Rating: PG
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 21/10/2004
Last Updated: 25/04/2005
Status: In Progress
It's time Lily gave James the benefit of the doubt.
Just That Simple
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Of course it had to be him who sent the note.
Lily Evans sighed as she stood in the entrance of The Three Broomsticks calculating the odds of leaving without having him notice. She pinched the bridge of her nose when she felt the familiar eyes on her. Too late. Running a hand through her thick red hair she reluctantly made her way towards the person who had requested her company. Surprisingly, he wasn’t surrounded by his usual group of friends. Her green eyes narrowed when his hand immediately shot up and ruffled his hair. Ugh.
What was she thinking when she found that note?
[Meet me at noon in The Three Broomsticks this weekend.]
Note to self. She thought as she cautiously sat down across from him. Ignore any unsigned notes.
“I wasn’t sure if you would actually show up.” He admitted. Tilting his head, a grin formed on his lips. “I’m glad you did though.”
Well if you found a note on your table that told you to meet someone there, what would you do? Lily thought sardonically. Then she realized how irrational it was that she came here in the first place. What if the note had been some sort of trap set by someone who wanted to kill her? She was a muggle born for crying out loud! There had to be thousands of witches and wizards who wanted to see her dead. Avoiding these types of meetings was one of the first things her parents taught her as a child. Just because she was a witch didn’t mean that she was immune to this type of danger.
Merlin, how did she become Head Girl when she was so careless?
He cleared his throat and brought her out of her thoughts. “Evans, you really shouldn’t let your mind wander when someone’s speaking to you.”
Great, leave it to him to make her realize yet another flaw about herself.
She rolled her eyes. “Where was this side of you in school, Potter? Things just go in one ear and out the other with you.”
“I’m deeply hurt by your accusation.” He stated with his hand on his chest. “I pay loads of attention in school.”
“Let me reword that. Things that aren’t about quidditch and pranks go in one ear and out the other with you.”
He beamed. “Well, close enough.”
James Potter, star Chaser in the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a member of the infamous Marauders, and one of the most sought after guys at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the flesh. To add to the list, a now reformed gentleman (and she uses that term loosely) and recently made, Head Boy. The fact that he was a very rich pureblood didn’t hurt his reputation at all either.
Although Lily had to admit that he had changed since she exploded at him by the lake during their fifth year, she was still sketchy about his sudden self-reform. No longer did he hex people walking down the halls or boast (for the most part anyway) about how he and his fellow Marauders owned the school.
As a matter of fact, he turned out to be a pretty intelligent person which surprised Lily very much. She never knew that there was actually a functioning brain in his head until recently when she demanded to know why he had been made Head Boy at the beginning of the year. Lily smiled slightly at the memory of her demanding to see Headmaster Dumbledore, convinced that there had been a mistake.
= = = = =
“There has been no mistake. Mr. Potter is the new Head Boy.” Dumbledore said pleasantly. The Headmaster watched as James leaned over to whisper “I told you so!” to the shell shocked girl.
“But Headmaster!” She protested. “He’s one of the Marauders, the biggest group of troublemakers that Hogwarts has ever seen!”
“You say it like that’s a bad thing.” James said amused.
“How can you make him a role model for the students? He’s spent nearly all of his time here in detention! Black and him have broken the record for most times landed in detention in a month!”
“It was actually a week…” He trailed off when Lily whirled around and fixed him with a glare. “Do you mind?!” she hissed, green eyes flashing dangerously. James held his hand up and preceded to gaudily motion his silence, all the while infuriated her even more.
Dumbledore smiled knowingly and managed to conceal it as Lily turned back at him.
“While that may be true Miss Evans, Mr. Potter is also one of the brightest students I’ve come across in a long time.”
James replied. “Thank you sir.”
“Since when?!” she demanded. How could this slacker be one of the best students in her year?
The headmaster shuffled through a pile of parchments on his desk. After a minute of searching, he finally pulled one out and handed it Lily. She took it and scanned the contents, her eyes wide. She slowly turned around and gave James a disbelieving look.
Confused, he asked. “What happened?”
“You received eleven O.W.L.’s in the fifth year?”
“Of course,” He stated like it was common knowledge. “I do know my materials Evans, contrary to your belief. I just failed Divination since I don’t have the ‘third eye’ or whatever rubbish they told me.” His hand shot up to ruffle the back of his head and grinned. Lily turned her attention back to the parchment in her hand to confirm the dreadful news.
Merlin, he did better than me! In every single subject, he had received an O except for Divination. Even in Charms, one of his weakest subjects, he managed to scrape one in. Numbly, she handed it back to Dumbledore, failing to see the mirth in his twinkling eyes.
“Are you satisfied with my reasons now Miss Evans?”
She nodded meekly and James grinned wider behind her.
“If you two would excuse me now, I have some things that I need to take care of.” The Headmaster rose and both students nodded and made their way out the door. Just when James was about to step out after Lily, he heard Dumbledore call his name. Turning around, a pair of warm blue eyes greeted him.
“Mr. Potter, do try not to give Miss Evans too hard of a time this year.” He said knowingly and James couldn’t help but grin back.
“Why Headmaster,” he replied innocently. “Where ever would you get that idea?”
= = = = =
Lily had spent the rest of the day nursing her pride while James continued to seek her out. Apparently, he was still hell bent on getting her to date him. Naturally, she did what every level headed girl would do in her position.
She hexed him so bad he was in the Hospital Wing for a week.
…Well not really. It would’ve been bad if the Head Girl did something like that at the beginning of the year. Lily had to settle for telling him off on the staircase in front of a few Slytherins and Ravenclaws. James left her alone after that humiliating episode and for a while, she was sure that he had finally gotten the message. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and he was back to pestering her again by the end of the week.
A waitress suddenly appeared and placed two butterbeers in front of them, startling Lily out of her thoughts. James thanked her and when he saw Lily’s confused expression, he grinned. “Well I figured that zoning out on me must be a dehydrating activity so I decided to get us something to drink, my treat of course.”
She nodded, slightly surprised. “I see.” He was definitely getting better as the days passed though. She took a sip in hopes of hiding the smile that played on her lips. Glancing up to see James grinning foolishly at her, she knew that he’d seen it. Prat.
Lily lowered her glass and closed her eyes for a moment to push her memories aside for the time being. When she opened them again, she was slightly startled to be staring into his brown eyes.
It wasn’t the fact he was looking at her without her knowledge that surprised her. No, she had gotten used to it over the years – when she felt like something was burning a hole in her back, most of the time it had been him. There had been the occasional ‘accidents’ where the back of her robes literally did catch on fire though, but it stopped completely when James found out who did it.
Malfoy had been in the Hospital Wing for weeks.
This time however, his eyes were serious, pensive almost. There was no trace of humor or mischief at all. He was staring at her so intently that it made her very self conscious.
“I-It’s rude to stare y’know…” Lily stuttered out and to her horror, she felt a bit of heat rise to her face. Must be the butterbeers. Apparently James thought otherwise and once again, the lopsided grin made yet another appearance. “Sorry. I was just wondering what you were thinking of.”
“Well I was wondering why you asked to meet me here.” She replied curtly, grateful that her steady voice had returned. Her eyes narrowed a bit as he shrugged and ran his hand through his hair again – what a horrible habit.
“I just wanted some company. Sirius landed in detention again and the others stayed back to take care of something and I figured that the next best thing was if you came.”
Lily blinked. Wait, did he just trick me out on a date?!
“No, this isn’t a date.” He said as if reading her mind. Then he added mischievously, covering her hand with his. “But if you want it to be, I don’t have a problem with it.”
“Don’t fool yourself.” She pulled her hand away quickly. “Why didn’t you get a real date then?”
He pulled his hand back and took a sip from his glass. “Didn’t feel like it.” Lily raised an eyebrow but didn’t press further. That seemed to be his answer an awful lot lately. Whenever someone would gather enough courage to ask him why his love life had been somewhat dead, the answer was always, “I don’t feel like dating now.”
She couldn’t complain though. Ever since he stopped dating every girl in their year, excluding herself of course, he had also stopped badgering her to go out with him. He still asked once in a while, but he wasn’t as persistent as before so they began to build a friendship tentatively. But that didn’t mean that she trusted him at all – far from it actually. They could merely hold a decent conversation on their best days together.
“Am I supposed to spend my entire day with you?”
“You act like you might die if you did.” He said sarcastically.
Before she could stop herself, the words fell out of her mouth. “It’s a risk I’d rather not chance.” Guilt washed over her almost instantly when his head snapped to the side – as if she had slapped him – to hide the hurt expression on his face.
Did she have to be like this? James thought, clenching his fists underneath the table. Sure he’d been a git in the past but he had changed for her.
Over the summer, his parents had questioned if he was truly their son when he started his summer assignments in July. Sirius nearly had to be admitted into St. Mungo’s from shock (“My friend has betrayed me!”). It hadn’t been easy to say the least. His relatives – what was left of them anyway – dropped by just to tease him about how he was finally growing up and how “this Evans girl” was surely the cause of this. His father especially had been quite unbearable.
“So, when are we going to meet this Lily Evans?” He teased. “I’d like for her to share some of her secrets on how to get you to behave.” A lot of the time he went to bed early in frustration. When it came time to return to Hogwarts, James was sure to show his new self to her. He barely got a response back, certainly not the one that he wanted. Having the girl you’ve been sweet on for years accuse you of being possessed isn’t a very nice feeling after months of self re-evaluation.
Why couldn’t she just give him a chance? He’d never done anything to her, which really was something if you think about it, and she would always turn him down without hesitation. If only he wasn’t in love with her, those “Not in a million years!” or “Leave me alone!” wouldn’t have engraved themselves in his chest so much. But he was and even though he endured rejection upon rejection with a shrug, even if his heart had sustained enough damage to leave him crying bitterly to sleep almost nightly over his unrequited affections, James never gave up hope.
He had stopped dating altogether since he knew that everyone else paled in comparison to Lily. It was just a reminder of what his life would be like, would become, if Lily walked out of his life after they graduated. He couldn’t bear the idea of spending his life with another witch. He’d rather die than live without her…but it was painfully obvious that it was the exact opposite with her.
James knew that he was losing this battle. Lily Evans was too good for him. She knew it, he knew it, hell even his friends knew it. And as much as he hated it, Lily would end up with some lucky bloke and he would be nothing more that the-boy-who-annoyed-her-at-school to her.
Even so, he was determined to have at least one memory of just the two of them so that she would at least be able to look back and know that he was a decent guy – just one memory to comfort him that he was in her grace for a moment in time.
That was the real reason he wrote her that note. But as usual, everything ended before it began. Not even ten minutes in and she’s already admitted that being around him might actually cause her to keel over. James winced and shook off the urge to grasp his heart – no doubt it was breaking again.
“Look, I promise not to make a move on you if you would just…just be pleasant today.” He watched her carefully and when she didn’t answer, he sighed and ran his hand through his hair for perhaps the tenth time that hour. “Forget it…this was a bad idea. Sorry for dragging you out here.” James stood up to leave with every intention to drown himself in a bottle of firewhiskey he had stashed under his bed for such occasions, when he felt a slight pressure on his arm that held him back. He turned to see Lily looking at him with apologetic eyes.
