The Sacrifice

Faeries Masquerade

Rating: NC17
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 30/01/2004
Last Updated: 04/08/2004
Status: completed

Sirius watches as Lily and James fall in love, are torn apart, and are brought back together again in their final year at Hogwarts. The year also bring drama to the life of Remus Lupin, who finds love with the most unlikely person imaginable as the world falls apart around them with the beginning of the first war against Voldemort. Now rated NC-17 for darkness, violence, etc.

Chapters

1. Destruction and Innocence

2. Chapter 2

3. First Kisses

4. Confrontations, Part One

5. Confrontations, Part Two

6. Autumn, Spike, and Remus

7. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

8. Thickening Plans, Big Mistakes

9. Azkaban Interlude

10. Looking for Sirius

11. Caught

12. Telling James

13. 3 Weeks Later

14. A Note From The Author

15. Lucius

16. The News is Spread

17. Calista and the Slytherins

18. Red Eyed Rats

19. First Night

20. Blood Tryst

21. Sara Brown

22. The First Sacrifice

23. The Darkness of Anger

24. Attack in the Night

25. Rescue and Reunion

26. Dreams and Another Azkaban Interlude

27. Deals with the Devil

28. Chess Wars

29. Snowball Soldiers

30. One Week Later

31. January Walks...

32. As You Wish

33. A Visit of the Worst (or the Horror of Monday)

34. Azkaban Interlude/Nightmare Proposals

35. Truth and Tears

36. Dark Marks

37. The Sacrifice

38. The End of All Things

1. Destruction and Innocence

The Sacrifice

Chapter 1: Destruction and innocence

Parts of the house were on fire and there was smoke everywhere. The house itself was creaking and groaning, as if it might collapse around him at any moment. He was kneeling on bits and pieces of glass that had come from the shattered windows and they were making his knees bleed... but Sirius didn't notice any of it. He didn't see the destroyed furniture in his best friend's living room, or notice that the only light came from the flames in the kitchen. He noticed nothing but the face of his best friend as he held James in his arms...his face...lifeless, cold, and gray, his eyes wide and terrified.

Sirius held James in his arms and sobbed as though his heart would break with grief. How could I let this happen? It was my idea to switch, it was mine. I talked them into this and now....now.... He held the dead James to his chest and cried even harder, unable to stop the flow of tears and the crushing wave of guilt that threatened to consume him entirely.
I'll kill him for this...that stupid, weak, slimy RAT.....oh god, James...poor James, poor Lily.............Lily
Sirius' eyes opened as his mind finally registered what was happening around him: his surroundings, and the sound of a screaming from upstairs, a baby...
"LILY!" Sirius screamed at the top of his lungs. He let James fall to the floor as he stood and fled for the stairs. She's hiding with Harry...he didn't find her, he thought as he ran. But he knew...even as he ran flat out towards the source of baby Harry's cries, he knew in his heart of hearts she was gone.
Sirius stopped in the doorway and stared in shock at what lay before him: Lily, dead on the floor next to the bed, beside her, sweet baby Harry with an ugly, dark red wound on his forehead crying and crying, and there on the wall...a dark shadow lingered, a shadow Sirius didn't see for he couldn't take his eyes off of Lily. His beloved Lily.
Sirius slowly walked into the room and knelt beside her. He gently closed her eyes and kissed her soft lips. She was cold already. "Goodbye, love," he whispered softly. He didn't know if her spirit was still near enough to hear him. He wasn't sure if he even believed in any of that himself. But he had to tell her goodbye. They had been so close to being...if only there was no James, they might have stood a chance......
A small cough stirred Sirius from his painful thoughts. He turned away from Lilly and looked in mild surprise at the figure standing in the doorway.
Hagrid had arrived.

-------------FLASHBACK - 7th Year------------
Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat in the stands watching Gryffindor squash Slytherin in their latest Quidditch match. After a while, Remus noticed his friend's attention definitely wasn't on watching James. He followed Sirius' gaze down to the front of the stands. In the middle of a group of giggling girls was a very familiar head of red hair...

"Padfoot."
Nothing.
"Padfoot!" A bit louder.
Still no response.
Remus grinned at Peter, who caught the drift instantly. They each leaned over and screamed at the top of their lungs:

"SIRIUS!" "AURGH!" Sirius attracted the attention of their entire section by shrieking like a girl and falling backwards off the bench. Remus and Peter howled with laughter at Sirius red face.
"And what," he sputtered as he stood up," was the point of that? "
"Just making sure your head is in the game and not thinking up some new form of torture for Evans. You really should be nicer to her." Remus could hardly stop laughing long enough to give his answer.
" Just attempting to figure out what Prongs sees in her that's all."
"Make an effort will you? It's important to James." Remus wasn't laughing now.
"THEY AREN'T EVEN DATING! She can't stand either one of us! She'll never look at him, so why does he waist his time on that little-"
"Oi! Calm down, Padfoot, you're making a scene!"
Sirius sat down with a huff, trying to control his temper. "She's an annoying little-"
"Drop it, will you?" Peter didn't like arguments; he was anxiously biting his fingernails and watching them. "Or a teacher might come over."
"Is that the worst that can happen, d'you think,” Sirius asked scornfully. "Lighten up, Wormtail."
"She's not so bad," Remus said quietly.
"Yes, she is!" Sirius was adamant. "She definitely is" So why do I see her face in my mind every night?

---------------------------

Lily sat with her friends and tried to ignore the scene behind her. She couldn't understand what was being said, but she had a nagging feeling it was the infamous Marauders once again. Probably Black doing his look-at-me-I'm-just-so-special routine he and Potter are famous for. Why don't they just GROW UP?! Yet for some reason, she couldn't take her eyes off of James Potter. He looked so handsome on his broomstick, so confident. NO! she thought to herself. I will not waist any more brain power on him or I'll have a mental blackout! What's wrong with me?
Lily couldn't understand why seeing his charming, lopsided grin or thinking about his hazel eyes sent chills up and down her spine. The same reaction she got when she heard that familiar, yet annoying bark-like laugh, like right now...
She chanced a glance behind her. Sirius and Peter were laughing at something Remus had apparently said. What is wrong with me?
She rubbed the gooseflesh on her arms, hoping no one would notice.

------HALLOWEEN, 1981, GODRIC'S HOLLOW--------

"Give Harry to me, Hagrid. I'll take him."
"Sorry, Sirius, I've orders straight from Dumbledore himself. He's ter go ter his aunt 'n uncle's house."
"But I'm Harry's godfather, Hagrid!" Sirius couldn't understand why Dumbledore was doing this. Lily and Petunia hadn't spoken in years; there was no relationship there at all. Surely Dumbledore knew this? "This is what Lily and James wanted if something happened. Harry is supposed to go with me. Why on earth would Dumbledore...oh god...."
It had come to him in a flash. They hadn't told Dumbledore about the switch. They hadn't told anyone about the switch. And now Dumbledore thought..........and with the stinking rat vanished to heaven-knows-where......
It was almost too much for Sirius to take in . . . James, Lily, now Harry was being taken from him. His last link to the two people who meant everything to him. Hagrid put a clumsy hand on Sirius' shoulder.
"It'll be a `right mate. Dumbledore knows what he's doin'. An' James an' Lily..." Hagrid found it very hard to continue and made a point of looking at the floor.
" I understand, Hagrid," Sirius said in a hollow sort of voice. He understood all too well. "Take the motorbike."
"What?" Hagrid looked up in surprise. There was no possession greater to Sirius than his motorbike, and everyone knew it.
"Take it to get Harry to his aunt's safely. I won't be needing it anymore." With that, Sirius took one last look at his now quiet and exhausted godson, and walked out of the house. His mind knew only one thing: find Wormtail. He, nor Hagrid, ever saw the shadow glide out of the upstairs window and disappear with a wisp into thin air.

2. Chapter 2

-----------------HOGWARTS, 7TH YEAR-----------
"Please?"
"No."
" Pretty please?"
"No way!"
"Please please please?" He took Lily's hand and stared at her with big puppy dog eyes. " I'll be extra sweet and -"
"James Potter, stop begging." Lily tried her hardest to sound annoyed but she could tell by the gleam in his eyes she hadn't pulled it off. He was just so.......funny and charming and really really adorable! Lily finally melted.
"All right, all right, I'll go," she said while trying to hide her smile. James just stared at her, completely stunned. There was complete silence for a moment or two, then...
"I'm sorry. I seem to be experiencing a brain fart, or possibly a temporary hearing loss. It could just be a really vivid hallucination, but say that again please? In my good ear this time." James was certain he had imagined her response.
" I said I'll go to Hogsmede with you tomorrow. But only to save yourself from public humiliation. This begging in the Great Hall deal you've been doing is killing your cool reputation," Lily grinned. She just couldn't help herself.
"Ok, cool," James said. Lily could tell he was trying to appear nonchalant about the whole thing, like it was no big thing. It didn't work. With a whoop of joy, James suddenly grabbed Lily around the waist and began waltzing around the Great Hall with her, singing all the while: "I've got a date with Lily! Ladeedadeeda..." Laughing, Lily let herself be pulled along, even though she knew all the eyes in the Great Hall were staring. Well, almost.....

**********

A dark pair of eyes glared stonily at the dancing couple. Jealous eyes; eyes that longed to hurt. Potter doesn't deserve Li--Evans he thought. Not that he would ever admit to wanting Lily, mind you. She...wasn't his kind. But he still longed to make James pay for everything, and he would. Nobody could stop him, not Potter, or Lupin, or anyone. They had walked over him for too long. He knew an opportunity when he saw one. He just wasn't sure how to get at them. His beetle black eyes scanned the Great Hall, searching. They settled on a group of people across the hall, laughing at the antics of James and Lily. Everyone except one. Of course he thought, the rat.... It was perfect. Ruining them this way would be the ultimate revenge. Ruining EVANS would be the ultimate revenge...

*********

Sirius strolled into the Gryffindor common room that night and looked around for his fellow Marauders. He didn't see them, but he did see an opportunity he just couldn't pass up. So, he walked over to the couch and plopped down right next to Lily Evans. She kept her nose in her book, determined not to give him any attention.
"So, Evans, how was the dance," he asked.
"Shut up," Lily shot back. She tried to hide the fact that she was blushing, but Sirius had already noticed.
"Awww, c'mon, you can tell your dear friend Sirius," he grinned. "So, do you love him?"
"What?!?!?" She looked up in surprise.
"Oh, please. 7 years my buddy's been after you for a date. So, what made you finally crack? The public wants to know, Evans! Out with it!"
Lily looked at him for a long moment, and then grinned. "Jealous?"
"Huh?" Sirius was confused. How could she possibly know - wait, I am NOT jealous! He thought furiously.
Lily closed her book and put her hand on Sirius' knee. Very seriously she said, "Now, I know you love James, and you wanted things to work out between you, but some things just aren't meant to be! You're just going to have to accept the fact that James has someone prettier than you. It may take some getting used to but in time--"
Her words were cut off as Sirius whacked her playfully with a couch cushion.
"You're a total nerd, Evans, you know that?"
"Oh c'mon Sirius, is that the best you can come up with?"
" You're just asking for trouble Evans! Be careful!"
"Or what? You'll hit me with another cushion? Oh, I'm so afraid...”
They were both laughing hysterically now. It was an interesting sight, Black and Evans having a laugh together. Moony's right, Sirius thought. She isn't so bad....
"Hey, don't mess with me girl. I have a couch cushion and I'm not afraid to use it!" Sirius waved the cushion threateningly at Lily, who doubled over and clutched her sides from laughing. Sirius laughed harder too, which made Lily laugh even more . The two of them fell off the couch laughing at each other.
"Why do I feel like I'm in second grade?" Lily asked.
"I dunno. Why are you acting like you're in second grade," Sirius shot back.
"Bite me," Lily retorted. Before he could think about what he was doing, Sirius leaned in and did exactly that, right on her neck.
Lily stopped laughing and looked at Sirius in shock. Sirius felt himself turning red and looked at the floor. Why, why, WHY did I just do that? OK, Black, just think of something clever to say, quick... "Ummmm....."
Unfortunately, he made the mistake of looking up while he ummmed, and looked right into Lily's green eyes. Losing his train of thought, he let his voice trail off while he looked at Lily.
"Hey, Black, anyone home in there," she asked him softly. Sirius didn't answer her. He just kept looking into her perfect green eyes. His body was reacting to her even though his mind knew James would kill him for this. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it....
His body ignored his mind. Sirius leaned toward Lily. Their faces were inches apart. He leaned even closer and closed his eyes.....

3. First Kisses

Thank you for all the marvelous replies!

Chapter 3 : First Kisses

Sirius leaned toward Lily. There faces were inches apart. He leaned even closer and closed his eyes. Their lips touched, soft at first. When Lily didn't pull away, Sirius kissed her again. She has the softest lips, he thought.
Suddenly, Lily pulled back. Surprised, Sirius opened his eyes and stared at her. "What?"
"That's what I was thinking. What? As in 'what the heck are you doing?!"' Lily stared back at Sirius, waiting for his answer. To his relief, she didn't sound angry, just surprised, although she was doing her best to intimidate him with her stare. What was I thinking?! She just made a date with my best friend! So just look away and think up something clever -oh crap. I just went through this and look what happened. Aaarrrrggg.....
*WHAM* The portal door burst open and James, Remus, and Peter fell into the Gryffindor common room laughing hysterically.
"Hey, guys, what's going on?" Sirius called to his friends. With a quick glance over his shoulder, he saw Lily retake her place on the sofa and knew that their conversation was on hold...for now.
"Oh...my...God... you totally missed it," James cried. Sirius walked over and grabbed James' arm to help him stand. James clung to Sirius and bent over, wiping tears of laughter from his face.
"Missed what," Sirius asked.
"Snivelly!" Peter cried. "It was great, they-"
"SHHHH!!" James said. He got control of himself and looked pointedly at the couch. The Marauders looked over to where Lily was sitting. She'd been joined by her friend Sara and the two were talking in hushed tones.
"I kind of promised Lily I'd leave old Snivellus alone. She thinks it's me showing off when I pick on him," James grinned. "But he started it! I was defending myself......really!" he insisted when the others laughed at him.
"Yeah, right Prongs," Remus said slyly. "Complete self defense when a guy's back is turned."
"He was facing sideways! That's not completely turned!" James said.
Sirius gave a snort of laughter at that. Grinning guiltily, James turned to his best friend. "Yeah, ok, I know, I know... but he called Lily a mudblood," James turned serious and the smile left his face. "Snape's lucky I didn't kill him where he stood."
Insides burning, the Marauders turned to look at Lily and Sara. Sirius couldn't take his eyes off Lily. He watched the light from the fire glow in her hair. He saw her eyes light up with laughter and went weak at the knees when she smiled. Sirius was startled out of his reverie when James spoke to him, quietly, so the others couldn't hear.
"I just don't want anything bad to touch Lily ever again. I'm going to make sure my Lily has the perfect day tomorrow," James said softly.
"It's just one date, Prongs," Sirius replied. His insides were squirming with guilt at the thought of what had happened right before James came in.
"Maybe. But....." James trailed off and a dull flush rose on his cheeks.
"What? Spit it out, Prongs!"
"Padfoot, I think I'm in love with her."
Stunned, Sirius turned to look at his best friend. James was staring at Lily, a happy dream-like expression on his face. "Wild, isn't it?"
For once in his life, Sirius had nothing to say.

**********

Her mind reeling, Lily jumped back onto the sofa as James, Remus, and Peter made their grand entrance into the Gryffindor common room. She searched for her book, but it had gotten lost during the pillow fight with Sirius. OK, first he bites me on the neck, then he KISSES me! Did I miss something here?
Lily was suddenly brought back to earth by the arrival of her best friend. Sara Brown had been Lily's best friend since they met in Charms their first year. Sara's long brown hair had been colored with funky red & blonde streaks, she played Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and was almost as much of a mischief maker as the infamous Marauders.
"OK, is he not just the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Sara sighed. Lily didn't even have to ask: Sara had been head over heels for Sirius for years.
"If you go for that sort of thing. I've seen cuter," Lily replied vaguely.
"So I've noticed! Along with the rest of the school," Sara snickered. "About time you admitted you have a thing for Potter. I thought you'd never come around!"
"Oh my god," Lily muttered,” it's really more like a pity date. Let it go already, will you?"
Sara knew better. "Really? Really, Lily?" her voice disbelieving.
Lily felt her cheeks burning. "OK, maybe he's grown up a bit. So, he's not playing with the Snitch in the hallways anymore, and he's definitely not the show off he used to be......and his hair really does look good all rumpled up like that.........."
Sara leaned in to hear more. "And? AND?!"
"And...." Lily smiled,"......he really is good looking....especially when he's flying....or smiling...or walking...or sitting down......"
"HA! I knew it! You are smitten!" Sara crowed in triumph.
"Shhh! They'll hear you! And I am not smitten! I'm just saying--"
"Oh please Lily. I know better. Here I'm gonna ask you a question and the first thing that comes into your mind, say it. OK? Now - what color are James' eyes?"
"Hazel." Lily had them memorized, but she'd never admit it.
"Any dimples to go with that smile?"
"Yeah, on his left cheek."
"Who'll be best man at your wedding?"
"Knowing my luck, Sirius, Remus, AND Peter!"
"And the names of your future children?" Sara was laughing now.
"Rowan for a girl, Harry if it's a boy."
"HA! HA! You're already naming the children and you haven't even gone on your first date! See, you are smitten."
Lily's face blended perfectly with her bright red hair. "Am not!"
"Are too!"
"I am not, Sara!"
"Lily, you are soooooo the smitten kitten!"
"Am no-.... I'm a lost cause aren't I?" Lily surrendered sheepishly. She and Sara looked over to where the four boys stood in the middle of the room. Lily prayed no one had heard her and Sara talking. She'd already been waltzed around the Great Hall and kissed by her date's best friend----no, don't think about that she told herself firmly.
"He was facing sideways! That's not completely turned!" James suddenly burst out. The other three boys laughed hysterically, but Lily and Sara just exchanged confused looks.
"OK," Sara said, "James may not be a show off anymore, but he's still really weird."
"This to the girl who was literally dancing with him in the middle of dinner! Hey, we all have our flaws," Lily laughed.
"Shut up! You love it." Sara had her eyes on Sirius again. Lily followed her friends gaze. He really is cute, especially when he laughs, she thought. Wait ---- this is Sirius Black we're thinking about here. My personal tormentor for 7 years! OK, James was my tormentor too, but while Sirius was kind of mean, James was...well ok Lil, admit it, James was kind of cute. So then why in the name of MERLIN did Sirius kiss me?!?!?!
"Oh, Lil? Lily? Dear little Lilypoo?" Sara was waving her hands in front of Lily's face. Lily hoped she hadn't been staring too long. Lucky for her, Sara could be a bit oblivious sometimes. "James already has you mesmerized. That didn't take too long, now, did it? Well, I shouldn't be surprised...." Sara let her voice trail off. She had a huge grin on her face.
"What?" Lily was suddenly suspicious. Sara's grin was usually an omen; she was quite the prankster and Lily sometimes ended up as the trial dummy.
"Oh, I just never thought you'd be the kind of girl to snog a guy before the first date! That's usually me." Sara's wicked grin widened at Lily's look.
"I'm not!" Lily protested. "What on earth makes you think that?!"
"The hickey on your neck."
"WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!" Lily jumped up in indignation. "Sara, are you sniffing doxy droppings or something? Because you've obviously lost your mind!"
"Right here, Lil'." Sara reached out and touched Lily's neck where the small purple mark had appeared. Lily put her hand over Sara's fingers..... Right where Sirius had bitten her on the neck. Oh...... my..... God.... I'll KILL him!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thinking frantically, Lily stuttered," Uh--uh---ok! I'm tired now. See? YAWN! All right then, g'night!" And without another word, Lily ran up the stairs to her dormitory, leaving a very amused Sara in the common room.
Ohmigod, THINK Evans! Think! You can' tell Sara because Sara will kill you. You can't tell James because it'll break his heart. What to do now? Oh, I can't believe he bit me hard enough to leave a mark. He's a dead man when I see him again. Lily tossed and turned in her bed all night.

************

They were standing very close together in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room. He couldn't take his eyes off her face. Sirius reached out and brushed Lily's gorgeous red hair out of her eyes, then leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back, softly at first, then with more and more passion. He folded Lily into his arms and she put her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair.
Still kissing, he led Lily away from the fire, and they sank onto the sofa together. Sirius gently pulled on her lower lip, then trailed kisses down her neck. He reveled in the taste of her soft skin. He slid his hands down her back and gently lifted her shirt enough to feel her bare skin. His entire body tingled as she moaned and softly whispered his name in his ear. Sirius leaned back as Lily nibbled gently on his ear. Her tender fingers were slowly unbuttoning his shirt as she left a trail of kisses down the center of his body-

Sirius awoke with a start, his entire body drenched in sweat. "What the hell?" he muttered.

4. Confrontations, Part One

A/N: I love all the replies so far! Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone, I really do appreciate it. I know the beginning starts a bit slow, but things pick up very quickly soon. Trust me. ;)

Chapter Four: Confrontations, Part One

Sirius' head was spinning. Three days ago he hadn't even liked Lily and now he was dreaming about her! Not only that but she was constantly in his head during the waking hours as well.
Sirius pulled himself out of bed and threw on the first robes he found. As it happened, they were the same ones he'd worn yesterday. He silently crept from his dorm and left Gryffindor Tower.
"OK, I'm just going to go for a walk," he said to himself. "Yeah, a walk will clear my head. That's what I need. Just gonna mosey down to the lake and-"
"First sign of madness is talking to yourself."
Sirius spun around to face the intruder behind him. He whipped out his wand and pointed it right into the face of-----

---"MOONY!" Sirius shouted. "Dang, man, I thought you were still sleeping. You scared the daylights out of me!"
Remus doubled over laughing. "I know! Isn't it great?!"
"No it really- ok kinda great," Sirius relented.
"So, why are you up at the crack of dawn," Remus asked.
"No reason. Why are you up?"
"Getting the shack ready. Full moon tonight, remember?" Remus asked.
Sirius hadn't remembered at all. He felt even guiltier than he did before.
"Sorry, Moony old chum. Had a lot on my mind of late."
"Yeah, I figured," Remus said slyly. "So, do we get to meet her soon or what?"
"There is no 'her' doofus. It's other stuff." Sirius didn't quite meet Remus' eye as he said this.
"Whatever," Remus shrugged. “It just seems like the entire world is hooking up. James and Lily, you and the Invisible Woman, if Peter gets a girl before me I'll be so pissed."
Sirius had to laugh. When he wasn't shoving his nose in a book Moony had a very wry sense of humor. He was just about to tell him so when a flash of red light hit Remus in the chest and sent him flying into the wall. He slumped to the floor unconscious as Sirius once again whirled around and pulled out his wand. He stared into the cold, glittering dark eyes of his least favorite person accompanied by 5 others from his house.
"Alone at last."

---GODRIC'S HOLLOW, NOV. 1----
Sirius had checked Peter's hiding spot, but he still wasn't there. He'd checked all their old haunts on the off chance of finding the stinking rat, but no luck. Now, he was just walking thru London, aimlessly yet with determination. His dark eyes scanned the area in front of him, constantly on the alert for Wormtail, all the while unconsciously fingering his wand in his pocket. In his mind, he ran through a thousand different scenarios of what would happen when he finally caught up with Peter. They all involved him, Peter, begging for mercy before dying in horrible pain.
Sirius was not a cruel man under normal circumstances, but the last 24 hours had proved to be anything but normal: James and Lily dead, Peter vanished, Harry taken away to his miserable aunt's house.... Sirius knew his time was quickly running out. He had argued with Lily and James not to tell anyone about switching Peter for himself as their secret keeper, thinking it was the best course of action, and now it had proved to be their undoing. The only reason Dumbledore took Harry away was to keep him safe from his parent's murderer and betrayer - Sirius, they thought. And to think, he himself had secretly accused Remus -
Remus. Oh God, how he wished Remus were with him. Remus would have been an enormous comfort. But Remus was cut off, had been for months, and all because he had listened to Peter. Peter's whisperings that Remus was hiding something, that he may not be loyal anymore, that he may have turned---and Peter had only whispered to Sirius. The burden of all this fell onto Sirius but he was more than willing to share... He wouldn't kill Peter until after he'd confessed to Dumbledore, but oh when the time came he would enjoy killing the slime. Wormtail would curse the day he'd called himself their friend.
His eyes focused on a person standing a few yards ahead of him. How utterly convenient, he thought. And just when I was beginning to lose focus... A surge of hatred and revulsion rose in him. Eyes narrowed, he pulled out his wand and pointed it. Suddenly, the man in front of him turned to face him. The man raised his wand in his quivering hand and he pointed it at Sirius. His small, watery eyes gazed at Sirius with emotions Sirius didn't know or care to figure out, the at Sirius' wand, which was much steadier than his own. Sirius wanted to rail and scream and vomit and cry all at once. Instead, in a calm, quiet voice that belied the agony inside him, he spoke to his old friend and greatest enemy.
"Hello, Wormtail."

5. Confrontations, Part Two

Chapter Five: Confrontations, Part Two

"Alone at last." Six wands were pointing straight at Sirius' face and the speaker was none other than Severus Snape, Sirius' least favorite person outside his family. Standing beside Snape was Lucius Malfoy, Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange, Calista Serene, and Sirius' cousin, Bellatrix Black.
"Awww, Snivelly, I knew you liked me but if you wanted to be alone, you should've just asked me, snookums!" Sirius smirked at Snape, whose face began to burn with anger. That was just fine. Sirius Black never backed down from a good fight.
"Werewolves and blood-traitors and Mudbloods," Bellatrix sneered. "You're a disgrace to the house of Black with these freaks you hang around with!"
"Good," Sirius said seriously. "I'd rather be a freak than a bitch like you."
Bellatrix hissed as though she'd been slapped. Rodolphus and Rabastan stepped forward, but were held back by Lucius.
"Wait for it," he said in his cold drawling voice. "We don't want to attract too much unwanted attention, do we?" his eyes scanned the hall, looking, Sirius knew, for teachers or other students.
"Too chicken to take me in front of other people?" Sirius asked. "Or are you only good when you have backup to face one person?"
"Big talk," Snape snarled. "Let's see if your wand is a quick as your mouth." And with that, Snape shot a blast of blue light at Sirius. Sirius dove to his right at shot several purple jets of light at once, hitting Snape, Malfoy, and Rabastan Lestrange. Bella jumped forward and shot a Stinging Hex that caught Sirius in his arm. He was forced back a few steps by the impact of the spell, but was still able to hit his cousin with a Full Body Bind spell. Bella froze light a statue and crashed to the floor. With a roar of fury, Rodolphus leapt over her and sent a stunner straight into Sirius' chest, sending him sprawling against the wall. Sirius slumped to the floor next to Moony, and despite his best efforts, fell into unconsciousness.

********************

Lily turned this way and that in front of the full length mirror in her dormitory. Today was her date with James and she wanted to look good for the occasion, but not like she had spent hours in front of the mirror (which she had). She had on her favorite boots, a pair of dark blue jeans and an emerald green turtleneck sweater that matched her eyes. And covered up Sirius' accidental hickey quite nicely. Finally satisfied with her appearance, Lily walked down the stairs and into the common room.
"Lily!" James shouted across the room. Lily smiled as he sprinted towards her.
"Hi", she said when he reached her. Before she could say anything else, James spoke in a harried tone of voice.
"Listen, something's come up. No one knows the details but Remus and Sirius are in the hospital wing unconscious."
"Oh my God," Lily said horrified. She put her hand on James' arm. She felt warmth where her skin met James. Trying to ignore it, she concentrated on his face and asked, "What can I do?"
"Nothing," he replied. "I'm going to stay with them until they wake up. So... I have to cancel our date. I'm sorry, Lily." He finished speaking in a quiet voice and looked away from her, but she knew he was firm in his decision. His friends came first.
Lily's heart practically melted. She put her hand under his chin and lifted his face until he met her eyes. "James, we can have our date anytime. What's important now is to make sure our friends are all right. So, if you're going to sit with them, then that's where I'll be too."
James stared at her for a long moment, the leaned in and kissed her gently. It was wonderful, soft and sweet. Lily sighed against his mouth and returned his kiss with more pressure. She felt James' arms circle her waist and pull her against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth slightly, inviting him in. His tongue massaged hers in a lazy rhythm, and then pulled away as he sucked gently on her lower lip.
It was Sara's whoops and hollers of joy that pulled them apart. Lily rested her forehead against James' and looked happily into his eyes for a moment. Suddenly, they remembered where they were and what was happening with Remus and Sirius. Without a word, James took her hand and led her from the common room, leaving Sara alone to do the happy spaz dance around the common room. Sara did love being right!

6. Autumn, Spike, and Remus

Chapter 6: Autumn, Spike, and Peter

They were about halfway to the hospital wing when they ran into two of their fellow Gryffindor, Autumn and her twin brother Spike.
"Hey you two, where've you been?" Autumn asked. "It's crazy, did you hear about Remus and-"
"Yeah we heard," James said shortly. "We're on our way to the hospital wing now. Can you do me a humongous favor and find Peter for me? He should be there too."
"No worries," Autumn said. "We can find anyone."
"Hey, you two are the best source of news around here," Lily said. "You hear everything before anyone else."
Spike grinned. "What can I say? It's a gift." He winked at his sister, who grinned back.
"Well, any clues as to what happened to them?" Lily asked.
The twins exchanged glances before answering. "Well,'' Autumn said slowly, "nobody is entirely sure. We know they were Stunned-"
"We overheard Madam Pomfrey talking to Dumbledore" Spike cut in.
"- and I have a pretty good guess as to who did it."
"Yeah, since your buddies aren't the only ones in the hospital wing," Spike grinned. "Seems they knocked out a couple of their assailants before they went down. Wished I hadn't missed the fun."
"Slytherins?" James asked.
"Need you ask? C'mon man you're supposed to be smart!"
James glared at Spike, and then shrugged it off. "Who says you missed all the fun? We're going to go stay with them, so I can't do anything right now. If you should just happen to come across the people responsible for this..."
Spike's normally blue eyes turned green with the promise of a good challenge. "Say no more, my man. We got you on this." he looked to his sister, who was smiling a very mischievous grin.
"Five galleons say we find them before lunch," Autumn challenged.
"You're on." The twins whipped their wands out, nodded to James and Lily, and went to find Peter and wreak mayhem on a couple Slytherins.
"Are you sure that was a good idea?" Lily asked James as they resumed their quick pace to the hospital wing.
"Trust me," James said. "If I can trust anyone to handle this, it's those two. They know as much about this castle as I do. And you don't duel with Spike and Autumn unless you fancy a month in St. Mungos. They're practically guaranteed to be Aurors after school!"
"I want to be an Auror too!" said a squeaky voice behind them. Lily and James whirled around and came face to face with Peter Pettigrew.
"Peter! Did the twins find you already?" Lily asked.
"No. Were they supposed to?" Peter looked fearfully at James, wringing his hands, as though he was supposed to be found somewhere and now had to deal with the wrath of James. Lily felt a sure of impatience run through her. Peter always seemed as though he was on the verge of tears or a nervous breakdown.
"Never mind," James cut in. He was just as impatient as Lily. "Did you hear about Moony and Padfoot?" Lily looked to James questioningly, having never heard their nicknames before, but James shook his head at her. Not now, the look in his eyes said.
"Yeah I did,'' Peter squeaked.
"Well, c'mon, Lil' and I are sitting with them until they wake up." James said.
"But it's almost time to eat..." Peter trailed off at the look in James' eyes.
"Mother of god, Wormtail, two of your best friends are in the hospital wing!!" James roared. "They'd be there in a flash if it were you, why can't you do the same for them? Do you care about anything at all except yourself?"

-----LONDON, NOV. 1--------

"Lily and James! Lily and James, Sirius, how could you?!" Peter screamed for the whole street to hear. Tears streaming down his pudgy little face, his wand was held in his shaking hand and he aimed it at the furious face of Sirius Black.
"I never realized what a spectacular actor you are, Wormtail," Sirius said. His voice was soft, dangerous. "But then you must be. How long have you been pulling this off?"
''MURDERER!!" Peter shrieked. The crowd of onlookers whispered something about fetching the police, but Sirius didn't care.
"I AM NO SUCH THING!" Sirius shouted. He advanced few steps on Peter, who shrank back from the towering figure. "What did he offer you," Sirius hissed quickly, ''power? Fame? All the usual things he's offered a hundred others? What do they have, Peter? Death sentences. A future of Azkaban. Nothing. This is why you betrayed everyone?"
"No" Peter whispered. He was wringing his hands in his usual fashion. Sirius saw something silver glint from between Peter's hands but wasted no thought on it.
"What then? I want to know the reason before I ruin your life."
"Your life is ruined Sirius," Peter uttered suddenly. "Mine is starting over again and I'll still get almost everything I was promised."
"Almost?" Sirius was curious in spite of himself. "What was the one thing you were promised that you won't get?"
Peter sucked in his breath in a harsh gasp and clutched his hands tightly. Blood began to seep from between his fingers. He raised his eyes to Sirius and grinned the most un-Peter like grin Sirius had ever seen. Wormtail's face was full of hatred and malice, not a shred of regret or anything resembling the old Peter Pettigrew he'd spent half his life being friends with.
"You really want to know," Wormtail whispered cruelly. Wormtail stood on his feet, held his wand in his left hand. His right hand was leaving drops of blood on the street. Wormtail tossed what he was holding in his hand to Sirius, who caught it against his chest and looked at it.
Peter's finger.
Bile rose in Sirius' throat. With a cry of revulsion, he tossed Wormtail's severed finger from him and looked with horror into the cold eyes of his former friend.
Wormtail smiled grimly as he smiled at Sirius, who still had his wand aimed at his face.
"Peter," Sirius whispered.
"Peter is dead," Wormtail muttered. He slowly lowered his own wand until it was pointing at the street right in front of him. "And that thing I wanted?"
Sirius unconsciously stepped forward, for Wormtail was speaking so quietly now he could hardly be heard.
Wormtail looked straight into Sirius' eyes and said the last thing he would say to Sirius for (unknown to them both) thirteen years.
"It was Lily."
And with that, the whole street exploded.

7. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

A/N: I suck at chapter names. Just go with it!

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! Michie, as the story is already finished and the sequel is in progress, it's a little late for me to add you in, but I'm sure I can find room for you somewhere else! ;)

Chapter 7: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Sirius and Remus were both still out of it. Lily, James and Peter sat in chairs between the two beds. Peter shuffled his feet and shifted in his seat so many times Lily wanted to scream. James was staring at his knees, resting his forehead in one hand. The other was holding onto Lily's hand as though it was his lifeline. The three of them sat silently, occasionally looking at each other but mostly staring at either the two boys or the floor.
Lily could feel the tension in James' hand. She knew he wanted to be out with the twins reeking (sp?) havoc on the people responsible, but she also knew he knew his place was here with his best friends. This thought in her mind, she turned and glared at the far end of the hospital wing. Bellatrix was in one of the far beds with Rodolphus and Calista Serene standing guard.
Lily turned away. It was better to ignore them than think about them. Peter shifted noisily in his chair for the six thousandth time and she cracked.
"Heavens about, Peter, either sit still or go eat already! Apparently it's more important to you than staying here!"
Peter seemed to shrink into his chair and looked at the floor. "Sorry, Lily" he muttered. Lily sighed and leaned back in her chair. She glanced at James and saw the tiniest smile on his face. She smiled too and turned away to look at Sirius.
Sirius' face was very pale, there was a large burn on his arm where the Stinging Hex had struck him, and both boys had large cuts on their head from when they had hit the floor.
Suddenly, James squeezed her hand. "I'm so glad you're here," he whispered. Lily smiled at him and gently kissed his cheek. James smiled once more then went back to staring at his knees.
Lily's stomach was squirming. All afternoon she had thought about telling James that Sirius had kissed her the other night. She really liked Sirius, but she really liked James too. She wasn't sure what she was going to do about this. The only thing she knew was she had to be honest with them both. Yet, as she watched James' concern for Sirius, she recognized their bond. The two were brothers in every way except blood itself. Lily saw this, and she knew she could never tell James.

*********

Hours had passed, and now bright moonlight was pouring through the windows of the hospital wing, illuminating the beds on which Sirius and Remus still lay. Lily and James still sat in their chairs between the two beds; Peter had long since abandoned them to fulfill the needs of his stomach. Bellatrix had been released and she and her fellow Slytherins had long since departed the hospital, throwing contemptuous glares at the Gryffindors on their way out. Lily sworn she had seen that malnourished-looking freak, Calista Serene, give Remus an almost longing glance on her way out, but Lily thought she must have imagined it. Now it was just the four of them.
James was slumped in his chair, hand still linked with Lily's, fast asleep. Lily lay curled up in her chair, gazing at Sirius' sleeping form. She sighed quietly to herself. Even asleep, they're both gorgeous, she thought. She thought of two kisses, one that had spread warmth through her entire body, leaving her with a sense of complete happiness. The other had been like a spark of electricity jolting throughout her, awakening a yearning and a passion she hadn't known existed. She wanted them both and her heart ached with the thought of the choice she knew she soon would have to make.
"Must be heavy thoughts." The quietly spoken words jarred Lily from her confused thoughts. She looked up and a huge smile spread across her face.
"How're you feeling Remus?" she asked, whispering so as not to wake the others.
"Well, as long as I don't play Quidditch for a while, I think I'll be ok." Lily smiled at the little joke. Remus didn't play Quidditch.
"Loser," she grinned.
"Yeah, I should leave the joke making to the professionals," Remus grinned. He sat up and grimaced, putting a hand to his head. "OK, now it hurts," he groaned. Lily released James' hand and moved to help Remus, but he waved her away.
"S'ok, Lily girl," he muttered. Still looking concerned, Lily slowly sat back in her chair.
"Remus, who was it?"
Remus sighed and rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "I didn't see them. Whoever it was hit me from behind. So it was probably Severus and his gang of gutless goonies."
Lily gave a derisive snort and nodded. "Bella Lestrange was in here earlier, with her boyfriend Rodolphus and that skinny Calista thing."
Remus nodded. "Well, that pretty much confirms the mystery. I bet Malfoy and Rabastan were along for the fun." With a glance at the sleeping James, he whispered, "He didn't do anything stupid, did he?"
"No," Lily smiled, "no, he was very good. We've been here all day. However, we did run into the twins on the way here and, well....." she let her voice trail off.
"Oh Lord give us strength," Remus mumbled. The twins had quite the reputation. "As long as they don't commit murder--"
"Remember last year when Anthony Nott hexed my friend Sara and the twins caught up with him?" Lily snickered.
"Yeah, it took the teachers a week to find him, and then another two too get that tail removed!" Remus and Lily both choked back their laughter.
Lily grinned. “There should be an extra commandment, 'Thou shalt not-"
"-screw with Autumn and Spike," Remus finished.
"That's perfect!" Lily quietly exclaimed.
"I know," Remus said solemnly. He glanced at Lily and they both laughed again. They muffled their laughter in their hands, trying to keep the volume down.
"So," Remus hiccupped as they settled down, "you wanna talk about it?"
"About what?" she asked him.
"Well, you were holding James' hand but looking at Sirius with a very interesting look on your face. 'Course, it could just be my imagination, but..."
Lily blushed. How long had Remus been awake and watching her? Remus was an extremely good observer. "There's nothing to talk about," she muttered lamely. And if he buys that, I'm Snape's long lost sister.
"They consider each other brothers, Lily." Remus' voice was a whisper of a whisper, but the words cut straight to Lily's heart.
"I know," she whispered back.
"Does James know?"
Lily looked at the ground and shook her head. Cold rushed through her, and she brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.
"This will kill them both, you know." She'd never heard Remus sound so serious about anything.
"I know," she whispered again. "Are you going to tell James?"
"It's not my place to do that, Lily. So it's Sirius then?"
Lily closed her eyes and put her head on her knees. "That's just it, Remus. I have no idea. And they both . . . . . . . . . . god, you must think I'm awful."
She could feel Remus' eyes on her but she didn't dare look up. She knew what his eyes would tell her, it was just easier to live with her own guilt.
"Of course not, Lily," Remus said. That was all it took for the tears to begin leaking out of Lily's eyes. She kept her head down so he wouldn't see.
"Lily, you just need to figure what you want."
"Easier said than done," Lily muttered.
"Yeah, I know." She could almost hear Remus smile and smiled at her knees in return. "The thing is, Lil', your life will be livable again only after you make a decision. I can't tell you what that decision is, only you can do that."
Lily sniffled and raised her head to look at the kind face of Remus Lupin.
"How do you know all this," she asked. She wiped the traces of tears from her face as his face turned grim.
"Prefect intuition," he said. Lily rolled her eyes at him and he smiled in response.
James shifted in his sleep, drawing their attention to him. His eyes fluttered, then opened fully and looked around.
"Hey," he said softly to Lily. Then, glancing at Remus, he sat up in his chair. "Hey!" he smiled at his friend. "How ya doin'?"
Remus gave a mournful glance at the ground. "Lily was entertaining me until you woke up," he said reproachfully. "I mean, I was working the whole pity oh-I'm-hurt-but-I'm-ignoring-my-pain-like-a-man-so-love-me angle and I was this close to getting her to do a strip tease for me!" Remus held up his fingers to show them just how close he'd gotten, and then collapsed against the pillows, laughing his head off. Lily swatted at Remus, but she was laughing too.
"Dang, and me without my camera," James cracked.
"James Potter!" Lily cried. Their laughter echoed off the halls. Suddenly, Sirius moaned and tossed his head.
"I think he's waking up," James cried. As he rushed to Sirius' side, Lily and Remus looked at each other. A feeling of understanding shot between the two. She knew the question his eyes were asking her. Lily gazed back sadly, at a loss for words.

*******

Sirius was having the dream again. He knew he was dreaming this time, and he hoped to god he'd never wake up. This was paradise, feeling Lily's hands on his body. He breathed in the scent of her hair and tasted her sweet lips. Her skin was incredibly soft. He lay back on the couch in the Gryffindor common room, Lily sprawled on top of him. Her hands caressed his neck, his clutched at her long silky hair. She leaned slightly to the right and gently nibbled on his ear, causing Sirius to close his eyes and moan in satisfaction. She knew exactly what he wanted.
"Lily, I think I love you," he whispered in her ear. He kissed her neck. Her soft laughter sent shivers down his spine. Her laughter mingled with James', and he thought he heard Remus chuckle. He didn't want them to see him and Lily like this. Sirius struggled to open his eyes, but his head hurt too much. He finally opened his eyes and blinked repeatedly as the ceiling of the hospital wing came into focus. Crap.
"Does it hurt much, mate?" James' voice came at him from the right. Sirius turned his head and drew his breath in a sharp gasp as the pain stab him again. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillows.
"No, not at all," he said sarcastically. It's only every time I move, the pain's so bad I see visions of Lucy in the sky with diamonds floating through strawberry fields on her way to Penny Lane, that's all."
The sound of Lily's laughter was music to his ears, and he opened his eyes to find her sitting next to James. He could see the relief in her face. Sirius' heart constricted at the thought that she had actually been worried about him. Then he looked at James and the happy feeling went away as quickly as it had come.
"So, you're normal then! Excellent." Remus deadpanned from his bed. Sirius tossed his pillow in Remus' general direction. Laughing, James settled back into his chair and grasped Lily's hand again. Sirius looked at their linked hands, and then let his gaze wander to their faces. He watched James brush a lock of Lily's fiery red hair from her face, then watched that same hand come back down and cup her cheek. The look in their eyes was unmistakable, and Sirius felt his heart would stop.

8. Thickening Plans, Big Mistakes

A/N: I am so unbelievably sorry I haven’t updated in so long! I had some things in my life I needed to take care of, but now that the dust has settled down, I can return to posting my stories! I’ll be doing quite a few updates today, since the story is finished. I started writing this story last September and finished it in January, so although we have quite a ways to go here on Portkey, it is done and I’m in the process of writing a sequel, as well as a new H/Hr, a Bellatrix/Voldemort horror fic I won’t be able to post here (nuts) and a Wormtail ficlet. Good times.

My ramblings aside, here is chapter 8!

