Pub Night

Tawny Spitfyre

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 09/04/2004
Last Updated: 25/05/2004
Status: completed

When Harry and friends meet at the pub one night, the conversation gets a bit silly. Answer to the Pick-Up Line Challenge.

Chapters

1. Orpheus

2. Wishes

3. Veritaserum

4. Bits and Pieces

5. Head Girl

6. The Bet

7. Dirty Old Wizards

8. Extendable Ears

9. Proposals

10. The Dream

1. Orpheus

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

A Harry/Hermione Story – Rated PG-13 – Around 7600 Words

Answer to the “Pick-Up Line Challenge” posted on Portkey.org by VipyGirl831

(This is an expanded scene from my soon-to-be-released story, tentatively titled
“Birthday Surprises,” which ends with a Harry/Hermione relationship. This scene just
shows some of the actions leading up to their relationship while answering this challenge.)

Part One: Orpheus

It was a Friday night and the scene was not unusual, except for the fact that Hermione was present. On Friday nights Ron and Harry met at the pub, along with any random arrangement of their friends who were able to pop in for a few rounds. This particular Friday, Ginny and Seamus had met up with Ron long before Harry arrived; he made some excuse about having stopped to check on Hermione’s birthday present. Harry hadn’t been there long when Hermione unexpectedly showed up, claiming to need a break from her rigorous day of research.

The group of friends soon settled at a small, square table in a corner of the room; Ron sat between Seamus and Ginny, and Hermione between Ginny and Harry. Ron and Seamus had already been through a few pints, and Harry and Ginny had downed a couple of firewhisky shots with them. When Hermione arrived, she ordered herself a rather colourful drink that was topped with an orange wedge.

The conversation started where it typically did on a Friday night; Quidditch. Practice season had just begun and the teams were starting to shape up. Ron, still a die-hard Cannons fan, was certain they would win the cup this year. Harry was playing Seeker for Puddlemere and had found out long ago that it was best to ignore Ron’s boisterous talk about the Cannons’ unbeatable line-up. PU only came up in conversation when Ron relived old matches…usually the same select few that the Cannons had actually won.

Harry turned to Ginny and Hermione, hoping to join in on their conversation, but they were busy talking about the strides being made in Witches Equality, an issue that Hermione had taken up once she began work at the Ministry. As he didn’t have much to say on the issue, he managed to finish off his drink very quickly, and laugh a bit at Ron’s near-hooligan dedication to the orange and black.

When the waitress came by, the conversation shifted, and the group found themselves talking about music. This was always an interesting topic for the mixture of friends who had been raised in a variety of households; Ron and Ginny were raised completely in the Wizarding World, Harry and Hermione lived with Muggles until they went to Hogwarts, and Seamus was raised by a witch mother and Muggle father, so he knew both types of music fairly well. Hermione and Harry told stories about Muggle performers and famous Muggle songs, and Ginny and Ron did the same for Wizarding music. However, now that they all had a wireless, the music conversation typically revolved around Wizarding songs.

“Did you hear that new song by Orpheus?” Ginny asked as she leaned in to Hermione. Her eyes were lit up like a kid’s in Honeyduke’s.

“Orpheus?” Hermione asked. Her eyes darted around as she tried to recall the name. She shook her head. “I’m not sure, Gin. Which one is that?”

“Oh, Hermione! You have to know who Orpheus is…shoulder length dirty-blonde hair, deep blue eyes, always wears those tight dragon-hide trousers….” She sighed. “He’s gorgeous.”

“Umm, I can’t say that I’m familiar with him,” Hermione replied, smiling at Ginny’s apparent crush on yet another celebrity as she stirred her drink. “But then again,” she added, “I spend most of my life in the library, where they highly discourage the use of a wireless.” She grinned. “What song does he sing?”

Ginny shook her head, obviously in a daze. “I can’t believe you don’t know who Orpheus is. I have got to get you out more often.”

Ron snarled up his nose. “Orpheus? What kind of name is that? Sounds rather poncey to me.” Seamus laughed and Ginny glared at the two of them. Harry had been around the Weasleys enough to tell where this conversation was going, and decided it was an opportune time to take a long swig of his drink.

“Actually,” Hermione interceded, “Orpheus was a figure in Greek mythology. He was a great musician and poet. He could charm beasts and coax rocks and trees into movement with his enormous talent.” Ron and Seamus couldn’t help snickering at Hermione’s choice of words, but she continued. “When his wife, Eurydice, was killed, he went down to the underworld and performed for Hades, who then agreed to let her return to the world of the living. But he was not allowed to look back at her before they reached the surface. Well, being a man, he did it anyway, and she was lost to the underworld forever. He landed up wandering the earth sad and alone, and died by literally being torn to pieces by the Maenads, a group of wild women who followed Dionysus.”

Ron’s jaw had dropped and he stared blankly at Hermione; Seamus looked like he had just come face-to-face with a Crumple-Horned Snorkack; and Ginny looked completely fascinated by what she had just learned. Harry laughed at the group of them. Hermione just shrugged and sipped on her drink.

“Right,” said Ron, coming out of his stupor. “Anyway, I still think it’s a silly name for a bloke. Figures Ginny’d go all soft for someone like that…‘tight dragon-hide trousers,’” he said, shaking his head as he raised his glass to his lips.

“He happens to be a very talented singer,” she retorted snidely.

“What did you say his song was called?” Hermione asked again, trying to delicately prevent a sibling war. She had also been around Ron and Ginny plenty enough to know where this discussion was heading.

“Umm…I can’t remember the name of it, but it’s something like, ‘The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.’”

“Ohhh,” Ron said with exaggeration. “He’s such a great singer that you can’t remember the name of his song.” He rolled his eyes. “That sounds like a really bad pick-up line if you ask me.”

Harry and Seamus laughed, and Hermione tried to hold back a smile for Ginny’s sake.

“It does not!” Ginny scowled. “And I didn’t ask you. Anyway, even if it was, it would work better than any line you ever used.”

“Only if I was wearing dragon-hide trousers,” Ron said ostentatiously, but the thought must have amused him, as the corners of his lips were beginning to twitch.

“Dragon-hide trousers wouldn’t help you, even if you had the best pick-up line ever!”

Seamus laughed out loud, which caused Hermione and Harry to lose the restraint they had maintained on their laughter. Before long, all five friends were laughing…even Ron, who would normally have been a bit more defensive. But the three pints and two firewhisky shots he had consumed seemed to lower that reaction tonight.

“I don’t think there’s such a thing Ginny,” Hermione said. “I’ve never even heard a good pick-up line, so how can there be a ‘best’ one?” Ginny nodded in agreement.

“That’s not true!” Ron argued. “I know lots of good ones.”

“Oh, is that so, Romeo?” asked Hermione, who smiled and leaned forward on the table.

“Who’s Romeo?” Ron asked. Harry, Seamus and Hermione exchanged knowing smiles; wizards never studied Shakespeare, so naturally Ron wouldn’t be familiar with the Muggle playwright’s works.

“Nevermind. Anyway, if you know some good ones, let’s hear them.” The glint in her eye was the same one she always got when she knew she had done particularly well on an exam.

Ron suddenly realised that he had backed himself into a corner and cleared his throat uneasily. “Well, I…I can’t remember them all just now.” He took a large gulp of his drink, emptying the glass.

“That’s fine,” Hermione said as she waved a hand carelessly. “Just one or two will do. Just to prove your point, of course.” Ginny, Harry and Seamus looked at each other with raised eyebrows. What started as a sibling squabble was turning into one of the now infamous ‘Ron and Hermione Incidents’; this looked to be an interesting battle and the three didn’t want to be caught in the crossfire.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters and universe copyrights belong to JK Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic and Bloomsbury Publishers. This work is in no way earning money and is not meant to infringe on copyrights.

2. Wishes

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Two: Wishes

Ron plucked up a bit of courage and sat up straight in his chair with his chest puffed out. “Alright. I thought this one was rather good. You’d use this one when you walked up to a girl at the bar.” He cleared his throat again, and looked Hermione in the eyes. “Well, here I am,” he smiled. “What were your other two wishes?”

