Even Heroes Bleed

Kai_Lun_Mau

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 02/10/2004
Last Updated: 18/12/2004
Status: completed

This is a companion piece to my Fic There are no happy endings. It's all Harry's point of view of the Events of There are no happy endings

Chapters

1. Chapter 1

2. Chapter 2

3. Chapter 3

1. Chapter 1

Even Heroes Bleed

Chapter 1

Hermione once called me her Prince Charming and how I rescued her, god I didn’t think I was capable of loving her more than I was able to at the moment. But mere moments later the full weight of the prophecy slammed down on my shoulders. I couldn’t tell her that there was a hell of a chance that I won’t be able to beat Voldemort and I told her people like me don’t have happy endings, she just laughed.

For the first time I was Happy, but it was a long road to this point in my life. Sixth year was hard for me, Sirius was gone, I blamed Dumbledore I blamed myself, I really blamed Bellatrix Lestrange, but while I was blaming them and myself Ron made a move I never thought he’d have the guts to make. He asked Hermione out on a date.

I was in hell at that moment when she agreed, I had spent four weeks at the Dursely’s and the only thing that kept me from cracking and going postal was thoughts of Hermione. Almost losing her at the department of mysteries had been a major wake up call for me. The jinx’s and charms we were being taught at Hogwarts just weren’t going to cut the mustard in the up coming war and within three weeks I had owled Professor Dumbledore and swallowing my pride and my anger asked him to really train me how to fight. It was fairly obvious that there was no way Voldemort was going to wait peacefully for me to get through Auror training.

So when I finally got parole and got to come to number twelve the first thing I looked for on arrival wasn’t Dumbledore, or Lupin or any of the Weasely’s, it was Hermione. I wish I hadn’t found her, she was sitting at the kitchen table talking to Ron which normally wouldn’t have bothered me, the fact they were both stretching across the table, their fingers and hands entwined was like being Avada’d.

I swallowed my anger, I vowed that I would not repeat my stupid actions from last year again so I forced a smile on my lips and walked in. Things were strained, Ron kept flashing me a smug smile and Hermione just looked sad, I didn’t want pity from her, and I wanted to smash Ron’s face into pulp, but alas I didn’t get either of my wishes. Dumbledore must have gleaned my emotions with his Occulmency cause he damn near did Voldemorts job for him with the training regime he had set me up. Twelve hours of training a day, minus meal times and using the facilities was spent in a condensed Aurors training program and every time I felt like quitting. Every time I felt like saying enough Dumbledore would flash an image through my mind and my hackles would rise my shoulders straighten and I would get to my feet and raise my wand.

The image you ask. He would flash the vision of Hermione lying flat on her back in the Department of Mysteries. Hermione desperately wanted to join in these training sessions, Ron wanted to join so Hermione wasn’t spending time with me but Dumbledore wouldn’t allow it, she was so mad and Ron’s smug grin got worse.

There was one day when I was working with Lupin that I must have surprised the hell out of him cause when I asked him how do you when you are in love he just stared at me and smiled a tired sad smile that almost broke my heart.

"I shouldn’t have been the one to tell you this, it should have been James or Lily or Sirius though god knows if you would have gotten a serious answer from James or Sirius." He flicked his wand and two armchairs appeared and we both sat down my own feelings of melancholy matching Lupins.

"I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything, I know you miss them, maybe more than I do, you knew them a lot better than me."

"It’s ok Harry, how do you know you’re in love?" HE smiled and studied me curiously. "Hermione right?"

God was I that transparent, I could feel the blush exploding across my face. "Um, mind if I not answer that question?"

Lupin nodded. "It’s ok I don’t need to know, but you know your in love Harry when the first thing you think about in the morning is her, when the last thing at night is her, and when she’s not with you it hurts worse than you could ever imagine."

Nodding I stood up and stepped over and I hugged him, don’t let that get around ok but yeah I hugged him.

*****************

Having them together in number twelve was bad enough but at least I could leave the room, on the Hogwarts Express I had to sit for hours and watch them canoodle and snuggle and watch that sad look from Hermione every time she looked at me. It was torture, it hurt worse the Cruciatus curse and there was nowhere I could escape from it. Hogwarts was when my heart broke, I had been lucky, and with prudent planning and fast reflexes I had yet to see either of them kiss. It was a week after we had arrived and I was coming in through the Portrait one evening after my training sessions with order members. And wham the portrait closed behind me blocking my escape and I watched almost in slow motion as Ron closed the distance between himself and Hermione and pressed his lips to hers.

