Harry Potter And The Torch Of Hope

Lisa Oceans Potter

Rating: PG13
Genres: Drama, Action & Adventure
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 07/02/2004
Last Updated: 03/04/2004
Status: paused

"Rest in me and I'll comfort you/I have lived and I died for you/Abide in me and I vow to you /I will never forsake you" (Evanescence 'Lies') Nightmares had come, with warnings and feelings Harry only wanted to forget. But then, when he finally released his past, a new adventure appeared in his life. An adventure full of dreams, enigmas and fears that will turn Harry's 6th year into one he will wish to forget. After all, choices have to be made and it will be a decision, which will make Harry realize what it felt like to loose his own heart.

Chapters

1. Memories, Letters & The Journey To Hogwarts (I)

2. Memories, Letters & The Journey To Hogwarts II

3. Memories Of The Last Marauder And A River Of Tears (I)

4. Memories Of The Last Marauder And A River Of Tears (II)

1. Memories, Letters & The Journey To Hogwarts (I)

Disclaimer: No, I don't own anything. What do you think? If I did, I wouldn't be here writing you a fic. *smiled* Ok, lets talk seriously. Everything belongs to JKR, except the plot and some memories that I used along the story. So, no need to sue me, ok?

Important Note: Whatever is between **, means that someone is recalling something from the past. Some of those thoughts belong to the books, but that can change according to the character. And, even though this is the continuation of the fifth book, it can have some modifications. So, in case something doesn't seem correct, that means that I've changed it for some reason that you'll discovered along the story. Oh, I almost forgot, what's between `' means a dream.

Especial Thanks To: Jen, who accepted to be my beta-reader. Thank you, Jen, for everything.

Summary:

"Rest in me and I'll comfort you/I have lived and I died for you/Abide in me and I vow to you /I will never forsake you" (Evanescence 'Lies') Nightmares had come, with warnings and feelings Harry only wanted to forget. But then, when he finally released his past, a new adventure appeared in his life. An adventure full of dreams, enigmas and fears that will turn Harry's 6th year into one he will wish to forget. After all, choices have to be made and it will be a decision, which will make

Harry realize what it felt like to loose his own heart.

Harry Potter And The Torch Of Hope

Chapter 1: Memories, Letters & The Journey To Hogwarts

*Harry saw Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light; he was laughing at her.

“C”mon, you can do better than that!” he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room.

The second jet of light hit him squarely in the chest. The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.

Harry tried to stop all that, but the only thing he could do was released Neville, just like he had done on that terrible night.

Harry saw, once again, Sirius' body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backwards through the ragged veil hanging from the arch. Harry wanted to save his godfather, but the only thing he could hear was Bellatrix Lestrange's triumphant scream, while his own voice screamed for Sirius.

And, just like it had happened before, Remus Lupin's voice was the last thing Harry heard, before waking up screaming:

“There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing...he's gone.”*

“SIRIUS!” Harry yelled, sitting up on his bed. “No, please!” Harry opened his eyes, and looked around. “No please, don't leave me! Siri...” Harry stopped mid-sentence, when he realized that it was just a dream; the same one that haunted him since he had left Hogwarts.

Harry looked out the window and a lonely tear fell down his cheek; the one and only tear that had leaked from Harry's bloodshot eyes. That was the only tear that could show what Harry was feeling on the inside.

Taking a deep breath, Harry got up from his bed, grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, before sitting on the bed again, in Indian style. He laid the parchment down on top of a book, his potions book to be exact, and began writing.

Dear Snuffles,

How are you? I'm just writing this, so I could tell you what I'm feeling at the moment and how my holidays have been. Well, the Dursleys have been treating me like they always do, but I'm used to that. I just hate the fact I to diet just because Aunt Petunia wants to make Dudley a stick (like that's possible). Anyway, I received one letter from Tonks, saying that everything was ok, and that the Order was still working on a way to finish Voldemort, once and for all. Oh, she said Lupin has been a little sick, but that's nothing to be alarmed with. It's probably just a summer cold. Well, I have been well, even though I still have nightmares (no, I don't dream about Voldemort). I haven't received any letters from Hermione, however Ron sent me one saying she was in Bulgaria with Krum (yeah, that Victor Krum). Oh, by the way, I think our red haired friend his falling in love. I'm not sure yet, but Ginny added a P.S. on the letter Ron sent me, saying that he and Luna (a friend) had been exchanging mail. Who knows, maybe Ron has finally found some happiness. Look, I know this letter is small, but the truth is that I can't write more.

Waiting for a replay,

Harry

A small sound made Harry look up. He saw Hedwig extend her wings inside the cage. It seemed that she knew he was going to need her.

“Can you go give this to Sirius?” Harry said to her. The owl rolled her head to the side, like saying she didn't understand. “You know...my godfather.” The owl gave another sound, and Harry opened her cage. “Just be careful, ok?” After biting his finger affectionately, the owl gave another `hoot', before flying through the open window, and disappearing into the dark night.

Harry stared out at the stars for a minute before lying back down upon his bed. He closed his eyes, and leaned his head against the wall, and let his mind return to the events of the last year.

*There's a room in the Department of Mysteries that is kept locked at all times. It contains a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than the forces of nature. It is also, perhaps, the most mysterious of the many subjects for study that resides there. It is the power held within that room that you possess in such quantities and which Voldemort has none at all. That power took you to save Sirius tonight. That power also saved you from possession by Voldemort, because he could not bear to reside in a body so full of the force he detests. In the end, it mattered not that you could not close your mind. It was your heart that saved you.*

Dumbledore's words would always appear when his mind wasn't prepared. Harry would always hear what he didn't want to hear, but he knew that, no matter how hard he tried, the followed words would never disappear.

*The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approached...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hands of the other for neither can live while the other survives...the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies.*

Harry opened his eyes.

“And either must die at the hands of the other for neither can live while the other survives...” he whispered to the air. Was that his destiny? Fight Voldemort, and die while trying to do so? No, he didn't want to do that, but even when he thought he would never accomplish that, a voice in his head would reassure him. It would tell him that he was destined to do it, and that he would accomplish his mission.

Shaking his head, Harry grabbed a square mirror that was on the bedside table and looked at his reflection. He saw a sixteen-year old boy looking back at him, with dark circles under his once brilliant emerald-green eyes. Now, his eyes looked so lost and sad that the green seemed to have been replaced by two dark brown eyes.

His hair was like always, or if possible, more disheveled on top of his head. His body was a little more muscular due to the work he had started doing since he had returned from school, and he was much thinner, since he barely ate.

`This is a two-way mirror, I've got the other one of the pair. If you need to speak to me, just say my name into it; you'll appear in my mirror and I'll be able to talk in yours. James and I used to use them when we were in separate detentions,' Sirius's voice echoed in his mind. `Use it if you need me, all right?'

“Sirius,” said Harry, his voice trembling. “Sirius, please, answer me. I need you.” But nothing happened; Harry just kept staring at his reflection. “C'mon Sirius, you promised me, remember? You promised you would always be there when I needed, and that time is now! Please don't leave me alone. Please...”

Silence filled the air. Harry's pleas were not answered, it was all in vain. Sirius was not going to answer, nor would he ever. He was all alone, like always.

Putting the mirror on the bedside table again, Harry returned to his original position and looked at the ceiling; that wasn't a lie, he was alone. He had always been.

On an attempt to shield the thoughts that were appearing in his head, Harry grabbed his photo album and started looking at the pictures. He turned to the first page; it was his parents, looking happy, along with baby Harry. He eyed the picture for a few minutes, and then turned the page.

He came to pictures of him and his friends in first year, others from the second, and so on. He treasured those memories like they were a part of him; in a way they actually were. They were all his memories from the past, the events of the present and wishes for the future.

He came to the picture of him and Cho and stopped. Memories began flooding his mind as he remembered the day he shared his first kiss with her; he could still remember how she was and how he felt. But he also remembered the conversation on the train, months after they shared that moment.

*”What's - er - going on with you and her, anyway?” Ron asked, quietly

“Nothing.” said Harry, truthfully

“I - er - heard she's going out with someone.” said Hermione, tentatively*

Harry had been surprise to find out that information, but it didn't hurt at all and if he was being honest, the news that Ginny was dating Michael Corner was more of a shock.

Shaking his head again, Harry continued to look at the pictures until he looked at one where Hermione was all alone, dressed in her school robes and a book in front of her chest. She had been the one who gave him tips about how to react around girls, especially girls like Cho. He had to admit, that his best female friend seemed to know a lot about that subject, but when did Hermione ever not know a lot about a subject?

Suddenly an owl entered his room, and Harry looked up surprised. It spotted the small, frantic owl and knew immediately it was Ron's owl, Pig.

Getting up, Harry went over to the owl that, after her entrance, had gone to Hedwig's cage to drink some water.

“Hey Pig! Mail for me?” he asked in a whisper and, after drinking a bit of water, Pig extended her leg and Harry grabbed the letter attached. The instance she was free from the mail, Pig jumped from the cage, startling Harry a bit, and looked at the human in front of her. Rolling his eyes, Harry opened the letter.

Hello mate,

How are you? I do hope you're ok, and that those muggles are treating you well. Mum is always threatening she will go there herself to pick you up if she finds out you are having any problems. And she also said that, if you're in need and you don't say anything, she just might do something crazy. I'm telling you, Mum`s going crazy for not receiving news from you. So, I ask you to answer this letter, even if it's just with a `hello, I'm alive!' Do it, please. Now, other things...hum...there's nothing going on around here, even though many think that You-Know-Who is preparing something. Many say it's something big, but I don't have any clue of what it is. Maybe Hermione does. Speaking of which, I haven't received any mail from that girl. What do you think she's doing? In a way I'm scared to find out but, even though we're always fighting, I care for her and I'm scared she could get hurt. Never trust a guy like Krum (and no Harry, I'm not jealous).

Well...Ah, I remember! Will you believe me if I told you Ginny is still with Dean? I can't, and that's why I already sent a letter...ups, Ginny's coming, better not finish this sentence. Ok, I don't have anything else to tell you besides the fact that Lupin is all right. Mum said he must have caught some cold, but now he's ok. Anxiously awaiting your reply!

Ron

Harry rolled his eyes. Ron was making everything sound like it was a matter of life or death. He was ok, what else could he say? He wasn't going to say he barely ate or that he was working hard, because that would just cause a riot at the Burrow. However, he would answer the letter.

Grabbing another piece of parchment, Harry started writing his reply.

Hey Ron,

To answer your insistent questioning, I'm ok, and everything is going well. The Dursleys are the same, but they know how to take a threat, and Moody did help with that. So you can tell your mother not to worry. Now, about Hermione, I haven't received a single letter from her either, but I'm sure she's fine. Maybe she's just happy to know more about the culture of another country. And, who knows, maybe she hasn't finished her homework yet. So Ginny and Dean, are still a item, eh? Good to hear that.

Now, give a `hi' to all your family, Lupin and Tonks for me, since I doubt I'll see them before school starts..

See ya,

Harry

Harry looked at Pig who, oddly, was quiet and looking at him, expecting for the mail. Harry put the letter on the owl's leg that, after a `hoot', flew through the window.

“That was strange,” Harry mumbled to himself, lying down on the bed. “Very strange.” Giving a small yawn, Harry leaned his head on his pillow and fell fast asleep.

~*~

“What I've done for you. I've cried, screamed and bled but you didn't answer my pleas. But now I'll do it; I'll save myself. I already reached the end of my heart, and I know I can't die here. I know I have to fight against this fall, against this darkness, so I can go back to you. My thoughts are confusing my mind and my heart, but I know I can't die here. I know I have to go back for you. And I'll be there for you, just like this darkness will always be here for me.

I'm not going to let myself be swallowed by the darkness, just like my heart has been swallowed by the love I feel for you.

I'm going back for you, just like you always came to me and the others. You've never given up, and neither will I, because of you.

