Break Me
by sodasqueak

Rating: R
Ship: Harry & Hermione
Canon: Books 1 - 5
Genre: Angst, Romance
Status: Complete
Length: 2,090 words in 2 chapters
Published: 12 Jul 2005
Last updated: 20 Jul 2005

Hermione gives her virginity to Harry to help him battle his depression after the events of Book 5. No longer a one
shot. Please Review, even just to say my story sucks:)

From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/4642/

------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Break Me

Chapter One: Break Me

(Author's Note: This is a Harry/Hermione Fic based on he song Break Me by Jewel. It was originally intended to be a
one-shot, but the suggestions of all my wonderful readers gave me some great ideas of how I could continue it. I think
you guys already know the drill, but Harry Potter and it's characters do not belong to me. Anyways, please read and
review, and have a great day!)

He kissed her in his darkened room. He kissed her with a passion she had never thought could possibly come from someone
so deprived of love. It sent a shiver up her spine.

She wasn't exactly sure why they were doing this. Why she was letting him do this. How they had even got here. All she
knew was that he needed this. And she was willing to provide.

I will meet you in some place
Where the light lends itself to soft repose

She would have done anything for him. He was her best friend in the world, and she was willing to do anything to make
him feel better when he was hurt, or sad, or weighed down by the burden placed upon him by the Prophecy.

And she was in love with him. She had realized it at the end of Fifth Year, when she had almost lost him forever. She
had really always been in love with him, she reasoned. So if her best friend in the world, who she also happened to be
madly in love with, told her that kissing her would make him feel better, she would bloody well let him have at it!

That was how they had ended up here on this cloudy afternoon, she supposed, in his darkened bedroom that smelled so
distinctly like him that she would have been content to sit here for an hour and soak in his scent.

But when he kissed her, everything changed. She had never been this close to him before; he had never asked her for
something as intimate as a kiss. But from the moment he first kissed her, she began to lose control; the reasonable side
of her brain left and the part of her that was in love with him remained. The part of her that saw him as a highly
attractive male that was kissing her remained. She was completely lost to him, and she realized, with some discomfort,
that she could not refuse him anything he asked.

Which was why she did not object when he moved from simply kissing her to running his hands up and down her body. This
was really the first time she had let someone touch her like this, but with him it felt so natural and so right. The
rational part of her brain, the part that had left and was now screaming at her from a distant corner of the room, was
telling her that this was wrong; she was making out with her best friend, for crying out loud, and they hadn't even
talked about this; and things were moving along at quite a pace.

The warm pressure of his hands running up and down her sides was replaced with the cool sensation of his palms against
her bare skin, as they slid under her shirt and over the soft lace of her bra. Slowly, his hands lifted the material
away from her skin, and a blast of cold air hit her stomach as he lifted the shirt over her head and let it fall to his
bedroom floor. His hands reached for the button of her jeans, but a small part of her normal brain woke up, and she
stayed his hands.

"Harry."

It wasn't a question.

"I love you," he replied.

He was only saying what he thought she wanted to hear, and she knew it. She knew he did love her, but not in the way she
desperately wished that he would. She was willing to give herself up to him, though, for his sanity's sake, at least.
She knew he would never ask her for something like this if he didn't truly need it, especially when it would most likely
be a one time endeavor. And she knew she had an obligation to him, not just as his friend, but as a citizen of the world
at large, to help him on with his mission, which was a struggle for life day by day. And if this was what he needed, she
would give it to him.

Loving him only complicated the matter for her in a way he was unable to see. He couldn't help it; there was no way he
could know.

She sent him a mental signal that she was willing, but that he had to understand her hesitancy, and that she would not
be as perfect as he might envision in his passionate moment. He seemed to understand her fear when she looked in his
eyes; he began to move slower, but somehow got her jeans off her legs in a matter of seconds.

I will let you undress me
But I warn you, I have thorns like any rose

He gently lifted her onto his bed, kissing her heated skin all the while. Despite the gentleness of his touch, she began
to realize how strong he was, how he could break her in an instant. But she felt that his words could ultimately do more
damage than his hands; oh, the myriad of things he could say to her, meant kindly, but that would shatter her heart into
a million pieces.

And you could hurt me with your bare hands
You could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say

But none of that mattered now. She was lost in his sweet kisses and his embrace; that part of her which had silently
pleaded with her to stop from the corner of the room crawled out of the door and left utterly, and that part of her
could have died and she wouldn't have noticed it any more.