“Sorry, please stay.” Lily said quietly. James hesitated, but sighed and slowly sat back down. He could never deny her anything. He smiled though, despite his initial bitterness. After all, she had stopped him from leaving. That had to be a good sign right? Good mood temporarily restored, James was determined to show her the side of him that she always turned a blind eye on.
Meanwhile, Lily couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. She was ashamed of how she was acting. Somehow, he always managed to bring out the worst in her and it really wasn’t fair to him at all. He hadn’t done anything to merit her spite – recently anyway. What was worst was that he had been nothing but nice to her yet she still kept believing the worst in him. He was always there to make her smile when she felt a bit down and Merlin knew he did just about anything to get a laugh out of her.
When did she become such a cruel person?
Shaking her head slightly, she looked at him and decided to try and make an attempt to be nicer to him. “So, er- what were you planning to do today?” She cringed at how terribly awkward she sounded.
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Is Lily Evans actually nervous?” He teased. “Floo the Daily Prophet, I’ve got breaking news!” Lily rolled her eyes and promptly kicked him under the table, satisfied when she saw him wince. Wait, wasn’t she supposed to be nice to him?
Well, I did say ‘try’. She thought. “Answer the question Potter.”
“Aren’t we violent today?” Receiving a glare, he held up his hands in defense. “Nothing special really, just to a walk around Hogsmeade.”
“You really have nothing special planned?” Surprise laced in her voice.
He allowed himself to smirk a little. “You sound disappointed Evans.” Lily rolled her eyes. “Honestly Potter, you need to stop thinking so highly of yourself. If you really have nothing planned, then I might as well stock up on a few things.”
James drained his cup and slammed it down, startling her. “Ready when you are.”
“Slow down, I’m not even half-way done with my own!” Lily admonished, taking a slow sip from her cup out of spite. Honestly! She thought. Feeling his eyes on her yet again, she was ready to tell him to cut it out when her ears perked at the sound of her name. Apparently, they weren’t the only Hogwarts students enjoying a drink today.
“That can’t be them! She’d never willingly have drinks with him.” One girl exclaimed.
“Exactly, Lily Evans would never be seen with James Potter in public, much less a Hogsmeade weekend!” Another piped in.
“I’m telling you that it’s her!” A third voice insisted. “Who else do you know has hair that shade of red?” Lily blushed at that, subconsciously reaching up to smooth her hair back.
“Now who’s the one with the hair habit?” James teased. Snapping her hand back down, she glared at him, embarrassed. “Shut it Potter!” The gasps made her glance back at a group of girls sitting a few tables away from her own. James’ admirers no doubt. She thought, surprisingly irritated.
“That is her! I told you so!”
“But what is she doing sitting with James? I thought she hated him!”
“I knew she liked him all along! She was just hiding behind her so called ‘hate’. She’s so transparent.” The girls all nodded in agreement.
Then a girl Lily recognized as a seventh year Ravenclaw flipped her hair back and glanced coolly in her direction. “Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is with her anyway. She’s not even that pretty. Red hair, green eyes, how Irish of her.”
“Miranda!” A girl admonished next to her, though by the way she tried to smother her giggles, Lily knew that she agreed with her.
Lily felt her face burn with anger and embarrassment. James, who had been staring at her with quite a smitten look on his face felt his heart tug at how utterly adorable she looked when she blushed. Sensing that something was amiss however, he frowned as the giggles drifted to his ears.
“Don’t Miranda me,” The Ravenclaw replied. “It’s true and you know it. James could do so much better. I feel sorry for her really. She only has Head Girl going for her, and everyone knows that James will get bored of her and move on. She’ll be another has-been in another week or so, mark my words.”
Maybe we should consider targeting Ravenclaws too. James mused, gripping his wand tightly. He saw Lily bow her head down and lifted her chin up with his hand. He was startled to see her blink back her tears. He was even more startled when she spoke.
“I’m sure that Ravenclaw would’ve been happy to go keep you company today.” Lily said bitterly.
“Evans–”
“I’m done, let’s go.” She abruptly got to her feet and nearly stormed out had he not grabbed her arm and spun her around. “You’re not actually listening to those girls are you?” He said firmly. “I thought you were better than that – letting them get the best of you.”
Wrenching out of his grip, Lily shouted, “Just who do you think you are? I don’t care what you think of me! And for your information, those girls would never get the best of me even if I’m at my worst!”
“Right, and that’s so obvious since you’re two seconds away from crying.”
“I’m not crying!” She was beside herself with anger now, especially since a few drops slid down her face without her permission. “Not all tears are of sadness Potter! I’m just really mad!” Then James did something that made her falter. He smiled.
“Good.” He replied proudly. “Because you have nothing to worry about. You’ve got a lot more going for you than Miranda ever will.” He reached up and gently wiped her tears away. Lily was so surprised that she forgot to move away from his touch. Beaming now, James said in a purposefully louder voice, looking past her. “And I happen to think you’re beautiful. Anybody who says otherwise is just jealous.” At those words, Miranda’s face burned with embarrassment as James’ eyes landed on her coldly.
By now, Lily regained enough of her wits to step away from his touch and did as such only to realize that quite a few heads had turned their way – including Miranda and her girls. She saw the way they shook under James’ daunting stare and she felt her anger return with a vengeance.
“I don’t need you to stand up for me Potter. Save your empty words for them.” She snapped and stormed out after sending the girls a scathing glare of her own. She wasn’t surprised to hear the door bang open a few seconds after she had left, nor was she surprised at James calling out her name. What did surprise her was how he had managed to end up in front of her, effectively stopping her in her tracks.
He was a lot faster than she gave him credit for.
“Get out of my way.” She said angrily.
He didn’t budge and asked, “Why are you mad at me?”
“I don’t need to explain myself to you! Go back and spend the rest of your time with those girls, see if I care!” Lily knew that she was making a scene in the middle of the streets now but she could care less. She was too angry to pay them any mind. Angry at Miranda for snubbing her, at James for defending her when no one asked him to, but mostly at herself for getting so riled up. For while it was true that those girls didn’t get the best of her, that didn’t mean that they didn’t get to her.
It bothered Lily to no end how easily they got a reaction out of her. And since James was just so adamant about pestering her, she would take it out on him. “Go on, everybody knows that you’re going to grow tired of me anyway. Leave already!”
James grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to meet his eyes. “I’m not leaving you.” Lily was so struck by the panic she saw in his eyes, her anger receded. “But those girls–“
“Why would you even listen to them? They don’t even know me!” And that was the problem. “I don’t know you either.” She said looking away.
James sighed. This was definitely not how he wanted to begin their outing. Gently, he guided her face back towards him and smiled impishly. “What do you say we fix that by spending some quality time together?” Lily snorted and slapped his hand away. Contrary to her actions though, she smiled slightly. “Think again Potter. Why would I ever want to get to know you?”
Sighing dramatically, he replied knowingly with a sparkle in his eyes. “So that you’d realize you’re hopelessly in love with me and fall into my arms the second you do. It would make it getting hitched a lot easier.” Lily scoffed and shoved past him. “I think you’ve been hit by one too many bludgers at practice. That’s never going to happen.”
“Never say never.” James said in a sing song voice, even though she was too far ahead to hear him. He mentally patted himself on the back for cheering Lily up. Now if only I could get her to do that ‘falling in love’ bit...
Lily paused and looked back to see him still standing where she left him with that grin on his face. “Idiot,” She muttered under her breath. A bit louder, she called, “Are you coming or not? I have supplies to restock on!”
-----
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling in association with Scholastic Books, Warner Bros, etc.
Just That Simple
-----
When she said that she had to restock, he had offered to carry her things because that was what a gentleman would do. If he had known that she would’ve practically bought out the store, he would’ve reconsidered the offer.
“Was it really necessary for you to buy all this?” James complained for perhaps the tenth time.
Lily promptly ignored him as she went through her list of things to get. “Let’s see, I have quills, parchments, books, and ink…what else do I need?” Grumbling, James muttered something that she wasn’t able to hear. “What was that?” She asked sharply.
He lowered the bags on the ground and stretched out his cramped arms. “I need to buy some things too now that I think about it.” He mused, ignoring her question. “Would you mind coming?” She paused, but nodded. “I guess it would only be fair.”
“No, it’d be fair if I made you carry my things as well.” He corrected. “Lucky for you, I am a gentleman.” Lily rolled her eyes. “You’re no gentleman, Potter. What are you going to get anyway?” Giving her a sheepish look, he said. “I suppose Zonko’s would be a problem with you right?”
“Potter, you’re Head Boy!” Came her scathing response. “You can’t go around playing pranks on the students!” James sighed and shook his head. “Of course. Dreadfully sorry. Stupid of me to suggest it to you.”
Lily bit her lip. What was that supposed to mean? Sure she must come off as a terrible bore at times, but she was Head Girl. She had responsibilities and she was going to take them seriously – even if he wouldn’t.
Still, hearing him say, if not imply it, made her feel…well she couldn’t figure out what it made her feel but it was definitely nothing good. She watched him pick up the bags and say something that she didn’t catch. Only when he started walking did she realize that she was getting left behind. Lily quickly caught up with him as casual as she could. Damn him and his long legs!
“…I heard that they imported a bunch of new things from India. It’d be interesting to see what they have.” James said.
Not wanting James to know that she hadn’t been listening, she replied, perhaps a bit too quickly. “Oh definitely!”
“I never knew you liked those things.” He said mildly.
“Shows just how much you know about me.” Lily retorted, still unsure about what he was talking about and where he was taking her. “I happen to be very into that stuff.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “So would you be willing to role play for me?”
“Excuse me?”
James threw her a grin. “Surely you wouldn’t reveal this side of yourself if you didn’t mean to share it with me. Galleon Girl is only a few blocks away if you want to buy a few new robes.”
Lily froze with shock. Galleon Girl? Lily whirled around and slapped him smartly across the face – satisfied when his head whipped to the side.
“You pig! You think that I would actually shop in that – that tramp store?!”
“If I remember correctly you were the one who said you were into those things!” James retorted, rubbing his injured cheek.
“I didn’t know what you were talking about in the first place!” She shouted, her face burning with more anger than embarrassment. Honestly! And to think that she was going to be nice to him! Lily was about to give him a piece of her mind when she saw the triumphant gleam in his eyes. “Aha! I knew it.” He exclaimed. “You weren’t listening to me at all were you?”
She snorted. “Of course I was, imports from India and all that junk.”
“Well you obviously didn’t hear everything.” He replied. “I was talking about Honeydukes.”
Lily blinked. “W-what?” James sighed and gave her a look. “I was saying how Honeydukes had gotten a supply of sweets imported from India. That country’s been known for their Taffy Spice Lizards and I wanted to try some for myself.”
Lily flushed. “Why did you lead me on then?” She demanded. “And out of all places, Galleon Girl?!”
“It’s not my fault you’re so gullible.” James laughed. “How you didn’t notice that Galleon Girl was in the other direction is beyond me! It’s not even in Hogsmeade anymore. Too many parents were complaining and they had to relocate.”
