And If Angels Really Did Give Mercy...

And If Angels Really Did Give Mercy…

Spend all your time waiting

for that second chance,

for a break that would make it okay.

There's always some reason

to feel not good enough,

and it's hard, at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,

Oh, beautiful release.

Memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty,

Oh, and weightless,

And maybe I'll find some peace tonight.

Life is unfair.

That's something I learned when I was four, and my dad wouldn't read another chapter of Charlotte's Web to me because it was an hour passed my bedtime. I was so angry with him, that I took a fit that I'm sure the people in France were able to hear. I learned that same lesson again when I was eight and my mother wouldn't let me wear any of her makeup to school. Life is unfair is a lesson I have learned many times, and I'm sure there are more to come. The thing that confuses me is, why does it surprise me every time I have to learn it again?

But, have you wondered if life was more then unfair? Life is supposed to be a gift from God, a gift that allows you to experience real things, like thoughts and feelings. However, life isn't like that all the time. Sometimes you can't feel anything, and it feels like life wasn't meant to be a gift. It's more like a trial, where if you make one wrong decision, everything goes wrong.

Life has been unfair to Harry.

Actually, I think life has been more then unfair to Harry. It's been downright cruel to him. First taking his parents away from him, and then the whole wizarding world expecting him to save the whole bloody earth, Voldemort, being the heir of Gryffindor, and having people shun him….

You can see my point.

I just don't understand why life wants to be so cruel to Harry. He's such a good person, thoughtful, and kind. He hasn't taken any of the horrible experiences that life has thrown his way to heart. They just seem to strengthen him, and cause him to become more determined that he will win this battle with the so-called gift of life.

Except for when he has those moments.

Those moments, which I like to, refer to as the nightmares. Nightmares that make him cry out loud in his sleep. Nightmares that are so violent, he really does feel physical pain. And when he wakes up….

Then the real stuff begins. He can't talk for several minutes, and the only thing you can comprehend is what ever he's dreamed was terrifying. Thus, he climbs out of his bed, and wanders to my bedroom. (Being Head Girl, I get my own) He knocks twice, and if I don't answer, he comes in on his own, and slides next to me in bed, and wakes me up.

He tells me what he's dreamt about, and asks if he can stay there for the night. When asks me, he almost reminds me of a five year old, asking his parents if he can sleep in their bed. This especially gets to me, because he never had parents to go to with his nightmares. He had to deal with them on his own. So, I of course make room for him, and he spends the night with me.

But tonight, the ritual was different. Very different. He wandered into my room, tears glistening in his eyes. I seemed to know what to do. I just opened my arms, and he walked into my embrace, and started to sob.

I don't know what he saw in his nightmare tonight, but I do know it must have been horrible for him to break down like this. Either that, or still wouldn't be whimpering in my arms now.

You know, in church, my priest talks about the angels of mercy. The angels who give mercy to those who are suffering or in need. My dictionary defines mercy as, “a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion”. I don't think Harry has ever received a `blessing that is an act of divine favor' in his whole life.

If angels really did give mercy, Harry would still have parents. He would have the life of a normal wizard, memories of his parents that come from deep within the depths of his mind, instead of having to rely on moving pictures. He wouldn't have to worry about the fact the Voldemort might kill him, and concentrate more on becoming a great man.

And if angels really did give mercy, Harry wouldn't have to be reminded that he is loved by Ron and me on an almost daily basis.

Who does God think he is anyway? Why can't he just give Harry a little compassion, and let him live without worry? Oh, wait, I forgot, Jesus didn't live a normal life without worry, either. Harry is supposed to be the savior of the world, so he can't live a normal life.

Wait a minute. Harry is suddenly silent. I glance down at him, and find that he's fallen fast asleep. I smile a small smile, and remove my arms from around him, so that I can go to sleep. As I start to lie down, a glitter of gold catches my eye, and I see the ring on my finger. The ring is a friendship ring Harry gave to me on our one month anniversary. It's a symbol of the fact the he loves me. I guess I'm one of the first people he has ever felt that for.

As I start to fall asleep, and am peaceful for the first time that night, a certain thought can't help but cross my mind.

What if angels really did give mercy?