My Confession

Gwendalynn Shaw

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 18/01/2003
Last Updated: 27/01/2003
Status: completed

Hermione is in love with Harry and has been for years. Harry knows but says that he just wants to be friends. Or does he?

Chapters

1. ~*~Chapter 1~*~

2. ~Chapter 2

3. ~Chapter 3

4. ~Chapter 4

5. ~Chapter 5

6. ~Chapter 6 (Final Chapt.)

1. ~*~Chapter 1~*~

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related indicia belong to J. K. Rowling.

~Chapter 1~

Bloody hell! I am so confused! I thought that you would shun me forever if you found out. Well it just goes to show how stupid the smartest witch in our Graduating class can be.

I still can’t believe the out come of the entire situation. You were so understanding. You told not to worry about it.

Though I still believe that you’re wrong on one count, I am happy with were we are. No more secrets. No more lies. No more hiding it all. It’s just us, you and me. No one else, just us.

You have no idea how wonderful that sounds. Well, I could be wrong. You may know, but if you do you’ve never told me, and, as I remind myself, probably never will.

But I’m not going to let that ruin the immense relief that I have in my heart. You know and you are still speaking to me.

Ron was right, no matter what happened you would always be my friend. I know, now, that he was right. I hope that it will be forever true.

I love you Harry Potter.

Even though you may not love me in the same way, I still and always will love you. And not because you’re The Boy Who Lived, but because you are Harry, just Harry.

I know that who ever is reading this is going to be reading it after my death, and you are probably wondering why in the hell I am going on about my undying love for Harry Potter. Well, I’ll tell you.

2. ~Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related indicia belong to J. K. Rowling.

~Chapter 2~

It all started in fourth year. That is when I started loving Harry. Of course, I had known him since first year, but not until I saw that look in his eyes at the Yule Ball, which I had attended with Viktor Krum, world-famous Quidditch star. I can’t describe the look that you gave me, Harry. It was like hurt, confusion, anger, pity, regret, and loneliness all in one.

We were back in he Common Room that night and Ron was screaming at me. You walked in and I took one look at you and left. Leaving Ron and I am sure yourself dumbfounded.

Or rather bewildered would be a better word in this case.

I ran to my dormitories. I was so scared. I didn’t know what I was feeling. I had no idea why I felt that way. It had never happened before. I cried and cried, that is until Parvati and Lavender came up.

They asked me what was wrong. Why I was crying and why Ron was fuming and you Harry, were sitting in the Common Room with your head in your hands.

I told them what I felt. Everything that had happened, I had gone through that night.

Everything!

At the close they were both screaming and jumping up and down. I am still surprised that McGonagall didn’t pay us a little visit that night.

They were screaming, ‘Oh, My God! ‘Mione, you’re in LOVE with HARRY!!!!’

I sat there, on my four-poster, staring at nothing and examined my feelings. And you know what? They were right. I was in love with you; I had fallen hard and fast. Maybe too much so.

Ever since that day I tried to deny it all. Then you would look at me or come and talk to me when everyone else was off doing his or her own thing. You would wipe away all of my depression. It was all gone, every bit of it, just gone into thin air.

That’s when people began to suspect. Ginny cornered me one day and asked me about it. I tried to deny it, but she saw right through that. So, I told her, everything. I still can’t believe I did that but, well, it’s all in the past.

After that others came to me asking if it was true, and after a while I got sick of denying it and just told them all.

3. ~Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related indicia belong to J. K. Rowling.

~Chapter 3~

Not too long after I stopped denying things Dean and Seamus found out and decided to tell you. I nearly died. I thought for sure that after that I would get the cold shoulder, but you just shrugged it off.

That summer I moved to Surrey with my mum and dad. I moved into, how ironic, Number 6 Privet Drive.

Depressed and lonely I went out in to the back yard the day after we moved in, that’s when I met Dudley. God, what a COW!

He sauntered over to the fence and told me that I was pretty and asked if I would go out with him.

I hate being cornered like that. I hate to hurt people’s feelings, and if you hadn’t come out the back door, I probably would have said yes. But, you did come out, and I thank God everyday for that.

We spent a lot of time together that summer. Until you went to Ron’s for the last two weeks that is. I didn’t go.

We became so close. Holding hands, whispering secrets to each other, and other things. Thought I never got my hopes up too much. And for a good cause too.

At Ron’s you learned of his crush for me. You argued that we (Ron and myself) could never work out because of our rather different views on love and such.

You were right. We would have fought too much and I couldn’t bear to loose one of my best friends. You especially, as I had a fear that you would leave with Ron if we ever ‘broke-up.’

