You Once Promised

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JKR, not I or anyone else (as saddening as it is).

AN: Wow. I haven't written anything in -years-. I bet I'm a bit rusty but my imagination just wanted to be out and running so I let it go. I know this chapter is awfully short but I wanted to set the time and place of things so I hope I don't lose you guys already! Like I said in the summary, this story is through Hermione's POV, so I guess you can all guess who's who and all that...=) Enjoy and reviews are read and loved!

A sterling silver spoon twirled rhythmically by itself in a mug of steaming black coffee, the powder blue curtains flapping loudly as the spring breeze blew gently in, all the while with a resounding muffled shriek coming from the other end of the room. I glanced up from my copy of the Morning Sun, taking a calm sip of my coffee as the spoon obediently stopped stirring once my lips came in contact with the mug. Ouch. Hot . I jerked away from the mug and glared down at the dark liquid, trying my best to ignore the burning sensation on my tongue.

The shrieking didn't stop and it was Monday morning. I wasn't in the very best mood either and I couldn't help but push back the wooden chair I had perched myself on and storm down the hallway rather purposefully. Stopping abruptly in front of a closed door, I placed my hands on my hips and begged my patience to last. "Penelope, please," I began with a strained voice. That was definitely my Monday morning voice.

No answer. I bit my lip before raising my hand to knock but the door swung open to reveal a young woman of seventeen clad in baggy gray sweats and a tiny green tank top that clashed with her long mousy hair. She looked like a bloated fish with her puffed out cheeks and the dark mascara running down her cheeks in black rivers did not shed light to her current appearance.

"Come to tell me to shut up again?" Was her snappy replacement of 'good morning'.

I tilted my head almost politely. Almost. "Yes," I replied shortly. "And please do."

She sighed dramatically, the blaring music still drumming on my sensitive ears, but of course Penelope here did not seem the least bit affected by the horrendous noise known as 'metal'. "It's not like I don't want to," she said in exasperation. "I mean look at me!" She roughly ran a hand across her cheeks, smearing the already running mascara across her face. She groaned and I felt my impatience melt. This girl was after all, only seventeen, and my roommate since last summer when she moved to New York from Canada to continue her studies. She really was a sweet girl when she wasn't in the state that she was in now. She didn't have to explain to me what on earth was wrong. I could read her like a book and reading was my specialty.

"It's just that," she sniffled and retreated into her room, "he was so awfully nice! And...and real you know? Wasn't acting like anything he wasn't...but then he was because he was a frickin' jerk!" Her sob turned into another shriek as she jumped onto her unmade bed and landed face first into her pillow. I flinched, knowing that it was my turn to do the laundry today and I would be working the sponge and soap hard at trying to get all that black guck off her pillowcase. I sighed and took a careful route towards her bed, avoiding the hazards of CD cases dotting the floor and scrunched up balls of paper with her noticeable scrawl on them.

"Penny, he really isn't worth your tears," I insisted, feeling like an answering machine as this was probably the tenth time I had fed her this line. I sat down on the edge of her mattress while giving her a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. She sat up slowly, crossing her legs and leaning her forehead against my shoulder as she did so. I decided not to mind that her tears were running freely down my t-shirt and arm. This girl was going through some emotional trauma. Feelings that I hadn't got to feel for a long time.

"Hope, you're always the one comforting me," she shifted herself into another position before groaning. "Oh, your blouse! I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay. I was thinking this blouse was a bit too old for work anyway," I lied and Penny simply looked apologetic before grabbing some tissue from her nightstand.

"You're like a big sister to me," she laughed hollowly while she blew her nose. "I really would be an utter mess without you."

"Hey, we live in the same apartment. I wouldn't want a flood in here," I replied lightly and she finally gave me a smile. I guess I played the role of big sister quite well, even though I never had any siblings. "Come on, I'll make you breakfast before I head off to the Dome."

She nodded with much more enthusiasm than before, making me smile ever so slightly. I didn't notice Penelope's clear eyes fixing themselves carefully on me, but when I made the move to get up from her mattress, she gently grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. I turned to look at her questioningly and she simply looked back at me with equal curiousity.

"You know Hope, you can smile you know."

"Pardon?" I blinked back at her in surprise. I wasn't expecting her to say something quite out of the blue as that.

She shrugged and finally shifted her gaze to her toes which were painted a bright ruby red. Wiggling them ever so slightly, she continued, "You just always seem so...distant and uptight about things. I rarely see you smile or just take a holiday off work, and when you almost seem like you're going to crack a smile, you hold back," she paused and turned to look at me steadily again. I felt like she was trying to look into me and it made me feel vulnerable. I quickly looked away, but not before she repeated, "You can smile. It's not a sin or something."

I laughed and she held up a hand in front of me. "See, you always laugh like that. It doesn't even sound like a laugh," she insisted. "Where's the emotion in it? Come on Hope, I know you're human."

Something in my head told me that I had to get out of this room fast and my feet instantly sprang up. I ran a hand through my straight blonde hair and shifted my silver-rimmed glasses off the bridge of my nose. "Right, after you get yourself cleaned up breakfast will be on the table. I'll see you around," was my brief good-bye and I quickly darted from the room as fast as a Firebolt.

I heard one loud distant shriek coming from Penelope's room when I stepped foot into the kitchen. I knew she hated it when I ran from her, especially when she tried to pry into my thoughts and everything that ran inside my head. I knew she wanted to know me. Really know me . But I couldn't -and- wouldn't let anyone in. I knew what would happen if I would. When you let trust and friendship and all that crap mingle into one.

It just didn't work and you'd end up going through hell.

"Have you ever fallen in love?"

I jumped slightly when Penny poked her head into the kitchen, her face washed and free of black blotches. I was currently putting a mug away and I stopped short in doing so when her question finally sunk in. I felt her bare feet pad across the tiled floor towards me and stop abruptly beside me. She propped her elbows on the counter and turned towards me. "Well?"

"Well what?" I mumbled quickly and moved off towards the fridge to pull out two eggs.

"Have you? You know, fallen in love...felt love? That feeling that makes you feel as if you're walking on clouds and falling through them and flying up to walk on them all over again?" She waved her arms around for emphasis and I couldn't help but snort. She frowned. "I'm serious! You're twenty-one and I won't believe you if you tell me you've never fallen in love before!"

I cracked an egg rather forcefully, the yolk breaking as it landed in the pan. "Love? Maybe. Maybe I have fallen in love before, maybe I've felt it before. So what?"

"So what? So tell me about it!" Penny said with a roll of her eyes. "You know all about my messed up love life and I don't know anything about your's. Don't you see something wrong with that?"

"Not at all," I relied shortly and cracked the second egg more elegantly this time.

"Hope! Peh-leeese," she whined.

I sighed. When Penelope started whining there would be no end to it until she got what she wanted. She was very much like the annoying little sister, except you would think she would be less annoying as she was quite old to have a child's tantrum. "Okay. Yes, I've fallen in love before. But honestly Penny, do you really think the word forever has anything to do with love?"

"...Um, yeah?" Penny looked at me as if I had grown another head. "Have you not read any sappy romance novels in your life? Or watched some romantic happily-ever-after movie?"

"Yeah. I didn't like Cinderella. The singing rats spooked me out."

"No! Well, kinda that, but I mean...you know--," she waved her hand a bit. "Forever always comes with the word love! Well, when you find the right one that is...you know, soul mate and all. I guess I haven't yet, but when I do, I know it'll be a forever kind of thing." She glanced at me as if expecting me to agree with a huge nod.

I simply poked the eggs and absentmindedly let go of the pan-handle to wipe off the oil that had gotten on my fingers. How utterly innocent Penelope still was. She honestly believed in fairy-tale love. She honestly believed in finding that perfect person out there that would be the almighty one. And once you did that, boom! You'd be in love like there was no tomorrow and it would never, ever fade into nothingness.

I heard the distant sizzling of oil on the pan but my feet didn't carry me back towards it. I couldn't stop thinking. Thinking about how absurd the concept of 'loving someone forever' was. Sure, you'd think you'd love forever when you found that person that made your insides squeeze in that wonderful way. You'd promise to live together happily and have a bunch of children and name them after your great grandparents.

But I once promised him that I would never leave him. I once promised him that I would be the one to make him breakfast every morning. I would be the one that gave him cuddles and kisses when he felt the least bit unloved. I would be the one by his side beyond our present lives. A year, a decade, a century-- time would not pull us apart. This he promised me. And this I promised in return.

And yet, I left him.

"Hope!" a persistent hiss woke me out of my reverie. "The eggs are getting really..."

Eggs? I instantly jumped back towards the pan and groaned. The yolk was utterly rock hard along with the egg white. I picked up the pan and dumped the contents into the garbage and made my way towards the fridge again but Penny stopped me. She looked at me worriedly. "You really seemed gone then. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," was my instant reply. "Sorry about breakfast. I'll quickly fry another one--"

"No, you don't have to. You're going to be late for work and I can just go grab something later," she trailed off and looked at me uncertainly. "You were thinking about him weren't you?"

"Him? What him? There's no him," I answered, rather flustered that I had so stupidly been caught in such deep thought. By persistent Penelope no less.

"Right," Penelope nodded slowly, looking awfully unconvinced. "If you feel like talking--"

She was interrupted by a brief scream from outside our door and an occasional banging. Both of us immediately crept towards our front door, wondering if it could be a burglar in action during bright morning...in an apartment building too. The thought seemed odd enough but we didn't let our guard drop. Penny reached out a tentative hand to turn the knob and I felt my right hand instinctively find its way towards the pockets of my jeans. But they were empty.

The knob turned, and Penelope swung the door open quickly.

We ducked almost instantly when a ball of some sort hurled into our apartment, our neighbour Mrs. Beaton sprawled in front of her door with her hair in disarray. She pointed numbly at the flying object and cried, "I thought we weren't allowed pets in this building! This is absolutely insane! A bird of all things!"

Penelope nodded and tried to open the door a bit wider, tempting the flying ball of fur to leave...but I found myself gently closing the door behind me, much to Penelope's confusion. The door clicked shut.

"Hope! We have a bird in our home. It's flying all over the place and you want to leave it in here?!"

I shook my head, a part of me wondering if I was still asleep in my room or maybe still at work editing some article for my boss. Maybe I had just fallen asleep and everything really wasn't happening. I mean, I was in the middle of the U.S.A., living an absolutely normal life with a nice teenage roommate and we got along quite well. Yes, I wasn't quite the happiest person alive but I managed.

But when this flying fur ball entered my sight, my heart had leapt up to my throat. A million possibilities were running through my head in quick pace. I was so lost in worry and thought that I finally snapped out of it when Penny tugged on me, something grasp tightly in her hand.

"Hope, look," she whispered excitedly. "That bird, -no-, it's an owl...it had this clutched to its leg. And look, it's like one of those olden day messenger birds like in the movies..."

I barely heard her awed voice. I barely heard anything. My eyes were fixed upon the creamy envelope clutched in Penelope's hand and the familiar neat printing on the front bearing one name that I thought I would not see ever again.

"But this bird isn't that smart is it?" Penny chuckled. "Delivered to the wrong place alright. Never heard of a H-e-r-m-i-o-n-e Granger before...that's one odd name too. How do you even pronounce it? Her...her...meh..."

I didn't stay to see if Penny could finally pronounce the name or not. Instead, I quickly snatched the envelope from her and ran.

AN: Thank you so much for the reviews! They make me...happy. Mmm hmm. Anyhoo, yes it's quite confusing at the moment because everyone's basically asking "Ahhh why is she Hope?!" and "Ahhh why did she leave?!". But yes, your questions should be answered with each coming chapter. I'm trying to update ASAP before school starts again on my side of the world. Hope some of your answers will be answered in Ch.2 and enjoy =) Oh right, and I'm having trouble changing the font size as it is quite small at the moment...ack!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JKR, not I or anyone else (as saddening as it is).

Trying to be someone that you know you're not
It gets harder everyday
All the lonely days
There's no one left to love
You wish life would go away
--Harder Everyday, Ashlee Simpson


Right foot forward. Left foot forward. Right foot. Left foot. Right. Left. Right. Left. I could get use to my new ability of rapid speed walking. It made you look somewhat in a normal state even if your mind was a panicked blur. I felt like a chicken in high heels when I exited the building, vanilla envelope still clutched in shaking hands. There was just one blaring question in my mind, looming over all sensible thoughts within me.

Who knew?

Red light. I stopped at the corner, nervously looking over my shoulder. No funny looking people were creeping up to me in magenta robes or top hats. No familiar swishing sounds of robes-- nor was there a wooden stick being stuck in my face. I finally allowed myself to breathe. My senses slowly came back to me and I realized I had left poor Penelope to deal with Pig. A pang jolted me when the energetic fur ball entered my thoughts. After all these years...but then again, I knew I would not forget. I would never forget anything. And I didn't know if that was a curse or not.

Green light. I crossed the street, wondering why I wasn't hailing a cab. My mind knew the daily routine like the back of my hand so I slowly raised my arm to wave, but my feet decided that I should head inside the nearest cafe. You're already late for work , a little voice nagged impatiently at me but oddly, I chose to ignore the helpful little sound and perched myself on a stool in the corner of Oasis -- great place for drinks with harder to pronounce names than Hermione.

I rubbed my bare arms, feeling a chill run down my spine. A blotch of black on my shoulder reminded me that I was still wearing the T-shirt that Penny had used as scented tissue. Sighing, I finally willed my eyes to look at the utterly innocent envelope in my hands. Why was I so scared? Ha, that was a pointless question. Of course I was scared. For my information, there was no Hermione Granger alive on the face of earth. Seeing this name was like staring at a corpse long dead; rotting, fading, gone.

And yet seeing this name written down again...it seemed very much alive.

"Miss?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was being insanely paranoid, that I knew, but who could blame me? The young waitress with a name tag that read Melissa looked just as startled as me, but regained her composure quickly and repeated, "What would you like to order?"

"Um, well, I'm still thinking," I lied and focused my attention back towards the envelope. The girl nodded rather sourly. She probably knew I was not going to be ordering anything anytime soon.

When she had left to wipe the counter tops (mind you they were already glistening clean), I found myself tearing the envelope open. Shakily, I unfolded the piece of parchment, my curiousity unbearable and yet my fright peeking with every second of delay. It was as if reading this letter would bring this Hermione Granger back to life again. As if someone by this name actually existed. This thought scared me to the bone.

I closed my eyes briefly and took a breath. Flashing my eyes open abruptly, a simple line glared back at me.

"I know. Please come back. I can help you.-- G.W."

I sank lower into my seat-- if that were possible with a stool. So this was what caused all my senses to run haywire just moments ago? A couple words that seemed so empty and meaningless yet gut-wrenching too? I felt frustrated with myself. And angry. Furious was a better way to put the emotions playing through my head.

"Please come back."

I laughed and ripped the letter in half. Come back my arse. Weren't you part of the little groupie that pushed me away? Weren't you one of them? Weren't you a believer that I was oh-so-evil and had to be killed on the spot if seen? Come back? Come back to what? My enemies? My death? My darkest miseries?

"I can help you."

To kill myself? To drown all over again? I wasn't going to make the same mistakes twice. I wasn't going to put the word trust into anything ever again. Trust. My brow knitted and I ripped the letter into tiny pieces. My head was pounding. You didn't know. You couldn't help me. And I would not come back if my life depended on it.

Even if I once thought of you as a sister, Ginny Weasley.

The familiar shape of the Dome came into view. I glanced at my wristwatch and inwardly cursed. My wonderful and understanding boss would most likely greet me with her most pleasant look (that could still make you shrivel up into a shaking ball of fear) for being two hours late. I entered the glass building, shaped appropriately in a dome-shape, via the automatic glass doors and looked fretfully at the receptionist's desk. The familiar face of Kristen stared back at me with sympathy. She leaned across her spotless marble desk and whispered, "She's in an OK mood."

I swallowed hard and headed off towards the elevators, but not before thanking Kristen for her little warning. Andrea Green was a woman who wanted her orders listened to and done with perfection. She didn't listen to excuses and thought all human beings were her clones; cold, emotionless and robotic. For our lovely Ms. Green to be in an "OK" mood probably meant that she had gotten her daily cup of decaf house blend from the nearest Starbucks (and that wasn't very far away). Of course, that meant she would be off our backs for an hour and only an hour.

And I was two hours late. Do the math.

Second floor. Third floor. Four...five...six...a resounding 'ding' marked my arrival on the seventh floor. The elevator doors slid open and I was met with the cool hazel eyes of Ms. Andrea Green. Usually warning bells should've gone off if Andrea Green was on your floor of the building and not in her office on the tenth floor. But I was already emotionally drained and my heart oddly remained calm at the sigh of pursed red lips and glaring eyes.

