Since I Don't Have You It's Only Make Believe by Arc/Harry

Rating: G
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 27/05/2004
Last Updated: 27/05/2004
Status: In Progress

Another piece of Pumpkin Pie. Harry and Hermione sit miles apart, silently dwelling upon their
feelings.




1. Since I Don
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Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related ideas are copyrighted and property of J.K. Rowling. I
in no way own or claim anything henceforth (As well as lyrics) with exception to the invented
storyline.

Author’s Note: This is the final edited version of this story. If there are any small typos left
please forgive them. I am no posting on Portkey.org and Fanfiction.net if you wish to read more of
my stories, same penname. If you enjoy this you may enjoy my other story Truly, Madly, Deeply as
well. Also lyrics wise:

**Applies to Harry**

*Applies to Hermione*

**Since I Don’t Have You, It’s Only Make Believe**

**I don’t have plans and schemes**

**And I don’t have hopes and dreams**

**I don’t have anything**

**Since I don’t have you**

Harry James Potter lay wide awake upon the old patched quilt of his bed. Warm sunlight streamed
in through the open window, and the only noise that could be heard was a soft snoring noise coming
from Hedwig, Harry’s snow white owl.

The past few weeks at the Dursley’s had been pleasant compared to what he was used to. The
chores, the yelling, the scolding, all had been reduced to a minimum since his friends had
threatened his Uncle Vernon. Even his cousin Dudley was leaving him to his own devices. This gave
Harry plenty of alone time to think.

The thoughts of his godfather Sirius had sent him to sleep crying many a night over the last
month. Only a comforting thought of his best friends could stop his crying. A letter came from
either Hermione or Ron nearly everyday and this had helped sooth him so much that he rarely cried
over Sirius anymore. Now he cried for a different reason.

It wasn’t that Harry felt lonely; he had plenty of friends and people who cared about him to
feel lonely. He felt empty. His hopes, his plans, even his dreadful thoughts of facing Voldemort
were swallowed up in the intense emptiness. The emptiness that had consumed him could only be
attributed to one thing; his feelings.

They had started when he needed comfort most. Her smile, her voice, her eyes; these were the
things that had embodied his thoughts when he could no longer think of Sirius. The wonderful
memories of her that he held onto, these were his most precious possessions. They were what helped
him through the sad and lonely nights.

Slowly though they became less of what he used for comfort, to what he used to get himself
through each and every day. Sirius, Voldemort, all his other thoughts had drifted away, until she
was the only thing he could think about. He had never meant for it to happen, but it had, he’d
developed feelings for his best friend.

Strong feelings Harry couldn’t control. It wasn’t like it had been with Cho. She had been
pretty; someone he was physically attracted to, but never met on an emotional level with.

But *she* on the other hand. She had always been by his side, his best friend, his
confidant. It was like she always knew what he was thinking, and responded accordingly. Harry
almost felt dumb, that he’d never noticed, or acknowledged feelings for her before. Ron definitely
had, Harry knew that. But now it was different. He cared for her too, and it sent him to bed empty
every night.

There was no denying it anymore. He had developed feelings for his best friend. Feelings that no
one but he knew. Feelings so strong he yearned everyday and night to hold her in his arms. There
was nothing left for him to do, but cry.

*I don’t have fond desires*

*And I don’t have happy hours*

*I don’t have anything*

*Since I don’t have you*

Hermione Jane Granger sat propped up against the pillows of her bed. She held a worn old copy of
Romeo and Juliet tightly in her hands. Pulling up the covers around her waist, she sighed heavily
and laid the book face down in her lap. The room was filled with calm, soothing silence.

The summer was passing so slowly to her that it felt like it would never end. The days were
filled with nothing but reading, sending out letters to her friends, and reading some more. She
slowly traced the spine of the book with her finger.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to do anything else, it was that she couldn’t. Never before had
her feelings been so strong for anyone. They were crippling to a point where she could do nothing
but focus on the task at hand. Even her favorite pastime, reading, was becoming a menial almost
boring task.

Hermione had tried to sort out her feelings by reading every book about lovers she could get her
hands on. At first they helped mask her sorrow, her pain, her worry, but now they only acted to
amplify her feelings. It was getting harder each and everyday.

She had never meant for it to happen. To fall for *him.* But over the past few years her
little crush had developed into something much more, much deeper, much fonder. Hermione cried
herself to sleep at night by the thought that he would never feel the same way, that she could
never have him for her own.

Now it was worse than ever. He was in such a horrible mess. A mess she wished so much she could
hold him through. His life was in danger every minute of the day, and it killed her to think of him
like that.

It wasn’t like her at all to pine over a boy. It was this mixture of who she was, or who she
thought she was that upset her the most. These feelings though, weren’t like they had been for
Krum. Krum had only been nice to her, showed an interest.

