Lost Without You

katediggory

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 13/04/2004
Last Updated: 20/04/2004
Status: completed

After Hogwarts - it's time for some confessions. Hermione is alone in Muggle London, and one drunken night as she tried to forget the tragedies of the past she sends a letter revealing her true feelings for the Saviour of the Wizarding World.

Chapters

1. The Morning After

2. Training

3. Lunch

4. How Long

5. A delivery

1. The Morning After

Chapter One

Nineteen-year-old Hermione Granger woke up to feel her head pounding. Opening her eyes turned out to be a colossal mistake. She groaned, and shading her eyes with her hand she surveyed her room. Her usually immaculate Dorm Room at the London School of Economics loosely resembled a bombsite. Her shoes from the night before lay where she had presumable had kicked them the night before, one on her desk having knocked over a photograph frame, the other by the door. She stood up gingerly, resting a hand on her bookcase to steady herself as the room span slightly. She was still dressed in skintight indigo jeans and a revealing black top. She wished she could remember the latter part of their evening out the night before.

Jen had been depressed after Dan, a guy she’d met a few days ago had failed to call her as promised, and to get her friend out of the self-imposed funk, Hermione had suggested a girl’s night out, though she had her own reasons to drown her sorrows that night…

Hermione got along surprisingly well with three out of the four girls in her suite, since coming to Muggle University three months previously Hermione had been able to relax slightly. Her History degree was enjoyable, but her timetable and workload weren’t too strenuous and after years of focusing on Magic, and the impending threat of attacks from Voldemort, University was a bit like a holiday for her.

Stripping off her clothes she threw on a robe and padded quietly out to the communal bathroom and climbed into the shower, the cool water a shock to the system, but a welcome relief for her pounding head. Ten minutes later, Hermione felt vaguely human again and thankfully no longer smelt of stale smoke and liquor. Stopping in the kitchenette on the way back to her bedroom she poured herself a glass of ice-cold water and retreated to her room to find some painkillers.

She rarely used magic at University but she couldn’t face the prospect of clearing up her room, so using the small key on her charm bracelet she unlocked the hidden box by her bed and withdrew her wand. With a few flicks of the wand her room was tidy, clean, and the smell of smoke was gone. Why she hadn’t thought to break out her supply of sobriety potions she had no idea, she must have been pretty smashed. Pulling on a clean pair of jeans and an oversized orange t-shirt she pulled her hair back into a ponytail and grabbing a book she headed back out of her room.

An hour later as the painkillers kicked in Hermione sat drinking a cup of very sugary tea, reading her book as muffled noises from the room across from her own signified that Jen had returned to the world of the living. If Hermione had felt bad when she woke up she could only imagine what Jen would be feeling like as the resident lightweight. Hermione stood and quickly made a cup of coffee for her friend, and knocking lightly she entered the room and handed it to her closest friend in London. Jen smiled gratefully as she followed Hermione back to the sofa where they collapsed next to one another in silence.

“Any sign of Mel or Jackie this morning?” Jen asked after a few fortifying sips of coffee.

“No signs of life yet. But Mel wasn’t really drinking last night, I have a vague memory of her saying she had an extra tutorial this morning that she couldn’t miss.” Hermione said, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the sofa cushions.

“I’m pretty sure we had a good time last night, judging by the fact I seem to have someone’s phone number written up my arm…” Jen said with a raised eyebrow as she studied her arm.

“Well to be honest everything’s a bit of a blur after we left ‘The Roadhouse’.” Hermione admitted.

“Oh…I’m remembering now…we ordered the pitchers of cocktails…Max was working and he gave us a discount…” Jen said slowly.

Hermione groaned.

“Lets blame Max then. I haven’t been that drunk in at least a year.” Hermione said rubbing her forehead.

“I’m pretty impressed actually Hermione. I’ve never seen you more than a little giggly. You must have gone all out last night, any special reason?” Jen asked her curiously.

“It was…well, it was the anniversary of an event in my life I’d rather forget.” Hermione said softly.

Jen looked at her friend in concern.

“You want to talk about it?” She said putting an arm around Hermione’s shoulders.

“Not today. The pain’s still a bit raw.” Hermione said in a voice only barely above a whisper, she could feel herself getting choked up and took a large gulp of tea and focused on pushing the thoughts from her mind. She would not think about Ginny today. She wouldn’t dwell on the past. It had been two years now.

Hermione was grateful to whoever knocked on the door to the girl’s suite at that moment as she stood and looked through the peephole. She smiled as she opened the door.

“Morning Max.” She said greeting their neighbour from downstairs, and her other best friend in London. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and entered the room, closing the door behind him.

“I take it we’re feeling a bit delicate this morning?” Max asked with a raised eyebrow. Hermione playfully swatted him on the arm as he took a seat on the sofa between the two girls.

“We’re choosing not to remember the details and blame you for serving us right now Max, be warned.” Jen said with a grimace.

“Well I’ve sent Tom out to get breakfast for us all if that helps?” He said with a grin.

“Max, all is forgiven. I may even name my first child after you. Bugger that, I might even have my first child with you if there are Hash Browns in that breakfast.” Hermione said resting her head on his shoulder.

Max burst out laughing, as did Jen, both amused to see that Hermione’s dry sense of humour wasn’t dulled by the after effects of excess alcohol.

Max was still grinning at the two hung over girls when Tom and Jackie arrived carrying breakfast.

“What’s Max grinning like an idiot about?” Jackie asked as she let herself into the suite.

“Morning Jack my sweet. I’m just relishing the fact that it isn’t Hermione making fun of me for my drunken antics this morning, but the other way around for once. Oh, and she promised to have children with me which didn’t hurt.” He said getting up to help distribute breakfast onto plates as Tom laughed and Jackie winked at Hermione.

“How is it that you still look human this morning Jack?” Jen asked her friend.

