Depression

padfoot_puppyeyes

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 08/12/2003
Last Updated: 17/05/2004
Status: completed

After 2 years or more of asking Lily Evans out, and being rejected each time, James Potter gives up. but when he does, and falls in a depression, who will pull him out? Has Lily changed her mind? how far into the darkness will he fall, and will he want to be caught?-for now, it's first point of view, but for many different people. also, I really don't believe in love at first sight, so it's going to be a rocky beggining. Fluff/dark. please read and review, it's my first fanfic. corrective critisisum and support are very much apperciated! also, i've love your opinion, humor, angst, or romance?

Chapters

1. Padfoot

2. Hour One

3. Hour Two;The Annoying Voice Inside My Head

4. The Mouse, the Owl, and Lily

5. Author

6. The Outcome, the Lesson and the Logest ChapterI Have Ever Wr

7. The Date and the Stag

8. The loss

9. Nightmares and Lily

10. Things done for friendship

11. Old Self (a very long chapter)

12. One Moment at a Time

13. I Lost

14. To Become of Age and Letters.

1. Padfoot

Padfoot's P.O.V.

A.N. Please have patience with me. It's my first fanfic, and I'm working on publishing my own book. And this is just a prologue, my chapters will be much longer and much more interesting, but you have to read the prologue to understand the story. Please r/r, even if you don't like it. I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong or right. Oh yea, and me no own Harry potter. That's all J.K.'s brilliant mind!*

“ There she is, Jamsie!” Sirius Black howled with glee to his best friend, James Potter. The scowl on James's face at his childhood nickname quickly turned into a smile as he watched Lily Evans enter the Great Hall, red hair pulled back away from her face and out of her startlingly green eyes. Those eyes quickly sent James an icy glare, sending the other Marauders, including Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black into fits of laughter, along with the rest of the hall. She walked confidently towards James, her stride only increasing when she reached him, and passed him without a second glance. James, ever patient and persistent, only followed Lily to the Gryffindor table and sank next to her on the bench. He had the same confident smirk in place, and everyone knew what he was about to do.

“ Why does he bother?” Remus muttered to Sirius, shaking his head as they followed James to their house table. “Every time, for the last two bloody years, he's asked her!” He didn't need to say anymore, everyone knew the ending, as many were asking themselves the same question. No one but James really knew why so he spent so much thought or wasted so much time on Lily, not even Lily.

“ Hey, Evans.” James began smoothly, eyes on Lily as she ate.

“ Is something bothering you, Potter?” Lily replied coldly. Her friend, Michelle, took out apiece of parchment labeled `timed James asked Lils out', and started counting up the many tallies after adding another one. She must have been keeping track since their fifth year, and, seeing as there where well over one hundred little marks on the parchment, had been almost exact.

“ There's a Hogsmade visit planned this weekend. First visit of the last year.”

“ I would know, Potter.” Lily smirked. “I am the one who arranged it. And before you can ask, no, I'm not going with you.”

“That was a little cold, don't you agree?” James asked lightly, but the laughter seemed to have left his eyes, and his face had fallen slightly at her reply.

“No.” Came Lily's simple reply. No one really understands what happened next, or what it was that finally pushed James over the edge. But he too had his limits, and he was well past them.

“ You know what, Lily? Fine! I GIVE UP! Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you where hoping for?” James yelled. The great hall went silent, now devoid of laughter, and replaced with fear. Dumbledore shook his head sadly, the light strangely absent from his eyes. Sirius had to agree with the old man, it wasn't like James to quit on anything. Without another word, James left the Great Hall, his portion of breakfast untouched. Grabbing Sirius by the neck of his robes, and ignoring his best friend's protests, he was clearly ignoring the many calls of “Oh, he'll be back, give him a week.” And Peter Pettigrew's “Oh, a week? Two days tops!” But somehow, Sirius knew that James wasn't asking that same question anymore. Knowing he wouldn't be able to properly sleep, study, or (most importantly, in his opinion,) eat until

his best friend and lily Evans where together, Sirius Black swore upon the Marauder's Map that he would do all it took to bring back the peace.

2. Hour One

A.N.-Sorry, few fans of Depression. I don't know when I'll update, I'm really suffering from writer's block on that particular story, and it's getting very frustrating! But I'm still a big Lily and James fan, and I'm really in the Christmas spirit! So happy holidays! P.s.- please review, I know it's a pain, but count it as a Christmas present to your respective marauder, Padfoot. And ProngsGirl, reviewing is hardly an e-mail!

Christmas is a time to put all differences aside, and I had, for the most part. But as festive as I was, when I woke to find my beautiful flaming hair a bright red and green, the Marauders where in for it!

“Potter! Black! What is this?” I shouted, taking no notice of the many people watching their head girl screaming at the top of her lungs, hair dyed green and red. The two Marauders still remaining for the holidays, James Potter and Sirius Black, sat in the corner, one gaping at my hair, the other wearing his stripped pajamas and a smile. James seemed innocent of this prank. Sirius held his trademark smirk in place as he innocently shook his few presents.

“ I have no idea! Prongs, what do you think?” Hearing his friend call him that pointless nickname must've brought James out of his reverie, for now he sat there smiling in malice.

“ It looks good on you, Evans.” James replied to my glare, wearing a smirk almost identical to Black's. I ran my hands through my hair, glaring. James had gotten over his crush on me sometime in the beginning of the year, and now hated me properly. And I was starting to wonder if that was what I really wanted.

“Change it back, Black.” I retorted, angry for falling for yet another prank. I would have to remember to jinx the Girl's Dormitory stairs, if boys could waltz into the dormitory that easily. We were some of the few people left in the Gryffindor common room, as many had gone home for the holidays.

“It's a simple spell, Lily flower, dear, and a gift. It suits you nicely, and I'm not changing it back!”

“ It's only Christmas Eve, don't you dare open those presents!” I screamed, my voice growing horse. I could forgive Severus Snape for the holidays, I could forget any harm done by Remus Lupin, but Potter and Black were really too much. They ignored me and returned to their previous conversation, about some stupid prank they would pull. But as I listened to the details of the prank, it didn't sound as though the Head Boy should even think about this one! It sounded like it was worse than the normal hair dye and levitation. It could harm not only the victim; it could harm the person casting the spell. And if they used their usual victim, I was their target. Idiots.

“Padfoot?” I called out to the dark. We had planned on locking Evans in the secret room behind the tapestry of Davis the Dumbest on the third floor, but Sirius hadn't showed. I almost felt guilty about forcing anyone, even Evans, into a room with Snivellus on Christmas Eve, but it would be my revenge for all the perfectly good pranks she had ruined. Eager to get this prank over with before I felt the guilt, I called out to the darkness again.

“Sirius?” I called uncertainly, as I saw movement in the dark.

“Potter?” Her voice sounded like an angel's in the night, but I quickly shut-up and composed myself. Wanting to find Sirius and make sure he was covered by the invisibility cloak, before the power-hungry Head Girl gave us both a detention, I wandered un-seen into the small room behind the tapestry. Unfortunately, I ran strait into Evans, and just as I heard the heavy wooden door slam shut behind me.

“PADFOOT!” I called out angrily as I ran right into Lily Evans. I could hear my best friend cackling behind the door.

“ `Tis the Season, Prongs!” I heard him call from behind the locked door.

“We're doing you a favor!” More mad cackling issued from behind the door as I pondered what my best friend said.

“WE?” I howled, not understanding who could've helped him pull this off.

“Black owes me a good deal of money for this.” Came Sinvellus's oily and greasy voice, and I felt ready to vomit.

“You enlisted Severus Snape?” I ask in disbelief. Of all the people to help Sirius pull a prank, Snape was the last one I expected.

“It was supposed to be Moony, because it had to be someone who could pin her after her meeting with the younger prefects, but he went home for Christmas, so I had to find someone on short notice!” Sirius retorted as I continued to hit the door with my fists.

“And what exactly is the point behind this prank?” Lily asks, speaking for the first time from the other side of the room.

“Excellent question, Evans. By the time you two are allowed out, go old Prongs will be back to normal, and I can “rest in piece.”” Sirius replied evenly, his laughter finally gone from his voice. “Jamsie, ever since you gave up on Evans at the start of term your grades have dropped, you don't sleep, and you needlessly complain! You don't even put any heart into your pranks anymore. So this way, Evan can fix whatever she's done to you, and you can move on.” Needless to say, I was pissed. I mean, it's wonderful that my best friend cares, but honestly, there's more reasonable ways to work the problems out of my relationship with Lily than this. I glared sullenly at the door, as if by glaring at it the door would open. I heard Sirius give a final “Merry Christmas Prongs!” And walk away, and heard Lily mutter “Lumos.” The room suddenly lit up, and I saw the angry look on her face.

“Hey, this was not my idea, and it certainly isn't my fault!” I declare looking her strait in the eye. Her really determined, really beautiful glass-green eyes. Bloody hell.

“I don't care whose fault it is, get me out!” Lily exclaimed, as angry as I was. Did I ever mention she looks even prettier when she's angry? I smile at her, as innocent as possible for me.

“As much as I would love to share Christmas Eve with you too, I agree completely with you on this one.” I shot back. But it was no good. Until I admitted to her and myself that I still cared for her we were stuck.

A.N.- I'm sorry again, that the chapter's so short, but I'm suffering from writer's block on this particular story. Don't worry, I promise it'll end well; I just have to get it there. Happy Holidays!

3. Hour Two;The Annoying Voice Inside My Head

A.N.- I have a rather long author's note today, because I have someone new to dedicate Depression to. Thank you to that anonymous reviewer, on Christmas Eve, during the last update. I've been pretty busy lately, and was going to give up writing this particular story, but just to know someone else read and enjoyed my story was an inspiration, so the rest of this story, including this chapter, is dedicated to you. And please, ProngsGurl, I mean it. No more using reviews as e-mail. Call me if you have to! Again, all reviews are appreciated!

“Feminist”

“Hypocrite”

“Why, you arrogant little-“

“Oh, your one to talk!”

We'd been immaturely throwing insults back and forth in this manner for the last half-hour. While I could be civil enough during Head-Boy and girl duties I hated Potter, and I was going to take this opportunity to let him know it. Seeing as he seemed to be thinking along the same lines, I was having my own insults thrown back in my face, and was fighting back, waiting to be released from “Black's torture chamber”. Potter had been strangely silent since my last comment, and I was proud to know that at least some of my words had reached his heart, supposing he had one.

Of course he has one! A little voice in my head said, sounding horribly like Black himself.

You wouldn't know it! I replied in my defense. Whether I was imagining Black's voice or not, it wasn't going to win any fight between us, so long as it still sounded like Black, or any of the Marauders for that matter.

Why can't you just give him a chance? The annoying voice asked.

“Because he's an arrogant git!” I said, not realizing I had voiced my opinion aloud until I saw the hurt reaction on James' face.

It could be worse. Black's voice taunted. It could be me!! I couldn't help but smile, and agree. It'd be worse if it were Black.

“So that's all you know about me?” James asked, bringing me out of my reverie. “It's true then, when I do something right, no one remembers, when I do something wrong, Evans never forgets!” even as I tried, I couldn't think of a proper retort for the hurt in his voice. So I just responded with

“Shut it potter!” Ignoring the annoying voice still in my head.

Let me explain the situation. Potter spent the first half hour pounding on the door, yelling for help. After that help didn't come, he slunk down on one side of the room, leaving me for the other. While I was shivering from the cold, I was grateful for the distraction. It was all that kept from falling asleep in this stone room on Christmas Eve. The light from my wand had gone out long ago, probably because I was too tired to do the simplest of charms.

“Cold Evans?” Potter's voice echoed on the stony walls. I was, but as he seemed perfectly comfortable I would freeze before I'd admit it.

“N-Not in the least!” I replied stubbornly, and cursed my chattering teeth. I felt something light but warm drape over my shoulders, and listened to potter apologize his way out of this one.

“I was wearing two cloaks anyways, and I was already warm. Give it back after we get out of here, I might need it again sometime soon.”

Even as I felt gratitude at the warmth, I felt awe at the source, and it wasn't James. I looked down at my lower half and gasped. My eyes had somewhat adjusted to the dark, and I couldn't see anything below my head.

“An invisibility cloak?” I asked, more to myself than him.

“It's not as though now that you know about it you can see us under it!” James said, somewhat bitterly, as I tried to sort out how many questions this answered about the Marauders…and how many it didn't.

“So is that how you know exactly where everyone is in the castle at exactly that same time?” I asked, knowing full well that it wasn't.

“No.” he replied stubbornly. “But it's how I know all about you and your secret, Angel.” That last word said a little more than one would think. James potter knew my secret. I was dead!

“How long have you known?” Great. Sirius, I'm going to kill you, I thought. Here I was, locked in the same, cold room, with the one person I hated in this castle more than Snape, revealing my innermost secrets.

Why am I doing this? I asked myself. A voice inside my head, sounding strangely like Sirius, answered for me.

Because you love her. The annoying voice replied. I had never heard this voice inside my head before now, and if I had to put up with it for the rest of my stay in “Black's torture chamber” I really would lose my mind.

Do not! I retorted. I didn't love Lily Evans!

Do too! It replied, and I smiled.

Fine. I replied. Somehow Sirius always won. Even the bloody voice in my head, sounding like Sirius wins. I thought bitterly.

The voice only replied with I'm not just any voice in your head, Prongs I'm your conscience.

Lily always said I never had a conscience. I replied bitterly.

“Merry Christmas to me.” Lily said, miserably, un-knowingly bringing me out of my thoughts, as only her voice could.

“You wanted to know something about how I know where all of Hogwarts students and staff where.” I asked her, an idea forming in my head. She nodded, agreeing with me, and my spirits lifted slightly.

Maybe I could finally understand how she could sometimes catch us in the act of pulling the perfect prank. If she doesn't catch us, she comes pretty close to it, usually closer than she knows. If my suspicions were correct, she had an amazing gift.

“What do you want to know?” Evans asked, sounding somewhat put-off.

“What are you?” I asked, smiling, I heard her shift un-comfortably next to me, and almost felt guilty.

“I don't see how the topics are related.” She rebuked, not willing to give up her secret easily. I smiled cheekily.

“One secret for another.” I replied stubbornly. Lily must've really wanted to know the truth about how we knew the grounds so well, because she actually answered my original question.

“Even as I think that's overly-accusing, I'll tell you what I am. I am and Angelinos. They used to call us angels, because of how we used our gifts in the dark ages, but now, with Voldemort's in power, I'm not willing to risk my neck to up-hold a title.” I could tell she was doing her best to procrastinate. She must've realized it wasn't working, because she sighed and said, “I can see and move things telepathically. So you can see how useful I could be to Voldemort. Please, it you can help it, don't tell anyone.”

I know this might sound selfish, but I was slightly hurt by her previous comments, about me being stuck on myself and caring for no one else, so I was quick to agree on being trustworthy.

“I'll keep your secret, if you keep mine.” I replied, and she seemed to agree by her silence. I hadn't expected the truth from her, but if she gave it, I had to too.

Prongs, you idiot, no! That'd be betraying your friends for a girl! Sirius's voice echoed in his head.

Lily gave me her secret; I have to give her one of mine! I replied in determination, and then ignoring my newfound sub-conscience, I explained how the Marauder's map worked to Lily. The next half-hour was rather enjoyable, at least, it was to me, and I actually made Lily laugh on several occasions. Once Lily was “sworn to secrecy,” I proudly told her tales of the marauder's, with the caretaker more often than not posing as the bad-guy.

As time passed, and the school started to come out of their beds, the door opened (magically, of course, because if either Lily or I saw Sirius, he was a dead man.) As we walked back to the Gryffindor tower, I remember only a few of the many agreements. Both of us agreed to kill Sirius Black on sight, and to speak not a word of the events of the night. But it was a night I'll never forget, my most memorable Christmas Eve.

“Hey, Prongs, how'd you sleep last night?” Sirius asked snidely, and I only smiled.

“Wouldn't you like to know?”

I never saw dear old Padfoot smile behind me, or heard him mutter,

“Thank god for legilimency.”

4. The Mouse, the Owl, and Lily

A.N.- I thought I should tell you that when I update from now on, it would probably be at least two chapters, because I got a small word processor/laptop for Christmas, and I don't have to give my little brother the computer anymore when I want to type. I know this chappie is rather short, but I needed it to bridge into what I want the future chapters to have in them. Hopefully you've all enjoyed what I've written so far, and thank you to all of my reviewers! Any suggestions? (Or praise?) Please read and review, and let me know what you think of my first fanfic

Bloody potter, I thought to myself. This thought alone was disturbing, because I should've been focusing on my studies. But Potter and I were paired together for transfiguration, which happened to be focusing on turning field mice into owls, their natural enemy, and he was doing really well at it. I hadn't spared Potter a minute's thought at the start of the term, and while my thoughts weren't those of love, I was starting to notice him. Especially right now.

“Ten points to Gryffindor.” Professor McGonagall said lazily, and I noticed she didn't seem surprised to see the once brown field mouse instantly morph into a snowy white owl. I, on the other hand, was shocked at the fact that despite how much I paid attention in class, I still struggled, while Potter easily flew through his classes, particularly this one, and I doubted he had visited the library for anything not prank related in the last few years. Watching as he messed up his already messy dark hair, (this time, I noticed that it seemed to be more out of habit than to impress me) I pondered my next question.

“Potter.” I asked, hesitantly. While he had earned my respect that since Christmas Eve, I wasn't looking forward to admitting I needed his help with anything, much less something study related. He always seemed to think of me as smart, and even though I'd never admit it, I really took his complements to heart.

“Yes?” James replied, just as he tucked his wand into his carry-around bag. Feeling my normally pale face turn a nice cherry red, I asked lightly as possible,

”What am I doing wrong?” almost too quietly to hear.

“Oh, your wand's going to poke an eye out.” He replied sarcastically, (not knowing that years later similar words would begin his son's first friendship.)

“Huh??” Oh, I thought, really smart.

“Here.” James sighed, and he guided me easily through the wand movements. My field mouse now had wings and feathers, and though it still had a tail, resembled an owl better.

“Thanks.” I murmured, as McGonagall inspected my… creature. Transfiguration was one of my few struggling subjects, and we had Newt's this year. James was now talking to Black, who had changed his mouse almost as quickly as James, and I watched as Remus joined them in their conversation. I caught the words “Quidditch” and
”Seeker”, until Professor McGonagall threatened the three Marauders with a detention, and they returned slowly to their original seats, sulking. Smiling as I pulled my red hair back tighter, an idea struck me.

“Make a deal with you.” I commented quietly as class ended. James didn't need me to say it twice, and turned quickly, a strange glint in his eye. I already knew I had had his attention. James loved to gamble bet, make bargains or deals.

“Jacob Saunders has a small gamble going on the outcome of the next match, and Gryffindor isn't playing.” I began, still planning out how I would say this without sounding desperate. I didn't want someone like Potter to get the impression that I really needed his help.

“So?” James asked, as I began walking towards Arithmancy, even as he walked towards the common room.

“Ravenclaw wins, you tutor me every night in transfiguration, and I mean seriously tutor me.”

“And if Hufflepuff wins?” James asked. What were the odds that Hufflepuff would win, I wondered. They hadn't won any match in the past three years… unless James knew something I didn't, and I wouldn't put it past him for a moment that he wouldn't tell me. But gambling was about taking chances.

“Next week at Hogsmade sound good?” I asked. His bloody grin went from one ear to the other, but he still wore that knowing smile.

“And if Hufflepuff catches the snitch, and Ravenclaw wins, or vise-versa?” James was still smiling, and I knew better than to think it was out of innocent amusement.

“We'll think about that when and if we get there.” Came my short reply, and with that we went our separate ways. Just then, Michelle walked up to me, smiling in a suggestive way. Shaking my head, I nodded to the common room door behind me and said “Remus?” suggestively, only succeeding in making poor Michelle blush. She been eyeing him for a while, it seemed ever since the start of the year, and I hadn't noticed it until Christmas. And ever since, I hadn't stopped teasing her over it.

“No. He's too busy talking about Quidditch with Black. Something about an accident.” I shook my head laughing to myself, and just as suddenly felt all of the laughter drain from my tone.

“Michelle, what did you hear?” I asked in blind panic, remembering James Potter's, knowing smile, and wondering if whatever accident they where talking about had to do with either of the houses playing this Friday. Knowing Potter, probably.

“Hufflepuff got a new Seeker after their last one crashed. Some second year,

Amos Diggory. I guess he's really good, you've seen him, you tutored him before.” I closed my eyes in remorse.

“How good?”

“Almost as good as potter. Hey, what's gotten him so excited, he looked like he just won the Quidditch cup, smiled for the first time in months!!”

“Months?” I asked, voicing my doubt. Michelle looked at me oddly.

“Yeah, he's been in a funk all year, he's not even that cocky anymore.”

“Just because his head deflated slightly doesn't mean he was always arrogant, and it certainly doesn't mean he's in a funk. Maybe he's just matured.” I replied, and watched Michelle's mouth drop.

“You're defending Potter? Lily, are you sure you're feeling well?” Michelle joking, but her voice held confusion and concern regardless.

And truth be told, I already felt my stomach turning. Bloody Potter.

This is my thanks to all of my reviewers-

ProngsGurl-thanks for all of your support, (my voice is just dripping with sarcasm,) and maybe after we're published, (for anyone who cares, me and Prongs have a co-authored book we're in the process of publishing.) I'll write another fic based on our ideas.

Christmas Eve fan- (yes, that's your new title,) thank you again for your inspiration!

RaMz- thanks for your corrective criticism, and for telling me any of my mistakes! I really appreciate the rating, and your right; I did kind of rush into that didn't I? I'm sort of new to writing fan fiction, I'm only thirteen, and I appreciate all support!

annon- thank you for the review, and the rating! I really like knowing that someone reads and enjoys my writings, and this is just one of the many ways I imagine l/j getting together! Plez review again soon, and I hope you enjoy this theory of the l/j relationship!

