I love ...

Author’s Note: Well I got bored. This is an exageration of a very badly written R/Hr fic. Plenty of them on around, plenty of bad everything fic around.

Please don’t be offended. All is in the name of humour. This may not be in everyone’s taste. Flame me all you want, you’ll just make me feel all warm inside. Hope you have some laughs.

I love…

Hmm I am SO madly deeply in love with Hermione. All her annoyances, all her bookish virtues just turn me on!

All of our disagreements must be sexual tension. I personally think its foreplay. Rrrowrrrrrrrr………

I am so deeply in love with Hermione because she…she uh…

Because we fight all the time like married old couples so I MUST be in love with her….

I knew that we really cared about each other, which are why we argued and bickered and fought about Scabbers, the rat that I didn’t care before, but then I actually did care enough to not listen to Hermione. It must be sexual tension. All the times that Draco insulted Harry, I mean Hermione I have stood up for him, uh, I mean her. It's because I love her and not because of friendship. Its sexual tension…..

And my red hair MUST turn her on, cause I’m dead sexy……

Also the fact that in GoF she told me to stop being jealous and get over it must mean that she loves me, because I’m deeeaaaadddd seeexxxy.

I knew she was a girl, I mean I loved her since the Yule Dance. I mean it really didn’t matter who she was going with, she was just a bookworm. But when she walked in with my idol Krum and she was all gorgeous (maybe not ugly anymore) I just fell in love with her perfect teeth, her gorgeous looks. I fell in love with her right there right then. Everything that we do, all our disagreements; it's all sexual tension.

When I finally had enough courage to ask her to be my girlfriend…

“Ron have you done your essay for Transfiguration yet?”

“No, I’ll do it later! I have to play chess with everyone in the Gryffindors now to show that I stand out from my brothers so that I won’t be jealous of everyone…”

“But Ron! Its due next period!”

“So? You can write it for me then!” Ron said approaching Hermione.

“I WILL not! That’s your job it’s your marks!” Hermione yelled back at Ron only inches from his face.

“Who are you, my mother?” Ron taunted.

“What did you call me?” Hermione replied, she could feel Ron’s breath on her face.

“Mommy” Ron kept on.

They then proceeded on snogging each other senselessly over and over again because its what they do. Harry came in, left a card of congratulations saying their wedding rings are already engraved since 2nd year.

From that day on:

-Every day consisted of a fight about nothing.

-A big blowout, tons of tension…

-A big snogfest where they snog each other hard anywhere…on the lake, in the lake, under the lake, in the forbidden forest, with or without Voldemort watching, with Harry in mortal peril or without Harry in mortal peril….anytime anywhere….

And the Cycle continued…

Then does that mean that I love Draco? I have fights with him every time he comes near, that’s even more sexual tension than Herm and me. I must be even more in love with him! It must be because he hates me that I love him! It’s a love/hate thing! Yes…

Its official, because I fight with Draco everytime…I must love him.

I’m going to go pick a fight with him, then kiss him and we’ll live happily ever after.

A/N: Once again, don’t be offended by this amazingly OC and exagerated fic.

Max LoneWolf