Depression by padfoot_puppyeyes

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 08/12/2003
Last Updated: 17/05/2004
Status: Completed

After 2 years or more of asking Lily Evans out, and being rejected each time, James Potter gives
up. but when he does, and falls in a depression, who will pull him out? Has Lily changed her mind?
how far into the darkness will he fall, and will he want to be caught?-for now, it's first
point of view, but for many different people. also, I really don't believe in love at first
sight, so it's going to be a rocky beggining. Fluff/dark. please read and review, it's my
first fanfic. corrective critisisum and support are very much apperciated! also, i've love your
opinion, humor, angst, or romance?




1. Padfoot
----------



Padfoot's P.O.V.

**A.N. Please have patience with me. It's my first fanfic, and I'm working on
publishing my own book. And this is just a prologue, my chapters will be much longer and much more
interesting, but you have to read the prologue to understand the story. Please r/r, even if you
don't like it. I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong or right. Oh yea, and me no own
Harry potter. That's all J.K.'s brilliant mind!***

“ There she is, Jamsie!” Sirius Black howled with glee to his best friend, James Potter. The
scowl on James's face at his childhood nickname quickly turned into a smile as he watched Lily
Evans enter the Great Hall, red hair pulled back away from her face and out of her startlingly
green eyes. Those eyes quickly sent James an icy glare, sending the other Marauders, including
Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black into fits of laughter, along with the rest of the
hall. She walked confidently towards James, her stride only increasing when she reached him, and
passed him without a second glance. James, ever patient and persistent, only followed Lily to the
Gryffindor table and sank next to her on the bench. He had the same confident smirk in place, and
everyone knew what he was about to do.

“ Why does he bother?” Remus muttered to Sirius, shaking his head as they followed James to
their house table. “Every time, for the last two bloody years, he's asked her!” He didn't
need to say anymore, everyone knew the ending, as many were asking themselves the same question. No
one but James really knew why so he spent so much thought or wasted so much time on Lily, not even
Lily.

“ Hey, Evans.” James began smoothly, eyes on Lily as she ate.

“ Is something bothering you, Potter?” Lily replied coldly. Her friend, Michelle, took out
apiece of parchment labeled `timed James asked Lils out', and started counting up the many
tallies after adding another one. She must have been keeping track since their fifth year, and,
seeing as there where well over one hundred little marks on the parchment, had been almost
exact.

“ There's a Hogsmade visit planned this weekend. First visit of the last year.”

“ I would know, Potter.” Lily smirked. “I am the one who arranged it. And before you can ask,
no, I'm not going with you.”

“That was a little cold, don't you agree?” James asked lightly, but the laughter seemed to
have left his eyes, and his face had fallen slightly at her reply.

“No.” Came Lily's simple reply. No one really understands what happened next, or what it was
that finally pushed James over the edge. But he too had his limits, and he was well past them.

“ You know what, Lily? Fine! I GIVE UP! Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you where
hoping for?” James yelled. The great hall went silent, now devoid of laughter, and replaced with
fear. Dumbledore shook his head sadly, the light strangely absent from his eyes. Sirius had to
agree with the old man, it wasn't like James to quit on anything. Without another word, James
left the Great Hall, his portion of breakfast untouched. Grabbing Sirius by the neck of his robes,
and ignoring his best friend's protests, he was clearly ignoring the many calls of “Oh,
he'll be back, give him a week.” And Peter Pettigrew's “Oh, a week? Two days tops!” But
somehow, Sirius knew that James wasn't asking that same question anymore. Knowing he
wouldn't be able to properly sleep, study, or (most importantly, in his opinion,) eat until

his best friend and lily Evans where together, Sirius Black swore upon the Marauder's Map
that he would do all it took to bring back the peace.



2. Hour One
-----------



**A.N.-Sorry, few fans of Depression. I don't know when I'll update, I'm really
suffering from writer's block on that particular story, and it's getting very frustrating!
But I'm still a big Lily and James fan, and I'm really in the Christmas spirit! So happy
holidays! P.s.- please review, I know it's a pain, but count it as a Christmas present to your
respective marauder, Padfoot. And ProngsGirl, reviewing is hardly an e-mail!**

**Christmas is a time to put all differences aside, and I had, for the most part. But as
festive as I was, when I woke to find my beautiful flaming hair a bright red and green, the
Marauders where in for it!**

**“Potter! Black! What is this?” I shouted, taking no notice of the many people watching their
head girl screaming at the top of her lungs, hair dyed green and red. The two Marauders still
remaining for the holidays, James Potter and Sirius Black, sat in the corner, one gaping at my
hair, the other wearing his stripped pajamas and a smile. James seemed innocent of this prank.
Sirius held his trademark smirk in place as he innocently shook his few presents.**

**“ I have no idea! Prongs, what do you think?” Hearing his friend call him that pointless
nickname must've brought James out of his reverie, for now he sat there smiling in
malice.**

**“ It looks good on you, Evans.” James replied to my glare, wearing a smirk almost identical
to Black's. I ran my hands through my hair, glaring. James had gotten over his crush on me
sometime in the beginning of the year, and now hated me properly. And I was starting to wonder if
that was what I really wanted.**

**“Change it back, Black.” I retorted, angry for falling for yet another prank. I would have to
remember to jinx the Girl's Dormitory stairs, if boys could waltz into the dormitory that
easily. We were some of the few people left in the Gryffindor common room, as many had gone home
for the holidays.**

**“It's a simple spell, Lily flower, dear, and a gift. It suits you nicely, and I'm not
changing it back!”**

**“ It's only Christmas Eve, don't you dare open those presents!” I screamed, my voice
growing horse. I could forgive Severus Snape for the holidays, I could forget any harm done by
Remus Lupin, but Potter and Black were really too much. They ignored me and returned to their
previous conversation, about some stupid prank they would pull. But as I listened to the details of
the prank, it didn't sound as though the Head Boy should even think about this one! It sounded
like it was worse than the normal hair dye and levitation. It could harm not only the victim; it
could harm the person casting the spell. And if they used their usual victim, I was their target.
Idiots.**

**“Padfoot?” I called out to the dark. We had planned on locking Evans in the secret room
behind the tapestry of Davis the Dumbest on the third floor, but Sirius hadn't showed. I almost
felt guilty about forcing anyone, even Evans, into a room with Snivellus on Christmas Eve, but it
would be my revenge for all the perfectly good pranks she had ruined. Eager to get this prank over
with before I felt the guilt, I called out to the darkness again.**

**“Sirius?” I called uncertainly, as I saw movement in the dark.**

**“Potter?” Her voice sounded like an angel's in the night, but I quickly shut-up and
composed myself. Wanting to find Sirius and make sure he was covered by the invisibility cloak,
before the power-hungry Head Girl gave us both a detention, I wandered un-seen into the small room
behind the tapestry. Unfortunately, I ran strait into Evans, and just as I heard the heavy wooden
door slam shut behind me.**

**“PADFOOT!” I called out angrily as I ran right into Lily Evans. I could hear my best friend
cackling behind the door.**

**“ `Tis the Season, Prongs!” I heard him call from behind the locked door.**

**“We're doing you a favor!” More mad cackling issued from behind the door as I pondered
what my best friend said.**

**“WE?” I howled, not understanding who could've helped him pull this off.**

**“Black owes me a good deal of money for this.” Came Sinvellus's oily and greasy voice,
and I felt ready to vomit.**

**“You enlisted Severus Snape?” I ask in disbelief. Of all the people to help Sirius pull a
prank, Snape was the last one I expected.**

**“It was supposed to be Moony, because it had to be someone who could pin her after her
meeting with the younger prefects, but he went home for Christmas, so I had to find someone on
short notice!” Sirius retorted as I continued to hit the door with my fists.**

**“And what exactly is the point behind this prank?” Lily asks, speaking for the first time
from the other side of the room.**

**“Excellent question, Evans. By the time you two are allowed out, go old Prongs will be back
to normal, and I can “rest in piece.”” Sirius replied evenly, his laughter finally gone from his
voice. “Jamsie, ever since you gave up on Evans at the start of term your grades have dropped, you
don't sleep, and you needlessly complain! You don't even put any heart into your pranks
anymore. So this way, Evan can fix whatever she's done to you, and you can move on.” Needless
to say, I was pissed. I mean, it's wonderful that my best friend cares, but honestly,
there's more reasonable ways to work the problems out of my relationship with Lily than this. I
glared sullenly at the door, as if by glaring at it the door would open. I heard Sirius give a
final “Merry Christmas Prongs!” And walk away, and heard Lily mutter “Lumos.” The room suddenly lit
up, and I saw the angry look on her face.**

**“Hey, this was not my idea, and it certainly isn't my fault!” I declare looking her
strait in the eye. Her really determined, really beautiful glass-green eyes. Bloody hell.**

**“I don't care whose fault it is, get me out!” Lily exclaimed, as angry as I was. Did I
ever mention she looks even prettier when she's angry? I smile at her, as innocent as possible
for me.**

**“As much as I would love to share Christmas Eve with you too, I agree completely with you on
this one.” I shot back. But it was no good. Until I admitted to her and myself that I still cared
for her we were stuck.**

**A.N.- I'm sorry again, that the chapter's so short, but I'm suffering from
writer's block on this particular story. Don't worry, I promise it'll end well; I just
have to get it there. Happy Holidays!**



3. Hour Two;The Annoying Voice Inside My Head
---------------------------------------------



**A.N.- I have a rather long author's note today, because I have someone new to dedicate
Depression to. Thank you to that anonymous reviewer, on Christmas Eve, during the last update.
I've been pretty busy lately, and was going to give up writing this particular story, but just
to know someone else read and enjoyed my story was an inspiration, so the rest of this story,
including this chapter, is dedicated to you. And please, ProngsGurl, I mean it. No more using
reviews as e-mail. Call me if you have to! Again, all reviews are appreciated!**

“Feminist”

“Hypocrite”

“Why, you arrogant little-“

“Oh, your one to talk!”

We'd been immaturely throwing insults back and forth in this manner for the last half-hour.
While I could be civil enough during Head-Boy and girl duties I hated Potter, and I was going to
take this opportunity to let him know it. Seeing as he seemed to be thinking along the same lines,
I was having my own insults thrown back in my face, and was fighting back, waiting to be released
from “Black's torture chamber”. Potter had been strangely silent since my last comment, and I
was proud to know that at least some of my words had reached his heart, supposing he had one.

**Of course he has one**! A little voice in my head said, sounding horribly like Black
himself.

**You wouldn't know it!** I replied in my defense. Whether I was imagining Black's
voice or not, it wasn't going to win any fight between us, so long as it still sounded like
Black, or any of the Marauders for that matter.

**Why can't you just give him a chance?** The annoying voice asked.

“Because he's an arrogant git!” I said, not realizing I had voiced my opinion aloud until I
saw the hurt reaction on James' face.

**It could be worse.** Black's voice taunted. **It could be me!!** I couldn't help
but smile, and agree. It'd be worse if it were Black.

“So that's all you know about me?” James asked, bringing me out of my reverie. “It's
true then, when I do something right, no one remembers, when I do something wrong, Evans never
forgets!” even as I tried, I couldn't think of a proper retort for the hurt in his voice. So I
just responded with

“Shut it potter!” Ignoring the annoying voice still in my head.

Let me explain the situation. Potter spent the first half hour pounding on the door, yelling for
help. After that help didn't come, he slunk down on one side of the room, leaving me for the
other. While I was shivering from the cold, I was grateful for the distraction. It was all that
kept from falling asleep in this stone room on Christmas Eve. The light from my wand had gone out
long ago, probably because I was too tired to do the simplest of charms.

“Cold Evans?” Potter's voice echoed on the stony walls. I was, but as he seemed perfectly
comfortable I would freeze before I'd admit it.

“N-Not in the least!” I replied stubbornly, and cursed my chattering teeth. I felt something
light but warm drape over my shoulders, and listened to potter apologize his way out of this
one.

“I was wearing two cloaks anyways, and I was already warm. Give it back after we get out of
here, I might need it again sometime soon.”

Even as I felt gratitude at the warmth, I felt awe at the source, and it wasn't James. I
looked down at my lower half and gasped. My eyes had somewhat adjusted to the dark, and I
couldn't see anything below my head.

“An invisibility cloak?” I asked, more to myself than him.

“It's not as though now that you know about it you can see us under it!” James said,
somewhat bitterly, as I tried to sort out how many questions this answered about the Marauders…and
how many it didn't.

“So is that how you know exactly where everyone is in the castle at exactly that same time?” I
asked, knowing full well that it wasn't.

“No.” he replied stubbornly. “But it's how I know all about you and your secret, Angel.”
That last word said a little more than one would think. James potter knew my secret. I was
dead!

“How long have you known?” Great. Sirius, I'm going to kill you, I thought. Here I was,
locked in the same, cold room, with the one person I hated in this castle more than Snape,
revealing my innermost secrets.

**Why am I doing this?** I asked myself. A voice inside my head, sounding strangely like
Sirius, answered for me.

**Because you love her.** The annoying voice replied. I had never heard this voice inside my
head before now, and if I had to put up with it for the rest of my stay in “Black's torture
chamber” I really would lose my mind.

**Do not!** I retorted. I didn't love Lily Evans!

**Do too!** It replied, and I smiled.

**Fine.** I replied. Somehow Sirius always won. **Even the bloody voice in my head, sounding
like Sirius wins.** I thought bitterly.

The voice only replied with **I'm not just any voice in your head, Prongs I'm your
conscience.**

**Lily always said I never had a conscience.** I replied bitterly.

“Merry Christmas to me.” Lily said, miserably, un-knowingly bringing me out of my thoughts, as
only her voice could.

“You wanted to know something about how I know where all of Hogwarts students and staff where.”
I asked her, an idea forming in my head. She nodded, agreeing with me, and my spirits lifted
slightly.

Maybe I could finally understand how she could sometimes catch us in the act of pulling the
perfect prank. If she doesn't catch us, she comes pretty close to it, usually closer than she
knows. If my suspicions were correct, she had an amazing gift.

“What do you want to know?” Evans asked, sounding somewhat put-off.

“What are you?” I asked, smiling, I heard her shift un-comfortably next to me, and almost felt
guilty.

“I don't see how the topics are related.” She rebuked, not willing to give up her secret
easily. I smiled cheekily.

“One secret for another.” I replied stubbornly. Lily must've really wanted to know the truth
about how we knew the grounds so well, because she actually answered my original question.

“Even as I think that's overly-accusing, I'll tell you what I am. I am and Angelinos.
They used to call us angels, because of how we used our gifts in the dark ages, but now, with
Voldemort's in power, I'm not willing to risk my neck to up-hold a title.” I could tell she
was doing her best to procrastinate. She must've realized it wasn't working, because she
sighed and said, “I can see and move things telepathically. So you can see how useful I could be to
Voldemort. Please, it you can help it, don't tell anyone.”

I know this might sound selfish, but I was slightly hurt by her previous comments, about me
being stuck on myself and caring for no one else, so I was quick to agree on being trustworthy.

“I'll keep your secret, if you keep mine.” I replied, and she seemed to agree by her
silence. I hadn't expected the truth from her, but if she gave it, I had to too.

**Prongs, you idiot, no! That'd be betraying your friends for a girl!** Sirius's
voice echoed in his head.

**Lily gave me her secret; I have to give her one of mine!** I replied in determination, and
then ignoring my newfound sub-conscience, I explained how the Marauder's map worked to Lily.
The next half-hour was rather enjoyable, at least, it was to me, and I actually made Lily laugh on
several occasions. Once Lily was “sworn to secrecy,” I proudly told her tales of the
marauder's, with the caretaker more often than not posing as the bad-guy.

As time passed, and the school started to come out of their beds, the door opened (magically, of
course, because if either Lily or I saw Sirius, he was a dead man.) As we walked back to the
Gryffindor tower, I remember only a few of the many agreements. Both of us agreed to kill Sirius
Black on sight, and to speak not a word of the events of the night. But it was a night I'll
never forget, my most memorable Christmas Eve.

“Hey, Prongs, how'd you sleep last night?” Sirius asked snidely, and I only smiled.

“Wouldn't you like to know?”

I never saw dear old Padfoot smile behind me, or heard him mutter,

“Thank god for legilimency.”



4. The Mouse, the Owl, and Lily
-------------------------------



**A.N.- I thought I should tell you that when I update from now on, it would probably be at
least two chapters, because I got a small word processor/laptop for Christmas, and I don't have
to give my little brother the computer anymore when I want to type. I know this chappie is rather
short, but I needed it to bridge into what I want the future chapters to have in them. Hopefully
you've all enjoyed what I've written so far, and thank you to all of my reviewers! Any
suggestions? (Or praise?) Please read and review, and let me know what you think of my first
fanfic**

Bloody potter, I thought to myself. This thought alone was disturbing, because I should've
been focusing on my studies. But Potter and I were paired together for transfiguration, which
happened to be focusing on turning field mice into owls, their natural enemy, and he was doing
really well at it. I hadn't spared Potter a minute's thought at the start of the term, and
while my thoughts weren't those of love, I was starting to notice him. Especially right
now.

“Ten points to Gryffindor.” Professor McGonagall said lazily, and I noticed she didn't seem
surprised to see the once brown field mouse instantly morph into a snowy white owl. I, on the other
hand, was shocked at the fact that despite how much I paid attention in class, I still struggled,
while Potter easily flew through his classes, particularly this one, and I doubted he had visited
the library for anything not prank related in the last few years. Watching as he messed up his
already messy dark hair, (this time, I noticed that it seemed to be more out of habit than to
impress me) I pondered my next question.

“Potter.” I asked, hesitantly. While he had earned my respect that since Christmas Eve, I
wasn't looking forward to admitting I needed his help with anything, much less something study
related. He always seemed to think of me as smart, and even though I'd never admit it, I really
took his complements to heart.

“Yes?” James replied, just as he tucked his wand into his carry-around bag. Feeling my normally
pale face turn a nice cherry red, I asked lightly as possible,

”What am I doing wrong?” almost too quietly to hear.

“Oh, your wand's going to poke an eye out.” He replied sarcastically, (not knowing that
years later similar words would begin his son's first friendship.)

“Huh??” Oh, I thought, really smart.

“Here.” James sighed, and he guided me easily through the wand movements. My field mouse now had
wings and feathers, and though it still had a tail, resembled an owl better.

“Thanks.” I murmured, as McGonagall inspected my… creature. Transfiguration was one of my few
struggling subjects, and we had Newt's this year. James was now talking to Black, who had
changed his mouse almost as quickly as James, and I watched as Remus joined them in their
conversation. I caught the words “Quidditch” and
”Seeker”, until Professor McGonagall threatened the three Marauders with a detention, and they
returned slowly to their original seats, sulking. Smiling as I pulled my red hair back tighter, an
idea struck me.

“Make a deal with you.” I commented quietly as class ended. James didn't need me to say it
twice, and turned quickly, a strange glint in his eye. I already knew I had had his attention.
James loved to gamble bet, make bargains or deals.

“Jacob Saunders has a small gamble going on the outcome of the next match, and Gryffindor
isn't playing.” I began, still planning out how I would say this without sounding desperate. I
didn't want someone like Potter to get the impression that I really needed his help.

“So?” James asked, as I began walking towards Arithmancy, even as he walked towards the common
room.

“Ravenclaw wins, you tutor me every night in transfiguration, and I mean seriously tutor
me.”

“And if Hufflepuff wins?” James asked. What were the odds that Hufflepuff would win, I wondered.
They hadn't won any match in the past three years… unless James knew something I didn't,
and I wouldn't put it past him for a moment that he wouldn't tell me. But gambling was
about taking chances.

“Next week at Hogsmade sound good?” I asked. His bloody grin went from one ear to the other, but
he still wore that knowing smile.

“And if Hufflepuff catches the snitch, and Ravenclaw wins, or vise-versa?” James was still
smiling, and I knew better than to think it was out of innocent amusement.

“We'll think about that when and if we get there.” Came my short reply, and with that we
went our separate ways. Just then, Michelle walked up to me, smiling in a suggestive way. Shaking
my head, I nodded to the common room door behind me and said “Remus?” suggestively, only succeeding
in making poor Michelle blush. She been eyeing him for a while, it seemed ever since the start of
the year, and I hadn't noticed it until Christmas. And ever since, I hadn't stopped teasing
her over it.

“No. He's too busy talking about Quidditch with Black. Something about an accident.” I shook
my head laughing to myself, and just as suddenly felt all of the laughter drain from my tone.

“Michelle, what did you hear?” I asked in blind panic, remembering James Potter's, knowing
smile, and wondering if whatever accident they where talking about had to do with either of the
houses playing this Friday. Knowing Potter, probably.

“Hufflepuff got a new Seeker after their last one crashed. Some second year,

Amos Diggory. I guess he's really good, you've seen him, you tutored him before.” I
closed my eyes in remorse.

“How good?”

“Almost as good as potter. Hey, what's gotten him so excited, he looked like he just won the
Quidditch cup, smiled for the first time in months!!”

“Months?” I asked, voicing my doubt. Michelle looked at me oddly.

“Yeah, he's been in a funk all year, he's not even that cocky anymore.”

“Just because his head deflated slightly doesn't mean he was always arrogant, and it
certainly doesn't mean he's in a funk. Maybe he's just matured.” I replied, and watched
Michelle's mouth drop.

“You're defending Potter? Lily, are you sure you're feeling well?” Michelle joking, but
her voice held confusion and concern regardless.

And truth be told, I already felt my stomach turning. Bloody Potter.

