The Reason

Starlight623

Rating: PG
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 01/08/2004
Last Updated: 28/08/2004
Status: completed

Re-uploaded after a stupid moment where I deleted the first one. Oops!! Set directly after OotP. Harry writes a letter to Hermione. Will eventually be set to different songs (The first is Hoobastank's "The Reason" and the second is "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon)

Chapters

1. The Reason

2. I Cant Fight This Feeling

3. Everything

1. The Reason

New A/N: Heh, heh. You know how it is, when you’re not paying attention and you screw something up? Well, that’s what happened to the original story. I deleted it right from Portkey even with all the warnings it gave. Been a long, LONG day. Anyway, here’s chapter one again. Chapter two is almost finished and there’s going to be a chapter 3 to wrap it all up. Sorry to those who reviewed. :-(

A/N: This little fic came to me this morning on the way to work when I heard this song. The song is “The Reason” by Hoobastank. The story is set directly after Order of the Phoenix. Harry writes a letter to Hermione.

As usual, neither the characters, nor the song belong to me. But all of the above are so great, that I had to borrow them. No money is being made from this at all.

The letter is in between the asterisks and the lyrics are in italics.

*****

Harry sat at his desk, absently petting Hedwig, trying to get a hold of the previous year. The events that took place during his fifth year just kept playing in his mind like a movie. Suddenly, Hermione popped into his head, again. He was really confused anymore. He was losing everything … but he couldn’t lose her.

Harry grabbed his quill and began to write before he lost his nerve.

*

Dear Hermione,

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

I can’t believe what an idiot I’ve been lately. It’s my fault that Sirius is dead.

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

Worst of all, I dragged you into danger and almost got you killed. Hermione, how can I make that right?

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be I’ve been such a bastard that I can’t stand myself. I was so mean to everyone, even you. Granted, I had a dark lord in my head, but that’s no excuse to be short with you. I can’t even begin to ask for your forgiveness. But know that I am going to change. I’m going to fix all of this.

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

And you’re the reason, Hermione. It’s all because of you. I can’t believe I’m actually writing this, but it’s the truth. You’re my reason for going on. I wish I had the strength to actually say this to your face, but I guess my Gryffindor courage will only go so far.

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

Everyday of my life, I’ll see your lifeless body in the Department of Mysteries. How can I ever forget that? I keep replaying it. It’s haunting me. I even keep going back to it in this stupid letter.

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

I certainly didn’t make it an easy year on you, yet you always stuck by my side. I wish more than anything that I could take it all away and make your fifth year even better than the first four, instead of the most deadly.

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear

Hermione, I have to say this. After seeing you in the Department of Mysteries, I thought my life was over. I was lost until Neville said you had a pulse. My reason for living had come back in a rush. If I ever lost you, I’d be losing myself. You are the reason, Mione. Just you.

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I’m a better person just for knowing you. And now that I know what I have to do, I have an added strength that Voldemort will never have. I have love on my side. I don’t know if I would ever be so lucky to have your love in return, but I have to tell you that I love you, Hermione. I never knew what love was until I met you. I only knew love as a baby and then it was gone. But now, love is right in front of me and it’s you.

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

I want to be an even better person and I know with you by my side, I can do that. I don’t mean to put you in an awkward position, but you need to know all of this. I need you, Mione. I know that now. It’s strange for me to feel this and to actually want to express it, but I guess that’s just what you do to me. You’ve turned my life upside down and I don’t want to make it right. Please reply to this as soon as you can. I anxiously await your reply.

*

Harry stared at the page. Just like her, it was perfect … wasn’t it?

“Well, Hedwig, what do you think? Should I send it?” he asked the snowy owl.

The owl hooted loudly and held out her foot, as if to say, “Of course send it! Get it ready and I’ll take it now!”

“Ok, ok. Hold on and let me sign it.”

He looked at the paper and quickly jotted, Love, Harry at the bottom.

“Ok, girl. Take it to Hermione. And wish me luck,” he said as he tied to note to his pet’s leg.

Hedwig took off before Harry could change his mind and left him to wait for her reply.

