Love's emotions

sunshinebelle

Rating: PG13
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 11/12/2003
Last Updated: 12/12/2003
Status: paused

A story of a crush from Hermione's point of view. She can't eat.. she can't sleep.. could it be love? But how can love happen to someone like Hermione.. there is no such thing as love! Or is there..? Please read and judge for yourself whether or not you like it.

Chapters

1. Butterflies in my stomach

2. Beautiful Horizon

1. Butterflies in my stomach

Love's emotions-- by sunshinebelle

A/N: This is my story; Love's Emotions. Im not quite sure how long it will be, I suppose it will depend on the amount of reviews I have had. I wrote the first few chapters in September and posted them then, but somehow they got deleted. So here they are again, now.

I haven't been here at Portkey in a while until recently, so this was the first chance I have had to send them in. I hope you enjoy this story, and please review so I am encouraged to write more.

Thanks! ~*Amanda

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters (obviously) I am only a fan. If I did own Harry Potter, would I really be here posting my stories on this site, when I could be getting them published? *raises eyebrow*

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INSPIRATIONAL WORDS: "--Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.--"

~Part of Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Love's Emotions Chapter one: Butterflies in my stomach

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Autumn leaves floated gently from the trees gently. A fall smell was in the air, which always reminded Hermione of one thing. School. Hogwarts.. her favourite place in the world.

Hermione followed her parents into the train station, casually walked through the barrier to the platform 4 3/4, like she always did. She kissed her mum and dad farewell, and boarded the Hogwarts train along with a few other early students. She had gotten here, to the train, an hour earlier then it would leave for a purpose. To compose herself.

Hermione sat by the window, and watched people go by as she sat and though about things.

She had always looked forward to going back to school each year, but somehow this year was different. Maybe it was because Sirius, a great man, had died in the past year, somehow starting the battle against Voldemort and the death eaters, perhaps it was because she knew somehow that her best friend, Harry, was in danger. He never spoke of it, he never told her, nor their friend Ron, what he had talked about with Dumbledore.. Yet somehow, after that conversation it seemed as if a load had been placed on Harry's shoulders as heavy as time itself.

Even though both of these things were deeply distressing to Hermione, something else was plaguing her, and causing her to dread this first day.

Something much more.... childish and unimportant.

Something had caused Hermione to turn into a blushing, giggling teenager. Somehow, she had turned into a typical girl.. Much like Pavarti Patil, or Lavender Brown, her roommates. This was something Hermione had vowed never to do. She had vowed never to go crazy over a boy, trying out different makeup, fixing her hair, trying to improve herself. And yet, she had. She worried every second if she was good enough for him.. if she was worthy of him.

If he would ever see her as 'more then a friend'.

Hermione told herself-- nay, promised herself, she wouldn't act like such an idiot around guys.

She had promised herself she would try to be a normal person, and try to approach the situation from a mature and intelligent point of view. She thought it had worked, when she had started seeing Viktor Krum, a famous Quidditch player. She realized now, that she was naive.

Sure, she had liked Viktor...

She hadn't felt that sickly bubbling feeling in her stomach. She hadn't had the urge to run her hands through his hair, or touch his skin. She hadn't felt the need to press her lips to his.

She didn't love him.

Now that she had experienced 'love' or at least longing of sorts, there was no holding back.

She was completely overcome with feelings.. She worried about her appearance all the time.

She had never done that before now.

How did Hermione handle her feelings? Like any other love struck teenager would. She wrote it in a letter. A love letter, just for him. Did she have any intention of giving it to him? Of course not.

But she needed to write her feelings down, just the same.

All of a sudden she heard a door slam. Hermione jumped with a start and looked around anxiously.

Was it him? Was he here already?

"Hey Hermione!"

It was Neville Longbottom.

"Oh." Hermione sighed, half annoyed, half relieved. "Hello Neville. How are you doing?"

"Good." Neville smiled at her. "Sorry I can't chat.. I have to go say bye to Gram. I'm sitting with Dean and Seamus today, they're here early too. But I'll talk to you later!"

Then without another word, he sped off.

Hermione blinked, and then finally relaxed, settling back into her chair, with a big sigh.

Oh, what was she to do?? Even the thought of him drove her crazy. How would she react around him? A thought suddenly struck her. Could he notice? Would he be able to recognize her feelings by her face, and her actions? Hopefully not.

She rubbed her eyes, almost in slow motion. What was wrong with her?

It was only him.

She heard a knock on the compartment door.

"Come in." she called, anxiously.

It was him.

"Hey." he smiled slightly.

"Hi Harry." she managed, a huge lump in her throat.

"How are you doing?" he asked her as he sat down across from her.

"Fine." she quickly lied. "How are you doing Harry?" she asked, with concern.

"I've been better." he said quietly. "But I've been worse."

