Hopelessly Addicted

ChristyCorr

Rating: NC17
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 25/10/2004
Last Updated: 06/09/2005
Status: paused

Six years after the break-up, the new, improved, and Potter-charm-proof Lily Evans is ready to take the British Ministry by storm. Naturally, it all goes downhill from there.

Chapters

1. I'm No Angel

2. Against All Odds

3. Throwing Stones

4. Humdrum

5. Don't even think about it

6. What's Love?

7. Bridges of stone

8. Giving off sparks

9. Wicked Game

10. Why don't we break up?

11. Warring Hearts

12. So much for my happy ending

13. What can I do?

14. Die another day

15. Can't fight the moonlight

16. A man and a woman

17. Perfect World

18. Falling

19. Accidentally in Love

20. Eclipse

21. And so it is...

1. I'm No Angel

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Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 1

"I'm No Angel"

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Try to control me, boy, you get dismissed

Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills – always 50/50 in relationships (…)

Tell me how you feel about this: I do what I want if I wanna live

I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get

Ladies, it ain't easy being independent…

Destiny's Child, "Independent Women"

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Five fifty-nine.

Five fifty-nine and fifteen seconds.

Five fifty-nine and thirty seconds.

Five fifty-nine and forty-five seconds.

Six o'clock.

The alarm clock started ringing loudly.

Lily's arm instantly shot up to stop the annoying sound. She hated alarm clocks, and this particular chime usually made her wake up in a bad mood.

She had always abhorred getting up early, but years of waking up at six o'clock every single day (and sometimes even earlier than that) had made her get used to it. However, a rigid discipline had been crucial: she hadn't slept in on any weekends or holidays. Lily had established an inflexible routine soon after leaving Hogwarts, and was proud to say she had never given in to idleness or lethargy.

Lily inhaled sharply and sat up, reaching automatically for her wand and robes.

"Alain," she called gently. "Il est déjà six heures. Lève-toi!"

The man beside her mumbled something incomprehensible. Lily got up and buttoned her robes, peeking outside. There were plenty of grey clouds in the sky; it was certainly going to rain. Well, no surprises there; the weather had been rainy for over a month now.

Lily hated Paris in this weather; the city seemed gloomy and empty. Well, thankfully she wasn't going to stay there today; she had a job interview in London. Not that London was much better at this time of the year. In fact, it was even worse.

Being away from England for the last two years hadn't made her especially homesick. Lily sure hadn't forgotten how little she liked the London climate! She'd endured it during the four years of Healer and Auror training, but she'd had enough. Unfortunately, she didn't like Paris' weather that much, either.

"Réveille-toi!" Lily repeated more loudly, even though she knew it was pointless.

Somehow, she had managed to find a boyfriend who disliked getting up early even more than she ever had. Alain was a great Auror, but he hardly ever got to work on time. Other than that, however, he was highly efficient and respected.

She loved living alone, and had refused to give up on her independence for him. They had been dating for almost two years, but she hadn't accepted Alain’s offer to move in. After all, Lily wasn't even sure if she really loved him.

Well, it was certainly good to be in a relationship where his feelings were deeper and more intense than hers. It hadn't taken Lily long to find someone who had fallen deeply in love with her… Soon it had become a very comfortable situation. Whenever Alain said "I love you", her answer was always "Me too." But she absolutely sure he had never realised that it meant she didn't love him.

She wasn't sure she didn't love him, either. All she knew was that whatever she felt now was very different from what she had felt for James Potter. That had been… love? Passion? Probably both. But the experience hadn't been a pleasant one. It had hurt way too much, making Lily hope never to fall in love again. Sure, it felt great at the time, but… It just wasn't worth all the pain.

Lily hadn't seen James since graduation; the last time she'd heard from him was during Auror training, even though she hadn't met him. At the time, he had just gotten top marks on Concealment and Disguise, with a special bonus due to a perfect transfiguration of himself into a stag. The memory made Lily smirk. That probably hadn't been a very difficult thing to do.

Had Sirius thought of transforming himself into a dog, too? It was likely. She hadn't met any of the Marauders since leaving London, but she had received letters from Sirius and Remus on her birthday and at Christmas every year since.

Lily didn't really miss them all that much; to be around any of the Marauders necessarily meant running into James sooner or later.

Suddenly, Lily frowned.

Why was she thinking about him this much?

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You're scared that somebody somewhere's gonna find the burst pipe

And as fast as they bow down they'll leave you behind

But baby, be brave, 'cause what's the point of it all?

What's the point of it all, yeah?

Baby, don't blow it – tell me what's it all for

If you're not terrified to fail – are you terrified to fail?

The Corrs, "Baby Be Brave"

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Well, she was going to the Ministry of Magic in London, so maybe she'd be able to pass by and say hello to Remus. He wasn't an Auror, but she was certainly going to visit him soon after the interview. Sirius had been the Auror assigned to take her to London; they were supposed to meet at seven thirty.

The only British friend to whom Lily still wrote with some regularity was Leylann. They had been roommates during Healer training, and had become close friends, but Lily hadn't visited her since moving to Paris.

Why had the Ministry decided to call Lily back after all this time? It hadn't been easy to obtain permission to work in France, but Lily had thought that Dumbledore's influence would keep her there for a while – he was the one who had arranged everything, after all.

Lily checked her watch. Ten past six. She would have plenty of time to go home, eat, and still check on things at the Ministry.

With a small pop, she Apparated to her living room.

Lily's house was very organised and symmetric. The living room was beige; all the furniture was pastel, with an occasional touch of colour here and there. Every once in a while Lily got bored of the decor and changed a few things around – she'd done it just yesterday, actually.

Inheriting this spacious apartment from her grandmother had been the catalyst for moving to France in first place, after all. Well, that and her messy break-up – 'break-ups' was probably more accurate – with James.

And certainly that was enough thinking about James for a single day. Especially considering she hadn't thought of him in weeks – months, actually.

In truth, Lily couldn't even remember the last time she'd thought about him. She had entered Healer training just to avoid James, so she'd certainly thought a lot about him then –

Oh, honestly, who was she trying to kid? Herself? She'd thought a lot about James during Healer training because she had still been in love with him back then!

She'd entered Auror training one year later, and for three years had had to manage both trainings… It had been tough; Lily had barely had time to breathe, but it had been worth it. She had graduated with honours from both courses. Multitasking had been Lily's speciality since then.

Lily had a quick shower and went to her desk. She wanted to get a lot of things done before seven o'clock; she wouldn't have too much time at the office today, since her interview was at eight o'clock.

She outlined the strategy for five missions, wrote her report on three others and examined some of the latest intel they'd received, recommending the creation of two specific taskforces.

Lily was not only a field Auror, but also Head of Strategy. Well, if London wanted her back home, they would surely have to send a replacement. With all due respect, none of her French colleagues had the training or capacity for the multitasking she considered routine. Nor, she admitted smugly, had the other British Aurors working with them in Paris.

Lily stood up and grabbed her purse. She still had time to pass by a café to have breakfast before going to work – there was a great Muggle place not too far away from her place.

How would Lily handle being just 'one more' in the Auror group, not special or indispensable in any way? It would be tough… Very hard on her pride, that was for sure.

How hard… well, that depended on the team with which she'd work. It probably wouldn't be too hard if she already knew some of the Aurors –

A startling, somewhat alarming thought suddenly entered her mind: what if they asked her to work with James?

Well, he wasn't her weakness anymore. A long time had passed since then – Lily was undoubtedly over him… But that didn't mean she wanted to work with him.

Lily considered the possibility for a few seconds and shook her head.

No, she definitely couldn't work with James. It would be… weird. Awkward, too. And, above all, very irritating. They'd probably argue just like they had during their first six Hogwarts years: constantly, fiercely and dramatically. No, that was definitely the last thing she needed in her work environment.

But surely there were plenty of other Auror teams with whom she could work… If anyone would have her, that is.

The British Auror training was undisputedly the best in the world, and London probably had dozens of Aurors even better than she. Lily surely wouldn't be able to compete with them… would she?

Well, it would truly be a challenge. And Lily loved challenges.

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I was always thinking of games that I was playing

Trying to make the best of my time

But only love can break your heart

Try to be sure right from the start

Yes, only love can break your heart

What if your world should fall apart?

The Corrs, "Only Love Can Break Your Heart"

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Lily poured some coffee in her mug and sat down, mindlessly eating some toast, her mind miles away. London… She certainly had never thought she'd go back there so soon. And to work at the Ministry… She was getting to like the idea less and less every minute.

During Auror training she'd heard several woeful tales of how badly organised the British Ministry was. She'd even seen it for herself while waiting for the authorization to move to Paris.

Auror headquarters were tiny, disorganised, and crowded. Of course, all the Aurors were great – Lily remembered a few, like Alastor Moody, had made quite an impression on her at the time. But, in truth, she hadn't worked there long enough to pronounce a fair judgement.

But she would do it today. Today, she would have to make the decision.

Did she really want to start working in London? Was it really worth it? The pay was virtually the same, it was much more dangerous, and she would have to go through all the trouble of moving…

Well, she could stay in France and Apparate to London everyday. She already had friends and an apartment in Paris. Oh, yeah, and Alain. He hadn't seemed very fond of the idea of her working in London, but they hadn't discussed the matter properly yet.

Suddenly, the soft sound of wind chimes reached her ears and she looked up. Her best friend, Valerie, had just entered the coffeehouse.

She asked the waiter for a cup of coffee and sat down beside Lily.

"Good morning," said Valerie, grinning.

Having to talk to Valerie in English annoyed Lily a bit. She spoke French fluently, and would certainly prefer not to be someone with whom people wanted to 'practice English'. But then again, she'd already gotten used to it. Valerie was the only person with whom Lily still talked in English – and only every once in a while.

"Morning!"

"So, are you going to London today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Good luck with the interview."

"Thank you."

"Everybody knows you there; they'll certainly give you the job."

"Well, I didn't apply, they invited me. I don't even know if it's a field or an office job… I guess I'll have to wait to find out."

"Are all the British Aurors as good as you are? I mean, they learned you everything in London…"

Lily laughed. "Taught – yes, they taught me everything there. It's quite hard to finish the Auror training and even harder to be successful working in the British Ministry. So I guess most of the Aurors there are a lot better than me, since the standards here are not that hard to live up to. I'm probably out of shape."

"Rubbish! You're one of the best Aurors in the world, there's no need to be modest. I'll miss you…" Valerie whined, frowning. She then switched to French, complaining, "Why can't you just stay here? You've always said you liked Paris!"

'It's funny,' Lily thought, amused. 'French people always prefer nagging in their native tongue.'

"I haven't even decided if I'll move to London or not!" she replied, also in French. "It depends on the job, and above all it depends on whom I'll be working with."

"But –"

"How was the date with Bernard?" Lily interrupted her quickly.

London forgotten, Valerie grinned dreamily. "It was… perfect. He's just…" she sighed. "Do you remember how it felt to fall in love for the first time?"

Lily made a face. Thinking of James nowadays didn't make her feel giddy, not at all. But she remembered how wonderful it had felt at the time. "Yes, of course."

Of course she remembered. Even though she barely thought about James anymore, it was impossible to forget about him entirely. She'd spent all her school years either fighting him or snogging him…

And that was definitely enough thinking about James for today.

"Yesterday was even better. It was… like I'd never been in love before! I'm completely lovesick. He was nice, sweet and, needless to say, extremely hot."

They laughed.

"I told you you'd like him."

"Eh bien, you were right. So, what time are you leaving for London?"

English again. Boy, why couldn't Valerie stick to one language per conversation?

"Soon," Lily replied in her native tongue. "I'm just going to pass by the office to check on things."

"Do you want some company?"

"Sure."

They finished drinking their coffee and left. It wasn't raining, so the five-minute walk to work was a pleasant one.

"Charles arrived this morning," Valerie breathed out.

Lily stopped walking and turned to look at her friend, surprised. Charles was a fellow Auror and Valerie's ex-boyfriend, with whom Lily believed Valerie was still in love. They had broken up shortly before he'd left on an especially dangerous mission. Valerie had been worried sick in the past few weeks, seriously considering reconciliation... Now he'd finally arrived, but Bernard had entered the picture.

"So?"

"J'ai pas – it wasn't like – oh, he was great, but I think – j'suis pas sûre, that's all. J'ai besoin de temps... Oh, I really have to think about this."

Lily shook her head. She knew Valerie would end up choosing Charles.

Bernard was a great guy, but Charles and Valerie were meant to be – a perfect match. That had been, in her opinion, the reason why they'd broken up: they were way too much alike.

Very similar, actually, to –

'Oh, shut up. Honestly. James has probably moved on since then, and so have I. We weren't meant to be. Unlike Charles and Valerie.'

The only true problem with the couple was that he didn't want to get married, and Valerie dreamt of a magnificent wedding, with flowers everywhere and a long, white dress…

"I think you should listen to your heart, Valerie. But also consider you should try to avoid hurting yourself as much as possible."

Valerie looked at Lily, puzzled. That was a rather odd comment – especially considering the addressee was someone who firmly believed love was all about taking risks. And Lily knew very well that was how Valerie felt.

"I'll think about it overnight. Oh, here we are."

They had arrived at a two-story business building with a lopsided sign announcing it was for sale. Without hesitation, they climbed the stairs leading to the entrance.

Inside, the hall was in ruins. It was incredibly dusty, with dumps and broken pieces of wood everywhere. The sight always made Lily grin – and the horrible smell usually made her frown immediately after.

She blinked. Instantly, the room changed to reveal the well-organised reception of the French Ministry of Magic. Three receptionists sat behind a desk, handing badges to the many visitors.

Beside them, six Aurors watched all the incomers with very nasty facial expressions – they all abhorred the days they were assigned to do security routine, holding their wands at all times, always ready to take action.

Valerie got her badge and entered the building, but Lily approached the Aurors.

"Good morning, Chief," Will Ryder greeted in English, grinning. He was a British Auror, like her.

But Will had married a French girl, so his status was more or less permanent. Unlike Lily, who today would have to go back to that horrid place and work with people who'd humiliate her, people she probably wouldn't even like…

"Good morning," she greeted them all in French. Lily avoided speaking English at work, lest some of the Aurors should think she was passing judgment on them. "How's it going?"

They all muttered their responses. A few of them had crushes on Lily, and so they usually avoided looking her in the eye. Will didn't, so he was the first one to gather the courage to tell her the bad news.

"Everything's fine, except that… well, a Muggle foreigner's just left."

"Really?"

The Auror stared at her, puzzled. Why wasn't she worried? Everybody got worried when a Muggle managed to enter wizard-only areas. That usually meant that many more would follow, and there was a serious security breach.

"We don't know yet how he managed to –"

Lily sighed wearily. "What was his name?"

He hesitated for a moment. "Paddy Proudfoot, if I'm not mistaken."

"His real name is Sirius Black." She smiled and shook her head. "He's a wizard who loves to play pranks like that. Don't worry."

Everybody laughed, relieved.

What kind of crazy wizard would plan such a practical joke? Sirius Black would, of course. But in Paris, no one knew the Marauders or their fame… Another advantage of being in France.

"Thanks, Chief. We would've taken a while to track him down… We Obliviated him, though," remarked Will, grinning.

"He's used to it," Lily replied with an indulgent smile. "I was informed last night about his coming here; I was going to tell you guys today anyway. He's here to take me to England."

"Now that you’ve mentioned him, I think I remember him…"

"He loves doing that kind of things to people. He should be back –"

Sirius Apparated behind her at that very second. Lily turned when she heard the popping noise and surveyed him with interest. Sirius had barely changed… he was still incredibly charming, with that irresistibly roguish look about him. Oh boy, she sure hoped Valerie would never set eyes on him.

"Lilikins!" he exclaimed. "I don't speak a word of the language here, so I'm afraid your colleagues mistook me for a Muggle. They Obliviated me, though."

She grinned. "Yes, I'm sure it was their mistake, even though one of them is British. And I'm confident you used a Shielding Charm."

"Obviously. Well, I knew you were going to tell them anyway. How are you? Are you ready to go?"

"I'm fine, and no, I'm not ready," she replied soberly, and then turned to face the other Aurors. "Goodbye."

Lily turned around and entered the building, Sirius in tow. She quickly descended the stairs leading to the local Auror Headquarters. Unlike the British ones, these were big, and very organized.

Lily led Sirius to her office, visibly much bigger than all the other ones.

"Wow, nice office."

"Thanks."

It was very similar to her living room, with the same pastel tones colouring the walls and furniture, except that there were quite a few corkboards on the walls, with several maps, pictures and documents pinned on them.

Lily sat behind her glass table, gesturing for Sirius to do so as well.

"How's life, Lily?"

"Fine, never better. What about you?"

Sirius sat down. "I'm great."

"Remus?"

"Great too. Except that tomorrow night is full moon, so he's not that great."

"Peter?"

"Working with Magical Maintenance. I honestly don't have a clue how Dumbledore managed to get him that position… Last time they put him in charge of the windows, we had to watch some Muggle TV series for two whole days before someone managed to change it."

Lily grinned.

The silence that followed was heavy. She knew Sirius was waiting for her to ask about James… And that, she was sure, was how he would know if she had truly moved on. Lily couldn't risk Sirius thinking she wasn't over James. Not that she wasn't… She was, of course she was!

"What about –" she started.

Sirius interrupted her. "He's fine, too. Working a lot. He's Chief Auror now, Head of Strategy or something like that. Got his own team and everything."

"Good for him."

"And how did you manage to get this big office?"

"I'm one of the Chief Aurors here… Head of Strategy, actually."

Sirius grinned broadly for a split second, but regained his neutral facial expression quickly. Not quickly enough for Lily to miss it, but she chose not to say anything.

"I don't suppose you can tell me why the Minister for Magic himself wants to talk to you, can you?"

Lily shook her head. "If no one's told you, Padfoot, I don't think I can."

"I see. Lil, what's with the accent?"

"What accent?"

Sirius grinned. "French. You're speaking English with a French accent."

"Oh, really? Well, I ended up not talking in English much in the past couple of years, so…" she shrugged. "I need to talk to some of the guys before I leave. I'll be back in ten minutes, okay?"

"Sure."

Lily stood up and left. After thirty seconds, she returned.

"Sirius, if you hex my office, I'll have you fired," she said, looking him in the eye sternly.

He grinned sheepishly and removed the dungbombs he'd placed under her desk.

She shook her head, smiling, and left the room.

Sirius would certainly never change.

'I hope James changed.'

Lily remembered very well that she used to think James was irresistible. Well, even if he hadn't changed, she most certainly had. Surely after all that self-control training, she'd be able to keep her impulses in check.

But what was she thinking? She wouldn't feel attracted to James! It was over! She was over him! Wasn't she?

"Of course I am," she muttered irritably. "Damn it, I'm not eighteen anymore."

Five Aurors turned to look at her. Thankfully, they were all French and didn't understand a word of English.

"I need to talk to you guys," she said in rapid French. "Call Jean and go to Valerie's office as soon as possible."

Sure, she wasn't eighteen anymore. But she was acting just like she had six years ago. That hadn't ended well…

This time nothing would happen. Her story would have a happy ending, she was sure of it.

Happily ever after…

No, life with James could never be properly summarized in such an uneventful cliché. So she would remain with Alain. After all, nobody needed passion to live happily ever after, right?

But what about love?

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If you gave me just a coin for every time we say goodbye

Well I'd be rich beyond my dreams; I'm sorry for my weary life (…)

I'm no angel, but does that mean I can't live my live?

I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry

I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly?

Dido, "I'm No Angel"

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Of course Lily could understand the advantage of having a qualified, Muggle-born witch in an undercover group of Aurors. She was even curious to meet those wizards who had resigned themselves to working without many magical facilities, sometimes even surrounded by Muggles. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to join them.

After all, Lily loved magic. She'd learned to depend on it! She wasn't even able to sleep unless her wand was within arm's reach.

But this group was quite interesting. They held the record for captured Dark wizards and rescued Muggles. Only the best Aurors were chosen to be part of it… And they'd called her, all the way from France, to join. Well, maybe she could manage to use only discreet spells in her daily work. It wouldn't be that hard. Maybe it'd really be worth it.

She surveyed the tall office building with curiosity. Dozens of Muggles entered and left constantly, most of them wearing suits. She entered and took the elevator to the top floor. The fact that several Muggle companies actually had their head offices there sparked her curiosity. It probably was a logistic nightmare, preventing attacks from the Death Eaters to the building…

But the secret was certainly well kept. Plus, it was likely that the office wasn't even truly there; maybe the entrance was a portal, or even just a Portkey. Or maybe not. The Minister had told her they had telephones, fax machines, TVs and all that… Surely such a large amount of Muggle machinery would make turning the place unplottable out of question.

Thankfully, she'd brought Muggle clothing – just in case she needed it for some reason. So she mingled perfectly; her baby blue tailleur didn't clash with the nicely formal clothes of all the Muggles around her.

When the doors slid open for the last time, Lily found herself standing in a very normal looking elevator hall with cream-coloured walls and a beige granite floor. The elevator left; she blinked several times, but nothing happened.

Oh, great. The Minister just happened to have forgotten to tell her how to get to the office. Well, it was useless to look around. The security here was top-notch, and they certainly didn't receive any unwanted visitors.

There was a small cracking noise, and she turned around.

A short, thin woman was standing beside her. She wore a long, mauve skirt, a loose turquoise blouse, and a very peculiar necklace: a thick silver chain with a large pentacle. Her curly red hair was partially braided, and she wore almost no makeup.

If she hadn't just Apparated, Lily could've easily mistaken her for some hippie-wannabe Muggle.

"Hi! Lily Evans, right?"

"Yeah," she said, not surprised. So they had been warned of her arrival… thank goodness. She would've hated to make a fool of herself by having to go back to the Ministry and ask someone for directions.

"Hi, I'm Dorcas Meadowes. I'm sorry the Minister didn't tell you how to get to the office, but he doesn't quite know how to, you see."

Lily grinned. That was interesting.

"Here, follow me."

Dorcas approached a painting on a nearby wall and tickled an orange.

That gesture was vaguely familiar… It took Lily a while to place it. But she had been thinking about the past a lot today, so it didn't take her as long as it probably would have the day before. Within seconds, the image of Sirius tickling the pear to enter the Hogwarts kitchens appeared before her mind's eye.

So the creator of the office had once attended Hogwarts… and had probably missed it, too. Actually, now that Lily thought about it, she realised she hadn't asked the Minister anything about the team itself. Maybe she would even find some of her old friends in there… Not James, thankfully. Sirius had told her he was Head of Strategy now; there was no way he would isolate himself inside that office all day long.

After tickling the painting, Dorcas walked to the door and waited. After a few seconds, a silver keyhole appeared under the normal one.

"We all have a key," she explained proudly. "If anybody else tries to enter… well, they're sent somewhere not very pleasant. And all visitors have to request access before Apparating. Whenever there's someone in here, the elevator locks itself automatically, too – we don't want to risk any Muggles seeing an Apparition by accident."

Lily was impressed. The system resembled slightly that of the lower security Gringotts vaults, but to set it up in a Muggle area had probably been incredibly hard.

"We work mostly with intel and strategy, but of course there's also plenty of field work. Right now, we're understaffed, and the workload is increasing significantly. I'm glad you came! Are you a strategist, too?"

Lily nodded. However, Dorcas' attitude of considering her already part of the team was starting to bother her a bit. After all, she hadn't even made her decision yet!

Dorcas opened the door, revealing a huge, well-lit room with a desk, several glass doors. and an aluminium staircase. It had a rather clean, sharp look about it, and Lily instantly decided she loved the decor. It just kept getting better! She certainly could've gotten used to working there in a hurry.

"So… who works here?"

"Well, this one's my desk," Dorcas replied. "I do secretary work whenever I'm not on a mission – we have telephones and all that here. These," she pointed at the doors to the right, "are the private offices. Everybody has one, since there are so few of us. Well, except for the Chief. He stays upstairs."

"And who is –"

They were interrupted by the arrival of a tall, skinny woman wearing black wizard robes. She had, apparently, just gotten rid of Muggle clothes, and was – what were the odds? – also a redhead.

"Every second I have to spend wearing Muggle jeans is a torture! Why couldn't they just stick to the social pants, dresses and tailleurs? Those things are horrible!"

Dorcas shook her head. Apparently, this was a daily rant. "Lene, this is Lily Evans. Lily, meet Marlene McKinnon, our Potions specialist. She also knows a lot about Muggle electronics."

"Lily Evans? I think I remember you… You were Head Girl, right?"

Lily nodded.

"I was three years younger than you, a Ravenclaw."

"Oh, I remember you," Lily replied, grinning. Goodness, she was sure thinking a lot about the past today. "You were that girl who threw some Itching Potion on Severus Snape and confined him to the hospital wing for a couple of weeks!"

Marlene grinned smugly. "I was hoping I hadn't lived that down. The jerk sure deserved it."

Lily laughed. That girl probably got along well with Sirius… was she in the Order, too? Lily had meetings with Dumbledore every two weeks, but she didn't attend the normal Order gatherings. So she didn't know – she had never bothered to ask Dumbledore about the other members.

He had loved the idea of her working in London. In fact, Lily was almost sure he had a hand in her nomination to the job. Especially now that she'd found out the group had simply asked the Minister for a strategist.

"Lene's just left training… She's the youngest Auror here."

"Well, nice to see you again, Marlene."

"You too."

"As I was saying," continued Dorcas, "the doors to the right lead to our private offices. The doors to the left lead to the larger conference rooms."

"And the door at the end of the hallway," interrupted Marlene, "leads to the Auror Headquarters in the Ministry. We hardly ever use it; only the Chief has the key."

"And the staircase, like I said, leads to his office."

"And what's he like?"

Dorcas and Marlene sighed in an unmistakeable way, and Lily concluded immediately that they had crushes on him. And, if he didn't reject them, he didn't encourage them, either. It was probably good for him to have lovesick girls in his group: it helped maintain his undisputed authority. Lily knew how well that worked – she did it, too. More than half of her male Aurors had a crush on her.

"He's –"

"He's perfect," said Marlene, smiling languidly. "He's cute, smart, funny…"

Lily grinned, finding the situation quite amusing and getting even more curious about meeting this Chief Auror.

"And it's impossible not to fall for him once he saves your life… Do you have any idea what it feels like to be captured, tortured for days, and left starving? And then suddenly that wonderful man comes out of nowhere and picks you up, and…" she sighed again. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him."

Lily laughed. "Does he know that?"

Dorcas shook her head. "He probably does. But he's left it quite clear: he doesn't date co-workers. Doesn't mix work with pleasure… Unfortunately."

"So you two have crushes on him?"

"Oh, Amelia does, too," said Marlene nonchalantly. "Do you remember her? Her full name's Amelia Bones. She two years older than you, a Ravenclaw. She works with Runes, Astrology, Arithmancy and all that. She's the one who usually deals with our Muggle neighbours, too. She's divorced, and has an adorable two-year-old boy; his name is Gus, and he's the cutest thing! Anyway, she likes the Chief, too. Maybe not as much as we do, but she does."

"She says she doesn't, but she's obviously head over heels. Who does Lia think she's kidding with all that solicitude?"

"Does he always get here late?"

"Oh no, he's the first one to get here every day. But today he had a meeting with some of the other Aurors. He should be here any time now."

"And what's his name?"

The moment the words left Lily's lips, she heard footsteps behind her. The immediate change in the girls' facial expressions told her who had just arrived.

She turned around. And tried very, very hard not to gape.

Standing right there, staring at her like a ghost from the past was James Potter.

.................................................

Sometimes I feel like I've got to get away

One day you will see another side of me

My life I command – it's not the way that you planned

Leave me alone, leave me alone, out on my own, leave me alone

What do you want from me? Do you dream of a life, your life through me?

Myself, my time, in one we unite?

I don't ever want to be that girl you want me to be…

The Corrs, "Leave Me Alone"

.................................................

James looked good – hell, he looked even better than she remembered. Of course, it was impossible for her to mistake his identity: the messy hair, strong arms, broad shoulders…

Okay, she wasn't excessively sidetracked by his physical appearance, but his eyes… They had a sparkle she didn't recognise. He seemed more mature now, more sober, yet more untamed, somehow. Like… he had a reason to live now.

More determined – that was the word. Lily rather liked this new James.

No! No, she didn't. He had probably arranged for her to come; he'd wanted to lure her back to him…

Marlene didn't notice their shock and proceeded to the introduction.

"James, this is –"

"You're Chief Auror here?" Lily asked, still barely believing it. "You?"

Marlene turned to look at Lily. Did they already know each – oh! That's right, they'd gone to Hogwarts together!

"You're the girl the Minister called?"

James stared at Lily like he'd never seen her before. And he hadn't – not like this. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' had never seemed truer than right then.

Boy, she looked good. Even more beautiful than she used to be, if that were even possible. Of course, she was visibly angry – did she think he had arranged all this? He hadn't! He had had no idea whom the Ministry had called to fill the empty place in his group.

Though, now that he thought about it, he could've guessed: a Chief Auror in France with virtually the same skills he had plus Healer training? Naturally, that had to be Lily. Obviously. He just hadn't stopped to think about it.

"You –" Lily was about to start calling him names when she remembered, in an absurd urge of thoughtfulness, that he hated it when people insulted his mother. So she ended up finishing, rather lamely, with a mild "arsehole!"

To everyone's surprise, James grinned. "Good thing you remembered."

Dorcas and Marlene were looking from one to the other, not fully understanding what was going on.

"Well, James Potter, I don't know which part of 'I never want to see you again' you didn't understand. But if you need clarification, here it goes: I'm never going to work with you! If I can help it, I'll never look at your face again! I don't care which twisted plan of yours motivated –"

"I swear I had no idea! I asked the Minister to find someone, that's all," he said, and then looked pointedly into her eyes to stress his following words, "I even mentioned it to Dumbledore last time I saw him… I asked if he had any idea whom we could call."

Lily's eyes narrowed, but she found it hard not to believe him. Dumbledore had told her a few times that, even though she was useful in France, her potential would be much better explored if she returned to England. He had tried very hard to convince her to come back home… and now he'd asked the Ministry to call her, too. Damn him, damn him, damn him! He knew she would never, ever work with James; why had he put her there?

Oh, she would kill Dumbledore…

James could tell Lily's anger was slowly being redirected at Dumbledore. Her arrival had been a very pleasant surprise. In fact, James couldn't think of anyone better to complete his team… He was starting to get sick of all his girls worshipping the ground he walked on, even though he knew that it was good for the team's equilibrium. He knew very well that Lily would never be that indulgent.

"I'm not going to work here, James," she stated calmly.

"Why not?"

"I have a life in Paris," Lily replied, already getting irritated again. "I have a great job, friends, an apartment… I don't need to come to work somewhere more dangerous, go through all the trouble of moving –"

"But," James intervened smoothly, "you know very well that your working here would be better for everyone."

"Not for me!" she shrieked, clenching her fists, standing on the tip of her toes. "You all just forgot to think about me!"

"Don't bring me into this!" James exclaimed, aggravated. "I didn't plan this! And honestly, Lily, if you want to leave, just go!"

"I will!"

"Then leave! But just so you know… There's more to this than our little history together! Just because you don't want to work with me, it doesn't mean that you should not be somewhere where your talents would be better employed against Voldemort!"

Lily didn't flinch, unlike Marlene and Dorcas.

"What makes you think you know where I'll be of better service?"

James clenched his jaw, and didn't answer. Why couldn't Lily just admit that he was right? She had to stay! It was logic! Boy, he was mad. How come Lily still had that extraordinary ability to push his buttons so effectively, so quickly?

Lily was furious, too, but she could see he had a point. And of course she'd die before admitting it, too.

James chose to act like he hadn't heard her question. "Glad to see your proper British accent's back. It sounds much better than the French one."

Lily snorted. She hadn't noticed her recently acquired accent had disappeared, but that fact was obviously due to her change of environment. She only now realised there was someone else watching them: a medium-built brunette with a black suit had come from one of the meeting rooms.

"Er… James?" the girl called timidly. Obviously, she had been waiting for an opportunity to speak for some time now.

He looked at the newcomer.

"Yes, Amelia?"

"The Ministry's asking permission to add our fireplace to the Floo network temporarily… You know, so that the applicants can come here."

James sighed. "Yeah, okay."

Amelia left and James turned to look at Lily again. She had calmed down, and was scolding herself inwardly for losing her self-control like that.

"I assume your place is vacant, then," he said tiredly. "There are a few people who want to join, but none of them is really as qualified as you."

"What about Sirius?"

"He's very necessary in his team. Besides, he doesn't fit the profile; I need a strategist."

James looked at her pointedly, and she heard the unsaid rest of his sentence as well as if he'd spoken out loud: 'The last thing I need in my team is Sirius wreaking havoc.'

"I see."

"Come on, Lily –" James tried for the last time. "Can't you at least give it a shot?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I don't need… this all over again. You'll find another strategist. I'm sure the Ministry won't force me to work here. And if they try to, I'll quit. I just – I won't."

James nodded and looked at her sourly. How could she turn her back on this opportunity? It would be so much better for everyone if she stayed! Her potential wasn't being fully explored in France – she needed to come back.

"Bye, then," she said quietly, turning to leave.

"Bye."

"Hi!" cried a shrill voice behind them, and Lily froze in place.

'No, not her… Anyone but her…'

"Jamie!"

James didn't turn around to look at the newcomer; he was too busy watching Lily's facial expression with keen interest. He could tell she was about to change her mind – if anything, this could make her do it. For the first time in his life, he was actually glad to see Kate Malshirn.

She walked to James, beaming. Tossing her white-blond hair, she looked at him adoringly with big, honey-coloured eyes.

"I've just heard your team's receiving applications! I've been waiting for this, like, forever!" squealed Kate. "I've got all the qualifications you could possibly hope for – I even did a special strategy course last semester!"

James nodded slowly, still waiting to see how Lily would react. Oh, of course he'd never accept Kate in his team – he hated the girl –, but there was no way Lily could know that…

Lily faced Kate glaringly. All she could think about was how much she hated Kate – the girl who'd ruined her life, the girl who'd made her break up with the love of her life –

The fact that she didn't argue with herself over calling James 'the love of her life' was symptomatic of how angry Lily was. She didn't give it a single thought – she just knew that she loathed Kate Malshirn.

And she was going to let her work with James? Lily was going to let that… slut take her place beside him? – Not that she wanted that place, but –

Hell, no! Lily would die before letting Kate work with James! The girl obviously had made sure she had everything needed for the job – damn her! –, so there was really no other way Lily could stop her. She would have to take the post.

Kate had just noticed Lily was right beside them – and instinctively perceived that they were there for the same reason.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded angrily. Kate had long since given up on understanding James' unconditional love for Lily. And now that the… love of his life was back, he would surely choose her, to try and win her back… And Kate was going to lose this job just because of Lily? No!

Lily sighed. She was going to have to do this. At any rate, she could always quit the minute Kate joined a different team…

"I work here, Kate," she replied at last, to Dorcas and Marlene's utter bewilderment. "I'm sorry, but there are no more vacancies in the team."

James smiled, but quickly hid his smugness beneath a mask of sombreness. He couldn't risk Lily thinking he had manipulated this situation in any way – he hadn't, but… Well, he had definitely liked the outcome.

Kate clenched her fists and pursed her lips, furious. How dare Lily come all the way from wherever the hell she'd been in the past few years just to take James away from her?

"Yeah, Kate, sorry," said James, not meaning it at all. "I'm sure you'll find another team in no time."

"But, Jamie," she whined. "This office is so big… I'm sure there's room for one more person –"

Lily threw James a look that clearly told him it was either her or Kate. Obviously, James would much rather have kept Lily.

"I'm sorry, Kate, but no. Out team is –" he cast a sideways glance at Lily, "perfect as it is."

Marlene opened her mouth to speak, but James shut her up with a look.

Without another word, Kate turned around and left, pouting.

After a few seconds, Amelia came out of the meeting room whose fireplace Kate had just used.

"James, what happened? Kate –"

"I've already chosen the newest member of our team," he announced, fighting back a grin. "You can close the fireplace. But first – Amelia Bones, Lily Evans."

They nodded politely at each other and then looked back at James.

"Welcome to the team," he said to Lily genially.

She walked over, her eyes narrowing dangerously. James knew very well how to recognise the signs of what was coming. He of all people… But he couldn't avoid it; it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Lily slapped him, just like she had so many times before they'd started dating. Only she was much stronger now… What an arm!

"You big-headed, insufferable jerk," she spat.

Lily turned and walked away. When she was almost at the door, she called out, "I'll be here tomorrow at seven-thirty."

They all stared at the door after she was gone; slowly, their gazes turned to look at James. His cheek was red, and probably hurting, but he smiled anyhow.

"Your new Chief Auror," he informed them cheerily. "We'll share the leadership of this group."

Everybody continued to stare at him.

"Oh, we'll get along… eventually."

Amelia snorted softly, disbelieving.

"Hopefully," James added quietly. "Yeah – hopefully."

.................................................

2. Against All Odds

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 2

"Against All Odds"

.................................................

.....................

.................................................

We shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared the tears

You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, there's just an empty space

There's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now, there's just an empty space

And you coming back to me is against all odds, and that's what I've got to face…

Mariah Carey, "Against All Odds"

.................................................

James Potter liked being an Auror. It was the perfect profession, really: making big bucks for doing the right thing. Okay, so maybe the salary wasn't that big. And they didn't really get any credit for their successes – and were always criticized for their failures. But that didn't matter; James liked it anyway.

Unlike most of his colleagues, he didn't complain about the size of the Auror headquarters. In truth, James didn't work there, so he couldn't care less. He even liked to visit those crowded, tiny cubicles every once in a while – like, once a month or something.

But staff meetings… those, he disliked. So much that he had considered turning down his promotion to Chief Auror just because he would have to attend those damned monthly meetings. What was the point? He didn't agree with most of the other Chiefs – no one agreed with each other, actually. They hardly ever decided anything, James always left with a headache… and, of course, he had to meet Kate Malshirn.

Even now – six years after his break-up with Lily –, he still couldn't bear to look at Kate's face without feeling angry and frustrated. And, to his utter misery, she was an Auror, too. And she had been chosen as the secretary for the Chief Aurors' meetings, since she wasn't part of any team yet.

James honestly hoped someone would call the girl to a team soon. Of course he wouldn't, but… Well, even though he didn't really have any more hopes regarding Lily (whom he hadn't seen in six years), that didn't mean he had forgiven Kate for being the reason they'd broken up.

Naturally, he hadn't forgiven himself, either. James knew perfectly well that he, not Kate, had been the real reason.

It was routine for James to scold himself whenever he started to complain about any of his girlfriends since then. He'd lost the perfect girl because of his stupidity; he couldn't possibly hope to find any other one who'd be as good as Lily. They were perfect for each other, but now there was no way she'd ever return to him.

'Of course she'll never return! She's not stupid!'

Indeed, Lily wasn't stupid. The very first thing she had done after Graduation was to enter Healer training. What a wonderful, brilliant way to avoid being stuck with James during Auror training! By the time she entered Auror training, he was already one year ahead, so they never met. She was certainly too busy equilibrating the two hardest vocations in the wizarding world to attend the endless parties thrown by Aurors. Obviously, they hadn't met after training, either. She had practically gone straight to France, and had been working there since.

Was she happy? James honestly couldn't imagine the answer to that question. He wholeheartedly wanted to believe that she wasn't – that she still missed him; that she wanted to come back to him… But in truth, James was quite sure that she had moved on. Why shouldn't she have? James had, even though he had no idea of how he would feel when they met again. If they ever did, that is – Lily had done a pretty good job of avoiding him so far.

Whenever James mustered the courage to ask Remus for news, Moony was always a bit evasive. James quickly concluded that Lily had a boyfriend and his friend didn't want to hurt him.

But would it hurt, to know that Lily had moved on? Probably not. It was strange to think that his deep feelings for her had disappeared so quickly… Well, it had actually taken him a few months to suppress them and get back on his feet, but still! He had always thought that he'd love her forever… Apparently, that had not been the case. Their 'forever' had barely lasted for two years…

Maybe Lily already had a boyfriend who had been with her for more than two years… But she couldn't have forgotten James completely… could she?

All right, James had moved on, but… he hadn't forgotten her. How could he forget? She had meant too much for him to forget her this easily.

But he didn't… love her anymore – not after all this time.

"Have you got anything to add, Mr. Potter?"

.................................................

Someone told me love would all save us, but how can that be?

Look what love gave us: a world full of killing and blood spilling

That world never came…

And they said that a hero can save us; I'm not gonna stand here and wait

I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles, watch as they all fly away…

Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott, "Hero"

.................................................

James looked up at the Minister, startled. He hadn't been paying any attention to the discussion… But somehow he was sure that he would regret it deeply if he answered 'no' –

"I'm not… quite sure, sir."

'Oh, yeah, very smooth, James Potter.'

"You should make up your mind! The continued existence of groups like your own is what is at stake here! Do you or do you not agree with the maintenance of undercover Auror groups?"

"Of course I do! But – well, I believe we all understand the importance of these groups… Despite all the budget issues, they mustn't cease to exist."

"I think they're absolutely essential," Kate Malshirn piped up, beaming at James. "They're the best Aurors, after all."

James tried very hard not to wince; the atmosphere in the room suddenly seemed very glacial. Most of the fourteen Chief Aurors were glaring at Kate – the few who weren't had politely tried to focus on the Minister.

"Well –" began Alastor Moody hotly.

"Not all of us agree with you, Miss Malshirn," interrupted Frank Longbottom, one of the ones who worked in Headquarters. "Your – er – partial opinion of who are the best Aurors should not cloud your judgement. The existence of these groups is making the financial resources deficient for other teams."

Frank looked at James pointedly. Their behaviour towards each other at work was mostly civil, but in truth they were on excellent terms – James had even been best man at Frank’s wedding.

"But they are important, Frank!" James intervened predictably. "We can do stuff you can't – the Ministry doesn't recognise our existence entirely, so we're allowed to face more –"

"Danger? What, James, you think us regular Aurors don't face as much danger as you guys do?" demanded Ralph Cyrus, Frank's colleague. "Oh, honestly!"

Gideon Prewett let out an amused whistle. He also had an undercover group, and found this discussion as annoying as James did. Of course the Ministry wasn't going to end the groups! They had more than once helped the regular Aurors with tricky, off-the-record missions…

"Listen, guys," he said conciliatorily, "obviously, we all face a lot of equally dangerous situations. It's what we do. And… well, if we have to survive budget reductions – we undercover groups, I mean –, then we'll have to survive. Because we're as necessary as you are – and everybody here knows that. Merlin knows we have enough to worry about – we don't need money problems to top it off… But if it's necessary, then so be it."

James nodded, and so did Frank.

"So you'd be willing to maintain your groups with one third of your current budget?" asked the Minister. "Mr. Potter? Mr. Prewett? Miss Rutilia?"

"One third?" moaned Julia Rutilia, running her hands through her dark brown hair. "One third? That's too little! Our workload gets bigger every day!"

"And so does ours!" exclaimed Ralph heatedly.

James raised his hand to stop the imminent arguing. "We'll work it out between the three of us. What do you think, Gideon?"

"Fine by me."

Julia turned to look at James, curious. Oh, what was he up to this time?

He smiled at her. "Jules?"

How could she possibly resist that smile? How could she ever say 'no' to him? James obviously still had quite an effect on her… even though they had already been together for almost a year.

"Yeah, okay."

James turned to look at the Minister. It was very rare for him to attend these meetings, for he was a busy man. But every once in a while he showed up… James couldn't understand why anyone would come to these meetings willingly.

"Anything else, sir?"

.................................................

For what it's worth, I think there's nobody like you

You've got grace, got a heart beating and despite you're fun (…)

Now we're alone, gonna show how much I need you

Kiss you so you won't ever wanna leave me…

The Corrs, "Even If"

.................................................

The meeting was shorter than usual; the Minister had a meeting at eight o'clock. The Chief Aurors weren't willing to continue after he'd left – most of them enjoyed the discussions as little as James did –, and were now returning to their teams.

The staff meetings were always held at different places in the Ministry to avoid any sort of assault by Death Eaters, striking all the Chief Aurors at once. So now they were all leaving a room inside the Department of Magical Creatures, far away from Auror headquarters.

James walked leisurely to the Ministry exit. He was thankful for the wrapping up of that boring, pointless meeting; now he could go back to work – real work, not the sickening diplomacy and politics involved in dealing with the Minister…

"Hey," said a voice behind him.

James turned and embraced Julia, kissing her softly.

"Merlin, that meeting was boring!" he muttered with a sigh.

"It was! Thank goodness it's over – but what on earth was that all about? What are you and Gideon up to?"

James smiled that secretive, gorgeous smile of his. "Never mind that – you'll get the resources you need. We don't spend that much money, Gideon and I. We'll be able to give you more than one third of your current budget."

"This funding reduction doesn't include salaries, right?"

"No, just operational costs."

"Still, it's so not fair… The other groups don't have to pay electricity bills or rent; their Aurors don't have to buy Muggle clothes all the time or anything!"

"Don't worry, Jules," he said, lifting her chin a little. "You'll get the money you need, no matter what they say."

She sighed and put her arms around his neck, giving in to his kiss. How could he always make everything seem all right so swiftly? How could he have such a disturbing effect on her? And how had she managed to find such a perfect guy?

Julia was an exuberant brunette who tended to have really bad luck in her relationships. She always managed to pick the wrong guys somehow – James was beyond any doubt her best boyfriend so far. Everybody thought she was beautiful and lovely; it was very hard to get on her bad side. In fact, being an Auror didn't really match her personality; her choice had been a result of her older sister's murder by Death Eaters, six years ago.

It hadn’t been hard for her to achieve the much-coveted position of Chief Auror in one of the undercover teams. She was naturally gentle, meek, and conciliatory. James, on the other hand, was extremely dynamic and sharp – a bit autocratic, even. He had an irresistibly magnetic personality, and she found it almost impossible to deny him anything.

They hardly ever had arguments. Whenever they did, James was always the first to apologise and admit he was wrong. But, obviously, things were done his way most of the time, since she disliked arguing with him and wasn't nearly as stubborn as James was. Other than that little flaw, however, he was wonderful.

Julia checked her watch. "Oh, Merlin, I really should get going. My team's leaving in ten minutes."

He kissed her once more. "Good luck, and be careful," he said, looking into her eyes.

"Bye, James – I love you."

He hesitated for a few milliseconds, like always.

'Oh, come on,' he scolded himself. 'Jules is leaving on an extremely dangerous mission – and even now you still can’t say you love her? Your Lily-caused traumas have nothing to do with this adorable, gentle girl! Why can't you just say it?'

"Me too," he said at last.

This seemed to please Julia; her beautiful dark green eyes twinkled. She knew nothing of his inner struggle, and had never complained about the fact that he had never said the actual words 'I love you'; it was always 'me too.'

She grinned and walked away.

James stared after her, feeling a bit guilty. But how could he tell Julia spontaneously that he loved her if he wasn't sure he did?

.................................................

Ton adieu, je n'y crois pas du tout

C'est un au revoir, presqu'un rendez-vous

Ça va pas changer le monde, il a trop tourné sans nous

Il pleura toujours sur Londres, ça va rien changer du tout

Qu'est-ce que ça peut bien lui faire une porte qui s'est refermée?

On s'est aimé, n'en parlons plus, et la vie continue...

Joe Dassin, "Ça va pas changer le monde"

.................................................

On her first day at the job, Lily arrived at the office at seven-thirty sharp. Marlene opened the door for her; when they entered, both Amelia and Dorcas were waiting anxiously to talk to Lily.

"Why don't you like James?" asked Dorcas. "I've never seen him as angry as he was yesterday, arguing with you."

"I remember you guys used to date," intervened Marlene. "But then you broke up, right?"

"Yeah," Lily replied dully. Well, she knew they were bound to ask her these questions… but she didn't like thinking about the past. James had broken her heart, and it had taken her a long time to mend: now she knew fully well that he was a jerk, period. There was no more need to think about it. "We broke up, because he cheated on me… with Kate Malshirn."

Comprehension slowly dawned on their faces.

Amelia frowned. "So you took this job because you didn't want her to get it?"

"Yeah."

"So… are you still in love with him?"

Lily's eyes flashed. "No! I hate him now."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! After everything he's done… I'll never forgive him."

The girls looked at Lily curiously. It seemed strange that a girl should hate James so passionately… In fact, none of them had ever met a girl who didn't like him.

"He's upstairs," said Marlene. "He has your key."

"I'll get it later, then."

They suddenly seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?"

"It – it's just –" stuttered Dorcas. "Well… you're going to work upstairs, too."

"What?"

"You're going to work with James, upstairs."

"Why?"

"You're a Chief Auror… You guys have to work together."

Lily buried her face in her hands. Merlin, this just kept getting worse… After taking a deep breath, she faced them again.

"I hope that door is soundproof," she said with a slight grin. "There's going to be a lot of yelling and duelling in that office."

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It's you I hoped for, us I prayed for, and me that I believed was wrong

Now my anger is my best friend – be careful, I may bite your head off!

So call me a bitch in heat and I'll call you a liar; we'll throw stones until we're dead

So call me a bitch in heat and I'll call you a motherfucker

And we'll throw stones until we're dead…

Paula Cole, "Throwing Stones"

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"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too! Admit it! You were wrong!"

"I didn't say the camp would be –"

"Of course you did! Several times!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

On the first floor, Marlene and Dorcas listened to the Chief Aurors' yelling upstairs. Lily hadn't exaggerated when she'd said that the two of them would argue a lot… She and James had already had five very loud rows in the three hours since she'd arrived.

"I think it's only going to get worse," said Marlene with a sigh.

"They'll tire… eventually! They have to!"

"Oh, no, I don't think so. They bickered for six whole years!"

"Really? I wish I remembered them from Hogwarts. But I was a few years older, and I didn't pay much attention to the Marauders. Sure, they were cute, but they were way too young for me to care that much. Plus, I've never liked Quidditch."

Dorcas stared at the closed door pensively. The did-not-did-too was still going on. "Merlin, they sound like two little kids."

"They bring out the worst in each other… I'm sure neither of them is like this around anyone else."

"Do you reckon they're still in love with each other?"

Marlene shrugged.

"I don't think so. I already know how to recognise the signs by now… No, she definitely doesn't have a crush on him."

"Yeah, I agree."

"Wouldn't it be romantic if they were still in love, though? I mean, after all this time… Maybe James still likes her."

James' deafening "FINE!" from upstairs interrupted their conversation.

"Fine!" Lily shrieked, even louder than him. She then stormed out of their office, slammed the door and descended the stairs quickly, visibly furious.

Marlene threw Dorcas a meaningful look. "I really don't think so," she muttered.

Lily walked to the girls. Marlene gave her a glass of water; after drinking it and taking a few deep breaths, Lily was calm enough to begin a normal conversation. "Oh, James Potter is the most irritating man on Earth!"

"Today is your first day, Lily," said Dorcas. "Maybe things will get better as time goes by."

"They won't!"

"Maybe you two –"

"We don't get along, period," she explained irritably. "But we'll get the work done despite all the arguing, there's no doubt about that."

"Well… That's good, I guess."

"No, it's not," Lily replied, still annoyed. "If we didn't get the work done, one of us would be fired. That would be better – well, anything is better than working with that man."

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If you wanna be my lover, you've got to get with my friends

Make it last forever – friendship never ends

If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give

Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is…

Spice Girls, "Wannabe"

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The door to the hall opened suddenly, and Lily turned.

Remus entered; his skin was even paler than usual, and his eyes were tired. She remembered that Sirius had mentioned something about the approaching full moon.

"Moony!" she squealed, grinning.

Lily ran to him and they hugged.

"Wow," he said, smiling. "You look absolutely gorgeous, Lil."

"Thank you!"

"Are you going to keep on pretending we're not here?" asked Sirius, who had just entered. "I know you love Moony to death, but come on…"

She beamed playfully. "Oh, Padfoot, you know I'll always love you, too."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek, and walked away, making way for the fourth Marauder to cross the threshold.

Sirius greeted Marlene and Dorcas in his usual, charming way, and rushed back to Lily, curious. Why was she there?

"What about me?" Peter complained.

Lily threw him a sympathetic look and hugged him. "Aw, Wormtail… you know you have a special place in my heart."

He smiled.

"So… What are you doing here?" asked Remus curiously. "Padfoot mentioned you had come yesterday – and I thought you were going to stop by, but you never came."

"Well, I work here now."

Silence.

"Here?" spurted Peter at last. "You mean… here?"

"In this office? With James?"

"That's what the Minister wanted to talk to you about?"

She nodded. "Unfortunately."

The three Marauders stared at Lily, stupefied.

"But… why did you agree?" demanded Sirius. "I'm sure he wouldn't force you…"

She hesitated before answering. Indeed, why had she agreed?

Well… because of Kate, of course. But if she told them that, they'd automatically conclude that she was still in love with James – which she wasn't.

"Does Dumbledore want you here?" asked Remus all of a sudden.

Her eyes widened, and darted towards Marlene and Dorcas.

He understood her shock, and added hastily, "We're all members of the Order, don't worry."

Lily raised her eyebrows and glanced at the girls, surprised. "In that case… yes, he does."

Marlene and Dorcas were also watching her with renewed interest. "You're in the Order, too? You've never come to the meetings!"

"Well, I'm going to start now… I was in France, so I didn't attend them, but I worked for the Order nonetheless."

"Amelia isn't part of the Order," warned Dorcas. "But that's just because of Gus. Her brother Edgar's already part of it, and they're all the family the kid's got."

"But she does all sorts of office work – she helps in whatever ways she can. She's even done some things for the Order, even though she's not officially involved," clarified Marlene.

Sirius was still having a hard time believing the situation. "So you quit your job as a Chief Auror in France to work under Prongs' supervision?"

"No! First, I didn't quit my job in France – I'll try to juggle both of them for as long as I can handle it. And second, I'm not working under James' supervision. We're both Chief Aurors, and Co-Heads of Strategy."

"You're joking," said Remus, beaming. "You two are going to… not only work together, but also depend on each other's consent to get anything done?"

She grinned, a bit ruefully.

"If you don't mind me saying so, that sounds impossible," mused Peter.

"It is."

"You're crazy," stated Sirius.

"No, Dumbledore's crazy. He's the one who wanted me here in first place. Actually," she checked her watch. "I think I'm going to Hogwarts and talk to him now. Try and make him change his mind, you know."

"You do that."

"Bye, everyone."

She left in a hurry, and the others were silent for a few seconds, pondering what just had happened.

"Do you reckon James is going to fall for her again?" asked Sirius.

"I think she's moved on," offered Peter. "But I don't think he'll fail to notice she's much more attractive than Julia."

"Except for the minor detail that she hates Prongs' guts."

"When has that ever stopped him?" asked Remus with a slight grin. He cast a sideways glance at Marlene and Dorcas. "Well, I'm glad we won't be caught in the crossfire this time."

"Oh, yeah," said Sirius, smiling at them. "Good luck with that, girls."

.................................................

Don't hide away, 'cause I know that you've got what it takes

I believe you can be what you wanna be

Let yourself go, don't you worry about a thing (…)

You think that you're ok, but it's not good, good enough for you…

The Corrs, "Hideaway"

.................................................

There was a black cab stopped right in front of the building, and Lily entered.

"King's Cross Station, please."

The driver started the car.

She took a deep breath and looked outside the window. The boys were right; it was impossible for Lily and James to work together.

How did James manage to get under her skin so fast? She shouldn't have let him! After all that self-control training, she surely should've been able to ignore his taunts. Well… they hadn't really been taunts. After all, he hadn't irritated her on purpose – the first two times, that is. The other three had been deliberate, no doubt about it.

The driver said something, but Lily was too caught up in her own thoughts to hear. Why was she taking a cab, after all? She could've easily Apparated to Hogsmeade and gotten a horseless carriage there! Oh, James was already messing with her mind somehow…

"Pardon, what did you say?"

"Which platform are you going to use, ma'am? If you don't mind me asking…"

"Er… nine."

After a few seconds, Lily frowned. Why was he asking her that? It didn't make any sense.

She observed the driver with more attention now. He had long grey hair and beard, and his blue eyes looked vaguely familiar. Was he someone she knew disguised or something? But why would a wizard be undercover in a cab?

"And three quarters, naturally. Oh, yes," he said softly, looking straight into her eyes through the mirror. "Hogwarts is very pleasant at this time of the year… Miss Evans, is it?"

"I'm – I'm sorry," she stuttered. "Do I know you?"

He smiled broadly, and for a second Lily realised why she'd recognised him. Not – Dumbledore?

"My name is Aberforth," he replied.

"Are you in any way related to –"

"I'm his brother."

Lily was startled. She had never realised that Dumbledore had a family. Well, he obviously had to have a family, but… it seemed weird somehow.

"Why are you driving –"

"I assist other Order members whenever I can."

"Oh. And you were told I was joining the team?"

"Yes. Albus told me, and – well, he seemed happy you had decided to stay."

"Oh, I'm glad he's happy! Honestly, working in that office will be a nightmare!"

"You know very well that's where you're supposed to be," he replied sympathetically. "That little team has the best Aurors in the Ministry, and some of the most active members of the Order. Except for the Prewetts and the Longottoms, that is."

"But I don't like him," she said miserably. "James Potter, that is. I can't stand him!"