Chapter Eight: Thickening Plans, Big Mistakes (remember that I suck at naming things!)

Sirius walked down the hall from the hospital wing. He'd woken up two days ago and was finally well enough to go back to Gryffindor Tower. Remus had left the day before. James, and Lily had been with him almost constantly, and Peter had popped in a few times, but never for very long. The hospital wing gave him the willies, he'd said.
Every time they'd come in, James and Lily had been holding hands. It was obvious to everyone they were finally an item. It broke Sirius' heart to see them together. He knew he was supposed to be happy for his best friend but it just wasn't possible. If it had been anyone but James, he would be fighting them for Lily's affections, but it was James so what could he do?
He was so lost in his thoughts that he wasn't paying attention to where he was going and ran into someone. He looked up and was stunned to find that the emerald eyes he'd been thinking of were now standing right in front of him. They both spoke at once.
"Umm--oh--Lily---I'm-uh."
"Sirius! Oh---I mean--hi--um."
They broke off and smiled rather embarrassed smiles at each other.
"You first,” Sirius offered. Lily's face turned as red as her hair.
"Oh, I was just coming to see how you were feeling." she said quietly.
"Pretty good," he answered.
"Yeah, since you’re . . . you know...”
"Out and about." Sirius finished.
"Yeah." Lily said. There followed an extremely uncomfortable silence that lasted about a second in reality but a lifetime to Lily and Sirius. After forever, Sirius cleared his throat and spoke.
"Saw Malfoy in the hospital wing." Malfoy had been there since the day before with curtains around his bed so no one could see him. Madam Pomfrey had been standing guard to make sure no one bothered him.
"Can he talk yet?" Lily asked.
"Nope," Sirius grinned. "And his second head looks just like Severus Snape!"
"WHAT?!" Lily cried laughing. "You're joking!"
"I kid you not." Sirius held up his right hand in oath to his truthfulness. Lily giggled.
"Autumn told me Spike shoved Snape’s head in a toilet in one of the girl's lavatories, and he came out covered in scales. He's too embarrassed to even go to the hospital wing." Lily informed him.
Sirius grinned and nodded his head in approval. Got to love those twins he thought to himself. The thought faded, and Sirius found himself facing another of those long silences. Lily looked all over the hall as if the bare walls were the most interesting thing on earth. Sirius found he couldn't stand it.
"So, you and James, huh? That's excellent," he said to the floor. THAT'S what you're talking about? Why that? His mind screamed to him.
Hey, at least I'm talking he answered himself. He could feel Lily's eyes on him and didn't dare look her in the face.
"Sirius--" she started. He cut her off.
"Hey, no worries, right? It's not like I told you I had feelings for you or anything," he said.
"Do you?" she asked in a quiet voice.
"Does it matter?" he responded bitterly. "You're with James now and that's that." He turned away and started walking.
"Sirius, wait." Lily followed him and grabbed his hand. He felt the jolt of electricity Lily had noticed before course through him and he turned to look in her eyes. They gazed at each other for a long moment, reading the emotions in their eyes, and knew without speaking what one was feeling for the other.
Without a word, Sirius grasped Lily's hand tight, pulled her towards him, and kissed her the way he'd dreamed about for so long. He wrapped his arms around her as if he would never let her go. And just as in his dreams, Lily wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.

It was even more amazing than Sirius could ever have dreamed. It was as if Lily was made for his arms. Every curve of her body fit perfectly against him. He tasted her soft lips over and over until he thought he would die from the ecstasy. His fingers clutched handfuls of her hair, caressed her back, her arms, anywhere he could. He couldn't get enough of Lily. He wanted it to be like this forever. Repercussions be damned.

*******

Electricity was running thru Lily's body. She knew this was horribly wrong but for the moment she didn't care. There was nothing in the world but Sirius and this kiss and this moment she wanted to last forever. She wound her arms around his neck and ran her fingers thru his hair. It was amazing . . . he was amazing. It was as if he knew exactly how she liked to be kissed, to be touched. Her head was spinning and she clung to Sirius as though her life depended on it. James Potter had claimed her mind and her soul, but her heart and her passion belonged to Sirius Black.

*******

He couldn't believe his eyes! There, for the entire world to see (if anyone happened to pass by) were Sirius Black and Lily Evans, wrapped in an embrace that could have stopped time itself. James Potter's girl. . . James Potter's best friend . . . it was almost too much. Eyes narrowed, he slunk back deeper into the shadows and watched.

*******

No. . . . her mind suddenly whispered to her. Lily broke away with a gasp and looked at Sirius with wide eyes. Their arms were still around each other, their lips bruised, hair mussed, breathing heavy. Looking at her that way made Sirius want her even more, and he read the same emotion in her eyes. He leaned towards her again.
"Lily," he said huskily. But Lily leaned back away from him.
"I . . . I can’t . . . I just can't," she said shakily. Tears filled her eyes as she disentangled herself from Sirius' arms and stepped away from him.
"Don't leave," he said. His arms felt empty without her. Sirius reached for her, desperate to hold her again. She shook her head, the tears now beginning to fall.
"I have to," she whispered. With that, Lily turned and ran down the hall. He watched her go, her red hair streaming out behind her, until she turned the corner and was gone from his sight. He watched the corner for a long moment, halfway certain she would reappear at any moment. When Lily didn't return, he slammed his fist against the wall in frustration.
"Damnit!" Sirius gasped in long slow breaths, trying to regain control of himself. His entire body was shaking. He leaned forward and pressed his head against the cool stone of the wall. Turning so he faced outwards, he gazed at the ceiling and slid trembling down the wall to the cold floor. He closed his eyes in frustration, his mind completely focused on what had just happened. He didn't see a scaly-faced Severus Snape step out from his hiding place in the shadows and didn't hear him walk away.

**********************

Severus quickly walked down to the depths of the school, gave the password, and walked into the Slytherin common room. Bellatrix & Calista were sitting on one of the black leather sofas. He crossed to them and sat next to Calista.
"Where are the others?" he asked her.
"Standing guard over Malfoy," she answered.
"Making sure those damned twins don't get a hold of him," Bellatrix added. Her head twitched to the right as she spoke and Severus saw her fingers clench and unclench. He self-consciously picked at the scales on his face and silently agreed with her. He looked to Calista and saw her cold eyes boring into his own.
"What?" he asked her.
"You tell me," Calista said in her scratchy voice. Her bone thin hand reached up and brushed a wisp of her lank hair away from her face. Calista always managed to look severely malnourished, even though Severus knew she was nothing of the sort. “You came in here looking as though Christmas had come around for a second whirl."
Severus grinned. Malnourished looking and psychic, that was Calista. He knew many who were more malicious, but few who were as twisted as she is. "I know exactly how to get them all back for this. No wands, no magic, no violence . . . from us, anyways. All we have to do is tell the truth for a change."
Bella looked stunned. "We're supposed to do what now?!"
A slow smile spread across Calista's thin face. She looked Severus in the eyes and nodded. "So tell us the news already," she said. "I was never one for suspense anyway."
Severus nodded and gestured to the girls to lean in. He spoke in a quiet voice so as not to be overheard. "You'll never guess who I saw. . ."

****************

An hour or so later, Remus was walking through the halls on a wild Sirius hunt. Sirius, whose appetite was legend, had not shown up for dinner. This being the first time in 7 years such an event had occurred, James, Remus, Lily, Peter, Autumn, Spike, and Sara had decided to split up and look for him.
Remus had noticed Lily's subdued manner all through dinner and though he hadn't had the chance to talk to her yet, he had a pretty shrewd idea of what was bothering her.
He glanced out one of the tall windows and gazed at the sky. He had been unconscious during the full moon and no one had seen him transform, thanks to Madam Pomfrey. Only 20 more nights until full moon. It may seem like a long time to anyone else, but to Remus Lupin those twenty days would be gone in a flash. They always were. Merlin give me strength. Sirius and James might enjoy full moon as a good romp, but for him they were experiences of pain beyond pain. It was as though his body was being torn in half, the hair sprouting from every pore felt like a thousand knives stabbing his body. When his fingers turned into claws it felt like they were being broken over and over again. Peter had once told him what he looked like right before the transformation: twitching and jerking as though he was having convulsions.
Nobody ever said turning into a werewolf was fun, he thought bitterly.
Remus found himself headed toward the seldom-used South Tower. There was no way Sirius could be there, no one ever went this way unless they had to. Couldn't hurt to check, right? he figured. Remus shrugged, and then pulled out his wand just in case. He was much more alert after being attacked, so he thought.
As he passed a statue of Urg the Unclean, a bony hand reached out and grabbed the hem of Remus' robes. He found himself being pulled into a narrow corridor behind the statue. He yanked his robes out of the hand's grasp, straightened up and met the eyes of the hand's owner. When Remus spoke, his voice was very un-Remus like, cold and harsh.
"What do you want?"

9. Azkaban Interlude

A/N: From now on I will be posting the Azkaban Interludes separately from the regular chapters. They were originally written as fillers, and most are not very long. For those who are re-reading this from my posting at different sites, there are several Azkaban scenes and other moments I did not include that I will hopefully be able to put here.

-------NOV. 2, AZKABAN PRISON-------

Sirius sat slumped against the wall in the holding cell. He clutched his head in his hands and tried to shut his mind to everything. Unfortunately, nothing was working. Visions of his life's worst memories ran thru his head: the day back in his first year when he was sorted into Gryffindor and his mum sent him a Howler screaming of the shame he had cause the family for not being good enough to be a Slytherin. The time he stole a bar of Honeyduke's chocolate on a dare and got caught. When he ran away from home and spent the night sleeping under an interstate turnpike in the rain. James' face when he heard he'd kissed Lily. Graduation, looking out into the sea of happy parent's faces and his own not there. James and Lily . . . James and Lily . . . and Remus . . . and Wormtail. . .Wormtail. Just the thought of his name sent the familiar anger thru Sirius' shivering body. The horror of the betrayal, and the idiotic reasoning behind it all!
As if he thought he could ever be good enough for my Lily Sirius thought furiously. Never mind that Lily had married James and borne him a son. In Sirius' mind, she was and would always be his Lily.
His rambling thoughts were interrupted when the door to the holding cell swung open. Sirius looked up to see Barty Crouch and Alastor Moody (and member of the Order of the Phoenix) enter. Seeing Moody filled Sirius with a small bit of hope. Moody served in the Order with Sirius. Moody's presence possibly meant that maybe Dumbledore.
"Peter Pettigrew and 12 Muggles died in that little stunt you pulled yesterday, Black." Crouch's voice was harsh and held no sympathy.
"I didn't-"
"QUIET!" Crouch roared. "Don't you dare speak to me, Death Eater!" Crouch practically spat the last to words out of his mouth and glared at Sirius with hatred Sirius hadn't seen since he lived at home.
"Death Eater," Sirius stammered. "I'm not a Dea-"
"I said be QUIET! Petrificus Totalus!" Sirius was frozen in the Full Body Bind, unable to move, unable to speak. He could, however, see and hear just fine. Crouch leaned over him to make sure Sirius caught every word.
"I know what you did to the Potters," he hissed. "And now Pettigrew, plus a dozen innocent Muggles! What a lasting tribute to the memory of your fallen master you performed. You'll have ages to remember it. You're not going anywhere, ever. I hope you like your new home." Crouch straightened and turned towards the door.
"What about his trial Barty?" Moody's hoarse voice came from Sirius left, though he wasn't in his line of vision.
"You honestly think filth like that deserves a trial?" Crouch sniffed. He swept out of the cell and the door banged shut behind him. Moody and Sirius were alone.
"I never would have believed it, myself," Moody said. "I honestly thought you loved James and Lily." There was a long silence and the cell door slowly creaked open again. The cold swept into the room as though it were alive.
Oh God, don't leave me here, please don't leave me here, I didn't do anything it was Wormtail not me oh god somebody please don't leave me here with them to be forgotten please help me help me. . . Sirius tried to throw off the curse that bound him, but nothing worked.
Moody shifted so Sirius could see him. He walked toward the doorway then stopped on the threshold and looked back over his shoulder at Sirius.
"I hope you rot here," he whispered. Moody was gone, the order of the Phoenix had abandoned him. Two tall, hooded dementors glided into the room. Sirius would have screamed if they could. Their clammy, rotted hands reached out for him. They grasped his arms and Sirius felt his very flesh try to crawl away from where they touched him. He closed his eyes and gave the last coherent thought he would have for thirteen years.
Lily. . . . .

10. Looking for Sirius

Chapter 9: Looking for Sirius

--- HOGWARTS, 7th YEAR--

"What do you want?" Remus spat. Calista's colorless eyes flicked up and down his body once before answering.
"Look," she began, "I hate your friends."
"You dragged me here just to tell me that?" Remus asked coldly.
"Let me finish! However, you aren't so bad . . . for a Gryffindor."
Remus blinked in surprise, but before he could say anything, Calista continued.
"I don't want to see you upset, so listen carefully. If you want things to stay as they are with your friends, get Black and Evans to come clean to Potter before Severus tells him what he saw. That's all."
Calista was gone before Remus could ask her anything else. He stared at the spot where she had been, thinking hard about what she had meant by that. Black and Evans . . . it came to Remus what must have happened. Oh God, that's why Lily was upset. . and why Sirius wasn't there . . . damn! Remus turned and ran back the way he came. He had to find James before Severus did.

*********

James walked across the grounds toward the Shrieking Shack, thinking Sirius might be in there. It was very odd Sirius hadn't shown up for dinner. James wasn't panicking yet, however.
"Hey, James!" Autumn hailed James from the entrance hall doorway and ran to him. She caught up to James and he gave her a moment to catch her breath.
"So, where's he at?" James asked after Autumn had stopped clutching her ribs.
"No idea," Autumn replied. James cocked an eyebrow at her in surprise.
"Come again?"
"That's what I came to tell you. No one can find him, not Remus or Lily or Spike 'n me. He's nowhere, man." Autumn's face was tense. She and Spike had never failed to find anyone before. James ran a hand thru his messy hair and thought for a moment, trying to squelch the panic rising inside him.
"All right, then . . . just tell everyone . . . have everyone go back to the common room. I have one more place to check then I'll meet you all there."
"You're the boss, mate." Autumn gave James a mock salute, placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder momentarily, and then ran off. He watched her go, then turned and hurried his pace toward the Whomping Willow. He was now extremely worried. Sirius had never disappeared like this before. He prayed his best friend was all right.

***********

Sirius wasn't in the Shrieking Shack. He wasn't in the South Tower, or the Great Hall. He hadn't snuck into Hogsmeade; he wasn't in the room behind that mirror on the fourth floor. And he hadn't gone back to the hospital wing.
He was deep in the bowels of the Forbidden Forest, farther in than he or any of the Marauders had ever been before. The atmosphere was dense and thick, the air itself heavy. If he had noticed his surroundings, he would have felt as if the air was trying to push him into the ground. The trees groaned and creaked in the wind and there was a fine mist hanging about the ground.
"Padfoot, I think I'm in love with her". . . . . . . . . . . ." Don't leave." "I have to." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lily in his arms. . . . . . . . . . "You should really be nicer to her, Sirius. She's not that bad." "Yes she is Remus!" . . . Lily in front of the fire . . . . . . . running around with James and Remus and Peter, Marauders for 7 years now. . . . . . . . .all those dreams. . . .
It was official. Sirius was a slime ball. Not only had he had fallen in love with the one person his best friend in the world loved, he had kissed her TWICE! Sirius was lost. He loved Lily, but James was his brother. Did he fight for the girl, or stick with his friend? Would Lily even want him if he did try to win her over? Would James even stay his friend if he knew what Sirius had done and how he felt? . . . . . . If Lily loved him back, did it matter?

*************
Remus ran frantically into the common room. Peter, Sara, Lily, Spike were already gathered around the fire. He looked frantically for James but didn't see him.
"James isn't here yet Remus." Sara answered his unspoken question. "Come sit and try to relax. Maybe James and/or Autumn found Sirius and they're bringing him back now." Sara patted to empty space next to her, but there was no way Remus was sitting down now. He grabbed Lily's arm, pulling her to her feet. Ignoring her protests, he pulled her upstairs into the boy’s dorm room.
Remus slammed the door shut, locked it, and turned to Lily.
"What happened with you and Sirius," he demanded. Lily looked absolutely stunned.
"How did you--what're you, psychic now or something?!"
Remus shook his head. "Whatever happened, Snape knows and he's going to find James. Lily, we have to find him first!"
Lily was too surprised to say anything at first. She stared at Remus, her mind spinning a hundred miles an hour as she tried to think.
"How did you . . .?" Lily's voice was weak. Her eyes spelled out her guilt as Remus stared her down.
"Calista. Never mind-" he held up his hand as Lily opened her mouth to speak - “I’m assuming you and Sirius kissed? Don't speak; just shake your head yes or no." Lily nodded. "Well,'' Remus continued, "Snape saw you and now he's off to spill the beans to James. He knows that if James hears it from someone else, especially Snape, before he hears it from you, it'll kill him. It's what Snape wants. We have to find James. Come on."
Remus grabbed Lily's hand and once again pulled her behind him, this time back downstairs.
"What is going on?!" Sara exclaimed as they passed. Remus shook his head at her as he and Lily headed for the door. Just then, Autumn stepped thru the portrait hole.
"What's the word, mockingbird?" Spike asked his twin.
"James aid wait for him here," she shrugged. Remus let out a growl of frustration and turned away from everyone. Autumn crossed to him and put her hands on his shoulders.
"Hey, Remus, everything's going to be all right," she said in a soothing voice. "Just try not to worry. I'm sure nothing's wrong."
Remus just looked at Lily, the worry evident in his brown eyes. Her emerald ones stared back, just as afraid.

***************

James emerged from the Whomping Willow thoroughly frustrated. Sirius hadn't been there. He brushed the dirt off his arms and ran his fingers thru his hair again. He headed back toward his common room.
Maybe Remus found him after all. Or Lily did. . . Just thinking Lily's name made him walk faster. He still couldn't believe how things had turned out between them. James had never been in love before, but if this was love then it was better than anything he'd ever heard or read about. Being with Lily was like finding that part of himself he'd been missing his whole life but hadn't known it. Lily fulfilled him. He hated being apart from her and couldn't get enough of her when they were together.
Lily hadn't said "I love you" yet, but it didn't matter. He could wait to hear it. After all, he'd waited for seven years for Lily Ann Evans to notice him the way he noticed her. He was happy. James wouldn't push her to say it because there was that terrifying fear she would be saying it just to appease him.
What if she never says it at all? a nagging voice in his head whispered. James shoved it back down, not wanting to dwell on that. She'd say it. He knew she would. She had to. Lily had become his everything.
The nagging vice wasn't done yet. And if she finds someone better?
James froze with his hand on the handle of the great oak doors leading inside the castle. His blood chilled and his insides curdled. Now that he finally experienced life with Lily, he didn't want to imagine a world without her. James took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. The very thought of Lily with someone else, holding someone else's hand and kissing someone else's lips made him broil with rage. He would die.
It hasn't happened, the rational part of his brain told him. Why fret over things that will never come to pass? James sighed and pulled open the doors. All hail rationality, he thought. He walked past the Great Hall and headed toward Gryffindor Tower.
A still scaly-faced Severus Snape stepped out of the shadows and blocked James' way.
"Potter. We need to talk."

11. Caught

Remus finally couldn't take it anymore. He ignored the other's protests and burst out the portrait hole and headed towards the main hall. He had to find James and hide him from Severus, or find Sirius and knock him upside the head. Either one worked just fine.
He turned the corner and stopped dead in his tracks. James was right there! He looked at Remus and gave a small smile.
"Any luck on Padfoot yet?" he asked. Remus could only shake his head; all vocal capabilities were caught in his throat. James gave Remus a quizzical look. "Everything all right mate?" Remus nodded.
James shrugged. "Wanna hear something ridiculous? I just ran into old Snivelly and he tried to convince me that he'd caught Sirius and Lily snogging! Of all people! Stupid git, I don't know what he's trying to. . ." James' voice trailed off as he looked at Remus' face.
"Moony?" Remus could only stare at James. He knew his face was betraying him, telling James the very thing he didn't want to know, that Snape was right.
All traces of a smile left James' face. "Is it true?" Once again, Remus could only nod, although now he was staring at the ground. He couldn't bear to look at James' face.
"And you knew?" James spoke in a very quiet voice.
Remus finally found his voice. "I only just found out -" He stopped short when he looked up and saw the end of James' wand directly in his face. Completely floored, he looked at James. The burning in his eyes was so intense Remus actually stepped away from his friend.
"Prongs?" he asked quietly.
"Get. Away. From. Me." James was deadly quiet, but his hand was shaking. When Remus didn't move, James' face screwed up in fury.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!" Remus turned and ran down the hall, leaving James alone. He decided to go back outside.

*********

It was 2am. Sara, Autumn, Spike and Peter had finally gone to bed. Remus hadn't returned yet and there was still no sign of James or Sirius. Lily sat alone on the couch staring into the dying embers of the fire. She absentmindedly twirled a lock of her hair though her fingers as she waited. And waited. And waited. 2:30. 3am. Her head was beginning to droop onto her shoulders when the door slowly creaked open and a tall figure stepped into the room. She anxiously looked up into warm dark eyes.
"Sirius Black! Do you have any idea how freaked out we've all been?! Where on earth were you? We looked everywhere! You had us scared to death!" Lily stood and verbally assaulted Sirius. He just stared back with the strangest look on his face.
She was worried about me. She does care. God, she's gorgeous when she's angry. It makes this so much harder. He took a deep breath. He had to do this.
"Lily," he started.
"Listen, Snape-" Sirius cut Lily off by walking forward and gently placing a finger on her lips.
"Me first," he said softly. "Please, Lily, this will be so much easier if I can just talk." Lily looked into his eyes. He looks so sad, she thought. She slowly nodded. Her news about Severus could wait one moment longer. He took his finger away from her lips and spoke again, in that same soft, tired voice.
"I love you."
Lily's eyes widened. She could think of nothing to say. In a million years, she had never imagined Sirius Black would ever say anything remotely like that to her. Then again, until this year they'd never even been friends. Sirius went on.
"I love James more. He's been my best friend most of my life and he's essentially the only family I've ever really known. And he loves you. I can't do this to him. . . We both just have to walk away from this. For James."
Lily nodded and felt the tears well up in her eyes. She didn't know if she loved Sirius Black, but she'd never find out. She wasn't willing to hurt James. She cared for him too much.
"Sirius, I--" The sobs choked her words before she could get them out. She closed her eyes, the tears now flowing freely down her face.
Sirius watched her face crumple and it burned into his soul. He couldn't bear to see her cry. It was like a knife in his heart.
"Oh, Lily. . ." he whispered. He gently reached up and brushed the tears off her cheeks. She slowly opened her eyes and stared straight into his. He looked back, his hands no longer brushing away tears but tenderly cupping her face.
He very slowly leaned in and Lily tilted her face to meet his. Just one more time they both thought. Lily's lips met Sirius' in a kiss light as air. They both pulled back slightly, then leaned in again. The kiss was slow but passionate. They simply melted into each other. Sirius felt his arms go around her and hold her closer. He knew it was the last time he would ever get to hold her like this and he wanted to make it a moment to remember. Lily opened her mouth slightly and her tongue met his in a gentle massage.
Lily grabbed Sirius' hair and pulled him closer to her. Not even James kissed her like this. She felt fresh tears running down her face, but held onto Sirius as their lips explored each other. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the kiss lessened until they drifted apart. Their foreheads rested against each other as they struggled for breath. Finally Sirius looked into Lily's eyes one more time and gently brushed her hair back from her face. He let it run thru his fingers before dropping his hand to his side.
Lily choked back fresh sobs and nodded at Sirius. They let go of each other and stepped back. After a longing look, they turned and found James in the doorway.

12. Telling James

For a moment, James thought his eyes were deceiving him. There was no way he was watching his best friend and his girlfriend having a make out session in the common room. But the horrible sight didn't vanish, and he realized this was actually happening. I guess she found someone better after all, his mind whispered to him. James felt the rage boiling up inside him until he thought he would burst.
Lily and Sirius finally stepped way from each other. They turned toward the door and saw him standing there. He saw their faces, Lily's horrified, Sirius' guilty. He found he couldn't look either of them in the face, so without a word he turned and walked up to his dorm, slamming the door behind him as he went.

***********
"Ohgodohgodohgod," Lily muttered. She put closed her eyes and sank back onto the sofa. She rocked back and forth holding her face in her hands. The look on James' face had been terrible. Lily knew it would haunt her dreams. She was so stupid! It was over, everything had been ruined. And it was all her fault.

***********
Sirius paced the common room. He felt like he was going to be sick. He tried to take a deep breath, but his lungs weren't working properly anymore. Finally, he came to rest in front of Lily, who still had her face in her hands.
"I'm going to go talk to him," he said nervously. Lily didn't look at him, she just nodded her head. Sirius stared at the top of her head a moment. He wanted desperately for her to look at him, to have her eyes give him some sort of encouragement. It wasn't going to happen. Sirius sighed, mentally took a deep breath, and headed upstairs. Oh lord, I'm going to die. . . .

The door to the boy's dormitory slowly squeaked open. Sirius entered cautiously and looked around. It was completely dark inside. The only light came from the open door. There was a lamp on the wall by the door. Sirius pulled out his wand. "Lumos," he muttered and tapped the lamp. It flickered at once into a soft glow. Slowly, the other lamps around the room followed suit, and in the dim glow Sirius saw James. He was lying on his bed, arms folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling.
Sirius entered the room and swung the door shut behind him. It closed with a loud CLANK. There was complete silence in the room. Neither boy said anything. James did nothing but stare at the ceiling. Sirius stayed exactly where he was. After a few minutes of shuffling his feet, Sirius decided to speak.
"Listen-"
"Oh, don't tell me. You can explain everything?" James' voice was very hard, very bitter. "This isn't a prank you can talk your way out of. The old 'Black Charm' isn't work a pile of knarl droppings this time. So just save me the usual explanations of how you just couldn't help yourself and neither of you really knew what you were doing. If I have to listen to it I'll be sicker than I feel already." James' voice had gotten stronger, louder and more vicious as he spoke.
"Please-- Prongs-"
"DON'T call me that!" James was on his feet facing Sirius. His face was white and he was shaking. Even in the dim light, Sirius could see how bloodshot his eyes were. "Don't you EVER call me that again! That name from you-- the sound of your voice--- the very sight of you makes me want to VOMIT! You're a---- how could you---” James’ voice suddenly went weak and his face collapsed. "You were supposed to be my friend," he finished softly.
James' burning eyes bore holes into Sirius' soul. It was unbearable. Sirius swallowed nervously. James gave a noise of disgust and stalked toward the window. There was another long silence, which only a creaking was heard.
"You're right," Sirius said. "I was supposed to be your friend. This wasn't supposed to happen Pro--James. You weren't supposed to get hurt."
"So, how is it with the two of you? Do you compare your kissing to mine? Laugh behind my back? 'Silly clueless James, making a fool of himself for 7 years, isn't it funny?'"
"Of course not." Sirius was stunned James could even ask him that.
"Then what was it?" James demanded.
"Well. . . I just. . . I mean. . ." Sirius was uncomfortable. He saw the realization creep into James eyes.
"I love her! I love her and you KNEW it! I told you and you still took her away from me!"
"No one took me away from you, James."
Both boys whirled to the door. Lily stood there with her hand on the doorknob. Bathed in the light from the hall, it seemed Lily was glowing. Tears no longer crossed her face, but she looked tired and completely miserable. Sirius tore his eyes away from her to look at James. The pain he was feeling was plain on his face.
"Please," Sirius tried again, "please just--let's just talk about this!"
James clenched his teeth. "Sirius, all I want to do right now is hit you until you bleed to death. So get out before I act on it."
Sirius took a step towards James. He opened his mouth--
"Go, Sirius." Lily's voice was quiet but firm.
Surprised, he turned to Lily. The look he gave her was hurt and confused. Lily looked at him and nodded. She held open the door and waited for him to go. Sirius gave a last look to James then turned and quickly left the room.
Lily shut the door and turned to face James. She cleared her throat.

"What do you want me to say, James? Or do you want to go first?" Her voice was quiet. She sounded like she had nothing left inside her.
James didn't answer her right away. Even though it was killing him to look at her, it would kill him more to look away. He went over every inch of her face, even though he had memorized it years ago.
"I'm not sure what to say," he answered.
"Neither do I," Lily said.
"Why?" James asked her.
Lily paused while she considered her answer. “It’s something that just happened. I don't know if there is a 'why'."
"Out of all the people in the world, why Sirius? Why my best friend, Lily?" James tried to sound calm, he didn't yell, but his voice betrayed his feelings.
". . . . I don't know. It just ended up that way."
James ran his hand through his hair. It made Lily smile sadly. She used to hate that habit, but it was so James she couldn't argue with it anymore.
James was quiet again for a long moment. He didn't feel the anger he'd felt with Sirius. Now, there was a sense of loss, of hurt, of deep sadness. He could never be angry with Lily. He loved her too much. That's why this was worse than facing Sirius. James knew Lily didn't love him back. I wasn't enough after all. He sat on his bed and stared at the floor, blinking back tears. Tears were weak. He refused to be weak. He wanted her to leave.
"Shouldn't you go?" he shot at her. "Go be with the person you really want to be with."
Lily thought of Sirius downstairs. She knew this was the choice Remus had talked about, the decision she had to make. She could either walk out the door and find Sirius, or stay. Staying was futile. She knew James would never be able to forgive her. Lily so wanted him to forgive her. She wanted to be able to hold his hand, have him smile at her, finally go to Hogsmeade together. . .
"I am with the person I want to be with." Lily knew. She was an idiot, and it may be too late, but she knew. She crossed to James and sat on the bed next to him.
She's here because she pities me. That's all. She's trying to feel better about herself by staying. Don't make more of it than it is, James thought.
You know her better than that, he answered himself.
Do you? that nagging voice whispered again. You know how you feel about her, but what about how she feels?
Stop it, he told himself firmly.
Lily waited for James to say something, anything. The silence was killing her.
James finally cleared his throat. "Then why-- if you say you want---- how could you. . . ." He couldn't even accuse her of deliberately hurting him. It was too much.
"I didn't know then," Lily said. "I've only just figured it out for myself."
"And when was that?" James asked.
"Pretty much now," Lily answered him. "My sense of timing was never spectacular."
"No kidding," James snorted. They smiled at each other. We're actually smiling! Lily thought. Could he actually. . . She was too nervous to finish that thought.
She looks like she really wants to be here. Merlin above, she's perfect when she smiles. Is it possible . . .? James was so confused. The evening had been filled with so much, he felt like lying down and never getting up again. He just had to know. . .
Lily didn't quite know what to do. James looked so lost, sitting on his bed. .
"I'm so sorry, James."
"Don't say that," he answered sharply. "Don't give me 'sorry’. ‘Sorry' doesn't change anything."
"I know that," she said softly. "Do you--- do you still want me to leave?"
"I don't know," he answered. "I just wish. . . "
"I know," Lily said. "Me too. But what good does that do us?"
There was a huge silence. James couldn't believe he was going to say this.
"What 'us', Lily?"
Lily blinked, then nodded sadly. She stood and started for the door. James' heart caught in his throat.
"Wait, Lily." He stood and walked toward her. She turned to face him, trying to keep the hope inside her hidden. "Is that it?" he asked. "Are you just . . . walking away?"
"I am trying to do what you want, James. What else is there?"
"Tell me what else you think there is."
Lily looked long and hard into James' eyes. No words came to her, so she did the only thing she could think of. She kissed him.
James was stunned. Her kiss was light, nervous. Before she could pull away, he stepped in and kissed her back. His hands cradled her face, her arms went around him. It was perfect. Then, his mind brought him back to reality and what was happening. James very regretfully broke the kiss and stepped away from Lily.
"I'm not sure about this anymore," he whispered. "I--- I just need some time to figure out. . ." Figure out what? Whether she . . . whether I could. . . God this is so hard!
Lily nodded. She knew what James was getting at.
"I can wait," she said. "You're worth waiting for." James just stared at her and she smiled. "Yeah, I know, after 7 years, now I'm the one waiting. Pretty ironic. But however long it takes, I'll wait. I don't deserve-"
"Don't," James said again. "I can't take it anymore, all right?"
Lily swallowed back her tears and straightened her shoulders. She reached over and tenderly brushed the hair out of James' eyes, then turned and walked away. Say it! Say it! her mind screamed at her. This could be your one chance so SAY IT!!
Lily looked back over her shoulder. James had turned away towards the window again. He couldn't watch her leave.
"I love you." Lily shut the door behind her and ran to her room. In the boys’ room, James spun around and stared at the door, completely frozen. She said it . . . . .

13. 3 Weeks Later

----- 3 WEEKS LATER------

Calista Serene gathered up her school things and walked out of Potions with the rest of the Slytherins. No one in her gang was aware she had spilled to Remus what Severus had done. She just wished Remus had gotten there in time. Everyone knew James and Lily were broken up because of Sirius Black. There was no other conversation in the girl's loos she'd overheard except that.
The Marauders were almost completely separated now. Apparently, James wasn't speaking to Remus yet, either. In fact, the only person he talked to was that little Peter Pettigrew. Annoying twit, he was. She didn't know how anyone put up with his constant whining! At mealtimes, she saw James and Peter at one end of the Gryffindor table. Remus would be always down, usually somewhere near Lily, who was usually with that annoying Sara Brown and those awful twins, Autumn and Spike. Sirius either ate outside or sat alone at the far end of the table.
Calista didn't feel sorry for any of them. They all deserved what they got. Stupid Gryffindors. Lording their 'coolness' over the entire school as if they were gods. They deserve this. It's about time the perfect people felt pain.
The only one she felt anything other than hate for was Remus Lupin. She knew Remus wasn't perfect, that his life had been just as difficult as hers. Calista knew Remus was a werewolf. Severus had told her about the nasty trick they had all played on him last year. Leading him into a werewolf-inhabited tunnel. Severus could have died! Not like he'd actually be missed . . . just one less person to worry about. Calista wasn't really fond of anybody.
Then why was she rushing off to corner Remus again? It's not like she had a responsibility to help him and his horrid friends out with their problems! And Evans deserved what was about to happen to her. Little Miss Perfect, she was. She had it coming. It was such a perfect plan; they'd even had help from a Gryffindor!! Of course, the little worm was easily bought, but still. . . Malfoy was going to teach Little Miss Perfect a thing or two, and get his own nasty Mudblood-filled fantasies out of his head at the same time. Calista was the only one who knew about Malfoy's Lily obsession. Disgusting. Hopefully, fulfilling them would put an end to it.
Then why was she running to Remus to ruin it all?

**********

Sara and Lily had walked around the lake three times and Lily still hadn't said anything. Sara had given up trying to get her to talk. It was like Lily had ceased to be aware of her surroundings. Weeks she'd been like this, with no improvement.
Sara wished Lily would just get over the whole James/Sirius thing and move on already! That's not fair. You're still upset that it was Sirius-----just take your own advice and get over it. It's not like Sirius even knew you existed anyway.
Sara shook off her feelings. Lily was her best friend, always had been, and Sara wasn't about to let any man tear them apart. Even Sirius Black.
A bush to Sara's right rustled, attracting her attention. An enormous rat shot out from underneath it and headed straight for Sara. She shrieked and tried to run. Rats terrified her more than anything. The rat followed her and ran over her foot -- Oh my God it actually TOUCHED me!! -- then ran off into the shadows.
Sara tried to remember to breath, but she was too freaked out. Since when do rats chase people? her foot tingled where the furry little beast had touched it.
"Disgusting little rodents SUCK!!" she screamed at the sky.
"Yeah, suck," Lily said vaguely. Sara gritted her teeth. Well, at least Lily spoke.
"Look, Lily, I-"
Sara's mind suddenly went blank. What had she been about to say? Oh, yes. She had to go back to the school now.
"I have to go now," she said. She saw Lily look at her, actually look, but it didn't matter now. Sara was supposed to be at the school, away from Lily. Bad things were about to happen that she didn't want to see. The voice told her so.

14. A Note From The Author

~ A Note from the Author ~

Greetings, my loyal readers. I’m writing this because I feel the need to say a few things. First off, your support for this story is wonderful! Those who’ve read the complete, but edited version on Darkmark.com will be a bit surprised by what is coming.

For the most part, this has been a Romance-centered story. From this point on, things get a bit twisted, and while there will be romance, the dramatic and adventurous aspects of the story come more into play. It gets very very dark, and I’m writing this note for my younger readers.

While I love everyone who is reading, I ask all new readers to stick with me through the next few chapters. I promise, it gets very rewarding.

The next update will be up tomorrow, and I will probably do at least 3 chapters. I just had surgery, so I’m trying to catch up with all my posting now that I am home.

Thank you all for reading, and I appreciate all of your comments and feedback. It means more than you all know.

~ Faeries Masquerade ~

15. Lucius

Chapter 13: Lucius

"What the hell?" Lily watched as Sara walked dreamily back up to the castle. It wasn't like Sara to just take off and not say why. She probably told you why, you just weren't listening. Again. Lily felt bad. She hadn't been the best of friends to anyone lately, but Sara (and Autumn) were still sticking by her. It was just so much easier to be in La-La-Land than to be at Hogwarts. She could be as miserable and self deprecating as she wished there, with no one to scold her.
The bush behind her rustled again. Jeez, how many giant rats are in that bush anyways? She decided to keep walking before the rodents of unusual size jumped her. That was when the voice came from behind the bush.
"Finally. I thought we'd never be alone," Lucius Malfoy stepped out from the shadows. Lily automatically reached for her wand, but Lucius was too quick. His was aimed at her before she even reached her pocket.
"Now, now. Be nice." Lily froze and glared daggers at him.
"What do you want, Malfoy?"
He gave her a leery, appraising look. "You, for starters." He began to walk lazily towards her, his eyes crawling over her body. Lily grabbed her wand but Lucius was two steps ahead of her.
"Accio!" Lily's wand shot out of her hand and flew into Lucius'. He gave it a disinterested glance before snapping it into pieces and tossing the remains carelessly over his shoulder. "That takes care of that problem." his wand was still aimed at her face.
Lily backed up until she hit the trunk of a large tree. She turned to run, but Lucius caught her hair as it streamed out behind her. He pulled, slammed her back against the tree trunk and pinned her there with his body.
"Now, Evans, don't make this any harder than it has to be. Unless that's how you like it. . . " He leaned in and inhaled the scent of her hair.
"Let me go!" She turned her face away when he tried to kiss her. He slapped her across the face. Lily blinked and saw stars dancing in front of her. Lucius leaned in and bit her ear roughly. The filthy Mudblood tasted awfully good. . .
"Not that I'm into tasting Black and Potter's leftovers. I just want to see what all the fuss is about." His tongue crawled down her neck and Lily thought she would be ill. She pushed against him, but he shoved her back against the tree. Lily tried to hit him, but he grabbed her wrists and held them away from him.
"Lucius, please," she begged. She tried staring into his eyes to invoke some kind of pity, but it was too late. She had already pissed him off.
"Not as friendly as you are when it's your little Gryffinsnots doing you, are you? I told you to play nice!" He shoved her again against the tree. "Let's see if you taste as good as you look," as he pulled her, struggling, to the ground.

***************

She deserves everything she's getting. She has it coming.

Then why are you trying to ruin it?

I'm not. I'm just going to talk to Remus. I'm not going to even mention the girl.

You will.

"Stop it." Calista actually put her hands over her ears as if she could block out the arguing voices in her head. She didn't know where that other voice had come from. The one that was trying to convince her to tell someone what was happening to Lily Evans. It was absurd. Calista didn't help people. Hell, she never did anything unless it benefited her in some way, everyone knew that!
So, where did the voice come from? She looked up and happened to spot Remus Lupin walking across the grounds. Alone again. She froze and watched him. He looks sick. . . Of course he did. Tonight was the full moon. She so wanted to go over and talk to him. To tell him what was happening, so he could stop it--
What was wrong with her?! Surely, a mild physical attraction couldn't give her a conscience. Could it?
No, she wasn't going to help Little Miss Perfect Evans. She deserved what was happening to her for being everything Calista wasn't. She was just going to go have a casual conversation with Remus . . . about what? What on earth would a Slytherin and a Gryffindor have to talk about?
If you let this thing happen to Lily Evans, absolutely nothing. He'll never see you as anything but a slimy, sickly, treacherous--
She had walked up to Remus without realizing it. Calista took a deep breath and spoke.
"Remus. We have to talk."
Remus bit back a sigh. "About what? You're as bad as a Grim, you know that? Except instead of death, you bring bad news. What catastrophic event is going to happen now? Or are you just stalking me for laughs now?" Remus instantly felt guilty. He hadn't meant to snap at her, even though it was Calista Serene he was dealing with. It was just that with none of his friends being on speaking terms and the impending full moon, he wasn't in a very good mood.
"I'm sorry, Calista, what did you need to talk about?"
Calista stared at Remus as though she'd never seen him before? A Grim? He was comparing her to a filthy, scummy Grim? And she was desperate enough to stalk him?! Well, she could deal with that.
"I'm sorry," she said coldly. "I forgot I was dealing with a silly werewolf. Go bite someone else's head off. I'm not in the mood to be supper for a freak tonight. Thanks anyway."
Calista turned and stalked off, fuming. So that's what he thought of her. Fine. And as for Evans, well, she had it coming. She hoped Lucius made it hurt. It didn't bother Calista one bit. No sir.

**************

Lily tried vainly to throw Lucius off of her, but he was too strong for her. He had a hand over her mouth and the other was tearing at her robes. Her head was throbbing. She was terrified. Her normally rational mind was freaking out on her. She couldn't see any way out of this.
A jet of reed light blasted out from the trees and hit Lucius. He was flung back a few feet---off of Lily. She took her opportunity and ran as fast as she could towards the castle. She heard Lucius get up and try to give chase. Lily put on more speed and ran flat out, as fast as she could. Her eyes were blinded by the tears that were finally coursing down her face. She couldn't really see where she was going, so of course she ended up running into someone.
"OUCH! What the--Lily?" Lily blinked away her tears to find she had run smack into James. Something finally ended up semi-right! The one person her heart was crying for at this very moment was the one person she had ended up running into. Without a word she flung her arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder.
James was floored. One moment he'd been moping about the grounds, halfheartedly looking for Peter, the next Lily was crying on his shoulder like the world had ended. She'd come out of nowhere too.
"Ummm, Lily? Lily, I kind of want my shoulder back. . ." It was too weird for him to have her suddenly clinging to him like this. He gently pushed her away from him, and that was when he saw her face. The bruises, the twigs and leaves in her hair. Noticed her torn robes. Saw the fear in her eyes.
"Oh, god, who. . ." James brushed her hair out of her eyes and wiped the blood off her cheek. She started to sob again and he instantly pulled her into his arms. "Shhh. . .It’s all right. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you. Shhhh. . ." he rubbed her back as he whispered in her ear that all would be well.
Over her shoulder, he suddenly noticed Remus standing a few yards off. He whistled, catching Remus' attention. His eyes widened when he saw Lily and James. James gestured for Remus to come over. Remus was at his side instantly.
"She needs the hospital wing," James whispered. "Help me get her there?"
Remus nodded and gently took Lily's arm. "It's ok Lil', everything's ok." A true friend, he didn't even ask any questions. He just helped. James suddenly felt horrible for how he'd treated Remus. It wasn't his fault what had happened. Remus must have felt what James was feeling, because he looked him straight in the eye, gave him a mischievous wink and a quick grin before returning his attention to Lily. James grinned inside. His friends rocked.
Lily let Remus take her arm but leaned against James. Her mind was still in revolt against rationality. All she knew was that her James was here and nothing could hurt her now.
Lily was still leaning against James' shoulder as they walked to the hospital wing and he realized he had no problem with her being there. He had his arm around her waist supporting her. He wanted to keep her in his arms. God he was a moron. As soon as things were calmed, he would tell her he loved her the way she'd told him weeks ago. James didn't ever want to be apart from her again. And he would make sure whoever had hurt his Lily would rue the day.