MoodyMoony- yes, ditz, I know ho you are, I still say that the song is noel, but thanks for taking the time to read my fanfic!

aero0688- don't worry, Sirius and the Marauders are working on fixing James, and even though this fic isn't turning out how I had envisioned, don't worry, they will be together in the end! Of, and if you lack in patience this fic really isn't for you, cause James is going to drag the Marauders for a few highs and lows throughout the whole story, and Sirius Black isn't the best person to try and fix him! Lol!

laurie- thank you SO MUCH! Two 10's I feel really warm and fuzzy inside! It's reviews like that that keep me writing! Thank you for reading; I hope in the end you still like it!

That's all I have for now, until the next chapter! R/r!

5. Author

Author's note- you guys, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry, I was grounded off the computer for the last few weeks, and were having…trouble at home, and right now my life is really screwed. But I am trying to bring my life back together, and in doing so I plan to throw myself into my writing. I am so sorry about the long break, but I promise to update as soon as I can. Thank you for any patience, Padfoot_puppyeyes

6. The Outcome, the Lesson and the Logest ChapterI Have Ever Wr

A.N.-I'm SO NOT going to make up excuses as to why I haven't written in months. Really, I'm not… it's just I have some small… problems and the computer broke down and my book's getting published (trying to) and (dodges tomatoes)… Fine, I really messed up, no more vegetables! Really, I'm extremely sorry, and I'll do anything I can to make it up to you guys. I'll even try and make this chappie extremely long! Here it goes….

P.s.- I tried updating this chapter for a million times before this one. Can anyone tell me why it simply says something about the…oh, shoot, I forgot it now… anyways, I will have whatever it said as soon as I remember when I update the next time, and I hope maybe someone can tell me what it means in case it happens again, because it was extremely frustrating! Also, I thank all for their patience, and apologize for the delay again…

Disclaimer- I really don't own Lily, or James, or most of anything. I don't even own Michelle, (do I prongs?) and there isn't honestly that much of a specific plot, other than James gets a little… depressed. (Who would've thought?)

Thank you to-

Midnight9214- I'm glad you like it6, hopefully this will live up to your expectations.

PhoenixPhether-sorry, I suppose you wanted to read about the match. I promise you somewhere in this fanfic, I will fully describe a Quidditch match! Cheers! (always wanted to say that!)

sweetkiwi456- wow, are you really? Please tell me the name of the book. details, here! And no, it isn't published as of yet we are still working on it, (AND PRONGS GURL ISN'T HELPING VERY MUCH, ARE YOU MITCH?)

gddssofdarkness- wow,

Lily-

Now that I had made the bet with him., I was somewhat afraid of the outcome of the match. All of us went, although Gryffindor wasn't playing, not because they wanted to see who won, but because Michelle had pretty much screamed to the Common Room in general that I had made such a gamble. Everyone wanted to see who wound up wining, just to find out how I would have to spend time with Potter, studying of in Hogsmade.

James sat only a few seats down, staring intently at the game. while I was completely nervous, (I'll admit freely, I don't usually attend the games, sometimes not even for Gryffindor,) he seemed at his ease, listening to Black and Lupin debate on something or another. I happened to overhear the words

“But if we get caught by Hagrid-“

“He wont know we're us!” Black argued,

“I wont know he's him.” Lupin retorted. At leas, I'm pretty sure that was what I heard. At the time, I wasn't paying them very much attention.

James's hair was tousled from the wind, but it had been a while since I'd seen him mess it up on purpose. He had purple shadows lining his eyes, which still seemed intent on the game.

“Lupin.” Professor McGonagall said sternly. “Do you think you can avoid the swear words this time? Last time was somewhat out of-“

“Absolutely, professor.” Remus normally did the commentary, and very nicely, except on games were Gryffindor didn't play, and he insisted it was Black's turn. Sirius gave a smile that said he would have fun with the mike, and I knew, from then on, this game was bound for chaos. “Passes it to Carr, back to Bryant- hit him, Jones. The bloody idiot could use a bludger to the head after turning us in like that, git- I was just teasing, nothing serious Professor!”

The game took about a half-hour, by which the end I was extremely cold, but it was worth it, and I considered coming to the games more often. Diggory for Hufflepuff, was making an effort, it became clear from his screwed up face, to concentrate on the snitch and not the commentary. Bludgers were `mistakenly' being aimed at Black, though I really can't say I blame Tom, whom he had been yelling to earlier.

Diggory, who, while he was somewhat good on a broom, was a little thick-headed, caught the snitch too early, ending the game in favor or Ravenclaw, but wining the snitch for Hufflepuff. James turned around in the middle or Ravenclaw's victory to meet my eyes,

And suddenly I didn't really mind spending the time with him. not that I'd ever tell him that of course.

James-

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened. Diggory caught the snitch, and Ravenclaw won. This was almost a little amusing, all things considered. A while ago, I would've done anything to spend so much time with Lily Evans, even if it meant tutoring her, and dating her? Not that I was really dating her, we were just going on a date. (As she reminded her friend Michelle over and over again at lunch.)

But the thing was, now? I'd rather not spend too much time with her. Even just thinking about her makes me feel angry and frustrated, never mind talking to her. Because as much as I had obsessed before, I had sort of realized something now, something pretty disheartening. Lily Evans, the girl I'd believed was somehow perfect, was human. Just like me, just like Dumbledore, (although I suppose that one's debatable) and just like almost everyone else at Hogwarts. So I've been pretty much avoiding her, since the embarrassing scene in the Great Hall at the start of term. No more fights, no more nasty names, and, (author note-gasp) no more vile pranks. Not on her, not on anyone else. (Not that that stopped Sirius.) But honestly, what Sirius said about hair gel at Christmas? That was a bit of an exaggeration.

And you'd think they'd let it go, now that I'd finally gotten my date with Evans. You would think, but Sirius doesn't let things drop so easily. Now he's afraid I'm not eating. “But your getting thinner, and the pranks-“ Sirius always brings up the pranks.

“You're acting like my mother! Just give it a rest.”

“Fine, fine. You're not too upset to come tonight, are you? We were going to make a little run into the forest.” Sirius said, eyes bright. Much as he must have expected me to know what he was talking about, it only confused me more.

“Why?” Dumb question.

“WHY! Are you really that out of it?” I raised an eyebrow, I still had absolutely no idea what his bloody point was, and if I thought my question was stupid, Padfoot's was by far worse. He was the one who was, just moments before, commenting on my different personality. “We've been planning on this for months. It took forever to find Aragog and those centaurs, and wanna pay them a visit! And Moony transforms tonight.” Although he couldn't yell, because Moony's secret is ours too, he did a pretty loud whisper, earning him an elbow in the side for his troubles. Although he kind of had good reason. I'd helped plan half the trip and I had completely forgotten! Not to mention, I had set up a tutor session with Evans tonight. It was our first one, and she insisted I wasn't allowed to back out of it. It was only after I explained this to Sirius that he hit me hard on the back of the head, (he was no longer acting like my mother,) and told me to call it off.

“I can't.” I explained. “Promised. Here, I'll leave early. You can see the centaurs without me then I'll meet you at Aragog.” While Sirius agreed with this plan, (then asked me if I would finish my food. I gave it to him. I wasn't really hungry.) I was having a little trouble convincing Evans. Not because she had a problem with it, only because I stubbornly refused to talk to her. It wasn't as if she couldn't put up with me. She'd been the one to talk to me at Christmas, after all, and a few days ago, to make the bet about the game. But... I wasn't really all that sure I could put up with her.

Of course, by the end of dinner I wasn't really left with much of a choice. “Evans.” I called, running to keep up with her. I swear people stopped in the halls to watch Evans put me in my place. They have been every time Evans and I've passed each other in the halls; at the end of every class we've had together, and in the common room, whenever we sit within five feet of each other while working or playing wizard's chess. Then again, they'd been expecting me to ask Evans out all of those times, so I can't really say I blame them for watching. It must make a pretty amusing picture, Evans blowing up.

But she didn't blow up at me this time. Just gave me her McGonagall look, told me I'd better not end it too early, and walked into the portrait hole, followed by a stunned Michelle. An equally stunned Sirius stood next to me, mouth open in shock.

“So I lock you in a room with her over night, and suddenly she doesn't hate you?” he asked, his expression puzzled. “Well, I didn't expect it to work. I'll have to keep that in mind.”

Lily's POV-

“So he can be a real jerk. But he'd really good at Transfiguration, and you saw my mouse…owl…thing. That'll probably be on the NEWT's and I can't mess up, not if I want to be a healer.”

Michelle was somewhat annoyed by the fact that while I could have asked her to help, I went running to Potter. “Well, at least you're talking to him again. I think Sirius Black was actually concerned for him, and seeing Black worried…” Michelle shivered as if the sight wasn't pleasant, but I really didn't know what she was talking about. I'd never seen Black upset, at least not this year, except for at Christmas. But Sirius Black had always been upset at Christmas.

It was on this note, (the note being that I was wondering if Potter was really that upset that he'd had Black worried,) that I made my way to the owlery, to meet James for my first lesson.

He must have already had it planned out, because he had an ink-black owl on his arm, and a mouse in a cage next to him, on the rail. There was a little cleaned up area, a blanket laid out for us to sit on, where he was kneeling on the wooden floor. Walking around the droppings, I sunk down next to him. “I've been thinking. We'll work on this project tonight. Tomorrow we'll work on turning the owl,” he gestured to the one perched one his arm “into a mouse.”

He actually sounded like he knew what he was teaching, and when he taught, it seemed that he did, by the end of the “lesson” I had learned more than one thing in the owlrey. I learned that Potter took his Transfiguration seriously, just taught it in an unusual way. “Ignore the fact that it's an owl, because that's not the point. The point is, it's one thing that could become another.” He was almost saying it like McGonagall, and I actually wanted to listen.

“But it is an owl. Why ignore the fact that it is one?” All right, I was genuinely curious. Patiently, he said

“Because if you focus on it now, you aren't going to ever be able to change other things into mice.” This actually made sense, and I made a mental note to tell this to Michelle, who might want the advice. There was a howl that pierced the night, drifting through the owlrey, and James seemed to be brought out of his lesson by it. He paled visibly, his attention drawn to the window.

“Well, that about wraps it up today, you can stay and practice if you want, but I've got to go! I'll see you tomorrow, you owe me a date!” He called as he made his way quickly down the ladder and out the door.

Boys.

Sirius's POV-

James still hadn't shown up, Remus had transformed and was hungry and Peter had almost been eaten, not by Remus but a giant spider. And all of this because James was too afraid of a girl to tell her that he needed to cancel what wasn't even a date. A study session. Since when did James study? Idiot.

Of course, James had no idea we were on our deathbeds. He was quite content up in the owlrey, (which we had been forced to help him clean,) with Ms. Evans, whom he was afraid of.

Girls.

Anyways, James came just in time again, like he always does. Just in time to control Moony, who was almost biting me to keep me moving, (hey, werewolves are a bit faster than dogs!) and calm Peter, who had been on my shoulder and was now perched, shaking on James's back. It appeared the stag's calm demeanor soothed the rat, something I was not good for, especially at the moment, seeing as I was pretty worked up myself, not with nerves with worry.

Moony usually does all of the worrying around here. But he was a werewolf, and would therefore only remember the events of tonight in a daze without much detail. He wouldn't notice Prongs's shabby coat, or the fact that he seemed to have lost even more weight when in stag form. He even had that haunted look, the one that came with a suicidal.

James Potter was not suicidal. But he could get there.

I said it before, and have patience with me, I'll say it again. Girls.

Next Chapter summary: what if Lily enjoyed her day with the Marauders, and her moments with James but James started avoiding Lily like the plague? Plus- I may give some insight as t how one can get himself up the stairs to the girls dormitory. It's a good idea, I just have to place it right. And it will probably be in both Sweet Dreams and Depression, which is so far not really living up to it's name, but it

S too late to change it, and I'm technologically challenged. Anyways, that wraps that up, I think. You never know, Padfoot could be right about it. But don't worry, he isn't. No suicide on Portkey, right? I can play by the rules. Seriously, I wont if it's against the rules, and I wouldn't anyways, James needs to be alive because of Harry.

7. The Date and the Stag

Warning-this chapter seriously incorporates some things said and momentarily forgotten in earlier chapters. In other words, if you haven't read my earlier chapters in a while, you may not understand. Skim through them again, to see what you remember.

A.N.- Oh, wow. Why is it blue? I'm sorry, I'm not sure how to change it and I want this idea out of me before bed, seeing as it's one in the morning, and if I don't get my idea's out now, they wont let me sleep. Haha. I think the sleep deprivation is making me act like this. Okay. I hope you liked the upload. And I owe an apology to gddssofdarkness- I'm sorry I never finished your thank-you I read your review, and you were the second one who reviewed wanting to read about the quidditch game, so right after your review, I tried to change it to add the match and make it fit into the rest of the story. But because of your review, I added the Quidditch part. So thank you.

Disclaimer- if I were J.K. I wouldn't have to put up such a struggle just to find a company to publish my personal works; I'd already have one. And I most certainly wouldn't be writing fanfic about my story. (Although, if anyone ever writes facfic about my other story, I may consider it. writing fanfic on my own story, I mean.) So why am I even writing this? So I don't get sued.

Sauron the Dark- Thanks, I think. I know this will sound very stupid, because most people my age wouldn't ask, they'd just assume, but I have to be sure… what does it mean to burn both ends of the candle? (Sleepy smile) Maybe I know, just not when I fall asleep at the keyboard. Anyways, inquiring minds want to know! And I can't make James crash too hard, can I? I suppose that would get me reported. But what if something drastic happened that finally made Lily realize exactly what he's doing to himself, even if it isn't intentional? And what if it wasn't James's fault, and Harry wasn't the only reason Voldemort attacked. What if Lily being an Angelinos caught Voldemort's eye, and she had a connection to him? What if James had a connection to Voldemort? What would Lily think of James then? Anyways I think now I've given away part of the story, and I'm ranting, so I'll stop. This fic may have been darker, but this is portkey, where everything is organized and everyone's happy, so I guess I'll have to find another site and this one, Portkey for good fics…that one for bad. (Two in the morning.)

sweetkiwi456- Sweet! If I come up with anything, I'll let you know! I love elves! (Sorry, I mean forest ones, not Santa's little helpers.) My stories of the same nature, about a different world and such. Give me your im or e-mail; sometime I will seriously have to tell you about it. It sound like something you may be interested in, and I'm already interested in yours! And I'm glad you enjoyed my owlrey part, I think I may have more, I enjoyed writing it and had the idea forever, just no way to get it out. Cheers!

Thank you to all who say I have a gift. When I was rejected, you gave me hope for my dreams.

Thank you to those who have flames. Without you, I wouldn't know why I was rejected, and as such would be incapable of fixing it.

Lily-

There was no way on earth that I, Lily Jean Evans, was worried about what to wear to Hogsmade. Even if it was on my first date, with a guy who I used to despise, and now care about. Although I refuse to admit this. But no, I'm not nervous.

Bloody hell, I was petrified. “You could fake sick, you know.” Michelle suggested. “But I really wouldn't. Potter might wind up really sick.” I paused I tossing yet another sweater over my shoulder. I swear these trunks are big, but not big enough to see all of the choices.

“I have no notion of what you are talking about, nor do I particularly care. I'm going to wind up spending the day surrounded by idiots, taunted by Slytherins and glared at James Potter's fan club.” I replied bitterly. But Michelle saw right through that little act. This could have been because I am a very bad lair, or Michelle is just very good at reading people. Anyways, just because she was right didn't keep me from denying the truth.

“Potter's sick in love, or hate, or something. And besides, you still have me.” while I knew this, and I was grateful for Michelle agreeing to come along as Remus's date, I love to get to her. I guess it only happens when I'm given such a good opening and opportunity.

“As I said, I'm surrounded by idiots. Normally I only have to put up with one, being you, but today there four more.” I replied this with the straightest face I could keep. Michelle analyzed the choices of clothing I had spread across my four-poster.

“Not fair. Remus isn't much of an idiot, he got high marks on his O.W.L's like you, and he was a prefect.” Michelle stated that last comment like that ended the matter right there. I just rolled my eyes, quite ignoring the fact that Michelle had forgotten to defend herself and had instead defended Lupin.

Finally, as I pulled a soft white sweater over my head, I asked, “Michelle, why are you continuously bring up Potter and his so called “depression?”

(“Because it's the name of the story.” She replied. No, just kidding, I wouldn't do that.)

“Because I don't think you've noticed it enough. I don't like James Potter anymore than you do, but the halls are literally dead. This is our last year at Hogwarts, and the Marauder's haven't pulled a decent prank in forever. To be honest, it was kind of fun, putting up with both them and their antics. Remus says-“

“Oh, what does Remmy say?” I knew it sounded childish, but I didn't want to hear anymore about this particular topic. It didn't work.

“Don't call him that, Remus says James isn't eating, he takes midnight walks on his own, and he barely even talks anymore. Can't you get his straitened out at your next head meeting, or on your date or something? He'll probably open up to you-he really liked you- and anything would give us something to go on.”

“Speaking of which, did you hear why the last few have been cancelled?” This finally caught Michelle's attention, and turned her fully away from any topic regarding a romantic interest with James Potter. It took something pretty important for Dumbledore to cancel anything.

“No. What happened?” Michelle asked, applying make up. Honestly, I may be nervous, but I'm not stupid. I applied my make up using magic, and it took Michelle a moment to remember that she could do so as well.

“There was an attack on Hexford. Apparently, Dumbledore's been over there straitening things out. They almost cancelled the trip today, but there would have been too many complaints.” I was finally ready, and for once, I somehow managed to be late.

As we entered the Great Hall to meet with the Marauders, I overheard, once again, another prank being planned by the infamous Marauders. “ We'll need some enlargement enrichment, some…oh, uh, hey Michelle, Lily.” I couldn't help but smile at Remus, who seemed to be planning the prank with Black, nor could I help but notice that on the slip of parchment they were leaning over, James handwriting wasn't on it. And James wasn't whispering with them. In fact, James wasn't doing much of anything, except looking down at his plate, playing with his scrabbled eggs using a fork. Michelle caught my eyes when James uttered a quiet greeting, and I felt a surge of guilt at the look she sent me. But just as I was about to apologize for earlier this year, and get it over with, he stood and sad that we'd all better get going.

Sirius-

“Oh, bloody hell, I think he saw us!” Peter squeaked. I prayed, for both our sanity and Lily's safety that he hadn't. James wouldn't really appreciate knowing that, in order to look out for him, the other Marauders, Michelle, and myself had tracked he and Lily for the last few hours.

We followed them into The Three Broomsticks, putting a safe distance between us. I heard James say “I'm surprised you didn't tell everyone in Hogwarts about my invisibility cloak.” Lily, who appeared to be studying James carefully, perhaps finally noticing what I had been noting for the past month, said

“Why would I?”

“Because then you could tell the word how you finally figured out the secret of the Marauders and their disappearing acts.” They seemed to be trying to make conversation, but I could already tell it wasn't going too far. Lily continued trying but James seemed in a daze, and this time I was fairly sure it had nothing to do with Lily and her beauty.

“What's wrong?” So Lily had noticed it too.

“Have you ever gotten the feeling someone was watching you?” James asked, looking around, then finally focusing on the large beam in the middle of the room, holding the pub up, where Moony and Michelle were hiding. He stood up and walked slowly around it, while Michelle and Remus did the same on the opposite side of him, so he couldn't see them, frantically motioning for silence from Lily. Lily only laughed.

“What?” James asked, annoyed, as he sat back down.

“Nothing.” Lily giggled. “You're just being paranoid.”

“No, it's not just that. I have this feeling, just like…”

“Like what?” lily actually seemed concerned, and I wondered if maybe this date could go a little better that what I had been anticipating when I had sent Michelle, Remus Peter and myself on the mission of protecting James from a broken heart. (Although Michelle insisted that she'd seen how he'd been acting, and she thought his heart was already broken.)

“Well…”Lily drifted off. “I'm glad you've told no one that I'm an Angelinos.” She said it somewhat broodingly, and I knew she had been looking forward to yelling at him for it. It would be a reason to tell James off.

“To be honest, Evans, I almost forgot.”

“Almost? Lily asked. I could tell she was mentally cursing him.

“Hey, I need my blackmail.” James replied bitterly. “I don't think this was a good idea.” I actually saw a look of hurt cross Lily's face, I swear I did! But the date didn't seem to be what he was talking about. “I've got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I got the same feeling the day Hexford was attacked.”

“Relax, your just too nervous.” She replied, taking a sip of butterbeer. But I knew James and his odd, nervous feelings. They usually were right. I mentally called to Dumbledore's, using my lack-luster occlumency; I called to him to try and get Hogwarts out of Hogsmade.

If Prongs was right on another of his feelings, (and, seeing as both of his parents were Aurors, he usually is,) Hogsmade was in trouble.

James-

I had known something was wrong, but had kept it to myself. It was just a feeling in the pit of my stomach, and not from looking at Lily Evans. I don't get that feeling anymore. Anyways, I really knew something bad was going to happen. And I wasn't surprised when a teacher came in and called the attention of all Hogwarts students and residents of Hogsmade.

“We need your corroperation. We have been informed that and attack is in the planning, and will, for your safety, be sending all students back to their houses.” `Immediate whispers followed this, and I stood rather abruptly, leading Lily by the arm out the door and into the carriages. She let me pull her arm, and I couldn't help but notice that her face showed blind panic. Her bright red hair blew wildly around her face, but the air was so still, and I knew that whatever it was that was here, possibly Voldemort, could be after Lily. She'd be very useful in such a situation, being able to levitate items at any give time without a wand.

I gently pushed her up in the carriage, though I would rather have not been near her at all. The point behind this date was to show her that I wasn't what she had originally made me up to be, a spoiled arrogant idiot. And my point, it seemed had been proven at our first lesson. Why couldn't she just leave me alone?

The ride back roved interesting. “James,” Lily seemed to be carefully considering how best to approach whatever subject she was bringing up. I nodded, thinking that this had something to do with Voldemort. “Um… You aren't really that upset about what I said in the room at Christmas, are you? I mean, you know, the whole…”Lily scrunched up her face, “Well, I can't exactly remember what I said, but something to the likes of me hating you.”

