Absence

diggingupophelia

Rating: R
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 15/10/2004
Last Updated: 21/10/2004
Status: in_progress

Everyone thought Harry was dead, now Ron has died avenging his death. Can love survive a lie? Ok, the story is better than that, I just suck at summaries. Read and Review! Problem fixed, easy to read now!

Chapters

1. untitled

2. Ron's Idea

3. Hermione...

1. untitled

A/N Thank you to all of you reviewed. The next chapter is almost done. I fixed the formatting, yay me! I stayed up until 4 in the morning trying to fix it so you could actually read it without having to decipher ancient runes! Have fun, and remember if you haven't read it yet, leave a review.

Absence: Chapter One

Hermione just stared ahead in utter disbelief. There had to be a logical explanation for this. Hermione quickly searched her mind for all of the possible answers. “Well I know I'm not dead” was all that she could manage to sputter. “But you are” she reached out again to touch the figure who stood before her. The man was so solid and warm, ghosts weren't warm she knew that. The next thought that went through her mind was that maybe this was a cruel joke played on her, her heart was breaking all over again and she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. The man who stood across from her just reached out his hand and brushed her tears away with the tip of his thumb, as he did this that familiar warm feeling spread across her body and there was no longer a doubt in her mind. Hermione threw her arms around him and just let herself cry as many happy tears as she could muster.

She pulled herself away from the man standing in front of her and her eyes drank in the sight of Harry Potter. The man she had loved since she met him, but didn't realize until the night before he died…then she corrected herself, the night before he disappeared. Harry had managed to kill Voldemort, but no one could find him. The whole wizarding world searched for days and days but no one could find him. Hermione was grief stricken, she and Harry had been together since the summer of 5th year and in one day it was all taken away. All of it.

Now Harry spoke up, “I'm not dead. I…I”

Hermione didn't care where he was for the past four years, all she cared about was that she was in his arms right now. Right now was as good a time as any for Harry to come back, there were less complications now. She was horrified at herself for thinking that, Ron was not a complication - he was your best friend, your husband, almost all that you had left after Harry… she wouldn't let herself remember what life was like when Harry wasn't there. Then she remembered she had to tell him about them…

Harry interrupted her thoughts by lifting her chin so until her brown eyes were level with his emerald green ones; somehow she thought that there was less luster in his eyes now. “ I wasn't dead, I was in hiding…the Order made me go into hiding…they weren't sure Voldemort was really dead…so I had to pretend that I was…” he was angry with her and Ron for not realizing, he was angry at Dumbledore for not telling them, angry that he had been forced to live these past four years alone and with one word all of that anger came out of him, “dead”.

Hermione's heart stopped, and she reached out to him. She could tell that he wanted to back away from her touch but he didn't. “Harry I…we…Ron had no idea”

“It's ok, I mean it isn't like you were upset I was dead anyway, you married Ron what three weeks after they buried that empty coffin?” He asked, but he knew the answer full well, he had seen it in the Daily Prophet, it had made front page news. When he read the headline his screams could have been mistaken for the cry of the werewolf. Harry had smashed everything in his path and lived in the wreck of a house for six weeks until he used the `reparo' spell and finished his period of grieving. “I just came to tell you I…I'm sorry about Ron”

“Harry” her eyes were screaming the truth to him, but he couldn't hear it, “Harry, I didn't want to marry him, I…”

“Then why did you marry him and so soon?”

“It was Dumbledore's idea, I had to make sure I was protected from him”

“Why? Why did you forget me so easy?”

Hermione was getting irritated, “Forget, I never forgot, ever!” as she said this she thrust her left hand at Harry's face, he grabbed it in disbelief, it was the engagement ring that he had bought and had never had the chance to give her. “Ron found it in your things when he was packing up the dorm, we decided it would be best to use this one, since you were the reason we had to be married in the first place”

“What do you mean had to be married?” Deep in his heart Harry knew he knew the answer to that question. He had gone over the situation over and over again in his mind when he was alone; in the weeks before the final battle, Hermione had waken up on more than one successive morning with the sudden urge to vomit, and she was tired all of the time. Harry had had his suspicions but he didn't say anything to her, he wasn't sure why though.