But I am lost to you now
There's no amount of reason to save me

He was over her and under her and around her all at once; her remaining clothing and all of his was somehow shed, and
suddenly she was naked and pressed up against him, skin to skin. He looked deep into her eyes, silently asking
permission. She looked at him while a thousand thoughts flashed through her mind: How sexy he had become; How much she
loved him; What a mistake this would probably turn out to be. Slowly she closed her eyes and leaned forward to capture
his lips...

So break me, take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me, take me
Just let me feel your love again

... She felt him pause and opened her eyes to find his green ones staring intently at her. They were so like the ocean;
dark and deep.

Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go and lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

She felt she was drowning; drowning in his kisses, drowning in his eyes, and drowning in him. There was no turning back
now.

So break me, take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me, I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again

* * *

She awoke when he kissed her goodbye.

"Hermione, I have to go, I'm sorry," he whispered while his lips brushed her forehead. She looked up at him and tried to
smile. He kissed her on the cheek and left.

Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice

God, it felt so good to wake up in his bed. She wished he could have stayed. Where did he have to run off to so early?
Especially seeing as they had just made love the night before and all? But he did look better, she conceded to herself.
Much better. Less depressed. Happier. More like his old self. And if he was happy, she was happy. Everything would be
all right...

Break me, take me
Just let me feel your love again
Break me, I'll let you make me
Just let me fill your arms again
Just let me feel your love again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Fade Into You

Chapter 2: Fade Into You

(Author's Note: Well, here it is, the second chapter of my original one-shot. After letting some ideas stew in my brain
for a few weeks, I've come up with this. Sorry it's so short. Please review and let me know what you think. I want to
especially thank everyone that responded to the first chapter and urged me to continue. All constructive criticism and
other comments are welcomed! This second chapter was inspired by the song Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. Please enjoy!)

Fade into you
Strange you never knew

After drifting off into restless sleep once again in Harry's bed, Hermione awoke in the early hours of the morning to
find his body pressed up against hers.

So he came back, she thought triumphantly to herself for a minute; then the realization struck that that meant they
would definitely be talking about this. And where had he gone off to anyway?

Hermione shifted slightly and eased herself off the bed slowly so as not to disturb Harry's sleeping form. She wasn't so
sure she wanted to talk to him just yet. Her current nudity and the steady ache between her legs reminded her of the
previous night's activities; she wrapped herself in a sheet and retrieved her underwear from Harry's floor. As she got
back into bed, she noticed Harry had also put his boxers back on. But he did go somewhere, she reasoned, of course he
got dressed.

Hermione was surprised to find Harry's arms wrapping around her even as he slept. Was it possible he felt something for
her after all?

Even as Hermione settled down and listened to Harry's steady breathing, he shifted and his beautiful emerald eyes
fluttered open. Hermione smiled at him, but he only returned it with a concerned look.

"Here."

He reached over the side of the bed and brought up a tray with some food and a bouquet of flowers.

"I'm sorry I left. I went to get you breakfast."

"Thank you."

He watched her intently as she took a tentative bite of toast.

"Oh Harry, this is so awkward."

She put the toast down.

"Hermione... I'm sorry," he mumbled, fiddling with a loose string in his bedspread.

"For what?"

She shifted the tray so she could roll over in the bed and look at him.

"Well... I just feel bad... like I've used you. I mean, I knew when I asked you to - well, you know - I knew you
wouldn't say no. So I guess I feel like I've taken advantage. I mean, I know it was your first time..."

She regarded him for a moment.

"Is that the only reason you asked me, and not someone else?"

"Well, no... I meant what I said while we were - well..."

He looked up.

"I do love you, Hermione."

"As a friend," she finished somewhat coolly.

"No. I - I'm in love with you."

Her head snapped up. She had not been expecting that.

"I'm in love with you too,"she said somewhat breathlessly.

"Really?"

"Really. Harry, I had no idea you felt the same... Yes, it hurt, to think you didn't return my feelings, but I would do
anything for you Harry... anything. I had always hoped you would be my first," she ended somewhat shyly.

"I love you," he whispered.

He moved closer to her and kissed her lips, her cheek, her neck...

"Harry," she breathed, "make love to me... please."

He responded by rolling on top of her.

* * *

This time was more intimate than the night before; last night had been about escape, but now was about their expression
of love. To Hermione, certain moments seemed to be almost in slow motion, like when they finally joined as one, but the
rest was a whirl of skin, lips, and soft sighs of pleasure.

Again, Harry left her breathless and trembling against him as he rolled them over into a more comfortable position and
held her close.

"I love you," he said, as he kissed the top of her head. "You are my song, my dream, my happiness, all I could ever
want. I'm sorry you didn't know."

She smiled.

Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew.