But *him.* They had been through so much together. No one could replace him in her heart.
She had tried to show him how she felt, but it was no use. Either he didn’t feel the same way, or
he was blind. Either way it gave her just enough heartache to hate life.

There was no denying it anymore. She had developed feelings for her best friend. Feelings that
no one but she knew. Feelings so strong she yearned everyday and night to hold him in her arms.
There was nothing left for her to do, but cry.

**My one and only prayer**

**Is that someday you’ll care**

**My hopes my dreams come true**

**My one and only you**

**No one will ever know**

**How much I love you so**

**My only prayer will be**

**Someday you’ll care for me**

**But it’s only make believe**

“I’ve done a lot of things I regret in my life.” Harry said quietly to himself. He kept darting
his eyes back and forth between his desk, where a quill and parchment lay, to the floor. “Oh how
wonderful it would be to hold you,” he laid back down on his bed.

Harry closed his eyes and pictured the Yule Ball. The Great Hall decorated from top to bottom in
the most beautiful, magical decorations one could ever dream of. Sirens sang the sweetest of songs
which filled the air and made the night enchanted. And held tightly in his arms…was her.

They danced. Twirling around the dance floor, seamlessly gliding around the other couples that
littered the dance floor. One by one the others fell out of the picture, until it was only the two
of them that remained, setting fire to the dance floor. Harry smiled down at her.

How graceful she was when she danced. Her dark straightened hair lit up her face as she smiled
with each step they took. The image was so real to Harry, that he reached out hoping with all his
heart he could touch the silk lining of her gown. His hand however touched nothing. She smiled one
last time and slowly faded out of his mind, until nothing was left but black. Emptiness.

Harry stared up at his ceiling. Small crystal tears streamed down his face but he didn’t
whimper. He sat up. “I’ve done a lot of thing I regret in my life, but this will be one thing I’ll
regret not doing,” and with that he picked up a piece of parchment, dipped his quill in ink, and
began to write.

*My hopes my dreams come true*

*My life I’d give for you*

*My heart, my wedding ring*

*My all my everything*

*My heart I can’t control*

*You rule my very soul*

*My plans, my hopes, and my schemes*

*You are my everything*

*But it’s only make believe*

“What am I doing? This isn’t like me at all,” Hermione said as she scratched out the name she’d
written in the lining of her book. It wasn’t her maiden name, but rather a new name, one with a
different last name, that she’d been dreaming of for the longest time.

No matter how many times she crossed it out though, she would sigh and write it again. “I’ve
lost all common sense,” she muttered to herself. This didn’t seem to bother her as much as she
thought it would however, and she continued to write the name. Hermione sat the book aside and
closed her eyes.

They danced. He spun her around the dance floor holding her tightly in his arms. All the other
couples would look on, envious of their love. Then as they spun by each and every person there,
they would fade away until only the two of them remained.

How handsome he was. His brilliant eyes and his dreamy smile almost made her swoon. There was no
other place she’d rather be than in his arms, to stare into his eyes and let him know everything
would be alright. Slowly though his grip lessened, until his eyes were all she could see and then;
nothing.

Hermione stared up at her ceiling. She whimpered softly as tears slowly ran down her face. She
sat up. “This isn’t who I am, but it’s who I want to be,” and with that she picked up a piece of
parchment, dipped her quill in ink, and began to write.

**I don’t have much to share**

Harry threw away the twentieth sheet of parchment he’d written on. Each and every word he wrote
felt wrong somehow. He couldn’t find anyway to say it. Dipping his quill in the bottle of ink, he
started again. A few words later, he crumpled up the parchment and sighed. Leaning his arms on the
table he let tears drop down on the next piece of parchment.

“I’ll never be able to do this. Nothing sounds right.” Then it hit him, the perfect words. How
could he have ever conceived to write anything else? Dipping his quill one more time he wrote them,
the three words that said everything he wanted to say.

**I love you.**

*Harry*

*And I don’t have one to care*

Hermione tore the parchment in half. This definitely wasn’t going the way she had planned. In
every book she had ever read it seemed so easy, to tell someone how they felt. But this, this she
thought was the hardest thing she’d ever done. She ran her hands through her hair and sighed.

“He’s going to hate me,” Then it hit her, the perfect words. How could she have ever conceived
to write anything else? Dipping her quill one more time she wrote them, the three words that said
everything she wanted to say.

**I love you.**

*Hermione*

**I don’t have it**

Harry rolled the parchment tightly into a scroll, took a small piece of string, and attached it
to Hedwig’s leg.

*I don’t have it*

Hermione rolled the letter up, kissing it softly and with a prayer, tied it to a small mail
owl.

**Anything**

“Go,” Harry opened the window and let Hedwig out.

*Since I don’t have...*

“Hurry,” Hermione opened the window letting the owl out.

**You…***you...*