Torn

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or plot associated with Harry Potter.

Chapter 1

** Hermione's POV **

I should be happy. In fact, yes, I am happy. It's not everyday that a girl is proposed to.

But, I just don't think I am as happy as I should be.

It was everything a girl could have dreamed for. A warm summer day at the park followed by picnic by the beach. After the picnic, we strolled along the shore in moon light. He got down on one knee, held out the ring and proposed in song. It was devastatingly romantic.

But something was wrong.

It wasn't Harry.

Sure, Theo is a wonderful man. He really is. He is a little unorthodox, mind you, but wonderful none-the-less. You can say that I learned long ago not to judge people by how they look.

I can still remember the first time I brought him to meet Ron, Ginny and most importantly Harry.

And the shock that was plastered onto their faces.

He buzzed up with a scrappy sex pistols t-shirt and a pair of ‘way too old' jeans. He kept in his eyebrow ring, but decided to wear his glasses instead of his contacts because it made him look more ‘civilized' opposed to his shaggy Mohawk that he insists must naturally grow out.

I know what you are thinking, I have finally gone crazy.

But before you judge, in his left hand he had, a bouquet of hand picked daisies and a branch of his parent's dogwood tree (which was 20 minutes out of the way, but he was still on time) and a heart warming smile on his face.

Maybe that's why I said yes. I know that no one else will ever go through so much trouble for me. No one else will ever say ‘I love you' for no reason. No one else will ever enchant flowers to my desk because Tuesday is tulip day. No on e else will ever write a song, just for me and me alone. No one else is Harry.

I knew that they were expecting the white collared, stuck up oxford boys that I usually bring to meet the friends.

But I was tired of them all.

Tired of the bar scene.

Tired of the snooty ministry type.

Tired of the insecure jerks.

I was tired of hoping Harry would come around and sweep me off my feet.

It is pretty silly of me to hold on to a silly infatuation for 7 years. But I knew it was time to let go when he responded to my confession.

It was 3 months before the end of 7 th year. Coincidentally, it was also just after the defeat of Voldemort. I don't believe I have ever been more relieved to find out that he survived. I knew deep down in my heart that he would make it, but there comes the time when your logic clashes with your instincts. Through out the entire war, I have never been more scared in my life.

I was afraid that he would die without knowing how I felt.

Maybe that wouldn't have been such a horrible thing.

He was still sleeping when I came in. His wounds were still unhealed, bones still broken, bruises still present. Yet he had this beautiful peaceful look on him. He had never looked better in my eyes. Of course, I couldn't really see because they were clouded by my tears. I remember I held on to his hand so tightly that night as a fell asleep beside him, waiting for him to arouse.

That very morning, I woke up to someone bumping me awake. Harry.

“ Good morning sleepyhead ” he said with a lopsided grin.

I wasn't able to contain myself and I just flung my arm around him, sobbing. My hand was still clutching his. I couldn't contain myself. He was awake.

“Harry… you're… Voldemort… you… alive…”

Crying does not make your thoughts more coherent.

We must have stayed like that for hours. He kept on whispering comforting words in my ear to hopefully stop my crying while brushing my hair with his fingers like a child. And somewhere between my chokes of breath, I said it.

“I love you so much”

Then I felt it.

He stiffened. His fingers immediately withdrew from my hair. His other squirmed out of my hand.

Then I heard it.

“Uh, Hermione… I think we should just stay friends. I don't think I see you in that kind of light.”

My genuine smile from seeing Harry awake staggered, but I managed to plaster on a fake before he noticed.

“I meant as my best friend, silly. Who would want to be with you?” My fake smile still stuck on my face. Fortunately it was enough at that moment to keep me from crying again.

“Oh thank god, I thought we had a problem there for a moment.”

I would have probably been able to survive the day a little better if he didn't have such a huge sign of relief right then.

“Don't worry. We are fine.”

Fine. They should probably change the definition of that word in the dictionary.

And he smiled.

So, everything stayed the same, the way things were. Or at least, I tried to keep it the same. I can't exactly continue to fawn over him after we declared eternal friendship and only friendship.

