Hack. Snort. Cough. Sneeze.

Goldy

Rating: G
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 23/09/2004
Last Updated: 23/09/2004
Status: completed

Completely plotless and pointless. I was sick, so I made Hermione suffer. Unlike Hermione, I didn't have Harry to make me feel better. Fluffiriffic.

Chapters

1. untitled

1. untitled

Disclaimer: JKR's. Not mine. No making any profit. Blah, blah, blee, blooh…

A/N: So I've spent the last few days coughing, sneezing and generally being a complete mess. For some reason, that led to a plot bunny. I couldn't help but suddenly feel bad for Hermione. I mean, her two best friends are boys! There's nothing better than having girls as friends when you're sick. Seriously, all I've gotten over the last few days from my dearest buds has been, “Aww, how are you feeling, honey? Are you getting enough rest? Can I help you upstairs? Did you go to bed early last night?” Ironically, it did little to make me feel better. Anyway, predictably, being an H/Hr shipper, my next thought was, Harry would never abandon her! No matter how sick she was! So I made Hermione ten times sicker than I am in hopes that it would make me feel better. Sort of did the trick, too.

A/N 2: Have I mentioned the fact that this is a complete plotless, fluffy brain-fart? And that I was slightly out of it when I wrote it? And that feedback would totally make me feel better, despite the horrible cold I've been afflicted with? (Ha! Wasn't that neat how I slipped that in there?)

Hack. Snort. Cough. Sneeze.

Harry shut his eyes, trying to block out the sound of his best friend's pathetic sniffling. He was attempting to work on a two-foot long essay for Potions, but the sounds that kept emanating from Hermione were somewhat of a distraction. He slowly opened his eyes, gaze landing on Hermione's flushed face.

Hack. Snort. Cough. Sneeze.

“ACHOO!” Hermione sneezed loudly into a tissue and burst into several loud hacking coughs.

Ron, who was trying to do the same essay, gave Hermione a look of pure horror. He and Harry exchanged looks and simultaneously moved their chairs backwards, watching Hermione suspiciously.

“Sorry,” Hermione muttered, eyes filling with water as she frantically started blowing her nose again. “I'b not feeling very well…”

Ron moved his chair backwards another few inches. “That's disgusting, Hermione…”

“Oh, grow up, Ron,” she snapped, trying to sound angry, but her voice only coming out as little more than a whisper.

Covering her face with both hands, she started hacking loudly. Ron and Harry glanced at each other uneasily.

“Erm, Hermione…” Harry tried, once she'd gotten herself under control. “Have you thought about getting some rest?”

“I'b fine,” she snapped, her voice dry and scratchy.

Despite her assurances, Hermione did not look fine. Her face was pale, her nose red and peeling, and dark smudges underlined eyes that were swollen to twice their normal levels. Her hair was matted and tangled, giving Hermione a disheveled and messy appearance.

Covering her mouth with her sleeve, she burst into a fit of loud, wracking coughs that shook her body. Getting a hold of herself, she let out a pained sniffle and blinked watery eyes at her homework. “I can't concentrate…”

“Hermione,” Ron said, eyes very wide. “Maybe Harry's right, you know…”

“I'B FINE!” she screeched.

“Okay,” Ron and Harry said quickly, backing their chairs up even further.

She watched them through narrowed, red eyes. “Well, fine…” she said, blinking back tears. “If you two are so afraid of me, you can just leave!”

“Look, Hermione…” Harry started. “It's not that we're afraid of you, exactly…”

“It's just that,” Ron continued, exchanging another uneasy look with Harry. “What with the amount of time the three of us spend together… chances are…”

“Well, we don't want to get sick, too,” Harry said carefully.

Hermione blinked a few times, looking dazed. “Hmm… oh, okay…”

“Okay?” Ron repeated fearfully.

Hermione seemed to come back to herself. “Don't be silly,” she wheezed. “I'b not sick.”

Harry and Ron sighed.

“But,” she said, voice turning to a low, raspy sound. “If you want to leave so badly, go right ahead! Don't le' be stop you!”

Hermione sneezed loudly, not even bothering to cover her mouth.

Ron backed away so quickly he knocked his chair over. “Great,” he said. “I'm glad you're being so understanding about—”

“ACHOO!” Honk. Snort. Wheeze.

“—GOTTA GO! BYE!”

With another horrified look in Hermione's direction, Ron took off, shooting Harry an apologetic look as he did so.

Harry watched his friend go, feeling no small amount of jealousy. He slowly turned back around to face Hermione, a small rush of pity at the look of misery on her face hitting him as he did so.

“It's okay, Harry,” she whispered, rubbing her eyes. “You can go, too. I don' mind.”

Cough. Snort. Hack.