16. The News is Spread

Chapter 14: The News is Spread

Lucius watched the pretty boy and the freak help Evans up into the castle. His breath came in ragged pants and his shoulder hurt where the Stunning Spell had hit him. The Stunner that had come from nowhere!!! He glowered at the great oak doors as they closed behind the three Gryffindors. Lucius knew he'd never be able to get that close to Evans again without getting into a decent fight first. Ignorant Mudblood. She didn't realize what she would have gotten from Lucius. To be merely touched by him was an honor, and he wanted her! She should be thanking him on bended knee . . . among other things. Groaning, he shook his head and slowly crept back to the Slytherin common room.

*********

Sirius picked moodily at his plate of fish and chips. Life without the Marauders was turning out to be completely miserable. He especially missed James. Classes were boring without someone to plan pranks with, or laugh at the teachers, or charm spitballs to fly at Snivellus... But James was ignoring him, which meant Peter was too. Remus had seemed willing to talk, but Sirius purposefully distanced himself from Remus just to keep things safe. He knew Remus was in hot water with James and though he didn’t know the details, he didn’t want to make things worse for his friend. So Sirius isolated himself.
How could I let this happen?! My best friend’s girlfriend. . . I shouldn’t have done anything about my feelings for Lily. I should have ignored them. Stupid git! He’d spent weeks mentally abusing himself. He thought it would be therapeutic, but it wasn’t doing much good so far.
People were coming into the Great Hall with horrified looks on their faces, having whispered conversations. He didn’t care. The only whispering he’d heard lately had rumors of why Lily and James had broken up. Many had to do with him. Sirius was sick of the whispers and the odd looks he got in the halls. He hoped it was as annoying to the others as it was to him. Sure enough, he heard Lily’s name being whispered by a group of girl’s passing behind him.
“Wonder what happened. . . The way she looked. . . . James Potter. . . “
So it was the usual stuff. Nothing of interest. Sirius shrugged and went back to his uneaten dinner. The fish was cold now. He threw his piece of fish back onto his plate and stood to leave. He glanced at the High Table and saw one of the girls who had been whispering behind him talking to Professor Dumbledore. Dumbledore face looked very worried. He stood and strode quickly from the hall, igniting a great deal of muttering among the staff and students alike. It was not Dumbledore’s custom to leave in the middle of dinner.
Sirius had turned to watch Dumbledore’s progress from the hall so he was facing the doors when Autumn and her brother Spike came in. Instantly, they were bombarded with questions from various students.
“What happened to her?”
“Did you see anything?”
“Do they know who hurt her yet?”
“How is Lily? Is she going to be all right?”
“WE DON’T KNOW!!! STOP BADGERING US!” Spike yelled. The Great Hall fell into silence and that was when Spike caught Sirius’ eye.
Lily’s hurt. Someone’s hurt Lily. The thought ran over and over in Sirius’ head as he bolted for the doors. Spike tried to grab Sirius as he passed but too many people were in the way. He ran out the doors, ran smack into a student – it was Calista. Ignoring her cry of surprise, he kept going. He had to get to Lily.
He ran for the hospital wing as fast as he could. He had to know what happened to Lily; he had to get to her. He didn't care about the students he was pushing out of the way; what were they compared to his Lily?
He flew down the corridors, his heart pounding in his ears. Everything around him was a blur except. . . He turned a corner, skidded to a stop and slowly turned back around. There was Sara Brown, walking along and humming to herself like she didn't have a care in the world.
Sara wouldn't be like this if there was something wrong with Lily. Sirius decided to double check anyway. He whistled at Sara and waved her over to him. Sara glided over.
"Hey, Sara," he said while trying to keep his voice as casual as possible, "have you seen Lily today?"
Sara giggled. "You're not supposed to ask that question anymore!" she scolded him in a singsong voice.
"I just heard a rumor she wasn't okay, and I wondered if you knew anything. . ." Sirius let his voice trail off. Please god, let me be overreacting. Let everything be all right.
"I dunno," Sara said. She was giggling like a loon now, and hiding her face in her hands. This isn't right. Sirius began to edge slowly away from Sara, wondering what was going on. Sara's face went suddenly solemn. Sirius noticed her, truly noticed her for the first time. Her pale skin, her clouded eyes with the pupils completely dilated and rimmed in red, her shaking hands.
"I'm supposed to be at school," Sara said softly. Her voice sounded like it was coming from miles away. She's under a spell, Sirius realized.
"You are at school, Sara," Sirius replied. He was trying to catch her eye, but she refused to look directly at him.
"Sara," he pushed, "what happened to Lily?"
"I don't know. I left. . . " Sara turned away and walked toward a nearby window. Sirius ran to her. He grabbed her arm and whirled her around to face him.
"Left her where?" he demanded.
". . . the lake . . . it was just us and I left. . . " The far away voice was seriously creeping Sirius out now. Something was very wrong. He knew it in his gut.
"You left her alone? Why would you do that?" Sirius shook her hard, trying to get her to snap out of whatever spell she was under. Sara finally looked directly into his eyes and he was stunned at what he saw there: fear, rage, confusion, hate.
"BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TOO!" she screamed.

*********

James paced back and forth in front of the doors to the hospital wing. He didn't know how Remus could be so calm, just sitting like he was on the ground, his head leaned back against the wall. Dumbledore had told them to wait outside while he spoke to Lily. That was over an hour ago.
"You're gonna end up pacing a trail into the stone floor, and I don't think Filch has the resources to fix something like that," Remus said. James rolled his eyes and kept pacing. He didn't know how much longer he could stay out here. He needed to be inside, with Lily. She was calling to him, he could feel it. They had been apart for too long, and now she needed him with her and he was out here! He hoped Dumbledore came out soon. The waiting was agony.

17. Calista and the Slytherins

Chapter 15: Calista and the Slytherins

Calista rubbed her shoulder where that maniac Black had run into her. He'd just bolted from the Great Hall and run into her, then kept going like she didn't exist! Not a "sorry" or anything, what have you. She sniffed and passed the Great Hall to the door to the Slytherin common room. Stupid Gryffindors, she thought. She gave the password - pureblood - and entered. The secret door had barely shut behind her when she was slammed against the wall by a red-faced Lucius Malfoy.
His hands were around her throat, squeezing tighter and tighter while he lifted her off her feet. His eyes sparked gray flame, his voice was a venomous hiss.
"How. Dare. You. How dare you betray us like this! After all our planning, you ruin everything because of some infatuation with a filthy werewolf!" He let go of her abruptly, letting Calista fall to the floor. She gasped in breath and rubbed her neck. She looked up and saw Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabastan, and Severus standing behind Lucius. Their faces were accusatory, their wands out.
" I -- I --" Calista tried to get the words out, but they caught in her throat and she choked, hacking and gagging as breath tried to circulate.
"Well," Lucius snarled. "You what ?"
Calista finally managed to take a few slow, deep breaths. She closed her eyes as her lungs returned to normal. She felt her neck; the bruises would take ages to fade. She opened her eyes to face Lucius.
"I didn't do anything."
Silence greeted her statement. Lucius recovered quickly to accuse her again.
"You Stunned me from the trees."
"I didn't," Calista said again. " I never even left the school. I didn't tell anyone anything. If someone foiled your grand plan to screw the Mudblood, it sure as hell wasn't me. So back off!" She snarled the last part as she stood on her trembling legs and pulled out her own wand. Calista glanced over Lucius' shoulder and met Severus' eyes. They stared at each other for the longest moment. Calista couldn't pull away; it was like he was holding her there with his mind. I'm not afraid. She shook her lank hair out of her eyes and defiantly faced him, silently daring Severus with her soul to challenge her.
He stared, unblinking, as though he saw the very depths of her mind. Calista felt the oddest sensation, as though her mind was a library and Severus was rifling through the bookshelves that revealed her unconscious.
"She's telling the truth," Severus said in his soft voice. He blinked and the connection that had held her gaze was broken. All turned to look at Severus as Calista sank, unnoticed, trembling against the wall and to the floor again.
"She's not lying. Calista didn't Stun you, Lucius," Severus said again.
"Then who did?" Lucius demanded.
"Does it matter?" Bellatrix sounded irritated. "At least you didn't make the biggest mistake ever, Lucius!"
"What are you talking about," Lucius hissed at her.
"A Mudblood !" she hissed back. "You want my sister so badly; Narcissa will never touch you if she knew you had poisoned your flesh with a Mudblood's touch, no matter how unwilling she may have been. You'd never get your hands on the Black fortune, and your precious pure-blood only persona would be ruined. So don't you blame Calista for her disgusting 'infatuation', as you call it, unless you're willing to out yourself in the same boat."
Calista stared. The expression on her face mirrored everyone else's. In all their years together, Bellatrix had never made such a speech. When Lucius spoke again, it was in a voice mingled with surprise and resentful admiration.
"Interesting way of putting it, Bella."
"Interesting, ha!" Bellatrix wasn't done. "You should be thanking me on bended knee for letting Evans escape!"
Calista's eyes widened. No way. . . . . . . . .
"I Stunned you, you blithering idiot! You think I would let you ruin our reputations for a dirty, scummy, rotten MUDBLOOD?!" Bellatrix spoke in a hissing whisper, but her voice carried throughout the room as though she were screaming.
"Your lust would have ruined us all. I saved you. I saved you, and don't you ever forget it, or that dream of the great and powerful Lucius Malfoy, that dream you hold so dear, will never happen! Never, no matter what the Dark Lord tells you, and you know it!"
The eyes of Severus, Lucius, and the Lestrange brothers instantly cut to Bellatrix, who seemed to realize she had said something she shouldn't. She stopped and closed her mouth, clearly still not done ranting but unwilling to say any more.
Dark Lord? Calista thought. What the hell?. . . .
Lucius was glowering daggers at Bellatrix. He looked capable of committing murder, which, Calista realized, he probably was. Bellatrix and Lucius continued their staring match for long moments, neither speaking nor moving. They gripped their wands in their hands, ready for the other to make the first move.
"This solves nothing," Rodolphus spat suddenly. "We have places to be, more important than here.
"What about. . . " Rabastan let his sentence trail off and jerked his head toward Calista, who still lay crumpled on the floor. They turned to look at her, apparently Lucius and Bellatrix had forgotten she was there.
"She comes with," Severus said coldly. "She knows too much now, and I'm not in the mood to perform another Memory Charm today."
Calista suddenly found herself in the grips of the Lestranges, who were on either side of her. Lucius bent down until his face was inches from hers.
"Not a word," he threatened. "Just come quietly, and maybe the Master will have the heart to hear you out. You may prove useful, yet."
The group left the castle and headed toward the Forbidden Forest.

18. Red Eyed Rats

Chapter 16: Red Eyed Rats

The doors to the hospital wing finally opened. Dumbledore emerged, his face lined with exhaustion and worry. Remus jumped to his feet, and together with James pounced on the headmaster.
"She will be fine," Dumbledore said before they could speak. "In time. I trust you will both attend to her? There are things I must take care of, things I have overlooked for too long." Both boys nodded, though neither one knew what was going on.
Dumbledore looked at them each in turn, nodded and swiftly swept down the hall and out of sight. James and Remus looked at each other, shrugged, and crept silently into the hospital wing. Lily lay in a bed at the far end of the hall. Rosy red light from an open window streamed across her, making her hair seem even more red. It flamed against the white of the pillow, thick and shining. Angry purple and black bruises appeared in stark contrast to her pale skin. She had scratches across her cheek, her neck, her chest and arms. Her eyes beneath her closed eyelids seemed sunk into her head, and there were dark circles under her eyes. To both boys, she was the most gorgeous creature they had ever seen.
"I have to go," Remus said quietly. James looked at him strangely, then realized: red light. It was sunset. James nodded.
"I'll be there soon, Moony. I just need--"
Remus put his hand on James' arm. "To stay with Lily tonight," Remus finished for him. "Don't worry about me, I'll be all right. I did do this for years without you guys, I can survive one night." Remus winked at him, then turned and strode quickly out of the hall. The sun was setting lower every second.
James turned to find Lily's gorgeous eyes looking at him. His heart melted as he crossed to her and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Hi, love," he said as he gently stoked her face. Lily's eyes teared up as she smiled at him.
"Hi," she whispered.
"How do you feel? Do you need anything?"
"Just you," she answered. "Please stay with me tonight, James."
"No where else I'd rather be in the world," he said. James lay down next to Lily and folded her in his arms. She laid her head on his chest and sighed.
Finally, they thought. Both knew this was exactly what the other needed and had longed for. At peace at last, they were both asleep in moments.

*******

"You are at school, Sara," Sirius replied. He was trying to catch her eye, but she refused to look directly at him.
"Sara," he pushed, "what happened to Lily?"
"I don't know. I left. . ." Sara turned away and walked toward a nearby window. Sirius ran to her. He grabbed her arm and whirled her around to face him.
"Left her where?" he demanded.
". . . the lake. . . it was just us and I left. . ." The far away voice was seriously creeping Sirius out now. Something was very wrong. He knew it in his gut.
"You left her alone? Why would you do that?" Sirius shook her hard, trying to get her to snap out of whatever spell she was under. Sara finally looked directly into his eyes and he was stunned at what he saw there: fear, rage, confusion, hate.
"BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TOO!" she screamed. Her voice echoed off the stone walls. Sara burst into sobs and collapsed in Sirius' arms.
"You told me --- yo-you were in m-my ---- my head and ---- and you said --
b-bad things ---- we--we were walking -------- I heard your v-voice --- the rat --- my foot ----- and L-Lily w-w-was--" Sara couldn't continue anymore and buried her face in Sirius' chest sobbing her heart out.
Sirius' mind was reeling with everything she'd just told him. As he went over everything his mind focused on something she'd said. The nagging feeling that was already in the pit of his stomach increased and he gently knelt down and held Sara's head until she was looking at him. Unfortunately, he could tell she was still under the effects of the spell. Still, he had to try and get her to tell him-"--about the rat," Sirius said firmly. "Tell me about this rat."
Sara shivered in his arms. "I hate rats," she whispered.
"I know Sara, but I need to know about the rat." Sirius gripped her arms tighter. C'mon, Sara, stay with me here. Her eyes watered again and she whimpered.
"I hate-"
"TELL ME!" Sirius shook her hard, his impatience growing. This was ridiculous. They were sitting here talking about rats when Lily was hurt. . . he knew she was hurt. He could feel it in his bones.
Sara sniffled. She looked at Sirius like he was crazy to fixate on this little part of her story, but there was fear in her eyes too. She was still shaking, but when she spoke her voice seemed amazingly calm, almost like the real Sara. Almost.
"We were walking. . . . . . it just ran out from under the bush. . . I screamed and it ran over my foot. . . then it--" she broke off and jumped back, her eyes wide and staring behind Sirius. He turned and jumped up in horror. Dozens of rats were pouring out of the cracks between the wall and floor. Huge, furry, black rats, with their horrible pointed noses sniffing, their bald tails swishing behind them, and their beady eyes fixed on Sirius and Sara.
Sirius pulled out his wand, but one of the rats bit his wrist. The world instantly began to spin out of control. He glanced over and saw through bleary eyes that Sara was already unconscious, rats swarming over her entire body, biting and scratching as they went. The rats were all over him too. They kept biting. . . he saw blood. . He tried vainly to hit them away, but he was so dizzy. . . he saw the blurred outline of someone walking towards him. . . his voice caught in his throat, but before he could choke out the name his eyes closed, and the world stopped.
Peter Pettigrew stood in the midst of the swarm of rats staring at the sleeping forms of Sirius and Sara. He bit his tongue until it bled to keep the cry of regret from bursting out of his throat. His eyes looked upon Sirius, one of the people who had been his friend for many years. Had taken care of him, helped him become an Animagi, laughed and talked and played with him.
And Sara. Poor, poor Sara. His eyes traveled over her lovely face, drinking in every detail. She was so pretty, just like the others had been. . . but none of that mattered now. He was in too far to back out. And he had someplace to be.
"Mobilicorpus." Sara and Sirius were lifted off the ground. They floated in midair, the army of rats milling about beneath them. . . waiting. Peter directed the bodies with his wand and led them into the glaring red sunset. . . into the dark, foreboding woods of the Forbidden Forest where the Slytherins waited for the red eyes.

19. First Night

A/N: OK, wow, everybody harness his or her chi, ok? :P Let me respond to a few concerns:

1. No, Remus is not in love with Lily. He just, for one brief moment, found her beautiful. Peter does not even love Lily, really, but that is a matter for the sequel. ;)

2. Lily is just asleep because Madame Pomfrey gave her a sleeping potion. I figured you all would catch that without me writing it in. My apologies.

3. Peter and the Slytherins… …read on and find out. Muahahahaha.

Chapter 17: First Night

Night brought an eerie calm to Hogwarts. The moon was bright and full, illuminating the fine mist that hung low about the ground. Students stayed in their dorms, unnerved by the stillness of the air. It was just as well. Dark things were unfolding.
Deep in the forest, a werewolf hunted. Remus had not made it to the Shrieking Shack on time and now roamed the forest at his pleasure; a dark, skulking figure in the shadows.
A low noise attracted the wolf's attention. He crept towards a small clearing, keeping low to the ground. He didn't find dinner there, however. What he saw would have terrified Remus the human, and probably gotten him killed. The wolf, however, stayed lurking in the shadows, watching. Deciding to find easier prey, he crept away from the clearing with a low growl. His wolf instincts knew better than to mess with the red eyes.

********************

Unaware of the goings on around them, Lily and James slept blissfully on. Wrapped in each other's arms, they gave each other warmth no blanket could provide. Their dreams were filled with light and love. No darkness could touch them tonight. They slept at peace, the only ones for the time being.

*******************

The moon had set, leaving everything in a murky darkness. Luckily, Rabastan and Rodolphus had their wands out, tips lit, to guide the way so no one would fall. Calista walked between Severus Snape and the rat, hiding her bloodied hands in the folds of her robe. She kept her eyes trained on the ground, trying to block out the memory of what had happened, who she had met, and what she had just done. The company reached the edge of the forest and halted, huddled in the shade of a massive oak tree.
"Get lost, rat," Bellatrix hissed scathingly. Without a word, Peter yanked his hood over his head and departed, making a beeline for the comforting warmth of Gryffindor Tower.
I wonder how he got dragged into all this? Calista thought idly.
"We go back in pairs," Lucius said. "Say to the shadows. . . "
If they forced him like they did me. . .
The Lestrange brothers left.
If he had to do what I did. . .
Bellatrix and Lucius were gone. It was just Calista and Severus now. She started to leave, but Severus grabbed her hand and pulled her back for a moment.
"No regrets, are there? He'll know if there are," Severus whispered.
"Of course not," Calista said. She prayed her voice and face showed more defiance than she felt. Inside, she was shriveled and whimpering. Severus looked at her a long moment, then smiled his approval. He released her hand. Calista turned to start back up to the castle. Severus leaned in and whispered once more in her ear, making her skin break out in goose bumps.
"That's my girl."
Oh god. . . . .

*********************

Sirius awoke to the blistering light of dawn. He shut his eyes again to block out the glare of the sun. The grass was making him itch. He scratched irritated at his skin and weakly sat up. The world swung back and forth and he groaned and held his head in his hands.
Grass?
Ignoring the nausea, he jerked his head up and opened his eyes to stare around him. He was in the woods, he wasn't exactly sure where. Birds were chirping, happily unaware of the dealings of wizards.
All right and I got here how?. . . . I was talking to Sara about. . . . . what were we talking about? Sirius screwed up his face trying to remember. He and Sara had been in the hallway, and there was a sense of urgency, but what they were talking about was completely erased from his memory. Also gone was whatever the urgency was about. He simply couldn't remember.
Sirius' entire body ached but when he looked over himself and saw nothing to ache about. No bruises, no scratches, no bite marks. Nothing.
"Bite marks?" he said softly. His voice was scratchy and hoarse, like he'd been screaming for hours. He cleared his throat. "Why would I think bite marks?" He again combed his memory, trying to remember, but once again came up with nothing. That was when Sirius realized he was alone.
"Sara?" He looked around for her, but there was no sign of her anywhere.
"SARA!" His voice sent a nest of birds flying into the air, but no Sara. Nothing.

********

Lily slowly opened her eyes to find James smiling down at her. His hand was gently stroking the side of her face. She hesitantly smiled back at him.
'Hey' he mouthed silently at her.
'Hey' she mouthed back. She gave him a curious look. I wonder why we aren't talking? Lily opened her mouth to speak, but James put a finger on her lips, put it to his own, then pointed. The door to Madame Pomfrey's office was wide open and she could be seen sitting in her chair, fast asleep.
Lily smiled, then looked back at James. Without a word, he leaned down and gently kissed her lips. Lily closed her eyes and sighed against his mouth. I could wake up like this every day. . .
She put her hand on his neck and drew him closer to her. His body settled next to hers as one hand slipped into her hair while the other traveled down her side to her waist. She moaned and tried to deepen the kiss, but James broke off and, panting slightly, buried his face in her neck.
"Nice way to wake up," she whispered in his ear. He gave a low chuckle and the feel of his breath sent delicious tingles up and down her spine.
"Missed you," he murmured. Lily closed her eyes and hugged him close.
"Missed you too," she said.
They stayed that way for the longest time, until both had slowly drifted off to sleep again.

20. Blood Tryst

Chapter 18: Blood Tryst

Calista sat moodily in front of the fire, wishing the flames could burn away the memories of the night. She was alone in the Slytherin Common Room, and very thankful no one was here to question her. She rubbed her left arm and huddled closer to the fire.
"The pain will stop after a while," a voice said silkily behind her. Severus. I wish he would stop doing that.
"Do you?" He was sitting right behind her. He grabbed her arms and pulled her back until she was leaning against him. Her entire body involuntarily stiffened and she swallowed nervously.
"Do I what?" she asked. Can he hear my thoughts? Calista received no answer, only a sly laugh. He began to rub her arms. She forced her body to try and relax. It must have worked, for Severus laughed again.
"Good girl," he purred in her ear. "You know what comes next, don't you?"
She did. It was expected of her now. Severus was becoming very close to the Master, not as close as Lucius, but still . . . obeying was the only thing that could save her now.
Calista swallowed every inch of pride she had left. She slowly turned until she was facing Severus. She put her arms around his neck, drew him to her, and pulled him down on top of her in front of the fire.

**********

It felt like Sirius had been walking for hours. His sense of direction was completely shot. He did not know if he was heading back towards the castle or traveling deeper into the forest. All he knew was he was tired, hungry, sore from walking all day and very worried about Sara. The sun was now directly overhead, sending down its blistering heat.
All those romps with James and the others -- you think I would know where the hell I am by now! Sirius was fast losing patience. He refused to admit he was lost (a Marauder was never lost) but he had reached the point where he was more than willing to stop and ask someone for directions. . . if only there was a someone around!
He tromped through the brush, hoping he would eventually stumble onto a clue as to where he was. He saw a break in the trees just ahead and figured that was a good a place as any to head. The thorny thickets tore at his robes and scratched his face. He was about willing to sell his soul for a gulp of water. Finally, he broke through the foliage and fell into a small clearing. An odd sight greeted his eyes: a large ring of stones decorated the center of the clearing, with a large stone dais placed within the circle. A hoard of birds were hopping and pecking at something lying upon the dais, but Sirius couldn't tell what it was. That familiar nagging feeling had returned to his stomach, and combined with the lack of food he was becoming very nauseous. Taking a better look around the clearing, he saw dozens of birds of every kind perched upon every branch in the surrounding trees: sparrows and pigeons, swallows, blue jays, owls, crows. And even what looked to Sirius like a raven. It sent a shiver down Sirius' spine; ravens were not considered to be good omens by wizard-kind.
All right, Padfoot old boy, time to rock and roll. Let's just boogie on out of here shall we? Unless you feel like making a cameo in Alfred Hitchcock's latest movie. Yes, leaving was the best idea. So Sirius slowly crept farther into the clearing until he was right next to the dais itself. Doofus. The rustle of birds shifted a bit, and Sirius could now see what lay upon the dais.
Sirius' scream of horror sent the cloud of birds fluttering into the air.

*******************

Calista didn't bother to dress; she just wrapped her cloak around her and shot out of the common room, leaving Severus to sort out his own garments. She bolted for the showers as fast as she could.
She locked the door behind her. When steam filled the entire bathroom, she tossed off her robe and leapt under the scalding water. She grabbed the nearest bar of soap and scrubbed every inch of her skin she could reach. Then, she lathered her hands and soaped her hair. Salty tears mingled with soapy water running down her face. She attacked her body with the bar of soap again. Her skin was red from the ceaseless rubbing.
Is this what her life had been reduced to? Letting the slimiest creatures she had ever encountered touch her just to stay alive and in the good graces of a Master she hated? They must know how she felt about all this; hell, Severus with his freaky Jedi mind tricks. . . of course he knew. The version of hell that had become her life in the past 48 hours was just a game to him. To all of them. And to think, she had thought them her friends.
Calista didn't realize she was sobbing until she sank to the floor and lay curled up in a fetal position, letting the hard jet of water spray her body. There she stayed until the steam dried her tears, until heat turned to icy cold. Cold was good. It matched what was left of her heart.

21. Sara Brown

A/N: Yeah I know. Two chapters in 20 minutes and everyone is just going `woohoo!' I just felt like giving everyone a bit more than usual. Mostly because the beginning is all over and now we're getting to the good stuff. Please remember: the more feedback I get, the better! Thanks everyone!

Chapter 19: Sara Brown

Lily opened her eyes and stretched her arms over her head. Way to sleep the day away, Lily-girl. She looked over and saw the sleeping James lying next to her. Lily smiled and agreed with herself. This was definitely a good way to spend the day.
Lily looked out the window and saw a cloud of birds emerge from the midst of the Forbidden Forest. There's so many. . . Something nagged at the back of her mind and she sat up, intending to walk over to the window for a better look. Bad idea. The second she sat up, her bruised ribs hollered at her and she hissed in pain, grabbing her side.
James must have psychic abilities she decided, for he was awake in an instant.
"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked very quickly. Lily smiled and took his arm as he helped her sit back against the headboard.
"Nothing. I just sat up to fast, that's all," she said while trying very hard not to wince. She looked out the window again. Birds were circling everywhere.
"James, do you see..." She gestured out the window. James gave the birds an unconcerned glance and turned back to her.
"They're just birds, Lil." The use of her nickname made her smile. James gave a small sigh of relief.
"That's my girl," he said happily. Their smiles faltered momentarily as a chill swept the room, but it was gone in seconds.
"I still can't believe you're here," Lily said shyly. Her hands fiddled with a loose thread on the coverlet. "I thought that after everything that happened before, you'd never----I mean, you wouldn't want---" Lily stopped, unsure how to finish.
James cupped her chin and tilted her face towards his. "I love you."
Lily felt she would burst from the happiness. "I love you too." She leaned into him and tasted his lips.
James felt dizzy. It was that wonderful kind of dizzy, the sort where as a child you would put your arms out and spin and spin and spin until you fell over laughing. The difference was that with Lily, he knew he would never fall.

*******************************

Sirius ran and ran, not knowing or caring where he was going. All he saw in front of his eyes was that horrible vision on the dais. . .
He burst through a line of trees and there it was! Hogwarts! The castle had never seemed more beautiful than it did right this second. Sirius swore he heard strains of the Hallelujah Chorus drifting down from the heavens and very nearly started singing along.
He bolted for Dumbledore's office. He knew the way there by heart. How many times had he and James been sent up there before detention? Sirius knew Dumbledore could fix anything. He just didn't know if Dumbledore could fix this.

He reached the stone gargoyle that led to Dumbledore's office. He then realized he didn't know the stinking password! He gave it a couple of halfhearted shoves but it naturally didn't do anything.
"I don't suppose if I just said please, you'd budge over, would you?" he asked. The gargoyle sprang up and jumped to the side, revealing the spiral staircase. Sirius blinked in complete surprise.
"Bitchin'." He made to go up the staircase but Dumbledore appeared in the entryway before he could.
"Cool. Delivery service," Sirius said hysterically. Dumbledore took in his ragged appearance and grabbed Sirius' arm.
"Where is she," the headmaster asked in a cool voice. Sirius looked up into the wizened old face and felt a sense of relief wash over him. He knew.
"I-in the forest," Sirius blurted. "There was a clearing, with stones. . . S-Sara. . ." Sirius was unable to finish.
Dumbledore gave Sirius a sharp glance. "Who else was there besides Miss Brown?"
"No one." Sirius looked at Dumbledore in surprise.
"Could you tell what happened?"
"No," Sirius said. "There was too much blood. . ." Too his surprise, he found tears stinging his eyes.
"So Sara Brown is dead then." It wasn't a question. Sirius nodded anyway and felt his throat choke up. How on earth was he going to tell Lily?
"Wait for me in my office, Sirius," Dumbledore said quietly. He guided Sirius toward the moving spiral staircase. They heard a shuffle and both heads whipped around to see a scrawny figure scurrying away from them.
"Who-" Sirius started to ask but Dumbledore cut him off sharply.
"Upstairs Sirius. Now.'' Dumbledore swept off in the direction the figure had gone, apparently following the damp trail of water said figure had left behind.
Sirius gazed at the retreating Headmaster's back for a long moment, then wearily stepped onto the stone steps and let the staircase take him slowly upward.

***********

The raven watched as Dumbledore walked slowly into the clearing, staring at the circle of stones that was once again covered in birds. He waved his hand and instantly the other birds flew back and rested in the trees, watching. The raven's eyes followed him, calculating, and waiting. He walked slowly toward the ring of stones, and the dais where Sara Brown lay.
Sirius had been right, there was blood everywhere. Much of it had come from the birds pecking at Sara's body, but she had been dead long before their arrival. The bits of skin he could see were pale with tints of blue to match her cold lips. Her eyes were open, glazed over and seeing nothing. The look on her face brought tears to Dumbledore's eyes.
The raven watched as Dumbledore removed his cloak and wrapped it around the girl's naked corpse. The thin old man had surprising strength; he actually lifted the body and left the clearing, carrying her.
The raven spread his wings and flew quickly overhead. He swept into an open window -the hospital wing- and landed high in the rafters, unnoticed. He observed the scene below him, the couple kissing. How sweet. But look closer. . . the girl was the redhead his master coveted so. The raven's dark eyes glittered. He knew Dumbledore was bringing the other girl here. Now was not the time for his master to approach the girl. Tonight, maybe, when the world would sleep. Yes, night was always better for such things. Meanwhile, the raven would wait. . . and watch. . . . .

*******

Lily broke off the kiss and buried her face in James' shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and gently tangled his fingers in her hair.
"This is the nicest part of fighting," James murmured.
"What are you talking about?" Lily asked.
"Make-up sex," he grinned.
"Oh you!" Lily gave him a half-hearted swat on his arms, which James milked to the extreme by clutching his arm and collapsing on the bed. Lily rolled her eyes and bit her cheeks to keep from laughing. James rolled around on mock pain for a few moments, the opened one eyes to sneak a peak at Lily.
"Nothin, huh?"
"Oh, you poor baby," Lily monotoned. "Here, let me help you. I'll sit here, you make a fool of yourself, life marches on."
"Isn't it great to have a routine?"
"You're such a half-wit!"
"And you're just now realizing this?! Lil' I thought you were smarter than that!"
*WHACK* James commenced rolling around again, this time clutching his other arm.
"Ow! My eye!" he cried. Lily burst out in fits of giggles.
"Git!" Lily laughed. James sat up next to her and gave her the sexiest grin she'd ever seen.
"And you love me for it, right babe?" he smirked. Lily pointed a serious finger in his face.
"Never. Call. Me. Babe." James eyed the finger warily for a moment, then tried to bite it. Lily jerked her finger back just in time.
"Hey!" Both of them laughing, James pulled her into a bear hug. Lily nestled her head under his chin as they settled back against the headboard. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Lily stirred.
"Much as I hate to break the mood--"
"Uh-oh", James muttered.
"This is serious." Lily pulled away and straightened up, looking James determinedly in the eye. He realized she had something to talk about and gave her his full attention.
"Go ahead," he encouraged.
Lily took a deep breath and plunged. "Sirius." James' jaw clenched slightly, but he merely nodded his head. He didn't say anything, so Lily ventured further.
"If you can forgive me, don't you think you should at least try to forgive him?" Lily spoke softly, not sure if James would explode or not. James heaved a great sigh.
"Is it that important to you?" he asked.
"It should be important to you," Lily emphasized. "I thought he was practically your brother." James felt his anger swell again.
"He-"
"Let his emotions get the better of him," Lily finished. "Something that happens to everyone. That doesn't change his loyalty to you."
James let her words sink in for a moment. Lily saw his face soften and leaned in until her forehead rested against his. She ran a hand through his hair and rested it on the side of his face.
"Talk to him," she whispered. James brought his hands up and cupped her face. She knew by his eyes that he would try talking to Sirius. Lily felt the last weight life off her soul.
"Oh, Lil'," he whispered. Before their lips could meet, the doors of the hospital wing creaked open. The both turned to the horrible sight in the doorway.
"Sara!" Lily cried. She tried to stand but the pain returned full strength and she collapsed back into James' arms.
Albus Dumbledore stood in the doorway, Sara in his arms. She was wrapped in a cloak, but one of her hands had fallen and was bleeding, the blood sprinkling the stone floor below.
"Oh my God," James whispered. Madame Pomfrey had come to the door of her office and stood with one hand on the door frame to steady herself. The other covered her mouth in horror.
Dumbledore walked to the nearest bed and slowly laid Sara upon it. He took a blanket from the foot of the bed and draped it across Sara, covering her face. He pulled the curtains around the bed, shutting Sara from their view.
"No, no, nonononono," Lily sobbed. James pulled her into his arms and she cried her tears into his shoulder. Dumbledore crossed to them and gently put a hand on Lily's shoulder. She turned her tear-stained face to the Headmaster's own mournful one.
"I'm so sorry, Miss Evans," he said softly. "I know she was your great friend."
"I-I don't understand," Lily cried. "Sara was such a good person! Who in their right mind would do-"
"Ah, well, there you have it," Dumbledore said. "I highly hope that this person, or persons, were not in their right mind. For if they were then I have been sadly neglect in my duties as Headmaster."
"You don't actually think a student did this?" James was aghast at the very thought. How could one of their own- The notion made James shudder.
"I wish I could say," Dumbledore said. "Unfortunately, there are other pressing matters I must attend to. If you will excuse me, Mr. Black is waiting for me in my office. I must return to him for now." Dumbledore stood to go.
"Sirius?!" James said sharply. "What's he got to do with any of this?"
Dumbledore gave James a very grave look. "He's the one who found Miss Brown."
James stared open mouth at the Headmaster for a moment, then leapt to his feet. "I'm going with you."
Dumbledore gave James an appraising look, then nodded. He turned to Madame Pomfrey and spoke in a whisper. "She will need to be. . . examined." Madame Pomfrey looked ill, but nodded.
Most unfortunately, Lily heard him and whimpered. She knew what examined meant. James turned to her with a horrified look on his face.
"Lily-girl. . . " Lily swallowed and looked him bravely in the eye.
"Go," she said firmly. James looked at her a moment, then kissed her. She clung to him; she didn't want him to go but Sirius needed him now. She pulled away.
"Go," she said again. She pushed him lightly to get him going, otherwise she would make sure he never left her side again. James lingered, grasping her hand. She gave him a wink and nodded toward the door where Dumbledore now waited. James smiled, kissed her hand briefly, then turned and strode over to Dumbledore. They left together, closing the doors behind them.
Madame Pomfrey pulled back the curtains surrounding Sara. She magiked wheels onto the legs of the bed.
"If you need anything," she said shakily, "I'll be in the room at the end of the hall. . ." she couldn't finish the sentence. Lily nodded, fresh tears running down her face. Madame Pomfrey wheeled the bed down to a small door and disappeared behind it. Lily heard the small lock click into place. She was alone in the hospital wing now.
Sara! Lily buried her face into her pillow and let the sorrow wash over her.

*******

The raven watched and timed it perfectly. She was alone now. Master could claim his wish. He flew from his perch in the rafters and soared out the window. He didn't have to go far. . .

22. The First Sacrifice

A/N: The feedback I'm getting is great! Thanks everyone! Yes, its gotten a little dark and disturbing, but that is what I write best. ;)

Chapter 20: The First Sacrifice

Severus strolled smugly out of the school and into the bright sunshine. There was a gleam of light to his right; the sunlight was reflecting off of Lucius' white blonde hair. He was sitting with Bellatrix on a stone bench in the gardens.
They looked up as Severus approached.
"Where have you been?" Bellatrix demanded.
"Sorry," Severus smiled. "An opportunity rose up that I couldn't ignore."
Lucius understood instantly what he meant and raised his eyebrows at Severus. Severus just smiled. Bellatrix looked between the two, confused.
"Hello?!" she shot at them. "Someone care to fill me in?"
"Later," Lucius said. His attention was directed toward the sky. They turned and saw a raven flying toward them. Inky black, it was a small shadow against the sunset-filled sky. It soared down and perched gently on Lucius' shoulder.
"When did you get a raven?" Severus asked.
"A gift from the Master," Lucius said smugly. "Just in case the rat turns sides again, we need something a bit more reliable anyway for spying." Lucius stroked the raven's glistening black wing. It ruffled its feathers and leaned into Lucius' ear.
Severus and Bellatrix gave each other a look. Lucius looked as if he was actually listening to the bird. But that was ridiculous, birds couldn't talk. . .
"Excellent," Lucius said as he straightened up again. He turned to Bellatrix. "Imperio!" Her eyes glazed over instantly. Severus merely looked on in surprise. He gave Lucius a questioning glance.
"I don't feel like being interrupted this time," Lucius responded to the unspoken question. "Watch her." He stood to leave.
"Oh and one more thing," he turned back to Severus," CALISTA?!"
"You get your pleasure how you will and I'll do the same," Severus said softly. He and Lucius shared a look of understanding as Lucius disappeared in the direction of the hospital wing.

*****

Peter was walking alone around the grounds. Had anyone noticed him, they would have seen he was much more fidgety than normal, even for Peter. He was also very pale and his stutter had increased to monumental proportions lately. But no one noticed Peter Pettigrew. That was the problem. Lauren O'Henry hadn't noticed him, even his fellow Marauders never really noticed him. Then the voice had come.
Oh, it had promised him wonderful things. Glory . . . power . . . the attention he had craved all his life. It had said it could make him, not as good as, but even better than James and Sirius. The thought of what could be filled him with a feverish desire to please. For two years now the voice had poisoned his mind, warped his senses, and twisted his loyalties. For the voice in his head was cunning and shrewd. It knew things. . . the Master knew things. For the voice in his head was that of the Master.
Peter shivered. He was loyal to the Master, but he sometimes missed the old days, the days before the voice had come. When he had no worries larger than how to get Lauren O'Henry to talk to him. Now. . . well, things had changed. Peter was amazed no one had found him out yet, but then again, who would notice short, fat, squeaky little Peter? Master was right, it was perfect.
A pair of dirty hands reached out, unseen and grabbed Peter. His mouth covered, Peter was dragged into the shadows of the greenhouses.

******

Calista ran all the way into her room and slammed the door behind her. She bolted the lock so the other girls couldn't get in; she needed some alone time.
She brushed her tangled hair out of her face. She was still damp from the shower, leaving a trail of water behind her. She sank onto her bed and buried her face in her pillow. Seeing Dumbledore and Sirius together had jarred her senses. What if Sirius remembers? Dumbledore is a powerful wizard, what if he removes the Memory Charm?! The memories of that night came unbidden to Calista's mind. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block them out but they came on. . .

Lucius and the others had dragged her deep into the forest. They came to a small clearing which held a ring of stone. In these stones was a large dais. Bellatrix, Severus, Rodolphus, Lucius and Rabastan took their places around the dais.
"Here," Lucius tossed her a large, hooded black robe, "put this on and stand next to Severus."
"What is going on?" she asked.
"You are about to make a choice that will change your life. Or end it, depending on what you choose to do."
Calista gulped. This was not good. She heard a squeaking noise behind her and turned.
"Ah," Rodolphus said. "Right on time."
The sight was bewildering: Sirius Black and Sara Brown were floating towards her. It looked like they were both sleeping, then they passed more fully into the moonlight and she saw the bite marks that covered their bodies. Behind them, Peter Pettigrew emerged, wand out and pulling on his own black robe. Wait--Peter Pettigrew?! He was a Gryffindor and Sirius. . .
The source of the squeaking noise was a large swarm of rats milling about beneath the lolling bodies of Sara and Sirius. She swallowed the bile she felt rise to her throat. This was definitely not good.
The girl," a high, cold voice said behind her. Calista turned and stared at a tall figure that had materialized out of nowhere. Dressed in robes very similar to the ones she and the others now wore, the only difference was the red rune designs drawn on the hem of this man's robes. She couldn't see his face, his hood was drawn. All she could see of him was his hands, long and white.
She was confused; Apparition wasn't possible on the Hogwarts grounds! So where. . .
"Shhh," Severus whispered to her. He pointed at the space next to him and glared at her. She reluctantly obeyed; following orders was apparently going to keep her in one piece.
"SO, we have a new face, do we?" the tall figure said. He approached her and reached out one white, spider-like hand towards her. She shrank back.
"Seems a bit too timid, don't you think?" he asked Severus.
"I beg pardon, Master. She knows too much." The response came from Lucius. She saw him bow his head to the tall figure. Master? "She is weak, and expendable." Oh, crap.
"We'll see." The figure approached her once again and reached out a hand. She looked up into the darkness that was his face and beheld two glowing eyes, red as blood and bright as flame. She felt like fainting, but was determined to stand her ground. If these were to be her last moments, she would not have them by lying on the ground.
The figure laughed softly; clearly, he could hear her thoughts. She ticked a glance at Severus.
"Yes, Severus and I do have that in common," the figure said softly. "Lord Voldemort expects nothing but the best in his followers."
Voldemort. The name sent chills down her spine, but she squared her chin bravely.
"So why is Pettigrew here then?" she said defiantly. The figure laughed, Bellatrix smothered a giggle and Severus smirked at her. She felt his appreciation and it made her want to vomit.
"Wormtail serves his purpose," said Voldemort. "The girl, Wormtail." Peter directed Sara's body until she was resting on the dais. He then led Sirius body away from the circle and conjured thick robes that tied him to a tree. Peter then took his place between Lucius and Rabastan.
"You have two options my dear." She realized Voldemort was speaking to her. "Join me, and serve reluctantly but faithfully. Or say your goodbyes now. I have worked too hard to have my plans ruined by a child."
She bristled, she was no child! He saw. "Good. Very good," he spoke softly. "Come." He gestured to her and she followed him until she was standing next to the dais. Voldemort stood behind her and began to speak.
"Join the path of the ones most noble. Pure-bloods, the true strength of wizard-kind. Let us free ourselves from Mudbloods and Muggle-lovers! Let us gather as one and purge the world of those unworthy to claim the name wizard."
The others were chanting lowly, she couldn't make out the words. She looked around and saw Bellatrix, her eyes glowing with excitement. Lucius had his eyes glued to the dais. Rodolphus and Rabastan were nearly jumping on the spot. Peter had his eyes closed tight while he muttered. He looked as terrified as she felt. Severus had his eyes on her again. She felt dirty.
"Do not deny Severus," Voldemort spoke quietly in her ear. "Nor any of them, lest I be displeased. They were my firsts here. You have an age to go before I grant you the same as I do them." She nodded, unable to speak.
She looked back down at the dais. Sara was beginning to stir.
Something hard and cold was pressed into her hand. A long, thin, dagger with the jeweled handle of a serpent.
"To join, there must be a willingness to obey" Voldemort said. She looked at him uncomprehending.
"Everything comes with a price. We must make sacrifices." He put an emphasis on the last word and she understood. No. . .
"You or her. Choose."
She looked down at Sara, whose eyes were beginning to flutter. She couldn't do this, she wanted to be away from here, snug in her bed, anywhere! Not here, lifting the knife over her head. No, no, no. . .
It was like time slowed down. She saw the people around her, eyes gleaming. They weren't people, they were monsters, and she with them now. She saw the rats guarding Sirius, biting and clawing still. Blood was pouring down him like rain. There was a raven perched on a branch above him, was it watching her? The Master was close enough behind her she could feel his breath on her neck like a winter's chill.
"You or her."
She looked. She didn't want to, but it was her or Sara. She gripped the knife handle, high above her head. Sara's eyes popped open and stared directly into hers. The knife came down.