Will you ever leave me?

I suppose I’ll never know. I’m sure you don’t want to know what I have planned for myself. I know that if you knew then you’d try to stop me, and I couldn’t take that.

Harry, just remember the time that we fought over Cho and ended up in that embrace. Remember me crying in mirth, just remember, please.

Remember our trips to Hogsmeade through the secret passages; remember Sirius and how we saved him. Remember me, the girl that you grew ever closer to those last years of school.

4. ~Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related indicia belong to J. K. Rowling.

~Chapter 4~

It all came out one day. Lavender had been reading my diary, which had a full account of our summer together, two years previously.

She found it all quite amusing, I�m sure. I walked in as she was trying to stash it away again, but it was too late, I had seen.

I burst into tears and ran, I still can�t quite remember how I ended up in the kitchens but that is where I ran.

Dobby, being the good soul that he is, saw me and offered me a cup of tea and a couple of scones. He adamantly refused to take �No� as an answer.

I ate and cried and then ate and cried some more. Dobby and Winky just stood by and kept the tea coming. By the end of the hour I was so tired I had to be guided back to the Gryffindor Common Room, where I was met with many a strange glare. Winky took me up to my dormitories and set me to bed.

I slept soundly that night, not remembering a snatch of what had happened.

I slept really well, to the point of almost being late for Transfiguration. I still remember the look on McGonagall�s face as I rushed in right before the bell.

I sat in all of my classes that day, silent. The only noise heard from me was the scratching of my quill on my parchment as I took notes. I didn�t even raise my hand, strange for the Head Girl.

I couldn�t look at you nor could I be near you. I knew you knew. I prayed that you weren�t mad and I still couldn�t bring myself to talk to you. God, I�m such a coward, at times I wonder that the Sorting Hat put me in Gryffindor.

That night, or shall I say the next morning, as it was around 2 am, I went down to the Common Room. I had to be alone. The only thing was that I wasn�t alone. You sat there and let me come down and sob on the wingback. I was a while before you said anything, and when you did, it gave me such a fright.

You told me that you knew, that you had know, that it had been your fault. That if it hadn�t been for that summer, and the one�s there after, that this would never have happened. But, you weren�t upset about it at all. Almost as if you didn�t care either way, that I was a friend, your best at that, after what had happened with Ron, and if I loved you in more ways than one then you could accept that, though you may not return the feelings.

I was thankful for that. Thankful for everything.

You knew and I still had my best friend. I still couldn�t ignore that twinge of sadness though, that you couldn�t love me.

I will never know if it was the fact that you didn�t want to put me in peril with Voldemort or if you really didn�t Love me. The question haunts me.

I wanted to write all of this down to show you exactly how I felt, the way I loved you, the way I will always love you. It is all for you, Harry, only you.

I know that whoever finds this will think me quite mad, and they will be correct, as I am madly in love. I feel pity for whomever finds me.

I forgive Lavender for her prying; I forgive everyone who has trespassed against me. I forgive, though I shall never be forgiven.

God help me, I do not think I can go on any longer.

Harry if you read this, this is for you:

The world is spinning

It all goes so fast

The thrill of winning

Never to last

I keep on wondering

When it all will stop

5. ~Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related indicia belong to J. K. Rowling.

~Chapter 5~

Hermione sat on her bed. She had just finished reading what she had read; the tears that had sprung to her eyes were stinging with regret.

“Some Gryffindor I turned out to be,” she mumbled to herself, wiping the tears with a tissue.

‘This is it’ she thought, ‘no turning back now.’

With a sigh she walked to the window of the flat that she was living in. Just as she was about to open the window, the telephone rang.

Striding over to it she picked up the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Hermione?” a man’s voice asked.

“Yes, who is this?”

“It’s Harry! ‘Mione, it’s wonderful to hear your voice again.”

Hermione sniffed back the tears that were once again threatening. “Harry, I have to go.”

“Wait, ‘Mione, can we meet somewhere? For old times sake?”

“No Harry. It’s too late. I have to go.” She went to hang up the receiver. “I love you,” she added, and hung the telephone up.

Sighing, she cast a glance at the diary. The diary, the thing that held her last confession, her deepest secrets.

Hermione walked back over to the window, and threw it open, taking a deep breath she stepped out onto the ledge.

With one last glance at the Harvest Moon, and a deep breath she closed her eyes and stepped off…

Harry knew that something was wrong. Hermione had never acted like that towards him, or anyone for that matter.

And what was the deal with the ‘I love you’ and then a hang up.

