1. Vague Reflection

Looking Through Glass

Chapter 1: Vague Reflection

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all things associated with the books do not belong to me for my name isn’t J.K Rowling and I am not a brilliant writer like her. I am just a struggling author who has little writing ability.

Summary: Lily Evans had experienced something very traumatic during the summer of her fifth year in Hogwarts. A loner in nature, she becomes even more detached to people; making herself into a shadow that nobody should and would never notice. But James Potter can’t help but keep on noticing her ever since third year…

Lily Evans watched the rain drop from the dark, cloudy skies in a soft rhythm, sliding down the windows of the blue car she was riding on. Her head was bent towards the window, the side of her head touching the cool glass and her brilliant green eyes hypnotized by the drizzle, giving everything a blurry and washed look. Her sister, Petunia, was driving her to King’s Cross for her seventh year in Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Petunia Evan’s lips were pursed as if she was trying her hardest not to say something bad and her brown eyes were narrowed at the windshield.

Tense silence reigned in the car, but Lily chose to ignore it.

Ever since she had received that letter from Hogwarts declaring her a student, Petunia and Lily’s already shaky sibling relationship had permanently shattered and Petunia had shunned her sister. But it wasn’t only because Lily was a witch – in Petunia’s opinion; her kind was the greatest disgrace to the society – that her older sister hated her, but moreover because Lily was the recipient of their parent’s abundant affection.

While they look at Petunia with passable warmth in their eyes whenever she showed them her report card filled with A’s, or when she goes on a date, it was Lily who they turned to with ardent affection alight in their eyes. And it got worst when Lily got into that magical school with books of strange-named authors and frogspawn in her pockets, wearing those ridiculous robes. Their parents main concern was Lily this and Lily that and not even the announcement and arrival of her fiancé, Vernon Dursley, had gained her more than a simple nod of acknowledgement.

“What is that platform you need to go to?” Petunia asked sharply, her voice cold.

“Platform 9 and 3/4, Petunia.” Lily didn’t even blink as she answered, her voice an impassive tone.

This was everyday interaction of the two sisters. One voice filled with animosity and ice, the other blank and unfeeling.

Lily had given up trying to befriend her sister again since Petunia had sworn never to look, speak or even think of Lily unless truly necessary.

Soon, King Cross came into view and Petunia stopped the car in front of the entrance. People carrying trolleys scurried hurriedly to their own platforms, not wanting to be left behind by the trains.

Lily climbed out of the car and took out her heavy trunk from the backseat without any help from her sister at all. Her black Hogwarts robes swirled around her as she dropped her trunk gently to the ground. Petunia was impatiently tapping her well-manicured fingers on top of the steering wheel, looking at her watch every two seconds.

“Are you through or not?” Petunia asked shrilly, glancing briefly at her sister over her shoulder, her face a vacant mask. Lily was taking out a cage with her snowy owl, Blenne inside from the backseat. A flash of disgust and anger flashed in Petunia’s brown eyes.

Lily closed the door and nodded stiffly at her sister. Without a backward glance, Petunia drove away and Lily turned her back from disappearing car, her thoughts immediately on finding a trolley.

She spotted a vacant one on the sides and with her hand carrying her owl cage, Lily strode towards the free trolley, unmindful of the stares she received from the other patrons.

Lily placed her owl cage on the trolley carefully and gripped the bars, pushing it towards where her trunk was lying amidst the sea of bodies. She then hefted her heavy trunk into her trolley and proceeded into the station, going straight to her destination, her steps clipped and precise.

The Hogwarts Express, the school’s sleek, scarlet train that brought the students to Hogwarts for the beginning of term and back to King’s Cross after, was busily making its way through the thick trees and gave a loud call.

Lily was busily checking each compartments to see if any students were doing anything against the rules, as was her duty as Head Girl. It had come as a complete and almost unpleasant surprise when her yearly school letter had arrived with a new package. The Head Girl’s official badge, gleaming and superior. She had no idea why they wanted her to be Head Girl since she was incredibly shy that was bordering on aloofness, and Lily’s social skills badly needed polishing. Most people didn’t even know that a Lily Evans, red hair, green eyes and all, existed in the walls of their school. And Lily was perfectly content on being by herself, chasing away the unbearable loneliness by reading a good book in the library. She stayed away from the Gryffindor common room where interactions were most frequent.

