Did Not Understand

Phantom Keeper

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Draco & Ginny
Book: Draco & Ginny, Books 1 - 5
Published: 09/07/2004
Last Updated: 09/07/2004
Status: completed

Ginny’s been grieving for almost a year since learning of her brothers’ death from the war. She’s turned to cutting, and someone finds out and tries to help her. DG, mentions self-mutilation, language, and sexuality, song-fic, one-shot – don’t read if s-m offends you

Chapters

1. Did Not Understand

1. Did Not Understand

Did Not Understand

Rating: PG-13 for mentions of self-mutilation, language, and violence

Keywords: Song fic, one-shot, angst/drama

Characters: Ginny, Draco

Summary: Ginny’s been grieving for almost a year since learning of her brothers’ death from the war. She’s turned to cutting, and someone finds out and tries to help her. DG, mentions self-mutilation, song-fic – don’t read if that offends you

AN: I don’t like Ginny’s real name Ginerva. I used to know someone with that name and I had bad experiences with her, so I refuse to use that name. Sorry to J.K. and everyone that loves her real name and believes it should be used, but I feel Virginia suits Ginny more, especially as she grows up. So, therefore, I shall be using Virginia not Ginerva

Ginny walked up to the castle from the cave she’d found in the Forbidden Forest. It’d happened five months prior, when she’d been out in the forest helping Hagrid during a detention she’d gotten from Snape for not paying attention. She knew it had to be after midnight, and there were chances she’d get caught by the Heads of Houses, or prefects, or Filch, or Head Girl Hermione, or worse, Head Boy Draco Malfoy. Ever since her brother had been viciously murdered in the war during the middle of her fifth year, he hadn’t been very evil. Albeit he still tried to take points away whenever she did something wrong, or pick a fight with her brother and Harry (he didn’t dare go after Hermione in case she went to Dumbledore and had his Head Boy status revoked). It was like he felt sorry for her; he just took points from her and went on his way, which infuriated Ron, whom thought Malfoy might be up to something. She made it to the girls’ lavatory without any problems, which is where she looked at herself in the mirror.

“You look hellacious.” The mirror responded, frowning at the girl who turned on the tap.

Ginny shrugged out of her cloak and draped it over the sink next to the one she was using. She waited until the water had created a steam, which fogged up the mirror. She started humming to no song in particular, a small smile on her face as she washed the blood from her arm, loving the extra pain the hot water caused as it licked her open wounds.

She held her arm under the blazing hot water for a few minutes, still humming, before fading away in a memory of how she’d come to torturing herself just to feel something.

It was October. This meant Ginny’s favorite season, Fall. She loved to go out near the lake, sit under the tree perched near the bank, and watch the leaves fall one by one around her. She had stayed out late one particular morning, and was late to breakfast. She got up from the tree and ran all the way to the castle, not stopping until she made it to the entrance doors, where she stopped and took a deep breath. She refreshed herself and plastered on a happy smile, though worry shone through easily. Her eldest brother, Bill, had left his Egyptian Gringotts job as a curse breaker, to help with the war. Ginny had tried talking him out of it, as did her Mum, but he wouldn’t listen to them.

Ginny sighed, and broke through the Great Hall doors, looking happy. Every single persons head turned to the intrusion of breakfast, before going back to eating. But Ginny, she stopped. Ron was looking at her, grief, and pain, and so many emotions were visible on his face as his girlfriend, Luna Lovegood, wrapped her arm around his shoulder, and Harry held a saddened Hermione. Then she noticed another red head. It was Charlie, her second eldest, and favorite brother. He too looked like Ron did.

“No.” Ginny stated clearly, a whisper at first, before her voice rose, gathering everyone’s attention to her, “No. No. No. NO!” She screamed on the last ‘no’. Charlie was walking to her, tears gathering in his eyes as he tried to wrap his arms around his baby sister. She stepped away from him, knowing that if he wrapped his arms around her, that it would be real. She hit the wall behind her, which she bounced off of from the softening charms on walls, and just stood there, blank expression, tears falling down her face. She felt her feet get numb, the feeling growing upward, until she couldn’t feel her legs anymore. She knew this was what Madam Pomfrey called ‘shock’. She was falling, then arms tightened around her. She grabbed the mans arm as he painlessly let her sit on her knees, he leaning on one knee also, his arms wrapped around her, cheek resting on the back of her head. She tried standing, an unpleasant feeling growing in her stomach.

“Ginny…”

“NO!” She screamed, ripping from Charlie’s grip and running as fast as she could, somewhere… anywhere. She just had to get away from there.