***

Hermione found herself back in Dumbledore's office the day that she was getting ready to go home and learn to live her life without Harry

“Ms. Granger” Dumbledore said as he looked up from the pensieve, “I'm glad to see that you're right on time” His face seemed to have aged a hundred years since she had last seen him before they all went to fight.

Hermione sat herself down in the chair, she wasn't quite sure why she had been summoned into the office, and then as she was looking around, she noticed that Ron was in the office too. “What the bloody hell is going on here!” Hermione hadn't meant to be so cross, but she was dealing with too much right now.

“Ms. Granger,” started Dumbledore, “There is something we need to tell you. Now we know we have lost Harry” Dumbledore looked to her as if he were about to cry and he hesitated a bit before he went on. “But Madame Pomfrey has informed me of your condition. Am I correct in assuming our fallen hero is the father?”

Hermione just nodded and reached her hand over her abdomen as Dumbledore kept on talking, “Well, we aren't sure if Voldemort is really dead yet, so we need to make sure that you are protected, he can't know Harry has children”

Then Ron cut in. He was on his knee in front of her holding what looked to her a ring that was very similar to the engagement ring she had told Harry she adored in passing once. “Hermione, you are my best mate's girl, and he gave his life so you and all of us could be free, so I am going to do right by him and you and protect his children for him. So please say that you will marry me so that we can work together to keep Harry alive. I can't promise that I will take Harry's place because I can't and I won't, but I can promise that your children will have a father and a house full of love. Because I do love you in my own way”

Hermione knew that this really wasn't a choice. She had no choice in the matter, she had to put Harry in the back of her mind and live out her life for their children. So she took the ring and put it on her finger and whispered “yes” through a wall of tears.

**

“I was pregnant…with…”

“Ron's children… I see you didn't waste any time” As soon as the words flew out of his mouth he was horrified with himself.

“Harry! You know that isn't true. Honestly, I know that you knew that I… that we… that we were going to have a baby when you took up your wand and marched out onto that battlefield!” Harry's expression didn't change, he just stared at her. She always knew what he was thinking, always and even now that hadn't changed. He didn't even need to ask the next question, “Where is our son or daughter?”

“Our son AND daughter are home, I didn't think it was a good idea for them to be at the funeral” She saw his stunned expression followed by that smirk, “Legillmancy” then she paused not wanting to admit that she could still read him like her tattered copy of Hogwarts: A History, “Why are you here now, Harry?”

“Because Ron died, because I knew you would be here, because I know I killed Ron”

“No, Draco Malfoy killed Ron”

“He died trying to avenge my death”

Hermione's heart was aching. She was angry that thing had to turn out this way, it should have been that immediately after the battle, all three of them should have been put into hiding so that she could have had Harry always and so that Ron could be alive and happy with Luna. “He died because it was time for him to die, he knew and so did I…” her voice trailed off.

Harry just looked at her, she was still so beautiful, but he felt a pang of guilt, could he really allow himself to have a relationship with his dead best friend's wife? “ Hermione, I know this isn't the absolute best time, but I want you to know that I love you”

“ I know, and I love you” she paused just taking him in, she was still in shock that he had returned, “But this is not a bad time…” she didn't want to make herself say the things that she had been thinking earlier, it wouldn't have been fair to Ron. Ron, thoughts of him got caught in her mind and she couldn't wash them out just by looking at Harry no matter how hard she tried to focus on other things she couldn't bring herself to remove Ron from her thoughts. Her mind flashed back to the time just before they were married, when they found out that Harry had died fighting Voldemort.