“Ah, well that would be because though I drank almost as much as you two last night, I could still walk when we got home, you two on the other hand we’re paralytic, and highly amusing.” Jackie said with a grin as took a seat opposite the sofa.

Hermione inhaled the scent of the Hash Browns Max passed her and sighed with happiness.

“If these taste as good as they smell, I may even make that twins Max.” She said with a grin, causing him to drop the fork he was holding, as she giggled at him.

“Glad to see you’re back to normal this morning Hermione.” Jackie said with a smile.

“In fact, I have a few questions for you about last night…”

“Oh God, what did I do or say?” Hermione said cringing nervously.

“Nothing too coherent so I wouldn’t worry, though I am extremely curious about just who the mysterious Ash might be?” Jackie said watching her friend closely.

Hermione’s face paled slightly, and she placed the fork she was holding back on her plate.

“Ash?” She asked quietly. “What did I say about him?”

“You were mumbling quite a bit by this point, but something about Owls, and telling him how you really felt.” Jackie said, now very curious about who this guy was and why he was so important to their friend who never spoke of her love life.

“Oh Shit.” Hermione said softly.

“Did I write any letters when I got home?” She asked cautiously as her four friends eyed her curiously.

“Well you scribbling away at your desk when I headed down to Tom’s.” Jackie said as Hermione put her head in her hands. She stood quickly and looked in the door of her bedroom, taking in several small details she had missed earlier that morning, the open window, the owl treat lying on the floor, and the pieces of paper littering her desk. She returned to the living room and sank back into her chair.

“I sent the letter.” She said, and suddenly fragments of the night before came back to her and she groaned.

“Please tell me I addressed it wrong or something. He can’t have gotten the letter.” She muttered to herself.

Jen watched her friend worriedly.

“Um, Hermione, who’s Ash, I don’t remember you ever mentioning his name before.”

“Oh, it’s a nickname. He’s…well its Harry, my best friend.” She said with a groan.

“Oh god I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t have drunk so much.” Jen took in what Hermione was telling and realised why her friend was so distressed. From what she could guess, Hermione had sent a letter telling her best friend that she had feelings for him. Jen had guessed Hermione was in love with the mysterious Harry several weeks before but she guessed the pair had never discussed anything of the sort. Jen quickly changed the subject and convinced Max to tell them what they’d got up to in the bar the night before, and as always Max embellished the story, teasing them and getting a laugh from everyone, even Hermione who looked a little calmer now she’d eaten her breakfast.

The gang were later joined by Mel who joined in the teasing as she produced photographs from the night before which showed Hermione and Jen dancing on a table in a crowded bar, and participating in a drinking contest with complete strangers. Hermione laughed along with her friends, glad for the distraction, though her mind crept back every few minutes to thinking of her Hogwarts friends. It hadn’t been a good idea to go out drinking on the anniversary of Ginny’s death…she had been feeling down all day, and had owled Ron, Harry and Mrs. Weasley in the morning, though she knew she wouldn’t receive replies from the boys. Maybe that was why yesterday had hit her so hard, it had been four months now since Harry and Ron had headed off with Moody for advanced Auror training and in that time she had received only one letter from them, on her birthday and it had been written in advance and sent on by Mrs. Weasley. They weren’t allowed to contact anyone in the outside world, though they were allowed to receive letters and she wrote to them constantly. After eight years as their constant companion it was incredibly hard to be separated from them. They were The Trio – the three people responsible for the death of Voldemort, and they were a part of her. Without them a part of her was missing. Especially Harry.

Maybe in some way it was a good thing she’d sent the letter. It had been too long, holding her feelings in, but the last thing Harry had needed was more turmoil in his life, and if he didn’t think of her in that way then their friendship would be altered, and their friendship was the most important thing in her life. She wished she could remember what she’d written.

2. Training

Chapter Two

Harry Potter collapsed onto his bunk in exhaustion. It had been an incredibly long day, with rigorous training, and then a simulated attack where he had been cornered by enemies and had to battle his way out, followed by a three hour martial arts class. He looked across the room to where Ron Weasley lay in a similar position, too tired and aching to even contemplate changing out of their clothes. Tomorrow would be just as hard. It reminded Harry of a muggle movie he’d once seen about Hell Week – the test to become a US Marine, though they only had to endure a week…this had been four long months of training. He and Ron didn’t need to verbalise their conversations anymore, they could predict each other’s moves and speak through loaded glances.

Harry closed his eyes and felt himself begin to fall into unconsciousness when Ron spoke. Harry was immediately alert, he sat bolt upright in his bed.

“What’s up?”

“Hedwig.” His friend replied sleepily. Harry stood and let his owl in the tiny window.

“But Hermione wrote this morning.” Ron said in confusion, then he fell into sorrowful silence as he remembered why Hermione might be writing twice in one day…it was two years since…Ron pulled the covers over him.

“I’m gonna sleep Harry.”

“Night Ron.” Harry said sadly as he sat on the edge of his bed, looking at the letter in his hands. At least he and Ron had each other around, especially today, one of the hardest days of the year for all of them. Hermione was with friends, but none who understood her pain, and Harry could read between the lines of the letters she sent to them faithfully. She was lonely, not for company but for them. They had the luxury of reading her letters, and contact from the outside world, but she had been completely cut off from them and it was eating him up inside. He could cope with anything the Aurors threw at him, but he missed Hermione like someone had cut off one of his arms – he wasn’t a complete person without her around.

Harry crawled into his bed and opened the letter. It was addressed only to him, and started off simply saying she was taking her friend Jen out, and admitting that in part she simply wanted to drown her sorrows and for once forget the trauma she relived every day in her mind. Harry could sympathise and he longed to just apparate right to her and hug her in comfort. He tried not to dwell too long on that thought; it would be a gesture of comfort, but for himself as well as her. He missed the physical contact, the hugs, the way she touched his arm, ruffled his hair teasingly. He refused to think about why he missed Hermione so much, it would just drive him insane, and that was Moody’s job.