I wanted to cry I wanted to rage I wanted to drag Ron away from screaming she was mine. But I didn’t, I tightened my grip on my books and stalked past them and into the dorm.

After that I started to Avoid them both, we were still friends but I was building a wall around myself so I would never feel the way I felt that night when he kissed her again and so I watched from the sidelines. I never saw them kissing again, instead the arguments started, first it was the usual Hermione Ron spats but they got worse, and soon they started to bring me into it, well when I say they I really mean Ron, apparently it was my fault whatever it was about…

She slapped him. Not the you’re being an asshole slap to make a guy correct his ways, but the full forced Malfoy bitch slap that knocked Ron on his ass and by the time the common room recovered they had both stormed off. I knew Hermione would go to the Library but Ron I had no clue, I gotta say though I wasn’t too surprised when I saw Lavender Brown leave a few minutes after Ron, she’d practically been drooling over him since we arrived back at school.

I couldn’t stay there in the common room and I knew Hermione wouldn’t appreciate my butting in so I returned to my dorm grabbed my map and my Broom and headed for the Quidditch pitch intending not to return till it was well after curfew.

That’s where Hermione found me two hours later doing dive bombs and loops and she asked me for the map and being the good friend I was I gave it to her before heading back to the common room. Without the map I had no way to make sure I wouldn’t get caught by Filch or Snape so I went back and sat in front of the fire cursing fate and trying to quell the rising surge of hope I could feel building in my chest.

The Portrait slammed open and I turned watching as she stormed in tears streaming from her eyes and sobbing uncontrollably and I suddenly found myself standing before her so quickly I could have sworn I had apparated, Hogwarts wards or not. Then she told me, and at that moment I hated Ron, I wanted to beat the living shit out of him and something in my expression must have shown it because she lay a hand on my arm and asked me to calm down.

I don’t know what happened after that, She looked so upset that I reached out and wrapped my long arms around her and hugged her as hard as I could and her tears started to wet my shirt. Finally after a few moments she pulled away and she stared up into my eyes wiping away her tears and I couldn’t stop myself… I kissed her.

TBC…

Yeah, yeah I know I said I would have a new chapter for awakening the Dragon and that I was working on a Punisher fic, but I was reading my older fics and reread There are no happy endings and decided I was gonna write a companion piece for it from Harry’s point of view.

Yours truly

The Evil known as Kai Lun Mau.

2. Chapter 2

Every cliché you can think of occurred when my lips pressed against hers, it took a few moments for her to respond hell I was shocked that I’d kissed her so I could only guess at what she was feeling. She moaned softly and whimpered and I was in heaven, do you have any idea what that sound can do to a guy. I pulled her closer, sweeping my tongue across her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to me and my tongue slipped in and the slow fiery duel began. Suddenly she pulled away from me and a look of horror crossed her face and my heart almost broke, she’s wearing that look because I kissed her. That’s when little Ginerva let rip, bastard whore, betrayer, I can’t even remember half the names she called us that night.

Ginny left after about fifteen minutes ranting and cursing both of us and made me feel even angrier but it seemed to make Hermione feel ashamed or something because before I had a chance to tell her what I was feeling. I watched as my hope for the future vanished up the girl’s dormitory steps.

Seems Ginny must have ran straight to the infirmary after she had finished chewing both of us out cause as if things between Hermione and I weren’t tense enough Ron got out of the infirmary in time to make it to breakfast.

Naturally it was all my fault, I turned Hermione against him, I’m the boy who has everything, yadda, yadda, yadda you know, Ron’s usual crap. Now usually I’ll just ignore him, but he turned his attention to Hermione and as soon as that Scarlet Woman Crap started I had had enough. There was no mention of his late night shagging tryst with Lavender nor of any of the hurtful, hell poisonous comments he’d made to her the day before. Just that Hermione was shagging me behind his back.

It was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. I grabbed a hold of his robes and I shook him hard. "Listen you whiny little bastard!" I was so mad I couldn’t see straight. "I am tired of your obsessive bullshit about the things I have and you don’t!" Unfortunately I never really got much further than that cause he punched me. Now growing up with Dudley, getting Crucioed several times and numerous hexes as part of your supposed training gives you a hell of a thresh hold for pain, but he surprised me and my grip on his robes loosened and he took advantage of it by punching me again. Now at six foot one Ron’s no puny gimp, but lets face it he’s not Dudley so I blocked his next punch and drilled him solidly in the kidneys dropping him to his knee’s in a gasping heap. Dumb bastard I swear it’s genetic with the Weasely’s lost his temper completely and the two of us ended up in a rolling melee of fists and feet.