"You've always worked well together, even when you hated each other."

"I guess," Lily muttered. "You're probably right."

"Oh, I'm just the messenger."

He looked at her piercingly – oh, he and Dumbledore had the same annoyingly omniscient, twinkling blue eyes!

"Are you still going to King's Cross, miss?"

Admitting defeat, Lily shook her head.

Aberforth – or rather, Dumbledore, who had asked him to deliver that message, was right. She would have to stay in James' team. It was undoubtedly the right place for her…

And she would definitely have to learn how to work with James.

"No," she answered. "No, back to the office."

.................................................

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do

Backbeat the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out

I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding…

Oasis, "Wonderwall"

.................................................

Julia paced around the office, staring absent-mindedly at the papers on Dorcas' desk. James was taking longer than usual to come down for lunch, and she had been waiting for him for over ten minutes.

Unbeknownst to her, Lily and James were having another argument in the office upstairs. They'd already made the door soundproof, so not a word of it reached Julia's ears.

After a few minutes, he came downstairs. James was upset, but hid that fact well. "Hey!" he greeted, pecking his girlfriend on the lips. "How was the mission?"

"It went just fine; we got what we went for."

"Great. We should go, baby – I don't have too much time. There's an incredible amount of work today."

Julia nodded; suddenly, she remembered she had something to ask him. "I've just received a mission scenario – I'd sent it here, but that wasn't your handwriting on the parchment."

"Oh." Well, he would have to tell her sometime soon… It was better to deal with it already. "We have a new strategist – a new Chief Auror, actually. She started working today."

"Really?" she asked, smiling. "You're sharing power now? Wow… Who's the unlucky girl? – Because no men will ever join your team, of course."

"I do prefer working with women," he admitted with a grin that quickly disappeared from his face. "But this one's… different from the others. I think she likes to annoy me – in fact, I'm pretty sure she hates me. But she's a great strategist, so I kind of have to live with it."

"Oh, baby, you just like to control everything. It must be killing you to have to let someone else have as much authority as you. But you're right about one thing – she did send me a brilliant strategy. When can I meet her?"

He grimaced. "Well –"

"Julia?" said a new voice, coming from the top of the stairs.

She wheeled around, and, barely believing her eyes, asked, "Lily?"

James watched, stunned, as the two girls embraced, laughing.

"Merlin, I haven't heard from you for yonks! How are you?" asked Julia, grinning.

"I'm fine… How about you? Where are you working?"

"I have a group just like this one."

"Chief Auror?"

"Yeah."

Lily smiled. "Always knew you had it in you."

"What about you? Still working in France?"

"She's –" James began.

Julia realised how his sentence was going to finish and interrupted him. "You're the new Chief Auror here?" she squealed, delighted. "You're the unlucky girl with whom James has to share the command?"

"Ah… yes. Yes, very unlucky indeed."

"Poor you."

"I'll live," Lily said with a resigned sigh.

"Wow. That's just – wow, great!"

Lily was about to ask what Julia was doing there when she noticed James' facial expression. He was obviously ill at ease…

Then it dawned on her. They were dating! James was dating Julia Rutilia… But of course, the two of them had a lot in common, now that Lily thought about it. Their extraordinary gift for Transfiguration was one thing. They even had matching sun signs…

"But you and James aren't getting along, huh? I remember your duels when we were at Hogwarts…"

"We're not that extreme anymore," Lily explained. "We're just too stubborn for our own good, that's all."

Julia's eyes widened. "You'll never get anything done if you oppose James stubbornly – you just have to accept his decisions."

Lily laughed. "Sorry, Jules, but I do oppose James stubbornly and I will get things done my way most of the time."

"You two know each other from where?" James asked all of a sudden.

His ex-girlfriend smiled sweetly. "She was one year younger than us at Hogwarts, James. Unlike you, I actually attended all those boring Prefects' meetings – and Jules was a Ravenclaw prefect since our sixth year. Plus, we went through Auror training together."

"Lily was absolutely crazy! She was doing Auror and Healer training at the same time for three years! She barely had time to breathe… How did you manage to do that?" Julia asked, grinning broadly. "Oh, never mind. I know you're a genius."

"Not in Transfiguration… You're much better than me."

"Oh, but James is way better than me."

Lily shrugged.

"So… you're friends," said James slowly.

"Do you want to go out one of these days? Me, you, and Leylann, just like old times?" asked Lily, ignoring James completely.

"Sure! Just in case you don't remember – I won't go anywhere that has anything to do with Quidditch."

"You still hate it?"

"It's so… boring!"

"It's the best sport ever, and it's fun, and – oh, Merlin, we've had this discussion before. Okay, whatever. No Quidditch."

"I still live in the same flat… Send me an owl, and we'll get together. Boy, I haven't talked to Leylann in a year or so… Are you still dating that hot French guy?"

Lily laughed. "Which one? I've dated a few hot French guys…"

Julia giggled. "Oh, I don't think I can remember his name. Let me see… Albert? I think it was Albert."

"Ah… Alain, actually. Yes, I'm still dating him."

"So you guys have been together for… almost two years then, is that it?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, that's a long time."

"It is," Lily agreed, grinned. "What about you two? How long have you been together?"

James stared at Lily for a few seconds. So she was with someone – well, of course she was; he couldn't have expected her not to move on. But she and this Alain had already been dating for longer than James and Lily ever had. Was she in love with him?

"Almost a year," he answered quickly. "Sorry to interrupt, girls, but we really have to go, Jules."

"I've just noticed!" she squealed, giggling. "You two are the only people I know who call me 'Jules'! That's so weird! Okay, bye, Lil."

Lily grinned slightly. "Bye, Julia."

"Oh no, 'Jules' is fine… Aren't you going to say goodbye, James?" she demanded.

James blinked for a few times. "Yeah – bye, Lily."

"Bye, James."

The couple left, and Lily stared after them. Was this going to be weird? She didn't want to spend any more time than strictly necessary around James, but she didn't want to lose a friend, either. She and Julia had become very close during Auror training, and Julia had even visited Lily in France a few times.

Julia seemed to have forgotten that Lily and James had dated… Wasn't she afraid of losing her boyfriend?

Of course not. Julia trusted people. She was friendly – too friendly.

That was why, for example, she would never enter the Order of the Phoenix. She believed that people were essentially good, and trustworthy. In such dark times, people like her were rare… But Lily liked Julia, naïve as the girl was.

James had found the perfect girlfriend. Julia would hardly ever disagree with him; she wouldn't mind him controlling her all the time – they'd live blissfully…

Yes, James was probably going to marry this girl, and they'd be happy together.

Lily grinned. Why, it was likely that she'd be the bridesmaid at James' wedding! How perfectly ironic!

Strangely enough, the prospect didn't bother her at all.

'I think I did it,' she thought cheerfully. 'I'm over him, for good!'

Well, now she could hate him in peace, without worrying about whether or not she was going to fall for him again. If thinking about James' wedding to another woman didn't upset Lily, then surely nothing else would.

She was finally over James.

.................................................

3. Throwing Stones

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 3

"Throwing Stones"

.................................................

Hey, every day there's a reason to just do it all over again

Up all night, I waste my time – I'm fine, but a day behind (...)

All the things I do, don't you tell me not to!

Try walking in my shoes…

Aimee Allen, "I'd Start A Revolution"

.................................................

For the first time since they'd started dating, Alain woke up before Lily.

'Five a.m.,' he thought crossly, looking out the window. 'The sun hasn’t even risen yet!'

But it would be worth the sacrifice. He'd at least be able to talk properly with Lily, something he hadn't done for the past three weeks.

Three weeks… So much had changed since she'd started working in London! Alain hadn't visited her office yet – she had asked him not to, claiming the location was a well-guarded secret and having outsiders there could be a serious security breach –, but he was sure of one thing: wherever they were, they were keeping her extremely busy.

Lily now woke up at a quarter past five every day. She usually came home at around seven-thirty in the evening, but worked until well past midnight. As a result, she and Alain had barely spent time together in three weeks, let alone gone out or anything. He understood that the change had affected her schedule and that she was still trying to find her balance, but… This was too much.

Whenever Alain complained about her busy schedule, Lily always apologised and said it wouldn't take her too long to normalise her workload… She'd been saying it for a fortnight, and nothing had changed so far.

Lily had used to be so homey… Now she didn't even have time to go to the market! Her only means of shopping was by owl-order. But since she couldn't find the time to cook anyway, she ate at restaurants every day – when she had the time to spare, that is.

Thankfully, she managed to grab a bite at work, so she wasn't losing too much weight. The lack of sleep was already taking its toll, but she tried to balance it by sleeping a little more on the weekends – until six o'clock, that is.

Lily kept saying that she had too much work to rest properly. She was always under the pressure of some deadline! Alain had tried to help her a few times, but she'd always refused assistance, protesting that he wasn't a professional strategist like her. Which was true, but… well, he should have been able to do something to assist her.

The amount of missions she had to plan seemed absurd, or at least strange. Come on, Alain was an Auror, too! Working in London couldn't be all that different from Paris! He'd never heard any rumours about British Aurors not having social lives due to excessive workloads.

'Quite the contrary, actually,' he thought with a smirk. 'British Aurors always get all the best girls everywhere.'

So why was Lily so busy?

.................................................

Hey, you're too true to be good, and I'm too bad to pretend

Transparent and transfixed, I'm uncool

Heartbeat, you're looking at me

Must stop, I'm letting you see this isn't how I want it to be…

The Corrs, "Humdrum"

.................................................

Lily's alarm clock rang at precisely five-fifteen. She turned it off less than five seconds later, and quickly got up. She went to the bathroom and started brushing her teeth.

When Lily walked out, toothbrush still in her mouth, she started choosing which clothes she'd wear. It was only then that she noticed her boyfriend was standing by the window.

"Alain?" she asked without turning around, settling on black social pants, a loose navy blue blouse, and a black overall. "What happened? Why are you awake?"

"I want to talk to you," he said, walking to her.

"I can't," she replied, frowning. Opening her drawer, she got lingerie, and bent down to decide between the dozens of shoe pairs. "I have tons of scenarios to work on, and then I have to get to the Ministry before seven. I'm sorry, honey. We'll talk later, okay?"

"Lil, I really need to talk to you," he said sternly. "Please? It won't take too long."

"I'm sorry," she repeated, walking to the bathroom. "I really can't do this right now. I have a very important meeting, and a lot of work to be done in the next couple of hours."

"Lil –"

"Go back to sleep," she said tiredly, turning on the douche and taking off her nightgown.

He stared at her in a particular, unmistakeable way as she undressed. "Do you want me to –" he gestured towards the shower.

"No," she interrupted him, annoyed. "I'm late, Alain. I don't have time for this."

After practically kicking him out, she locked the door.

Oh, why couldn't he understand she needed to be alone right now? She always had an enormous amount of work to get done; she couldn't waste time with these trivialities…

Alain didn't know it, but Lily was still working for the French Ministry. She was accumulating her workload as a British Auror – which was rather oppressive, since she worked in one of the busiest teams in the Ministry – and most of her previous obligations as a French Auror.

Consequently, she was doing practically no field work, which was her true passion. Strategy was only a pastime… But it turned out that there were incredibly few people qualified to take care of that essential part of the work.

So she was stuck in strategy, planning several French and British missions per day. How could Alain think she'd have time to discuss their relationship now? He should have given her some time to find a balance between her work and her personal life, and then things would slowly go back to normal.

Normal… what was normal? For Lily, that usually meant spending some time with Alain, having an affair here and there, and working frantically in the meantime. Obviously, he didn't know that. Now she didn't have time for him, but she didn't have time for any flings, either. She was working more than she ever had – Alain should be thankful for the growth in her workload, she thought with a smirk.

Oh, why couldn't he be a bit more reasonable?

Why couldn't Alain just be a bit more like James?

.................................................

I'm not hungry; no, I'm over fed, satisfied with the life I've led

Moving on to where you can't see

What is me, well, it's just for me – mine, end of the line (…)

I've got confidence; I'm not afraid…

The Corrs, "Confidence For Quiet"

.................................................

"Good morning, Dorcas."

Dorcas looked up from the typewriter to greet the newcomer. Lily was always one of the first ones to arrive at work, but today she'd had to spend most of her morning in a meeting, so everybody was already at the office.

"Good morning! Here –" said Dorcas cheerfully, handing Lily a jug of hot coffee. "Figured you'd need it after spending three hours discussing Disinformation politics with all those uninteresting people."

Lily grinned. "It was incredibly boring, but hey, I survived. Is there anything for me?"

"Why do you even bother asking? There's a huge pile of parchment on your table, upstairs. About half of them are labelled 'urgent', as usual."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"I'm in a meeting if anyone looks for me, all right?"

"Sure."

Lily climbed the stairs in a few seconds and entered the huge office she shared with James.

"Morning," he said without looking up from the parchment he was examining. "Lots of work. How'd it go?"

"Fifteen pages of notes – legislation changes and all. There'll be another meeting in a couple of weeks. Details later."

"All right."

Their communication was civil and essentially staccato until they started having an argument. They got along just fine like that – their brief, objective communication didn't distract them from whatever it was they were doing.

Lily stared at the pile of parchment on her desk for a few moments before actually immersing herself in the work.

After a few minutes, James looked up. "A French Ministry owl left a while ago, after waiting for an hour or so. You might want to ask them to resend the message."

She quickly wrote a couple of keywords to help herself remember what she had been thinking about before his interruption. "Why did it leave?" she asked.

James shrugged. "Obviously important and urgent stuff."

"Oh, Merlin…" she moaned, gesturing for her own, Myrie, to leave the windowsill and come to her desk.

"It was about the French Minister's visit next week," he said after a few seconds.

Lily immediately narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "How do you know that?" she asked, walking to his desk.

James sighed – he knew very well what was about to happen. "I just wanted to check what it was – you know, to see if it was important enough to be worth interrupting your meeting."

"And who are you to decide what is or isn't important enough?" she shrieked. "You might want to butt in my work for the British Ministry, but –"

"I was just checking; that's all! I know how important the visit –"

"You were being nosy, that's all!"

She had at last managed to wind him up. James hadn't been in the mood for arguing, but Lily had changed that in seconds… as usual.

.................................................

There you go again; you cut me off from talking

You bask in the glory, the centre of the circle

All our friends think you're a comedian, so kind and generous

But I'm suffering… Away from here, I wanna be away from here

Away from every little thing – I used to love your every little, every little thing

(…) Now I hate your every little everything all day…

Paula Cole, "Throwing Stones"

.................................................

James stood up, glaring at her. "Nosy?" he spat. "Nosy? Of course not! I certainly have better things to do with my time than to –"

"Well, then don't!"

"I didn't!"

"Well, of course you did!"

Dorcas opened the door slightly and peeked. She'd knocked, but no one seemed to have noticed. Oh, they were arguing – as usual. No less than three arguments per day, and habitually a lot more than that. At least Lily and James hadn't started duelling this time… Things usually got pretty ugly when that happened. The office had been refurbished three times in the past three weeks…

"Lily?" she called.

James was yelling at Lily, and she was too busy glowering to listen to Dorcas.

"LILY!" bellowed Dorcas, above James' voice. This caused the two of them to finally look at her. "There was someone here to see you."

"There was? Why, the person's left?"

"Yes."

"See?" Lily roared, turning to James. "You made me lose my visitor!"

"I did not! You started this! And you're so busy you're not even supposed to –"

"HEY! STOP YELLING FOR A SECOND, WILL YOU?"

Lily and James obeyed and turned to look at Dorcas crossly.

"Would you mind coming downstairs with me, Lil?"

She nodded and left, but not without sending James one last withering glare.

"You know," said Dorcas quietly when they arrived at her table, "you were the one who asked me to tell everyone you were in a meeting. Why were you two fighting this time?"

Lily grinned. "Oh… Yeah, that's right. But I needed to yell at someone today… And, well, James did something that wasn't even that irksome, but I was already in a bad mood, so we started arguing – and if you hadn't stopped us, we would still be."

"If you guys could spend at least one day without arguing… I mean, you two never stop bickering, not even during the Order meetings!"

"We can't," she said, shrugging. "We're just complete opposites – we don't get along."

"Rubbish! I've seen you two working together on the field, and you guys are perfectly cohesive. More so than any other Aurors I've ever seen."

"That's different – it's a life-or-death situation. We have to get along."

Dorcas sat down and sighed. "Have you ever considered that your life here would be a hell of a lot better if you'd just… stop? Restrain yourself whenever you felt like yelling at him?"

"I'm sorry, but the only way we'll ever stop arguing is if one of us leaves… And Dumbledore wants us both here."

Dorcas decided to try another approach. "There has to be something good about him. Come on – I can think of hundreds of things. Do you hate him so… completely? Can't you find at least one little trait you like?"

Lily exhaled heavily and looked away.

'Okay, now I have to come up with good things about James. Oh, Dorcas, if you can think of hundreds, I can surely think of thousands. I know him, so I can afford the luxury of hating him… I know every single one of his qualities, and each of his bad traits…'

"Well, he usually respects my space, and he helps me out whenever he can – and when I let him," she replied at last.

"He trusts you more than he ever did any of us, too."

Lily looked at Dorcas soberly. "Only because he knows me better than any of you."

"Just trying to help… Come on, there has to be something more."

She grinned. "Let me see… He doesn't mind me using my time and office resources to do work for the French ministry."

"Oh, and he always makes sure you eat enough – you have to admit that's really thoughtful of him."

"I hate it when he does that. But he does treat me civilly whenever we're not arguing."

"See? He's not that bad."

Lily shook her head. "I know, Dorcas. It's just… I can't stand him."

.................................................

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me

It seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me

Someone to face the day with, make it through all the mess with (…)

I'll be there for you when the rain starts to pour

I'll be there for you, like I've been there before

I'll be there for you, 'cause you're there for me too…

The Rembrandts, "I'll Be There For You"

.................................................

"James Potter is undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Lily grimaced and looked away from Julia's face, dismayed.

"Well, I'm sorry, Lil, but it's true."

"I just don't see how that man can be the best thing that has ever happened to someone. How can you possibly like him?"

"He's adorable, he's sweet, he's gentle –"

"He controls you! You can’t even breathe unless he tells you to!"

Julia opened her mouth to protest.

Seeing that, Lily rushed to add, "Okay, I know I'm exaggerating, but come on, Jules, you know what I'm talking about."

"I do… But I don't mind! I'm in love with him, and if he wants me to do something, I will. I don't care if that means he influences me too much… I just want to be with him!"

"Well, you could try standing your ground every once in a while," intervened Leylann.

"Why? You guys make it sound like he makes me do horrible things! I just let him choose the restaurants we go to and things like that – nothing disagreeable. Plus, if I tell him I don't want to do something, like Quidditch, or… you know, stuff, he always respects my wishes."

"You don't like Quidditch?" asked Valerie, surprised. "It's a nice sport."

"I hate it."

"What about you, Leylann?"

"I do… Not as much as the guys, or Lil, but I do."

"See, Lil? Loving Quidditch isn't natural," said Julia with a smile.

Lily sighed. "I played on the Gryffindor team for six years, Jules. Do you really expect to convince me that Quidditch is boring?"

"I suppose not."

"Anyway," interrupted Valerie. "I'm getting curious to meet this James Potter. When will I get to see him?"

"Any time you want, Val."

"I've gone to Lily's office twice, and he wasn't there! Or rather, he was, but she didn't want to show him to me."

"Why not?"

Lily frowned. "Oh, it's just weird… I don't know… I guess – well, he's going to think I talk to my friends about him all the time –"

Leylann giggled. "But you do!"

"Not by choice! Julia's the one who likes talking about him!"

"Lil, you have to introduce them! Or else I'm just going to have to force her to be the third wheel sometime…"

"No way!"

Lily grinned. "Hey, you guys could double-date. It'll save me the trouble…"

"That's actually a good idea… me, James, Valerie, and… who? Charles or Bernard?"

Valerie made a face and shook her head. "I don't really know. I'll think about it."

"Come on, Val… It's been almost a month. You should've decided already!"

"I'm pretty content with both of them right now, thank you very much."

"They're going to end up finding out… and then you won't have anyone."

"I don't think it'll come to that. I'm going to tell Charles about Bernard – soon. I just don't know exactly what to say. And who are you to criticise me, Leylann?"

Leylann scowled. "Sirius and I are different. He knows perfectly that well I date other guys, and I know he has tons of girlfriends. We just stay together in the in-between… It's a comfortable situation, unlike yours."

"But you really like Sirius, don't you?" asked Lily.

"Well, of course I like him. We've been more or less together since sixth year! I just don't love him, and it doesn't hurt me to think of him with other girls. I know he'll forget about the others after a while – I'm the only… recurring one."

"Your relationship is rather dysfunctional," said Valerie matter-of-factly. "I'm actually also very curious to meet this Sirius Black."

Lily laughed. "Oh, no, you're not, Val."

"Why not?"

Leylann cast Lily a sideways glance and immediately understood Lily's trail of thought. "Sirius is a very attractive guy… You don't want to add an 'I'm-falling-for-my-friend's-boyfriend' item to your already long list of unsolved problems, do you?"

"Oh, I see. Of course not."

Leylann stared at Lily pensively. She was having a hard time believing Lily disliked James as much as she conveyed… Where had all that love gone?

Lily had been utterly miserable during most of Healer training. Leylann remembered consoling her several times; Lily had cried herself to sleep every night for months after breaking up with James.

She had only managed to return to normal after starting Auror training – she had barely had time to think, let alone shed tears for James.

Was this what she was doing now? Her workload was heavier than anyone else's because of her wish to continue working for the French Ministry… Was Lily trying to work this hard just to put James out of her mind?

Leylann didn't know for sure… But this whole situation seemed awfully familiar. Lily and James' endless bickering had inevitably let to their falling for each other the last time. Now, however, things were more complicated: not only did Lily resent James for cheating on her, but Julia and Alain were also in the picture.

Alain wouldn't be a problem. Leylann knew her friend well enough to tell that she didn't love him. For the most part, he was just a rebound board. Lily had been having affairs ever since she'd started dating him! All he meant to her was security…

But Julia… Did James love her?

Was Lily going to have to deal with falling for her friend's boyfriend? Would her love be unrequited?

Leylann was almost sure that things would slowly get back to normal – that is, Lily and James would get back together, and eventually get married.

But that 'almost' was bugging her to no end.

.................................................

4. Humdrum

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 4

"Humdrum"

.................................................

I wanna take you for granted, drift while you're talking

Bathe while you're downstairs, and chat on the phone

Fall asleep before bedtime, pass in the hallway

Forget your birthday, and shrink all your clothes…

The Corrs, "Humdrum"

.................................................

The Death Eaters had recently started kidnapping wizards and exchanging their freedom for that of Azkaban prisoners. Naturally, the Ministry didn't like negotiating with dark wizards, and the Aurors always tried to rescue the hostages before both parties had reached a compromise.

As time went by, Voldemort's followers got more and more sophisticated. They now had mansions equipped with cells and torture chambers, and more informants inside Ministry ranks than ever.

The Dark Lord's strategies were driving the Aurors crazy. He had them searching for hostages in Belfast when they were actually in Bristol; he made them rush to protect a Muggle family living in London when in truth his next kill was planned in Scotland…

Nevertheless, they still managed to get most of the work done, and maintained a decent success ratio. When they failed, however, the press immediately hurried to condemn the Ministry and criticize the Aurors.

The main reasons for their success (despite Voldemort's tactics) were the existence of a few informers amid the Death Eaters and the continued activity of strategists like Lily Evans. Intel on the Dark Lord's plans was always abundant, confusing, and often misleading; it was her job to work with every possible scenario, coming up with several approaches to each situation. She had to try to minimise the surprises Aurors encountered on the field.

Her work was absolutely vital. Lily knew that very well, and took it seriously. In fact, one might even call her a workaholic.

So there she was, at ten-thirty on a sunny Saturday morning, sitting at her desk, working at home. She'd been at it since six o'clock, and was far from done.

In truth, she was a perfectionist. She certainly wouldn't finish all the things she had to do, for she intended on using all the time available until Monday to perfect her strategies.

"Lil?"

And there he was… again. Why did Alain keep interrupting her? Couldn't he see that she was busy? He'd woken up less than an hour ago, and had already disturbed her several times.

Lily didn't even bother to look at him. "Yes?"

Alain ignored the unmistakeable exasperation in her tone and silently wondered why she'd taken to speaking English at home recently. Many things were changing about Lily, and he was quite sure he disliked them all.

"You haven't eaten anything."

"I'm all right."

"Come on, you need to take a break."

She sighed impatiently and finally looked up at him. "I have a lot of work to do, Alain. Close the door when you leave, please."

He nodded and did as she'd asked.

After a few seconds, Lily stared at the closed door. What was going on? Their relationship had begun going downhill from the moment she'd started working in London.

She had very little patience to deal with him now – even less than she had had in the past two years. Back when she was still working in France, she had been much more caring and serene around Alain… But then again, she had used to cheat on him all the time. Now she was so busy that she couldn’t even spent time at home with him, let alone maintain an affair.

Nevertheless, she still managed to find time to argue with James.

James… Oh, Merlin – how come she couldn't even spend a weekend without thinking about that guy? Anyway, he was annoying as hell most of the time, but at least he never bothered her when she was working.

Whereas Alain seemed to do it on purpose sometimes. Okay, Lily knew that she was working all the time, so the only way he could ever talk to her was if he interrupted her work. Lily cared about him, she really did. But she was just a bit impatient these days.

Alain was no romantic; in truth, he was really pragmatic most of the time. But the truth was that he was in love with her. Lily knew what that felt like, even though she wasn't in love with him. He just wanted to be with her. Their sex life, or lack thereof, wouldn't disturb him as much if she just gave him some more attention.

The fact that there seemed to be no space for him in her new life was probably hurting him more than her constant snapping. Poor lovesick schmuck…

There really was no space for him in her new life. And Lily knew that this fact should have been bothering her, but, strangely enough, it wasn't.

Lily was starting to realise she not only didn't love Alain, but also didn't care for him at all.

"What am I doing with this guy?" she muttered.

She shook her head and focused back on her work.

It was a typical Lily response: dutifully pushing those thoughts away for later consideration and returning to her previous occupation. She had more important things to think about – analysing their relationship would have to wait.

.................................................

It's all right to make mistakes; you're only human

Inside, everybody's hiding something

Take time to catch your breath and choose your moment

Don't slide…

Dido, "Slide"

.................................................

The French Minister of Magic was going to visit England next week. That was all anyone was allowed to know: no specific location or date had been released.

It seemed that the French Ministry was finally learning how to keep a secret, an art its British counterpart had mastered ages ago. Great! Superb! Wonderful! Conceal the Minister's location from everyone, and only announce it when he was about to leave… It was really the best thing to do. Except that… it didn’t really make sense to conceal the location from Lily. Not from the one person who had to come up with the security scheme that would protect Jacques Neveu from any incidents.

Oh, it was aggravating her to no end. How the hell was she supposed to position the security for the Minister's visit if she didn't know when he was arriving or where he was going? Lily was used to working in the dark every once in a while, but this was too much! She'd already proved her loyalty countless times – there was no need to withhold those details from her!

Suddenly, an owl flew in. Lily recognised him instantly.

"Hey, Kayk."

He dropped a rather large envelope on her desk, nipped the tip of her finger affectionately, and flew away.

Before opening the package, Lily noticed that there was something written on the outside – unsurprisingly, it was James' handwriting.

'You know, despite the fact that it's a beautiful Saturday afternoon, I'd be willing to bet my Cloak that you'll be surrounded by mission scenarios when you receive this package. Either that or you'll be in the middle of a tantrum because you haven't received the proper directives regarding Neveu's visit next week. The latter's more likely. Or maybe both. Well, guess what? Christmas came a little early this year.'

Lily grinned slightly, and opened the envelope. One quick glance at its contents was enough to improve her mood significantly.

It was all there: the Minister's arrangements, details on his staff, their requests to the security teams… Lily didn't know how James had managed to get access to all this, but she didn't care. He had just made her work a hell of a lot easier.

Well, it was common courtesy: she would have to write him a thank-you note. And, of course, while she was at it, she was going to ask him his opinion on a scenario or two.

After all, James knew Lily very well, but it was reciprocated. She was absolutely certain he was also working… 'despite the fact that it was a beautiful Saturday afternoon.'

.................................................

Every twenty seconds you repeat her name

But when it comes to me, you don't care if I'm alive or dead

So, objection! I don't want to be the exception to get a bit of your attention

I love you for free and I'm not your mother

But you don't even bother…

Shakira, "Objection"

.................................................

"If we enter – no, but then they'll… Yeah. Actually, what would happen if we did… that?" James muttered to himself, using his wand to alter a 3-D rotating scenario. He motioned for the tiny transparent people to enter the building through a secluded passageway and the first few were blown to pieces. He hastily got the rest of the team out of there. "Oh, no, that's definitely bad."

His eyes darted quickly to Julia. She had been sitting not too far away for almost two hours, apparently waiting for him to notice her presence.

"Is something wrong, Jules?" he asked for the tenth time, already knowing the answer.

"No, everything's all right."

He shook his head slightly and focused on the scenario again. Well, if she didn't want to say it, he sure didn't want to push her.

In truth, James knew perfectly well what was bothering her, for it was bothering him as well. They had a problem in their relationship. Things just weren't the same anymore. Something was going on, driving them away from each other. Julia didn't know what it was, but James did. To be more precise, it wasn't a thing… it was a person. A woman.

Namely, Lily Evans.

To put it mildly, James couldn't stop thinking about her. And not in a good, romantic, nostalgic way – oh, no! Her image showed up in his mind's eye at the most… inappropriate times.

He was quite sure Julia didn't know that, whenever he was in bed with her, all he could think of was Lily. The poor girl definitely didn't deserve it – Julia had always been sweet; she'd never done anything wrong. But what could he do?

Even arguing with Lily got him aroused, for goodness' sake! The fact that she was the only girl who had ever opposed him systematically, with sharp logic and keen arguments, only worsened the problem. Of course, her brains weren't what made her so appealing. They were only a small piece of the puzzle.

See, James Potter had a selective memory. He usually identified his acquaintances by their talents – Quidditch or work related. He effortlessly managed to remember details about a mission that'd happened months ago; it was equally as easy to come up with Quidditch tactics or statistics.

Now, girls… Girls were a problem. Of course James still remembered most of their names and all, but he just couldn't manage to recall many details about a one-night stand. Unless the night in question had been an incredible, exceptional one, he wasn't able to evoke its events.

And he remembered every single time he'd slept with Lily.

Every. Single. Time.

How could he have forgotten? She was, beyond any doubt, the best he'd ever had. Even now, six years since the last time they'd slept together, the memories were vivid enough to send a pleasant shiver down his spine.

"James?"

Startled, he looked at Julia. She was now standing, looking at him with a puzzled expression.

"You spaced out."

"I was thinking – I – I have to – Lily sent me a –" he stuttered.

'Damn it, James Potter, control yourself.'

Julia shook her head and started walking to him. "Lily hates you, James," she said with a raised eyebrow, as if she knew what he'd been thinking about.

He groaned inwardly. 'Don't remind me.'

Well, of course Julia didn't know about his latest fantasies – James didn't know what her point was going to be, but it certainly had nothing to do with those.

"But I don't," Julia continued softly, sitting on his lap. "Come on… Work can wait a bit."

He gave in and kissed her.

Well, at least if he indulged Julia and eventually cuddled until she fell asleep, he would have some time to work without interruptions. That is, except for Lily's occasional letters with suggestions about the scenarios he was working on and questions about hers.

James sure as hell didn't mind when she interrupted his work.

.................................................

I see you in my memory, as vivid as today

And I wonder, do you see me in that same, familiar way?

Oh, another place, another time, we'll meet again and you'll be mine

Oh, 'cause nothing can compare to you and I…

Wasn't it true? Do you remember like I do?

The Corrs, "Remember"

.................................................

'You know, James, maybe we should rent a house, and have all the meetings there. It'll be more expedient to secure one single space than to have a team moving around with Neveu all day long.'

'That's a good idea. But do you reckon we can secure a house that much? If the Minister stays in the same place for a long time, the Death Eaters will have more time to try and get in.'

'That's true, but I don't think it's worth the hassle. We're going to have to plan a different security scheme for each of the places he visits… It's too much!'

'Did you spill ink on Kayk's left wing?'

'Yeah, sorry. I've just cleaned it.'

'I'm just not sure whether or not it's worth it. It's true; we shouldn't waste our group's time if there's any other way.'

'I think so too. Yeah, we should look for a house.'

'We're going to have to rent it for at least two months, or else the owner might get suspicious.'

'Good thinking.'

'Where, though?'

'I don't know… Any ideas? Can you look for it personally?'

'What, do you think I have nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon than look for a house for the French Minister?'

'That is precisely what I think.'

'Oh, whatever. All right, I'm going to take a look and then I'll get back to you.'

'Good luck. And no diversions in the meantime, Mr. Potter.'

'I take it you're too busy to consider indulging in said diversions, then, Miss Evans. It's a pity. Oh, I think I found a place; do you want to check it out with me? The ad says it's more or less secluded and very spacious. There's a picture with it; the house looks really nice.'

'Send me the address; I'll meet you there. And about that other thing… even if I weren't busy, darling, and you were the last man on earth, it still wouldn't happen. Not a chance. Don't get your hopes up.'

When James read Lily's last reply, he couldn't help but to laugh.

Quite oddly, the prospect of spending the rest of the day alone with Lily pleased him immensely. Oh, of course she'd rebuffed his little joke, but who was she kidding? She was obviously in denial; of course she was attracted to him. How could she not be? James highly doubted that boyfriend of hers, whatever his name was, had managed to make her forget their Hogwarts days.

The way James saw it, he and Lily were on a break. After all, she had promised she'd come back to him. What kind of a break-up was that?

And now she was back… Okay, so he didn't love her anymore – so what? It wasn't like he loved Julia. Or any of the other girls he'd dated since Lily, for that matter. Love was a very rare thing, and they'd let it wane… All they could hope for now in a good relationship was companionship, attraction, and mutual understanding.

Besides, they looked great together; everybody thought so. Yeah… They would get back together soon, James was sure of it.

It was just a matter of time.

.................................................

Wasn't it true? Do you remember like I do?

Wasn't it true or is it all tainted in your view?

Could I be just a dream or two away from you?

Do you remember? Oh, I remember…

The Corrs, "Remember"

.................................................

"Oh, this is nice. This is very, very nice."

James stared at the surroundings and nodded. "Yeah. Can you believe it? Godric's Hollow – the place where the Snitch was invented…"

She threw him a look. "I've read Quidditch Through The Ages as many times as you have, James. Please."

He grinned. "I'm just saying…"

Lily shook her head, smiling.

The house in front of them looked like something straight out of her dreams. It was absolutely perfect, down to that cute little squirrel carrying a nut by the tree.

"It's perfect," she breathed out.

"Should we go talk to the lady?"

"Yeah, sure."

They walked to the front door and knocked. After a few seconds, a short, friendly lady opened it.

"Hello."

"Hello, ma'am. I'm Lily –"

"And I'm James Potter," he intervened smoothly.

"I'm Mrs. Baker," she replied, smiling and shaking his outstretched hand. "You're married?"

"No," answered Lily at once, irked.

"Actually, we were just passing by –" began James with a smile. He then froze for a few seconds; they hadn't prepared an excuse for their presence.

"In truth, we're getting married," continued Lily. "We were looking for a house around here. And then we saw that little sign saying it's for sale… Well, we were wondering if we could take a look."

The lady seemed startled, and didn't even stop to remember that there was no sign saying the house was for sale. "You were just… passing by?"

James understood why she was worried; she thought they were Muggles. But they couldn't tell her otherwise right there, in broad daylight. "May we come in, ma'am?"

"Oh, of course. Please."

They entered, and Mrs. Baker closed the door. All of a sudden, a loud, ominous groan came from upstairs, followed by a loud crash.

"Well," she said, choosing her words carefully. "This house is a bit strange sometimes, so –"

"You have a ghoul?" Lily piped up with interest.

Mrs. Baker was startled. "You're a witch?"

"Yes, of course," she replied. "We saw your ad in the Daily Prophet. But we couldn't tell you that in the middle of the street…"

The old lady laughed with relief. "Oh, wonderful. How could I explain to a Muggle that I have a depressed, homesick ghoul living in my attic?"

They laughed.

"Can we take a look around, Mrs. Baker?"

"Please, go ahead."

"Well, excuse us, then."

Lily and James observed the house with interest; it didn't take them long to conclude that the interior was just as perfect as the exterior. The two floors would be easily secured with a simple plan, and controlling the entrance would be a piece of cake.

"I could get used to living here in a hurry," muttered Lily, observing the view from the veranda. "This house is beautiful."

"Well, you stay there and enjoy the view. I'm going to talk to Mrs. Baker about the payments."

"All right."

James descended the stairs, and found Mrs. Baker in the kitchen, making tea. She offered him some, and they sat.

"We were thinking of renting the house for a couple of months."

She nodded. "I moved here recently, but my ghoul misses our old manor. I'm going to return, and I'm trying to sell this house."

"I'm not sure –"

"No, you can rent it. I'll sell it later, no problem. I liked the two of you – you make a lovely couple."

He grinned.

"What do you do for a living?"

"We work in the Ministry."

"Together?"

"Yes."

"My late husband used to work in the Ministry…" said Mrs. Baker fondly, "Oh, that's very nice. Well, what do you say to six hundred galleons?"

"It's a fair price."

"Wonderful, then. It will only take me a few hours to move out. You can come tomorrow morning, if you want."

"Perfect. Well, we should be going. We have a lot of packing to do."

They shook hands, and James went to the staircase.

"Sweetheart!" he called with a smile. James knew very well what Lily's reaction to that would have been if they weren't in this situation.

Lily came down immediately.

"You know," said Mrs. Baker giddily, "if you're thinking of having children, this house is wonderful. There's a big garden where they can play, spacious rooms…"

"It's a wonderful house, Mrs. Baker. Thank you very much – for everything. We'll send you an owl to wrap up the final details."

"Of course. It was my pleasure."

They Apparated to the office. James got his key while Lily ticked the orange. Once they were inside, she threw him a look.

"'Sweetheart'?" she spat.

James shrugged. "You were the one who came up with this whole we're-getting-married scenario, my dear. I just played along."

"How much?"

"Six hundred."

"It's fair. Two months?"

He sighed. "Yes. A worthy addition to our growing budget. You know, if we actually depended on the Ministry to pay for all of this, we'd never get anything done."

"I doubt any of the other Chief Aurors invest this much in their teams. How do they manage? Well, I'll give you my six hundred on Monday – I just have to stop by Gringotts."

"All right."

"I put some surveillance items inside some rooms, and I got the blueprint to the house. It's a strategist's dream come true."

"Good. I reckon Mrs. Baker is trustworthy. I had a Sneakoscope in my pocket, and it apparently didn't find any faults," he said, getting it out and showing it to her.

Lily spun it around idly, observing it with interest. "It's nice. But what would you have done if it had started buzzing?"

"Apparated away."

"You should've told me you were bringing this."

"You would've caught the hint and left, too."

She nodded.

"Well," he said, standing. "I should go, then."

Lily ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, me too. I'll send you a copy of the blueprints… Oh, James, I actually wanted to ask you – How do you manage to work at home?"

He looked at her, surprised. "What do you mean? You work at home all the time…"

"Well, yeah, but Alain keeps interrupting me. Doesn't Julia get annoyed?"

"She not really that type of girl. She doesn't complain, but of course she gets annoyed. I don't get that much work done on the weekends – the other Marauders don't let me, either."

"Yeah, I thought so."

.................................................

I have daydreams of another, so romantic you'll discover…

I wanna take you for granted, drift while you're talking

Bathe while you're downstairs, shrink all your clothes

Fall asleep before bedtime…

The Corrs, "Humdrum"

.................................................

Lily sat at her desk and stared at the stack of parchment for a long time. She didn't feel like working, for the first time in a while. She loved being an Auror, no doubt about it, but now she had some thinking to do.

James had given the game away. All right, it had only been one little, tiny, harmless joke… But Lily knew better. Well, maybe she was reading too much into it – oh, of course she wasn't!

Unless she was very much mistaken – and that was hardly ever the case with anything regarding him –, James was now determined to get into her pants. He seemed willing to ignore the existence of both Alain and Julia; Lily just had to make the first move, and he would take care of the rest.

She knew him too well to believe he was faithful to his girlfriend. Without a doubt, he occasionally had his adventures; like Lily, James needed the excitement. Besides, after that long – he and Julia had been together for almost a year now –, their sex life was certainly slowing down.

Would Lily be willing to do this? Was it worth it?

She smiled. She remembered her time with James very well; it was undeniably worth... anything.

But the truth was that, if she gave in, there would be no turning back. They were going to hit it off right away… what then? They worked together, for goodness' sake! And they worked too well together to risk it…

Of course, her life would be much easier if they got back together. They'd argue less, for one. And –

Suddenly, Lily realised she was actually seriously considering reconciliation. No, no, no! She couldn't! She wouldn't let him use her like that again! This was too abrupt! Where had all these thoughts come from, this quickly? Had she been mulling over this subconsciously for a while?

Oh, that was likely. James had a way of messing with her mind… Was this why she kept putting off Alain?

Lily groaned. Yes, exactly. The thought of sleeping with Alain was repulsive now that she'd started fantasising about James. Oh, Merlin…

She tried to remind herself that James flirted with any cute girl who crossed his path; it was an instinct, as natural as breathing. He had just done it to see her reaction; he didn't have any real interest in her… Or did he?

Trying to figure out the inner workings of James Potter's mind was a rather time-consuming, tiring exercise, and Lily wasn't up for it right now. She needed some rest, and then she'd be able to get back to her work. No more thinking of him tonight; distractions were the last thing she needed. There was too much to be done…

Her mind wandered once more, and she found herself reviewing what he'd written in that note: 'I take it you're too busy to indulge in said diversions, then, Miss Evans. It's a pity.'

Too busy? Apparently not. She was always too busy for Alain, but never for James…

Right then, her boyfriend entered her office without knocking.

Lily looked up at him. Oh, this relationship wouldn't last much longer; the very sight of him already exasperated her now…

"Yes?"

"I'm eating peanut butter sandwiches. Do you want some?"

She shook her head, irritated. She was allergic to peanut butter; didn't Alain know that? "I'm tired, so I'm going to bed now."

He opened his mouth to suggest –

"I kind of have a headache, actually," she hurried to add.

'The lamest euphemism for "I don't want to sleep with you". Merlin, why am I with this guy again?'

"Good night, Alain."

"Good night, dear. Sweet dreams."

.................................................

And when I go to sleep at night, I'll thank you for each blessed thing surrounding me

For every fall I'll ever break, each moment's breath I wanna taste

Confidence and conscience, decadent extravagance, never-ending providence

For loving when I had the chance…

The Corrs, "Angel"

.................................................

5. Don't even think about it

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 5

"Don't even think about it"

.................................................

You're only just a dreamboat sailing in my head

You swim my secret oceans of coral blue and red

Your smell is incense burning; your touch is silk and yet

It reaches through my skin, moving from within, it clutches at my breast

But it's only when I sleep…

The Corrs, "Only When I Sleep"

.................................................

Lily jolted awake, sat up, and glanced at the alarm clock. One-thirty in the morning. She could hear its soft ticking, and Alain's breathing beside her. Slowly, the peaceful surroundings calmed her.

'It was only a dream… Only a dream… only a dream,' her agitated mind kept trying to remind her.

Yes, it had only been a dream – but what a dream! She still vividly remembered every move, every sensation – the touch of his hands, the husky tone of his voice, his frantic kisses…

It had been a mixture of memories and some of her most secret fantasies. She and James had been working – a normal day. All of a sudden, he'd swept her off her feet. They had slept together right there, in the office… No questions asked. They both knew they wanted it – the tension had been mounting for a while, and it was released right then.

Oh, it had been great – so great that Lily found herself wondering if she wasn't exaggerating James' skills. He couldn't be that much better than everyone else, could he? But then again, he did know her pretty well; it was as if their bodies fit perfectly together… All in all, she was pretty sure that the dream had been realistic.

"Oh, Merlin," she groaned.

Lily already knew that she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about that ruddy dream whenever she was around James. Great – just great. As if she didn't have enough to worry about… Now she had to keep her mind in check; it wouldn't take James long to guess that she was thinking about him that way again if he caught her staring or daydreaming.

What if he continued flirting with her? It was actually likely that she'd end up giving in to his advances… Well, life at the office would certainly either improve or worsen drastically now.

'Wouldn't it be funny,' whispered a small voice inside Lily's head, 'if James weren't attracted to you at all? What if it's just your imagination?'

Lily frowned. Well, that was always a possibility – unlikely, yes, but possible nevertheless.

She stood and went to the bathroom. Her day was starting a little earlier today… There was no way she was going back to sleep. What if she had another dream?

In a sudden impulse, she filled the bathtub, making sure the door was locked. A few choice charms replaced the foam and started creating pretty, scented bubbles. She then soaked in the warm water.

It had been too long since Lily had had this sort of time for herself. She was always in a hurry, under the pressure of some deadline… Now she just wanted to relax, and forget all about the French Minister's visit, her issues with Alain, her even bigger issues with James…

But she wasn't quite able to. Since last night, her intentions were becoming increasingly clear. Lily wanted James, in a way she had never wanted Alain. In a way, she realised suddenly, she'd never wanted anyone else. At least not this much…

She didn't have any feelings for James anymore, she was sure of it. What she desired of him now had absolutely nothing to do with an amorous, holding-hands, New-Year's-First-kiss, muttering-sweet-nothings, dreaming-of-marriage relationship.

She wanted him. Period.

Lily closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. So now here she was, relaxing in a bathtub, daydreaming of him. The scene felt awfully familiar…

Well, this time, she'd keep things under control. Perhaps an occasional snog here and there, or even a brief affair, but that was it. James Potter would be just like all the other guys she'd dated in the past few years.

She wouldn't fall for him again. Ever.

.................................................

I'm working through the daytime, but when it's time to rest

I'm lying in my bed, listening to my breath, falling from the edge…

But it's only when I sleep – I see you in my dreams

You got me spinning round and round, turning upside down

But I only hear you breathe somewhere in my sleep…

The Corrs, "Only When I Sleep"

.................................................

James put his glasses on the table, rubbed his eyes and glanced at the dark, starlit sky.

Good thing he'd remembered bringing those glasses… He would surely have gotten a blinding headache otherwise. He didn't need to wear them every day, but it was advisable to do it when he worked too hard for too long.

Tonight, he'd been at it for several hours. James loved working in the middle of the night, but was well aware that he never really did it properly at home. Therefore, he had recently started going to the office after Julia fell asleep so that his weekends weren't utterly wasted.

He was tired, yes, but he really didn't feel like sleeping. It was a waste of time, and there was much to be done. Jacques Neveu was arriving next Saturday; they had less than a week to secure Godric's Hollow.

It was undoubtedly better to secure one single place well than to apply a fallible security scheme to several different locations, but it wasn't necessarily easier. He and Lily would have to spend days trying to think like Death Eaters, figuring out ways to get around the Aurors' defences.

Meanwhile, they still had several other missions to plan, and the other Aurors in their team still had plenty to do on the field. Lily and James were going to be stuck in the office for the next few days – in fact, they hardly ever managed to do field work anymore, which frustrated both of them to no end.

His watch showed a quarter past four in the morning. Merlin, time really flew. James wouldn't even manage to eat breakfast; there was too much to do, and he wanted to be home before noon (which was probably when Julia would wake up).

Lily would soon be awake… She always got up early, even on weekends – he knew that well by now. They never managed to spend a day without talking to each other, and owls were constant. Speaking of which, he had to send her an owl soon.

He honestly couldn't remember how he'd managed to work without her for so long. It was impossibly hard nowadays for him to create a strategy without discussing it with her; he couldn't contemplate anymore what it would be like to make any everyday decision without all that arguing and nitpicking.

He had to admit that their arguments were fun – it was just their style of brainstorming. They were usually in a much better mood after some healthy yelling, and it helped them come up with a lot of ideas.

The result of this was that he actually missed work during the weekends – which, as Sirius pointed out often, was downright insane.

Well, the truth was that he didn't miss work, really. He took a lot of it home with him every day. James missed Lily. And he so wished he could take her home, too…

If only that boyfriend of hers weren't in the picture… he would certainly have paid her a visit a long time ago. He knew she had an apartment of her own; and, to be honest, he didn't think she'd mind the surprise much.

James reclined in his chair with a smile, imagining the scene. He let himself indulge in that fantasy for a few minutes, thinking… Oh, if only things between them were a bit different…

Lily was probably aware of his attraction for her. And she didn't seem to be trying to push him away. Well… did she really know? Was she waiting for him to make the first move? Would she to try to kill or do something equally unpleasant if he did anything?

'Maybe – just maybe, she feels it, too…'

His grin broadened, and he closed his eyes, seeing Lily in his mind's eye. He remembered her – he remembered them. To think that she was this close to him, within his reach, and that he could have her again if he wanted… Well, it was thrilling, to say the least.

He was so deep in thought that he didn't hear the footsteps coming up the stairs.

.................................................

I know I'm not around each night; I know I always think I'm right

And I can't believe that you might look around

'Cause I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try and try

I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life?

Dido, "I'm No Angel"

.................................................

"I'm going to work, Alain."

"Okay."

"Send me an owl if you need me."

"Uh-huh."

Lily cast one last glance at her boyfriend. He was most certainly asleep, and he probably wouldn't remember what she had just said. But she had done the right thing – she had warned him of where she would be.

It wasn't her fault that he was unable to maintain intelligent conversation at four-thirty in the morning. She had tried telling him she was leaving. Alain just hadn't paid attention.

She went to the kitchen and drank some tea. She felt relaxed, and in a wonderful mood. Nothing would probably dampen it now, but, just in case, she was going to stay as far away from Alain as possible. If anyone, he would certainly manage to ruin her day with all his –

'No.'

Lily didn't want to think of anything unpleasant now. And Alain certainly qualified as an 'unpleasant thing'. Whereas James…

She could honestly say that she hadn't thought of anyone else since waking up. She'd tried working – she'd actually done a lot of work in the last hour and a half –, but she just hadn't concentrated fully. Memories of their time together kept coming back with surprising ease. She had fought so long and so hard to bury them or erase them from her mind … And yet here they were, teasing her, mocking her – "Who did you think you were kidding, Lily? This is what you wanted all along!"

Now she knew – now she was sure of it. Lily had felt this strong physical attraction to James ever since they'd met again, and that was why she'd decided to stay. If Kate Malshirn hadn't showed up, Lily probably would have repented and came back anyway.

She couldn't imagine herself returning to France anymore. Lily knew perfectly well that she would never be able to quit working with James now.

Even if she hadn't felt any attraction to him, she would still want to continue in his team. He was just such a good strategist, they worked so well together… Despite all the yelling – and maybe because of all the yelling –, they managed to come up with several exceptionally clever scenarios.

With a sigh, Lily put on a big coat and stuffed all the pieces of parchment on her desk into a satchel.

Alain would wake up some time soon, and she would have to meet him, talk to him, force herself to kiss him, behave nicely... No! She definitely couldn't stay at home.

Lily would go work at the office today; she had been flirting with the idea for a couple of weeks, and was convinced that it was the best way to get more work done during the weekends.

She Apparated to the elevator hall, the entranceway to the office. Automatically, she tickled the orange and opened the door with her personal key.

The place was deserted and silent. With a smile, Lily noted that it would be strange to work there without anyone around. She and James worked together most of the time, and were interrupted often by their colleagues. Whenever he was out working, Lily always kept the door open; it didn't disturb her much, for the team was small, and didn't make too much noise.

Lily went up the stairs and opened the door to the office. Much to her surprise, the lights were on, and James was at his desk.

So she wasn't going to work alone today…

Strangely enough, the fact didn't bother her at all.

.................................................

Take the time to think about it

Just walk the line – you know you just can't fight it

Take a look around and see what you can't find

Like the fire that's burning up inside me

There's magic running through your soul, but you can't have it all…

Def Leppard, "Two Steps Behind"

.................................................

Lily greeted James with a nonchalant "Hi."

He seemed startled to see her, and it took him a while to regain his wit. "You're acting like it's normal for people to meet at work at four-thirty on a Sunday morning."

Smiling, she observed him more carefully. A shiver ran down her back as she took in his appearance. Not only was he staring at her intensely, in a way that she found quite disconcerting – was he trying to read her mind or something? –, but his clothes were also the same as they had been in her dream. Down to his glasses, which he had never before worn to work. It was actually kind of creepy. And very exciting, of course.

"Well –"

"I know you missed me, sweetheart," James intervened with a sly grin. "We can't spend a day without talking to each other, let alone an entire weekend! I understand, I really do."

She laughed. "Oh, you wish, honey."

His grin broadened, and he motioned for her to sit down at her desk. "I'm actually glad you came. I was about to send you an owl."

"Is anything wrong?"

James shrugged. "Just usual stuff."

Lily sighed. "I couldn't sleep, that's all."

Their gazes locked, and for a few seconds Lily panicked: he knew! He would see it in her eyes; he would know what she'd been thinking about! James had always been able to read her with surprising ease…

Whether or not he noticed anything out of the ordinary, she didn't know. He just smiled boyishly and, with a raised eyebrow, supplied, "Boredom? We both know you work for fun, after all… Was it that – what's his name again? – that French guy you're hiding from me?"

She threw her head back and laughed. "I'm not –"

"You so are. What's his name?"

Lily shook her head stubbornly, but soon admitted her defeat. James was right, after all. "Alain."

"Was Alain boring you? Yesterday you complained he kept interrupting your work…"

"He wouldn't wake up this early if his life depended on it. No… I just wanted to – I've been thinking about coming here during the weekends for a while."

James stretched his arms, not taking his eyes off her. "Well, now you know. I come here every weekend."

She nodded slightly. "Yes, now I know."

"Are you going to come as well from now on?"

Lily smiled and didn't answer.

"All right then. Just in case you do –"

"If I do come," she interrupted him, "it will certainly spare Kayk and Myrie several long trips to Paris. I'm sure they’ll know where to find me."

It was only then that it really hit Lily: they were alone. Like, really alone. There was probably no one on Earth who knew where either of them was. No one would interrupt them – not a chance. She bit her lip.

The corners of his mouth twitched, and Lily wondered why he was fighting back a smile so resolutely. "If we meet – well, I guess it'll just be a nice coincidence, then," James stated, and grinned at last. "Arguing with you face to face is much more enjoyable… I don't have to imagine the look on your face while reading your replies."

Lily had the distinct feeling that that wasn't what he'd meant to say, but she preferred not to think about it much now.

.................................................

Deep in Denial Ville, trying to fight the way I feel

I go jello every smile – I start blushing, my head rushing

If you stand too close to me, I might melt down from the heat

If you look my way one more time, I'm gonna go out of my mind

Whatever you do, don't even think about it – don't go and get me started

Don't you dare drive me crazy – don't do that to me, baby…

Shania Twain, "Whatever You Do! Don't!"

.................................................

'Work!' Lily commanded herself sternly. 'Work, work, work…'

She had to stop thinking about James – she just had to get him out of her mind somehow, at least for now. They were going to work together every single day, for goodness' sake!

"I guess we'd better start working, then," she said, standing and absent-mindedly grabbing all the pieces of parchment she'd been working on that morning. "I've already done a few things concerning Godric's Hollow, and I wanted to know what you thought."

Lily pointed her wand at the wall, and a blank screen immediately appeared. She then enlarged a few pieces of parchment and hung them there with a few more swishes of her wand.

James recognised the blueprints of the house in Godric's Hollow at once, and realised that those were the first drafts of the house security scheme. Oh, of course they'd still spend almost a whole week working on it, but this was a start. An excellent start.

She started explaining her ideas, and James often intervened with suggestions, which she either rebuffed vehemently or wrote down for further examination on a small scrap of parchment.

That little piece of parchment sparked James' curiosity for some reason, and he moved closer to examine it. He was right behind her now, watching with interest as she wrote the gist of his ideas, along with her preliminary line of reasoning against each one.

It didn't take him too long to get distracted. After a few minutes, he wasn't paying as much attention to her exposé as he should have been… In fact, he was paying no attention at all. How could he? He was so close to her he could actually feel his warm breath on her neck and shoulders…

This distant proximity was killing him. It took every ounce of self-control he'd ever possessed to keep him from biting her neck, running his hands over that pearly-white skin, and –

'Oh, stop, stop, stop… You're not listening to a word she's saying!'

It was a good thing that James wasn't paying much attention to her, because Lily was slowly starting to lose the capability of uttering logical analysis with that professionalism of which she'd always been so proud.

James was much too distracting – why was he so close to her? And if he really did want her, why didn't he just make a move right then? Couldn't he see that she wanted him, too? Couldn't he notice he was all she could think about?

All she knew was that he had to do something – anything… He was driving her crazy.

.................................................

Under the lover sky, gonna be with you, and no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall, well, just wait until the sun goes down

Underneath the starlight, there's a magical feeling so right it'll steal your hide tonight

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know that you can't fight the moonlight?

LeAnn Rimes, "Can't Fight The Moonlight"

.................................................

