Above It All

A/N: Well, howdy folks! Long time. Guess what? This is the sequel to "Safe in Harbor"! This probably won't make any sense if you haven't read that one, so check it out if you haven't. Now this sequel has been very weird to write. Long before I even wrote the prologue, chunks of later chapters were floating around in my head and demanding to be jotted down. Now I have the whole thing plotted out, but you should see my organization notebook!

Now just a refresher: at the end of "SIH", Harry and Hermione had been married two years, Emerson was 3 years old and Ben was a newborn. This story begins nine years after SIH's epilogue - making Emerson twelve years old and Ben going on nine.

As I said above, I have the whole thing plotted out and about seven full chapters written and typed. A bit of the later chapters have already been written (in incomplete chunks, lol). I'll try to update as often as possible, but it won't be more than once a week, I don't think. Work is craaaaazy these days and real life just being very demanding, but I'll really try not to leave y'all in the lurch for unreasonable amounts of time. I do ask your patience, though.

As always, reviews are soo very welcome and much appreciated. Here's hoping y'all will like this one - fair warning, I won't be going easy on the angst. :)

Rock on!


Prologue


She had been doing fine.

Really, she had. Granted, things might not have been exactly the way she had fantasized that they would be when she was this age.

She was nearing forty and was single. Twice divorced. No children. No prospect of any either, at least not naturally. Ever. Not unless medical science, Wizarding or Muggle, effected some astronomically divine fertility breakthrough, which was incredibly doubtful.

Her job, initially such a source of fulfillment in more ways than one, seemed to have stalled. There were higher levels to be attained than where she currently was, but the concept of 'The Glass Ceiling' was still alive and thriving. That's what she got for staking out a career in the Muggle world, anyway. She was indispensable to her boss so long as she didn't get any illusions of grandeur and start thinking that she could be the boss. Oh, and everything was dandy so long as she dutifully held her legs open when he wanted her to.

And it was too late for a change now, too late to try to forge a new path for herself.

But she'd learned to accept that. She'd convinced herself that she was content. Who needs a husband anyway? He would just hold her back and she cherished her freedom. The freedom to bed whomever she wanted. The freedom to jump up and travel without really answering to anyone, since the travel was a part of her job. She loved being able to jet-set all over the world, whether with her job or by herself.

Ditto for children. They would likely drive her insane after a while. The women in her family didn't exactly have the best legacy for motherhood and she'd probably end up doing something drastic to the little brats. And what they would do to her figure! Lord, no. Her figure, her beauty was her passport to almost anything she wanted and she guarded it jealously. A child would surely take a toll on such priceless assets.

As for her job, the money was good and, well, let the boss think what he wanted. He thought he had the upper hand? Pfft! She could make him do anything. All she had to do was give him a certain look, bare a little thigh or cleavage, toss her head a certain way and he couldn't shoo the old farts on the almighty Board out the door fast enough. His mental capabilities would drastically diminish as his 'little head' took over, and with him reduced to a gibbering idiot, she could get anything from him. The keys to his private plane for the weekend. A blank check.

She would then skillfully convert the thrills of power this gave her into waves of ecstasy for herself that her boss, with his oversized ego, would smugly take credit for.

"I'm mighty good at everything I do, aren't I? And I mean everything." Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink.

Right you are, Sir Mr. Boss-Man Asshole.

Let him think what he wanted. He was just one more drone in her stable of slaves. Really, men were so predictable.

So yes, she was content. She was fine.

Until that day in August. Until that day when she bumped into someone so unlikely, so unexpected that she was forced to see through the façade she had erected around her mind. She was forced to see that everything she was or thought she was was a lie. And if not a lie, then dramatically inferior to the perfection staring her in the face.

Oh, how she loathed this! She had been free. She had gotten the last laugh. Wasn't she still healthy, still beautiful and desirable when that bitch had been lying helplessly in bed, pale, emaciated and near bald? Hadn't the satisfaction been sweeter than the honeycomb at the thought that never again would her men tear their eyes from her to goggle at that hussy? Hadn't she laughed as she'd done her last 'friendly duty' for the one who had stolen so much from her?

Hadn't she gotten the last laugh?!

Until that blasted day in August when her eyes had beheld what she was sure was the reincarnation of Julia Thomas, only younger, healthier, lovelier. She had stared open-mouthed at the avenging devil returned to torment her happy existence and the eventual knowledge that it wasn't Julia hadn't given her even the slightest bit of comfort. As far as she was concerned, this was Julia, except with astonishingly green eyes. This was Julia gazing upon her with that same mixture of pity and disdain. This was Julia, taunting her from beyond the grave: I win. Again.

And her eyes had been pried open to the reality of her life. To the reality that she was a barren forty year old woman, sleeping with her boss and a handful of other married men. Desperately trying to hold onto her beauty and relative youth because really, they were all she had left. Julia was dead but she had still won because she had this graceful imitation of herself walking the earth still.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. Why should one person receive all the blessings? Why should fate be so unjustly skewed in the favor of any one person?

Well, what do you do when you know something is wrong? You try to make it right, of course.

And that was what she was going to do. She would make this right. Let perfect Julia Thomas frolic happily in the stuck-up Paradise to which she had undoubtedly been carted on the snow-white wings of the archangel. Let her continue on in the delusion that she was loftier, holier, more sublime and desirable, even in death.

Because things were going to change. Why should the misery be dumped on one side, on one pair of shoulders? Sharing was a virtue, wasn't it, and when she was done sharing with the spawn of Julia Thomas - when she was done sharing with the daughter of Harry Potter - she will have accumulated so much virtue points that the friggin' Pope wouldn't have any choice but to canonize her.

But enough ranting. Must get to work. Lots to do.

Oh yes, lots to do.

Chapter One - Just For One Day


There is something about time that can make one pause and ponder; a certain blandness that makes it not unlike water. Whatever you put in water lends it character, just as what you do with your time lends it quality - or not. And just as with water, unless you pay attention to time it can run swiftly away with you, so one moment you're one place and next time you blink you're somewhere else altogether.

It was these strange musings about the attributes of time that occupied Harry Potter's thoughts on that Sunday morning in late August. Harry wasn't sure what had awoken him. The house was silent - a rarity these days - and the sun was just beginning to peek out of its nest in the Hertfordshire countryside.

Yet he was wide awake and for a minute, he lay still and savored the stillness because Lord knew when such a moment would arrive again.

Finally, he rolled over to face the woman who slept beside him. She was sleeping on her stomach but with her face turned to him and Harry smiled as he stared at her. She was so beautiful. Her thirty-eighth birthday was coming up next month but one wouldn't know it from the way Hermione Granger Potter looked. Of course people in the Wizarding world aged far slower after age thirty than their Muggle counterparts but Harry still thought it extraordinary how little Hermione looked her age.

She had grown her hair out to midway down her back, longer than it had ever been and it suited her. The weight of her hair lent itself a measure of manageability so it was no longer the bushy mass of yore. It also didn't hurt that she'd discovered certain Muggle products that worked wonders. At present , her hair was spread out all over her pillow, a few locks obscuring Harry's view of her face.

He reached out and gently brushed them aside and his wife stirred. Her lovely brown eyes fluttered open and she smiled sleepily when she saw him.

"Hi. Been staring at me long?"

He grinned. "You know me too well."

She snuggled up to him and Harry held her close, inhaling her scent as their legs tangled under the warm covers. For a long moment, they were silent and Harry thought she had drifted off again when she spoke.

"They'll be here soon, you think?"

Harry smiled. "I'm sure of it."

She chuckled. "Sunday morning in the Potter household. The week gets started off with a-"

BANG!

Harry and Hermione both jumped and the next second they heard a voice hiss outside their door:
"Try to do that a little louder next time, Ben. I don't think the people heard you over in Canada!"

There was a brief pause. "Should we knock?" their son asked.

"Certainly. Because there's no way Mum and Dad heard that racket," Emerson replied and Harry could just see her rolling her eyes.

"Know who they remind me of?" Harry whispered, grinning.

"Who?"

"You and Ron. When we were at Hogwarts."

Hermione stuck her tongue out at him and Harry lunged forward to kiss her just as the knock sounded. He made sure to kiss Hermione soundly, then they broke apart and put some respectable distance between each other before calling "Come in."

The door swung open and something small and chocolate-haired zoomed across the room and landed on Harry's chest with a joyous cry.

"Daddy!"

Harry pretended to faint back onto his pillow. "Be gentle with your old dad, Budget. You're much too strong for me," he groaned, clutching his chest.

The little boy laughed before crawling across the bed and launching himself at his mother.

"Good morning, Luke," she said, kissing the curly head. "Did you sleep well?"

He nodded. "I dreamed it was my birthday."

"You're always dreaming about your birthday," commented Ben as he climbed onto the bed, clutching a book as usual.

Luke frowned. "You're just jealous cause yours isn't till 'Cember."

"It's called December, moron," Ben retorted, pushing his unruly hair out of his eyes.

"Ben," Hermione chided gently.

"Sorry, Budget," Ben replied. "Morning Mum, Dad." Seconds later he was stretched out near the foot of the bed, already engrossed in his book.

Harry and Hermione exchanged a smile. At age eight, Ben already considered himself much too old for the overt displays of affection that Luke, thankfully, still demonstrated.

"Morning, Ben. Ah, but where are my lovely ladies?" Harry asked, peering around the bed in an exaggerated fashion, even picking up a delighted Luke to frown at the spot where he'd been sitting.

"Right here, Padré," came a voice from beside Hermione and Harry gave an overly dramatic start.

"Oh, there you are!" he said, beaming.

Emerson rolled her eyes but smiled. "Hi Dad. Morning, Mum." She transferred a small sleeping child to Hermione's arms and climbed onto the bed too. "She's really sleepy today. Didn't even open her eyes when I picked her up."

Hermione nodded as she tucked her youngest child in between her and Harry. "Yeah. She had an ear infection but it should be better by now. The healing potion makes her tired though."

Harry smoothed the wild, auburn-tinged curls off little Davina's forehead, smiling as he did so. His little princess, their "Unexpected Bonus" as Hermione liked to say. Not quite two years old but Davina definitely lent something wonderful to the family and even though she'd been a surprise, Harry couldn't imagine Ballynore now without her.

"So your first Sunday back in the craziness," Hermione was saying to Em, smiling. "How does it feel?"

"Awesome," Emerson replied. "I really did miss you guys so much!"

"Did you miss me?" piped up Luke.

"No, I didn't," Em said with a completely straight face. "Of course I missed you, goofball!" She ruffled the curly head of her little brother and as he watched his children interact, Harry found himself thinking about time again.

It seemed like only yesterday he was discovering the baby left at his doorstep, opening that letter to find out that she was his daughter. Where had the time gone? Because far from the little tousle-haired moppet with the big, green eyes that he'd been terrified to even hold that first time, his daughter was now a strong, independent young girl of twelve.

Emerson was going to be a beautiful woman, by anybody's standards. She had inherited her birth mother's striking features - high cheekbones, full, red lips, long black lashes - but it was Harry's emerald eyes that leapt out of her face. She had a lovely olive complexion that was, at the moment, somewhat darker after her month in the Texas sun.

"-it was so hot," Em was saying. "And not the kind of dry heat that we get here sometimes. Just really humid, ya know? And then, Mum, you should've seen Wizarding Dallas! It's unbelievable! You know that's cattle country and Herb and Enigi live on this huge ranch. But they're-"

"What are 'cattle'?" interrupted Luke, his small brow furrowed exactly the way Hermione's did when she was concentrating on something.

"That's just another name for cows," Ben supplied without even looking up.

"Yeah, and you should've seen these cows, Ben!" Em exclaimed, turning around to address him. "They have horns longer than your legs and this really fierce look. I kept expecting them to decide to turn around and gore me any second."

Ben snickered, looking up from his book at last to listen as his sister recounted more about her Texas holiday.

Harry felt Hermione's eyes on him and turned to look at her.

"I love you," she whispered, reaching for his hand.

"Love you too," he said, leaning over to kiss her quickly. He reached out a hand to brush her hair from her face and she beamed him her secret smile that made Harry wish they didn't have four kids in their bed. Judging from the gleam in the wench's eye, she knew exactly what he was thinking too and was loving it!

"I'm gonna get you for that," he whispered.

Hermione raised her eyebrows innocently. "For what?"

"For what?" he echoed, just as innocently but Hermione apparently got the message because she blushed. Harry nodded slowly, savoring the fact that after all these years, he could still make this amazing woman blush.

"Daddy," said a small voice between them.

They both looked down to see the big, hazel eyes of little Davina blinking sleepily up at them.

"Hey, somebody's awake!" Hermione said brightly, helping her daughter climb out of the covers. Harry and Hermione took turns kissing her all over her little face until she giggled.

Davina was clutching her stuffed rabbit, Ol' Bob. That was the name Emerson had christened it with when Ron had presented it to her on her second birthday. Harry remembered the looks of amusement and bewilderment directed at the toddler when she'd made that announcement.

"Do you mean 'rabbit'?" Harry had asked, stooping before his daughter.

Emerson hugged the stuffed animal. "Ol' Bob," she said again.

Hermione seemed to be trying not to laugh. "I think she's trying to say 'bunny', Harry."

"Ol' Bob," Emerson insisted, frowning up at them all as if they were the peculiar ones.

"Ok," Harry replied, seating her and the rabbit on his lap. "Ol' Bob."

Emerson beamed and that had been that.

She'd been really attached to that animal too, couldn't even fall asleep without it. But after Ben had been brought home from the hospital, Harry and Hermione had been surprised and touched when Em had solemnly declared that she wanted to give the rabbit to Ben. Apparently so Ol' Bob could give him "pleasant bunny dreams".

Strangely enough, she'd slept just fine without it from that moment on. And furthering the Potter family's attachment to the floppy-eared trinket, both Ben and Luke had passed on Ol' Bob to their younger sibling, without any kind of prodding from Harry or Hermione. Now Davina was its owner but really the bunny belonged to all of them, old and battered now but very much beloved.

"Look who's here, Vina," Harry said, pointing.

The toddler looked and her eyes widened. "Emma!" she squealed mightily when she saw Emerson. She couldn't quite manage Em's name yet so 'Emma' was the closest she could get. The little girl launched herself into her sister's open arms and the two of them toppled over laughing onto the huge bed. Harry couldn't help grinning as he watched them; he knew how much Vina had missed Em.

Everyday she'd asked "Where Emma? Emma home?" and they'd had to keep telling her no, Emma not home. And yesterday when Emerson had finally come home, poor Davina had been fast asleep, knocked out by the healing potion for her ear infection. This was the first time she was really seeing her sister and her innocent joy made Harry want to weep.

"Group hug!" Luke yelled, pouncing on his sisters and Ben dropped his book to join in the melee, to hug and be hugged too.

Harry gathered Hermione into his arms and watched the jumble of pajamaed arms and legs, giggles and assorted noises that was his children. His whole world, his entire reason for living was right here.

There were other things in his life, for sure, but it was these five people who made it all worthwhile. They were the ones who lent character, who gave quality to his time. Both the time that had already sped away and the time - and he hoped it was vast and chiefly joyous - that was yet to come.

****

Time, you old gypsy man!
Will you not stay
Put up your caravan
Just for one day?
- "Time, You Old Gypsy Man" Ralph Hodgson

A/N: Hey y'all! Thanks soo much for the reviews! I truly appreciate it. I realize the story doesn't make any sense so far, which is completely understandable, right? It's only the beginning! Frankly, I would be disappointed if y'all understood everything just by reading the first chapter. And the Potters seem so wonderful, don't they? Too bad it's gonna.. hmm.. can't say anything more. And you'll find out who the "she" in the prologue is, of course. All in due time.. heh heh.

Don't forget to review. Please. It really helps, don't ever doubt that. Enjoy and rock on!


Chapter Two - No Place Like Home


Later on in the evening of her first full day back at home, Emerson Potter sat outside on the wide swing of Ballynore's back porch, looking out on the rolling green hills of their backyard. All her favorite plants were still in bloom, even though it was almost autumn and Em - secretly, of course - believed that it was because they knew she was back and were letting her know how happy that made them.

From where she sat, the small mixed orchard wasn't visible but she could smell the wild rosebush that she and Dad had discovered when she wasn't quite a year old. She hadn't told anyone but that rosebush was her favorite of them all, simply because she and Dad had found it first.

She breathe in deeply and closed her eyes, turning her face to the slight wind and rush of happiness filled her heart. She was so happy to be home! Certainly, she had enjoyed her time in Dallas, especially since Lyna had gone with her, and it had been great being with Enigi and Herb. But they felt somewhat separate from her, from who she was, even though she'd known them her whole life and what they were to her. She knew they were blood relatives, her birth mother's parents, but perhaps because she only saw them twice a year, if that...

She reached up to release her long, ebony hair from its ponytail and it tumbled and danced about her shoulders in the wind. Her thoughts turned back to the people in the house at her back and she couldn't help the smile that bloomed on her face. Being here with Mum and Dad and her brothers and sister; was there anywhere else she would rather be than with them?

'Well, be honest,' she thought. 'There are a few places - key word here is 'few'.'

But being with her dad - it'd been a shock to her when she'd realized how famous her dad was, that he was the 'Legendary Harry Potter'. The first time she'd gotten an inkling of his fame was when she was three years old. They'd been out at a restaurant in Muggle London. Mum was huge with Ben and that had actually turned out to be the last time it was just the three of them out to eat.

After dinner, Harry stood up and helped Hermione from her chair. Mum needed a lot of help getting up from a sitting position these days. Em had heard her say to Daddy that it felt like an elephant was camping out on top of her pelvis. She'd asked what a pelvis was but Mummy and Daddy had only said it was a type of bone, while they made the funny faces that she knew meant they were trying not to laugh.

Which was fine to Em. She knew that the reason why parents had kids was so their kids could make them laugh. She was a good kid then, because she made Mummy and Daddy laugh a lot.

Harry had just taken Emerson's hand when a female voice behind them squealed, "Oh my God! Harry Potter!"

They turned.

It was a young woman clutching a small device (what Em later learned was a mobile phone) to her face while she gazed in rapt awe at the tall, bespectacled man. She hurried up to them and stuck out her hand and Harry graciously shook it. "I can't believe it's you! I'm Mitzi and my parents told me all about you. About how-" her words tumbled out in a rush.

Em noticed the woman's eyes raking Daddy's forehead. A lot of people did that, she'd noticed. It was because Daddy had a funny scar on his forehead.

"I was just meeting a friend for dinner - they have the best lasagna here, don't they! I can't believe-" her eyes left a bemused Harry's face to land on Hermione and her mouth fell open. "And you're Hermione Granger! Potter, I mean, sorry. I heard you are brilliant!"

Em was clutching her mum's hand, gaping at this stranger who seemed to be going into a fit of excitement. How did she-

But just then the woman's eyes landed on her. "And you're Emerson!"

"Hi," Em said automatically. Mummy and Daddy said she was always to be nice to people first.

"Oh, you are so cute!" the girl gushed. She turned back to Harry. "Could you say hi to my friend Katy real quick?"

Harry hesitated then took the device she held out. "Hi to Katy real quick," he said into it and Em jumped as the girl squealed and grabbed it back.

"Did you hear that?! That was Harry Potter! Harry bloomin' Potter! I know, I know, I couldn't believe-"

Seeing that the stranger was safely occupied, they managed to sneak away. They walked in silence for a minute, Em between her parents with them holding her hands, when suddenly they both burst out laughing. She stopped and watched her parents hold onto each other as they laughed about something she hadn't quite grasped. Which wasn't anything new; they were always doing that.

" 'Hi to Katy real quick'?" Hermione giggled, wiping her eyes. "Honestly, Harry!"

Her dad shrugged, grinning. "What was I supposed to say? I was expecting her to go into hysterics any second."

Finally, Em couldn't stand it any longer. "How did she know our names, Daddy?" she blurted.

Her parents froze. She saw them exchange a glance and a nod before her dad stooped before her. "It's a long story, Moppet," he said, using his special nickname for her. "We'll tell you when we get home, ok?"

Em nodded.

And that night they'd told her an abbreviated version of the story that was in all her Hogwarts History books. A story that seemed too fantastic to be true, much less to be about her own parents! And Uncle Ron. And a mysterious Professor Dumbledore, after whom Ben had been named.

Not to mention an evil wizard named Voldemort, whose name some people still whispered with furtive looks as if they expected him to be summoned up like a genie if they said it too loud.

Harry Potter might be the savior of the Wizarding world to everyone else but to Emerson, he was just her dad. He was just the man who'd raised her with Mum's help, beginning back when Mum was still Hermione Granger. He was the man who'd taught her how to fly, who'd wiped her tears when she fell. She worshiped the ground he walked on; though she hadn't told him that, of course.

Emerson's thoughts drifted to the woman she called "Mum". As far as she was concerned, Hermione Potter was her mother. She certainly couldn't remember the woman who had given her life, though she knew most everything there was to know about her. Herb and Enigi and, increasingly, Julia's old best friend Merry Reynolds made sure to share every scrap of memory they possessed about the woman they all said she physically resembled so closely, it was scary.

And she was happy to possess that knowledge. It gave her insight into who she was, who she was developing into as her own person.

But Hermione Granger Potter was her Mum. They had a great relationship. Emerson knew she could tell her mum anything and Mum would be right there, treating her as an intellectual and not being condescending or talking down to her. Her mum was brilliant and the love between her and Dad was so apparent that even though Em groaned and "Eww"ed when she saw them kiss, somewhere in her heart she prayed for a love like theirs when she was older. She loved hearing about how they'd discovered their feelings for each other; she and Mum always got really giggly and she delighted in the fact that she'd had a bit of a hand in bringing them together.

And her siblings - they got on her nerves sometimes, for sure, but she wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

Ben was the one she could have long, smart/silly conversations with. Even though he was not quite nine years old, he'd read so many books that he knew a little about a lot of things, Wizarding and Muggle alike. Sometimes last term, she would be at Hogwarts doing homework and the thought would suddenly pop up "I wonder what Ben would think of this?", "I wonder what Ben would say about that?"

And don't let his bookish appearance fool you because Ben, when he put his books down long enough, was dazzling on a broomstick! Already, Dad was predicting he could get Seeker at Hogwarts if he wanted and Em quite agreed. Ben would start Hogwarts when she'd be in fourth year and frankly, it'd be cool to play on the same team with her brother. But that was something she wouldn't tell him, of course.

Now, Luke-

Emerson grinned as she thought of Budget, her Tasmanian Devil of a little brother. If you had some energy that needed to be used up in boisterous play, Budget was your man. Grandpa Granger had nicknamed him "The Fuss Budget" when he'd been a small and, well, fussy baby and the name had stuck. Over time, it'd been shortened to just "Budget" and Luke only answered to it when it was uttered by family or people he knew and liked. He was the one everybody said was most like her and not just because they'd both inherited Harry's eyes.

And the kid was hilarious! He asked the weirdest questions but showed remarkable logic for his age. Tomorrow would be his fifth birthday, though, so lately that was all he talked about.

Then there was Davina. She was so cute. Emerson never knew how much she'd wanted a little sister until Mum had taken her aside and asked her how she would feel about having one. For some reason, Mum had thought she would be upset. Em had liked being the only girl but once the idea entered her mind, it had become more and more appealing as the months of Mum's pregnancy had gone by.

And now Davina was her little shadow, the two Potter girls, and she was the one Em missed the most when away at Hogwarts. Perhaps because she'd been present during the entire babyhoods of Ben and Luke but she felt really sad about being away from Vina. Mum and Dad sent her urgent owls when a 'baby milestone', as they called it, occurred. But a part of her resented that she couldn't witness the first few times for herself. By the time she got to see it, Vina had usually been doing whatever it was for a while and that "wobbly baby aww" factor was gone.

Soon she would be returning to Hogwarts for her second year. There was still a week to be had at home with those she loved most in all the world, though, and she intended to treasure it.

The sliding door behind her slid open and Em turned around. It was Luke and, as usual, he ran rather than walked over and clambered onto the swing beside her.

"Hi!" he said enthusiastically.

Emerson mimicked him. "Hi!"

He laughed and snuggled up to her and Em hugged him. Luke's sheer presence, it seemed, caused the swing to move slowly back and forth and for a few seconds they swung quietly. Then he jerked back suddenly and peered into her face.

Expecting one of his bizarre inquiries, she was surprised when he said, "I'm really glad you're home, Em. I missed you."

Touched, she hugged him again. "I missed you too, Budget. And I'm glad to be home."

"Cause tomorrow is my birthday and I want you to help me open my presents," Luke continued matter-of-factly.

"Really?"

He nodded. "Uh-uh."

Emerson pretended to frown in thought. "Ok. But I'll have to keep half of your presents."

Luke's green eyes widened in horror but just as Em was about to inform him that she was just joking, he grinned. "That's ok. I'll give you some of them."

She giggled. "I was kidding, Budget. Your presents are all yours. But it's really nice of you to want to share."

"Mummy and Daddy say we should share," Luke stated wisely, looking up at his sister, who nodded.

"Yeah, we should."

"Do you know how old I'll be?" he asked suddenly, abruptly changing the subject.

Em grinned. Time to have some more fun with him. "Of course! You'll be twenty."

Luke burst out laughing. "No, you silly rabbit! I'll be five," he chortled, holding up the correct number of fingers.

"Oh, you're right. You're right."

"How old are you, Emerson?" he asked, the mirth still dancing in his eyes.

"I'm twelve," she replied. "How many fingers is that?"

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten-" Luke counted, then his face fell and he looked up. "Emerson, I don't have enough fingers," he whispered as if ashamed of the fact.

Em fought to keep a straight face. "Everybody only has ten fingers, Budget. See?" She held up her hands. "The secret is you can count them over and over again. Like this-"

And as she showed her brother how to get past the "shortfall" of only having ten fingers; as she watched his eyes light up when he figured it out; as she showed him how to calculate how many years he would need to wait before he could go to Hogwarts too (six); and as she laughed when he bemoaned the length of the wait, Emerson Potter was at peace.

She was back where she belonged, with her family, and at this moment in time, there was nowhere else she would rather be.


*******

"So, Moppet, how was your month in Dallas, really?" Harry asked Emerson that evening after dinner. They had just finished washing up and everybody except Hermione and Davina were scattered out on the back porch, enjoying the last late rays of the setting sun. Hermione was upstairs putting Vina, who still wasn't feeling all that great, to bed.

Em turned to look at her father. "It was good. Really. I'd never been there that long before, you know, but after a while I didn't notice. Other than missing you lot, it was all good. Especially since Lyna was there too."

Harry smiled. Emerson and Remus and Tonks' youngest daughter, Carolyna, had been inseparable since they were five years old. This had been Carolyna's first trip outside Britain and he knew the girls would enjoy themselves, if only because they were together.

"How're Herb and Enigi?"

"They're ok," she replied. "Getting older, but they're still pretty strong. Herb is so funny and Enigi..." her voice trailed off. "She seems kinda sad. Sometimes I'd catch her staring at me and I'd always want to hug her."

Harry gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. She was so empathic, one of the things he loved most about her. She genuinely cared about people. Like Hermione. In fact, Em was so much like Hermione that sometimes he completely forgot the circumstances surrounding her birth.

Another effect of time, he guessed.

"Anyway," Em was saying. "I'm excited about going back to Hogwarts!"

He grinned. "Can't wait to leave us again, heh?"

Em scoffed. "No, Dad. But I'm trying out for Chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team this year, remember?"

"That's right. How do you feel about your chances?"

"I'm pretty confident," she answered, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I've been looking forward to this my whole life!"

"I know," Harry said, smiling at his daughter. "I've been there for pretty much the whole ride."

"Yes, you have," she said softly. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too," he answered, hugging her to him, his heart pounding with happiness and pride. His daughter loved him and he knew his sons, loudly chasing each other on the grass below, loved him too. He knew the little girl upstairs clutching an oddly-named rabbit loved him and he certainly knew the woman tucking her in adored him.

And he loved them too, so much that his heart ached - but in the best way in which a heart can ache.

"I wonder who'll be Captain this year, though," Emerson's musing brought him back to the present.

"Maybe Marc or Marissa?" Harry supplied. Fred and Angelina's twin terrors and Quidditch powerhouses.

Em shook her head. "I doubt it. It'll be either of them or both next year, definitely. But they're only sixth years this year."

"Well, I got Captain my sixth year," Harry pointed out.

Em rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and you got Seeker your first year! Dad, you're the exception, not the rule."

Harry chuckled. "I suppose so. Well, I'm sure whomever it is won't be anything but dazzled by you."

Emerson beamed. "Flatterer."

"No, it's the truth. How could you be anything less?" He stood up. "Let's go inside, though. It's getting rather chilly."

"Yeah, and I need to finish my Transfiguration homework," said Em.

Harry frowned. "I thought you said you'd finished that."

She nodded. "I have. I'm just tweaking it a bit."

'Just like Hermione,' he thought, smiling to himself as he called to his sons to come inside. The boys rushed by him laughing, heads wild and cheeks flushed with the innocence of idyllic youth. It did Harry's heart good to see his children so unburdened. Why, when he was their ages, he'd had to put up with the indifference of the Dursleys and the bullying of Dudley and his gang. Not to mention the knowledge that he was this famous name and face for something he couldn't even remember contributing to.

He watched Ben and Luke flop down onto the lush beige carpeting of Ballynore's expansive living room and felt a rush of joy. When he'd first bought this place, it had seemed so huge and empty with just himself and baby Emerson in it. He'd hoped, sure, that one day Hermione would live there too and help him fill it up but his hopes had seemed to be merely wishful thinking and extremely unlikely to come to pass.

And now.. the walls were covered with winking, smiling, sleeping, rough-housing pictures of his children. They had filled and converged on every square inch of the place, imprinting their own unique insignia wherever they went and frankly, Harry wouldn't have it any other way. They reminded him why he got up in the morning and why he went to bed every night having been reassured that fate could actually be nice sometimes.

The layout of the house made for efficiency as well as aesthetic grace. All the bedrooms were upstairs, five of them in all, as well as Hermione's office. There was the Master bedroom, a guest bedroom and the boys shared a room - they'd both wanted to. Emerson had her own sanctuary and little Davina still owned the nursery. Four bathrooms, numerous closets and other storage space completed the upper storey.

A gleaming marble and mahogany staircase gently curved to the downstairs. This contained the living room, a spacious dining room, an almost professional-grade kitchen with a breakfast nook, a Family/Playroom and Harry's office. There were also two half-bathrooms downstairs. Both Harry and Hermione's offices looked out onto the backyard and porch so they could keep an eye on things and get some work done at the same time. Everything was, of course, sensibly decorated and furnished, lots of colors that were at once elegant and cozy.

Both his and Hermione's offices sported the requisite colored drawings of their children, masterpieces each and every one. There were little mementos of the children's presence everywhere - a single shoe, a stray gobstone, the latest edition of 'Martin Miggs.' His house was a home, filled with love and laughter.

And it was primarily because of the woman coming down the stairs now, twisting her long hair into a bun at the nape of her neck.

"She's finally down," Hermione said, bypassing the wiggling bundle on the floor that was Luke. Ben was already flipping the pages of his book, trying to find his spot and Emerson had spread out her Transfiguration parchments and was scrutinizing them with her quill tip in her mouth.

Harry grabbed Hermione's hand and led her into the kitchen. As soon as they were out of sight of the kids, his lips descended on hers and he was kissing her as if it had been years since he'd done so. She melted against him and kissed him back with equal fervor and skill.

When they broke apart, Hermione's cheeks were flushed. "Wow," she murmured breathlessly. "What's the occasion?"

"I just love you so much," he whispered, blushing a little as he said it.

She smiled and touched his cheek. "I love you too."

They hugged each other and Harry would have been content to stay that way indefinitely. A soft humming reached his ears after a while, however, and he smiled.

"D'you hear that?" Hermione asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. She's really home, isn't she?"

Hermione pulled away and led him back to the living room. They gazed out at their children sprawled on the carpet, all of them listening to Emerson. Em had always loved music and boy, could she sing. Most of the time she didn't even seem to be aware that she was humming, and although the instances were fewer now than when she was younger, she would burst into song every now and then.

Tonight seemed to be one of those times as the humming faded and was replaced by Emerson's sweet soprano:

Down the way where the nights are gay
And the sun shines daily on the mountain top
I took a trip on a sailing ship
And when I reached Jamaica I made a stop

But I'm sad to say, I'm on my way
Won't be back for many a day
My heart is down, my head is turning around
I had to leave a little girl in Kingston town

She went back to humming and nodding her head in time to a beat only she could hear and Harry grinned at Hermione. This was classic Emerson.

"What's Jamaica?" asked Luke suddenly.

Emerson looked up and seemed vaguely surprised by the question. "Um, it's a country. It's an island."

Luke frowned. "What's an island?"

"It's land that is completely surrounded by water," supplied Ben from the floor.

Luke's eyes widened. "So everybody has to swim underwater like goldfish and plimpies?"

Harry and Ben snorted. Hermione shot Harry a look, but he could see that she was fighting a smile too. "No, Luke. They don't have to. The land is surrounded by water, not covered. That means the water is all around them."

"Oh," he said, his brow furrowed. Then his eyes widened again. "So they have to take a boat to go to school?"

"Well, no," Emerson said, grinning. "The schools and stores and everything are on the land with them. They don't have to go into a boat unless they're trying to go to another country."

Harry got down on the floor beside his inquisitive son with the rich, chocolate curls and Hermione's mouth and sat him on his lap. "Tell you what, Budget. If your Mum says it's ok, we'll all go to Jamaica on our next vacation. Then you can see for yourself."

"Dad, you're joking!" cried Emerson, her eyes shining. "Mum, can we go? Please, please!"

"Well..." Hermione said, frowning. Of course Harry knew she was just yanking their chains. The Potters typically took one family vacation a year so they'd already discussed it. Hermione had reacted pretty much the same way Emerson had when he'd mentioned Jamaica.

"Mum, please!" Ben joined in, his book forgotten for the moment.

Hermione sighed theatrically. "Well, I suppose it couldn't hur-"

The rest of what she said was drowned out by the cheers of Emerson and Ben. After a few seconds, Luke joined in too, though Harry was sure he didn't really understand why his brother and sister were so excited. Luke just liked making noise and didn't really need an excuse to do so.

Harry and Hermione grinned at each other, the kids' excitement being very infectious. The vacation would likely be a year from now since this summer was drawing to a close, but it would be something for them all to look forward to.

After another half-hour of excited chatter, it was time for one last cup of hot chocolate and the kids were herded upstairs. They all got ready for bed and Harry and Hermione went around reading bedtime stories, giving hugs and kisses and hugs and kisses and "I Love You"s, little sleeping Davina included of course, as per their nightly ritual.

When at last he and Hermione were snuggled together in their own bed, Harry Potter heaved a sigh of contentment. His life was full and blessed and not for the first time, he thought to himself that if this was the reward for all the hardship of his earlier life, he would gladly go through it all again.

Because this was so worth it.


*******

That same night, someone stayed up late into the darkness, however, too hard at work to notice that the things of the day had succumbed to slumber.

She was pleased with her progress so far. She knew what she was going to do, and she thought it might succeed. It really worked in her favor that Harry Potter was so famous, that the media had gone into a foaming-at-the-mouth type of hysteria at the news of his daughter, as well as of his other children. Trust Julia Thomas to aim high and not fall flat on her stuck-up arse. No, she'd actually snagged The Harry Potter. And not only that, but she'd had his child.

Now, how was that fair? How?

But she mustn't dwell on that. Sometimes you have to make your own way; you have to exact your own justice.

Well, boy howdy, was justice coming. And it would not be swift and short either. Slow and steady wins the race.

And this time she would win. No doubt about it.


*****
End Notes: The song that Em sings is "Jamaica Farewell", and performed by Harry Belafonte, Jimmy Buffett, to name a few. Copyright of Cherry Lane Music and whomever else owns it. Full lyrics can be found at: http://www.theguitarguy.com/jamaicaf.htm.

Plimpies are a kind of fish from that HP 'schoolbook' "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them". Check: http://www.hp-lexicon.org/bestiary/bestiary_n-s.html#plimpy for a description, if you don't have that book.

A/N: Well, howdy all! Just want to say thanks for the reviews and I truly appreciate it. Enjoy this chapter and don't forget to drop a few a line or two letting me know what you think. Thanks and rock on!


Chapter Three - There and Back Again


"Emerson! Get down here right now or we'll be late!" Harry called from the foot of the stairs on the rainy, gray morning of September first. The Hogwarts Express was leaving at eleven o'clock, as usual, and it was already half past ten.

Meanwhile, his daughter was loitering as if they had all the time in the world.

"What more could she possibly be trying to take to Hogwarts?" he grumbled as he took his seat behind the wheel of their car.

They'd bought the sleek Jaguar just after Ben was born when it became evident that the infant loathed Portkey travel, and since Ballynore had never been connected to the Floo Network and Apparation was out of the question, buying a car was their only viable option. Conventionally, Jaguars weren't family cars but they'd had it remodeled to their specifications. And with the growth of their family, rather than upgrading to another vehicle, they'd simply added the appropriate expansion charms as well as a few modifications solely for convenience's sake.

"Well, you know girls," Hermione said from beside him. She tried to hide a smile but Harry noticed anyway and it irritated him. What could possibly be funny about this? Besides-

"You were never like that!" he raged, turning to look at her.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

Harry mouthed wordlessly for a second. "Well.. you.. but-"

"Exactly," his wife replied smugly just as Em got in and slammed the door.

"Sorry," she said breathlessly. "Ok, vayamos!"

"What's vayamos?" asked Luke, from the middle row where he was sitting beside Davina in her car seat. Emerson and Ben were in the back seat, Ben flipping through a Martin Miggs comic book.

"It means 'Let's go' in Spanish."

"Vayamos!" yelled Luke.

"Vayamos!" cried Davina, swinging her legs. She was fully recovered from her illness and was her usual cheery self again.

Hermione grinned. "Well, you heard your customers."

Harry glared at her but he couldn't stay annoyed for long, not with his children chattering and laughing behind him. Ben was reading aloud from the comic book and doing the character voices, to the loud amusement of Luke and Davina, and he found himself relaxing in spite of himself.

Thankfully, with the aid of the enhancements on the car, they reached King's Cross with ten minutes to spare. Hermione went through the barrier first with Davina, the other three kids went next (Luke bunny-hopped; so much for being inconspicuous.) and Harry followed with Em's Hogwarts trunk.

As soon as he stepped onto Platform 9¾, Harry's senses were assaulted by the noisy chaos that always brought him back to his own school days. There was the chatter of students greeting friends, the hisses and assorted noises of cats and other pets disgruntled at being caged and the odd sounds that the gleaming scarlet engine emitted. The platform was teeming with youngsters and their parents and siblings out to see them off for another year of learning.

Harry smiled as he watched Emerson already happily chattering with her best friend, who was holding an excited Davina. Hermione was greeting Tonks, who was looking rather sedate today with a short, dark-brown bob of a hairstyle.

"Howdy, Harry," said a voice behind him and he turned.

"Remus! How're you?" Harry said, giving the older man a quick hug.

It was rather scary to Harry sometimes when he thought about the fact that he and Remus had daughters who were within a month of each other's ages. It made him feel distinctly old, even though he knew that he was young enough to be Remus's son. Remus had started a family rather late in life, though it seemed to suit him. Certainly, being the father of two daughters and the husband of such a vivacious woman as Tonks had largely diminished the aura of despair that had always seemed to linger about him.

"Can't complain. Their second year, huh?" Remus said, gesturing at their giggling girls.

Harry shook his head. "I can't believe it, either. Seems just yesterday I was terrified of even burping her and now-"

"- there are three others," Remus finished for him, smiling.

Harry grinned. Yep, there were three others. Instinctively, his eyes sought them out through the crowd and his heart lightened further when he found them. Ben was over by the train doors talking to the conductor, no doubt grilling the poor man to death. Luke was nowhere to be seen - no, there he was jumping up and down in front of Bill Weasley, who was seeing his and Fleur's seventeen year old son, Etienne, off for his final year at Hogwarts. And Davina was now clinging to Emerson, obviously not wanting to be parted from her sister again so soon.

The first warning whistle blew and Harry and Remus quickly leviated their daughters' trunks onto the train. Most of the kids were hurrying aboard and Remus went off to hug and kiss his girls goodbye. Then Emerson and Carolyna came over and Harry hugged them in turn.

"Have a good term, girls," he said, plucking a very upset Davina off Em. A part of Harry wished he could cry too, but how would that look? His time at Hogwarts had been some of the best of his life, near-death experiences notwithstanding, and he couldn't deprive his daughter of such an integral part of growing up. Still, he couldn't help wishing she wasn't going so far away from home.

Ben and Luke reappeared to hug their big sister and finally Hermione held Emerson close. "Send us an owl when you get there, alright?"

Em nodded. "Bye Mum. Bye Dad. Bye Ben and Budget! Don't cry, Vina. I'll be home in two weeks for yours and Mum's birthdays, ok?"

Davina only wailed louder just as the final warning whistle blew behind them and the two girls spun around and ran onto the train. After closing the doors, they leaned out the window and waved at their parents and siblings on the platform. Most of the parents Disapparated when the train started moving, Remus and Tonks included, but Harry and Hermione stayed until it had faded out of sight.

Finally, he sighed and looked around at the rest of his brood, rubbing little Davina's back soothingly. "Well, vayamos a casa. Let's go home."


********

Emerson and Carolyna dragged their trunks to an empty compartment and flopped down onto their seats.

"Whew," Lyna said, fanning herself. "That is always the hardest part of September first, isn't it?"

Em nodded, looking miserable. "I hate leaving them. Especially Vina."

Carolyna's warm, honey-colored eyes softened. "But you'll see them in two weeks like you said."

"Yeah." Emerson jumped up. "C'mon, I need to go to the bathroom."

The girls bumped into old classmates and other people they knew, lingered over greetings, exchanged snippets of news. On their way back, Lyna was telling Em about how the sunburn she'd gotten in Texas was healing. Emerson, with her olive complexion, tanned excellently but even with all the Anti-Burn Spells that had been placed on her, Carolyna had still sustained a few painful sunburns.

"Mum put some kinda salve on it and it just-" Lyna's voice trailed off.

"It what?" asked Em, looking up at her friend. She turned her gaze to the direction Lyna was staring in and Em's eyes narrowed. Her least favorite person at Hogwarts, Jerrianne Youngleer, as well as her usual sidekicks, Janie Crestmore and Maria Ingalls ("The Fakers" as Em referred to them) were prancing down the corridor as if they owned it.

Em felt a great rush of dislike. Jerrianne was the leader and always walked about with Janie and Maria flanking her, which invariably led to a rather slanted look since Janie was taller than Jerrianne, who was taller than Maria. Maria was the nicest of the three, if "nice" were a word that could be applied to them. She was as pale and freckled as a redhead but with dark eyes and hair as ebony as Emerson's. Janie had chin-length dark blonde hair and light blue eyes that always seemed to be squinting in disdain at whatever she was gazing at. And Jerrianne - she looked like a ridiculously expensive china doll, there was no other description.

These three girls had been the only blights on her first year at Hogwarts, largely because she had tried to be friendly and, inadvertently, had let them walk all over her somewhat.

Well, not anymore.

She decided to give them a fresh chance first, though. "Hi, Jerrianne, Janie, Maria," she said cheerfully as the three girls drew abreast of them. "Have a good summer?"

Jerrianne and the Fakers walked right by Em and Lyna without a word, though Jerrianne gave Em a filthy look before tossing her perfect blonde hair over her shoulder.

Well, nobody can say I didn't try. Emerson twisted around to watch them. "Right back at ya!" she called to their retreating backs. Turning around, she scowled. "Hags. I'm telling you, Lyna, I'm not letting them fu-"

"Don't say that word," interrupted Lyna, frowning.

Em widened her eyes innocently. "What word?"

Carolyna's frowned deepened and after a second, Em smiled. "Ok. I'm not letting them mess with me this year. And you're right. Merlin knows Mum and Dad would probably cut my tongue out if they knew what a dirty mouth I have."

Lyna snorted and the two of them burst out laughing. As they neared their compartment, they saw a mousy-haired boy, obviously a first year, sitting on his trunk in the corridor and looking near tears.

"Hi. Are you ok?" Em asked once they'd reached him. "Why are you sitting out here?"

"All the compartments are full," he muttered, not looking up.

She looked over at Lyna, who shrugged. "What's your name, love?"

The boy looked up and Em saw that he had amazing blue eyes. "William."

"William," she repeated. "Can I call you 'Will'?"

He nodded.

"Will, I'm Emerson. This is Carolyna."

Lyna smiled. "But you can call me Lyna. Come on, you can sit with us."

Will's eyes lit up. "Really?"

Em nodded. "Really. Up you get, now."

They helped Will drag his trunk to their compartment that, miraculously, hadn't been discovered and invaded. The hours went by quickly. Will turned out to be hilarious, for all he had initially seemed so reserved. They learned he had three younger brothers, that his dad was a Muggle. His mum was a witch though, and had told him all about Hogwarts.

"I hope I'm in Gryffindor," he said excitedly. "It sounds like the best house!"

Em and Lyna exchanged grins. "It is."

Will's eyes widened. "Are you in Gryffindor?"

They nodded. "Yep," Em said. "We'll cross our fingers for you that you'll get in too."

The compartment door slid open and a tall, blond boy stuck his head in the doorway. "Ah, I should have known," he said, looking grave. "When I hear talk of 'getting into' something, I shouldn't be at all surprised that Emerson Potter is somehow involved."

Em blushed crimson while Lyna nudged her and giggled. Emerson had the biggest crush on Etienne Weasley, Hogwarts' new Head Boy. She'd known Etienne her whole life and she thought him to be the most gorgeous specimen of the male gender that she had ever beheld. Those crinkled blue eyes! That too-long blond hair that he was forever shaking aside!

"For your information, Etienne, I was merely expressing my support for Will here to get into Gryffindor House. You know, the one you're a part of?" Em was proud of her voice for not wavering, though her face was still hot and she couldn't quite look head-on at his magnificence and brillia- ahem, his face.

Etienne grinned. "I'm just joking, Little Sis," he said, sprouting that nickname he had for her that Emerson hated because it always brought her back to reality. Which was basically that he was practically her brother. Or at least, a cousin. Deep in her heart, she knew it was all superficial on her part anyway; but it was just so much fun having a crush!

"Welcome to Hogwarts, Will," Etienne was saying. "Now I know I'm not supposed to show favoritism, but just between you and me, Gryffindor is the best house. Good luck at the Sorting."

Will grinned. "Thanks."

"Hey there, Carolyna. See you around, Little Sis. Stay out of trouble, but that's asking the impossible, isn't it?"

The door slid shut behind him and Em huffed. "He makes it sound like I'm some kind of raving terror. Everybody knows that's Marc and Marissa. I only did something like that once and it was an accident!"

"Well, you gotta admit it was pretty funny," giggled Carolyna.

"What did you do and who are Marc and Marissa?" asked Will, his eyes alight with anticipation.

Em leaned back in her seat and pretended to pout as she listened to Lyna tell Will about how she had "accidentally" filled the Great Hall with huge, soap bubbles that smelled like lavender and which refused to pop for hours. It wasn't long, though, before she was laughing too as she recounted how Jerrianne's perfect blonde hair had gotten soaked and how the other girl had freaked out as if it were the end of the world to have limp hair.

That had been the whole point of Em's prank, anyway - although it had gotten out of hand. She'd been given detention but it'd been so worth it, especially with the bonus effect that the soap bubbles had on Jerrianne's hair. They'd turned the blonde's locks a slight, but noticeable, shade of lavender that didn't wash out for a week.

That little thing was extremely weak compared to what Marc and Marissa Weasley got up to, however, and the rest of the trip was occupied with telling Will about the exploits of this set of infamous Weasley twins and the other Weasley grandkids.

When the train arrived at Hogwarts, the girls said goodbye to Will, who would be taking the traditional first-year boat ride to the castle. Em and Lyna took their places at the Gryffindor table, optimistically saving a seat for him.

"Emerson, my girl! How're you?" somebody said loudly right by Em's left ear.

She didn't need to turn around to know who it was. "Hello, Brandon. I'm fine, thanks for asking. And I'm not your girl."

Brandon grinned. "Ah, come on now. Aren't you done playing hard-to-get yet?"

"I don't want to be 'gotten', Brandon," Em said wearily. At least, not by you.

Brandon Wood had been after her since she was ten years old, which Em thought was really creepy. Whenever she'd complained though, the adults had just chuckled and said he just liked annoying her. Well, he certainly did that. He was always at Ballynore since his dad, Oliver Wood, was co-owner of Puddlemere United with Harry and his little brother, Andy, was Ben's best friend.

It wasn't that he was gross or anything; he was actually kind of cute in a generic sort of way, with his brown hair and eyes. Em just didn't like him like that. But the obsession gene ran in the Wood family and Brandon was relentless in his pursuit. Worse, he was a fifth year so she still had two more years of him to endure. Unless something changed before then, which she highly doubted.

"Brandon, I swear to-" Em began.

"Oi, Brandon!" somebody interrupted. "Harassing young Miss Potter already? And term's barely started. Why don't you give it a rest? The girl ain't interested."

"Hey, Marissa," Brandon said to his Quidditch teammate. And to Em's surprise, he blushed. "Just kidding around, you know."

Marissa rolled her eyes. "Leave the girl alone, Brandon, for God's sake."

Brandon grinned. "I will if you give me a peck on the cheek."

Marissa arched an eyebrow. "Don't push your luck, pal." She sat down beside Em, who sighed.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it. You're still trying out for Quidditch next week, right?"

Emerson smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Just then the doors of the Great Hall opened and a long line of first years came in.

"Keep an eye out for Merrick," Marissa whispered, referring to her younger brother who was starting his first year.

A hush fell over the Hall as the Sorting ran its course, punctuated by the periodic outbursts of applause as the new students were placed in their respective houses. Merrick Weasley joined his brother and sister, of course, and Em and Lyna cheered particularly hard when one William Shriver was also placed in Gryffindor.

The meal went by quickly - they were all starving - and after announcements, they went up to Gryffindor Tower. After saying goodnight to Will, Em and Lyna found their dorm, where their trunks had been placed on opposite ends of the room with another bed between them.

"Shit," Em muttered, frowning at the beds.

Last year, hers and Lyna's beds had been right next to each other, which had come in very handy for whispered conversations late in the night. The arrangement had obviously gotten messed up.

Lyna went to check whose trunk was in the middle. "Darn, it's Maria Ingalls'."

One of the Fakers. Em looked around the room. They were the only ones there so far. "Quick, let's switch the trunks before they get here. They'll never know."

They had gotten halfway through shoving Maria's trunk to the other end when the door opened and Jerrianne and the Fakers came in. They stopped short in the doorway, staring down at Em and Lyna who had both frozen when the door opened.

"What're you doing?" asked Jerrianne, wrinkling her perfect nose.

"Hey, that's my trunk!" cried Maria. "What're you doing with my trunk?"

Em straightened up. "We were just... arranging it. See, it was kinda to the side so we wanted it to be clear which bed was yours."

Jerrianne was watching her with a shrewd look. She smirked. "Nice try. Did the two of you get separated? And you were trying to move Maria's trunk so you could be together, right?" She stepped forward regally into the room. "Sorry but sleeping arrangements are final."

Em glared at her. "Says who?"

"Says me," piped up Maria, marching to the middle bed and plopping down onto it. "This is my bed and I'm not moving. You'll have to kill me first."

"That can be arranged," Emerson replied, smiling sweetly. But her eyes told a different story.

Lyna grabbed Em's hand. "C'mon. It's not worth it."

The two girls climbed onto Lyna's bed and yanked the hangings closed.

"Stupid, fucking sheep," Em grumbled. "I bet she doesn't even want to be in the middle like that. She's just doing it because she knows it annoys us and that's what Jerrianne wants."

Lyna didn't answer, only lay back on her pillow. That was Carolyna. She had a serenity to her, like her father Remus, and Em couldn't help but calm down. Now Emerson was generally very even-tempered, but something about Jerrianne Youngleer and her two lamb chops irritated the bejesus out of her.

Her first year she had tried to be nice, to be friendly and Jerrianne had pretended to share the sentiments. It was only when she'd overheard Jerrianne telling Maria and Janie how much she couldn't stand her that Em realized her efforts had been wasted.

That wasn't what made her loathe the other three girls, however. Emerson wasn't so arrogant as to expect herself to be endeared to every living creature. But what she had heard Jerrianne say next about her best friend was what had ensured that Em would forever feel only the utmost dislike for her. Emerson had stormed out of her hiding place and given the three shocked girls a piece of her mind and the 'friendship' had soured dramatically. It sucked that they were in Gryffindor House too, not to mention the same year.

She had never told Lyna what she'd heard Jerrianne say about her. It would only hurt Carolyna, who was the sweetest person in the whole world and whom Em loved like a sister. Maybe she should take a page out of Lyna's book and not let those girls ruffle her feathers so much.

She blew out a deep breath. "You're right. They're not worth it. Besides, we're still in the same room together. And we can always budge up on each other's bed like this, right?"

Carolyna smiled. "Exactly."

"That'll have to wait till tomorrow, though," Em said, stifling a yawn. "I'm completely knackered." She started to open the hangings. "Oh. Good night, sleep tight-"

"- don't let the bed-doxies bite," Lyna finished and they both laughed and hugged each other before Em climbed off the bed.

Ignoring the other girls, she changed into her pajamas and got into her bed. Her last thought before she fell asleep was "This is going to be a great year."

She could not know how wrong she was.

A/N: Here's another chapter! And I want to say profuse thanks to all those who have reviewed. I appreciate it very much, especially as I'm puzzled by the dramatic lack of response considering so many were clamoring for this story - a sequel to "Safe in Harbor". Oh well. Guess you win some, you lose some. Hope you enjoy and drop me a line, if possible. It'd be much appreciated.



Chapter Four - Friendships and Figures


A knock sounded on the shiny mahogany door of Harry's office in Wizarding London. It was mid-morning and Harry had some Quidditch contracts that needed to be reviewed and sent out by the end of the day.

"Come in," he called, without looking up.

The door creaked open and a tall, red-headed man stuck his head in. "Oh, sorry to bother you, Mr. Busy Big-shot Billionaire."

Harry grinned as he laid aside the unbelievably legalese parchment he'd been consulting, happy for a distraction. "Ah, you seem vaguely familiar. Now where- oh yes. You're the manager of that team that we just scrubbed the pitch with the other day. How has the sting faded from your arses?"

Ron laughed as he closed the door and sat across from Harry. "We're coping. And you lot had better get ready because next time, it'll be you who'll be the pitch-mops."

Harry snorted. "Keep talking, Slick Keep jibber-jabbering, cause that's all you'll be able to do."

"Jibber-jabbering?" Ron asked and they burst out laughing.

The men were on opposing teams, but their friendship was as solid as ever. Harry was part owner of Puddlemere United and Ron was Senior Manager of the Chudley Cannons. When Harry had bought Puddlemere with Oliver Wood five years ago, the media had gone into a kind of anticipant hysteria. Speculation ran rampant that the friendship between the great Harry Potter and his longtime best friend, Ron Weasley, would be inevitably strained. Afterall, everybody knew of the rivalry between Puddlemere and the Cannons. Both teams were usually in the top five at the end of a season, and skirmishes between rival fans was not uncommon.

Not that the Quidditch talk between them didn't get occasionally heated and when there was a game between their teams, there was definitely a healthy competitive tension. But Harry and Ron had been friends for too long and had been through too much together to let their jobs come between them.

Indeed, they had laughed over the disgruntled articles that came out in the aftermath of the first Puddlemere-Cannons game with Harry in ownership. Puddlemere had won but all the papers had had to grudgingly sport pictures of Harry and Ron hugging and guffawing away at the end. Quite the scandal that was, judging from the way the media had reacted.

"How're you, Ron?" Harry asked once they'd stopped laughing.

Ron grinned. "I'm good. I'm really good."

And he looked it. The years had lent a maturity to him, given him proportion - both physically and emotionally. He'd always been long and gangly but now, at thirty-eight years old, his height suited him. His hair had darkened somewhat but his freckles were as pronounced as ever, what with him always being outside yelling at his players.

Emotionally, Ron had long ago grown up as well. It said a lot about him that his and Harry's relationship was so great even with the huge professional-level competition between them now. It was no longer merely differences in fame or money, the things that had strained their schoolboy friendship. There were much bigger things at stake, but Ron had come into his own. He had discovered his inner worth and confidence and it suited him.

"How're you? Hermione and the kids?"

"They're great. Emerson just went back to Hogwarts yesterday," Harry said, glancing reflexively at the picture of his family that was perched in a prominent position atop his cluttered desk. Emerson was currently giving Ben bunny ears, while Budget tried to jump up her back. Harry was holding Davina with his arm around Hermione, who was trying to get the kids to stand still. Short of putting Petrificus Totalus on them, she would never succeed, of course.

"Makes you feel old, doesn't it?" Ron commented.

Harry looked up. "What does?"

"This," Ron said, gesturing between them. "Once upon a time, we were the ones going back to Hogwarts. Remember second year and Dad's old Ford Anglia?"

Harry grinned, ruffling the back of his untidy hair. "How could I ever forget? We came that close to being expelled. Or rather, Snape would dearly have loved for that to be true."

"Greasy git," Ron muttered and again their laughter filled the room. They were both on decent terms with Severus Snape these days but that didn't make reminiscing about when they'd thought him to be an evil bastard any less fun.

Finally, Harry sighed and leaned back in his chair. "So what's up with you? Luna, the boys?"

Ron's gaze seemed to turn to a place only he could see and Harry smiled. His friend's happiness warmed his heart and he couldn't suppress a surge of pride that he'd had a hand in bringing them together. With Hermione's help, admittedly, and Ginny to a lesser extent, but it was mostly his work. They had seemed such an odd fit at first, Ron being the loud, volatile person he was and Luna was, well, Luna. Even Harry who'd been the one to try to push them together in the first place had had his doubts.

But now, Ron and Luna had been married seven years and were still going strong. Their son, Joey, had been born exactly nine months after they'd been married (Malfoy still teased Ron mercilessly about his potent Weasley sperm) and Alex had followed two years later. Harry and Hermione were godparents to Joey while Alex and Budget were usually collaborators-in-crime.

"They're wonderful," Ron said at last, his eyes shining. "She's pregnant, did I mention?"

"No, you didn't! Congratulations, man!" Harry said, jumping up to hug his friend. "When is she due?"

"Some time in April. The boys are really excited. When we told them, Joey just burst out 'I hope it's a girl!'," Ron chuckled and he almost seemed to be floating in his seat.

"Girls are great," Harry agreed. "You pretty much helped raise Emerson, so you know how that is. And now, Davina. She's awesome."

"A little princess, that one. She's gonna be just like Hermione. Looks like her so much already, it's kinda creepy. Can't you just see her going "Honestly!" and bossing some poor kid around?"

The two of them chuckled again. "Look at us," Harry mused. "We've turned into a pair of old saps, discussing daughters and due dates. What say we move onto manlier things?"

Ron snorted. "Speak for yourself. But what's this I hear about you lot trying to sign Wildfire Wilson? I thought the Tornados got him?"

And with that, the conversation was off and running in a direction that if Hermione were present, she'd be rolling her eyes in exasperation. Though they would, of course, have the handy excuse that they were merely discussing work.

And what woman can resist a hard-working man?

For Harry, however, he was reconnecting with another of the persons who knew him best and to whom he could tell almost anything; the only other person besides Hermione who knew all he'd been through and had weathered the heavens and hells right alongside him. They were grown men now, with their own wives and children, with their own lives but they were best friends still.

Harry knew they would always be. Because neither of them would have it any other way.

********

Emerson was up and out of her room bright and early on September 2nd. Part of the reason was that she couldn't stand to see the smug looks Jerrianne and the Fakers kept exchanging over how nicely she and Lyna had been split up. Frankly, if Em saw Jerrianne drape herself across Maria's bed one more time, while smirking over at her, she might be forced to do something drastic.

Like maybe strangle the bint with her perfectly straight yellow hair.

A small part of it was she'd realized that she'd forgotten to send an owl to her parents like she'd been asked. She quickly took care of that and went back to the Common room to wait for Lyna, who wasn't at all a morning person and usually needed a lot of time to wake up.

The bulk of the reason, however, was that Emerson was too excited about being back at Hogwarts to stay in bed. It wasn't only Quidditch that she liked about her school. She was a good student who genuinely loved learning and while she wasn't as zealous a reader as Ben was, she did have a healthy appreciation for the library. She'd been raised by Hermione Granger, after all.

"I wonder what class we have first today," she said to Lyna as she poured herself some orange juice in the Great Hall.

Lyna grunted, still not fully awake. "I bet you're hoping for Charms."

"Moi?!" Em gasped in mock consternation, clutching her chest. "Perish the thought!"

"Yeah, right. You're the best Charms student in our entire year, or have you forgotten?"

Emerson grinned. She hadn't. Charms was her favorite subject and tiny, old Professor Flitwick was her favorite teacher. And she wasn't kidding when she said Flitwick was old. He had taught her mum and dad and Lyna's dad before them. Which meant that Em was the third generation of Potter to have Flitwick as a teacher! He was a great one too; hadn't lost his touch at all.

"Morning, girls," came a voice behind them.

"Hi, Annamaria," they chorused upon turning around to see who it was.

Carolyna's older sister was carrying an armload of books. "Here are some more of your books that somehow ended up in my trunk," she said, rolling her eyes which were sky blue at the moment. Annamaria was a Metamorphmagus like her and Lyna's mother, Tonks, and tended to change her hair and eye color at least twice a day.

"Oh, thanks," Lyna said, taking the books. She frowned up at her sister. "Must you have blue and silver hair? Everybody already knows you're proud of being in Ravenclaw."

Annamaria ignored her. "Could you keep an eye out for Intermediate Transfiguration in your things? I cannot find it anywhere and since I had so many of your stuff, it probably ended up in your trunk."

"Ok," Lyna answered softly, turning back to her breakfast.

Em frowned slightly. She knew her friend was somewhat sore about not having inherited the Metamorphmagus trait too and to be honest, she rather thought Annamaria didn't have to flaunt it so much. Em thought Lyna was prettier than her sister, anyway. Perhaps Annamaria thought so too and that was why she felt the need to change so often.

"See you around," the older girl said as she headed back to her fellow fifth years at the Ravenclaw table.

Em glanced over at Lyna, who was still looking a little deflated. Her eyes scanned the breakfast table and she smiled. "Look, Lyna! Chipolatas!"

Her friend looked over and after a few seconds, smiled reluctantly.

"Ni-i-i-i-ice and slightly crispy! Just the way you like them!" She speared one with her fork and wiggled it in her friend's face. To her relief, Lyna laughed and tried to grab it away. They were still mock-wrestling over the chipolata when the post owls swooped in though the ceiling, carrying the morning's mail.

A large, unfamiliar tawny owl landed in front of Emerson and dropped a plain white envelope on top of her toast. The girls left off their playing and Em grabbed the envelope.

"It's probably from Mum," she said, tearing it open. "I wonder why they didn't send Wilbur, though. I've never seen this owl before." Wilbur was the son of Dad's old owl, Hedwig. Ben had named him after the pig in Charlotte's Web, which made no sense to Em. But she wasn't one to talk, no siree, having done her share of bizarre christenings.

"Guess she doesn't want an answer either, cause the owl's already taken off," Lyna commented, buttering her toast.

Emerson didn't respond. She had gotten the letter open and immediately knew it wasn't from her mum. It wasn't her dad's slanty scrawl either. In fact, Emerson was quite sure she had never seen this handwriting before. Something had fallen out of the letter but she ignored it for now, frowning as her eyes skipped to the bottom of the page. In lieu of a signature, there was a smiley face, which told her absolutely nothing.

"That's weird," she muttered.

Lyna looked up. "What?"

Emerson looked over at her. "This isn't from Mum or Dad or anybody whose handwriting I recognize. In fact, there's no signature at all."

Lyna frowned, brushing her still damp light brown locks out of her eyes. "What does it say?" She leaned over to read with Em and her expression quickly became as horrified as Emerson felt.

Kiddo,

At this moment, I'm sure you don't know who I am, but that will soon change. In the fullness of time, if you know what I mean - which you probably don't.

You won't find me using your name in these at all. Such a silly name she gave you. Christ, she always was one for stupid, sentimental prose. Don't bother kidding yourself, however, that this came to you by mistake. If you are the firstborn of the famous H.P., this is for you.

But let's not get sidetracked. I have come to the realization that it is my duty to educate you on what you are. What you really are, I mean. Your family might have led you to believe otherwise, but you are not like them. You are as different as it is possible to be. Because you see, Kiddo, unlike you, they are all innocent (except maybe your father, but that's another tale for another time). They are pure.

And the heart of it all - they were created in the purest of loves, to wax nauseatingly poetic.

You, Kiddo, were not. You were created out of lust, out of physical greed and selfishness. You are a bastard child, as cruel as that sounds. But I wouldn't feel right about sugarcoating the truth for you. You wouldn't like that, am I right?

And if only that were the only difference between you and them! But sadly, it isn't. Because you, Kiddo, are also a murderer. Your very existence cheated someone out of her life (though being the fool she always was, I'm not surprised she let you kill her).

But this is getting long. I will write again soon. And as with any educator, I have given you homework. Enclosed, your first reading assignment. Study it and learn from it. I will know if you haven't and I'm not just saying that.

Oh, and before I forget, don't even think about telling anyone about this. By 'anyone', I mean your famous father, his missus or anyone in any form of authority at that stuck-up school you go to. Once again, I will know if you disobey and you know who will pay? Here's a hint: their names begin with B, L and D. You love them, don't you, Kiddo? If you really do, take my advice: keep that pretty little mouth shut. The innocent need not suffer unnecessarily, after all.

I promise to write again soon. Until then, toodles.



Emerson sat frozen in numb disbelief, staring at the simple and familiar figure that she herself had doodled countless times, that now seemed to be mocking her. Was this somebody's sick idea of a joke? What kind of-

Jerrianne! I'll bet it was her! This is just the kind of thing-

Her head whipped around to stare down the table at Jerrianne Youngleer who was laughing haughtily at something one or the other of the Fakers had said. Em felt a hot rush of anger and fear intermingle in her belly but before she could think of what to do, the sound of paper being crushed made her turn around.

Carolyna's fist was closed tight around something and a second later, Em realized what it was: her 'reading assignment'. In spite of herself, Emerson wanted to know what it was. "Give it to me."

Lyna paled. "You don't have to read it, Em. It's just some sick weirdo trying to get their jollies!"

"Give it here, Lyna."

Her friend reluctantly handed it over, her eyes wide and pleading but Em ignored her. She unwrapped the paper, smoothed it out and immediately wished she hadn't.

It was obviously a news clipping but cut out in such a manner that there was no way to tell what paper or magazine it'd come from or even the date. It was obviously a Wizarding paper though, because the black and white picture of her father was moving as he repeatedly turned his face away from the camera. The headline read:

HARRY POTTER'S ILLEGITIMATE CHILD
The Inside Story

Whomever had sent it and the letter had crossed out 'Illegitimate' and written 'Bastard' instead. Beneath the correction was scribbled:

All the politically correctness these days is rather tiring, isn't it? What I added was what they really wanted to say, but couldn't.



It was more the sight of that diabolical smiley than the words of the headline, or even the correction, that made Emerson's eyes fill up as the blood rushed to her face. She crumpled the clipping again, grabbed her bag and sprang up from the table.

Lyna, her eyes glistening with tears of sympathy, got up too and hurried after her friend. As Emerson rushed past their table, she heard Jerrianne call, "Hey, Kiddo! Where's the fire?"

She stopped dead in her tracks and spun around, her heart pounding, the word echoing in her ears. Kiddo, Kiddo, Kiddo. "What did you say?"

Jerrianne smiled. "Aww, are your little ears going bad? I said, where's the fire? What's the big rush?"

Em ignored her. "What did you call me?"

The other girl looked puzzled. She glanced at her sidekicks, who shrugged. "What? Whe- oh! 'Kiddo'." Her perfect blue eyes widened and she put a hand to her mouth in mock horror. "Oh, you don't like that name? Why not? Is it too common for Pretty Princess Potter?"

Lyna scowled. "Shut up, Jerrianne! Come on, Em."

They turned around and Em let Lyna lead her out of the Great Hall, Jerrianne and the Fakers' laughter ringing in her ears now as well. The girls turned into the first bathroom they could enter and Emerson ran into a stall and shut the door. She heard Lyna close the door of the stall to her right but her friend remained silent, for which she was grateful.

She needed to think. What on earth was that and who had sent it? Was it one of her Dad's old enemies, Death Somethings? Did she know the person? Had Julia?

Being the fool she always was, I'm not surprised...

The unbidden excerpt floated through her mind and she frowned deeply. It sounded like this person had known Julia and hadn't been all that impressed with her. And Jerrianne, calling her exactly what this weirdo had. Was she in on it somehow, or was Em just being paranoid? It wasn't as if the moniker 'Kiddo' was that unusual.

Anyone could have sent it. Her father was the most famous wizard of the age, afterall, and the story of her birth circumstances was just as well-known. And without even a name... would there be any way to find out who had sent it?

Emerson squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed them with the heels of her palms. Outside, she could hear the sounds of her schoolmates beginning to leave the Hall for the first lessons of the new term. They all sounded so happy and unburdened. Shouldn't she be out there too, just as carefree?

And with that thought, Emerson was suddenly furious. Why the hell was she cowering in a bathroom stall just because some maggot with too much time on their hands was trying to 'get their jollies' as Lyna had said? Was it so shameful to be Harry Potter's daughter? Her father was a great man and he loved her. So what if he and Julia hadn't been married when they'd-

More to stop herself from finishing that thought than anything else, she jumped up and unlocked the door. She walked to a sink and splashed cold water on her face, wishing it could penetrate her brain and wash away the thoughts swirling and bumping about inside her head.

"Are you ok?" Lyna asked from behind her.

Emerson took a deep breath. "I will be. It was just a shock, that's all. Why should I let some sick motherfu- sorry - prat mess with my head? I'm stronger than that, right?" She turned around.

Lyna looked relieved. "Of course you are! Want a hug, though?"

Em smiled. "That'd be great, thanks."

When they pulled apart, Em wiped her face and picked up her bag, just as the morning bell rang.

"So are you going to tell your dad?" her friend asked as they hurried to their first class of the day.

Emerson frowned. Was she? Whomever had sent it had said she shouldn't, but why should she listen to them? But did her Dad need to know? This was likely just a prank, wasn't it? Coming to a decision, she shook her head. "Nah. He has enough to worry about, I'm sure. I bet this was just a one time thing."

The two girls looked at each other and Emerson saw reflected in her friend's eyes the exact same question she was silently asking: What if it wasn't?

A/N: Profuse thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! I appreciate it very much. Special thanks to everyone who reviewed "How Much?" as well. I had a great time writing that one, but I'll take this opportunity to say that no sequel to that one is planned. Thanks again and hope you enjoy this chapter - let me know, would ya?

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter is JK Rowling's marvelous sandbox. I'm just playing in it. The poem that shows up in this chapter isn't mine either; it has been merely borrowed for this chapter and belongs to those that it belongs to (which isn't me). If you happen upon any other characters that you don't recognize from canon, however, then they're mine.


Chapter Five - The Keys to Wisdom and Hell


Ben Potter was completely, irreversibly captivated by words. The written word; the spoken word. The nuances of the English language fascinated him: the way the word "stone" could have so many meanings, depending on whether it was used as a noun, an adjective, an adverb or a verb. The way the spelling of a word was no guarantee that that was the way it was pronounced: "psoriasis".

The cannibalistic nature of the English language, the way it stole from other tongues and integrated the loot so thoroughly into itself that the average person isn't aware that the word wasn't English to begin with: "boulevard".