2. I Cant Fight This Feeling

A/N: Ok, I hate to let those who are kind enough to review down, so here’s Hermione’s reply. This is REO Speedwagon’s “I Can’t Fight This Feeling.”

Lyrics are still in italics. I don’t own the song or Harry Potter. (Though the song was the song my husband and I danced to at our wedding. Happy four months, honey!)

Also, for whatever reason, I can’t get the first three lines of Hermione’s letter to indent. Sorry!

****

Dear Harry,

I can't fight this feeling any longer.

And yet I'm still afraid to let it show.

I can’t believe that I’m actually writing this. But I can’t fight what I’m feeling anymore.

What started out as friendship,

Has grown stronger.

I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

After what happened in the Department of Mysteries, I realized that time is short and that we have to take advantage of the time we have. Please don’t think that I’m blaming you at all. But I want to tell you that I think my friendship for you has changed. I know I should tell you in person, but I guess I’m only so brave. Perhaps I should have been a Ravenclaw after all, huh? ;-)

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.

I said there is no reason for my fear.

It’s strange for me to, first, find myself not knowing what to do, and second, not being able to turn to you with my problem. You’re always who I turn to, Harry.

Cause I feel so secure when we're together.

You give my life direction,

You make everything so clear.

You make me feel safe and when I’m having any difficulty whatsoever, I know that you’ll be right there for me. But, how can I run to you telling you about the boy who holds my heart when it’s you?

And even as I wander,

I'm keeping you in sight.

You're a candle in the window,

On a cold, dark winter's night.

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.

I can only hope that this doesn’t ruin our friendship. I mean, you are my guiding force. You are the light in my life. And that’s why I have to tell you this.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

It's time to bring this ship into the shore,

And throw away the oars, forever.

It’s foolish really, to keep hiding from it all. I’m not sure why I’ve kept hiding at all. But, today it’s all over. Today I confess all to you.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

And if I have to crawl upon the floor,

Come crushing through your door,

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I think you already knew that I would do anything for you. I can only hope that our trip to the DoM has proven that for you. But it’s because of love that I do it. Not just loyalty or friendship, but love.

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.

I've been running round in circles in my mind.

And it always seems that I'm following you,

Cause you take me to the places,

That I'd known I'd never find.

It’s really no secret that my life has been turned upside down since I met you on that train, looking for Trevor (the first time of many). And since that day, I’ve been lost. Maybe I didn’t fall in love that day, but it planted the seeds. I had just met Harry Potter! But, that night you saved me from the troll, a bond was created that could never be broken. I’ve been your faithful friend since then, following you through every adventure we could have.

And even as I wander,

I'm keeping you in sight.

And no matter where I am, you’re always in my thoughts. I’ve barely read at all since I’ve been home. All I can think of is you. I’m worried about you. And I don’t want to lose you.

You're a candle in the window,

On a cold, dark winter's night.

You’re my hero, Harry. And not because you’re “the boy-who-lived” or what other nonsense the people can come up with. You’re my hero because you’re you. You are the one thing I can count on in this world.

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

It's time to bring this ship into the shore,

And throw away the oars, forever.

I hope this doesn’t make you feel awkward. I don’t even know if you have the same feelings for me. I can only hope that you do. But I refuse to keep fighting it. And you deserve to know.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

And if I have to crawl upon the floor,

Come crushing through your door,

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

Please let me know your feelings and reply to me.

Love always,

Hermione

Hermione sat her quill down and looked at her letter. Yes, it said everything she wanted to tell him. Now, she could only hope that she could have the courage to send it. Hopefully, Hedwig would be by soon and she would take it.

A few minutes later, there was a scratching at her window.

“Hedwig! I was just thinking about you!” Hermione said as she opened the window for the snowy owl.

Hedwig settled on Hermione’s bed and stuck out her leg.

“A letter from Harry? Brilliant. I need you to take something to him too. Let me read his first and see if I need to add anything.”

Hermione sat next to Harry’s pet in disbelief. He wrote her a letter confessing his feelings of love as well? How was that possible? They must have been writing the letters at almost the exact same time!

“Hedwig! Harry loves me!”

The owl hooted in reply. It seemed to Hermione that she was saying, “DUH!”