Something was definitely wrong. It scared Harry to think what she was going to do.

Harry looked up at the Harvest Moon from where he was standing, at the pay phone outside of Hermione’s building.

‘Fine, if she won’t talk to me on the telephone, then I’ll have to face her face to face’ Harry thought.

Just as Harry was about to tear his gaze from the skies he saw a figure stepping onto a ledge.

As Harry looked harder he realized that it wasn’t just a figure, but his best friend, his ‘Mione.

Her gaze was fixed on the very moon that Harry had just been looking to.

Harry watched her as she tore her gaze away from the entrancing skies, her face tear streaked.

Then, she stepped off.

Harry panicked. Quickly summoning his broom he rushed to the falling Hermione. He caught her just before she hit the ground.

She was unconscious and her lip was bleeding where she had bit through it to stop the screams. Her face was tangled into an unreadable expression.

Harry sped off, Hermione in his arms, to St. Mungo’s.

Hermione awoke the next morning, not knowing where she was.

‘Is this heaven?’

Her ears tuned in and she could hear the soft ‘beep, beep’ of a vitals machine in a hospital.

Her eyes focused in and she saw Harry, the diary in his hands, asleep on the chair. He donned a deep look of worry.

She was tired and fell back into a deep slumber, hardly believing that Harry had saved her, again.

6. ~Chapter 6 (Final Chapt.)

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related indicia belong to J. K. Rowling.

~Chapter 6~

Hermione’s eyes fluttered open once again, but this time to see the entrancing green of Harry’s staring, worried, into hers.

Harry looked as though he was about to cry. The skin under the brilliant orbs was beginning to puff ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry Harry,” Hermione whispered, Harry still heard though.

“’Mione, what were you thinking? You almost died and-”

Harry had broken down; the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. He brought his hands up to his eyes to dry them.

Typical male, never show emotion, yet at least Harry had shown some remorse for what had almost happened.

“’Mione, promise me that you’ll never do anything like that again. Promise me, please,” Harry pleaded.

“I promise, I’m so sorry that you had to witness it. I never thought…”

“Can I ask you about something?”

Hermione nodded her head; she was fighting back the urge to cry, though it seemed to be a loosing battle, for, as she feared Harry brought out the little diary, which was surely the breaking point.

Hermione let loose body racking sobs.

Harry stood and enveloped her into a hug, a rather large one at that. Soon, something about being in Harry’s arms calmed her; she quit crying and looked up to Harry with bloodshot eyes.

“’Mione, can I read this?” Harry asked once again holding up the little diary.

“It may help to explain…” Hermione’s voice trailed off.

“You get some more rest, now go to sleep. No more worries. No more pain, just sleep.”

Hermione willingly followed his orders and allowed the soft ‘beep, beep’ of the vitals monitor lull her to sleep once again.

Harry sat reading the diary. He read it very carefully.

By the time he was finished tears once again were flowing from the emeralds that were his entrancing eyes.

“Oh, ‘Mione, I had no idea. Absolutely NO idea that you felt this strongly.” Harry whispered to Hermione’s sleeping form.

Harry picked up the book and began to write.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

To all who read this, I saved Hermione before she committed suicide. I am Harry Potter, the one that she loves.

She may think that it is a one sided story. Little does she know what pains I harbour.

I Love Her. I’ve loved her for the longest time. I can barely remember a time when I didn’t.

Opposed to contrary belief, I did not, and do not, love her as a sister, but I am truly IN LOVE with her.

I, being your typical male, was too scared to admit it to her when she told me, for fear that she would leave me someday, or worse, I would be forced to leave her. Yes, that is right, I, unlike other men, looked to the future.

Ironic I know. What would Sybill Trelawney say now? Probably ‘I knew it! I could see it in my Inner Eye.’ It truly isn’t the crock that Hermione thinks it is.

Fear not, you who reads, for Hermione will no longer be alone. I will be here for her. I have a tiny diamond encrusted ring in my pocket, which I plan to place on her finger as soon as she wakes.

All that matters now is that I love her and she loves me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry put the pen down and read over what he had written. ‘Yes, that’s about right’ he thought.

Shortly thereafter Hermione’s eyes fluttered open and cinnamon met emerald. Hermione heard a whispered “Will you marry me?” as a diamond ring passed before her gaze.

“Yes,” she choked out. Harry’s lips met hers and the rest is a love story.

(*A/N*: Okay, this ff is finished. If you want more tell me and I’ll consider writing it. Well, I hope you enjoyed it and…well, I guess, ‘good-bye’ faithful reader.)