Understanding

Golasgil Sindar

Rating: R
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 21/07/2004
Last Updated: 21/07/2004
Status: completed

Sometimes words are not enough. Can the Wizarding community handle the truth about what happened when Harry finally killed Tom Riddle and overcame his final curse?

Chapters

1. Truth is Hard

1. Truth is Hard

Understanding

September 19, 1997

Today Hermione turned seventeen. I asked her to come with me to Hogsmeade tomorrow; she seemed to understand I meant it differently than in years past. She loved the necklace I gave her. The one I found in my mum’s jewelry box Albus gave me at the end of sixth year. It was a small glass heart with a unicorn floating in its center the back was covered with gold. She noticed the inscription immediately and gasped when she read it. I had added something only she would understand to dad’s inscription. Now it read:

“L, Our love is this perfect. J.

H, Words fail me but you never do. H.”

She asked me to help her put it on, I did so, and then she cried while I held her for a long time.

September 20, 1997

We spent the entire day in Hogsmeade, just walking around looking into shops. We joined Ron and Ginny briefly at the Three Broom Sticks but when it started getting rowdy Hermione tugged on my sleeve, we shared a brief look and somehow I understood she wanted to go walking so we left. We walked randomly for about an hour then found ourselves standing in front of the Shrieking Shack. We shared another knowing glance, this one decidedly sad. I asked, “Yule Ball?” She nodded and smiled at me I smiled back and we continued walking.

October 31, 1997

I’m not sure if I should write this down but I promised myself I would, if only to understand my situation better. We kissed tonight, not a chaste friendly one but a full blown lets shag kinda kiss. We didn’t but we did agree we will, enough preamble here is what happened.

After the feast tonight we were patrolling as usual, tonight was one of those crystal clear cold nights that tell you winter will soon be here. There were students all over the school, in classrooms, broom closets, and even the loo’s! After we had chased about a hundred students back to their dorms and docked all four houses nearly fifty points each we finally thought we had found them all.

We were in the dungeons, near Snape’s office actually when we heard a noise, footsteps actually, from inside the wall. I whipped out my map and tried to find where that was coming from but when I found where we were there was no one in the passage behind the wall. It did tell me how to open it though and we quickly followed the passage up through the walls. It was narrow, dark, and very dirty. I lead of course, ready to hex anything that stood in our way, she was right behind me, wand aloft providing illumination, her left hand clenched in the back of my robe. The secret passage twisted and turned as it climbed steadily up through the castle.

We came to a wall, like so many of the secret passages in Hogwarts this one had a small depression in the middle. I touched it with my wand and the wall slid away to the side. Cold assaulted us, we had reached the end of the passage. A quick look around and we discovered we were on top of the great hall. I went outside onto the balcony and heard the wall slip back into place. We both turned around and discovered we were trapped. We tried to open the wall again for five minutes before I remembered to look at my map. Unfortunately it was no help, the map proclaimed this a one way door. When we investigated further we discovered we were on a small balcony overlooking the cliff that fell to the forbidden forest.

There appeared no way off of the balcony except our secret passage. Then I noticed she was shivering, we had been fine inside the castle but exposed as we now were we were dreadfully underdressed. She was looking back over the roof of the great hall trying to see somewhere we could go, I came up behind her and started rubbing the tops of both of her arms vigorously. She quickly leaned back into me for a minute then took my hand and pulled me back to the wall of the castle. When she was in the corner she turned around and pulled me into a tight hug. I quickly returned to my work of warming her, arms and back. We were out of most of the wind now but it was still bitterly cold. I smiled at her, in that smile I told her we would get out of here, not to worry, she nodded, also smiling. I understood she agreed and was not worried.