“Just a moment, Hedwig. I think I need to put something else in my letter.”

Hedwig flew to the bowl of water that Hermione had set up on her dresser for those times where the owl may need a break from her flights.

PS, Harry, as it turns out, you won the race. I wrote this letter to you before Hedwig even got to my house. Looks like we’re both feeling the same thing. I’m quite happy right now, but it makes me wonder … now what?

Please let me know.

More love,

Hermione

“Hedwig, whenever you’re rested, this is ready to go,” Hermione said, tying the note to Hedwig’s leg.

The owl hooted and took off immediately. She had to get these two together and fast!

3. Everything

A/N: Here is the last chapter of this story. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. The final song used is “Everything” by Lifehouse. The song doesn’t go to a letter, but I have recently fallen in love with this song and had to use it somewhere. The song will be for both of their feelings.

Please read and review!! Reviews are like an addiction to authors.

***

After receiving Hermione’s reply, Harry was on cloud 9. However, she was right. Where were they supposed to do now? He wanted to call her, but it would be hard to get to a phone with Uncle Vernon home.

“Hedwig, what now? Hermione and I have finally admitted our feelings and that’s wonderful, but now we’re clueless.”

The owl seemed to nod in agreement.

“Well, not completely!” Harry said.

Just then, there was a banging at his door.

“Boy! We’re taking Dudley for ice cream. Don’t expect any!” Uncle Vernon bellowed from the other side of the door. His pounding footsteps told Harry that he had left.

“Like I would have the nerve to expect something around here. Let alone taking any sugary goodness from that pig,” Harry said out loud. Then it occurred to him. With the Dursleys gone, the phone was available. And they would be gone forever with Dudley and his passion for ice cream.

He dug into his trunk (which was finally allowed to be kept in his room) for Hermione’s number.

He raced downstairs with the small scrap of paper she wrote on and stared at the phone.

It was such a good idea upstairs. What had changed?

Finally, he convinced himself that it was just Hermione and he knew that she loved him, so he should just pick up the phone.

As he did, a newfound strength came over him. However, as it began to ring, the strength disappeared and the desire to hang up took over.

Just as he began to put the receiver down, he heard, “Hello?”

So much for that plan.

“Um, yes. Could I speak with Hermione, please?” he asked, tentatively.

“Of course. Hold on for just a second.”

Harry was so glad her mother answered instead of her father. Fathers were so intimidating. Especially those of only daughters.

Suddenly, Hermione spoke, breaking Harry from his stupor. “Hello?”

He was at a loss for words. It hadn’t been that long since he had heard her voice and yet one simple word could almost bring him to his knees.

“Um, hi, Hermione. It’s Harry.”

“Harry!” she screamed. “Hi! It’s so wonderful to hear from you.”

“It’s great to hear your voice, Mione. I’ve really missed you.”

“I miss you, too.” She paused. “So, I suppose you got my letter?”

“Yeah. Hedwig wouldn’t leave me alone till she was certain I had read the entire thing,” Harry said with a small laugh.

“She’s like that,” Hermione agreed. “Still makes me wonder, though. Where do we go from here?”

“Well, I mean … I think I … what I mean to say is …”Harry stammered.

“Harry, are you trying to ask me out?”

“Yes,” he answered sheepishly.

“Of course I’ll go with you. Your birthday is coming up you know.”

“I suppose it is.”

“Would you want to go then?”

“Of course I would. It’s just going to be tough to get out of my cell. Unless I use my new powers—”

Hermione instantly cut him off. “Harry! No powers! You’ll get expelled!”

“Not those powers, Hermione. I just mean my new power over the Dursleys. What with Moody’s warning, they’re even more scared of me. All I have to do is mention that the Order would be pissed if I didn’t get to go out every now and then and boom, instant get out of jail free card.”

“Oh. Well, that’s not so bad then. Call me again and let me know, ok?”

“I will.”

Long pause.

“Hermione?”

“Yes, Harry?”

“Iloveyou,” he mumbled.

“I love you, too,” she said. “Byebye.”

“Bye, Mione.”

Harry hung up the phone with a feeling of euphoria that he never felt before. This was going to be the best birthday ever.

