(Warning: ANGSTY!) Three-shot, Song-fics, Harry's thoughts before the final battle, Ron's thoughts saying goodbye, and lastly Hermione; inspired by some of my favourite songs...
From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/2056/
Disclaimer: HP characters obviously aren’t mine, they belong to our Godess JK Rowling… Neither is the song, I don’t know who it belongs to, but it’s sung by Marco Borsato: De Waarheid
So this is my first attempt at a song-fic, and I know it isn’t custom but I picked a Dutch song. Don’t worry, though, the translation is right beside every line! I love the song very much, have for a long time, even if the lyrics aren’t that… optimistic. It’s actually a song that probably doesn’t quite have the dramatic meaning I’m going to give it, but, well… you’ll see… you judge!
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de waarheid (the truth)
Harry breathed in the cool morning air. Tonight he was going to die…
Shaking his head, he tried to keep at bay the guilt. Actually, it struck him as strange that the feeling of guilt had to be the strongest. Harry shrugged mentally, worry would make it’s appearance soon enough, it was only morning after all…
Thinking about the time, Harry tried to keep from counting down. Tonight would be Halloween, and destiny would be knocking on his door, just like it had burst into his parents’ house sixteen years ago…
Regret settled when he thought about what could’ve been, but those thoughts were soon clouded by the all-consuming guilt… He should’ve told her, he owed her that much… The truth…
His seventh year: it had been 16 months now, since he had known about the Prophecy. 15 months since he had been let in to all the Order secrets. He never told his best friends about any of those things. Harry told himself it was for their own protection, for his own protection. They would want to be let in on everything: Ron mostly out of jealousy and thirst for adventure, Hermione out of curiosity and sheer need to help.
But he didn’t tell them anything. He had taken a solemn vow to preserve the Order secrets, after all, and what good would it do to let his friends know his true destiny? They would only end up worrying about the inevitable.
But in all reality, those were just excuses. The lies were out of selfishness. Ron and Hermione didn’t know how bad things actually were. They only knew what had been printed in the Daily Prophet, which was bad enough as it was… But they didn’t know that this night… It would all come down to him and Voldemort.
Harry wasn’t prepared, despite all the additional duelling lessons. What could a seventh year do against a powerful Dark Lord? Throw a Tickling Charm and hope he’d choke on his laughter? There was only one spell, one chance to spare the rest of the world… A spell that would most certainly cost him his life…
Harry didn’t want his friends to know, because he wanted to pass the little time left in relative happiness… With all the lies surrounding him, he didn’t know anymore if even that was a lie. Was he lying to himself now? Were they happy? Was Hermione happy?
Ik denk aan wat je voelt I think about what you’re feeling
Ik denk aan hoe je lacht I think about how you’re smiling
Ik denk aan al die liefde I think of all the love
Die jij aan me hebt gegeven That you have given me
En wat jij verwacht And what you’re expecting
Aan wat je van me denkt What you’re thinking of me
En hoe je voor me leeft And how you’re living for me
What scared him the most, was his fear… Like good old Lupin had told him years ago: his greatest fear was fear itself. Harry Potter, afraid? Perish the thought! But he knew that the moment he would allow himself to think about the future, about what would happen to the ones he loved if he failed… to her…
Fear was paralysing, but Harry had tried to tell himself time and again, that the only failure he could be responsible for, was not taking him out in the process… That had become his only goal now. His life didn’t mean anything anymore, Harry had long since today accepted that fact. All he could hope for was eliminating that thing before he actually died… Hope…
It had been an emotion he’d associated with Hermione’s eyes… He knew she loved him, she believed in him, she trusted him with everything…
Ik ontwijk je ogen I avoid your eyes
Als ze mij willen doorgronden When they want to read me
Telkens als ze naar me kijken Every time they’re locked onto me
Zorg ik dat ik ze net mis I’m careful to look away just in time
Als je voor me staat When you’re before me
Vlucht ik steeds weer in je armen I always escape in your arms
Zodat ik niet kan verraden That way I can’t betray
Wat de waarheid is What the truth is
Harry knew he should’ve left it alone… After the fiasco of Ron confessing his feelings for Hermione, she had finally ran to him… It had been more then a year now, and when things had settled between his two best friends, another confession had surfaced… Hermione loved him…
Harry had never thought about Hermione differently then as a best friend before that, honestly. Of course he’d noticed she was quite pretty, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still the brain of the trio. The girl who’d rather sit in the library then watch a Quidditch game, but attended the sport anyway because her best friends were playing.