Lily gradually stopped talking, and focused instead on trying to maintain steady breathing. She could feel James' heavy breathing behind her, and she could almost hear his heart beating faster… She could feel his hesitation –

Hesitation? What hesitation? James Potter didn't hesitate, he never did… He took chances, he loved the thrill of risking exposure, voluntarily putting himself in that vulnerable yet incredibly strengthened position…

And then she realised: if he really did want her – she hardly doubted it now –, he wanted her badly. And it scared him. She almost laughed out loud. James was scared of the power she had over him…

"Lily," he began hoarsely.

She closed her eyes and savoured for a few seconds that wonderful feeling. Yes, he wanted her. Yes, he would do anything to have her now. She'd done it – unconsciously, of course –, but she'd actually encouraged him up to this point.

James had been thinking about her when she'd arrived. He'd been thinking about her all this time, and she hadn't noticed. This could've happened so much sooner…

'This what, Lily Evans? What is 'this'? How far exactly are you willing to go today?'

Instinctively, she knew the answer to that question – a certainty beyond words, beyond reasoning and in fact against her better judgement:

'As far as he wants me to.'

.................................................

If there's no tomorrow, and all we have is here and now

I'm happy just to have you – you're all the love I need somehow

It's like a dream, although I'm not asleep

And I never want to wake up – don't lose it, don't leave it

So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me, till I can't deny this loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss – go on, go on, yeah, come on…

The Corrs, "Breathless"

.................................................

James pulled her closer, and every muscle in her body tensed against his. She could feel him, already hard against her thigh. Inattentively, she pondered that he wouldn't be very patient today – but, in truth, she didn't need him to be.

His presence, his breathing, his voice, and his touch were already arousing her more than any other man's could have – she needed him now, like she had so many times before; she'd been yearning for him for six years… But now he was there, now he wanted her…

He stroked her thigh and waist over her clothes, sending shivers down her spine. Before she knew it, his hand had already found its way under her shirt, and the direct contact of his skin on hers made her moan and press her body against his even more. She couldn't fight it anymore – she didn't want to…

James expertly started caressing her breasts, squeezing them lightly, and the thin fabric of her bra didn't stop the warmth of his touch from getting to her skin. Lily closed her eyes and felt herself melt as he kissed her neck teasingly slowly, licking his way to her jaw and muttering something incomprehensible in her ear.

She then remembered that he knew her – he still knew what she liked, and how she liked it… And he was determined to do whatever it took to get her now, so… Oh, this was too much…

One of James' hands unbuttoned her shirt blindly, and the other turned her around. He stared at her for a few seconds, and she waited, breathing quickly. She could sense that he was holding back – a part of him still thought this was wrong somehow… But it wasn't, she knew it through and through now.

This felt right – this was right.

.................................................

You stop me in my tracks, my heart pumping to the max (…)

You got my heart under attack; you give me shivers down my back

Do you have to walk the way you do? I get weak just watching you…

Whatever you do, don't even think about it, don't go and get me started

Don't you dare drive me crazy…

Shania Twain, "Whatever You Do! Don't!"

.................................................

He backed off abruptly, taking a couple of steps back. Absurd tears of anger came to her eyes. So he didn't want her enough to overcome his stupid –

"You're – you're driving me crazy," he muttered, looking into her eyes – those gorgeous green eyes he knew so well were now glinting intensely, darker with want. She was angry at him for toying with her like this… He looked away, confused and uncomfortable. "I don't – I can't – you –"

When she spoke at last, the cold fury in her voice almost made him wince. "What the hell are you doing, James?"

He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He might have succeeded, and his self-control training would have kicked in, if Lily hadn't been there, right in front of him, wearing that sheer black bra he was dying to remove… And she actually wanted him to do it…

"I – I'm just trying to do the bloody right thing," he spat, furious at himself for saying this, hating the fact that every cell in his body was ordering him to forget all about 'the right thing' and continue…

Lily's breathing had slowly stabilized, and her brain was starting to work. She fiercely swallowed that annoying lump in her throat – 'It just isn't going to happen today, period! Not a chance, not anymore!'

"Merlin, Lil, I –"

Lily shut him up with a look and started slowly buttoning her shirt. She was composed now, and, after a few seconds, felt detached enough to ask, "Is it Julia?"

James almost laughed. Julia? She had quite possibly been the very last thought on his mind! "Of course not."

She sighed. Of course not… Julia meant nothing to him – she should've known. James couldn't possibly have seriously considered being attached to a girl who had so little to do with him.

So the problem was them, their history, their so-called feelings for each other…

"It's us, isn't it?"

He nodded. "I'm just – I'm not sure we'll be able to –"

"I know."

Their work together was too valuable; they just couldn't risk another messy break-up… Plus, Lily and James wouldn't be able to work around each other normally after having sex. They'd keep coming back for more, and they both knew it.

She looked up at him, resigned, and their eyes met.

"I can't stop thinking about you," he confessed with a grimace. "In a way that I'm really not supposed to anymore."

Lily flashed him a knowing grin. "It sucks, doesn't it?"

He laughed, and she soon joined him.

"I can't believe this," she breathed out at last.

"Well, our little façade lasted for about a month… We tried pretty hard."

"We did," Lily agreed with a smile. "It's just useless. So – what are we going to do now?"

He made a face, and stared longingly at her half-unbuttoned shirt.

She gave a hearty laugh, throwing the bulge in his pants an amused glance. "Work, right?"

"Yeah… I guess so. I'll just – you know –" he motioned to the bathroom, and she nodded.

After a few seconds, she heard the cold water splashing. It didn't take James too long to exit the shower, and return, or so it seemed to her.

Rubbing his wet hair with a towel, he eyed her strangely when he saw that she was still standing in the same position.

"You've been staring at the wall ever since I left? You didn't get any work done?"

Lily scowled, mockingly offended. But it was highly uncharacteristic behaviour, and they both knew it. Oh, well… Nothing was very normal today.

James shrugged and opened the office door.

"Let's go have some breakfast," he suggested. "We'll work later."

.................................................

6. What's Love?

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 6

"What's Love?"

.................................................

And I can't stop thinking about the way things used to be

And I can't stop thinking about the love that you made to me

And I can't get you out of my head…

How in the world would I begin to let you walk right out my life?

(…) I can't stop thinking about the way my life would be

No, I can't stop thinking about it…

Toni Braxton, "Breathe Again"

.................................................

"Do you ever think of what would have happened if – if we hadn't broken up?"

Lily looked at James, startled.

He was staring at his cup of tea, and seemed thoughtful. The question certainly hadn't been asked lightly.

"Well, sometimes," she replied guardedly. "Not as much these days anymore, of course. But I used to think about it a lot… in the beginning, you know."

"Do you think we would've broken up eventually?"

Lily blinked for a few times. He still hadn't met her eyes. Why was he asking all these questions? What was his goal? Oh, she hated it when she couldn't identify James' trail of thought! She kept trying to guess what was coming, but none of the possibilities that had immediately popped up seemed likely.

Lily nibbled absent-mindedly on some toast, fully aware that James would interpret her silence correctly. "I don't know," she said after a while. "Maybe not – probably not. By now, I would probably be stuck running after a little mischievous Marauder most of the time, waiting for you to come home from work so that I could serve dinner."

He looked up at last, and smiled. "Do you really think so? What makes you think you wouldn't continue working if we got married?"

Lily bit her lower lip. She didn't like admitting this, not even to herself, but there was no other way now. "You're the only one for whom I would have done it," she replied at last. "If you'd asked it of me – back when I was young, foolish and in love with you –, I would have given up my dreams."

James' eyes bore into hers sharply. How had their conversation suddenly become so serious? And since when did they discuss their relationship this openly? They hadn't even mentioned it since her return…

"I didn't," he answered. "Exactly because I knew that. We were very… foolish, I guess. But I really did love you."

Unconsciously, Lily held her breath.

Where was he going? Why was he saying this? What was he going to say now? Why was he acting so strangely introspective? Why did he want to discuss their relationship now? Why was he talking about these feelings when clearly all there was between them now was physical attraction?

With horror, she began to understand what was happening. No… No, it couldn't be that, could it? Was James still –

No, she couldn't deal with this all over again – she couldn't get involved with James for real… But then again, if he really wanted her, he would have her. They both knew that well by now.

What Lily didn't know was if James was trying just to find out whether she still had feelings for him, or if his intention was to let her know something else – something far more complicated than their present situation…

Was James still in love with her?

"More tea?"

.................................................

Elle était ma dame, elle était ma came, elle était ma vitamine

Elle était ma drogue, ma dope, ma coke, mon crack, mon amphétamine...

Je repense à elle, femme actuelle, vingt ans, jeune et jolie

Remets donc le film à l'envers, magnéto de la vie

Pour elle, faut-il l'admettre, des larmes ont coulé, hémorragie oculaire

Vive notre amitié, du passé, du présent, je l'espère, du futur

Je suis passé pour être présent dans ton futur...

MC Solaar, "Caroline"

.................................................

Surprised, they turned to the elderly lady standing beside their table. Lily and James had completely forgotten where they were. All right, it was barely six o'clock in the morning, and there were very few people in the cosy café, but it was still a public place. They could easily have been overheard.

It took James a few seconds to come to his senses. "No, thank you."

The lady eyed them suspiciously. What kind of person drank just one cup of tea at this time of the day?

Anxious to hear what James had to say, Lily just smiled civilly at the lady. "Thank you. We'll call you later if we want any more."

She nodded, and left.

"You were saying…"

James shrugged. "I'm done. Nothing more to say."

"It's my turn, then?"

"Yes," he replied, watching her with obvious interest.

'Ah-ha!' she thought with relief. 'So that's what this is all about.'

"It took me a while to get over you, James," she stated soberly. "But I succeeded. I got you out of my mind and my heart. What happened today… – I don't know. It doesn't feel the same. It's not, er… unique. It's intense, yes, and overwhelming at times, but… Merlin, it has nothing to do with – with what I felt before."

He nodded slowly. "I don't love you anymore, and I don't think I'll ever fall for you like that again – for anyone, really. I think we've both learned that lesson well."

"Definitely."

"But I – you're very, very attractive, and I just… can't help myself," he hesitated and smiled uneasily. "I'm not used to being this forthright about this sort of thing. It's strange."

She chuckled. "I think we know each other well enough to justify this frankness, don't you?"

"I suppose so."

They were silent for a few seconds. Lily was painfully aware of their closeness; their thighs were almost touching. A part of her wished James would just take her right there and then… At least that would end her confusion. She hated feeling this way, she hated being so weak, so utterly helpless… But he wouldn't do it, and she knew why.

Had she made a fool of herself back at the office? Why didn't she feel bad about being rejected? Normally, it would have upset her immensely. But what had happened had been almost… expected. Natural, in some strange way.

"Ever since you came back," he muttered all of a sudden, "I've been – ah, Lil… I remember…"

She grinned. "It's impossible not to remember. But the thing is," she said softly, "There's nothing we can do about it. We can't risk it."

"Of course. But that doesn't mean – oh, come on, Lil. Stop stalling. You wanted it from day one. And that's why you chose to work here."

"No!" she protested, mockingly offended. "Of course not!"

"Why, then? Please don't give me any rubbish about Dumbledore and the Order. You didn't care enough about them to stay in first place."

She smiled and seemed thoughtful for a few seconds. James was right – as usual –, but she couldn't tell him that. So what could she say? It would be hard to come up with a plausible excuse, considering he was observing her attentively. He would notice if she lied, he always did…

"Why did you decide to stay after all? You didn't stay despite me. You complain about it non-stop, but the truth is you don't hate working with me as much as you say you do."

Lily laughed. "To be honest, James, I love working with you. I have met very few people who have opposed me this much, and even fewer whom I know well enough to profit from it. Obviously, that doesn't mean you don't annoy me sometimes."

"Obviously."

"And I don't have to pretend you're not cute just because you irritate me most of the time. I – oh, whatever."

James' eyes twinkled, and he threw her an amused look. "I think –"

"Lily?" a voice behind them called loudly. "Lily Evans, is that you?"

It was highly unlikely to meet someone at a café shortly before dawn on a Sunday morning, especially considering that Lily had spent a long time away from London and hadn't had much of a social life since her return.

But Lily knew that voice. She would never have mistaken it – not in a thousand years. It was interesting, to say the least, to find him now, after what had happened with James.

Lily had stopped believing in coincidences a long time ago.

.................................................

If you see me with a man, understand that you can't question me

The feelings that you call ain't my fault – can't help your jealousy

If you can handle the fact that what we have has to be commitment-free

Then we can keep this undercover loving coming, hitting underneath the sheets…

Christina Aguilera, "Get Mine Get Yours"

.................................................

Lily turned to look at Benjamin. Yes, there he was, standing by the door, staring at her… still drop-dead gorgeous, impossibly charming, and nicely aloof. There was something different about him, but Lily couldn't quite place it.

Ben had been her first infatuation since the break-up with James. Their relationship had only lasted two months, mostly because its intensity had freaked Lily out – she knew very well that things never turned out all right when the beginning of the relationship felt that overpowering.

Lily had dumped Ben before things had gotten too serious, and she didn't regret it. They had met a few times since then; it had always felt natural to have a date, followed by a friendly shag. Was this going to happen today, too? Her attraction to James didn't stop her from noticing Ben's good looks. The prospect of spending the night with him was not at all unpleasant, especially considering the fact that she couldn't have the one she really wanted.

She stood and smiled warmly. He approached her with an uncomfortable grin, his grey eyes darting towards James every few seconds. His eyes… yes, his eyes had changed. Some of the coldness that had attracted her in first place was gone. Maybe he'd fallen in love again…

Lily wished she could say that Ben's presence had made her forget James', but it was not so. She was very much aware of his questioning glances, even though he was now behind her. He soon resigned himself to observe the interaction between Lily and the newcomer instead of waiting for her answer.

When they were close enough, Ben leaned to kiss her cheek, but, as usual, she offered him her mouth. So far, so good. Everything seemed the same. James' being there wouldn't disturb her in the least.

Ben tucked some strands of hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek affectionately, gazing into her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice concerned and sober.

James felt an irrationally strong surge of jealousy. How dare someone achieve this level of intimacy with Lily, his Lily? How did this guy know her?

"Everything's okay," she replied after a brief hesitation. "How about you?"

"Missed you," he said in a muffled voice, kissing her forehead. "It's been too long."

"It has."

The familiar urge of letting herself go, seeking his embrace, and crying all her problems away was almost too much to bear, but Lily fought it tooth and nail.

She'd learned her lesson well. Ben was gentle and loving enough – but he'd certainly break her heart if she let him in too far. She had to keep her tough façade around him, too… She couldn't let anyone know how weak she really was.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, glancing at James once more.

She tossed her hair slightly and looked at James with a smirk. The expression on his face was carefully neutral, but Lily knew better than to ignore the hostile vibes he was sending Ben's way.

"This is James Potter. We work together – I'm an Auror here now. James, this is Benjamin Fenwick."

Lily's infamous ex-boyfriend's name obviously struck a chord, but Ben said nothing. The absence of details on the newcomer irritated James more than he let on – did Lily want this guy to think she'd already talked about him?

They shook hands in silence.

Ben turned to Lily. "Do you want to have dinner with me sometime, now that you're here in Britain?"

She looked pensive, and frowned. "This will be a remarkably busy week. I think… yeah, it's either next Sunday or… well, tonight."

He grinned. "We can meet at eight at the usual place. How's that?"

"Great."

"I should go, then," he said, and pecked her lightly on the lips. "See you tonight, baby."

"See you."

Benjamin didn't bother saying goodbye to James.

He probably wouldn't have answered.

.................................................

I know you've got issues – you've got a man

But you need to understand that you've got something with you

Ass is fat, frame is little, tattoo on your chest with his name in the middle

I'm not a hater, I just crush a lot; the way you shake your booty

I don't want you to stop; you need to come a little closer (…)

What's love got to do with it, babe?

Fat Joe, Ja Rule & Ashanti, "What's Love?"

.................................................

Lily sat and looked at James, waiting for him to start asking questions. He was usually very overprotective of his things… Even though she wasn't officially his, she knew that his possessiveness applied to her as much as it did to Julia.

"So," he said, visibly trying to appear nonchalant, "who is he?"

"He works in Law Enforcement."

James threw her a particularly nasty look, and she laughed.

"Oh, Merlin. All right. I went out with him for a couple of months several years ago, and I meet him every now and then. It's nothing serious."

"He –" James began, but was apparently having some trouble choosing the correct words. "He seems to know you pretty well."

"He does," she replied coolly.

"So – you're dining with him tonight."

"Yes."

"What about… Alain, is it?"

She grinned. "Oh, please."

James raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"I'm just not the marrying type. I don't see the point in being faithful to a guy when the relationship is obviously not going anywhere."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted him.

"And don't you dare lecture me on commitment. I know you better than that. You most certainly have your affairs here and there, too – I'm willing to bet my job on it."

James threw his hands up defensively. "I wasn't going to lecture you!"

Lily smiled. "Okay then."

"I pity the poor schmuck, that's all."

"Which of them?"

He laughed. "Alain. I guess Ben already knows you better than to expect you to commit."

"He does."

"Well, whatever," said James after a few seconds of silence. "Oh, look at the time… We should go back to the office. We still have a lot of work to do."

She shook her head, and for a moment seemed troubled. "No, I need to go to Leylann's."

James blinked a few times, frowning, and then stood. "Okay. I'll be right back."

Lily watched him walk away, dazed. James' irrational behaviour didn't bother her at all – in truth, she felt oddly proud of it. That was undoubtedly part of some reminiscent teenager reasoning: mighty, handsome, and popular James Potter liked her, was jealous of her, wanted her!

She shook her head, annoyed. Well, yeah, he wanted her – he had for a long time now. Of course that was great, awesome and all that, but the problem was that she wanted him back with the same intensity. And that was bound to cause a lot of trouble.

James paid the bill and returned to the table.

"We should get going."

"Yeah."

She stood and faced him hesitantly. Suddenly, James leaned closer. At first she thought he was going to kiss her on the mouth; he didn't. His hand encircled her waist, warming her and making her feel all tingly.

James bit her earlobe lightly, and kissed her neck. She closed her eyes.

"Have fun tonight," he muttered, terribly close to her ear. "Just… Come back to me tomorrow, okay?"

"Always," she whispered despite herself, knowing fully well that letting him know that made her even more vulnerable.

Lily just didn't care all that much anymore.

James smiled. "Until tomorrow, then."

"Yes."

Without another word, he turned and left. Lily stared longingly after him.

Yes, she definitely needed to talk to Leylann.

.................................................

We are taking it easy, bright and breezy, yeah

We are living it up, just fine and dandy, yeah

And it really doesn't matter that we don't eat

And it really doesn't matter if we never sleep

No, it really doesn't matter, really doesn't matter at all…

'Cause we are so young now, we are so young, so young now

And when tomorrow comes, we can do it all again…

The Corrs, "So Young"

.................................................

Leylann loved the way Sirius' eyes sparkled with joy most of the time. Evidently, she'd already seen him angry on several occasions – that wasn't an easy sight to forget. But he laughed a lot, and liked having fun. He was a nice friend.

Of course, he and Leylann were friends with benefits. But in the end, despite everything else, that's what they really were: friends.

Leylann knew she could always count on him. She meant more to Sirius than any of his girls. She had already called him countless times in the middle of the night, when she felt especially depressed, in need of comfort. Well, all right, sometimes he wasn't available. But he was helpful whenever he was around… Their relationship wasn't just shagging. It meant something to both of them.

That didn't mean she loved him, either. Leylann had already fallen in and out of love with many guys in the past few years. Her feelings for Sirius were something different altogether. She couldn't quite place them, but they were somewhere between friendship and lust – perhaps closer to the latter.

Even though Leylann and Sirius were close, they ended up in bed together most of the times they met. It was just… normal. They'd known each other for many years, but she still lacked the ability – or willpower, for that matter – to say no to him.

Would she ever learn?

The bathroom door opened and Leylann looked him over. He had a towel around his waist, and his wet hair was uncharacteristically messy.

She stretched lazily and reclined on her pillows. He eyed her with a sly, unmistakeable grin, and she laughed. She didn't really have the energy to do much else right now.

"Any idea where my boxers are?" he asked, looking around.

Leylann shook her head.

Sirius searched in the bedroom and then walked to the bed. After looking under it – nothing there but dust –, he smiled down at Leylann, whose eyes were now closed.

"You really have no idea?" he asked softly.

Her eyes snapped open, and she jolted awake. Sirius chuckled, and she frowned. Yeah, Sirius could definitely be annoying at times.

"Check the hallway, the bathroom, the kitchen… I really don't remember!"

"Okay."

Leylann blinked slowly, falling asleep again. It took her a few seconds to realise she was almost dozing.

"Sirius?" she asked with puppy-dog, languid eyes. "I need to have a shower. Can you carry me there?"

He laughed. "You're that lazy?"

"Uh-huh," she replied, helplessly stretching her arms to him.

Smiling, he picked her up and took her to the bathroom. Sirius turned on the douche and undressed her – it wasn't hard to remove her tiny nightgown single-handedly.

When he was about to put her on the floor, she clutched his neck more tightly and snuggled closer.

"Leylann," he called gently. "Baby, wake up. Come on."

She sighed and made a few slurred sounds.

Sirius shook his head. Once Leylann fell asleep, very few things could wake her up for good; a warm shower was not necessarily one of them. He eyed the running water thoughtfully.

For once, he decided to do the charitable thing.

Leylann had to have a shower, and she was obviously too tired to do anything about it. So Sirius would have to do it for her.

He just hoped she wouldn't freak out later, since he had no idea of the order in which all those hair products had to be used…

Hm… 'Huîle pour le corps'? That looked like it was supposed to be the first one.

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

I've got more than a girl could wish for

I live my dreams, but it's not all they say (…)

I've often wondered if love's an illusion

Just to get you through the loneliest days

I can't criticise it – I have no hesitation

My imagination just stole me away…

The Corrs, "All The Love In The World"

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

Where on earth were those damned boxers?

Leylann was now cosily lying on her bed, and Sirius was busy looking for his underwear. Normally, he wouldn't have minded leaving them at Leylann's – he did that all the time –, but she'd told him that she was bringing her boyfriend to sleep over tonight, so Sirius couldn't leave any traces of his presence there.

He was so used to their arrangement that he didn't even notice the strangeness of that fact anymore. So what if Leylann was seeing another guy? She was habitually very faithful to her boyfriends – Sirius was the only exception. Naturally, she never told them that.

Nope, the boxers weren't in the hallway, either. Sirius had already checked the bathroom twice. His robes were still in Leylann's room; he hadn't bothered putting them on – there was certainly no one else in the house.

Forgetting about the boxers was a very appealing course of action, but he knew better – with his luck, the damned things were in an incredibly visible place, and Leylann's flavour of the week would notice them shortly after entering. Which reminded him – he still hadn't looked in the living room!

Yes… Now he remembered vividly...

The moment Sirius entered the room, he knew he'd made a mistake. Yes, the boxers were there – he could see them under a chair not too far away.

But he shouldn't have been walking around naked. He and Leylann weren't the only ones in the house.

Lily was there, too, standing in the middle of the living room, having apparently just arrived. After staring, shocked, for a few seconds, she grimaced, and turned around.

"I'm sorry," she hurried to say. "I shouldn't have –"

"I'm sorry," he intervened, grabbing his boxers quickly and slipping into them. "You can look now. But why the scowl? You've already seen –"

"I didn't – expect it, that's all," she said, slowly turning to face him. "Is Leylann here?"

"She's sleeping."

Lily frowned.

"Is something wrong?"

She shook her head. "No problem, I'll just wait for her to get up."

Sirius eyed her strangely. "All right then. Bye, Lil."

He hugged her and went to Leylann's room. After a few seconds, a loud popping noise indicated that he had gone. Lily lay on the comfy navy blue couch, and waited.

The green lounge had several orange lamps that clashed with the rest; the outcome was surprisingly pleasant. The walls were decorated with a few choice modern paintings that added even more colour to the room.

All in all, Leylann's décor clashed with Lily's in almost every aspect. It had been hard to find equilibrium while they'd lived together. Uncharacteristically, Lily had conceded to keep her influence on the decoration limited to her private quarters.

Lily's suite, which had glass and light marble furniture, soft lamps and pastel tones, had been the only place in the house signalling her presence. Out of nostalgia, or perhaps laziness, Leylann had changed very little in that room; it had become a guest bedroom since Lily's departure.

Looking at an especially vivid red painting, Lily scowled. She clearly remembered having endless arguments with Leylann about that one; in her opinion, it really ruined the careful colour equilibrium. It was just… too much. But, of course, Leylann didn't agree. The painting had returned to the living room wall shortly after Lily's departure.

Lily shook her head with a smile. They argued often… But they were best friends, no doubt about it. She usually took Leylann's advice very seriously, which was why she was here today.

Slowly, Lily calmed down. In truth, she already knew what Leylann was going to say, but she really needed to hear it from someone else.

Of course Lily was going to give in to James some time soon. Of course it wouldn't mean anything. Of course her attraction to James wouldn't lead to her falling in love with him again. Of course.

She just needed to be assured of it by someone who was free of her own biased reasoning.

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

7. Bridges of stone

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 7

"Bridges of Stone"

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

They say you're something I should do without

They don't know what goes on when the lights go out

There's no way to explain – all the pleasure is worth all the pain

Loving you isn't really something I should do

Shouldn't want to spend my time with you, and I should try to be strong

But, baby, you're the right kind of wrong…

LeAnn Rimes, "Right Kind of Wrong"

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

Distant footsteps in the hallway woke Lily well after noon. It took her a few moments to remember where she was. Okay… she was at Leylann's house. And what exactly was she doing there? Suddenly, it hit her: James.

He was the reason for her presence. He was the one who had caused her mind to be this confused… As usual.

Oh, Merlin… What had she done? Just last night, her life had been a lot less complicated. All right, she had been attracted to him, but now she knew that he wanted her, too… Oh, no. What a mess.

James was really the only man who'd ever managed to unbalance Lily like this, and it annoyed her to no end.

"Li – Li – Lily?" Leylann called, yawning.

She sat up and looked at her best friend. Leylann looked positively sleepy: her short black hair was messy and she was rubbing her eyes. Lily smiled.

Leylann stared at Lily for a few seconds. Her facial expression had become alert, and alarmed.

"Oh no," she groaned. "Oh no, Lil, what have you done?"

Lily blinked innocently. "What?"

Her phoney naïveté caused Leylann to roll her eyes. "You have that look – the look on Sirius' face after he screws up, or plays a prank on someone. What have you done? Spill it."

"I – I –"

Leylann kept staring at Lily, waiting.

"I want him… oh, Leylann, I want him so badly!" Lily moaned at last, burying her face in her hands. "And I can't have him, and I have a date with Ben… But I don't even care…"

"Ben? You met Ben?"

"Yeah."

"How is he?"

Lily grinned. "He's great."

"And you're going on a date with him?"

"Yes. Partly to annoy James, of course."

"James? What does James have to do with anything?"

"He – oh, Merlin, we –"

Leylann stared at Lily. "You –"

"No… We didn't even kiss, but…"

"Lil, please, just tell me you didn't –"

"We did nothing, okay? We just fooled around a little, nothing serious. But the truth is I do want him, more than anything."

Leylann rubbed her temple with a pained facial expression. "When did this happen? How did it happen?"

"We were just… alone," Lily explained lamely.

"You guys work alone every single day."

"It was different – we both wanted it this time… He's irresistible, Leylann. A force of nature. I can't control him, and I sure as hell can't control myself when I'm near him."

"Okay, where did this come from? I'd really hoped you'd be able to resist him this time… Lily, he's Julia's boyfriend. Remember Julia? That innocent, gullible friend of yours?"

Lily sighed. "I know… And he might even like her – I don't think so, but I'm not sure. I just know that it's me he wants."

"And you want him, too. Despite everything."

She nodded.

"All right, let me get this straight: you spent six years trying to get over this guy –"

"I did get over him!"

"Right. And now, at the first opportunity, you are completely willing to give it all up and get back together with him?"

"I don't want to get back together with him…" Lily protested feebly.

Leylann raised an eyebrow. "Oh, sure."

"Really! We just want to have some fun, that's all… I'm not in love with him anymore; it's just lust, I swear."

Leylann sighed and sat beside Lily. "You sound like you're trying to convince yourself, Lil, not me."

"No, I –"

"Listen," Leylann intervened soberly. "You know perfectly well what you're getting into. I won't tell you not to get it on with him. I'm just – Merlin, Lil, do you remember what happened last time? Do you really want to go down that road?"

"It's not the same thing… It doesn't feel the same."

"It's just physical attraction?" Leylann asked, looking into Lily's eyes gravely. "Are you sure?"

Suddenly, Lily realised that her break-up with James had traumatized Leylann almost as much as it had her. Lily's depression and utter misery weren't easy to forget… But things would be different this time. She didn't love him anymore – she was certain of it.

"Positive," she answered without hesitation.

Leylann was silent, and then cracked a smile. "Do you reckon James and Sirius’ll want to start planning those crazy –"

Lily laughed, remembering those times all too well. "It's likely."

"Well, then please hurry up," joked Leylann, grinning broadly. "We're missing out on a lot."

"I'll do my best," Lily replied, her eyes twinkling naughtily. "He won't even know what hit him."

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

We don't need romance – we only wanna dance

We're gonna let our hair hang down…

The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little party

Oh, go totally crazy, forget I'm a lady – men's shirts, short skirts

Oh, really go wild, yeah, doing it in style

Oh, get in the action, feel the attraction…

Shania Twain, "Man! I feel like a woman!"

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

Oh, if only Alain weren't so clingy! His endless talk of 'spending time with her' was so desperately boring! Couldn't he see that she needed some space? He didn't even live with her, why did he insist on being at her place all the time?

Deep inside, Lily knew she wasn't being very reasonable. Well, screw reasonable! What did she care if Alain loved her? It sure as hell wasn't her fault! In fact, right now, there was nothing she wanted less than to be with him!

Alain was the reason that she was at the office now. Lily had told him she would spend the evening working there (how could he possibly be so naïve?)… She was now getting ready for her date with Ben. She had just had a shower, and was trying to decide what to wear.

Lily was normally not a very indecisive person, but choosing an outfit for a date with Ben was always hard. She had brought an assortment of dresses, shoes, and jewelery.

The truth was that she couldn't decide how she wanted to look: warmly casual, aloofly elegant, utterly sexy… Lily shook her head. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Well, one thing was certain: she definitely needed to buy some new clothes. She hadn't done so in over a month! To anyone that knew her, that fact was downright alarming.

Lily looked at her reflection pensively. No, this green dress showed way too much cleavage…

"Knock-knock," a voice said suddenly, startling her.

A voice. A voice. Yeah, right. She'd recognised that voice instinctively, instantly. It was his voice. She could never, ever mistake James Potter for anyone else.

Lily didn't turn, but she knew he was standing in the doorway, watching her.

"Hey," she said, scowling at the mirror. No, this dress was definitely not good enough.

"Oh no," he groaned, realising what was happening. "You're trying to decide what to wear, aren't you?"

She grinned. "Precisely. Do you want to help?"

He chuckled. "Nah, I happen to think you always look gorgeous. The dress you're wearing is great, by the way. If you want help picking lingerie, though –"

"No, thanks," she replied, laughing. "I've got it covered."

"Well, I'll be here at my desk if you need me."

Lily reached for the suitcase she'd brought from home (James rolled his eyes at the sight), and grabbed several other dresses, throwing them on her desk.

"Oh, I have nothing to wear," she moaned.

James shook his head. Julia knew better than to bother him with these existentialist anguishes women go through from time to time… Lily, on the other hand, had never cared enough about his mental sanity to refrain from talking about them when he was around.

"What am I supposed to wear, James?"

He closed his eyes, trying to avoid that dreadful feeling of déjà vu. This wasn't happening…

"What about that black one right there? You look good in black."

She lifted the dress and examined it. It was tiny.

"Are you sure you'd like to see me go out on a date with another guy wearing this? It's terribly slutty."

"You're right," he said thoughtfully. "I wouldn't mind if you wore it to work one of these days, though."

She grinned. "We'll see. Any more ideas?"

He shook his head. "I give up."

Lily turned to examine the pile of dresses. "I have no clothes," she complained again. "I need to go shopping."

"I'm sure you do," he replied tentatively, not sure of which statement he was concurring with, trying hard to keep the sarcastic tone from his voice.

"What do I wear?"

Resignedly, James decided to answer in the best way possible, trying to get Lily to 'wake up' and actually be more like herself – that determined, hot-tempered girl of whom he was so irrationally fond.

"Oh, come on, Lil – are you actually asking me to help you pick clothes so that you can look sexy for another guy?" he asked with annoyance he did not really feel. "Give me a break! If it depended on me, you wouldn't even go!"

Well, that was actually true. James didn't like the idea of Lily spending time with Benjamin, not at all.

She frowned; within seconds, her demeanour had changed drastically. "Well, I'm sorry, James, but I am going! I have a boyfriend, for goodness' sake! Why on earth are you jealous of Ben? You don't own me! None of you do!"

He suppressed a grin. "I know that… But, you know, if anyone did own you, it would be me."

"No, it wouldn't!"

"Yes, it would."

"No one will ever own me!"

"I'm just saying… If anyone did –"

"It wouldn't be you!"

"Who would it be, then?" he asked, looking at her with intense interest.

She hesitated. "Well –"

He grinned. "Me."

Lily blinked a few times, trying to think of a good comeback.

"All right… Look, it definitely wouldn't be Alain. I mean, who are you kidding? Seriously. You like this guy even less than I like Julia, and we both know it. So that leaves Benjy… and me."

"He hates it when people call him 'Benjy,'" Lily muttered inattentively. "And what makes you think I'd pick you over him?"

He grinned and looked her in the eye. "Oh, you would."

Lily clenched her jaw, annoyed at the fact that James knew her this well, that he toyed with her instincts in such a merciless way… Above all, the fact that he was right irritated her.

"Well, you know what? I'm just going to get dressed and go on my date," she said, grabbing the dress on top of the pile and going to the bathroom. "I'm almost late. And, James, keep this in mind – regardless of whatever there is between us, I'm going out with him."

"You're also going out with Alain," he replied at once. "Is that supposed to be a sign of anything?"

Lily sighed, exasperated, and slammed the bathroom door. When she left, wearing a long blue dress, he grinned.

"Okay, so no one owns you… But the one who's closest to it is me. We've established that fact, right?"

"Why is it so important to you anyway?"

He shrugged. "I just wanted to anger you a bit. I figured that would help you choose your clothes faster."

For a few seconds, Lily was frozen in place, stupidly staring at him. "Are you serious?"

He nodded, smiling. "It worked, didn't it?"

She laughed. "You're insane."

"I just know you too well."

"Yeah, that too."

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

You can only push someone so far; you can only break so many hearts

We used to love one another; now it's lust for your lover

Baby, I was trying to burn bridges of stone (…)

You can only wait for so long; in this game we play, can't tell right from wrong

You can only wait so long…

Hanson, "Bridges of Stone"

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

The maitre d' smiled courteously.

"Miss Evans," he saluted, bowing his head slightly. "Please follow me."

The atmosphere of the restaurant wasn't particularly romantic. The lights weren't too dim, and the discreet candle on each table could have gone unnoticed if it hadn’t been for the simple yet beautiful floral arrangement surrounding it.

Lily and Ben had met in this restaurant over five years ago. Not long after breaking up, they had met there again by accident, and had ended up settling their differences. Since then, it had been "their place." They never took any other dates there.

There was a jonquil – Lily's favourite flower – on the table, right beside her napkin. Ben's Armani was perfect, just for a change. Elegance was a part of him, so indissoluble that Lily couldn't possibly imagine him in a shabby outfit. His very presence suggested politeness, gentleness, and poise.

'Completely different, for instance,' Lily couldn't help but thinking, 'from James. He looks great in a suit, too, and he's quite a natural, but – ah, he has his own charms.'

Suddenly, Lily caught herself. Heavens, she was on a date with Ben and all she could think of was James!

Resolutely pushing away all thoughts of her attractive co-worker – 'Oh yeah, Lily Evans, like that's all he is to you!' –, she sat in front of Ben, noticing with satisfaction that his weren't the only eyes watching her every move. Many other diners were looking at her.

Lily knew she looked especially stunning tonight; she always tried to outdo herself whenever she met Ben. Her silken dark blue dress was strapless, and showed a lot of cleavage. Of course he couldn't help but stare.

"Hello," she greeted him, smiling.

"Hey," he replied. "You look fantastic."

"Thank you."

"So – you're working here now?"

"Yeah. I still live in Paris – I'm still dating Alain, actually –, but I work here."

"That's great."

She could tell that Ben was dying to ask what exactly was going on between Lily and James, but she really didn't want to make it any easier for him.

"With James Potter," he said after a while.

"Yes."

Benjamin frowned, obviously concerned. "I don't think –"

"He and I work very well together, Ben. Everyone knows it."

"How are things between you two?"

Lily paused to think about it. "Well… we don't really get along that well."

Ben sighed. "That wasn't the vibe I got this morning, Lil."

She bit her lower lip. What kind of vibe had he gotten? Had he noticed her attraction for James? Well, he had probably just sensed James' jealousy…

"He still wants you. And you know that."

Lily didn't answer.

"Watch out, Lily. That guy hurt you – the wounds were so deep that they still affect you. Don't get involved with him again. You're only going to get hurt."

"I'm a big girl, Ben," she said after a few seconds, lifting her chin proudly. "I can take care of myself."

"Of course you can," he agreed. "I'm just worried."

'No, I can't,' Lily thought immediately. 'Or so would have been James' immediate response.'

"Be careful, okay?" he asked, reaching out to hold her hand.

Lily froze. Something had glinted from his left hand.

Ben was married.

Lily held her breath. She'd lost him. Oh, boy… Of course she should have seen it coming. She couldn't possibly have hoped that he would’ve kept waiting for her, especially considering that she would never go back to him.

'No,' she reasoned calmly. 'It's fair. It's for the best.'

Lily had nothing against fooling around with married guys. In fact, she preferred to get involved with them, since they were about as willing to commit as she was.

But Ben's marriage signalled something: he was really trying to put his feelings for her behind him. Of course his presence on a date with her also meant that he wasn't being very successful.

Lily was beginning to realise that she didn't care. The real reason that she'd led him on for so long was –

Yes… Everything seemed so absurdly clear now that it was almost laughable. She wasn't in love with Ben. She had never been, and she never would be. Perhaps she had loved him at some point, but she had never really fallen in love with him.

His feelings had been so explosive, so passionate, that she had tricked herself into believing that she had held real feelings for him, too.

But she hadn’t, and she didn’t.

"You're married," she breathed out, looking at him.

He nodded, reaching for his glass of water.

"Angela?"

"Yes. That's why I went to France last Christmas… I wanted to invite you, but – well, you remember what happened."

She continued staring at him dazedly.

"You're a hard act to follow, you know," he muttered.

She took a few deep breaths, wondering what her reaction should be. What did he expect? Was she supposed to suddenly realise what she'd lost and beg him to take her back?

Well, if Ben expected that, he certainly didn't know Lily at all.

"You cold, heartless bitch," growled a voice behind her, a voice Lily knew belonged to Angela… Angela Fenwick.

Yes… Angela was right. She was heartless now. Losing James for the first time had hurt immensely, of course. But she'd learned her lesson well since then. Losing Ben hadn't hurt nearly as much; Lily had dumped him consciously, allowing logic to take full control of her life.

Now she was about to lose James again, to Julia, and that didn't bother her. She'd just lost Ben for good; only her ego had been wounded. Alain… Losing Alain would probably relieve her more than anything; he certainly wouldn't be missed.

Yes, she was heartless.

She'd been trying to get to this stage for years. She just didn't care enough about any of them – her heart was no longer her greatest weakness. It was great!

In the middle of her mental celebratory dance, Lily suddenly paused. Why did she feel so guilty about it?

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

I never thought I'd be speaking these words

I never thought I'd need to say

But one more day alone is more than I can take…

Won't you save me? Saving's what I need

I just wanna be by your side… Won't you save me?

I don't wanna be just drifting through the sea of life…

Hanson, "Save Me"

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

Lily turned to face the newcomer. "Hello, Mrs. Fenwick," she said with cold civility.

Angela's eyes flashed; though her fury was obviously directed at Lily now, she was also very angry with her husband.

"Honey –" he began.

She silenced him with a gesture. "I thought your – relationship with Benjamin was over, Miss Evans."

"It is."

"Then why on earth –"

"We met by chance this morning, Angela," Lily explained. "We just wanted to catch up, that's all."

"Get up and look at me in the eye, Lily Evans," she snarled. "Let's see if you have the guts to lie to me face to face."

Lily stood. When she did so, she spotted Leylann and her boyfriend at once, sitting not too far away.

Oh, this was no coincidence. Leylann was just being nosy; she had certainly guessed that Ben would bring Lily to this restaurant – he always did… Right then, she looked at Lily, and, though surprised, remained serene and waved discreetly.

Lily made a face she hoped Leylann would recognize as a desperate plea for help, and faced Angela.

"We're just old friends."

"Then why," Mrs. Fenwick asked angrily, "are you having a romantic dinner – candlelight, flowers, and everything?"

"We both like this restaurant," Lily answered simply.

Benjamin stared at her, amazed (as usual) by her extraordinary lying skills. How she managed to tell such shocking untruths with a straight face was beyond him.

Mrs. Fenwick also seemed to have realised that Lily would not falter in her adamant version of the truth. So she turned to face her husband instead, suspicion still in her eyes. The two of them would have to lie a lot more than that to pull the wool over her eyes.

"Do you have anything to add?"

"I was just telling Lily I'd gotten married," he said hesitatingly. "She has a boyfriend, too. I – I swear, honey, it's not like –"

"Oh, shut up," Angela interrupted him with disgust. "You make me sick."

Ben shrank and lowered his head. Lily threw him a look of scorn and disappointment, which Angela didn't miss, even though she didn't understand it.

In a corner of her mind, Angela started actually considering the possibility that Lily had been speaking the truth.

The anger in her voice started to wane. "And does your boyfriend know you're here?" she asked, glancing at her husband with contempt. "Because Benjamin here told me he was dining with co-workers."

Lily threw him the same look again, and Angela grinned.

"I'm sorry, Angela," Lily replied evenly. "My boyfriend does know I'm here. I assure you this is not a date."

"And who exactly is your boyfriend?"

Lily opened her mouth to answer, but heard a voice behind her that made her stop in her tracks.

"Lil?"

It was James.

Leylann had probably called him… Oh, bless her! There was no one else she would have rather seen right then.

She turned; the grin on her face when she greeted James was so broad and delighted that it caught him by surprise. He tried hard not to show it.

James had absolutely no idea what was happening. Leylann had just called him and said that Lily needed help with an uncomfortable situation that had come up in the middle of her date with Ben.

She slipped her hand into his, and faced Angela proudly. "Angela, this is my boyfriend, James Potter. James, this is Ben’s wife, Angela Fenwick."

The look on Ben's face was priceless, but Lily ignored it. James was caught off guard once more, but he soon came to his senses and greeted Mrs. Fenwick. He'd already caught on; his perceptiveness was one of the things Lily liked best about him.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Fenwick," he said with a charming smile.

Ben cringed, and Lily knew precisely what he was thinking: 'Don't you dare flirt with both of them, Potter.'

Angela observed James with slight distrust for a few seconds, but soon decided that he was genuine. "Nice to meet you too."

"Well, honey," James said, looking at Lily with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes, "I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner, but duty calls – something came up at the office."

"Okay," she agreed with a smile.

"I'm sorry, Benjamin," he added as an afterthought.

"It's all right," Ben replied quietly, sulking.

"I apologise for this mess, Angela," Lily said with a slight smile. "Goodbye. Bye, Ben."

"Bye, Lil."

"Bye, Lily – I'm sorry, I really overreacted –"

"It was understandable," she interrupted dismissively.

Lily and James walked away together, still holding hands. When they passed by Leylann's table, Lily threw her a we'll-talk-about-this-later look.

But she wasn't angry with Leylann. In fact, she wasn't even angry with Angela.

The prospect of spending some more time with James was more pleasant than anything involving Benjamin.

…….…….…….…….…….…….…….

8. Giving off sparks

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 8

"Giving Off Sparks"

.................................................

(How do you know when love is gone?) There's so much more within me…

(How do you know the passion's gone?) I know I just can't feel it!

(How do you know when love is gone?) Oh, baby…

(How do you know the passion's gone?) I know we have to move along!

Someday you'll forget me…

The Corrs, "Someday"

.................................................

"What's it going to be, Miss Evans?"

Lily sighed. She wasn't in the mood to decide anything. "Firewhisky's fine, Tom."

"Firewhisky it is, then."

Lily would have liked to talk to Leylann now, but her boyfriend was at her place, and she probably wouldn't have appreciated the interruption. Especially considering that Lily didn't have any real problems…

Except that she did.

And James… Lily sighed. James had had to go back home, to his stupid girlfriend. And now she was alone. Everyone was too busy; everyone had other things to worry about. And Lily was all alone.

For the first time in years, she hated that feeling. She needed someone – anyone.

No. Not just 'anyone'. She needed him.

The bartender brought Lily her drink. She sipped on it and made a face. Lily didn't like Firewhisky much, but it got her drunk reasonably fast. For a moment, she considered going to Paris to get some good absinthe, but the idea didn't seem all that pleasant. It would be likely to run into someone she knew there – and she'd had enough of unexpected encounters today.

"Lily?"

She closed her eyes and snorted. Of course. Again. Fate had clearly established Pick-On-Lily Day. She turned to see who it was.

"Oh, hi, Mel. Have a seat," she invited, somewhat relieved. Amelia wasn't unpleasant; it could have been much worse.

As soon as Amelia sat, Lily noticed that the girl looked definitely miserable, and was about to start crying.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I –" Amelia resisted the sobs, and bravely went on. "I just need a drink."

"Firewhisky?"

"That'd be great."

Lily motioned for Tom to get her a refill and a cup for Amelia. He left the whole bottle with them – surely the two girls would manage to drink most of it tonight.

"What happened?"

Amelia took a deep breath. "I have to quit. I can't be an Auror anymore."

"Why is that?"

"I can't work with – with him. I can't risk seeing him all the time."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "Who?"

"Fabian. He comes over all the time, and I always have to hide… I'm so sick of it! I want to work somewhere I can be in peace… And there's Gus, too; I can't risk dying and leaving an orphan behind."

Lily stared at her, wide-eyed. Of course she'd noticed Amelia's avoiding Fabian Prewett, but she had never bothered to find out why.

"Edgar's already in that – thing of yours," Amelia continued, looking at her significantly. Lily nodded. "We're practically all the family Gus has. My parents are already too old to take care of him. My other brothers work far away. I can't continue being an Auror. It's too dangerous."

"James and I will need a little time to find a replacement, but we'll manage. Where are you going to work?"

Amelia shrugged and finished her cup. Lily pushed the bottle closer to her.

"You're very good at this, Mel – would you at least consider, say, Law Enforcement?"

She seemed thoughtful. "I don't that would be too bad."

"I know some people there; I'll try to pull some strings, then."

"That's very nice of you. Thanks, Lily."

"Would you – can I –?" Lily hesitated and sighed. "What happened with you and Fabian? I remember you two used to date at Hogwarts…"

Amelia grimaced.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to –"

"No, no," she interrupted. "It's fine. I need to talk to someone anyway, or else I'll go insane."

Lily poured herself and Amelia some more Firewhisky, and waited.

.................................................

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say

And it's sad to walk away with just the memories

Who's to know what might have been?

We'll leave behind a life and time we'll never know again

Please remember, I was there for you and you were there for me

And remember, please remember me…

LeAnn Rimes, "Please Remember"

.................................................

"Fabian and I fell in love back at Hogwarts. Oh, Merlin," she breathed out with a sad smile. "I loved him. I was so sure he was my soul mate… We graduated two years before you. We had already made all sorts of plans – I was going to start Auror training, and he was going to work in Gringotts. After a few years, we'd get married…"

Lily bit her lower lip, easily recognising the similarities.

Amelia's tone was now bitter. "His father was an Auror, too. I don't know if you met him. Mr. Prewett was one of the most influential Chief Aurors ever – he had been a personal friend of all the Ministers for Magic in the past decades, and was a necessary acquaintance for anyone who wanted to do well in British politics. Anyway, he – he didn't like me. He forced Fabian to break up with me shortly before Graduation."

Tears welled up her eyes, and Amelia blinked rapidly. "Of course, Fabian didn't take his father's determination very seriously. He really loved me; he didn't want to let go of me so easily. We continued seeing each other. Every time Mr. Prewett found out, he forbade Fabian of meeting me again; and Fabian kept disobeying him. We tried to break up a few times – but it hurt too much… And then one day…"

Amelia choked, and started sobbing. She clenched her jaw resolutely and her nostrils flared – she couldn't cry, she wouldn't… Her shaking hand clutched her glass tightly and brought it to her lips.

"One day, a few months later, Fabian and he had an exceptionally fierce argument. Mr. Prewett kicked Fabian out of the house. He quickly bought an apartment for himself, and asked me to move in with him. And then – before I could get there, before anything else could happen… Death Eaters murdered Mr. Prewett while he was out on a mission."

Lily held her breath. Amelia's misery touched her – she could understand the girl's pain. But she never could've guessed that her work colleague had been through so much…

Lily met Fabian every once in a while – he was one of the bravest Aurors she'd ever met. His refusal to join the Order had always seemed strange, but now she wondered whether that had anything to do with Amelia.

"Fabian was wrecked with guilt. He – he broke up with me; he knew that would have probably been his father's dying wish. I was absolutely devastated. Eventually, I ended up marrying a distant cousin my mother had chosen. I just didn't care anymore. Only God knows how I finished Auror training."

"But Fabian became an Auror, too – how did that happen?"

"He wanted to fight Death Eaters – he blamed himself for his father's death. He started training one year after I did."

"You haven't talked to him since then?"

Amelia smiled manically. "Oh, no – I talked to him. Once. I can't have him anymore, even though he still loves me," she said, and then continued in an excited whisper, "but I have him, Lily. I have him!"

Lily blinked, frowning. The change in Amelia's behaviour had been extremely sudden and unexpected. "What do you mean?"

"I have a part of him… It belongs to me – and no one can take it away! I have his son…"

Lily's mouth hung open. "And… he doesn't know?"

Amelia shook her head, giggling. "I was married at the time – my son has my ex-husband's name. I divorced him soon after I got pregnant. I'd had Fabian again – I had his son… I had a reason to live."

Lily was stupefied beyond words.

Amelia sighed, and sobered. "Please don't tell anyone about this."

"Of course."

Amelia stood and smiled. "Thanks, Lily. I really needed to talk to someone. I'll continue working with you guys for the next few weeks, don't worry."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye."

Amelia waved and left the Leaky Cauldron, and Lily stared after her.

That could've been her. If Lily had dwelled on the memories of James all these years – if she hadn't managed to get over him… She would've been that miserable.

Merlin, she couldn't possibly fall for him again! What if he destroyed her life again? What if she became like Amelia, clinging desperately on to the memories of the past? She couldn't risk it…

No, she couldn't fall for James again. Never, ever, ever!

.................................................

Hey, kids, rock'n'roll, that's how I lost control

Hey, kids, go get high, I can't remember why

Up all night, I waste my time – I'm fine, but a day behind

Up all night feeling stupid and happy, but the days are overlapping…

Aimee Allen, "I'd Start A Revolution"

.................................................

Lily woke up on Monday at five-thirty in the morning with a splitting headache. The previous day seemed strangely surreal. Had she really done all that? Had she really fooled around with James, had a date with Ben and nearly passed out at the Leaky Cauldron after drinking too much?

Merlin…

Her head hurt like hell… She desperately needed some Hangover Cure Potion…

The bitter taste in her mouth made her sick to her stomach. She remembered throwing up the night before, in the middle of the Leaky… She could have killed herself right then, just to end that searing pain and the nausea, but at the same time Lily knew that she hadn't felt this alive in years…

She could feel life pulsating in her veins – life, excitement, desire, challenge… She was at the same time ashamed of her actions and proud of herself, depressed and keyed up, bound and free…

'Stop thinking about it…' she told herself sternly.

Indeed, it hurt to think… And there was also that strange, void feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her she was missing something… someone…

Lily went to the kitchen and tried to find some Hangover Cure Potion. Oh, great – there was none. Oh, well… surely Marlene would be able to brew some at the office.

Unfortunately, her mind still felt slightly fuzzy, and she still wasn't thinking properly. It was painfully hard to remember what had happened last night… Suddenly, she remembered that she'd smoked the night before. Aw, what an awful combination, cigs and alcohol – she really shouldn't have done it… She definitely hadn't been thinking straight.

Lily almost laughed. Smoking was a habit she undeniably associated with Ben; she hadn't done it since their last meeting. He'd taught her that it was an excellent way to unwind, especially after in the middle of a rough work day or on a hectic night.

Ah, yes… that's what she needed right now! She had to smoke, to clear her mind a bit.

Too lazy to go look for the pack she'd bought the night before, she simply transfigured a napkin into a cigarette, and lit it with her wand.

Breathing out smoke contently, Lily began to relax.

Yes… She wanted James? Well, she'd get him in time. And she wouldn't fall in love with him! She just wouldn't, period. She was tougher now – she knew how to protect herself against those feelings.

Absent-mindedly, Lily found an ashtray and rested her cigarette on it, pondering that she would have to force herself to eat, or at least drink something now. Ugh, no, no way.

Her headache was slowly beginning to diminish, but she cursed herself for not remembering to drink some water the night before, which would certainly have helped her feel better now.

Oh, she had to hurry, or else she'd be late… Lily had no idea of how she'd behave around James today… She had to think about it, but her speed of thought still seemed to be a little damaged, and she would heed a while to get back to normal.

Of course the lack of sleep didn't help her situation at all, but –

Boy, Lily hated hangovers.

.................................................

Here I am again, somewhere in between

Trying to find reality in a dream

I'm afraid to say I need someone like you

Hate to love…

Shania Twain, "Hate To Love"

.................................................

What to wear, what to wear? Lily didn't want to look too serious – she didn't want James to think that she'd put what had happened behind her –, but she couldn't be inappropriately indecent, either. Oh, she wasn't really in the mood to make such a vital and horribly difficult choice…

With a grin, Lily remembered James' comments yesterday, while she'd been trying to pick an outfit for her date with Ben. 'I think you always look hot no matter what. If you want help picking lingerie, though…'

Lily smirked. Alain usually had something tasteful to say about what she wore – sophisticated, experienced comments… They were so different, he and James… how would she manage to deal with both of them at once? And why did she have to keep leading her boyfriend on, if she was completely sure of whom she really wanted?

She was wrapped in a towel, leaning against the windowsill, smoking. Her closet was open behind her but right now she definitely lacked the –

"Lily?" called Valerie from the living room.

She grinned. Valerie knew better than to hesitate before Apparating to Lily's living room, especially in the morning. Alain was never awake this early… and, being the awfully conservative guy he was, of course he had never appreciated most kinds of spice in their sex life, even one as mild and, well, normal as fooling around in places other than the bedroom.

Why was Lily with him again? Oh, right… She had affairs for that kind of thing. What she wanted from Alain was only security. Of course his canine faithfulness and protectiveness annoyed her often… All in all, she knew that she wouldn't endure him much longer.

"I'm in my room, Val!"

After a few seconds, Valerie entered.

"You're smoking?" she asked, staring.

Lily breathed out some smoke; it took her a while to answer. "Does it look like I am?"

Valerie blinked a few times, trying to understand what had happened. "You… met that guy? What's his name again? Ben, right?"

She nodded.

"Did you sleep with him?"

Lily laughed dryly, and continued smoking in silence.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'… By the way, where's Alain?"

She sighed. "No idea."

Valerie checked her watch, puzzled. "Don't you always like getting to work early?"

"I can't decide what to wear," Lily replied quietly.

"You have quite a few nice clothes."

"I don't want to look nice," she muttered, scowling. "I don't need him to see me as 'nice'."

"Who?"

"Guess, Valerie."

Val blinked a few times, startled. What on earth was going on? "Okay, Lily, come on. Tell me what's happening. I haven't seen you in a few days, and apparently a lot has changed since then. I'm really in the dark here."

She took another drag from her cigarette, and frowned. "Short version? I'm screwed. My love life is quite possibly the most ridiculous, pathetic and senseless one in the history of the universe."

"And… long version?"

"I can't stand to look at my boyfriend's face anymore," Lily replied impatiently, tapping off the ash. "I'm totally in lust with a guy I can't have… Oh, and Ben's married, too. I'm just so utterly frustrated that I had to go out last night and get totally sloshed. So right now I feel like shit. And I have to go to work and meet James."

Valerie was still confused. "You're in lust with… Ben?"

Lily glared at her. "No! I couldn't care less about him!"

"Then who –"

Lily's laugh was hollow and ironic. "Think, Val. Who could I possibly be talking about? What kind of guy can't I get?"

"Well," Valerie replied pensively. "I'm probably supposed to deduce that he's someone with whom you work – that's always been one of your major no-nos… Right?"

"Perhaps… Merlin, you're thick sometimes. What else?"

Val frowned. "Someone whom a friend of yours likes, I guess… And… Let me see… Well, a guy who doesn't like you, or doesn't want to be with you for some reason – maybe an atypically faithful guy? Euh… Am I missing something here?"