**This is my thanks to all of my reviewers-**

**ProngsGurl-thanks for all of your support, (my voice is just dripping with sarcasm,) and
maybe after we're published, (for anyone who cares, me and Prongs have a co-authored book
we're in the process of publishing.) I'll write another fic based on our ideas.**

**Christmas Eve fan- (yes, that's your new title,) thank you again for your
inspiration!**

**RaMz- thanks for your corrective criticism, and for telling me any of my mistakes! I really
appreciate the rating, and your right; I did kind of rush into that didn't I? I'm sort of
new to writing fan fiction, I'm only thirteen, and I appreciate all support!**

**annon- thank you for the review, and the rating! I really like knowing that someone reads and
enjoys my writings, and this is just one of the many ways I imagine l/j getting together! Plez
review again soon, and I hope you enjoy this theory of the l/j relationship!**

**MoodyMoony- yes, ditz, I know ho you are, I still say that the song is noel, but thanks for
taking the time to read my fanfic!**

**aero0688- don't worry, Sirius and the Marauders are working on fixing James, and even
though this fic isn't turning out how I had envisioned, don't worry, they will be together
in the end! Of, and if you lack in patience this fic really isn't for you, cause James is going
to drag the Marauders for a few highs and lows throughout the whole story, and Sirius Black
isn't the best person to try and fix him! Lol!**

**laurie- thank you SO MUCH! Two 10's I feel really warm and fuzzy inside! It's reviews
like that that keep me writing! Thank you for reading; I hope in the end you still like it!**

**That's all I have for now, until the next chapter! R/r!**



5. Author
---------



**Author's note- you guys, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry, I was grounded off the
computer for the last few weeks, and were having…trouble at home, and right now my life is really
screwed. But I am trying to bring my life back together, and in doing so I plan to throw myself
into my writing. I am so sorry about the long break, but I promise to update as soon as I can.
Thank you for any patience, Padfoot_puppyeyes**



6. The Outcome, the Lesson and the Logest ChapterI Have Ever Wr
---------------------------------------------------------------



**A.N.-I'm SO NOT going to make up excuses as to why I haven't written in months.
Really, I'm not… it's just I have some small… problems and the computer broke down and my
book's getting published (trying to) and (dodges tomatoes)… Fine, I really messed up, no more
vegetables! Really, I'm extremely sorry, and I'll do anything I can to make it up to you
guys. I'll even try and make this chappie extremely long! Here it goes….**

**P.s.- I tried updating this chapter for a million times before this one. Can anyone tell me
why it simply says something about the…oh, shoot, I forgot it now… anyways, I will have whatever it
said as soon as I remember when I update the next time, and I hope maybe someone can tell me what
it means in case it happens again, because it was extremely frustrating! Also, I thank all for
their patience, and apologize for the delay again…**

**Disclaimer- I really don't own Lily, or James, or most of anything. I don't even own
Michelle, (do I prongs?) and there isn't honestly that much of a specific plot, other than
James gets a little… depressed. (Who would've thought?)**

**Thank you to-**

**Midnight9214- I'm glad you like it6, hopefully this will live up to your
expectations.**

**PhoenixPhether-sorry, I suppose you wanted to read about the match. I promise you somewhere
in this fanfic, I will fully describe a Quidditch match! Cheers! (always wanted to say
that!)**

**sweetkiwi456- wow, are you really? Please tell me the name of the book. details, here! And
no, it isn't published as of yet we are still working on it, (AND PRONGS GURL ISN'T HELPING
VERY MUCH, ARE YOU MITCH?)**

**gddssofdarkness- wow,**

**Lily-**

**Now that I had made the bet with him., I was somewhat afraid of the outcome of the match. All
of us went, although Gryffindor wasn't playing, not because they wanted to see who won, but
because Michelle had pretty much screamed to the Common Room in general that I had made such a
gamble. Everyone wanted to see who wound up wining, just to find out how I would have to spend time
with Potter, studying of in Hogsmade.**

**James sat only a few seats down, staring intently at the game. while I was completely
nervous, (I'll admit freely, I don't usually attend the games, sometimes not even for
Gryffindor,) he seemed at his ease, listening to Black and Lupin debate on something or another. I
happened to overhear the words**

**“But if we get caught by Hagrid-“**

**“He wont know we're us!” Black argued,**

**“I wont know he's him.” Lupin retorted. At leas, I'm pretty sure that was what I
heard. At the time, I wasn't paying them very much attention.**

**James's hair was tousled from the wind, but it had been a while since I'd seen him
mess it up on purpose. He had purple shadows lining his eyes, which still seemed intent on the
game.**

**“Lupin.” Professor McGonagall said sternly. “Do you think you can avoid the swear words this
time? Last time was somewhat out of-“**

**“Absolutely, professor.” Remus normally did the commentary, and very nicely, except on games
were Gryffindor didn't play, and he insisted it was Black's turn. Sirius gave a smile that
said he would have fun with the mike, and I knew, from then on, this game was bound for chaos.
“Passes it to Carr, back to Bryant- hit him, Jones. The bloody idiot could use a bludger to the
head after turning us in like that, git- I was just teasing, nothing serious Professor!”**

**The game took about a half-hour, by which the end I was extremely cold, but it was worth it,
and I considered coming to the games more often. Diggory for Hufflepuff, was making an effort, it
became clear from his screwed up face, to concentrate on the snitch and not the commentary.
Bludgers were `mistakenly' being aimed at Black, though I really can't say I blame Tom,
whom he had been yelling to earlier.**

**Diggory, who, while he was somewhat good on a broom, was a little thick-headed, caught the
snitch too early, ending the game in favor or Ravenclaw, but wining the snitch for Hufflepuff.
James turned around in the middle or Ravenclaw's victory to meet my eyes,**

**And suddenly I didn't really mind spending the time with him. not that I'd ever tell
him that of course.**

**James-**

**It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened. Diggory caught the snitch, and
Ravenclaw won. This was almost a little amusing, all things considered. A while ago, I would've
done anything to spend so much time with Lily Evans, even if it meant tutoring her, and dating her?
Not that I was really dating her, we were just going on a date. (As she reminded her friend
Michelle over and over again at lunch.)**

**But the thing was, now? I'd rather not spend too much time with her. Even just thinking
about her makes me feel angry and frustrated, never mind talking to her. Because as much as I had
obsessed before, I had sort of realized something now, something pretty disheartening. Lily Evans,
the girl I'd believed was somehow perfect, was** **human****. Just like me, just like
Dumbledore, (although I suppose that one's debatable) and just like almost everyone else at
Hogwarts. So I've been pretty much avoiding her, since the embarrassing scene in the Great Hall
at the start of term. No more fights, no more nasty names, and, (****author note-gasp****) no
more vile pranks. Not on her, not on anyone else. (Not that that stopped Sirius.) But honestly,
what Sirius said about hair gel at Christmas? That was a bit of an exaggeration.**

**And you'd think they'd let it go, now that I'd finally gotten my date with Evans.
You would think, but Sirius doesn't let things drop so easily. Now he's afraid I'm not
eating. “But your getting thinner, and the pranks-“ Sirius always brings up the pranks.**

**“You're acting like my mother! Just give it a rest.”**

**“Fine, fine. You're not too upset to come tonight, are you? We were going to make a
little run into the forest.” Sirius said, eyes bright. Much as he must have expected me to know
what he was talking about, it only confused me more.**

**“Why?” Dumb question.**

**“WHY! Are you really that out of it?” I raised an eyebrow, I still had absolutely no idea
what his bloody point was, and if I thought** **my** **question was stupid, Padfoot's was
by far worse. He was the one who was, just moments before, commenting on my different personality.
“We've been planning on this for months. It took forever to find Aragog and those centaurs, and
wanna pay them a visit! And Moony transforms tonight.” Although he couldn't yell, because
Moony's secret is ours too, he did a pretty loud whisper, earning him an elbow in the side for
his troubles. Although he kind of had good reason. I'd helped plan half the trip and I had
completely forgotten! Not to mention, I had set up a tutor session with Evans tonight. It was our
first one, and she insisted I wasn't allowed to back out of it. It was only after I explained
this to Sirius that he hit me hard on the back of the head, (he was no longer acting like my
mother,) and told me to call it off.**

**“I can't.” I explained. “Promised. Here, I'll leave early. You can see the centaurs
without me then I'll meet you at Aragog.” While Sirius agreed with this plan, (then asked me if
I would finish my food. I gave it to him. I wasn't really hungry.) I was having a little
trouble convincing Evans. Not because she had a problem with it, only because I stubbornly refused
to talk to her. It wasn't as if she couldn't put up with me. She'd been the one to talk
to me at Christmas, after all, and a few days ago, to make the bet about the game. But... I
wasn't really all that sure I could put up with her.**

**Of course, by the end of dinner I wasn't really left with much of a choice. “Evans.” I
called, running to keep up with her. I swear people stopped in the halls to watch Evans put me in
my place. They have been every time Evans and I've passed each other in the halls; at the end
of every class we've had together, and in the common room, whenever we sit within five feet of
each other while working or playing wizard's chess. Then again, they'd been expecting me to
ask Evans out all of those times, so I can't really say I blame them for watching. It must make
a pretty amusing picture, Evans blowing up.**

**But she didn't blow up at me this time. Just gave me her McGonagall look, told me I'd
better not end it too early, and walked into the portrait hole, followed by a stunned Michelle. An
equally stunned Sirius stood next to me, mouth open in shock.**

**“So I lock you in a room with her over night, and suddenly she doesn't hate you?” he
asked, his expression puzzled. “Well, I didn't expect it to work. I'll have to keep that in
mind.”**

**Lily's POV-**

**“So he can be a real jerk. But he'd really good at Transfiguration, and you saw my
mouse…owl…thing. That'll probably be on the NEWT's and I can't mess up, not if I want
to be a healer.”**

**Michelle was somewhat annoyed by the fact that while I could have asked her to help, I went
running to Potter. “Well, at least you're talking to him again. I think Sirius Black was
actually concerned for him, and seeing Black worried…” Michelle shivered as if the sight wasn't
pleasant, but I really didn't know what she was talking about. I'd never seen Black upset,
at least not this year, except for at Christmas. But Sirius Black had always been upset at
Christmas.**

**It was on this note, (the note being that I was wondering if Potter was really that upset
that he'd had Black worried,) that I made my way to the owlery, to meet James for my first
lesson.**

**He must have already had it planned out, because he had an ink-black owl on his arm, and a
mouse in a cage next to him, on the rail. There was a little cleaned up area, a blanket laid out
for us to sit on, where he was kneeling on the wooden floor. Walking around the droppings, I sunk
down next to him. “I've been thinking. We'll work on this project tonight. Tomorrow
we'll work on turning the owl,” he gestured to the one perched one his arm “into a
mouse.”**

**He actually sounded like he knew what he was teaching, and when he taught, it seemed that he
did, by the end of the “lesson” I had learned more than one thing in the owlrey. I learned that
Potter took his Transfiguration seriously, just taught it in an unusual way. “Ignore the fact that
it's an owl, because that's not the point. The point is, it's one thing that could
become another.” He was almost saying it like McGonagall, and I actually wanted to listen.**

**“But it** **is** **an owl. Why ignore the fact that it is one?” All right, I was
genuinely curious. Patiently, he said**

**“Because if you focus on it now, you aren't going to ever be able to change other things
into mice.” This actually made sense, and I made a mental note to tell this to Michelle, who might
want the advice. There was a howl that pierced the night, drifting through the owlrey, and James
seemed to be brought out of his lesson by it. He paled visibly, his attention drawn to the
window.**

**“Well, that about wraps it up today, you can stay and practice if you want, but I've got
to go! I'll see you tomorrow, you owe me a date!” He called as he made his way quickly down the
ladder and out the door.**

**Boys.**

**Sirius's POV-**

**James still hadn't shown up, Remus had transformed and was hungry and Peter had almost
been eaten, not by Remus but a giant spider. And all of this because James was too afraid of a girl
to tell her that he needed to cancel what wasn't even a date. A study session. Since when did
James study? Idiot.**

**Of course, James had no idea we were on our deathbeds. He was quite content up in the owlrey,
(which we had been forced to help him clean,) with Ms. Evans, whom he was afraid of.**

**Girls.**

**Anyways, James came just in time again, like he always does. Just in time to control Moony,
who was almost biting me to keep me moving, (hey, werewolves are a bit faster than dogs!) and calm
Peter, who had been on my shoulder and was now perched, shaking on James's back. It appeared
the stag's calm demeanor soothed the rat, something I was not good for, especially at the
moment, seeing as I was pretty worked up myself, not with nerves with worry.**

**Moony usually does all of the worrying around here. But he was a werewolf, and would
therefore only remember the events of tonight in a daze without much detail. He wouldn't notice
Prongs's shabby coat, or the fact that he seemed to have lost even more weight when in stag
form. He even had that haunted look, the one that came with a suicidal.**

**James Potter was not suicidal. But he could get there.**

**I said it before, and have patience with me, I'll say it again. Girls.**

**Next Chapter summary: what if Lily enjoyed her day with the Marauders, and her moments with
James but James started avoiding Lily like the plague? Plus- I may give some insight as t how one
can get himself up the stairs to the girls dormitory. It's a good idea, I just have to place it
right. And it will probably be in both Sweet Dreams and Depression, which is so far not really
living up to it's name, but it**

**S too late to change it, and I'm technologically challenged. Anyways, that wraps that up,
I think. You never know, Padfoot could be right about it. But don't worry, he isn't. No
suicide on Portkey, right? I can play by the rules. Seriously, I wont if it's against the
rules, and I wouldn't anyways, James needs to be alive because of Harry.**



7. The Date and the Stag
------------------------



**Warning-this chapter seriously incorporates some things said and momentarily forgotten in
earlier chapters. In other words, if you haven't read my earlier chapters in a while, you may
not understand. Skim through them again, to see what you remember.**

**A.N.- Oh, wow. Why is it blue? I'm sorry, I'm not sure how to change it and I want
this idea out of me before bed, seeing as it's one in the morning, and if I don't get my
idea's out now, they wont let me sleep. Haha. I think the sleep deprivation is making me act
like this. Okay. I hope you liked the upload. And I owe an apology to gddssofdarkness- I'm
sorry I never finished your thank-you I read your review, and you were the second one who reviewed
wanting to read about the quidditch game, so right after your review, I tried to change it to add
the match and make it fit into the rest of the story. But because of your review, I added the
Quidditch part. So thank you.**

**Disclaimer- if I were J.K. I wouldn't have to put up such a struggle just to find a
company to publish my personal works; I'd already have one. And I most certainly wouldn't
be writing fanfic about my story. (Although, if anyone ever writes facfic about my other story, I
may consider it. writing fanfic on my own story, I mean.) So why am I even writing this? So I
don't get sued.**

**Sauron the Dark- Thanks, I think. I know this will sound very stupid, because most people my
age wouldn't ask, they'd just assume, but I have to be sure… what does it mean to burn both
ends of the candle? (Sleepy smile) Maybe I know, just not when I fall asleep at the keyboard.
Anyways, inquiring minds want to know! And I can't make James crash too hard, can I? I suppose
that would get me reported. But what if something drastic happened that finally made Lily realize
exactly what he's doing to himself, even if it isn't intentional? And what if it wasn't
James's fault, and Harry wasn't the only reason Voldemort attacked. What if Lily being an
Angelinos caught Voldemort's eye, and she had a connection to him? What if James had a
connection to Voldemort? What would Lily think of James then? Anyways I think now I've given
away part of the story, and I'm ranting, so I'll stop. This fic may have been darker, but
this is portkey, where everything is organized and everyone's happy, so I guess I'll have
to find another site and this one, Portkey for good fics…that one for bad. (Two in the
morning.)**

**sweetkiwi456- Sweet! If I come up with anything, I'll let you know! I love elves! (Sorry,
I mean forest ones, not Santa's little helpers.) My stories of the same nature, about a
different world and such. Give me your im or e-mail; sometime I will seriously have to tell you
about it. It sound like something you may be interested in, and I'm already interested in
yours! And I'm glad you enjoyed my owlrey part, I think I may have more, I enjoyed writing it
and had the idea forever, just no way to get it out. Cheers!**

**Thank you to all who say I have a gift. When I was rejected, you gave me hope for my
dreams.**

**Thank you to those who have flames. Without you, I wouldn't know why I was rejected, and
as such would be incapable of fixing it.**

**Lily-**

**There was no way on earth that I, Lily Jean Evans, was worried about what to wear to
Hogsmade. Even if it was on my first date, with a guy who I used to despise, and now care about.
Although I refuse to admit this. But no, I'm not nervous.**

**Bloody hell, I was petrified. “You could fake sick, you know.” Michelle suggested. “But I
really wouldn't. Potter might wind up really sick.” I paused I tossing yet another sweater over
my shoulder. I swear these trunks are big, but not big enough to see all of the choices.**

**“I have no notion of what you are talking about, nor do I particularly care. I'm going to
wind up spending the day surrounded by idiots, taunted by Slytherins and glared at James
Potter's fan club.” I replied bitterly. But Michelle saw right through that little act. This
could have been because I am a very bad lair, or Michelle is just very good at reading people.
Anyways, just because she was right didn't keep me from denying the truth.**

**“Potter's sick in love, or hate, or something. And besides, you still have me.” while I
knew this, and I was grateful for Michelle agreeing to come along as Remus's date, I love to
get to her. I guess it only happens when I'm given such a good opening and opportunity.**

**“As I said, I'm surrounded by idiots. Normally I only have to put up with one, being you,
but today there four more.” I replied this with the straightest face I could keep. Michelle
analyzed the choices of clothing I had spread across my four-poster.**

**“Not fair. Remus isn't much of an idiot, he got high marks on his O.W.L's like you,
and he was a prefect.” Michelle stated that last comment like that ended the matter right there. I
just rolled my eyes, quite ignoring the fact that Michelle had forgotten to defend herself and had
instead defended Lupin.**

**Finally, as I pulled a soft white sweater over my head, I asked, “Michelle, why are you
continuously bring up Potter and his so called “depression?”**

**(“Because it's the name of the story.” She replied. No, just kidding, I wouldn't do
that.)**

**“Because I don't think you've noticed it enough. I don't like James Potter
anymore than you do, but the halls are literally dead. This is our last year at Hogwarts, and the
Marauder's haven't pulled a decent prank in forever. To be honest, it was kind of fun,
putting up with both them and their antics. Remus says-“**

**“Oh, what does Remmy say?” I knew it sounded childish, but I didn't want to hear anymore
about this particular topic. It didn't work.**

**“Don't call him that, Remus says James isn't eating, he takes midnight walks on his
own, and he barely even talks anymore. Can't you get his straitened out at your next head
meeting, or on your date or something? He'll probably open up to you-he really liked you- and
anything would give us something to go on.”**

**“Speaking of which, did you hear why the last few have been cancelled?” This finally caught
Michelle's attention, and turned her fully away from any topic regarding a romantic interest
with James Potter. It took something pretty important for Dumbledore to cancel anything.**

**“No. What happened?” Michelle asked, applying make up. Honestly, I may be nervous, but
I'm not stupid. I applied my make up using magic, and it took Michelle a moment to remember
that she could do so as well.**

**“There was an attack on Hexford. Apparently, Dumbledore's been over there straitening
things out. They almost cancelled the trip today, but there would have been too many complaints.” I
was finally ready, and for once, I somehow managed to be late.**

**As we entered the Great Hall to meet with the Marauders, I overheard, once again, another
prank being planned by the infamous Marauders. “ We'll need some enlargement enrichment,
some…oh, uh, hey Michelle, Lily.” I couldn't help but smile at Remus, who seemed to be planning
the prank with Black, nor could I help but notice that on the slip of parchment they were leaning
over, James handwriting wasn't on it. And James wasn't whispering with them. In fact, James
wasn't doing much of anything, except looking down at his plate, playing with his scrabbled
eggs using a fork. Michelle caught my eyes when James uttered a quiet greeting, and I felt a surge
of guilt at the look she sent me. But just as I was about to apologize for earlier this year, and
get it over with, he stood and sad that we'd all better get going.**

**Sirius-**

**“Oh, bloody hell, I think he saw us!” Peter squeaked. I prayed, for both our sanity and
Lily's safety that he hadn't. James wouldn't really appreciate knowing that, in order
to look out for him, the other Marauders, Michelle, and myself had tracked he and Lily for the last
few hours.**

**We followed them into The Three Broomsticks, putting a safe distance between us. I heard
James say “I'm surprised you didn't tell everyone in Hogwarts about my invisibility cloak.”
Lily, who appeared to be studying James carefully, perhaps finally noticing what I had been noting
for the past month, said**

**“Why would I?”**

**“Because then you could tell the word how you finally figured out the secret of the Marauders
and their disappearing acts.” They seemed to be trying to make conversation, but I could already
tell it wasn't going too far. Lily continued trying but James seemed in a daze, and this time I
was fairly sure it had nothing to do with Lily and her beauty.**

**“What's wrong?” So Lily had noticed it too.**

**“Have you ever gotten the feeling someone was watching you?” James asked, looking around,
then finally focusing on the large beam in the middle of the room, holding the pub up, where Moony
and Michelle were hiding. He stood up and walked slowly around it, while Michelle and Remus did the
same on the opposite side of him, so he couldn't see them, frantically motioning for silence
from Lily. Lily only laughed.**

**“What?” James asked, annoyed, as he sat back down.**

**“Nothing.” Lily giggled. “You're just being paranoid.”**

**“No, it's not just that. I have this feeling, just like…”**

**“Like what?” lily actually seemed concerned, and I wondered if maybe this date could go a
little better that what I had been anticipating when I had sent Michelle, Remus Peter and myself on
the mission of protecting James from a broken heart. (Although Michelle insisted that she'd
seen how he'd been acting, and she thought his heart was already broken.)**

**“Well…”Lily drifted off. “I'm glad you've told no one that I'm an Angelinos.” She
said it somewhat broodingly, and I knew she had been looking forward to yelling at him for it. It
would be a reason to tell James off.**

**“To be honest, Evans, I almost forgot.”**

**“Almost? Lily asked. I could tell she was mentally cursing him.**

**“Hey, I need my blackmail.” James replied bitterly. “I don't think this was a good idea.”
I actually saw a look of hurt cross Lily's face, I swear I did! But the date didn't seem to
be what he was talking about. “I've got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I got the same
feeling the day Hexford was attacked.”**

**“Relax, your just too nervous.” She replied, taking a sip of butterbeer. But I knew James and
his odd, nervous feelings. They usually were right. I mentally called to Dumbledore's, using my
lack-luster occlumency; I called to him to try and get Hogwarts out of Hogsmade.**

**If Prongs was right on another of his feelings, (and, seeing as both of his parents were
Aurors, he usually is,) Hogsmade was in trouble.**

**James-**

**I had known something was wrong, but had kept it to myself. It was just a feeling in the pit
of my stomach, and not from looking at Lily Evans. I don't get that feeling anymore. Anyways, I
really knew something bad was going to happen. And I wasn't surprised when a teacher came in
and called the attention of all Hogwarts students and residents of Hogsmade.**

**“We need your corroperation. We have been informed that and attack is in the planning, and
will, for your safety, be sending all students back to their houses.” `Immediate whispers followed
this, and I stood rather abruptly, leading Lily by the arm out the door and into the carriages. She
let me pull her arm, and I couldn't help but notice that her face showed blind panic. Her
bright red hair blew wildly around her face, but the air was so still, and I knew that whatever it
was that was here, possibly Voldemort, could be after Lily. She'd be very useful in such a
situation, being able to levitate items at any give time without a wand.**

**I gently pushed her up in the carriage, though I would rather have not been near her at all.
The point behind this date was to show her that I wasn't what she had originally made me up to
be, a spoiled arrogant idiot. And my point, it seemed had been proven at our first lesson. Why
couldn't she just leave me alone?**

**The ride back roved interesting. “James,” Lily seemed to be carefully considering how best to
approach whatever subject she was bringing up. I nodded, thinking that this had something to do
with Voldemort. “Um… You aren't really that upset about what I said in the room at Christmas,
are you? I mean, you know, the whole…”Lily scrunched up her face, “Well, I can't exactly
remember what I said, but something to the likes of me hating you.”**