Harry and Ginny groaned. Seamus laughed and patted Ron on the back. Hermione just rolled her eyes.

“Well, for one…I wish you’d thought of a better line than that!”

“What?” Ron asked defensively. He looked at Ginny and Harry for support, but they were shaking their heads with pity. “What was wrong with that? I thought it was pretty good!”

“It was horrible! No girl would actually fall for that,” Hermione said reprovingly.

“They might!”

“Only if you had them under the Imperius! I hope you have a better one.” Hermione crossed her arms and shot a challenging look at him.

“Alright, fine. Maybe that wasn’t the best one,” he glowered. Ron thought for a moment, smiled slyly, and then looked down at his watch. He looked back at Hermione and said, “My magic watch tells me that you’re not wearing any knickers.”

Hermione half smiled but looked quite taken aback. “Yes, I am!” Harry and Ginny looked at each other with mutual curiosity. They weren’t sure where this was going but both listened with interest.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Ron said. He tapped the face of his watch and held his wrist up to his ear. “It must be an hour fast then.”

The whole table broke out in laughter as Hermione gasped. “Ronald Weasley! You’ve never actually used that have you??”

He shrugged and smiled. “May have.”

“The question is, ‘Did it work?’” Seamus added, nudging Ron with his elbow. Harry held his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his laughter. He didn’t want Hermione to think he was encouraging Ron.

Ron turned to Seamus, still smiling. He shrugged again and said, “May have.”

After that, Harry couldn’t hold it back anymore. The girls winced while the guys laughed hysterically. Ron smiled proudly. He motioned to the waitress, who came by and brought another round of drinks.

“That’s a good one, mate,” Seamus said, still laughing. “Here, I’ve got one.” He took a few deep breaths to kill his laughter and leaned across the table to Ginny. He put on his most charming smile and said, “I’ll bet you five sickles that I can kiss you without touching your lips.”

“Oh, really?” she said sarcastically. She looked at Hermione, who shrugged, and then looked back at Seamus. “Right then; go on.”

Seamus leaned over and lingered in front of Ginny’s face for a few moments. His eyes closed, but hers remained suspiciously open, and she stared at his lips, which were just an inch in front of hers. Then in an instant he puckered his lips and kissed her, square on the mouth. She looked a bit shocked, and he laughed as he sat back in his seat. He reached in his pocket and pulled out five sickles, then dropped them on the table in front of her.

“You win,” he grinned.

Harry and Hermione groaned. “That was a really bad one!” Ron was smiling though, and nodding his head as if to say, “I’ll have to remember that one.”

“That reminds me of another one,” Ron said. He reached in his pocket and pulled out some money, then set it on the table by Hermione. “Here’s three galleons,” he said as he counted it out. “Buy yourself a few drinks. I’ll be over there…” he pointed across the room. “Just come get me when you’re ready to go home with me.”

Harry and Seamus shared a smirk for a moment, and then burst into laughter.

“You should have given her six,” Ginny laughed. “Three galleons worth of drinks will not make you snoggable!” Ron snarled up his nose and playfully hit her on the arm.

Hermione laughed as well, but was shaking her head in disbelief. “That’s awful! I can’t believe any girls would fall for any of those,” she said as she handed the money back to Ron.

“Well, girls can use some that are just as bad. But the thing is, blokes almost always fall for them anyway!” Ginny grinned.

“Like what?” Hermione asked, seemingly appalled at the idea of a girl sinking to such low standards.

“Yeah, I’ve never had a girl use one on me,” Ron added.

“Well, that’s because they don’t have to,” Ginny said. “You just fall at their feet when they approach you.” Ron glared but Ginny just turned to Seamus.

“Observe,” she instructed the group. She leaned over the table and looked Seamus up and down, resting her chin on her hand. Then she smiled seductively. “Have you got your wand in your pocket, Seamus? Or are you just happy to see me?”

They all laughed. Seamus’ cheeks were turning a bit pink, but he quickly replied, “No, that’s definitely not my wand. You’d have known if it was…my wand’s only 11 inches long.”

Harry laughed so hard he almost tipped his seat over backwards. Ron had just taken a sip of his drink and had to cover his mouth to avoid spitting it across the table. Hermione and Ginny both looked completely shocked and expressed a mutual, “Ewwww!!” But they couldn’t help laughing as well.

Ron raised his hand to silence them. “Hang on, hang on…how about this?” The group quieted and listened closely. He looked at Hermione and made his best attempt at a sexy face. “I just learned a new engorgement charm…want to go back to my place and try it out?”

“Ohhh, that’s horrid!!” Ginny moaned. “Please tell me no one’s fallen for that one.”

“No, not yet…but I just thought it up,” Ron said with a wink. Hermione rolled her eyes again and Ginny looked at her brother with disgust. “Well,” he grumbled, “if you think mine are so bad, let’s hear some more of your successful ones then.”

“I don’t use them,” Ginny corrected him. “I just know some. But very well.” She turned to Harry and leaned in a little closer. “So,” she said, making eyes at Harry, “are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary tonight?”

Harry’s eyes grew large and he could feel himself turning slightly pink this time. Ginny didn’t have any problems getting dates, and that look in her eyes when she threw out these lines could melt almost any guy. She laughed, and he could see Hermione giggling quietly next to him.

“She got you with that one, mate,” Seamus laughed and put a hand on his shoulder.

Harry nodded and smiled slightly. “I’ll admit she’s a little intimidating for such a small person. But for some reason the thought of Ginny keeping a diary makes me a little on edge,” he said, looking at Ginny teasingly. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“How about you then, Harry?” Ron asked. “You get more attention from girls than the rest of us. You must have some good lines.”

“No…I don’t, actually,” Harry said. But Ron clearly didn’t believe him. “I don’t go looking for girls!” Harry said in his own defense.

“Ohhhh, of course not!” Ron replied sarcastically. “You don’t have to look for girls, do you, oh, famous Boy-Who-Lived?” He mocked bowing down to Harry, and Harry knew he was blushing this time.

“I didn’t say that at all. But you know I don’t go out with girls that often. Anyway, I’m not clever enough to pull off any of those lines.”

“Maybe…maybe not,” Ginny said, looking at him analytically. “Still, you must know some lines you could at least share.”

Harry thought a moment and took a swig of his drink. “Alright, this one’s pretty bad, but I didn’t make it up!” He looked at Hermione and Ginny. “You can’t get offended….”

3. Veritaserum

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Three: Veritaserum

“We won’t be offended…just say it already,” Ginny teased. Hermione smiled but looked a little apprehensive.

“Well,” Harry said. “I heard one of the guys say it at Quidditch practice one time. You walk up to the girl and say: ‘What are you doing later tonight?’ She’ll make some comment and then ask what you’re doing. So you say, ‘I was just going to go home and…polish my broomstick…unless you’d like to me to give you a ride instead.’” Once again the girls groaned and the guys laughed.

“I’m sorry!” he shrugged. “It’s the only one I could think of.”

“Well, coming from you, it would probably still work,” Ginny said, laughing. She quickly turned to Ron and Seamus. “But I wouldn’t try it if I were you two.” They didn’t say anything but seemed to silently agree with her.

“Ok, I’ve got another one,” Seamus said. “Hermione, have you got a quill in your bag?” She reached into her satchel and pulled out a quill, and then handed it to Seamus. He cleared his throat, and then handed the quill to Ginny.

“Here,” he said, “you can borrow my quill. Send an owl to your flatmate and let her know you won’t be coming home tonight.”

Ginny gasped as she raised her hand to her chest and pretended to be insulted, but she was smiling. Hermione just laughed.

“Presumptuous, isn’t he?” Hermione said. Ron and Harry chuckled, but more at the girls’ reactions than at the line.

“Alright, my turn,” Ron said. He looked at Hermione and licked his lips. “I’m part giant, you know…want to go back to my place and see which part?”

