Bitter About You
by singing

Rating: PG13
Ship: Lily & James
Canon: Books 1 - 5
Genre: Humor, Romance
Status: Complete
Length: 31,270 words in 8 chapters
Published: 31 May 2005
Last updated: 17 Dec 2005

Lily was bitter. She was bitter that James Potter got everything that he ever wanted--he was popular, rich, smart,
loved, and a Quidditch superstar. Little did she know that James didn't have everything he wanted but wished he had the
one thing he couldn't have--her.

From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/4396/

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1. God Only Knows

A/N: Well, here we are. My first fanfic on Portkey. Let's see how it goes, then. This story is the basic Lily and James
love/hate relationship going…because I think it's wonderfully cute. And entertaining. I mean who wouldn't want an
adoring James to chase after them? Heh.

My name's Katie by the way. I'd love it if you'd leave a review. :-)

Chapter One:

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

- God Only Knows, The Beach Boys

Okay, so maybe she wasn't exactly perfect. She had to admit, practically everyone at her school thought she was. At some
point, even she considered herself to be a girl with no temper problems, with a clear head that only thought about
important things that no one her age seemed to think about. Grades. School. Careers. She never had done anything with
another boy so she thought of herself to be quite pure—and very, very levelheaded. That is, until she encountered him.

Which of course, she always did. Anywhere. Anytime. He was always, constantly getting in her way.

His name was James Potter. He was in her school, (unfortunately) was in her year, (also unfortunately) and was an
arrogant boy who decided the moment he saw her that he should fancy her (Very, very unfortunate).

She honestly didn't know why he did. She felt that there was nothing special about her, even if most people thought
differently. But her standoffish, cold attitude was necessary. If she weren't like that, people would take advantage of
her. They'd see things about her that no one, in her opinion, should ever see. People then would know that calling her a
mudblood really did hurt her.

And no one could find that out.

“Thanks for letting me borrow your notes, Lily.”

Lily looked up and forced a smile as Daphne Henderson, a girl who shared their dorm with her and was also in her year,
came over to where she was laying down on her bed. Daphne, unlike Lily, had shed herself from her uniform and was
wearing a pair of flared out, bellbottom jeans, a red halter-top, and platform sandals—nightclothes. Lily never wore
anything like that, which was rather sensible, since Lily never went out.

“No problem,” Lily said, trying to be friendly. Although she found Daphne terribly annoying, at least when she was
giggling over Sirius Black and Potter, she tried to be nice to her so the girls in her dormitory would see that she was
a civilized girl that didn't want to bite their heads off. She only wanted to bite one person's head off, which was
namely, a boy's.

Damn that Potter, she thought. It was completely his fault that everyone thought of her that way. Well, maybe not
entirely but still…

“Mm-hmm.” Daphne said, nodding and taking off. Lily rolled her eyes as she immediately got out of the room; as if she
was afraid she'd catch Lily's ability to be unsociable.

It was usually like this; she'd come up from dinner and do her homework in the common room, were Potter would usually
follow her and start annoying her endlessly. Once she was done with whatever essays she had to do, she'd leave the
common room and head up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. She'd stay up there the rest of the night; just catching up
on some reading or if she was really tired, just fall asleep. Even on Fridays, the routine never changed.

Lily sighed and turned over so she was lying down on her stomach. She glanced up at the clock and saw that it was only
nine o' clock. I really don't have a life.

Even though James Potter irritated her, she couldn't help but think about him often when she was up in her dormitory,
contemplating. It wasn't because she found him charming, handsome, or debonair, like he would continuously remind her
that he was. It was simply because nothing else remotely out of the ordinary happened to her unless he was there.

He was the only subject she could think about.

Of course, she'd never admit it. When she actually admitted it to herself, she'd always feel her stomach bubbling up in
fury. But it was true. James Potter was what made her life out of ordinary. She hesitated to say it…but he was what made
her life, slightly (only slightly, Lily reassured herself angrily) interesting.

Like that day for instance. Potter had come up to her during lunch and just sat there, staring at her.

“You look nice, today.” He said, as if they were continuing a conversation instead of starting one. At least, he was.
Lily sipped her pumpkin juice and didn't glance up at him from her book, although she could feel his disturbing stare
still on her.

Lily ignored him, like she always did at first. She had gotten tired of trying to be friendly to him, since he'd always
wear her out with their heated arguments which usually consisted of him asking her why she'd never give him a chance and
Lily snapping back that she was tired of having him annoy her. So instead, she pretended he wasn't there, which of
course, considering the boy's personality, never worked. What else could she do?

Nothing, Lily answered herself gloomily. And she was right, because Potter wasn't a giver-upper. No, he instead fought
endlessly for what he wanted, which was unfortunately for Lily, a date with her.

Black had passed by, snickering as Daphne followed him around with her friends. Remus Lupin lagged behind with Peter
Pettigrew, trying to explain something to him from their lesson in Charms that day. If Lily didn't hate the “Marauders”,
as they insisted everybody called them, she'd help Pettigrew out. But of course, she didn't. Anyone who was associated
with Potter, (which was everyone, practically) Lily usually didn't like talking to.

“I mean, you should put your hair in a ponytail more often,” Potter said in an offhand voice. It was rather ridiculous,
since Lily wasn't talking and it looked like he was talking to himself. “It looks really…yeah.”

Lily turned the page of her book, still not acknowledging his existence. This of course, frustrated Potter, since he was
used to being the center of attention. When Lily was trying to be understanding of his point of view she would reason in
her head that it wasn't exactly his fault that he was the way he was; he was probably a spoiled, pampered only child who
got whatever he wanted. It probably made him angry that Lily didn't want him.

But it was so hard to think like that.

“Damn it, Evans,” he said, running a hand through his jet-black hair, causing it to become even shaggier than usual.
Lily couldn't help but narrow her eyes; his habit of messing up his hair was always something that annoyed her
endlessly. “Do you really hate me that much?”

Lily bit her lip and resisted in saying, “Yes, yes I do.” She saw from the corner of her eye that Potter had noticed,
and was licking his lips. Ugh, gross.

“See?” Potter said, sounding smug. “I know you're listening to me.”

Lily inwardly cursed herself and pretended that she was in a bubble. That way, she wouldn't be able to hear him yapping
next to her.

Potter's voice was so loud and annoying, well at least for her anyway, that the whole “bubble” technique didn't work.
“You know what?” he said, still sounding so sure of himself. “I'm not calling you Evans anymore.”

It was the strangest thing he had ever said, and that counted the time that he had told her that he wanted to have a
child with her colored eyes. Lily couldn't help but say sadistically, “Well, that is my name, you know.”

This was a huge mistake, though. Potter suddenly widened his eyes, as if he didn't expect her to talk during “their”
whole conversation. Then a grin slowly formed on his face, an easy one, and the one he'd always use when he was talking
to her.

She hardly found this flattering.

“I knew you'd give in,” he said, although it was clear by his earlier expression that he wasn't expecting her to talk at
all. “And you're right; Evans is your name, but it's your surname.”

Lily looked at him incredulously, hardly believing what she was hearing. “So, what? Are you going to start calling me
Lily now?” She laughed, and Potter stopped grinning momentarily. He was giving her a disturbing stare again.

“Well, yes.” he said slowly.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Potter,” she sighed. “You really do have too much spirit, you know that?”

“Spirit is what makes your personality,” Potter said, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, I don't really like your personality much either, do I?”

Potter pretended to look hurt, which she had to admit, he did a pretty good job of. But the boy in front of her didn't
have feelings. Not that she knew of, anyway.

“Are you done?” Lily asked, glancing at him for a moment. Potter sighed then reluctantly got up.

“You know, Lily,” he said, leaning forward so that his face was in barely an inch away from hers. She groaned inwardly
that he was already taking his plan into action. “You're going to like me someday. I know it. And I think you know it,
too.”

“Don't get your hopes up, Potter,” Lily said dryly, and then returned to her book. She didn't want to talk to him.

“I don't need to,” he said, just as he was leaving.

When Lily thought back to it, she really did give him too much information. James was hard to read already, and she
wanted to make it look like she was the same. That way, he'd get frustrated with her like she did with him, and he'd
stop liking her.

If only life was so kind.

Lily basically hated James Potter for being, well, James Potter. They couldn't be more different. He was arrogant and
thought the best of himself, when Lily's efforts to get top grades were to prove to herself that she was capable for a
better future. He was rich, and Lily could hardly be called that. He was popular, and Lily had no friends whatsoever.
James loved Quidditch, (he was Chaser and captain, after all) while Lily detested any kind of sports. James had a nice,
non-dysfunctional family, at least from what she had heard of. He lived in a manor, and had best friends who he could
count on for anything. Lily had no one like that in her life.

She had to admit that sometimes she envied him. Everybody loved James Potter, the champion of all their Quidditch
matches and the boy who had loving parents and got good grades. She hated how he got everything without even trying;
when she had to work hard for anything she needed or wanted.

She hated it.

***

Why do I like her?

James sat there, barely tuning in to his friends' conversation. He glanced at the girls' staircase, which he knew led to
the girls' dormitories, a haven James always wanted to cross.

The reason was pretty obvious.

He leaned back and forced a laugh as his best friend, Sirius Black, cracked a joke. It was necessary for James to laugh;
Sirius and he had been practically brothers growing up, since James was the only child and Sirius's relatives were
hardly what you called friendly. Sirius didn't seem to care that James wasn't paying attention though, he knew what
James was probably thinking about, and Daphne Henderson was giggling at any little word Sirius said, fluttering her
eyelashes.

Knowing Sirius wouldn't mind at all at the moment, James said distractedly, “Hey, Padfoot. I think I'm going for a
walk.”

Sirius seemed to be momentarily concentrated on Daphne's legs, which were shapely even under jeans. He merely shrugged
and said, “Go ahead mate. Don't hurt yourself.”

Of course Sirius already knew where he was going. James pretended to not notice his heeded warning and got up from his
comfy armchair, stretching his arms and earning some glances from a flock of fifth year girls that always seemed to be
behind him. He smiled at them; rather innocently he had to add, since he found fifth year girls far too young for him,
unlike Sirius. Sirius, however, found that any girl who had already gotten to puberty was a matching fit to be his
one-week stand.

“See you later,” James said as he passed his other good friend, Remus Lupin, who was sitting in a chair in the corner,
immersed in a book as always. He noticed Lannie Williamson was sitting nearby on the floor, although still far away from
Remus. James rolled his eyes at this; he and Sirius and perhaps the rest of the school knew what Lannie's intentions
were. She seemed rather quiet and was a sort of pretty girl (then again, as Sirius continuously reminded him, his eyes
were only glued to Lily, thus blocking his hormones to react to any other girl) who had fancied Remus for a while now.
Remus however, being the gentleman he was, always would defend Lannie and tell James and Sirius off for making fun of
her (every time the boys would mention Lannie, the rest of the Marauders would start making disturbing slurping noises
with an invisible woman).

“Off to the spot again?” Remus asked absentmindedly. James grinned.

“Yeah.”

“Alright. Well don't get too into it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” James said, rolling his eyes. “Whatever.”

“See you, then.”

“Bye, Lannie.” James grinned, as he passed her. Lannie, who had been peeking at Remus behind her book upside-down,
jumped at being addressed and blushed furiously. She hid her crimson face behind the book.

Peter Pettigrew was found to be at a table near the staircase, biting his lip and trying to do his homework. Once seeing
that his friend was approaching him, he immediately closed his book, looking relieved to be held off his homework for a
while. “Going to that place again, Prongs?”

Sometimes James hated how his friends knew him far too well. “Yeah.” James said, trying not to let his voice sound
sober. He grimaced, knowing what was next.

“Shouldn't you know by now that Evans is never going to like you?”

“Thanks, Pete.” James said sarcastically.

“Just telling the truth, mate.”

“I appreciate it,” James said grimly. “Well, I'll see you later, then. I can help you with your homework if you like.”

Peter gave the book he was reading and the half-finished essay a fearful look. “That would be nice.” He said weakly.
Then he muttered, “I hate Charms.”

Lily's face appeared in James's mind. Lily liked Charms. In fact, it was her favorite subject.

“Yeah, I know,” James said, not really paying attention to what he was saying, since his mind was on one of those Lily
rebound moments. “Well, see you then.”

“Bye, Prongs.”

James strode over to the portrait hole, where predictably the fifth year girls were standing nearby, pretending to look
nonchalant. This time James ignored them and climbed through the hole, glancing for a moment at their crestfallen faces.
James grimaced and left the common room. If only they knew him. Then again, not a lot of people did.

Once he was alone and he had ignored the calls from the Fat Lady portrait who was telling him off for getting out of the
common room out of hours again, James thought about the question that Sirius had popped up on him during lunch. He had
said it just after he had gone to talk to Lily. During their conversation, James told him that he was now going to be
calling Lily by her first name now, something he wanted to do for a long time. Calling her Lily was so much better than
calling her Evans anyway.

When Evans rejected him once again, James had gone to sit with his friends, and that was when Sirius asked him; Why do
you like her?

But did he even know? James dug his fists into his pockets and wandered the moonlit halls, passing through the
tapestries and walking skillfully quiet, due to Filch and some sixth year prefects to be patrolling the halls tonight.
Since all of the sixth years feared him, due to James being Quidditch captain, Head Boy, and supposedly the most popular
boy in the school, James didn't have to worry about them. Thus he only had to keep an eye out for Filch, the caretaker
who had held a grudge against him and the rest of the Marauders for a while for their havoc-causing record.

It was partly because of James's popularity that Lily, the deemed love of his life, hated him. At least, that's what he
thought, due to her dropped clues. She'd always call him arrogant, big headed, and smug; things that James had to admit
were part of the show he'd put on for everyone. But that was because he wanted to get her attention, and unfortunately,
the only way he could think of how to do that was by making an idiot of himself in front of her.

But he wasn't like that anymore. Not after what happened last year, with Snape.

James shook his head and ran his hand through his shaggy black hair, remembering that Lily had once told him that she
hated it when he did that. James automatically dropped his hand and continued walking, pausing once and a while to look
outside.

James closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, just so he could think about her for a while. He could never do this
in front of his friends, who would always know what he was doing. Sirius called it pre-masturbation, something that
would always earn him a good thump on his head.

He started to think about her eyes, which were his favorite physical attribute. James remembered first noticing Lily's
vivid, auburn hair, and then noticing her beautiful, emerald green eyes. He was in first year at the time, and James
remembered that he stood there for a full minute, staring at the girl. Sirius looked at him, raising his eyebrow, and
then pulled his ear painfully. “What are you doing, staring at that girl for?” he had said, in his squeaky, eleven-year
old voice. James had blushed crimson, since a moment later Lily had turned around, looking for the person who had just
yelped in pain. She blushed also; although it was the only time he remembered her blushing because of him. James liked
the feeling.

Was that when I started liking her? James wondered if he liked Lily because of her eyes. He immediately countered the
idea however, since James knew that this obsessive adoration couldn't be just because of something physical, although
Lily was quite pretty.

Quite? Uh, I don't think so, James thought. To him, Lily was the most gorgeous, astonishingly beautiful, person in the
world. Imagine how cute our kids would look…

James was just starting to kick himself for getting so desperately in love with her, when someone said shakily, “Potter,
you're not supposed to down here.”

He opened his eyes groggily and saw that two sixth year girls were holding their wands with alight at the tip. James
could tell that they were trying to look brave and intimidating, although James knew if that was the case, they wouldn't
be patrolling in pairs.

“Oh, that's right.” James said nonchalantly, jumping off the windowsill he was sitting at and brushing his robes. “Sorry
about that, girls.”

The girl in the back blushed furiously, while the other said, “So, you're going to the common room…right?”

“Sure.” James said seriously. He stood there for a moment, pausing. “Good to know that some prefects are doing their
jobs right.” He wanted to burst out laughing at that statement, but since he was Head Boy and all, he had to at least
try to set a good example.

The girl in the back squeaked, “Thanks.”

“Yep, no problem.” James said, giving them a charming grin. He walked past the two girls and winked, so they wouldn't
notice that he was going in the opposite direction of the common room.

Not that they would do anything about it. Predictably, one of the girls said in an audible voice, “That was James Potter
talking to us,”

“Whatever,” the other snapped, although she smiled when James waved to them as he turned the corner. “He's not going to
the common room, you know.”

“But still,” the first girl said breathlessly. “He's James Potter…”

Okay, James. Enough stalling, James thought as he kept on walking, although he was rather moody. He reached the entrance
hall and took out his wand, pointing it at the locked front doors and muttering a charm so that it would open. James
took a hold of the handle and tugged at it, ignoring the ominous creak that was echoing loudly in the room.

Once he was outside, James turned right and started to move around the building, looking for the right window. The
castle was huge, and it took a while for him to get there. He walked along the border, shaking his head as it drizzled
outside. His thick hair sent water flying everywhere.

James sighed as he saw the lake in the distance. He liked that lake. He always wanted to take her there as a first date
and just sit there sprawled on the grass, holding each other and hopefully the sky would be clear—so they could see
stars.

He hated how he was so romantic. Sirius would always call him lovesick, anyway.

He could tell which tower it was instantly. James stood out there, tilting his head upwards as he counted the windows.
He passed his own dormitory window above, where the lights were all off. His friends were still in the common room.

His heart stopped once he saw her. Then again, it always did.

She was crossing the room, with bobby pins in her mouth. He watched as she put her hair up in a high ponytail, taking
the bobby pins out of her mouth and sliding them into her hair. The mirror she was using was right next to the window,
so he could see her in her loose nightgown. He sighed, wishing for once she could see him the same way he saw her.

Once she looked satisfied with her hair, she smiled slightly and picked up her book on the cabinet beside her. She then
disappeared out of sight, probably sliding into her bed so she could read.

It was quite lucky actually that he saw her at all. Usually, when James came, he wouldn't see her in any of the windows.
He knew which one it was though, since as soon as he found out which window was his dormitory's window, he decided to
figure out hers too. When he wouldn't see her sometimes he'd just sit down and imagine he did…pretending that she didn't
hate him and was actually getting ready for a date with him.

But life wasn't so kind.