**It wasn't that that had been bothering me, although those words had made it worse. I
didn't understand what Lily Evans had against me, when I rarely pulled a prank on her. And at
the beginning of the term, she had taken my asking her out as a joke. I wanted her to know I had
been serious about it. And now, she knew. But she was worried, along with Remus, Sirius, and Peter
(who didn't understand how I could like a muggle born so much, when all she did was hurt
me).**

**“Look, Evans.” I said, addressing her no differently than I always had. “I am fine. You have
no reason to worry, none of you do. I eat when I'm hungry, I sleep when I'm tired, and I
study when…” I paused for comical humor, hoping to get her mind off of the matter. “Well, I
don't suppose I do study. So about studying, we can teach you tonight how to turn the owl into
the mouse fully, and then you'll understand that subject.” All right, so I was in a rush to
finish my end of the deal. I had proved to everyone that I could handle Lily Evans, and it was
worth it. But I didn't want to spend any more time than necessary with her.**

**“What about all of the other topics on NEWTS?” She asked. I think I visibly bulged, and
retorted bitterly**

**“Enlist McGonagall, she's a big help. I only know so much.” There was absolutely no way I
was teaching her anymore then that.**

**Lily-**

**It was about an hour after Potter's lesson, and I was starting to notice the changes in
him. He seemed more controlled, and at the same time more moody, except in the owlrey during our
lessons. In there he was patient and kind, almost even, to some degree, humble.**

**“I wonder if that's what he acts like around his friends.” I murmured to the air in
general. I know, this seems like insanity, murmuring to mid-air. But when I was little, I used to
do such things, because I already knew how to levitate objects. Other people knew about my gift
from my sister, even though my parents had tried to keep it a secret. When I was little, I'd
always been alone. So talking out loud to myself was nothing new to me. But it seemed like this
time, nature responded. A stag cantered up to the edge of the lake, and cautiously approached me. I
turned, still sitting on the ground, to meet its eyes, and saw a haunted look in them.**

**“What did you go through, huh?” The stag, rather than fleeing at my voice, walked closer.
Finally, he sunk next to me, letting me lean on him. Together, this stag and I watched the sun
set.**

**I'm not very sure about that as an ending for a chapter, but it was worth a shot. The
next one may have some comedy in it, I'm not sure. But I feel like I have to make the time lost
up to you all, so I'm trying to update quickly. Any praise or flames appreciated. Will have
steps next time.**



8. The loss
-----------



**AN- I was grounded from the computer for a while, (and still am, I'm updating where mum
can't find me!) but here's my update. It's somewhat sudden, and you may not like it,
but it's going to play a part in my plot. Anyways, I have some reviewers to thank, only two,
but those two thrilled me!**

**Sweetkiwi456- hey! I'm glad you liked my ending; I'm pretty sure that if you liked
the last one, you wont fancy this one, but it's un-avoidable, and somewhat predictable.
Anyways, keep me posted on your own story, and I'll keep you posted on mine. If you have an
e-mail or AIM and don't mind sharing, I really want to talk to someone who sounds so like me!
Anyways, just a thought.**

**Galexytext- THANKYOU SO MUCH! You have no idea how much I'd like to take part in a round
robin, especially one concerning Lily and James! (smile!) Thank you thank you thank you! I hope you
can afford to wait up; I was grounded from the computer for a week! Thank you thank you, and any
time you want to include me, please do! (Still smiling, and now squealing!)**

**Disclaimer- do I look rich? No. Leave it at that.**

**James**

“HOW COULD YOU SHOW PRONGS TO HER IF YOU HATE HER? HOW COULD YOU EVEN IF YOU LOVE HER? IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE REMUS'S SECRET, OUR SECRET!” Sirius lowered his voice, noticing the
werewolf's glare. Afterward, he continued to rant, but I didn't pay him much attention.
I'd pretty much learned to block Padfoot out around third year, and had during such occasions
ever since. It wasn't as though I hadn't known it was coming, and I was still trying to
answer for myself the question Padfoot had asked moments before.

I hadn't planned on sitting next to Lily like that, it had just sort of happened. **Well,
this is interesting.** I thought to myself in amusement. **My own feelings died for Evans, but
my stag's feelings haven't changed at all.** Right now, I wasn't exactly sure of what
I felt towards Lily, and I wasn't less sure I wanted to find out. I had just transformed to run
off some stress, (which was her fault I had in the first place) when I happened to notice Evans by
the lake, tears streaming silently down her face. She had made no effort to wipe the tears away,
and I could help but notice she looked lonely.

She looked a little less lonely now, walking in through the portrait, and I wasn't about to
talk to her and give myself away on accident. (I seemed to have a tendency to do this when my minds
as cluttered as it is at the moment.) So I did the only thing I could think of. Yeah, I know, real
brave of me. But I ran.

“Hey, I'm not done with you yet!” Sirius called.

“Oh, sod off, Padfoot.” I think that may have been the limit, and raced off before I could cause
any more trouble. I ran through the portrait and into the halls, unsure were I was going, and not
really caring were I ended up.

I transformed when I reached the grounds, welcoming the feelings of freedom that accompanied my
stag form. When I ran, it was like flying. Nothing else seemed to matter. I wound up, without
realizing it, right by the shrieking shack, welcoming the familiarity. What I saw through the trees
astounded me.

Half of Hogsmade was in ruin. Burning homes and jobs, smoke, and fallen trees made the street
look littered the streets amongst human bodies. And yeah, I'd been aware of the battle being
waged, having been told to inform all students why they were no longer aloud in Hogsmade. The Death
Eaters had shown up about an hour after Hogwarts had called it's student's back early, and
it looked as though the number of casualties was even on both sides. But knowing this didn't
make it any better.

The other half was a combination of people running, spells, Death Eaters, (in my mind, they
aren't people,) and Aurors (in my opinion, they're better than average people). I saw more
than half of the people working in my parents department, people I had grown up knowing, throwing
out the occasional spell, and defending themselves with shielding charms. Even more Aurors were
apparating back and forth amongst the few daring healers who went into the battle to retrieve the
victims, coming to their aid. I saw my dad, brown hair bloody and hands burnt, throwing spells at
anything coming his way, no longer on offence, but on defense. I heard his shouting out the spells
and saw a number of curses being thrown his way successfully dodged when I heard him cry out and
drop his shields.

I watched him as he half raced half scrambled to get over the rubble to my mother, who had been
trying to escape to heal her wounds, and felt the tears coming as son as she fell to her knees. I
was about to rush to her side, then saw my dad pick her up, and watched through someone else's
eyes as both of them dissapperated. Suddenly aware that I was in the center of an all-out
battlefield, and scrambled back up the hill I had just moments before stumbled down. I felt a wave
of heat come at my back, and fell as soon as it hit my back. I felt my body become human again,
using my energy so that at least no one would know my secret, and, successful in that, stumbled
blindly into the edges of Hogsmade, the destroyed village.

* * *

When I woke up, the sunlight was coming through the curtains; Sirius, Remus and Peter were
asleep either on the hospital beds or, in Sirius's case, in the uncomfortable position on one
of the chairs by my bedside. I shifted and tried to sit up, and was held back by a searing,
splitting pain up my spine. Biting my lip hard enough to almost draw blood, I stifled any noise and
quietly woke up Sirius.

“Huh?” Sirius said, falling out of his chair. “JAMES, YOU'RE AWAKE!” So much for quiet. The
others woke up too, still groggy. Why did it have to be Sirius next to the bed? I tried to talk,
but my mouth seemed glued shut. Remus, always ready, handed me a glass of water, and the first
words of my mouth, rather than thanking them for waiting only god knows how long next to my bed,
were “What happened?”

At this moment, the headmaster walked in, followed by Madam Pomfery, the new healer, who
immediately started to kick-out the protesting Marauders. Ignoring them, I eyed Dumbledore and
repeated my earlier question. “What happened?”

“You seem to have a knack for appearing at the wrong place, at the wrong time.” He replied. He
was trying to lighten up the situation, but the twinkle I'd grown used to was missing, and I
had that same feeling, the one I'd been having ever since Voldemort's rise. “Would you like
me to remind you where we found you, or have you remembered the events of that day already?”

The events of what day? Slowly, I remembered Lily and our date, if it could be called that,
watching the sun set, and going out for a run much later that night. I remembered seeing my mother
fall, and seeing my father rush to her. I was trying so hard to stay calm, but a wave of panic
overcame me. “What happened to them?” Dumbledore swallowed hard before saying

“Your father made it out, but your mother took a severe blow to the head, and was out into a
coma. This morning she passed away.” I wouldn't believe it. I didn't want to. Dumbledore
seemed to sense that I needed time alone, and allowed Madam Pomfery to check my vitals, made sure I
would live, apologized for my loss, then left.

The school nurse explained that I'd been severely burnt, and that, if I applied the tonic,
over time it would heal. I just gave her that I knew was a blank look, then asked stupidly, “Which
pain?” she sucked in a breath, unsure of what to say, then dismissed me, but not before telling me
to check in with her in a week.

I ran out of there faster than I had ever run as a stag, then threw up in the corridor. It
wasn't because of the pain of losing a parent. I didn't feel that pain, or even the
stabbing pains lacing up my back, although I should have. All I felt was numb.

**Lily-**

I had never seen a boy cry. Not one any older than three anyways, but the four Marauders were
there, in the common room, at three in the morning. And two of them were crying. Lupin and Black
weren't sobbing, just letting the tears run from their eyes. Peter Pettigrew seemed in shock.
James seemed emotionless, until he finally blinked and I saw a single tear roll down his face.
Somehow, that tear made the situation, whatever the it may be, all the more real. I didn't
think this would be the right time to interrupt, but I knew James had been in the hospital wing,
although no one but the Marauders had been allowed to visit, and I wondered what trouble he'd
gotten himself into this time. Black finally broke the silence of the common room, saying, “If you
found this out this afternoon, where were you for the last six hours?”

“Crying. Flying. Running.” James replied in a monotone, and I noticed that his face was red, his
eyes swollen. Bloody hell. If Potter was that upset, it had to be pretty bad. Black just shook his
head. “ Brilliant. Just bloody brilliant! She was like my mother too, you know! You should have at
least come back to say something.”

James just shook his head, his voice thin and wavering as he said “Padfoot, I really don't
need this right now.” His thin and strong form was shaking. Black started shaking with him, then
took an unnoticed black envelope from James's hand and opened it to read it once again. He
looked as if he was about to throw it in the fire, but James summoned it and smoothed it out.
Folding it with care, he stood up from his spot on the couch and said in a calm voice, “I'm
going to bed.” Nobody stopped him; they just silently followed him up the stairs to the dorm they
shared.

When I was sure they had left, I pulled my book out and sat down in the same spot Potter had
been seated in moments before. It was a muggle romance novel, one that my own mother had sent for
Christmas. I tried to block out what I had just seen, but curiosity was killing me. Judging from
what I had hear, something had happened to James's mother. He had, after all, been the one to
hold the letter, the one who had been missing and crying most of the day.

I heard footsteps on the stairs to the boy's dorm and turned silently to see James Potter
walking down the stairs. It had to be a few hours after the crying incident, and I had to assume
all of the others were asleep. I had been practicing levitating things without a wand, and actually
controlling were they go, when he had come down, thus the reason I was up reading at sun-up. I
could tell from the red eyes and black shadows under them he hadn't slept at all.

“Why aren't you asleep?” I asked, grateful it was only him, and he already knew my secret,
so I didn't have to stop my practicing. The thing about being an Angelinos was, I had strong
magical capabilities and could perform wand-less magic with hard effort. Still, that was an
accomplishment, and if I practiced enough I wouldn't have to work so hard without my wand.

James smiled wryly at my question. “I would ask you the same question, but I already know the
answer. Me, I'm never going to sleep again.”

“Bad dreams?”

“Bad memories.” Jams replied meekly. “Bad memories that used to be god. They told me to try
remembering my favorite times with her, but that only makes it hurt worse.” He sounded a lot like a
little kid would, but I could relate. I'd probably have been worse than him if I'd lost my
mother. He restlessly looked around, and then said “you know, I know a much better place to
practice, if you want. You could use it in the day in your spare time, and it'd have whatever
you need to test yourself.”

“And what do you get out of this magnanimous offer of yours?” I asked bitterly. Part of it had
to do with the fact that I had been up half the night, and part may have been that I still
didn't trust him. He either liked me or he didn't. Apparently, James Potter's mind
isn't that simple, because as he would have before replied “the pleasure of your company” he
now simply said “something to do.”

I swear he's more emotional than me. And aren't females supposed to suffer the mood
swings? Emotional or not, he was giving me a room with everything I wanted in it, and who could
turn down the offer?

So he got the invisibility cloak, which was one of my conditions if I had to follow him, and we
quietly climbed out of the portrait just as the sun rose. We wandered for what seemed like was
forever, but only was really a few minutes, before James stopped us. “You walk past this stop in
the wall three times and think hard on what you want.

**I need somewhere to secretly practice wandless magic. I need somewhere to work without the
worry of someone finding me. I need books on Angelinos.**

A polished door appeared in front of me, and James opened it and stepped inside without
hesitation, like he didn't really care what was in there or rather it was dangerous or not.
Which I'm pretty sure he didn't. “Nice.” He commented, looking around. On one wall, there
were books on what I was and my abilities, while on the other wall, there was a table with
porcelain trays for me to practice levitating, a large and comfortable looking chair. James seemed
to scrutinize the room before saying “I'd assume you want to practice through breakfast.” I
nodded reverently, ignoring the quiet rumble in my stomach. James smiled without humor and a tray
of eggs, sausages, orange juice, and my other favorites appeared on the table. “That should hold
you over. I've got to go. Sirius'll be awake any moment now, and less tired. He'll be
pissed if it looks like I'm hiding from him.” With a small wave he left. I noted that he'd
only left for me my favorite breakfast foods. Did he really know me that well? It made we wonder
how often he'd watched me eat. It wasn't a comforting thought.

**Sirius-**

Where James was before breakfast, I wasn't sure. I was pretty positive I would never know
especially if it had to do with his mother or Evans, who was missing from the table. I would know,
because James kept staring at her empty chair.

It wasn't healthy for him to brood, and he had been all year. His mother's death
wouldn't help. He'd been extremely close to her, and his father was an alcoholic, and
though he'd quit a while ago, his wife's death and having his son away at school might give
him more time than he should to think over things. I didn't want James to get started on the
firewhiskey.

A black owl caught everyone's attention as it led the mail, and dropped another black
envelope, similar to the one I'd read from hours before. James paled, and I mentally cursed. My
voice was gone, or I would have said these words aloud, but I saw James relax, and hand me the
message with care, telling me to be careful with it before walking to only god and perhaps Evans
knew, leaving his food once again untouched

**To whom it may concern,**

**In the line of duty, Mrs. Harriet Potter fell in the midst of a Death Eater attack. She saved
many lives in her line of work, and we appreciate her service. We regret to inform you that Mrs.
Potter's funeral ceremony, as well as the ceremony mourning the loss of others who fell during
the attack on March the 24****th****, will be held at 12:00 on Saturday the
27****th****. We apologize for your loss Sincerely**

**Matilda Periwinkle**

Yeah right, I thought, annoyed. They were real sympathetic. (Note my sarcasm, I've been told
it's one of my few Slytherin traits.) I watched James walk off, apparently excusing himself
from his lessons. No one tried to stop him.



9. Nightmares and Lily
----------------------



**AN- sorry, I know I haven't written in a while, I just have a lot going on in terms of my
art, writings, novel and poetry. It all just sort of caught up with me, and it seemed everything
was due right before spring break, which I have just gotten off. Again, sorry for the delay, but
thank you for your patience and remember it could've been worse! (No really, it could have!)
Now, to the reviews, then the story.**

**Sweetkiwi456- YAY! Someone actually got what I was hinting at when I repeated the part about
the burns going up his back! It make one wonder, how would a human, without being tied down and
lain on a table, get burns** **up** **his back, and not around his back, or directly on his
back! Anyways, I was going to have a little talk with Dumbledore in this chapter, and have him hint
that he's on to the Marauders, (even though he never really figures them out.) Hope yah like!
And thanks for the e-mail address I'll send yah something sometime, maybe a prolog of my story,
Wolf Magick. (I know, weird name, I'll explain it in the book.) Anyways, good luck with yours!
And have you come up with a name?**

**hermionemalfoy-evil name, I know I loved your review, and I'm so glad you liked it, but
evil name. It would be amusing though, from what I've read.**

**prongsgurl- Millionth time, NOT E-MAIL! And call me, we have to find someone to edit, mom
will never get it done!**

**JayaMioneDurron- love the name, and thanks so much for reviewing this time, you have no idea,
(or maybe you do) how good it feels, even just to get one appreciative review! Glad you liked the
stag, because the transformations will play a key part in many up-coming events! And I know
it's sad, that's why it's called depression! And what does delurks mean?**

**Sweet Dreams Reviewers-**

**Lady Akako-don't worry, I'm planning on staying this time… I hope. And thanks, I love
looping back to the beginning, you may see that in my other fics. THANK YOU!**

**Anonymous- thank for asking the time to review. Hopefully, whoever you are, you read this fic
so you know I can thank you.**

**Sauron the Dark- can I assume you know all about blackmail and treachery. (Smirk) a true
Slytherin? Anyways, I thought about what you said, and you're right, more padding, (although I
took the bones compliment nicely.) maybe later I'll re-write Sweet Dreams and try to add some
of that padding. While things may not be different, it could be interesting, and people that
didn't read it before could get a better version now. See, I do take your advice to heart.
(Smirk again)**

**Still missing- my muse. Black hair, black eyes, hates me, and tends to give me good ideas and
bad endings. Evil devil smile and laugh that sends chills down the spine. Lives up to and answers
to the name `devil'. If found, please send via review or e-mail.**

**Disclaimer- why do we write these if we know we aren't J.K., and we use the name portkey.
ORG, meaning non-profit organization? Just asking.**

**James-**

So far, I'd been pretty reckless, and I was very aware of it. Showing Lily Prongs, running
to Hogsmade and passing out were just a few of the many times I'd almost gotten caught. But I
very narrowly avoided another incident, this one started by the Headmaster himself.

There's something you should know about Dumbledore before we continue. He knows, more or
less, everything that happens in his school, and we've always wondered how he knew it. Thus the
Marauder's map, the midnight trips to memorize every school corridor, the knowledge of each
house's password and the pranks pulled year-round. But we have yet to figure him out.

I think it bothered him that for once, he was out of the picture. At least when it came to my
burns. Madam Pomfery couldn't quite pace together how I'd gotten burnt *up* my back,
and I'm pretty sure she'll never know. So now, every time I stretch wrong and
Dumbledore's anywhere nearby, he asks a similar question about my burns. Normally I'm
expecting it. This time, however the headmaster caught me off-guard.

“Mister Potter.” He was asking one day after a head meeting, “You have been getting your
treatments for the burns?” As much as I wanted to snap at him, he'd said nothing, (much to my
disappointment,) I could yell at him for. He'd simply asked an even simpler question, one that
only demanded a yes or no answer. But the yes or no answer was like a life-or-death question.
Because if he so much as mentioned the burns, I was a goner. I'd never been good at lying, (or
cheating, or stealing) and Dumbledore's piercing blue eyes didn't help at all. So instead I
just continued gathering up my stuff, and acted avoided the headmaster's stare.

“Yes.” I replied tensely, very aware of Lily hanging on our every word. (Nosy, insufferable,
annoying-)

“Those were some rather unusual burns.” Oh, there goes my train of thought. “I knew magical fire
could take a while to heal, but they almost left a pattern up you spine, rather than at a
particular area of your back. Perhaps you can explain the patterns?”

“Huh?” I froze on the spot, knowing he was referring to the lines up my back. It must have
something to do with being a four-legged animal that left the lines because I even had to admit
they made me look suspicious. But no animagus had ever been burnt up the back before that I was
aware of, or Dumbledore would've instantly called me on it.

“Yes, the lines running up your back, combined with the fact that in the snow we found no human
footprints. In fact, we only found you because of the Kneazles they've been training to find
those injured but alive. So how exactly did you get there, without walking, and survive such a
burn?”

“ Snow must have melted, or been covered over in that time, because I did run there.”
Half-truths were better than whole lies. Still, I could feel my face heating up. Dumbledore
didn't seem satisfied with my answer, but didn't want to push the matter too far, not in
front Lily, so he excused me, reminding me again that if I ever needed to talk I could notify one
of the teachers and within moments he'd be in his office. Right, like I was going to talk to
the headmaster about how I'd seen my mum die. But I nodded anyways and excused myself. Hey,
I'd actually gotten away with it! I knew that muggle card game Bullshit would help. (AN- I hate
cussing.)

Lily wouldn't let it go as easily as the Headmaster though. She followed me back to the
common room, at first silent, then voicing her opinion on the issue. That had been one of the
reasons I'd liked her to begin with-nope, not going there again!

“You know, people are actually starting to worry about-“

“Evans, not now.” I said, knowing I sounded tired. “I'm going to bed.” But I could swear as
I left I heard her mention a stag, and a quiet one at that. I waited till I heard her footsteps
retreat on the Girl's Dormitory stairs, then pulled the invisibility cloak over my head. Call
me scared, but I couldn't sleep, knowing what I would remember and hear about that night.
Instead, I brought my homework and actually finished it. In the end, even though I swore I'd
never sleep, I dozed off on the couch in a chair.

**Lily-**

I'll be plain and flat-out when I say the reason I went back downstairs. I was somewhat
worried about James Potter. Maybe it was guilt that I'd been the one to make him like this,
maybe it was something else, but I didn't believe James Potter when he said he went to sleep.
He looked like he hadn't actually had a decent sleep for at least a week. He looked even worse
when I came back to the common room. Just as I thought he might, he had stayed down there, and
covered himself with the invisibility cloak. It had slipped off during his fit-full sleep so now I
pulled it off him and made him fully visible.

I have no idea what it was he saw that day, how he got the burns up his back, or how he managed
to run and make no footprints in the mud and snow. But I know it all relates to whatever he'd
be dreaming right now. He was tossing and mumbling, but never screaming or pleading. And all right,
so I was curious. Are you saying you wouldn't be? So I placed the tips of my fingers on his
sweaty brow and tried something I'd only read about, but never done, dream readings. Angels
used to do dream readings to interpret what they saw in them or ease someone's nightmares or
minds. I didn't know anything as fancy as that, and even if I had; I doubt I could have pulled
it off. All I did was get a scrambled image of this thoughts, the things he saw and heard.

I watched people, Aurors I could sense he had known, dying, falling from both death curses and
bleeding wounds. I saw his mother, blood-soaked and battle-weary, being helped and held by someone
who only could have been James's father. (The messy brown-black hair was a dead give away.) I
felt James's pain as he saw a scrambled and swimming mix of images, sinking in mud as he tried
to run. His four legs slid and…wait, what was James doing with four legs and no arms. I
couldn't, for the life of me, have told you *what* James was. I was in too much of a
panic. But he sure as hell wasn't human. I felt his own pain and fear as he tried to run, and
saw the final image with a sickening clarity I hadn't had with the others. It was my own face,
sneering at me. (Or him, rather.) Soon I was lost in his mind, and stuck no matter how hard I tried
to pull out.

