Enough

Strawberry Shortcake

Rating: PG
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Draco & Ginny
Book: Draco & Ginny, Books 1 - 5
Published: 28/05/2004
Last Updated: 11/07/2004
Status: paused

When is it enough? Ginny learns through the Great War that there is no such thing as hitting rock bottom. You can fall on forever until someone catches you. Will someone catch her?

Chapters

1. Folds of Time

2. Of Sinners and Saints

3. Winning and Losing

4. My sanctuary

5. Light and Darkness

1. Folds of Time

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot and characters not in JKR's books.

Where does one story end and another begin? Is it somewhere lost in the folds of time that one story gets connected to another? This story is an odd one with no actual beginning or end, it just happened. It's about the difference between love and lust, the line between death and life, the crossing of two worlds.

I don't believe in fairytales, nor do I think everything should have a happy ending. Life is a series of actions and reactions. You get what you deserve, no more no less.

However, love is the wild card in the game. It makes a villain a superhero, even if it's just in one persons eyes. It makes people crazy, and they do things they never thought they would.

Yet, it is one of those things that we can never understand.

I don't know how it all started. If I were required to say a certain time, I would guess the start of my fifth year. That was the end of the beginning for all of us. It's when we were forced out of childhood by the war to end all wars. It's when Harry stopped smiling and Ron put aside his chess set for battle plans. Hermione left that year, Dumbledore sent her to study in Japan. Said that their techniques would be necessary to win the war, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

It was a hot day in July when death eaters attacked the burrow. July 17 to be exact, it's one of those things you never forget. Ron and I were pushed out the door along with the twins while my parents fought to their death. They twins still haven't gotten over it. You would think that taking our parents would be enough, but no, they took Bill, Charlie, and Percy too.

I still remember George crying for the first time when he saw the bodies.

We were sent back to Hogwarts as part of the orphan acts, a series of bills passed through the ministry of magic stating orphaned children under the legal age could not live with out a guardian. We were one of the first cases under its jurisdiction; there have been so many more since.

Every night before we went to sleep Ron and I would talk to some on the other orphans. We would exchange stories of our parents and share a picture here and there. All the orphans stayed in the same tower, kids as young as 2 and as old as 17 all lived in harmony. Race, heritage, age, blood, and house didn't matter. We were the casualties of war that would never be acknowledged.

The twins never took part in our nighttime rituals. They didn't find any comfort from hearing about other peoples parents. To them it was a cruel cycle of reliving parts of the past.

I didn't think so. Pictures can fade, but memories will last forever.

July passed particularly slow, each moment drawn out reminders of the war. In August, Dumbledore planned a special trip for the orphans to Diagon Alley to get school supplies, and an ice cream cone on him. Needless to say we were ecstatic.

The night before the trip, he came. I still remember exactly how it happened.

I sat next to Hannah Abbot as she showed me a beautiful picture of her family last summer at their estate.

“Sara keeps asking me when Mommy is going to come back. I have no clue what to tell her. Do I tell her the truth? Do I tell a white lie?” Hannah's younger sister, Sara, was 3 years old. Old enough to remember her parents, young enough to not understand.

“I have no clue Hannah,” I avoided eye contact. It seemed wrong that even after losing her parents she had to worry about things as large as this.

“Why did they have to go Ginny?” Hannah sobbed, “ Why?” She was one of our newer arrivals. They get over the tears soon.

“I don't know why. But Sara still needs you. You need to look after her. Would your parents want you mourning them, or looking after Sara?” In order to get kids to stop crying, it was always best measure to ask them what their parents would want. We needed to stay strong, if one of us fell, we would all fall.

“I just miss them,” She said batting away her tears.

“I know,” Came my immediate reply as I placed an am around her shoulder. The truth was, I didn't know. Everyone had a different twist added to their hardships. Hannah's was her sisters, where Terry Boot's was he saw the whole process.

Ron took that exact moment to burst into the common room bearing news from a ghost.

“A newbie is coming,” He gasped out his chest heaving, as he stood doubled over.

“Who is it?” Marietta Edgecombe asked looking up from an out dated copy of Witch Weekly. The war had caused to printing of superfluous magazines to come to a halt.

“I dunno, all that the Grey Lady would tell me is that it is a guy,” Ron said walking over to one of the many desks. He pulled out a sheet of parchment that he stared at everyday, but never wrote anything.

“Are you almost done with that Marietta?” I asked the Ravenclaw. I could feel Hannah's even breathing as her head rested on my shoulder. At least she could still fall asleep.

Marietta passed me the magazine that had been cycling around since the beginning of July. The cover was slightly ripped, some pages were dog-eared, while others were drawn on, but it was one of the few reminders of what life was like.

“The article on hair charms is really interesting,” Marietta called from the staircase she was ascending. Apparently, she didn't care about the newbie.

Newbies were one of the best parts of out boring lives. They always brought new stories and it was a chance to hear old ones we might have forgotten. They also came with more stuff. We shared everything that didn't have sentimental value. A photo album maybe off limits, but a new red tube top was up for grabs.

Hannah began to whimper and my hand shot up to stroke her silky blonde hair. Newbies usually came with nightmares too.

Slowly the door creaked open and I drew in an unusual gasp as I saw him. Growing up with 6 brothers, not much fazed me. This did.

He stood alone in our common room, his shoulders sagging and his hair lying limply in front of his eyes. He looked like a lost puppy that had been kicked one too many times. One arm was bound to his body in a sling while the other pulled along a large trunk, his face was pretty badly bruised and an obvious black eye was forming.

In the midst of the war, Madam Pomfrey had turned the hospital wing into a clinic for those on the Hogsmead front. She still cared about the orphans, but such minimal injuries like his did not earn a night stay.

“Let me help you with that,” Ron said walking forward and taking the large trunk. When we had first come, Ron found it his duty to welcome each new arrival. Obviously, he was no different.