Harry hadn’t been able to deny then, what he had somehow been oblivious to all these years before… Hermione cared deeply for him, and he meant everything to her. Her books, her studies, achievement, knowledge… those were important to her still, but in the course of the years, everything, even that had ended up revolving around him.
She had confessed her love one night to him, months ago, and he had never felt that loved before. Delirious on the feeling, he hadn’t want it to ever end. Harry knew it weren’t empty words coming from her, and he’d been flattered, too. Hermione, the most intelligent witch he’d ever met, loved him. He was her everything, and since he knew, since it had downed on him, since he’d ‘seen the light’… he couldn’t let her go…
Hermione had never told him that much in detail, but he saw it in her eyes, he heard it when she told him she loved him. Or worse, when she told him she’d never felt safer then in his arms… He felt it when they were together. She loved him, and he let her. He allowed her to love him, he had started to crave for it. And in the end, he would only cause the destruction of that love. He took, without giving enough in return; he could give her a future, but not one with him…
He had become addicted to her love. Despite the guilt…
Elke dag vertel je mij Every day you tell me
Hoeveel je van me houdt How much you love me
Hoe fijn je leeft in zekerheid How you’re happily living in security
Hoe jij op mij vertrouwt How you trust in me
Tonight he was going to break her heart… One way or the other. He wanted to tell her, before... But he didn’t want her to know…
How do you tell someone… How do you make someone understand, that you’re going to take their world away? That you’re going to rip their heart apart. That their going to lose the person that means most to them?
How was he supposed to make Hermione understand, that he had allowed her to love him, only for her to lose him? How was he supposed to make her understand that he had accepted her very soul, and that in exchange of that, he couldn’t give her his, since his soul didn’t belong to him in the first place.
And how was he supposed to let her forgive him, with the knowledge that he could’ve stopped all that pain from happening? How was he to explain to her, what the price was for loving him?
Hoe vertel je iemand How do you tell someone
Dat de aarde niet meer rond is? That the earth doesn’t go round anymore?
Dat de vogels niet meer vliegen? That birds stopped flying?
En de zon niet langer schijnt And the sun doesn’t shine any longer
Hoe vertel ik jou How do I tell you
Dat 't leven dat je leefde That the life you’ve been living
En de liefde die je voelde And the love you’ve been feeling
Binnenkort verdwijnt Will soon disappear
Je raakt me kwijt You’re losing me
How was he supposed to say he was sorry, when he couldn’t regret loving her?
Je raakt me kwijt You’re losing me
't Is de waarheid It’s the truth
***
Ok, PLEASE review? I need to know if this was any good?
Disclaimer: HP characters obviously aren’t mine, they belong to our Goddess JK Rowling… Neither is the song, it belongs to Clouseau: Afscheid van een vriend
So, since my first attempt at a song-fic went so well, I decided to sequel ‘The Truth’ with this one… and I know it’s a Dutch song… again… The translation is still right beside every line! You know, I’m trying to spread a bit of Dutch culture to the world out there…
The song before was by a famous singer from the Netherlands. And though us Flemish guys from Belgium like him very much, you should know that there are very talented artists in our little part of the world also… So this fic’s based on a song from Clouseau, and I think it’s safe to say they are one of the most famous bands here in West-Europe… (well, one can always dream…) Anyway, this song may not be one of their greatest hits, but it has been proven that when performed on stage not a cheek in the concert hall stays dry. It’s one of the most simple but moving songs I’ve ever heard to say goodbye to a friend…
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Afscheid van een vriend (Goodbye to a friend)
Ron paced the Hogwarts’ Hospital Ward. Currently, his two best friends were lying there… It had already been a week.
Cursing the day he let himself befriend those two, he couldn’t help but feel what seemed a big hole where his heart should’ve been.
He felt like his world would end right now. Which was ironic when you thought of it, really… since the whole of the magical community was still celebrating the saved world right this instant… Curse them all! They didn’t care about the sacrifices made!