*We regret to inform you Mrs. Potter's funeral…”Daddy, I thought you stopped
drinking”…Mom…”Don't tell Sirius about your father's problems, honey. He could lose his
job, and that's not something else you have to burden the poor boy with, he has it
worse”…”Everyone et out, Hogsmade's under attack…A man was carrying a woman's body off of a
grey and bleak battle field…”I wouldn't go out with you if it were a choice between you and the
giant squid!”…*

I pulled away at that last shouted image, the one of Snape and myself. Things were getting
really out of control. And what was that about Potter being an animal? Because when I had been
inside his head, that was how it had been. He'd had four legs and something heavy on his
head.

I didn't wake him up. Somehow, I just tried to comfort him, rushing to get a wet washcloth
and fussing over him. Eventually he stopped twisting in the cloak and his shakes were reduced to
shivers and shudders. (So many s's.) I left Potter there, unsure of what else to do, as the sun
came up. Knowing he'd wake up soon, I went to up the stairs and to bed. I had no lessons today,
thank god. I hadn't had a decent night of sleep for two days now. Even if I had, I think I
would've done exactly what I did. I went upstairs and fell asleep.

**Sirius-**

James hadn't been in his bed when I'd woken up. I knew nothing was wrong, because I
would've felt it. James and I have a connection like that. I'd known something was wrong
when his mother had… well, you know. Not because he was missing, but because you have this feeling
in the pit of your stomach. Remus had it too, but I can't say Peter did. Then again, that
didn't surprise me. Peter's pretty un-sensitive.

James was stretching out on the couch in the common room when I came down. Remus and Peter were
still asleep, but I'd heard James get up last night. I'd been closer to Miss. Harriet that
my own mother, had even been told I could call her `mum'. I never had though. Now I regretted
it.

I sat down next to James, unsure of what to do. “Did you put this here?” He asked, gesturing to
a wet washcloth. I had to wonder why he would ask. I wouldn't have had the common sense to get
a wet washcloth, and had had no reason to.

“No.”

“Oh. I suppose we should get ready. Funeral's today.”

“We.” As honored as I was, I wasn't sure I'd be able to go without crying. Trying to
think up a good reason to avoid it, I said “they'll never let me in. I'm a black,
remember?” But already I felt guilty for abandoning my friend to such a depression. It was like
watching him hurt himself and not doing anything.

“You can go as Padfoot if you have to.” I mumbled in reply and went to get ready. A funeral.
Great. Well, at least as Padfoot I'd be wearing black. The name really fits. We left about an
hour later on the train, but ran into Snivellus on our way out.

“So, Potter. Heard your mudblood mother finally got what she had coming.”

“Shut it Severus. I'm not in the mood.” James replied, his face turned away. He didn't
even stop, just continued out the front doors and to the train. We rode to the meeting place for
those who lost loved ones in the Hogsmade battle in silence, James looking out the window and
myself staring into space. Neither of us had anything to say.

I didn't know Snivellus had a first name.

**Blackmail- yes, I'm once again bringing out the blackmail. Five reviews and I update!
Seriously, I'll try to get the next chapter up within the week I get the five. (I've got a
little more time now, for reasons I wish not to explain.) Again, even if I have five, all reviews
are appreciated.**

**-padfoot_puppyeyes**



10. Things done for friendship
------------------------------



**AN- Alrighty, confession time. First off, I have only been to one funeral in my life, and it
was for a great aunt I never had met, never even heard about. I was young and didn't really
understand or, indeed, pay attention. I might need to ask ProngsGurl on this one, I'm sure
she's been to one for someone in her family or another that she wasn't very close to, (god,
Prongs, you do have an extended family so don't you dare whack me over the head when you read
this, it's not my fault!) anyways, confession two is that while I began writing this the day
after I got my fifth review, which wasn't until three days later, I have no idea when it will
be posted. It all depends on whether I make it into the new `gifted art's' program for
artists or not. If I do, I may need to submit more drawings and forms, and… it's complicated.
But if I don't I should have loads more free time, to both work on finishing my novel, (last
chapter to type,) and work on my fanfiction! Anyways, I have some reviewers to thank, but at the
moment I am working on the computer in my room, and that one doesn't have the Internet. I only
remember my most recent reviews, and apologize if things seem a little out-of-order, but assure you
all that if you do review me, I will thank you before continuing. Anyways, here it goes…**

**Sweetkiwi456- hey, that's such a cool name, `the butterfly tattoo,' weird that
another book has it, so yeah I guess you're back to square one. Good luck on that, and if you
give me the theme for your book I may be able to come up with something. I'm not sure. Anyways,
e-mail me sometime, my address is on my author info. And thank you, yes, you were the smart one,
and I know how it feels to feel smart. (Wink)**

**ProngsGurl- thanks you for treating my reviews as a serious matter and no longer using them
as a form or e-mail. Also, I didn't mean to use his last name, and I didn't, not really,
he's `Burgen', not `burden!' yes, I'm positive, I saw it on the inside of his
notebook. Get up your courage and ask him to the dance, before I have to do it for you, (and you
know how I can get about these particular things!) anyways, I'm serious, he ahs to got or
I'm not dancing with my `Evans' and I stand firm on the subject. Anyways, this thank you is
really long, so good luck with Megan, she seems quite the handful, it's not fair that you say
your parents always have you watch her and Pat, but I guess there's not very mush you can do,
huh?**

**Fire Gazer- Yeah, Snape really is a git, especially in my story, but I really can't help
it, I hate the guy! And I know, I guess maybe it's a little too sad, his mum dying, but the
Evans problem will soon be taken care of, and the mother problem… well, some things can't be
fixed, (but Padfoot's gonna try in this one. Oops, I gave something away.) And I really
can't make James suicidal, I don't think portkey would've allowed it, or he probably
would be. That's just the way the things I write turn up, dark.**

**JayaMoineMafloy- hey, I never knew what delurking meant, thank you for that little lesson.
(Delurking…lurking… oh, I'll be using those two words so much now… smile) And I still love that
name! The last line of that chapter came from the back of my mind, and weird stuff can come up from
back there, I'm tellin' you weird stuff! But in the end the dark part of my head is usually
right. (Scary, huh?)**

**Wanting an update- I feel so special, you've reviewed me two times in a row! That's
so cool. And also, I know in the end they get together, (as does everyone else reading Harry
Potter, so I sound like an idiot here,) but James may be a little reluctant now to open up, and
Lily doesn't want to admit her feelings towards him and risk their unstable friendship, and… I
just hope you're the patient type.**

**Anonymous- The title of my, (our, ProngsGurl helped write it) novel, it's called Wolf
Magick, and well, we really don't have a publisher yet, but we've written it out and will
be sending it out this summer, and you have no idea how much your review gave me the encouragement
I needed to finish it, I was on the last chapter until recently, so thank you, just for showing an
understanding and an interest-**

**Disclaimer- “It's mine, all mine, I now own Harry Potter.” No not really. Heaven forbid,
I`d turn their world upside down, for one, Sirius would be alive, and-“**

**“We don't want to hear it anymore!”**

**“Yeah! This story is to focus on us, not you! Silencio!”**

**“Now back to the story about the handsome James Potter-”**

**“Careful, Prongs, you already have those infamous antlers, we wouldn't want your head
getting any bigger!”**

**“Sod off Padfoot!”**

**(Sorry guys, I think those two cans of mountain dew, the first pop I've had in a while,
is finally kicking in! caffeine!) Point behind this little skit is, I don't really own James,
(at least not this one, there's one in our book, but they're different, that James is
always trying to keep out of trouble but gets roped into it,) or Lily or Sirius. So no suing, I
have no money. (Wow that was a long disclaimer!)**

**Sirius-**

As rude as this is going to sound, I didn't even cry at the ceremony. Not because I
wasn't saddened by James's mother's death, it was far from it! I was distraught. But
dogs, thankfully, can't cry. So the most I did was whimper, and occasionally nudge James's
limp hand with my cold wet nose to let him know I was there for him. He had a far-away look in his
eyes, as though not really listening to a word said by each respectable speaker. Plus, he had that
determined look in his hazel eyes, the one that said he was about to try his hardest to succeed in
the impossible. I think this time it may have been avoiding tears, because he seemed almost calm
the entire time. The only time I caught him in tears was when he went up to the casket to say
goodbye. I didn't, first off because I couldn't in my animagus form, and secondly because
I'm sure had I actually gain the courage to, upon peering into the casket, I would've lost
any remaining strength. And James didn't need me crying all over him right now.

He spend only a moment up there, brushing a strand of amber hair from her face before returning
to Sirius, and sitting down heavily on one of the many provided chairs. His face was a mask, but
his eyes betrayed his emotions.

“The side of her head was scarred, but otherwise she looked like she was sleeping. Only
something else was different. I think it may have been that she was actually resting this time.
Before, as an auror, she was always a light sleeper, and always worried about something or another.
I think now-“ His voice broke upon saying this, but he continued all the same, trying to get out
what he seemed to think he had to. “Now, she seems at peace. “

The burial was of everyone who had died at Hogsmade, not just Miss Harriet, and it made me
highly annoyed that the event wasn't more personal. There were so many there, and in front of
so many, it became apparent that James wasn't going to cry. It was somewhat more frustrating by
the fact that I couldn't talk to him in my animagus form, so comforting him wasn't really
an option in my case. “They are planning on holding a little individual ceremony later on, but I
don't want to be there for it Padfoot, I just want back at Hogwarts, before-“

“James, that you?” A croaky woman's voice asked, and both James and myself turned to see the
intruder. “ Oh, sweetheart, some here.” She gave James a rib-breaking hug and started sobbing on
his shoulder. Well, what could the poor bloke do other then comfort her when he himself needed to
be comforted. Seeming to hear my thoughts, the woman said, “Oh, now here you are comforting me,
when I came to help you get through this. Simply awful, Harriet was a wonderful woman. But at least
she went without pain or suffering, I saw it myself hun.” James looked like he was about to punch
the woman, and only being raised with such a rich family helped him to keep his dignity. I can
remember being taught the same thing as a boy, even if my parents'…erm… taught the lesson a
little differently. Anyways, James just gave her shoulder an awkward pet and stalked away, and I
silently followed him.

“Quick death my- she's *lying*, I saw- I SAW HER GET HURT WITH MY OWN EYES! HONESTLY!”
James looked closer to crying then I'd ever seen him, and I felt like crying myself. He had
informed me the events leading up to his mother's death, the only one to get the full story out
of him. I took in a shuddering breath, checked that no one was around when changed back into my
animagus form, and walked with him onto the train.

“ She wasn't wearing her locket. The one I got her for her birthday. She must have lost it
somewhere during the battle, because she'd never leave home, let alone to got on a mission,
without it. Some death eater probably has it somewhere.” He whipped his eyes quickly on the back of
his hand, bending down and pretending to tie his shoe. It hadn't been untied, and it was rather
pointless. I noticed the tears anyways. If things kept going like this, James wouldn't ever
recover.

Stupid trait of the dog. `Loyalty and friendship'. It's gotten me in so much trouble
before now. Putting my head in my hands, I consider the possibilities of getting the locket back.
I'd have to go back to the battlefield, search for Harriet's sent, and look for the silver
metal despite the extremely slim odds of it being there. And I couldn't stop searching until I
knew it was out of my reach. It would take endless hours of seeing blood, and provide a good chance
of me getting caught. Great, just what I needed, a criminal record. Oh the things one does for
friendship.

**Lily-**

James was actually at dinner that night. This time it was Sirius who was absent, which I thought
was odd enough since James seemed to need some company right about now. Even his fan club had left
him alone, at the moment unsure as to how to act around him. I pretty sure I had no idea how to act
around him either. But he was just pushing his food around on his plate, and maybe it was guilt for
beginning this, or possibly just sympathy, but I had to go and talk to him.

I don't think he even noticed me. Actually, I'm pretty sure he didn't even see my
shadow, too caught up in his own thoughts to pay me any mind. And as selfish as this will sound,
somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered a time when I had wished to god that Potter would no
longer notice me. Now it seemed like it hurt to be ignored, and by James Potter of all people. How
utterly ironic.

“ Hey.” I said it softly, but he still jumped about a foot in the air.

“ Oh, Lily. Hey. How'd the room work out for you?” Changing the subject. It was so James.
But if that was the way he wanted it, then fine, I would work with him.

“Oh, it was great, thanks for showing it to me!” The enthusiasm in my voice didn't sound too
fake, and I was rather proud of myself for keeping the attitude up around someone who made everyone
within five feet of him fall into a depression. Still smiling, I noticed he was still frowning and
pushing his food around on his plate. He really didn't want my sympathy right now, I could
tell. He just needed people to treat him as they normally would. So instead of the usual `I'm
sorry for your loss' comment, I used something he wasn't expecting. “So, you still up for
teaching me transfiguration? Because we have the Newts in a couple of months, and I don't
really feel ready.”

James actually gave a small smile, looked up at me, met my eyes, and said, “Fine then, the Owlry
at seven?”

I had to smile back, proud of the small step I had made. Now that depression radar would only
throw people *three* feet around him into a hole of despair. But at least the Marauders could
keep him from doing anything too stupid.

Speaking of, where was Sirius Black when I actually needed him?

**Sirius-**

I really didn't want to be there. I mean **really** didn't want to be there. It was
for my best friend. It was a fitting closure to his mother, to my adopted parent. It was being
kind; doing what no one else would in their right minds do for anyone. But that didn't change
the fact that I really *really* **really** didn't want to be there.

So why was I there? I kept trying to take my mind off of the place I was at, and find what I was
looking for. At least there where no dead bodies littering the ground. Even the death eaters lost
(there had barely been any death eater losses,) were buried. But there air was still reeking with
blood, smelling as metallic as it tasted, and tainted with fear. The scent was bitter in my mouth,
and strong enough to keep away every animal but the rats. Somehow I had a feeling that while Peter
was one, (a rat that is) Moony wouldn't be able to stand it here with his attuned senses, and I
knew that we wouldn't be back here anytime soon, and therefore had a less likely chance of
getting caught.

I was in the part of Hogsmade that had once held the village's residence. Most of the brick
homes had been magically burnt to ashes, but some still stood. Those were the ones I was afraid of
going in. Because unlike the others, these ones still had the owner's belongings. And most of
the owners were dead. Still, I went everywhere it appeared the battle had taken place, trying to
find Harriet's scent under the ash, blood, and fear that lay thick over the village. One minute
she had been there. The next she had appreated over to there, leaving no scent. One of the worst
parts was probably when I had lost her scent completely, was searching for it, and accidentally
found a little girl's doll's head, covered in soot. Another would have to be when I found
he site James must have seen Harriet die, (I could tell from the blood that marked her scent, still
staining the cobblestones) and the third is a debate between finding the place Prongs slipped, and
knowing he could've been killed in such a battle, and seeing an empty crib. Because I had known
a baby had died during the battle. I could already guess where the baby had slept.

But even with everything I saw, (and smelt) I couldn't seem to find the locket. I followed
every instinct but in the end almost gave up, agreeing with James that there was a fairly good
chance a death eater had it hidden somewhere, as one of his victims prized possessions. Then, I
heard the laughing and sobbing of what could only be a man half drunk or half dead.

Sure enough, Mr. Potter was a little of both. Sitting on a crate in the alley by The Three
Broomsticks, he was moping about how they had thrown him out and refused to serve him any more
liquor when he had broken every glass he had taken a drink out of. (And some that he hadn't.) I
really couldn't blame them, as I too would have thrown him out, and at the same time I
couldn't be mad at John, (as he had insisted I call him when I refused to use the terms
`dad',) who had every right to be upset. Still, if James got drunk every time he had gotten
depressed this year, blimey, he'd be dead at the worst, stupid at the best.

Anyways, he was twirling his wife's locket between his fingers. I wanted to leave him alone,
(the scent of blood was strong enough, overlain with the grief and fear, and I really didn't
want to smell the liquor that came twice as strong,) but knew that the necklace didn't
technically belong to my adopted father; it belonged to my best friend. Crawling up to the drunken
man, (and trying so hard not to vomit and add to the already putrid odor,) I growled. He
laughed.

“What do you want? Do you want something from me too? Everyone wants something from me…” He
continued rambling, and I ignored him, debating on what to do next. (And internally somewhat
offended that I couldn't scare a drunken guy. Ah, well, I guess that's the way it goes.)
Anyways, what I came up with was, If I could only change my fingers and leave the rest of my body
looking like the grim, Mr. John would probably think himself that drunk and leave me alone. So I
tried it.

I focused on transforming the tips of my fingers, the skin on the palm of my hand. It felt like
very muscle, every tendon, every fur and hair was on fire. Even my claws, in the process of
becoming fingernails, were shot through with a pulsing, stabbing pain. A normal transformation
didn't hurt in the least, and almost felt natural to revert back to my animal self. But this,
hanging in between creatures, was torture. The worst part was probably that I had to concentrate
throughout the entire thing, and I have what muggle doctors like to call A.D.H.D., which stands for
attention deficit hyperactive disorder. To me, it means my mind cant focus on only one subject for
any longer than a moment. This made focusing on the half transformation through the pain difficult,
but it was for James.

I could barely pull the locket, the charm on the silver necklace James had gotten for his
mother, out of John's loose grip. But he was so out of it he didn't seem to notice someone
stealing his wife's prized possession.

Racing into the forest, I became human and locked the locket around my neck and casually waltzed
into Honeydukes, casually waiting until the owner was busy and then slipping behind the counter. I
think she may have noticed me, but was so used to James, Remus, peter and myself entering and
exiting her storeroom and store, even on days no other student entered the village. Glancing back,
I caught her eye and winked, something I did every time. And like every other time, she blushed,
and I smiled. We both knew that meant it was me, as I did it every time.

I walked out of that hellhole after all that time, grasping the locket. The things one does for
friendship.

**Lily-**

When I stepped into the owlry, I was sure I'd taken a wrong turn. Sure there were the soft
hoots that came from the rafters, but doves clung to the wooden frame, and James sat smiling for
the first time in months. The floor was no longer made of creaky wood, but was covered in what
appeared to be a soft grey flannel material, and candles were the only light illuminating the
owlry, as there had always been, for Hogwarts didn't have any electricity. But just for a
moment, in the dimming light and surrounded by doves, I could sort of see why all of the girls
swooned at the sight of him.

Of course, they hadn't been lately. “Hey James.”

“Hey.” He said softly in reply, and waited for me to sit down. Pulling out my wand, I asked him
about the doves, and listened to him explain. “Remember what I said about the whole basis behind
transforming one animal into another?”

“What, that once you learn how to transform one animal, you can transform all animals into
another one?”

“Yup, that'd be the one. We're going to test that theory tonight. Anyways, if you can do
that, we move on to invertebrates, then onto transfiguring breakable objects into animals.” He was
holding up his arm for a dove to land on, an odd look in his eyes that made them almost look like a
tamed animal. Then, a moment later, the look was gone, but his eyes were brighter than they had
been in months. It was almost as if he had a special connection to the animals, and I had passed it
off the last few times as a very well trained owl and mouse. Maybe somehow he had trained the dove?
I don't know.

We spent the next hour or two working on the movements of the wand, but never how the words were
said. When I pointed this out to James (partly because I felt stupid compared to his knowledge and
gift with transfiguration,) he simply said, “I don't believe magic works that way,” so softly,
I could barely hear him.

I heard him but pretended that I hadn't. It didn't seem like something he'd meant
for my ears, almost like it opened a wound on him, one that had yet to properly heal. We went
through the lesson, then I went outside to think of how I would puzzle James Potter out.

To my wonder, not fifteen minutes after I had left the castle and sat down at the lake in my
usual spot, a stag walked gracefully up to me, as though unsure but determined. I welcomed the
animal, looking into its eyes and trying to send the message quietly through them. The stag seemed
to understand.

We watched the stars for a while together, me talking, him listening, not that he could do much
of anything else. “I don't know, I'm worried about a friend, who's… wow, I just called
him my friend. I wonder when that happened?” It was amazing that he could stand my rambling, but he
really didn't seem to mind. When I stood, carefully so as not to disturb him, he stood to, and
looked at me carefully before turning away. Somehow, I felt much more relaxed then I had before.
“Thank you.” My whisper was carried away on the wind. But from the look his soft hazel eyes gave
me, I think he understood. “Friends?” I asked aloud. The stag actually pushed his nose in my
outstretched palm. It was a new bond, one stronger than any I had ever really felt before, stronger
than the one I had with Michelle or even my parents. It was a bond of love and friendship. Only at
the time, I hadn't realized the bond was with a person, not an animal.