Lily half-smiled. "It doesn't matter. Most of the things you say apply to him just fine."

"Who is he?"

"You still don't know?"

"How am I –"

"James, Val!" she exclaimed. "James bloody Potter!"

Valerie gaped. "But… But you – I thought you hated him!"

"No, I didn't!" Lily snapped. "The day I hate James Potter is the day pigs fly! I just… I'm attracted to him, that's all. Too much for my own good."

Valerie stared at Lily. "Does he know that?"

"Of course he does," she muttered, walking to her closet. "And it's killing him, too."

"So – he likes you?"

Lily shrugged. "I'm not sure he does. He wants me – that's all I know. And all I care about, really."

"But you work with him! It'll be a distraction! And what's going to happen after you dump him?"

"I have no idea… But that doesn't really matter. It's just lust; I'm sure it won't be a messy break-up."

Valerie was slightly sceptic. But then again, Lily's break-ups were never messy… for her, that is. She had left quite a few guys broken-hearted along the way.

Val definitely couldn't understand her friend's looking down on commitment and love. Personally, she thought that, deep inside, Lily was still waiting for Mr. Right. It wasn't possible to disdain love that much – just to avoid being hurt.

"I see. Well, I hope you have fun. And – who knows? Maybe this one might actually become something more than just a fling… You've been in love with him before; what if you fall for him again? Wouldn't that be great?"

Lily's eyes widened.

If Valerie didn't know better, she would say that Lily was terrified. But of course that couldn't be it.

Lil wasn't afraid of anything; she was the bravest, toughest person Val had ever met…

"I – I won't," she stuttered. "It wouldn't be great, not at all." Lily glanced at her watch, and added, "I really have to go."

Lily threw her closet a contemplative look. It was now or never.

With a smirk, she picked up the minuscule slutty dress James had liked and got dressed. Wordlessly, Valerie chose some shoes, not understanding fully why Lily had chosen such a provocative outfit.

Some handy spells replaced make-up and hair gel; after a few seconds, she was ready to leave.

"Can I ask you something?"

Lily turned to face Val, and waited.

"Why are you still with Alain? I mean, really? You keep leading him on, and, to be honest, I feel sorry for him sometimes. He thinks you love him!"

Lily sighed. "I – I don't really know. I just like having someone in whom I can trust, to an extent. I kind of need the safety. Alain is really calm, he'll always be there when I need him and he'll never cheat on me."

"Well, yes, but he's so not your type!"

"Exactly! He's horrible in bed, dull and absurdly boring! That is why there is absolutely no chance I'll ever fall in love with him!"

Val seemed surprise. "You're afraid of falling in love?"

Lily clenched her jaw. "You have no idea of what I've been through because of infatuations like that, Valerie. Believe me, I really am not at all anxious to fall in love again."

"You can't really control things like that, you know," Val muttered, frowning. "If you're meant to fall in love, you will. There's nothing you can do about it."

Lily bit her lip.

"Yeah," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know that."

.................................................

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time

I don't know what to do, and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a power keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight…

Bonnie Tyler, "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

.................................................

"Spill it."

James looked up, startled to meet Sirius at this time of the morning, and reached for the cream cheese, putting some on his toast. "What?"

"I didn't say anything last night because Julia was here, but… come on, Prongs. Where were you?"

"What do you mean?" James asked, trying to buy himself some time. Would Lily be angry if he told Sirius what had happened?

"What do I mean? Well, for starters, you went to work on Saturday and only returned late on Sunday morning, which is quite unusual –"

"I always –"

"Yes, but not this much. You never spend this much time there. Plus, you were sort of weird and distant for the rest of the day – the brief hours you spent away from the office, that is. As soon as you got back home, Leylann – Leylann! – called, and you left in a hurry. You came back all disappointed and sulky, making it abundantly clear that you really wished you were somewhere else. There. Would you mind telling me what on earth is going on, Prongs?"

Oh, what the hell. James had already made the mistake of hiding his relationship with Lily from his friends twice – he'd learned his lesson. He wouldn't do that this time; he'd be honest from the start.

"I was with Lily," he admitted, hoping that Sirius would perhaps interpret his statement innocently.

Obviously, no such thing happened. Sirius immediately looked up to meet his gaze, his dark grey eyes earnest and preoccupied. "Prongs –"

"It was nothing," James hurried to clarify. "I just – we agreed that we can't risk a messy break-up, so we're not doing anything."

An incredulous snort was Sirius' only reply.

"I'm serious, Padfoot. Really. I can't –"

He groaned impatiently. "Oh, come on, James. Who are you trying to kid? Are you really going to keep on pretending she's not in your head all bloody day long? Do you think she won't notice? Lily's not Julia!"

"You think I don't know that?"

"Do you think we hadn't noticed it? You talk about her all the time… You bury yourself in work because that brings her closer to you… You're so frustrated you've started to snap at Julia –"

"She – I – I didn't even yell at her last night or anything! She's just so – annoying sometimes!"

"It's not her fault she's not Lily!" Sirius retorted sharply. "Honestly, Prongs, can't you see that Julia's really a victim here? It's not fair, what you're doing to her."

"What do you suggest? That I break up with her?"

Sirius sighed. "Am I supposed to assume that you'll manage to keep your hands off Lily?"

"Well," James hesitated, "yeah. I guess."

Padfoot shook his head. "I wish I could believe you, Prongs, but I don't. Break up with Julia – you don't even like her. You'll just end up breaking her heart at some point. It's better to do it now than –"

"Lily won't let me in her pants now – we really have an agreement."

"Her self-control is as good as yours! You two just go nuts around each other, and you know it!"

"There's nothing I can do, Sirius!" James exclaimed, frowning. "The girl just – you have no idea what it's like! She likes the chase; she likes making me drool after her. You'll see… She's not going to let me shag her any time soon. We'll just keep running around in circles."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "She'll give in, eventually. Don't do anything you might regret, that's all I'm saying."

James ran his fingers through his messy hair. "Lily's a real tease, Padfoot. She's great at this taunting thing… I've never met a woman who likes the chase as much as she does. One would think she wouldn't waste her time torturing me, but she will. I should have gone all the way this morning – she'll be vindictive now."

"I'm sure she won't protest if you –"

"She won't let it come to that. She'll make sure we're never alone in the room. Oh, God…"

Sirius laughed. "If she's nearly as helplessly attracted as you are, the chase won't last too long."

James looked at his friend soberly. "I sure as hell hope it won't."

"Don't worry, Prongs. Really."

He stood up, glancing at his watch. "I have to go, or else I'll be late for work."

Sirius grinned. "Can't wait to see her, right?"

"No, Padfoot, I just hate being late for work, that's all."

"Oh! Don't forget that the Most Attractive Auror elections are this week! Tell Lily to pass by the Ministry to show off a bit – and please don't bother to accompany her. I really do want to win this year."

James raised an eyebrow. "You won last year; you can't win two years in a row."

"Oh. Right. Well, then… Go flirt with the Ministry girls as soon as possible. We don't want to risk Gideon or Fabian winning, can we?"

"They haven't won in years, Sirius. It's always between the two of us."

"Well, yeah, but still."

"Lily's going to win this thing very, very easily."

"So will you, if you show up at Headquarters before the voting starts. People have probably forgotten you exist, Prongs. You hardly ever go there anymore! Lily's keeping you too busy."

James smiled. "I wish, Padfoot. I really do."

.................................................

9. Wicked Game

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 9

"Wicked Game"

.................................................

Picture this, me and you doing what we want to do

Imagine, we could do this all day; baby boy, you stay on my mind

Fulfil my fantasies… (Come on, girl, tell me how you feel)

I think about you all the time; I see you in my dreams

(You don't know what you do to me)

Baby boy, not a day goes by without my fantasies…

Beyoncé, "Baby Boy"

.................................................

"Hangover cure potion?"

Lily finished emptying the vial, stretched lazily. and smiled at James. Oh, she felt wonderful right now – her headache had vanished, and so had her stomachache. She was almost even hungry… almost. Her Monday was improving significantly.

Marlene always had some excellent hangover cure potion in her stock for emergencies like this. Drinking it always made Lily feel all warm, and for a while all her senses seemed to be heightened. It was a very calming effect, and now she really wanted to close her eyes and appreciate it.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "I went out for a drink last night."

"So I've heard."

Lily looked at James curiously. He walked to his desk and loosened his tie a bit. He then opened his suitcase and got a small stack of papers and pieces of parchment, arranging them neatly next to his correspondence pile.

"Amelia told me you two met at the Leaky Cauldron… She said that you suggested she go to Law Enforcement after leaving us."

"I did."

"It will suit her just fine. And, let me guess – are you asking your “friend” Benjy to recommend her to his superiors?"

Lily grinned. "Yes. And, like I told you yesterday, he hates it when people call him that."

"Benjy it is, then. Do you reckon he'll still want to do you any favours? You know, after the fiasco last night and all?"

"What fiasco? You're the only person he really doesn't want to see right now."

"What do you mean? You mean –" James snorted. "He believed I was going out with you? Hadn't you told him otherwise?"

She smiled. "You and I pretend well, I guess."

"I see."

James sat at his desk, and his gaze remained fixed on her. "Did you know he was married?"

"Not really. But it doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

"A relationship that long… things get boring. Married men get really excited with new things, and they're never looking for commitment."

"So… you prefer to cheat on your boyfriend with other people who are already cheating on someone else?"

"Basically, yes."

"So," he said with a boyish grin, "does that mean I have a chance?"

"Why?" Lily asked with a raised eyebrow. "Are things with Julia that boring?"

James shrugged. "We've been together for a year… It's – normal."

"I guess so. When was the last time you cheated on her?"

He snorted, making a face.

"Oh, right. Now you're going to get offended. Come on, James – we both know you do it all the time! You're the most commitment-phobic person I've ever met!"

"It's your fault, you know."

"Ditto."

"You're the most commitment-phobic person I've ever met, Lily."

She grinned. "Yes, that makes sense. Well," she said, trying to focus on the scrolls in front of her. "We should really start working. There's a lot to do."

"Which reminds me – Sirius asked me to fill you in on the MAA."

"MAA?"

"Most Attractive Auror. It's this stupid election we have every year… If you want to stand a chance, you should pay the Ministry Aurors a visit one of these days. You know, show off and leave them all drooling."

"Who won last year?"

"Sirius and Marlene. But it's forbidden for someone to win two years in a row."

"When was the last time you won?"

He smiled. "Guess."

"The year before last?"

"Yes."

"When was the last time anyone besides you and Sirius won?"

"The year before that. Everyone wanted to elect Frank and Alice – they'd just gotten married and all."

"Oh, so the year before last it was you against Sirius? And you won?"

James grinned smugly. "Exactly."

"So this year… Everyone thinks you're going to win. With which girl?"

He hesitated. "Julia, probably. But now you're in the picture, so –"

Lily laughed, and he smirked. "Who are you voting for?" she asked, looking into his eyes.

James shook his head, smiling. "You know the answer to that."

Lily bit her lip. Yes, she knew. Of course he'd vote for her. And she'd vote for him, and they'd probably be elected. 'The golden couple,' just like old times…

In a nervous reflex, she snapped her purse open. She needed to get her mind off these things for a while – she needed to smoke.

James scowled when he saw that she was reaching for a cigarette.

"You're smoking now?"

She shrugged.

"You should really stop that, you know."

"Why?"

"It's such a stupid thing to do! Filling your lungs with smoke – big deal."

"It's comforting," Lily replied, lighting up with a simple smell.

"Do it in the bathroom, at least, Lil," he said, frowning. "I don't need to breathe the pollution."

She shrugged and went to the bathroom.

"Why are you wearing that big coat anyway?" he asked loudly, just as she was passing the threshold. "It's not cold in here."

Lily turned to face him. At first her eyes widened slightly, as if she'd been surprised by his question. Then, a moment later, she was grinning naughtily, making James wonder if that innocent wonder had actually been there or if had been just a figment of his imagination.

In one smooth movement, she removed the big coat and threw it on her desk, taking her time to turn slowly and walk to the bathroom.

James couldn't help but gape. It was that dress, the minuscule black dress he'd asked her to wear… it revealed a lot of cleavage, and everything else as well. He didn't quite know how Lily had the guts to walk around the street in that –

Oh yeah. She didn't have the guts. That's why she was wearing such a huge coat. She probably wouldn't let anyone see her outfit; she had put it on solely for James.

Almost involuntarily, he followed her into the bathroom.

How could he possibly resist a girl like that?

.................................................

I never could imagine there were only 10 million ways to love somebody

Can't you see I'm at your feet? Whenever, wherever, we're meant to be together

I'll be there and you'll be near, and that's the deal my dear

There over, here under, you'll never have to wonder

We can always play by ear, and that's the deal, my dear…

Shakira, "Whenever, Wherever"

.................................................

Lily was standing in front of the mirror, watching him with a smirk.

"I can't believe you're wearing that," he muttered, staring at her reflection. She looked slightly surreal, her black dress contrasting heavily with her red hair, white skin, and the walls surrounding them… The smoke she breathed out created a strange aura around her face.

"You asked me to do it…"

He grinned. "And you obey me since when?"

"I might argue with you, James," she replied simply, turning to face him. "But I never disobey you. And you know that."

"Get rid of that thing, then," he said immediately, nodding at the cigarette.

Lily laughed. "You are so predictable. All right, I will. But first – here, try it."

He shook his head.

"Sticks and stones, James. I will only quit smoking if you try it."

James sighed and gingerly took her cigarette, taking a drag.

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" she taunted, grinning.

He smiled and blew some smoke in her face.

She closed her eyes, laughing. "I really think you –"

Lily didn't get to finish the sentence. James had put his hand on her neck and was pulling her closer… His lips were on hers, sending shivers down her spine… his tongue touched her lower lip and she immediately let him in, wrapping her arms around his neck…

James pushed her roughly against the bathroom wall. The contact of the cold wall against her bare back made Lily come to her senses. Oh, what was she doing? Hadn't they decided that this wasn't worth the risk?

He was James bloody Potter! Didn't she remember? He just wanted to get in her pants, "love and leave" her… James didn't care about her feelings – not that she had any, of course… He was a bastard, who happened to be dating one of her best friends…

He was just James! James, whom she knew like the back of her hand and truly cared about, to whom she was incredibly attracted… James, her James, who clearly wanted her as much as she did him… Why should she care about whom he was dating? He was hers; he'd always been hers first and foremost, before he had even known Julia existed… James was Lily's, and she would never let him go…

That was all that mattered now.

.................................................

It's strange, what desire will make foolish people do (…)

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to say, "You've never felt this way"

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

No, I don't want to fall in love (this world will only break your heart)

No, I don't want to fall in love with you…

Chris Isaak, "Wicked Game"

.................................................

"Lily?"

Marlene's distant call made Lily nearly cry out in frustration. Why, why, why did she have to be interrupted now? What could possibly be so important? Merlin…

James heard Marlene's voice as well, and backed off slightly. His forehead rested against Lily's, and the tips of their noses continued touching.

"I can't believe it," he muttered.

Lily kissed him lightly, sliding her hands to rest on his chest. "I should go."

James seemed reluctant to let go of her, but it didn't bother Lily in the slightest. "The office door is locked," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "But you can go open it, if you want."

Oh, right… He knew perfectly well that there was nowhere she'd rather be; he knew that the interruption had angered her as much as it had him.

Lily sighed and went back to the office. James followed her, and muttered the spell to invalidate the door's soundproof attribute.

"Yeah, Marlene?" Lily asked loudly.

"Sirius is downstairs. He's calling you and James to go to the Ministry," Marlene replied from the stairs, on the other side of the office door. "He's waiting."

James sighed heavily. "Tell him we'll be down in a minute."

"All right."

Marlene's footsteps going down the stairs reached their ears a few seconds later. Lily had always liked Sirius, and the idea of winning this 'Most Attractive Auror' thing seemed really appealing, but right now she wanted nothing more than to tell him to go to hell. And shove that stupid MAA –

"You should change," James stated, looking at her with a smile. "Please don't wear that dress – it's just not fair. No one wants the vote to be unanimous. What's the fun in that?"

Lily laughed. James decided to shower while she chose her outfit.

With a swish of her wand, Lily lengthened her dress. She then transfigured it into a blouse and a skirt, whose colour, fabric, and size she kept switching until the ensemble pleased her. She was still at it when he finished his shower, but it didn't take her too long to make up her mind.

"Better?" she asked.

"There still isn't much of a chance of anyone voting for Julia," he replied pensively, with mock solemnity. "What a pity."

"Well, why don't you vote for her, then?"

James lifted her chin slightly and kissed her softly.

"I would never choose her over you."

She grinned, and they went downstairs together.

The cigarette was forgotten in the bathroom sink. Lily wouldn't need it anymore – there was no more reason for nervousness.

It was only a matter of time.

.................................................

You can't know how much I think about you – it's making my head spin

Looking at you, and you are looking at me

And we both know what we want – hmm, so close to giving in…

(…) I'm flying so high, high off the ground when you're around

And I feel your high rocking me inside… It's too much to hide…

Jem, "Flying High"

.................................................

"Merlin," Lily said suddenly. "I'm tired."

James looked up, startled to hear her voice. They had been working in silence for hours now, trying their best to get everything done. Jacques Neveu's visit was upon them – Saturday was only two days away –, and Godric's Hollow wasn't fully prepared yet. Most of the work that still needed to be done was strategy, but there were a few practical aspects that also needed attention.

Well, it was little wonder that Lily was tired. It was almost nine p.m., and they'd been working non-stop since six in the morning. James was also pretty tired – the past few days had been extremely stressful. They hadn't even had time to think about –

'Stop, stop, stop! James Harold Potter, don't you dare think about it! Don't get sidetracked!'

In truth, they hadn't really stopped thinking about each other. But at least they had managed to focus on work despite it.

Focused. Right. Their minds rampaged every time that they brushed against each other by accident, and every time that one of them accidentally made a wayward comment... They both knew what they were thinking about – and, after four days of enduring this situation, the strain was downright maddening.

"You want to take a break, Lil? Go home and rest a bit."

She shook her head. "I'm aching all over – I haven't even stood for hours. I just… Ugh, I don't even need to look at the Godric's Hollow's map anymore! I know it by heart."

"So do I," he replied.

"I can't believe I still have all this French stuff to do," she muttered angrily, glowering at the untouched pile of correspondence from Paris. "I hate France, I hate Paris, I hate every single bloody –"

"You should really quit, you know. There's no more reason for you to keep that job. I don't think you mind cutting your ties – there is no way you're leaving us now."

"I know… I will, as soon as possible."

"How about tomorrow?"

Lily frowned, and then realisation dawned on her. "Right… Tomorrow we're going to the French Ministry. I'd forgotten about that. Sure, tomorrow."

"Will I get to meet Mr. Boring?" he asked, grinning. "Will he be there?"

She laughed. "Maybe. It's likely."

"Good. I'm curious."

Lily shook her head, and tried to concentrate back on her work. It was useless; her body was complaining about all the extra work she'd been forced to do in the past few days. Naturally, the excessive amount of fantasizing about James Potter and the tension of being close to him all day long didn't help much…

"Aw," Lily groaned, rubbing her neck with a grimace.

James' gaze was fixed on hers lazily, and he was clearly fighting back a smile.

Of course Lily noticed the corners of his mouth were twitching. "What is it? Why are you –?" she stopped abruptly. "Do I want to know the answer to that question?"

James hesitated, but ended up grinning. "Do you want me to give you a backrub?"

She tilted her head to the side, watching him with narrowed eyes.

"I'm pretty good at that, you know."

Lily laughed. "Oh, I remember. I just doubt the integrity of your intentions."

He stood, grinning.

"James –" she said warningly. "You –"

"Let me just try," he interrupted her smoothly. "You can ask me to stop at any time; I really won't mind."

Lily continued eyeing him with some suspicion, but nodded. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw him locking the door with a simple spell.

"Just a precaution."

She decided that it would be safer to stand. That way, if he tried anything, it would be easier for her to slip away. Of course she wanted nothing more than to give in to him… But they really did have a lot of work, and sex would certainly be dangerous distraction.

"No, Lil, sit down."

"Nah, this can't take too long anyway."

James clearly understood her reasoning – he always did… He smiled and shook his head, walking until he stood directly behind her.

He slowly started stroking her back, and massaging her shoulders. Lily's knees went rubbery, and James sat on her chair, guiding her to sit in his lap. She didn't object.

His thumbs worked their way down her neck, following her spinal column, pressing a bit more. After doing this a few times, he went back to her neck, pressing a few specific spots… James Potter was no fool – he knew exactly what he was doing, he knew exactly which sensations he was causing in Lily's body. After a while, he massaged her shoulders again, pinching her skin slightly. His hands soon returned to her neck.

A low groan escaped Lily's lips, making him lose concentration a bit. She started softening visibly, and leaned her head against James' cheek while he worked on her back once more. Her eyes were closed, her lips were slightly parted – her facial expression was so utterly delicious that it took James all his self-control to refrain himself from kissing her… 'Not yet, James Potter, not yet…'

When Lily sensed his fingers making their way back up, she flipped her hair to the front, in order to grant him better access to her neck. James then couldn't quite hold back – there was something about her bare neck and shoulder that threw him utterly off balance. Or maybe it was just her presence so close to him, so familiar, so touchable…

James bit her neck softly, and his hands slid to her waist. For a split second, he wondered what her reaction was going to be. Lily only leaned her head further back; her mind was a muddle, an incomprehensible jumble of thoughts, desires, and disjointed arguments against –

Oh, but how could she possibly back off now? What kind of argument would it take for them to stop? There was no way she could reason against this overwhelming rush of yearning… And why would she want to fight it anyway?

Lily felt like she was about to cry; she was breathless, dizzy, her head was spinning… She honestly didn't think she was capable of logical thinking…

But who needed logic? Lily had James.

.................................................

I'm lost to you now, and there's no amount of reason that could save me

So break me, take me, just let me feel your love again

Feels like being underwater, now that I've let go and lost control (…)

Kiss me once – well, maybe twice… Oh, it never felt so nice…

Jewel, "Break Me"

.................................................

A tiny, almost mute part of James' mind kept trying to remind him that it would be hard for them to work properly after sleeping together. Even though they were both professionals, it would be very easy to allow their minds to wander…

But of course James didn't pay any attention to the useless warnings of common sense. Suddenly, Lily turned around, putting her knees on either side of his thighs. She tossed her hair back and looked him in the eye. He leaned forward to kiss her, but she leaned back, away from him.

James frowned, confused. She grinned naughtily, and he groaned. He wasn't in the mood for her games tonight!

"Lily, not now… Please…"

She seemed thoughtful for a few seconds, keeping her torso carefully away from his. James' fingers brushed against her cheek lightly. Almost despite herself, Lily closed her eyes and leaned against his warm hand.

Lily didn't resist when he pulled her closer and kissed her deeply; she didn't object to the touch of his hand underneath her blouse; she didn't complain when he started toying with the upper button of her jeans…

She loosened his tie and quickly unbuttoned his shirt. He impatiently got rid of it; Lily's blouse was soon on the floor as well. She ran her hands through his hair and lifted his chin to kiss him, allowing his hands to caress her.

Suddenly, she leaned back with a playful smile, resting her upper back on the desk, and James groaned. Merlin, the woman wanted to drive him crazy…

James' hands held her back, his warm touch making her feel all tingly and snug – Lily was sure that she was safe here, and he would never let her go… He kissed her belly slowly, painstakingly licking his way up, and she swayed her hips slightly. He groaned, clearly enjoying the friction, and soon got to her bra. He was about to undo it, when –

"Prongs?"

James growled incomprehensibly. No, no, no… Not again…

"I really, really, really feel like killing someone right now," he muttered breathlessly, glaring at the door.

Breathing hard, she sat up and stared at him, completely lost. Remus' footsteps grew alarmingly close, and Lily knew she had to do something – anything. But she didn't want to, she didn't want this moment to end, she didn't want to be interrupted yet again, and spend many sleepless nights wondering, fantasizing, longing for James like never before…

Remus knocked. They had barely moved, his hands carelessly thrown around her waist, hers resting on his shoulders.

"We have to open that door, you know," she mumbled with a slight grin.

"And hex him to oblivion? I think it's safer for Moony if we don't," James replied, also grinning weakly.

"Prongs?" Remus called again. "Are you there?"

"Do you think he'll leave if you don't answer?"

James grinned, and nodded.

"What if it's important?"

He shrugged. "He can send me an owl."

"What if it's urgent?"

James frowned.

Lily sighed, and stood. Wordlessly, she handed James his shirt, and fixed her appearance a bit. There wasn't much she could do: her shirt was wrinkled, her lips were red and swollen, her hair was all messy, and her eyes clearly betrayed her frustration.

Well, that didn't matter – it didn't take a perceptive person to realise what had just happened. And Remus was definitely perceptive enough to know just how aggravated Lily and James were.

James pushed his chair closer to the desk, trying to block Remus' view of his pants. Oh, if Moony didn't come with a truly life-or-death crisis, his life would so be in jeopardy…

Lily threw him an impatient don't-bother-pretending look and opened the door with a spell.

"Hello," Remus greeted, smiling.

The couple threw him very nasty looks. Caught by surprise, he tried to understand what was going on; it didn't take him too long to figure it out, and a grin spread across his face.

"I just came here to remind you," he said innocently, "that Gideon's birthday starts in half an hour. Are you two coming?"

Lily's eyes widened. "Oh my… I had completely forgotten. Thank you, Moony. I have to go get ready. I'll – see you at the party?" she asked James.

"Yes, of course."

Lily left in a hurry. As soon as she left, Remus faced James, grinning. "Prongs –"

"When I'm in the mood, she teases me," he replied, exasperated. "When she's in the mood, I tease her… The first time we're both alone, and willing to do it, you stop us. Really, Moony, thanks."

"You're welcome," Remus retorted immediately. "Why don't you just break up with Julia, James? It'll be much easier –"

"No, okay? You and Sirius don't understand the way Lily's mind works. She's going to freak out if I break up with my girlfriend because of her. That will make Lily think I want commitment, and nothing scares her more than that."

"Can't you just tell her –"

"No, no. I'm going to have to keep dating Julia. Believe me; I would've preferred to pick only Lily… But I'm going to have to share her with that idiotic boyfriend of hers, and so she's going to share me with Jules. Not that I mind it that much, but whatever."

Remus shrugged – all the Marauders knew better than to argue with James when he was being this stubborn. And he was always incredibly stubborn about anything regarding Lily Evans. "All right. I have to go to the French Ministry to pick up something for Dumbledore now."

"I'll see you at the party, then."

"Bye, Prongs. And good luck."

"Thanks."

.................................................

That I would be good even when I'm overwhelmed

That I would be loved even when I was fuming

That I would be good even if I was clingy

That I would be good even if I lost sanity

That I would be good whether with or without you…

Alanis Morissette, "That I Would Be Good"

.................................................

"How can you two argue so much?"

Lily stopped herself from rolling her eyes. She'd been asked this very same question many times since going to the Ministry on Monday and demonstrating to most of the Aurors what it was like to be caught in the crossfire between James and her.

"We're just incompatible," she replied, cringing inwardly at her own hypocrisy.

Incompatible? Yeah, right. 'Too compatible' was more like it. Lily had never felt that kind of chemistry with anyone else. They weren't just like-minded or attuned; their bodies also moved in perfect synchrony, and –

'Don't, Lily. Not now – this is not the time or the place to think about that.'

Lily successfully pushed the thoughts away, but she couldn't resist glancing at James. It wasn't hard to spot him, even though the room was big, dim, and full of people. He was standing not far from her, surrounded by his three best friends.

And, of course, he was looking at her, too. Their eyes met, and Lily felt a shiver run down her spine. Oh, she wanted him… She had never wanted anyone this badly…

"Here," said a voice behind her. Lily turned to get the drink Valerie was offering her, and smoothly brought her friend into the circle.

"Valerie, these are Caradoc Dearborn, Sturgis Podmore, and Paula Caldwell. Guys, this is Valerie Dantès, one of the best French Aurors."

The three smiled at her.

"Oh, really, I'm not. But it's very nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Caradoc said warmly. "I've heard a lot about you, Miss Dantès."

Of course Valerie had no way of knowing it, but Lily had once talked about her during an Order meeting, trying to decide whether to invite her to join.

"I just don't get it," Paula said, resuming her previous line of questioning. "If you and James work so well together – and you can't deny that you do –, why don't you get along better? It doesn't make any sense!"

"It's not supposed to make sense, Paula," Lily replied impatiently. "That's just the way things are."

"I haven't met him yet," Valerie piped up with a smile. "I'm looking forward to it. Everyone says he's so nice, even though Lily claims he's so annoying…"

"He's not at all annoying, you'll see."

"Go ahead and talk to him… See for yourself," Lily suggested, grinning. Valerie knew very well that James was a wonderful, charming, and attractive guy – Lily had categorically said so, several times.

"Is he the one you keep glancing at every once in a while?"

Lily's grin broadened. "Yes."

"Okay, then."

Valerie walked to the boys, silently wondering whether this James Potter was as fantastic as Lily seemed to think. Val had had her share of trauma with guys who gave the impression of being really nice, and had turned out to be extremely unpleasant, or rude, or annoying… the list went on and on.

Take Charles Friedrich, for instance: a charming, talented Auror… He and Valerie had fallen in love years ago, and had been a typical on/off couple since, basically because he refused to consider the possibility of ever marrying her one day.

Valerie frowned. She would have to find a way to stay away from Charles. So what if she continued to see him every once in a while for a pleasant romp in the sheets? Her strong emotional attachment to him had to be severed as soon as possible! Their relationship had no future, and they both knew it.

And Bernard… Bernard was really a great guy. He was a lot more forthright and passionate than Charles, and had completely swept her off her feet. Valerie had really fallen head over heels for him…

But for unknown reasons she hadn't managed to forget all about Charles. How could she, when she met him almost every single day? They worked terribly close to each other! Of course they weren't in the same team (that would've been torture), but still…

Valerie sometimes wished she could act like Lily – just leave it all behind and run away, completely forgetting about the past… But she couldn't. It was too hard! So many of her fondest memories were tied to Charles! And she still cared about him, there was no doubt about it. She still loved him, probably. But she had to do her best to deal with these feelings and get rid of them as soon as possible.

Valerie approached the four boys with a broad grin on her face. Of course she instantly picked out James: his gaze wandered to Lily every few seconds with unmistakeable intensity and impatience.

Oh, yes, he was handsome. It was little wonder that both Lily and Julia, two of the most beautiful women Val had ever met, were helplessly attracted to this guy. There was just something about him… She felt it, too, but surely not as strongly as either of her friends.

Valerie instinctively decided how to behave around this guy. She couldn't give him any opportunity to become arrogant, so she would have to tease him a bit.

She would make Lily proud.

.................................................

The night is filled with pretty girls – dancing shoes and flying hair

None of them would refuse to follow you up the stairs

You could have your pick of them; why did you decide to pick me?

You promised me you'd stay away; you promised me you'd set me free

Pounding of my heart, trembling of my hands, some things I'll just never understand

You know what to do to me; you know what it does to me…

Carly Simon, "You know what to do"

.................................................

"Hello," she greeted them.

Four evaluating glances looked her over for a couple of seconds, and Valerie felt strangely proud when James and his friends smiled approvingly, clearly liking what they saw.

"Hi," said the sandy-haired one. "I'm –"

"Let me guess," Val interrupted him with a smile, "you're Remus Lupin… the smart one."

He raised his eyebrows, surprised. "Yes… And you are –"

"Valerie Dantès."

It only took him a second to make the connection. "Lily's French friend?"

"Yes."

He grinned. "Nice to meet you, Miss Dantès."

"Likewise. And you," she said, looking at shortest Marauder, "are Peter Pettigrew – the sensitive one."

He grinned broadly. "Yes, I guess so."

Valerie then looked at James and Sirius, faking indecision and confusion. They were both staring at her expectantly.

"Lily?" she called loudly, frowning.

Her best friend turned.

"Which of them is the cute, charming one?" Val asked, gesturing towards James and Sirius and hoping her friend would catch the hint.

Of course she did.

Lily laughed and pointed at Sirius.

Valerie smiled – oh, it was great to have perceptive friends…

"You're Sirius Black, then," she said with a smile.

He nodded, guffawing. James looked positively discomfited.

Obviously, Val didn't want to make the situation any better for him. "And you," she said at last, "are Lily's work colleague. Uh – Jimmy something, right?"

James gaped at her for a second, stunned. Was that all Lily had mentioned about him? No comments, no compliments, nothing? Was he just a trivial co-worker?

Lily was approaching the group with a very impish grin, anxious to see the results of her friend's little joke. James glowered, but she didn't seem to notice it. She stood between Sirius and him, directly in front of Valerie.

"Aw, Lil, Jimmy is kind of cute," Valerie said pensively, looking at James. "He doesn't seem all that dull."

James frowned. Lily was finding his reaction very amusing. He was actually taking this seriously! He actually thought that she'd managed to keep lying to her friends, like –

'Okay, scratch that.'

Of course she would have managed to lie to her friends, and he knew it. But the truth was that she had done that far too much in the past. She now thought that it was silly to hide this from her friends… Not to mention that it would certainly be useful to discuss this situation with Leylann, who had a more or less similar relationship with Sirius Black.

Valerie glanced at James' cross look (he was definitely taking her seriously), at Lily's face (she was fighting back a grin with difficulty), and then couldn't take it anymore: she burst out laughing. Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter followed suit.

James, a good sport, put an arm around her waist and playfully pulled her closer. "You sure can pick your friends," he said with a grin.

She smirked. "The look on your face was priceless, 'Jimmy'."

James' fingers tugged her dress lightly, idly stroking her waist. Why did it feel so normal, so bloody natural, to be around him like this? Lily had told Alain several times to keep his hands off her and even avoid kissing her in public… But right now she definitely wouldn't mind if James suddenly decided to –

Well, there wasn't much James could possibly want to do right now that would annoy her, under any circumstance.

"I'm sorry, James," Val said. "I really couldn't help myself."

"No problem," he replied dismissively.

"Well," Remus piped up suddenly. "I really have to go. I have to go to Paris to pick up my date."

"Paris?"

"Yeah."

"Who is she?"

"Oh, a French Auror – Sylvie Bonacieux."

Lily shook her head. "I've never –"

"I work with her!" Val squealed. "What a coincidence! That's so great! You guys are dating?"

"No, it's just – well, first date, you know," Remus replied with a grin. "Hopefully it won't take me too long to return. Bye, guys."

"Bye, Moony."

"Oh, and Lily?"

She looked at him, her expression carefully neutral. Oh, he'd better not mention what had happened earlier that evening…

"Don't drive him insane. If you can help it."

Lily laughed. "We'll see."

.................................................

Time is precious and it's slipping away; I've been waiting for you all my life

Nobody wants to be lonely – why don't you let me love you?

Can you hear my voice? Do you hear my song?

It's a serenade so your heart can find me

And suddenly, you're flying down the stairs, into my arms

Before I start going crazy, run to me, run to me, 'cause I'm dying…

Ricky Martin & Christina Aguilera, "Nobody wants to be lonely"

.................................................

James could sense from afar Remus' disapproval of his public display of affection. But damn it, he just couldn't help himself! Lily was standing right beside him, her laugh tickling his ears, her closeness wreaking havoc in his mind, her playful glances taunting him endlessly…

What did he care if the whole bloody world saw him hugging her? It sure as hell didn't bother James – as long as Julia wasn't around, that is. So what if everyone else thought they were having an affair or something?

He let his gaze rest on Lily. Merlin, she was beautiful. What had he done to deserve such a gorgeous woman? Surely she should have found a way to ignore him by now… But she hadn't, thankfully. She was still his, she still wanted him…

James hadn't tamed her, of course – he seriously doubted if anyone would ever manage to do that –, but… she had successfully tamed him. Lily had him completely under her control. He would do whatever it took to have her, whatever she wanted… and he would never, ever let her go…

Lily was talking to Sirius, but James knew that Padfoot only had her partial attention. James' fingers were still stroking her waist, and one of her hands was casually resting on his arm. They really weren't even trying to pretend there was just enmity between them…

Lily threw her head back and laughed at something Sirius had said. James’ breath caught as he saw something on her neck: a bite-mark. Oh, Merlin… How had Lily missed that? A simple spell would've taken care of it!

"Lily," he said softly.

She didn't turn to look at him, but James knew she was paying attention.

"On your neck, there's –"

Lily turned at last, a mischievous smile on her face. "I know."

James raised an eyebrow, and for a few seconds didn't quite know what to say. Merlin… the girl was walking around with his tooth marks on her neck and she didn't care? She had a boyfriend, for goodness' sake! Why wasn't she –

James groaned inwardly. He wasn't used to this kind of thing… Lily was so serious, and yet so kinky sometimes! He remembered very well that she had used to come up with the strangest ideas… Well, he did, too… And of course things never got boring.

There was really no way to resist such a girl.

.................................................

I've got more than a girl could wish for

I live my dreams, but it's not all they say

Still I believe I'm missing something real

I need someone who really sees me

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore…

The Corrs, "All The Love In the World"

.................................................

"You know, Lil," Sirius said softly, "there's something on your neck."

Valerie and Peter nodded, smiling. James had spotted Julia a few minutes ago and, to his great annoyance, had had to let go of Lily to spend time with his girlfriend.

Lily grinned. "I know."

Sirius chortled. "What, do you reckon that Prongs will consider it a turn-on? That you're proudly parading his bite-mark on your neck, not at all caring about what the rest of the world will think?"

She laughed.

"He does love it, you know."

"Yeah."

Poor James… he certainly wouldn't stop thinking about Lily while he was with Julia. Well, he always thought of Lily anyway, so…

Sirius inhaled sharply, and decided to ask the big question point-blank. "Are you still in love with James?"

"No," Lily answered instantly. "Really, no."

"It doesn't look like it."

"He – I'm just attracted to him, Sirius. That's all, I swear."

"Not even the teensiest bit of love left?"

"No!" she replied, annoyed. "Of course not! No way!"

Sirius' stomach lurched unpleasantly. Oh, shit.

Lily was scared of being in love with James – that much was terribly obvious. She was downright terrified. And she still wasn't sure whether their relationship would be purely physical.

Sirius knew for a fact that his best friend, despite all his claims of being over Lily, still had some feelings for her. Those feelings were often expressed in the weirdest ways – James' habit of preferring to work with redheads was one, and the incessant nitpicking of his girlfriends, subconsciously comparing them to Lily, was another.

"Why don't you care about your boyfriend? I mean – from what I hear, you've been fooling around with other guys for a while," Sirius continued.

Now, this was another big question. He had to try and understand how Lily's mind worked now… Sirius really didn't want James to get hurt again.

"Alain? Merlin, he's dull," she replied at once. She then looked significantly at Sirius. "And, to make matters worse, he's – mechanical. He can't do anything properly, you know. Absolutely nothing."

Her reply caught Sirius off guard. Why on earth was she dating a guy like that?

"Why are you with him, then?" Peter asked, puzzled.

Lily shrugged. "I guess I enjoy the security. And also, the respectability is useful."

Sirius nodded. Bloody marvellous.

Lily Evans, the oh-so-commitment-phobic ice queen, was in truth really incredibly pro-commitment. She was just so scared of being vulnerable that she forced herself to commit to guys about whom she didn't care.

Oh, yeah… James was surely going to remedy that.

"You should try and teach him, Lil," Valerie said with a smirk. "I'm sure he'll improve if you're patient."

Lily grimaced. "I'm not a patient girl, Val."

"I think –"

Valerie stopped talking abruptly, staring at someone behind Lily. What was he doing here?

"Hello, Val," the newcomer greeted brightly. "Hey, Lily."

He just stood there, looking at Valerie. Why did he always have to make her feel so weak? Why did his tanned skin have to look so touchable? Why did he always manage to look so helpless, so needy for comfort and love?

"Charles," Valerie said in a faint whisper. "What are you doing here?"

Oh, damn him! Of course he'd chosen to meet her when she was alone, and vulnerable… And he'd obviously be around all night, teasing her with his presence until she gave in… Really, there was no point in resisting. She was going to surrender at some point…

"Sirius, Peter," Lily said with a smile, "this is Charles Friedrich, one of the best French Chief Aurors. Charles, these are Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew."

Charles shook the two men's hands, but everyone could tell that the only person on his mind right now was Valerie.

She bit her lip, unsuccessfully trying to avoid his eyes.

If only Lily would do something, anything, to make her snap out of this trance! Valerie could feel herself sliding, helplessly succumbing to his fascination…

Charles approached Valerie and embraced her, tenderly kissing her forehead. In a reflex, she blindly searched for his lips, encircling his neck with her arms.

Lily sighed. It was always like this…

"They've been on and off for a long time," she quietly explained to Sirius. "She's just – never able to reject him. He's –"

She caught herself right before she disclosed needlessly revealing details that could apply to Valerie and Charles as much as to Lily and James.

Sirius noticed it, and grinned. He really had no reason to be worried. Lily and James had been waiting for each other all along.

It was really only a matter of time.

.................................................

10. Why don't we break up?

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 10

"Why don't we break up?"

.................................................

Why don't we talk about it?

Why do you always doubt that there can be a better way?

It doesn't make me want to stay...

Why don't we break up? There's nothing left to say

I've got my eyes shut, praying they won't stray

Oh, we're not sexed up, and that's what makes the difference today...

Robbie Williams, "Sexed Up"

.................................................

Alain Delacour was a nice guy; everybody thought so. All right, he had a few little flaws (who didn't?), but his many positive qualities more than made up for them.

One of those flaws was that he hated waking up early. Another was his often illogical, instinctive reasoning. For instance, even though he was a practical man and knew that everyone made mistakes, he insisted on maintaining high expectations regarding those surrounding him. Because of this, he was often disappointed.

At work, he was highly respected. Despite his tardiness, everyone knew he was a hard-working man. Of course he lacked Lily's brilliance and detachment and Sylvie's sharpness, but that didn't matter. He was one of the few Aurors who understood and effectively manoeuvred politics with expertise. One of his main tasks as a Chief Auror was to act as liaison between his colleagues and the Minister.

Lily Evans, a young girl fresh out of London training, had been the first person to correspond fully to his expectations. When she had first been assigned to his team, he had resisted her charms instinctively. Alain was one of those French Aurors who looked down on British ones, even though the latter were known to be the best, since most of the French lacked proficiency, and Americans, intuition.

But Lily... Lily had made him reconsider his prejudice. His utter incapability for strategy often forced him to depend on her to carry out any mission successfully. Slowly, he'd begun to respect her greatly, and, before he knew it, he had fallen in love with her. That had been a rather life-changing experience for Alain. Of course he'd been attracted to other women before, but these feelings were new.

When Alain had first met her, he'd been involved with Charlotte, a fascinating and downright breathtaking woman... But he had broken up with her without hesitation long before he had actually managed to start dating Lily.

Alain's feelings for Lily had caught him off guard. He'd stopped seeing her faults, watched over her protectively whenever he could (which wasn't often, unfortunately), and practically drooled when he was close to her.

Obviously, she'd noticed what was going on, but she had waited for a long time before responding to his advances. Later, Lily had explained that she had never gotten involved with a work colleague before. Near the end of the year, they had started going out.

Since then, Lily had been quite the perfect girlfriend. All right, she had a bit of a temper, and often needed more breathing space than Alain would have liked to give, but... Goodness, she was so beautiful, and witty! He was so proud of her brilliance, of the fact that everyone and everything in their world spun around her, including himself...

Alain had never understood why several people seemed to think she was sweet but provocative, and overall, tough. She had certainly never acted this way around him – and he, not everyone else, knew her for real.

Or at least he had used to.

Ever since Lily had started working in London, everything had changed. He felt like he didn't know her anymore. Not only did she keep shunning him, putting off his every attempt at tenderness, but she also refused to talk about her work... That led him to the perhaps exaggerated conclusion that she was ashamed of presenting him to her British friends.

Alain just had no idea what was going on in her life! How could he? She had cut him off completely! Her behaviour hurt him more than he wanted to admit, even to himself.

So Alain had made a rather rash decision. He had simply disappeared a few days ago, without leaving her any explanation. She still hadn't contacted him; she was probably too busy with work to care...

Maybe she was just too proud to admit that she'd made a mistake... But maybe – maybe she didn't really miss Alain... Maybe she just didn't care anymore...

What if Lily no longer loved him?

.................................................

Comme d'habitude, toute la journée

Je vais jouer à faire semblant

Comme d'habitude, je vais sourire

Comme d'habitude, je vais même rire

Comme d'habitude, enfin, je veux vivre...

Claude François, "Comme d'habitude"

.................................................

"M. Delacour?"

Alain looked up at the Auror standing respectfully in the doorway, startled by her arrival. Why was it so easy for him to space out when thinking about Lily?

"Yes, Mlle. Bonacieux?"

"London has sent word that the team will arrive in a few minutes. Whom should I call to work with you?"

Alain made a face. He still hadn't decided who would work with the British Aurors. Well, damn London and its bloody secrecy! He still didn't know how many were coming, let alone what their names or statuses were! All he was allowed to know was that they were going to plan the Minister's visit to England.

Jacques Neveu had told Alain several times that he wanted to improve the French Aurors' qualifications. The fastest way to do this seemed to be intensifying cooperation between them and London, but Alain wasn't too fond of this prospect. However, it wouldn't have been sensible to question the involvement of British Aurors in the security scheme of Neveu himself.

So Alain had been asked to lead a team to work with the British taskforce. He still hadn't chosen his Aurors, but that probably wouldn't be too hard... He sure as hell couldn't expect any of the oh-so-mighty Englishmen to speak intelligible French.

All right... which of the French Aurors spoke the best English?

"William Ryder," he said at once, looking at Bonacieux, who started writing the names down in a small notebook. Will was English – no problems there. "Valerie Dantès..."

Lily's best friend was a pretty good Auror. The Minister had asked him specifically to call young ones as well...

"Do you and your brother speak English well, Mlle. Bonacieux?"

She seemed surprised by his question. "Uh – well enough, I guess, sir."

"Excellent." The Bonacieux twins were some of the most promising young Aurors. "You should join the team as well, then. Oh, and call Katrina Fassbender. That should be enough."

"Should I lead the British to the conference room as soon as they arrive?"

"Yes, please. Well – actually, just leave instructions to direct them there. I want to speak with you all before they arrive."

"Yes, sir."

Sylvie Bonacieux left. After a few seconds, Alain got up and walked leisurely to the conference room. Who would come from England? He'd always avoided meeting British Aurors; a few years ago, he'd met a brilliant politician named Adrian Prewett... and then William Ryder had come to work in Paris... after that, Lily... Lily... Lily...

Alain entered the empty room, sat at the far end of the rectangular table, and waited. Slowly, the others arrived. Dominic Bonacieux was the first to arrive, soon followed by Katrina.

"Ryder's on a mission, sir," she said. "He'll come as soon as he returns."

"And Mlle. Dantès?"

"She's on her way."

Right then, Sylvie entered, chatting in English with a woman he'd never met. Alain scowled. He'd really wanted to brief his team before any British Aurors arrived... Well, it was too late now.

"Dorcas," said Sylvie, "allow me to introduce – Katrina Fassbender... My brother Dominic... And our Chief Auror, M. Alain Delacour. Sir, Kat, Dom, this is Dorcas Meadowes."

Unless Alain was very much mistaken, the look that Meadowes girl threw him was very odd, and perhaps slightly ironic. He stopped himself from frowning when he noticed her outfit. Did British standards allow women to wear that kind of clothes to work? Honestly!

Her long, bright orange skirt and floral blouse were incredibly offensive to the eyes. Her thick golden necklace with a disproportionably large pentacle pendant didn't match the rest at all... And, to make matters worse, her shiny red hair clashed horribly with all the other colors. Heavens, he'd get a headache if he had to work with that woman every day.

"Hi, everyone."

Alain, Katrina, and Dominic said "Hello," and Sylvie motioned for her to sit.

"Well, now, there you are," said an annoyed voice behind Dorcas. "I can't speak a bloody word in French and you left me all alone!"

"Sorry, Mel," Dorcas replied, turning to face the newcomer. "Well, you're here now, right? Look, this is Sylvie Bonacieux- she was at the party last night. Sylvie, this is Amelia Bones."

Amelia grinned and shook the girl's hand. "Hi."

"Hello. I guess I should –" Sylvie sighed, realising that she would have to play host from now on. "That's Katrina Fassbender; next to her is my brother, Dominic, and Alain Delacour."

This time, Alain really didn't think he was being paranoid. Upon hearing his name, Amelia glanced questioningly at him and then at Dorcas, who nodded imperceptibly. He became even more suspicious... What on earth was going on?

"Well, hi – I'm Amelia Bones."

Well, at least this one wore normal wizard robes. That wasn't too bad.

"Do you want some water?" Sylvie offered, swishing her wand to conjure a glass.

"Sure."

Loud male voices speaking in rapid, seemingly annoyed French were heard in the hallway. Everybody watched the door, waiting to see who was coming.

Two men, now silent, entered the room. One of them was one of the highest-level French Chief Aurors, Charles Friedrich. The other was a man Alain did not know; he was tall, with messy black hair and an exceedingly arrogant poise.

Alain quickly decided that he did not like this man.

"Well, thanks for nothing," said the arrogant one with a slight grin.

Charles hesitated for a second, and then laughed. "Merlin, James, you're incorrigible."

"I'm just not used to the French way of things, that's all. It was nice meeting you again, Charles."

"Likewise." Charles said, shaking James' hand. "I hope you get something done today."

"So do I."

Charles turned to look at the others. "Good luck, everyone. Oh, of course... Allow me to introduce to you one of the best Aurors I've ever met: James Potter. James, this is Katrina Fassbender."

James grinned and nodded hello. She couldn't help but giggle, and Alain rolled his eyes. There were few things about a guy that annoyed him more than the sickening ability to charm girls at first sight.

"Sylvie Bonacieux," Charles continued. "Oh, right – she was there last –"

"Yes, we've already met," she interrupted him, grinning. "Hello, James."

"Sylvie," he greeted with a warm smile. "It's wonderful to see you again."

They hugged.

Dominic was throwing James a rather annoyed look. The nerve of this Potter guy – flirting with the girl right in front of her brother!

"Her brother, Dominic..." Charles added hastily, noticing the frostiness in the young man's gaze.

"M. Bonacieux," James said respectfully, shaking his hand with a grin. "I've seen your Montmartre strategy – it's brilliant. I'd like to have a chat with you about it someday."

Dominic's face lightened up instantly, and he grinned broadly. "Please, call me 'Dom' – everyone does. I'd be honoured, Mr. Potter." His eyes widened; he seemed to suddenly realise something, and added, "You're practically a legend among strategists, sir."

James waved dismissively. Dominic was staring at him, having just realised that he was the James Potter.

"And that," Charles hesitated slightly. "That is Alain Delacour, the Chief Auror in charge here."

Oh, there was certainly no mistaking it this time... That Potter guy was quite shocked to meet Alain.

"M. Delacour," he said with a slight nod. Alain didn't stretch out his hand, and neither did James.

"Mr. Potter," Alain replied evenly.

With a grin, Charles noticed that Alain was the only team member James hadn't bothered to win over – quite surprisingly.

"Well, I should go now. Have a good day, everyone."

.................................................

Elle se dessine sous des jupes fendues

Et je devine des histoires defendues, c'est comme ça

Tellement si belle quand elle sort

Tellement si belle, je l'aime tellement si fort

Elle a les yeux revolver; elle a le regard qui tue

Elle a tiré la première, m'a touché, c'est foutu...

Marc Lavoine, "Yeux Revolver"

.................................................

After Charles left, everyone continued staring at James. He didn't seem to mind being the centre of attention.

"Well," he began, "we'll have to –"

"I don't believe it!" a voice behind him squealed delightfully. "You’re the British Aurors working with us?"

Valerie stepped forward, hugged Dorcas and Amelia, and then turned to face James.

"Have you met – everyone?" she asked with a meaningful smirk. Alain had the distinct impression that she was talking about him.

"Yes, I have."

Val nodded. "Is – the rest of the team coming as well?"

Alain didn't know to whom she was referring, but a suspicion began to form in the back of his mind. What if –

"But of course," James answered in French with a boyish grin. "The two girls are just running some last-minute errands."

"You sound so sexy when you speak in French!" Dorcas said, smiling. "I didn't know you were so fluent."

Alain noticed Sylvie's coy smile and a faint blush on Katrina's cheeks... No woman in the room disagreed with Dorcas' statement.

James grinned – oh, he was probably used to receiving comments like this. "Did you get any sleep last night, Val?"

Katrina's eyes shot jealous daggers at Valerie. She noticed it, and laughed. Sylvie and Dorcas were grinning. Amelia was quietly sipping her glass of water, not understanding a word of what was being said. Dominic seemed oddly absent-minded, probably convinced that the oh-so-grand James Potter could do no wrong.

"I didn't, really, but... James," Valerie replied, "Do you really want my friends to envy me all that much? They might get the impression that the most handsome British Auror is –"

"What you don't need," a new voice piped from the doorway, "is to inflate James Potter's ego even more with comments like that."

Alain's heart skipped a beat. He knew that voice – he knew it very well.

Lily Evans entered the room with all that grace and poise of hers, immediately attracting the stare of every male in the room, including James. Ah, now that was elegance: her baby pink split skirt, white blouse, and delicate jewellery radiated classiness.

"Good morning to you too," Val said cheekily.

"Good morning, Val," Lily replied in French, and threw everyone in the room an evaluating glance. "Let's see – you... Alain... and who are you?"

"Katrina Fassbender."

"Lily Evans, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too."

"Sylvie... and I don't know you, either. Are you Sylvie's brother?"

He nodded mutely.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Lily Evans."

She smiled at him, and Alain jealously remarked that she paid more attention to Bonacieux than she had to her own boyfriend.

Dom was staring at her, positively awestruck. Alain had met many men spellbound by Lily, but this was the first time that he'd actually seen her work her fascination on someone he knew.

"I've seen your Montmartre strategy, M. Bonacieux," she added smoothly. "It's very ingenious."

"Thank – thank you," he stuttered, still staring. "Please call me 'Dom'."

"All right, Dom," Lily replied, her voice suave. She then turned to Alain. "You didn't call Will?"

He spoke for the first time since she'd entered. "He's coming soon."

Amelia was staring blankly at them. "I don't understand a word of French, Lil," she said quietly. "But I wouldn't mind it if you just switched to English when you talk to me."

"Ah, non, pas du tout!" Sylvie replied immediately. "No, Miss Bones – we all speak English here. It would be most unfair to speak in French. Even though," she added with a slight grin, "I wouldn't object to listening to James' French a bit more."

He laughed. All the girls seemed enraptured by the sound – except for Lily, who rolled her eyes and shook her head, grimacing. Alain felt a surge of pride and relief. Thankfully, at least she was immune to the man's charm...

"Evans..." Katrina muttered pensively, "Potter-Evans! You two are Potter and Evans? Like, the strategists?"

Lily nodded.

"You guys made the P.E. strategies? Are you serious? Everyone who takes Advanced Strategy has to study them now! They're, like, flawless!"

James smiled. "They are not flawless, Mlle. Fassbender. Some of them – especially our earlier work, before Lily came to London – are in fact quite imperfect. Just because you study them –"

"They are role models," Lily intervened. "Mere examples. Certainly not something you should strive to copy. This 'P.E.' nonsense –"

"– you can see she's still upset because they put my name first –"

Lily glared at James. "– just creates an illusion that we're old scholars with nothing better to do than sit around in a dusty office creating crazy strategies. We just do what we can with the profiles we're given."

"Do you do field work?"

"Not as often as we'd like, unfortunately. But," James glanced at Lily, "that'll hopefully change soon."

She smiled and nodded. "I'll go hand it in soon, after everyone starts working."

"Okay."

"It must be incredible," Dom said, "you two are geniuses... Imagine what it must be like... How fortunate that you two work together!"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "It was no coincidence, Dom. I left France specifically to work with James."

"Oh."

Everyone was staring at her, obviously stunned by the statement. James didn't seem to be impressed.

"But that 'incredible' thing... That is a slight –"

Dorcas hurried to interrupt her. "– lie. They argue all day long, non-stop."

"But – their scenarios –" Dom began, confused.

"The thing is," Lily explained, "we're co-Heads of Strategy, and because of that we depend on each other's consent to get anything done."

"And she never approves of anything I do if she finds the slightest flaw."

"So what? That's good, no?"

"Oh, it's excellent. But it drives them crazy," James replied, gesturing to the other women of his team.

"Of course it does! Why do you always have to yell so much? Why can't you just solve your issues normally?" Amelia protested.

"But we're not normal! How can you expect us to –"

"You act normal around us. Why can't you at least be civil?"

"We yell, Amelia. That's what we do."

"But," Dorcas pointed out, "you didn't yell last night."

Valerie tilted her head with a smile. "Or maybe you did... We just weren't around to hear."

Lily and James threw her a stupefied look. Amelia choked on her glass of water, and Dorcas gaped at Val, who, having just realised what she'd said, clapped her hand to her mouth.

.................................................

Comme si je n'éxistais pas, elle est passée à côté de moi

Sans un regarde, reine de Sabbat...

J'ai dit, "Aïcha, prends, tout est pour toi!

