My Story

My Story

I knew him since I first stepped foot onto the grounds of school. He was standing there with his friends. He looked stuck up and evil. Even then, though, I knew it was all a cover. I knew he was really deeper than money and appearance. The look in his eyes told me that he was feeling lonely and trapped.

In a trap

Trip I can't grip

Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip

Then I started to realize

I was living one big lie

He hated me. At least, that was what I assumed. He treated me unfairly and made me feel ashamed of my family name. He was cruel to my brothers and their friends. Hell, he was cruel to everyone.

Can't you just pretend to be nice?

Can you at least pretend to be nice?

If you could just pretend to be nice,

Well, everything in my life would be alright

I saw him one day during the summer before my fifth year. He was laughing and looked truthfully happy. I was shocked, of course. Then I realized he was with his mother. She was tickling him and making jokes. I figured that he must be really close to her.

I wonder how I ever made it through a day
How did I settle for a world in shades of grey?
When you go in circles, all the scenery looks the same
And you don't know why
When I looked into your eyes
The world stretched out in front of me
And I realized

In the first month of school, I signed up for a tutoring program. It was a program that let you get the advice you needed in a certain subject and make a new friend. I needed help in Potions and I needed it badly. There was nothing to lose so I signed up.

I don't care
Cause I'm still here
And I've got nothing to lose

During Muggle Studies class, they gave us a piece of paper that told us who our tutors, or "mates," would be. I was anxious and excited and nervous all at the same time. When I read whom my tutor was, my jaw dropped. I was horrified. I could not believe that they had actually paired me up with HIM!

I walked dreadfully to the Great Hall where I was to meet my new mate. Please, him? My mate? Right. And pigs could fly. I sat at the Gryffindor table and waited. And waited. And waited.

I wasn't surprised when I was left all to myself in the Great Hall. I was just about to leave when I saw a gleam of white blonde hair at the corner of my eye. I expected to see an angry smirk on his face, but when I turned to look at him, he had a nervous grin. I laughed to myself and greeted him.

but it's not my kinda scene oh yeah

footprints on the other side

remind me where i've been oh yeah

i'll watch from the other side

He told me that he would've been there to meet me sooner, but he was held up in Transfiguration. He had turned his book into a cow and he had to help Professor clean up the mess it made. He asked if I wanted to go with him to Hogsmeade and I, of course, gave in. I was hesitant but who could resist his puppy-dog eyes. He held out his arm and I took it. We walked to Hogsmeade trying to acquaint ourselves better.

There we sat, drinking our butterbeers, tittering, with people staring at us. I know it's unusual to see a Gryffindor with a Slytherin, but, honestly, do they really have to gawk?

I got to know him a lot more. I discovered I was right about him after all. He was lonely and he did feel trapped. He was, like I said, very close to his mum. When his father would yell and scold him for acting improperly, his mum was there to comfort him and cheer him up.

When you're all alone

And you need a light

Someone to guide you

Through the night

Just remember

That I am here

To hold you close and dry your tears

Just when you thought you were falling

You know I'll always be right there

I know it sounds cheesy and really fictional, but him and I became quick friends. I don't know why but we just clicked. Maybe because we both are misunderstood. He's not just a "rich prat with all the money and attention", and I wasn't just "little angel that was innocent and fragile." Either that or we both have unusual hair.

I asked him why he was so......nice all of a sudden. He said that he was tired of acting like his father. He realized his father was really an ass and decided to act more like his mum-his sweet, gentle mum. He hated being known as the devil with money. He chose to change his reputation and be himself, kind and thoughtful.

Mark me with ash until I'm clean again

Cause I'm so sick and tired

Of being sick and tired

I know I can love you, I know that I can

As we got closer and closer, people decided that "Hey, they're too close to be friends. They must be together." That is so untrue. Why can't two people of the opposite sex just be friends? That's it. Just friends.

Although........Alright, alright. You caught me. I have to admit. He is pretty gorgeous. I mean, come on, how can you not be attracted to a guy with a great body, beautiful eyes, and a smile that makes you want to melt? Plus, he opened up to me. He told me all his secrets and I vice versa-I even told him the one thing that would make me fall for a guy....if he sang to me a romantic song to me that would make me want to kiss him right then and there; extra points if he played the guitar. He was my ideal man. But..........

