1. Bearable
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine. Very sad about it. But what can I do?
A/N: By the way, this was written very quickly during a much-needed break in packing up my apartment the other night (when I say night, I mean, early, early morning) so I hope it all flows and makes sense because I was in that happy place where my eyes were barely open!
***
I don't realize I'm running.
The rain is pounding mercilessly on my face. I don't care.
I have to get out.
Sirius is gone. Sirius is gone. Sirius is gone.
It's been the ringing chant in my head for the last two months and today, when the skies open up, I think I can wash it away.
And so I run.
I think of my stunned friends - my family - sitting around the table in the Burrow. Their faces as I move wordlessly from my seat and out the back door. They must think I'm crazy.
But I know someone will come after me. They always do.
I sink to my knees, head in my hands.
I don't hear as the footsteps rush up behind me.
And it's only when she falls to her knees in front of me that I know she's there.
And I expect her to speak, but she doesn't.
Instead she reaches forward and takes my hand.
It feels like an eternity within that moment. Finally I look up at her, not caring that she can see the red rim around my eyes.
And I notice that hers are stained too.
She's been crying for me. With me.
“Come inside.” She finally says.
“Not right now.” I have to shout a bit to be heard over the storm.
“Harry…” She's soaked through, hair clinging to her face, jumper and jeans as wet as mine and I realize she's beautiful. And that one day, I'll tell her.
“Not now.” I say firmly, knowing she will see my temper.
Our fingers are still intertwined and I loathe that the comfort will go with her when she pulls her hand away.
But she doesn't.
“He's not the only person that loves you.” She says bravely.
“I know, but he was…” I want to say all the things he was, but I don't think I understand them yet. A parent. My father's best friend. A link. They all catch in my throat and the downpour drowns out my sobs.
I reach out for her and she closes her arms around me.
When I feel her kiss the top of my head, I look up, her eyes waiting expectantly for mine.
She brushes my hair to the side, traces her fingers along the lightning bolt that marks my forehead - and my life - then gently kisses my curse.
I expect her to whisper something comforting into the air, but instead she trails another kiss down to my cheek.
It's then that she looks at me, eyes set - not asking, but telling - and kisses my mouth softly.
I pull back, surprised. And yet, I understand.
I tighten my arms around her, closing as much distance as possible and crash my lips upon hers. There's nothing soft or gentle about the way I'm kissing her now, but she is just as urgent.
“I love you.” She says it quietly into my ear when our lips break apart. “I thought I should tell you so you'd know - you'd understand - there are others besides Sirius who do.”
In the time it takes her to say it, I know it to be true for me as well, even though I've never really dwelled on it before. I want to say all the things she is, but I don't think I understand them yet. A friend. A partner. My future. They all catch in my throat. And all I can say is, “I love you,” before I kiss her again.
And it doesn't make losing him easier. Or make it go away.
But it makes everything else bearable.
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