Ron had stood by Harry’s side for such a long time, and yet, in the end, it hadn’t been enough. Though Ron had lost everything he thought was important before, by knowing Harry, he’d lose even more by Harry dying… Ron had lost his blind faith that the good would always win, his first love, his chance at shining out amongst theirs, and a lot more by being close to Harry. But Harry had given so much more in return, and he’d been oblivious to the real preciousness of their friendship for so long…
He supposed he should have been ready for this to happen. Being friends with Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived was supposed to be risky that way… But now he realised more then ever, that even if your head knows that you could lose this friend, it will never prepare you for what your heart feels the instant you do…
Alles is voorgoed gedaan Everything’s forever over
Als jij er klaar voor bent If you’re ready for it
'k Heb aan je zijde gestaan I’ve been by your side
Mijn God, ik heb je graag gekend My God, I’ve loved knowing you
The Healers had lost hope, Harry Potter wasn’t supposed to have survived the spell he’d cast in the first place… It was a miracle that he had been living this long, already. A miracle? It had been Hermione’s doing… As for living? Ron didn’t call what Harry had been doing this past week living.
They told him he should go on and say his goodbyes…
What did that mean anyway? Harry wasn’t conscious, how could he be hearing anything Ron said? And what was he supposed to say? Have a good trip on your next great adventure, mate!?
Cursing again, he ran out of people and other entities to be angry at…
Luna had once said that the people that died resided just behind the veil, that they were waiting for all of their loved ones there. Ron had joked around and said he’d see Harry there when one of Trelawny’s foretellings would come true. Was that real? Was he to meet Harry there? Would Harry be waiting for them there?
Ik blijf nu hier jij gaat naar daar I’m staying here now, you’re going there
En daar is niet zover van hier And there is not so far from here
We spreken af, ik weet niet waar We make an appointment, I don’t know where
En daar ontmoeten we elkaar And there we meet each other
How could he survive this? How could he just say goodbye? He wasn’t ready; he still had to yell at Harry for keeping him in the dark. Dumbledore had told him everything: Harry knew he was going to die. He knew and he hadn’t told him…
How could Ron say goodbye when Harry hadn’t? How could Ron ever let go? Enough to be able to say goodbye?
And Hermione? How was he supposed to console her?
Damn her for her intelligence. She had seen it… too late, but she’d still read through Harry’s lies, just before the inevitable happened… And she…
Ron couldn’t help the angry tears that escaped him. Hermione had not accepted it. She never was one for Divination, and she had fought it. Not by falling on her knees sobbing and begging Harry to stay safe. No, that wasn’t Hermione, she had ran to the library, knocked over Pince in the process, and then…
Nobody was sure how she had managed it, since it was rumoured to be impossible, but she had transferred her powers into Harry. Nobody knew how she had known which spell Harry was going to use, and how she had managed to send her strength to him to keep him from dying on the spot. And Hermione wasn’t telling. All they knew was that Harry had destroyed the very essence of Voldemort, somehow surviving his own lethal curse because of something Hermione had done.
Hermione, Ron loved her despite her choosing Harry. Of course, once he saw how much they loved each other, he had realised he could never love Hermione the way she deserved… That didn’t stop him from threatening his friend with a good walloping if he ever hurt her! Come to think of it, Harry better never wake up, because after what he put them through, he was going to get a serious ass-kicking!
Ron looked at the time… Why didn’t time stop? Or slow down? The bloody world’s saviour was about to get kick out of this life and all time could do was going on? Was that what they were supposed to do? Accept and move on?
It wasn’t fair! The world would be changing now! The dark menace was gone, and everything was being rebuild. Harry more then anyone had the right to live now!
He should be living! Getting to know what life was without the constant threat of getting killed the next minute! Damnit, why couldn’t he just get up! Why did he of all people had to die, now that… Now that…
Ron angrily wiped his at his eyes with his sleeves.
Zonder jou tikt de klok even snel Without you time goes by as fast as always
Maar de tijden veranderen wel But the times do change
Dus ik neem afscheid, jij moet nu gaan So I say goodbye, you have to go now
Weet dat je in m'n hart altijd blijft voortbestaan Know that in my heart, you’ll go on existing
They had tried to explain it to Ron: Harry deserved peace. He had earned the right to rest. They were going to take of the Healing spells because they weren’t helping, they only caused him to battle with his own body…
Ron didn’t understand all the medical crap, he only knew this: Harry was going to die tomorrow and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it!