But Lily wasn’t smart. On the contrary, Lily was the smartest witch in Hogwarts, every year taking away the honor of being at the top of her year. Though she didn’t raise her hand during classes or answer the teacher’s questions, her tests scores were unbelievable.

When no one was doing anything out of the ordinary to wizard’s sense, Lily headed back to her own compartment, at the front of the train. It was reserved specially for the Head Boy and Girl, with a built in magical refrigerator for them to raid when they got hungry. She slid the door open and was relieved to see that no one was inside. Lily didn’t have the faintest idea who Head Boy was, but she did have some guesses.

James Potter was most likely to be Head Boy. But let us ponder him for another time.

Lazily, Lily stretched her body on the comfortable seat, letting her head recline against the back of the seat. Outside, the train had left the woody forest and was now passing by rolling hills and sweeping lands of flowers. The sky, upon leaving London earlier, was a shade of powdery blue with cottony clouds floating softly.

Being Head Girl meant that Lily had to be present in many social events like the Yule Ball, Halloween Party and etc.

Lily wasn’t a cold person, but her immense shyness and her accursed talent in being a bit harsh in words made the other people who tried to befriend the quiet redhead turn away and think of her as bitter. She was cynical, not believing in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or even the Easter Bunny even in the presence of magic in her day-to-day classes.

Lily, Gryffindor and top student, this year’s Head Girl, had no friends or a trusty confidant. She only had herself to rely on, and no shoulder she can lay her head on to rest.

Lily took out her wand from her robes pocket and wrote her full name in fancy strokes in the air. But the tip of the wand, which sparkled a green color, made the letters visible, like she had written it with a pen instead of a wand.

Lillian Mary Evans.

It was ironic how warm and open her name sounded when the real person behind it was a cold, tough shell.

“Ahem, hello Lillian.”

At the deep, amused voice, Lily whipped her head around and her bright green eyes widened a fraction of an inch.

2. Iridescent Eyes

Looking Through Glass

Chapter 2: Iridescent Eyes

A/N: God, the greatest thing happened to me last night. James, adorable Jamsie, creeping into my bedroom on that starry night and kissed me on the lips, whispering that he loved me! Then I woke up! Grrr, so unfair!!! *bawls* *sniff, sniff* Anyway, here’s chapter 2 of my story. I want Jamsie all for myself! Life is too unfair. All right, I’ll stop babbling and ranting now. But I had too much caffeine this morning! I’m just a buzzzzzzz of energy…!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! I’ve never received so many reviews in one chapter! You all are great!

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“Ahem, hello Lillian.”

At the deep, amused voice, Lily whipped her head around and her bright green eyes widened a fraction of an inch.

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Walking briskly with a dozen or so new first years in tow, Lily Evans led the way to the common room. Her red hair was tied in a severe bun, which looked quite similar to that of their Transfiguration teacher, Professor McGonagall.

Dinner had been close to an ordeal.

Standing in front of the entire Hogwarts population, when they barely knew you, was not something Lily wanted to repeat. Professor Dumbledore had looked down at her with kindly blue eyes when she had squirmed uncomfortably at everyone’s stares when he had announced her as this year’s Head Girl.

Of course, when the Headmaster had announced that James Potter was to be Head Boy, he had evidently received a thunderous applause, in which Lily herself had only been given polite clapping out of consideration of her as Head Girl and because Professor Dumbledore seemed to be waiting for that applauding sound.

Her clipped steps, surrounded by the oohs and aahs of the first years as they passed moving portraits of different witches, wizards and muggles alike echoed in the hallway. Lily could remember her own awe at the magnificence that was Hogwarts when she was a first year, seven years ago. And even though most of her seven years had been spent in the library with her nose in a book or studying for a test or just trying to avoid the mass of students, Hogwarts had become like a second home to her.

They soon came to the portrait of the fat lady and the first years peered at her curiously and wide-eyed.

“Good evening, Lily dear,” the fat lady greeted cheerfully. Then she waved at the first years that were hiding behind the Head Girl.

Lily gave a small, thin smile. “Good evening as well. Ignios.”

The fat lady gave a curtsy and accepted the correct password, opening to reveal a small entrance that led to the Gryffindor Common Room. Lily first stepped inside and the eleven-year-olds followed her eagerly, awaiting more unexpected sights within.