Because you're the reason, I survive this nightmare.”

~*~

The sun hadn't come out, and Harry was already working in the garden, trying to keep his mind occupied from thinking about the events of the last year.

However, many times he would start to think about his best friends, especially Hermione. Was everything be ok with her? Why hadn't she sent any news or, just like Ron had said to him, sent something even if it was just to say, “I'm alive!”

What if something happened her and no one told him?

'No, of course not! Ron would have said something! He is just as worried as I am.'

Shaking his head, Harry started working on Aunt Petunia's begonias but a voice made him turn around.

“Harry, what the heck are you doing?”

When he could see who was calling him, Harry wanted to disappear. Tonks was on the other side of the fence, with Mad-Eye Moody, who was dressed in the same clothes he had on the last time Harry had seen him on the station.

Tonks, on the other hand, was black trousers and a purple blouse, just like her hair.

“Um...Hi?” Harry said tentatively, but he knew nothing was going to help him now.

“Potter, what the hell are you doing?” Moody asked. “The sun hasn't come out yet and you're working?”

“Um...yeah?” Harry replied without knowing how to react.

“You're answering or asking?” Tonks asked, shaking her head. “Why didn't you say something to us?”

Harry shrugged; the truth was that he didn't want to be a burden to anyone, and he certainly didn't want anyone else to die.

“For what?” he asked, standing up. “The school year is about to begin.”

“In two weeks,” Moody said “And what have you being eating? You look like a stick.”

“Hmm...” Harry blushed of shame. “I have been doing exercise.”

“Exercise made muscles, and not white skin,” Moody replied.

“We're leaving,” Tonks said. “And you're coming with us.”

“No!” Harry exclaimed. He didn't want to leave because, among everything else, he was waiting for Sirius' reply.

”Don't argue with us, Potter,” Moody scolded. “You're coming with us, and I'm going to have a little chitchat with your uncle. I think he didn't believe me at the station.”

“No,” Harry repeated again. “Please, I don't want to leave.”

“You must be kidding,” Tonks said, as her hair started to get a shade of red. “You're coming with us and that's final.”

“No, I can't go,” Harry said. “I'm waiting for Hedwig...I sent her to deliver some mail and...”

“She'll find the way,” Moody interrupted. “You're going to the Burrow.”

“But I can't,” Harry said. “And I'm not going.”

“What's making you stay here?” Tonks asked, as her hair turned to the same shade of dark purple it was before. “It must be something serious.”

Harry looked down when the word reached his ears. He could still remember how he and Ron used to play with Sirius name, making it rhyme with `serious'.

“I'd rather not talk about it,” Harry replied, still looking down. “I just want to stay here.”

“And how do you expect to buy your supplies?” Moody asked. “You have to come with us.”

“Don't worry about me,” Harry replied, looking at them. “I can take care of myself.”

“I don't doubt that, but I still don't like the idea of leaving you here, all alone.”

“I may be alone, but I know how to defend myself,” Harry said. “I'll be fine.”

“Ok,” Moody agreed, after a few seconds. “But I'll keep an eye open; if something goes wrong, someone will come and pick you up, whether you want to or not. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Harry replied, knowing Moody had won.

“And you have to promise you'll warn us if something happens to you,” Tonks said. “Promise?”

Harry took a deep breath.

“I promise,” he said finally.

“I do hope you're good on your word,” Moody said before looking at Tonks. “C'mon, we have to see Arabella before going.”

“Wait!” Harry exclaimed, and the two adults looked at him. “How's Lupin?”

“He's all right,” Tonks said. “It was just a cold.”

“Good,” Harry said, giving a faint smile.

“See ya,” Tonks said. With Moody at her side, they started approaching Mrs.. Figg's house.

When the two members of the Order disappeared, Harry looked at the sky. 'It's too soon for a reply. You've just sent her yesterday.' he thought, but even with that thought he didn't stop looking at the sky

~*~

The night had already come and Harry hadn't left his room, since he had finished all the tasked Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had given him.

Since he had returned to what he called `room', Harry tried to use the mirror Sirius gave him, but he still didn't receive an answer.

When the moon was almost on the top of the sky, Hedwig came into the room, startling Harry, who had dozed off.

“Hedwig!” he exclaimed, not caring that he could wake his relatives. “Finally, did you find Sirius?” Harry could see a letter on his white owl's leg but, when she didn't make any move for him to take it, he knew she hadn't been able to find his godfather. The owl seemed to be sad for not being able to accomplish her task, but Harry petted her head, giving her some reassurance. “That's ok; I know you did your best.”

When he took the letter from the owl, he opened a drawer where many letters were, all addressed to Sirius and none answered.

'Maybe it's time to move on.' Harry shook his head. 'No, Sirius wouldn't give up on me that easily. But I know he's...' he stopped his thoughts. He couldn't say it, he couldn't voice his fears. He didn't want to feel like the eleven year old boy he had once been, but at the moment, that's how he felt. Maybe it was time to go to Ron and start thinking about the next year.

Closing the drawer, Harry grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, before start writing:

Hey Ron,

I know this is out of the blue, but I really needed to ask you a favor: can I go there? Nothing's wrong, but Tonks and Moody were here, and they want to take me to the Burrow. I said no, but now I keep thinking maybe it's not a bad idea. They know I'm here, and they'll start watching me. I can't bear the thought. So, if you (and your family) don't mind, can I go there?

Waiting for your answer,

Harry”

Harry looked at Hedwig, who was already on her cage and got up from the chair.

“Can you do me a favor, and go give this to Ron?” he asked and the owl looked at him. “I know that you're tired, but...” however before he could end the sentence, the white owl flew to his shoulder and Harry couldn't help but smile. “Thank you,” he whispered, petting her on the head, after putting the letter on the her leg

Hedwig gave a small `hoot' and disappeared through the window, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts.

~*~

*”There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing...he's gone...gone...gone...”*

Harry woke up with Lupin's voice in his mind. Those were the words he had to accept, but he couldn't. He couldn't believe that he was all alone, after everything he had been through. He couldn't be alone again, he just couldn't.

However, when Harry put his glasses on, a feeling of dizziness hit him hard and Harry put a hand over his head, while closing his eyes.

After a few seconds, he opened his eyes again but the dizziness didn't stop, on the contrary, it seemed to be getting worse.

“Who are you?” Uncle Vernon's voice asked. “What are you doing in my house?”

Harry could hear voices downstairs, voices that he couldn't understand, until Aunt Petunia screamed and Harry tried to get out of his bed.

Maybe they were Death Eaters that wanted to get him. If that was the case, he was prepared to fight them, even though he felt himself lose all his strength.

With his hand trembling, Harry grabbed his wand and looked at the door. Maybe it was Sirius trying to rescue him! Maybe he did find a way out of the veil! But Harry couldn't be sure, so he didn't lower his wand.

However, his knees seemed to weaken. It had to be because he hadn't eaten in three days, except a piece of bread and a glass of water.

But he wouldn't let himself be beaten because of that; he had to be alert.

Suddenly, the door of his room opened and, at the same time Harry pointed his wand towards it, a woman with flaming red hair appeared.

“Harry!” she exclaimed, but her voice didn't pass above a whisper for Harry. With some difficulty, he saw that the woman was Mrs. Weasley and behind her were Mr. Weasley, Ron and Ginny.

He wanted to say something, so Harry tried to open his mouth but nothing get out. Harry just felt all his strength disappear and, after some seconds, he fell backwards.

~*~

“There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing...he's gone...gone...gone...”

“No, no, no!” Harry sat up in a jump, before extending his arms to his front. “No, Sirius please, come back!”

“Harry, please, wake up!” a female voice exclaimed. “Sirius isn't here.”

Opening his eyes, Harry saw that he wasn't in his room anymore and that he wasn't alone.

“Harry?” a male voice asked. “Are you ok?”

Harry looked to his side to see Mrs. and Mr. Weasley, along with Ron and Ginny.

“Are you ok, mate?” Ron asked, while Ginny gave Harry his glasses.

“Yeah,” the dark haired boy answered. “I'm fine.”

“Well, I'm very disappointed with you Harry,” Mrs. Weasley said. “Why didn't you say you were having problems?”

Harry looked ashamed.

“I'm sorry Mrs. Weasley, but I didn't want to become a burden to anyone.”

“You'll never, ever, be a burden to us, Harry,” Mrs. Weasley said. “You're like a son to me, and I was hurt when I saw that you were in need and didn't tell us anything.”

“I'm sorry,” Harry whispered, looking at his hands.

“There's no need to be sorry, Harry,” Mr. Weasley said. “But you could have said something to us. You're a member of this family.”

Harry looked up, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

”You're like a brother, Harry,” Ginny said. “My brother.”

“Same here,” Ron agreed, waving.

“You see Harry, we're not taking you in because you're a burden,” Mrs. Weasley said. “We're taking you in, because you're a member of this family.”

Harry made a small smile.

“Thank you,” he whispered, at the same time Mrs. Weasley hugged him.

“You're welcome son, you're welcome,” she whispered in a trembling voice, and Harry was sure she was crying.

“Oh, c'mon mum!” Ron exclaimed. “If you start crying, we all are going to cry too!” Ginny sniffled and Ron pointed at her. “See? Ginny already is!”

“I'm not crying!” Ginny exclaimed, hitting her brother's arm.

“Of course you aren't,” Ron answered sarcastically. “You had something in your eye.”

Harry smiled when he saw that nothing had changed. Mrs. Weasley kissed his forehead and stepped back.

“Are you sure, you can walk?” she asked, wiping her tears.

“Yes,” Harry answered. “How long have I been here?”

“Four days,” Mr. Weasley answered.

“We were thinking about taking you to St. Mungos, but you started to stir,” Mrs. Weasley said. “But that's not important anymore, you're awake and now you're going to eat. You're very thin for a person your age, and I don't want any of you to be sick.”

“Finally!” Ron exclaimed. “I was starting to think dinner would never be served!”

“Dinner?” Harry asked. “What time is it?”

“Eight,” Ginny answered, before looking at her brother. “Can't you stop thinking about food, for a second?”

“Well, excuse me if I'm hungry,” Ron answered.

“Children,” Mrs. Weasley interrupted. “Give me five minutes, and dinner will be served.” She looked at Harry. “Why don't you go and take a bath dear? You'll feel better.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Weasley,” Harry answered and Molly kissed him on the forehead again, before looking at her children. “And you two are going to help me.”

”Mum!” both exclaim, at the same time.

“Ok, I'm off,” Ron said, approaching the door. “See ya at dinner, mate.” and he's left the room.

“Wait Ron, I'm going too!” Ginny exclaimed, getting out of the room.

~*~

“I still don't understand why you didn't say anything to us about what was going on with you!” Ron said, while Harry sat on his bed in Ron's room.

“I didn't want to be a burden,” Harry said, shrugging. “And I wanted to stay there, a few more days, because I was waiting for a reply.”

“Oh?” Ron asked, looking suspiciously at his friend. “A girl's reply?”

Harry swallowed hard; he couldn't say the truth.

“Yeah, Hermione's,” he lied. “I haven't recieved a single letter from her and I was getting worry.”

“Any luck?” Ron asked, jumping to his bed. “I sent her some letters, and so did Ginny, but she hasn't answer a single one.”

“No,” Harry answered, feeling a bit ashamed for having not sent one letter too his best female friend. “But, who knows, maybe she's having some fun for change.”

“Doubt it,” Ron said. “The only fun Hermione knows is books. Krum would have to be superman to take Hermione away from a library.”

“Oh, don't speak about her like that,” Harry said. “Hermione loves books, that's ture but look how many times her knowledge has saved us in the past. We should be thanking the stars that she reads as much as she does!”

“You're right, but that doesn't make it sound crazy, if you think Hermione doesn't know how to have fun.”

Harry shook his head.

”You'll see; she'll appear on Diagon Alley.”

“Speaking of that, we're going tomorrow,” Ron said.