“You can share my room, we are out of singles and I have a dorm room. It's first up the stairs,” Ron balanced the trunk on his leg and gestured with his hand. “Sit here and Ginny will explain to you about the rules, but don't wake Hannah. She has enough going on.” With that said Ron journeyed up the stairs to the dorm room he shared with the twins, Terry, and now him.

He sat down with a remote elegance I hadn't seen in a while. My mother had that kind of air about her. He stayed silent, but turned his lowered head to face me.

“There is no name calling, no rejection, no prejudice,” I started. Did we honestly think he would follow these rules? He lived on those things.

“Breakfast is buffet style in here, they serve troops in the Great Hall. Lunch in the kitchen, as is dinner, again with the troops. Memory time is after dinner; you do not have to participate. We share memories we have.” I said. Did we want to hear his memories? What if they were terrible thing, like abusing house elves?

“It is common to share all you have that doesn't carry too much sentimental value. We're all pretty much equal here. Any questions?” As I finished I looked up to meet a pair of muddy gray eyes.

“No, none,” He whispered standing up and smoothing his robe. Slowly he turned and ascended the stairs, I watched him disappear into the room Ron had shown him.

I had decided that first night he was in shock. He hadn't said a single word against me or Ron. What was the world coming to?

I thought Ron had taken his duty too seriously, but what I hadn't realized, was that I was discriminating against him. I was waiting for him to slip up, but we all slip up sometime or another. If we didn't we wouldn't be human.

My name is Ginerva Anne Weasley, and this is my account.

2. Of Sinners and Saints

Where do we get off calling one a sinner and another a saint? That's what they call me, the light side's saint. The fiery angel here to help Harry Potter rescue them all. What if I don't want to be a hero? What if I'm not good enough?

I was never anything enough before my parents died. Never old enough, smart enough, fast enough, pretty enough. Is that what makes you eligible? Being an orphan? Is that what our world requires of children now? To lose their innocence before being enough?

Ron says that I've become cynical in the past month. I beg to differ. Saying the truth isn't cynicism. It is honesty, a rare gem that is frequently overlooked.

I've only been here for one month and five days. It feels like so much longer. My internal clock calls each day a month and each week a year. I guess that makes me all grown-up…. right?

Everyone in the orphan tower is overly mature. Little Sara shouldn't know where to hide in case of an attack just as much as Lorena Edgecombe shouldn't know so many curses. The point is we do, and none of us are children anymore. We lost that title by entering this graveyard for adolescence. I don't remember the last time I saw Fred smile, or heard Terry Boot laugh. Like I said this tower is a graveyard where we are slowly biding our time.

Maybe I have become cynical, but cynicism is always better than idealism. Idealism and hope ride in the same boat, one for fools. I may be many things, but a fool isn't one of them. I thought Ron was a fool for accepting him so quickly. He was probably going to kill us all in our sleep. How could Ron so quickly forget the years of hell he caused us at school? Ron would only tell me that it was his self-inflicted duty to accept everyone in. Duty, a weird motivation that sounds ever so noble.

Should I be ashamed of what I've become? I often ask myself what my mother would think of me now. I never answer myself honestly. Deep within my mind, I know the truth, but I can ignore it. I know she would want me to be the one to comfort everyone and tell them it was okay to cry. Instead, I twist things around to get the reaction I want.

I used to wish she were still here.

I don't wish anymore. Wishing like praying is a waste of valuable time. Things happen as they do and no `higher being' can ever change it. You change your own destiny.

I often wonder where my life will lead me, how it would be different with each choice I make. I should have paid more attention in divination, then it just seemed unimportant. I wonder if I knew when the attack was going to be, could I have stopped it? Could I have changed the outcome? It makes me wonder about what could have been. What still can be.

Yes, I still wonder.

I found myself wondering one night, alone in the common room, why he came to the orphan tower. His father was a death eater, and if they were victims of the light side, the ministry surely wouldn't have sent him here. Little did I know my question would soon be answered.

The fire crackled merrily in the common room, but I was still cold. I'm always cold. Looking down at the Quidditch book I held in my hands, I flipped the page. It was well past midnight, yet I still couldn't fall asleep. Ron would have a heart attack if he found out how often I actually sleep. Letting out a little snicker, I turned the page again.

“What's so funny Weasley?” I looked up to see him standing in front of the fire, his silk jimjams casting an eerie glow about the room.

“Nothing,” I curtly replied looking back at my book. I didn't want to share anything with him.

“You know you could at least pretend to like me. Your brother does,” He sat down in the armchair closest to me and propped his feet on the coffee table. Matching green slippers, typical Slytherin.

“I don't play pretend like my brother,” I flipped another page in the book. Why was he still talking to me? This conversation should have been over before it started.

“I'm not asking you to play. I'm asking you to give me a chance. You gave everyone else one,” His grey eyes were imploring, searching, asking for forgiveness. How come I didn't believe him?

“Why?” My eyes narrowed in suspicion. If I was being taken for a fool there would be hell to pay.

“Because I'm a person too,” I could give him a chance. A chance with high monitored security in Azkaban, preferably in the lunatic ward.

“Fine, tell me about yourself,” I was again doing the twisting thing. I hardly realize when I do it. It's beginning to come as a natural reflex. I wasn't sure if I liked it, or not.

“ I was born on the seventeenth of December. I belong in Slytherin house, and I am currently Head Boy. I can play the piano, ballroom dance, and paint. I like to fly, wrestle, and swim. I'm good at potions. I don't have a best friend, only allies. Tell me about yourself,” I found myself becoming interested in what he had to say. I tried to hate him, but I couldn't. He wasn't using the condescending tone I thought was permanent. He talked to me like an equal. What the hell was going on?

“I was born on June 5,” I found myself saying, “and am in Gryffindor house. I am a prefect, but that bathroom gives me the creep. Hello! Moaning Myrtle can pop in at any time! I can run fast, garden, and cook. I like to fly, read, and dance. I'm good at Care of Magical Creatures, like my brother Charlie. My best friend is Colin Creevy,” My mind screamed at me to stop. He did not need to know these things. I should have made up fake answers.

