The Reason

padfoot_puppyeyes

Rating: G
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 17/07/2004
Last Updated: 17/07/2004
Status: completed

One shot. Song-fic. A little bittersweet at the end. Remus finds the reason Lily and James got together, and remembers his part in it. Hobastank's 'The Reason'

Chapters

1. The Reason

1. The Reason

AN- this is just a one-shot, something I had to write. I've been through three different fanfics sites, and have yet to come across a song-fic regarding Hobastank's `The Reason'. It was just too perfect of an opportunity to miss. So I pushed aside everything I've been writing for a while and spend the night on this one-shot. I'm aware that this song isn't from their time, nor is it very likely James Potter could write. But it was just a bit of fun, so please, don't flame me for that. Enjoy.

Disclaimer- The song, `The Reason' belongs to Hobastank, but I own Harry Potter. That's how come I live in a castle somewhere hidden in Scotland, and I know the ending of the Harry Potter series. Oh, and Sirius lives, I just killed him off to bring him back in book six. Don't worry, him and Harry will go of and live a wonderful life! FINE! Don't rub it in! I don't own that either. Basically, I'm just a thirteen year old with no life.

“You might want to stop now, Prongs. Before she notices and slaps you again.” Remus said, amused to catch his friend staring at the new Head Girl. Lily Evans, brushing her short red hair away from her green eyes, seemed to read his Remus's mind, and turned to glare at James. Again.

James, instead of turning red at being caught in the act, winked at Lily, who in turn intensified her glare and turned away. Shaking his head sadly, James leaned over his books and parchment and pretended to resume studying, only to start staring at Lily again a few minutes later.

He didn't know what it was about her that had him so attracted. Part of it may have been that he couldn't have her, and probably never would be able to have her, but that wasn't all. It was her eyes, her laugh, and her smile…

Not that he ever said any of this. Every time he saw her, the words died right on his lips and his common sense and newly found semi-maturity left him, making him act like some stuffy third-year again.

“You know, if you don't get her this year, you never will.” Remus said, seeing that James was staring again. “And was that the point of leaving Sirius and Peter to that prank? You agreed to come study at the library with me because you knew she'd be there?” James could only nod; not paying his friend's words a moment's thought. “What is it about her anyways?” he turned his attention to his friend's continuous crush.

“Her eyes, her smile, her laugh, how pretty she is when she's angry, her stinging words, her brain…” the list went on and on for poor Remus to hear, but he listened patiently, as he always did. When it finally ended, he had to say he was fairly impressed.

“Why don't you tell her that rather than `hey, Evans, you know you want me?'” the smaller blond seventh year asked, as James continued to stare.

“I wish I could…” James drifted off uncertainly. “But by now, she'd need a lot more. An apology, and… it'd mean I could only date her, and…”

“And?” His friend prompted.

“And I don't have the nerve.” Lily made to walk over to their table, annoyed because James was still watching, and looking like she was about to tell him off again. Not wanting another beating, James looked down, and continued working, his thoughts on Lily. Sure enough, Lily never came to talk to him, knowing he wouldn't risk looking up again any time soon.

But he snuck glances every now and then, and soon the words he'd wanted to say to her came pouring onto the parchment.

First came admitting that he was wrong, as he'd always imagined their conversation would start.

/I'm not a perfect person, there's many thing I wish I didn't do/ just thinking about Lily made the words freeze again, but a moment later he knew something else he'd want to say, something that would fit. /But I continue learning, and I never meant to do those things to you/

Then he thought about what Remus had said, and what would fit, what needed to be said, seeing as it was their last year at Hogwarts.

/and so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know…/

Everything went into the words, into what he had to say to her, everything about how much he had changed in the last two years, everything he had tried to get her to like him, how much he had given up, including pranks, and his close friendship with Sirius, all of it for her. How he had stopped dating last year, determined, and how he no longer ran his hands through his hair in hopes of catching her interest.

* * *

Two hours later, James had a song written, saying everything that needed to be said.

/I'm not a perfect person; there's many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning; I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know/

/I found a reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you/

/I'm sorry that I hurt you; it's something I must live with every day. And all of the pain I put you through; I wish that I cold take it all away. And be the one who catches all your tears…that's why I need you to hear…/

/I found a reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you/

The climax in the song came, repeating James's reason for all of the changes and sacrifices he'd made for her. Her. Then, it went on to say what he thought about the side of him that wrote, the side of him that could be smart, and kind, and worried about her.

