Silence and Stillness

Natalie

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 04/03/2004
Last Updated: 08/03/2004
Status: completed

After returning to Hogwarts from the Department of Mysteries, Hermione lays in the hospital wing near death. As her best friend watches over her, he finally realizes how much she means to him, and what it would mean if he lost her. Can Harry coax her to come back to life...and him?

Chapters

1. untitled

2. Part II

1. untitled

Author’s Note: Takes place in the hours following the events in the Department of Mysteries in OotP. Major spoilers.

Part I

Through everything that had happened that day, sleep had refused to come to him. He found himself lying awake on his back, staring at a ceiling that had become far too familiar over the past 5 years. He had spent hours in a daze, looking around the room and being filled with more and more guilt by the second, for he was not alone. All his friends were here. They were here because of him. Here, in the hospital wing.

Surrounded by nothing but silence and stillness.

He rolled his head to the left for first time that whole night. Ron lay asleep in the next bed, numerous bandages visible all over him, covering the marks left by the brain. Cringing at the memory of the brain’s relentless attack earlier that evening, he looked away from Ron, and turned his head to the right, toward his other best friend, and his heart ached in guilt as a memory from a few hours ago recurred in his mind…

“How are they, Madame Pomfrey?”

“Miss Lovegood, Miss Weasley and Mr. Longbottom have all been treated and were escorted back to their dormitories about an hour ago, Headmaster. Mr. Weasley will be fine, but I decided to keep him here tonight for observation. Mr. Potter is also still here, just to be safe.”

“And Miss Granger?” the Headmaster had asked quietly, his eyes flicking towards her bed, then to Harry, then back to Madame Pomfrey standing before him. She leaned forward, and lowered her voice, wrongly thinking that Harry could not hear her.

“I’ve done all I can for now. If she wakes up by . . . maybe tomorrow, she’ll be okay. If she doesn’t wake up . . . don’t want to think about it, sir.”

The Headmaster only lowered his head as a brief sign of understanding, and flicked his eyes back toward Harry before turning to leave the wing. Madame Pomfrey made one last check of her patients before extinguishing the lights of the room and leaving the room.

Silence and stillness.

Her words had haunted Harry through the night and into the early hours of the morning. He had rolled onto his side as soon as Madame Pomfrey had left the room, and had been watching his best friend since then. For hours he had studied her and watched for any sign that she was awakening. And for hours, every second he waited had been filled with increasing fear for his friend’s life.

What if she doesn’t wake up? He wondered, a sick feeling overcoming him. She has to be okay, he told himself. She can’t die . . .

He sat up quietly, and climbed slowly out of his bed to avoid making it squeak. He was still a moment, standing in the darkness with only the sound of his breathing reaching his ears. After a moment he padded barefoot to her bedside and quietly sat on the edge of the mattress.

Silence and stillness.

If asked, it would have been impossible for him to describe what he saw before him. It was all at once the most beautiful and most painful sight he had seen. Hermione’s soft curls circled her face delicately, but in the dim moonlight of the room, it was undeniable how pale her skin was. He reached down and found her hand, and gently picked it up and held it between both of his own.

“Hermione,” he whispered, his breath catching in his throat. He cleared his throat as quietly as he could and then placed his elbows on the mattress, and leaned his head closer to hers.

“Hermione,” he started again. “Hermione I know you can hear me. I don’t know how I know, but I do,” he told her quietly, his surprise evident in his voice. “Listen Hermione, you have to wake up, okay? You need to wake up and be here with all of us again. We need you here . . . ” he trailed off, his nerves starting to get the best of him. “. . . I need you here. You can’t leave us, you’re a third of the trio. Where would we be without you?” his voice trailed off again, a look of mixed shock and understanding crossing his face. “Where would I be without you? And I don’t just mean I’d be failing potions . . . I’d be dead.”

He bit his lip as an event from earlier that evening flashed into his head. Hermione, turning to him to say something, her eyes boring into his and in the middle of all the chaos going on in the room, all he could focus on for that second was her eyes. And then he had seen something out of the corner of his eye, a purple flame spawned from the wand of a death eater, and had watched in horror as it flew through the air towards Hermione. He looked back at her and she was still looking at him, not noticing the flame heading straight for her. Before he could open his mouth, it had passed through her and vanished on the other side.

He would never forget how she had looked at him that second before she fell. Her eyes had found his as she sighed a small “Oh.”

Silence and stillness.

He had seen a hundred things in her eyes during that second before she fell. He could see that she had known what the flame was, had known what was about to happen to her. He could see regret, and he could see her scolding herself for being so careless. But through all of that, he saw something that shook him to the core. An apology.