Ginny didn’t remember where she had ended up. She just remembered running… and then she woke up in her bed.

“What’re you doing out of bed?”

Ginny spun around, fear written on her face at being caught. Her hands were limp at her sides, water droplets dripped from her fingers, as did a new flow of blood, “Malfoy! I… I can explain.”

“You’re bleeding.” He stated, his eyes falling to her wounds. He stepped forward and grabbed her arms. He sighed, “I begged you not to do this that night, Gin. I begged you not to hurt yourself.” He said, grasping her wrists.

“What’re you talking about, Malfoy?” Ginny asked, ripping her arms from his soft hands.

“After you ran from your brothers after hearing about your other brothers death. You stumbled upon the cave… my cave. I found you in there crying. You told me to leave you alone but I couldn’t. Something broke seeing you there on the ground sobbing.” He whispered, wiping away a stray tear from Ginny’s face.

“Leave me alone you bastard! It’s your fathers fault my brother was murdered.” Ginny said harshly, grabbing her robe and knapsack and ran from the bathroom. Tears fell from her eyes as she remembered her brother’s funeral.

Dad had used his Ministry contacts to get Celestia Warbuck to perform Amazing Grace at Bill’s funeral. They were ready to lower him into the ground, into the freshly dug six feet hole. Several people from Gringotts came, Bill’s girlfriend Haylee Nichol came as well as her family, a few people from the War came, and Kingsley Shacklebolt, Nymphadora Tonks, Alastor Moody, and Minister Fudge were there from the Ministry. The entire Weasley clan was there, a few of Ginny and Ron’s friends. Fred and George’s friends were there; Professor Dumbledore was there as well.

They had just put Bill’s casket in the ground and people were giving their condolences. Ginny ignored people as she numbly stared at the new dirt that had been thrown over her brother. She took a deep breath and looked around slowly. She stopped and let out her shaky breath as she looked to a huge shadowing tree a few dozen feet from where she stood. A man in a suit stood behind the tree. His hair blew loosely in the wind; his hair not gelled like normal. His gray eyes squinted in the wind as he stared at her. She ignored her sobbing mother as she passed her, ignored her brothers as they greeted people giving their sympathies. She calmly walked to the man and searched his eyes.

“What’re you doing here?” She asked, her voice raw with emotion.

“I’m so sorry about your brother ‘Ginia.” Draco said, wiping away one of her tears with the pad of his thumb.

“Draco…” She breathed his name, want flooding through her body.

“I’d better go before your brothers notice you over here with me.” Draco said softly, bending forward and pressing his lips to hers softly, “Goodbye Virginia.”

“Wait… don’t.” She said, tears flooding to her eyes again, unable to stop them from breaking from her eyes. She reached out to stop him but he didn’t stop. She dropped to her knees as another man that she cared about left her life.

Ginny collapsed on her bed in her solo dorm room that Dumbledore had given her after Bill died. She hadn’t remembered Draco at the funeral. Ignoring it, she fell into a deep sleep.

She tripped and tumbled down the rest of the slope that she had been running down in the Forbidden Forest. She fell through a trap and landed hard on her back on stone. She looked around to see herself in a cave. Something felt alive inside of herself again as she felt pain flow through her body. She crawled toward the automatic fire that had lit when she fell in. It warmed her slightly, but not much. Something inside of her felt cold knowing that one of her brothers would never hug her, kiss her, or tell her that they love her. It was like missing an arm, or a leg. She hunched forward, sitting on her knees, her forehead lying on her knees.

“Virginia?”

Ginny looked up at the voice, “Go away Malfoy. Just please leave me alone. Please.”

Instead, Draco walked over and sat down next to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. He put his chin against the side of her neck and hugged her, slightly rocking her back and forth. She sobbed in his arms for a while, both losing track of time. Ginny had fallen asleep in his arms around noon, and now it was seven.

“Gin, ‘Ginia wake up. It’s after seven.” Draco whispered to the angelic vixen lying across his lap, running his fingers through her curly hair.

Ginny jumped awake, “Malfoy? What’re you doing here?”

Draco wiped away a smudge from her cheek, “I found you here in my cave.”

“Your cave?” She asked, looking around, “Where’s your name?”

Draco pointed to a place by the fire where his name was carved, “There.” He smiled softly at her look, “Virginia…”

Ginny looked at him. He knew her whole name. Want flooded through her body as she stared at him. She leaned forward and placed her lips over his. They kissed for a while, Draco responding, showing no signs of turning away from her. He pulled away and trailed his lips to her neck, “Virginia.”