But nothing was out of the ordinary in the common room. It was a warm place, decorated entirely of inviting crimsons and gold. There were comfortable armchairs near the roaring hearth and a gigantic painting was hanging above it. Godric Gryffindor, one of the four great founders of Hogwarts, waved at the curious new students.

Lily cleared her throat to get the first years attention and they turned to face her.

Her tone was firm and slightly cautioning. “Girl’s dormitory is to the left while the boy’s dormitory is to the right. All of your things have already been delivered to your respective rooms. Now, I am to warn you, being Head Girl, that you are not allowed to wander after lights out and boys are not allowed in the girl’s dormitory and vice versa. Whoever is caught breaking these simple rules will be given detention.” She looked at them expectantly with her guarded green eyes. “Have you understood what I have said?”

The first years nodded quietly, a bit fearful of this petite seventh year who stood straight and rigid and looked rather strict.

Lily was safe in the Head Girl’s room, which was adjoined with the Head Boys – James – through the living room. It was quite a charming room with a comfortable king-size bed with drapes attached to the bedposts. The color of the room depended on which house you belong in and because Lily was a Gryffindor, her room was made of crimson and gold, but in a lighter shade. There was a window that overlooked the lake outside school and she could see the top of the trees of the Forbidden Forest.

Her delicate hand was curved around her hairbrush, sliding it down her soft curls. Her brilliant green eyes were narrowed in contemplation as she assessed her reflection in the mirror.

She didn’t have the grotesque features that were present in Petunia. Although Petunia had perfect eggshell white skin, Lily’s wasn’t so unblemished. A smattering of freckles were scattered on the bridge of her pert nose, and on her smooth cheeks. Her skin was incredibly pale, almost giving off an ethereal glow. Lily was indeed quite beautiful, one of the most attractive girls in Hogwarts. Her waist-length bright red curls were long and silky; framing her heart-shaped face with the full, almost lush lips.

But all Lily could see was a recluse. Alone to fend of the shadows that constantly threatened to overthrow her carefully built walls. She figured that if she wasn’t so shy or bloody aloof, she might have made friends.

Clad in her plain cotton blue pajamas, Lily placed down her hairbrush on the counter top and slid off the stool and walked to the bed where a thick book, opened in the middle leaves and faced upside down and crawled on top of the satin sheets.

Instantly, and without any warning, the name James Potter floated into her mind.

Lily gave a faint snort. Why on earth was she thinking of James Potter, that idiotic git. But despite the fact that he fancied playing pranks on other people, he was quite bright. He was always next to her in academics and he was a brilliant Quidditch player, so agile in a broom. He was well loved in his own house and the other houses as well, although the Slytherins would rather eat slugs first before admitting that.

And there was that incident earlier in the Hogwarts Express…

Lily’s face coloured slightly at the memory.

+_+ Flashback +_+

James Potter was casually leaning against the doorframe of the compartment, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised over an amused brown eye. A small grin was on his lips and his mess black hair was the same – messy.

“Lillian doesn’t suit you, Ms. Evans,” he drawled.

Lily regained her composure, hiding her surprise behind a blank mask.

“Potter.” She nodded curtly.

James grin grew wider and he entered the compartment, the door closing behind him. Lily did not move from her spot, emerald eyes watching James every move. He sat down on the other seat.

“I had a feeling that you would be the Head Girl this year.”

“And you are Head Boy,” Lily pointed out coldly, her hands folded nearly on top of her lap. Her eyes were betraying nothing.

He nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah. It was quite a surprise, actually. I didn’t think that I would be chosen, I reckoned it would be Remus who’d be Head Boy this year…” James went on eagerly, his voice alive and warm and his brown eyes twinkled at Lily as he spoke.

Internally, Lily felt quite self-conscious. Here was the most popular boy in Hogwarts sitting in front of her and talking animatedly. She had barely spoke no more than a few words when he had started to take charge of the conversation, even if she was just steadily watching him.

And even if Lily would never admit that she was hanging on top his every word; her facial expression remained the same. Stony.

“…so…why haven’t I seen you around in Hogwarts often? I would surely remember someone as pretty as you” James was saying.

It took Lily a full ten seconds before she understood the last words James spoke. A tinge of red crept up to her pale cheeks.

James chuckled. “You know Lily, you aren’t exactly incapable of speaking and you can talk.”