James knew that his friends were right in warning him not to come, since he'd always get moody during these little
“visits”. He collapsed on the ground, closing his eyes as he lay back against the moist grass. He blew air out of his
mouth, his hair in his eyes ruffling slightly.

“Lily, why can't you just see me?”

But she didn't. She never did.

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2. Too Lost In You

A/N: And we're off to chapter two! Hope you all like it.

- Katie

Chapter Two:

I'm in over my head
You got under skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in

Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

-

Too Lost in You, Sugababes

The bustling of the girls woke her up the next morning instead of her alarm clock. Lily opened her eyes and stretched,
flexing all of her toes and yawning. She waited for a while, since the morning was the part of her day she dreaded most,
even more than breakfast, where Potter would always come along and ruin her day even more. She sat up and pressed her
fingers against her temples, then swung her legs over the bed, wrenching open the four-poster.

The sunlight streaming through the window overwhelmed her eyes. She squinted and rubbed them, reaching towards her hair
and taking her bobby pins out. Lily never took them out, although she wasn't exactly sure why. She supposed that she
wanted to look perfect and poised even when she went to sleep, just like she was in the morning.

Lily kept her eyes downwards determinedly, hoping that the person she had been dreading would ignore her that day.
Sometimes, when Lily was lucky, she wouldn't say anything. But not that day.

“Oh, look who just got up from her beauty sleep. You probably should get more of it, you know. You look awful.”

Lily sighed and tried to look indifferent as she turned around to look at the girl who was sitting on the windowsill,
filing her nails. She had long, straight brown hair and dark brown eyes with a creamy complexion. Since it was the
weekend, she didn't have her Hogwarts uniform on, which would always have several buttons of her top undone to expose a
lot of her chest and a shortened skirt that revealed more than any of the other girls. Instead she was wearing a tight
sweater and bellbottoms with tall shoes, which made Heather Foster, look taller and more intimidating than the other
girls. Her sneering expression made it clear what she felt about Lily: absolute loathing.

Heather, like numerous other girls, had dated Potter. She had dated all of the bachelors of Hogwarts except for Black,
which was rather surprising since it seemed that Sirius Black was on a mission to date all of the girls in the school
and break their hearts a week later. Lily supposed that in these rare moments, Black was an honorable man. When it came
to best friends' girlfriends—they were off-limits, period.

Heather and Potter had dated for a while. The day he broke up with her made Heather hate Lily even more. Before, she
just thought Lily was grotesque and a geek. Now she seemed to want to prevent Lily from any sort of happiness that she
might have. And why? Because when James Potter broke up with her, his exact words were: “Sorry, Heather, but I'm in love
with Lily Evans.”

He definitely didn't gain any points with her then.

Lily sighed. Heather wasn't the first girl that had ended up hating Lily because Potter had fancied her.

“Thanks, Heather.” Lily said. “I'll keep that in mind.”

Heather narrowed her eyes with one hand on her hip, since she always leaned forward on one leg to make herself look
scarier, Lily supposed. She then threw her head back and laughed, throwing her thick, shiny hair to the side as she did
so. Rachel Eve and Courtney Jenson were on Heather's bed, probably in a midst of a conversation when Lily woke up, but
immediately stopped talking once Heather did this and started laughing also, as if on cue.

Lily felt her face grow hotter just as the bathroom door opened. Lannie Williamson, the other girl that shared a dorm
with Lily came out already dressed, her golden blonde hair swept up in her usual ponytail that would always swish side
to side when she was walking down the halls. Her hair came abruptly to a halt as she stopped in the doorway, pushing her
bangs out of her aqua-green eyes, which moved from Heather, to Lily, to Rachel and Courtney, then back to Lily.

“Heather, your laughter is pretty annoying, you know.” Lannie said finally, raising an eyebrow. Heather stopped
shrieking and straightened her face to look at her, frowning. Most people liked Lannie and therefore Heather would not
only gain her as an enemy, but all of her friends too, so she couldn't afford to be mean to her. But then again, Heather
didn't let anyone insult her.

“Williamson, mind your own business.” Heather hissed.

Lannie grinned, although Lily didn't know exactly why. How could she find Heather not intimidating? She must be
different, Lily thought. She watched as Lannie laughed quietly to herself.

“Alright.” Lannie said, still beaming. And then, to Lily's utter surprise and everyone else's in the room, Lannie then
said, “Hey Lily, want to go down to breakfast with me?”

Lily stared at her and Heather snorted loudly, Rachel and Courtney guffawing at her side. It was common knowledge to
everyone at Hogwarts that Lily didn't have any friends. Everyone just knew.

It was the perfect opportunity, too. If Lily wanted to—she wouldn't be an outcast anymore, she'd have friends. Because
if she became friends with Lannie, Lannie's friends would eventually become her friends also. But instead of agreeing to
go with her, Lily said softly, “No, it's alright.”

They both heard distinctly Heather whisper, “I knew it.” Lily frowned, pretending she hadn't heard.

Lannie, however, merely shrugged. She swept her hair out of her eyes again and said nonchalantly, “Alright. See you
later, then. Bye Heather. Oh, and I guess I'll see you two later too.” She grinned at Rachel and Courtney, and then
waved to Heather just as she left.

“Let's go.” Heather snarled, marching out of the dorm after Lannie. Her cronies got up as soon as she did, following her
out.

Lily frowned and closed the door behind them, sitting on her bed for a while and contemplating. She sighed and pressed
her forehead against her palms. She was glad they were out.

“Have you even tried doing anything I told you to?”

James looked dully at Remus. “Yes. How many times do I have to tell you?”

Remus raised his eyebrows knowingly. James hated it when he did that; it made it seem like Remus knew a lot more about
him than James himself. Then again, that was probably right. Remus had that annoying talent that he could just see
through people.

Damn him. But at the same time, James wouldn't have made any progress with Lily. If you call that progress, James
thought bitterly.

Remus cleared his throat and then said patiently, “Alright, then. What did you do?”

“I told her that I'd be calling her Lily from now on.” James said, stabbing moodily at his eggs and deforming them. “And
she didn't even seem to be impressed.”

Sirius, who so far had been quiet due to the fact that his mouth was full of bacon, suddenly gave his friends an
incredulous look. “You're not calling her Evans anymore? Why not?”

“Remus told me that she'd feel closer to me if I started calling her by her first name.” James said, sighing as if he
highly doubted it. “But she still hates me.”

Remus seemed to be struggling to have a comforting look on, but it turned out more to be annoyed. “It's only been one
day, Prongs.”

“So? It's been only six years for me, hasn't it, Moony?”

“And a half.” Peter interjected. James glared at him, and he grinned sheepishly.

Sirius raised his eyebrow at Remus. “Do you honestly believe that Lily Evans—Lily Evans—is going to suddenly fall in
love with James because he calls her Lily now?”

“No,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “Of course not. But we are taking one step at a time, aren't we?”

“Hm,” Peter said, looking thoughtful.

“What is it?” James asked dully, hoping that at least one person would tell him that Lily was probably going to fall in
love with him that very day. Peter usually was the one who'd cheer James up—but that was probably because he was James's
most easygoing friend who'd go along with anything.

But whatever. James was looking for anything right now to comfort him.

Peter squinted while contemplating the options. The other three boys looked at him attentively as they waited for an
answer. Finally, Peter said, “These eggs aren't that great, you know.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and looked at James, who was looking even sulkier now for some reason. “What's wrong, Prongs?”

“It's just,” James sighed. “Lily doesn't like eggs either.”

“No, I like eggs, it's just that this morning—”

“Evans doesn't like eggs?” Sirius interrupted, as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. Then once he
noticed just what he had said, he doubled back; practically screaming, “Hang on! How the hell do you know that?”

There was an awkward silence in the Great Hall as several people swiveled in their seats to look at them. Remus blushed
furiously as he always did at the sudden rush of attention that his friends seemed to attract towards him too and pulled
out his book, burying his face in it. James gave Sirius an exasperated look for being so loud while Peter smiled.

“Because he watches her every move,” Peter said smugly, once the talking in the Hall had resumed and people weren't
staring at them as much anymore. He then lowered his eyes, mumbling, “And I do like eggs…”

James looked at Sirius, who was scrunching his nose up in disgust, and turned slightly red. “I do not,” he said hotly.

“Oh look, he's blushing.” Sirius said disgustedly. He pretended to gag right there in his seat, clutching his throat as
if something invisible was blocking his windpipe.

“Oh, shut—” James suddenly stopped, feeling his lungs contract to a considerably smaller size as that familiar lump
formed in his throat again. “Oh, god.”

Remus lowered his book with an inquiring look as both James and Sirius turned in their seats. Peter was busying himself
with some cereal, not paying much attention anymore.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at James once noticing what he was talking about. “You—” Sirius started, poking him in the
chest. “Are disgusting.”

For Lily Evans had just entered the Hall and was going towards the Gryffindor table, passing them without a word as she
determinedly looked forward. Once she was gone James exhaled loudly, as if he was holding his breath the entire time.
Sirius smacked him over the head.

“OW! Sirius, what the hell?” James hissed, rubbing his head where Sirius had hit him.

“Settle down,” Remus said tiredly once Sirius held his hand up again, ready to strike.

“No, thanks, Mum.” Sirius said sarcastically, swerving his palm towards James, who this time, ducked. Damn those
Quidditch reflexes.

“Should I go talk to her?” James asked, looking desperate. Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Are you going to stay here if I say no?”

“No.”

Remus sighed. “Then go.”

James grinned and jumped of his seat, winking at Remus. “Just telling you, it'll be on your conscious if it turns out
wrong.”

Remus rolled his eyes, not saying anything, and returned to his book. James ducked another hit that was directed towards
him from Sirius, and then took off to talk to Lily.

***

Damn, here he comes, Lily thought. Potter was walking towards her in full speed, ruffling his hair and coming down to
sit next to her. Lily inwardly groaned and continued to sip her orange juice; looking at the pages of the Daily Prophet
she got every morning and didn't say anything. Of course, this never discouraged him enough.

“Hello, Lily.”

He was trying to make it clear that he wasn't backing down on abandoning entirely the surname calling. Lily couldn't
help herself and looked at him, narrowing her eyes. He was wearing that usual cocky grin although it faltered slightly
once she made eye contact, and he was sporting a striped shirt and slacks. He reached towards his hair again and ruffled
it, which just irritated her further.

Lily sighed. “Potter, I am not calling you by your first name.”

“Ah, but Lily, why not? Why not, Lily?”

“Because it's weird.” Lily said, giving him a hard look to see if he'd back down. He didn't.

“No, it's not. We're practically going out anyway.”

Lily spat in her cup as she heard this. Sputtering, she looked at him incredulously and said, “What?”

Potter looked sheepish. “Well, we are—”

“Not!” Lily said loudly. “We are—we just—No! We aren't.”

“Aw, come on Lily—”

“Potter,” Lily said slowly, trying to be patient. “I really need you to go away now. And stop calling me Lily.”

Oh, great. That weird stare of his. Potter's hazel eyes were firmly locked onto hers determinedly. Lily hated it when he
did this because he'd stop talking for a moment and devote all of his energies to this. She rolled her eyes and turned
around, not wanting to look at him. She was already upset because of Heather, and she really didn't want him to make her
feel any worse.

Finally, he said, “It's your name.”

“And I don't want you saying it,” Lily snapped. “So, stop.”

Potter opened his mouth, then abruptly closed it. Lily turned around to see what he was looking at and saw that Remus
was shaking his head slowly. Well, at least he's quiet, Lily thought dully.

She looked at Potter tiredly. “Are you going to say anything else?”

“No.”

“Good.” Lily said briskly, standing up and stretching her arms. She took her bag and left the Hall, noticing that
several people were looking at her strangely. She sighed, that's how it always was anyway. Potter would always annoy her
and she'd start yelling because of her short temper. Everyone at Hogwarts thought she was a mean bitch, which was
partially true. After all, she was mean to Potter, wasn't she?

I don't want to be, though, Lily thought. She honestly wished that she were nice to everyone so everyone would be nice
to her in return, but Potter would take all of her chances. Because of him, so many people at her school thought she'd
yell at them too. She supposed that was why Dumbledore made her Head Girl—he knew that she wasn't afraid to be hard on
anybody.

She wished she were.

Lily had no idea why Potter was made Head Boy, though. He was soft on everyone—except for the Slytherins, of course.
Before however, he was the meanest boy ever. He was even worse than he was now. Potter and Black would jinx anyone
they'd like just for the hell of it and had fun too—good thing they changed somewhat.

Now he only bothers me. How great.

Lily was now turning a corner so she'd be able to go to the library and do some reading, when she heard something behind
one of the tapestries that decorated the corridor. She knew that there was a secret staircase behind it, but hardly
anybody used it regularly. Scowling, Lily took a hold of the tapestry and pulled it back.

“Get out.” Lily scolded. The couple in front of her froze, still clutching onto each other, widening their eyes and
blushing. The boy had stringy blonde hair and was in Lily's year and the girl was a fifth year with dark brown hair.
“Stebbins, detention. And I'll make sure that this one isn't with you in it.”

The boy named Stebbins opened his mouth to retort but the girl gently grabbed his arm and whispered audibly, “It's
alright. Let's just go.”

Lily stood her ground as they both stomped past her, muttering to one another. She distinctly heard Stebbins go,
“Dumbledore was right in making her Head. She's no fun.”

She pretended that she hadn't heard him, hands at her hips, and watched the couple round the corner. Once they were gone
she huffed loudly and continued her way.

I am fun, Lily thought angrily. But even as she thought about it, she knew it was no use. She wasn't social like the
people in her year—she never did anything she really wanted to. She must've been the only person who'd never been to one
of the Marauders' parties, which caused her to be even more annoyed.

They were the kings of everything. Whatever they thought was okay, was okay. Whatever they thought was stupid, was
stupid. Jealousy bubbled inside of her more. If Potter would just leave her alone, then no body would care about her and
would let her be. They wouldn't be afraid to talk to her either, because Lily wouldn't be mean to Potter. Perhaps even
boys would approach her, instead of avoid her at all costs. Because why would anyone want Lily Evans, who was not only a
loser, but a loser that Potter liked?

And since Lily was going at it, she might as well blame other people for the way she was too. If her mother weren't so
hard on her, maybe Lily would be more easygoing and fun. If her mother didn't constantly want Lily to be flawless,
perfect, exceedingly smart, maybe Lily wouldn't try so hard. But then again, if Lily wasn't a witch and if her older
sister, Petunia, went to college and got out of high school with all A's instead of all C's, maybe her mother wouldn't
expect so much. Maybe she wouldn't be like that.

Maybe they all wouldn't be like that.

If her father cared and helped her mother more often, maybe Lily would be able to go and talk to him about Potter. Maybe
he'd give her good, fatherly advice. Then again, if Lily's parents were different, she wouldn't be like she was now, and
Potter would probably hate her instead of like her. Because life had these twisted little ways it could surprise you.

If only, though, right?

***

James sat moodily outside in the courtyard, as rain fell down and splattered them slightly from under the balcony. His
friends were next to him and their teeth were chattering as they shivered.

“Why are we here, again?” James heard Sirius ask, and he knew that his friend was glowering at him from behind. James
was sitting on the bench and didn't bother to look back. From the side he could see that Remus merely shook his head and
glanced at Peter, who was shuddering uncontrollably and was clutching himself on his arms to keep warm.

They had been outside for at least fifteen minutes, and James hadn't moved or spoken at all during that time. James felt
Sirius thump loudly onto the grass as he sunk down onto the ground and rolled his eyes as he heard Sirius blowing air
out of his mouth every few seconds.

James liked the rain, even if it depressed him slightly at times like these. Apparently, however, his friends didn't.
They had started to sneeze and were grumbling to themselves, but hadn't said much yet.

Finally, when Sirius had cleared his throat loudly and was pretending to be coughing as if he had emphysema, James
turned around and glared. “Sirius, do you mind?”

Sirius's pale skin was red at the cheeks because of the chilly September weather and he was narrowing his eyes and
frowning. James rolled his eyes as Sirius said loudly, “Well, Merlin, Prongs, it's fucking cold out here.”

“Then go inside!” James snapped, motioning towards the courtyard door where the fifth year Potter fan club were trying
to look discreet as they sneaked a few glances towards him. James frowned and turned around again, tucking his arms in.

Behind them, the boys did not leave. James knew they wouldn't, they were far too loyal to leave him to sulk in the cold
rain by himself when he desperately needed some consolation. Damn my heart for ever liking her, James thought angrily.

“Prongs,” Remus said, always the reasonable one. “It's probably ten degrees out here.”

“And my ass is probably freezing off.”

Peter chuckled, although since he was shaking it turned out to be more of a whimper at Sirius's comment.

James glared at the rain. “I'm not leaving,” he said stubbornly, and the boys knew that he was right. It would take some
convincing to get him out of there.

“Alright, why don't we think of something, then.” Remus said, digging his hands into his pockets and walking forward so
that he was in front of James. James watched as his friend looked at the courtyard splattered with mud and rain, then
sighed. He looked at Sirius and Peter, then arched an eyebrow. “Any ideas?”

Peter, who apparently was so desperate to get inside that he was actually suggesting something, said, “Er…why don't
you—make her a card? With a poem inside?”

Sirius snorted. “Prongs made her so many of those that she could probably make a nice fire out of them.”

“She probably has.” Peter said, and both of them laughed. Remus and James narrowed their eyes, and they abruptly
stopped.

“Well, let's consider what James wants.” Remus said, as if they were all in some kind of business meeting and James was
the customer.

“Well, all of us want that,” Sirius said impatiently.

Peter turned red and Remus rolled his eyes, pressing his hands against his temples. “Sirius, is that all you ever think
about?”

“Are you telling me you don't want it?” Sirius demanded of James, who blushed slightly and didn't say anything. “I
thought so,” Sirius said knowingly, then smirked at Remus.

“Okay, then.” Remus sighed. “Anything else?”

They were all quiet for a moment, apparently thinking. Finally, Peter said hopefully, as if he they were all in a class
and were asked a difficult question by Remus, the teacher, “He wants to impress her?”

Remus looked thoughtful for a moment. “True.”

“Well, of course he wants to.” Sirius said, letting his mouth drop in a brain dead impression.

They were quiet again, and James rolled his eyes. They weren't helping at all.