“Good! This is no place to host things of that sort!”
“I couldn’t agree more!” He replied loudly and grabbed her arm. “Now that we’ve reached common grounds, let’s go.” James practically dragged Lily the rest of the way. “Hey, slow down!” Lily exclaimed, trying to pull free from his grasp. “Not everyone is a giant like you!” James stopped and gave her a sheepish grin, loosening his hold enough for her to snatch her arm back. “Sorry, I’ve just been looking forward to trying them for a while.” He explained, walking at a much slower pace.
“I couldn’t tell,” She said sarcastically, still wanting to smack him for his trick earlier. “Besides, don’t your parents buy you sweets?”
To Lily, it was a reasonable question. It was a known fact that the Potters were a very prestigious, very rich family. Naturally it was assumed then that his parents would buy him whatever he wished. The look on James’ face however, told her that she was wrong, big time. James grew solemn almost unnaturally, brown eyes seeming to cloud over. “Well,” He said evenly, a little too evenly. “My folks are really busy…being Aurors and such…it seems kind of silly to ask them for some sweets.”
Although his tone was controlled and she had to applaud him for giving nothing away, Lily had all she needed to know to feel really horrible. There was, after all, a war brewing outside the safety of Hogwarts. A war about who was deemed fit to practice magic and to live in the Wizarding World. Every day the Daily Prophet listed more casualties in battles and attacks. Every day people were falling victims for being ‘impure’ or because they were fighting to protect those people – to protect the innocent.
She never knew his parents were Aurors.
What were those names again? Oh yes. Mudbloods. Half-breeds. Blood Traitors.
Evans is a Muggleborn! Evans is a Mudblood! She remembered all too clearly. And James…his parents were Aurors – Blood Traitors. People who chose to be in danger, people who were fighting and sacrificing and dying so that people like her could be free to simply be in their world.
“Oh,” Lily said softly. Shaking his head slightly, James smiled at her. There’s that smile. She thought. He’s always smiling at me… like I make things that much better for him.
“Anyway, Mum never really wanted me to have too much sweets, said it was bad for the teeth.” Why? Why are you telling me this?
“Padfoot was the one who snuck me sugar when she wasn’t looking though. It drove her crazy when the two of us were bouncing off the walls and making vases explode.” This is so personal.
Lily realized that she was being too quiet and quickly said, “I can only imagine.” He looked down at her and their eyes locked, making her heart skip a beat. Please don’t look at me like that. James grinned and winked at her, making her look away as she felt a small blush bloom across her face. I don’t know what to think when you do.
“My Mum was made out of tough stuff Evans, don’t underestimate her. She had the two of us levitating upside down when we really messed up!” You must really love her. How can you possibly want me around when it’s people like me that put her life in danger?
James swore when Honeydukes was in sight. “Look at that crowd! I was hoping to get here earlier to avoid this.”
“Well why didn’t you then?”
“Nonsense, at the risk standing you up?”
“You didn’t have to wait, you know.” Lily said. “You didn’t even know if I was coming or not.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” He replied briskly. “If there was even a small chance that you would come, I’d wait as long as it takes.” Well she didn’t have a response to that. “Well come on. We’re getting in that store if it’s the last thing I do.” He took hold of her hand and led her quickly towards the store. Surprisingly, she couldn’t find it in her to protest this time.
James dragged her deep into the heart of Honeydukes where other students were cramped up trying to sample the newest item on shelf. Lily couldn’t help but smile at the happy energy. James heard her laugh and turned to look at her. Seeing his questioning gaze, she explained. “I’ve forgotten how busy this place is.” Nodding, he stopped when he reached the shelf stocked full of chocolate frogs and other assortments. James reached up and proceeded to stuff handfuls of Chocolate Frogs, Sugar Quills, and other sweets in his bag.
“Isn’t that a bit much?” Lily asked. He rolled his eyes and continued shoving sweets inside the bag. A tingling in his pockets made him grin and he discreetly slipped a few feet away from Lily while she was looking at a box of jumping jellybeans. James lowered the bags he was carrying and took out a small mirror. He was greeted with his best friend’s reflection. “Oi Padfoot, how’s detention going?”
Sirius Black rolled his eyes exasperated. “The same threats as always, you’d think they’d come up with something new from time to time.” James grinned. “Anyway, the Professor’s in one of her moods again so I won’t be able to make it out to meet you like we planned. You’ll have to get the stuff from Zonko’s yourself.”
“I wish I could, but Evans won’t go near that store. I suggested it earlier and she nearly ripped my head off.”
Sirius was floored. “You mean to tell me that she actually showed up?!” He exclaimed slack-jawed. “Way to go Prongs! Lady Luck is finally shinning down on you…that or she’s off her rocker.” James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Your confidence in me is quite astounding Padfoot, it truly is.”
“Well you must admit though, I’m the charming one.” He said looking quite pleased with himself. “You’re just the sidekick.”
“Don’t be daft,” James retorted. “I’m just as charming, if not more.”
Sirius shrugged. “Fine, deny the truth...Drat, I have to go, I hear McGonagall –” Sirius had apparently shoved the mirror into his robes because he disappeared from view. James could hear him trying to weasel his way out of being caught and snickered. “Hello Professor! Have a nice trip to the loo? Oh of course, terribly inappropriate, sorry…What? You must be mistaken, there’s nothing in my hands…no no, I swear it on my family honor…HEY!”
There was a quick fumbling and James realized that McGonagall had most likely summoned the mirror from his robes. “It’s just a mirror! I have to look my best for your class of course.” Sirius said innocently.
James broke the connection so that it would once again become an ordinary pocket mirror, thus saving Sirius some fast thinking. He might blow a fuse from the strain. He thought. Looking around, he realized that he lost track of where Lily was. James craned his neck a bit to look for her signature red hair and saw that she was curiously looking at a display of Cherry Criers. Grinning he grabbed the bags and made his way to her. Sneaking up behind her, he quickly grabbed her shoulders while shouting, “Boo!”
Lily nearly jumped out of her skin and she whirled around to see James clutching his sides, shaking with laughter. “You jerk.” She hit him on the arm, face flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry, couldn’t resist.” James replied once he calmed down. Adjusting his glasses, he grinned at her in that stupidly boyish way she found charming on occasions. “Looking at the antique candies are we?”
Still a bit miffed, Lily replied curtly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t lie to me. You were looking at the Cherry Criers.” He replied. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, I’m still fond of those lemon drops Dumbledore keeps offering me every time I visit him.” Lily looked at him curiously, anger fading away. “Lemon drops? As in the muggle candies?” He nodded. “Don’t you know? Oh well, I suppose not. When I was about six, the Wizarding World got swept up in the muggle phenomenon lemon drops. It was a nice sweet to suck on and quite affordable.”
“However,” James lectured on with a mock professor-like voice that made Lily crack a smile unwillingly. “The craze died down in a few years and lemon drops were quickly replaced by the now classic, Chocolate Frogs.”
“You made that up, didn’t you?” She accused. Startled, James looked at her as if to say, “Who me?” but the grin threatening to split his lips said otherwise. “Well yes, but I did get really addicted to them when I was a kid. Still am, I suppose.”
Lily looked back at the display. “Why are they called ‘Cherry Criers’ anyway?”
“You’ve never had one before?” He asked surprised. She shook her head. “You know that I must force you to try it then.” He unwrapped one of the foiled candy and held it up to her mouth. Hesitantly, she plucked the candy out of his hand and popped it in her mouth. A warm feeling spread over her as her muscles relaxed. The candy was very sweet and she closed her eyes to savor it. Lily opened her eyes when she heard James laughing and when she opened her mouth to speak, the strangest thing happened.
“Mew.”
James looked like he was suffocating.
Completely bewildered, she covered her mouth, afraid of what had happened to her voice. Slowly she uncovered her mouth and tested her voice again. “Meow?” Horrified, she turned to James who had just started to recover his composure.
“Relax Evans, it’s only temporary.” He said once he was able to speak. Seeing the murderous look in her eyes, he explained quickly. “The reason they’re called ‘Cherry Criers’ is because it tends to make people cry out different animal sounds. It’ll wear off when you’re finished eating.”
Almost immediately, he heard her crunching the candy in her mouth and swallowing it. Taking a deep breath, she softly spoke. “Hello?” Satisfied, she turned her glare on him. “Potter you jerk! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Where’s the fun in that?” He dodged her fist. “Anyway, who knew you were such an adorable pet? You were purring and everything!”
“Was not!” she exclaimed blushing. Great, how was she supposed to live that down? Stupid Potter and his stupid tricks. She thought vehemently. James smiled widely and hooked an arm around her shoulders, drawing her near. “You’re my little pet kitten! Aren’t you just the sweetest thing?” He pinched her cheeks as he cooed, making Lily turn a shade darker.
“Let go of me!” She wrenched out of his grip and turned away from him huffing.
“My kitten has claws.” He teased.
“I am not your pet!” Lily whirled around and sent him such a frosty glare that James immediately sobered up. “If you’re going to be such a bloody prat, I’m leaving.” She pushed her way through the crowd and managed to get out onto the main road. “He’ll never change,” She said to herself angrily. “Stupid of me to think otherwise…so stupid of me to–”
“Evans!”
Gritting her teeth, Lily purposely tuned out his voice and quickened her pace. She didn’t want to see him. She didn’t care anymore. He could stuff his face with candy until his teeth rots. He could go at break-neck speed on his stupid broomstick. He could run around with his stupid friends at night, get caught by Filch and risk expulsion. He could ruffle his stupid hair a thousand times a day. She hoped he starts balding when he turns twenty. It’s not like she ever worried about him. It’s not like even she cared about him. It’s not like he ever did anything but tease her. It’s not like he was serious in wanting her to be his girlfriend. What did she care? She didn’t.
Lily was so furious with him that she could’ve hexed him three lifetimes over when he grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him. Before she could chew him out like she was aching to do, he spoke first. “I was only teasing you know.” He said quietly. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”
The words ran in her head as she narrowed her eyes. “I’m overreacting?” She echoed, eyes flashing with anger. James wasn’t the least bit intimidated. “Yes, I think you are. If I’d have known you would be like this, I wouldn’t have said anything to you at all. I didn’t think that you would get so defensive about it.” He was using that tone again. That not-so-subliminal hint to her that he thought she was being a stiff.
“Just because I don’t appreciate your immature humor doesn’t mean that I’m overreacting!” Lily shouted.
“No, it doesn’t. Storming out and screaming at me when you know that I’m right and you’re wrong, that means you’re overreacting.” He replied, looking intently at her. She met his eyes defiantly for a few heartbeats before looking away.
Damn, he was right. She was overreacting, but there was no way that she could back down now. Not after yelling at him (again) in public. “You were being such a–”
“Bloody prat?” He supplied with a smile. “Yes, I’ve been told such. I’ve also been told that I was a big-headed fool, an insufferable jerk, an arrogant wanker, and my personal favorite, a delusional git with the intelligence of a Squib.”