Words had placed their hooks in him from an early age. Harry and Hermione had always read to their children, even after the kids learned how to read themselves. Ben had always been a rabid reader, something his mother enthusiastically encouraged. His Grandpa Granger said Mum had been exactly the same way when she was younger, simply ravenous for books. By the time he was seven years old, for instance, Ben had read a quarter of the works of Charles Dickens and was within sight of the halfway mark.

All that reading was hell on his eyes, of course, so by the time he finished A Tale of Two Cities, he'd needed glasses. The ones he'd been fitted with made him look even more like his father, which Ben thought was infinitely cool. Uncle Remus frequently said he looked more like his grandfather James, though, since James had had hazel eyes too.

But considering the way he was now, it's hard to believe that Ben and the English language weren't always on the best of terms. Like his sister Emerson, Ben had been a very vocal baby - babbling, laughing, assorted noises. But unlike Emerson, who was already saying comprehensible words by the age of eleven months, Ben's first birthday came and went without him saying anything clearer than 'Mama', 'Dada', 'Em' and 'Ol' Bob'.

As the months after his first birthday went by, his parents had become increasingly concerned, Hermione much more so than Harry. Harry just thought Ben would start talking when he was ready but Hermione had gotten upset and said it was exactly that kind of laissez-faire attitude that allowed little problems to expand and overwhelm. And just because Harry didn't want to confront the reality that there might be something wrong with their son was no reason for her to do the-

She had broken down crying then, and Harry had hugged and kissed her and told her of course he was concerned and how could she even think he wasn't?

So Hermione had taken Ben to her former boss and colleague, Dr. Ramesh Garg. They'd had to be mindful of who they told since they were still celebrities. Heck, they couldn't even go out to eat without pictures being taken of them and "experts" analyzing whether there were problems in the marriage based on the way Harry held his fork. So if they'd gotten even a whiff of this...

Dr. Garg had poked and prodded and cast multiple diagnostic Charms on poor, screaming Ben while Hermione wrung her hands out of guilt and anxiety. And in the end, it'd been all for naught as Dr. Garg had merely proclaimed that Ben was perfectly healthy and would simply start talking when he was ready.

Harry had tried very hard not to look smug when Hermione relayed the verdict to him that night. He knew his wife had been really worried. But getting the professional opinion of someone she trusted calmed Hermione down somewhat, though of course her worry never really went away.

Then a little over a month later:

They were outside on the back porch, enjoying the late July dusk. Harry and Emerson were giggling together on the eastern end while Hermione held nineteen-month-old Ben on her lap aboard the swing.

Hermione listened to the whirring of crickets in the bushes beyond and breathed in the clean, night air, which was lightly perfumed by the cherry and apple blossoms in the small orchard. She loved that they lived in the countryside and got to benefit from cleaner air and wide open spaces. Trips into London were definitely enjoyable but she was extremely happy that at the end of the day, she got to come home here to the Hertfordshire hills and to those she loved.

She glanced down at her son, whose hair was sticking out in every direction exactly like his father's. She was secretly proud of that fact. Merlin knew, it was better than having the kid inherit her own fried locks. At least Ben's hair was soft and silky straight, even if it had a mind of its own.

He was being really quiet and she thought perhaps she needed to put him to bed. Just as she started to get up, however, she heard a little voice say:

"Look, Mama. The moon is broken."

Hermione froze and leaned back on the swing, her eyes wide. Even though Ben's little hand was outstretched, pointing up at the crescent moon, a part of her mind didn't dare register that he-

Somewhat dazed, she looked over to where her husband and daughter were. Emerson was laughing and twirling, long hair streaming behind her, in the multi-colored circles of light that Harry was conjuring with his wand. She seemed pretty occupied. So who had spoken?

There was a tug on her shirt and she looked down into Ben's big, hazel eyes. "The moon is broken, Mama," he repeated.

Hermione's mouth fell open and her heart began to palpitate. "Oh my God," she whispered, her eyes not leaving her son's. Ben could talk! Ben could- "Harry!"

She heard her husband come running over and only then did she look up, though she couldn't get any words out.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked, looking alarmed.

Hermione, her eyes filling up with tears of happiness and profound relief, looked back at Ben. "Tell Daddy about the moon, Ben. Tell him about the moon."

Harry stared at her as if she'd suddenly sprouted horns. "Hermione? What-"

"The moon got broken, Daddy."

Harry's head whipped around so fast that she heard his neck crick. Almost absentmindedly, he reached up to rub it while he stared at his son, wide-eyed. Hermione hugged the small boy to her, laughing and crying at the same time.

Not wanting to be left out, Emerson clambered onto the swing beside her mum and brother. "Ben, you can talk!" she exclaimed in delight, grabbing her brother's little hand.

Harry sat down too, his face reflecting the awe and relief that Hermione felt. From not saying any coherent words for nineteen months (besides the names of the four most important people in his life), Ben had suddenly, out of the blue, spoken six words in a perfect sentence! What were the chances of that?

"Somebody cut off a piece," Ben said, pointing at the sky and his parents laughed and hugged him between them while Emerson threw her arms around as much of them as she could and the swing creaked slowly, bobbing gently on the soft winds of love, happiness and relief.

And Ben had never looked back. It had actually been kind of scary how well he talked for someone so young. His intelligence astonished everyone; were he a Muggle, he was what their educators would call 'gifted'. Ron had remarked more than once that Ben made him feel 'unnecessary'.

"I mean, I'm the adult, right? I'm supposed to be giving the information, right? And the kid is supposed to be absorbing it in awe, right?" Ron had whined about a then three-year-old Ben. "So I'm telling Ben about Bludgers. I tell him that Bludgers try to knock players off their brooms. And I pause, expecting him to be wide-eyed and ask 'Why?'. Heck, no! The kid says, as matter-of-factly as you please, 'That's to prevent them from scoring.' That sproglet is not normal! But then again, his parents are as abnormal as they come."

His mum and dad had exchanged a glance then simultaneously put the Rictusempra Tickling Charm on Uncle Ron. Uncle Draco had really liked that.

"So how's your latest book?" Hermione asked Ben the day after Emerson went back to school. Dad had already gone to work so it was just Mum, himself, Budget and Vina at home. The four of them had all slept in and Mum had whipped up a late breakfast. Ben and Budget's school didn't reopen until the middle of the month so they had another two weeks of summer vacation left.

Ben swallowed an enormous mouthful of pancakes and bacon before he answered. "It was ok. I already finished it."

His mum raised her eyebrows. "Already? But that book was at least-"

"658 pages," Ben supplied, leaning over to swipe a piece of bacon from Luke's plate.

"MUUM!" Luke whined, trying to grab it back but Ben had already stuffed it in his mouth.

"Don't be a baby, Budget," Ben drawled as he chewed the stolen bacon.

"I'm not a baby!"

Ben rolled his eyes. "Quit acting like one, then. Cease and desist."

Luke frowned and Ben knew he didn't understand what that meant. But in true Budget fashion, he didn't let that stop him. "You cease and desist!"

Ben grinned at his little brother. "Do you even know what that means? But nevermind, gotta admire your tenacity. But lookie! Bangers. Want them?"

"Yeah!" Luke exclaimed, being the fervent bangers fan that he was. He stuffed one whole into his mouth and chewed with his eyes closed. "Man, this is good stuff! But what's my 'ten-a-city', Ben?"

His mum got up and went into the kitchen and Ben knew it was to laugh. She always listened to them as if she took what they said seriously, and Ben knew she did. Ben hated when people laughed at what he said when he wasn't trying to be funny. If he meant it be serious, why did they laugh? But sometimes Budget just said the funniest things and Mum would leave the room and laugh about it.

That was one of the things he liked most about his mother; she was very considerate of other people's feelings, even kids'.

He looked over at his brother, who was still staring at him, awaiting his answer. "Tenacity means you stick to something. Like just now? I took your bacon and you didn't like that. And even though I said something you didn't understand, you didn't give up."

"Didn't give up," parroted Davina, her face more or less covered with the oatmeal she was eating.

Luke swallowed the last of his bangers. "I see. Wanna chase me outside, Ben?"

"Maybe." Actually, there was a book he'd been hankering to read for years that he finally had his hands on. The Call of the Wild by Jack London. Ben muttered the title to himself under his breath, delighting in the way the words rolled off his tongue. What did that mean? Was it a play on words? How could the wild call? Did it have a voice?

The sound of his mother's footsteps made him look up. "Are you guys done then?" she asked.

The boys nodded and scraped back their chairs. Hermione helped Davina down from her chair and cleaned her up with a quick Scourgify. They all helped clear the table, Davina gravely carrying the silverware to the kitchen. Vina tended to get upset if she was left out of anything so Mum always tried to find some way for her to be involved in whatever was going on.

Hermione thanked them, dropped a kiss on each of their heads in turn and shooed them outside.

"I need to do something for work so try to keep it down out there," she said as she held the door open for them. "And no climbing the trees, Luke!"

"Ok!" Budget yelled in response as he took a flying leap off the back porch and tumbled over, laughing, on the grass below.

Ben heard his mother sigh. "I'm surprised he hasn't broken his neck yet," she muttered as she went back inside.

"Come chase me, Ben!" Luke yelled up at his brother, already crouched in prime take-off position on the ground.

Ben hesitated. The book.. he wanted to know what the title meant. What was the call? It was nagging at him, a maddening itch that could quickly be satisfied if only he could get upstairs and read. Davina toddled off the porch and joined Luke on the grass, turning back to look intently up at him.

Their eyes were shining with anticipation, with the expectation that their brother would come to them. And suddenly, Ben Potter understood. The call. That feeling deep in his gut, the pull of those he loved, of wanting to be with them, of wanting to make them happy.

His book could wait.

He took a running jump off the porch and his brother and sister began scrambling around with sounds of delight. For a fleeting second before it was pushed out of his head by the sheer joy of child's play, Ben marveled again at the ingenuity of the English language. How the word 'call' could mean so many things...


*******

As with almost everything else, there is a flip side to words - an unsavory side that knows how to expertly burrow into a mind and linger, disrupting soothing routines.

Which was why the morning of her second day back at Hogwarts found Emerson up much earlier than usual. She wasn't a morning person, (though not to as repugnant a level as Carolyna) so it certainly wasn't the norm for her to be up a mere hour after dawn. She had slept fitfully and more than once had been startled to realize that she was wide awake. Finally, she had gotten up, put on her bathrobe, checked on Lyna and headed downstairs to the Common room.

She couldn't stop thinking about that mysterious and malicious letter and the article that had accompanied it.

Her first full day at school had been busy and well-scheduled with learning new things about old subjects. History of Magic was the first class of the new term but they'd had Charms right after lunch and Em had been in her element. All thought of what had happened at breakfast was driven from her mind in the happiness of finally opening The Standard Book of Spells, Grade Two in an official setting. By the end of the day, she'd been too busy discussing Quidditch with her classmates and Will, arguing with Germ Forrester about Puddlemere's chances this season to give the letter a thought or a worry.

It wasn't until she'd gone to bed to find herself suddenly unable to fall asleep that she remembered what had happened that morning. And once she started thinking about it, she couldn't stop and neither did the questions. Who had sent it? Why? Was it a prank? What did they hope to accomplish by sending her something like that?

Because there was no doubt in her mind that it had been meant for her. If she'd been at all skeptical upon reading the letter, the headline of the article had vaporized them effortlessly. How many Harry Potters were there in the Wizarding world, anyway?

Emerson sighed and tucked her feet under her in one of the overstuffed old chairs closest to the fire. The room had brightened as she sat and she was only just hearing the early-risers beginning to stir upstairs. Her eyes felt grainy from lack of sleep and she rubbed them, fidgeted in the chair and sighed again.

It was the letter that was bothering her. The article wasn't that much of a shock. Her parents had always been honest with her about the circumstances surrounding her birth, though of course they hadn't told her the whole story until they were sure she could handle it. Because she'd always been told the truth, whenever she stumbled across those old media stories, she was always able to read them with a sense of indifference. The media's attempts to twist the facts had come across as pathetic to Emerson because she already knew what the facts were.

And especially her first year at Hogwarts, upon hearing her name, some of her schoolmates had inquired as to whether such-and-such was true and did her dad really do this and that? Most of them had just been curious but there'd, of course, been the cruel ones - especially Jerrianne - who'd tried to throw that part of her history in her face. To those, Emerson had merely smiled and tossed her head dismissively.

Nobody had ever gone to such a level of malevolence as this unknown letter-writer, however. Whomever it was seemed to want to make sure Emerson knew just how inferior she was considered to be: not even doing her the common courtesy of using her name, just referring to her as 'Kiddo'. Labeling her a bastard and worse, a murderer. That diabolical smiley face.

Threatening her brothers and sister.

What if whomever it was really could hurt Ben, Budget and Vina? Em knew she could never bear it if anything happened to them because of her.

Right there and then, she reaffirmed the decision to keep this just between herself and Lyna. 'There's no need to tell Dad or anybody else,' she mused silently, gazing absentmindedly at the coals flickering in the fireplace. 'Besides, I won't be getting any more.'

A knot of cold unease tightened in her stomach at that thought and she found herself suddenly dreading going to the Great Hall for breakfast. The letter-writer had said he (or was it a she?) would write again and although Emerson was sincerely hoping that that was a bluff, what if it wasn't?

"Emerson?"

She started and looked over to the stairs leading up to the girls' dorm. Lyna was gazing sleepily down at her, rubbing her eyes.

"Hey, Lyna. What're you doing up so early?" Em asked, but already knowing the answer.

It was a custom the girls had that if one of them got up for any reason, they would check that the other was ok. This had been their means of coping with nighttime terrors when, as little girls, they'd allowed themselves to be spooked by horror stories too close to bedtime. The knowledge that the other was safe somehow became a source of comfort. Lyna had obviously checked Em's bed, found it empty and come looking for her; just as Em had checked Lyna's bed before she'd come downstairs earlier.

Old habits die hard. Not that this was a habit Emerson wanted to die any time soon.

Her friend shrugged. "Wondering where you were. Are you alright?"

"Sure. Just thinking," she said, unfurling herself from the chair and getting up. She stretched, crossed the room and paused on the stairs beside Carolyna, who hadn't moved.

Lyna's honey-colored eyes appeared darker in the gray light of the early morning. "What were you thinking about?"

"Stuff, you know," Em said, starting up the stairs again and trying to ignore the twinge of guilt she felt at lying to her friend. It wasn't really lying, was it? She had been thinking about 'stuff'. She just didn't want Lyna to worry about her.

When they reached the door of their room, though, Emerson stopped and turned to her friend. "You're a really good friend, Lyna."

Lyna smiled. "So are you." They pushed open the door and went inside.

"Aww, wasn't that really touching?" sneered Jerrianne, whose bed was right by the door and had apparently heard the exchange.

Em felt a surge of irritation. "It was, wasn't it? Especially to such royalty as yourself whose 'friends' are more like serfs."

The other girl flushed; it was, afterall, rather obvious to anyone who really observed the 'friendship' between Jerrianne, Janie and Maria that the Fakers seemed to live and breathe to cater to Jerrianne's every whim and want. It was something that really pissed Emerson off because her parents had always taught her that nobody was above anybody else. She couldn't understand why Janie and Maria let themselves be "reduced" like that. She'd labeled them "Fakers" because they were hiding who they really were and faking it so as to please Jerrianne, for whatever inane reason.

Emerson didn't notice the other girl's discomfiture, however. She had already turned away, now irritated at herself for rising to Jerrianne's taunt. Hadn't she decided that she wouldn't let herself be so easily riled up?

She and Lyna set to getting ready for the day and went down to the Hall for breakfast. That feeling of dread in her belly multiplied with every step she took but Emerson tried not to show it. She laughed at the bickering between Germ Forrester and Takeshi, two of the Gryffindor boys in her year.

Germaine 'Germ' Forrester was a tall black kid who was a rabid fan of the Wimbourne Wasps and who could typically be found arguing with a rival Quidditch fan. Today, that happened to be Stanley Takeshi, whom everyone called by his last name. Takeshi was short and wore glasses but was much quicker than he looked. He was also more than a little passionate about the Ballycastle Bats, whom Germ had just predicted would not even make the top ten this season.

Takeshi's fervor propelled them all the way to the Gryffindor table and everybody sat, chattering and more or less light-hearted. Em tried hard not to seem any different, though from the glances Lyna was throwing her, she knew her friend wasn't fooled.

"Keep hoping, Takeshi," Germ was saying gravely, patting the smaller boy on the back. "Gotta have hope, my man, even in the face of such terrible odds."

Takeshi shrugged off the hand irritably. "We don't need hope! We'll be getting on that list by sheer talent and arse-whupping!"

Germ snorted and caught Em's eye and she smiled weakly back at him. She picked at her eggs, sitting tensely on the edge of her seat as if awaiting something momentous. Actually, she was. Any minute now the owls would start swooping in and-

"Mail's here!" cried one of the first years, gazing upwards, obviously still awestruck by the whole packages-through-the-roof concept.

Emerson took a deep breath and steeled herself. She gripped her fork tightly and stared at the eggs getting chilly on her plate. But just as things started dropping onto the Gryffindor table, a part of her wondered suddenly why she was so uptight. Didn't she believe that the letter was a one-time thing? Wasn't this all in her head, then? What was she tormenting herself like this for?

She forced herself to look up, at the exact moment that a small spotted owl landed in front of her. Her heart flew into her throat, a freezing ball of dismay snaking icy tendrils through her stomach. The unfamiliar bird had a fat envelope tied to its leg and after staring at it in shock for a few seconds, Em reached out trembling hands to untie it.

But just then, another of her classmates, Dylan Brown exclaimed "Spottie! I'm over here, you stupid fowl!" and the owl hopped away and flew to him.

Emerson lowered her hands slowly to the table, feeling her heart beating wildly as a flood of relief shattered the snowball in her belly. She closed her eyes and gulped mouthfuls of air as the truth sunk in: there was no letter.

There was no letter!

Feeling suddenly ravenous, a smile blossomed on her face as she reached for the stack of toast across from her. "Ah, sliced bread! The best thing since itself!"

She broke into a fit of heady giggles until Carolyna nudged her. "What's wrong with you?"

Em grinned at her. "Nothing, Lyna. Nothing at all is wrong." And she laughed. Oh, she was so relieved. It was stupid of her for worrying so much. Hadn't she told herself it was just a prank, just a one-time thing? Likely the maggot who had sent it had found a job or a lover or something and now had other, hopefully less pathetic, ways of passing time.

Emerson's good mood continued all through breakfast. As they left the Hall, she threw her arm around Lyna's shoulder. "Have you ever heard of 'Mia Carlotta', Lyna?"

"Mia what?" her friend asked, craning her neck over the crowd thronging the corridor.

"'Mia Carl-" Emerson broke off. "Who are you looking for?"

Lyna blushed suddenly. "Nobody," she lied unconvincingly, staring across the Hall.

Em followed her gaze and her eyebrows arched wickedly. "Carolyna Lupin!" she exclaimed.

Her friend's head whipped around, her eyes wide but her cheeks were still red. "What?"

"What?! Don't give me that! You were staring at him, weren't you?" Emerson grinned mischievously, then spun around. "Davis! Davis Chapman! Over he-"

A hand clamped over her mouth, shutting off her shouts. "Don't, Em! Please. I would completely die if he came over here!"

"Ok, ok, I won't call him. But why would you die? I thought you liked him."

Lyna blushed harder. "I do. But I can't talk to him yet!" She not-so-subtly changed the subject. "What were you saying about Mia something?"

Emerson grinned, debating whether or not to let her friend off the hook so easily but in the end she took pity. "'Mia Carlotta'. It's a poem." She threw her arm around Lyna again and they started climbing the stairs to the Transfiguration classroom. "It goes like this:

Giuseppe, da barber, ees greata for "mash,"
He gotta da bigga, da blacka mustache,
Good clo'es an' good styla an' playnta good cash.

"What?" Lyna giggled. "You're making that up."

"No, I'm not. It's a real poem. The second part says:

W'enevra Giuseppe ees walk on da street,
Da peopla dey talka, "How nobby! How neat!
How softa da handa, how smalla da feet."

Emerson was really working the Italian accent and by the time they reached the classroom, both girls were giggling helplessly. They pushed open the door to discover that they were the last ones to arrive, though they were not late, and that Headmistress McGonagall was there.

The girls quickly composed themselves. Why was McGonagall here? She wasn't the Transfiguration teacher anymore.

"Take your seats, please," the Headmistress said briskly.

Em and Lyna exchanged glances and grabbed a pair of desks near the center of the room. Once they were seated, McGonagall turned to the class. "I am sure you are all surprised to see me here. Professor Sanders had some personal matters to attend to so until she returns, I'll be handling this class. Now, I trust everyone has their books?"

The class murmured in the positive and Emerson grinned at Lyna as they reached for their texts. She was feeling mischievous again and as soon as McGonagall turned her back, she leaned over to her friend.

Lyna began giggling before Em had even opened her mouth. "Em, don't!"

He raisa hees hat an' he shaka hees curls,
An' smila weeth teetha so shiny like pearls-

That was too much for Carolyna and she burst out laughing. Em quickly straightened up, fighting to rearrange her face to look as perplexed as everyone else who were turning to see what was going on.

"Miss Lupin, get ahold of yourself," McGonagall said disapprovingly.

Lyna covered her mouth, her eyes filling up with tears of mirth. "Sorry, Prof-" But then she snorted and started laughing even harder. Everybody except Jerrianne and the Fakers was smiling now, though they obviously didn't know what was so funny.

McGonagall fixed Em with a beady eye and Em knew her innocent act had been seen through. "Miss Potter, take Miss Lupin outside until she's regained control of herself!"

The girls stumbled from the room and Em broke into laughter too. After a few minutes, they sighed and leaned back against the wall.

Emerson's green eyes twinkled. "O! many da heart of-" she began.

"Emerson, stop!" Lyna cried, wiping her eyes. "Oh my gosh, you are such a troublemaker!"

"Me?"

Lyna rolled her eyes in exasperation, but she was smiling. "You certainly waste no time, do you? But ready to go in?"

"Yep."

They took their seats again, ignoring the quizzical looks being thrown their way and began to take down the notes from the board. Emerson was feeling herself again, but she didn't dare try anything more while the Headmistress was present. She knew McGonagall hadn't been amused. Which was too bad, really. The woman looked like she could use a little laughter in her life.

"I'm glad there wasn't another letter," Lyna whispered under her breath suddenly and Em smiled over at her.

'Not as glad as I am,' she thought. 'Nowhere near as glad.'


********

But oh, the fleetingness of feelings and emotions!

Because sadly for Emerson, by the end of the week she couldn't even remember what that profound sense of relief had felt like. This was owing to the fact that two days later, an unfamiliar eagle owl dropped a letter in her porridge and there was a letter every third day after that. It was always a different owl which always left within seconds of making its delivery.

By now, she had began to doubt ever having a name to assign to the letter-writer. Invariably, a smiley face was the 'signature' of every letter, which were all just as vicious as the first. The author had so far never wavered from reminding Emerson how impure she was, how different from everyone else.

How irremovable the blood on her hands.

Lyna kept telling her to throw them away unopened. "I mean, Emerson, why would you want to keep reading that stuff?" she pleaded in a whisper as Em stared at the latest epistle. It was Sunday morning and the Great Hall was sparsely populated, since they'd both come down after the breakfast rush. Will was seated across from them, thoroughly enamored with his kippers.

Emerson frowned. Why did she? At first, it'd been mere curiosity. She'd wanted to know what else the writer would say, what else she could be accused of. The mantra had never wavered from "Impure Bastard Murderer".

But still Emerson kept unsealing them, almost as if she'd been cursed into being unable to not open them.

She didn't know why she had this sort of morbid compulsion to read each and every one, sometimes more than once. Kinda like the way people are somehow unable to look away from the blood and gore of a horrific accident. She had read all the enclosed clippings but they didn't really bother her. She was still able to look at them with a jaded eye.

The letters, of course, were a different matter.

If you are anything like she was, and frankly I'd be shocked if you aren't, you are likely more than a little full of yourself. You likely think you're something special. Well, maybe I'm too much of a cynic, but not even having killed someone makes one unique these days. Isn't that something? I can't decide if that's more scary or sad.

I bet she fancied herself some kind of martyr; she was doing the noble thing, sacrificing herself for the poor, innocent babe. Except the babe wasn't so innocent, afterall - being born with blood on her hands, what irony.

But one thing I'm sure of, Kiddo, you aren't anything special so it would benefit you to do away with that kind of thinking. Self-delusion is, afterall, a terrible thing.

"What're you reading?" Will asked, somehow managing to tear his attention away from the kippers for a second.

Emerson looked up, trying to tell herself that what she'd just read hadn't stung. Self-delusion. "Just a letter."

"Who from?"

"Smiley," she invented on the spot, folding the parchment and stuffing it in a pocket of her jeans. Well, at last she had a name! Sort of. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that. Emerson suddenly wanted to get out of there.

"What kinda name is 'Smiley'?" Will wondered out loud. He frowned when she jumped up. "Hey, aren't you gonna eat your kippers?!"

"No, I'm not, Will. Ain't that a scandal?" Emerson grinned at his incredulous expression and turned to her best friend. "You coming, Lyna?"

Carolyna hesitated, glancing at her pancakes then put down her fork. "Yeah."

Em felt a rush of warmth at the selflessness of her friend. "No, you stay and finish," she amended quickly. "I'll meet you back in the Common room."

"Are you ok?"

She smiled. "Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

But as she climbed the stairs to Gryffindor Tower, she felt an odd lump rising in her throat.

But one thing I'm sure of, Kiddo, you aren't anything special...

Emerson knew she didn't have a big head. She had always been friendly and outgoing. She had always treated people the way she wanted to be treated. She didn't consider herself better than anybody, not like Jerrianne. The other girl had tried to turn the fact that Em's father was Harry Potter into grounds for a case that Emerson therefore had a superiority complex. And that was an outright lie. Her father didn't let his fame define him so she had never had any reason to let the fact that he was her father define her.

But Emerson Potter did like herself. She did think she was special. Her family had always showered her with love, had always taught her that she should be proud of who she was and to not change for anybody.

And someone was trying to take that away from her.

Who was sending her these things? Why did they hate her so? And, perhaps most troubling of all: why did they want her to know it?


********

End Notes:

1. The "sliced bread" line is from "Good Eats" on the Food Network. Alton Brown is almost as cool as Jamie Oliver. Almost.

2. The poem "Mia Carlotta" is by T.A. Daly and is owned by him and whomever else owns it. It ain't mine. The full poem can be found here: http://www.bartleby.com/104/51.html.

NEXT CHAPTER: We finally meet the "she" from the Prologue who has been writing to Emerson. Till next time, rock on and drop a review!

A/N: Just want to say THANK YOU!! to those who reviewed the last installment. I appreciate it very much! And this is a looong chapter, where you meet the woman from the Prologue. I'd very much appreciate any comments y'all can leave. Next chapter it will be some Harry/Hermione quality time. Enjoy and thanks again.


Chapter Six - Masquerade


Wrapped in a plush, expensive terry bathrobe, the woman sat gazing out the third storey window of her Inverness flat, while she sipped from the large ceramic mug in her hands. She swallowed slowly, consciously tracking the progress of the warm liquid as it traveled into her stomach and diffused its heat through her being.

Licking her shapely red lips, she smiled lazily. It was amazing the differences in the drinking habits of British and American people. Everybody knew 'tea' was practically synonymous with 'British' and the sheer number of "Tea Times" was enough to boggle the mind. High tea, Low tea, Evening tea - no time was the wrong time for tea if you were in Britain.

Americans, on the other hand, had been primarily coffee people ever since the colonists told King George to take his tea and his taxes and shove them where the sun didn't shine. Though not in so many words, of course. She felt a pride about that which went beyond mere patriotism. The New England blueblood that flowed in her veins could be traced back to a prominent participant in the initial stirrings of the Revolutionary War.

She'd been spending the majority of her time in this country for quite a while now and she really wasn't a tea person so-

'Thank goodness for Starbucks, that's all,' she thought, taking another sip of her Cappuccino.

Setting the mug down, she stood up to her full 5'10" and stretched languorously. All her muscles ached in that pleasurable way that they always did after an energetic and satisfying round of sex. Her lover had just left; Jack was his name. Twenty-two year old University student, tall, dark and handsome.

It was his hands that had caught her eye first when he'd handed her the mug of black coffee on her first visit to the local Starbucks a year ago. They'd struck up a conversation and less that a week later, were in bed together. She'd laid out the rules of the arrangement right from the get-go. This was not a relationship; it was even less than a fling and he had no claim to her. Besides, she was only down here a few times a year. She found that it was very handy to have a boy-toy in every city she had to visit on a regular basis and Jack was merely the one for down here.

The sooner he learned that, the better and she made a concerted effort to be disinterested in his life outside her bed.

For instance, she knew he was in college but she hadn't the faintest clue what he was studying and no inclination to find out. His body was what she wanted, no pillow talk attached. That might sound cold but hey, he seemed to like the arrangement too. Weren't most young men of that age in near-constant arousal but not wanting any sort of commitment?

It was a win-win situation - she got her needs met while in Inverness and he, in addition to the needs thing as well, doubtless received an ego-boosting. He was, after all, involved with as sensuous a Mrs. Robinson as she was.

Not that he knew her real age or anything.

She reached up to unwound the towel that was wrapped around her wet hair and laid it over the back of the chair. Now that Jack was gone, she could charm her hair dry instead of doing it the Muggle way. She tended to go for Muggle men, for some reason. Maybe it was the knowing that she was something more than they thought she was that gave her such a thrill of power.

She walked over to the obsessively neat coffee table and spotted her wand poking out from where it'd been hastily hidden. Reaching for it, her eyes landed on the scroll of parchment that had been the initiator of this afternoon's whole sequence of events. Reading it had filled her with such rage. Who the hell did they think they were anyway, messing with her perfectly structured life? Had they any idea how hard she'd worked to get everything, even her future, arranged just so? And by merely sending her that piece of tree pulp they'd effected numerous little cracks in the painstakingly constructed masterpiece that was her life.

Instead of doing something drastic and destructive, she'd rung Jack and he'd played hooky from work to come over, bearing a large container of Starbucks product as usual. She'd channeled the anger and fear she felt about the letter into the kind of violent copulation that requires a good nap to recover from. The nap had been good for her and she and Jack had hit the showers, had much gentler sex and then he'd had to leave.

Which was just as well. She needed to think.

Ignoring her hair for the time being, the woman sat back down and picked up the letter, holding it up to the light of the early afternoon. It was from some kind of probate lawyer, informing her that there was in fact another heir to the family fortune. Apparently, this other person had no idea that she had inherited a nice sum of money because the lawyer couldn't find her.

"And there's no reason for that to change," she said, smoothing out the parchment. "What this Margaret Montgomery Lovejoy doesn't know can't possibly hurt her."

One thing was for certain, if the length of the name was any indication, this Margaret was definitely her cousin. Her family had a knack for long-winded names and hers wasn't any exception.

She smiled to herself as she traced the letters of her name in the addressing of the letter - Cristella Montgomery. When she was much younger, she had hated her first name. Everybody but her mother called her 'Stella', anyway.

She'd made the mistake once of interrupting her mother during one of her martini 'therapy' sessions to complain about it. "Why couldn't you have just named me that? Just 'Stella'?"

"If I'd wanted to give you such a whorish name, I would have," her mother had spat waspishly, the martini glass wobbling in her hand. "Though that does seem to be all you're shaping up to be. Now get out of my sight!"

She was eleven years old that day.

And although one would never know it from their later relationship, once upon a time, Cristella and her mother had been as close as a mother and daughter could possibly be. Though now when she thought about it, her mother had always treated her more like a pampered poodle than a child. An extravagant accessory. This was made much easier by the fact that Cristella had been the kind of cherubic, photogenic child that caused perfect strangers to stop on the street to ooh and ahh over her. And if there was one thing that Cookie Montgomery - her mother - loved, it was attention and that was what Cristella brought even more of.

Until she'd made the mistake of growing up, of developing breasts, of getting taller and shapelier than her mother. Until her mother's many male friends began pretending to listen to the older one while their eyes lingered on the younger.

And with the speed of a runaway train, just like that the idyllic relationship was gone. Cristella had been understandably hurt and confused by the drastic change in her mother's attitude towards her but with a childlike hope, she'd held onto the belief that things could go back to normal.

"And what are you crying for now?" the adult Cristella asked herself in the otherwise empty living room in Inverness. "It's all in the past. Get over it! You've moved on and conquered that old bag anyway!"

But the tears kept coming; the memory of the next major event was still painful enough to crash through her carefully constructed walls, even now. Because was there anything more agonizing than the premature death of your childhood and all that that represented? The innocence, the joy? The hope?


The annual Christmas Eve party was in full swing in venerable old Montgomery Mansion. Outside, all the world was white and the snow was still gently wafting down, obscuring all her favorite Cape Cod landmarks. Inside, however, it was deliciously warm - enough for Cristella to wear the new strapless black gown that her mother had bought her.

Her chestnut hair was arranged in cascading ringlets that framed her face and her mother had let her put on a little eyeshadow that brought out her blue eyes nicely. Her well-defined features, a proud nose and shapely lips - tinted with the faintest smidge of lipstick, just for tonight - culminated in an attractive jawline. At her throat, she was wearing a sapphire choker that had been in her family for generations.

In short, Cristella looked grand and she knew it. She looked and felt much older than her twelve years.

All around her, people were milling around the large lavishly decorated ballroom that she knew had taken the house-elves weeks to beautify. She thought they'd done a good job; not that she would ever tell them that. Why express gratitude for something that was supposed to be done anyway? And besides, she couldn't stand being near them. They all looked so creepy, all bulbous eyes and floppy ears.

The twelve-piece orchestra (that was ridiculously overpriced, she'd heard her mother griping) set up on the platform overlooking the room was playing a slow waltz that had her itching to get on the floor with the other couples.

Smiling to herself, she tried to imagine someone asking her. "Oh, thank you, Tom Cruise. I would love to dance with you!" Nah, Tom Cruise was much too old. And besides, he was a Muggle. Hmm.. ah! "Yes, you may have this dance, Harry Potter. And thank you for the compliment! I think your eyes are gorgeous too."

Harry Potter was ridiculously famous and all the girls at her school had huge, unattainable crushes on him. Who better to dance with, to incur all their collective envies?

"May I have this dance?" somebody asked right behind her and illogically the thought that Harry Potter had magically materialized to ask her actually flitted through her mind. Upon spinning around, however, her eyes widened at the sight of John Macy, her mother's latest boyfriend, smiling down at her.

And you thought this was Harry Potter? Please. He's two years younger than you are, anyway and what would he be doing in Cape Cod to begin with?

Besides, the look of open admiration in John's eyes was incredibly thrilling and she set down her tumbler of cranberry juice and let him lead her to the floor. The waltz had turned faster and she felt so grown-up being twirled and rocked across the room. She felt like she would never stop smiling again and when the song ended, quite a few people cheered them.

"Whew! Was that something or what?" John said with a laugh. "You're truly nifty on your feet. But now I'm parched. Would you like a drink?"

Cristella was still too delirious by what had just happened to articulate a reply. "Um-" she began but was cut off by the elf that suddenly popped up with a tray bearing glasses of burgundy wine.

"Here you go, sir and miss," the elf squeaked, bowing.

John plucked two glasses off the tray and shoved one into her hand before she could react. Cristella stared at the glass, her euphoria rapidly vanishing. "Er, I'm not allowed to drink wine yet. I'm not old enough."

"Then it'll just have to be our little secret, won't it?" John whispered with a wink. He grabbed her hand suddenly. "Or better yet, let's go where they can't find out. Out of sight, out of mind and all that."

He led her out onto one of the glassed-in balconies off the ballroom that looked over onto the grounds. Cristella fidgeted nervously, brushing her hair from her face, unsure of what to do. Would her mother get mad if she drank it? But John was telling her to. Shouldn't she listen to him?

"Well, go ahead. Take a sip," he prompted, grinning down at her.

Hesitantly, she obeyed and immediately broke into a coughing fit as the liquid burned its way down her throat. She wasn't aware of him moving but suddenly he was right in front of her, standing so close that even through the water in her eyes, she could see the small freckles on his nose.

The next thing she knew, his mouth was on hers and she had gone completely rigid. She'd been pecked on the lips before, just silly games with classmates. But never the way John was kissing her, hard and demanding. His tongue worked its way into her mouth and her eyes widened in shock. Abruptly, his lips left hers and wandered to her neck and she could hear him muttering. "So beautiful.. so soft.. smell so good."

Her heart was pounding and she was terrified. What was happening? Why was he doing this? Wasn't he her mother's boyfriend?

He pulled away and cupped her face. "Y'know, your mother's beauty is legendary in these parts. But I do believe you'll put her legend to shame."

And he kissed her again, gentler this time and somehow spun her around so she was facing the glass doors to the inside of the house. Her eyes were still open and they widened further when she saw her mother staring out at them with such a look of profound hatred that she found the wherewithal to jerk away from John.

"Wha-" he began but then he caught sight of Cookie too and his expression rapidly morphed into an ugly look. "And what d'you think you're doing drinking wine? Get back inside!"

"But you gave it to me!" Cristella exclaimed in bewilderment, baffled by his sudden personality shift.

John glanced at the doors, through which Cookie was striding towards them. "Shut up!"

"Come here, Cristella," her mother said in a surprisingly gentle tone of voice given the circumstances, her blue eyes completely blank.

She went to her mother, who took her hand and led her back inside the house without a word to John. They weaved their way through all the party guests, and her mother smiled and chattered, telling them that, "Cristella has to say goodnight. We can't have her glimpsing Santa now, can we?"

Hand in hand, they climbed the stairs to Cristella's room and her mother shut the door. "So what was happening with you and John?" she asked, still in that same gentle voice.

Cristella suppressed a sigh of relief. She'd thought her mother would be mad or blame her for what had happened. The horror she'd felt earlier began welling up inside her again. "Oh, Mom! I don't know what happened. He just started kissing me like-"

SMACK!

The young girl's head snapped back violently from the force of the blow. Her mother who had never ever hit her before had just slapped her across the face with all the force she could muster. Cristella's eyes filled up with tears of shock and pain as she gaped open-mouthed at the woman she'd idolized, the woman who was now looking at her with profound loathing.

"You lying little slut! John loves me. He would never-"

"But he did!" Cristella burst out, tears spilling down her throbbing, heated cheeks. "He did, Mom! He gave me wine and then he started kissing-"

"Even if he did-" her mother hissed right in her face. "-it wasn't his fault. Do you think I'm stupid? It's never the man's fault, sweet little Stella. They can't help how they are. It's the woman who flirts and charms and even, I dare say, enchants them into doing what they do. So don't give me any of that rubbish about you didn't do anything. You're always doing something. Remember that."

She stepped back, her eyes hard and glinting. "Now, I'm letting you off easy this time. But trust me, if I ever see you.." She trailed off, breathing deeply. Then suddenly, she smiled so sweetly that if someone had happened upon them at that instant, they'd've been touched by the way the woman was gazing at her child. "Merry Christmas, Stella."

And she was gone.

Cradling her aching cheek, Stella walked over to her bed and lay down, completely stunned. That night, she cried herself to sleep, the first of many such nights.


She'd awoken in the morning to discover that her jaw was red and painfully swollen. Her mother had come into the room fairly early, bearing a tray filled with delicious-smelling foodstuff and had acted horrified by the sight of her daughter's face.

"Who did this to you, Stella?" she'd asked, tears shining in her eyes. "Was it one of the guests? Tell me and I'll make them pay."

And Cristella had stared at her mother, feeling so confused and angry and loathing this woman who she still, paradoxically, loved too much to say, "It was you. You hurt me, Mom."

But from that day on, she didn't hope for things to go back to normal anymore. She knew they never would. Her mother's behavior, unpredictably swinging from loving to hurtful and back again, quickly taught her to be wary, to be always on the defensive. And from being mostly perplexed by all the male attention she was receiving, she began welcoming it, encouraging it, enticing it. And she made sure to never ever lose control again, to never get into such a situation like the one John had manipulated her into. If there was going to be any manipulating, she would be the one doing it, no one else.

John never touched her again but she frequently felt him watching her. He and her mother broke up not long afterwards but she never forgot what he'd said about her shaming her mother's legend. Unconsciously, that became her mission - to be better at everything her mother had ever undertaken.

And that included the startlingly convincing acting prowess that her mother used to charm everyone and conceal her true neurotic self. Cristella got so good at it that she could fool even herself with what she said and did. Although her life had not been without its rough patches, that ability had made everything so much easier. Not to mention the near-pathological aptitude to twist any situation to present herself in the most favorable light possible.

Only one person had ever jolted her so much from her one-woman performance that she'd had to confront the reality of her life and actions.

******

Wanting suddenly to get away from her memories, Cristella had left her flat to go wandering around downtown Inverness. She'd browsed through the stores but didn't buy anything and had eaten dinner with a few people that she came to the city to do business with.

Upon heading back to her apartment, however, she found herself thinking about Julia Thomas and how things had turned out the way they had. The day she saw Emerson Potter in Dallas had been the day everything began falling apart. The girl just looked so much like Julia, too much, and she'd thought herself completely and eternally free of that woman.

Because that woman had been the only person ever to make her acknowledge the fact that she was a lie. And Cristella couldn't bear that. Her dream world was a defensive mechanism and when threatened, even the most primitive of animals lashed out. Should one expect any less of as complex a creature as a human being?

"No," she said out loud, heading to her bedroom closet for the box in which she kept all her Julia/Emerson-related papers. Carrying it back to the living room, she set it on the coffee table and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of it.

There was a picture of Julia Thomas charmed to the inside of the box cover beside one of Emerson Potter. Were not for the eye color discrepancy, one would think that they were pictures of the same person at two different chapters in her life. As far as Cristella was concerned, they were the same person - come back from beyond the grave to taunt and harass her ordered existence.

So she was merely protecting herself here. The best defense is a good offense, didn't they say?

"The funny thing is, I could have liked you, Julia," Cristella said to the empty frame she had picked up from inside the box. The frame contained a picture of her nemesis, who was usually mutely yelling at her, but sometimes the portrait decided to revert out of sight and this was one of those times.

"In fact, I probably would have if we'd met in almost any other circumstance than the one in which we did."


It was the second day of her fourth year at Berkshire Academy of Magic and Cristella Montgomery could be found happily bounding down the stairs to the Main Hall. She was in a great mood. Last night, she and her boyfriend had made love and while it wasn't their first time together, it'd been the first time that she'd reached fulfillment. It'd been incredible and she'd never felt so close to him before. He'd wanted to leave right afterwards but she'd just told herself that he needed his sleep and she was a supportive girlfriend so of course she wouldn't try to hold him back.

It'd been hard enough to snag him in the first place.

They'd been classmates since their first year at Berkshire but for some reason, Cristella had never noticed Logan Brunswick until her third year. Which was mind-boggling because, oh Lord, was he gorgeous! He was the clichéd All-American boy, funny, smart, athletic. He was the most popular guy in their year and since she was the most popular girl, she'd decided that they belonged together. He just didn't know it yet and it was up to her to bring him that enlightenment. Together, as the best of their school, just imagine how much power they could wield over their fellow students!

Her acting skills had come in very handy in securing her spot at the top of the social ladder. To everyone, she was this perky, friendly female who was ever so nice. She used her skills to get almost anything she wanted. Secretly, nobody was worth her time or energy but that would make for a very lonely existence, no? So she acted, with flawless perfection.

But anyone who got in her way had better watch out.

For instance, one male teacher who had somehow seen through her façade had found himself without a job, by some niftily shed tears and a shocking tale about inappropriate looks, words and touches. So what if his dismissal shocked and saddened all those saps to whom he was a favored mentor? So what if her story was a lie? For all they knew, she really had spared some innocent young girl from such horror. He did have a rather creepy look to him, anyway.

But strangely, Logan never treated her the way nearly every other guy did. He never looked at her as if he wanted to run his hands through her hair just to see if it really was as soft as it looked. He never flushed and fidgeted when she licked her lips a certain way, not like the other boys in her class did. At first she'd thought he was gay, but then she'd happened upon him kissing an older girl and he'd seemed to be enjoying himself tremendously.

He just seemed to ignore her and that had both infuriated her and made her all the more determined to have him. She'd put all her charms and smiles and pseudo-personality into action and by Christmas of that year, they were at least on speaking terms.

But she wanted more - she wanted to own him - and it'd taken an embarrassingly vulgar conversation with her half-drunken mother to give her the idea of how to make him truly hers. And it'd worked, to a point. She and Logan had lost their virginities to each other, both of them barely into their teens. It'd been a painful but mercifully brief experience. But she'd been elated that finally, she'd gotten what she wanted. She'd gotten him.

In retrospect, it probably hadn't been the best idea to do that the day before they went home for the summer. She'd written to him numerous times but he only wrote back once or twice. Of course she simply convinced herself that that was just how boys were, hardly "faithful correspondents". But upon arriving back at school two days ago, there was no mistaking that he was embarrassed by what had happened between them at the end of last term. Sure, he hadn't wanted to do it in the first place, but hadn't he eventually succumbed to her ministrations? The body doesn't lie about what it desires.

She'd been incredibly hurt by his attitude. As far as she was concerned, he had gotten the better end of the bargain by being with her that way. Couldn't he see how all the other boys watched her, wishing they could be as lucky as he was? The least he could do was show a little gratitude! But she had hidden her bruised feelings away expertly, and surely as a reward for her candor, he'd come to her last night and the magic had happened.

She couldn't wait to see him, to tell him how much it had meant to her. Wasn't that what a girl was supposed to say after something like that?

"Hey, Stella!" various people called out and she returned the greetings with genuine friendliness for what was probably the first time ever, so good was her mood.

Upon entering the Main Hall, she saw him sitting over by the west wing of the Hall, his blond head thrown back as he laughed at something his friends were saying. For a moment, she actually felt something other than the possessiveness and mild hatred that she felt towards him for hurting her feelings.

Shaking her head, she looked instead at the group of guys he was always with. She'd tried to get him to leave them - they took away from her time with him and her efforts to bring him under her control - but he'd gotten really irritated with her at the suggestion and she'd let the matter drop. She hated those guys, though; she always got the feeling that they were secretly mocking her, even as their eyes lingered too long on her chest and behind.

Halfway across the Hall, Cristella raised her hand to wave at him just as a small girl with long, dark hair, obviously a first year, bounded up to him and playfully punched him on the shoulder. Cristella let her arm drop slowly in confusion, half-expecting him to push the girl away in annoyance. What she wasn't prepared for was for him to jump up, throw his arms around the girl and swing her around with such a look of joy on his face.

Has he ever looked at me like that? The thought floated unbidden through her mind as she watched his friends crowd around Logan and the girl, their chattering drifting all the way across to where she was standing frozen in aching disbelief. Shaking her head again, she started briskly towards them, feeling the disbelief being shoved aside by the hot anger swelling within her.

Who was this fresh little tart with such a lack of manners? Didn't she know he was taken?

"Oh shut up, Logan, or I'll tell them about that time with the ants' nest!" the dark-haired girl was exclaiming. Up close, Cristella realized that everything about the girl was dark - her hair, her eyes, mocha-colored skin.

Logan blushed, his blue eyes wide. "You wouldn't."

"Oh yes, I would," the girl sang then burst out laughing at the look of horror on his face.

"What about the ants' nest? What happened?" asked Quincy, the tall black guy that Logan played Quodpot with.

The girl grinned mischievously. "Well, Logan-"

Her words were cut off as Logan's hand clamped over her mouth but he was laughing too.

And then he caught sight of her and the smile died on his face as the hand fell away from the girl's mouth. "Oh hi, Stella."

It was as if cold water had been doused on the scene based on how rigid everybody suddenly became. Everybody but the little first year.

"Oh hi!" she said brightly. "I'm Julia Thomas. And your name is Stella?"

It was right on the tip of her tongue to snap, "No, it's Cristella and don't you forget it!" But a quick glance around indicated that everyone was gazing at this Julia Thomas with unabashed fondness so summoning her best 'Pleasant!Stella' mask, she smiled. "Yes, I'm Stella. Nice to meet you. Where do you know Logan from?"

"Oh, we grew up together. Our parents are old friends so we've known each other since he was three and I was a newborn, basically," the girl chirped with nauseating cheerfulness.

"Yeah and a right little pain in the ass you were too," Logan said, scowling good-naturedly.

The girl tossed her head with a scoff. "Keep telling yourself that, Brunswick. But think what a joy it would be to share that little tale involving Oklahoma, a cocky little fellow and a mad bull? How was that for a 'pain in the ass'?"

There was silence for a few seconds as the other boys tried to work out what that meant. Logan was blushing scarlet and Quincy suddenly grinned. "Oh! That scar on your butt, Brunswick?"

Realization coming, the other boys doubled over and howled with laughter, but far from that reaction, Cristella was livid.

'So that's how he got that scar,' she mused silently, glancing from the giggling Julia to the red-faced but laughing Logan. She'd asked him about it that very first time and probably every time afterwards but he'd never once answered her, saying it was personal. Yet here he was laughing about it as if it was nothing, this fresh little first year having broadcast it to all and sundry.

Illogically, she decided that his behavior to her was all Julia Thomas's fault and she did nothing to suppress the hot rush of dislike that flooded her stomach. Who the hell did this little bint think she was, anyway? So what if they'd grown up together? He was her boyfriend; he belonged to her.

Rearranging her face to hide her fury, she plastered on a smile. "Logan, how about we get some breakfast? I'm starving," she said loudly and just as quickly as before, a cold silence fell over the group.

Logan frowned, glancing at Julia as if debating leaving her.

"Oh, that's ok. Go on," Julia said. "Merry's waiting for me at our table."

"Merry? She's here too?" Logan asked with obvious delight and Cristella found that she hated this Merry already.

"Of course. We're inseparable, remember? But I'll see y'all later or around," she said. "Bye."

And Cristella watched her boyfriend watch Julia Thomas, still with that same fond expression and found that the dislike in her gut was rapidly morphing into loathing.


"But I couldn't do anything then, could I, Julia?" Cristella asked the empty frame. For some reason, she was suddenly in the mood to revisit the whole thing. "The way people acted at school, you must have thought you were some kind of royalty. So what if you were friendly and outgoing? So was I! So what if you started getting pretty? I was that first and way more than you could ever hope to be."

These feelings and thoughts frequently kept her up at night these days, ever since she bumped into Emerson Potter in Dallas. She lay awake obsessing about the younger girl that her boyfriend seemed to rather spend time with. What did Julia Thomas have that she didn't? Hadn't she given him the most precious part of herself? They were meant to be together, dammit so why was he still fighting it?

She didn't realize that she was thinking in the present tense, as if it all were an ongoing trial instead of being more than twenty years in the past. How could she, when Julia Thomas's reincarnation was out there, mocking her still?

The old frustration welled up within and she stood up abruptly and stalked to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of white wine. She never touched red wine of any kind. Too many painful memories associated.

Taking a sip, she sat down again as the memories emerged of the day her feelings about Julia Thomas had truly crossed the threshold.


It was a week before the Spring Formal Dance of her fifth year and she was extremely excited. She loved any opportunity to dress up and show off her refined bluebloodedness, show these amateurs how it was really done without her disdain being too obvious, of course.

But right now, she was looking for Logan. She needed to know what time he wanted them to meet for the dance, so she could plan everything right up to that second. Upon reaching the Quodpot stands, however, the happy excitement inside turned to irritation. Julia Thomas and Merry Reynolds were sitting in the stands cheering the players in the air.

"What the fuck are they doing out here?" she muttered. "Don't they have friends in their own year or what?"

But rearranging her face into pleasantness, she strode over to them. "Hey girls!"

"Stella! Hi," Julia said, smiling widely and all of a sudden Stella was aware of just how attractive the younger girl was. How had she not noticed it before? And this fly was hanging around her man? Oh heck, no!

"Hi Julia. What's up?" she managed with convincing amiability.

"The boys," was the giggled response and she forced a grin. Glancing over at Merry, she saw that the blonde girl was regarding her with barely concealed dislike and frankly, the feeling was mutual. Stella knew Merry wasn't really fooled by her friendly act; she wasn't as open and guileless as her best friend so Stella had to take extra care not to tip her off.

"So you're going to the Formal, of course?" Julia was asking.

Stella nodded. "Of course."

"Man, I wish I could! I love to dance. But you have to be in third year and above to go."

'And thank goodness for that,' Stella thought. 'You'd probably get Logan to spend all the dances with you.' Her blood churned at the thought and she had to force herself not to scowl.

"So who are you going with?" Julia asked, gazing up at her.

Cristella laughed with slight asperity. They hadn't really discussed it but he was her boyfriend so it was a given. "With Logan, of course. He's my boyfriend, after all."

There was a brief silence. "He's your boyfriend?"

You better believe it, bitch! "Yeah, he is. Why?"

"That's weird," Julia said, frowning. "I asked him if you were his girlfriend and he said no. Remember, Merry?"

"Yeah," Merry replied with an unmistakable smirk.

A strange ringing began in her ears as she felt her carefully ordered plans beginning to slip. That bast- no- these bitches! What were they doing questioning Logan about her business? Surely he'd merely lied to them because frankly, he was under no obligation to tell them a damn thing.

She glanced over at them to see Julia looking sympathetically at her but which Stella, through her simmering rage, deciphered as pity.

How dare she? Does she think I want or need her pity? "Oh, you know Logan," she said more tersely than she'd wanted. "Always joking about."

"Ri-i-i-ght," drawled Merry sarcastically and Stella seriously came that close to slapping the little witch.

Jumping up instead, she faked a sigh. "But I just remembered I have some homework left to finish up. I'll catch Logan later."

And not waiting for a response, she hurried off the field, feeling fury swelling up and overflowing. More than a few people leapt out of her way in surprise as she stalked up to her room and slammed the door. Sitting down on her bed, she grabbed the picture of Logan that was on her nightstand and threw it hard across the room. The sound of the glass shattering seemed to bring her to her senses and she closed her eyes and took deep breaths, willing herself to calm down.

"It's not his fault. It's her," she muttered repeatedly. "It's not his fault. It's her."

Because she had never forgotten her mother's words to her on that Christmas Eve night.

'It's never the man's fault, sweet little Stella. They can't help how they are. It is the woman who flirts and charms and, I dare say, enchants them into doing what they do.'

"Reparo! Accio!" she whispered, pointing her wand at the broken picture and setting it gingerly back on the nightstand. "It's not your fault, Logan. And I'm gonna free you from her. I promise."

She lay back on her pillow, trying to devise ways of getting back at Julia Thomas without it being too obvious. But she must have fallen asleep instead because the room was suddenly dark and glancing at her clock, she realized it was after six.

"Shit," she murmured, bounding off the bed. She went to the bathroom to freshen up, then headed out to look for him again. She needed to know so she could make her plans. Unable to find him anywhere, she decided to go by the Quodpot locker rooms. She'd once snuck in while he was alone taking a shower and after getting over his initial irritation, he'd enjoyed himself tremendously, she recalled.

Upon reaching the lockers, she paused at the door, debating whether to go in. Deciding to just peek in real quickly, she opened it a little bit and heard the chatter of male voices.

'Dammit,' she thought. 'I'll have to wait till later because there's no way I'm talking about our business in front of those buffoons.'

She started to close the door but the sound of her name made her pause.

"-can't deny that Stella Montgomery is one of the hottest chicks in the whole school."

A smile blossomed on her face as she listened. She recognized the voice and wasn't surprised that that guy would say something like that. She'd once slept with him in a fit of anger at Logan that the sex had profitably burned up.

"Well, she is pretty. But I dunno. There's something weird about her, like she's not all there. Like life is just this big stage production that she's acting her way through," said another voice that she recognized as Quincy, the tall black boy. "And she's such a control freak! Honestly, I don't envy Brunswick being saddled with her."

The smile died as she listened to the other boys muttering their agreement. Fuck you, Quincy!

Quincy went on. "Besides, I don't think he really likes her all that much."

"Yeah, I agree. He would never admit it, of course, but I think the only reason he's still with her is cause he's a horny bastard like the rest of us and she offers him some regularly."

Hearty snickers all around.

"How about that Julia Thomas, though?"

Excited murmurs. "Oh man! Now that's a girl!"

"And she's only twelve! That's so unfair. She looks at least sixteen."

"Fuckin' A! And she's just as pretty as Stella too, but in a different way, ya know? Any fool can see that Stella tries really hard to look stunning all the time but Julia just is. She doesn't have to try."

"Besides that, she seems like the kinda girl who is real, ya know? Like she wouldn't go batshit if she broke a fingernail or something stupid and girly like that."

Laughter.

"That's my kinda girl."

"Well, don't let Logan hear you say that!" somebody else piped up and Cristella leaned even closer, straining to hear over the sudden loud chatter.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Quincy, sounding amused. "He likes her. 'I'm just looking out for her cause we grew up together.' My black ass!"

Loud laughter.

"Any fool can see that," somebody repeated. "Except Julia, maybe. She doesn't seem to notice that he feels more for her than merely 'the little sister he never had'-type feelings."

Breathing deeply, Cristella let the door close at last and walked slowly away from the locker room. Any doubts she'd had about the need to do something had been thoroughly extinguished. Because she begged to differ with whomever had uttered that last statement. As far as she was concerned, Julia Thomas knew exactly what was going on because she'd started it in the first place.

'You always are doing something. Remember that.'

"Well, it's time for me to do something too," the brunette said softly under her breath as she headed back to her room. "The time for dilly-dallying is over. And this means war."


********

Darkness had fallen around Inverness and still Cristella sat cross-legged on the floor in front of her coffee table, perusing the contents of the box. Every now and then she would linger over a certain picture or piece of paper, smirking to herself and taking sips of white wine. She'd lost count of how many times she'd refilled her glass but oh, she had such a nice buzz going right now. No reason to mess with it.

She picked up a Muggle snapshot of a thirteen-year-old Julia, who was smiling tearily at the camera. Her swollen eyes gave mute testimony to the fact that she'd been crying copiously just before the picture was taken.

"That was the beginning," Cristella said aloud, grinning. "That was just the beginning, you fool." She adopted a ridiculously high voice, clutching the front of her shirt. "Oh, Stella! How can they say those things?! Nothing is going on between me and Logan! You know I'd never do something like that. You know that, right?"

Stella had assured her that she did indeed know, even as she fought valiantly not to betray her glee at the younger girl's distress.

"But where did those pictures come from?" Julia had lamented, wiping her overflowing eyes. "They are obviously fake, why can't they see that? I would n-never- Logan would never do that! He's p-practically my brother!"

"I know. It's a wonder where they came from," Stella had murmured in a believably soothing voice. Of course she'd known exactly where the pictures came from. She had doctored the Wizarding photos herself so that they depicted Logan Brunswick and Julia Thomas engaged in an unmistakable liplock, their hands wandering to shocking locations.

Because, you see, that had been the modus operandi that Cristella chose to wage war on her self-appointed nemesis. She couldn't just launch an out and out attack. Because she knew if it came down to a choice between herself and Julia, the vast majority would side with Julia. She couldn't understand why but people just seemed to like that stupid, ever-smiling bint and try as she did, she couldn't discover why.

So her passive-aggressiveness had come chiefly into play and had worked beyond her wildest dreams. It surprised her how readily the female population in particular had accepted the lies she sneakily spread about their schoolmate. Apparently, they were all harboring increasing senses of unease about the pretty little biracial girl who had almost all the boys eating out of her hands. Julia could get them to do almost anything for her, without having to flirt or charm or put out so much as a kiss.

It was all very puzzling and the other girls became increasingly jealous, helped along by the stories Stella was able to distribute in such a way that one would be hard-pressed to ever trace them back to her.

During her free time, Julia could be found in one of two places: in the company of the increasingly angry and overprotective boys who kept vowing to find out who was hurting their darlin' Julia. If she wasn't with the boys, she would be sobbing in her bed, her young heart breaking under the strain of that oh-so-effective brand of nastiness that only females are capable of dishing out.

Merry could be found stubbornly by her side at all times, glaring daggers at anyone who so much as glanced at her distressed friend. More than once, the blonde had gotten into fights in her defense.

And through it all, Stella had been right there too, offering 'a shoulder to cry on', an ear to hear the hurt and bewildered sobs of Julia as she earnestly tried to figure out what she'd done wrong, why it seemed like everybody suddenly hated her so.

"Not everybody," Stella had said once, some of the bitterness she was feeling seeping through. Which Julia, in her distress, fortunately failed to pick up on. "You still have all the guys."

Julia had smiled, missing the implication in the statement. "Yeah. They've been awesome. But Stella, I don't know what I would do without you. And Merry, of course, but you're like my big sister. I'm so glad you're on my side."

"That's why you thought, didn't you? Stupid bitch," Cristella snapped, dropping the picture back into the box and fishing around for another one.

She actually burst out laughing when she saw which one she'd picked up. "Ah! Probably my best feat ever - breaking up The Great Friendship. Too bad that wasn't permanent."

She sighed and stared at the people in the snapshot who were smiling and waving at her - Julia and Merry Reynolds with their arms around each other, not knowing that later that same night they would have a falling out and would not be reconciled with each other for almost three months.


"Ok, you can turn around now," Merry Reynolds said excitedly, putting down her wand. The girls were getting ready for the first dance recital of the season with Berkshire's Dance Troupe. After putting on their makeup, Merry had used her wand to arrange Julia's long hair into an elegant knot at the back of her head.

"This is good. Thanks, Merry," Julia said, turning her head this way and that as she observed herself in the mirror. She blew out a deep breath and smiled shakily. "I'm so nervous."

Her friend looked over from where she was double-checking that her slippers were properly laced up. "Come on. You'll be fine."

"I don't know. Not only dancing in front of a packed audience, but singing too! By myself. I don't know what the hell I was thinking agreeing to this."

"You have an amazing voice, that's why. Only you could handle that song," Merry said firmly, standing up and stretching. "If I had a voice like that, I'd want everybody to hear it."

Julia sighed, picking at a sequin on her top. "I used to think that way too. But that was before almost everybody turned against me over some stupid lies. It makes me so mad, ya know?"

"Me too."

"Anyway, Stella reckons I should lie low for a while. Y'know, not advertise myself too much."

Merry shot her a sudden look, her lips tightening but didn't speak.

Her friend had noticed the look and observed her somewhat warily. "What?"

"What what?"

"What was that look for?" Julia asked with a slight frown. "You're not still on about Stella having it in for me, are you?"

Merry raised her eyebrows but still didn't answer, instead turning in front of the mirror to check her tights.

Julia made an impatient sound. "Merry, you know I hate when you do that. If you have something to say, why don't you just say it?"

Merry spun around, her grey-green eyes hard. "You want to hear it? Fine! I think Stella is the one spreading those lies about you."

A tense silence filled the small changing room for a long moment as Julia Thomas stared at her childhood best friend in disbelief. When at last she spoke, her voice was cold. "I've always known you didn't like Stella and I've tried to see it from your perspective. You and I have been best friends since we were six years old. She was infringing on your territory. But I never thought you could sink so low, Merry. How can you say that?"

"Christ, Julia, you can be so naive!" snapped Merry. "You think everybody is all sweetness and light. Have you ever stopped to think why on earth Stella is always in your business? Because she's perpetrating your business, that's why! Or at least the nastier aspects."

Julia had stood up now, her dark eyes flashing. "Well excuse me if I'm not all suspicious and distrustful of every damn person! Stella has been a good friend. She's been on my side through all this crap!"

Merry looked profoundly hurt. "And where have I been, Julia?" she asked softly. "Where have I been?"

"God, Merry, I didn't mean it like that!" Julia cried, looking aghast. "I just meant-"

"You know what?" Merry interrupted loudly, holding up one hand. "Save it. You obviously aren't going to take the word of someone whose been through thick and thin with you for more than half our lives. So there's no point in going through this again. Let me know when you're ready to talk reality."

And with those words, she spun around and strode from the room with as much dignity as one could in ballet slippers. Leaving her best friend staring after her, biting her bottom lip and blinking rapidly so as not to burst into tears of confusion and anger and hurt.


That had been sweet.. so very satisfying and the best part was that Stella hadn't set out to break up Julia and Merry. That had merely been a by-product but it'd been brilliant because Julia had been so distraught that she'd gone into a deep depression. She lost weight, there were dark circles under her eyes and for a time there'd been speculation that she would need to be hospitalized.

She wasn't the best student to begin with - too many extracurricular activities and an inability to say 'no' to whomever asked for her assistance took away from her ability to really hunker down to her schoolwork. And her depression brought on a steady drop in her grades that Stella knew embarrassed Julia greatly because she frequently was 'lending an ear' to those woes.

"Merlin, the number of times I had to listen to you moan about how much you missed Merry, how much you wished you could talk to her, blah, blah, blah," Cristella sniped, flinging the picture back into the box.

She drained her glass but now her head was beginning to pound. Too much alcohol and for fuck's sake, when would she learn not to drink so much? But alcoholism, mental illness and crappy mothering skills seemed to run in her family.

Not that she had any cause to worry about the last two.

With her headache came the inevitable recollections of the times when things hadn't gone all that great on the Julia Thomas War front. Eventually, Julia and Merry reconciled and seemed to be even closer than ever before, though Julia had never withdrawn from Stella either. She'd stubbornly refused to think ill of the brunette and she and Merry had merely agreed to disagree in that regard.

Eventually, Julia developed a thicker skin so that the lies, barbs and cold shoulders lost much of their effectiveness. Instead, the young girl immersed herself in the things she loved: Quidditch, books, music, the dance troupe. She surrounded herself with people who really cared about her - unknowingly, with the exception of Stella, of course - and truly blossomed into a lovely, "well-rounded person", whatever that meant.

Eventually, in the last term of their fifth year, Logan broke up with Stella, confessing that he had feelings for someone else and apologizing for 'using' her for as long as he had.

"Using me?" Cristella scoffed, standing up in somewhat of a wobbly manner and pulling out some clippings. "It was more the other way around, arsehole. And three guesses who that 'someone else' was."

Distractedly, she tossed the clippings aside to fish around in the box for the photo taken in her seventh year of Logan kissing Julia - for real this time. Logan had admitted his feelings during the summer of that year and Julia, being the considerate idiot that she was, had written to Stella to ask if it would hurt her terribly if they dated. Stella had gone into a rage that terrified the house-elves and amused her mother. But in the end, she'd written back that no, she didn't mind and how could Julia even think that and go for it!

They had gone for it, alright. The way Logan looked at her, as if she were some goddess descended from Mount Olympus. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was obvious to all that some very strong feelings were involved, on both sides. Even the teachers began joking about planning a wedding ceremony for them.

"And I had to have it all shoved in my face, the fact that you had won. That you'd stolen him from me. That you'd gotten him to look at you like he'd never ever looked at me. That you'd gotten him to cry out your name and be the one trying to stop you from leaving afterwards. But I had to keep smiling, didn't I? You'd gotten everything I'd ever wanted, without even trying, and I could no longer do jack about it."

And perhaps worst of all, through it all, Julia's vibrancy, her laughter, her almost childlike trust in people, even after all the pain they had caused her, frequently had Stella lying awake in bed, huddled in fear under her covers. Fear of the world, fear of life. Fear of living. Because she had no idea who she really was. She had been acting for so long that the thought of laying aside her costumes and masks and really examining herself was terrifying. The masquerade was her shield, her source of comfort and protection.

And she hated the woman who, simply by being herself, could make her doubt her fortress.


*******

"I remember the first time I saw you," Cristella said softly to the picture of Emerson Potter that was charmed to the inside cover of the box lid. "You were about a month old and honestly, you were the straw that broke the camel's back. You were what made me finally decide to break away from Julia once and for all. You made me decide that the time had come to let her know just what I really thought of her.

"But not even that plan could go right, could it? Oh no, sir!"


It was early July of the year she turned twenty-eight and Cristella Montgomery was in Dallas, Texas for the first time in quite a while. It was a hot, muggy day, the kind of weather wherein not even a rainstorm could alleviate the stickiness in the atmosphere. In other words, typical summer weather for Texas.

The air smelled organic, like hay and cow dung as she bumped along in the rented Range Rover down the country lane, on her way to see Julia Thomas, her 'old friend'.

'Right,' she thought to herself with a smirk. 'Amazing how all these years and she's never once picked up on reality. I don't know whether to hit her upside the head for being such a trusting idiot or give her a medal for making my job that much easier.'

Upon reaching her destination, she parked the Rover in the sprawling driveway of the Thomas's ranch and walked across the wide wooden porch with its assortment of rocking chairs to ring the doorbell.

Mrs. Thomas admitted her, looking like one of those paintings of Indian squaws in history books, right down to soft leather moccasins. Only thing she was missing was an infant strapped to her back. "Cristella! How lovely to see you!" the older woman exclaimed, her long braid swinging behind her. Her cheerfulness had the desperate quality of those who knew that crushing grief was incoming and that they were absolutely powerless to stop it. "Come in, come in. You must be burning up!"

"Well, it is kinda hot," Cristella laughed somewhat nervously. Julia's parents always made her uneasy. Talk about a marriage of minorities! Every time she saw Mrs. Thomas, she couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt, which in turn made her angry. It wasn't her fault if her ancestors had stolen Mrs. Thomas's ancestors' land so what was she feeling guilty for?

And Mr. Thomas was always cracking jokes in his Jamaican accent that had never really gone away, even after more than four decades in the United States. Cristella remembered how Julia used to roll her eyes and implore her father to stop embarrassing her. But anybody could see the deep bond of affection and respect between them.

Just one more reason for Stella to hate Julia. Her own father had died when she was a year old and the thought of finding a father figure in one of her mother's many men was laughable. They were all much more interested in trying to grope her than in teaching her to play the guitar or the steel drum like Mr. Thomas did with Julia.

After getting her a glass of lemon iced tea, Mrs. Thomas led her through the deceptively cozy house - the place was huge - upstairs to Julia's room. "She's been looking forward to seeing you. She's had so many visitors lately, it's kind of hard to keep track! How can one person know so many people?" The older woman laughed but broke off abruptly and now seemed to be trying to hold herself together.

Cristella felt a strange rush of foreboding, intermingled with hope. Pausing on the stairs, she turned to Mrs. Thomas and adopted a concerned look and voice. "How bad is it? Honestly?"

Mrs. Thomas sniffled. "The doctors say she has less than fifteen weeks left to live," was the choked reply.

In spite of herself, Cristella was stunned. Fifteen weeks? That was what, less than four months? In less than four months, this would all be over, this chapter in her life would be closed? At last?

After comforting the older woman for a sufficient amount of time, she finished the trip up the stairs. She knocked on the door that still had that wooden plaque of a pair of pink ballet slippers, below which was flourishingly written "Julia's Room".

Footsteps from within and then the door was opened gently. Stella found herself looking into the rapidly hardening grey-green eyes of Merry Reynolds. "Oh. Cristella, hi."

"Hello, Meredith," Stella said, hiding her delight when the blonde bristled at the use of the name she detested.

"Try to keep your voice down. The baby is sleeping," was all Merry said as she spun on her heel and walked back into the room.

Stella closed the door behind her and turned. The room predominantly had that bland, antiseptic smell that is omnipresent in hospitals - the smell of desperation, bleach and death. But there was also the faint odor of nature's best perfume. Vases of flowers were all over the room, obviously from well-wishers who all knew their 'wishes' would be in vain. Most of the furniture she remembered from her visits here had been replaced with beeping machinery and carts bearing even more beeping machinery. The Muggle side.

The bed was almost smack in the middle of the room and in spite of the heat outside, the lone occupant of the bed was bundled up to the chin in several heavy blankets. Only a dark head was visible and Cristella kept her eyes on it as she approached.