“I got it!” Sirius said suddenly, making Peter jump in fright and James look at him in alarm. He was wearing a
triumphant expression on, like he had just won the lottery. He beckoned them closer and they all leaned in. “It's great.
Now listen up….”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

3. Tangled Up In Me

A/N: Hey guys, thanks for all the reviews. :-D I finally changed the word eczema to emphysema in chapter two…everyone
was telling me it was wrong and I finally got around to changing it. Sorry about that. Anyway, some of you are saying
you are confused by the story, although I'm not really sure how you are, so I'd appreciate it if some of you clarified a
bit so I could answer your questions. I loved all of the reviews and compliments, thanks guys! And to those who asked,
nope, I don't have everything written down already, I write along as I go. This chapter, however, was done although with
finals and all I had no time to post it. Anyway, I'll stop rambling.

Enjoy!

-Katie

Chapter Three:

You want to know more, more, more about me
Got to know reverse psychology
I'm the reason why you can't get to sleep
I'm the girl you never get just quite what you see

Hey! Hey! Hey!
Can't you see I want you by the way I push you away, yeah!
Don't judge me tomorrow by the way I'm acting today
Take the words up with the actions deal with all for your reaction, yeah!
Hey! Hey!
Get tangled up in me

You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl that's sweeping you off your feet

Get tangled up in me

-Tangled Up in Me, Skye Sweetnam

The weekend passed by slowly for Lily. She spent most of her time reading in the library, sometimes finding an
infuriating Potter beside her, sleeping early, and waking up early too. She was glad for Monday when it came, because at
least school occupied her time.

She was in one of her N.E.W.T.s classes right now—all of those in her year who decided after taking their O.W.L.s exams
that they wanted to continue the subject of Charms were in it. It was Lily's favorite subject, simply because it was the
easiest and she was the best at it. Professor Flitwick was always kind to her and would constantly give her points for
answering questions correctly or learning the spell ahead of time.

The lesson commenced as Professor Flitwick told them that they had to take a pop quiz. While the rest of the class
groaned, Lily inwardly smiled. Strangely enough, Lily liked putting her skills to the test in Charms and loved to prove
to everyone that she wasn't just some strict Head Girl, or a mudblood, as the Slytherins liked to call her. She had
brains too.

The Professor wrote the questions on the chalkboard as the students scrambled for their quills and parchment. Lily took
a roll out and set it neatly onto her desk, poising her quill and writing immediately once the questions were on the
board. She finished in record timing and turned it in, with a smile from Professor Flitwick. While she was heading back
to her seat she noticed that Potter was staring vividly at her, although he bowed his head quickly once she had spotted
him.

Lily sighed and sat in her seat, looking over at him again. He was scribbling so furiously that ink was splattering onto
his nose and flying at Sirius, who was sitting next to him and was huffing with annoyance. She watched him with mild
interest as he jumped from his seat and handed the Professor his test, glancing at her with a determined air. Lily
raised her eyebrow. Is he competing with me?

He was now sitting down again, still staring at her. Lily sighed and turned around completely, so that he wasn't even in
her line of vision. She heard him click his tongue to get her attention, but Lily didn't even bother.

The quiz took about half of the class period so the few students who had already finished idly doodled or in Lily's
case, read. After that the Professor lectured them about N.E.W.T.s exams this year, like he did all of last week and the
week before. Then he sent them out to practice a few charms he thought would appear on the exams.

The class was grumbling by the time they got out, all except for Lily. She hitched her bag over her shoulder, sighing
contently and straightened her gray skirt, which was part of her school uniform, along with her white button up and red
and gold tie. She saw that Potter was on the other side of the classroom and was moving rather slowly so that he'd have
an excuse to talk to her. Lily rolled her eyes and moved quickly past him, but he called out her name anyway.

Her first name.

“Lily,” he repeated, as she continued walking. He caught up to her, grinning. “Hi.”

She didn't answer, and he mumbled something incoherent under his breath. Then he said, “So. Why aren't you answering?”

“I don't answer to `Lily', Potter.” She replied briskly, taking big steps so that he'd leave her alone.

“Lily Potter,” he said, a grin coming on again. He was beaming. “I like that.”

Lily glared. “It's Evans. Call me Evans, not—”

“That test was pretty easy,” Potter interrupted loudly, drowning out her voice. Lily narrowed her eyes at him for being
so stuck-up. “I think I got an `O' on it, how about you?”

“I don't brag about my grades,” Lily said icily. Not to anyone directly, anyway.

“Charms is my favorite subject.” He said, as if he didn't hear her. Lily raised an eyebrow.

“I thought it was Transfiguration.” Lily said suspiciously. Potter looked delighted.

“I knew you knew something about me,” he said, grinning.

“That's because you tell everyone you're the best at it,” she said, scrunching her nose up in disgust.

They had reached the library, and unfortunately, Potter was still following her. She stopped at the door, turning to
look at him. “I have to go to the library,” she said slowly.

“So do I.” Potter said immediately.

“No,” Lily said, narrowing her eyes. “You don't.”

“I do.” He said, nodding. “Are you going to stand there all day? Because break's going to be over soon.”

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed, walking into the library and not bothering to hold the door for him. She sat down at
the nearest table with James Potter following suit, although she knew already that she could do nothing to prevent it.

She took out her Transfiguration book and essay, then set out to work. Her parchment was already filled out a roll and a
half, and only one roll was asked. Then again, the essay was only due in a week, and she had already started on it. From
the corner of her eye she could see Potter staring at her again, in either amusement or awe, she couldn't tell. Lily
didn't like it when people looked at her for a long period of time, which didn't really happen unless he was around.

She huffed and turned to look at him, scowling. “What?” she spat.

“I was just admiring you,” he said matter-of-factly, smiling slightly. Lily gave him a very sadistic look and returned
to her essay, forcing herself to keep her mouth shut.

Lily knew it was only a matter of time before he spoke again. And he did. “Is that our Transfiguration essay?”

Lily opened her mouth, ready to retort, but then saw that he wasn't saying anything offensive. She quietly pursed her
lips then said patiently (although with extreme difficulty), “Why, yes, it is, Potter.”

Potter widened his eyes. “That's really long.”

“Yep.” Lily said briskly, cutting him off again. She put her quill behind her ear and read through what she had so far,
double-checking if it was correct.

“Do you need help?” he asked, leaning over so he could read it. She snatched her parchment away.

“Potter, no.”

“Okay, okay.” Potter said, putting his hands up in defense. He leaned back in his chair so that the hind legs supported
it, ruffling his hair but stopping once he saw the look on her face. “Er—Transfiguration's my best subject, you know.”

Lily pursed her lips. “You said it was Charms.”

“No, I didn't.”

“Yes, you did.” Lily said, obviously flustered. “You said it a minute ago.”

“Oh, right. That.” Potter said, smiling although blushing slightly. “Well—you see, you misheard me. I said Charms is my
favorite subject, and Transfiguration is my best subject.”

Lily gaped at him, holding her hands down so she wouldn't slap him out of frustration. “Why am I even—” She stopped
abruptly once the bell rung overhead. Lily glared at him and stuffed her essay into her bag along with her book, very
peeved that she couldn't finish her homework.

It's only due in a week, the rational Lily said to herself. Mcgonagall just told you about it a few days ago.

But Potter is here and he is annoying the hell out of me, the other, easily tempered, and larger side of Lily, said. Why
can't he just—

“I'll walk you to class,” Potter said suddenly, jumping out of his chair and throwing his bag over his shoulder quickly
as if just in case she had any ideas of running away. Lily was fuming. See? I can't even think by myself anymore!

“Potter,” Lily said through gritted teeth, clenching her fists at her sides. “We have the same class.”

“Well, then it'll be easier, won't it?” he said, chuckling feebly but stopping as he noticed that she was glaring at
him. In one quick motion, he grabbed Lily's bag and slung it over his shoulder also, giving her his trademark,
disturbing stare. “I'll just carry these for you,” he said slowly and defiantly, as if he knew she was going to yell at
him and didn't care.

Lily stared at him. Is he losing his mind?

“We're going to be late,” he said.

Yes. He definitely is, Lily thought with utter defeat.

“Whatever, Potter.” Lily said, heaving a sigh as she turned to leave the library. “Whatever.”

***

Wow. Evans looks like she's about to kill you.

-

Padfoot

That's pretty probable.

-

Prongs

Ha-ha. What did you do this time, mate?

Besides proclaim my undying love for her? Nothing.

Did you really?

Nah. If I did, she'd really kill me.

Too true. Do you think she's glaring daggers at you because you two were late?

I'm pretty sure that's it.

Ha-ha. Look at her. You'd think she was never late in her life.

Well, she hasn't been.

Trust you to know that.

Exactly.

So, how's the plan going?

I think it's going all right. Can't be sure until Flitwick hands them back to us, though, can we?

I guess. Hey Prongs, why are you so happy?

Ha-ha. You can tell, can't you?

Duh. Your grin is sickening me with your romantic arse.

My arse is romantic? That makes no sense, you know.

Whatever. So why are you beaming like Christmas came early?

She didn't yell at me.

Come again?

No, seriously. She didn't yell at me. Well, she glared, and she gritted her teeth a lot while we were walking down the
hall, and wow, she looked like she was about to hit me over the head when she saw that I had gotten her bag—but she
didn't yell at me. Not once.

Prongs, you are so pathetic.

What? No…

Riiight. Anyway, she probably didn't yell at you because then Mcgonagall would have definitely given her a detention.

So? Well, giving us a detention would definitely be a plus. Do you think she'd put us in the same one?

Depends. If she feels like being kind to you and mean to her, then yes, she probably would.

Ha-ha, Padfoot. Ha-ha.

Well, then. Just try getting her late again and all of your problems will be solved.

For a few hours, anyway.

True.

***

Somehow she had managed to take her bag from him at the end of class and storm outside so she could have some peace. She
thought that the air outside would be far too chilly for anybody to want to go outside, and he wouldn't dare follow her.
She was wrong.

“Seriously, why won't you just give me a chance?”

“Potter, can you please go away? I'm asking you nicely.”

“And I'm asking you nicely. Why won't you go out with me?”

Lily rolled her eyes and sat underneath a beech tree by the lake, which due to the wind, was rocking in ferocious waves
that splashed ashore from side to side. She looked around and saw that no one was outside besides them, which made
sense. She had goosebumps all over her skin due to the cold.

Potter was still looking at her intently. Lily sighed exasperatedly and took out her essay again, determined to finish
it.

“Well?” he prompted.

Lily gritted her teeth and pressed her fingers against her temples while holding down her essay from the wind with her
elbow. She opened her eyes and glared at him, but he didn't back off. Finally, after a heated stare contest that was
making Lily's temper boil over the edge, she burst out, “Merlin, Potter, does it even matter?”

“Of course it does.” He said immediately, brushing his hair out of his eyes since the wind was continuously blowing his
locks into his face.

“And why is that?” Lily bellowed, half because of the wind, half because she was losing her patience quickly.

“So—I—can—change!”

Lily stared at him. His hair was even messier than usual and his cheeks were flushed, either from the cold or from
embarrassment, she wasn't sure. For some reason her attention was directed at his hazel eyes, which for some reason,
were shining more so than usual.

She couldn't think of why, but somehow she thought that he was telling the truth.

“You wouldn't do that.” Lily said quietly, shaking her head and still staring at him. He heard her anyway.

“Of course I would.” He said.

“For me?” Lily said, raising an eyebrow. “You'd change for me?” The whole idea was laughable. Who the hell would change
for her? Her mother certainly hadn't, her father hadn't, and her sister hadn't. She had changed for them, but not them
for her.

He looked pretty blank, as if to say, Why not?

“You are unbelievable,” Lily said, sighing. “James, don't even say that.” She furrowed her eyebrows and took out her
quill, reading over her sentences.

“What?”

Lily huffed and looked up at him in annoyance, but was taken aback at how he was looking at her. It was a very strange
look, even stranger than the stare he'd use on her because when he looked at her like that, it would always seem like he
was hurt by something she said, or he was angry that he couldn't have her. But this look…well it was very…happy.

“What?” Lily asked loudly, due to the sudden wind current that had rushed towards them. She was also getting very
nervous about what had she said that was obviously a mistake, since James looked positively gleeful.

“Well,” James began, grinning. That's when Lily knew that she had said something she shouldn't have—because James was
looking very happy indeed.

Wait. James…

Lily suddenly slapped her hand over her mouth. She had called him James. Not Potter, but James.

“Uh…” Lily said slowly, feeling immediately stupid. She felt something fly past her elbow and gasped, seeing that it was
her whole essay that was now blowing in the wind and moving away from her. “Wait, no! Where—where is it—” Lily scrambled
through her bag, looking for her wand as James—no, Potter—looked at her in amusement.

“James! Do something!” she shrieked at him. “I mean, Potter! Potter—do something, damn it!”

“Okay, okay.” He said, although he was still grinning at her. He took out his wand out of his pocket and waved it.
“Accio parchment!”

Lily's essay stopped in midair because of the charm, and slowly made its way back to his hands. He grabbed it and tucked
it into his pocket, smiling at her. “I honestly don't see why you wanted to come out here anyway.”

Lily hated the way he was looking at her. He was looking at her with immense smugness, as if he knew she'd call him by
his first name someday. Lily scowled and reached for her essay, but he held it out of reach.

“Potter, give it back.” Lily snapped. She was getting very, very frustrated.

Instead of giving Lily back her homework, Ja—ahem—Potter, said, “Accio wand!”

Lily's wand flew right out of her bag and into his hand, and he held onto that and her essay, grinning. Lily frowned.

“Give it back,” she repeated.

“Not yet,” he said, tucking them into his book bag and throwing it over his shoulder. He stood up and she abruptly
followed suit, taking her own bag.

“Potter, I mean it.” She said. Lily stepped up and gave him a very vehement look, despite the fact he was at least a
head taller than she was.

James raised an eyebrow. “Do you? What are you going to do? Hex me?” He threw his head back and laughed at his own
little joke. Lily hardly found it funny and made a sudden move to kick him, but he quickly moved out of the way. Damn
those Quidditch reflexes.

He clucked his tongue and shook his head, still smiling at her. “Tut, tut, Lily. You can be really rude sometimes.”

“I don't care,” Lily said, trying to be patient but failing miserably. “Just give it to me.”

“Okay.” James said easily. He said it so easily, in fact, that Lily knew that he wanted something more. She was right.
“Call me James then.”

It was the order she was dreading. Lily stuck her chin up and frowned. “No.”

“Alright,” he said. He was grinning; as if that was the answer he was both expecting and wanting from her. He made a
move to leave her, but she abruptly moved in front of him.

“Potter, you're not being funny.” She said, as he continued to beam at her. “I'm serious.”

“So am I.” James said pleasantly. He moved her out of the way, although Lily couldn't help but notice that he grabbed
her arm gently so, and didn't push her. She gaped at him as he turned to leave and kept going, until he reached the
stone steps and waved goodbye to her.

***

“I swear, if you don't stop snogging that thing, I am going to kick your arse out of this room.” Sirius said later that
day when they were in their dormitory, lazing about. James grinned; still clutching the essay that he had somehow
managed to take from his loved one. “It was Evans who called you James, Prongs, not the parchment.”

“Yep. Lily called me James. James.” He was in a dreamy state of ignorance and bliss. “Can you believe it? She called
me—”

“We heard you the first time,” Remus said tiredly from his four-poster, where he was folding his clothes neatly and
stacking them in his trunk. Even he was getting a little annoyed.

Suddenly Peter appeared at the open doorway, where several students were passing through to get to their own
dormitories. He was carrying all of his books, which he dropped grudgingly onto his bed, and then looked at his friends
with panic. “Can someone help me with my homework?”

When James continued to rant about Lily and Sirius rolled his eyes and chucked a pillow at him, Remus sighed, “Here,
Pete,” and then motioned his friend over so that he could help him while putting away his clothes.

“OW!” James suddenly yelped. “Honestly, Sirius, a pillow doesn't hurt but a shoe—?”

“You're so love stricken that you can't even block it,” Sirius said, shaking his head and looking disgusted.

“Will both of you shut up?” Peter said irritably. “I had to endure the whole common room making noise until mostly
everyone finally left, and you two are hardly being any quieter.”

“Say, is Lily down there?” James said, suddenly perking up.

“Uh, I think…”

“See you later chaps,” James said briskly and then left immediately, making sure that her essay was tucked safely into
his pocket. Sirius tried throwing another shoe at him but this time missed.

She wasn't there anymore. Damn it, James thought, feeling oddly crestfallen when he saw that the common room was
completely empty except for Lannie Williamson and a young girl she was tutoring. He sunk into the nearest armchair and
took out her essay, looking hard at it. Her handwriting was tiny, neat, and in cursive. James marveled at even something
as simple as that.

She doesn't love me, he thought grudgingly. Oh, well. You're pretty bright, aren't you, James?

James sighed and leaned back, sinking his head deeper into the cushion behind him. He closed his eyes and huffed loudly,
like a two-year old whose parents refused to give him another sweet.

“You really like her, don't you?”

James jumped in the air and looking frantically around. The girl Lannie had been tutoring was gone now and Lannie had
obviously noticed that he was there. She grinned and James gave her a sheepish look. “Yeah, I do.” He said honestly.

Lannie smiled a bit and to James's surprise, went around his seat and sat in the one across from him. She laid her books
down on her lap and looked skeptic as she rested both her elbows at the sides and brought her fingers beneath her chin.
“You know, most girls would kill to have a guy like them that much.”

James raised his eyebrow. She was being very bold for someone who he had always assumed to be quite shy. “That's what I
thought anyway,” he said matter-of-factly, then paused. “How did you know that I was thinking about her?”

“You looked like you were in love.” She said simply, and smiled. James smiled back. Lannie swept her golden bangs out of
her eyes and looked curious, not incredulous like James assumed her to be. “So, why her?”

James let his mouth drop open and Lannie laughed. “Why her?”

“Yes.” Lannie said slowly. She looked amused. “I'm just curious. I mean…she's pretty quiet, don't you think?”

It was James's turn to laugh. “Quiet? No way.” James said, grinning at the very thought of her. “Lily…isn't quiet.”