Harry noted a gap in the letter as if she had stopped writing it and come back to it at some later point, her writing was now messier, the lettering slightly larger, the lines not completely straight as usual. His eyes widened as he read, and he could suddenly hear the sound of his heart beating in his ears.

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Ash

Well, we just got back from a bar. I drank to forget, but it only made me remember. I remember how Gin would tease me about the way I looked at you, and the way I wanted to take care of you. She was the only one who knew. The only one I could talk to about this. I miss everything about her, but today I miss this the most. She’s gone, and I know she isn’t coming back, so I try and think that you and Ron ARE coming back to me. I hope you are, and I hope it’s soon because I’ve tried to be strong, but I need you. Is it weak to need you? You’re part of me, it’s like I’m wandering around in a daze. Every time I see someone with green eyes, I think I see you. I think I see you in the strangest places and I get ready to run up and hug you.

I miss your hugs. No one else can hug the way you do.

Have you guessed what I’m trying to say?

I’ve sort of run out of words. Wouldn’t Ron laugh, Hermione The Bookworm has run out of words. So, I’m going to borrow someone else’s.

Maybe the song will tell you what I can’t – or what - even with alcohol – I’m still too afraid to tell you

The song will play for you and only you when you break the seal of the piece of parchment enclosed.

Night Harry

Love

Brown

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Harry sat looking at the words on the page. Did she mean what he thought she meant? He stared at the words. She always had been his brown-eyed girl, the song had always reminded him of Hermione, and when it came to choosing nicknames for their Animagus forms he had known immediately what the elegant Chestnut Brown Hippogriff in front of him would be called. She had grinned at the name and watched him transform into his Phoenix form. She had told him that he always rose from the ashes, and had named him. The two of them had looked at Ron also in his Hippogriff form and he’d transformed back with a laugh and said knowingly. “I guess its ‘Red’ for me then.” Harry smiled at the memory and with slightly shaking hands broke the seal on the parchment, wondering why his hands would shake now when they had been steady as a rock when facing death. A melody filled the room, and Harry listened in wonder at the lyrics to a song he’d never heard. As the song finished the lyrics appeared on the parchment and he held it tight, his eyes scanning the words again and again as he considered the meaning.

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Lost without You

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
’Cause I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you’ve gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I’m lost without you, I’m not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you, I need you by my side
If we ever say we’ll never be together and we ended with goodbye

don’t know what I’d do.

I’m lost without you

I keep trying to find my way, but all I know is I’m lost without you
I keep trying to face the day, I’m lost without you

How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I’m so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You’re the only thing that’s on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night, and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right, no I’m not too proud to say

All I know is I’m lost without you, I’m not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you, I need you by my side
If we ever say we’ll never be together and we ended with goodbye

don’t know what I’d do

I’m lost without you

I keep trying to find my way, but all I know is I’m lost without you
I keep trying to face the day, I’m lost without you

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can’t stop the tears from running down my face

All I know is I’m lost without you, I’m not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we’ll never be together and we ended with goodbye don’t know what I’d do

I’m lost without you

I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I’m lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I’m lost without you

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Harry closed the parchment and placed it securely under his pillow, retrieving a worn photograph from the same spot. He held it lovingly, looking at the image of Hermione in the garden of The Burrow. She was sitting with her eyes closed, her back leaning against a tree. As he’d taken the photograph she had opened her eyes and smiled at him. He watched her smile at him and then laugh as Ron tripped behind him, out of the shot. Her face was illuminated by that smile, the smile she had smiled just for him. Harry replaced the photograph and lay back, facing the ceiling. With a flick of his wand the lights in the small room were extinguished and Harry lay awake, desperate to get out of this training program. He needed to see her. He needed to be with her. He knew Hermione, and she wouldn’t send a letter like this lightly, and she needed a response, and Harry was going to do everything in his power to make sure she got one.

3. Lunch

Chapter Three

Harry and Ron spent the 48 hours after waking, working solidly, trapped in a room similar to the Room of Requirement, they fought every kind of foe imaginable in a forest environment, dodging spells, dragons, vampires, working together flawlessly despite their fatigue. They didn’t relax until the door of the room opened revealing Alastor Moody. Moody simply nodded at the pair, dismissing them from training for the day. They walked back to their small bare room in silence, simply sharing a look before they climbed into their beds and fell to sleep.

Harry looked at his watch when he awoke and was gratified to see he’d managed to cram in 18 hours of sleep without being disturbed, something he’s needed for about three weeks now. Ron was already up and dressed, now reading through a letter Harry recognised to be from Mrs. Weasley. Ron looked up at Harry.

“I’m going.” Harry said simply.

“The letter?” Ron asked. Harry nodded and Ron grinned.

Ron had note Harry’s determination in their training over the last 2 days and nights and had immediately sensed what was driving Harry to prove himself beyond all doubt. Ron knew that Harry was the most powerful and talented wizard in the world, but Harry had insisted on attending the full Auror training to refine his skills, and to practice working with Ron who would be his partner if they graduated training.

Ron wished he could just get home for one day, even just one meal as a break from the monotony of the training compound they were imprisoned in. Well, technically he was the only one imprisoned as Ron knew that Harry would be able to effortlessly break through the impermeable apparition shield surrounding the building, he had just chosen not to reveal this to their instructors. Sadly, even Harry couldn’t overcome the charm which prevented any parchment or paper leaving the compound before it burst into flames, meaning they were unable to contact their friends or family. Ron had been able to cope pretty well with this up to several days ago as he and Harry had one another to talk to, but he knew his Mum had needed ALL of her family close this week, remembering Ginny, which would only cause her to think of Percy’s death also.