Merry was helping her drink from a cup but Julia turned her head when Stella reached the bed. "Hello, Stella." She smiled.

And in spite of herself, Cristella couldn't help but stare. Because Julia looked... diminished, there was no other word. Her mocha skin seemed to have lost its luster and her features were gaunt so that her eyes seemed to take up her whole face. Her long, luxurious hair was gone, replaced by an inch of curly, dark fuzz. The glow of various charms ebbed and flowed above her, offering their futile assistance. The Wizarding side.

She simply looked gravely ill and even to her untrained eye, Stella knew that the doctors were right. Julia would be dead very soon.

But her smile was still dazzling, Stella noted. Her dark eyes still held a bit of their old laughter, though one could definitely see the veneer of pain lurking in the background.

And her voice was as strong as ever.

"Julia," Cristella managed to croak at last, feeling bewildered by the emotions she was experiencing. She was actually feeling sorry for this woman, imagine that!

Merry leviated a chair to the bedside and Stella sat awkwardly, the retreat of her usual sentiments towards Julia now leaving her at a loss as to how to act.

"How're you, Stella? It's been too long! You're looking good," Julia was saying with nary a smidge of bitterness.

Cristella smiled. "So are you."

Julia snorted. "Riiight. Admit it, Stella. I've had better days."

"Well, you do look a bit under the weather," Cristella admitted and felt a twinge of the old delight that always surfaced upon seeing Julia Thomas in a low spot.

Julia laughed softly but Merry jumped up abruptly and leaned over to touch Julia's cheek. "I need to go check on something, ok? Holler if you need me."

"Ok," Julia said, her eyes suddenly sad because she knew why Merry was really leaving the room. When the door closed, she sighed and shut her eyes briefly. "So what have you been up to lately?"

"Oh, just work, ya know. I work for this company based out of London, remember, a Muggle firm so I do a lot of traveling."

Julia seemed to perk up a bit. "London?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Do you ever go into the Wizarding part?"

Stella wrinkled her nose. "Rarely. Their Diagon Alley seems unbelievably medieval these days, especially compared to the Wizarding hubs in, say, Paris or Rome. Or even New York. So nah, not very often."

Julia nodded weakly. "Ok. Cause I was-"

Just then there was a small whimper from the other side of the bed and Julia turned her head to it, but not before Cristella saw the deeply heartrending look of love that had erupted on her face at the sound.

"Shh, it's ok," Cristella heard her murmuring, her voice permeated with that same love and the whimpers died away. Julia stared at the side of the bed for so long that Cristella began to think she'd drifted off.

"Julia?"

The fuzzy head moved around. "Oh, I'm sorry, Stella! It's just sometimes I can't stop looking at her, y'know? I can't believe she's mine, that she's my baby."

"Can I see her?"

"Of course! Just come around here."

Cristella walked around to the other side of the bed and saw that there was a cradle on the floor beside it, being magically rocked. She crept closer and her first glimpse of Emerson Potter filled her with so alien an emotion that she gasped out loud.

"I know," Julia said softly, obviously mistaking Stella's reaction. "I can't believe it sometimes either."

"It's not that I can't believe it," Stella blurted before she could stop herself. "It's that she's so-"

"Beautiful? Perfect? I agree," the young mother said, gazing at her daughter, her face suffused with such adoration that Cristella had to look away.

And suddenly, so suddenly that she almost had sit down, all the old feelings towards Julia Thomas came back in a blinding rush. Never, ever had she hated Julia as much as she did at that moment. Because even now, even on the verge of death, Julia had gotten something else that Stella knew she never would - a child. She'd just received the news from her doctor the other day, that she was infertile. Something about the early onset and quantity of her sexual activity had likely caused some kind of irreparable damage to her reproductive system. Twenty-eight years old and she would never be a mom, not biologically. Ever.

But Julia - even though she was bundled up on a hot day, even though her hair was almost all gone, even though she occasionally had to close her eyes during a surge of pain, still had this creature. This tiny, little human being with fat black curls and long lashes against rosy cheeks and a little rosebud of a mouth, beautiful - even Cristella could not deny that - product of her failing body.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.

"Who is her father? Logan?" she asked, keeping her eyes on the baby because surely if she looked at Julia, the gig would be up. Though Stella was rapidly discovering that she was beginning to not care if that happened.

It took Julia a while to answer. "Um, no. Logan is not her father. Though for a while he was the only one besides Merry who knew who the father is. I didn't tell even my parents of his identity until after Emerson was born, and not very many people know even now."

Stella moved her chair so she could sit beside the baby, feeling another stab of hatred. Imagine Logan and Julia still being that close even after having broken up. She'd been delighted when she'd heard the news of their breakup - though she never did find out why they'd split up in the first place - but upon hearing that Julia was expecting, she'd assumed they'd gotten back together and the baby was the result. It wouldn't be at all surprising. She knew that Logan, at least, still loved Julia.

"So who is it?"

Julia was again staring at her daughter but this time Stella didn't speak and finally- "Harry Potter."

Cristella frowned, sure she had misheard. "Come again?"

"Her father is Harry Potter," the other woman said, looking up at last.

"Harry Potter?" Stella laughed dryly. "Good one. For a minute, you almost had me going there."

Julia looked puzzled. "Why would I joke about something like this?"

The indulgent grin faded from Cristella's face as she gaped at her nemesis, who appeared to have been affected in the head by all the cancer treatments, no doubt. How on earth could she possibly think her kid was Harry Potter's?

Please! Think highly of yourself much?

"Oh, she's awake!" Julia said delightedly, jolting Cristella from her mocking thoughts.

She looked over at the baby, who was staring back wide-eyed at her mother and it was as if she'd been kicked in the stomach. Because those eyes- She'd only ever seen eyes like them in pictures of-

"Harry Potter," she muttered in disbelief. "Her eyes!"

Julia nodded, smiling. "Harry's eyes. They started changing last week, which everybody said is almost abnormally early for that to be happening."

'Harry's eyes', she'd said, oh so intimately and Cristella honestly felt sick. It couldn't be. How could- Harry Potter was supposed to be unattainable! That kind of astronomically famous person that you grow up having fantasies about that you know will never come true.

The type of person that you discuss over martinis with your girlfriends and imagine what it would be like to look into those green eyes, to trace that famous scar with your fingertips. To feel those powerful, conquering hands on your body, and oh you get shivers just thinking about it. And that's all you ever get to do because he's out of 99.9% of the world's league.

But not Julia's. Once again it seemed, the rules didn't apply to her.

Tears of bitterness and frustration welled up in Cristella's blue eyes. But she kept them glued on her hands, blinking rapidly because she would be damned if this bitch would see her cry!

"So what does he think of her?" she managed after awhile, without sounding too malevolent.

There was another long pause. "He doesn't know about her yet."

Stella's head snapped up. "He doesn't know about her?" she parroted.

"No, but he'll be finding out really soon." Julia's eyes grew sad and filled up as she gazed at the baby. "I know I-I'm going to d-die. And I want Emerson to be with her father, if he'll have her. So I'll be sending her to him before too long."

The seed of a plan hatched in the back of Cristella's mind as she gazed at the woman who had stolen so much from her. "I'll take her to him for you."

Julia looked startled. "Oh, that's ok. My parents will be taking her over. Thanks for the offer, though."

"No, Julia, I'm serious. I want to do this. I'm going to London anyway so all I'd have to do is find out where Harry lives and take her to him," she said earnestly, the wheels going on overdrive in her head. "If your parents do it, they'll have to pay to travel to a country where they don't know anyone - with a newborn. And who would look after you? Wouldn't they want to spend every bit of time possible with you, while they still can?"

Julia frowned, turning to look again at the baby who was still awake, though blinking sleepily. "I don't know-"

"It's the least I can do and you know I'll be really careful and make sure she gets to him safely! How long have we been friends? Years upon years. Don't you trust me? Please let me do this for you."

There was a very long pause as Cristella watched the emotions play across Julia's face as she turned the offer over in her mind. Stella was just beginning to think that she would turn her down again when Julia looked up.

"Ok, I'll let you do it. I'll let you take her over. I do trust you, Stella. You've always been there for me so I'll let you do this. And thank you."

Yes! Fighting the urge to laugh maniacally, Cristella smiled instead. "No, thank you. For giving me this opportunity. I'll make good use if it, I promise." Yep, very good use.

"Would you like to hold her?"

Did she? That was probably a bad idea. If she held the kid now, maybe she would feel something she didn't want to feel. "No, I really have to run. But I'll see you soon, ok? You promise you'll let me do this for you?"

"I promise," Julia said, smiling. "See you soon."

And as Cristella drove away down the bumpy, dusty lane, she was smiling too. Because finally, she could exact the biggest blow ever. Which would be no less than Julia deserved because really, why should any one person reap all the benefits?

No, balance was a part of life and this time Julia Thomas would finally know, once and for all, just where she stood in the balance.

You have been weighed. You have been measured. And you have been found wanting.


******

Of course Julia's parents and Merry, in particular, had been deeply alarmed and had tried to get Julia to back down from her promise. But Julia stubbornly refused, saying she trusted Stella and she would not go into death having turned her back on someone who had always been there for her, just like they had. So please don't ask her anymore and please try to respect her wishes.

Stella kept in touch, even Flooed down every so often over the next few weeks, trying to keep up Julia's faith in her. It would never do for her to change her mind. Not now. So she endured the hostility from Julia's family and Merry, who apparently felt that she'd manipulated their precious into making a promise that she obviously wouldn't even get a chance to live to regret. She watched Julia steadily deteriorate and her triumph surged with every visit, knowing what she had planned.

She watched Merry Reynolds, who always seemed to be on the verge of tears those days, almost never leave Julia's side. Merry would sit there and whisper stories from when they were little, "Remember when?"s and Julia would close her eyes and try to smile.

She watched Logan Brunswick hover over Julia, his eyes filled with anguish as he watched her forehead wrinkle in pain. The love he still felt for her was evident to all and Stella knew that if Julia hadn't gotten sick, they would likely have gotten back together. They would've had the kind of saccharine suburban bliss family that you see on old Muggle television shows.

It had been a little more than a year after Logan and Julia had broken up that Julia had gone to London and gotten herself knocked up by the great Harry Potter. Julia told her that it'd been a very confusing time. She'd been undeniably attracted to Potter and yet, at the same time, she'd felt almost as if she was cheating on Logan. Even though they weren't together anymore.

Stella knew that Potter was only the second person that Julia had ever slept with. And since apparently they'd agreed not to pursue anything, with time, Julia would probably have gone back to her first, and only, boyfriend. Feelings as intense as what had existed between Julia and Logan didn't just evaporate.

But fate had other plans, just as Stella did.

Unfortunately, while fate could do whatever the heck it wanted and nobody could do a damn thing about that, it wasn't so for Stella. Because when at long last she had Emerson Potter in her arms, having witnessed the final sorrowful, tearful goodbyes of the weakened young woman to her child, she had arrived in London having second thoughts.

What was her plan? To get rid of the baby. How? Well, that varied depending on her mood. It ranged from abandoning the infant somewhere in Britain without any form of identification, which would leave her on God's good humor. Muggle Britain because that way there was less chance that somebody could take one look at her eyes and know immediately who she belonged to. Not like in the Wizarding world.

The most extreme end of the plan spectrum consisted of dropping Emerson buck naked into the muddy and polluted Thames in the dead of night.

But on the night that she would undertake the final phase of her plan - whatever that would turn out to be - Emerson smiled at her. And she found, to her eternal regret, that she couldn't do it. She just couldn't. Cursing her sentimentality, she'd taken the baby to her father instead and settled for leaving her on the doorstep and hoping that Potter wasn't home.

Of course he'd come to the door almost immediately, looking rather ruffled but very attractively so. It was her first time seeing him in person and the fact that she was only just doing so, while Julia had already gone the ultimate length with him, had irritated her greatly. But she quickly suppressed any and all desire to approach him. She would be damned if she would have Julia Thomas's seconds - even if that included Harry Potter. She'd watched with amusement as he'd fallen over in shock when he saw the baby. She watched him take her inside and suddenly it was as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last," she'd murmured to herself as she removed the Disillusionment Charm from herself and left the building.

She was free from doubt, from guilt, from fear. She was free from the disdain of Julia Thomas's family and close friends - who definitely knew now, with little satisfaction, that they'd been right about her all along. Well, bully for them and good riddance.

And she was free of Julia Thomas - the smooth thief of all she'd ever wanted, of all she'd ever desired. Of all she'd ever needed. She was free.

Or so she had thought.

"Until I saw you," Cristella told the picture of beautiful, green-eyed Emerson Potter. "I know now that what I did that night was a mistake. I should have gotten rid of you once and for all while I had the chance. And oh, what a chance that was! But no matter. I clean up my messes. I'm a control freak, as that asshole Quincy said all those years ago. Yes, Quincy, you were right on that count. Treat yourself to a pint or a bullet to the noggin, take your pick." She chuckled to herself.

She'd thought up her letter campaign, after recalling just how much media coverage had been given to the discovery that the great Harry Potter had an illegitimate daughter. Emerson was about twelve now, and Stella knew from painful experience that this age bracket was when your sense of self was really formulating and was particularly susceptible to negative influences. The plan merely called for attacking the girl where she was vulnerable: how she had come into being, especially in comparison with her younger siblings. It was simple and profound all at the same time: make her question herself, her worth, her place in her family and the world.

Make her feel as different and as dirty as she, Stella, had always been made to feel by Julia Thomas.

That old Dark Arts book in her family had come in very handy in providing obscure spells that she'd placed on the letters and clippings. She placed strong Compulsion Hexes on each and every one, which would make Emerson unable to resist reading what she'd received, even if she fought it. Stella thought that her threat against the younger Potter children should be enough to compel Emerson to keep her mouth shut, but just in case it wasn't, she'd placed Suppression Charms on the letters as well. She made duplicates of everything she sent and linked them so that if somehow the girl broke down, Stella would know by the change in the color of the charm on the copies.

Just as with her first opportunity twelve years ago, Stella wasn't really sure what her ultimate plan was in regards to Emerson Potter. She was still thinking that part through, and it varied greatly with her mood.

"But don't worry, little girl, Julia/Emerson/whatever-the-hell-your-name-really-is. It'll be over soon. For real this time, you can count on that. It'll all be over soon."

Disclaimer: Obviously, Harry Potter and his world are property of JK Rowling and all those other lucky bastards. Someone you don't recognize from anywhere in canon? Then that's mine.

A/N: Well, howdy all! Sorry for taking so long to post this one. Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate it very much. I really enjoyed writing that one. The mixed feelings towards Stella are perfectly understandable cause I'm not sure how I feel about her, myself!

Danielerin: I'm surprised you thought Julia needs some flaws. I thought hers are pretty obvious. For one, she is stubborn to a fault. I definitely think some stubbornness is good (since I can be pretty obstinate myself, lol) but you know what they say about too much of a good(?) thing... Look at it this way, Julia would rather be stubborn than listen to people who cared about her. So much so that she unwittingly endangered the life of the very person (Emerson) that she'd compromised her survival for. Death gave her a respite from realizing the error of her ways, but her mistake was no less significant because of that.

Thank you for your review :) I hope you'll keep reading and I hope you'll continue to be honest, cause that's how I know where I need to improve in my writing!

So here's another chapter. Many, many thanks to Lissanne for the beta!! You rock!

And as always, comments would be welcome. Thanks.



Chapter Seven -You Know That, Sometimes...


On that same Sunday afternoon, hundreds of miles away from both Hogwarts and Inverness, Ballynore could be found in loud and disheveled chaos. People of various sizes breezed in and out through the open glass doors to and from the vast backyard, chattering and laughing.

It was the annual Back-to-School Bash that the Potter, Weasley, Malfoy and Wood families organized for their children, all of whom attended The Woodlands Wizarding Day School (usually referred to as just 'Woodlands') . Woodlands was the school that most Wizarding children attended up until they received their Hogwarts letters. It had only been existence for about a decade and a half, founded in the wake of the final defeat of Voldemort.

The Lupins used to be included in that list but since Carolyna was their youngest child and she was already at Hogwarts, they didn't have any children at the party. Remus and Tonks did put in an appearance, though, and the party was generally open to any student of Woodlands that the party children invited.

Perhaps 'organized' was too rigid a word to describe the gatherings. They were always scheduled within the month before the Woodlands kids went back to school and were always held at either Ballynore or the Burrow, alternately. But as a general rule, activities were left more or less spontaneous.

Although that wasn't for lack of trying on Hermione's part.

"What's wrong with making an outline of all the things they can do and for how long?" she demanded of an exasperated Harry. They were in the living room and Harry had just advised against her whipping out the "Schedule of Events" that she'd spent quite some time putting together.

"Maybe because they're kids?" Harry responded wearily. He came up to stand behind her and rubbed her shoulders. "Hermione, relax. You do this every year."

She spun around, glaring at him. "What do you mean, I do this every year?"

"You know what I mean," he said gently, peering into her eyes. "I think it's great that you're so enthusiastic about it, you know that. But you get yourself worked up making your lists that get followed up to maybe item number three, at the most. And then the midgets get restless and need to be let loose to run around and scream aimlessly for a good thirty minutes. Which, in turn, messes up the schedule so that the Creative Writing Workshop has to be scrapped."

Hermione shot him a look. "I didn't put in Creative Writing this time," she retorted, but there was a smile tugging at her lips. That had been aiming rather high to expect kids stuffed full of sugar to sit still long enough to even remember their names, much less write them down.

She did tend to get over-analytical about these things, though. She'd always been that way and even her job as a Research Consultant for St. Mungo's demanded her organizational and heuristic skills. It wasn't that easy to turn those things off.

"And don't call them 'midgets'."

Her husband grinned and pulled her close; she sighed and let him hold her. Outside, she could hear the yells of more than a dozen children and their harried caretakers. He was right, of course. Soon enough, the kids would all be following lists and schedules for the better part of nine months. They deserved to enjoy these last days free from any bureaucracy.

Swallowing her pride, she leaned back to look into his eyes. "You're right."

Harry's eyes lit up but he didn't rub it in. He knew how hard it was for the brilliant Hermione Granger Potter to admit she was wrong. Instead, he kissed her forehead and pulled her back into the embrace. She inhaled deeply, closed her eyes and exhaled.

Sometimes Hermione found it hard to believe that she was a grown woman with children and married. To Harry. For all intents and purposes, he should be dead. He should have been dead since the age of fifteen months. But he survived and kept surviving. Where would she be- no, who would she be without him?

If she were to ask him that question, he would just look at her with his intense green eyes and throw the question back at her. He seemed to think he'd had less influence on her life than she'd had on his and Hermione knew that to be false. Being Harry's friend had been such a defining aspect of shaping who she was today. The things she had endured with him had taught her that she was stronger than she gave herself credit for. That she could be scary when someone she loved was threatened.

That it was possible to love so much that nothing and no one could come before or between them and their family.

Sometimes she woke up in the middle of the night and felt strangely frightened by the thought of how happy she was. More than once, she had bounded out of bed and hurried silently to her children's beds to watch them sleep. She would just stand there and smile over the way Emerson's covers always seemed to end up on the floor; the way Ben's fingers would twitch in such a manner that to an uninformed eye, it looked as if he was dreaming about playing the piano. Hermione knew, however, that it was actually dreams of turning pages that made his fingers move like that; he'd told her so once when he was six.

Budget, surprisingly, sucked his thumb in his sleep and little Davina still slept with her bottom sticking straight up. Once she had feasted her eyes on the pillars of her world, once she'd reassured herself that it wasn't all an elaborate dream, she would go back to bed and stare at the one who had made it all possible.

The years had been kind to Harry, in terms of physical appearance. He was gorgeous and it wasn't just because she was biased. Granted, the Wizarding world wasn't a good barometer, since all and sundry still paid him excessive attention. But whenever they went into Muggle London, women of all ages would invariably do double takes, toss their hair, smile and employ other such flirty behavior. Her husband would react with bewilderment and Hermione knew he honestly had no idea just how attractive he was. Which just made him all the more appealing!

Except for a few tiny crow's feet at his eyes, one would guess him to be at least five years younger than he actually was. His body was fit and toned from all his Quidditch; he still trained with his team sometimes, even though he was now the owner.

Oh, and his eyes! Sometimes all he had to do was look at her and Hermione would feel herself melting. She was so in love with him that, after all this time, the thought that she was Mrs. Harry Potter would have her wanting to hug herself and shed tears of girlish delight.

Yep, he was her man and whenever she saw other women ogling him, she would beam and make no effort to suppress the rush of pride that she was the one he wanted. Sometimes it would actually excite her so much that if they were without the kids, Hermione would steer him somewhere private, from which they always emerged sated and grinning naughtily.

She'd once read a book in which there was a thought that she identified with so strongly, she almost felt she had written it herself:

How terrible it must be for all the people who have no one to love them so and no one whom they loved so...

"What're you thinking about?" he asked, dropping a kiss on her temple.

She smiled. "You."

"Excellent answer. And what part of me were you thinking about?"

From that cheeky grin on his face, there was no mistaking what he meant and Hermione blushed. "Control yourself, Potter. The place is full of 'midgets', after all."

His brow furrowed as if in thought. "I know!" he exclaimed, holding up a finger. "We can- get this- send them home!"

"And what'll we do with the three that belong to us?"

"Oh, right."

Hermione laughed and raised her face to kiss him. "I love you." He kissed her back and for a minute, she actually forgot that their property was filled to overflowing with a vast assortment of redheads and other colors.

"Love you, too," he whispered, letting her go just as the glass door slid open again and the patter of small feet and young voices raised in carefree laughter surged through the room.

"Hahaha! You're gonna have to do better than that!" yelled six-year-old Tristan Malfoy, who was being pursued by Luke as well as Ron and Luna's Alex. Tristan was the image of his father, except he had strawberry blond hair. He had a twin sister, Theresa, who was the sweetest little girl and as mild as Tristan was wild.

Hermione rather thought Tristan had inherited all of both his parents' showier aspects, leaving Theresa with what little meekness Malfoy and Ginny possessed between them. In fact, were not for the resemblance between them, one wouldn't know they were even related, much less twins.

Ginny Malfoy came storming in then, her red hair long and wind-blown, brown eyes flashing with annoyance. "Tristan Malfoy! How many times have I told you not to run in the house?"

Tristan stopped short in mid-dash, causing Luke and Alex to run smack into him and the three of them tumbled over, laughing. They wrestled around on the floor until Tristan caught sight of his mother's face. He got to his feet and adopted a smirk so reminiscent of a young Draco Malfoy that even his mother looked momentarily startled.

"Quite a few times, Mum. But you were talking about our house, not here. So that doesn't count."

Harry snickered softly beside her but Hermione was watching Ginny, whose eyes had widened. Tristan seemed to realize he'd gone a bit too far. He all of a sudden appeared so angelic, probably even Snape would've been fooled. "I think I'll go outside now, though."

"You stay right where you are, mister," Ginny said in a dangerous whisper. "Luke, Alex, go outside and play. Tristan won't be joining you for a few minutes."

"Yes, Aunt Ginny," the boys chorused, scrambling up from the floor.

Hermione watched her son as he ran by Tristan and distinctly heard him say, "Bad luck, mate. But better you than me!"

Harry took her hand and led her from the room so Ginny could have some privacy. As soon as they were outside, though, he burst out laughing. Hermione didn't think it was at all funny; she quite sympathized with Ginny. Luke could be the handful at times too.

"Can you believe that, with the exception of Andy Wood, every single child here is either a Potter, a Malfoy or a Weasley?" she asked suddenly, gazing out across the lawn.

He shook his head, still chuckling. "Pretty unbelievable. Though of course a good three-quarters of them are Weasleys." He turned to grin at her. "Let nobody say the Weasleys aren't being fruitful and multiplying."

He pecked her quickly on the cheek and hurried to help Ron and Oliver Wood with the mini-tournament they were putting together. Hermione rolled her eyes and went to chat with the other mothers, while also keeping an eye on things. Once the "tournament" started, she held Davina on her lap and helped her daughter cheer unabashedly for Ben, whom everybody said was going to be as brilliant a Seeker as his Dad was. Certainly when he was hovering on his broom, squinting against the glare of the sun on his glasses, Hermione could have sworn she was seeing an eleven-year-old Harry in his first matches at Hogwarts.

Unfortunately for Hermione, Ben seemed also to have inherited Harry's fearlessness of heights and speeds. She could only hope that, unlike his father, he didn't have rogue Bludgers or Dementors, not to mention an evil wizard, anywhere in his future by the time he got to fly in a more official capacity. Watching Harry fly at school, especially with all those obstacles, had already shaved months off her life, she was sure.

Once the game was done, everyone sprawled around eating fish and chips, pumpkin juice and treacle tarts. The rest of the day seemed to fly by after that, as always when there are numerous children underfoot. Before she knew it, Hermione was saying goodbye to the last visiting family at the party.

"I'll probably see you tomorrow at Woodlands for that parents' meeting," she said, helping Theresa into her coat.

Ginny nodded even as she expertly confiscated the trick sweets that Fred and Angelina's Matthew had given Tristan. Ignoring her son's whining, she leaned in to whisper, "I'm so glad the summer's nearly o-v-e-r. Too much more of this and I'd lose my mind." She leaned back to hoist her bag higher up onto her shoulders. "No, Tristan, you may not have them." Pause. "Because I said so. Draco, we're ready!"

Malfoy came into the room then, carrying his youngest child, three-year-old Abigail, who was a flaming redhead and utterly adorable. She was also spoiled rotten, being the youngest Weasley grandchild. But her spot would surely be usurped in a few months when Ron and Luna's infant arrived.

Malfoy was an Auror and, surprisingly, was complaining about how quiet things had been lately. "It's times like these I actually wish ol' Mad-Eye Moody was still on the force," he was drawling to Harry, who was toting his own little curly-haired princess. "He would, at the very least, liven things up a bit with his paranoia."

Harry snorted. "If that's by turning you into a ferret again, then I agree."

The other man made as if to present Harry the bird but he caught sight of Ginny's face just in time to turn the gesture into a rather anti-climactic "Talk to the hand" instead. Hermione caught Ginny's eye and the two women hastily ducked their heads to keep from bursting into laughter. Imagine Draco Malfoy adopting something so decidedly Muggle! If that didn't indicate he had changed, Hermione didn't know what would.

"Thanks for having us," Ginny said, her eyes twinkling as she pulled out their family Portkey, a limited edition miniature mahogany broom, elegantly engraved with all their names and the Malfoy family crest. "And remember to owl me about- I said no, Tristan! Bloo- Just owl me, okay?"

They gathered around, activated the Portkey and were gone, Tristan grumbling all the way out of sight.

Hermione stood still for a moment, listening to the deafening silence that always follows the cessation of a great noise. The Malfoys were the last of the crowd to leave and for a moment, Ballynore seemed unnaturally quiet.

Then Davina said, "Put me down, Daddy."

And sound returned. She could hear Ben and Luke in the family room, the ticking of the heirloom grandfather clock her Dad had given them as a wedding present.

Harry granted Davina her request and he and Hermione watched their daughter toddle away to where her brothers were. Harry put his arms around Hermione and she leaned back against him.

"Well, that's over with for another year," she said with a sigh.

"Yeah." She could feel the vibrations of the word through his chest. "And you have another year to obsess about and micromanage your list."

She smiled and wrapped her hands around his. "You love me anyway."

His nose rubbed deliberately against the side of her neck before being replaced by his lips and she shivered. As his arms tightened around her, Hermione closed her eyes and savored the perfection of the moment while she could.

Because surely it wouldn't last. The perfect moments came and went, as it was. Such was life but all things considered, she knew she had a pretty good one.


*********

Later that night, Harry was in the kitchen getting himself a glass of water when Hermione came in. As always when he first caught sight of her, a tingle ran down his spine and he paused in mid-drink to stare at the way her long hair rippled at her back. Sometimes Harry wondered whether it was either normal or healthy to be as attracted to his wife as he was. Because if the answer was 'no', he was in desperate need of a medi-psychiatrist. Or whatever the Wizarding equivalent of a Muggle shrink was.

Thankfully, he hadn't yet had to find out.

She was wearing jeans and a sleeveless top, and his eyes traveled the length of her body appreciatively. When they returned to her face, she was staring back at him.

"You are so beautiful," he told her softly, watching the color creep up her neck. Even after all the times he'd told her this, Hermione still blushed every time and a part of Harry got such a kick out of it. He was so incredibly lucky to have this woman a part of his life. He knew she wouldn't have had any problems whatsoever finding a husband, had she not settled for him. What man wouldn't want her?

She was beautiful and her brilliance was legendary in the Wizarding world. Even the almighty St. Mungo's had bent over backwards to hold onto her when she'd wanted to leave. Hermione had been determined to shelve her career indefinitely after Ben was born. Effectively delivering a shock to all those who knew her (or thought they did), she'd declared that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mother to her children, without any outside demands on her time.

Harry had had his doubts. Not about her as a mother, not at all; there was nobody else he could even dream of being the mother to his children. But he knew how much fulfillment she got out of her passions and he wondered if putting them aside was the best thing for her. He had, of course, supported her decision after letting her know his concerns.

The hospital, however, had been frantic. You'd have thought the very foundations of the institution would've crumbled if the great Dr. Granger (Hermione used her maiden name professionally) had resigned. After a lengthy courtship, they'd managed to convince her to stay on in a consultant capacity but with all the rights and privileges of a full-time employee.

So periodically, she needed to go to the company for meetings, debriefings and whatnot, and she usually had quite a bit of paperwork. But she got to be home with their children the vast majority of the time, which was what she'd wanted in the first place. Harry knew she was secretly relieved that she still had something external to occasionally be consumed by, though. And he completely understood. He couldn't imagine Hermione Granger without something book-related to obsess about.

He watched her move around, Summoning the ingredients for the kids' nighttime hot chocolate that they always had before bed. He smiled as she lingered over the cups, running her fingers over the names printed on each one. She was as wonderful a mother as she was a bookworm.

He set down his glass and walked over. "Can I help?"

"Sure. You can put chocolate in the mugs," she replied, handing him the enormous container of hot cocoa mix.

There were ways of making hot chocolate using only a wand, of course. But once upon a time, Hermione's father had prepared the drink for the kids using a well-known Muggle mix and from that day on, nothing else would do. Smiling to himself, Harry removed the lid and began doing as he was told. Just as he'd finished scooping into the last mug, he happened to glance at the countertop across from him. The space was clear of anything but Harry suddenly got such a look on his face, you'd have thought it was covered with Golden Snitches.

He grinned suddenly and looked over at his wife, who seemed oblivious. "Hermione."

"Hmm?"

"D'you remember what happened over there?" he pointed at the countertop right beside the enormous refrigerator.

She looked where he indicated, stared at the spot for a second and frowned. "No. Should I?"

"I think so," he replied, moving to stand behind her.

"What happened there?" she asked, turning around to look at him, the hot chocolate forgotten for the moment. One thing he loved about Hermione was she still retained that high level of curiosity, that thirst to know. It was part of what made her such a great mother; she actively sought to know their kids.

Harry grinned. "Not going to tell you."

She looked annoyed. "Well, if you're not going to tell me- wait. When did this happen?"

"That's the spirit. It happened, let's see.. going on nine years now."

"Nine years!" she cried, gazing at him in exasperation. "You expect me to remember something from nine years ago?"

He nodded, still with that same infuriating I-know-something-you-don't grin. After watching her stew for a few seconds, he chuckled. "It was a few weeks after Ben was born. Ten weeks, in fact." He emphasized the word 'ten' as if it would mean something to her and his grin widened when he saw that it did: Hermione was blushing deeply.

"Oh."

" 'Oh' is right," he whispered, pulling her to him and letting himself fall into the memory.


It was ten weeks after the birth of his first son and Harry Potter could be found shoved up against the refrigerator in his kitchen. Every now and then, his elbows would bump against the gleaming brushed silver surface of the appliance and he would emit soft groans and other assorted noises.

The sounds were not of pain, however. Far from it. Because Harry had, in his arms, his wife, who was kissing him with a feverish passion and he wouldn't have stopped her for all the Galleons in Gringotts. He was a willing and active participant, you see. His hands wandered down to cup her buttocks, pulling her flush against his body and he smiled at the feral growl that Hermione emitted. She was on fire, she was in heat and knowing her as he did, Harry was not surprised.

Beginning shortly after they'd confessed their true feelings for each other, Harry had discovered, to his delight, that Hermione had a vigorous sexual appetite. When he'd commented on it to her, she'd said he was the cause of it and while that was pleasing to his ego to hear, Harry wasn't sure how much of that assessment was accurate. He rather thought it was simply Hermione, as much her as her obsession with books and lists. And to say he was happy to be reaping the benefits of that particular trait of hers would be putting it mildly. Not for nothing were they considered the randiest couple in their circle of friends.

So imagine how they'd reacted when after Ben's birth, their doctor had casually added that they were to abstain from sexual activity for at least ten weeks.

Hermione had finally managed to tear her eyes away from Ben's tiny face. "Excuse me. I thought I heard you say 'No sexual activity for ten weeks.' I know I misheard you."

The Healer looked up. "I'm afraid not, Mrs. Potter. Because of the.. ahh.. complication, it is absolutely essential that you allow yourself time to heal and ten weeks is the minimum for that."

"What?!" Hermione exclaimed, gaping. "Isn't it supposed to be six weeks?"

"Usually, yes," the Healer conceded. "But that's merely a benchmark and in your case, ten weeks is what will be required. I'm afraid that number is not negotiable, unless you want to further compound the complication."

Hermione looked aghast, then glanced up at Harry as if pleading for help. What could he do but look just as helpless? Surely the Healer knew what he was talking about?

Harry had listened to his wife rant and rave about what the hell use was it to be magical and living in a medically superior world if they couldn't even heal a simple tear? The very idea made Harry wince and he couldn't help but feel somewhat relieved that he wasn't a woman. The next instant he was overwhelmed with love and sympathy for his wife for what she'd endured to give him the perfect little boy he was holding.

He knew he wouldn't really suffer from the ten week abstinence order. Sure, he would miss making love to Hermione but if things got too hard (no pun intended), he could always.. ahem.. take matters into his own hands. Or hand, as it were. And he really needed to stop thinking about that!

But his beautiful, lusty wife would not be able to even attempt anything of a sexual nature for ten weeks? How would she survive?

She had, but Harry was not at all shocked when as soon as they reached the end of the ten weeks, his wife had attacked him. The ten weeks were finally up, which was how he came to be smashed against the fridge, being mauled by the brown-eyed woman. Not that he minded. After all, what man can resist the woman he loves being so hot for him that she was literally tearing his clothes off?

"Harry," she gasped, fumbling with his zipper. Her hair was wild around her face and he brushed it aside as he kissed her possessively. Her aggressiveness excited him and he was as eager to be with her as she was to be with him.

He unbuttoned her shirt and cupped her breasts, heavy with nourishment for ten-week-old Ben, who was fast asleep upstairs, along with Emerson. The house was charmed so that when the kids were upstairs, Harry and Hermione could hear them from anywhere inside but the kids couldn't hear them.

He made as if to unhook her bra, but her hands came up to stop him. "No, not unless you want a faceful of milk. My nipples are aching too, but not in a good way," she said in a rush, before she was sucking so hard at his neck, Harry knew he would need Concealment Charms there the next day.

"Okay," he murmured, running his hands up and down her back instead. Their lips met in a sweet and drugging kiss even as she managed to get her hand inside his pants to stroke his erection. Harry groaned and tugged her skirt up, his fingers creeping up her thighs to move her knickers aside. Except-

"No knickers, Mrs. Potter?" he whispered as his fingers met soft hair, but not even the most minuscule of materials. But of course. Surely she'd been looking forward to this all day and his wife was nothing if not practical. Still- "Tsk, tsk."

Hermione moaned and ground her crotch into his hand as his fingers delved into her folds. She was so wet, so responsive and Harry felt suddenly overcome with emotion. He knew it was silly but even after more than two years of marriage, it still shocked and thrilled him that Hermione was always as hot for him as he was for her.

"Please," she gasped, unable to wait anymore and Harry needed no further encouragement.

He pushed his jeans and boxers down, lifted her and perched her on the edge of the counter. She opened for him but before he could enter her, she reached down to grasp him.

"Oh, Harry," she sobbed. "I've missed you. I've miss it."

He kissed her rosy lips softly. "It missed you too," he whispered and entered her in one smooth motion. She cried out and quickened around him immediately, her head falling forward onto his shoulder as her body shook. But he moved slowly, knowing that getting there was only half the fun and that she wouldn't be satisfied that easily.

Not after ten weeks of abstinence.

Harry couldn’t have defined in words how good it felt to be inside her again. How had he existed without this? The sensations were incredible, his wife’s heat intoxicating. She caught her breath and began moving with him, her tongue mating with his in direct imitation of what they were doing further south. Harry picked up the pace and Hermione threw her head back, her knuckles white from clutching the countertop.

"Harry, Harry, Harry," she moaned repeatedly. "Do it."

He did it, faster, and she went into a frenzy. Her hands were everywhere, grabbing at him, tugging him closer as if she was trying to absorb his entire being into her. As if she couldn't get close enough to him and Harry couldn't help but be caught up in her passion, her hunger.

He was gripping her hips so hard that he knew there would likely be bruises, but Hermione didn't seem to care. Because at that moment, he couldn't hold her tight enough; he couldn't move fast enough; he couldn't go deep enough. She was calling out his name, ordering him, begging him, telling him what to do and how to do it, and in such colorful terms that it took all Harry had not to lose it right there and then. He needed her to reach Shangri-la first because frankly, he feared for her sanity if she didn't get this release.

"I love you," he whispered raggedly, hearing her beginning to make the little whimpers that he knew signaled that she was close.

At that precise moment, there was a sudden plaintive wail from upstairs. Apparently Ben was awake, for some reason. Instinctively, Harry started to slow down and turned his neck to look in the direction of the sound.

But Hermione grabbed his head. "Harry Potter, if you stop now, I swear to God I will murder you," she growled, her hips bucking frantically against his.

At her words, Harry felt himself swell even more within her and her eyes widened then fluttered shut.

"Yes, ma'am," he whispered, giving her his all again, pounding into her and barely a minute later, her tension burst and she was screaming into his neck as her body went into powerful spasms around him. She convulsed in his arms, her walls clenching him and undomesticated equines couldn't have held back his explosion.

For a moment, nothing else existed but the utter bliss of being one. The pleasure was sublime, exquisite, mind-numbing. They returned to Earth, gasping and shuddering, to the sound of the increasingly angry yells from upstairs. They swiftly disentangled themselves and tried to set their clothing to rights. Harry helped Hermione off the counter and held her up until her knees could support her. Her face was flushed and she was still trembling but their son needed her.

"Thank you. I really needed that. Continue this later?" she said, speaking rapidly.

He nodded quickly. "You're on."

She took a deep breath, gathering herself, and Disapparated; a mere second later, Ben's cries had lessened dramatically. Harry stood alone in the kitchen, bracing himself against the counter, taking gulps of air. His whole body felt simultaneously weakened and invigorated by what had just happened and he wondered vaguely why there weren't scorch marks on the side of the fridge. Because surely the heat in the kitchen just now had been an inferno.

"Daddy!" another little voice piped up and Harry's head whipped around. Checking to see that he looked presentable and mentally putting on his 'Daddy' cap, he hurried from the room. His daughter was standing at the top of the landing, sporting spectacular bed head.

Harry climbed the stairs to her. "Hey," he said, stooping to pick her up. "What're you doing awake?"

Em pouted and rubbed her eyes. "Ben woke me up."

Harry could sympathize. His son had a voice loud enough to raise the dead and no qualms about putting it to use, either. "He's pretty loud, isn't he?"

"Uh-uh," Em nodded, then let out what Harry thought seemed like a far too grown-up sigh. "I guess it's too much to hope for a little peace and quiet around here."

'Now where on earth did she hear that one?' Harry thought, gaping at his daughter as he fought the laughter bubbling up inside him. He and Hermione had long been telling themselves not to be surprised by the things Emerson said anymore; the kid had a remarkable memory and an excellent pair of ears. But the decidedly grown-up manner of speaking that she had, especially coming from a three-year-old, afforded them more moments of amusement and pride than the laws of humility normally allowed any two parents to experience.

"I guess so," Harry said, grinning as he buried his face in Emerson's untidy jumble of curls. "Let's get you back to bed, though."

Once he got her tucked in again, he sat beside her bed and watched her fight to keep her eyes open. She had pretty much lost the battle by the time Hermione slipped into the room, though she managed to sleepily mumble, "Mummy?"

"I'm here," Hermione whispered, smoothing the small forehead.

"Love you, Mummy. Love you, Daddy."

"Love you too," they whispered, taking turns to kiss the sleeping child before slipping out of her room.

They made a detour to the nursery so Harry lean over his now-contented son and kiss the little face. He felt a rush of love and protectiveness for this miniature version of himself, who was sleeping peacefully once again.

"He's so greedy," Hermione said later as she undressed for bed. But she was smiling.

Harry chuckled, pulling the blankets back and climbing inside. "He is my son, isn't he? We Potters love our food."

"That's for darn sure," his wife sighed, slipping under the covers too. "I fed him barely two hours ago."

"Guess what Em said just now," Harry said as they snuggled together under the covers and they both laughed heartily when he told her.

"That kid," Hermione giggled. "I bet she picked that one up at the Burrow."

"Probably," he replied. "But enough about that. I seem to recall receiving a request to continue a certain something right about now."

Hermione colored, but he could see the lust creeping back into her eyes. "Oh, really? I don't remember."

"Well, let me refresh your memory, Mrs. Potter. A mind is a terrible thing to waste," he whispered as he lowered his lips to hers once again.

And let's just say her memory was very thoroughly refreshed by the time they surrendered to their sated exhaustion and fell into slumber.


"How did you manage to get upstairs that night without splinching yourself, anyway?" Harry asked his red-faced wife, as they both stared at the infamous countertop.

She giggled. "I don't know. I could barely stand up but I guess I was just determined to get up there. I was feeling a bit guilty by that point. You know, that I let my baby cry because I was too busy getting off."

"You wicked, sex-crazy wildcat, you," Harry growled, slipping his hands under her shirt. The memory had turned him on and from the look in Hermione's eyes and the fact that her nipples were rock hard, he knew it'd had the same effect on her. "How about an encore performance?"

She grinned devilishly and stood up on tiptoe to gently bite his earlobe. "I thought you'd never ask."

Just then, they heard Davina let out a scream of what sounded like frustration. The next second, Budget exclaimed, "I had it first, Vina!" and Davina burst into loud wails.

Hermione rested her forehead on his shoulder with a sigh, then stood back. "Can I take a rain check?"

"Yeah," Harry muttered grudgingly, his lust fading for the time being.

Such were the joys of parenthood, anyway, right? Being a parent meant, to be pessimistic, a dramatic reduction in the time and opportunity for little quickies. Besides, you don't always get what you want, when you want it. Actually, didn't that apply to every area of life, whether you were a child, a teenager, an adult or a parent?

Hermione went to sit in judgment over the dispute, leaving Harry to finish preparing the hot chocolate. As he left the kitchen, levitating the tray with the steaming mugs ahead of him, the countertop gleamed beside the shiny refrigerator, wrapping its covers again around its secret.

Until next time.


*********

End Notes:

1. The quote: How terrible it must be for all the people who have no one to love them so and no one whom they loved so... is from the book, Annie John by Jamaica Kincaid, and belongs to her and the publishers, yada yada. Lovely book!

2. The "undomesticated equines" is a shout-out to Stargate SG-1 and the luscious Teal'C!

A/N: Just want to say thanks to all who've reviewed the story up to now, and especially the last chapter. Here's the latest one. Profuse thanks to Liss for the beta. I appreciate it so much!


Chapter Eight - Like A Sore And Then Run



"Ah, yes, excellent Quidditch conditions!" Marc Weasley exclaimed from beside Emerson, gazing up at the ceiling of the Great Hall. Today was Quidditch tryouts at last, and they were having breakfast. The sky outside was being advertised as a clear, exhilarating blue, yet not too windy or cold. Just right. "'Ow ya feeling, Emerson?" the Gryffindor Beater managed with his mouth full.

"Marc, you nauseating prat!" his twin sister snapped across from him, her face screwed up in disgust.

Marc swallowed and grinned, his brown eyes twinkling. "Mind your own business. Was I talking to you?" He turned to Em again and nudged her so hard she was knocked sideways into Lyna, who yelped and dropped her fork. "Well?"

"I was doing great up until you started battering me, thanks," Em replied, rubbing her arm and trying to look annoyed.

"Keep up the good work," Marissa said sarcastically to her brother. "The kid is going to try out for our team, which needs some decent players, but never mind that. Let's put her out of commission before she can even finish breakfast, shall we?"

In response, Marc gargled his mouthful of pumpkin juice and his sister kicked him under the table. And they were off and running. Welcome to the Marc and Marissa Show.

Em looked over at Lyna and the two girls grinned. Because frankly, it was impossible to be in a bad mood when you were around the Weasley twins when they were in good moods. And nothing got them in better moods than Quidditch or the prospect of it.

Their good moods usually manifested itself in the form of merciless bickering, but nobody had any doubts about how much Marc and Marissa cared about each other. They were twins after all, and for all their sniping were usually to be found in each other's company, even though each had their own friends. They had similar facial features: the same nose, brown eyes and curly hair, but Marc was taller and his hair was jet-black, whereas Marissa's had a slight coppery tinge to it. Em loved Marissa's hair. It was so wiry and springy, the type of hair that gave you the urge to pull a lock just to see if it would go "BOING!" as it sprang back into place.

Everybody at Hogwarts, regardless of house or year, knew of the Weasley twins. Marc and Marissa were only two of a half dozen Weasleys at Hogwarts but mention their first names and everybody knew which Weasleys you were talking about. They were both incredibly popular and funny, with larger-than-life personalities and athletic to boot.

Em had known them all her life and their personalities weren't at all surprising, considering that Uncle Fred and Aunt Angelina were their parents. For that same reason, neither were their Quidditch abilities - Marc was a fantastic Beater, and although Marissa wasn't one to be sneezed at either, she'd opted to be a Chaser instead. Of course it went without saying that she was indispensable to the team.

If all went well, Em hoped to have joined her as another Chaser by day's end. She'd been awaiting this day since she was six years old and right now she was more excited than nervous. There were two Chaser spots available and not to be arrogant or anything, but she felt confident that she could snag one.

"I wonder how many idiots will try to send you mail today?" Marc asked his sister suddenly with a scowl.

Marissa's head whipped around to glare at him. "What're you trying to say? That a bloke is an idiot for liking me, for wanting to be nice to me?"

"You know that's not what I meant," her brother snapped. "They are idiots for thinking they can get with my sister, as if by sending her flowers and Honeydukes chocolates they can-"

"Oh shut up! As if they need your permission to like me!"

"You're damn right, they do! These blokes, they're only after one thing, Mari!"

Marissa scowled. "And of course you would know, being the Casanova that you are."

Marc mouthed wordlessly but Em had to admit that his sister had him there. Marc was very popular with the ladies (and she knew for a fact that a few boys wanted him too). Marissa was, in addition to being funny and vivacious, very pretty so it wasn't at all surprising that the opposite gender had noticed and tried to make their admiration known. Only they hadn't counted on her twin brother hunting them down and either threatening, hexing or playing humiliating pranks on them.

Em's attention had wandered from the romantic entanglements of the Weasley twins, however. With Marc's comment about mail, she'd been reminded of the only foreseeable downside for today. It was a "Bashing Day", as she'd come to refer to the days when a letter arrived from Smiley.

One thing she had to hand to whomever was sending the letters: they were consistent; not only in the contents of the letters and articles but in their frequency as well. Em could probably set her calendar based on the fact that every third day, a letter would arrive.

And, unfortunately, today was one of them.

Of course she wished it wasn't so, but she really could see no reason for Smiley to waver from the routine. It would be far too convenient if today Smiley would suddenly come down with a lethal strain of the Wizard Flu or be hit by a stray Avada Kedavra, rendering he or she incapable of sending along the toxic epistle. Sadly, fate didn't work that way.

Lyna seemed to be thinking along those lines. "I wish today wasn't a letter day," she whispered, casting Em a worried glance.

"Me too. But Smiley wouldn't feel right about laying off the psychological abuse just because today is a big day for me, innit?" Em whispered back with more glibness than she felt.

Not that Smiley knows today is important. Right?

Emerson frowned at the thought but was distracted from further analysis by the disgruntled huff that her friend emitted.

"There's no law that says you can't chuck that piece of trash into the fire unopened. Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

"What if there's a clue to this person's identity but I miss it because I throw away the letter without opening it?" Em hissed. "Do you want whomever it is to get away with this?"

"Of course not!" Carolyna snapped. "But let's take it to a teacher. Or tell your Mum and Dad! They'll-"

"What're you two whispering about?" Marc interrupted, his ears still red from his fight with his sister. Apparently, being labeled a "Casanova" wasn't that much of a compliment.

Em grabbed the opportunity to change the subject. "Nothing important. Just school stuff."

Her friend said nothing and only glared at her but Emerson tried to ignore it. 'Lyna doesn't understand, anyway,' she thought irritably, buttering her crumpet with more vigor than was necessary so it did what all good crumpets should do and, well, crumpled. 'That's her solution for everything: Go to an adult. The lass needs to learn to handle things herself sometimes, for Circé's sake.'

The frostiness lingered between the two girls for the next ten minutes as they waited for the mail to arrive. But as soon as the barn owl landed in front of Emerson, Lyna leaned over and laid her hand on the letter the bird dropped. "Can't you at least leave it till later, Em? Till after your tryouts?"

'Should I?' Em thought, staring absentmindedly at the bunch of gold and scarlet tulips that an owl had delivered to a blushing Marissa, and to Marc's obvious consternation. She dragged her eyes back to the innocuous-appearing white envelope that she held. Anybody looking at it couldn't possibly dream of what hurtful libel it contained. Did she want to leave this 'till later? Wouldn't it be better to get it out of the way? If she made the team, she didn't want to have something like this waiting in the wings to rain on her parade.

"Better to have the nastiness now so later can be all sunshine and roses," she said to Carolyna as they entered Gryffindor Tower. The tryouts weren't for another two hours, so they had some time to burn.

Lyna sighed. "If you say so. But I still think you should tell an adult."

"I hear you."

"Do you?" said Lyna sharply. "This could be bad, Emerson."

"Don't you think I know that, Lyna? Just let me try to deal with this myself first. Can you at least give me that?" They had paused in the middle of the stairs to the girls' dorms, causing people behind them to have to push past to get upstairs.

Carolyna rolled her eyes and stomped away and after a few seconds of irritation, Emerson followed her. They climbed onto Lyna's four-poster and yanked the hangings closed.

"You gonna open it now, then?" Lyna asked stiffly, eying the envelope as if expecting it to bare poisonous fangs any second.

"No reason to wait," Em replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

But her hands shook as she began to tear the seal. No matter how much she told herself that it was nothing, that she didn't care what Smiley said, it still hurt to read those letters. She'd told herself and Carolyna that it was because she wanted to know who was writing to her. That was the reason she kept chancing the hurt by opening the notes. But she knew Carolyna didn't believe her and, frankly, Emerson didn't believe herself either.

In fact, she had no idea why she kept doing this.

She pulled out the inevitable clipping and reached inside for the letter. After a few seconds of groping and shaking the envelope upside-down, however, she realized that she hadn't been mistaken. There was no letter.

"Hmm, Smiley. Getting tired of writing, are you? Getting lazy on me now?" she muttered, throwing the envelope aside.

"There's no letter?"

"Nope. Just a clipping today. You reckon the fuckwit is getting bored?" Em mused, then laughed at the look her friend shot her. "Come on, is there a better word to describe this person? Wait, don't answer that. I can think of a few. There's assha-"

"Emerson!" Lyna exclaimed, looking chagrined, but there was a twinkle in her eyes. She sighed. "Well, that's good then. And the clipping is probably nothing we haven't seen before."

"Yeah," Em agreed, unfolding the paper. It opened out to be a full page neatly cut out of some semi-glossy magazine called The Diricawl Wailer. The article had a date from twelve years ago, October. At first glance, the title made no sense: "When Promise Goes Unfulfilled".

But then her eyes caught the byline and slowly comprehension dawned on her. The small hairs on the back of her neck prickled eerily as a wave of unease swept over Emerson.

This was another variation from the routine. First there was no letter. And now this. Up to now, Smiley had only ever sent clippings about Emerson or her dad. And most of those she'd already seen in one form or the other, which drastically diluted their effect on her.

But today Smiley had gone a different route: the clipping was about Julia Thomas, her birth mother.

She hadn't thought about it before but the fact that Smiley stuck to the same routine, the same points in the letters had become oddly comforting in the midst of the stinging barbs. She'd come to expect certain things from the author, just as she'd come to expect that the clippings would be about herself or her father.

She'd never dreamed that a wrench could be thrown in the sick familiarity.

And with that, with the small source of refuge that she had discovered now nastily trampled, Emerson experienced a new emotion: fear. The rules had been changed on her and the only thing worse than being dead was being powerless. Which was what this made her because by this twist, she had been left utterly defenseless - she would never know what to expect from now on, which defeated any kind of preemptive measure.

And the thought was terrifying.

"Em?"

She jerked and looked up. She'd forgotten that she wasn't alone and hastily tried to rearrange her face from the expression of terror she was sure it was frozen in. "What?"

Lyna looked worried as she brushed her brown hair from her eyes. "It's just another clipping, right? Just one of those-"

"Actually, it's not," Em interrupted, looking down at the glossy sheet in her hands. "I mean, it's a clipping but it's not about me or Dad. It's about Julia."

"Julia? Why- what does it say?"

But Emerson was already reading and her stomach began rolling as if she had ingested something foul or was witnessing some kind of gruesome, nauseating spectacle. The article started off innocently enough. It was an obituary of some kind, more like an eulogy, actually.



WHEN PROMISE GOES UNFULFILLED
The Tragic and Premature Demise of a Rising Star

...This life has closed at the moment when it seemed to have reached its springtime... [She] expected to die: [she] was willing to die... and [she] advanced towards the brink in perfect serenity, with absolute conviction of the rightness of [her]... cause and a heart devoid of hate.

Joyous, fearless, versatile, deeply instructed, with classic symmetry of mind and body, ruled by high undoubting purpose... [in these] the days when no sacrifice but the most precious is acceptable, and the most precious is that which is most freely proffered.


The above words were quilled by the esteemed Muggle leader and politician, Sir Winston Churchill, to eulogize a young soldier killed on the beaches of Gallipolli.

And while perhaps, at first glance, it might seem rather presumptuous to apply such a profound excerpt to a 21st century young woman, I believe that clarification will come if you keep reading. Because while she wasn't killed by anything so dramatic as curses, bullets or swords, Julia Thomas did also make a decision out of a depth of love very like a profound love of country. She did personally wage a battle which she, unfortunately, lost.

Just like that young soldier.



There, Emerson paused and took a deep breath, trying desperately not to acknowledge the three words that were striving to break through her barriers: Because of me. It wasn't. She was being irrational. Wasn't she?

Her hands were trembling so much that she had to lay the paper on Lyna's bed and lean over it. She dragged her eyes back to where she had left off:



I knew Julia for less than five years but it was enough time for me to realize, with conviction, that she was an exceptional person. I was her coach and her boss and I like to think that I was her friend. Her external loveliness was what hit you first but it didn't take long to discover that the loveliness actually came from within. She was full of life and vibrancy, the kind of person that you somehow, illogically, expect to live forever.

I was aware that she was involved in numerous outside activities but when she was with us, it seemed that nothing else mattered or existed. She was absolutely dedicated and loyal to our team. Julia was unafraid of hard work, laboring almost obsessively to improve her talents for our team, the Dallas Diricawls. As a Chaser on our squad-



As a Chaser...

"Oh my God," Emerson whispered, her hand flying to her mouth in horror. Julia had been a Chaser. She had known that, of course.

But she'd forgotten.

How could she have forgotten something like that? Especially with the way that very position had been occupying her thoughts?
The shock of the recollection rapidly faded to be replaced by numerous unsavory emotions. Tears prickled at her eyelids as the unfamiliar thoughts and feelings converged on her from seemingly all directions at once. She tried to keep them out but they got in, anyway. Horror. Shame. Guilt. This was not some trivial thing - it was a matter of life and death, and she was directly involved. Was she really so self-absorbed? How could she not have- Oh God, had Smiley been right about her all along?

"What is it, Em?" Lyna asked anxiously, leaning forward to read the clipping too. Obviously she hadn't figured out what was troubling Emerson, who didn't want that to change in a hurry if she could help it.

She managed a weak shrug. "Nothing really."

Em kept her head down so Lyna couldn't see how upset she was, blinking rapidly. She wanted to stop reading but wouldn't that give her away? And didn't she owe it to Julia to at least read the whole thing? How come she'd never seen this one before, anyway? Why had the adults kept it from her? Emerson found that somehow, she didn't want to know. She forced herself to read on.



As a Chaser on our squad, she was essential to our reaching the finals of the All-USA Quidditch Championships twice in a row. I'm sure you all remember what a profound and exhilarating experience that was, especially when we brought home the Cup on our second try! Everybody played a part and we couldn't have done it without everyone who was there, and that included Julia Thomas. She demonstrated, along with Mallory Winfield and Annie Blackbenton, why the Diricawls are ranked in the top five in the Contingent.

But it was in the area of strategizing that Julia's light really began to shine. Even as an excellent Chaser-



"She was good at Quidditch. But we already knew that, right?" Lyna said softly, distracting Emerson from her task.

"Yeah," Em managed. Except I forgot. I was too wrapped up in myself to even consider- Just keep reading!

The article continued on in that vein for a few more paragraphs, Julia's old boss praising her powers of planning and deduction. But then he started in on the shock of losing her, the sadness they were all experiencing. Especially since:



The truly sad thing about all this is that she didn't have to die. We live in a medically advanced age, and there is no shortage of excellent physicians or Healers. Julia was, in every other way, strong and hardy. She could have beaten her illness, I believe, were not for the other circumstance and her resulting choice.



The thought materialized before Emerson could stop it: The other circumstance. Me.

A gorge of bile surged in her stomach as guilt like she had never known swept over her being. All of a sudden, things that she'd read in Smiley's letters began popping up.

Your very existence cheated someone out of her life...

...I bet she fancied herself some kind of martyr; she was doing the noble thing, sacrificing herself for the poor, innocent babe. Except the babe wasn't so innocent, after all - being born with blood on her hands, what irony...

She tried to fight the feelings threatening to overwhelm her but they just kept bubbling up and to her dismay, Emerson burst into tears, startling her friend.

"Em, what's wrong?" Lyna exclaimed, looking more scared than worried, reaching out to grasp her hand.

Em shook her head. What was wrong? She rarely cried, which was unusual for a girl. It was more stubbornness than anything else that made her like that, simply because she knew the vast majority would expect tears. And why not prove them wrong? None of the other letters or clippings had made her cry, though a few had made her choke up.

But there was something about this one. Somehow, this clipping struck closer to home than any of the others ever had. It addressed something dear to her own heart, right down to the same position and brought to mind that someone else had loved this sport too. Someone else had loved the same position she had. But that person was gone, that person was dead. Because of her. And she hadn't even had the common decency to recognize that, to spare that a thought or a care. What kind of person did that make her?

Deep in the recesses of Emerson's young mind, the brutal words of the mysterious letter-writer finally whittled a big enough hole in the barriers to stick their grimy hooks through and pierce her like a syringe. They drained out the murky brown contents of themselves, which bubbled and swelled, into her and Emerson wept. She had never experienced such self-loathing before and it hurt. It really hurt. She covered her face with her hands, pressing her fingers against her eyes as if attempting to staunch the flow of tears. After a few minutes, during which Lyna kept rubbing her arms, Em took a deep shuddering breath and looked up.

She avoided her friend's eyes, not wanting to see the undoubtedly profound sympathy and confusion in them. Grabbing the piece of paper, she tried to resume reading but her eyes were still swimming so much that she missed the first sentence, which perhaps might have granted her a bit of comfort:



But Julia chose what felt right to her. It was her decision and although it cost her her life, she never wavered from it, not even in the very end. And in so doing, she lost the battle for her life but won the war for the legacy of the depth of her principles and beliefs. Or perhaps I could simply say, her stubbornness.

Sir Winston Churchill wrote for that young soldier of Gallipolli:

The voice has been swiftly stilled. Only the echoes and memory remain, but they will linger.

In the same way that Julia Thomas's memory will linger with us. Because while the promise of her full potential - and oh, how far she could have gone! - has been left unfulfilled, we will not forget what she did achieve or the sacrifice that she willingly made.

So rest in peace, Julia. We'll miss you.

And we won't forget.



Emerson sat back slowly, her head hanging down. Tears fell from her eyes with faint splats onto the paper and rolled across the glossy surface to be absorbed by Lyna's bed. She watched them disappear, wishing she could be absorbed by something too because she had never felt worse in all her life.

They wouldn't forget and they were just Julia's teammates. She was Julia's daughter, the one Julia had made the ultimate sacrifice for and she'd completely blotted it out. What an ungrateful- And she'd had the nerve to be trying out for Chaser today. She didn't have any right to want to play.

'You don't deserve to take up the position of the woman you killed,' a cold voice whispered from deep inside her skull.

And with that horrifying thought, the bile that had settled in her stomach suddenly mushroomed as a wave of nausea and goosepimples swept over her. Nearly blind with distress, Emerson clamped her hand over her mouth and scrambled off an alarmed Carolyna's bed. She reached the loo in time to retch into the toilet what felt like everything she had ever eaten, and fell to her knees. The sobs she'd managed to suppress broke free and she lowered the lid of the toilet, sat down on it and cried until her head ached.

She could hear Lyna repeatedly asking if she was okay but Emerson didn't answer. She didn't see how she could ever be okay again. Because not only had she discovered something horrible about herself, but the dream of more than half her life had been shattered.

Somehow, it never occurred to her to think that it didn't have to be that way. Just as it never did to think that it was anybody else's fault but her own.

Because the new cistern of guilt, self-blame and self-loathing that had been chiseled out in her mind was getting wider, deeper and greedier. And the best and most delicious of nourishment to it was more of itself.

******

Ironically, many, many miles away from Hogwarts, a woman was berating herself for a piece of mail she had sent that day.

Why had she sent that clipping? Dammit! It didn't fit in with her scheme. It was basically a praise piece to the dead witch that she'd cut out to parody and had never intended to send. Mailing such glowing crap rather defeated the purpose of her campaign, didn't it?

It was all her damn boss's fault, calling her away from her breakfast about some kind of important document that he couldn't find. She usually wrote her letters and selected the clippings the night before, double-checking them during breakfast the next day. So during breakfast, she'd had the papers all spread out on her table. This time, she'd decided to shake things up a bit and not include a letter and had simply picked out an article to send. But then the boss's message had come in. She hadn't wanted to miss a mailing day so she'd grabbed what she thought was the right clipping and sent it on its way. Then she'd abandoned her breakfast and hurried to the office, where the "important" document turned out to be some kind of collectible sports card that the boss wanted to show off to the old farts on the almighty Board but had misplaced.

Hell's bells, had she been seething! That useless rat bastard! Some wrinkled piece of junk was what she'd missed her breakfast for?! The fucker had leered and patted her ass when she'd handed him the old card that she'd discreetly Summoned with her wand when he wasn't looking.

"You are so very versatile, Crissie. Whatever would I do without you?"

Likely nothing, you piece of crud. And my name's not Crissie! It's-

Oh screw it. She really needed to do something about this man - something subtle... maybe it was time to use that book on him, her family's old tome of obscure Dark magic that had been passed down for generations. Maybe a nice poison...

Her fury only surged all the more when at lunch, she discovered that she'd sent along the wrong article. Every day of her campaign counted and today was a complete waste, as far as she was concerned. She didn't think it would do anything negative - the girl was probably just as conceited as Julia had been and would surely use it to pad her ego. That she'd come from the womb of such "greatness". Wow, in addition to being the seed of Harry friggin' Potter. Gag.

Oh, well. No use crying over spilled potion. In her next mailing, she would just have to make sure to send a particularly vicious note. Wait, did she say 'vicious'? Oops, she meant 'honest'. Honesty was, after all, very important, wasn't it? She was merely righting a wrong, by telling the real truth, the whole truth. It wasn't her fault if that came across as viciousness, if the truth sometimes hurt.

Though she wouldn't deny that every ounce of pain inflicted on her subject was definitely very gratifying and- She just needed to find a chink in the girl's armor so the work could truly take root. So the revenge could truly be sweet. So her victory could finally be complete..

Cristella didn't know it but perhaps she should have been thanking her boss, after all. Because his laziness had inadvertently provided her with the most unlikely - in her eyes - of armor-piercing arrows.

Perhaps she should've been thanking him because her prey, long sought and pursued, had finally been wounded.


****
End Notes:

1. The title of this chapter is from the poem "Harlem: A Dream Deferred" by the still awe-inspiring Langston Hughes. I wanted to title the chapter "A Dream Deferred" but thought it would give away the contents of this part. I figured that titling it with an incomplete line from the poem might be less conspicuous.

2. In case anyone wants to read more, the full eulogy written by Sir Winston Churchill can be found here: http://www.oucs.ox.ac.uk/ltg/projects/jtap/tutorials/intro/brooke/obituary.html

3. Finally, please review! Thanks!

A/N: Thanks very much to every person that reviewed the last (depressing) chapter. It is much appreciated and hope you'll enjoy this one. Rock on!



Chapter Nine - Beneath the Vast Cathedral of Sky


"You two ready to go, then?" Hermione Potter inquired of her two sons on the brightly sunny but cold day in September that the Woodlands Wizarding Day School reopened.

There was a sudden blur of motion as the two boys jumped up excitedly. "Yeah!" they chorused.

Their mother smiled, even as she felt the telltale prickling of tears on the backs of her eyelids. Her boys looked so smart in their navy blue robes with the Woodlands crest (two wands crossed and emitting a sprinkle of stars over a lush forest) on the left, navy and grey clip-on ties, shiny new black shoes, fingernails clean for the next hour or so. When did Ben get so tall? He wasn't even nine yet... and Luke. Five years old already! Wasn't it just yesterday he was a screaming infant and she was crying right along with him out of sheer helplessness? Why did they have to grow up so quickly?

"Mum! Let's go!" shouted Luke, jolting Hermione from her reverie. He picked up his knapsack and ran to the front door, turning back to see if his mother and brother were following.

Ben was rummaging in his bag for something, a frown on his face, his hair already resembling a rat's nest in spite of his mother's hopeful attempts at taming it. The frown cleared as he found what he was looking for and he too walked over to the door.

"Hang on. Dad had to take Vina to the potty," Hermione said, trying not to appear to be stalling, which was what she was doing. She had so enjoyed having all her children home full-time during the summer and that had now come to an end. First Emerson had gone back to Hogwarts and now the boys were going off to Woodlands. Who would have thought that bookish Hermione Granger would be dragging her feet about school?

"Hurry up, Vina! Pee really fast!" Luke yelled in the direction of the bathroom, hopping from one leg to the other as if he too was in need of a potty break. "We're going to schooooooo-" He broke off as his father came into the room, leading Davina by the hand. "Let's go, Daddy!"

Harry chuckled. "In a hurry, are we?" He ruffled the chocolate curls of his youngest son as he opened the door and the boys flew out like the devil was chasing them. "Let's get going, then," he added, unnecessarily.

Hermione picked up her daughter and shut the door behind her, listening to the telltale hum that was the house sealing itself against any intruder, which was basically anyone it didn't recognize. All points of entry into Ballynore knew who could and couldn't enter the Potter household and the charms on the estate were among the most powerful in the world. Polyjuice Potion, for instance, was useless. Harry and Hermione took no chances with the safety of their family.

"And awaaaaaaaay we go!" cried Luke, throwing his arms wide as Harry backed the Jaguar out of the driveway. "Ah, man! Only one more year and I go to your part of the school, right, Ben?"

Ben glanced over at his brother. "Yeah. And God help us all."

Harry snorted softly so only Hermione heard him and she smiled to herself. Yeah, God help the teachers at Woodlands when Luke began going full-time. Right now, he was in nursery school, so he only went half-days. And from what his teacher had told her, he was already a handful.

Woodlands was divided into a nursery school and a regular school. The school began admitting children as young as eighteen months and they remained in the nursery section until grade one when they moved over to the regular school.

Woodlands operated under the expectation that all of their kids would receive Hogwarts letters by their thirteenth birthdays. The regular school educated the children only up to that age and if a child didn't get a letter, that was just too bad. The parents would need to find other accommodation for the humiliated child because Woodlands had nothing to offer beyond that point. Such an occurrence was extremely rare, fortunately; something like that had only occurred twice in the school's fourteen year history.

"So, Ben, you looking forward to seeing Miss McDonald?" Harry asked coyly, glancing in the rearview mirror at his son, who was predictably flipping through a book.

Ben blushed. "She's my teacher, Dad."

"Not just any teacher," his father continued, his eyes twinkling. "Didn't you say-"

"Harry," Hermione interrupted softly, a smile tugging at her lips.

Her husband grinned over at her and she shook her head. Harry loved teasing Ben about his teacher, Miss McDonald. Woodlands had a non-rotating teacher system. That is, a teacher got assigned to a beginning class, usually of three-year-olds, and he or she remained with them until they left the school. The only other teacher that the kids usually had, other than occasional substitutes for their main teacher, was Madame Chanson, the music teacher. With so much time spent together, the kids invariably became very attached to their teacher and s/he to them.

And Ben was very attached to Miss McDonald, to the point of once declaring that he was going to marry her.

Hermione turned to look into the backseat at her eldest son, who was now reading to his sister and brother. He must have felt her gaze because he looked up at her and smiled so adorably that she wanted to weep. He looked and acted so much like Harry that sometimes she wondered if she really had had any part in creating him. Seeing Ben always brought her back to her first year at Hogwarts, when she'd met Harry and he'd been so small and skinny. He'd been so young, and yet so much had already happened to him and would continue to happen that year.

Thankfully, Ben was neither small nor overly skinny; he was perfectly normal for his age. And his life, she was happy to say, had so far been free of any hurt more major than normal childhood mishaps.

Oh, she loved them so much! The ebony-haired boy with the round glasses that kept slipping down his nose. The rambunctious green-eyed one currently yelling, "Pick me! Pick me!" for some reason. The adorable little girl with the hazel eyes like Ben's, who was laughing and kicking her feet at her brothers' antics. The lovely young girl away at Hogwarts, child not of her body but of her heart.

Perhaps she'd made a sound, because Harry suddenly reached out and touched her cheek. The depth of feeling in his eyes - there was no need for him to speak but he did. "I love you."

"I love you too, Harry," she said somewhat croakily, the emotion swelling within her.

"Kiss! Kiss!" cried Davina from the back and her parents laughed.

"I don't know whether to be pleased or alarmed by that," Harry said as he drove into Woodlands' wide, red brick courtyard with the tinkling bowtruckle fountain in the center. On their first visit to the campus, Hermione had commented that she thought the fountain was rather appropriate considering the name of the school, in keeping with the trees/woods theme and all, but Harry had said it looked and sounded "wimpy". Whatever that meant.

The boys jumped out of the car as soon as their father shut it off and Hermione went around to remove the Restraining Charm on her daughter. Harry shut his door and pocketed the keys, which was just force of habit. The car didn't need keys to operate. It ran on magic but since the Potters ventured into Muggle London quite a bit, they'd kept the keys for appearance's sake.

"I mean, you don't think we're too demonstrative in front of the kids, do you?" he continued, even as he lightly pinched her bum then glanced around quickly to see if anyone had noticed. Ben and Luke were already halfway to the open doors of their school with the crowd milling around in front so they were safe in that regard.

Hermione turned around and handed Davina over to him. "No, I don't think we are. They know Mummy and Daddy love each other very much."