Voici les perles, les bijoux, aussi l'or autour de ton cou

Les fruits bien mûrs au gout de miel; ma vie, Aïcha, si tu m'aimes..."

Khaled, "Aïcha"

.................................................

"I – I didn't –"

"Don't let Julia hear you choke like that, Mel," James said with a good-natured smile. "Or you'll get me in trouble."

Amelia nodded mutely, suppressing a grin. She didn't really know what had happened the night before – for obvious reasons, she hadn't attended Gideon Prewett's party –, but something surely had.

There was a brief pause, during which Alain, Katrina and Dominic continued looking at Lily and James with did-she-mean-what-I-think-she-meant looks on their faces.

Alain wondered, not for the first time, what exactly this guy's relationship with Lily was. He felt something was going on; what, he had no idea, but James Potter had made several alarm bells ring in his mind.

No one bothered clarifying anything. Lily was a bit annoyed; she was taking the blame (credit?) for something she hadn't even been close to –

Oh, all right. Lily had certainly been close to shagging James last night, but the point was that she hadn't. Unfortunately.

"We should really start," she said suddenly, with ease Alain certainly didn't feel. "Did you bring –?"

James frowned. "I thought you –"

"I said –"

"No, but –"

"You had only –"

"I arrived –"

"You have got –"

"Excuse me? I did not –"

"Why do I always –"

"That's got nothing –"

"But of course it does! I'm positive –"

"Well, you're –"

"No way! I told –"

Everyone was watching Lily and James' argument, which got louder every second. No one had quite understood what was going on, but, by the look on the couple's faces, they could all tell that something was terribly wrong.

Alain didn't fully understand why neither bothered to finish their sentences. How could Lily and James have gotten to know each other that well in just a few weeks?

"You're –"

"We need –"

"Why don't –"

"No, you –"

"Hey, you two! HEY! Stop arguing!"

They turned to look at Amelia. Lily's hand immediately went up to massage her temple. James frowned and took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

"I have a headache," Lily mumbled.

"I second that," he said.

Valerie grinned. "Well, don't we all? No one needs all this yelling, you guys, come on."

"The good thing about partying with the boss," Dorcas said cheekily, "is that no one gets yelled at for coming to work with a hangover."

Lily smiled feebly. "Where is Marlene? I desperately need some of that potion of hers."

James looked at her curiously. "You should know, Lily..."

"Well, I do know where she is, but I have no idea of when she's going to get here."

"Would you mind –?"

"All right."

Lily walked to the door, wondering whether she should Apparate to the office or send Marlene an owl.

"An owl would take too long," James said, reading her mind – as usual.

She turned and approached him. "Yeah, I know."

"While you're at –"

"Okay, no problem. But I still maintain –"

"Oh, go to hell."

"I'm already in it," Lily snapped, glaring at him. "This is your fault."

"Isn't it always? No, Lily. You said no such thing – I don't know why you're so sure –"

"Oh, but I did."

"You're wrong."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are –"

"Oh, for crying out loud! Can't you just stop yelling for once?" Marlene asked, entering the room. "You've been at it since, what, six in the morning?"

Lily grinned. "Five, actually. We started work early today."

Marlene shook her head.

"Lene, please tell me you were that adorable, thoughtful person we all know and love –"

Marlene blinked innocently. "I – I guess not. Why? Was I supposed to do something?"

James groaned. "Please tell me you're joking."

She laughed. "Of course I'm joking. Who needs HCP?" she asked, grabbing a few small bottles from her purse. Not waiting for an answer, she threw one to all her teammates, as well as to Valerie and Sylvie.

Lily hurried to drink hers. The warm, soothing magic working its way through her body sharply enhanced her senses for a few moments, and she was painfully aware of James' closeness. She knew he was feeling it, too... And, in truth, Alain's presence was the only thing keeping him from doing something.

"Here are the papers, you guys," Marlene continued, removing a big stack of papers and pieces of parchment from her purse, which was clearly spelled to be more spacious than it seemed.

Lily and James stared at her. "Where did you get those?"

"They were on Dorcas' desk. I figured she'd forgotten to bring them, since they obviously refer to Neveu's visit."

"Well... thank you. We were just talking about them – we thought –"

"It doesn't matter," James intervened. "Thanks, Lene. Lily, how are we going to –"

"Well... I think five –"

"It's reasonable. Pairs?"

"Remember? They have –"

He grimaced. "We'll –"

"Yeah."

"All right."

"Okay, so that's it," Lily said to everyone.

"Uh... Lil, we didn't really understand – well, anything," Val replied hesitantly. "At least I didn't."

James grinned. His complicity with Lily was exasperating Alain to no end. How dare this guy –

"We have a huge list of things to do, so you'll get to choose a few items to work on, divided into pairs. I think we'll choose the pairings, for the sake of expediency. We just have to wrap up the final details of this list; it won't take too long."

Lily and James sat across from each other at the table and got out a few pieces of parchment, discussing them quietly. Alain couldn't quite make out their words, but they were certainly work-related. He wasn't sure whether James' ability of sobering up when necessary made him feel relieved or annoyed.

A flutter of bird wings sounded behind them. James turned to look at the window, and grinned at the incoming owl.

"Hey," he said, holding out his hand to get the mail.

"Kayk," Lily called without turning around. "Here."

The owl made an abrupt turn on his way to James and gave Lily the envelope.

"It's my owl," James protested. "He's not supposed to obey you like this!"

Lily smiled, stroking Kayk’s wing. The owl bit the tip of her finger affectionately. "If you didn't get so annoyed every time I did it, James, I would probably have stopped a long time ago."

"And, since he knows that perfectly well," added a new voice, "one can only suppose that, deep inside, he likes it when you steal his owl's affection from him."

Lily laughed and quickly stood to embrace the newcomer. "Remus! I wasn't sure you'd make it. Everyone, this is Remus Lupin. He's not an Auror, but he's collaborating with us on this mission. Moony, these are Valerie –"

"Hi!"

"Hey!"

"And Sylvie, obviously –"

"Hey," he greeted her, grinning.

"Hey..."

"Then Katrina Fassbender –"

"Hello, nice to meet you."

"Hello."

Lily threw James a questioning glance, and he mouthed something to her discreetly. She apparently understood. "This is Sylvie's brother Dominic, and –" again that damned hesitation Alain still hadn't completely understood, "Alain Delacour."

Remus' eyes darted quickly from Alain to Lily, and back to Alain, comprehension dawning on his face. Well, all these people evidently knew that he was her boyfriend. Alan just didn't know why it was that much of a problem.

"Have a seat, Moony. We're eleven now," she said, sitting across James and looking at him.

"No, twelve," he replied, showing her the letter. "We are soon to be joined by Mr. Black."

Lily seemed torn between delight and disapproval, but smiled nonetheless. "Wonderful. He told me that he’d try to come."

Remus sat beside Sylvie and squeezed her hand tenderly. They smiled at each other, and he kissed her lightly. Dominic looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"You guys are killing me with cuteness here," Lily whined, making a face.

They laughed and resumed their antics.

After a few moments, James tilted his chair back on two legs, yawning. "There. My part is done."

"Mine too."

"So – I guess we –"

"Yeah."

"Do you think –"

"Nah, he won't –"

"Okay."

"You know," Remus pointed out conversationally, "you guys should really stop interrupting each other like that when you're around other people. We really have no way of knowing what you're talking about, and it's very annoying."

"Sor – sorry, Moony," Lily replied, yawning. "It's a habit."

"You should –" James began with a smile.

"Okay," she agreed, standing.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Sorry!" Lily repeated, chuckling, after realising what she had just done. "Do you want to go with me, Moony? I have to get a document from the Minister."

"Sure."

.................................................

On a vu souvent rechair le feu

D'un ancient volcan qu'on croyait trop vieux

Il est, paraît-il, de terres brûlées

Donnant plus de blé qu'un meilleur avril

Et quand vient le soir, pour qu'un ciel flamboie

Le rouge et le noir, ne s'épousent-ils pas

Ne me quitte pas...

Jacques Brel, "Ne me quitte pas"

.................................................

The room was uncomfortably silent after Lily left. Everyone was staring either at James or the floor, and his gaze was fixed on the parchment on which she had been working. Alain's mind was running wildly, trying to understand what was happening. Who was this guy? Why did Lily seem so at ease around him? She didn't look so stressed now – she didn't look at all overworked. Well, maybe her arguments with Potter were what forced her to take home so much work...

Suddenly, Lily's owl flew to the windowsill. Kayk hooted and flew over to stand beside her. Alain noticed that Myrie was carrying an envelope.

"Hey," he said, waving to try and get her attention. "Hey!"

The owl didn't move. James looked up when he heard Alain's voice.

"Myrie," he called softly.

She immediately went to him and dropped the letter on the desk. Alain glowered, but James didn't seem to notice; he was too busy examining the contents of the envelope.

"Shit," he muttered.

A few seconds later, Lily entered, laughing with Remus. She froze when she surveyed the scene before her.

James grinned, noticing her reaction. "Ah, revenge is sweet."

Lily clenched her jaw. "Myrie," she called through gritted teeth, "you're not supposed to obey him!"

The owl hooted and fluttered her wings cheerfully.

"Give it up, Lilikins," Remus said with a smile. "Myrie's known James for as long as you have. You can't expect her to ignore him."

What did this Lupin mean? Alain was truly beginning to hate James Potter! Alain had known Myrie for much longer than he had, and she didn't obey him! What the hell –

"It's been, what, thirteen years?" James asked, stroking Myrie's head. "I really don't know why you're still surprised, Lily."

Alain fought hard not to gape. Thirteen years? Lily – Lily and this – they – thirteen years? Why – how – what –

"Thirteen years?" she echoed with a grimace. "Seven... then six... Yeah, that's it. Merlin... that's a long time. I've known you for over half of my life!"

"The better half," he said, grinning.

She laughed. "There's no doubt about that."

"I want to start working," James complained out of the blue. "When is Sirius arriving? Moony?"

"No idea. I haven't spoken to him since yesterday."

"Me neither."

"I did," Lily said. James and Remus looked at her, startled. "I talked to him this morning."

"Where? When?"

"Breakfast," she replied with a grin.

Alain grimaced. Either Lily was fooling around with not only Potter but also with this Sirius guy... or she was really just joking. The latter possibility didn't seem very plausible, but – even if she cheated on Alain, she wouldn't be this blatant about it, would she?

"When did you –"

Lily's grin broadened when she noticed James' confusion. "Leylann's!"

"Oh."

"Hello, everyone. Missed me?" asked a loud voice coming from the hallway. Alain assumed that it belonged to Sirius.

"Not really, Padfoot," Lily replied, smiling at him.

Sirius gaped, mockingly horrified. "Oh, you're going to pay for that, Miss Evans."

He approached Lily and ticked her until she gave in to helpless laughter. "Okay, okay, of course I missed you!" she admitted, struggling to free herself from his grasp. "Now stop! Sirius! Come on!"

"Go on," he said, laughing. "I'm waiting."

"Uh... I don't know how – how I managed to survive this long without you!" she gasped between giggles.

"That's good; continue..."

"I – I don't – James!"

James Potter was watching the scene with vivid amusement. Hearing his name, he met Lily's eyes lazily, not at all willing to help.

All it took for James to change his mind was a significant glare.

"Let go of her, Padfoot," he demanded at once. "Now."

Sirius made a face and complied, knowing all too well that James wouldn't hesitate before hexing him if he didn't. "You are so whipped," he muttered with a snort. "Really, Prongs."

James grinned and said nothing.

Two voices, chatting happily in English, came from the hallway, drawing closer.

"Tell James I'll be there in a few minutes."

"All right."

Lily recognised the first voice instantly, and the other – ugh, no...

With a shudder, she realised that the second voice belonged to pretty much the last person she wanted to meet right now.

Lily threw James a quizzical look, and he smiled apologetically, with a look of feigned innocence that didn't fool her for a second.

Oh, he knew! James had probably found out a long time ago that this was going to happen, and he hadn't said anything! Damn him, damn him, damn him!

Well, if James had thought that Lily would work in peace with Julia Rutilia and Kate Malshirn, he was very much mistaken.

.................................................

11. Warring Hearts

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 11

"Warring Hearts"

.................................................

Thought that I would fail without you, but I'm on top

Thought it would be over by now, but it won't stop

Thought that I would self-destruct, but I'm still here

Even in my years to come, I'm still gonna be here

I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up…

Destiny's Child, "Survivor"

.................................................

"What are you doing here, Evans?"

The disgust and animosity in Kate Malshirn's voice was blatant. Lily faced the newcomer, clenching her fists and glowering.

Alain stared at his girlfriend with amazement. Boy, if he'd been on the receiving end of that glare, he would probably have fled as fast as he could. What had this girl done to receive such withering hatred?

James grimaced. He had always tried to prevent this meeting from happening. Lily really hated Kate – understandably.

"What are you doing here, Malshirn?"

"I was sent here by the Minister himself," she replied snootily, putting her hands on her hips. "You?"

"I'm one of the Chief Aurors in charge."

Kate nodded slowly and turned to James. "Well, Jamie, it looks like you're going to have to make a choice."

"Okay, girls, look –"

Lily snorted, recognising his conciliatory tone. "I'm not working with her."

"And I'm not working with her," Kate hurried to echo.

"But look, we're all professionals, right?" he tried to pacify them. "I'm sure we can –"

"Screw professionalism!" Kate exclaimed. "I'm not working with Lily Evans, and that's that!"

Lily turned to James. "I can't, I'm sorry," she said with misleading calmness. "If she stays… I'll have to go."

"You need me here, Jamie – the Minister chose me personally."

"Merlin… What did I do to deserve this?" James muttered, frowning.

The two girls stared at him, disbelieving. "Excuse me?" they shrieked in near unison.

James raised his arms defensively. "It was rhetorical!"

"We really have no time to lose, James," Lily stated. "Please make up your mind."

"I –"

James didn't really know what to do. Of course he preferred working with Lily – there was certainly no doubt about that –, but he knew that the Carl Bennett, the English Minister, could be very irritable when people messed with his favourite subordinates. And Kate Malshirn, unfortunately, happened to be his current mistress.

Nevertheless, James was no modest Ministry worker. He knew very well that the Minister needed Lily and him in their current positions. But he also knew that no one should challenge Bennett lightly…

There was really only one thing to do.

"I'll be right back," James said resolutely, standing. He had to try to find a diplomatic solution to this dilemma, and that would probably involve talking to Bennett himself.

Lily and Kate scowled.

"Don't kill each other while I'm gone, if possible."

The two girls stared after him, both surprised and offended by his indecisiveness.

"Well, Evans," Kate spat with evident abhorrence, "it looks like Jamie's no longer as biased as he used to be."

"Yes… You choose your bed buddies well."

"I do, don't I? Your envy entertains me immensely."

Lily's hollow, ironic laugh was downright frightening to most of the people in the room. "Do you really think I envy you? Why on earth –"

"Oh, but of course you envy me! Unlike you, I can have any guy I want." Kate's eyes twinkled with malicious satisfaction. "Including any of your boyfriends, just in case you forgot."

Lily bit her lower lip to prevent herself from snapping. After taking a deep breath, she said simply, "I haven’t forgotten."

"Oh, I definitely see that. I mean, really. All these years have gone by, and you two still haven't moved on – since our fifth year! Eight years, Evans. Eight years. One would think you would have learned –"

"I was –"

"Please – face the facts. I single-handedly ruined your life, and made you spend the last six years in emotional hell."

"No. I moved on, Malshirn."

Lily paused for a second to ponder that she really didn't care about just how truthful she was around Kate. All that mattered was revenge. Lily had to humiliate her in all ways possible.

"And I didn't fail to notice," she continued with a slight grin, "that you haven't managed to get your filthy claws on him since Hogwarts."

.................................................

I feel surrounded, confounded, emotionally dumbfounded

To think you've nearly won your game

You say you had a girl with problems – did it lead to heartache and confusion?

Did you wake up in tears, not knowing where you are?

Did you get it in the ear, like I did? I bet she never told you

Everything that drifted through her mind, all the secret thoughts…

Craig David, "Woman Trouble"

.................................................

"You bitch," Kate hissed through gritted teeth. "I didn't get to him because I didn't want to get to him! I can seduce him any –"

Lily smiled with ferocious delight. "Oh, but you can't. Anyway, that's not really any of my business anymore, now is it?"

"'Over him,' are you?"

"Yes," she replied coolly.

"Oh, sure."

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"So you wouldn't care if I fucked him right in front of you, right? You wouldn't care if I did all sort of things to your boyfriend on your sheets, effortlessly removing any thoughts of you from his head, making him call out my name instead –"

"Shut up," Lily whispered fiercely, clenching her fists. She couldn't help herself; she knew that it was an unforgivable mistake to let Kate know that the sickening boasting was affecting her, but –'

"Because I did that, you know," Kate continued spitefully, "I made him say he loved me – I made him swear you meant nothing to him… Nothing…"

Instinctively, Lily raised her hand and slapped Kate forcefully, who staggered back a few steps, surprised.

"Don't. You. Dare –"

Before Lily could finish her sentence, Kate had already regained her balance and was lunging towards her. Her long, pointed nails cut Lily's neck, drawing out blood.

She grimaced in pain when Kate grabbed a handful of hair and pulled it. Lily then slapped her once more – these last few weeks of intense practice with James had really improved her techniques –, and Kate reeled. The impact of one final slap threw her to the ground.

Absolutely furious, the blonde tried to stand one more time.

"You are a witch, you know," a voice from the door said with amusement.

Lily threw James a sideways glance. He was watching the scene with a carefully neutral facial expression, but his eyes betrayed his glee. She then grabbed her wand, and pointed it at Kate, who froze.

"You don't want to start a duel with me, Malshirn," Lily warned, breathing heavily. "You really don't."

"She has a point," James agreed cheekily.

Kate glared at him. Oh, why did he always have to take her side? Knowing fully well that she didn't stand a chance against Lily, she chose to change the subject. "Have you decided yet, Jamie?"

"I have, actually."

Lily was rearranging her appearance with a few charms, healing her gash and tidying her hair. Her gaze locked with James' when she heard his statement, and his content hazel eyes immediately reassured her. She certainly wasn't the one leaving.

"So?"

"You're going to have to leave, Kate."

"But – but you need me here! Carl himself said he wanted me to come! You can’t do without me!"

James glanced at Lily, who seemed quite smug, and grinned. Her eyes twinkled with amusement and delight – nothing could please her more right now than watching Kate’s humiliation.

He faced Kate once more. Her white-blonde hair was in disarray, and she was still visibly furious with Lily. Merlin, why had he ever switched Lily for her? Of course the girl had her appeal, but she was so utterly shallow!

No, there was no mistaking it this time. He would never choose Kate Malshirn over Lily again. Ever.

"Watch me."

.................................................

These fickle, fuddled words confuse me, like, "Will it rain today?"

We waste the hours with talking, talking – these twisted games we're playing

Oh, we're strange allies, with warring hearts, what wild-eyed beast you be

The space between our wicked lies is where we hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again? But will I hold…?

Dave Matthew's Band, "The Space Between"

.................................................

"Look, Kate, the Minister wants you to work elsewhere with two members of this team to plan the political manoeuvres involved in Neveu's visit – one British, one French."

"Two Aurors? I'll –"

"I guess you need to be introduced to the team members, then," James continued, not heeding her interruption.

"Oh, we've already met," Alain said, all of a sudden.

Everyone stared at him, surprised. They had been watching all that was going on between James, Lily, and Kate dazedly. It was weird for one of the spectators to start participating in the confrontation.

"Wha– what?"

Kate turned to Lily, not understanding the latter's confusion. "Alain is my French counterpart. We've been working together for a while. In fact, he's definitely going to have to be one of the team members I'm taking with me."

Lily laughed dryly. "Well, look at that."

"What?"

"One doesn't always get the chance to ruin a girl's life twice…" she muttered, shaking her head. "Alain's my boyfriend, Malshirn."

Kate gaped for a few seconds, and then cackled delightfully. "You have got to be kidding me."

Lily's gaze hardened. She didn't care whether Kate seduced Alain! She just wanted the girl to leave the room, and go somewhere far, far away from James. "Get out, Malshirn. Now."

"Come on, Al," Kate called with a playful smile. "We have a lot of work to do."

Alain stood and walked to her. He didn't quite know the whole story behind Kate's animosity towards Lily, but he had noticed that James hated the girl. And any enemy of James Potter's was Alain's potential best friend.

"I'd also like working with Julia, if you don't mind, Jamie," Kate said. "Please send her over to me when she arrives."

James nodded curtly.

Kate grabbed Alain's hand, making sure his girlfriend noticed it, and yanked him towards the door.

As soon as they left the room, James glanced at Lily, grinning broadly.

"Was I supposed to care about that?" she asked, smirking. "Like, at all?"

He chuckled.

"So, Lil," Sirius piped up with a smile, "how does it feel?"

"What?"

"Come on – you've been waiting for six years to slap Kate Malshirn like that!"

"Oh, that," she replied, chuckling. "Yeah… That was awesome."

James was staring at Lily in a way that she found quite disturbing. Their gazes locked for a few seconds, but she was forced to look away – it wasn't hard to guess what he was thinking.

Why was he still able to throw her off balance, even after all these years? It made no sense. And why couldn't he stop thinking about… inappropriate activities while they were at work?

"So," she said suddenly, looking at everyone. "Shall we start?"

"Yeah, Lil, sure… We're just waiting for you to tell us what to do."

She frowned. "Right. Okay. We'll just –"

"There's someone coming," Sirius interrupted, pointing at the door.

Lily threw him an exasperate look. That acute hearing of his was a nuisance sometimes. They'd never get anything done if these interruptions continued!

To Lily's utter frustration, Alain entered the room seconds later.

"Kate had to go to London," he muttered to no one in particular, sitting at his previous place.

"Okay," Lily continued, slightly aggravated. "So, like I said, we're working in pairs. There's this big list here, and each pair will choose five or six items. Let me see – Remus, go ahead, work with Sylvie. Sirius and Katrina… Marlene, you're with Dominic… Amelia and Val… Dorcas and Alain… And that's it. When Julia and Will arrive, they'll be together."

Dorcas… oh no. Lily had to be kidding.

The hippie-wannabe chick smiled brightly and sat beside Alain.

"What about you?" he snapped at Lily, glowering.

Lily didn't even bother glaring at him or appearing upset. "I work with James," she replied calmly, putting the list on top of the table. "Go ahead, everyone. Choose your items and start working."

Val glanced at the parchment and gasped. "This is too much! How many days will we–?"

"Days?" James intervened with a smile. "No, Val. Hours. And we intend on leaving as soon as possible – possibly around three PM."

"It's impossible! Plus, even if each pair takes six items, there will still be dozens –"

"We'll manage," Lily replied at once.

Amelia threw Valerie a look. "You've always said that you wanted to work with Lily and James… Well, this is what it's like."

"Yup," Dorcas agreed, giving Alain a funny look. "Work is all we do in that office."

.................................................

(Do you know? Everybody knows now…)

Some girls are all about it; some girls, they love to let it fly

Some girls can't live without it; some girls are born to make you cry (…)

They get you climbing the walls, they get you caught in their spell

They get you speaking in tongues – could this be heaven or hell?

To fall in love twice a day is such a sweet place to be, s'il vous plaît…

Aerosmith, "Girls Of Summer"

.................................................

All the insinuating jokes were starting to annoy Lily. Oh, come on, was it really so blatant? For goodness' sake, she hadn't slept with James in years! So what if one could cut the sexual tension with a knife? So what if he was all she could think about? So what if it didn't take more than a look or a brief touch to send shivers down her spine?

It wasn't fair, what her teammates were doing to Lily and James! Alain was getting suspicious – not that she cared much about that fact, but whatever –, and Julia certainly would notice something was going on as soon as she arrived.

Oh, of course they'd only really noticed how bad the situation was during the party the previous night. After a few drinks, James had been visibly eager to get rid of Julia. Everyone noticed that the situation had amused Lily; she had enjoyed taunting him, and had remained there with friends after his departure, much to his disappointment.

"What the hell is happening, Lily?" Alain growled in Deutsch, glaring at James. "What is it with you and this guy?"

Her Deutsch was not very fluent, and Alain knew that. But it was the only language that no one in the room knew… And he didn't want to be even more humiliated by making a scene.

But, right now, Lily did not want to speak secretively to him.

"We'll talk later," she coldly replied in English.

James threw her a look, and she smiled.

'Oh… Mr. Boring is jealous! Poor thing…'

Lily bit her lower lip to suppress a giggle. She was perfectly aware of James's opinion of Alain: an incompetent fool who should have known better than to date a girl so obviously out of his league.

Obviously, he was of the opinion that Lily was way out of every guy's league… Except for James Potter himself, of course.

For a few moments, the only noises in the room were of quills scratching parchment. Everybody seemed to be waiting for someone to break the silence. Lily and James were looking into each other's eyes with playful grins, each daring the other to make the first move.

She kept messing with her hair, twirling it idly. He amused himself by sending short but unmistakeable wordless messages to her. It wasn't hard: all it took was a significant glance or a half-gesture.

It was becoming increasingly hard for Lily not to burst out laughing. There was a delighted twinkle in her eyes, and James was beginning to wonder why on earth they had agreed to work in France for a day. If they had been in the office, she wouldn't have resisted his advances.

Sylvie leaned closer to Remus. "Why don't they bother pretending nothing's happening?" she whispered.

He grinned. "Do you really think they care about what other people think? James has found his match – and the chase is really all that matters to him now."

"It's odd."

Remus nodded. "Well, they've always been odd."

"I think –"

Sylvie abruptly stopped talking.

Lily and James had suddenly begun acting all business-like; they had quickly conjured a 3D map of Godric's Hollow beside the table and were standing next to it. They then started discussing, and shooting coloured lights at the scenario every few seconds with spells.

As usual, it didn't take them long to start arguing again.

Lily folded her arms over her chest and glared at James. "No! I'm positive –"

He snorted. Normally – if anyone but Lily had said that sentence, that is –, he would have been able to keep his cool. But not around her.

His behaviour changed completely whenever they were together. He couldn't help but make a scene, all the while wanting to snog her senseless. Oh, why did she always bring out the teenager in him with such ease?

And why wouldn't she leave his mind, no matter what he did?

.................................................

A faire l'amour sur des malentendus

On vit toujours des moments defendus, c'est comme ça

Tellement si femme quand elle mord

Tellement si femme, je l'aime tellement si fort

Elle a les yeux revolver; elle a le regard qui tue

Elle a tiré la première; elle m'a touché, c'est foutu

Son corps s'achève sous des draps inconnus

Et moi, je rêve des gestes defendus, c'est comme ça…

Marc Lavoine, "Yeux Revolver"

.................................................

"If we –"

"No, it's –"

"Obviously, they –"

"Absolutely! It's –"

"Nah, we –"

"I just –"

"He will –"

"No, he –"

"But of course –"

"Yes! Jeez, we –"

"No! It's –"

"I could kiss you right now," James said under his breath, staring at her with a broad grin. "Just how necessary is our presence here anyway?"

"We have a lot of work…" Lily muttered, smirking naughtily.

"We can handle it."

"Not if we –"

"No matter what, we can."

She frowned. "No. We can't."

"Of course we can, and you know it."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"You guys are really annoying!" Remus exclaimed. "Merlin! Please, enough with the yelling!"

James glanced at Moony, and then at Lily. There was really only one thing to do. Swishing his wand, he created a solid, soundproof barrier between the table and their workspace.

Lily laughed. "You're insane."

"Uh-huh," he agreed with a grin. "Now –"

"If you think I'm going to do anything –"

"Now, why on earth would I think that?"

"My boyfriend's twenty feet away."

"I think you care about that as much as I do – that is, not at all."

"But – work – we –"

"Work schmurk," he replied, looking at her with avid eyes. In his one-tracked mind, he could probably already see Lily expectantly lying on his bed, undressed and covered from head to toe in honey. They had used to do that kind of thing frequently while still at Hogwarts, but not so much these days anymore.

"James, come on… Stop…"

"Or else…?"

She grinned devilishly. "Or else… you're not getting any for a month."

He snorted. "Right."

Well, his incredulity hadn't been unexpected. They both knew that it would be impossible to continue living like this. The tension would have to be released eventually…

Just not like this, Lily thought forlornly. Not like this…

"I might as well," she said all of a sudden, "make a potion in order to help me keep the promise."

James grimaced.

"Or," she added with an evil cackle and a raised eyebrow, "I should give you a potion! You know – if things don't work properly, you'll stop bugging me."

He looked positively horrified. "Oh, no! No, no…"

.................................................

What's taking you so long?

I'm getting extra impatient waiting for you to tell a nigga to move on (…)

Bend over, you know how we do it, feet to shoulders

Bring heat to coldest night, so ferocious (…) loving the way you be moaning

Gripping the sheets, looking at me, licking at me, and it's crazy

But baby, I love it when I'm with you…

Ashanti & Ja Rule, "Mesmerize"

.................................................

"That would be incredibly unfair!"

"Why is that?"

"You're a very, very attractive girl," he said, lightly brushing his fingers against her neck. "You can't really blame a guy for trying."

"James…"

He walked a step closer. Lily could now feel his breath on her neck, the warmth of his arms enveloping her, his voice ticking her ear… "Yes?"

Oh, crap. A small part of her still felt detached enough to acknowledge the mushiness overwhelming her brain, the heat sweeping through her like waves of passion and yearning… And now here she was, yet again, losing control of her actions, once more allowing him to –

"Do you want me to go?" James teased, pulling her to him and brushing his lips against her neck and cheek. "If you want me to stop, just say the word…."

"I – Merlin – James…"

"What is it, you're worried about work? Do you think that ten minutes will make that much of a difference?"

"The others –"

"They won't get through the barrier, I promise."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," he replied at once, kissing her. Sliding his hand up her thigh, he firmly held her close. James could feel her giving in, as usual – she was beginning to surrender to her instincts, to the unexplainably consuming sensations only he could inspire…

Well, of course he understood it – he felt the same thing.

After a few seconds, much to his annoyance, Lily started shifting uncomfortably, until she pushed him away altogether.

"No," she muttered, soberly looking into his eyes. "Not now, James. We have a lot of work to do."

"Just –"

"No," Lily repeated. Oh, she had that inflexible no-nonsense look on her face – it was useless to oppose her now.

Damn.

"All right," James acquiesced with a sigh.

He groaned inwardly. Why did he have to want her this badly? Why her, why the only girl who was able to resist him? It wasn't fair!

She knelt on the floor and gestured for him to follow suit. James stubbornly remained standing, sulking.

Lily laughed. "Aw," she cooed. "Don't be childish. Come on…"

He sat beside her grudgingly and crossly glared at the floor.

Lily made her way to James with a coy smile and sat on his lap, facing him and wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Lil…" he groaned. "Please make up your mind…"

"You looked so crestfallen," she whispered, nibbling on his ear. "I couldn't possibly –"

James shut her up with a kiss and pushed her back a little with his torso, noticing with a smile that she was trying her best to conceal her delight. He didn't know whom her feeble act of resistance was meant to convince, but it wasn't working for either of them.

"Oh, hi, Julia!" Sirius' voice, strident and unnaturally cheery, came from the other side of the barrier and startled the couple.

"Julia's here," Lily snapped forcefully, snatching James' hand from underneath her blouse.

"Never mind her," he replied, playfully licking her neck. "I'll dump her soon enough anyway…"

Lily threw her head back a little to allow him better access, but her hands tried to stop him from touching her. "James…"

"Just – five minutes…"

"Hmm…"

She was almost giving in once more when Sirius' voice interrupted them again. "They're over there," he was practically yelling. "Right behind the sound barrier – you know what that's like, they kept fighting and some of us were trying to work."

"Shit – James!"

"All right, all right!" he snarled, defensively raising his arms. Man, he really hated Julia right now…

Lily frowned and fixed both of their appearances with some charms. She was getting really good at that… Soon she would be able to do it in about five seconds.

James lay down with a sigh and stared at the ceiling.

"Sit up, come on."

"Sirius is the one who's coming, not her."

"So?"

"Do you really think he believes we've been working all along?"

Lily gave him a look.

"I'm just saying!"

"But still!"

Right then, Sirius knocked, and James allowed him to enter.

"Sorry," he began with a half-smile. "I was just trying to forewarn you guys."

"Yeah, we know. Thanks, Padfoot."

"Julia's waiting for instructions outside."

"I'll be right out. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Sirius turned and left. Lily glanced at James; he'd been attentively watching her all along.

"We're pathetic," she breathed out, frustrated.

"Yes, we are," he agreed, standing and offering her a hand. "But then again, we’ve always been."

.................................................

It's not her fault that she's so irresistible

But all the damage she's caused isn't fixable (…)

In front of your eyes, I'm invisible, but you've got to know small things also count

You better put your feet on the ground, and see what it's about

Objection! I don't want to be the exception to get a bit of your attention

I love you for free and I'm not your mother, but you don't even bother

Objection! I'm tired of this triangle…

Shakira, "Objection"

.................................................

Julia grinned when James finally came through the barrier, looking preoccupied and slightly nervous. Oh, never mind the fact that he barely glanced at her… His very presence made her feel all warm inside.

He always made life seem a lot better – he always brightened her day. Even after all this time, she couldn't help but feel a rush of tenderness every time he smiled, every time he held her hand… James made her feel safe, and loved.

"Hey, Jules," he greeted. Was he tired? His voice sounded weary…

James leaned to kiss her, and she heaved an inward sigh. Now, he was actually a pretty good kisser, but Julia didn't really enjoy it all that much. He was way too… intense sometimes. He didn't seem capable of a simple peck, or a chaste kiss on the cheek. Everything was always so extreme!

Julia didn't really understand why he was like that, but, as usual, she pulled back after five seconds, before they could technically start snogging. James wasn't surprised – she did that all the time –, but she could sense his frustration.

Well, what did he expect? They were surrounded by tons of people! She couldn't just let him kiss her like that in front of everyone!

Both James and Julia's gazes focused on Lily, who was only now coming out of the secluded portion of the room.

"Hello," Julia said cheerfully.

"Hey!" Lily replied with a bright smile.

James instantly guessed that she was furious and incredibly annoyed. See, to turn him down by sheer will power was one thing; to be interrupted by his galling girlfriend was another altogether. The occurrence of the latter had forced them to stop way too abruptly, much to their aggravation.

James knew that right now Lily was blaming herself for not giving in to him earlier. After all, they would have had time to do quite a bit more if she had done that… Oh, everyone probably believed that her smile was genuine – well, maybe not Sirius –, but she would never fool him.

"Jules, you remember Sylvie…" Lily began, gesturing towards the table. "That's her brother, Dominic… You've met Alain, right? Yeah, and that's Katrina."

Julia smiled warmly at each one, and they nodded hello. Alain stared at her. He vaguely remembered this beautiful woman – unless he was very much mistaken, she had visited Lily in France a long time ago.

"You can – pick a pair to join for now," Lily continued. "Will's arriving soon, and then you'll work with him."

"Who’s that?"

"He's an English Auror who works here in Paris."

"All right, nice."

A polite cough made them all turn to look at the door.

The short witch wearing thick, gold-framed spectacles standing there laughed nervously. Her long nails lightly ran across the doorway, producing an annoying high-pitched sound.

Most people in the room knew her, and scowled. Few Ministry workers liked the Daily Prophet reporters, and least of all Rita Skeeter.

"May I help you?" James asked after a few seconds.

"Yes. I'm looking for… Mr. and Mrs. Potter."

He blankly stared at her for a few seconds. What the hell –?

"I'm James Potter," he replied, knowing fully well that she was aware of that. "But I’m not married."

Both Julia and Lily were staring at him, obviously puzzled. Everyone else was looking at Skeeter, waiting for clarification.

She laughed. "Well now, Mr. Potter, don't worry. The cat's out of the bag. You and your wife won the Most Attractive Auror contest."

James' stomach gave an unpleasant jolt. Something was terribly wrong. "I – I'm not married," he repeated weakly. Rita Skeeter could cause him a huge amount of trouble if she decided to spread this silliness around the Ministry…

Lily glanced at Sirius; he looked horribly guilty. She began getting a really bad feeling. Skeeter wasn't saying this lightly… Oh, what had Black done this time?

"Oh, but you are. Everyone knows it now – it's useless to keep on pretending. See, I have a copy of your marriage certificate right here – you married Miss Lily Evans on February 14, 1972, in the village of Hogsmeade."

.................................................

12. So much for my happy ending

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 12

"So much for my happy ending"

.................................................

You were all the things I thought I knew, and I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted…

We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it

All the memories, so close to me, just fade away

All this time you were pretending – so much for my happy ending!

Avril Lavigne, "(So Much For) My Happy Ending"

.................................................

"Mr. Potter, you married Miss Evans on February 14, 1972, in the village of Hogsmeade," Rita Skeeter repeated with a cheesy grin. "It says so right here. Why have you kept your marriage a secret for so long?"

James was staring blankly at her. He really had no idea what the Daily Prophet reporter was talking about, and he was pretty sure that his alleged wife didn't, either. What on earth was happening?

"I think you're mistaken, Ms. Skeeter," Lily said calmly. The coolness in her voice brought James back to reality, and he began to see the situation with sharp clarity.

Yes, of course Rita was lying. Even though he, of course, had wanted to propose Lily at the time, they had not gotten married while still at Hogwarts! It was an absurd thought.

Rita had already placed her Quick-Quotes quill on an empty scroll, and was anxiously observing the couple.

After a few seconds, she chuckled. "It's pointless to avoid the truth, Mrs. Potter. As you should know, the MAA results came out this morning, and were included in today's Prophet. I was just wondering if I could get an exclusive interview for the next edition of Witch Weekly."

"We have nothing to say," James replied, warily watching the vivid green quill zooming across the parchment.

"Well, are you happy about being elected the Most Attractive Aurors?"

"Yes, but –" Lily began.

"Will that cause you any problems as a couple? I mean, people are bound to try and approach –"

"No, Miss Skeeter, because we are not –"

"Oh, you're one of those liberal couples. In fact, Mrs. Potter, I heard you actually chose to work in another country. Did that jeopardize your relationship?"

"It couldn't –"

"Wonderful! But then again, your feelings for each other must be very strong. I mean, nearly seven years! That's a lot! What's your secret?"

"Skeeter!" James replied, frowning. "We. Are. Not. Married. Which part of that did you fail to –?"

Rita smiled with fake understanding. "The wizarding world comprehends your desire for secrecy, Mr. Potter. But everyone knows it now. In fact, I'm surprised you've managed to conceal this from the public for so long – but then again, you're some of our best Aurors."

"Please," he began despairingly. "Listen to me for just one second. I don't know what kind of misunderstanding happened, but I can assure you that Lily and I are not married."

He glanced at Lily for support, but she was looking elsewhere. Her furious, hawk-like gaze was now fixed on Sirius' guilty facial expression. She appeared to have found the source of all the trouble.

"Sirius," she began softly, with deceptive serenity. "What the hell have you done?"

Upon hearing this, James turned to look at his best friend as well. Oh, yes… He had most certainly arranged this. To anyone else, Sirius seemed (as always) like an angel of charm and alluring innocence. But to anyone who knew him… no, he was guilty. He definitely had a hand in this.

"Oh, can I get a statement from your best friend? Was he best man at the wedding?"

"There was no –"

Rita threw Lily an exasperated look. "Do you want a copy of your own marriage certificate, Mrs. Potter?"

"Uh… yes, that would be nice."

The reporter swished her wand and duplicated the document, handing a copy to Lily. "So? Do you admit it now?"

Lily peered over the document with shock. It surely seemed authentic, but there had to be something wrong! How could Rita have faked this? And, most importantly, why would she have done it? Lily and James' personal lives as coveted and available singles were much more interesting!

"Two in the morning?" she said after a few seconds. "How could we have gotten married at two in the morning?"

Rita shrugged. "In our world, there are many ways of getting married, besides signing a piece of parchment… I would like to hear the story of that great day, by the way! Valentine's Day is a very romantic occasion… How was it?"

Lily was visibly trying to remember what had happened that day. Well, she had most certainly been dating James at the time. But he had never even been close to proposing!

"We were – in Hogsmeade, yes," she muttered to herself.

James looked at her with surprise. What was Lily doing? Didn't she know that Rita's quill was hanging on to their every word?

"What happened, James? I can't –"

"Er… we didn't get married, that's for sure."

"Yes, but – well, we studied marriage in Magical Civil Law, remember? Maybe we did something that night… I just – can't remember what that could've been…" she continued, frowning in confusion.

"We didn't form a circle, Lily! For all of those ceremonies, we had to form a circle with at least seven wizards or witches!"

"I know, it's just –" Lily sighed, and shook her head.

"Wait a minute…" James said suddenly. His face paled considerably as he started recalling the night's events. "Oh, shit…"

.................................................

It's nice to know that you were there

Thanks for acting like you cared and making me feel like I was the only one

It's nice to know we had it all – thanks for watching as I fall

And letting me know we were done!

He was everything, everything that I wanted…

Avril Lavigne, "(So Much For) My Happy Ending"

.................................................

Lily turned to face James, her eyes flashing. "What?" she hissed.

"Sirius and Remus… their respective girlfriends… and Peter… with us, that makes seven… They –"

"Oh, Merlin…" she moaned all of a sudden. "They walked in on – oh, bloody hell! How come we never –?"

"We didn't realise it had happened… We never bothered to get an annulment."

She ran her fingers through her hair, shaking her head with irritation. "It's too late for that; we're going to have to get a divorce."

Julia stood and walked to them, clearly flabbergasted.

"So… You're really married?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "I – I – you – I never –"

James rolled his eyes. "We didn't know, Jules."

"Well, you do now!" she replied at once. "So you have to go get a divorce! Right?"

He glanced at Lily, who nodded with a shrug. "Yeah."

"So!" Rita squealed happily. James noticed that her quill hadn't been taking notes for the past few minutes. Now, however, it was beginning to write again. "You two… drank a bit too much, perhaps? And decided to celebrate your union surrounded by friends in the romantic village of Hogsmeade? What a nice idea."

"We weren't drunk," Lily muttered. She already knew that Skeeter would write whatever she wanted… They would just have to deal with the consequences.

"And now you're going through a crisis in your marriage… Well, it's only natural – you've been together for a long time. How do you deal with your husband's infidelity, Mrs. Potter?"

"I don't –"

"Are you the accepting, forgiving wife –?"

James snorted and grinned broadly at that, and Rita's eyes glinted. She was finally getting somewhere.

"Or do you take an aggressive stand, getting lovers as well to get back at him?"

Lily smiled and seemed to ponder the question. It was useless to fight this situation – the best she could do was have some fun, at least.

"Oh, no, I date a lot, too. Sticks and stones, you know."

Rita sighed contentedly. The couple was finally admitting the truth. "Can you give us any names?"

"Nah," Lily said with a wink. "I don't want them to get in trouble; some of them have girlfriends and all."

James approached Lily and muttered something in her ear.

She laughed. "You're right; he's going to get in trouble… Well, there's nothing I can do about that now. Poor guy."

"Mr. Potter, do you two have problems working together?"

He shrugged. "We argue sometimes, but we've always worked extraordinarily well together."

"Why do you sign your strategies 'Potter-Evans' and not just 'Potters'?"

Lily chuckled. "We'll remedy that soon."

"Yes, there's no need for secrecy anymore."

"Exactly."

"And," Rita focused now on Julia, "Miss Rutilia? I assume you're Mr. Potter's current affair. Did he ever tell you he was married?"

"No."

"Are you surprised?"

"Yes, of course."

"Does it break your heart to know that he's loved another woman all along? It must feel awful – you have my sympathy."

Julia clenched her jaw, clearly trying to stop her tears. "He said – he told me he'll divorce her soon."

Rita shook her head despondently. "They all say that, darling."

Lily and James couldn't believe Julia's reaction. Hadn't she seen that they had just found out about the marriage? How could she be so gullible?

"Miss Skeeter?" Lily asked sweetly.

Rita turned to her.

"You caught us – I admit it. We'd be delighted to give you whatever information you may want, but the truth is… Right now, we have a lot of work. We won't be long here in France. Would you mind if we talked in London?"

Rita blinked and checked her watch. "I have to hand this in at noon tomorrow."

James grinned. "Excellent. We'll meet in the morning – how's that?"

The reporter smiled as well. "Wonderful. I'll be in touch. See you tomorrow, then."

"See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

.................................................

You've got your dumb friends; I know what they say

They tell you I'm difficult, but so are they!

But they don't know me – do they even know you?

All the things you hide from me, all the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew, and I thought we could be…

Avril Lavigne, "(So Much For) My Happy Ending"

.................................................

The moment Rita left the room, Lily and James turned to look at Sirius. They had no doubt that he had been the reason that Skeeter had found out about their marriage. The question was how he had discovered that in first place, and why he had decided to pass on that information.

"Spill it, Sirius," James said soberly, looking into his best friend's eyes. "What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Right."

"No, really! I had no idea you guys were married! I just found out, too!”

Lily sighed. "Sirius, stop it."

"I'm telling the truth! Really!"

"Well, it's obvious you're guilty of at least part of this mess. It's useless to deny it – will you just confess already?"

"I – I… Look. I did nothing. I just – spread a little rumour, that's all. It's not my fault Skeeter decided to check it out and discovered that you're really married!"

"Why on earth did you –"

"I overheard Fabian talking to Cyrus… They were saying that you'd easily win the MAA this year. They were wondering if there was anything that anyone could do to give you some real competition – me, that is," Sirius added with a sly grin.

James snorted, and Lily smiled.

"Anyway… I interrupted them – I had just noticed that they were really on to something. Of course I just wanted to help you win this one," he hurried to say, "but they didn't know that. So I agreed with their plan to spread a rumour that you were, in fact, married. Naturally, Lily was the most obvious and believable choice for your fake wife."

"Naturally," she echoed with a sigh, sitting at the desk and dully staring at the opposite wall.

"If everyone believed you were married, they wouldn't vote for you – or so the guys thought. In my opinion, the hearsay would put you in the spotlight, and more people would choose you. As for Skeeter… well, she has eyes and ears everywhere, so I'm not surprised she heard about this."

"And that was how long ago?"

"The day before yesterday."

Julia was staring at Sirius like she'd never seen him before. "What do you mean, 'the most obvious and believable choice'? I think that would be me, Sirius. Why on earth would anyone think –"

"Jules –" James began.

"No, no, no!" she shrieked, gritting her teeth.

Everyone gawked. Julia was always such a controlled, sweet girl! She had never, ever freaked out like this before.

"I'm sick and tired of all these bloody insinuations! I know Lily and James dated for a long time; I know they were in love. For Merlin's sake, I was at Hogwarts with them! I remember! But why anyone would think that there's any chance that they can still have any kind of relationship is beyond me! They clearly dislike each other!"

Lily and James were absolutely bewildered by her outburst. They had no idea that the situation had annoyed Julia this much.

"Sirius knows that," James said softly, gazing into her eyes with as much tenderness as he could muster. "He's just picking on me."

Julia nodded, drained.

"Excuse me," Dorcas said quietly from the other side of the desk. "I know you guys are in the middle of an important discussion and all, but you have a meeting with Bennett in three minutes."

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed, standing. "I'd completely forgotten."

"We really should get going… Jules, I'm sorry, we'll talk later."

Julia nodded once more.

"Where can we Apparate?" James asked Lily.

She laughed. "Wherever we want… There are no specific Apparition areas."

James blinked, confused. "But – security – it's insane…"

Lily sighed. "I know. Welcome to the French Ministry."

.................................................

Something isn't right, I can feel it again… this isn't the first time you left me waiting

Sad excuses and false hopes tied – I saw this coming; I don't know why I let you in

I knew it all along; so predictable, I knew something would go wrong

You don't have to call, or say anything at all… So predictable!

Something did go wrong, something's always wrong…

Good Charlotte, "Predictable"

.................................................

Lily and James' gazes locked for a brief moment. She nodded, and they Disapparated with a small pop.

"What's – how can they get along so well? Since when do they have all this complicity? Why do you guys tease them so much?" Julia wailed, sitting and burying her head in her hands.

"Listen, Julia," Remus said softly, feeling truly sorry for the poor girl. "If you manage to spend, I don't know, ten years or so with someone, listening to his every thought, hanging onto his every word, staying in tune with his every feeling, you might just get to know the guy half as well as Lily and James know each other. It's creepy, really. I've never seen anything like it."

"But that doesn't mean they – they still have feelings for each other, does it? I mean –"

"No, of course not," Sirius replied earnestly, even though he was almost certain that his statement was a complete lie. "They just know each other incredibly well, that's all."

"But don't you remember? They used to bicker a lot before they –"

"They're over that. Really."

"Then why do they keep getting under each others’ skin so often? James' self-control is usually so good!"

Sirius grinned broadly. "Imagine working every single day with someone who can read your thoughts and predict all your reactions… It would drive anyone crazy!"

She sighed. "I don't understand James – or Lily, for that matter! It makes no sense!"

"Don't try– just leave it to them… They understand each other, they always have."

"We should get back to work, guys," Valerie piped up suddenly, eyeing Alain with caution. She hadn't seen him this angry in a long time – it was kind of scary. His face had literally changed colour.

"You're right," Remus agreed at once. "Julia, why don't you work with Amelia and Valerie?"

"Okay," she replied meekly. Julia was apparently back to her old self… Oh, poor thing! Remus knew that she was the biggest victim in the entire situation – even more so than Alain, who hadn't managed to hang on to Lily.

But then again… Alain wasn't guilty, either. There was no one to blame for the whole affair – no one but Lily and James themselves.

And even so… Were they guilty? Remus didn't think that either would have liked to get involved in that mess again.

Yes, it had been inevitable. Fate.

.................................................

You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you're being pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down, but no one's there to save you

No, you don't know what it's like… Welcome to my life!

Simple Plan, "Welcome to my life"

.................................................

Remus sighed and looked at Sylvie, who was sitting beside him. Remus really liked the girl… She was usually very sharp, but also sweet at times. Above all, she seemed to like him, too – and that's where his problems began.

Remus was terrified of becoming attached to girls. His sporadic relationships rarely lasted for more than a couple of months – and he suffered immensely at the end of each. It was awfully easy for him to grow dependent on and close to someone… And then he got hurt.

He'd tried telling a few of his past girlfriends about his lycanthropy. They had all been shocked – some had them had begun to shy away after expressing their compassion; others had tried to act understanding… but things had never been the same after the revelation. So now Remus had learned his lesson. He could never tell anyone else. Ever.

Yes. Always being alone, never having true intimacy with anyone – that was his curse. The Wolf forced him to be separate from everyone else… even though Remus needed them desperately.

But together, they were enough. He didn't need human reasoning – he craved no human values. His instincts, more developed than human ones, were more than enough…

No, no, no! What was he thinking? Why did his mind have to go through this constant struggle all the time? How many times would he have to repeat to himself that he was first and foremost a human being? His reasoning was worth more to him than any of his instincts!

It's easy to say that now…

Remus shuddered involuntarily. Oh, he remembered how easy it was to let the Wolf take over. The pain of the transformation brought out the worse in him – it wasn't hard to let go of his human mind.

Not that Remus liked it… it was just uncontrollable. Even now, seven days away from the full moon, he could still feel it… Remus was essentially different from everyone, and his day-to-day feelings expressed it effortlessly: Sylvie's sweet scent trickled his nostrils, a distant cry in another Ministry office made part of his mind wander, trying to figure out what was happening…

Blood…

The familiar smell jolted all his body cells into a state of moderate euphoria. Remus tiredly acknowledged that his heart was beating faster, and his thin, pale hands had feverishly clasped the quill.

Stop it. There's nothing you can do about it now.

"Ow, I cut my finger," Remus heard Katrina muttering, very, very far away.

He then heard Sylvie taking a deep breath and saw her opening her mouth to say something. Remus forced himself to listen.

"Do you think that they might try to breach our defences through this window?" Sylvie asked, pointing to the parchment.

Remus sighed. He definitely didn't share Lily and James' gift for strategy, but spending a lot of time around them had certainly taught him a thing or two. "Yes, probably. It wouldn't be too hard to block them, though."

"Yeah, we just have to strengthen the charm in this wall."

"Exactly."

She turned to look him in the eye. "Are you okay?"

On the other side of the table, Sirius' head snapped up, and he narrowed his eyes. Remus could tell that his friend was quickly calculating how far away the full moon was.

One week.

Remus didn't need to calculate anything – he didn't even need to think. The phases of the moon ran in his blood. He could feel the dreaded date looming closer as easily as he could breathe, or think.

From the very first time they'd met, his days with Sylvie had already been counted. Perhaps he'd manage to fool her for one month, maybe even two… Certainly not more than that.

"Yeah… I'm fine."

"I can tell there's something wrong," she replied caringly. "But it's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

Damn it. Sensitive girls often annoyed Remus. Well, there was obviously something wrong – in seven days, he was going to become a monster! A monster who wouldn't think twice before devouring even Sylvie herself, if she came close to him!

Remus hated the Wolf with all his might, but it was a part of him. He fought hard to suppress it… but it was impossible.

His last girlfriend had brought out the Wolf more than any other. She liked it more than she did Remus himself; she only let him have his way with her after seeing the amber flashing in his eyes, the fierce animal instinct breaking through his rigid self-control…

No, Remus couldn't have continued to let the Wolf take over that often. He had broken up with her after a scary incident involving blood play, an experience he wasn't at all anxious to relive.

And now he had Sylvie. Sharp, intelligent, sensitive and lovable Sylvie… No, their relationship couldn't last. Remus couldn't let her get much closer to him. She would get hurt – he would end up hurting her. And, once more, the guilt would be almost too much to bear.

"We'll talk later," he replied after a while. "Let's finish working on this first."

She nodded, looking at him curiously. Had she done something wrong? Had – oh, Merlin, had Dominic had that talk with Remus behind her back somehow? Sylvie had warned her brother several times not to interfere in her relationships… But he always ended up doing it anyway. It was so aggravating!

Remus looked around the table. Sirius and Katrina were talking excitedly – he was clearly flirting with her, and not getting much work done. Dorcas was trying to get Alain's attention, but he was visibly too irritated to work. Marlene and Dominic had stopped discussing and writing to observe the other people at the table. Amelia and Valerie were consoling Julia.

Oh, Lily and James would be thrilled to see how much work had been done in their absence.

.................................................

Lui, il t'observe, du coin de l'oeil; toi, tu t'énerves, dans ton fauteil

Lui, te caresse, du fond des yeux; toi, tu te laisses prendre à son jeu

Et moi dans mon coin, si je ne dis rien, je remarque toute chose

Et moi dans mon coin, je ronge mon frein, en voyant venir la fin...

Charles Aznavour, "Et moi dans mon coin"

.................................................

"Son of a bitch!"

Lily's growl attracted everybody's attention. She had Apparated in the room all of a sudden, looking dangerously furious.

"Who? James?" Valerie asked tentatively.

Lily was rummaging through some papers with alarming urgency, and didn't seem to notice the question. Sirius therefore decided to answer it for her.

"No. Lily never insults James' mother – she knows he hates it."

"But – but doesn't she want to irritate him?"

"Oh, of course not."

Valerie threw Sirius an are-you-kidding-me look, and he laughed.

"They argue just for fun. They don't actually want to get the other angry."

"Is that so, Lily?"

The redhead was frowning, still examining the papers Marlene had brought from the office. Once more, she dutifully ignored her friend's question.

"Trust me," Sirius laughed. "They’re like little kids, teasing and poking each other with sticks until one of them surrenders."

Val grinned. "I see."

"Bastard."

Lily turned at once to look at James, who had just Apparated. Valerie shook her head – well, of course Lily had stopped whatever she was doing at once to pay attention to him.

"Can you believe him?" Lily said, giving James the paper which she'd been looking for since her arrival. "It's, like –"

He examined it carefully, shaking his head. "So inconsequential."

"Absurd!"

"Downright insane!"

"Exactly."

"Ugh," he spat. "If this gets –"

"I know; I'll take care of it."

"He –"

"True. But –"

"That's precisely my –"

"Obviously… Don't worry."

"Are you –"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"But then again, what can you expect from a man who takes Kate Malshirn as his mistress?"

James smiled. "What do you mean? A man can't plead temporary insanity?"

"Well, you can do whatever you want – just don't tell me Bennett was in his right mind ten minutes ago, because he wasn't."

"I know. Are you sure you're going to quit your job here in Paris? I mean, now, especially, you might need –"

"No, I have enough gold saved in Gringotts. I can't stand working here anymore, it's too disorganised!"

"You're saying Paris is disorganised?" James asked, surprised. "After hearing the British Minister saying he'll cancel all the funding for your team?"

Lily shrugged. "I've always appreciated challenges. I just can't dedicate myself fully to London while maintaining the French post… Myrie!"

The owl left the windowsill and flew to the table. Lily quickly scribbled a short note to Jacques Neveu and gave Myrie instructions on where to find him.

James turned to face the rest of them. "So, are you guys done?"

"Are you kidding?" Val asked, almost choking.

He frowned. "No."

"But – but – it's too little time!"

"Are you two even close to being done with your work?" Alain sputtered angrily. "How can you ask us to –?"

James' eyes flashed angrily. "We are working. M. Delacour… but we can't devote our entire time to developing strategies – we actually have other things to do as well. But I guarantee you that we will finish our part long before most, if not all, of you. So please mind your own business and worry about your own work – if that's not already too much for you to handle."