"Hope-h," she nearly spat out the 'p', "you're late."

I took a breath. "I know and I'm really--"

"Now I wouldn't want you to waste anymore time chit-chatting with me. My time is precious," she cut in briskly and tapped my desk with one long manicured nail. "I want these ready for me by tonight and no later than that." And with a few clicks of her heels, she had walked past me and into the elevators.

I let out a breath. That went better then expected. Normally her voice would have risen two octaves or so, which made it sound like you were listening to someone run their nails over the chalkboard repeatedly.

"You've got to thank Penelope for that," a voice interrupted. A very recognizable voice, belonging to Chrissa with-a-funky-last-name. She also worked on the seventh floor and was senior editor of the fashion department of Urban Fusion. Yes, that was the all glam and hip magazine I worked for. If you wanted to know the latest way to make something as simple as pancakes, check out Urban Fusion's recipe corner. Or maybe there's this really new way to tie your shoelace-- the in way. You'd probably find that somewhere in U.F. too.

"Penny? What does she have to do with this?" I asked with confusion while taking a seat at my desk.

Chrissa stared at me as if it were the most obvious question I could ask. "Well, she did call into the office a while ago to say that you were going to be late. Dentist appointment or something?"

I silently thanked Penny in my mind and made a mental note to myself to bring her a late-night snack. "Yes...yes, no cavities!" I plastered a fake grin on my face.

"...I see," said Chrissa and she silently went back to work again.

I sighed and stared at my own pile of articles to edit. Currently I was picking up an article on scented cell phones. I almost rolled my eyes but decided that I should be use to the brainless articles that passed through my fingers from the tech writers. Yes, I was editor of the technology section of U.F. and I handled it alone because no one seemed eager to spend the day reading about "the tiniest mobile phone ever" that was just so utterly convenient because you could hardly get it lost anywhere. Oh right, and don't forget the ever-so new digital camera with even more functions to confuse those already non-high-tech illiterate people out there.

Like me.

I preferred things the old fashioned way. A nice camera with film and a phone that was the size of my hand was just fine with me.

"You really should do something with your hair," Chrissa piped up and held up a picture of a blonde with a short bob-cut. I stared and glanced down at my own stick straight blonde mass and shrugged.

"I like my hair like this."

"Ah, but it's much too simple. Almost bland, not that I'm hinting anything," she quickly added and glanced down at the picture once more. "It really would look good on you. It'd frame your petite face--"

"Mmm hmm..."

"Oh no, I think this would do lovely on you too!" she tossed aside a couple more pictures and held up one of a model with really bushy blonde hair. I knew I was being paranoid but I had a sudden thought that maybe Chrissa here was not just a simple fashion magazine editor. For all I knew, she could be...could be Ginny with the effects of polyjuice potion! That made me squint at Chrissa, seeing if I could catch the slightest glimpse of that familiar fiery red hair.

"Do I have something in my hair?" Chrissa asked abruptly. "If I don't, I was talking about your hairdo, not mine."

"No! No...I was just noticing how you don't have any split-ends whatsoever!" I nearly snorted at my brainless words but Chrissa ate them right up and seemed rather proud of her brunette locks. "Besides, I've had enough of bushy hair," I added under my breath and thankfully Chrissa had shifted her attention to Michael, one of Andrea's secretaries. To put it simply, Chrissa had her eye set on Michael ever since the day he walked into the office two months after Chrissa herself.

"Lunch...lunch...lunch..."

I looked up from the cell phone article again to stare at Chrissa, worrying for her sanity. "Did you not eat breakfast? You could run down and grab something. I'll cover for you if Andrea comes down."

"What? Oh, no, no it's alright," Chrissa muttered, her cheeks turning a slight rose colour. "Hey look at the time! Lunch break!" She announced this rather loudly, causing most of the seventh floor workers to look up from their current position of bent backs and necks. Chrissa smiled sheepishly before hopping up from her seat and literally skipping towards Michael's desk.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, turning my attention back to work. Everyday, Chrissa would perk up when lunch rolled by since she had made sure that Michael and her had this little ritual of eating lunch together at the nearby coffeehouse. And there they go, I thought as they headed off to the elevators and disappeared seconds later.

I groaned inwardly, leaning back on my chair to stare blankly at the dull yellow ceiling. It was going to be a long day of reading over articles and going up and down the floors to make sure everyone had submitted everything they needed to. I didn't hate this job, I really didn't, but when I had too much time to think, my mind would wander. Wander to the endless possibilities...

That I once had.

Never in my life would I have seen myself sitting in a cooped up office in New York, far, far, far away from where I belonged. Oceans, towns, and cities that separated me from that place I once called home...and I suddenly felt alone again. And I hated that feeling. I could stand on the busiest street in broad daylight and the breeze would still blow by me as if I had nothing. Nothing to protect me from the harsh winds that blew and the cold that ate at you. I had nothing. Nothing at all.

Nothing at all in this world worth living for.

So why was I still living?

10:30 PM. I had dropped by the grocery store to pick up some extra fudge chocolate ice cream just for Penny to pamper her taste buds with. I really did owe her one. Or two. One for calling in at the Dome for me and two for putting up with Pig. Pig! The sudden image of an apartment room completely and utterly destroyed flashed into my mind. I quickened my pace down the hallway and towards room 415.

Hearing no cries for help or disastrous crashing, I assumed that Penny had everything somewhat under control. With one hand holding onto the groceries and another digging into my handbag for my keys, I nearly dropped everything when the door flung open in my face, a sudden blast of wind making my eyes widen in surprise. Penny stood there, sweat on her brow and a couple scratches on her bare arms. I gasped and quickly entered our home, dropping the ice cream by a nearby table.

"Penny! Did Pig do that to you?"

"Pig? What pig?" Penny asked in confusion and I slapped myself mentally for my slipup. "And no, I didn't get these scratches from a pig, nor did I have the time to go spend the day with pigs. In fact, I spent the whole day trying to catch that thing," she pointed a shaking finger at the still energetic owl zooming from corner to corner, nearly crashing into the television but swerving towards the left just in time to hit the fireplace.

I looked at her apologetically. "I'm so sorry I had to leave you here with Pi...that owl! Here, I'll handle everything and you can go pig out on ice cream okay?"

"Ice cream?" Her eyes brightened at the word and she immediately looked behind me at the discarded grocery bag. "Oooh, thanks Hope!"

"No, thank you ," I sighed while kicking off my worn runners. "Andrea would have killed me if I had shown up late without some sort of a warning. She hates people showing up on her unexpectedly or not showing up without giving her a forewarning."

"Well, yeah, I kind of sensed that you would be late," said Penelope as she grabbed the bag and hopped into the kitchen. I heard the clang of cutlery and the rustling of the plastic bag before she appeared again with a spoon in her mouth as she opened the carton of ice cream.

I jumped onto the couch, watching as Pig perched himself on the bookcase which blew up a cloud of dust as he landed. I had to marvel at the fact that I had allowed the bookcase to have gotten so dusty, but when you were trying to make a living in New York you just didn't have that much time for recreational reading. I pushed that thought out the side of my head and jumped towards the bookcase, but of course Pig must have known what I was trying to do and immediately took off again.

"It's a good workout I have to say," Penny commented. "I must've lost five pounds from chasing that thing."

"Well I just want it out of here," I puffed and watched as Pig hovered towards my bedroom door. I groaned and quickly ran towards my room, keeping a careful eye on Pig as he flew in through the slightly open door. I followed and gently closed the door behind me before turning to face the darn owl one on one.

"Okay, Pig come down--"

I stopped in mid-sentence when someone, a young woman, looked up from her sitting position on the edge of my bed. I felt my heart skip a beat and something in my gut jump into my throat. It was getting harder and harder to breathe and I had to grab onto the doorknob to steady myself.

The girl must have thought I was going to make a run for it as she quickly jumped up from her seat and shook her head. "I'm not here to steal anything or do anything," she quickly started in a whisper.

My hand slipped from the doorknob with my already sweaty fingers. I tried to compose myself, staring at the young woman in front of me, my mind screaming to run but my feet refusing to listen. I wanted to believe that I didn't know this person. That a complete and utter stranger had just decided to sit in my room with an owl whirring above our heads. But sometimes, just wanting to believe didn't work.

"I'm here to look for somebody actually," she continued quietly. "I know this is kind of weird, showing up in your room just like this and I know you must be itching to go call the...the pole-c's or whatever you call them, but I beg you to just give me a few minutes to explain myself."

My eyes darted fearfully towards my full-length mirror at the side of my room. I felt a bit relieved that my glasses were still intact and my eyes were still a clear blue and that everything was still in place, but nothing could stop the hammering in my chest nor the sudden coldness I was feeling.

"I'm looking for an old friend," she whispered and paused, taking something out of her pocket which looked very much like...a wand. She muttered something under her breath before pocketing her wand once more. She smiled slightly and continued in a normal voice, "like I was saying, my old friend supposedly lives here. At least, according to the tracking device on Pig here."

At the sound of his name, Pig landed gently on the girl's shoulder and nipped at her ear affectionately. She patted him on the head before gently holding up his left wing to unattach a tiny silver object. I wanted to hit my forehead at how careless I had been, but I didn't want to act like a complete lunatic. At least not yet.

The girl fingered the object carefully before tucking it away into her pocket again. She looked me in the eye, her voice soothing and gentle, "I'm looking for a Hermione Granger."

It was definitely getting hard to breathe in here. Pig made some sort of a clucking noise and I could almost feel all the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. The girl before me slowly tucked a strand of her flaming red hair behind her ear before continuing in that gentle calm voice of hers.

"And if I'm not wrong...you're very much the person I'm looking for."



AN: Yes, I know, where's the H/Hr?? Haha, well it'll come when the story keeps on rolling...and when Harry actually gets his bum into the story =P I can't really say when that'll happen but it'll be A-SAP!

AN: Once again, thank you for the continuous support! School's rolling around the corner and I'm scrambling to finish all my summer assignments. Grrr. Well, as a reader asked if this story was complete or not-- it is not. I'm writing it as I go and I'm rather frightful of that dreaded writer's block that always hits me now and then. I'm rather scared about this chapter. It sheds light in a lot of dusty corners and well, that's all I'll say. Enjoy :)

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JKR

I stand alone in the storm
Suddenly sweet words take hold
Hurry they stay for you haven't much time
Open your eyes to the love around you
You may feel you're alone
But I'm here still with you
You can do what you dream
Just remember to listen to the rain
--Listen to the Rain, Evanesence



Run. I spun on my heels and flung my hand towards the door, grasping the knob tightly with my snow white knuckles and giving it a harsh turn. It was stuck. It was never stuck. I rattled the door a couple more times, refusing to give up, refusing to believe that I was stuck in the situation that I was in. Damn it, open! I mentally screamed and felt my shoulders sag. If only I had my wand with me. I could get myself out and away. Far away.

From Ginny Weasley.

"Hermione," she called out steadily, making me freeze in my position of utter disarray. "Don't run from me...I'm Ginny, remember me?"

My eyes darkened as I found myself turning around to face her. She had called me Hermione. It hurt to hear that name being associated to me. It felt like someone was digging a knife into my chest and turning it over and over again. Time had matured Ginny Weasley. I could feel it. Her features were the same, but different in the slightest ways. Her eyes were duller, her eyes tired, but she was still Ginny. She resembled Molly Weasley even more so, now that she was a mature and grown woman. My heart stirred but I stopped myself before I could dwell into past emotions again.

"Remember you? Of course I remember you, Ginny," I tried, I really tried to keep a steady tone. But my voice trembled like a feeble autumn leaf clinging onto dear life and I couldn't stop it. "Ginny Weasley, my best girlfriend right? Ginny, the Ginny that use to tell me about her childhood crushes? Ginny, the Ginny that abandoned me just like the rest of them," I laughed loudly but I didn't care. She had placed a silencing charm around the room anyway.

Ginny's expression did not change. Her lips were in a thin line, her blue eyes observant. She sucked in a slow breath and suddenly bowed her head.

"I'm sorry."

Sorry? I felt the urge to break something. Anything. I resorted to shaking my head and trying to see through blurred vision. Why was my vision blurry? I didn't know. I just kept on shaking my head. "That doesn't fix things," I said in a voice so alien to my own ears. "It doesn't do a damn thing!" I screamed hoarsely and slowly sank down to my knees. I ran a hand through my hair, briefly brushing my damp cheeks. Damp cheeks? I cringed. Was I crying?

"I know, I know," Ginny answered desperately, her own voice breaking. "But it's been haunting me for years, Hermione. You're not the only one lost, you're not the only one."

"I wouldn't be lost if people like you didn't exist," I spat. "Besides, I'm not lost anymore. I'm fine. Fine here," I wiped my eyes roughly and stared around my room defiantly. "This is my home now. This is my life now. Please," I muttered, "don't take this one away from me too."

Ginny made some sort of a noise, a sniffle. I glanced at her to see round droplets of tears rolling down her own pale skin. I didn't want to feel the way I did, the weakness that coursed through my veins. But it was so sudden. I thought everything would be fine. That I would be able to deal with everything now, after all it had been four years. I thought that if any one of them would appear in my life again, I could handle it. I could take them on.

But I couldn't.

It still hurt. Everything was still as fresh as morning's dew.

"Oh Hermione," she whispered and slowly approached me. Knowing it was futile to get up and attempt opening the jammed door again, I simply stayed in my position on the carpeted floor and felt Ginny crouch down beside me. "I'm not here to take anything away. I'm here to give you back everything you've lost--"

"By sending me to Azkaban?" I smirked. "Wow, how many galleons will you get for this? 1000? 2000? A million? Oh it'll be headlines by tomorrow won't it? 'Death Eater Hermione Granger caught after four year absence!' That looks like good news for the wizarding world doesn't it? Another baddy caught and thrown in with the Dementors to suck away all their happy little thoughts..."

"Hermione! Listen to me," she whispered fiercely and placed a hand on mine. I shivered at the contact, my eyes darting towards Ginny's tear-streaked face. "I know the truth Hermione. I know . I knew you got my letter but I knew you would rip it up into pieces so I left a charm on it beforehand. I was hoping you could accept my words before deciding to kick me out of your life. Please, just give me five minutes."

The sincerity in her eyes appalled me. But it could be an act. Just like before. But something in me reached out for this younger woman before me. Something in me hoped. Hoped for the slightest bit of light to shine through my dimly lighted life. I knew hope was something I shouldn't dwell on, just like trust and friendship and love. But I still felt it, and I found myself mumbling, "I've already given you more than that, haven't I?"

I heard her sigh, whether it was in relief or exasperation, but she gently squeezed my hand which I immediately pulled away. I glanced up at her blankly. "Well? You've only got five minutes."

"Can we talk somewhere else?" She looked around my crammed but tidy room and smiled softly. "I was rather surprised when I popped in and the floor wasn't littered with thick leather-bound books."

I stood up slowly and shrugged. "I'm sure you're not here for small talk."

Ginny's smile faltered as she stuffed her hands into her black robes. "Well, why don't we just apparate outside..."

"I haven't done that in years," I murmured. "I might splinch myself."

"Oh," Ginny paled slightly and her eyes watered. "It shouldn't have been like this."

"You think I don't agree?" I laughed bitterly and nodded towards the door. "Fix this first and I'll meet you outside the building. I better tell Penny that I'm going to go pick something up."

"...Penny?"

"My roommate," I answered and watched as Ginny nodded and pulled out her wand, muttering something before the door clicked open. Seconds later she had disappeared from the room with the littlest sound. I had to marvel at the fact that Ginny had become quite adequate in apparating, making my heart suddenly yearn for the world of magic all over again.

Shaking my head, I decided to get this over with before I clearly lost my mind. I quickly pinched myself before exiting my room, wincing in pain and realizing I was not back in bed and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. This was no nightmare and I wasn't going to run away. I couldn't run away. I grabbed my keys and saw that Penny was lounging on the couch flipping the channels with the ice cream carton still hugged to her chest. I smiled to myself and called out to her, "I'm just going to go out for a few minutes okay?"

"Oh, sure. Where's the owl?" She asked, looking over her shoulder.

"Oh, out the window," I lied and slipped into my shoes. Without another word I had slipped out the door and entered the elevator.

I pinched myself once more. Ouch. I was awake. I sighed and rubbed my suddenly cold hands together just as the elevator arrived at the lobby. Was this really happening? Had Ginny Weasley really popped up in my room again and told me she wanted to talk? Just talk? The thought sounded so absurd that I had to laugh. The security guard gave me one worried glance but I found my mind only focusing on one sole person. Ginny.

I didn't want to feel like I was seeing an old long lost sister again. I didn't want to feel as if I was getting a piece of my old life back again. I didn't want to feel as if I was going back to anything. But I felt something. And I didn't think I wanted to accept it.

