Not her by CandiceMarie

Rating: G
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 23/10/2004
Last Updated: 23/10/2004
Status: Completed

He's defeated the Dark Lord, but it feels like an empty victory without her... If you've
read my other angsty fics, you know what to expect, I guess. Yes, I know, it was about time I
stopped killing Harry...




1. Not her
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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and any of the characters mentioned hereafter. They belong
to the incredible JK Rowling. I am not making a single cent out of this. I wish I did, and was.

[A/N: A friend of mine said I killed Harry far too many times. This should show him ::wink::

I had a really sad dream, and wanted to write that, but, as it was a dream, it was only
plausible as one. However, the awful feeling lingered and I knew I had to do something about it. I
know, I'm horrible, and I'll completely understand if you don't want to review. I
wouldn't blame you. I'd probably flame me, myself.

Anyway- ]

**Not Her…**

Harry couldn't believe it. He had finally beaten the Dark Lord. After 7 years' worth of
nightmares, and awful events, it was all finally over. Voldemort was gone.

Hermione came running to him, happy tears running down her bruised cheeks.

`Harry! You've done it!' she shrieked joyfully. `Oh, Harry, you've defeated
him!'

He was almost knocked out by her tight embrace, but he couldn't help but smile, and return
it. When she let go, he looked into her eyes, held her injured cheek in his hands, and planted a
gentle kiss on her lips. Gentle for now, he can wait later…

`Have I ever told you I loved you?' she asked him, smiling.

`Not enough today, no,' he said, grinning back.

Harry looked around him and saw Ron helping Luna up, Neville next to an unconscious Ginny, and
even though they looked battered, they smiled at him. With the exception of Ginny, who Neville was
trying to revive. One of the adults were coming over to help him now.

Harry was about to sigh happily when he heard footsteps from behind him.

Before he could turn around, he heard a furious voice yell, `Filthy little Mudblood!'

There was a green light and someone screamed. Harry, his mind refusing to work quick enough,
couldn't figure out who had screamed, but aimed his hand at the furious man instinctively.
Lucius Malfoy was thrown several feet into the air. Harry saw Order members run immediately to
greet Malfoy when he landed, their wands out. Then, with all the energy he had used on defeating
Voldemort, and the wandless magic he had just performed, Harry passed out.

***

Harry felt exceedingly weak. He was just laying there, everything else was quiet. It must be
very late at night. He couldn't open his eyes. Not yet.

For a while, he didn't move. He guessed that he was either alone in the hospital wing, or
its occupants were still asleep. He heard the door open, and Harry felt a sudden need to see
Hermione that he finally opened his eyes, hoping it was her. She was always there to see him when
he was in the hospital wing.

But it wasn't her. It was Ron. And it was the first time he was actually disappointed to see
him. Hermione must be in one of the beds. She was always with Ron when they visited him.

Ron didn't appear to have noticed that Harry was awake. He proceeded to a bed near the door.
Its occupant sat up. Luna Lovegood's shoulder was heavily bandaged, but she was smiling widely
at Ron.

`You're not still sick, are you?' said Ron, with the air of a man who didn't want to
give away too much emotion.

`No,' she said dreamily. `But these bandages make me feel like a bird who can't fly.
We're all birds that can't fly, really, deep inside, you know.'

Ron snorted, and Harry decided he really shouldn't be watching them share a nice little
moment. Little moments that reminded him somehow of his and Hermione's moments. He was about to
go back to closing his eyes and not thinking about anything, when he coughed unexpectedly.

Ron jumped.

`Harry, you're awake!' exclaimed Ron. He walked to his bed. `How do you feel,
mate?'

`Dunno. Tired, I guess. How is everyone?' he asked.

He saw Ron fidget a bit, and Luna uttered a weak `Oh.'

`Erm,' said Ron. `Everyone who survived is either healing here or well enough to be walking
around.'

Harry felt extreme relief.

`Great. Where's Hermione?'

Ron fidgeted again, and Luna began muttering, `Oh no, oh no, oh no…'

`What?' said Harry, a little irritated he kept getting this reaction.

`I don't… I don't know how to tell you this, since this is usually *her* job…'
said Ron.

`What do you mean her job?' Harry asked. Somehow, he didn't know why, he was getting an
increasingly horrible feeling at the pit of his stomach.

`You know, to break it to you gently. She always had a way of doing that-' Harry noticed
Ron's eyes were slowly becoming shiny. He had to know what happened now.

`She's not permanently injured, is she? Or in a coma?' he asked him. `Tell me now,
Ron.'

`She's gone, Harry…' said Ron. Luna stopped muttering.

Harry's brain stopped working, and he was sure his heart skipped several beats.

`That's not funny, Ron,' he told him, finally. `Where is she?'