Her hands slipped under my sweater, shirt, and t-shirt to my skin. It was like she had ice for hands, I couldn’t prevent myself from shivering. She quickly withdrew her hands but I grabbed her wrists and put her hands under the front of my shirt then hugged her tightly. This time I was ready for the cold, she actually sighed into my shoulder at that point and started slowly rubbing her hands across my bare chest. Her hands warmed quickly, her mouth was beside my ear, she said, “cloak.” I was so startled I jumped back almost a foot. She giggled at me then I quickly pulled my father’s cloak from my bag. We were now too tall for it to cover both of us standing so she waited for me to sit in front of her then carefully sat in my lap looking at me with a straight face the entire time. I tried hard to stay calm and draped the cloak over both of us it cut off all the wind instantly.

The full moon was high in the night sky, somewhere Lupin was a werewolf, “Excellent idea remembering the cloak.” “Well I figured if we were going to have to spend the rest of the night up here we might as well try and be comfortable.” At this point it needs to be noted that there are some things that a seventeen year old boy can not control when there is a girl sitting in his lap. We were sitting, her legs over mine, maybe an inch separated our bodies. I realized my problem first and immediately tried to shift further away so she wouldn’t notice. She looked me straight in the eye and pulled herself closer to me, her eyes told me she understood my problem and not to worry. My cheeks were red but I swallowed my pride and nodded my acceptance. If she was alright with it who was I to complain?

We sat like that for a few minutes; I tried to control my natural reactions to her but it was no use. We were now quite warm huddled under the cloak she asked, “Is it really that bad?” I slowly let out the breath I was holding before answering, “No mostly embarrassing and a little uncomfortable.” She nodded and then in a very husky voice said, “Maybe this will help.” Then she kissed me! Neither of us have had any real experience kissing so it was very awkward at first. Then it became very heated we went at it for quite a while. Do you know you can continue kissing if you breathe through your nose? It takes practice but we practiced it a lot that night. Eventually we fell asleep and in the morning the “one-way-door” stood wide open beside us. We headed inside and resumed our morning duties.

December 12, 1997

I was sitting in my bed earlier, the boys thought I was out flying but I wasn’t. I was sitting on my bed reading, my curtains were drawn around my bed so they couldn’t see me. Dean, Seamus, Ron, and Neville got into a heated discussion about Hermione. It went something like this:

Seamus, “Hey Neville you going to ask Granger to the Yule Ball this year?”

Neville sounded rather embarrassed, “Wha? Me? No no she would never go with me. Besides she turned me down remember.”

Then Ron chimed in rather belligerently I thought, “What Seamus you think you have a chance with her?”

Seamus, “Well I thought I might give it a shot you know. She is a rather hot item you know.” I grabbed my wand at that point but refrained from doing anything just yet.

Dean spoke up, “Guys be realistic. There is only one guy in Hogwarts that has a chance at getting in those knickers and he is too blind to see it.” Now that got my attention, blind? Just whom was Dean referring to?

But Ron answered that for me before I could ask, “Harry isn’t blind. Did you see them together in Hogsmeade? The man just has a bit more on his mind than a piece of skirt. Or have you forgotten You-Know-Who?”

I was about to jump out of my bed when Neville also stood up for me, “Yeah Harry is a nice guy, we need to help him.”

That’s when I threw back my curtains and leapt out into the middle of the startled boys. Wand in hand I must have looked wild, “Thanks Ron and Neville, I most certainly am not blind Dean. Seamus if you would like to be please continue talking about my best friend as if she was a piece of meat!” They were all too stunned to say anything so I stormed out of the room and didn’t return until after midnight.

December 15, 1997

I just had this thought so I decided to preserve it. Everyone seems to wonder what I see in Hermione. The truth is I see a reflection of myself, someone who needs support and is willing to provide support to the right person. We need each other, no one else fits.