Then Dumbledore Stupefied the both of us.

I was revived in the Headmasters office and he sat there on the other side of his desk staring at me. I knew I was in trouble, he wasn’t twinkling. "Would you care to explain the scene in the great hall Mr Potter?"

I sighed; great we are using last names. Slowly I worked my sore jaw and sat up before calmly explaining what had happened the previous evening. He shook his head sadly. "Harry now is not the time to be risking friendships."

I nodded sadly at him. "I know Sir, but I didn’t start this mess and I can’t help loving her."

He let me go but informed me of Mcgonnagal actions with the house points and I knew I was in trouble with the rest of the house. But surprisingly they all seemed to take Hermione’s side and decided that I was just looking out for her and Ron was at fault. I got a week’s detention with Filch for that little stunt, Ron, to keep us separated got a weeks detention with Snape which I kinda found fitting.

That was the end of Ron’s and mine friendship, he blamed me for Hermione dumping him, I hated him for hurting her like he did and Hermione, Hermione was avoiding me. Now not wanting to talk to Ron I could understand, she’d caught him shagging Lavender Brown, but me, I know I was a little rash kissing her like I did but I know she enjoyed it.

So that’s how I found myself alone on a Hogsmeade weekend a week before the Christmas break. I was the only one staying, and I knew I shouldn’t expect any kinda of gifts this year from the Weasely’s, hell I doubted whether they would ever invite me to the Burrow again.

I was looking for a few Christmas gifts, Ron being a dick or not I still loved the rest of his family and would by for them like I always did regardless of the fact they would likely just return them to me. That’s when it caught my eye, it glimmered just in the corner of my field of vision and I stopped to see what it was, the sign above the shop was discreet, no flashy symbols, no garish advertisements, it just read Solomon’s.

I stared at the window at the velvet pad that took centre place and the chain and gemstone that hung there on display, it was simple, elegant, refined and not to flashy and I knew I had to get it for Hermione.

The door chimed as I stepped inside the store into it’s dimly lit interior and I smiled nervously at the man behind the counter who looked at me like I was dragging mud all over his nice floor.

"May I help you Sir?" His voice reminded me strongly of Snapes and I sighed as I pointed to the window.

"The necklace, I want it, how much."

The man chuckled. "My dear boy that is a heart stone Diamond, one of the most expensive pieces we carry in the store, perhaps you would be better off looking in Sapphire and Rose down the street, their prices are much more within your range I believe."

Now I know I complain about people gawking at my scar and calling me the boy who lived, but sometimes, just sometimes it can work in my favour. I tilted my head slightly and I smiled in that unfriendly friendly way people can do and flicked my hair from the front of my face, the scar vivid against my skin and the man behind the counter blanched.

"Mr Potter, please forgive me, the necklace did you say right away sir!"

Nodding I pulled out my money bag and set it down on the counter as the man quickly wrapped the small box for me and told me the price, I whistled, it was expensive, more than I thought, but lets face it if she’s not worth it then who is?

The last week passed torturously slow, part of me wished she would change her mind, that she would stay with me here in the tower, but I knew that wish wasn’t fair on her or her parents. So on the day when everyone was leaving I stood at the window of Gryffindor tower and watched as she climbed into the carriage and she stopped and looked around and her eyes met mine and I swallowed painfully as I fought the tears that were pushing to the surface. Never let them see you bleed I chanted in my mind as I watched the carriage door close and she was gone.

It was empty, I spent days alone in the tower avoiding the few students left from other houses, avoiding the teachers, when I craved company I visited Dobby in the kitchens and when I didn’t want to be found I created a personal space in the room of requirement. I sent Hedwig with the few gifts I had bought but on Christmas Eve I had her make a special delivery, I wanted Hermione’s gift to be there for her the moment she woke.

I quickly scrawled a message in my untidy handwriting.

Hermione

Some things like your present will last forever and will never fade

Love Harry

And before my nerve failed I tied the package to Hedwig’s leg and watched her fly off. Job Done I retreated to my dorm for the evening and waited wishing for tomorrow to pass as quickly as possible.

