That Funny Feeling.

Rid

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 15/07/2004
Last Updated: 13/09/2004
Status: in_progress

In her search for Mr. right-Hermoine goes through her share of weirdo’s. Harry does everything to make his life what it never will be-Perfect. What they both don't know is that-they belong together- one way or another. And if it will take the Weasley siblings four disaster dates and one major break-up to get these two together- they will do that and more. A story for all of you who had their Mr. Right in front of them- but could never recognize them.

Chapters

1. The Resolution

2. Chapter two

1. The Resolution

That Funny Felling.

Summary -In her search for Mr. right-Hermoine goes through her share of weirdo's. Harry does everything to make his life what it never will be-Perfect. What they both don't know is that-they belong together- one way or another. And if it will take the Weasley siblings four disaster dates and one major break-up to get these two together- they will do that and more. A story for all of you who had their Mr. Right in front of them- but could never recognize them.

Hermoine Granger's Diary.

January 1st.

The year usually starts out with my mentioning last year's events-and hoping for a better one this time. Then I harp on and on about how I still have to loose those last ten pounds- ok alright- it's fifteen. I actually wonder how I got so many curves overnight. I never was so fat - and now I'm -ugly-ugg how I hate being fat. Anyways- getting back to the topic-

For a change this year-I am going to put down a resolution-`FINDIND A SPERM DONAR'-ofcource it would be so absolutely amazing if the man in question would fall for me too- but then I'll be expecting too much , too soon. I have realized suddenly- God help me-That my biological clock is ticking and well ever since Viktor shouted in front of my entire neighborhood that I was an old hag, and a frigid bitch, no man wishes to come five meters within my parameter. Uff- Although it was fun watching Viktor sprout nasty boils due to my very handy wandless magic-his words burned a hole in my perfect way of looking at life and made me realize that I was in my late twenties and had experienced love not even once. I mean who in the entire muggle or wizard world remains a virgin up till the age of twenty seven. It's an outrage-Hermoine Granger not being able to find herself a suitable candidate to fill the position of her lover?

So-I have come to the very wise conclusion that this year will be dedicated to my finding a suitable candidate of the male species-hopefully to bed me and make me pregnant.

Spinster- but on the path to unvirginity

Hermoine Ann Granger.

“Hello! Ginny are you there?” asked Hermoine shouting rather loudly into the receiver. She saw Crookshanks open one eye-lid and give her the cold stare. It was really amazing, how a cat could react like a Human. Like at that very moment Crookshanks knew that a new resolution was about to be announced - and she also knew that Hermoine being Hermoine would follow it for only two months. Ignoring the orange mass of hair- Hermoine concentrated on awakening Ginny -who apparently had fallen asleep on the phone. Was that even correct grammar?

“Hermoine-Oh I'm sorry-I must have dozed off,” said Ginny apologetically.

Could someone actually do that? Hermoine wondered for the eleventh time. Ginny Weasley was the only girl who was capable of falling asleep while speaking to someone on the telephone.

“Did I wake you up this time?” asked Hermoine frustrated at her friend's non-cooperation.

“No! What? How silly of you to think that I would be sleeping at four in the morning on the second day of the year. I was just sitting here in my hall wondering whether the Zulu tribes are vegetarian or not!” Said Ginny, matter of factly.

“Obviously you came in late from some pary and are really upset,” said Hermoine- quietly trying to exit from the onflow of words she knew she would have to endure.” Its not problem-If you're upset I'll call back later in an hour,” or a week.

“Upset- yeah upset. Tell me Hermoine have you opened the oxford lately to find out what upset really means?” her friend asked her voice rising up a few decibels. A sleepy Crookshanks- jumped from Hermione's lap and quite literally ran for it. She obviously wanted to sleep in peace- where Ginny Weasley's screechy voice didn't reach her.

“No I don't think I have Ginny- Any special reason you asked?”