It wasn't that that had been bothering me, although those words had made it worse. I didn't understand what Lily Evans had against me, when I rarely pulled a prank on her. And at the beginning of the term, she had taken my asking her out as a joke. I wanted her to know I had been serious about it. And now, she knew. But she was worried, along with Remus, Sirius, and Peter (who didn't understand how I could like a muggle born so much, when all she did was hurt me).

“Look, Evans.” I said, addressing her no differently than I always had. “I am fine. You have no reason to worry, none of you do. I eat when I'm hungry, I sleep when I'm tired, and I study when…” I paused for comical humor, hoping to get her mind off of the matter. “Well, I don't suppose I do study. So about studying, we can teach you tonight how to turn the owl into the mouse fully, and then you'll understand that subject.” All right, so I was in a rush to finish my end of the deal. I had proved to everyone that I could handle Lily Evans, and it was worth it. But I didn't want to spend any more time than necessary with her.

“What about all of the other topics on NEWTS?” She asked. I think I visibly bulged, and retorted bitterly

“Enlist McGonagall, she's a big help. I only know so much.” There was absolutely no way I was teaching her anymore then that.

Lily-

It was about an hour after Potter's lesson, and I was starting to notice the changes in him. He seemed more controlled, and at the same time more moody, except in the owlrey during our lessons. In there he was patient and kind, almost even, to some degree, humble.

“I wonder if that's what he acts like around his friends.” I murmured to the air in general. I know, this seems like insanity, murmuring to mid-air. But when I was little, I used to do such things, because I already knew how to levitate objects. Other people knew about my gift from my sister, even though my parents had tried to keep it a secret. When I was little, I'd always been alone. So talking out loud to myself was nothing new to me. But it seemed like this time, nature responded. A stag cantered up to the edge of the lake, and cautiously approached me. I turned, still sitting on the ground, to meet its eyes, and saw a haunted look in them.

“What did you go through, huh?” The stag, rather than fleeing at my voice, walked closer. Finally, he sunk next to me, letting me lean on him. Together, this stag and I watched the sun set.

I'm not very sure about that as an ending for a chapter, but it was worth a shot. The next one may have some comedy in it, I'm not sure. But I feel like I have to make the time lost up to you all, so I'm trying to update quickly. Any praise or flames appreciated. Will have steps next time.

8. The loss

AN- I was grounded from the computer for a while, (and still am, I'm updating where mum can't find me!) but here's my update. It's somewhat sudden, and you may not like it, but it's going to play a part in my plot. Anyways, I have some reviewers to thank, only two, but those two thrilled me!

Sweetkiwi456- hey! I'm glad you liked my ending; I'm pretty sure that if you liked the last one, you wont fancy this one, but it's un-avoidable, and somewhat predictable. Anyways, keep me posted on your own story, and I'll keep you posted on mine. If you have an e-mail or AIM and don't mind sharing, I really want to talk to someone who sounds so like me! Anyways, just a thought.

Galexytext- THANKYOU SO MUCH! You have no idea how much I'd like to take part in a round robin, especially one concerning Lily and James! (smile!) Thank you thank you thank you! I hope you can afford to wait up; I was grounded from the computer for a week! Thank you thank you, and any time you want to include me, please do! (Still smiling, and now squealing!)

Disclaimer- do I look rich? No. Leave it at that.

James

“HOW COULD YOU SHOW PRONGS TO HER IF YOU HATE HER? HOW COULD YOU EVEN IF YOU LOVE HER? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE REMUS'S SECRET, OUR SECRET!” Sirius lowered his voice, noticing the werewolf's glare. Afterward, he continued to rant, but I didn't pay him much attention. I'd pretty much learned to block Padfoot out around third year, and had during such occasions ever since. It wasn't as though I hadn't known it was coming, and I was still trying to answer for myself the question Padfoot had asked moments before.

I hadn't planned on sitting next to Lily like that, it had just sort of happened. Well, this is interesting. I thought to myself in amusement. My own feelings died for Evans, but my stag's feelings haven't changed at all. Right now, I wasn't exactly sure of what I felt towards Lily, and I wasn't less sure I wanted to find out. I had just transformed to run off some stress, (which was her fault I had in the first place) when I happened to notice Evans by the lake, tears streaming silently down her face. She had made no effort to wipe the tears away, and I could help but notice she looked lonely.

She looked a little less lonely now, walking in through the portrait, and I wasn't about to talk to her and give myself away on accident. (I seemed to have a tendency to do this when my minds as cluttered as it is at the moment.) So I did the only thing I could think of. Yeah, I know, real brave of me. But I ran.

“Hey, I'm not done with you yet!” Sirius called.

“Oh, sod off, Padfoot.” I think that may have been the limit, and raced off before I could cause any more trouble. I ran through the portrait and into the halls, unsure were I was going, and not really caring were I ended up.

I transformed when I reached the grounds, welcoming the feelings of freedom that accompanied my stag form. When I ran, it was like flying. Nothing else seemed to matter. I wound up, without realizing it, right by the shrieking shack, welcoming the familiarity. What I saw through the trees astounded me.

Half of Hogsmade was in ruin. Burning homes and jobs, smoke, and fallen trees made the street look littered the streets amongst human bodies. And yeah, I'd been aware of the battle being waged, having been told to inform all students why they were no longer aloud in Hogsmade. The Death Eaters had shown up about an hour after Hogwarts had called it's student's back early, and it looked as though the number of casualties was even on both sides. But knowing this didn't make it any better.

The other half was a combination of people running, spells, Death Eaters, (in my mind, they aren't people,) and Aurors (in my opinion, they're better than average people). I saw more than half of the people working in my parents department, people I had grown up knowing, throwing out the occasional spell, and defending themselves with shielding charms. Even more Aurors were apparating back and forth amongst the few daring healers who went into the battle to retrieve the victims, coming to their aid. I saw my dad, brown hair bloody and hands burnt, throwing spells at anything coming his way, no longer on offence, but on defense. I heard his shouting out the spells and saw a number of curses being thrown his way successfully dodged when I heard him cry out and drop his shields.

I watched him as he half raced half scrambled to get over the rubble to my mother, who had been trying to escape to heal her wounds, and felt the tears coming as son as she fell to her knees. I was about to rush to her side, then saw my dad pick her up, and watched through someone else's eyes as both of them dissapperated. Suddenly aware that I was in the center of an all-out battlefield, and scrambled back up the hill I had just moments before stumbled down. I felt a wave of heat come at my back, and fell as soon as it hit my back. I felt my body become human again, using my energy so that at least no one would know my secret, and, successful in that, stumbled blindly into the edges of Hogsmade, the destroyed village.

* * *

When I woke up, the sunlight was coming through the curtains; Sirius, Remus and Peter were asleep either on the hospital beds or, in Sirius's case, in the uncomfortable position on one of the chairs by my bedside. I shifted and tried to sit up, and was held back by a searing, splitting pain up my spine. Biting my lip hard enough to almost draw blood, I stifled any noise and quietly woke up Sirius.

“Huh?” Sirius said, falling out of his chair. “JAMES, YOU'RE AWAKE!” So much for quiet. The others woke up too, still groggy. Why did it have to be Sirius next to the bed? I tried to talk, but my mouth seemed glued shut. Remus, always ready, handed me a glass of water, and the first words of my mouth, rather than thanking them for waiting only god knows how long next to my bed, were “What happened?”

At this moment, the headmaster walked in, followed by Madam Pomfery, the new healer, who immediately started to kick-out the protesting Marauders. Ignoring them, I eyed Dumbledore and repeated my earlier question. “What happened?”

“You seem to have a knack for appearing at the wrong place, at the wrong time.” He replied. He was trying to lighten up the situation, but the twinkle I'd grown used to was missing, and I had that same feeling, the one I'd been having ever since Voldemort's rise. “Would you like me to remind you where we found you, or have you remembered the events of that day already?”

The events of what day? Slowly, I remembered Lily and our date, if it could be called that, watching the sun set, and going out for a run much later that night. I remembered seeing my mother fall, and seeing my father rush to her. I was trying so hard to stay calm, but a wave of panic overcame me. “What happened to them?” Dumbledore swallowed hard before saying

“Your father made it out, but your mother took a severe blow to the head, and was out into a coma. This morning she passed away.” I wouldn't believe it. I didn't want to. Dumbledore seemed to sense that I needed time alone, and allowed Madam Pomfery to check my vitals, made sure I would live, apologized for my loss, then left.

The school nurse explained that I'd been severely burnt, and that, if I applied the tonic, over time it would heal. I just gave her that I knew was a blank look, then asked stupidly, “Which pain?” she sucked in a breath, unsure of what to say, then dismissed me, but not before telling me to check in with her in a week.

I ran out of there faster than I had ever run as a stag, then threw up in the corridor. It wasn't because of the pain of losing a parent. I didn't feel that pain, or even the stabbing pains lacing up my back, although I should have. All I felt was numb.

Lily-

I had never seen a boy cry. Not one any older than three anyways, but the four Marauders were there, in the common room, at three in the morning. And two of them were crying. Lupin and Black weren't sobbing, just letting the tears run from their eyes. Peter Pettigrew seemed in shock. James seemed emotionless, until he finally blinked and I saw a single tear roll down his face. Somehow, that tear made the situation, whatever the it may be, all the more real. I didn't think this would be the right time to interrupt, but I knew James had been in the hospital wing, although no one but the Marauders had been allowed to visit, and I wondered what trouble he'd gotten himself into this time. Black finally broke the silence of the common room, saying, “If you found this out this afternoon, where were you for the last six hours?”

“Crying. Flying. Running.” James replied in a monotone, and I noticed that his face was red, his eyes swollen. Bloody hell. If Potter was that upset, it had to be pretty bad. Black just shook his head. “ Brilliant. Just bloody brilliant! She was like my mother too, you know! You should have at least come back to say something.”

James just shook his head, his voice thin and wavering as he said “Padfoot, I really don't need this right now.” His thin and strong form was shaking. Black started shaking with him, then took an unnoticed black envelope from James's hand and opened it to read it once again. He looked as if he was about to throw it in the fire, but James summoned it and smoothed it out. Folding it with care, he stood up from his spot on the couch and said in a calm voice, “I'm going to bed.” Nobody stopped him; they just silently followed him up the stairs to the dorm they shared.

When I was sure they had left, I pulled my book out and sat down in the same spot Potter had been seated in moments before. It was a muggle romance novel, one that my own mother had sent for Christmas. I tried to block out what I had just seen, but curiosity was killing me. Judging from what I had hear, something had happened to James's mother. He had, after all, been the one to hold the letter, the one who had been missing and crying most of the day.

I heard footsteps on the stairs to the boy's dorm and turned silently to see James Potter walking down the stairs. It had to be a few hours after the crying incident, and I had to assume all of the others were asleep. I had been practicing levitating things without a wand, and actually controlling were they go, when he had come down, thus the reason I was up reading at sun-up. I could tell from the red eyes and black shadows under them he hadn't slept at all.

“Why aren't you asleep?” I asked, grateful it was only him, and he already knew my secret, so I didn't have to stop my practicing. The thing about being an Angelinos was, I had strong magical capabilities and could perform wand-less magic with hard effort. Still, that was an accomplishment, and if I practiced enough I wouldn't have to work so hard without my wand.

James smiled wryly at my question. “I would ask you the same question, but I already know the answer. Me, I'm never going to sleep again.”

“Bad dreams?”

“Bad memories.” Jams replied meekly. “Bad memories that used to be god. They told me to try remembering my favorite times with her, but that only makes it hurt worse.” He sounded a lot like a little kid would, but I could relate. I'd probably have been worse than him if I'd lost my mother. He restlessly looked around, and then said “you know, I know a much better place to practice, if you want. You could use it in the day in your spare time, and it'd have whatever you need to test yourself.”

“And what do you get out of this magnanimous offer of yours?” I asked bitterly. Part of it had to do with the fact that I had been up half the night, and part may have been that I still didn't trust him. He either liked me or he didn't. Apparently, James Potter's mind isn't that simple, because as he would have before replied “the pleasure of your company” he now simply said “something to do.”

I swear he's more emotional than me. And aren't females supposed to suffer the mood swings? Emotional or not, he was giving me a room with everything I wanted in it, and who could turn down the offer?

So he got the invisibility cloak, which was one of my conditions if I had to follow him, and we quietly climbed out of the portrait just as the sun rose. We wandered for what seemed like was forever, but only was really a few minutes, before James stopped us. “You walk past this stop in the wall three times and think hard on what you want.

I need somewhere to secretly practice wandless magic. I need somewhere to work without the worry of someone finding me. I need books on Angelinos.

A polished door appeared in front of me, and James opened it and stepped inside without hesitation, like he didn't really care what was in there or rather it was dangerous or not. Which I'm pretty sure he didn't. “Nice.” He commented, looking around. On one wall, there were books on what I was and my abilities, while on the other wall, there was a table with porcelain trays for me to practice levitating, a large and comfortable looking chair. James seemed to scrutinize the room before saying “I'd assume you want to practice through breakfast.” I nodded reverently, ignoring the quiet rumble in my stomach. James smiled without humor and a tray of eggs, sausages, orange juice, and my other favorites appeared on the table. “That should hold you over. I've got to go. Sirius'll be awake any moment now, and less tired. He'll be pissed if it looks like I'm hiding from him.” With a small wave he left. I noted that he'd only left for me my favorite breakfast foods. Did he really know me that well? It made we wonder how often he'd watched me eat. It wasn't a comforting thought.

Sirius-

Where James was before breakfast, I wasn't sure. I was pretty positive I would never know especially if it had to do with his mother or Evans, who was missing from the table. I would know, because James kept staring at her empty chair.

It wasn't healthy for him to brood, and he had been all year. His mother's death wouldn't help. He'd been extremely close to her, and his father was an alcoholic, and though he'd quit a while ago, his wife's death and having his son away at school might give him more time than he should to think over things. I didn't want James to get started on the firewhiskey.

A black owl caught everyone's attention as it led the mail, and dropped another black envelope, similar to the one I'd read from hours before. James paled, and I mentally cursed. My voice was gone, or I would have said these words aloud, but I saw James relax, and hand me the message with care, telling me to be careful with it before walking to only god and perhaps Evans knew, leaving his food once again untouched

To whom it may concern,

In the line of duty, Mrs. Harriet Potter fell in the midst of a Death Eater attack. She saved many lives in her line of work, and we appreciate her service. We regret to inform you that Mrs. Potter's funeral ceremony, as well as the ceremony mourning the loss of others who fell during the attack on March the 24th, will be held at 12:00 on Saturday the 27th. We apologize for your loss Sincerely

Matilda Periwinkle

Yeah right, I thought, annoyed. They were real sympathetic. (Note my sarcasm, I've been told it's one of my few Slytherin traits.) I watched James walk off, apparently excusing himself from his lessons. No one tried to stop him.

9. Nightmares and Lily

AN- sorry, I know I haven't written in a while, I just have a lot going on in terms of my art, writings, novel and poetry. It all just sort of caught up with me, and it seemed everything was due right before spring break, which I have just gotten off. Again, sorry for the delay, but thank you for your patience and remember it could've been worse! (No really, it could have!) Now, to the reviews, then the story.

Sweetkiwi456- YAY! Someone actually got what I was hinting at when I repeated the part about the burns going up his back! It make one wonder, how would a human, without being tied down and lain on a table, get burns up his back, and not around his back, or directly on his back! Anyways, I was going to have a little talk with Dumbledore in this chapter, and have him hint that he's on to the Marauders, (even though he never really figures them out.) Hope yah like! And thanks for the e-mail address I'll send yah something sometime, maybe a prolog of my story, Wolf Magick. (I know, weird name, I'll explain it in the book.) Anyways, good luck with yours! And have you come up with a name?

hermionemalfoy-evil name, I know I loved your review, and I'm so glad you liked it, but evil name. It would be amusing though, from what I've read.

prongsgurl- Millionth time, NOT E-MAIL! And call me, we have to find someone to edit, mom will never get it done!

JayaMioneDurron- love the name, and thanks so much for reviewing this time, you have no idea, (or maybe you do) how good it feels, even just to get one appreciative review! Glad you liked the stag, because the transformations will play a key part in many up-coming events! And I know it's sad, that's why it's called depression! And what does delurks mean?

Sweet Dreams Reviewers-

Lady Akako-don't worry, I'm planning on staying this time… I hope. And thanks, I love looping back to the beginning, you may see that in my other fics. THANK YOU!

Anonymous- thank for asking the time to review. Hopefully, whoever you are, you read this fic so you know I can thank you.

Sauron the Dark- can I assume you know all about blackmail and treachery. (Smirk) a true Slytherin? Anyways, I thought about what you said, and you're right, more padding, (although I took the bones compliment nicely.) maybe later I'll re-write Sweet Dreams and try to add some of that padding. While things may not be different, it could be interesting, and people that didn't read it before could get a better version now. See, I do take your advice to heart. (Smirk again)

Still missing- my muse. Black hair, black eyes, hates me, and tends to give me good ideas and bad endings. Evil devil smile and laugh that sends chills down the spine. Lives up to and answers to the name `devil'. If found, please send via review or e-mail.

Disclaimer- why do we write these if we know we aren't J.K., and we use the name portkey. ORG, meaning non-profit organization? Just asking.

James-

So far, I'd been pretty reckless, and I was very aware of it. Showing Lily Prongs, running to Hogsmade and passing out were just a few of the many times I'd almost gotten caught. But I very narrowly avoided another incident, this one started by the Headmaster himself.

There's something you should know about Dumbledore before we continue. He knows, more or less, everything that happens in his school, and we've always wondered how he knew it. Thus the Marauder's map, the midnight trips to memorize every school corridor, the knowledge of each house's password and the pranks pulled year-round. But we have yet to figure him out.

I think it bothered him that for once, he was out of the picture. At least when it came to my burns. Madam Pomfery couldn't quite pace together how I'd gotten burnt up my back, and I'm pretty sure she'll never know. So now, every time I stretch wrong and Dumbledore's anywhere nearby, he asks a similar question about my burns. Normally I'm expecting it. This time, however the headmaster caught me off-guard.

“Mister Potter.” He was asking one day after a head meeting, “You have been getting your treatments for the burns?” As much as I wanted to snap at him, he'd said nothing, (much to my disappointment,) I could yell at him for. He'd simply asked an even simpler question, one that only demanded a yes or no answer. But the yes or no answer was like a life-or-death question. Because if he so much as mentioned the burns, I was a goner. I'd never been good at lying, (or cheating, or stealing) and Dumbledore's piercing blue eyes didn't help at all. So instead I just continued gathering up my stuff, and acted avoided the headmaster's stare.

“Yes.” I replied tensely, very aware of Lily hanging on our every word. (Nosy, insufferable, annoying-)

“Those were some rather unusual burns.” Oh, there goes my train of thought. “I knew magical fire could take a while to heal, but they almost left a pattern up you spine, rather than at a particular area of your back. Perhaps you can explain the patterns?”

“Huh?” I froze on the spot, knowing he was referring to the lines up my back. It must have something to do with being a four-legged animal that left the lines because I even had to admit they made me look suspicious. But no animagus had ever been burnt up the back before that I was aware of, or Dumbledore would've instantly called me on it.

“Yes, the lines running up your back, combined with the fact that in the snow we found no human footprints. In fact, we only found you because of the Kneazles they've been training to find those injured but alive. So how exactly did you get there, without walking, and survive such a burn?”

“ Snow must have melted, or been covered over in that time, because I did run there.” Half-truths were better than whole lies. Still, I could feel my face heating up. Dumbledore didn't seem satisfied with my answer, but didn't want to push the matter too far, not in front Lily, so he excused me, reminding me again that if I ever needed to talk I could notify one of the teachers and within moments he'd be in his office. Right, like I was going to talk to the headmaster about how I'd seen my mum die. But I nodded anyways and excused myself. Hey, I'd actually gotten away with it! I knew that muggle card game Bullshit would help. (AN- I hate cussing.)

Lily wouldn't let it go as easily as the Headmaster though. She followed me back to the common room, at first silent, then voicing her opinion on the issue. That had been one of the reasons I'd liked her to begin with-nope, not going there again!

“You know, people are actually starting to worry about-“

“Evans, not now.” I said, knowing I sounded tired. “I'm going to bed.” But I could swear as I left I heard her mention a stag, and a quiet one at that. I waited till I heard her footsteps retreat on the Girl's Dormitory stairs, then pulled the invisibility cloak over my head. Call me scared, but I couldn't sleep, knowing what I would remember and hear about that night. Instead, I brought my homework and actually finished it. In the end, even though I swore I'd never sleep, I dozed off on the couch in a chair.

Lily-

I'll be plain and flat-out when I say the reason I went back downstairs. I was somewhat worried about James Potter. Maybe it was guilt that I'd been the one to make him like this, maybe it was something else, but I didn't believe James Potter when he said he went to sleep. He looked like he hadn't actually had a decent sleep for at least a week. He looked even worse when I came back to the common room. Just as I thought he might, he had stayed down there, and covered himself with the invisibility cloak. It had slipped off during his fit-full sleep so now I pulled it off him and made him fully visible.

I have no idea what it was he saw that day, how he got the burns up his back, or how he managed to run and make no footprints in the mud and snow. But I know it all relates to whatever he'd be dreaming right now. He was tossing and mumbling, but never screaming or pleading. And all right, so I was curious. Are you saying you wouldn't be? So I placed the tips of my fingers on his sweaty brow and tried something I'd only read about, but never done, dream readings. Angels used to do dream readings to interpret what they saw in them or ease someone's nightmares or minds. I didn't know anything as fancy as that, and even if I had; I doubt I could have pulled it off. All I did was get a scrambled image of this thoughts, the things he saw and heard.

I watched people, Aurors I could sense he had known, dying, falling from both death curses and bleeding wounds. I saw his mother, blood-soaked and battle-weary, being helped and held by someone who only could have been James's father. (The messy brown-black hair was a dead give away.) I felt James's pain as he saw a scrambled and swimming mix of images, sinking in mud as he tried to run. His four legs slid and…wait, what was James doing with four legs and no arms. I couldn't, for the life of me, have told you what James was. I was in too much of a panic. But he sure as hell wasn't human. I felt his own pain and fear as he tried to run, and saw the final image with a sickening clarity I hadn't had with the others. It was my own face, sneering at me. (Or him, rather.) Soon I was lost in his mind, and stuck no matter how hard I tried to pull out.