Judging from the smile on Harry’s face, Hermione must have at least hinted at having feelings for Harry, if not admitting them outright, Ron decided not to pry, as Harry would tell him when he was ready to.

“They could disqualify you.” Ron reminded Harry, feeling the need to take Hermione’s role as the voice of reason for a moment, as those in Auror training only left the compound if their training was complete, or if they quit. Harry nodded and answered the unspoken question he could see in his best friends eyes.

“It’s worth it.” They smiled at each other and Harry headed to the shower to make himself a little more presentable.

Ten minutes later Harry stood in a pair of jeans and black t-shirt, looking rather nervously at Ron.

“I haven’t really thought this through too much.” He admitted.

“Well it’s Wednesday right?” Harry thought for a second and agreed, it was hard to keep track of the days when you didn’t see the outside world.

“Ok, so she and her friends will be having lunch in their usual place, something about all Muggle University’s having Wednesday afternoons off I seem to remember.” Ron said frowning. Harry grinned.

“Of course! You’re a genius Ron.” Ron laughed.

“Glad you’ve finally realised it. Now give her a great big hug from me, and ask her if she’ll let Mum know I’m ok.” Harry nodded. The two friends hugged briefly.

“You’ll be able to handle everything here?”

Ron nodded with a grin.

“I can’t wait to see Moody’s face when the alarms go off.”

“I’ll be back in an hour or two.” They grinned at each other, and with a pop Harry had disapparated and a low siren began to wail throughout the compound. Ron grinned as the door to their room flew open and a team of Aurors swept in, wands drawn.

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Hermione had thrown herself into her University work the past two days, and subsequently she was now two weeks ahead in her reading list, but had been able to take short breaks from thinking about Harry and his possible reactions to the letter. She entered Mr. Wu’s with a smile as she saw her friends gathered at their usual table at the back of the tiny Chinese restaurant in Leicester Square. As usual for lunchtime, the place was packed, and the noisy atmosphere was comforting, as was the thought of all the food she was about to eat. Having greeted her friends and ordered a drink she weaved her way back through the tables to the all-you-can-eat buffet and began piling up some food.

The seven friends sat chatting and laughing together while they ate, dissecting the phone call Jen had finally received from Dan, and laughing at Jen’s blush whenever his name was mentioned. James turned to Hermione with a curious look as the laughter died down.

“So what’s this I hear about a love interest for you then?” He asked her, having not seen her in the last two days as she hid in the library. Hermione blushed.

“So why have none of us met the mysterious Harry then?” Jackie asked, having been curious about this since Hermione’s revelations the other morning.

“He’s in training. He’s…well; he’s with the Special Forces. And he isn’t allowed to contact anyone during the first 6 months of his training for this new job.” She said sadly, though with a hint of pride. “My other best friend Ron is training with him.” Hermione said with a smile. Max looked impressed.

“They’re really young to be on such intensive training aren’t they?” He asked.

Hermione nodded. Mel was beginning to look very interested and Hermione laughed, knowing her friends fascination with men in uniform.

“I’ll introduce you as soon as they’re out of training.” Hermione said with a grin.

“Maybe you won’t need to. I might be married by then.” Mel said distractedly. Hermione raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“The most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on has just walked through the door.” Mel elaborated. Jackie turned and gasped.

“Oh wow.” She said turning back.

“For once Mel isn’t exaggerating. Those eyes. I’ve never seen such green eyes.”

Hermione froze.

“Green eyes?” She asked quietly. Everyone turned to look at Hermione whose eyes were sparkling slightly. Jackie nodded silently.

“I’m going to guess that he has black hair, and a very distinctive scar on his forehead, in the shape of a lightning bolt.” She said softly, now sensing a familiar aura of magic in the room. Mel’s eyes widened at her friends description of the man who stood scanning his eyes over the restaurant.

“You know him?” She gasped.

“Well, you wanted to meet Harry. Look’s like he’s here.” Hermione said, a dazzling smile spreading across her face as she stood and turned around, finally seeing him for herself. Their eyes met, and even Jen gasped as Harry smiled, his whole face lighting up. Hermione was now weaving her way through the tables towards Harry, moving as fast as she could, her eyes not leaving his. She was finally out away from the tables and Harry took a step towards her, wrapping her up in his arms. Hermione hugged him as tight as possible, breathing in the familiar scent, and grinning into his shoulder as he kissed her hair.

Harry finally released her a little and looked down at her smiling.

“I missed you so much.” He said quietly.

“I missed you too.” She said with a half smile.

“Harry how did you get here? You haven’t finished training.”

“Ah, well I apparated out.” He said smiling sheepishly. She gasped.

“But…”

“I know Brown. But I needed to see you. I needed to see you even before I got your letter… I’ll deal with Mad-Eye when I get back. But I though maybe we could spend an hour or two together?” He asked, and Hermione laughed as he pouted childishly.

“I’d like nothing better.” She said with a grin, before hugging him again.

“I guess I’d better introduce you to my friends before they come running over here to interrogate you.” She said, taking his hand instinctively as she always did while they walked.

“Oh, I told them you were with Special Forces, Training for a new position.” Harry nodded and smiled at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him as they walked towards her friends.

“Everyone, this is Harry. Harry, this is Jen, James, Jackie, Tom, Max and Mel.” Hermione said pointing out her friends.

“Hi. Sorry to drop by unannounced.” He said, giving them his trademark-charming grin. Hermione held back a giggle as the girls fell victim to it. She made a move to grab a chair for Harry from another table, but he caught her wrist as she went to move and he sat down in her vacated chair, pulling her onto his lap. She smiled at him, oblivious to the wide eyes of her friends.

“So Harry. What are you doing here? Hermione was just telling us you were in training.” Tom asked curiously, noting the way Hermione’s eyes sparkled as she smiled. He didn’t think he’d seen her so happy in the last three months.