"Hermione!"

I almost turned away from that name, but I stopped briefly in front of the lamppost and turned to my left. The dim orange light made Ginny's hair glow even more bright and fiery red. The youngest Weasley took a few steps to stand before me. She was so tall now...I looked away, not wanting to reflect on past memories. The cool night air tickled my nostrils and I sniffled a sneeze.

"I know we're wrong. We're all wrong," Ginny began and confusion immediately filled my head.

"About?" I asked softly.

"You," she replied. "You're...you're innocent."

My heart skipped a beat, maybe even more than that. Maybe I had died and gone to heaven. That was why I could hear the pleasant word innocent. How many days had I screamed to myself, to the world I had left behind, that I was innocent? How many days had I cried myself to sleep knowing very well that I was running away from something that I didn't do? For so many years, I had screamed out to the night sky that I was just one word.

Innocent.

"You're innocent," she repeated. "When I realized everything was a mess, I knew I had to fix things. I had to make things right."

"Fix things..." I echoed.

She nodded fiercely, leaning on the lamppost for support. "Everything was so wrong...everybody was so different. You were such an important part of our lives. With you missing, we were missing a part of ourselves...and so we allowed time to change and mold us into different people. I got so scared Hermione...everything and everyone that I once knew so well felt so far away," she breathed and looked at me with glassy blue eyes once more.

I bit my lip, praying that I would not break down again. I didn't understand. I didn't get it. Ginny had been along with the rest of them...the betrayers. I was confused. So confused that my head was pounding and my chest squeezing in pain.

"But then I found out that everything wasn't really that hopeless. You were innocent," she continued. "You're not a Death Eater. You didn't kill anybody. You didn't kill Remus Lupin."

I immediately went teary eyed. For so long I had waited for someone, anyone, to say those words to me. To say I didn't do it. I didn't do anything to hurt anybody. I would never hurt my loved ones.

"You're just Hermione," Ginny whispered. "It had all been a setup...Voldemort thought," she flinched slightly,"...thought Harry would definitely break down and give up when he realized his Hermione had betrayed him. He wouldn't fight anymore. He would just turn his back on the wizarding world that depended on him solely. But he didn't. Voldemort thought wrong. Harry was furious. Furious with everything and everybody, and most of all the Dark Lord. Harry didn't turn his back to the wizarding world...instead, he fought. And he won..."

"But he turned his back on me," I said hoarsely and shifted my gaze towards the sky. Not a star could be seen, washed out by city lights. But the moon was there. No lights could wash away the moon that shone so serenely up in the darkened night.

"He didn't want to," Ginny insisted. "He didn't want to."

"But he did!" I couldn't help but raise my voice. "He did and he didn't believe me. He didn't trust me well enough to know that I would never, ever, hurt anybody that was dear to me or him." My throat hurt. My eyes stung. It hurt just talking about him. Him, my once best friend and love of my life. Him; the one that turned his back on me along with everyone else.

"He was confused! He was going through so much in such a short amount of time! He was heartbroken when he heard the news that Hermione Granger killed his guardian--"

"But if he had trusted me enough, he would never have thought it was me. He would have never believed it if he trusted me enough...loved me enough."

"You can't blame him entirely..." Ginny's voice shook. "He thought he saw you. He thought he saw you kill him, Hermione. And we all did. We all saw you kill him."

"But it wasn't me."

"I know," Ginny quickly added. "I know. That's why I'm here. Right when I figured everything out...I took Pig from the Order and sent him out with a letter addressed to you. It's hard to believe but Pig's the best owl that we've got in the Order...he can track anybody down no matter where they are and what they look like. Of course, Hedwig isn't any worst but I knew Harry would notice her missing if I used her...but still, I was surprised when this," she took out the tracking device, "told me you were all the way in America. But I was determined to find you and make you understand that everything's going to be okay again."

"It's not that simple," I muttered. "You know the truth. How? When? Who else knows? Can you answer those questions for me? So what if the whole world knows that Hermione Granger is innocent? Am I suppose to just prance back into your world--"

"It's your world too," Ginny cut in.

"Your world," I muttered stubbornly and continued, "I can't Ginny. I can't just go back thinking nothing ever happened. That no one ever turned away from me, thinking that I was...evil. A bad person. A Death Eater. Even now, the thought sickens me."

"Now answer my questions," I finished, and oddly my voice did not shake, hanging onto the chill of night as the breeze picked up and whirled about our feet.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you," Ginny replied so softly I barely heard her, but she caught my cold expression and she hastily continued, "You just have to trust me Hermione. I know you're innocent. I'm not lying. I know. And...and I'm the only one that knows."

I smirked and shook my head. "That's wonderful Ginny. You just know. So you expect me to trust you when I once did? Look what happened then! And you still expect to me to go back when you're the only one out of thousands, -millions-, that want me dead?

"Yes," she said solemnly. "Please. Come back, if not for me, for Harry."

I flinched at that name. Looking away again, I bit my lip so hard that I instantly tasted the metallic liquid of blood. "How can I trust you when you're being so vague Ginny? How can I go back...for him? Him of all people? His betrayal hurt the most, you know that. I still can't erase that memory...the way he looked at me Ginny. Do you know how it feels when someone you love so dearly stares at you with such utter hatred beyond anything you've ever felt? Do you?"

"...No," she whispered, and mumbled something under her breath. But I still caught it.

"But someday, I will."

Hogwarts never looked as splendid as it did that night. The hallways were lit with rosy light radiating from burning torches, casting intricate shadows on the old, ancient walls of the castle. Students were cheerful, teachers being pleasant, and even Peeves had decided to lay back and enjoy the festivities in the third floor corridor leaving everyone fearless of being attacked by Dungbombs or anything just as unpleasant.

I was heading up the marble staircase towards Gryffindor Tower, feeling overly joyous yet melancholy all at the same time. Tonight was graduation night for the class of 1998 and I knew I would be leaving the place I had treated as home for good. A couple stopped snogging when they caught sight of their Head Girl approaching, but I didn't bother telling them to go do their business in a more private spot. I was in a far too good mood to snap at younger students.

"Hermione!" Dean Thomas greeted cheerfully before the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Shouldn't you be up in the dormitories getting yourself all ready for the big night? I hear the other girls have been up there for the whole day!"

I shook my head in disbelief, muttering the password (maestoso lights) for the Fat Lady. "Honestly, one hour is enough for me. I don't see how anybody can stand in front of the mirror that long, especially the mirrors at Hogwarts. They're not exactly the nicest things, always making snide comments about your appearance," I stepped into the portrait hole followed by Dean. "And I see you're not ready either."

"Well, I can't look too good or else I'll outshine Lav," Dean said laughingly. "I'll just go up later and throw on my dress robes."

"Alright then," I smiled. "I'll see you then."

"See ya, bet Harry can't wait to either--"

"Talking about me behind my back?"

I turned around abruptly to see the famed golden boy of Hogwarts trotting down the steps from the boy's dormitories. His face was lit with a charming smile, his green eyes glowing with happiness behind his round-framed glasses. He too wasn't dressed in his dress robes yet, but simply wearing a white button down shirt and black dress pants. "Harry," I managed to say. No matter how many times I had seen him for the past seven years, he always managed to take my breath away.

"Mione, you better hurry up. Grad is in an hour and I wouldn't want my date to be late nor showing up with a handful of textbooks in her arms," he teased, approaching to give me a peck on the cheek.

I flushed lightly and Dean made an odd sort of noise before announcing that he was going to go up and get ready as to not disturb the vibes being sent around in the common room. I was going to ask him what on earth he meant by that, but before I could Harry had swept me off my feet and was carrying me off towards the girl's dormitories. "Um Harry--"

But before I could warn him, he had already taken a few quick strides up the stairs and before we knew it, we were sprawled at the bottom of them again. I laughed whole-heartedly, seeing Harry's disheveled state but he merely made a face. "Guess being Head Boy doesn't allow you to do everything."

"You silly git," I poked him briefly on the chest before hopping to my feet. Harry remained on the floor though, much to my annoyance as I placed a hand on my hip. "Well, aren't you going to get up already?"

"Help me up?" He blinked innocently, stretching out one hand.

I rolled my eyes but couldn't contain the giggles that filled my stomach. "Oooh you're such a big baby," I muttered but when he simply gave me a huge pouting expression, I couldn't help but grasp his outstretched hand in mine. "Now up you get--"

But before I could react, I found myself falling towards him from a sudden jerk. I landed ungracefully in Harry's arms while he laughed with amusement. His breath was light and warm, tickling my senses as his scent filled my nose making me suddenly light-headed. "Potter," I tried to scold in my best McGonagall voice but I ended up breaking into another fit of giggles. "We're going to be late because of your horrid behavior."

"Well Miss Granger, care to take the responsibility of being late with me?" He spoke gently into my ear, causing myself to melt into his arms comfortably.

"Yes--no ," I quickly snapped and it took all my willpower to pull away. I briefly nuzzled the sensitive spot under his chin before pulling him up with me. "I'd love to be late with you some other time, but being Head Boy and Girl, we really should set an example--"

"Of what a completely blissful couple should do," Harry finished brightly for me and pulled me up to his chest, the smell of the Quidditch Pitch and something along the lines of pine filling my nostrils once more. His gentle fingers traced the line of my jaw, pausing feather-like on my lips only to drop away again, making me yearn for that touch again. He leaned down ever so slightly, tilting my chin upwards to catch my lips in his own...

And I knew I would be late for anything if only to have his lips on mine for just a mere second. The taste of his lips was the tang of pumpkin pie and butterbeer, with something that was just Harry and Harry alone. The feel of his hair through my fingers, the warmth from his lean body and the feeling of utter security and peace made me feel as if I was flying. Minus the feeling of complete fright of falling, because I knew he would always be there to catch me.

"Mmm, Harry?" I whispered.

He answered with a sort of incoherent mumble.

"We're really going to be late," I said more loudly this time, pulling back slightly to stare into his glazed eyes. "In fact, we are going to be late so why don't you go down ahead and I'll try to get ready as quickly as I can?"

"I could wait--"

"It's fine. If one of us is on time, that's good enough," I smiled softly and turned to head up the stairs that Lavender and Parvati were descending. They were dressed in beautiful dress robes in the shades of a deep wine red and royal blue, both girls with their hair swept up into elegant buns. "You two look wonderful."

They smiled, showing their nice white teeth. "Thanks Hermione, you better hurry yourself. You've got about half an hour," Lavender warned and her eyes darted around the common room. "Wow, it's so empty in here."

"Must've scared them off..." Harry's voice trailed off before he grinned at me. "Well, I'll go and grab my robes. I can't really do anything about my hair," he looked up incautiously and ruffled it to make it even more messy. "Ah well, I'm not about to go do what Malfoy does to his hair."

He looked absolutely adorable then, standing there fiddling with his hair. Personally, I was glad that his hair wasn't like Malfoy's and that he wasn't planning to tame it the way Malfoy did his. I liked his hair messy, and the more unruly it was the better he looked. At least, that was my opinion.

But I didn't have time to think about my boyfriend's messy hair, as I was very much unprepared for the graduation dinner and dance tonight. I bade good-bye to the three of them and hurried up towards the dorms. Being head girl, I had been entitled to a private room but Harry and I both chose to stay in Gryffindor Tower. It just wasn't the same when you were isolated by yourself in the far west wing of the castle. The constant noise and cheeriness was one of those things that made Hogwarts feel like home.

I quickly slipped on the thin, silky material of my new dress robes. I had wanted to wear the same robe I had worn to the Yule Ball since I didn't want to make such a huge fuss over a simple matter such as clothing, but the other girls in seventh year insisted that I buy something new for such a special occasion. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and tilted my head. The light peach pink colour didn't look all that bad on me and I knew I would have to thank Ginny for spotting it for me.

The robe caught the light streaming in from the open window, the material sparkling under the sun's setting rays. I picked up my wand and waved it over my head, straightening my bushy mass of hair instantly. I looked thoughtfully at my appearance, constantly hearing Parvati's shocked voice saying, "Oh! Be adventurous and try something different !"

Nibbling the bottom of my lip thoughtfully, I waved my wand again and came up with the exact same hairdo as Lavender's. No, no, no, that wouldn't do. After ten minutes of wrist flicking, I finally stopped and stared intently at my reflection once more. This time, I had produced longer hair that reached my waist with gentle cascading curls. Anyone who saw me would know it had been wand magic, but that didn't kill the fact that it was a lovely hairstyle. I smiled with satisfaction and slipped into my matching stiletto high heels when I heard something.

It seemed to be a low murmur of some sort...but no, someone was screaming? I swiftly exited the dormitories, wand in hand and senses alert. The common room windows were still open, as no house elves had come up to tidy up yet. Something told me not to go. To just go back upstairs and just...just ignore whatever force was pulling me towards the portrait hole. But if something, or someone, was screaming, it was my duty to do something about it.

I exited Gryffindor Tower and nearly fell flat on my face. Did the castle just shake?

Footsteps. I heard footsteps. They were echoing from down the hall in quick, rhythmic beats. I hurried down the hallway towards the moving staircases to see Padma Patil of Ravenclaw and Seamus panting and looking awfully pale and shaken. Padma's once perfectly placed hair was in disarray as was Seamus in his robes. I didn't know what to ask but they answered all the questions whirring about in my head.

"Something's going on in the Great Hall," Seamus said breathlessly.

Padma nodded vehemently. "We automatically dashed out right when the screaming started...oh Hermione," she sucked in a shaky breath. "What's going on?"

I didn't know how to answer her, but I briefly gave her a pat on the shoulder before leaving them with a good-bye. Something happening in the Great Hall? That was where graduation was going to be, wasn't it? Was someone wrecking havoc? Peeves? No...it wouldn't have made everyone so panic stricken. The screaming become louder and up ahead, students in seventh year were pushing and swarming out of the double doors of the Great Hall. I hurried towards them, frustrated that I couldn't move any faster in the shoes I was wearing.

"It's her!" someone shrieked shrilly but I couldn't tell who.

I thought that the sea of moving students had stopped moving for a second, just to stare at me with wide-eyes. I saw their expression of utter horror, wide-eyed and all, before they all sped by me. I felt someone knocking into my side and I momentarily tripped onto the cold, stone floor. The confusion I was feeling was suffocating. Why was everyone so panicked? What was going on? I wanted to know.

I pulled myself up only to fall back in pain. My ankle was throbbing wildly, but I needed to get to the Great Hall. Was Harry alright? And Ron?

"....Hermione."

I looked up quickly and saw the familiar face of Neville. I sighed in relief, seeing that he was alright except for the deep cut on his forehead. "Neville! What on earth is happening? I heard the screa--"

"I...I would think you'd better get yourself out of here quick," Neville said shakily, and his eyes darted to and fro from my face to the hallway behind me. He seemed...frightened. Of...of what?

"Neville? Calm down..."

"No!" he suddenly spluttered and backed away a few steps. "I'm not trying to be mean Hermione. You've never been anything but a good friend to me but...but you've got to go."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What are you saying?"

He nervously looked at me and then tore his eyes away again. "They're not going to let you go when they catch you. They won't. I'm sorry Hermione," and he sincerely looked so. "I can't help you anymore but to tell you to run while you can."

"Now stop talking nonsense Neville," I muttered anxiously and managed to stand back on my feet. "What's wrong? Is Harry okay? How about--"

"Hermione ! You have to go--"

"There she is!"

"Stun her!"

I looked over Neville's shoulder to see Tonks and Professor Vector brandishing their wands wildly, pointing them...at me. My eyes automatically shot towards Neville with complete frustration and confusion, but the pained look in his eyes suddenly made me turn and start running. I felt something hot yet ice cold brush against the thin material of my dress robes. It streaked red by me, and I knew it had been a stunner.

Why? What was going on?

I was approaching an exit, a nearby door that led to the lake. Then I stopped, briefly, and wondered why I was running. I didn't have to run. I had to go back and get things straight. I had to go back even if suddenly Order members and professors were trying to stun me. There had to be a misunderstanding.

I stopped abruptly and turned around, seeing Tonks and Professor Vector, now joined by Snape, running towards me. I felt like I was watching them in slow motion...it was an odd feeling, seeing your professors and someone you had trusted wave their wands crazily at you. It didn't seem like a joke. I opened my mouth to shout at them, to tell them it was me, Hermione. Hermione Granger. Why were they chasing after me as if I had done something horrid?

But when I had finally found my voice, another figure had joined them.

I saw him at a distance, slightly behind Snape's left shoulder, half his face behind Tonks now vibrant lime green hair. But I recognized him all the same. But at the same time, I didn't. The look in his eyes...I didn't recognize it all. The warmth and the love that once twinkled so lively in them were gone, replaced by a look of hate and anger that made me automatically fall back a few steps. He was pale, so pale...his scar so suddenly clear against his stark white skin...blood trickling down his pale cheek amongst blood-crusted hair...