Hermione nodded, trying to study him for something--anything to show what was troubling him, besides the obvious.

"Where's Ron?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"Dunno." Harry mumbled, as he shrugged. "I came here early to think.."

"I know the feeling." Hermione whispered.

"Hmm?" he asked, looking up, confused. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh." she stumbled. "Er.. well.. nothing. Do you need to be alone? Because if you do, I can leave." she got up hastily, and headed towards the door.

Then she felt his hand on her arm, stopping her from leaving.

She closed her eyes, sighing deeply. Why did he have this affect on her?

She turned slowly around, to meet his eyes.

"Don't leave." he said, his brow furrowed. "What makes you think I want you to leave. I just don't want to be around Ron while I think, because he can't stay still and quiet for long. I have no problem being around you."

"Well... okay then." she whispered, blushing, as she looked down at his hand on her arm.

He hastily removed it, grinning.

"Sit." he commanded with a smile.

She did so, feeling as if she was going to pass out.

They made polite chit-chat, and then suddenly they went into elapsed silence, and Hermione, yet again, stared out the window, letting her thoughts wander.

When had she realized she loved him? This summer. Quite by accident actually..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 11th

"Mum!!" Hermione called, as she ran down the stairs, finally stopping to pull on her jacket.

It was windy out.

"Yes?" her mom asked, quickly as she walked into the living room where her daughter, Hermione was quickly pulling on her sandals.

"Has it come yet?"

Mrs. Granger let out an exasperated sigh. "No dear, it hasn't come. Honestly is that all you think about?" she went off tutting into the kitchen.

Hermione rolled her eyes, running out the door, to wait for Hedwig.

She was expecting a letter from Harry today.. of course her mum wouldn't understand. She never had a close relationship with a friend. Hermione guessed that not many people had.

They were so close that she couldn't believe it. Best friends.

She thought about him constantly, wondered what he would do in every situation, and felt a flutter in her stomach whenever she spoke to him, or even thought of him.

They were as close as two friends could be.

So it was natural that Hermione was anxious for her letter from him wasn't it?

It's not like she was obsessed or anything.

Just then she spotted a snowy owl swoop down from the sky, carrying a parcel.

It was Hedwig! He quickly dropped the parcel to the ground, accepted a light pat on the head and then was off again, probably busy.

Hermione let out a high-pitched squeal, and ran inside, with her parcel under her arm.

"Mum!" she called happily. "It's here! And look! He sent me a parcel with his letter!" she grinned.

"That's nice dear." her mom looked at Hermione with a coy smile playing on her lips.

"What is it?" Hermione suddenly asked suspiciously, glaring at her mother. "What are you giving me that look for?"

"What look?" Mrs. Granger asked innocently, as she began preparing a pumpkin pie, for desert that night.

"That look right there!" Hermione exclaimed, pointing at her mother.

"Well, I was just thinking.." her mother said slowly, still the coy smile on her lips. "That you are never this excited about Ron's mail."

"What are you getting at?" Hermione narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"All I'm saying is, that they are both your friends are they not?" Hermione nodded. "You seem to think of Harry with more--" she paused, to think. "--importance."

"Because we're good friends mum. Honestly."

"Yes, but I never react this way with my good friends, Mione. Do you think you have.. feelings for this boy?"

Hermione's mouth opened with shock. How could her own mother even suggest such a thing? Sure Hermione had thought of Harry as a --boyfriend, more often the she assumed normal, but it didn't mean anything. So she never thought of Ron in that way. It didn't mean anything. She was just going through a faze that was lasting a while that's all. She just liked hearing from him, waited for his reaction anxiously, worried about what he thought of her constantly, felt a fluttery feeling in her stomach whenever she thought of him.. that's all.

Hermione's brow furrowed. Wait.

This wasn't normal. The thought struck her.

She loved Harry.. she had a crush on her best friend.

Oh lord.

Mum was right.. Hermione hated when she was right.

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Hermione glanced at Harry, studying his features carefully.

She loved every inch of him. His green eyes that sparkled when he laughed, his eyelashes, long and beautiful... his skin so soft and pale. He had gorgeous lips... full, and soft, and pink..

And his hair. How she urged to run her hands through it...

What was wrong with her? She blushed furiously and looked away.

This was Harry not some-boy she didn't even know!

"Hermione." his deep voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Hmm?" she looked up suddenly, to see him watching her.

"You alright?" he asked. "You're kind of jumpy today? Any special reason?"

"Y-uh no. I'm just a bit nervous about school that's all."

He gave her a strange look, and Hermione mentally kicked herself.

Nervous about school?? That wasn't her at all! He would definitely suspect something.

Just then a knock sounded at the door.

"Come in." called Harry, before Hermione had a chance.

"Hey guys!" Ron grinned as he waltzed through the door.