Harry grinned a little guiltily.

“Ah, well I went AWOL. Just for a few hours. I have to head back to training before they convince Ron to tell them where I am.” He said with a laugh. Hermione giggled at her friend’s looks of shock.

“I don’t think Ron will have any trouble keeping this secret. He isn’t that different from Fred and George.” Hermione reminded him.

She handed her plate of half eaten food to Harry who grinned gratefully and took a few mouthfuls.

“Decent food for once. I might never go back at this rate.”

Harry settled easily into the conversation as Tom asked Jen a few teasing questions about Dan.

“He called eventually then?” Harry asked to a surprised look from Jen.

“Hermione here leaves no details out of her letters.” He said apologetically. Jen laughed, knowing that would be true considering how much effort Hermione put into all her work, even the essays that didn’t count towards a final grade. As everyone finished their meals, Hermione felt Harry take her hand a squeeze it lightly.

“We’re going to go guys. I’ll see you all at home later on.” Hermione said softly.

Everyone said their goodbyes, Jen hugging Hermione as Harry shook the boys hands.

“Go for it hunny.” She whispered. Hermione laughed and whispered back.

“I intend to.” They smiled at one another briefly, Hermione leaving some money on the table to cover her meal, as she led Harry out of the restaurant.

4. How Long

Chapter Four

Hermione and Harry walked into a small alleyway and holding Harry’s hand in hers, Hermione apparated them into her room. Harry took in the surroundings, seeing everything Hermione had described in such detail during the last few months, and smiling to see how accurate she was. His eyes moved back to look at her standing next to him. She was smiling at him.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” She said softly.

“Me either. I’ve been imagining being able to hug you every day for the last four months.” Harry said with a wistful smile. Hermione moved closer and put her arms around his waist hugging him to her.

“I guess I only have an hour to hug you enough to get us through the next two months.” She said sadly.

“Unless they disqualify me.” Harry said simply.

“Do you think they will?”

“No. But right now I wish they would so I could just stay with you. It’s hell not being able to answer your letters, and not being with you Sunday was just…” He trailed off, not needing to say it.

“I know… How’s Ron coping?” She asked concerned.

“Immersing himself in work. But he made me promise to ask you to let Molly know he’s ok.” Hermione nodded, proud that Ron’s first thought had been for his Mum.

“He also told me to pass on a huge hug from him, until he sees you.” Harry said, picking her up in a bone crushing hug and twirling her around. She laughed and leant against him as he put her down.

“Thank him for me.” She said with a grin. “I’m going to The Burrow on Friday night for dinner. Molly will be thrilled to have heard from you two, believe me.” Hermione said.

She was now thinking back to that moment in the restaurant. Harry had mentioned the letter briefly, and he didn’t seem at all awkward around her, in fact he was the same as always. He seemed to sense the question she was thinking of asking and sat down on the edge of her bed. Hermione sat down next to him, and crossing her legs underneath her, turned to face him.

“You got my letter then?” She asked. Harry nodded.

“I know you’d been drinking when you wrote it…but, did you mean what you wrote? Did you mean what was implied in the song?” Harry asked her quietly, watching her face closely.

Hermione now remembered which song she had included. She smiled, blushing as she nodded. Harry smiled at her, and placed his hand on the side of her face gently and pulled her closer to him. He paused and looked into the familiar brown eyes for a moment, before leaning and kissing her.

Hermione froze for a moment, her eyes searching out Harry’s, but what she saw in his eyes caused her to lean forward with a smile and press her lips back to his. Harry pulled back, and looked at Hermione, hardly believing she was sitting right in front of him after so long of imagining her being near. He held out his arms and Hermione moved to sit on his lap, his arms wrapped around her. Harry buried his face in her hair and tried to think of a semi-logical plan to get Hermione back to the training compound with him. He chuckled at his own thoughts, causing Hermione to look up at him with a smile.

“What are you laughing about?” She asked shyly. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

“I love you.” He said softly. Hermione’s eyes widened and she smiled as Harry leant in to kiss her properly. She had imagined kissing Harry many times, but she’d never imagined it would be so perfect. She sighed happily as they broke apart several minutes later, her hands running lightly through his unruly hair.

Harry raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed.

“You already know I love you.” She said with a grin. His eyes sparkled happily, and he playfully covered her face with quick kisses as she laughed and tried to escape his attempts to tickle her. Hermione squealed as Harry tickled her and after a moment she managed to distract him by kissing him passionately.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Harry mumbled against her mouth. She looked at him sadly.

“I’m going to miss you too.” She said quietly, lying down on her bed and staring at the ceiling. They both sighed.

“Well I’ll be able to write again in two months if they let me back in.” Harry said. Hermione didn’t answer and looking at her face he saw a single tear slip down her cheek. He moved quickly and sat next to her, his back leaning against the wall, pulling her to him so her head rested against his chest. She wrapped her arms tightly around his stomach and cried softly.

“I don’t think they’ll make us stay for the full three months after that.” He told her softly, stroking her hair.

“And then Ron and I will get a flat, I’m sure I can convince him to live in Muggle London, within a five minute walk of here so I can see you every day, unless you want to live with us that is.” He said. He felt her smile against his chest.

“You wouldn’t even have to put up with Ron’s mess, he’s become quite tidy since we’ve been in training. He even remembered to warn me of the consequences before I apparated here – I think he might have matured.” Harry said with a grin. Hermione giggled.

“I’m sure it’s an act. Ron will never grow up, and I wouldn’t want him to.” She said looking up at Harry. He reached down and brushed the tears from her face with the pad of his thumb.

“Hermione, I love you. That’s not going to go away if we’re apart for a few months. The second they let me out I’m going to be right back here.”

“You promise?” She asked. Harry nodded with a smile as his eyes took in every detail of her face.

“I love you.” She murmured, hugging him close again.