December 20, 1997

I was sneaking back from the kitchens under my invisibility cloak. I was on the stairs where they split to the girls dorm when I heard a bunch of girls laughing. I stopped and listened. I know it isn’t polite, blame it on the Dursley’s. Near as I could tell there were eight girls in Ginny’s room and they were talking about some boy. I knew Hermione had gone to bed hours ago so she wasn’t in there. I think Lavender was the one who said, “But he is just too cute for words!” Parvati added, “And mysterious, that is soo sexy!” There was quite a bit of giggling after that for some time. I was about to continue up to my dorm when I heard Ginny, “I’m sorry girls but if your name isn’t Hermione Jane Granger then forget Harry James Potter.” There was a collective sigh from the rest of the girls in the room, several of the bundles of sweet meats I had carried up from the kitchens chose that moment to slip from my arms and cascade down the stairs. Instantly the door was yanked open and Ginny stood there looking straight at me, thank Merlin for my father’s invisibility cloak. I backed away slowly and she saw the bundles of treats on the stairs, “look girls someone lost some treats.” She came out and grabbed them then hurried back into her room closing the door firmly behind her. I started breathing again and continued with my greatly reduced haul to my own room.

January 12, 1998

We made love for the first time tonight. We spent the entire time looking into one another’s eyes. Is that normal?

February 22, 1998

You know I have probably spoken more words to Ron but I don’t recall them like the looks I have shared with Hermione.

June 10, 1998

Newts are only two weeks away but those pale compared to what I saw tonight. I saw eternity in her eyes.

October 31, 2000

I proposed to her tonight, neither of us said a word. I knelt and held the ring up to her, we looked into one another’s eyes and she took the ring and put it on.

November 12, 2000

Hermione was abducted today. I know where she is so Ron and I are going there, its Tom and this will be his last day I swear it.

November 14, 2000

Hermione and I are at St. Mungo’s now. Physically we are both fine, she is far from alright though. Tom gave me one last curse to deal with, he took her mind away from me. The doctor’s are certain they can unlock it but I saw fear in their eyes. I think I am calm enough now to put down just what happened. Ron, dear Ron, and I went to get Hermione. It was a trap but we were both trained Aurors and knew it would be. Bellatrix and Ron got into a duel and before I could help they were cut off from me. I decided to go on to where she was, when I got there Tom was sitting on a throne waiting for me.

“Potter, I am ready for death, I just wanted you to know that I fixed her for you,” he laughed maniacally. Hermione stood off to the side, her hands chained behind her back, she was naked and had a blank look on her face. Tom looked at her, “Well slave, your Master is here say something?”

Hermione looked at me, there was no light in her eyes, “Master what would you like to do to me?”

The absolute horror on my face made Tom laugh harder. I was holding Godric’s sword and my wand. Suddenly I realized Tom was looking over my shoulder, I spun and thrust with Godric’s sword, it was Ron. Bellatrix had won their duel and brought him with her to gloat. Godric’s sword went straight through them both. She had been holding him against her, wand to his throat. They were both shocked, Ron dropped to his knees, and Bellatrix fell off of the sword, dead. Ron said one word before he died in my arms, “Sorry.”

I killed Tom then, I hacked him to pieces, then I exploded all of the pieces, there isn’t a shred of him in existence any more. When it was done I stood panting and then noticed Hermione. She was still standing naked at attention beside Tom’s throne. She watched me carefully and coldly asked, “Would Master like to do anything with me now?”

I went to her and shattered the chains that held her wrists together. She didn’t move or speak, I took off my robe and covered her with it. She chilled my bones when she spoke, “Master I have no need of clothes.”

“Hermione I am not your Master! I am Harry, don’t you remember?”

“I was created to please Master, let me please you Master.”

I didn’t waste anymore time I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards where Ron lay. I sheathed the damned sword and took Ron’s cold hand in mine. A moment later we were all in the lobby of St. Mungo’s. They couldn’t do anything for Ron, I knew that but I couldn’t leave him lying with Bellatrix. Hermione, I quickly discovered refused to do anything that others asked her. She would instantly do whatever I told her to though. The Minister of Magic was summoned, Arthur Weasley took Ron’s death hard I told him what happened and he stormed out. I soon found myself arrested for murder! I went quietly, I answered all their questions truthfully so when they gave me Veritaserum it all matched perfectly. The Wizengamot was convened at three in the morning to judge me. I offered no defense except what had happened, they acquitted me and released me. I went back to St. Mungo’s to check on Hermione and found they had been unable to do anything yet. She sits when I tell her to sit and she eats when I tell her to eat otherwise she does nothing but wait for me to tell her the next thing to do.