Fighting the urge to go to Hermione, he put his hand on the door handle. They had decided to wait until the last moment to tell Hermione. She was still recovering from her spell, and they didn’t want to upset her, yet… Ron shook his head deeply saddened: it wouldn’t matter when they told her… A part of her was going to die anyway, just like a part of him was crumbling that right moment.
Finally he walked into the private room. Harry was there on the bed. It frustrated Ron that no matter how still Harry lay there, unconscious, he was still not at rest… Harry seemed… troubled, even if there was no physical sign of his unrest, it came off in waves from his body…
Slaap zacht, je hebt het verdiend Sleap soft, you’ve earned it
Je vocht tot aan je laatste zucht You fought ‘til your last sigh
En ga, ga nu m'n vriend Go on now, go my friend
En droom voor eeuwig opgelucht And dream, forever relieved
Seeing Harry like this brought many memories. Countless times he had been there, at the bedside of his mate. If it wasn’t in the aftermath of yet another encounter with Voldemort, it was after a Quidditch game, or an encounter with some Dementors, or worse slimy Slytherins.
But there was one big difference now: Harry wasn’t going to make it. He and Hermione would have to be finding out how they would overcome this, deserted by their rock… The one who had always been true in his friendship. Even if he’d lied to them, Ron knew Harry never betrayed them in his heart… The blasted bloke wasn’t capable of that…
And Harry would go on… To where? Behind the veil? Did he have his parents waiting for him there? And Sirius? Somehow Ron couldn’t deny Harry would manage just fine, like he always did… He would be loved there, he had always been loved by the people who were waiting for him there, even through the times that he was neglected by the Dursleys…
Harry wouldn’t be needing his and Hermione’s help where he’d be going. He’d be welcomed there, taken in, cared after, at peace…
Net zoals vroeger kom je wel terecht Like always, you’ll manage
Ik weet je vindt een thuis heel gauw I know you’ll find a home very soon
En ik herhaal wat jij me ooit hebt gezegd And I repeat what you’ve told me once
In m'n hart blijf ik je trouw My heart will always be true to you
Ron stood there, looking at his best mate, his brother… Harry had become more of a brother to him then even his own by blood… It was just something about the boy, no man… Harry had always been the sum of all contradictions to him. Fragile, and yet stronger then anyone he’d met before.
Hermione… the two of them had always seemed to complement each other in their friendship for Harry. Where Ron had understood Harry, in a way only two blokes understood each other, Hermione had always been able to get Harry in a way that still escaped him…
For that matter, the same applied to him. Despite her exclamations that he didn’t make any sense to her, sometimes she just got him, often when he didn’t even make sense to himself… She just was that way, and it’s how she managed to keep Harry from dying time and time again…
Zonder jou tikt de klok even snel Without you time goes by as fast as always
Maar de tijden veranderen wel But the times do change
Dus ik neem afscheid, jij moet nu gaan So I say goodbye, you have to go now
Weet dat je in m'n hart altijd blijft voortbestaan Know that in my heart, you’ll go on existing
Letting go of his anger, Ron let the tears fall free now… Anger had kept him from feeling what this was about: the goodbye to a friend…
Regret, sorrow, fear, pain… It all came crashing down on him. The emotions were so strong it hurt physically, so much… Harry’s life had never been fair. Why should his end be?
En ik weet, ik zou dankbaar moeten zijn And I know I should be thankful to you
Maar precies daarom doet het zo'n pijn But that’s exactly why it hurts so much
‘Thank you for your friendship, Harry’
***
Disclaimer: HP characters obviously aren’t mine, they belong to our Goddess JK Rowling… As for the plot of this story, what Hermione is about to do… I got that idea from a trilogy I once read, written by Juliet Marillier… It’s from the second book, Son of the Shadows (first one’s: Daughter of the Forest; last one’s: Child of the Prophecy) Really great fantasy works! The song isn’t mine, I’m not sure who it belongs to…
So, it’s a Dutch song again… It’s sung by one of our Pop Idol contestants. So while the two songs before were from very accomplished, and known singers in this corner of the world, this one’s a very ‘fresh’ artist. I don’t think he wrote it personally, but it’s a great song anyway: Ik Hoor Bij Jou, performed by Wim Soutaer.