“Well, she's in my dormitory.” Lannie said, with the air of someone who knew better. “She seems quiet to me.”

“She yells at me all the time,” James said reasonably. “And besides, you seem like a pretty quiet one too.”

This time it was Lannie's turn to blush. She grinned embarrassedly. “Well…I can be.” She said, looking down.

“When you're around Remus, you mean?” James said, giving her a devilish grin. Lannie rolled her eyes, sweeping her bangs
again and tightening her ponytail just to buy time. “Right?” James prompted.

“Fine, yes.” Lannie said forcefully, although she blushed slightly more. “But that's not we're talking about.”

“Of course.” James grinned.

“So…she's not quiet then?”

“Well, I suppose I can see why you'd think that,” James said thoughtfully. “But when she's not quiet, or yelling, which
is usually at me, she can be…pleasant.”

Lannie raised her eyebrows. “Pleasant?”

“Oh, yes.”

“How so?” Lannie said, laughing as if she doubted it. James suddenly felt defensive.

“Well, like when she smiles.” James said, wanting more than ever now to prove her wrong. “She always smiles at the first
years when they first arrive in the Great Hall.”

Lannie chuckled, tilting her head to the side. “Really.” She said.

“She gives anyone notes for any class any time.” James continued. He paused, smiling sadly for a moment. “Well, except
the Slytherins. They're always mean to her.”

“Yeah, well, they're mean to everyone.” Lannie said reasonably.

“No, they're a lot meaner to her.” James said, shaking his head and frowning. He suddenly felt angry. “Just because
she's a muggleborn.”

Lannie brought her books up to her chest and adjusted in her seat so that her ponytail swung from side to side. She
tilted her head again. “Are you pureblood?” she asked curiously.

“Does it matter?” James said, sticking out his chin. Lannie laughed.

“Merlin, Potter, you think I care about that? Besides, I'm a half-blood, so I'm just wondering.”

James frowned, still feeling defensive. “Yeah, I am.”

“Hm.” Lannie said, looking thoughtful. James scowled and she raised an eyebrow. “Potter, I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm
just saying it's strange. Purebloods usually don't go for muggleborns.” She stood up, smoothing her skirt and
straightening her books. “Well, I think I'm going to turn in now. Tutoring is harder than it looks, you know.”

“Wait, Lannie.” James said, just as she started to move to the staircase. She stopped, raising an eyebrow at his hopeful
yet desperate expression. “Lily's a girl, and well, you're a girl too.”

“You got that much right.” Lannie said, smiling.

James ignored what she was trying to imply and continued. “So, what do you think…about our, you know—situation?”

Lannie sighed, although she was grinning also. “Potter, I think that the situation is entirely yours, and I think that's
also entirely your problem. Unless I'm very much mistaken, Lily just isn't interested.” She paused; sweeping her bangs
out of her face and looking amused at James's crestfallen expression. “That doesn't mean that she won't be, though.”

James frowned, exhaling loudly. “What do you mean?”

“You're a piece of work, Potter.” Lannie said, grinning and opening the door of the girls' dormitories. “I'm sure you
can figure it out.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

4. Spitting Games

Chapter Four:

I broke into your house last night
And left a note at your bedside
I'm far too shy to speak to you at school
You leave me numb and I'm not sure why

I find it easier to sit and stare
Than push my limbs out towards you right there
My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes
As blue as oceans and as pure as skies

-Spitting Games, Snow Patrol

Lily had avoided him all week, but he was always insistent and stubborn. Now that Lily thought about it, she was that
way too.

Doesn't mean anything though, she told herself. He's still a prat.

She was only referring him to `you', since now that Lily knew what her mouth was capable of, she didn't want to take any
chances of calling him by anything other than his surname. I really hate him sometimes.

“How's that essay coming along, Lil?”

“Go away,” Lily said through gritted teeth. She didn't even bother to look up at him and continued to sip some of her
juice then diligently return to her work. He sat down close to her—a little too close, in Lily's opinion—and reached for
a fruit from the basket in front of him.

“What kind of juice is that?” he asked her. Lily rolled her eyes and bit on her thumbnail, ignoring him. “That's a bad
habit, by the way.”

“I know it's a bad habit,” Lily snapped despite herself. “But I don't care.”

“You should. Your hands are so nice.”

Lily glared at him but he looked unperturbed. “I bite my nails because of people like you.” She said venomously.

“You mean devilishly charming and handsome people?” he said teasingly. Lily narrowed her eyes down to slits and gave him
a look that clearly said `Shut up', but he kept on going. “You didn't answer my question about what you're drinking.”

“It's apple.” Lily said tiredly. “Apple, okay? Now leave—me—alone.”

“Apple, you say?” he said, as if he wasn't giving her a mental breakdown and as if they were good old friends who were
chatting about the weather. “Look at that.”

Lily was beyond exasperated. “Look at what?”

James—or rather, Potter—pointed at the fruit he was holding. “I'm eating an apple,” he said, just in case she couldn't
identify the round, red fruit that was being held by his fingers. “And you're having apple juice. You see? We do have
some things in common.”

Lily raised her eyebrows. “I never said we didn't.” Although it is true.

“Then why don't you say it?” he said. “It would give me some hope, you know.”

“And that, is precisely why I don't say it.” Lily sighed. The bell rung overhead and she stood up to gather her books;
cursing that yet again James Potter had disturbed her work ethic. She stuffed her things inside her book bag and slung
it over her shoulder, very much aware of the fact that he was walking beside her.

“You don't want to give me hope?” he said, looking wounded. “That hurts, Lil.”

“Don't call me, Lil—”

“I mean, can't you see that I genuinely and truly like you?”

Lily paused in her steps, looking at him critically. His expression was rather hopeful as her eyes traveled from the top
of his shaggy head, to the soles of his shoes. “No,” she finally said, then continued walking.

“But why not?” he said in a whining voice while Black laughed passing by.

“Because we've never had a proper and real conversation, you don't even know anything about me, and I don't know
anything about you.” Lily said immediately, giving him a cold look. “Does that answer your question?”

“You think you know me, though.” He said, smiling slightly. “You call me smug and a stupid prat all the time.”

“Are you saying that you aren't?” Lily said coolly.

“Are you saying that you're wrong if I say I'm not?”

Lily had to think about that for a moment. “I suppose.” She said slowly.

“Then Lily dear, prepare to be proved wrong.” He said, and then opened the classroom door to let her through.

***

“Hola.”

James raised his eyebrows inquisitively. “Excuse me?” he asked Lannie, who was now leaning across the table that he was
sitting at in the common room.

Lannie sighed, sweeping her bangs aside. “It means `hi'. Didn't you ever study Spanish?” she asked, sitting down.

“I'm pureblood, remember?”

“Hm. Right.” She said, rolling her eyes. She looked up upon seeing Sirius walking towards them, grinning.

“Guess with whom Mr. Handsome just got a date with?” he said, completely ignoring Lannie and wiggling his eyebrows at
James.

“One of the slut patrol, I bet.” Lannie said, jerking her head towards Heather, Daphne, and the other girls. Sirius gave
her a weird look as if to say `who the hell are you and why are you here' but she merely grinned. “Ah, I see I'm right.”

“I hope it's Heather, so you could get her off my back.” James said grimly. He closed his book and gave him a
questioning look. “Are you supposed to be Mr. Handsome?”

“Who are you?” Sirius said, rather rudely. He was still staring down at Lannie.

“Lannie Williamson.” She said unabashedly. James looked from one to the other, raising his eyebrows.

“The girl who's in love with Moony?”

Lannie furrowed her eyebrows. “Who's Moony?”

“That's what we call Remus,” James said unconcernedly; Lily had just retrieved from her dormitory to search for her
Transfiguration book. He knew that was the book she was looking for because he was the one who had taken it from her.

“So, are you the one who's had a crush on him forever?”

It was one of those rare moments in which Lannie looked embarrassed and blushed. Nevertheless, she scowled defensively
and said casually, “Black, forever is a considerably long time.”

“Where is my book?” Lily demanded. She had just stomped over to their table, looking furious.

“Lily, how lovely to see you.” James said, raising his eyebrows and grinning.

“Ah, I've been looking forward to this,” Sirius said, leaning back in his chair on its hind legs and looking amused. “I
believe Evans here only yelled at James today—what? Twice? Three times?”

Lily gave him a sour look. “Ha-ha, Black.”

“You're pretty mean, you know.” Lannie said, looking rather serious. She was staring at Sirius, who was staring at her,
and who was being stared at by both Lily and James. Finally, Lannie shrugged, saying, “Well, you are.”

“Right.” Lily said, furrowing her eyebrows. She turned to James again. “James, can you please give me my book and my
essay?”

If she thought that the silence would be broken she was certainly wrong. Instead of everyone staring at Lannie, everyone
was now looking at Lily, who had just blushed crimson and slapped a hand over her mouth.

“You just called him James,” Sirius said slowly.

“Isn't that his first name?” Lannie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I can't believe it,” James said, grinning smugly. “You said it again.”

Lily huffed and put her hands on her hips, but James saw through this immediately. She was trying to act all tough and
indifferent, but her flaming red face gave her away.

“So, that's how you're going to play, isn't it?” Lily said defiantly. In one moment she snatched James's The Dark
Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection and tucked it underneath her arm. “Fine. You don't have to give me my stuff right
now, but I'll just be keeping this for the time being.”

She then stalked off over to her lone table, swinging her bag over her shoulder and stomping up the stairs to the girls'
dormitory.

Lannie gave James a sympathetic look. “Ah, I see.”

“See what?” James snapped. He was pretty annoyed right now, and didn't really feel like listening to anybody at the
moment.

“I see why she doesn't like you.” Lannie clarified.

“And why is that?” James asked dully.

Lannie stood up from her seat, her ponytail bouncing behind her as she took her books from the table and held them in
her arms. She grinned. “Well, you're not very romantic.”

James's jaw dropped. “What? I am too.” He said, sticking out his chin and crossing his arms.

“Prongs, I'm not so sure that's a good thing,” Sirius said lazily, leaning back on the hind legs of his chair and
smirking. He suddenly looked thoughtful. “I always thought you were too romantic though…”

Lannie pushed her bangs out of her eyes. “Well, either way, you have to show it more. And you need to grow up,
Potter—taking a girl's book will not win her heart.”

“That's probably why you like Remus so much,” Sirius said, raising his eyebrow. “Because he acts like a forty year old.”

Lannie glared at him. “He does not.”

Just as Sirius was about to retort, James interrupted. “Well, how should I do it, Williamson?” he asked crossly.

“Say and do nice things.” Lannie said slowly, as if she was talking to a stressed two-year old.

James scowled. “I am nice.” He said.

“Well, I know you are, and Black probably does too—”

“I don't think so,” Sirius said, his gray eyes glinting mischievously as he grinned at James.

“Whatever.” Lannie said, rolling her eyes. “The point is, Lily doesn't know that. She thinks you're an arse. You should
see the number of times I see her come up to our dormitory looking pissed because of something idiotic that you said.”

“Really?” James asked, looking crestfallen. That's not the reaction he wanted Lily to have. Lannie nodded, and James
ruffled his hair in an exasperated sort of way. “Well, I don't mean to make her mad. I just—can't exactly…help it
sometimes.”

Lannie merely shook her head at him, and James sighed. “Lannie, can't you—er—you know…”

“I'm not telling her you're some god or something.” Lannie said, looking amused.

“I didn't mean that!” James scolded, although by the way he blushed you could tell that what he wanted Lannie to say was
something along the lines of that. “But you can at least put in a good word for me now and then…”

“Potter, even if I did,” Lannie said patiently. “She won't believe me because of the stupid things you say.”

“I second that.” Sirius said, and James glared at him. “Honestly, Prongs, why do you like her so much anyway?”

“You always ask me that,” James said tiredly. “And I can never answer.”

“Anyway, I'll go now.” Lannie said, already starting to walk off. “Adios.”

James and Sirius looked at her bewilderingly. “It means bye,” she said tiredly.

“Ah, right.” James said, nodding. He grinned at Lannie. “See you later, Williamson.”

She left, leaving only the two of them at their table. Sirius raised an eyebrow at James and said, “Why is she hanging
out with you, anyway?”

James gave him a questioning look. “Um, I don't know. She started talking to be a few days ago.”

“Hm.” Sirius said, but he did not elaborate.

“So,” James said, glancing at the girls' dormitory door and then forcing himself not to look at it. “Do you want to do
something tonight? Or are you too busy with whatever her name is?”

Sirius shrugged. “My date with Daphne is tomorrow. I can do something tonight, though.”

James grinned. “Okay. Let's just get out our trusty map…” He reached towards his bag and took out his stack of
parchment, where he usually kept it so that it would look irrelevant. He furrowed his eyebrows upon not seeing it, then
looked through his One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi, which was on the table…

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing.” James muttered, opening The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 7 and flipping it upside down so that any papers
that were in it would fall out. The only thing that dropped from the book, however, was a half-finished essay that he
had to do for Transfiguration (how did he manage to be Head Boy?) and a broken quill. “Well, except that I can't find
the Marauder's map.”

“It's probably in your bag.” Sirius said without the least bit of worry as he looked at his fingernails.

“I looked in my bag.” James said, taking his book bag and spilling its contents onto the table frantically. He was
starting to panic. “Where is it?”

Sirius let the front legs of his chair set down onto the floor and furrowed his eyebrows at James. He seized the nearest
book also and looked underneath it, spreading James's homework so that he could see if the map was anywhere to be seen.
Even if it was blank at the moment (the boys always remembered to wipe the map blank after their mischief-making was
done), it was rather distinguishable because they had used it so many times and could practically memorize every crease
and bent that was in the parchment.

“Okay, let's think. Where was it the last time you saw it?”

James froze in his actions, having just opened Numerology and Gramatica and holding it in midair to dump everything that
was in between the pages. He had a horrified look on his face, an expression Sirius knew too well and knew that it meant
trouble. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, clearly saying, what the hell did you do?

“It was in that book,” He said, looking terrified. “Lily has the map.

***

Lily really thought that James wouldn't mind so much that she took his Defense Against the Dark Arts book; in fact, Lily
thought that he wouldn't even bug her about it. True, it was a weak offense on her part, but it was the only thing that
she could think of doing to aggravate him, even if it might've not have worked.

It did though.

“Listen, Lily,” James said the next day during Potions, looking extremely nervous while Sirius gave him an ominous look
next to him. “I know that I wasn't being nice to you, so would you mind—er—giving my book back?”

“Give me my book and my essay then.” Lily said promptly at the supply shelf, taking the necessary ingredients and moving
over so that Remus could get access to the shelf also.

“But, um…I don't really have it right now.” James said. Lily stood up, her arms full of Ashwinder eggs and bezoars and a
cold look on her face.

“No book then.” She said coolly, setting off to her desk and dumping the ingredients next to her cauldron. James
followed her however, looking anxious.

“But you have it with you, don't you?”

“No.” Lily said. “It's in my dormitory.”

“Can we get it after this class then?” James asked quickly.

Lily raised her eyebrow suspiciously as she took the Ashwinder eggs and started to shell them. “We only have Defense
Against the Dark Arts in two days…why do you want it so much?”

“No reason.” James answered, although by the look on his face, it was far from it. “Just give it to me soon, okay?” He
started towards his own desk where Sirius was. Lily saw that he was looking rather angry and had asked James something,
who shook his head.

“Is this seat taken?”

Lily jumped and nearly toppled off her seat. Lannie was standing across from her, smiling and holding her cauldron
underneath her arm. “No,” Lily said, not really thinking about it (she was still looking at James's and Sirius's
suspicious reactions), and Lannie sat down immediately.

“What are you looking at?” Lannie asked, turning so that she had Lily's line of vision.

“Nothing.” Lily said hurriedly, just in case Lannie got any wrong ideas of how Lily felt about James. She realized that
she had been calling him James inside of her head and not Potter all of the class period, and she inwardly cursed
herself.

Lannie raised her eyebrow and smiled slightly, taking her own Ashwinder eggs and shelling them. “So,” she said, trying
to initiate a conversation. “Potter seems to really like you.”

Lily gave a very cynical laugh. “Or so he says,” she said. She had already cut her eggs in top speed and had dumped them
in her cauldron, and was now weighing her bezoars.

“You think he's just fooling around and being his usual idiotic self?”

Lily looked at Lannie from her scales and furrowed her eyebrows. “Well, yes.” She said matter-of-factly.

“I don't think so.” Lannie said firmly, shaking her head so that her ponytail thrashed behind her. When Lily openly
stared at her, she added, “I mean…I've been talking to him lately. You're all he talks about.”

Lily smiled for a fraction of a second, then remembering that she wasn't supposed to be flattered by anything James
would do or say, just shook her head and said acidly, “Well, even so, he really doesn't feel anything for me. He just
thinks I'm another challenge for him.”

Lannie smiled, as if she knew better. “You don't really think that.”

What the heck? Lily thought, furrowing her eyebrows. They hardly even knew each other, and the girl was already telling
her what was right and wrong! And now that she thought about it, why was Lannie even sitting with her? Lannie had been
one of the few in their year who was taking Potions due to N.E.W.T.s, but she had always sat with people like Samantha
Welling and Terry Jordan, who were both in Ravenclaw.

Lily realized that Lannie was talking to her again, and was waving her hand in front of her face. “You awake?” she
asked, grinning.

“Uh, yes.” Lily said. She blushed and looked down at her scale again.

“Okay,” Lannie said, laughing slightly. She glanced over at James, who was raising his eyebrow at her and widening his
eyes in some sort of silent communication. Lily noticed this too.

“Are you two in this together?” Lily asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.

Lannie waved at James then turned to Lily. “Well, he asked me to try and talk to you.”

Lily snorted. “Typical.”

“But I told him no.”

“Oh?” Lily asked, feeling slightly taken aback.

“Now I'm just in this for the fun,” Lannie said. She gave Lily a wicked grin, who was feeling more confused than ever.

***

Remus looked at Sirius, who was glaring at James, who was looking at Peter hopefully so that he would come to his
defense. Remus sighed and pressed his fingers to his temples, closing his eyes for a moment then reopening them.

“Can you believe this prat?” Sirius had finally broken the silence and was now giving James a very murderous look.