Lily frowned at him. “First of all it is Evans to you, Potter, since we aren’t friends and never will be. And second of all, I do not wish to engage in a conversation right now. And if you’ll excuse me…”

Her tone had been final and very cool. With a last level look at Potter, she took out a small, muggle novel from her robes pocket and smartly opened it to the page where she had last left off.

James was watching her, a gentle smile on his face. He looked out the window, not minding in the least Lily’s rather harsh words.

+_+ End of Flashback +_+

Oh God. She had been the rudest person to James. Lily flinched at the words she had uttered to him that had ended the – his – conversation.

It wouldn’t be a surprise if James Potter hated her now. But it did puzzle and intrigue her as how he knew of her. But most of all, he had been thinking of her? At least, as a possible candidate for Head Girl.

Lily shook her head to clear her thoughts of Potter and picked up her book. She didn’t have to meet him until tomorrow where they would be having a meeting with the other prefects.

She began to read.

Half an hour later, her eyelids felt burdensome and she gave a little yawn. She closed her book and placed it on her bedside table, beside her wand. Lily pressed her face into the soft pillow and snuggled deeper into the satin blankets. Her breathing grew even and deep as she slept.

Lily dreamed of lonely dreams, as she always did.

Review please and tell me if you suddenly hate it!

3. Silent Prayers part 1

Looking Through Glass

Chapter 3: Silent Prayers part 1

A/N: Thanks for those who reviewed and thanks also for pointing out my errors. As I wrote in my summary, Lily experienced a very tragic thing in her life and I will gradually unravel it in the upcoming chapters. Wouldn’t want to spoil the story! R&R!!!

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Lily dreamed of lonely dreams, as she always did.

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Lily was in the library the next morning, reading a thick, worn book. The title was gilded on the faded cover. The library was silent and empty at such an early hour in the morning.

Mostly everyone was in the Great Hall having breakfast but Lily tried to avoid large crowds and she rarely went down to the Great Hall to eat. She had found out, ever since her second year in Hogwarts, that the school elves were more than happy to bring her food to her dormitory.

She was the only other person in the large library – the other person was the librarian, Madame Crowley – her nose buried in a fascinating book about dark curses and their founders. Lily had a very lively enthrallment about dark curses since they were so morbidly exciting, though she would never try one of them on her fellow students.

Though she wasn’t much of a Gryffindor, Lily wasn’t naturally evil and she didn’t feel the malicious urge to hurt others, unlike Slytherins.

She had often wondered what it would be like to be in the other Houses. Ravenclaw was known for the brilliance of its students; Hufflepuff for being the most amiable; Gryffindor for bravery and camaraderie and Slytherin for those who are cunning and ambitious.

At first, upon learning that Ravenclaw was for the smart ones, courtesy of the book Hogwarts: A History, Lily wanted to be a Ravenclaw. But during the Sorting Ceremony, she had been placed in Gryffindor where the brave dwells. She hadn’t the faintest idea what the Sorting Hat found in her that was Gryffindor-ish.

“The Craver Curse was founded by the malevolent Lady Seasta after she witnessed the scene of her lover in another woman’s arms. This curse makes the unfaithful feel utterly nothing, neither pain nor pleasure. A cure hasn’t been found and the ministry had banned this curse after the 1690 Minister, Trevor Grandall, had been cursed by his wife on the bed of his mistress…”

Lily smirked inwardly. Men who toyed with women needlessly were the lowest creatures on the food chain.

She turned to the next, worn-out page carefully, hardly making a noise at all. Her legs were crossed beneath the table, one foot tapping on the air. Her wand in her robes pocket.

For the next few minutes, she read absorbedly, eyes scanning every intriguing dark curse and their sometimes amusing or gruesome reasons behind them.

So Lily, captivated by the book, didn’t notice that another student had entered the library. Madame Crowley looked at him and nodded her head in silent greeting and he did the same. James eyes searched the empty library and he caught sight of a figure at the far end of the room. The figure had red hair, bathed in sunlight that slanted from the open window on the brick wall.

James eyes lit up and he grinned, walking over to Lily with long, firm strides.

Her back was facing him and from the look of her relaxed form, James knew that Lily hadn’t noticed him yet. His brown eyes looked down on the open page she was reading, and his eyebrows knotted over bewildered eyes.

5000 Dark Curses and More.

What was Lily doing with a book like that?