We regret to inform you Mrs. Potter's funeral…”Daddy, I thought you stopped drinking”…Mom…”Don't tell Sirius about your father's problems, honey. He could lose his job, and that's not something else you have to burden the poor boy with, he has it worse”…”Everyone et out, Hogsmade's under attack…A man was carrying a woman's body off of a grey and bleak battle field…”I wouldn't go out with you if it were a choice between you and the giant squid!”…

I pulled away at that last shouted image, the one of Snape and myself. Things were getting really out of control. And what was that about Potter being an animal? Because when I had been inside his head, that was how it had been. He'd had four legs and something heavy on his head.

I didn't wake him up. Somehow, I just tried to comfort him, rushing to get a wet washcloth and fussing over him. Eventually he stopped twisting in the cloak and his shakes were reduced to shivers and shudders. (So many s's.) I left Potter there, unsure of what else to do, as the sun came up. Knowing he'd wake up soon, I went to up the stairs and to bed. I had no lessons today, thank god. I hadn't had a decent night of sleep for two days now. Even if I had, I think I would've done exactly what I did. I went upstairs and fell asleep.

Sirius-

James hadn't been in his bed when I'd woken up. I knew nothing was wrong, because I would've felt it. James and I have a connection like that. I'd known something was wrong when his mother had… well, you know. Not because he was missing, but because you have this feeling in the pit of your stomach. Remus had it too, but I can't say Peter did. Then again, that didn't surprise me. Peter's pretty un-sensitive.

James was stretching out on the couch in the common room when I came down. Remus and Peter were still asleep, but I'd heard James get up last night. I'd been closer to Miss. Harriet that my own mother, had even been told I could call her `mum'. I never had though. Now I regretted it.

I sat down next to James, unsure of what to do. “Did you put this here?” He asked, gesturing to a wet washcloth. I had to wonder why he would ask. I wouldn't have had the common sense to get a wet washcloth, and had had no reason to.

“No.”

“Oh. I suppose we should get ready. Funeral's today.”

“We.” As honored as I was, I wasn't sure I'd be able to go without crying. Trying to think up a good reason to avoid it, I said “they'll never let me in. I'm a black, remember?” But already I felt guilty for abandoning my friend to such a depression. It was like watching him hurt himself and not doing anything.

“You can go as Padfoot if you have to.” I mumbled in reply and went to get ready. A funeral. Great. Well, at least as Padfoot I'd be wearing black. The name really fits. We left about an hour later on the train, but ran into Snivellus on our way out.

“So, Potter. Heard your mudblood mother finally got what she had coming.”

“Shut it Severus. I'm not in the mood.” James replied, his face turned away. He didn't even stop, just continued out the front doors and to the train. We rode to the meeting place for those who lost loved ones in the Hogsmade battle in silence, James looking out the window and myself staring into space. Neither of us had anything to say.

I didn't know Snivellus had a first name.

Blackmail- yes, I'm once again bringing out the blackmail. Five reviews and I update! Seriously, I'll try to get the next chapter up within the week I get the five. (I've got a little more time now, for reasons I wish not to explain.) Again, even if I have five, all reviews are appreciated.

-padfoot_puppyeyes

10. Things done for friendship

AN- Alrighty, confession time. First off, I have only been to one funeral in my life, and it was for a great aunt I never had met, never even heard about. I was young and didn't really understand or, indeed, pay attention. I might need to ask ProngsGurl on this one, I'm sure she's been to one for someone in her family or another that she wasn't very close to, (god, Prongs, you do have an extended family so don't you dare whack me over the head when you read this, it's not my fault!) anyways, confession two is that while I began writing this the day after I got my fifth review, which wasn't until three days later, I have no idea when it will be posted. It all depends on whether I make it into the new `gifted art's' program for artists or not. If I do, I may need to submit more drawings and forms, and… it's complicated. But if I don't I should have loads more free time, to both work on finishing my novel, (last chapter to type,) and work on my fanfiction! Anyways, I have some reviewers to thank, but at the moment I am working on the computer in my room, and that one doesn't have the Internet. I only remember my most recent reviews, and apologize if things seem a little out-of-order, but assure you all that if you do review me, I will thank you before continuing. Anyways, here it goes…

Sweetkiwi456- hey, that's such a cool name, `the butterfly tattoo,' weird that another book has it, so yeah I guess you're back to square one. Good luck on that, and if you give me the theme for your book I may be able to come up with something. I'm not sure. Anyways, e-mail me sometime, my address is on my author info. And thank you, yes, you were the smart one, and I know how it feels to feel smart. (Wink)

ProngsGurl- thanks you for treating my reviews as a serious matter and no longer using them as a form or e-mail. Also, I didn't mean to use his last name, and I didn't, not really, he's `Burgen', not `burden!' yes, I'm positive, I saw it on the inside of his notebook. Get up your courage and ask him to the dance, before I have to do it for you, (and you know how I can get about these particular things!) anyways, I'm serious, he ahs to got or I'm not dancing with my `Evans' and I stand firm on the subject. Anyways, this thank you is really long, so good luck with Megan, she seems quite the handful, it's not fair that you say your parents always have you watch her and Pat, but I guess there's not very mush you can do, huh?

Fire Gazer- Yeah, Snape really is a git, especially in my story, but I really can't help it, I hate the guy! And I know, I guess maybe it's a little too sad, his mum dying, but the Evans problem will soon be taken care of, and the mother problem… well, some things can't be fixed, (but Padfoot's gonna try in this one. Oops, I gave something away.) And I really can't make James suicidal, I don't think portkey would've allowed it, or he probably would be. That's just the way the things I write turn up, dark.

JayaMoineMafloy- hey, I never knew what delurking meant, thank you for that little lesson. (Delurking…lurking… oh, I'll be using those two words so much now… smile) And I still love that name! The last line of that chapter came from the back of my mind, and weird stuff can come up from back there, I'm tellin' you weird stuff! But in the end the dark part of my head is usually right. (Scary, huh?)

Wanting an update- I feel so special, you've reviewed me two times in a row! That's so cool. And also, I know in the end they get together, (as does everyone else reading Harry Potter, so I sound like an idiot here,) but James may be a little reluctant now to open up, and Lily doesn't want to admit her feelings towards him and risk their unstable friendship, and… I just hope you're the patient type.

Anonymous- The title of my, (our, ProngsGurl helped write it) novel, it's called Wolf Magick, and well, we really don't have a publisher yet, but we've written it out and will be sending it out this summer, and you have no idea how much your review gave me the encouragement I needed to finish it, I was on the last chapter until recently, so thank you, just for showing an understanding and an interest-

Disclaimer- “It's mine, all mine, I now own Harry Potter.” No not really. Heaven forbid, I`d turn their world upside down, for one, Sirius would be alive, and-“

“We don't want to hear it anymore!”

“Yeah! This story is to focus on us, not you! Silencio!”

“Now back to the story about the handsome James Potter-”

“Careful, Prongs, you already have those infamous antlers, we wouldn't want your head getting any bigger!”

“Sod off Padfoot!”

(Sorry guys, I think those two cans of mountain dew, the first pop I've had in a while, is finally kicking in! caffeine!) Point behind this little skit is, I don't really own James, (at least not this one, there's one in our book, but they're different, that James is always trying to keep out of trouble but gets roped into it,) or Lily or Sirius. So no suing, I have no money. (Wow that was a long disclaimer!)

Sirius-

As rude as this is going to sound, I didn't even cry at the ceremony. Not because I wasn't saddened by James's mother's death, it was far from it! I was distraught. But dogs, thankfully, can't cry. So the most I did was whimper, and occasionally nudge James's limp hand with my cold wet nose to let him know I was there for him. He had a far-away look in his eyes, as though not really listening to a word said by each respectable speaker. Plus, he had that determined look in his hazel eyes, the one that said he was about to try his hardest to succeed in the impossible. I think this time it may have been avoiding tears, because he seemed almost calm the entire time. The only time I caught him in tears was when he went up to the casket to say goodbye. I didn't, first off because I couldn't in my animagus form, and secondly because I'm sure had I actually gain the courage to, upon peering into the casket, I would've lost any remaining strength. And James didn't need me crying all over him right now.

He spend only a moment up there, brushing a strand of amber hair from her face before returning to Sirius, and sitting down heavily on one of the many provided chairs. His face was a mask, but his eyes betrayed his emotions.

“The side of her head was scarred, but otherwise she looked like she was sleeping. Only something else was different. I think it may have been that she was actually resting this time. Before, as an auror, she was always a light sleeper, and always worried about something or another. I think now-“ His voice broke upon saying this, but he continued all the same, trying to get out what he seemed to think he had to. “Now, she seems at peace. “

The burial was of everyone who had died at Hogsmade, not just Miss Harriet, and it made me highly annoyed that the event wasn't more personal. There were so many there, and in front of so many, it became apparent that James wasn't going to cry. It was somewhat more frustrating by the fact that I couldn't talk to him in my animagus form, so comforting him wasn't really an option in my case. “They are planning on holding a little individual ceremony later on, but I don't want to be there for it Padfoot, I just want back at Hogwarts, before-“

“James, that you?” A croaky woman's voice asked, and both James and myself turned to see the intruder. “ Oh, sweetheart, some here.” She gave James a rib-breaking hug and started sobbing on his shoulder. Well, what could the poor bloke do other then comfort her when he himself needed to be comforted. Seeming to hear my thoughts, the woman said, “Oh, now here you are comforting me, when I came to help you get through this. Simply awful, Harriet was a wonderful woman. But at least she went without pain or suffering, I saw it myself hun.” James looked like he was about to punch the woman, and only being raised with such a rich family helped him to keep his dignity. I can remember being taught the same thing as a boy, even if my parents'…erm… taught the lesson a little differently. Anyways, James just gave her shoulder an awkward pet and stalked away, and I silently followed him.

“Quick death my- she's lying, I saw- I SAW HER GET HURT WITH MY OWN EYES! HONESTLY!” James looked closer to crying then I'd ever seen him, and I felt like crying myself. He had informed me the events leading up to his mother's death, the only one to get the full story out of him. I took in a shuddering breath, checked that no one was around when changed back into my animagus form, and walked with him onto the train.

“ She wasn't wearing her locket. The one I got her for her birthday. She must have lost it somewhere during the battle, because she'd never leave home, let alone to got on a mission, without it. Some death eater probably has it somewhere.” He whipped his eyes quickly on the back of his hand, bending down and pretending to tie his shoe. It hadn't been untied, and it was rather pointless. I noticed the tears anyways. If things kept going like this, James wouldn't ever recover.

Stupid trait of the dog. `Loyalty and friendship'. It's gotten me in so much trouble before now. Putting my head in my hands, I consider the possibilities of getting the locket back. I'd have to go back to the battlefield, search for Harriet's sent, and look for the silver metal despite the extremely slim odds of it being there. And I couldn't stop searching until I knew it was out of my reach. It would take endless hours of seeing blood, and provide a good chance of me getting caught. Great, just what I needed, a criminal record. Oh the things one does for friendship.

Lily-

James was actually at dinner that night. This time it was Sirius who was absent, which I thought was odd enough since James seemed to need some company right about now. Even his fan club had left him alone, at the moment unsure as to how to act around him. I pretty sure I had no idea how to act around him either. But he was just pushing his food around on his plate, and maybe it was guilt for beginning this, or possibly just sympathy, but I had to go and talk to him.

I don't think he even noticed me. Actually, I'm pretty sure he didn't even see my shadow, too caught up in his own thoughts to pay me any mind. And as selfish as this will sound, somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered a time when I had wished to god that Potter would no longer notice me. Now it seemed like it hurt to be ignored, and by James Potter of all people. How utterly ironic.

“ Hey.” I said it softly, but he still jumped about a foot in the air.

“ Oh, Lily. Hey. How'd the room work out for you?” Changing the subject. It was so James. But if that was the way he wanted it, then fine, I would work with him.

“Oh, it was great, thanks for showing it to me!” The enthusiasm in my voice didn't sound too fake, and I was rather proud of myself for keeping the attitude up around someone who made everyone within five feet of him fall into a depression. Still smiling, I noticed he was still frowning and pushing his food around on his plate. He really didn't want my sympathy right now, I could tell. He just needed people to treat him as they normally would. So instead of the usual `I'm sorry for your loss' comment, I used something he wasn't expecting. “So, you still up for teaching me transfiguration? Because we have the Newts in a couple of months, and I don't really feel ready.”

James actually gave a small smile, looked up at me, met my eyes, and said, “Fine then, the Owlry at seven?”

I had to smile back, proud of the small step I had made. Now that depression radar would only throw people three feet around him into a hole of despair. But at least the Marauders could keep him from doing anything too stupid.

Speaking of, where was Sirius Black when I actually needed him?

Sirius-

I really didn't want to be there. I mean really didn't want to be there. It was for my best friend. It was a fitting closure to his mother, to my adopted parent. It was being kind; doing what no one else would in their right minds do for anyone. But that didn't change the fact that I really really really didn't want to be there.

So why was I there? I kept trying to take my mind off of the place I was at, and find what I was looking for. At least there where no dead bodies littering the ground. Even the death eaters lost (there had barely been any death eater losses,) were buried. But there air was still reeking with blood, smelling as metallic as it tasted, and tainted with fear. The scent was bitter in my mouth, and strong enough to keep away every animal but the rats. Somehow I had a feeling that while Peter was one, (a rat that is) Moony wouldn't be able to stand it here with his attuned senses, and I knew that we wouldn't be back here anytime soon, and therefore had a less likely chance of getting caught.

I was in the part of Hogsmade that had once held the village's residence. Most of the brick homes had been magically burnt to ashes, but some still stood. Those were the ones I was afraid of going in. Because unlike the others, these ones still had the owner's belongings. And most of the owners were dead. Still, I went everywhere it appeared the battle had taken place, trying to find Harriet's scent under the ash, blood, and fear that lay thick over the village. One minute she had been there. The next she had appreated over to there, leaving no scent. One of the worst parts was probably when I had lost her scent completely, was searching for it, and accidentally found a little girl's doll's head, covered in soot. Another would have to be when I found he site James must have seen Harriet die, (I could tell from the blood that marked her scent, still staining the cobblestones) and the third is a debate between finding the place Prongs slipped, and knowing he could've been killed in such a battle, and seeing an empty crib. Because I had known a baby had died during the battle. I could already guess where the baby had slept.

But even with everything I saw, (and smelt) I couldn't seem to find the locket. I followed every instinct but in the end almost gave up, agreeing with James that there was a fairly good chance a death eater had it hidden somewhere, as one of his victims prized possessions. Then, I heard the laughing and sobbing of what could only be a man half drunk or half dead.

Sure enough, Mr. Potter was a little of both. Sitting on a crate in the alley by The Three Broomsticks, he was moping about how they had thrown him out and refused to serve him any more liquor when he had broken every glass he had taken a drink out of. (And some that he hadn't.) I really couldn't blame them, as I too would have thrown him out, and at the same time I couldn't be mad at John, (as he had insisted I call him when I refused to use the terms `dad',) who had every right to be upset. Still, if James got drunk every time he had gotten depressed this year, blimey, he'd be dead at the worst, stupid at the best.

Anyways, he was twirling his wife's locket between his fingers. I wanted to leave him alone, (the scent of blood was strong enough, overlain with the grief and fear, and I really didn't want to smell the liquor that came twice as strong,) but knew that the necklace didn't technically belong to my adopted father; it belonged to my best friend. Crawling up to the drunken man, (and trying so hard not to vomit and add to the already putrid odor,) I growled. He laughed.

“What do you want? Do you want something from me too? Everyone wants something from me…” He continued rambling, and I ignored him, debating on what to do next. (And internally somewhat offended that I couldn't scare a drunken guy. Ah, well, I guess that's the way it goes.) Anyways, what I came up with was, If I could only change my fingers and leave the rest of my body looking like the grim, Mr. John would probably think himself that drunk and leave me alone. So I tried it.

I focused on transforming the tips of my fingers, the skin on the palm of my hand. It felt like very muscle, every tendon, every fur and hair was on fire. Even my claws, in the process of becoming fingernails, were shot through with a pulsing, stabbing pain. A normal transformation didn't hurt in the least, and almost felt natural to revert back to my animal self. But this, hanging in between creatures, was torture. The worst part was probably that I had to concentrate throughout the entire thing, and I have what muggle doctors like to call A.D.H.D., which stands for attention deficit hyperactive disorder. To me, it means my mind cant focus on only one subject for any longer than a moment. This made focusing on the half transformation through the pain difficult, but it was for James.

I could barely pull the locket, the charm on the silver necklace James had gotten for his mother, out of John's loose grip. But he was so out of it he didn't seem to notice someone stealing his wife's prized possession.

Racing into the forest, I became human and locked the locket around my neck and casually waltzed into Honeydukes, casually waiting until the owner was busy and then slipping behind the counter. I think she may have noticed me, but was so used to James, Remus, peter and myself entering and exiting her storeroom and store, even on days no other student entered the village. Glancing back, I caught her eye and winked, something I did every time. And like every other time, she blushed, and I smiled. We both knew that meant it was me, as I did it every time.

I walked out of that hellhole after all that time, grasping the locket. The things one does for friendship.

Lily-

When I stepped into the owlry, I was sure I'd taken a wrong turn. Sure there were the soft hoots that came from the rafters, but doves clung to the wooden frame, and James sat smiling for the first time in months. The floor was no longer made of creaky wood, but was covered in what appeared to be a soft grey flannel material, and candles were the only light illuminating the owlry, as there had always been, for Hogwarts didn't have any electricity. But just for a moment, in the dimming light and surrounded by doves, I could sort of see why all of the girls swooned at the sight of him.

Of course, they hadn't been lately. “Hey James.”

“Hey.” He said softly in reply, and waited for me to sit down. Pulling out my wand, I asked him about the doves, and listened to him explain. “Remember what I said about the whole basis behind transforming one animal into another?”

“What, that once you learn how to transform one animal, you can transform all animals into another one?”

“Yup, that'd be the one. We're going to test that theory tonight. Anyways, if you can do that, we move on to invertebrates, then onto transfiguring breakable objects into animals.” He was holding up his arm for a dove to land on, an odd look in his eyes that made them almost look like a tamed animal. Then, a moment later, the look was gone, but his eyes were brighter than they had been in months. It was almost as if he had a special connection to the animals, and I had passed it off the last few times as a very well trained owl and mouse. Maybe somehow he had trained the dove? I don't know.

We spent the next hour or two working on the movements of the wand, but never how the words were said. When I pointed this out to James (partly because I felt stupid compared to his knowledge and gift with transfiguration,) he simply said, “I don't believe magic works that way,” so softly, I could barely hear him.

I heard him but pretended that I hadn't. It didn't seem like something he'd meant for my ears, almost like it opened a wound on him, one that had yet to properly heal. We went through the lesson, then I went outside to think of how I would puzzle James Potter out.

To my wonder, not fifteen minutes after I had left the castle and sat down at the lake in my usual spot, a stag walked gracefully up to me, as though unsure but determined. I welcomed the animal, looking into its eyes and trying to send the message quietly through them. The stag seemed to understand.

We watched the stars for a while together, me talking, him listening, not that he could do much of anything else. “I don't know, I'm worried about a friend, who's… wow, I just called him my friend. I wonder when that happened?” It was amazing that he could stand my rambling, but he really didn't seem to mind. When I stood, carefully so as not to disturb him, he stood to, and looked at me carefully before turning away. Somehow, I felt much more relaxed then I had before. “Thank you.” My whisper was carried away on the wind. But from the look his soft hazel eyes gave me, I think he understood. “Friends?” I asked aloud. The stag actually pushed his nose in my outstretched palm. It was a new bond, one stronger than any I had ever really felt before, stronger than the one I had with Michelle or even my parents. It was a bond of love and friendship. Only at the time, I hadn't realized the bond was with a person, not an animal.

AN- Anyways, I now demand 7 reviews, or swear to god I WONT update! (Mwah hahaha!) But if I get those seven reviews, I promise to update within the next week, or the week of getting those seven. (Hey, I kept my promise last time, didn't I?) So right now we're at 50. Let's go for 57.

11. Old Self (a very long chapter)

AN- wow, that was so cool. That was like supply and demand, or demand and supply! I got seven reviews in one day. Not that this makes it easier, because it means I don't have as much time as I thought it did. But for seven reviews, it's so worth it.

I have my eighth grade graduation dance tonight, so it probably wont be finished until tomorrow. However, I always post reviews first. Therefore, it you review me one Saturday you may not be thanked in this chapter. I swear you will be in the next one, but right now I'm a smudge stressed. Anyways, I apologize ahead for anyone left out. Also, I will be incorporating at some pint in the next few chapters good old Voldie, through that bloody rat, Pettigrew's, point of view, and will also be throwing Lily's abilities into the mix. Now, for the special seven;

Anonymous- thanks; I really appreciate the support you gave through your review. I'm sorry about how long the updates can take, but I really am working on it now that I have more time. (For reasons still classified) and the point of views started out rough, but I think it evened out pretty nicely, thank you.

WilliamEP- only h/hr shipments? Now, where's the fun in that? But yeah, that's how I started out, with only one ship, (l/j) and now I read, (and for the most part, write) most of everything. Thanks so much for the support, I'm glad you started, and hopefully you won't stop soon.

JayaMioneDurron- Oh, god, I could die of embarrassment! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (well, you understand) sooo sorry for that grammatical error. I'm usually really careful about that, but I had to update fast. Oh, I'm really really sorry. And yeah, lurking can be annoying, when you see how many people read but don't review! Thanks so much, and where do you have your stories posted, I'd like to read some, even if they are on a different site. (I follow stories on all sorts of hp sites) And don't worry, the ending will be promised to be good. I always end it good, or at least satisfying, because my own depression ended so happily, so no need to worry about that… it'll just be rocky getting there. Really rocky.