We both lapsed into silence.

“Why are you here?” I blurted out. I hadn't meant to say it, but it had come out anyway. I guess my mind was doing too many things at once to stop the stupid question.

Letting out a sigh, he started. “Lucius wanted me to join the Dark Side, I said I wanted time to finish my studies, my parents were killed for insolence. I would have been killed too, if my mother hadn't taken my blow. She took that exact moment to get courage,” He let out a little growl before smoothing his hair back.

“You were actually planning to join?” I felt my mouth drop as a fumbled for my wand.

“Weasley, don't bother. I'm not going to, after what they did to my father. I'm going to get revenge,” A fire shone in his eyes, one separate from the one in the common room. One that is bottled up inside waiting to explode.

“Why are you telling me all this?” I felt myself ask as his eyes turned back to normal. It was odd to say the least.

“Because, you're not like them,” He used a flip of his had to gesture at the dorm rooms. “You want it too. You want to curse a death eater until they bleed to death, and I need an accomplice,” I searched his face for some clue that it was a joke. Others joked about getting revenge, but were never serious. They made gag plans like charming all death eater robe pink, this didn't seem like one of those plans. He seemed really serious.

“This is a one time offer,” Again, he pushed his loose locks away from his eyes.

“When would we get them?” I didn't want to join him if this was just an act of passion. Things like this needed careful planning and precise measures.

Wait, when did I decide to join him at all?

My mind was fumbling to come to an even ground as all these thoughts span round.

“After their victory in the giant hills, they will be at their weakest. I know what I'm doing. I've thought long and hard about this, and nothing is going to screw it up. Now if you want to join me that's up to you, but if you don't I'll have to cast a memory charm on you, I don't want the wrong people to find out. You have a few minuets to decide.”

We sat in silence, the only sounds were the fire crackling and the clock ticking. My mind was screaming different things all at once, but I knew what I had to do.

“I'm in,” Leaning over I shook his hand sealing the bond.

That night was the start of the Giant Revenge. We hadn't become friends, we were still less, but suddenly more. We had an odd relationship of convince.

At midnight, we became accomplices all other times acquaintances. During the day, we didn't think that under a brick in the fireplace lay plans so sinister; so evil they might actually work. That was strictly nighttime business.

He said that years from now we would be known as the people that saved the light side's ass. Our only problem was we needed an army. Not any army, an army so focused on our goal they wouldn't stray. First though, we needed a plan, and substantial proof it would work. Not every one would join from blind faith.

He would kill me if he found out I was writing all this down. Even if I'm not going into specifics it could ruin the whole plan. The key element is surprise, and not that fake stuff in muggle movies. No, no one, not even our allies are going to expect this.

That's why he is a genius. Not a conventional one like Hermione, more of a strategist like Ron mixed with a defense artist like Harry. He would despise that comparison.

His name is Draco Malfoy, and this is his plan.

3. Winning and Losing

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot and characters not in JKR's books.

War.

It isn't just about winning or losing. People die. Some, more horrible deaths than others, and some with inadvertent, indirect pain.

What we were planning wasn't a war, it was a revenge. There is a big difference. As Draco pointed out, we have nothing left to lose. If we die, so what? Our parents (and brothers) are already gone. My friends will understand I died for the right cause; and his allies have already shunned him.

Why do people cause each other pain? Draco said it didn't bother him that his allies have already lost faith in him. That wasn't enough for me. I knew he cared more. I knew it bugged the daylights out of him, but I would have to bypass his cool demeanor to find out anything. I would break his shield of ice. I knew it would just take enough warmth.

Our nightly planning came to a halt when soldiers came to join us in the tower. The battle was getting closer on the Hogsmeade front and a conflict was certain to happen with in days. The light side was bringing in troops from all over, it was rumored that platoons of Russians were staying in Hufflepuff tower.

If only there were more troops in the castle.

The next day, all hell broke loose.

As I lay in my bed a long echoing siren broke through my thoughts. Looking around I saw Hannah wake up along with Sara and Marietta.

“What's going on?” Marietta asked turning to Hannah while she rubbed the sleep away from her eyes.

“I dunno,” Hannah whispered as she stroked Sara's hair. The little girl's eyes began to close from exhaustion. It had been a long day with the arrival of the troops.

“EVERYONE UP!” A female solider stood in our doorway carrying a lit candle. Her uniform looked as though it had been pulled on in haste and her hair stood out wild around her face.

“What's going on?” Marietta asked again looking at the solider this time.

“We are under attack! Get a move on,” With that the soldier turned to leave, probably to bang on the next door.

As the sickening realization sunk in, I sprang to my feet and began pulling on some clothes. A pair of jeans, a tank top, and my Weasley sweater. Grabbing my wand, I went out in the hallway to see various girls in all states of dress being directed to a slide behind a tapestry.

I didn't want to take the cowards way out. I wanted to help fight.

Silently I walked down the stairs towards the common room. Soldiers crowded in as their Corporal screamed out instructions.

“…in the Great Hall! Now we can get around them by using passage number 365. Red Division, you will be our distraction this time going through the doors. Blue team, you will secure all other entrances. Yellow Division, you will go to Gryffindor tower and close the portal. Black Division, you take the passage way this time. GO GO GO!” The petite woman with sleek blonde hair issued out tasks and now everyone reacted. Soldiers began running in many directions and occasionally a high-ranking officer would ask the Corporal something.

Stealthily I joined a team with yellow bands on their gray uniforms. Their Sergeant assigned specific jobs to each member.

I watched in awe as nineteen-year-old kids took tasks with out flinching. They were the true war heroes. True Harry will get more publicity because he is the Boy-Who-Won't-Die, but these everyday people……damn.

“Move out!” I followed the woman who had awoken me from my dorm. She had an unreadable battle expression. My heart beat harder with each step closer to the Gryffindor tower.

What was I doing? Did I even know what I was doing?