**AN- Anyways, I now demand 7 reviews, or swear to god I WONT update! (Mwah hahaha!) But if I
get those seven reviews, I promise to update within the next week, or the week of getting those
seven. (Hey, I kept my promise last time, didn't I?) So right now we're at 50. Let's go
for 57.**



11. Old Self (a very long chapter)
----------------------------------



**AN- wow, that was so cool. That was like supply and demand, or demand and supply! I got seven
reviews in one day. Not that this makes it easier, because it means I don't have as much time
as I thought it did. But for seven reviews, it's so worth it.**

**I have my eighth grade graduation dance tonight, so it probably wont be finished until
tomorrow. However, I always post reviews first. Therefore, it you review me one Saturday you may
not be thanked in this chapter. I swear you will be in the next one, but right now I'm a smudge
stressed. Anyways, I apologize ahead for anyone left out. Also, I will be incorporating at some
pint in the next few chapters good old Voldie, through that bloody rat, Pettigrew's, point of
view, and will also be throwing Lily's abilities into the mix. Now, for the special
seven;**

**Anonymous- thanks; I really appreciate the support you gave through your review. I'm
sorry about how long the updates can take, but I really am working on it now that I have more time.
(For reasons still classified) and the point of views started out rough, but I think it evened out
pretty nicely, thank you.**

**WilliamEP- only h/hr shipments? Now, where's the fun in that? But yeah, that's how I
started out, with only one ship, (l/j) and now I read, (and for the most part, write) most of
everything. Thanks so much for the support, I'm glad you started, and hopefully you won't
stop soon.**

**JayaMioneDurron- Oh, god, I could die of embarrassment! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
(well, you understand) sooo sorry for that grammatical error. I'm usually really careful about
that, but I had to update fast. Oh, I'm really** **really** **sorry. And yeah, lurking
can be annoying, when you see how many people read but don't review! Thanks so much, and where
do you have your stories posted, I'd like to read some, even if they are on a different site.
(I follow stories on all sorts of hp sites) And don't worry, the ending will be promised to be
good. I always end it good, or at least satisfying, because my own depression ended so happily, so
no need to worry about that… it'll just be rocky getting there.** **Really**
**rocky.**

**Fire Gazer- yeah, always trust your first instinct, it's often the right one. Really,
James may even think of checking into it, especially when things start getting out of control, but
I guess he never follows through. (Sort of like this one boyfriend and friend I had that went
behind my back and played the ever-fun game of date-and-ditch. He was my first and last too!) And
yeah, I know the lake scene gives one a deja voo, but I have it all planned out, and that may be
incorporated later in the story. Thanks again, I got two reviews from you in a row!**

**Sk8erWitch- Awesome name, this is the first I've seen of you. Were you lurking? (I picked
the word up from JayaMioneDurron, and really wanted to use it.) Anyways, I have a whole bunch of
thoughts on Lily and James, and this makes one think how little we know of them. Thank you so much
for not bashing, reviewing, and complimenting all at once! Thank you thank you thank you.**

**jane- yeah, I knew a few people who were in depressions, or have depression, and I was once
one of them I'm on medication for it right now, and was never suicidal or dangerous, jut never
really happy. And you think this is bad, if you read my poems… you get the general idea. But thank
you SO MUCH for the compliments and the review, and the comment on my, (ProngsGurl helped write it,
is insisting we call it our) book. I loved all the smileys, they make me feel special, and if you
want, or have any ideas, let me know and I'll gladly help you get accepted, no problem. E-mail
me sometime if you'd like, I'll see what I can do with your ideas, just so you can give
them enough form to get in, I'd like to read some of your stuff. If they really don't
accept you here, try other sites to, I love the darkness, and you sound like you would write it
well. I'll notify everyone when it's published, but it wont be until we can find a
publisher, so I can't give an exact date. Thanks again, and I hope the friend you spoke of is
all right.**

**sweetkiwi- you know, I've really gotten to get excited at your reviews, thanks for
continuing to notify me of your story and your opinions of my own. I'm sorry that I haven't
e-mailed you yet, I've been busy, my eighth grade dance is tonight, and I've stuff to do
with my art, but I will sometime, promise. (Hey my last few promises have been kept, haven't
they?) And yeah, I know I'm evil, but hey, we can be born that way. And now that you mention
it, 50 reviews sounds good… never mind, I can hear you all groaning, I'll just make it ten. And
that bit with Sirius was supposed to add some depth, as I realized I was going a little off course,
so thank you for the comment on the locket, I was wondering what people thought o it, but you were
the only one to mention it. So thank you, and hopefully I'll see you review this chapter too? I
so love your reviews. And good luck with your exams, I know how that can be! Best of
wishes!**

**Disclaimer- “Not again!”**

**“Don't worry, it wont be so long this time. I just wanted to say-“**

**“They get it, they get it, and you don't own any of us, even if our voices are in your
head! There, now can you get on with the story? I don't want to hold this locket and see James
depressed much longer.”**

**“Padfoot, none of us do. Learn some patience, please!”**

**“Fine.”**

**Also, my muse is STILL missing. If you find it, as described in earlier chapters, please
return via e-mail or review.**

**Peter-**

“You are most certain?”

“Yes, lord, positive. James Potter was the one you described to us, the one in your dreams.
Lord, will you tell us what-“

“Enough, rat. What does this *Potter* look like?” I answered the best I could, which was
actually really good, because I'd always envied James and his Quidditch-built body and delicate
features. But still, his red eyes pierced into me. Honestly, who has red eyes? It only proved what
everyone believed. You-know-who wasn't human, which meant I was taking the winning side.
Dumbledore didn't have red eyes. Not that his stare wasn't as piercing, but really…
blabbing again Wormtail. This is what James meant when he said I carried on and on when I'm
nervous.

“Tan skin, messy black hair, thin but not too much so, hazel eyes?”

“No, it's not him. This child had dangerous green eyes and fair skin. Honestly, I don't
see how you can even deem this worthless friend of your worthy of my time. There are no
similarities.”

“But, Lord, there was the messy brown black hair.” I muttered, half wanting to be heard, half
afraid to be. It was just, it really didn't seem very fair, calling James worthless. Then
again, I'm supposed to be against him, maybe that's how they look at him. I know that's
how I look at mudbloods. Are mudblood lovers just the same?

I said we're through rat, and you'd do well not to contradict me. We don't need more
people, so I can do away with any extras.” For a moment I thought he meant to kill me, and was glad
when he didn't. But that didn't mean Crucio didn't hurt. Because it did. A lot.

When we were finally through, I rushed back to the dorm. It was James's birthday tomorrow,
and Padfoot had a surprise planned. If the dark lord didn't need James, surely he wouldn't
kill him, and so I could attend the party without a trace of guilt. But the party was planned for
that night, and I still had to get him a present.

**Sirius-**

”Do you think he'll mind that I kept it this long?” I asked, watching Moony as he ran his
fingers over the silver locket I had kept for today. Moony paused in his examination, looking up at
me with serious amber eyes.

“No, I think he'll be grateful he has it back. That took a lot of guts, going back there
just for this. Where did you find it?”

Somehow, knowing Mr. Potter, it felt too personal telling moony that he'd been drinking, and
I didn't feel very proud about how I'd had to trick him into giving me the locket. Instead,
I replied “I took it off the streets.”

Moony was, and had always been, the only one to see though my lies, and even he believed. This
time, I think that while he nodded in acceptance, and went back to the silver chain, he knew there
was more than I was saying, and decided not to read between the lines.

“You can get a box for it in Hogsmade. You sure you don't mind going back?”

I wasn't sure, but nodded anyway, and scrambled up the stone steps to the boys dormitory, to
find the invisibility cloak.

The party later would require food, drinks, pranks, decoration… the works. Stuff we could only
get in Hogsmade, unless we went to Diagon Alley, but neither of us were stupid enough to create an
un-authorized portkey, (at least, not again, we'd gotten caught last time) so Moony, Wormtail
and myself had agreed to get Evans to keep Prongs out of the common room and away from any
questions involving us long enough to buy and decorate everything we needed for later on tonight.
She'd agreed easily, to my surprise, only after we promised that any trouble we'd gotten in
wouldn't involve her. So now Moony and myself were waiting in the common room for Wormtail.

“Where is he?”

“Said he had something to do. But we can't wait much longer, really, or we won't get
back soon enough to surprise him, he'll have to be back in the dorm for bed.” I didn't
really mind Peter being late. To be perfectly honest, the thought of going back to the village
horrified me. They had, in the last week, probably cleaned the street of the lot, and in the Profit
I'd seen the ministry cleaning up the mess. But part of me didn't want to see that things
had been changed since my last `visit' there so soon. It felt like they'd forgotten about
everyone lost too quickly. On the other hand, I don't think I would've had the nerve to go
back there at all if I'd known that things had stayed that same. That trip to Hogsmade still
haunted my dreams, and the ashes had been making me sneeze black at last three days afterwards.
They had kept the shops open, half because they needed the money for repairs, half for those who
were cleaning up the other side of the village, which was good, because some of the things we
needed could only be bought in one place.

I guess I must've had a dazed look on my face, because moony was waving his hand I front of
my eyes. “Ready, Padfoot?”

“No,” I replied, knowing full well how weak my voice sounded, “But lets go anyway, we can't
keep waiting for Wormtail.” Under the cloak in he event that James saw us, Moony and I left the
portrait and then the school through that old witch's hump. The crawl seemed to take forever,
even though I'm sure we only took a half-hour tops. The ringing silence actually gave me time
to think over hat had happened, and what e had planned for tonight. Somehow, my mind wandered to
Evans, and he smile that had crossed her face when we had told her what we had planned. She had
insisted that she was only feeling guilty about James, but if I hadn't known any better, I
would've thought she'd taken a fancy to him.

Wonder what she's doing to keep him busy.

**Lily-**

It wasn't too hard to keep James out of the dormitory; all I had to do was tell him Black
was sick. He'd been avoiding all of his friends like the plague since his mother's death,
and I was pretty sure he'd rather avoid Black the most of them all. Black seemed to have a
knack for getting James (or anyone else,) to admit whatever was wrong, it was common knowledge.
People pretty much avoided him if they wanted whatever was bothering them to stay a secret. I would
know. It was one of the reasons I'd never taken the time to talk with him. I would have
eventually admitted to being an angelious.

Anyways, the reason to keep James out of the dorm and common room also gave a good reason for
Black to have missed Quidditch practice. Everyone but James knew the real reason Lupin and Black
were missing, and while no one knew where exactly they'd go to get these things, (including me)
right away everyone had agreed to keep it a secret, and help out wherever they were needed. And
somehow, I had gotten sucked into it receiving, in Black's words, `he most important job of
all, the job any girl would want'. Babysitting Potter. But I really didn't, to my surprise,
mind that much. He was no longer hexing everyone who annoyed him, he didn't seem to hold a
grudge against me, and he no longer would beg me to go out with him, or pull me into another prank.
In a way, that took the `baby' part right out, and left me doing what I was. Sitting.

I was just watching the Gryffindor team, including James, practice, something I had never done,
or planned to do, in my life. But they were interesting to watch passing the ball back and forth to
each other, the dodging beaters, (or hitting them) and finally, leaving James to catch the snitch.
He had used to play chaser, but this year had become the seeker for the team. When the original had
had too low of grades to play they had needed a replacement, and as they could play one game
without a chaser, but not without a seeker, Jams had switched positions for that one game. They had
found no good seeker, but the choice in terms of chasers had been plenty, so James had just kept
the position.

His reflexes were amazing. I had never seen anyone so at home on a broom, flying like it was
where he belonged. And when he dove after the snitch, the look of joy on his face indicated that he
was, for a moment, normal again. Well, as normal as James Potter could get. (Though I suppose that
isn't really saying much for him.)

But something had changed when he flew this time. Not the fact that he was a seeker. Or the fact
that he looked at home in the air. It had nothing to do with him, really.

It had everything to do with me. For some reason whenever he got to close to the ground, I
gasped with the other members of the team. When he was hit with a bludger that Black would have
normally blocked, I ran on the field with everyone else, worried that he wouldn't be all right.
And when he caught the snitch in a total of five minutes, I clapped with everyone else, instead of
thinking what an arrogant idiot he was. I hadn't noticed it, but I think somehow Potter had
begun to matter to me. And that kind of scared me. Especially when Michelle pointed it out.

“You've been watching him with eagle eyes all morning, and he smiled when he saw you were
here.”

“He knows I'm here?”

“You ran out onto the field to check on him, didn't you?” She said, raising an eyebrow. I
felt the flush rise to my cheeks.

“I was just making sure he was alright. Black would've killed me if-“

“Don't bring Black into this, this is about you and James. I think you've taken a liking
to him, now that you're giving him a chance, haven't you?”

I was somewhat afraid of how to answer. Michelle had always agreed with me about the marauders
and what a pain they were, how they needed to deflated their heads. If I admitted that I looked at
James as a friend, if I even admitted that I called him by his first name, she could go off on me.
But I had never been one to hide the truth, especially not from my friends.

“So what if I like James as a friend. He's changed a lot since last year.” All right, maybe
that was too much to tell Michelle at once, as I had used his first name, defended him and myself,
and called him my friend

It didn't help that, as it was a cold morning and she'd been out with me watching the
team, she'd been drinking butterbeer when I'd said it. She ended up spitting butterbeer
down her front, the look on her face an amusing cross between amazement and concern.

“You-“ cough cough “feeling all right?”

I couldn't help but laugh. “Yeah, never better. You?”

“You're head over heels for Potter.” She said, a look of awe and wonder on her face, as she
slowly started to smile.

“Am not! And quit calling him Potter, he said we should call him—“

“He said you should call him James.” Michelle debated. He had, just this morning before
practice. He hadn't said anything to Michelle, but only because she hadn't been the one
talking to him.

“Yeah, but you're going out with Remus, and I'm sure Remus would've wanted you to
call him by his first name.” I watched in amusement as Michelle's face turned bright red, and
wondered if I gave her the satisfaction

“I'm not-I mean- er- Remus and I aren't an- well, that was just one date!”

“So you aren't going again?” I'd won. We both knew she would, if he asked her. Before
she could argue, (or admit defeat) James and the team came out of the locker rooms, James in the
lead.

“Can I ask why, after seven years of avoiding myself and the team like the plague, you've
decided to come watch us practice?”

Praying to god that I hadn't given myself away, I replied “well, you know, black told me to
tell you about him being sick-“

“Which you did.”

“-And I had nothing better to do.” James just nodded, and to my surprise plopped down next to
me. I saw the girls in the marauder's fan club, who attended every practice but had never
gotten more than three words or a nod from James this year, sending me glares, and couldn't
help but feel smug. “ I thought you didn't want to talk to anybody.” I said to keep up
conversation.

“I didn't before, but now company would be nice, especially company that shows no pity,
I've gotten enough of that.” He looked tired, and I knew last night had been another restless
one for him. I'd found him on the common room couch. He'd been there three times in the
last week, and had been there to comfort him every time, though he had no idea I had been. And
every time I watched him pick up the wet rag in the morning and ask everybody who had left it
there. But even though I did comfort him, I saw the dark shadows under his eyes as a sign that he
hadn't had a restful sleep in that week. He looked skinnier than he sold, and it looked as if
he hadn't been eating properly either.

“Do you have anything on you to eat? I missed breakfast, ad lunch isn't for anther few
hours.” James smiled, and again he looked like he used to, a glint in his hazel eyes, the tired,
mature look gone. Somehow I had the feeling I was about to be brought in on rule breaking.

“No. But I know where we can get some.”

“James Potter, if this involves breaking the rules, I think I can wait.” He tried to look hurt,
(something he hadn't done all year, and I admit it made him cuter) but then smiled again
mischievously.

“It doesn't, they never said we couldn't, we aren't past curfew, and they wont
mind.”

“They?” He had already grabbed my hand in an effort to drag me towards the castle. We passed the
weary team, who gave Michelle, who was following us, and us a look. It must have been amusing,
seeing someone they assumed dated James, being dragged around by the person I supposedly loathed.
But I let him drag me around, and through the grass up the stone steps, into the empty Great
Hall.

“Hey, Michelle, are you coming?” James called out behind us. I saw Michelle smile, and give me a
wink he missed before saying

“I don't think I can. I said I'd help Kate with something, and kind of have to go.
Don't forget the prefect meeting tonight, both of you.” and with that, my friend walked adown
the hall and away.

Yeah. My friend.

He pulled me through a door behind the head table that I hadn't seen until now. There was a
long passageway, with many portraits and paintings.

He stopped in front of a painting of a fruit basket and tickled a giant pear, which giggled. The
painting swung forward to reveal a door, where it appeared there was much hustling and
bustling.

Small, strange creatures raced around, carrying trays of food and wearing rags for clothing.
They had strange, bulb-like eyes and grey skin, only as tall as my knee.

“Mr. Prongs, sir. Hw can we helps you, sir and miss?” I looked at the creature, and then back at
James, who was looking back at me.

“What are they?” I asked, caught by surprise. “Oh, I'm sorry, that sounded rude. But
I've ever seen you, or anything like you.” To my surprise, the thing smiled up at me, not
looking upset in the least.

“It's all right, Miss.'tis the pride of the house elf, not to be seen.” The creature
smiled, and looked back up at James. “Mr. Prongs, where are other sirs, if you don't mind
Knobby asking, sir.”

“Not at all, Knobby. Padfoot's sick, I'd assume they're with him.” James frowned.
“Why?”

“Sick, sir?” the elf blinked innocently. “But they ordered food for tonight. Three other sirs
did.” James frown deepened.

“Oh. Maybe they need it for a prank of some sort.” My mouth almost dropped open. Was it really
that easy t pull the wool over James Potter's eyes? Apparently, at the time, it was. “So Lily,
what did you want to eat?” I ordered something, then watched the elf scuffle about, saying
something to another one. There had to be hundreds of `house elves' in there, all cooking or
cleaning.

“What do they do?”

”Lily I thought you were smarter then that. Didn't you ever wonder who cleans and cooks for
Hogwarts? I can assure you it's not the staff.” He and I both laughed at the thought of
McGonagall dusting Gryffindor common room, and making the beds. `

“Mr. Prongs?” I questioned sardonically, knowing I had heard the name before. It was what the
marauders called him.

“Yeah. They'll call anyone Mr. or miss, and I introduced myself by my nickname all those
years ago.” He replied evenly, helping himself to a butterbeer offered by one of the elves on a
tray. It appeared they had been here often.

“Where, pray tell, did you come up with the nickname Prongs?” I asked truly wondering.

James just smiled in reply and winked at me, hazel eyes glittering. “Sorry, as a Marauder
I'm inclined to keep some of ours secrets, especially ones that aren't mine to tell.” I
wondered, whose secret it wasn't if it wasn't his, but James never brought the subject back
up, and I never broached the topic again. We took the offered food, and James took me to the room
of requirement.

As he walled around three times outside the door, I wondered what he was asking for. When he
opened the door, my mouth must have dropped into a comical shape as I heard my mouth let out a soft
“Oh.”

Outside this morning the sky had been grey, looking like it would rain. As spring was coming,
this wasn't surprising. But there was a dirt path, only a few feet away, until it stopped at a
checkered blanket. He smiled, seeming to enjoy my surprise, and pulled me by the hand to the
blanket.

Only somehow, this time when he grabbed my hand to pull m, I enjoyed it. Bloody Potter. I
wasn't supposed to like him at all. And I certainly wasn't supposed to have my heart beat
harder just because of a picnic blanket.

How much longer did Black expect me to hold out?

**Sirius-**

It didn't take long to collect the things we needed in Hogsmade, but the entire time I
wanted out. Thankfully, we didn't have to buy anything from Honeydukes. I explained the
situation to the shopkeeper, about how James had lost his mother and now it was his birthday. We
told her about how James had been acting depressed, how he really needed this party. She agreed
with us right away and gave us all of the necessary sweets, which we hid in the tunnel before
continuing to the Three Broomsticks and Zonkos. Decorations were-er- `given' to us by the
Zonko's advisor, who knew us well, considering that we provided the half of their business.
When we were sure the decorations would provide no pranks on anyone, (they were apparently bought
somewhere else) we left.

“He'll be happy.” Remus said dryly, noticing that we had more prank products then anything
else, except perhaps sweets, which the Honeydukes owner had given us plenty of.

“Yeah, suppose so.” I replied dully, still slightly on edge as we walked under the invisibility
cloak, through the crowd and back towards Honeydukes.

“You all right, mate?” He asked, sounding worried. I knew there was no color in my face but just
nodded under the cloak. Remus patted my back sympathetically and kept moving.

In the common room, nearly everyone in Gryffindor was waiting for us to come back, and awaiting
instructions. We watched them as they had hung up the decorations. We refrigerated the sweets and
drinks, placing a charm on them, and watched the others place things were they needed to be. After
a while we went and hid the things we wouldn't need yet. When Remus and I came back down,
Michelle's smile brightened. Remus sped up down the last few steps. Pathetic.

“Aren't you and Evans supposed to be keeping prongs busy?” It took her a minute to think of
who Prongs was before saying,

“No, Lily is, and I think she's doing a good enough job by herself.” Her smile suggested
that there was more to the words than what was heard.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” Michelle replied innocently, tearing her eyes from Moony long enough to give me that
demon smile. “She just looked pretty happy to have James holding her hand.”

“Holding her hand?” I asked, while Remus said “James?”

“Yeah, he's showing her where to get something to eat. And she told me to call him
James.”

“So are they there now?” I asked as casually as possible, knowing full well that I sounded over
excited. “ Eating out somewhere? Together?”

“I would assume so.” She replied happily. “James was smiling fully for the first time in a
while. And I mean actually smiling.” Slowly, I felt a grin spread across my face.

“So he was happy?”

“Looked like it.” She replied, mirroring my smile.

“Brilliant. God, sometimes I love Evans.”

“Don't let James hear you say that.” Remus said smirking. I laughed, along with just about
everyone else. Only the fan club frowned, not liking the fact that James liked anyone other than
them. “Alright. Now all we have to do is find Prongs and Evans.” I pulled out the map and scanned
it, noticing that Prongs and `Lily' were no longer in the kitchens and had moved on to the
`room of requirement', as the house elves had called it. Now what were they doing in there?

**Lily-**

He hadn't done anything other than drink a little butterbeer, and listen to me talk. To my
surprise, he was actually good at listening, and we had somehow gotten on the topic of my sister.
“Yeah, if she were hurt for everytime she says the word `freak' in one day, she'd be dead
by tomorrow.” James laughed, taking another swig off butterbeer.

“So, er- who's the freak again?” I laughed, but noted that he hadn't eaten anything.
“Sounds like Sirius and I will have to visit her at her wedding. I already have my apparating
license.”

I laughed at the image of James apperating on top of my sister's beautiful white wedding
cake. Married or not, I didn't plan on attending, but if James would do that… Then, I noted
that while we had plenty of extra food, he hadn't touched it, and asked as subtly as I could,
“are you going to eat anything?”

“Oh, no, I had a big breakfast.” Liar. Everyone knows James doesn't eat breakfast before
Quidditch practice. Never has, never will, whether it was breakfast lunch or dinner. But I
didn't say anything on the matter, knowing it wouldn't do any good.

“So, how'd you figure out you were an angelious?” surprised, I told him of my accidents with
wandless magic. He laughed at all the right places, frowned with me, was sympathetic when needed,
and never interrupted.

After we had eaten, we skipped dinner (much to my dismay, he still hadn't eaten.) and headed
out towards the grounds, to walk around the lake and talk some more. When I ran out of things to
say about me, I asked him about himself.

“Yeah, well, my mum just passed away, but before, she was wonderful. Dad and her were both
aurors, so will I be when I get out of here.” He looked sad, talking about his mother, and I
changed the topic.

“So what about Sirius? I mean, the two of you were playing pranks on the express in first year,
before you even met Remus. Can I guess you've known him a while?” I watched, as a wolfish smile
crossed is face.

“Yeah, we met in a ledge for Quidditch, for kids who weren't old enough to go to school yet.
At first we hated each other. Noh of us were purebloods, both of us were equally good at Quidditch,
and we continuously made each other the butt of the prank or joke.”

“So how'd you become friends?” I couldn't imagine them hating each other, but then, they
were so alike it made sense.

“Well, we were eight by then. But the coach treated everyone one the team as if we should be
professional. So Sirius and I agreed to team up once to pull off the Grande prank at the last game,
instead of pulling the joke on each other. It worked, naturally, and so when we left we kept in
touch half as friends and half to show the other that we were the dominant ones.” There was
hesitancy in his voice and I could tell there was more to the story.

“And.” I prompted, already amused by the first half. His smile dropped slightly.

“Oh, well, Sirius's parents and my on didn't exactly get along.”

“How so?”