Are you alright? I wanted to ask.

But I couldn't.

Not when the next words I heard were...

"Get her, now ."

I felt my eyes widen, my senses numbing and I had blocked out all noise except for his. I heard him repeat those words, over and over again, his lips...those lips that had once been on mine and brought me sweet heaven...I saw the stark green contrast of his robes against him.

"GET HER!"

And that was the last time I ever saw him, when I ran away that day.




AN: To clear a few things up, you may be wondering why Seamus and Padma hadn't freaked out when they saw Hermione. This is because they had run out before they had seen what others saw. As to why the Order members are at a Hogwarts grad, well, it's Harry grad isn't it? Hehe, just there for the festivities and for extra safety in case of sudden events. There are also some things which may not seem to make sense, but I won't point them out because I might just be hinting too much. Well, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and reviews are loved =)

AN: This is more of a transition chapter, from Hermione finally making a decision and then acting upon it later. Thanks everyone for the reviews and oh my, I replied to them all if you reviewed in Ch.3, so yes...have a look in the review page if you're bored =P Okay, I won't bother you any longer so here's Ch.4.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JKR

Something just isn't right
I can feel it inside
The truth isn't far behind me
You can't deny
When I turn the lights out
Reality overcomes me
I'm living a lie.
--Together, Avril Lavigne


Stubborn and confused as I was, I did not leave with Ginny the very next day nor the day after that. Instead, I busied myself with Urban Fusion's upcoming July issue and tried to live life as if I had never been interrupted by a said red-headed witch.

"Um, Hope?"

"What?" I asked automatically as Penny bit her lip.

"Your pancakes," she nodded towards me and I quickly glanced downwards.

"Drat!" I scowled and wrinkled up my nose at the smell of burnt pancakes. I nervously fumbled with the bowl of pancake mix while Penny just stared. I didn't want to seem so distraught over nothing but my mind was simply not cooperating. Simple things like flipping pancakes and making coffee had suddenly become complicated tasks that I had to focus hard on.

"Here, let me do it," Penny insisted and grabbed the bowl out of my hands. "You've got something on your mind and I'm itching to know what's making Mistress Pancake-maker so befuddled," said Penny in an awfully dramatic voice.

I blinked and threw off my pink checkered apron, giving Penny a frustrated look as I did so. "Nothing is on my mind. It's just...work related stress--"

"Work has never been such a huge stress issue for you," Penny cut in as she messily flipped a pancake, splitting it almost in two. "I know you and you can handle six Andrea Greens."

I gaped at her. "No, I can't! One's enough! Oooh, just thinking about that woman makes me shudder."

"Right, right...well be thankful you're off today," Penny reminded. "And if I were you, I'd definitely be sleeping in."

I didn't want to tell her that sleep had been absent in my schedule for the past couple of days, so I merely nodded, taking a quick sip of my hot cocoa. Mind you, it was a summer morning and a blazing hot one at that, but my senses were unscrewing themselves and I couldn't seem to control them anymore. It didn't matter if the sun was scorching and the sky was cloudless. Hot cocoa calmed my jittering insides. Slightly.

"Oh, and who's Ginny W...Weasel?"

I spat a mouthful of cocoa back into the mug. "How do you know her? And it's Weasley."

"I don't," came Penny's short reply and she pulled out a scrap of paper from her jeans. "You left this in your jacket pocket when I was just about to dunk it into the washing machine."

I took the piece of paper quickly from Penny's fingers. It had Ginny's name and the hotel and room number she was staying in. She had given it to me before our parting three days ago. I still could not find the courage to call her, nor a reason to do so. And so here I was, sipping hot coca.

"So, who is she?" Penny asked curiously as she placed a stack of pancakes before me.

"Business...magazine related...wanted to see if she could get a job at Urban," I stuttered and focused on the nice, bumpy and slightly burnt surface of Penny's pancakes. I thought they looked quite similar to the pancakes I had burnt just a few minutes ago, but I left my thoughts unspoken.

Surprisingly Penny nodded and skipped off towards the television with her plate of breakfast. I sighed, stabbing a fork into my stack while pouring an overdose of maple syrup on them. I could almost here the little pancake particles wailing as they drowned in gooey sugary goodness...

"It's for you Hope!"

I snapped out of my odd reverie and caught the phone that Penny had tossed over. I frowned at her disapprovingly. "Didn't I tell you not to chuck the phone around? You do remember the next broken phone is on your bill, not mine."

Penny made a face and returned her attention back to her reality TV show. I didn't have to remind her that our phones had a sad past (and the dented wall in Penny's room) since she would always throw the phone at the poor wall when her boyfriend of the month had decided to call it quits. Shaking my head, I mumbled a quick hello into the telephone expecting Andrea's high-pitched shrieks because I didn't put the stack of articles submitted to her in alphabetical order.

"Oh thank Merlin this thing worked correctly! You don't know how long I stood by the phone booth watching these Muggles press these little number buttons," Ginny's voice came from the other end with relief evident in her voice.

"Ginny," I stated, suppressing the shock in my tone and making sure my brain understood who it was on the other end of the line." What do you want?" The words had slipped out of my mouth before I realized how rude it sounded. Then again, my brain wasn't really in the state to string words together more pleasantly.

"Wow, woke up on the wrong side of bed didn't you?" Ginny managed with a faint yet forced laugh. "I just wanted to see if you've decided yet."

"Decided what?" I asked, playing dumb.

I could almost see Ginny rolling her big, blue eyes. "If you'll come back or not..." she trailed off hesitantly, as if afraid I would blow up on her.

"I...I don't think so," I managed through short breaths.

"Hermione...please? For--"

"Don't you dare say 'for Harry'. What makes you think I'll want to go back for Harry? Why would I go back for Harry? I rather go back for...for Malfoy than him!" I nearly spat. "It makes no difference does it? All of you think I deserve to die and be kissed by Dementors. Oh look! Harry and Malfoy have something in common! They both want me dead! Bet he'll blanche when he realizes that."

Silence. I had to stop the bitter venom that was lingering on my tongue before I spat out all my pent up anger and bitterness towards my so called friends. And to Ginny alone.

"Then...then don't think of coming back for anyone. Just do it. For yourself only," came Ginny's voice timidly.

I was confused for a brief moment before my brow furrowed. "And why would I want to anyway?"

"Because you know how much you long for home Hermione. Don't lie to yourself and make up this fake persona of...Hope right? You're just lying to yourself, trying to be a plain Muggle when you know you're so much more--"

"Hope is very much real, thank you," I interrupted with annoyance. "This life is real. This person that I am is real. Hermione wasn't. Hermione--"

"Is who you are, damn it! You can't change that! You're a marvelous and talented witch and you shouldn't give up everything you've worked for just because you think everyone's turned their backs on you."

"I don't think that, I know that."

"But you're wrong! I believe in you. I know you're innocent. I know Ron, Luna...Neville and especially Harry are all dieing to believe in you. They just need something to remind them that Hermione was their friend, not some bloody coldhearted murderer."

"A reminder? So I should just pop by and grin at them and hope they won't Avada Kedavra me on the spot, hmmm? Great plan Gin!"

Ginny sighed in exasperation. "The Hermione I knew wouldn't leave things like this. She would come back and set things straight. She would figure out a way to prove her innocence and gain back what's rightfully hers; freedom and her home. The wizarding world. Mr. and Mrs. Granger...they miss you by the way..."

I felt my hand shake and I realized I was losing it again. Breaking down and sobbing like an idiot.

"Hermione," she stressed, "tell me your decision at noon today. I'll be waiting at Spring Fortune, that little Chinese restaurant near Main."

Click. The dial tone buzzed in my ear and I quickly jabbed the off button on the cordless phone. I felt myself blinking rapidly and felt a pair of eyes staring at me. Penny was giving me her 'curious' look again.

"So who's this...For Harry?"

In fourth grade I was titled the "tattletale" girl. It was a Tuesday and we were having a spelling test on chapter nine. I didn't have a shadow of a doubt that I'd past with a smacking one hundred percent.

"Persistence," Mrs. Tah repeated slowly.

I quickly jotted down p-e-r-s-i-s-t-e-n-c-e. I looked up expectantly at Mrs. Tah's neat and wavy hair, suddenly wondering how wonderful it would be to have such tidy hair. It would be much easier to take care of then a bush of hair like mine.

"Justice."

J-u-s-t-i-c-e. My pencil squeaked under my persistence to jot down the word as fast as humanly possible. I smiled in silent triumph as twenty-four other kids scraped their pencils on their paper, trailing after me. I didn't know why I always did I have a yearn to learn and be at the top of all my classes. Did it give me satisfaction to know that I knew every answer on page 236? Yes, it did actually. It made me feel smart and all knowing. It was a nice feeling really.

"Honesty."

H-o-n...my eyes slowly turned towards my right and low and behold...Teresa was cheating. She was occasionally looking at the underside of her big, fat, white eraser and glancing at Mrs. Tah with fear and panic visible in her young eyes. Something inside of me flared and flickered, my grip tightening on my pencil.

This wasn't right. I spent a good two hours reviewing "justice" and "honesty" over and over again and here she was, copying off her eraser with no effort whatsoever and leaving her brain to simply process the letters on her eraser instead of actually memorizing the darn words. Was this fair for those that actually tried to remember these words by heart? A big bold N-O flashed brightly in my young mind and instantly my hand shot straight up into the air.

"Yes Hermione?"

I turned to look at Teresa who had her eraser squashed underneath her palm. "Teresa's cheating," I reported calmly.

The class turned to stare at Teresa and her neat braids. She turned tomato red instantly as she narrowed her beady eyes at me before shaking her head frantically at Mrs. Tah. At lunch, I was dubbed "tattletale" girl and ended up with sand down my blouse and in my shoes due to "tattletale"-haters. There were quite a lot of them on the school grounds and I wasn't really popular that day, not that I was in any other day of the week.

The next day, we had a science quiz on planets. Teresa had a slip of paper that she was sitting on (I had seen her place it sneakily on her seat after coming in from break) and her legs were slightly parted. She was glancing now and then at the paper hidden from sight, and also turning to glance at me to shoot glares at me.

That day, I remained silent and there was no sand up my blouse or in my shoes.

And here I was, all twenty-one years of me hopping out of a cab and heading towards Spring Fortune.

As I stepped through the doors, I did not know the answer to Ginny's question yet. I had hours to think about my decision, but here I was without an answer and reflecting on fourth grade. How productive, a little voice in my head sneered.

"Should I tell?" A little girl's voice rang clearly from a nearby table as she gripped two Barbies (one was dressed like a hooker and the other in some sort of gymnastics outfit with molded in underwear which was quite visible for the girl was holding it upside down) in her chubby little hands.

Should I go back?

"If I don't, it's not fair," the girl was shaking the gymnastics Barbie.

Not fair...to myself. To Hermione...and what she would've wanted.

"If I do...it's gonna be hard because Molly's my friend." Up and down bobbed hooker-looking Barbie's head.

If I go back...it's going to be one hell of a ride. Emotionally- and mentally.

"Hermione! Over here!"

I looked up to see Ginny waving a frantic hand. As I approached, still slightly dazed, I could tell she was anxious to know my decision. Her face was paler than usual and when she reached for her iced lemonade her hand shook. I never noticed how much of a contrast her pale skin was too her fiery red hair until now. It reminded me of how Ron looked every time he went stalk pale when he spotted a certain eight-legged creature.

When I sat down, my gaze never leaving Ginny Weasley's, I suddenly realized I knew. So sure, so strongly, the answer shone before my eyes.

"Persistence..."

"Pardon?" Ginny was looking frantic, giving me a worried glance.

Oddly, I titled my blonde head and smiled. "I'm coming. Back, I mean. As in, I'll go with--"

I was cut short when Ginny had hopped out of her seat and bear hugged me over the table, knocking over her lemonade and my empty glass in the process. The waiter nearby frowned and scuttled underneath our table to mop up the mess, but Ginny didn't seem to notice.

"Oh Hermione! I'm so glad...I don't know what I would've done if you refused," she let go slowly and I could see tears shining in her eyes. "How? What--" she fumbled with her words and finished with a wobbly, sheepish grin.

I ordered a glass of ice water and another lemonade for Ginny before replying, "Actually, a little girl helped me out of this dilemma."

"Really?" Ginny looked dumbfounded. "So a little girl could persuade you to come back but I couldn't?"

I laughed and nodded. "I suppose so. I guess I just want what should be mine. You were right, shouldn't I fight for my rights? I want the wizarding world to know that I'm not whom they say I am. I want my innocence. I've been silent for too long...it's time to take a harder path in life and do something about the mess I'm in."

Ginny nodded at my every pause for breath. I was mildly surprised I even remembered how to breath. I wasn't really sure whether Ginny understood me or not, but I really didn't care as adrenaline suddenly pumped through me and my eyes flashed with sudden determination.

"It feels kind of like fourth year, when Rita Skeeter said all those horrid things about...us," I chose a rather vague word but I knew Ginny understood. "I was so determined to prove her wrong...anyway, I'm not doing this for anybody," the smile slipped off my face. "Truthfully, I don't think I can forgive you all. But that doesn't mean I won't go for the life I should be able to lead. I didn't do anything wrong and I will not let my name be written down in books next to the words 'Death Eater'," I lowered my voice when the waiter, who handed me my ice water and Ginny her lemonade, shot me a strange look.

"I've run for four years...and I'm getting tired," I finished softly and wrapped my fingers around the cool glass of water, my fingers instantly feeling nice and soothed from the summer heat.

Ginny was smiling. "I guess I'd be asking for too much if I told you to forgive us...but this is a start. Guess you'll stop taking that weird Appearance Alteration potion?" She eyed my hair and eyes thoughtfully.

Yes, I had been taking a potion for the past years to keep up the appearance I had at the present moment. It worked like the Polyjuice Potion (but you only had to take it once every six hours), except slightly more complicated to brew as you weren't taking on somebody else's appearance, but creating one entirely from scratch. During my experimenting stages, I had ended up with a nose that was almost the exact replica of Snape's, but after a few more tries things were a bit more pleasant to look at in the mirror.

"No, not yet. It wouldn't be really smart to walk around Diagon Alley as Hermione Granger when I'm still a 'murderer'," I answered and fixed my eyes on Ginny. "Now that I've answered your questions, I think you should answer mine."

"Sure. Shoot."

I leaned over slightly, careful not to let me long hair dip into my glass of water. "How do you know that I'm innocent? What makes you so sure?" My gaze was hard. I wanted to know. I wanted to know why Ginny Weasley had no flicker of doubt in her eyes every time she stated my innocence.

She opened her mouth and shut it, and opened it again. She was wringing her napkin in her pale hands before she finally took a breath to spill...

"Ginny! "

Both of us flinched at the exact same time for some unknown reason. I didn't know Ginny had a friend in New York, and yet it didn't look like she was happy to see this overseas friend as her expression was one of distress. I followed her gaze and I knew I must've died.

I was in hell, that was where I was. Where else could fate be so cruel and horrid? I tried in vain to tear my gaze away but I couldn't. I couldn't look away from all six foot two of him, or his still ever so unruly mane of raven hair and those intense green orbs behind silver-framed glasses. And of course, the infamous scar peeked out from beneath strands of raven hair dropping before his eyes...and I felt the deepest desire to run. Not away. But to him. Into his arms and he would sweep me off my feet and spin me around, telling me everything had been a long, long nightmare and he was here to wake me up. For good.

But he was striding towards the table, his gaze never turning to me but only towards Ginny. I couldn't read the expression on his face...and it was then that I realized he looked paler, skinnier, almost like the little boy I had met on the train when we were only eleven years old. Lost, confused, unloved. My thoughts were dancing, my gaze swimming. How was he? The look in his eyes...so blank. I wanted to see the shine in his eyes...but he deserved to look so...so dead. He had turned away from me. He had left me when I needed him the most.

And suddenly my gaze darkened, but he, nor Ginny, noticed.

"...H..Harry! What are you doing here?" Ginny gasped and stood up from her seat stiffly.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing."

Oh, that voice. That voice that once swore to never leave my side, to never hurt me, to always cherish me...that voice. So blank, so emotionless, and I shuddered. That voice...his tone now, sounded very much like his voice that night. That night when he had stared at me with the most horrid expression I had ever seen, and said two words. Get her. Unknown to myself, my fists were balled up and I was quite as pale as Ginny.

But of course they didn't notice. They were too preoccupied with gaping at each other.

"I'm here for Order business," came Harry's short reply as he ran a hand through his messy hair. I never felt my throat constrict as it did now, and I nearly gasped for breath. "Lestrange was reported to have been last seen in New York...she's been running around free long enough. Besides, we all know who she works closely with."