As for how you can find the actual songs, well I guess you could always try getting them illegally through Kazaa or something like that, but I’m not really promoting that… As for actually buying the cd’s, I have no idea how you could come by them from the States… I suppose you could always ask at a music shop, or surf the net for mail order or something like that… But I assure you, anything from Clouseau or Marco Borsato, and you can’t go wrong (you know: Marco won the best song contest 9 years in a row at the TMF awards: that’s kind of like the MTV awards, but for the Netherlands, and you should know they’ve only held TMF awards for 9 years… so that IS saying something… and Clouseau has been getting hits ever since I was a little girl, and they’re still ‘in’!) As for the reviewer who gets to go to Germany, that’s actually one of our ‘neighbours’ (both of Belgium and the Netherlands), so I guess you could find a compilation cd of at least one of the two there… But in Germany they speak (and sing) German, so I can’t guarantee they’ll have those Dutch songs there… But hey! Germany’s got some interesting music artists, like Nena something, the woman from 99 Luftballons, and there are other great performers, only I’m not that familiar with the those…
Voor de Nederlandstaligen en de Vlaamstaligen ;-) : ja ik ben Belgische, geboren en getogen in Oost-Vlaanderen. Ik weet dat sommige personen vinden dat onze Vlaamse en Nederlandse liedjes niet kunnen tippen aan de commerciële Engelse liedjes… Ik wou juist aantonen dat wij even goed sterke nummers hebben! En voor de reviewer die bang was dat ik Eddy Wally zou kiezen voor het laatste… Kijk, ik ben er van overtuigd dat onze Vlaamse chansonnier zijn waarde heeft in zijn eigen stijl. Jammer genoeg kan ik dat alleen ‘boere-leute-tralala’ noemen, dus alsjeblieft! Met ander woorden: het is helemaal mijn smaak niet (om niet te zeggen dat ik het persoonlijk nogal van zeer laag niveau vind…) Marco en ons Clouseau’tje zijn toch wel van merkelijke hogere kwaliteit, komaan zeg! Wat zou ik dan moeten kiezen voor zo’n serieuze fic? ‘Ik spring uit een vliegmachine’, ‘Chérie’, of nog beter: ‘Als marktkramer ben ik geboren’? Ik ben hier dus sarcastisch bezig voor wie het niet door had! Geef me toch nog de voordeel van de twijfel, ja? Of ik schrijf een fic met Jo Vally liedjes alleen om de mensen te kl***ten! Sorry voor de taal… Allé, ik hoop dat ik niemand heb gebruuskeerd (ook de Eddy Wally fans niet), maar het moest er even uit!
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For the confused non-Dutch speaking part of readers: I was just settling an issue… Too complicated to explain if you don’t know who ‘Eddy Wally’ is… (and in my opinion, you’re better off not really knowing the man, and I mean that without wanting to hurt his fans)
Now back to the fic… You may think a song like Tony Braxton’s Unbreak my heart, or Céline Dion’s Because you loved me, soundtrack from Up close and personal, or even better: My heart will go on from Titanic… would’ve been more appropriate for this chapter… But that just isn’t Hermione (in my mind), sorry… But if you prefer those, you can always put them on reading this…
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Ik hoor bij jou (I belong with you)
Hermione was trying to breath for the moment.
She had failed… She had failed Harry… She had just totally and utterly failed…
No! This couldn’t happen, not to Harry. He couldn’t die! He was supposed to live his happily ever after, his future…
How could she have failed him? She loved him, and it had taken her long enough to admit it to him… Their love had changed her completely. She had never known the possibilities of simply living, enjoying the love, after she had shared her soul with him. Over the years she’d known him, everything became different, every day was a new kind of beginning…
Now there would only be endings…
Should she have not told him she loved him? Would he have trusted her then as simply a best friend and would he have told her what he was planning to do? Had their love changed their trust in each other?
Ik adem I breath
ik adem alle mogelijkheden in I breath in all possibilities
en breng m'n leven naar een nieuw begin And bring my life to a new beginning
klaar voor verandering in mij Ready for the change in me
Ages ago, she’d found books on Ancient Magic, and had memorized the content by habit… That’s how she had been able to recognise the preparations he was making that day…
She wasn’t sure why he was casting all those powerful spells on his aura, but when the evening grew closer and Voldemort came knocking on their door, she had understood…
Running through options, she had been quick to come up with a plan. A flawed one, and a dangerous one… But it was the only plan she’d got… She could use the spells he’d put on himself, to channel her own strength in the ancient ways…
But it hadn’t been enough… It only made Harry into a vegetable… instead of dead.