“…I never called you the latter.” Lily stated cheeks tinted red from embarrassment. She wasn’t that mean to him, was she?
“No you didn’t, but I thought that it would’ve been fun to add that one in.” He winked and she couldn’t help but color more. James gave a quick laugh and stretched. “Now that we’ve done our row for the hour,” He said calmly as if she hadn’t been yelling at him a minute ago. “What do you suppose we do now? I don’t feel like braving through that crowd again.”
Lily shrugged, glad that he wouldn’t demand an apology from her. She always hated admitting she was wrong. “Just do a bit of window shopping I suppose.” James hesitated but acquiesced and started to walk with the bags down the road leading to the little shops dotting the streets. Lily followed and the two walked side by side in silence. She snuck a glance at him, noting the mild but happy look on his face before looking past him at a cute little store with a display of spring cloaks.
She would never admit it of course, that she had even spared him a glance and whether she did or not wasn’t the point. What matters in the end was that James saw her looking at him when she thought he didn’t know, and that made his grin that much wider.
Suddenly, he halted with wide eyes. Noticing that something was wrong, green eyes inquisitively fell upon him.
“What’s wrong?”
“I never got a chance to try the Taffy Spice Lizards!”
The reply was so unexpected, so completely childish that Lily couldn’t help the laugh that escaped from her lips. The look of such horror on his face…oh what she wouldn’t give for a camera right now, or better yet, a penseive! “You’re upset because you didn’t get your sweets?”
Miffed that she was laughing at him, James said, “Hey, don’t laugh at me! It’s your fault I didn’t get to try them.”
“Me? What did I do?”
Rolling his eyes, he replied, “As if you didn’t know. Don’t tell me you forgot that you stormed out of there all mad and how I had to run after you!”
Lily paused. “Hey, you didn’t have to go after me. Besides, I thought you went off to the display to get them when you disappeared. You must’ve forgotten it. Don’t try to blame me for you being absentminded.”
“No, I was no where near the display.” James retorted. “And of course I had to go after you. Do you really think that I would let you leave in such a huff?”
“Stop saying that. You don’t have to do anything for me. We’re not even friends.” Lily saw the immediate raw hurt in his eyes after she said that and covered her mouth, wishing that she could take her words back. James looked at her for a moment before shaking his head in disappointment.
“You were right. You obviously don’t know anything Evans, much less anything about me.”
She winced at his flat tone. Nice going Lily. She thought to herself. Way to go about being nice to him. She watched as James picked up her things and resumed walking with one hand stuffed in his pockets, a bit more slumped in posture than before. And it’s all because of me.
Before she knew what she was doing, she found herself running to catch up with him. Lily managed to get ahead and stopped in front of him. “Look, I didn’t mean what I said before.” She told him apologetically. “I mean, I think that we’ve gotten much better at communicating and–”
“Save it Evans.” He cut her off. “Don’t say things that you don’t mean. Besides, you’re right. We’re not really friends at all, are we?” For some reason, hearing her words coming out of his mouth cut her deeper than she would care to admit.
James managed a tight-lipped smile in hopes of elevating the distressed look on her face. “We still have a couple of hours left before we have to round everyone up to go back. Let’s finish that window shopping of yours.”
“No, we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t mind, there’s nothing else to do.”
“But if you don’t want to I’m sure–”
James laughed. “Don’t worry Evans, I’ll manage to survive your raging feminine needs for clothes and sorts.” Lily playfully punched him in the arm. “Doing be such a smart-ass. And this is nothing to when I really get in the mood to shop. I bet you wouldn’t be able to keep up with me. You’d probably end up sitting in a chair.”
“I probably would,” He conceded. “But it wouldn’t be so bad if I had some sweets to munch on.” She saw the disappointment flash across his face briefly before he covered it up, making her feel that guilty gnawing in her chest again. Lily had to make it up to him for putting up with her behavior today, and she knew exactly how. While she would most likely regret it, Lily was willing to do what was fair.
“You said that you’d show me around Hogsmeade correct?” She asked. He looked at her strangely but nodded. “Well I’ve never been to this one place and I was wondering if you would care to show me?”
“I thought you knew this place as well as I did.” James said. “Are you talking about the Shrieking Shack? I know a lot of people like to avoid going there but I can show you the inside.” He smiled playfully and winked at her. “If you get scared, I could hold your hand. I’ll make sure no ghosts will bother you with me around.”
“I’m sure that’s what you’d want to happen.” She scoffed. “But I was talking about Zonko’s.”
To say that he was shocked would’ve been the understatement of the century. “I’m sorry, I must be going deaf. I thought you said that you wanted me to show you Zonko’s Joke Shop.”
“I did.”
“Are you sick?” He touched her forehead with the back of his hand. “You aren’t that warm…maybe you’re just tired. That must be it. I told you to stop working yourself so hard over your Head Girl duties. I’ll take you back to the carriages so Madame Pomfrey can take a look at you.” James took a hold of her wrists but she promptly threw his hands off of her.
“Potter, I’m perfectly fine!”
“But you said–”
“I know what I said!”
Are you sure you’re not–”
“Potter!” James closed his mouth in fear of the agitated girl standing in front of him.
Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. When she opened her eyes, she looked at him and spoke.
“I’m fine. I want you to show me Zonko’s.” She said sincerely.
“W–why?” He asked, still a bit surprised. Her green eyes met his brown ones and James felt his heart jump in his throat when she smiled at him. It was the first time she smiled at him ever and it was better than anything he had ever imagined it to be. “Because I want to get to know you better.” She said simply.
It was then that Lily decided that it was the best feeling in the world that she could just string a few words together and make someone as happy as she saw he was. The look of excitement and happiness on his face made her feel pleasantly warm inside.
“Why, are we finally ready to discover your feelings for me?” He teased, eyes sparkling with delight. Lily rolled her eyes and started walking away from him. “I already know what my feelings for you are.” She called over her shoulder. “And believe me when I say that it’s no where near what your twisted mind is thinking of.”
“Well in that case, I just have one thing to say to you.” He called after her retreating figure.
Lily turned around to face him. “And what’s that Potter?”
James grinned happily. “Zonko’s is the other way!”
-----
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling in association with Scholastic Books, Warner Bros, etc.
Just That Simple
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It was embarrassing, it truly was.
In fact, it was so bad that she wished the floor would just swallow her up.
“It’s Lily Evans!”
“What’s she doing in here?!”
“Quick, hide that! She’ll give you detention if she catches you with it!”
“She can’t do that, can she? We’re not even in Hogwarts!”
“You fool! She’s Head Girl, of course she can!”
When she had tried to calm them down by just saying how she was just looking around, the tension had thickened.
“What is she talking about? Is she serious?”
“Must be some sort of trick.”
“What am I going to do? My folks will kill me if they find out about this!”
“Did Potter sell us out? Damn bloke will do anything for her after all.”
She glared at her companion who was busy trying to keep from laughing out loud. At least someone was having fun. “Just get your stuff and let’s go.” Lily grumbled crossing her arms. She would just stand by the entrance and wait for him there. James apparently thought otherwise because he grabbed her arm and gently tugged her into the heart of Zonko’s Joke Shop. “Don’t be like that.” He admonished playfully. “You said that you wanted to get to know me and you can’t very well do that if you’re just standing there!”
Ugh, me and my big mouth. Lily thought, reluctantly following him through the crowd from one shelf to another that seemed to slightly tip forward as if it would topple onto the kids any second. As James occupied himself with all the little gadgets around him, Lily took the time to observe him in what she liked to call, his “natural habitat”. For some reason, she didn’t expect watching him gathering all the things that she’d force him to turn in eventually to affect her like it did.
It was like watching a kid in a room full of presents. Lily couldn’t help but find his happy smile to be endearing as he managed to reach for something on one of the top shelf only to pout a bit and toss it back up when it wasn’t what he was looking for. He was so carefree here. A smile tugged at her lips unconsciously. Potter, what am I going to do with you?
“She’s staring at him.” A second year whispered to his friend a bit too loudly and Lily jerked her eyes away from James and onto the shelf past him. Lily didn’t need rumors to start that she actually fancied him. She’d never hear the end of it! Forcing down to blush that had already colored her cheeks pink, she made her way determinedly past James and to the shelf that she had looked at, hoping to give the impression that she wasn’t staring at James in the first place. “Stupid, she was looking at the shelf a bit behind him. Lily Evans would never even spare James Potter a glance. She’s too caught up in her own little world to notice.” The boy’s friend replied in obvious anger toward Lily.
Although she was glad that they thought she hadn’t been staring at James like a lovesick girl, Lily was struck by the way that the girl had assumed what she was like. Sure she made it known that she wasn’t interested in James, but that didn’t mean she didn’t notice him or anything. After all, how can you not notice him and his friends? The little misfits they were, all eyes had turned to them the moment that they declared themselves The Marauders. Everyone, professors and students alike knew their names by the end their third year. The infamous pranksters. How could she not notice James and the way he acted as if he owned the school along with Sirius Black? How could she not notice the whispers when rumors started going around about his slightly growing affection towards her?
Not that she believe them that is. What would he ever see in her anyway?
Lily reached the shelf before she knew it and nearly bumped into the display set. Great, what was she supposed to do now? Looking up, she skimmed a few of the products on the shelf. She hesitantly picked up a bright red tube and read the label. “Lola’s Lip Smear Wart Growth: guaranteed lip warts within the first minute of use.” Grimacing, she placed the tube back down, checking her hands to see if any had gotten on her hands by accident. Who would ever deserve to receive this?
Miranda suddenly flashed through her head. “Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is with her anyway. She’s not even that pretty.”
Okay, so there were a few choice people who deserved lip warts. She was entitled to a few mean thoughts every now and then.
Looking above Lola’s creations, she saw a row full of books. She gasped when she read the titles. Abracadabra! Dispelling the Myths of Muggle Magic, The Theorems of Time Traveling, Hogwarts Founding Four! These were some of the top selling books in all of Wizarding London. What were these doing in a joke shop? Oh well, I guess they do sell a few decent things here. She thought and carefully picked out a book. Perhaps she could catch up on some reading while she waited for James.
“Hogwarts Founding Four,” She read to herself, studying the cover that had the emblem of all four Houses. She smiled a bit and flipped open the cover.
“YOU DON’T KNOW WHO HOGWARTS’ FOUNDING FOUR ARE?! ARE YOU THAT THICK? EVEN A NEWBORN KNOWS THAT YOU STUPID LITTLE–” Lily slammed the book shut, hands shaking as she tried to regulate her heartbeat. What on Earth was that?! Shakily, she managed to push the offending book back in its place, the loud voice still echoing in her ears. Running her hands through her hair as a means to calm herself down, she turned to find that all activity in the store had halted and everyone was staring at her. Uh oh, not good.
Thankfully, James came to her rescue and stepped in front of her and gave her one of his usual dramatic hugs. “There, there, it’s okay. Nothing to see here everyone, it’s her first time here!” He gave everyone a pointed look and they all resumed their business and the noise level rose to its usual volume. Lily had unknowingly buried her face in his chest to shield herself from everyone.
“That was so horrible.” She said, her voice muffled by his cloak. “I’ve never been so embarrassed!”