Ginny paled even more, if that was possible. "Maybe we're wrong Harry. She'd never work alongside with Sirius' killer--"

"Oh yes she would," Harry muttered darkly. "You-know-who loves playing these types of games, doesn't she?"

Their words made no sense whatsoever. Lestrange...were they talking about Bellatrix? And you-know-who...but wasn't Voldemort defeated? And since when was Voldemort referred to as female? I was definitely hearing things.

Ginny clasped her hands together and plastered a feeble smile on her face as she waved a hand towards me. I stiffened instantly at her actions and wished the ground would part and swallow me whole. "This is Hope. I came to New York to visit her."

For a brief moment, a brief fantasy, I thought he would turn his eyes towards me and something would just click . He'd see through these clear eyes and sleek blonde hair and see who I was within and he would...would do something that would only happen in fairytales. Of course, he simply glanced at me and nodded in acknowledgement, not a hint of a smile on those lips. Lips. I felt like I was choking on air.

I found myself standing up mechanically, sticking out a hand, yet I couldn't bring my eyes to linger on his. "Nice...to meet you," and all the while a little voice in my head screamed "He hates you! He hates you!" and I mentally screamed back "I hate him! I hate him too!"

His hand, even if it was just a brief moment, was in mine as we shook hands.

It was then that I think my fantasy came true for one, little millisecond as a noisy truck passed by the little Chinese restaurant we were in. The little girl with her Barbies was screaming for some unknown reason while her mother told her to shush up and eat her pudding. It was also then that he gave me one strange look, his emerald eyes narrowed in slight...I-didn't-know-what-it-was...and he let go abruptly.

"Harry. Harry Potter. Nice to meet you."



AN: This isn't the real, big, boom confrontation between Harry and Hermione, obviously, since Hermione isn't even being 'herself' at the moment. I guess you can call this a little teaser because honestly, Harry would probably end up in the story by Ch.8 or something and I knew we couldn't wait until then, right? Anyhoo, I personally dislike this chapter the most out of all my chapters. I really don't know why. It just sends me bad vibes =S

AN: I'm glad you all didn't despise the previous chapter and once again, thank you soooo much for the support. School has started for me and already I'm drowning in homework. This is insane. I'm sad to announce this but I sense that the updates are becoming weekly. Anyhoo, this is one of those transition chapters again from muggle world to wizarding world. Don't expect major, huge, revelations :P

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JKR

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
--Why Can't I?, Liz Phair




I was never a person to hold grudges. I believed in the whole "forgive and forget" routine when things could work out. Even Malfoy's voice spitting out the word Mudblood faded into distant memories and I slowly accepted that Malfoy would always be Malfoy and being angry at a sodding git was a waste of good energy that I could have used to revise for the N.E.W.Ts.

I remembered that my longest grudge had to be towards Ron. No surprises there, as we dated in our sixth year which naturally meant chaotic things. Poor Gryffindor House had to endure our constant arguments that seemed to increase in length and volume with each passing day. This one particular day, Ginny had been the source of our madness. Well, Ron's madness to be precise.

It was a Hogsmeade weekend and Ron had did what a boyfriend was suppose to do; ask me out on this particular weekend. Ron, Harry, and I had been sitting around in Gryffindor common room, lounging until noon to wait for the carriages to take us down. Of course, Harry not wanting to be the third wheel decided that he would do something about his blank piece of parchment (which was supposedly his potions assignment). We were just discussing the topic of what to get Seamus for his birthday present when Ginny came bounding down the stairs with a neutral expression on her face.

"What are we talking about?" She asked with interest as she plopped herself down beside me on one of the many squashy armchairs of Gryffindor common room.

"Seamus' birthday present," Ron answered while popping in a squirming chocolate frog into his mouth. He didn't seem to catch the sudden sag of Ginny's shoulders but I could tell Harry had noticed along with myself. I glanced at Harry questioningly but he merely shrugged with confusion.

I rolled my eyes, seeing that the boys weren't going to ask what was obviously wrong with the younger Gryffindor. Turning to look at Ginny, I asked, "What's wrong?"

Ginny stood up abruptly, shaking her head a little bit before biting on her lip. "Oh nothing," her voice hinted sarcasm that once again, I caught alone while the boys blinked at her. "Or maybe because it's my birthday today." She turned to stare hard at Ron before turning on her heels to storm out of the portrait hole without another word. I gaped at Ron, finding myself shaking my head in disbelief.

"You forgot your sister's birthday?"

Ron held up his hands in defense, still chewing hard on the chocolate frog. "I didn't mean to!" He managed to say and swallowed. "It's hard to remember all their birthdays when you've got so many siblings!"

I nodded slowly, not convinced. "That's wonderful Ron."

"Hey! I didn't forget your birthday!" He pointed out.

"That's not the point," I mumbled.

"Why are you getting so mad about this?" Ron frowned with frustration and turned towards Harry. "Don't you think she's overreacting mate? I mean, Ginny didn't look half as mad as this!"

Harry remained silent. I knew how much he hated it when he got stuck in between our arguments and had to side with one of us. I saw his discomfort and mirrored Ron's frown. "Stop bringing Harry into this--"

"Okay, okay! Well it's not like you remembered her birthday, now did you?" Ron shot back with a satisfied look on his face.

I gaped at him, "Am I her brother?!"

"Am I her very, very, good friend?!"

"Honestly! You're impossible!"

"I'm impossible?! You're--"

That day we had both blown our tops. I really wouldn't have gotten as mad as I did if Ron's attitude had been a bit more understanding. Ginny was his sister after all, he just wouldn't admit that forgetting her birthday wasn't really fulfilling his brotherly role. His immature behavior made me act solely on temper, and wasn't your girlfriend or boyfriend suppose to bring the best out of one another? That would never happen between Ron and I for we brought out the little devils in one another.

I didn't speak with Ron for four months. Maybe even more, and the occasional words we would exchange were "thanks for passing the potatoes" or something as irrelevant as that. I had never been so frustrated and angered by someone...

But then again, I hadn't spoken to him in four years. I guess that broke the record.

"So you're looking for Bellatrix Lestrange in a Chinese restaurant?" Ginny attempted to lighten the mood, her side-way glances at me becoming more frequent as I paled with each passing second.

Harry shook his head. I thought I wasn't looking at him. I guess I thought wrong. "No, I just saw you through the window...got lost in thought...never mind," he finished off awkwardly and glanced at the wristwatch on his wrist. "I better get going," he turned to nod his head slightly at me before turning to leave.

It wasn't really processing. The reality of it all didn't want to sink in, and when he turned to leave without another word I would've swore he had never been just a foot or two away from me. Maybe it had been a chimera, a figment of my imagination that Harry Potter had been in the same room as me, breathing the same air.

But my heart was pounding, my hands sweaty and clammy. This was definitely not a normal state I would normally be in, and deep inside I knew seeing him again was the only thing that would cause my nerves to explode in frenzy. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. There we go, breathing wasn't all that difficult. Heck, I'd be really out of my mind if I couldn't even supply my own body with oxygen.

"Hermione? Hermione!"

Inhale. Exhale. "Hmm?"

"Are you alright?" Ginny's concerned face hovered before me and I giggled. Giggled. Ginny stared. Suddenly, I couldn't control the alien force causing my body to rack with laughter. This of course increased my difficulty to breathe even more.

"So that was Harry," I somehow choked through my constricting throat. I waved a careless hand at Ginny when she was about to say something. "Wait, no, of course that was Harry! Doesn't he look alive and kicking!"

Ginny seemed confused. Hell, I, Hermione Granger, was damn confused. I felt so detached from myself that I hadn't even realized I was standing up on my own two feet, hands firmly on the white tablecloth as if all my weight depended on it. Exhale. Wait. Did I inhale yet? Was I choking on air? Air never felt so stale...my head felt light, my feet not really on solid ground.

"I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't think Harry of all people would be...here," her voice was strained and she looked so disheveled that I had to wonder how horrible I looked. "He's...not very into Chinese food," she finished off hopefully and her shoulders sagged when I did not seem the least bit enlightened by the fact. Of course I knew he wasn't into Chinese food...in fact he preferred Japanese food and...I slapped myself mentally. Get a grip.

I had finally managed to breathe again, and oddly I was feeling a surreal calm. It was kind of like an invisible cozy mist wrapping itself around me, willing me to stand strong and not run. Again. I tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear before asking in a voice unfamiliar to my own ears, "So who's you-know-who the second? Thought he wasn't around more."

If Ginny could possibly pale even more, she did. She could have blended in quite nicely with the white tablecloth gripped under my hands. "Well," she began shakily with wide-eyes, "she's...not you-know-who! I mean," she looked away fretfully, "not the you-know-who..." she was mumbling now, waving her arms around as if emphasizing something and yet nothing all at the same time.

I nodded very slowly. "So I see..."

"You. Itreferstoyou."

Somehow, I never could understand Harry's abrupt blurs of words when he was overly anxious or nervous. I would always have to tell him to repeat himself, to tell him to calm down. Yet with Ginny speaking very quickly, I sadly understood and the cozy, warm mist that had surrounded me from harsh reality seemed to vanish into nothingness. I was vulnerable. Again. I couldn't breathe. Again. I wanted to run.

Again.

"Hermione, he just--"

Refers to me as you-know-who. As if I were the Dark Lord. How could they associate me so closely with something that had been used to label the darkest wizard ever known to the wizarding world? The thought made my stomach do flip-flops and I thought I could feel acidic bile burning at my throat. Ginny's voice went in one ear and out the other, never residing for more than a millisecond in my mind. Nothing mattered. Her explanations weren't needed. I understood. It was simple really.

He hated me so badly that I was his new demon. His Dark Lord. His Voldemort.

"I'll call you later, or something," I found myself saying and turned to leave. Maybe Ginny was calling after me, but it was just a shadow of noise bouncing off the walls of my muddled mind. I wrapped my arms around myself as I stepped out onto the streets, wondering why the sun's rays felt so cold that goose bumps were decorating my arm. I shivered.

And started wandering.

Up and down the streets I glided. Thinking. Did I really want to go back? Of course I did...I missed things in my old life that I could never find in this life. This...this place called New York. There was always something out of place, nothing really right. Everyday had been like a different story, as if I was playing somebody else's part. As if I were acting. I missed my parents and their sugarless gum and floss that you would find everywhere in the house. I missed the many places I had found so much happiness in. Hogwarts. Flourish and Blotts...I missed the sense of belonging I felt back at home.

Home.

I wasn't returning to England for the soul purpose of my private life. I just wanted the place where I would truly belong. I did belong there, didn't I? If I didn't, where did I belong? Nowhere? Did I have no place to go? No place to run to? A place to call home? But I did. And that was the place I had left four years ago.

Insecurity swept through me like a sudden wave. I would have shivered again if not for the styrofoam cup of hot cocoa suddenly in my hands. I looked up and saw the hazel eyes of Penelope smiling at me. "What are you up to now, Hope?"

"Walking," I replied and took a sip. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

"No, it's a Sunday," she replied and gave me a worried look.

I sighed, "...I think I'm going to be leaving, Penny."

"Leaving?" Penny echoed softly and I turned to look at her. Wondering if she would feel remorse, feel anything. Did we really have some sort of friendship? Did I believe in that connection between people anymore? Did I ever trust Penny? Trust...such a false thing. All these thoughts ran in my head until Penny smiled more to herself then to me.

"It's about time, Hope!" Her voice was slightly strained, her gaze never meeting mine as she glanced up at the bright sky. "You were never...happy here, you know? Sometimes I would wonder what was wrong...it wasn't like you had a horrid life or anything. Then I thought, maybe it was me. Maybe I was too bothersome with my waterworks and boy problems...but you never seemed to mind when you would lend me a shoulder to cry on," she nibbled on her bottom lip thoughtfully and I could see tears swimming in her eyes. Penny had never been a person to hide her feelings.

I felt a twinge in my heart. I felt something for this younger girl, I really did. But I didn't want to. "Penny..."

"Then a year went by, and you were always the same. Work was your top priority, making sure I didn't get myself into another big mess your second. But sometimes I would realize how little I knew about you...how unhappy you were. I still don't know why, but I think maybe it's just you," she finally looked at me and she blinked a few times. "Maybe there's something you haven't let go yet. Maybe there's something I don't know, and for once I won't ask," she grinned. "But wherever you're going, I just hope you'll actually be happy."

I didn't know why I felt a sudden swell of pride for the girl before me. The girl who cried rivers, the girl who couldn't flip pancakes, the girl who asked me so many personal questions to a point that it was sometimes annoying. But here she was, understanding why I had to leave, stating things I never really knew myself. Happy. Happy hadn't been in my dictionary for a while-- and I never noticed. I never took an effort to be happy. There was no need. I just wanted to get by my days...move on, but I guess it hadn't worked.

"You'll take care of yourself, won't you?" I asked, and was surprised to feel my eyes water.

She nodded, placing her hands on her hips and puffing out her chest. "I'm a strong kiddo, Hope! Besides," she let her hands drop to her sides, "you're the one that needs to take care. Don't think about how happy you were yesterday, the day before that, or years ago. Think about how you'll make yourself happy tomorrow, the day after that, years later," she trailed off and blushed. "Ooooh I'm just blabbing on..."

I let a smile lit my face and I hugged the girl. She seemed startled, but returned the gesture enthusiastically.

"So where are you going?"

I had called Ginny, asking her when she wanted to leave. We had come to some unspoken understanding that we wouldn't bring up his sudden appearance back at Spring Fortune. She told me that we could leave tomorrow morning, going by Floo Network from the fireplace in my apartment. She would set up a connection and if all went well, we would end up in Diagon Alley.

Of course, I was a bit apprehensive about traveling by Floo from the Americas all the way across the Atlantic, but Ginny didn't seem the least bit worried and I guessed that she had traveled here by the same way and she hadn't lost a finger or two.

I sat myself at my neat desk, a blank piece of scented letter paper in front of me. We would be leaving at six in the morning, and Penny was definitely not going to be awake at that time. I decided a note would be sufficient enough, telling her I would write and leaving her a couple breakfast recipes just in case she got sick of plain old pancakes. I told her not to take relationships too seriously...and I added just as an afterthought that I hoped she would find her happy fairytale ending.

I placed my ballpoint pen on my desk and spun around on my chair. Looking around my room, I didn't know what to pack. Did I even need to pack? I shook my head. Of course I did. But nothing seemed to stand out, screaming, "Pack me! Pack me!". I decided to open my closet first, throwing out my one and only suitcase and folding in some Muggle clothing. I paused, looking over my shoulder for no reason at all before loosening the floorboard in the far corner of my closet. Dust caused me to sneeze and I impatiently waved at the air before me.

I didn't know why I felt a sudden feeling of foreboding. My hand over the loose floorboard, I suddenly realized I was connecting myself with that world again. I had felt that everything having to do with magic would somehow betray me. I wondered now, if I would flip over the floorboard and something would explode in my face. I sucked in a deep breath, and turned it over.

Nothing happened.

The smooth shine of my wand glinted back at me and I felt myself reaching out to it lovingly. I grasped it in my fingers, feeling four years of longing wash away. So many memories...my grip tightened as I tossed out two robes while quickly dusting off a few cat hairs and a few spell books, remembering to grab a few vials of the appearance alteration potion. At the very bottom were various presents from... them. Oddly, I took them each out, dusted them off, and placed them carefully in the suitcase. When I came upon a bottle of perfume, I laughed and shook my head. Ron and his strange present choices...

My hand fell upon a thin chain, and I cringed. I knew what it was. How could I forget the last thing he had ever given me out of love? I withdrew my hand from underneath and pulled out a necklace. It was enchanted. And when you opened the heart-shaped locket a beautiful melody would come from it. It was a hauntingly beautiful sound...I had asked him where he got the tune from.

He said it was a lullaby his mother sang to him. He wasn't sure if it was in reality, or just the lullaby that he would hear in his dreams.

It didn't matter; the necklace had always been something I held dearly to my heart. But four years ago I had cast it aside just like any other memory of the wizarding world.

Now, four years later, I tentatively ran my fingers over the locket's smooth silver surface, and pried it open. I had the idea that the charm or whatever spell he had used would have worn off now. But it hadn't. And that same, soothing melody trickled into my ears, filling myself with the song that had represented our undying love, our promises.

6:00AM. I sat up groggily, hitting my alarm clock forcefully while swinging my feet over the edge of my bed. I hadn't slept well at all. In fact, I had fallen asleep an hour ago only to be woken up by the annoyingly loud beeping of a plastic covered clock. I silently hoped Penny hadn't been woken, but she was a deep sleeper and I knew she could sleep through a hurricane if she wanted to.