They stayed curled up next to one another, their legs intertwined, arms around each other and just talked as they usually did, pausing occasionally to kiss, until Hermione glanced at her watch. She sighed.

“You know how much I hate to say this, but…” She gestured to her watch and Harry sighed.

“I know… I’d better get back.”

They stood and looked at each other, their eyes saying everything that needed to be said. Hermione put a hand on his arm just as he prepared to disapparate.

“How long?” She asked him quietly. He smiled, knowing what she was asking.

“Since the day you arrived at Grimmauld Place before our Seventh Year.” He said. She looked shocked that Harry had loved her for so long.

“You walked in the door and everything was ok again.” Harry said. Hermione hugged him impulsively.

“What about you?” He asked her curiously.

“I don’t even know if you’ll remember…but it was Boxing Day, our Seventh Year and we’d been drinking in the Three Broomsticks, we got back to the Common Room and you were completely hammered. Ron left the room, I can’t remember why, and you were practically falling asleep, your head in my lap and you were singing ‘Brown-Eyed Girl’…you were so funny.” Hermione said laughing lightly at the memory.

“I just knew at that moment.” She said with a smile.

Harry brushed a strand of hair back from her face and kissed her softly.

“We wasted a lot of time then…I’ll see you as soon as I can.” He promised. She nodded and closed her eyes not wanting to see him leave. She heard a distinctive ‘pop’ and after a moment she forced herself to open her eyes and look at the space where he had been a moment before.

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Harry didn’t apparate straight back to the compound, stopping briefly in Diagon Alley before apparating back to find an amused looking Ron and a rather confused looking group of Aurors in the small room he and Ron shared.

“How’d it go mate?” Ron asked, ignoring the stares of the Aurors.

Harry simply grinned in reply. Ron smiled back at him.

“So Harry, you’ve been able to break the apparition shields all this time.” Moody interrupted them. Harry grinned sheepishly at their instructor, and saw Tonks behind Ron, hiding a smirk at Moody’s indignation.

“So what other skills have you been keeping from us?”

“Ah, well…I thought I’d just use my normal powers in training, to refine them.” Harry said a little awkwardly.

“So there are other powers you haven’t revealed?” Kingsley asked.

Ron and Harry exchanged a glance.

“Just tell them mate.” Ron said encouragingly, as he watched the proceedings with Tonks.

“Well, they’re rather dark skills. I inherited part of most of them from Voldemort, and it seems they only got stronger when I killed him, I could always speak Parseltongue, and you know about my Occlumency maybe it would be easier if I just showed you the other powers in the training room.” Harry admitted.

5. A delivery

Chapter Five

Hermione was greeted with cheers and hugs from her roommates when they arrived home about an hour later, due to her inability to wipe the grin off her face. She spent the rest of the afternoon sitting and talking with Jen and Max who eventually managed to get her talking about Harry.

“So when did you become friends?” Max asked curiously.

“Well, we met on the first day of school, but we weren’t friends until Halloween. Ron had been moaning about how annoying I was, I overheard and hid in the bathroom crying.” Hermione smiled sheepishly remembering the day.

“And Ron’s your other best friend?” Hermione nodded.

“One of the girls told them where I was so they came to find me… We’ve been best friends ever since, the three of us.”

“Your best friends are all male?” Jen asked curiously, she found it odd considering how close she and Hermione had already become in the last few months. She watched her friends face fall and instinctively placed a hand on her arm.

“Well I never really got along with the girls in my own year, but Ron’s sister, she was a year younger than us…Ginny…” Hermione trailed off sadly, her eyes distant.

“What happened?”

“She…she died. Two years ago last Sunday.” Hermione said quietly.

Jen nodded, now understanding why Hermione had drunk so much, and been so out of control on Sunday night.

“It’s still…well, I just can’t believe she’s gone. She always knew how to make me laugh. Always pranking everyone but no one ever suspected it was her.” Hermione remembered with a sad smile.

“So, tell us more about Harry then?” Max asked with a grin, getting a laugh from the two girls.

“You are such a gossip!” Jen teased him. Max held up his hands in defeat.

“I fully admit to being a gossip. Now tell us!” He demanded.

“He’s…well, he’s Harry! He always knows exactly what to say, he’s so brave around everyone, but he lets his guard down with me and Ron…he’s been through a lot…he’s an orphan, he lived with his Aunt’s horrible family who mistreated him…he never had anyone to love until he came to school. Ron’s family practically adopted him. He’s so funny, always getting me into trouble for breaking rules…” Hermione said with a grin, remembering so many adventures the four of them had had with the Marauders Map and the Invisibility Cloak over the years.

“You missed out the fact that he’s incredibly good looking.” Jen said poking Hermione in the side with a laugh.

“Ok, he’s amazing good looking. Who could resist those eyes? And the way his hair is always completely out of control.” Hermione smiled.

“He sounds a bit too good to be true.” Max said, worried Hermione would be hurt.

“Harry would never do anything to hurt me. He’s one of the good ones.” Hermione reassured Max.

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Hermione found herself daydreaming in her lecture on Thursday afternoon, gazing out of the window and reliving her favourite memories of Harry. His face after winning the Quidditch Cup in their Seventh Year, helping her carry her books from the library to the Common Room, sitting talking with Dobby, losing to Ron at chess for the umpteenth time, the fear in his eyes when she was cursed in the Department of Mysteries, and the confusion when he finally defeated Voldemort. She shook her head, trying to focus on her Professor though she’d already read the textbook and all the recommended extra reading. She couldn’t let herself daydream about Harry; she’d never get through the next months if she did that. She spent the rest of the day focusing on reciting Arithmancy equations in her head to prevent her thoughts from wandering back to Harry.