I didn't know what I was doing, and that is the scariest feeling in the world. It was, and still is, worse than the fear I got knowing death eaters were in the next room while my parents held them off.

To not know what you're doing during a battle is like the ultimate suicide.

In the back of my mind, I hoped that this was someone's sick idea of a joke. These people were too young to die. How could a nineteen-year-old enlist in the army during wartime was beyond me. How could someone cause so much pain?

Slowly the fat lady portrait creaked open revealing an empty common room. Two scouts went forth looking for the portal. It should be obvious. A portal is like a tear in reality connecting two places together. It requires immense energy and gives off a bright iridescent glow.

As soon as the scouts reached the threshold of the common room, time stopped as the ground exploded underneath them. I could faintly hear people yelling, `Magic mines,' and `Holy shit! This is a trap!'

Clouds of dust and smoke began to cloud my vision as bodies bumped into me all over.

I was terrified. Indeed, I had come to help. But I was expecting war to be…different. Not this. This was mindless killing.

“What are we going to do?” I heard some one ask over the loud booms.

“Go back to the orphan tower, regroup and decide where to go,” I did something I hadn't done in months. I wished I had gone down that slide, and I prayed that I would get back safely.

I broke the moral code that I created for myself the second I stepped into the orphan tower. I was just so scared. I never thought…. I really don't know what I was thinking. As silently, as I had prayed for my own safety, I prayed for the safety of my remaining brothers, and for some odd reason the safety of Draco Malfoy.

The orphan tower was a wreck; dorm rooms had collapsed into the common room. Dust was beginning to settle when we arrived. The fear that had been occupying the pit of my stomach multiplied itself one hundred times over as I saw small lifeless bodies. Walking over I choked back a sob as I saw Sara and Hannah Abbott next to Marietta Edgecombe.

“What happened here?” The woman who told us to escape a few hours ago knelt in front of me trying to extract information.

“I don't know,” I began to say. “I went with you to the Gryffindor tower.” Slowly tears began to escape my eyes as a knelt over to smooth Sara's hair as Hannah had done so many times before. They were gone and they were never going to come back.

Sobs began to erupt from my stomach as the woman soldier pulled me away from the corpses.

They weren't people anymore, they had no more spirit.

She roughly shoved me down the hidden slide and I felt myself land on a cushioned floor. A flickering fire lit the room as the orphans uneasily walked about.

“Where's Marietta?” Lorena briskly asked as soon as I had stood up. How was I supposed to tell her that her sister was now with her parents?

“Lorena, leave her alone,” Draco walked over and looked at me. Without thinking, I sprung forward and rushed toward him, and cried against his chest. He was surprised, I knew he was, but he did not push away, instead he pulled me into a tight hug. Letting go of all control I have left, I sobbed unrestrainedly into his shirt.

I cried for Marietta, Hannah, and Sara. People I knew who lost their lives too early. I cried for my parents who were never given a proper funeral. I cried for the light side because I knew we were losing.

I cried for myself because I was never going to be the same.

“Ginny it's going to be ok.” I looked up and stared into those gray eyes of his. “We were so worried about you,” he whispered. Draco rubbed small comforting circles on my back. Why did he suddenly care? When did it start feeling so good just to be held? When did it start feeling so good just to be held, especially by him?

“Gin!” Ron ran over and pulled me from Draco's arms. “Never do that to me again!” He crushed my body in an over protective hug. I felt a tear fall on to my face and I realized Ron was crying.

He was scared. He thought I was dead.

It was that moment I decided to either enlist Ron and the twins in the Giant Revenge or quit the rebel group. The remaining Weasleys had to stick together, if not for ourselves, then for our parents. They would want us to remain true to the fact that we were a family.

“Gin you had us freaked out,” The twins pulled me from Ron's grasp and smothered me all the same. Fred first, then George.

“What's going on up there? We heard a lot of explosions,” Draco asked his question from an offset part of our group. He was hunched over, hands jammed in his pockets. A total reverse from what he used to be.

“The tower is destroyed. Death Eaters,” George squeezed me a little tighter to him.

“You mean Marietta, Hannah, and Sara….” Ron trailed off at my nod. Tears filled my eyes again as I cried on to George's shoulder.

“We need to get revenge…” My eyes grew heavy as I fell into the land of unconsciousness. The days of not sleeping were beginning to take their toll.

That day the Giant Revenge recruited 10 new members. Apparently, all we needed was something to bring the battle home.

The light side won the battle of Hogwarts at the cost of 27 lives including the girls. Hogwarts would still be opening in a few days, but the Gryffindors and younger orphans would have to find a new place to stay.

Lorena Edgecombe fell apart after her sister died. It was said that she had to go to St. Mungo's to deal with the stress, I never found out for sure.

At night, I imagine Sara Abbott asking me to tell her a story about my parents as Marietta braids her hair. I still expect that Hannah will drag me out of my bed and ask me what she should wear tomorrow.

At night, I hope that this is all a dream, and I will wake up from it tomorrow.

I don't believe in fairy tales, and I never thought that nightmares existed during the daytime. I thought those were reserved only for nights. Those disturbing images which continue to cloud our minds with fear and other emotions.

But my life has proved it wrong. It has shown me that pain comes by the bushel and peace is far between. It has shown me that nightmares sometimes come to life in many forms. Through pain, distress, agony and misery. Through war.

War is the living proof that nightmares do exist in the real world.

This is war, and I often wonder if it will ever end.

AN: Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews my story. I always find enjoyment from hearing what you have to say. I want to thank my Beta (bookish_gurl024) again because she just does a wonderful job. This chapter isn't one of my favorites, but it is pivotal to the plot.

4. My sanctuary

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot and characters not in JKR's books.

Have you ever been in a place between being asleep and being awake? The place where you can remember your dreams?

That place used to be my sanctuary, this is until it hurt too much to leave it and go back to reality.

In dreams you can go anywhere. Be anything and anyone you want to be. The poet and the butcher are equal there. As well as the king and the pauper, the prince and the beggar.

In reality, we stay with the ties that bind. The classes society has placed us with.