But thinking back on it still stings. The pain never could go away. Every night when I thought I was healing, he would bring some random ‘one-night-chippie' to his room and occasionally he would forget the silencing charm. That's the minus of living with your best male friends. That is also the reason why you move out.

I have always wanted to be that chippie he brought home. Even if it was only for one night. But it never happened, and never will.

I really didn't expect to end up with Theo. I thought it would only take 2 weeks before he would brush me off like Harry did to all his Quidditch fan girls.

But Theo didn't.

He saw me. He saw right through me. And he loves me. He truly loves me.

That's why I said yes.

***

Author's note: This is the re-write of my other story, Alcohol...
I didn't expect myself to actually finish the chapter today. But since i did, you get it now.
I hope you liked it better than before.
And please review when finished reading. Thank-you

~ Creepy Susie

AN: Hello everybody! I'm here with a new chapter. I am very surprised at how quickly I'm updating, but let me tell you this now. Don't get used to it. School is just a little brutal right now. Because I am an extremely lazy person, I will not respond to every review, but if you have questions, I will reply to them. I just have to say that I absolutely love reviews. I'll find myself on campus, studying during my breaks and I'll have a huge urge to go to the labs just to see if there are any new reviews. They really help in the inspiration process. So the more reviews I get, the more the wheels turn, so please take the time to respond. Thanks

• Cheering Charm: It does sound a little AU doesn't it? I'll try to write the following chapters with some more details from the book. It's not supposed to be AU.

• Jenna Kathleen: I didn't want Harry to realize he loved her from a previous confession. You will see what I mean in this chapter. Plus I wanted to give Hermione a little face when Harry ‘turns her down'.

** Harry's POV **

I have been driving for the last 2 hours. I think I have circled Big Ben for the 4 th time tonight.

The clock is flashing 01:27.

Ron called my cell. He finally learned to use it. I guess it's not that easy to floo in a car and the owls may be a bit conspicuous.

He thinks I have gone completely mental.

‘Why drive the muggle death-trap contraption when you can apparate perfectly?'

There are some things Ron will never understand.

I enjoy my long drives. It's just something that I have picked up. It gives me the time to think about all those things that I never had time to contemplate before. You know, with the whole ‘Voldemort is trying to kill me' thing.

I should be happy for her. I really should be.

But I'm not.

I am a horrible human being. The one time when my best friend has found happiness, I cannot even find it in my heart to wish her happiness.

It should be me marrying her.

I am horrible, I tell you.

It started this morning when I received Hermione's owl.

Dear Harry,

I have BIG news to tell everyone. Please make time from your busy ‘social' schedule to make it to my flat at 5:30. Tell Ron, Ginny and Neville if he's back from his mission.

With love,

Hermione

I don't know what bothers me more, her assumption of my social life or her engagement.

I cannot say that I am not to blame for her assumption.

It started just after the war and I got used to people calling me the boy-who-lived. I got a lot of attention.

Some good, some not so good

I just kind of let go. I didn't fuckin' care if people talked or anything.

Girls wanted to fuck the boy-who-killed-Voldemort and I let them.

It sounds much more vulgar than it actually is.

I was an emotionally, and sexually frustrated teenager. At that point in my life, I was more than willing to lose my virginity. I wish I hadn't, I fell into the loop.

I just couldn't stay in a relationship. I tried. I really tried. But they were lacking some quality that I just couldn't quite put my finger on at the time. Some of them were smart, some of them funny, some were both.

It was just sex. Nothing else.

It was hard for me (no pun intended) because I knew I didn't love any of them.

They weren't Hermione. Of course I don't realize it until much later.

That's what happens when you don't know what you want. Now that I know what I want, it's too late.

Life is so unfair.

I don't know when I started, but I think it was sometime when her relationship with Theo started getting serious.

I just knew that none of her other suitors could have really gotten anywhere with her. They were too… how would you address ‘boring and dull' in the nicest way possible?