She was happily still doing this as she let herself into her flat two hours later. Harry and Ron had always considered her insane for being relaxed by equations but they humoured her, knowing that if she didn’t recite them in her head she would have hexed them to hell and back before their final exams. Damn, she thought about Harry. Well, it wasn’t like he didn’t return her feelings, she didn’t have to worry so much about it, and he was so adorable, maybe she could designate a few minutes an hour to thinking about nothing but him…She chuckled under her breath.

“I’m a basket case.” She muttered to herself.

“What’s up Hermione?” Mel asked from the kitchen, having overheard her friend’s mutterings.

“I don’t suppose you know who Brown in?” Mel asked with a smile, having already guessed the answer. Hermione’s head snapped up to look at her friend questioningly.

“It was delivered earlier. Jen put it in your room.” Mel said with a grin as Hermione threw her bag onto the sofa and rushed to her room with a grin. Mel followed, yelling to Jen as she went.

“She’s home!” Jen came rushing into Hermione’s room and the three of them sat on her bed looking at the box on the desk.

“Well – open it!” Jen exclaimed.

“It is from Harry isn’t it?” Mel asked. Hermione nodded with a smile.

“He must have done this before he went back to training.” She said with a smile as she found a pair of scissors and opened up the parcel, removing a smaller gift-wrapped box. Hermione laughed as she pulled out a small cuddly phoenix. Jen and Mel exchanged confused glances, not understanding the significance, Hermione looked up and blushed.

“We both like um…mythical animals. It’s a long story really, but this could only be from Harry.” She said happily, smiling even more when she found the Greatest Hits of Van Morrison in the parcel.

“Brown-eyed girl.” She explained to her friends who now began to understand Hermione’s nickname.

“It’s our song.” Jen and Mel nodded and moved back to give Hermione a little space as she pulled out a note from the box. Hermione looked a little tearful as she read the note, but she smiled as she placed the note in her pocket.

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Hermione was greeted with a double hug from Fred and George as she let herself into The Burrow on Friday evening. She laughed and kissed her two honorary brothers on the cheek before heading into the house to find Molly and Arthur who were in the midst of the Weasley family gathering. Hermione had felt rather uncomfortable attending these gatherings for the last few months, as Ron and Harry’s absence only seemed to highlight the gap at the table where Ginny had always sat. She had still come to visit Molly and Arthur, but she had tried to visit on days when the house was less crowded, but she had felt her selfishness while reflecting on Ginny’s death. She was lost to them all.

As Hermione stood talking with Molly in the kitchen however she felt more at ease at The Burrow than she had since Ron and Harry had left for training. She knew exactly why.

“Molly. The boys are ok.” Hermione reassured her Mother. Molly turned to her.

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me, but how can we know?” Molly asked despairingly. She paused at the sparkle in Hermione’s eyes.

“What is it?”

“They are ok Molly. Harry let me know on Wednesday. Ron sent a message to you not to worry. Although Harry mentioned Ron had become tidier, so there is still the possibility that he’s under the Imperius…” Hermione teased her second Mother. Molly’s eyes teared up though she chuckled at the thought of Ron being tidy.

“Really?” Hermione nodded and hugged Molly tight.

“How did Harry get a message to you?” Molly asked pulling back from the hug and wiping her eyes on her apron.

Hermione raised an eyebrow.

“You know Harry. He used some of those powers he dislikes so much. I think being cooped up in the compound was really getting to them, they needed to rebel a little.” Hermione said, and the two women grinned at each other before gathering the dishes together and carrying them through to the dining room.

Hermione took a seat between Alicia and Charlie and happily took Charlie and Laura’s young daughter in her arms to allow the couple time to eat interrupted. She was gazing happily at the baby while chatting to Arthur, who as always was fascinated by everything Muggle, and Hermione attending a Muggle University was like Christmas morning to him. She held back a giggle as Molly rolled her eyes behind her husbands back. Hermione was in the middle of explaining the basics of electricity yet again when she paused mid-sentence. She closed her eyes, and received worried glances from around the table. After a moment a wide smile spread across her face and as she reopened her eyes they saw her eyes were smiling also.

“Molly, there’s someone at the door for you.” She said softly. Molly stood abruptly and turned towards the front door, just reaching it when it opened and Ron walked into the room. Hermione silently handed baby Emily back to Charlie as everyone stood. She silently began to weave her way through everyone. She couldn’t see Ron anymore, could only hear everyone’s shouts of excitement and Molly’s tears as she hugged her son. Finally she moved past Fred and George’s excited and rather hazardous dancing and she could see him. Harry was wrapped up in Molly’s arms, as was Ron, both being hugged as if she’d never let them go. Hermione paused, now only a few feet away from them. Harry was released from Molly’s arms and Hermione watched as his eyes anxiously scanned the sea of faces in front of him while Ron was engulfed in a hug from his Father.

Harry’s eyes finally locked on hers, a huge grin spreading across his face. He took a step towards her and before Hermione knew what she was doing she was running at him, jumping to wrap her legs around his waist, her arms weaving around his neck, hugging him tight. Harry caught her and held her tight, though she could feel his chest reverberating as he laughed.

“I missed you too ‘Mione.” Harry whispered into her ear. She leant her head back a little to look at him with a smile and kissed him.

Harry put her back down on the floor and kissed her again, and only then did the pair remember their audience. Fred and George were leading the cheering, and Ron was laughing. Molly and Arthur looked shocked, but Hermione could see Molly was holding back giggles. Hermione blushed and Harry laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and hugging her close to his side.

“When did this happen?” Charlie asked with a grin, approaching Harry.

“Depends what you mean, either our Seventh year, or two days ago depending on how you look at it.” Harry and Charlie grinned at each other as Hermione pulled away from Harry and ran at Ron for a huge hug.

Ron laughed and held her close.

“That was some welcome Brown.” He teased her, kissing her hair lightly.