This one elicited yet another “Ewwww!” from the girls. Seamus was laughing so hard he could barely breathe, and Harry had to wipe a tear from his eye as he calmed down.

“C’mon, Harry,” Ron urged. “Go again.”

“You are determined to embarrass me as well as yourself tonight, aren’t you?” he laughed.

Ginny and Seamus egged him on as well, and Hermione gave him a look that seemed to be saying ‘I can’t believe you’re doing this…but you aren’t going to let him show you up, are you?’

“Alright then, let me think for a moment.”

“I’ve got another one,” Seamus said with a wicked grin. This time he targeted Hermione. “You know, those robes look really nice on you, but they’d look better on the floor by my bed.”

It was Hermione’s turn to gasp while Ginny giggled. “Seamus!” she scolded, laughing still. “You wouldn’t really use that one would you?”

“Nahh, wouldn’t have the nerve to…but I wish I did!” he laughed.

Harry laughed; the look on Hermione’s face was priceless. It was an old line, but she obviously hadn’t heard it before. Ron seemed to find her reaction equally amusing; before long he was holding a stitch in his side. Harry had to massage his aching cheeks.

“Ok,” Harry said. “I thought of another one.” He turned to Hermione. “You see that blonde over there?” He motioned to a tall woman near the bar.

“Yes,” she said, looking in the direction Harry pointed. “You mean the waitress?”

“Err, yeah…but just pretend you don’t know who she is,” Harry said in a hushed voice.

“Oh,” Hermione whispered back with a smile. “Sorry.”

“Ok, let’s try again,” he grinned. “You see that blonde over there?”

“Yes.”

“I think she put Veritaserum in my drink.”

“Oh, really?” Hermione asked, grinning mockingly.

“Yes…I think she expected it to work to her advantage, if you know what I mean.” He winked. “But I’m afraid I’ve just told her to bugger off,” he said as he picked up Hermione’s hand in both of his and entwined their fingers, “because I had to come over and talk to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

This time Ron and Seamus groaned, but Hermione and Ginny both grinned.

“That was pretty cheesy, mate,” Ron said as he smiled and shook his head. Seamus nodded in agreement, but his shoulders moved up and down as he laughed quietly.

“I thought it was sweet,” Ginny said with a smile. She shrugged as she stirred her drink. “Ok, it was a little cheesy, but still sweet.” She looked at Hermione and Harry, who were sitting hand in hand and laughing softly, and a mischievous little grin crept across her face.

Harry glanced at Hermione, who was still smiling at him, and he smiled back. He caught Ginny’s grin and suddenly realised he was still holding Hermione’s hand. She seemed to notice at just the same time, as they both looked at their intertwined fingers and pulled apart casually.

“I think I’m going to need another drink,” Harry said, partially because his glass was empty, and partially to calm the flock of doxies that were all at once fluttering in his stomach.

“I’m not saying I’d fall for it,” Ginny added a moment later, “but it wouldn’t be the worst I’d heard, that’s for sure.”

4. Bits and Pieces

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Four: Bits and Pieces

Harry waved over the waitress and ordered drinks for the group. The table was silent for a few moments. Seamus was still grinning, clearly reviewing a few of the lines in his head. Hermione and Ginny were both absentmindedly fidgeting with their drink glasses.

“So,” Ron said, finally breaking the silence. “Let’s play a game. See if you can figure out whose pick-up line this is….” He had an evil glint in his eye and a crooked little sneer. “I can bewitch your mind, ensnare your senses, and give you a night of unparalleled passion…if you’re not as big a dunderhead as I usually take home.”

“Oh, no!” Hermione said as she cringed. “You’re going to say that’s Snape…and that’s a horrible, horrible thought!”

“Eww, eww, eww!!” Ginny squealed. “I don’t want to think about that!” Harry seemed to agree as he put his hands over his eyes and shook his head, apparently to erase the mental image he’d just been given. Seamus looked absolutely disgusted; he even set his drink back on the table, as if he couldn’t stomach another sip.

“Well, I bet I’m not far off,” Ron said, laughing at their reactions. “I’m sure he tried to hit on women at some point in his life…however, I don’t think even the best line would get them to overlook that greasy head of his.”

“How about this one then?” Seamus chipped in. He snarled up his face and squinted one eye. “Young lady, I can see that a dark wizard is coming this way to chat you up. You’d best come with me…. Nice knickers, by the way.”

Seamus’ Moody impression elicited an uproar of laughter from the other four.

“That was brilliant!” laughed Ron.

“You don’t think he can really see through clothes with that eye, do you?” Hermione asked. She was smiling, but the look on her face clearly showed that she was truly wondering about this now.

“No, of course not…I don’t think,” Ginny answered and laughed. “Speaking of seeing…I’ve got one.” She held the back of her hand to her forehead dramatically and said in a misty voice, “The fates have informed me that you will be coming home with me tonight, where you will gaze into my orbs and I’ll make charts of Uranus.”

“You’ve been hanging around your brother too much, Gin,” laughed Harry. “Ron’s usually the one to make Uranus jokes.”

Hermione was holding her hands over her eyes. “That gave me really horrible mental pictures!”

“What part?” Ron asked her, snickering. “Charting Uranus…? Or Trelawney’s saggy orbs?”

“Urgh!” Seamus snarled. “That’s an even worse mental picture!! I could have gone all night without thinking about that.” He shuddered.

“Wait, wait,” Ron laughed. “Here’s Lockhart…well, the old Lockhart anyway.” He ran his hand through his hair and smiled his best Witch-Weekly’s-Most-Charming-Smile-Award smile. “If you’re just saying ‘no’ because you don’t want to remember this in the morning…I should let you know that I’m rather skilled with memory charms.”

They all groaned. They, of course, all knew about Lockhart’s accident when he tried to erase Harry’s and Ron’s memories, but Harry was the only other one who had actually heard Lockhart bragging about his memory charm skills. He thought Ron’s impression was spot-on and he laughed heartily.

“Come on, Harry,” Seamus said, nudging him. “You do one.”

“I don’t think I can do any professors,” Harry said, shaking his head. He thought for a moment. “No…but see if you can guess this one.”

Harry sat up straight in his seat, making himself as tall as possible. “Funny game, chess. Have you ever noticed that the bishop is a blatant phallic symbol?” he asked, holding up an imaginary chess piece. “Funny, because my pieces are soooo much larger than all of my friends’. But then again, I have very large hands…you do know what they say about men with large hands, don’t you?”

Ron laughed and nodded as he reached over and patted Harry on the shoulder. “Too right, Harry!” He smiled pompously. “That’s definitely me…and true, at that!”

Ginny shuddered. “Alright, that’s enough about my brother’s…umm…bits and pieces.”

“What about Harry, then?” Hermione asked with a grin.

“What?” Ginny asked, grinning wickedly. “You’d rather talk about Harry’s bits?”

“No, you cheeky girl!!” Hermione said quickly, slapping her lightly on the arm. “I mean Harry’s pick-up line.” She picked up her glass and took a long drink, trying to hide the blush that Ginny had caused.

“I can do that one,” Ron said. He reached over and grabbed Harry’s glasses and put them on, which was a funny sight by itself. Then he ruffled his hair to imitate the famous Potter ‘do. Ron shrunk down in his seat and said in a deep and charming voice, “You know, Wizarding society owes me quite a debt; after all, I did vanquish the Dark Lord…twice. The Minister and I have had talks about how I can possibly be thanked for all I did. I think if you came home with me tonight, you could pay off your part of that debt.”

Seamus apparently thought this was hysterical; he laughed so hard that he had to excuse himself to visit the loo. Ginny, Hermione and Harry were laughing, too, but Harry had to defend himself.

“Now, you know I would never say something like that!” he told Ron as he laughed.

“No, I know you wouldn’t…but I’d pay you 5 galleons to go over to the bar and try it on someone!” Ron laughed back.