When I was younger, I used to think that if I had enough hope, things would happen. Things would change as quickly as seasons come and go. Things would always go as we we want and planned it.

Now that I'm older and wiser I've come to realize, that hope is a walking dream. It gives fools something to believe in, so they can hope for the future.

I don't believe in anything.

I live in the present and have no reason to worship some non-existent higher being.

My cynicism stunned my housemates. Whispers and rumors erupted about that Weasley girl.

What happened to her? Why had she become so bitter and cold? What was her name again?

I quietly walked down the hall, head held up high. Whispers oozed in from all directions, some good, and some bad. Stopping at what appeared to be an empty classroom, I opened the door.

A bar was in the corner and card tables were being played at all around. It was Hogwarts' very own underground casino network.

“Aye, Ginevra, what do I owe the pleasure?” Terry Boot ran this one. His heavy brogue hung in the air as dealers and players turned to look at me. Terry had made it his goal in life to find out everyone's real name and call them by it. So far he had succeeded.

“I paid Draco his money m'dear,” He swirled the cup in his hand. He took a loan from Draco to open the casino bar two years ago and was still paying him off.

“What?! Just because I know Draco now I can't play cards and get a drink?” Walking up to the bar I placed a sickle on the counter and was awarded with a fairy martini. Play had long since resumed and I took a seat next to Terry.

“Why are you really here Ginevra? I owe you nothing, you don't play cards, and Draco has his own bar you can get drunk at,” His hazel eyes locked with mine as I tossed a chunk of apple into my mouth.

“I hear you declined Fred's offer to make a difference,” Holding eye contact I swirled my drink and took another sip. I saw something flash across his face, but I wasn't sure what it was.

“I have no anger left at the lot,” His words betrayed his expression and I made a mental note of it.

“You don't want revenge? You don't want to curse a death eater till he bleeds? You don't want to inflict pain on those who had made many people's lives a living hell? Though, I think none of them experienced the living hell part. Most of them died too soon to even feel it,” I let out a bitter laugh. “ I think you're lying,” His hand clutched his drink a little tighter, his knuckles turning pale.

“I don't want to get involved with something that is beyond me,” He took another swig letting out a hiss of air as he swallowed.

“Liar, liar pants on fire; nose is as long as a telephone wire,” I sang the childish muggle rhyme. Letting out small growl, he slammed his glass down onto the table.

“If I get involved with this, what do I have to do? What are you guys planning on doing?” Letting out a quick smirk, I slipped him a piece of parchment with the time and location of the next meeting.

“We'll talk there,” Draining my martini I placed the glass back on the bar before walking out.

“Ginevra,” Turning around I caught the flask Terry threw at me. “Don't get caught,” were his last words before I went back to the rumor mill.

Draco had introduced me to Hogwarts underground life. It went on day and night, but people didn't notice unless they wanted to.

Draco had a club in one of the lower dungeons. Drinking and dancing was all he served up there. He loaned money to other moles, as he called them, so they could get their feet on the ground.

Terry Boot had a casino bar, which Draco had invested in. Lee Jordan had a casino no contraband. Blaise Zabini had a club, the only one to deal in drugs.

They were the four biggies Draco told me. I didn't know how I could have never found the clubs before. Draco said since I knew about them I could see them, I showed someone who didn't know, say Harry, they wouldn't be able to.

It was a work of magic.

“Ginny why were you in that empty classroom?” Colin was at my side as we started towards the transfiguration classroom.

“Don't worry about it,” Colin would freak out, much like I did, if he knew what went on at Hogwarts when no one was looking.

“Don't tell me not to worry about it!” His voice began to raise in degree, “you've been acting all secretive since you got back from summer holidays and I want to know why!” His cheeks got an angry flush as his eyes began to flash.

“Stop over reacting!” I declared ignoring his previous question. If I were lucky he wouldn't notice and would instead go off on how he wasn't over reacting.

“Stop dodging my questions!” He shouted. Damn him, damn him straight to hell.

“Let's talk about this later,” I suggested seeing all the kids watching us like we were a Quidditch game.

“I want to talk about it now!” He can be so obstinate at times. Letting out a sigh I pushed through the circle that enclosed us. I wasn't going to talk about it in a public hall. Draco would skewer me alive.

Colin might be mad now, but he'll be fine later. We can talk then.

Putting my books down I eased into a seat next to Luna Lovegood.

“Hello Ginny, how was the casino?” She asked me in the dreamy voice she was born with, not even looking up from the latest edition of the quibbler.

“It was fine Luna,” My mind came to a halt, then began back tracking. “Luna…how do you…”

“Know about the casino?” She asked interrupting me. Slowly I nodded my head, but it wasn't like she could see the simple motion. She was still reading.

“Ginny, Terry is in my house. I help him out sometimes,” My life was getting stranger by the second. Next thing I knew Longbottom was going to run the school drug bar!

“How long have you known?” I found myself asking. I would die if she had found out before me.

“This year, not before you don't worry,” She flashed me a faint smile. The fact that Luna knew what I was thinking was beginning to freak me out.

“Class, pass your essays forward,” Professor McGonagall stood at the front of the room collecting papers. People made mad dashes to finish a last sentence or try to shrink their parchment.

“Now turn to page 105,” Came the professor's strong voice as she picked up her wand to begin the lesson.

I didn't know that Luna had divining abilities, if I had I would have never sat by her. Do you know how weird it is to have someone read your every thought? Know your every desire without having to say it aloud? I couldn't wait to leave that class.

“Would you stop that!” Luna hissed shooting me a sideways glance.

“”Stop what?” I innocently asked.

“Tapping your foot!” Looking down I saw my foot tapping madly and people in front of us flinching with each hollow sound.

“Sorry,” I began making a conscious effort to not tap my foot again. Looking down at my watch, I saw we only had 3 minuets of class left.