Dutifully, James patted her on the back, enjoying the feel of her in his arms for the first time. “Hey, it’s not that bad,” He replied with a small grin. “I’m sure I’ve done more damage to your reputation that that silly old book did.” Lily paused, thinking about his words. She realized then what they must’ve looked like in that position and quickly pushed him away. Red faced, she fixed him with her most suspicious glare. “And what exactly have you done to my reputation Potter?”
“Nothing you don’t know about.” He shrugged, trying to shake off the urge to hold her again. It had felt so nice and his arms felt unbearably empty. As usual in her expect-the-worst-when-it-comes-to-Potter attitude, horrible things started to run through her head. When she could take it no more, she blurted out, “What have you done?”
“Let’s just say that I’m the reason why no guy’s ever asked you out.” He said smugly.
She looked at him oddly. “What are you on about? Why just yesterday, Davis asked me to go with him to Hogsmeade.”
“WHAT?!” James roared, attracting all the attention to them once more to Lily’s horror. “That no good…don’t tell me that you agreed! You aren’t meeting him afterwards are you?” The look he sent her made her temporarily forget her anger at him for once again placing the spotlight on her. It was as if she could crush his good mood if she told him that she was meeting Davis after her day with him – and perhaps more.
She couldn’t possibly mean that much to him…could she?
“Of course not, he’s not my type.” She wanted to say it in her irritated tone but it came out soft and unsure. Seeing him visibly relax and watching the panic and hurt leave his eyes in that moment made her question just how sure she was that James Potter didn’t care for her. There was no way he could fake that reaction. He mumbled something under his breath that she couldn’t quite catch. The look on his face made her wary. “What did you say?”
“Oh nothing important,” He said, casually waving her question off.
He turned around and glared at everyone who was fixated on them once again and they all quickly went back to looking at the merchandise. “Honestly, no privacy these days.” James remarked, shaking his head. Lily studied his slightly hardened face and made a mental note to warn Davis to steer clear of James for a few days. Turning around, she looked at the books lying on the shelf again and scrunched her nose. “Nasty little things,” She said to herself. James heard her and turned to see that she was looking at the books again with such a cute expression that he couldn’t help but smile.
“They’re designed to do that.” He explained. “It’s charmed to attract people to whatever kind of books they like or need and when it’s opened, it begins yelling all sorts of things at you.”
“That’s a horrible invention.” Lily stated, still miffed that an inanimate object called her stupid. “It could give people heart attacks!”
“Nah, it has an age detector built into its spine so if you’re too old, the book doesn’t scream, whatever it would’ve said is written down in the book.”
“I still don’t like it.” She replied stubbornly. She turned around to face him. “Are you finished stocking up yet?”
“Yes, I just need to pay for them.” He answered, holding up a bag. “But, before I do, I want you to buy something.”
She looked horrified. “Excuse me? You want me to buy something from this store?”
“Yes.” He responded.
“Are you touched?”
James grinned. “Why yes I am, have been for quite some time now. Now, what is it that might be of use to you?”
“I’m not buying anything here.” She stated crossing her arms. He tapped her on the head and turned her around. “Oh don’t act all saintly Evans. I know for a fact that you don’t like everyone in our year. Might as well enjoy making them miserable.”
Lily glared at him. “I’m not going to get a laugh at someone else’s expense!”
“It’s fun, trust me. You’ll love it.” James replied briskly. “Now, how about Trilly’s Triple Tongue Twisters?”
“What?” She asked impatiently, peering at the box he was holding.
“Trilly’s Tripe Tongue Twisters,” He repeated. “Candy that makes whoever eats it speak as if their tongue was knotted. Lasts for two days, great laughs when they’re called on to answer Professors.”
She vaguely recalled Snape refusing to answer when the professors called on him – even in Defense Against the Dark Arts which happened to be his best subject. Now that she thought about it, James and Sirius had been laughing pretty hard when Professor Feltz started yelling at his normally model student. Some things never change. She thought and sighed. Really, was it too much to ask for him to leave Snape alone?
“Potter, I really just want to leave now.” She announced, suddenly tired.
James noticed her sudden change of mood. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, I just want to leave. This place is stifling.” She replied.
“Are you sure?” He asked her, trying to catch her eye but failing to do so as she refused to look at him. “Look, you want me to buy something? Fine, I will but let’s go.” She carelessly took the first thing her fingers touched and went to pay for it with James close on her heels. When she was done (much to the shock of a few students in line), she watched in a sort of wonder as he poured all the different items into the scale. Boxes of invisible quills with matching bottles of invisible ink, Bartle’s Instant Nose Warts, Alvin’s Breath Mints, Furney’s Firework Spellingbee and other things of that sort piled together while James happily chatted up with the clerk as if they were well acquainted with each other.
He was so complicated.
Why was it that he can be such a prat but still manage to completely surprise him by how decent he could be and by the number of people who knew him in such a positive way? Lily didn’t know anything about him anymore. All of her assumptions had flown out the window when they had sat down in The Three Broomsticks. Question was, now what was she supposed to think of him?
Watching him throw a glance in her direction to make sure she was still there, she felt the odd feeling stir in her chest when he smiled at her. Why can’t I hate you anymore?
----------
After he paid, James made his way through the crowd to her and together they pushed their way out of the store with, all the while whispers following them out.
“She actually bought something!”
“James’ doing no doubt.”
“Does this mean that they’re official?”
“No, didn’t you hear? Lily’s being pursued by Davis.”
“Wow, he’s really brave if he’s challenging James Potter.”
“No, he’s just really stupid.”
Lily sighed when the door closed. Fantastic, rumors were already churning around. Taking a deep breath in and out, she felt a bit better. That store truly was suffocating. So many people jammed up with the shelves looking as if it might fall down had grated her nerves. She hated close spaces.
Something tugged at her hair and she turned to see James holding a piece of her dark red locks between her fingers. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, tugging lightly once more. She rolled her eyes and swatted his had away. “Of course I am.” She replied, walking down the road with no particular destination at all.
“You’re not mad at me are you?” James asked hesitantly as he followed her, eyes a bit nervous.
She raised an eyebrow at him. “Should I be?”
“No, no! Of course not. I was just…nevermind,” He stuttered, feeling a bit embarrassed at being so fussy all of a sudden. Lily said nothing and they continued to walk for a while in silence. Some time during this, Lily realized that her left hand felt colder than her right, which was quite warm. Looking down to investigate this oddity, she was surprised to see her hand enveloped by James’ larger one. When did this happen?
Halting, she watched at he was also forced to come to a stop because of their joined hands. She looked questioningly at him, shaking the hand he was attached to. She saw how he colored a bit and didn’t fail to notice that he didn’t let go. “This is okay, isn’t it?” He implored, squeezing her hand.
Lily didn’t know how to handle him when he acted like that – like she was the only one he had eyes for.
“”Potter I–” She began in what was hopefully an exasperated manner. She didn’t want him to know that she liked holding his hand.
“James.”
“What?” She asked startled. Never in the time that she’s known him has he ever insisted her to say his name. “My name is James.” He said firmly, brown eyes serious. “We’ve known each other since second year and I’ve never heard you call me by my first name before.”
“That rich, coming from you?” She replied cuttingly, yanking her hand out of his grip.
“I have no problem saying you’re name Lily,” He stated looking her dead in the eyes, causing her stomach to burst with butterflies – whether it was out of nervousness or something else, she didn’t care to distinguish. All she could hear was the sound of his voice saying her name. She had never heard it sound so different. “I like your name. I like you.”
She looked away, reeling from that statement. Why was he doing this to her? This was so out of the blue. He’s never told her that he liked her so directly before. Sure he’s called her beautiful in his usual arrogant tone and asked her out so many times that she couldn’t even remember, but she had never taken him seriously. And now…
How could Lily possibly believe that he wasn’t serious? How could she, when he was looking at her so intensely? Oh Merlin, She thought in horror. All those times he asked me..!
She had to get away.
Her legs began to take her away from him, walking blindly in the streets, not really seeing as her brain tried to wrap itself around the concept that James Potter was serious about her. She felt his fingers wrap around her arm as he spun her violently so that she’d face him. Not used to dealing with this side of him, Lily did the only thing that she knew how to when it came to confronting an angry Marauder.
She yelled at him.
“Let go of me Potter!”
“Lily, listen to me.”
“I refuse to be manhandled! Get your hands off of me!”
“Will you just listen to me for once in your life?!” He asked her, eyes ablaze with something that she wasn’t ready to know.
Trying to find a way out of this terrible situation, she began to grasp at straws. “Why should I listen to you? You don’t even keep your word! You promised me that you wouldn’t make a move and yet here you are trying to force your feelings on me!”
People were staring at them now. They were always the center of attention when they argued with each other.
She saw the muscles in his jaw tense and managed to him in the eye only to feel such an unbearable guilt stab her chest. He was hurting so much right now. He was hurting because of her. “Fine then,” He said in such a flat tone that Lily was sure that she would cry any second. “I’ll leave you alone for good.”
And to her surprise, James let go and walked away from her without looking back.
Numbly, she watched him leave until he was lost in the crowd too far off to hear them arguing. The ones that did hear couldn’t help but start talking about what had just occurred, not even caring that she could hear them.
Those who were shopping there said something along the lines of “Poor boy, he looked so crushed.” and Hogwarts students gasped “I never thought I’d see the day that James Potter would walk away from Lily Evans!”
One particular voice stuck out the most. “She deserved a taste of her own medicine.” The girl from Zonko’s.
All that was missing was a few Slytherins and Miranda and the nightmare would’ve been complete.
Lily couldn’t bring herself to meet her gaze, nor anyone else. No doubt they would look disapprovingly at her for what she did. For not going after him. For not even calling out his name. No attempt whatsoever to stop him.
She had to leave. Blindly, she pushed her way through the crowd and managed to wind up on a deserted street. She collapsed on a bench, feeling too drained to stand.
It never occurred to her until that moment how it must’ve felt to be rejected so soundly. She had done it so many times to him with so many choice words attached that it was a wonder why he still stuck with her for so long. James was so much stronger than she was. He was able to withstand all of her harsh words while she couldn’t even take him telling her that he would comply with her wishes and leave her alone.
Had he added onto it with some name calling, she didn’t know what she’d do. She was already devastated enough as it is. At least he didn’t add salt to the wounds.
“I never thought I’d see the day that James Potter would walk away from Lily Evans!”
Neither did she. Lily had always thought that she wanted James to leave her alone. That she’d be rejoicing if it ever happened.
She was wrong. She wanted him back.
“I messed up so badly.” She whispered burying her face in her hands as her tears slipped out from the corner of her eyes. She wanted him to be there with her and tell her that he didn’t mean it. She wanted him to smile at her again and joke around with her while she rolled her eyes at him. She wanted things to be okay between them again.
But that wasn’t going to happen.
“It’s all my fault.” Her voice cracked under the strain of trying not to sob, wishing that James was there to hold her hand again.
-----
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling in association with Scholastic Books, Warner Bros, etc.