"Whoa," Sylvie muttered. "Can't those two just pretend – just a little bit – that they're not insanely jealous about Lily?"

Remus shook his head slightly. "James has always been that way around her… He tolerated it if Sirius or I made some playful comment, but that was all. No other guy was even allowed to look at her for too long."

"And what does she think?"

"Lily doesn't mind it much, I don’t think… Or at least she didn't use to – I'm not so sure what she thinks nowadays."

"I see."

Alain followed Lily's every movement with watchful suspicion. He clenched his fists when James put his hand on her waist for a bit longer than necessary (purposefully, of course) before leading her to their private part of the room.

From then on, the solid barrier protected the couple from Alain's scrutiny, but of course he couldn't help but imagine what was going on in there…

Oh, if Potter even considered making a move, Alain would certainly kill him.

.................................................

One minute I wanna slit your throat the next I wanna sex

You make me crazy the way we act like two maniacs in the sack

We fight like two jack rabbits, and maybe that's a bad habit

'Cause the next day we're back at it, the same exact pattern

What the fuck's the matter with us?

We can't figure out if it's lust or love what's attracting us to each other…

Eminem, "Crazy in love"

.................................................

"You are so childish," Lily said, laughing. "Both of you."

James smiled coyly. "I couldn't resist it."

"I know!"

James didn't remove his hand from her waist; instead, he kissed Lily, wrapping his arms around her.

"Hmm," she mumbled, pressing her body against his and encircling his neck.

"We can't do this now," he muttered into her lips, watching her frustration with delight. "We need to finish doing our part of the work."

Lily shook her head. "Let me get this straight," she said, sliding her hand down his abdomen teasingly slowly and unzipping his pants. "You're actually telling me… that… you're going… to reject… your own wife… because… of her boyfriend?"

James closed his eyes, and tried to steady his breathing while ignoring what Lily was doing… Oh, crap, it was impossible…

"Lil… baby, come on… I – we should –"

She smiled naughtily and her eyes twinkled. "If you want me to stop, just say the word…"

"Why do you have to use everything I say against me?" he complained, lifting her chin and kissing her again. "Merlin, why do you have to make me feel this way?"

"What, do you think I usually lower myself to chasing after guys who reject me as often as you do?" she retorted, playfully biting his lower lip.

"Oh, please!" James replied at once, kissing her neck. "You know I'm crazy about you…"

"But you know, honey," Lily said after a few seconds, looking into his eyes. "We do have to work."

She let go of James, and he sat on the floor, exhaling heavily. "Yeah."

"Can you imagine how horrible it would be to have Alain finishing his work before us?"

"No, sweetheart. That is certainly not an option."

She smiled.

James cocked his head to the side with a playful grin. "I could totally get used to this."

Lily shook her head, laughing. "Well, don't. We'll get a divorce… eventually."

"Can we just have some fun with this before that? I mean, I'm not sure I'll ever get married again – let me enjoy my current status for a while."

"Sure… Oh!" she exclaimed all of a sudden. "We could go swinging!"

"You have got to be kidding me. We can't even find time to have a sex life of our own, let alone go out and do it with others!"

"Hm, true. So… what? We start arguing over why you left the toilet seat up, or to where I Vanished your work papers while cleaning your office?"

He chuckled. "We already do that, Lil."

"Oh," she said, frowning. "Right."

"But that's not all married life is about, you know."

"I do, but… I just don't think I could stand being married to one person for a long time."

"Well, our seventh anniversary is approaching – seven years is a long time. And yet here we are."

Lily grinned. "I mean for real, James. I couldn't imagine myself living with a man for too long."

"I think you're forgetting that we just about lived together for a year or so at Hogwarts," he said pensively. "I practically inhabited your room."

"Well, you're different."

"How so?"

"We know each other – plus, we were madly in love back then. We got along marvellously well, despite the occasional heated argument... Plus, the reconciliation was always worth it," she added with a coy smile.

"Well… who knows, maybe someday you'll find someone else like me."

Lily snorted. "Merlin, I hope not."

He grinned. "Me too."

.................................................

Lui, il te couve, fiévreusement; toi, tu l'approuves, en souriant

Lui, il te guette, et je le vois; toi, tu tu regrettes que je sois là

Et moi, dans mon coin, si je ne dis rien, je vois bien votre manège

Et moi, dans mon coin, je cache avec soin cette angoisse qui m'étreint...

Charles Aznavour, "Et moi dans mon coin"

.................................................

"So. Sylvie?"

"Four out of six."

"Amelia?"

"Three out of six."

"Katrina?"

"Three out of six."

"Dorcas?"

"Two out of six."

"Marlene?"

"Five out of six."

"All right, that's pretty good," Lily said, grinning. "But you guys really need to hurry – we don't want to be here for much longer, and most of you still have a long way to go."

Dorcas stared at her pointedly and threw Alain an annoyed look. Lily noticed that he was visibly not getting any work done. At the same time, Amelia nodded meaningfully at Julia, her eyes sending the message clearly: 'it's impossible to work with her now.'

"I think," she continued firmly, "that it's time for a slight rearrangement. Does anyone oppose changing pairs now?"

"I do," Remus replied at once. "We're halfway through a task; it'll be harder to start from scratch with someone else."

"We're almost done with our last one as well," said Marlene. "It would be better to finish it before changing pairs."

"Anyone else?"

Sirius glanced at Lily with an unmistakeable grin. Oh, he didn't want to be separated from Katrina – but his reasons had nothing to do with work.

"All right, uh… Amelia, you can –"

"Chief?"

She turned, and grinned delightfully. "Will!"

They hugged, and she laughed.

"I'm not your Chief Auror anymore; you don't have to call me that."

"It would feel weird to call you 'Lily.' I'll stick to 'Chief,' I'm used to it. How are you? You never even come to visit!"

"I know; I'm sorry… I'm great!"

"Seriously, why don't you come here anymore? I receive your strategies all the time – and there's no use denying you made them, because I know your style –, and Neveu says you still work for us… It wouldn't hurt to visit once in a while!"

"That's true, and again, I'm sorry. But the thing is… well, I've just handed in my resignation, actually."

"Oh, really? That's a pity."

"But hey, I'm a full-time Londoner now!"

"I still can't believe you left us for London!"

She laughed. "Ha! I like it there, it's very… challenging."

"I'm sure it is. So… have you been promoted to Chief Auror yet?"

"Yes, since my transfer."

"And you're working with whom?"

Lily gestured towards the Aurors seating around the table. "Will, these are Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Marlene McKinnon, Amelia Bones, Julia Rutilia and Dorcas Meadowes. Guys, this is William Ryder."

"I think I know you from somewhere…" Sirius said pensively.

"Yes, you pretended to be a Muggle who'd accidentally entered the Ministry and almost scared Will to death," Lily replied. "But no hard feelings, right?"

Will grinned. "Of course not."

.................................................

Lui te regarde furtivement; toi, tu bavardes trop librement

Lui te courtise à travers moi; toi, tu te grises, ries aux éclats

Et moi, dans mon coin, si je ne dis rien, j'ai le coeur au bord des larmes

Et moi, dans mon coin, je bois mon chagrin, car l'amour change de main..

Charles Aznavour, "Et moi dans mon coin"

.................................................

"Hello, Will," Dorcas said with a slight grin.

"Dorcas…" he muttered, staring at her with evident surprise, "It's been a while."

"It has… How are you?"

"I'm – fine… And you?"

"I'm fine too. And your wife – Caroline, isn’t it? Is everything all right?"

"Yes, we have a little daughter now."

"How nice."

Will nodded politely and turned to look at Lily. She noticed the courteously uncomfortable atmosphere in the room and hurried to start getting people to work again.

"Well… let's see. So Remus will stay with Sylvie, and Marlene and Dominic –"

"We're done," Marlene intervened suddenly. "You can reassign both of us if you want."

"Oh, wonderful."

"I need the French plans," Sirius said. "I need to check how we'll exchange shifts."

"Yes, good point," Lily agreed. "I actually need that too. Who's in charge of it? Alain?"

He cleared his throat. "Yes, I'm in charge."

"Well, can I see them?"

"I'm afraid not."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Why on earth –?"

"I have received specific instructions to keep them confidential, submitting the plans only for the approval of M. Neveu himself."

"Alain Delacour," she hissed, "I need to see those papers, and I need them now."

"I don't have them."

"How – dare – you withhold information from me? Are you out of your mind?"

"I have orders," he insisted, avoiding looking her in the eye.

"You must have misunderstood those orders… it would make no sense –"

"I'm afraid the French plans are not available for your consultation," Alain stated with cold civility. "You will have to deal with that, honey. There is nothing I can do about it."

"You can't just – just not tell us…"

"Who says only you have the prerogative to keep a secret?" he growled. Most of the people present had the distinct impression that the issue at hand had nothing to do with the French Ministry. "Neveu's security scheme while in French territory is an internal affair – something with which you should not meddle!"

"I was a French Auror until, what, ten minutes ago! Oh, Alain, honestly!"

"Just because you think laws are meant to be broken, that doesn't make that true! I follow the rulebook, even if that means going against your will."

And today, especially, because it goes against your will.

"My will is not what is at stake here! I am one of the Aurors responsible for Neveu's security during this trip, and –"

"What, you think only British Aurors can come up with good strategies?"

"Not at all," Lily spat sharply. "I'm just sure you can't."

Alain looked more hurt than offended by her remark, and stared at Lily, speechless, for a few seconds. He seemed torn between running away on the verge of tears, and retorting in an equally hurtful fashion.

"I would prefer if you didn't choose to prove to everyone that I'm right by using the French Minister of Magic as your guinea pig."

Lily didn't even give Alain a chance to reply; turning on her heel, she returned to the part of the room isolated by a solid, one-way soundproof barrier.

Katrina eyed her Chief Auror cautiously before approaching him with a hesitant, "Chief Delacour?"

He turned to look at her with obvious annoyance.

"There is no strategy, is there? I mean –" she hurried to correct herself, "you haven't finished one yet, right?"

Alain threw her an exasperated glance and stormed out the room, seething.

"Yeah," Katrina muttered with a sign. "Yeah, I thought so."

.................................................

You say we're fatally flawed; when I'm easily bored, is that ok?

Write me off your list, make this the last kiss – I'll walk away

Why don't we talk about it? I'm only here, don't shout it

Give us time – you'll forget… Let's pretend we never met…

Robbie Williams, "Sexed Up"

.................................................

Alain loved Lily.

He truly loved her – and he didn't doubt it for a second.

But did she love him back? Now, more than ever, Alain doubted Lily's sincerity.

Oh, of course she had always openly flirted with her work colleagues – she made no secret of it. They both knew that those little jokes and taunts would never lead to anything concrete.

But this – this was different. There was something about James Potter that threw Lily off balance; Alain had noticed that, and it threatened him.

James had, after all, met Lily long before Alain, and that, obviously, gave him some advantages. But then again, Lily had changed a lot since her teenage years. Nevertheless, these changes seemed less apparent and important whenever she was with James. Near him, she went back to "her old self," whatever that was.

Alain knew only that she was different now. Lily had grown distant from him, and – even though she probably didn't even realise it – much closer to James, who in truth represented her new life, her career in London… He was apparently one of the best Aurors there, and, unlike Alain, already knew all her British friends… and, since that afternoon, most of her French ones as well.

Oh, Alain could already guess: most of Lily's friends were probably encouraging her to dump Alain and move to London! And the worst part of it was that he wasn't sure she disliked the idea that much…

Why had she taken the stupid job in first place? If only he could go back in time and reverse the situation! They would have been engaged by now, happily planning a life together…

And then, a small voice in the back of his head reminded him, you two would find out about her previous marriage and she'd be forced to meet Potter again anyway…

Ugh, that marriage. Alain still hadn't fully digested that particularly unpleasant new piece of information.

Lily was married.

He was dating a married girl.

Lily, his Lily, was married to a man whom she had obviously loved deeply a few years ago. A man who just happened to be her work colleague now, and one of the best British strategists. A man who had some strange kind of power over her, making her lose control with absurd ease… Someone who understood her, and knew her better than anyone, save, perhaps, herself…

If James Potter was indeed determined to get Lily back – and Alain had absolutely no doubt about that –, he would be the toughest and strongest competitor in this bittersweet dispute.

But was it even worth the fight?

Well, that depended solely on Lily. Alain loved her enough to face the entire universe for her without flinching. For instance, last year, his entire family had tried to force him to marry Charlotte d'Épernay, a from-a-good-family young lady.

Alain had refused. And he would keep resisting anything and anyone who tried to keep him away from Lily… provided that she stood by his side through it all.

And, alas, this time he lacked that certainty.

.................................................

We gon' sex every day, but when we sex we tease

Those little elaborate ways got the guard feeling released

To relax for the day, it's on you, ma

Baby, if you give it to me, I'll give it to you

I know what you want – you know I got it…

Mariah Carey ft Busta Rhymes, "I know what you want"

.................................................

James Potter's predicament was entirely different. Knowing full well that Lily felt no true love of affection towards her boyfriend, he was quite sure of being the man closest to her heart, let alone her body.

Yes, even after all these years, she still belonged to him. Their bond was deeper and stronger than either had initially thought possible – and perhaps that had something to do with the fact that they had been married all along.

After all, a magical wedding had a lot more significance than a regular Muggle one. It wasn't just a ceremony – it was the establishment of a strong link between two souls. Lily and James' wedding ‘ceremony,’ especially, having been realised according to Ancient magical rites, was highly profound.

James closed his eyes for a few moments, trying to remember that night: Valentine's Day, 1972, in the village of Hogsmeade. ’Wedding ceremony?’ Yeah, right. ‘Crazy sex out in the open witnessed by five voyeurs who would have spared the couple in question a great deal of trouble if they hadn't decided to watch at the same time’ was more like it.

With a sigh, James opened his eyes and looked at the woman lying in his arms. After plenty of tossing and turning, Julia had finally fallen asleep – still on the verge of tears, still whiny, and even weaker than usual.

Couldn't she understand what was happening? She was an Auror, for goodness' sake – and a bloody good one at that! Drawing conclusions (and quickly acting accordingly) was an essential part of the profession…

Julia just couldn't see! James was crazy about Lily – hardly a minute went by without thoughts of her entering his mind. And it was torture to know that, somewhere, she was also lying in bed, thinking of him as well.

With Alain Delacour right beside her.

James felt a burning cold rush of jealousy. What did Lily see in that guy? He was clearly not good enough for her – he had nothing to do with her. Why was she with him?

All right… According to most people, Alain was quite charming. Of course being heir to one of the largest fortunes in wizarding Europe didn’t hurt. In fact, the combination of these two traits meant that he was pretty much one of the most sought-after men in Parisian society.

But Lily didn't need to marry a rich guy to get popularity; she was doing just fine on her own… James could imagine her answer as easily as if she had said it herself: 'I decided to have a long-term relationship, just for appearances' sake. That having been decided, I chose the best guy I could find.'

Lily's cool rationality could shock most people, but not James. He of all people knew the fire and intensity of her true feelings and instincts, which she had been fighting hard to suppress. James alone knew that her carefully planned mask of aloof calculation was beginning to fall apart – she was starting to resemble herself again…

They both knew that the only person who could be blamed for her transformation was James himself. He enjoyed provoking her until she lost her rigid self-control (and, well, that was when she started yelling at him, but that wasn't the point.) Nowadays, she didn't even bother putting up much of a façade – not when they were alone.

Quite on the contrary, James pondered with a smirk. When they were alone, it was like… it was almost like nothing had changed. Lily didn't seem to resent the messy break-up and he certainly didn't mind putting it all behind him.

So… what now?

.................................................

There's always that one person that will always have your heart

You'll never see it coming, 'cause you're blinded from the start

Know that you're that only one for me; it's clear for everyone to see

Oh baby, you will always be my boo…

Usher & Alicia Keys, "My Boo"

.................................................

James knew himself well enough to realise that he had no objections whatsoever to getting back together with Lily. Hell, he'd even settle for an ordinary married life with her… She was, after all, the only woman to whom he'd ever considered proposing.

His greatest fear was not the prospective emotional involvement. He was sure that he would enjoy it immensely if he learned to love her again. No, what he feared the most was how the relationship would end. Not only had he become a wreck the last time they'd parted, but the blame for that break-up had also been exclusively his.

James had been foolish enough to cheat on Lily. He had been crazy enough to betray the trust of the love of his life because of a fickle bitch like Kate Malshirn.

After a while, Lily had agreed to take him back – his stupid mistake hadn't made her cease to love him. But, eventually, they had both realised that their relationship was doomed.

But was it really?

Had Lily made the right choice, leaving London? Their issues back then didn't seem so impossibly complex anymore…

Frowning, James let go of Julia, pushing her away. He appreciated having some space to sleep. James couldn't possibly fathom why so many women enjoyed cuddling so much.

Well, of course he didn't dislike it, but he certainly didn't feel that need to feel close to his girlfriends so often. And sleeping… he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually fallen asleep while genuinely savouring having a girl in his arms.

Oh, wait. Of course he remembered.

Ten guesses who that was.

.................................................

Inevitably, you'll be back again, 'cause you know in your heart

Babe, our love will never end

You'll always be a part of me; I'm part of you indefinitely

Don't you know you can't escape me?

Oh, darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby…

Mariah Carey, "Always be my baby"

.................................................

After a few seconds, James got up and went to his office. It was nearly 3 AM… He was supposed to leave for Godric's Hollow soon, with Lily.

He opened a drawer, and reached for a small box in the bottom. Opening it, he stared longingly at the engagement ring he had bought for Lily seven years ago. So much had happened since then… And, well, now its existence was more than superfluous.

It was only a reminder now – a reminder of the most idyllic year of his life, a reminder of a time when his life wasn't nearly as complicated… James had been happy back then. And he had honestly thought that marrying Lily would make that happiness last till the end of his life.

Well, now they were married, and he wasn't happy.

There was a wedding – but there is no marriage.

Oh, whatever. James sighed and turned his attention to the heaps of parchment in front of him.

The final plans for Neveu's visit were spread across his desk. To be honest, he just wished the damned visit would be over already. Planning every detail was so tiring!

The entire team was going to live at Godric's Hollow for a week, and James could already foresee the torture: he was going to live in a house whose every tiny corner was constantly under surveillance by at least two Aurors in separate parts of the house. And, to make matters worse, he would be living with Lily in a house where they would be watched all the time.

The very thought of it made James sick to his stomach. Even if the audience didn't perturb them (they would surely get to that stage of desperation before the week was over), no such distractions would be allowed. The Aurors were only allowed to take short breaks for eating and showering, and one longer one for sleeping; during the rest of the day, all they could do was work.

Oh, the oppressive panopticism in Godric's Hollow would drive them all mad… James had to do something to prevent it!

Grabbing a quill, he sketched a schedule that would allow each person to spend a few hours away from the house every day.

For goodness' sake, there had to be a way for him to find time to sleep with his wife!

His wife. His wife. Lily Evans was his wife… Mrs. James Potter. Lily Potter.

"Lily and James Potter," he muttered with a smile.

It did have a ring to it.

.................................................

13. What can I do?

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 13

"What can I do?"

.................................................

Shut up, just shut up, shut up…

We try to take it slow, but we're still losing control

And we tried to make it work, but it still isn't the worst

And I'm crazy for trying to be your lady

I think I'm going crazy…

Black Eyed Peas, "Shut up"

.................................................

Evil bunnies.

Innocent-looking, seemingly harmless white rabbits breaking through the defences of Godric's Hollow… then transforming suddenly into menacing Death Eaters… and killing everyone.

Little carrots that in truth were camouflaged wands… Dark Marks tattooed on little furry paws…

No, Death Eaters wouldn't think of transfiguring themselves into rabbits to take over the house. No… They wouldn't. No way.

Or would they?

Lily buried her head in her hands. Oh, Merlin… She was going insane!

How could she stop little bunnies from entering the house?

Why on earth was she worrying about bunnies?

It was the lack of sleep – that had to be it. There was no other explanation for the strange paranoia that had overcome her in the past few hours. Her head was swimming with the most fantastic and unlikely scenarios Death Eaters could plan to get past Godric's Hollow's defences.

Lily stared at her brainstorming sheet of paper with dismay. The idea of rabbits invading the house didn't seem so odd when compared to the others: so far, she had had already fretted over the possibility of Death Eaters flooding the area and invading the house as whales, the possible use of glamour spells to make the dark wizards look like food and attack the Minister as he tried to eat, and the employment of hot air balloons to perpetrate a surprise invasion.

Honestly, she had never been this… creative before. Yes, it was probably the combination of the lack of sleep with the accumulated stress of her day at the French Ministry.

Lily had never imagined that she would have to spend such a long period of time in the same room as James Potter, Alain Delacour, Julia Rutilia, Sirius Black, and Kate Malshirn. It was a wonder, really, that she had survived with a reasonable amount of sanity.

'What if they cast a spell on several amoebas, creating hundreds of Portkeys to a secret lair of sorts, and put them in the water Neveu will use?'

Lily read that sentence over a few times before she surrendered to the abundant evidence. Yes, they had managed not to kill each other; she had left the Ministry with no significant injuries… but sane? Not so much.

Well, it was partly James' fault. He didn't need anyone's help to drive her crazy… And of course she loved it. In fact, she even made matters worse by teasing him as well.

But Alain… Alain drove her crazy as well, and not in a good way. Just a few minutes ago, he had Apparated in her apartment, visibly seething. Luckily, Lily had managed to barricade herself in her office and avoid a confrontation.

Oh, what a royal bore! Yes, of course he'd freaked out after seeing Lily and James working together with way more familiarity than Alain would have liked. His worries, after all, were perfectly justified. But that didn't mean that she had the necessary patience to deal with him.

Lily should have guessed that this would happen… Alain would no longer be a complacent, tolerant spectator. He already knew something was afoot, and he would want to fight for her.

She sighed, mindlessly staring out the window. There was no other way now.

Lily was going to have to dump Alain. And not only because of James… she just couldn't take it anymore. He was simply too dull for her.

Oh, no… What if James thought she was breaking up with Alain because she wanted to begin a serious relationship with him? She didn't, she really didn't! Did he know that? If he didn't, she would make sure to tell him that in no uncertain terms soon enough.

She just had to lead Alain on for a couple more days. That wouldn't be too hard… Would it? Well, that depended solely on him.

But, for some reason, Lily didn't think he was inclined to behaving very gently these days.

.................................................

What do I do to make you want me? What have I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when it's all over, and sorry seems to be the hardest word?

It's sad, so sad… It's a sad situation, and it's getting more and more absurd

It's sad, so sad… Why can't we talk it over?

Elton John, "Sorry seems to be the hardest word"

.................................................

Lily heard a slight noise coming from behind her and turned. Alain had just slid in the room, quietly closing the door behind him and leaning against it. She looked at him, not bothering to hide her annoyance.

"I know you're busy," he said at once. "But this won't take long, I promise."

She stood and walked to stand in front of her desk, facing him. "All right."

"I don't know what's going on," Alain continued, frowning. "And, to be honest, I'm not quite sure I want to know. You and this Potter guy obviously have a huge history together. So, if I'm interfering with something, if I'm in way over my head, please tell me so. If you want me to leave you alone… please, just say it. I love you more than anything, Lily, and I want to be by your side… But I don't want things to go on like – like this."

Lily cringed inwardly. What now? It wasn't like she hadn't been expecting that little speech. But she couldn't just tell him point-blank that she didn't love him anymore. That was way too cruel!

So what to do, what to do?

"If you're just doing that meaningless flirting thing you do, then that's fine. But I'm not sure that's what's happening… I want to be with you through thick and thin, no matter what, but we have to trust each other. So please, can you just be honest and tell me? Do you still love me, Lily? Or do the past two years mean nothing whatsoever to you?"

Lily stared at the floor, taking a deep breath. All right. It was now or never. She had to be sharp and cool about the whole thing. 'It's nothing personal, just… I just can't stand you, that's all.'

Brilliant. Bloody brilliant.

Her gaze met Alain's. Instantly, she felt her resolve starting to crumble. He had that puppy-dog, pleading look about him… Oh, Merlin. She wouldn't be capable of doing this. No way. She wasn't that heartless.

His blue eyes seemed to beg her for any crumbs of love and attention… In a flash, she remembered what it felt like to be like that: completely lovesick. Oh, this situation wasn't Alain's fault! He was actually behaving very uncharacteristically – he wouldn't have lowered himself to this if he didn't love her.

But she couldn't lie and tell him she loved him.

What to do?

Lily took a deep breath, and stepped forward. Alain quizzically looked up at her, but didn't have time to say anything before the long-lost feeling of her lips on his overwhelmed him.

.................................................

Last night before you fell asleep, you whispered something to me

Was it just a dream? I'm gonna listen to you close

'Cause your goodnight kiss felt like a ghost…

What are you trying to say to me? What are you trying to say?

Everybody's searching for intimacy…

The Corrs, "Intimacy"

.................................................

Lily felt oddly detached from the whole situation. It was as if she were watching someone who looked a lot like her make out with her boyfriend. Sex with Alain had never been spectacular – far from it. But she had never been this distant, this cold…

Oh, he hadn't noticed anything was wrong! Lily was pretty good at faking being pleased with his shallow kisses, his awkward caresses… Merlin, they'd been together for two years, and he still didn't know her at all!

But then again, she'd never let him get to know her. Lily had never made an effort to improve his moves or anything... Of course she could have taught him quite a bit – a woman who had slept with the likes of James Potter and Benjamin Fenwick certainly had quite a few tricks under her belt. A huge grin spread over her face, but Alain didn't notice.

He kissed her almost reverently, and muttered "I love you," with such intensity that Lily actually began wondering just how far he'd go to fight for her.

With a sigh, she let her mind wander and toyed with the possibility of doing what Alain wanted: what if she did go back to France? Could she leave James behind, could she forget all that had happened? Above all, could she forget what hadn't happened?

He began undressing, and Lily cringed inwardly. She had successfully avoided Alain for the past few weeks – she just wasn't sure she'd be able to fake excitement as effectively anymore…

'What if I don't want to?' a tiny rebel voice cried inside her. 'What if I'm tired of all this theatre?'

Fighting back a grimace, she watched Alain. Oh, what was she doing here? Why had she wasted two years of her life with this dolt?

He was excited – that was obvious. But Lily wasn't… She was nowhere in the vicinity of 'excited'. All she wanted now was to be with James, to have his arms around her and feel his lips against her skin…

Oh, great. The very thought of James provoked in her a greater response than anything Alain had done so far.

When Alain kissed her, she tried to remember what James' kisses were like; when Alain touched her, it was James' caresses she longed for; when Alain held her, it was the safety of James' embraces she craved…

Crap.

Lily absent-mindedly let her robes slide to the ground, and lay in bed, waiting. Alain soon joined her, after performing the infertility charm. Well, he'd thankfully decided to stay on top… Excellent. Pretending wouldn't be too hard.

Lily forced herself to moan when he brusquely touched her; she closed her eyes tightly when he penetrated her with a lot less tact than she would have hoped… Her body moved almost involuntarily under his, trying to find a slightly better position, and he groaned.

Ah, Merlin, she needed James…

A faint noise – a voice – coming from the living room attracted her attention. She opened her eyes and frowned, trying to focus. Oh, who cared about what Alain would think? She knew that voice…

Was he really here? Or was it just her wishful thinking?

"James!" Lily exclaimed with giddiness she didn't even try to conceal.

That one word had on Alain the instant mood-killing efficiency of an ice-cold shower.

"What – what did you call me?" he asked stupidly.

Alain didn't know whether to feel furious, stunned or miserable, so he allowed a mixture of the three feelings to engulf him. How could she have done this to him? They were in bed together, for Merlin's sake! How could she?

"No, no," she laughed. "James is here. I heard his voice in the living room."

Lily disentangled her body from Alain's (not a hard task), and started looking for some clothes. She barely had time to put on some robes before she heard James opening the door.

"Petrificus totalus."

.................................................

Truth or dare, this life ain't apparently fair

A love with no glare is a crystal stare

We share something so rare… But who cares? You care

Baby, I'm not always there when you call, but I'm always on time

And I gave you my all… now, baby, be mine…

Ashanti & Ja Rule, "Always on time"

.................................................

Lily's grin broadened when James entered the room, his wand still pointed at Alain's petrified body on the bed.

"Hey," he said, smiling. "Sorry for interrupting."

She threw her head back and laughed with pure delight. "It's all right. Alain didn't like it much, though."

"I'm sure he didn't," James replied, chuckling. He then looked at his wife's boyfriend with open scorn. "Merlin, he's – tiny."

Lily rolled her eyes and shoved him playfully.

"What? I mean… I don't mean it in a bad way or anything, it's just… Well, Wormtail's told me they sell some potions down at Knockturn Alley for men who – er – aren't well endowed…"

She shook her head, scowling. "I can't believe we're discussing this. Please, James."

"No wonder you had so many affairs," he mused, ignoring her interruption. "You've been faking it with him for two years?"

Lily wasn't quite sure whether she should answer truthfully, so she chose a neutral response, "Well… He does what he can."

James grimaced sympathetically. "When was the last time you had sex with him?"

Lily gaped at him. How dare he act so plainly overprotective? He had absolutely no right to question her like this! "It's – none of your business, James!"

He gave her a look.

"Um… a while ago. I just haven't had time to stay with him these days," she answered at once, not quite knowing why she was doing it.

"Poor guy."

"Anyway, what are you doing here? How did you know where I live anyway?"

"Oh… Leylann told me your address. And I came to ask you to go to Godric's Hollow a bit earlier. It's a bit past 3 AM now. Do you think you can get ready before four o'clock?"

"Sure."

"Okay, then," James said, glancing at Alain with a grin. "Have fun explaining this."

"Thanks, darling," she replied sarcastically. "You make my life so much easier!"

"You're welcome, sweetie. See you in a few minutes."

"Bye."

James Disapparated. Lily sighed, staring at the spot where he'd stood just a few seconds ago. He had a point – what was she going to tell Alain? And how was he going to react?

Well, one thing was certain: she didn't have time to deal with him. She had to get ready in a hurry and, if possible, still work a little bit more.

One more sleepless night… Who cared?

.................................................

Are your secrets where you left them? Cause now your ghosts are mine as well

I think it's time I met them and I think it's time you tell

You should've told me when you met me all these things I should know

I should have asked, we should have talked about this so long ago

It's not fair, it's not fair… Don't leave me here

How's this happening to me? It feels so lonely here…

Gwen Stefani, "Danger Zone"

.................................................

"Okay, let me see if I got this straight," Alain said, rubbing his temple with a grimace. "Potter just Apparates in out of nowhere, Petrifies me, starts bossing you around, and you're fine with it?"

"Alain –"

"No, no, wait a minute. What is it with you two? I honestly need to know. Go on, tell me."

Lily frowned and looked away. Where to start? For some reason, she thought 'I loved James like I have never loved another man after him… And now that I met him again, I just can't wait to be back with him – even if that means just an affair…' wouldn't get a very good response.

"We dated for a while, we broke up and now we're working together. That's all."

Alain shook his head. "What about your wedding?"

Lily grinned. She hadn't really thought about that since that afternoon… It just didn't seem like such a big deal to her. But of course she could understand why Alain was freaking out about it. "There was no… wedding. I mean, there was, but we didn't know we were getting married. And come on, Alain! Before going to London, I hadn't seen him for, what, six years!"

"You should've stayed in Paris!" he replied aggressively. "Nothing good came out of your new job."

"Quite on the contrary! Working in London is very fulfilling! Don't you get it? Succeeding in Paris wasn't a challenge – and I thrive on challenges. There, James will never stop pushing me, always wanting each scenario to be better than the last… It's great!"

"James, James, James! For Merlin's sake, can't you stop talking about him?"

"You asked!" she wailed.

"Well… just promise me you'll divorce him soon. Promise me you're not falling for him again."

"I have absolutely no intentions of falling in love with him once more – he broke my heart last time, Alain. Knowing that he's a great Auror doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't want to get romantically involved with him ever again."

He sighed with obvious relief.

Romantically involved. No, she definitely didn't want that. But that certainly didn't mean she had anything against just getting involved with James. No love in the picture or anything – just shagging. It wasn't that complicated.

And the marriage thing… well, they would deal with that eventually. It wasn't like either of them was worrying about getting married again any time soon! There was no need to hurry with the divorce.

Well, perhaps James had been thinking about proposing to Julia… she was, after all, the most perfect wife he could find. He didn't love her, but that didn't really matter…

Was he thinking of getting married?

Lily's stomach jolted unpleasantly, and she felt her eyes glaze over angrily at the thought. He couldn't! Not now, not now that she'd finally come back to him…

Oh, Jules had better not dare try to keep Lily's husband away from her!

All of a sudden, Lily realised what was happening. Why on earth was she thinking like that? She had no right to own James in any way, after all… She was acting just like him…

Oh, whatever. She had every right to think about him like that now… More so than Julia herself, actually.

He's my husband, Rutilia… Mess with the best, die like the rest.

.................................................

None of this was planned; take me by the hand

Just don't try and understand…

Can't forgive, sorry to say! You don't know you're guilty anyway…

Isn't it funny how we don't speak the language of love?

Robbie Williams, "Misundersood"

.................................................

"Come back to Paris," Alain pleaded for the fourth time in the past couple of minutes.

"I can't," Lily repeated for the fourth time. "I have a job in London, and I absolutely adore it. I can't work in the French ministry again."

"But, honey –"

"No!"

"Why would you want to work with him? You two argue all the time! It's not like you get any work done!"

"Oh, you couldn't be more mistaken. We do argue, but our arguments are productive. Give up, Alain – I won't leave London, not even for all the gold in France."

He sighed.

Lily checked her watch and was startled to see that she was almost late. Damn Alain and the awful timing of all his relationship talks!

"I have to go have a shower… I'll talk to you later."

"All right."

Alain watched her leave with a pained expression. Was she being truthful? It made no sense at all! Why would she want to remain in London?

She liked working with her husband. She liked it. No matter what she said about Potter, that was the truth.

But would all that familiarity and chemistry lead to a reconciliation?

Well, no matter what, Alain would put up quite a fight. James wasn't going to defeat him so easily.

May the best Frenchman win.

.................................................

There's only so much I can take, and I've just got to let it go

And, who knows, I might feel better if I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me? What can I do to make you care?

What can I say to make you feel this? What can I do to get you there?

No more waiting, no more aching…

The Corrs, "What can I do"

.................................................

James checked his watch. Ten past four. Where on earth was Lily? It wasn't like her to be this late…

Oh, maybe that damned boyfriend of hers was giving her a hard time. Well, there was really only one thing to do…

James Apparated to Lily's building and rang the doorbell. After a few seconds, Mr. Boring himself came to answer.

"M. Delacour," James greeted civilly.

"Mr. Potter," Alain replied. Oh, the nerve of this guy! How dare he come back to Lily's house? What made him think he was welcome there?

"I need to speak to Lily."

"I'm afraid she's not available."

James frowned. "I'm afraid I'll have to talk to her anyway."

"She is not available."

Alain tried to stand in James' way, but was speedily shoved aside.

James entered the living room and threw him an impatient look. What an insolent, dreary watch-dog! How could he possibly think that he would prevent James from entering his own wife's house?

Oh, Merlin… Adapting to this whole marriage thing had been way too easy. He had no trouble at all thinking of Lily as his wife.

Maybe that meant something…

"Where is she?"

"She's – in the shower. She might not take too long."

James didn't dignify that with a reply, and hurried to the bathroom. He knocked two times, said "Lil" loud and clear, and entered.

Alain watched the scene, stupefied. No, this was too much. How could Potter, this guy who had dated Lily a few years ago, and hadn't seen her since then, just – just come out of nowhere and take over her life like this?

And how could she just let him?

.................................................

Too high, can't come down; it's in the air, and it's all around (…)

With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride – you're toxic

I'm slipping under, with a taste of poison paradise

I'm addicted to you… Don't you know that you're toxic?

Britney Spears, "Toxic"

.................................................

"Hey."

Lily didn't even bother turning off the water to look at James. "Hello."

"You're late."

"I know."

"Was it Delacour?" he spat scornfully.

She grinned, and couldn't help but wonder if James would dislike Alain that much if he weren't her boyfriend. "Yes. I'll be done soon, though. Don't worry."

"Why don't you just dump him, Lily?"

She was silent.

"He's not right for you," James said, stepping closer to the shower. "And you know it."

"Yes."

He pushed open the curtain that separated them, and surveyed her with a grin.

"You're getting wet," she muttered. Several drops of water were sprinkling on his robes, but he didn't seem to mind. James' gaze remained fixed on hers, and his face grew closer every second…

Oh, there we go again.

After a few minutes, James had practically entered the shower as well. She had had shampoo on her hair, and soap on her skin, so his upper body was covered in foam.

"You're all wet," she pointed out, laughing softly.

"Who cares?"

"Well, Alain obviously will."

"Screw Alain."

"No, thanks."

He leaned his cheek against hers affectionately, and she closed her eyes.

"We'll have to survive being closely watched 24/7 in a house for almost a week. Do you reckon we'll make it?" he muttered to her ear.

"I'm… not sure," she said, frowning with mock worry. "It will certainly be very hard."

"Yeah, it will."

Lily absent-mindedly started playing with the foam on his neck, smiling gently. "Why did you come?"

"Do you actually think I had any intentions other than interrupting your shower to snog?"

"Perhaps."

"Well, I wanted to remind you you're late."

"I see."

"And also, I wanted to talk to you about Rita Skeeter."

"What about her?"

James leaned his head on her shoulder, running his hands through her back and pulling her closer to an embrace. Lily encircled his neck and closed her eyes. "I hate Jacques Neveu so very much. I'm so tired… I'm afraid I'll end up treating him with no courtesy at all – his visit has put us all into so much pressure!"

"I know… I haven't slept properly in a few days either."

"Yeah. Hopefully we'll get some sleep tonight."

"Not likely – he probably has tons of meetings scheduled."

"True."

"But anyway – what about Skeeter?"

"Oh. Er, the thing is… what are we going to tell her? I mean, she'll obviously write her own version of things, not what we tell her, but our versions have to be accurate, at least."

"Hm, well… There isn't much to say. We can tell the truth, she'll twist it anyway."

"Or we could… spice up the truth a little. Just a little – nothing too radical."

She grinned. "What's on your mind?"

.................................................

I wish there was a chance for you and me

I wish you couldn't find a place to be away from here

This is pathetic, it's sardonic; it's sadistic, and psychotic

Tango's not for three, was never meant to be (…)

Objection! I'm tired of this triangle – got dizzy dancing tango…

Shakira, "Objection"

.................................................

"Good morning!"

James smiled at Julia. "Good morning."

She was already ready for work, wearing wizard robes. Her silky brown head was braided, and she'd already applied the necessary make-up. Julia surely seemed fine – perhaps she'd already put the previous day's confusion behind her.

"The French Minister is arriving today, right?"

"Yes."

"So that means you'll live in whatever-it's-called, that little village –"

"Godric's Hollow," James replied at once. The place where the Snitch had been invented. But of course Julia had no way of knowing that… she abhorred Quidditch.

"Yes, that. You'll be living there for about a week, right?"

"Exactly."

The unspoken words couldn't have been clearer: with Lily. James was going to spend one week living with his wife… and there was nothing Julia could do to prevent it.

"And next Sunday is your birthday."

"Yes – Neveu will be gone by then, and we'll have that party we'd been talking about here."

"We can't have that on Sunday…"

"Why not?"

"I just received a letter… I'll be sent on a mission all weekend."

"Oh, that's a pity," James said, trying his best to convey some type of regret. That was quite a feat, considering that he was doing a series of mental celebratory dances. "But we can't postpone it… Sirius' birthday is next Tuesday, and mine is on Sunday. We've already called quite a few people."

That was, of course, a complete lie. They hadn't called anyone yet – but they sure were going to start doing so soon – today.

"Don't worry, Jules," he said softly. "We'll go out some other day, just a few of us, to celebrate my birthday."

"But – but –" she whined, "you'll spend your birthday with Lily!"

Yes, he was… But he obviously couldn't admit that to her. "Jules, you're my girlfriend, and everyone knows that – even Lily."

"She's your wife, and everyone knows that too! They all think you're cheating on her when you're with me!"

"Not everyone thinks that."

"Most people do!"

He sighed. "I still don't know how Rita Skeeter will choose to portray us – but that does not depend on what we actually tell her. You know it as well as I… That woman loves making up things."

"Yes, but that doesn't change the actual facts: you're married and I'm your girlfriend."

"And I spent six years away from my wife, and I've been with you for almost a year."

"Well, yes, but…"

"That's that, Jules. There's no more to it."

She pouted, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Promise me you'll divorce her."

"I will, I swear."

"When?"

"I don't know yet. We have to let the dust settle first, you know."

"Okay."

Before he could say another word, she kissed him quickly and left.

James was left alone, pensive, in his apartment kitchen. So Julia wasn't going to be there… Yes, he and Lily would be alone on his birthday party.

It was definitely just a matter of time now.

.................................................

Mr. Jones and me look into the future, stare at the beautiful women

"She's looking at you… Uh, I don't think so; she's looking at me."

Standing in the spotlight, I bought myself a grey guitar

When everybody loves me, I will never be lonely…

I want to be a lion; everyone wants to pass as cats

We all want to be big, big stars, but we've got different reasons for that…

Counting Crows, "Mr. Jones"

.................................................

"Good morning, Prongs!"

"Good morning, Padfoot."

James sighed, and focusing on pouring the boiling water in his cup. "Tea?"

"Sure." Sirius replied, making himself some eggs and eyeing James with curiosity. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired."

"Have you seen Lily today?"

James grinned.

"Ah, but of course. How silly of me to think that you could possibly eat breakfast before looking at your wife's face."

His grin broadened. "You know, I'm actually getting used to that."

"I'm not surprised. Your relationship was always in this whole other level… You probably wouldn't have too many problems if you moved in together."

"Not that I'm planning on doing that any time soon."

"Well, I'd hope so! You'd better inform me if you start thinking about that."

"Come on, Padfoot – we definitely aren't thinking about anything serious."

"Yeah, I thought so – until yesterday! And then all of a sudden you're married, and you're visiting her every morning…"

"That doesn't mean anything! Plus, her boyfriend was there."

Sirius chuckled. "Really? I'm quite sure he's not too fond of you."

"Are you kidding? Would you like it if some guy entered the bathroom while your girlfriend was in the shower – and remained there for a long time?"

"My reaction would depend on the girl – I'd probably punch him senseless if I actually cared about the chick."

"Yeah, but Delacour's too big a coward to do that. So he just glared and glared."

"What time did you get there?"

"At around 3 AM. They were actually in bed together… And, Merlin's beard, the guy's – smaller than Peter."

Sirius grimaced. "Poor Lily."

"She seemed quite relieved when I interrupted them."

"I don't doubt it."

Leylann entered the kitchen, also ready for work. She wore long, white Healer robes, and her hair was tied up in a tight bun.

"Good morning, boys," she greeted, getting some tea for herself.

"Good morning."

"Mow-ee," Sirius said, spitting a few crumbs of eggs.

"Don't speak with your mouth full," Leylann said automatically. "So, what were you taking about?"

"Prongs walked in on Lily and Alain this morning," Sirius explained, after swallowing. "And is apparently under the impression that she has been faking it with her boyfriend for the past couple of years."

Leylann frowned.

"Has she ever mentioned that to you?"

She smiled condescendingly. Boys. They knew so little about… everything! "Has it occurred to you, James, that Lily might have cast a spell on Alain to make you feel more confident?"

He seemed confused. "No. Why should I be more confident?"

She shrugged. "Perhaps because Alain's back in the fight… Are you feeling insecure? Maybe she wanted you to know you still have a chance, so she cast a spell on him."

That seemed to leave James quite shaken. "That's actually a good point. I – er – really hadn't thought about it."

"I'm sure you hadn't."

"Anyway… Padfoot, I told Julia we're having the party this Sunday, and she's not coming. So it's up to you – can you make all the arrangements? I have way too much to do with this whole Neveu thing… I really can't handle organising a party."

"Sure, no problem."

"All right then. I have to go back… Goodbye, you two."

"Bye."

James Disapparated, and Sirius turned to face Leylann. "Can you be in charge of inviting people? I'll handle the rest."

"Sure. Just a note – my boyfriend's sleeping over for the rest of the week, so please don't show up unannounced."

"No problem. Oh, Leylann, tell me something… Are you sure Lily's never mentioned anything about Alain's skills? I mean, I was under the impression that girls always told each other everything."

She grinned mischievously. "Oh, yeah, of course she did."

"And?"

"James is entirely right. She's been faking it for two years."

.................................................

Don't like to feel out of control, so we make our plans ten times a day

And when things don't go our way, we break down – don't you break down

Listen to me: it's just a ride – no need to run, no need to hide

It'll take you round and round; sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down

It's just a ride; don't be scared, don't hide your eyes…

Jem, "Just a Ride"

.................................................

"Hey! Welcome, Dom. Everyone, you've met Dominic Bonacieux – he'll stay with us for the next few days."

The Aurors nodded hello, and quickly resumed their activities. Everybody was in a major hurry – Neveu was arriving soon, and they had to make sure all the security measures were functioning properly.

"Amelia, would you mind showing him around, and giving him the rough overview?" James asked.

She raised her hand, asking him to wait, and tapped a specific brick with the tip of her wand. A significant part of the wall exploded, showering everyone with little debris. Amelia scowled, and with a charm cleaned the surroundings.

"We've got another tracker, you guys," she announced grimly. "They're still trying to figure out what charms we're using."

"I think it's time for another sweep," James suggested. "Dom, you'd better learn how to do this. Amelia, please take him."

"Yes, sir," she acquiesced, beckoning Dominic and leaving the room.

Dorcas turned to face James. "When is Lily going to finish that interview?"

He shrugged. It had been almost an hour since he'd left his wife alone with Rita Skeeter. The team needed Lily's help, but James had been adamant – he wanted her to talk to the Prophet journalist. No one knew just what the couple was up to, but one thing was certain: the fairly simple and uninteresting truth was not what they were about to divulge.

"Who's going to pick up Neveu in Paris after all, Chief?"

"If Lily's done in the next few minutes, I'll go with Amelia and her, like we'd originally planned. If not, you'll replace her. Each of the others will be in one of the Apparition spots, and in the scheduled time we'll meet here."

"Is this really going to work?" Marlene wondered, frowning. "Everything looks so perfect, so according to the plan… Things aren't usually that right."

"Well, considering the mission itself hasn't even started…"

"True, but there have been no hurdles yet."

"There will be, don't worry – and we'll be ready for them. Fate might interpret the absurd amount of backup plans as a challenge, so we might face many unforeseen difficulties… But really, we all know this house like the back of our hands, and we'll have no trouble improvising."

"I hope so."

"James!" Lily called, descending the stairs in a hurry. "Change of plans!"

He threw Marlene a look, and she smiled.

"Neveu is in Strasbourg, not Paris," Lily said, brandishing a letter that bore the official logo of the French Ministry. "And only two people are allowed to enter their present security facility."

"What facility?" James asked, confused. "I can't remember anything of that sort in Strasbourg."

"Me neither."

"Are you done with Skeeter?"

"Yeah. You have to give her permission to Apparate."

James turned to Marlene, who nodded.

"I'm on it," she said at once, standing and entering one of the rooms. After a few seconds, she yelled, "Fifteen seconds window starting in three – two – one!"

Lily hurried to call Skeeter. She Disapparated, silently pondering that these people were definitely too paranoid… There was something afoot here – and she would find out what it was soon enough.

Lily came downstairs, and handed James the letter. It didn't contain much information… What on earth was happening? Why the sudden change of plans?

He nodded towards the door leading outside, and Lily mutely followed him. "We need to ask Dom, maybe he knows more about this."

They walked around the house till they found Amelia and Dominic, testing different hexes and watching them bounce against the wall.

"Dom, do you know why Neveu is in Strasbourg?"

He turned to look at them. "Oh, yeah. Chief Delacour called all the strategists to work at 5 AM this morning and told us he wanted to build an impenetrable fortress of sorts, reutilizing this old tunnel, where the Neveu would have a meeting with the Belgian Minister."

"And did you manage to do it?"

"Yes – there were about twenty of us frantically working on a space less than half as big as this house for three hours or so… Of course we managed to do it! We actually based the design on PE47."

Lily frowned. "I know I should remember what that is, but I don't."

"It's the strategy you two created for the Chief Aurors' meeting last month, I think."

"Oh, that."

"Yeah. Except that we made the necessary adaptations for the place in question, and we added a few security precautions. It's a very, very tight scheme – its greatest flaw is that it's almost impossible for anyone to enter."

"How practical."

"Isn't it?" Dom asked with a grin. "We thought so too, but Chief Delacour said we couldn't take any risks. The place will be absolutely crowded with French Aurors."

"I see."

"Well," James said, facing Lily, "I think we should go check it out."

"Yes, we should. Come on, Amelia – we have to go."

"Oh, no, one of you will have to stay behind," Dom pointed out, frowning. "Only three foreigners are allowed inside, and the Belgian Minister is already there."

"What do you mean, 'only three foreigners'? That makes no sense – there are quite a few non-French Aurors working there! Why would you do that?"

"The Chief wanted us to allow only two, but Ryder complained that he wouldn't get to even see the place properly, and neither would any of the other foreigners… So three it was. The deal was that they would just pass by, or else none of you would manage to enter."

"That's awful! Why would –"

"The Chief says all Death Eaters are British, and because of that he wanted no Englishmen working in that place."

Lily gaped. "What?"

Dominic lifted his hands defensively. "That's what he said!"

"But… That's – that's –"

"Let's go and tell him that," James interrupted her. "There's nothing Dom can't do about it."

"True. Bye, guys."

"Bye."

Lily and James hurried to enter the house again. Dominic and Amelia stared after them.

"I wouldn't want to be Alain Delacour right now, despite all the money, popularity and good looks."

"Are you kidding me? They're going to smash him to pieces if they find the slightest mistake in that security scheme."

"I don't think they will… It's their own flawless work with just a few modifications, checked for mistakes a thousand times."

"They'll manage to find a flaw – they always do."

Dominic made a face. "I guess so – they're the masters. I feel bad for Chief Delacour, though… He's not a bad guy."

"I'm sure he isn't. It's just… Well, he's standing between Lily and James. Nothing personal, but he doesn't stand a chance."

"Oh, I don't doubt that."

.................................................

Pay the grocer, you fix the toaster

You kiss that host goodbye, then you break a window

Burn the soufflé, scream the lullaby (…)

I believe in love – now, who knows where or when?

But it's coming around again…

Carly Simon, "Coming Around Again"

.................................................

"Lily! James! There's someone coming!"

The couple had been about to Disapparate when someone yelled the warning. They hurried to one of the rooms – every chamber had surveillance monitors –, and observed with suspicion the woman approaching the house.

She seemed to be somewhere around her mid-fifties, and was carrying a dodgy-looking basket. Lily's mind started reeling with the different possibilities – perhaps the lady was a disguised Death Eater… or perhaps she was a diversion of sorts…

"The scan indicates no magical items at all," Marlene said, puzzled. "Apparently not carrying a wand. That's good, but not entirely void of risk."

"I'll meet her," Lily volunteered, going to the living room. "You guys hide in different points of the living room for backup."

"All right."

"Be careful," James muttered, squeezing her hand warmly.

She smiled. "I will."

Lily opened the door, and examined the plump woman with distrust.

"Hello! Mrs. Potter, is it?"

She blinked, confused. "Yes. May I help you?"

"Hello! My name is Gail O'Connell," she replied happily. "Mrs. Baker told me you were moving in with your husband, and I thought I'd come and welcome you to Godric's Hollow."

Lily grinned at last. "Thank you."

"Well, please transmit my welcome wishes to your –"

"No, not at all, just wait a second," she said, entering the house and dragging a surprised James to the doorway. "Honey, this is Mrs. O'Connell. Mrs. O'Connell, this is my husband, James Potter."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am."

"Likewise. Oh, Rose Baker told me you two made a lovely couple, and she was absolutely right! Very lovely indeed."

James smiled warmly.

"Well, I must be on my way… It was wonderful to meet you two, and please count on me if you need anything."

"Thank you, Mrs. O'Connell. Please count on our help if you need anything as well."

"Here – I made some cookies, I thought you might like them," she said, handing them the basket.

"Thank you!"

Gail O'Connell walked away slowly – James noticed that some kind of injury or arthritis made her right leg slightly limp –, and the couple stared after her.

"Legit?" Lily asked, cocking her head to the side.

"I think so."

"Yeah, me too. Did you happen to have that Sneakoscope of yours in your pocket?"

"Yes, but I silenced it… It kept making that irritating noise whenever Skeeter was around! It didn't find anything wrong with Mrs. O'Connell, though."

"Good."

"You know, darling," he said with a joyous twinkle in his eye, wrapping his arm around her waist. "I think we're beginning to make friends in our new neighbourhood. Isn't that great?"

She laughed. "Have some cookies, sweetheart. If you like them, I'll ask her for the recipe later."

.................................................

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Every step that I take is another mistake to you…

Linkin Park, "Numb"

.................................................

"I have a bad feeling about this," Lily muttered to James while they made their way through the series of scans and magical barriers leading to the French Ministry's current office in Strasbourg under the close watch of several Aurors.

"I know… It's like a fundamental flaw is right in front of our faces and we can't see it."

"Perhaps," a distant voice said loudly through a speaker of sorts on the wall, "it's just that, for once, someone has done a better job than you. It's probably not a very good feeling."

"Hello, M. Delacour," James said tiredly. "I didn't realise you were watching us personally. What an honour."

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Potter," Alain said contemptuously in French, his voice echoing in the stony hallway. "M. Neveu is now talking to the Belgian Minister, but he won't be long. Meanwhile, you're both welcome to look around our facility – and, if impossible tasks amuse you, you can even try to find some flaws in our scheme."

"With pleasure," Lily replied, frowning. She'd already seen a flaw, and it was obvious… she just didn't know what it was.

"There is something wrong," James mumbled, staring at the surroundings.

"Well, someone could enter through –"

"Yes, of course. If someone used a Confusing charm strong enough –"

"Yeah. But that's still not it."

"No, that's not it."

Lily frowned. "Wait… there are…"

"What?"

She looked around, and seemed even more worried. "There are way too many people in here."

James sighed with relief. "Yes, exactly! If they –"

"Oh, Merlin…" she moaned, "The French don't have enough Aurors to maintain this! Other places are certainly unprotected!"

"But why –"

"M. Delacour!"

The couple turned to look at Sophie Bonacieux, who had just run in from the screening hallway.

She looked positively shaken: her hair was in disarray, and she was all dirty. Sophie was tightly clutching her wand, and seemed immensely relieved to see Lily and James.

Alain showed up out of nowhere, coming from one of the side corridors. "What happened, Mlle. Bonacieux?"

"The Ministry is under attack," she announced, panting. "I was alone with Ryder – we tried – too many dark wizards – I sent him ahead to warn you of what was happening… What, he hasn't arrived yet?"

"An English guy tried to break through our defences," a French Auror said, "we Stupefied him… We didn't have time to see who it was."

"Are you out of your mind?" Lily yelled at Alain, who was stupidly frozen in place. "How – dare – you do this? Establishing this place was an absurdly – arrogant – crazy – absurd –"

"Lily!" James intervened quickly. "We have work to do – you'll yell at him later."

She nodded, glaring at Alain. "I need permission to Apparate out of here!" she exclaimed, looking at the Aurors surrounding them. "Anyone?"

"That's not possible. You're going to have to get the proper form, and –"

"I don't have time for bureaucracy! It's an emergency!"

"I'm sorry…"

James stared hard at the surroundings. There had to be a weak link they could explore somewhere… but where?

"If anyone can find a way out, you can," Sophie said calmly, with unshaken, child-like faith in the two Chief Aurors. "Just… please, hurry."

"When we leave," Lily told her in a hurried whisper, "try to contact your brother. Write to him, saying what happened, and ask him to take Neveu to England, should James and I not return."

"But – of course you'll –"

Lily silenced her with an imperative gestured.

"I don't know…" James said all of a sudden, looking at her pointedly. "Transfigure me into an animal, Lily. Let me see what I can do."

She waved her wand and muttered some nonsensical gibberish, and James transformed into his Animagus form. The stag pranced around the facility for a couple of minutes, testing the hexes protecting the wall and the entrance corridor against his antlers.

Finally, a little hurt, he returned to where Lily stood, and transformed back into his normal self. "I got it," he announced with a small smile. "They read our strategy wrong – or perhaps we didn't indicate our initial plan properly… But there's one crucial spell missing. An actual attack will short-circuit the whole thing."

Lily frowned. "You mean –"

James pointed his wand up, and took a deep breath. Like most Aurors, he had a healthy horror of using the Unforgivables, but at times they were necessary. "Crucio!"

A red jet of light spurted from the tip of his wand, and hit the ceiling. Immediately, coloured sparks started lighting in several parts of the room, and suddenly everything went dark.

"We can Disapparate now," he said with satisfaction. "Sylvie, Apparate to the nearest place where you can send an owl post. Oh, and then come back to take control of Neveu's security."

"Yes, sir."

"You mean," Alain managed to say, still looking clueless and overall disoriented, "you mean you're going to face the attackers alone? You think you'll manage to defeat them, just the two of you?"