“Already?” Harry asked, raising his eyebrow. “But we're...”

“August 27,” Ron finished. “Besides, Luna and Dean said they're going tomorrow...”

“Ah yes, Luna Lovegood,” Harry said, with a smile. “How's she?”

”Ok, I guess." Ron replied, with his ears turning red "We've been talking and we decided to go tomorrow to buy the supplies. Ginny sent Hermione a letter, but Pig hasn't come back yet so we don't know if she's going to meet us there.”

“Oh, she will,” Harry said. “I mean, Hermione wouldn't miss it, would she?”

“Yes, she would,” a female voice said, and Ron and Harry turned to see Ginny at the door.

“How long have you been there?” Ron asked.

“Just now,” Ginny answered, approaching the two boys.

“How do you know she isn't going to the Diagon Alley?” Harry asked.

“Because she answered my letter,” Ginny answered, giving him the piece of parchment she had in her hand.

Harry grabbed the paper and cleared his throat, before reading it.

Dear Ginny,

I'm sorry for not answering your letters, or Ron's, but I have been busy.

I was preparing to return home, when Pig appeared and I thought it was better to answer now, before you started thinking what you shouldn't.

I'm not going to meet you in Diagon Alley, since I already have my supplies and books. I decided to buy everything when I was returning home, so I wouldn't waste too much time.

I hope we can meet at the station or, if that's not possible, meet at Hogwarts.

Kisses to everyone,

Hermione

“That...was vague,” Ron said, while Harry put the letter on his lap.

“Yeah, I thought that too,” Ginny said. “But at least she answered the letter.”

“Yeah, but...,” Harry said, before shaking his head. “I'm getting paranoid.”

”What?” Ron asked and Harry looked at him.

“I don't know, but this letter...it doesn't sound like Hermione at all.”

“What do you mean?” Ginny asked, confused. “She said she was busy, maybe she's preparing herself to be a Prefect again.”

“Yeah,” Ron agreed “I still have to pinch myself, sometimes, because I can't believe I'm a Prefect again.”

However, before Harry could answer, a dark brown owl entered through the window.

“Who's that?” Ginny asked.

“It's from Hogwarts,” Ron said, taking the letter from the owl. “It's for you, Harry.”

“Me?” Harry asked, pointing to himself while grabbing the letter. Slowly, Harry opened the letter and read the contents.

Dear Mr. Potter,

Despite the conversation we had on the end of the last year, which you must remember, I have to announce you're the second Gryffindor Prefect.

This information came due to resignation of one of the School Prefects.

Please, despite of everything that has happened, I ask for you to accept this nomination.

For any information about being a Prefect, ask Mr. Weasley, since I know you're with him at the moment.

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry”

“What?” Harry asked. “They made me a Prefect?”

`Why?” Ginny asked.

“Wait until Hermione hears this.” Ron said.

“But I can't be a Prefect!” Harry exclaimed. “This...this is insane!”

”Dumbledore said there, that it's because of some resignation,” Ginny said.

“Yeah, but who was it?” Ron asked.

“That doesn't matter!” Harry exclaimed. “I can't be a Prefect. That's insane!”

“Why?” Ginny asked, confused.

“I have too much to think about right now,” Harry answered “I can't be a Prefect.”

“But you are, and you're going to accept that,” Ron said. “Can you imagine? You, Hermione and I; we'll be together!”

“I don't know…,” Harry said. He didn't feel prepared to be a Prefect, besides who resigned in the first place?

”C'mon Harry, accept it,” Ron said.

“I know you're going to be a great Prefect,” Ginny finished and Harry took a deep breath.

“Ok,” he said after a few seconds. “I'll do it.”

“That's the spirit!” Ron exclaimed.

“Yeah, Hogwarts students beware,” Ginny said, giggling. “The `Trio of Hogwarts' is together, and prepared to fight the bad guys.”

He was going to accept the place, but he would have to talk with Dumbledore.

~*~

“How can I see in this darkness, the light of hope? How can I see a light of life, if I'm in the middle of the dead? How can I believe I'll breathe again, if I'm sleeping among those who have lost?

Right now, I don't feel anything. Right now, I know I'm alone. I want to escape, but I know that's not possible, and so I give up my battle.

I want to go back, I want to feel the warnth of your arms and the beating of your heart, but how can I do that if I'm frozen in my soul? How can I do that, if my heart doesn't beat anymore?
I want to wake up, I want to go back to life, but I can't. I'm sleeping between my fears and nightmares, and I know I can't escape.

All I have to do is ask for forgiveness, since I know I'll never see the light of hope again.”

~*~

A/N: So, liked it? I had to cut this chapter here, because it was too damn long. According to my beta-reader, this chapter is 35 pages long (or more) so *nervous laugh* I decided to cut it here. I'll post the rest of this chapter, soon (at least, I think so). Please review. Thank you.

2. Memories, Letters & The Journey To Hogwarts II

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JKR, except the plot and some memories that I used along the story.

Thanks to everyone, who reviewed. You can't imagine how important your words are to me. Thank you and enjoy.

Chapter 2: Memories, Letters & The Journey To Hogwarts (II)

The journey to Diagon Alley had turned out to be very long and Harry couldn’t help but feel a little left-out.

When they had entered, Ginny had gone to meet Dean at the Three Broomsticks, and Ron had gone to the Quidditch Supplies to find Luna.

While doing that, Harry had gone to Gringotts, to get some money. After he had left the Bank, Harry had gone to buy his supplies, some times bumping into Ron or Ginny, who were ‘shopping’.

But the strangest thing about that day, was the fact Harry was sure he had seen Hermione a couple of times. But that wasn’t possible, since Hermione said she had bought her books already.

When Harry was preparing to go back to the Burrow, he stopped in front of his favorite store in Diagon Alley: the Quidditch Supplies.

He missed the feeling of being in the sky, flying and trying to catch the Snitch.

“Harry?” a voice called, and Harry turned around to see Cho Chang standing behind him.

“Hello Cho.”

“Hmm...” the girl blushed. “I just wanted to ask if you’re going to continue with the DA team.”

“Oh,” Harry said, feeling strange by the fact he wasn’t feeling anything while talking to that girl, it was like everything he felt for her had disappeared. “I don’t know. Why?”

“Well, I thought it was a great thing and that, even though it is my last year at Hogwarts, I would like to continue.”

“Well, when I know the answer, I’ll tell you something,” Harry said.

Cho gave him a nervous smile.

“Ok, thanks. See ya at Hogwarts.” And with that, she turned around and disappeared in the crow.

Harry shrugged, before looking at the store again. However, his memories were interrupted again.

“Look everyone, Potter is all alone!”

Taking a small breath, Harry turned around.

“What do you want, Malfoy?” he asked.

“Nothing. Just wanted to see if you already accepted that that godfather of yours, is dead.”

“Malfoy, you really don’t want to touch on that subject,” Harry warned.

“Why not? He died, and that’s final. And you Potter, as you have always been, are all alone, with no one is on your side.”

“You’re wrong,” Harry countered. “I have friends, something you’ll never have.”

”Oh really? And where are they? Probably shagging in an alley,” Malfoy sneered. “I always thought you were the one that was getting the mudblood, but I guess I was wrong.”

“I hope you’re not talking about Hermione, Malfoy,” Harry said, trying to be calm. “For your own sake.”

“You can’t do anything to me Potter. This street is crowed with people,” Malfoy said. “Besides, I already made my point. You’re all alone, just like you’ll always be. Your friends left you Pottter, you’re just too blind to see it.”After another look between the two, Draco turned around left.

Harry closed his eyes. Maybe Malfoy was right, maybe he was all alone.

~*~

“Harry, something wrong?” Ron asked, putting the sheet over him.

“No,” Harry answered, looking at the ceiling.

“Is this about what happened in Diagon Alley?” Ron pressed. “If it is, I’m sorry.”

”There’s nothing to be sorry for, Ron,” Harry answered. “I’m just thinking about something.”

”Hermione?” Ron asked, looking at his friend.

“Yes, but not just her,” Harry answered.

“Want to share?”

“No,” Harry answered, shaking his head. “This is my problem, and only I can solve it.”

“All right,” Ron said. “If you’re sure.”

”I’m sure Ron, go to sleep.”

”You too, tomorrow we’ll be back at Hogwarts.”

“Yes,” Harry agreed, before whispering, “Tomorrow, I’ll return home.”

~*~

“I’m not breathing, and no one cares. I need someone to talk with, but I don’t have anyone. I want to smile, but only tears fall. I want to hear your voice, but only my screams sound in my ears. I want to go back to life, but I’m still frozen in death.

I’m not sleeping, but I’m not awake. I’m not dead, but I’m not alive. What am I right now? Why can’t someone hear me? Am I all alone? No, I know I’m not alone, I just feel like I’m alone. Right? I can’t be alone in this darkness; I can’t be imagining I can go back to myself again. It has to be true; I have to go back to my heart and to who is my life.”

~*~

‘”Harry..Harry...”

Harry looked around, in an attempt to find the person who was calling him, but all that was around him was darkness.

“Who's there?” he asked.

“C’mon Harry, you have to look for the Torch.”

”What?” Harry asked, confused “What Torch?”

“You have to look for it...it’s the answer to this...the Torch can mean the end of everything!” the voice said. “Look for it...find it...use it...”

“What? Who are you? What Torch?”

“Seek, and you’ll know. Seek, use it and finish all,” the voice said. “Only you can do it. Look for those who already know of its existence, and you’ll find it.”

“Who are those people? What’s the Torch? Who are you?”

“Look for the answer, look for the one that already has seen and touched the Torch. Do as your heart says!”

”Who are you?” Harry asked, still looking around him.

“Harry, wake up,” another voice said.

“What?” Harry asked, confused.'

“Harry, wake up,” Ginny said. “C’mon, I have to wake Ron.”

“What?” Harry mumbled, before opening his eyes. “Ginny?”

“Finally!” the red haired girl exclaimed. “I almost used drastic ways, to see if I could wake you up.” She looked at Ron. “Now, the mission impossible.”

“Oh, no, that won’t be difficult.” Harry said.

“Oh yes, it will,” Ginny said, approaching her brother. “It has been impossible since...well, ever.”

“I bet you it isn’t,” Harry said.

“One galleon,” Ginny said.

“If you’re sure,” Harry said, shrugging. “Be my guest.”

Taking a deep breath, Ginny shook her brother violently.

“Ron, wake up!” she exclaimed. “We’re going to miss the train!”

”Five minutes, mum,” Ron mumbled.

“I’m not mum, Ron,” Ginny answered, shaking her brother. “C’mon, wake up!”

“Leave me alone,” Ron said and Ginny looked at Harry.

”Dare to try?”

Harry looked at her and smiled. This was going to be fun, he thought.

Clearing his throat, Harry approached is best friend’s bed.

“Luna, how are you? Are you looking for Ron, well, he’s asleep right now and...”

Ron jerked awake, frantically looking around the room.

“Luna? Where?”

Harry shared a look with Ginny, who began giggling.

“She’s not here, Ron,” the red haired girl said. “But she’s waiting for you, at the station and you’re late.”

Ron looked at his sister.

“Get out of town, it must be...”

“Ten o’clock,” Ginny interrupted. “And we’re leaving in half an hour. So, better hurry. The whole family is already waiting for you, guys.” She approached the room’s door and said, “See ya, soon.”

”Hey, what about my galleon?” Harry asked.

“I’ll give you it downstairs,” Ginny said, closing the door.

“What galleon?” Ron asked, confused.

“Forget it,” Harry said. “None of your business.”

~*~

“Come along, children!” Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. “We have five minutes before the train is off.”

“We’re going mum, we’re going,” Ron said, pushing his trolley but Mrs. Weasley ignored him.

”C’mon Ginny, you’ll go first.”

Ginny looked around, to see if anyone was looking, and ran towards the wall before passing through it.

