A Reason

Creepy Susie

Rating: R
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 11/07/2004
Last Updated: 11/07/2004
Status: completed

A song ('a reason' by steve burns) ficlet that depicts Harry and Hermione's day before the final battle. Emotions and feelings are exchanged in a heartfelt manner.

Chapters

1. A Reason

1. A Reason

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters that you recognize. The song is written by Steve Burns (Formerly known as Steve from Blues Clues). I would suggest you to check him out.

A reason

I need a reason to see you again

Give me a reason

Let's not be friends

Running around was better than this

I'd rather die alone than live like this

Give me a reason to see you again

I'd need a reason

Let's not be friends

We can roll around on my floor

That's what it's fore

Roll around on my floor

That's what it's for

~ Steven Burns

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

As the date of the final battle drew closer to the present date, more and more anxiety was built between the two best friends that eventually released like an open dam. Angry and hurtful words were exchanged as they retorted in a verbal battle that remained bottled into their subconscious for too long.

“You are not going and that's the end of the discussion!!” Harry yelled with such force and vigor it seemed as though his life depended on it.

“Harry, I have been by your side for the past 7 years! I have been beside you every year you have faced Voldemort. There is no way I am going to abandon you now!! You need me out there! You are just too much of a dolt to realize it!” Hermione retorted as anger etched across her face.

“This is my battle! I am going alone! I don't need anymore suffering on account of my battle! There are too many lives at stake for me to risk any more!!”

“You are not the only ones that have lost loved ones in battle!' her eyes watered as the memory of the late Grangers and Ginny came into her mind, ‘There is enough suffering as is! You cannot handle this by yourself! This is too big for even you, the great Harry Potter! YOU NEED US!!”

Her voice softened, “You need me. Why won't you let me help you?”

He looked at her with a flush of remorse. He opened his mouth, hoping some words would tumble out and improvise into a logical explanation, but none came out. He was utterly speechless in front of the girl he had realized he loved since he first met her.

“Give me a reason, Harry. Give me one reason why. Why should I walk away, indifferent and not care about what happens to you? Give me a reason why I have to pretend that I don't care and stay. Give me one reason why” she whispered.

Large, rounded tears flew from her watery eyes. Despite the tears, he could see into her mahogany irises and read into her questioning soul. He took her hands in his while the other brushed the tears from her damp cheek.

“Because I love you beyond what words in any language can comprehend.” With that said, he kissed her forehead and left her room. When she saw him close the door she sank down to the floor clutching her knees as she reminisced on the first time he had ever expressed feelings towards her other than platonic friendship and another down pour of tears rained.

She knew that the angry words that were yelled between each other were only words and nothing else. But it still hurt to hear them said from the one person that she has secretly loved for the past 3 years. Now she finally knew. She finally knew that he loved her in return, but there's nothing she can do. He made up his mind. But she had to try.

He always blamed himself for everyone that he has lost. As much as he loved her, he couldn't risk the one life that meant the most to him.

Many lives were already lost before the war even began. It started with Cedric's demise in fourth year, Sirius in fifth, and moved onto more random mass deaths following that. The first muggles targeted were the Grangers due to the close proximity Hermione had to Harry. But it wasn't just her parents. The deatheathers were as lethal as they came. They sought out to destroy nearly all of her extended family, her aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. They had all shared the same fate of torture.

Neville's grandmother was finally attacked on the anniversary of Neville's parent's torture for the sheer entertainment on the part of Bellatrix Lestrange. But little did she know that despite Neville was the boy-who-was-not-chosen, much power lied within him as well, accounting her demise as the first deatheater casualty.

But the death of the late Ginerva Weasley was the one that hit most people and hit them the hardest. No one expected the fairly quiet Theodore Nott to be one of such violence. He had slipped her a strong sleeping draught into her hot cocoa that night before sneaking into the girls dormitories unnoticed and levitated her off the school grounds into the dark forest. When they found her the following morning, her body was raped and mutilated to such an extent that Molly and Arthur Weasley did not believe it was their daughter at first glance. The next day, Neville disappeared and reappeared later at night, only to refuse to answer questions regarding his whereabouts. Theodore Nott was never heard of again.

After Ginny's death, Ron started to find himself more and more withdrawn from the former ‘golden trio'. This turned to a more permanent note when he and Luna accidentally encountered a group of deatheaters. Luna was hit unexpectedly with a weak form of the Avada Kedavra curse by a new deatheater straight in the chest. Even though he did not put his full effort into conjuring the curse, it has left her in coma since. Ron has never left her side.

The end of the war would hold different meanings for every individual. But the one under most stress would have been Harry himself. They all knew that he would be the one to bring them all salvation, but if they played him the wrong way, it may bring the exact opposite. Harry refused to acknowledge the fact that he needed her. He was absolutely convinced that, despite his undying love for her, it would be the best for him to spend the rest of his days alone. Everyone he got close to suffered a terrible fate.

With all those troubles and horrible memories replaying in his head over and over again, he didn't even notice the door open and close until he saw Hermione kneel down before him with eyes of reassurance.

She sat there for a few moments just looking into his eyes before she broke the initial silence.