James shrugged; answering his own question that she just loved to read everything.

“Are you going to loom over me all day?” Lily’s cool voice said quietly, startling James. He didn’t realize that she’d just notice him. Her shoulders had gone stiff and tense.

James pulled back the chair beside Lily and sat down, a charming grin on his lips. His messy black hair was sticking out all over, though it still looked a bit damp and his spectacles were clean and clear and his swirling robes hung on his lithe form.

Not that Lily noticed those things, of course.

She was very afraid that she might be developing a bit of a crush on James Potter, though Lily hardly spent time with him or even thought of him at all. But he was indeed charming, if his numerous girlfriends didn’t prove that, and he was undeniably quite pleasant in attitude and to look at. But isn’t that what a crush is just? Admiration for the opposite sex for some characteristics they possess that others don’t?

And if she did have a silly schoolgirl crush, Lily had not intention of letting it be known, especially to James Potter. Also, she would positively try to squash that sensation.

“How did you know I was here?” James asked curiously.

Lily didn’t look at him when she answered. “If the shadow that fell over me wasn’t yours, then I must be psychic.”

Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and if James noticed, he didn’t let it show. In fact, his grin got even wider.

“Biting off my head, are you?”

Lily frowned at his pleased tone, feeling irritated at his amusement.

She gave him a glare from the corners of her eyes.

“Yes, I am,” she said primly. “What are you doing here?”

Her voice was soft, observing the 4th rule of the library to keep your voice down.

“Oh, I just thought that I should catch up on some reading, since I do so love books so very much.” James was teasing and Lily felt indignant. Was he insulting her love for books? He better not be, for his own good.

“I see. So that’s why you’re hardly ever in the library because you love books greatly!”

Her green eyes were flashing with anger, making them glow like burning emeralds, but other than that, her face looked eerily calm.

“I didn’t mean to insult you, Lily,” James said, looking contrite.

Lily counted to ten and she relaxed inwardly, the fire in her eyes cooling down.

“You shouldn’t tease anyone, especially me Potter. Now if you excuse me, I have some reading to do” Lily curtly ended their talk.

James looked regretful that he’d teased Lily and scratched the back of his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I think we have gotten to the foregone conclusion that we have ended our discussion.”

Lily heard James sigh and stood up, his chair grazing against the floor noisily. Madame Crowley looked up and gave James a disapproving frown and shushed him. James gave the librarian an apologetic smile.

“All right, Lily – er – I mean, Evans. See you later at the prefects meeting and I’ll be heading to the Great Hall…well…” James shrugged and walked away, leaving Lily to relax considerably.

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Since I can’t update for a while, I decided to post the first half of chapter 3 that’s already finished! The second half will be coming soon…hopefully!!! Thanks to all those who reviewed!!!

4. Silent Prayer part 2

Looking Through Glass

Chapter 3: Silent Prayers part 2

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all associates belong solely to J.K Rowling and I will never own it, not even in my greatest dreams!!!

"All right, Lily – er – I mean, Evans. See you later at the prefects meeting and I'll be heading to the Great Hall…well…" James shrugged and walked away, leaving Lily to relax considerably.

A page from Lily Evan's magically altered diary (so that the words written in disappearing ink will sink between the pages and something insignificant and phony will replace the true diary entry)

September 4

Dear Diary,

It's been very hard, to say the least. I've been having nightmares when I thought I had shut them all out with the help of Vitersum, the potion that stops someone from dreaming. And with all my duty and responsibility as Head Girl this year – plus all that tension and annoyances that is James Potter – I am exhausted and weary.

Professor Slyvius has been giving me the eye for wasting so much of his precious ingredients just so I can stop my nightmares. But really, wasting a few drops of precious Merpeople blood are worth it to keep me sane, isn't it? But I am perplexed as why my nightmares have become more frequent and insisting. I cannot keep on thinking about that damn cliff and the deathly fall below where the waves would have surely licked me up into darkness and death…

No! I must not think of that particular moment. I have to be strong if I want to graduate valedictorian this year. This year is the most important year that I will have in Hogwarts and I cannot mess it up just because of a few nightmares keeping me awake at night.

Or a certain infuriating, four-eyed Potter fellow…

Ugh, here I go again. Why am I obsessing over that messy-haired prat? Why am I even thinking about James Potter?