Fire Gazer- yeah, always trust your first instinct, it's often the right one. Really, James may even think of checking into it, especially when things start getting out of control, but I guess he never follows through. (Sort of like this one boyfriend and friend I had that went behind my back and played the ever-fun game of date-and-ditch. He was my first and last too!) And yeah, I know the lake scene gives one a deja voo, but I have it all planned out, and that may be incorporated later in the story. Thanks again, I got two reviews from you in a row!

Sk8erWitch- Awesome name, this is the first I've seen of you. Were you lurking? (I picked the word up from JayaMioneDurron, and really wanted to use it.) Anyways, I have a whole bunch of thoughts on Lily and James, and this makes one think how little we know of them. Thank you so much for not bashing, reviewing, and complimenting all at once! Thank you thank you thank you.

jane- yeah, I knew a few people who were in depressions, or have depression, and I was once one of them I'm on medication for it right now, and was never suicidal or dangerous, jut never really happy. And you think this is bad, if you read my poems… you get the general idea. But thank you SO MUCH for the compliments and the review, and the comment on my, (ProngsGurl helped write it, is insisting we call it our) book. I loved all the smileys, they make me feel special, and if you want, or have any ideas, let me know and I'll gladly help you get accepted, no problem. E-mail me sometime if you'd like, I'll see what I can do with your ideas, just so you can give them enough form to get in, I'd like to read some of your stuff. If they really don't accept you here, try other sites to, I love the darkness, and you sound like you would write it well. I'll notify everyone when it's published, but it wont be until we can find a publisher, so I can't give an exact date. Thanks again, and I hope the friend you spoke of is all right.

sweetkiwi- you know, I've really gotten to get excited at your reviews, thanks for continuing to notify me of your story and your opinions of my own. I'm sorry that I haven't e-mailed you yet, I've been busy, my eighth grade dance is tonight, and I've stuff to do with my art, but I will sometime, promise. (Hey my last few promises have been kept, haven't they?) And yeah, I know I'm evil, but hey, we can be born that way. And now that you mention it, 50 reviews sounds good… never mind, I can hear you all groaning, I'll just make it ten. And that bit with Sirius was supposed to add some depth, as I realized I was going a little off course, so thank you for the comment on the locket, I was wondering what people thought o it, but you were the only one to mention it. So thank you, and hopefully I'll see you review this chapter too? I so love your reviews. And good luck with your exams, I know how that can be! Best of wishes!

Disclaimer- “Not again!”

“Don't worry, it wont be so long this time. I just wanted to say-“

“They get it, they get it, and you don't own any of us, even if our voices are in your head! There, now can you get on with the story? I don't want to hold this locket and see James depressed much longer.”

“Padfoot, none of us do. Learn some patience, please!”

“Fine.”

Also, my muse is STILL missing. If you find it, as described in earlier chapters, please return via e-mail or review.

Peter-

“You are most certain?”

“Yes, lord, positive. James Potter was the one you described to us, the one in your dreams. Lord, will you tell us what-“

“Enough, rat. What does this Potter look like?” I answered the best I could, which was actually really good, because I'd always envied James and his Quidditch-built body and delicate features. But still, his red eyes pierced into me. Honestly, who has red eyes? It only proved what everyone believed. You-know-who wasn't human, which meant I was taking the winning side. Dumbledore didn't have red eyes. Not that his stare wasn't as piercing, but really… blabbing again Wormtail. This is what James meant when he said I carried on and on when I'm nervous.

“Tan skin, messy black hair, thin but not too much so, hazel eyes?”

“No, it's not him. This child had dangerous green eyes and fair skin. Honestly, I don't see how you can even deem this worthless friend of your worthy of my time. There are no similarities.”

“But, Lord, there was the messy brown black hair.” I muttered, half wanting to be heard, half afraid to be. It was just, it really didn't seem very fair, calling James worthless. Then again, I'm supposed to be against him, maybe that's how they look at him. I know that's how I look at mudbloods. Are mudblood lovers just the same?

I said we're through rat, and you'd do well not to contradict me. We don't need more people, so I can do away with any extras.” For a moment I thought he meant to kill me, and was glad when he didn't. But that didn't mean Crucio didn't hurt. Because it did. A lot.

When we were finally through, I rushed back to the dorm. It was James's birthday tomorrow, and Padfoot had a surprise planned. If the dark lord didn't need James, surely he wouldn't kill him, and so I could attend the party without a trace of guilt. But the party was planned for that night, and I still had to get him a present.

Sirius-

”Do you think he'll mind that I kept it this long?” I asked, watching Moony as he ran his fingers over the silver locket I had kept for today. Moony paused in his examination, looking up at me with serious amber eyes.

“No, I think he'll be grateful he has it back. That took a lot of guts, going back there just for this. Where did you find it?”

Somehow, knowing Mr. Potter, it felt too personal telling moony that he'd been drinking, and I didn't feel very proud about how I'd had to trick him into giving me the locket. Instead, I replied “I took it off the streets.”

Moony was, and had always been, the only one to see though my lies, and even he believed. This time, I think that while he nodded in acceptance, and went back to the silver chain, he knew there was more than I was saying, and decided not to read between the lines.

“You can get a box for it in Hogsmade. You sure you don't mind going back?”

I wasn't sure, but nodded anyway, and scrambled up the stone steps to the boys dormitory, to find the invisibility cloak.

The party later would require food, drinks, pranks, decoration… the works. Stuff we could only get in Hogsmade, unless we went to Diagon Alley, but neither of us were stupid enough to create an un-authorized portkey, (at least, not again, we'd gotten caught last time) so Moony, Wormtail and myself had agreed to get Evans to keep Prongs out of the common room and away from any questions involving us long enough to buy and decorate everything we needed for later on tonight. She'd agreed easily, to my surprise, only after we promised that any trouble we'd gotten in wouldn't involve her. So now Moony and myself were waiting in the common room for Wormtail.

“Where is he?”

“Said he had something to do. But we can't wait much longer, really, or we won't get back soon enough to surprise him, he'll have to be back in the dorm for bed.” I didn't really mind Peter being late. To be perfectly honest, the thought of going back to the village horrified me. They had, in the last week, probably cleaned the street of the lot, and in the Profit I'd seen the ministry cleaning up the mess. But part of me didn't want to see that things had been changed since my last `visit' there so soon. It felt like they'd forgotten about everyone lost too quickly. On the other hand, I don't think I would've had the nerve to go back there at all if I'd known that things had stayed that same. That trip to Hogsmade still haunted my dreams, and the ashes had been making me sneeze black at last three days afterwards. They had kept the shops open, half because they needed the money for repairs, half for those who were cleaning up the other side of the village, which was good, because some of the things we needed could only be bought in one place.

I guess I must've had a dazed look on my face, because moony was waving his hand I front of my eyes. “Ready, Padfoot?”

“No,” I replied, knowing full well how weak my voice sounded, “But lets go anyway, we can't keep waiting for Wormtail.” Under the cloak in he event that James saw us, Moony and I left the portrait and then the school through that old witch's hump. The crawl seemed to take forever, even though I'm sure we only took a half-hour tops. The ringing silence actually gave me time to think over hat had happened, and what e had planned for tonight. Somehow, my mind wandered to Evans, and he smile that had crossed her face when we had told her what we had planned. She had insisted that she was only feeling guilty about James, but if I hadn't known any better, I would've thought she'd taken a fancy to him.

Wonder what she's doing to keep him busy.

Lily-

It wasn't too hard to keep James out of the dormitory; all I had to do was tell him Black was sick. He'd been avoiding all of his friends like the plague since his mother's death, and I was pretty sure he'd rather avoid Black the most of them all. Black seemed to have a knack for getting James (or anyone else,) to admit whatever was wrong, it was common knowledge. People pretty much avoided him if they wanted whatever was bothering them to stay a secret. I would know. It was one of the reasons I'd never taken the time to talk with him. I would have eventually admitted to being an angelious.

Anyways, the reason to keep James out of the dorm and common room also gave a good reason for Black to have missed Quidditch practice. Everyone but James knew the real reason Lupin and Black were missing, and while no one knew where exactly they'd go to get these things, (including me) right away everyone had agreed to keep it a secret, and help out wherever they were needed. And somehow, I had gotten sucked into it receiving, in Black's words, `he most important job of all, the job any girl would want'. Babysitting Potter. But I really didn't, to my surprise, mind that much. He was no longer hexing everyone who annoyed him, he didn't seem to hold a grudge against me, and he no longer would beg me to go out with him, or pull me into another prank. In a way, that took the `baby' part right out, and left me doing what I was. Sitting.

I was just watching the Gryffindor team, including James, practice, something I had never done, or planned to do, in my life. But they were interesting to watch passing the ball back and forth to each other, the dodging beaters, (or hitting them) and finally, leaving James to catch the snitch. He had used to play chaser, but this year had become the seeker for the team. When the original had had too low of grades to play they had needed a replacement, and as they could play one game without a chaser, but not without a seeker, Jams had switched positions for that one game. They had found no good seeker, but the choice in terms of chasers had been plenty, so James had just kept the position.

His reflexes were amazing. I had never seen anyone so at home on a broom, flying like it was where he belonged. And when he dove after the snitch, the look of joy on his face indicated that he was, for a moment, normal again. Well, as normal as James Potter could get. (Though I suppose that isn't really saying much for him.)

But something had changed when he flew this time. Not the fact that he was a seeker. Or the fact that he looked at home in the air. It had nothing to do with him, really.

It had everything to do with me. For some reason whenever he got to close to the ground, I gasped with the other members of the team. When he was hit with a bludger that Black would have normally blocked, I ran on the field with everyone else, worried that he wouldn't be all right. And when he caught the snitch in a total of five minutes, I clapped with everyone else, instead of thinking what an arrogant idiot he was. I hadn't noticed it, but I think somehow Potter had begun to matter to me. And that kind of scared me. Especially when Michelle pointed it out.

“You've been watching him with eagle eyes all morning, and he smiled when he saw you were here.”

“He knows I'm here?”

“You ran out onto the field to check on him, didn't you?” She said, raising an eyebrow. I felt the flush rise to my cheeks.

“I was just making sure he was alright. Black would've killed me if-“

“Don't bring Black into this, this is about you and James. I think you've taken a liking to him, now that you're giving him a chance, haven't you?”

I was somewhat afraid of how to answer. Michelle had always agreed with me about the marauders and what a pain they were, how they needed to deflated their heads. If I admitted that I looked at James as a friend, if I even admitted that I called him by his first name, she could go off on me. But I had never been one to hide the truth, especially not from my friends.

“So what if I like James as a friend. He's changed a lot since last year.” All right, maybe that was too much to tell Michelle at once, as I had used his first name, defended him and myself, and called him my friend

It didn't help that, as it was a cold morning and she'd been out with me watching the team, she'd been drinking butterbeer when I'd said it. She ended up spitting butterbeer down her front, the look on her face an amusing cross between amazement and concern.

“You-“ cough cough “feeling all right?”

I couldn't help but laugh. “Yeah, never better. You?”

“You're head over heels for Potter.” She said, a look of awe and wonder on her face, as she slowly started to smile.

“Am not! And quit calling him Potter, he said we should call him—“

“He said you should call him James.” Michelle debated. He had, just this morning before practice. He hadn't said anything to Michelle, but only because she hadn't been the one talking to him.

“Yeah, but you're going out with Remus, and I'm sure Remus would've wanted you to call him by his first name.” I watched in amusement as Michelle's face turned bright red, and wondered if I gave her the satisfaction

“I'm not-I mean- er- Remus and I aren't an- well, that was just one date!”

“So you aren't going again?” I'd won. We both knew she would, if he asked her. Before she could argue, (or admit defeat) James and the team came out of the locker rooms, James in the lead.

“Can I ask why, after seven years of avoiding myself and the team like the plague, you've decided to come watch us practice?”

Praying to god that I hadn't given myself away, I replied “well, you know, black told me to tell you about him being sick-“

“Which you did.”

“-And I had nothing better to do.” James just nodded, and to my surprise plopped down next to me. I saw the girls in the marauder's fan club, who attended every practice but had never gotten more than three words or a nod from James this year, sending me glares, and couldn't help but feel smug. “ I thought you didn't want to talk to anybody.” I said to keep up conversation.

“I didn't before, but now company would be nice, especially company that shows no pity, I've gotten enough of that.” He looked tired, and I knew last night had been another restless one for him. I'd found him on the common room couch. He'd been there three times in the last week, and had been there to comfort him every time, though he had no idea I had been. And every time I watched him pick up the wet rag in the morning and ask everybody who had left it there. But even though I did comfort him, I saw the dark shadows under his eyes as a sign that he hadn't had a restful sleep in that week. He looked skinnier than he sold, and it looked as if he hadn't been eating properly either.

“Do you have anything on you to eat? I missed breakfast, ad lunch isn't for anther few hours.” James smiled, and again he looked like he used to, a glint in his hazel eyes, the tired, mature look gone. Somehow I had the feeling I was about to be brought in on rule breaking.

“No. But I know where we can get some.”

“James Potter, if this involves breaking the rules, I think I can wait.” He tried to look hurt, (something he hadn't done all year, and I admit it made him cuter) but then smiled again mischievously.

“It doesn't, they never said we couldn't, we aren't past curfew, and they wont mind.”

“They?” He had already grabbed my hand in an effort to drag me towards the castle. We passed the weary team, who gave Michelle, who was following us, and us a look. It must have been amusing, seeing someone they assumed dated James, being dragged around by the person I supposedly loathed. But I let him drag me around, and through the grass up the stone steps, into the empty Great Hall.

“Hey, Michelle, are you coming?” James called out behind us. I saw Michelle smile, and give me a wink he missed before saying

“I don't think I can. I said I'd help Kate with something, and kind of have to go. Don't forget the prefect meeting tonight, both of you.” and with that, my friend walked adown the hall and away.

Yeah. My friend.

He pulled me through a door behind the head table that I hadn't seen until now. There was a long passageway, with many portraits and paintings.

He stopped in front of a painting of a fruit basket and tickled a giant pear, which giggled. The painting swung forward to reveal a door, where it appeared there was much hustling and bustling.

Small, strange creatures raced around, carrying trays of food and wearing rags for clothing. They had strange, bulb-like eyes and grey skin, only as tall as my knee.

“Mr. Prongs, sir. Hw can we helps you, sir and miss?” I looked at the creature, and then back at James, who was looking back at me.

“What are they?” I asked, caught by surprise. “Oh, I'm sorry, that sounded rude. But I've ever seen you, or anything like you.” To my surprise, the thing smiled up at me, not looking upset in the least.

“It's all right, Miss.'tis the pride of the house elf, not to be seen.” The creature smiled, and looked back up at James. “Mr. Prongs, where are other sirs, if you don't mind Knobby asking, sir.”

“Not at all, Knobby. Padfoot's sick, I'd assume they're with him.” James frowned. “Why?”

“Sick, sir?” the elf blinked innocently. “But they ordered food for tonight. Three other sirs did.” James frown deepened.

“Oh. Maybe they need it for a prank of some sort.” My mouth almost dropped open. Was it really that easy t pull the wool over James Potter's eyes? Apparently, at the time, it was. “So Lily, what did you want to eat?” I ordered something, then watched the elf scuffle about, saying something to another one. There had to be hundreds of `house elves' in there, all cooking or cleaning.

“What do they do?”

”Lily I thought you were smarter then that. Didn't you ever wonder who cleans and cooks for Hogwarts? I can assure you it's not the staff.” He and I both laughed at the thought of McGonagall dusting Gryffindor common room, and making the beds. `

“Mr. Prongs?” I questioned sardonically, knowing I had heard the name before. It was what the marauders called him.

“Yeah. They'll call anyone Mr. or miss, and I introduced myself by my nickname all those years ago.” He replied evenly, helping himself to a butterbeer offered by one of the elves on a tray. It appeared they had been here often.

“Where, pray tell, did you come up with the nickname Prongs?” I asked truly wondering.

James just smiled in reply and winked at me, hazel eyes glittering. “Sorry, as a Marauder I'm inclined to keep some of ours secrets, especially ones that aren't mine to tell.” I wondered, whose secret it wasn't if it wasn't his, but James never brought the subject back up, and I never broached the topic again. We took the offered food, and James took me to the room of requirement.

As he walled around three times outside the door, I wondered what he was asking for. When he opened the door, my mouth must have dropped into a comical shape as I heard my mouth let out a soft “Oh.”

Outside this morning the sky had been grey, looking like it would rain. As spring was coming, this wasn't surprising. But there was a dirt path, only a few feet away, until it stopped at a checkered blanket. He smiled, seeming to enjoy my surprise, and pulled me by the hand to the blanket.

Only somehow, this time when he grabbed my hand to pull m, I enjoyed it. Bloody Potter. I wasn't supposed to like him at all. And I certainly wasn't supposed to have my heart beat harder just because of a picnic blanket.

How much longer did Black expect me to hold out?

Sirius-

It didn't take long to collect the things we needed in Hogsmade, but the entire time I wanted out. Thankfully, we didn't have to buy anything from Honeydukes. I explained the situation to the shopkeeper, about how James had lost his mother and now it was his birthday. We told her about how James had been acting depressed, how he really needed this party. She agreed with us right away and gave us all of the necessary sweets, which we hid in the tunnel before continuing to the Three Broomsticks and Zonkos. Decorations were-er- `given' to us by the Zonko's advisor, who knew us well, considering that we provided the half of their business. When we were sure the decorations would provide no pranks on anyone, (they were apparently bought somewhere else) we left.

“He'll be happy.” Remus said dryly, noticing that we had more prank products then anything else, except perhaps sweets, which the Honeydukes owner had given us plenty of.

“Yeah, suppose so.” I replied dully, still slightly on edge as we walked under the invisibility cloak, through the crowd and back towards Honeydukes.

“You all right, mate?” He asked, sounding worried. I knew there was no color in my face but just nodded under the cloak. Remus patted my back sympathetically and kept moving.

In the common room, nearly everyone in Gryffindor was waiting for us to come back, and awaiting instructions. We watched them as they had hung up the decorations. We refrigerated the sweets and drinks, placing a charm on them, and watched the others place things were they needed to be. After a while we went and hid the things we wouldn't need yet. When Remus and I came back down, Michelle's smile brightened. Remus sped up down the last few steps. Pathetic.

“Aren't you and Evans supposed to be keeping prongs busy?” It took her a minute to think of who Prongs was before saying,

“No, Lily is, and I think she's doing a good enough job by herself.” Her smile suggested that there was more to the words than what was heard.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” Michelle replied innocently, tearing her eyes from Moony long enough to give me that demon smile. “She just looked pretty happy to have James holding her hand.”

“Holding her hand?” I asked, while Remus said “James?”

“Yeah, he's showing her where to get something to eat. And she told me to call him James.”

“So are they there now?” I asked as casually as possible, knowing full well that I sounded over excited. “ Eating out somewhere? Together?”

“I would assume so.” She replied happily. “James was smiling fully for the first time in a while. And I mean actually smiling.” Slowly, I felt a grin spread across my face.

“So he was happy?”

“Looked like it.” She replied, mirroring my smile.

“Brilliant. God, sometimes I love Evans.”

“Don't let James hear you say that.” Remus said smirking. I laughed, along with just about everyone else. Only the fan club frowned, not liking the fact that James liked anyone other than them. “Alright. Now all we have to do is find Prongs and Evans.” I pulled out the map and scanned it, noticing that Prongs and `Lily' were no longer in the kitchens and had moved on to the `room of requirement', as the house elves had called it. Now what were they doing in there?

Lily-

He hadn't done anything other than drink a little butterbeer, and listen to me talk. To my surprise, he was actually good at listening, and we had somehow gotten on the topic of my sister. “Yeah, if she were hurt for everytime she says the word `freak' in one day, she'd be dead by tomorrow.” James laughed, taking another swig off butterbeer.

“So, er- who's the freak again?” I laughed, but noted that he hadn't eaten anything. “Sounds like Sirius and I will have to visit her at her wedding. I already have my apparating license.”

I laughed at the image of James apperating on top of my sister's beautiful white wedding cake. Married or not, I didn't plan on attending, but if James would do that… Then, I noted that while we had plenty of extra food, he hadn't touched it, and asked as subtly as I could, “are you going to eat anything?”

“Oh, no, I had a big breakfast.” Liar. Everyone knows James doesn't eat breakfast before Quidditch practice. Never has, never will, whether it was breakfast lunch or dinner. But I didn't say anything on the matter, knowing it wouldn't do any good.

“So, how'd you figure out you were an angelious?” surprised, I told him of my accidents with wandless magic. He laughed at all the right places, frowned with me, was sympathetic when needed, and never interrupted.

After we had eaten, we skipped dinner (much to my dismay, he still hadn't eaten.) and headed out towards the grounds, to walk around the lake and talk some more. When I ran out of things to say about me, I asked him about himself.

“Yeah, well, my mum just passed away, but before, she was wonderful. Dad and her were both aurors, so will I be when I get out of here.” He looked sad, talking about his mother, and I changed the topic.

“So what about Sirius? I mean, the two of you were playing pranks on the express in first year, before you even met Remus. Can I guess you've known him a while?” I watched, as a wolfish smile crossed is face.

“Yeah, we met in a ledge for Quidditch, for kids who weren't old enough to go to school yet. At first we hated each other. Noh of us were purebloods, both of us were equally good at Quidditch, and we continuously made each other the butt of the prank or joke.”

“So how'd you become friends?” I couldn't imagine them hating each other, but then, they were so alike it made sense.

“Well, we were eight by then. But the coach treated everyone one the team as if we should be professional. So Sirius and I agreed to team up once to pull off the Grande prank at the last game, instead of pulling the joke on each other. It worked, naturally, and so when we left we kept in touch half as friends and half to show the other that we were the dominant ones.” There was hesitancy in his voice and I could tell there was more to the story.

“And.” I prompted, already amused by the first half. His smile dropped slightly.

“Oh, well, Sirius's parents and my on didn't exactly get along.”

“How so?”