Author’s Note:
Hey all, I just wanted to say that I won’t be updating on this anytime soon because I have a couple of other things that I want to get to first. However, I am thinking about what I want the story to go and I decided to get your opinion on it.
1. I keep them in Hogsmeade where it’ll end.
2. They head back to the Castle and things are finished off there.
It may seem a bit trivial but the setting will ultimately decide which scenes I’ll add. It’d be great if you can e-mail me your opinion on whether you want 1 or 2. My email is Glass_skies@yahoo.com.
Thanks a bunch and hopefully I’ll get the chapter out by late January/early February!
Peccavi
*Just That Simple
-----
Quite a while passed before Lily resolved that she really needed to talk to James. No matter how much she hated to be wrong, she couldn’t allow him to feel so miserable. The way she had been acting towards him was uncalled for and unacceptable. Because although she hadn’t wanted to admit it, Lily had enjoyed his company today. She enjoyed it very much.
It was sort of refreshing to see such a different side of him, or perhaps he had always been like this – she wouldn’t know. Lily was ashamed to say now that she had never taken the time to really look at him before. She had always taken pride in the fact that she was always able to see past the surface and to the heart within. Why else would she stand up for someone like Severus Snape? Why else would she tutor fourth year Slytherins, the most ungrateful group of kids that she had ever encountered?
But in the end, what good was it all if she treated James so poorly?
He was the one who had hunted the jerk who had set her good robes on fire in their fourth year. He was the one who always managed to make her laugh, even if it was at his own expense. James, who would beg and plead for her to show up to his games, swearing that he’d play so much better if she was there to cheer him on and when she refused, would still win but come back and tell her all about it, even if she didn’t want to know. James, who had stayed with her in the castle during Christmas in sixth year when she had gotten into a huge row with her parents and refused to go home, had just admitted that he cared for her…and she had sent him away because she didn’t believe in his feelings.
She was such a hypocrite. How could she claim to see past the surface if she couldn’t see past James’ arrogant behavior to his heart? How could she do that to the one person who expected it from her?
James Potter liked her; has for quite some time now.
Wiping the last of her tears dry, Lily stood up, determined to find him and apologize. It would do her pride some good to have a taste of some humble pie. Whether he would accept her apology wasn’t really an issue; he would never reject anything from her anyway.
----------
Lily hadn’t counted on the fact that he would be hard to track down. With someone as tall as he was, you would think you’d be able to spot him a mile away! She had braved through the crowd at Honeydukes only to realize that he wasn’t there and to be knocked over the head with someone’s absurdly large bag of sweets. She had stepped into the Three Broomsticks to see if he would happen to be there only to emerge Potter-less once again. Lily had even gone back to Zonko’s (the gasps were really getting quite old) to look for him.
Frustrated at still being unable to locate him, she turned toward the desk where she saw the man that James had been conversing with earlier. Surely he would know where James could be.
“Excuse me,” She said, as she made her way through the crowd toward the counter. Leaning forward, she tapped him on his shoulder to get his attention. He turned around and greeted her with a warm smile. “Now what can I do for a pretty girl like you?”
“Hello, would you happen to know where I might be able to find James Potter?” Lily asked.
“Jimmy eh?” He smiled at the name. “Well there are only a few places he’d be running around in…” His blue eyes widened slightly as he took a good look at her. “Why, I don’t suppose your name would be Lily Evans, now would it?”
Coloring a bit, she nodded. “Well I’ll be! It’s about time I finally meet you Miss Evans. Jimmy’s been going on about you for years!” Looking to her left to see a group of second years paying close attention to the conversation, Lily colored even more and tousled her hair so that it fell to the side, hiding her red cheeks from them. “Well yes, that’s lovely to hear. Do you know where I can find him?” She asked again.
“Why you’re just as pretty as he says you are!” The man continued, seemingly oblivious to the embarrassment he was causing her. “He’s a good man, you know. Can be a bit hard-headed at times, but his heart’s in the right place.” Slapping his forehead, he exclaimed, “Where are my manners? Silly me, I haven’t even introduced myself yet. Name’s Wilson Linton but everyone calls me Wily.” He smiled kindly at her.
“Now what is it? Lost sight of Jimmy did you? I’m surprised, from the way he goes on about you; you’d think he’d be latched onto your hip! He’s just so crazy about you.”
“Please Wily, can you tell me where I might be able to find him?” Lily asked once more, a bit more desperately this time. She hadn’t known the extent of how long James had felt this way for her and hearing Wily mention “years” was enough to make her feel even worst.
“Why if he’s not here, he’s either in Honeydukes, The Three Broomsticks, or the Quidditch Shop. Have you checked all of those places yet?” He asked thoughtfully.
She smiled. “No, almost though, thank you very much for your help, Wily.”
He winked at her and smiled yet again, making Lily believe that the cause of his wrinkles was due mostly to laughter rather than of old age. “Anytime Miss Evans. Take care of Jimmy for me!” He called after her as she left the shop.
----------
Of course! How could I be so stupid? She thought as she made her way to the Quidditch store. Out of all places, this should’ve been the one that she would search first. After all, he’s been to the other stores that he frequented according to Wily, and he’s Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team! If she hadn’t been in such a rush to make amends with James, she would’ve berated herself for being so thick.
Rounding the corner of Madam Puddifoot’s, Lily crashed into someone just emerging through the doors. A bit disoriented, Lily rubbed her temples with one hand to clear up her vision. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you…” Her apology died instantly when she saw who she had bumped into.
“Well? Keep going, you don’t just stop apologizing in mid sentence!” Miranda snapped, dusting off some invisible dirt that might’ve accumulated on her robes when she touched her. Narrowing her eyes, Lily glared at her defiantly. “Suddenly I don’t think you deserve it.”
“You’re the one who bumped into me!” Miranda cried angrily, planting her hands on her hips.
“Well I don’t want to lie.” Lily responded evenly. “Now if you’ll be so kind as to move out of my way I’ve got–”
“What’s going on?” An all too familiar voice asked. “I heard you shouting.” Lily looked toward the doors to see James emerging from the store. Lily felt an overwhelming sense of relief at finally being able to locate him (although she did wonder why he was in Madam Puddifoot’s out of all places). She noticed that upon seeing her, his eyes widen a bit and the hurt in his eyes sparked again before it was gone.
He was still upset at her. And justly so. Her conscience whispered annoyingly at her. Lily brushed the voice off; she was going to fix everything right now. “I’ve been looking all over for you!” Lily said, moving towards him only to be halted when Miranda roughly pulled her back.
“What is your problem?!” Lily demanded, wrenching her arm out of her grasp. Who does she think she is, grabbing her out of nowhere like that? The nerve of that girl!
Leveling her eyes coolly at her, Miranda moved easily next to James’ side and wrapped her arms around his arm, leaning on him lazily. Lily waited for James to back away or better yet, throw her back a few feet, but was shocked to see that he did nothing but loop an arm around her waist.
Grinning widely, Miranda replied, “I should ask you the same thing Evans. Just why were you looking for my boyfriend anyway?”
And this was the end of the world.
“Y-your what?” Lily sputtered incredulously. Just where did she get off making up lies like that? There was no way that James was her boyfriend. Not when he said that she was so much better than Miranda was in the Three Broomsticks. Not when he had held her hands an hour ago. Not when he had said that he liked her just an hour ago. But the nasty voice in her head whispered viciously, And why not? You’ve rejected him for how many years now? Hadn’t you just humiliated him again in public just an hour ago? Flung his feelings for you back in his face? Why wouldn’t he go and find somebody else? He’s not objecting to her touch, they very well could be going out. Don’t you see the way his arm is around her? At least she appreciates him, something that you’ve never done.
“My boyfriend.” Miranda repeated, emphasizing on each syllable. She took great pleasure in the way Lily’s faced paled in confusion as she tried to process the information. “What’s the matter Evans? Blown a fuse from being outside for so long? I know it’s not your musky corner in the classroom but still.”
James, who had been silent throughout this exchange, spoke in what Lily could only describe as a neutral (perhaps bored?) tone. “What do you want Evans?”
Looking sharply at him, Lily tried to find some type of explanation for what she was seeing in his eyes. Her ability to read people failed her once again as she could glean nothing from them about what he was feeling or thinking. “Listen, we need to,” The word ‘talk’ failed her when Miranda hugged him and his hold on her tightened, all the while never losing eye contact with her. Lily swallowed down the bile that suddenly rose in her throat.
“We – we need to round up the students so that we can get back to the castle.” She finished lamely. “The carriages are waiting and there are too many students for me to round up in time.” Lily didn’t even know if what she said was true or not, but thankfully it sounded reasonable and that was more than she had expected from her brain at the moment.
Nodding in agreement, James looked down at Miranda and said, “I have to go, duties and all.” It was sickening to watch Miranda smile at him and kiss him on the cheek. And when Miranda threw her that triumphant look, like she had just taken something precious from her, Lily decided that she hated her – hated her like she had never thought she could possibly hate another person before. After Miranda had walked away to join her group of friends in a nearby shop, an uncomfortable silence hung over them.
“I’ll cover the right side of the streets and you take the left.” James said a bit tightly, turning around. “It’ll be faster this way.”
“I–” But he was already walking away, leaving her no chance to apologize or ask him what was going on. She had no choice but to follow his orders and group the students on the left side of the streets. As Lily walked into stores and announced for all Hogwarts students to return to the carriages, she had been turning the James and Miranda issue over in her head. It became ever so clearer as she thought more about it, that James had played her for a fool.
She had been right all along. He had never been serious about her. If he was, he wouldn’t have gone straight to Miranda after telling her that he liked her. It was just a game to him – see if you can get Lily Evans – and when he realized that he couldn’t, he decided to make it seem like he was the victim. He had actually succeeded in making her feel bad enough to cry. Angry tears burned her eyes by the time that she finished gathering all the students from her side and began walking toward the carriages. There was no way that she would ever apologize to him now. He didn’t deserve it.
I’m done with you, Potter. She thought furiously. You’re not worth any of my time anymore.
After she was sure that all the students were there, Lily swiftly stepped into the Head’s carriage without sparing a glance at James. Of course he would be riding with her, Head Boy and Girl always traveled together on school related activities, but she would just pretend that he didn’t exist. It wouldn’t be hard; Lily had done that for a good chunk of her fifth and sixth year so she had plenty of practice.
She was washing her hands of him forever.
Lily hadn’t been sitting long before she heard voices right outside the carriage. Great, here he comes. She thought to herself. Her eyes flickered to the door when it swung open. James took one step in and looked at her blankly before hoisting something up and placing it on the cushion next to her.
“I’m riding with Miranda on the way back.” He told her needlessly and then he turned around and left.
It was strange how the carriage felt so empty after the door clicked shut and stranger still how Lily felt such a devastating loss when James left. “Get a hold of yourself,” She said to herself quietly. “It’s not that big of a deal.” In perspective, it truly wasn’t. It was never said that the Head Boy and the Head Girl had to travel in the same cart together, it was just that the two always had in the past - an unspoken assumption really.