“Yes,Because Upset is an understated word for someone who has just been dropped home by her date- who is more concerned about some random Aunt he hasn't met for seven years- rather than the love of his life,” finished Ginny- breathing rather fast now. Hermoine wondered if she could have fried and egg on her friends skull right now- but though better of fooling with an angry Weasley.

“So I guess Draco Malfoy- is no longer on your most wanted list anymore?”

“Are you kidding me? Next time my mum asks me to marry the guy-I'll just tell her how back in the sixth year he-“

Before Ginny could utter another word- Hermoine heard the doorbell ring.

“Is it yours or mine?” asked Hermoine.

“Its mine. I bet its Draco- crawling on his knees to apologize”.

“Oh Ginny- should I forget about our early morning girl talk then?” Said Hermoine trying hard to control the laughter threatening to erupt from her lips.

“No no- just give me two minutes- don't put that phone down.”

Hermoine heard Ginny run to the door, and smiled. Her friend's anger was obviously all gone right now. She would be kissing the Slytherin king right now. Hmmm…..When would she be kissing som-?

“You won't believe who it was,” said Ginny- sounding furious.

“Draco Malfoy?” said Hermoine-saying the first thing that came to her mind.

“Ha- you wish. It was my neighbor- that stupid git who looks at my butt every time I pass his house,” said Ginny, speaking rather low now.

“Yeah? What was he doing knocking on your door at four in the morning? And why are you whispering?” she asked- wondering what other crazy stuff she would have to endure.

“He said he just saw me come back in- and he came to give me my mail.”

“Your mail? Couldn't her wait for what- the sun to rise?” asked an Incredulous Hermoine-blessing the blasted jade's- her next door neighbors- who weren't like Mr. butt expert. At least Mr. Jade had the decency to stare at Hermoine from his private window in his study- while she was working out in pure spandex.

“Anyways- forget them- tell me why have you called me so early in the morning- the second time? Things not working with your treadmill?”

“No- no . The treadmills just fine- it's my love life that needs a speed booster. I was feeling incredibly lonely today!”

“Lonely eh? Not to worry-mama Ginny is right here!” said Ginny who for a second reminded Hermoine of Molly. The Weasley's were really very alike.

“So she is. Its my resolution about finding a man. So what's in the mail?” asked Hermoine as she heard the rustle of paper.

“Don't change the topic- and it's some sort of yellow paper,” said Ginny giggling now. Her friend really was unpredictable.

“Yellow paper?”

Moments later, Hermoine's ears were subjected to more torture as Ginny gave out a wail of excitement.

“You won't believe this. I had signed up with this blind date organization- and they have accepted me. How awesome is that?” asked Ginny.

“You know Gin- Blind dates are not always good,” said Hermoine recounting another disaster episode in her life.

“Stop being so pessimistic. This one's exclusive and expensive!” Ginny exclaimed- obviously jumping up and down- judging from the swoosh of air Hermoine heard.

“How expensive?”

“Well, its charging me fifty galleons for every date they find me-“

“Fifty galleons? Are you crazy?” Shouted Hermoine, really scaring Crookshanks now, but she didn't care. Her friend had lost her marbles- and was now going to loose her galleons too on some stupid agency.

“I know it sounds ridiculous- But they go through a lot of pain to find you the perfect match- they match your interests, your hobbies, you professions and your way of thinking.”

“What about looks?” asked Hermoine, knowing full well how much Ginny emphasized on good looks?

“He's a cutie- a muggle though- oh that's alright. And he's a- oh my- he's a bank executive,” Said Ginny obviously reading off a paper.

“They've send you his stats?” asked Hermoine- loving the new word she had picked up from the beauty saloon.

“No-! They've sent me his picture. Oh god moine- he's tall and handsome. Not very dark - but then I always went for the paler one's,” said Ginny referring to Draco.

“What happened to the undying love of your life- Draco Malfoy?” asked Hermoine settling back into the couch- and placing a rather scared Crookshanks back into her lap.

“He's with his aunt. She'll find him someone. “

“And what about the money-“

“You have to make sacrifices dear,” said Ginny.