“He wouldn’t dare!” Hermione piped in, looking sidelong at Harry before he could answer. “He’d look like a complete pompous git, and probably get himself slapped, or worse.”

“It’d still be worth 5 galleons to see.”

“You’d pay 5 galleons to see a girl slap me?” Harry asked, still laughing.

“Well, yes…but she may not slap you, you know. She might actually take you up on your offer!”

Ginny and Hermione were quick to disagree, and a dispute ensued. The girls were certain no witch would ever fall for that line, but Ron reminded them of the caliber of female Quidditch fans Harry had acquired. While they agreed that the female fans might take any opportunity to go home with “the famous Harry Potter,” they still thought that line would be a turn off.

Seamus returned to the table and interrupted the argument. “Right, I’ve thought of another one,” he said as he sat down. “This one’s for you.” He pointed at Ginny and winked. “Of course I’m a natural redhead,” he said in a high-pitched voice. “Just take me back to your place and I’ll prove it to you.”

“Oh, really, Seamus?” Ginny laughed. “Please don’t tell me you thought of that while you were in the loo!” He didn’t say anything, but just raised his eyebrows and smiled at her.

“I’m telling your girlfriend,” she said playfully. “And two can play that game!” She grinned at him evilly. “Here’s Seamus then: ‘Ya gat any Irish in ya?’” she said with a bad attempt at an Irish accent. “No…? Well, do ya want some?”

They all laughed and Seamus smiled proudly. “Hey, that’s a good one…I’ll have to remember that!”

“So…how about Hermione?” Ron said daringly, drawling out her name. They locked eyes and it was obvious that a challenge about to occur. Ginny and Harry looked at each other, both with anxious expressions, then back at Ron and Hermione.

5. Head Girl

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Five: Head Girl

“You think can do me?” Hermione asked with a hint of a dare.

“Of course…I know you as well as anyone here,” he said. “Maybe even better.”

He raised his eyebrows, and a momentary expression of surprise flashed across Hermione’s face, but she quickly smiled and said, “Go on, then.”

Ron batted his eyelashes a bit and stuck his finger to his cheek with mocked innocence. “You know,” he said in his best Hermione voice, “they didn’t make me the Head Girl for nothing.”

The table broke out in gales of laughter. Ginny cupped her hands to her mouth, but her squeals could still be heard. Harry’s jaw dropped and it took him a moment to actually laugh, but once he did it was the hardest he’d laughed all night, which was saying something. He tried really hard not to visualize what Ron had just insinuated.

Hermione didn’t appear offended; in fact she seemed clearly amused, but she didn’t make a sound. As soon as everyone quieted down, she looked Ron in the eye.

“No, no, no,” she said slowly, shaking her head. “You’ve got me all wrong. Mine would be a little more like this….” She turned to Harry and leaned a little closer. Instinctively he backed away, but he caught himself…it was only Hermione after all. Trying to play it off, he moved in closer to her with a confident expression. A wicked little smile crossed her face and a twinkle in her eye made Harry hold his breath for a moment. Then she gently reached down and put her hand on his knee.

“Don't be nervous,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. She slowly walked her fingers up toward his thigh. He glanced quickly down at her hand, and then back up to her eyes; he had completely lost that confident look. She continued, bringing her lips closer to his ear. “I've read all about this; I know exactly what I'm doing.”

The table fell completely silent for a moment. Then all at once, Seamus and Ron both let out a loud hoot of laughter and cheers. Seamus was bouncing up and down in his seat, hands over his mouth. Ron had his head on the table and was pounding his fists down on it, nearly knocking a few of the glasses to the floor. Ginny just couldn’t contain herself and actually slid off the chair onto the floor, where she sat with her face buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

Hermione’s and Harry’s eyes were still locked together for a few moments. He was pretty sure his heart had stopped and he had definitely forgotten to breathe ever since she touched his knee. He knew for a fact that his face was Weasley red that time, and it wasn’t until Hermione backed away and smiled a huge, triumphant smile that he was able to shake out of his daze. He grinned sheepishly and began to laugh with the others.

Now that Harry’s heart had started to beat again, it was going a bit faster than he would have liked. He blamed it on the alcohol. He also reasoned that the alcohol would explain how flushed his cheeks felt.

“I think it’s time to switch to butterbeer,” Harry said, pushing his glass away.

“Wow!” Ron said, cooling down from his laughter. “I wish you could have seen your face just then, mate. That was great! Hermione, I have a whole new respect for you!” He held up his glass to her.

She grinned and said, “Thanks, Ron.”

Ginny pulled herself up off the floor and back into her chair. Just when she had almost stopped laughing, she looked at Hermione and burst into another fit of giggles. “Oh, Harry…” she started, but she was giggling too much to finish her sentence.

Hermione turned to Harry and spoke quietly. “I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much. But you know I couldn’t let him win that one,” she reasoned.

“No, no,” he smiled, speaking quietly in return. “That was excellent! And quite convincing...I didn’t know you were such a good actress.” Hermione opened her mouth as if to say something, but stopped herself and just smiled back, almost shyly.

“Come on, Hermione,” Ginny said, getting up from the table.

“Where are we going?” she asked as Ginny grabbed her hand and pulled her up.

“To the ladies’ room.”

“Why can’t you just go by yourself?” Ron asked, clearly perplexed by the ‘girls go in groups’ phenomenon. “I’ll never understand…they go in groups and they take forever. What are they doing in there?”

Hermione looked back at the guys and shrugged. “We’ll be right back.”

6. The Bet

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Six: The Bet

“Wow,” Ron said as the girls walked away from the table. He was still laughing it off. “I can’t believe she just did that. You alright there, Harry? You look a little…bothered.” He shot a sly grin at Harry.

“I’m fine,” Harry replied, shrugging it off carelessly. His heart was slowly returning to a normal rhythm, and he truly hoped his face had lost its scarlet tinge. “She just caught me a little off guard,” he grinned. “Plus the drinking doesn’t help.”

“Well, I have never seen Hermione act like that. Who knew she could be so seductive?” Ron’s eyes widened and he smirked boyishly.

“You know Gryffindor girls…when they say ‘brave’ they aren’t just talking about on the battlefield.” Seamus winked and nudged Ron in the side, and they both laughed, trailing off into a conversation about the various forms of ‘bravery’ in Gryffindor girls.

Harry looked around to find the waitress and saw her busy on the other side of the room. “I’m just going to the bar. Want anything?” he asked Ron and Seamus. They shook their heads and continued talking.

Harry got up and headed over to the bar to order himself a butterbeer. The bartender was quite busy, so Harry waited patiently to place his order. He was thoughtlessly tapping his fingers on the bar when he heard someone say, “Hi.”

Unsure if the person was speaking to him or not, Harry glanced casually to his right and found himself eye-to-eye with an attractive young witch, with long, black hair and piercing blue eyes. She smiled at him, and he gave her a friendly smile.

“Bit crowded in here tonight, isn’t it?”

“A bit,” he agreed. He was trying to be sincerely nice, but he couldn’t help being a bit jaded by the past experiences he’d had with crazy obsessed fans.

She held out a hand, palm down, and said, “Victoria.”

“I’m Harry,” he said, shaking her hand lightly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure’s mine.”

Harry was slightly impressed. If Victoria knew who he was, she was playing it off well and not acting like a crazy Quidditch fan. Just then the bartender came up and took Harry’s order. Victoria ordered as well, then turned back to Harry, who pretended to be reading the labels on bottles behind the bar. In spite of his celebrity, he was always a little uneasy meeting new people.

“You here with friends, then?” she asked, moving a little closer to him.

“Yes,” he said, and nodded in the direction of their table. “My flatmate, my best friend and his sister, and a friend from school. A lot of our old schoolmates meet up here quite often.”

“No girlfriend?” she asked, sounding a little surprised.

He laughed a little nervously. “No…no girlfriend.”

“Well, well…my friends will be disappointed,” she said with a smile.

Naturally a little confused by this comment, he looked at her questioningly. “Why is that?”