“They were extremists on the whole pure-blood issue, and my parents weren't. It was like pairing a Slytherin with a Gryffindor. With Sirius, he was the same until he met my mum. She treated him like her own son, and he didn't know she was a muggleborn then. So I wasn't really a pureblood, I just had two magical parents. At the time, I didn't really see the difference. When Sirius's mom was criticizing mine, good `ol Padfoot stood up for her and me. I guess that's where the trouble started. But it wasn't so bad until last year. He was through with the whole pureblood thing, and guess things got out of control when Voldemort's asked Sirius and Regulus, his little brother to join. Sirius ended up leaving home completely, and he doesn't plan on going back.”

“Oh. I guess a lot's changed then.” I couldn't imagine the Potters having to put up with James and Sirius all summer, together. How did their house stay up?

“No not really. We're both spent the whole summer debating on who the superior one was.”

“So who won?”

“I did!” James said, just as Sirius black jogged up saying the same thing at the same time, though with less breath. “James, we have to talk.”

I knew exactly what he was going to say, or thought I did. “It's time for the annual spring prank.' He replied. James face fell, and I realized he must've thought we'd forgotten his birthday.

“Yeah, aren't you sick?”

“Sick?” Sirius met my eyes for a second before saying, “uh, yeah, that was a ruse for the prank.”

“Oh. You could've asked me.” James smiled, but it was a sad one.

“Nah, we just knew you wouldn't want to join in, you haven't pulled a prank anyone since the beginning of the year.” James looked hurt, and asked

“Are you forgetting anything?”

“Nope. Prank's all set up, and everything's in place.” I watched James face sink.

“Okay. What do you want me to do?”

“Just watch and enjoy yourself. You aren't allowed to punish us just because you're Head Boy. That goes for you to, Evans.” Black replied with ease, pulling a weary James through the grass and towards the hall. By now the sun had almost completely set, and the stars had started to come out.

“Who's the joke on this time??” James asked as we walked up to the portrait. Sirius was such a good liar, I almost believed the charade, and it was somewhat scary anyone could fib like that to their friend.

“This time-“ Sirius said, stopping to say the password before climbing in. “You are.”

Sirius-

I watched in pure amusement as a look of shock, then laughter lit up James face. Finally he was smiling. He had been when talking to Evans too I could see it. But right now he looked like his old self.

“Admit it. I got you.”

“Fine Padfoot, you won that round.” I watched as people came up to James, talking and teasing, and for just a while, James was his old self again, and everything was all right.

AN-I will continue the birthday party in the next chapter, but if it all went in one, this would be an extremely long chapter, and would take a while to update, and two the next one would be extremely short. So that was his day with Lily, and Sirius's idea as to how to sheep Prongs up and give him the locket all at once, though he hadn't given it to him yet. Also, it took me a few days to write this, and I'm not sure if it's entirely smooth. If it bothers you, don't flame me, I know, but I'm not perfect. And about the whole American speech thing, well, I'm not British, not matter how badly I want to be, so I can't perfectly imitate their language.

Blackmail- here, let's do this. I know you guys don't want to have to wait for ten reviews to come in, because that would annoy me too. I'm just looking for eight, but if I get ten, you get to choose what the upcoming chapter will include, besides the party. Just put the number with your review, and I'll see what I can do, (I have an idea for all of them, but your decision will plow the path for the future of this story.) so here are my ideas to add into the next chapter.

1. - Lily and Sirius have a talk about how Lily got James to smile, what happened between Sirius and his family from his point of view, and how Lily needs to `Fix him', though she insists she had nothing to do with him breaking this badly.

2. - Quidditch match. Is winning really everything?

3. - James has a talk with his father, and then Lily has a talk with her `stag'.

12. One Moment at a Time

AN- wow, I didn't really expect ten reviews. I really didn't! But ten reviews, without even adding ProngsGurl? MAGIC IS REAL! Okay, so I have some stuff to say here- first off, I don't expect people to really read these author's notes, or at least not everybody. Some of you I know do, because you mention them to me in your reviews. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that some of the stuff I let slip or hint at will happen, keep an eye out for it if you haven't already. Next off, I have several ideas which direction the story will go in, but I like to have a rough idea of what you, as a reader, want, what you're looking for. It's not totally about you, or me, it's about Lily and James and what ideas you have about how they came to be friends and more. So any input has been and will always be appreciated by me. Third, I have those ten (plus ProngsGurl) reviewers to thank.

Sweetkiwi456- I've added you to the spell check in my computer, because every time you review, I'll thank you, so I no longer need to ignore the red spots! I I'm hope you did alright on your exams, or will do alright, because as much as I enjoyed the dance and danced with everyone, I got to watch the one guy I like dance with another girl all night. But I got my one slow dance, so hey, I'm set! Anyways, I like the idea behind the butterfly `book' whichever title you choose to use! It sounds so good. And I'll have probably e-mailed you by tonight with the prologue and B.O.T.B. (back of the book,) by tonight, so look out for that. Anyways, what's thins about a hot guy… (Squeals and giggles.) Sounds more like James than Harry, Harry's kind of skinny, but did he have the messy black hair? Glasses? Oh, he sounds so hot, damn you're lucky, I've never seen anyone like Lily and James, and I kind of want to see both! Then I could describe them in more detail in my stories, (and se James *giggles*!) anyways, please keep reviewing me, I've gotten really attached to your reviews! And watch for that e-mail, it's coming soon!

Fire Gazer- yeah, I guess this chapter may be packed, it depends on how much time I have and what I have planned for the next chapter. I have to find a good breaking point in the idea I have, something to keep you reading but give you new ideas and thoughts. Also, the last chapter was kind of packed, but it related the events I needed to get out and probably kept you reading a little longer then usual, didn't it? Anyways, I go as fast as I can. But sometimes, depending on my muse, (bloody thing's hiding again, I'll just use his ideas from before) and how soon you all want the next update. Anyways, I think I'm officially blabbing now, so I'll just back off and let you read. Sorry about that, I tend to do it often.

loudmeggaphone- yeah, I wanted Lily to like James for the James the marauders know, as to the arrogant prat he reveals himself to be in the fifth book. You can tell he has human emotions though, because of how hurt he seemed at Lily rejecting him. That was where the idea originated from anyways. And I wonder if she's really realizing what she can really do for him yet… bloody hell, I just gave something else away. Okay, you can forget that, can't you? (She winks) but yes, only she has that impact on James, and yeah, that was really quick of you to catch n to my idea so quickly. I was going to have her talk about her `James problems' today. Smart...smart.

alinyat- I know it's kind of pathetic that he's smiling because of a girl, but I've done that before. It can just take one comment to make someone's day, particularly if that comment comes from that you-know-who, (no I don't mean good old Voldie yet) and I think after being rejected that many times, it'd feel good to have a compliment from her. Anyways, I think James point of views are pretty difficult, because his actions are so strange and random he's hard to figure out… at least to anyone but his creator. And there is no bloody way you can get too into James and Lily! No bloody way!

Sk8er Witch- no worries, no worries, I wasn't accusing you of being a lurker, I can totally relate! And I haven't had very much time to read other fanfics, but I think after reading the summary of Twist of Fate I may start. It sounded good! And I know how the whole brit thing can be. I always say `bloody', bugger off' and brilliant, just brilliant.' (Note sarcasm to last comment) but my friends all think it's weird when, instead of cussing, I go and talk like someone from England. I blame Harry potter, and they just roll their eyes. All right, I'm done rattling. But I have to tell you, I don't watch Buffy, but love Angel, so again I relate to you. Thanks for the review!

Anonymous- see, it just takes one comment from a stranger to keep me going and brighten my day! Thank you! And no, did I ever say Gryffindor wouldn't win?… but what if Gryffindor lost? Food for thought…

yekwah- JANE! Good to see you again! Well, hear from you really, I don't exactly see you, but whatever. Anyways, wow I feel so honored, this is going to sound stupid but whenever I get a review with a name, I check into their stories and-or favorites. Whenever I see one of my fanfics on there, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside! And you were one of the few to give me an impute as to what you want next, so I think I'll take you up on it! (I liked those ideas better anyways; I'm not very good at writing Quidditch) Lily will find out, eventually, but not soon. The talk will be today. Maybe. I don't know which talk will come first. But, as the title indicates, there will be very much talking. Good for you for becoming a member of Portkey! Congrates and kudos!

JayaMioneDurron- thanks, but I love the last name, I'm sticking to it. Yeah, it was kind of fun writing the old James, because he's such a fun character to write, and maybe now that I've experimented with it, you'll see more of the old James Potter. I'm not really sure yet. I've never had a surprise party for m before, I've only been to them, but they're always so fun to write, and it's just about the only reason I can think of that would give Lily an excuse to spend the day with James (she wanted to anyway). Thanks for the praise,

Thumbs-up-anonymous- thanks, I can promise you eventually Lily will realize that she likes James, because if she didn't… well, we wouldn't have Harry Potter. But like I've said before… it could take a while. James likes to make things difficult, especially when it comes to Lily Evans.

PurplePasties1985- I'm honored to have become one of your favorites. Like I wrote before, I really do check the origins of all of my reviewers, to see what they like and have written, and if I'm in there as a favorite, selfish though it may sound. I hope this chapter keeps everyone happy, but especially you, because you actually said I was doing a wonderful job, and I haven't been told I'm wonderful for a while now. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

ProngsGurl- YES you must continue putting the girl in your name it tells everyone that you aren't really Prongs. And I know you want your picture back, but he's making copies, so at least you know that he cares. Wonder where he's making the copies. Oh well, don't you just love me because I got him to get his picture with you in the first place. AND DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHINGTO SAY ON THE STORY? I mean, you said it wasn't e-mail, yet you gave me neither criticism nor credit. AND YOU TRY TYPING JAMES THAT BLOODY MUCH!

Disclaimer- here we go again. If someone sues me, I'm blaming my bloody muse he started it!

James-

It had only just dawned on me how many people were in Gryffindor. The common room was filled to the brim with people on the stairs, even on the chairs, anywhere they could to get a spot. The table was piled high firewhiskey, and various sweets. Confetti came down in endless quantities, magically dissolving before hitting the floor, and streamers in the Gryffindor colors were shining and hung everywhere, decoratively hung about the ceiling and walls. A Gryffindor lion was painted on the far wall which I assumed would magically dissolve or wash away later, and various pictures of the Marauders and myself hung all over the walls smiling back at me. There was silence for a moment, everyone looking at me nervously. Alright, I admit I had been prone to bowing up in previous occasions where the prank had been pulled on me, or someone had kept something from me, (I had gotten in a nasty fist fight with Remus when we figured out the truth, because I had a firm belief friends shouldn't hide things from friends,) but I just laughed off the eerie silence and asked, confused

“When…Where? No, scratch that, how?” Sirius laughed and said

“Well it was planned a while to go on, but… you know me, I procrastinate.”

I laughed for the second time in the last few minutes as Sirius slung an arm around my shoulders. “We owe Lily flower here. Without her, you would've heard us because you would've been sulking in the dorm all day. So thank the flower-“

“Sirius…” Lily growled in warning, her green eyes flashing. She didn't have to finish Sirius got the message and shut up. Never anger a red head. She smiled at me, shocking the rest of Gryffindor, who didn't know about our newfound acceptance towards each other.

“Besides, I didn't really mind that much.” Remus laughed but Sirius said matter-of-factly,

“Lily I do believe you owe that giant squid a date. You also have to go into the Forbidden Forest alone all night, sleeping the Shrieking Shack-“ I swallowed, remembering all of the many different things she had said in rejection in the years prior, things she would do before dating me. Before they had hurt, but now Sirius had made them comical. Lily, however turned as red if not redder than, her hair and said in a more menacing tone

“Black.” It took one word to shut Sirius up and only the look on her flushed face to make me laugh again. This promised to be an interesting night.

Sirius-

Three laughs in fifteen minutes. I could see Remus adding them up too, and knew he'd actually enjoy tonight. Both of us were watching James laughing, dancing (on the table) with anyone who asked, and eating more than I had originally believed was humanly possible. He was like a human vacuum cleaner, just eating and eating. Though no one seemed to think this disgusting, and Evans even seemed pleased he was eating again. Everyone who had sat anywhere near him in the last few months at dinner, (and as we are very popular, any who want to sit near us, but instead watch from a distance, had noticed James's rapidly declining diet.

Anyways, we actually had Leonardo, who went by Leo, in sixth year play d.j. For a night. Peter was supposed to have done it, as he simply refused to dance, but when he'd come in, he'd looked warn and had been shaking. There was diffidently something going on, and I had to wonder if it had anything to do with his parents. A mysterious Death Eater had killed his father over the summer, and I had a feeling he was fighting the dark side vehemently, just in his own cowardly way. Anyways, he had left the poorly wrapped present on the table, (though it was now on the floor, as the table had been cleared off from James feet) and had slumped slowly up to bed.

There was no one in Gryffindor that didn't like us anymore. The only one had ever been Evans and her friend, and James seemed to have taken care of that. No one ran to McGonagall, and if anyone had, Lily insists it wouldn't have helped. She said this as we watched James and Amanda from the Quidditch team dance around dangerously.

“So she couldn't hear, even if she wanted to?”

“Nope. Someone must have put a silencing charm on all of them. They didn't seem to be able to hear a thing.”

“And you know this because…”

“Well…er…”

“It'd take quite a bit of complex charms to pull a stunt like that one. That's above NEWT level, I can tell. “ I waited for her reaction. She didn't reply, which didn't surprise me. “Well, I can't say I don't appreciate it, but I think James and myself are a bad influence on you.”

“Black, you couldn't influence me if you tried, so don't even get yourself started. If either of you have anything to do with my decision, it would be James. He needed it, but don't think I'll do it every time.” I nodded abruptly; the two of us standing in silence in the noise, watching the scene play out around us. “He's doing better.” She said happily, sighing. I couldn't keep myself from smirking. She almost looked wistful, then glanced at me.

“Black. Er-it may be a sensitive topic. But James was talking about how the two of you met, and-“

I smiled slightly, amused but how uncomfortable she was. I had always disliked Evans because she had disliked Prongs. They may have sorted things out amongst themselves, but I had unfinished revenge for all the times she turned me in. it wasn't as good as getting Evans in detention, but I'd play with her and make it amusing. “Evans get it out.”

Lily frowned. :”You know I heard.” She said. Bloody Hell, she was good at reading people.

“Yeah. You did really think I'd let you walk around with my best friend talking about me.”

“How did you know?” I didn't want to say anything about my limited training in legimency, because I had used it to get into their minds when I had locked them in the room together Christmas Eve. Instead, I just said

“I know things.” She nodded in acceptance and said

“So.. What happened?” I let the silence hang in the air for a moment, considering my words carefully. I didn't want to bring up Regulus, or mother. Both still made my blood boil. Instead I said,

“I was stuck believing pureblood should be the only blood. Then I met James and his family. They got me out of it.” I decided to change the topic. Evans didn't needed to hear my family problems except for the one going on now. “Lily.” I said her name, and she knew I was serious. (No pun intended.) “Look, that's what happened, James is my family now, and I really don't want to lose that. I saw you two today, or at least for part of the time. James was smiling. He was laughing. Evans- I mean Lily, sorry old habits die-hard. Let me get my point across. FIX HIM!”

“I DIDN'T BREAK HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!” Lily hollered back, annoyed. The room went silent. I hid my smile. That was guilt talking. People didn't wait long to scream and dance again, but Evans out burst had given me my amusement for the week.

“Relax, Evans, I'm not saying you broke him. It was a lot of pressure to put on anyone. But I don't care what you do just fix him! I saw you do it today, I saw you make him laugh. Think you can do it again?”

“Not if I try.” She said sounding unsure.

“Then don't.” I smirked. “ Hey look, it looks like Leo put on a slow song. Dance with him.” And with that I dragged the struggling lily across the littered floor and towards Prongs, who was watching us with the light in his eyes, the one that had been missing since his mother's death.

“Padfoot, can I ask you what you're doing?”

“You can ask, but it wont get you anywhere. You are going to dance with Evans to thank her for today. And no one-“ I stopped for a moment top push Evans forward, and let Prongs help her onto the table, “is going to stop you.”

“You don't mind?” He asked. Lily gave a small smile and shook her head, her red hair, (purposely, I think) flying in the air, actually making her look more beautiful. It only reminded me why James liked her so much. And, to my surprise, she actually accepted his hand and stood up on the table, slow dancing closely with James Potter, her all-time enemy. The silence in the room was deafening.

It was silent until I started laughing. Then it was pretty loud.

Lily-

What am I doing, what am I doing what am I doing… I couldn't think of anything else while we were dancing. I couldn't even think of anything else when I took his hand and stood up on the table with him. The question wasn't `what am I doing,' or even `what am I thinking,' it's `am I even thinking'? At the moment, I really didn't want to. The logical part of me said that the charm might wear off. That I shouldn't be dancing with anyone on a table, much less James Potter, who this time last year I hated with a passion. When had I stopped hating him?

It was while we were dancing, the room was staring and Black was laughing that I realized I hadn't ever hated him, because I hadn't ever known him, at least not this side of him. It was something I'd never thought of before, but had he acted like this around me before I would've accepted his offer years ago, stupid as that sounds. So while to me he showed himself to be an arrogant prat, the Marauders and other knew who he truly was, and that was why they always defended him.

So why had he acted differently around me in the first place? Idiot. I mentally berated myself. He liked you. He was just trying to show of, what'd you expect him to do? But what had changed now?

He didn't like me now as anything more then a friend, which meant he could act normal around me. I bit my lip, realizing that while James had lost his feelings for me, I'd gotten those feelings for him. I've used this phrase so many times over the years it feels natural, but never for this reason. Bloody Potter.

Maybe you've just had one sip too many of that watered down firewhiskey. But I hadn't had a drink of firewhiskey that night. The fact was, I was in love with-

Nope. No, not yet, I'm not even going to go there. He has loads of secrets, But doesn't everyone? A cocky attitude, not anymore and… oh, bloody hell. I'd forgotten at least half of the reasons I'd always said no.

He was playing absently with a piece of my hair, and for the first time in my life I wished it where a different color, blond, or brown, anything but red. Red is so weird. (I'm sorry, but I had to put that in. my Lily is always so confident, and sometimes every girl lacks confidence when it comes to a guy she likes.) But he tugged on the ends of that piece without even seeming to think about it.

I saw the marauder's fan club watching our every move with beady eyes. At least, James's section of the marauder's fan club. Sirius's was dancing with him, one at a time. I smiled at their star struck expressions, and how Sirius seemed to enjoy playing around with them. “You look a lot prettier when you smile.” James voice said in my ear. Yes, he was diffidently back to his old self, saying something like that. And I found I didn't mind one bit. I let him continue whispering in my ear, the music in the background. “I used to pull all those pranks hoping to get you to laugh or smile, or notice me.” Oh, I'd noticed him all right. I was noticing him right now. “It's good to see you smile” He had no idea how badly I wanted him to smile.

He pulled me away at arms length, his eyes searching mine, questioning. I couldn't help it; I started to lean in towards him when-

“James! Are you going to open your presents?” the music had stopped, the moment was lost, and I had no idea how strange I must look, standing on the mahogany table with James Potter. James's hazel eyes reached inside me one more time before he pulled away and said “Yeah. I'm coming.” I just stood on the table a moment longer until he offered his hand and helped me down, then thanked me for dancing with him. He hadn't thanked any of the other girls! Why did I have to be different? (Smile, I love torturing Lily!)

Sirius-

“James, are you going to come open your presents?” I heard Mandy call, and silently cursed her. No, I'd deal with Mandy later; I had to get the locket now. As I raced up to the dorm to get the locket, (I had known if it was a party in the Gryffindor common room, keeping anything valuable within the room was a bad idea. And the locket was priceless.) I thought about how happy James had seemed just a second ago. He would still be smiling, but the light in his eyes had never been as intense as it had been that moment. Mandy, James number one fan must have seen it too. How close Lily and James were. When had they gotten so close in terms of relationship? That night I had locked them in the stone room on Christmas, because they had both simultaneously decided to kill me? Or the lessons? I shook my head quietly, grabbed the box and raced down the stone steps again. This would have to be properly thought over later. But this bond was by far deeper than a crush. It had to be.

I watched as James opened one present at a time, thanking everyone individually, and smiling all the while. You could tell he found the girl's presents amusing. Things like ties, hair gel and cologne that we both knew he'd never use. Remus gave him a bag full of pranks, a photo album of us, and a painting I could bet he hadn't been able to pass up. James, it seemed, wouldn't have been able to anymore than Remus or myself. A stag stood in the forest, looking towards the artist. What looked like two wolves where howling at a full moon…but one of them was black and slightly bigger, like my animagus form. There was no rat as far as I could see, but somehow it felt right. We all made eye contact and a light of understanding passed between us. We were there for him if he needed us. I think now he actually knew it.

That was the problem with James. He always felt he had to be the strong one, the one to get us all through together. He was like the glue. He was like the rock. He was supposed to be the one who didn't need us, we needed him. I think somehow that moment made him realize it. He continued to open presents and I let him. I didn't mention that mine was in my hand until he smiled at the last person, which was a good hour and a half later. It was only then I mutely handed him the silver box had bought to hold the locket in in Hogsmade. He saw it, looked back up at me, as though for permission, before slowly opening the lid. His eyes widened slightly, and his lips parted as though he wanted to say something but couldn't think of what to say.

“I thought you might want that back.” Hs eyes met mine for the second time that night. They were distinctly red, glassy, and happy, but at the same time sad.

“But… I though it was lost.” Everyone had gone silent at the sight of the locket, and while none of the, save for Remus, knew the significance of the charm, I could hear his shaking deep voice easily.

“It was. Now it's found.” Great, the burning was in my throat and eyes too. He carefully, solemnly, undid the chain and put it on. His eyes said I would explain this cryptic comment later. Right now… he was just thankful he had it back, even if it meant his mother couldn't. The music came back on, and people began dancing again. The moment was lost, but not on James and myself. For us, the moment would be forever etched into our minds, along with all of the other memorable events we had been through together. We would get through this, one moment at a time.