So there was nothing for her to feel sad over. James didn’t have an obligation to ride with her back to the castle. Of course everyone will be talking about it, but since when had she ever cared what other people said about her? They’d probably think that she kicked him out of the carriage because it was natural for Lily Evans to be angry at James Potter. Only it was different this time. This time, it was James who was mad at Lily. James Potter left Lily Evans alone in the carriage of his own free will, and that was something that the school would not overlook so easily. But I can deal with it. Lily thought to herself resolutely. It’s not so hard to pretend, not so hard at all.
And then she looked over to her left and saw what he had left. It was her stuff. She had forgotten that he had been carrying it for her the entire time. He had stopped complaining about how heavily the bags were so she didn’t remember that she had anything. This meant that he had still been carrying her things for her, even as she yelled at him all those times. He had been carrying it when she told him to go away and despite everything, he returned it to her with everything perfectly intact. Something that she could never have done. If she had been in his shoes, she would’ve dumped it in a bin somewhere.
He really was a gentleman. She could feel the shame burning her face and the heavy accusation in the carriage. Why couldn’t you be nicer to him? Why did you have to be so stubborn? Why couldn’t you just give him a chance? She didn’t know why.
And it made pretending that much harder to do.
----------
Hogwarts was buzzing within a matter of hours after the students had settled back into the castle and the momentum lasted well throughout the following week.
“Did you hear?! Do you know?!”
“It can’t be true!”
“They were having huge rows throughout the entire trip, it could be possible.”
“He’s not even trying to talk to her!”
“And Miranda’s been seen with him too, linking arms!”
Really now, Sirius Black could only take so much of the gossip before he had to take action. After all, they were about a fellow Marauder! But first and foremost, the rumors were about James Potter, his best friend. He couldn’t very well stand idly by as everyone started jabbering on about hand-me-down-stories and he most definitely couldn’t place any faith in them either. So, being the incredibly clever man that he was, Sirius decided to go straight to the source and “get it out of the hippo’s mouth,” as the muggle saying goes.
He didn’t quite know what a hippo was, but that wasn’t important. Besides, he’d just have to make a quick note to himself to ask Evans about it later.
“Prongs my boy!” Sirius exclaimed as he burst into the boy’s dormitory where he was often found on his free time. Sure enough, Sirius found him lying down on his old bed staring up at the ceiling. “Been hearing a lot of things about you and Miss Evans lately, but sources are so unreliable these days. Care to fill a bloke in on a few things?”
“Sirius, I’m not in the mood.”
Ouch, using first names. Sirius winced. Must’ve been real serious…no pun intended, of course. Jeez, maybe I have gone bonkers. I’m talking to myself. Shaking his head he refocused on the goal at hand. Right, anyway, serious talk coming. “James,” He began again. “What happened that day? You haven’t been talking to Remus or Peter, most especially, me about it at all. Last time I checked, things were going pretty decent. I mean, she showed up after all!
“Drop it Sirius, I mean it.”
“Next thing I know, you two aren’t speaking to each other, you two were even traveling in different carriages!”
“Sirius.” James gritted out warningly.
“I mean, I don’t think a Head Boy and Girl have ever done that before!”
“IT’S OVER, ALRIGHT?”
Sirius clamped his mouth shut immediately. He wasn’t used to having James screaming at him. Sure his friend had been annoyed and down right pissy at times, but in the end, they were all covered by a moderate to low level of screaming. This was uncharted territory. He could only watch as his best friend panted heavily, shaking with fury at something or someone. Maybe James was angry with him, he didn’t know. And just as sudden as his outburst had been, he calmed down with a few deep breaths, the anger all but vanished.
“It’s over.” He repeated tiredly. “I’ve wasted so much effort…and it’s just over. I can’t get it back.”
“What’s over?”
“Everything. Lily…” James faltered and grew silent. Then, perhaps a bit louder than a whisper, “It’s over. Lily told me to go away and I said yes. After everything, it’s over. Really over. I…”
“You what?” Sirius asked just as quietly, gray eyes somber.
“I…I don’t know...I’ve done everything I could think of, tried so bloody hard, and to have it end like this just – Merlin, it’s over.”
It wasn’t difficult to know how badly he was hurting; the dormitory absolutely reeked of his pain. Sirius clenched his hands until his knuckles were white but other than that, he was the picture of calm. “Is it true that you and Wong are official?” He asked quietly. There was a slight nod of his head, as if James was hesitant to believe it as well. After all, it was the most concrete evidence of ‘the end’ that there was.
“James Potter and Miranda Wong.” Even the sound of it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Sirius had been too used to James Potter and Lily Evans. It felt like a horrible invasion of privacy; a destruction of some long standing monument. Because although Sirius never said it out loud, he too had believed that she would eventually be with James. It was the only thing that he had ever really wished for. Sirius knew how happy James would be if she said yes to him, and James was someone who deserved to be happy.
It was law to Sirius Black. And the law had been broken.
“It’s not the end of the world, James.” Of course what he had just said was a big fat lie. James had spent four long years chasing after Lily Evans, certain that it would pay off in the end. Four years of declaring that they were meant for each other and two of those years spent falling in love. This was the end of the world to James. And as he watched James roll over on his stomach and bury his face in the pillows, Sirius knew that he knew as well.
There was a hitch in his breath followed by a few irregular gasps, making his chest rise and fall unsteadily. It took Sirius a few long moments before he was able to make sense of what the sight of James’ shoulders shaking and what the whimpering meant.
James was crying. Really crying.
In all the years that they’ve been friends, Sirius had never, ever seen him cry.
“James?” His own voice sounded strained and unused. It was as if a dam had broken because his sobs grew louder. He knew that Sirius knew that he was crying so there was no point in trying to hold back. Besides, it had hurt too much to do so anyway.
Sirius stormed out of the dormitory, gray eyes flashing dangerously, dead set on finding Lily Evans. He would never lay a hand on a girl; that was a fact. But he wasn’t above threatening one, and if worst comes to worst, he had girls who were willing to do it for him.
----------
Her friends did their best to cheer her up, really they did. But there was only so much that they could do for so long. The rest of the time, Lily had to deal with the whispers and stares on her own. She had to deal with the Slytherins and their cruel tricks now that they knew James Potter wasn’t protecting her anymore. She had to deal with the Hufflepuff girls and their jeers and biting remarks about her. She also had to deal with Miranda and her smug look every time she happened to see Lily walking to class.
“I guess I was wrong,” Miranda was often prone to say around her in many variations. “It took less than a week for Miss Head Girl to be yesterday’s news.”
Perhaps the most crushing thing that she had to deal with though, was how she could see that her friends thought that she had brought it on herself. That it was her fault and that James was still the bigger victim out of the two of them.
“You’re very fickle, Lily.” Samari said. “You want him to leave you alone and the moment he does, you’re angry with him for it. To be honest, I’m pretty mad that you’re acting like this.”
“Thanks for the support Samari.” Lily replied sarcastically.
“I’m not going to lie to you.” She continued. “But after hearing you complain for years about how big of a git he was, despite everyone else saying otherwise, you really have no right to be upset that he moved onto another girl.”
“He LIED to me.”
“No, he got tired of putting up with your unpredictable moods and short temper. Can you blame him? Would you do half of the things that he’s done for you?”
“Potter just wanted attention, he just wanted to humiliate me and take the spotlight like he always does.”
“JAMES wanted you to like him because he was in love with you!”
Lily grew pale with shock. “W-what did you say?”
“Come off it Lily! Why else would he spend four years pursuing you? He’s been in love with you for two years now! Maybe even more. You’d know that if you would just open your eyes and take a good look around!”
It made sense of course, but Lily’s irrational side took a while to accept it and in the course of that time, Samari wasn’t speaking to her either. Shifting her bag to her other shoulder, Lily decided to head to the library to get a few hours of studying done before calling it a night. She looked at her watch. ‘Too early for bed.’
Sighing, she was about to open the doors when she heard someone call her name. Turing around, Lily saw a handsome boy jogging up to meet her. He’s in Hufflepuff. She thought to herself.
“Is something wrong?” She asked him politely. No matter how bad of a mood she was in, Lily was still Head Girl.
“Er, you don’t remember me, do you?” He asked her nervously.
Tilting her head to the side, Lily tried to place him in her head but came out blank. “Sorry, I don’t.” She answered finally.
“No, it’s fine. I know that a lot of things have been going on for you and all…” As if sensing that he had crossed a line, he added quickly. “Er, not that I mean to pry or anything! I- I just wanted to know if you were still up for that study session. Remember? Flitwick assigned you to be my tutor because, well, I’m just horrible at Charms and since you–”
“Oh that’s right!” Lily exclaimed suddenly, ending the poor boy’s ramblings. “Sebastian, isn’t it? I’m sorry, I’m just a bit out of it these days.”
He laughed a bit, seemingly relieved. “It’s fine, really. But are you still up for it today? If not, we can reschedule for another time.”
“No, it’s not a problem at all. Just let me put my things–”
“Actually something just came up so you will have to reschedule.” Someone said coldly from behind her. She turned around to see none other than Sirius Black himself, in all his smoldering glory.
“Black? What are you–” She yelped as he roughly grabbed her by the arm and proceeded to drag her off. “So sorry, hope it’s not that much of an inconvenience for you!” Sirius called back, not sounding a bit like he meant it.
“Just where are you taking me?” Lily demanded hotly, trying with all her might to not allow him to wrench her arm off. He ignored her and when he stopped, she realized that he had led her to the Head’s dormitory.
“Auror Bonham.” He barked out and the entrance swung open. Lily wondered briefly how he knew the password but he shoved her inside before her brain was able to get a grasp on the answer.
Once she regained her bearings, Lily was downright furious. “What is your problem Black?!”
“You’re my problem Evans.” He replied, just as angrily. “Actually, let me rephrase that. You’re James’ problem, therefore, you’re my problem too.”
“You have absolutely no right to come barging into the Head Boy and Girl’s dormitory. Leave!”
“Not,” He gritted out. “Until I’ve said what I have to say to you.”
“I do not care what comes out of your mouth now go!”
He advanced towards her, forcing her back against a wall. “Let’s get one thing clear Evans. I am not James Potter. I will not obey your orders, so stop trying to throw your weight around because frankly, you’re not that heavy.”
Had the situation been less severe, Lily would’ve laughed. “You obviously have something loose up there so why don’t you go to Madame Pomfrey to get that checked out.” She said hotly. She yelped when he slammed his fists on either side of her head into the wall. She had never been afraid of him before, he had always been the joker with the good looks. He had definitely never showed any signs of hostility at her.
“Why Evans?” He practically shouted. “Why? Why couldn’t you just give him a bleedin’ chance?!”
And then everything clicked. Of course, why else would Sirius be this furious with her? He was under the same pretense that James was the victim – just like everyone else. Lily was just so sick of it all. Shoving him as hard as she could, he stumbled a few steps back but it was enough for her to evade him.
“Because he doesn’t deserve it!” She screamed at him. Everything that had been building up from the past week just exploded inside of her and she was taking it out on him. “He never even wanted it! It was just a stupid game to him okay? If he really wanted me to be with him, he wouldn’t have just gone running to Miranda so soon after telling me that he liked me! He wouldn’t have left me in the carriage back in Hogsmeade! I’ve seen him walking around with her! I see that he’s happy, that he never wanted me so don’t you dare try to blame this mess on me because it’s not my fault!” Her voice was raspy from screaming but she felt better at getting it all off her chest.