“We saw you from across the room,” she said, pointing behind him to a table where a few other young witches sat, giggling. “They all thought the girl next to you was your girlfriend. I made a bet with them that she wasn’t. So, since I was right, they’ll be buying my drinks the rest of the evening.” Her smile suddenly seemed a little less chaste.

“Oh,” Harry said, not quite sure what to think about girls making bets on him. “That’s Hermione. She’s my flatmate.” Victoria looked a bit stunned by this news, clearly assuming that one of the guys would be his flatmate, but her smile only faltered for a moment. He paused briefly, then asked, “Why did they think she was my girlfriend?”

“Oh, you know…” she said, moving just a little closer to him. “…it’s just the sparkle a girl gets in her eye when she is attracted to someone.” Harry couldn’t help but notice at that moment how Victoria’s eyes were suddenly sparkling.

The bartender set their drinks down, and Harry was glad for the chance to break her gaze as he paid for his.

“Well, I suppose her eyes are always kind of sparkly…or at least when she’s in a good mood,” he said, unsure of how he should respond.

She smiled, but somehow it had lost its sincerity. “Right…. Well, my friends may not believe me about the bet, so I might need you to come over and prove it to them.” There was the sincere smile again.

“Umm…sure,” he said. He figured that she was hinting for him to follow her back to her table now, but he really didn’t want to. He couldn’t place his finger on it, but there was something about Victoria that he found slightly stand-offish. “You know where I am, then, if you need me,” he said, nodding in the direction of his table again. “Enjoy your free drinks. It was nice to meet you.” He smiled and took a sip of his drink.

She clearly hadn’t anticipated leaving the bar without him, and a look of surprise washed over her face. “Thanks,” she said. She smiled weakly and headed back to her table.

Glad that was over, Harry glanced around the room and caught the eyes of a few of his fellow patrons, who smiled or nodded congenially at him. When his eyes wandered in the direction of the loos, he saw Ginny and Hermione walking back toward their table. Ginny was talking animatedly to Hermione, who laughed and nodded at her in return. Harry smiled.

7. Dirty Old Wizards

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Seven: Dirty Old Wizards

Harry found it hard to believe that this month marked nine years since he first met Ron and Hermione. He could still see them clearly, just as they were on that first train ride to Hogwarts; Ron, the friendly, skinny, read-haired boy; Hermione, the big-haired, buck-toothed know-it-all.

Ron hadn’t changed much. Of course he was much taller now, towering over the lot of them, and he had almost grown into those large features of his, but he was essentially the same guy; still fun, and a good friend with a typical red-head’s temper. Hermione, on the other hand, had changed significantly. She still knew it all, but she wasn’t as keen to make sure everyone else knew that fact.

Harry had long ago figured out that her smart act was a cover-up for her insecurities about her looks. He didn’t know why though. Sure, she might not be a cover model for Wizarding-Sports Illustrated, but she was pretty. She had finally mastered a combination of Sleekeasy’s and time management that allowed her to control her hair and not waste hours doing it. Her smile was radiant, thanks in part to dentist-parents and in part to Malfoy’s hex during fourth year, and she had maintained her girlish figure. But mostly it was her eyes. Now that he thought about it, Victoria was right. Hermione’s eyes had a maturity and depth like no one else Harry knew, yet they still sparkled with mischief when she was in a playful mood. He could spend hours looking at her eyes.

Harry chuckled in spite of himself. “Some guy is going to be really lucky to get her someday,” he thought. “I just hope I can find a girl who can measure up to her. She’d be awfully bored hanging out with one of those Quidditch girls, if that’s who I landed up with.”

He was still watching as Ginny and Hermione passed a table full of older wizards, several of whom turned and stared as they walked by. He saw one of them distinctively point at Hermione, then lean over and make a comment to his friend. The friend made a face that only a man could, and only a man would recognize, and Harry felt a tinge of anger well-up inside him.

He quickly excused his way through the crowd to catch up to Ginny and Hermione, and reached them just as they got to the table. Glancing fiercely at the table of wizards, Harry pulled out chairs for both girls before seating himself.

Ron saw Harry’s expression and followed his eyes to the men across the room, who were laughing and patting each other on the back. “If looks could kill, Harry…” Ron said and whistled. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” he said, taking a swig of his drink. “Just a bunch of dirty old wizards.”

“Oh, really?” Ginny asked, looking back over her shoulder. “Think I should try out one of my lines on them?”

“No!” shouted Ron and Harry at the same time.

Ginny laughed. “Alright, fine!”

“Who was that girl at the bar?” Seamus asked Harry with a wicked twinkle in his eye. Harry groaned.

“A girl at the bar?” Hermione asked teasingly while poking Harry in the ribs. “Did you use one of your pick-up lines, then?”

“No. She just happened to come up next to me to order her drink, and she was being friendly.”

“She looked quite friendly from here,” Seamus added. “And quite pretty, too.”

Harry glared at Seamus while Hermione and Ginny sat up a little taller in their chairs, peeking over the heads near them to see if they could spot her.

“Where is she, Harry?” Ginny asked playfully. “You didn’t invite her to sit with us?”

“No.”

“So if you didn’t use a line on her, she must have used one on you,” Ron said, beaming at the thought. “What did she say?”

Harry rolled his eyes, not wanting to talk about Victoria anymore. “She said ‘Hi.’” Ginny and Ron’s faces dropped.

“‘Hi?’ That’s it?” Ron said with disappointment. Harry nodded. “Well, she had to have said something else.”

Harry groaned again, took a deep breath and blurted, “She said ‘Hi,’ and then she commented on how crowded it was in here, introduced herself, asked who I was here with and then she asked if I had a girlfriend, because she and her friends had seen me from across the room and thought maybe Hermione was my girlfriend, and when I said that she wasn’t, she said that she had won their bet and that her friends were going to be buying her drinks the rest of the night, and then just before she left she said she might need me to go tell her friends to prove it, so I told her she knew where to find me if they didn’t believe her.” He gasped; he had said all of that in one breath.

Once again the table fell silent. The astonished looks on his friends faces was almost enough payment for having to tell them everything he had just said. He actually hadn’t really wanted to, but he knew they would have harassed him all night if he didn’t.

Slowly, one by one, the grins came…and then the laughter. Uproarious laughter. By the time Harry had caught his breath, he actually felt better about getting that off his chest, and saw the humour in the whole situation. He started laughing with them.

“I’m going to have to remember that one,” Ginny managed to say between breaths. “My friends and I made a bet…. That’s fantastic!”

Hermione had put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, and was laughing so hard that she gave herself the hiccups. This, of course, made everyone laugh even harder. “The poor –hic!– girl,” she laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. “You com–hic!–pletely blew her –hic!– off.”

Ginny snorted. Ron and Seamus were trying to stop laughing, but it took a minute for everyone to get it all out. Finally their laughter calmed.

“Ok, so can we talk about something aside from pick-up lines now?” Harry asked.

They all nodded and he grinned. The sat quietly for a few moments, catching their breath and taking sips of their drinks.

Harry glanced at Hermione, and smiled when he saw that mischievous sparkle in her eyes. She looked up and locked eyes with him for a moment, then looked back down at her glass as a shy smile crept across her face and she bit her bottom lip. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that for a moment her cheeks flushed slightly.

Ron, who was not a big fan of sitting quietly in a pub, finally broke the silence once again. “So,” he asked with a smile, “what took you two so bloody long in the loo?”

Thanks:

Thanks to the following links I used as references. All of my pick-up lines were completely original, or altered versions of lines found online. Some that appear in both my story and on the sites were actually in my head first, I just discovered that I wasn’t the only one who thought of them. J

http://www.hplexicon.org/

http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/harrypotterchamberofsecrets/82.html

http://www.rictusempra.8m.com/pick.html

http://geocities.com/dracomione4ever/list3.htm

http://www.festfestfest.netfirms.com/festfestfest.htm

http://www.linesthataregood.com/

8. Extendable Ears

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Eight: Extendable Ears

“What took so bloody long,” Ginny answered, her hands flailing in the air, “was that the bloody queue went all the way out the bloody door!” Ron rolled his eyes, clearly not satisfied with this vague explanation.