***

“Hermione” Ron whispered as he sat next to her in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts, “I don't really know if you can hear me right now or not, but I have to tell you. Maybe if I tell you, you'll wake up and…” Ron broke off into a fit of crying. Hermione heard all of this, but she didn't open her eyes, if she kept her eyes closed then maybe she wouldn't have to face the truth, that is what she was thinking. But then Ron stopped crying and then grabbed Hermione's hand, “Harry, oh God Hermione, Harry he didn't make it…no one can find him….all that is left is a pile of ash and his glasses…his wand is even gone. I promise I will get who ever did this, I'll get revenge for you and Harry”

Hermione opened her eyes, they were brimming with tears as Ron reached for her hand and squeezed it as hard as he could. Ron had known that Hermione was pregnant, Madame Pomfrey told him because she had almost lost the babies, but she didn't…for that Ron was greatful. He couldn't stand to watch her suffer the loss of so much in such a little time. Ron never asked for Hermione to help him grieve Harry, never, instead he stood by her and gave her all of the support he could give…he tried as hard as he could to fill as much as the gap he could that Harry had left behind.

***

Hermione focused on the coffin that was being lowered into the ground for a moment before Harry's touch pulled her back. “Voldemort is dead Hermione. We could finally have the life that we were meant to have.”

“I know we could” she turned to him and just kissed him deeply. All those old emotions came flooding back to her. No longer was Ron tangled in her thoughts, Harry's kisses freed Ron from her mind momentarily, he would never really leave her, that she knew for certain. Yes she had grown to love Ron, but she would forever be IN LOVE with Harry.

“Let's start by letting me meet…”

“Lily and James”

“You named them after my parents? A little cliché don't you think?” he said in shock, the tried to cover it up with a joking tone. He had two children … that was more than he could have ever hoped for.

“Ron named them, he thought it was a nice gesture” she said as she turned her head to the place where Ron's body was now resting for eternity.

“Well I can't wait to meet them” Harry said as he grabbed Hermione's hand and brought it to his lips. “I have missed you so much”

“Me too. Let's go then, Ron isn't really here anyway… he is someplace better than this” she lead Harry by the hand to the Apparation point so that they could go back to the home she had shared with Ron at Godric's Hollow so he could meet his children and Ron's children, the children he would have to father for the best friend who died.

***

As Harry and Hermione disappeared, Dumbledore walked out of the wooded area with a red headed Weasley and stood near the open grave. Ron threw a white rose on to the empty coffin.

Dumbledore spoke first, “You have done a very noble thing for your best friends, Ron”

“They were supposed to be…” Ron was going to add but you ruined it and it was the least I could do, but he didn't. Dumbledore never did anything without everyone's best interest at heart. “I'm just glad you told me he was alive. If I had to see Hermione so upset for one more day, I really would be in the ground, and Harry finally needs to be loved”

***

Fin

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2. Ron's Idea

A/N: I must say that of all the stories I have posted on PK, this one seems to be the one with the weakest reception, and that is fine, however, this is the one that I like the most. I don't know why though. It is completely different than the other pieces I have posted, but this one has been the most emotionally draining for me to write, maybe that is why I like it so much. Plus I wrote this pieces after I totally painted Ron as the ultimate arse and prat in `Black and Blue' so I decided to redeem him a bit in this. I know it isn't exactly a happy story but sometimes I feel like being melodramatic and angsty (I know that really isn't a word). I want to know what you think of this even if you don't like it, so please review. I am asking though that if you don't like it please say something constructive instead of rude.

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Ron spent some time over his empty grave while the dirt was shoveled over it, one load at a time. He watched as his former life was buried away. Dumbledore stood next to Ron and kept his hand on his shoulder the entire time. Ron was crying for himself, for his children, for his wife, and for his best friend. Ron had prepared for this moment for the better part of a month, it was all a set up. Draco had been working for the Order, and the two of them had staged their death.

Ron was sitting in his study working on some plays for the Chudley Cannons, as the assistant Head Coach this was his responsibility. He was ripped out of his thoughts by the sound of pecking on the window ; it was Hedwig. This in and of itself was not unusual, Ron had decided to take care of Hedwig after Harry died. Ron noticed that Hedwig carried a letter bearing the Hogwarts' seal. Again this was not in and of itself unusual, occasionally Dumbledore would send Order instructions to Ron using school stationary. Ron took the letter off of Hedwig's leg and reached around in his desk for an owl treat, then he opened the letter.