“Don’t feel like you abandoned us back there. We made it out okay, Mione,” he said, surprised at how naturally a nickname he had never used before felt. It felt personal, like it was his secret with her, and if felt comfortable. “I’ve always wanted to call you that. I hope you don’t mind,” he squeezed her harder as he fought to not let his tears fall. “I know you wouldn’t mind. I hope that I can keep calling you that…but anyway, we’re all okay, Ron and Ginny and Neville and Luna and I, “ he paused. Sirius, he thought.

Silence and stillness.

“Sirius didn’t make it out. He fell-" Harry choked on the words as his vision was blurred with tears. “He fell behind that veil and just . . . disappeared. He was just gone,” he finished, becoming very quiet. He sat in silence a few moments before looking back to her face.

“And now you’re here because of me. Because I was stupid enough to get fooled into going there. I should have known. I know you did. You’ve always known everything,” he said quietly as he leaned closer to her, putting only inches between their faces.

“Hermione,” he whispered. “I don’t know if I can do this without you. Things are about to get so much worse for everyone. Everything’s going to change,” he paused, looking over her face frantically. “A lot has changed just since you fell.”

“I know I’ve never said anything before, but I want you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You know that, Mione? I wouldn’t be here without you. You’re so much more to me than just my best friend. You’ve always been there, been . . . everything. Right in front of me. And when you wake up, I want to change some things . . . I want to show you how much you mean to me,” he said, reaching up and stroking one of her curls that lay scattered across the sheets. He took a deep breath before looking at her, his face full of determination.

“Okay Hermione, you’re going to listen to me now. I’m the bossy one for a minute. You have to wake up. You don’t have a choice, okay? I’m not giving you any other choice. You have to come back to me, because I’m not sure if I want to go on if you aren’t ther-“

I love her . . . he thought, the revelation hitting him like a ton of bricks. He leaned closer to her ear, lowered his voice, and then he whispered something he had never spoken before.

“I love you.”

Silence and stillness.

He reached down again, taking her hand in his and squeezed it hard. “I’m not going to give up on you, so you can’t give up on me. I need you, and I’m not letting go of your hand until you squeeze mine back. So come on Mione, open your eyes,” he said, reaching up with his other hand to lightly touch her cheek. Her skin was wonderfully soft and chillingly cold, and its feel under his fingers gave him chills. “Please Mione. C’mon I know you can do it,” he said, watching her face intently.

Only silence and stillness.

The silence was broken as a choked sob left his lips and his face fell. He blinked furiously, trying to not cry.

“Please Mione, give me a sign,” he pleaded.

Silence and stillness.

A single tear surrendered and slid down his cheek. The rest quickly followed.

For the first time in his life, Harry began to cry. He lowered his head to Hermione’s shoulder, overcome by grief and despair as all of the loss and pain of the past 15 years bore down on him.

“Hermione,” he whispered between choked sobs as he slid his arms around her and sat up, holding her to him. “Please don’t leave me. I need you here,” he cried into her shoulder as he began rocking back and forth, clutching her tightly.

Silence and stillness. And then . . .

“Harry?”

2. Part II

Part II

And with that single sound, he ceased to breath. He loosened his arms around her and pulled his head back to look down at her, his heart swelling with hope. Her cinnamon eyes, bright and aware, were looking back at him.

“Hermione . . .” he sighed, bringing a hand up to brush her hair away from her face, not caring that more tears were cascading down his face. She looked at him, confusion crossing her face.

Why is he crying? She wondered. And smiling?

“Harry, I . . .” she stammered, and tentatively reached up to brush away a tear from his cheek. As her fingertip brushed his skin through the tears, her own tears began to fall as she suddenly understood

“I remember . . .” she says, breathing in sharply. He nodded and smiled at her as his vision is completely blurred by tears. “I’m okay . . .” she said, as if she were trying to make herself believe it as well. “I’m okay,” she whispered again as he pulled her close and they held each other tightly.

“I should go get Madame Pomfrey,” he said sometime later, pulling away from their embrace.

“Harry, wait!” she said, reaching out and putting her arms around his neck again.

“Yeah?” he asked, putting his arms around her.

“Thank you for being here . . . when I woke up.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, smiling at her before leaving her bed and venturing down the hall to find Madame Pomfrey. Once at her door he knocked quietly, and it was opened almost immediately by a very annoyed Madame Pomfrey.

“Yes, Potter?” she asked.

“I though you ought to know Hermione’s awake,” Harry told her, a huge grin across his face. Madame Pomfrey’s smirk melted away as she pulled her door open the whole way and motioned for Harry to follow her inside. She went to a shelf with a large assortment of potions and began plucking bottles off the shelves and handing them to Harry.

“Basic healing, damage reversal, revitalizing, dreamless sleep potion . . .” she listed off.

“You’re putting her back to sleep?” Harry asked, confused.