“They were extremists on the whole pure-blood issue, and my parents weren't. It was like
pairing a Slytherin with a Gryffindor. With Sirius, he was the same until he met my mum. She
treated him like her own son, and he didn't know she was a muggleborn then. So I wasn't
really a pureblood, I just had two magical parents. At the time, I didn't really see the
difference. When Sirius's mom was criticizing mine, good `ol Padfoot stood up for her and me. I
guess that's where the trouble started. But it wasn't so bad until last year. He was
through with the whole pureblood thing, and guess things got out of control when Voldemort's
asked Sirius and Regulus, his little brother to join. Sirius ended up leaving home completely, and
he doesn't plan on going back.”

“Oh. I guess a lot's changed then.” I couldn't imagine the Potters having to put up with
James and Sirius all summer, together. How did their house stay up?

“No not really. We're both spent the whole summer debating on who the superior one was.”

“So who won?”

“I did!” James said, just as Sirius black jogged up saying the same thing at the same time,
though with less breath. “James, we have to talk.”

I knew exactly what he was going to say, or thought I did. “It's time for the annual spring
prank.' He replied. James face fell, and I realized he must've thought we'd forgotten
his birthday.

“Yeah, aren't you sick?”

“Sick?” Sirius met my eyes for a second before saying, “uh, yeah, that was a ruse for the
prank.”

“Oh. You could've asked me.” James smiled, but it was a sad one.

“Nah, we just knew you wouldn't want to join in, you haven't pulled a prank anyone since
the beginning of the year.” James looked hurt, and asked

“Are you forgetting anything?”

“Nope. Prank's all set up, and everything's in place.” I watched James face sink.

“Okay. What do you want me to do?”

“Just watch and enjoy yourself. You aren't allowed to punish us just because you're Head
Boy. That goes for you to, Evans.” Black replied with ease, pulling a weary James through the grass
and towards the hall. By now the sun had almost completely set, and the stars had started to come
out.

“Who's the joke on this time??” James asked as we walked up to the portrait. Sirius was such
a good liar, I almost believed the charade, and it was somewhat scary anyone could fib like that to
their friend.

“This time-“ Sirius said, stopping to say the password before climbing in. “You are.”

**Sirius-**

I watched in pure amusement as a look of shock, then laughter lit up James face. Finally he was
smiling. He had been when talking to Evans too I could see it. But right now he looked like his old
self.

“Admit it. I got you.”

“Fine Padfoot, you won that round.” I watched as people came up to James, talking and teasing,
and for just a while, James was his old self again, and everything was all right.

**AN-I will continue the birthday party in the next chapter, but if it all went in one, this
would be an extremely long chapter, and would take a while to update, and two the next one would be
extremely short. So that was his day with Lily, and Sirius's idea as to how to sheep Prongs up
and give him the locket all at once, though he hadn't given it to him yet. Also, it took me a
few days to write this, and I'm not sure if it's entirely smooth. If it bothers you,
don't flame me, I know, but I'm not perfect. And about the whole American speech thing,
well, I'm not British, not matter how badly I want to be, so I can't perfectly imitate
their language.**

**Blackmail- here, let's do this. I know you guys don't want to have to wait for ten
reviews to come in, because that would annoy me too. I'm just looking for eight, but if I get
ten, you get to choose what the upcoming chapter will include, besides the party. Just put the
number with your review, and I'll see what I can do, (I have an idea for all of them, but your
decision will plow the path for the future of this story.) so here are my ideas to add into the
next chapter.**

**1. - Lily and Sirius have a talk about how Lily got James to smile, what happened between
Sirius and his family from his point of view, and how Lily needs to `Fix him', though she
insists she had nothing to do with him breaking this badly.**

**2. - Quidditch match. Is winning really everything?**

**3. - James has a talk with his father, and then Lily has a talk with her `stag'.**



12. One Moment at a Time
------------------------



**AN- wow, I didn't really expect ten reviews. I really didn't! But ten reviews,
without even adding ProngsGurl? MAGIC IS REAL! Okay, so I have some stuff to say here- first off, I
don't expect people to really read these author's notes, or at least not everybody. Some of
you I know do, because you mention them to me in your reviews. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you
that some of the stuff I let slip or hint at will happen, keep an eye out for it if you haven't
already. Next off, I have several ideas which direction the story will go in, but I like to have a
rough idea of what you, as a reader, want, what you're looking for. It's not totally about
you, or me, it's about Lily and James and what ideas you have about how they came to be friends
and more. So any input has been and will always be appreciated by me. Third, I have those ten (plus
ProngsGurl) reviewers to thank.**

**Sweetkiwi456- I've added you to the spell check in my computer, because every time you
review, I'll thank you, so I no longer need to ignore the red spots! I I'm hope you did
alright on your exams, or will do alright, because as much as I enjoyed the dance and danced with
everyone, I got to watch the one guy I like dance with another girl all night. But I got my one
slow dance, so hey, I'm set! Anyways, I like the idea behind the butterfly `book' whichever
title you choose to use! It sounds so good. And I'll have probably e-mailed you by tonight with
the prologue and B.O.T.B. (back of the book,) by tonight, so look out for that. Anyways, what's
thins about a hot guy… (Squeals and giggles.) Sounds more like James than Harry, Harry's kind
of skinny, but did he have the messy black hair? Glasses? Oh, he sounds so hot, damn you're
lucky, I've never seen anyone like Lily and James, and I kind of want to see both! Then I could
describe them in more detail in my stories, (and se James *giggles*!) anyways, please keep
reviewing me, I've gotten really attached to your reviews! And watch for that e-mail, it's
coming soon!**

**Fire Gazer- yeah, I guess this chapter may be packed, it depends on how much time I have and
what I have planned for the next chapter. I have to find a good breaking point in the idea I have,
something to keep you reading but give you new ideas and thoughts. Also, the last chapter was kind
of packed, but it related the events I needed to get out and probably kept you reading a little
longer then usual, didn't it? Anyways, I go as fast as I can. But sometimes, depending on my
muse, (bloody thing's hiding again, I'll just use his ideas from before) and how soon you
all want the next update. Anyways, I think I'm officially blabbing now, so I'll just back
off and let you read. Sorry about that, I tend to do it often.**

**loudmeggaphone- yeah, I wanted Lily to like James for the James the marauders know, as to the
arrogant prat he reveals himself to be in the fifth book. You can tell he has human emotions
though, because of how hurt he seemed at Lily rejecting him. That was where the idea originated
from anyways. And I wonder if she's really realizing what she can really do for him yet… bloody
hell, I just gave something else away. Okay, you can forget that, can't you? (She winks) but
yes, only she has that impact on James, and yeah, that was really quick of you to catch n to my
idea so quickly. I was going to have her talk about her `James problems' today.
Smart...smart.**

**alinyat- I know it's kind of pathetic that he's smiling because of a girl, but
I've done that before. It can just take one comment to make someone's day, particularly if
that comment comes from that you-know-who, (no I don't mean good old Voldie yet) and I think
after being rejected that many times, it'd feel good to have a compliment from her. Anyways, I
think James point of views are pretty difficult, because his actions are so strange and random
he's hard to figure out… at least to anyone but his creator. And there is no bloody way you can
get too into James and Lily! No bloody way!**

**Sk8er Witch- no worries, no worries, I wasn't accusing you of being a lurker, I can
totally relate! And I haven't had very much time to read other fanfics, but I think after
reading the summary of Twist of Fate I may start. It sounded good! And I know how the whole brit
thing can be. I always say `bloody', bugger off' and brilliant, just brilliant.' (Note
sarcasm to last comment) but my friends all think it's weird when, instead of cussing, I go and
talk like someone from England. I blame Harry potter, and they just roll their eyes. All right,
I'm done rattling. But I have to tell you, I don't watch Buffy, but love Angel, so again I
relate to you. Thanks for the review!**

**Anonymous- see, it just takes one comment from a stranger to keep me going and brighten my
day! Thank you! And no, did I ever say Gryffindor wouldn't win?… but what if Gryffindor lost?
Food for thought…**

**yekwah- JANE! Good to see you again! Well, hear from you really, I don't exactly see you,
but whatever. Anyways, wow I feel so honored, this is going to sound stupid but whenever I get a
review with a name, I check into their stories and-or favorites. Whenever I see one of my fanfics
on there, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside! And you were one of the few to give me an impute
as to what you want next, so I think I'll take you up on it! (I liked those ideas better
anyways; I'm not very good at writing Quidditch) Lily will find out, eventually, but not soon.
The talk will be today. Maybe. I don't know which talk will come first. But, as the title
indicates, there will be very much talking. Good for you for becoming a member of Portkey!
Congrates and kudos!**

**JayaMioneDurron- thanks, but I love the last name, I'm sticking to it. Yeah, it was kind
of fun writing the old James, because he's such a fun character to write, and maybe now that
I've experimented with it, you'll see more of the old James Potter. I'm not really sure
yet. I've never had a surprise party for m before, I've only been to them, but they're
always so fun to write, and it's just about the only reason I can think of that would give Lily
an excuse to spend the day with James (she wanted to anyway). Thanks for the praise,**

**Thumbs-up-anonymous- thanks, I can promise you eventually Lily will realize that she likes
James, because if she didn't… well, we wouldn't have Harry Potter. But like I've said
before… it could take a while. James likes to make things difficult, especially when it comes to
Lily Evans.**

**PurplePasties1985- I'm honored to have become one of your favorites. Like I wrote before,
I really do check the origins of all of my reviewers, to see what they like and have written, and
if I'm in there as a favorite, selfish though it may sound. I hope this chapter keeps everyone
happy, but especially you, because you actually said I was doing a wonderful job, and I haven't
been told I'm wonderful for a while now. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!**

**ProngsGurl- YES you must continue putting the girl in your name it tells everyone that you
aren't really Prongs. And I know you want your picture back, but he's making copies, so at
least you know that he cares. Wonder where he's making the copies. Oh well, don't you just
love me because I got him to get his picture with you in the first place. AND DON'T YOU HAVE
ANYTHINGTO SAY ON THE STORY? I mean, you said it wasn't e-mail, yet you gave me neither
criticism nor credit. AND YOU TRY TYPING JAMES THAT BLOODY MUCH!**

**Disclaimer- here we go again. If someone sues me, I'm blaming my bloody muse he started
it!**

**James-**

It had only just dawned on me how many people were in Gryffindor. The common room was filled to
the brim with people on the stairs, even on the chairs, anywhere they could to get a spot. The
table was piled high firewhiskey, and various sweets. Confetti came down in endless quantities,
magically dissolving before hitting the floor, and streamers in the Gryffindor colors were shining
and hung everywhere, decoratively hung about the ceiling and walls. A Gryffindor lion was painted
on the far wall which I assumed would magically dissolve or wash away later, and various pictures
of the Marauders and myself hung all over the walls smiling back at me. There was silence for a
moment, everyone looking at me nervously. Alright, I admit I had been prone to bowing up in
previous occasions where the prank had been pulled on me, or someone had kept something from me, (I
had gotten in a nasty fist fight with Remus when we figured out the truth, because I had a firm
belief friends shouldn't hide things from friends,) but I just laughed off the eerie silence
and asked, confused

“When…Where? No, scratch that, how?” Sirius laughed and said

“Well it was planned a while to go on, but… you know me, I procrastinate.”

I laughed for the second time in the last few minutes as Sirius slung an arm around my
shoulders. “We owe Lily flower here. Without her, you would've heard us because you
would've been sulking in the dorm all day. So thank the flower-“

“Sirius…” Lily growled in warning, her green eyes flashing. She didn't have to finish Sirius
got the message and shut up. Never anger a red head. She smiled at me, shocking the rest of
Gryffindor, who didn't know about our newfound acceptance towards each other.

“Besides, I didn't really mind that much.” Remus laughed but Sirius said
matter-of-factly,

“Lily I do believe you owe that giant squid a date. You also have to go into the Forbidden
Forest alone all night, sleeping the Shrieking Shack-“ I swallowed, remembering all of the many
different things she had said in rejection in the years prior, things she would do before dating
me. Before they had hurt, but now Sirius had made them comical. Lily, however turned as red if not
redder than, her hair and said in a more menacing tone

“Black.” It took one word to shut Sirius up and only the look on her flushed face to make me
laugh again. This promised to be an interesting night.

**Sirius-**

Three laughs in fifteen minutes. I could see Remus adding them up too, and knew he'd
actually enjoy tonight. Both of us were watching James laughing, dancing (on the table) with anyone
who asked, and eating more than I had originally believed was humanly possible. He was like a human
vacuum cleaner, just eating and eating. Though no one seemed to think this disgusting, and Evans
even seemed pleased he was eating again. Everyone who had sat anywhere near him in the last few
months at dinner, (and as we *are* very popular, any who *want* to sit near us, but
instead watch from a distance, had noticed James's rapidly declining diet.

Anyways, we actually had Leonardo, who went by Leo, in sixth year play d.j. For a night. Peter
was supposed to have done it, as he simply refused to dance, but when he'd come in, he'd
looked warn and had been shaking. There was diffidently something going on, and I had to wonder if
it had anything to do with his parents. A mysterious Death Eater had killed his father over the
summer, and I had a feeling he was fighting the dark side vehemently, just in his own cowardly way.
Anyways, he had left the poorly wrapped present on the table, (though it was now on the floor, as
the table had been cleared off from James feet) and had slumped slowly up to bed.

There was no one in Gryffindor that didn't like us anymore. The only one had ever been Evans
and her friend, and James seemed to have taken care of that. No one ran to McGonagall, and if
anyone had, Lily insists it wouldn't have helped. She said this as we watched James and Amanda
from the Quidditch team dance around dangerously.

“So she couldn't hear, even if she wanted to?”

“Nope. Someone must have put a silencing charm on all of them. They didn't seem to be able
to hear a thing.”

“And you know this because…”

“Well…er…”

“It'd take quite a bit of complex charms to pull a stunt like that one. That's above
NEWT level, I can tell. “ I waited for her reaction. She didn't reply, which didn't
surprise me. “Well, I can't say I don't appreciate it, but I think James and myself are a
bad influence on you.”

“Black, you couldn't influence me if you tried, so don't even get yourself started. If
either of you have anything to do with my decision, it would be James. He needed it, but don't
think I'll do it every time.” I nodded abruptly; the two of us standing in silence in the
noise, watching the scene play out around us. “He's doing better.” She said happily, sighing. I
couldn't keep myself from smirking. She almost looked wistful, then glanced at me.

“Black. Er-it may be a sensitive topic. But James was talking about how the two of you met,
and-“

I smiled slightly, amused but how uncomfortable she was. I had always disliked Evans because she
had disliked Prongs. They may have sorted things out amongst themselves, but I had unfinished
revenge for all the times she turned me in. it wasn't as good as getting Evans in detention,
but I'd play with her and make it amusing. “Evans get it out.”

Lily frowned. :”You know I heard.” She said. Bloody Hell, she was good at reading people.

“Yeah. You did really think I'd let you walk around with my best friend talking about
me.”

“How did you know?” I didn't want to say anything about my limited training in legimency,
because I had used it to get into their minds when I had locked them in the room together Christmas
Eve. Instead, I just said

“I know things.” She nodded in acceptance and said

“So.. What happened?” I let the silence hang in the air for a moment, considering my words
carefully. I didn't want to bring up Regulus, or mother. Both still made my blood boil. Instead
I said,

“I was stuck believing pureblood should be the only blood. Then I met James and his family. They
got me out of it.” I decided to change the topic. Evans didn't needed to hear my family
problems except for the one going on now. “Lily.” I said her name, and she knew I was serious. (No
pun intended.) “Look, that's what happened, James is my family now, and I really don't want
to lose that. I saw you two today, or at least for part of the time. James was smiling. He was
laughing. Evans- I mean Lily, sorry old habits die-hard. Let me get my point across. FIX HIM!”

“I DIDN'T BREAK HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!” Lily hollered back, annoyed. The room went silent.
I hid my smile. That was guilt talking. People didn't wait long to scream and dance again, but
Evans out burst had given me my amusement for the week.

“Relax, Evans, I'm not saying you broke him. It was a lot of pressure to put on anyone. But
I don't care what you do just *fix* him! I saw you do it today, I saw you make him laugh.
Think you can do it again?”

“Not if I try.” She said sounding unsure.

“Then don't.” I smirked. “ Hey look, it looks like Leo put on a slow song. Dance with him.”
And with that I dragged the struggling lily across the littered floor and towards Prongs, who was
watching us with the light in his eyes, the one that had been missing since his mother's
death.

“Padfoot, can I ask you what you're doing?”

“You can ask, but it wont get you anywhere. You are going to dance with Evans to thank her for
today. And no one-“ I stopped for a moment top push Evans forward, and let Prongs help her onto the
table, “is going to stop you.”

“You don't mind?” He asked. Lily gave a small smile and shook her head, her red hair,
(purposely, I think) flying in the air, actually making her look more beautiful. It only reminded
me why James liked her so much. And, to my surprise, she actually accepted his hand and stood up on
the table, slow dancing closely with James Potter, her all-time enemy. The silence in the room was
deafening.

It was silent until I started laughing. Then it was pretty loud.

**Lily-**

*What am I doing, what am I doing what am I doing…* I couldn't think of anything else
while we were dancing. I couldn't even think of anything else when I took his hand and stood up
on the table with him. The question wasn't `what am I doing,' or even `what am I
thinking,' it's `am I even thinking'? At the moment, I really didn't want to. The
logical part of me said that the charm might wear off. That I shouldn't be dancing with anyone
on a table, much less James Potter, who this time last year I hated with a passion. When had I
stopped hating him?

It was while we were dancing, the room was staring and Black was laughing that I realized I
hadn't ever hated him, because I hadn't ever known him, at least not this side of him. It
was something I'd never thought of before, but had he acted like this around me before I
would've accepted his offer years ago, stupid as that sounds. So while to me he showed himself
to be an arrogant prat, the Marauders and other knew who he truly was, and that was why they always
defended him.

So why had he acted differently around me in the first place? *Idiot*. I mentally berated
myself. *He liked you. He was just trying to show of, what'd you expect him to do?* But
what had changed now?

He didn't like me now as anything more then a friend, which meant he could act normal around
me. I bit my lip, realizing that while James had lost his feelings for me, I'd gotten those
feelings for him. I've used this phrase so many times over the years it feels natural, but
never for this reason. Bloody Potter.

*Maybe you've just had one sip too many of that watered down firewhiskey.* But I
hadn't had a drink of firewhiskey that night. The fact was, I was in love with-

Nope. No, not yet, I'm not even going to go there. He has loads of secrets, *But
doesn't everyone?* A cocky attitude, *not anymore* and… oh, bloody hell. I'd
forgotten at least half of the reasons I'd always said no.

He was playing absently with a piece of my hair, and for the first time in my life I wished it
where a different color, blond, or brown, anything but red. Red is so weird. (**I'm sorry, but
I had to put that in. my Lily is always so confident, and sometimes every girl lacks confidence
when it comes to a guy she likes.)** But he tugged on the ends of that piece without even seeming
to think about it.

I saw the marauder's fan club watching our every move with beady eyes. At least, James's
section of the marauder's fan club. Sirius's was dancing with him, one at a time. I smiled
at their star struck expressions, and how Sirius seemed to enjoy playing around with them. “You
look a lot prettier when you smile.” James voice said in my ear. Yes, he was diffidently back to
his old self, saying something like that. And I found I didn't mind one bit. I let him continue
whispering in my ear, the music in the background. “I used to pull all those pranks hoping to get
you to laugh or smile, or notice me.” Oh, I'd noticed him all right. I was noticing him right
now. “It's good to see you smile” He had no idea how badly I wanted him to smile.

He pulled me away at arms length, his eyes searching mine, questioning. I couldn't help it;
I started to lean in towards him when-

“James! Are you going to open your presents?” the music had stopped, the moment was lost, and I
had no idea how strange I must look, standing on the mahogany table with James Potter. James's
hazel eyes reached inside me one more time before he pulled away and said “Yeah. I'm coming.” I
just stood on the table a moment longer until he offered his hand and helped me down, then thanked
me for dancing with him. He hadn't thanked any of the other girls! Why did I have to be
different? (**Smile, I love torturing Lily!**)

**Sirius-**

“James, are you going to come open your presents?” I heard Mandy call, and silently cursed her.
No, I'd deal with Mandy later; I had to get the locket now. As I raced up to the dorm to get
the locket, (I had known if it was a party in the Gryffindor common room, keeping anything valuable
within the room was a bad idea. And the locket was priceless.) I thought about how happy James had
seemed just a second ago. He would still be smiling, but the light in his eyes had never been as
intense as it had been that moment. Mandy, James number one fan must have seen it too. How close
Lily and James were. When had they gotten so close in terms of relationship? That night I had
locked them in the stone room on Christmas, because they had both simultaneously decided to kill
me? Or the lessons? I shook my head quietly, grabbed the box and raced down the stone steps again.
This would have to be properly thought over later. But this bond was by far deeper than a crush. It
had to be.

I watched as James opened one present at a time, thanking everyone individually, and smiling all
the while. You could tell he found the girl's presents amusing. Things like ties, hair gel and
cologne that we both knew he'd never use. Remus gave him a bag full of pranks, a photo album of
us, and a painting I could bet he hadn't been able to pass up. James, it seemed, wouldn't
have been able to anymore than Remus or myself. A stag stood in the forest, looking towards the
artist. What looked like two wolves where howling at a full moon…but one of them was black and
slightly bigger, like my animagus form. There was no rat as far as I could see, but somehow it felt
right. We all made eye contact and a light of understanding passed between us. We were there for
him if he needed us. I think now he actually knew it.

That was the problem with James. He always felt he had to be the strong one, the one to get us
all through together. He was like the glue. He was like the rock. He was supposed to be the one who
didn't need us, we needed him. I think somehow that moment made him realize it. He continued to
open presents and I let him. I didn't mention that mine was in my hand until he smiled at the
last person, which was a good hour and a half later. It was only then I mutely handed him the
silver box had bought to hold the locket in in Hogsmade. He saw it, looked back up at me, as though
for permission, before slowly opening the lid. His eyes widened slightly, and his lips parted as
though he wanted to say something but couldn't think of what to say.

“I thought you might want that back.” Hs eyes met mine for the second time that night. They were
distinctly red, glassy, and happy, but at the same time sad.

“But… I though it was lost.” Everyone had gone silent at the sight of the locket, and while none
of the, save for Remus, knew the significance of the charm, I could hear his shaking deep voice
easily.

“It was. Now it's found.” Great, the burning was in my throat and eyes too. He carefully,
solemnly, undid the chain and put it on. His eyes said I would explain this cryptic comment later.
Right now… he was just thankful he had it back, even if it meant his mother couldn't. The music
came back on, and people began dancing again. The moment was lost, but not on James and myself. For
us, the moment would be forever etched into our minds, along with all of the other memorable events
we had been through together. We would get through this, one moment at a time.