Hey, guys. I'm so sorry, I thought I was going to have the idea of Prongs and Lily and their talk in this chapter, but I really want to update on purely the party and see what you think of that. Swear that ideas two and three from the last chapter will be in the next one. So sorry for any frustrations. But I have a lot to do, and everyone wants me to update now. I'm not too sure if I had put the talk in, what would have been in the next chapter. So this time I demand twelve, (mean, I know) and when I get them, see how quickly I update? They make me so much happier, and as son as I get y twelve, I swear I'll update!

13. I Lost

AN- Wow… I didn't get twelve, I GOT FOURTEEN! (Does really freaky victory dance sings a strange combination of songs, while brother inches away in fear. Jumps all over the house continuing this celebratory dance before settling back down at computer.) I started out with reviews from only my friends! Now I actually have wonderful, amazing people who review me EVERY CHAPTER! (Squeals in excitement while brother looks on in what can only be called fear.) Anyways, I'm so sorry this took so long to update, but my mom thought I was getting a tad bit obsessive, and these past few days have been nice, so I was locked out of the house when I wasn't in school to play. But I'm back now, and have lots of new ideas. So tell me what you think of this chapter, and here are those fourteen reviewers I have to thank!

Pokey- I haven't seen you before, are you new to Portkey? I completely agree with you, I simply love torturing Lily, and you'll see a lot of it in the next few chapters. She had no real reason to hate him, nor a right to judge him without knowing him. So there! Also, I got the whole `I like you but you don't like me, then I give up and suddenly you like me' thing from my own personal experiences in relationships, or what I hope will happen. I liked him, he flirted with my friend in front of me… yeah, you get the picture. Anyways, thanks for reviewing, and hopefully I'll hear from you again!

srpalmer- oh, I love leaving people wanting more! There will be fluffy moments, but I'm not sure what to make about what comes out here…it's all up to the stupid muse, whenever he decides to show up. Actually, he's been missing for a while… if you see him, please let me know, he's run off again. Thank you for reviewing, and hopefully I'll hear from you again?

Anonymous- I'm so glad you liked it! Hopefully this one will be just as good, and I'll try and hurry up with it, but it takes a lot longer than one would think, and I have so much to do… anyways, thank you for reviewing, and hopefully you'll review again.

PurplePasties1985- wow, you've reviewed me twice! Yeah, I don't know if Sirius would in reality do it, but in my story Sirius is a sweet, thoughtful, worried best friend, and he'd do it without thinking twice of what it could do to his reputation, so long as James gets better. More will come as soon as was possible, hopefully you think this one is good too! I'm glad to hear you're creating your own story it sounds really promising! Try to get one in for mother's day too, I'd really like to read it, and promise I'll review! Anyways, I can't believe you were really born on Harry and J.K.'s birthday! That rocks! My birthday is May 23rd! Honestly…well, at least it's coming up! Anyways, thanks!

Sk8er Witch- hey, I've heard from you THREE times1 so cool. And yeah, I guess when I demand I really do get what I'm after! Oh, that so boosts my ego, not that it really needs boosting! I feel so special; I've gotten one more review than was necessary! (Smiling so much my jaw hurts) I still love your name! I'm so glad you love it, I put a lot of time into it, and your review and opinion mean soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! (Jumps up and down all over again.) Can you please review me again, I really like hearing from you, and it makes me proud and keeps me writing.

loudmeggaphone- Hey, it was so great to hear from you again! Anyways, I love torturing people, whether it's Lily or my readers, so long as it makes you go “Oh!” (Smiles,) While everyone expected it, it was so fun to write and I had to add it in, you know me! Thanks for your compliments on the scenes involving the Marauders, I felt like they were really emotional scenes, and needed to be written properly to be appreciated, so I was really worried about whether or not I should write them at all. It felt good to know somebody really liked them, because when I re-read them I still wasn't sure whether to cut them out or not. Also, if there is yelling involved in any of their talks, it will be out of either necessity or amusement. (Example- “FIX HIM!” “I DON'T KNOW HOW!”) Anyways, I'll have to keep your review of what you're looking for in mind and add it to my writings, along with what my bloody muse leaves me with. And wow, I made someone else choked up… that's happened to me before, but I never knew I could do it to someone else! Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!!!!! Hopefully I'll hear from you again, and right now I'll stop babbling so you can read.

yekwah- Hey Jane! Great to hear from you again, I love people who review more than once! I'm not really sporty either, so I have no idea how this will turn out, but I'll try to have fun with it. And your question had better not be stupid, as I sent them e-mail about something similar! Anyways, all you do is put in a sample, or at least that's all I did when I didn't get a reply. I didn't even know then that there were other sites, and all I did was put in one of my ideas and what couple I wanted to do, though I suppose that was obvious. (L/J) Anyways, good luck on becoming a Portkey author, and I have no problem with giving out ideas if you need them, because some ideas I have I have no endings to. We'll se what becomes of you in the future, good luck!

lex- wow, you really like it? Hopefully you'll be as happy as last time, and now that I know who you are please sign your name every time! By the way, can I call you lex? Anyways, thanx for your review!

sweetkiwi456- did you get my e-mail? I'm honestly horrible about the computer. Anyways, the demands will expand until I no longer believe they can continue with feeding me reviews, because this way the lurkers will no longer lurk. Yeah, if you didn't get my e-mail, tell me, because I'll re-write everything to you later. But otherwise, it's nice to see you're still reviewing, and again, good luck with exams, and catching up. And you're on the Internet right now because you love it. What you love always overcomes what you hate! And am I really sweet? I feel really special! Seriously… you actually got me to smile wider and blush!

JayaMioneDurron- I have AOL, but I have to get msn. Still, I'll have it soon, as I need it to talk to my cousin. When I get it, I'll be sure to post it for everyone, but right now it's not really up yet. Still, see you soon? And hopefully you'll like the stag talk, I found it semi-amusing to write. Also, Lily doesn't have a plan! That's what makes it so much more amusing! Talk to you soon, and thanks for mot being mad about the name thing again, I'm really sorry about that!

Anonymous- you really think I'm talented? Wow… I'm bright red! Uh, I need a name so I know what to call you, and another review would be really nice, especially one as nice as yours! (Smiles) THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Anonymous- yeah, it's too bad the rating charts down, but thanx for the nine. I try to keep my readers reading, though I`m not sure what this chapter will do for you. And your review gave me enough to update, so thank you!

moony11- hey thanks! Wow, I've gotten only two people who complimented me one my writing abilities, and they were both in the last chapter, so that really means something to me! Thank you for your review, you have no idea how much that inspires me, and you were the one extra person that made me so excited! Anyways, again thank you, and hopefully I'll hear from you again!

Rodeochic122691- hey, I plan on e-mailing you because you asked, but I'm really bad with computers, and fear I may have screwed something up a little. Let me know if you received it, and if you didn't I'm sorry, but I'm trying! Thanks for the review and the compliment!

Disclaimer- I'm out of funny, sarcastic, or pointless comments on how ridiculous it is to say you aren't the author of the book. If you were, you wouldn't give all of your ideas to the public. So there.

James-

The party went on and on, people falling asleep in the common room, and more presents than I could have opened all night. Even Lily had gotten me something, although it was meant more to keep me out of trouble than anything else. Still, I had no idea, (and to this day have no idea) how she got a hold of it without stealing it, because stealing it alone from Madam Hooch's office was a real challenge!

It happened to be a snitch. A real, working snitch, like the ones we used in our games. This way I could still randomly toss it around, but unlike the other one I wouldn't serve detention for stealing it from Madam Hooch's offices.

Later that night I opened the box the snitch had come in and brought it out. In all honesty it was early morning, but the clean up had taken minutes with magic, and while everyone else was sleeping, I was awake with adrenaline. So I let it fly away for a while before catching it again. I hadn't done this in a while, as I had stopped stealing and `matured' but enjoyed it just as much. It was something to keep my hand. But like I said, I haven't done this in a while and it took some practice. So I was chasing the snitch around, afraid of losing it, (as stupid as it sounds, it was my first gift from the girl I'd been crushing on since third year, can you really blame me?) when I happened to se a lone figure out the window, sitting by the lake in the moonlight. I didn't need to see her face I knew that red hair. But what was Lily ding outside when she had went to bed hours ago? I watched her for a moment, my brain working. When she had turned me down at the start of term, it had seemed like that was as far as I'd be pushed. I avoided her, ignored her, and tried as hard as I could to dislike her.

It wasn't working. It really wasn't working. Because when I had danced with her tonight, it had started up all over again. I had started staring, and saying things I shouldn't have, or never meant to, or thought. But this time it had a different effect on her. Instead of making her hex me into next week and back, (she actually did that one, it was so cool!) she actually blushed! Blushed! I made lily Evans blush!

Bloody hell. What was I getting myself into?

Lily-

So now I knew what had happened. I had figured it all out. I had hated James because every time I saw him he was the center of trouble. But that, I realized, was because that was the only time I had had seen him. When he was causing trouble. When he wasn't I hadn't given him the time of the day. It didn't help that James had told me while dancing that he had only pulled these stunts to impress me.

I had left the party hours ago, but only so I could clear my head. Michelle was giving me a look, and when James had asked me to dance a fifth time I had agreed, then `went to bed.' Only I wasn't tired.

So I had broken my own enforced rules and placed myself under a complex charm involving invisibility, many tongue-twisting words, and a good deal of energy, which had mad me sleepier. But I was determined not to go to bed yet. I should've stayed invisible, all logic said the grounds weren't the safest place at night, and a Slytherin was bound to find me. But I had taken my place at the lake to look for the stag. I needed someone to talk to, Michelle was out cold, and James wasn't a very good option as he was what I wanted to talk to someone about. So somehow I had found myself sitting by the lake in the freezing cold night in my pajamas.

I was losing patience with myself. As bad as this is going to sound, I had actually expected the animal to come. I had snuck out, slipped past the teachers, and walked on the grounds, just to se an animal.

But the animal came. Slowly, as though not too sure I was here, it went from cantering across the lake shore to prancing, as though unsure of the ground, before stopping all together. It stood there, as though waiting for me too do something. It walked casually up to the lake and sat, a short distance away, ears swiveling to face me.

“Hey.” The stag cocked its magnificent head at me. Still, it didn't seem to mind human voice, or it would've run by now, right? “ Just need someone to listen… I don't have any pets, and everyone's asleep.” The stag kept looking at me, warm hazel eyes reflecting from the moonlight on the lake.

“I've just met someone I thought I knew a long time ago. As soon as he introduced himself, I hated him. He sounded so cocky and confident, and I could tell right away he was a pureblood, from how familiar he was with the wizarding world. His friends were the same, just as arrogant, and over the years I hated their group more and more, especially him. But regardless, he never gave up, and even though I hated him I admired that quality.” Now that I thought about it, it was true. “But I kept hating him and cursing him because I had sworn to myself I would defend the people he pulled the jokes on. And I guess in reality I was just as bad as he was, because I yelled at him for hexing the people that got on his nerves, but every time he annoyed me, I'd hexed him. And now, I'm pretty sure he's finally given up on me, which is what I'd thought I'd wanted, but now that it's actually happened… I think I want him to keep trying. Great, so I'm back were I started.”

I saw the lights in Hagrid the gamekeeper's cabin turn on, and realized that it must be around four in the morning, as that was when he started his runs. “Bloody- oh, I have to go…” I was pretty surprised to see the stag looking up at me in what could only be interoperated as understanding. Not wanting to lave the beautiful creature without a thank you and a goodbye, I leaned down and whispered to it “You remind me of that guy…” I think it tensed, but it must have been because I was whispering in its ear. Still, it let me put my hand on its neck. “You know, his nickname…oh, what was it? Prongs. I'll call you Prongs, because you listen to me complain as patiently as he did.” I stroked his head by his antlers thoughtfully. “Prongs… it suits you. Sorry I can't stay to see the sunset this time, but I'm tired. Goodnight.” I left, never noticing my hands brush against the silver charm hanging around the stag's neck. Maybe even if I had, I wouldn't have been able to connect the dots. But somehow it felt good to get my thoughts out to someone I knew couldn't tell anyone…to bad someone else overheard.

James-

You may ask how I ended up hearing the conversation between Lily and the stag. You may, but if you do, I have to say you're incredibly thick. Yeah, if you hadn't figured it out before, I was the stag Lily had confided in. But when I transformed back into my human form, I really didn't know what to make about what I had heard.

I sat there until Hagrid saw me, took a half-hour drilling me on what I was up to, tried to get me to talk about my mum, nearly force-fed me because of how un-naturally thin I had gotten, and finally let me go because he had been neglecting his duties for at least an hour.

I had a Quidditch game that day. Of all the days to have a game… why did it have to be today? While I felt a little better, I still hadn't eaten properly in a while, and I think now that I didn't know what to do but was no longer feeling completely worthless, the hunger was starting to kick in. So I was dizzy from hunger and my mind was reeling from what I had just heard.

“Prongs! Where have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere!” Padfoot drifted off. I had known I looked pretty bad, and I had gotten used to the worried look on Sirius's face, but at the moment I really could have cared less.

“What?”

“Um… hey, are you sure you don't want to sit this one out?” He asked, his eyes looking me over once before meeting mine. I was little on-edge I guess, but still, his look got me angry.

“No, Padfoot. I can handle this.”

“But… the party didn't go that long… maybe you should rest.” He persisted. Unfortunately for him, I was in one of my moods, and Sirius had completely forgotten how I was when I was in one of my moods.

I probably should've lain down for a bit, but I was the Quidditch captain and was expected to test the field, get in an early practice, find the weaknesses of the other team…ect, ect. Anyways, in the end I ignored breakfast again and stood shakily with the rest of the team to the changing rooms for the game, already wanting to go to bed.

“Prongs, where have you been?” Moony asked as he neared the table. His smile faded as Peter said,

“Yeah, what's wrong, you look like you've just seen a…” He stopped himself, realizing the irony of his statement, but as my mother was a muggle-born and I had taken Muggle-studies, (until Padfoot and I had miss the OWL to play a prank on someone and gotten a T. Yes, there are actual T's, as both of us can attest to.) I knew where the sentence was going to finish, though I've never really understood what's so shocking or frightening about seeing a ghost. (Even the ones hell-bent on revenge amount to little more than your average poltergeist, and they aren't really that bad, if you know how to talk to them. Peeves is actually quite friendly, and will do any prank-related favor.)

“I didn't se it, I heard it, and it was much more frightening than any ghost.” Sirius gave me a look, and I met his blue eyes, shaking my head. We had learned how to talk without words early in our relationship, (back when we both had a distinct hatred for each other and could tell the other to watch their backs with a glare,) and his face said clearly that we would talk later.

As I geared up that evening, the changing room was silent, waiting for my mandatory pep talk. It wasn't coming, because in all honesty I was in no mood for even pretending to be cheerful. Instead silence reined and Padfoot broke the tension by whispering, “Prongs is a little touchy, it's that time of the month.” which earned him scowls from the girls and smirks from the boys. I ignored him, (or rather, put it off until later, when he could be properly embarrassed,) supposing that it was what one got for being Sirius Black's friend and something that broke the tension.

“Right, then.” I said aloud. “Good luck. I know we're far ahead, but that doesn't mind being cocky.”

“It's just a game against the Ravenclaws, James.” Sirius said, sulking.

“Didn't you say something similar the first time you went against me and my team, before?” James asked, smirking. They both knew how that game had ended up. Sirius had lost, back before they were at Hogwarts or even friends.

“Ah, sod off.” Padfoot replied, but I took that as a `you won'.

We entered the pitch to Remus's commentary, as his voice boomed over the stands announcing each of us in turn as well as the Ravenclaw team. It was a late game, sue to that fact that the first years had had flying lessons earlier that day, and the air was warm, which isn't very good if you haven't had a decent sleep in weeks and haven't eaten properly in months. I dragged my feet out with my broom onto the pitch, drowning out the meaningless drabble surrounding me. Ready at the whistle, the team and myself rocketed upward with the Ravenclaws in a blur of blue and scarlet.

It wasn't even really a competition; except for how determined the other team was to beat us. We hadn't lost since I'd become captain in fifth year, and while I had more important matters on my mind than Quidditch at the moment, I intended to keep my honor. Our chasers were so much faster, stronger from their physical training as well as their flying abilities. I had had them train like a muggle fitness trainer would have, as well as their flying. It kept us at the top.

Gryffindor; 175, Ravenclaw;0. I honestly almost felt bad for them. Mindlessly scanning for the snitch, I caught sight of a color I'd really rather avoid never seeing again. Sure enough, there sat a tired but happy Lily Evans in the stands, rooting Gryffindor on. She had never been to a game of our own before, but now she looked as spirited as ever, and it wasn't until Michelle pointed out my starting I realized I had lost focus, something that was deadly in Quidditch. She waved, and transfixed, I waved back, just as the Ravenclaw seeker, who was desperate to end the game so that Gryffindor would at least only earn 175 points and no more, made a rough dive and caught the snitch.

Gryffindor won. But for the first time in my memory of playing Quidditch, I lost.

Blackmail- I know it was short. And I know, you wanted me to write more after fourteen reviews. But this is all I have right now, for this chapter. If I went into what I want to do next it would involve a lot longer of a wait and many angry reviewers. So I am only demanding the number I got before, because now I know I can reach it. Can you guys pull off fourteen for me? If you can, I promise a really long werewolf chapter, in which we may learn what Lily thinks of werewolves. (I haven't decided yet.) Anyways, that's the set review rank. If I do not reach fourteen, I may update, I may not… if I do, it could take al summer… (Smiles evilly) tootles- (“Oh, hate that word…”)

14. To Become of Age and Letters.

AN- There is something everyone should know before this chapter. MY PARENTS ROCK AND ARE NOT BASED ON THE PARENTS IN THIS STORY! That was just incase anyone I know reads this and gets the wrong impression. I have a wonderful home life, aside from being rarely grounded or the average fight. SO DON'T THINK THIS IS A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE! Also, I've been thinking, and because a lot of reviews with those concerned about my grammar, I really need a beta, however no one I know is really willing, (and ProngsGurl, don't even offer, the last time you tried to proof-read something, it ended up quite the mess.) I was thinking if someone wouldn't mind, I could e-mail you the chapter, and maybe you could to a little check-over for me? This would mean it might take a while to update, so I really need patience. I plan to get that problem fixed. Anyways, if you like the story but your problem's the grammar, it's something I can fix. I just write for fun, (thus the reasoning behind writing on a non-profit organization,) but I realize that at some points it may become difficult to read. (Hey, I have gotten better from prior chapters, right… right?) Anyways, I have 20 REVIEWERS TO THANK!!!!!!!!!!!! (Does dance seen in prior author's notes.)

SamBoy- Yah, I know. I don't pay attention in English. But if you read on from the third chapter, I've gotten better.

Lex- call me whatever you want, really, even ppe. I'm so glad you liked it, because quite a few this time around didn't. And Gryffindor didn't lose. They won, 150 to 175. But James lost, in a sense that while the team won, Ravenclaw caught the snitch. He had nothing to do with them winning. Anyways, thanks so much for the encouragement! See you next chapter?

Pokey- it's nice to see a new face, especially a kind one! Anyways, H/Hr can be a little fun, but in the end we don't really know whether it will be them together or someone else. I like L/J because you know what happens…you just have no idea how they got there. It's fun to figure out the million different ways. And no problem for the thank-you's, I just didn't really review before, and now I know how it kind or feels not to get one, so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to write to me. And yeah, I like torturing Prongs, I like torturing Lily… wow, guess I'm pretty bad, huh? Hopefully this chapter will be a bit longer, but I wanted to do this part now. Thanks!

Muirnin- Ouch, that particular comment on why I write stings! I would get a beta, (and maybe still will, it depends on if anyone volunteers,) but everyone I know is fourteen or under, (no I don't even have any high school friends for next year. Isn't that sad?) But I didn't think it was so bad you couldn't read it, I'd actually thought my grammar might have slightly improved. I've learned from this story, and the reviews tell me what people think I need, what people don't understand, or why people dislike my work. If it were the grammar, GREAT, you'd make the perfect beta. If it's the plot line, don't bother and find another fanfic to read. I write for passion too, which is one of the reasons I need a beta; I write ignoring the rules, because in my mind writing is the only thing in which we can make the rules for ourselves. When I write, and I mean a story, a poem, or a song, it can't be forced, or it won't come out right. Thus the many rushed chapters. But I have an idea of what I want and how I'm going to get there, and that's what my writing is about, along with the reviews. I'm thirteen. And I'm learning still. But I write because writing is my outlet, as well as my art, and this may sound a little critical, but yours did too. So here are my questions. You said something along the line of me being over ambitious, but I want my works published because I want people I don't know reading them. I have a dream and a goal, and it keeps me going and hopeful. So maybe you're a little under-ambitious? I don't know, I just know that when I have an idea, I can crank out a story within three months while attending school and putting up with homework. I have encouragement, and I have people who believe I can. Then, I have people who believe I can't, and I want to prove them wrong. Anyways, the point is that, yes, when I write I write for passion. Also, what is your definition of short? I suppose it depends on how much time you have on your hands. I, for example, have after-school activates, school, and my artwork to keep up with. No one's complaining, and even if they were hey, this is the best I can do. And I thank all of my reviewers because I know it takes time just to review once and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to make suggestions, or give me a compliment. I haven't read your works, probably because I'm only thirteen and we seem to have a different opinion of passion, but they sound somewhat impressive… also, the Quidditch match paragraph was during the match, meaning by the end of the match, it was 150 to 175, but at that moment (when he was looking at Lily) it was 0 to 175. It says the seeker was desperate, and wanted to make sure that if they lost, at least they weren't swamped. And no offense is meant by this statement, but not really anything anyone says can stop my writing. It was nice to have a critic, or someone to contradict, (when I'm in a mood like this, I like arguing,) and I haven't had one in a while. Thanks for sharing with me what you believe is passion. I believe in something else.

JayaMioneDurron- I thought Lily should give James the snitch because of the irony (yah got to love irony) and because for some weird reason it's the thing I remember above all other things when I think about that chapter. (Snape's worst Memory.) Did your two friends really hate each other at first? I'm sorry, I probably should be sympathetic towards brick head, but it was just too funny, the way you said it. I'm so glad you liked it, I'm no longer forcing people to review, but please if I ask nicely will you continue? I really look forward to your reviews! And I tried to install msn, I'm not sure if I did it right though, but I should have it.

lily- I can't promise anything, but I hate it when James and Lily fight too, so we'll see what we can work out. Come to me if you have any suggestions. Thank you for your review.

