Since I Don't Have You It's Only Make Believe

Arc/Harry

Rating: G
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 27/05/2004
Last Updated: 27/05/2004
Status: in_progress

Another piece of Pumpkin Pie. Harry and Hermione sit miles apart, silently dwelling upon their feelings.

Chapters

1. Since I Don

1. Since I Don

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related ideas are copyrighted and property of J.K. Rowling. I in no way own or claim anything henceforth (As well as lyrics) with exception to the invented storyline.

Author’s Note: This is the final edited version of this story. If there are any small typos left please forgive them. I am no posting on Portkey.org and Fanfiction.net if you wish to read more of my stories, same penname. If you enjoy this you may enjoy my other story Truly, Madly, Deeply as well. Also lyrics wise:

Applies to Harry

Applies to Hermione

Since I Don’t Have You, It’s Only Make Believe

I don’t have plans and schemes

And I don’t have hopes and dreams

I don’t have anything

Since I don’t have you

Harry James Potter lay wide awake upon the old patched quilt of his bed. Warm sunlight streamed in through the open window, and the only noise that could be heard was a soft snoring noise coming from Hedwig, Harry’s snow white owl.

The past few weeks at the Dursley’s had been pleasant compared to what he was used to. The chores, the yelling, the scolding, all had been reduced to a minimum since his friends had threatened his Uncle Vernon. Even his cousin Dudley was leaving him to his own devices. This gave Harry plenty of alone time to think.

The thoughts of his godfather Sirius had sent him to sleep crying many a night over the last month. Only a comforting thought of his best friends could stop his crying. A letter came from either Hermione or Ron nearly everyday and this had helped sooth him so much that he rarely cried over Sirius anymore. Now he cried for a different reason.

It wasn’t that Harry felt lonely; he had plenty of friends and people who cared about him to feel lonely. He felt empty. His hopes, his plans, even his dreadful thoughts of facing Voldemort were swallowed up in the intense emptiness. The emptiness that had consumed him could only be attributed to one thing; his feelings.

They had started when he needed comfort most. Her smile, her voice, her eyes; these were the things that had embodied his thoughts when he could no longer think of Sirius. The wonderful memories of her that he held onto, these were his most precious possessions. They were what helped him through the sad and lonely nights.

Slowly though they became less of what he used for comfort, to what he used to get himself through each and every day. Sirius, Voldemort, all his other thoughts had drifted away, until she was the only thing he could think about. He had never meant for it to happen, but it had, he’d developed feelings for his best friend.

Strong feelings Harry couldn’t control. It wasn’t like it had been with Cho. She had been pretty; someone he was physically attracted to, but never met on an emotional level with.

But she on the other hand. She had always been by his side, his best friend, his confidant. It was like she always knew what he was thinking, and responded accordingly. Harry almost felt dumb, that he’d never noticed, or acknowledged feelings for her before. Ron definitely had, Harry knew that. But now it was different. He cared for her too, and it sent him to bed empty every night.

There was no denying it anymore. He had developed feelings for his best friend. Feelings that no one but he knew. Feelings so strong he yearned everyday and night to hold her in his arms. There was nothing left for him to do, but cry.

I don’t have fond desires

And I don’t have happy hours

I don’t have anything

Since I don’t have you

Hermione Jane Granger sat propped up against the pillows of her bed. She held a worn old copy of Romeo and Juliet tightly in her hands. Pulling up the covers around her waist, she sighed heavily and laid the book face down in her lap. The room was filled with calm, soothing silence.

The summer was passing so slowly to her that it felt like it would never end. The days were filled with nothing but reading, sending out letters to her friends, and reading some more. She slowly traced the spine of the book with her finger.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to do anything else, it was that she couldn’t. Never before had her feelings been so strong for anyone. They were crippling to a point where she could do nothing but focus on the task at hand. Even her favorite pastime, reading, was becoming a menial almost boring task.

Hermione had tried to sort out her feelings by reading every book about lovers she could get her hands on. At first they helped mask her sorrow, her pain, her worry, but now they only acted to amplify her feelings. It was getting harder each and everyday.

She had never meant for it to happen. To fall for him. But over the past few years her little crush had developed into something much more, much deeper, much fonder. Hermione cried herself to sleep at night by the thought that he would never feel the same way, that she could never have him for her own.

Now it was worse than ever. He was in such a horrible mess. A mess she wished so much she could hold him through. His life was in danger every minute of the day, and it killed her to think of him like that.

It wasn’t like her at all to pine over a boy. It was this mixture of who she was, or who she thought she was that upset her the most. These feelings though, weren’t like they had been for Krum. Krum had only been nice to her, showed an interest.