I dressed quietly, feeling the smooth fabric of my black robes as I slipped them on over a light blue T-shirt and jeans. I placed my wand carefully in my pocket, feeling an odd sense of déjà vu with the comforting weight of it there. I took the letter I had written for Penny, pulling my luggage behind me to enter the living room only to see Ginny sitting on the couch waiting.

I managed to stifle a cry of alarm while Ginny grinned, standing up in her own robes of deep maroon. She had a small velvet pouch in one hand, containing floo powder no doubt.

"Ready?" she whispered.

I nodded and she untied the pouch, taking a pinch of powder in her hands. "I'll go first, just in case you...erm, can't remember the process."

I didn't want to tell her I would never forget and sound rude, so instead I merely nodded and watched as Ginny stepped into the fireplace hunched over. She was gone in a burst of green flames as she stated rather loudly our destination. I glanced at the pouch of floo powder she had left on the ground and took a deep breath. Here I was, going back to a place I was suppose to hate and detest yet secretly love and yearn for.

Lugging my suitcase behind me, I stepped into the fireplace and threw the floo powder in, just as a familiar figure came out of her room with not the least bit of surprise on her face, seeing me in a fireplace dressed in something that looked like a Halloween costume of some sort. Green flames erupted around me, and her calm expression never left her face.

I wondered if Penny was sleepwalking.

I didn't have time to ponder as I quickly stated, "Diagon Alley."

But I heard Penny call out a few words, and I knew she was not sleepwalking and probably just not fully awake yet too comprehend the strangeness of someone being in a fireplace with flickering green flames.

I was swept off my feet with her words lingering in my ears.

"To happy days, Hope."


AN: Goodness, sorry for the awfully short chapter, but I promise Ch.6 will be longer. Much longer. I wanted to cut off this chapter before they reached the wizarding world so I could focus on that portion of the fic in Ch.6. And if you're real smart and observant, this chapter might have turned on the light switch to one question. *erk I think I just gave out too much, but at least hopefully later on you won't bite my head off* Hope you enjoyed this chapter and reviews are loved! Oh, and how's the font size (I've had a couple people groan about the small font)?

AN: Oh goodness, thank you Luni for pointing out that they were leaving at FIVE AM in the previous chapter. I changed it to SIX because I thought it was more logical and fitting with this chapter. You'll kind of see why. Also, I think I just lead everyone off to the wrong path. Penny is just one oblivious, sleepwalking/sleeptalking muggle teen. The hint I was hinting at was something to do with Hermione. Anyhoo, don't kill me guys! This chapter may make some of your throw tomatoes or something, but remember, this IS H/Hr! Never doubt that. This fic supports the ships that Portkey supports even though at the present moment, my story may seem anything but that. Don't worry, things will jumble around eventually and fit back in place.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JKR

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear
Of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me

--Imaginary, Evanescence


It was nostalgic, feeling the familiar dizziness and never ending spiraling fall that one could only experience by travels through the Floo Network. Not even a Muggle roller coaster could compare to the feeling of stomach rising to throat as a simple trip through the fireplace. Yet all too soon, just as I was actually enjoying and reflecting on pass ventures through this network, I found myself in a heap of ashes while merry din rung gently and welcomingly into my ears.

"Ah, you must be Ginny's friend!"

"Up you get now," I felt an arm hoist me up on my own two feet.

"So all the way from North America?"

"Welcome to the WWW--"

"And I'm Fred--"

"And George!"

"We're Ginny's brothers."

I was sure that I had fallen back into the fireplace with all the noise making me light-headed and woozy. It was awfully stuffy and warm, my eyes still adjusting to the multi-coloured lights flashing now and then in the store. All I could see was red hair- and more red hair. Where was I again? I stumbled back slightly, almost tripping over my suitcase that had landed beside me, also covered in a nice coating of ash. Someone steadied me. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to really see everything around me.

"Give her some space," the voice of Ginny rose over the sea of red. "You're all suffocating her and you might as well just scare her off and she'll never want to come back!" Her frustrated and annoyed tone reminded me very much of Molly Weasley scolding her children, and then it suddenly dawned on me that I was here. In Diagon Alley. In some flashy coloured store, surrounded by red-headed people.

I was back.

Ginny was suddenly in front of me and I dared myself to look up and leave the spot on the ground I had been staring at. I knew my eyes were wide and I couldn't really blink. "Are we here?" I asked numbly.

Ginny simply nodded and took my hand, leading me away from the fireplace. I instinctively grabbed for my suitcase before we left the suffocating crowd and I found myself looking over my shoulder to see the curious expressions on Fred and George Weasley's face. A group of young children were swarming around their feet, and it was then that I noticed some of them didn't sport red as their hair colour.

"This is the WWW, Fred and George's joke shop," Ginny explained. "Remember how they kept on going on and on about it? Well, this is it," and I could hear a hint of pride in her voice. I smiled feebly and took in my surroundings of weird and random objects, an occasional object zooming above and just barely grazing the top of my head. Odd noises were emitting from different directions and I found myself very much lost.

"Want to try a Cushion Chew?" Fred had suddenly popped up again in his flashy neon blue robes, his hand outstretched with a bunch of oval shaped candy looking objects in a selection of colours. Ginny happily took a turquoise one from his palm and popped it into her mouth. She nodded her hands towards the pile, "It's safe! They aren't like Canary Creams or something- no physical side effects," she reassured and I slowly took a violet one and hesitantly placed it in my mouth.

The Cushion Chew, or whatever it was, tasted oddly like rubber. I made a face. "What is this? Rubber gum?"

"Rubber gum?" Fred looked aghast. "Of course not! Look at Ginny."

Ginny was in the middle of blowing a bubble, yet just as I thought the bubble would pop right in front of her face, the thing popped out of her mouth and glided gently onto the floor as a nice, transparent turquoise cushion seat. The redhead then proceeded by hopping onto the seat, and surprisingly the whole thing didn't collapse on her due to her weight. Surprised, I followed the demonstration and was soon seated next to Ginny on a transparent violet cushion.

"Five sickles for fifteen!" Fred added and pranced off again to attack other unknowing customers.

I sank further into my candy-made cushion, poking it absentmindedly. I realized how many people were in here, mostly young witches and wizards who were thoroughly enjoying themselves with the many strange trinkets in the store. I took a deep breath and collected myself. This was not a dream. This was too real to be a dream. I was lost in realization until I heard Ginny getting up from her cushion to greet somebody.

I looked up and paled.

Ron. Still as Ron as ever, with his hand intertwined with Luna's. Luna. I didn't understand the overwhelming wave of emotion I was feeling. What was this feeling anyway? I had to look away before I erupted with this sense of sadness, but I couldn't. I couldn't look away from Ron's moving mouth, saying something to Ginny about chicken legs and Luna looking as dazed as ever, dirty blonde hair in a high ponytail.

"Oooh, are you half Veela by any chance? Or maybe three quarters?"

I blinked back my shock when Luna's face was suddenly right in front of mine, her protuberant eyes shining with interest. She had let go of Ron's hand and was peering at me curiously. I managed to stutter back a reply, "No-no, I just have...really blonde hair," I finished awkwardly, incautiously running a few fingers through the said hair.

"Oh! Right, this is Hope," Ginny introduced and glanced at me with an unreadable expression.

I sucked in a breath and stood up from my cushion, feeling it pop beneath me. "Hi, I'm Hope," I greeted stiffly, mentally hitting myself. Of course I was Hope! Ginny just said so! I frowned inwardly and stuck out a hand, plastering a strained smile on my face.

Ron grinned and shook my hand quite energetically. "I'm Ron. Ginny's brother."

"I can tell," I said as normally as I could, searching his eyes for any sign of recognization but his eyes were oblivious to who was really standing before him.

He laughed and nodded, "And this is Luna, my wife."

Wife? The word rang in my head but I found myself smiling even wider and shaking Luna's hand. How many things had I missed out during my absence? Ron's wedding? The opening of WWW? What else? These thoughts flew around my head, but all the while I knew I shouldn't care. I had chose to leave. I wasn't welcomed to share these happy moments with these people around me. I was an outsider. And the realization suddenly hit hard somewhere near my chest.

Before I knew it, I was being pulled along by Ginny, followed by Ron and Luna. Somewhere along the process of being pulled, we were suddenly outside and the warm summer's sun was reflecting off the many glass windows of numerous stores. Diagon Alley. So many memories. So many familiar places. I swallowed, my dry throat feeling sandy. Ginny led us into the Leaky Cauldron and we sat ourselves at a table in the corner.

"Sprained a wrist," Ron's voice drifted to my ears. I was trying to listen, but my mind kept wandering. My eyes kept darting here and there, trying to familiarize myself with everything once again. But I knew somewhere in my mind, I was scared. Scared that someone was going to jump up from their seat and point an accusing finger at me and scream, "YOU!".

"Say, what day is it today?" Luna's dreamy voice suddenly lulled into my ears and I shifted my gaze back towards the three around me.

"June...twenty-first I think," Ginny replied thoughtfully.

Luna nodded slowly, a odd glimmer in her eyes as she continued, "June twenty-first, the day she left us four years ago."

The table fell silent. I knew I wasn't suppose to understand what they were saying, yet I could guess, and I didn't like my guess. I looked away uncomfortably as the silence grew as suffocating as all those people surrounding me back at Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. Luna had ordered breakfast and was currently prodding her bacon and eggs. She didn't seem the least bit disturbed by her revelation, then again, she was Luna.

"Four years..." Ron echoed and the happy expression on his face fell. "Wonder what happened to her."

Ginny was taking sudden interest at the fork placed before her, admiring its silver gleam. I simply felt like digging myself a hole and never come out of it again if my life depended on it. In fact, I wouldn't mind another ride on a Hippogriff if only to get out of the awkward position I was in at the moment.

"You know, the next issue of The Quibbler has an article on her," Luna pointed out ever so helpfully to my already screaming head. "Well, not solely on her. You know, the whole Bellatrix Lestrange and Hermione Granger issue? I think the article goes something along the lines of them being the same person! Isn't that neat?"

Something snapped. "That's dragon dung," I spat, all three heads turning to me wide-eyed. "So how does that explain Bellatrix and Hermione in the Department of Mysteries together at the same time?"

More stares. Ron's mouth was half-open before he managed to ask in astonishment, "How the bloody hell did you know that?"

I paled at my own words. Great, Hermione! Blowing your cover already! I bit my lip, trying my best not to be flustered and lose all sense of control. "I read," I stated steadily. "Books, you know, pages and words bound together? Yeah, books on Harry Potter and his shocking life adventures! If I do recall correctly, the whole Department of Mysteries ordeal happened in his...um sixth year I think?" I lied ever so smoothly. I thought I deserved a pat on the back.

"Fifth," Luna corrected. "Was I mentioned in the book? I was there, you know."

"Oh yes, I think you were! And you too," I turned to Ron. "Something about being attacked by squids."

"Brains," Ron muttered, shuddering at the memory.

Ginny coughed loudly just as Luna was about to ask more questions on this book revolving around Harry's adventures. "You know, I hear they have really good cheesecake here," Ginny piped up in a much too cheerful voice. "But of course, cheesecake in the morning is rather filling, isn't it?"

"No way! Never too filling," Ron insisted and waved over the waitress.

"So where did you study?" Luna asked expectantly as the topic of Bellatrix and I went out the window- thankfully. Yet with Luna's curious looks and eyes filled with interest, I felt like I was being interrogated. I stuttered and couldn't seem to keep my gaze on one spot or person.

"I-I went to--"

"She went to Salem's," Ginny answered for me. I let out a breath and silently thanked her. I hadn't prepared myself with a whole new biography and my usually calm and collected mind was nowhere near collected due to my surroundings and the emotions I was experiencing. Oh, if only everything was as easy as reading words off of a book and memorizing spells.

"Ah, yes, American witch," Luna stated brightly as Ron's cheesecake arrived. "So tell me, Hope, have you seen the Ogopogo? If I remember correctly, it inhabits some body of water in North America," she finished smartly and smiled at me. "Does it really look like a large scaly serpent? I wonder if it's related to Nessie--'

"Who's Nessie?" Ron asked with not the slight bit of interest in his voice for he was fervently attacking his cake with a fork, though he looked like he wanted to drop the darn cutlery and use his bare hands any second.

"Oh Ronald, this is the tenth time I've told you! The Loch Ness monster! Nessie!" Luna declared with such passion that several heads turned towards our direction. Strangely, I didn't mind the topic we were discussing as it was much better than chitchatting about Lestrange and myself. "Anyway, don't mind him," Luna added absentmindedly. "He thinks they don't exist," she lowered her voice as if it were the deepest sin to not believe in fifty feet long sea creatures.

"Oh, well, yes! Ogopogo is it? Yes, I've heard many stories about him, or her," I added hastily. "Lots of magical friends that love visiting him, but I've personally never seen this fascinating creature before," I blabbered on and was amazed by my own brains.

Or lack, thereof.

But I was pumped up and determined not to let our topic wander back to dangerous grounds and so Luna and I had a nice long thirty-minute conversation on mythical sea creatures that I didn't know anything about. I was a believer of more logical things. I was a thinker. And Luna was a dreamer. Hence, our conversation was a jumble of garbage that made no sense to Ginny nor Ron (not that he minded since he was very much occupied).

I nodded for the umpteenth time while Luna went on about sugar pixies and how dangerous they were until someone's presence interrupted, much to my delight.

"Oh look, happy little gathering here."

This voice was all too familiar. The haughty, cold, sneering face of Draco Malfoy gloated down upon me as he stood proudly before us in sleek, clean robes of black clasped together by a shiny silver pendant molded in the shape of a serpent. He looked quite like the Malfoy in my memories, though his hair was longer and didn't glisten like a bucket of oil had been dumped upon his blonde head.

I glanced towards the others at the table, wondering if they would jump up and start shooting insults at Malfoy. Yet surprisingly, Ginny rolled her eyes and conjured up a spare seat for our former Slytherin enemy.

"We were talking about sugar pixies," Luna explained helpfully.

Draco raised an eyebrow and smirked, turning to Ron, "Your wife didn't take her medicine today, huh?"

"Sod off, Malfoy," Ron grunted and swallowed forcefully, sending an icy glare towards the gray-eyed young man.

At least some things didn't change, I thought sullenly as the group engaged in conversation that I did not fully understand once again. My thoughts wandered, and I really knew things had changed. Malfoy and the Weasleys, sitting at the same table, talking about the daughter of someone's friend's sister. I sighed and wondered why I was sitting here, doing nothing. Wasn't I here to fix things? I wasn't being very productive was I?

"Hey, you, I asked you who you were."

Malfoy was peering at me with suspicious eyes while Ginny jabbed him in the shoulder with irritation. "Don't be so rude!"

"Hope, Ginny's overseas friend," I chanted automatically and decided that I could get use to this whole new biography thing. Maybe I could think up some long dead siblings and pet cats, just to make my life seem more colourful. "I've got a pet cat," I mumbled dully and flushed when I realized I had said it aloud.

"Cats!" Ron hissed. "They're just as bad as spiders! Well, not that bad, but bad! I remembered when Scabbers was helplessly attacked by Crook-" he instantly shut up and silence fell like a cloak around us until I bravely decided to break the spell.

"Cats are nice creatures," I stated as calmly as I could, shaking my head mentally and knowing that old habits really were hard to get rid of- one being bickering with Ron.

"Nice!" Ron stared at me incredulously. "Them and coughing up fur balls all over the place..."

"Well you wouldn't know what it feels like to get one stuck would you?" I snapped.

Ginny frowned and made a move to stand up. "Well, we've been here long enough, haven't we? Hope," she looked at me purposefully, "you'll be coming to my place won't you?" It seemed more like a statement then a question but I nodded nonetheless. She smiled and bade goodbye to the rest, me echoing along (embarrassed by my sudden outburst) until we were stopped by Malfoy. I fumed inwardly. I was longing to get out of the tension filled room.

"Ginny," he called out, and I had to stare in awe. Ginny. First name and all. I had definitely missed something. "Potter says there's no meeting tonight. Guess it has something to do with the fact that he's in New York, that idiot."

I could feel Ginny tense up beside me, though I did not know why. "Yeah, okay," she mumbled stiffly and led the way out of the Leaky Cauldron.

"Since when was Malfoy all buddy buddy with everyone?" I asked with curiousity.

"Since...since you left I guess," Ginny answered listlessly and sighed with a distant expression on her face. I looked at her questioningly, but she seemed too preoccupied with her thoughts. I shifted my gaze to stare at the familiar stores, a sudden feeling of peace calming my nervous and squelching stomach.