“Yes Potter. She has a lot of healing to do before she’s out of the woods. I can’t believe that bastard would cast such a spell on so young a girl. Even more of a shock that she’s alive.”

With that she turned and walked back to Hermione’s bedside with Harry at her heels. He placed all the potions on her beside table before resuming his spot on the edge of the mattress, next to Hermione.

Through the myriad of potions, he sat by her side, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. As he watched over her, a thought suddenly struck him.

She doesn’t remember a thing I said to her, he thought, feeling his heart sink. Nothing at all . . .

“Madame Pomfrey, before you give her that, can I have a minute with her?” he asked as she was starting to measure a dose of the sleeping potion.

“I suppose Potter, but only while I go get you a sleeping potion, you look horrible,” she said, putting the potion down on the table as she returned to her office. Harry turned to face Hermione, who was looking up at him questioningly.

She’s so beautiful . . .

“Hermione?”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking . . . while you were asleep . . .”

“Yes?”

“Do you think, or could you ever think . . . “ he trailed off, looking into her eyes. She raised her eyebrows slightly, urging him to go on.

“Would it be okay if I called you Mione?” he uttered quickly.

She hesitated before smiling. “Of course. I’d like that.”

He returned the smile while cursing himself. Damn my nerves . . .

“Potter!!” Madame Pomfrey’s head appeared from around the corner of her office, her voice making both of them jump in surprise. “Make her drink that and let her sleep!”

Harry picked up a small blue vial and held it up to the nurse, and she nodded and disappeared around the corner. He turned back to Hermione and waved it at her, a goofy smile spreading across his face. She laughed quietly with him and sat up, reaching out her hand and taking the vial.

“Reminds me of second year,” he said quietly.

“Yet another adventure with Harry that landed me in the hospital,” she replied. They looked at each other for a moment before grins spread over their faces and they both erupted into giggles.

“NOW Potter!” Madame Pomfrey’s voice came echoing down the hall.

“I guess you should take it and get some sleep,” he told Hermione, looking back down to the vial in her hand.

“Yeah, I guess,” she sighed, also looking down the potion. She swirled it around in the glass, her brow furrowed as if she were contemplating something.

“What are you thinking?” he whispered to her.

“Just something I dreamed while I was asleep,” she replied.

“What was it?”

She shook her head as a small smile spread across her face. “It was nothing. Just . . . wishful thinking, I guess,” she told him, her eyes suddenly sparkling with tears as she looked up at him.

And in that second he saw something in her eyes that was unmistakable.

She heard me . . .

Neither of them knew who made the first move. Neither knew if he had lowered his mouth to hers or if she had pulled him to her. All they knew in the moments that followed was silence and stillness and bliss and perfection and fear and love and a sense of finding something they had unknowingly been searching for all their lives.

Down the hall, Poppy poked her head out of her office and opened her mouth to insist that Hermione take the potion, before spotting them. She smiled, and returned to her office.

After a moment, they both pulled back from each other, their eyes flying open to study each other for reactions. They both smiled at each other before Harry pulled her close to him.

“Go ahead and go to sleep now and we’ll talk when you wake up,” he whispered quietly in her ear. “There’s so much I want to tell you “

She smiled at him at this. “Me too.”

“C’mon you two!!” They suddenly heard Poppy warn from down the hall.

“Alright!” Harry called back to her. Hermione nodded and lifted the vial to her lips and took the potion in one gulp. She leaned over to place the bottle back on the table when she was suddenly overcome by fatigue, and Harry reached out and caught her as she became unable to hold herself up.

“Harry?” she called out, suddenly unable to keep her eyes open.

“I’m right here,” he replied as he set her onto the pillows. “And I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“I love you Harry,” she sighed quietly as sleep overtook her. His heart swelled suddenly, and managed to whisper over the lump in his throat, “I love you too.”

He watched as her breathing became deep and regular, and he stood up from her bed and moved to his. As soon as he sat on the mattress, Poppy came out to his bed with two potions in her hands.

“Alright Potter, here’s a sleeping potion . . . I think I’ll be keeping all three of you here for a few days. I also brought you this,” she said, holding up a bottle that was only as big as her thumb.

“It’s a memory potion. It will help you forget what happened over the past day. Not completely forget, but just make things fuzzy, and easier to deal with. You should take it before you go to sleep becau-“

“No,” he interrupted sternly. His gaze moved from her and over to Hermione, sound asleep in the bed next to him. “Absolutely not.”

Poppy smiled before slipping the potion into her pocket and handing Harry the sleeping potion. He swallowed it quickly and returned to her the vial.

“Night Potter,” she said quickly before turning on her heel and returning to her office. Harry’s gaze fell on Hermione again, a soft smile on her peaceful face. He smiled slightly before collapsing against his pillows, looking at her as his eyes fell closed and he surrendered to sleep.

And then there was only silence and stillness.