“That and…well, we did have a little bit of girl talk.” She wiggled her eyebrows at Hermione with a sly grin.

Hermione gaped slightly at Ginny, her eyes widening with a you-said-you-wouldn’t-tell sort of expression.

“Girl talk…” Ron said, rubbing his chin and nodding his head with interest. “What about?”

“Are you daft? Unless you’ve become my older sister, Ronetta, in the past fifteen minutes, I think there’s a certain…part…that disqualifies you from participating in girl talk.”

“But that’s not fair!” he whined loudly.

“No? Well, we left you alone plenty long enough to have a…a boy chat,” Ginny replied, waving her hand dismissively. “And besides, we didn’t ask what you talked about while we were gone.”

“We’re not boys!” Ron protested brashly with his chest puffed out, looking at Harry and Seamus for reciprocation. “We’re men! And we don’t ‘chat!’” He folded his arms and huffed.

“Of course not.” Ginny rolled her eyes.

Harry and Seamus, however, couldn’t help laughing at Ron’s little tantrum. He was unmistakably at the “loud and obnoxious” stage of his drinking, which always came just after “silly and flirtatious” and right before “emotional and affectionate.” In just a little while, Ron would most likely be telling Ginny what a wonderful sister she was and thanking Harry for being such a great friend over the years with damp eyes.

Ron grumbled under his breath and leaned closer to Seamus, whispering loud enough for everyone within three meters to hear, “Bloody girls drive me nutters! I swear…one day I’ll sneak in there and hear what it is they talk about. Maybe I can borrow Harry’s….”

But before he could get the words out, Harry nearly leapt across the table (thanks to his seeker reflexes) and clasped his hand over Ron’s mouth, eyeing him warningly. He knew what Ron was about to say, and he’d really rather the whole Wizarding World not know about the particular item his father had left for him in Dumbledore’s care.

“Borrow Harry’s what?” Seamus asked. Although he had been Harry and Ron’s school roommate and friend for many years, there were plenty of things he didn’t know about, and this was one of them.

Harry - having spent a large part of his life covering up for things he wasn’t supposed to do, or say, or know - was thankful for his ability to quickly come up with an answer. “My Extendable Ear,” Harry answered quietly, giving the impression that it was a guarded secret.

Seamus looked confused. “Well, can’t you just get one from your brothers?” he asked Ron, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. In fact, Harry realized too late that it was the most sensible answer…however, having now started this fabrication, he knew it was too late to back out.

He sat back down in his seat and removed his hand from Ron’s face. He shot Ron a desperate plea with his eyes, silently asking him to back up his story.

“Right, but…well…Harry’s is different. He’s got a…a prototype model,” he said, making it up as he went along. “It’s special because it…well, it.…” He was stammering, obviously trying to come up with a reason, but falling short.

He looked at Harry intently, and then at Hermione, who smirked and spat out a sharp, “Honestly, Ron. You shouldn’t drink so much that you forget common things.”

She reached across the table and took his glass away, then looked at him sternly, faking the whole bit to help Ron out of the hole he was digging. But Ron seemed to have momentarily forgotten they were talking about and he winced, as if she was truly scolding him. Harry nearly laughed out loud at Ron’s reaction.

Hermione turned to Seamus and leaned in, whispering, “They made a prototype for Harry to try out back when the Death Eaters were all about. There’s a tiny pin you can attach to someone’s clothes, and then no matter where they are, as long as they’re wearing the clothes with the pin, you can hear what they’re saying by inserting the Ear Extension into your own ear. It was an espionage tool…and a lot less conspicuous than the original Extendables.”

“Cool,” Seamus said in awe. Ron looked shocked, and equally impressed, by Hermione’s quick and creative rescue. Hermione sat back in her seat, completely unmoved, as if the whole thing had been the truth.

Seamus turned to Ron and quickly shot off a firing line of questions about Fred’s and George’s other products and prototypes.

“That was brilliant,” Harry whispered, leaning close to Hermione. “Thanks for covering up for me,” he added. She smiled and nodded at him.

Ginny leaned in, too, and grinned at the two of them. “She wasn’t covering up for you. She was covering up for my git of a brother and his big mouth. You should tell Fred and George your idea, by the way. They could make millions off something like that.”

“Yeah, why didn’t you think of that years ago? The Order could have really used that against the Death Eaters,” Harry said, grinning.

The three laughed, and before long they had come up with more than a dozen crazy gadgets and tricks they could suggest to Fred and George. Among their favourite ideas were: Snitcheroos - little golden fairies that Harry could release during a Quidditch match to distract the opposing team’s seeker; AleMints – mint flavored, hops-injected candies that would quickly and quietly intoxicate the unsuspecting person who ate them; and Cupid’s Kissticks - a line of lipsticks that made the kissers fall madly in love…Ginny’s idea.

They were just trying to come up with a name for Hermione’s favorite - a glass that lets the liquid spill from the bottom as soon as the drinker’s lips touched the rim…which resulted in a large, wet spot on his or her crotch - when suddenly, and without warning, Harry felt himself being pulled to his feet by Seamus, who had somehow gotten himself up on top of the table and was motioning for everyone in the pub to gather ‘round. He just caught the look on Hermione’s face, which he knew all too well; it was the “Oh, dear…not again” face. Harry was quite certain that he knew what was coming too, and even more certain that Ron had invoked it.

“Ladies and gentlemen…” Seamus called, swaying a little, “and Ron.” He looked down at his red-haired friend, who raised his glass in the air and bellowed a hearty “Hurrah!”

“If you will join me…it is time for our traditional pub sing-a-long!” There was an uproar of cheers from the crowd.

“What’ll it be tonight, Seamus?” one man yelled.

“Tonight,” Seamus replied, one finger raised in the air, “I think we’ll start with The Curse of Queen Maeve.” The crowd obviously knew the song, as they cheered once again.

Hermione looked a little reluctant, biting her bottom lip with a furrowed brow, but in no time Harry had Ginny and her up out of their seats, arms wrapped around each others’ shoulders, swaying to the music and singing loudly. Together they belted out the harrowing tale of a poor Irish lad who learned magic from the legendary Queen Maeve, but got more than he bargained for when he tried to woo her with a love potion.

The second song of the night was It’s a Long Way to Hogwarts, one that always got them laughing. Since most everyone present had attended Hogwarts, and all had their own memories of the train ride to school, it was always a crowd favourite.

Ron requested the final song; his personal favourite - Three Drunken Witches.

After the rowdy round of singing, the crowd thinned and returned to their tables and perches, leaving the group of five friends to their own small table. Although Hermione had initially been reluctant to join in, she was smiling and laughing with the rest of them by the time they had finished the songs. Harry had heard her complain on several occasions that she couldn’t sing well, but he quite disagreed. She may not be the lead singer of DivaNation anytime soon, but she definitely sang much better than he did.

A/N: Thanks to Excalibur for the bottomless goblet idea!!

9. Proposals

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Nine: Proposals

When the waitress came around again later in the evening, Ginny and Hermione were deep in a conversation about an article they had read in the Prophet. Seamus and Ron had come full circle to talking Quidditch again, and despite being the only professional player at the table, Harry clearly did not have the “expertise” that Seamus and Ron had (or so they thought), so he was content with listening to them and their game-formation philosophy. Ron was still not quite out of the “loud and obnoxious” phase yet.

“Can I get you another drink, dear?” the waitress asked Harry.

“Umm…just a butterbeer, thanks.”

“And for your girlfriend?”

“Who, Hermione?” he said, smiling and nodding in her direction. The waitress nodded back at him with a knowing smile.

“You’re the second person tonight who’s thought that; but she’s not my girlfriend,” he said with a laugh. “You can bring her another one of these, though.” He reached over to point to her glass. “Bring one for each of them.”