Sirius, who had remained quiet during her scream-fest, walked up to her and pulled her onto the couch. Lily was too tired to struggle.
“It’s obvious to me,” He stated quietly, gray eyes piercing into her green ones. “That you have convinced yourself that the bullocks that you’ve just said is true. So I’m going to tell you his side of the story, and I want you to just let it swirl around in that little head of yours until it sinks in okay?”
Lily felt her anger rise up again. Who does he think he is? Talking to her like she was a toddler? His next words however, threw a bucket of ice over her anger and forced her to listen to every word he was saying.
“James was crying today in the boy’s dormitory. He has spend the past four years trying to get you to like him and in one day together, you have managed to dismantle all of his hard work and dreams. It was never a game, Evans. I’ve been there from the start and all he’s ever said about you was how beautiful, intelligent, caring, and sophisticated you were and how he’d be the luckiest man alive if you would just give him a chance.”
Sirius leaned in until all she could see was his stormy, accusing gray eyes. “All he wanted was one bloody chance with you and you couldn’t even do that.”
Lily couldn’t say anything in her defense. It was as if he had hexed her without her knowing, but it was impossible. He hadn’t muttered anything under his breath and his wand wasn’t drawn, and Lily didn’t believe for an instance that Black was powerful enough to perform wandless magic. Still, she was unable to move or speak. Lily watched as he straightened up and said something that she couldn’t quite catch. He threw something down in her lap and left.
She looked down and saw that he had thrown her his handkerchief with his initials stitched with a magnificent flourish of gold. It was then that she realized that somewhere during his speech, she had started to cry. It’s only fair though, right? She thought to herself. You made James cry, so it’d only be fair that he make you cry too. Perhaps she had made him hurt the way she was hurting as well.
Lily couldn’t remember what happened after that. The next thing she knew, she was in the girl’s dormitory, with Samari’s arms around her as she sobbed and mumbled something that she even couldn’t comprehend. She could hear her comforting words and soothing hushes. “It’s okay, you can fix everything. Just apologize.” She said quietly, rubbing her back until she was finally able to calm down.
“I-I’m sorry.” Lily said weakly.
Samari just smiled forgivingly at her and wiped her tears away with Sirius’ handkerchief. “He should be in his room now, go on and apologize.”
Lily nodded and walked back to the Head’s dormitory. Stepping through, she saw that his door was closed. Moving closer, she could hear the faint shuffling of his movements as he prepared himself for sleep. Rubbing her eyes and smoothing out her hair, she raised a hand to knock when an idea struck her. It would be good if she had some sort of peace offering for him, and she knew just the thing to do it.
Quickly, she went into her room and pulled out a bag of sweets from her things. She swiftly walked out and to his door with a bit more confidence. Raising her hand, she knocked twice and waited anxiously for him to open the door. There was a long pause before she heard him approach the door.
The door swung open and he stood in the entrance staring at her. Lifting up her green eyes, she was disappointed to see the same blank eyes looking down at her. “What?” He asked flatly.
She faltered for a second before holding the bag out for him to take it. He looked down at it and took it from her, holding it up.
“Taffy Spice Lizards.” He said quietly.
Lily nodded her head a bit enthusiastically. “I want you to have it. My way of saying–” She was cut off when he flung it behind him carelessly. She watched in shock as it fell on the floor in a pathetic heap, surely it was broken.
“Is that all?” He asked.
“I–I…” The courage left her for a moment as she stared at the bag of Taffy Spice Lizards on his bedroom floor. “I just wanted to apologize to you about what had happened in Hogsmeade…”
“You’ve done that. Goodnight.” He moved to close the door but she held her hand out to stop him.
“Wait! Aren’t you going to accept?” She asked a bit desperately.
“Why? Because you want me to?” James demanded, his eyes suddenly alive with anger. “You’d like that don’t you? You think that just because it’s you, that I’ll accept it with instantly. You actually thought that you can just bribe my forgiveness with candy?”
“N-no,” She protested. “I wasn’t trying to bribe you at all! I…” What could she say? He was right anyway, she did believe that he would forgive her like that because she was so used to his warm smiles and bright eyes whenever she handed him anything. “The least you could do is accept it!”
“Fine, I accept your apology Evans,” He replied in a way that made Lily want to cry all over again. From what Sirius and Samari had told her, he had never been insincere when it came to her. This would be the first time and it was all her fault. “But I don’t know how much that would mean to you. After all, you said it yourself that my words are empty.” He slammed the door then, right in her face and Lily couldn’t help but start to cry again.
It had hurt so much, so very much to hear him say those things to her and to have him slam the door in her face as if she wasn’t important to him. But that’s just it. She thought bitterly. I’m not important to him, not anymore. “I–I’m sorry,” She croaked out, knowing that he probably couldn’t hear her. “I’m s-so sorry…P-please forgive me…James, I’m so sorry.”
Lily didn’t know how long she stood there crying outside his door, but when her tears stopped, she wiped her face and walked back to her room so that she could get some sleep. She changed automatically into her nightgown and brushed her teeth and all before crawling under her covers. Closing her eyes tightly, she hoped that when she woke up, she’d find that everything had just been a bad nightmare.
She must’ve drifted off to sleep at some point because she awoke to the pounding at her bedroom door. A bit disoriented, she looked at the muggle clock she kept by her bed. “2:00 AM.” She read groggily. “Who in the world could that be?” Too tired to even think about covering up, she stumbled out of bed and shakily made her way to the door, determined to solve whatever crisis had happened and then return to her nice warm bed.
She opened it and was surprised to see James standing here, breathing heavily. He looked like an absolute mess with his hair sticking up in every direction and his wrinkled uniform and his red rimmed eyes behind his tilted glasses, but Lily couldn’t help thinking in her sleep-fogged head that he looked dashingly handsome.
“W-what’s going on?” She asked softly, fighting back a yawn. Why does he look so upset? Did he have a bad dream?
He held up a bag of what she could only guess was sweets and threw it on the ground. It was then that her mind woke up and she remembered what had happened only hours ago. She remembered that the bag he had just thrown (again) was her bag of Taffy Spice Lizards.
“I don’t want it.” He said roughly. “I don’t need candy.”
James was there to yell at her some more. She couldn’t deal with it, she couldn’t cry again. She had no energy left to cry. “Listen, I know what you’re going to say and–”
“No you don’t.” He cut in harshly. “I don’t need your candy or your apologies.” Using his fast reflexes from Quidditch, James grabbed her and pulled her into a bone–crushing embrace.
Shocked, Lily stood stiffly as she felt his warm tears falling on her shoulder. “W-what?” She wondered out loud. She didn’t understand what had just happened at all.
“I don’t need those things Lily,” He said tightly, his lips moving against her shoulder, causing shivers to run down her spine. “All I’ve ever wanted…I-I…” His grip tightened on her and to Lily, it was the best feeling in the world.
“All I need …all I’ll ever need is you.”
Well okay, She thought as she lifted her arms to embrace him in return. His hug was the second best feeling in the world.
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Author’s Notes: The asterisk next to the title will be explained in the notes following the conclusion of this story. I’ll post a sneak preview to the next (and last) chapter if anyone can guess what the next chapter will be called.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling in association with Scholastic Books, Warner Bros, etc.
Author’s Note:
As promised since one of you did guess the title for the next chapter (I hadn’t thought that it would’ve been so predictable but I guess I’ve become so), here’s a sneak preview for the last chapter of Just That Simple:
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“I-I’ve never felt this way before…it’s a bit scary to say the least.”
There, everything was out in the open now; she was out in the open. Her feelings about him were laid out for all to see. Lily felt so horribly exposed and flushed a deep red, avoiding his eyes. Try as she might, she couldn’t ease the tension in her body as she knew that he was staring at her. Please say something.
She felt his fingers shakily touch her chin and pressure her to turn and face him. “Are you afraid of me?” He asked deeply, voice full of sorrow and uncertainty. Of course he knew what to say to make her look at him. Lily’s eyes flickered to his eyes instantly and her breath stilled at the sight of his deep brown eyes. There was still a considerable amount of space between them – a whole cushion in fact – and in that moment, it seemed as if the gap was widening and narrowing at the same time.
Was she afraid of him?
No, there was no way that Lily was afraid of him and she told him just that. James did, however, make her nervous with his constant attention. She had grown used to it to her dismay and dreaded what she would be like if he ever decided that she wasn’t worth the effort anymore. She had gotten a taste of it already during the past week and just the memory alone made the wound in her heart ache.
The fact of the matter was that James had too much power over her already. If she gave him more, Lily would be helpless against him and that made her pulse race irregularly in anxiety and something not unlike happiness. “It’s hard to explain.” She said finally, taking her eyes off of his and looked up to vainly prevent more tears from falling. “It’s not you, really it’s not…It’s just that my feelings are all over the place. I can’t make much sense of them at all an–and I just wish…”
“I understand.”
Lily let out a frustrating groan. He doesn’t. She thought to herself, digging her fingers into her hair and gripping it at the ends. He doesn’t understand. How can he when I can’t explain? I can’t find the words to tell him properly. It’s not fair that I have to explain myself to him. He doesn’t know how difficult it is for me to do this. Lily knew that she shouldn’t lose her temper. There was no reason to take her frustrations out on James just because she wasn’t articulate enough to express herself. She knew that it would just make the situation worse and that she would most likely regret everything.
And all of that just made her even angrier.
“J-Just why do I have to explain myself to you?” Lily sputtered. “What do you want me to say? I don’t have to tell you anything when you don’t understand what you put me through!”
He reached up and unclenched her hands from her hair, holding them captive in his larger hands. “And what is it that I put you through?” James prodded.
“This! Your affections!” She shouted, closing her eyes tightly. “I don’t understand it at all! Why me?”
For the next few moments, there was only the sound of Lily drawing in air harshly as she attempted to calm herself down. Opening her eyes, she looked up at him with tired green eyes. Somewhere in the back of her head, she was alarmed that he had crossed the distance between them and was very close to her now. She was too tired to arrange her face to the proper expression however and resigned to look into his eyes.
“Why me?” Lily asked again, watching as a ghost of a smile play on her lips. Strangely enough, it was at this moment that she noticed how light his eye color was. It wasn’t brown like she had thought it was for years, but a lighter shade like honey – yet not quite so light. Hazel…his eyes are hazel.
A brief movement told her that he said something and the words took a while to break through the haze that had settled in her head. When it registered however, Lily felt inexplicably lighter even though his answer didn’t answer any of her questions. Leave it to James to answer her almost-teasingly in response.
“Why not you?”
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There you go. I’m hoping to get this chapter out by next week but with all the work I have on my shoulders, it’ll probably be another long wait until the next chapter comes out. Don’t worry though, I still have one more surprise for everyone. Thanks for all the great reviews everyone, I really appreciate it and am glad that you like my story so much (even though you all are probably frustrated with the waits between my updates…)!