**Hey, guys. I'm so sorry, I thought I was going to have the idea of Prongs and Lily and
their talk in this chapter, but I really want to update on purely the party and see what you think
of that. Swear that ideas two and three from the last chapter will be in the next one. So sorry for
any frustrations. But I have a lot to do, and everyone wants me to update now. I'm not too sure
if I had put the talk in, what would have been in the next chapter. So this time I demand twelve,
(mean, I know) and when I get them, see how quickly I update? They make me so much happier, and as
son as I get y twelve, I swear I'll update!**



13. I Lost
----------



**AN- Wow… I didn't get twelve, I GOT FOURTEEN! (Does really freaky victory dance sings a
strange combination of songs, while brother inches away in fear. Jumps all over the house
continuing this celebratory dance before settling back down at computer.) I started out with
reviews from only my friends! Now I actually have wonderful, amazing people who review me EVERY
CHAPTER! (Squeals in excitement while brother looks on in what can only be called fear.) Anyways,
I'm so sorry this took so long to update, but my mom thought I was getting a tad bit obsessive,
and these past few days have been nice, so I was locked out of the house when I wasn't in
school to play. But I'm back now, and have lots of new ideas. So tell me what you think of this
chapter, and here are those** **fourteen** **reviewers I have to thank!**

**Pokey- I haven't seen you before, are you new to Portkey? I completely agree with you, I
simply love torturing Lily, and you'll see a lot of it in the next few chapters. She had no
real reason to hate him, nor a right to judge him without knowing him. So there! Also, I got the
whole `I like you but you don't like me, then I give up and suddenly you like me' thing
from my own personal experiences in relationships, or what I hope will happen. I liked him, he
flirted with my friend in front of me… yeah, you get the picture. Anyways, thanks for reviewing,
and hopefully I'll hear from you again!**

**srpalmer- oh, I love leaving people wanting more! There will be fluffy moments, but I'm
not sure what to make about what comes out here…it's all up to the stupid muse, whenever he
decides to show up. Actually, he's been missing for a while… if you see him, please let me
know, he's run off again. Thank you for reviewing, and hopefully I'll hear from you
again?**

**Anonymous- I'm so glad you liked it! Hopefully this one will be just as good, and
I'll try and hurry up with it, but it takes a lot longer than one would think, and I have so
much to do… anyways, thank you for reviewing, and hopefully you'll review again.**

**PurplePasties1985- wow, you've reviewed me twice! Yeah, I don't know if Sirius would
in reality do it, but in my story Sirius is a sweet, thoughtful, worried best friend, and he'd
do it without thinking twice of what it could do to his reputation, so long as James gets better.
More will come as soon as was possible, hopefully you think this one is good too! I'm glad to
hear you're creating your own story it sounds really promising! Try to get one in for
mother's day too, I'd really like to read it, and promise I'll review! Anyways, I
can't believe you were really born on Harry and J.K.'s birthday! That rocks! My birthday is
May 23****rd****! Honestly…well, at least it's coming up! Anyways,
thanks!**

**Sk8er Witch- hey, I've heard from you THREE times1 so cool. And yeah, I guess when I
demand I really do get what I'm after! Oh, that so boosts my ego, not that it really needs
boosting! I feel so special; I've gotten one more review than was necessary! (Smiling so much
my jaw hurts) I still love your name! I'm so glad you love it, I put a lot of time into it, and
your review and opinion mean soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
much! (Jumps up and down all over again.) Can you please review me again, I really like hearing
from you, and it makes me proud and keeps me writing.**

**loudmeggaphone- Hey, it was so great to hear from you again! Anyways, I love torturing
people, whether it's Lily or my readers, so long as it makes you go “Oh!” (Smiles,) While
everyone expected it, it was so fun to write and I had to add it in, you know me! Thanks for your
compliments on the scenes involving the Marauders, I felt like they were really emotional scenes,
and needed to be written properly to be appreciated, so I was really worried about whether or not I
should write them at all. It felt good to know somebody really liked them, because when I re-read
them I still wasn't sure whether to cut them out or not. Also, if there is yelling involved in
any of their talks, it will be out of either necessity or amusement. (Example- “FIX HIM!” “I
DON'T KNOW HOW!”) Anyways, I'll have to keep your review of what you're looking for in
mind and add it to my writings, along with what my bloody muse leaves me with. And wow, I made
someone else choked up… that's happened to me before, but I never knew I could do it to someone
else! Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!!!!! Hopefully I'll hear from you
again, and right now I'll stop babbling so you can read.**

**yekwah- Hey Jane! Great to hear from you again, I love people who review more than once!
I'm not really sporty either, so I have no idea how this will turn out, but I'll try to
have fun with it. And your question had better not be stupid, as I sent them e-mail about something
similar! Anyways, all you do is put in a sample, or at least that's all I did when I didn't
get a reply. I didn't even know then that there were other sites, and all I did was put in one
of my ideas and what couple I wanted to do, though I suppose that was obvious. (L/J) Anyways, good
luck on becoming a Portkey author, and I have no problem with giving out ideas if you need them,
because some ideas I have I have no endings to. We'll se what becomes of you in the future,
good luck!**

**lex- wow, you really like it? Hopefully you'll be as happy as last time, and now that I
know who you are please sign your name every time! By the way, can I call you lex? Anyways, thanx
for your review!**

**sweetkiwi456- did you get my e-mail? I'm honestly horrible about the computer. Anyways,
the demands will expand until I no longer believe they can continue with feeding me reviews,
because this way the lurkers will no longer lurk. Yeah, if you didn't get my e-mail, tell me,
because I'll re-write everything to you later. But otherwise, it's nice to see you're
still reviewing, and again, good luck with exams, and catching up. And you're on the Internet
right now because you love it. What you love always overcomes what you hate! And am I really sweet?
I feel really special! Seriously… you actually got me to smile wider and blush!**

**JayaMioneDurron- I have AOL, but I have to get msn. Still, I'll have it soon, as I need
it to talk to my cousin. When I get it, I'll be sure to post it for everyone, but right now
it's not really up yet. Still, see you soon? And hopefully you'll like the stag talk, I
found it semi-amusing to write. Also, Lily doesn't have a plan! That's what makes it so
much more amusing! Talk to you soon, and thanks for mot being mad about the name thing again,
I'm really sorry about that!**

**Anonymous- you really think I'm talented? Wow… I'm bright red! Uh, I need a name so I
know what to call you, and another review would be really nice, especially one as nice as yours!
(Smiles) THANK YOU SO MUCH!**

**Anonymous- yeah, it's too bad the rating charts down, but thanx for the nine. I try to
keep my readers reading, though I`m not sure what this chapter will do for you. And your review
gave me enough to update, so thank you!**

**moony11- hey thanks! Wow, I've gotten only two people who complimented me one my writing
abilities, and they were both in the last chapter, so that really means something to me! Thank you
for your review, you have no idea how much that inspires me, and you were the one extra person that
made me so excited! Anyways, again thank you, and hopefully I'll hear from you again!**

**Rodeochic122691- hey, I plan on e-mailing you because you asked, but I'm really bad with
computers, and fear I may have screwed something up a little. Let me know if you received it, and
if you didn't I'm sorry, but I'm trying! Thanks for the review and the
compliment!**

**Disclaimer- I'm out of funny, sarcastic, or pointless comments on how ridiculous it is to
say you aren't the author of the book. If you were, you wouldn't give all of your ideas to
the public. So there.**

**James-**

The party went on and on, people falling asleep in the common room, and more presents than I
could have opened all night. Even Lily had gotten me something, although it was meant more to keep
me out of trouble than anything else. Still, I had no idea, (and to this day have no idea) how she
got a hold of it without stealing it, because stealing it alone from Madam Hooch's office was a
real challenge!

It happened to be a snitch. A real, working snitch, like the ones we used in our games. This way
I could still randomly toss it around, but unlike the other one I wouldn't serve detention for
stealing it from Madam Hooch's offices.

Later that night I opened the box the snitch had come in and brought it out. In all honesty it
was early morning, but the clean up had taken minutes with magic, and while everyone else was
sleeping, I was awake with adrenaline. So I let it fly away for a while before catching it again. I
hadn't done this in a while, as I had stopped stealing and `matured' but enjoyed it just as
much. It was something to keep my hand. But like I said, I haven't done this in a while and it
took some practice. So I was chasing the snitch around, afraid of losing it, (as stupid as it
sounds, it was my first gift from the girl I'd been crushing on since third year, can you
really blame me?) when I happened to se a lone figure out the window, sitting by the lake in the
moonlight. I didn't need to see her face I knew that red hair. But what was Lily ding outside
when she had went to bed hours ago? I watched her for a moment, my brain working. When she had
turned me down at the start of term, it had seemed like that was as far as I'd be pushed. I
avoided her, ignored her, and tried as hard as I could to dislike her.

It wasn't working. It really wasn't working. Because when I had danced with her tonight,
it had started up all over again. I had started staring, and saying things I shouldn't have, or
never meant to, or thought. But this time it had a different effect on her. Instead of making her
hex me into next week and back, (she actually did that one, it was so cool!) she actually blushed!
Blushed! I made lily Evans blush!

Bloody hell. What was I getting myself into?

**Lily-**

So now I knew what had happened. I had figured it all out. I had hated James because every time
I saw him he was the center of trouble. But that, I realized, was because that was the only time I
had had seen him. When he was causing trouble. When he wasn't I hadn't given him the time
of the day. It didn't help that James had told me while dancing that he had only pulled these
stunts to impress me.

I had left the party hours ago, but only so I could clear my head. Michelle was giving me a
look, and when James had asked me to dance a fifth time I had agreed, then `went to bed.' Only
I wasn't tired.

So I had broken my own enforced rules and placed myself under a complex charm involving
invisibility, many tongue-twisting words, and a good deal of energy, which had mad me sleepier. But
I was determined not to go to bed yet. I should've stayed invisible, all logic said the grounds
weren't the safest place at night, and a Slytherin was bound to find me. But I had taken my
place at the lake to look for the stag. I needed someone to talk to, Michelle was out cold, and
James wasn't a very good option as he was what I wanted to talk to someone about. So somehow I
had found myself sitting by the lake in the freezing cold night in my pajamas.

I was losing patience with myself. As bad as this is going to sound, I had actually expected the
animal to come. I had snuck out, slipped past the teachers, and walked on the grounds, just to se
an animal.

But the animal came. Slowly, as though not too sure I was here, it went from cantering across
the lake shore to prancing, as though unsure of the ground, before stopping all together. It stood
there, as though waiting for me too do something. It walked casually up to the lake and sat, a
short distance away, ears swiveling to face me.

“Hey.” The stag cocked its magnificent head at me. Still, it didn't seem to mind human
voice, or it would've run by now, right? “ Just need someone to listen… I don't have any
pets, and everyone's asleep.” The stag kept looking at me, warm hazel eyes reflecting from the
moonlight on the lake.

“I've just met someone I thought I knew a long time ago. As soon as he introduced himself, I
hated him. He sounded so cocky and confident, and I could tell right away he was a pureblood, from
how familiar he was with the wizarding world. His friends were the same, just as arrogant, and over
the years I hated their group more and more, especially him. But regardless, he never gave up, and
even though I hated him I admired that quality.” Now that I thought about it, it was true. “But I
kept hating him and cursing him because I had sworn to myself I would defend the people he pulled
the jokes on. And I guess in reality I was just as bad as he was, because I yelled at him for
hexing the people that got on his nerves, but every time he annoyed me, I'd hexed him. And now,
I'm pretty sure he's finally given up on me, which is what I'd thought I'd wanted,
but now that it's actually happened… I think I want him to keep trying. Great, so I'm back
were I started.”

I saw the lights in Hagrid the gamekeeper's cabin turn on, and realized that it must be
around four in the morning, as that was when he started his runs. “Bloody- oh, I have to go…” I was
pretty surprised to see the stag looking up at me in what could only be interoperated as
understanding. Not wanting to lave the beautiful creature without a thank you and a goodbye, I
leaned down and whispered to it “You remind me of that guy…” I think it tensed, but it must have
been because I was whispering in its ear. Still, it let me put my hand on its neck. “You know, his
nickname…oh, what was it? Prongs. I'll call you Prongs, because you listen to me complain as
patiently as he did.” I stroked his head by his antlers thoughtfully. “Prongs… it suits you. Sorry
I can't stay to see the sunset this time, but I'm tired. Goodnight.” I left, never noticing
my hands brush against the silver charm hanging around the stag's neck. Maybe even if I had, I
wouldn't have been able to connect the dots. But somehow it felt good to get my thoughts out to
someone I knew couldn't tell anyone…to bad someone else overheard.

**James-**

You may ask how I ended up hearing the conversation between Lily and the stag. You may, but if
you do, I have to say you're incredibly thick. Yeah, if you hadn't figured it out before, I
was the stag Lily had confided in. But when I transformed back into my human form, I really
didn't know what to make about what I had heard.

I sat there until Hagrid saw me, took a half-hour drilling me on what I was up to, tried to get
me to talk about my mum, nearly force-fed me because of how un-naturally thin I had gotten, and
finally let me go because he had been neglecting his duties for at least an hour.

I had a Quidditch game that day. Of all the days to have a game… why did it have to be today?
While I felt a little better, I still hadn't eaten properly in a while, and I think now that I
didn't know what to do but was no longer feeling completely worthless, the hunger was starting
to kick in. So I was dizzy from hunger and my mind was reeling from what I had just heard.

“Prongs! Where have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere!” Padfoot drifted off. I
had known I looked pretty bad, and I had gotten used to the worried look on Sirius's face, but
at the moment I really could have cared less.

“What?”

“Um… hey, are you sure you don't want to sit this one out?” He asked, his eyes looking me
over once before meeting mine. I was little on-edge I guess, but still, his look got me angry.

“No, Padfoot. I can handle this.”

“But… the party didn't go that long… maybe you should rest.” He persisted. Unfortunately for
him, I was in one of my moods, and Sirius had completely forgotten how I was when I was in one of
my moods.

I probably should've lain down for a bit, but I was the Quidditch captain and was expected
to test the field, get in an early practice, find the weaknesses of the other team…ect, ect.
Anyways, in the end I ignored breakfast again and stood shakily with the rest of the team to the
changing rooms for the game, already wanting to go to bed.

“Prongs, where have you been?” Moony asked as he neared the table. His smile faded as Peter
said,

“Yeah, what's wrong, you look like you've just seen a…” He stopped himself, realizing
the irony of his statement, but as my mother was a muggle-born and I had taken Muggle-studies,
(until Padfoot and I had miss the OWL to play a prank on someone and gotten a T. Yes, there are
actual T's, as both of us can attest to.) I knew where the sentence was going to finish, though
I've never really understood what's so shocking or frightening about seeing a ghost. (Even
the ones hell-bent on revenge amount to little more than your average poltergeist, and they
aren't really that bad, if you know how to talk to them. Peeves is actually quite friendly, and
will do any prank-related favor.)

“I didn't se it, I heard it, and it was much more frightening than any ghost.” Sirius gave
me a look, and I met his blue eyes, shaking my head. We had learned how to talk without words early
in our relationship, (back when we both had a distinct hatred for each other and could tell the
other to watch their backs with a glare,) and his face said clearly that we would talk later.

As I geared up that evening, the changing room was silent, waiting for my mandatory pep talk. It
wasn't coming, because in all honesty I was in no mood for even pretending to be cheerful.
Instead silence reined and Padfoot broke the tension by whispering, “Prongs is a little touchy,
it's that time of the month.” which earned him scowls from the girls and smirks from the boys.
I ignored him, (or rather, put it off until later, when he could be properly embarrassed,)
supposing that it was what one got for being Sirius Black's friend and something that broke the
tension.

“Right, then.” I said aloud. “Good luck. I know we're far ahead, but that doesn't mind
being cocky.”

“It's just a game against the Ravenclaws, James.” Sirius said, sulking.

“Didn't you say something similar the first time you went against me and my team, before?”
James asked, smirking. They both knew how that game had ended up. Sirius had lost, back before they
were at Hogwarts or even friends.

“Ah, sod off.” Padfoot replied, but I took that as a `you won'.

We entered the pitch to Remus's commentary, as his voice boomed over the stands announcing
each of us in turn as well as the Ravenclaw team. It was a late game, sue to that fact that the
first years had had flying lessons earlier that day, and the air was warm, which isn't very
good if you haven't had a decent sleep in weeks and haven't eaten properly in months. I
dragged my feet out with my broom onto the pitch, drowning out the meaningless drabble surrounding
me. Ready at the whistle, the team and myself rocketed upward with the Ravenclaws in a blur of blue
and scarlet.

It wasn't even really a competition; except for how determined the other team was to beat
us. We hadn't lost since I'd become captain in fifth year, and while I had more important
matters on my mind than Quidditch at the moment, I intended to keep my honor. Our chasers were so
much faster, stronger from their physical training as well as their flying abilities. I had had
them train like a muggle fitness trainer would have, as well as their flying. It kept us at the
top.

Gryffindor; 175, Ravenclaw;0. I honestly almost felt bad for them. Mindlessly scanning for the
snitch, I caught sight of a color I'd really rather avoid never seeing again. Sure enough,
there sat a tired but happy Lily Evans in the stands, rooting Gryffindor on. She had never been to
a game of our own before, but now she looked as spirited as ever, and it wasn't until Michelle
pointed out my starting I realized I had lost focus, something that was deadly in Quidditch. She
waved, and transfixed, I waved back, just as the Ravenclaw seeker, who was desperate to end the
game so that Gryffindor would at least only earn 175 points and no more, made a rough dive and
caught the snitch.

Gryffindor won. But for the first time in my memory of playing Quidditch, I lost.

**Blackmail- I know it was short. And I know, you wanted me to write more after fourteen
reviews. But this is all I have right now, for this chapter. If I went into what I want to do next
it would involve a lot longer of a wait and many angry reviewers. So I am only demanding the number
I got before, because now I know I can reach it. Can you guys pull off fourteen for me? If you can,
I promise a really long werewolf chapter, in which we may learn what Lily thinks of werewolves. (I
haven't decided yet.) Anyways, that's the set review rank. If I do not reach fourteen, I
may update, I may not… if I do, it could take al summer… (Smiles evilly) tootles- (“Oh, hate that
word…”)**



14. To Become of Age and Letters.
---------------------------------



**AN- There is something everyone should know before this chapter. MY PARENTS ROCK AND ARE NOT
BASED ON THE PARENTS IN THIS STORY! That was just incase anyone I know reads this and gets the
wrong impression. I have a wonderful home life, aside from being rarely grounded or the average
fight. SO DON'T THINK THIS IS A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE! Also, I've been thinking, and because
a lot of reviews with those concerned about my grammar, I really need a beta, however no one I know
is really willing, (and ProngsGurl, don't even offer, the last time you tried to proof-read
something, it ended up quite the mess.) I was thinking if someone wouldn't mind, I could e-mail
you the chapter, and maybe you could to a little check-over for me? This would mean it might take a
while to update, so I really need patience. I plan to get that problem fixed. Anyways, if you like
the story but your problem's the grammar, it's something I can fix. I just write for fun,
(thus the reasoning behind writing on a non-profit organization,) but I realize that at some points
it may become difficult to read. (Hey, I have gotten better from prior chapters, right… right?)
Anyways, I have 20 REVIEWERS TO THANK!!!!!!!!!!!! (Does dance seen in prior author's
notes.)**

**SamBoy- Yah, I know. I don't pay attention in English. But if you read on from the third
chapter, I've gotten better.**

**Lex- call me whatever you want, really, even ppe. I'm so glad you liked it, because quite
a few this time around didn't. And Gryffindor didn't lose. They won, 150 to 175. But James
lost, in a sense that while the team won, Ravenclaw caught the snitch. He had nothing to do with
them winning. Anyways, thanks so much for the encouragement! See you next chapter?**

**Pokey- it's nice to see a new face, especially a kind one! Anyways, H/Hr can be a little
fun, but in the end we don't really know whether it will be them together or someone else. I
like L/J because you know what happens…you just have no idea how they got there. It's fun to
figure out the million different ways. And no problem for the thank-you's, I just didn't
really review before, and now I know how it kind or feels not to get one, so I appreciate anyone
who takes the time to write to me. And yeah, I like torturing Prongs, I like torturing Lily… wow,
guess I'm pretty bad, huh? Hopefully this chapter will be a bit longer, but I wanted to do this
part now. Thanks!**

**Muirnin- Ouch, that particular comment on why I write stings! I would get a beta, (and maybe
still will, it depends on if anyone volunteers,) but everyone I know is fourteen or under, (no I
don't even have any high school friends for next year. Isn't that sad?) But I didn't
think it was so bad you couldn't read it, I'd actually thought my grammar might have
slightly improved. I've learned from this story, and the reviews tell me what people think I
need, what people don't understand, or why people dislike my work. If it were the grammar,
GREAT, you'd make the perfect beta. If it's the plot line, don't bother and find
another fanfic to read. I write for passion too, which is one of the reasons I need a beta; I write
ignoring the rules, because in my mind writing is the only thing in which we can make the rules for
ourselves. When I write, and I mean a story, a poem, or a song, it can't be forced, or it
won't come out right. Thus the many rushed chapters. But I have an idea of what I want and how
I'm going to get there, and that's what my writing is about, along with the reviews.
I'm thirteen. And I'm learning still. But I write because writing is my outlet, as well as
my art, and this may sound a little critical, but yours did too. So here are my questions. You said
something along the line of me being over ambitious, but I want my works published because I want
people I don't know reading them. I have a dream and a goal, and it keeps me going and hopeful.
So maybe you're a little under-ambitious? I don't know, I just know that when I have an
idea, I can crank out a story within three months while attending school and putting up with
homework. I have encouragement, and I have people who believe I can. Then, I have people who
believe I can't, and I want to prove them wrong. Anyways, the point is that, yes, when I write
I write for passion. Also, what is your definition of short? I suppose it depends on how much time
you have on your hands. I, for example, have after-school activates, school, and my artwork to keep
up with. No one's complaining, and even if they were hey, this is the best I can do. And I
thank all of my reviewers because I know it takes time just to review once and I appreciate anyone
who takes the time to make suggestions, or give me a compliment. I haven't read your works,
probably because I'm only thirteen and we seem to have a different opinion of passion, but they
sound somewhat impressive… also, the Quidditch match paragraph was during the match, meaning by the
end of the match, it was 150 to 175, but at that moment (when he was looking at Lily) it was 0 to
175. It says the seeker was desperate, and wanted to make sure that if they lost, at least they
weren't swamped. And no offense is meant by this statement, but not really anything anyone says
can stop my writing. It was nice to have a critic, or someone to contradict, (when I'm in a
mood like this, I like arguing,) and I haven't had one in a while. Thanks for sharing with me
what you believe is passion. I believe in something else.**

**JayaMioneDurron- I thought Lily should give James the snitch because of the irony (yah got to
love irony) and because for some weird reason it's the thing I remember above all other things
when I think about that chapter. (Snape's worst Memory.) Did your two friends really hate each
other at first? I'm sorry, I probably should be sympathetic towards brick head, but it was just
too funny, the way you said it. I'm so glad you liked it, I'm no longer forcing people to
review, but please if I ask nicely will you continue? I really look forward to your reviews! And I
tried to install msn, I'm not sure if I did it right though, but I should have it.**