“Your homework is a 3 foot essay due Tuesday, and no, I will not accept any later than that,” A collective groan was heard as kids began packing up their supplies. Rapidly I threw things into my knapsack when a jar of ink bounced against something metallic. The flask. My pace was increased ten-fold and I made beeline for the door.

“Ms. Weasley, can I see you after class?” Professor McGonagall stood at the front of the classroom shuffling through the handed in essays. I could already tell today was going to be a bad day.

“What can I help you with professor?” I asked in a sickly sweet voice I reserved for teachers and parents.

“There has been talk of you …not adjusting well to the loss of your parents. I was wondering if there was anything you wanted to talk about?” She looked up from the pile as her icy blue eyes began searching me.

“Professor, I'm fine,” I added a sweet smile for good measure.

“Go to your next class Ms. Weasley,” With a wave of her hand I was dismissed. It took all my will power not to break out in to a run until after I left her class. My next lesson for the day was potions, and that was three floors down.

Kids had been telling McGonagall how bitchy, or in proper terms, cynical I had become. I knew it. She honestly didn't want me to confide in her, she just had to ask me being the head of my house.

“Ms. Weasley, so nice of you to join us,” Snape sneered as I burst into the classroom.

“I'm sorry Professor McGonagall…..” I was doubled over, panting, and out of breath from my run.

“Five points from Gryffindor for making excuses,” Snape interrupted me with one of his evil smirks.

“Professor if you don't believe me I can go get a note from Professor McGonagall,” I held my breath back and for some reason what little sanity I had left today, was leaving.

“Ten points from Gryffindor for talking back,” His lips curled into a larger smirk as my breathing began to get labored.

“You know what Professor, this… This is bull shit!” There was a collective gasp heard throughout the room. I didn't care, I was on a roll and nothing was going to stop me. “We come to class every day and because you had bad waters with this when you went to school, you take it out on us. Read my lips: This. Is. Bull. Shit!”

Turning on my heel, I left the classroom, not caring how many house points I lost. I needed a drink.

The total number of house points I lost that day was 65. Colin told me later that night by the common room fire. Since school had started, I had become like a time bomb exploding ever so often. It was because I was so confused. Things in my life were changing faster than I wanted them to.

Draco had introduced me to a new world, and suddenly my old one seemed inconsequential. I was lost in the swirl of drinking, dancing, and revenge. Yet, for some reason, it was like my old sanctuary and I didn't want to leave.

The new world Draco introduced me to gave me the stability of instability. It gave me the rush you get when you know your doing something wrong. It showed me that my old impression of Hogwarts was wrong. It like everything else in this life is gilded. You know shiny on the outside, crappy on the inside.

This is my school, and contrary to popular belief, the things we learn in classes here will never help us in real life.

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AN- Thank you to everyone who reviewed my story. This chapter shows how Draco is changing Ginny's life and how she think she likes it, but is not sure yet. I want to thank my beta bookish_gurl04 for all the hard work she does, and I hope you enjoy this latest installment.

5. Light and Darkness

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot and characters not in JKR's books.

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I've seen light, and I've seen darkness. I've seen the extremes on both ends of the scale, but I've never seen anything quite like him.

Yes, we had been working together for a few months, but that isn't enough to see the real person inside. Every time I talk to him, he continues to amaze me.

I'm not here to defend him and tell you that he was all good, but he wasn't all bad either. He wasn't categorized by the black and white colors we live by. He wasn't even in the gray range. He was a whole different color scheme all together, but it's not as though he would admit it.

He was the reason I had begun to see everything I thought was black could always have a little white mixed in, and everything I thought was white had black spots also. Once he told me that we don't live in a black and white world, we live in one with shades of gray, albeit lighter and darker shades.

I thought I had seen everything in the war. I had seen family and friends die. I had seen teenagers fight to their death. I had seen the embodiment of evil beat the light time and again. However, nothing could prepare me for what was behind the façade of Draco Malfoy.

People didn't mess with me anymore. It had become common knowledge that if you mess with me, you mess with Draco.

And no one wanted to mess with Draco.

Slowly, I walked to the Slytherin dungeons. It was a path I strolled on a daily basis in order to get to Draco. Plans were becoming more realistic with each coming day. The other snakes ignored me for the most part, yet they didn't dethrone Draco from his seat of icy royalty.

It was this particular day that I heard sobs emit from the extra potions storage closet and I witnessed the ware of war on the golden trio. I was the only one there to see the tripod fall.

“Harry, you can't believe that I asked Dumbledore to send me to Japan,” Hermione's usually strong voice held sadness and a bit of pleading as it seeped through the cracks around the heavy wooden door.

“You can't expect me to think that he would split us up with this going on so close,” Harry's words were louder than necessary and Hermione let out another sob. War had changed Harry for the worse. Everything became the fault of people around him, even if it wasn't so. The light side was back on square one trying to convince the confused boy they weren't the bad guys.

“Harry, Hermione would never leave us on purpose, you know that,” Ron's calm tones echoed out. War had cooled his hot temper and leveled his head. To me it seemed war had changed everyone in one way or another.

“I don't know what is fact from fiction with you two anymore, I just don't know,” A hand was slammed down on a shelf as specimen bottles clinked dangerously. Sometimes it seemed, as though all of Ron's anger had begun to take residency in Harry, and it was obvious he couldn't control it quite as well.

“I'm sorry!” Hermione cried out as loud cries were heard from behind the door.

“I'm so sorry Harry. I swear on my soul that I never wanted to leave you. If I had my way I would always be one step in front of you, protecting you. Harry, you have to believe me,” Her cries were getting louder as I heard the bottles knock together once more, “Please…”

“I just don't know what to believe anymore,” With that Harry pushed through the door as I swiftly sidestepped. Hermione sat huddled in a corner and Ron holding her in a brotherly embrace. It was in that moment the bottles fell from the shelves and shattered upon hitting the ground.

It was solid proof to me that if we survive the battle, the fall will kill us.

“Ginny, were you eavesdropping?” Harry said, whom I had not noticed began taking menacing steps towards me. His eyes flashed with anger, but I didn't back down.