Harry winced. “Naww…” he said. “I'd much rather stay here with you…”

Hermione blew her nose loudly. “Thanks, Harry,” she said hoarsely. “You're sweet. A terrible liar, but sweet.”

Harry sent the library doors a longing look. Sighing, he pulled his chair closer to the table, smiling weakly in Hermione's direction. “I just said I'd stay,” he said. “Besides, I have this Potion's essay to do.”

She gave him a look of pure relief, sinking down in her chair. “Well—if you're sure.”
Hermione closed her eyes and Harry watched in slight worry as she swayed back and forth. “Harry…” she said faintly. “Is the room rocking?”

“Erm… not that I know of…”

“Harry?”

“Yes?”

“I don't feel too good.”

Harry glanced down at his potion's essay before sliding it off to the side. “That's because you're sick, Hermione.”

She shook her head. “I don't get sick.”

“Everyone gets sick.”

“Nu uh. Not me.”

Hermione buried her face in her hands and let out a low moan.

Harry swallowed. “Hermione… what's… are you okay?”

“NO!” she wailed into her hands. “I feel terrible! I can't see! I can't breathe! My throat hurts! I'm hot and cold!” Hermione took a long gasp of air. “I can't read without hurting my head!” She began whimpering, her shoulders shaking. “I can't do any homework,” she sobbed, beginning to bang her head against the table. “I can't concentrate! I've never not been able to concentrate before! NEVER!”

Harry reached out a hand towards her before thinking better of it. Cautiously, he pushed his chair backwards and went to crouch beside her. “Hey,” he said softly. “It's okay, Hermione… it's just a cold…”

She picked her head up from the table, her eyes even redder and more swollen then before. “I haven't slept properly in two days!” she whimpered, beginning to cry in earnest. “I can't taste anything I eat!”

Harry put a comforting hand on the small of her back, trying to give her a sympathetic look. “Hermione,” he said nervously. “Just don't breathe on me, okay?”

Hermione sneezed again and Harry recoiled quickly, moving away from her. Sniffling, Hermione dabbed at her eyes with her tissue. “I can't breathe…” she whimpered miserably.

Harry approached her again, holding his hands out in weak defense. “Stop crying,” he said softly. “You'll only make it worse…”

“I can't help it!” she wailed, flailing her arms. “I have to do all this work! And I can't! And I'b just so… frustrated!”

“Hey…” he said, trying to sound soothing. “It's okay. We'll just… take you to Madam Pomfrey… she'll fix you up in no time…”

“No,” Hermione said. “I'b not sick. Don't want no Pepper Up potion…”

Harry sighed. “Hermione, I don't know how to help you.”

She smiled weakly. “You're helping,” she whispered. “You stayed. That's bore than Ron did.”

“Well—okay,” he said uncertainly. “If you say so.”

“Go work on your paper,” she rasped. “I'b going to do by homework.”

Feeling concerned, Harry dropped back into his own seat, keeping his eyes on Hermione. He watched as she focused back on her textbooks, a tissue pinching her nose, and her eyes glazed and unfocused. He watched as she blinked rapidly, eyelids drooping. And he watched as she leaned forward, forehead resting on her open page and tissue falling off her nose to come to rest next to her mouth as she dropped off to sleep.

Intensely relieved, Harry gathered up his essay, hoping he'd have a chance to finish it. He had managed to complete half a foot, when Hermione released a long, loud snore. Wincing, he looked up from his essay, eyes going back to Hermione. A little pool of spit was gathering by the corner of her mouth and staining the page of her open book. Her entire body quaked as she drew in long breath before letting it out again in a loud, piercing snore.

Harry glanced around the library, flushing in embarrassment when he noticed several students watching their table in avid frustration. Shifting down in his seat, he attempted to concentrate on his essay, only to lose his focus when Hermione released another loud, whining snore.

“That's it,” he muttered to himself, throwing down his quill.

He approached Hermione again, reluctant to awake her, but not having much choice. Taking a deep breath, he gently shook her shoulder. “Hermione,” he said. “Wake up…”

In response, she let out another loud snore.

“Yes…” he mumbled, continuing to shake her. “That was intensely disgusting…”

“Wanna sleep…” she mumbled. “Go away… so tired…”

“I know, Hermione, but you gotta… I'm going to take you to the hospital wing, okay?”

“Nu uh, don't want no stupid hospital wing… perfectly fine…”

“Hermione!” he snapped, beginning to get cross with her. “You are not fine! I refuse to sit here and watch you do this to yourself! Now you will get up right now and let me take you to the hospital wing!”