“Oh- alright. I just hope that you'll be safe.” Said Hermoine giving up.

“Hey, I've got an idea- why don't you join in too. You said you wanted to improve your love life. This may actually be the lift it needs,” said Ginny-jumping again.

“Join an organization that extracts every penny I earn to find me a man- forget it.”

“Come on Hermoine- only if you approve of his stats will you be given his photograph, and think about it- it will atleast be a start towards achieving your resolution”.

“Yeah- but I would still like to try the old fashioned way”.

“Yeah but watch it kid- or your love life will become just like the Zulu tribes”.

Disclaimer- Of-cource I don't own these characters- if I would ,I wouldn't be sitting here listening to my mother shout at me for wasting time on the net for writing stories.

Rating- The rating here is R for safety reasons alone- initially the scenes will be rather mild- but all the good stuff starts later! Review!

A/n- I haven't finished with My boss…..Draco Malfoy yet- but I was getting rather irritated of the story- and was hopelessly bored with the Draco/Ginny pairing so I though About writing a romantic comedy about someone from the light side- and if you ask me Harry/Hermoine are a very cute pair- so I'm pretty excited to see the response to this fic. Its the first time I've tried comedy- hopefully it will be funny! Soon up- Harry Potter and his not so perfect life! Tell me If I should continue.

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2. Chapter two

This Funny Feeling

Chapter two

“Cho, will you listen to me.” The line went dead. Harry Potter cursed loudly and stared blankly at the receiver of the phone. He had enough troubles already and now his steady girlfriend was acting strangely.

Cho-chang, Harry's girlfriend ever since their seventh year, claimed that their relationship was getting predictable. Hell! Bloody Hell! Harry walked over to his favorite couch, and slumpched low. What did she mean by time-apart, anyways? What did all women mean by time apart? He gave out a sigh, and closed his eyes wearily.

His stomach gave a growl. Well about time for my midnight snack. Harry Potter extracted a pack of chips from the kitchen, and sat down, deep in thought. There was a faint buzzing at the back of his head.

Their relationship had seen tough times. Cedric Diggory, Their age gap, Cedric Diggory, Voldemort and some more Cedric Diggory. But their love had always conquered all. Well Harry Potter was not going to let a stupid incident ruin their relationship.

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“So really, why have you called me so early in the morning,” asked Ginny Weasley again.

“Yes well, it's regarding my Love-Life, or the lack of it,” said Hermoine softly.

“Again? I'm having a feeling of Déjà vu. Haven't we had this conversation already?” asked Ginny.

“Yes, but this time, I'm desperate,” said Hermoine, waving out to her grouchy neighbor Mrs. Fishbern- who she had just seen prowling in her backyard.

`And yesterday night you weren't?” asked Ginny.

“I was. But I've made a decision today.”

“So you're going to join the dating agency after all, aren't you?” asked Ginny excitedly.

`No- prepare yourself. I want a sperm donor,” she said. Her announcement was met with utter silence. “Hello- Ginny are you there?” asked Hermoine, blowing air into the Telephone receiver.

“Why are telling me this. You know I can't help you there, I'm a woman for crying out loud,” came a soft voice from the other end.

“Ginerva Weasley, I'm not asking you for a sperm donation, I'm talking generally-“said Hermoine.

“Oh. Thank-god”.

“I just need your help finding the right donor,” said Hermoine.

“Really. Ok. By the way- don't you have some small resolution this year, like losing weight,” asked Ginny.

“Yes- Ten pounds,” said Hermoine critically examining her reflection in the mirror.

“You know Hermoine; your treadmill's a waste. It's just kept there all day…..” said Ginny her voice trailing off.

“Why does everything have to do with my weight?” asked Hermoine, pouting at her reflection in the kitchen mirror.

“Hello- flashback my dear. You used to laugh at Pansy's work-out regiment didn't you?” reminded Ginny. “And now you are the one in need of loosing all those extra pounds.”