More than many of them were the not much unlike the scum you would scrape off from a bar stool. And more than many times have Ron and I offered to ‘teach' some certain ex-boyfriends some manners.

And then there was Theo.

Theo.

I don't like that guy. But of course, who likes the boyfriend of the one you are madly in love with?

He just walked in like some hippie offspring, punk rock music loving, Ozzy Osbourne loving…

I don't know.

Truth is... I can't hate the guy. He's just too damn likable. Lavender and Ginny fawn over him. Ron is in awe of him (His dad owns the Chorley Cannons). And Hermione is in love with him.

He's just the catalyst that made me realize how much I love Hermione. But he is also the obstacle that is keeping me from her.

I don't know how it happened. She was always there when I needed her.

Every time a nasty rumor arouse, every time I was slapped in the face, every time I captured a snitch. She was always there through the good and the bad.

Why would she do such a thing, silly girl.

It's very true when they say you don't know what you have until you see it leave.

I just thought it would never happen to me.

I mean bloody hell! I was the fucking boy-that-lived. You think that they would let me catch a break in life.

How many times do I have to lose the ones I love?

First it was mum and dad, then Sirius, and now, Hermione.

It's my own bloody fault.

I have done nothing but taken her for granted. I knew she had some sort of feelings for me since Hogwarts. I think I realized it when I woke up from after the battle. She was sleeping so peacefully and clutching to my hand so tightly I thought I had to call Madam Comfrey for some more scale-grow.

I am such a jackass. I still remember how horrid I was to her when she told me she loved me.

Grade 'A' Jackass.

I didn't see it then. I was so bloody blind.

I always thought that she would be my unspoken backup. You know, in case I grow to be 40 and still no relationship kind of thing. So in other words, I used her.

I kept hoping that nothing good will ever come along for her so I will always have her. So I will always have this dominance over her.

Grade ‘A' jackass bastard.

I am the type of guy that I should be beating up for breaking her heart.

Look at what I have become.

I'm sure mum and dad are real proud.

I keep having these imaginary thoughts of going up to her and confessing everything. I just want to go up to her and shake some sense into her.

“DON'T MARRY HIM HERMIONE!!! YOU LOVE ME, NOT HIM!!”

Then I wake up finding myself behind the wheel.

So bloody selfish.

But I cannot bring myself to do that to her. I am not spoiling her one chance to happiness. I cannot jeopardize her emotions by adding in a wild card. Not that it would matter.

She's in love with Theo. Not me. Not anymore.

I had my chance.

And I blew it.

AN: I hoped you liked this chapter. It wrote 2 versions of it but I didn't like either of them so I got fed up and chose the better one. But I am still not 100% happy with it, but it serves its purpose. Review please!! I thrive on reviews!!!

AN: I am so sorry for the short chapter, but I couldn't get anymore out from it. I just have some things to clear up. I realized that I spelt Pomfrey and Chudley wrong. Sorry… Spell check's an ass. And thank you for all the reviews!! J

• Forest : I am sooooo sorry if you took the oxford comment the wrong way. I have absolutely nothing against people that go to Oxford . Actually the term oxford, in the sense that when I use it, represents the polo shirt wearing, spoiled, rich, bratty, snooty people that I know. I added that term in for my friends because I thought it would have been funny for them. It was a total inside joke. I didn't expect anyone to take it the wrong way. BTW, the oxford stands for the white oxford shirts that those people wear. Me and my friends just noticed that they wear them way too often. Sorry about that.

** Ron's POV **

He's late. But of course, he is always late.

One thing I have learned from my displeasure of meeting Oliver Wood is that Quidditch practices will go as long as they have to, even if you have a friend waiting for you during their lunch break.

I have big new.

Well, I always have some sort of ‘Oh merlin! This is huge!' news.

I am turning in to Ginny.

But this isn't the type of news that I should flaunt around. Hell, I'm not even supposed to know about this. If Hermione finds out about this,… let's just say that my ‘boys' are in grave danger.