Blearily, Hermione's eyes fluttered open. “Harry…” she said, smiling at him. “Hello, Harry… I was just dreaming about you…”

Harry rolled his eyes. “No, actually, that would be me yelling at you. We're going to the hospital wing. C'mon…”

She crinkled her brows. “Nice dream…”

Harry groaned and took her by the arm. “Stand up, Hermione… I'm taking you to Madam Pomfrey…”

“Aww, Harry…” Hermione said, standing up unsteadily. “You're all worried abou' me…”

She rocked back and forth dangerously and Harry put a steadying arm around her waist. “C'mon,” he said. “Lean against me.”

She did, coughing a few times as she did so. “So tired…”

She rested her head against his shoulder and Harry was somewhat horrified to see that she was still drooling. “That's just… great…” he muttered, beginning to help her along. “Couldn't run away like Ron did, could you, Potter? Always have to go `playing the hero!'”

Hermione grunted. “Harry… gonna sneeze…”

“Hermione… don't… Oh… good… that's nice…”

“Sorry,” she giggled. “That was silly of me.”

“You're sick,” he said irritably. “You can't help it.”

She sighed, dragging her feet and forcing Harry to hold on to her waist a little tighter. “I don't want to get you sick, Harry,” she said quietly. “I'b sorry that you got stuck with me.”

“I told you, it's fine.”

She nodded miserably. “Wish you didn't have to see me, though…”

“What d'you mean?”

“Oh, I just wish that…” she cleared her throat loudly, hacking a few times. “Wish you didn't have to see me… like this… when I'b so…”

Harry stopped and turned so his hands strayed to her hips and his eyes locked on hers. “When you're so what?” he said with a smile. “Splotchy? Pale? Drooling and snoring in the library?”

“I was… drooling?” she repeated, thunderstruck. She swayed back and forth, and steadfastly stared at the floor. “Oh,” she moaned. “That's so embarrassing… wish you didn't have to see that…”

“Oh, c'mon, Hermione,” Harry said. “That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Sure, you don't look… great… but I saw you when you turned into Millicent Bulstrode's cat! I saw you when you were petrified! I saw you when you were studying for O.W.L's last year! I mean, comparatively… this is… nothing to be ashamed of. You're just sick. Besides, you're still very pretty, even with all the splotichness.”

Hermione's eyes filled and her bottom lip quivered. “Really? You mean that?”

“Yes,” Harry said.

Hermione threw her arms around him in a hug that had Harry momentarily unsteady on his feet. “Oh, Hermione… don't… you're so sick…”

Hermione coughed a few times and Harry winced. “Don't be silly, Harry,” she said faintly. “Goodness only knows… you're bound to get sick, anyway…”

Harry sighed. “I suppose,” he admitted, grudgingly returning her hug.

“Mmm…” she said faintly, pressing herself against him. “Smell good… did I ever tell you that, Harry? You smell good.”

“Hermione…” he said, feeling his cheeks heat up. “You can't smell anything…”

“Always smell good…” she whispered. “It's nice… makes me feel safe…”

“My smell makes you feel safe?” Harry repeated dubiously.

She giggled. “No, silly. You make me feel safe.” Her arms wrapped around his neck, holding on tightly. “My Harry…” she whispered quietly. “Always makes me feel safe…”

Harry was stunned speechless. Hermione's eyes fluttered closed, her face pressing against his chest. Her entire body relaxed as she curled against him. Feeling dizzy himself, Harry stared at her in incomprehension until something in his brain slid into place with an almost audible click.

“Hermione…” he choked out. “Hermione, you're… Oh. My. God.”

“Mmm…”

Harry shook his head. “C'mon, you need to go to the hospital wing… right now…”

“Don't want to move…”

Gently, Harry pried her arms off him. “You're sick, sweetheart. You need medicine.”

Hermione blinked at him sleepily before going completely still. “What did… what did you just… what did you just call me?”

“I think you heard me,” he said, sliding his arm around her waist. “Seriously, Hermione… we have to get to the hospital wing before you pass out… I can't carry you all the way there…”

Hermione's eyes went very wide. “Harry…” she whispered. “You just… I just…”

“There were a lot of `justs,' Hermione. Now, let's go to the—”

Hermione threw herself at him in another hug. “Oh, Harry,” she sniffled, voice still nasally and scratchy. “I never thought I'd—Oh… I think I'm going to be sick…”

Harry shut his eyes. “Okay,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. “That's… to be expected… we're just going to go….”

Quickly, he half-dragged, half-carried her to the hospital wing, very much relieved when she didn't throw up on him. Madam Pomfrey took one look at Hermione's pasty face and rushed off to get some Pepper Up potion. Harry led Hermione over to one of the hospital beds, helping her sit down.

“Drink up there, Miss Granger…” Madam Pomfrey said, holding out a vial of green, bubbling liquid.

Hermione frowned down at it. “I'b not drinking that…”

“Yes,” Harry said. “You are.”

