Merlin's Beard!
by SilverFoot

Rating: G
Ship: Harry & Hermione
Canon: Books 1 - 4
Genre: Humor, Romance
Status: Complete
Length: 1,351 words in 1 chapter
Published: 4 Jul 2004
Last updated: 4 Jul 2004

Harry is in deep trouble hehe, well just read and review, i think you will like it :)

From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/2452/

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1. untitled

Merlin’s beard!.

“HARRY!!!”

He really hated that bat bogey hex….

It was amazing that he had survived the day so far. He thought himself very lucky that he knew all of her ways and
habits so he could evade her wrath and the shivering tip of her wand certainly pointing at his nose if she indeed would
catch him again, this time she would use something more vicious than that particular hex, but he still hated it.

If only he had know this would happen, that he would pull a standard Tonks manoeuvre knocking over the mantel where
their most precious item was stored, when their wedding-pensieve shattered on the floor and their very sweet mingled
memories of that beloved day would vanish into thin air slowly floating up in the air and like smoke from a bonfire move
with the shallow winds, the last evidence of those memories was the faint voice of Harry saying I do.

He could still hear her screams in his head, how she had first stood perfectly still, like a victim of the Petrificus
Totalis spell, her face then beginning to almost match the colour of her hair, her eyes almost turning black, the way
she slowly moved her blackish eyes from the shattered pensive to Harry’s feet, then moving slowly up to his crotch, were
he suddenly felt the need to check if he still had all his parts but refrained from moving an inch, further up to his
chest and then finally locking her eyes with his emerald and at the moment very guilty looking eyes.

Then the scream came and Harry felt his ears almost bleed, he never understood how women were able to scream at such a
level, he had heard them plenty in the war several years before when he defeated good old Tommy Riddledingding. But this
scream was so much worse, it was filled with rage and female venom and it was directed at him.

Bloody hell, was his first thought, and then the hex came sailing at his face and his next thought was of Malfoy who
knew all about that particular hex, he now almost felt sorry for Malfoy but he had not time to dwell on the subject
because she moved to get to him physically, fast.

Harry Potter, top auror and chief of the division, the pestilence of all Death Eaters, the Boy Who Lived and Defeater of
Riddledingding, scared from his wits and with flapping batwings all over his face, ran.

He always thought himself being passively macho, but in this case, confronted with a female who knew how to hurt him in
the worst ways and whom at this moment was beside herself with rage, he chose the cowards way out and ran like never
before, jumping over their well worn couch and quickly avoiding their grandfather clock with all their faces on, where
he in a blink of an eye noticed that his face was pointed towards mortal peril, he could only agree, taking their
hallway in great strides he opened the main door with wandless magic and sprinted out into the garden of their cottage
in Godric’s Hollow, jumped over the fence and just ran.

He could still hear her shrill voice when he was half a mile away over the sound of all the flapping batwings on his
face.

Now back two hours later he silently moved into their living room, using all his skills as a top auror he was very aware
of his surroundings and knew that she would not be around. He looked at the remaining pieces of the pensive still lying
on the ground, he felt a sudden sadness overcome him, a pensieve is a very rare artefact and very expensive so the
outlook of finding a new were very grim.

Hearing a very faint noise coming from the kitchen Harry slowly moved to the door and put his ear to it only to realise
that it was the sound of a woman crying, his heart broke and he was filled with a sense of panic, he remembered his
words in his wow to this beautiful woman at the alter, I will never make you cry anymore dear, only happy tears shall
roll down your chins. So much for that promise he thought while contemplating what to do.

Moving slowly away from the door he knew what to do, and how to do it, and from where he would get it. He disapparated
on the spot, his magic disregarding the very professionally placed ward protections on their cottage.

Moving fast and stealthy his eyes scanned the shelves and there it was, stored in the back of one of them, he took it
slowly from it’s place, took out his wand, performed a non breaking spell on it, growled silently over his stupidity of
not doing it to theirs in the first place, ah well hindsight is twenty twenty he thought while disapparating back to
their home.

Slowly opening the door to the kitchen where he could still hear her cry, he moved behind her without making a sound and
slowly put the pensieve in front of her, rattleling her teacup and making her jump in surprise.

She first looked up at him and his heart broke again, that look in her eyes were filled with the promise of sleeping on
the couch in the living room for many many nights, but then she spotted the pensieve and her eyes widened to an extend
that Harry was afraid that they would pop out of her head.

“But…how…I mean where…?” She spluttered while gesturing at the object with her hands, “Where did you get this Harry??!”

“Well I have my contacts dear, so here it is, and I’m so sorry!”, Harry whispered as he sat down beside her.

She hugged him tightly and sniffed into his shoulder, he could feel her tears flowing down his shirt.

“Come on dear, lets fill it up again, what do you say?” Harry smiled at her and they started to fill the pensieve with
their best memories, some of them very romantic, some of them very funny and some of them not rated for a PG audience.

Two days later an owl flew into the kitchen window and knocked itself silly, the letter was read by Mrs. Potter and the
more she read the more her face once again almost became the same colour as her hair.

“MR. HARRY JAMES POTTER!!”

Harry flew into the kitchen and almost saluted his wife, “Yes dear?”.

The letter was from their former Headmaster of Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore, he was apparently missing a pensieve from
his collection and was asking them if they knew anything about it, when reading the letter they could almost spot the
twinkle in his eyes between the lines.

Confronted with the possibility of another bat bogey hex, Harry confessed to breaking into Hogwarts and borrowing the
pensieve, she pointed out that borrowing was not the right wording to use and Harry blushed a little.

“I’m so sorry dear but I heard you cry and I just could not stand it, and my heart broke” He said while stroking her
hair.

“hmm, I guess it’s ok dear, I know you would take down the moon to me if I asked out too so I forgive you” she said, but
then her eyes regained some of that black colour, “but if you break this one I will make that bat bogey hex a permanent
fix on your face, do you understand?”.

Harry nodded with a guilty grin on his face and kissed his beloved wife.

In the living room of the Potters stands a pensieve, it’s carvings on the side are very detailed, the finish is
exquisite. If you look down into the swirl of colour you will notice two people, one dressed in a black suit, the other
in a beautiful wedding gown, with a bunch of lilies in her delicate hands, both of them facing each other with huge
smiles on their faces, an old person behind them with a long white beard, saying “do you Hermione Jane Granger, take
this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”.

And then only one word.

“Yes”.