/I'm not a perfect person; I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know/

/I found a reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you/

/I found a reason to show, a side of me you didn't know. A reason for all that I do/

/And the reason is you/

It said everything and so much more about how he felt about her, and he meant every word of it. Of course, Lily Evans wouldn't ever actually read it; it was too deep and personal for anyone to read. And there was no music to play it to, as James was talented at Quidditch, not music, though Remus could've come up with something on his guitar. But no, this would remain in one of his drawers, or in the slit under his mattress, where he hid his most valued items; until someday he found someone he had a chance with. He could lie then, and say he'd written it for that person, someone he loved who had a chance of loving him back.

He fell asleep, re-reading the paper and making changes, where Remus found him later. Wondering if James had really been studying through dinner for his NEWT's Remus pulled the book out from under him, wiping the drool off of it. The book was on the same page it had been when Remus had left the library, knowing James wouldn't miss him. So what…

Ah, the parchment explained it. James had been writing. He had a talent with words, something he'd gotten from reading so much with his rich family, but he'd never willingly share it with anyone. The few things he did write were hidden under his mattress and protected with various curses, in case anyone ever tried to take a peek at what James felt the need to keep so private, (as Sirius had done so many times.) In fact, Remus only knew about James and his writing because he had seen James at it once.

Knowing that if James woke up, he'd never see the parchment again, Remus pulled it from his friend's surprisingly strong grip and read it through. It was a shame, Remus thought, that Lily wouldn't ever be able to read this and know about James, the James the Marauders and all of the girls he had charmed knew. Unless…

Smiling, Remus pulled another piece of parchment from James's bag and made a quick copy. He wasn't a Marauder for nothing.

* * *

That night Lily found a single white rose on her pillow, along with a poem written in calligraphy. In surprise, she read through everything James had written earlier, everything he thought about her, how lowly he thought of himself, and how hard he was trying. She read it another two times before smelling the flower, then set both things down. Knowing James was in the room next to hers, as they shared Head Boy and Girl's rooms, she walked out of the room and sat Indian style on the rug in the middle of their small common room, and waited or James to come out.

He smiled at her when he came in, like he always did, and blinked in surprise when she smiled back. “Hey, Evans…you okay?” She nodded, carefully watching his face and judging if he meant wheat he'd said.

“Yeah, just thinking.” She now watched the fire. He sat down hesitantly next to her, unsure, then said after a moment of silence,

“Can I ask about what?”

Shifting uncomfortably, Lily replied with, “About how much has happened and changed since our first year. How many opportunities I've passed up, how many things I've missed.” She responded softly, wondering if he'd understand. Turning her eyes from the flames, she studied his features again. It didn't appear he did.

“You, Lily Evans, miss out? Not likely.” Here he looked at her and began ticking points off in his fingers. “A prefect, and loads of friends, Head Girl, and one of the best people I've ever seen on a broom, even if you refuse to join the team.” The `because of me' hung in the air. He turned his hazel eyes away, and Lily was surprised to find herself disappointed. Btu someone had to make the first move, and he had when he'd left that letter, with those words. That had been James, right? Yes, it had been signed James, and he was the only one who knew the password.

Determined to make the second move, and fix her earlier mistakes, Lily attempted to asked James Potter out without actually saying what he had said so may times, `want to go out with me?' she knew that James did want to, badly, because of what he had written, and how often he had asked. Now or never.

“Well, it's too late to take back my refusal to join the Quidditch team, but…” She stopped shyly, and then thought of his beautiful words earlier, on her pillow, and continued. “But is it too late to take you up on your offer of a butterbeer in Hogsmeade?”

Surprised, he said, “Er-no. Um, why?”

“I thought I might take you up on it.” James was amazed at his good luck, but something seemed off, and before he could stop himself, he lost control of his words around her again and asked,

“What changed you opinion about me? I mean, why?” Lily smiled at him oddly, as though he ought to know what she meant when she said,

“I can think of a few reasons.” And he did know, though he almost wished he didn't. Thinking back, he remembered Remus waking him up…the parchment hadn't been tucked under him, like it should've been. Damn, Moony.

* * *

Remus Lupin paused as he went through Sirius's old things, boxes his friend had kept of Lily and James's saved stuff, stuff that had been sacred to the Marauders or his friends.

His hands brushed an old, tattered piece of parchment, with faded calligraphy, and an old, peeling, pressed white rose. Feeling the lump in his throat tighten, and knowing he had tears streaming down his face, Remus gently picked the paper up and unfolded the reason Harry had been born, remembering that night, and the night of James and Lily's wedding, and everything that had happened since then. James had Lily had, in a time of darkness, been a source of light, something Harry needed now.

He'd show Harry tomorrow, and give Harry a reason to be proud, to be happy, ever if it were only for a moment.

/And the reason is you /

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