“James, don't you ever listen to me?” Remus asked calmly, although there was definite crease between his eyebrows.

“He doesn't listen to anyone,” Peter said, shaking his head.

“Pete!” James exclaimed indignantly, looking affronted. He expected at least Peter to be on his side.

“Well, he's right.” Remus said, raising an eyebrow. “How did you ever get to be Head Boy and Quidditch captain?”

James couldn't help but grin, even though most of his friends at the moment were glaring at him in their dormitory.
“You're the one who didn't want to be prefect anymore, Moony.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “James, why do you do these things to Lily?”

“Exactly!” Sirius said, pointing an accusing finger right at James's face. “If it weren't for you attacking Evans all
the time—she wouldn't have stolen our map!”

“She didn't do it on purpose.” James said defensively.

“But you stole her things on purpose.” Remus replied patiently. “And Sirius is right—we wouldn't be worrying about our
map if it weren't for you.”

“It took us two years to make,” Peter said, shaking his head. “We're disappointed in you, James.”

The other three boys were all making their way to the dormitory door, and the discussion was clearly over. James
furrowed his eyebrows as the rest of the Marauders left the room to go downstairs to the common room.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep your hats on.” James said grumpily, reaching for the door handle. “I'll get it, don't worry.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

5. Just The Girl

Sorry guys, I won't ever take this long to update again. I hope you all had a good summer. Enjoy.

Chapter Five:

She's cold and she's cruel
Bus she knows what she's doin'
She pushed me in the pool
At our last school reunion
She laughs at my dreams
But I dream about her laughter
Strange as it seems
She's the one I'm after

-Just the Girl, Click Five

Lily had been sitting quietly in her dormitory at the time; she was brushing her hair and putting it up with her bobby
pins. She smoothed out her nightgown and glanced at the mirror. She hated how white clothes made her look even paler.

After giving her reflection a critical look (she had always been self-conscious), she decided to look over her test that
Flitwick had given out that day. She had received an `Outstanding', much to her delight. James had also gotten an
`Outstanding', but she wouldn't have known it if he hadn't bragged about it to her when they left the classroom.

Stupid James, Lily thought viciously. She had given up on trying to train herself into calling him only Potter. It
seemed that the more she tried the more she felt comfortable saying his first name, which wasn't good at all. Stupid,
stupid, stupid.

It was then that Lily noticed something. She must've been too preoccupied with calling James various names inside her
head because she had just knocked over her glass of water as she tried to reach for it on her bedside cabinet. Not only
did it spill water everywhere (she quickly tidied it up with her wand) it also rolled under her bed.

Miraculously, the cup did not break. When Lily bent down to look under her four-poster so that she would be able to
retrieve it, she realized that James's book was under there as well. She had forgotten that she had hidden it there.

Lily grabbed both her glass and the book, setting her cup on her cabinet and  The Dark Forces: A Guide to
Self-Protection onto her bed. She studied the cover for a moment, and then remembered how James had insisted for her to
give it to him later that day. She didn't—and not by accident, either. She liked to make that insufferable prat squirm,
even if it was rather childish for her to do so. And for some reason, James had been very, very worried about not
getting his book back.

Lily knew that it couldn't have been homework because they hadn't received any homework in their Defense Against the
Dark Arts class. Perhaps he had borrowed it? Maybe he was worried that he wouldn't be able to get it back to the owner
in time. But this description of a James Potter that wasn't selfish at all but actually thoughtful to others didn't seem
to fit the actual person. Lily checked the name in the inside cover and saw that there was none. So it had to be
James's—since he was very irresponsible. Sirius Black was rather irresponsible too, but she doubted that the two best
friends would mind borrowing each other's stuff.

So, what is it…? Lily flipped through the various pages and saw that there was a folded piece of parchment right in
between pages 908 and 909. She picked it up, feeling pretty nosy but then reminding herself that this was James Potter
and she shouldn't care what he thought of her anyway. Lily unfolded it, but was disappointed to see that there was
nothing written.

James was just being strange, she supposed.

***

After having his ears bitten off by both Sirius and Peter and having Remus telling him patiently that this was no way to
`win fair lady's heart'; James was finally able to leave upon seeing Lily enter the Great Hall. She had her hair in two
braids today (she really is beautiful, isn't she?), and was carrying James's book in her arms.

“Good morning, James.” Lily said, surprising James immensely by greeting him first. She looked at him with a raised
eyebrow and added, “And no, I don't care that I'm saying your first name.”

James let his mouth drop open for a few seconds, and then realized that he probably looked very stupid doing so. He
closed his mouth and cleared his throat, saying, “I'm glad to hear it, love.”

Lily immediately pushed aside his name for her and frowned at him. “Do you have my things?”

“Yep.” James said, grinning at her as he set his bag on the table and took out her Transfiguration book, which he gave
to her. Lily gave him a suspicious look and opened her mouth to say something but James answered her first. “It's in the
first page.” He said.

Lily looked at him strangely. “What is?”

James raised an eyebrow. “Your essay,” James said, reaching towards the table and taking a pastry, which he immediately
put in his mouth. He watched as Lily opened the book slowly, as if she wasn't sure to believe him or not, then exhaled
with relief upon seeing her essay folded right where he said it would be.

“Do you do this a lot?” Lily asked, pointing to her essay. “Put your homework in your books, I mean.”

James raised an eyebrow, wondering why she was asking. “Er—yeah, I do. It's a habit.”

“Oh.” Lily said, and James was relieved to see her smile. “Well, here's your book, then.”

“Thanks.” James said, glancing back at his friends who were all giving him expectant looks. He grimaced and turned to
Lily, smiling. “I appreciate you being nice to me, Lil.”

Lily's smile faded. “Don't call me Lil.”

“Right.” He said, James's own grin sliding off his face.

The bell rung overhead and Lily quickly took an apple from the fruit basket, biting off of it. James watched as she
carefully put both her Transfiguration book and essay inside her bag and swung it over both her shoulders. Lily noticed
that he was staring at her and she frowned.

“Don't do that.” Lily snapped. James smirked.

“I guess the old Lily is back.” He said, raising an eyebrow. He too put his book inside his bag and followed her out of
the Great Hall. “Any chance you'll let me escort you?”

“I didn't think I had a choice.” Lily sighed as they cut through the entrance hall and went out onto the grounds.

“You don't.”

“Ah, okay.”

James stared at her openly. She was smiling. Again.

“What?” Lily asked. She looked perturbed to see him staring at her. But then again, she always did.

“Well—it's that…why do you keep on doing that?” James asked, sounding much more demanding than what he wanted.

“Doing what?” Lily asked slowly.

James looked at her for a moment, and felt himself blush. “Er—never mind.”

“All right.” Lily said, although she still looked rather suspicious. “Oh, and James, I almost forgot…”

“Hm?” James asked, taking another bite out of his pastry that he had kept in his pocket.

“Here's your piece of parchment.”

James gagged and choked on his food, stopping in his tracks and gasping for air once swallowing properly. “What?” he
croaked. He put his hands onto his throat, feeling like it was on fire.

Lily raised an eyebrow at him. She was holding the Marauder's Map, which was blissfully blank. “I said,” she replied.
“Here's your parchment.”

James took it immediately and stuffed it in his pocket. “Thanks.” He said hurriedly, opening the door to the greenhouse.
Lily didn't pass through.

“It fell out of your book—”

“That's okay—”

“I wasn't looking through your things or anything—”

“Of course not, why would I—”

“I just forgot to put it back—”

“That's fine, Lily.” James said, ruffling his hair. Lily didn't glare at him, but she wasn't looking at him anyway.
Instead, she stepped into the greenhouse and sat on one of the benches, not saying another word. He would've bothered
her until she told him what she was up to, but James was far too worried about her finding out about the Marauder's Map
to risk it. Lily, unlike James, was responsible and took her Head job seriously and would give it straight to
McGonagall, being sure to tell her whose it was also.

“Do you have it?”

James turned around and saw Sirius, Remus, and Peter enter the greenhouse and wearing identical frowns. Remus had his
hand outstretched.

“Yeah,” James said quietly, glancing at Lily, who thankfully, wasn't looking over at them. He handed Remus the Map who
immediately put it in his bag. Sirius glowered at him as they took a seat on the benches.

“That was a close shave, Prongs,” he said. “Next time just don't piss of Evans, okay?”

James didn't even seem to register what he said. He was still looking at Lily, who seemed to know that he was doing so
since she had her back turned to him. Lannie had just passed him and winked, taking a seat next to Lily once again.

“Oi, Prongs!” Sirius shouted, hitting James over on the head. Even though he sounded annoyed, he was grinning. “Do you
mind taking your googley eyes off of Evans for one second so you can hear what I'm saying?”

That caught James's attention to finally sit down. Thanks to Sirius, he had spoken loudly so that everyone in the
greenhouse had heard him, but to James's absolute happiness in his classmates' laughing wake, he wasn't the only one who
was blushing.

***

Lily had left the greenhouse hurriedly as soon as the bell had rung, Lannie at her heels. While Lannie started talking
about how Remus looked rather nice today, Lily was thinking of malicious ways to knock Sirius Black and James
unconscious. She knew that they were just being the usual jerks, yet she was still blushing and it had been quite a
while since her classmates had stopped laughing. It unnerved her.

“I always thought he looked nice in navy…probably his best color, I think—um, Lily? You okay?” Lannie had just stopped
talking about Remus, either because Remus himself was just passing by or because Lily was still looking distressed, she
wasn't sure. James was passing by too, and had just brushed his shoulder against her, and even though he had apologized,
Lily was pretty sure that it wasn't an accident.

“Yeah, I'm fine.” Lily said, although she did feel rather odd being asked if she was all right. She supposed she just
wasn't used to it, since she had been alone for most of her life anyway. Lannie was giving her a questioning look,
however, which compelled Lily to change the subject and ask, “So. You really like Remus don't you?”

This time it was Lannie's turn to blush. It was strange seeing her blush, since Lily seemed to always think she was an
outgoing, fearless person. Lily raised her eyebrow as Lannie mumbled something that sounded like an affirmative answer.

“Hm, okay.” Lily said. She couldn't help but smirk a little, which made Lannie scowl.

“Well, I'm sure you know how it is.” Lannie said, exhaling loudly.

“Know what, exactly?”

Lannie furrowed her eyebrows. “You know…liking someone who doesn't like you.”

“You mean unrequited love?” Lily asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Whatever.” Lannie huffed. Her bangs flew above her eyes as she glanced at Lily with a disbelieving look. “Are you
saying you don't know?”

“Well, yeah.” Lily said, as Lannie snorted loudly. Lily blushed. “No, seriously, I haven't ever liked someone. Not like
you with Remus, anyway.”

Lannie looked at her as if she had just sprouted two heads. “You never have,” she repeated flatly. She was smirking.
“Alright then.”

“You don't believe me?” Lily asked, noticing that Lannie wasn't going back to the castle but was walking towards the
lake. She sat cross-legged under a tree and pushed her bangs aside, raising her eyebrows at Lily.

“Well, I guess I do.” Lannie said, once studying Lily's face for a moment. “I just find it strange.”

“It's not.” Lily said, sitting down also. “I'm kind of glad I haven't, actually.”

Lannie leaned against the bark of the tree and looked up at her. “Oh?”

Lily had to be quiet for a moment; she wanted to restrain herself from saying “Well, I wouldn't want to be suffering
like you are because of Remus,” but instead merely said, “Yes.”

Lannie looked like she was contemplating something. Lily knew before she opened her mouth that she was going to talk
about a certain someone. “You never, ever felt anything for James?”

“Besides disgust and revulsion—no.”

“Really?” Lannie asked, as if she didn't quite believe her. She clucked her tongue and said, “Well, it's a pity then. He
likes you so much.”

Lily couldn't help but blush as she said that. “Well…that's not my fault.” Lily said, finishing that last bit lamely.

Lannie raised an eyebrow. “Of course it is.”

“Excuse me?” Lily asked incredulously.

“You heard me.” Lannie said, shrugging. “I'm just saying…if you really wanted James to stop liking you, you would've
changed somehow.”

“And why would I do that?” Lily asked, frowning. “I'm not the arrogant prat.”

“Because even though you don't really believe it, I know James likes you a lot.” Lannie explained. “After all these
years, do you really think he's going to stop? I mean, think about it.”

No, Lily thought, he probably wasn't…not until they left Hogwarts anyway. But what could Lily do about it? She certainly
wasn't going to change—that would be completely unfair to her. “Well, I don't care.” Lily snapped. “If James likes me,
that's his problem.”

Lannie was looking at Lily oddly. Finally, she said, “Lily, are you sure?”

Lily raised her eyebrows at her. “What do you mean am I sure? Of course I am.”

Lannie merely sighed, pushing her bangs aside as she looked at the lake, a far away look in her eyes. “I wouldn't want
Remus to say that about me.” She said simply, but she said it in such a way that Lily knew that this time she was
blushing of embarrassment.

***

James was very happy at the moment. He had just come up with a plan.

“Sirius, look at this,” he said, dragging Sirius's arm so that it was thrown next to him with his body too. Sirius gave
his friend an inquiring look, scratching his head as James merely pointed at a sign that had been posted that day in the
common room. His expressions changed quickly as he read the sign, first to confusion, then to incredulity, then to
utmost revulsion and dread.

“Well?” James asked eagerly.

“Prongs, mate—I respect you.” Sirius said, finally turning to him but with a sour expression. “You're my friend, and I'm
your friend. So please tell me that you're not going to do this.”

“Hu? No, no, Sirius, you got it all wrong! Trust me, this is going to work.” James said jovially while thumping him on
the back with a gigantic grin. “Seriously…have I ever been wrong?”

Sirius opened his mouth with the intention of fully saying and emphasizing, “Yes,” but James shushed him and started to
mutter to himself. “Yes…all I have to do is…yes, that would work…”

“James—”

“It wouldn't be too hard…Flitwick probably wouldn't notice a thing…”

“Maybe you should—”

“Ill! I could say that I was ill and that's why I couldn't keep up with everyone else…”

“Yeah, ill of the head,” Sirius muttered. “Prongs! Can you please listen for just one second? This isn't going to work!”

James had stopped rambling and was looking at Sirius as if he had just punched him. His face was crestfallen. “Why not?”

“Because it never does?”

“But I should at least try…”

“No.” Sirius said firmly. “You shouldn't. Your grades are fine, but by the way things are going now, I think that you're
extremely stupid.”

James didn't seem to have heard him, but was now walking to the portrait hole. “Yeah. Okay, Sirius.” He said, and then
he left.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

6. You and Me

A/N: Hey, everyone! Well, here is chapter six, I hope you all like it. It's sort of short, but there's really nothing
more to say. Kind of straight forward, I suppose. Anyway, enjoy!

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
And I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

- You and Me, Lifehouse

Strangely enough, Lily had found out that Lannie and she were now friends. A notice for a Hogsmeade trip had been posted
in the common room in mid-October, and Lannie had gone to find Lily in the Great Hall when she was having breakfast,
ranting on about how she could help her find dress robes for the Graduation Ball and that they should stop at Three
Broomsticks for a butterbeer or two.

“Whoa, whoa, wait.” Lily had said, frowning slightly as if Lannie was making fun of her. “You want me to go to Hogsmeade
with you?”

Lannie stopped talking for a moment and gave Lily a confused look, as if she couldn't quite understand her. “Of course,”
she said finally, in a tone that made Lily blush with embarrassment. “Don't you want to?” And once Lily had mumbled an
affirmative answer, she continued with her ecstatic plans, not even noticing that Lily was finding it very strange to go
to Hogsmeade with someone else, when normally she went alone or didn't go at all.

“—and then I really need to buy a new quill, can you believe I haven't got a single one? Must've lost them…”

“Should be fun,” Lily muttered, although she was thinking in her head that it would be far from it. But still, it was
better than going with James, who had predictably asked her the day before. He was actually being quite strange,
stranger than usual. Even though he was in the N.E.W.T. level class for Charms, his grade was dropping drastically,
according to Professor Flitwick who had been saying that for the past few weeks. Lily found this very odd, because even
though she detested James Potter, she did admit grudgingly at times that he was smart. But now…well, he was acting
out-of-the-ordinary. Professor Flitwick had even told him in front of the whole class that if he didn't start to pick up
his act, he'd be forced to drop the class.

Lannie seemed to notice that Lily wasn't paying much attention to the conversation and was pondering on something else.
She gave her a questioning look then said, “Are you all right?”

“Yes,” Lily said distractedly, just as James himself entered the Great Hall and waved to her before sitting down with
Sirius. “Just thinking…”

Lannie grinned. “Okay.”

And soon, the weekend arrived quicker than Lily could imagine, and for once she had something to do on Saturday. She had
gone downstairs to find Lannie already dressed in a blue cashmere sweater, a brown jacket and scarf, and gray slacks
that covered slightly her blue shoes. Her gloves were sticking out of her pocket, and she raised her eyebrow upon seeing
Lily.

“Is that what you're going to wear?”

Lily looked uncertainly at herself; she was wearing a gray skirt and white stockings, with black shoes. Her shirt was
white and she was wearing a black jacket, and she didn't think that anything was wrong with her appearance. Lannie,
however, begged to differ.

“Here,” she said, grabbing her arm and dragging her to the girls' staircase again. “I'll let you borrow some things.”

She didn't make Lily change her attire, although she did say something like, “We don't have to wear our uniforms on
weekends, Lily.” She dug into her trunk and threw Lily a multi-color and changing scarf and a dark green cap. After
shushing Heather for snorting in the back, she gave Lily a critical look and smiled. “Okay. Now, you're okay.”

In Lily's opinion, she looked fine before, although all she did was scowl. After all, she actually had a good friend
now, and didn't want to scare her away. They walked out of the dormitory and headed down to the entrance hall, Lannie
said that there was a nice breakfast place they could eat at in Hogsmeade. Lily agreed, after all, James Potter was
having breakfast in the Great Hall in the moment and she didn't want him to know that she was going to Hogsmeade. Filch
let them pass after verifying that they had signatures, and they set out in the autumn air and down onto the winding
path that led to the gates. It was slightly chilly and brisk, but in a nice way. Lily admired the trees for a while,
whose leaves were crimson and the color of tangerines.