“That's easy for you to say!” she said, looking near tears again. “You don't have to drink it!”

“Oh, yes he does,” Madam Pomfrey said, thrusting a vial of the same liquid at Harry. “You, too, Potter… goodness only knows how many of her germs you've been in contact with…”

Harry, feeling Hermione's eyes on him, reluctantly downed the potion, clamping down on a reflex to gag. “Okay,” he said, eyes watering a bit. “Your turn.”

Hermione glanced down at the liquid again and shuddered. “It's starting to bubble…”

“Hermione,” Harry said tightly. “Look, I'm sort of planning on kissing you at some point, and I'd much prefer to do that after you've drunk that potion. However, if you're going to be so stubborn about it, I might have to—”

“Kiss me?” Hermione repeated.

“Kiss her?” Madam Pomfrey echoed.

“Well—I suppose I could just leave…” Harry said nonchalantly.

Hermione squeaked and quickly drank the potion. Sputtering, she wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, more tears springing into her eyes. “Ugh…” she said with a shiver. “That stuff is foul…” Her eyes lit up and she met Harry's gaze. “My voice!” she exclaimed happily. “It's normal! It sounds… normal!”

Standing up suddenly, she rocked back and forth dangerously and was forced to grab onto the head of the bed for support. Madam Pomfrey frowned at her darkly. “Honestly,” she snipped. “This potion doesn't immediately take care of all your symptoms. You still need a good amount of bed rest.”

“I'll make sure she gets it,” Harry said, taking Hermione's hand and leading her out of the hospital wing.

Out in the hall, Hermione tugged on his hand and stopped him. “I want my kiss,” she said imploringly.

Harry turned, somewhat reassured to see that her colour was beginning to return to normal. “Hermione, you heard what Madam Pomfrey said, you're still sick…”

She scowled. “You said you'd kiss me.”

“I know, but—”

Harry suddenly found himself unable to continue due to the fact that Hermione's lips were pressed against his. She kissed him senselessly, until his head spun and he felt unsteady on his feet.

She pulled away from him, a self-satisfied smile on her face before breaking down into a fit of hacking coughs. Harry, still feeling somewhat dizzy, waited until she had control of herself before taking her arm and leading her back up to the common room.

“That was very charming,” he said, grinning a little. “Thank you.”

She tottered back and forth dangerously. “Well—you were taking so long…”

“Hermione,” he said, eyes softening and slipping an arm around her shoulders. “You need some rest. I promise I'll kiss you lots and lots after you're better.”

“Hmmph,” she sniffed. “You're just all paranoid `cause you think I'm gonna sneeze or cough or snort on you…”

“Very true…”

She yawned sleepily and her head rolled back on his shoulder. “Harry?” she yawned.

“Yes?”

“I'm very tired.” She frowned. “I think I'b sick.”

“I think you are, too.”

“Harry?”

“Yes?”

“I think it's very weird that you realized how you felt about me while I was busy coughing all over you.”

“I think it just shows how much I care about you,” he said softly.

“Aww…” she sniffled. “That was beautiful…”

Reaching the common room, Harry led her over to the couch by the fire. “Lie down,” he said softly. “I promise you'll feel better when you wake up…”

Obediently, Hermione stretched out on the couch. “Harry?”

“Yes?”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Of course.”

“Harry?”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “Yes?”

“Nothing,” she said, smiling a little. “I just like your name… Harry… Harry Potter…”

“Hermione,” he said, mouth twitching. “You're delirious. Get some rest.”

“I'b not delirious,” she muttered. “I'b perfectly fine…”

“Uh huh.”

She frowned at him but shut her eyes, yawning wildly as she did so. “You know… if we ever got married… we'd have the same initials…”

“Erm…”

“Hermione Jane Potter… Harry James Granger… hmm don' know `bout that…”

“Hermione,” Harry managed, in a strangled voice. “Don't you think it's a little bit too early to be planning our wedding?”

She blinked at him sleepily a few times. “Oh, no,” she whispered. “I've made you all upset, haven't I? S'okay, Harry… we don't have to married for a really long time…”

Harry swallowed. “Hermione? Go to sleep, alright?”

“Okay… night…” Hermione shut her eyes again. “Hey, Harry?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for taking care of me…”

Harry brushed his lips over her forehead. “You're very welcome. Now get some sleep.”

“Harry?”

“Yes?”

“I never finished my homework.”

“Hermione, I don't think that it's going to impact…” Harry trailed off when Hermione emitted a loud snore. “Ahh…” he said. “And there's the drool… lovely…” Sighing to himself, Harry crouched down on his knees beside her and gathered one of her hands in his own. He blinked at her a few times. “Funniest part of it is,” he said to himself. “I actually think it's cute…”

END

-->