"Mummy and Daddy love each other," parroted Davina seriously, in the kind of voice that one uses to state solid, indisputable facts such as, "The Earth is round" or "Malfoy is a git".

Harry nodded. "Yep, they do."

"And Ben."

"Yeah, and Ben."

"And Luke."

"Definitely."

The little girl's eyes lit up. "And Emma!"

Harry chuckled and dropped a kiss on the small nose. "Absolutely."

"And Vina?"

Her father hugged her close and tickled her lightly so she squealed. "And Vina. No doubt about it."

'Suburban bliss and Harry Potter in the same sentence, who'd have thunk it?' Hermione Potter mused to herself as she walked hand in hand with her husband across the red brick towards their excitedly chattering children. Fate, it seemed, was not without a sense of irony - lavishing normality on the offspring of the one whose childhood it had labored tirelessly to ensure was as far from normal as was possible.

She was just thankful that she got to be a part of it. Her husband loved her and she loved him. Their children were safe and happy. And all was right with their world.

Or so she thought.

*******

"Ben! Over here!"

Ben's head whipped around and he grinned. His best friend, Andy Wood, was beckoning to him from the other side of the crowded entrance hall. His parents had just left to take Budget over to the nursery school and Ben was on his way to his classroom.

This part of the school was always a favorite lounging place between classes. The walls were smooth stone, brightly and colorfully painted with images and words in ode to learning. It did take getting used to the way a whole section of the wall art would sometimes move about or suddenly decide to change their colors, but it definitely added to the "coolness" of the building.

Elbowing his way through the throng, his ears ringing with the shouts and chatter of his schoolmates, he managed to reach his friend without getting too battered. "Hey. When did you get here?"

"Not very long ago," Andy replied, shrugging. Then his blue eyes lit up. "But did you hear? Field trip this year is to the Bertie Bott's factory and we get to-"

"Hey, Ben! Have a good summer?" someone interrupted loudly from right behind him, but before he could even turn around, his best friend had already made an outburst.

"Why don't you get some bloody manners, Pretty Boy? I was having a conversation," Andy barked, a scowl twisting his features.

"Excuuuse me. And don't call me 'Pretty Boy'!" snapped the dark-haired boy who had interrupted, drawing himself up in an attempt to look taller than he actually was.

The two boys were glaring at each other but Ben didn't even bother trying to hide his grin. This was a sight as familiar as the sunset.

The dark-haired boy's name was actually Rajiv Patil-Thomas but all of their schoolmates called him 'Pretty Boy'. He was the only child of Parvati Patil and Dean Thomas, who were still together but had never married (to the consternation of Parvati's devout Sikh parents). Dean and Parvati considered themselves too ultra-modern for something as "conformist" as marriage; she was a writer for Gladrags Fashion Magazine and Dean owned a pair of art galleries, one in Diagon Alley and one in Muggle London.

Poor Rajiv had been stuck with that nickname for as long as Ben could remember. Rajiv hated it but he couldn't get away because he really was pretty for a boy. For instance, Ben had once heard his mum talking about Rajiv's "big, doe eyes fringed by eyelashes long enough to make any woman jealous."

Ben was actually the only one of his peers to call him by his real name, a fact that had bewildered Rajiv enough for him to ask Ben about that.

"I mean, everybody else calls me by that blasted nickname. But you don't. How come?" the younger boy had inquired curiously.

Ben had shrugged. "Cause Rajiv's your name. Isn't it?"

And that had been that. Ben had given up on trying to get his friends to do the same, however. In fact, he rather thought Andy especially liked riling Rajiv up by calling him by his hated nickname.

"Why don't you run along now, Pretty?" Andy was saying dismissively. "I think they're changing the nappies in your class."

"I'm only a year younger than you are, so just sod off, Wood!"

Andy opened his mouth, no doubt to impart some kind of stinging barb, but Ben shot him a look and he settled for shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning back against the wall, his scowl deepening.

"Anyway, what I came by to tell you was there's a new kid in my class," Rajiv intoned, leaving off his glaring.

This got the attention of both Ben and Andy. It was very unusual, and hence very intriguing, for new students to enter so late in the grade system. Rajiv was in grade three and most class rosters had been well-established by then. After all, how long did it take a parent in the Wizarding world to realize that their child was, fortunately, magical? Magical children came from all over Britain to attend Woodlands, just as they did Hogwarts, so distance was not an issue. Could it be a foreigner?

"Know who he is?" Ben asked, leading the way to the grade three classroom, hoping for a peek at the new kid.

Rajiv trotted along beside him. "No. I'd never seen him before and I didn't get a chance to ask his name."

But just then, the bell rang and the boys had to split up, Rajiv to his classroom while Ben and Andy continued down the hall to the grade four room. Ben felt his face grow hot when he saw his teacher, Miss McDonald, standing at the blackboard, writing on it with her wand. Miss McDonald was at that strange in-between age place, old enough to command their respect but young enough to inspire crushes in her male students and hero-worship in her girls. Ben, who thought girls in general were gross, nevertheless was quite taken by Miss McDonald, who obviously wasn't a girl. She was a woman and there was a difference; though what exactly that difference was, he couldn't tell you.

"Hello Ben, Andy," his teacher said, smiling at them from behind her desk.

Ben smiled back shyly. "Good morning, Miss."

"Good morning, Miss," Andy mimicked quietly in a ridiculously sing-songy voice and Ben elbowed him as they walked to their seats. Of course he hadn't sounded like that!

The room settled down quickly. Ignoring the girls who were glancing at him and giggling - Why did they keep doing that, anyway? Did he have dirt on his nose or something? - Ben leaned back in his chair and looked around. He truly liked it here. There was something comforting about his classroom with its rickety bookshelves and ink-stained desks. There were lots of bright posters on the walls, as well as a section devoted to what Miss McDonald loved to call "Superb Work!".

In this room though, once upon a time, he'd been bored beyond belief. Woodlands taught the basics; the three R's: reading, writing and arithmetic, as well as basic science and music. Since the children were too young to even own wands, the founders of the school had decided to leave all magical instruction up to Hogwarts. So Woodlands, essentially, merely taught structured reading and writing. But by the time he was seven years old, Ben was reading at the highest level that Woodlands offered and the only class that challenged him even a little was science.

Restless, he'd complained to his parents who, after having long discussions, had decided to enroll him in some prestigious Muggle private school until Hogwarts. They'd informed him of their decision and he'd been so upset that he'd cried for hours. He didn't want to leave Woodlands, even though they weren't challenging him there. He didn't want to leave his friends or Miss McDonald whom, he tearfully informed his parents, he was going to marry and, "If I leave, some other bloke will woo her!"

Ben didn't know it, but that had given his parents a good laugh in private. ("Imagine our seven-year-old talking about 'wooing'!"). Somehow, his Mum and Dad had worked something out with Miss McDonald and Headmistress Esson so he could stay at Woodlands with his classmates, but be given more demanding schoolwork.

So it was smiles all around. Ben was challenged without leaving his school or his friends. Nor his 'future bride', Miss McDonald.

"Welcome, Class, to another year!" his teacher was saying, smiling out at them from the front of the room, her shoulder-length brown hair framing her face. "I'm trusting you all had a good summer?"

The class murmured excitedly, everyone clearly hankering to share their adventures to their favorite teacher.

"That's good. But this summer, I was thinking back to my own school days and something I remember doing on the first day back at school after every summer holiday was writing an essay."

Most of the girls immediately began whispering giddily while the boys groaned aloud. What the heck did essays have to do with summer?

Miss McDonald held up her hand, effectively shushing the whispers and grumblings. "I'm not finished. Now, instead of everyone simply reciting what you did on your holiday, I want you to write it down. Then we will take turns reading to the class what we've written. I'll give you all of today to do that and tomorrow we'll begin sharing. Any questions? Yes, Andy?"

Ben turned to look at his friend, who had his hand in the air. "What if I can say it all in one sentence? 'This summer I went to an awesome Quidditch camp with my Dad and brother.'"

Ben snickered. It was just like Andy to try to take the easiest way out of schoolwork.

"Essays will need to be at least a full page," Miss McDonald replied, and she seemed to be fighting a smile.

"Bollocks," muttered Andy, scratching the back of his dirty-blond head as he grudgingly picked up his quill.

The teacher instructed them to begin after doing a quick review of the rules for paragraphs, headings and other such elements of writing. For the next hour, the only sounds were the scratching of quills on parchment, occasional whispers, smothered giggles and other sounds that a roomful of children typically make. Ben was completely occupied with writing about the trip his family had taken to Godric's Hollow, Wales, so that by the time they recessed for lunch, he'd forgotten his curiosity regarding the new kid.

Which was why he stared in bewilderment when Rajiv ran up to him and said, "There he is!"

"Who?"

"The new sprog," Rajiv blurted. "Remember?"

"Oh, right," Ben said, turning to look in the direction in which Rajiv was pointing. "That one?"

"Yeah."

"Merlin, he looks like a runt, doesn't he?" Andy commented, peering at the stranger as if inspecting a litter of puppies for the one most likely to be shoved aside at the mother's teats.

Ben would never say it out loud, but he kind of agreed with Andy. The new boy was even shorter than Rajiv, who was at least a head smaller than Ben and Andy. He was standing alone by the side of the playground beside the big beech tree but not quite under it, as if afraid of encroaching on the tree's territory. His appearance set him even more apart from his peers. All the kids were decked out in their back-to-school finery, new robes and shoes. The new kid's robes were patched and at least two shades lighter, but very clean. Obviously bought second-hand. Even from a few yards away, Ben could tell that his trainers were well-worn, although, like his robes, they were very clean.

"His name's Arnie," Rajiv whispered. "Doesn't he look pathetic?"

The rush of pity for the new kid that suddenly surged caught him by surprise and made Ben's response come out sharper than he'd intended. "What do you mean he looks pathetic?"

Rajiv looked startled. "What? I meant- just, his clothes, like-"

"C'mon," Ben said to Andy, suddenly much more irritated with himself than he was with Rajiv. Why were they standing around staring at and discussing the poor kid like he was some kind of freak in a zoo? Surely he had it hard enough being at a new school without any friends? Besides, Ben knew what it was like being stared and pointed at because of something one had no control over. It wasn't as if it was obscure knowledge that he was the son of the legendary Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.

As lunch progressed, Ben couldn't help glancing over at Arnie a few more times, however. Everyone was sitting outside eating the lunches that they'd brought from home and Ben couldn't help noticing that all Arnie ate was a big red apple. He watched the way Arnie's eyes darted around, taking in his schoolmates happily munching their fat sandwiches and treacle tarts.

"Is that all he had to eat?" Andy asked loudly, craning his neck to see over the heads of their classmates, his cheeks bulging with steak and kidney pie.

"Dunno," Ben replied, embarrassed for some reason. Perhaps Arnie had already eaten the rest of his lunch, and had saved the apple for last.

And why were they still goggling? He elbowed Andy, hard; his friend yelped and returned the favor and in the wrestling match that ensued, staring and other such rudeness were rendered truly and effectively obsolete.

*****

But the next day, it was the same thing over again. Arnie ate his big red apple, then sat around trying not to watch everyone else downing their mince pies and jam doughnuts. Again, Ben felt that uncomfortable mixture of embarrassment and sympathy. Right there and then, he came up with a quick plan that he put into action that night after dinner.

He was helping his mum clear the table, something he loved to do because she let him use her wand to clear the plates. He couldn't have a wand of his own until Hogwarts, so this was the next best thing. Budget and Vina were cuddled up with Dad on the porch swing outside, too full to do much more than smile and emit contented sighs.

"Scourgify," he said cheerily, waving the wand at the casserole dish the way his mother had shown him. The last of the peas, carrots and gravy vanished and he grinned. Looking up suddenly, he said, "Mum, can I have an extra sandwich tomorrow?"

Hermione glanced at him in surprise. "Why?"

"A growing lad sometimes needs additional nourishment," Ben replied in what he hoped was an endearing tone of voice.

It must have been because his mother smiled and hugged him suddenly. Fighting his mortification (and secret delight), he let her hold him for longer than the normal three seconds. This was for a good cause, after all. "Yes, you do," she said softly.

Ben suppressed the twinge of guilt he felt at her words. She obviously thought he was talking about himself. But was this wrong? It wasn't as if he was lying for his own benefit, was it? "So can I?"

"May you what?"

"Have an extra sandwich?" he repeated, peering up at her through his glasses.

She chuckled. "I don't see why not."

"Wicked! Thanks, Mum."

Objective One: Check.

Later that night, he lay in bed staring about his blurry room (he didn't have on his glasses), trying to devise ways of offering the sandwich to Arnie without it coming across as pity. Even if he didn't have a lot of money, surely Arnie still had his pride and Ben knew he'd personally rather go hungry than have food offered to him in such a way that it would hurt his dignity to accept it.

His little brother made an odd slurping sound in the bed across from him and Ben yawned and rolled over, trying not to fall asleep yet. He wanted to have the next part of the plan worked out before he went to school the next day. After a few more minutes of tossing, he decided that the best way would be to try to come across as non-threatening as possible.. try to.. be.. friend... sleepy...


******

"Hey, can I sit here?" Ben asked brightly of the small, mousy-haired boy who was sitting alone on the grass beneath the beech tree. Apparently, permission to encroach on the tree's territory had been granted. Ben had told Andy that he couldn't eat with him today but hadn't really given an explanation. He'd just thought it would probably be easier for Arnie to accept help if he didn't have an audience.

Arnie shrugged. Up close, Ben could see that there was a small hole in his left trainer and that Arnie's nails were bitten to the quick. "It's a free country."

Ben sat and, after a few minutes of uncertainty, opened his lunch bag. He knew what was inside but pretended to be surprised by the sight of the two neatly wrapped sandwiches nestled between the bottle of pumpkin juice, the banana and the wedge of cherry pie. "Uh-oh. Looks like my Mum made a mistake and gave me an extra sarnie. Want one?" he asked, holding it out.

Arnie's eyes darted quickly to Ben's outstretched hand and back before he muttered, "No, thanks."

Ben sighed as he unwrapped one. "That's too bad. There's no way I'll be able to eat both of them and I'd hate for it to go to waste."

He took a big bite and let his eyes drift shut as he chewed. And no, that wasn't an act because boy, could his Mum cook! The weirdest thing was she couldn't do it with a wand like Grandmum Weasley at the Burrow. Mum could only cook the Muggle way and, perhaps to make up for her frustration at not being able to do it with her wand, she'd worked really hard to master the art of Muggle cooking.

Ben thought his Mum was the best cook in the world and, frankly, that was saying something because he knew a lot of good cooks. Like Dad's friend Jamie Oliver. "This is good! You sure you don't want it? Oh, go on!"

Arnie shrugged his thin shoulders again, but Ben could sense that his resistance was crumbling. "Don't want your charity."

"Then you can definitely have this, cause it's not charity. It's a sandwich!" Ben replied cheerily, shoving the package into the other boy's hand. "You'll like that. It's chicken, ham and swiss with mustard. My Mum makes the best ones."

It took all he had not to whoop when Arnie, after a long moment of hesitation, unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. The other boy chewed slowly, holding the sarnie gingerly in his hands as if expecting it to vanish if he grasped it too tight, his blue eyes determinedly fixed on some point just beyond the horizon.

Finally- "It's good."

Ben grinned, feeling a thrill of success race down his spine. "I told ya."

Objective Two: Check.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Ben decided to chance more. "I'm Ben Potter. What's your name?"

"Arnie Shriver." There was a brief pause in which Ben felt Arnie sneaking glances at him. Then- "Is Harry Potter your dad?"

How very predictable. "Yeah, he is."

Arnie looked awestruck. "Wow! What's that like?"

"Dunno. He's just my Dad," Ben replied, shrugging. Actually, he was used to questions like these. The trick was to downplay it because really, his father was just like anybody else's father. He just happened to be famous as well. "What about your Dad? What does he do?"

"He's a Muggle," Arnie blurted, somewhat defensively, as if he expected Ben to attack him over that piece of information.

"My Grandpa Granger's a Muggle," Ben supplied matter-of-factly and felt, rather than saw, Arnie relax. "What does your Dad do?"

It took Arnie a while to answer. "Nothing right now. But he's trying really hard to find work. My Mum has to stay home with my little brothers. They're twins."

'So that's why his shoes are worn and he doesn't have any lunch,' Ben mused to himself, as he listened to the other boy crumpling the empty wrapper in his fists. He silently resolved to bring Arnie something every day from now on, if he could. He was sure Mum wouldn't mind.

"I have a big brother, but he went away to Hogwarts this year," Arnie was saying. He all of a sudden seemed to have a lot to say. Maybe that was what hunger did - it made you mute and eating something cures the verbal lockjaw. Hmm, something to read up on or ask Mum or Dad about...

Ben looked over at him. "My sister, Emerson, is at Hogwarts too."

"I can't wait to go there. It sounds so awesome," Arnie spouted, his blue eyes suddenly coming alive. "Mum told us so many cool stories about going to school there."

"Yeah, it's really neat," Ben agreed. "My sister said-"

"Oi, Ben!" came a shout from the right. It was Andy. "There you are. What're you doing sitting over he- oh." Andy's eyes landed on Arnie and he frowned. "What're you sitting with him for?"

Ben glared at him. "It's a free country, isn't it?" he echoed, and thought he saw a flicker of a grin on Arnie's face.

Andy stared down at them indecisively for a long moment before he flopped down on the grass too. "Whatever. I'm Andy Wood. You're Arnie, right?"

The smaller boy gave a tic of a nod.

"Welcome to Woodlands, Arnie. So what's your team?"

Ben laughed. Trust Andy to insert Quidditch just like that! For all his occasional flashes of mean-spiritedness, Andy really was cool. And in no time at all, the three of them were arguing Quidditch and jokingly mocking each other in that bewildering way that boys do.

The sense of accomplishment and pride that Ben felt over what he'd done did not quickly diminish. He and Arnie never spoke about it but over the next few days, he brought what he could from home to share with his new friend at lunchtime.

He decided not to tell his parents where the extra food was really going, though. No reason to embarrass hilarious, Chudley Cannons-loving Arnie, his new pal.

Objective Three: Check.

Because everybody deserved to have a friend.


******

End Notes:

1. In case anyone is wondering about Woodlands' enrollment being open to age 13, whereas in canon Hogwarts letters are sent out at age 11, this was just my way of providing a loophole for.. ahem.. dunces (think Crabbe, Goyle, Marcus Flint).

2. The title of this chapter is from one of the first poems I ever memorized, by a Jamaican poet named Roger Mais. Oh, I love it still! It's entitled: Children Coming Home From School

I can hear
The gospel of little feet
Go choiring down
The dusty asphalt road.
Beneath the vast cathedral of sky
With the sun for steeple,
Evangelizing with laughter,
Go the shining ones-
The little people

3. Please review! Thanks :)

A/N: Thanks to you guys who reviewed! funvince, tabitoo, RickyElRey (dual reviewing, eh? You rock!), shawnpickett (I promise you'll find out Arnie's deal eventually :) And thanks to the anonymous reviewer.

As always, many thanks to Liss for the beta!



Chapter Ten - But Things Have Changed


Isn't it strange how the loss of the anticipation of something can ache even more than the loss of the something itself? Even if you do get what you were anticipating, after receiving it, you go through a kind of withdrawal that might take upwards of weeks to overcome.

And if you don't even get what you were anticipating in the first place - the ache lies just beneath the surface, deceptively dormant because absolutely anything can make it rear its head without a hint or a warning.

For Emerson, this time it was the sight of that t-shirt she'd gotten in Dallas that had made that now familiar all-encompassing agony stab through her being. Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly? asked the t-shirt.

She'd thought it was cool, thinking it kinda funny that it was being sold in a Muggle store where they obviously thought there was only one meaning to the word "fly". Obviously "fly" in that sentence was as in "airplane", right? Or, to be extreme, perhaps as in the feeling of being "high", were one to partake of more illicit smoking materials. Certainly it had nothing to do with broomsticks! Really, what nonsense!

Em folded the top and placed it back in her trunk with a sad smile. Mum didn't like this shirt. She thought it "promoted aberrant behavior", was how she'd phrased it and had had a long and candid discussion with Em about substance abuse and what a persistent, wide-reaching problem it was in both the Muggle and Wizarding worlds. Not that she had even the slightest interest in getting involved in any of that stuff, and she'd told her mother that.

But today, the t-shirt reminded her that she would not be doing any flying any time soon. At the very least, not with the Gryffindor Quidditch team. That opportunity had flown away, pardon the pun, and wasn't going to be coming back for a while.

'And whose fault is that?' hissed a small voice in the back of her head.

Whose fault was it? Sometimes she thought it was all Smiley's fault for sending her those damn letters and clippings, for contaminating her mind. Sometimes she thought it was her parents' fault for not being completely honest with her, for glossing over the nastier details of her existence so that when she did find them out, they came as a massive shock. Sometimes she even thought it was Julia Thomas's fault for being such a bleeding heart and not trying to preserve her own life.

The vast majority of the time, however, Emerson knew it was her own fault. It was her fault for continuing to open the envelopes when there was every sign that the contents weren't ever going to change in tone. It was her fault for forgetting the sacrifice that Julia had made. It was her fault for being so self-centered, for thinking she had any right to want something like that.

It was her own fault for hoping, for anticipating something so much that with its untimely demise, she was left frequently crying herself to sleep out of sheer disappointment.

Oh, how she wished she had listened to Lyna! She wished she had left that clipping till after the tryouts. That way, she would've been safely on the team and there'd've been no way it could have prevented her from fulfilling her dream then. The most she could've done in that case would be to try to resign and there wasn't a chance that Kal Durham, the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, would've let her.

But no, she'd just had to "get it out of the way". Stupid!

'There you go, thinking only about yourself again. You had no right to be on the team, anyway. So it's just as well that you read it before the tryouts,' another voice piped up.

And with that thought came guilt. She felt guilty for wishing that she'd done things differently. She felt that she deserved what had happened, yet at the same time she wished that what happened hadn't. She felt so disappointed and the next second, her disappointment turned to guilt for feeling disappointed.

God, she was so confused!

And it didn't help that everyone was on her case for missing the tryouts. Marissa and Marc had practically ambushed her at dinner that night, demanding to know where she'd been and-

"How in the name of heaven could you have missed the tryouts, Em?! Did you get temporary amnesia or something or what? I'm completely bamboozled here. Help me understand!" Marissa had exclaimed over and over again, gazing at Emerson as if she were some bewildering multiple-hex victim with eyes on her forehead and teeth in her nose.

"I already told you. I changed my mind," Em muttered to her plate, keeping her head down so the older girl - and the rest of the Gryffindor table that was eagerly listening to the conversation - couldn't see the tears shining in her eyes. The reality had only just began to sink in that her opportunity was really and truly gone. She would not get another chance to try out for at least two years when Marissa would leave Hogwarts, hence vacating a Chaser spot. And then, the odds would be less favorable that she would get on the team, what with there would be only one available spot instead of two like there was this time.

But why the hell did they have to keep rubbing it in that her chance was gone? Why did they have to keep telling her how much she'd been looking forward to it? Did they think she'd forgotten that? Didn't they know that her disappointment was at least ten times worse than whatever kind of letdown they were experiencing?

Marc sat down beside her and leaned forward, trying to peer into her eyes. "You keep saying you changed your mind. Okay. But why did you?"

Because I'm an ungrateful, murdering, self-centered brat and thus undeserving, that's why.

Such self-negativity was still so alien to Emerson that she had sprung up from the table and turned the anger she felt at herself onto the people who were trying to pry into her business. "I already told you! I just changed my mind! Stop ganging up on me!"

She had stormed blindly out of the Great Hall, managing to hold back her sobs until she'd reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, who had sympathetically swung open after Em repeatedly tried and failed to choke out the password.

"It's alright, dearie. I know what you're trying to say," the Fat Lady had said gently. "Go on up and do what you need to do. We all need a good cry every now and then."

"T-Thanks," Em sobbed.

And she'd done just that until sleep overtook her.

But the morning hadn't brought any relief from the interrogations. Emerson wished she hadn't been so vocal before about her intense desire to be on the Gryffindor team. Because now, even people from other houses were stopping her in the corridors to badger her about it. They'd taken to asking Carolyna too, but thankfully Lyna hadn't said anything to anyone. Yet. Em didn't think her friend really understood what had happened, anyway, which made her situation all the more precarious.

To make matters worse, the next letter that arrived from Smiley was definitely one for the record books in terms of nastiness. Somehow, Smiley had thought the eulogy clipping wouldn't affect her and had tried to "make up" for that by being particularly mean. Em had, for the first time, read the letter without Lyna and had been so hurt by the vicious words that she'd skipped lunch and cried in the empty Charms classroom until the bell rang signaling the next lesson. When asked where she'd been and why she wasn't at lunch, she'd lied and said she hadn't been hungry. Though come to think of it, that hadn't really been a lie; food was pretty much beginning to lose its appeal these days. Just try eating when you have an ever-expanding lump of misery lodged in your throat.

Tomorrow, it would be a week since her dream was bludgeoned to death and she knew not to expect relief any time soon. Because today after lessons, she would be going home to spend the weekend with her family. It was her Mum's and little sister's birthdays this weekend and, instead of forward to this, Emerson was now dreading it. If people who knew her casually could be so curious and persistent, how would she possibly survive the questions of those who knew her best?

'But they don't really know you, did they?' asked the hissing voice that had taken up residence in her head. 'They don't know what a-'

"SHUT UP!" she burst out, letting the lid of her trunk slam shut. The noise startled her out of her haze and, chest heaving, she stared down at the wand she was gripping tightly in her hand.

Her wand? When had she picked it up, anyway? Emerson let it drop onto her bed and covered her face with her hands, breathing rapidly. Bloody hell, she was losing her mind. She had shouted at herself, for Christ's sake. Was this what people meant when they said someone was "touched in the head"?

"Emerson?"

She looked up quickly and blinked in surprise. The strangeness factor of the day had just jumped up another notch. Olivia Weasley was standing in the doorway, looking down at her with a concerned expression, her vivid red hair gathered haphazardly away from her face. Olivia was the eldest child of Uncle George and Aunt Nina and was a fifth year like Brandon Wood. She was in Gryffindor too, of course, but Em rarely interacted with her; Olivia definitely marched to the beat of her own drummer, to put it mildly. She had a brother, Rory, who was a third year and who was really shy but had the most amazing singing voice.

"Hi, Olivia," Em said uncertainly. "What's up?"

Olivia leaned her left hand against the door, her brown eyes darting wildly about the room before settling back on Em. "Are you all right? I thought I heard you shouting at someone?"

"Um, no. You must've-" Em began, then stopped as a bubble of shame welled up and popped inside her. She'd been about to say that Olivia must have imagined it. That fitted in perfectly with Olivia's personality anyway, didn't it? She believed the weirdest things, she smoked Muggle cigarettes and it was common knowledge that she never wore a bra. It wouldn't be hard to tell her that she'd just been hearing things.

Except that that would've been an incredibly mean thing to do - not unlike something Jerrianne Youngleer would instigate without batting an eye and derive great enjoyment from. And it would be a lie, besides. Em felt bad enough about herself without sinking to the level of the classmate she most detested.

"Actually, I was talking to myself," she amended with a blush. "I guess I got a bit carried away."

The other girl smiled. "That's all right. I talk to myself all the time. Sometimes thinking out loud makes it easier to figure things out, y'know?"

"Er, yeah, I guess. Sorry if I bothered you."

"You didn't. I was just heading outside for a quick fag," Olivia said, holding up the packet of smokes. She sighed. "I wish I didn't need them so much, actually."

Emerson was startled by the admission. She'd always thought Olivia seemed content with herself and didn't care what anybody thought of her. Kind of like Aunt Luna. "Really? Why don't you just stop smoking them, then?"

Olivia fixed her with a look of pity. "Merlin, you're so naive. It's adorable, though, in retrospect. Makes me wish I could go back to when I was that innocent." She stepped back from the door and turned to leave. "But don't worry about it. Everybody has their quirks, right? I sure as heck have mine."

And she was gone, leaving Emerson staring at the doorway in bewilderment. What did Olivia mean she was naive?

And innocent?

"Yeah, right," Em muttered. "If you only knew, Olivia. If you only knew."

She went back to packing her trunk, trying to think of ways to stave off the inevitable maelstrom of inquiries that she would face once she got home that evening. She couldn't possibly tell them the reason for her abrupt decision, could she? What if they pried the information about Smiley out of her and Smiley somehow found out and hurt Ben, Budget or Vina to punish her?

The thought made her freeze in horror, so that she quickly gave up that line of thinking and forced herself to focus instead on the fact that she would be with her family again. Think of how great it would be to see them, to see little Davina's face when she opened the present that Em had gotten her!

There was no reason for them to discover the darker aspects of her soul, of her existence. There was no need for them to know that their safety likely hinged on her keeping her mouth shut. She could do this. She had to. And she would do whatever it took to keep them safe. Even if it meant carrying this burden all alone.

Because, anyway, she had no one to blame but herself.


******

"Wotcher, Harry! You're early," Fred Weasley said brightly by way of greeting as Harry stepped inside the noisy chaos that was the largest store of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. The store was located in a prime spot in Diagon Alley and somehow, Harry had never quite gotten used to this craziness, even though he had always been more or less involved with the company.

The twins had done very well for themselves, indeed. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes (or 3W as it was commonly called) was a major player in the tricks, pranks and jokes business and there were typically at least a half-dozen store openings a year all around the world. Needless to say, the twins and their investors were not in any danger of financial ruin from this angle any time soon and as the very first investor in the company, Harry was included in that statement. He was a silent partner on the board of directors for 3W but that was the extent of his involvement these days.

Except as a customer, of course. Today, he was here to pick up some party favors for Hermione's and Davina's birthday celebration, as well as some other business to attend to.

"Your order is being put together as we speak," Fred continued, letting Harry into his office, which was cluttered with noisy, colorful prototypes of future products. Despite all the people they had working for them, Fred and George were still the chief designers of all the 3W merchandise. The dual wells of creativity, apparently, hadn't yet run dry. "George is personally seeing to it. Only the best for Sir Potter, right?"

Harry snorted as he took a seat. "Yeah, yeah. But I'm picking up Em here too, remember?"

"Oh, that's right. I forgot. What time does her Portkey get in?"

"She should be here in about ten minutes," Harry answered after consulting his watch. He'd thought this would be a good place to have her arrive so that she could help him pick out some other things or if she needed to buy a present.

Fred leaned forward, a frown on his freckly face. Harry noticed that there was a rather cartoonish white stripe down the middle of the other man's bright hair, surely a temporary souvenir from one of his and George's crazy experiments. "Speaking of Emerson, though, what do you think about her not trying out for the Quidditch team?"

"What?" Harry said sharply, sitting up straighter. "Where'd you hear that?"

"From my twins. What, you didn't know?" Fred asked, gaping at Harry.

Harry stared, confusion surging through his mind. No, he hadn't known. He and Hermione had sent Em a "Good Luck!" owl, also signed by Ben, Luke and Davina, on the day of the tryouts and she'd sent a thank you note in response. They had thought it surprising that Emerson hadn't written to tell them about the tryouts but he'd just figured she was waiting till she came home. That way she could give the whole animated play-by-play without any constraints.

But now Fred was saying she hadn't tried out at all?

"No, I didn't know," he said finally with a deep frown. "Are you sure about this?"

"Positive. I was shocked too when I heard, that's why it stuck. Hasn't she been wanting to do this practically since she could walk? Think she got stage fright?"

Harry shook his head. "I don't know. I'll be sure to have a talk with her, though." He leaned back in his chair, looking troubled. Why hadn't Em tried out for the team? Why hadn't she owled them about it? What could possibly keep her from doing something she'd been wanting to do for ages?

So occupied was he with these thoughts that it took him a few seconds to register that someone was tapping his shoulder. Glancing up, he saw the object of his confusion looking down at him with a smile dancing about her mouth.

"Earth to Dad! Earth to Dad!"

He smiled as he stood up to hug her. "Hey. Did you just get here?"

"Yeah." Emerson pointed at the Portkey on Fred's desk, a full bottle of Butterbeer. "Think this is still safe to drink, Uncle Fred?"

Fred chuckled. "I don't see why not. Hey, Emerson? You okay? Everything all right?"

Harry watched his daughter intently, looking to see her reaction to those questions. She merely looked puzzled, however. "Sure. Why?"

Fred glanced quickly at Harry, who shook his head the tiniest bit. He didn't want to broach the subject here. He needed to talk to Hermione about this first, see what his wife thought about this strange development.

"Just you going back for your second year and all," Fred supplied effortlessly. "How has it been so far?"

Em shrugged. "Oh, it's fine. It's fine."

"Good. That's good. Well, let's go see if that slow-as-molasses brother of mine has finished putting together your order, Harry. It should be done by now."

"Hey! Watch who you're calling 'slow'," interjected a voice from the doorway. George came into the room carrying a large and loudly decorated box, which he presented to Harry with aplomb. "There ya go. It should have everything you wanted... and I added some extra stuff."

Harry fixed him with a look of suspicion. "If you've put anything in there that causes my wife to get mad at me, Weasley, you're going to pay."

"Ah, you wound me, Harry!" George cried dramatically, clutching his chest. "You truly wound me! But I won't hold it against you. I'm a professional. Here, let me shrink the box so you can get it home easier."

After pocketing the now walnut-sized box, Harry picked up his daughter's bag and thanked the twins. "See you lot tomorrow, then. Two o'clock, all right?"

"Aye, aye Captain!" the twins chorused, complete with salute, making Emerson giggle.
Even now that they were in their forties, Fred and George Weasley had hardly changed from their schoolboy alter-egos. Frankly, Harry didn't know how Angelina and Nina, respectively, managed to keep their husbands in line.

They browsed the shelves for a few more minutes, before deciding that there wasn't anything else they wanted. Harry took out his wand and tapped Emerson's bag, turning it into a quick Portkey. He looked down at his daughter. "Ready?"

"Yeah," she said, placing her hand on the bag too.

Perhaps he'd imagined the fleeting look of apprehension in her green eyes. Why on earth would his daughter be worried about going home, anyway?

The strange thought was pushed out of his head by the familiar tug behind his navel as the Portkey activated and by the time they arrived on the large and lush hand-woven rug in Ballynore's foyer, to be immediately and loudly pounced upon by Luke and Davina, Harry had forgotten that he'd ever thought it at all.


*********

Late the next night, after all the party guests had left and the house was cleaner and quieter once again, Harry sat in the living room looking over some documents from work. Hermione was doing the same thing and Emerson was lying on the carpet reading a book. Ben, Luke and Davina had all been put to bed, worn out from the exertions of the day.

The day had been busy and loud, crammed with all the people they considered extended family, as they celebrated Hermione's thirty-eighth birthday and Davina's second. Davina had been born the day after Hermione's birthday two years ago, a belated but oh-so-welcome gift. Sometimes Harry couldn't even recall how he and Hermione could possibly have decided not to have any more children after Luke. Because with Davina here now, that decision had obviously been erroneous.

Harry knew that his wife agreed that this was one case where they were both delighted to have been wrong.

He looked over at his other daughter, who seemed to be staring at a page of her book without really reading. At the very least, her eyes were not moving. Which suddenly reminded Harry of something. With all the things going on that day, he hadn't had a chance to talk to Emerson about what Fred had told him. Hermione had been just as perplexed as he was when he mentioned it to her and they'd both agreed that they should hear what their daughter had to say before going any further. They'd also decided that it would probably be best if only one of them questioned her, just so she didn't feel ganged up on.

As if she sensed his gaze, Em looked over at him and he was surprised to see the steely look on her face, as if she was bracing herself for something. Before he'd had a chance to ponder it, however, she closed her book and got up from the floor.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed now," she announced, tossing her long hair over her shoulder.

"Already?" Harry asked. It wasn't quite ten o'clock and usually Em had to be threatened with all manner of horror for her to even go to bed before eleven. She was a night owl of the highest order.

"Yeah," she said rather more defensively than Harry thought the situation warranted.

Hermione looked concerned. "Are you all right, Em?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired."

Quickly coming to a decision, Harry stood up and laid aside the parchments he was scrutinizing. "I'd like to have a quick word with you, though, before you go."

Emerson frowned. "Can't it wait till tomorrow?"

Harry was tempted to say yes but something about her voice made all the questions begin nagging at him even more insistently than ever before. "I'm afraid it can't. Let's go into my office."

His daughter sighed impatiently and stormed away ahead of him without another word. Harry and Hermione exchanged looks of surprise. This was not like Emerson at all. What was going on?

His sense of apprehension increasing, Harry entered his office and closed the door behind him. "Have a seat."

"No, thanks. I'd rather stand," she answered irritably.

"Okay," he said as he sat down on the couch in the corner. "Is everything all right?"

Emerson threw up her hands. "Why does everybody keep asking me that?!"

"Who's 'everybody'?" Harry asked, leaning forward.

"You, Mum, Uncle Ron, Uncle Fred. Is something supposed to be going on with me?" she raged, her face turning red.

"I don't know. Is there?"

"NO, DAD!" Em snapped. "I'm fine!"

"I'm not liking your tone, Emerson. Do not speak to me that way. Regardless of how upset you might be, I am still your father," Harry said sternly, yet striving to keep his voice low and calm. No use antagonizing her further, though his mind was racing trying to figure out why his daughter was so angry with him.

"As if I could ever forget that," she muttered under her breath, but Harry heard her and for a moment was at a loss for words. Was that why she was so upset - because she was his child? A chilling sense of anxiety swept over him. This was something he'd worried about ever since Emerson was a baby and the world-at-large had found out about her. He didn't want his children to suffer just because he was their father. What did Emerson mean by that?

But, shaking his head, he decided to let it go for now. He needed to get back to the matter at hand. "The reason I'm concerned, Emerson, is I heard you hadn't tried out for the Quidditch team. What happened? You've been wanting to do that for as long as I can remember."

Em shrugged. "I changed my mind."

But Harry noticed she avoided his eyes as she said it. "But why?" he persisted. "What happened to make you change your mind about something like that?"

Her head snapped up and Harry caught a flash of something like fear in the green eyes so like his. The next second, however, his daughter spoke and there was no way the fire in her eyes now could be mistaken for anything but fury. "Why does there have to be a reason? What, now I'm not allowed to just change my mind?"

"Of course you are," Harry said quickly, taken aback by the venom being flung at him by his firstborn. "But you know you can tell me anything, Emerson, right? Or your Mum?"

She looked away, blinking rapidly and it was a moment before she looked up again. "Was there anything else?"

'Yes there is,' Harry thought, gazing at his child who was so obviously troubled about something. 'What's going on? Why are you so angry at me? What are you hiding? Where did my happy little girl go?'

But instead he shook his head. He didn't want to push her. He knew her and she would come to him or Hermione when she was ready. "No, that's it. Good night."

She stared at him for a full minute, her expression unreadable before she turned and left the room without another word. Harry slumped back against the couch, ripped his glasses off and covered his eyes with his hand. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions: shock, fear, confusion, worry.

What the heck was that? Was this what all the parents of teenagers had warned him was impending? Was this secrecy, this volatility what he had to look forward to, not only with Emerson but with his other children too? Merlin, he was honestly shocked more than anything else.

And then, through the haze, another feeling emerged. Deep in his heart an ache began as he came to a realization so seemingly trivial but which nevertheless made everything else appear ten times worse: she hadn't said 'Good night' back.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate it very much. Here's the next one and comments/constructive criticisms would be very much appreciated. Thank you!


Chapter Eleven - Who Made These Rules?


October arrived in a swirl of howling winds and chilly rain that seemed to jump the Hertfordshire hills in sheets to smash into the walls of Ballynore. The weather appeared to bring with it all manner of germs and viruses, or perhaps it just appeared that way to Hermione. Davina was now getting booster Pepper Up Potions at least once a week; the poor kid seemed especially vulnerable to whatever bug that was going around.

Ben and Luke were enjoying their school and Emerson... Hermione really didn't know what to think. She and Harry had had a long discussion about Em's behavior, but as this was so new, they really had nothing to go on. The young girl had apologized to her father the next morning for her outburst but still hadn't told them anything further about her Quidditch decision. Nothing else seemed to be out of the ordinary. Maybe it was puberty; she was twelve years old, anyway. High time for those changes to start happening, and emotional outbursts were to be expected, Hermione told herself. But something about it made her uneasy.

Em owled them twice weekly, brief little notes saying she was drowning in homework but was otherwise fine. Harry and Hermione sent her care packages at least once a week, filled with news about what was happening at home as well as some of Em's favorite foodstuff.

Work, too, was going well. Puddlemere was on the warpath. Their ranking had jumped to number one just last week and Harry and Oliver had ordered an extra regimen of training sessions that the bad weather had done nothing to interrupt. They intended to hold onto the top spot for as long as they were able, come hell or high water.

With Hermione's job, they were currently researching the difference between Muggle and Wizard Flu and why Muggles almost always had fatal reactions to the Wizard version. This was something especially sensitive to Hermione because her father had nearly died from a particularly virulent strain of the flu that had developed into pneumonia. It had been just before Davina was born, and her father had been in a coma for more than a month. They hadn't thought he would ever wake up and had named their newborn daughter in his honor -- "Davina" for David Granger.

Thankfully, he had miraculously recovered (Harry had a theory about that, actually) and while he was by no means an invalid, he had never really regained all his strength. Hermione and Harry had invited him to live at Ballynore with them but her father had politely declined, choosing instead to remain in his own home but with a live-in personal assistant.

Hermione was jolted from her thoughts as the front passenger door of the Jaguar was yanked open and Ben hopped in, slamming the door. He waved wildly at someone out the window before turning to grin at his mother.

"Hi Mum."

"Hey," she said, leaning over to drop a kiss on his slightly damp head. "How was school?"

"It was all right," he replied, rubbing his glasses on his robes to dry them. "Nothing earthshaking happened."

She smiled as she pushed the Invisibility Booster that would allow them to travel much faster than mere driving would. She wanted to get home quickly because her dad was watching Luke and Vina for her, and Lord knew what kind of mischief those two would charm their grandfather into letting them into. Harry was in Brussels with the team and wouldn't be back until tomorrow night, and she missed him terribly. She always hated when they had to be apart.

"What do you know about reversible and irreversible reactions?" Ben asked suddenly, looking over at her.

Hermione hastily pushed away the thoughts of her husband and his absence. "Hmm, let's see," she said, her brow furrowed as she strove to recall the definitions. "A reversible reaction is one in which the products of a reaction can react back to produce the original reactants. And basically an irreversible reaction is one that can't revert back to the originals."

Ben gaped at her in awe. "Wow, Mum! That's Muggle science stuff! How come you know it?"

"I read a lot, remember?" she replied, smiling over at him. "Just like a certain someone I know."

Her son grinned. "Miss McDonald brought in a Chemistry book from that school you and Dad wanted me to go to?"

"Yeah."

"And I was reading up on that while everybody else did homework revision. It's kind of fascinating, isn't it?" he asked, his eyes shining behind his glasses. "Like how water can turn into ice and back to water. Whereas if you burn wood, you get ash but you can't turn the ash back into wood."

"That's the way it usually works," Hermione commented as the car rolled swiftly through London's wet and foggy streets.

He was quiet for a while before he spoke again. "I wonder what it's like to be a Muggle. To be so limited. I mean, the reversible and irreversible stuff doesn't apply to us, does it?"

"No, it doesn't. If you're in the Wizarding world, you can usually cheat science and turn almost anything into whatever you want, if you know how," she answered, silently marveling at his depth of insight. She'd personally never thought about that before. He was so smart and she was so proud of him.

"D'you think you'd have minded being a Muggle?"

She turned to look at him. Would she have? On the one hand, she'd likely have gotten to spend more time with her parents, something she regretted especially with her mother being gone and herself being a mother now. Sometimes, she wished she could talk to her mum about her children, the joys, sorrows and fears of raising them. Molly Weasley helped a bit in that regard but nothing took the place of her own mother.

But on the other hand, if she'd been a Muggle, then she never would have gone to Hogwarts. She never would have met Harry and Ron. She never would have gone through all those adventures with them.

She never would have fallen in love with Harry and there would be no Ben, among other things.

"Yeah," Ben replied when she told him that, frowning thoughtfully. "I wonder if there are alternate realities and in some of the others, you and Dad never met and I don't exist."

The thought sent a tingle of unease down her spine and she was supremely glad that he did exist. She was supremely glad that Emerson, Luke and Davina existed and she was astronomically glad that Harry existed. "Sounds scary, doesn't it?"

Her son grinned. "Kinda." As the car turned into the long, winding lane that led to Ballynore, Ben turned to her again. "Mum?"

"Hmm?"

"Can my friend Arnie come over on Saturday?"

She looked over at him, startled by the change of topic. "Arnie?"

"Yeah. Arnie Shriver. He's in Rajiv's class but he hangs out with me and Andy. He's really funny."

Hermione looked slightly puzzled. She'd never heard him mention an Arnie Shriver before. Who was this kid and how did Ben come to be friends with him? Hmm.. perhaps she should have him over and perhaps her questions would be answered. "I thought you were having Andy over."

Ben nodded. "I am, but I want Arnie to come too. So can he?"

"Well, if it's okay with his parents, I don't see why not. I'll send them an owl," she said, parking in the garage and using her wand to shut off the engine.

He beamed. "Thanks Mum. You're the best."

Hermione couldn't resist her heart swelling at those words and she smiled at him. "I am, aren't I?"

Ben laughed and she ruffled his already untidy head as they went inside. Hermione hugged and thanked her father, who had been showing Luke how to twirl a yo-yo. She watched as Luke tried it yet again, his small forehead creased in concentration as he tried to jerk the classic Muggle toy.

"This is too hard," he whined at last as the string tangled yet again. "Grandpa, let Mum tap it with her wand and it'll just spin."

Mr. Granger sighed. "But that would defeat the purpose of a yo-yo, Budget. The whole point is that you make it spin."

"Well, this little boy can't make it spin so it's a bust," Luke commented dryly and his grandfather burst out laughing.

Hermione hid a smile as she stooped to cuddle and kiss her daughter, who had attached herself to her mother's leg while loudly clamoring for attention. She was so glad that she still had her Dad. Seeing him with her children always brought home the fact that she had come so close to losing him, that her children had almost lost their best link to the world into which she had been born. Ben's curiosity warmed her heart because as long as that curiosity existed, there would be no room for apathy or feelings of superiority. The wizarding world had come very far since the final defeat of Voldemort, but Hermione knew that negative feelings towards Muggles still existed.

"Let me try it, Grandpa," said Ben, dropping his backpack and picking up the discarded toy.

Davina toddled away to sit on her namesake's lap and Luke ran over to hug his mother in greeting. She held him close, feeling his small arms around her neck and suddenly she missed Harry so much, the ache became almost palpable. He had only been gone two nights but she just missed him horribly.

As if he sensed her distress, Luke pulled away and peered at her with the green eyes he'd inherited from his father. "Are you sad, Mummy?"

Blinking back tears in surprise, she nodded. "Yeah, a little bit. I miss Daddy."

"I miss him too. But don't worry. He'll be back home tomorrow, okay?" Luke assured her wisely.

Feeling strangely like the child instead of the adult, she nodded again. "Okay," letting him go so he could yell in awe at Ben, who had quickly deduced the way the yo-yo worked and was twirling it to the delight of his grandfather and younger siblings. Of course, after that new demonstration, Luke put forward a fresh effort to master the toy. If his big brother could do it then, by Jove, so could he!

That night when she went to bed, after all the kids had been tucked in and read to (she tried not to take it personally that none of them wanted her to read to them; only Grandpa would do), she laid alone in the huge bed and tried to hold onto her five-year-old son's words. He'll be back home tomorrow. She knew that, of course; she was just being silly. She was just wishing that he was here to hold, to thank for all joy he had brought to her life; for all the dreams he had made come true.

For the fact that he did exist and because of him, these wonderful beings did too.

She would have to wait till the morrow. For now, she held his pillow tight, inhaled deeply of his scent and fell asleep.

******

Ben was particularly excited for lunchtime the next day because he had the good news to share with Arnie that he could come over to Ballynore that weekend. Having been afflicted by one of those nasty bugs going around, Andy wasn't at school that day and Ben was sort of glad about that. He still wasn't entirely sure how his best friend felt about Arnie. Most of the time, everything seemed to be fine, but sometimes Ben would catch Andy scowling at Arnie when the other boy wasn't looking.

It seemed Andy was slightly threatened by the younger boy. Which Ben didn't understand at all. Couldn't he have more than one friend? It wasn't as if he'd replaced Andy with Arnie or anything; Andy was still his best friend.

He was late getting outside for lunch because Miss McDonald wanted to go over some things from that science book with him. He had blushed at her praise of his homework about the reversible/irreversible assignment that she'd given him and there was a definite spring in his step as he hurried outside.

It had stopped raining, though the sky was still overcast and a few people were furtively trying to dry puddles via wandless magic. Most of his schoolmates were sitting around eating, but there was quite a large crowd gathered near the beech tree.

'Probably they've found a nest of newts or toads that got flooded out by the rain,' Ben thought as he weaved his way across the courtyard, craning his neck for Arnie. He couldn't see his friend anywhere and he decided to look inside. Maybe Arnie was still in class, for some reason.

"Ben!"

He spun around. After a few seconds of searching, he saw who had yelled his name. Rajiv was beckoning to him frantically from the edge of the large crowd by the beech tree.

"What?" he called, neither wanting nor caring to see newts or toads right now. Besides, he didn't have time for this. Poor Arnie was probably starving.

Apparently impatient with Ben's lack of action, Rajiv came sprinting over. Clutching his side, he pointed back at the crowd. "Arnie," he panted. "Paddy's got Arnie."

Ben's eyes widened in horror behind his glasses. Paddy McPherson was the biggest bully at Woodlands and nearly every student had a horror story about a run-in with him. The fact that he was already twelve and bigger than the other kids gave him a definite advantage, which he had no qualms about utilizing.

Ben hadn't been treated any differently. In fact, Paddy had taken special delight in tormenting him until he realized that Ben didn't react the way he wanted him to. Instead of getting mad, crying or cowering, Ben had simply tuned Paddy out and ignored him, and after awhile the older boy had gotten bored and left him alone.

But Arnie- he was new. He didn't know the best way to respond to Paddy. The bully had only just returned to school and in his absence, Ben had forgotten to advise Arnie.

With Rajiv hot on his tail, he ran over and pushed his way through the crowd. Reaching the front, he stared at what was happening in front of him. Arnie was standing beside the beech tree with his head hanging down while Paddy plucked at his threadbare robes and shoved him.

"I mean, what's up with the clothes?" Paddy taunted, his broad face twisted with malicious glee. "Did you lose a bet or do you always dress like this?" His two sidekicks, Paul Raptor and Dirk Messner, guffawed appreciatively while Arnie flushed deeply.

For what felt like forever but in reality was only about a minute, Ben stood and watched everybody watch. Most people were looking both scared and relieved at the same time, scared for Arnie yet relieved that they weren't the ones being bullied. Arnie's arms hung limply at his sides, his head bowed as if he was ashamed of himself. Why? Arnie had nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn't his fault that his dad got laid off from his job and couldn't find another one. It wasn't his fault that his mother was consumed by two chronically-ill toddlers. Yet he was being treated as if it was.

And Ben was livid.

His Mum and Dad had always taught him that it was our choices and actions that made us who we really are, not our last names, not our blood pedigree and certainly not the state of our clothes. And in spite of everything, Arnie chose to be a good person, a really funny person. He didn't deserve this.

"Leave him alone!" Ben yelled, stalking forward. Before anyone else could react, he stopped short right behind Paddy, grasped him by the back of his robes and yanked him forcefully away from Arnie.

"What the-" the bully sputtered. Nobody had ever dared stand up to him before and his face contorted further when he saw Ben. "You! Come to play the hero like your famous father, Potter?'

"Whatever," Ben snapped. "You just leave my friends alone."

Paddy looked Arnie up and down, a sneer on his face. "You're friends with this?"

Ben's hazel eyes flashed as he glared up at the bigger boy. "His name is Arnie. And yes, I am. You wanna make something of it? You have a problem with that?"

"Mind your own business, Four Eyes. I wasn't bothering you. I'm just having some fun with- what'd you say his name was? Smarmy?" Paddy snorted at his own joke and casually shoved Arnie, who lost his balance. He tried to break his fall but the ground beneath his feet was wet and muddy, and he slipped and fell heavily, his whole weight landing on his left arm.

Paddy, Paul and Dirk burst out laughing as if that was the funniest thing they had ever seen and even a few people snickered in the crowd. Arnie was cradling his elbow, making little pitiful whimpers and something exploded in Ben's head. Almost without deciding to do so, his fist was sailing through the air and connecting squelchily with Paddy's nose. The bully let out a yowl like a punctured cat, his small eyes watering in pain and fury. He lunged for Ben and the two boys fell to the ground beside Arnie and rapidly became a blurred tangle of arms, legs, yelps and thuds, writhing around in the mud.

Ben's heart was pounding, his ears were ringing from the shouts of his schoolmates, his left jaw was aching from where Paddy had got him good but the only thing that mattered was making this piece of filth pay for hurting his friend, for mocking him, for-

He was yanked away from Paddy roughly by the back of his robes and pulled to his feet. Turning around, he found himself looking into the shocked and furious grey eyes of his teacher. "Benjamin Potter! What is the meaning of this? Explain yourself!"

Breathing heavily, Ben glared at Paddy with hatred, taking little pleasure in fact that Paddy's nose was bleeding profusely or that he had a long red welt down one cheek. Ben could feel his jaw throbbing, his fists were still clenched and there was something trickling from one side of his mouth. He swiped angrily at it.

"Benjamin! Didn't you hear what I said? Explain yourself!"

Some of the rage that he was feeling dissipated enough for Ben to feel the beginnings of embarrassment creeping up on him. Dropping his head, he stared instead at his muddy shoes, unable to bear the look of profound disappointment in the eyes of one of the adults he so admired.

"Go to the Headmistress' office right now. Both of you!" Miss McDonald said sharply. "And all the rest of you, to your classrooms. Immediately!"

The crowd parted to let them through and Ben walked slowly back into the building, myriad emotions now competing for dominance inside him. On the one hand, he had done the right thing, hadn't he? He had stood up for his friend. He had defended him.

But on the other hand, he had let Miss McDonald down. Hadn't he? Why else would she look at him like that, as if she had never seen him before, as if she hadn't barely twenty minutes ago been telling him how proud she was of him? Hadn't he done what was right in standing up to Paddy?

Later, even though they all asked him why, he wouldn't tell them. He hadn't had a chance to talk to his friend, but didn't poor Arnie have it bad enough without even more embarrassment? Let them think that he'd simply picked a fight with Paddy for the heck of it. He knew none of the kids who had witnessed the confrontation would say a word, for fear of incurring Paddy's wrath themselves.

He didn't cry when the school nurse healed his cuts with some kind of potion that stung even more than the wounds did in the first place. He didn't cry when his teacher told him to get his bag and wait for his mother in the Headmistress' office. He came mightily close, but he didn't cry when his mother looked at him with almost the same mixture of disappointment and bewilderment that Miss McDonald had.

No, he didn't cry, not until he was safely tucked away in bed. Because his father had come home that night and hugged him in greeting, obviously not knowing of his behavior that day. Would his Dad still have hugged him like that if he had known? Or would he have looked at him that way too, unknowingly striking another and even bigger blow to his young heart?

Because out of them all, it was his father that he idolized the most. It was his father who was his hero. And Ben cried at the prospect of his hero ever looking at him in that way, simply because he had done the right thing.

*****

It seems we lose the game
Before we even start to play
Who made these rules?
We're so confused
Easily led astray

- Lauryn Hill "Everything is Everything"

A/N: Thanks for the reviews of the last chapter :) I appreciate it very much! Yep, Ben is Harry's son, isn't he? :)

danielerin: Thank you for your review :) Where are we going with all this? We're going to the resolution of Emerson's problems and their effects. I understand your confusion, and I assure you that everything will tie-in together by the end.

And as you'll discover in this chapter, of course Hermione knew something had upset Ben. She's already figured out why he did what he did, even as she doesn't know who he did what he did for. And remember, she's human. She was disappointed that her son got into a fight; no reason for her not to let him know that - even if she didn't have all the facts. She has flaws, alas :) Hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks again!

So, y'all, here's a lighter chapter - complete with our favorite couple and some.. ah.. just read on...


Chapter Twelve - Let Me Count The Ways


Hermione sat down across from Harry and watched him enthusiastically wolf down his food. She knew he was ravenous, having arrived home from Brussels more than an hour after dinner. And then their children hadn't given him a chance to even think about eating. Every single one of them had loudly demanded his attention, although Ben had been noticeably much more subdued than usual and Hermione frowned as she recalled why that was so.

He had given her the same answer every time she'd asked him why he'd done what he had. That he wanted to tell her but he couldn't. That it would embarrass someone, and somehow, she knew that that was more information than he'd given anyone else.

At least she could take comfort in the fact that he hadn't done it out of maliciousness and really, if anybody deserved to be beaten up, it was Paddy McPherson. Not that she would ever voice that opinion to anybody save Harry, of course. But most of the parents knew about Paddy and how mean he was. Why he hadn't yet been expelled was probably only because none of the children he beat up dared to stick to their stories.

Still, she couldn't help but be worried. It was not like Ben to get into fights. She knew that his schoolmates in general seemed to gravitate towards him, not something he asked for or necessarily liked, but that was just the way it was. He was a born leader, just like Harry. He was a good student but Woodlands had rules: if it happened again, they would have no choice but to suspend him. And if after suspension, it happened yet again... it was so unfair. Paddy McPherson should've been expelled ages ago, and yet her son got into trouble once and now had a bigger strike against him than Paddy'd ever had.

Hermione sighed and turned her attention back to her husband, whose cheeks were bulging. "You can slow down, you know. There's plenty more left."

"What's that?" he asked distractedly, before shoving a huge forkful into his mouth.

She laughed. "Nothing."

She gave up trying to have a conversation with him while he was still eating. Besides, she was content to watch him, the way he closed his eyes to savor a mouthful. The way the hair fell across his forehead, obscuring the scar which was either the bane or blessing of his life, depending on how one chose to look at it. His lips that she longed to kiss, his hands that her body ached for him to use on her. Three days he'd been gone, but she'd missed him so much it had felt like an eternity. How was it possible to love someone so much and in so many ways?

Finally, he put down his empty glass and leaned back in his chair with a contented sigh. "Blimey, that was good," he murmured, sending his plate to the kitchen sink with a twitch of his wand. "So what was that you said?"

Hermione hid a smile, suddenly wanting to play. "When?"

"Er, just now," he said, his brow furrowed.

"Oh, I was just saying how I was thinking of getting in touch with Viktor again," she replied airily, getting up to take his glass to the kitchen.

Harry had been in the act of standing too but at her words, he froze. He seemed to be trying not to scowl. "Krum? Why?"

She shrugged. "Just wanted to know how he's doing. I've been feeling up to writing another of those 'novels' to him, as Ron used to call them."

She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he approached her, fighting the smile that was threatening to give her away. Just as she was about to laughingly tell him that she was just joking, he suddenly grabbed her hands and pinned them behind her.

"Were you, now?" he asked and she could hear the friskiness in his voice. "That's all good and well, but how on earth will you manage to write if you're unable to stop laughing?"

And then he was tickling her everywhere and she was laughing so hard, she could barely breathe. Her eyes were watering, her sides were aching and she was sure the kids upstairs were sitting up in their beds, wondering if their mum had gone barmy.

"Harry! Harry- stop-" she gasped, trying to twist away from him. "I was- kidding- Harry!"

Finally, he stopped and held her close, laughing with her. "You're mine. Let Krum find his own bloody woman." His expression slowly turned serious as they gazed at each other. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she whispered, her love for him practically seeping from her every pore as she stared into his eyes.

Harry stroked her cheek gently before he lowered his lips to hers and she met him eagerly. They kissed softly and sweetly at first, before his tongue slipped inside her mouth and with that first taste of him, Hermione's senses reeled. Her hands reached up to tangle in his hair as he pulled her closer, his mouth moving harder on hers, his tongue caressing hers, their breaths mingling. They broke apart, gasping before he was planting little kisses all over her face and she was trying to do the same for him, her hands gripping his shirt.

He kissed her again leisurely and she suddenly wondered why they'd stopped doing this. Sure, they kissed often and with much enjoyment, but it was usually the precursor to greater things. They'd stopped snogging just for the heck of snogging and they needed to start that up again. Beginning now, and the passions swirled through her being as she kissed him back with everything she was.

When breathing became absolutely critical, they broke the kiss and she laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. They held each other for a long moment before he pulled away.

"Oh, before I forget, somebody requested that I be extra nice to you," he said seriously, even as his emerald eyes twinkled.

She cocked her head. "Who?"

"Luke," he replied softly. "Apparently, Mummy was really sad that I was gone and he thinks that Mummy will feel better if I gave her a big hug. Because getting a big hug always makes him feel better."

Feeling tears welling up, she nodded. "I missed you so much. And Luke- I guess he picked up on it and he reminded me that you would be back really soon."

Harry pulled her to him again and held her tight for a long moment, while Hermione took deep breaths and reminded herself to give Luke a big kiss and a favorite biscuit the next day. He really was a wonderful child. Not unlike-

She sighed deeply. "By the way, your son got into a fight at school today."

"Really? Which one?" he asked, sounding as if he already knew the answer.

"Ben."

Just as she'd anticipated, Harry pulled away to look into her eyes. Because that definitely hadn't been the answer he was expecting. Ben did not get into fights - Luke was their occasional squabbler. "You're joking."

"I'm not. And from what I hear, he really kicked some tail too, to put it crudely," she replied, moving to sit down again.

He looked flummoxed for a few seconds before he grinned. "But of course. A son of mine would only come out on top."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's not the point. Why would Ben be getting into a fight in the first place?"

"Didn't he tell you why?" he asked, sitting down across from her.

"He wouldn't tell me and he refused to tell Miss McDonald too. I think he was trying to defend somebody, though, because he kept saying that he couldn't tell me because it would embarrass someone."

Harry stared at her for a full minute. "What a great kid," he said finally, sounding awed.

She nodded. "I know. Going to somebody's defense. But I don't want him to think that this is the only option he has for solving conflicts. He's much too smart for that. And you know Woodlands' rules - if it happens again, he'll be suspended."

Her worry must have shown more strongly than she'd intended because he held out his arms. "Come here."

She went to him and sat on his lap, breathing him in. He smelled so good, like the outdoors, fresh air and green grass, intermingled with that unique scent that was pure Harry.

He rubbed her back slowly. "He's a good kid. He'll be fine. Want me to talk to him?"

She shook her head. "I already did and since I'm sure he did it for a good cause, you know, as opposed to-"

"-being frustrated and taking it out on somebody."

"Yeah. I don't want to ream him out too much. He was very contrite when I spoke to him and besides, it would devastate him to have you be disappointed in him." She turned to look into his eyes. "He worships you, you know?"

He nodded, looking worried. "I know. And that scares me because it'll be quite a long way to crash from when he discovers that I'm not all that great."

"Who's been telling you you're not that great?" she asked sharply, her hackles rising.

"Hmm.. let's see. There's Oliver Wood," he said, with a mock pout. "And some of the players. Then there's those blokes in Brussels. They weren't that impressed with our offer." He batted his eyelashes at her. "They hurt my feelings. You going to take care of them for me?"

Suppressing a giggle, she punched him lightly in the arm as she shifted around on his lap, trying to get comfortable. "Fight your own battles, Potter. You're a big boy."

Harry laughed but it died away as she kept moving around. Finally, he grabbed her hips to still her. "Don't do that," he said in a low voice that raised the hairs on the backs of her arms.

She knew that voice and suddenly her heart was pounding. "Don't do what?" she whispered, deliberately grinding her bum into his lap.

His hands left her hips to wander upwards. He moved them so slowly that by the time they cupped her breasts, Hermione was almost trembling in anticipation. Her nipples sprang to life against his palms and as he gently kneaded the soft masses, she was suddenly, shockingly, ridiculously aroused.

Absence makes the heart - and the body - grow fonder, and whomever had thought that one up certainly wasn't kidding. Because the three days since she'd felt his hands on her body like this, since she'd cried out his name in completion, had done nothing but fuel her hunger for when she could do so again.

Harry's lips brushed against her left earlobe, making her shiver while she continued squirming. But then she froze as a sudden thought occurred to her. "We can't do this here."

"Why not?" He squeezed one nipple, making her gasp.

"What if one of the kids woke up and came downstairs?" she managed, while trying to bite back a moan as her husband alternately squeezed and rolled her taut peaks between his thumbs and forefingers.

He paused and Hermione almost cried with dismay, even though she was the one who'd brought it up. Damn her over-analytical brain!

"You're right," he said, reaching for his wand and pointing it at the ceiling. "Soporiferum. Now where were we?"

She smiled. Let nobody say Harry Potter was a dimwit. The Soporiferum charm would render every living thing upstairs into a state of deepest sleep, wherein a 3W shop could explode right by their ear and they wouldn't so much as flinch. Kind of like a mild (and very much safer) Charms equivalent of the Draught of Living Death.

"You are brilliant," she whispered, twisting around to kiss his neck.

His arms slipped under her shirt. "That's just you rubbing off on me."

Hermione could only close her eyes and moan as he brushed his thumbs lightly across her nipples. She raised her hands so he could pull the top over her head before he quickly divested her of her bra as well. She leaned back against him, moving her rear in circles and figure-eights against his bulge and Harry groaned into her ear.

She turned her head until their lips met in a bruising kiss as the urgency surged between them. His right hand slid up her leg, under her skirt and up the inside of her thigh. Her knickers were already damp and he moved them aside and slid his index and middle fingers into her. She cried out, arching into his hand, her head thrown back against his shoulder.

To her disappointment, his fingers left her but only to slip her knickers down her legs and she eagerly kicked them off to somewhere under the table. He leaned her back against his chest and pulled her legs wide open. She couldn't help the noises she made as his fingers found her again, stroking her, stretching her, plunging into her, lighting her afire with a blinding need.

"I was thinking about this the whole time I was away," he growled as his thumb lightly stroked her clitoris. "Did you know that?"

"No," she gasped. "Oh Harry, oh Harry."

His fingers picked up speed, and she was so wet and he was whispering in her ear comments that had her writhing even more. His lips found her neck, suckling at the spot that drove her wild, while her hips moved desperately against his hand. He hooked one arm under her left leg, holding her open in such a way that that same hand could reach up to caress her left breast. His fingers on her, inside her, his lips on her neck, his words in her ear; it was too much, and she was coming so hard that she nearly blacked out. She screamed his name with abandon while the pleasure lambasted her until she slumped back against his chest, her cries finally dying away, trembling, spent and sated. For now.

He slowly withdrew his fingers from her, making her shudder, and held her close until she caught her breath, whispering now how much he loved her, how much he had been looking forward to this.

"I love you too," she whispered back, once she could speak again. "I love you so much."

He kissed her greedily, his hands in her long hair that had somehow come loose from its ponytail. Her skirt had gotten bunched up around her waist and she wiggled out of it while still sitting on his lap, making Harry groan deeply.

Smiling to herself, she stood up and turned around to face him, delighting in the way his eyes roamed her body. Hermione had given birth to three children and naturally, her body had changed and not all that favorably, in her opinion. Her breasts were fuller now, her hips wider. Thankfully, she'd more or less regained the waistline of her early twenties but she doubted her stomach would ever be completely flat again. That stubborn "pouch" on her lower belly just refused to go away.

But Harry always made her feel so beautiful, so wanted, and just the way he was looking at her now made the ache begin again between her legs.

"We always seem to do this," she sighed in mock exasperation.

"Do what?" he asked breathlessly. His eyes blazed with desire and she knew he was barely restraining himself from bending her over the table and fucking her senseless. Not that that would be a bad thing, but she wanted to tease him a bit first.

"Somehow I always end up naked while you remain fully clothed." She leaned forward to lick the shell of his ear. "I think that is grossly unfair and must be remedied. Don't you agree?"

"Yes," he gasped eagerly, his hands warm on her arse.

She smiled, sucking his earlobe into her mouth, loving the feel of his hands dancing up and down her bare back. She took off his glasses and kissed him lightly all over his face, unbuttoning his shirt as she did. Once his chest had been bared, she eagerly pushed the shirt off, his shapely pectorals jumping under her fingers. Harry suddenly grabbed her face and kissed her, hard, and Hermione felt a thrill race down her spine. She wanted to push him to the edge of his control and she seemed to be succeeding.

Continuing her maddening pace, she kissed down his chest, flicking his tiny nipples with her tongue.

"Hermione," he groaned, his hands wandering through her hair.

Her hands fumbled with his belt and she undid the zipper and pulled his pants down slowly. He kicked them off as she grasped his erection through his boxers and stroked him with the soft fabric. He threw his head back and gripped the edges of the chair so hard his knuckles were white. Wanting him desperately now, to see him, to taste him, she slipped the boxers off him too and he sprang free, proud and straining.

"Oooh," she cooed, dropping to her knees and cupping him with both hands. Harry jerked and she leaned forward and enveloped him in her mouth. He cried out, raising his hips and she swirled her tongue over the head, inhaling his scent, absorbing his taste. She sucked him deeper into her mouth, as far as he could go, and back up again, feeling herself getting even more excited by the sounds he was making.

"Hermione. Please," he begged as her mouth moved faster and she slowed and popped him out.

"Please, what?" she asked coyly, her tongue snaking out to collect the pearl of moisture that he leaked.

His eyes opened, forest green with hunger. "I need to be inside you."

"As you wish," she drawled, standing up and straddling him, her feet braced on the edges of the chair on either side. His breathing was ragged as he positioned her and they both moaned gutturally when she sank down onto him. He filled her so perfectly, so completely. Like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, they had been made to match, there was no doubt about it.

"Oh yes," he hissed as he grasped her hips and began moving her on him in a swift and steady rhythm. Her hands gripped his shoulders for leverage as he began to thrust up into her and Hermione was so turned on, she knew she wouldn't last very long. From the sounds he was making, neither would he.

They were both muttering unintelligibly as the pace sped up. Harry crushed her to him, kissing her possessively, the poor chair getting quite a workout as their passion overtook them. His mouth latched onto first one nipple, then the other and back, as if he couldn't get enough of her.

"Touch yourself," he whispered, his hands holding her waist tightly now and she obeyed without hesitation. At the sight, Harry groaned and began moving even faster, his hips almost a blur and Hermione whimpered as she felt the threshold speeding towards her. His lips found hers again, surprisingly tender in the midst of the frenzied passion and his tongue was still in her mouth when her orgasm burst forth, full and deep, from her very core.

Her eyes fluttered shut but his mouth absorbed her scream of release. Harry yanked his lips away from hers as she felt him stiffen, and he yelled her name with the arrival of his climax, as powerful as her own. Time stopped for an everlasting eon and they were at the mercy of the ecstasy that only those in love can truly know.

They were both covered in sweat, breathless and shaking when they sagged against each other and no more words were spoken until their heart rates had gotten halfway back to normal. Harry slipped out of her, weakly grabbed his wand and muttered a quick cleaning charm before settling her more comfortably on his lap.

"Great Caesar's Ghost," Hermione murmured numbly, her head pillowed against his chest as she listened to the staccato rhythm of his heartbeat.

She felt him nod. "You can say that again."

"Okay. Great Caesar's Ghost."

He chuckled and rubbed her back. Finally, she pulled away to look into his eyes but didn't speak. Instead, they just smiled goofily at each other, reveling in each other's company and the silence of the sleeping house. Not to mention the undeniable thrill in the knowledge that, after all this time, they could still blow each other's mind.

The inevitable lethargy of post-coital bliss was beginning to set in before Harry spoke again. "Let's go to bed."