Sweetkiwi456-hey, how are you doing after your exams? I didn't get an e-mail, but that's understandable, you're under a lot of stress right now. No problem on the big-words think, I can be creative! Thank you for the compliment! And yeah, it would be sunrise, but in every other time they've been together, they've ended watching the sunset. So that's why she used sunrise rather than sunset. I'll write you e-mail soon.

quidditchfan1220- yeah, I've had to answer that question a lot this chapter; maybe I should've been clearer. But yeah, in the end it was 150 to 175. I'm flattered by the compliment, and I am no longer demanding reviews, but hopefully you will continue anyways.

Anonymous- you're one of the first people I've ever met that likes the point of view. Thank you!

Fire Gazer-Yeah, I guess it was a little depressing. But hey, that's just how I write! And I found it highly amusing that Lily distracted him, when he CAN'T BE DISTRACTED! He's supposed to be the captain, so I had to have my fun. I'm no longer demanding reviews, but if you can I'd really appreciate one. Thanks!

Yekwah- Are you really from Australia? Wow! Eeee…(jumps up and down and up and down) that's awesome! You guys think you aren't happy with Bush, we aren't happy with him either! When they re-elect I doubt he'll win, what's this crap he's trying to pull with the weapons of mass destruction? So yeah, the aussies aren't the only ones unhappy with him, if you're even from Australia! Thanks for all the compliments, and yes they can take a while to get back to you on your questions, that's why it's always better to just ask another author. And yeah, I know my Quidditch skills lack, but I'm not, (never have been, never will be….) a jock. I couldn't play sports to save my life! And what do you mean school's started again? Oh that's right, your school's been over for break… haha we have only two more weeks and then summer break! (Smiles smugly!) Anyways, please do create a fanfic, I'd like to read, and if you have any questions please come to me, I'd love to help! And I'm in 8th grade, so I don't know if that's called year 8 or what over there, but I'm thirteen if it helps. (Fourteen may 23!) Anyways, nice to hear from you, if you can, review next time, but this time I don't think I'll demand reviews, as I now have so many that I can't thank everyone without taking up so much space!

PurplePasties1985- that made me cry I was so happy! I mean, if I get an insult I can usually try to brush it off, but a compliment like yours deserves so much thanks! You actually made me whole day better, this friend of mine likes the guy I like, and she's really close so I don't want to hurt her feelings and… the day just bombed, but your review really made up for it! Thank you thank you thank you! And thank you, yeah my birthday is May 23rd, have fun on your trip! I liked the Lily talk, because I just love tormenting my characters and their sanity. This should do a number on James. (Reads through the review and squeals again at the comment on how it's your favorite l/j) thank you thank you thank you! And yeah, I'm thirteen right now, and was when I started this story. I'll be fourteen May 23rd, and next year will be my first in High school. I'm no longer demanding reviews for several different reasons, though I will continue to thank those who do choose to review, and I'd really like to hear from you, I've come to look forward to it! I hope someday I make my dreams and see my books on the shelves, but we'll just have to wait and see…

Eschiva- have I read that name somewhere? Where did you get it, I love it! And I plan to keep writing, but I'm not sure what I'm doing with this fic, or even fanfic, when my mom is so adamant on my NOT obsessing over fanfiction.

Disclaimer- hey everyone, my muse is back. I think he's been sneaking around the Internet and brought back a random idea. Little bugger! (Tries using English)

James-

While I was well aware that I was of-age, (as I'd been excited about doing magic outside Hogwarts since I'd found out you couldn't do magic outside of Hogwarts,) it didn't mean I knew very much about it. I hadn't honestly thought about it at all until Dumbledore brought it up at a Head Meeting. He said something about figuring out which direction my life was going, but I was completely gone by then. A while ago I had thought I had known what I wanted, and how to get it. Now I was at a loss as to where my future was headed.

Just the thought of leaving Hogwarts and its shelter scared me. We had been discussing our careers since before the OWL's, and I had laughed at the idea, all of us had. It had seemed so far off. But I would be leaving in a few months. And I had no idea where I was going.

“James?” Lily called, jogging to keep up with me. Realizing I was racing again, I slowed down and let Lily walk at her own pace. “James, are you all right. You kind of spaced off back there, and when Dumbledore dismissed us you ran off. James?” I suppose I must have blocked that part out, because I only remember it from when she repeated herself.

“Yeah, I'm fine…”

She could tell from the glazed look on my face, I knew. Sirius had always said it gave me away when I was trying to lie, or something was wrong. “No, you're not. What's bothering you?” When I didn't answer she continued. “You listened to me complain so much. I owe you one.” I smiled at the irony in her statement, as she had no idea how often she'd complained to me, but stopped and said just the same.

“I don't really know what I'm going to do when I leave.”

Lily looked stunned. “You mean you don't know your career choice and yet you're Head Boy? What is the world coming to?” See? This is why I NEVER complain to a redhead. NEVER! She seemed to see these words from the look on my face, (I'm told hiding my emotions isn't one of my better qualities) and quieted. She adopted what she must have believed to be a soothing voice, but in al honestly Lily's voice always held undertones of something lese. This time it had gone from exasperation to worry in a look, which is really saying something for Lily. When she's angry about something, she doesn't let it go until she's had her say in the matter usually. “You must have had some idea. I mean, you had to choose your courses after your results in fifth year came back, and I'm pretty sure we had a career appointment or something of that nature to know hat grades we had to polish, but I can't really remember.” She frowned, while I smirked without mirth, which I can tell you is very possible.

“You wouldn't remember McGonagall cancelled yours because you were excelling in everything except her class. She personally tutored you, remember?” Lily nodded.

“But that wasn't a meeting to go over my career, she just pulled me aside after class.” She paused, thinking. “And how did you know about that. I'm sure I didn't tell anyone, I was really embarrassed about how poorly I was doing in Transfiguration.”

I kept on walking, and she waited for my answer. When she realized she wasn't going to get one, she simply walked beside me in silence until I cleared from my mind about how much I had liked her before, how I had begged Padfoot, (and bought him an extremely expensive dragon-hide jacket,) to tell me what McGonagall had wanted with Lily. Instead I asked, “What's involved in becoming of-age?”

“Why would I know? My birthday isn't until the last few days of the school year.”

“Because you told us all about it in fifth year when we were preparing for the OWL's and you thought we didn't fully comprehend the importance of the exams.” I replied smartly. Lily frowned.

:”I would hardly call flicking dungbombs at the first years preparation for an exam. And if I told you all about it, why are you asking me?”

“Would you believe me if I said I didn't catch a word of what you said that year because I was too busy listening to the tones of your voice?” Maybe she'd buy it…

“No.” Maybe not. “But becoming of age means you start to hone in on what you want to do, you go through apperation tests, and you become a legal adult. If you wanted to, you could go and get your own house, not in the muggle world, but in the wizarding world. You'll also have to go sign some papers with Felton, minister of magic, on using magic outside of school. You have the option of getting a new wand that fits your job a bit better. Speaking of, you never told me. What did you want to do when you went to your career advice meeting with McGonagall?”

Part of me didn't want to answer, but there was no shame in what I had wanted. The shame was that I was too afraid now to reach for it. Finally, I made my decision. “I had wanted to be an Auror.”

“Oh.” With that we entered silently into the portrait hall, and I walked up to my dorm, leaving Lily watching my retreating back.

I wasn't very surprised to find the dorm room empty. It was only around nine, and Padfoot tends to stay out as late as he can without getting caught, he usually drags Moony along, and Wormtail follows them like parasite he sometimes acts like. He seems to think he needs us, which he doesn't, he'd do fine by himself, but Padfoot, (and, while ago, me too,) has always liked attention, and admiration, so we sort of accepted Peter as one of us, or one of our closer fans.

I sunk into my bed, not to sleep but to think. I used to do this at Hogsmade, (which now filled me with memories of that night,) or by the lake, (where Lily could find me,) or in the common room, (where I was sure Lily was,) but as these spots were taken, I'd spent a lot of time moping up here. I was still moping when Snitch, the small tawny owl I keep at home, flew in through the window, a letter tied around it's leg. Mom always used to send the letters, but as she was gone I could only assume it was dad, about my `coming-of-age'. I hadn't received a gift this year from him, but with mom's loss I hadn't expected to. Carefully unrolling the parchment, it read,

James,

Your mother wanted to be the one to write this, but as she's not here anymore, I am. You know how bad I am with words so I'll just lay the things your mother wanted you to do out for you.

She was going to have you invite a few friends over for the weekend after you became of-age. You'll need to stay here over the weekend anyway to visit the minister and take your apparition test, she had the idea you would want to take your friends out to dinner or something of the sort after you sign the papers with the minister, and I'll hold to her wishes. Should you decide to do this, the money will be in the vault, and I probably wont be home very often. You have the key, you can get he money for yourself. These friends you have are welcome to stay for the weekend, but no more.

She also got you a gift a month before she passed away, it will be in your room when you arrive. Take it back with you when you leave, I don't want it here.

The next matter is something she was rather adamant on, but I don't want you to have anything to do with it. I'll tell you about it, because she planned to, but ask you as your father not to participate in it. Your headmaster, Dumbledore, began a group recently, this past year, called the Order of the Phoenix. It is an elite group of people determined to vanquish the rising dark lord, (whose name she would say but I would not,) and only allows you, with your parent's permission, to enter once you of of-age. When you turn twenty-one, your parents have no say in the matter, and if I could I would stop you from even considering it, as I know you are. But it was in your mother's will, which she wrote when she joined the order, along with a letter she wrote just for you. This too is on you bed, still sealed. Should you choose to join the order, you'll have to contact Dumbledore on it, and show him the letter written by your mother.

This was everything she wrote me to tell you. Happy birthday.

John Potter

I couldn't believe him! Not so much as an `I love you', or `your father'. But I couldn't have expected anything more from him he never was really social. Losing mom must have made it so much worse.

I mulled the idea mom had had in my head. Being with my friends could help, and certainly was better than sitting at home alone all weekend. I'd bring everyone who had helped me in the past few months. Remus, Peter, and Sirius, who didn't even need to be named. But who else…

Lily-

“Are you sure you want me to come?” I had no idea what he was playing at. I thought he hated me before, now he's sensitive. James must have more emotional ups and downs than I do, and that's really saying something, as I'm a redhead.

“Yeah. Michelle's coming, as we couldn't pull her and Remus apart, Sirius's coming, but I didn't really have to say that, and Peter… can't really kick him out.” James was pretending to be extremely laid-back and happy. I don't know too much about James Potter, but you can tell his emotions, he wears them on his sleeve. I, on the other hand, tend to hide how I feel unless I want to people to know. “Michelle can't be the only girl at dinner.”

“Uh…I'm not sure…” I noticed Remus and Sirius's panicked looks, as Remus called James over, insisting it was urgent, and Sirius rushed up to me.

“Look, you say no, and you stay here all weekend. But Remus and I, we'll have to put up with a moping James all weekend! And you've seen him over the past year! You can't just leave us with him!” Sirius said all this so fast I almost didn't understand him, in a quiet voice so James couldn't hear. “Please! I'm willing to actually beg you.”

This may sound crazy, but I see animals in people sometimes and Sirius was a puppy. A cute, fuzzy one. So when he pleaded or pouted, he had the look of a sad little dog. “Besides, don't you kind of owe him?”

Yeah, I owed him for listening, for offering, and for all the un-deserved insults. So I agreed. It could be fun.

Remus-

I have no idea what James was thinking, if he was even thinking. The idea just sounded too good to be true. And sure enough, there were quite a few flaws in the plan. The first of these flaws would be my transformation.

Secretly, I look forward to transforming now. It became the highlight of my month, because I was with my friends and no longer expected to be in control. I could run wild and welcome my other form. But no one but James, Sirius, Peter and myself know about what I am, and I had hoped to keep it that way. The first night I'd be fine, if not a little pale or nauseous. Saturday night, I'd be a full-fledged wolf.

James, apparently, had all of this planned out. Sirius would transform to keep me busy, and James would cover it up to the girls in any way necessary. The second problem I wont reveal until I get to that particular point in the weekend. But when the other three Marauders and I planned this on the way, while the girls had gone to get food from the trolley, it had barely been sketched out. No one even knew what James would say to make the girls leave me alone.

Other than planning this out, the train ride was passed in a fairly comfortable silence; aside from the fact neither Lily nor James would look each other in the eye. It was clear to any idiot now that Lily returned James feelings, and James knew it. He just didn't know what to do with it. It would probably make the weekend much more interesting.

The train dropped us off at Kings Cross, where it always does. There where far less people here, which made it even harder to blend in, and we had no idea how we were getting to James's house. He hadn't mentioned anything and his dad hadn't mentioned anything, and for about an hour we wondered if we'd been forgotten, until a sleek, black, ministry car pulled up. Assuming it was for us, (though since the driver never spoke, I suppose it could have been for someone else and we would never know,) we all clambered in.

The car pulled in front of James house as we stepped out, and I couldn't help it. My mouth dropped open. I'd known James for seven years, but in those seven years, there'd always been some reason or another I couldn't come over, whether it was him or me. It just had never worked out. But when he'd said the lived in a big house, he meant huge! I have to ask, now, why all purebloods are always rich. I mean, I'm not complaining, I'm a half-blood, but even the nice ones live in mansions like this. It all goes back to the whole discrimination thing. My father, a muggle, supported me but had no idea what to do with a werewolf come full moon. So James had seen my house before, when he'd some to help ease the transformation. But this I had never seen.

I'm not sure how exactly to describe the house. If you've ever seen the houses Hollywood actors or actresses live in on the television, it would work fairly well from what I could see. Brick, covered in vines, and welcoming, somehow I could see the Potters living here. Most large mansions feel forbidding, but Harriet and John wouldn't have been one to own such a home, as far as I knew. They had always been polite and yet kind when I had met the in the years prior, even to me, though I was a half-blood. (They didn't know what else I was. We weren't going to push it too far.)

Luckily, I wasn't the only idiot gapping; Lily, Michelle, and Peter seemed to be doing the same. Sirius and James were already pulling the trunks out of the car, thanking the silent driver and carrying the things in. James just had an amused look on his face, shook his head, and steered all of us inside.

The house elf showed each of us to our rooms, and I couldn't help but notice James taking his time guiding us to them. Normally, I was fairly sure that's what the elves were for, but he didn't seem too interested in what we thought of where we slept. He seemed more interested in avoiding where he slept.

Afterwards, we all left the potter's mansion, or manor, as he insisted it was called, to eat at whatever fancy and expensive restaurant Mr. Potter had reserved for us. The car he had requested, (more like demanded most likely, Mr. Potter happens to be a head Auror, and can get whatever service he wants from the ministry without pleasantries,) arrived at exactly six, (just because the car was on time didn't mean we were. Lily and Michelle took a while to get ready.). Not very much happened during the meal, other than James and Lily glancing at each other in turns and missing the other each time. As amusing as it was, I didn't see as much happen that night as James, who told me about it later. Now that I've gotten the chance to tell the boring and long part of the story, I'll let James tell the emotional part and hope later I can recall the events of the night that followed.

James-

I wasn't very hungry, and ate just to keep Lily, Sirius and Remus away from questioning me. But in all honesty I knew that while I could sleep in another room the rest of the weekend, I could avoid my room forever. Eventually I'd have to read whatever my mother had left for me, and read whatever she had thought I'd needed to know.

It would be a lot more than I had expected. The letter sat, still sealed, in the middle of the bed, next to a wrapped package. I opened the letter first, still dreading the words but curious. It was a morbid sense of curiosity, but it helped me to open the seal.

James~

If you're reading this, I owe you an apology. It means we didn't get as much time together as you deserve, and for that I'm sorry. We had so much planned, and I know right now you're going through a painful and difficult time. I wish I could be there for you, but I can't. That brings me to the package I left for you.

Whether you'll admit it or not, you have the same gift with words I do. You can hide it like you used to, but I thought this would help.

At this point, I brushed my fingers across the package. As strange as this is going to sound, I wasn't focusing on what my mother had left me as much as I was realizing that it was the last thing my mother had left me. It brought me out of the numbness, the denial, that had been surrounding me since a few weeks ago, and brought a new feeling. The loss was old, but I no longer felt like it was impossible to heal. The icy pain was gone, and it was like a wound that could finally bleed, and then heal.

Go on, quit sulking and open it like any normal person would have. She knew me too well. I remember when I was little, and I would read you stories and poems out of that thick bound golden edged book, don't you? You would ask me to read you bedtime stories, but any story from that book would keep you up for hours, thinking about all of the possibilities. I told you later how I had written the book, how it had been my collection of short stories. You have that same ability to write how you feel, and if you want to hide it that's not my place to tell you not to. But you need to let it out all the same. Here's your outlet. Enjoy.

The book had golden edged pages, and a deep red colored binding. It was a simple diary, something to lock my thoughts in, with a spell similar to the ones the ministry would use to protect their most heavily guarded secrets. It was the best gift she could have given. It turned back to the letter no crinkled from how tightly I was gripping it. I smoothed it out and continued.

Your father doesn't want you to do this. He's always been more protective of you, but I trust you to do what you feel is right. I hereby give you permission to join, of your own free will, (and at great personal risk,) The Order of the Phoenix. I'll let Dumbledore go into detail, should you choose to, but to help you along I your decision, I will tell you that not all jobs involve fieldwork, some can be behind the scenes. My only request is that you have nothing to do with joining the Death Eaters, if not for your dignity than for mine.

James, love, I'm not saying you're selfish, so don't get angry, but there are more people than just you hurt, and Sirius and your father need you. My death will have affected them to some extent, and they'll need to come to you much like you will need to go to them. It's probably best if you keep an eye on your father and his problems, and Sirius will be grieving my death. I left him a letter to; it's hidden in the spot in the bookshelf, where I used to keep my book.

I love you. The things I left for you, other than this book, are hidden with Sirius's letter. Xxoo ~ Mom.

It was as sentimental as mom would get when writing her death letter. Some of her works were deep, emotional, but I could, (and still can) picture her sitting there at her desk in the study, imagining what things would be like if she were to pass away in the line of duty. She had the attention span of a few seconds without her mind wandering.

All the same, it had me reduced to tears for the next few hours over the piece of parchment. I think she must have needed something else, but heard me crying. I have no idea how it happened, but somehow she ended up comforting me again, without even knowing what I was crying about. It wound up sobbing on her shoulder, very aware by the time I had calmed down that the only girl I had ever really felt a need to impress had just seen me crying. Calming down, I ran a hand through my hair, something I haven't done in forever, and looked up at her face immediately to see her reaction. She looked surprised, but smiled slightly when she saw me studying her.

I remembered her words by the lake. It was the last thing I wanted to think about, but as I didn't have anything else to think about, and she was sitting here, on the edge of my bed at about eight comforting me, my mind wound up on the topic. I really didn't need a girlfriend to worry about now, not to mention I didn't need to have the pressure of trying to impress her every time. But that was the thing about Lily. You had to go to some extent to grab and keep her attention. Any old tricks I had used on anyone else wouldn't work on her. There was no way any relationship between us would work out, after all those years where she hated me.

But I could thank her, right? So I just gave her a sweet little kiss on the cheek, before I whipped off my face, smiled at her, and walked away, not very sure how to feel or what to think about the surprised look on her face. She didn't follow me out, and I didn't make her. She'd come out when she felt like it, and hopefully she wouldn't explode on me for that, but it had seriously been a spur of the moment thing. Somehow I didn't think she'd mind.

Guess who was cackling outside the door. “Sirius!”

“What? That was so, ah…what's the word Michelle used? Cute! That's the word!” I was about to ask what he meant when I looked behind him to see Michelle, Peter, and Remus hightailing it around the corner and out of there. I saw, from the corner of my eye, Sirius try to do the same, and grabbed the collar of his muggle-style shirt to keep him from doing so.

“Never mind that, I need to talk to you. Mum left you a letter, and some stuff in her will I think.” Sirius's smiling quickly stopped as he realized why I was crying, and he nodded solemnly. We walked in silence down the winding stairs and to the main floor, then through the hall that lead to her study. There sat the book, on the bottom shelf from when I was little and couldn't reach much higher. I pulled a letter out of the pages of the favorite story of dragons and Merlin she read to us when we were about seven. I saw I wasn't the only one about to cry, Sirius looked as close as I did, but he seemed determined not to. I handed him his note, and watched as he gave in and silent tears streamed down his face too. After he finished, I watched him fold the note again and stick it back in the envelope. He took the book from me and ran his fingers over the spine.

“You should have this. Do you know who she left it for?” His voice sounded rusty, and I saw a flash of a thinner, darker Sirius, an older one that didn't smile. I promised myself that after everything he had done for me, I wouldn't let that happen. (I know, how sad, but the opportunity was there and I had to write it.)

“I don't know. She said it was all in the will. But the book's kind of dusty, she must have written these letters a while ago.” I replied bitterly. Somehow I didn't trust my dad with the will.

He swallowed hard and helped me up. “ You okay mate?”

A month ago I hadn't been, even though I had said I was. A few hours ago, I had insisted I was, but even then I had been anything but. Now, though, I honestly said, “Not yet. But I think I will be.”

“Prongs, no more impressive, deep, artistic words. Just too weird coming from a boy not in a soap opera.” I smiled sardonically and followed Sirius out. For the first time in months, that night I had a dreamless sleep.

AN- I'm sorry it took so long, now even my little brother is afraid I've gotten obsessive over fanfiction and thinks I need a little break. So I had to deal with my family, and I was sick for the last few days. Anyways, this was the last chapter in depression, as James is no longer depressed, but I was thinking about a sequel, what do you think? Anyways, it would cover the rest of the year, including the first awkward kiss, to a little farther, maybe even Harry's birth or their deaths, I'm not sure. Please share you thoughts! Thank you for those who reviewed me during this story. I owe you so much, it makes me feels all fuzzy inside to know some people appreciate what I write! THANK YOU!