As a best friend, I possess some certain knowledge concerning my best friend, Hermione. For example, I know the password to let myself into her flat. I also know that she writes in her diary every night she can just after a nice long bath. I also know that she had dinner plans last night and forgot to use a locking charm on the drawer beside her nightstand, where she keeps her diary.

I can see the twins nodding their heads appraisingly now.

Now, you may ask ‘why this is so important?' or ‘why would I want her diary?' After all, we are all adults and out of Hogwarts, that means we do not need to result in ‘diary stealing' for blackmail.

We have drunk stories for that.

I guess it all started five years ago, just after Harry's defeat of Voldemort. (Yeah, I can say his name now!) I would have been in the Hospital Wing with Hermione, but I was fighting some of my own demons, such as the well anticipated rejection from Hermione.

I was sad and a little disappointed, but who wouldn't have been in that kind of situation?

Anyways, it was rather late at night when Hermione walks into the common room with her eyes all bloodshot, her hair was a mess and her eye lids were swollen from crying.

It was difficult to look her in the eye. Not because of the rejections, but just to see her in so much emotional distress.

One glance at her and I knew approximately what had happened. I always knew she loved him. During any argument and/or situation, she would always find his side. She looked at him with greater love and affection that I ever looked at her. She stared at me for a few moments and just broke down. Her tear ducts burst open and all I could do was just stand there and hold her. She explained what had happened (or what didn't happen) when Harry woke up. Then she cried some more.

All I could really do was just be her shoulder to cry on.

If it had been anyone else, I would punched the daylights out of him.

But it was Harry. My best friend.

What made it really hard was that I couldn't blame the guy for not knowing he was the reason he caused her all the pain. And I couldn't tell him either because Hermione would castrate me. Secondly, I couldn't blame Hermione for loving him, either.

I think it was at that moment I made my own little epiphany. As much as I love Hermione, it wasn't the way I thought I did. Sure, it hurt when Hermione rejected me, but compared to Hermione, who wasn't even ‘officially' rejected, mine was only a mere flesh wound. My so-called ‘deep feelings' for her were only a measly infatuation. I could never come close to loving her the same way she loves Harry.

Now to bring it all back to the present.

What does all this bullshit have to do with a diary and meeting Harry for lunch?

It's quite simple really. Being a best friend to two people, I possess certain responsibilities. One of which is to make sure your best friend doesn't end up marrying some man that she doesn't love.

That's where the diary comes in.

When I first opened the diary, I had hoped to read about how happy she was with Theo.

You know, the mushy stuff.

‘Oh Theo is so handsome. I love Theo. Theo is my soul mate.'

You know, the really mushy stuff.

I like the guy, I really do.

He's respectful to her and he loves her so much. And his dad owns the Chudley Cannons. That's definitely a plus.

But my suspicions were confirmed.

There wasn't a single entry in the last 3 years that didn't mention him.

She still fuckin' loves him after all those years.

Now you may ask why I am here meetin Harry for lunch.

My other responsibility is to see that my best friend doesn't end up letting the best thing that has ever entered his life slip through his fingers. But of course, I have to make sure that he loves her first. As much as I cannot let her marry someone she doesn't love, I cannot let her throw out the closest thing to happiness if the bloody wanker doesn't return the feelings.

Speak of the Devil.

AN: Ok, please review and tell me what you think. I tried to make Ron as much of a ‘big brother'-esque character as possible. How did I do? Please Review!

~ Creepy Susie

AN: Ok, this is really just a filler chapter. Nothing really happens, but I kind of need it for the next following chapters. Sorry I took so long to get this out. I was a little stuck as to how to get it out so I could move on with the story. Hopefully, the next chapter will be out next week. But I do have midterms this week, so don't count on it. Ok, please read and review!

** Harry's POV **

Everything was fine today. The morning started out as any other. But look at where everything ended up today.

I am driving again. I have guzzled approximately half a tank of gas since I have started driving tonight. This habit of mine has really started to burn a hole in my wallet. But if I have anyone to blame, it would be Ron. Ron has ruined my master plan. It was brilliant. I would leave Hermione to pursue her finally found happiness and I would eventually somehow recover from my loathing self pitying slump. And Ron ruins my master plan.