They got up somewhat wobbly and hunted for their discarded clothing. Hermione had to summon her knickers from under the table and Harry slapped her bare bum when she bent to pick them up.

He removed the Soporiferum charm from the upstairs and as they left the room, she looked back at the chair, sitting so innocently at the table. "The kids would never sit in that chair again if they knew what we just did," she commented to Harry, her eyes laughing.

Harry snorted. "Well, if that's the criteria, I guess they'll just have to move out of this house. Is there anywhere here we haven't done it?"

"In eleven years of marriage? I doubt it," she replied, pushing open the door of their room. "Can you believe it?"

"What?" he asked sluggishly.

"That we've been married for eleven years."

He sat down on their bed and stared at her for a while before answering. "Sometimes I can't. But all it takes is a certain smell, a certain color. A certain word. 'Honestly'. And I remember you. And when I remember you, I remember that I belong to you and that's all that matters."

She had come close to crying quite a few times that day, but only now did her eyes really overflow as she hurried to him and fell into his outstretched arms. Earlier she had wondered silently how it was possible to love someone so much. Could she count the ways? Now she knew that it didn't matter. The 'hows' didn't matter. What mattered was that they just did; they simply did.

And as long as they did, they would get through whatever life or fate or the cosmos or what-have-you decided to throw at them. They would help their daughter through this confusing time of growing up. They would help their son figure out a better way to deal with confrontation. They would do it - together.

Because they were stronger as one than they were as two and as her husband's lips descended on hers once again, Hermione had never ever been more sure of that fact.

And, please, let them never forget it...


******

End Notes:

The latin in this chapter (Soporiferum, which means "deep sleep") is from: http://catholic.archives.nd.edu/cgi-bin/lookdown.pl?deep+sleep

A/N: Many thanks to the reviewers of the last chapter. I appreciate it very much!

Disclaimer: There are references to Star Wars in this chapter and the series is obviously not mine. It belongs to George Lucas (duh!) and any and all characters/dialogue/etc. pertaining to that series are his. Also, the poem "Jabberwocky" is property of Lewis Carroll and its other owners, which isn't me. Thanks.


Chapter Thirteen - A Time to Live


If Hermione ever wanted to highlight the differences between various stages in her life, an excellent means of doing so would be by examining her Hallowe'ens.

As a little girl growing up with two dentist parents, Hallowe'en hadn't really been that big of an occasion for her. Certainly nowhere near the caliber of materialism that the holiday generated in the States. Really, in the Muggle world, the celebration of Hallowe'en was more of an American thing.

Upon entering Hogwarts, and thus the wizarding world, however, Hallowe'en began making huge impacts on her life. Her first Hallowe'en at Hogwarts had been the day she truly became friends with Harry and Ron and she would not be the person she was today were not for the events of that evening. Subsequent Hallowe'ens consisted of Hagrid's gigantic pumpkins, huge feasts in the Great Hall, wizarding crackers and other such amusements, truly some of her fondest Hogwarts memories.

These days, her Hallowe'ens were busy with planning the means for the making of memories for her children and those of her friends. All the mothers typically got together to plan the day's events and this year, the celebration was held at the Burrow. Basically, all the kids from the Back to School bash were present and a jolly time was being had by all.

The chilly weather did absolutely nothing to repress the high spirits of the youngsters. Their mothers just had to make sure that they were all adequately bundled up and Charmed before turning them loose to go nuts in the Burrow's grassy backyard.

Dusk was beginning to fall and Hermione was sitting on the porch with Ginny and Luna, watching the children burn off some of that excess sugar from dinner. The mothers had put together a scrumptious feast, reminiscent of Hogwarts - or so the men said - and everyone had eaten their fill. Especially of the desserts: apple and pumpkin pies, treacle tarts, chocolate éclairs and jam doughnuts; it was a wonder anybody could even move afterwards, much less the running and leaping happening outside.

Ben came zooming up to the porch, sporting a lurid red and gold party hat. "Mum, d'you know that tonight you can see Ve-" he began, but suddenly broke into a string of gibberish punctuated by shouts of "Rumpelstiltskin!", of all things. After a few seconds, he gave up trying to talk and burst out laughing instead; Hermione rolled her eyes.

Fred and George's Rumpelstiltskin Hats were a huge hit with their test subjects. As far as the kids were concerned, it definitely paid to be related to the founders and chief product developers of 3W. They got to sample new products before the general public even knew the items existed. Tonight, it was the Rumpelstiltskin Hats that were the main draw. The seemingly innocuous party hats made you unexpectedly start sprouting nonsense in the middle of perfectly normal speech, as evidenced by Ben's outburst.

The night air was filled with the startled fluttering of live bats and the yells of children, chasing each other around the backyard. There were the occasional booms, wheeeeees and other loud noises from the Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-bangs like the ones Fred and George had let loose on Umbridge in Hermione's fifth year, and the conversation turned to that subject.

"That was definitely one for the record books," Ginny said, chuckling. "For once, I was proud to admit that I was related to those goofballs."

Hermione nodded. "That was exactly what we all needed. That woman needed to learn that she couldn't oppress us like that. What, did she think we would just sit back and take it? Not for long, no."

"Well, at least these are the G-rated versions," Luna murmured, taking a sip of her hot apple cider. "The ones at Hogwarts taught me swearwords I'd never heard before."

The three women laughed companionably, reminiscing on one of the few happy periods of that time. The Second War had begun not too long afterwards and such carefree times were few and far in between after that.

Hermione sobered first as she watched Ben chatting animatedly with his friend, Arnie Shriver. She was incredibly curious about Arnie's family. She knew his mother had entered Hogwarts the year before Umbridge had had that brief, tyrannical reign but somehow, Hermione couldn't remember her. She wasn't in Gryffindor, of that much Hermione was certain. The owl she'd sent asking permission for Arnie to spend Hallowe'en with Ben had come back with approval and profuse thanks, signed by a Margaret Shriver, which told Hermione exactly nothing. 'Shriver' was obviously the woman's married name.

'Maybe I'll invite them over for dinner some time,' she thought to herself. 'Ben does seem really attached to Arnie, for some reason.'

Actually, Hermione was pretty sure she knew what the reason was. She would bet almost anything that Arnie was the one Ben had been trying to protect when he'd gotten into that fight with Paddy McPherson. She was also sure Arnie was where Ben's extra lunch was going, though her son had never said. The obviously hard times that the Shrivers appeared to be going through made Hermione all the more determined to find out more about them.

And she was so proud of Ben! This was exactly something Harry would do, right down to not advertising the good he was doing.

"What's that Luke is carrying?" Ginny asked suddenly, jolting Hermione from her musings.

Hermione searched around for her youngest son and giggled when she found him. "It's a lightsaber."

"A what?"

"A Muggle toy," Hermione explained, her eyes twinkling. "It's like a sword but according to the story is much more powerful than that. It's from this hugely popular film series called Star Wars."

"I think I've heard of it. At first I thought it meant the stars in the sky were at war," Luna said serenely, rubbing her slightly rounded stomach. Luna was almost four months pregnant with her and Ron's third child. "Isn't there a Luke in it?"

Hermione smiled. "Yeah, Luke Skywalker. My father is rabid about the series; he gave Ben and Luke the sabers and has watched it so many times with them that they can probably recite dialogue from it by now. Sometimes he actually tells people that Luke is named for the one in the movies."

Ginny giggled. "Is he?"

"Please!" Hermione laughed, watching her son chase Tristan and Alex with the saber, which was glowing a brighter green as the night got darker. "His name is Lukas, remember? Spelled with a 'k'."

"Oh yeah. Why'd you spell it with a 'k'? Did you ever tell us?" Ginny asked as she swirled her gillywater with a swivel stick.

"It has to do with Malfoy, actually."

The other woman seemed to perk up and Hermione suppressed a smile. Malfoy and Ginny were mad about each other and everything about them just seemed so intense. She knew for a fact that they did some pretty wild things in private, so it really said a lot that Harry and Hermione were actually the ones voted "Randiest Couple". If the title was "Craziest in Bed", Malfoy and Ginny would probably win hands down. Though surely Ron and Luna wouldn't be far behind - what with Luna practically being the living epitome of the word 'crazy'.

"Well, Harry and I both really liked the name 'Lucas'," Hermione explained. "We thought it sounds so strong. Not too adult for a little boy, yet it won't sound childish on a grown man, you know?"

"Yes," Luna replied dreamily. "That's why there's our Alex."

Hermione and Ginny caught each other's eye and looked away quickly to avoid bursting out laughing. Because there was a lot more to Alex's name than first glance provided, and not the way one would expect either.

"So yeah," Hermione continued when she felt she could without going into hysterics. Ginny was making it a bit hard by giggling into her glass. "Anyway, we both thought 'Lucas', with the usual spelling seemed too much like-"

"Lucius," Ginny supplied, the laughter abruptly vanishing from her eyes. Lucius Malfoy had been dead almost twenty years but his dark influence still had faint twinges in the land of the living, particularly in his son. Draco Malfoy had come very far but Hermione knew he still had his demons. He still wrestled with the legacy his father had left him, fighting to be better for his own children. For his wife. For himself.

"Yeah. Only the spelling bothered us - the two names don't really sound that much alike. And we both liked it too much to scratch it off the list. So we decided to change that one letter." She shrugged. "And it works."

'Though now he only gets called 'Lukas' when he's been or was being particularly naughty. Which is every few hours, it seems,' she thought, smiling at her son who was jabbing the sword at a laughing Tristan.

"What's that he's yelling?" Ginny was wondering aloud now. She pulled her wand and muttered a partial Sonorus charm at Luke so that the sound was amplified only to the three of them and Hermione found herself suddenly on the verge of tears.

Because Luke was reciting something that she knew he'd picked up from her father. Just like the yo-yo. Just like the lightsaber.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

(Though Luke said the last line as "The furious Balderdash!")

Ginny looked puzzled. "Is that some kind of poem? Where'd he learn that?"

"It's a poem," Hermione affirmed, wiping her eyes. "He learned it from my Dad. Dad used to recite it to me all the time when I was little too, even after I memorized it myself. Mum would roll her eyes but even I could tell she was trying not to smile. It's really famous in the Muggle world, which is strange, isn't it?"

"I've seen a Jabberwock once," Luna murmured with a slight shiver. "Gave me nightmares for weeks."

How things could change! Hermione knew that once upon a time, she would have been gaping at Luna in bewilderment and disdain over such an utterance. But she was wiser now - knowing that there really were Jabberwocks. Apparently, Lewis Carroll had been a wizard, who cleverly camouflaged real creatures in nonsense poems. Muggles obviously thought he'd invented "Jubjub birds" and "Bandersnatch"es, just as he had "gimber" and "outgrabe". Hermione's father hadn't known whether to be delighted or offended when she'd shown him pictures of those supposedly made-up creatures.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?" Luke yelled, raising the saber while the other kids regarded him with amusement. Tristan was really laughing now.

"Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
Oh fabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
He chortled in his joy."

Ginny laughed and ended the Sonorus charm, leaning back in her chair, just as a drowsy Abigail and Davina climbed hand in hand up the porch and onto their respective mothers' laps.

"I'm very tired now," Davina told her mother sleepily and Hermione smiled and dropped a kiss on the curly, russet head.

The voices and laughter of the men drifted out from inside to intermingle with the sounds of their children and the industrial noise of the Whiz-bangs. Hermione leaned back in her chair too and blew out a deep breath of the chilly air as Hallowe'en entered its last stages.

They would need to go inside soon; the day was almost done. But it had been filled with family, friends, food and frolicking. It had been filled with laughter, and some good memories had surely been made.

Oh fabjous day, indeed.


*****

"So this tip came in about suspicious activity in this house up in Bethnal Green," Draco Malfoy was drawling, his glass of Firewhiskey listing dangerously in his hand. "Any idiot could tell you this wasn't anything serious but you know how it is these days." He shook his head and took a big gulp.

The men were sitting around the Burrow's ramshackle living room, nursing various alcoholic drinks, shooting the breeze and discussing things that the women would likely be rolling their eyes about if they had been present. Harry could hear the shouts of the children wafting in from outside, as well as the chinkle of dishes being washed in the kitchen by Mrs. Weasley, Angelina and Nina. "Helped" by Meghan and Nicole, of course - who were never far from their mothers. Seven years old, inseparable, born twelve hours apart and no, they weren't twins, though they were referred to as that sometimes. Meghan, the eldest, was the daughter of Fred and Angelina, while Nicole was George and Nina's.

Under the pretense of needing a glass of water to go along with his Firewhiskey, Harry had gone into the kitchen to see if his wife was in there too, but she wasn't. He'd glimpsed her through the windows, though, chattering merrily with Ginny and Luna, and after feasting his eyes on her for a few seconds, he'd been chased out of the kitchen by the little Weasley girls to the amusement of their elders.

"Ah, an uneasy peace. The calm before the storm," Fred Weasley was declaring sarcastically. "Seriously, the Powers That Be are being ridiculously paranoid these days. They can't seem to accept the fact that there actually are no big evil plans underway for the wizarding world."

"We don't know that, do we?" Harry said from his perch near the fireplace. "Frankly, I like the fact that they're still on their toes. This is definitely better than the heads-up-their-arses attitude of my fifth year at Hogwarts. Nobody wanted to believe that Voldemort was back."

There were a few sharp intakes of breath and Harry made an exasperated sound. "Aren't you lot over that by now? The bastard has been dead some twenty-odd years!"

"You've got to understand, Harry, superstition never quite goes away," Bill Weasley said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Well, it should," Harry replied somewhat irritably. To be honest, he hated the fact that some people still allowed themselves to be held under Voldemort's power, even this many years after his demise. It made Harry uneasy, as if he hadn't actually vanquished that evil scum once and for all. Like he was merely pretending and would one day wake up to a horrible reality.

"Anyway," Malfoy said loudly, turning the conversation back to the original topic. "I swear, Shacklebolt has it in for me; he's always giving me useless assignments. He sent me and Haskings over to check it out, right? Bloody house looked like it hadn't been inhabited in more than a decade, much less had had people coming and going at all hours like the report said. The place was dusty like you wouldn't believe and littered with dead puffskeins the size of my dick."

Harry snickered. "Very tiny puffskeins, then."

"Fuck off, Potter," Malfoy drawled as the other men roared with laughter. "I have assets you can only dream about."

"Ooh, kinky!" George exclaimed with a grin. "You want Harry to dream about your assets, Malfoy? Tsk, tsk." His grin morphed into an evil look. "That would be cheating on our beloved Ginny. I do believe we promised to beat the ever-loving- what was it, Fred?"

"Shit," Fred supplied with an identically evil look. "We promised to beat the ever-loving shit out of him if he ever hurt our sister. Think this warrants a beating, dear brothers?"

Ron grinned. "Nah. He wouldn't dare. Ginny has him thoroughly whipped all by herself."

The other men chuckled while Malfoy scowled at Ron. "You're one to talk. Didn't your woman get you to name your son Trafalgar?"

Ron went crimson as even Harry burst out laughing. Poor Ron would surely never live that one down. Harry remembered how shell-shocked Ron had been when Joey was born, even though he'd had nine months to get used to the idea. Luna had gotten pregnant on their wedding night and maybe the suddenness of it, no real 'newlywed couple' time, was what had caused Ron to go catatonic like that.

Whatever the reason, Ron had emerged from his "Ohmigod - I'm a dad!" coma to discover that he'd somehow agreed to name his newborn son Trafalgar Joseph Weasley.

"I mean, I knew she wanted that name," Ron had moaned to Harry later on that momentous night. "But I thought we agreed not to use that one! How'd she get me to sign the parchment finalizing that name for the poor kid?"

Harry had assured him that women could get men to do anything they wanted, especially after going through something as arduous as labor. They had absolutely no qualms about playing the guilt card - they had, after all, been the ones to push the equivalent of a pumpkin through their privates, as Hermione had once eloquently put it, while the men stood around feeling and being useless. And it was all the man's fault too, of course.

Thankfully, since his middle name was 'Joseph', Harry's godson was called Joey and thus managed to escape too much teasing. But surely that luck would eventually run out when his peers discovered his real moniker. And Harry knew from experience that kids could be incredibly cruel.

Now, even as adults, the twins never wasted an opportunity to take the mickey out of their younger brother. "Luckily, for poor Trafalgar anyway," Fred was saying, his eyes watering with mirth, "his little brother also got afflicted by the 'Dumb and Whipped Daddy Syndrome'."

George laughed. "It actually started pretty normal - 'Alex'. But then Luna said the last part. The kid's name is Alexalorden Weasley!"

The majority of the men howled with laughter, Malfoy slapping his leg. "And there you kept saying it was just a one-time thing. It was just the shock of being a first time Daddy!"

"Well, to his credit, he recovered quicker the second time," Harry said, taking off his glasses to wipe his eyes so that he missed the "Et tu, Brute?" glare Ron sent him. "Except he was still a bit too late and his son had officially been christened Alexalorden Ronald Weasley. Trust Luna to come up with something like that."

"Well, I happen to think it's very creative," came a voice from the kitchen doorway and they all turned to see Molly Weasley frowning out at them while she wiped her hands in her apron. "I also like the name for the little girl you and Luna are expecting. 'Esperanzita', isn't it?"

If she'd thought that would help matters, she was mistaken. The twins and Malfoy went into near-hysterics, and Ron turned such a searing red that Harry thought they could've doused the cheerfully blazing fire in the fireplace and the comfortable temperature in the room wouldn't have dropped a single degree.

"It's Esperanza, Mum, not Esperanzita. And for your information, gits, I've gotten Luna to agree to use that as the baby's middle name. Her first name will be 'April'. A perfectly nice, normal name."

Malfoy calmed down enough to smirk over at Ron. "Yeah, but only if you manage to keep your wits about you this time around. We'll remember you in prayer."

"Oh sod off, Ferret," Ron shot back wearily, but Harry could see he was fighting a smile.

"Fred, George, your wives need some help in here!" Molly called as she turned to go back into the kitchen and it was almost comical how quickly the twins leapt up and hurried away.

Harry grinned at Ron, knowing that his best friend was thinking the same thing. For all the ribbing that they gave each other, they knew they were all whipped. And loving it tremendously.

The door to the backyard opened, letting in a chill wind, and Harry turned. He smiled when he saw the unruly ebony head of his eldest son coming in backwards, red lightsaber flashing as he "dueled" with his little brother.

'Ah, Star Wars,' Harry thought, watching his boys. He'd heard a bit about it as a child, as it was surprisingly a series that his tight-arsed Uncle Vernon actually enjoyed. It wasn't until David Granger, though, that Harry'd had a chance to really discover what all the fuss was about and it seemed his boys liked the series almost as much as their grandfather did.

"You have learned much, young one," Ben said in as deep a voice as he could manage, jumping to parry Luke's thrust of the green saber.

Luke's green eyes were laughing. "You'll find I'm full of surprises!"

"Your destiny lies with me, Skywalker. Obi-wan knew this to be true."

"No!"

Harry couldn't help but feel a surge of pride at their reflexes. Ben and Luke met each other's every twist and lunge. Everyone had paused in their conversations to watch the mock battle, which was ended when Ben made a spectacular swipe and Luke's saber clattered to the floor.

Ben advanced on his little brother, his red saber gleaming. "There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power."

Luke clutched his hand and fought to appear outraged, though Harry could see he was trying not to laugh, his cheeks rosy from innocence and the cold night air that he'd just left. "I will never join you!"

"Obi-wan never told you what happened to your father," Ben murmured deeply, throwing out his chest.

Harry caught Hermione's eye and his wife grinned at him, nodding her head in the direction of their sons. He nodded and turned to watch the boys again.

"He told me enough!" Luke was exclaiming. "He told me you killed him."

Ben's eyes widened with mirth and for a second, Harry thought the gig was up. But then his son recovered. "No. I am your father."

That was it and they both burst out laughing, to the applause of the other occupants of the Burrow.

"May the Force be with you!" cried Luke, raising his saber aloft.

Ben chuckled and walked over to flop down on the chair beside his father. Harry reached out to ruffle the messy head, smiling at his son.

"Had a good Hallowe'en?"

Ben nodded, his hazel eyes alive behind his glasses. "Yeah. It's been great."

"You and Luke seem to be pretty nifty with those swords," Harry commented and watched his son blush at the praise even as he shrugged. Ben was just so much like Hermione. "Even saying the lines and everything."

"It's nothing. These are really light, anyway."

"Ah, light or not, those were some wicked moves. Where'd you pick them up?"

"From their father, didn't they?" said Angelina, coming into the room, the "twins" tagging along behind her. "Weren't you unbelievable with Godric Gryffindor's sword when you were like only twelve?" She turned to address the kids that Hermione, Ginny and Luna were herding inside. "Are you guys all here?"

"Yeah," Hermione said, carrying Davina, who was fast asleep. She caught Harry's eye again and smiled at him and he, as usual, had the sudden desperate urge to snog her senseless.

'Later,' he told himself and settled for sending her a wink and a smile.

"Sit down, you lot!" Angelina said loudly. "Hot chocolate coming out in a minute." Her voice softened as she smiled down at her daughter and niece. "Thanks for the help, girls. You can sit now too."

The kids cheered and began dropping all over the place, giggling and chattering. It seemed so strange to Harry that the Burrow always was capable of holding whatever number of people that happened to get crammed inside. Of course by now it shouldn't surprise him anymore; the very stones of the place seemed to hum with magic.

When Fred and George's 3W had began really taking off, the twins had offered to buy their parents a new dwelling. But Arthur and Molly had politely declined. They didn't want to leave the Burrow, ever. It had been their home for too long and they were loath to abandon it now.

They did allow the twins to pay for numerous renovations, however. So while the Burrow wouldn't win any architectural awards any time soon, a few of its rough edges had been smoothed. For one, the kitchen was now a thing of envy among all Molly's friends and only Ballynore had one that could really compete. Which suited Mrs. Weasley perfectly; there were always hungry mouths to feed, especially with more than a dozen grandchildren, biological or otherwise.

"Tell us about the sword, Dad," Ben was saying, the hero worship gleaming clearly in his eyes.

"Haven't you already heard that one?" Harry asked, not really wanting to repeat that story yet again. The kids always regarded him with stars in their eyes after hearing about his Hogwarts adventures and frankly, that made him slightly uncomfortable. It make him feel like a phony. Hermione had kissed him and told him to stop being silly when he'd told her that but he couldn't help it.

"Yeah, but Arnie hasn't," Ben said, pointing at his blue-eyed friend, who blushed. "Besides, it's a good one and you can never get tired of good stories."

"Yeah," piped up Fred and Angelina's nine-year-old, Matthew. "Like the one about Uncle Draco being turned into a ferret and-"

"Potter, just tell the bleedin' story already," Malfoy interrupted loudly, his cheeks slightly pink and Ron guffawed happily.

Grinning to himself, Harry settled Luke on his lap and told them a kid-friendly version of the story of the Chamber of Secrets and Fawkes and the basilisk. And of course, the sword. The kids hung onto his every word, their mugs forgotten in their small hands and when he finished, they erupted into excited chatter, as usual. Really, one would think it was their first time hearing that story, as well as the one about the Hallowe'en troll and the big, black dog that was Sirius Black.

Harry couldn't suppress the feeling of sadness that washed over him as he thought about Sirius; it was times like these that he wished with a vengeance that his godfather was here. What a kick he would get out of Ben, Luke and Davina! Not to mention Emerson - Harry just knew his daughter and Sirius would have gotten along famously. They both had that aliveness that some people seemed to be blessed (or was it cursed?) with.

He hoped Emerson was enjoying her Hallowe'en at Hogwarts. Those were some of the best events of his life so although he and Hermione had debated Em's coming home for the weekend, they'd changed their minds. Let her make some wonderful Hogwarts Hallowe'en memories, just like they had.

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?" he said, looking down into Luke's upturned face.

The green eyes were impish. "What is the difference between a running man and a running dog?"

Harry smiled - riddle time. "Ah. Let's see... the dog has four legs?"

Luke laughed. "Nooo!"

"The man runs faster?" supplied Mr. Weasley, his eyes twinkling for more than one reason as he looked up from examining Ben's lightsaber.

"Nope!"

Harry gave a big sigh. "We give up, Budget. What's the difference between a running man and a running dog?"

"The man wears trousers and the dog pants!" cried Luke triumphantly and Harry squeezed his son while everybody chuckled.

"I know one," said Bill and Fleur's ten-year-old, Amélie. She was the startling physical clone of her mother, with the exception that she had a long, straight sheet of vivid Weasley hair. "What did the fly say when he fell into melted butter?"

"Oh no, I'm dead!" shouted Matthew, making the other little boys - and a few of the big ones - crack up.

Amélie scowled. "No, you dolt! It said, 'Now I'm a butterfly!'"

"Merlin," Matthew whined, rolling his eyes at his cousin. "What a stupid, girly answer!"

Amélie's blue eyes widened and it was clear to everyone that one of the infamous Weasley rages was about to explode from within her. George's wife, Nina, moved quickly to head it off.

"What's yellow, smooth and dangerous?"

And in the clamor that was the kids loudly trying to guess the answer, Amélie seemed to change her mind about being mad and by the time her aunt declared, "Shark-infested custard!", she was laughing right along with Matthew.

'Yep, that's the trick. Nifty diversionary tactics. Too bad it loses its effectiveness the older we get,' Harry thought to himself as he tried and failed to stop ogling Hermione. She was sitting on the other side of the crowded room, laughing with Ginny and Luna and bloody hell, he wanted to kiss her so badly!

"Dad, listen to this one," Ben said loudly. "Tell him, Arnie."

And with that, Harry discovered that there were, in fact, effective distractions from wife-ogling. His children were his world and as he laughed along with everybody else about Arnie's riddle (What did the carpet say to the floor? Don't move - I've got you covered!) he realized that the old saying was true: there was a time for everything.

There would be a time to bid the Burrow and its wonderful, warm inhabitants goodbye and head for his own home, effectively escaping Mr. Weasley and all his enthusiastic Star Wars-related questions.

There would be a time to tuck in his two youngest children, as well as little Arnie Shriver. To chuckle at the way Budget's thumb automatically found its way to his mouth; at the way Davina slept as if kneeling in Muslim prayer.

There would be a time to sit with Ben and watch him fight to stay awake past his bedtime, just so he could have his Dad all to himself. There would be a time to kiss the small forehead that was exactly like his own - with the merciful exception that it was unmarked by any scar, lightning bolt-shaped or otherwise - and feel his heart swell at the sleepily mumbled words of his son, "I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too. And I'm so proud of you." Words he could not recall ever hearing before his eleventh birthday.

There would be a time to smile at fond thoughts of his daughter away at Hogwarts and to hope that her sleep was deep and peaceful this night. And only six more weeks till Christmas and she would be home! Hopefully in a better temperament than her last visit had found her in...

There would be a time tonight to kiss Hermione, to make love to her. To tell her how much he adored her and hear those sentiments breathlessly expressed back to him.

And when, sated and exhausted, their eyes closed at last, there would be a time to sleep, perchance to dream of many more times like those.

Time to laugh, time to love. Time to live.

Disclaimer: "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret" is a book by Judy Blume and belongs to her and whomever else. It ain't mine.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I was a bit surprised by the response to it... funnily enough, I considered that chapter to be one of my so-so ones, but y'all liked it so that's all that matters, eh? :)

glitterfairyxoxo - Hallowe'en is spelled that way in my story cause that's what my beta recommended and I liked it :)

shawnpickett - I promise you'll find out what the deal is with Arnie's family. Keyword there is "family", because it's not actually Arnie himself (or Will) who is integral.

danielerin - No promises on being gentle, though I'll try not to be too brutal? Arnie's family will play a role in the resolution of the plot, so your curiosity will be satisfied by the end :)

RickyElRey - You got your Em in this chapter! :)

romulus lupin - That was one of the most poignant reviews I've ever received! Thank you so much. And you hit the nail on the head, in regards to "the wonderful and engaging scenes of her family are, I fear, going to be the contrasting colors against which the darkness surrounding Em will play against." You said it, and beautifully too.

Thanks y'all for reviewing. I appreciate it very much!

Many thanks, as always, to the awesome Lissanne for the beta!



Chapter Fourteen - Mountain High, Valley Low


Emerson sat on the cold stone floor of the Astronomy Tower, leaning her throbbing head against the windowsill. The waters of the lake, far below, glittered in the weak winter sun and she thought she saw something cause a ripple over on the left bank. Probably the Giant Squid.

It was the first week of November and the weather was beginning to turn. Actually, it had begun turning just before Hallowe'en, when they would frequently wake up to find the whole school and grounds covered in frost like an enormous iced gingerbread village.

Hallowe'en had been all right; nothing really special or anything. It definitely sounded like her brothers and sister had had a better one than she had, and she didn't know whether to be relieved or envious. These days, it was almost as if she was losing track of who she herself was. Most days she couldn't tell if she was coming or going and was that up or down? She found herself snapping at people and red-facedly apologizing later, not unlike what had happened with her father on Mum's birthday weekend. She had wanted to tell him so badly but something had held her back and she'd been both relieved and disappointed that he hadn't forced her to confess what was bothering her.

She had been expecting her parents to badger her about her decision, like almost everyone at school had, but when they didn't, she'd somehow not been surprised.

'They think too highly of me,' she thought. 'It would never occur to them what I'm going through or what I've done.'

Em sighed and closed her eyes. One thing they didn't know was that she'd begun skipping classes, neglecting homework. Right now, she was supposed to be in History of Magic. She'd told Lyna that she would meet her there but halfway to the classroom had suddenly realized that there was no way she could bear to sit through another droning hour about centuries-old goblin rebellions.

In fact, there was no way she could stand to be around people, period.

Lyna was the exception, of course, but she didn't want her friend to get into trouble if they were to be caught outside of class during lessons. Emerson found that she didn't care if she got into trouble, but it wouldn't be fair to bring Lyna down too. Her friend deserved better than that. Her friend who now kept throwing her concerned glances, who Em knew fervently wished she would listen and tell someone about the letters.

In fact, Lyna had twice attempted to approach a teacher, and had gone so far as to start a letter to Em's parents. Only Emerson's hysterical tears and frantic pleading had made her friend back off, but she didn't know how much longer Lyna would keep quiet.

Em was alternately blindingly furious at and overcome with gratitude for her friend but, obviously, Carolyna didn't understand, not really. Among other things, it wasn't her brothers and sister hanging in the balance, depending on her keeping quiet.

Knowing that when she next saw her friend she would doubtless receive a scolding about missing the lesson, Emerson sighed again. Her eyes were drawn to the waving banners surrounding the Quidditch pitch, and with them came the reminder of why this day sucked so much more than most days now usually did.

It was the day before the first Quidditch match of the term - Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw - and Em was miserable. She'd been looking forward to it so much! Her whole life, really, ever since her Dad and Uncle Ron had told her about playing Quidditch for Gryffindor, with Mum rolling her eyes in the background.

And her dream had been hatched. She would be a Chaser for Gryffindor as soon as she could try out, which meant second year. Which was this year. She was a good flyer, even Uncle Draco admitted that; getting on the team was almost a given.

Until-

She wiped the tears from her cheeks, feeling the horror welling up inside her again. As much as it hurt, she deserved this. She had no right to want to be a Chaser when it was because of her that another person, and an excellent Chaser too at that, had lost her life. She knew she deserved this but oh, the disappointment was so bitter she could almost taste it on the back of her tongue.

Em shifted on the cold floor, biting her bottom lip hard to keep from sobbing. She took a deep breath and started to sniffle but froze as she heard someone walking past. She held her breath, praying that whomever it was would just keep going but, as usual these days, her prayers were ignored. The footsteps paused and came back towards her and Emerson hastily wiped her eyes and nose. If she was going to be in trouble, the least she could do was face it with dignity.

The door creaked open but she didn't move, sitting tensely, the Quidditch banners fluttering mockingly in her field of vision.

"Hey, what're you doing out of class?" a male voice asked sharply.

She recognized the voice and turned around. "Hi, Etienne."

The Head Boy looked surprised. "Emerson? Why aren't you in class?"

Em shrugged shamefacedly. "Didn't feel like going. You gonna report me?"

She saw a flash of mirth in his intense blue eyes and was awed again by how gorgeous he was. But she was so miserable that she couldn't even muster up her customary blush.

"Not this time. But don't let it happen again or I'll have to come down harshly. And I expect you to be in your next class, understand?" Etienne was saying.

She nodded. "I am much obliged to you."

He grinned but it faded when she didn't smile back. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine!" she replied with false brightness. "Absolutely fabulous."

He frowned, obviously seeing through her and Em turned away, suddenly wanting to cry again. Wonderful. Now even my crush knows I'm in some sort of excrement.

She could feel him staring at her back for a second before he spoke. "I have to go but remember what I said. And Emerson?" She rapidly blinked back her tears and looked up. His eyes were earnest. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

She managed a weak but genuine smile, even as she knew she could never talk to him, not about this. "Thanks, Etienne."

He nodded once, closed the door and she listened to his footsteps fade away. Em took a deep, shuddering breath and laid her head back against the windowsill. Not wanting to think anymore, she let herself be quickly hypnotized by the sunlight dancing across the surface of the lake and only got up when the bell, signaling the end of that period, finally rang.


*******

Gryffindor won the match and the celebrations lasted late into the night so that the next day, Sunday, most of them were drowsy and slow. Emerson was in a bad mood because not only had she gotten a letter that day, but Brandon Wood, being the exception to the "drowsy and slow" rule, kept harassing her in his jubilation about his successful Keeping.

"I mean, with reflexes like these, you would never fall, Em. I'd catch you every time," he said grinning, as he walked alongside the two girls who were returning to Gryffindor Tower to work on a Transfiguration assignment. Marissa Weasley had also walked with them a short way, which had seemed to cause Brandon to really turn on the charm. Or what he considered to be charm, anyway.

Emerson rolled her eyes. "That's what you wish, Brandon."

"What! Don't tell me you don't wish for that too!" he exclaimed, pretending to be offended and Lyna giggled.

Em glared at her. "Take his side, why don't you?"

"Come on, admit it! He's funny," Lyna said with a laugh and Emerson huffed and marched away down the corridor, leaving her friend and Brandon grinning after her.

Yes, he was funny, but right now she didn't want to be smiling, laughing or anything resembling those things. She was too miserable for that and she wanted to remain miserable. Didn't she deserve to be miserable?

"Congratulations, Smiley. Your efforts to fuck with my life are succeeding," she muttered crossly, starting down the hallway to Gryffindor Tower.

"Hey, Emerson!" came a shout from behind her and she turned to see Will Shriver jogging towards her, with two other first years in tow. Somehow the sight made her unable to resist cracking a wan smile. From being alone and near tears in the Hogwarts Express corridor, Will had inevitably made friends in his year but he hadn't forgotten the first two people to befriend him.

"Hey, Will," she said when they reached her. "What's up?"

He shrugged, grinning. "Nothing much. Mitch, Zach and I were just talking about yesterday's game. Was it bloody awesome or what?"

She smiled at his enthusiasm; it reminded her of Ben. "It was that. Your first match ever, wasn't it?"

Will nodded, his blue eyes alight. "I wish my little brothers could've seen that! Mum said they might've tried to come down but the twins were sick again. As usual."

"Sounds like they're always sick. How old are they?" Em asked, frowning.

Will's brow furrowed as he pondered the question. "They'll be two in January."

Em nodded and turned to the other boys, who were silently taking in the conversation. "How about you, Mitch? Zach? Was it your first Quidditch match too?"

The younger boys went crimson and although they mouthed, no words came out. Em glanced quizzically at Will, who was looking delighted. "They fancy you," he said in a loud whisper and the other two boys went even redder.

"Oh," Em blurted, completely nonplussed. What on earth was there to fancy about her? Sure there was Brandon, but he just acted like that to annoy her. He didn't really fancy her. She smiled sympathetically at the two first years, as if they had just been terribly hoodwinked about something. "Trust me, there's absolutely no reason to fancy me."

"Right," the one named Zach muttered dubiously, his brown eyes wide.

Emerson exchanged an amused look with Will just as Carolyna came running up, brown hair swinging about her shoulders. Not wanting her friend to know about the first years' behavior towards her, Em quickly hooked elbows with Lyna and led her away. "See you around, fellas!"

She couldn't help feeling a little better. How could she, even if those poor little boys were clearly misguided? A slight smile tugged at her lips but the fledging upturn of her mouth collapsed when she and Lyna entered Gryffindor Tower to see Jerrianne and the Fakers huddled together, deep in conversation. Or rather, Jerrianne was jabbering away while Janie and Maria hung onto her every word as if they would be quizzed about them later. Which Em wouldn't be at all surprised if they were. Jerrianne honestly was that arrogant.

Janie glanced around and her light blue eyes narrowed when she saw Em and Lyna. "Oh," she said, the single word coated with so much disdain that Em almost expected to see some splattering onto the floor.

The other two girls looked up and Jerrianne stopped talking abruptly. She gave Em and Lyna a haughty once-over and stood up. "Come on. Let's finish this upstairs."

Janie and Maria jumped up too and the three of them pranced across the room towards Em and Lyna, whom they would have to pass to get upstairs.

Emerson scowled. "Thank God for small mercies, eh?" she said loudly as they approached. "Cause now we won't have to listen to your drivel." She held and returned the glares that the three girls gave her, her eyes following them all the way up the stairs.

Once they had disappeared, Em walked over to a chair and flopped down, her bad mood returning full force.

Lyna sat down across from her and curled her legs under her. "What do you think they talk about, anyway?"

"Who cares?" Em said irritably, glaring at the stairs to the dorms. "Maybe they sit around going, 'We must, we must, we must increase our bust!' like the girls in Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret."

Lyna burst out laughing so hard that she drooled, which made Em crack up in spite of herself. She did love making her friend laugh and she leaned back in her chair, grinning as she listened to Carolyna's sounds of merriment.

"That was a good book," Lyna said after awhile, wiping her eyes . "Do you think that'd work, though?"

It was Em's turn to laugh but then it died when she glanced at her friend. "What? You're serious?"

"I guess."

"Come on! That's just fiction, you know that. And not only that, but it's Muggle fiction."

Lyna frowned. "I don't know. I mean, when Annamaria was our age, she was already on her second bra size."

Em shrugged. "So? Everybody grows at different rates. Heck, at least you have stuff enough to justify a bra in the first place. My chest is even flatter than yours." She paused and looked over at Lyna with a smirk. "If that's at all possible."

"Hey!" Lyna said loudly, grabbing a cushion and whomping Em with it.

Em grabbed another cushion and the fight was on, while the other people in the room smiled over at them. They were both laughing too much to keep it up for long, though, and Em sighed and collapsed back in her chair.

"I'm really glad we're friends, Em," Lyna said softly, grinning over at her.

Em smiled back. "Pukka gen," she replied, using that old RAF term that she'd picked up from Grandpa Granger, making Lyna giggle again. "Me too, luv."

And as they gathered their Transfiguration books and parchments around them to tackle the assignment, Emerson couldn't help thinking that maybe her life wasn't as fucked up as she'd previously thought.

At any rate, not yet.


*******

She was in the London area now, at her ultra-posh flat in Notting Hill. Her asshole boss had just passed out on her pull-out couch after the dinner party she'd "graciously" thrown for him and a few clients. He'd told the departing guests that he was staying to help clean up but she had seen that certain gleam in his eye and knew that cleaning up was the last thing on his mind.

Not that he would ever deign to do something as ordinary as "cleaning up" in the first place.

But she'd found herself not in the mood for any such activity so she'd sneakily put some Sleeping Draught in his red wine - the fact that he'd brought a bottle of that stuff into her house after she specifically told him that she didn't touch red wine was another strike against him.

And anyway, she had work to do.

A friend of a friend of a friend who worked at Hogwarts had inadvertently passed on an interesting piece of information about Emerson Potter. Apparently, Emerson was rarely away from the company of a girl named Carolyna Lupin. In fact, Cristella vaguely recalled meeting the Lupin girl in Dallas, but she'd been too shaken by the presence of Emerson to really register her. From what her friend told her, the two girls had been best friends since they were five years old or thereabouts.

"Déjà vu or what?" she wondered aloud to her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "This is Julia and Merry all over again, bosom buddies since the age of six."

Splitting up those two girls had been, without a doubt, one of the sweetest rewards of her secret war against Julia Thomas. Could she do it again with Julia's reincarnation? Probably. This pair of girls was even younger than Julia and Merry had been during their falling out. It shouldn't be that hard.

The problem was that she didn't have access to these two in the way she had had with the first pair. It was purely by chance that the Transfiguration Professor had been fondly discussing her students to a friend. That friend had then innocently brought it up to her friend and the information had come out when Cristella had skillfully brought the conversation around to the discussion of Harry Potter and his family.

Her friend disliked Potter and his wife tremendously. Apparently, they'd all been at school together, though in different houses and no love and been lost between them. Her friend never ran out of nasty things to say about the Potters, but Cristella honestly could care less about that. She was interested in Emerson.

She probably wouldn't be able to touch Carolyna, from any angle, though she'd recently learned that the girl's father was a werewolf. But if she could get Emerson to start changing her mind about the friendship...

Julia had been devastated to the point of almost requiring hospitalization over her falling out with Merry Reynolds. As far as she was concerned, Emerson was Julia all over again, so why would the reaction be any different over a splitting from this Carolyna Lupin?

Hmm.. something new to undertake. Something else to tackle. If it would hasten the demise of this thorn in her flesh, who was she to ignore what fate had generously offered her: an additional tactic?

She would put it to use. As soon as possible.

Disclaimer: The Velveteen Rabbit is by Margery Williams and is property of her and its other owners, if there are any. Not mine. Tom and Pippo: Pippo Gets Lost is property of Helen Oxenbury and whomever else owns it. Once again, not mine.

A/N: Muchas gracias to my reviewers of the last chapter! I know that it seems to be high time that an adult were involved on Em's behalf, but remember this is the daughter of the kid who would rather suffer Umbridge's diabolical detentions in secrecy than "give her the victory" of making him tell someone. And Em does have an added incentive to keep quiet: Smiley has her convinced that the safety and well-being of her siblings rests on her keeping her mouth shut. So bear that in mind. But it's coming, I promise. She will not carry the burden alone forever. So here's another chapter.

Many, many thanks to Liss for the beta! You rock, girl!

Dedication: This chapter is for DragoonKain3 who, way back in Chapter three, requested that I write the scene where Em discovers something about her biological relation to Hermione. At the time, I hadn't even thought about writing such a scene. Hope you like and that it lives up to your expectation. If you see this, I'd love to hear what you think.


Chapter Fifteen - All I Have to Dream Of


"Are you sure that's what the letter said?" Hermione Potter asked her husband with a frown, watching through the kitchen window as the snow wafted down outside. It was early afternoon in early December and Harry had just come home with disturbing news.

She heard him sit on a chair in the breakfast nook and turned to look at him. He had taken his glasses off and was rubbing his eyes. "I'm sure, Hermione. She doesn't want to come home for Christmas."

He sounded more hurt than anything else, as if their daughter's letter, asking for permission to remain at Hogwarts over the holidays, had been a personal insult to him. Hermione knew how much Harry treasured his family, especially with how he had grown up. He was a wonderful father, always showering his children with affection and praise, yet providing firm and loving discipline when needed. Their home was full of love and warmth, which was no wonder their kids always had friends over. Everybody just felt so comfortable at Ballynore.

And yet, Emerson didn't want to come home. Why? If there was something spectacular happening at Hogwarts this year, for instance a Yule Ball or something, Hermione could understand Em's wanting to stay there. But there wasn't anything special planned. In fact, very few children would be remaining. It wasn't as if Carolyna would be staying either, so why would Emerson want to be there without her family and friends?

The last time Em had been home, she'd had that uncharacteristic outburst and had become increasingly moody and secretive. Classic signs of adolescence, but to the point of not wanting to celebrate the most traditional of holidays with her family?

'Well, be honest,' Hermione thought to herself. 'At some point, every child goes through a period where they're embarrassed by their parents. Even if those parents are Harry Potter and Hermione Granger Potter.'

She walked over and sat down across from him, reaching for his hand. "The answer to her request is no, of course, right?"

"Of course," he said, looking up and his green eyes were bewildered. "She has to come home for Christmas, Hermione. Can you imagine Ballynore without Em at Christmas? It's unthinkable." He squeezed and dropped her hand, stood up and began fishing for his car keys. "But I'm going to go get the boys. Anything you'd like me to pick up on the way home?"

"I want to go with you, Daddy," a little voice piped up before Hermione could answer and both of them turned to smile over at little Davina, who had practically gotten a facial with her applesauce.

Harry chuckled. "Are you done eating?"

"Uh-uh," Vina replied, nodding her applesauce-smeared russet head. "See? It's all gone."

"Yep, I can see that it's all gone over your face and your chair," he replied, sounding amused as he cleaned her up with a wave of his wand and set her on the floor. "Go get your shoes, then."

Vina ran off to hunt for her shoes and Hermione smiled up at Harry, who held out his arms to her. She stood up and went to him and he pulled her close, holding her tight.

"I love you, Hermione."

She kissed him softly. "I love you too. So much. It will be all right. We'll figure this out."

He nodded, dipped his head and kissed her back, gently at first and then harder and Hermione sighed softly and pressed herself closer to him, wishing they would never stop because this was exquisite-

"I'm ready to go so you can stop kissing now!"

They broke apart, laughing, at the words of their two-year-old daughter. Harry let go of Hermione and stepped back. He turned to salute the little girl who was gazing up at them with impatience shining in her hazel eyes and her shoes on the wrong feet. "Yes, ma'am."

He stooped to rearrange her shoes and then picked her up, still chuckling. "Bye, Mummy!" Davina said, blowing a kiss.

"Bye, sweetie. Love you," she replied, blowing a kiss back.

Harry grinned over at her. "Bossy," he mouthed before continuing aloud. "Like mother, like daughter, eh?"

"Oh, shoo!" Hermione laughed. She listened to the front door close and sat down again, still smiling. Davina was a lot like her, in looks, mannerisms and temperament, and she adored her little girl beyond belief.

Just as she adored her other daughter, the child of her heart, the catalyst for her and Harry's finally confessing their love for each other and embarking on this wonderful journey. If it wasn't for Emerson, would there even be a Ben, Luke and Davina? Wouldn't she and Harry have gone on infinitely, clinging to the stubborn fear of being completely honest with each other, of taking a risk?

Emerson was not her biological daughter but Hermione knew that Em, who she had grown up to be thus far, was a product of the love her parents had for each other and that which they showered on her and her siblings. Emerson had never been treated differently and Hermione remembered what a shock it had been to the little girl when she'd discovered that Hermione wasn't her birth mother.

She was five years old and one day, during recess at the Woodlands nursery school, apparently the children had been "discussing" babies:

"My little brother Ben came from Mummy's tummy," Em declared wisely. "Her tummy got really big before he came out."

"Annamaria said I came from my Mum's tummy too!" piped up little Carolyna Lupin, her honey-colored eyes wide in wonder.

For a few seconds, all the children were silent, marveling at such awesome information.

Emerson's green eyes shone. "Isn't that ace? We all came from our Mummies!"

"Yeah, we all did. But you didn't," another voice said from behind her. She turned to see Peter McPherson grinning meanly down at her. Peter was seven years old but he often came over to the nursery school to visit his little brother, Paddy, who was such a crybaby.

Em shot him a look of disdain that would have alarmed her parents if they'd seen it. "Excuse me, but I think I know what I'm talking about since she's my Mummy."

"But you weren't in her tummy," sneered Peter. "Everybody knows that. Except you, obviously. How sad."

She glared at the older boy defiantly, but a seed of doubt was taking hold in the five-year-old's mind. The light dimmed in her eyes and even her two long ponytails seemed to deflate as she looked around in confusion at her classmates. They were beginning to twitter in that fickle way children have, while shooting her strange glances.

"Emerson didn't come from her Mummy's tummy!"

"That is awful! Maybe she dropped from the sky."

"No, I bet it was the bird! Y'know, the owl."

"No, you idiot - it's a stork!"

Em tried to fight them but the tears welled up in her eyes anyway and spilled over onto her cheeks. She had too come from her Mummy, just like Ben. Hadn't she?

"I believe you, Em," said a little voice and she turned to smile through her tears at little Carolyna Lupin.

"Believe whatever you want, Lupin, but that doesn't change anything. That is not her real Mum. Face facts and deal with it," said Peter with a mean little laugh, turning to walk out the door.

There was a sudden swell of fury inside Emerson, one of her rare tempers raising its head, and her eyes seemed to flash. "YOU LIAR!" she screamed and some kind of surge seemed to come from her and propel Peter forward so that his head whacked loudly against the doorjamb.

He fell to the ground and, predictably, began to howl but when the teacher got there, she was hard-pressed to discover who had really been hurt. Because Emerson was crying just as hysterically and it took her a long time to calm down, even after her Mum came to pick her up early.

That night after she'd been tucked in, she'd finally mentioned what had gotten her so upset at school.

"Mummy, is it true that I didn't come from your tummy like Ben?"

Hermione's hand froze in the act of smoothing Em's ebony mane. "Where did you hear that, sweetie?" she asked gently, feeling dismay swirling within her. This was not how they'd wanted her to find out.

"From Peter McPherson," the little girl replied, tears spilling out of her eyes again. "He said you're not my real Mummy!"

Hermione helped her climb out of the covers and sat her on her lap, cradling her and kissing her sweaty forehead until she stopped crying. Hermione's heart ached at what she had to do, that she had to confirm the news that had so distressed her daughter.

"I am your Mummy, Emerson. Don't ever doubt that," she said softly, gazing into the green eyes that seemed even more vivid behind their sheen of salt water. "But it's true that you didn't come from my tummy. You came from my heart."

The little girl frowned. "But whose tummy did I come from?"

"Her name was Julia Thomas. She loved you very much, but she died. That's why I became your Mummy. That's why you came from my heart."

Emerson's little face crumbled and she burst into tears again. "But w-why did I h-have to c-come from Julia T-thomas?" she sobbed. "I want to come from you! Like B-Ben did!"

Hermione was on the verge of tears herself and had to swallow hard a few times before she could speak without alerting her daughter to her own distress. "You came from my heart, Emerson, and that makes you very special. Do you understand? And no matter what, I am your Mummy. Forever and ever."

"Promise?" Em asked in a tiny voice, her cheeks tear-stained.

Hermione smiled and kissed her nose, her forehead, both cheeks. "I promise."


Harry had cried from guilt when she'd shared the story with him later that night and she knew they would always regret that they'd waited too long to tell Em the truth. They'd thought they had some time, but obviously they'd underestimated the resourcefulness of children.

After that episode, Emerson had periodically asked questions and they'd been as honest as it was kid-friendly possible to be. Their daughter had adapted surprisingly quickly to the information, actually. For instance, she had been delighted to discover that Herb and Enigi Thomas were more than just really nice people who sent her and Ben birthday and Christmas presents in the post - they were her grandparents. She'd had a great time telling her now-awestruck classmates about her Maman and Papi who lived in America and who had really big cows.

And Hermione's worries had been laid to rest. At least until she discovered that she was pregnant with who turned out to be Davina.

That pregnancy had been a surprise because she and Harry had agreed (he rather reluctantly) not to have any more children after Luke. Hermione had just felt that their family was complete and had managed to persuade Harry into that way of thinking. With the typical narcissism of a man, he'd wanted "as many as nature deigned to give them". But of course he wasn't the one lugging them around for nine months and then pushing them out, was he?

But then, in spite of all their precautions, Hermione began experiencing the classic symptoms of pregnancy - the missed periods, the morning sickness (though thankfully mild), the mood swings (also relatively mild). She'd tried to deny it to herself but there came a point when she just had to know for sure and of course the pregnancy test was positive.

Hermione remembered sitting in the bathroom and crying for almost an hour before she accepted the verdict. How were they going to handle another child? Luke was already a handful and Ben needed a lot of nurturing, he was so brilliant. And Emerson was almost ten years old. Soon she would be going away to Hogwarts; soon she would be a teenager, with all the trials that came with being one.

But once she began thinking rudimentally, focusing on the miracle that had happened as a result of her and Harry's love, Hermione chided herself for worrying. Didn't she have Harry? Weren't her children wonderful beyond description? Wouldn't one more only add so much more joy to the mix?

The answer was, of course, a resounding "Yes!" And with it came that old excitement, that same "Oh my God! I'm pregnant! There's a little life growing inside me!" It all came back and strangely, this time she found herself pondering names before she had even shared the news with Harry.

And thrillingly and alarmingly all at the same time, it was all and only girl names.

This had distressed Hermione quite a bit and led to many hours of soul-searching. How did she really feel about the young girl that she thought of as her daughter? Was this sudden yearning for her unborn child to be female an unconscious signal that perhaps she wasn't as embracing of Emerson as she'd always thought she was?

Invariably, she always came back to the same, deeply honest conclusion: no, it wasn't. Because Hermione knew that she couldn't possibly love Emerson any more if she had birthed her herself. It was just that, at the same time, she wanted a daughter that was both her and Harry.

But how would Em feel when she discovered that her Mum was hoping for a girl? Would that make her feel inadequate in some way?

These questions had plagued Hermione for the first few weeks of the pregnancy and worse, she had to bear them alone. Because she decided to wait until Valentine's Day to share the news with Harry. What a gift to give on the day of love, the gift of a child or rather, the news that one was pending! Was there anything better to give a man who had wanted as many children as the Powers That Be could give?

"The man who, if he had his way, would probably have enough to furnish a Quidditch team, reserve players and all," Hermione muttered to herself with a smile, as she charmed the dishes in the sink to wash themselves.

That had been a great day. Her father had kept the kids overnight and she and Harry had taken a Portkey to a ridiculously fancy resort in the south of France.

An elaborate feast had been set up in their suite and after dinner was over, their uniformed waiter presented them with chocolate-dipped strawberries and rich, whipped cream as well as a chilled bottle of champagne in a bucket. Then, with their thanks, he bowed himself from the room.

"Let's eat these in bed," Harry suggested, that certain glint coming into his eyes.

Hermione blushed. "I'm going to change out of these first. I'll meet you back there."

"Don't take too long," he whispered, before capturing her lips deeply and she had to will herself to pull away from him when he began nipping at her neck. The man was magnetic!

"I'll be right back."

She had a little surprise planned and it was imperative that she get into a bathrobe because she would need the big pockets to hide the surprise until it was time to present it to him.

In the bathroom, she quickly changed and dropped the small package into a pocket. Checking to see that she looked all right and deciding that she did - her eyes were bright, her lips swollen from his kisses, her skin aglow with love and the secret she carried within her body - she headed out.

He was lounging on the bed, looking utterly gorgeous, the plate of strawberries and whipped cream resting on the small tray beside him. The bucket of champagne was sitting on the nightstand, two chilled glasses awaiting the bubbly drink.

'That I won't be having any of,' Hermione thought and it took all she had not to squeal as she remembered why that was so. Really, one would think this was her first child. But hey, every child, whether it was the first or the tenth, deserved to be squealed over and happily anticipated.

He smiled as he took her hand, helping her climb onto the bed before pulling her in for another kiss. The kiss seemed to go on for decades, his hands wandering through her hair and Hermione melted against him, expressing her love as fervently as he was.

He broke the kiss, breathing deeply and looked into her eyes. "I love you so much."

And she was suddenly emotional. "I love you, too," she choked, tears spilling over onto her cheeks, to be gently kissed away. "Harry."

He kissed her again for the umpteenth time, and when they pulled apart, reached for one of the strawberries and she found that she didn't want to wait another second to tell him.

"Wait. I have something for you." Fishing around in the pocket of her bathrobe, she pulled out the small package and handed it to him. "Happy Valentine's Day," she said, smiling.

He took it, looking puzzled but his eyes were smiling back. "Now what could this possibly be?" He held it up to his ear and shook it slightly.

Hermione just smiled. "Open it."

She watched as he eagerly tore off the wrapping paper, looking so much like Ben on Christmas morning that she couldn't help but grin. He opened the box and picked up the little white booties and stared at them.

"Well, er, thanks," he said finally, looking utterly bewildered. "They're.. well, they're lovely but I think they're a little too small for me."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's because they're not for you, silly."

"Who are they for, then?"

She just kept smiling at him, waiting for him to figure it out. He looked repeatedly from her to the tiny shoes and slowly comprehension dawned on his face as his eyes widened.

"You're... you're pregnant?"

Hermione beamed and nodded and Harry gaped. "What- how?"

"Well, the usual mode is when the man puts-"

"Smartarse," he interrupted before leaning over to reclaim her lips yet again and it was a long time before they pulled apart, breathing raggedly. "Oh my God. A baby," he whispered, kissing her all over her face, his green eyes alive with wonder and delight.

"A baby," she repeated, the joy swelling and washing over her as she reveled in his ecstatic response.

"Well, this kid must be really needed on Earth if it managed to be conceived in spite of all the precautions we were taking," Harry quipped, grinning at her.

She laughed softly and nodded. "Who knows? Maybe she'll be the next Morgana or Gloria Steinem."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "She?"

Hermione felt the heat creep up her neck; she hadn't even realized that she'd spoken the thought out loud.

"You're hoping for a girl?" Harry asked softly. She nodded, avoiding his eyes until he raised her chin gently. "There's nothing wrong with that. I'd like to have a daughter with you too."

"It's silly, I know. But a part of me feels guilty. Like I'm betraying Emerson or something."

Harry gazed at her tenderly. "Because you didn't give birth to her?"

Hermione nodded, wiping her suddenly streaming eyes. Damn hormones. "It was different with Ben and Luke because they're boys. But wanting another girl... and Emerson... I just love her so much! I don't want to hurt her."

"And Emerson knows you love her. You're the only mother she's ever really known and that won't ever change," he said gently. "She'd be gaining a little sister, not losing her Mum. Because I know you and you would never let something like that happen. Okay?"

She nodded again, thoroughly loving this man and how far he had come from the emotionally-stunted eleven-year-old she had met that first time aboard the Hogwarts Express. They held each other for a long time, Hermione snuggled against him as he stroked her hair, both of them lost in thought about how the dynamics of their family would be changing once more.

"How far along are you?" he whispered after an inordinate amount of time.

"About eight weeks," she whispered back.

He was silent for a few seconds. "So sometime in September." She nodded and he pulled away and rubbed her still flat stomach. "Just in time for your birthday."

She smiled shyly and watched the way his eyes darkened in that way that never failed to make her blood quicken.

"Thank you for the wonderful gift," he said, his voice husky with emotion. "Happy Valentine's Day, Hermione."

She raised her head to receive his kiss. "Happy Valentine's Day, Harry."

Seated now behind the desk in her office at Ballynore, Hermione blushed as she recalled just how happy of a Valentine's Day that had been. Suffice it to say, the strawberries and company had ended up being thoroughly ignored - to the chagrin of their waiter the next day, most likely. And Harry had been right about the baby arriving near her birthday too. Davina had been born the day after Hermione's birthday, a belated but ecstatically welcome gift.

And she was a girl.

Hermione quickly discovered that she needn't have worried at all about her eldest daughter. Emerson had been smitten from the very second she laid eyes on Davina and even now, there was a special bond between the two girls, despite the ten years of age difference between them.

Ben had welcomed his new sister with open arms as well but Luke, on the other hand, had been an entirely different matter.

"Which was somewhat unexpected," Hermione said aloud to herself, as she picked up a picture of herself helping Luke cradle a six-month-old Davina. That picture had been one of the first times Luke would even touch Davina long enough for a snapshot to be taken.

His reaction had been distressing because as soon as Hermione had gotten big enough to show, they'd begun explaining repeatedly to Luke that there was a baby in Mummy's tummy. That the baby was going to grow bigger, then come out and live with them. Luke would stare from his mother to her swollen belly, say "Okay!" and run outside to frolic.

They'd thought everything was fine and when they'd first introduced him to Davina, Luke had seemed excited. But then they took the baby home and after a day or two, Luke began eyeing her malevolently and telling his Mum and Dad that they could 'take her back now'.

"What do you mean?" Harry had asked.

Luke pointed at the baby. "Give her back to the 'ospital!"

His parents had explained gently that they couldn't; that Davina belonged to them and didn't Luke want her to live here?

"NO!" he sobbed. "I don't like her and I don't want her to stay here!"

His behavior had gone downhill from there. In particular, he would get mad if he saw his Mum holding Davina. He stopped feeding himself and demanded that they spoon-feed him instead. He refused to go to sleep at night unless both his parents were there - and without Davina, thank you very much.

Before too long, everybody's nerves were shot and tempers were flaring easily all around. Hermione had taken it rather hard, blaming herself for not preparing Luke better. After all, Emerson had been ecstatic at all her siblings' arrivals and Ben had been more curious than anything else when Luke was born. He'd asked a plethora of questions and had shown only minor twinges of jealousy.

Certainly nothing to the extent of Luke's behavior. So why was Luke acting out like that? The question had tormented them for weeks.

Until the other mothers, particularly Molly Weasley, assured her that Luke's reaction was actually quite normal.

"Remember, he's only three years old. He's just feeling threatened by Davina," the older woman said, patting Hermione's hand soothingly.

Hermione had wiped her eyes; she'd cried a lot those days. "But why? We don't treat him any differently than before."

"I know you don't. But Luke is feeling territorial; you and Harry were his parents first. He thinks you both won't love him anymore because you have a new baby to love. You'll just have to show him that it isn't so."

So Hermione and Harry had gone out of their way to shower Luke with extra love and attention. The two older children were wonderful helpers too, keeping an eye on the baby so their parents could cuddle with Luke and his favorite book.

Gradually, things got better, though sometimes Luke would all of a sudden want to sit in his mother's lap if he saw her holding Davina there. If the baby wasn't nursing and seemed content, Hermione would put her down and cradle Luke instead. He always got bored and bounded away within minutes, of course.

Finally Luke had seemed to accept his little sister and Hermione knew they would be all right when, upon viewing the picture of himself holding the baby, Luke had declared to his mother that if he couldn't marry her or Emerson, he would marry Davina.

Smiling to herself, Hermione set the picture down and her eyes drifted to another. It was a copy of the one Harry had on his desk at work, of all six of them, the kids laughing, jumping, giving each other bunny ears. Her eyes lingered on Emerson, whose green eyes were aglow with life and light and Hermione felt a vague sense of unease.

But of what? From what? She honestly didn't know.

"One thing I do know though, Em," Hermione said softly, her fingers tracing the outline of the young girl. "You're coming home for Christmas, whether you like it or not. Because we're not quite a family without you."

She only hoped that in this confusing time of growth, hormones and everything else, Emerson would never forget, would always treasure her place in her family. And beginning with Christmas, Hermione intended to help her remember.


*******

Later that night after dinner, they were all lounging about the Family Room. Ben was flipping through the newest edition of Quidditch Through The Ages, which had both Harry and Ron mentioned more than a few times, as well as Oliver Wood.

Frankly, Harry thought that a lot of information in that new edition was rather unnecessary. Was there really a need to inform civilization of his obsession with vintage brooms? The last thing he needed was people trying to break into Ballynore to steal his priceless collection.

Thank goodness the place was Unplottable, anyway.

"Andy owes me two Sickles," Ben was saying gleefully. "He said Puddlemere has been number one five times in the past ten years and I said six. I was right."

"You're much too young to be placing bets, Ben," Hermione said, frowning over at Harry as if their son's perceived gambling was somehow his fault.

Ben sighed. "It wasn't a bet, Mum. It was a contest of information, in which the one with the correct answer gets rewarded."

Harry laughed. His son was brilliant, there was no denying it. Just like his mother, was Ben. Next week, he would be nine years old, but sometimes Harry honestly thought Ben was much older than his years.

Hermione tutted, turning back to the letter she was writing to Emerson. They'd decided that she should be the one to respond to Em's request to stay at Hogwarts. Hermione was the more articulate of the two of them anyway and besides, Harry was feeling a bit too annoyed by the letter to not set their daughter off even more with his response. Why on earth would Emerson not want to come home for Christmas? What could possibly be more appealing about staying at a deserted Hogwarts than being with her family? Granted, he himself had much rather stayed at Hogwarts than go back to Privet Drive, but it wasn't as if her family was like the Dursleys. So why-

Harry closed his eyes briefly and sighed. The thoughts were beginning to make his head pound so he turned his attention instead to his youngest son, who was lying on his stomach on the carpet engrossed by a set of magic markers. These were real magic markers, which made drawings that flashed in different colors, wiggled, zig-zagged or streaked across the page, depending on what the artist made them do.

Luke's feet were swinging up and down, colliding with the carpet with soft thuds and Harry found himself grinning. Even lying down, the kid was unable to be still. In the other corner, Davina was sitting by herself surrounded by a pile of books. Harry watched her pick out one, toddle over to Luke and squat beside him.

"Luke, read to me."

"I can't," Luke replied absentmindedly.

"Read the book."

Her brother finally looked up and glanced at the book. "I can't, Vina. Ask Ben." He turned his attention back to his drawings only to have Davina shove the book under his nose.

"Luke, read to me!"

"I can't cause I don't know how to read that one yet!" Luke said loudly. He jumped up, grabbed his paper and markers in irritation and stalked out of the room, muttering.

Harry was sure he heard Budget say something about 'tarnation' and 'pets'. He caught Hermione's eye and she seemed to be trying as hard as he was not to laugh. Instead, he turned to little Davina who sat frowning upon the floor, clutching her unread book.

Holding back his chuckles, Harry gestured. "Come, Vina. Let Daddy read to you."

He sat his little girl on his lap and opened The Velveteen Rabbit while Hermione went to check on Luke.

"There was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splen-" Harry began but was interrupted.

"Ol' Bob!" Davina squealed, pointing at the page, her eyes wide with delight.

Harry smiled. "Ol' Bob is upstairs. This is a rabbit."

"This is not Ol' Bob?"

"No, this is a rabbit. Ol' Bob is upstairs."

Davina frowned but didn't speak and he continued reading. He'd just gotten to the part about the Skin Horse when-

"Daddy, Ol' Bob is a rabbit, right?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yep, he is."

"This is not Ol' Bob. This is a rabbit. But Ol' Bob is a rabbit too," Davina said, effectively summarizing their conversation.

Harry gaped. 'Is this kid really only two years old?' he wondered, as he kissed her curly head. 'But why am I surprised? Her mother is the most genius witch to come out of Hogwarts in generations. Surely Hermione's brilliance negates the doofus genes I contributed.'

When he repeated those sentiments to his wife in bed later, she blushed. "Honestly, Harry! Don't sell yourself short."

"I'm not," he replied honestly. "Our children's intelligence is all you."

"What of Emerson, then? And don't say it's Julia's! I'm sure she was intelligent too, but you're not as stupid as you act sometimes."

Harry pretended to clutch his chest. "Ouch, I think. How was Budget, though? Trust a son of yours to manage such a word as 'tarnation'."

"Trust a son of yours to mess up a word like 'pests'," Hermione giggled.

Harry laughed. "He said 'pets', didn't he?"

The two of them held each other and chuckled in happy pride. "Did you notice he said he doesn't know how to read 'that one yet'?"

"Yeah. The only book he knows how to 'read' is Tom and Pippo. The one where Pippo gets lost," Hermione said, smiling. "And he doesn't really know how to read it yet. He's just memorized it."

Harry grinned. "Remember how he used to cry at the part where it says-"

"Tom gets really worried about Pippo and thinks he might never see him again," Hermione recited with him and they smiled at each other. They'd read that book to Luke so many times, they could probably repeat it in their sleep now.

Luke still loved that book but shortly after he'd turned three, he'd wondered aloud why Tom's Mummy and Daddy didn't just summon Pippo. And that had been the opportunity for Harry and Hermione to explain about Muggles and how they can't do magic.

Hermione giggled. "Remember how appalled he looked upon hearing that? His eyes got so huge." She affected a solemn little boy voice: "Are they sick, Mummy?"

"And we told him that no, they're not sick. They're just like Grandpa Granger and Aunt Nina, who are Muggles and are just fine."

"I guess so," Luke had mumbled sleepily, then yawned. "Aunt Nina makes yummy toad-in-the-hole." As if having that ability was akin to getting a clean bill of health.

Harry and Hermione had laughed then, just as they did now at the memory. Harry sobered first as he stroked Hermione's cheek. "They're wonderful, aren't they?"

"Beyond words." She was silent for a moment, just staring into his eyes and Harry could feel his heartbeat accelerating at the look of utter adoration in hers. " I love you, Harry."

He smiled. "I love you too." Then his brow furrowed as a thought occurred to him. "What're we going to do about Emerson, though?"

"I don't know," she said with a sigh. "We'll just have to talk to her. She's entering puberty and that automatically makes us Enemy Number One, the source of all embarrassment on the planet, and who must be avoided whenever possible."

Harry frowned. "Isn't that a bit of a stereotype? Em has never quite conformed to any generic categorizations. Why would she all of a sudden start now?"

His wife didn't answer and after a minute, Harry lay back down beside her, seeing the unease he felt being clearly reflected in her eyes. But there wasn't anything they could do, not until their daughter came home. For now, Harry snuggled up to the warm body of the woman he loved and tried to let slumber claim him.

It was a long time, though, before he fell asleep.

A/N: Many, many thanks to all my reviewers of the last chapter! I'm so glad that y'all liked it :) danielerin, you completely made my day with your comment that I'll make a good mom *sniffles* Thank you muchly for that! Hope y'all enjoy this looooong chapter and reviews would be tremendously appreciated!


Chapter Sixteen - Potter Christmas (aka Unless You Sing)


It was the evening before the Hogwarts Express would be carting the vast majority of Hogwarts' students home for the Christmas holidays and the Yuletide spirit was definitely in the air. Almost everywhere around the school, and the Great Hall in particular, had been festooned for the season and the excitement that only Christmas can bring was definitely swelling every heart.

Well, almost every heart.

From the scowl adorning Emerson Potter's face, one wouldn't know that she would be going home to celebrate the rapturous phenomenon. It wasn't that she didn't want to go home. She was just trying to think selflessly here. It was for the greater good, wasn't it?

'But no, Mum and Dad just had to take it the wrong way when I asked to stay here,' she thought darkly, dumping clothes and shoes into her trunk without looking to see where they landed. 'Do they think I'd rather be here than with them? Don't they know that only something very serious could make me even think about not being with them?'

Em sat down on her bed and sighed, leaning over the trunk, her long hair framing her face and hiding it from view. She closed her eyes tightly, trying not to cry. She was so confused! She missed them so much, she couldn't wait to be with them, to see them again, Mum and Dad, Ben, Budget and Vina.

And yet...

Smiley was so persistent, so consistent, so convincing. Emerson didn't know when it was that she'd begun believing the mysterious letter writer, but somehow she did. Somehow, she'd begun to think that maybe, just maybe, Smiley was right. Weren't they better off without her? Weren't they safer?

Weren't they purer?

The thought sent a stab of agony through her being, making her gasp aloud. She squeezed her eyes tighter, clenching her teeth, grateful for the screen of privacy that her thick hair provided. She wanted nothing more than to yank her hangings closed and cry into her pillow (like she'd been doing almost daily now), but that would certainly delight Jerrianne and the Fakers, who were sitting perkily on Jerrianne's bed, jabbering away.

Annamaria had wanted to talk to Lyna about something, probably about the joint Christmas present they were getting their Dad, so Em was without an ally at the moment. She'd wanted to go with Lyna but since she'd ignored her packing until the last minute, this really was the only time she had left to get it done.

Unfortunately, that meant she had to be alone in the same room with Jerrianne, Janie and Maria. Too bad her hair couldn't block out their voices like it did their faces. But at least they offered her a distraction from her agonizing thoughts.

"-but Papa wore her down. He can never refuse me, you know, so I'm going to the Christmas Ball at Sandringham House!" Jerrianne was haughtily bleating, causing Janie and Maria to squeal in unison.