“Ron, Harry go. And please, try to stay out of trouble this year.”

“No can do, mum,” Ron said, before adding, “But we’ll do our best.”

”Be careful Harry, and don’t forget, we’ll always be here for you,” Mrs. Weasley said, hugging the boy.

“Thanks you Mrs. Weasley and I’m sorry for not telling you anything.”

”Oh, that’s all right; I know that you’re sorry and you promised not to do the same thing again.” Mrs. Weasley stepped back and hugged her younger son. “Go now, I don’t want you to miss the train.”

“Bye mum!” Ron exclaimed, while Harry looked around to see if anyone was looking.

Then he made a signal to Ron, and both passed through the barrier, leaving Mrs. Weasley all alone.

“So, where are we going?” Harry asked, and Ron made a sound with his throat.

“First we have to put on the Prefects badge,” he said, in a mocking voice. “Then, we go to the Prefects compartment and wait to see if the Head Boy and Girl have anything to say to us.”

“Wait, what about Hermione?” Harry asked. “We could go together.”

”Ok, we’ll go and see where she is, and then we’ll go the Prefects’ Compartment. Along the way, I can look for Luna.”

”I can see that’s serious,” Harry said, entering the train.

“I can’t say anything yet,” Ron said, with his ears turning red. “I mean, we just start to go out at Diagon Alley.”

”Oh, but I’m sure everything is going to be fine,” Harry said, looking at every compartment. “I mean...Luna can be a little strange, but you can get along.”

“Thanks Harry,” Ron said, now with his face turning pink. “Where is that girl?”

“Which one?” Harry asked, with a smile.

“Hermione,”

“We’re looking for her, remember?” Harry asked, raising his eyebrow. “You’ve got it bad, mate.”

“Oh, go to hell Harry,” Ron said, as Harry start laughing. “And shut up!”

“Harry, Ron!” a voice exclaimed, and the two boys turned around to see Ginny. “I need you to tell me something.”

“What?” Harry asked.

“Come with me,” the red haired girl answered, before she turned around and started walking.

Ron shared a look with Harry, before starting to follow the girl.

“What is it, Ginny?” Ron asked, when he sister stopped in front of a compartment’s door.

“Come here,” the girl whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” Harry asked.

“Have a look,” Ginny said, pointing to the door’s window. “And tell me, who that girl in there is.” After approaching, the two boys looked through the door’s window and their mouths dropped. “Now, tell me. Is it just me, or is that girl Hermione?”

Inside the compartment was a girl, with brown hair with some bushiness, tight black trousers and a satin black chemise, with the first three buttons undone. The girl was fast asleep, but what gave away to Harry and Ron’s that it was their best friend was the ginger cat that appeared beside the girl, close to the window.

“Hermione,” Harry whispered, but when he was about to open the door a sharp pain in his head made him stop.

”Look for the Torch,” a voice said. “Look for those who already know of its existence, and seek for it. When you find the Torch, you’ll be able to destroy the evil forever.”

“Harry?” Ron’s voice called. “Everything ok?”

”Hmm?” Harry looked at his friend. “Yeah, everything is fine.”

”You sure?” Ginny asked and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, lets go.”

Opening the door, Harry stepped inside the compartment, followed by Ron and Ginny, before approaching the girl. Harry began to shake the small form lightly.

“Hermione?” Harry said, in a quiet voice. “Hermione, wake up.”

”Leave me alone,” the girl said, turning her head where Harry was.

”C’mon Hermione, wake up.”

”I said no!” Hermione answered, in a higher voice, but she was still asleep. “I said, no! Leave me alone!”

“Hermione, it’s me, Harry,” the black haired boy said. “Wake up.”

Slowly, Hermione stopped mumbling and opened her brown eyes. She blinked a few times, before turning her head and looked at the three friends.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“We’re on the train, Hermione,” Ron said, rolling his eyes. “What did you think? That we weren’t going to school this year?”

Hermione looked at him, before looking at Harry.

“Is it really you, Harry?” she asked and Harry nodded.

”The one and only.”

Slowly and startling Harry, Hermione touched his face with her hand.

“It is you,” she whispered and Ron shared a confused look with Ginny.

“You were expecting another Harry?” the black haired boy joked and Hermione shook her head.

”No, I wasn’t,” she whispered. “But...after everything they said...”

Without warning Hermione hugged Harry, startling him and the Weasley siblings.

”Hermione, I missed you too, but...”

“No, I thought you were...you were...,” Hermione said, and Harry was almost sure she was crying; which was very odd, since Hermione never cried. “You didn’t answer me, and I thought something had happened to you.”

”Hermione, what are you talking about?” Harry asked, putting his arms around the shaking girl. He shared a look with Ginny and Ron, who only shrugged, before looking at the girl in his arms. “You didn’t send me anything.”

”I called for you, and...,” Hermione stepped back, and looked down. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“For what?” Harry asked, confused.

“I’m very confused right now, and I can’t stop myself from doing things I really don’t want to. I’m too emotional.”

“Something wrong?” Ginny asked and Hermione shook her head.

”No, I just have been working to much this summer. I’m a little stressed.”

”Oh? I thought you went to see Krum,” Ron said and Hermione nodded, before looking at him.

”I went to his house, but I only stayed there for a week. Then I went to Portugal, to see a cousin and I started working there, before I returned home. I did all the homework yesterday, and I haven’t sleep in forty eight hours, so I’m still a bit shaky.”

“Geez, I would be a crack if I didn’t sleep for that long," Ginny said and Hermione looked at Harry, who had taken a seat beside her.

”Sorry, for what happened.”

”No problem,” Harry answered, with a smile.

Hermione yawned.

“Hmm...I think I’m going to sleep a bit more,” she mumbled. “Wake me, when we’re there, ok?” She leaned her head against Harry’s shoulder and began to drift off.

“Hermione...,” Ron said, but Hermione was already asleep. “What do we do now? We have to go to the Prefects’ Compartment!”

”Why don’t you go?” Harry asked, putting an arm around Hermione’s shoulders, so she wouldn’t fall if the train stopped. “Then, you come back here and tell me whatever they had to say.”

”Ok, I’ll be back,” Ron said, getting up, and leaving the compartment.

Ginny looked at Harry, before clearing her throat.

“Hmm...Harry, would you mind if I go?”

”Of course not,” the boy answered.

Smiling, Ginny got up.

“Thanks,” she said. “See ya, at Hogwarts.”

”Bye.”

When Ginny was gone, Harry looked at the girl beside him and smiled.

~*~

“The darkness of the night, the nightmares of my mind. I can’t release myself, I can’t reach hope. I want to be myself again, so I can feel your warmth. I want to reach life, so I can live with you...so I can be with you.

I know death and life had abandoned me, but I wish for light to come to me. I wish for the ice to be gone, so I can get out of this prison. I’m prisoner of my own body, and I can’t get out. I’m lost, never to be found. I’m alone, never to be with you.”

~*~

“I’m telling you, soccer is more interesting then Quidditch.”

”No, it’s not. What do you think, Ron?”

”What’s soccer?” the red haired boy asked, and both Seamus and Dean rolled their eyes.

“Ron, you know what soccer is,” Harry said and Ron looked at him, confused. “You know...football.”

”Ah!” Ron exclaimed, before looking at Dean and Seamus. “Quidditch is better.”

“No, it’s not!” Dean exclaimed.

“Yes, it is,” Seamus said back.

“Here we go, again,” Harry said, before looking at Hermione, who was staring into space. “Hermione, are you ok?” he asked and the girl blinked her eyes a few times before looking at him.

”Did you say something?” she asked.

“I asked if you were ok,” Harry repeated. “You seemed to be dreaming.”

”Yeah, I’m fine,” Hermione answered. “Just a bit sleepy.”

”Can’t say the train is the best place to sleep,” Harry said, with a smile.

Hermione was about to answer, when something caught her eye.

”You’re a Prefect?” she asked shocked and Harry blushed.

”Um...yeah. Dumbledore sent me a letter saying I’m was going to be the second Gryffindor Prefect, since someone had resigned the place. You don’t know who it is, do you?” he asked, while Hermione looked at the professor’s table.

”Hey, who’s the DADA teacher?” she asked, and Harry was sure she hadn’t heard him.

”Don’t know,” he said. “By the way, Lupin is ok.”

”Wasn’t he already?” Hermione asked, confused.

“Oh, you don’t know?” Harry asked, and Hermione shook her head. “Lupin got some kind of cold this summer, and some people thought he was really sick. But now he’s ok.”

“Good to hear that,” Hermione said. “Hey, wouldn’t it be great if Lupin was our DADA teacher?”

”Do you really think he’s coming, after everything that has happened?” Ron asked, joining the conversation.

“I’m just saying what I think,” Hermione said.

“I agree with Hermione,” Harry said. “I would be very happy if Professor Lupin came back.”

”I would too,” Ron agreed. “But I doubt he’ll come.”

”Do you want Umbridge?” Hermione asked.

“No!” Ron exclaimed. “Anyone but Umbridge!”

Hermione giggled.

”I should have seen that coming,” she said and Harry nodded.

“Mr. Potter!” a voice exclaimed and Harry, slowly turned around, to face Snape. “Professor Dumbledore asked for your presence in his office, after dinner.”

“Thank you, professor,” Harry answered, and Snape walked towards the professor’s table.

“What do you think Dumbledore wants with you?” Ron asked, eating a piece of cheese.

“You’re guess is as good as mine. Maybe it has to be with the fact I’m a Prefect,” Harry answered, and Hermione cleared her throat.

”Maybe,” she said. “Or maybe he wants to talk about last year.”

“What about last year?” Ron asked, and Hermione shrugged.

”You know...the events of last year,” she said, without looking at Harry.

“Who knows,” Harry said. “I’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.”

~*~

Harry whispered ‘Yrrebwarts’ and knocked on the door.

“Come in, Harry,” a voice said and, after taking a deep breath, Harry entered.

”You wanted to see me, professor?” he asked.

“Yes Harry,” Dumbledore answered, while sitting in his chair. “I want to speak with you about the Prefect badge.”

Harry nodded.

”You know professor, I think maybe it’s not a bad idea for me to be a Prefect,” he said. and Dumbledore looked at him, closely. “I mean, maybe this way I can stop thinking about...things.”

“Harry, it took me a great deal to decide if I should, or not, name you a Prefect. So, I decided to ask to the other professors and all of them agreed that I should give it a try. I thought really hard about this; it’s like I said to you last year, I just didn’t name you Prefect because I thought you had too many things to worry about.”

“Professor, I appreciate the fact you named me Prefect as I appreciate the fact of you worrying about me, but it’s like I said, I think this can help me, to think about other things. I believe that, this way, I’m going stop thinking about everything that happened last year and...”

”You believe you’re going to forget what happened with Sirius, if you keep your mind occupied?” Dumbledore interrupted. “I’m sorry Harry, but you’re wrong if you think that way. The mind can be occupied by day, but at night everything is possible. You’ll never stop thinking about what happened until you understand that, what happened, was supposed to happen that way, and none other. Sirius died Harry, it’s true and he’s a great loss for all of us, but especially you. He was like a father to you Harry, I know that and I could see you were like a son to him; but you have to admit, not in your mind but in your heart, that he’s gone. Only when you understand, and accept that, are you going to be free.”

Harry looked at the floor for a few seconds, before looking up.

“Can I go now, professor?”

”Yes, you can,” Dumbledore answered. “If you have any doubt, ask Mr. Weasley.”

“Thank you, goodnight.”

Harry looked one more time to Dumbledore, before getting out of the office.

When he was all alone, Dumbledore took a deep breath.

“Decisions are made, and events happen with time. I just hope everything will be ok, when this is over.”

~*~

“Sezirtacic.” Harry said, and the Fat Lady gave him access to the Gryffindor common room.

Strangly, eveything was deserted and no one was in there. Harry was about to climb the stairs, when he could hear a few voices. Turning around, Harry saw Hermione talking with Neville.