And it killed her… It killed her to see him like this.
She had snuck out of her own private room in the Hospital Wing, and had seen Ron come out of Harry’s room. That’s how she’d known: they were going to let go of their hero…
She had seen it in Ron’s look, despite the reluctant acceptance, there had been a great loneliness glaring in his eyes… And Hermione was smart enough to know…
She was going to be alone again… Even more so then before, since now she knew what she’d be missing…
He never even said goodbye…
Over Over
over alle hindernissen heen Beyond all obstacles
ik voel me sinds een tijd niet meer alleen Since some time I’m not that alone any more
de reden ben jij And the reason is you
Hermione remembered a random event… It seemed so far away… It was long before Harry had known anything about her feelings. Before Ron had even remotely liked her… It had been around the time she had still been able to deny the certain attraction she had for Harry.
Her emotions concerning Harry had been strong from the first time she heard about him. Reading to know as much as she could of the world she would be a part of, she had been relieved when she had met The Boy Who Lived. He was just a normal kid, even a bit geeky, nothing mythical about him.
The sweet, shy boy had surprised her when he’d took off on his broomstick, risking expulsion for a boy he wasn’t even really friends with, and who wasn’t even there to witness it. She had thought him an idiot at first, but the truth was… she had been jealous. She wished she could’ve done something to help Neville, she wished she could’ve stand up to little Malfoy from the start… And most of all, she’d wished she had someone backing her up, when they made fun of her…
Of course she had been miffed when they had rewarded Harry’s disobedience by making him Seeker, but it had also been then when she started feeling the need to be close to him. As a ten year old, that translated in wanting to have a bit of his attention. She had heard he knew close to nothing about his family, and she showed him his father’s Quidditch trophy. The intense look in Harry’s eyes when he saw the trophy had cemented something for Hermione.
From then on part of her had been wandering, searching for something. Searching to make him happy, to take care of him, to see that he was ready to survive what life continued to throw at him, to show him what love was… That part of her had been restless and blind, and had grown to be like a big maze inside her head.
Until the moment she knew she loved him, and he loved her…
Ik heb al veel te lang gezworven I’ve already wandered too long
door een doolhof in mijn hoofd Through a maze in my head
ik rende weg van alle keuzes I ran from all choices
met een radeloos geloof With inadvisable faith
maar de hemel trekt zich open But heaven opens itself up
en de zon verjaagt de kou And the sun chases away the cold
Back and the here and now, she looked down. Glancing upon his face she was trembling, she felt cold to the bone. Her bare feet were glued to the stone floor next to his bed. He looked so still, but not peaceful in the least. How could that be?
Didn’t he want to live? Had he nothing to fight for? Why did she feel so selfish wanting him to fight for her?
Oh, she did… Hermione felt her heart break with the possibility of losing him for good… Her chest constricted again, and she had to fight to keep getting enough oxygen in her blood… Why had she failed him? Was she fated to lose him?
Since when did she believe in fate? Sure that stupid Prophecy that had Harry trapped for life turned out to be somewhat right, though it didn’t say Harry had to die as well. That was just Harry’s choice by firing that lethal spell. Only Merlin himself was rumoured to have survived casting it. And only a handful druids from long times past were rumoured to have succeeded in casting it in the first place!
But all these things weren’t even facts! Just rumours and foretelling. And even though Dumbledore had believed the Prophecy was true, she sure wasn’t obligated to suddenly believe! Hermione had principles, and even the more known ‘true’ Seers had always been vague enough to leave room for interpretation!
So where did that leave her?
want ik weet nu Because I know now
ik hoor I belong
ik hoor bij jou I belong with you
Hermione came to a quick decision.
She wasn’t going to let go of the person who made her complete! Not without one hell of a fight!
He deserved to live, and she belonged to him.
She wouldn’t admit to failure until she had tried everything, even if it killed her!
Ik ben bezeten I’m possessed
bezeten van de waarheid in je stem Possessed by the truth in your voice
het is alsof ik in de liefde zwem It is as if I’m swimming in love
m'n toekomst ben jij My future is you
Pushing back any hesitation, she started to disrobe. What she was about to do went against every rational part of her mind. Despite this, her resolve to cross over to the ‘Looney-believers’ felt right in a strange instinctive way.