“No Harry, just passing,” With that I turned away from the fire of anger in him and continued towards the dungeons.

Harry had changed. There was no denying it. Every little thing seemed to set him off and the bad days never ended. I just assumed it was because he was scared; he would either have to be a murderer or die. You know what they say though, when you assume you make an ass out of you and me.

“Ginny, where were you?” Draco sat with his back towards me in one of the high backed leather armchairs. It never stopped stunning me that he could tell my footsteps apart from everyone else's.

“The golden trio split up,” My heels made a hollow tapping noise as I made my way over to the green suede couch. Stopping at the coffee table I picked up a magazine on defense against the dark arts.

“What are you talking about Ginny? You know just as well as I do that Gryffindor's little angels would never do something as bad as that,” he drawled. He didn't even bother to look up from the worn out book he was reading as he talked.

“Well, they did. The crazy old bat is sending Braniac to Japan and Scarhead is throwing a tantrum.” The Slytherin code names of people in the light side slid off my tongue without a second thought.

“Are you serious?” Grey eyes met mocha colored ones as I gave a swift nod of my head. No words were necessary.

“Now this adds a twist on everything now doesn't it?” Draco's blank face evolved into one with a manic grin as the book lay forgotten in his lap. “Tell me everything you heard.”

Letting out a sigh I began to recite the day's events.

“I was coming down here like always to discuss plans before the meeting, when I heard cries coming from the extra potions storage closet. You know, the one sorta by Snape's office, but around the corner?” I waited for him to nod his head before continuing.

“Well, I was about to bust in when I heard Braniac saying that she didn't want to go to Japan, but then Scarhead was all `nooooo it's all your fault, everything always is.' So then my brother was like, `loser Scarhead, shut up. You know Braniac wouldn't leave us on purpose.' So then all the storage containers started knocking together when Braniac practically confessed her undying love for Scarhead when he stormed out,” Draco let out a small smile at my recollection of the events. He had been smiling more often since the plans were finally becoming real.

“I hate you!” The words echoed up from the Slytherin dorms ending the moment between Draco and I.

“You are an evil bastard. You suck in bed!” Pansy's voice held a shrill note as she broke up with another one of her boyfriends. It was a form of weekly entertainment in the Slytherin house.

“Pansy, shut the fuck up!” A female voice yelled from a different set of stairs. It was then that I met the Slytherin Ice Princess, Blaise Zabini. She seemed to glide up the stairs and possessed a smile that made you wonder why she had become a snake.

“Draco love, my bar opened three hours ago, why hasn't yours opened yet?” She had beautiful hazel eyes and short blonde hair that made her look like a pixie. Draco stood and greeted the girl with a hug.

“Blaise, meet Ginny. Ginny is my partner,” That was all he said about me, and that was fine.

“You're that Gryff who's always here, right?” I nodded my head and extended my hand for a shake. Her hand was soft, no calluses from hard work and her nails perfectly manicured.

“Thank you! Thanks to you, Pansy started fucking outside of the house so now I only see her half as often,” The girl gave a devilish grin before walking towards the door.

“Draco, you better open soon or your customers will become mine,” She didn't turn back around and left the cold common room to go to God knows where.

“Want to help me open?” Draco asked cocking his head to the side once the wall slid back into place. My mind froze for a moment as I took in what he was asking me.

“Ok, I guess,” Why did he want my help to open? This was not part of the deal that made our relationship. I knew he did other things besides planning, as he knew I did. The two worlds never combined, until now that is.

“Well, are you coming?” He stood by the doorway looking back towards me. Shaking my head absentmindedly I stood up and walked over next to him.

That was the turning point.

It was then that the relationship between Draco and I changed. We were no longer just accomplices; we were something more, but not something with a title.

If you give something a title that means you are acknowledging its existence. We weren't ready to do that. To become traitors of the blood feuds our ancestors created.

We were just more.

“Draco, you're opening late,” a Hufflepuff boy that I knew to be at least two years younger than me stood twitching by the door Draco was about to open.

“Francis I cut off your credit. You can't come back in here, unless it's to pay me back,” Draco was always concerned about his money and knew where to invest it, and where not to. He was always up to date on the major business transactions that went on in Hogwarts.

“Draco, come on! I'm going to win big tonight, I can feel it,” he said. The boy was a gambling addict for sure.

“Go win big somewhere else. If I catch word you're trying to sneak into my bar or Terry Boot's, let's just say you won't be walking for a while,” he said without looking at the boy. As Draco's words reverberated down the hall the twitchy boy slowly walked away throwing longing glances over his shoulder every so often.

“Enter, if you dare,” Draco said with a smirk as he held the door open for me. I had been to Draco's club a handful of times, but like everything else it looked different in the dark.

“Lumos,” I whispered igniting the tip of my wand in a brilliant flame. The spark of light cast eerie shadows over the different planes of the room.

“Oculus Lumos Coloris,” Draco said in a strong voice from behind me and glass lenses on the tables lit up with different colors of fire.

“I changed it around a bit like you suggested,” He breathed into my hair before pulling away and going behind the bar. My body felt on fire and I could still feel the tingle of where his breath once was.

What was happening to me?

With a couple charms and such chairs were put down, soft music started and cards began to shuffle themselves.

“Where are your dealers?” Since the opening of the Ice Cube, Draco had always hired older Ravenclaws to deal his card games. He thought they were the trustworthiest and could spot cheaters the best.

“I got rid of them,” came his muffled response from under the bar.

“Why?” I'm sure his dealers would miss the steady paycheck.

“Those cards on the tables,” He said gesturing to the nearest table, “shuffle themselves, deal themselves, and have various anti-cheating charms on them. Why should I pay a dealer when I have cards that do it themselves?” A couple of magical shakers were on the bar and the garnishes had been placed there with a cooling charm on them.

“We really need to discuss our plans,” I eluded to what they were about because the flow of Draco's customers had started.

“Later,” was his reply and I slinked over to the bar for a fairy martini.