His movement caught Ginny’s attention and she looked up to see what they were talking about. Hermione still carried on her conversation with Ginny, not realizing that she was now focused on Harry.

“Not your girlfriend? Really?” asked the waitress as she raised her eyebrows. “Well, I’d have never guessed that. But not to worry; it shouldn’t take her long to come around.” Then she winked at him and walked away.

When he looked back, Ginny was grinning at him tauntingly. Hermione, not having heard any of the conversation, looked perplexed as she glanced back and forth between Harry and Ginny.

“What?” she asked.

Harry, still looking at Ginny, said, “Nothing. I just ordered you another drink.”

But Ginny smiled slyly and said, “The waitress thought you were his girlfriend,” in a sing-song voice.

“Oh,” Hermione said indifferently and she laughed smugly. “Only his girlfriend tonight? Looks like we’ve moved down a notch.” She grinned at Harry and nudged him with her elbow. “Usually it’s at least fiancée. And last Christmas, Witch Weekly was determined to uncover that we’d secretly eloped in a Muggle ceremony when we visited my parents.”

“Isn’t that funny? People still think you’re a couple even though the reporters have stopped writing about you.”

“Well, that just proves that people tend to believe what they read – and everything they read – in the papers,” Harry said.

“Either that or they know something you don’t,” Ginny said. She grinned and raised her eyebrows.

Hermione laughed. “I think I’d know if Harry and I were having a torrid love affair. If everything they said was true…,” she said, shaking her head with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Ginny laughed. “Oh, you mean if Harry had really whisked you away, and carried you up the stairs and over the threshold on the night you first moved in to your flat?” she said dramatically.

“Well, he did,” Hermione said, grinning, “but I had dropped a box on my foot. Anyway, he carried me on his back, not in his arms.”

“They wrote about that in the paper??” Harry asked, quite taken aback.

“Or the time he proposed to you?”

“Which time?” Hermione laughed.

Harry’s mouth dropped open. “Which time?” he repeated, clearly having a hard time taking in this new information he’d never known about his own life.

Hermione continued, “There was time when we were on the Muggle cruise…which was actually just a short holiday with my parents...and the time after last year’s Quidditch finals…”

“When was that?” Harry asked, dumbfounded. “I suppose I should pay more attention to what they’re writing about me.”

“That was when I had lost my new ring…the one my uncle gave me…remember? I came out onto the pitch after you beat the Tornadoes, and somehow in the rush of the crowd it fell off my finger.”

“Oh, right,” he said, remembering the incident. “And I flew around until I spotted it on the ground. So when I gave it back to you, they thought I was proposing?” He laughed.

Hermione nodded. “Honestly, if we were in love and our relationship was anything like what they’ve written about us…I daresay we’d be the happiest couple in the world.”

“Cheers to that!” said Ginny, raising her glass. Harry and Hermione laughed and raised theirs as well. “I actually think you’d make a lot of people happy if you fell in love…and you’d make a lot of people rich,” she said with a grin. When they looked at her quizzically, she shrugged and added, “Well, there’s no telling how many bets there are on the two of you.”

Harry laughed. “Oh, you think so?”

Ginny nodded sincerely and said, “I know so.”

Apparently having thought she was only joking, Hermione and Harry both gawked at her truthful response.

“You’re serious?” Harry asked. She nodded again. “But why would people bet on us? On that?”

Ginny shrugged, but her eyes hinted that she knew more than she was telling. “I suppose,” she said, feigning ignorance, “that it could be for the same reason that two people tonight have assumed you were already a couple.”

“But we’re just best friends,” he protested. He looked at Hermione, who shrugged back at him.

“Some people just can’t believe that a girl and a guy can be friends without it becoming more,” Hermione said. “And some will try anything to get them together if they really think the two should be together.”

His face grew stern. “Well, I never…. If I ever find out who’s on which side of that bet…” he began. His eyes narrowed with a calculating expression.

“I know Malfoy’s on the opposing side,” Ginny proffered innocently, looking at her fingernails. “He’s betting you’ll end up with a dingbat Quidditch groupie and Hermione will be an old maid.”

Hermione gasped at the insult. “That little ferret…” she growled.

Harry showed similar annoyance at the news. “You know, it would almost be worth it to get married and intentionally sway that bet just so he’d lose.”

He stared down at his glass for a moment, smirking and thinking of Draco Malfoy, broke and penniless, before noticing that the girls had become very quiet. He looked up and saw Ginny shaking her head with a you-didn’t-really-just-say-that expression, and then looked at Hermione, whose half-smile plainly said, “That hurt, but I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it,” and he realized how bad that had sounded.

“N-Not that I…. I mean, it’s not that I wouldn’t want to…. I do love you, Hermione…you know that…but…” he stammered, trying to correct himself, “but you know…I didn’t think that you would…I mean….” He sighed. “That didn’t come out right at all, did it?” he asked, wincing.

Hermione smiled. “It’s ok, Harry, I know what you meant.” Harry smiled back weakly, feeling a tinge of guilt jumping around in his stomach.

Then she sighed and shrugged. “I understand that I’m not exactly the kind of woman that Quidditch players have for girlfriends, most less wives.”

Harry’s heart sank, fearing that he had given her the impression that he thought she wasn’t good enough to date or marry a Quidditch player. “Hermione, I…. That’s not true,” he said, hoping to smooth this over. “I mean, you’re not like most of the girls the team dates, but that’s not a….”

“Besides,” she interrupted; “Who’s to say I’d marry you?” She snarled her nose and stuck her tongue out at him.

Harry laughed with relief, glad that he hadn’t hurt her feelings too badly. “Well,” he said, “I imagine after knowing me so well, especially including all my bad habits…and considering what a complete arse I just made of myself…it would probably take a lifetime to get you to fall in love with me, anyway.”

Hermione opened her mouth, and then quickly shut it. She grinned a little, pretending to ponder the situation carefully. “Hmm…well, we could try out Ginny’s Kisstick,” she said with a giggle, and Ginny shot her a wide-eyed smile. Hermione blushed slightly and quickly added, “Oh, well, you know, I mean we could test it for Fred & George…if…if we were both desperately single and alone in…four or five years.” She shrugged and raised her straw to her lips, as if to occupy her mouth, even though her glass was practically empty.

“Yeah…well, don’t make a promise you won’t keep, now,” Harry grinned. “With our combined success at dating, we may just have to resort to that option. I certainly don’t want to end up with a Veronica, or whatever her name was…and there don’t seem to be any bright prospects for either of us at the moment.” Hermione laughed with unspoken agreement.

“I know it would be terribly hard on you,” he continued melodramatically, “but if I tried really hard, I might make a tolerable husband. I’ve got loads of practice with tidying house, I always put the toilet lid down, and I make a pretty wicked stoat sandwich.”

“Hmm….” Hermione wrinkled up her nose at the thought. “You’ll have to try a little harder than that,” she teased. “Girls do like a little romance, you know.”

Ginny raised her hand to her mouth, covering a giggle. Her watch slid down her wrist, and Harry just caught a glance at the time. It was getting late, and he had a busy Saturday ahead.

“Alright then,” Harry said, stretching and putting his arm around Hermione’s shoulders. He looked her right in the eyes and suggestively asked, “So, you want to go back to my place? My flat mate won’t be home for hours.” He gave her the most seductive smile he could as he stifled back his laughter.

A small smile played with the corners of her mouth. “Cute, Harry. But seeing as I am your flat mate, I think there’s a slight flaw in your plan; after all, there’s no way I could come home with you, and yet not be home for hours…not without a time turner at least.”

“Ohhh, right!” he said jokingly, slapping his palm against his forehead. “Well, I had to try. I’ll get this pick-up line thing down yet. And if it doesn’t work on you – you are so clever after all…well, maybe it will work on a…what was it? A ‘Dingbat Quidditch groupie?’”