He has made me second guess myself. And that's the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

I should probably start from the beginning.

Ron decided to meet me for lunch today because he had some ‘news' for me. Only this wasn't the Ron I am used to. He had the ‘this is damn important' tone of voice when he called me. The last time he used that tone of voice on me was when he found out that I knew about a certain Ginerva's relationship with a very promiscuous team mate I work with (one that Ron highly disapproves of). Hell, I might as well have told him she was carrying Malfoy's baby!

Perish the thought!

But it's a little different this time. His voice almost sounded like he is really hesitating to tell me what is going on. I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to know what it was that is so important.

As always, I arrive late due to some crazy Quidditch captain that insists on longer practice hours. But, fortunately enough, I am not as late as I usually am. You see, the very pregnant Mr. Katie Wood's unborn child decided it was time to come out and meet the world half way through practice. And the crazy son of a bitch demands that we finish practice before he leaves to support the woman bearing his about to be born child.

I do not want to be him in the delivery room.

I saw Ron waiting for me at our usual table at the Leaky Cauldron. We exchanged our usual hellos a little more awkward than usual.

‘You're late'

‘I know'

‘Earlier than usual, what happened?'

‘Katie went into labour'

‘Really, I thought she was only seven months along'

‘She is'

Awkward conversations. Gotta love it.

‘You know, Luna says that the 7 month pre…”

Oh god.

‘Cut to the chase Ron! You didn't meet me out for lunch to talk about babies.'

He took a deep breath. He was so nervous that I don't even think I was ready to hear it if he needs this much preparation to tell me.

‘Ok, I have this problem. There are these three friends; A, B and C. And there is this guy D. Now, Friend A is in a relationship with guy D and it is getting very serious now. But, A used to be in love with friend B. But A and B have been friends for a long time. Along comes C. C finds and ‘accidentally' reads A's diary and it turns out that A is still madly in love with B. But she is in a serious relationship with D. Really serious. Now, should C tell B that A loves B and not D?'

Wow. That was a mouthful. But trust me, it is way more entertaining hearing it from Ron.

‘Well, if I were, um… C, I should really be asking myself why I was reading A's diary to being with'

‘Well it's not like Hermione is going to find out!'

HERMIONE!!!

‘Hermione!!!!'

‘Shit'

‘What about Hermione, Ron?'

‘Look, it complicated. It's not like…'

‘Who does she love!!'

He had the defeated look plastered on his face. He went into his suitcase and took out Hermione's diary.

‘I think you should take a look at this.' And he slid the diary across the table.

It was a thick leather bound book with her initials printed on it.

‘Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus is the password to open it' and as he got up to leave, he said, ‘Give it back to Hermione and try not to break her heart.'

And he left.

I apparated right home after that.

I don't think I have ever read so much in one sitting before. And Hermione says that I don't read. Wonder what she would say about this?

Now you would ask, ‘Why aren't you with Hermione right now? Why aren't you going to profess your undying love to her?'

The answer. I have no answer. This is why I am fuckin' driving.

I was going to when I read the first few pages of her diary. I was jumping for joy, but then I continued reading.

June 24. 1997

He ignored me again. I was going to tell him today, but then Cho walked by. He says he isn't the type of guy who stares at the parts rather than listen, but I have eyes to prove otherwise. Who am I kidding, I will never look like someone like Cho or Fleur.

Every time I think about telling her, I remember another entry like that. Or something like this.

May 14, 1999

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I thought it would be easy living with us all together, but it's breaking me. I cannot sit here at the door and wait until he is finished with his date! I have to move out. This inner monologue is killing me .

That is why I cannot face her right now. Sure, it's true that she loves me, but I caused all that pain. I don't want to break her even more if I do something stupid. I don't want to see another tear coming down her cheek.

She was crying the other night. She said so in her diary. She was crying over me. She deserves so much more than me. I really am not worth her tears. She needs to smile more.