"Oh! Right, I have a meeting to go to soon, so I won't be able to bring you home physically," Ginny's sudden voice caused me to jump slightly as she handed me what looked like a rubber ball. "This Portkey activates at noon and it'll take you directly back to my home. I think I've clean things up and if it's still a bit messy, bare with me," she looked around her as if it were a crime to hand me a rubber ball. "Your room is the one at the end of the main hallway upstairs, it's real easy to find." She rocked on the balls of her feet and I had an odd sort of feeling that she was flustered.

"Is everything okay?" I dared to ask.

She nodded a bit too enthusiastically. "Well! Just excited that you're really back you know? Oh, and don't wait up for me. I expect I'll be somewhat late."

Before I could ask her what meeting she was attending, as it obviously wasn't an Order meeting, she had disappeared with a gentle crack. I glanced at the spot where Ginny had been standing just moments ago and then down at the blue rubber ball grasped in my palm. I shrugged slightly and took a good look at my surroundings.

The many witches and wizards swarming about in an assortment of coloured robes and pointed hats finally sank in.

"Hello missy, would you like some Sneezewort?"

I smiled at the witch holding out a large green bag and shook my head. It was real; I was home.

The sun had set long ago, and I was pacing in the guestroom of Ginny's home at eleven thirty with nothing to do but worry, wonder, worry, and worry a bit more. Now that I was here, I did not know what to do. Where was I to start in the whole mess of things? It was like a ball of tangled yarn and I couldn't find the beginning of it, and it frustrated me beyond belief that I could not think of any sort of plan or go to the library and pluck out a "How to Fix Your Deranged Life" book. And the sense of being alone made it seem all the more confusing.

Ginny still wasn't back. I wondered where she had fled off to. It was a mighty long meeting that she was at, as it was almost past twelve hours of her absence. I had unpacked all my things and even decided to arrange all the bookshelves in the house in alphabetical order. What could I do? I had nothing better to do. I had no inspiration to do anything more productive and nothing was enlightening me on what to do about my life at the present moment.

I groaned and jumped onto my new bed, taking in the scent of laundry and the smell of spring flowers. Ginny had really outdone herself with my room, filling three bookshelves full of books, some my favourite tales from long ago while some were unknown titles that I was longing to read. The simple thought of just sitting down to read was giving me a sort of warm feeling in the pit of stomach. Then my thoughts ran again.

I needed a job, didn't I? I had to support myself here too. I couldn't just lay around on bed all day, wasting away and waiting for that enlightening moment where I would jump up and know what to do with this life. I sat up again, determined to not warm the bed sheets and walked purposefully out of the room and down the stairs.

I still had to marvel at how large Ginny's home was. And by the looks of things, she was living alone.

The vast space and emptiness made me shiver, and I suddenly missed Penny's shrieking and blaring music. Penny. Maybe I could write a letter to her now. I stood in wonder at the bottom of the stairs, realizing I hadn't brought any writing utensils with me except for an old quill- and I didn't have parchment either. I raised an eyebrow at my own organization and decided that the den would be a nice place to look for such needed things.

Of course, it took me another five minutes to locate the den, and when I did, I could tell that Ginny rarely set foot in here as the room still smelled strongly of pine or oak- some sort of wood. The floorboards creaked under my weight and I hesitantly went towards the mahogany desk. A couple pieces of scrap parchment with numbers and names, a few gum wrappers, pumpkin pie crumbs, and a dieing plant met my gaze. I bit my lip and flipped under a stack of old Witch Weekly magazines until something caught my eye at the very bottom of the pile.

At first glance, I had to look again. And at first thought, I thought this person was dead.

To Mrs. Potter.

My breath caught and I looked underneath the envelope.

Dear Mrs. Potter. We cordially invite you go the annual festival of lights....

Mrs. Potter, we are mailing to remind you that your subscription to The Quibbler is about to expire....

A couple random pages from newspapers, namely the Daily Prophet, was underneath the stack of mail addressed to a Mrs Potter. My heart was racing, my fingers acting on instinct as they held up one loose page from the Daily Prophet dated four years back. A picture of Harry looking rather glum and moody blinked back at me as he paced back and forth, not wanting to meet the reader's eye.

JG: How are you dealing with the lost of your guardian, Remus Lupin?
HP: I'm coping. I have friends that I treat as family that are helping me. It has hit me hard, and sometimes, I wonder why I never noticed anything.

JG: You are referring to the unexpected betrayal of Granger?
HP: ...I guess. It was just unexpected. I guess we were blind, maybe I should have noticed long before anything happened...

JG: Do you blame yourself?
HP: Do I have to answer that?

JG: No, of course not. So what hit harder? Remus Lupin's death or Hermione Granger's real identity?
HP: ...How do you answer that? One was your only father figure, one your longtime girlfriend. Yet seeing someone you love kill another person you love is insane. I will admit that it's something that will haunt my dreams and I hope no one will have to live through something like that.

JG: Right, is there any advice for us out there that don't want to go through such a shock?
HP: Advice? Don't trust women? -laughs- I don't know, just don't be unaware of those close by you. They tend to be the ones that will hurt you in the end.

JG: Well, thank you for your time and how much is the current prize for finding this new famed Death Eater?
HP: 10,000 galleons at the moment.

And this encloses our latest interview with the-boy-who-lived, which has just recently been struck with tragedy once again...

I tore my gaze away from the article, willing myself not to rip the damn piece of paper into a trillion pieces. They tend to be the ones that will hurt you in the end, a nagging voice echoed and jeered. I laughed with disbelief. And he was one to say this? 10,000 galleons...Such a careless way of saying it, as if it were the price of an expensive broomstick or something as unimportant. Something inside of me flared furiously.

How dare he. And suddenly I couldn't help but throw the article on the wooden floor and stomp on it forcefully, the tinkling of the shaking chandelier in the living room next door drifting to my ears. I didn't care if the whole goddamn thing fell and crashed onto the floor. I was mad. I was frustrated. And I felt childish.

I stopped myself, and bent down with shaking hands to pick up this innocent piece of paper. It was wrinkled now, but the picture Harry didn't seem to have noticed the sudden damage inflicted upon his black and white surrounding. I tucked it underneath the Mrs. Potter letters and dared myself to take a quick glimpse at another article. This one dated two years back and once again, he was on the front page...

The Famous Boy Wizard, Harry Potter, Married!

Yes, the rumours are true and they've been flying around for the past few months. The-boy-who-lived recently got himself married, reports Anna Kingsway of the Daily Prophet.

A small wedding was held with only a handful of guests due to the young man's wishes. He does not want anything out of the ordinary to happen, so he says. The wizarding world knows the many tragedies that the young man has lived through, and only in the short span of twenty years. The most recent incident is the infamous murder of his guardian by his long time best friend and love, Hermione Granger. When asked about his feeling towards this topic, he simply states that those who do wrong will get what is coming for them.

And the rumours were true! The lucky and proud bride is Ginevra Weasley, younger sister of Ronald Weasley, Harry Potter's childhood best friend. When asked about her feelings towards the wedding, Mrs. Potter beams and replies, "I think it all started with a Basilisk." This we all know refers to the incident a few years back at Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardy, when the rumoured Chamber of Secrets was opened...

Somehow, I had found myself sitting on the ground, quite dazed by the sudden turn of events. I suddenly felt like I was evading someone's privacy, reading someone else's mail...but this was the Daily Prophet. Everybody read the Daily Prophet . But why did I feel like I wasn't suppose to know what everyone else was allowed to know? Why did I feel like I was suppose to be kept in the dark while everyone around me knew that Ginny Weasley was not only that, but Ginny Weasley Potter ? The name had a nice ring to it, I admitted while mechanically tucking away the Daily Prophet. But I felt something twisting my innards. Ginny, his wife. Maybe it would have been easier to accept it if had been Cho Chang or anybody. But Ginny? And she hadn't said a word. But of course, I should have known by now that people around me were excellent liars.

I hadn't bothered to finish reading the article, but I could basically guess the contents of happy marriage and more hatred aimed towards the very wickedly evil me. An image of myself in a traditional black pointy witch hat and a bubbling cauldron flashed through my mind and I had a sudden urge to cackle. Just to add to the image. But I refrained from being a complete nutcase and pulled myself up from my position on the ground just as the doorbell chimed loudly in the awfully silent house.

Did Ginny forget her keys? She could always apparate, but then again there were probably some sort of anti-apparating charms over her home. After all, she was the great Harry Potter's wife and was most likely targeted if any dark witches and wizards were about. I rolled my eyes and wondered who would be visiting, or if Ginny really did forget her keys. And it was midnight no less.

Running a hand quickly through my long mane of hair for no reason whatsoever, I finally found myself grasping the silver knob and unlocking the front door. And who would have guessed! The person I was least wanting to see at the moment had decided to pop by looking grumpy and disheveled- and I nearly had a heart attack.

"Gin?"

I stared, not moving from my position in front of the door which meant I was not allowing him to enter. "She's not home at the moment. Do you want to leave a message?" I smacked myself mentally. We weren't having a phone call for goodness sakes.

Harry Potter stumbled a bit, almost knocking into me if I hadn't reacted fast enough to step back. He grasped the doorframe with one hand and leaned all his weight towards it. My anger that had erupted minutes ago seemed to flare at seeing the source of my madness right in front of me, his gaze not focused and his hair messier then usual. I hated how he seemed to look so goddamn perfect when everything else in the world was so tattered and flawed. I hated all his past promises and words. I hated myself for believing anything he ever said to me.

"Gin," he repeated and it took all my willpower not to shove him right out the door and into the chilly night air. I shivered just as a breeze blew in, carrying the scent of violets and magnolias from the front garden.

"Look, she's not home," I replied, looking anywhere but in his direction, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"Hermione."

My eyes instantly shot back towards him, and he stumbled again and I made an odd sort of shrieking noise as his hands landed firmly on my shoulders, holding me in place as his glazed eyes finally landed on my face. His touch was like fire melting ice, my heart racing with fright and frustration, my mind screaming for me to do something. What could I do? Should I kick him? Should I scream for help?

But this was...Harry. I shook my head fervently, ridding myself of stupid thoughts. "Potter. Let. Go. Of. Me," I managed to stutter as I sent him a glare that could kill. He was not about to talk bad about me and then touch me like nothing was wrong. I felt sick. I took in a breath, and it was then that the smell of alcohol wafted to my nose, noticeably drifting from him.

"Oh great," I sighed in exasperation as he made no attempt to remove his hands. "You're drunk," stating this out loud made me realize what a horrible situation I was in; here in the same house, alone, with a person that hated me and that I hated too. And he just had to be drunk.

This was definitely an exciting first night back, wasn't it?

"Her-my-oh-knee," he called out slowly, his voice slurred and his left hand left my shoulder to touch my hair. I shook, and it was then that I realized by hair was frizzy again. I mentally cursed. Six hours were almost up and the potion was wearing off. Hopefully he was drunk enough not to notice that I was slowly morphing into his worst nightmare.

When his right hand left my other shoulder, I took this chance to step back, and this time, I made sure I was far, far, away from reach.

"You shouldn't be here," I said very slowly, and pointed firmly towards the open front door.

"Gin?" He mumbled and walked off. Further into the house.

I groaned. What on earth was I going to do?


AN: Am I evil for leaving you guys here? Oh right, and you must be wondering why Harry's all of a sudden back in London. Well, he's a wizard, what can I say? He can fly, he can poof and appear, he can go ride a Thestral and get back for all we care. He'll mention something about leaving New York in the next chapter if you're wondering. Hum, anyway, a few new facts and complications in this chapter. Woo, this is one big mess isn't it? Aren't we all getting dizzy? Hehe, welpz stick with me and I'll try to update quickly, well, as quickly as a school filled life will allow. Thanks so much for the support, it keeps me working at this fic =P

AN: Dun Dun Dun! And the first H/Hr scene (somewhat) in the story. Of course, it doesn't get very far due to the situations present in the story. Anyway, I first must apologize for my slow updates due to school and extra activities tying me down. I swear I have never been so busy in my life, and yes, how busy can a little 15-year-old girl get you may ask. But somehow, I haven't even found time to un-dust the keyboard and mouse of my computer. That is saying something. Anyway, thank you so much for the wonderful reviews regarding the previous chapter and when I finally found time to get online again, it made me smile- a long overdue smile.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters belong to JKR

Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

--Everytime, Britney Spears


The door shut behind me, my fingers numbly locking the door. What else could I do? I couldn't leave the door open and wait for the numerous flies to buzz in. But then again, that idea sounded appealing as I wouldn't be left alone in a big, empty, suddenly eerie house with him . I shut my eyes, the lack of sleep finally catching up to me as I stifled a yawn. I had been awake for eighteen hours and the guestroom bed was calling out to me as I took a breath and stretched out my arms.

Maybe I could just avoid him while he did whatever he was doing in the house. After all, he was Ginny's husband. The thought made something inside of me twinge. I didn't know what to call this feeling and all I knew was that I wanted it to go away. It made me feel vulnerable, it made me feel weak, and I quickly dismissed the odd falling feeling of my insides squirming. But if they were married, how come they didn't live in the same house? Or maybe I just hadn't explored enough to find any of his possessions amongst the many feminine things visible in the hallway and living room.

A loud crash brought me jumping out of my skin. My eyes darted frantically from the front door to the dark depths of the house. Suddenly, an innocent house seemed foreboding and I had to brace myself as I stepped further in, turning around the corner and into the kitchen to see him nearly sprawled right on the dining table. I bit my lip, trying to calm my racing heart as I crept over and bent down, intent on cleaning up the knocked over fruit bowl and only that. Afterwards, I would leave and he could go walk into a wall and I would try to find Ginny. Fast.

But my plan did not get any further than putting the banana back into the purple glass bowl, because he had somehow managed to get himself off the table and was heading off again. My brow furrowed and I picked up the pace of putting fruit in bowl, placing it forcefully on the glass table to hurry onto his next destination before he broke something- permanently.

"Four...four..."

I found him at the top of the stairs, mumbling to himself, running a hand absentmindedly through his wild hair which exposed his scar briefly. Painful memories flashed through my mind, but I didn't have time for stupid, worthless memories. Fingers tracing his scar, feather-like kisses, whispered promises, sweet fantasies of pure bliss...I shook my head ruefully, ashamed that I could still remember such things that were all pitiful lies. Maybe they had all been illusions I created up for myself, maybe he never did say those three sacred words, maybe he never touched my hair like he was stroking fine silk. All illusions.

"Hermione, why?"

And then he was off down the hallway again.

I discarded my thoughts, hoping I could turn the key and lock them firmly in the deepest corners of my brain. I headed up the stairs, determined to be Hope, Ginny's overseas friend, and nothing but Hope. I looked from left to right, not seeing him in the dimly lighted hallway. This wasn't a good sign. It meant he was probably in one of the rooms.

My lips parted to call out to him, but nothing came out. I couldn't call out to him. I didn't know why, but my throat had gone dry. It was like calling his name would be calling him back to me. I didn't want him back. He could stay in his happy, perfect life with his beautiful wife. It meant nothing to me anyway.

My feet carried me away from the top of the stairs, off towards the end of the hallway and past the snoozing portraits of various famous Quidditch players. One of them was muttering rather loudly about bloody Snitches and I was momentarily caught up in another wave of memories. The way my heart would die every time he flew. The times he would go into a dive and I would be sure this was the dive that would kill him. But he never did die. He always came up, grinning, holding the tiniest ball on the Quidditch pitch triumphantly...

I found myself in my room. Well, the room Ginny had prepared for me. I looked up and had to groan in disbelief.

"Hermione?" He mumbled like an innocent, lost child on the edge of my bed. He had his head in his hands, shaking it now and then, and I couldn't help but approach with a softer heart, the former frown of agitation on my face gone and replaced with a neutral expression. I couldn't have soft feelings. This was the man that stabbed the knife in my heart. This was the man that left me with illusions.

I crouched down slowly, trying to get a good look at his face which he was doing a good job at hiding. Yet suddenly, his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. It was such a tight hold that I gasped, wanting to pull away but I was stuck. I couldn't move. Had he placed a charm upon me to make me immobile? Or was I simply dazed at the sudden green orbs piercing into my soul...reading my thoughts, my fears, my doubts. Could he see it all?

"You..."

I watched him, fearfully. I was being stupid. Of course he couldn't see into me. He was damn drunk and it would be surprising if he knew what one plus one was. But still, the atmosphere was tense and I was hung on apprehension. He said something, but nothing came out of his mouth. His eyes narrowed and he repeated, "You..."

"Yes...?" I found myself asking breathlessly, my mouth moving on its own in a voice that was so different to my ears.

"You..." he knitted his brow, as if he couldn't remember something. His grip tightened, but I couldn't feel a thing. I had gone numb long ago. "Killed."

