Tourniquet
by PhoenixFirebolt

Rating: PG13
Ship: Draco & Ginny
Canon: Books 1 - 4
Genre: Angst, Drama
Status: Complete
Length: 1,489 words in 1 chapter
Published: 2 Jun 2003
Last updated: 2 Jun 2003

She is depressed and wants to find a way to end all of her pain. No one notices her, no one cares for her, no one loves
her. She tries to end all of the grief, not wanting to live through life anymore. She is bleeding and screaming for
salvation. She prays to be saved by someone. And someone does. *Sequel: "Light and Dark"*

From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/534/

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1. Tourniquet

Summary: She is depressed and wants to find a way to end all of her pain. No one notices her, no one cares for her, no
one loves her. She tries to end all of the grief, not wanting to live through life anymore. She is bleeding and
screaming for salvation. She prays to be saved by someone. And someone does.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters. It is all owned by J.K. Rowling. The song 'Tourniquet' is
owned by Evanescence. I merely borrowing everything so I could write the story.

Comments:This is my second songfic and this one just came to me when I got the Evanescence cd and heard this song. Its a
pretty dark short fic but I tried to convey all I could into it. I hope you enjoy it. I'm in the process of trying to
get the second chapter of 'The Heirs of Hogwarts' done but I just got a couple Betas and they're reviewing it. Please be
patient with me. I'm also thinking of writing a prologue for 'To Where You Are' but I'm not sure yet. Thanks to everyone
who has reviewed me! You guys help me to continue writing.
Love,
~*PhoenixFirebolt*~

Tourniquet

By: PhoenixFirebolt

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more

She sat on the ground in the middle of the forest, little rivers of crimson blood flowing slowly over her arms. The
small pocket knife in her hand was poised over another area of her white skin, ready to slice again, ready to let
another red river stream from her. Salty, wet tears were leaking slowly from her eyes but determination was set on her.
She had set her fate already, she would end it tonight, end the pain, grief, sadness, and depression that had surrounded
her for the past five years. She would end everything that had caused her to become a mere shadow; never noticed, just
there.

I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

Deep in her heart though, she didn’t want it to end, she wanted to be saved, she wanted to live. She was lost though,
lost in this world where she didn’t matter and was merely another person taking up space. She was slowly dying from the
inside as her heart and soul were gradually giving up. She bled from all of the wounds that had been inflicted upon her
over the years and she was crying for the release from the pain as well as to be granted salvation. She couldn’t have
both though and she knew it.

I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved?
am I too lost?

All her life she had been left behind, neglected, shoved out of the way, and ignored. The youngest child and only girl
out of a large family of six brothers. No one cared about her or her feelings. No one cared how much it hurt to go
through each day, knowing you wouldn’t be noticed once more, knowing you weren’t there. The only time in her entire life
that she actually felt she meant something was when she almost died during her first year at school, when she had been
rescued by her then crush and everyone had wept with joy for her safe return. Everyone forgot though and once more she
was pushed back, again part of the shadows, again just another nobody.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

Tears of anger and grief began to fall more rapidly from her red and puffy eyes. The tears splashed on her arms, mixing
with the blood there and stinging the open wounds. She barely felt the pain though, becoming accustomed to the sharp
sting of her flesh breaking open and the blood quickly pouring out. Now she relished the feel of it, the power it gave
her, knowing she could control how much blood she caused to stream from her, the only thing she could control.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

She had tried to stop long ago, thinking maybe there was something in this life to live for. But she couldn’t stop and
she now knew there was nothing to live for. No one would ever love her, no one would ever notice her, no one would ever
care for her, no one would ever see her, no one would ever truly know her. She choked back a sob and pressed her eyes
together tightly, and then slowly pushed the knife further into the skin of her wrist. She was too lost, she was going
to die, she was going to kill herself, she was going to end the pain. Nothing could turn her away from this decision she
had made.

Do you remember me
lost for so long?
Will you be on the other side
or will you forget me?

With a final deep breath, she forcefully swiped the knife across her wrist with all the strength she could muster. She
gave a gasp of pain as her skin opened up and blood gushed from the wound she had just made. It was the deepest and most
forceful cut she had ever made on herself and she smiled grimly in satisfaction. The bright red blood slowly trickled
down her hand and began to make a pool on the ground, growing larger by the second. The deep red contrasted darkly with
the deep green of the leaves surrounding her and she merely stared at the blood like she had never seen it before,
marveling at how well it matched the fiery red of her hair.

I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved?
am I too lost?

Her eyes began to go out of focus and the realization of what she had done began to set in her head. She suddenly found
her mind screaming to be saved. She didn’t want to die, no, she didn’t want it to end yet. ‘Dear God above,’ she thought
desperately, ‘save me, forgive me for this, don’t let me die yet.’ Her body began to shake and she collapsed to the
ground, falling in her own blood. She was dying, she could feel the life slowly leaving her, now spread out on the
forest floor around her. Her body cried to be set free from the pain but her mind wouldn’t stop screaming at her,
telling her to keep fighting. It wouldn’t stop telling her that she needed to live, that she needed to have salvation
from this.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

As she struggled to keep a grip on the little bit of life still in her, she felt it beginning to slip through her hands
faster, like trying to keep water held in your hands. And for the first time in her life, she prayed, prayed to God to
send someone to save her, prayed for that someone to realize how much pain she was in, not just on the outside, but the
inside as well. She prayed to be taken away from this hell she lived in, she prayed to be shown how to live once again,
and she prayed for forgiveness.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

And just when she thought that all hope had faded, that God wouldn’t hear her and that there was no way that anyone
would come had bring her to salvation, a light entered her darkening vision and her bleak and desolate life. She could
hear someone running to where she lay, barely breathing and holding on to her last thread of life. He grabbed her and
pulled her up into his arms, away from death, away from the blood that still lay all around her. “Come on Ginny, don’t
die on me now,” she faintly heard him say. And she clung to his words, hung on to that last shred of life in her and
desperately tried to bring some of his life into her.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

And gradually, life began to beat into her again, the blood streaming from her stopped and begin to flow through her
body once more, her wounds stopped screaming for death, and her mind stopped screaming for salvation because her
salvation was here. She wouldn’t die now because she had found a reason to live again. She had been forgiven by God and
her soul was granted deliverance.

My wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied Christ?

Ginny slowly opened her eyes and looked upon the person who had granted her life once more and was her salvation sent by
God. She looked into the eyes of someone who had noticed her when no one else did, had worked to know and understand her
when no one else had tried to, and who had loved her when no one else did. Draco Malfoy. Her tourniquet.

Tourniquet
My suicide