I didn't want to tell him this. I didn't want to ruin our friendship that was so precious to me, even if it was a short one. I just......I couldn't do it. My feelings weren't that major anyway. So, why get worked up over something that was almost nothing? Right? Wrong.

Over time, my feelings got stronger and stronger. Every time I saw him, my stomach went aflutter. My hands became clammy and I was tongue-tied.

I am ready for love,

all of the joy and the pain

and all the time that it takes

just to stay in your good grace

I couldn't look at him as my tutor anymore. He was my best friend, my confidant, my one and only crush. He was my diary, my therapist, my support. When I was down, he helped me up. When I wept, he wiped my tears away. When I laughed, he made me cry.

He did so many of these things for me; yet, I never did any of these things for him. I never comforted him. I never cheered him up. I never had to. He was like this rock that, I don't know, was never moved. Again, I was totally wrong.

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

It was a normal day. I woke up, got dressed, and walked down for breakfast. I anticipated that I would see him eating breakfast at the Slytherin table with that witch drooling all over him. But, he wasn't there. I shrugged it off and decided that he probably overslept or ate already. I sat next to my brother and grabbed a piece of toast.

I didn't want to wake him up on a Saturday so I went to take a stroll around the castle. After all, I had been there for so long, but I never really got to take it all in. As I walked, I heard someone sobbing. I concluded that it was probably a painting or something and I shouldn't worry about it.

I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again I wasn't really living
I never lived, I never lived before your love

I was walking, still, and I caught sight of a magnificent painting. It was so incredible. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. There was a sun setting behind a hill and two people having a picnic under a tree. They were just holding each other and they looked so......in love. I wished I had that. I wished I had someone to hold and to love. Then I saw him.

He was sitting on a staircase. His head was buried in his hands and, I swear, it looked like there was a river flowing in front of him. I said his name under my breath so that he would know I was there. He didn't acknowledge me, but I knew he felt my presence. I sat down next to him and put my head on his shoulder. He never said that anything was wrong, but I just sensed it. When he looked up, with those tears in his eyes, I could've dissolved into thin air. He looked like someone died; someone close to him. And, again, I could've melted when I realized what it was. His mum.

I'll always remember

It was late afternoon

It lasted forever

And ended too soon

You were all by yourself

Staring up at a dark gray sky

I was changed

He told me everything. His father had taken her with him to see "the Master." Only to find out, he was sentenced to death. The evil git didn't want any witnesses so he killed her too. Aurors trapped the "Dark Lord" but not on time. He was killed immediately, but they couldn't do anything for the two victims.

In places no one would find

All your feelings so deep inside

It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

I was devastated and so was he. I didn't know what to say and I don't think he wanted to say anything. I had never seen him cry before and I don't think it was something he was accustomed to. I held him. I finally held him, but not in the way I wanted. I will always remember that day.

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight

This was the perfect time to tell him; tell him everything. I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be with him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to love him. Not now. Not like this. Not while he's mourning. That would be selfish. What if he doesn't feel the same? I couldn't live with myself if I knew the answer to that. It was probably ....wait

....definitely no.

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away
You'd give anything, oh
To make them feel the same

A year past and he got over it. I did too, the whole me liking him thing. On the train to my sixth year, I sat in an empty compartment, looking out the window. He came in looking happy, but his eyes didn't look it. I didn't say anything and I moved on. He said he wanted to tell me something, but not there. He wanted to wait until my birthday to tell me. I was suspicious but I complied. What could he possibly want?

Girl when we started baby we were friends
But that's not how this fairy tale is gonna end
See I was thinking then it clicked one day
That no one else has ever made me feel this way
The next time I saw you girl I knew I had to try
To tell you everything that I was feeling deep inside
And listen good cause what I say is from my heart

Finally, October came and so did the first trip to Hogsmeade. I thought he would want to take me to there and talk to me, but, in reality, he wanted to stay in the castle. The younger students had things to do so the grounds were nearly empty. He met me in the entrance hall and told me to close my eyes. As I walked outside, through the humongous doors, he led me to a confined place.

When I was alone

You came around

When I was down

You pulled me through

And there's nothing that

I wouldn't do for you

When I opened my eyes, I saw a blanket laying on the ground and a basket next to it. He had remembered my birthday when nobody else had. He told me he was sorry that we had to stay at school instead of going to Hogsmeade, but his face lit up when I told him it was exactly what I wanted; alone time with my best friend. We ate and talked and laughed and had a wicked time.