Calista bit her pillow to hide the scream. No, no, no, no, no. . .

23. The Darkness of Anger

Chapter 21: The Darkness of Anger

Lily sobbed into her pillow. I should have gone with her from the lake. Would have saved me some troubles too. She felt instant remorse at her selfish thoughts. Sara's death was not the time to bark!! about her own troubles. Her best friend was gone forever, and the worst part was she hadn't been there to help.
She just couldn't believe that Sara wouldn't be around to play pranks on the Kings of Pranks themselves, James and Co. Even though her pranks had never worked, she still tried. Sara had never given up on anything. It was something Lily had admired about her.
Memories of Sara ran through her head: Sara bursting in on her reading on the train and introducing herself by asking Lily if she wanted her to style her hair. . . holding her hand while they waited to be sorted into their Houses, then cheering when they both made Gryffindor. . . stealing candy from Honeydukes for them to eat during midnight study sessions. . . watching movies over the summer. . . . . . helping Lily cheat at chess so she could beat Petunia for a change. . . . . drooling over Sirius. . . . letting Lily cry when Petunia made fun of her again. . . . .showing up this year with her blonde hair ridiculously streaked with red and black. . . .cheering and laughing about James Potter.
And now Sara was nothing but a lifeless body being "examined" by Madame Pomfrey. Lily cried harder at the thought of her best friend being cut up and looked at like she had been nothing. She'd been a person! Sara wasn't something to be examined and poked at! This was the worst feeling ever, worse than hearing Petunia taunt her and taunt her until she finally broke and cried. Worse than seeing James' face after she and Sirius had kissed. Even worse than how she felt after running away from Malfoy at the lake. She was dying herself, slowly, from the inside out.

***************

Peter struggled against his captor, but whoever was holding him was exceptionally strong. They had him about his face and chest, pinning his arms against his sides.
The shadows by the greenhouses were long, the area deserted. No one would see them.
"You son of a bitch!!." The voice spoke harsh, but Peter knew it instantly. His captor's arms finally released him and Peter spun around to face a very angry Remus Lupin, silhouetted against the dusky red sky of sunset.

**************

Lily finally rolled over and faced the ceiling, letting the last of her tears roll down her cheeks. She felt puffy-faced from all the crying she had done recently. She lay back against the pillows, one hand by her face, as she stared morosely about. Time had flown, it was once again sunset.
She heard the doors open and she closed her eyes, feigning sleep. Go away, whoever you are. I don't care, just let me sleep. She heard a click, then a clinking rustle of what sounded like. . . Chains?
Lily opened her eyes. She was facing the end of the hall and saw that heavy silver chains crisscrossed the door where Madame Pomfrey had disappeared with Sara's body, locking her in the little room. Lily turned her head. Lucius Malfoy was standing by the now-locked doors leading from the outside. They were alone together, trapped. The look in his eyes was very familiar and Lily felt the fear return as he began to move towards her.

************

Dumbledore and James walked quickly through the halls, not paying any heed to the hails of students and staff as they passed. He hadn't said so, but James felt a sense of urgency from Dumbledore, like they were the last pieces of sand in an hourglass about to fall.
The sky burned in hues of pink and orange above them. Sunset was upon the world again. It amazed James. His personal world was collapsing, yet nature spun as normal. He stopped suddenly as a thought occurred to him. Moony. "Damnit," he muttered.
James realized Dumbledore was looking at him. "Sorry," he muttered. "It's just that--"
"Yes, I'm aware your thoughts are with Mr. Lupin. Unfortunately, we don't have the time to worry about that right now."
James hesitated. He had a feeling. . . Dumbledore gave him a kind look.
"Remus will be alright," he said softly. "Come if you're coming."
James nodded and followed once more. He took one more glance at the sun. The last of the burning red disk was barely visible above the mountain tops.

***************

"You son of a bitch," Remus said again. He shoved Peter against the greenhouse so hard the glass shook. Peter's eyes darted about, trying to find an escape route. The fury in Remus' eyes was burning fire and in the last light of the sun they glowed red, just like. . .
"W-w-w-what ar-re you t-t-t-t-t-t-t-talk-king ab-b-bout, R-Remus?" His usual mild stutter was almost out of control.
"I saw you," Remus hissed. His voice lashed at Peter like the crack of a whip.
"S-s-saw m-m-m-m-me w-where? I-I've been here all d-d-day-"
"Last night. In the woods. With all your slithery friends. You bloody traitor!" Remus advanced on him slowly. His hands were balled into fists and he was shaking with anger.
Peter's eyes widened as he realized that Remus must have been loose on the grounds and had stumbled upon the horrible ceremony in the clearing.
Remus grabbed Peter by his throat. "How could you?!" he growled. "Sara was an innocent--" Remus put his head down and began to shake even harder.
Peter tried to choke out Remus' name but Peter couldn't breathe, his throat was being squeezed so tight. Fingernails were digging into Peter's throat; he felt blood trickling down his neck. Remus doesn't have long fingernails. . .
Peter glanced at the dark sky. The sun was gone. The hair on Remus' hands itched Peter's skin. Fear increased as Peter realized Remus wasn't shaking from anger. He was shaking because. . .
Remus raised his head to the sky and let out an earth-shattering howl. Peter was trapped with a 9 foot tall, hungry, pissed off werewolf.

24. Attack in the Night

A/N: OK, this is the part where I had to do some extreme editing for Portkey. I extend my apologies, but it simply couldn't be helped. I did my best to make the following chapter as coherent as possible. The editing is what took me so long: trying to take parts out was killer to me. This is my baby, after all. But I managed it, so here it is. I made it a bit longer than I normally do since it's been so long between updates.

Remember, I finished writing this story in January, and on other sites I've already finished posting it. Portkey is a late discovery of mine however (thanks Michie!) so we're only about halfway through it. We have so many more chapters to go before we reach the end, so never fret! There is much much more to come, and I appreciate all comments. The more feedback I get, the better. My thanks to all of you. :)Enough of me talking, lets get to the good stuff!

Chapter 22: Attack in the Night

The halls were very dark. James and Dumbledore reached the stone gargoyle that hid the entrance to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore opened his mouth to give the password when an unearthly howl split the air. Both men whipped around to scan over the Hogwarts' grounds. That was a very familiar howl, and much louder than it normally was. They both knew instantly what it meant.
"Oh my god," James whispered.

***************

Sirius felt like he'd been sitting in the dark for ages, with his head in his hands, in the comfortable armchair in Dumbledore's office. He saw nothing, he heard nothing. His mind ached with the turmoil of the past weeks, especially the past few hours. Lost in the woods, then finding Sara like he had . . . and he didn't even have Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail anymore to help him get through this. He'd never felt so lost and alone in his life.
Surely, life at seventeen wasn't supposed to be this hard! He'd thought all he had to worry about was finishing school and surviving N.E.W.T.'s. Was this adulthood, then? This massive tangled web of lies and deceit, trials and tribulations, and horror after horror? If this was what it was to be grown up, then he sorely wished Peter Pan would fly in the window and take him far, far way to NeverNeverLand, just like in the children's books. Screw adulthood and all the shit that came along with it.
Oh, how he yearned for a Time Turner. To be able to go back and do things over again. If he could change things, maybe . . . . . but why go back? What was the point of it all?
Sirius had gone through much in the past weeks. He'd experienced joy, desire, love, regret, sorrow, pity, fear, and anger. Just about every human emotion possible, he'd felt it. Now, at the final moment, he found himself on the brink of despair, with no way out.

***************

Peter knew he had one chance of escape. If the wolf's claws didn't squeeze the life out of him, his jaws would tear him to pieces.
He transformed into the creature he'd become inside and out. In rat form, he fell to the ground and wriggled into the greenhouse through a small hole between glass and the iron frame. The werewolf's claws slammed hopelessly against glass, missing Wormtail by inches.
Wormtail scuttled under the tables lined with pots of Mandrakes. Once safely inside and a good distance away from the glass walls, he returned to his simpering human form.
Remus banged repeatedly against the glass when he saw him (Peter) standing by the tables. Peter rushed over and locked the door. Phew! I'm inside, he's out. He'll wander away eventually.
An ominous silence fell. Peter turned to look; Remus had gone. Peter cautiously tiptoes back over to where he'd been. He didn't see the wolf anywhere. He leaned over the table and looked as hard as he could in both directions. It was very dark now, but he didn't see anything anywhere. Peter sighed in relief. Safe.
Peter jerked back and hit the ground just in time. The glass wall gave way under the weight of the enormous werewolf as Remus jumped through with a snarl. Glass shards fell over Peter as Remus landed on the table with a thud and howled in triumph, drowning out Peter's screams.

*******************

Lily opened her eyes. She was facing the end of the hall and saw that heavy silver chains crisscrossed the door where Madame Pomfrey had disappeared with Sara's body, locking her in the little room. Lily turned her head. Lucius Malfoy was standing by the now-locked doors leading from the outside. They were alone together, trapped. The look in his eyes was very familiar and Lily felt the fear return as he began to move towards her.
Lily rolled over and off the bed, away from Lucius. The full extent of her injuries was made known to her at that moment and she collapsed on the floor, writhing in pain. She heard his footsteps growing nearer and frantically tried to crawl to safety.
Harsh hands grabbed her hair and pulled her roughly to her feet. She gasped as the muscles in her legs gave out. She was now being held up only by Lucius' firm grasp. Her eyes watered in pain as Lucius' forced her head back until she was looking in his cold eyes.
"This time is for everything,” he hissed.

****************

This is it. Goodbye, cruel world. Under normal circumstances, Peter's dramatics would have seemed ridiculous as usual, but in this instance he wasn't far off. Peter opened his eyes to see the cold, snarling face of the wolf bearing down on him, his snout mere inches from Peter's nose. Vicious eyes gleamed as the lips drew back to reveal sharp, glistening teeth. Spittle drooled onto Peter's face.
Remus was seconds from tearing apart Peter's chubby face. Peter whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the moment those razor-like teeth would rip into his skin. It never came.
There were noises in the darkness, a crash. Peter heard what sounded like a whimper from Remus, then a thud. The werewolf's hot breath was no longer blowing in his face. Peter chanced a peek with one eye. The table Remus had been on was overturned. The wolf was on his side, breathing deep. His eyes were closed.
Peter turned and saw Dumbledore and James striding over to them.
"Wormtail! Are you all right?" James stretched a hand out and helped Peter to his feet.
"Yeah," Peter gasped. "I'm fine. Maybe. I think my heart's gone and run off on me, did you happen to see it around anywhere?"
James gave a shaky laugh. The sight of the huge wolf bearing down on tiny Peter had been terrifying. They looked over to where Dumbledore was leaning over the apparently unconscious wolf.
"Is he--"
"He'll be all right," Dumbledore said. He enchanted the wolf to float in the air, much like Peter had done, unbeknownst to the others, to his fellow students last night. "I'll take him to the Shrieking Shack. Go to my office, both of you," Dumbledore ordered. His gaze fell on James, who nodded, and on Peter, whose insides were squirming.
"I promise you, Remus will be fine," Dumbledore said softly. "Now go."
Damn. You couldn't have finished him off for me Peter thought savagely. James, completely unaware of Peter's thoughts, put what he thought was a comforting arm around Peter.
"We heard the howls and came running," James said. "You sure you're all right, mate?"
Peter nodded, his eyes on the retreating figures, shadows in the dark now. He had a huge problem to fix now. Lucius was going to kill him for this.
"C'mon, let's get out of here," James said. "Sirius is waiting for us in Dumbledore's office." Peter snapped to attention.
Sirius! Shit! What if he . . . dear god. Peter was near frantic. This could mean very big trouble.
"You should never have been out here, Pete," James said. "What if Dumbledore and I hadn't come along? You'd be werewolf food by now, my friend."
"I can take care of myself," Peter shot angrily. James quickly removed his arm from Peter as though he'd been shot.
"All right, don't get mad at me," James said, stung.
"I-I. . . sorry, Prongs." Peter changed tacks swiftly; it wouldn't do for his true feelings to emerge. "I'm just a bit frazzled, I suppose."
"Sure, Wormtail, who wouldn't be?" James' voice told Peter all was not quite forgiven, but it didn't matter. Damage control had to be done about Sirius, and fast.

Calista plunged the knife straight into Sara's heart. Sara's eyes opened wide and her scream echoed through the trees. She was not the only one.
Peter turned, hearing another voice ring with Sara's. Sirius was awake, though bound and gagged as he was, his cry didn't have the effect as Sara's did. But the look on his face was no less terrified. Sirius' eyes left the dais and scanned the faces of the people surrounding it. His eyes locked with Peter's. His stomach squiggled inside him, but he did not look away.
A thousand emotions seemed to gleam in Sirius' eyes: shock, hurt, reproachful ness, fear. 'Yeah, so what?' Peter thought. 'I'm not so little anymore no am I?'
Peter turned away and refocused his attention to the dais. Sara was squirming under the knife, crying out in pain for someone to help. Calista wrenched the knife from the girl's chest, raised it high and brought it swiftly down again, this time into Sara's abdomen. Over and over Calista repeated the ritual, seeming fueled by an unknown fire inside her.
Peter heard heavy breathing. He glanced over and saw Severus; his eyes alight with glee as they focused on Calista's face.
'He enjoys this,' Peter thought. 'Sick.' The others were just as bad. Bellatrix was almost dancing with joy, indeed, laughter bubbled from her lips.
Only the hooded figure behind Calista seemed calm. He made no movements, spoke no words. He simply watched as Calista slashed the life, body and soul of Sara Brown to pieces. Long after the girl's screams stopped Calista still delivered her blows.
Peter looked down. The rats he had gathered for the bringing were scampering at the edge of the wave of blood pouring off the dais. He looked closer. They were licking at the blood with their pointed tongues, squeaking excitedly. peter felt nauseous.
Calista finally stopped. Watching her face, it seemed she was waking up from a dream. Her eyes focused on the scene around her as she gasped for breath. The knife fell onto the stone dais with a ringing 'clink' and she stepped away, looking around her in growing horror. She backed straight into the arms of the shadowy figure behind her. Startled, she looked into his face.
Peter almost felt sorry for her. He remembered looking into the same face after performing this exact ritual on Lauren O'Henry two years ago. It was not a pretty sight.
"Well done, my dear. Well done indeed." The sound of his voice still sent chills down Peter's spine. Voldemort stretched out one long finger and brushed Calista's left arm. Suddenly, it clamped on her forearm with what Peter knew to be surprising strength. Smoke filtered out from beneath those skeletal fingers as a hissing sound filled the air. Calista was the one screaming this time, trying to wrench herself free from Voldemort's grasp.
It was over soon, and he let Calista go. She slumped on the ground, clutching her arm and sobbing."
Voldemort's hood turned in the direction of Severus.
"Teach her," he said. Severus nodded, a lewd smirk on his face.
In a wisp of smoke, Voldemort had vanished. A raven flew high into the air. As its wings flapped, one feather floated gently down and landed near Lucius.
As the others turned to Sirius, Peter heard a chirping and glanced at Lucius. Where the feather had fallen, a small featherless baby bird now lay. No, not featherless. It was changing before Peter's eyes, feathers sprouting from its pink skin, growing larger every second. Lucius scooped the bird up and placed it gently in the folds of his robe. He winked at Peter, who could only look back in awe.
A groan brought Peter's attention back to the circle. He turned, Rodolphus had sucker-punched Sirius in the gut, and the slammed a right hook into his face. Sirius was knocked out again.

"If Sirius remembers anything, I've got big problems," Peter muttered quietly. James didn't hear. Peter had to ditch him somehow. He needed to find one of them, fast.

********************

Calista buried her head into her soggy pillow. Hours of tears had soaked into the cotton, making it smell like fish, oddly enough, but she didn't care. What were luxuries to her when her life was a ruin?
The locked door burst open. She didn't feel like talking. Luckily, the green velvet curtains that adorned her bed were drawn so no one could see her. She stayed quiet, hoping that whoever it was would leave her alone.
Her arm was burning where he'd touched her. Calista pulled up the sleeve of her robe to gaze upon the black burn the Master had scorched into her skin.
The Master. . . her mind had already forgotten the use of his true name. She was too afraid to use it.
"So, you've joined the club." It was the other girl. It was a familiar voice, Calista screwed up her face trying to place it. It had to be someone close to one of the others; they obviously knew what was going on. The voice continued, low and velvety soft.
"Did you kill her then? The Brown girl? Served her right, consorting with Mudbloods and werewolves and the like."
Calista's face burned at the mention of Remus. He's better than all of them combined.
"You did a good thing, Calista." The last nerve had been struck. Calista tore open the hangings of her bed.
"What do you--" she stopped. The girl was sitting at a vanity table, a silver comb brushing long blonde tresses. Narcissa. Her piercing hazel eyes met Calista's in the mirror.
"I'm not one. I will be soon enough.," she smiled. Her smile was beautiful, yet cold, empty. Sad. It was the smile of one who has no choice but to either live the life that has been chosen for her, or not live at all.
"Lucius." Calista said simple. Narcissa merely nodded.
"Why do it then?" Calista wanted to know. Something in her told her Narcissa was a kindred spirit, drawn into this life against her will.
"What choice do I have?" Narcissa was not unkind, but her voice told Calista she was a simpleton not to have seen the obvious.
"Why don't you run?" Calista said softly. If Narcissa can run, maybe. . .
Narcissa laughed hollowly and put down her comb. "Run? Where to? Where on earth can I go that the Blacks will not find me?" There was silence as Calista took that in.
"And where, too, can you run that the Dark Mark will not follow you?" Narcissa's velvet voice invaded Calista's ears. She was almost distracted by the musical resonance Narcissa's voice held, but the words cut deep.
"Close your heart, Calista, or you will just give them one more thing to destroy. They're like locusts, destroying everything in their path until there's nothing left to ruin. Only then will they finish each other. Then, maybe, the world will find peace. Until then, survive. Do what you have to, cut out whom you must. Caring about anyone will only ruin their life. That's what we are now." A single tear coursed its way down Calista's cheek. She'd never known this side of Narcissa; she'd always thought her a younger version of her sister, Bellatrix. Surely this wasn't to always be her life?
"We're trapped, you see. Isn't it something to be the pawns in the grand designs of others?"
Calista just stared into Narcissa's sad eyes in the mirror.
They held each other's gaze for moments before Narcissa blinked and broke the connection. She picked up her brush again, running its fingers through her hair. Now her eyes were cold and hard, nothing in them but the pure-blood snobbery that was the Black family disease.
"Live with it."
A sob choked Calista's throat. "I can't," she whispered. Narcissa met her eyes again in the mirror and odd expression filled her face. Was it pity?
Calista watched as she reached into a drawer of her vanity and pulled out a long, thin blood red leather box. There was silver stitching on it. Narcissa stood and walked over to the bed where Calista sat. She stood, looking down at the shivering Calista who gazed back with eyes that glistened with tears.
"Then do the one thing I haven't the strength to do." Narcissa said softly. She held out the box to Calista, who took it cautiously and turned it over in her hands.
"Don't live." Calista looked once at Narcissa's expressionless face, then back at the box. She opened it and saw: its handle jeweled in tiny emeralds and adorned with the Black family crest, the pencil thin dagger glistening on silver silk.

25. Rescue and Reunion

A/N: Yeah, remember how I said that I made the last chapter kinda long? It ended up not looking so long on Portkey so here is something to really satisfy you guys! (Hopefully) Again, major scissors to this chapter, but hopefully you guys still like it.

Chapter 23: Rescue and Reunion

Lily sighed contentedly. She was lying on the grass with James, watching big puffy clouds float overhead. James had one arm behind his head, the other was circled around Lily, his fingers tracing small circles on her back. His touch sent delicious tingles throughout her body and she snuggled closer to him.
"We can just stay like this forever, right?" she asked him.
"I wish we could, love." James sounded sad. Why should he be sad? Nothing was wrong with today.
"I love it here,” Lily said.
"I know you do," James replied. "But you have to go back soon."
"Go where? I don't have to go anywhere," Lily said. James didn't reply to her but she felt his body tense slightly.
"Oh, can't we just stay here a while longer?" Lily begged. She really didn't want to go. "I don't like it there anymore." She looked to her left. A huge, dark, menacing black mist covered all the land to her left. She could just make out the silhouette of Hogwarts hidden in the midst of the gloom.
"Please, James, just a bit longer!" Lily turned back to him. His eyes left the clouds and found hers. She gave him her best pathetic puppy dog face, knowing he'd never resist her.
James sighed. "Just a bit longer," he said. Lily smiled and kissed his cheek, then nestled into his shoulder again. She looked out at the gleaming lake. The giant squid was floating dead on the water and all the tentacles had Lucius' face and they were reaching for her. It didn't matter. James was with her and nothing bad could ever touch her as long as she had James.
James could simply ask the squid to leave her alone. Couldn't it see they were happy? The squid's many legs shot out and wrapped themselves around her legs. It was dragging her toward the water, but it wasn't water anymore, it's had turned to blood. She didn't want to go in a lake full of blood, it would make her dirty.
Why didn't James help her? She turned and reached out for him but James was gone. Lily was alone. The squid was pulling harder, her legs were in the lake now. She scratched frantically at the ground but found only sand. It drifted through her fingers and left long welts marking her path.
She was into her waist now. Lily could feel the suction cups pulling on her skin, she was screaming but making no noise -

Malfoy had put a silencing charm on her. Even though it was over, he still didn't lift it. She didn't look at him as he put his clothes back on. She just huddled in a fetal position on the bed, buried her face in the pillow and tried not to cry any more. She was failing miserably.
Her entire body ached. She was covered in bruises and welts; he'd been very rough with her. She hated this feeling, this sickening sensation of being weak, being helpless. Without her wand and her strength, all she'd felt she had left was her dignity and now Malfoy had taken that too.
"Not bad for a Mudblood." His harsh tones cut through the mist in her mind like a razor. Lily lifted her head and stared reproachfully into Malfoy's face. He smirked at her.
"Aww, don't feel bad, Evans. You're not the best I ever had, but you sure do taste good." He grabbed her head and licked his tongue up the side of her face while she squirmed beneath him.
Lily wrenched herself out of his grasp while he chuckled softly. It was a vile sound. Lily wanted to attack him, to hurt him, yet she knew he'd take her again before she could land a single punch. Her ribs were digging into her lungs. Everything hurt so bad. She scooted up against the bed post and curled into a ball. You got what you wanted, you sick freak, now go away.
"Look at the poor baby Evans," he mocked. "Oh so sad! Let's put you out of your misery, shall we?"
Lily looked up in fear. Malfoy had pulled out his wand.
"You honestly didn't think I'd leave you to tattle on me, did you?"
Lily's crouching form was swallowed up in Lucius Malfoy's shadow as he advanced on her for the last time.

**********

James spun his head around. He could have sworn he heard someone call his name, but no one was there. He and Peter were making their way to Dumbledore's office when he'd heard the voice. It had sounded just like--
"Lily," James whispered. How many things can go wrong in one day?
He quickly changed direction and bolted toward the hospital wing.
"James!" Peter yelled. "Oi, JAMES!" James kept running. Something was horribly wrong and he had the sinking sensation it was too late.

**************

Peter watched James run off. Whatever. The fate of Lily Evans meant nothing to him. He glanced around; there was no one. Slowly, he turned back into the rat form that he was actually more comfortable in. The fat fur ball scuttled off into the shadows, silent as a whisper. He had things to do.

**************

Lily shrank back against the bed as Lucius advanced on her. She had no hope of getting away without her wand, they both knew it. His eyes twinkled; the sick pervert was enjoying the thought of having enough power to end her life.
The tip of Malfoy's wand began to glow with a fierce light as it moved closer to her face.. Lily closed her eyes, surrendering. Giving herself over to the inevitability of death. . .
To a Malfoy?! Her sister's voice suddenly rang in her mind, taunting her.
Some witch you turned out to be. What good are you if you can't even save yourself?
Lily's eyes opened, their color suddenly fierce and strong. Before Malfoy could blink, she had reached out and grasped his wand wrist with a strength she didn't know she had. Lily forced the wand away from herself, her other hand reached out and clawed at Malfoy's face. Using her nails, she left deep scratches across his aristocratic features. Lucius grabbed her wrist and slammed her back onto the bed. Lily used the last of her strength and brought her knee up and into him. Malfoy released her, doubled over and groaned in pain. Lily rolled out from under him and hit the floor, crawling under the bed.
Her muscles were screaming with pain. Black spots were bursting in front of her eyes; she was about to pass out. She saw Malfoy's expensive shoes hit the floor, and then she saw his knees, his thighs, his lower torso. Finally his bleeding face appeared, peering under the bed. Lily slammed his nose with the heel of her palm and heard a satisfying crunch under her hand. Malfoy shrieked but managed to reach in and grab her arm. He yanked her from under the bed and brought her to her knees before him.
"How dare you!" he snarled at her. " Do you have any idea what I could do to you for this?"
Lily raised her eyes to his face. "What else can you do that you haven't already done?" she mouthed at him, still unable to speak.
Lucius roared in rage, he tossed her to the floor and raised his wand.
"Crucio!" Lily had never felt pain like this. Her skin was being pierced by a thousand tiny needles, yet there were monsters tearing at her insides, pulling her apart piece by piece. She wanted to cry and scream for James, Sirius, anybody, but she couldn't do anything but scream soundlessly, trapped inside a soundproof glass cage no one could feel or see.
There was a burst of bright white light accompanied by a low rumbling sound. The very floor shook beneath her. Suddenly the pain was gone. Gasping for breath, Lily opened her eyes to see James sprint through the broken hangings that had been the entryway doors. He sent a jet of fire out of his wand towards Lucius, who ducked and spun away.
Lily couldn't hear what they were saying, there was a loud ringing in her ears that would not fade. Lucius sent a flare of green light hurtling towards James; it was the Avada Kedavra--Lily tried to cry out but could not-- but a hand reached out and pulled James out of the way. The killing curse hit the stone wall, leaving a large scorch mark. Lucius screamed in fury and looked to see who had pulled James out of the way.
Sirius.
Sirius stood by James, his own wand out, eyes blaring. James looked at him briefly; Sirius nodded and pushed James slightly forward. James grinned and turned to face Malfoy.
It was two on one. No matter. Lucius could take on two silly Gryffindors.
James and Sirius walked farther into the room, wands at dueling position. Malfoy raised his own wand, ready for the fight.
Black spots were still dancing in front of Lily's eyes, the world was tilting in crazy directions, but she did her best to keep her eyes open. Those were her boys fighting for her, she had to stay awake for them. She could hear Madame Pomfrey pounding on the door that held her captive, but she was still trapped behind the chains. She could do nothing.
Two more figures appeared in the doorway. Lily almost smiled. Her havoc wreaking twins had come to play. Autumn and Spike took their positions on either side of Sirius and James and pulled out their own wands.
Lucius backed against the wall. Two on one was one thing, but four. . .
He made up his mind instantly. Blue circles of fire were sent spinning to the floor, sending shockwaves throughout the room. The floor and walls shook as in an earthquake, the four Gryffindors were jolted off their feet. Lucius darted through them and fled out the door.
The second he left the room, the shaking ceased. All took deep breaths of relief; Malfoy was stronger than they had believed. Autumn turned to Lily, saw her trying to speak. Autumn raised her wand. "Finite."
Lily's screams echoed through the cavernous room, bouncing off the stone walls and traveling back to them. James ran to her and knelt by her side. He hesitated; she was hurt in so many places he was afraid to touch her.
"Lily. . . oh god Lily. . ." James felt helpless. He didn't know what to do for her. A tap on his shoulder, Spike had unfastened his cloak and was holding it out to James. James took it and gently draped it across Lily, who was shivering on the cold floor, her breath hitching with sobs.
"Shhhh, love it's all right," he soothed her. "I'm here, Sirius is here, the twins are here and we won't let him near you again. Everything's all right. . . "
James lifted Lily into his arms. He tried his very best to be careful, but she still cried out when he touched her. James carried her to the nearest bed, aware of Sirius on his heels.
Sirius pulled back the bedcovers and James lay Lily down, slowly, carefully. There was a hissing sound. Autumn and Spike were melting the chain links that barred Madam Pomfrey from the room. Turning back to Lily, he brushed her hair back and dabbed at the blood trickling down her cheek. Lily's body involuntarily twitched when she felt James brush her face.
It's James, It's just James, he won't hurt you. . . Lily couldn't help it, she burst into silent tears and buried her face in her hands.
James felt himself melt, he wanted to help her but she had closed herself off to him. Sirius was standing over his shoulder. James looked at him and saw his own despair mirrored in his friend's face. Their eyes met and a thousand unspoken thoughts passed between them.
"My God!" Madam Pomfrey arrived panting at Lily's bedside and stopped in horror when she saw the girl's condition. "Out. All of you, out!"
James and Sirius both opened their mouths in protest, but Autumn cut them off.
"Guys," she said sharply. She turned to her friend Lily and gently knelt down until she was level with the other girl's face. "We'll be right back, Lil'," she said as she touched Lily's hand. "We promise." Lily nodded, tears leaking out from her tightly closed eyes. Autumn squeezed her hand, then stood. She walked toward the shattered doors, the three boys behind her. James and Sirius both paused, not wanting to leave Lily like this.
"She'll be all right." Autumn spoke quietly.
"That's what we thought last time," James said. He turned and met Autumn's eyes. She gazed back, then nodded.
"Then we'll wait here in the hall," she said. Spike grunted in agreement and fingered his wand. Sirius took James' arm.
"C'mon, Prongs," he said softly.
"How did you know?" James whispered.
Sirius looked at him for a long moment. "How did you?"
James blinked back tears, then pulled his best friend into a fierce hug. Sirius hugged him back, their friendship restored by the same reason it had broken: Lily.

*****************

Severus had Bellatrix by the arm and was gently guiding her back to the Slytherin common room. They stepped through the door and were in the narrow hallway when Bellatrix blinked several times. Severus stopped, weary, and saw her eyes come back into focus.
"So much for that," Severus muttered.
"What--how--" Bellatrix looked around her, then her eyes narrowed and she sucked in her breath in a venomous hiss. "Lucius." She was shaking. "That sleazy son of a -"
"Now Bella," Severus started. "This does us no good at all."
"HE CURSED ME!" Her whispering was almost as effective as if she had screamed. Severus backed into the wall. Trapped in a narrow hall with a very angry Bellatrix Black was not a good place to be.
"That little... ooo, I'll kill him for this! How long has it been?" she demanded, wheeling around to Snape.
"Hours," he said quietly. "I think he went to finish what he started."
Bellatrix's eyes widened. "He's out of his mind," she stated flatly. "He thinks he can get away with anything because he's the Master's favorite. You watch," she said, pointing a shaking finger at Severus, "he'll ruin all the Master's plans because of his lust for a filthy Mudblood and we'll all end up in Azkaban for it." She seemed afraid and Severus knew why. If Evans lived, she would tell Dumbledore of her ordeal. They themselves would be incriminated because of their association with Lucius. The only way out of this was for Lucius to kill Evans after he had his way with her. Unfortunately, another obvious murder at Hogwarts was not what the Dark Lord had in mind. Lucius was risking an awful lot to satisfy his greed.
His thoughts were broken by the sound of approaching footsteps. He and Bellatrix turned and saw Calista heading for the doorway.
"Going somewhere?" Bellatrix asked.
"Obviously," Calista said vaguely. Her mind was elsewhere. Severus looked at her sharply: her feet were bare, her clothes were rumpled, her eyes red and bloodshot. She didn't look at either of her classmates. She just left, out the door without another word.
"She'll crack," Bellatrix said.
"She won't," Severus replied softly. She better not. She's mine now, and she had better remember that.

******************************

Calista slowed her pace once she was out of the castle. The moonlight night showed the ruins of the greenhouse, pieces of glass twinkling in the light tiny stars. She walked mindlessly, heedless of the shards cutting her feet.
She thought of Narcissa, of the conversation they'd had. Bellatrix and Lucius would be furious with her if they knew she had said the things she had said. Narcissa had obviously gone to great lengths to reach out to Calista, the question was, why? So she could kill herself?!
The knife sat in its box between the mattress and box spring of Calista's bed. She thought of it now, its smooth handle cold in her hand. She imagined bringing the glistening blade down into her flesh, just as she had done to the Brown girl--
Calista jerked convulsively. Don't think about that. her mind ordered harshly. She agreed with herself, her mind had dwelt on that long enough for today.
She felt bad about the incident, but in all honesty did not miss the girl at all. She had never liked Sara Brown. So that makes killing her all right, then? Calista caught herself, horrified. My god, she was making excuses for committing murder! Is this who she really was?
Her mind drifted again. She had ignored the plight of Lily Evans because of her jealousy towards the other girl. Then, the murder of Sara Brown, receiving the Dark Mark, letting Severus take her like he had-- bile rose instantly in her throat. She was nearly sick where she stood.
A monster. She was a monster. No. . . she was much worse. She was just like them.
She finally looked up from the ground. Her feet had carried her all the way here, past the school gates, down the beaten path to Hogsmede, up the hill to this place. The Shrieking Shack.
She stood silently, gazing at the front door. Remus was in there. No, a werewolf was in there. How tempting it suddenly seemed, to go in and let the one she loved finish her pain for her.
Loved? Her mind twitched and focused on that word. It simply wasn't possible. Calista had never loved anyone or anything in her life, how could she harbor feeling towards a werewolf?!
Narcissa's admonitions came back to haunt her. Loving would only give them cause to hurt her. Even if it was true, even if she did love Remus, she could do nothing. His life would be over, and his was the one life she couldn't bring herself to end.
The front door creaked open. Calista dove behind the nearest bush and held her breath. A tall, shadowy figure strolled past her and her first thought was of the Master. Sweat beaded on her forehead, she couldn't deal with the Master. Not now.
It was Dumbledore. She saw him pause at the bottom of the hill and turn his face slightly, as though he'd heard something. Calista was sure she was turning blue from holding her breath for so long, but she didn't dare release it. She'd pass out first before she let Dumbledore find her here.
Leave. Leave already! Dumbledore stayed very still for a moment longer, then turned and walked down the path and out of sight.
Calista puffed out her cheeks and blew out the breath she'd been holding.
Cautiously, she stood and stepped back onto the path. She walked up to the front door of the Shrieking Shack and tried the handle. Locked. Of course it was, that was a dangerous werewolf in there.
She gazed at the locked door. Go back her mind told her. Yes, go back, it was for the best. She turned to go.
There was a click and the door slowly swung open of its own accord. Calista turned back and stared distrustfully at the open entryway. The door hung silent, inviting her to enter.
There was no light coming from the house; all seemed quiet inside. Calista reached the threshold and peered in. No sign of Remus anywhere.
Don't tempt fate, girl! Go back now, before it's too late.
"It's already too late," Calista whispered to herself. Taking a deep breath, she stepped over the threshold and into the darkness of the Shrieking Shack.
The door swung shut behind her, all by itself. She heard the lock click back into place. She took a few cautious steps further into the room. It was pitch black. The windows were covered with thick sheets of waxed paper, omitting all light from entering.
She bumped into something hard-- "Ouch!" --- a chair, by the feel of it. Her eyes began to adjust to the darkness and she could make out large shapes in the shadows.
A candle flickered into life before her. It was placed on a rickety old table that had chunks missing from its legs. Chunks that had been taken out by large, razor sharp teeth. Calista, you are a complete idiot.
She picked up the large candle and held it before her in both hands. She walked as silently as she could, the floorboards squeaking occasionally under her feet. She walked past dirty walls that were gouged with claw marks, past tumbles of broken furniture. Her feet were now covered in dust and had acquired a few splinters which added to the sprinkles of blood already there. They ached horribly, in addition to being very cold.
Calista realized how mental she must be. Here she was, in an abandoned house with a werewolf somewhere in here, dressed in nothing but her school skirt and shirtsleeves. No cloak, no stockings, no shoes. She was mad.
Mad as a hatter, her mind giggled crazily.
"Oh, great, don't you go nuts on me too," she muttered to her brain. Calista stopped and rolled her eyes. "I'm actually talking to myself. Bring on the men in white coats! St. Mungo's, here I come."
The sound of her voice gave her some comfort in the gloom of the old house. She tiptoed up a long flight of stairs. There was a door there, splintered from something inside that had tried to get out. She listened desperately, there was apparently nothing moving in there.
One white, shaking hand reached out and gently pushed at the door. It was not locked and creaked open slowly. She saw a large four-poster bed, the hanging ripped and torn like sails on a ghost ship. The sheets were dusty and wrinkled. There was a large shape lying next to the bed. Its chest heaved in and out with lumbersome breaths.
Calista sucked in a quiet breath. The thick fur coat glistened in the candlelight; its features were not harsh and primitive, but distinguished. Soft. Remus as a werewolf had a beauty that was hidden while in his human form.
A thick silence fell on Calista, she realized the deep, harsh breaths of the wolf had stopped. She looked, and saw its eyes were open and staring at her. Calista looked straight into the heart of the wolf. Her trembling stopped; that was Remus in there. She could see him in the wolf's eyes. He wouldn't harm her.
Her movements very slow, she placed the candle on the bedside cabinet and knelt down. The wolf didn't move, it just followed her with its gleaming eyes.
She reached out cautiously and ran her fingers through his thick coat. It was soft under her fingers. She looked at the werewolf, Remus looked back. He made no move to hurt her, indeed her didn't move at all.
Calista slowly stretched out until she was lying next to him. She placed her head down next to his and gazed into his eyes. This was Remus, yes, but stronger than the man, more confident. But still Remus. She slowly stroked the fur around his eyes and forehead until his eyes closed lazily again and the deep breathing returned. Calista felt her own eyes heavy with sleep. There was too much out there, but here in this place, what did it matter? It didn't matter here that she was a monster and a murderer. She was lying here with a monster too.
Calista felt more at home, lying here with the huge beast in her arms, than she had felt in a long time. And that was how sleep found her, monster comforted by monster, if only for a little while.

* * *

Sunlight was streaming through thin cracks in the waxed paper covering the windows. It illuminated the tiny dust bunnies dancing in the thick air of the Shrieking Shack. Calista smiled at the sight. It was peaceful here, and on this hard wooden floor she'd had one of the best sleeps of her life.
Sometime in the night she had turned in her sleep, and morning had found her pressed against Remus Lupin, his arms wrapped around her and his face buried in her hair. Calista didn't dare move, for fear she would find this all a dream.
Remus moaned and shifted in his sleep. Calista very slowly turned in his arms to look at his face. He looked so innocent sleeping. There was no wolf there now, just sweet Remus. Her eyes trailed over his face, his slender neck, his shoulders. She blushed when she realized he was naked-- of course. Transforming ruins his clothes and that's why they're always patched like they are. he has to fix them every month. Sometimes the obvious escapes even the most careful of observers.
Calista reached up and pulled the ragged, thin blanket off the bed and wrapped it around herself and Remus. She snuggled back into his arms, willing to ignore the call of the outside world just for a little longer.
Remus stirred and his eyes slowly opened. They were still hazed with sleep, giving Calista a moment to admire them before reality suddenly slammed into her like a ton of bricks. How in the name of Merlin do I explain this?
In her blissful state of mind, she had forgotten that she wasn't supposed to be here. Remus would likely freak out and demand explanations she wasn't sure she could give.
Calista held her breath as she watched the awareness creep back into Remus' eyes. He focused on the girl lying in his arms and Calista stared back, suddenly afraid. What would he do to her, now that he knew she had invaded his sanctuary?
Remus said nothing, so neither did Calista. They just stared at each other for the longest time, speaking only with their eyes. Finally, Remus removed his arms from around her waist, only to reach out and stroke her face. He didn't demand answers, he didn't tell her to leave, he didn't even speak. He just ran his fingers over her features, soft and slow.
Calista thought her heart would stop. It couldn't be. . . Yet here they were, two outcasts from different worlds, together only for a little while, but still together. She had envisioned this moment, denying those fantasies even to herself, for so long. They slowly lifted their faces to each other. Light and comfort found them and eased their troubled hearts as they kissed and kissed and touched and kissed. . .

***********

James was having major deja vu. Here he was, once again sitting on the cold stone floor outside the hospital wing. Except this time, Remus wasn't here, Sirius, Autumn, and Spike were here, it was sunrise, and Sara wasn't dead.
Autumn and Spike were leaning against the wall. Autumn was fiddling with the hem of her cloak and Spike was twirling his wand in his fingers. Sirius paced back and forth, back and forth, the same 6 feet over and over. No one had said a word since leaving the hospital wing and the tension lay like a thick fog over them. They were once again waiting in agony over the fate of Lily Evans. Dear sweet Lily, who had suffered so much in 48 hours and never deserved it. . .
Sirius stopped in his tracks as Dumbledore strode around the corner and moved towards the ripped doors. The twins straightened their posture, but James just sat. . . staring at nothing.
"Don't you ever sleep?" James asked his Headmaster.
"Funny, Mr. Potter, I was going to ask you the same question." James raised his eyes and saw Dumbledore giving him his patented raised eyebrow. James sniffed and gave a tiny crooked smile.
"All will be well," Dumbledore assured him. "All will be well."
"Everyone's been saying that a lot recently and its bullshit!" Sirius' voice was harsh. "Lily attacked, Sara murdered and me lost in the stupid forest--"
"What?" James looked quickly at Sirius.
"Long story," Sirius said quickly. "Then, Lily attacked again--"
"Peter attacked," James cut in.
"What?" This time it was Sirius who turned to James in surprise.
"Long story," James said. Sirius returned to his rant.
"So, explain to me how all will be well, because I sure as hell don't understand this! Aren't you supposed to be this great wizard? You're here to keep us safe, aren't you? How could you let this happen?" Sirius was yelling, forgetting this was Dumbledore he was ranting at.
Dumbledore just stood there, letting him rant. The twins stood open-mouthed, having never seen anyone talk to the Headmaster like that. Good for you, Padfoot. Rant if you can, James thought. James didn't feel like ranting, or complaining, or doing much of anything outside of wait for Lily.
"Prongs, say something! Back me up here!" Sirius whirled to James. How can he just sit there?! He loves Lily so why isn't he angry?
James just stared at the ground, not knowing everyone was looking at him.
There had been too much in far too short a time, and his mind seemed to have shut off. Sirius looked back and forth between James and Dumbledore, worry growing on his face. Dumbledore too was giving James a concerned look.
It was that exact moment Madam Pomfrey appeared in the doorway.

******************************

"What do you mean, he knows?!" Lucius snarled.
"I-I m-m-m-mean, he knows-s," Peter stammered. Lucius had him by the collar of his robes and was shaking him in his fury. Lucius shoved Peter away from him and ran a hand through his messed up hair. His face was still streaked with blood from where the Mudblood had scratched him. The open wounds burned like splinters under fingernails, and Lucius clenched his jaw
in annoyance.
"Fine," he said through his teeth. "I'll take care of the werewolf. Leave me." He flapped his hand at Peter, who scrambled off. He'd done his duty, it was time to go hide now.
Lucius stormed into the almost deserted Slytherin common room. It was occupied by the very people he least wanted to see, yet they were the same ones he needed most at the moment. Irony was a bitch.
"I never figured you for the rough and tumble type Lucius." Bellatrix quirked an eyebrow at his face.
"Shut up, Bella." He sat next to Severus in a huff and sank into the soft leather sofa, resting his forehead in his hands. "Where are Rabastan and Rodolphus?"
"Looking for Calista," Severus said softly. Lucius looked at Severus out of the corner of his eyes, silently ordering him to continue.
"She left hours ago and hasn't come back yet. Where have you been all this time, anyway?"
"Having fun," Lucius smirked.
"Are you telling me," Bellatrix hissed, "that after I warned you not to 'screw' with the Mudblood you went ahead and did it ANYWAY?!"
"Relax, Bellatrix, the fate of the world does not depend upon who I --"
"Maybe not, but the fate of inheriting the Black family fortune sure as hell does! We both know your family is ruined, all you have left is your so-called 'good name'. Without my sister, you are nothing. Nothing!" Bellatrix was white with fury. Her eyes glared at him, silently punishing him for his stupidity. Lucius smiled a slow, devious grin.
"You honestly think I haven't arranged all that already?"
Mild confusion crossed Bellatrix's face. "What--"
"I have already conquered the Narcissa issue. Her future with me is no longer a choice. Your parents and I signed the necessary papers long ago." Lucius imitated Bellatrix's earlier look. "Didn't your sister tell you?"
Bellatrix's jaw dropped and she stared at Lucius in complete shock. Severus looked warily between the two. This had the capability to get extremely ugly.
To the surprise of both men, Bella's face relaxed into a warm smile.
"Good."