They ate some delicious pancakes in a small pub that Lily had never heard of, and then looked around for Lannie's `dream
dress robes'. There were more students on the streets now, also looking at the shops and carrying a few bags of
products. Lily and Lannie walked aimlessly around, talking about a few things such as Remus and wondering if he'd wear
that navy blue sweater of his and if her friends Samantha Welling and Terry Jordon were really going out as the rumors
said. It was only after Lily was sure that they were having a wonderful, pleasant time together that they bumped into
James Potter and his friends.

“Hello, Lily. Looking lovely today.” He said, with a cocky grin.

“What are you ladies doing?” Sirius asked, eyeing Lily's scarf that had just turned from green to yellow with amusement.

“Shopping.” Lannie said simply, shaking her bag full of Honeydukes sweets. She looked at Remus, blushing a bit although
it wasn't really noticeable since her cheeks were already flushed from the wind. Lily caught her eye and they both
grinned upon seeing that Remus really was wearing Lannie's favorite sweater.

“What did you buy, Lil?” James asked, still grinning in a dumb sort of way. Lily wondered vaguely if the reason that
James's grades were slipping in Charms was because he was getting stupider.

“Nothing,” Lily said slowly. James's grin faltered slightly as he gave her a penetrating stare. Lily lowered her eyes to
the floor, although she wasn't certain why.

“Well, Flitwick is in Three Broomsticks, Lily.” Remus said, making Lily look up curiously. “He's been looking for you
for some reason.”

“Oh? Um…okay.”

“All right, see you all later then.” Lannie said, grinning at Remus, who smiled back. They took off with James yelling
goodbye cheerfully behind them, saying something about how Lily should hurry and see what Flitwick wanted. Lily gave him
a hard look before turning the corner to High Street.

“He's weird.” Lily said, shaking her head confusedly.

“He's lovely.” Lannie sighed, looking dreamy. They walked into Three Broomsticks and found Professor Flitwick about to
walk out, although he stopped and greeted them jovially.

“Why Ms. Evans! And Ms. Williamson.” He said, nodding to both of them. “I take it Mr. Lupin found you then?”

“Yes, he did. You needed to see me…?”

“As a matter of fact, I did. Hm, why don't we sit down?” He gestured to the nearest empty table and they followed him as
he climbed onto his seat. Lily and Lannie exchanged looks, and then turned to look at Flitwick, who was looking rather
worried.

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. “What is it, sir?”

“Ah, it's not very good, Ms. Evans.” Flitwick said. Upon seeing the alarmed looks on their faces, he said quickly, “Oh
no, no, don't worry, it has nothing to do with those attacks by You-Know-Who that have been happening. This is less
grave, but still unfortunate—you see, Mr. Potter is failing my class.”

Lily, who didn't find this appalling or unfortunate, but yes, weird, said, “Failing? Really?”

“Yes.” Flitwick said, frowning slightly. “And even though he is not the only one, he is certainly doing the worst.”

“I could help tutor,” Lannie said, shrugging. “I'm already tutoring a few younger kids in Arthimacy.”

“That would be great, Ms. Williamson.” Professor Flitwick said, smiling slightly. “But really, the reason I wanted to
talk to Ms. Evans here is if to see if she could tutor as well.”

“Oh, of course—”

“Wonderful, Mr. Potter would be delighted.”

“—not!!”

Lannie and Flitwick both looked at Lily, who was looking horrified. “Professor,” she said quickly. “You know that James
and I don't get along.”

“Well, of course, I know the way you two—ahem—feel about one another.” Professor Flitwick said delicately, moving his
hands nervously in his lap. “But Ms. Evans, the way Mr. Potter is doing poorly—I know that you would be a good tutor to
him, since you are the best in my class.” He smiled warmly at her, but Lily had turned slightly green with her eyes
widened.

“Uh, er, sir, the thing is—” Professor Flitwick looked expectantly at her, and for some reason Lily found herself
saying, “—uh…all right. I'll do it.”

Professor Flitwick clapped his hands enthusiastically as he hopped off his chair. “Excellent, Ms. Evans. I cannot thank
you enough…usually my students pass my class in rather well form but—” He paused, smiling at her. “I'm glad that you're
helping generously.”

Lily merely nodded and watched as he left Three Broomsticks, looking relieved. Lannie was giving Lily a strange
expression, saying, “You gave in awfully fast.”

“Yes, I did, didn't I?” Lily asked, confused. She could not understand why either, but the prospect of tutoring James
didn't sound so terrifying now that the alarm and horror had receded. She sighed and got up from her chair, Lannie
following her out into the autumn breeze.

***

James had retired to the common room already, leaving his friends behind in Hogsmeade. He wanted to be alone, just to
think for a while. He wondered if everything he was doing was worth it. His heart's desire was to make Lily fall for
him, just as he had fallen for her. Things were not going too well.

Why did she hate him? He had gotten better, hadn't he? When James was alone, as he was now, with no one to bother him
and to give him revolting looks, he did admit that he was a jerk before. He was immature, a complete fool, but didn't
Lily know that was because he wanted her attention? Was she really that daft to see that every time he bullied a first
year around, or made Snape do ridiculous things without any control to stop, she was there? Sure, it was not the best
way to get her attention, but it was certainly an effort….

Speaking of her….

“Oh, it's you.” Lily said. She had just climbed into the common room with Lannie, who giggled and mumbled something
about forgetting her book upstairs. She left almost immediately, winking at James before closing the door. As they heard
her light footstep bouncing up the staircase, James stared. He couldn't help it; Lily's cheeks were flushed from the
cold outside, and her eyes seemed to gleam in their emerald beauty. She took off her hat so that her auburn hair came
spilling down in a messy yet attractive state, and threw it aside. She strode over to him. James couldn't believe his
eyes. Why was she coming to talk to him? Was she really coming on her own free will?

“You look beautiful.” James said automatically, blushing. Lily raised her eyebrow and for a moment he thought that she
was about to smile, but it must've been his imagination. She cleared her throat.

“James, I know what you've done.” Her voice was cold and breezy, like autumn itself. “Flitwick came to talk to me.”

“Well, you're a smart girl.” James said with a half-smile. “I knew you would.”

Lily widened her eyes at this; James supposed that she was thinking that he was trying to do this discreetly. She caught
on quickly, however. “Oh?” she said as she put her hands on her hips. “Well, all right, Potter. You can play dumb for as
long as you like, but I just want you to know that I'm not tutoring you.”

James felt his stomach drop. “You refused Flitwick?”

“Oh, no. I told him I would. That doesn't mean I will, though.” Lily said, smirking. She raised her eyebrow, surveying
him. “You didn't think that I'd actually do it, did you?”

Somewhat. “No, I guess I didn't.” James said, sighing heavily. Lily looked confused.

“So…now what?”

“Well,” James said, feigning a look of innocence. “I'm afraid you don't have a choice, Evans. You're Head Girl, and I
know you're responsible. But Flitwick won't really see that if I tell him that you're not really tutoring me, will he?”

“James, why are you doing this?” Lily hissed, narrowing her eyes. “I know you're good at Charms. About a month ago you
were gloating about that `Outstanding' you had.”

“Things change.” James said simply.

“And you certainly don't.” Lily shot back. James frowned.

“You must be joking.” James said slowly, furrowing his eyebrows at her. “You've got to be.”

Lily laughed loudly at this. “James Potter, what have you ever changed about yourself? I thought you thought yourself
flawless, hm?”

“I never said that.”

“Actions can prove more than words, I'm afraid.”

James jumped over the couch at this, rounding on her. “You've got some nerve, you know.” He said. Lily widened her eyes
at this, and finally seemed to be intimidated. It looked like she had just noticed just how much taller he was than her
and bigger.

“Well, y-you haven't.” Lily said, stuttering slightly and blushing for it.

“Do you see me bully first years anymore? Or jinx Snape?” James snapped. When he saw that she was about to open her
mouth, he added, “Without being provoked.”

“Oh, so that justifies it, does it?” Lily said, standing up straighter and looking braver.

“Well, do you want me to just bow down my head and take it?”

Lily obviously didn't have anything to say to this. She merely opened her mouth and closed it, looking rather like a
goldfish. An attractive goldfish.

“Lily,” James said softly, stepping closer. He could smell her rosy perfume that lingered on her cheeks and neck; his
heart beat faster. “Why do you hate me?”

“I don't.” Lily stammered, widening her eyes as he stepped even closer. James held gently onto her waist and inhaled her
smell deeply.

“Yes, you do. I can tell by every time you look at me.”

“I have to go.” Lily said weakly, but didn't move. James smiled as he leaned in to her face, his lips hovering over her
own. Suddenly a horrid thought had occurred to him. What if she doesn't want this? Will she jinx me into oblivion later
as a punishment?

James looked into her blazing eyes, which even though they were green, seemed to be on fire. I don't care, James thought
fervently, and in one, short time-stopping, heart beating moment, he bent down to kiss her.

She turned away and he brushed her cheek instead. “I h-have to go.” She repeated, and with that, she turned on her heel
and left him there, speechless and frozen.

***

I am going crazy, Lily thought as she treaded up the stairs to her dormitory. James Potter just tried to kiss me. And I
almost let him too.

“What did he say?” Lannie said excitedly as she opened the door. Once seeing her face and expression, her grin quickly
faded. “Oh. He was being a jerk again, right?”

No. Not at all. “Yes.” Lily said, although her voice sounded distant and strange. “I suppose he was.”

Lannie hopped her bed and walked over to her, stopping in front of Lily and inspecting her face. “You okay?” she said,
obviously thinking that she as sick or something once feeling her head for a fever. “You don't look too good.”

“Nothing that sleep won't cure,” Lily said, giving a weak smile. Lannie didn't say anything as she closed the curtain
and hid herself from sight.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

7. Sweetest Goodbye

A/N: Okay, just so you know, the next chapter is probably going to be the last one of Bitter About You. I've never
finished a story before…so I want to make it really good. It'll probably take a while, like two weeks or so. Maybe less,
I'm not sure. Anyway…lots of fluff in this chapter! I hope you all like it. Why are the lyrics and first paragraph in
bold? I'm not sure but I'll try to fix it later. :-)

Chapter Seven:

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you come back,
I have some things to say

-Sweetest Goodbye, Maroon 5

James's head was still spinning when the weekend was over and he was finally able to see her again in class. She kept
her head down and didn't look at him, although he had a feeling that she knew that he was staring. He supposed that he
didn't mind that much, except—well, yes, he did.

Almost, he thought dizzily. He had almost kissed her. He could hardly believe that he was that close to doing it—and he
blew it. Well, after all that thinking and pondering, that was the only explanation. Why else would she be ignoring him
completely instead of glaring at him with disgust, and why else would she have ran up the stairs as if he was something
horrible that she wanted to get away from as soon as possible?

Sirius looked over at him and raised an eyebrow, and James quickly shook his head and looked down at his paper.
Charms…he was good at it, except he had failed everything purposefully so that he'd be able to spent time with Lily. How
stupid was he? She just ended up hating him even more. Sirius was right…he was a stupid, lovesick arse….

“Where the hell were you?” Sirius asked once they walked out of the classroom. “You looked dazed…more so than usual.”

“I bet it has to do with Lily,” Peter said smugly. Lily didn't turn around but walked more quickly so that she'd put
some distance between herself and James. James sighed, ruffling his hair. He didn't say anything.

Remus surveyed him for a moment. “What did you do?”

James looked at him, and then looked down, shaking his head in a crestfallen sort of way. He felt his stomach drop as
Lily glanced in his direction. Stupid, stupid, stupid….

That day after dinner was supposed to be his first tutoring session in the common room. Lily wasn't there.

***

“Lily…you seem bothered.” Lannie said as they sat down in the library, reviewing their notes for an exam they would be
having in Potions. Lily furrowed her eyebrows as she read her text, not really comprehending what everything meant. In
Potions—or Potter—or anything really.

“It's that…something happened last weekend that I didn't tell you about.” Lily said hesitantly. She didn't want Lannie
to be mad at her, since now they were friends and all they probably should tell each other things. Lannie, however,
merely closed her book and looked curious, raising her eyebrows to urge Lily to continue.

“Pardon?” Lannie asked when Lily mumbled her answer.

Lily blushed and cleared her throat. “Er…Potter—I mean…James—tried to kiss me.”

“And did he succeed?” Lannie asked, raising an eyebrow. Lily blushed even more.

“N-no.” Lily stammered. “Honestly, Lannie—did you really think I'd let him?” She drew herself up to her full sitting
height, looking defiant. Lannie merely exhaled slowly.

“Honestly? Hm. I don't really know.”

Lily gave Lannie a hard look, but wasn't sure if she was being sarcastic or not. Lily sighed and let her forehead drop
onto her open book, feeling her heartbeat quicken suddenly for no reason. Or maybe there was a reason but Lily wasn't
exactly sure why.

“Are you confused?” Lily heard Lannie ask casually, as if it were a simple question about the weather she was implying.

“Yes.” Lily said desperately, turning to look at her again. “I just don't know…why.”

For a moment it looked like Lannie was about to smile, but she didn't. She swept her bangs to the side and said
nonchalantly, “I think you have some things to sort out, Lily.”

Basically, she was saying, You are messed up and you need to figure out why.

“Lannie,” Lily whispered, not because they were in the library because nobody ever whispered just because they were in
the library, but because they didn't want anybody to hear what they were about to say. “I think…I mean—” She trailed
off, looking confused.

“What?” Lannie asked, not lowering her voice but sounding rather impatient.

“I think I almost let him.” Lily said, shuddering as if horrified with what she had just said. “I almost let him kiss
me.”

This seemed to get Lannie's attention. She sat up straighter then leaned forward, not able to hide her grin. “Really?”
she asked eagerly.

“Yes!” Lily moaned. “I'm so disgusted with myself.”

“Why? He's a really nice guy, Lily.”

“He is not.” Lily said hotly. “He's conceited, big-headed, a huge snob…”

“You do notice that those all mean the same thing,” Lannie said with a hint of humor in her voice. “C'mon Lily…why don't
you give him a chance?”

“Because!” Lily snapped. “Lannie—you wouldn't understand.”

“Obviously.” Lannie snorted. “Fine…whatever. Do what you want Lily—but I'm telling you that you are very mistaken to
think that James is something as terrible as you think he is.”

Lily scoffed, digging her nose into her book again. Lannie observed her for a moment, and then sighed, shaking her head
and giving into studying also.

***

“Whoa. Wait…you did what?”

Sirius was staring at him with his mouth open, Peter gasped and nearly fell off his chair, and even Remus was looking a
bit out of his usual calm self. James groaned, digging his face into his hands as he heard Sirius distinguishingly
murmur, “That's it, he's lost it.”

“No wonder she looks like she wants to kill someone.” Peter said. James looked up and saw that he was right; Lily was in
a corner hissing something at Lannie while she gestured angrily with her hands. James dug his fingernails in his scalp
as he ruffled his hair rather forcefully.

“Careful, you'll tear your hair out.” Remus said, who was finally starting to look all right again and was restoring
sanity to the group. “Now…James. What did you do?”

“I don't know.” James moaned. “But she ran away so I must've done something terrible.”

“Did you stick your tongue out?” Sirius said, grimacing. Then, with a knowledgeable air that they all knew had come from
lots of experience, he said, “Sticking your tongue out before you kiss a girl will never end in a good way.”

“So true,” Peter said, shuddering as if he was recalling a bad experience.

“I wonder why she ran for it, though?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. “I mean…James isn't that bad looking, is he?”

“Padfoot,” James said heavily. “Shut up.”

“Or maybe…she didn't want to kiss you, no matter what.” The other three boys looked at Remus with raised eyebrows.

“Who wouldn't want to kiss James?” Sirius asked incredulously.

“Yeah, who wouldn't?” James said defensively.

“Only if he really, really screwed up.” Peter added.

“Exactly. Thank you, Pete.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Well, if you didn't stick your tongue out as Sirius kindly reminded us not to do, then you
didn't do anything wrong, did you? So Lily probably just didn't want to kiss you.”

“Did you stick your tongue out?”

“No, Wormtail.” James said exasperatedly. Suddenly he looked horrified. “Or wait…what if I did?”

“That would certainly scare her away.” Sirius said, nodding understandably.

“But I don't think I did…I wouldn't do it, would I?”

“How would I know? I've never kissed you.”

“Thank Merlin for that.” Remus said, whistling softly. Both boys slapping him on the head quickly followed it. “Ow.”

“All right, so it's settled.” Sirius said. “Lily ran off because Prongs stuck his tongue out.”

“Yeah, just don't do it next time.” Peter said, chuckling.

“Right. Okay.” James said, picking up his quill to continue his essay now that he as somewhat reassured. “Wait. I hope
there is a next time. And when that time comes, I will not stick my tongue out.”

“You're all hopeless.” Remus sighed.

***

Lannie—are you seeing that?

- Lily

Seeing what, exactly?

- Lannie

Come on. The staring, the laughing, the…you really don't see anything?

James has always stared at you, and has always laughed Lily. I think…now don't take this the wrong way or anything, I
could, possibly, be wrong…but I think you're overreacting.

Ha-ha. But he looks so happy. I thought he'd be more upset because of…well…you know.

Maybe he doesn't see it as a defeat, but another step forward.

Forward to what?

To achieving his goal, which is you, I suppose.

I'm his goal? That's disturbing.

Ha-ha, I know, right? And you have to tutor him…that is so brilliant.

Actually, I don't. Well, I'm supposed to, but I haven't.

Is the Head Girl disobeying a Professor? I hope you get a detention…then you'd be deemed to be like the rest of the
population.

Well, James wasn't really doing bad in Charms! He was faking it, can you believe it?

Actually, I can. It's stupid, slightly sweet, and reckless…like James Potter himself.

Yes, he is stupid, and reckless…but he's not sweet. Not even slightly.

Yeah, yeah, okay. I think he is.

Well…you're…you. I'm me. And I don't think he's sweet.

I understand. But don't you see it?

…?

This is the classic love/hate relationship! You hate him, but you will love him because it's your fate. Romantic, isn't
it? It almost makes me want to hate Remus so that we'd be meant to be…

I don't hate James.

Well, you pretend you do. But if you say so…then it's the classic love/dislike relationship.