November 17, 2000

Today was Ron’s funeral, I wasn’t invited. It’s all over the papers, I killed my best friend and have my other best friend as a sex slave. They did remember to mention that I killed Tom Riddle to. They all think it’s over, not until I get Hermione back it won’t be. I won’t rest until she remembers who she is. She is now a ward of the state they tell me. She has no relatives, not since Tom killed them all at their annual reunion after sixth year. I petitioned for guardianship and custody, after all we are engaged. I went back to telling Hermione to go to the bathroom and wipe herself. At least she breathes without me telling her to!

November 20, 2000

Got my reply to my petition today Arthur said it would be over his dead body.

November 30, 2000

I refuse to leave Hermione alone again, she came looking for me yesterday when I went home and tried to get some sleep. At least I managed to convince the Director of St. Mungo’s to move us to our own suite. Maybe the half a million Galleons did the trick, I don’t care. I’ve brought Crookshanks and Hedwig here, maybe they will help her remember.

December 25, 2000

Happy Christmas, I wish it was. They tell me Tom Obliviated her back to ten years old, then he did some nasty things to her mind to make her like this. They have never seen anything so dark as what happened to her mind. I wish Albus was still around, at least he would have some advice.

November 1, 2001

It has been almost a year since it happened. I have again petitioned for custody and guardianship of my Fiancé, this time I went over Arthur’s head and appealed to the full Wizengamot. The debates rage anew, did I kill Ron to have her to myself? – Did I really kill Tom Riddle? – Will Hermione ever recover? The Medi-witches and wizards have been called to testify.

November 22, 2001

The doctors are done, there is nothing they can do for her. They could break the memory charm but that would forever turn her into a vegetable. The Medi-Witch that suggested that quickly said that nothing should be forced, Hermione had to break the charm herself or she would never recover. The thought of her raging somewhere inside her mind nearly made me scream in frustration. Tomorrow is my turn to address them, I will make my final appeal. For her sake I am following the rules but if they don’t listen this time I will take her and go into hiding somewhere.

November 23, 2001

I won! Here I clipped the article from the Prophet for reference.

Today The-Boy-Who-Lived made a tearful appeal to the Wizengamot. This reporter has never seen so many ancient Witches and Wizards reduced to tears in her long career. The center of this trial standing just behind him he spoke eloquently and at length to the assembly. He poured out his heart, it was she who first taught him the value of friendship – she who taught him responsibility and compassion for others – she who taught him how to love – they had connected on a level beyond most, sharing thoughts and feelings – he could feel her struggling to break Tom’s curse – he wanted to take her back to the flat they had shared – surround her with her history – see if he could give her the strength to do the impossible. Then he did the unthinkable, he made us all relive his memories of their adventures. The trust and love they shared over eight years was too much for most of us. They appealed to him to stop, no more could they take.

Then he made his last appeal, “I am The-Boy-Who-Lived, never have I asked the Wizarding community for anything. I have saved you all from the worst Dark Lord in memory, I ask, No I beg to be granted this one thing. I have tried to let the experts heal her, they can’t. Give me the woman I love so I can help her!”

Even that may not have been enough then someone shouted, “She’s crying!” To our astonishment a single tear was on Miss Granger’s cheek. She hadn’t moved or even changed her expression but that tear had only appeared when Mr. Potter declared his love openly and passionately.

He quickly looked into her eyes then shook his head sadly, openly crying himself he spoke quietly to her but no further response followed the first tear.

The Chief Warlock banged his gavel and everyone turned to look at him, “All in favor of granting this request?” The Aye’s were overwhelming, everyone in the chamber announced their agreement. “Any opposed?” Not a single sound was heard before the Chief’s gavel pounded again. “From this day until she is judged to recover her faculties Harry Potter is the Legal Guardian and has sole custody of Hermione Granger. Mr. Potter, once again we turn to you when all hope is lost. I hope and pray that some day soon we may all attend your wedding to this girl. Please do not hesitate to ask should you need anything further. Case Closed!”

