Do What You Have To Do

Mara Jade Potter

Rating: PG
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 22/07/2004
Last Updated: 22/07/2004
Status: completed

The First ficlet in the Surfacing Series. Hermione's thoughts on the night of Harry's final battle. Inspired by a Sarah McLachlan song.

Chapters

1. untitled

1. untitled

Disclaimer: Hp not mine, in any way, shape or form. Lyrics are not mine either. Please don’t sue me! Inspired by JKR’s lovely creations and Sarah’s song.

Do What You Have To Do

As we say good-bye, I’m drowning in emerald twinkling spheres, reveling inside his spirit of fire. Trapped inside his cage of bitter ache, wishing that I could pull him out of it, wishing away the monster of torment within him. He was the picture of a broken man, a soul that had seen too much in a short time. And I’m aching with every moment that we hold one another, his breath warm on my face, his heart pounding in time with mine.

“It’s fate,” he whispers. “I have to do it.”

And I want to cry and shake him and hold him until the end of eternity, until every drop of sorrow has been cleansed from his eyes, from his heart, from his life. I don’t know how to let him go. I don’t know how to let him do this, to walk alone. I want to run my fingers through his raven hair and press my lips against his, and make him feel what I feel. I want to tell him that when he’s not with me, my heart cries out for his, my dreams are filled with his face, my arms are longing for his warmth. I want to make him see that I burn for him. Hot, slow, steady flames of devotion and desire, dripping acrid gouts of wax upon my soul with each passing moment they go untamed. Scorching away pieces of me with their unnoticed fire, their unspoken thoughts.

I want to feel his body so softly against mine, expressing every emotion with caresses and kisses. I want to show him that he is my reason, my balance, my existence. His pain is my torment, his sorrows are my tears, his smiles are my laughter. He is my beginning, my end, my only one.

But I do what I have to do, because he will do what he has to do. I do what is right. I hold him close and tell him that everything will turn out okay. I tell him that he is The-Boy-Who-Lived, not The-Boy-Who-Got-Snuffed-By- The- Dark-Lord....and he laughs, a smile appearing on his tear-stained face. And then suddenly, he is fortified, like a pillar of stone. He is strong and tall and breaking away from my embrace. He is sweeping his hand down to brush hair away from my face, he is telling me good-bye, not to worry, he’ll do what he has to do, it’ll all be over soon. And then he is walking away from me, into the dark night, into the evil, into the destruction.

And I want to run after him. I want to scream out that I love him, I love him, I love him! I want to throw my arms around him, I want to devour him with my mouth, I want to hold him close and weave him into a world away, a world without wars or prophecies or dark wizards.

But I don’t unburden my soul on him that way. I know I can’t be with him, I know he doesn’t care for me that way. I watch him stop a few yards away, and turn around and smile weakly.

“I’ll come back to you, Hermione,” he promises. And then he is gone.

And I want to say that I hope he is right. I want to say that we’ll all be praying for him, to tell him that no matter what happens, he’ll always be my dearest Harry. I want to say every wonderful thing that has ever crossed my mind about him.

But I don’t. As he fades farther and farther into the endless black night, I don’t say anything.

I stand there, knowing that I’m dying with every step he takes, fearing that he won’t ever come back, that he’ll never know how I feel.

But I have the sense to recognize that I don’t know how to let him go. So I don’t say anything.

I just do what I have to do.

Author’s Notes: Fic is based on Sarah McLachlan’s song “Do What You Have To Do”, lyrics are not mine.

What ravages of spirit

Conjured this temptuous rage

Created you a monster broken by the rule of love

And fate has lead you through it

You do what you have to do

And fate has lead you through it

You do what you have to do

And I have the sense to recognize that I don’t know how to let you go

I don’t know how to let you go

Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul

I’m ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire

The yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

The yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

And I have the sense to recognize that I don’t know how to let you go

I don’t know how to let you go

A glowing ember

Burning hot and burning slow

Deeper than I’m shaking by the balance of existing for only you

I know I can’t be with you

I do what I have to do

I know I can’t be with you

I do what I have to do

And I have the sense to recognize but I don’t know how to let you go

I don’t know how to let you go