For the next week, Harry worked as hard as he could, hoping it would also help his cause of getting out.

Finally, the day before the big day came.

Harry carefully approached his uncle watching television.

“Uncle Vernon?”

“What is it, boy? I’m very busy!”

“Yes, I see that, but I just wanted to know if I could go out tomorrow.”

“What?! Why on earth should I let you?”

“Well, you see, tomorrow is my sixteenth birthday. That means that I’m just one year from being able to use magic without restrictions. Plus, I don’t think Mr. Moody and the rest of the Order would be too pleased to know that I couldn’t do anything to celebrate my birthday.”

Vernon huffed and stared at Harry. The gears were obviously turning. “Yes, fine. Whatever. Just don’t be late.”

“Thank you, Uncle Vernon,” Harry said and ran from the room. He didn’t want to push his luck by asking to use the phone, so he began to write a letter.

Hermione,

I’ve gotten the ok for tomorrow. Would it be possible for your parents to drive us? I know the Dursleys will never consent to taking me anywhere fun. Just let me know the time and I’ll be waiting anxiously.

Love,

Harry

(A/N: I have no idea where Hermione lives or if it’s anywhere near Harry, but for the sake of the story, let’s pretend it’s in a comfortable driving distance.)

“Hedwig, I hate to ask you to do this, but please take this to Hermione as quickly as you can and wait for her reply.”

Hedwig held out her leg and flew out the window quickly. Harry sighed. Tomorrow was his birthday and his first date with Hermione. Right then he felt as though he could conjure the best Patronus EVER.

He lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering what he did to get this lucky. At some point he fell asleep and Hedwig's rustling feathers woke him (that or the fact that she landed on his chest).

Hermione’s reply said that her mother would be happy to drive them and that they would pick him up around 6.

It was at that moment that Harry Potter knew he would defeat Voldemort. He had something the dark lord never would … Love.

The next day crawled by. The Dursleys were especially mean knowing that Harry was getting something he actually wanted. But Harry barely noticed. He was going on a date with Hermione Granger.

He picked out the best clothes he could scrounge up, considering he didn’t have a big selection. It was lucky that Sirius had given him some for his last birthday.

Once six o’clock finally arrived, Harry heard a car honking outside.

“Bye!” he called, knowing that no one would care.

He hopped into the backseat of the Grangers’ car and nervously said hello to Hermione and her mother.

“Harry, it’s so nice to see you somewhere besides the train station,” Mrs. Granger said.

“That’s true,” he replied.

“So, I’m going to drop you two off at the theater. Hermione has the cell phone and she’ll call when you’re ready to be picked up. Is that ok?”

“That’s fine. Thank you so much, Mrs. Granger.”

“You’re very welcome, Harry.” Hermione’s mother laughed to herself. Harry was so nervous. It all reminded her of her first date with Hermione’s father.

Once they were dropped off and alone, Harry had no idea what to do next.

“Hermione, I’m really sorry. This is my first date and I’m a bit lost.”

“This isn’t your first date. There was the fourth year Yule Ball and …Cho,” she added, bitterly.

“You want to consider those dates? I certainly don’t. I spent most of the Yule Ball thinking about you and Cho was a disaster from the start. Trust me, this is my first date.”

Hermione smiled. “Ok. Well, it’s my first date as well. Let’s just pick a movie and then we’ll see from there.”

Harry agreed and even let Hermione pick the movie. He was very glad that he had some Muggle money transferred from Wizarding currency and could pay for the night out.

Hermione protested, of course, but Harry insisted on being old-fashioned.

“Ok, but next time I’ll pay. I’m a modern woman you know,” she said.

Harry’s heart soared with the mention of a next time. “That’s fine. I’m a modern guy. I can let the woman pay sometimes. But for a first date, just let me do this.”

“Alright,” she agreed, quite happy that Harry didn’t flinch at the thought of a second date.

Once they bought their tickets and popcorn, they found their seats and waited for the movie to begin.

It wasn’t nearly as awkward as Harry had feared and he even got brave enough to put his arm around Hermione. She snuggled into him and Harry felt like he could have conquered an entire army of death eaters.