26. Dreams and Another Azkaban Interlude

A/N: I’m still here! I swear I haven’t forgotten you all! I’ve just been so unbelievably busy, with the opening of my website, The Marauder’s Hideaway, to work and family things, but here I am and here is more of the story.

Chapter 24: Dreams and Another Azkaban Interlude

"And if we
find ourselves inhabited by winter,
the mind's blank sky branching nowhere,
snow the best the cold heart can hope for,
buried under time's fraying comforter,
hand on naked back or thigh on thigh
can send us south into the middle of July."

It's an interesting experience, finding peace in the midst of chaos. You don't quite know what to think. Here is the world, going through its daily tumultuous routine, yet you find yourself standing perfectly still. You have the urge to make this peace as a cage around you, keeping out all things evil. If peace could truly be made a cage, Calista Serene wanted to be chained to the wall.
This is perfect. She smiled against Remus' chest. Never in a million gentle fantasies did she imagine actually being happy in the arms of a werewolf. Her werewolf. Let Severus find someone else to control. Let Lucius find someone else to beat. She was never going back.
"Calista?" Remus' gentle voice whispered through her thoughts, bringing her slowly back to earth.
"Hmmm?" He had an adorable lock of hair curled against the nape of his neck and she twirled it in her fingers.
"What just happened?"
"I'm not entirely sure," she smiled. "But I'm not sorry." Calista lifted her eyes to his. Mild confusion still danced in his eyes as he smiled nervously at her. She brushed her hand across his face.
"Remus, don't you believe that some things just happen? Without you knowing why?"
"I suppose they can," he said. "It's just--"
"Strange. I know." She did know. Gryffindors and Slytherins did not mix, much less werewolves and murderers. But Remus didn't know that part of it.
Calista looked deep in his eyes, eyes she could get lost in forever. "What do your instincts tell you?"
Remus lay silent for a moment, and she had a horrible fear they were telling him to run as fast as he could in the other direction. He didn't run. His hand went to the back of her neck and pulled her to him. The kiss was soft, nervous, but it was still a kiss. Calista smiled against his mouth and kissed him back.
Thank you her mind sighed in relief. They kissed again. And again. His hand left her neck and caressed her shoulder, then slowly began to travel down the length of her arm.
Her left arm.
No. . . Calista jerked her arm back and broke away, gasping for breath.
"What's wrong," Remus asked. The concern in his eyes made her want to weep. No one, in all her years, had ever asked her that and meant it.
"Nothing," she whispered. Her arm was shifted so he couldn't see the burn that branded her forearm. In the midst of their earlier embraces, she had been terrified he would find it and cast her from him. That moment hadn't come, and she had been swept away by the delicious feelings Remus had brought out in her, the mark and its significance left far behind in the shadows.
"Nothing," she said again, this time in a stronger voice. She looked at Remus' trusting face and smiled. It was a horribly fake smile, but Remus bought it and smiled back.
"We should go back," she said. "They'll miss you soon." They both knew who she meant.
"If we must, we must," Remus said. His face showed amused regret at the thought of leaving and she wanted to collapse in his arms and confess everything. . . but that could never, ever happen. This could be the one great thing in her life and if it meant she had to lie to keep it, then so be it. She was good at lying, after all.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Remus asked again. "Nothing's wrong?"
Calista looked him dead in the eye. "What could possibly be wrong?"

*******

Madame Pomfrey had given her something to sleep, she knew that. The world faded into a swirl of colors. Lily didn’t mind. It was a world she wanted no part of for the time being. She felt the horror of the day fade slowly from her mind as the sleeping potion took a hold of her.

There were specks of golden light floating down from the sky. Like feathers caught in the wind they danced around her, sprinkling her with their flickering glow. The lights grew brighter, and Lily found herself in a large room. The lights were candles, long thin tapers whose flames twisted and turned in the light draft gently blowing through the room. There were tall mirrors hanging on the dark wooden walls, but they were fogged over and she couldn’t see her reflection.

Lily looked down at herself. She didn’t belong here, a ruined child in torn clothing standing alone in a candlelit room. She wanted to run, but where? There was nowhere to go, no doors adorned the walls. More and more she felt like she was somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be. Lily turned around and around, desperately seeking an escape route.
Panic was beginning to take over her mind.

There was a soft touch on her shoulder. She turned, and instantly relaxed. If he was here, then it was all right for her to be here too. She gazed into Sirius’ warm eyes as he pulled her into his arms. They were dancing, very slow. One of Lily’s hands was intertwined with his, held against his chest. Her other hand was resting on his shoulder; his other encircled her waist and was laid against the small of her back. Sirius would keep her safe.

They danced into a small patch of shadow, and when they emerged it was James’ soft hazel eyes Lily was looking into. She felt the wave of love for him wash over her. James would die for her. He told her with his eyes. She caught her reflection finally in one of the mirrors behind James. She was no longer the spoilt, soiled girl she’d been before. Now she was clean, her wounds gone, her hair smooth and shining again. Lily smiled and rested her head on his shoulder.

She blinked and he was Sirius again, gently brushing her hair out of her eyes with a shaking hand. . . . James was pressing his lips on her forehead. . . back and forth it went. The Lady Lily, with her gentlemen to keep her safe. The blonde devil would never find her here.

--------- AZKABAN PRISON, DEC. 20. YEAR 4------------

Sirius was having the dream again. The one in the candlelit room, dancing with Lily one moment, the next he was trapped in a mirror, watching her dance with James. It didn’t matter which position he was in, partner or observer, he could feel her. He knew she felt safe from the blonde devil, as they called him. It didn’t matter that it was his best friend, and not him, holding the one person he’d given his heart to. If James had made Lily happy, then it didn’t matter his heart broke every time they smiled at each other, that he had to look away when they kissed.

Their wedding day had been the most heartbreaking day of Sirius’ life. His only love had married the man of her dreams and it wasn’t him. He’d gone, been best man to James, drank, danced and celebrated with the rest. No one knew he’d died inside.

Now he was here, lost in this tiny cell, six feet by nine feet, trapped in that feeling of loss forever. There was only a small slit in the wall, ten inches high and 5 inches wide. That was his window. Sirius tried vainly for a glimpse of the night sky, but it was no use. All the window was good for was bringing in the bitter air from the ocean. The dementors gave the inmates no fire, of course. They each had two thin, torn blankets and a flat pillow filled with lumps. One hand was permanently chained to the dank, mossy walls. Sirius had made slash marks in the moss with his fingernails, marking the time spent in here. He feared the day when he’d run out of room. That would be the day he’d let the dementors take him.

He’d felt everything he’d tried so hard to push behind him in his life. For four years, he’d suffered through memories of his horrible family, the humiliations they’d once forced upon him, then losing Lily, remembering Sara’s death Peter’s betrayal. . . the ones who mattered most were in the ground now, Lily and James. . . Sara. . . . Spike and Autumn. . . . Peter lived, but was as good as dead as far as Sirius cared. Remus was all alone out there.

Thinking of Moony made Sirius clutch his hair in frustration. Moony, a spy. It was the most ridiculous concept he’d ever dreamed up. There had been something, in school, that had changed the relationship between Remus and Peter but Remus had never said what happened. But the Marauders had never been the same after graduation. . .

It hurt so much. He left his memories; they were too painful to look at now. He slipped back into his dream, his refuge. He wanted to dance with Lily, but there were dementors on either side of him holding him back. He was trapped behind the mirror, forced to watch as his best friends danced, becoming more transparent with each step until they vanished forever.

Even his dreams were stolen from him now.

------- Back then… ---------

Once again, James was sitting at the bedside of his beloved Lily, gazing at her while she slept. He wondered idly if there was a record for the amount of time students spent in the hospital wing and figured between Lily, Sirius and Remus’ various injuries they had set new standards. It was the most pathetic thought he’d ever had, and he’d had some whoppers (although no one knew it).

Madame Pomfrey had said she would eventually be all right, that she had given Lily a potion to make her sleep for a long time, but had given the students no specifics as to what Lucius had done to her. She had Dumbledore had disappeared into her office, the door shut now for a long time.

Lily’s face looked peaceful in its slumber, her lashes dark against her pale cheeks. James wanted to kill Lucius. That much was obvious to everyone around him, and apparently a very mutual sentiment. Autumn slowly paced back and forth at the foot of Lily’s bed, her violet cloak streaming out behind her as she gnawed on the knuckle of one thumb. Spike had vanished after a whispered conversation with his sister. This must be awful for her, James realized. Sara had been her best friend, too, and now Lily. . . Yet Autumn plowed on, determined as ever in her doings. She was strong, and James admired her courage.

His eyes left Autumn and traveled to Sirius, who was sitting on the other side of the bed. His dark eyes were focused on Lily’s face. He was in agony; it was written all over his handsome features. James wondered what had happened to Sirius during their separation. He seemed different somehow, in a way James couldn’t out his finger on.

He still loves her, James realized. Of course he did, love wasn’t something that could be washed away in one argument. Yet instead of filling James with jealousy, it comforted him. There was someone else out there who was willing to protect Lily with his life and it made James feel better that he wasn’t alone in that. There was no uncertainty anymore about Lily’s feelings, James knew that. He supposed there was room enough for both men to love her.

**************************

Sirius had a horrible feeling he knew what had happened to his sweet Lily. He’d seen Malfoy’s eyes on her, following her, but Malfoy had always looked away when he realized someone was watching. In years past Sirius had thought nothing of it since he had thought nothing of Lily. It stunned him now to think of it, how little consideration he’d once given the girl who’d become his life. How things change.

Malfoy was a dead man. Sirius wanted to gouge his eyes out with his bare hands, make him bleed and crawl on the ground before him. Death was too good for the man. Yet at the same time, Sirius was of the consideration that there had been too much violence already, and as much of a monster as Malfoy may be, it was time to leave things to those in charge. He wanted to avenge Lily, desperately, but he was so tired. . .

His soul had aged a thousand years in the space of days. He just couldn’t do anymore.

************************

Peter stepped gingerly over the shattered remnants of the doorway and walked slowly into the hospital wing. God, people, breathe a little! It’s not like she’s dead. Of course, Peter would never speak those thoughts aloud to anyone in the room. Time to play the concerned friend, comforter of the weary, blah blah blah.

“H-How is she?” Peter put on his most concerned voice as he knelt next to James. He put his hand on James’ shoulder and tried his best not to laugh in their faces.

“How do you think?” It was Autumn who answered her voice razor sharp. “Attacked twice in two days by that—that freak! How would you be?!” Peter narrowed his eyes at her, but Autumn had turned in her pacing and didn’t see. He hoped she wasn’t going to be an issue that needed dealing with. He had enough problems as it was.

“She’ll b-be all right, P-P-Pro-James.” Peter knew better than to use their secret names in front of Autumn. There was a very good chance she already knew their secret, being who she was, but the boys had agreed to take no chances. “L-Lily’s a t-tough old girl; sh-sh-sh-sh-she’ll make it j-just fine.” Peter assured his friend with warmth he didn’t feel. Evans could kick the bucket anytime for all he cared. It would make his life considerably easier.

His eyes fell on her. She was quite lovely, he admitted to himself grudgingly. Too bad she’s nothing but a simpering Mudblood.

“Hey, Pete,” Sirius said quietly, “will you go find Remus? He’d hate to not be here with us.” Peter nodded, silently hating Sirius for ordering him around like a servant. He left, his feet shuffling along the stone floor all the way. He never saw Autumn’s distrustful eyes on him as he left.

27. Deals with the Devil

Chapter 25: Deals with the Devil

Peter checked Gryffindor Tower, the Great Hall, the library, everywhere he could think of but there was no sign of Remus. He didn't really know why he was actually trying so hard to find him. His next meeting with Remus was bound to bring problems.

Peter stepped through the great oak doors of the Entrance Hall and drank what little warmth the sun offered. There was a bitter chill in the sir; winter was definitely on the way. There were no other students about. His eyes wandered over the empty garden paths, then settled on two figures walking hand in hand up to the gates. One was tall, very thin. . . ah, there was Moony. Since when did the werewolf hold hands with girls? Girls who were very thin, with hair that was ------ No way. . .

**************************************

Calista hugged herself with one arm. It was very cold, even with the sun beaming down on the world. She couldn't believe she was walking up the path with Remus' hand linked with hers. Life was very strange indeed to give her this gift after taking her through the nine levels of hell. It took all she had to keep from smiling continually like a fool.

Her eyes caught a small, plump figure darting inside the entry doors. Oh, no. . . .

***************************************

I'm walking up the path holding hands with a girl I've never really noticed before, a girl I've just - Merlin, how did all this come to pass? Remus had rarely been as confused by life as he was now. Calista Serene was not someone he had ever imagined being intimate with, yet here they were. He was more surprised than ever to find that holding her hand was not unpleasant. Her skin, sallow and very pale, was nonetheless soft to the touch. Her eyes were pale and colorless, yet they had a depth to them he was hard pressed to find in many others. There was definitely a mind in that head, a fact that was more attractive than anything.

She had a very pretty smile too. Her face changed from the cold, heartless Slytherin she was known as to something. . . something soft, and sweet and gentle, even kind. Calista was a paradox, a mystery Remus was becoming determined to solve.

Her hand went cold in his, breaking him from his thoughts. She pulled her hand from his, and he almost missed the feeling of it. What the hell?

“I have to go,” she said quickly. Something was wrong; she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were looking up at the castle and something very akin to fear skittered in her voice. She was gone, through the gates, like a ghost leaving Remus alone on the beaten path.

“What on earth was that about?” he wondered aloud. There were many mysteries these days. Problems to be solved. And speaking of problems . . . he had an appointment to keep with a furry little friend of his. He must have transformed during his confrontation with Peter. Someone had to have intervened; he had a feeling it was Prongs. That's fine; at least he didn't eat anything he wasn't supposed to. His stomach growled. He was starving.

Remus glanced casually at the sky. There was a dark cloud hovering over the North Tower. On closer look, it was a raven. Remus shrugged; it was just a bird.

****************************************

Calista ran away from Remus, hating to leave. She rounded the corner and stopped in shock. Someone had majorly trashed Greenhouse 2. She hadn't really noticed the damage last night; she'd been too engrossed in her own thoughts.

Now, she saw half the wall was gone. What on earth could tear out half a wall?

“Nice, isn't it?” The simpering little voice reached Calista's ears. It was exactly who she thought it was. Crapweasels. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and turned to deal with Peter.

“What do you want, rat?” She put on her best Slytherin charm, which didn't involve much effort. She despised Peter.

“I s-saw you,” Peter leered at her. “What w-would the oth-thers think of-f your n-n-new b-boy toy? I b-bet L-Lucius and S-S-S-Severus would r-really love to h-hear ab-b-bout it.”

“Why you little. . .” Calista had pulled out her wand without realizing it, and she now took the advantage to point it at Peter. “I should curse you into oblivion. What business is it of yours who I spend my time with?”

“C-Curse m-me if you w-want, but I-I'll b-b-be miss-ssed. Y-You're exp-p-p-pendab-ble, r-remember? I'm not.”

Calista stared at the fat little boy in shock. He was completely right. He had made his place in the circle long before she was pulled into the scheme of things. Little Peter was more cunning than she had thought. She lowered her wand, eyeing him with distaste.

“What is it?” She asked. Peter gestured to her with one fat finger, and she reluctantly leaned in to hear what he had to say.

*********************************

Sirius was very tired now, eyes head drooping on his chest, but he fought valiantly to stay awake. He was tired of sitting, doing nothing, but he didn't dare move. What if Lily woke up and he wasn't here? It didn't matter if he was out of the picture, he just wanted to see her open her eyes and know she was all right...

As if the fates had read his mind and decided to take pity on him, Lily's eyes slowly opened. Sirius sat up straight in his chair, completely awake now. Her eyes gazed at the ceiling for a moment. She seemed confused, but the color of her eyes was strong and reassuring.

“Lily?'' His voice was a whisper, but she'd heard him. She looked at him, straight into his eyes, and smiled.

“Hi, Sirius,” she said. Her voice was hoarse and scratchy, but to Sirius it was music. Lily stretched out one hand to him and he clasped it in his own. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“How do you feel?” he asked her.

“Hmmm, let's think,” she said mock seriously. Lily then looked at Sirius and dropped him a wink and a small grin.

“At least you still have your sense of humor,” Sirius laughed joyfully. His mind was singing. Lily's going to be all right.

“Glass half full, right?” Lily was doing her best to stay upbeat. Sirius took a chance and kissed her bruised fingers. Lily's eyes on him were tender, full of love. He couldn't pull away from her gaze. Sirius was moving closer to her. God, he wasn't doing this. They had been down this road already; was he insane? His lips were inches from hers; he could feel her cool breath on his face.

Sirius jerked his head up with a start. He looked around in surprise. Lily's hand was not in his, they were not about to kiss. Her eyes were closed and James was at her side, fast asleep himself. Autumn was gone and Spike had taken her place, pacing back and forth with wand drawn out.

He'd been dreaming again. Sirius let his head fall into his hands, elbows resting on his knees. He knew Spike's eyes were on him; he just didn't care. The fates were cruel, twisted beings, he decided. He silently cursed them all for bringing him and his friends into the warped world of adulthood so soon.

Sirius stood abruptly and walked to the window. The sun was shining, oblivious to their pain. Sirius felt the world should stop and take notice, damnit. He was bloody sick of all this nonsense. It was time for some answers.

Spike gasped behind him. Sirius turned and his eyes widened. Lily was sitting up, stroking James, hair as he slept on, unaware that Lily had awoken. Her eyes left the sleeping James and went to Spike. He nodded at her and Lily smiled back, blinking back tears. Her gaze left her guard and went to Sirius, standing alone by the window. There were no words spoken, no movements made. The room sparked with the electricity between them. Sirius felt the tears running down his face but made no move to wipe them away. They simply stared at each other from across the room, oblivious to the boy sleeping next to Lily, oblivious to the other boy watching so carefully. There was nothing for this moment but Sirius and Lily, and it was all right.

**************************

Calista crept around the castle until she was very near the South Tower. She had a favorite spot here where she liked to sit and think. She would gaze at the misty mountains behind the castle and let her mind wander. She used to imagine the trials she would bring on the heads of her Gryffindor nemesis; ways she would make them suffer for being everything she hated. That was how Rabastan had found her, back in their third year, muttering about stupid Gryffindors under her breath. Rabastan had run off to tell his brother Rodolphus of the angry little Slytherin with the twisted ideas. Rodolphus had told his girlfriend, Bellatrix, who'd told Lucius . . . and the world had snowballed from there.

Calista hadn't been here in ages. She sat on the grass, still damp with morning's dew, and leaned back against the base of a small fountain. A statue of a fairy holding a flower in the palm of her hand rose out of the base. Calista liked this statue because it was sad, like her. The water was the fairy's tears; she was crying. Calista wasn't really into the happy, fluffy statues that lined the more populated garden paths. This corner of the garden was like the South Tower, unused and ignored. The greenery had grown almost out of control here, huge wild flowers and long branches of ivy everywhere. Calista could be completely alone here. None of the others ever came this way anymore.

Calista pulled out her wand and laid it on the ground before her, pointing it to the east. There was nothing in the world she wanted to do less than modify Remus' memory, but there was no other way. She would not let them kill him, and so she and Peter had reached this arrangement.

Calista leaned over her wand and muttered something indecipherable. A small sliver mist shot out of her wand and swirled away through the garden. She took a deep breath. This next one would be more of a chore. She was not fond of Sirius Black, and didn't much care for his fate. If he wasn't friends with Remus . . . She sighed. Peter had conned her into this one, too. Little slime ball was toast when she was done with this.

She muttered the spell again and another mist came out of her wand, this time going to the hospital wing.

****************************

Remus was on a wild Peter hunt. He was bound and determined to find the little sneak and get some straight answers. He saw a very familiar brunette up ahead.

“Hey Autumn!”

“Yo, Remus!” Autumn came running over to him and he smiled. She was the only British person he'd ever met who said “yo.'' She thought it made her cool to speak American slang, she said.

“Boy, are you a hard person to find,” she said upon reaching him.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Remus asked.

Autumn stared at him for a moment, then blinked. “Of course! You haven't been around; you wouldn't have any idea of what's happened. Duh, Autumn!” She smacked her forehead.

“WHAT HAPPENED?!” Remus almost shouted at her. She was making him insane.

“Lily was attacked again, and it looks like Lucius really did something to her this time. We're not sure what; Madame Pomfrey won't say. But everyone's staying with her. . . Spike and I were going in shifts until we found you. They sent Peter, but, well . . . you know Peter,” she finished with a laugh. Remus twitched at the mention of Peter and opened his mouth to say something to Autumn.

There was a brush of something very soft against his ear. Remus stood with his mouth open, thinking. He couldn't remember what he was going to say. He closed his mouth with a snap. Autumn giggled.

“What?” he asked.

“You looked a bit like a codfish, mate,” she said. Then her face turned serious. “C'mon, let's get to Lily-girl.” Autumn took Remus' arm and together they went hurrying along to the hospital wing.

********************************

Calista sighed and leaned back against the fountain again. It was done. The tears could come now, and they did, flowing freely down her silent face. She sat with her eyes closed, not making a sound, the tears traveling down her small face her only form of movement.

A twig snapped in the darkness. Calista opened her eyes and stared blankly into the sallow face of Severus Snape. He stared down his hooked nose at her, his dark eyes boring into her colorless ones.

“Happy now?” she asked him quietly. Something that was almost pity came into his eyes as he reached out and gently touched her face. They stayed that way, the two of them, for a long while, and no one missed them.

A/N: I am so so so sorry! It was not my intention to not update in so long! It's a bit easy to forget about this story sometimes because its already ssoted in so many other places and I am hard at work on its sequel. Plus the Marauder's Hideaway is up and running, so that's been going on. ( www.freewebs.com/marauders-hideaway/ ) but you guys don't care! You just want the story! So I will shut up and let you all enjoy! Please, post comments. I worship your feedback. I thrive on it. I crave it. I sound like I'm begging. I'm done now. :D

28. Chess Wars

Chapter 26: Chess Wars

James heard voices. He really didn't feel like waking up, and he wished the voices would shut up already. Didn't they understand he just wanted to sleep? He heard Sirius' bark of a laugh, and then he realized soft fingers were running through his hair. Who would . . . .?

It couldn't be. That would be too much to hope for, wouldn't it? James' eyes shot open and he sat up so suddenly the others gasped. It was real. Lily was awake. Her perfect eyes looked back at him. They were rimmed in red, like she'd been crying, but they were here, looking at him!

James threw his arms around her and kissed her, uncaring of anyone else in the room. He felt Lily's arms go around him as she kissed him back. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind he heard Spike's happy chuckle at the sight of them. They must be making a scene, but James could have cared less. This was his Lily he was with. If they were to make a scene, bring on the cameras. He didn't care. He surrendered to the joy rising in him and kissed her again.

**********************

Sirius watched James and Lily together and forced a smile on his face for the benefit of Spike. Watching them made his stomach curl into knots, but what could he say? `Hey Prongs, could you not kiss your girlfriend in front of me because I love her too and it makes me uncomfortable?' Oh, yeah, that would go over so well!

The world spun crazily for a moment. What the . . . ? He grasped the window ledge and shook his head, trying to clear the sudden fuzziness in his mind.

“Sirius mate, you all right?” Spike was at his side, speaking quietly. Sirius looked up into Spike's piercing blue eyes and faked yet another smile.

“Am I ever?” he deadpanned. He shook of the hand Spike was holding out, determined to take care of himself. “I'm all right,” Sirius insisted impatiently. “Stop fussing, Spike!”

Spike stepped back and held up his hands in peace. Sirius felt bad, but didn't say anything. He glanced at Lily and James; Lily was now resting her head on James' chest, silent tears streaming down her face. James was whispering to her things Sirius could not hear, nor did he care to. He felt Spike's piercing gaze on him and turned away. He could not admit the truth to anyone else right now. It diminished him, somehow.

There was a noise at the doorway. Remus and Autumn came flying in. Upon seeing Lily awake, Autumn flung herself onto her friend and burst into tears, which was a very un-Autumn thing to do. Remus was more subtle. He went to James and put a hand on his shoulder. James looked up at the boy and smiled. They both looked at Sirius, who sucked in a deep breath. And the Oscar goes to. . . He plastered a big smile on his face and went over to his friends. They all sat around Lily's bed, everyone suddenly talking all at once, laughing and hugging or just sitting back and smiling. They all believed the worst to be over, and it was. For now.

---------- AZKABAN PRISON, AUGUST 17, YEAR 8 ----------------------

The thing about Azkaban was, it either absorbed the cold or absorbed the heat. You would either freeze or bake in your little cell. Sirius was roasting, his gray prison robes clinging to him like a second skin. To add insult to injury, he now had a beard that almost rivaled Dumbledore's in length. Sirius had never wanted a beard, it made his skin itch.

His head was full of memories. None of the happy ones were there, just the sad ones. Many involved his mother. . whose name he could no longer remember. He was forgetting. He'd heard that it happened to the inmates, but he'd never believed until his own mind began to betray him.

The slash marks he made in the moss covering the walls now took up almost two entire walls. What was scary is that the walls were 14 feet tall, to accommodate the 12 ft. tall dementors. When he had first come to Azkaban, he had marked off the days. Then, it turned to marking off weeks. After much time had passed, he had given over to just marking off the months. There simply wasn't the wall space for days or weeks. In recent weeks he had stopped marking altogether because he couldn't' tell what day it was anymore. He knew the seasons from the weather, but that was about it.

He looked at his walls. There were names written amongst the slash marks, names he loved. James, Lily, Remus, Spike, Autumn, Sara. The names of his real family, the ones who'd stood by him through his life. Names of people who were not there anymore. Of all those names, only Remus still breathed and walked this world. The others lay under it, forgotten in darkness.

He remembered the names of his beloved friends only because he'd carved their names into the wall. Even then, it sometimes took him a while to connect the names with the faces in his mind these days. He wondered how long it would be before he forgot his own name. He suspected it wouldn't be much longer.

The temperature dropped suddenly and Sirius hugged himself and tried not to whimper. They were coming again.

There was a loud clank and the door to his tiny cell swung open. They had him by his thin arms. One of them was unlocking the manacle that bound him forever to the wall. Where were they taking him?

His hands were shackled before him, and they had leg chains around his ankles. He could have laughed; they were on an island! Where was he supposed to go? There was nothing out there worth escaping for. His friends were dead, Remus despised him forever, and for all he knew his little godson Harry didn't even know he existed.

The dementors brought him to a room that contained two metal chairs and a low metal table. Sirius was shoved into one of the chairs. Chains appeared, linking his shackles to the floor. The same thing happened to the chains on his legs. For extra measure, a chain collar was placed around his throat and was locked to the back of the chair. They made sure all the locks holding him were secure, and then the dementors left Sirius alone.

Sirius looked at the other chair in interest. He supposed he had a visitor or something. For the first time in eight long years, someone had come to see him. He had too little faith in him to believe it was Remus. He didn't think he could bear that kind of meeting anyway, especially if Remus had come to curse him personally. But he didn't think it likely. Sirius wouldn't have come if he were Remus, either.

The door creaked open, rusted hinges squealing. Sirius' visitor stepped inside the room and the door swung shut. Sirius thought his eyes would bulge out of his head. This was someone he had never expected to ever see again, and yet here they were.

“Hello, Sirius.”

His mind raced back through his life and somehow was able to place a name with that face. That horrid face.

Sirius was miraculously able to find his voice and spoke for the first time in several years.

“Oh. My. God.”

*********************

Several weeks had passed, and winter had officially arrived. Snow covered the castle, white and pure. There were a few yellow patches where people had tried to be funny, but nothing too extreme. A light glaze of ice covered the lake, and crystals of light danced across the surface. Snowball fights were a daily occurrence, during breaks and after classes. The castle was not yet decorated for Christmas, but the holiday feeling was already in the air. Almost everyone's spirits were high with the thought of the coming holidays.

Very close to Calista's garden, there was a place that was clear of any plants. Just a few small stone tombstones marking the memory of students who had once walked the halls but would walk no more. Sara's body had been returned to her family and buried in a cemetery in London. Many students had been permitted by Dumbledore to attend the funeral services, and classes had been canceled for that day.

Lily had not gone. Her injuries had not permitted her to leave the hospital wing, and so Autumn had represented her to Sara's parents. James, Sirius, Spike, Peter, and Remus had all attended as well. It was Remus who had told Lily the details of the funeral; she had wanted to know everything.

Lily was finally out of the hospital now, and the raven found her standing in front of the newest memorial marker at Hogwarts. She was wrapped in her warm Hogwarts cloak, yet she was shivering. Snowflakes decorated her hair, but she didn't notice. It was still very hard to believe Sara was gone. Autumn had hardly left her side these past weeks, and James had visited her between every class and had spent every evening sleeping next to her bed, but nothing could fill the giant hole in Lily's heart. It was if a part of her had died with Sara, and Lucius Malfoy had stolen the rest. She was empty now, a shell of the vibrant girl who had once been. That was how she felt, anyway.

Lily had been standing here, knee deep in snow, for several hours now. She came to this place every day now. It was part of her routine. She told Sara everything that was going on. Sara hated to be left out of things.

“So, I'm not going home for Christmas,” Lily said. “You know Petunia's always insufferable, but she's worst around the holidays and I just don' think I can stand her this year. I may end up strangling her with her boyfriend's tie or something.

I think Autumn and Spike are going to stay, too. I'm not sure what James has planned. I know Remus is staying. He says it's to help me with prefect duties, but I know better.” Lily smiled. “Nobody leaves me alone anymore. Not that I mind it or anything. Everyone's been very sweet. I just need to have my three seconds of alone time, you know?

Sirius and Peter hexed Severus Snape again after Charms yesterday. They gave him a splendid pair of horns. Not as creative as usual, you say? Well, the horns aren't on his head.” Lily actually giggled. “I thought about yelling at them, but my heart just wasn't in it. I was tired,” she added hastily. She didn't know if Sara's spirit had lingered here, but she didn't want her friend to worry. And now I know I'm cracking up, Lily thought.

The sun was setting, leaving long shadows in its path. Lily knew it was time to go. She refused to be alone after dark. “I have to go, Sara,” Lily said now. “I'll be back tomorrow.” Lily put her hand on Sara's marker and closed her eyes, silently thinking all the things she didn't have the strength to say out loud. Heaving a deep sigh, she turned to go.

There was someone walking along the paths. A small, very thing figure. Calista stopped and looked at Lily, who stared back in surprise. Neither girl said anything; the

y were very far apart.

Calista has the answers to everything, Lily suddenly thought. She was certain of the other girl's involvement in Sara's death, and maybe even her own assault. Lily took a step towards her and opened her mouth to speak, but Calista suddenly turned and hurried off the way she had come.

What on earth was Calista Serene doing down here anyway? That girl was a mystery unto herself, but Lily didn't have the strength to figure it out. Lily's shoulders slumped and she went inside, suddenly very tired.

They were relaxing in the warmth of the common room, at ease with each other for the first time in ages. Peter was hunched over the table in the corner, plowing through his Potions homework with Spike's help. Autumn was polishing her broomstick and laughing at the antics of James and Sirius. Remus lay sprawled over the sofa, reading a fat volume written in what appeared to be Latin. James and Sirius sat on the hearthrug, each trying to interrupt the other's concentration by cracking jokes.

“You're gonna lose, Prongs my man,” Sirius said. “It's inevitable.”

“Since when have you ever beaten me at chess?” James grinned. “Let's think. Ummmm. . . how about NEVER!”

“All things must change,” Sirius replied. “Today's my lucky day.”

“Whatever, mate,” James snorted. “Whatever you're on, nit must be good stuff.”

“Yeah, baby.” Sirius smiled mischievously.

“Feel like sharing?” James asked with a similarly wicked grin.

“Let's think. Ummmmm. . . how about NO!”

James gasped. “That's mean! I'd share with you!”

“Then what have you been hiding all our lives?”

“Who told you?!” James looked shiftily about.

“I have my sources,” Sirius said smugly. “You going to move ever?”

“Why? Gotta hot date?”

“Yeah, major hot stuff. But Remus just can't compare to you.” Sirius made kissy noises towards James, who cracked up. Remus snorted in disgust behind his book, but kept reading. Sirius could have sworn he saw Remus roll his eyes, but the book was in the way. James took the opportunity to throw one of his pawns at Sirius and it clonked him in the head.

“OUCH!” Sirius clapped a hand to his forehead and looked aghast at James.

“What are you, TWELVE?!” Sirius yelled. “Fight like a man!” And he chucked his knight at James' chest. There was a moment of silence in which both boys looked at each other, Sirius hiccupping back his laughter.

“Oh crap,” Autumn said.

“Duck,” Remus advised, and hid behind his large book. Good thing. Chess pieces were suddenly flying everywhere, James and Sirius laughing like little children. Autumn scrambled laughing behind the couch, Peter dove under the table. Spike took full advantage of the situation and enchanted some crumpled paper balls top follow Sirius and James around, bonking them continually on the head.

“OW!” Everyone stopped fighting and looked toward the portrait entrance. Lily had come in unseen amid the chaos and had apparently been hit in the head by a flying chess piece. Everyone looked around, holding back snickers of laughter and trying to appear serious.

“Sorry, Lady Lily,” Sirius said. Lily just glared at him and stomped upstairs.

“Busted,” Peter said from under the table. He slowly crawled out, a huge grin on his face.

“Shut up,” Sirius said with a nervous smile. “You think she's really mad?” he asked Autumn.

“Who knows,” she said quietly. “She may have barely noticed. She seems to be on auto-pilot these days.”

“I'm going to go talk to her,” James said. He stood up, but Spike's paper balls were still bopping him on the head. “Knock it of, already!”

“Sorry, James mate,” Spike said. He waved his wand and the paper fell innocently to the floor, perfectly still.

“Umm, I think I should go,” Autumn said. She stood up and went next to James.

“Why can't I go?” James said angrily.

“You plan on getting up into the girl's dorm how?” Autumn said.

The staircase turned into a slide when boys touched it. “Oh yeah,” James said quietly.

“I'll keep an eye on Lily-bean,” Autumn said reassuringly.

“Tell her I want to see her,” James said. There was a hint of desperation in his voice. Autumn felt so sorry for him. James wanted to help Lily; there just wasn't much anyone could do.

“I'll tell her,” she said softly. They watched Autumn disappear up the staircase.

“Lily will come out of it eventually,” Spike said. James turned and caught a glimpse of something on Sirius' face, but the other boy turned away before James could figure it out.

“Padfoot?” James asked softly.

“It's nothing, mate. Just a little worried, that's all,” Sirius said. He was staring into the fire. His profile was illuminated in the flickering light as he hugged his knees to his chest. They had not discussed Lily. It was easier to be friends if they did not talk about the past.

“We all are,” Remus, ever the peacekeeper, stepped next to James. “Everyone's worried about Lily. She's had to go through a lot these past few months.”

“I just wish I knew what to do for her,” Sirius whispered.

“That's my job,” James said harshly.

“You are not the only person who cares about Lily,” Remus said sharply.

“I know,” James said. “I just wish I knew what to do! And I can't help her get through this thing unless I know what the thing is!”

“Lily will talk about Lucius when she's ready,” Spike said. “We all just need to back off and give her a little time. All of us,” he said pointedly, looking first to James, then Sirius. James nodded reluctantly and sat on the sofa. Sirius just stared into the fire.

“Let's finish our chess game,” Sirius said abruptly. He flicked his wand and the chess pieces flew from their scattered places around the room and returned to their former positions on the board.

James gave Sirius a strange look, but slid off the sofa to join him. After watching them make a few moments each in silence, Remus picked up his book and returned to the sofa. Spike walked over and picked up his sister's broomstick and went upstairs to his room, leaving Peter alone at the table.

*******************

Autumn peeked into her dormitory. Lily was sitting at her bedside table, her head buried in her arms. Autumn stepped quietly inside and closed the door behind her. She made no noise as she crossed to Lily.

Lily didn't even realize that she was no longer alone until Autumn put a hand on her back. Her head shot up and Lily sniffed back a sob. She'd been crying again. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was puffy.

“Oh, Lily-bean,” Autumn said gently. Lily's face crumpled and Autumn pulled her into a hug. They stayed that way, the two girls, missing their friend.

*******************

The fire was dying, but still they lingered. Peter had gone upstairs, his unfinished Potions homework spread over the table. James and Sirius had finished their game in silence, and were now in the middle of another. Remus was still reading, they thought.

In truth, Remus had been staring at the same page for three hours now. It wasn't the Latin; he could read it fluently. His mind simply was not on his book. It was down in the dungeons, on a girl he'd spent many stolen moments with lately.

The night romps with his fellow Marauders had not stopped. They still wreaked havoc and had many adventures on those nights of the full moon. The early hours before dawn, however, belonged to Calista, who managed to find her way to his hiding place every time. He always woke to her next top him, and found himself enjoying the time he spent with her. Remus had told no one of his hours alone with Calista in the Shrieking Shack. It seemed like a betrayal, the time he spent with her, yet he found himself longing for those mornings with her.

At school, it was business as usual. They did not speak to each other in public, and Calista no longer pulled him into dark corners to warn him of things, or even to say `hi.' She didn't even look at him in the halls, though Remus found himself wishing she would.

She baffled him; confounded his senses. Calista wasn't the kind of girl he normally thought of as attractive. Her dark, lank hair hung limply around her face; her pale eyes seemed very cold. Her skin was sallow and pale, and her frame was bone-thin and very malnourished-looking. Yet Remus knew her skin was soft as velvet when you touched it, her lips were soft and full of passion. Her eyes danced with a light no one else saw when they touched. There was another person hidden inside the cold exterior she wore, and only Remus seemed to be able to bring it out.

Remus found himself thinking of her more and more. It was the most unlikely pairing the world could ever have thought of, the two of them. For Remus, it was quickly becoming more than wanting to see her. He found himself wondering what she was thinking, what she was feeling. He cared about her, and it scared him to death. He wished desperately she thought about him half as much as he thought about her.

*******************

Autumn handed Lily another tissue. Lily took it gratefully and blew her nose, then tossed the crumpled tissue into the quickly growing pile on the table.

“I'm sorry,” Lily squeaked for the thousandth time.

“Don't be,” Autumn said. “I miss her too, Lily-bean.”

Lily closed her eyes and stifled another sob. She felt like a sniveling baby, but she couldn't seem to stop crying.

“Lily. . . . .” Autumn stopped and thought about her words. “Lily, you can't. . .”

Autumn stopped again and took a deep breath. Lily looked up at the pother girl.

“Is this where you tell me to move on? To leave Sara behind in the ground and get on with my life? Because I can't just leave Sara behind!”

“No, Lily!” Autumn said desperately. “Move on, yes, but carry Sara in your thoughts and in your heart. But you can't stop living just because Sara did! Don't let whoever killed her claim one more victim!”

Utter silence followed this remark. Lily stared at Autumn with open eyes, and Autumn was horribly afraid she'd said the wrong thing. It wasn't meant to come out like that, she thought desperately. But it was too late. There are some things that cannot be taken back once they're said.

Lily looked away from Autumn and stared around the room as though she was seeing it for the first time. When she looked back at Autumn, her eyes were still red but her gaze was clear, strong and awake.

“I need to talk to James,” Lily said. She stood and fled out the door before Autumn could speak. Autumn bowed her head and prayed Lily was coming out of the darkness at last.

*******************

Remus had finally gone to bed, and Sirius and James were left alone. The embers of the fire glowed deep in the fireplace, casting a little light through the room. It was very early in the morning now. Neither boy had much to say, so they just kept playing chess. They were comforted by the other's presence even though neither spoke.

A stair creaked and both swiveled around to see Lily standing on the bottom step. James and Sirius rose as one and looked at her, at a loss on what to say. Lily licked her lips and stared at them both.

“I need to talk to James,” she said. Her voice was quiet but very firm. She meant alone. She did not look at Sirius as he passed her on his way upstairs, even though he looked at her. She kept her gaze firmly on James.

Lily waited until she heard the faint click of the door shutting Sirius upstairs. Now they were alone, and for all their determination to talk to one another, both suddenly found themselves with absolutely nothing to say.

Ah, the land of awkward silences. We seem to get here a lot, James thought. He fidgeted in his place, casting his mind about for something to say. But it was Lily who found her voice first.

“I'm not ready to talk about it yet,” she said. James looked at her; he knew what `it' meant.

“I just wanted to say, that when I am ready, I want you to be the one I talk to,” Lily finished quietly. She looked at the floor, as though she expected James to laugh at her.

James crossed over to her and gently folded her into his arms. Lily's arms went around him and he felt the tension slowly leave her body. She didn't cry; James would have been surprised if she had any tears left.

“I'm here, Lily,” James whispered.

“That's all I need to know,” she said.

They gently rocked back and forth, holding each other. Lily sniffled a few times, but did not cry. She was done with crying.

“You know,” James said slowly,” I still owe you a Hogsmede trip.” Lily raised her head to look at him. “If that's ok,” he finished nervously. Lily's sudden smile was like a beam of sunshine to his heart.

“It's perfect,” she said. James smiled back at her and gently kissed her. Lily wrapped her arms tighter around him as they lost themselves in the moment.

********************

Sirius lay on his bed, the hangings hiding him from view. Remus' deep breathing and Peter's snores were the only sounds in the room. He was in the thrilling process of memorizing the ceiling pattern when he remembered that he'd left his chess set downstairs.

Sirius hopped out of bed and tiptoes down the stairs. He hit the landing and stopped cold. Lily and James were in a passionate embrace, completely lost in each other.

His nails were digging into the palms of his hands. Seeing them together stung his heart, but Sirius couldn't tear his eyes away. He wanted things to be different so he could be the one kissing Lily.

But this is the way things are, Padfoot old boy. This picture doesn't concern you anymore. Let it go, his mind advised him. Sirius closed his eyes, but when he opened them they were still there, kissing.

Sirius turned and silently went back upstairs.

29. Snowball Soldiers

Chapter 27: Snowball Soldiers

--------- 3 Days Later ---------

Calista sighed. She hated tutoring, but Marcus Goyle's parents were determined he pass, so they paid her well. And it was just Astronomy.

“OK,” she said, “that will do it for tonight.”

“Whatever,” Marcus said carelessly. Calista wanted to smack him across the face, but restrained herself.

“Next week, ok?” she asked

Marcus just shrugged, gathered his books, and sauntered off. Calista gave serious consideration to hexing his back, but she heard footsteps behind her and figured it was Madame Pince, so it probably wasn't a good idea.

“Ungrateful brat,” she muttered.

“Don't you just hate those?” She spun around. Her heart lifted and a small smile played across her lips.

“Remus! What are you doing here?” she asked quietly.

“I just wanted to see you,” he said.

Calista stared at him blankly. He wanted to see . . . no way. Remus reached out and touched a lock of her lank hair, the grabbed her roughly and pulled her into a kiss. The thrill ran up and down Calista's spine as she kissed him back. She really couldn't afford to take this kind of risk. She was being watched, and she knew it.

She broke away from Remus and looked around. “We can't do this here,” she said fervently.

“Why are you so afraid for us to be seen together?” Remus asked.

“How can you not be?!”

“Look, Calista,” Remus moved toward her, “I don't understand exactly how we got to this yet, but here we are.”

He said `us.' He thinks about us as together. Ooohhhh. . . As happy as that thought made her, Calista had to stop this conversation before it went any further.

“What about your friends? And mine? Can you just imagine what everyone will say?”

Remus' face went cold. “I didn't think you lived your life on what others think.” He brushed past her and swept out of the library. Calista watched him go, dying to run after him. She hated this. Remus was the bright spot in her life, yet she couldn't let it shine unless they were hidden in that moldy old shack. She had to escape this life. The question was how to do it?

Remus left the library, his face burning. Why had he bothered seeking her out at all? The crazy idea had popped into his head at the last minute, and now look what had happened. And to think, he had actually considered asking her to Hogsmeade. . .