Her heart beating slowly but loudly, she trembled as she took the sheets from Harry. Though she had seen him without clothes, rarely, but it had occurred, it seemed surreal to be in that situation like this.
According to ancient myth, she quickly threw around some spells, cancelling a couple of the medical once the healers had set up. Though Harry remained motionless, his aura sent out pain, and Hermione knew he was suffering wherever his mind was right now.
Climbing in the bed next to him, she carefully slid her naked body over his. They both felt so cold, and she grabbed the sheet to bring it back over her back. Trying to get as much skin to touch she whispered one last incantation…
Ik ben verlost nu I’m free now
de deur is open The door is open
de weg volledig vrij The way is completely cleared
twijfels liggen weer achter mij Doubts are again behind me
Hermione tried to keep her calm. A part of her knew this was utterly ridiculous of her. The chances of this working were slim to none, and the ramifications if they were to find her here like this with their saviour, together in the buff… she could not allow herself to think about that.
Desperate for this to work, she envisioned situations that made her quell her worries. A part of her brain was mocking her, telling her this would never work, and that she wasn’t that brilliant to have suddenly found how to cure death… or near-death anyway…
Slowly she felt her body relax into the one under her. Feeling Harry so close and wanting to warm every part of his soul was all she wished to do. Awareness of her skin beginning to stick faded, and she felt like waking, instead she wasn’t awake…
De zee is rustig en m'n haven is in zicht The see is calm and my haven is in sight
vanuit het donker naar het felle noorderlicht Out of the dark towards the glaring northern light
vanaf de bergen kijk ik uit over het dal From the mountains I watch out over the dale
jij redt m'n wereld na een vrije val You save my world from freefalling
Frowning Hermione blinked away the glaringly bright light. The scene before her eyes confused her. It seemed to be her and Harry, dancing around through leafs from an autumn day, carefree. The way they were behaving to each other warmed Hermione’s heart. She hoped this was really how other people saw them when they were together, because if she would be objective about this, it was obvious they loved each other immensely…
There was only one thing not quite right about this picture: this had never happened. Now that she looked more closely, she realised they both looked different… Like they were older… Had she succeeded? Was she inside of Harry’s soul? Was that how he envisioned them both?
Taking her eyes away from the happy couple she squinted around to see where she was. As soon as she’d done that though, the scenery changed. Gone were the trees, instead a street with orderly arranged houses striking Hermione as familiar. She felt a need to approach one of these houses, number four.
The front door opened immediately upon her proximity, showing a little hallway and stairs…
Suddenly she stood in front of a little door. A door that granted access to the cupboard under the stairs…
Ik heb al veel te lang gezworven I’ve already wandered too long
door een doolhof in mijn hoofd Through a maze in my head
ik rende weg van alle keuzes I ran from all choices
met een radeloos geloof With inadvisable faith
maar de hemel trekt zich open But heaven opens itself up
en de zon verjaagt de kou And the sun chases away the cold
“Who are you?”
The little Harry, who couldn’t have been more then seven looked at her cautiously. He didn’t really seem upset that a seventeen year old witch was taking in the limited space of his little room, if you could call it that. He looked more curious then scared, and his innocent green eyes were watching her intently. The surprise was too much for her.
“Harry!?”
Now he did look scared: “Shh!” Clamping his little hand on her mouth he shushed her and seemed to be tensely listening for any noise… When he waited a satisfactory while, he relaxed a bit and looked at her questioningly again.
Hermione whispered: “Who are we hiding from? Voldemort?”
Little Harry just looked confused about that: “No… we’re hiding from the people who don’t love we…” As an afterthought he added, shrugging: “Which is pretty much everyone, I guess” Looking at Hermione’s shocked face, he explained matter-of-factly: “Nobody wants me, I’m a freak”
Hermione gently reached out and touched the child’s cheek: “Do you really believe that?”
Little Harry just looked at her like he dared her to prove the opposite.
Tears rolled from Hermione cheeks: “I love you so much, Harry,” Her breath hitched and sobs interrupted her speech: “Please come back to me? Please, I belong with you…”
And with that, she engulfed the little tyke in a hug, trying to transfer all the love she felt for him into that simple but powerful gesture.
Want ik weet nu Because I know now
ik hoor I belong
ik hoor bij jou I belong with you
Slowly Hermione felt the little figure in her arms slip away from her. Opening her eyes in panic, she saw a change of scenery, again.