"Certainly," Lily replied. "Welcome to the British Ministry."

James reached for Lily's hand, and they Disapparated together.

.................................................

14. Die another day

A/N Bond songs galore! There are only songs from the 007 movies in this chapter -- except for My Way, which is an old song I adore. I don't know if you've watched any of the older movies... But oh well. "Tomorrow Never Dies", "The World Is Not Enough" and "Die Another Day" are here too. Enjoy!

…………..…………..………………….

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 14

"Die another day"

…………..…………..………………….

Darling, you've won, it's no fun – martinis, girls and guns

It's murder on our love affair… But you bet your life every night

While you chase the morning light, you're not the only spy out there!

It's so deadly, my dear, the power of wanting you near

Until the day, until the world falls away, until you say

There'll be no more goodbyes – tomorrow never dies…

Sheryl Crow, "Tomorrow never dies"

…………..…………..………………….

"They're all waiting in the visitors' entrance," Lily muttered, peeking inside. "Why on earth are they just standing there?"

There were at least half a dozen Death Eaters in the hall, most of whom were talking quietly in small clusters; two of them were having some fun destroying the Ministry furniture and throwing random hexes.

"Well, the most logical question would be, why did they attack the Ministry in first place?" James replied in a whisper. "What or who do they want?"

"They should know the Minister's not there… They wouldn't expect him to come back. So they're not after him."

"Maybe they just want to kill as many people as they can."

"But it's useless! Every employee Apparated away after hearing the alarm! It wouldn't be a smart move to attack the French Ministry, unless they were after something specific… like, if they wanted to look at the Registry, or to destroy Auror Headquarters."

"Well, attacking the French Ministry is a smarter move than attacking the British one, at any rate."

"Certainly. They don't have as many backup systems here."

"They probably didn't plan this very thoroughly – it was an impulsive decision… Your boyfriend's little stunt, instead of impressing you, created an irresistible window of opportunity for the Death Eaters."

"You think they didn't even have a goal? That they just felt like causing mayhem in the Ministry?"

"Perhaps. I wouldn't go as far as saying they didn't have a goal…"

Lily sighed, frowning.

"We have to enter."

"Yeah, let's go. Aren't we supposed to have a plan of sorts?"

"Er… We'll Stun as many as we can, that's all."

Lily threw him a look. "I thought there was a reason that everyone considered you the best strategist in the Ministry."

"Nah, it's just a big misunderstanding. All right, let's go."

…………..…………..………………….

I did what I had to do, and saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway

And more, much more than this: I did it my way…

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew, when I bit off more than I could chew

And through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall, and did it my way…

Frank Sinatra, "My Way"

…………..…………..………………….

"This… is useless!" Lily yelled, panting. "Stupefy! Protego! The bloody room has no protection – Stupefy! STUPEFY! – against Apparition! They just keep changing places!"

"We need help," James replied, running towards her and away from the three Death Eaters that had just tried to jinx him with the Cruciatus Curse. "Impedimenta! Stupefy! STUPEFY! Do you reckon we can get in touch with anyone?"

"There's no way to send an owl from here now. You can go… I'll try to –"

"Like hell I'm leaving you alone, Lily," he interrupted at once, roughly pushing her to the ground behind a desk. "Not a chance."

She looked at him with a worried expression, breathing heavily. They were definitely in trouble. There were at least ten very skilled Death Eaters in the room… Fortunately, they seemed to have orders not to kill Lily or James – but that gave the couple little relief.

"We might just have bitten off more than we can chew this time," James admitted with a grimace. "But we have to find a way to deal with it… Stupefy! If possible, without being captured."

"We have to deal with them one by one… We'll never get rid of them otherwise. If only we could just – split the group or something! STUPEFY! I don't know, I think dealing with five Death Eaters would be easier. A diversion?"

James continued to throw hexes at the dark wizards while thinking hard. He had been in tough situations before… he worked well under pressure! There had to be a way.

Think, damn it. Just THINK.

"Maybe we could take five or so each?" Lily suggested tentatively. "Impedimenta!"

"No, no. It's too risky."

"It's the only way."

"No, it can't be."

"Stop being so protective! I'm a big girl, James! I'm an Auror – a Chief Auror, just like you!"

He shook his head stubbornly. "Stupefy! STUPE– damn it – IMPEDIMENTA!"

"PROTEGO!" they yelled together, trying to prevent five red jets of light from reaching them. Immediately, a brilliant light shield was formed in front of them, deflecting the curses.

"We're running out of time," she stated hurriedly. "Come on, you can either think of something or we'll split."

"Okay, okay," he agreed. "Tell me something: what's this ceiling made out of and how is linked it to the house's external appearance?"

"Ordinary bricks and cement. This place is basically a Muggle house, just magically expanded and with a few extra protections."

He frowned. "Here's what you're going to do: you Apparate outside, do some kind of glamour so that the Muggles don't notice what's happening, and transfigure this ceiling so that it's made out of stone. Got it?"

After a brief second, she nodded. "Go."

Lily Disapparated, and James continued hurling different curses and trying to deflect the ones thrown at him. He honestly hoped that the Death Eaters didn't get sick of this cat-and-mouse game any time soon… If that happened, all they had to do was close the circle around Lily and James, forcing them to leave.

But would it be that bad an idea? If they left, at least they could get more help…

James scolded himself at once. He couldn't leave the Death Eaters and let them take full control of the French Ministry just like that!

Lily Apparated beside him with a small pop. "Done."

"Good. Now…"

"Bombarda!" they said together, pointing their wands at the ceiling above the dark wizards. Immediately, big rocks started falling, forcing the Death Eaters to Apparate around quickly just to avoid being injured.

"We have a couple of minutes until they realise what to do. Come on; let's take advantage of the situation."

…………..…………..………………….

People like us know how to survive

There's no point in living if you can't feel alive

We know when to kiss, and we know when to kill

If we can't have it all, then nobody will

The world is not enough, but it's such a perfect place to start

My love, if you're strong enough, together we can take the world apart…

Garbage, "The world is not enough"

…………..…………..………………….

"Three… two… one," Marlene whispered.

Dorcas followed her, tightly clutching her wand, poised for a full-on attack.

It didn't happen. Two Death Eaters were on the ground, bound by an Anti-Disapparition Jinx, and Lily and James were duelling with two wizards each. The others had left – presumably to get backup.

The room was impeccably neat – it was easy to guess that one of the Aurors had used magic to clean up the place.

"Hey!" Lily greeted them, smiling. The two girls noticed that she looked very, very tired… The situation didn't look too bad, but it had obviously been hard to achieve the current balance.

"What can we do to help?"

"We need to block this place against Apparition," James replied from the other side of the room. "We can handle these guys for now – but we need seven people to cast the spell before more come."

"I'm going," Dorcas replied at once, Disapparating.

"Take one of them, would you, Marlene?" Lily asked, barely dodging a hex.

"Okay, sure."

After a few minutes of rough duelling, Dorcas returned, with Sylvie, Katrina and Alain. James gave her a pointed look when he saw the latter, and she grinned – unfortunately, they had been the only ones available… The rest of the team was busy taking Jacques Neveu to safety in Godric's Hollow, just in case the Death Eaters wanted to attack him there as well.

"Three!" Lily yelled from her corner of the room, conjuring a shield so that she could do her part in the anti-Apparition jinx.

"Two!" James and Marlene replied, also preparing to cast the spell.

"One!"

They all pointed their wands at the ceiling, and chanted as one the incantation necessary to prevent anyone from Disapparating. The Death Eaters took advantage of the pause to Enervate their Stunned companions and free them.

"Dorcas and I will manage to handle three of them between us," Marlene said as soon as the spell had been cast, looking at the Chief Aurors. "You two take a break… You've done enough."

…………..…………..………………….

Hey baby, thought you were the one who tried to run away

Oh, baby, wasn't I the one who made you want to stay?

Please don't bet that you'll ever escape me once I get my sights on you

I got a licence to kill, and, you know, I'm going straight for your heart

Got a licence to kill anyone who tries to tear us apart…

Gladys Knight, "Licence to kill"

…………..…………..………………….

Lily and James nodded, and he wiped the sweat off his brow, sitting on the ground. She followed suit, and they watched the others duelling with dark wizards. It was certainly easier to handle just one Death Eater each – the Aurors were more than capable of maintaining theit current advantage.

"Delacour's not bad," James remarked, not loud enough for the others to hear. Oh, he wouldn't be caught dead complimenting Lily's boyfriend in public. "He duels quite well."

"No, he's not," Lily agreed. "He's a great Auror."

"I don't have a very high opinion of his skills… he doesn't seem to have the right temperament for the job."

"Oh, and I do?" she retorted at once. James smiled. "He's very good at what he does. It's just – well, he's more of an office guy. He's one of the few Aurors I know who can deal with politicians… He can do it better than you, actually."

"You do know that it's useless to try and make me envy him, right?"

"Yes, of course," Lily replied, grinning. "I'm just saying… He's good at it."

"What about what happened today? A good Auror wouldn't have let that happen."

She sighed, and deflected a stray curse that had come their way. "That was unforgivable. He'll probably suffer some kind of sanction because of that stupid blunder."

"Probably? He should be sacked!"

She shook her head. "Things don't work that way. His father is one of the richest men in France… They can't fire him just like that."

"But if he screws up –"

"They won't sack him. They might demote him, or perhaps not even that. Alain's really the best Auror when it comes to diplomacy, and everyone knows it."

"But when it comes to field work –" James said with a snort.

"Everybody likes him," Lily replied impatiently. "He is good at this. Alain could be better in the field if he put more effort into it – but he works mostly in the office, that's all."

"Office people shouldn't be isolated from the field. The results of that are missions like the Strasbourg one – a Chief Auror who's totally distant from reality ends up spoiling the work of all the other lower-level ones."

"Well, yes. But that wasn't his rationality talking – he was just trying to prove to me that he was as good as you. Protego!"

"Ah, he did a pretty good job, didn't he?"

…………..…………..………………….

For every sin, I'll have to pay; I've come to work, I've come to play

I think I'll find another way: it's not my time to go

I'm gonna avoid the cliché; I'm gonna suspend my senses

I'm gonna delay my pleasure; I'm gonna close my body now

I guess, die another day…

Madonna, "Die another day"

…………..…………..………………….

Lily grinned. "He just forgot to think about the consequences, that's all. You can't blame him for not thinking like a Death Eater."

"This isn't too complex a guess! The Ministry's void of Aurors – hey, who knows, they might just think about invading! Voldemort wouldn't lose an opportunity like that."

"Only if he thought this was a trap…"

"I bet his people checked the Strasbourg place and noticed that it would be hard for Aurors to leave, and respond to his attacks."

"Probably."

"But yeah, I guess no one can be blamed for not trying to follow Voldemort's trail of thought."

Lily's voice was suddenly very quiet, and she looked away, deep in thought. "Have you met him?"

James grimaced. "Yes. He – we duelled. He almost killed me… But Sirius managed to create a brief diversion, so we escaped. He's – dark."

She nodded. It was hard to describe the feeling one had upon confronting the Dark Lord… He was chilling, terrifying, powerful, and dark.

Lily couldn't imagine how he could have ever been anything remotely human. Yes, that was it – one of the reasons why his presence was so unnerving was that he was notably inhuman. He was a… a being who would never hesitate before killing someone, or destroying someone's life just for fun.

Voldemort was incredibly frightening. It was one thing to fight his minions, and another altogether to look into his snakelike, red eyes and rise above one's fear of the most powerful evil wizard of all time…

The actual decision to raise one's wand and attack the Dark Lord was very signifying. When meeting him, most people just stood there stupidly, frozen with fear. But a few managed to conquer their terror and attack him… futilely, yes, but for them the gesture meant a life-changing liberation.

Oh, of course Lily remembered the day she'd met Voldemort for the first and only time… She would never forget it. Even now, the memory still filled her with dread and a strange kind of panic she had never before experienced.

…………..…………..………………….

Golden words he will pour in your ear

But his lies can't disguise what you fear

For a golden girl knows when he's kissed her

It's the kiss of death from Mr. Goldfinger

Pretty girl, beware of this heart of gold

This heart is cold…

Shirley Bassey, "Goldfinger"

…………..…………..………………….

Lily remembered the initial shock of confronting Lord Voldemort. He had appeared unexpectedly – no one had had any idea that the Dark Lord was in France. But there he was… and he had targeted Lily as his prey.

His eyes had zeroed in on her, and before she'd realised it, she'd been hit with the Cruciatus Curse. The Dark Lord knew she was the leader of the team… He just knew…

Yes, Voldemort seemed omniscient and omnipotent… He was like Dumbledore, in a way – but of course the two of them couldn't be more different. Lily felt incredibly insignificant when facing either one, but for entirely different reasons.

It was useless to fight it; it was useless to hide from him. That was the only thought running through her mind as she bent forward – she just wished the pain would end…

But then Lily had come to her senses. She couldn't do it – it wasn't worthy of the trust Dumbledore had put in her. She was a member of the Order of the Phoenix; she was one of the best Aurors in the French Ministry… She couldn't give in this effortlessly!

It had been hard to stand and duel with Lord Voldemort. Beyond any doubt, he was the greatest wizard against which she'd ever fought…

The skirmish had lasted only a few minutes, but Lily had been scarred for a long time – both physically and mentally. He had asked her to join the dark side; he had offered knowledge greater and deeper than she could ever obtain… He knew power attracted her, and knowledge…

To this day, Lily didn't know why or how she had managed to escape from the Dark Lord. Perhaps he didn't want to kill her yet –maybe he thought she'd still join him later… Well, that didn't matter. She'd survived an encounter with the Dark Lord… Not many Aurors lived to tell similar tales.

"I met him soon after I came to France, too."

James sighed. "We're lucky to have survived."

"We're lucky to survive each day, being Aurors and all."

"True. I wouldn't trade this life for any other, though."

"Of course not. I love my profession."

"Did you ever really consider being a Healer?"

"No."

"So… what? You did Healer training just for kicks?"

"It almost killed me! I was permanently on the verge of a nervous breakdown! It's hard enough to finish Healer training maintaining a good average, let alone finishing both Auror and Healer courses!"

"You're insane."

"Oh, no, I'm normal. You drive me insane, that's all."

He grinned. "Yes, it's all my fault."

"Entirely."

…………..…………..………………….

The living's in the way we die

Comes the morning and the headlights fade away

Hundred thousand people, I'm the one they frame

I've been waiting long for one of us to say

Spare the darkness, let it never fade away…

A-ha, "The Living Daylights"

…………..…………..………………….

Angela Fenwick's greatest dream was to be a journalist. And not just any journalist! Oh, no, Angela wanted to be the new Rita Skeeter.

Miss Skeeter, despite only having been around for a few years, had already built a solid reputation (as a sensationalist con artist, but that wasn't the point) and was one of the main journalists at the Daily Prophet. Whereas Mrs. Fenwick's greatest career achievement yet had been becoming supervisor of the secretaries working for Rita Skeeter…

It was depressing, really. She often wondered if she'd ever make it big time. After all, it was her job to obtain big scoops – but it was Rita Skeeter who chased them and turned them into Daily Prophet cover stories. Angela hardly ever had the opportunity to write her own articles… And, whenever she did, Rita always looked down on them, and criticised her heavily.

Well, perhaps she wasn't that good a writer. And Angela did admit that she had never gotten along very well with grammar. And yes, her articles had never exactly been front cover material – not even close.

But that wasn't the point. She had never had a real opportunity!

Until now, that is.

An owl had just arrived with a story. A big story. And there was no way Angela was going to give that to Rita Skeeter. The journalist was really busy, after all, making the final touches to the story of the Potters' marriage for Witch Weekly.

But oh, Rita's story would be a mere footnote in the Prophet! The Potters had just saved the French Ministry from a murderous hoard of Death Eaters, and Angela would write about it!

She sighed dreamily. A promotion was bound to come out of this… Who knows, perhaps she'd even manage to nail Skeeter's current post!

All she had to do now was go to Paris to collect some first-hand accounts of what had happened – which wouldn't be too hard – and then somehow she would have to get in touch with the Potters themselves…

Normally, that would be nearly impossible. Even Skeeter had had a hard time obtaining all the clearances necessary to get in touch with the couple, since they were both extremely high-profile Aurors. But Angela would face no such difficulties.

In truth, she had known Lily for quite some years now, even though they had never been friends. And her husband, Benjamin, certainly had a way of getting in touch with her. See, he'd had an affair with her a few years ago – Angela wasn't quite certain of when it had ended, or how, but she knew it had happened. And, strangely enough, she'd forgiven him.

It was now time for him to do something in return. Having connections to Lily Ev– Potter was going to save Angela's career.

Not losing a second, she had sent Benjamin an owl the moment she heard the first rumours. She now held a parchment with his answer: he was going to pass by the Prophet to pick her up in a few minutes, and they'd go meet Lily.

Benjamin's confidence was interesting, really. How could he know for sure that he would manage to get in touch with Lily?

An annoying suspicion began to form in the back of Angela's mind. What if they had resumed their affair?

Angela then remembered James Potter's face – his warm, charming smile… The protective way he'd behaved around Lily, and their blatant attachment…

No, Lily wouldn't cheat on James with Benjamin. Angela hadn't read Skeeter's story yet, but she knew for sure that the Potters – despite whatever Rita wrote in her article – were a happy, loving couple. Of course she wondered why they had gotten married in secret, but she'd certainly read all about that in the next edition of Witch Weekly. It didn't matter.

Even though Benjamin might have meant something to Lily at some point, he didn't mean anything else to her now. James had her heart.

Thinking back, Angela suddenly remembered the way her husband had glared at James. Oh, yes. Benjamin knew very well that he had lost Lily for good… and he didn't like it one bit.

Angela grinned.

She didn't feel sorry for him – not one bit.

…………..…………..………………….

You only live twice, or so it seems

One life for yourself and one for your dreams

You drift through the years and life seems tame

Till one dream appears – and love is its name

And love is a stranger who will beckon you on

Don't think of the danger, or the stranger is gone

This dream is for you, so pay the price

Make one dream come true – you only live twice…

Nancy Sinatra, "You only live twice"

…………..…………..………………….

"'Look, Julia,' he snapped all of a sudden, 'I don't have time for this right now. Go home, we'll talk about it later,'" Julia said, tears streaming down her face. "And then I told him – well, I'm leaving tomorrow on a mission, and I won't see him until after his birthday, and it's not fair!"

Leylann frowned. "What did he say?"

"He barely even looked at me!" she wailed, her frail body shaking with sobs. "He was so busy with the Minister, and making sure his precious Lily was all right…"

"Lily went through quite an ordeal today," Leylann reprimanded her softly. "He was worried about her, it's –"

"Whose side are you on anyway?" Julia spat, tying her hair up in a loose knot. "James always cares more about her! He probably wouldn't even bother attending my funeral if I died on this mission!"

"Now, Julia, it's not –"

"He yelled at me, all right? He's never done that before. 'Get the hell out of here,' that's what he told me. In front of everyone! Can you imagine – the – humiliation? Why's he doing this to me?"

"He was probably just busy…"

Julia shook her head emphatically, and her brown hair fell all over her face, sticking to her wet cheeks. She impatiently brushed it away. "Does that mean he has to treat me like that?"

"No. No, it doesn't."

"Why is he doing this? Does he think I'll start trying to get his attention, which would make Lily jealous and make her dump Alain in order to be closer to James? And that would make him push me even further away… but he wouldn't break up with me, because he'll want to have something to use against Lily at any time? And also –"

"No, no!" Leylann hurried to interrupt her. "You're assuming that guys think like girls… They don't, really. They're totally incapable of following those complex trails of thought."

"But, well, he's a strategist! He –"

"All the Marauders have relationship issues, Julia, and I'm familiar with most of them. I assure you, if James were capable of thinking about all the consequences of his actions, you wouldn't be in this situation. Guys just don't think before doing stupid things… at least those guys don't. Or any other man I've ever met, for that matter. Except for Dumbledore," she added as an afterthought.

Julia gave a watery smile. "How do you know them so well?"

"Well, I've known those guys since forever… Thirteen years, if I'm not mistaken."

"It's a long time… And you dated Sirius – when, exactly?"

Leylann wondered why Julia would want to change the subject… It wasn't like her to avoid discussing her problems. "Sixth year. We get back together every once in a while– but no commitment."

"Do you love him?"

"Only as a friend."

"But… you don't behave like friends. You're all… comfortable… I can't quite describe it."

"Our relationship was never that rare, once-in-a-lifetime feeling that lasts despite time and distance, and all that crap. We just remained really close, so I got to know him."

"Do you think Lily and James are an example of what you said? Do you think they still love each other, despite everything?" Julia asked hotly, and the jealous fire in her eyes alarmed Leylann for the first time.

The girl wouldn't give in too easily – she still had a few tricks up her sleeve. Lily was underestimating Julia… She wouldn't let herself be shoved aside that easily.

Leylann actually wondered how far Julia would go to keep James. She'd probably even forgive him if he cheated on her with Lily…

Merlin, Leylann sure hoped James wouldn’t lead Julia on for much longer. It was cruel, really.

Julia had been Lily's friend in first place, and Leylann had never really put much effort into maintaining the friendship– the girl was way too pure for her liking. And yet now she was… Julia was forcing Leylann to take a position against the Potters' reconciliation.

She grinned inwardly. The Potters. Oh, she had to talk to Lily soon about that. How could she just – forget to tell Leylann about her marriage? She'd had to find out all about it in a short article from the Prophet, just like everyone else!

"I'm not sure," she replied hesitatingly. "I don't think so… but they hardly ever convey their true feelings. So how can I know?"

"I don't know!" Julia exclaimed, trying to hold back tears, and failing. "How do you do it, Leylann? You're so tough, and so smart… You can always keep your head straight despite everything. You'd never let a guy play you!"

"Oh, but you couldn't be more wrong. I've let far too many guys play me – I've been heartbroken so many times… No, Lily's the tough one. And even she has gotten thrown off her high horse, even though she tried to keep her cool and not let any guys get to her."

"James has, hasn't he? She really loved him, I remember."

"Yes, she did," Leylann admitted with tranquillity. "She loved him more than she has ever loved another man. And he broke her heart. I assure you she does not want to get romantically involved with him again."

"But they keep flirting!"

"They always do! Face it, Julia: both Lily and James are highly attractive, and they know each other very well – certainly well enough to justify all those innuendos. You shouldn't let those things get to you, that's all."

"If what he's doing with Lily is just meaningless flirting, then why is he so distant?"

Leylann was silent. How could she answer that? She was in a very difficult situation – she couldn't possibly tell Julia the truth. It would be too disheartening for the girl to know that there was no hope whatsoever for James and her.

Anyway, her first loyalty was to Lily; Leylann would much sooner lie to Julia than to her best friend.

"Why did he yell at me, Leylann?"

"Well… That's not too bad."

"Yes, it is!"

"He yells at Lily all the time."

"And she yells back! Because they hate each other! But I'm not like that – of course all I could do was stand there and cry, because I'm not used to having James angry with me!"

Perhaps that's symptomatic, Leylann thought dryly. "Are you sure he's never yelled at you before?"

"Yes! He's always so sweet and attentive… and when he's in a bad mood, he just snaps, or he just hides inside that office of his. He's been doing that a lot lately, actually."

"You two don't have arguments?" Leylann asked incredulously. That certainly didn't seem like the James she knew.

"Yes, of course we do. I say something angrily, he snaps, I reply, he apologises and that's it."

Leylann sighed. James and Julia's days together were numbered – it was useless to try and hide that fact. She just didn't know how to tell it to poor, lovesick Julia.

Ah, well. Thankfully, that wasn't her job. James had always been great with break-up speeches, after all.

…………..…………..………………….

Say that somebody tries to make a move on you

In the blink of an eye, I'll be there too

And they better know why I'm gonna make them pay till their dying day

I got a licence to kill, and, you know, I'm going straight for your heart

Got a licence to kill anyone who tries to tear us apart…

Gladys Knight, "Licence to kill"

…………..…………..………………….

"So that's when I told him, I said, 'Do you know whom you're talking to?' and, as soon as he realised his big mistake, he immediately let us enter," the French Minister said, laughing. "And of course he couldn't stop apologising and making a fool out of himself."

Lily smiled condescendingly. She had been stuck with Jacques Neveu's personal security in this shift… Alas, someone would replace her in two hours. Two WHOLE hours. Much to her chagrin, he couldn't stop talking. And, to make matters worse, he kept flirting with her.

He always had done it, to be honest… But she had never before been forced to spend this much time alone with Neveu. Oh, he was quite attractive, and definitely had the kind of charm she looked for in a man… but he was a relative of her current boyfriend!

Ah, Alain would freak out if he found out about this! Jacques was only daring to go a little further today because he thought she was no longer dating his nephew (well, not quite "nephew"… more like cousin twice removed on his mother's side, but you get the picture).

But never mind Alain's reaction! He was there in Godric's Hollow too, along with a few other French dignitaries, but he was quite busy at the moment. It was James' reaction that amused Lily the most.

To put it mildly, he wanted to kill Neveu.

See, James didn't feel threatened by Alain, not one bit. But the charming French Minister of Magic was an unforeseen threat that greatly unbalanced him. He'd done everything he could to stop Lily from taking this shift, and had in fact changed most of the team's schedule for the next few days because of that… But tonight, she was stuck with Neveu.

"Of course he was fired soon afterwards," he continued. "And the new maitre d' treats me wonderfully. Have to have connections everywhere, that's my motto."

"That's very wise of you."

"Chief," Amelia called suddenly, appearing at the door. "There's someone here to see you."

"Excuse me," she said to Neveu, standing.

"No problem."

Lily left the room and closed the door. "Who is it?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Fenwick."

She raised her eyebrows, surprised.

"They're not here yet, but they've sent word of their arrival. I figured I'd save you from Neveu a little earlier than necessary… You don't mind, do you?"

"No, not at all! Thank you."

"He's quite… charismatic," Amelia pondered.

"Yes, he is. But not quite my cup of tea… Feel free!"

Amelia laughed. "Thanks, I'll pass. Marlene might like the idea, though."

"Make sure to give her the go-ahead, then."

"I will. Listen, I have to go finish something, Lily. I'll see you around."

"See you."

Amelia walked away, and Lily remained in the hallway, thinking. Why were Benjamin and Angela coming? What could they possibly want?

Suddenly, she stood very still, feeling a pleasant source of warmth close to her, and someone breathing against her neck.

There was someone right behind her – and she had a pretty good idea of whom that was.

…………..…………..………………….

You've got all the moves – ah, but baby, I've got them too

No matter your attitude or your mood, I'll come through

The touch of your voice, the feel of your eyes on me – you leave me no choice

Though I know there's danger there, I don't care – let it be

To get it bad with a man who says never may have no future

But then I could just be the woman to reach you

And teach you to say never again…

Lani Hall, "Never say never"

…………..…………..………………….

"Hey," said James, wrapping his arm around her waist from behind. "Are you feeling better?"

With a content sigh, she leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Yeah, I'm just a bit tired."

"That's understandable. Neveu must have bored you so much."

She couldn't hold back a grin. "Neveu isn't boring."

"So you like it when he flirts with you?"

"I admit he's a bit too old, but then again, he's my boss."

"Oh, so you'll accept a guy's advances if he's your boss?" James asked at once. "That's good to know."

She laughed. "You're not my boss."

"Well, technically –"

Lily turned to face him. "I'll accept your advances any time you want me to do so," she replied, her voice barely a whisper. "Just remember… in this house we're being watched all the time."

"Is that supposed to be a turn-off?"

She shrugged, and he kissed her.

"I really don't mind it that much," James breathed out, biting her lip. "But I'll wait. Not for long, but I'll wait."

"Good."

"Benjy and his wife are coming here – have you heard?"

"Yes, Amelia told me. And don't call him Benjy."

"Any idea of what they want?"

"Well, they've probably found out we're married in today's Prophet. But Skeeter's interview's only coming out tomorrow… so they might just want details. That doesn't make too much sense, but it's the only logical explanation."

"Poor Benjy… He must be so jealous."

"James, would you stop calling him that? He hates it."

"I happen to like it."

Lily sighed. In times like this, she could see with astonishing clarity just why James was Sirius' best friend. How could he be so childish?

"I think it's safe for you to recruit him to the Order now," James stated all of a sudden, surprising her. "We voted on it weeks ago but you still haven't talked to him."

"True. And I'll also talk to him about getting that position for Amelia."

"Oh yeah, good thinking."

"Okay then. I should go meet him," Lily said, but she didn't move.

"Yes, you should," James agreed, but also didn't move an inch. "Have fun."

After a few seconds, Lily shook her head, annoyed at her own reluctance to leave James. "We aren't sleeping in the same room, right?"

"No."

"Good, because otherwise there would be no way we'd ever get any work done."

"Of course."

"Yeah, these days will be awful," she remarked, stepping back at last.

"Tell me about it."

…………..…………..………………….

You'll never know how it feels to get so close and be denied

It's a golden honey trap I've got for you tonight

Revenge is a kiss – this time I won't miss

Now I've got you in my sights with a golden eye…

Tina Turner, "Goldeneye"

…………..…………..………………….

What a day.

Indeed, the past twenty-four hours had been extremely odd for Lily. Funny, she'd already had this feeling quite a few times in the past week… But this time, it was worse than usual.

First she'd almost slept with Alain, but her husband (oh, she never got tired of calling him that) had interrupted; afterwards, she'd faced an interview with Rita Skeeter; then Lily and James had fought off numerous Death Eaters, and had almost been killed. Later, they had both gotten stuck in Godric's Hollow with Neveu – and now this.

Just to wrap up her uneventful day, she'd had to give an interview to her ex-fling's wife, and had been obliged to have a rather uncomfortable talk with him about her latest discoveries concerning her wedding.

Lily knew that her marriage story didn't seem too believable. How could she have been married all along and not known it? It was so far-fetched! But the worst about it was that it was true. It seemed like a bit of a joke, really, but… well, though it didn't quite bug her, she now wondered if it would cause her a lot of trouble.

Anyway, the result of the day's events was that she was completely exhausted. Lily felt utterly incapable of even lifting a finger. Thankfully, James had made sure to schedule some of the Aurors who had worked less today to take the graveyard and morning shifts so that she could get some rest.

So now here she was, staring at the ceiling. Memories kept swimming in her mind, both pleasurable and thought-provoking ones, and she couldn't help but wonder whether James was already asleep.

Lily propped herself up on her elbows and looked at the many panels on the opposite wall. She felt lazy, too lazy to look for him in all those screens… Amelia – who had been chosen to share a room with her – was watching them closely, so it was easier just to ask her.

"Is James awake, Mel?"

Amelia frowned. It took her a couple of seconds to find him. "Yes. He's giving instructions to the French."

"Thanks."

"Alain's on his way here," she announced all of a sudden. Lily groaned. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Yes, I guess so."

"I'm sorry, you probably get this question all the time, but… Why don't you just dump him?"

Lily sighed. "I'm so tired I don't even remember."

Amelia grinned. "Behave, ok? Don't be too mean. I'll be watching."

"It's useless, those things don't transmit sound. But all right, I won't be too mean."

"Just tell him your work colleague can't keep his hands off you. It's really quite simple."

"It's even simpler than that: I've reconciled with my husband, and Alain's in the way."

"You're right, it really is very simple."

"Yes."

…………..…………..………………….

Nobody does it better, though sometimes I wish someone could

Nobody does it quite the way you do – did you have to be so good?

The way that you hold me whenever you hold me

There's some kind of magic inside you

That keeps me from running – but just keep it coming!

Carly Simon, "Nobody does it better"

…………..…………..………………….

"I'm done with this," Alain said the moment he entered the room. "I'm – I'm done. I can't handle it anymore."

Lily sighed tiredly and didn't answer.

"You – you and this Potter – it's – why? Why are you doing this to me, to us? Lily…"

"Listen, Alain, I've had a rough day… Can we talk tomorrow?"

"No, we can't!"

Lily frowned. She hated it when Alain decided to be strong-willed and stubborn. He invariably picked the wrong issues, the ones that annoyed her the most… and the worst of it: always, always at the most inconvenient times.

"Alain…"

"No, hang on a second. It's my turn. Look, Lily, I love you, and I'm pretty sure you already know that. I love you more than I could ever love another woman, and I gave up a lot to be with you."

Oh, no, Lily groaned inwardly. Now he was going to play the guilt card. Yes, it was entirely her fault that he'd rejected his father's choice of a wife. Well, if anything, Alain had at least learned how to resist his family's pressure a bit more.

"I know."

"I think we should end this."

Strangely enough, Alain's statement took Lily by surprise. Oh, of course she'd been treating him horribly – that wasn't the point. But he couldn't break up with her! It was supposed to be the other way around, not like this! She could not be dumped!

The last man who had had the nerve to break up with her had been James. That, her pride accepted with less difficulty. But Alain! Alain! No, he couldn't do this to her.

"But – but –" she stammered.

Lily didn't miss the slight gleam in his eyes when witnessing her shaken reaction. He mistook it for a sign of affection on her part – so she did love him after all… Well, it appeared that he would just have to wait a little, and she would come back to him. Excellent.

Lily did nothing to correct his misapprehension.

"We're over. By all means, go ahead and stay with your husband if you wish to do so. I will no longer be an obstacle. If you ever want to come back to Paris – and I don't doubt that someday you'll realise what a huge mistake you've made –, I might be there."

Not quite knowing how to respond, Lily just nodded. How could she not have the last word? How could he just – just decide to leave her? Alain still loved her… why was he doing this to her?

Lily felt like screaming at herself. Was she actually angry because of the break-up with Alain? By all means, what had just happened was exactly what she'd been expecting for days, or even weeks!

She didn't care about him, she really didn't. The situation had been a little tough on her pride, but her heart had not been upset.

"Bye, Lil."

She was left alone in the room, mulling over what had just happened. Was this really it? Had she gotten rid of Alain at last?

No. No, it was he who had gotten rid of her. What an odd anticlimax. What now? She was officially free to be with James whenever she wanted… But there was still Julia.

Just give me time, she thought smugly, hugging a big pillow with a satisfied smile and soon drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

…………..…………..………………….

A/N I'm sorry I keep forgetting to update this story here, I really am. It is a rather mediocre New Year's Resolution to upload new chapters on fanfiction . net and here at the same time, but it is one I intend on fulfilling.

Hm, something I should probably tell you (even though it is a shameless plug): this story has three prequels, up on ff.net (same author name), which are "Merry Christmas, war is over," "Reason" and "Whiskey Lullaby," in this order. I'll see if I upload them to portkey one of these days…

Anyway, thank you guys for the reviews! And happy new year!

15. Can't fight the moonlight

…………..…………..………………….

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 15

"Can't Fight The Moonlight"

…………..…………..………………….

We are following through every dream and every need

And it really doesn't matter if we don't eat; it really doesn't matter if we never sleep

No, it really doesn't matter, really doesn't matter at all

'Cause we are so young now, we are so young, so young now

And when tomorrow comes, we'll just do it all again…

The Corrs, "So Young"

…………..…………..………………….

"Are you ready?"

Lily turned and grinned at her friend's appearance. Leylann's short black hair had been lengthened a bit, reaching her shoulders, and she was wearing a simple black dress. She had obviously had no patience to gussy up – not an unusual occurrence.

Lily, on the other hand, had spent the better part of the last hour in front of the mirror, trying to decide what to wear. She had not brought many items of clothing to Leylann's house, and that of course meant that she had been obliged Apparate to France and back several times in order to make a passable choice.

"I am," she replied, checking the mirror one last time.

Leylann grinned. "Oh, but Mrs. Potter, you look way too slutty! As one of the 'most respected and distinguished, strong women in Britain nowadays' –"

Lily shook her head with a grimace. "Would you please, PLEASE stop quoting that stupid article every five seconds?"

"I can't! You get so annoyed every time I do it! It's fun!"

Lily shook her head. Sometimes it was very, very easy to understand why Leylann and Sirius got along so well. "James and I really tried hard to influence that article, you know. We created this whole little story that wouldn't be too bad and would hopefully be appealing to Skeeter… but she still went and wrote something much worse than either of us had expected."

"Aw, no! All hail Rita Skeeter! She managed to portray you and James as an excessively liberal, but absolutely adorable couple. You couldn't hope for more than that!"

"According to her, we're both great Aurors, but I'm a slut and James is a player. And yet we love each other deeply. Moreover, we're considering expanding the family. I swear – that woman is insane."

"But you are a bit of a slut. And James is a bit of a player."

Lily scowled. "That's not the point. Plus, seriously, I haven't had sex in months! Before we broke up, I hadn't cheated on Alain since –"

"– since setting your sights on James. Oh, drop it, Lily. You were not cut out for monogamy, right?"

"Of course not! Marriage is an artificial institution and I despise it."

"This coming from someone who's been married for seven years…"

"What's wrong with that?"

Leylann sighed, and lay down on the bed. "Nothing."

"Good."

"I feel kind of sorry for Mrs. Fenwick, though. Skeeter totally absorbed her story, and she just got a small thank-you as a collaborator."

"Well, her portrayal of us was totally incompatible with Rita's."

"True. I still pity her, though."

"Yeah, well, what to do?"

…………..…………..………………….

If you want me, let me know; I promise I won't say no (…)

If you want me, don't play games – I promise it won't be in vain

Follow your heart, your intuition – it will lead you in the right direction

Let go of your mind; your intuition is easy to find

Just follow your heart, baby…

Jewel, "Intuition"

…………..…………..………………….

"So… Did you see? I kept this room pretty much the same way you left it. Actually, I'd been thinking about asking you… Why don't you move back to London? There's space here… You're not going back to France, and we both know it."

"Well… I have my own place there. It's better, I guess."

Leylann rolled her eyes. "The problem is that red painting in my living room, isn't it?"

Lily laughed. "Yes! I hate that thing!"

"I knew it! All right, I'll get rid of the damned painting. Anything else?"

"No. But… I don't know, Leylann. I don't want to simply leave my life behind…"

"You've already lost contact with most of your friends there, haven’t you?"

"Yes, but –"

"The ones you still talk to will have no problem finding you here. Plus, it'll be easier to avoid Alain."

"Hmm, true."

"So, what do you say?"

"All right… I'll come."

Leylann beamed. "Great! It'll be just like old times!"

"Except that James will be around every once in a while… do you mind?"

"Of course not! Sirius might be around as well, you know. And Jason, actually."

Lily frowned, puzzled. "Jason?"

"Yeah, he's a Healer at St. Mungo's."

"What happened to Gabriel?"

"I found out he was married."

Lily grimaced sympathetically. "I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's fine. I didn't like him enough to justify any moping or anything. And then Jason asked me out to lunch today. That was great, because I hate taking the Sunday shift and I always need something to brighten up my day."

"What's he like?"

"Ooh, he's really nice… I – he –"

"Oh!" Lily realised suddenly. "Are you talking about Mr. Green Eyes?"

Leylann smiled sheepishly. "Yes…"

"He asked you out? Whoa! You've had your eye on him for ages!"

"Yeah! It was so great…"

Lily grinned. Leylann's love life was so… normal! Why couldn't she have one just like that?

…………..…………..………………….

I don't expect my love affairs to last for long

Never fooled myself that my dreams would come true

Being used to trouble, I anticipated, but all the same I hate it! (…)

Time and time again, I've said that I don't care

That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through

But every time it matters, all my words desert me…

Evita Soundtrack, "Another suitcase in another hall"

…………..…………..………………….

"Anyway, we should go."

"No, let's wait a bit more. I don't want to get there too early."

Leylann threw her a funny look. "The house is definitely already full… Why don't you want to get there now?"

"I – don't know, Julia's not there, and James… I don't know. I don't want to rush things."

Leylann laughed. "Rush things? Oh, please! You've been killing yourself the whole week because you couldn't be with him!"

"What, am I supposed to consider it normal for a guy to come and lay down beside me in the middle of the night? Especially when we both knew that we couldn't do anything other than just fool around discreetly? It was mean!"

"Well, I wouldn't consider giving him head under that Invisibility Cloak a very wise decision either. Anyone could've seen you guys!"

Lily grinned.

"It's like you're addicted to him! You can't spend a day without talking to him, thinking about him, being with him… Seriously, it's a bit preoccupying. This can't be normal, Lily."

"I need him, that's all. You have no idea what it's like to dream about someone for so long… Once I have him, things will be more normal, I promise. It's just – you're right, I'm… addicted," Lily stated with a sly grin. "I've got to have my fix of him."

"I know."

"He seems to be under the impression that I'll shag him tonight."

Leylann stared at her with genuine disbelief. "You won’t?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Honestly, Lily, if you don't… Then you're most definitely mental. Enjoy the opportunity, for goodness' sake. It's not that big a deal."

"No, it isn't. It's just that we've been waiting for such a long time… Ugh. I'm afraid we'll end up being thrown in that downward spiral of expectations and feelings and commitment… Merlin knows I can't handle that."

"I think you should stop worrying about that. Truthfully, if you still have feelings for him, you'll realise it sooner or later, and there's nothing you can do about it. So come on, relax!"

"I don’t know… I'm just not sure …"

"After everything you two have already done, after this cat-and-mouse chase that's driven us all insane… It's ridiculous to have second thoughts."

"Yeah, I know that's what it looks like, but it was… it was just like a game all along! And, and now it's suddenly serious… I shouldn't – no, I won't go."

"What?"

"I just – well, I'll see him tomorrow morning at work, and we'll talk."

"Lily… You know as well as I do that James will forget all about the party if he sees me coming in alone! He'll come and get you, no doubt about it."

"Not if you don't tell him where I am, he won't."

"But – but… Merlin, you're complicated. Think about it, Lily. You're going to regret it if you don't go."

Lily frowned, and hesitated before admitting, "I've never felt like this before! I'm scared, all right? I'm just… I know James isn't like all the others. And come on, you don't need to tell me to take one-night-stands lightly! I am a bit of a slut, but I do all that to prove to myself that I don't care… And, and with him I do care. I wonder if he'll just dump me after tomorrow morning! I worry that he'll value Julia more after shagging me! I – he makes me think about the future, and that scares me!"

"Lil –"

"In the past few years, I've only gotten involved with guys who loved me more than I did them. But James… he doesn't love me, either. How can I know he won't treat me like – just one more girl?"

…………..…………..………………….

If there's a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I've already won that

No man is worth the aggravation – that's ancient history, been there, done that

(Who do you think you're kidding? He's the earth and heaven to you) (…)

Oh, no chance, no way, I won't say it! (You swoon, you sigh, why deny it?)

It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love…

Hercules soundtrack, "I won't say (I'm in love)"

…………..…………..………………….

Leylann could have used the obvious he's-crazy-about-you approach, but she decided not to do so. "Why don't you want to be treated like any other girl?"

Lily looked at her, surprised. "Does anyone like to be treated that way?"

"Well, you've treated many guys that way, and vice-versa. Your behaviour towards most of them justified that treatment. They didn't care, and neither did you. But this is different. You care. And rest assured that James knows you well enough to see that. He cares, too. You two might not love each other anymore – or maybe you do, and you're just in denial, who knows? –, but you obviously care a lot about each other."

"But –"

"You're not just after the physical, Lily, and we both know it. James is more than just a guy to you – he represents the happiest year of your life. That's what you really want. You want to be happy again. You don't like living the way you do now – despite all the crap you say, you are pro-commitment, and you do dream about Mr. Right just like any other girl. And that's what he is to you."

"James is not Mr. Right! I don't want to be with him for good! Goodness, Leylann, I do want to settle, but not any time soon!"

Leylann grimaced. "Just tell me something then, Mrs. Potter. Why weren’t you at all bothered about this marriage? Why didn't you rush to get a divorce?"

Lily shrugged.

"What would you say if James wanted to give your marriage a try, for real?"

"I would – I would try to dissuade him."

"Why?"

"Because we'd break up eventually, and it would –"

"So you won't get involved with James just because you're afraid of being away from him?"

"Well, basically, yeah."

Leylann sighed. "I suppose it's too much to ask of you to ignore your fear and insecurity and just go to his birthday party, right?"

"If I knew the answer to that question, we would already be there."

"Let's just go, then. If you change your mind, you can just say happy birthday to Sirius and leave."

Lily chuckled – they both knew she would do no such thing. "All right, let's go."

…………..…………..………………….

Says he wants you, he says he needs you

It's real talk, then why not make him wait for you?

If he really wants you, if he really needs you, really got to have you

Take your time and feel him out…

Christina Milian, "Dip it low"

…………..…………..………………….

"I shouldn't be here," Lily muttered.

Leylann rolled her eyes. "Come on, Lil! Regardless of… everything, James is your work colleague, and you two have known each other for years. You had to come to his birthday. Plus, it's Sirius' party too, and he'd be crushed if you didn't come."

"Oh, whatever," she shrugged, knocking on the door. "If you take too long, I'll leave without you."

"All right. I don't know if Sirius already has set his sights on anyone for the night, but, if not, I'll stay."

Sirius opened the door, grinned broadly and gave Leylann a quick kiss. "Oh, it's you two! Took you long enough! Come on, come in. Baby – would you mind giving Lily the house tour?"

"Of course not."

Someone shouted Sirius' name and he went back inside. Lily threw Leylann a Look.

"What?" she said innocently. "I come here at least twice a month… I know the place pretty well by now!"

Lily shook her head, grinning.

She entered and spotted him at once. He was in the middle of the room, surrounded by a bunch of friends, including the three other Marauders.

James was talking, and everyone around him was laughing. Well, he had always enjoyed being the centre of attentions. Telling jokes, making friends, chatting, flirting… He was a natural.

For a brief moment, they made eye contact. He nodded slightly and smiled at her. Lily grinned as well. She knew that smile of his… There was no way she was leaving that apartment tonight.

"Come on," Leylann said, yanking Lily's arm.

She obediently followed her friend.

"This hallway leads to Sirius' bedroom and a bathroom," she explained, pointing. "That's the kitchen door, and that hallway leads to James' suite."

"All right."

"Okay then."

Lily grinned. "Thanks for the tour."

Leylann caught the sarcasm and smiled. "What? Do you want me to take you to each of the rooms? Go on and take a peek yourself if you're that curious."

"I'm not complaining!"

"I'm not going to argue. Any more questions?"

Lily sighed. This was going to be a long night; Leylann was definitely going to abandon her for Sirius.

Lily didn't feel like chatting with anyone, but she didn't want to leave, either.

"Where are the drinks?" she asked at last.

Leylann pointed to the table, which held glasses, many cups of Butterbeer, and several bottles of wine, champagne, vodka, and Firewhisky.

"You're out on the piss, aren't you?"

"Definitely. Oh, do me a favour – if you see me doing anything stupid, please let me know."

"'Let you know'? Shouldn't I stop you?"

"Er… no," Lily said with a malicious grin. "Just remind me of the fact that I'll regret it tomorrow morning."

She walked away, and Leylann watched her with amusement. After a few seconds, she glanced at James. He was quite far away, but his eyes were obviously following Lily's every movement.

Well, they were both grown-ups… They had obviously already made their decision – it was bound to happen sooner or later anyway.

Would they regret it tomorrow morning?

…………..…………..………………….

All this tension telling me just exactly what we should be

Now, I don't mind us being some kind of casual thing

Listen, all I wanna do right now is have your contact on me

Put your hands on my waistline, want your skin up against mine

Move my hips to the baseline – let me get mine, you get yours

Hang a 'please, don't disturb' sign…

Christina Aguilera, "Get Mine Get Yours"

…………..…………..………………….

Several glasses later, Lily started examining the corkboard hanging in James' hallway. There were several pictures pinned to it – most of which she'd instantly recognised.

She'd taken most of those during their seventh year. James had carefully avoided putting up any pictures of her, but all the other Marauders were there. There was even a photo showing the Evanses' living room, decorated for Christmas…

She remembered that Christmas day well. That had been the first time one of Lily's boyfriends had spent the night at their house… And, strangely enough, the Evanses had loved James, despite the fact that he was about to steal her away from them.

Her cup was still full. Ordinarily, Lily would have taken several minutes to drink it; if anything, living in France had taught her how to appreciate wine. But tonight she wasn't in the mood to act French; all she wanted was to get drunk. Really drunk.

Lily was about to empty her glass when she heard someone approaching. She didn't need to turn to know who it was – like hell she'd ever mistake his footsteps for anyone else's.

"Hey," James said.

The tension between them seemed heavier than usual now. Lily turned and met his gaze, unflinching. She wasn't afraid of doing that anymore – there was nothing in her eyes he didn't already know.

"I took most of those pictures," she said, pointing at the corkboard behind her with the glass.

"I know."

His eyes finally darted to the wine, and he grinned.

"I've been watching you, Lil. You've been drinking all night – you'd better stop before you do anything… imprudent."

Lily bit her lip, making a quick (and imprudent)decision: she lifted her glass and drank it all in one gulp. She put the glass on the floor and faced him.

She looked into his eyes, grinning naughtily now. Her intentions were completely unambiguous; there was no way he could misinterpret that look.

"Oh no," he muttered, getting aroused despite himself. Despite himself? Oh, who was he kidding? James had been dreaming of this for days – weeks!"Don't tempt me…"

Lily's hands slid up his chest and rested on his shoulders, but she didn't come any closer. When he tried to pull her to him, she resisted – and that grin was still on her face.

"I'm drunk, James," she explained, feigning an indifference they both knew was a façade. "You wouldn't want to… take advantage of that, would you?"

He decided to play by her rules. All right, Lily liked to feel in control of the situation every once in a while. He didn't mind… provided that the outcome was satisfactory, of course.

"I wouldn't mind," he replied, holding her waist firmly.

She cocked her head to the side, watching him playfully. "And the house is full, too… You wouldn't want to have your guests wondering why you've disappeared, would you?"

"I honestly don't care."

He leaned his face closer to hers, but Lily backed off again.

"James," she reprimanded mockingly, smelling a slight trace of alcohol on his breath. "You're drunk too. You shouldn't –"

"You're practically against the wall now, Lil," he noted with a grin, ignoring her feeble protests. "Nowhere to go."

Lily saw that he was right, but that didn't bother her at all. In truth, she was feeling way too anxious about this whole thing; she couldn't wait much longer. She could feel his yearning in his eyes and voice – yearning, and urgency. He wanted her now… And Lily wanted nothing more than to oblige him.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, her voice quivering slightly.

The tension was all gone; by now, they both needed it too much to go slow. She didn't resist when James pinned her to the wall. She leaned on it as he started kissing her neck. Lily pressed her body against his, quickly unbuckling his belt.

The last thing either of them wanted was to remember was that anyone else existed, but they were in a hallway, so within seconds a voice interrupted them.

"Prongs!" yelled Sirius from the living room. His voice got alarmingly closer. "Prongs!"

James exhaled heavily and let go of Lily. She couldn't help but laugh when she saw the enraged look on his eyes. His only response was a half-smile.

Sirius arrived ten seconds afterwards. At first, he was puzzled by James' murderous expression, but then he took in the entire scene: the couple's dishevelled appearance, the obvious bulge in Prongs' pants and the smirk on Lily's face… Oh, boy.

"They – er… want to sing 'Happy Birthday.'"

James closed his eyes for a second, trying to prevent himself from snapping.

"Should I tell them to shove it up their arses?" asked Sirius with a grin.

Lily grinned back, and even James cracked a smile. They all knew that was precisely what he wanted to say right now.

"No," he replied. "No, tell them I'll be there in a few minutes."

"All right. And, Lily? You're coming with me," Sirius ordered. "Go take a cold shower, Prongs; we'll be waiting for you."

He grabbed Lily's arm firmly and led her away from James.

"I honestly hope you know what you're doing," Sirius muttered.

"Not really… I'm completely sloshed," she said with a grin.

"Oh. Well, he hasn't stopped drinking since you arrived, so I'm pretty sure he is, too."

"I noticed."

"Are you sure you're going to make this decision… drunk? I mean, it's an important step for both of you. Right?"

She faced him, annoyed. "Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why does it have to be 'an important step’? Can't James and I just have a simple one-night stand, no strings attached? Why does it have to be so complicated?"

Sirius shrugged. "You two are always complicated."

…………..…………..………………….

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know that you can't fight the moonlight?

Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart

Don't you know that you can't fight the moonlight?

No, you can't fight it; no matter what you do, the night is gonna get to you

You're gonna know that I know – don't try, you're never gonna win…

LeAnn Rimes, "Can't Fight The Moonlight"

…………..…………..………………….

"They make a cute couple," Lily noted, staring at Remus and Sylvie dancing together.

"Remus is such a good dancer," said Leylann. "You can tell he captivates any girl he dances with."

"Oh, good for him," snapped James, visibly irritated. Being constantly surrounded by friends was forcing him to behave around Lily. Oh, she knew perfectly well he was trying to corner her, but she seemed to enjoy tormenting him.

"Somebody needs to get some," muttered Sirius, grinning.

James glowered. "Your Bloody. Fault," he said under his breath.

Sirius' grin broadened.

Dorcas and Marlene approached them. "Bye, you guys."

"Leaving so soon?"

"I have to… I have a date," Dorcas explained with a smile.

"And I want to get to work early tomorrow, so I can't stay long. Sorry!"

"No problem. See you tomorrow, bye."

After watching the two girls walk away, the group stood at more or less the same time. Sirius went to the door to say goodbye to everyone who was leaving. Leylann went to the kitchen, where she started mixing marguerites. Lily and James were left alone, in a rather empty area of the living room.

He grabbed Lily's waist and pulled her closer.

"Everyone's leaving; we should wait a bit more," she mumbled, looking into his eyes.

"Lil –"

"Just a few minutes…"

"You're being sadistic," he complained. "Come on, I know you want this as badly as I do."

She grinned. "I'm going to be here for a while… What's the rush?"

"You're just doing this to torture me, aren't you?"

Catching him by surprise, Lily kissed him. She wasn't gentle or soft; her kiss let him know she also felt his desire and urgency. She was merely trying to control her impulses, putting to good use all those self-control mechanisms they'd learned from Auror training… James would certainly prefer it if she didn't use him as guinea pig.

"We've been waiting for this for so long… I don't want to do it in a hurry, afraid of someone interrupting us at any time."

He sighed resignedly. She had a point. "All right. But just so you know – it's likely that some of them will want to stay and talk for a few hours."

She frowned, and seemed to vacillate.

James smirked. "No, we'll wait."

Lily threw him a look, and he laughed.

"You're worth it, Lil. Come on – let's go mingle a bit."

"I need a Sobering Charm," she said suddenly, reaching for her wand.

He nodded, and followed suit. "I could use one, too."

…………..…………..………………….

I know you – I'll show you

You and only you can make me feel the way I do

You and only you can make it better

You and only you can do the freaky things you do

And I'm so into you that it's forever and ever

All my life, my love's been waiting for you…

Mariah Carey, "All my life"

…………..…………..………………….

"I have an idea. Let's play 'I never!’ Each of us has to tell something they’ve never done, and would never do, under any circumstances. And if anyone's done that, they have –"

James groaned. "Not that again, Peter… You always end up saying – and Remus will have to admit – well, no."

Peter shrugged. "Okay, then I won't start. Why don't you start, Remus?"

"I've never… Merlin… Um. All right. I've never cheated on someone."

Sylvie, Lily, James, Sirius, and Leylann sniggered and emptied their glasses without hesitation.

"Goody-two-shoes," Lily muttered, and sighed. "I've never…" she paused to throw Leylann a nasty look, "made out with a teacher just for the grade."

Leylann laughed and took the shot happily. Sirius followed suit.

It was James' turn.

"I've never kissed a man," he said simply, watching with amusement as the girls and Sirius downed their shots.

"Honestly, Sirius," said Leylann, her voice slightly slurred, "is there anything you haven't done?"

"Oh, yes. I've never… been submissive."

Lily, James, and Leylann hurried to drink a bit more.

"I've… never…" Leylann hesitated. With a malicious glance at Lily and James, she continued, "fallen in love with one of my worst enemies."

The couple laughed and took one more shot.

"I've never been in a threesome," Peter piped up.

Remus laughed. Lily and James, once more, were the first to down their shots, soon followed by Leylann and Sirius. "Really, you guys –"

"Oh, shut up, Moony," said James, sticking out his tongue. "Just because you're conservative… it doesn't mean everyone else has to be!"

Remus shrugged. "Sylvie?" he asked, looking at the girl beside him.

She took a deep breath and seemed thoughtful for a few seconds. "Okay, whatever, this'll have to do. I had a boyfriend once… He wanted us to have sex in a public bathroom. I basically told him, 'no way.' I ended up breaking up with him just because of that. There. I've never slept with anyone in a public bathroom."

"Oh, I would never do that, either," Remus said.

"Why not?" Lily asked.

"What do you mean, 'why not?'" Sylvie sputtered. "It's disgusting! Wait… Have – have any of you done that already?"

Sirius and Leylann emptied their glasses in near unison.

Lily threw James a look, and he smirked. With a smile, she drank all the wine in her glass and he swigged one more dose of Firewhisky.

Sylvie grinned. "Respectively – Sirius with Leylann, Lily with James?"

Leylann laughed. "Yes, while we were still at school."

"By 'public bathroom' you mean 'Hogwarts bathroom,' then."

"No, of course not," Lily replied. "Hogsmeade – the Three Broomsticks. Or was it the Hog's Head?"

"The Hog's Head," said Sirius. "How could you possibly forget that day, Lily?"

"What, you guys planned to do it together or something?" Sylvie sputtered. "You did it at the same time?"