“I missed you Ron.” She said softly as she took his hand and led him towards the dinner table where everyone was now returning. Bill had rearranged the seating to accommodate Harry and Ron. Ron smiled at his best friend, knowing that he would never be excluded, they would always be The Trio even though Harry and Hermione were together, and he loved Hermione even more for subtly letting him know that. Harry looked up from his conversation with Arthur and taking in his two best friends holding hands he grinned and went back to chatting.

Hermione took a seat next to Harry who took her hand in his, and refused to let go all throughout the meal. She smiled at him.

“Are you going to tell us how you’re here then? Last I knew they might throw you out of the training program for your rule breaking – I take it that didn’t happen?” She asked, getting the attention of most of the table who also wanted to hear the answer. Harry shared a grin with Ron who was sitting opposite him.

“Well if we’d known that Harry’s little rebellion would have ended this way I would have made him do it a lot sooner.” Ron said with a laugh.

“What rebellion would this be?” George asked.

“Ah, well I apparated out of the compound to see Hermione.” Harry said blushing. The Weasley boys laughed and Alicia leant close to Hermione whispering something in her ear and the girls smiled at each other.

“So you could apparate out of there the whole time?” Fred asked incredulously. Harry nodded simply.

“And you resisted?” George asked.

“We thought we’d better stick to the training rules and just use basic magical powers.” Harry said sheepishly.

“You should have seen their faces.” Ron said with glee.

“I thought Moody was going to burst his face went so red. Serves him right for that Acromantula attack training week.” Ron said with a cheeky grin. Harry and Hermione laughed at the expression of pleasure on Ron’s face.

“So what did they say when you apparated back.” Hermione asked, determined to get some answers.

“They wanted to know what else we’d been keeping from them.” Ron said with a laugh. “So we headed back into the training room and kicked some butt. That’s where we’ve been since Wednesday evening. After that they said we were ready to graduate from the training program. We get a week off and then it’s straight to work in the Auror Division!” Molly looked at Ron and Harry proudly, and the table was once again overtaken with conversations.

“So you used your full magic?” Hermione asked Harry quietly so only they could hear.

“No, not everything. You know I wont use that one power again. I wouldn’t need to…I’d only need the Basilisk to defeat Voldemort and we’ve done that now.” They shared a silent look of understanding.

“Congratulations Harry.”

“Hey, what are you two lovebirds whispering about?” Ron teased them affectionately.

“Hermione was just telling me she’s got a date lined up for you mate.” Harry said with a grin. Hermione shot him a glance.

“You know that Ron and Jen would be perfect together.” Harry said with a laugh. Hermione thought for a moment and nodded in agreement.

“I’ll introduce you tomorrow Ron.” Hermione said and Ron blushed before continuing his description of their final training battle. Harry chipped in every now and again to correct Ron or tease him, but it was Ron’s show and Hermione moved her chair closer to Harry’s and happily leant against him, her head resting on his shoulder.

Molly and Arthur stood in the kitchen doorway an hour later, watching their children interact. Ron and Charlie were playing chess, Laura was referring an exploding snap game between Fred, George, Alicia and Angelina to prevent their outrageous cheating, holding her daughter in one arm. Hermione and Harry were curled up on a small sofa watching the chess game and talking softly.

“Ginny would have loved this.” Arthur said softly.

Molly nodded and hugged her husband as they observed their family.

As Mr. And Mrs. Weasley watched, Harry and Hermione stood, and made their way around the room saying goodnight to everyone. Ron stood to talk with them and Molly felt a tear slip down a cheek as the three exchanged a long group hug. She could overhear snippets of their conversation.

“So lunch tomorrow at the Leaky Cauldron? You going to be up by twelve Red?”

“See you there Brown. You take care of him ok? He still has those nightmares.” Harry glared at Ron at this point until his best friends looked at him pointedly.

“What? They aren’t as bad as they were!”

“Thanks for telling me Ron. I’ve got some dreamless sleep potion kicking around still if it’s bad… It’s so good to have you back.” Hermione said hugging Ron again. The three smiled at each other before Ron headed back to his chess game and Harry and Hermione bade goodnight to Arthur and Molly, promising to be back for Sunday lunch.

Hermione awoke on Saturday morning to find Harry lying next to her, watching her intently, his unruly black hair standing in stark contrast with the white pillow.

“Morning.” She said shyly. Harry kissed the tip of her nose gently before wrapping an arm around her and hugging her tight.

“Good Morning.” Hermione said with a smile, kissing him lightly, sighing with happiness as she hugged him.

THE END

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This fic included two songs – ‘Lost Without You’ by Delta Goodrem, for the lyrics which seemed to fit the situation perfectly, and Van Morrison ‘Brown Eyed Girl’, not particularly for all the lyrics, but because I like the song, and I could just see Harry drunkenly singing “you my brown eyed girl” – no idea why – but I knew it had to be their song!

Van Morrison – Brown eyed Girl

Sha la la la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la
I hear a song makes me think of a girl I used to know
I sing along when I hear it on the radio now

Hey now where did we go
Ooh yeah days when the rains came
Way down in the hollow
Ooh yeah playing a new game
Laughing and a running (hey hey hey)
Skipping and a jumping (yeah yeah)
In the misty morning fog
Oh baby and our hearts a thumping
And you
My brown eyed girl
You my brown eyed girl

Do you remember when we used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la
I hear a song makes me think of a girl I used to know
(Hey hey hey)
I sing along when I hear it on the radio now

Now that the years gone by
Yeah now that I’m on my own
Saw you just the other day
Oh my baby you have grown
Cast my memory back there
Sometimes I am overcome just thinking about it
Making love in the green grass
Behind the stadium with you
My brown eyed girl
You my brown eyed girl
You my brown eyed girl

Do you remember when
Yeah’ we used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la
I hear a song makes me think of a girl I used to know
(Hey hey hey)
I sing along when I hear it on the radio

(Hey hey hey)