He was running late. He ran down to the entrance hall and saw everyone already there, waiting for him. The twins, Sirius, James, Lily, and Peter.

“Sorry I'm late,” he huffed.

“Where have you been, mate?” Sirius asked. “We've been looking everywhere for you!” His voice was harsher than normal, and taking a quick glance at James and Lily, Remus thought he knew why. They were very affectionate together; not overly cuddly, but enough so the world knew they were together again. His heart went out to Sirius, yet he also felt his dear buddy Padfoot needed to move on already.

“Everyone ready to go now?” Spike asked.

“Yeah, let's blow this pop stand,” Autumn said in her fake New York accent. Everyone laughed; her accent was atrocious.

“Hey!” Autumn said. She tried her best to look offended, but it didn't work and she broke into hysterical laughter, leaning on Remus for support.

“Autumn,” Lily said quietly, “you have enough problems speaking regular English, don't go into American. Our ears can't take it.” Everyone stopped and stared at Lily.

“What?” she said, looking around at them all. “I can tell a joke, can't I?”

Everyone burst into laughter, silently welcoming what seemed to be the return of their Lily. James wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders and shot Remus the happiest of looks. Remus smiled back, very happy for his friends. But his mind was still on the strange girl he'd left upstairs. . .

Calista watched them go down the path towards the village together, all of them as happy as one could be. She felt her heart burn as she watched that silly Autumn girl lean on Remus as she laughed. Did no one else notice how she flipped her hair, trying to catch his eye? Why didn't someone say something about it?!

Because no one knows about you, her mind whispered, and if they did, they'd think it was a joke. Remember, Calista, you are still nothing to the world.

“Right,” she said to herself. There were footsteps behind her again, and she decided to leave. She gathered her books to her chest and hurried out of the library, keeping her head down.

She entered the hallway and was thrust into the bustling throng of students, most making their way to the entrance hall to go to Hogsmeade. She allowed herself to be jostled about by the people who never noticed her anyway.

She looked up to see Severus Snape standing at the end of the hall. Oh God, not today. It was too late; he had already seen her and was clearly waiting for her. It was times like this she thought almost longingly of the knife Narcissa had given her. She had spent too many hours in dark corners with Severus Snape not to think of it. However, she would play her part. For now.

“Afternoon, Severus,” she said coolly.

“Hello, Cali,” he sneered. He had taken to calling her that lately, and it annoyed her to no end. She tried not to shudder as his eyes traveled up and down the length of her body. She knew now why he had waited, and wondered if there was any hope in avoiding it today.

“Not today, Severus.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Not today?” he mocked her. “In case you've forgotten, you don't particularly have a choice in the matter.”

“Why are you making me do this,” Calista asked in a low voice. “I'm part of this now. How much longer do you expect this to go on?”

Severus smiled a horrible, cold smile and leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