**lily- I can't promise anything, but I hate it when James and Lily fight too, so we'll
see what we can work out. Come to me if you have any suggestions. Thank you for your
review.**

**Sweetkiwi456-hey, how are you doing after your exams? I didn't get an e-mail, but
that's understandable, you're under a lot of stress right now. No problem on the big-words
think, I can be creative! Thank you for the compliment! And yeah, it would be sunrise, but in every
other time they've been together, they've ended watching the sunset. So that's why she
used sunrise rather than sunset. I'll write you e-mail soon.**

**quidditchfan1220- yeah, I've had to answer that question a lot this chapter; maybe I
should've been clearer. But yeah, in the end it was 150 to 175. I'm flattered by the
compliment, and I am no longer demanding reviews, but hopefully you will continue anyways.**

**Anonymous- you're one of the first people I've ever met that likes the point of view.
Thank you!**

**Fire Gazer-Yeah, I guess it was a little depressing. But hey, that's just how I write!
And I found it highly amusing that Lily distracted him, when he CAN'T BE DISTRACTED! He's
supposed to be the captain, so I had to have my fun. I'm no longer demanding reviews, but if
you can I'd really appreciate one. Thanks!**

**Yekwah- Are you really from Australia? Wow! Eeee…(jumps up and down and up and down)
that's awesome! You guys think you aren't happy with Bush, we aren't happy with him
either! When they re-elect I doubt he'll win, what's this crap he's trying to pull with
the weapons of mass destruction? So yeah, the aussies aren't the only ones unhappy with him, if
you're even from Australia! Thanks for all the compliments, and yes they can take a while to
get back to you on your questions, that's why it's always better to just ask another
author. And yeah, I know my Quidditch skills lack, but I'm not, (never have been, never will
be….) a jock. I couldn't play sports to save my life! And what do you mean school's started
again? Oh that's right, your school's been over for break… haha we have only two more weeks
and then summer break! (Smiles smugly!) Anyways, please do create a fanfic, I'd like to read,
and if you have any questions please come to me, I'd love to help! And I'm in
8****th** **grade, so I don't know if that's called year 8 or what over
there, but I'm thirteen if it helps. (Fourteen may 23!) Anyways, nice to hear from you, if you
can, review next time, but this time I don't think I'll demand reviews, as I now have so
many that I can't thank everyone without taking up so much space!**

**PurplePasties1985- that made me cry I was so happy! I mean, if I get an insult I can usually
try to brush it off, but a compliment like yours deserves so much thanks! You actually made me
whole day better, this friend of mine likes the guy I like, and she's really close so I
don't want to hurt her feelings and… the day just bombed, but your review really made up for
it! Thank you thank you thank you! And thank you, yeah my birthday is May
23****rd****, have fun on your trip! I liked the Lily talk, because I just love
tormenting my characters and their sanity. This should do a number on James. (Reads through the
review and squeals again at the comment on how it's your favorite l/j) thank you thank you
thank you! And yeah, I'm thirteen right now, and was when I started this story. I'll be
fourteen May 23****rd****, and next year will be my first in High school. I'm
no longer demanding reviews for several different reasons, though I will continue to thank those
who do choose to review, and I'd really like to hear from you, I've come to look forward to
it! I hope someday I make my dreams and see my books on the shelves, but we'll just have to
wait and see…**

**Eschiva- have I read that name somewhere? Where did you get it, I love it! And I plan to keep
writing, but I'm not sure what I'm doing with this fic, or even fanfic, when my mom is so
adamant on my NOT obsessing over fanfiction.**

**Disclaimer- hey everyone, my muse is back. I think he's been sneaking around the Internet
and brought back a random idea. Little bugger! (Tries using English)**

**James-**

While I was well aware that I was of-age, (as I'd been excited about doing magic outside
Hogwarts since I'd found out you *couldn't* do magic outside of Hogwarts,) it
didn't mean I knew very much about it. I hadn't honestly thought about it at all until
Dumbledore brought it up at a Head Meeting. He said something about figuring out which direction my
life was going, but I was completely gone by then. A while ago I had thought I had known what I
wanted, and how to get it. Now I was at a loss as to where my future was headed.

Just the thought of leaving Hogwarts and its shelter scared me. We had been discussing our
careers since before the OWL's, and I had laughed at the idea, all of us had. It had seemed so
far off. But I would be leaving in a few months. And I had no idea where I was going.

“James?” Lily called, jogging to keep up with me. Realizing I was racing again, I slowed down
and let Lily walk at her own pace. “James, are you all right. You kind of spaced off back there,
and when Dumbledore dismissed us you ran off. James?” I suppose I must have blocked that part out,
because I only remember it from when she repeated herself.

“Yeah, I'm fine…”

She could tell from the glazed look on my face, I knew. Sirius had always said it gave me away
when I was trying to lie, or something was wrong. “No, you're not. What's bothering you?”
When I didn't answer she continued. “You listened to me complain so much. I owe you one.” I
smiled at the irony in her statement, as she had no idea how often she'd complained to me, but
stopped and said just the same.

“I don't really know what I'm going to do when I leave.”

Lily looked stunned. “You mean you don't know your career choice and yet you're Head
Boy? What is the world coming to?” See? This is why I NEVER complain to a redhead. NEVER! She
seemed to see these words from the look on my face, (I'm told hiding my emotions isn't one
of my better qualities) and quieted. She adopted what she must have believed to be a soothing
voice, but in al honestly Lily's voice always held undertones of something lese. This time it
had gone from exasperation to worry in a look, which is really saying something for Lily. When
she's angry about something, she doesn't let it go until she's had her say in the
matter usually. “You must have had some idea. I mean, you had to choose your courses after your
results in fifth year came back, and I'm pretty sure we had a career appointment or something
of that nature to know hat grades we had to polish, but I can't really remember.” She frowned,
while I smirked without mirth, which I can tell you is very possible.

“You wouldn't remember McGonagall cancelled yours because you were excelling in everything
except her class. She personally tutored you, remember?” Lily nodded.

“But that wasn't a meeting to go over my career, she just pulled me aside after class.” She
paused, thinking. “And how did you know about that. I'm sure I didn't tell anyone, I was
really embarrassed about how poorly I was doing in Transfiguration.”

I kept on walking, and she waited for my answer. When she realized she wasn't going to get
one, she simply walked beside me in silence until I cleared from my mind about how much I had liked
her before, how I had begged Padfoot, (and bought him an extremely expensive dragon-hide jacket,)
to tell me what McGonagall had wanted with Lily. Instead I asked, “What's involved in becoming
of-age?”

“Why would I know? My birthday isn't until the last few days of the school year.”

“Because you told us all about it in fifth year when we were preparing for the OWL's and you
thought we didn't fully comprehend the importance of the exams.” I replied smartly. Lily
frowned.

:”I would hardly call flicking dungbombs at the first years preparation for an exam. And if I
told you all about it, why are you asking me?”

“Would you believe me if I said I didn't catch a word of what you said that year because I
was too busy listening to the tones of your voice?” Maybe she'd buy it…

“No.” Maybe not. “But becoming of age means you start to hone in on what you want to do, you go
through apperation tests, and you become a legal adult. If you wanted to, you could go and get your
own house, not in the muggle world, but in the wizarding world. You'll also have to go sign
some papers with Felton, minister of magic, on using magic outside of school. You have the option
of getting a new wand that fits your job a bit better. Speaking of, you never told me. What did you
want to do when you went to your career advice meeting with McGonagall?”

Part of me didn't want to answer, but there was no shame in what I had wanted. The shame was
that I was too afraid now to reach for it. Finally, I made my decision. “I had wanted to be an
Auror.”

“Oh.” With that we entered silently into the portrait hall, and I walked up to my dorm, leaving
Lily watching my retreating back.

I wasn't very surprised to find the dorm room empty. It was only around nine, and Padfoot
tends to stay out as late as he can without getting caught, he usually drags Moony along, and
Wormtail follows them like parasite he sometimes acts like. He seems to think he needs us, which he
doesn't, he'd do fine by himself, but Padfoot, (and, while ago, me too,) has always liked
attention, and admiration, so we sort of accepted Peter as one of us, or one of our closer
fans.

I sunk into my bed, not to sleep but to think. I used to do this at Hogsmade, (which now filled
me with memories of that night,) or by the lake, (where Lily could find me,) or in the common room,
(where I was sure Lily was,) but as these spots were taken, I'd spent a lot of time moping up
here. I was still moping when Snitch, the small tawny owl I keep at home, flew in through the
window, a letter tied around it's leg. Mom always used to send the letters, but as she was gone
I could only assume it was dad, about my `coming-of-age'. I hadn't received a gift this
year from him, but with mom's loss I hadn't expected to. Carefully unrolling the parchment,
it read,

*James,*

*Your mother wanted to be the one to write this, but as she's not here anymore, I am. You
know how bad I am with words so I'll just lay the things your mother wanted you to do out for
you.*

*She was going to have you invite a few friends over for the weekend after you became of-age.
You'll need to stay here over the weekend anyway to visit the minister and take your apparition
test, she had the idea you would want to take your friends out to dinner or something of the sort
after you sign the papers with the minister, and I'll hold to her wishes. Should you decide to
do this, the money will be in the vault, and I probably wont be home very often. You have the key,
you can get he money for yourself. These friends you have are welcome to stay for the weekend, but
no more.*

*She also got you a gift a month before she passed away, it will be in your room when you
arrive. Take it back with you when you leave, I don't want it here.*

*The next matter is something she was rather adamant on, but I don't want you to have
anything to do with it. I'll tell you about it, because she planned to, but ask you as your
father not to participate in it. Your headmaster, Dumbledore, began a group recently, this past
year, called the Order of the Phoenix. It is an elite group of people determined to vanquish the
rising dark lord, (whose name she would say but I would not,) and only allows you, with your
parent's permission, to enter once you of of-age. When you turn twenty-one, your parents have
no say in the matter, and if I could I would stop you from even considering it, as I know you are.
But it was in your mother's will, which she wrote when she joined the order, along with a
letter she wrote just for you. This too is on you bed, still sealed. Should you choose to join the
order, you'll have to contact Dumbledore on it, and show him the letter written by your
mother.*

*This was everything she wrote me to tell you. Happy birthday.*

*John Potter*

I couldn't believe him! Not so much as an `I love you', or `your father'. But I
couldn't have expected anything more from him he never was really social. Losing mom must have
made it so much worse.

I mulled the idea mom had had in my head. Being with my friends could help, and certainly was
better than sitting at home alone all weekend. I'd bring everyone who had helped me in the past
few months. Remus, Peter, and Sirius, who didn't even need to be named. But who else…

**Lily-**

“Are you sure you want me to come?” I had no idea what he was playing at. I thought he hated me
before, now he's sensitive. James must have more emotional ups and downs than I do, and
that's really saying something, as I'm a redhead.

“Yeah. Michelle's coming, as we couldn't pull her and Remus apart, Sirius's coming,
but I didn't really have to say that, and Peter… can't really kick him out.” James was
pretending to be extremely laid-back and happy. I don't know too much about James Potter, but
you can tell his emotions, he wears them on his sleeve. I, on the other hand, tend to hide how I
feel unless I want to people to know. “Michelle can't be the only girl at dinner.”

“Uh…I'm not sure…” I noticed Remus and Sirius's panicked looks, as Remus called James
over, insisting it was urgent, and Sirius rushed up to me.

“Look, you say no, and you stay here all weekend. But Remus and I, we'll have to put up with
a moping James all weekend! And you've seen him over the past year! You can't just leave us
with him!” Sirius said all this so fast I almost didn't understand him, in a quiet voice so
James couldn't hear. “Please! I'm willing to actually beg you.”

This may sound crazy, but I see animals in people sometimes and Sirius was a puppy. A cute,
fuzzy one. So when he pleaded or pouted, he had the look of a sad little dog. “Besides, don't
you kind of owe him?”

Yeah, I owed him for listening, for offering, and for all the un-deserved insults. So I agreed.
It could be fun.

**Remus-**

I have no idea what James was thinking, if he was even thinking. The idea just sounded too good
to be true. And sure enough, there were quite a few flaws in the plan. The first of these flaws
would be my transformation.

Secretly, I look forward to transforming now. It became the highlight of my month, because I was
with my friends and no longer expected to be in control. I could run wild and welcome my other
form. But no one but James, Sirius, Peter and myself know about what I am, and I had hoped to keep
it that way. The first night I'd be fine, if not a little pale or nauseous. Saturday night,
I'd be a full-fledged wolf.

James, apparently, had all of this planned out. Sirius would transform to keep me busy, and
James would cover it up to the girls in any way necessary. The second problem I wont reveal until I
get to that particular point in the weekend. But when the other three Marauders and I planned this
on the way, while the girls had gone to get food from the trolley, it had barely been sketched out.
No one even knew what James would say to make the girls leave me alone.

Other than planning this out, the train ride was passed in a fairly comfortable silence; aside
from the fact neither Lily nor James would look each other in the eye. It was clear to any idiot
now that Lily returned James feelings, and James knew it. He just didn't know what to do with
it. It would probably make the weekend much more interesting.

The train dropped us off at Kings Cross, where it always does. There where far less people here,
which made it even harder to blend in, and we had no idea how we were getting to James's house.
He hadn't mentioned anything and his dad hadn't mentioned anything, and for about an hour
we wondered if we'd been forgotten, until a sleek, black, ministry car pulled up. Assuming it
was for us, (though since the driver never spoke, I suppose it could have been for someone else and
we would never know,) we all clambered in.

The car pulled in front of James house as we stepped out, and I couldn't help it. My mouth
dropped open. I'd known James for seven years, but in those seven years, there'd always
been some reason or another I couldn't come over, whether it was him or me. It just had never
worked out. But when he'd said the lived in a big house, he meant huge! I have to ask, now, why
all purebloods are always rich. I mean, I'm not complaining, I'm a half-blood, but even the
nice ones live in mansions like this. It all goes back to the whole discrimination thing. My
father, a muggle, supported me but had no idea what to do with a werewolf come full moon. So James
had seen my house before, when he'd some to help ease the transformation. But this I had never
seen.

I'm not sure how exactly to describe the house. If you've ever seen the houses Hollywood
actors or actresses live in on the television, it would work fairly well from what I could see.
Brick, covered in vines, and welcoming, somehow I could see the Potters living here. Most large
mansions feel forbidding, but Harriet and John wouldn't have been one to own such a home, as
far as I knew. They had always been polite and yet kind when I had met the in the years prior, even
to me, though I was a half-blood. (They didn't know what else I was. We weren't going to
push it too far.)

Luckily, I wasn't the only idiot gapping; Lily, Michelle, and Peter seemed to be doing the
same. Sirius and James were already pulling the trunks out of the car, thanking the silent driver
and carrying the things in. James just had an amused look on his face, shook his head, and steered
all of us inside.

The house elf showed each of us to our rooms, and I couldn't help but notice James taking
his time guiding us to them. Normally, I was fairly sure that's what the elves were for, but he
didn't seem too interested in what we thought of where we slept. He seemed more interested in
avoiding where *he* slept.

Afterwards, we all left the potter's mansion, or manor, as he insisted it was called, to eat
at whatever fancy and expensive restaurant Mr. Potter had reserved for us. The car he had
requested, (more like demanded most likely, Mr. Potter happens to be a head Auror, and can get
whatever service he wants from the ministry without pleasantries,) arrived at exactly six, (just
because the car was on time didn't mean we were. Lily and Michelle took a while to get ready.).
Not very much happened during the meal, other than James and Lily glancing at each other in turns
and missing the other each time. As amusing as it was, I didn't see as much happen that night
as James, who told me about it later. Now that I've gotten the chance to tell the boring and
long part of the story, I'll let James tell the emotional part and hope later I can recall the
events of the night that followed.

**James-**

I wasn't very hungry, and ate just to keep Lily, Sirius and Remus away from questioning me.
But in all honesty I knew that while I could sleep in another room the rest of the weekend, I could
avoid my room forever. Eventually I'd have to read whatever my mother had left for me, and read
whatever she had thought I'd needed to know.

It would be a lot more than I had expected. The letter sat, still sealed, in the middle of the
bed, next to a wrapped package. I opened the letter first, still dreading the words but curious. It
was a morbid sense of curiosity, but it helped me to open the seal.

*James~*

*If you're reading this, I owe you an apology. It means we didn't get as much time
together as you deserve, and for that I'm sorry. We had so much planned, and I know right now
you're going through a painful and difficult time. I wish I could be there for you, but I
can't. That brings me to the package I left for you.*

*Whether you'll admit it or not, you have the same gift with words I do. You can hide it
like you used to, but I thought this would help.*

At this point, I brushed my fingers across the package. As strange as this is going to sound, I
wasn't focusing on what my mother had left me as much as I was realizing that it was the last
thing my mother *had* left me. It brought me out of the numbness, the denial, that had been
surrounding me since a few weeks ago, and brought a new feeling. The loss was old, but I no longer
felt like it was impossible to heal. The icy pain was gone, and it was like a wound that could
finally bleed, and then heal.

*Go on, quit sulking and open it like any normal person would have.* She knew me too well.
*I remember when I was little, and I would read you stories and poems out of that thick bound
golden edged book, don't you? You would ask me to read you bedtime stories, but any story from
that book would keep you up for hours, thinking about all of the possibilities. I told you later
how I had written the book, how it had been my collection of short stories. You have that same
ability to write how you feel, and if you want to hide it that's not my place to tell you not
to. But you need to let it out all the same. Here's your outlet. Enjoy.*

The book had golden edged pages, and a deep red colored binding. It was a simple diary,
something to lock my thoughts in, with a spell similar to the ones the ministry would use to
protect their most heavily guarded secrets. It was the best gift she could have given. It turned
back to the letter no crinkled from how tightly I was gripping it. I smoothed it out and
continued.

*Your father doesn't want you to do this. He's always been more protective of you, but
I trust you to do what you feel is right. I hereby give you permission to join, of your own free
will, (and at great personal risk,) The Order of the Phoenix. I'll let Dumbledore go into
detail, should you choose to, but to help you along I your decision, I will tell you that not all
jobs involve fieldwork, some can be behind the scenes. My only request is that you have nothing to
do with joining the Death Eaters, if not for your dignity than for mine.*

*James, love, I'm not saying you're selfish, so don't get angry, but there are
more people than just you hurt, and Sirius and your father need you. My death will have affected
them to some extent, and they'll need to come to you much like you will need to go to them.
It's probably best if you keep an eye on your father and his problems, and Sirius will be
grieving my death. I left him a letter to; it's hidden in the spot in the bookshelf, where I
used to keep my book.*

*I love you. The things I left for you, other than this book, are hidden with Sirius's
letter. Xxoo ~ Mom.*

It was as sentimental as mom would get when writing her death letter. Some of her works were
deep, emotional, but I could, (and still can) picture her sitting there at her desk in the study,
imagining what things would be like if she were to pass away in the line of duty. She had the
attention span of a few seconds without her mind wandering.

All the same, it had me reduced to tears for the next few hours over the piece of parchment. I
think she must have needed something else, but heard me crying. I have no idea how it happened, but
somehow she ended up comforting me again, without even knowing what I was crying about. It wound up
sobbing on her shoulder, very aware by the time I had calmed down that the only girl I had ever
really felt a need to impress had just seen me crying. Calming down, I ran a hand through my hair,
something I haven't done in forever, and looked up at her face immediately to see her reaction.
She looked surprised, but smiled slightly when she saw me studying her.

I remembered her words by the lake. It was the last thing I wanted to think about, but as I
didn't have anything else to think about, and she was sitting here, on the edge of my bed at
about eight comforting me, my mind wound up on the topic. I really didn't need a girlfriend to
worry about now, not to mention I didn't need to have the pressure of trying to impress her
every time. But that was the thing about Lily. You had to go to some extent to grab and keep her
attention. Any old tricks I had used on anyone else wouldn't work on her. There was no way any
relationship between us would work out, after all those years where she hated me.

But I could thank her, right? So I just gave her a sweet little kiss on the cheek, before I
whipped off my face, smiled at her, and walked away, not very sure how to feel or what to think
about the surprised look on her face. She didn't follow me out, and I didn't make her.
She'd come out when she felt like it, and hopefully she wouldn't explode on me for that,
but it had seriously been a spur of the moment thing. Somehow I didn't think she'd
mind.

Guess who was cackling outside the door. “Sirius!”

“What? That was so, ah…what's the word Michelle used? Cute! That's the word!” I was
about to ask what he meant when I looked behind him to see Michelle, Peter, and Remus hightailing
it around the corner and out of there. I saw, from the corner of my eye, Sirius try to do the same,
and grabbed the collar of his muggle-style shirt to keep him from doing so.

“Never mind that, I need to talk to you. Mum left you a letter, and some stuff in her will I
think.” Sirius's smiling quickly stopped as he realized why I was crying, and he nodded
solemnly. We walked in silence down the winding stairs and to the main floor, then through the hall
that lead to her study. There sat the book, on the bottom shelf from when I was little and
couldn't reach much higher. I pulled a letter out of the pages of the favorite story of dragons
and Merlin she read to us when we were about seven. I saw I wasn't the only one about to cry,
Sirius looked as close as I did, but he seemed determined not to. I handed him his note, and
watched as he gave in and silent tears streamed down his face too. After he finished, I watched him
fold the note again and stick it back in the envelope. He took the book from me and ran his fingers
over the spine.

“You should have this. Do you know who she left it for?” His voice sounded rusty, and I saw a
flash of a thinner, darker Sirius, an older one that didn't smile. I promised myself that after
everything he had done for me, I wouldn't let that happen. (**I know, how sad, but the
opportunity was there and I had to write it.**)

“I don't know. She said it was all in the will. But the book's kind of dusty, she must
have written these letters a while ago.” I replied bitterly. Somehow I didn't trust my dad with
the will.

He swallowed hard and helped me up. “ You okay mate?”

A month ago I hadn't been, even though I had said I was. A few hours ago, I had insisted I
was, but even then I had been anything but. Now, though, I honestly said, “Not yet. But I think I
will be.”

“Prongs, no more impressive, deep, artistic words. Just too weird coming from a boy not in a
soap opera.” I smiled sardonically and followed Sirius out. For the first time in months, that
night I had a dreamless sleep.

**AN- I'm sorry it took so long, now even my little brother is afraid I've gotten
obsessive over fanfiction and thinks I need a little break. So I had to deal with my family, and I
was sick for the last few days. Anyways, this was the last chapter in depression, as James is no
longer depressed, but I was thinking about a sequel, what do you think? Anyways, it would cover the
rest of the year, including the first awkward kiss, to a little farther, maybe even Harry's
birth or their deaths, I'm not sure. Please share you thoughts! Thank you for those who
reviewed me during this story. I owe you so much, it makes me feels all fuzzy inside to know some
people appreciate what I write! THANK YOU!**