Hermione was shaking her head, while Neville seemed to be pressing some subject. All Harry could do, was wonder what they were talking about.

“Can any of you tell me, what you are doing here?” he asked, making his two friends to jump.

”Harry!” Hermione exclaimed, surprised. “What...what are you doing here?”

”I believe I should ask you the same question.”

“We where talking about Potions,” Hermione answered. “Neville was telling me to tutor him, but I was telling him I can’t.”

”Why?” Harry asked, surprised. “You’re good at it.”

”But I don’t think I can tutor him,” the girl answered.

“I was almost begging her to teach me, when you came in,” Neville said and Hermione looked at him.

”I really want to help you Neville, believe me, but I don’t know if I can. Not, when we’re talking about Potions.”

“Oh c’mon Hermione, help him,” Harry said, smiling. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, and who knows, maybe Neville will surprise us in classes.”

”Please Hermione, help me,” Neville pleaded. “I’m sick of seeing Snape taking Gryffindor points because of me.”

Hermione took a deep breath, and looked at the two boys before nodding.

”Ok, I’ll give it a try.”

Neville smiled.

”Thank you Hermione, thank you!” he exclaimed. “When do we begin?”

”Let’s wait for the time-tables, then we’ll see what we can do,” Hermione answered and Neville got up.

”I’m sure you’ll be a great help, Hermione. Thank you. Goodnight.”

“Night,” Harry and Hermione said at the same time.

Then, everything went silent.

"I'm sorry about what happened in the train," Hermione said, after a few seconds. "I know I made you uncomfortable."

“I said it was ok,” Harry answered. “No harm done.”

“You said it already, but I wanted to apologize once more,” the girl answered, after putting her hands on her knees.

“Er...what are you doing?” Harry asked, confused.

“Trying to relax,” Hermione answered. “Sometimes works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

“Can I try?” Hermione nodded. “What do I have to do?”

”Sit in indian style, close your eyes and clear your mind. Let you be taken by the magic,” Hermione answered, still without opening her eyes

“Ok.” Harry put himself in the same position as the girl, and closed his eyes.

Trying to clear his mind was difficult but, after some minutes Harry achieved it and start trying to let himself go with the magic; whatever that meant.

Suddenly, he saw himself in a dark division, where nothing was and nothing could be heard:

‘“Harry...Harry...” a voice said; the same voice that appeared in his mind before. “Look for the Torch. The Torch is the answer.”

“What Torch?” Harry asked. “Please, how can I look for something I don’t know?”

“Look around you, look inside you. You’ll know who’s preparing to help you, and to guide you to your destiny.”

“Who are they?” Harry asked, still trying to see something in the darkness. “And who are you?”

“Look in your heart Harry, look inside yourself. Let your ghosts go away, clear your mind and your heart, and you’ll be able to know what to do.”

“What do you mean by that?” Harry asked and then a green light appeared on the middle of the darkness.

“Look for the light of the Torch. Look for those who have seen it, and use it. Look for the one that keeps the Torch in safety, and look for those who can help you.”

“Why don’t you tell me who they are?” Harry asked, trying to see from where did the light come.

“Because you have to free the ghosts of your past, and try to accept all the past events. Only then, you’ll be able to find the one.”

“Harry?” other voice called. “Harry, wake up!”'

Harry opened his eyes slowly, and looked at Hermione.

”What happened?”

”I think you fell asleep,” the girl answered, with a small smile. “C’mon, let’s go to bed.”

“I had a strange dream.”

“Oh? Want to share it?” Hermione asked getting up, and Harry shook his head.

”No, I’m just tired.”

“Do as you wish,” the girl answered extending her hand, which Harry grabbed, and helped him getting up. “But don’t forget I’m here if you need to talk.”

”Thanks, Hermione,” Harry said, and Hermione squeezed his hand.

”Well, I’m going to bed. Goodnight,” approaching the boy, Hermione gave him a quick peck on the cheek, before letting go of his hand and climbing the stairs.

To Be Continued...

A/N: So, what do you think? Bad? Good? Please, review. Thank you.

3. Memories Of The Last Marauder And A River Of Tears (I)

Disclaimer: No, I don't own a thing.

Important note: In almost every review I recieved, came the same question: what's up with Hermione? Well, I'm not going to answer that for the answer would give most of the plot but I want to warn you that Hermione will seem a bit out of character for most of the story. I know I should have warned you in the beginning, but I forgot. Thanks for the attention.

And now, the chapter...

Chapter 2: Memories Of The Last Marauder And A River Of Tears (I)

“What about if we do it on Wednesdays?” Hermione asked and Neville tapped a finger to his chin

”Yeah, that may be good. But we still have Potions on Fridays,”

”We mustn’t use weekends, because we need to study on those two days,” Hermione said. “So we’ll do it on Wednesdays.

But if you have any kind of questions after Wednesday, you can come to me and I’ll try to answer them,”

“Ok, that’s a good idea,” the boy answered, at the same time Ron approached the two students.

”Already talking about school?” he asked, as he sat across Hermione.

“Of course,” the brown haired girl answered. “Some of us have to think about it; while others think about their other needs,”

Ron’s ears turned pink.

“I don’t know what you’re referring too,” he said.

“Maybe you don’t, but I’m sure a certain blond girl knows,” Hermione replied, smiling. “How have you two been?”

”Hermione, I’m not going to discuss my personal life with you,” he said and Hermione rolled her eyes.

”Ok, no need to get violent,” she said, before looking at Neville. “So that’s settled; I tutor you on Wednesdays,”

Neville nodded, while Ron raised his eyebrow.

”Hermione, we have Perfect meetings on Wednesdays,” he said. “How do you think you’ll be able to teach Neville and go to

the meetings? Don’t tell me you have another time-tuner,”

Hermione’s cheeks turned a little pink, but she shook her head.
”Of course not,” she said. “I don’t want to go crazy again, like in the third year,”

“What about the third year?” Harry asked, approaching.

“Look who's late!” Ron exclaimed.

“Where have you been?” Hermione asked, at the same time.

“Er...I was helping a first year,” Harry answered, as the same time that a voice in his head screamed: ‘liar’. He had been writing a letter to Sirius, even if he knew he wouldn’t send it.

Hermione seemed to be reading his mind, because when he sat, she put a hand over his.

“You’re not alone,” she said, with a small smile. “We’ll always be here for you, no matter what,”

Harry gave her a small smile.

”Thanks Hermione,”

”You’re welcome,” the girl replied, before starting to eat.

Harry looked at his two best friends, before looking at the Slytherin table at Malfoy. Maybe Malfoy was wrong, maybe he wasn’t alone.

~*~

“Who do you think will be our teacher?” Ron asked, while the three friends were walking towards the DADA classroom.

“How would I know?” Harry asked, shrugging.

“I would love if it was Lupin,” Hermione said.

“I doubt he’ll come,” Ron said “Speaking of which, have you thought that Lupin is the..,”

“Yes,” Hermione interrupted.

“He’s the last marauder, if we forget about Wormtail,” Harry said, and both his friends looked at him. “Don’t look surprised, and you can speak about it if you want,”

”But Harry...,” the brunnette started, but Harry interrupted her.

”It’s ok Hermione, really. Maybe, this way...I don’t know...maybe I can start trying to admit what I don’t want to,”

”It’s hard to say goodbye to those we love,” a voice staid behind the three students. “But when we do it, it’s the most relief we can feel,”

The three friends turned around to face none other than Remus Lupin.

”Professor!” the three exclaimed, before running to him.

“You’re ok,” Harry said.

“Of course I am. It’ll take much more than a summer cold to put me in bed,” Lupin said, with a smile. “And, by the way you reacted, I believe you’re happy to see me,”
”Very,” Hermione said, with a smile.

“Yeah, we were thinking Snape was going to teach us,” Ron added, and Lupin winced.

”Yeah, old Snape still scares the students,” he said and everyone laughed, except Harry.

”Are you sure that you’re ok?” he asked, looking to Lupin.

”Yes Harry, I’m fine. In every way,” the older man answered. “But I doubt I can say the same for you,”

Harry looked at his shoes before looking up.

“I’m getting better,” he replied. “With time, and with friends like mine, how can I be sad?”

”You’re human Harry, and you have feelings too,” Lupin stated. “It’s ok to cry when you want to, is ok to scream when you want. It’s ok to disappear when we can’t take any more of the pressure around us,” this time, both Harry and Hermione looked down, while Ron looked confused. “Now, I believe I have a class to teach,” the three students looked at him, and Lupin smiled. “Lets go, before everyone starts thinking there isn’t any professor to teach them,”

However when they were about to walk in, Lupin added,

“And Harry, I would like to speak with you at the end of the class; and you too, Hermione. Ron if you don’t mind, could you leave us alone during the break,”

”Of course I don’t mind,” Ron said, while Harry and Hermione shared a confused look.

“Well then, let’s go in!” Lupin exclaimed, and the four of them entered the classroom.

~*~

“I’m dying inside, going under my feelings and living as me but without myself. I want scream, to cry, to break down, but I can’t. I have to be strong, when I want to be weak. I want to save myself, when I want to drown. I want to be with you, when I want to be alone. I’m confused and I can’t break through the ice around me. The ice that doesn’t let me be me again...it doesn’t let me live as me and myself. I’m fighting a lost battle and, even though I don’t want to give up, I can’t find the strength to continue. I want a savior, but I want to be my own savior. I want to be on your arms, but I want to be alone. I want to be the light that’s inside me, but all I have is the darkness around me,”

~*~

Harry was pacing back and forth in front of the DADA classroom door; Hermione was talking with Lupin for ages, and it seemed their conversation wasn’t going to end soon.

However, when he was about to knock on the door, he felt a pain in his scar and he saw a green light under the door.

Getting nervous, Harry opened the door and saw Hermione and Lupin, close to the professor’s table, looking at him. Both had confused expressions etched upon their faces.

“Something wrong, Harry?” Lupin asked and Harry, after looking at both of them, shook his head.

”No, I just thought I saw something. I’m sorry, I’ll just go and..,”

”No, you can stay. I already talked with Hermione,” Lupin interrupted, before looking at the girl and nodding. Hermione looked at the professor for some seconds, before nodding as well and start walking towards the door.

”I’ll wait for you, Harry,” she said, before closing the door.

Harry trembled. Something in Hermione’s voice made a shock flow through his spine, but as quickly as it came, it was gone.

“Harry?” Lupin called, and the boy looked at him. “Please, come closer,”

Slowly, Harry did as he was told and walked towards the professor.

“What did you want to tell me, professor?” he asked, and Lupin took a deep breath.

”Harry, I know what you have been doing,” the professor said.

”If this is about the fact I hadn’t said anything..,”

”I’m talking about the letters you send Sirius every week,” Lupin interrupted gently, and Harry looked down. “I know all about them, though I haven’t read them,”

“How do you know about the letters?” Harry asked.

“Hedwig had only one place to go when you asked her to deliever the letters; Grimmauld Place. Normally, when she couldn’t find Sirius, she would stay waiting for him until someone would say Sirius wasn’t there. I was the one to say that to her and, in no time, she understood that Sirius would never receive your letters. That’s why she must have started to look confused every time you asked her to deliver the letters,”

“You’ve read the letters?” Harry asked, narrowing his eyes.

“No, I would never do that,” Lupin said, as he shook his head. “It’s none of my business what you wrote to Sirius, but one thing I’m worried about is the fact you’re not letting Sirius rest,”

”What do you mean?” Harry asked, annoyed. “I’m preoccupied with my godfather!”

”Harry, Sirius’ gone and that’s something you must accept. I had to accept it too, and I know what you are feeling,”

”No, you don’t!” Harry exclaimed. “You don’t know a thing about what I’m feeling. I lost my parents, many lives were lost because of Voldemort, and now I lost Sirius. I can’t take it anymore! I can’t take more promises that will never happen. I can’t take more words for granted, if I know I’ll always be alone. Sirius was the only one that made me dream when I was at the Dursleys, because I believed that, one day, he would show up and take me away from that place. But now he’s gone, and I don’t have anyone else!”