“You are my gift from the Master. It is through my grace you live at all.” He took her hand and not so gently led her into a dark, empty classroom. Calista did her best to force Remus' face from her mind. It gave her hope to think that one day, school would end. Maybe this would end too, someday. There was always hope.

~~~@~~~~~@~~~~@~~~~~~@~~~

The snow crunched under the feet of the Marauders and Co. as they entered the village. Sirius and Spike were entertaining the group with impressions of various teachers. They were walking down the main street trying to decide where to go, when the decision was unanimously decided by the boys. With one voice they cried out:

“ZONKO'S!!!”

There was a mad stampede as they hurtled toward the prankster's Mecca. Lily and Autumn were left standing in their dust with very amused expressions on their faces.

“That's ok,” Lily called halfheartedly. “We'll just wait here!” The only answer she received was the tinkling bell as the door to Zonko's swung closed. Lily turned to Autumn.

“We're never going to see them again, are we?”

Autumn laughed and put her arm around Lily. “Who needs `em? We'll just wander until James comes to his senses and tries to find you. The other boys will follow eventually. How about a butterbeer?”

“Perfect!” Lily cried. “I'm freezing! I'll be a Lily-cicle before long.”

“A what?” Autumn laughed.

“You know. Frozen Lily. Human popsicle. Where have you been?” Lily rubbed her hands together and wished she had thought to bring her gloves. Autumn laughed, even though her teeth were also chattering from the cold

“I bet James would have a great time with a Lily-cicle,” she grinned. Lily's jaw dropped as she stopped to stare at Autumn, who doubled over laughing from the look on her friend's face. “You should see your face,” Autumn choked out. “It's great!”

“Oh. My. God!!” Lily smacked Autumn on the arm with each word, but she was smiling. “You are as bad as the boys are sometimes!”

“Who, me? NEVER!” Autumn tried to pull off her look - at - innocent - me face and failed miserably.

Lily scooped up a handful of snow, threw it at Autumn and the snowball fight was on. They shrieked and laughed in the middle of the road, tossing fistfuls of snow back and forth.

“Oi! The girls are having a snowball fight without us!!” Lily glanced up to see Spike leaning out the door to Zonko's. “Hurry up, men!” With that, Spike charged headfirst into the fray and joined Lily in pelting his sister with snow.

“Hey! Two on one! No fair,” Autumn cried.

“Since when are you chicken?” Spike grinned.

“Oh, bring it on, tough guy,” Autumn challenged. Spike winked and was about to retaliate when a large snowball hit him in the side of his face. They turned to see Remus, James and Sirius running at them, gathering snow as they ran. In seconds it had become an every-man for himself free for all. They took up the entire street with their snowball fight and soon, people from other houses and even a few villagers had joined in the fray.

In the midst of the madness, James made his way over to Lily and grabbed her hand. He grinned and put a finger to his lips, then silently led her away from the chaos into a narrow alley.

“Come with me,” he said softly. “I have something I want to show you.” Lily laughed and latched onto his arm as he led her away from the main village and into the hills.

“OK, James, where are we going?” Lily asked for the hundredth time in 10 minutes.

“WOMAN! Be patient!” James laughed.

“But it's coooold!” Lily jumped up and down hugging herself.

James laughed and pulled Lily into his arms. “Better?”

“Hmm,” Lily pretended to think. “Could be warmer.”

“Really,” James said as he leaned towards her.

“Yeah.”

“Is this helping?” he whispered against her lips.

“Mmm-hmmm,” she murmured. Lily pulled James even closer and gave herself over to his kisses. They spread out from her center like ripples on a pond, making her head spin and her limbs go deliciously weak.

“Weren't we going somewhere?” she asked when they finally broke apart.

“Actually, no,” James said. “I just wanted to get you to myself for a bit.”

“So, you make me walk in the cold for hours and hours?”

“We walked for ten minutes!!” James exclaimed! “Wuss!”

Laughing, Lily pushed James backwards on the snow but he grabbed her wrist at the last second and pulled her down with him. They tumbled together into the snow, laughing like children.

“I wanted you alone because I wanted to give you something,” James said as they calmed down.

“What is it?” Lily asked.

James reached into his pocket. “I just want you to have this,” he gently took hold of her hand,” so you remember that you aren't alone anymore.” He dropped a small silver ring with the initials L & J engraved in fancy script. On the inner band of the ring was another inscription: I love you always. ~James

Lily felt happy tears spring to her eyes as she slid the ring on her right hand. She knew she had found an amazing person in James, something she had never expected.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Of course,” James whispered as he nuzzled her neck.

Lily smiled and kissed James again as light snow began to fall around them.

The brave snowball soldiers trooped into the Three Broomsticks, desperate for something warm. Spike, Autumn, Sirius and Remus sat at a large table by the window and ordered a round of butterbeers.

“Anyone notice we lost a couple people?” Remus asked as he shook several inches of snow out of his hair.

“You mean James and Lily?” Autumn said. “I buried them alive under the snow.”

“Shut up!” Remus tossed his napkin in her general direction.

“Seriously,” Sirius said.

“They snuck off during the war,” Spike said.

“Oh.” Sirius became very interested in examining his drink, which of course everyone noticed but all were too tactful to mention.

Autumn cleared her throat. “So. . .” Naturally, she couldn't find anything to say. The silence was thick and uncomfortable. Sirius stared into his glass, Autumn fiddled with the napkin Remus has tossed her, Spike's lips twitched, and Remus played with a loose thread on his robes.

“So . . . what did you guys get at Zonko's?” Autumn finally asked.

“Oh, man!” Spike cried. Sirius and Remus broke into laughter.

“We left our stuff there to join the snowball fight,” Sirius said. He looked much more relaxed all of a sudden. He and Spike rose from their chairs, Spike chugging his entire butterbeer in one gulp.

“Now you're going to burp,” Autumn grinned at her twin. Spike just winked at her.

“We'll be back,” Sirius said.

“We'll miss you,” Remus joked. Sirius paused and glared at his friend.

“Eat dirt, Moony.”

“That's it?! That's the best comeback you could come up with?!” Remus cried to their retreating backs.

“Well, that was fun,” he commented after they had made their exit.

“Here's to the randomness.” Autumn raised her glass.

“Cheers,” Remus smiled. He clinked his glass with Autumn's and took a swig of butterbeer.

“So, what are your plans for the holidays?” Autumn asked.

“Loaf about the castle and pretend to look cool. You?”

“Pretty much the same thing,” she said. “Spike and I decided to have a peaceful Christmas, instead of dealing with the annual family reunion.”

“Peace? At Hogwarts?” Remus raised an eyebrow at her.

“Hey, I can dream,” Autumn said defensively. Remus chuckled and leaned back in his chair. He surveyed Autumn momentarily.

“You're staying to keep an eye on Lily.” It wasn't a question.

“Yeah,” she admitted. “I won't breathe until school is over.”

“You're a good friend,” Remus said quietly.

“I try to be,” she said. Autumn looked Remus in the eye, and another silence fell; but this one was very different from the one before. Remus broke his gaze away from her and took another sip of his drink. The talk turned to simpler things, and they stayed together in the warmth of the bar enjoying each other's company.

30. One Week Later

------------------ One Week Later ---------------

“CHRISTMAS VACATION ROCKS MY SOCKS!! WOOOO!!!!”

Sirius's yells rang through the Great Hall, earning a few appreciative laughs from the students that remained for the holidays. Sirius caught sight of James, Lily, Peter and Remus gathered at their usual table, and he wandered over to greet them.

“Gee, Padfoot, tell us how you really feel” James quipped.

“Yeah, we somehow didn't quite catch that,” Peter said.

“Oh. All right then.” Sirius jumped onto the table, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled at the top of his lungs.

“CHRISTMAS VACATION ROC--” Remus and James tackled Sirius and they collapsed on the table, knocking over plates and goblets.

“Get off me! You asked!” Sirius cried. “Get OFF!” The boys laughed and kept wrestling on the table top.

“Cripes,” Peter muttered. “Bloody children, they are.” Amid all the commotion, however, no one heard him. He got up from the table just as James' elbow overturned his plate full of food. Lily was red in the face, clutching her ribs and trying to breathe through her laughter.

“OH, it hurts! It hurts!” she cried. Tears of mirth were streaming down her face.

“Then stop laughing” Peter grinned.

“I can't!” Lily doubled over and clutched Peter's arm for support, her laughter out of control. Peter smiled and gently patted her back.

“It's going to be ok, Lily. We have a nice room for you, with soft padded walls,” Peter said encouragingly. Lily laughed even harder and leaned fully onto Peter. She was so close he could smell her hair. . .

“Oh my lord.” The twins had arrived Autumn was staring open-mouthed at the scene before her. Spike's eyes were alive with excitement.

“Excellent!” He looked at his sister, who grinned and nodded.

“BONZAI!” Spike yelled.

“DOG PILE!!” Autumn screamed. They both launched themselves from where they stood three feet from the table, flew through the air, and cannonballed themselves onto the pile of wrestling boys. Their collision caused the entire table to turn over onto its side and everyone spilled onto the floor.

Lily and Peter were both in complete hysterics; clutching each other and watching the pile of people roll around on the ground amid dishes and food and spilled drink.

“Well, look at the simpletons acting like their pig forefathers.” The wrestling and laughter stopped. Standing behind Lily and peter were Bellatrix, Lucius, Severus and Calista. Lily's grip on Peter's arm tightened and she went noticeably pale. She couldn't take her eyes off of Lucius; the pale monster of her nightmares.

“Get bent, Malfoy.” Spike was the first to stand and pull out his wand. James went to stand behind Lily and put his hands on her shoulders. Sirius was at her side, Autumn and Remus behind Spike. All had their wands out except Lily, who was frozen, and Peter, whom no one noticed.

“Now, now, children,” Bellatrix said. “We wouldn't want to cause a ruckus in the Great Hall . . . with witnesses!” she said pointedly to Lucius. Lucius acknowledged her with a graceful nod of his head.

“We just came to say, Happy Christmas,” he said sarcastically. He let his eyes trail to Lily before he turned and led his band of Slytherins out of the Hall.

“I can't believe they didn't expel him!” Autumn was so angry she was shaking, her wand emitting blue sparks uncontrollably. Remus put a soothing hand on her arm and gently took her wand away from her.

“His parents went to the school governors,” Spike said softly.

“Figures,” Sirius muttered. “I guess money really can buy everything.”

“But Lily gave her testimony to the governors,” Remus said.

“They passed it off as lies,” Spike said.

“How can they pass off what happened as lies?!” Sirius exclaimed. “He attacked her! We all saw him!”

“I wonder why we weren't called as witnesses,” Remus wondered.

“Malfoy's parents pinned the entire thing on Lily's medication and even convinced the school governors she had hurt herself during her reaction.” Spike was quiet, but the fury was evident in his voice.

“Can we please talk about something else,” James said sharply. Everyone turned; Lily was still very white and was staring at the floor with a heartbroken look on her face.

“Sorry, Lily-girl,” Sirius said quietly. The others muttered their apologies behind him.

“Let's go take a walk, love.” James held out his hand to Lily, and she took it gratefully. James nodded to the others as they left the Great Hall together.

“And here I was thinking the worst was over,” Autumn said. No one else said anything, but they were all thinking along the same lines. They had been living in a peaceful dreamland, and now they were back to the harsh reality. Whatever was happening between the two groups, it wasn't over.

~~Christmas Eve ~~

The pale gray light of the early dawn crept into the Shrieking Shack. Remus stretched and opened his eyes.

“Why am I always on the floor? You'd think I'd have the sense to fall asleep on the friggin bed!!” he muttered aloud. There was a snort of laughter from above him and as he rolled over, he saw Calista sitting, cross-legged on the bed.

“I didn't think you'd be here,” he said softly and Calista just shrugged.

“I didn't think you wanted me here,” she said softly as she fiddled with a large hole in the thin blanket, not looking at him.

It was the day after the third night of the full moon. Remus had become very accustomed to having Calista there when he woke up, indeed, he even looked forward to having her there, but the past two days he had awakened to no one. He told himself that it was all right that she wasn't there, that these morning visits didn't mean much and besides, he was mad at her. Yet here she was, and his heart was warmed by the sight of her.

“It's good to see you,” he said now, even softer than he had spoken before.

“I thought you were mad at me,” she said.

“I was.”

Calista's eyes flicked to his face, “Oh,” then darted back to the blanket. Remus grabbed his cloak and wrapped it around himself like a toga, then sat next to Calista on the bed.

“What's wrong?”

“You keep asking me that!” she cried frustrated. “There is nothing wrong!”

“Then why won't you be seen with me? Why won't you talk to me in school? Why do you insist we hide ourselves in this miserable little hovel?”

Calista had gone very still, her fingers no longer twiddling with the blanket. To Remus, she looked even paler than normal. I wonder if she's sick?

“What we have . . .” her voice was very small. It sounded as though she had rehearsed what she was about to say a thousand times.

“What we have is not supposed to be,” she said. “This is wrong. You know we don't belong together. We're too different. We—“

Remus silenced her with a small, delicate kiss. He pulled back just enough to whisper to her before he kissed her again.

“I don't care.”

~ Christmas Morning ~

“This is so not cool!” Sirius yelled. It was Christmas morning and he was finding himself in a bit of a tangle.

“I am not kidding! Lily! Autumn! Knock it off!”

“Aww, c'mon, Padfoot old boy.” James voice was coming from somewhere on Sirius's left side. “Don't tell me you think having two gorgeous girls tie you up is a bad thing!!”

“When I imagined being tied up, it wasn't like this!!!”

In a moment of child-like Christmas spirit, Lily and Autumn had decided to take all their ribbons and paper from their now-unwrapped gifts and turn Sirius into a human gift. He was covered from head to toe with wrapping paper and now the girls were finishing the whole thing off by tying a large red sating bow around Sirius's midriff. Peter and Remus were not helping matters any; they kept bringing the girls more wrapping paper to use.

“This is the most insulting thing. . .” Sirius grumbled. In truth, he actually didn't care. The situation actually struck him as being very funny, but he felt that if he didn't protest, he'd never live it down.

“Turn him around,” he heard Lily say and felt himself being lifted off the ground. He was turned in the air until he found himself facing his friends, with Spike dead center holding his camera.

“Aww, man!” Too late. Spike had snapped the picture already. He took several more as well, Sirius making faces for the last few.

“Let's go! “ Peter cried.

“Hey, Pete, this party is just getting started,” Spike said. Peter cringed inside; he hated being called Peter almost as much as Calista hated being called Cali, though he did not know this.

“But it's time to eat,” he whined. “FOOOOOOD!!”

“Food? Where?!” Sirius swiveled his head back and forth as though looking for food. James cracked up at the sight of his best friend with a bow in his hair.

“I've got to send a picture of this to my mom,” he said.

“Oh, good. Give Natalie more ammunition to torment me with!!” Sirius groaned and closed his eyes in complete mortification. Since Sirius had moved in with James, Natalie Potter had never ceased to tease him about anything and everything. She said she was making up for the first sixteen years of his life, and Sirius loved every second of it. Natalie was more of a mother to him than his own had ever been.

“OK, people, you've had your fun,” he said. “Now unwrap me so I can go eat.”

“Depends on what we'll find when we unwrap you,” Autumn said slyly.

“EEW!” James, Remus, Peter and Spike cried out in unison.

“Autumn!” Lily gasped.

“What?” Autumn said innocently. “I'm just curious!”

“I'm leaving,” Lily said. She left the room trying very hard not to let her imagination run away with her. Bad Lily. Baaad Lily. . .

“Wait up Lily-bean!” James was right behind her. He grabbed her just as they reached the portrait hole, picked her up from behind and swung her around in a circle before kissing her head and setting her down again. Laughing, Lily took his hand and led him into the hallway.

“Tough luck, Padfoot,” Peter said as he followed Lily and James.

“You guys can't leave me here!!” Sirius yelped. “Come on!”

Spike said nothing; he just laughed his way outside. Remus and Autumn were left holding each other and laughing at Sirius

“Please unwrap me,” he said in his most pitiful voice.

“Hmmm,” Remus said. “I think you look cute like that, Black.”

“When I get out of this. . .”

“If you get out of this,” Remus interjected.

Sirius sighed and turned imploring eyes to Autumn. “Please?” he begged her. Autumn grinned and pretended not to hear him.

“All right. Autumn, if you unwrap me I'll give you chocolate!”

Autumn was on him in a flash, tearing at the wrapping paper while Remus tried not to have a heart attack from laughing. Sirius's limbs were free in seconds.

“Thank you!” Sirius flung his arms around Autumn and stuck his tongue out at Remus. She stopped him when he reached for the bow in his hair.

“The bow stays,” she insisted.

“You're on crack, woman,” Sirius retorted.

“Want some?” she offered

Sirius, Autumn and Remus cracked up. They were completely in the Christmas spirit and didn't mind being extra-silly.

“FOOD!!” Sirius ran screaming from the common room and out the portrait hole; tearing the bow from his hair and flinging it back inside as he went. Remus and Autumn could hear him screaming for food all the way down the hall. Remus laughed at his friend's antics as he crossed to Autumn and offered her a hand.

“Thanks,” she said as he helped her up. “Hey Remus. . . “

“Yeah?”

“Remember, back in the Three Broomsticks. . . “

“Yeah.” Remus grinned. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, and was very eager for it.

“Remember what we talked about?”

“No. Not at all. Uh-uh.”

“Oh,” Autumn said. “Well, we were—“

“I remember idiot!” Remus laughed and Autumn playfully swatted him on the arm.

“Prat!”

“Of course I will,” Remus said. Autumn's eyes widened at she couldn't help smiling a big, goofy grin.

“Really?” she squealed. “Oh Remus, you're amazing!” She squeezed Remus in a bone-crushing hug and planted a big kiss on his cheek.

“We just have to keep this quiet,” he said when she had let him go.

“Naturally.” Autumn dropped him a wink and they went down to the Great Hall together.

********

The woods were darker than normal tonight. There were none of the sounds that usually accompanied the forest, only this low, unearthly chant. Calista tried to see what was happening, but she couldn't move. Thick ropes were binding her to something hard and cold that felt like stone, but she wasn't entirely sure. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she wished that whoever was making that awful racket would stop.

A figure appeared in the darkness, tall and hooded. Calista was paralysed with the fear that she would see red eyes burning like hellfire under that hood, but it was too dark to tell. The person raised their right hand into the air and then spoke to the night in a voice Calista knew but could not quite place.

“Behold the sacrifice!”

The hand plunged down and Calista did not realize they were holding a knife until it was buried deep inside her belly. She screamed; there had never in her life been pain like this; and at that moment there was a flash of lightening and Calista looked up into the cold, dead eyes of Sara Brown. She screamed again and looked around her dormitory's room in terror.

She was drenched in sweat, the bedclothes tangled at her feet and her heart pounding as though she had run a marathon. She leaned back against the pillows and brushed her damp hair away from her head with a shaking hand. Her stomach had apparently decided to join a gymnastics team by the flips it was doing inside of her and if it didn't stop soon she was going to be ill all over her bed.

Calista's nightmares were growing steadily worse. This last was so vivid she could have sworn the hills were actually alive with the sound of music. OK, time to get a decent potion for dreamless sleep. Yes, that was a good idea. She could make up some excuse to the nurse and then the dreams would go away.

She tossed the tangled blankets off of her and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She stepped into the moonlight and saw what it had been too dark to see earlier: the rope burns on her arms and legs.

**********

Christmas dinner had come and gone and night found Sirius, Autumn, Remus, James and Lily gathered around the fire in their common room, just relaxing and enjoying each other's company. Peter had gone to bed ages ago and even Spike had crashed early. The boys were singing Christmas carols at the top of their lungs, changing the lyrics to suit themselves. Lily and Autumn were in hysterics not just because of the words, but from the singing itself. What Sirius lacked in pitch he made up for in volume and his off-key caterwauling echoed off the walls with gusto.

After the last verse of “Oh Golden Snitch” (sung to the tune of “Oh Holy Night”) had been sung, Lily yawned and stretched her arms over her head.

“So tired,” she mumbled.

“Guess that means Lily's done for the day,” Remus said.

“Oh yeah,” Lily replied. She stood and kissed James on his forehead. “Night.”

“Night, love,” James whispered.

Lily waved to the others and made her way up the stairs, very eager to greet her bed. James stood as well.

“I think I'm done too,” he said.

“Before you go, I have something to show you,” Sirius said, leapt top his feet and gestured for James to follow him outside.

“Uh-oh.” James rolled his eyes at Remus before following Sirius into the hall. Once the portrait had swung shut behind them, Autumn turned to Remus.

“How come we never get to play?” she asked. Remus just shrugged; he was too tired to even think straight. Autumn, however, was completely wired.

“Did you do it?” she asked.

“Of course I did,” Remus said. He pointed with his wand to the ceiling. Autumn followed and her face widened into a huge grin.

“Do you think it'll actually work, Remus?”

“Well, I've heard better plans, to be perfectly honest,” he said. “But I've also heard worse. We'll see soon, won't we? DO you know what you're going to say?”

“Not a clue,” Autumn said nervously. “I was thinking I'll just wing it.”

“Wing it?”

“Yeah, you know, improvise.”

“Lord help us.” Remus raised his eyes to the heavens and prayed for mercy. Autumn laughed and threw a piece of chocolate at him. Remus caught it in his hands and grinned at Autumn.

“I think you're going to want that.” He tossed it back to Autumn, who gave him her mischievous grin.

“Dirty!” she scolded him.

“You know it. I'm off.” Remus hopped over the back of the sofa and wandered over to his staircase. “Have fun.” He winked at Autumn over his shoulder before he disappeared up the stairs, the sound of her laughter following him as he went.

*************

“OK, Padfoot, what's going on?”

Sirius sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I --- well, I don't have anything to show you. I just wanted to talk,” he said to the floor. James folded his arms and leaned casually against the wall.

“So talk.”

“It's about Lily.”

Sirius could feel James go tense, even though the boy didn't move at all. James didn't say anything, so Sirius took a deep breath and plunged ahead.

“I just want you to know it's over.”

James gave Sirius a very confused look. “I'm lost.”

“What I feel - what I felt,” Sirius quickly corrected himself, “that's all passed now. Lily is just. . . Lily to me now. I don't have those feelings for her any more. That's behind me now. I just wanted to let you know,” Sirius finished quietly, once again looking at the floor. James was still for a moment, considering what his best friend had just told him. Sirius held his breath while he waited for James to respond.

James grinned and smacked Sirius on the arm.

“Breath a little, Padfoot. All is well,” James said happily. Sirius let out his breath and smiled at his best friend, the past neatly buried at last.

“So, we're ok?” Sirius just wanted to make sure James had swallowed his lies.

“Of course we are,” James reassured him. Sirius slung his arm around James' neck and they walked back into the common room together. They found that everyone had gone to bed except Autumn. She was lounging on the couch, tossing empty candy wrappers into the fire.

“Was it cool?” she asked.

“Huh?” The boys exchanged confused looks.

“What Sirius wanted to show you,” she said to James. “Was it cool?”

“Oh!” The mental light bulb went on inside James' head. “No, it was completely lame, actually.” James ducked to avoid getting hit in the head by Sirius and ran laughing up the stairs to his dorm room.

“Slytherin wannabe!” Sirius called after him. He turned to Autumn, who was giving him a very strange look. “What?”

“Your insults have more bark than bite,” she said.

“That's a nice way of putting it.”

“You're right. They suck.”

“Thanks, Autumn.”

“Anytime.”

Sirius plopped onto the sofa next to her and looked from Autumn to the fire and back again. “Having fun?”

“Loads.”

“Hey now,” Sirius held up his hands. “Let's stop this crazy whirligig of fun. I'm dizzy.”

“Shut up,” Autumn smiled. “Hey, you owe me chocolate, Black! Don't think I haven't forgotten.”

“True and I always repay my debts,” Sirius said gallantly. He searched his pockets but came up empty. He grinned sheepishly at Autumn.

“My supply seems to have run out,” he said.

“I feel robbed,” Autumn said. She leaned her head back against the sofa and gazed at the ceiling. A tiny smile played upon her lips. “Of course, there are other ways to pay me back.”

“Such as?” Sirius was suddenly suspicious. If this was one of Autumn's pranks. . .

Autumn just smiled and pointed to the ceiling. Sirius looked up and inwardly groaned. Mistletoe.

“You planned this,” he said accusingly.

“Who me?” Her false innocent act never worked, but Sirius had to admit she was very cute when she tried to do it.

“Yes, you,” he said pointedly.

“Hey I didn't put it there,” she said. Sirius kept looking at her until she cracked. “Remus did.”

“That little--! I swear, he's as bad as a woman sometimes.”

“What is that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing,” Sirius said quickly. Autumn continued to glare at him so to divert her from killing him he said the first thing that came into his head.

“If you kill me, how am I supposed to kiss you?”

“Who said anything about kissing?” Autumn asked coyly.

“I just assume that's what one does when one is under mistletoe,” Sirius said, playing along.

“Oh, well, I'd hate to break tradition.”

“Me too,” Sirius said quietly. It was just one kiss, it couldn't hurt.

Sirius and Autumn did not make it to their beds until the early hours of the morning. Both went to sleep much happier than either had expected.

*********************

It had been a wonderful Christmas, full of laughter and smiles. For the first time in a long time, there was a day with no problems, no worries. There was no whisper from the shadows to hint of the darkness that was to come, only light. It was the perfect day.

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31. January Walks...

Chapter 29: January Walks and Another Azkaban Interlude

By the time school resumed in January, the snow had lost its splendor and the students were wishing for summer to bring its warmth to them again. It was bitterly cold and dank, the snow nothing more than slush now and even the sun itself brought no warmth.

Lily was standing by Sara's tombstone again. The wind whipped her hair away from her face and stung her eyes, but she was still here, same as always. But this time . . . this time, Lily found herself with nothing to say. Oh, there was plenty to talk about in her life, but what to say? That was the tricky part.

Should I tell Sara about how happy I am these days? How James makes the sun shine? How thinking about you doesn't hurt me anymore? Lily didn't have the heart to fully admit it yet, but she was moving on and Sarah was becoming a memory. A precious, wonderful memory that Lily would hold dear to all her life, but still, just a memory. It happened to all the dead, eventually. They were always left behind.

*******************

James stood behind a large pillar and watched Lily stand by Sara's grave. She doesn't realize how beautiful she is, he thought. Her devotion to her friends was one of the many things James adored about Lily. Yet her refusal to move on from past events both touched and worried him: touched because of her obvious love for Sara, worried because she seemed scarred by a deeper evil he did not yet know about. Whatever Lucius had done to her was severe enough that Lily didn't seem whole yet. She still had not healed, and the worst part was that if she continued to stay silent, James wasn't sure if he could help her.

*******************

The raven watched as Sirius stepped out into the chill air and took a deep breath, his head thrown back and eyes closed. He stepped off the path, as he always did, and wandered through ankle deep snow. He didn't seem to be going anywhere; he was just walking. The raven followed, as always, but it was bored with this assignment and wanted something more to do than follow the boy around like a shadow. His master, however, was a harsh master, and so he followed. To what point, he did not know. To the raven, however, the ending did not matter as long as the journey was interesting enough. The wiles of humans never interested him much anyway.

Humans, he had learned, were petty creatures. They had become so accustomed to achieving their own desires that they had forgotten how to survive. Simple-minded beings, they seemed. Survival would come back to them soon enough. If it didn't, the humans would never survive what the red eyes would bring them.

Once again, that was not the raven's problem. It raven had to survive, and so it watched, nothing more than an ink black shadow against the driven snow, never noticed but always there. The spy for the monsters.

*****************

Sirius just walked with no destination in mind. In the past, these walks were taken to clear his mind of the turmoil that lived there. This walk, however, was just for him to enjoy the day. It had been so long since he had enjoyed anything.

The ongoing war between his group of Gryffindors and Severus' Slytherins had seemed to reach a kind of stalemate. The Slytherins had reduced their hatred to condescending glares across the Great Hall, which Sirius and his comrades found it very easy to ignore. In the back of his mind, he knew that the Slytherins were just waiting for something, but Sirius was too caught up in the new whirl of life to care.

Lily Evans still danced in the fevered heat of his dreams. There, no James existed to stand between Sirius and the red-haired vixen his heart so longed for. In the dark watches of the night, Lily was all his.

Yet daylight brought another story, one Sirius had never expected. Since Christmas Day, he had found himself drawn more and more to Autumn. Here was a spunky, vivacious, talented, sweet girl who was clearly interested in him and had even gone so far as to drag Remus into her schemes to get him. That fact alone made Sirius laugh: he, along with everyone else, had thought Autumn fancied Remus! Imagine his surprise when, on confronting Remus on Boxing Day, he admitted that he was merely trying to help Sirius notice Autumn.

“You look as though you could do with some laughter, and Autumn provides that in spades,” Remus had said.

There was nothing solid between Sirius and Autumn yet; he was a bit nervous about it. It didn't seem right to lead Autumn on, while lusting after her friend at night. However, Remus had been right: Sirius was able to truly laugh with Autumn, something he had not done in a very long time. Sirius was becoming attracted to her, although he didn't want to admit it.

Autumn was becoming the miracle.

*********************

The Great Hall was packed with students gorging themselves on food, shouts and laughter echoing loudly off the walls. It left a ringing in Calista's ears; she did not enjoy being so lost in such a mass of students. It always made her feel a bit claustrophobic. She ate silently, now and then looking up from her plate to scan her fellow students. To the casual observer, it seemed as though she was trying to find someone in the massive throng of people, but no one ever observed Calista. None that she knew of, anyway.

Finally, during the desserts, a couple of chattering Ravenclaw girls left their table and Calista was able to see him. He was reading a book over his empty ice cream bowl while others talked around him. She took no notice of his friends; they were less than dirt to her. She only had eyes for her werewolf.

“What's wrong?”

“You keep asking me that!” she cried frustrated. “There is nothing wrong!”

“Then why won't you be seen with me? Why won't you talk to me in school? Why do you insist we hide ourselves in this miserable little hovel?”

She had gone very still, her fingers no longer twiddling with the blanket.

“What we have . . .” her voice was very small She hoped it didn't sound too rehearsed, even though she had spent hours in front of her mirror doing just that.

“What we have is not supposed to be,” she said. “This is wrong. You know we don't belong together. We're too different. We—“

He silenced her with a small, delicate kiss. He pulled back just enough to whisper to her before he kissed her again.

“I don't care.”

That was her sunshine, her own source of light in the darkness of her world. Calista kept crawling to that dilapidated little shack because those moments there belonged entirely to her and Remus and not even Severus Snape could take them from her.

She was in love with Remus Lupin. Completely, absolutely, totally in love. His innocence amazed her, his kindness warmed her soul. He was everything she was not, and yet she couldn't bear to tear herself away from him, despite whatever consequences may come.

"Close your heart, Calista, or you will just give them one more thing to destroy. They're like locusts, destroying everything in their path until there's nothing left to ruin. Only then will they finish each other. Then, maybe, the world will find peace. Until then, survive. Do what you have to, cut out whom you must. Caring about anyone will only ruin their life.

Narcissa's words rang in her head, invading her thoughts. No, she thought. Narcissa is wrong. Loving Remus will not hurt him, it will save me. Calista sought out Narcissa now, finding her next to Lucius, who was thoroughly ignoring her. So that was like being Narcissa Black: a trophy, a shadow to a man she did not love. Narcissa may have surrendered, but Calista was—

A very familiar hand touched Calista's shoulder. She gritted her teeth but did not cry out as she wanted to.

“Come with me,” Severus whispered into her ear. The feel of his breath on her made her skin crawl, but there was nothing she could do. She no longer bothered protesting, it only made him rougher.

She carefully placed her fork next to her plate, then whirled around and buried her knife into Severus' neck. Blood gushed out, streaming over her hands and spraying the walls. She wrenched the knife free and sank it again, this time into his chest. She watched his eyes glaze over, becoming empty, becoming nothing, as he fell to his knees before her. Calista released her knife and slowly turned to face to the Hogwarts students.

No one had paused in their movements; indeed, no one had even turned their way. They continued with their meal, as happy as ever, completely uncaring that a murder had just been performed right in front of their eyes. It did not matter to them, not at all. After all, the culprits were Slytherins and what else could be expected of Slytherins but murder and hate. . .

Calista was screaming but making no sound, not only invisible as always but now not even audible anymore. Why didn't they take notice of her? Was she so little to them that her taking of a life meant nothing?

Remus was staring at her, hatred darkening his usually sweet face. Hate was not an expression that suited Remus, it made him seem cold and ugly. Calista wanted to smack the expression off of his face. How dare he look at her like that! As if he had the right to judge her actions. What did he understand; he was just a lowly werewolf -

Calista put down her fork and her knife on either side of her plate, took one last swig of pumpkin juice from her golden goblet and stood to face Severus. She placed her hand in his without a word. She would not let him evoke any emotion from her; he would just use it against her later.

When his fingers didn't close over hers right away, as they always did, she looked at his face. Actually looked at his face, and what she saw startled her. By the sneering look he wore, it was obvious he knew every detail of the fantasy she had just had. She couldn't read the other part of his expression; did it almost seem like pity? But that was impossible because Calista knew that Severus Snape could not feel anything, let alone pity. Besides, she didn't care if he knew. She disappeared a little more each time he touched her; felt her life become darker with every kiss. Didn't he realize he was making love to one already dead?

***************

Lily watched them go, her eyes especially focused on the tiny Calista. Lily prided herself on being a fair, decent person; the only being she truly hated was Lucius Malfoy, and yet when she looked at Calista . . . she evoked a feeling that Lily could not put to words. It was something dark and sinister and even worse than that.

When Lily was twelve, she had come across Calista in the gardens, apparently tending to a dove that had broken its wing. She had been cradling the injured bird in her hands, staring at it with an almost compassionate look. Lily was very fond of animals, and also enjoyed the chance to talk to people she felt had the same compassion. She saw that in Calista's eyes and was about to approach the other girl when thin, pale hands swiftly clenched down on the bird, grasped the unbroken wing and bent it until Lily heard a snap echo throughout the dry fall air. Lily had stood hidden in the shadows, completely stunned that a human had the capability to be so cruel. What was even stranger, and somehow horrifying, was that Calista's face mirrored what Lily was feeling, as though hands and face belonged to two different beings. Lily had fled, silently, too afraid then for a confrontation and was positive Calista had never realized she was being watched.

Lily had rarely had contact with Calista in the five years that had passed since that day, speaking only when school demanded it. In fact, she made it a point to stay physically as far away from Calista as possible. Lily believed in evil, she believed in the maliciousness of Lucius' gang on miscreants in particular. It was no surprise to her that Calista had molded herself to them. She belonged there, with the serpents, as slimy and debaucherous and twisted as any Slytherin Lily had come across. Severus made Lily fear for her stomach, Lucius made her fear for her life, Bellatrix made her fear for her sanity. Calista, however, brought a feeling completely different.

She didn't realize her capacity for evil! She didn't understand that the darkness festering inside her, the darkness the Sorting Hat had obviously seen in her (for how else could she be in Slytherin?), that darkness was bound to rise to the surface someday and when that day came, that fetid blackness Calista would ooze, would overshadow the lesser doings of Bellatrix and Severus and even Lucius Malfoy himself. Calista made Lily fear for her soul and for the souls of anyone who dared to believe that any goodness could come from a creature like that.

That is what Lily knew about Calista Serene. Nothing but darkness would ever come from her; Lily knew it in her bones. Calista was death to all who tried to believe in her. At least Lily and her friends were safe from it. No one in Gryffindor was crazy enough to get mixed up with the likes of her.

~ Azkaban Prison ~

In all his years locked in this island of hell, Sirius had never imagined this face coming to see him. This horrid face that haunted his nightmares. Here was the one who had torn his group of friends to shreds; hunted and attacked until he, Sirius, and poor Remus were the only ones left. Sirius searched those eyes for any sign of a soul. There was none. There was no remorse, no cause for sympathy. There was only triumph as Sirius looked.

“Aren't you going to say hello?”

Sirius gritted his teeth. He did not want to speak; indeed, he almost missed the solitary confinement of his cell. Seeing this face before him, this wicked face that dared put on a mask of innocence during the light of day, increased all the pain of Sirius' miserable life in full force.

Here was the reason for everything, sitting before him: the reason Lily and James were gone, that Peter had turned, that Remus was out there alone. There was not a person in the world Sirius hated more than the face in front of him. Yet, he found himself swallowing his pride as he cleared his throat to finally speak.

“Hello, Lucius.”

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32. As You Wish

Chapter 30: As You Wish

~ 2 months later ~

It was another glorious, sunny day; the first really warm day in a long while. James stood in the main square of Hogsmeade and stretched his arms over his head, letting the sunlight soak into his skin and warm his bones. It had been a long, cold winter and today's unexpected warmth gave him a hope it was over at last.

Sirius' memory of the night of the murder was still non-existent. Even Dumbledore himself could not remove the Memory Charm placed on Sirius, and so he lived in a blissful ignorance of that night. Lily, although James knew she still missed her friend deeply, was smiling again. Laughter passing her lips was not so uncommon any more, and though she still had not divulged the details of Lucius' attack, she seemed more like her old self as the days wore on. More importantly, to James at least, Sirius' desire for Lily was apparently a thing of the past and their friendship was becoming more solid with each passing day. There were less awkward moments between the two boys; James could even talk about Lily without Sirius looking uncomfortable. The passion of Sirius and the murder of Sara Brown were no longer dominating the lives of James Potter and his motley crew of wizards.

At last, he thought, we can all start living again. He stretched his arms over his head as far as he could reach and tilted his face to greet the sun. Something tickled his ribs and he jerked around to face a giggling Lily and Remus.

“Not to disturb the moment or anything,” Remus said, “but why don't we get a move on?”

“Big date Moony?” James lightly smacked his friend on the arm and then took Lily's hand.

“Of course not.” James could have sworn Remus was blushing, but there were more pressing matters on his mind at the moment.

“Where's Sirius?”

“Filch caught Sirius walking around with a pocket full of Dungbombs. Now he's probably hanging upside down by his toes in the dungeons waiting for the pygmies to come and have their way with him,” Lily said airily.

“Otherwise known as detention.” James laughed and shook his head, marvelling at the stupidity of his best friend. Sirius was a wiz in classes, mostly without trying, but his lack of survival instincts was astounding.

“So, where are we off to today, kids?” Remus asked nonchalantly. James noticed Remus subtly scanning the sidewalks, as though he was looking for someone.

“DO you have a big date?” James furrowed his eyebrows at the boy, who was painfully aware of the scrutiny he suddenly found himself in.

“Why would you ask a thing like that?” Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and stared determinedly into the nearest shop window as though the items displayed could not be more interesting. Since it was a shop of women's maternity robes, James was not fooled.

“Spit it out, Moony old boy! Where've you been hiding her?”

“There is no her!” Remus insisted.

“Then why are you blushing like a schoolgirl?” Lily asked teasingly.

“I'm doing an impression of you whenever James looks at you,” Remus shot back. Lily narrowed her eyes at him and scrunched up her mouth in concentration.

“You need to get a bit pinker in your cheeks,” Lily deadpanned. There was a moment of silence before the three companions burst into laughter. The owner of the maternity shop came out and scowled at them, so they muffled their laughter in their hands and ducked inside the Three Broomsticks. They headed for their usual window table and settled into their chairs, ordering a round of butterbeers for which James, feeling exceptionally cheerful, decided to treat for.

“Where's Peter?” Remus asked suddenly.

“Beats me,” James shrugged. He saw Lily shrug carelessly out of the corner of his eye and gave her a look.

“What?” she said defensively. “I didn't say anything!”

It was no secret that she didn't care too much for Peter, but she at least tolerated his presence for James' sake. Both boys knew it, and Remus dropped her a wink before downing half his butterbeer with gusto.

“And no twins today either,” James said, dropping the subject of Peter. “I wonder what mayhem they're causing.”

“Sirius managed to pass Autumn his bag of Dungbombs while Filch had his back turned,” Remus said. “I wouldn't go near the entrance of the Slytherin common room for a while.”

James and Lily laughed at the thought of Autumn and Spike sabotaging the Slytherin entrance door with Dungbombs. It was just the sort of thing anyone in their group (with the exception of Lily, whom they had not yet managed to corrupt) would do, and had not done for some time. James took a swig of his butterbeer and leaned back in his chair, on arm resting on the back of Lily's while his fingers gently combed her hair as she and Remus talked of this and that. It seemed things were finally returning to normal.

********

“You want me to what?!” Peter hissed. He listened again, stunned, to what he deemed was the most ludicrous set of orders he had ever received.

“B-But I c-c-can't!” he stammered quietly. “They'll f-find out I'm inv-inv-v-vol—part of this for sure, and th-then I'm d-done for!”

“You will.”

To the casual observer, it would have looked like Peter was talking to himself in the shadows. He had been seen whispering to no one often enough so that most people took no notice of it anymore, although it came up in conversation once in a while for a good laugh.

They didn't know Peter was never alone, that Peter was indeed talking to someone, a someone no one else could see or hear. The voice rarely left Peter alone these days. It forever eavesdropped on his conversations and raped his mind for what little information he could give.

Peter heard the orders, but he could not quite believe what the voice was asking him to do. Murder was one thing, but this… this was worse than murder, worse than death itself. The Master had said so, and yet here he was, giving instructions for Peter to perform the very thing the Master had warned against. He didn't understand, but then, he rarely did. Service to the Master was service without question.

He sighed and bowed his head. “As you wish, Master,” he whispered, defeated once again by his dependency on his saviour of the dark. The voice gave a soft chuckle in his ear.

“Patience and obedience will always keep you in my favour. The rewards will come Wormtail. Do not doubt me, for I will raise you up to be a beacon in my order, a being that all will bow to, and all will envy and desire at once.”

A vision passed briefly in Peter's head, a woman of infinite loveliness, whose smile melted his heart and created a burning sensation deep in his belly. He wanted her, simply because she belonged to the one who he so longed to overshadow. When he was reflected in the glow of the Master, with her on his arm, the world would admire Peter as they had once admired him, and he would be the envy of all things, at last just as good as - no, better than the rest of them.

He spoke to the wind one last time, a man enslaved by his vision of the future.

“As you wish.”

**************

Spike watched, crouched underneath a grinning gargoyle with a bottle in his hand. He could have sworn that Peter was talking to himself again, but he was intrigued by the fact that Peter kept referring to a “Master” in his mutterings. I wonder if he's drunk a Babbling Beverage or something. He watched, silent as the shadow he hid in, as Peter rapped his knuckles on the wall, and then settled back to wait. For what, Spike couldn't guess, but it became apparent soon enough.

A secret door Spike had not known about (which of itself was something of a miracle) slid open and public enemy number one stepped out: Lucius Malfoy himself. He handed Peter something small, which Peter stuffed quickly in his pocket as he glanced furtively about. Peter handed something to Lucius, something silver that glinted in the light. . . Spike recognized it as Lily's charm bracelet, the one his sister had given her for Christmas. Peter must have swiped it somehow, but to give it to Malfoy would have to mean. . .

Spike's stomach began to churn, his supply of Dungbombs dropped forgotten from his hands. This was horrible, too horrible too be true. This simply could not be. . . Peter could not have. . .

Lucius drifted back into the shadows of the hall and the hidden entrance slid closed, leaving Peter standing alone in a ray of sunlight. Peter took a deep breath, clearly gathering his nerve for something, then turned on his heel and strode quickly out of sight, heading towards the Entrance Hall.

Like a cat, Spike crept out of his shadow and followed. He wanted answers, and if Peter was the way to them, then so be it.

A/N: Yes, three chapters in one day! What a shock! I felt I owed it to you, seeing as how I've neglected this story for so long. Trust me, my loyal friends, the neglect was not intentional. What with the Marauder's Hideaway being open, and my mod duties on DarkMark and Phoenix Prophecy, I've been rather busy. And that is just my online life! I won't even get into the real world (although if anyone wants to know the amusing story of the power outage my brothers and I played on our neighbourhood as a prank…)

Anyway, lame excuses aside, I swear to post the rest of this as quick as possible so I can get to posting the sequel here. SO, more frequent updates, and yes, I will try to make them longer. *crosses heart* Although, some feedback would be very helpful for me getting motivation…*wink*wink*nudge*nudge* :P

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33. A Visit of the Worst (or the Horror of Monday)

Chapter 31: A Visit of the Worst (or the Horror of Monday)

~Azkaban Prison~

Lucius Malfoy settled back in his chair and watched Sirius with a smirk of pleasure on his face. Sirius balled his hands into fists; if he struck out, as he so wanted to do, it would mean a month in the pit: a dank, dark hole dug into the earth just outside the main prison, very near the cemetery where inmates where buried. A steel door was fitted over the entrance, so you were left in darkness so thick you could not even see your own hand when you held it up in front of your face. You were left there, more alone than you were in your cell, to rot in your own filth, until the smell of it, mingled with the stench of death from the cemetery, became nearly unbearable and you longed for the kiss to set you free. There were creatures in the pit that were beyond description, for they were never actually seen, just felt. They felt you with limbs that evoked the most unnatural of creatures. Sirius had experienced it once, in his early years on the island when he still dreamt of a world outside of prison, back when he could still taste his freedom, and the experience was enough to chill the Dark Lord himself. He had no desire for a repeat performance and so he sat and let the blonde devil smirk.

“What do you want,” Sirius asked at last. “Surely this can't be a social call.”

“I'm here as a favor to the Minister,” Lucius said smugly. “I just thought I would see for myself the disgrace of the house of Black.”

“So you decided to grace me with your presence. How nice,” Sirius said sarcastically. “Remind me to send you a thank you card.”

“Tsk, tsk. Such a temper,” Lucius drawled. “It always did get you into the worst kinds of trouble.”

“You know nothing of my life,” Sirius hissed.

“I know more than you think,” Lucius said.

“Really?”

“You belong here, you know.”

“How so?”

“All blood traitors will meet their rewards eventually.”

“Nice sentiments.”

“I knew you'd appreciate them.”

“Why are you really here?” Sirius was tired of the inane chitchat. He wanted Lucius to go. His presence was a painful reminder of a past he was beginning to wish he didn't remember anymore.

Lucius fell silent and observed Sirius for a long moment, his eyes grazing over Sirius beard, his too thin frame, and his pale skin.

“You look so horrible you could pass for Calista Serene's twin,” Lucius said softly. Sirius narrowed his eyes in concentration. The name Calista was vaguely familiar, and the sound of it brought a slight chill to Sirius' bones, so he assumed her to be a part of Lucius' old crowd, even though he could not place a face with the name. Most unfortunately, Lucius realized this.

“You don't remember her, do you?”

“I don't remember a lot of things,” Sirius admitted quietly, though not without some level of defiance. A slow, twisted smile crossed Lucius' face, changing his handsome features into a mask of grotesque malice. It was a chilling sight, for Sirius had never seen the evil that festered inside Lucius present itself in this form. Lucius knew instantly that this bothered Sirius, and decided to use it for a bit of fun. Lucius leaned forward until he was nose to nose with Sirius. When he spoke, it was in a hissing whisper that curdled Sirius' blood.

“Remember now.” Before Sirius could stop him, Lucius had reached out one finger and touched Sirius' forehead. The contact was like a brand burning itself onto Sirius' memory and a thousand images flashed through his mind: Sara on the dais . . . the sickly form of Calista bringing the knife down over and over. . . Sirius, helpless to stop the slaughter, watching the blood spill out onto the grass . . . screams echoing through the night . . . red eyes . . . horrible red eyes. . .

With a jolt, Sirius found himself staring into Lucius' cold gray eyes, gasping for breath. He remembered . . . oh dear god, he remembered. . .

“You're going to die in here, Black. You will die, remembered only for the crimes you never committed, alone and friendless, and the best part is: the werewolf will have forgotten you and James' son will never know that you ever existed. And once you are thrown into that pit of a grave, left to decay in this forgotten island, the last remnants of your world will come crashing down. The Brown girl and your pathetic friends were only the first of many. The Dark Lord's most faithful will sacrifice Harry Potter for his crimes against us, but not before his suffering becomes a symbol of the greatness of the night. We will avenge our Master, and raise ourselves up until we overshadow all the world.”

Lucius paused, a glint in his eyes that only the maniacally possessed can have. He savored what he perceived as his moment of triumph before going in for the kill.

“Too bad the Mudblood died. I would have liked another taste.”

Sirius swung, his fist connected with the flesh of Lucius' jaw and both men went sprawling to the floor. Sirius clambered on top of the other man and with strength reborn brought down his fists again and again. He barely registered that Lucius was laughing underneath him; he just wanted to cause as much pain as possible. He ignored the sudden cold and tried to sweep aside the dead hands reaching out for him, but they had a strength he did not and they pulled him off and away from Lucius.

Panting, Sirius stopped trying to fight and glared at Lucius as he slowly climbed to his feet. It brought some satisfaction to see a black eye already forming and blood dripping from the corner of Lucius' mouth. Lucius wiped off the blood with the back of his hand and stared at its glistening redness before raising his cold eyes to Sirius' face.

“Be good now, Black,” he drawled. The dementors dragged Sirius from the room. He caught one last glimpse of Lucius before the door swung shut; Lucius, licking the blood from the back of his hand with an expression of sheer ecstasy on his face. Sirius' heart sank as the dementors led him outside. With evil like that in the world, there was no hope for any of those he still loved. The darkness would come back, and the world would fall.

Sirius was thrown into the cold, dank darkness of the pit, sinking a couple of inches into the slimy mud. He was helpless to stop the tears running down his face as the heavy steel door slammed shut above him, locking him in the desolate blackness of despair. He didn't even resist when he felt the creatures come out of their hiding places to inspect their visitor. There was no point anymore.

__________________________________________________________________________-

Death itself did not bother Peter Pettigrew, for he did not believe he would ever die. The Master had said . . . well, the Master had said many things, but now was not the time to dwell on them, not when there was work to be done. He had to be quick and do it now, while the majority of the students were milling about Hogsmede and the staff were otherwise occupied with their various goings-on. Still, death lingered in his mind as he stood before the grave of Sara Brown. He couldn't help it; he had taken the life of one girl and had observed the butcher of another. Death played a huge part of his life.

There was a flutter of wings nearby. Peter glanced up to see Lucius' raven perch in the branches of a nearby tree, watching him with those black, almost human eyes. It was strange to see a bird with a mind, yet there it was. Watching to make sure he did the job right, he supposed. Whatever.

Peter pulled out the vial of blue liquid Lucius had given him and yanked out the cork stopper. He dribbled it onto the base of the marker as he had been instructed, drawing out the correct Dark Runes with the liquid. He muttered a few choice words under his breath and waited, praying he had done it right. Master would kill him if he screwed this up. . .

Quiet moans echoed beneath the ground and a light shadow slowly rose up from the ground and gently swirled into the empty vial Peter held in his hand. He waited until the last specks of gray dust settled into the tiny bottle, then pushed the stopper back in. His work done, he turned and went back inside the castle. He never noticed the boy with spiky white-blonde hair following his every move.

One Week Later…..

“Monday,” Sirius said in disgust. “Monday.”

“Glad to know you've learned the days of the week,” James said.

“Shut up, Prongs.”

“Muahahahaha. . .”

“Oh, I'm shaking in my boots. Oh, the fear, the fear.” Sirius rolled his eyes and mimed shaking in terror. Peter was standing in James' shadow, gazing up at him with an expression of pure hero-worship and drooling over his and Sirius' every word. As usual. Remus stood a little ways off, completely absorbed in scanning the gardens. He's always doing that lately, Sirius thought. What's he looking for anyway?

“Greetings, gents,” Lily said as she joined the group. “Ready for another stimulating History of Magic lesson?” She casually linked her hand through James'. Sirius pretended seeing their clasped hands didn't send little pangs to his heart. Autumn, remember? On cue, Autumn and Spike wandered over. Autumn went and stood next to Sirius, though she did not reach for his hand. Whatever they had going on was so uncertain that neither was willing to push things to quickly, which somehow had included even holding hands.

“Stimulating Lily-girl?” Spike asked. “What class have you been going to?”

“The one in her head,” James said cheerfully. Lily whacked him on the shoulder.

“You call it class,” Peter said. “I call it nap time.”

“Every time is nap time for you, unless its lunch time. Or dinner,” Autumn said sagely. She smirked at Lily, who hid her smile in James' shoulder. Peter was the world's easiest target.

“Who are you looking for Remus?” James asked.

“Hmm?” Remus jerked as though he'd been dreaming and stared uncomprehendingly at his group of friends. Even Peter looked interested in what Remus had to say.

“I asked who you were looking for,” James repeated.

“Oh, no one,” Remus said distantly. James looked at Sirius, who shrugged his shoulders as if to say `I don't know.' Remus had been this way for several days now, and whatever was on his mind he wasn't telling, despite everyone's best efforts.

“Time to go in kiddies!” Sirius said as the door to their classroom swung open. Autumn groaned in dismay.

“Do we have to?” she whined.

“Sadly, yes,” Sirius said seriously.

“Lead me, oh wise one,” she grinned at him. Why can't I fall for someone like her? Why do I have to have a thing for my best friend's girl? Can't I choose who I fall in love with? He knew the answer to that last question, but he was still going to have a word with the Man in Charge when he made it to the afterlife.

“Ladies first,” he said now, and he swept his arm out, guiding Autumn into the classroom. She laughed and went in, followed by her brother, then James and Lily with Peter in quick succession. Sirius turned to Remus, who was gazing out over the landscape again with a lost look in his eyes.

“Moony?”

There was no answer. Remus was very much lost in his own world.

“Moony? Moony!!” Sirius poked Remus sharply in the back of the head, finally getting his attention. Remus scowled at Sirius and rubbed the back of his head.

“Wha-at?!”

“Are you coming?”

“Coming where?”

“To class,” Sirius said exasperatedly. This was not typical Remus behavior, and it was getting on Sirius' nerves.

“I think I'm skiving off today,” Remus said distantly.

I'm hearing things, Sirius thought. He stared at Remus, completely bewildered.

“Say again Moony?”

“I'm not going.” Remus said. It was like he was speaking to Sirius from far away, and he really didn't care if he was heard or not. Remus hefted his bag onto his shoulder and went off, down towards the Great Hall, leaving Sirius staring at his back, totally at a loss for words. Remus just ditched class. Remus Lupin, prefect extraordinaire, model student, just ditched class for no apparent reason. What the…?

Sirius went into his class. Lily had long since taken the seat next to James, so Sirius took the one behind him, next to Autumn. James tossed him an inquiring look, glancing to the empty seat on Sirius' other side.

“Moony left,” Sirius said simply. James' eyebrows disappeared into his flyaway hair, disbelieving. Sirius chuckled.

“Yeah,” he said, “do that for about five minutes and you'll be where I am now.”

“He just left,” Lily whispered. Binns had done his usual entrance through the blackboard and was beginning his droning lecture on the division of power among the fairy colonies.

“Yup,” Sirius shrugged. He dropped his bag on the ground next to his chair, then on an impulse grabbed Autumn's hand and held it tight. She smiled at him, then pretended to pay attention to Binns. She couldn't keep the smile off of her face, however and it made Sirius smile himself. He was so focused on the moment that he didn't notice the other unexpected occurrence of the day: Lily grabbing her things and abruptly leaving the classroom, to the ignorance of Binns and the shock of everybody else.

********

Remus went to the Great Hall and settled down at the Gryffindor table. He just wasn't in the mood to deal with Binns today. It was two weeks until full moon, and he was looking forward to his next midnight romp with his friends, but he was even more eagerly awaiting the morning after, when he could be with Calista again. She was invading his every thought. He dreamed of her when he slept, he imagined encounters with her when he was awake. He found himself constantly looking for her wherever he went, praying for just a glimpse of her.

He knew no one could possibly understand what they had, and so he kept Calista's wishes and said nothing to his friends. He didn't care if people didn't understand; he just wanted to be with her, plain and simple. Remus didn't quite get why Calista was so anxious to keep their relationship a secret, why she was so reluctant to let him in.

He knew she was hiding something, that there was some dark secret she wasn't telling him and that it was keeping them apart, but Remus had come to a very important decision: he no longer cared. He was tired of seeing her in the company of Severus Snape, especially when he knew she despised Snape as much as he did. Whatever secret she was keeping, surely it wasn't as horrible as she thought it was. Nothing was bad enough to keep them from being together, was it?

He saw her suddenly, walking past the large open doors that led to the Entrance Hall. That one glimpse was enough to make his arms ache for her and he stood and strode after her, leaving his bag on the table. The trouble was, he was not the only one who followed.

********

Severus crept quietly along the hall, following Lily Evans, who was following Remus Lupin, who was following Calista Serene. It was one big stalking party, no one aware that each was being followed, and Severus was not going to miss the chance to be a part of it. This promised to be good.

He was becoming very disappointed in Calista, who once upon a time had been the most twisted individual he had ever known. Her imagination was legend in Slytherin house, and now she spent all of her time weeping over a stinking werewolf. It was disgusting, truth be told. She had once had promise, could have been the Master's right hand if she had stayed on the path she had traveled, but now everything had changed. Severus knew she was carrying on in secret with Lupin, and that put their entire secret in danger. He was not willing to let her ruin everything for a chance fling with a Gryffindor monster.

He had tried to control her by forcing his dominion over her, and now he knew it hadn't worked. He had followed her on the last full moon, had seen her go into the Shrieking Shack and had watched, hidden in the very bush she had once hidden in, as she emerged in the daylight hand in hand with him.

It was over for Calista. If the Master didn't take care of it, he would. This would end one way or another.

*********

Binns droned on and on, unaware that one by one, his students fell asleep or lost themselves in daydreams. Sirius and Autumn, hands still linked, were having a whispered conversation. James was spinning a Galleon on the table, trying to see how long it would last before it fell over. Peter was asleep, head back, a spittle of drool dangling form the corner of his mouth. His snores mingled with a few others to echo throughout the classroom. Spike doodled on a bit of parchment, thinking things over in his mind.

Peter and Lucius are on cahoots about something. Lucius attacked Lily and the only one who didn't show up was Peter. Peter was also missing when. . . Spike's brain was still unwilling to link Peter to the murder of Sara Brown, but the more he mulled over it, the more painfully obvious it became. Peter was a traitor. Days of following Peter had made it plain; Spike just had to admit the truth to himself.

He knew he had to go to Dumbledore with his suspicions, but he needed solid proof or else suspicions and his own certainty would be all he would have to offer. If he went to the Headmaster without proof, and word got out about it; that would ruin everything. His group of friends was bound to be destroyed by this already; he didn't want to make it worse.

He needed to find the actual murderer. It was ludicrous, Peter's apparent involvement meant that the murderer was a student, but that was the truth of it. Autumn was too wrapped up in Sirius and their “non-relationship” to be of much help. It was sad, really: Spike knew Sirius Black was going to break her heart, he would kick Sirius' ass, they would move on and life would continue, but it was still unfortunate that it had to go down like that.

Spike would have to do it alone. Spike and Autumn were known for their esoteric knowledge of the incidents that happened at school, and they knew nothing of the events that surrounded Sara's death. Spike had had enough. It was time for some answers, and justice, and he would see it done if it was the last thing he ever did.

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34. Azkaban Interlude/Nightmare Proposals

Chapter 32: Azkaban Interlude/ Nightmare Proposals

~ 3 miles off the shore of Azkaban Prison~

Sirius paddled along as he had for hours now, occasionally stopping and letting himself float along in dog form to give his poor limbs a rest. He had not well prepared for his escape, but he had done it! He was out, and now all he had to do was reach the mainland and he could plan his next steps.

He hadn't given much consideration to what he would do after he got out, mostly because he never thought slipping through the bars as a dog would actually work. It was such a simple plan, it had to be the stupidest thing he'd ever thought of, yet it had done the trick. The dementors had not given him much thought when he was transformed, and so escape had been much easier than he had imagined.

It had been like a fever he could not get rid of: recognizing Peter in the newspaper and the realization that Peter was at Hogwarts, perfectly placed to perform another atrocious act that would be reminiscent of his own last days at Hogwarts.

Just a few more miles, he thought desperately. He had to make it to Harry. . .

*********

Lily,

Meet me on top of the Astronomy Tower at 11:30 tonight. Dress warm. I have something I want to show you.

All my love,

James

James folded the note and stuffed it in his bag. He would sneak off to the kitchens after class to make sure the arrangements for tonight were all set. It was going to be perfect. He was very nervous, but he knew that what he was going to ask was the right thing. The timing was perfect. He was going to make Lily the happiest she'd ever been. He just prayed she was as ready for this as he was.

********

Calista almost made it to the entrance to her common room. She had not been to a History of Magic class in months and didn't care if she passed. It was not important to her what happened in the lives of fairies. How was knowing their doings beneficial to her?

Something grabbed her arm and pulled her into a shadowy corner. Remus. She was very surprised to see him out of class and opened her mouth to say something about it to him when she felt his lips on hers and all conscious thought was driven from her mind. Remus was an amazing kisser, and it was very easy for her to lose herself in his arms. And what a smart thing to do, right outside your common room where Severus or Lucius or Bellatrix could walk by at any moment.

Oh god. She broke herself away from Remus and leaned back against the wall, panting. He still had her by the arms, and he trailed one finger along her jaw line and tilted her face up to his.

“Calista,” he murmured.

“Someone might see,” she whispered.

“I already told you I don't care anymore.”

“But--” Remus settled his lips on hers, ending the argument that she had never really put herself into. Caring about anyone will only ruin their life. Once again, Narcissa's warning rang through her mind.

Screw it. Calista wrapped her arms around Remus' neck and lost herself completely. Narcissa was wrong; escape was possible, especially with this man with her. She was not condemned to the life she had been forced into. She would survive this. No, they would survive this. She smiled against Remus' lips and her heart was lightened for the last time.

************

Lily saw, but she didn't believe. It was mind-boggling, yet there it was, plain as day. Remus Lupin and Calista Serene. The world was completely topsy-turvy if this was going on. How could Remus? Didn't he know what that girl was?

He either doesn't know or he's lost his mind and doesn't care, her mind decided. Her dear, sweet, sensible friend Remus was wrapped in the arms of the second most despicable person alive (in Lily's opinion) and in broad daylight in the open hall where anyone could see them! Lily half wondered what else the day would have in store for her, and then quickly decided she didn't want to know.

************

Severus watched the Lily watch the two lovebirds, not surprised but grimly accepting. He would have to settle things after all. He could never have imagined that things would be settled for him, exactly as he wanted.

***********

Remus finally broke for air, leaning his forehead against Calista's as both gasped for breath. She fits, he thought. She was made for me.

“Meet me in the Shrieking Shack tonight,” he whispered impulsively.

“It's not full moon,” she answered.

“I know.”

Calista smiled suddenly and flung her arms around him, holding him to her in a tight hug. He returned it gladly, touched by this small, unexpected display of affection.

“Will you come?” he whispered into her hair. He felt her nod against his neck. He smiled, then kissed the top of her head and gently disentangled himself from her. Calista leaned in and kissed him softly one last time, running her fingers through his hair, then let him go and drifted into her common room with a blissful smile on her face.

Remus waited until the door had swung shut behind her, and then turned to go back to the Great Hall but found his path blocked by Lily Evans. She had a look of complete disbelief on her face, mingled with what seemed to be the beginning of anger. What does she have to be angry about? he thought defensively.

“If you can't accept it Lily, then leave it alone,” he said abruptly. He strode off, leaving her staring after him with her mouth open like a fish. Neither of them saw Severus slink into the common room after Calista. He felt bad, leaving Lily like that, but it was his life and he was tired of hiding it.

***********

Night fell, and the castle took on an eerie stillness. In contrast to the warmth of the past few days, the night air carried winter's chill still. Lily remembered the last time it had felt this strange: the day of Lucius' first attack, and Sara's death that very night. She supposed she was just being fanciful, but seeing Remus and Calista like that had seemed an omen of something; she wasn't sure of what, exactly, but she knew in her bones something was coming.

It was almost enough to put her off seeing James tonight, but the note she had found on her bed had seemed very intriguing. So, she wrapped her black wool shawl around her shoulders and wandered over to the Astronomy Tower. Being Head Girl, she had the advantage of using the excuse that she was patrolling the corridors for errant students, but since she met no teachers on her way she did not have to.

She climbed the winding staircase and clambered up onto the deck of the Tower. What she saw made her gasp. On the center of the deck there was a large blanket and two cushions. There were candles everywhere, flames flickering despite the lack of wind. It was a romantic setting and Lily smiled. She knew James had a mushy romantic side, but this was beyond adorable.

Lily walked forward and settled herself on one of the soft cushions. Despite her happiness, she couldn't shake her feeling that the worst was just around the bend. But she could worry about that tomorrow. Tonight, she wanted to see what her James had in store for her.