Rita Skeeter

November 25, 2001

We are finally both home again, I try to treat her like I did before the abduction but it doesn’t seem to matter.

January 3, 2002

I found her standing in front of the bookshelves today. She seemed to be looking at them intently. I found Hogwarts: A History and asked her to sit on the couch, then I sat with her and began to read. You know I have never read that book, ever.

January 29, 2002

She seems to like it when I read to her, her eyes seem to sparkle and shine. I read to her several times a day now, I finished Hogwarts: A History and went on to Standard Book of Spells: First Year then did Second year, then back to Hogwarts: A History. I am cycling that one back in every couple of books, it seems to get the most response out of her.

October 30, 2002

She’s back! I had just closed Hogwarts: A History for the night and looked back at her, she was struggling to talk then slowly said, “Harry?” I could have jumped for joy but I didn’t want to break the mood. I replied, “Yes Hermione?” She struggled again and finally said, “Love?” It was then I knelt before her, took her left hand in mine, my mother’s engagement ring sparkled on her finger. I kissed her hand and looked deeply into her eyes, like we had so many times before. I just stared for a long time, begging, pleading, and finally commanding her to come back to me, “I LOVE YOU HERMIONE!” I spoke quietly but forcefully, emphasizing each word with my thoughts. She shuddered and the veil seemed to lift from her eyes, she collapsed into my arms immediately and started crying. She couldn’t stop saying, “I love you Harry, I love you!” We sat on the floor most of the night before I picked her up and carried her to our bed. When I woke in the morning she was looking into my eyes and I saw her for the first time in over two years.

October 31, 2002

St. Mungo’s has declared her fully functional, I will shortly be relieved of my status as her guardian.

November 3. 2002

Hermione is legally her own responsibility again. She went to see the Weasley’s today, none of them have spoken to me since Ron’s death. Ginny came back with her, she didn’t say a word at first, just crushed me into a tight hug. Then she stepped back and with tears in her eyes said, “Thank you Harry, for everything. Mum and Dad will come around eventually, I promise.” She hugged me again then turned to Hermione, “Glad to have you back with us, we need to have dinner together soon.” Hermione nodded and Ginny smiled and apparated away.

July 10, 2003

At the wedding we both spoke the two words that were required of us, “I do!” But the conversation we really shared was too complex for mere words.

September 25, 2003

I admit it, we live in our own world, remove everyone else and we would be just fine.

August 4, 2005

Lily was born today; I can’t believe how perfect she is.

October 28, 2006

James was born today; it was hard on Hermione, we almost lost her, I had to help the Medi-witches but everything is alright now.

November 13, 2006

We work together now, and I don’t mean in the same place. We are partners and assist each other in our daily work. On the few occasions when we separate it is with precise understanding of where and when we will meet again. If one of us is late the other will go find the other.

December 22, 2006

I’m sure all couples feel that their love is strong, trust me it isn’t. You see we study love every day. Ever hear of that door in the Department of Mysteries that no one can open? We can. You see it must be opened by a couple in love, with a love strong enough to overcome anything. I have it on the highest authority that until we opened that door in our seventh year it had not been opened since my parents died. Why that long you ask? Because my parents were also Unspeakables and that was their job before it was ours.

October 31, 2085

Mum and Dad are 105 this year, I know they don’t look a day over fifty but it’s the truth. Dad gave me this diary last month he wants me to publish it. James and I read through it and picked out these entries, maybe they will answer the world’s questions at last. Here are some of the more interesting entries from the Diary of Harry James Potter, Aka: The-Boy-Who-Lived-Twice. They never wanted to be very public people. I bet you won’t believe this but dad tried to turn down the Minister of Magic job when he was elected unanimously by the Wizengamot. Mum wouldn’t let him though so he accepted and the Wizarding world hasn’t been the same in the last fifty years has it? Mum never wanted to be the Headmistress of Hogwarts, but dad insisted if he had to be the Minister she had to accept that. I’m just glad my children had already graduated when she took over!

Lily Ann Longbottom