Broken

Sundari Harmony

Rating: PG
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 19/09/2004
Last Updated: 19/09/2004
Status: completed

"I don't feel right when you're gone"

Chapters

1. Broken

1. Broken

A/N: You guys want to know what's sad? This is the date that I signed in my notebook when I finished: August 12, 2004, 4:48(4:40) am. -Sue "Sundari Harmony"

It was actually 4:40 because my clock is 8 minutes fast ... I wrote that in my notebook, I'm so weird. I took that long to actually type the stupid fic up *shakes head* Pathetic.

Disclaimer-Anything you recognize belongs to JKR, and the song is 'Broken' by Seether Ft Amy Lee.

--

Broken

I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

Her eyes flew open. She sighed and sat up, running a hand through her hair. She had the same dream last night that she'd been having almost every night for the past two years. It was the same every time; her, Harry and Ron in the Gryffindor common room, joking around and having a good time. And Harry's laugh; oh how she loved his laugh. It could just light up the room. Every time he smiled her heart melted. It never failed.

Of course, all of this was before The Day. The day that her world came crashing down, and nothing would be the same again. It was the day Voldemort made his final attack, killing her other best friend Ron in the process. After Harry finished off Voldemort, he became scarce. He hardly talked to anybody, sat in the back of all his classes, and tried his best not to be seen. Everyone said Hermione was the only one he would talk to, and she grinned every time she heard it.

.+.

I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

He sat on his bed, just staring at her smile. It was his favorite picture; he kept it beside his bed. It was of him and Hermione at the Valentine's dance. Colin Creevey had snuck a picture of the two while they were dancing. At the time, Harry was furious with Colin, but now he loved him for it. The first time he saw the picture it took his breath away, and it still had the same effect to this day. Hermione was gorgeous. She and Harry were swaying back and forth in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, enchanted by the twinkling stars. They were all alone; they just wanted to get away from all the commotion. That night was perfect, and it was captured here in this photograph. It was what kept him going each day.

.+.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't wanna feel right
when you're gone away

The day after graduation, Harry and Hermione sat alone in the compartment on the train. Harry had his head in her lap with his legs stretched out on the seat. They sat in silence for awhile, Hermione running her fingers through his hair. She was so enchanted by his emerald eyes that she was almost startled when a tear slipped out of one of them. She stopped stroking his hair and ran her hand over his cheek.

“It'll all be okay, Harry,” she spoke softly.

“How do you know?” he whispered hoarsely, another tear sliding down his cheek. She felt her heart break into a million pieces. She didn't answer him, instead started running her fingers through his hair again. He closed his eyes as a couple more tears attached themselves to his eyelashes. They sat there for awhile until Harry spoke again.

“Someday,” he said, barely audible, “someday.”

“Someday … what, Harry?” Hermione asked him cautiously.

“Someday it will be okay,” he said softly, still not opening his eyes, “I'll be back someday.”

Those were the last words he spoke to her. The pain was radiating off him that day; Hermione wanted nothing more than to make him happy again, to steal the pain.

You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

But all of that was two years ago. After they got off the train, Harry left without a word. No one has seen or heard from him since. Hermione always hoped she'd awake to see a snowy white owl sitting on her desk, but it never happened. She had been waiting two years for her best friend, her life, her everything to return. He never did. She missed him more and more everyday, the love mixed with pain for this man burned in her heart.

.+.

The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away

Harry smiled at Hermione as she laughed while the Harry in the photograph twirled her around. They both looked so happy.

“It'll be that way again soon,” he whispered to himself, emotions welling up inside of him. It had been two years since he had disappeared without a trace. He left to get away, to find himself. What he found is that what he needs is two blocks away from him at this moment.

He had arrived in town the previous day, and here he was, sitting in a run down motel room with only two beds and a coffee machine. He was two blocks away from everything in the world that mattered to him.

He set the picture frame down on the night stand and picked up the letter and the single rose that was sitting there. He took a deep breath in and stood up.

“Here, Hedwig!” he called to his familiar. She glided over, landing gracefully on his outstretched arm. He held out the letter and rose, which she grasped in her beak. “You know what to do,” he said, petting the tip of her head. She bowed her head and took off out the window. He watched her fly off, and then picked up his parcel.

He walked down the silent, dark street. The only thing to keep him company was his thoughts, and if he were alone with them much longer he would go insane.

.+.

There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Hermione sat down in her arm chair with her cup of tea and a book. This had become her nightly routine. She was reading every book she could get her hands on about being an Auror and Dark Wizards. It seemed almost pointless; the most feared wizard was dead, having fallen to the feet of Harry Potter. The Death Eaters had fled, afraid to exist without their master. Hermione could learn all the spells in the world, but they would end up useless. There was no one left to fight, period. If there were, they'd have to answer to Harry Potter, Hermione knew that much.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

There was a tap at her window. Hermione looked up, and was shocked at the sight. There was a beautiful white owl perched outside her kitchen window. She set down her cup and book, stood up and crossed the room. She unlatched the lock and slid the window open. The owl flew in and perched itself on a kitchen chair. Placed in her beak were a single red rose and a letter. Her heart skipped a beat. She removed the items from Hedwig's mouth. Slowly she opened the note.