When I woke up that morning a small pile of gifts rested at the foot of my bed but I had no interest in them, the one thing I wanted, the only gift I needed wouldn’t be there. So feeling particularly sorry for myself I retreated into the common room and sat beside the fire and stared into it’s crimson and gold depths.

Not sure how long I sat there really and I was shook out of my thoughts as the portrait opened and thinking it was likely Dumbledore or Lupin I continued to study the flames. That lasted about as long as it took for me to recognise the breathing and believing this to be a dream I turned to look at her. "Hey."

"Why?"

I smiled slightly, I couldn’t help it she had this flustered look about her and her cheeks rosy from the cold. "Because like I said in the note like the diamond, some things are forever and will never fade."

She growled at me, she really shouldn’t do that cause it’s as sexy as hell and makes me want to snog her senseless but she stood there classic Hermione hands on hips glaring at me. "Don't play silly buggers Harry, why did you give this to me?"

So it was like that was it, denial so I stood, I never really noticed how much taller than her I was till that very moment and I stared down at her wishing her to see my emotions in my eyes. "Because I love you." She started to cry, not the reaction I was hoping for but I wasn’t to be deterred, she was here, with me and so I dipped my head and pressed my lips to her cheeks to kiss away her tears and her arms found their way around my neck and she surprised the hell out of me because this time. This time she kissed me.

TBC…

AN: Sorry for the delay but I a rush to get unpacked after decorating I kinda triggered about of my own personal hell and left myself exhausted for several days. But here it is part 2 there’s only one part left after this so I hope you enjoy oh yeah…R&R would ya.

Yours Truly

The Evil known as Kai Lun Mau

3. Chapter 3

Even Heroes Bleed

Prt 3

Voldemort must have been having an off year; a slight attempt to capture and kill me at the end of sixth year was his only real attempt on my life. Hell he must have thought I was doing enough damage to my life for both of us, it was pitiful and I had Hermione by my side now, she loved me and I loved her and nothing else mattered, not even Ginny and Ron.

Yeah we still weren't speaking to each other, not that I care that much, that was Ron's last strike, I know you're supposed to get three, but shagging Lavender Brown then starting his crap in the great hall was enough, but If I thought about it. If he hadn't have been doing the you know what with you know who...ok no that just sounds so wrong even to me. Ok if he hadn't have been shagging Lavender in the Astronomy Tower then Hermione and I would never have found each other.

Thanks Ron...You're number one!

Luna and Neville were playing mediator, taking over Hermione's role in our little group, we were no longer the Trio, we were the Hogwarts Six, four and a half if you took into account the current Rift. The train ride back home was silent, Ron was still a prefect, though god knows how considering his actions or lack there of in his prefect duties, so he left with Hermione and that left me with Luna, Nev and Gorgon in training Ginny Weasely. She sat there for almost an hour glaring at me with the utmost loathing while I sat there staring out the window waiting for my girl...yeah I like that, MY GIRL to come back.

Now I'm not being an ego maniac here, but I love her, and she loves me so you might as well tattoo property of Hermione Granger on my ass cause I knew I would spend the rest of my life with her. Soon enough she returned Ron in tow glowering as she sat beside me and slipped her arms around my waist and got comfy for the rest of the very silent trip.

The start of that summer was hell for me, we stood at kings cross ignoring the Durseley's rants and raves, her parent while more understanding were getting impatient but we continued to stand there hands entwined, my forehead resting against hers my eyes closed savouring the feel of her. The memory of her scent burning into my brain before finally we pulled apart, tears in her eyes, my own burning as I walked away to the Dursely's and hell.

She called every day, we wrote every night, yeah sad I know but I don't care, I miss her terribly, I have to be honest, she is my life, without her I just don't care about living. Finally my jailbreak came in the form of Tonks with Vomit green hair and a ripped T-shirt proudly proclaiming she was Bitch #1 I was in hysterics my Aunt was having fits that this.... thing was standing on our doorstep and grabbed her arm and yanked her inside so fast Tonks ended up on her ass in the hallway.

Finally I calmed down and one portkey later followed by a random Floo connection I was spinning out of control and landing on my ass much like Tonk's did thirty minutes ago and was staring up at the ceiling. I didn't even get a chance to get my barings when something, well someone actually landed on my chest with a thud and started kissing me. Her mere presence and well admittedly her tongue in my mouth was all the reason my body needed to react and I was frog marching up to my room.