************

Sirius sat on the couch in front of the Gryffindor fire, watching the last embers flicker and die, as he had so many times before. He had sat silently as Lily had left. He knew where she was going, what was worse, he knew what James' plan was and he could not muster up the dignity to be happy for his best friend. It required far too much effort, and so he sat with a stolen bottle of Old Ogden's Firewhiskey, mourning the loss of a chance he would never have.

***********

Autumn watched Sirius from the staircase. She knew he was drinking and she had a feeling she knew why. She knew Sirius didn't love her, didn't even return the attraction she felt for him. Time to be a big girl, Autumn. She would end it herself, before he got the chance, and they would stay friends, but it would never go beyond that. Why does nothing ever turn out like it should? she thought furiously.

She wanted to go cry to her brother, but Spike had vanished this evening, along with everyone else. Remus, Peter, James, Lily and now Spike; all had vanished. It was like everyone had their own agendas, which, she supposed, everyone did. The entire world knew James was going to propose tonight except for Lily, who could be charmingly oblivious when it came to her own relationship.

Watching Sirius drink himself into stupidity was too much and Autumn had no desire to be around in case he got a little out of hand and so she turned and quietly went up the stair to her own dormitory. A large chest inscribed with her name was at the foot of her bed and she crossed to it now and opened it. At first glance, it was filled with all the things a young girl would have: pictures of her friends, little keepsakes from boyfriends come and moved on, family mementos, trinkets from childhood she was too sentimental to throw away. She pulled out her favorite item: a fairy doll her Aunt Rowan had given her as a going-to-Hogwarts present when she was eleven. It had a light green dress and glittering purple and blue wings and it wore a little green hat. It always made her feel better, especially if she was sick or was unhappy. When she was eleven, she swore up and down to Spike that the doll came alive to watch over her, that it was a real fairy, but she had grown past the stage of believing in the living doll. Still, it brought her comfort, even at the old age of seventeen. She climbed into her bed and pulled the blankets up to her chin, doll tucked in the crook of her arm, fully prepared to sleep through the night.

**************

Lily sighed and checked her watch. 11:30 sharp, yet there was no sign of James. It was getting to be very cold. She pulled her shawl tighter around her shoulders and looked around her. The night was full of stars, their light dancing against the velvety blackness of the night sky. The half moon hung low over the nearby mountains, looking like it wanted to hide but not daring to leave. It was the kind of night Lily loved; star-gazing was a favorite pastime. It filled many summer nights when she wanted to get away from Petunia, so she climbed onto the roof of her little house and dreamed of a world far away from her bickering sister. Hogwarts was her escape. And after this year, it's all over, she realized.

There was a rustle behind her and she turned in her perch to see a grinning James emerging from the trap door, a large pitcher of butterbeer and two goblets in his hands. Lily gave a little laugh and clapped her hands, loving the cleverness of her James.

“Good idea, then?” he said as he settled on the cushion next to her.

“Brilliant!” she said. She gave him a peck on his cheek and took one of the golden goblets from him. He filled their glasses, then held his up.

“To us,” he said softly.

“To us.” Lily clinked her goblet against James' and took a small sip. The look he was giving her was evoking a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach and she looked away and out over the grounds.

“Nice Remus impersonation there, Lily-girl.”

Lily nearly choked on her butterbeer as she laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. She had completely forgotten to tell him about the shocking events of earlier.

“Speaking of our dear insane friend Remus, you will never in a million years--”

“Tell me in a sec, okay?” James interrupted softly.

“All right,” Lily said. James had a very serious look on his face, so she set her goblet down and gave him her full attention. “What is it you wanted to show me?”

“Actually, it's more something I need to talk to you about,” James said. He looked nervous, so Lily took his hand and smiled encouragingly. James took a deep breath and plunged in.

“I love you,” he said quietly. Lily waited for a moment and when James didn't continue let out a soft laugh.

“That's what this is all about?” she said. “Silly boy, I love you too.” She reached out and tenderly brushed a lock of hair away from his forehead.

“So will you marry me then?”

Complete silence. Lily was floored; had not even remotely seen this coming (Autumn's assumption that she was dense about her own relationship with James was very accurate). James pulled a blue velvet box out of his pocket, opened it, then held his breath.

The small but lovely diamond twinkled in the candlelight. Lily stared at it as she tried to remember how to breathe. This was her chance to escape the world of her sister and go to where she really belonged, and to go there with the man she loved. It was everything Lily had ever wanted in life.

“James. . . I can't.” Lily ran, leaving her shawl, her drink, her ring, and her James behind her.

**************

“So, Calista and Lupin? Why am I not entirely surprised?” Lucius was almost indifferent to what Severus was telling him. He'd had a feeling about her. . .

“I'm not sure how I should handle it,” Severus asked quietly.

“How you should handle it?” Lucius stopped in his tracks and turned a curious eyebrow to his companion. “This is no longer your problem. The Master left her in your control and you have failed to control her. I'll settle this matter with her.”

“Lucius--”

“No buts, Severus my friend. This is how it will be done.” Lucius put a hand on his friend's bony shoulder. “It's not your fault,” he said kindly. “She was never really one of us to begin with.”

“She could have been,” Severus said quietly.

“I suppose,” Lucius drawled, “but her potential for evil will never be realized now.”

“Will you go to the Master?”

“I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew about it,” Lucius said thoughtfully. “If the bird hasn't told him, then surely he picked it from the rat's mind.”

Severus gave a derisive snort. “IF he gets anything from that worthless mind it's a miracle.”

Lucius smiled and nodded. Both considered Peter to be of almost no worth, yet they knew the small boy had some steel in him. He had made his own sacrifice, after all, though the disposal of the body of Lauren O'Henry had been handled much better. And Peter had his uses, being the only Gryffindor in their little band. Still, they didn't see him as anything more than an annoying little twat.

“Meet me back here in an hour,” Lucius said now. Severus nodded and watched as Lucius strode into the forest, headed for the one safe place on the grounds, the place that was guarded against even Dumbledore, thanks to long ago efforts of Salazar Slytherin. There, it was safe to call to the Master.

A/N: Salutations everyone! I did a bit of tweaking on this chapter. I find myself doing that a lot lately. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited your feedback makes me, and I love that so many new people are latching onto this story. Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. I do feel the urge to respond to a couple of these reviews, so bear with me for a sec here, ok?

Milk Situation - you noticed my Les Mis references! I was stage managing the national tour when I wrote this story, so that's why there are so many. Pieces just seem to fit better in my head that way. You're the first person to ever notice that! Go you!

Anonymous - I wish I knew who you were, because then I could convince you that I'm not actually a prodigy. (Although thank you so much for the compliment!)

Silvynitelite - You're not the first one to oppose my Lily/Sirius shipping! I love that I got you hooked though.

I would love to be able to respond to everyone, but alas, the Powers That Be did not grant me enough time in the day to do so. Just know that I truly love all the feedback I get (yes, I am a review whore - I love them!!!) and you guys rock for sticking with my inconstant updating. I keep trying to update regularly, I swear! I am happy to say that the sequel is finished. Now I'm off writing a one shot that I may or may not be able to post, depending on what James and Nappa say. If not here, I will provide a link for anyone interested to read it when I get it posted.

Thanks for reading! --Jess

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35. Truth and Tears

Chapter 33: Truth and Tears

Lily burst into the common room, desperately trying to choke back the sobs that threatened to overtake her. Sirius looked up groggily from his nearly empty bottle of firewhiskey, his focus suddenly becoming much clearer when he saw the tears pouring down Lily's face.

“What happened?” he demanded of her. He was at her side in seconds, gently taking her arm and guiding her to the sofa. He quickly kicked the bottle under the sofa, but Lily, in her distress and to Sirius' great relief, had not noticed it.

“James asked me to marry him,” Lily sobbed quietly. I knew it.

“So, explain to me why that's a bad thing,” Sirius said softly.

“I can't marry him.”

“Do you love him?”

Lily sniffled and nodded. Sirius reached into his pocket and found a crumpled tissue which he handed to Lily. She dabbed at her red, watery eyes and gave a small hiccup.

“And you know he loves you?” Sirius continued. Lily nodded again.

“Then what's wrong?”

Lily stifled a sob. “I'm not good enough for him,” she cried.

“That's ridiculous,” Sirius scoffed. “You're perfect.” Whoops. He had spoken before he thought, and the silence that fell was a thick one. He was afraid to look Lily in the eye.

“No I'm not,” she whispered. “Lucius. . .”

A chill crept into Sirius' blood. Lucius. That slimy, skuzzy, sleazy scumbag was a part of this. He should have known they hadn't fully escaped the cloud of malice Malfoy spread.

“Lucius what?” It was not Sirius who spoke, but Lily appeared not to notice this and buried her face in Sirius' tissue. Sirius met James' eyes as he stood in the doorway, but James shook his head at Sirius, meaning `let Lily finish.' Sirius nodded and returned his attention to the redhead now sobbing on his shoulder.

“Lucius what?” Sirius repeated softly. He put his arm around her, knowing it was all right.

“Lucius ruined me.” It was barely loud enough to be a whisper, yet it rang through the room and tore up everything in its path. Sirius met James' eyes again as the meaning of Lily's words sank in and they realized exactly what Lucius had done to her that day so long ago. James crossed to Lily and sank to his knees before her, resting his hands on hers.

“Listen to me,” he said firmly. “Lucius did not ruin you. Sirius was right, you are perfect.” Good Lord, how long was he there? Sirius thought to himself.

“I loved you before,” James continued, “and I love you now and there is not a being on this earth who can take that away from us. Do you understand me?” Lily gave a small squeak and nodded, sniffling as she did.

“I want to spend my life with you,” James said. Sirius could see James' heart playing for everything at this moment and he desperately wanted to leave but knew he needed to stay. Life sucked sometimes, but bugger if he wasn't going to be here for his friends. He had wallowed long enough.

“Don't let Lucius Malfoy make you a victim forever,” James whispered. “Live, Lily. It's the best revenge you will ever have. If you live, no matter for how long, you triumph.”

Lily broke down into sobs and buried her face in James' chest. He wrapped his arms around her and settled himself on the couch next to her, gently rocking her back and forth. Sirius found himself wrapping his arms around them both and resting his head on Lily's back, rocking with them, letting Lily finally cry.

*****************

Autumn heard noises coming from the common room. Stupid. . . leave the door open. . . grumbling to herself, she threw off the bedcovers and crossed to the door, ready to slam it shut and crawl back into bed. The sobs she heard stopped her, though, and she listened for a moment before she realized that it was Lily she heard crying and it was not the happy sobs of a newly engaged woman but the cry of a despairing soul. Sobs coming from her best friend.

Autumn fled down the stairs, still clutching her fairy doll. She stopped at the foot of the staircase and looked in surprise on the scene before her: James, Lily and Sirius together, the boys holding Lily as she cried her heart out on James' shoulder.

She didn't care about the reason, she just knew that Lily needed her friends. Autumn crossed over to the trio, leaned over the back of the sofa and put one arm around Sirius and the other around James, grasping Lily's hand as it rested on James' back. She rested her head against Lily's head, humming a nameless tune as she rocked with her friends. My sweet Lily. Come hell or high water, we're here. Be not afraid.

*****************

Peter was up to something again, that was for certain. Spike crouched a few feet behind the small boy, glad for the darkness of the night. The half moon did not give off much glow tonight; its light was muted, dimmed somehow. It worked just fine for Spike.

He'd been hiding here for over an hour now, as Peter sat on a low garden wall and munched on a bag of Every Flavor Beans he'd brought. What is he waiting for? Spike thought impatiently. He'd never known Peter to sit still for this long, so he knew it was something of the utmost importance.

Spike shivered in the cold and wished he'd thought to bring a cloak with him on his little nighttime adventure, but no matter. Peter seemed cold as well; despite the cloak he wore, Peter kept rubbing his arm. No, it wasn't cold. . . On closer observation, Spike saw the boys face and he realized that Peter was in pain. That's interesting. . . He hunched closer to the ground and hugged himself, seeping all the warmth he could into his bones, and waited.

******************

As Lily's tears had slowed, she began talking in fits and spurts, revealing the details of Lucius' attack. Autumn, James and Sirius had not said a word, the had just listened as she spoke into James' shoulder, her voice staying soft yet becoming stronger as she went on. The more Lily talked, the more relaxed she became, yet the more Lily talked, the more tense her three companions became.

By the look in her eyes, Autumn was planning murder in her head and the boys were much farther along than that. But no one said a word as Lily finally ended her story and closed her eyes, letting the fabric of James' shirt soak up the last of her slow tears.

There was silence for a long time after Lily had finished speaking; the four friends just held onto each other, each silently offering their comfort and companionship. Lily, my love. I'll kill him for you. Sirius finally lifted his head slightly from Lily's hair to look at her face. Her eyes were closed, her breathing deep and even. She was asleep. He spent a moment lovingly going over the details of her face, and knew James was the luckiest guy in the world, and he, Sirius, needed to let go. He could love her forever, and it wouldn't make the slightet difference anymore. If I can't have her love me, I'll at least have her be my friend. It was time to let the past go; if Lily could release it at last, so could he.

Sirius nodded to James, who looked down upon the face of his sleeping beauty and smiled sadly. Sirius and Autumn disentangled themselves as James lay Lily down on the sofa. He softly kissed her cheek and brushed her hair away from her face as she slept. Autumn reached down and placed her fairy doll in Lily's arms as Sirius conjured a blanket with his wand and draped it over Lily.

“I say we bleed him like a stuck pig,” Autumn said harshly.

“Not enough pain involved,” James replied.

“Let's just leave it for now,” Sirius said quietly. James and Autumn looked at him strangely.

“When did you become the voice of reason?” Autumn asked.

“Remus isn't here, somebody has to do it,” Sirius shrugged.

“Hey,” James asked, “where is Moony anyway?”

A/N: Yes, I am aware of just how incredibly short this is! BUT!!!!! I plan on having the next part up in about 30 minutes or less or your money back! [/spaz moment] See, I reworked the next chapter. It's all Remus/Calista stuff, but it was split in two, with this section in between it, and I never liked it that way. OK, enough talking. Must update. It's all action from here on out kids! No more slow parts. From here on, we fly.

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36. Dark Marks

A/N: If you have not yet read chapter 33, do that first. I did two updates in something like 5 minutes, which can be confusing sometimes. *shuts up*

Chapter 34: Dark Marks

I sense there's something in the wind

That feels like tragedy's at hand

And though I'd like to stand by him

Can't shake this feeling that I have

The worst is just around the bend.

~lyrics from “Sally's Song”

from The Nightmare Before Christmas

Remus and Calista were lost in their own little world, safe inside the Shrieking Shack. They rested on the old bed, covered only now with blankets they had long ago brought specifically for their little rendezvous. It was very dark; they could only see the dim outlines of the other as they lay together. Remus had one arm underneath Calista, resting his hand on the small of her back. Her skin was powder soft under his fingers. He dropped kisses on her bare shoulder and down her arm, making her laugh. She had a nice laugh and he didn't hear it often enough for his liking.

Remus had fallen into the trap of everyone in love: he had lost sight of Calista's physical flaws. It happens when one discovers the inner substance of a person. It gives meaning to the phrase “never judge a book by its cover.” He knew he was in that trap and it was all right by him. Calista had accepted him for what he was, he would do the same for her with whatever she was keeping from him.

“Do I make you happy?” he asked her now.

“Yes,” she said in her scratchy voice. The timbre of her voice didn't bother Remus as it used to.

“Good,” Remus smiled in the dark, willing to leave it at that for now. He felt in the darkness for Calista's lips and kissed them softly. He felt her sigh against his mouth and kiss him back, her hand tightening on his arm. His hand gently rubbed her back as the kiss deepened, then he ran his fingers up her arm. His thumb brushed a rough patch of skin near her left elbow. It was like a flame under his thumb, searing hot, and it made Calista suck in her breath in a hiss, whether from the sudden flare of heat or from his touch, Remus didn't know. Calista broke the kiss and jerked her arm out of Remus' grasp, nuzzling her face in his neck.

“What is it?” he asked. If she was hurt. . .

“Nothing. It's nothing. Don't worry about it,'' Calista insisted. Her mind was reeling, trying desperately to think up an excuse, but she seemed to be stuck on oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. . .

“No, Cal, what's happened?” Remus shoved himself up on one elbow to try and see her in the dark, but there was just the outline of her body against his.

“I uh--- I got a bit careless in Potions class the other day, that's all,” she said hurriedly. Please, whatever reigns above us, let him buy that.

“You're not careless,” he said slowly. Damn you.

“Everyone has their moments,” she said, giving a nervous laugh.

“Does it hurt,” he asked. The concern in his voice made her want to weep.

“Not really,” she lied. She should have known Remus would spot the lie in her voice; they knew each other now better than anyone else did.

“Let me see.” His tone would brook no refusal and he grasped her left arm as he reached for his wand.

“No, Remus, it's all right, really--” Too late, Narcissa's voice once again rang in her mind, as it did so often. "And where, too, can you run that the Dark Mark will not follow you?”

“Lumos.” His wand tip flared into light, casting a soft glow around the bedchamber. There was no way out of it. The Master had called and the wandlight illuminated the black brand seared into Calista's pale skin.

“No. . . no. . . .”

“Remus, listen to me.” Let him understand, please.

“You couldn't --- you can't be ---”

“Remus, please--”

Remus was backing away from her, as far as the bed would allow. Calista stayed where she was, watching the horror seep into his face as he crawled away from her. She had to make him understand, she had to make him see that she'd had no choice.

“You're --- you're a--” He couldn't think, couldn't see, couldn't breathe. She was one of them, one of the ones Dumbledore had warned them all against. Never in all his imaginings had he envisioned this to be her secret.

Calista gasped and clutched her arm. The brand had burned again, causing more pain. She wanted to scratch her skin off but she had to talk to Remus.

“How could you? How could you?!”

“I had no choice,” she said softly.

“There's always a choice!” Remus sputtered.

“No, there isn't. You've never been in a situation like this, so you don't realize the world isn't always full of choices. It was join them or death. . . I'm too afraid to die.” She whispered the last part, her eyes distant and haunted. There were tears filling them when she looked back at Remus.

“Remus, please. . .” Calista reached out her hand to him. Remus jerked away so far that he tumbled off the bed.

“Don't touch me,” he said as he scrambled to his feet, staring at her hand as if it were the most repulsive thing he'd ever seen. He grabbed for his robes in the dim wandlight and pulled them over his head. Calista let her hand drop to her side and bit her lip.

“What have you done for them?”

“What?” Calista raised her head to gaze, confused, at Remus. He was staring at her as if he were meeting her for the first time. In three minutes, she had become worse than a stranger to him. Lily was right, he thought suddenly. Lily was right about her. Oh my God. . .

“What Lucius did to Lily --- you were involved in that, weren't you?” he accused her.

Calista stared at Remus for a long silent moment. He realized he was holding his breath as he waited, terrified of what she may tell him. Let me be wrong, please, please, please let me be wrong and then I'll apologize and take her in my arms and fix this, just let me be wrong, let me be wrong about this, please—Calista didn't speak, she simply nodded her head and Remus' heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

“How could you?” he demanded in a low voice. “Lily is my friend. How could you be a part of something so heinous?”

“I don't care about her,” Calista said impatiently, waving her hand to brush the issue of Lily Evans aside. “What happens to her is not my concern.”

“SHE'S MY FRIEND!” Remus screamed suddenly.

“But I told you!” Calista cried. “I told you I hated them, all of them, that I didn't care about them! They're nothing to me but you are everything to me and that's all I cared about!”

“If you care so much about me,” Remus said coldly, “then you're supposed to care about my friends too.”

“Why should I?” Calista swung her legs over the side of the bed and reached for her own robes. “They walk around lording themselves over the entire school, and we're all supposed to bow down and worship them as if they were gods!”

“No, that's supposed to be reserved for your Master, isn't it?”

“He is not my Master,” Calista said roughly. She struggled with the clasp on her robes as she stood unsteadily to her feet.

“That's his mark on your arm, isn't it? Why wear it if you don't believe in him?”

“I had to stay alive,” she said. “I didn't want to die, so I went thought their horrible initiation and performed their hideous sacrifice and now I do they're bidding and I wish I was dead, oh god how I wish I was dead, but I'm not strong enough to take my own life even though Narcissa said it was the only was to escape but I just can't and there's no where I can run to so what am I supposed to do about that?!” Calista didn't realize she was screaming, didn't realize there were tears streaming down her face as she revealed the horror of her life in a torrent of curses and sobs. She was babbling, but she could not stop until it was too late. She caught her breath and gazed with widened eyes upon the great love of her life, who was not looking at her face but gazing at her arm where he knew the mark was hidden under the fabric of her robe.

She waited to hear what he would have to say to her little outburst, and when he opened his mouth and spoke, she dies inside, for Remus had caught the one thing she had prayed, even after all that had come before, that he would never find out.

“What sacrifice?” Remus whispered. “What are you talking about?”

Calista had no words to tell him, and she found she didn't have to. She saw the wheels turning in his mind as he put the pieces of the puzzle together. The look on his face cut her sharper than Narcissa's knife would have. His mouth opened and closed a few times and he struggled to find words.

Remus' mind was reeling. He knew what she meant now, but he had to ask . . . he had to be sure . . . but how to speak? The thing he had to ask was the most horrible thing he'd ever thought of and to ask her now would take all the courage he had left.

“Sara?” he finally squeaked. Calista pressed her lips together and looked him straight in the eye as she nodded. Remus closed his eyes and let out a wail of despair as he sank to his knees. She's a murderer. She's a murderer. He rocked back and forth, moaning, his head in his hands, fists in his hair. She's a murderer. She's a murderer.

Remus had believed he could deal with whatever secret she had been hiding and now in the light he found he had been horribly wrong about everything. There was no good in Calista at all. There were arms around Remus now, holding him, and he leaned into Calista's shoulder.

“It was either me or her,” she sobbed quietly. “I had to. I had to, don't you see? I don't want to die. I don't want to die, I don't want to die,” she said over and over as she cried into his hair. Her tears mingled with his own as he lifted his face to hers and met her lips again, offering the only comfort he knew to give. She met his kiss fiercely, clinging to him for dear life. And I'm kissing a murderer - stop thinking of her like that - like what? That's what she is, Moony old boy. Remus broke away and shoved Calista from him. She fell back, her lank hair falling into her face.

“Remus--”

“No,” he said harshly. “No!” He stood quickly and stared down at her.

Calista found she wasn't crying anymore; she seemed to be beyond tears now. That was good; she hated crying. It made her feel weak.

“You murdered Sara,” Remus said.

“I told you--”

“You murdered Sara,” he said again.

“Remus--”

“You murdered Sara!!!” He screamed it in her face, making her shrink from him. “You're hateful! Evil!” he spat at her. “You took someone's life because you were too afraid to stand up for yourself and you let Malfoy hurt my friend and you don't even care! Do you care about anything?!”

“You.” It was whispered so softly Remus barely heard it, but it gave him pause. He couldn't stand to look at her anymore so he turned and leaned against the dresser. Behind him, he heard Calista climb to her feet.

“You knew what was going to happen to Lily and you did nothing to stop it,” Remus said.

“Why am I supposed to care about her?” Calista asked spitefully. “She had her friends to fawn over her and make her feel special.”

“We're talking about you deliberately keeping silent about something so awful--”

“I was going to tell you,” Calista said, “but you made me angry and so I said nothing. I thought that you and your little friends deserved what you got!”

“What are you—my god,” Remus said. He swung around to face her, anger making his face burn. “All this happened because I called you a Grim?! I shot my mouth off and so you let Malfoy nearly destroy my friend because I accidentally hurt your feelings?! Are you really that selfish?”

“So now I'm selfish?”

“No, you're sick is what you are.” He turned away from her again; the sight of her was making him sick and furious at the same time. He wanted to strangle her and he wanted to hate her, but he couldn't bring himself to do either and so he sought to hurt her with his words for making him feel for her. God, why did he have to feel?

Her arm was burning again, but she ignored it. The Master could wait a little longer while the last good thing in her life crumbled into pieces. All in his name.

“Is there anyone else you've murdered that I don't know about?” Remus kept his back to her as he spoke. His eyes were burning with unshed tears, but he would not show weakness in front of her anymore. A horrible thought crossed into his mind.

“Lauren O'Henry. The girl who disappeared our fifth year. Did you do it?”

“No,” Calista said. There was more behind her voice; Remus knew her so well. . .

“You know you did?” he asked quietly. His voice was very calm, but inside the anger was gripping every part of him.

“Yes,” she said simply. Tell him, tell him! her mind screamed at her. Take the blasted rat down with you and end this madness! TELL HIM! Calista said nothing. The sins of Wormtail were not her business, so she left the subject alone.

“So what now,” she asked Remus.

“I don't know,” he said hoarsely.

They stood there, pondering their present situation. Calista's arm was burning beyond belief as the Master called again and again, but she didn't care. Let him call. No matter what happened here, she was never going again.

“Get out.”

“What?” Calista was brought back to earth by Remus' harsh voice. He had turned and was staring at her with utmost hatred. His eyes held nothing but disgust as he looked at her, his hands were clenched into fists at his sides.

“I said get out, and don't you ever come here again. You're not welcome.”

“Remus, no.” Her mark was bleeding from the constant burning; the blood was pouring down her arm as she reached out to him. Remus looked like he was going to be ill as he pushed her arm away from him.

“Don't touch me!”

“Remus, don't push me away, please--”

“Get away from me murderer!”

Calista froze, the fresh pain rushing through her veins. This was worse than Remus calling her a Grim, a bringer of death, so much worse than that incident because now it was her lover insulting her.

“You were supposed to understand,” she said brokenly.

“Understand? Understand?” Remus cried. “Understand what? That you're a freak, a murderer, a follower of darkness?”

“Don't you understand that they made me do it?” she yelled.

“What, they physically forced the knife in your hand to pierce Sara's flesh?!”

“NO! Severus--- he made me--- he and Lucius and Bellatrix made me do things--”

“Do you or do you not have a mind of your own?”

“Yes, but--”

“Then you should have shown some courage, woman! Don't you understand that if you had come to us for help, we would have given it to you? Gladly?! Don't you understand that because I cared about you you wouldn't have had to go through this alone? I would have helped you; we all would have! NO one deserves what you've gone through, but you took someone's life! You're just as bad as the rest of them now and I can't help you!”

“They would have killed me! Don't you get it? I would have died!”

“Then you should have died! I wish you had, rather than bring this hell onto my friends! All of this, all the suffering we've all gone through, it's all your fault!”

Remus' shout bounced of the walls and rang through the room, leaving a stunned silence in its wake. Calista's face showed the betrayal she felt. Remus was broken inside, feeling just as betrayed as she.

“You were supposed to understand,” she whispered.

“Get out,” Remus growled. He shuddered, feeling dizzy. He was so angry he wanted to bite her, eat her until she could bring no more sin into his world. He wanted to feed.

“Remus?” Calista said uncertainly. Hair was sprouting all over his body; his hands were elongating, curling into claws. . . His temper was such that it was bringing on the change, two full weeks before the full moon. Oh no.

“Get out. Get out!” He growled at her. “I don't ever want to see you again!”

“Don't say that,” she said softly. She had been here when he was in wolf form; she was not afraid.

“GET OUT!” Remus grabbed a large hand mirror that lay on top of the dresser and threw it at her. Calista ducked and it hit the wall where her head would have been and shattered, bit of glass raining down into her hair where they sparkled like jewels. They were followed by shards of wood as Remus threw the entire oak dresser in her direction.

“Murderer,” Remus snarled. His face was changing; he was shaking in the grips of the seizure of his change. His thoughts were becoming less human, the wolf was taking over and he was hungry and angry.

“No!” Calista screamed. It can't end like this. Please don't let it end like this. “Remus it's me, please--”

“I know it's you and I hate the very sight of you now GET OUT!!!” Remus struck her across the face and she fell against the door. It gave way beneath her sudden weight and Calista tumbled into the hallway. More wood splintered about her as the entire bed was thrown out the door. It smashed into pieces; Calista screamed and threw her arms over her head. As soon as the rain of wood paused, she scrambled to her feet. She could hear Remus snarling, ranting and raving inside the bedroom but there was no way she was going back in there.

She fled down the hallway, clung to the railing of the stairs as she clattered down, bolted for the doorway and ran down the path, fresh tears streaming down her face. Shards of wood and glass in her hair scraped against her skin; she was bleeding from her legs, her arms, the blood was pouring thick and viscous from the Dark Mark but Calista didn't care. She just ran as fast as her feet would carry her.

Back in the shack, Remus fell to the floor as his legs shortened and his robes ripped as his body changed into that of the werewolf. His vision changed, the images losing color but becoming sharper, the smells invading his nose. Her scent was everywhere, all over this place, all over him . . . the scent of a murderer.

His last human cry was her name, and then the wolf took over.

**********

The howl came through the open window in the Gryffindor common room, waking Lily up and causing all four head to turn towards the direction of the sound.

“What the--?” Autumn asked

“It can't be,” James said in a hushed voice.

“Full moon isn't for two weeks!” Sirius cried.

“Something's gone wrong,” James said. He was deathly pale and very afraid.

“Maybe it's not Remus,” Lily said hopefully. The howl came again, and to the two boys who knew it best, there was no mistaking it.

“Sonofa--” James and Sirius were already out the door before the girls followed, leaving the fairy doll alone on the couch as a testament to the last bit of innocence.

************

Peter jerked around when he heard the wolf howl. Spike ducked and prayed he hadn't been seen, and then risked a glance at the moon. It was only half full tonight. Remus couldn't have . . . but the eerie feeling that had been shared by all took over, and Spike knew something terrible had occurred again.

He heard scurrying footsteps and looked around to see Peter scrambling towards the Gates just as four figures came bursting out of the castle. Spike jumped out of his hiding spot and sprinted to catch up.

**************

Severus was going to meet Lucius when he saw the short, fat figure of Peter running as fast as he could. I didn't think I'd ever see him move that fast, he thought. Maybe Honeydukes is having a chocolate shortage and he's running to get the last of it. Severus chuckled at his clever joke.

Another howl echoed through the night and he stopped, his blood running cold. He knew that howl; it had rung in his ears as he had been pulled back along a narrow tunnel by his worst enemy.

Severus craned his neck to look at the sky. It wasn't full moon, but that didn't mean anything. He knew that in moments of greatest rage or distress, werewolves could experience their change.

Calista. What did she do now? He saw the leaner figure of Spike following in Peter's footsteps and hurried after him, eager to see what was going on.

***************

James, Sirius, Lily and Autumn met up with Peter at the bottom of the castle steps and ran as one towards the Gates leading to Hogsmede, Spike and Severus on their heels. They had just reached the Gate when they burst open and a small, sobbing form ran through them. Lily knew that sickly form instantly. Calista. Unseen by anyone, Severus ducked behind the nearest pillar and watched from there.

Lily's blood began to boil. If that disgusting girl had done anything to Remus . . . Calista tripped and nearly fell to the earth, but James caught her by her bleeding arms.

“Remus,” she sobbed. “He - he. . .” she broke down into hysterical sobs and buried her face in her bloodied hands. Apparently, James was on the same wavelength as Lily because he grasped Calista tight and shook her hard. Glass shards fell from her hair onto the ground, where they twinkled innocently until her blood splattered on them and turned their light into gruesome darkness.

“What did you?” James yelled. She didn't answer him, so he shook her even harder until she cried out from the pain.

“What did you do?” he demanded.

“Nothing!” she cried. “I didn't do anything, I swear! I swear!”

“Where is he?” Sirius said, coming forward to stand next to James.

“In the shack. . . He's in the Shrieking Shack,” Calista said. James tossed Calista aside and she fell into Spike's arms.

“Stay with the girls,” James told Spike. He nodded, holding the sobbing Calista.

“James,” Lily said. He turned to her and smiled reassuringly.

“It will be all right,” he said. “Just stay here with Autumn and Spike. Lily nodded and grabbed Autumn's arm. Sirius gestured to Peter, who nodded and all three boys transformed at once and bolted out of the Gate.

Severus peeked out from behind the pillar and caught Calista's eyes as she cowered in Spike's arms. She knew what he was silently asking her, and she nodded slightly. Damn fool girl. He cursed her silently. He was going to kill her as soon as he got the chance.

Spike, Lily and Autumn turned to Calista and each silently thought about what to do with the hysterical girl. Calista slowly realized she was being observed and stifled her sobs. She straightened up and shook herself free of Spike's embrace and stared defiantly at each of them in turn. Severus watched anxiously from his hiding place. Get out of there. Get out of there you silly girl!

“If you didn't do anything, why were you over there in the first place?” Spike asked cautiously.

“I - I uh--” Oh, this is getting ridiculous, she thought. How many more excuses am I supposed to come up with in one night? She scanned her mind, trying to think of something and came up short. All right, Calista, time for Plan B.

She bolted, flat out ran for it, heading in the direction of the lake.

“Unbelievable,” Autumn muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Go back inside,” Spike said grimly.

“Spike!” Autumn cried, but it was too late: Spike had gone after Calista.

“C'mon, Autumn, let's go in,” Lily said nervously. Autumn cast a concerned glance at her friend. Lily had been through a lot this evening and it looked like the night was nowhere near over. What fun. She put her arm around Lily's shoulders and led her back inside the castle.

Once the girls had gone in, Severus crept out from behind the stone pillar and silently followed Spike and Calista's footsteps.

A/N: That was fun…. :D

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37. The Sacrifice

Chapter 35: The Sacrifice

Calista ran, heading for the far side of the lake. She didn’t know how very near she was to the site of Lucius’ first attack on Lily, but she wouldn’t have cared if she did. She had not lied to Remus; the Mudblood did not matter to her.

“Serene!” She heard Spike calling to her, but she did not want to deal with an interrogation tonight. She made a sharp right and veered away from the lakeshore. It was a shame Spike had anticipated this from her. He caught her and held her small, struggling form in his strong arms.

“Tell me everything,” he demanded of her.

“Let me go!”

“Not until you talk to me!”

“No! Let me go, let me go!” She was screaming, beating at Spike with her fists but he was much, much stronger than her and she did no damage.

“You’re part of all this, aren’t you? Aren’t you?” He was furious, grabbing her by her bleeding forearms. “You--” He felt something amid the blood seeping from her arm and he held her body against him with one arm, heedless of her struggles, while he wiped away the blood from her left forearm to reveal her gruesome, bleeding burn.

“You hag,” he whispered. “You’re not part of this; you’re the cause of it all!”

Spike threw Calista from him in disgust and she fell to the ground in a heap, scraping the palms of her hands on the rocky ground. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Calista.

“Reach for your own and I’ll hex you,” he threatened. “You are going to tell me everything, slowly, so I don’t miss anything. And don’t lie to me, Serene, because if you do and I find you, it’s all over.”

“You mean I still have a chance?” she asked sarcastically. Spike smiled grimly at her.

“Depends on what you have to tell me.”

There was a burst of red light and Spike was launched off of his feet and thrown to the ground several feet away. Calista looked up in surprise to see Severus Snape standing where Spike had been, wand aloft and a blazing fury in his eyes.

“You owe me big time,” he muttered to Calista as he helped her to her feet.

“We’ll discuss that later,” she said coldly. She wrenched her hand out of his grasp and rubbed her aching arm. The mark was still bleeding profusely and she was beginning to get a bit dizzy.

“Here,” Severus said softly. He pulled a black scarf out of his pocket and tied it tight around the brand.

“Thank you,” Calista said softly.

“We’ll talk later,” Severus said shortly, “but we need to deal with him.” he jerked his head in the direction of the motionless form of Spike.

“Memory Charm again?”

“Seems like a good idea, don’t you think?”

Calista nodded as she and Severus walked over to Spike. Calista let out a gasp and grabbed Severus by the arm. Spike’s head was lying on a large rock, blood seeping out from underneath his head. Severus knelt down quickly and put his hand very near the boy’s mouth and nose.

“Damn,” he whispered.

“Is he dead?” Calista suddenly felt amazingly calm.

“Yes,” Severus said. He stood and wiped his hands on his robes. “I’m not sure what to do next,” he admitted.

“I do.” Severus turned to Calista in surprise. Her face was grim and determined, her eyes were calm, and when she spoke, her voice was even and assured.

“We have to bury him.”

*********

The werewolf was raging throughout the house, ripping up everything in its path. It was in a terrible fury and hungry to boot. It saw the door Calista had not closed behind her on her hasty exit. It was about to exit and forage for food when a large, bear-like dog stepped in its path.

The wolf snarled and charged. Just before it made contact with the dog, it was lifted off of its feet by the antlers of a large stag, who threw the wolf into a wall. The door was kicked shut by the dog’s back leg and now the wolf, the dog and the stag were trapped inside.

Spit drooled from the corner of the wolf’s mouth as it snarled at the other two animals. They were backing it into a corner, and neither was easy prey. It saw a rat dart from the far wall and head into the hallway, but it could not get to the rat easily enough so it didn’t try.

The air was suddenly filled with a new scent and it sniffed hungrily. Human. It looked at there and saw that there was a boy in the doorway, holding a stick of wood. The human inside the wolf recognized it as a wand, being held by his friend. A stream of light poured out of this wand and enveloped the wolf. It howled in protest, but there was more human scent in the air now. The other animals were gone and men stood in their places, holding wands of their own. More light flowed from their wands until it was completely cocooned in light.

It felt itself calming, relaxing and he found he wasn’t hungry anymore, just sad. But his friends were here and Remus was glad of that. He was still bathed in bright blue light, and he realized he was seeing colors again.

Remus felt his claws retract and collapsed into a shuddering, naked, sweating mass on the dirty floor. Peter ran and grabbed a blanket that was covering an old armchair and tossed it over Remus as the light faded. It was smelly and the rough woolen material scratched his skin, but it covered him so he didn’t complain. Remus was himself again.

Sirius, James and Peter were at his side in an instant. Sirius took his friend’s hand and brushed his damp hair back from his forehead.

“Moony, are you all right?”

Remus found he could not speak, so he simply nodded. He was ashamed to realize tears were mixing with the sweat on his face, but it was too late to hide them now.

“What happened?” James asked cautiously. Remus shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t tell them, not yet. The grief was still too near, and he knew he’d change again if he talked about Calista. So he said nothing.

“It’s going to be all right Moony,” James said soothingly.

“Everything’s ok mate,” Sirius said. Peter remained strangely silent, but Remus was still very glad he was here. He needed all his friends with him now. They didn’t have to know what was happening, they just had to be here.

He was so tired all of a sudden. He just wanted to go to sleep now, here on the floor, he didn’t care. His limbs were so heavy, the world so blurry. Sirius and James helped him to his feet, keeping the blanket around him and Peter held his wand aloft, tip lit to lead the way, as Sirius and James carried Remus back to the castle.

*********

The hole was deep, at least five feet, maybe more. They didn’t dare dig any deeper or they would hit water. Severus was surprised they had gotten as deep as they had, considering how close they were to the lake.

Severus grabbed Spike’s head, Calista his legs and they threw him unceremoniously into his makeshift grave. His limp body landed with a thud and Calista and Severus stood there a moment, appraising thebody.

“You look like you’re going to be sick,” Calista commented without looking at Severus. She felt slightly queasy herself but held it in nicely. “You should be used to this by now. You killed your own sacrifice and took care of the body. The only reason they ever found Sara was because I didn’t get back there in time.” When Severus didn’t comment, she turned to him.

“Right?” she pressed.

“I never killed anyone. The Master came up with the initiation idea after I had joined. You and Peter are the only ones who’ve done it so far.”

There was complete silence from Calista and maybe that was why he didn’t see the attack coming. She launched herself at him, screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs, her nails scratching and clawing at his face. They fell over, with Calista on top flailing and swinging at him. He felt her nails dig into his face very near his eyes and he realized she was actually trying to scratch his eyes out. He somehow grabbed hold of her wrists and forced them away from his face.

“Now is not the time for this,” he yelled.

Calista drew back and spit in his face and tried to get at him, but he had her hands in a firm grasp now and she was weak from the loss of blood.

“We can kill each other later,” he panted, “but we have to take care of this first!”

Calista stopped and glared at him, her eyes like daggers, but she got off of him and backed away. Severus stood cautiously and tried to regain his breath.

“We have to fill the grave,” she said shortly. She turned away from him and picked up her wand. Severus heaved a sigh of relief that she wasn’t going to attack him again.

“I heard that,” she said.

“I heard that,” he mimicked under his breath.

“I heard that too.”

“Knock it off,” he said roughly as he went to her side, holding his own wand.

They had magically filled the grave with dirt, covering Spike with five feet of earth. They had just started to place large rocks over the grave when Severus stopped.

“I heard something,” he said.

“Now he gets a conscience,” Calista muttered, heaving a large rock in her small hands.

“Use your wand, twit,” he said irritably, “and I really heard something. Listen!”

Calista dropped her rock and stood quietly. There were screams . . . screams coming from under the ground . . . where they had buried Spike.

“I thought you said he was dead!” Calista whirled on Severus, who jumped backward, hands up to protect his face.

“He wasn’t breathing,” Severus said defensively.

“That doesn’t mean dead, you idiot!”

Calista balled her hands into fists, raised her face to the sky and let out an earth shattering scream of frustration.

“We have to get him out,” Severus said quickly. He lifted his wand and pointed it at the grave, intending to magically un-dig the grave. Calista’s hand on his wrist stopped him.

“Why?”

“WHAT?!?!” He stared at Calista, aghast. She can’t be serious. Calista looked at Severus and in that long, cold moment, there positions were changed forever.

“Consider this your sacrifice.”

Severus stared at her, disbelieving. She’s not doing this. Calista, he had thought, was not a malicious person. Twisted, yes, devious certainly, but evil? He had told Lucius she’d had the potential for great things with the Master but in two seconds she had surpassed even Lucius’ expectations. She’s not doing this, he thought again. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he came to the realization that she most certainly was doing this to him, and it was all his fault.

“He’s alive,” Severus insisted.

Calista turned from him and conjured large rocks to cover the grave, further muffling Spike’s screams for help issuing from the ground. She turned back to Severus with a malevolent smile on her face.

“Not for long.”

********

~Coast of Ireland~

Sirius, now in human form, was almost to the top of the very tall cliffs that lined the Irish shore. Just a bit farther now, he told himself. Finally, he reached the top and pulled himself onto the grassy earth, completely exhausted. He laid there, his limbs aching, gasping for breath. Laughter bubbled over his lips and he rolled over to observe the night sky for the first time in twelve years.

It was more wonderful than he had remembered. Glittering stars dotted the heavens and the moon was almost full, its bright glow lighting the field in which he lay. Sirius hugged himself joyfully and laughed and laughed, taking a precious moment to revel in his freedom. The air was sweet with the smell only those who have been imprisoned can appreciate. The air was cool on his face, the grass soft under him. He was a bit chilled in his still- damp clothes, but he didn’t care. He’d been much colder in Azkaban.

He stood on his bare feet and slowly stretched out his limbs as far as he could. His spine crackled; it was not used to this much movement. Sirius laughed again and flung his arms out, spinning in circles like a child.

Free at last . . . free at last. And now to Harry . . .

38. The End of All Things

Chapter 36: The End of All Things

~~Where once was light, now darkness falls.

Where once was love, love is no more~~

~One Week Later~

Life holds both good and bad things and each must take their turn eventually. The bad things are always more remembered than the good things are, because bad things seem to have the tendency to come all at once, while life spreads the good out more.

It was Friday. After the longest week of their lives, it was Friday. Nobody was happier to see the weekend than Lily's band of cohorts. There was no sign of Spike, and the school in general feared the worst. It was very reminiscent of the disappearance of Lauren O' Henry two years ago. They had never found her either.

Autumn was in a state of near collapse. She sat next to Lily, her eyes red. She had confessed only last night that she knew Spike was dead, but was still clinging to Dumbledore's spoken hope that Spike would be found. Lily knew better. In her heart, she knew Spike was gone. And she had a very good feeling that she knew who was responsible.

Calista was sitting between Severus Snape and Timothy Nott at the Slytherin table, calmly eating her lunch and engrossed in a whispered conversation with Snape. Lily hated her, as much as she hated the blonde devil whose back was to her now.

Remus had walked around in a state of complete misery all week. Lily had not said anything as to his relationship with Calista; after a long talk with Remus the day after, they had decided that it was his story to tell when he was ready. He hadn't told Lily what had happened in the Shrieking Shack, but she assumed correctly that the relationship was over.

“I hope Moony's all right,” James said now. “He's missed all of his morning classes.”

Lily looked at him and smiled. Sometimes it felt like James could read her mind.

“I'm sure he's ok,” she said softly. “Maybe he just needed some time alone.”

“Why would he?” Peter wondered.

“Why not? I'm sure he's just as upset as we all are,” Lily said quickly.

“Guys,” Sirius said softly. He jutted his chin towards the doors. A silence so thick had fallen over the Great Hall you could have heard a pin drop. Dumbledore stood framed in the doorway, surrounded by four Aurors from the Ministry of Magic, one of whom was Dumbledore's great friend Alastor Moody. Cornelius Fudge, the Junior Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was also there. The look on Dumbledore's face was terribly sad as he gestured to the left of the Hall.

The entire school followed the progress of the four Aurors as they crossed the Great Hall. Fudge stayed by Dumbledore's side as he watched the proceedings. The Aurors came to a halt behind Calista Serene, who was the only person in the entire Hall not watching them. She was methodically eating her lunch, bit by bit. Moody cleared his throat and spoke, his voice carrying across the room even though he spoke quietly.

~~ Don't say goodbye, don't say `I didn't try.'~~

“Calista Serene, you are under arrest for the murder of Sara Brown. You are also being held for interrogation for your suspected involvement in the disappearances of Lauren O' Henry and Samuel `Spike' Monahan. You are to come with us, immediately, to await your removal to your holding cell in Azkaban prison.”

Students throughout the room gasped and whispered. Calista very calmly drained the last bit of pumpkin juice from her goblet and stood up from her seat. Somehow, her eyes met Lily's across the Hall. The two girls had a silent stare-off for a moment, and then to Lily's astonishment, Calista gave the other girl a wink and a smile, then followed Moody and the Aurors from the room.

~~These tears we cry are falling rain,

for all the lies you told us, the hurt, the blame! And we will weep to be so alone.

We are lost, we can never go home.~~

They took her to Flitwick's office to wait for the word from the Azkaban guards that her cell was ready. Calista had this calm exterior thing working for her, but inside she was freaking out. All the horror stories of Azkaban were coming back to haunt her. She felt very cool, despite the warmth of the late afternoon.

She wondered idly who had told the Aurors about her. She had a feeling it had been him, and the thought made her very sad, but she wasn't surprised. Three of the four Aurors stood guard around the room, none of them meeting her eyes. Moody was with Fudge and Dumbledore, supposedly prepping for her interrogation, if she actually got one.

The initiation, the sacrifice, severus in the common room, remus the wolf in her arms, remus the man in her arms, erasing remus and srius' memories, severus in the garden, severus in the closets, in her room, in his room, anywhere they could, narcissa, narcissa's knife, remus and remus and remus and severus and the master with his red eyes, remus and the wolf and spike and the grave and severus, i don't want to die, i don't want to die, i don't want to die

“I don't want to go to Azkaban either,” she whispered suddenly. She saw one of the Aurors eyes twitch to her. He looked vaguely familiar. She thought she vaguely remembered him from her earlier days at Hogwarts; he'd been several of years ahead of her. She didn't know the other two at all.

She had to escape; she wasn't willing to spend her life in prison. How to get away from three trained Aurors though? There was a mirror hanging over the desk against the wall and she saw herself reflected in it. Calista watched, stunned, as her reflection smiled at her and winked. There was a red mist swirling in the eyes of her reflection. Calista looked around at the Aurors. None of them seemed to see what she was seeing.

She understood what the message was. Give in completely and she would have her freedom. What the hell, she thought. She had nothing left to lose. She closed her eyes and let the Master in.

~~ So in the end, I'll be what I will be. No loyal friend was ever there for me.~~

“Calista Serene. Calista Serene,” Sirius said as they left the Great Hall. “Can you believe it?”

“Actually, yeah I can,” Autumn said. “I'm just surprised she's the only one.”

“Be fair Autumn,” Peter said. “Just because they're Slytherins, it doesn't make them all murderers. It could have been anyone.”

“No, it just happened to be the most twisted of them all,” Autumn said sourly.

“I'll be back in a bit,” Lily said. She gave James a quick kiss and ran off.

“Where is she going?” Peter asked.

“To find Remus,” James said.

“Then why don't we go--”

“Because,” James cut Sirius off, “they need each other right now. Not us, and I'm okay with that.”

~~Now we say goodbye, we say `you didn't try!'

These tears you cry have come too late. Take back the lies, the hurt, the blame!

And you will weep when you face the end alone.~~

Lily walked around the gardens until she found Remus. He was sitting in a remote forgotten corner of the gardens, under a statue of a crying fairy holding a flower. He looked as miserable as the statue.

Lily sat next to him and nudged him with her elbow. She looked in his eyes until she won the grudging little smile she needed to see, then wrapped her hands around his arm and snuggled next to her dear friend.

“Cal told me about this place,” Remus said softly. “She used to come here to think.”

“You turned her in, didn't you?”

“Yeah,” he whispered.

Lily was quiet for a bit, taking in the overgrown garden around her. It was the kind of place Calista would frequent, she thought. Yet, it had a certain peace to it that Lily enjoyed.

“Remus, I'm so sorry,” Lily whispered. She rested her head against his and closed her eyes. “Truly I am.”

“I know, Lily-girl. I know.”

The two friends stayed there until night fell, then they went in together.

************

Peter knew Calista was going to take the fall for what he did to Lauren O' Henry, but he didn't care. Calista had almost ruined everything, she was a sicker mind than most of them; if anyone deserved Azkaban, she did. It actually made his life easier. She could tell the world it was him and who would believe her now? She was a murderer, he was a Gryffindor. It was foolproof. He could serve the Master better now.

************

Severus, Lucius, Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabastan and Narcissa sat around the fire talking about the Stunning Moment of 1978: the arrest of Calista Serene.

“Come clean, everyone,” Narcissa said. “Which one of you turned her in?”

“I didn't,” Bellatrix said.

`Nope,” said Rabastan.

“It wasn't me,” claimed Rodolphus.

“I certainly didn't do it,” Lucius said defensively.

“It wasn't any of us, Narcissa,” Severus said quietly. He fell silent again, gazing into the fire.

“What?” Bellatrix pressed him.

“She told Remus Lupin she murdered Sara Brown. I think he turned her in.”

“She did what?”

“I don't believe it.”

“I knew she was crazy.”

“Only Calista would run to a werewolf and expect sympathy.”

“She wasn't looking for sympathy,” Severus said in that same quiet voice.

“Then what was she looking for?” Lucius demanded.

“Bloody hell if I know,” Severus shrugged. He stood up abruptly. “I heard a rumor that the Aurors are going to be searching the Slytherin dorm rooms for more evidence. I suggest we hide some thing quick.”

“I have one more question,” Rabastan asked. “Did she kill Monahan?”

“No.”

“Ah, I would have thought she--”

“I did. She just helped me cover it up.”

Everyone's jaw hit the floor as they looked up at Severus.

“You're joking,” Bellatrix whispered in an awed voice. He noticed she was gazing up at him with a mixture of something like wonderment and adoration. And taking second place for Calista Serene as Most Twisted Evil Freak. . . Bellatrix Black! his mind thought wildly. He almost laughed, but he was too afraid.

“I have some things to go hide, as I'm sure you all do,” he said briskly. “If you'll excuse me.” Severus swept up the stairs and out of sight.

“Wicked cool,” Bellatrix said.

“I didn't think he had it in him,” Lucius said admiringly. “He's right; I have to take care of some things if they're doing a search.”

One by one, they stood up and went to their rooms until Narcissa was the only one left. She stared at the doorway her future husband had disappeared behind until her vision blurred. Something occurred to her suddenly, and she stood and quickly went to her dormitory. Bellatrix was stuffing the last of her Dark Rune stones in a bag.

“I have a lose stone under my bed if you need to hide anything,” she offered her sister as Narcissa entered the room.

“Thanks,” Narcissa said distantly. She stared at Calista's bed. It was neatly made by the house elves; the warming pans had finally been taken away. Narcissa knew Calista kept the knife she had given her between the mattress and the box spring of her bed. She thought she would take it back, since Calista obviously wasn't going to be using it anytime soon and it did have the Black family crest on it.

Narcissa crossed to the bed, knelt down and lifted up the mattress.

“What are you doing?” Bellatrix asked.

“I gave something to Calista for safekeeping. I'd better take it back, don't you think?”

“No joke there.”

Yes, there was the red leather box with its silver stitching, just as she had anticipated. Narcissa pulled the box out and let the mattress fall back into its usual position. She knelt on the floor by Calista's bed and turned the box over in her hands thoughtfully. Calista, you sad, sorry child. You should have done it while you could. Narcissa opened the box. There was the silver silk, soft and shiny and empty.

“Calista, you tricky little thing,” Narcissa laughed softly.

“Huh?” Bellatrix crossed over to her sister and stared uncomprehendingly at the empty box.

“I think Calista knew the Aurors were coming,” Narcissa said, looking up at her sister, “and she apparently made a contingency plan.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning we haven't seen the last of Calista Serene.”

*****************

Lily and Remus walked past Flitwick's office on their way back to their common room and met Dumbledore, Moody and Fudge walking from the opposite direction.

“Wait,” Remus said softly to Lily. He pulled Lily's hands off of his arm and hurried up to Dumbledore.

“Headmaster,” he asked, “I was wondering if I could just say something to Calista.”

“Remus,” Lily began.

“I don't think--” Fudge started.

“All right Remus.” Dumbledore's quiet acceptance shocked everyone.

“But Dumbledore,” Fudge said, “that girl--”

“Two minutes,” Dumbledore said firmly. “And we will be going in there with you, Mr. Lupin. I will take no more chances with the lives of my students.”

“Yes, sir.” Remus turned to Lily. “I just have to say one thing to her, Lil'. Then it's over.”

“Fine,” Lily said, “but I'm staying right here.” She folded her arms and glared stubbornly at Remus, who laughed in spite of himself.

“You're a great friend Lily.”

“I know.” She winked at him and grinned, then nodded towards the door. “Get on with it then.”

Remus took a deep breath and nodded at Lily, then to Dumbledore. Moody walked forward and opened the door.

“Oh my god.”

“What?” Lily pushed herself forward until she was standing between Remus and Moody. “Holy --” Lily said a word she had never said before and didn't even care.

The sight would haunt Lily for the rest of her life. Flitwick's office was in complete shambles and the window was broken, pieces of glass and the window frame itself hung at strange angles. The three Aurors who had been left to guard Calista were dead, their glassy eyes staring at the ceiling. It looked like two had been killed by Avada Kedavra, but the third one (who was indeed familiar: he was a distant cousin of Calista's that she hadn't seen since she was eleven) had apparently put up a fight: he was bleeding in several places.

“Stab wounds,” Moody said as he bent over the body.

Fudge was white and shaking, his hand covering his mouth. Dumbledore surveyed the room silently, his expression exquisitely sad, but quiet, as only Dumbledore could look. Lily reached out a hand blindly and Remus grabbed it tight, squeezing her fingers until they actually hurt but she didn't say anything.

“I think,” Dumbledore said quietly, “that I need to take my students to their dormitory now. Alastor, I can leave you and Cornelius with this for now?”

“Of course.” Moody nodded curtly at Dumbledore. Dumbledore turned to Remus and Lily, who could not take their eyes off of the massacre in front of them.

“Mr. Lupin, Miss Evan, come with me please.” Dumbledore was firm; it was time to go. Lily was shaking, so Remus put his arm around her. He felt oddly numb, devoid of emotion. They went into the hallway and Dumbledore shut the door behind them.

“I am going to allow you to return to your friends tonight,” Dumbledore said. “However, if either of you, indeed, if any of your friends should hear anything from or about Miss Serene, you must inform me immediately. Do you both understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Remus said.

“She won't come after us,” Lily said. “She'll leave us alone.”

“Why do you think that, Miss Evans?”

Lily just looked at Remus. There are no ways to describe the look on his face. It was the final stab in a dying heart.

~~And you will weep when you face the end alone.

You are lost, you can never go home.

You are lost, you can never go home.~~

Bags were packed; the Leaving Feast had come and gone. Now, they simply waited until the sun rose, enjoying their last night at Hogwarts. Sirius, James, Remus and Peter had made one last secret trip to Hogsmeade and gotten as much as they could carry for the night, and for the trip home, which for four boys was quite a lot. They had the misfortune of being caught by Filch on the way upstairs, however (“Wouldn't you know, we get caught on our last run,” Sirius had grumbled) but since they were now officially Hogwarts graduates, Filch could not punish them. He did, however, manage to confiscate the map, which Peter had let fall to the ground. The poor boy was thoroughly cursed by his three companions as they ran upstairs to Gryffindor Tower, but they got over it quickly due to high emotions of their last night at school.

They sat in a circle, James, Lily, Remus, Autumn, Peter and Sirius. They didn't leave room for anyone to come and join them. It was to be just them tonight.

“A drink,” James said somberly, “for us. For the Marauders and our girls,” he nodded to Lily and Autumn, who laughed and raised their butterbeers, “and for those who should be here and who aren't.”

“Cheers,” Sirius said.

“Cheers,” Peter echoed. Everyone's bottles clanked together and they all took a solemn drink.

“Okay, we spent half of this year depressed,” Sirius said. “A pact for the evening: PARTY!” He yelled the last word to the room at large and everyone laughed and agreed. It was a night for celebration, not mourning. There had been enough mourning.

“So, we're all good right?” James asked, looking pointedly at Lily as he said this.

“Yes,” she said exasperatedly. “he's been like this for over two months,” she murmured to Autumn.

“Closer to three,” Autumn countered. “Ever since your little well deserved breakdown. Can you blame him?”

“No,” Lily sighed. She watched him laugh with Sirius.

“I think it's cute,” Autumn declared.

“What about you and Sirius?” Lily whispered.

“Long since done, Lily-girl. Some thing just weren't meant to be,” Autumn said cheerfully.

“Well, you seem to have a good attitude about it,” Lily said.

“Che sera, sera, Lily-bean!” Autumn raised her bottle, then proceeded to chug it contents in one gulp.

“Whatever will be--”

“-will be,” they sang together before going into gales of laughter. They noticed all four boys giving them the strangest looks and laughed even harder.

“Women,” Sirius shook his head and gulped his drink. “Can't live with `em--”

“Don't you finish that sentence,” Lily warned.

“Peace, peace.” Sirius held up his hands in surrender. He had long given up the pillow fight revenge when it came to Lily.

“Since everyone is so bleeding cheerful tonight,” James said, “I'm going to give this one more try.”

“Uh-oh,” Sirius said as James gulped down the last of his butterbeer. “Jamsie, what're you thinking?”

“I'm scared,” Remus said.

“Hold me,” Autumn whimpered and she grabbed onto Remus like a lifesaver as they quivered in mock fear.

“Losers,” James grumbled. He pulled out a very familiar small velvet box, which sent Autumn into screaming tangents. Remus clamped his hands over her mouth and wrestled her to the ground.

“Quick James! I can't hold her forever! Go man GO!”

Lily was smiling, but she cast a last glance at Sirius. He met her eyes and smiled at her. Lily beamed, knowing things would be all right between them. Oh Sirius, part of me will always love you. I wish I could tell you that. From the look on his face, she saw that he knew, just as she knew about him. Strange how things move on, she thought. A year ago, I hated them both and now I love them both. And one love I have to ignore, and that is somehow all right with both of us, even though we never talked about it. Life is strange.

“Lily,” James started, but she cut him off.

“Yes,” she said. James blinked in surprise.

“Do I even get to--?”

“Ouch!” Autumn had bitten Remus' hand and was squealing excitedly again as she tried to wrestle him off of her. Peter jumped over to help Remus pin her to the ground.

“Give her the ring, Prongs,” Remus cried from somewhere between Autumn and Peter. “Just give her the ring!! AAUGH!!” The wrestlers rolled over and nearly tossed Remus into the fire. Peter's elbow caught Remus somewhere around his midsection and Autumn accidentally poked Peter in the eye.

“Help,” Remus moaned. “Oh, my pancreas.”

“Could you pick a more random organ?” Sirius laughed. (LMAO)

“Give me a minute and we'll see what I come up with,” Remus grinned. “Why, hello Autumn. How ya doin?” They had rolled until Autumn was straddling Remus and Peter was hanging on Autumn's back.

“Too much weight,” Remus cried.

“Tickle her, Pete!” Sirius yelled.

“Touch me and die,” Autumn said instantly.

“I'm just following orders,” Peter yelled.

“I am trying to have a romantic moment here people!” James cried, but he was laughing.

“Good luck with that, mate,” Remus said as he tried to keep Autumn's hands away from his ribcage.

Lily laughed and clapped her hands. “We did the romance and I screwed it up, remember? My answer is yes, so stop torturing us all!” Lily threw her arms around James' neck and they tumbled to the floor, Lily planting butterfly kisses all over his face as they laughed.

“I hang out with the strangest people,” Sirius laughed as he opened another round of butterbeers for everyone. He leaned back and surveyed his group of hysterical, wonderful friends. We'll be all right now, he thought. It won't be perfect, but it will be all right. We survived! We'll be fine now.

~Department of Mysteries. The Final Battle of Sirius Black~

Bellatrix's second jet of red light hit Sirius squarely in the chest. He didn't feel any pain, only surprise as he began to fall. He saw Dumbledore turn, saw Harry running out of the corner of his eye. He felt the fabric of the curtain begin to wash over him and he knew he was dead before he actually died.

I don't want to die, he thought hysterically. I'm not ready. It was much too late for any of that. He saw Remus' face, already mourning as he watched, helpless, as Sirius fell. My poor Moony. Take care of Harry for me, he thought, willing Remus to see his mind before the curtain brushed over his face. He heard Bellatrix screaming triumphantly, heard Harry screaming his name over and over and the world faded from color to gray to black as he fell behind the curtain.

Something caught him and Sirius stumbled backwards into someone's arms.

“Careful there, Padfoot.” Sirius' breath would have caught in his throat except he realized quickly he was no longer breathing. He knew that voice, although he hadn't heard it for fourteen years.

“James?” Disbelief, but he turned and there he was, face to face with his best friend again. James' eyes were sad, but he was smiling. Sirius threw his arms around James and hugged with all of his might.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” he was saying over and over.

“Shhh, Padfoot, it's all right now,” James said soothingly. Sirius released him and stood back. James looked exactly the same as he did when Sirius had last seen him alive. Sirius looked behind him and saw to his surprise that the veil was gone. He could still hear the sounds of the battle; he recognized Remus screaming for Harry.

“James, Remus and Harry--”

“Are outside of our reach now,” James said sadly. Sirius knew his eyes would be filled with tears, but the dead do not cry except under the most severe of circumstances.

“They'll be all right,” James said. “Trust me.”

“Are you sure?” Sirius was afraid for the people he had left behind.

James smiled, nodded and held out his hand. “Take my hand, Sirius. I came down here to get you, and its time to go now.”

“Are they up there?” Sirius asked. “The others?”

“Almost everyone,” James said. “You'll see when you get there. Just take my hand.”

Sirius looked at James for a long time. The battle had faded; there were other sounds now, muted, far away and unimportant.

“The battle is long over. It's a regular work day now,” James said, answering Sirius before he even spoke. “Tempus fugit.”

“Time flies,” Sirius said softly. “Well, lead on my friend.” He placed his hand in James' and they began to walk together. “I've missed you.”

“I've missed you too. I'm glad you're here.” James squeezed his hand.

“Will I get used to it?”

“Eventually.”

Sirius began to get excited. He would get to see everyone again: Sara and Spike and Autumn and Lily. . . he had no idea what he would find when he arrived at his destination, but for the moment, being here with his best friend was more than enough, and he squeezed James' hand back as the sounds from the other world faded into nothing behind them.

THE END

For Kira and Tony

1980 - 2003 and 1976 - 2003

The story will be continued in `Return of the Shadow'

A/N: Well, my fine friends, we've reached the end of this tale! I can't believe it came upon us so fast! What a trip, huh? I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I shall be posting the sequel, Return of the Shadow, within the hour so we can get started on the next part of the story as soon as possible.

For those curious, Kira and Tony were two people I knew who were big Harry Potter fans. I met them when I started chemotherapy sessions a year and a half ago. Kiera gave me the Lily/Sirius idea, and Tony encouraged me to write it down. He also came up with the title. Both were enthusiastic editors and gave me much needed advice with the telling of this tale, which was actually meant to be much much shorter than it turned out.

Both Kiera and Tony have sinced passed away.

This was my first attempt at writing, ever, and so it has all the burdens of a first story and at times it rambles too much (just like me!) but I wouldn't change it now for anything.

And as always, please review. I do adore any comments I get, and have taken several to heart with some of my more recent writings.

-me

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