Your Dwelling Evil

Myst

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 11/10/2004
Last Updated: 25/10/2004
Status: completed

Don’t blame yourself for this; it was him that caused all of this, not you. Never forget that. You are the medicine that is helping me cure myself, making everyday better then the last. I no longer sigh at the prospect of another day, I see the sun out and shining and a smile spreads across my face. Thankyou.... Thankyou for making my life something that I now want to live for. Thankyou for being my drug. Loosely based on angel_of_fire’s challange, The Young and the Abused!

Chapters

1. You Hide Behind a Mask...

2. Important Author Note!

3. You Are My Drug

1. You Hide Behind a Mask...

A/N: Okay this is loosely based around angel_of_fire's challenge, The Young and the Abused! This is very different from my other fic, TRRTHAITWIS (TRR for short). This is much more dark and emotional. It deals with a subject that most of us know of. This is something that should not be taken lightly; it is a real deep matter. There is an undertone of a rape tone in here. I have had it approved by PK mods, and it is quite mild, it is just mixed in there. But if you are uncomfortable with it then I hope you will read some of my other work, but I understand that you might not want to read this.

Disclamer: All of this stuff belongs to JKR. If I did own it (and I don't) the world would come to and end. So please don't sue me, this is just my take on things!

Big hugs and snogs to Angel for beta'ing!

Oh, just to clear this is before I start..... You. There is someone in this fic called You. You is unnamed, he does not have a face. He may be who ever you want him to be, he is not Ron, nor anyone that we know of. You choose who you want him to be. Okay. I love Ron to death, and I know others of you do too, so You is NOT Ron. Thanks.

Oh and I think He is pretty obvious as to who it is. This is a dairy/thing from Hermione's point of view.

Enjoy!

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Each one is different, unique, and special. They all have reason behind them, logic, and their own story to tell. After their birth each and every one of them has been showered with love, and then shielded from the rest of the world. Words of forgiveness have been pointed at me; all the same, all of them lies.

When those `love spots' brush against something the pain is nothing compared to what you do. Being touched by your callous fingers, hurts. Having them run over my skin as you do what you please is pure torture. My body goes cold at the though of it, my skin prickles when you are near. It knows what is coming; it remembers what happened last time.

I can't run. I am bound in place by unwanted chains; freedom is a thing of the past. Freedom and innocence no longer dwells around me. They vaporized when you came along. I want them back, I want my sanity back.

You love this, the feeling of power, control. It's what you live on, as soon as it disappears you are no longer here. Evil doesn't describe you. It makes you sound like a tender loving being. Like you even cared.

You love planting lies in my head. Making me think that this is for my own good. That this is all because you care. You say that all of this has been brewed from you love for me. It's all untrue. You never loved me, your sick and twisted mind found comfort in my body, in knowing I was helpless. You found pleasure in knowing that part of you was surging through me, pleasure in knowing I had been violated and broken. Your needs would come before mine. You knew that if you completely neglected me he would notice. And he would do something about it.

He. You know who he is. You always know that you and I could never be true. The two of us are so different. You crave power and came to me with lust. I, I crave freedom; I am searching for an angel, my angel. Opposites don't attract, they don't work. Opposites create danger, create death. You knew all this but still your lust overpowered your brain, keeping me for yourself while another sweet man is lost, waiting for me. Love drew myself and him together; but you spit upon love, love haunts your thoughts.

They are memories now. Memories that, everyday, drove me a little bit more insane. Memories that urge me to plot my escape everyday. And when I do go, you find me and punish me, punish us. Punish the evil that you placed and that blossoms inside me.

I ran today. Left you for a few minutes of peace from all this. As always you knew and punished me when you found me. But this time your punishment went too far. My body has been stretched to its limits. You know you need to get help for me, or else you will be uncovered.

For once I feel comfortable. In my rousing sleep I start to hear voices. Your's is there, fighting to stay above the others. It takes me a moment to realize that there is only one other voice, his. It's too hard to try and understand what he is saying, but I know you don't like it, and I know it's about me. When I've mustered the energy to open my eyes, white light is everywhere and I know you must have found help for me. Then I think I'm in heaven, he is standing there watching me, fear, anger, compassion and love coursing through his eyes. He throws himself towards me and I flinch, thinking I must have done wrong. He never missed it and stops to look at me, confusion filling his beautiful green eyes. I feel rage bursting out of your body as his lips brush against my cheek.

My sanctuary quickly fades as you fly at me, your hand outstretched, ready to hit me. He has stepped back from the bed, surprised at your action. So I take a chance, I run. The halls fly past me and I hear his heavy footsteps thundering behind me. Yours closely followed. My brown curls fly behind me, while by body is aching and begging me to stop. When I take another look ahead I see two men, standing there to block my path and stop me. And I freeze and drop to the ground. Tears and screams rattle by body and I notice my arms aren't covered. The material that covered my shame, my disobedience, was gone. I was naked, left for the world to see. And nobody cared.