Maybe…oh I don't know. I've always found something…sort of fascinating about James Potter. Not because he is good-looking but because there is something in him that is worth noticing. It may be his passion for Quidditch or his good humor or his natural kindness, despite his infamous reputation of being a prankster. Unlike the other guys here in Hogwarts, James Potter is half-decent to the plain-looking girls and average students around.

I must admit though, something in him has shifted. He doesn't wear that annoying, cocky grin on his face and he has hexed fewer students this year. Maybe because he is Head Boy. Or maybe because it is still the very start of a new school year. But something in James's walk clearly tells that he has changed somehow. I think James will not prank so many students this year, even if he is a prat. Why do I know that? I have no idea. It's been barely a week since the year started and he has pranked only the maximum of two people.

Fred Pudge, a Ravenclaw.

And of course, Severus Snape, a Slytherin.

As much as I try to act neutral about the Slytherin bunch, I can honestly say that Severus Snape is a slimy and gutless worm.

He is smart, I'm sure, but he is also evil and insulting. He calls me a mudblood and normally, I would just turn cool eyes on whoever calls me that but when Snape says it, I actually feel like a mudblood. Not something I want to experience.

But I really do have this weird sensation that James will decrease his meaningless pranks. He better. He is Head Boy after all.

But why am I wasting precious disappearing ink on someone like James Potter and Severus Snape? I should be writing about my schoolwork or my new duties as Head Girl. I have a busy day tomorrow and I pray that the Vitersum works completely tonight so I will have a good, dreamless sleep. Pray so silently that only someone who can carry out my wishes can hear them and possibly, quite hopefully, fulfill them.

Lily put down her flame-colored quill and watched passively as the ink slowly seeped into the paper as if the paper sucked it down. Then, with a slight shimmer, new paragraphs took the place of the original diary entry to dupe any anonymous reader who wasn't Lily Evans. She picked up the small, plain-looking diary and her quill and her special bottle of disappearing ink and walked over to her four-poster bed and quietly slipped between the silken sheets. Lily placed her quill and bottle of disappearing ink on the bedside table beside a worn out book Lily had borrowed from the library earlier.

Picking up her wand from the same little table, she tapped the tip against one of the intricately carved angels on the headboard. For a few moments, nothing happened. Then, slowly, softly, one of the tiny carved mouths opened wider and wider and wider until you could fit half of your body inside the magical cavern. Lily took her diary and placed it inside beside a medium-sized blue teddy bear.

Lily paused as she looked at the bear from the opening. The bear's mouth was titled into a smile of amusement and wryness. With a blink, she tapped the same angel whose lips were now forming a very large 'o' shape and then the mouth closed slowly until the whole disappeared and the engraved angel looked normal once more.

She had learned about the hiding place from the former Head Girl. It's been there since the first ever Head Girl and has been used by the succeeding line of Head Girl's as someplace where they could hide their prized treasures from prying eyes. Not even the Head Boy knew of it and certainly the professors had no idea of the hiding place. The Headmaster probably knows because Headmaster's just know everything. And the Head Girl's are forbidden to tell other people about the Angel Cave, as it is called.

Lily placed her wand back on the table and she lay on her great and soft bed, staring sleepily at nothing. Lily had already taken Vitersum and she was losing a sense of truthfulness and fantasy. True, Vitersum was very dangerous because wizards often found themselves permanently wondering what reality and fantasy is. But you only lose the sense of realism when you take Vitersum when you are awake. But to someone who drinks the potion when asleep, you will only have a dreamless slumber.

I'm going to sleep tonight, Lily thought with a small yawn as her eyes closed and her head lolled sideways, her cheek resting lightly on the feathery pillow. And forget about everything for a moment…

James took out his diary from its hideaway: underneath his mattress.

It wasn't exactly a distinctive place to hide something quite personal but James figures that his magically altered diary itself will prevent other persons from reading his journal.

The diary was something you didn't see everyday. There was a feral-looking jaw image on the front cover. James quickly touched the tip of the jaw and immediately, there was a dangerous growl emanating from the small book as the mouth pushed against the leather cover until it protruded and became a genuine mouth and the mouth opened its mouth wide, revealing very genuine and razor-sharp fangs.