After the movie, Harry and Hermione took a walk in a nearby park.

Find me here,

And speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

“Hermione, I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to this tonight,” Harry said.

“Harry, I would have said yes years ago. I just couldn’t tell you till now.”

You are the light

That’s leading me

To the place

Where I find peace … again

“You’re so important to me, Mione. I meant it when I said how much I need you. You’re my everything. You give me peace when the rest of the world gives me disaster.”

“Harry, I’ve always hoped to be the one to help you. I’ll always be there for you.”

They both looked down at the same time and noticed that they were holding hands. When did that happen?

You are the strength

That keeps me walking

You are the hope

That keeps me trusting

You are the life

To my soul

You are my purpose

You’re everything

“And I’ll always be there for you as well. Funny, how real it all seems now that I’m actually saying this to your face. It almost felt like I was just writing in a diary when I wrote you that letter. Now though, I’m really telling you that you are the only reason that I keep going. You’re my strength and my hope. You’re the only thing that makes me go on.”

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this

“Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve dreamed of you saying that?” Hermione asked.

Harry shook his head.

“Since about forever. That’s why I kissed you on the platform at the end of our fourth. I’ve been feeling something since that hug in our second year. Of course, I didn’t know what it was then, but now I do. Harry, I’m so touched by what you’ve told me. I can’t imagine life being better than it is right now.”

You calm the storms

And you give me rest

You hold me in your hands

You won’t let me fall

“I can’t either. Can you believe that we’re standing here, pouring our hearts out to each other? If someone would have told me on my first day at Hogwarts that I would meet the witch of my dreams, the woman who would calm me down and hold me close, I would have said they were crazy. But I know better now. I know you’ll never let me down, Mione. You’ll always be there to catch me.”

You still my heart

And you take my breath away

Would you take me in

Take me deeper now

Hermione beamed. “You take my breath away every time I see you. You and those green eyes have been haunting me for years. I dream of those eyes. And I’ve dreamt of this moment, too.”

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this

“Hermione, I think I’ve thought of a way that this moment could be better.”

“And what’s that?” she asked.

“If you would let me kiss you.”

“Like you had to ask,” she said with a smile.

Harry’s heart flew to his throat and he smiled as well.

Cause you’re all I want

You’re all I need

You’re everything, everything

You’re all that I want

You’re all that I need

You’re everything, everything

You’re all that I want

You’re all that I need

You’re everything, everything

You’re all that I want

You’re all that I need

Everything, everything

Time stood still as they leaned into each other and their lips met. It was pure perfection. It wasn’t soaked with tears and it wasn’t awkward. It was just full of first and only love.

As it ended, Harry knew that life was never going to be the same and he couldn’t have been happier for it.

“You really are my everything,” he whispered.

“And you’re mine,” she replied.

“Does that mean that you’ll be my girlfriend?”

“I already am.”

They found a bench that was out of the way of bystanders and spent a good half an hour, snogging like the teenagers they were.

Finally, reality sunk in and Hermione realized that she had better call her mother.

Mrs. Granger came and picked them up. They reluctantly got into the car and drove from their new favorite spot in the world.

At the Dursleys, Hermione walked Harry to the door.

“Tonight was amazing,” she said.

“I know. The rest of the summer is going to be so hard. I don’t think we’ll get too many moments like this again.”

“It’s only a month. And we have Hedwig.”

“I feel bad for her already. I may have to send away for some extra owl treats,” Harry said with a smile that made Hermione melt.

“Well, you should get inside. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

“I’m always in trouble. What’s a little more?”

“Harry, please. I’d feel terrible if you got punished because of me.”

“Ok, ok. Do you think it’s ok if I’d kiss you goodbye with your mum right there?” he asked.

“Quickly. Nothing like in the park,” Hermione replied with a deep blush.

“I’ll leave those for the Room of Requirement,” Harry said, waggling his eyebrows.

“Hey now, Potter. Don’t get too cocky.”

“Fair enough.” He leaned down and gave Hermione a sweet kiss on the lips. “Good night, my love.”

“Good night, my love. And happy birthday.”

“The best,” he whispered as she walked away.

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this