The letter was in Dumbledore's own hand:

Ron,

I do not know how difficult this news is going to be for you to bear, but it is something I need to tell you. You are aware that the Order is confident that Voldemort is dead (Ron it is ok to stop grimacing whenever you read or hear this name), I can now tell you with out fear for any of you that Harry is alive. I think you and Hermione should consider telling him about his children. How or if you tell Hermione of this letter is your choice. However I trust you will do the right thing.

Albus

Ron read and re read the letter at least a hundred times. He couldn't believe what he was reading. “That old fucking…” he started, he couldn't think of something awful enough to call Dumbledore. Harry was alive the whole time, and Dumbledore just let their lives be ruined. It wasn't that Ron didn't love Hermione or the life that they had created together, he did, but he knew that Hermione wasn't as happy as she deserved to be and he was positive that Harry wasn't as happy as he deserved to be. Harry who had never had any family to speak of was delibearately kept away from him by the man Harry looked up to.

Harry. That was the only person Ron could think of right now. How had he felt when he found out that he and Hermione had married and so near the time he died. Dear Merlin, how that must have hurt him more than anything.

Ron had the sudden urge to go to Hogwarts and wrap his hands around Dumbledore's one hundred and sixty year old neck and squeeze until that old fucker's sparkling blue eyes popped out of his head. Then maybe he could get a glimpse into that brain to see what that old coot was fucking thinking. He was beyond angry about what he had learned, but he knew what he had to do.

After Ron calmed down and stopped himself from Apparating in front of the gates of Hogwarts to seek out Dumbledore, “that manipulative…son of a bitch”, he sat down at his desk and pulled out a fresh piece of parchment.

Harry

I never knew. If I had known, things would be different. I have a way to fix this mess. Owl me when you get this.

Ron

Ron sent Hedwig to find Harry, he knew it wouldn't be long, but he knew what he had to do. He left his office and went to spend his last days with his wife. He was going to give Hermione the life she had always wanted.

“Hey. Love” called Ron from the door way of Hermione's study, where she sat with her four children, two were Harry's and two where his. She was telling the children about Harry, it was one of their favorite story topics.

Immediately Hermione sensed that something was off, “What is it?”

“I have gotten Orders from Dumbledore. They have found the last Death Eater, I am going to get him…for Harry”

“Ron it is enough, Harry is dead and there is noting you nor I can do to bring him back”

“I have never broken a promise to you, and I am not going to start now” he turned his back on his wife and went to the room they had shared together for the past four years. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared into the fire. Hermione interrupted his thoughts.

“Ron, I don't want to lose you too”

“You'll never be alone, Hermione, I need to do this for Harry”

Ron held Hermione close to him and breathed her in; this would be the last time that he would hold her like this. This would be the last time he would make love to her. This was his way of saying good bye and he knew it and so did she, she always knew things like that. After they were done making love he left her sleeping in the bed and went to his study to wait for Hedwig. She did not disappoint.

Ron,

I don't know what you are planning, but you cannot make this right. Nothing will ever be the way it was again.

Harry

Ron threw the parchment into the fire. He gathered up his favorite photographs of himself and the children and of course Hermione, and one of The Trio right before the final battle. He went into each child's room and kissed them on the forehead, and then to Hermione.

Hermione,

I'll be there for you, whatever you do, wherever you go, I'll be there no matter what. I love you and the children, but I have to do this for Harry. If something happens to me I want you to move on. Do not dwell on my memory and let it hold you back. Be happy, you deserve it.

Love always and forever,

Ron.

Ron left the house he had called home and went to Number 12 Grimmauld place to floo Dumbledore. If anyone could manipulate the situation the way it needed to be manipulated, it was Dumbledore. He was the cause of this mess and he was going to clean it up as best as he could.