"Omigawd! I'm sooo jealous, Jerri! Maybe you'll meet the Queen!"

Jerrianne scoffed. "Maybe? Don't be stupid, Maria, of course I will. It's her private residence! At least until February of next year and since this December comes before next February, that means she'll be there. The whole Royal family, actually. Anyway, Papa promised to introduce me to as many of them as he can."

Emerson knew that Jerrianne's father was some kind of politician, who doted excessively on his only child. From what she'd heard, Jerrianne's mother seemed to have almost no say in her daughter's life; Jerrianne would simply go to her father and he would override whatever it was her mother said. No wonder she had such an attitude of entitlement; she'd been getting her way since the day she was born.

"I bet certain people wish they could be rubbing shoulders with real Royals," Jerrianne said loudly. "Not wannabe-royalty, famous just cause they defeated some kinda ugly old warlock."

Janie and Maria giggled appreciatively and Emerson rolled her eyes and pulled her hair back to resume packing. Oh, for an Earclogging Charm!

"D'you already have your dress picked out?" That was Janie.

"Oh my gosh! It's amazing!" Jerrianne breathed, and then launched into a breathless description of her ball gown which, frankly, Em thought sounded hideous. Of course, Janie and Maria went into raptures.

"You'll be the most beautiful girl there, Jerrianne, I just know it! I bet the Prince won't be able to keep his eyes-"

"-maybe he'll ask you to dance! I bet-"

"-and your hair! I still wish I had hair like yours, Jerrianne. It's so silky and-"

"-you must show off your feet. They're so dainty, like a Princess!"

They were actually interrupting each other in their haste to glorify the other girl and, finally, Emerson shot them a look of deep disgust. "Honestly! If you two kissed Jerrianne's arse any harder, you'd be drawing blood."

That very effectively and satisfyingly shut them up. For a few minutes anyway, and then they were back in fawning and cooing mode. They were now far more annoying than distracting and, unable to stand it anymore, Emerson jumped up and let the lid of her trunk slam shut. She grabbed her wand and stalked towards the door.

Jerrianne heaved a great fake sigh. "I guess some people are unable to bear the fact that other people have more and better fun."

"Oh, get stuffed and die, you miserable cow," Em said wearily, letting the door mimic her trunk's lid and slam shut behind her.

Which was too bad, because had she stayed, perhaps her spirits might have gotten even the tiniest bit of a boost from the rather impressive shade of magenta that the other girl achieved.

As it was, though, Em knew she was really the miserable one. Once she was seated in one of the overstuffed old armchairs in the farthest corner of the common room, the tears she'd been holding in began cascading down her cheeks and she didn't bother trying to keep them in check. She wanted to go home. She wanted to be with her family.

But she was scared. Terrified. What if Smiley wrote to her while she was home? Her parents would want to know who it was from, and then they'd probably get it out of her. And then Smiley would somehow know she'd told someone and would try to hurt Ben, Budget and Vina.

And it would be her fault. Just like Julia's death was her fault, just like-

Stop it!

Emerson took a deep, shuddering breath and covered her face with her hands, wiping her cheeks. She was not going to cry anymore! Her parents were making her go home, there was nothing she could do about it. All she could do was try not to tip them off, try to keep her mouth shut about Smiley, and pray like heck that they wouldn't harass her too much in trying to find out what was going on.

She wanted some happiness. Oh God, she needed some happiness! And was there a happier time than Christmas, with those you loved more than anything else in the world?

Even if you weren't worthy of them?

"Happiness is being home for Christmas. Home to hear the sweet old carols sung. Home to smell the sugar cookies baking-" Em recited, almost defiantly, under her breath but broke off abruptly, the lump in her throat having mushroomed too much for her to continue.

"Home, where all the stockings have been hung," someone said from her left, completing the little poem that her Grandpa Granger had taught her and a few of her friends when she was younger.

She turned to look into Brandon Wood's smiling face, watching the smile fade as he took in the fact that her eyes were red from crying.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sounding concerned.

She nodded. "Yeah."

He looked unconvinced. "What's wrong?"

Em shrugged. "Nothing really."

He stared at her for a second, then frowned. "It's that Youngleer girl and her two remoras, isn't it?"

Em couldn't hold back a wry grin. "Don't insult remoras, Brandon. They, at least, perform a valuable service."

"I guess so," he said, with a chuckle. He stared at her for a few more seconds. "Don't let them get to you. Y'know?"

She nodded, glad that he seemed convinced that that was really what was bothering her. Actually, she was feeling a little better. Imagine that, Brandon Wood, of all people making her feel better!

But then she heard him sigh wistfully and, looking up, saw that the trademark mischievous gleam was back in his eyes.

"I'm looking forward to Boxing Day. You're going to dance with me, right?"

He was talking about the tradition the Potter and Wood families had of the Potters spending the evening of Boxing Day at the Wood estate, which was called (rather unimaginatively, Em thought) Woodhaven.

"Dammit, Brandon, we were actually having a civilized conversation for once. You just had to go and ruin it, didn't you?"

"But it's not ruined," he said, looking perplexed. "This is a natural progression..."

Emerson sighed and leaned back in her chair, listening to him carry on with what he did best: exasperating her. As she waited for Carolyna to get back, she watched the snow falling down outside the window, heard faint snatches of conversation from around the common room, punctuated by the crackles of the logs in the fireplace.

And in spite of herself, she couldn't suppress a twinge of excitement.

Carols, sugar cookies and stockings. The things of Christmas. The things of home.

**********

Within the first few days of being home, however, Emerson was beginning to wonder if she shouldn't have fought harder to stay at school. Sure, it was wonderful being with her brothers and sister again and she'd quickly slipped back into the daily routine. It was awesome being able to jabber with Ben about completely breezy stuff, like his upcoming birthday party, and his non-gambling win over Andy Wood.

Budget, it went without saying, invigorated her by his sheer presence and he was so funny! She'd found herself laughing repeatedly for the first time in weeks. And Vina, that little snuggle bunny, who liked nothing better than to sit in Em's lap and periodically touch her big sister's face as if to reassure herself that yes, Em really was here.

Crazy snowball fights in the backyard and afterwards, mugs of hot apple cider and plates of the long-dreamed-about sugar cookies, fresh from the oven. Teaching Vina to catch snowflakes on her tongue and making snow angels, whose wings Mum Charmed to really flutter. Yep, in most ways, it was good to be home.

Her first day back, her parents had been all hugs and good vibes and she'd begun to think that maybe they wouldn't ask about her letter. She quickly discovered that she'd relaxed far too soon. That same evening, her mum had casually brought the conversation around to Em's request and it quickly became clear to her that repeated non-answers just weren't going to cut it.

Already her parents had raised the subject a few times, sometimes the both of them together, sometimes just her Mum or Dad. Emerson found that she particularly hated it when it was her Dad who questioned her. She just felt so incredibly guilty and there was always this strong sense of some kind of uncomfortable tug-of-war being waged inside her. She wanted to tell him so badly and yet.. yet.. something was holding her back, that dual-edged fear.

At the moment, she was lying on the big suede couch in the family room, watching the fairy lights play across the walls without really seeing them. Budget and Vina were asleep, Ben was somewhere in the house and Mum was probably in her office.

And Dad-

Em sniffled and wiped her eyes. Dad was probably with Mum, and was likely ranting. She'd honestly never seen him look at her like that before, it'd been almost frightening. She hadn't meant to be rude to him, the words had just popped out of her mouth before she could stop them. She'd essentially told him to get a life and stop harassing her and he'd looked at her like-

Emerson flushed with shame, shuddering at the memory. "But why can't he just leave me alone?" she said in a strained whisper. "I can't tell them. I can't!"

The sound of footsteps made her look up and she didn't try to hide her tears. It was Ben, his brow furrowed as he looked about the room as if searching for something. "Hey, have you seen-" he began, but then he got close enough to see her face and stopped. "Are you crying about something?"

Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Emerson shot him a look of irritation. "Gee, whatever tipped you off?"

Her brother stopped and looked at her for a minute, a scowl slowly creeping across his face. "Fine, be like that!" he snapped back. "You think you're the only one with problems?"

He turned and began storming out of the room, and Em suddenly didn't want him to go.

"Ben, wait."

He stopped and looked stonily back at her, not speaking.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm just really miserable right now."

She watched him walk over again and perch on the couch near her feet, the fairy lights glinting off his glasses and somehow seeming to make light of the heaviness in the air.

"Why are you miserable?" he asked.

That's the 64,000 Galleon question, eh? "I can't tell you."

He looked annoyed for a second before shrugging. "Okay. But I can tell you about mine. I'm this close-" he held up his thumb and forefinger with a minuscule space between them "- to being suspended from Woodlands."

This startling admission was enough to completely distract Emerson from her misery. "What! Why?"

"Well, you remember Paddy McPherson?"

Emerson scowled. "How could I forget such an arsehole?" Paddy, and especially his older brother Peter, used to try to bully her quite a bit when she went to Woodlands. The only thing tainting her satisfaction that he was still at what was essentially a kiddie school, while she was now at Hogwarts, was the fact that Ben was still at Woodlands too and hence, fodder for Paddy.

Ben grinned at her statement, before sobering. "Well, he and I got into a fight and Headmistress Esson-"

"Whoa, wait, wait!" Em interrupted, her eyes wide. "You got into a fight with Paddy?"

"Yeah. And Headmis-"

"Slow down, for God's sake!" she cried. "Why'd you get into a fight? Was he picking on you?"

Ben scowled again. "No, on one of my friends. I couldn't just stand by and let him."

"My hero," Emerson said softly, gazing at him in honest admiration. "Taking on Big Bad Paddy McPherson! I bet you kicked his bullying backside too."

Ben blushed scarlet. "Well, you'd have done the same thing if it was your friend."

"Was it Andy?"

"No. He's a new kid in Rajiv's class. Arnie Shriver."

Em sat up straighter. "Arnie Shriver?"

"Yeah. Why? You know him?"

"No. I know a Gryffindor first year named Will Shriver, though."

"Arnie has a brother named Will, who just started at Hogwarts!" Ben exclaimed excitedly. "He's always going on about him."

"How about other brothers and sisters?" Em asked, leaning forward. This was interesting.

He bit his lip, thinking, then brightened. "Yeah, he has twin little brothers. They're always sick."

Em slumped back against the couch, looking incredulous. "Will has twin little brothers who are always sick too! What're the odds, you and me befriending two brothers without even knowing it?"

"Mum actually knew Arnie's Mum from Hogwarts. She was in that club that Mum started. You know, the one Uncle Ron still teases her about?"

"S.P.E.W." Em said, nodding. "Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. And Mum's actually gotten the last laugh on that one. Didn't she get the Ministry to change some of the laws about house-elves and other magi-"

She broke off when she caught sight of her father looking in the room, but by the time Ben had whipped around to see what had halted her speech, Dad had already continued on.

And in a rush, Emerson remembered that she was miserable and why. It was no use pretending that things were otherwise. This was all her fault and she just didn't know what to do about it.

Feeling suddenly deflated, she leaned back on the couch and tried her very best to keep up the conversation with her brother, without tipping him off to the fact that her heart was breaking.

And, she thought sadly to herself, that this was definitely not how the lead-up to Christmas should be.


*********

"Remind me again why we didn't just let Emerson stay at Hogwarts like she wanted to, would you, Hermione? Because I think we might've made a mistake," Harry had said irritably as he stalked into his office earlier that evening, where his wife was looking over some parchments. He had just had the exact same conversation with Em as they'd had every time since she came home, and Harry was frustrated.

Hermione looked up from the parchment with a frown, her eyes troubled. "She wouldn't tell you?"

"Of course not. And this time she got all snarky with me, saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing and 'suggesting' that I find something else to obsess about because there wasn't anything from her angle worth being obsessed with."

His wife gasped. "She said that?"

"It was more the way she said it than what she said. I wanted to hit her, Hermione," Harry half-moaned, feeling and looking horrified. "I actually felt like smacking my daughter. She has a mouth on her, we've always known that, but it's never affected me like this." He tore his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "Oh God, I'm too young for these things."

"Don't you mean 'too old'?" she asked softly.

Harry's head snapped up. "No, I mean 'too young'! Shouldn't I get to be at least forty before I have to deal with teenage temper tantrums?"

"And she's not even a teenager yet," Hermione mused, turning back to her parchments and for some reason, that really annoyed Harry.

"Whose side are you on, anyway?" he asked sharply.

She looked at him, bewilderment suffusing her features. "I'm on your side, of course."

"Well, how about acting like it?"

The bewilderment slowly morphed into a cold look as she stared at him. "I'm on your side, Harry, you know that. I want to know about these changes in our daughter as much as you do. But it doesn't help the situation at all if you get snippy too." She stood up and gathered her parchments. "I'll be in my office when you've had a chance to cool down."

The door closed noiselessly behind her, and it was more the absence of sound than anything else that calmed him. If she'd slammed the door, he could at least sit there and stew for a few more minutes. But her dignified exit alerted him to the fact that he was taking out his frustration on the one person who truly was always on his side.

Harry sighed and laid his head on the cool wooden surface of his desk. He just wanted to know why Emerson had asked to stay at Hogwarts. Was that too much to ask for? Why did she keep saying that she'd just wanted to? There had to be more to it than that, there just had to be.

He didn't like to acknowledge it, but a part of Harry thought he knew why: Emerson was asserting her independence. She was pulling away from them, establishing herself separately from her family. It made sense - for one, she'd abruptly decided against trying out for the Quidditch team. He liked to tell himself that it'd been her dream ever since she was a little girl, but really, how much of it was what Emerson really wanted as opposed to what he (and by extension, Ron) wanted? Hadn't he and Ron filled her head with glory tales about playing for Gryffindor, both secretly exulting in the light that erupted in her eyes?

Perhaps, on the day of the tryouts, Em had really examined herself and discovered that her desire to play on the Gryffindor team was really that of her father and uncle. Perhaps that was why she hadn't told them anything else, she wanted to spare their feelings.

"I don't know," Harry said aloud, sighing again. He and Hermione had always raised their children to be independent. But honestly, to this extreme?

And Hermione was right; it wouldn't help the situation any for him to get snippy too. Merlin knew, Emerson already had that one down to an art.

Feeling sufficiently "cooled down", though by no means enlightened, he left the room and made his way to the stairs. He had to pass the family room to get to them and looking in, he saw Emerson and Ben deep in conversation. Harry had the fleeting thought of eavesdropping, but quickly changed his mind and continued on his way up the stairs. It would never do to have them mistrusting him as well.

Upon reaching Hermione's closed door, he took a breath and knocked.

"Come in."

He opened the door and saw her sitting at her desk, her back to him. From the set of her shoulders, he knew that she knew it was him. He could also tell that she was still irritated.

"I'm sorry," he said, softly.

She didn't turn around. "For what?"

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. I was just frustrated about Em and I guess I took it out on you."

She glanced at him over her shoulder. "You guess?"

She wasn't going to let him off easy, Harry realized, and he felt a grin tugging at the sides of his mouth. Crossing over to her, he laid his hands on her shoulders. "Okay, I know I took it out on you. Forgive me?" He punctuated his words with a slow knead of her neck muscles and smiled at her sharp intake of breath.

"Well.."

"What do I need to do to make you forgive me?"

She gave a little moan. "Well, for one, you could shut up and keep doing what you're doing."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, dipping his head to kiss her neck and for the next few minutes, the only sounds were the little contented noises Hermione made as Harry massaged her. He could get caught up in doing this; she smelled and felt so good. But once all the knots had been gently done away with, he perched on the edge of her desk and looked down at her.

She smiled up at him. "You're forgiven. And Harry, you should know that Em was exactly the same way with me when I spoke to her. Maybe a bit more with you, actually, because you are both so much alike."

"Me and Em?" he asked, frowning.

"Yeah. And that's always a recipe for conflict, because you're both stubborn and independent and the harder someone pressures you, the more determined you are not to give in. We have to be careful, go gentle with her or we might end up alienating her and that's the last thing we want."

Harry nodded. That made sense. Hell, he could recall feeling like that at Hogwarts, back when he and Snape were the bitterest of enemies. The thought of being like Snape was vaguely frightening and his face must have shown it because Hermione's brow furrowed in a silent inquiry.

"I was just thinking, I don't want to be to Em like Snape was to me at Hogwarts."

She smiled and reached up to touch his cheek. "Don't worry, it's not possible for you to be. Because there was no love lost between you and Snape at the time. Whereas with Em... you would kill for her, Harry."

Her simple, matter-of-fact statement chilled him to the bone because he knew it was true. He would kill for Emerson, for Ben, Luke or Davina. He would kill for Hermione and in her case, it wouldn't be for the first time. But he didn't like to think about it, that the same hands he'd just used to massage his wife, the hands that had trembled upon holding his children for the first time, these hands had also ended the lives of more than one person. Murderous and evil Death Eater scum, sure, but people nonetheless.

Who wants to dwell on something like that? Harry found that he certainly didn't, and when his eyes landed on her parchments, he reached out to pick one up. "What're you working on, anyway? What's this, some kind of membership list?"

"Yeah, from Hogwarts," she answered, reaching inside her desk for a fresh bottle of ink. "Remember, I wanted to find out more about Arnie Shriver's family, that kid Ben got into a fight for?"

Harry nodded. He remembered Arnie. He was a thin, introverted boy who reminded Harry of himself at that age. Though, thankfully, Arnie at least had a mother, father and three brothers who loved him. He'd been over to Ballynore a few more times since Hallowe'en and he, Ben and Andy were apparently thick as thieves when at school.

"Well, I knew Arnie's mother was at Hogwarts with us but I couldn't remember her and-"

"It was driving you insane, right?" Harry interrupted with a grin. "Because you absolutely have to know everything there is to know and- OW!"

"-and somehow I just felt sure that I'd known her, if only as an acquaintance," Hermione continued resolutely, as if she wasn't blushing and there hadn't been the slightest interruption. "I was right. She was one of the few people who voluntarily joined S.P.E.W. back in fourth year. Her name was Margaret Lovejoy at the time."

Harry gazed at his wife adoringly. She never ceased to amaze him. Even now when her life was so full and busy, she still made time to find out more about other people, to try to effect some positive change for them. He knew the Shrivers were going through some financial difficulties and knowing Hermione, assisting them was the driving force behind her research.

"You are just like Ben, you know that?" he said, sounding almost awed. "Or shouldn't I say, Ben is just like you? Going out of your way for someone else, without even being asked."

She was definitely blushing now as she tried to shush him, but he slid off her desk, pulled her into his arms and shushed her attempts to shush him. She kissed him back and then they held each other tight, she rubbing his arm soothingly where she'd playfully pinched him before. Harry sighed and rested his cheek against her hair, closing his eyes as he inhaled the scent of her shampoo. Merlin, how he loved this woman!

They stood like that for a long minute until the sound of the door creaking open made them pull apart. It was Luke, pyjama-clad and wild-haired, and Harry noted, dismayingly bright-eyed. Hadn't they put him to bed less than half an hour ago?

"What're you doing up, mister?" Hermione was asking.

Luke's green eyes widened. "Is it Christmas yet, Mummy? Cause I swear, I heard Father Christmas landing on the roof just now!"

Hermione affected a great sigh, but Harry could tell she was trying not to laugh. "No, it's not Christmas yet, Luke. It won't be Christmas for a whole week yet. That was probably just your imagination."

"But I heard it!" Luke whined. "I heard it, Daddy. It wasn't my 'magination!"

Harry chuckled and picked him up and Budget laid his head on his father's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his neck. He pouted and grumbled as Harry carried him back to bed but didn't resist being tucked in.

"You know what, Budget, it could've been Father Christmas," Harry said, his eyes twinkling as he watched his son blinking sleepily.

Luke's eyes lit up. "It could've?"

"Yep. He was probably stashing some of the gifts early so that on Christmas Eve, he won't have to lug so much around." He grinned over at Hermione, who rolled her eyes while the corners of her mouth twitched.

The little boy looked at his mother. "D'you think so, Mum?"

Hermione leaned over to kiss his forehead. "That's one explanation, yes. But it's time for you to go to sleep now, okay?"

"I already did that," Luke mumbled. "So you mean it's time for me to go back to sleep."

'You know a child is the offspring of Hermione Granger when he starts arguing semantics,' Harry thought to himself later, with amusement, as he prepared hot chocolate for himself, Hermione, Emerson and Ben.

He carried the tray with the steaming mugs to the family room and they all sat around, sipping and chattering. Or at least, Hermione and Ben were. Emerson was very quiet, looking miserable and Harry noticed she kept glancing at him. Hermione must have noticed too because as soon as Ben was done, she stood up.

"Time for bed, Ben."

Ben frowned but didn't protest and after goodnights and hugs, he followed his mother out of the room. Harry stared into his mug, waiting to see if his daughter would make the first move.

It took a minute of awkward silence but she did. "Dad?"

Harry let out the breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding. "Yeah, Em?"

She exhaled loudly. "I'm prob- This probably makes me sound like a broken record by now, but I'm sorry I was rude to you earlier."

"Okay," Harry said, looking at her. He watched her green eyes fill up and tears spill over onto her cheeks. Feeling alarmed, he reached out and she rushed into his arms. "Emerson, what's wrong?"

He could feel her shaking but then she pulled away and looked pleadingly into his eyes. "Isn't it enough that I came home, Daddy? That I'm here?"

Daddy.

She hadn't called him that in... how long was it? There was something searching in her voice, in her eyes, and it took him a full minute to figure out what it was - validation. She wasn't just asking him a question; she honestly feared that he would answer that no, it wasn't enough.

A wave of prickly unease swept over Harry but she was still staring at him, mutely begging, her cheeks wet with tears, and he pushed his questions aside and hugged her fiercely. His daughter; his firstborn.

"It's enough, Emerson. How can you even ask? Of course it's enough."

She seemed to sag with relief and somehow, Harry found himself resolving to just enjoy this time with her, this time of his whole family being together. Before he knew it, she would be returning to Hogwarts, hundreds of miles away from home.

He was by no means shelving his worries, his questions or concerns; he and Hermione would definitely be analyzing this new development. But let them just enjoy the holidays together.

It wasn't too much to ask for, was it? Just Christmas with the centers of his world?


********

Christmas morning dawned bright and cold, with a weak winter sun daring to make an appearance in a sky that resolutely promised snow. Dawn's light shone upon a landscape that was heavily coated with the pure white substance, which was at the moment more or less unmolested because all the human inhabitants of Ballynore Estate were as snug as bugs in rugs.

Or in their beds, as the case was. Emerson, for her part, was feeling warm and safe, curled up in a ball on her bed. She didn't know what had awoken her, but her eyes cracked open the slightest half-inch and she smiled drowsily.

It was Christmas, one of her favorite times of the year. She was home with her family and she was so happy to be! She was so happy that her parents hadn't allowed her to stay at Hogwarts, and even though the holidays had gotten off to a bit of a rough start, things had improved. Her parents had decided to lay the subject of her letter aside for the time being, and with that looming threat of discovery and its consequences now put on the shelf, she'd been able to relax somewhat. She knew that the matter wasn't resolved; she knew that they would ask her again eventually, but at least she didn't have to worry about it in the immediate present.

Frankly, Em rued the day she'd decided to write that letter. If she'd known what hassles it would result in her being subjected to, she surely never would've written it. It seemed like her intention of remaining separate from her family for the sake of them not discovering her painful secret had had the opposite effect and made them get alarmingly close to eureka.

'At least Smiley has had the good sense not to write to me here,' she thought, staring at the ticking hand of her clock, which was displaying that it was just after six o'clock. 'Probably stockpiling the junk mail for when I go back to school.'

Em sighed at that thought, then gave her head a small shake. She didn't want to think about that stuff anymore. It was Christmas, for Pete's sake, peace on Earth and goodwill to men and all that. No room for the bad stuff, there shouldn't be, right? With a small smile, she rolled over and closed her eyes again, intending to drift back into sleep.

Unfortunately, that was not to be.

Because barely a minute later, her door flew open and a little someone with a curly brown head scampered across the room and landed on her with a laugh.

"Happy Christmas, Emerson! Wake up!"

Emerson groaned and rolled over, reaching for her covers to pull them over her head. Her grasping hands discovered that, as usual, she'd kicked them to the floor some time during the night.

"Shit," she muttered sleepily and heard her little brother gasp.

Crap. I mean, uh-oh.

"You said a bad word!" Budget said, sounding awed.

Em opened her eyes to look into their mirror images, which were widely staring at her. "No, I didn't, Budget," she lied. "I said 'sheet', like my blanket. Get my sheet, my blanket. It's on the floor over there."

Her brother frowned, his small brow furrowed exactly like Mum's, and Em could feel a grin coming on. He was so cute!

"Okay," he said finally, scrambling off the bed and grabbing the comforter.

"Lie down," Em told him and he did so, reluctantly, as she threw the blanket over the both of them. He snuggled up to her and Em almost began to think she might actually get back to sleep.

Almost.

Because, of course, it wasn't long before Luke began fidgeting, twitching, stretching, scratching himself, rolling over, tugging at her hair, kicking his legs.

"Budget," she whined. "Go back to sleep."

"I can't, Em," he whispered. "It's Christmas and my eyes are already unconscious."

Em smiled, her eyes still closed. "You mean your eyes are conscious."

"That's what I said."

"No, you didn't. You said unconscious."

Her eyes opened to see Luke frowning at her. "Did not."

She grinned. "Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"Ah-ha, gotcha!" Em giggled, tickling him and he giggled with her.

They lay quietly for another minute. Then-

"Em?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we go open presents now?"

Merlin, does this kid have a one-track mind or what? "We can't, Lukas. We have to wait for Mum and Dad, Ben and Vina to wake up too."

Barely ten seconds later, she heard her door open and close and her eyes squeezed shut in defeat as Ben, toting Davina, walked over to the bed and plopped down too.

"Happy Christmas!"

Davina laughed and jumped onto her sister, who couldn't help smiling as she hugged the wiggling little bundle. "Happy Christmas, you insane lot. And you win. Let me just brush my teeth then we'll go wake Mum and Dad."

By the time she, Ben, Luke and Davina were standing outside Ballynore's Master bedroom, though, Em couldn't deny that she was just as excited as her siblings. As they knocked on the door and heard the cheerful "Come in!", her troubles retreated further into the distance in the happiness and good cheer that Christmas brings to all who believe in its own unique magic.

"Happy Christmas!" the four Potter children chorused, and then they were all on the huge bed, hugging and kissing and being hugged and kissed. Her parents beamed at her and she felt like she would never be able to stop smiling. Oh, she loved them so much, all of them!

"Daddy, I want to open presents now!" Luke said loudly, literally writhing with anticipation.

Dad laughed. "You mean you don't want some Stiticky Buns?"

"Oh," Luke said, momentarily distracted and everybody laughed. Because Luke loved Mum's sticky cinnamon buns, and they always had some on Christmas morning before anything else. When he was first learning to talk, he'd mispronounced sticky as 'stiticky' and now they all called it that.

Mum chuckled, leaning over to ruffle Luke's already ruffled hair. "How about this, Luke - we'll have some Stiticky Buns with hot chocolate and then we'll go straight to opening gifts. How does that sound?"

"I think that sounds very good," Luke proclaimed solemnly, making everyone laugh again. "Let's go then!"

Em gave Vina a piggyback ride from the room as they all headed downstairs to the breakfast nook. Mum had kept the buns magically warm overnight in the oven, so they had that 'fresh from the oven' taste, without any impatient mouths having to wait too long.

The buns and hot chocolate vanished in short order and they all eagerly trooped to the family room, where the large Christmas tree was standing proudly, its skirt piled with brightly wrapped gifts.

They sat on the carpet facing it and Em sighed happily as she gazed at the tree. They'd all decorated it, and this year, Vina had been the one (with Dad holding her up) to position the large, serene angel on the top of the tree. It was kind of lopsided, but somehow it looked perfect and Em couldn't imagine it being placed any other-

"Emerson!"

She looked up, to see her whole family gazing at her expectantly. "Um, sorry?"

"I said, you get to go first," Dad said, smiling at her.

"Oh, okay."

And they were off and running. For the next hour or so, the room was punctuated by the crinkling and tearing of paper, the fumbling to get things open, the loud shouts of delight and "Whoa!", "Thank you so much! I love it!" as the wrapped pile under the tree dwindled.

Finally, it appeared that everything had been opened and Em beamed at the gifts she'd received. There were quite a bit of stuff, from both close and extended family, but her favorite was definitely the brand-new racing broom that her parents had gotten her. It was the very latest model and she held it gently on her lap, her fingers caressing the smooth polished handle reverently. She'd wanted this so much!

"Man, I'm so jealous," Ben moaned, staring at her broom. But he was grinning. He'd gotten almost everything he'd asked for, as well. Ben really had it good, anyway, what with his birthday being the week before Christmas. So this was his second time opening presents in as many weeks.

"Oh, I forgot the gifts from America!" Mum exclaimed suddenly, tearing her eyes away from the gorgeous black leather coat Dad had gotten her. She carefully folded the coat and put it back in its box, then hurried from the room. "I'll be right back!"

"Yay, more presents!" Luke exclaimed, his green eyes shining.

Ben and Vina expressed similar sentiments but Emerson was suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety. She'd forgotten that her grandparents in Dallas always sent Christmas presents for everyone, and she'd always anticipated and appreciated their gifts.

But this year... and Smiley... Em didn't like to think about her grandparents these days, knowing that it was because of her that they didn't have their daughter anymore. And they were obviously too good-hearted to hold a grudge.

No, they'd sent her a gift (and upon their arrivals, gifts to her siblings as well) every year without fail. Emerson found that this was one year that she wished that tradition had been broken.

But Mum was coming back into the room, levitating a large box ahead of her. She was opening the box, reaching inside and handing out cheerfully wrapped packages and things. She was placing a narrow, lightweight box into Em's hand, and what could Em do but smile and accept it?

Emerson was aware of everyone watching her, so she tried not to let her hands shake too much as she unwrapped the box and opened it. She gasped when she saw what it was and for a moment she couldn't move or blink or anything resembling those actions.

"What is it, Em?" Mum asked, coming over to look.

"I-It's a.. a necklace. Actually, a locket," she managed at last, reaching out to touch it. The locket was heart-shaped and both chain and locket were made of white gold. The left side of the front cover was inset with a pure round diamond. There were three parallel lines curving from top to bottom on the rest of the locket and each line was inset with, alternately, tiny diamonds and emeralds. It was beautiful.

Em reached out trembling hands to pick it up, managing to open it after fumbling for a few seconds. "It has a small heart-shaped emerald in one side and a picture frame in the other."

"Where's the picture?" Ben asked, frowning as he leaned over to look closer.

Emerson turned the box over and a small card fell out. Upon opening it, she read:


Dearest Emerson,

Merry Christmas! We hope you like this locket. Actually, we didn't pick it out; Julia did. She bought it for you herself, a few days after you were born. I don't know how she knew that the emerald would become so appropriate for you. Maybe because of your father, but somehow, she decided to get the emerald and it suits you so beautifully.

I know she would've loved to have been able to give it to you herself, but since she can't, this is for you, with the deepest of love. We love you, our little brown girl! Have a wonderful day and all the very best for the New Year.

Love,
Herb and Enigi (Your Papi and Maman)

P.S. Of course you can put any picture you like inside it, but we thought we'd send this one along, just in case. Love you!


Frowning slightly, Em looked around her lap. She hadn't seen a picture when she got the letter out. "Where's-"

"Oh, here it is!" Ben exclaimed, holding up a snapshot. "It's a Muggle one; it's not moving."

He handed it over to Em and she felt her heart begin to pound and a lump swell in her throat as she stared at it. The picture showed an exhausted-looking young woman, who was nevertheless sporting a beaming smile. She was holding in her arms a swaddled infant, of whom only a dark head was visible.

'She looks so happy,' Em thought, blinking rapidly. 'I wonder if she knew then that no matter what she did, she was going to die. I wonder if she regretted not fighting, not competing with me for her life? I wonder if she knew that the one she kept alive would turn around and cause her death.'

The picture fell from her hands as horror filled her being. She felt sick to her stomach, the delicious sticky buns and hot chocolate that she'd happily consumed earlier now revolting against her, churning around in her gut as if in revulsion.

Oh God, I'm so sorry.. Oh God, I'm so sorry..

"Emerson? Moppet, what's wrong? What are you sorry about?" her Dad asked, looking almost frightened and only then did Em realize that she'd been saying the words aloud, while tears poured down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed over and over again. "I'm so sorry!"

She felt her Mum's arms wrap around her and she buried her face in the sweet-smelling embrace and cried until she couldn't anymore. Her Mum rocked her gently, rubbing her back and Em finally calmed down, her tears abating. Knowing that an interrogation was inevitable, she pulled away and took a deep breath, bracing herself.

Glancing around through swollen eyes, she was momentarily surprised to see that she and Mum were alone. Obviously, Dad had taken Ben, Budget and Vina out of the room; it was the right thing to do. For one, almost anyone's tears could upset Vina too because she was so sensitive, and Em didn't want her baby sister to be upset on Christmas.

"Did I upset Vina?" she asked, glancing at Mum, who was watching her shrewdly.

Her mother shook her head. "No, she's fine. They all are. But you're obviously not."

Em didn't answer, just stared at the lopsided angel on the Christmas tree, wishing she was feeling whatever that angel was feeling that caused it to be smiling like that. Because surely it would be better than this heavy burden of guilt which she couldn't even dream of sharing.

"I know that if I were to ask what made you so upset just now, what you're sorry about, you wouldn't tell me," Mum continued, her voice soft and gentle. "But you have to know, you must know, Emerson, that we're here for you. I'm sure you know that there are ways of making you tell us, of forcing you to. But we love you and respect you too much to do that. We trust you, Emerson. And it would mean so much if you would trust us, too."

Em wiped at the fresh tears that threatened to spill over, swallowing hard. "I do trust you, Mum. And Dad too, of course. But really, I'm fine. I was just overwhelmed, that's all."

"But why were you saying you're sorry? And for what?" Mum asked, earnestly. She reached out and grasped Em's hands in her own. "Tell me."

Emerson stared into the brown eyes of the woman she considered her mother, the woman who had always been there for her, whom she could tell anything and she wanted to tell her.. she was going to tell her.. she was opening her mouth, to blurt out the truth, to share this burden, to lay down this load..

And the Ballynore Arrival chimes began to ring.

The sound startled her and she jerked. It was as if she'd snapped to her senses, out of the hypnosis that her mother's anxious brown eyes had induced her into. Her mouth snapped shut and she yanked her hands away, her heart pounding, prickly sweat erupting on her forehead, under her armpits.

What're you doing? What are you doing? No. You can't.. Vina..

Emerson shut her eyes, listening to the sound of her little sister's laughter, the sound of her brothers clamoring for the attention of their grandfather, whose arrival the chimes had heralded.

"Emerson?"

She looked over at her Mum and forced herself to smile. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine. I'm just being weird." She untangled her legs and stood up. "But Grandpa's here!"

And not waiting for an answer, she hurried from the room, into the happy excitement, still keeping that smile on her face. For a while, her brothers kept shooting her wary glances but once they realized that she wasn't going to burst into tears again, they relaxed and things pretty much went back to normal.

But not for Emerson. Not really. Her happiness had been polluted, and although her face and demeanor gave no indication (except perhaps to her parents, who kept watching her, looking worried), inside her heart cracked a little more every time she heard her brothers and her sister laugh.


********

The crackle of logs in the fireplace and the happy murmur of voices filled the large living room of the Burrow, and Harry Potter sighed. It was an ambivalent sigh, part happiness, part disquietude.

'It shouldn't be this way,' he couldn't help thinking, as he took in the predominantly cheerful atmosphere. 'I shouldn't be having mixed feelings. It's Christmas.'

And this Christmas had started off wonderfully enough. He'd been awoken that morning by the incredible sensation of Hermione doing unspeakable things to him with her mouth, under the covers. He'd pulled her up and for close to three-quarters of an hour afterwards, they'd been busy expressing their love to each other in that age-old dance from the dawn of humanity. Fulfilled at last, they'd showered together and gone back to their room. They'd put on fresh pyjamas and changed all the bedclothes. Then they'd cuddled, talking quietly, as they waited for their children to come and "wake them up".

Harry's heart had felt like it would explode with joy as he'd gazed at his children, smiling and chattering, enjoying each other's company. Little Davina's giggles.. his sons' laughter.. Emerson had looked the happiest he'd seen her since she'd been home for the holidays and he couldn't help beaming at her. She was so beautiful when she smiled and she'd been doing a lot of that this morning.

And then.. the presents from America.. and Em had burst into heartbreaking tears. Fervently, almost desperately, apologizing. For what? Why? Hermione had told him that she was sure Em had been about to confess whatever it was. But she'd managed to stop herself, and now, even though she tried to act like nothing was different, Harry knew, he could tell, that the girl from this morning was gone.

Harry shook his head in frustration. Something was troubling his daughter and he didn't know what it was. He wished he could-

"Daddy, look what I got!" Budget exclaimed, shoving a large box full of brand-new magic markers under his father's nose.

Harry laid his troubled thoughts aside for the time being and smiled down at his son. "That's great, Budget! Did you remember to thank the person who gave you the gift?"

"Thanks, Etienne!" Luke yelled. "This is humongously ace!"

Everybody laughed at such a huge word coming out of the small boy's mouth. Ron elbowed Harry with a grin. "See what your wife is doing to your sprogs?"

Raising his hands in mock-defeat, Harry gave a great sigh. "What can I do? You know how she is, bossy and-" He broke off with a yelp, while Hermione leaned back, looking innocent. He bent over to rub his shin where she'd kicked him and pretended to glare at her. "Wicked woman."

Ron laughed. "Luckily for me, I'm just the best mate, so she can't-OW!"

"Wrong answer, Ron. Cause I sure can," Hermione said, smiling sweetly before turning her attention to Davina, who was being frustrated by efforts to open her present. "Let me open this for you, baby."

"I can do it!" Davina exclaimed, moving the gift out of her mother's reach.

Hermione looked abashed while Harry and Ron snorted.

"Speaking of 'bossy'," Ron whispered, obviously trying to spare his legs from another lethal kick from his female best friend.

Harry laughed and leaned back in his chair, taking in the noisy chaos that was more than a dozen kids happily opening presents. The adults sat around nursing mugs of apple cider and occasionally exclaiming over the gifts that their offspring would shove in their faces.

This was another tradition that the Hogwarts friends had instigated upon starting their own families. It was a Christmas tradition for the children of the Trio that was Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley: to get together with the other Weasley grandchildren at the Burrow and exchange gifts. It did Harry's heart good to see his children being so showered, because he'd certainly never had that growing up. Not until Hogwarts.

At the same time, he knew that they really appreciated the gifts that they were receiving. Harry had always been wealthy (though one wouldn't know it from the first decade of his life, of course) and that had only increased once he survived to adulthood. Hermione was pretty well-off in her own right and the combined fortune of the Potters was such that none of the general public was quite sure what that total was.

But Harry and Hermione did not live lavishly. They lived in a very nice home, for sure, and drove a nice car, but nothing was done in excess. Their car, for instance, while it was a Jaguar, was nine years old and they intended to keep it for as long as it could provide efficient service.

Likewise, while their children never wanted for anything worthwhile, Harry and Hermione were determined that they learn to appreciate the value of hard work. Emerson and Ben both got allowances and if ever they wanted more than their allowance, they would have to earn it. Gifts were restricted to birthdays and Christmas, or for particularly momentous occasions. Because while Harry's children would never go to bed hungry, he would be damned if they would grow up to be spoiled brats with misguided senses of entitlement.

'Like Malfoy was at Hogwarts,' Harry mused silently, gazing at the blond-haired man who was cradling the baby doll that Theresa had placed in his arms. What a long way he had come, though. There was almost nothing in the character of the man with the doll to make one believe that he had once been the haughty, pointy-faced boy who had tried to make Harry's life hell at school.

"Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes," Hermione sang softly into his ear, and he turned to smile at her, marveling again at how mentally in tune with him she was.

"Yeah. He's come a long way, hasn't he?"

She nodded, gazing at Malfoy too. "He has. And we're all better for it."

"I don't know," Ron said, frowning slightly. "He can still be a git at times. And he will always be 'Ferret' to me."

The three of them glanced at each other and burst out laughing. After a few moments, they sighed and leaned back in companionable silence to take in the dying down of the gift openings. Once all the kids were lounging around happily with their new possessions and the ripped up wrapping papers had been Banished to the rubbish bin, Molly Weasley went around levitating a tray of sweet apple cider for the kids.

"How about some singing then?" she asked, once everyone had a drink in hand.

"Yeah!" the kids chorused.

"Jingle Bells!" cried Luke, sporting the grey-and-green knitted cap that had been Olivia's gift to him.

Harry and Hermione grinned at each other, knowing that Luke loved that one, particularly for the "Laughing all the way" part, which he would contribute to heartily.

After a raucous round of group singing, Ginny smiled and said, "How about you, Rory?"

Rory Weasley blushed. He was small and shy for his thirteen years, astonishing descriptors for any Weasley, much less for the son of the still-rambunctious George. But when he opened his mouth! When he opened his mouth, you were pinned to the spot, mesmerized, awed and touched by his resounding baritone.

"Go on, darling," Nina urged her vivid-haired son.

Upon taking a deep breath, Rory sang and, as usual, everyone was spellbound and speechless for a full minute after he ended. The applause and cheers made him blush so much that his whole head seemed to be ablaze. George could be seen wiping his eyes, beaming with pride at his only son.

Once they'd calmed down, Malfoy put down his mug and settled Abigail on his lap. "I'm rather particular to Em's voice, myself. How about a song for us, love?"

Harry looked over at Emerson and that sense of unease from earlier came flooding back to him. He'd been watching her during the gift openings and she'd been very subdued. Sure, she'd smiled and politely thanked everyone for her presents when she opened them. But the spark was missing and Harry knew he wasn't the only one who'd noticed. Perhaps Malfoy was trying to cheer her up, knowing how happy singing usually made her.

Emerson gave a small smile. She turned her head away and stared into the fire for so long that Harry thought she wasn't going to grant Malfoy's request. But at last, she began to sing in the clear, sweet soprano with which she'd been blessed. Her voice was suffused with such melancholy that Harry felt himself begin to choke up.

What Child is this who, laid to rest
On Mary’s lap is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping?

This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing;
Haste, haste, to bring Him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.

Harry hadn't realized that his daughter was crying until he heard her sniffle. Everybody sat still, even the youngest children, watching the firelight dance on her hair as she paused, composing herself.

Why lies He in such mean estate,
Where ox and horse are feeding?
Good Christians, fear, for sinners here
The silent Word is pleading.

The whole time she had stared into the fire but on that last line, she suddenly looked up and straight into Harry's eyes. He just knew she was trying to tell him something. But what?

"That was beautiful, Emerson," Molly said, wiping her eyes when Em had concluded the sweet, traditional Christmas hymn.

Others echoed the sentiments; Emerson wiped her eyes too and smiled weakly.

"I need to go potty," declared Davina and most everybody chuckled. The slightly somber mood was broken and from the way everyone was chattering again, Harry knew they didn't think much of Em's crying. They probably figured she'd been touched by the song, like they were.

But upon seeing the slight frown on Hermione's face as she stood up to take their youngest child to the bathroom, Harry knew he was not the only one who was aware that there was more to it than that.

Turning his attention back to his firstborn, Harry watched her trying to furtively wipe her eyes. His heart heavy, he went and sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulder. She let him hug her for a second before pulling away.

"What's wrong, Moppet?" he asked, trying to see her eyes.

She raised her head and looked at him. "I don't know."

And she sounded so lost and confused that Harry believed her.


*********

By the time the New Year rolled around, Emerson seemed to be doing a little better, though she never regained the level of gaiety that she had had on Christmas morning. And to Harry and Hermione's great frustration, they were still no closer to discovering what was bothering their daughter. Emerson resisted every and all efforts to make her open up, and Hermione was beginning to wonder whether her husband was really only joking when he talked about spiking Em's drink with Veritaserum.

Granted, they did have a little more information to go on. It wasn't hard for them to deduce that perhaps, it wouldn't be remiss for them to look into an American angle to Emerson's troubles. Judging from Em's response to her grandparents' gift, it would have been folly not to do so. Maybe something had happened in Dallas? But why would it wait until now to manifest itself and what could it possibly be? It didn't make any sense, but in their 'Thank You' letter to Herb and Enigi, they'd carefully inquired. Hopefully, the Thomases would be able to offer some insight.

Additionally, after the end of the Christmas evening gathering at the Burrow, Hermione had had a chance to talk to the eldest Weasley grandkids, the ones who were at Hogwarts with Em. Etienne told her that Em had cut classes at least once, and that he knew for a fact that she wasn't bothering with homework in a few subjects. Marc and Marissa spoke about how temperamental Emerson had become, prone to flying off the handle and red-facedly apologizing later.

And all of them spoke of her tears. That she cried a lot lately, giving weak excuses but never really answering their questions. On Boxing Day, at Woodhaven, Brandon Wood told Hermione that Em had been crying in the Gryffindor common room the night before she came home for the holidays. He'd assumed that it was problems with her dorm mate, Jerrianne Youngleer, that had made her upset but he couldn't be sure.

But all of those were products, all effects of whatever it was, and none of them had any idea what the cause was. At their aunt and uncle's request, the teenagers all racked their brains trying to think of anything unusual that had happened to Emerson at school. Anything at all that could've caused her to be changing so much in such a short period of time, and in such a negative way.

But there wasn't anything out of the ordinary, not that they could think of.

Marissa had vocalized what all of them were thinking. "You know who you should talk to? Carolyna Lupin. If anybody could know, she would. The two of them are as inseparable as ever."

"Yeah," Harry said, when Hermione mentioned it to him. "Carolyna. That's who we need to talk to."

Hermione sighed. "But the whole Lupin family is still in Wiesbaden, Germany, remember? Tonks told me that they planned to be back by January second, which was yesterday. But apparently, her father's relatives managed to convince them to stay another week. So now, we'll be lucky if we manage to talk to Carolyna for five minutes before they board the Hogwarts Express to school next week. Since, of course, it's unthinkable for us to interrupt the poor girl's holiday with stuff like this. Besides, I don't know if she would be honest with us. Remember her response to that letter I sent?"

"Yeah."

Hermione sighed. Before the beginning of the Christmas holiday, she had sent a letter to Carolyna, asking her if she knew of anything negative that had happened to Emerson at school. Lyna had written back that no, there wasn't anything, unless one counted struggles with their dormmates. Somehow, Hermione knew that Carolyna wasn't being truthful, but she hadn't had a chance to talk to her in person.

Harry made a sound of frustration, rubbing the back of his unruly head. "But why does Emerson have to be so stubborn? What does she think will happen if she talked to us? Why is she so stubborn, Hermione?"

Because she is your daughter, and you're exactly the same way.

But Hermione didn't say the thought out loud. He didn't need to hear something like that right now, not when he was already so vexed. Instead, she reached up to rub his neck muscles, which were hard with tension. He groaned softly, his eyes drifting shut, but they flew open again when they heard Emerson's voice drifting in from the other room.

She was singing something, wordlessly, but it wasn't humming. Rather, she was vocalizing long, wavering notes in what seemed like no discernible pattern. Hermione's hand dropped away from Harry's neck as he leaned back, listening. Perhaps Em wasn't aware that they could hear her because there was a completely unguarded quality, a vulnerability, about her voice when she finally broke into words.

Your eyes seek conclusion in all this confusion of mine
Though you and I both know,
It's only the warm glow of wine

Hermione felt Harry glance over at her and turned to look back at him. He was eyeing her quizzically and she shrugged.

That's got you to feeling this way
But I don't care; I want you to stay
Just hold me and tell me
You'll be here to love me today

Harry's look had changed from puzzlement to alarm as he stared in the direction of their daughter's voice. His head whipped around to frown at Hermione, his eyes wide. "Isn't she rather young to be singing something like that?"

Strangely, Hermione felt a strong urge to giggle but she could see that her husband was genuinely disturbed. His little girl was growing up and perhaps, before, he hadn't really gotten what that meant. But it was as if he'd suddenly had an epiphany that he didn't like very much.

"Don't worry about it," she said gently, reaching out to pat his hand. "She's just singing. I'm sure she doesn't mean it like that."

Harry didn't look convinced and it didn't help that right then, their daughter was passionately warbling that:

Who cares what the night watchmen say?
The stage has been set for the play.
Just hold me and tell me
You'll be here to love me today.

Harry seemed suddenly agitated, no doubt visions racing through his head of all the one-track-minded males of the world lining up to pursue his newly-adolescent daughter. Hermione could practically see him formulating ways of protecting her, ticking off the checklist: house arrest, Impedimenta barrier, boarding school- shit, scratch that, she's already at boarding school!

"We need to talk to her about that stuff," he burst out suddenly, looking positively terrified at the thought.

She tried really hard not to smile. "It's okay. I already did. And you don't need to worry about her in that regard, at all. She's very mentally mature for her age even though, physically, she's not a woman yet."

His brow furrowed, then cleared. "You mean-"

"Yeah. It hasn't happened yet. But I've already talked to her about all those things."

The look of relief that crossed his face was swiftly followed by one of anxiety. "But maybe she needs a male perspective. You know.. I mean.. it's blokes who will be after her, so she should hear from a man..."

"You don't have to do that," she repeated gently. "She understands."

"Yes, but still-" he broke off, staring in what could only be described as terror in the direction of the room where his twelve year old daughter was now singing about poets demanding their pay and being left with nothing to say:

'Cept hold me and tell me
You'll be here to love me today.

And somehow Hermione knew that Harry would, in spite of all her assurances, overcome his anxiety and talk to Em about "those things". The man was stubborn, just like his daughter, who had now, through no fault of her own, given him one more thing to worry about.

Even as she resolutely resisted easing their minds about the biggest thing of all.


**********

Later that same night, Emerson was sitting on the porch swing, watching the snow drifting down before her eyes. Everything sounded muffled to her ears, even though she could see the bare branches of the trees whipping around in the wind. Neither could she feel even a puff of said doubtless chilly wind. The entire porch was Charmed so that rain, heat or snow, it was nevertheless a safe and comfortable place to lounge.

Em tucked her legs under her and sighed. She wished she could talk to Lyna. The one source of comfort she had in this whole mess was that she had her best friend. Sometimes she did wish that Lyna didn't know about the letters, because that way Em would be free of one more person pressuring her to own up. And there was, of course, the added threat of Lyna spilling the beans to some adult. Although, owing to Emerson's tearful begging, Lyna had feigned ignorance in response to Mum's sleuthing letter. Quite frankly, Em was sure she would have buckled long ago if she didn't have Carolyna to talk to.

'Even though, lately, you aren't being completely honest with her,' a little voice said in her head.

Frowning, she shook her head, not wanting to think about that. Her friend wouldn't be home until the day before their journey back to school, so she was stuck with the burden, all by herself. Not that that was any different than usual, anyway. This was her mess and she had no idea how to clean it up, or even if it was possible for it to be cleaned up.

The sliding doors opened and she turned to see her father walking towards her. Emerson closed her eyes and suppressed a sigh. Oh Circé, couldn't she ever get a break? Couldn't she even have one day free from harassment?

The swing dipped as her father sat down on the other end and Em opened her eyes to glance at him. Maybe it was her imagination but he seemed somewhat nervous. The next second, she mentally scoffed. Since when did her Dad get nervous?

"Lovely night, isn't it?" he said, gesturing at nothing in particular. The swirling snow, she presumed.

"Um, yeah," she said, shooting him a puzzled glance.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes and he kept glancing at her and repeatedly cleaning his glasses. Em felt steadily more uneasy. Had he, somehow, found out something? Had he-

"What's your opinion on boys?" her Dad asked suddenly, as if the words had simply leapt from his throat.

My opinion on- oh! That's why he seems nervous! She hid a grin as relief washed over her. For a minute there, she'd thought he'd found out her secret. And he couldn't. He mustn't. "They're okay, I guess," she said, shrugging. "Why?"

Her Dad fidgeted. "Well- you're.. well, you're at the, er, age when.. um, certain feelings.. er-"

And all of a sudden, Em felt a rush of love for her father. He was so uncomfortable and yet, he was still trying to do it. "Dad, are you trying to talk to me about sex?"

She knew he was probably red-faced and was glad that it was night, because she was blushing too. As much as she loved her Dad, there were just some things that were simply unfathomable to discuss with him. And this was one of them.

"It's okay. Mum already did," she said softly, her insides writhing with mortification.

She felt rather than heard him sigh, from relief most likely, and for the next few minutes, they sat in silence.

"Emerson?"

She turned. He was looking at her with an odd expression. "If you ever have any questions, about anything, you know you don't have to hesitate to ask. You know that, right?"

She nodded, even as she knew there were some questions she would never ask him; questions that were plaguing her right this moment, that had to do with her very existence. But no need to make him worry. "I know. Thanks, Dad."

Again, they sat in now comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

"By the way, who's Jerrianne Youngleer?" Dad said, looking over at her.

Emerson sighed. "Oh, just a girl in my class who has her nose stuck so far up in the air, it's a wonder she doesn't drown when it rains."

Her father laughed out loud for a good minute and Em felt a warm glow spread through her whole being. "She's in Gryffindor?" he asked, chuckling.

"Yeah, and that blows. She hates me. Which doesn't exactly break my heart, cause I can't stand her either." Em shrugged and tried to hold back a yawn. She should probably go to bed soon, even though that surely meant terrorism by nightmares. But she didn't really want to go. For the first time since September, she seemed to be having a smooth conversation with her father and she didn't want it to break up yet.

"Well, Malfoy and I used to be that way and look at us now," Dad was saying.

"This is different," Em replied dubiously. "At least you two were in different houses. You didn't have to be around each other the majority of the time. No, I don't think this one is destined to change and that's perfectly fine with me. Just what kind of friend could she possibly be? God knows, I already-" Her words died abruptly, as her heart suddenly began to pound, an odd ringing erupting in her ears.

She'd almost mentioned Smiley. She'd almost placed her brothers and sister, innocently sleeping in the house at her back, into the hands of someone who hated them. Because of her. What was wrong with her, anyway?

"You already what?" her father asked and she could feel him watching her intently.

Striving hard to hide how shaken she was, Emerson shrugged. "Nothing. But I think I'll go to bed now. I'm rather tired." Jumping up, she pecked him quickly on the cheek. "Night, Dad."

And not waiting for a response, before he could question her further, she had crossed the porch and slipped inside the comfortable house. She headed straight for her room, locked the door and collapsed weakly on her bed.

She didn't move for a long time, as the tears rolled sideways across her face to plop annoyingly into her ears. And the thought that was taking precedence in her mind was that even though she was in a house full of warm and loving people, she had never ever felt more alone.


**********

"Are you sure you have everything?" Hermione asked Em on the morning that the young girl would be returning to school aboard the Hogwarts Express. Hermione was concerned about her daughter, who was looking like she hadn't had a wink of sleep all night. Her eyes were red and there were dark circles under them.

Em smiled tightly. "Yeah, I'm sure. But I need to use the loo first, before we go."

"Okay, we'll wait for you in the car," Hermione said.

After five minutes, though, when Em still hadn't come out, Hermione went back inside. Upon reaching the bathroom door, she raised her hand to knock but paused when she heard what sounded like muffled sobs coming from within. Alarmed, she quickly rapped on the door. "Emerson? Are you alright?"

The sobs ceased abruptly, and Hermione heard water begin to run. Checking the doorknob, she realized that it was unlocked and opened the door. Her daughter was leaning over the sink, splashing water onto her face. She closed the door behind her and walked over. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Em looked up at her, her eyes puffy and suddenly launched herself into her mother's arms. Startled, Hermione hugged her, feeling the young girl shaking. What was going on? Oh please, God, what was wrong? What was happening to her daughter?

"I don't w-want to go back to s-school," Emerson sobbed, clinging to her and Hermione wanted to cry at the utter misery permeating her daughter's voice.

"Why not, sweetheart? Please tell me. Let me help," she pleaded, desperately.

She felt Em stiffen slightly and pull away. She watched her daughter wipe her eyes with shaking hands and gather her hair back from her face. And Hermione knew that Em wasn't going to tell her. Even with all the anguish she seemed to be enduring, the girl still refused to share it, still refused to trust them with whatever it was that was hurting her.

The ride to King's Cross was tense and strained, Harry and Hermione both having strong senses of foreboding. But they hugged her good-bye, watched Em crying into Vina's hair, grinning through her tears at Budget, whispering something into Ben's ear that made him grin too.

They didn't get a chance to talk to Carolyna Lupin, since she arrived late with barely two minutes to spare. So that part was a bust. Now they could only hope that their request to the Hogwarts Professors (and the Weasley grandkids) to please keep an eye on their daughter and report any unusual activity to them immediately would provide some answers.

Before it was too late.

"I love you guys," Em said with a watery smile, just as the huge scarlet engine began to move. The train picked up speed, moving away and Hermione had a sudden irrational urge to jump forward and grab Emerson away from it. To keep her at home, where she would be safe.

But safe from what? Or was it, from whom? And why?


******

End Notes:

Angsty, eh? :)

1. The line "If you two kissed Jerrianne's arse any harder, you'd be drawing blood" is adapted from one uttered on a recent "Saturday Night Live" episode.

2. The little poem that Em and Brandon recite ("Happiness is being home for Christmas") is something I memorized from a Christmas card when I was a very little girl. I know, I'm weird.

3. The locket that Em receives from her grandparents is inspired by this one: http://www.classic-charms.com/14kheartlocket19.html

4. "What Child Is This?" is a traditional Christmas hymn.

5. The other song that Em sings is "Be Here To Love Me" by Norah Jones. Actually, whenever I imagine Emerson singing, it's Norah Jones's voice that I hear in my head :) She's awesome!

6. Finally, please review!

A/N: Thank you to everyone for those lovely reviews of chapter 16. I really appreciate it very, very much! And I promise that it won't be very long before Harry and Hermione find out, I promise! Stay with me, y'all - and expect the angst meter to inch deep into the red, before that moment arrives. There will be, of course, bouts of humor and/or.. ahem.. heat, while y'all wait :)

The title of this chapter (as well as the lyrics at the end) are from the song "Underneath" by the band, Hanson (and yes, they're the reason for my author name, if anyone wonders.)

And, as always, many, many thanks to Liss for the wonderful beta. Your help and suggestions are invaluable. Thank you kindly.


Chapter Seventeen - Underneath


Dear Merry,

Hey! How're you doing? I hope this finds you well. Did you have a good Christmas? Mine went well; it was great being home again and I won't deny that I got some very nice presents! And Happy New Year, of course.

How's Blake? I swear, he's one of the cutest babies I've ever seen and he was so sweet too! He must be so big now, right? Give him a kiss and a cuddle for me and say hi to Dave as well. Oh, and Lyna says hello! We had so much fun with you guys in Dallas. Hopefully one day, we can visit again. Maybe I'll get another piercing. Haha, just kidding! Or maybe you and Dave and Blake could come visit us here.

I'm back at school now, and I'm sure you know how that is. Makes me wonder, did you and Julia ever have any enemies at school? If so, how did you deal with them? I don't think me and this particular classmate will ever be friends. Did Julia ever know anybody like that, that she never became friends with, even after becoming adults? Honestly, some people. The concept of even having occasional civilized conversations with them is just unfathomable.

Gotta go. I'm writing this in History of Magic and I'm supposed to be taking notes... booorrrinng. Hope to hear from you soon!

Love,
Emerson


********

Smiley,

Hope you don't mind my calling you that, especially since I don't even know your name. Seeing as how you never bothered to share that basic piece of information. But then again, you never use my name in your letters.

I've read every single thing you sent me, even when I didn't want to, and I haven't told anyone about the letters. In other words, I've been good. Since you're supposed to be my "teacher", doesn't that count for something? Don't I get credit or a sticker or something?

I would like to know who you are. Why are you writing to me? If you knew Julia, you must have known about me from the very beginning. Why did you choose to start writing to me now? Have I done something to you that I'm not aware of? Your letters haven't exactly been nice to me, and it's very unfair that I don't even know who seems to hate me so much and what I did to make you hate me in the first place.

I don't think this is asking too much. I promise I won't tell anyone your name. I'm sorry for whatever it was that I did to upset you, which is a very wide statement, isn't it? Cause I don't even know you! Or do I?

I hope you'll answer my request. Thank you.

Emerson Potter

******

"I hope this works," Emerson said worriedly to Lyna, as they watched the small grey owl soar away.

It was their second day back at school and the girls were in the Owlery. The plan had popped into Emerson's head fully-formed at dinner last night. There hadn't been a letter from Smiley on the first day, contrary to her fears, but she knew it wouldn't be long before one would arrive.

After the ordeal that was Christmas, with fighting her parents' efforts to make her open up, Emerson was extremely angry at Smiley. And that wasn't even the fucker's real name, was it? She deserved to, at the very least, know who was writing to her. If she was going to go through all this shit, didn't she have that basic right?

But how to go about contacting the letter writer? Every single one of the owls always took off within a minute of dropping their post. With no return address nor - it went back to that issue! - a friggin' name to send a letter to, there seemed to be no way at all.

Strangely, it was Marc Weasley who gave her the idea.

The sixth year had been attempting to discreetly hex another of Marissa's potential suitors but had instead caught a wayward moth that had the misfortune of getting in the spell's line of fire. The results were intriguing, if not a little gross, to say the least, but Em had jumped up and grabbed Carolyna's hand to steer her somewhere private.

"What if I could Petrify the next owl that delivers a letter from Smiley?" Em had blurted as soon as they were alone.

Lyna gaped at her as if she'd spoken gibberish. "Um.. what?"

"The owl, Lyna! What if I could Petrify the owl? If I then tied a letter to the owl, wouldn't it go back to the person who sent it?"

Her friend frowned. "I don't know. Couldn't that hurt the owl?"

"Frankly, I'm not really concerned about that right now," Emerson said, somewhat irritably. "I need to get a letter back to this person, Lyna. I have to know who this is."

Carolyna looked at her with that expression that Em knew signaled another spinning of the record entitled: "No, Baby, You Got to Tell an Adult!"

"Don't say it, Carolyna, please," Em said pleadingly, before her friend could open her mouth. "I can't deal with it right now, okay? Just tell me, do you think it would work?"

She watched her friend walk over to the window ledge and perch on the edge. For a minute, Em thought Lyna wasn't going to say anything at all but then she nodded. "It could. But wouldn't everyone want to know what you're doing, Petrifying an owl at the breakfast table?"

Relief washed over Em as she hurried over to stand in front of the other girl. "Yeah, they would. But I figured, I would skip breakfast and the owl will have to come find me wherever I happen to be. I was thinking the Owlery, cause then it wouldn't be suspicious for an owl to be entering there. Will you help me?"

"Of course I will, Em. How can you even ask?" her friend said softly and Emerson smiled at her.

They put the plan into action immediately after dinner. Emerson wrote the letter and put it in her bag. The next day at breakfast time, she and Lyna parted ways; Em went to the Owlery to wait for Smiley's letter and Lyna went to the Great Hall to grab some toast and fruit.

Waiting in the Owlery, at first Emerson had felt mildly exhilarated. At last, she was doing something! Instead of just sitting back and taking it, she was being proactive. She was trying to get to the bottom of this painful mess, the first step of which involved finding out this person's identity.

She'd already tried another tack in that quest, with her letter to Merry. Since Smiley went on and on so negatively about Julia, Em figured that they'd known each other at school. And if Smiley had known Julia, she had to have known Merry too. So maybe Merry would know. Of course she couldn't just come out and ask Merry if there was anybody at school with them who could possibly have hated Julia enough to be so mean to Julia's daughter, who hadn't ever done anything to him/her.

But after almost fifteen minutes of sitting on the floor beside one of the open windows, watching various owls come and go, she'd begun to worry about her plan. She'd cleared the ground of owl droppings and animal bones before she sat, and had made sure to sit out of the line of fire of any fresh deposits, but how long could she stay there? What if she missed the owl when trying to cast the spell? What if an owl didn't come at all?

The sack of despair which weighed worlds was beginning to overwhelm her already bruised and battered psyche when her best friend arrived, and Em had honestly never been so glad to see her before. They sat in tense silence for another ten minutes before another rush of wings made them look up.

"There's another one coming in," Lyna had said, peering at the bird that was coming steadily closer from the other side of the room. "And- does it- yes! It has a letter tied to its leg!" She turned around to look back at Em. "Get ready."

Emerson nodded, wiping her suddenly sweaty hands on her robes and gripping her wand tighter. The owl, a small grey one, swooped over the overhanging beam in a rush, Emerson raised her wand, pointed it and shouted, "Petrificus Totalus!"

The bird froze in mid-flight and began to fall, but Lyna caught it before it could hit the ground. The two girls crowded around it, Emerson's heart pounding from both nerves and the thrill of success. With trembling hands, she untied the letter from the owl's leg and opened it to check that it really was from the mysterious letter writer.

It was and she heaved a sigh of relief. "Keep holding him, Lyna, just in case the charm wears off or something," she said hurriedly, as she fumbled inside her bag for the letter she'd written.

She tied her letter to the bird's leg, trying to ignore the way the big, shocked eyes regarded her; as if she was violating it or something. But then again, owls always have big, shocked eyes, she told herself.

After tucking a Sickle into the bird's purse, she looked it straight in its huge eyes and said, "Take this letter back to the person who sent you. And sorry about this, okay?" She quickly removed the Petrificus Charm, the bird sprang to life with an indigant squawk, gave them both a cuff with its wings and hightailed it out of the Owlery.

Em sighed. "I hope this works," she repeated, and her friend smiled sympathetically and draped a hand over her shoulder.

"I'm sure it will, don't worry. C'mon, though, let's get out of here. I don't fancy eating breakfast with owl poop all over the place," Lyna said softly, and Emerson allowed herself to be led from the room, silently praying that her plan would work. For the better, because she was tired. She was so tired of fighting. Tired of her sadness, of her emotions. She was so tired of being tired.

And she wanted to be free. Again.

"Eat up," Lyna urged her, shoving a piece of buttered toast into Em's hand. "We only have fifteen minutes till class, and remember we have to climb a ridiculous number of stairs to get there."

Emerson took a bite of her toast and tried not to think about the grey owl winging its way to the evil bastard (or was it bitch?) who was harassing her. What kind of satisfaction could this person possibly be getting out of this, anyway? How could someone have such an empty existence that they felt the need to torment a twelve year old girl? Really, the nerve of some people!

"-but then we went to the town of Bremen," Lyna was saying in an overly-cheerful voice. Em knew her friend was trying to distract her from her morose thoughts. "Remember the story? The one with the animals who made music to scare off robbers?"

"Yeah," Em answered.

Lyna smiled. "They have this statue up of the animals, holding their instruments and everything. It was actually kind of creepy, to tell the truth."

"Why?"

Her friend didn't answer and after a few seconds, Em looked over at her. Lyna was frozen in the act of taking a bite out of a shiny green pear, her eyes wide. Following her gaze, Em saw what had so arrested her friend, and couldn't resist cracking a wide grin. Ravenclaw fourth year Davis Chapman was striding towards them, obviously on his way to class.

Em thought Davis looked rather bland, with his porcelain skin, pale eyebrows and eyelashes, ash blond hair. But he had incredibly dark eyes, made all the more startling because of his light features. So she could sort of see why her best friend thought he was cute.

The older boy drew abreast of them and Lyna gave a tiny squeak. It was clear to Em that her friend wouldn't be able to muster the nerve to speak to him, and she knew Lyna would kick herself for it later.

Coming quickly to a decision, she took matters into her own hands. "Hey. You're Davis Chapman, right?"

Davis looked surprised, his eyes landing first on Emerson then sliding over to Carolyna. And lingering. "Yeah, I am. You're Anna Lupin's sister, aren't you?" he said, addressing the stupefied brunette.

Lyna nodded mutely and blushed crimson, the pear clutched tightly in her hand.

Emerson suppressed a surprised snicker at Davis's complete dismissal of her, so captivated by Carolyna was he!

"Cool," he said, looking at Lyna and they probably would've continued staring at each other indefinitely, if Em hadn't cleared her throat.

"Erm.. we have.. y'know.. class?"

Davis seemed to come to himself with a jerk, and he looked at Em as if only just realizing that she was there. "Oh, yeah. Well, I guess I'll see you around, Carolyna. Emerson."

He turned and half-walked, half-jogged away and with a smirk, Em watched her friend watch his retreating back.

"Damn, girl! You have it bad!" she said with a laugh.

Lyna groaned. "Oh, kill me now, Em, please!"

"What on earth for?"

"I couldn't even say one word to him! He must think I'm a complete retard!"

Em laughed and threw a hand over her shoulder. "Are you kidding me? Words weren't needed, Lyna! Your eyes were doing the talking. And from the way he was staring, I do believe he got the message loud and clear, and didn't mind what he heard either."

Her friend looked at her, her face a mixture of embarrassment and hope. "You think so?"

"Of course I think so, Carolyna Lupin! The bloke didn't even notice I was there. If he doesn't like you back, I'll kiss Moaning Myrtle and you know I can't stand her. Always crooning on about how I could've been her and Dad's love child. And it's not funny!"

Her best friend's slightly giddy laughter propelled Emerson all the way to the Transfiguration classroom. And for a while, for a brief, blessed while, she forgot the sack that weighed worlds which she carried woefully upon her young shoulders.


******

Cristella could not believe her eyes when, upon hearing a tap, tap on her window, she looked up to see the small grey owl that she'd sent that morning hovering outside the glass. Glancing around to make sure that she was alone, she grabbed her wand and locked and soundproofed her office. Her boss wasn't in yet, and none of the young interns would dare barge into the room without her verbal consent.

Letting the owl in, she untied the letter from its leg and the bird rapidly took off, as if afraid that it would be forced into service again if it lingered.

But the woman didn't notice. Her blue eyes were glued to the piece of parchment that she held in her hand, and as she read the words written in the fat, looping cursive of Emerson Potter, she had to sit down. She had to sit down because if she remained standing, surely the vast tidal surge of emotion that consumed her would have knocked her swiftly to the floor.

She laid the letter on her desk and gaped, open-mouthed. For the first few seconds, surprise, fear, shock and disbelief warred for dominance inside her head, but in the end, the victor wasn't any of them. In the end, the emotion which consumed her was rage.

Pure, undulated rage.

How dare- that little brat- that- Cristella's hands shook in her fury. Never had she imagined that Emerson Potter would find a way to contact her! She had deliberately done things this way, never sharing her name; instructing the owls to leave immediately after their deliveries. This closed system of logic allowed no input or criticism from her target, no defense, hence ensuring the development of feelings of powerlessness, fear and dependency.

And now this-

Infuriated, the woman grabbed the large crystal paperweight on her desk and flung it with all her might. It collided with the framed picture of London's skyline that hung on the opposite wall, and the sound of glass connecting fatally with glass yanked her back to her senses.

No, she couldn't lose it like this. Not now. She'd come too far. "Get a hold of yourself, Cristella. Calm down."

She leaned back and closed her eyes, taking deep, cleansing breaths, willing the blood to stop its frantic pounding in her ears, the sweat to evaporate from her brow. Slowly, her manic attack subsided and her hands stopped shaking.

She opened her eyes again and picked up the parchment. Forcing herself to continue breathing deeply, she reread the short missive, noting the wording, the slight belligerence of the young girl with such nerve.

Oh, she had known it! She'd known it all along that Emerson Potter was exactly like the woman who had given her birth. That same haughtiness, that same superiority that shone through any medium-

I would like to know who you are.

"As if just because she would like that, I'm just going to scramble to satisfy her, to indulge her, to cater to her," Cristella muttered darkly, her features twisted into a murderous scowl. Her eyes scanned the parchment, rereading certain lines repeatedly. "I haven't told anyone... I won't tell anyone your name. Really? Anyone?"