If I thought for once I'd get a normal vacation I was sadly mistaken, Dumbledore decided I needed to brush up on my combat skills and that Hermione who being so much smarter than myself would also get the same training. Gruelling drills, more intricate duels lessons upon lessons upon lessons swallowed up all our free time, but I can't complain because more than once I got to wake up in the morning with my love wrapped tightly in my arms snuggled against me. Ok we were still clothed but it was a start.

I don't think anyone would have believed that Ron and I could put our differences aside. I got the girl in their eyes and Ron the sidekick was punted from Sidekick to flunky with Hermione now as my partner, and most people would have been right, you need someone you trust as your partner, and Ron's proved time and again I can't trust him. But people forgot one key factor; they forgot Draco "I'm a ferret" Malfoy. He let Voldemort and hhis followers into the castle the little shit. The Teachers were missing; the school under attack and all that stood between the Darksides victory was myself and twenty-four members of Dumbledore's army. Yeah you guessed it we are so going to die. But then I looked at her, and while I saw the fear, I also saw the utmost confidence in her aimed at me, she BELIEVED I would not lose and it buoyed me.

Ron being the brilliant strategist that he is started a simple but effective place, staying behind with the Marauders map he would direct teams of five to key positions to head off and duel, defeat or simply slow down their progress till help arrived in the form of the order. I worked kinda, we lost a few people through injury or AK'ed but the very castle seemed to take offence at the presence of this malignant evil and it came to life. Stairways would misdirect, enchanted armour would come to life swing swords and axes and mace's till finally there was only one Dot unaccounted for.

Voldemort...

His dot stood in the great hall and I knew it was time. I grabbed Hermione and I kissed her soundly before pressing my wand tip against her and casting the body bind. I looked at a stunned Ron and smiled a half smile. "Keep her safe." Slowly I made my way to the great hall and my fate, destiny, whatever you would call it and faced my enemy.

God I wasn't sure how long the duel lasted, we blasted spells at each other, tables exploded into splinters, other caught fire, walls disintegrated till finally we stood in a three metre circle of clear space and the Great hall was a ruin. I was out of options, during the summer Dumbledore had explained something to me, a last ditched manoeuvre that was taught during the goblin rebellions, a magic user, if desperate enough, if they wanted it enough could over load his magic ability. He could turn himself into the magical equivalent of a bomb, it was a last chance manoeuvre and the cost great, and as I knelt on the ground gasping for breath while Voldemort did the same.

I realised my last chance moment was here, seizing my magic and seizing the link that bound the two of us. I began to build upon it forcing two magical essences to merge and grow till I was glowing like the sun screaming as though my whole bearing was being torn apart before suddenly I reversed the flow, sending the entire overloaded charge back to Voldemort. He screamed before it exploded, the light flashed through the great hall and I was blown off my feet slamming into the wall with a crack, feeling my body break under the impact, but I could see him. I watched as he lay face down, unmoving smouldering on the floor, but most importantly the link that bound us was gone, for the first time in nearly a decade I was alone in my own head.

I cold feel someone gather me up into their arms rocking me gently, casting medical spells trying to stabilize my failing body, I knew the scent, it was burned into my mind and I tried to smile. "M-mi-mione...." Every word hurt, I couldn't explain to her that she could fix this, that this wouldn't heal. "Is-is he dead?"

"Yes Harry, you did it, he is dead, you stopped him Harry." The pain in her voice was hurting more than the pain in my broken body. "Shh Harry rest it'll be ok."

I wish I could tell her but I went limp in her arms feeling so tired it was unreal but the pain was easing, maybe her medi charms had worked. "I'm g-glad.... C-can't h-hurt me anymore.... C-cant h-hurt you...s-so tired Mione..."

"Harry...Harry I love you, please, please don't leave me Harry"

I could feel the darkness encroaching on me and I smiled, or tried to I don't know if it worked or not. "L-love you -m-mion...." And as I lay there another conversation With Dumbledore intruded into my thoughts.

"Harry there is one thing you must understand, something I learned myself through much hardship, sometimes to be the hero we must give up the things we love most." And as I lay there in her arms I finally understood, to save her, I had to give her up, I had to choose to be the hero, because if I didn't, I wouldn't have been her Harry

Just Harry...

The End....

AN: There you go, I know it's probably not what people wanted me to post first in relation to all my other stories, but My entire house was being redecorated and I gotta admit I had broken my hand while I was being mugged and couldn't really type till it healed. But better late than never right?

Yours truly

The Evil known as Kai Lun Mau