James bravely placed his index finger on the quivering animal-lips and there was a slight sniffing sound as the enchanted diary distinguished James unique scent. Satisfied that it was its real owner, the jaws closed and retreated back to being just a plain picture against the leather cover. James grinned at his own ingenuity and opened his diary to the last journal entry he had written last night. The next page was clean and empty and James took out his wand.

"Accio quill," James said and pointed his wand to the general direction of his four-poster bed.

Something dark and pointy floated upwards and zoomed towards James. He agilely caught the soaring feathery quill without much effort and he leaned forward on his desk and began scribbling his most intimate and guarded thoughts onto the empty page of his enchanted diary.

September 4

Dear Diary,

Everyday, it is getting tougher to fight the desires within me. I am not used to getting denied what I want so badly but I guess I have to put up with it. My patience is wearing thin and one more great push, it will crumble like delicate glass. Lily is proving a much harder challenge than I thought. She has a big and very sturdy wall built around her so that no one will be able to hurt her. I suspect that she was badly hurt by someone very close to her. A family member, perhaps, since as I gather, Lily really has no friends. A real pity, because underneath all that ice and brood, is a cheerful and kind girl. I should get her to let her hair down – both literally and figuratively.

And everyday, Lily becomes even more beautiful.

Her hair shines an odd and fascinating red hue even when that tangled mass is restrained in a widow bun and I really long to wrap those locks around my fingers. Her green eyes are so brilliant and just green that I can drown in them for a long time but Lily would never allow that. Lily thinks she can hide that alluring figure of hers behind bulky and old school robes but even to the untrained eye, they can detect the slender curves of her petite body. Her skin is milky-white and is mostly unblemished, except for the wonderful sprinkle of freckles on the bridge of her small nose and cheeks.

But Lily only sees me as an arrogant prat who loves to pray silly pranks on other people. She can't see how much I have changed just because of her. No, but for her. Even my friends have noticed the not-so-subtle change in me. Padfoot even commented once that I didn't play the usual pranks that often anymore. He sort of liked and disliked the difference in my actions at the same time.

And sometimes, when Lily thinks that no one notices her, her eyes take on a glassy look in them and their emerald depths are filled with such utter terror, that by just looking – surreptitiously – at the horror in her eyes, the hairs on my arms and necks stand on an end. I promised myself that I will find out what haunts her eyes and dreams both day and night; despite how much she tries to repress it. I have discovered that she takes Vitersum every night ever since our fifth year. I had overheard Snape and Dumbledore talking about it in hushed voices about a week ago.

Now why would Lily take Vitersum?

While its cousin, Veritaserum, is the truth poison where you can tell no lie, Vitersum allows you to lie to yourself, convincing yourself whatever you want, even if it is a downright fib. Another work of Vitersum is that you have no dreams because one of the ingredients – the blood of the merpeople, I think – blocks your brain from showing subconscious images behind your closed eyelids when you sleep that we simply call dreams.

What could be so horrible that Lily wants to forget it at night? What are in her dreams that she wants so badly to disregard? Because the only reason I see for Lily to drink Vitersum as she falls asleep is to block her mind from dreaming. Lily is too smart not to know that when you take Vitersum whilst you are conscious, there is a ninety percent change of you losing your mind, confused at what is real and what is just imaginary. Yes, it must have been something so disturbing that Lily wants to forget about entirely but she can't. Obliviate-ing a particular memory in your brain is too complex and intricate for a witch-in-training to perform. Actually, most adult wizards find it very challenging as well.

Someday, I will find out what haunts Lily so much that she has to take Vitersum to forget it.

And someday…

I will not just complete that wish or I'll possibly jinx it. I'll just pray for it to happen secretly and maybe, just maybe, it'll come true.

Silently praying, of course. Can't have the bloody world know about my intentions!

I'm more afraid of Sirius finding out, actually.

Bloody freaky if he finds out, if you ask me.

A/N: So you know, this is my original plan for the part two. I didn't change anything. Well, I was supposed to add the other characters diary entries but since I haven't exactly introduced the other characters yet, why should I put their intimate thoughts already? Nah, better Lily and James only.

And personally, I think this part 2 of chapter 3 sucked. You've been anticipating for an update for so long and what do you get? This pathetic piece of writing. But hey, at least I got to elaborate on some of their feelings, right? Or did I? Whatever! Just review and I'll update really faster this time since exams are over. Yay! There is a god!

Equation:

reading the story leaving a review = makes me happy and update faster!