This is the place where I sit

This is the part where I love you too much

This is as hard as it gets?

Cuz I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough

I'm here if you want me

I'm yours, you can hold me

I'm empty and achin'

and tumblin' and breakin'

I still felt the same way about him as I did the year before- maybe even stronger. To make matters worse, guess what he did? Guess what that awful prat did? HE SANG TO ME! He sang the most wonderful song to me that anyone could. He sang this song called "Everything" written by this band called "Lifehouse."

you won't let me fall

you still my heart

and you take my breath away

would you take me in

would you take me deeper now

'cause you're all i want

you are all i need

you are everything

everything

I don't know who the heck they are, but damn! That song made my heart ache. It made me want to tell him all that I was feeling. Then it hit me. What if, through this song, he was telling me something? That he wanted me like I wanted him? No....it couldn't be. Maybe he picked it because it's a cute song. Maybe.......

I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

I asked him about it. He looked away and started pulling at his clothes. I giggled and I could feel my cheeks turn red. He told me that he loved having me as a friend and that he would die if he lost me. I find that funny, but anyway........He said that lately, as in the past few months, he's been feeling fidgety around me. I told him that he didn't look it, but all he said was that looks could be deceiving.

I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it

He took my hand in his and looked in my eyes. I grew stiff. My heart started racing. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I just listened. I actually believed that he was going to tell me what I wanted to hear. He said that he's been hiding his true feelings. He didn't know whether he should tell me or not, but he decided that it was the right thing to do. He said...........

He said that he was gay. He said that he didn't tell anyone. He had known for months. He just didn't know how to break it to me. My eyes filled with tears and I just started to bawl. He was confused at my actions but I didn't know what to tell him. I'm proud of you for telling me? I'll support you through thick and thin? I love you like a brother? That wasn't true. I loved him like I've never loved anyone before. My heart leapt every time I saw him. I just cried silently to myself, leaving him dumbstruck and, maybe even, ashamed.

Of all the things I've believed in

I just want to get it over with

Tears form behind my eyes

But I do not cry

Counting the days that pass me by

I got up and walked away from him. I couldn't look at him anymore. It was just too much. He ran after me. He told me that he was sorry and that he didn't want it to be this way. I just stood silent. When he stopped talking, I walked away again. I just needed to be by myself. As soon as I walked through the door I heard shouting. When I switched back to the real world, I realized they were my friends and colleagues. They had remembered my birthday after all.

I couldn't help but smile when I saw them all laughing and hugging me. They told me it was his idea; my face dropped. I needed to get away. As much as I wanted to stay, the thought of seeing him again was just......hard to deal with. I ran through the crowd, pushing people out of my way. I ran as fast as I could to my room. I never made it that far. I tripped right as you turn to the see the portrait hole.

I lay there just crying my eyes out. I couldn't think. I didn't want to think. I just wanted to wither up and die. I felt someone say my name and I opened my eyes. It was he. He was smiling and was looking as hot as hell. I sat upright, but I didn't meet his eyes. I just played with my hair, looking down. Finally, breaking the silence, he spoke.

I know I should tell you how I feel

I wish everyone would disappear

Every time you call me, I'm too scared to be me

And I'm too shy to say

He said that it was all a joke. He wasn't really gay. He just thought that it would be a funny thing to do...at the time. I tried to fake a laugh but I couldn't. He tilted my chin up and kissed me. I pulled away immediately. How could he say those things and then just kiss me like that? After I was crying too?! I shouted those things to him. He was taken aback. He had never seen me this angry. I saw the sadness in his eyes and I just couldn't stay angry with him. And right at that moment I knew. I loved him. And I wanted to tell the whole world. I wanted to spend my whole life with him. I wanted to grow old with him and have a family.

A moment like this

Some people wait a lifetime

For a moment like this

Some people search forever

For that one special kiss

I can't believe it's happening to me

Some people wait a lifetime

For a moment like this

I went back to where he was standing and just kissed him. It was a soft, lovely kiss that I wished lasted forever. I told him everything. He smiled when I finished and just wrapped his arms around me. We stood there, just holding each other.........

Hi. My name is Ginny Malfoy. This is my story..........