"you guys okay?" he asked.

Harry forced a smile, and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. How are you?"

"Fine." Ron studied Hermione, who hadn't answered.

"How bout you Hermione? What's with the long face?"

"Nothing." Hermione snapped suddenly. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Would you two stop asking so many questions, it's annoying."

"Oh." Ron said, shooting Hermione a strange look. He sat by Harry. "Sorry." he looked sideways at Harry and they exchanged worried looks.

Hermione sighed heavily, trying to ignore their stares, and snuggled against the window, hiding her face from the two boys.

There is no such thing as love, Hermione. she told herself. Just forget about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hopefully that didn't suck!! Please let me know what you think.. but be nice!

Thanks a lot! *hugs* ~*Amanda

2. Beautiful Horizon

Love's Emotions-- by sunshinebelle

Chapter Two: Beautiful Horizon

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AN: Thank you all so much for the warm and sweet replies. I completely totally appreciate it! It was crazy! I posted it around 9, and came back at 11 expecting to have like one review but I had 9! And this morning I expected to have like 11, and I had like 20!!!!!! You have no idea how nice it is. Thanks so much. Im not exactly sure whether im going to make this story extremely long or not.. I would by the amount of reviews I have, but I dont know how long of a life this story has. I suppose we'll see, right? Anyways, keep reviewing. Thanks again for the kind words.

Love ya guys! xoxo ~Amanda

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters blahblahblah. You know the drill.

"And I know things can't last forever but there are lessons you'll never learn. Oh just the scent of you makes me hurt, so how's it you that makes me better.. Why can't you hold me and never let go? When you touch me, it is me that you own. Pretty baby, oh the place that you hold in my heart. Would you break it apart again.." --'Pretty Baby' --written and sung by Vanessa Carlton.

Love's Emotions chapter 2: Beautiful Horizon

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Hermione bit her lip carefully as she followed Ron out of the compartment's door, and down the steps into the light. She needn't shield her eyes, for the time was early evening and the sun was starting to set, slowly against the horizon. Everything was softened by the golden-orange sun, and somehow it made Hermione so much more peacful and thoughtful-- if that was even possible.

She felt Harry's presence as he stepped down behind her onto the dirt road.

"Ahem." he cleared his throat. Hermione jumped, and her face flushed scarlett yet again.

"Oh!" she said quickly, stepping out of the way. "Sorry."

"What are you doing?" he asked, his face wearing an expression of sincere concern.

"Just thinking." she said thoughtfully, glancing at the skyline yet again.

"Again?" he asked, shuffling his feet slightly. When she glanced up at him to see his expression, he was smiling, seemingly trying to hold in his laughter.

"What?" she asked. Quickly, his face turned serious again.

"Nothing." Harry shrugged. "Nothing at all." he trudged up ahead to catch up with Ron and clapped his friend on the back.

Hermione stared after him, frozen in thought for a second. Sighing deeply, she awoke from her trance, and slowly followed the boys to a carriage, where they got in, waving at Hermione to follow them. She did, climbing quickly into the carriage with help of Harry's hand.

His warm, soft hand. She shuddered at his touch.

~~~

"Cool sorting ceremony." Ron noted, as his teeth ripped through a piece of chicken he was nibbling at.

"Yeah." Harry agreed with a grin, as he buttered a piece of bread. "It was hillarious when that kid who was sorted into Gryffindor tripped on his robes. Poor kid. I remember how difficult it was to be so akward at that age.. it isn't easy." he smiled sideways at Hermione who shrugged.

"Yeah." continued Ron with his mouth full. "I always look forward to the sorting ceremonies."

Harry glanced over at Hermione, noticing she wasn't saying anything, or eating anything for that matter, picking at her potatoes with a fork, her eyes dull and emotionless.

"What do you think?" he asked her.

"Hmm?" she looked up slowly, making eye contact.

"About the sorting ceremony-- you like it?" he asked her, after exchanging a look with Ron.

"Er.. not really. I've never found them very interesting to tell you the truth." Hermione got up from her bench. "I'm going to bed." she announced.

"What?" Harry asked. "Dumbledore hasn't even made his speach yet. You never miss that."

"Well I'm tired." she glared irritably at Harry. "I'll see you two later. Don't get into any trouble now." she sighed, and walked towards the large oak doors, leading out of the Great hall.

"What's gotten into her?" Ron asked, confusably.

"I've no idea." Harry shook his head. "Something's going on with her.. we have to find out what it is." he said thoughtfully.

~~~

Hermione awoke to the sound of giggling girls. She rubbed her sleepy eyes, and looked across the room to see Pavarti, Lavender, and two other Gryffindor girls named Amber and Sabrina.

They were talking about boys or makeup or something trivial like that. Hermione laid her head back on her soft pillow again, trying with much difficulty to fall back asleep.