“That’s not true, Harry,” Lupin said. “You have friends,”

”I don’t care a damn about my friends right now, because none of them know what I’m feeling!” Harry exclaimed. “None of them lost their parents; none of them saw Cedric die in front of them, none of them saw their godfather die because of them!”

”And that’s a reason for you not to share your feelings with them?” Lupin asked. “You’re wrong Harry, very wrong. Friends are the best thing you can have on your life, and it’s with friends so loyal like Ron and Hermione, that you can share these difficult times. Believe me when I say that the only thing that’s stopping you from being honest with them is the fact that you can’t understand Sirius is gone. That your godfather is gone,”

”How can I let Sirius g if he was the one that made me believe I had a family?” Harry asked, getting angry. “He was the one who told me about my parents, what happened to them...I can’t let him go!”

”You can, you’re just scared of doing it,” Lupin corrected. “And you have a family. A family that loves you more than you’ll ever know. And, about Ron and Hermione, they would help you. They would help you pass through all this; they would help you try to understand the real meaning of the prophecy. You know they would,”

”But I don’t want to involve them!” Harry exclaimed. “I don’t want anymore deaths!”

“Harry, I have lost my parents, my friends and my best friend,” Lupin said, his voice still calm. “It’s hard, I know. I know it’s hard letting go so many promises, so many memories, but Sirius would want to see you happy, not locked in your world. Sirius would like for you to look up and say: ‘I know you’re with me, even if I can’t see you’. But you have one other thing that many don’t have; you have friends that are always with you, for the better and for the worse. Ron can be a child sometimes, but he will always be with you and Hermione? She would go to Hell and back, and she would go again for you, if it was needed. Don’t let go of them just because you’re scared of the future, or because you’re scared of letting your memories go. It’s natural to be scared,”

Harry looked at Lupin, biting his lip.

“You’re right,” he whispered. “And I promise I’ll do my best,”

Lupin gave him a small smile.

“I believe you will, and Harry? It’s ok to cry sometimes,”

Harry nodded.

“Thanks professor, bye,”
”Bye Harry and don’t forget, friends are the most precious treasure anyone can have,”

Harry nodded once again, before closing the door behind him.

When he was all alone, Lupin sank on his chair and some tears started to fall.

“Life can be unfair,” he whispered. “But friends are always there, for us,”

~*~

Harry closed the door and saw Hermione leaning against the wall, with her arms crossed in front of her chest, and with her eyes tearing.

”Hermione, are you ok?” he asked, concerned. Hermione shook her head. “What happened?” Harry pressed and Hermione took a deep breath.

”I’m sorry,” she whispered, still looking at the floor. “I’m sorry if I’m not a good friend, and I’m sorry if I haven’t given enough proof for you to trust me,”

”What are you talking about?” Harry asked as confused as he was concerned. “Were you listening, behind the door?”
Hermione shook her head, again.

“I heard you yelling,” she answered “And I’m sorry for not being a good friend,”

“Hey, I didn’t mean to say what I said,” Harry said but when he was about to hug her, Hermione step away and looked at him, with red eyes.

“But you said it, and you meant it,” she answered. “I...I know I didn’t send any letters this holidays, even though I said we were going to met sooner, but...I just couldn’t send anything,”

”Hermione, I didn’t mean to say that. I was just mad, because Lupin was making me talk about Sirius and I didn’t want to,” Harry replied, trying to ease his friend’s troubles. He felt really guilty at the moment for her hearing him say that. “I could never say I don’t want your friendship, because I do,”
”Then, why don’t you trust me?” Hermione asked, pressing her arms against her chest. “Why do you push me away when I want to help you?”

“Because I’m too scared of losing you, or Ron,”

Hermione closed her eyes and let her arms fall to her sides.

“I’m scared too,” she said. “But we can’t live in fear, or we won’t live at all. I know you’re scared of losing us, but I’m scared of losing you too, or Ron or anyone close to me,”

“I know,” Harry said, taking a step towards the girl. “And I’m sorry if I hurt you, in some way; I didn’t mean it,”

Hermione looked right into his eyes, before coming closer to him and giving him a hug.

Suddenly Harry felt like a jolt of peace, hope and love had entered him, and he put his arms around Hermione, literally crushing her to him. However, he was hugging her in the gentlest way he could.

“I know that, Harry, I know,” Hermione whispered, against his ear. “You’re a great friend; I just hope you’ll realize that soon,” she stepped back. “It’s better if we get going, we have History of Magic,”

Harry smiled, when he felt Hermione grabbing his hand.

Squeezing it, he said:

“Lets go. We’re Perfects, so we have to be an example,”
However, when they started walking, Harry failed to see the flash of sadness in Hermione’s eyes.

~*~

“See ya in Transfiguration,” Hermione said, waving.

“I bet you’re regretting not taking Divination,” Ron said but Hermione shook her head.

“I’m not going to answer that,” she replied. “See ya, later,” With a smile, the girl started walking down the hall before disappearing around the corner.

Ron shook his head.

”I’m positive, she’s regretting it,”

“I don’t know,” Harry started. “She really doesn’t like Divination, whatever is with Trelawney or Firenze. Besides, she said Arthimancy was one of her favorite subjects,”

”And what’s a subject that Hermione doesn’t like?” Ron asked looking at his friend as if saying ‘answer that’.

Harry shrugged.

“Ok, maybe she regrets it, but she always said Divination was a waste of time,”

“Either way, I know she regrets it,” Ron said, determined, but Harry only shrugged.

When they entered the classroom, they both saw that the division had been enchanted to look like the forest and that, the ceiling, showed a brilliant and clear sky.

All the tables and chairs had disappeared and, when everyone sat on the ground, Firenze appeared.

”The stars can see everything we want to know,” he stated. “But dreams can tell us, more. All we have to do is relax, and let us be guided by the magic,” Harry raised his eyebrow. Hermione had said the same thing to him in the common room “Lie on the ground, close your eyes and relax. Dreams will fulfill your mind, and you’ll see what your destiny has for you,”

Ron looked at Harry, while lying on the floor.

”I think I’m going to sleep,” he said.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Harry told him. “Firenze may notice, and he’ll take points,”

”Doubt it,” Ron replied, nonchalantly. “But you’re right; I’ll give it a try,”

Harry made a small smile, before looking at the sky and closing his eyes. He could hear Firenze talking, but his voice was disappearing as Harry fell asleep.

`”Harry...Harry..,” a voice started. “Please, do it...admit in your heart that he’s gone...admit with all of you that the promise from the past, can’t be achieved. Admit you’ll be scared; admit what you don’t want to admit,”

Harry put his hands over his ears.

“I’m not going to listen to you!” he exclaimed, closing his eyes. “I won’t!”

”Then you’ll have to say goodbye,”

Without understanding what the voice meant, Harry opened his eyes and jumped backwards, in surprise. In front of him was an eye; an enormous green-emerald eye that had some ‘clouds’ of black that were always moving.

It was like the green was the sky, and the black the clouds. The eye was beautiful, but Harry couldn’t help but ask himself what it was.

“What’s this?” he asked, but the eye only blinked.

“This is the eye of the Torch,” the voice answered but now, on contrary of the other times, the voice seemed oddly familiar. “And you’re the one who’ll give to it, the true color. Believe and free your heart, and the Torch will became the Torch of Hope; deny and close your heart, and the Torch will became the Torch of Darkness,”

“Do you...are you saying that...this eye...is depending on me?” Harry asked, confused and looking at the eye.

“No, but the person who cares for it is,”

”What do you mean?” Harry asked again and the eye disappeared.

However, when the eye faded, an image...a blur appeared. Harry couldn’t see it clearly, but he heard a scream. Not a normal scream, but a scream of pure agony and pain. The scream held so much suffering, that Harry put his hands over his ears and tried to block out the sound. However, it only seemed to get higher and higher so Harry had to hear it. When everything went into silence, Harry lowered his hands and looked around; all around him was darkness.

”What was that?” he asked.

“The voice of the one,” the voice answered. “Look for the one, and you’ll be able to achieve the Torch. Open your heart, and you’ll be able to see the truth,”

“Harry..,” a voice called, and Harry opened his eyes. “Are you all right?” Ron asked. He looked pale and scared. “You scared the hell out of me,”

“Why?” Harry asked confused; not seeing the scared look everyone was giving to him. Well, everyone except Firenze, who was looking at Harry suspiciously.

”You were screaming,” Ron answered. “And your scar...it was glowing,”

“My scar can’t glow, Ron,” Harry said, but Ron shook his head.

”It was glowing. It was all green and black,”

”Green and black?” Harry repeated and Ron nodded.

”Mr. Potter,” Firenze started and the young student looked at him. “What did you see?”

“Hum..,” Harry looked at Ron, and then at Firenze. “I...hum...I can’t remember,”

“Are you sure your dream has disappeared?” Firenze pressed. “Are you sure you’re not trying to hide your fears?”

”Potter doesn’t have fears,” Malfoy said, with a sneer. “He can’t have fears. After all, he is the famous Harry Potter,”

“Shut up, Malfoy!” Ron exclaimed, before looking at Harry. Harry was starting to pale and he was shaking a bit. “Are you sure you don’t want to go, and see Madam Pomfrey?”

Harry shook his head.

”I’m fine,” he answered. “Really,”

Harry was glad that the class was over so he didn’t have to answer any questions. He got up to leave the classroom, but when he was about to step away, Firenze touched his arm.
”Secrets can be held, but they can also be discovered,” he stated, looking directly into Harry’s eyes. “You are a very important person in the destiny, but other people also have to fulfill the prophecy. Look for them, seek for the truth and accept the past. You’ll see everything will work out well,”

“Hmm...thanks,” Harry answered, before backing away from Firenze.

“What did he mean by that?” Ron asked confused, but Harry only shrugged.

”Don’t have a clue,” he answered. 'But I will have one.' he thought, while he and Ron met Hermione and started walking towards Transfiguration.

~*~

“Two paths to choose: one belongs to the green; the other belongs to the black. One belongs to hope, the other belongs to darkness. One belongs to love, the other belongs to hate. I want to choose well, I want to feel exactly how I felt when I was in your arms: loved, cared... I want to choose the good path, but your choice is what will guide me. I need your choice, to know what to do. I need you to look in my eyes, and tell me what’s in your heart, because I can’t see it...I can’t feel it...I don’t know what’s inside your soul, anymore. Guide me, that’s what I beg for; guide me for the path of light, but also guide my heart, since I have to know what you want for me to fulfill it. I want to guide you, but now I need you to be guiding me. I know you need me, but now it’s me who needs you. Will you hear my screams and hear me, or will you pretend not to hear my pleas and let me choose the wrong path and die?”

To Be Continued...

A/N: So? What do you have to say? Will you review? Please?

4. Memories Of The Last Marauder And A River Of Tears (II)

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say, I don't own it? Oh, and the song is 'My Immortal' - Evanescence

Thanks to all my reviewers. Hope you all keep reading this.

And now, the chapter...

Chapter 2: Memories Of The Last Marauder And A River Of Tears (II)

Harry looked up from his Herbology homework and looked at his best friends.

Ron was in front of him, completely lost with Potions homework, while Hermione was sitting in front of the fire, doing her Arthimancy work.

He could still remember Lupin’s words and the way Hermione reacted after his conversation with the last marauder (as the trio called him).

Maybe Lupin was right, maybe it was time for him to release his mind but, something inside him, didn’t let go of Sirius’s memory.

Why? Maybe because Harry was too scared to do so; maybe because Harry felt like he was going to be all alone, if he let Sirius go...forever.

Harry shook his head, and got up.

”Where are you going?” Ron asked, looking up while Hermione continued to write on her parchment.