`Harry… would I joke about something like this, mate? I'm not kidding. I wish I were, but
I'm not!'

It just couldn't be true. Hermione couldn't be dead. How can she, when she was one of
the few constants in his life? When she was the one Harry counted on not to get hurt? He needed her
badly. This should be reason enough for her not to die.

`But… but I finished off Voldemort! He couldn't have killed her, I saw her! I hugged her! I
kissed…'

`It wasn't You Know Who-'

`Voldemort!'

Ron flinched. He sighed, then continued.

`It wasn't Vold-Voldemort…' said Ron with difficulty. `Lucius Malfoy wanted to get even
with her after she stunned him and tied him up. He said something about a… a muggleborn touching
him, and how unclean he had felt. Some hogwash like that.'

`What did he do to her?' Harry asked, though he thought he already knew.

`The killing curse.'

`Where is he?'

`It's too late, Harry-'

`WHERE IS HE, RON?' Harry yelled. How could he have lost someone else he had loved?

`Azkaban, Harry. But it's no use! There was an accident, and one of the remaining Dementors
Kissed him…'

The fuel that would have made him avenge Hermione…was gone. Malfoy wasn't better off
dead.

`I'm going outside,' said Harry abruptly.

`No, you can't,' piped up Neville, who was on the opposite bed. His eyes were as shiny
as Ron's. `Madam Pomfrey said we're all too weak to go out, Harry. You'll hurt
yourself!'

Harry ignored him.

`He's right,' said Luna in, for once, a serious voice. `You'd better stay here. And
with what you'd just heard-'

Harry ignored her, too. He finished putting on his shoes, when Ron stood in front of him.

`Harry, I know this is hard. She was my best friend, too… but you're too weak-'

He couldn't ignore Ron.

`Ron, you don't understand!' *He* didn't understand why he was shouting. `I
have to get out of here. I can't breathe… She's gone…' Harry painfully prevented his
eyes from tears, though he didn't know how much longer he could.

He was about to run when-

`Harry, Hermione wouldn't have let you go out. You know that.'

He knew that that person was right. But he couldn't hold the tears anymore, and he
wasn't about to let anyone else see him cry. Just Hermione.

Harry rushed past a harassed-looking Madam Pomfrey, and didn't bother to close the door
lightly. He ran, and he kept running, not knowing where his feet were taking him. Before long, he
began to slow down. When he stopped, he punched the first solid thing he saw - a tree. He was at
the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

He looked at his splintered knuckles, not really caring much. What was he going to do now,
without Hermione? Who was going to go out of her mind with worry… for him? How was he going to live
without the one person who knew more about him than he did himself?

*`I know all about you, of course.'*

Harry was sure this was all a dream. A horrible, horrible dream. She couldn't be dead. It
just wasn't possible.

He slid to the ground and rested his back against the tree he had punched. He looked at the sky.
It was almost dawn, but the sky was still a dark shade of blue, with a hint of pink in the
horizons.

He had been so proud of Hermione. Did she know that? Did she know how much he had appreciated
all the things she did for him? Everything was always for his best. He didn't know it at the
time, but he realized it sooner or later.

And how she loved to make him talk things over. He supposed if she was… if she was still alive
today, she'd be dropping little hints of wanting to talk about how he felt. How sad he was, how
frustrated he couldn't have been faster and protected her, how much he missed her…

It was all too much for him, and he wondered vaguely if he would ever be able to smile
again.

`It shouldn't have been you, Hermione,' said Harry, tears now emanating from his eyes.
`You didn't have to go…'

Harry cried for her until he blacked out.

***

Harry awoke again to the familiar smell of the hospital wing, but kept his eyes closed. He felt
someone holding his hand, and when he finally opened his eyes, he saw that that person was fell
asleep sitting at near his bed, with her head next to him. Her bushy hair was tickling his
wrist.

*Bushy hair?*

Harry sat up immediately.

`Hermione?'

The bushy-haired person who was holding his hand, woke up, and looked up at him. Her brown eyes
locked with his green ones, and she smiled.

`I thought you were… it must've been a dream… Hermione-'

Hermione had put her index finger to his lips, and slowly brought her hand to caress his cheeks,
all the while smiling almost angelically. Harry never saw such love in her eyes. And it was all for
him. He felt it.

But he woke up anyway. He knew what the dream meant:

*Goodbye, Harry…*

Harry felt pain in his chest that was most unrelated to his weakened state. He was certain it
came from the place where he had kept Hermione safe and needed. And loved.

--the end--

[A/N 2: Okay, I feel bad now :-( *sniff* And, sorry if I made you think Hermione was alive for a
moment… that's kinda why I felt horrible when I woke up… something like that.]

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