Christmas day, 2000

It was wonderful today. We dropped all our previous plans and spent it all together at the Burrow as a big huge family. Harry caught me under the mistletoe and gave me a kiss on the lips. Of course, Fred and George were no help what-so-ever. They started whistling and hooting at us. I do not think I have ever smiled that brightly before in my life.

I smile at this memory. I am very fond of it. She's a very good kisser.

September 19, 2001

He was a perfect gentleman today. He opened all the doors for me and held out his arm for me to hold to. And when Harry pulled my chair out at the restaurant, he kissed my hands. I never realized how such a small act can whisk my heart away like that. I felt like such a princess.

She is a princess and deserves the very best.

No question about it.

July 27, 2002

We talked almost all night by the fire last night. About everything and nothing at all. It was like post-sex conversation, but without the sex. It is probably one of the best memory I will ever have with him. When he got tired, he put his head in my lap and tried to continue talking before sleep took hold of him. Through it all, I kept thinking, ‘So this is what it feels like to have the great Harry Potter between my legs'.

Silly girl.

I look up and I realize I have just driven to the foot of her apartment building.

There's no turning back now.

AN: Ok, i know the conversation with Ron was really bad. Please don't flame me for it if i already know it. I was having a major brain freeze as to how to let it slip to Harry. I just couldn't think of anything. But it's behind me now and hopefully it will only get better from here. Ok, please review!!

AN: Sorry about the last chapter. If you all noticed, I changed the summary of the story. I discovered that it was way too wordy and I didn't like it so I changed it, but I still don't like it. I am just not one to write good summaries. So, if any of you have a better summary for me, please write it in when you review the chapter. ^_^ Thanks!

** Hermione's POV **

I cannot believe it! I have searched the entire apartment. I literally have the entire place turned upside down. I don't think I would really mind if it just disappeared off the face of the planet, but I do not even want to ponder the circumstance if it falls in the wrong hands, namely Theo.

A wise man once said “Never lie your secrets anywhere other than your own consciousness.”

The wise man was right.

I keep getting this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that someone has it. Someone who shouldn't. This is bad. Theo and I had a little spat, and now has blown way out of proportion. If he finds it now, I might as well say hello to my new found spinster-hood. What makes things even worse is that he was right. I really cannot bring myself to say that I was right, despite the little know-it-all inside me really wants to.

It really wasn't my fault that I was late for dinner tonight. There was work at the ministry that needed to be done.

** ** **

“I am so sorry I am late, but there was some work at the ministry that had to be finished by tomorrow.”

“That's ok. It's ok. Let's just order already.” His voice was a little harsh, and I could obviously tell that it was bothering him.

“You don't sound ok.”

He visibly relaxed. “Well, I'm sorry. I've just had a bad day. Did a little too much thinking, that's all.”

“What happened? Is something wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong.”

“Theo, you can't hide it from me. I can see it's bothering you. You can tell me.”

He took a deep breath and gave out a long sigh. “Where do you think we are going in this relationship? I know we are engaged and we are going to be married soon and I couldn't be happier but it still feels like we haven't matured beyond dating. I know I love you, but I do not want our marriage to feel the same way.”

“I am sorry. You know I would spend some more time with you. But there is just too much work at the ministry right now.”

“How about this, why don't we go take off for a wonderful vacation... for two glorious weeks. We can come back, all relaxed and stress-free. We finish the rest of the work and wedding plans quickly and then we can enjoy another honeymoon together.”

“Theo...”

“I know you just love to learn about the isolated marsupials in Australia , so we can go there. Then we can go to see the Great Barrier Reef and visit Sydney . We can take all those jungle tours that you always get excited about. Maybe we can see that crazy Steve Irwin, Crocodile hunter guy!” His eyes twinkled as he finished.

“I just can't right now. There's too much work at…”

“At the ministry! You are not the only one working there. I am sure they well manage just as well without you!”

“I will pretend I didn't just hear that! But you don't understand. They need me there!”