” have to go and see Lupin,” Harry answered, and Hermione looked at him.

”What are you going to do?” she asked, raising her eyebrow.

“I have to know some things,” Harry answered, approaching the portrait. “Don’t wait for me.” And with that, he left the common room.

Ron looked at Hermione:

”Sometimes I think he’s losing it,” he said and Hermione rolled her eyes.

”Let him be,” she answered, looking at her parchment again. “He has a lot on his mind right now.”

~*~

Harry stopped in front of the DADA classroom and knocked.

“Come in,” Lupin’s voice said and Harry opened the door.

“Professor Lupin, can I talk with you?” he asked and Lupin looked at him.

”Harry, what are you doing here?” he asked, rising from his chair. “Something wrong?”

Harry shook his head, while approaching the professor’s desk.

”No...I mean, yes...I mean, more and less,” the student started confused, and Lupin sat in his chair.

”Want to ask me, something?” he asked gently and Harry nodded. “Then, ask.”

Harry sat in the chair in front of the professor and took a deep breath, before looking up.

”I want to speak about Sirius,” he said and Lupin sat up in his chair. “I mean...I want to know more about him. We didn’t have a very close relationship towards that subject, since we barely talked personally.”

“I see,” Lupin mumbled, taping a finger on his chin. “What can I say about Sirius?Hmm...nothing.” Harry looked at him confused, at the same time Lupin got up from his chair and picked a bowl from one of the drawers and put it on the table. “I believe you know, what this is,” he said and Harry, after looking closely to what was inside the bowl and nodded.
”It’s a Pensieve,” he answered and Lupin nodded, before giving a small prod with his wand on the liquid. The liquid started to swirl very fast, and Lupin made a signal for Harry to approach. Then Lupin touched the liquid with his hand and looked at Harry, like saying for him to do the same.

Suddenly, Harry was spinning fast until everything stopped.

*“I believe this is the best way for you to have a small idea of who your godfather was,” Lupin said. “Come with me.”

Harry could see Lupin had led him to Hogsmeade, exactly to where the house he, Ron and Hermione had been when they found out Wormtail was an animagus...

The Shrieking Shack.

It was a cold night, even though the sky was clear and full of stars.

Lupin was leading him inside the house and towards the first floor. He couldn’t hear a thing or see more that what two feet in front of him, because there wasn’t a single light.

However, when he was about to open his mouth, he could hear voices. Lupin stopped in front of a door and looked at him.

”Lets see if you like this. This is one of my favorite memories.”

With a smile, Lupin went through the door, quickly followed by a curious Harry. He was going to see one of Lupin’s memories; it had to be a happy one, since Lupin said it was one of his favorites.

When he went through the door, Harry stopped in his tracks: his father, Lupin, Sirius and Peter were there, all sitting in chairs. His father was just the same he had seen in Snape’s memory: hazel eyes, nose slightly longer than Harry’s, his hair was stuck up but, this time, he looked very serious.

Sirius hadn’t changed at all: he still had his dark hair falling into his eyes, with the same elegance Harry had seen in Snape’s Pensieve but, just like James, he looked very serious.

Lupin sat, by himself, on a chair looking as pale and peaky as the same one Harry had seen last year. Wormtail was still smaller than the others and he was looking a little scared. The only difference between those students and the ones of Snape’s memory, was that those seemed to be younger; maybe thirteen or fourteen years old.

”No way,” Sirius mumbled. “This has to be some joke. How can this be? How can you be one? Merlin, this has to be some kind of a joke,”

”You can’t be serious,” James started looking at Lupin, who shook his head.
”I am,” he said, looking down.

“How..,” James started, but Sirius interrupted him.

”For how long?”

“Since I was a kid,” Lupin answered, without looking up.

“And how did you manage to hide this from us?” James asked, with a ‘I can’t understand this’ look.

“With help of the professors,” Lupin answered. “How did you think I could miss classes? Besides, Professor Dumbledore helped me a lot.”

“But, why didn’t you tell us?” Sirius asked. “I mean...maybe; in some way...we could have helped you.”

”I couldn’t,” Lupin started, looking at him. “I was scared.”
”Scared of us?” James asked, but Lupin shook his head.

”I had to think carefully, until I was certain this was the thing I wanted to do,” he started. “But I wasn’t scared of you. You’re my best friends and I know I can trust you, but...I had to accept everything...I had to think about every way you could react. After all, by telling you this, I’m awaking all my past and memories that I want to forget.”

Harry was confused, but he could see the look in the older Lupin: a look of gratitude.

“A werewolf,” Peter whispered for the first time and Harry opened his eyes wide; that was the memory of the first time Lupin had told his friend he was a werewolf.

“Look, if you don’t want to be my friends anymore, I accept that,” Lupin started, looking at Wormtail. “After all, I am a werewolf and I know you must be scared to death because of that. I’ll understand if you run out of here right now and never look at me again.”

”What the hell are you talking about?” Sirius asked, raising his eyebrow. “I’m your friend, and I’ll always be.”

“Yeah,” James agreed, nodding. “Friends until the end.”

”I mean, why should we be scared just because you’re a werewolf?” Sirius asked. “What counts, is who you are, not what you are. You should know that, or you don’t deserve to be the smartest kid in the school. Geez Remus, you should have known we will always be with you, for the better and for the worse. You must have had the most terrible life, and you still think we’re going to turn our backs on you? I thought you knew us better!”

Remus shook his head.

”This is different, I was scared of what could come from all this. I needed to know if you were really my best friends.” he took a deep breath. “I was scared. Everyone that knew my problems started to get away from me...I didn’t have friends since that night. I was scared of being alone.”

“I understand, but you could have told us,” James said, while Sirius leaned to his front and touched Remus’s arm.

”We’re your friends, forever,” he started. “I don’t care if you’re a werewolf or a mermaid; I will always be your friend...I will always be there for you.”

Lupin looked at him, as if he was ready to cry. “And don’t start being emotional, because I’m being serious. You can count on me...on us…” He looked at James and Peter. “…forever. We’re friends, for Merlin’s sake!”

Lupin smiled.

”Thanks guys. Maybe now, I can rest the ghosts of my past.”

“Of course they will rest,” James started. “And we will be here, at your side, to help you.”

“Besides,” Sirius continued, with a hand on his chin. “Maybe now I can tell you what I have been thinking.”

”What are you talking about?” James asked, raising his eyebrow. “You have been thinking about a plan, in case one of us is a werewolf?”

”Of course not, you git,” Sirius answered, before looking at Lupin. “You’re an example to me, ya know? You’ve proven you have courage and that you’re really brave, just like a true Gryffindor must be.” Lupin smiled and Harry saw a faint blush appear on the young student’s cheeks. “And that’s why, we’ll become animagus.”*

The older Lupin touched Harry’s arm, and the boy took his eyes off the four students.

”I believe that’s enough,” he said and everything started spinning fast, until Harry was in the DADA classroom again, with Lupin. “I hope you liked it,” Lupin continued, sitting on his chair.

“Wow..,” Harry whispered, sitting in a chair. “I never thought they...Sirius and my father...I mean...Sirius...he looked like another person.”

”Sirius was the first to accept what I was,” Lupin interrupted, softly.

“Your father was not far behind and Peter, with a bit of difficulty, started to be at ease around me. Sirius was the one who had the idea for them to become animagus, and everything was easier for me when the Full Moon appeared. Everything was easier to bear, because I knew that, even though I was a werewolf, I had my friends with me.”

”Sirius...he was so different,” Harry mumbled. “He looked so much wiser.”

”Sirius was always a bit wise,” Lupin started. “But, with age, he started to be funnier. But Sirius was...for lack of words, my best friend.” he looked at Harry, with his eyes shining. “That was the reason why I told you to speak with Hermione and Ron, because they will be with you. One can accept the things more easily than the other, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t your friends. Peter, for example, took more time to accept I was a werewolf, while Sirius took it like it was something normal. Your father only took minutes to accept the truth but, for him, the importance was the friendship.”

“But...that’s another reason why I can’t let Sirius go.”

”Sirius wants freedom, Harry,” Lupin stated, calmly. “He wants the freedom he didn’t have while he was alive. But you’re taking his freedom away, by not accepting that he’s not here and that he hasn’t accomplished his promise to you. But you must believe that, just like your parents, he’s always with you...he’s always looking for you, because you were more then his godson; you were his son.”

Harry closed his eyes, raised his head, and took a deep breath.

”I promise..,” he started slowly, unsure of what to say. “That I will...I will try to let Sirius go. I know he wants freedom, but I can’t make promises.”

”Trying to do something is better than doing nothing at all,” Lupin answered, while Harry looked at him again. “And I know you’ll do it, with your friends help. But do as I said, talk to them, say what’s in your heart to them...they will understand and you’ll feel like you have freed a caged soul.”

Harry nodded, and got up.

”Thank you, professor,” he said and Lupin gave him a small smile.
”You’re welcome, Harry.”

When the young student left the classroom, Lupin looked at the ceiling with his eyes tearing.

”You would be proud of him,” he mumbled. “You know that don’t you; James, Lily and Sirius?”

~*~

Harry whispered the password but, when the Fat Lady opened and he was about to enter, he saw the same green light he had seen in Lupin’s classroom, when Remus was talking with Hermione.

Opening his eyes wide and forgetting about the pain that he had felt, suddenly in his scar, Harry rushed inside the common room, but stopped when he saw Hermione. She was on the couch, sitting Indian style with her eyes closed. 'What is she doing here?' Harry asked, approaching.

”Hermione?” he whispered and the girl opened her eyes.
Harry blinked; for a second the girl’s brown eyes, seemed green.

”Harry?” she asked, sitting in a normal position. “What are you doing here?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you the same question?” Harry asked, sitting beside the girl.

“I...I was just...I just couldn’t..,” the girl mumbled and Harry raised his eyebrow.

”You weren’t waiting for me, were you?” he asked and a faint blush appeared on the girl’s cheeks:

”No,” she said. “I couldn’t sleep.”

”Oh,” Harry answered, a little unsure.

The two friends stayed in silence but, just like the time Harry had been alone with Hermione, he felt like something was wrong.

“What’s up with you?” Hermione asked, above a whisper and Harry swallowed hard. Could she know what was happening? Of course not, how could she?
”Nothing,” Harry answered and the girl looked at him.

Something inside Harry gave a jump, but Harry tried to ignore it.

Hermione eyes were so dark, so mysterious and so beautiful. He couldn’t take his eyes from hers.

”What’s stopping you?” she asked again, still looking in his eyes. “Something is making you leave us, and I don’t want that to happen.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry asked, breaking the eye-contact. “I’m not leaving you!”
”Yes, you are,” Hermione said. “You’re the only who can’t see that. You’re starting to live alone, and that’s something I can’t watch.”

”What are you talking about?” Harry asked, confused and annoyed. “I’m here aren’t I?”

“I don’t know; are you?” the girl asked, before shaking her head. “Your mind is, but your heart isn’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry said and Hermione touched his hand. Just like the time the girl had hugged him, Harry started feeling like he was in peace, that he was loved and that, deep inside him, was a light of hope.

”We must continue breathing,” Hermione started, looking at Harry’s eyes “Because we never know what the tide can bring us.”

”What?” Harry asked confused, and Hermione made a small smil:

”Robinson Crusoe,” she replied. “Those were his words when he understood he had to continue living, even when everything in his life seemed to have abandoned him.”

Harry looked at his knees, while squeezing the girl’s hand.

”What are you trying to say?” he asked in a whisper.
Hermione took a deep breath before putting her other hand under his chin, and making him look at her.

”That you mustn’t give up living. Life is the best gift anyone can have, and we must never throw it away. We should never give up hope, because we have to fight. Fight for us, and for those we love.”

Harry closed his eyes.

”I don’t want to fight anymore,” he confessed. “I’m sick of fighting for the others. I’m sick of seeing others die because of my fight. I just...I can’t continue.”