“I asked you to give me a reason why I should leave you when my heart undoubtedly belongs here with you and you gave me that reason and I accepted it.' She let out a huge sigh and continued, ‘Now I have some reasons of my own for why I am not leaving.”

Harry opened his mouth to protest, but Hermione silenced him by placing her fingers on his lips.

“I am not leaving because you are all I have left. I have no one to go to. My parents left me, my aunts, uncles, cousins are all gone. Ginny's dead, Ron won't talk, Neville's a wreck and Luna's in a coma. I have no one. No one. If you leave me or push me away, I will surely die,' she gave him a minute to comprehend all this, ‘I do not want us to be friends anymore. I do not want to run around each other knowing that we love each other but not able to do anything because we are too scared. I don't want to live another day in my life if you are not apart of it. It is physically impossible for me to survive without you.” Her body trembled as she continued, “I cannot even function properly because of a single reason. I love you.”

“I can't. I cannot let you risk your life because you think you love me. I cannot let yourself be killed because you think I am worth it. I am not worth it.” He said with a voice barely above a whisper.

“I don't think I love you. I know I love you!” she pleaded.

“Hermione, you don't understand what you are talking about” Harry tried to explain.

“NO! You are the one who doesn't understand!' Hermione shouted, ‘If you leave me, I will have nothing left. I need this. This is not your choice. It is not your decision whether I leave or go. It is my choice and I have made it. I gave my reason. I cannot live without you Harry! Pl.. please don't push me away.” A fresh batch of tears fell from her eyes as she stuttered the last words.

Harry exhaled the breath in his chest that he didn't know he was holding. His better judgment knew better than to do what he was about to do but his heart was too heavy to even care.

He leaned forward and brought his fingers to her eyes to wipe away the collected tears. She could feel his callused fingertips replaced with his tender lips as he kissed away her insecurities. His kisses trailed down her nose until their lips met for the first time. Many sweet innocent kisses were exchanged until they grew more feral and untamed. Their hands roamed each other's arms, shoulders and backs, pleading for more contact. His hand moved from the small of her back to the front of her flat stomach, resting at the hem of her shirt. He broke away from the kiss and was about to ask her if she was sure, but her fingers silenced him once again. Without a word, he lifted the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. And in the same manner he discarded her blue jeans as well.

Soon they were all shed of clothing in the bed. Harry towered over her as his hands roamed over her breast. She gave a small gasp in their kiss, relishing in the feeling. He looked at Hermione in the moon light. Harry lost his breath. She was the most exquisite beauty he has ever seen. The way that her curves silhouetted in the glow of the moon. She was beautiful.

It was the first time Hermione has ever shared such close intimacy with anyone. Her hands trembled with excitement as he brought her fingers to his lips.

Slowly, he brought his lips to her ear and whispered, “We don't have to do this. We can stop right now and let everything go back to how it was before.” Only, Harry didn't want everything to go back to the way they were before. He didn't want to fight with her anymore. But he won't take anything from her if she doesn't give it. How much he wanted her to want him in the same passion as he wanted her.

He pulled back only to stare into her eyes, hoping she would give some sort of response. But the only response he received was her pulling his head down to meet her lips.

** ** **

Harry was wide awake staring down at peaceful form of the delicate form resting beside him. He didn't want to leave. But he had to, it wasn't a choice. It was still early in the morn, dawn had yet to come. The flickering of the bedside candle illuminated the slight stress lines across her forehead. He kissed her little furrow and climbed out of bed.

He was to leave at dawn. Dumbledore would provide the portkey and he would be gone.

But there was still one thing he had to do.

He sat down at his desk and started to write.

** ** **

Hermione woke up with the early morning sun gleaming into her eyes.

Something was wrong. She could feel it in her bones. She looked over to where Harry was when she last saw him. All she saw was a tangle of bed sheets.

Hermione felt angry, sad, betrayed but mostly alone. He was supposed to wait for her and they would go face this challenge together and he has left without her. Her body trembled with fear and sadness until something caught her eye. In golden stationary, it had the recognizable messy scrawl that spelled out her name.

She opened the envelope and read the letter encased inside.

Dear Hermione,

By the time you read this letter, I will be on my way. I can only hope that you can understand the position I am in. But do not weep, because I know I will return.

I never understood the power which I possessed that the prophecy spoke so highly of, until now. I do not want you to wait hearing my death because it won't happen. I found it. I found that love in you. I love you so much that mere words cannot express. I know how to defeat him and it was because of you. I have this new found hope that makes me want to sing. You asked me to give you a reason why I have to do this. My reason is very simple. I love you. I love you so much that I want to come back and get married. I want to wake up every morning next to you. I want us to make love in every room in our new home. I want our many children to gag when we kiss. I want our offspring to worry about the opposite sex and the next potions exam. I want to complain about the leaky roof when it rains and squeaky mattress when we make love. I want us to retire next to the countryside after our last child moves out of our nest. I want us to grow old together only to smile at our wondrous life.

I will be back. Voldemort doesn't stand a chance. So much is waiting for us.

Wait for my return,

Harry

She closed the letter as a lone tear trailed down her cheek.

*** *** *** *** ***