Admitting Defeat

Kamali

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 25/03/2004
Last Updated: 25/03/2004
Status: completed

She's tired of being on the outside looking in. A Harry girlfriend story.

Chapters

1. untitled

1. untitled

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I do not own the Martina McBride song “Where Would You Be”.

Author's note: This is odd…very odd. Just so you know, the girl is not Cho or Ginny…just a random girl. Thanks and please review!

Where would you be

If you weren't here with me

where would you go

If you were single and free

who would you love

would it be me

Where would you be

I don't wanna hold you back

no, I don't wanna slow you down

I don't wanna make you feel

like you are tied up and bound

Cause that's not what love's about

If there's no chance we can work it out

tell me now

Oh tell me tell me now

***

On the outside looking in.

It's a feeling I've grown rather accustomed to.

It's like… a window. I can look through and gaze at what I can never be a part of. Sometimes…oh those special sometimes, I can open the window just a crack and stick a hand out and almost touch it…. but then, the window falls down and closes, giving me just enough time to pull my hand back in.

The feeling comes and grows from dating the Boy Who Lived.

I can walk with the trio, talk with the trio, but I'll never be a part of the trio.

I didn't really know what I was getting into when Harry first approached with that damned enchanted rose in Astronomy, and asked me out. I was shocked that he had even acknowledged my presence. But one date led to another…and soon we were going steady.

At first I didn't really notice how I was excluded. Then one day Ron made this joke, and Harry and Hermione started laughing hysterically, while I stood there like an idiot. I felt completely and utterly lost. I think it was then I realized that I could never really fit in with the legendary Dream Team.

I've sort of gotten used to it…but this feeling has been visiting me much more often.

Everytime he looks at her…

It never used to be this way. I was the center of his world, his life…somewhere along the way though, his arm would be around me, his voice talking to me… but his eyes were on her.

I tried to ignore it. Maybe he was tired of having to commit to one girl…?

Then how come when he has his nightmares, he spends the night in her bed? How come they can have an entire conversation without a word? Why I can't I be the one to comfort him when more bad news about You-Know-Who arrives?

I don't want to admit it…and I don't think they want to either.

They're both scared of that first step.

I love him…. loving him is something I have never doubted. But I can't allow my love for him to be used as his cage, his comfort.

Not when he loves her the way he does.

Should I take that first step, I wonder, sitting here watching him laugh with her. Should I force him to stop clinging to me like some lifeboat in the rain?

I glance up at him, laughing with Ron and Hermione. His emerald eyes are joyous and sparkle with love and adoration…

For her.

I admit defeat.

People don't know, but Ravenclaws live with expectations too. The biggest one is to never admit defeat.

No matter how wrong you may be, no matter how smart the other person is, a Ravenclaw must never, under any circumstances, admit defeat. A true example of Ravenclaw pride.

I have fought this feeling for far too long. On the outside looking in, is something I don't have to be forced to live with. I feel tired, almost sick of it.

And in the end, I always lose.

They will always have each other. He and her will get together in some way. Fate can make it happen.

Who am I to challenge Fate? It is an intangible thing, which cannot be touched or persued. It just is. An invisible enemy.

All I'm doing is slowing Fate down. If I can keep up this charade, we'll all end up even worse in the end.

After all when you love someone, you have to let them go.

Right?

Tears. Stupid tears. They know…. I know they do. I have to do it… I'm being selfish. I can't keep him all to myself. And it's going to hurt…but I have to do it.

Slowly, I step out of Fate's way and watch the train wreck.