“Yes, I’m sure that would just sweep a girl right off her feet,” Hermione laughed, rolling her eyes. “But you might be right,” she added with an innocent look and a shrug. “I may not be home for hours.”

“Oh, really?” Ginny asked exaggeratedly. “Going back to the library, are you? I thought they’d be closed by now.”

Hermione crossed her arms. “What makes you think that just because I say I’ll be out late means that I’ll be studying?”

“Well, I know you won’t be taking advantage of any of the earnest young men who’ll swarm you once Harry’s out of sight.”

Hermione let out an exasperated, “Honestly!” She screwed up her eyes at Ginny and said, “You are cheeky tonight,” through her teeth.

Harry raised his eyebrows in interest, trying to suppress a smile. “Is that true, Hermione?” He unwrapped his arm from her shoulder and looked down his nose at her. “You get swarmed by men when I’m not around?”

Ginny and Hermione both answered with a simultaneous, “Yes,” and “No,” respectively. Hermione glared at Ginny.

“Well,” Harry laughed, holding his hands up in surrender, “far be it from me to keep the swarm at bay. If I’m doomed to marry a Quidditch groupie, then maybe at least Malfoy will lose the part of his bet about you. Do be sure to use a Silencing Charm if you bring any of them home.” He winked at her as he stood up and she gaped at him in return. “Oh,” he added, leaning down close to her, “and I’d suggest using that pick-up line you used on me…I can’t imagine any guy in his right mind turning that one down.” He flashed her a roguish grin and she sat stunned, her mouth still agape.

“Ladies,” he said and bowed his head to them. “It’s been fun, but I really must get home.” They said a quick goodnight and he shook hands with Ron and Seamus. He left the money for his bill on the table and managed to just make it outside before too many of his Quidditch fans tried to get a word with him.

10. The Dream

Pub Night

By Tawny Spitfyre

Part Ten: The Dream

For safety reasons, and mostly to keep the annoying but smart Quidditch fans away, Harry and Hermione had cast anti-Apparation wards on their flat and agreed to Apparate to a point outside. Harry arrived with a crack and made his way to the door, using his enchanted key to let himself in. It didn’t take long to ready himself for bed, the lingering effects of alcohol threatening to put him to sleep where he stood if he didn’t lie down very soon.

He took his glasses off, set them on his bedside table, and extinguished the lamp. The darkness enveloped him and he welcomed the calm silence; a stark contrast to the loud and bustling atmosphere of the pub. Snuggling into the soft, comfortable blankets, he pulled them up tight under his chin and breathed deeply, attempting to become one with the bed. As he lay there, trying to summon the magic of sleep, his mind floated its way to that mysterious place that resides between consciousness and dreams.

“Harry,” a sultry voice echoed in his head. It was calling to him, luring him, and he envisioned a cloudy but delicate hand beckoning him in slow motion. He walked toward it, trying weakly to see its source through the haze.

“Harry,” it called again, in a near whisper. He felt a warm rush of air on his cheek and ear, and involuntarily closed his eyes, feeling goose bumps rise on his arms and the nape of his neck. He was paralyzed.

“Don’t be nervous, Harry,” the voice whispered in his ear. A warm sensation overtook him, and he had the feeling that someone was standing behind him, but not quite touching him. Hot breaths were floating past his cheek, making his hair tickle the edge of his ear. It was strange; something told him he knew the voice, but for the life of him he couldn’t place it.

“I’ve read all about this…” it said, and he felt the heat move from behind him, around his side and radiate against his face and chest. Harry tried desperately to open his eyes, but found himself nearly blinded by a bright, golden glow. Willing himself to overpower the force around him, he managed to open them just enough to see the silhouette of a person…or was it an angel? His eyes, like everything else, moved in slow motion, and made their way up the unfamiliar face before him until they rested on something familiar; a pair of eyes. He couldn’t keep his own eyes open, however, and before he could place the ones before him onto a face he knew, he was once again seeing the insides of his eyelids.

“I’ve read all about this,” the voice said again. “I know exactly what I’m doing.” The heat around him rose so quickly that Harry suddenly felt like he was on fire. Every inch of his skin tingled and burned at the same time, but it wasn’t painful or unpleasant. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He was gasping for air and yet a tranquil feeling of peace washed over him. The flames grew, and he became acutely aware of his cheeks, then his lips, tingling with the burning sensation.

Just when he thought he would combust from the overwhelming heat, there was a blinding flash and the warmth dissipated. With a jolt, he sat bolt upright in his bed, panting and sweaty. Once again he was in the dark, and it took his eyes a few moments to adjust to the small sliver of light that danced on his dresser; moonlight was creeping in through the window and flickered as the trees outside swayed. The fuzziness that comes when one is startled awake was fogging up his brain.

His heart was already pounding, but it doubled in speed and he jerked when he heard a light knock at his door.

“Harry?” a soft voice said. It was Hermione.

“Harry, are you alright?”

He took a deep breath and wiped the sweat from his face. “Yes, I’m fine,” he called out shakily, his voice raspy from sleep.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

A stream of light came in from the door as Hermione let herself in and closed it behind her. She walked over to his bed and quietly sat down on the edge. He lay back, pulling the blanket up with him, and rolled onto his side to face her. Although he was sweaty, he felt a slight chill from the coolness of his room and he shivered a little.

As his eyes adjusted to the dim moonlight, and even without his glasses, he could see that she was dressed for bed and had her hair pulled back. She looked at him searchingly, seemingly trying to appraise his condition.

“How long have you been home?” he asked.

“Not long,” she said softly, resting a hand on his arm. “I only left about 20 minutes after you. I was just about to go to bed when I heard a noise. I thought you were having a nightmare.” She sounded worried and her hand moved gently up and down his arm.

He smiled weakly and said, “No, it wasn’t a nightmare.” He paused for a moment, then asked, “Did I really make a noise?”

“Yes.” He saw her mouth draw up into a small smile. “Sort of a moan, actually.”

“Oh.” He was glad it was so dark, because the heat he was feeling then was definitely from a blush making its way across his face. He tried to think of something, anything, to excuse his “moan” without letting her know what his dream was really about. He actually wasn’t quite sure himself what it had been about, and he certainly wasn’t sure how he could describe it without it sounding a bit salacious.

Harry let out a quiet laugh and said, “Well, I guess I can’t always win the Quidditch Cup in my dreams.”

Hermione smiled. “I’m sure you’ll win it next time.” She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. “Sweet dreams, then.” She rose and made her way to the door.

“Hermione,” he said as she turned the doorknob. She stopped and turned around. “Sweet dreams to you, too.”

She smiled again, and a breeze outside moved a tree branch just enough that the moonlight flickered across her face, lighting up her eyes…those eyes!

“Goodnight, Harry.”

She slipped out the door and closed it quietly, and Harry’s heart was once again pounding in his chest. That was her in the dream, or not-quite-dream, or whatever it was. Those were her familiar eyes, and that was her voice, although he’d never heard quite so sultry an intonation from her. And those words…of course! The pick-up line.

“I can’t imagine any guy in his right mind turning that one down,” he heard himself saying again. He shook his head and rolled over, taking a deep breath and trying to squelch the odd feeling that was growing in his chest. I should have switched to Butterbeer much earlier, he thought, blaming the warm and fuzzy sensation on the alcohol. But as he drifted off to sleep, the small smile that was fixed on his face betrayed the feelings churning deep inside him, that even he didn’t realize were there…not yet, anyway.

A/N: Ok everybody! That is the official end of Pub Night. I know you thought it ended before, and it did, but so many people were asking questions that I thought I’d carry it out through this point. However, I know I still haven’t answered your question about what Ginny and Hermione were talking about…and all I can say is that patience is a virtue. J And I know there’s no serious Harry/Hermione action yet…but come on…do you really think they’ll get together that fast? Ok, well maybe you do…but please just be patient. J

Next I’ll be uploading the first part of this whole story, or the prequel to this scene. It may take a week or two, what with PoA-mania striking my household…but not too much longer. Thanks for all your positive comments and critiques!