Hermione didn’t recognise this space either, they seemed to be in the middle of a field with bright yellow flowers, wind playing softly through her hair. She was in the arms of Harry Potter, who was looking at her sadly. Was this goodbye?
“I love you”
Not knowing who said it, but certain they both meant it, a soul-binding kiss followed.
She was where she belonged…
***
I hope you don’t hate me too much, but I can’t bring myself to be as optimistic as believing Harry could miraculously survive death twice… Maybe that makes me a bitter cynic, but at the same time I can’t bring myself to stop hoping that he will survive when love’s at his side… So that would make me a twisted kind of love-fool.
You know it’s like: you know people are capable of cruel and despicable things, history is full of such testimonies. But I can’t bring myself to stop hoping that every person has good in him or her, and that if they used their free will concentrating on love, a lot of good could be done by all…
That’s also why I don’t want to explicitly write the outcome: it’s for each of you to make out for yourself. Are you the kind of person who would roll his eyes and proclaim it wishful thinking if I make Harry survive in this story? Or are you the kind of person who would be extremely sad and so mad at me for not letting Harry survive?
The good has already conquered: Voldemort is vanquished. Does that mean love has yet to conquer death? Does Harry have to survive for love to conquer death? What sacrifices would you be willing to make? Is love going to die because Harry is? Or will it go on, no matter what, or even get stronger despite death separating them? Is a martyr a stronger symbol of love, then a breathing hero?
Ok, I’m getting a little too philosophical, here… Sorry…
But please review, and tell me what you thought of it?
Hey everyone,
First of all: thank you so much for the reviews... Needed to get that of my chest, it really means a lot!
Secondly, well, I've been swamped with questions about how I should write a proper ending, and not just let everyone be philosophical about it...
I read the reviews forthe fic and allow me to just say this:the title, 'The End', has a specific meaning... as innobody knows what the End will be… (ok, I'm annoying, I know, but just think about it…)
I had every intention to leave the fic at that. Not only do I feel totally inept to decide whether or not Harry should survive, I love the philosophy things...
Did you all notice most reviewers just assume Harry dies? What does that say about us? That we have given up on optimism and that we are living in a world without hope for little miracles? Are we afraid to think positive? Or do we just not dare expressing our deepest hope that love will conquer in the end? That this makes us vulnerable thinking that, let alone speaking up like that? In a world where politics rule and despite our democracy, survival of the fittest (richest) is still a fact, have we not only lost faith in some or the other God, but also lost faith in ourselves?
Ok, again, I'm on a philosophical rampage, sorry… But it's just that this loss in innocence, just not leaving the possibility open that something good could happen… has that become being 'realistic'? Isn't that sad?
Unfortunately I'm prey of this way of thinking too. I won't hide it: a part of me didn't want to write an ending just because I don't like being thought of as naïve… But, to put to rest any more angsty feelings, I decided to let you know what I think should happen:
So it ends with them kissing in Harry's soul'-projection-thing where Hermione was able to penetrate. He believes it is goodbye, but Hermione, as stubborn as she is, convinces him it's worth fighting it. She acknowledges he deserves peace, but implores him to stall that inevitable moment just a while longer.
Logic and emotion are on the same side here, and Hermione gets her dearest wish.
They don't live happily ever after, but they do overcome all obstacles in life, together. Many complications, heartbreak, overall difficult times await them, but they always manage to not lose each other in the middle of the storm called life, and work it out together.
At one point in life one will have to go earlier than the other, leaving the one behind alone, carrying the memory of their love. When the time is right the other of the two will find peace at last too, and their love will be remembered by the ones they left behind…
Now I could go on, saying they had six daughters and one son, who had all disaster-hair, wore glasses, were smart, and good at Quidditch, and then they each married one of the Weasley grandchildren, and the powerfulPotter-Weasley clan ruled over a justwizarding world!
But this is a bit mocking the concept ;-p
Anyway, this is notTHE ending for the fic, just my thoughts on how I would like it to end. And since I'm the author, it would've been the real end, wereI not positively happy to be a pain in the a**!
This may seem strange, or maybe a crazy author-whim, but the story with its three chapters was finished, and even if I want it to end this way or that, it doesn't mean anything for the real story.
Hope you can appreciate the complex beauty of simple things like an open ending...