Draco's bar was one of the hot spots of Hogwarts' lower belly. From that seat at the bar I saw children and adults from all four houses come and try their chance with lady luck. Some were on her good side, some on her bad side, and some didn't even know her name.

The bar remained crowded until closing time, and I found out that a second year Gryffindor could out drink me. As the clock in the background chimed four times, people scurried out to sneak back up to bed. There were only three people left in the bar. Me, Draco, and someone wrapped heavily in cloaks—so heavily you couldn't see his or her face.

“I'm closing up here,” Draco said to the mystery person as glasses and bottles began magically putting themselves away.

“Can I take this from you?” I asked from behind the bar slowly taking their Fire Whiskey out of their grasp. A cut up wrist shot forward and pulled it back.

“Don't touch my things Ginerva,” A hollow voice that I recognized but couldn't place scratched out.

“Come on, I'm trying to close,” Draco shouted at the person from the other end of the club where enchanted brooms were sweeping up the debris. The mystery person let out a deep sigh before placing a galleon on the bar and exiting with a silent swish of their many cloaks.

“Who was that?” I asked Draco as soon as the door had slammed shut. Very few people knew my real name, so few I could count them on my fingers.

“I don't know, but they come in here allot, and when they're not here, they're at Terry's bar,” Draco looked at me questioningly, as if wondering why I had asked.

“He cut himself,” I said quietly before charming their glass to begin cleaning.

“So?” Draco asked. This was one of the many issues we disagreed on. He thought self-mutilation was perfectly normal. It had come up in conversation when we talked about recruiting a certain Hufflepuff.

“His voice sounded familiar, OK?” I knew he wasn't going to leave me alone until I told him why it bothered me so much, so I decided to just bypass the annoying questions.

“Well, he does go to school with you,” Draco snidely replied before turning out the lights and directing me towards the door.

“It sounded too familiar,” I sighed. He wouldn't understand how I felt. Letting out a low growl he ran his hand through his hair exasperatedly before starting to talk.

“Officially,” He began in a whisper so quiet I had to strain my ears. “I have no clue who that person is. Unofficially,” If it was possible he made his voice go a degree quieter. “It was Harry Potter.”

I didn't want to believe it. Yes, I had accepted Harry's human imperfections, but this… no. Harry would never.

Would he?

I took off running down the hall hearing Draco's voice yelling at me to stop. Up flights of stair and to the tower. I should have been curious about why no teachers had stopped me, but I wasn't. All cared about was seeing if Harry was that person.

I'm not sure why it meant so much to me, it just did.

As the portrait swung open there Harry sat in a scarlet armchair next to the fire looking at the marauders map.

“Draco told you, huh?” His voice didn't have the anger it normally held it was just dead. One monotonous note forming out the words he had to say.

“It's not true,” I had whispered, panting, trying to regain my breath.

“Ginny, don't kid yourself. You're too smart for that,” It was that instant that changed how I thought about everything. It was then that I realized the light side would lose the war with out the giant revenge.

“Why?” I sobbed walking over to his chair. “Why would you do this to yourself?” I took a shaky hand and gently brushed the hair from his face.

“It's not so strange,” He replied in the same tone as he shrugged away from my hand.

“Yes it is,” I whispered. Tears were falling freely down my face and I didn't know why. I shouldn't have cared so much what Harry did to his self, but I did. I cared a lot.

"You don't get it, do you? No, how could you? You don't seem to realize that this happens everywhere. Everywhere, every day. You've probably heard about it in the news; some prisoner gets raped and killed by another in a London jail. A child gets beaten to death by his father, a woman is sent to the emergency room for getting beaten by her husband or boyfriend, a teenage girl gets charged for murdering her dad who's been fucking her every night for the past three years, while yet another person commits suicide for reasons unknown to us. But it doesn't happen to anyone you know, or anyone remotely close to you, so it can't be real. Of course not, you just think that it's impossible. And finally, you meet someone it has happened to, and it suddenly becomes more personal, and you finally believe that it's true. And really, you do know that you've believed it all along; you just didn't want to." His voice had changed from the monotonous tone and was now a steady yell.

“You just don't want to,” He said again, this time in a whisper, before he too became a slave to the tears that plagued our young lives. I hugged him close and rubbed his back as he sobbed into my last clean robe. In my heart of hearts I knew that Voldemort was going to pay for breaking The-Boy-Who-Lived.

I don't remember much anything else of what happened on that day. The mix of my high emotions and my alcohol intake did crazy things to my memory. The last part of that night from hell (or should I say morning?) took place in Draco's dorm.

I don't remember how I got there, I don't remember what happed prior, but I do remember this:

Draco gently brushed the tears from my eyes and leaned his head down so close to mine our noses touched.

“Don't cry, I'll protect you, I promise,” With that said he captured my lips in a passionate kiss as our tongues danced a primitive dance.

“I will always protect you,” He whispered leaning his forehead against mine as he pulled away.

“Always…”

Draco should have been smarter than that to say the word `always.' I should have been smarter than that to believe him. The one thing we both should have remembered is that war changes everything.

I had seen the Golden Trio break; I had seen Harry Potter fall from grace; I had seen Draco Malfoy kiss a Weasley.

Once I heard a saying, `things don't change, people do.' That's a lie.

Things change, it's just a matter of what perspective you take.

Always is a word that should be illegal, nothing ever stays forever.

AN: SORRY THAT IT TOOK SO LONG, I'VE BEEN BUSY AND FOR SOME REASON I HAD ALLOT OF TROUBLE WRITING THIS CHAPTER AND NEEDED SOME HELP FROM MY COUSIN. THANK YOU TO ALL THAT REVIEWED MY STORY AND TO MY BETA BOOKISH_GURL024. I'LL GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP ASAP VOTE FOR ME ON THE PORTKEY READER CHOCE AWARDS UNDER BEST NEW AUTHOR OR UNDER BEST SHORT FIC ANGST FOR MY STORY GREENER GRASS. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE LATEST INSTALLMENT.

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