If someone had been present to witness it, they would've been chilled to the marrow by how swiftly the look of murder on the woman's face morphed into a sickening smile. Because she'd just realized something. That pompous little girl had just given her a reason to use something hard-earned that she'd been sitting on. She hadn't intended to use it yet, had been saving it as some kind of future pièce de résistance.

But the time seemed to be ripe for it. The girl clearly wasn't learning her lesson. So, time for harsher measures. Time for the brutal, unvarnished truth.

Beginning tomorrow.


******

To Emerson's surprise, Merry's response came the very next day. It was a very pleasant letter, full of news about Merry's infant son, Blake, but completely devoid of anything useful towards Em's quest. Merry had simply said not to worry herself with such things, or with people who made one feel down.

'Fat lot of help that was,' Em thought dejectedly, folding the letter. Although she couldn't help but smile as she gazed at the image of the chubby, blond baby that laughed and kicked in the picture Merry had sent.

She was feeling tense and anxious because this was her third day back at school, which definitely meant it was a Bashing Day. Smiley would surely have gotten her letter by now. Would the letter writer grant her request? Would she finally find out the identity of her tormentor? She couldn't help hoping, even as she told herself not to do that very thing.

Emerson could barely eat her breakfast, so big was the lump of dread in her throat as she awaited the inevitable owl. Perhaps it was her imagination, but it seemed that almost all her Weasley "cousins" were watching her more or less intently, and she tried hard not to seem abnormal in any way. She didn't think she could deal with another interrogation right now.

Breakfast passed without any owl arriving, but that didn't put Em at ease at all. In fact, it made her even more apprehensive, because didn't that mean Smiley was being extra careful with what he or she sent? Em tried her hardest to get through her day, even as she kept straining her ears for the sound of wings headed her way.

It wasn't until classes had ended and she was in her room changing out of her school robes that she noticed the bird hovering at her window. Her heart suddenly went into overdrive and her hands shook madly as she opened the latch to let the owl in. She unfastened the envelope, which felt thicker than usual, and the bird sped away so fast, it was almost a blur.

"You have been warned, eh?" Emerson murmured sardonically, watching the speck disappear behind the tree line of the Forbidden Forest.

With a sigh, she climbed onto her bed and closed the hangings. Carolyna had gone to a meeting of her Gobstones club immediately after their last class and likely wouldn't be back for another hour, at least.

'If I were on the Quidditch team, I'd likely be in practice right now,' Em thought sadly, as she stared at the as yet unopened envelope. She tried to see how long she could go without opening it and found that she couldn't even last five minutes before she was tearing the seal.

Pathetic. It's as if I'm addicted to this shit. Like Olivia and her fags.

The thought upset her so much that angry tears rolled down her cheeks before she had even unfolded the letter. She wiped them away but as she began to read, they began coming faster and furiously.


Kiddo,

I got your letter. And first, I must commend you on discovering a way to get in touch with me. I have never intended for you to be able to do that, and rest assured that you will never succeed again.

With that said, who do you think you are? That little stunt you pulled is exactly the reason for my efforts to educate you, which sadly, seem to have been in vain thus far. Because, had my lessons been effective, you would never have thought yourself so lofty as to make the request of me that you made. You had no right to ask me such a thing. I am your elder, your superior. I decide what you will learn, and when. I decide if you will be rewarded, how and how much.

And while, perhaps, I might've been considering such an action, your pomposity just cost you any such thing. For a long time, if ever.

Now, I must address something you said in your letter. You said that you haven't told anyone about my correspondence to you. See, I knew you had a problem with elevating yourself, which is sad, considering that you have nothing to elevate. You are an impure product, contaminating the very people who have erroneously embraced you as family. I have tried and tried to impart that to you, but I'm still not sure if you have deigned to grasp it.

But, from your letter, I've deduced that you also are a liar. Though why I was surprised by that discovery, I do not know. Perhaps I was trying to think something good of you? But you said you haven't told anyone about my letters. Really? Do you think I'm a fool? Is that what you think? Do you think I don't know about one Carolyna Lupin? Or, oh! Could it possibly be that you don't consider Carolyna to be important enough to be counted as "anyone"?

Have you really not told anyone about the letters? Because I know for sure that you've told Carolyna Lupin. So which is it? Are you a bold-faced liar - or are you so arrogant that you don't consider the girl who sticks with you despite your impurity as "anyone"?

Do you see what I have to deal with? Is it fair to the Lupin girl, to be devoting so much of herself, her time and energy to someone so ungrateful? Think about it.

Now, enclosed is something that I sincerely hadn't wanted to ever send you. But your transgressions merit it being sent. It is for your own good. Read it and learn from it, to quote my first letter.

You will be hearing from me sooner than you think. Oh, and I saw your brothers at school the other day. "Budget" is very cute, isn't he? It would be very sad if that had to change.


"Oh my God, oh my God," Emerson sobbed repeatedly, curling into a ball on her bed, clutching her stomach.

She was numb, she was in pain, she was weightless, suffocating, drowning, all at the same time, weighed down by the sack. Which had swelled beyond the weight of worlds, fast approaching the weight of universes, galaxies, infinity.

Smiley knew. Smiley knew about Lyna. Smiley knew about Budget. Only closest family and friends knew the nickname and called him that. How had Smiley found out? How had this monster gotten so close to her family?

'You know how,' a cold voice hissed inside her head. 'It's because of you.'

No! It- I won't think it!

Blindly trying to distract herself, Emerson fumbled with the other document that had been enclosed by the letter writer. In her distress, she tore a long corner of the paper but not before she saw that it appeared to be some sort of medical chart.

The horror swelled within her as she took in the barely legible words that Julia's doctor had scrawled. About how his patient was being supremely difficult, "letting her emotions rule her head with ideas that are neither practical nor feasible". About how his patient was ignoring his instructions, convinced that the life she carried within her deserved to live. "Patient doesn't seem to realize that the life she carries doesn't have much of a chance if she herself loses her life. Which seems more and more the likely outcome."

Emerson was crying harder than she ever had before, but her eyes refused to leave the paper, refused to stop the influx of horrific information that was so bluntly scribbled on the parchment before her. She could do nothing but keep reading, to the very end.

"Patient delivered a surprisingly healthy infant, but the battle is almost surely lost for the patient herself. We waited too long. Patient would've had a dramatically better chance if she had followed my first suggestion: abortion."

"Time of Death: 22:38. 09/28/06. File Closed."

Abruptly, her tears stopped and she just lay there, numbly. She couldn't move, couldn't blink, couldn't do anything but breathe, exist. Unlike the woman who was lost forever, because her ideas had been neither practical nor feasible.

I am neither practical nor feasible.

With that thought, her tears resumed, geyser-like, but she didn't bother trying to staunch them. She didn't even bother to blow her nose, choosing instead to sniffle fruitlessly and miserably. She didn't want to move ever again.

How long she lay like that, she didn't know. It might've been hours, it might've been months. The room darkened around her and only when the door of her room opened did she so much as twitch. She listened as someone entered and paused by her bed, and the sobs welled up within her again and threatened to overwhelm.

Carolyna. Her wonderful, loyal friend; whom Smiley now appeared to have set sights on.

"Emerson?"

Em squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself for what she had to do, what she needed to do.

Her hangings were pulled apart. "Emerson? What's happened now? What's wrong, Em?"

How could she not know what was wrong? How could she ask what was wrong? Something snapped inside Emerson and she was suddenly furious. She looked up and glared at her friend, her best friend since they were five years old. "What's wrong, Carolyna, is that you are getting on my fucking nerves. So why don't you just buzz off and leave me alone?!"

A shocked and profoundly hurt look settled on Lyna's face and Emerson turned away, unable to bear it, feeling the misery already swirling within her now being intermingled with deep disgust at herself. But wasn't this the only way to keep her safe? She had to do this. She must.

"I know what you're doing, Emerson. You're trying to push me away because you're starting to believe the lies in those letters, aren't you?" Lyna's voice was strained and Em heard her sniffle. Her own tears started up again; apparently, her well of salt water hadn't yet run dry.

"You can shut everyone else out, but not me. I won't let you. You're my best friend, Emerson, and if I don't stand beside you, who will? Who will hold your hand? And I won't leave you alone because I can be as stubborn as you are, Em. So you can either accept it or be even more miserable. Your choice. Cause I'm not going anywhere."

A flood of relief swept through Emerson's whole being as she spun around. "Oh, Lyna!" she cried as she threw her arms around her friend. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean that! I'm sorry, Lyna!"

"I know you didn't," Lyna choked, and she seemed to be crying as hard as Em was.

"Oh God, I can't do this anymore," Emerson sobbed. "But I have to!"

Her friend pulled away, her cheeks tear-stained. "What are you talking about? We've waited too long, Em! We have to, right now, go to-"

"NO!" Em shrieked, hysterically. "Smiley knows, Lyna! Smiley knows about Budget!"

"Budget? What about him?"

Emerson wiped her nose on her sleeve, trying to calm herself down, to make her friend understand. Her voice cracked with the intensity of her misery. "Only our families and friends know Luke's nickname, right? We're the only ones who call him 'Budget'. But in her letter, Smiley called him "Budget". Can't you see? I c-can't tell anyone! She would hurt him! And it would be m-my fault!"

"Oh, Merlin," Lyna sobbed. "This is too much, Emerson. This is b-bigger than us now. If you d-don't do it, I w-will, I swear to God!"

"Please, Lyna. Just give me two days, please? Please don't tell anyone. Two days?" Em pleaded desperately, tears streaming down her cheeks. She grasped her best friend's hands. "Promise me. Promise me, Lyna, that you won't tell anyone yet. Just give me two days to figure something out. Please."

It seemed to take forever but finally, Carolyna nodded. "Two days. And that's it."

The two girls hugged each other and cried some more, neither of them wanting to leave the other, not even to go down to dinner. They only parted when it was time for bed and Emerson lay under her covers, terrified and overwhelmed by the horrendous shadow that loomed over her.

Two days.


*******

Is there resolution for this pain that I'm in?
Sitting all alone in this place
Even though we're here face to face
There is nothing gone but there's something wrong

Can't you see that I'm stuck here
Underneath

A/N: Thanks for the gorgeous reviews of the last chapter! Much appreciated! And matildabear, yes, Will's mother is someone I invented but she's only been mentioned by name once in the whole fic, and not in a way that anyone would make an immediate connection. So don't worry about not recalling her; it's intentional on my part :) As for your other questions, I can't answer any of them yet except for the Dumbledore one, which is: yes, he died in the 2nd war.

Enormous thanks to Liss for the beta.


Chapter Eighteen - Losing Yourself (Day One)


"Okay, here you go. One for Budget, one for Vina," Harry Potter said, as he handed each of his two youngest children a chocolate chip cookie. "Go on, then. And remember what I said about eating on the carpet."

His children nodded happily before pivoting around and racing for the family room, where glasses of cold milk were already awaiting them. Harry smiled to himself and headed back into the kitchen, with the intention of starting dinner.

He had taken the day off from work to stay home with the kids, since Hermione had had to go to St. Mungo's early that morning for some kind of all-day seminar. He'd taken the boys to school, before returning home to devote his undivided attention to a delighted Davina, which resulted in him drinking countless gallons of imaginary tea from tiny flower-patterned teacups.

Then he'd had to pick up Budget from school and after lunch, the youngsters had taken a nap. Harry had used the downtime to obsess over the notes that he and Hermione had compiled about Emerson's recent behavior, from what little they'd been able to gleam. But it had been a lesson in futility and frustration, and to unwind, he'd mixed up a huge batch of chocolate chip cookies. His children would surely put a good-sized dent in the goodies, but there would still be enough to take to the Burrow, most likely.

Deciding that perhaps a nice roast would be good for their evening meal, Harry headed for the enormous, brushed steel refrigerator, intending to check their supplies. Just as he reached it, however, a loud wail drifted in from the room where his children had trotted off to.

Frowning, Harry spun around and hurried in the direction of the sound. Upon reaching the family room, he paused in the doorway and took in the scene before him. He only needed a few seconds' observation to deduce exactly what had happened.

Davina was sitting on the floor, wailing, and Luke was beside her, patting her back. There was something incredibly guilty about his stance and Harry sighed as he walked over.

The small girl looked up, her little face awash with tears, and scrambled immediately into her father's arms. Cradling her, Harry lowered himself to the floor beside Luke, who hadn't moved.

"Do you know what's wrong with your sister, Luke?" Harry asked gently, smoothing Davina's wild russet-tinged ringlets.

Luke nodded slowly without raising his head.

"What's wrong with her?"

The little boy mumbled something and Harry leaned forward. "I'm sorry, I didn't understand you."

"She wants her cookie, but it's in my throat," Budget replied mournfully, finally looking up, his green eyes wide and miserable.

Harry seriously had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from bursting out laughing at his son's phrasing. That would never do, and after a few seconds of struggle, he managed somehow to force a sigh. "How did Vina's cookie get into your throat, Budget?"

"I put it there," Luke lamented woefully. "I ate my cookie too fast, Daddy, and my mouth wanted more. So I took Vina's."

Harry dropped a kiss on his daughter's head, looking grave. "Was that the right thing to do?"

His son shook his head morosely.

"So what do you need to do now?"

Without a second's hesitation, Luke sprang up and threw his arms around his little sister. "I'm really sorry that I took your cookie, Vina. It didn't taste very good, anyway, cause it was wrong that I took it so it got 'ffected. I'll give you my dessert at dinner tonight, okay?"

Davina touched her brother's face with one little hand, silently letting him know that she forgave him, and Luke beamed. Feeling suddenly conflicted with the urge to both laugh and cry, Harry gathered Luke onto his lap too, his heart swelling with love as he held them. He knew he probably should get up and give Vina another cookie; he had made a huge batch after all. But the little boy and girl snuggled against him and he wouldn't have dislodged them for all the gold in Gringotts.

Merlin, they were growing up so fast! Too fast, to be completely honest. Who would think that with all the unconventional things that had happened in his life - including, but not limited to, surviving Voldemort as an infant, saving the Sorcerer's Stone, the Chamber of Secrets, the final defeat of Voldemort, owning a progressively successful Quidditch franchise - that Harry Potter would consider his children to be his greatest achievement? All those things, all the accomplishments of his life and career paled in comparison to these wonderful beings that he and Hermione had created.

And he loved them more than life. There was nothing he wouldn't do for them, to keep them safe and happy.

Harry could feel himself beginning to choke up as he realized that at least one of his children was not very happy at all, despite all his efforts, despite all the heart-aching love he had for her. Why? What had happened, what was happening to his daughter? Oh God, why hadn't he learned Leglimency in addition to Occulumency? The irony galled him, that he could be the Harry Potter, with all that that represented and its accompanying hyperbole, and yet be so fucking helpless with his own child.

"Come, Vina! Let's go draw some pictures," Luke said suddenly, wiggling out of his father's embrace and grabbing his sister's hand.

Davina giggled and scrambled up, toddling away behind her brother without a backward glance. Harry watched them go with a smile and suddenly the laughter he'd been holding in burst forth. He laughed until tears ran down his cheeks, but a part of him knew that some of his tears weren't from laughter.

He laughed from joy, amusement and pride. And he cried. From fear, from confusion, worry and frustration. He cried, for what, he didn't know.


********

With the coming of morning, Emerson was no closer to a solution than the night before. Why had she asked for two days, of all amounts? Did she possibly believe that she could, in two days, do what she hadn't been able to do in months?

The one solution that her best friend had been woodpecking her with from the very beginning was now starting to hammer out its own cadence inside her head. But could she do it? Could she tell her parents about this? What about Smiley's threats? What about Smiley knowing Luke's nickname? "Budget" is very cute, isn't he? She couldn't stand it, she couldn't bear it if anything happened to any of them because of her.

Feeling tears prickling at her eyelids, as usual, Emerson took a deep breath and laid her head on her desk. She was in Potions class, and could vaguely recall Professor Snape saying something about Swelling Solutions. But her mind was occupied with other things, and she was so tired. She hadn't been able to sleep very much at all last night.

Professor Snape had gone into his office for something, which was why Em could chance ignoring her potion for a few minutes. Unfortunately, that meant others could also do the same.

"Look at her," sneered a familiar voice behind her. "You'd think it would be obvious that nighttime is for sleeping, daytime is bustling about, hello? But she's trying to sleep now. What a weirdo."

Emerson rolled her eyes but didn't raise her head. "Yeah, yeah. I'm a freak. I actually wipe my own arse, imagine that." She gave a great gasp. "I put milk in before the cereal!"

The rest of the class snorted but before Jerrianne could think up some inane comeback, the Potions Master ambled back into the room and the class settled down again. For which, Em was grateful; as far as she was concerned, the less thought spent on Jerrianne Youngleer and her sheep, the better. She didn't have time for such triviality anymore.

Determined to at least try to make her potion, she began chopping ingredients, casting Lyna a weak smile, who had been eyeing her worriedly. Her friend smiled back just as weakly, and for the next few minutes, they concentrated on their Swelling Solutions. Which meant that neither of them noticed that Jerrianne and the Fakers were whispering together and casting them noxious glances.

Em thought her potion was rather runny, but at least she'd tried to do it. Which was more effort than she'd put forward in any one subject lately. She honestly kept expecting to be called to the Heamistress's office to answer for the dramatic drop in the quality of her schoolwork, but so far, that hadn't happened.

'Yet,' she thought sardonically, as she carried her cauldron and other instruments into the storage cupboard.

Other students were milling around, putting their stuff away, and just as Em reached her assigned shelf, she was suddenly jostled hard on both sides. She tried, but her hands couldn't maintain their grip on her cauldron, and the heavy container fell to the stone floor with a loud crash. The implements inside were flung out and the cauldron rolled and settled in such a way that she knew there was now a large dent in it.

Merlin's bloody teeth! Irritated, she looked around to see who had bumped her and her ire surged when she saw Janie and Maria smirking at her.

"Oops," said Maria, lightly slapping her forehead and Janie giggled.

Em glared at them. "You did it on purpose."

"No, it was an accident, fool," retorted Janie as she and Maria flounced back into the classroom.

An accident, my foot. Knowing that she couldn't prove that it wasn't, Emerson seethed as she started to pick up her instruments. Just as she reached her battered cauldron, she happened to glance into the classroom, just in time to see Jerrianne give Janie and Maria what was an unmistakable "two thumbs up".

And the tenuous hold she'd had on her temper snapped.

Before she'd even thought about it, she had drawn her wand and stalked into the classroom, her ears ringing with fury. It was exactly this kind of passive-aggressiveness they'd used against her and Lyna last year, and she'd more or less let it go. Well, things were different now. Her life was already going to hell but if they thought she would just sit back and let them hasten her arrival there, they were sorely mistaken.

The Fakers had turned to grin at each other, no doubt with pride at their mistress's non-verbal praise, when Em raised her wand.

"Miss Potter, what do you-" began Professor Snape but Em had already shouted the first incantation that came to her mind.

"Confligere Petulcum!"

The two girls' heads instantly jerked back then crashed together, as if each had suddenly decided to head-butt the other. Every single person, with the exception of Emerson, winced at the impact, as Janie and Maria cried out in unison, clutching their foreheads.

"Hopefully that will have knocked some self-respect into you. Though I highly doubt it!" Em snapped, aware of the whole class gaping at her open-mouthed. Strangely, this only served to piss her off even more.

"Emerson Potter, into my office, right now!"

Em turned and marched to Snape's office without another word. Flinging herself into the chair across from his desk, she fumed, the blood pounding in her ears, her hands shaking.

Those bitches! Those bitches. She could hear Snape instructing Jerrianne to herd her sheep to the hospital wing, though of course the Professor didn't phrase it like that. From the sound of it, Maria had gotten a nosebleed, which served her damn right, as far as Em was concerned.

"Did I say you could sit, Miss Potter?"

Emerson's head whipped around at the cold hiss that came from the doorway. As she began to jump up, the Potions Professor contradictorily barked, "Sit!" and she slumped back down. She watched him storm behind his desk and take a seat, and suddenly saw how the stories her Uncle Ron told her about Snape might've been true. She had known Snape her entire life, and he had always treated her, if not affectionately, then fairly. She'd never been on the receiving end of such a look from him as the one he was leveling at her now.

"Explain to me exactly what kind of behavior that was," the Professor said tightly, his black eyes boring into hers in a way that made Em uncomfortable.

She dropped her eyes. "I was getting back at them, Sir."

"Getting back at them? For what?"

And with that, she suddenly remembered what the Fakers had done. The fury that had been knocked aside by shock swiftly reclaimed its rightful spot and she looked up, glaring right back at her teacher. "They busted my cauldron, and probably a few of my other instruments too."

Snape frowned. "When? And why didn't you come to me?"

"I didn't think it would've done any good," Em snapped. Then aware that she was coming across ruder than was necessary, quickly added, "Sir."

Her teacher was quiet for a minute, still staring at her. "That was unacceptable, Emerson. Fifty points from Gryffindor. You could have seriously injured those girls. So you will either apologize to Miss Ingalls and Miss Crestmore or serve detention."

"I'll take the detention, thank you," Em answered without hesitation.

"Are you sure?" Snape blurted, looking alarmed. Clearly, that wasn't the response he'd been expecting. "Wouldn't you rather apologize?"

She shook her head stubbornly. "No, Sir. Because, with all due respect, Professor Snape, it'll be a cold day in he- the underworld when I apologize to those girls. Besides, I'd be lying if I did. They deserved what they got and I'm not at all sorry about what happened."

Snape stared at her for a long moment, looking puzzled and dismayed. When at last he spoke, his voice was sad. "What has happened to you?"

And Emerson found that she couldn't meet his eyes, so afraid was she that, somehow, he would know exactly what had happened to her.

That she was losing herself.

********

Later that same night, having returned from her detention (scrubbing the bedpans in the Hospital Wing, without magic), Emerson was tired and upset. She was trying to do homework, but she couldn't keep her mind on her task. She couldn't stop thinking about the fact that she'd lost one day and was no closer to any sort of favorable resolution.

One day left, and she would have to tell an adult, and thus deliver her innocent brothers and sister to a madman. One more day and she would have something else to feel guilty about.

Trying to distract herself, she focused again on her notes, trying to ignore the fact that she couldn't even remember what subject she was working on. The common room was noisy and warm, not exactly the best place to be attempting to study, but Em found it oddly comforting. She didn't want to go upstairs because then, not even homework would be able to keep her mind off her misery. Not in the stillness. The craziness of the common room was being both a hindrance and a help, but it was better than the alternative.

She sighed and put down her quill, squeezing her eyes shut. She was so tired. After a minute, upon opening her eyes, she decided to swallow the measly clumps of her remaining pride and ask Lyna for help with this unnamed homework. She could tell that her friend was trying not to seem too upbeat, out of sensitivity for Em's bad circumstances. But Lyna hadn't been able to hide the light in her eyes as she'd told Em about how Davis Chapman and herself had had a long, engaging chat while Em was in detention. Something else for Emerson to feel bad about, that her best friend felt the need to tone down her own happiness in deference to Em's tripe.

Just as she opened her mouth to call to Lyna, though, someone plopped down right beside her. Em sighed again when she saw who it was. This was exactly what she needed right now.

"Emerson! You're looking as lovely as ever," Brandon murmured in what he seemed to think was an alluring voice.

As usual, he was just yammering on about nonsense and Em rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Brandon."

He grinned and scooted even closer. "What're you working on?"

"What does it look like?"

"Why so glum, darling? Surely, my presence would have cheered you up by now?"

Emerson shot him an exasperated look. "Listen, Brandon, I really don't have time for this."

"How can that possibly be?" he asked, looking convincingly affronted. "One can always find time for love." And he actually threw an arm over her shoulder, while glancing over at where a gaggle of his Quidditch teammates were sitting.

That was the thing about Brandon - he never knew when to stop. Emerson felt a surge of irritation and shrugged off his arm. "Do you mind? I'm trying to do something here."

"Actually, I do mind. Why don't you put this aside for a minute?" He made as if to close her book and, for the second time that day, Emerson's temper snapped.

Jumping up suddenly, she shoved him away from her. "Look, fuck off, will ya!"

The entire common room fell immediately silent and, as in Potions, knowing that every eye was trained on her made Emerson even angrier.

Brandon stood up, gazing at her as if he honestly had no idea why she was so upset. "What's your problem?"

"YOU ARE, YOU BLITHERING ODIE!" she shouted. His innocent act was making her feel childish, which made her blood boil. "Or are you too retarded, in addition to everything else, to grasp that?"

She spun around and grabbed her books and papers so hard that some of the parchments tore, bringing tears of frustration to her eyes. She stormed past her shocked housemates and up the stairs, her ponytail swinging wildly behind her. The door to her dormitory flew open before she could even touch it and slammed shut mightily behind her.

Leaving her upset and alone, exactly the two things she'd been trying so hard not to be.


******

It was a few minutes before anyone moved in the Gryffindor common room after the girls' dormitory door had slammed shut. But even when they did, nobody spoke until Brandon Wood unfroze.

Everyone was now staring at him and his shocked expression morphed into a red-faced scowl. "What the hell's her problem?" he asked the room at large. "She used to be so cool but she's been such a bitch lately."

"Shut up, Brandon!" chorused Germ Forrester and Takeshi, two of Emerson's classmates, who immediately cast each other startled looks. Normally, the two boys were always at odds with each other, but now had not only actually agreed on something, but had even spoken in unison!

Brandon glared at them. "What, now I can't state a fact? Is there anybody here who hasn't thought that at least once these past weeks?"

Everybody avoided everybody else's eyes at that, though Jerrianne Youngleer was smirking hugely. For a change, the Fakers were too subdued to respond fast enough and Jerrianne's smirk turned into a scowl directed at them.

Lyna, who had been sitting as stunned as everyone else, suddenly jumped up and grabbed her books, glaring at him. "This is all your fault, Brandon! You just had to keep pushing her, didn't you? Why can't you get a clue?" She stomped up the stairs and once again, the doors slammed.

"I don't know what it is, but something's going on with her!" the Gryffindor Keeper continued adamantly, as if addressing the Wizengamot.

"No shit, Sherlock," Will Shriver muttered loudly and Brandon flushed.

"Keep your mouth shut, you little twerp, or I'll shut it for you!"

"That's enough, Brandon," Etienne Weasley said sharply. "And if it's this kind of atmosphere that's going to be in here for the rest of the night, everybody might as well go to bed right now!"

Brandon shot him a look of death but sat down. Slowly, conversation returned to the room, in hushed whispers at first. But it wasn't long before it was as noisy as ever, as if there hadn't been even the slightest glitch or interruption in the madness. After all, human beings are nothing if not adaptable.

But at least three Weasleys and one Wood sat subdued, knowing that a letter or letters would be leaving their hands in the morning, bound for the home of two of the most powerful wizard folk in recent history.

****

Carolyna Lupin lay awake in her bed for a long time that night, long after she was sure her best friend had stopped crying and succumbed to restless sleep. Lyna herself sniffled quietly, feeling horrified at herself. For her inaction, for her silence. She should have told Uncle Harry and Aunt Hermione ages ago. She should have told someone a long time ago.

Because now, she feared that Emerson, her friend whom she considered even more of a sister than her own sister, had been hopelessly, irreversibly broken. This could have been stopped a long time ago, but she hadn't wanted to go against Em. She'd wanted to be supportive, thinking that Em needed someone on her side.

Now she realized that she had been supportive in the wrong way. She had even lied to Aunt Hermione when Emerson's mother had asked if she knew anything. If Aunt Hermione had asked her the question in person, Lyna knew she probably would've told the truth. But it had just been so much easier to give in to Em and write a letter of lies back to Ballynore. She should've been brave enough to do what she'd known she needed to do. Because she'd also known that Em would never do it on her own, not with the knowledge of possible harm coming to her family if she did.

But tomorrow, the silence would be broken. She would go to the Headmistress and she would tell her everything. Emerson would likely be mad at first, but she would come around.

"It's for the best," Carolyna whispered, as the tears rolled across her cheeks. "It's for the best."


*****

End Notes:

1. The Latin in this chapter: Confligere is "to strike or throw together; to collide"; Petulcum is "butting with the head". That's just a working translation, of course, as I'm no Latin whiz so pardon me if it's all or partially wrong.

2. If anyone is wondering what a "blithering Odie" is that Em called Brandon - I promise to explain in a later chapter :) A Chocolate Frog for anyone who can guess, though.

3. Please review!

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed!! Much, much appreciated :) In the second chapter after this, the crap hits the propeller, promise. Thank you.


Chapter Nineteen - Things Fall Apart (Day Two)


If there was one thing Emerson hated about being a Potter, it was that everyone seemed to know who she was.

Most of the time, that didn't really bother her. But then there were the times, like today, when she couldn't turn around without hearing her name mentioned in hushed whispers. If somehow they had forgotten, her little meltdown the night before had apparently reminded her Gryffindor housemates of who exactly she was, that she was the daughter of the legendary Harry Potter.

And it irritated her.

"As if Harry Potter's daughter isn't allowed to lose it sometimes," Em muttered bitterly to herself as she climbed the stairs back into Gryffindor Tower. As if she didn't have ample reason to lose it. Let's just see any of them lug around the sack she was carrying and not go ballistic at least once.

It was lunchtime and her best friend had disappeared right after their last class. Em had gone to the Great Hall to wait for her, but after a good quarter hour and no sign of Lyna, she had gone looking. This time she was sure that she wasn't imagining a half-dozen pairs of Weasley eyes following her out of the Hall, as well as a lone pair of Wood ones. She had huffily ignored his attempts to get her attention, because as far as she was concerned, her now-embarrassing blowup was entirely his fault. She had enough to deal with, she was obviously overwhelmed, but oh no, it was beyond Brandon Wood's realm of capabilities to pick up on that.

"Pisshead," she grumbled, pushing open the door of her room.

Immediately, she got the sense that something wasn't quite right. All the beds had their hangings open, except one. And the one that was closed was emitting tiny, furtive sniffles, as if its occupant was trying not to give herself away.

Em frowned as she approached her best friend's bed. "Lyna? Are you all right?"

Her friend didn't answer, and Em felt a wave of panic. Had something happened? Had Smiley-

"Lyna?" Emerson pulled open the hangings slowly and scrambled onto the bed. "Lyna, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Is it Smiley? Are you hurt?"

Her friend tried to smile as she wiped her eyes, which were very red. "No, I'm okay. Of course, it's not Smiley."

Em let out the breath she'd been fearfully holding in. "Then what is it? You weren't at lunch so I came to look for you. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really," Lyna said, turning red. "I'm just being silly."

"Carolyna, you're a terrible liar," Em said softly. "Tell me what happened."

Her friend was silent for a few moments, plucking at her blanket. "It's really nothing. I just- I was in the loo on the fourth floor and I heard, y'know, some people talking."

"About what?"

"About me and Davis."

Emerson's brow furrowed. "What were they saying? Who was it, anyway?" She noted the quick darting of Lyna's eyes to the bed across the room and felt a rush of hatred. Jerrianne. That was who had made Lyna cry. "Why do you care what that cow says, Lyna?"

"It wasn't really what she said. It's what she said Davis said," Lyna muttered, flushing deeply. "One of them, I think it was Maria, said she'd seen me and Davis talking and that it looked like we were both having a blast. Jerrianne told her to shut up, that Maria didn't know what she was talking about. She said she'd talked to Davis and asked him if he liked me, and he'd said that no, he didn't. He just kind of pitied me so he was just being nice." Lyna took a deep breath but her voice wobbled when next she spoke. "She said he said I was a bit too mousy-looking for his taste. That she was more like it."

A now-familiar ringing began in Emerson's ears as she watched her friend swipe at the fresh tears that were leaking from her eyes. How dare- Lyna was not- Lyna was beautiful! Lyna had the softest hair Emerson had ever touched, the most amazing eyes the color of honey that were always full of laughter and kindness and concern. Lyna was a wonderful friend and Em was livid.

Perhaps her features showed her fury because when Lyna looked up, a startled expression appeared on her face. "I'm fine, Em, really. It just took me by surprise, that's all. I don't think they even knew I was there. Okay? You're not gonna do anything, are you? Please?"

She seemed to be on the verge of tears again so Em took a deep breath and forced a smile. Which flickered and died as she recalled something the other girl had said. "Why were you in a bathroom on the fourth floor, anyway? We had DADA and that's on the second floor, which has bathrooms too, of course."

Carolyna blushed again, but the worry had gone from her eyes now, to be replaced by a steely defiance. "I was coming from Headmistress McGonagall's office."

A sinking feeling began in Em's stomach as she stared at her friend in horror. "Oh, Lyna, you didn't."

"She wasn't there," Lyna snapped. "I'd gone to talk to her this morning after breakfast, but she was just leaving for London. So she said I should come to her office around lunchtime. But when I got there, she hadn't returned yet."

Emerson closed her eyes as panic swirled through her being. McGonagall was back now; she'd been in the Great Hall when Em was there. "You said you'd give me two da- oh, screw it. I'm going back to lunch. You coming?"

"Don't be mad, Emerson. This is for the best, you know it," Lyna said softly, tears shining in her eyes again.

"Are you coming to lunch?" Em repeated as if she hadn't heard her, but she wasn't angry. At least, not at Carolyna.

Because she found that Lyna's tears reminded her of why her friend had been crying in the first place. And this provided Em with a handy respite from the dizzying fear and panic she was experiencing. The red haze of fury proved to be quite an effective buffer, indeed, and Em was raring to go.

"I don't feel like eating," Lyna muttered, her face pinking up again.

"Okay," Emerson answered, climbing off the bed and heading for the door. When she reached it, she turned back to look at her friend. "Lyna?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not mad at you."

She closed the door behind her before her friend could respond, or maybe talk her out of what she was going to do. Because this was one thing that was long overdue. Somebody should have put that Youngleer parasite in her place a long time ago.

Her anger propelled her all the way to the Great Hall, so that later, she couldn't recall the actual journey. But suddenly, she was standing outside the great oak doors and pushing them open. As she reached for her wand, however, she quickly changed her mind and headed for the Ravenclaw table instead. Best to get her facts straight before charging into action.

Davis Chapman looked up from his steak and kidney pie when she tapped him on the shoulder. He smiled when he saw her. "Hey, Emer-"

"I'd like a word outside," Em interrupted, and watched the smile drown in the confusion that flooded his face.

"Er, okay."

He followed her out of the Hall and she leaned back against the rough stone, staring up at him. "Sorry to interrupt your lunch. But I need to know what's going on between you and Jerrianne Youngleer."

He looked flabbergasted. "Um, who?"

"Jerrianne Youngleer. Stupid, yellow-haired cow who thinks she's all that and then some?" Em said irritably, feeling the anger lapping at the edges of her voice.

"I don't know who you're talking about," Davis said slowly, frowning at her. "Is she in your year? Wait, that snooty blonde girl with the two tag-alongs?"

Em nodded once and raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean, what's going on between me and her? I doubt I've ever said two complete sentences to her in all-" he broke off and stared through narrowed eyes. "Did she say something is going on between me and her? First off, I don't know her from Helga Hufflepuff and second, I already-" There, he broke off again and his eyes widened. "Did she say something to Lyna?"

Emerson didn't answer but she knew from the outrage filling his dark eyes that he'd figured it out. The bloke was in Ravenclaw, after all; it would've been highly disappointing if he hadn't been able to deduce such a simple puzzle.

Davis's mouth opened and closed without any words for a minute before he managed to speak. "What the- she's a lying hag if she said anything like that. Emerson, I really like Carolyna." His pale features flooded scarlet, but he didn't break eye contact. "I would never do something like that."

"I believe you," Em said softly, managing a slight smile. "Sorry to bother you."

He let out a deep breath, and glanced around as if looking for someone, before looking back at her inquiringly.

"She's up in Gryffindor Tower. She said she didn't feel like lunch. I think she'll be fine if you talk to her," Em said, answering his silent question and feeling the blood resuming its pounding in her ears. Pushing back from the wall, she pulled out her wand and turned to re-enter the Great Hall.

"Wait," Davis called. "You're not going to do anything, are you?"

Em almost smiled at his, unbeknownst to him, exact echoing of Lyna. Perhaps the two of them really did belong together. "Don't worry about it, Davis. Oh, and if you ever hurt Lyna, you'll have me to answer to, and that's a promise."

Deciding that she had tarried too long, she strode over to the Gryffindor table and stopped short across from her nemesis, ignoring the curious looks that her housemates were throwing her. She found that, in her anger, she didn't even need to speak the incantation; the nearly-full pitcher of pumpkin juice simply floated up from the table as if it had suddenly decided that sitting was overrated. She levitated it to directly above Jerrianne's head, pausing until the blonde looked up at her.

"Was there something you wanted, Potter?" Jerrianne said haughtily, glaring at Em.

Emerson smiled genially. "Actually, there was. I thought you were long overdue for a shower." The slightest twitch of her wand, and the pitcher overturned, sending the chilly, orange beverage cascading down onto the shrieking girl.

"Argh! You bitch!" Jerrianne shrieked, flapping her hands uselessly, as if that could turn off the golden fountain.

It was as if everybody, be they student, ghost or professor, all of whom had been stunned into paralysis by the spectacle they were witnessing, had ceased to exist to Emerson. She saw no one but the female across from her who had caused her so much hardship, who had hurt her sweet, loyal friend. Her anger was all-consuming, and yet, she felt a strange calm settle over her.

"As usual, there you go assigning other people what you know are your own attributes," Em sighed wearily. Her voice was so mild and conversational that, were not for the dangerous inferno in her emerald eyes, one would think she was merely discussing the weather. "But I'm not surprised. You are such a sad-arsed liar to other people, why would you be any different to yourself? I honestly can't be bothered to ponder it, though."

The pitcher had run out of juice, but Em kept it hovering above her shocked and soaked classmate, loathing her. When she spoke, her voice, though still mild and quiet, held such menace that more than one person felt uncomfortable. "But here's a little warning, Jerrianne, and I don't mean that just your perfect hair might get ruined: fuck with my friends again and you'll regret it. Have yourself a really special day now."

Upon giving the other girl a rapid, hard once-over, she spun on her heel and strode calmly away, not pausing to observe that the heavy pitcher, now removed from the spell holding it up, had succumbed to gravity and was headed for what appeared to be a dead-on collision with the sticky, blonde head below it. She didn't see Professor Flitwick's split-second wrist movement that made the jug swerve slightly, missing Jerrianne's head but glancing off her shoulder and smashing against the table. She heard, but didn't acknowledge, the shocked gasps that echoed through the Hall.

And only when the voice of her Headmistress reached her ("Emerson Potter! Stay right where you are!") did she stop, that strange calm still swirling around her.

"I have never- such a display-" McGonagall sputtered, looking rather frightening in her apoplexy. "You will go to my office! You will wait for me there! And while you wait, you will think about what you have just done! Password is Felis catus. Go!"

Aware of all eyes on her, Emerson let her feet carry her from the Hall, up and down empty, echoing corridors and stairs and into McGonagall's office. Upon entering, she sat in one of the chairs across from the vast desk and took a deep breath. The calm that had cradled her before was now dissipating, leaving her filled with a maelstrom of emotions: shock, anger, confusion, worry.

Fear.

She had wasted the second day that she'd begged Lyna for, not that Lyna had intended to let her have it, apparently. And she was still no closer to any other resolution than to tell her parents.

Feeling tears prickling at her eyes, Em was startled when someone spoke. She'd thought the room was empty.

"Well, hello there."

Her head whipped around and she stared at the portrait. It was of a man wearing a long, purple cloak, who was reclining in a chair parked in what appeared to be a bowling alley. He was very old, with long silver hair and an equally long and silver beard. His eyes were a bright blue that sparkled behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked. Perched on the back of his chair was what appeared to be a phoenix.

"Um, hi," Em replied, offering a weak smile.

"Hmm, tell me, are you a Potter?" the portrait asked, smiling gently down at her.

Em nodded. "Yeah. I'm Emerson."

"Emerson Potter. Ah yes, I've heard of you."

You don't say. Em took a deep breath and suppressed the urge to roll her eyes, but looked up in surprise when the portrait chuckled.

"I'm guessing you've heard that a few too many times, yes?" the man said, his blue eyes twinkling. "Your father was exactly the same way with fame. I'm Professor Dumbledore."

Em gave another weak smile and nodded. "I've heard of you, too. My parents told us all about you."

Dumbledore chuckled again. "Did they now?"

"Yeah. They even named my brother, Ben, after you. His middle name is Albus."

The former Headmaster beamed for a second. "I am very honored. But about the fame thing, do not worry about it too much. Your father had to deal with it too."

"At least he was famous for something good," Em muttered to her hands, hating herself for sounding so pathetic.

Dumbledore's brow furrowed. "And yours is not a good reason?"

She chewed her bottom lip for a minute before answering. There was something about this blue-eyed man in the portrait that made her want to share some of her burdens. She'd never told anyone, not even Lyna, what next she blurted. "Well, seeing as how I'm famous for being somebody's bastard child, I'll have to say 'no'. I mean, where's the good in that?"

The portrait was silent for a few moments, but she could feel him watching her. His voice was almost sad when he spoke. "I'm certain your parents don't feel that way."

She made an impatient sound, staring across the room at Headmistress McGonagall's huge shelf of bulky textbooks. "Well, they wouldn't, would they? Being biased and all that." She sighed. "But, unfortunately, no amount of bias has ever been able to change the truth."

"How old are you, Emerson?"

The strangeness of the question - what did her age have to do with anything? - startled Em and she looked up. "I'm twelve."

So young, yet so cynical. What could have caused that? Dumbledore thought, gazing into the third incarnation of confused green eyes that fate had allowed him to encounter.

Before he could comment, however, the office door swung open and Professor McGonagall strode in. "Thank you for waiting, Miss Potter." She sat down behind her desk and gazed across sternly at Em. "So, is there anything you would like to tell me?"

Em frowned in what she hoped appeared to be confusion. "Like what, Professor?"

"Miss Potter, your behavior since returning to school has been steadily more alarming, not to mention appalling! We are in only the first week of the term and already your Professors are expressing concern. And now that little tantrum in the Great Hall at lunch! What is going on with you?"

Emerson bristled. A tantrum? Is that what you think that was? You don't have a friggin' clue. "Nothing, Professor."

"Nothing?!" McGonagall exclaimed, looking outraged, her brows dipping severely. "Your behavior at lunch was certainly not nothing! Miss Youngleer could have been seriously injured by that little stunt you pulled! And such language- fifty points from Gryffindor and a week's worth of detentions!"

Em stared down at her feet, fury blazing through her whole being. It was so unfair! Why was she the one being lectured and punished when that witch Jerrianne had been the one saying such lies, making Lyna cry? She didn't regret what she'd done. Hell, she would do it all over again, if it meant that that cow would pay.

"- and you realize I'll be notifying your parents about this," McGonagall was saying.

Her head snapped up, her ears ringing. "I don't care," she blurted. "Tell them whatever you want."

"Miss Potter, what on earth are you crying for?" the Headmistress said, looking concerned and only then did Emerson realize that tears were streaming down her cheeks. She wiped at them angrily but they kept tumbling down, running under her chin and down her neck.

"Emerson?"

"I can't talk about it!" Em sobbed, standing up so abruptly that her chair clattered backwards to the floor. "Please, Professor, may I be excused?"

The teacher was looking alarmed. "Of course. Go straight to the Hospital Wing, do you hear me?"

"Thank you," Em sniffled, stumbling to the door and out into the corridor. Closing the door behind her, she leaned back against it for a second, trying to compose herself. Of course she had no intention of going to the hospital wing. That would require being around people and she wanted- oh God, she needed to be alone!

Instead, she made a beeline for the secluded Astronomy Tower and slammed the door. She felt so helpless, so powerless, so weak. It was all falling apart and she couldn't do anything to stop it. She couldn't carry it alone anymore, and her weakness surely meant that Budget, Vina, Ben would pay the consequences.

The innocent need not suffer after all...

Smiley had said that in her very first letter, and now it looked as if, despite all Emerson's efforts, the needless suffering of the innocent was nevertheless going to come to pass.

I'm sorry, Ben. I'm sorry, Budget. I'm so sorry, Vina! I tried so hard, I really did... but I couldn't do it... I was too weak... I'm so sorry...

She slid down onto the floor of the deserted Astronomy Tower and cried bitterly, her tears splashing onto the cold, stone floor and spreading fluidly away.


*******

Back in the Headmistress's office, McGonagall and Dumbledore spoke in concerned tones.

"I think it's something to do with the circumstances surrounding her birth," Dumbledore supplied seriously.

McGonagall frowned. "Do you think so?" She shook her head gravely. "I remember when Potter had that meeting and introduced her to us. I was shocked, to put it mildly. It wasn't just that he had a child, but the situation with the mother, you know?"

Dumbledore nodded. He had, of course, been told the whole story more than once. "Best be informing Harry and Hermione, then."

The Headmistress nodded earnestly. "Right away, Albus. Right away."


****
End Notes:

Felis catus is the Latin name for "cat", natch!

Next chapter: Some H/Hr quality time... and the summons.

A/N: Many thanks to all my reviewers of the previous chapter! I appreciate it muchly, because feedback is always needed for encouragement as well as red flags for missing plot points and/or elements. So thanks to you all! Please keep reviewing!


Chapter Twenty - The Summons


Hermione sank with a contented sigh into the hot, sudsy water in the huge tub of her bathroom. Her eyes drifted closed and her body relaxed for what felt like the first time in days, as her senses were caressed by her environment. She had lighted almost a dozen lavender and vanilla candles and their fragrance wafted delicately to her nostrils, adding to her enjoyment.

This was a rare moment of respite that she had for herself and she intended to make the most of it. The house was silent; an anomaly, indeed, and she knew it was only a matter of time before it would return to its hustle and bustle. Ben was at school, Luke had a play date at Ron and Luna's and Davina was down for a nap. Hopefully, the toddler would sleep for at least an hour so Hermione had that long. She had put an Indicator Alarm spell on Vina's room so she would know when her daughter woke up; the little girl tended to get upset if she awoke to find herself alone for too long.

Hermione sighed again as she settled further under the rich suds. If only the soft white foam could penetrate her brain and stop its frantic ruminations about her eldest daughter. She had been startled by the stream of owls that had arrived that morning, from Marc, Marissa and Etienne Weasley, as well as one from Brandon Wood. All their contents had been essentially the same, that Emerson had shouted at Brandon the night before in the Gryffindor common room, before storming to her dormitory in tears. That they still didn't know what was causing her to be so short-tempered.

Oh, and let's not forget the one from Snape detailing how Em had more or less attacked two other girls in his class, and when given the option to apologize or take detention had chosen the detention.

Shifting restlessly in the hot water, Hermione felt her brow furrow in worry and concentration. Maybe she should use this time to try to figure out-

Wait a second. Did you or didn't you come in here to relax?, a huffy voice chided inside her head. Don't think about that... for twenty minutes, can you not think... you deserve a break... free your mind... get recharged... give peace a chance... yada, yada...

A smile tugged at her lips on that last one. "Yeah, yeah," she murmured, before focusing on her breathing, letting her thoughts wander as her body relaxed. Not surprisingly, they drifted to Harry and she felt a tingle race down her spine.

Harry. Her unlikely best friend, unlikely if anyone had told her that at the beginning of her first Hogwarts year. Never had she dreamed that they would come so far, though eventually, she had, of course, longed for it. And now he was not only her best friend, he was her lover. He was the father of her children. He was the man who knew her so well, body and soul.

'Especially your body,' she thought and blushed. Almost of their own accord, her hands wandered to her breasts, to cup them the way Harry loved to. She closed her eyes as the jolts of electricity snaked through her being, charging her heartbeat. One hand drifted downwards and her mind skillfully transformed her fingers into his.

"Harry," she moaned, her touches light and teasing. Her senses must have been more stimulated that she'd realized, because much too soon for her liking, she was poised and tensed on the edge. But quickly deciding that delayed gratification was always so much more satisfying, she went back to caressing her breasts. She had some time, anyway; no reason not to make this last.

So absorbed was she in what she was doing that she nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt something touch her down there.

Her eyes flew open and she yelled in alarm. "Harry! Oh my- you scared the living daylights out of me!"

He grinned down at her from his perch on the side of the tub. "Sorry. Just wanted to help."

Hermione felt her cheeks grow hot. "What are you-" she began innocently, but it trailed off in a moan as Harry began to skillfully manipulate her. Zeus, he was almost as good at it as she was. In a ridiculously short amount of time, she was crying out and bucking against his hand as her release washed over her.

Well, so much for delayed gratification; apparently the instant variety worked just as well sometimes. Gasping, she sank back into the water and when she opened her eyes, it was to the sight of Harry smiling smugly down at her.

"Better?"

"Much," she sighed, brushing aside a lock of hair that had gotten loose from where she'd pinned it atop her head. "What're you doing home, though? Not that I'm complaining or anything."

He shrugged. "Wasn't anything I needed to do so I thought I'd come home. Being the boss has its perks." He paused for a second. "So, where are the kids?"

Something in his voice made her look up and a tingle seared its way down her spine. "Davina's taking a nap; Ben's at school and Luke is over at Ron's."

Hermione thought she heard him say "Excellent." under his breath, but maybe she'd imagined it. She wiggled her toes under the water, feeling his gaze on her but avoiding his eyes for some reason.

"So this is what you're up to when I'm not here," he said, his voice striving for stern. But his eyes gave him away; they were hot with lust.

She colored fiercely. "Scandalous or what?"

"I love it," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her. She raised her face to his, and when his lips met hers, it was as if her every nerve ending had been plugged into an electrical outlet. His hands dipped into the suds again, this time to slowly caress her breasts with the soapy water, making her burn. The kiss seemed to go on for ages, his tongue delicious in her mouth, and Hermione wanted him.

Feeling suddenly devilish, she grabbed his shirt and yanked him forward. He fell into the tub with a loud splash and came up sputtering, his hair plastered to his head.

"Whoops," she said, grinning naughtily. "Oh dear, looks like your clothes are all wet. You're going to have to take them off, I'm afraid."

"Wench," Harry grumbled, shaking his hair out of his eyes, but he was already undoing his shirt. It seemed to be taking too long because, finally, he got impatient and just snapped his fingers. His clothes and glasses vanished and reappeared on the floor beside the tub. "That's better."

"Show-off," Hermione murmured, her fingers running up and down his back under the water.

She felt him hard against her thigh and shifted so he could settle on his knees between her legs. She gasped when he entered her and, for a moment, they were still, just savoring the feeling of being one.

The marble bathtub was enormous so they had plenty of room to maneuver. Harry floated her around so that her back was against one corner and began driving into her with slow, steady strokes. Her hands reached down through the suds to grasp his buttocks, feeling the muscles clench and unclench with his motions, while she met his every thrust. His lips found hers again and he kissed her softly and tantalizingly, in direct contrast with the faster activity occurring below water.

Floating on the heady sensations that swirled through her being, Hermione moaned and closed her eyes. Harry held her hips and raised her to a slight angle and the next time he surged into her, he nudged that sweet spot inside. An amazed cry was torn from her lips as her hands raced up his back to cling to his shoulders. He picked up the pace and she could actually feel her toes curling with every impact as he hit the spot again and again.

"Harry!" she cried, clinging helplessly to him, aware of the threshold speeding towards her.

He nuzzled her neck, his breathing harsh in her ear. "What, Hermione?"

She couldn't speak, she couldn't think, she could only moan and cry out wordlessly as he bumped the spot yet again, causing the tension within her body to reach an unbearable pinnacle and explode from within.

As if from a distance, drowning in the glorious ecstasy, she heard him groan deeply, felt him shudder in her embrace as he flooded her. The water splashed over the edges of the bathtub in waves as its occupants lost themselves in the delirious frenzy of peaked pleasure. Nothing mattered... nothing existed but him, and this, and them.

When at last she regained herself, Hermione was stunned. She couldn't move, couldn't even open her eyes. All she could do was struggle desperately for her breath, the blood resounding in her ears, her every nerve tingling. After a while, she felt Harry leave her body and only then could she muster the energy to lift her eyelids.

He was watching her, his green eyes bright and beautiful. "You all right?"

Dazed, she nodded. "What the hell did you do to me?" Her voice sounded strange to her own ears.

He just smiled, knowing that, of course, she knew what he'd just done to her. It wasn't as if this was the first time he'd pleasured her so astoundingly well. "Am I to assume you would welcome an encore?" he asked in a voice so self-satisfied, it should've been banned.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head weakly against his shoulder. "God, yes. But not for a while today, unless you want to end up as the sole caretaker of our children. Another one of those too soon might leave me with permanent and irreparable brain damage."

Harry beamed, the swelling of his ego becoming practically visible. Hermione suppressed the urge to smile and looked instead at the floor of the bathroom. It was flooded with sudsy water and only then did she realize that they were barely covered in the tub.

She giggled. "We are pathetic."

"But a good kind of pathetic, right?" He lightly nibbled at her neck.

"Definitely," she replied as she began to get up. Except- "Harry! I can't feel my legs!"

He frowned, shifting away from her slightly. "I'm not crushing them, am I?"

"No," she said, fighting a twinge of panic. She tried to move her feet again and felt her toes unclench as feeling returned to them. "Oh, there they are."

Harry's eyes were dancing and when she glanced up at him, he burst out laughing.

Hermione glared at him. "It's not funny!"

Which only made him laugh harder. In a huff, she climbed out of the bathtub and into the adjoining shower stall. She turned the water on to rinse off and didn't acknowledge him when he opened the door and slipped inside.

His arms encircled her from behind. "I'm sorry. But you are just so funny!"

Damn him, but she was now the one fighting laughter as the image of what had just transpired coursed through her mind. Imagine being so engulfed by the furies of passion that you have to consciously unclench your toes!

He turned her around to face him. His eyes were still full of humor. "You mad at me?"

She tried, but she couldn't hold out for long before she was throwing her arms around his neck. "Oh, Harry! After the heaven you just took me to, how can I ever be mad at you again?"

He chuckled. "Can I hold you to that statement?"

"Don't push your luck, Potter." She pulled away to look adoringly into his eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispered. "Brain damage and all."

They lingered in the shower for a while, washing each other and kissing tenderly. Harry dried the bathroom floor with a twitch of his wand, before they returned to their room, got dressed and headed downstairs. Hermione was feeling refreshed and sated, but as they entered the kitchen, she felt her troubles resuming their cadence inside her head. She almost hated to disrupt Harry's post-coital good mood but he needed to know about the Weasley, Wood and Snape letters about Em.

Before she could speak, however, he had gathered her into his arms and was grinning cheekily down at her. "So, how was that for an afternoon delight?"

She couldn't resist grinning back, even as she felt her face heating up. How could he make her blush so much? She was a grown woman, for goodness' sake! "Order of Merlin-worthy, I say. But, listen, Harry-"

"Got anything to eat around here?" he interrupted. "All of a sudden, I find myself famished."

"I'm sure we can find something," she replied quickly, but was again interrupted, this time by the Indicator Charm on Davina's room.

"Mummy." There was a brief pause. Then- "MUMMY!"

Harry snorted derisively, but his eyes glowed. "Seriously, is she bossy or what? I'll go get her."

Shaking her head, Hermione strolled into the huge kitchen and began looking for something for their lunch. She had just decided that maybe a quick minestrone soup, with crusty French bread on the side, would be good, when there was a tap, tap on the paneled glass window.

"Not another one?" she muttered disbelievingly as she went to let the owl in. The bird perched on the window ledge and remained sitting after she'd removed the letter, so she knew it was expecting to deliver a response.

After giving the feathered messenger some Owl Treats and water, she turned the envelope over. The fact that the sight of the Hogwarts crest didn't startle her at all saddened Hermione. Because that surely meant she'd been expecting something like this.

Upon unsealing the envelope, she unfolded the letter:


Dear Mr. and Mrs. Potter,

Your presence is kindly requested for a meeting with the Headmistress at your earliest convenience. This is to discuss the recent behavior of your daughter, Emerson, which we feel must be brought to your attention.

Please respond urgently via owl.

Sincerely,

M. McGonagall

Headmistress


Hermione's heart pounded as she scanned the letter again and again. The recent behavior of your daughter... respond urgently... That sounded so ominous. Was this regarding what Snape had written about or had something else happened?

She turned around as Harry came into the room, carrying a bright-eyed Davina, who was jabbering away to her father. He was smiling but it faded when he saw Hermione's anxious face.

He glanced at the letter in her hand. "What's that?"

"It's from Hogwarts," she said, holding it out to him.

He took the letter, handing Davina over to her as he did so. Hermione watched his face cloud as he read the brief missive and he closed his eyes for a second before looking up.

"This might sound terrible but, do you know, I've actually been kind of expecting this?"

She nodded uneasily. "Additionally, Etienne, the Weasley twins and Brandon all wrote this morning. Apparently, Em had some kind of meltdown last night where she yelled at Brandon and ran to her room in tears. And Snape wrote saying he had to give her a detention yesterday."

A pained look stole across his face as he looked at her from across the table. "We never should have sent her back to school, Hermione. We should have kept her here until we got to the bottom of whatever it is that's bothering her."

The guilt in his voice resonated in Hermione's head because she was feeling exactly the same way. But she shook her head against the tears that prickled at her eyelids. Now was not the time. "What do you want to do?"

Harry sat down and stared at the table. "Well, I don't have to go back to work and it's only-" he consulted his watch, "- one-thirty. I could Apparate into Hogsmeade and be there in ten, fifteen minutes."

"I'll go with you," she said, setting Davina down. The toddler wandered off into the kitchen but Hermione could still see her.

"What about Vina?"

But Hermione was already grabbing a quill and some parchment. "I'll send Fleet to Ron and Luna. I'm sure they can watch Vina as well, since Luke's already over there. They could pick up Ben at school too. We should be back before dinnertime, do you think?"

Harry nodded, his brow furrowed but she knew that, mentally, he was already at Hogwarts, trying to figure out what was happening with their daughter.

She hastily scribbled a note and tied it to Fleet, her stealth owl. Fleet had been a gift to her from St. Mungo's, since Hermione sent and received so much post from them. His full name was Fleet-of-Flight, and he was every bit as efficient as his name suggested. She carried him to the window and sent him on his way to Ron's.

"I want some food," declared Davina, coming back into the room.

"Remember to say 'please', Vina," Hermione replied, bending over to pick her up.

"I want some food, please," Davina amended and her mother, in a rush of love and pride, hugged her close and kissed her rosy cheeks.

"Okay, let's see what we have in here. D'you still want to eat, Harry?" she asked, turning back to look at him.

He raised his eyes to hers and it seemed to take him a full minute to process what she'd said. "Um... sure. If you're going to."

Putting the minestrone soup on hold, Hermione quickly slapped together some sandwiches and sat watching him absentmindedly inhale them. She felt as anxious as Harry looked, but a small part of her was also relieved. Maybe they would finally start getting some answers. Maybe they could finally get through to their daughter.

Maybe she could finally not feel so helpless anymore.

A rush of wings made her look up. Barely twenty minutes after he'd been sent out, Fleet was back. She untied the note and gave him an Owl treat, with a fond pat on his smoky head.

"Okay, Luna said she can Portkey here in ten minutes," Hermione said, scanning the note.

Harry was already scribbling a response for the school owl. "We'll probably get there before this owl does, anyway."

Their eyes met across the table and no words were needed to convey what they were both feeling. Harry reached over to squeeze her hand but she stood up and went to his arms instead. They held each other desperately, fearfully, of what they would soon be discovering, whatever that might be. Which surely had to be profound to make their beautiful, incredible daughter change so much.

"Uh-oh," Vina said, making her parents look up. She was peering over the side of her chair at the spoon she had just dropped.

Still holding each other, Hermione and Harry watched as their little girl leaned over, arm outstretched, and magically induced the spoon to leap into her hand. Her hazel eyes now wide with wonder and delight, Davina looked around at her Mum and Dad, who beamed at her through the tears in their eyes.

For the rest of that time, as they waited for Luna, they lavished attention on their youngest daughter, still so innocent and carefree, even as they steeled themselves for the troubles of their eldest one. As soon as Luna arrived, Hermione gave her some quick instructions regarding Ben, she and Harry grabbed their cloaks, kissed a bewildered Davina and were gone.


*********

Emerson would never know how she'd managed to get herself under control enough to go to her next class. After her crying jag in the Astronomy Tower, she had somehow been able to drag herself down to the Potions dungeon, where she'd encountered a frantic Carolyna.

Of course Lyna had heard the whole story about what had happened at lunch - the Hogwarts gossip mill was still alive and kicking - and she had hugged Em, blinking back tears.

"Didn't I ask you not to do anything, Emerson?" Lyna moaned. "You are so stubborn! You are so stubborn!"

Lyna had wanted to know what McGonagall had said, but Em didn't want to talk about it. In fact, she didn't want to do anything at all. She just wanted to sit there for infinity, and stare at the glittering beetle eyes that she was supposed to be bashing.

The sounds and smells of the Potions dungeon buffeted her from every angle and she was suddenly annoyed. Really, whose genius idea had it been to assign her class Potions two days in a row? Apparently, that would help them all "better retain their knowledge." What a load of bull. Because Em was sure she couldn't have mentioned what she'd learned the day before if her life depended on it.

There was a knock on the ugly dungeon door.

"Come in," Professor Snape called.

The door creaked open and obviously people came in, because the class went suddenly silent. Still, Em didn't look up, not until someone nudged her hard.

"What?" she hissed, turning to glare at the offender, who turned out to be Takeshi.

The bespectacled boy seemed taken aback by her hostility. "Sorry. It's just your Mum and Dad are here."

Em's head whipped around and sure enough, there standing near the door, conversing with Professors Snape and McGonagall, were her parents . Both of them looked confused and worried and Snape kept glancing over at her.

There was no doubt in Emerson's mind what they were talking about. McGonagall had apparently made good on her statement about notifying her parents, because why would they be here, otherwise?

The fact that these grown-ups were just standing there talking about her both embarrassed and infuriated Emerson. They were just discussing her in plain view, as if they didn't care how that might make her feel. Angry tears prickled at her eyelids but she blinked them away and began bashing her beetle eyes with a vengeance.

With the attention of their teacher safely diverted away from them, the formerly silent class slowly began to break into excited whispers and murmurs. Emerson caught "Harry Potter!", "scar," "Hermione Granger", "Head Girl", "green eyes", interjected with her name quite a few times, and she became increasingly irascible. What was she, what was her family - some kind of circus freaks to be stared at and whispered about?

"Miss Potter."

She looked up at her Potions teacher. "Your parents are here to take you home. Gather your things and you may leave."

She was going home. Boy, that must be some kind of record: suspended within the first week of a school term. Em stood up and began dumping things into her cauldron, aware of all the curious eyes fixed on her, darting back and forth between her famous parents.

Whom she still couldn't bear to acknowledge. Even though she'd been trying to do this for months, to push them away so they would, in turn, push her away, and thus be safe. But now that it had surely happened, she couldn't bear to see it confirmed in their eyes.

So she didn't look at them, not that they were wanting for observers. Not that they would ever want for observers.

And with that thought, her wonderful refuge of anger was back. That warm and adept blanket of heat, shielding her from the icy gusts of her fear, guilt and despair. Whatever would she do without it?

It had never yet failed her, and as she haphazardly tossed her instruments into her cauldron, she wrapped that blanket around herself, praying that it would help her hold out a little bit longer. For the sakes of her poor, innocent siblings, let her hold out.

Just a little bit longer.

Please?


****
****


Please review!

Next chapter: What y'all have been howling for since chapter four!

A/N: Thanks so much to all the reviewers of the last chapter! Finally, this one is here. I meant to post it before now, but went out of town for Thanksgiving. Hope everybody who celebrates it had a good one! And here y'all go... please, please, please review!

Many thanks to Liss for the beta. You rock, girl!



Chapter Twenty-One - Breakdown


Hermione had been right about them getting back to Ballynore before dinnertime. Barely an hour after they'd arrived at Hogwarts, Harry and Hermione, now with Emerson, Portkeyed into the elegant foyer of their home.

Without a word to them, Emerson picked up her bag and headed for the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked.

She stopped and turned to look at him insolently. "To my room. Where did you think I was going?"

Not for the first time that day, Harry felt a surge of irritation, but before he could speak, Hermione had laid a hand on his arm. "Go ahead," she said softly. "We'll call you down when dinner is ready."

Emerson turned away and continued towards the stairs without another word. As soon as she disappeared from sight, Harry spun around and glared at his wife. "What was that?"

She sighed. "Harry, this is going to be hard enough without the two of you getting into a power contest. What does it matter if she goes to her room now? We won't be talking to her until after dinner, right?"

She was right, but of course he wasn't going to tell her that. So instead, he shrugged out of his cloak and headed to his office. Closing the door behind him, he leaned his head back against it, feeling lost and overwhelmed.

Nothing he had ever done, nothing he had ever endured had prepared him for this feeling of helplessness, of despair. At Hogwarts, he and Hermione had had a long talk with Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore's portrait. For some reason, Dumbledore thought that all this had something to do with the circumstances of Emerson's birth.

Which made absolutely no sense to Harry. Why on earth would that be changing their daughter so drastically? They had always been honest with her about those things and they'd never treated her any differently from their other kids. Emerson was their beloved firstborn, always had been, always would be. Besides, Emerson knew she could talk to them about anything, didn't she? Hadn't they always been open and communicative with her? Why had she shut them out so effectively?

Her teachers had reiterated the concerns of Professor McGonagall. Snape, in particular, told of Em's open hostility these days. Apparently, he'd had to give her detention just yesterday because of that, and Harry had gotten the chance to witness for himself what Snape was talking about.

As they had expected, the students had stared and whispered non-stop when he and Hermione had entered their classroom, which made it easy to note that Emerson hadn't so much as glanced at them once. Harry had just begun to ponder that when he'd looked over at his daughter, just in time to see her features twist in fury.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" he'd distinctly heard Emerson snap at a dark-haired classmate, who flushed and quickly looked away.

Harry had been, at first, shocked, then angry. What kind of language was that to be using in a roomful of people? Hadn't he, hadn't Hermione, raised her better than that? He'd stared in disbelief and perhaps his annoyance had been clearly displayed as well, because Em had quickly dropped her eyes when she'd seen him looking.

And she hadn't said a word to them until that snarkiness in the foyer just now.

Still leaning against his door, Harry took his glasses off and laid his hand over his eyes. Emerson's behavior was beginning to really irritate him, while Hermione tried to play devil's advocate and remind him that they still didn't know why Em was acting the way she was.

One thing he did know, however, was that they had waited too long to get to the bottom of this. But tonight, the buck stopped here. He just hoped it wasn't too late.

"God help us," he murmured quietly.


*****

Hermione set down the pan of steaming lasagna with a flick of her wand, to the cheers of the boys at the table (and yes, that included Harry). She smiled as she took her seat but the smile died when she saw her eldest daughter's face.

Emerson didn't so much as bat an eye when Harry placed a good-sized chunk of the aromatic pasta on her plate. Which was very strange, because Em was usually rabid about lasagna and any other time would be reaching for seconds before most of them had finished their first servings.

Hermione sighed. Em's love for this food had been part of the reason why she'd decided to make lasagna for dinner. She'd thought this might cheer her daughter up even a little, but apparently not. She caught Harry's eye and saw his mouth tighten. She knew he was as anxious as she felt.

Something wasn't right with Em and hadn't been for a long time. At first, Hermione had thought it was just normal, just part of growing up, of entering puberty. Mood swings and irritability were normal for young girls, and at first, that was what it had looked like with Em. Hermione had been almost sure it would pass without too much incident.

But she had always gotten that vague, underlying sense of unease whenever she'd thought about it, Hermione realized. And now, there was no doubt that whatever it was that was affecting Em was much more profound than mere hormonal upsurges. Emerson wasn't so much having mood swings as personality restructuring. This angry, violent girl was not the Emerson they'd always known and adored.

But both she and Harry were fiercely proud of their daughter's independence and maturity, even as they knew that their relationship was strong enough that Em could and would come to them if she needed help. Or so they'd thought. Because even though whatever she was going through seemed to be more than she could handle now, Emerson still showed not the slightest inclination to seek their assistance.

Hermione glanced at Em again. She was playing with her food, moving it around her plate and only taking tiny bites.

"Emerson, isn't this good!" Luke somehow managed to say with his mouth full.

"Chew first and swallow before you talk, Luke," Hermione reminded him, her eyes not leaving Emerson's face. The young girl had looked over at her brother when he spoke, stared at him for a few seconds as if she'd never seen him before, then turned back to her plate.

Luke frowned, clearly puzzled by her lack of response. He had, along with Ben and Vina, been ecstatic upon discovering that Em was home, but his happiness had been met with a cold indifference from his big sister. "Em, isn't this good?" he repeated, gazing expectantly at her, waiting for her to whip out the fake Italian accent that she always used to answer that question.

It was their own little lasagna ritual and she was supposed to say, "Seemplee deeleecious, Budgeet! Seemplee deeleecious!" And they would all laugh. So why wasn't she answering? Why wasn't she even eating?

Luke seemed to sense the tension creeping around the table but he didn't understand what it was. All he knew was that his sister- "Why aren't you eating, Emerson? Isn't the 'sagna good?" he asked, a note of pleading in his voice now.

At last, Em looked up and her green eyes were blazing. "Shut up, Budget!" she snapped. "God, you can be such a pain in the arse!"

Stunned, Luke's green eyes, identical to hers, widened and his bottom lip trembled. His head drooped to his chest and Hermione heard him begin to cry. Nobody moved for a few seconds, then Davina burst into tears too, unable to bear the negativity looming over their gathering.

More worried than angry, Hermione glanced over at Harry and knew at once, that he was feeling the other way around. If he were to open his mouth-

"Emerson, go to your room. Right now!" she said sharply, before her husband could combust.

Their daughter stood up and stormed away. Ben was staring at his plate, his fork frozen in the act of spearing a bite of pasta. His hair stuck out in the back exactly as Harry's did, as her husband stood and picked up Davina.

"It's okay," she heard him telling the little girl, even as she hurried to comfort Luke.

Poor Budget clung to his mother, stung more by his sister's harsh tone than by her words. "Why is Em mad at me, Mummy? Why doesn't she love me anymore? I still love her," he sobbed.

Hermione's heart ached. "Of course she still loves you, Luke. She's just upset about something. It's not you she's mad at."

Luke raised his head to look at her. "Who is she mad at?"

She kissed his sweaty forehead and wiped his cheeks. "I don't know. But I know it's not you. Come on, let's finish dinner, okay?"

Luke shook his head. "I don't feel like eating 'sagna anymore," he whispered, tears spilling out of his eyes again.

Neither did she, Hermione realized. Instead, she and Harry made hot chocolate and once all the kids had solemnly finished their mugs, they all went upstairs. They performed their nightly rituals, she and Harry tucking them in, kissing them good night, telling them they loved them. But Hermione knew that tonight, at least one of them would cry himself to sleep, nursing a wounded heart.


*****

About half an hour later, Harry and Hermione sat together on the couch in his office. Emerson's behavior at dinner had brought something home to them that they had both somewhat been denying to themselves: this was not just between the three of them anymore. Now everyone in the household had been affected and quite frankly, Harry knew this had gone on far too long.

The achingly familiar dredges of guilt were beginning to creep up on him when the door of the office creaked open and he looked up.

"You wanted to see me?" Em asked. Her expression was stony but Harry caught the slight tremor in her voice, so he knew she wasn't feeling as sassy as she appeared. Her eyes seemed to be slightly red around the rims, as well, as if she'd been crying.

"Yes. Come in, close the door and have a seat," he said softly.

She did the first two things but leaned back against the door.

"Have a seat," he repeated.

His daughter crossed her arms defiantly against her chest. "No, thanks. I'd rath-"

"Sit down, Emerson!" Harry said sharply, his patience stretched thin.