“WELL, I NEED YOU, HERMIONE!!! This isn't supposed to be a chore for you to be with me!!! I am your bloody fiancée!!!' The entire restaurant turned t face us as he continued, ‘I am sick and tired of being second place to work! I know you are important to the ministry! I know you have responsibilities. You have never placed work before your friends... but me? I am last place in your heart! It's like you love them more than you love me! Especially Harry!”

“This has nothing to do with Harry or any of them. This is between us, not them”

“Are you sure?” Anger flashed across his face as said it sharply.

“I'm sorry if you feel neglected Theo but…”

“I do not want to hear another apology out of you.” With that and a loud pop, he was gone.

** ** **

And I started crying in the middle of the restaurant.

I have been yelled at before, but nothing has ever made it hurt as much this. Maybe it was because deep down inside, I know that it's true.

Just great! I am crying again. Things never seem to work my way do they? I definitely need another glass of wine, perhaps another bottle.

I have already sent out an owl to Theo telling him how sorry I am and how I am willing to go on that trip with him when things get a little hectic. I hope he understands. But he's right. We really do not spend nearly as much time together as newly engaged couples should. But for now, I just want him to start talking to me again.

~ Doorbell rings ~

Oh goodness! That must be Theo! He must have gotten my owl!

“Coming!!” I have to dry all these tears before he sees me. I do not want to look like a sniveling mess when he sees me and hopefully make up.

I open the door, but it's not Theo.

It's Harry.

Just great. One heartbreaker to another. This is exactly what I need today.

“Hi. Um… may I come in?”

I do not need this right now. I can't deal with him when he's the reason of all my troubles.

“Harry, I really isn't a good time. I'm expecting an owl from Theo.”

Please go away. Please go away.

“I really have to talk to you. It's very important and if I don't talk to someone, I am going to explode.”

“Then go talk to Ron.”

“He's the reason why I have to talk to you.”

Fine, I give up.

“Alright, come in.”

He walks through the door and sits on the couch. He looks really troubled. Worse that I have seen before. I have never seen such an internal battle fight so desperately inside him with so much vigor before. At least, not since Voldemort. Somehow looking at him reminds me of the confused little boy I encountered at Hogwarts. Suddenly, my problems don't seem so important.

“What's wrong”

After a deep sigh, he stares at his hands and starts to talk.

“Well, there's this woman that I have loved for a long time now.”

Oh god! I really cannot deal with this. I am going to self combust if he goes any further.

“HARRY!' That came out harsher than I expected, ‘I cannot deal with your little relationship problems right now! I have my own to go through as is!”

“Hermione, please hear me out!” He grabs my hand as I stand up to get away from him. I can't get his grip loose.

“No, Harry. I am in no condition to listen to your relationship woes.”

“You have to listen. This concerns you most of all.”

FINE! I GIVE UP! I AM A TOTAL SUCKER AND A PUSHOVER OVER THE ONE I SECRETLY LOVE!! I REALLY AM HOPELESS!!

“You have five minutes.”

A relieved expression plays across his face as his hand, still clutching mine, pulls me down to sit next to him.

He stares into my eyes and starts to talk. “There's this boy who has been in love with this girl for a long time. In fact, he has been in love with her since he first met her, when they were little eleven year olds, but he was so stupid that he never knew that the feelings he had for her was love. Genuine affection and love. Well, this girl loves him with all her heart too, but she waited for him so long that she eventually gave up on him and started dating another boy.' He took a deep breath, ‘So when the boy finally found out that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this girl and no one else, she had already engaged to her boyfriend. One day, a friend of the boy and the girl found the girl's diary…”

Oh no. This cannot be happening. This cannot happen.

“And he told the boy that the girl never stopped loving him.”

I cannot deal with two problems at once. I gave up on him. I did. I tried to stop loving him. I thought it was working.

It's not working. I can feel the tears build up behind my eyes again.

“Then the boy went to see the girl to tell her how he felt.' His eyes are gazing deeply into mine. ‘If you were that girl, what would you say to him?”

Now I am just full out crying. This was never supposed to happen.

