We get a sneak peek at Lily's thoughts that dreadful night.
From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/1747/
Silent Monologue
I was young... I was naive... I was everything I did not wish to be. The world showed me, forced me, to look upon some fallacies that I stupidly accepted. A verge of corruption, of utter despair -- and I still held on to ideal illusions. We were together, and that was all that mattered. Nothing could touch us -- get past -- as long as both you and I were together. Perhaps this particular point of view allowed me to be so vulnerable and unprepared for the harsh brunt of reality.
Yet still I hung on, with sheer determination. Sure the punches and pangs, undoubtedly bruised my skin. A few tears would trail down my cheeks. However you would then come to my side and wipe them, everything, away. You always did this and how I wish now that you never started in the first place. For maybe, maybe only then, would I not look at you as invincible. This advantage I thought at first, was both our weakness.
As it inevitably turned out tonight.
So the final day, the day we were unconsciously waiting for, had now come upon us, past dawn. You bravely told me such confident advice: “Don’t worry -- don’t look back -- I will handle this,” even if it was him. The definition and form of pure darkness itself, him.
Ultimately I followed your rhetorical command. I hung on to our babe, our reason of happiness. I did not see you die, I just heard your cry. And perhaps that was for the best. What would I have done while you held your last breath, and me physically watching?
Abandon hope?
That we would get through this and tackle down this very darkness as we have done thrice before? Maybe time had caught up with us. Perhaps luck pledged to move on. Though I still held on, and tried to be as brave as you were. I knew now that my past notions, the very same ideal illusions were just that -- illusions.
I then looked down at him, and clutched my precious babe closer to my breast, for the both of us.
What for though? For the final pledge of love? For that final good bye he will never remember past this night? Maybe.
Hopefully he will have a better time escaping these demons we have encountered, James. The same misconceptions of life both of us have come to know. I pray for him life, one in which he will meet that person that will be determined as his soul mate. I wish for such ridiculous things, those that only a mother can wish upon her son.
Now I see the end of the tunnel coming, as some might say. I wonder what will be my last image of life. Or what will be the last recollection.
Is my life flashing before my eyes? Is my silent monologue, my final will being heard? Out to the heavens above?
As the stark green light encompasses past my eyes?
Maybe.
A/N: I did this to pass time at Church and wrote the whole thing out in a envelope, you know the ones you put money in? I know, shame on me. This is my first L/J and I hope I didn’t muck it all up. Feedback on this would be nice, thanks.