Dumbledore sat at the table in the kitchen of Grimmauld place his hands folded and resting against his nose, “No, Ronald”

“What do you mean, No. You owe this to Harry and Hermione, they deserve the chance to raise their children together. Look Draco and I are going to do this with or without you”

“It cannot be done. The truth will be discovered, it always does, then what”

“Then Harry and Hermione will be happy. They should never have been split up. Never”

“It could not be avoided”

“Liar. You planned to put Harry into hiding all along, you could have taken us all away and Luna. We could have all had the lives we wanted, we could have all been happy. But you didn't want that. It is your fault that our lives were all so miserable. Yours and yours alone. You are a manipulative, conniving, arsehole”

Dumbledore said nothing. He just let Ron vent his frustrations on him. “Fine, you can do it, and I will help you”

“About time you saw it my way. I have told Hermione that we found the last Death Eater, everyone assumes it is Draco, so he has agreed to play along. I told Harry I would make things right..”

“You told Harry you were going to go into hiding?”

“No, he doesn't know anything about that, he will probably think it is a suicide mission, but I don't care”

Ron got up from the table and went to the room he used to share with Harry. The fight would be staged the following day and with in the next week, Harry and Hermione would be together.

Now Ron stood at the grave, waiting for Dumbledore to take him into hiding so that his friends could have the life they always deserved.

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3. Hermione...

A/N: I wanted to put this in the last chapter, but it wasn't turning out the way I wanted it to, frankly it still isn't perfect, but I am going to post it with the hopes that your feed back will help me to make it better.

Hermione…

Hermione feigned sleep while she listened to her husband's footsteps walk away from her forever. She knew he would never be coming back to her, and for a moment she hated him for it. She hated him for leaving her alone; he swore to her…she couldn't think anymore about the past, it wouldn't do to dwell on dreams she could never have. Instead she curled herself up into the fetal position and held herself, tears falling freely from her eyes mourning the loss she hadn't even suffered yet. All night she cried, she only stopped when her daughter Lily bounded in the room, tears streaming down her own face, “Mummy, I had a dream about the man with the green eyes again…he was sad and alone and he was screaming the most awful kind of scream, like Uncle Remus from the dungeons of Hoggywarts”

Hermione smiled, “Hogwarts, darling…come on I'll tuck you back in to bed” she led Lily back to her room, tucking the girl in stroking her busy black hair until the girl fell into the waiting arms of sleep. Hermione fell asleep crouched on the floor next to her daughter still stroking her hair and she found herself had a dream about the man with the green eyes…

“I love you Hermione”

“I love you too, Harry” his felt smooth on her tongue.

“Now, you're sure about this?”

Her only response was to kiss his soft and supple lips and pull him down onto her body. The clumsily removed each other's robes and cast them to the side. She pushed him down to the ground and pulled his tie off, then he did the same to her, they played this game one garment at a time until they were sitting before each other with nothing left to hide behind.

Harry gently pushed Hermione down onto his plush four poster bed in the corner of the Gryffindor dormitory. He kissed her lips, then her neck, trailing kisses down her body making certain stops along the way. She was shocked when he lingered over her erect nipples sucking them and gently flicking them with his tongue, earning himself a deep pleasure-full moan from her rose petal pink lips. She ran her hands through his hair and only let go when he reached her warm center. Harry kissed and caressed every part of her sex with his tongue, savoring the moment when she started to shake. He kissed his way back up her body…. And then he transformed into a pile of ash before her, nothing left but glasses…glasses and the image of his deep green eyes

Hermione woke with a start, her heart was pounding in her chest and tears were welling in her eyes, but she was not sure for whom she cried. If she had listened to her heart, she would have known she was crying for herself. She had that dream so many times…

Hermione was pulled from her thoughts by the tapping of Hedwig at the window. She knew what news the owl had dragged with her from where ever it was she had come. The envelope was black, with silver scrawl, it was addressed to Hermione Granger, no on had called her that in four years, and with out breaking the seal of black wax bearing the Ministry seal, she knew her Ron was dead, gone to join her Harry, while she was left alone to care for all of their children. The children she thought are the only reason I don't turn my wand on myself. None of her children would fully understand what happened to Ron, yet, she would tell them he was gone of course, but they wouldn't understand.

Hermione wanted her children with her now, she went to each of their rooms one by one, and scooped each child into her arms walking to her bed setting them down until all of her children were sleeping in her bed, she herself lied down with them and stared off into oblivion, waiting until they woke from their last night of life the way it was to be welcomed into their harsh new world.

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