"No. I didn't," it came out before I could stop it. It rushed out like a crashing wave, breaking all barriers. He wasn't going to accuse me. He didn't have the right. "I didn't. Do you understand? I didn't kill him--"

"Me," he gasped and let go of my wrist, a ring of red encircling where his grasp had once been. But I didn't care. He was pulling at his hair now, and I knew he was going through some sort of a horrible headache. He leaned back and groaned, landing on the bed in defeat. I felt myself trembling as I found myself going towards him, his scent still as unique as ever. One hand reached out towards him, the other wanting to pull it back. Neither listened to my screaming head, and I found myself brushing back the hair in his eyes, revealing his scar as visible as ever against his pale and clammy skin.

"Pardon?" My voice trembled.

"You killed me," he said so clearly that for a moment I thought he wasn't drunk. That it had been an act and he was wide awake, seeing me as me, with my ever so bushy hair and plain features. But when he sat up groggily, leaning over to vomit all over the carpet, I knew it had only been a moment of clarity. Just one moment, when he knew what to say.

To say I killed him.

I shook my head, something was stinging at my eyes. Something was rolling down my cheeks, something foreign, something that tasted salty at the tip of my tongue. I reached out to him as he coughed. I automatically reached for my wand on the night table and conjured up a glass of water. Everything was a blur through my eyes and I wasn't quite sure why.

"Water," I managed to say, holding the glass to him.

He didn't seem to get it; he just shook his head, leaning against the backboard of the bed. I sat myself nearby, placing the cool rim of the glass on his slightly swollen lips. I tilted my head, watching him like a stranger as he took the glass and downed the liquid in one swallow. He paused, staring down at the cup and suddenly, his eyes flashed and he threw it against the wall.

It shattered.

I jumped in surprise.

"Why?" He muttered loudly, his shirt a mess and his eyes so bleary. "Why'd-you-do-it." He looked up, pointed a finger at me, and let his arm drop to his side again.

I was only recovering from the sudden noise of shattering glass and his words made no sense to me. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I could only pray that Ginny would come home soon. "Do what?" I whispered hoarsely and flicked my wand carelessly at the carpet, muttering Scourgify .

"Leave," he said simply, his eyes widening in a way that made him look very much awake again. "You left. Me. You killed. Me. Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I not love you enough? Did I not bring you the warmth that I should have?" He rambled on, his eyes focusing on me, all the while shaking his head as if he couldn't believe something. "I could have found you, I could have. I have the power," he threw an arm up in the air as if lightning and thunder would crash down upon us if he did so. "I could have sent...sent Hedwig, she'd find you. Find you...but I didn't want it. I could. But I didn't. I could...but I didn't..."

"Why?" I asked shakily. "You hate me," the words were flowing out of me without control. I wanted to know so many things, I had so many questions.

"...I don't know," he mumbled the three words in a slur. "Strange...just couldn't," he declared as his head lolled to one side, "unlike her." He had suddenly switched to calling me in third person, but I didn't really catch that. "Bloody killed him...saw her do it...looked over at me when she did it...never forget that look--"

"But I didn't," I whispered fiercely, but I knew it was no use. I could have screamed at the wall.

He continued as if I hadn't interrupted, "She was so beautiful," his eyes widened abruptly, then drooped slightly again. "Pink...really light pink robes...beautiful," his held tilted towards me and I forgot about him being drunk as he reached out to me, one hand caressing my cheek, shivers racking my spine, breathing becoming unnecessary. Then as fast as it had happened, his had recoiled and his head lolled away again.

I sucked in a shaky breath, running a hand through my bushy hair and realized I was drenched in my own cold sweat. My feet wobbled as I stood up, stepping into the adjoining bathroom to grab a few towels. I couldn't remember how I found them or where I got a spare overly large T-shirt, but they were in my hands when I sat down in front of him again, looking at his face that was peaceful. He was asleep. No worry in his eyes. No fury. No sadness. Nothing. I think I liked it better this way. Him sleeping silently and me watching just as quietly.

Was this a dream? If it was, maybe it was better this way. In a fantasy world where we could fix things...but I didn't want to fix things. Why should I fix things? He was the one that didn't believe in me. I clutched at the towels, my knuckles turning a ghastly white. But if this were a dream, it would be okay, right? I could lie to myself here and pretend that everything was okay. That all those hateful words he had said in the newspapers weren't real. That those beautiful emerald gems hadn't stared at me with utter hatred. That I wasn't alone.

I reached out, the darkness of the night surrounding us like a shroud, hiding us from prying eyes. No one could see us here. No one could ruin anything now. We were in our dream. Just him and I. Nothing could touch us. Not even the angels or the demons that were after us. I gently dabbed the towel on his pale, handsome face. Sleep, I thought dazedly. Everything will be okay...

My fingers danced around the buttons of his blouse, clinging onto his sweat coated body. I worked mechanically, efficiently. Only once did my hands pause, hovering above his lean chest, rising and falling gently with each breath. I was tempted to lean forward. To hear his heart beating next to me, echoing endlessly in my ear. But something held me back. I couldn't tell what it was. Maybe it was something warning me that if I came too close to him, I would wake up from this dream and never visit it again.

It frightened me and instead I hurried to help him slip on the T-shirt. He groaned, turning over and grasping my hands in his. A small smile fell across his face, and forgetting who it was, I thought it was the most beautiful thing on earth. I was transfixed, mesmerized by the innocent and childish look upon his features. He pulled my hands towards his cheek. He was mumbling in his sleep, his grip slowly going loose as he truly fell into the land of dreams.

"Someday," I heard him mumble. "Someday...we'll hold hands...and fall together..."

When the sun rose and shone through the many windows of the house, lighting up dusty corners and hidden nooks, I squinted and tried to turn away from the invading light. Yet wherever I turned, the sun seemed to find me and I could not hide. Reluctantly I opened my eyes, blurred from sleep and tears. The soreness of my bottom and the numbness I felt on one arm made me miserable, and I had to wonder why on earth I had fallen asleep outside of my room against the door.

My back screamed for something soft and wonderful like a bed. I got up, stretching out my back and arms, trying to get some circulation running. I had the oddest dream last night, the most surreal dream that I knew would never happen in reality whether it be a thousand years or a lifetime. I shook my head, grinning at my own idiocy of dreaming about him. And a happy dream at that. Well, a somewhat happy dream. In fact, it was rather a confusing dream...but it was a much better one then the one of him staring at me with those cold eyes, pointing a finger at me, and screaming 'Get her'.

I yawned and opened the door to my room only to catch myself gaping at the body tangled up in bed sheets on my bed. I instantly jumped out of the room, nearly slamming the door behind me but catching myself just before it clicked shut. I was abruptly awake, as if I had been awake for the past few hours.

"What on earth," I muttered out loud and opened the door again, peeking in. I groaned and shut it once more. "Oh god," I shook my head in disbelief, pacing in the hallway and wondering what on earth had gone on. So it hadn't been a dream? I had really...really watched until he fell asleep? I had really felt those emotions of longing, pain, and sadness? It wasn't a silly dream?

"This is great Hermione, great," I scolded myself fiercely, wanting so much to run into the opposite wall and wake myself up for good. What had I been thinking, being so close to him? What if he wasn't drunk? What if he was acting? The same old deal...the portrait of Maria Falda grinned down at me from her perch next to a pot of lilies. "So how was it dear?" She waggled her eyebrows.

I groaned loudly, throwing my arms up in utter astonishment at my own actions. I had been so careful before. I had tread everywhere so cautiously and yet while he was in the same room as I, I seemed to have lost all control. I took a deep breath and crossed my arms tightly in front of my chest. It could have been worst, I piped hopefully to myself. I could have jumped into that darn bed with him and then things would have gotten real bad, I nodded, convincing myself.

I took another deep breath and opened the door to my bedroom, tearing my eyes away from the still sleeping Harry. He's sleeping in your bedroom! A voice sang loudly in my muddled mind. Shut up! I hollered mentally and opened my closet, pushing aside folded shorts to reach for my hidden vials of appearance potion. I glanced at the mirror briefly, taking in my normal appearance of brown eyes and bushy hair with slightly smaller lips. As I shut the closet behind me, I could not help but look over my shoulder and wonder.

What if I took this dream one step further? What if I waited until he woke up, crystal clear about his surroundings, and sat in front of him- as me. Just plain old me. I gaped at my reflection in the mirror, staring in horror at the thought that had just run through my head. What was I thinking? This was Harry Potter! I sighed and stomped hard on old desires, taking the contents of the vial and tipping it into my mouth. It was funny how goals and thoughts could change so drastically when he was present, in flesh, just a few feet away.

I laughed softly- hollowly, watching as my appearance changed from bushy to sleek, from brown to clear blue. Fantasies were for children naive enough to believe. Me, being someone who had experienced what I had, should know that fantasies were rubbish and that you could depend on nobody but yourself. Harry Potter had been one of those fantasies. So wonderful to believe in, so magical and surreal that when I fell, I fell hard.

"Where am I?"

The voice took me out of my thoughts and back towards him. He was sitting up slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he shook his head once. He hissed, clutching at his head. "Damn, what the hell is going on?"

I was about to lecture him on not drinking so much when I realized it was not my place to. I was Hope, a stranger to him. I plastered a fake smile on my face and hopped towards him. "Hi," I began in a very cheerful morning voice. "I'm Hope."

He squinted at me, rubbing his forehead occasionally before soaking in the appearance of the room. "Hope?"

"Yes," I nodded slowly, thinking fast. "Ginny's friend."

He didn't seem to bother listening though as he got up quickly, then briefly looked down at the baggy forest green T-shirt that he was wearing. "Isn't this mine?" He asked out loud.

I blinked, "I wouldn't know...I think I found it...somewhere," I waved a hand towards the bathroom and inwardly laughed. Of course his clothing would be at Ginny's house. Why was I so surprised?

"Explain," he stated without a hint of any emotion.

I had to stare, something along the emotion of anger wanting to escape. "What?"

"Explain," he repeated, noticeably frustrated. "I don't normally sleep in a foreign room and wake up in foreign surroundings."

"Okay, okay," I stepped back instinctively as if he would jump on me any second. I couldn't erase the frown that had graced my lips though, yet half of me was relieved he didn't remember anything whatsoever. "You were drunk--"

"No I wasn't," he muttered and he looked away, suddenly in deep thought. "Took the floo network...arrived late...did a few things..."

"You were drunk," I repeated firmly, taking a breath to calm myself, "and came to Ginny's house calling for...Ginny," I caught myself but he eyed me suspiciously. "And well, Ginny wasn't home and you ended up teetering your way into this bedroom," I decided to leave out the fact that this was my room. "Then you just slept like a rock!" I grinned so widely that it hurt my face to be so screwed up in fake joy. I hated this.

He stared at me doubtfully, his eyes so piercing. It was as if he were examining me to see if I was lying. I realized I hadn't explained how his blouse morphed into the T-shirt, but how was I suppose to explain that? I fidgeted nervously on the spot until his eyes left me to travel towards the door. I followed his gaze...

"Ginny," Harry called, but Ginny had an unreadable expression on her face as she spun around on her heels from her position by the open door. The thudding of her footsteps going downstairs rang throughout the house and I suddenly felt numb again. I felt Harry run by me, a brief blow of wind, and he was out the door. Running after her.

I found myself following after their footsteps like a lost puppy, looking for its owner. I found myself clutching my hands together as I heard their voices ringing from the den just a few meters away.

"Look Gin, I woke up--"

"Why are you explaining?" Ginny's strained voice questioned while she laughed briefly. "You don't need to explain Harry."

"But you seem to have misunderstood--"

"You never seem to care about how I feel anyway, do you?" She snapped and I heard the rustling of paper. "What makes this any different? In fact, I'm rather surprised you're not gone yet."

"...You're not making sense--"

"Oh you know what I'm talking about," Ginny muttered in a raised voice. "Always running off and coming again, running off, and coming again. You never stay for more then a few minutes. You never ask me how I feel about this-this fucked up relationship we're in. You're never here anyway and you know what? I really don't care!"

"Fine! If you don't care then why are you all worked up about nothing?!"

"I just want you to know that what you're doing is not okay!" Ginny shouted back. "I haven't said anything about your behavior, but it doesn't mean it's right. You're always treating people like garbage nowadays, even your close friends. Ron, remember who he is? Neville? We're human you know--"

"Why are we discussing this?" Harry shot back defiantly.

"Because this is enough Harry," Ginny's voice had lowered, now just a feeble sound I could barely make out. "I'm not saying this for my own selfish reasons. I just want you to be a better person, Harry. You have to stop acting so inhuman or else you're going to push everyone away--"

"So what? It's my life isn't it? I can go jump off a bridge if I want to and it'd be none of your business!"

"There you go again! It's never anyone's business! Haven't you ever thought that we care about you!?"

"Care about me? Ha, there's a laugh! Who believes in caring about each other? All that shit doesn't exist Ginny. It's just a facade, a little act that human beings like to create and think up. I'm through with caring, and loving, and my goddamn head is killing me!"

"Blame yourself and your careless drinking!"

"I can do what I want you know--"

"You're being immature, childish, and impossible. I've had enough of this conversation--"

"You were the one that started it," came his stubborn tone laced with anger.

"Yes, and I guess I was hoping for too much to think maybe you'd actually talk to me. And I know Hope and you have nothing going on, but then again, why should I care? It's your life isn't it?"

Silence. I waited in stalk silence, I couldn't move. Suddenly, Harry was storming out of the den, his eyes never reaching me as he tore open the front door and walked out of the house without another word to Ginny. What was I suppose to do now? I didn't have to decide though as Ginny had left the den and was looking at me worriedly, a weak smile on her face.

"See? He's a mess."

I could only nod while Ginny glanced at the still open front door with a sigh. "Sorry I came home this late. I actually just got back thirty minutes ago," she looked awfully tired, with black eye bags and pale lips. "Harry...Harry came by last night?"

I nodded again and uncomfortably shifted my weight onto my other foot. "Look, he was drunk and he fell asleep in my room of all places--"

"No, no it's okay," Ginny held up a hand as it to silence me. "I told Harry not to explain, and I'll ask you to do the same thing. I really don't care," she paused and glanced at me, suddenly realizing something. "You...you know?"

I knew what she meant and I nodded again. I felt like one of those bobbing head figurines that Muggles placed in their cars. Ginny paled and fell silent. I smiled, though it felt awfully strained on my face. "No, it's okay. See, I don't need you to explain either. I really don't care," I echoed and laughed until I noticed that Ginny was not going to laugh along any time soon.

"Hermione--"

"No really," I insisted, trying in vain to keep my gaze steady. "You know, I don't know what got into me. I guess it was just...instinctive to help him. He was such a mess last night, and I couldn't just leave him vomiting all over the place," as I spoke these words, I decided that it was just that. I had been sympathetic to his state last night. He had been an utter mess and what could you expect me to do? Leave him sprawled around the house? Yes, there were no personal feelings involved. And if there was, he should be thankful that I didn't take a knife and stab him into the next century.

"I should have told you myself," Ginny muttered, rubbing her temple. "Now you must think I hid it from you purposely or--"

"No! No, of course not. I guess it would be awkward to confess such a thing. I wouldn't be able to," I said truthfully, but a part of me did feel the familiar bitter taste of betrayal. "Maybe I shouldn't have come...Harry and you, arguing and all."

"It's not you, he's always like that," Ginny confessed with a frustrated frown. "He really needs you. You're good for him--"

It was my turn to hold up a hand, shaking my head. "Do you even realize what you're saying? He's your husband and you're acting as if you aren't," I paused and sighed. "You can help him. You're his wife after all," I looked away, wincing at my own words. Wife. "Me? I'd just...kill him," I whispered under my breath and turned to head up the stairs again. I was silently thankful when Ginny did not call me back, except yell up one last sentence.

"He's not always this bad. It's just that...well, yesterday was the twenty-first of June."

I was about to ask her what was so significant about that day until Luna's voice rang clearly in my mind.

" June twenty-first, the day she left us four years ago. "

And when I reached the landing at the top of the stairs, the shadow of his figure flashed before me. I could see his eyes, brilliant green and always so mesmerizing. I could see him so close, just in my imagination, a finger away. But then he turned, slowly, and walked away from me.

It was then that the tears came. I didn't know why. Maybe I was waking up again, reality hitting me hard. I was broken, confused, and alone.

Utterly alone.



Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me...




AN: And old feelings just won't act as if they've never existed...It's possible, really. You think you really hate this person into your next life or something and yet when you see this person, something just won't go away. Sorry once again for the slow, slow updates but real life is killing. Next week is going to be one hell of a busy week so don't expect anything new popping up. Sadly =( Welpz, thanks for reading and review away!
Oh, and someone seems to have figured out what I attempted to hint at you guys before. Chocolate frogs and pumpkin pasties for her! =P