”Harry,” Hermione said in a determined voice and the boy opened his eyes. “Never give up hope, never. Even when we don’t have the strength to continue, we must think about those who were lost. What are you going to do about them? Forget them, just because they’re not with us anymore? No, you’ll fight for them to prove to everyone they died for a good cause...to prove their lives were lost because we’re trying to reach a better world. Don’t forget about them because, on the day you resolve to throw everything away, it will be like you’re saying ‘screw you, your life isn’t worth my sweat’. Fight for them when you feel like you’ve lost hope; fight for the ones you love, when you think you don’t have anything to live for.”

”You have been talking with Lupin, haven’t you?” Harry asked and Hermione rolled her eyes, while letting go of his chin and hand:

”Harry, this is serious,” she said, annoyed. “Please, don’t joke about this.”

”I’m sorry,” Harry said, looking down. “I’m just...I don’t know...trying to take this easy, I guess.”

”There’s only one way, to accept all this,” Hermione started, still without looking at him. “And it’s not the easy way.” She looked at Harry. “I know what the feeling of losing someone very close to you is like, someone that made you feel like you had a true family. I know the feeling of doom when we start thinking if we should, or not, accept reality, but we must. Accepting reality, is letting go our past...is letting go all the pain we’re feeling...is setting free, all the ghosts of our past. You should know that better then anyone.”

“See? That’s everyone’s problem!” Harry exclaimed so high, that made Hermione jump in surprise. “Why does everyone have to think I know everything better than the others? I’m a human being too, even if I wish not to be one sometimes!”

Hermione took a deep breath before looking at Harry.

”I never thought you should know more than the others; I never thought you were better than the others. I have always looked at you like a person that has feelings, that suffers as much as everyone, or even more...much more. But I also know you’re my best friend and that, despite everything, I know what you feel most of the times...I know what you’re feeling right now, at this moment.”

”I doubt it,” Harry murmured, without being able to contain himself.

“You’re afraid,” Hermione answered, looking right into Harry’s eyes. “You’re afraid of letting Sirius go, because you’re afraid you’ll be alone. But you will not. I will always be here for you, and I thought you knew that by now. But, maybe is my fault, maybe I haven’t been such a good friend.”

Hermione was about to stand up when Harry grabbed her wrist and made her sit on the couch again. He was ashamed for the way he had acted; Hermione was always there. She was always prepared to help him and Harry knew that. If there was someone he could count on, it was Hermione. Ron was his best friend, but Hermione was special. She was special in her own way, and Harry couldn’t help but say she had been one of the best things that had happened in his life.

”Stay,” he said in a whisper, and Hermione looked at the fire.

”Why?” she asked with her eyes tearing. “Why should I stay here when I know you’re not going to open up to me? I know I’m not Ron, I know I’m not your best friend, but I didn’t think that I was such a bad friend that you couldn’t trust me...I thought you knew that...you’re very...I mean...That yo..,”

Harry interrupted her, by hugging her.

”You’re my best friend,” he stated firmly but gently. “Never, ever, think otherwise. I...I just can’t talk right now..,”

”I’m not going to force you,” Hermione whispered, putting her hands on the boy’s back.

“I’m...I’m just scared,” Harry said as tears began to form in his eyes, but he held them at bay. “I’m scared of letting him go...I’m scared of being alone.”

Harry couldn’t stop now; he had started and now he would go to the end. He couldn’t stop the tears or his words, even if he tried.

“I’m scared that, when I let Sirius go, I’ll be all alone; alone to fight Voldemort...alone to understand the prophecy... I don’t want to do what they want me to, because I’m scared someone will die...because I’m scared you or Ron will die. I...I couldn’t bear it.”

“Harry..,” Hermione started, rocking her best friend. “Ron, me and everyone else, will always be here for you; no matter what you do to push us away. We’ll always find a way to be with you. And Sirius, you should know him better. I bet he's here, right now, thinking why are you're taking so long to release him. Sirius needs his freedom, Harry, and only you can give it to him.”

“Yep, you have been talking with Lupin,” Harry joked, still crying but he could tell Hermione was smiling.

”Maybe,” she answered. “But that’s for me to know, and for you never to find out.”

Harry smiled but didn’t stop his tears.

”I’m scared, Hermione,” he said and never, in his entire life, had he meant those words with so much truth. “I’m scared of loneliness; I’m scared of losing you and Ron. I’m scared of the future, as I’m scared of the past.”

”Harry, the first thing you have to do is release your fears. You must release your past...you must release Sirius. You know he’ll always be there for you, even if he isn’t here physically.” She stepped away, raised a hand, and touched Harry’s chest, just above his heart. “He will always be here,” she pressed her hand, to make Harry understand what she was meaning. “And no one, not even Voldemort, will be able to destroy the bond between you two.”

Harry gave a teary smile, but when he’s about to wipe his tears, Hermione’s hand got there first. When he felt the girl’s hand on his face, Harry closed his eyes. Peace and love flowed through the girl’s touch, just like a sense of hope.

“Cry, Harry,” Hermione continued in a soothing voice. “I’ll be here to catch your tears.”
Nodding, Harry hugged her again and some more tears started falling from his eyes.

”Thanks Hermione,” he said, with his voice trembling and Hermione nodded against him:

"I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all of my childish fears

and if you have to leave

i wish that you would just leave

because your presence still lingers here

and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal

this pain is just too real

there's just too much that time cannot erase”

Harry stopped crying and stepped away in an attempt to hear the girl better, but Hermione put a hand on his shoulder and made a signal for him to lie down. Harry looked unsure in the beginning but he lay on the couch, and put his head in the girl’s lap.

“when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears

when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears

and i've held your hand through all of these year

but you still have all of me”

Harry closed his eyes, when he felt Hermione’s hand on his forehead. Her hand was so warm and so soft, he couldn’t help but smile. Something Hermione did in return when he opened his eyes to look at her.

“you used to captivate me

by your resonating light

but now i'm bound by the life you left behind

your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal

this pain is just too real

there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears

when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears

and i've held your hand through all of these years

but you still have all of me”

Hermione’s fingers touched Harry’s scar, creating a tickling sensation, which caused Harry to smile wide.

“i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

and though you're still with me

i've been alone all along

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears

when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears

and i've held your hand through all of these years

but you still have all of me..,”

While Hermione’s voice was fading, Harry couldn’t take his eyes from the girl’s brown ones. There was something inside them that made Harry’s stomach turn upside-down, and that made his heart start beating faster.

However, there was something else in Hermione’s eyes that made Harry tremble. It was like she was torn between two feelings; he just couldn’t say what ones.

“What are you staring at?” Hermione asked, raising her eyebrow. “Do I sing that bad?”

Harry blinked and shook his head.

”No, you sing perfectly.” Hermione looked at him, still unsure and Harry smiled. “I think I‘ll be sleeping like a baby tonight.”

”Harry,” the girl started, putting a hand on the boy's forehead while grabbing the other. “I want you to know that, even if I did something that said the contrary, I’m always here to hear you and to help you, in everything I can.”

“I know,” Harry answered, getting up. “You’re the best friend someone could have.” Despite the seriousness of the subject, Harry couldn’t help but smile when he saw the blush on the girl’s cheeks. “No need to turn red,” he said and Hermione punched him in the shoulder.

“Stop it,” she said and Harry laughed. “Now, that’s a sound I like to hear,” she finished, with a smile.

“You’ve been the one that helped me,” he said but Hermione shook her head.

”You still have to help yourself, only then will I be able to help you.”

Harry got up, and offered Hermione his hand. She gladly took it and he helped her off the couch.

”Are you sure you haven’t been speaking with Lupin?”

Hermione giggled.

”I told you, that’s for me to know and for you never to find out.”

Harry shrugged.

”I quit,” he said, walking towards the stairs with Hermione at his side. “Thanks Hermione, for hearing me out.”

Hermione shook her head, and touched his shoulder.

”We’re friends, Harry; I’ll be always here to help you.”

Harry smiled and, surprising himself and Hermione, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek

"Thank you,” he whispered before disappearing inside the boys dormitory, leaving a red Hermione staring at his retreating form, blankly.

~*s~

“Green, I’m walking towards the green. But I can feel the darkness around me, and the black is trying to take control of me. I still can feel your doubt, just like I can feel your fears. I want to help you, but I don’t know how. Not when I’m still inside the valley of despair, not when I’m still trying to release myself.

Help me, that’s what I want to say, but I know you have to help yourself first before everything else.”

~*~

'Everything around him was a blur, he couldn’t understand what was around him; he could only see shadows and hear voices that, though they seemed familiar, he couldn’t put a finger on them.

”No, please!” a voice begged. “Let them go; it’s me who you want. Let them go!”

”Do you think I’m going to let them go just because you ask me to? You‘re a fool,” other voice started. “No, they’re going to stay and I’m going to have some fun with them. Crucio!”

Screams started to fill the air and Harry put his hands over his ears. They were different screams, some of pain and others of pleas.

Then, everything went silent.

“See what happens, when people show they’re weak?”
”Leave them!” a hoarse voice exclaimed.

“You’re a fool man, if you think I’m going to do what you’re saying,” the voice answered, who had done the cruciatus curse. “No, I’m going to have more fun.”
”Please..,” another voice started, sobbing. “Let them go...I’m the one you want...they can’t do anything...just let them go..!”

”Men can be so foolish,” another voice continued. “You don't need to beg for anything, since you know what’s going to happen, if you continue with this...drama!” Laughter filled the air, while Harry narrowed his eyes and tried to see who the people were that were around him. “But you can stop all this, if you come with us and do what I said.”

”Never,” the voice that, had been sobbing before, answered. “I’ll never give you the pleasure to play with Harry, by using me!” Harry felt his heart stop beating; would it be possible that the voice was talking about him?

“Ah yes, Harry Potter,” Harry had to remind himself to breathe. “He will see what happens with those who are close to him...one by one, everyone will disappear.”

”We can leave Harry physically, but he knows we’ll always be in his heart!”
Laughter started to be heard everywhere.

”Do you really think, he knows that? Potter is too stupid and has too much self-pity to understand what’s around him. And you, my dear, are going to be the one to show him, the real meaning of pain!”

”Never,” the voice answered. “You’re trying to confuse me because you know I can tell everyone that you have the Torch!”

“How do you know about the Torch?” the voice that had been laughing asked.

“You know you’ll have to kill me, because I can destroy you. But, you know if you do that, you’ll not be able to play with Harry,” the other voice continued, as if it had not heard the question. “You’ll have to choose, and playing with Harry seems to be much better than killing me right now. You want him to suffer, and that won’t happen if you killed me!”

”Unfortunately, you’re right!” A clap was heard and Harry put a hand over his face when a bright green light appeared around him. It was a light so bright but, at the same time, so warm that Harry couldn’t help but relax.“And, as you may know, I can’t touch the Torch directly. That would be my death. And that’s where you come in.”

“You want me to touch the Torch?”

“Yes, the pain is impossible to put in words, the nightmares that will come after the touch are impossible to bear, and the feeling of being torn in two, is unbreakable. So, that’s why you’re going to be the one to touch it.”

Everything went silent for a minute.

”All right,” the voice said. “I’ll do it. But you have to promise that you’ll release them.”“As you wish!”

Harry could see someone approaching the green light. He couldn’t see who it was, but he was sure he had seen a pair of brown eyes or a pair of dark green eyes; he wasn’t sure. Then, if possible, the light seemed brighter and a scream was heard. Harry could tell that the person was holding back, with all their might, not to scream.

Just then, Harry heard the sound of someone falling to the ground and someone started laughing.

”You’ll be mine this year Potter, just wait!”'

Harry sat on his bed, still with the laughter on his mind.

'What in the world was that?' he thought 'What in the world is going on?'

To Be Continued...

A/N: So, what do you think? Will you review and tell me? Please?