“Harry, I don't know…” He silences me with his finger. I can feel the calloused finger on my lips. It must have been from Quidditch practice.

“I am sorry that I never realized it before. I know you are confused.”

That's the understatement of the century.

“But I love you and I can't picture myself without you anymore.”

My tears blurred my vision. I can't really tell, but I think his eyes are asking for some sort of response that would be in his favour.

“Harry, I can't...”

He's kissing me. This isn't like the mistletoe kiss we shared during Christmas. It was full of fire and passion. I don't think I have ever been kissed like this before in my life. I can feel my hair at the back of my neck standing on its end. I'm running my fingers through his messy raven locks. I can feel his hand on my cheek brushing away the tears.

I can feel him trying to break away from the kiss as though he is reluctant to break the physical bond between us. At least I am not the only one who feels that way.

He's looking, no staring at me with this look filled with desire. Not the type of desire you would associate with lust and hunger. But, desiring me to love him in return. It feels like a question, begging for a response.

I do not know what I am doing. I just know I have to do this. If I don't, I will regret it one way or another. I put my and on his cheek and pull his lips down to mine in a sweet and tender kiss.

I can feel his arms shift as he breaks the kiss and lifts me up like a cheesy romance novel. He carries me into my bedroom and kicks the bedroom door closed behind him.

~ The next morning ~

I do not want to open my eyes. If I was dreaming, I never want to wake up. If I wake up, I do not want to be jolted into the harsh reality that these large strong arms around me are just a figment of my over active imagination.

I want to wake up knowing that it wasn't all a dream. I want to wake up knowing that his arms will still be around me. I want to wake up looking at his wonderfully intense green eyes.

Last night was… wow. It was just… wow. Never thought the former head girl would be this speechless. It felt like he was worshipping me like a goddess. I felt so beautiful in his hands.

“Good Morning, lovely lady.” He's kissing my neck and it tickles. There he goes again using his Harry Potter charm and wakes me up much like Theo does in the morning.

Theo

THEO!!! OH SHIT!!!

”OH SHIT!!” I immediately jump out of his embrace and start pacing around the room.

“Hermione, calm down.”

“Calm down? CALM DOWN?? I just fucking cheated on my fiancée and loved every minute of it!!”

Where does he get the balls to tell me to calm down?

“Do you still plan on marrying him after what we just shared? In case you didn't get the memo, I don't plan on letting you go! This isn't a one night stand, Hermione!!” He yells while getting dressed.

“Oh really? Because I am sure you have had enough one night stands to tell the difference!”

I shouldn't have said that. I really shouldn't have said that.

“FINE! IF YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THEO, YOU GO AHEAD! BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. EVERYTIME YOU ARE EVER WITH THEO, YOU ARE GOING TO THINK OF ME AND HOW MUCH WE ARE MEANT FOR EACHOTHER!”

Nothing. I have nothing to say to that.

“WHAT? NOTHING TO SAY NOW? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!” A loud pop and he's gone.

I walk out to the kitchen. I really need some coffee.

There are no less than seven owl on the kitchen counter, all from Theo. And my diary. I crawl into a fetal position against the wall.

What have I done?

AN: Ok, this chapter is done, I can go onto studying now. It has been bugging me for the past 2 days. So I decided to quickly finish it and get back to my studies. And now it's done. I can only hope that I have enough time to study for my midterms. I had so many inspirations for the chapter that I think it would be unfair not to list at least a few of the ones I remember. Ok, remember that guy from blue's clues? You know, Steve Burns? Well, in case you didn't know, he's not dead and has an indie CD out named ‘songs for dustmites'. It's a great CD and ‘A Reason' is a great contributor to this chapter and others following it. I highly advise people to go out and check out his CD because he needs all the publicity he can get. Not that talking to an animated puppy would get him the recognition he wanted. So check him out! Go to his concert tours!

Ok, please review this chapter. I really really really want reviews for it. Mainly because it's the longest chapter I have ever written. Should I write longer chapters like this more often? Pleeeeaaaase review!!