”I'm not complete without you, as this rose isn't complete without 11 more. Open your front door to find a full dozen.”

Hermione gasped and looked toward the front door. Hedwig hooted loudly.

.+.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough

He heard Hedwig hoot; that was his cue. He placed the roses on the ground in front of the door and stood off to the side.

Hermione pulled the door open. He heard her whisper, “Oh my” to herself. She bent down and picked them up. She was smiling slightly, but then she frowned.

“But .. there are only 9 here,” she said to no one. Harry grinned and stepped out of the shadows.

.+.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

“Well, I believe I have what you are looking for right here,” he spoke softly, excitement lingering in his voice. He held out the rose. She felt her jaw drop, along with the roses she had been holding.

“Ha ... Harry?” she breathed, unable to believe her eyes. He chuckled and nodded. She took the rose from his outstretched hand. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't stand it anymore. She threw her arms around his neck and sobbed tears of joy into his shoulder.

“I can't believe you're here,” she cried, pulling back and looking him in the eyes. He laughed.

“Well believe it. Can we go inside and talk?” he asked her nervously. She nodded and bent down to pick up her dropped flowers. She gathered them up and walked back into the house. She walked back to the kitchen, followed by Harry. While she rummaged around in the cupboards for a vase, Harry sat down at the table. She found one and started filling it with water.

“So … how've you been?” Harry asked her. She squeezed her eyes shut and reopened them. She didn't want to lie to him, but she couldn't tell him the truth. She turned off the faucet and walked back to the table.

“Well, I'm alive,” she chuckled, and he smiled at her.

“Yeah, I suppose you're right,” he said, shaking his head. She placed the roses in the vase, then turned to face him.

“Do you want to go in the living room and talk? I could light the fire,” she suggested hopefully. He nodded.

“I'd like that.”

.+.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

They walked in to the living room. Hermione went over to light the fire and Harry sat down on the couch. It was a nice little home, the kind of place he'd want to live. Hermione came and sat down next to him, pulling a blanket around them.

“So, where have you been?” she questioned curiously, leaning into him. He wrapped his arm around her and sighed.

“A lot of places,” he stated simply, “as soon as I thought someone was beginning to suspect my presence, I'd leave.” Hermione looked up at him.

“And that's it? That's what you've been doing the past two years?” She asked him bitterly, sitting up. He stood up and walked over to the fireplace. There was a picture of the three of them; the famous trio that battled and defeated the Dark Lord. He put his palms on the mantle and braced himself.

“No, that isn't it,” he muttered, closing his eyes and letting his head hang, “the past two years I've been a coward. I've been running from my problems, running from my fears, running from my friends, and the things I love the most. I was trying to forget this all…” his voice caught in his throat. He felt a hand on each of his shoulders, and Hermione laid her head into his back. He blinked the tears from his eyes. “…Forget any of this happened.”

“Oh Harry,” Hermione choked. He turned around to face her. Her eyes were red and she was starting to tremble. He pulled her into an embrace and held her close. She felt so small and vulnerable in his arms.

.+.

You've gone away
You don't feel me anymore

She cried into his shoulder.

“But why,” she choked out, “why did you leave me?” He pulled her back and looked her in the eyes.

“That is the biggest mistake I've ever made,” he told her, resting his chin on the top of her head. She pushed him back. She felt the two years of pain rising up inside of her.

“But you still left!” she cried, “You left me here all alone. You didn't care. You weren't here when I needed you the most. You weren't there!” she screamed in rage. He just started at her, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

“Hermione …” he began.

“No!” she screamed through tears, “I loved you. I do love you!” She sank to the floor. “And you weren't there,” she said softly, tears streaming down her cheeks. She buried her head in her hands. She felt two arms around her and she buried her head into his chest.

“The only thing I can say is I'm sorry Hermione. But it hurt me too. Don't think for a moment it didn't. But as I sat and watched the sunset one evening, I realized everything I was looking for was everything I left. I left the only thing that can get my by, that I love.” Hermione looked up at him. He put his hand on her cheek. “I left you” She looked into the emerald eyes she adored so much, and then decided to do the thing she had been wanting to do for the last couple of years.

She kissed him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he deepened the kiss. It sent shiveres up and down her spine; it was the best feeling in the world. They broke apart from their kiss, and he leaned his forehead into hers.

“You don't know how long I've wanted to do that,” he said grinning, and she laughed.

“Same here, same here.” She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to the floor, sprawled out on the carpet. They intertwined their legs and she laid her head on his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair and she smiled.

“I'm glad you're back, Harry,” she told him.

“I am too.” Just then a thought crossed her mind.

“Hey, there were only 11 flowers. You said you'd give me a dozen roses, a dozen is 12!” she looked at him curiously.

“Well, don't you think I make a darn good rose?” he asked slyly, grinning. She smiled.

“You know what I have to say to that?” she asked him playfully.

`What?” he replied, smirking.

“This.” She leaned up to him and pressed her lips into his.

“So this means I make a good rose?” he asked through the kiss. She pulled back and looked at him.

“It means you make a very good rose,” she replied, grinning. He smiled and pulled her into him.

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

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