“Its not like I'm fat you know……In fact I don't know that I am” said Hermoine, frustrated.

“Ok alright. Forget it. Don't start all that crying now. Tell me how can I help you?” asked Ginny with a sigh.

“I want to have a long term relationship, a meaningful relationship, before I go in for the Artificial insemination,” said Hermoine, seriously frowning at Mrs. Fishbern, who was plucking roses out of Hermoine's back yard.

“Whatever happened to my brother?” asked Ginny.

“Oh please. He's too….umm goofy. And anyways, he's too busy with Luna Lovegood right now,” said Hermoine.

“That's one down. What about the boy who refuses to die and get a new girlfriend?” asked Ginny, referring to her own one time crush.

“Still going strong with Cho-“said Hermoine, still bothered about Mrs. Fishbern's nasty habits.She bent low, to see Mrs. Fishbern pluck out another rose bud.

“We could get him to break-up with her,” said Ginny suggestively.

This brought Hermoine's attention back to the conversation. “That would be totally cruel. Plus I don't look at him in that way at all,” said Hermoine.

“Hey, there's this guy at work called Smith, he'd be perfect for you,” said Ginny.

“Really?” asked Hermoine unsure.

“Totally. I'll speak to him today itself. Now go get dressed, and send over some roses for aunty Ginny,” said Ginny cheerfully.

“I doubt Mrs. Fishbern has left any…..”

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Harry Potter walked into the pub and looked carefully around for any sign of Cho or any of her giggly little friends. Gosh, why couldn't all girl be like Hermoine, no non-sense and intelligent. Wait a sec where'd that come from?

“Coast's clear mate,” said a deep voice to his left, stopping the flow of thoughts in Harry's head. Harry turned to see Ron Weasley grinning at him.

“How are you mate?” asked Harry, giving Ron a high five.

“Yup, I'm fine,” he said, although the smile didn't reach his eyes.

“What happened? Things not looking up with Lovegood?” asked Harry, leading to their usual table in the corner.

“Women. They're just so stubborn.” Said Ron, taking a seat opposite to Harry.

“All women are stubborn, that's fact one in the book,” said Harry, waving his hand, to indicate their usual orders. Every second of January they met up here, to discuss their lives and resolutions. Hermoine had always been present, but since the last one year, she had preferred to avoid such meetings that often revolved around Quidditch and Women.

“There's a book,” asked Ron, scratching his head in confusion.

“No-no mate. I was joking. Honestly Ron, are things that bad?” asked Harry.

“She says I'm insensitive and should consider counseling,” said Ron, taking a small sip of the butter beer the waiter had placed on their table.

“And what did you tell her,” asked Harry, taking a sip himself.

“I told her to look up the meaning of insensitive,” said Ron shaking his head in anger.

“Ron mate, that's no way to talk to a woman. You have to make eye-contact in a situation like this, and maybe give her a good snog or diamond,” said Harry winking at Ron.

“Why don't you and Hermoine write that book?” asked Ron, taking another sip.

“Which book?” asked Harry, shifting, so that the waiter could place their orders on the table?

“Understanding things woman do,” said Ron loudly. Almost all the men in the café turned in their direction, as Ron gave them a small embarrassed smile.

“Hey, that's not my department. And you're forgetting I have my troubles too,” said Harry bitterly.

“Yeah, same old story. So tell me, what's new with Hermoine,” asked Ron, taking a huge bite of his burger.

“Before or after Victor Krum?” asked Harry.

“No really, what was it between them?” asked Ron.

“Beats me. But I heard they just broke up,” said Harry, taking a bite of his own burger.

“And he's still sending her customised postcards?” asked Ron, with a raise of his eyebrows.

“He always was a slow learner,” said Harry, as they both laughed heartily.

“She'll probably hook up with a Muggle manager and have kids in two years…” said Ron. Only he didn't know how wrong he was?

A/n - and there is it- another chapter my dearies!!!I know it has been a long wait- but please forgive this small negligence on my part. Review!

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