Without All That

Without All That

By Kaori Lily Marie Otome XIV

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

I love him without a doubt.

Him and his bright green eyes. Those eyes that light up whenever I see him. Those eyes which I could lose myself to for hours.

I love his unbelievably unruly hair, which is more untamable than mine’s. A trait that’s apparently been in his family for so many years.

I love his round, simple glasses. Tape and all.

I love his lightning bolt scar, the ever-present reminder of all that he lost.

I love his dashing smile that could make me melt into a puddle of goo.

Sigh.

Though that is not the reason I fell for him. No… in fact, without all that, I’d love him still. Without all the titles.

Boy-Who-Lived. Gryffindor. Seeker. Quidditch Captain. Head Boy. The Harry Potter.

Why the? Always the Harry Potter in everyone else’s mind. Are there so many Harry Potters in this world? And is my Harry so special? Yes. He is special. But to me, he’s just Harry Potter the boy. Harry whom I love. My Harry. I love him without all those meaningless titles.

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“Hermione?” He looks at me with those eyes. Sigh. Melt.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” Never better.

“Hm-hm…”

“Is there something wrong?” No, everything’s wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

“No… nothing. Everything’s… perfect.”

He smiles and shyly kisses my cheek. Then surrounds me in warmth by wrapping his arms around me.

“Harry?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I tell you something?”

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I’ve never told him. Not aloud. But sometimes it’s all I say in my head. I love you Harry. I do. But I don’t know how to say the words. Do you love me too?

In my hearts of hearts, I know you do but sometimes I doubt. No one can be so faithful. At least not mentally. We can’t control what we think, can we? Oh course not. If we did I wouldn’t have those ridiculous reveries about us. In a broom closet. In the Head Boy/Girl office. Astronomy Tower. Potions (which quite frankly disturbs me).

It isn’t logically for you of all people to make me think all sorts of foolish things at the wrong place and time. Then again, everyone says that logic has no place in love. And that is why you make me feel like I’m going to shatter into a thousand pieces if I have to live without you. And despite how that sounds, I think it may be a good thing.

You’re brave, compassionate, loyal, and loving. You needed love out of all the things. You were deprived of it for so long. Then you suddenly, out of the blue, got love. From all sorts of places. Different kinds of love. Love of a family. The Weasleys… Sirius, even Lupin. You had brotherly love in Ron. Sisterly one from Ginny, though she thought it was more than that in the beginning. Yet you still researched for that kind of love, the soul mate kind. The one to share your life with.

You started to look in the wrong places. In beauty first, without thinking of the person themselves until you got to know them. You obviously got lucky with picking Cho. She was perfectly nice person. But she didn’t know you. And you didn’t know her. She didn’t love you. I did. I still do.

It was probably close to a miracle you finally saw me. I wish you did sooner. But I guess it was better this way. You wouldn’t be looking everywhere else and thinking why did I get stuck with this Muggleborn know-it-all? Not that you’d ever think that, I know you’re a perfectly well behaved gentleman most of the time.

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“What?” He’s looking worried. Hm… Don’t worry love…

“Um… I-I… well, I’ve been trying to get up the courage to say something.”

“Say what?” Don’t interrupt me Harry, I love you, can’t you shut up a minute so I can tell you? I don’t mean to be harsh but this is hard enough as it is.

“I… I-I love you Harry.”

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There. I said it. Oh God… And I’m not running. Or crying. Or anything. He’s just looking at me like he knew it all along.

I love you because you’re my friend.

Because you’ve saved me so many times.

Because you don’t need me to change. You accept me for what I am.

Because I need you. And you need me.

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He nods knowingly. I want to hit him. What? Aren’t you going to say you love me too?

“I know,” he says. He comes closer to my face. His lips almost touch my ear. Giggle. “I love you too. I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long but I didn’t have the courage.”

I just blink at him. He’s wanted to tell me all this time?

“Since when?” Isn’t that what everyone ask?

“I don’t know exactly. But I know when I realized it.”

“When?” Pressing on. C’mon just tell me! Stop stalling!

“Hmm... well… if you want to know… Remember when I was asking you how to tell Cho that I like her?”

“That’s the time you realized it?” … what?

“Yes. You were asking about why I liked her. I could only come up with superficial answers. I liked her for all the wrong reasons. Instead of just her. Then you told me what to tell her. I realized that I felt that way about you. And so much more.”

He smiles again. All over again: Bliss. Sigh. Melt.

“Oh Harry…”

"I'm glad you had the courage."

“Me too.”

Me too.

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I could live without all those things I mentioned. Without all that and those tender kisses. And more lovey-dovey stuff. But there’s probably one thing that I love so much about you that I couldn’t live without.

I love you with all my heart and the thing most of all that I couldn’t live without is… you love me back.

Yes, I could live without so many things. Without your eyes or your smile. But with all those things… its just….

Sigh. Melt. Bliss.

And those are the ways I love thee.

Finis.