That has no logic. If that were really the case it would also be my fate to marry Severus Snape. And we would have a
jolly good time with me having his equally nasty kids and being his `mudblood' wife.

But Snape doesn't love you like James does!

Oh, please. James does not love me. He just thinks he does because it entertains him to chase me around.

I'm so tired of arguing with you about this. I can't even bring myself to retort on a piece of parchment. Oh, and if you
and Snape ever do get married, I hope your kids get his filthy hair.

That's not very nice, Lannie.

***

Lily was supposed to be tutoring him that night, but James had a pretty good inkling that he would have to study alone.
Instead he followed her out of the Great Hall from a distance after dinner to see where she was going. She was going to
the library (is that where she spends all her time?) and was with Lannie, who was laughing about something. To make sure
that he didn't look suspicious just in case Lily spotted him following her, he had brought Remus along.

“Why did I agree to this?” he asked as him and James entered the library. Madam Pince was nearby and was throwing them
suspicious looks; apparently them being in the library at night instead of doing something more fun and rule-breaking
was very out-of-the-ordinary. “And now the librarian looks like she wants to kill us.”

“She looks that way at everyone.” James said breezily, grabbing Remus's arm and throwing them both behind a bookshelf
where James could easily stare at Lily unnoticed. “All right, so this is what I want you to do—”

“Do I want to know?”

“Shut up. Now, go over there to Lannie.”

Remus raised his eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because she loves you and you will easily distract her. She won't even notice that it's slightly suspicious for me to
go around you guys and corner Lily.”

“She doesn't love me.” Remus said, shaking his head embarrassingly. “And if that is love I'm very afraid of knowing what
it is you feel for Lily.”

“It is also love. Just more feverish.”

Remus coughed something that sounded oddly like “Obsessed.” James glared then continued, “Okay. So you…go talk to
Lannie. You will do it, won't you?”

“Yes, although it is against my better judgment—”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” James said, waving his hand to shush him. “Okay, let's go.”

Remus went on ahead and waved to Lannie, who immediately blushed and waved back. He sat down with a surprisingly
convincing, “Hey, I didn't even see you there!” (The bugger was a good liar after all), and James edged around them
towards the shelf that Lily had disappeared to. She was at the end, standing on her tiptoes so she could reach a book on
one of the higher shelves. James, seeing this as a good time to show himself, stood over her and easily grabbed the
desired book, handing it to an alarmed Lily and grinning for a charming effect. Lily merely frowned and didn't say
anything, squirming away from him and moving back to her table. James stood in front of her, barring her way.

“Get out of my way, James.” Lily said, glaring at him.

“Can't I just talk to you?” James asked hopefully. “I don't want you to hate me.”

Lily opened her mouth, and then closed it, contemplating something. “I don't hate you.” She said finally. Somehow every
conversation they had revolved about her hating him.

James raised his eyebrows. “That's news to me.”

“Very funny.” Lily said, rolling her eyes. “Now can you please let me through?”

“No.” James said. He exhaled slowly. “Listen…I know that I was being stupid about the whole `failing Charms to get your
attention' thing. I'm sorry.”

Lily looked suspicious. “Are you really?”

“Yes.” James said earnestly.

“Good. I don't want you ruining your chance for a career because of some stupid crush.”

“But you're not a stupid crush,” James said seriously. “You know that.”

Lily sighed. “Okay, James, whatever. Can I go now?”

James stared at her. His heartbeat was accelerating in an alarming rate, just like that day in the common room. He
suddenly wanted to kiss her again, but he had to check if his tongue was poking out first. Seeing that it wasn't, James
stepped closer, and Lily, widening her eyes, stepped back into the bookshelf. He bent his head again, not daring to
close his eyes just in case she moved again…

Which of course, she did. He ended up brushing his lips against her cheek again, and felt suddenly bewildered.

“James…stop doing that.” Lily said, but she said it softly and in a weak way. Was she breathing quickly or was that just
part of his fruitful imagination? In the back of his mind he heard a distant chuckle come from Lannie while Remus said
something. James swallowed as she looked up at him. They were still very close. “I don't want to.”

“Why not?” James said, his voice hoarse.

Lily blushed. “I don't know! I just don't.”

James raised his eyebrow. “Have you ever kissed before?”

She suddenly looked furious. “That has nothing to do with it.”

“So it's me, then.”

“Well…yes, it is.”

He stared at her, and she looked down, embarrassed. He could see her cheeks flushing and she stood there, holding her
hands together and waiting for him to leave. James would've preferred if she just pushed him like normally.

Suddenly the feeling was overwhelming. His adrenaline was pumping and he didn't care anymore—and he no longer thought
that he should just stand there and let her torture him the way she did. James tilted her chin up, looked in her eyes
with a determined air, then touched her lips with his, holding her neck and giving her all that he had and all he could
give her in one kiss.

She didn't pull back. In fact, she didn't even really move. Then, as if all the godly beings in the world had heard his
praise and were finally listening to what he wanted and what he needed, James suddenly felt Lily's soft hands on his
shoulders as she kissed him back, moving her lips slowly and lovingly.

This cannot be happening…is this actually happening? But somehow…it was.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

8. We'll Never Know

A/N: Well…here we are. The last chapter of Bitter About You, which is by far the longest chapter of this whole story.
How sad! First I'd like to thank absolutely everyone who has read this story and supported it, especially the readers
who have been with me since the beginning. I can't thank you enough, and I'll miss this story and you guys!

Just so you know, this is the first story that I have ever finished, so I really want your input! Be mean if you must,
just be honest so that the next story I write I'll be able to improve the ending.

Thanks again, guys. Enjoy!

- Katie

Tell me all the dreams that you have let slip right through your hands
Do you feel lost inside of someone else's life

And we're not gonna live forever
Can you tell me is it now or never
I'm not gonna make up your mind
I don't wanna live without you and I don't wanna live a lie
We'll never know till we try
Yeah we'll never know till we try

Failure is the only way to learn till you've come undone
The rest we'll never find out what they might have been

-We'll Never Know, Lifehouse

Lily's mind had been blank for a while, but suddenly a strange, ringing noise went off in her head, telling her, no
screaming at her, what are you doing? What the hell are you doing, Lily?

She pushed James away, who stumbled slightly back into the bookshelf on the other side, where he staggered as he tried
to hold himself upright. He blinked, his lips looking soft and swollen (had she done that?), and they stared at one
another for a while. Lily was glad, because now she could gather her thoughts and figure out what to do next—whoa! Where
those his lips again?

So then she was kissing him again, and Lily's reasonable and practical part of her mind was completely gone and running
because she didn't care anymore. She never thought she'd say it, but kissing James Potter was so—so—good and she didn't
want to stop anytime soon.

She couldn't stop herself from thinking though. And her thoughts—after some serious rational `get-your-act-together'
time—were rather strange. Why did she like doing this? It was James. James Potter. She hated him. He wasn't a nice
person and he was only stumbling after Lily because he couldn't have her!

Okay…well… Lily closed her eyes. Now that he's had me, he'll let me be…and that's why I should keep on kissing him…

They stayed like that for a while. His lovely hands were on her hips as he came even closer to her, both of them only
stopping for air and then going back under again. She never would believe it if someone told her that she would be
kissing someone like this, never would think that she'd dare to part her lips slightly as he started to use his warm,
soft tongue, and she never, ever thought that she'd let James steadily raise her skirt so he could rest his tingling
fingertips there.

Who cared if it was James Potter? He was a damn good kisser and she wasn't going to end this any time soon.

But just when it got more passionate and he was kissing her rougher, pressing her back harder against the books which
were falling out from their shelves—they heard a voice which made them quickly jump apart and put some safe distance
between each other.

Lannie and Remus were both standing between the two shelves where they had been concealed for the most part, and which
now they were thrown to sharp relief as their friends came closer. They were both wearing the same, identical expression
of complete disbelief and wonderment as Remus raised his eyebrows and Lannie gaped at them.

Lily suddenly forgot just how wonderful of a kisser James was and put even more distance between him and her. She hid
her face behind her hand and blushed so terribly that she was sure that her head looked like one huge, bulbous tomato.

She didn't look at James, and neither did she want to. She was afraid she'd slap him for doing this to her—yes, it was
completely, completely his own fault! If he hadn't insisted, hadn't closed in on her, this never would've happened—

“Um, Lily…you ready to go?” Lannie said finally. She was trying to restore some sanity by acting casual and nonchalant,
as if she hadn't just seen her friend's lips being smothered by James's.

“Yes!” Lily squeaked, and she ran quickly out of there, practically knocking the wind out of Remus as she sped past him
and grabbed her bag in record timing. She and Lannie were out the door before James could even react, which he didn't.
He didn't even go after her, which she thought he would but was glad that he didn't. She needed time to just…think.

Lannie didn't ask anything, which she was grateful for as they climbed up to the Gryffindor Tower. In fact, she didn't
say anything at all until they reached the safe comfort of their gracefully empty dormitory. She was glad Heather and
her cronies weren't around.

Lannie was raising her eyebrow at Lily, who couldn't meet her eyes. “Okay, what happened?”

Lily looked at her blankly, opening and closing her mouth as she lost what she was about to say. “Uh…well…”

“Okay, I'll answer for you.” Lannie said, going over to the vanity and grabbing the circular mirror, which she thrust
into Lily's hands. “Look at yourself.”

Lily did, and was horrified; her auburn hair had come out of her ponytail and looked an absolute terror; her lips were
swollen and tender looking; her robes all wrinkled and her skirt higher than usual. Lily put a hand to her mouth. “Oh,
dear…”

Lannie plopped down on her bed, leaning against the banister. “Were you thoroughly snogged or what?”

“The first one,” Lily said weakly, still staring at her reflection that looked so unlike herself.

Lannie grinned. “So…you finally did it.”

“I didn't!” Lily said defiantly. “It was all him! He was the one who came onto me and—”

“Lily, honey,” she said. She was smirking. “I saw you two, and believe me—it was not all James.”

Lily still couldn't believe it. “I—I don't…understand?”

“It's simple.” Lannie said, still smiling widely. “You…like James. He…likes you. And today…you kissed!”

She looked absolutely ecstatic. “Somehow I think you're more excited about this than I am.” Lily said dully, sinking
back into her pillows.

“Well, why aren't you?”

Lily glared at her. “Because I didn't want this to happen! I just wanted him to leave me alone, so I could graduate in
peace and I wouldn't have to worry about having my own stalker…”

“James isn't a stalker!” Lannie said defensively. “He's a guy who is in love with you even though you keep shunning him
away!”

Lily sat straight up, her eyes flashing. “You know what, Lannie? Just leave me alone.”

Lannie raised an eyebrow at her. “Fine. You don't have to use that tone, though.” She hopped off of her bed and Lily
quickly closed the curtains with a wave of her wand. “You'll figure out sooner or later, Lily.”

“There's nothing to figure out!” Lily said as she heard the dormitory door click. She didn't care how immature or
childish she was acting, but she didn't want to talk to Lannie at the moment. Sure, she was her friend, actually, the
only one she had, but she was tired of listening to how excited she was about what would happen with her and James. She
just wanted to sit there quietly, by herself, and just…be alone. To keep a clear head and think rationally and
logically, the way she was programmed to. Lily sank deeper into her pillows and closed her eyes, pretending that she was
very far away, from Lannie, from James, from everything.

***

After some time in the library that James stood there, gaping, at what had just happened, the librarian finally kicked
him and Remus out and they retreated to their dormitory, where Sirius was helping Peter with some charms they had to
study for. Remus quickly filled them in, however, which left Sirius to whoop loudly and Peter to drop his jaw in
amazement.

“Finally!” Sirius said loudly, thumping his hand onto the bed and laughing. “Mate, I can't believe you did it!”

“Congratulations,” Peter said, grinning as he motioned for them to sit on the bed they were gathered. James sat down but
didn't say anything, his eyes unfocused as he stared straight ahead.

“Um—Sirius—” Remus started, but he was quickly interrupted.

“So? How was it?” His eyes were shining in mischief and he was smirking as he waited for an answer, which he undoubtedly
hoped that would have very much detail.

“Sirius, I really think—”

“Cool it, Moony. We all want to hear how it happened and how was it, am I right?” Peter nodded frantically and they both
stared at James, who had still not said anything. “Uh…Prongs? You there?” He reached out and shook James a bit, who
jerked out of his trance and blinked.

“What?” James asked, ruffling his hair.

“How was it?” Sirius asked. He was looking a bit irritated that he still wasn't being filled in on all the details.

James stared at him blankly. “She…ran away.”

Sirius looked perplexed. “Okay…what happened before?”

“Was there tongue?” Peter asked eagerly.

“She did kiss you back, right?” Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows. “I mean…she didn't just stand there like some dead
zombie, did she? James?”

“Hm? Oh…um, no. She kissed me back.”

Sirius grinned. “So? What's the problem?”

“She ran away.” James replied flatly.

“I know, Prongs.” Sirius said, rolling his eyes at James's slowness. “But what's—”

“He just said it, Padfoot.” Remus snapped.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, completely nonplussed. “Well, James, what did you expect? I mean, she's never warmed up to
you.”

James had obviously had enough. He stood up, wrenched the dorm door open, and walked out without another word.

***

Lily had never felt so hopeless in her life. The next day she was able to avoid people for the most part; she woke up
earlier than everyone else and ate breakfast alone, and since there wasn't much time to talk during classes, she sped
out of all of them, ignoring conversation.

It wasn't supposed to be so hard. It was just a kiss for Merlin's sake, it wasn't as if they were now going steady or
James had somehow tricked her into going on a date with him. In fact, the whole situation wasn't even entirely James's
fault like she had told Lannie, because the truth was, Lily had kissed him back, no matter how hard she tried to forget
about it.

What had happened? Lily thought she hated him, or at least disliked him very much. He was the complete opposite of her!
He was rich, snobbish, selfish, unkind, and utterly unbearable. He was outrageous, he was loud, and he always spoke his
mind to the point that it was just plain obnoxious. He always got his way, and when there was that small unlikely
possibility that whatever he had planned wasn't going to happen, he chased after it until it did. This was what he was
trying to do! He was trying to make her like him, and when Lily finally did, he would dump her like some piece of
garbage!

So, so obvious, Lily thought. Well, I'm certainly not falling for that.

The problem was, something had changed after that kiss he had given her. Lily kept trying to tell herself that it wasn't
that good, that he was a horrible kisser who slobbered all over her and was much too harsh for her taste, but the truth
was he wasn't. He was gentle, sweet, and he wasn't messy and demanding. He held her, and somehow, she felt that she
could just melt in the way he touched her, the way he kissed her, so that she would become nothing more than a helpless
puddle on the floor.

But this wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to feel this way. She tried to forget everything, tried to
pretend that it wasn't a big deal, that he had kissed her but it didn't mean she was attached or anything, but she
couldn't. She simply couldn't.

Oh no, Lily thought, slapping her hand over her horrified expression. I like James Potter.

He was looking at her in every class they had together. She had even skipped lunch so she wouldn't have to deal with
him. Instead she decided to go outside, she didn't cared how cold it was, but she just wanted to be alone with her
thoughts. Was it so much to ask?

Lannie, however, had different plans. She tried following Lily out of the Great Hall, but Lily had managed to hide
herself in a crowd of sixth years who had just entered. She left quickly, not looking back.

Lily, you are so messed up.

She left her bag in the bushes and clutched her cloak closer to her body so that she wouldn't mind the cold as much,
which was biting at face and other parts of her body that were exposed. Her teeth chattered as she pulled some gloves
out of her pocket to warm her already dry hands.

Lily didn't like November. She didn't like winter. In fact, she didn't like anything at the moment, especially herself.

Again, you are so, so messed up, Lily. What kind of crazy people talk to their selves in third person, anyway? Stupid,
stupid Lily.

She had always imagined that when she finally did like a boy, it would be a nice, warm feeling. Instead she felt cold
and bitter, feelings that had nothing to do with the harsh wind that was blowing on her face.

***

James sat down and set his forehead on the wooden table. He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly, ignoring Sirius who was
telling him about his recently acquired date, which had turned out well, apparently. As usual, he was not embarrassed to
fill his friends in all the juicy details, which were earning him death glares from a group of girls nearby.

“Can you believe it? Only one date and she was already letting me touch her—”

James's stomach felt very hollow, although he didn't think it was because of hunger. “Sirius,” he heard Remus say. “Shut
up.”

“Thank you,” James said heavily.

“What? Look, Prongs, I know that you're upset and everything, but you shouldn't just sulk around.” Sirius said as James
sat up and glared at him. “Here…live a little. Have some potatoes.”

“I don't want potatoes.”

“Sure you do.” Sirius said easily, sliding the bowl of roasted potatoes towards him and dumping some on his plate.
“Potatoes are good for the soul.”

“Who cares? I'll never have Lily, so my life might as well be over.”

Peter shook his head. “You shouldn't say something like that. Sirius is right; have some potatoes.”

“Food isn't the solution to everything.” Remus sighed.

“That's what you think.” Sirius said. “Anyway…James, why are you so worried? I mean, you're telling me she kissed you
back, which means that you're probably good at whatever you were doing.”

“It doesn't matter if I'm good at it or not.” James said dully, sticking his fork in a potato and staring at it
mournfully. “She ran away, didn't she? Didn't even say goodbye…she didn't even look at me.”

Remus clucked his tongue sympathetically. “I just…expected that when I finally did kiss her…she would like it too, you
know? It'd be special—for both of us.” James sighed, ruffling his hair.

“Prongs, why do you even like her anyway?” Sirius asked. His eyebrows were raised high into his hair as he tried to
comprehend whatever James was about to tell him. But he never would, James knew that.

He had asked the same question in the beginning of the year, and many times before that. James never knew how to answer
him; Lily was simply everything he dreamed his girl to be, heck, his wife even, and that was why it was so hard to let
her go. Technically, however, he wasn't really letting her go, since he never had her to begin with.

Sirius was now waving his fork and potatoes around, looking confused and incredulous as he emphasized his point. “I
mean—you two are nothing alike.”

James opened his mouth, ready to respond, although this time he stopped and listened to what Sirius had just said,
processing it. He closed his mouth, furrowing his eyebrows and staring at his plate with his untouched potatoes, and
frowned. Then he looked up, touching his stomach as he felt that hollow feeling again.