She finally obeyed and sat across from them, glaring daggers at him. Hermione squeezed his hand, then rubbed it, non-verbally telling him to calm down. Closing his eyes, Harry took a few deep breaths, trying to get himself under control.

Upon opening his eyes, he looked into their mirror images that were, at the moment, filled with so much anger and loathing that it took all he had not to turn away. Sending up a small prayer for guidance, he leaned forward slightly. "I don't need to tell you how appalling your behavior tonight was. It is obvious that something is going on with you, but that gives you no right to take it out on your brothers and sister like you did. I am expecting you to have apologized to each of them by this time tomorrow. Is that clear?"

Emerson nodded to her knees and Harry let out a breath. Now for the hard part...

"Now, Emerson-" he paused until she looked up. "What is going on?"

She didn't answer but neither did she look away, even as her eyes filled up and overflowed.

"Emerson, talk to us! We want to help you," Hermione pleaded, leaning forward too now.

Their daughter squirmed and flicked her hair agitatedly from her face. "I don't need your help. Why can't you lot give me a chance to do this on my own?"

"To do what?" Harry asked.

"And we have," Hermione added. "We have given you a chance, Em. But things have been deteriorating, not improving. Your grades, your behavior at school, here! This has gone on long enough!"

"And we're not leaving this room until you tell us what's wrong," Harry said firmly. He hated that they had to be strong-arming her like this and he hoped to God that it didn't backfire on them. But in the end, if they managed to get to the bottom of this- in that case, the ends wholly justified the means.

Emerson's fists were clenched and she was perched rigidly on the edge of her chair, biting her bottom lip as if trying to hold herself together. As if she were facing an onslaught of something and her very survival hinged on how white with tension her knuckles could be. "I can't," she choked out, sounding as if each of those two words had cost her chunks of herself.

Hermione slipped off the couch to kneel beside their daughter's chair. "Can't or won't?"

Em broke into heart wrenching sobs. "I c-can't, Mum! I want to tell you so badly but-"

"But what?" Harry asked, kneeling beside her too. "Why not? We are your parents. We need to know. We want to know."

She was trembling now, as if from either fear or extreme cold. Since the room was pleasantly warm, that only left- But what could possibly have frightened his brave, independent daughter so much as to have her quaking like this?

"I feel so guilty already! I couldn't bear it if anything else- if anybody else-" she broke off. "Please, just leave me alone!"

Tears were streaming down Hermione's cheeks now. "We can't, Em. We love you too much."

And that was the straw that broke the camel's back and Emerson was suddenly sobbing so hard, Harry thought she would choke.

"Mum! Oh, Daddy!" she cried, launching herself at them and they held her, crouching in a heap on his office floor, terrified and bewildered.

It took him awhile to realize that his cheeks were wet too, but whose tears were they? His heart was writhing from his daughter's pain and fear, even as his head flooded with the whys and wherefores. What was she guilty about? What had caused all this?

But Emerson was still crying uncontrollably and whatever sounds she made were incoherent. Harry and Hermione could only hold her and whisper that they loved her so much, no matter what, as their tears watered the long tresses of her tortured head.

After close to ten minutes, she seemed to have calmed down enough to shakily wipe her eyes. Harry and Hermione helped her up and they sat on the couch with her between them, holding her hands as if she were a little girl again and they were all about to cross the street.

"Okay?" Hermione asked gently, reaching up with her free hand to move Em's hair out of her face.

Em nodded, although fresh tears leaked from her eyes. She seemed not to notice them. "I'm so sorry for how I've been acting," she choked. "I know I've been a world-class bit- brat for a while now. I'm so sorry! But it was the only way I could think of to do it!"

Harry's brow furrowed. "To do what?"

"To make you lot hate me," Emerson cried, beginning to sob again.

Harry and Hermione exchanged perplexed looks over her head. What the- whatever he'd been expecting her to say, that certainly had not been it.

"Why would you want to make us hate you?" his wife asked, sounding as confounded as Harry felt.

Emerson gripped their hands tighter. "It was the only way I could think of to keep you safe. If I could make you hate me, maybe you wouldn't want to question me anymore. Cause I couldn't answer your questions honestly without putting you all in danger."

Harry's heart pounded in alarm. This seemed to be gearing up to be worse than anything his doomsday imagination had conjured up. Surely if, for instance, she had been assaulted somehow, God forbid, she would want to be with her family, not cut off from them?

"Why did you feel you had to protect us? Has somebody been threatening you?" Hermione was asking.

Their daughter shuddered. "No, but they were threatening to hurt Ben, Budget and Vina. They said if I told you, they would hurt them!"

Harry's mind went numb with fury. "Who are they?"

"I don't know," she replied, shaking her head. "They only send letters and clippings but I've never recognized the handwriting and they've never even signed with a name. Just a smiley face. I don't even know if it's a man or a woman. For some reason, I've always thought it was a woman, though."

No name but a smiley face? Harry and Hermione exchanged a glance. Both of them had had their own run-ins with minor celebrity hounds, received the few odd letters, but neither of them recognized this modus operandi.

"It was stupid of me not to tell you, now that I really think about it. Because if anyone could relate to how it feels, it'd be you," Emerson continued, glancing at them through swollen eyes.

"How what feels?"

Em's bottom lip trembled and when she spoke, her voice was so tiny, Harry had to strain to hear her. "How it feels to have killed someone."

"What?!" Hermione yelped. "Emerson, why would you think something like that? Of course you haven't killed anyone!"

"Yes, I have!" Em cried, bursting into tears again. "I killed Julia! It's my fault that she's dead!"

Oh, Merlin, no. This was what she was guilty about? Oh, God, no wonder she was so messed up! Oh, God. But-

"Emerson, why would you think that?" Harry begged desperately, his heart clenching within him. "We've always been honest with you about Julia and what happened with her. She was ill. Everybody has told you the truth, us, her parents, her friends. You've read the letter that Julia herself wrote for you. Why would you all of a sudden believe such a horrible and untrue thing about yourself?"

Emerson was sobbing again and Hermione held her hand, looking horrified.

"They sent- they s-sent a copy of J-Julia's medical p-papers," Em sobbed, barely able to speak in her distress. "-and her doc-ct-tor wrote in it that he'd re-recommended that she- she terminate the- that she terminate m-me. He said he was quite p-positive she would have lived if she'd taken his advice."

Harry's stomach heaved with anger and he felt sick. What kind of foul, evil- Now was not the time, however, to get angry. There would be a time for it later. His daughter needed him - oh, why had they waited so long- and he still had so many questions.

"Oh, baby," he said, hugging her to him. "Julia chose to keep you alive. It was her choice to make and she made it. It was the cancer that caused her death, not you. You know that; you know that, Emerson."

He felt her tears soaking his shirt and suddenly had the odd thought to make sure she drank lots of fluids tomorrow. All this crying...

"If she hadn't been pregnant with me, she wouldn't have had to choose," Em whispered, her voice heavy with pain. "Then she would've been free to take her medicine and she wouldn't have died."

"We don't know that," Hermione said gently, her voice breaking with emotion. "You didn't ask for her to be pregnant with you."

And although he knew Hermione would never have meant that last statement to have such a result, Harry felt a stab of guilt. This was at least partially his fault. He should have been more careful. He should have cast a charm every single time.

But if you had, then there likely wouldn't be an Emerson. Would you have been better off without her in your life?

No, he wouldn't. He had once come upon a quote that summed it up perfectly: The decision to have a child is to accept that your heart will forever walk outside of your body.

And while he hadn't "decided" to have Emerson - she had been a surprise, she had been a gift - he knew that from the moment he'd known that she was his, that quote was true for him. Harry closed his eyes at that thought, tears squeezing from under the lids as he held his daughter. When he and Hermione had first married, he'd given the two women in his life matching diamond-and-emerald bracelets. On his wife's, the note read, "To Hermione: the best thing that ever happened to me." On his daughter's, he'd written, "To Emerson: the best thing I ever accomplished."

And she was. At that time, she'd been the best. Now she was one of the four best things, and he loved them all equally. But who would he be today if he had not been blessed with that little baby, abandoned at his doorstep? Where would he be without this beautiful and now-wounded young girl that he had tried so hard to protect, but whose innocence was forever shattered in at least one way?

"I love you so much," he whispered, smoothing her tangled hair.

Hermione put her arms around the both of them and for a long moment, they cried together again. When they finally broke apart, both of them looked as drained as Harry felt. Emerson's eyes were swollen and her face was blotchy and tear-stained.

His wife sniffled. "When did you start getting these letters?"

"I got the first one the day after we got back to school last September. I thought it was a note from you, but once I opened it-" her voice trailed off.

A wave of nauseous grief washed over Harry. September. It was now the first week of January, so his daughter had been carrying around this burden, all alone, for four months. No wonder her behavior had changed so drastically!

And yet, she had lasted this long; she was strong, this girl, his Moppet...

"I'm sorry we waited so long to do this," he said softly, feeling sorrow and guilt warring for dominance inside him. "You never should have had to deal with this alone."

Hermione nodded, her eyes filling up again. "I'm so sorry, Em."

Their daughter sniffled and nodded too, giving them a tiny, watery smile. "It's okay."

No, it's not okay. I am her father and I left her alone to deal with that all by herself? No, it's certainly not okay. "You said something about a clipping? In the first letter," he said wearily, trying to focus on something other than his burgeoning guilt.

She nodded again. "Newspaper and magazine clippings, but sometimes other things, like the medical chart."

Hermione closed her eyes briefly as if gathering herself then opened them. "Where are they now?"

"Upstairs. I kept all of them. I'm not sure why, but I just couldn't throw them away."

"I'm glad you didn't. Because they'll be useful in finding the scum who's been doing this." Harry's hand trembled as he laid it gently on her cheek. "I promise you, I will find them. Even if it takes a hundred years, we will find them and make them pay for hurting you. For these lies, for everything."

She nodded, tears shining in her eyes and they all hugged again for a long moment.

Hermione stood up slowly. "I'm going to get you some Sleeping Draught. Go on up to bed and I'll be right there, okay?"

"Okay," Em said, then she and Harry left the office and climbed the stairs slowly to her room. Emerson went to her trunk and came back with what looked like an ordinary, girly shoebox and handed it to her father. "They're all here. To open it, use Alohomora, then Colloportus and Alohomora again, in that order. I didn't want anyone to find it, but if they did, I figured they wouldn't think to use a locking charm to open it," she explained with the faintest ghost of a smile that vanished almost as soon as it appeared.

His clever girl. Harry hugged her fiercely again. "I'll wait here while you get changed."

She nodded, grabbed her pyjamas and went into her bathroom. He heard the water running, just as Hermione came in carrying a tall glass of Sleeping Draught. The two of them sat without a word, numb from what they'd just learned, as they waited. When Em came out, they tucked her in, hugged her tight, told her they loved her, so much, and gave her the potion.

Harry felt tears rolling down his cheeks again as he watched his daughter fall into what was probably the most peaceful sleep in months, and from the sniffle beside him, he knew Hermione was thinking the same thing.

Clutching the shoebox, he took his wife's hand and led her from the room. By tacit agreement, they returned to the rooms of their other children, in turn, tearfully kissing each one. Harry's heart ached at the thought that somebody out there could want to hurt these innocent, rosy-cheeked children, just because of who they were a part of.

When they at last reached their room, they undressed and climbed into bed, still without a word. Harry held Hermione while she cried, his own emotions simmering within him and rendering him dry-eyed, for the time being.

Finally, physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted, they clung together and fell into restless sleep, preparing for the war that had been brought to their doorstep.

A/N: Thanks very much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I hear y'all.. the unanimous sentiment is "Can't wait to see H/Hr give the bitch what she deserves!" I hear ya, and I agree.. but it's not gonna happen immediately, is it? But hey, this is chapter 22 and there will be approx. five more. So not that long, see. Hope y'all will stay with me and please keep reviewing! It means a lot. Thanks.

Muchas gracias to the lovely Lissanne for the beta. Get well soon, luv!



Chapter Twenty-Two - One Step At A Time


She had known this day would arrive and to be honest, she'd been expecting it to come sooner than today.

But the girl had finally cracked, unless she was mistaken; she didn't think she was. After all, she'd been extra careful to magically link her copies with the ones she sent to Emerson Potter, so she would know almost immediately when the girl broke down.

"And she has," Cristella said to herself, feeling strangely calm as she waved her wand around her Notting Hill flat, packing up. "Guess that medical chart was too much for her, eh?"

Even as she smirked with delight, imagining the horror her last letter must have caused her nemesis, she couldn't help but acknowledge that perhaps, just perhaps, the Potter girl was tougher than she'd anticipated. Honestly, she'd expected the girl to have spilled the beans to her parents long before now.

"She must love her siblings more than I thought," Stella muttered, gathering her papers and stuffing them into their box.

But now, the girl had confessed and Cristella knew she couldn't stay where she was. Not anymore. Harry Potter was extremely powerful in the wizarding world and his wife wasn't anything to be sneezed at, either. Not that Cristella was scared of them or anything. But it was just wiser to be prepared, to not be a sitting duck, waiting in the open for them to stumble upon her.

She didn't think they would find her easily, anyway. She had taken care never to include her name in those letters, had taken care to never use the same owl more than once. And since she traveled as part of her job, she got an added bonus in that her owls left from all over the continent. They would have a hard time tracing her, of that she was smugly certain. Needle in a haystack, didn't the saying go?

And, anyway, she was raring to move on. Her boss was getting on her last nerve, and she had decided to discreetly poison him before she left. Really, she would be doing the whole company a favor; the man was such a lecher. How long would it be before he brought the business into disgrace, through one form or another? No, she would be doing them all a massive favor and they would be thanking her for it.

Not that they would know it was her doing.

Besides, it wasn't as if she really needed to work. She was the heir to a large fortune, old Yankee money and, if things progressed the way they seemed to be, it would all be hers. The probate lawyer in charge of the Montgomery estate still hadn't located the only other heir and, happily, Stella didn't foresee that changing any time soon.

She knew where she was going. Her friend has long been urging her to feel free to use their summer home up in a remote corner of Scotland.

"Really, Stella," her friend had said more than once, "You should take a break. Go on up to St. Combs for a weekend, at least. It's gorgeous up there.. sunsets like you wouldn't believe. You could go by yourself sometimes, if you'd rather be alone. Marcus and I don't mind."

Stella smirked to herself at the thought. Of course, Marcus didn't mind. He was getting to shag her, wasn't he? Really, men were all the same. Her friend was a fool to think that just because she was married, she was somehow secure. That was why Stella had never let herself get attached to any one man enough to even contemplate something as silly as matrimony. Because men couldn't help themselves; anything in a skirt was fair game and so what if they were married?

Did Stella feel bad about sleeping with her friend's husband? Goodness, no! Whatever for? It wasn't her fault that her friend couldn't keep the man satisfied. It wasn't her fault that the man couldn't keep his hands off her, so much so than once they'd almost been caught. Actually, the thought of being caught was rather exciting. Sometimes, she had purposefully held off his advances until she knew her friend was about to return home. Then she would let him do what he wanted, and more than once, had exploded with release at the sound of her friend Apparating into the foyer.

"I'm a daredevil, I am," Stella murmured contemptuously, surveying her more or less bare living room. Deciding that she had everything she wanted to take, she clapped her hands. "Okay, let's go."

It was off to St. Combs, after a little detour into Muggle London to take care of her arsehole boss, of course. And once settled into the quaint little fishing village on the edge of the Aberdeenshire coast, she would decide how to ultimately punish Emerson Potter for daring to disobey her.

She had warned the girl, hadn't she? She had said there would be consequences if the daughter of Julia Thomas didn't listen and keep her pretty little mouth shut. Wasn't her fault, was it, if the little brat caved under the burden of the truth?

Rules were rules and, contrary to popular belief, this one was not meant to be broken.

"So it's not over, Julia," she whispered, her blue eyes glinting maniacally. "Not by a long shot."


**********

A weak winter sun was already high in the sky when Emerson woke up late the next morning. For a moment, she lay still and wondered why her head was pounding as it was while, yet, her heart felt lighter than it had in months. She had been miserable for so long that the absence of that sense of misery made her uneasy.

Then, like a gust of fresh mountain air, she remembered.

Last night, she had poured out the whole painful sorry story to her parents. It had felt so good to unload that burden! Why had she kept it to herself for so long? Because she'd wanted to solve it herself? Because of the threats?

Well, now that she thought about it, how could she have forgotten who her parents were? Perhaps because they were just that, her parents, and that was the only thing she saw them as. But that didn't change the fact that they were Harry Potter and Hermione Granger Potter, two people whose names were renowned the wizarding world over. Two people who had, as mere teenagers, contributed to the vanquishing of the most evil Dark Wizard in generations. Heck, her father had been the one to deal the final, fatal blow.

With power like that in her corner, how could she have been so afraid? If her parents could get rid of scum like Voldemort, surely they could more than ably protect their family?

Em rolled over and sighed at that thought, a wave of blessed relief washing over her. She snuggled deeper into her pillow, feeling supremely safe and warm for the first time in many weeks as she wrapped her comforter tighter around herself. For once she hadn't kicked it off the bed during the night, apparently.

Something uneasy still nagged at her but she couldn't figure out what it was. Yawning, she let her eyes roam about her room, taking in its familiar features - the twirling ballerina music box that Grandpa Granger had given her, the framed Cherokee headdress from her Maman, Enigi Thomas. Her gaze landed on a picture of herself and her brothers, carousing at the Burrow. Davina hadn't been born yet, so it had been just her, Ben and Budget. Em smiled as she watched Ben leap frog over her younger self, only to get jumped on by Budget and they all tumbled over laughing, Budget's hair tousled and-

Budget.

The nagging in the back of her head burst into full-on realization that had Emerson bounding out of bed in horror.

She had made Budget cry last night, her sweet, rambunctious little brother. She had to find him and apologize! Em hurried out of her room and down the hallway to the one her brothers shared, her heart hammering within her chest. Nobody answered her knock and the room was empty when she opened the door.

Frowning, she stared at the unmade twin beds for a full minute before she remembered. 'Of course,' she thought, screwing up her face. 'It's Friday, so he and Ben are at school.'

Realizing that she would have to wait until later, Em sighed heavily, closed the door and headed back to her room. She'd almost reached it when her Mum and Davina came up the stairs.

Mum was levitating a tray ahead of her. "Oh, good morning! You're up."

Em nodded. "Yeah. Is that for me?"

"Yes," Davina answered, holding out her arms to her sister, who picked her up and buried her face in the toddler's soft, russet curls.

"Oh, Vina, I'm so sorry," Em whispered, hugging her tight. "I love you so much."

"Love you so much," Davina echoed, her little arms clasped around her big sister's neck.

Mum opened the door and the three of them settled on Em's bed, the tray between them. On the tray was a plate of fluffy scrambled eggs, bacon and buttered toast. A bowl of plump, juicy-looking strawberries sat beside it, as well as a large mug of hot cocoa. Em suddenly realized that she was starving. She hadn't eaten very much at dinner last night and she blushed as she recalled what a bitch she had been.

"Where's Dad?" she asked, trying to take her mind off the disgust she felt at herself.

Mum reached for a strawberry. "He had to go into work. Then he'll be having a meeting with Uncle Draco about- you know."

Em nodded, feeling a rush of hope. Uncle Draco was an Auror and if he was going to be on the case with her parents, whomever had been writing to her didn't stand a chance. "Did Budget go to school?"

"Yeah. We'll go pick him up in about two hours. He only goes half days, remember? Which gives me some time to gather the shreds of my sanity before he gets back to rip it up again," Mum said, but she was smiling. Her soft brown eyes gazed into Em's. "He knows you didn't mean to snap at him."

Emerson found herself suddenly on the verge of tears. "I didn't mean to," she whispered, her voice tight with remorse.

"He knows you didn't," Hermione repeated gently, rubbing her hand. "And he'll be here in a little bit and you can tell him yourself. Okay?"

Nodding again, Em took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. "Thanks, Mum."

"Thank me too," piped up Davina.

Em smiled through her tears at her baby sister. "Thank you, Vina."

"You're welcome," replied Vina primly, causing Em to grab her and shower her little face with kisses, while she wiggled and squealed.

Mum was watching them with a smile on her face, but there were tears in her eyes too, and Em knew her mother was still thinking about last night. The knowledge that she was the cause of Mum's tears sent a wave of guilt washing over Em that had her blinking rapidly so as not to burst out bawling. Once she decided that she could swallow without choking on the lump in her throat, she set to eating her breakfast, smiling and chattering with her little sister, who seemed to have a lot to say.

"Do you want a hug from Ol' Bob?" Vina asked suddenly, gazing seriously up at Em with her big, hazel eyes.

Em smiled at her. "I would like that, yes."

"I'll go get him," Vina said, scrambling off the bed. She toddled away, then paused at the door and looked back. "You wait right there, okay?"

"Yes, Vina," Em answered with a little chuckle. Davina was just so cute.

As soon as her sister left the room though, her Mum spoke. "How are you feeling?"

Emerson looked up at her. Mum's face bore a worried frown, and her brown eyes were anxious. "I'm all right."

Mum looked skeptical. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, I-I feel kind of stupid, but other than that- I just can't believe I kept it to myself for so long."

"It's not your fault, Em," her mother said gently. "In fact-"

"You don't understand," Em interrupted, shaking her head, feeling the still painful remnants of her misery welling up within her. "Lyna kept urging me to tell you, to tell someone. But I couldn't. I was so s-scared, Mum! In the last letter, they said something like 'Budget is very cute, isn't he? It would be a shame if that had to change.' How did they find out his nickname? Only our family and our friends know it. I couldn't do it- I even made Lyna lie to you about that letter you sent! I'm so stupid!" All her emotions came rushing back and she began sobbing, even as her Mum's arms wrapped around her.

"You're not stupid, don't ever think that," Mum whispered, stroking Em's hair. "You did what you thought you needed to do, which was to keep your siblings safe, even if it meant you had to carry the burden alone. And that was very brave, Emerson, though I wish with all my heart that you had told us the instant you received that first letter. But what I was about to say is that I understand why you couldn't, because there was something else too."

Em raised her head. "What?"

"Whomever had been writing to you had put Suppression and Compulsion Hexes on the letters," Mum said, and for a moment such fury flashed in her eyes that she looked almost frightening.

"What?" Em repeated numbly.

"Compulsion, so that even if you tried not to, you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from reading them. And Suppression, so that as much as you wanted to, you couldn't tell someone. I'm guessing that the emotional strain on you last night was so strong that it broke the Suppression Hex."

Tears streamed unchecked down Emerson's cheeks as she realized that Smiley hated her that much, hated her enough to force her to endure the horror for as long as she had. "Why? What d-did I ever do to m-m-make somebody-"

"You didn't do anything," Mum said fiercely. "Do you understand me? This was not your fault. This is a seriously imbalanced person who has done this, and it was in no way your fault."

Emerson clung to her mother and cried in her embrace, her heart heavy with pain. She couldn't bear to tell her Mum what was really bothering her, about how unclean she felt, how unworthy. She didn't deserve them, any of them.

But, somehow, as if hearing the excruciating thought, her Mum pulled away and gazed into her eyes. "That's not all, though, is it?"

"W-What d'you mean?" Em asked shakily, wiping her eyes with a trembling hand.

Hermione's cheeks were wet with tears. "The things that person said about you in those letters, all those lies. You didn't believe them, did you?"

Oh Merlin help her, but she had! She did believe them. But Em couldn't bear to voice that, couldn't bear to make her mother look any more anguished than she already did. "I don't want to talk about it," she whispered. "I-I mean, not with you."

A second later, she glanced up, horrified to see Hermione looking slightly hurt. "I didn't mean it like that, Mum! I do want to talk about it... it's just- it- it's kind of embarrassing and..." Her voice trailed off miserably.

"I understand. I do," Mum said softly, squeezing her hand. "You want to talk about it, but with someone outside of it all. Right?"

Em nodded, feeling relief washing over her. "Exactly. And then, maybe later... I mean, that might help me share it with you... and Dad..."

"Yeah," Mum said, nodding as well. "I'm sure we can find someone. A professional, someone we can trust, who has the experience and knows how best to help with these matters." She seemed to be lost in thought for a few seconds before gazing seriously at Em, her eyes earnest. "But you do know that no matter what, no matter what, you can talk to me, to Dad? We love you so much, Emerson."

"I love you, too, Mum," Em choked, throwing her arms around her mother again, hope swelling within her that maybe, just maybe, she might be able to rise up from the dark abyss of despair that Smiley's brutal words had shoved her into. "I love you, too."

The two Potter women clung to each other for a long moment, until the voice of the third little Potter female reached their ears, happily proclaiming the arrival of a battered, stuffed bunny. Em pulled away from her Mum and hastily wiped her eyes, before turning to her baby sister and sweeping her back onto the bed. She obligingly gave Ol' Bob a big hug and a kiss on his faded pink nose, while Davina laughed with delight and Mum beamed tearily over at them.

One step at a time. That was how she would do it, that was how she would recover. With the love of her family, the laughter of her sister, the desperately anticipated forgiveness of her precious little brother who would be home in an hour's time... she would get there.

She would make it.


*********

Dropping a stack of Quidditch plays on his desk, Harry sank wearily into the chair in his office at Ballynore. His head ached from forcing himself to remain composed all day, to keep a hold of himself, and he closed his eyes as he remembered why that was so.

Last night, his daughter had finally confessed what had been burdening her and it had been greater and more terrible than anything he had imagined. The farthest his mind had speculated was that perhaps Emerson had been assaulted somehow and her drastic personality shift was a result of shame and guilt. It was a terrible thing to think about his twelve year old daughter, but the changes lately had made them not quite so far fetched.

Although he couldn't bear to voice them to anyone, not even Hermione.

Thank God he was wrong about that angle, but wasn't what had actually happened worse, in a way? Emerson had been psychologically abused, in a manner of speaking. The very essence of who she was had been attacked, to the extent that she had tried so hard to alienate them, to push them away.

What kind of sick fuck had done this? What was their motivation? Why had they been so dedicated to hurting his daughter? Why?

He had opened the shoebox and the sheer number and variety of clippings shocked him. Emerson had arranged them by the date of their receipt and the letters were in their own compartment, similarly arranged.

Harry blinked back tears as he imagined his daughter huddled on her bed, categorizing those foul items that were poisoning her mind against herself and her family. His blood began to boil as he recalled some of the letters. How dare- when he found them, him, her, whomever, when he got his hands on them- those fu-

CRASH!

He was jerked back to himself by the sound of the small paperweight on his desk suddenly imploding on itself. Only then did he become aware of the fact that his fists were clenched so hard his fingernails had literally cut into his palms and his breathing was ragged.

"Calm down," he told himself, taking deep gulps of air. "Calm down. You'll be of no use to anyone if you give yourself a coronary."

Ignoring the stinging in his palms, Harry grabbed his wand and Reparoed the paperweight. From slightly behind him and to his right, he heard what was unmistakably the glass doors to the back porch sliding shut with a slam. Merlin, if he'd told those kids once, he'd told them a couple hundred times not to slam those doors. And no, it didn't matter that the doors had built-in Unbreakable Charms!

Sighing, he got up to gaze out the large window of his office. A timid winter sun was poking its head out of iron-gray clouds that resolutely promised snow. The storm was rolling in from the east but probably wouldn't be here for at least another hour.

Looking to his left, Harry saw Luke sitting cross-legged on the floor of the porch, scribbling onto a piece of parchment with his magic markers. If there was one thing he was particularly proud of about his estate, it was that the huge back porch was a safe and comfortable place to laze about in any sort of weather, be it rain, snow or sun. He and Hermione had had Professor Flitwick himself come down and install the charms, and it couldn't get any better than that.

A flicker of movement from the doorway caught his eye and he saw Emerson watching Luke, as if hesitating about whether or not to approach him. Harry knew why Em looked so apprehensive; she was obviously about to apologize for snapping at her brother so venomously the night before.

After a few seconds, Em walked over to Luke and squatted beside him. She appeared to say something, probably asking for permission to sit because Luke nodded and she sat.

Curious, Harry tapped the glass with his wand. "Sonorus."

Instantly, he could hear his children as clearly as if they were actually in the room with him.

"Budget, I'm really sorry about last night," Emerson was saying, and she did sound grievously contrite. "I know I hurt your feelings and I'm so very sorry. Can you forgive me?"

The little boy seemed to think hard for a full minute before he looked up at his sister. "Yes. I forgive you."

Em threw her arms around him and repeatedly kissed his rich chocolate head. "Thank you. I love you so much, Lukas."

"I love you, too," Luke answered before wiggling out of her embrace. "Mummy said you were just upset about something."

Em nodded. "Yeah. But I feel better now cause I told Mum and Dad about it."

"You told Daddy?"

"Yeah, I did."

Luke looked up at her. "Well, that's good then," he said seriously. "Everything will be all right now cause Daddy is a badass and he'll make it all better."

Harry stepped back so fast that he whacked his head on the side of the window. What did Luke just say?!

Emerson's eyes were huge. "Budget! Where did you hear that word?"

"From Tristan," Luke replied matter-of-factly. "Is it true, Em? Is Daddy a badass?"

Harry's daughter burst out laughing, but he was still too shocked to have the same reaction as he gaped out the window at his children.

"Oh, Budget," Em giggled. "Don't say that word anymore, okay? It's not a good word."

Luke nodded and Em put her arms around him again, dropping another kiss on his small forehead that was exactly like Hermione's. "But to answer your question: yes, he is. He's the best, most powerful one and it was stupid of me to keep my problems to myself for so long. I know we'll be fine now."

"Quietus."

Harry stepped numbly away from the window and sat back down behind his desk. Rubbing his head where he'd bumped it, he felt myriad emotions. Happiness at the faith his son and daughter had just shown in him, anger that she'd even had to worry at all, fear that he might let her down, that he might never find who had been terrorizing her.

How did he even begin to search for someone like that? Someone who had not only sent those foul writings, but had used Dark magic on the letters so that Emerson could neither resist reading them nor tell someone, even if she wanted to? He'd made copies of everything in the shoebox and given it to Malfoy this afternoon. Malfoy, Ron and Remus had been almost as shocked and outraged as Harry had been upon hearing about what had been happening to Emerson.

Harry had told them the whole story, beginning with Emerson's not trying out for the Quidditch team, all the way to her breakdown last night. He hadn't been able to sit still at all, had needed to pace, to dart all over the room as he talked, as if afraid that his rage would overtake and incinerate him if he stayed still for too long.

And the almost frightened glances that the other men exchanged hadn't escaped his notice.

There was a knock on his door and the next second, Hermione poked her head in. "Everything all right?"

Harry blinked at her. "Er, sure. Why?"

"Thought I heard a crash in here," she said, coming into the room and closing the door. "Though, come to think of it, that was probably Luke."

"No, it was me. I accidentally broke this," he said, holding up the paperweight. "It's good as new again. Speaking of Luke, though, he's learned a new word."

Hermione's eyes lit up as she sat down across from him. Luke had a rather extensive vocabulary for a five-year-old and Harry knew that that was a not-so-secret source of pride for his wife. "Really? What word?"

He fought to keep a straight face, his initial shock having given way to amusement. "Badass."

"What? Harry, don't make jokes like that!" Hermione exclaimed, looking chagrined.

Harry laughed. "I'm not joking. Your son just now said that word to Emerson."

Hermione gaped for a few seconds, then took a deep breath. "What was the context of the sentence that your son used the word in?"

"If I recall correctly, it was 'Daddy is a badass and he'll make it all better.' He then went on to ask Em if I really am one," Harry recited, chuckling now at the conflicted look on Hermione's face. He knew she found it as funny as he did but that she largely disapproved of such language - even though, when she was hopping mad (or in the throes of ecstasy), she had quite the repertoire herself. Of course Harry enjoyed being alive too much to ever take the mickey out of her about that.

"Hmph," Hermione said with her brow furrowed and her eyes downcast.

Harry grinned. "Come on, admit it. It's funny." He adopted a little boy voice. "Is it true, Em? Is Daddy a badass?"

Hermione broke into a fit of silent giggles before she started laughing outright. He joined her and for a moment, it seemed that the atmosphere in the Potter household was completely normal and not tinged with any sort of anger and unease.

After a few moments, his wife wiped her eyes as she shook her head. "Where do they learn that stuff?"

Harry arched his eyebrows. "You're asking me?" He dodged the quill she threw at him. "In this particular case, though, it was from Tristan Malfoy."

"Ah, I should have known." She was quiet for a moment, staring at him, and Harry knew she was reading him like a book. The times were rare when he felt like this, but sometimes Harry wished she didn't know him quite so well. She always respected his privacy when he needed it, letting him pretend that she didn't know what he was thinking but the fact remained that she knew.

Her voice was gentle when next she spoke. "What was Em's answer?"

And to his horror, Harry found himself blinking back tears. He kept his eyes trained on the paperweight that had shattered earlier, trying to regroup his anger, to beat back the fear, the guilt that was threatening to overwhelm him. What right did he have to dwell on those emotions when someone out there was walking around unpunished, having hurt his child? And not only that, but someone out there was threatening the very source and sustenance of his existence - his family.

His voice was hard when he finally responded. "She answered in the affirmative. And I'm going to have to be, Hermione." He looked up into her eyes, which were shining with tears. "Things had been going too well. I should have known something would happen, that we'd be attacked sooner or later. But I kept telling myself that I'm the one they would go after. I'm Harry Potter. Am I arrogant or what?"

She shook her head, opening her mouth to speak, but he hurried on before she could. He didn't want to be diverted from this liberating line of thought. "But they went after my daughter. My daughter who can't help how or with whom she was created any more than she can reduce how much we love her."

The rage was rampaging freely through his veins once more, effectively obliterating any other emotion. Which was exactly what Harry wanted right now because he feared that if he fell victim to his own fear and guilt, he would never get up again.

Besides, the madder he got, the better because somebody had hurt his baby and somebody would pay. And the madder he got, the harder that somebody would hurt when he got to them, him, her, whomever.

"They can say whatever they want about me. They can do whatever they want to me. But nobody fucks with my family. Nobody."

A/N: Thanks to everyone for reviewing the last chapter! Bad-ass!Harry was quite a hit, eh? :) Only four more chapters left to go (three more and an epilogue). They will be long, because I still have a few loose ends to tie up, don't I? But everything will be addressed (I hope). Thanks for sticking with me and please keep reviewing!



Chapter Twenty-Three - This Present Darkness


As the weekend rolled around, Hermione found herself frequently assailed by bouts of anxiety that had her bustling about in a near-panic. Now that they knew what had been happening to Emerson, it was up to them to get to the bottom of this, to find the person who had dared assault their family.

Not since the days of Voldemort had Hermione felt such rage and hatred towards any one person. With Voldemort, it was primarily her love for Harry that had made her loathe the Dark Lord with such a degree of severity. Most people had hated him, for sure, and he was definitely feared by the majority. But Hermione found that her feelings had gone beyond mere hatred, simply because she had lived daily with what Voldemort's existence caused Harry to endure. And she had loved Harry so much, more than she had thought it possible to love someone.

With becoming a mother, however, she'd discovered that there was another type of love, which ran, if not deeper, then purer than the love she had for her husband. There was nothing she wouldn't do for her children, and the thought of any of them hurt or in danger caused her physical pain. She had tried so hard to keep them safe, to ensure that their lives were as normal and carefree as possible.

But she had failed.

And her daughter, although slowly regaining herself, was still prone to fits of tears and surliness. More than once this weekend, she had seen Luke or Davina casting their big sister confused glances, clearly wondering why their Em was acting so differently.

Hermione sighed, reaching up to rub her eyes. It would take time for Emerson to get back to normal. For four months, she had been absorbing the painful lies of the mysterious letter writer... recovery would not occur overnight, not from this.

"Hey, Hermione, where'd you say the marshmallows were?" called a voice from behind her.

She took a deep breath and fastened a smile onto her face before turning around. "On the kitchen counter, beside the plates."

Nina Weasley smiled. "Okay. The junkies are clamoring for their sugar fix."

"As if they need any more sugar," Hermione said derisively as they headed to Ballynore's huge kitchen. "I've already had to order Luke out of the orchard twice. It's too wet and cold in there for them, but do you notice how they would rather go where they're not supposed to?"

Nina laughed. "That's the whole life's mission of kids, didn't you know? To exasperate their parents to no end."

"You don't say. Here you go, then. I'll be right out with the other stuff," she said, handing Nina the bag of fluffy sweets.

The sounds of the children drifted in from outside when Nina opened the sliding doors to the back porch and Hermione caught a glimpse of Emerson laughing with Carolyna Lupin. Lyna had asked to come home for the weekend too, to keep Em company, and had tearfully apologized to Hermione and Harry for keeping the secret for so long, as well as for lying to them by letter.

She and Harry had, of course, reassured Carolyna that they forgave her, that at least they knew the truth now and could all work together to help Em back to normal. This gathering of families was one way to help Em, though the children didn't know that that was what they were here for. They just thought it was a day to have fun at Ballynore with their "ultra-cool" (as Matthew had phrased it) Uncle Harry and Aunt Hermione.

The grown-ups were doing their part as well. Hermione's father had passed along the name of a Muggle psychologist whom he felt was excellent and could be trusted. Apparently, this doctor had years of experience working with traumatized children and had known Mr. Granger for years. Conveniently enough, this doctor was married to a wizard, so the news of letters being delivered by owl, for instance, wouldn't come across as abnormal. She had already expressed interest in perhaps counseling Emerson; Harry and Hermione had a meeting scheduled with her for the beginning of the next week.

All the adults in their immediate circle of friends had now been informed of what had happened to Em, and the support had been instantaneous and unanimous. Ginny Malfoy, in particular, who had had a slightly similar poison-quill experience in her first year at Hogwarts, had been especially furious.

"When you find the scum, be sure to let me know where you've buried him, Hermione, so I can dig him up and murder him slowly and painfully all over again," the red-haired woman had said vociferously, her brown eyes flashing.

"That is assuming there's anything left of him to bury," Angelina murmured, her features twisted in outrage.

Luna nodded, her arms folded almost protectively across her pregnant belly. "That's true. Cause wouldn't Harry incinerate him with a single glance?"

The women had fallen silent at that, because all of them had witnessed Harry Potter in a towering, murderous rage once before. And needless to say, the sparse remnants of his opponent had now been pushing up dandelions for more than two decades.

The fact that Dark magic was involved made the situation that much more volatile, because the very trajectory of Harry's life had been altered by the darkness of the human nature. All the pain and heartache that the Dark had caused him had made him violently abhorrent of anything to do with it, and now it had somehow accessed one of his children?

Her heart thumping almost painfully within her, Hermione looked across the wide porch at her husband, who was deep in conversation with Ron and Malfoy. His anger last night had been almost frightening to behold. In fact, unless she was mistaken, his emotions had inadvertently caused the paperweight on his desk to explode.

And it wasn't often or easily that Harry Potter lost control like that.

'It's funny, though, how everybody is referring to the letter writer as him', Hermione mused to herself. Because she was almost certain they were dealing with a woman. The tone of the letters had an unmistakable feminine aura, and the jibes and grievances being aired came across as rather schoolgirlish - all that railing against Julia Thomas, a woman who had been dead for a dozen years now.

The very first thing Hermione had done yesterday, the morning after Emerson's breakdown, had been to write letters to America, to Julia's parents and Merry Reynolds. She had detailed what had been happening to Em and had included snippets of the letters, to give them a feel of the type of person they were up against. She had sent Fleet, her trusty stealth owl, and even though he'd been gone only a day, Hermione was expecting him back any minute. He was honestly that efficient, and this was definitely one time when he needed to be performing at the peak of his capability.

Besides, of course the Thomases and Merry wouldn't hesitate to respond as soon as humanly possible. Hermione knew they adored Emerson as much as she did and the faster things got underway, the better.

Suppressing another sigh of anxiety, she turned her attention onto the children running and shouting on the wide lawn covered with a light sprinkling of soft grayish snow. All of them were rosy-cheeked from the cold, but none of them seemed to mind. Here and there, the adults had conjured little multi-colored fires for the kids to roast their marshmallows. This brand of marshmallows always toasted just right, depending on the toaster's preferences and unbreakable Anti-burn charms had been placed around each fire for the children's safety.

His unruly hair hidden under a knitted Puddlemere United cap, Ben was holding a stick over a vivid blue flame while elbowing Andy Wood, who said something that made Ben laugh. Luke was huddled a short distance away with Tristan Malfoy, as well as Ron and Luna's flame-haired Alex. Probably up to nothing remotely resembling good, so Hermione watched them for a few minutes. Luke had a monkey-like tendency to scramble up trees and she didn't like for him to do it at all, let alone when everything was so icy and frozen.

But would he listen? Twice now she'd already ordered him away from the orchard, and Hermione kept a beady eye on him in case he got any more ideas. When it appeared that they were just hanging around squabbling over their marshmallows, however, she allowed her gaze to wander back to Emerson.

The young girl was holding Davina on her lap and listening, with a delighted expression, to a red-faced Carolyna. Em beamed at her friend then, as if sensing her mother's gaze, looked up and smiled over at her. Hermione smiled back, feeling tears prickling at her eyelids. Em was so beautiful when she smiled and oh Merlin, let them find this woman who had somehow managed to dim the light in those lovely eyes, so like those of the man she loved. Let them find her, and may God have mercy on-

A sudden sickening crack rent the cold afternoon air, followed almost immediately by an anguished scream. Every head whipped around in the direction of the grove of trees that waved naked branches to the overcast sky. Her eyes rapidly scanning the grounds, Hermione quickly realized that Luke, Tristan and Alex were no longer on the lawn.

Oh, no.

Harry, his wand in hand, was already bounding down the steps and sprinting through the snow, Malfoy and Ron following closely behind him. Her heart in her throat, Hermione ran forward too, but she had barely reached the edge of the porch than they were coming back, their faces white with fear. Harry was carrying a screaming Luke while Ron and Malfoy each had a horrified-looking son by the arm.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Hermione cried, running out to meet them. "Luke!"

"He fell," Harry said grimly, over their son's anguished yells. "He climbed a tree in the orchard but the branch was frozen and brittle and it broke."

How many times had she told Luke not to climb the trees? How many times today had she told him to stay out- why had she looked away from him? Why hadn't she been watching-

Now was not the time for self-recrimination. Luke's left arm hung at an impossible angle and his face was white and tinged with green. "Hold him still so I can numb his arm," she said shakily, fighting not to burst into tears at the obvious pain that her little boy was in.

The charm seemed to help because slowly color returned to Luke's face and his screams lost that agonizing quality. He curled into his father's chest, sobbing, and Harry seemed not too far from breaking down himself.

In spite of the chill, Hermione was sweating, blood and adrenaline pounding in her ears. The whole thing had transpired in the matter of a scant few minutes, yet she felt suddenly fatigued. As if from a great distance, she heard Davina crying and turning towards her daughter, felt her blood run cold. But not because of Vina.

It was Emerson. The young girl was as still as a statue, her face frozen, her green eyes wide with terror. She was still holding Davina, but it was as if she'd forgotten about her sister, even though the toddler was screaming right into her face.

Without even thinking about it, Hermione had crossed over to her and touched her cheek, peering urgently into her eyes. "It's okay, Em. He's fine."

"Smiley," Emerson muttered in a terrified whisper, her body rigid. "Smiley hurt him- it's my fault-"

Oh, God. Hermione tried very hard not to weep as she reached up and held Emerson's face in both hands. "No, it's not Smiley. He climbed a tree and he fell, that's all. Okay? It's not you."

Emerson took a deep, sobbing breath and began to hyperventilate, her eyes squeezed shut. Davina, as if somehow sensing her sister's need, suddenly stopped crying and wrapped her little arms around Em's neck. At that, Em's eyes flew open and she shuddered. "He climbed a tree and he fell," she parroted woodenly, as if scarcely daring to believe it.

"Yes," Hermione managed and watched her daughter's arms tighten around Davina in relief.

"Go to him, Mum. He needs you," Emerson said softly, tears shining in her eyes. "I'll take care of Vina for you."

Nodding through her own tears, Hermione hugged her two girls, then turned to go, nearly colliding with Ben, who was coming over anxiously. After briefly crushing her eldest son to her, she hurried back to Harry and took Luke from him. "I'll take him upstairs."

Harry nodded, his features twisted with pain, and she knew there was more than one source. The other children were all subdued, obviously confused by what had just so rapidly transpired and as Hermione headed inside, tenderly cradling her son, she heard Nina, in a determinedly jovial voice, calling them all towards her for "s'mores lessons!"

Angelina, who had trained as a nurse during the Second War, helped Hermione settle the still-sniffling Luke on his bed. They quickly deduced that he had broken his arm in two places, as well as sustained a hairline fracture of his wrist. Each wound was healed with a gentle tap from her wand, but they knew he would still be sore for at least a few days. After helping Luke sip from a cup of mild Sleeping Draught laced with pain reliever, they watched him lay back, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Thanks, Angelina," Hermione said softly, glancing up at the other woman, who nodded once.

"No thanks needed. We're all family here." She stood up. "I'm going to go back downstairs, okay? Holler if you need me."

The door closed quietly behind her and Hermione stared at her green-eyed son, who looked up at her and drowsily smiled Harry's smile. "Hi, Mum."

She reached out and smoothed his hair back from his cool forehead, sighing with relief and weariness. "Lukas James, how many times have I told you not to climb those trees?"

"I'm sorry. But Tristan dared me, Mum," Budget mumbled sleepily, his eyelids drooping heavily. "And- and you can't back down from a dare, you know, cuz-"

But why she couldn't back down from a dare Hermione never discovered, because Luke's eyes slid shut and he sighed. Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head slowly. This child would be the death of her.

She had known he would keep them on their toes from the very beginning. The first twelve weeks of her pregnancy with Luke had been characterized by such violent morning sickness that Hermione had had to practically take up residence in the loo. That had given way to an extremely active baby, who sometimes kicked her so hard she would involuntarily yelp out loud.

Hermione had gone into the delivery room mentally unprepared. Ben had had a fever the night before and a part of her was still at Ballynore with him, worrying about whether he'd gotten enough sleep, enough fluids. And had the Fever-Reducing Potion worked? Was his temperature down?

The news that the baby had twisted around at the last minute and was now in a rare kneeling breech position did not help matters at all. By the last quarter of her labor, Hermione was hysterical enough with anxiety to scream at the Healers that she didn't care what they did, to "just get this bloody kid out of me!"

The Healers had managed to delicately move Luke around into the proper position, no mean feat considering they were working in a such confined space. After administering her some medication, they'd checked her again and informed her and Harry that it would be at least another half hour before she could push.

Barely five minutes later, Harry was yelling for the Healers, who got there just in time to catch the furious infant.

The Senior Healer had turned to his partner in bewilderment. "Didn't we just examine her? How did this kid get out so quickly?"

"I dunno," the other man replied, his eyes wide but amused. "Maybe he heard you say 'another half hour' and went 'Oh, hell no!'"

Neither their exchange nor the subsequent chuckles were noticed by the young parents, who were too busy sobbing happily over the tiny, ruddy-faced boy. Hermione and Harry had taken home the temporarily blond infant, where he was quickly assigned the apt nickname of "The Fuss Budget". He demanded to be fed every two hours on the hour and would only go to sleep if rocked in a certain way. And sometimes he would scream seemingly just for the heck of it, because nothing at all that she did would help, and Hermione would hold him and cry right along with him out of utter helplessness.

Strangely, when he got like that, one of the only things that could calm him was a seven-year-old Emerson's lisping rendition of "Morning Has Broken", of all things.

But once his needs had been met to the most accurate of extents, Luke was a wonderful baby. He showered his parents and siblings with laughter and coos, babbling in response whenever they spoke to him, as if agreeing that yes, he did know that he was the cutest kid in the history of civilization.

Thankfully, the "fuss" part of his personality reduced dramatically by the time he turned four and for their perseverance, they were awarded the astute and rambunctious daredevil who had now managed to break his arm in two places.

Hermione sat beside Luke's bed for a long time, watching him slumber peacefully. Other than a bit of soreness over the next few days, he would be perfectly fine again, and in time would probably not even recall what had happened today.

"If only that were true for Emerson as well," she whispered sadly, recalling the look of terror on her daughter's face. Hermione shook her head suddenly and stood up. There was no need to be wondering anymore, not now that they knew which way was up. It was time to get to work, to get busy, to get revenge.

Upon dropping a kiss on Luke's smooth brow, she left the room and headed back downstairs, determined to roll up her sleeves and get this ball going once and for all. Her daughter was counting on her, on them all.

"So come on home, Fleet. Come on back."


********

Emerson woke up the next morning feeling strangely bewildered. She had had the most bizarre dream that Julia's old friend, Merry Reynolds, had been in her room and had been hugging her as she slept, weeping into her tangled ebony hair.

Of course Merry hadn't really been in her room, Em knew, but it had just felt so real. The human brain was definitely a weird mechanism, she decided as she got ready for her day. Carolyna had already gone downstairs, and Em's stomach rumbled as the aroma of bangers and mash drifted up to her room.

"Morning," Lyna said with a smile when Em entered the kitchen.

Emerson smiled back. "Hey." She walked over to the table and sat down across from her best friend. "Man, that looks good!"

"It is good," Lyna managed, her cheeks bulging, and conversation quickly perished as the girls broke their nightly fast.

Finally, Em put down her knife and fork and sighed contentedly. "Ah, that's the ticket." She looked around the otherwise deserted kitchen for what was probably the first time since she'd entered it and frowned. "Where's everybody?"

"Oh, Uncle Ron came and took your brothers and sister over to his house," Lyna said carefully.

Em's frown deepened. "Why?"

"Well, your Mum and Dad said that when we're done eating, we're to go to your Mum's office," her friend answered, looking slightly anxious. "Your Mum's owl came back last night."

Emerson's heart was suddenly pounding and her mouth went dry. She knew that Mum had sent Fleet to Papi and Maman, as well as Merry, looking for answers about Smiley. Maybe that was why she'd had that weird dream? Maybe they'd gotten some answers?

Only one way to find out. Em forced herself to smile as she pushed her chair back. "Well, I guess we should go now, then?"

Lyna nodded and the two girls left the kitchen and climbed the gleaming marble stairs to Hermione's office. Taking a deep breath, Em knocked and a few seconds later, the door was opened. It was her Dad and he smiled when he saw her.

"Hey," he said, pulling her into a hug, and for once, Em didn't mind and hugged him back.

"Hi, Dad."

Her father hugged Carolyna as well and they went into the office, where Mum was sitting behind her desk, which was covered in papers and parchments. Mum hugged the both of them too and then they all sat. Em's palms were sweating at the prospect of finally having a name, maybe even a face, to put to the person who had been tormenting her for so many weeks.

She opened her mouth to ask but what came out was: "How's Budget?"

Her mother smiled. "He's perfectly fine. You know how he is. By this time tomorrow, he'll be trying to sneak back into the orchard to scramble up the trees again." Mum's smile faded after a few seconds, though, and she sighed. "But I'm guessing you want to know if we know anything new?"

Not trusting her voice not to betray her jumble of emotions, Em simply nodded. It was her Dad who spoke, his voice held carefully level. "Smiley is a woman. Her name is Cristella Montgomery."

Cristella Montgomery. Cristella Montgomery. The name echoed in Emerson's head like a clanging gong and she resisted the impulse to shudder. So this was who had been terrorizing her? This was who hated her so much? But- "I don't think I've ever heard of her. Who is she?"

Her parents exchanged a glance. "Actually, you have. In fact, you met her last summer in Dallas, were introduced and everything."

"I was?" Em asked numbly, her eyes wide before turning to her friend. "Do you remember her, Lyna?"

Carolyna was frowning, her forehead creased in concentration as she thought hard and then her eyes widened. "Yeah, I do! Remember, Em, the day we went to that Muggle mall and got your ears pierced? That woman who was talking to Merry when we came back from the loo?"

Emerson blinked, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, trying to conjure up an image. And then, she remembered.


She and Lyna had spent the night at Merry's house, having a kind of girls' night in. Though as Merry pointed out, it wasn't a pure girls' night since there was a male present, her six-month-old son, Blake. But since Blake was fast asleep and Merry's husband, Dave, was out with his friends, it'd been essentially just the three of them.

They'd stayed up late talking and laughing, eating ice cream and painting their nails. Merry had taught them the charm for shaving their legs and then the discussion had gotten around to piercings. Merry had had one in her belly-button before she'd gotten pregnant with Blake and she'd declared that once was enough, thank you very much.

"I'm perfectly content with just my ears now," she said, dipping her spoon into the container of hot fudge sundae.

"I wanna get my ears pierced," Em decided suddenly. "Can we do that at the mall you're taking us to, Merry?"

"Well, I can, but we should probably ask your parents first," Merry answered, smiling over at her. "I'll send them an express owl before we turn in."

Em beamed. "Wicked! How 'bout you, Lyna? Wanna get one too?"

"Nope," Lyna said, looking a little squeamish. "No perforations for me, thanks. What if your parents say no?"

Em shrugged. "I don't think they will. It's just the one piercing in each ear."

"Which is all I would allow you to get anyway," Merry said, getting up and stretching. "I really enjoy having you here but your folks might never let you come back if I send you home hairless and full of holes."

Em and Lyna had dissolved into helpless laughter and soon afterwards went to bed, giggling and whispering to each other for a long time before falling asleep. Late the next morning, Fleet arrived with the okay from Harry and Hermione. So, true to her word, Merry took Em and Lyna to the Grapevine Mills Mall, where Emerson got a tiny diamond stud inserted into each earlobe. While Merry lingered behind with the merchant, discussing jewelry, the two girls hurried into the nearest bathroom to squeal over and admire the recent additions to Emerson's person.

On their way back to Merry, their nostrils were ensnared by the most delicious aroma and they glanced at each other.

"Let's check it out," Em said, hooking elbows with Lyna and they quickly headed in the direction of the smell, which turned out to be a pretzel shop called Auntie Anne's.

The girls dawdled, trying to decide which scrumptious flavor they would each get; if they had any money, that is. They hadn't had any of their wizard money changed into the Muggle version, so until they got back to Merry, all they could do was salivate longingly.

"Hey, are you from Hawaii?" a voice asked from her right and Em looked up. The speaker was a tall, dark-haired boy with gray eyes behind the Auntie Anne's counter, sporting a name tag which read "Troy".

"Me? No. Why?"

Troy grinned. "Well, you have that exotic look. The skin, the hair. Though maybe not the eyes; yours are unique."

Emerson grinned back. He was cute. "No. I'm from Britain."

"Ah, now that you speak, I can tell," Troy said. "So what brings you ladies to balmy Dallas? Y'all tourists?"

"Well, in a manner of speaking. I was born here actually, but I've lived in England since I was a few months old. We're here visiting my grandparents. I'm Emerson and this is Carolyna," Em said, smiling over at her friend.

Troy smiled at Lyna. "Ah, Carolyna," he said in his throaty Texas drawl and Lyna colored slightly. "By the way, who are your grandparents?"

"Herb and Enigi T-" Em began but was interrupted.

"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas!" Troy exclaimed, looking excited. "I mow their lawn every now and then, and it's a pretty big one too. So you're their granddaughter? Now that I think about it, you do look like their daughter who died. They have her pictures all over the house. I didn't know she had a kid."

Em spread her arms grimly. "Ta-da."

Troy chuckled. "Well, if you ever need someone to show you the sights, tell your folks I'll be glad to. Troy Saunders. They should know who I am. Would y'all like some pretzels?"

The girls declared that they sure would, but would have to come back since they didn't have any cash on them. They left Troy and headed back towards the jewelry place where they had left Merry, both of them giggling and blushing as they rated Troy on various scales.

As Merry came into view, they saw that she was conversing with a tall, dark-haired woman. Something about the set of Merry's shoulders caused Emerson and Lyna to slow down and they approached the two women cautiously.

"Meredith, dear! You're broader than Broadway!" the brunette was exclaiming with a laugh and Emerson frowned. Merry didn't like being called "Meredith", she'd told Em so the very first time they'd met. And Em knew that Merry was a little sensitive about the weight she had gained from her pregnancy, since Merry had always been extremely petite, with a dancer's physique. Why was this woman highlighting both of those things, yet trying to make it seem like a joke?

A glance at Merry's face confirmed for Em that the blonde woman was not at all pleased. So she was surprised when Merry smiled. "Tell me about it. How are you, Stella?"

The brunette, who was quite attractive, laughed again, revealing perfect white teeth. "I'm great. My job is such that I'm jet-setting all over the place, which suits me perfectly. I've never been one for sticking close to home, marrying the boy next door, keeping house, that kinda thing. Some can settle for that, but me? Nah."

Em found that she was rapidly disliking this woman called Stella. All of those things that Stella had just snidely put down were true of Merry's life and Em knew that Merry was extremely happy. Merry and Dave were clearly in love and Blake was the happiest, sweetest baby in the world. Yet this woman was trying to make it all sound inferior in some way.

Merry was still smiling, though Em noticed that her gray-green eyes were hard. "To each their own, eh, Stella? But what brings you back to Dallas? I haven't seen you in these parts in quite a while."

"Oh, just business," Stella said, waving one perfectly-manicured hand breezily. "My boss-"

But then she caught sight of Em and Lyna and her mouth fell open rather unattractively. As Emerson neared, she realized that Stella was staring unabashedly at her, her eyes wide. Perplexed, Em glanced at Lyna, who shrugged, and they both looked to Merry for guidance. The short blonde woman had an almost smug expression on her face as she observed the brunette's sudden discomfit.

Stella shook her head slightly, as if trying to clear her head. "It can't be," she muttered in disbelief and Em wondered if the woman was feeling all right.

"Oh, it certainly can be," Merry said with a dangerous cheerfulness. "This is Carolyna Lupin. And this is Emerson. You remember Emerson, right?"

Em wondered at the challenging note in Merry's voice, as if Merry was daring Stella to say that no, she didn't remember Em.

Perhaps Stella caught the tone as well, because she flushed slightly. "Of course I remember her. How are you, Emerson?"

"I'm fine, thanks," Em said. "Do I know you?"

"No, you don't," Merry said, still smiling, but her eyes were flashing.

Not looking at Merry, Stella seemed to gather herself and smiled down at Em. "How's everything going? I bet you miss your mom?"

Er, weird question, much? "Sometimes, yeah."

"I imagine it's hard. Sometimes, I'm sure you wish you could talk to her, that you could see her in person and all," the brunette said, smiling in what she seemed to think was a caring fashion.

But something about the smile grated at Emerson and she felt suddenly annoyed. "Actually, I do talk to her all the time, and I do see her in person when I'm at home."

Stella laughed patronizingly. "Good sense of humor you have there. But of course you can't "talk" to your mother or "see her in person" unless she's a ghost. Seeing as how Julia is dead and all."

"Actually, my mother is Hermione Potter," Em returned coolly, her irritation mounting. "Julia gave birth to me, but Hermione is my mother and I do talk to her daily." The smile flickered briefly on the woman's face before firming, but suddenly tired of her, Em turned away and addressed Merry. "Could Lyna and I have some money, please? There're some really tasty-looking pretzels with our names written all over them."

"I'll go with you," Merry said swiftly. "Well, good to see you, Stella. Enjoy your visit to Dallas."

Stella still sported that same smile, though Em noticed that it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, I will."

Emerson, Lyna and Merry turned and strode away, and although she didn't look back to verify it, somehow Em knew that the brunette's haughty blue eyes followed them all the way out of sight.


Em and Lyna had asked Merry about the woman, but all Merry had said was that Stella had been a schoolmate of hers and Julia's and lookie here, cinnamon raisin pretzels! She'd wondered a few times, but the memory of the tall, dark-haired woman with the cold blue eyes had quickly been driven completely from Emerson's mind for the rest of her visit.

And never had she dreamed that this woman could be Smiley.

But it still didn't make any sense! They'd spoken to each other for a minuscule five minutes, if that. How could this woman have gotten so much from that conversation to decide to terrorize Em so much? What could she possibly have said to make this woman hate her to such an extent?

Her confusion must have shown on her face, because her Mum reached over the desk and took her hand. "It wasn't anything you did or said, Em. This woman, Cristella, apparently she had it in for Julia when they were at school and somehow, in her twisted mind, she can't let go of that enmity even though Julia is gone."

"I don't understand," Em said, frowning, her head beginning to ache as she tried to recall, to dredge up some reason, any reason for what she'd been forced to endure. "I'm not Julia. She knows that, right? How could this possibly-"

"She's not right in the head," Dad said softly. "But it doesn't excuse or justify what she's done to you-"

But Em was shaking her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. "She was trying to mock me in Dallas. Remember, Lyna? Asking me if I missed my mother. I remember thinking that that was a very weird question. Why would she bring up my mother, of all things? Of course I thought she was talking about you, Mum." She sniffled, then looked up wildly. "B-But maybe Julia did something to her, something that she can't let go of? Maybe I-I did the same thing? Maybe-"

"Stop it, Emerson," Mum said sharply, her dark eyes flashing with love, anger and fervor. "You did absolutely nothing wrong. Do you understand me? This is not your fault and Cristella knows that! That's why she's tried so hard to convince you in those letters that you are somehow to blame for her actions, because she is unable and unwilling to take responsibility for herself! She is a grown woman, and mental illness or not, she is without excuse in what she has done and she will pay for this."

Em bit her lip hard, trying to halt her sobs as the words warred inside her head- This is not your fault... But your transgressions merit it... You did absolutely nothing wrong... But you are not like them, they are pure...

"Don't let her win, Em," Lyna said softly from beside her, grasping Em's hands tightly as if that would help stave off the bad thoughts. "Don't let her."

... Kiddo, you aren't anything special, so it would-

"We love you, Emerson, no matter what," Mum said, wrapping her arms around her and Em burst into tears and clung to her mother, recalling the multitudes of times that she'd been told that, those sweet words spoken like a melody, like a deliciously quivering note of phoenix song, fortifying, cocooning, uplifting... Budget's voice.. I'm really glad you're home, Em. I missed you... Ben... You'd have done the same thing if it was your friend... Vina squealing "Emma!" and running to fetch Ol' Bob for her to hug and kiss... Love you so much...

Dad calling her "Moppet"...

"I won't let her win!" Em sobbed suddenly, looking up and into her best friend's honey eyes. "I won't let her win, Lyna. I promise."

Lyna was crying too; actually, all of them were and for a few minutes, they let the cathartic tears flow, washing away some of the pain, the fear, the self-doubt. Only some, sure, but it was a start.

Finally, Em wiped her eyes and glanced up at her parents. "It's no wonder I'm losing my mind. This woman-" she paused and forced herself to say the name- "Cristella fu-, I'm sorry, messing with my head, so now I'm thinking people were here who are actually thousands of miles away. She obviously wants me to be as deranged as she is."

"Who did you think was here?" Dad asked, squinting at her as he cleaned his glasses on his shirt, his eyes red.

"Merry," she replied. "I dreamed that she was crying over me while I slept, but for a few minutes there, I thought it was real."

Mum smiled. "That's because it was real. Merry really did cry over you last night."

Em goggled. "She was here?"

"Yes. She was so upset when she found out what had been happening to you, because Cristella had done almost the same thing to Julia at school. Merry was kind of blaming herself for not knowing that something would happen, after you all met Cristella in Dallas. She said she should have at least been on her guard, because of the way Cristella had reacted when she first saw you."

"She couldn't have known what Cristella would do," Em said sadly.

Dad nodded. "That's what we tried to tell her. But she kept saying that she could have helped, that you'd written to her asking about Cristella, although you didn't know that was who you were asking about. And she'd just dismissed it, telling you not to worry about people like that."

"She wanted to stay until you woke up and tell you in person, but Blake is teething," Mum continued, looking weary all of a sudden. "She'll be back this weekend, and your grandparents are coming over too. But anyway, Merry went to kiss you good-bye and just lost it. You must have woken up a little bit."

Emerson sighed, as she fingered one of her diamond studs. She would've loved to have seen Merry. "I guess."

They were all quiet for a few minutes before Hermione spoke again. "Merry did leave us with a wealth of information, though, seeing as how she knew Cristella personally. So we don't foresee this taking very long. We're quite certain that she is the culprit and we know a lot about her, where she lives, works, everything. We'll find her, Em."

Em nodded, then blurted, "When you find her, what'll you do?"

Her parents exchanged a look that sent a sliver of terror-tinged awe down her spine and upon glancing at her best friend, Em knew that Lyna had felt it too. And although she hadn't ever really thought about what might happen to Smiley- no, Cristella, -- when she was located, Emerson knew that it would be no less than the woman deserved.

She didn't need to worry anymore; her parents would take care of it, just as they had been capable of doing all along. She could lay down at last, secure in the arms of her family and those who loved her - and she knew they did; she believed they did - and rest in the eye of the storm.


********

Harry couldn't understand why things weren't happening faster in their quest to locate Cristella Montgomery. They knew most everything there was to know about this woman. They knew where she was born, where she was raised, where she went to school. They knew where she lived, where she worked, although she apparently didn't have to, what with herself appearing to be the sole heir to an old wizarding fortune.

He and Hermione had a team of four Aurors working on this although, granted, it was in an unofficial capacity. He didn't want word getting out to the media about what had been happening to Em and luckily for them, Kingsley Shacklebolt was a family friend as well as Head Auror. So it hadn't been hard to get approval for Malfoy, Remus and Tonks, and Kingsley himself, to work on the matter while feeling secure that the news wouldn't leak out. And of course it went without saying that they were among the elite of the elite.

Well, it had now been fourteen days since they'd discovered Smiley's identity, so why didn't they have her in hand?

With that question nagging at him as usual, Harry dropped his briefcase on his desk and managed, with difficulty, not to slam the door of his office. He was so frustrated! How was this hag managing to elude them? This should have been over by now. They had the best of wizarding law enforcement on the case, as well as himself and Hermione, not to mention assorted civilian Weasleys. They were the same people who had greased Voldemort and his Death Eaters; one rich bitch with issues should be a walk in the park, right?

Instead, after a promising and rapid beginning, the investigation seemed to have stalled while they ran around in circles like rats chasing their tails.

The London firm that Cristella worked at had been one of their first stops. There, they had discovered that she'd abruptly resigned the day after Emerson had broken down and confessed. And the person who perhaps knew her best, and could offer them some insights as to where to find her, was currently an inch from death in a London hospital. Not even Hermione had been able to figure out exactly what was wrong with him, but she was almost certain that his illness was magical in nature.

"So she's not above resorting to murder," Harry muttered, flipping through his notes for the thousandth time. "What did her boss know that she didn't want found out? Especially as she hasn't bothered to hide very much about herself."

Only the knowledge of where to find her, obviously. They had all this information on this woman, just not a fucking clue as to her current physical location. Where could she possibly be? They'd visited every single one of her flats, all over the continent, but in not one had she left a single hint as to her whereabouts.

Meanwhile, the letters came every three days, addressed to them now rather than Emerson, taunting them, mocking their increasingly desperate efforts to find this dangerous and unbalanced woman who was yet somehow capable of Dark magic that not even Hermione Potter could decode:


My, my, I'm in great demand, aren't I? I must say it's quite amusing to imagine you all running around like those visually-challenged rodents of legend, trying to locate yours truly.

...see how they run
They all run after the farmer's wife
Who cut off their tails with carving knife...

Hmm, a carving knife. Now that's an idea. See, I'm still debating what to do to Little Miss Potter, who dared disobey my instructions. I told her to keep her mouth shut, that something bad would happen if she didn't. But you know kids, they don't listen and, alas. It's too bad my letters don't have a chance of reaching her hands or eyes anymore. But then again, neither do you all of reaching me, ha!


Every time a letter arrived, Harry would shut himself up and read it alone, hands trembling with rage. And the effects were lingering. Lately, he'd found himself snapping at Hermione, skipping dinner, staying late at work, obsessing. He was taking this very personally, this failure. He had failed to protect his daughter and now he was failing to bring about her final redemption, to locate this monster, to halt the spread of this present darkness.

There was a little knock on his door and suppressing a twinge of irritation, he looked up. "Come in."

The door creaked open and his youngest son scampered into the room. "Daddy, look what I made!"

Harry managed a small smile as he glanced at the parchment that Luke had covered with a mass of writhing vibrantly colored snakes. "That's great, Budget."

Luke beamed. "Want me to make another one?"

"Sure."

"What color would you like?"

Reaching for the papers on his desk again, Harry shrugged. "I don't know. Blue?"

"Okay. How many snakes? Like a gazillion?"

"Why not."

For a minute, there was only the sound of magic markers scratching on parchment as Luke drew one of his "gazillion" snakes, and Harry frowned as he reread one of the documents they'd received from the London firm, a list of all the company-furnished flats that Cristella had around Europe. They'd definitely been to the Notting Hill one. What about the Inverness flat? Yeah, they had. Sunderland? Yep. Wait, what about Groningen? Had that one been-

"Whoa, Dad, look at this!"

Annoyed at the distraction, Harry looked around. "Budget, go play in the family room. I'm trying to work here."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, but-"

"Now, Lukas," Harry said firmly and tried not to notice the way the smile slid off his son's face.

"Okay."

The door closed softly behind Luke and Harry stared unseeingly for a full minute at the paper he held in his hand, trying not to acknowledge that the feeling spreading darkly throughout his whole being was guilt. It wasn't as if he was trying to be mean; he really did need to work on this.

But upon refocusing on the paper and recalling that they had, indeed, visited Cristella's Groningen apartment, Harry couldn't deny that he really had been apathetic to his son's presence.

And he knew that it wasn't just Luke.

Because with every day that went by, Harry found himself staying later and later at the Puddlemere offices, although rarely was it Quidditch that occupied him. And when he did come home, he would head to his office to pore over his documents even more, emerging only to kiss the kids good night, trying to convince himself that he wasn't avoiding them, that he didn't see Ben's frown of confusion over why he didn't stay to chat for a few minutes like he usually did.

He could tell that Hermione was getting worried; she kept trying to raise the subject. But he always headed her off, just as he did later that night when they went to bed.

"Luke was kind of withdrawn tonight," she said carefully, pulling the covers back and climbing in.

Harry grunted to show that he'd heard as he undressed. "Well, you know how he is."

"Yes, I do. Which is why-"

"Hermione, I'm really tired, all right? And I want to go in early tomorrow to analyze those papers again, so I'd like to get some sleep."

She was frowning slightly. "I was hoping we could do that together? I thought-"

"Look, can we talk about this tomorrow?" he said standoffishly, looking her straight in the eyes.

She arched her eyebrows. "Sure, I was just-"

"Good," Harry interrupted, before rolling over and drawing the covers over himself.

For a moment, neither of them moved and then Harry felt her lay down too. She was barely three inches away from him and yet he felt like a great yawning gulf had suddenly erupted between them. He wanted... oh, how he wanted to touch her! His every muscle and nerve and sinew was screaming at him to roll over again, to take her in his arms and hold her. To kiss her and say he was sorry, to whisper that he loved her. To show her how much.

To confess how scared he was.

But he didn't, and for a long time he lay awake, fighting back the fear and shame and guilt that threatened to overwhelm him as his family lay in the sleeping house, depending on him for protection that it seemed he - the powerful, legendary Harry Potter - couldn't give.


*****

End Notes:

Quite a difference from the ending of the previous chapter, isn't it? What a difference two weeks can make! I know, I know, y'all wanna see some ass-whooping, and I promise it is on its way... but I couldn't have everything be resolved whoosh, just like that, in one fell swoop, could I? Hang in there.

1. Grapevine Mills Mall is a real mall, as is Auntie Anne's Pretzels (as I'm sure most of you know. Yum!)

2. The "dream" that Em had where she thought that Merry was hugging her and crying is based on something that happened to me when I was a little girl. I was eight years old and going away to boarding school for the first time and "Debbie", who was the big sister I never had and likewise was rather fond of me, did the sobbing and hugging thing while I was asleep. When I mentioned it to my mom, she told me that it hadn't been a dream :)

3. And please review?