“Draco.” She moaned his name, grabbing at the waist of his shirt that was tucked into his pants. She jumped as his cool, strong hands found her abdomen, trailing upward, bringing her shirt with it.

Draco placed another kiss on her lips as she moved to climb the ladder to leave the cave, “Virginia, promise me one thing. If you need something, or someone, come to me. Don’t, don’t hurt yourself. Please.” He pleaded.

“I promise.”

Ginny sat up in bed, gasping. She finally remembered that night. That day had been the worst that she could ever imagine, but that night was amazing.

It was seven am already, so she got up and went to breakfast. She sat down at the end of the table, away from everyone else. She was halfway through her breakfast when an owl dropped a rolled up bit of parchment on her plate. She shook off the egg bits and unrolled it, reading the flowy green ink. She also noticed a seal on it, a green M at the top of the stationary. She began to read the song written across the parchment.

Every night you wrote another line

With a bloody, broken bottle

And every day you wish it away

Why don’t you pull the pin

On that grenade ya coddle

I wanted to believe

Body swinging from tree

Struggling to stand

With your head in your hands

Historic last stand of a dying woman

I wanted to believe as I

Watched your world crumble in your hands

I wanted to believe as you

Raised a glass to your last stand

And I wanted to believe you would win the war in your head

That I did not understand

I did not understand

Every night the questions poured out

Of your wounded eyes

Damn, dark things

Every day you used to pray

Listen to the black raven sing

You wanted to believe as you were falling to your knees

Struggling to stand

With your life in your hands

The sad last stand of a broken woman

I wanted to believe as I

Watched your world crumble in your hands

I wanted to believe as you

Raised a glass to your last stand

And I wanted to believe you would win the war in your head

That I did not understand

I did not understand

I wanted to believe as I

Watched your world crumble in your hands

I wanted to believe as you

Raised your glass to your last stand

And I wanted to believe you would win that war in your head

That I did not understand

I did not understand

And the questions pour out

And the questions pour out

Did not understand

Did not understand

Did not understand

Did not understand

The sound of you falling

Did not understand

Is the trembling heart of a dying woman

Did not understand

The sound of a trembling heart

She slammed the parchment down on the table and left the Great Hall, knowing Draco would follow her. She ran out to the cave, and waited for him there. When he coolly and calmly made his way down the ladder, she looked at him, angry expression and tears on her face.

“You have no right!” She yelled at him, “You stupid little song…. Have you been watching me Malfoy? If so, I could have you in serious trouble for stalking!”

“Virginia…”

“NO! Listen to me Malfoy. Stay the hell away from me!” Ginny said, and walked around Draco.

He snapped around and grabbed her arms.

“Ow! Let go of me! You’re hurting me.” Ginny told him, struggling in his strong grip.

“I thought you liked pain Virginia! That’s why you come here, to escape your brother, your friends. You come here to slash yourself up to supposedly feel something. It’s been a year Virginia! You lost your brother, it’s sad, I get that! But it’s no damn reason for you to mutilate yourself! Do you think Bill would let you do this? Do you think he’d want you to do this! What if you slipped and cut open your wrist? No one would know how or where to find you. Meanwhile, your family would mourn losing another child!” He shook her a few times, as if to shake sense into her, “You have to stop this Virginia.”

She stopped struggling and sank to her knees. She’d been selfish. She ignored everyone else to help herself. She wasn’t the only one that had been grieving over a lost brother, friend. Her mother had lost something she’d carried for almost ten months, fed him, sang to him, loved him.

Draco fell to his knee to gather Ginny in his arms. He rested her head on his left knee, and rubbed her back, trying to sooth her sobs.

After a few minutes of crying, Ginny lifted her head to look Draco in the eyes, “Why do you call me Virginia?”

“Because when we first met in here, I called you that and your eyes lit up. I’ve wanted to see them light up like that for a year.” Draco said, brushing away tears and stray hairs from her face.

Ginny leant forward and placed a kiss on Draco’s lips, “Thank you.” She said when she pulled away.

Okie, I know the song is a bit weird, but I changed my mind and wasn’t gonna put it in, then I changed my mind again and put it in. The song is from the Underworld soundtrack, and its called Suicide Note. I don’t really know who sings it, but it’s not mine. Also, I changed man to woman in the song. And, I know the fic isn’t the best, but I’ve read… and done… worse, but I’ve also read and done a helluva lot better.

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