“Don't you get it?” James asked, as he too finally unraveled this. Sirius looked at him in what was clearly, `no.'
“That's just it.”

Sirius continued to look confuse. “What? I said you two are—”

“—Nothing alike. Exactly.” James said, standing up. “I'll catch you guys later, okay?”

“All right,” Sirius said in a `what-can-you-do?' sort of tone. Remus and Peter nodded, and then he left. He bumped into
Lannie in the entrance hall.

“Oh, hey.” James said, already moving so that he could get out of her way and be alone again.

“Wait.” Lannie said, and he turned around, raising an eyebrow. “Do you have a plan, Potter?”

James immediately knew what she was talking about. He sighed loudly, ruffling his hair. “Lannie, forget it, okay?”

Lannie scowled, putting her hands on her hips. “No, I won't. And neither will you or Lily. You need a plan, James.”

James gave her an exasperated look. “What plan? There's no plan that can change things, Lannie. She doesn't like me, end
of story. I should've accepted that years ago.” Even though those words weren't what he was planning to say, it was what
came out of his mouth. Realizing this made his heart turn and squelch unpleasantly in his chest.

Lannie let out a frustrated growl, stomping her foot on the ground. “Potter, how daft are you?”

James was feeling rather annoyed. Sure, Lannie was nice and everything, but he didn't need her, and she didn't need to
get so involved. He merely waved her off then went up the stairs again, ignoring Lannie's huffs as she stormed back into
the Hall.

Sure, James had a plan, even though he would never confide Lannie with it or even Sirius. He was going to forget Lily
Evans, or at least try to. Eventually, his system would get used to the lack of her, and he'd be able to live peacefully
again. Besides, he would only have to do this for a few more months, since Graduation wasn't very far off.

Yes, that was exactly what he would do. No worries. None at all.

Yeah, right, James thought. He'd have to at least try, though.

It wouldn't be easy. He'd have to get rid of everything that reminded him of her. Those lilies the house-elves put in
the dorm? Yep, they're gone. I'll chuck them out every day so I won't have to look at them and think of Lily. Oh, and no
more eating strawberries, because Lily loves strawberries. Let's see…I have to get rid of that perfume I nicked from her
in fifth year…well, I'll ask Remus to do it for me. I'll have to throw out that picture on my nightstand. And let's
see…yep, never, ever again will I be able to look at her from that spot I found out. I can never again look at her in
the tower when she's brushing her hair and putting those lovely bobby pins in…wait, doesn't Sirius have bobby pins? Yep,
I'll have to get rid of those too. Hm, he won't be too happy about that.

The mere thought of that girl made his stomach do massive flips. He didn't even want to imagine how it would be to see
Lily once he put his newfound plan into action. Sure, throwing out perfume and lilies wasn't that hard, but James knew
it would be a lot more difficult to go through with his plan every time he'd see her. Hm, maybe I can take classes with
the Ravenclaws, instead…

He knew that he was talking crazy. Actually, now that he thought about it, Lily was the one who should try to change!
She was the one who had to switch classes, even House, because who was torturing who? That's right…Lily, that's who.

He looked around and saw that he was only a staircase and a tapestry away from the Fat Lady corridor. Suddenly, he
didn't want people to be talking to him or even hearing people talk at all, so instead, he slid down on the window ledge
and looked out onto the grounds. The moon was already coming out, the sun almost set. Lily was probably in her
dormitory, avoiding everyone as usual…how typical of her. She was always shunning people away, one of the reasons he
could never approximate himself to her…

It was no use, all his feelings for Lily were being torn apart, and the truth was, his good feelings were taking over
his anger and bitterness very quickly. His frown was already smoothing into a smile as he closed his eyes and thought of
how they had kissed, how he had been so careful not to rush things, to not be harsh, as if she were some sort of
porcelain that he was afraid he'd let fall and break. Her skin was like porcelain…white and smooth, and James longed to
touch it again, even though in the very back of his mind his conscious was screaming, Warning! Warning, you are getting
to breaking point! WARNING!

Lily was probably getting out of the shower and brushing her hair, her bobby pins already in between her lips….

He quickly dropped to his feet and rushed in the way he had come from. He didn't care…he just wanted to see her one more
time that special way no one had ever seen her…and then, finally…he'd be done.

***

It was already dark and Lily was still outside. She leaned against the willow tree by the lake, clutching her cloak
tighter to her neck and covering her mouth, which was ice cold. She stared out onto the lake, which was already starting
to freeze, although not completely, and felt her heart beat dully in her chest, as if she weren't really functioning but
was just watching her body from far away, working its way by itself, without her soul.

It was a crescent moon that was out tonight. Lily looked at her gloved hands, which were illuminated by its light. She
sighed and stared at them for a while, only breaking out of her trance as from the corner of her eye she saw someone
leaving the castle and quickly crossing the lawn.

Even if the moon wasn't out she'd be able to recognize James's messy hair, and that glint from his glasses. She watched
him, her heart beating no longer dully but back into action as she felt her stomach do strange somersaults. Suddenly,
without thinking, Lily stood up and followed him as he made a turn around the castle and disappeared out of sight, not
even noticing her.

What are you doing? Lily no longer cared. She wasn't letting her head decide, at least not for this one moment, as her
feet carried her across the grass chipped with frost and she was momentarily thrown into darkness; the clouds were
covering the moon.

She felt something very light on her head, and she looked up to discover that it was snowing. The first snow of the
season, she thought, and she was so enraptured by it she nearly forget what she was doing, and why she was about to turn
the corner of the stone castle. Lily took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. She could see the warm air float in front
of her.

When she turned the corner she saw that James was standing up, pointing to the windows up overhead and counting under
his breath. Snow was covering his hair but he either didn't notice or didn't care, because he was apparently
concentrating very hard on whatever he was doing. Finally, he seemed to be able to find the window he was looking for,
and in doing so he sat down with his legs tucked underneath him, staring up and stretching out his neck as far as
possible, apparently transfixed.

Lily raised an eyebrow, half-hidden in the shadow. She looked up also, not understanding what they were looking at. It
took her a while to recognize the flowery curtains that she had put there her first year.

She slapped a hand over her mouth, silencing her gasp. That was her room.

Lily stared at James just as hard as he was staring at her window, frowning as if waiting for something. What's he
doing…?

He stayed there for nearly ten minutes, sitting and leaning against his elbows. He didn't seem to mind much, he was
acting as if he did this often, and he only checked his watch once. Once he saw how long he had been waiting there,
however, he furrowed his eyebrows and stared at for a while, the snow covering his hair so that it looked like he had
many white strands in that tangled mess of jet black. He stood up, ruffling his hair and shaking the snow slightly off
of him. He was frowning and was looking at the ground.

That's when the moon appeared from the clouds.

And that's when he saw her, backed up against the wall.

***

When James finally checked his watch, which he had been trying to avoid but did anyway, he saw that he had been waiting
for Lily to show up for at least ten minutes. He took this as some kind of sign that it wasn't meant to be, that he was
to start his plan that very night so that he would get used to trying not to like Lily. It would take a while, so he
figured that he should probably get started with it as soon as possible.

That's when he noticed that it had been snowing, and that it was a crescent moon that night. The light illuminated his
face and the snow was even brighter than before, especially against his black cloak. He stared at the ground for a
while, and then finally looked up to see that he wasn't alone.

Lily was standing in the shadowy corner that was no longer dark, and she was pressed up against the wall as she covered
her mouth in horror.

He tried not to look at her, tried to remind himself that he wasn't supposed to be looking at her especially that way;
he was supposed to just walk away and pretend that he hadn't seen her so that he could finally, finally, try to forget
about her. To let her go, even though she was never his anyway.

He couldn't. They stared at one another for a while, his hazel eyes locked on her emerald ones, which were shining in
the moonlight. She looked so beautiful with her rosy cheeks that were probably effects from the cold, with her red hair
glittering with snow. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, and he could see the warm air heating up his glasses as he
breathed rapidly and raggedly.

He walked towards her, but she met him halfway. When they were about two feet apart, she lowered her hands from her face
and he could see her lovely, pink lips again, lips he loved kissing in that library. She was looking at him with an
expression he couldn't quite read, and wasn't sure if he wanted to.

“What are you doing out here?” he finally asked.

She was already tensing up, already going to defense mode. She frowned slightly and said, “I could ask the same of you.”

Another silence. James stared at his shoes so that he wasn't overtaken by the strong urge to kiss her again. Don't do
that, she'll just run away like last time.

“James…” she said slowly, and he wasn't sure if she was softening her tone to be nice or out of pity. “Were you looking
at my—room?”

James swallowed the lump in his throat and took the chance of looking at her. She had her arms crossed across her chest,
which meant she was getting off her guard quite yet. “Yeah,” James said quietly. “I was.”

“Why?”

She was looking at him, furrowing her eyebrows in both confusion and speculation, as if she couldn't understand. James
felt his insides shiver as he looked at her face. He chuckled feebly. “Well…you know.”

You should leave now, James thought. Just leave, before she tells you that she'll never have anything to do with you and
you get trampled again.

Lily was already backing away, her eyes lowered as she gave him the space that she obviously thought he ought to have.
James stared at her, his heart pounding so furiously and hurting so much that he thought he'd have a heart attack or
something of that sort.

No, said another voice in his head. Don't let her go…She needs to know…you need to tell her one last time before you
give it all up.

“Lily,” James said hoarsely. She looked up and he saw that she had her lips tightly sealed, her shoulders arched back.
He gulped, plucking up the courage before he ended all those feelings that were squatting in his chest, suffocating him
and hardly allowing him to breathe, let alone talk. “I just want you to know that…I've been watching you for a long
time. I know you might think it's…well—strange—but, the thing is…”

He stopped, not quite sure what to say. Lily, thankfully, hadn't run away yet. Her expression hadn't changed, but she
was looking at the ground again. She didn't say anything.

This made it easier for him. “The thing is…sometimes, I think I might even love you. This isn't some stupid crush, like
you think. Lily, I—” he stopped, opening his mouth then closing it, then opening it again. “What I feel for you…isn't
stupid. Or childish.”

There was a silence that filled all of the grounds; even the owls or other animals didn't seem to want to break it. He
could feel the cold tense his muscles, his face, his insides, although he wasn't sure if it was because of the snow that
was still falling gently on them. He waited for what felt like a lifetime, waiting for some sort of answer, assurance,
rejection even, anything….

“James,” she said softly. “You don't even know me.”

“But I do!” James said immediately, which made her quirk her eyebrow and look at him as if she highly doubted it. “I—I
know that your favorite food is strawberries. I know that your favorite color is green, your favorite flower lilies…”

Lily's eyes looked unusually bright. She smiled slightly, but it was a sad sort of smile, a smile that made his heart
almost break. “Those are just my favorites, James, you don't really know who I am—”

“You're kind! You're generous, you're—” James blabbered, and he could feel such cold sweat on his face, which was
unusually hot. “—smart, proper, you're—the most amazing person I've ever met.”

Lily had silent tears rolling down her cheeks. “James—that's who everyone thinks I am.” She paused, catching her breath
as she wiped her face with her hands. “But it's not who I—am.”

James wasn't going to let her run away; he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him as she tried to walk away.
“Lily, you can be cynical. You can be—extremely hateful, I don't know why.” Lily turned her head and looked down at her
shoes, but James wasn't going to stop. “But you know what your biggest problem is, Lily? You're afraid of letting people
get close to you.”

Lily looked up, her eyes red but flashing with anger. “How dare you—”

“Tell me it isn't true, then.” James said, grabbing her shoulders and making her face him. “Tell me it isn't true…just
like tell me that you don't have feelings for me.”

Lily opened her mouth, and then closed it. Her entire face was red from the cold and from her anger, while James's heart
leapt to his throat as he watched her and waited for an answer.

“What do you want from me?” Lily asked. She looked so helpless there with James holding her shoulders and tilting her
chin so that she'd look at him.

“You.” James said softly, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “Just you.”

He saw her swallow, her eyes still watery and red from her crying. Her lips were still there, hovering near his but he
had to resist, because it just would make things harder if she rejected him again…

Finally, she stepped closer and wrapped his body with her own, closing that space between their lips and eliminating the
cold from their bodies, taking that huge step for both of them. James opened his eyes in surprise, but quickly melted
into it, pulling her closer as she kissed him in a way that made him want to stay with her—forever, maybe—so that he'd
never have to think badly again.

The moon disappeared behind the clouds again, but that was okay. It came out again, and Lily and James were still
underneath it, embracing each other tightly and making up for all that lost time.

***

“Lily? Lily? Wake up.”

Lily opened her eyes and focused them on Lannie's face, which was hovering above hers as she grinned widely. Lily
groaned and closed her eyes again, tossing to the side, which didn't make a difference since Lannie started to shake her
violently.

“Lily,” she repeated, this time more insistent. “C'mon…your parents are probably here already.”

“I'm tired.” Lily moaned, tugging at her sheets and pulling them over her head. “I'll be up…in an hour or two. It's
still early.”

“It's nearly noon!” Lannie said.

“Oh.” Lily said, clutching to her sheets as Lannie took a hold of them and tried to peel them off of her. “Lannie!”

“You'll thank me later. You don't want to look like a zombie for all those pictures.” Lannie said smugly as Lily opened
her eyes and frowned. Lannie grinned. “And this is entirely your fault, because a certain someone only went to sleep at
four o' clock in the morning last night…”

Lily blushed, hiding her face. “It wasn't four. Don't exaggerate.”

“It was four you liar.” Lannie said, going over to Lily's trunk and digging for something inside of it. She threw Lily
her dressrobes then went over to the vanity to check how she looked. She was already wearing her silver dressrobes and
had her hair pinned up in a French twist, and she looked lovely. “I swear, I don't know if James is doing more bad to
you than good…If I told you a few months ago that you'd be sneaking off at night to go on moonlit strolls with Potter…”

“I wouldn't have believed it.” Lily said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “The James part or the sneaking off part.”
Lannie turned around, sweeping her bangs out of her face and smiling.

“None of us would have.”

“Right.” Lily said, hopping off her bed and heading to the bathroom. The dormitory was empty except for them, which
meant Heather and the rest of the girls had already gotten ready and left for the ceremony. Lily yelped as her emerald
green dressrobes were thrown on her head and Lannie laughed loudly.

“C'mon, let's go.” She said, as Lily closed the door and turned on the shower.

*

“You look beautiful.” Lannie said as they were finally ready, with five minutes to spare. Lily looked at herself in the
mirror and smiled; the week before Lannie and her had gone shopping for them and Lannie had immediately suggested that
one, since it matched her eyes. Lily grabbed her purse and they rushed out of their dorm, running down the stairs and
laughing as they nearly tripped on their gowns.

“Do you think James will get mad?” Lily gasped as the rushed down the Fat Lady corridor, waving goodbye to the portrait
that was sobbing loudly. Lannie chuckled.

“James? As in the guy who loves you even if you were dunked in mud?”

Lily smiled. “Yep. That's the one.”

Lannie laughed loudly, pushing her bangs aside as they flopped in front of her as they ran. “Do you think Remus will be
mad?”

“Remus? The guy who loves you even though it's you?”

They both laughed and pushed the tapestry aside, jumping over the trick step and picking up their pace as they started
to hear voices and laughter in the entrance hall.

“Just on time.” Lannie said as they spun to a halt at the top of the marble staircase, clutching stitches at their sides
and wheezing from running and laughter. All the parents were already in the Great Hall, while all the seventh years
lined up near the doors wearing their colorful dressrobes. All of them—except one. “Hm, will you look at that.” Lannie
whispered as James looked up and grinned, waving as he held up a lily with the other hand.

Lily beamed, glancing from James, to Lannie. “See you in a bit, then.”

They rushed down the steps, Lannie immediately finding Remus in one of the lines and standing next to him as they
kissed. Lily smiled and took the flower James was holding, kissing him softly as she stepped on her tiptoes.

“Hey, you.” She said, smiling as they pulled away.

“Hey.” James said, extending his arm, which she immediately took. “You look tired.”

Lily smirked. “That's because someone convinced me to sneak out last night.”

“Oh? And who would that be? Should I go beat him up?”

“Only if you can beat up yourself.”

James chuckled. “So, I'm guessing you're still bitter that I brought you back so late?”

“Four o' clock, according to Lannie.” Lily grinned. “And I'm always bitter about you.”

James brought her closer, kissing her deeply, which left her breathless, as always. When they pulled away it was because
Lannie nudged them from behind, poking them in the ribs, which made them jump. “The line's moving, love birds.” Lannie
said, raising her eyebrows as her and Remus chuckled. Lily blushed and saw that McGonagall was waiting expectantly by
the door, which was already open as she saw most of her classmates entering the Great Hall.

“We're going,” James said as they interlocked arms again. They moved into the Great Hall, stepping into the limelight as
all those faces turned to look at them, to witness the day they'd officially become adults. James gave her a quick peck
on the cheek before going off to his row (the seats were ordered alphabetically), and Lily went to hers. Luckily
Lannie's seat was right behind hers, which meant that she wouldn't be worried too much about being bored.

Dumbledore was soon calling the names and giving them a roll of parchment, which was their diploma. As Lily went up to
get hers, she heard James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, and Lannie cheer the loudest, which made her grin as she went back to
her seat and waved to her parents, who were looking extremely impressed with the Great Hall's ceiling.

Lily was currently looking at her diploma, which had a moving picture of her getting her certificate, and had a little
imprint of her Head Girl badge in the corner. She smiled and looked up as “Potter, James” was called up to the staff
table, where Lannie nudged her in the ribs again and whispered, “There's your man.”

Lily beamed and cheered loudly as James looked over at her and ruffled his hair, grinning widely.

“Yep.” Lily said softly. “There he is.”

***

The End.

Well…that's it! Just so you know, I really enjoyed writing this story. I enjoyed it so much, actually, that I might
write a sequel, although I'm not quite sure yet. I think I'll finish my other two stories first, Living Life and Reason
to Live, which hare both on this site, if any of you are interested. Thanks again for all the support, you guys, and
Happy Holidays! Have a great 2006.

- Katie