But him. They had been through so much together. No one could replace him in her heart. She had tried to show him how she felt, but it was no use. Either he didn’t feel the same way, or he was blind. Either way it gave her just enough heartache to hate life.

There was no denying it anymore. She had developed feelings for her best friend. Feelings that no one but she knew. Feelings so strong she yearned everyday and night to hold him in her arms. There was nothing left for her to do, but cry.

My one and only prayer

Is that someday you’ll care

My hopes my dreams come true

My one and only you

No one will ever know

How much I love you so

My only prayer will be

Someday you’ll care for me

But it’s only make believe

“I’ve done a lot of things I regret in my life.” Harry said quietly to himself. He kept darting his eyes back and forth between his desk, where a quill and parchment lay, to the floor. “Oh how wonderful it would be to hold you,” he laid back down on his bed.

Harry closed his eyes and pictured the Yule Ball. The Great Hall decorated from top to bottom in the most beautiful, magical decorations one could ever dream of. Sirens sang the sweetest of songs which filled the air and made the night enchanted. And held tightly in his arms…was her.

They danced. Twirling around the dance floor, seamlessly gliding around the other couples that littered the dance floor. One by one the others fell out of the picture, until it was only the two of them that remained, setting fire to the dance floor. Harry smiled down at her.

How graceful she was when she danced. Her dark straightened hair lit up her face as she smiled with each step they took. The image was so real to Harry, that he reached out hoping with all his heart he could touch the silk lining of her gown. His hand however touched nothing. She smiled one last time and slowly faded out of his mind, until nothing was left but black. Emptiness.

Harry stared up at his ceiling. Small crystal tears streamed down his face but he didn’t whimper. He sat up. “I’ve done a lot of thing I regret in my life, but this will be one thing I’ll regret not doing,” and with that he picked up a piece of parchment, dipped his quill in ink, and began to write.

My hopes my dreams come true

My life I’d give for you

My heart, my wedding ring

My all my everything

My heart I can’t control

You rule my very soul

My plans, my hopes, and my schemes

You are my everything

But it’s only make believe

“What am I doing? This isn’t like me at all,” Hermione said as she scratched out the name she’d written in the lining of her book. It wasn’t her maiden name, but rather a new name, one with a different last name, that she’d been dreaming of for the longest time.

No matter how many times she crossed it out though, she would sigh and write it again. “I’ve lost all common sense,” she muttered to herself. This didn’t seem to bother her as much as she thought it would however, and she continued to write the name. Hermione sat the book aside and closed her eyes.

They danced. He spun her around the dance floor holding her tightly in his arms. All the other couples would look on, envious of their love. Then as they spun by each and every person there, they would fade away until only the two of them remained.

How handsome he was. His brilliant eyes and his dreamy smile almost made her swoon. There was no other place she’d rather be than in his arms, to stare into his eyes and let him know everything would be alright. Slowly though his grip lessened, until his eyes were all she could see and then; nothing.

Hermione stared up at her ceiling. She whimpered softly as tears slowly ran down her face. She sat up. “This isn’t who I am, but it’s who I want to be,” and with that she picked up a piece of parchment, dipped her quill in ink, and began to write.

I don’t have much to share

Harry threw away the twentieth sheet of parchment he’d written on. Each and every word he wrote felt wrong somehow. He couldn’t find anyway to say it. Dipping his quill in the bottle of ink, he started again. A few words later, he crumpled up the parchment and sighed. Leaning his arms on the table he let tears drop down on the next piece of parchment.

“I’ll never be able to do this. Nothing sounds right.” Then it hit him, the perfect words. How could he have ever conceived to write anything else? Dipping his quill one more time he wrote them, the three words that said everything he wanted to say.

I love you.

Harry

And I don’t have one to care

Hermione tore the parchment in half. This definitely wasn’t going the way she had planned. In every book she had ever read it seemed so easy, to tell someone how they felt. But this, this she thought was the hardest thing she’d ever done. She ran her hands through her hair and sighed.

“He’s going to hate me,” Then it hit her, the perfect words. How could she have ever conceived to write anything else? Dipping her quill one more time she wrote them, the three words that said everything she wanted to say.

I love you.

Hermione

I don’t have it

Harry rolled the parchment tightly into a scroll, took a small piece of string, and attached it to Hedwig’s leg.

I don’t have it

Hermione rolled the letter up, kissing it softly and with a prayer, tied it to a small mail owl.

Anything

“Go,” Harry opened the window and let Hedwig out.

Since I don’t have...

“Hurry,” Hermione opened the window letting the owl out.

You…you...