His arms come around me, slowly, as if he were afraid I might collapse into another fit. But my tears are gone, and I am left cold, feeling unwanted. I love his arms; they are gentle but strong at the same time. I feel his glasses press against the back of my head, as he begins to mumble words into my ear. His voice has always soothed me. I don't want to fight and go away. I feel his warmth leave me as he gets up and faces you. I do not know what happened next as blackness once again swallowed me.

~~~

When my eyes are open I see that he has gone. It's just you and I. Fear swells up within me, I want to know what you have done to him. You get up and have a go at me, not knowing about the tiny soul inside me that you are harming. I decide you can't know yet, my body is not ready for yet another punishment.

I know what happened. I can feel it in the air around me. And I want to thank you for not making it harder then it is. You knew this was coming, when faced with it you would cower, but then parade around like it was nothing. No one can outsmart him, not even you. He knew you were the source of my dreams, the reason I would wake up oiled in sweat. I once thought I knew who you were, but then you smiled and the world came crashing. You never lived; you were covered with a face and given a script. I know you can never live now; he had gotten you to fade. You will never leave completely; I have got fresh markings drilled into my skin to show your existence. But for now you are gone, buried deep and stored away. He has done what I have longed to have done, but have never been able to do.

He is the reason behind my living. He took my nightmares away. He is my nirvana, and he is my saviour. But most important of all, he locked you away beneath the ground, and you will never be able to hurt me again. He is my Harry, he is also my angel, special, unique.

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2. Important Author Note!

I can see that all of you are confused. So I will clear a few things up.

~~~Oh, just to clear this is before I start..... You. There is someone in this fic called You. You is unnamed, he does not have a face. He may be who ever you want him to be, he is not Ron, nor anyone that we know of. You choose who you want him to be. Okay. I love Ron to death, and I know others of you do too, so You is NOT Ron. Thanks.

Oh and I think He is pretty obvious as to who it is. This is a dairy/thing from Hermione's point of view. ~~~

Did you read that?

Because that explains a few things.

I am going to write another chapter to try and explain things, in story format.

Oh and please don't except lots of lovely-dovey scenes. This is not what this story is about.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

-Myst

Ps. As to what happened to `the abuser', well think very hard about what `But most important of all, he locked you away beneath the ground' normally means.

Another chapter will be coming your way in a few days!!

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3. You Are My Drug

Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter! Okay, here is the second chapter. Sorry for the wait, I was taking a vacation in Bali!! Yayness. I know this is short, but its just here to wrap everything up. While writing this I listened to any music by Evanescence. I think it really helps sets the mood for it all. Try it!

Snogs go out to Angelpi for betaing! I would love to know what you think about this. Enjoy!

Chap 2: You Are My Drug

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He, my angel, took me, and kept me in a safe place. Away from the prying eyes of the world and into his heart. He took me away from you. He was my medicine for so long, and still is my drug, keeping me sane.

You. You are still around, in my mind. You will never leave, will you? You are going to keep on haunting me. Keep on disturbing my sleep and reminding me what the scars on my body mean. It seems your sprit still lusts after me. But could you please go away. Can't you leave me in peace for one minute?

You are still alive, to me you are. People say that you still live on only in my head, but he knows that that is not true. We both know that you are still here, slipping through the air, following me. I once thought that he had put you to rest, but now I know that is not true. Even after he buried your corps underneath the ground you rose through the dirt, searching for me, seeking me out. Your sprit will never rest, no matter how hard I try. So I will keep on with my drug, as long as he will have me.

I can't believe I lived for so long without him. But now that I think about it, I never lived with you. I was your servant, following you around and letting you do what you please. But with him, I am an equal. I am never told what to do, never forced to do anything without my consent.

When it first started I was afraid, you had always taken away my freedom, locking it up and storing it in a far away place. But when he gave me this new thing I had never felt better. It was something that almost measured up to his sweet action of a kiss on my cheek. But nothing could ever be that good, nothing was. Until I discovered more.

He is my drug, and he is my angel, and I am addicted.

My angel, I like the sound of that. You know him, he took me from you before you stole the rest of my life away. He found the key to the chains you had forced upon me, then he walked me up the road to his heart. He and I have something the two of us never had. Hope, love, a future? It could be all of those or it could be none. I, just like you, were given a script, and I read off it like a good little girl. Never once thinking about what I was saying. Thankfully he didn't miss his queue and walked in at the right time.

He really is my angel, golden in so many ways. With his beautiful green eyes and a heart that could fill the world. I look forward to discovering even more of the love him and I share. A love that pulled me away from you just in time.

I never told you I once had the beginnings of your babe in my weak body did I? That thing is gone now. It seems everything you touch turns to ice. That thing was a part of you, so I added heat to melt it away. It went away; to where, I don't know.

***

He and I made love yesterday. Like real love. That's when I finally found out what those funny feelings where in the pit of my stomach. We didn't just have sex, or a quick shag. We made actual love, with emotions and everything.

He taught me something. That emotions really do matter. That's not what you said, you said emotions would just mix things up, confuse you. But that was just another one of your lies that you wrote down and told me to memorize. He said they make things clearer, real. I believe him, because I know love radiates off me when I'm near him. I know that that feeling in my stomach is love.

***

I was a foolish school girl that day and I never really thought about what I did. People might say it's his fault. But I wanted to do that. So I must take full responsibility for my actions. That's what you would make me do.

The medi-witch was amazed at how calm and quite I was during labor. But she doesn't know real pain, like the pain you gave me. So I pushed all those images away, and focused on what was happening, focused on anything that wasn't about you. It was a miracle this was happening, and I intended to enjoy every minute of it. Hours later I held a newborn babe in my arms, screaming while its lungs pulled in air. It didn't matter she was screaming, she was alive and well, and in my arms.

He sat next to me, tears brimming his eyes as he watched his daughter in my arms. She was not poisoned with bits of you. She was pure and clean. But most of all, she was a special part of him and I.

***

Why are your dreams retreating? Are you finished with me now? Can I believe you are now just a nightmare? You are just a sprit, no longer in the realm of living.

His gift was a home.

Your gift was my freedom.

Her gift was my sanity.

They are my angles, and you are the devil. I know who won in this battle, do you?

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