She slowly opened one eyelid, watching Lavender giggle over Pavarti's tale of a guy named 'Dan' while spreading on lipgloss. Had these girls ever experienced love before? Real, heartwrenching, insides flipping, butterfly-in-stomach love? Or even a desire of something similar like Hermione? Or had they only experienced simple infatuations? Superficial crushes that lasted for a week before going away.. They only liked someone if he was good looking, or a hero, or popular.. or rich.

All of which they soon got tired of. Each week a new 'future husband'

Since Hermione figured she was turning into one of them, was that the case with Hermione?

Did she only like him because he was good looking? She did imagine his face whenever she dreamt. Or the fact that he was a hero.. no. She had never cared for something so trivial..popular? Harry? He wasn't exactly Mr. Popularity although he did get spoken of quite frequently.. or at least more then he'd like to be. Rich? Yes, she supposed he was rich, but it was never really evident. He didn't go around flashing his money everywhere, did he?

No. She loved.. er, liked Harry because he was sweet, caring, intelligent, thoughtful, brave, helpful, loyal, trustworthy, beautiful.. so beautiful. Such a wonderful person.

A thought came across Hermione's mind.. Pavarti and Lavender had little crushes on Harry.. she had suspected this for a while. It wasn't surprising since he encompassed many of the traits that they 'treasured.'

But did Pavarti and Lavender dream of Harry every night as they fell asleep? Did they feel sick whenever he glanced at them? Did his scent make them hurt? Did they feel like holding him every time they saw him? Did his smile melted their insides?

That's how Hermione felt. Was this some small little crush? How could something that felt so important and emotional.. so heartwrenching and painful be something so small and trivial? It couldn't be.. but could she love Harry? Could he love her? Could they be meant for each other? No.. Hermione didn't believe in fate, true love, or destiny. She believed in people making their own choices..that's what shaped their future. Not fate. But.. when the time came to deciding whether or not to tell Harry about her feelings, would she make the right one?

Lord.. she needed to stop thinking of this.

~~~

Two hours later, and Hermione was still awake. For some reason Harry's head kept swirling around in her brain, driving her insane. Insane with love and thoughtfulness and descisions.. and desire. Oh a great deal of desire. To kiss him.. hold him, run her fingers through his hair..

A glass of water.

Thats what she needed. Hermione decided, and walked slowly down the creaky stairs, willing them silently not to make any sound.

She got to the bottom of the stairs, and slowly creeped towards the water pitcher by the window.

She poured a glass of water, and slowly took a sip.

"Hey." said a voice behind her. She almost spit out her water.

"What?!" she gasped, turning around quickly. His grin was almost menacing. "What are you doing up this late, Harry?" Hermione asked him. "You almost scared me half to death." she placed a hand over her heart, gasping for air.

"Sorry." he laid a hand on her shoulder, and her skin shuddered at his touch. His warmth. Oh how she longed to feel his arms wrapped around her. He smelt.. like something she couldn't quite put her finger on. But it was amazing. He was amazing.

"You okay?" he asked her.

She nodded slowly, getting out of his grasp, and trying to get as far away from him as possible without looking obvious. He followed her, and she ended up sitting on the window seat right by the window. He sat besides her. "So." she said, her voice hoarse. She cleared her throat. "What-- what are you doing here?" she asked.

He smiled that half-grin that drove her insane. "I could ask you the same thing, you know. I couldn't sleep. How about you?"

"Me neither," she shrugged with a sheepish smile.

"That's not surprising." he ran a hand through his hair, causing her shudder involuntarily. "You did go to bed freakishly early."

Hermione nodded. "I was tired." she stated, hopefully he'd back off and not ask too many questions.

"Okay." he said, playing with the fabric of his pants.

She watched him, in awe of how amazing he was..

How idiotic did she sound? Calling him amazing, when he wasn't even doing anything.. yet somehow it felt like he was doing something. Something oddly Harry.. as crazy as that might seem.

He looked up, and noticing Hermione was staring at him, and Hermione quickly looked away, blushing slightly. After a minute or so of silence, she got the nerve to look back at him.

He was still watching her carefully. She caught eye contact with him, and this time she kept it.

His green eyes were penetrating her. They were so beautiful. He was beautiful.

"Hermione." he said softly, smiling at her.

"Hmm?" she asked, still entranced with him.

"Time for bed." he announced getting up. "You going to be okay?" he asked.

She nodded, still in a trance like state.

"Well.. okay. Night then." his voice odly stiff, for some reason Hermione couldn't understand. He walked over to the boy's dormitory, looking one last time at her face, and then dissapearing around the corner. Hermione still sat, in a trance thinking about life, purpose and love.

~~~

Hopefully that was ok.

Anyways let me know what you think, and I'll post more soon! Thanks a lot!

xoxoxox ~Amanda