Leylann and Lily's eyes met, and the former nodded. "Go ahead."

"Well, Sirius and James tend to have the same… ideas," Lily clarified. "So we kind of had to talk about some of that stuff beforehand. Unfortunately, this specific thing was kind of… spontaneous. So we couldn’t actually avoid meeting each other until it was too late."

"Oh my God," Sylvie said, shocked. "When did this happen?"

Leylann and Sirius shrugged. Lily and James tried their best to recall; they knew it couldn't be very hard – they hadn't been together that long, after all.

"Definitely seventh year," he muttered slowly. "After Christmas."

She smirked. "Indeed, that's a very smart guess, Sherlock, considering no one knew we were dating until Christmas."

"Well, it's a start."

"Something else probably happened that day," she said all of a sudden. "I'm too sloshed to remember what, but I'm sure it was something important."

"Well, genius, things usually happened after we spent the day at Zonko's," James stated, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Abruptly, he sat up straight. "Oh… I remember now."

She raised a sceptic eyebrow. "You do?"

"January 18."

"How –"

"That prank."

The three other Marauders guffawed. "Would you mind being a little vaguer, please? This is us we're talking about, Prongs!" exclaimed Sirius.

James, however, wasn't paying attention to them. His gaze and Lily's had locked. She, too, had remembered.

"That prank," she said softly. "With that detention…"

Lily sighed, and he grinned.

"Yes, exactly. You're right."

…………..…………..………………….

I don't wanna stop just because people standing around watching us

I don't give a damn what they think; I want you now

I don't wanna stop, just because you feel so good inside of my love

I'm not gonna stop, no, no… I want you; all I wanna say is

Any time, any place, I don't care who's around…

Janet Jackson, "Any Time, Any Place"

…………..…………..………………….

The others were finding Lily and James' exchange, though obviously entertaining, too obscure for their liking.

"We're in the dark here, you guys," said Remus. "Enlighten us, please."

Lily and James were smiling broadly now, trying hard not to laugh.

"Well, we played a prank that evening, after returning from Hogsmeade," James started.

"Yes, we kind of had already understood that part. Which prank?"

"They put a potion in everybody's juice," Lily explained. "With an age limit, because they didn't want the younger students to feel its effects."

"Oh!" Sirius cried suddenly, smacking his thigh. "Of course… How could I forget?"

"It was a memorable prank!" Peter exclaimed. "One of our best!"

Remus was still confused, and looked at James, who was sitting beside him. "Which prank?"

"The Great Hall temperature was slowly brought to almost forty degrees," Lily continued. "And the Marauders oh-so-kindly transfigured their girlfriends' clothes into bathing suits – you know, so that the other girls would follow. They did, and most of the sixth and seventh-year boys were wearing similar fashions before long, as well."

Sylvie giggled, comprehension dawning slowly on her face. "And what did they put in the juice?"

"Aphrodisiacs…"

"Lots and lots of them."

"And well… it worked."

Tears of mirth were rolling down James’ cheeks now; he was laughing hysterically, as was everybody else. It wasn't hard to recall that memorable day when they'd seen all the teachers and most of the older students all over each other, wearing astonishingly small amounts of clothing. "The – the teachers – Dumbledore – Merlin, I'll never forget McGonagall's –"

"Flitwick –"

"And Hagrid!"

"Sprout and Kettleburn snogging…"

"I – I remember you two," Peter gasped, pointing an accusatory finger at Lily and James, "getting hot and heavy right there, in the middle of the Great Hall."

Lily took a deep breath and tried to stop laughing; her eyes were twinkling. "Yeah, I remember that, too."

"But you knew there was potion in the juice! Why did you drink it?" Sylvie asked.

She shrugged. "We were seventeen… We knew perfectly well what would happen if we drank it, but – well, we just wanted to have fun."

James caught Lily's eye, grinning. She knew he was thinking about their little rendezvous in his hallway – had either of them stopped thinking about it since then?

"We got a detention," Peter piped up. "And the teachers were too embarrassed to assign it themselves, so the Head Girl had to choose… Oh, I remember that detention."

James laughed. "There was nothing memorable about your detention, Peter."

Lily grinned. "I told him to tidy up the common room, that's all… But even using magic, it took him a while."

"Sirius had to snog a Gryffindor girl, I think," Leylann said. "He didn't pick me, and I was very offended."

"Correction! I had to pick a girl whom I hadn't touched in at least one month, not even during the prank earlier that day. That wasn't your case, dearest."

"Oh… all right then."

"Fastest detention ever," Remus stated. "Mine only lasted… what, ten minutes? James', on the other hand… He didn't show up until after dawn."

"Oh, I remember," James said, glancing at Lily.

She smiled naughtily. "Me too."

…………..…………..………………….

I'm so sick of fights, I hate them… Let's start this again for real

So here I am, I'm trying; so here I am – are you ready?

Come on, let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always…

Kiss you, taste you all night – always…

Blink-182, "Always"

…………..…………..………………….

"I've noticed you two don't argue when you're drunk," Sylvie said. "Maybe you should have a few drinks at the office every once in a while."

"Oh, James gets nostalgic when he's drunk, that's why."

Remus looked pointedly at Lily. "And then he starts doing stupid things, right?"

"Right," James agreed cheerfully. "And Lily also likes doing crazy things when she's drunk, I remember that well."

Remus shook his head. James and Lily were definitely going to shag later on, and they were both very aware of it. The decision had probably been made while they were still clear-headed; they wouldn't be able to blame it on the alcohol… And what's more, they wouldn't even try.

"You two get more talkative, too," Sylvie continued. "You hardly ever mention your history together when you're sober."

"I told you, James gets nostalgic," Lily replied. "Whereas Peter, for example, gets quieter."

James looked at Peter, who was sitting beside him. The boy was visibly embarrassed. "Well, not always. Sometimes he just gets whiny. Plus, who made you the expert of our drunken behaviour, baby?"

The others watched Lily and James' overfriendly conduct with astonishment. When had he ever called her 'baby'? Boy, drinking sure had quite an effect on those two… Was it just the drinks, though?

She shrugged. "Go ahead, then. How do you guys behave when you’re drunk?”

"Oh, I'm usually too arseholed to notice."

Lily narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

"Sirius gets horny after a few drinks," Leylann remarked. "He can't keep his hands off a girl."

"What about guys’ night out? What does he do then?"

"Well, he either doesn't drink that much, or – more likely – he chats a girl up and completely forgets that it's 'guys’ night out,'" Remus replied.

"But then again, Sirius can never keep his hands –"

"Leylann, on the other hand," Sirius interrupted with a broad grin, "gets very… creative when she's drunk."

"Wait, I thought Lily was the one who got creative," Peter said, frowning. "Right, Prongs?"

James smiled. "I figured she'd be mad if I mentioned it."

"Oh, I see…"

Sylvie drank the rest of her glass and stood, already feeling a bit dizzy. She wanted to leave before getting sloshed herself. In a few minutes, no one would need to ask her what her behaviour was like. "Well, I should go now, you guys. Tonight was really fun."

She and Remus looked at each other for a second. "I'll – walk you home, then," he said softly.

"Ooh," Lily whistled, "Remus gets bold when he's drunk!"

He laughed good-naturedly and got up as well. "Good night, you guys."

They Apparated away, and the others were silent. After a few seconds, Leylann found her way to Sirius' lap, and they started snogging, much to everyone else's discomfort.

"Hey, get a room, you two," Peter complained.

Sirius turned to look at him. "All right then. Shall we?"

"Yeah," she said, standing. Then she looked soberly at Lily. "You asked me to warn you –"

"Yeah, okay."

"Are you sure?"

Lily nodded.

Leylann seemed to hesitate for a second, and then quickly cast a Sobering Charm on Lily and James. "Just to be safe. Good night."

They grinned. "Good night."

Sirius took Leylann to his room. Peter, Lily, and James were the only ones left.

"So…"

"So."

The couple stared at Peter for a while. He was sipping a glass of wine, completely oblivious to their predicament.

…………..…………..………………….

My heart aches with a hunger

And the want that you were mine – no, I cannot deny…

So for one night, is it all right that I give you my heart, my love, my heart?

Just for one night, my body, my soul

Just for one night, my love, my love, for one night…

The Corrs, "One Night"

…………..…………..………………….

"Wormtail!" James exclaimed suddenly.

That finally caught his attention. "Yeah?"

"Bugger off!"

"What?"

"Get lost – go do… something. Whatever."

He blinked several times, staring at the couple. "But… why?"

James exhaled exasperatedly, waiting for him to take the hint.

After a moment, Peter got the message. His eyes widened and he gaped at Lily and James. "Oh – you two – you want me – oh…"

Lily grinned, and shook her head amusedly.

Peter Disapparated, and James turned to face her.

"He's a bit thick sometimes."

"I know. Do you reckon Sirius is leaving his room any time soon?"

"We can stay here," he said with a smile she knew all too well. "Does the idea of being caught bug you?"

Lily's gaze travelled from his lips to his chest, arms, and, finally his eyes. They seemed darker now, more intense. There was no mistaking what she read there…

There would be no more teasing tonight. They wanted to end the chase. Neither had ever felt urgency this overpowering before.

"Not really, no." Lily laughed softly. "Can you believe we actually managed to resist for this long?"

"It was torture," he admitted with a grin. "But you're mine now."

"Well –"

"Tonight," he interrupted, pulling her closer, "you're all mine."

Helpless, unable and unwilling to fight James' influence over her, Lily let him have her. For once, she wasn't at all worried about the consequences of their actions, or whether she'd fall in love with him after tonight. She didn't care – she couldn't care less.

Tonight, she was James', body, heart, and soul.

…………..…………..………………….

Like a movie scene in the sweetest dream, I have pictured us together

Now to feel your lips on my fingertips, I have to say it's even better

Than I ever thought it could possibly be: it's perfect, it's passion, it's setting me free

(…) Take my breath away, love me now, leave me never

Found a sacred place lost in your embrace; I want to stay in this forever…

Jennifer Lopez, "Waiting for tonight"

…………..…………..………………….

The feeling of James' lips on hers was as consuming as ever. Lily couldn't possibly comprehend why his touch was always more intense and always provoked reactions more passionate than any other man's. Her mind was an obscure and confused muddle, yielding entirely to James' charm, and she couldn't help but admit that it felt completely natural.

James' hand roamed under her blouse, and his kisses became more demanding. Lily unzipped his pants blindly and lowered them; she then slipped her hand inside James' boxers. He groaned as she started feeling and lightly pinching him.

James kissed her neck, sucking on a spot that would definitely become a hickey. He soon started biting her shoulder, undoing with his teeth the knot that held her blouse in place, and letting it fall to her waist.

He gently pushed her to the floor. Lily just lay there, her fiery red hair messily surrounding her pearly-white visage, her chest heaving with fast breathing, looking at him, waiting, expecting.

Lily usually liked to take the lead, but right now she just didn't care. James was the only man who had ever tamed her like this, mercilessly keeping her under his control, subject to his fascination – and yet she had never before felt this wanted, desired, desperately needed…

James lowered his head and took one nipple into his mouth; she moaned, arching her back slightly. He knew she loved it when he did this, and he loved doing it. One of his hands was still caressing her upper body, while the other got rid of her underwear. She ran her fingers through his hair and down his back, appreciating fully the feeling of his body on hers… No, something that felt this right couldn't possibly be wrong…

James slid a finger inside her, and started stroking. Merlin… He was moving slowly, as if he were deliberately trying to make her go insane… Another finger... And then he moved slowly, teasingly slowly... Faster... And then slowly again...

"James, please…" she moaned, nearly crying out in frustration, moving her hips closer to his.

Lily needed him! Didn't he know it? Couldn't he feel it? Why didn't he –

Before she knew it, James was inside her, and all other thoughts evaporated from her mind. Yes, this was right, this was good, God, yes…

James thrust again and again. Lily clutched his back fiercely, digging her nails deep into his flesh, but he didn't seem to mind the pain. His hand held her shoulder, and her legs pressed hard against his sides. She moved her hips slowly to allow him more space to move, and he buried his head in her neck.

"Lily," he moaned hoarsely, barely holding it anymore. "Lily…"

He was about to come when he remembered, Merlin knows how –

"Fuck," James muttered suddenly, clenching his jaw and mustering all his self-control to restrain himself. "I forgot –"

Lily caught on instantly, and didn't waste time. She reached for his wand, which fortunately lay within arm's reach.

"Non– nonconscipio," she mumbled. Lily wasn't completely sure she had pronounced the charm correctly, but it was quite a wonder that she had even managed to speak coherently.

The wand slipped from her fingers, and she grasped his shoulders with trembling hands. She could feel his heavy breathing on her chest; his brief hesitation didn't last long, and he thrust again, mumbling her name...

"James," she moaned, pulling him closer. "James… Hm, yes…"

It felt so natural to call his name… Why, why, how had she been away from him for so long? This was what she had always wanted; she belonged here, with him, like this… He thrust one final time, and then they couldn't take it anymore, coming in near unison.

James rested his head on her chest, breathing hard, and waited until they both calmed down a bit.

Lily brushed a few strands of hair off his sweaty forehead with a grin. "That was amazing," she said, looking at him. It had been nothing fancy – certainly not one of their strange Hogwarts “experiments”–, but it had been just what she needed. That is, just to get the night started, of course.

"It was," he agreed, idly stroking her thigh. "Can you stay?"

She smiled. "Do you want me to?"

James lifted his head to look at her. "I'm not quite sure," he mocked. "Let's see. I've been chasing after this gorgeous girl for weeks, and she's just given in to my advances. She's now lying in my living room, contemplating the possibility of a fantastically eventful night… Now, why on earth would I want her to stay?"

Lily chuckled. "All right, I'll stay."

…………..…………..………………….

Gotta hit that spot just right – work me like a 9 to 5

We have a physical thing: we make love, but don't fall in love

Let me get mine, you get yours…

We spend time just enough so you get yours, and I get mine

No strings attached – I want your body, not your heart…

Christina Aguilera, "Get Mine Get Yours"

…………..…………..………………….

James rolled over and lay beside her. Lily almost stopped him. She wanted him to stay inside her a bit longer; she wanted him to hold her – just this time… She wished that this closeness didn't have to end so soon…

'Stop it,' she scolded herself seriously. 'What we're doing tonight has nothing to do with – with that

He was now facing the ceiling. Without hesitation, Lily removed her skirt and blouse. James then beckoned her over, and she snuggled closer to him, resting her head in the crook of his arm. Their legs intertwined, and his fingers brushed her back lightly.

"You're beautiful," he whispered almost reverently, his gaze travelling from her body to her face, and focusing on her eyes. "So, so beautiful…"

Out of nowhere, a memory hit him, full force. The first time he and Lily had slept together, James had also told her he loved her for the first time. Why had things been so different back then? There was something, no doubt about it… Why had they changed? Why had life been so tough on them? Everything had once been so perfect, so idyllic…

"It's better this way, James," Lily said suddenly, looking into his eyes with understanding. "Of course it's different now, but – the emotional involvement just isn't worth it."

"There's more to sex than just 'making love,'" James said with a grin. "Right?"

She grinned as well. "Of course."

With sudden terror she fought hard to dissimulate, Lily admitted that this felt good. Being this close to James was pleasurable in a way that had nothing to do with sex, or physical craving. It made her mind all mushy, threatening to override her reasoning more than her instincts could ever do…

Right then, Lily decided soberly that she would never again allow herself to achieve this kind of intimacy with him. No more cuddling. She couldn't let her potential feelings get in her way – she would give them no room for development.

Her relationship with James was purely physical, period. She wanted his body, not his heart. They would make love, but not fall in love. No… they would never fall in love.

She was sure of it.

…………..…………..………………….

Gonna take it slow, babe, do it my way – keep your eyes on me

Your reaction to my action is what I want to see

Rhythmic motion, raw emotion, infiltrating through

Sweet temptations, hot sensations coming over you…

Jem, "Come on Closer"

…………..…………..………………….

Lily and James were calm for a while, just enjoying their peaceful contentment. She idly wondered whether she should make the first move, and admitted with a smile that he certainly wouldn't mind if she did.

Inhaling deeply, she closed her eyes. He had this indescribable male scent that she loved for some strange reason. When they were dating, Lily had used to wear his clothes all the time – it had made her feel safe somehow…

Funny, she hadn't thought of that in years… Well, it was useless to think about it now.

James grinned when he felt Lily's body sliding over his with feline smoothness. She kissed his chest lightly and licked her way up to his neck – boy, the girl was good… His hands roamed around her back for a while, and he tried to push her aside so that he could stay on top, but she resisted.

He glanced questioningly at her, and she chuckled. Oh, no…

Her knees were around James' abdomen, firmly pinning him to the ground. Of course he could have effortlessly escaped that situation, but he could tell that, now that they weren't so avid and desperate anymore, Lily was in one of those moods. She wouldn't let him have his way without a struggle.

His hands made their way to her hips, forcefully pulling her down to him.

Lily tried to keep a careful distance, but he firmly held her once more and they kissed. She felt her resolve beginning to melt away and cringed inwardly. Would she ever manage to tease James for long enough? It was so ridiculously easy for him to bring down her defences!

She had never met a guy who kissed like this. His kisses were demanding, intense, promising… Lily wondered why she had never bothered to compare any other guy's soft pecks with the passionate snogging sessions she'd had so far with James. Any other girl might have preferred the former- James was hardly ever sweet and controlled – he relished intensity and ardour.

But then again… Lily didn't like taking things slow, either.

The thing was, James wasn't simply the best sex she'd ever had; the truth was that he was the perfect guy for her. They liked the same things, their tempers were complementary, and… In a weird way, it was as if he had shaped her into what she was today.

Lily had been somewhat inexperienced when she had begun dating him; he had taught her many things, and learned a lot from her as well. Their like-mindedness wasn't wholly natural – they had chosen to be this way, all those years ago…

It was foolish to think that she would get over him completely – that was clearly impossible. James was a part of Lily now; she had let him in way too far the last time, and now she was beginning to revive their bond with more intensity than ever.

James had said just a few minutes ago that she was his, and she had doubted him for a second. But she didn't, not anymore. Yes, she was his. She had always been his, from the very first time he had set eyes on her.

Yeah… Lily belonged to him. For thirteen years, James had moulded her character and her feelings into precisely what he wanted them to be. And now here she was – everything he'd ever wanted… She was the perfect girl for him, no doubt about it. He had chosen her, and she had been gullible enough to mirror his every expectation…

And now he needed her, just like she needed him. Lily knew perfectly well that what had brought them together again wasn't just lust… But it wasn't love – it couldn't be love… could it?

…………..…………..………………….

It's not complicated, we're just syncopated

We can read each other's minds, one love united (...)

Oh, this is way beyond the physical

Tonight, my senses don't make sense at all

Our imaginations taking us to places we've never been before...

Britney Spears, "Breathe on me"

…………..…………..………………….

"Wine?" he said all of a sudden.

Lily grinned and leaned back to reach for a bottle, a few inches away from his feet. Before she knew it, James was sitting up, his hands around her back. She threw him a puzzled look, but, after a second, she understood what was on his mind.

James smiled. He didn't need to say anything– they could always understand each other like this.

He leaned in to kiss her with surprising gentleness. What was it about this girl that drove him crazy? James could never tell. She was simultaneously aloof and fiery, classy and rough, frail and strong… Merlin, he loved her.

Not real love, mind you – or maybe it was even that, James wasn't sure… He just knew that he had never felt this way about any other woman. He needed Lily, in a strange and inexplicable way. Now that he had her, he never wanted to let her go.

James honestly couldn't imagine what it would be like to be away from her again. He would never let go of her – no matter what. He didn't care what she asked of him: if she wanted him to break up with Julia and be faithful to her, if they decided to grow old together… It didn't matter. He would do whatever it took to keep her by his side.

She pulled back a little and he gazed into her eyes for a moment. No, it wasn't just lust. There was something else between them… and James didn't mind that fact at all. His latent feelings were beginning to surface, and he felt light, so light…

James had Lily. He had her; she was his, entirely his… The past didn't matter anymore. She was his world; he didn’t care about anything beyond this moment, and he never wanted it to end.

Smiling, he grabbed the bottle of wine, and gestured for her to lean back a little. James then started pouring wine on Lily slowly, almost reverently. The ticklish feeling of the drops trickling down her chest and abdomen was soon overwhelmed by his –

Oh… yes…

It was going to be a long night.

…………..…………..………………….

I don't know why, but suddenly I'm falling

Was I so blind? I was loving you all the time…

Now I'm hopelessly addicted, helplessly attracted

Chemically reacted, naturally we acted…

The Corrs, "Hopelessly Addicted"

…………..…………..………………….

16. A man and a woman

................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 16

"A man and a woman"

................................................

I think I did it again – I made you believe we're more than just friends

Oh baby, it might seem like a crush, but it doesn't mean that I'm serious

'Cause to lose all my senses, that is just so typically me – oh, baby…

Oops, I did it again; I played with your heart, got lost in the game

Oops, you think I'm in love, that I'm sent from above – I'm not that innocent…

Britney Spears, "Oops! I did it again"

................................................

"We need to talk."

"Hm?"

"James?"

"Hmm…"

Lily grinned weakly. Her eyelids felt heavy, and sleep threatened to overwhelm her. She fought against it tooth and nail, struggling to stay awake. She and James had dozed a couple of times that night, but had ended up waking soon after to resume their previous activities every time. As a result, it was now past ten o'clock, and Lily was quite confident that she had never felt this drained before.

So now here she was, lying on James’ bed, her body tangled with his, her mind only beginning to function properly. Lily was sweaty and exhausted, but she didn't want to sleep. She knew that this was probably going to be the last time she'd enjoy this satiated, peaceful closeness with James.

Merlin… Lily had forgotten that sex could be this fulfilling, that a man could elicit this feeling of wholeness, satisfaction, and complete bliss… She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this appeased since – er – James himself, actually.

Right then, he pulled Lily a bit closer, and she let her eyes close for a few seconds. Her head was lying on James' chest, and his arm was casually thrown around her waist. He liked keeping her close and under control, even in his sleep… And she didn't mind it, not at all.

Oh, of course she'd promised to herself the night before that she wouldn't, under any circumstances, actually sleep with him. Lily dreaded the prospective emotional expansion of this kind of intimacy and wanted to make it clear to her heart and mind – and to James, too – that there was nothing but lust between them.

Lily knew perfectly well that she seldom kept James-related promises. But this time, she really wanted to try. He would be the best of lovers, no doubt about it, but she couldn't let him tame her again. She couldn't allow herself to think about him more than strictly necessary.

Oh, right. Have fun trying to make that happen.

James stirred, and she started lightly running her nails down his chest. Lily wanted nothing more than to sleep and spend the day in this lazy abandon with him, but she knew she wasn't supposed to do that.

"James…" she began softly.

He opened his eyes slightly. Poor thing – he was clearly as exhausted as she was, or perhaps more. "Yeah?"

"I have to go."

He sighed. "No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. I need to get some sleep; I'm beat."

"So? Sleep here."

"I – oh… oh no… It's Monday! Crap, we have to work…"

James groaned, and she smiled, feeling terribly sorry for him.

"No, listen, I'll go. You stay home and rest – there won't be that much to do anyway."

"No, no," he protested drowsily. "I'll go, you… stay. Yeah, you stay and, um, I'll –"

James was visibly having a hard time putting words together. Lily chuckled and sat, carefully removing his arm from her waist and placing it on the bed. "Don't worry, James. I'll be fine."

"But you just said –"

"I'll go, no problem."

He was trying to fight sleep, but his eyelids were shutting against his will.

"Have a good day, baby," he mumbled.

"Thanks… Oh, and James?"

"Hmm?"

"Happy birthday."

He opened his eyes, grinning sleepily. "Best. Birthday. Ever."

Lily laughed and leaned closer to James, gently placing her hand on his cheek and kissing him.

After a few seconds, she recoiled with uncharacteristic shyness. Even in his hazy state, James could sense that Lily was scolding herself because of the strange display of tenderness. Frowning, she put on one of his t-shirts and walked to the door.

Lily waved goodbye before leaving the room. James' gaze remained fixed on the spot where she had stood. What exactly was going on between them? Was it really just shagging? Wasn't it becoming something beyond that, closer to what they'd had all those years ago?

Well, it couldn't be. Could it?

................................................

Love's for a lifetime, not for a moment, so how I could I throw it away?

I'm only human, and nights grow colder with no one to love me that way

Yeah, I need someone who really sees me…

And I won't wake up alone anymore, still believing you'll walk through my door

You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure, and I'll give all the love in the world…

The Corrs, "All the love in the world"

................................................

"Good morning, Lil."

"Good morning."

Leylann surveyed the living room with amusement. Lily and James had clearly had a great time the night before: candles, blindfold, wine… Well, they sure had spent a long time waiting for each other.

Lily was sitting on the couch, hugging her knees. Her blank gaze was fixed on the empty bottle on the ground near her, and she was clearly lost in thought.

Sirius was in the shower, and James would probably be asleep for a while… It was definitely time for girl talk.

"So… How was it?"

Lily looked at her friend with a cocky smile that pretty much said it all.

"That good, eh?"

"Oh, better…" she sighed contentedly, "So great."

"Was it worth the four-week wait?"

"It was worth the six-year wait! Merlin, I – it was so perfect."

Leylann frowned. "Lily, you do remember this is James you're talking about, right? I mean, don't get me wrong – I have nothing against seeing you two together! I just want to make sure you know what you're doing."

"I do know what I'm doing. I'm fooling around with a work colleague, who happens to be the sexiest and cutest guy I've ever known."

"You do remember what you told me yesterday? Is this really just shagging?"

Lily shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I'm not in love with him anymore."

"I see," Leylann muttered under her breath. "Maybe if you keep telling yourself that, it’ll actually happen."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing," she replied, louder.

"I have no feelings for him, really."

"You've already told me that. I'm just not sure it's completely true."

"It is."

"All right." Leylann sighed. "Do you want some tea?"

"Sure."

She went to the kitchen, and Lily was alone again.

Of course it was true. She didn't feel anything for James anymore – it was just nostalgia. Yeah, exactly – nostalgia. That was all that existed between them: nostalgia and physical attraction.

Well, Lily obviously missed part of that childlike delight and giddiness that she had used to feel around James. She knew that sex had been slightly different back then – she remembered his arms used to make her feel not only safe but also loved…

Love. Yes, she had loved him, and he had loved her back. Lily had never felt anything remotely like that for any other guy – and, quite frankly, she thought it better that way. She had put James and their relationship in a little shrine in some corner of her heart… What they had shared had been pure, and perfect.

Lily had no regrets. She sometimes found herself wishing that it had lasted longer – but in truth she was glad that they had broken up before their feelings had started to wane. It was much better this way… Now her untouched love for James was stored somewhere deep inside her heart, merely subject to adoration and wistfulness. Not that Lily still felt it. It was just… there.

She didn't love him anymore. She knew she could do no such thing – she had simply decided not to, and she wouldn't. Lily and James' relationship was perhaps justified by their deep knowledge of each other, but not even they could fully explain why they had completely given up on romantic involvement.

Their present situation often irritated that teenager-ish, idealistic part of her that still dreamed of Prince Charming…

The problem was that Lily's Prince Charming had a name – his name had been assigned many, many years ago. And, deep inside, she knew that she was really waiting for him… She would keep waiting for him, even if her own mind tried to prevent him from coming any closer.

James Harold Potter.

................................................

Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

Maybe I'm a girl, maybe I'm a lonely girl

Who's in the middle of something that she doesn't really understand

Maybe I'm a girl, and maybe you're the only man who could ever help me

Baby, won't you help me understand?

Jem, "Maybe I'm Amazed"

................................................

"Lil?"

Lily looked up and couldn't help but to smile. James was standing there, looking extremely tired – and yet so utterly irresistible.

He leaned on the couch beside her and put one arm around her. Lily snuggled closer, ignoring the loud alarm bells ringing in her mind.

You're letting him in too far… You're getting used to this!

"I thought you were going to sleep," she whispered.

"How could I, knowing you were awake and considering going to work?"

"I am going to work."

"No, you're not."

"James…"

"You're not," he repeated, kissing her softly. "You know you need some sleep."

"I'll cast some spell on myself and sleep for five minutes or so… That'll put me in much better shape."

He snorted.

"What, don't you trust me with a simple charm like that? It'll work wonders, believe me."

"Lily. Sweetheart. I just happen to be the only person on Earth who's more stubborn than you. So you will get some normal sleep now – even if I have to cast a spell on you to make sure of it."

"No…"

James sighed. All of a sudden, he stood, and carried her back to his room. Lily put up a feeble resistance for the first few seconds, but soon surrendered. He lay her on the bed.

"Promise me you'll sleep," he demanded sternly. "Promise you won't Apparate to the office."

She grinned.

James shook his head, smiling as well. "I'm going to take a shower. You'd better be asleep when I come back."

He entered the bathroom, and Lily's gaze remained fixed on the door as it closed.

Why?

Why couldn't she just let herself love him? That would be so much easier! James was so… so loveable! Why couldn't they just go back in time and let things be the way they used to before the break-up?

Why couldn't they just have a simple life together? Why couldn't Lily just let herself settle for a happy married life with her husband?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop it right there!

That wasn't what she really wanted. She couldn't want that. It was just – unthinkable. Why would she want to have a dull and boring married life? She was doing just fine on her own!

Having any kind of intimacy with James would just make their relationship deteriorate. It wasn't worth it.

Lily was getting old – that had to be the only explanation. She was maturing. That damned nesting instinct was beginning to kick in, and she was starting to think about settling for good.

Well, she wasn't going to surrender without a fight. Damn it, she was only twenty-four! Definitely too early to think about serious commitment.

'This coming from a girl who's been married for seven years…'

Leylann's mocking voice echoed in Lily's head. This marriage to James had been a mockery; fate had decided to play an unfunny prank on them. She would definitely not have wanted to get married back then.

Even though, she was forced to admit to herself, I wouldn't have said no if James had proposed.

No, she wouldn't have said no to him. When had she ever been capable of that?

................................................

You can run from love; if it's really love it'll find you, and catch you by the heel

But you can't be numb from love – the only pain is to feel nothing at all

How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

No, I could never take a chance of losing love to find romance

In the mysterious distance between a man and a woman…

U2, "A man and a woman"

................................................

"Good morning, Chief."

James grinned tiredly, and Dorcas immediately stood. She also looked quite weary, but not nearly as much as he. Her grim Bordeaux outfit reflected her mood, and, for the first time as long as James remembered, she wore no jewellery.

"All right, you obviously need some coffee," she stated in a motherly way, pouring the hot liquid from a jug into a large cup. Oh, that serious demeanour didn't fit her at all. "Here you go."

James drank the whole mug in one big gulp. "It's Irish?"

"Yeah, I figured we all needed the boost."

He nodded, grinning.

"Am I right to assume that Lily won't come to work today?"

"Yes, I don't think she will."

"Okay," she shrugged, inwardly sighing with relief. Oh, they'd hooked up – finally! It had taken them long enough. Life at the office would be much better now … "Work is slow today, thankfully, which means that you only have about twenty different scenarios to finish before the end of the day."

"Excellent. What happened, Dorcas? You look a bit tired. Bad date?"

"Kind of, but I'm also just fatigued – the past few days have been stressful."

"Poor thing. Well, we've all had a tiring week… I'll ask the Ministry to give us a day off some time this week. Is Amelia here?"

"She was, but she went to the Ministry – some high-profile Law Enforcement guy called her for an interview."

"Oh, that reminds me… We need to find a replacement for her as soon as possible."

"You're going to do that without Lily?"

"Of course not! I don't have a death wish," he replied with a grin. "Well, let me know when Amelia arrives, please. I want to know how it went."

"James… You do know that she didn't go to your party because she was afraid of meeting Fabian, right?"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay then. I'll send her upstairs when she arrives."

"Good."

James went up the stairs to his office, deep in thought. Who could replace Amelia? The most obvious choice would be Kate Malshirn, of course. She would be eager to take that opportunity… And he couldn't let her. That meant he needed to find someone before the news of the vacancy spread.

Well, perhaps Kate didn't have the qualifications necessary to take Amelia's job, which involved mainly Runes, Arithmancy, and Muggle relations. But James still wanted to find someone… but who could it be?

In truth, he needed more than one person. His team was definitely too small for the amount of work they had to do. They managed to keep things under control, but barely. Naturally, having to do work for the Order all the time didn't help.

All of a sudden, James realised that, with Amelia's departure, his team would consist solely of Order members. That meant he would have to consult with Dumbledore before calling anyone…

Alastor Moody, Gideon Prewett, and Frank Longbottom were Chief Aurors, and led their own teams. Alice worked with her husband. The only Order member available was Caradoc Dearborn.

James shook his head. Caradoc was a specialist in the Unforgivable Curses; he worked in an experimental group, and was very necessary there.

And then there was Fabian, who, like Amelia, was not in the Order. But his brother Gideon was an active member, and no one doubted the younger Prewett's fervour in the fight against Voldemort.

But James couldn't ask Fabian to join his team. It would be almost ironic to get him to replace Amelia… But no. She might want to visit her old workplace every once in a while, after all, and her ex-boyfriend's presence would certainly make that impossible.

Sometimes he really wished that he could make Amelia and Fabian see that they were just suffering needlessly. James had followed their story for the past few years, and he knew for sure that the couple was deeply in love – and they weren't even in denial! Fabian only insisted on staying away to fulfil his father's presumed death wish.

Fool. If James had the woman he loved within his reach, willing to be with him, he would never let her go just like that.

He frowned, suddenly unsure. Fabian had let go of Amelia, but had cherished their love, and held on to it, even though that hurt him a lot. James had seemingly forgotten Lily, and was now trying to establish a purely carnal relationship with her.

Who was the biggest fool?

................................................

Step one: realise that you are powerless against your addiction

Step two: accept the fact that your life as you know it is finished

Welcome to reality! (...)

All I crave is your attention; I hope you'll give me what I need

Whenyou decide to say you want me, I'll follow you, no matter where it leads...

Knockout, "Addicted"

................................................

Lily opened her eyes slightly and examined her surroundings. Too many pillows, very little light, strange sheets, a different room…

No, it hadn't been a dream, but it was still somewhat hard to believe.

She was in James' room. She had slept there, with him…

The previous night seemed almost surreal. The overpowering rush of feelings that had taken over was uncharacteristic… She didn't feel like the warm, passionate Lily who had been swept away by James, but she was entirely different from that cold, aloof woman who had entered his office a long year ago.

Lily stifled a giggle. Merlin, she had changed so much! She barely remembered what it felt like to be away from this pleasant frenzy that was her relationship with James Potter. It was almost like they were back at Hogwarts…

She felt like laughing. For the first time in years, she actually felt giddy. Lily had a successful career, a wonderful husband, great friends… She couldn't possibly hope for more.

With a satisfied sigh, she let herself sink into the softness of James' bed… He definitely had way too many pillows, but she liked it. It made her feel warm despite his absence, and it reminded her –

Oh, please. Lily didn't need any reminders! She could still feel James there beside her, inside her, all over her… Every inch of her skin longed for his touch again, every cell in her body longed for him with an intensity that almost scared her.

One would have thought that the previous night would have appeased her need to be with him, but no such thing had happened. Quite the contrary, actually… Lily was actually beginning to wonder what she could do to get James to break up with Julia. It would be so boring to keep sneaking around like teenagers!

Humming quietly to some tune not even she recognised, Lily stood and made the bed. She didn't know what time it was, but she didn't really care. James would certainly warn her beforehand if his bore of a girlfriend decided to return from the mission earlier than expected.

Last night, a part of Lily's mind had actually thought that Julia would show up all of a sudden and try to ruin their night. Now, she wished that the girl had come. If pushed to a decision right then, James would certainly have chosen Lily.

Ironically, Julia had actually been one of Lily's best friends. It seemed like so long ago, but it had really been just a few weeks before… She wouldn't dream of counting on her husband's girlfriend now.

She felt sorry for Julia, yes. But Lily knew she had made a few choices the previous night, and one of them was to lose Julia's trust and friendship.

Did Julia hate her? It was possible. Lily had never seen her lose control over something quite as hysterically as she had back in the French Ministry… Damn, the poor girl really loved him. Well, it was partly Julia's fault, too – a naïve, credulous girl like her should have avoided getting involved with a commitment-phobic man like James.

Lily frowned. No, Julia had known from the start that James was a bit afraid of commitment. She had just thought that things would be different with her – that she'd "fix" James somehow.

Lily would never make that mistake. Not again.

Julia had never found out about any of his affairs. Not that he had ever been keen on maintaining secret liaisons for long, mind you. No, James definitely preferred to have random one-night stands. Keeping permanent lovers demanded money and attention, and only generated more headaches.

Was this what Lily was to him? Was she just a one-night-stand?

She smiled. There was really no way of knowing for sure. Only one thing was certain: there would be encores, many of them. They wouldn't manage to stay away from each other, and they both knew it perfectly well.

After getting her clothes from the living room, Lily Apparated home. Her apartment seemed excessively cold and empty now… Oh, she was glad she'd decided to move in with Leylann!

That reminded her that there was a lot to pack. Of course, being a witch and all, it wouldn't take her long to finish. Nevertheless, it would still take a while.

Lily spent a few minutes waving her wand around, shrinking things and conjuring boxes. She would definitely need some time to take all these things to London.

Well, she had arranged with James to ask the Ministry for a day or two off sometime during the week for their team. She would have a lot of spare time then.

Turning on the shower, she wondered if he had already made the request. It was an important decision, after all… The Ministry hardly ever conceded holidays to Auror teams, unless they'd been under great amounts of stress.

They were certainly eligible, Lily thought with a smirk.

She would have to stop by the office to see if James had managed to arrange that holiday.

Maybe she could also help with a scenario or two. And, who knew, with maybe a snog or two along the way as well.

................................................

Loving you isn't really something I should do

Shouldn't want to spend my time with you, and I should try to be strong

But baby, you're the right kind of wrong…

Might be a mistake I'm making, but what you're giving I am happy to be taking

'Cause no one's ever made me feel the way I feel when I'm in your arms…

LeAnn Rimes, "Right kind of wrong"

................................................

"I told you to stay home and rest," James rebuked her, looking at her with a very stern facial expression. It made Lily want to laugh.

She shrugged. "I wanted to work."

"You need to rest."

"I already have."

"No one in this team has had much sleep in the past week – and you least of all. Come on Lil, go home."

"I want to work," she repeated stubbornly, walking to her desk and gesturing towards the parchment spread around. "See? There are tons of things to do."

"Nothing I can't handle in a couple more hours."

"What time is it anyway?"

"A little past five."

Lily smiled. There had been a time when she would never have woken up after six AM, even if that meant not sleeping at all. James had ruined her routine completely… And she was very thankful for that.

"Go home and get some sleep."

"No, you go. I've slept enough."

"I'm not tired."

"Rubbish. You were exhausted this morning, James."

"Yes, but I slept a bit here."

"How long?"

"Only a few minutes, but I used magic… I'm not tired anymore, really."

"I'm not leaving."

"Neither am I."

"Okay then," Lily acquiesced, sitting at her desk and staring blankly at the pile of parchment. Oh, heavens, how could she focus on anything right now? He was right there – and looking at her, too…

James grinned. He could see that her eyes were focused on a blank scroll of parchment, and her mind was far away… Or perhaps not that far away – just unwilling to focus on work.

Oh, he knew what she was going through… He'd spent all day trying, and failing, to get the previous night out of his mind in order to concentrate.

"Have you paid any attention to work today? Like, at all?"

"No," he answered truthfully. "And your presence here doesn't help."

"We're going to have to work together every single day, you know."

James stared at her for a few seconds. "Damn, I didn’t think this through!" he exclaimed suddenly, with a mock self-reproach.

She smiled. "Right."

He shook his head and walked to her desk. "It is really inconvenient, you know. I didn't even consider this when I decided to put a shower inside this bathroom, two weeks after you started working here. It was really the last thing on my mind when we cast that soundproof charm around this office. I really," he paused to kiss her, "really, really didn't think this through…"

"I suppose you also haven't considered that we happen to work in one of the busiest teams in the Ministry…" Lily added, sitting on the desk and idly toying with his tie. "We won't get to do this every day, you know."

"One day at a time… Today, work's slow, and we wouldn't get to do much anyway."

"Hmm, true," she whispered against his lips.

James reached underneath the table, and pressed a small button. Instantly, all the parchment and quills disappeared.

"You really did think this through, didn't you?"

He shrugged. "I had quite a few weeks to picture every possible scenario, and this one came up pretty often… So I figured this little device would make things faster and less messy."

"I'm glad to be sleeping with such a born strategist," she said, grinning. "I've had a few ideas of my own, which I'll run by you later, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. Just not now."

"No, not now."

................................................

Once upon a time, I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart

There's nothing I can do; a total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time, there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark

Nothing I can say; total eclipse of the heart...

Bonnie Tyler, "Total eclipse of the heart"

................................................

"Has Valerie answered your letter yet?" Leylann asked, examining a photograph of Lily and Val in Paris with interest.

Lily's room was a mess. There were boxes and suitcases everywhere; unsurprisingly, it was hard to fit all the junk she'd accumulated in her old apartment into a single room. Of course, some of it would eventually go to other parts of the house, but Lily was strangely attached to some of her souvenirs… Including an ungodly amount of photos, some of which Leylann had already decided to display around the house.

Lily peeked out the closet with a puzzled look on her face. She was sitting in there, literally buried in clothes and trying to organise them. "No, she hasn't."

"That's odd."

"Well, last week Sylvie told me she had decided to take a few days off with Bernard. Maybe she just didn't have time to read the letter."

"You know she'll be very pissed off when she finds out by letter that you've moved from Paris, right?"

"Well, yes, but she left me no choice."

"Have you told James yet?"

"Yeah. He loved the idea."

"Oh, of course. You have to admit, it looks like you're doing this because of him."

Lily grinned. "I don't mind."

"I can only imagine how great life at the office must be these days. You haven't argued in, what, four days?"

"Since Monday… That's three days. Actually, we still argue. We just have better ways of ending our discussions – definitely better ones than that boring and endless 'am not' / 'are too' we used to do every time."

Leylann grinned.

"And how about you? How are things going with Jason?"

"Great. He ran into Sirius here last night, you know."

"How was it?"

"Hmm, let's just say you've just found yourself another affair."

Lily chuckled. "Remind me of that when I meet Jason, please. I might just slip and make him believe I'm faithful to my husband."

"I'll try to remember."

"Is Sirius still okay with this whole thing?"

"Oh, yeah. He got along marvellously well with Jason – the two of them discussed Quidditch for quite a while."

Leylann's nonchalant approach to the whole situation amused even Lily sometimes.

"Do you ever think about settling for good, Leylann?"

"Yes, of course."

"With Sirius?"

Leylann thought for a while before answering. "No. I could never be with Sirius for too long. He's fun, and we always have a great time, but I don't trust him enough to commit full-time. And I don't think he'd ever want to do that, either. Come on, Lil, we both know that he's extremely immature. He can't handle real emotions well, and tries to avoid them with that annoying joie de vivre of his."

"That's true. But if he ever does want to settle down… I don't think he would choose any other girl. He really cares about you, Leylann."

"Oh, of course he does. I care about him, too. It's just – not like that, Lily. If Sirius ever wants to settle down… well, I'll probably be senile by then. He'll end up marrying and divorcing several twenty-year-old bimbos, just because he really can't stand to be alone."

"Who knows? Maybe he'll mature before that."

She shook her head.

Lily looked at her friend curiously. She certainly didn't presume to know Sirius better than Leylann.

"Look at what he's been through, Lily. He had the whole situation with his family, he ran away from home… And, soon afterwards, James' parents, whom he loved, were murdered… He's fallen in and out of love more times than I care to remember… He's witnessed Remus' constant heartbreaks, and James' breakdown after you left… He's an Auror, for goodness' sake! He sees so many sobering things every day at work, and he has to deal with complicated, thought-provoking situations all the time… And yet his personality is practically still that of the fifteen-year-old Marauder! I don't think there's anything that could make Sirius mature now."

Lily was pensive. Indeed, it was odd. All the Marauders had gone through several hard-hitting, sobering experiences… Remus, James, and even little Peter had changed a lot in the past few years. But not Sirius. He was still that joking teenager, who every once in a while managed to have some surprisingly significant and helpful insights into one's personality.

"Anyway, enough about Sirius. Do you really expect to finish unpacking tonight?"

"Oh, yeah. As soon as I finish separating these clothes into the right categories, by colour, fabric and style – I'm almost done, by the way –"

Leylann shook her head, wondering how on earth Lily managed to be so organised. Of course she liked some level of order in her things too, but Lily was just… too much.

"– I’ll just use magic to shrink most of these things and put them in the upper part of the closet. I don't have to worry about them now, since they're already in their boxes and all."

"Why do you have to keep so many pictures? You've always obsessed over these things, but really – you have too many of them!"

"I know, I know. I just can't help myself! But I have been taking fewer pictures lately."

"Well, of course, you've been busy! But you already have heaps of them… It wouldn't surprise me if you'd left some of them back in your old apartment."

Lily smiled guiltily. "Only a few of the newest ones. Will hasn't made his decision yet, after all. I can still keep some of my stuff there for at least one more week."

"Do you think he’ll want the apartment?"

"Probably. Caroline's expecting another baby, and his current place is a bit too small."

"I see. You were lucky to find a buyer so fast."

"Yeah, it was great," Lily replied, climbing out of the closet and admiring the result of her hard work. All the drawers were colour-coded, and the dresses also followed a meticulously determined order. "I'm done."

Leylann glanced at the closet, and whistled. "You're insane, girl."

"Yeah, what else is new?" Lily asked at once, grinning. "Now give me those photos… Let me see how small they have to be to fit up there."

"Would you mind it if I put a few of them around the house?"

"No, of course not."

"Would you mind having a picture of you and James hanging on your bedroom wall?"

"Yes, I would mind."

"All right, fine. I’ll put it in the living room."

................................................

Bleeding is believing – I used to…

My mouth is dry; forgot how to cry

Why? What's up with that? You're hurting me

I'm running fast, can't hide the past

What's up with that? You're pushing me…

Natalie Imbruglia, "Smoke"

................................................

"Merlin, I'm tired," Lily breathed out, lying on the bed and closing her eyes.

Leylann sat beside her, grinning. "Well, of course you are. Just out of curiosity, how much time do you and James spend working in that office?"

"Not much."

"I thought so."

"But it's still tiring… I need some time off. I'm glad James convinced the Minister to give us the next few days to stay home and rest."

"To be honest, I'm pretty exhausted too, but the prospect of not working tomorrow really improves my disposition. Oh, did I tell you that Jason gets Thursdays off as well?"

"Really? That's nice! You guys can totally arrange something. But yeah. I won't sleep any time soon – I know that I'll go to bed late tomorrow."

"You're so lucky. Four days of doing nothing! Although, knowing you, you won't stop working."

"Yes, but that's not the point. I can work at home, which is always great."

"Won't you miss James?" Leylann taunted.

Lily laughed. She was about to answer when the distinct sound of someone Apparating nearby – presumably in the living room – reached her ears. After a couple of seconds, a muffled, shaken voice called them.

Alarmed, Lily sat up, and said, "We're here!"

Valerie entered the room, and the two girls stared at her for a few seconds, shocked. She had clearly just been beaten heavily: she had bruises and cuts on her arms and cheeks, her lips were cut, and her body shook with sobs.

"I – I need you guys to – I couldn't go to a – I need –" she tried to say, still sobbing. "I – I –"

Leylann immediately rushed to the kitchen to get some potions, while Lily quickly did what little healing she could with her wand, and gently guided her friend to sit on the bed.

After taking a few potions, Valerie calmed down. She felt no more physical pain, but her head was still throbbing with the evening's events, and her heart was severely bruised. Lily and Leylann could see this with clarity, but there was nothing they could do right now, other than sit there and wait until the girl was calm enough to tell them what had happened.

A thousand possible scenarios were flashing through Lily's mind. Who could have done that? Without a doubt, the attacker hadn't been a Death Eater; if that had been the case, Valerie would have gone to the Ministry, or to a hospital…

Who, then? Perhaps Charles Friedrich, her magnetic ex-boyfriend? It was highly unlikely. He had known Valerie for a while, and nothing she could have done now would have caused such an explosive reaction. He still loved her, but he knew she was with someone else … Yes, Charles would know better than to do anything like that to her. He still wanted Valerie back – he wouldn't screw up his chances like that.

Maybe Bernard Dolet, her boyfriend. That was an odd possibility. Lily was the one who had introduced him to Valerie; she wouldn't have guessed that he was capable of such a thing. He was a nice guy, after all, even though he did have a bit of a temper sometimes…

She cringed inwardly. That didn't prove anything, of course. But if Bernard had done this to her friend, Lily would never forgive herself. He seemed sweet, and he was just the type of guy Val liked… Merlin, how could he have done it?

Valerie took a deep breath, and seemed ready to talk. Leylann and Lily looked at each other for a second – they had both been thinking the same thing. Had Bernard been capable of doing such a terrible thing?

"Bernard and I asked the Ministry for a few days off; it was an impulsive decision, so I didn't even write to you about it or anything, sorry. Anyway, we went to Aspen, and it was great. I – I don't know. I just felt like I could trust him… So I told him about Charles."

"You told him what, exactly?"

"That I'd been with Charles the night after Gideon's birthday."

Lily bit her lip. Oh, no. Valerie definitely was the kind of girl who couldn't afford to cheat on her current boyfriend… She always ended up telling him all about it, giving in to a sudden pang of guilt.

And that, of course, was also why Lily could never say anything too bad about her boyfriends, either. She'd learned that after losing a couple of friends due to Valerie's big mouth.

"And – and you can tell how great his reaction was," Valerie continued with a small, bitter smile. "He started calling me names, and yelling that he didn't know how I'd done this to him, that I'd betrayed his trust, that he had once loved me, but… not anymore…"

She started crying again, and Lily hugged her, not knowing what had hurt Val more: Bernard's words or his actions. "Ssh," she whispered. "He doesn't deserve you, Valerie. Look at what he did – he's not worthy of your love, or your tears."

"Well, yes, I can see that, but I can't help it! It's not like I chose to fall in love with him! It's not like I – I wanted him to break my heart like this… What did I do, Lily? Honesty is supposed to be the foundation of every relationship! I just – I wanted to be honest with him… I love him so much…"

Lily grimaced. See, this was why she was terrified of falling in love. The heartbreak really wasn't worth it. Well, of course Lily had never been beaten by any of her boyfriends, but she could understand what was happening to Valerie.

"You need to write something to Law Enforcement; they'll want to have a talk with Bernard," Leylann suggested quietly.

Val shook her head. "No, I couldn't do this to him. Yes, he overreacted a little, but it was my fault, too. I did something terrible – I shouldn't have betrayed his trust."

Lily and Leylann looked at each other, incredulous and stupefied.

"Can't you see? I still love him… I wouldn't want anything to happen to him."

................................................

No more rolling with the punches – no more using or abusing

I'd rather die standing than live upon my knees begging please, no more

Black eyes, I don't need them; blue tears, give me freedom

Black eyes, all behind me; blue tears will never find me now (…)

No more crying in the corner – no excuses, no more bruises…

Shania Twain, "Black eyes, blue tears"

................................................

"Listen, Val, you have to write a report of some kind. At least ask them to obliviate him or something… The last thing you need is a psycho stalker."

Valerie looked at Lily with wide, teary eyes. "He'll – forget all about me? How can you suggest that? Lil… please. He won't do it again. He loves me too, and he'll forgive me eventually."

"Do you still want to be with him?" Leylann asked, shocked. "After all he's done?"

"I don't know, I – I'm confused. I never thought he'd be capable of something like this, but now I just – I don't know."

"Valerie, he doesn't deserve you," Lily repeated. "He really doesn't. You can't be with a guy like that."

"What if he never does it again? I'll lose the chance to be with a sweet, caring guy who really loves me –"

"A guy who really loves you wouldn't have hit you, Valerie. If you stayed with him, you'd be constantly afraid of doing something that displeases him…"

"He is a great guy, Leylann. You can't judge him just by this one –"

"Yes, I can. I thought he was a nice guy, too – but not anymore."

"It was my mistake. I shouldn't have cheated on him! He's this perfect guy, who didn't deserve what I did to him –"

"He. Is. Not. Perfect. He will always think you're unworthy of him, Valerie. Things between you will never be the same – you'll always be afraid of him, and he will never trust you fully again. This has to be the end of your relationship."

Valerie sighed, tears running down her cheeks. Lily was just rubbing more and more salt on her open wounds, and it hurt… But was she right?

Val didn't know – she didn't even know if she wanted Lily to be right or not.

It had been so abrupt, so sudden… Her relationship with Bernard had been so idyllic! Stupid, stupid girl. If she hadn't said anything about Charles, they would still be together.

But then again… who knew when his temper would explode? Valerie was bound to do something to irritate him at some point. If she stayed with her, would he beat her up later?

It hurt to admit that possibility… But Lily and Leylann were probably right.

"I just want to forget all about it, okay?" she said tiredly at last. "You do whatever it is you have to do, Lily, and then we'll just – not talk about it."

Lily quickly grabbed some ink, a quill, and a piece of parchment, and started writing furiously. After a few minutes, she handed the quill to Valerie, who signed the letter without even reading it. Myrie, Lily's owl, was then sent to the French Ministry, carrying an envelope labelled 'urgent'.

"You should stay here until Law Enforcement deals with this," Leylann suggested.

Val nodded.

"You can use this room," Lily offered. "I've just finished organising it."

"No, I can sleep in the living room, no problem."

"Rubbish! For goodness' sake, Valerie, I won't let you."

"Whatever you say then, Lily. I'm… not in the mood to argue about anything. Do you guys have any alcohol here? I could really use a drink. And then you can all tell me what's been happening in your lives – you know, to shift the focus from my problems and all."

"Are you sure?" Leylann asked worriedly. "Wouldn't you prefer to have some rest or something? You went through quite an ordeal."

"Goddamn it, Leylann, put aside the Healer for a moment, will you?" Valerie snapped. "I just want to unwind and have some amusing girl talk with my friends!"

"It's okay; I'm just a bit worried, that's all."

"I – I know, I'm sorry. I'm not in the best shape today."

"I know. And of course you can have a drink, Val. What do you prefer, Firewhisky, wine, or do you want to mix some cocktail?"

"Do you by any chance have absinthe?"

Lily grinned. She hadn't had absinthe in a while, and she missed it. "No, but I'll go get some."

"In Paris? Or around here?"

"In Paris. I have to stop by my old apartment to pick up some more stuff anyway… I won't be long."

"Okay, then."

17. Perfect World

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 17

"Perfect world"

.................................................

No matter how hard I try, you keep pushing me aside

And I can't break through – there's no talking to you (…)

After all is said and done, you're gonna be the lonely one

Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say

I really don't think you're strong enough, no…

Cher, "Believe"

.................................................

Love was the most powerful of feelings.

Julia had learned that in the past few days, and she'd already understood why.

She had once heard that love covered a multitude of sins, and that was true. Her love for James made it possible for her to forgive several of his mistakes, and overlook his many little flaws.

"Love has long patience, does not impute evil, bears all things, believes all things, endures all things…" She wasn't so sure about those other attributes anymore.

Mrs. Rutilia, a very pious woman, had taught Julia that she should never judge anyone, and believe that everyone was essentially good. Julia wasn't certain that her beloved mother's advice could guide her right now. She had trusted James completely, refraining from speaking against Lily – and things had only gotten worse.

"Love never fails." Oh, Julia had lost track of how many times she had read the thirteenth chapter of the first epistle of Paul to the Corinthians… It had always been one of her favourite parts of the Bible. She had never doubted it before. She wasn't even sure if she doubted it now.

Was there still hope for them? Would James ever come back to her? Would things remain the same? Did he expect her to ignore what had happened with Lily, to pretend she didn't know about it?

Why did love never fail? Their love had failed, or so it seemed. Perhaps there was hope…

Julia didn't know why she was so keen on keeping James. Well, of course she knew – she loved him, and didn't want to lose him –, but she didn't know why she still loved him, despite everything.

In truth, love encompassed all sorts of feelings; she knew that now.

Julia had no doubt whatsoever that she loved James. But she also knew that, right now, she hated him more than she could ever hate another human being – including the bastards who had killed her sister, and even You-Know-Who himself.

How could he do this to her? How could he take their relationship so lightly? How could he simply ignore all that they'd shared together, and throw caution to the wind just to indulge in a lustful one-night-stand?

Was he really that heartless?

No, she told herself at once. James could be many things, but not heartless. She knew that, deep inside, he loved her.

But he'd cheated on Julia. He'd slept with Lily Ev– Potter. His bloody wife, not that they'd ever even lived together or anything.

Julia still couldn't believe he had done that to her. How could he? How could he?

Oh, he hadn't said anything to her, and neither had Lily. In truth, Julia avoided meeting her rival as much as possible these days … And to think they had once been great friends!

Not anymore. Lily had betrayed her in the worst way possible – she had stabbed her in the back without as much as considering the disastrous consequences of sleeping with James.

They thought they could hide it from her! Oh, Julia wasn't stupid. She hadn't paid much attention to their antics at first – she had pretended she couldn't see James only had eyes for Lily, and talked about her all day long…

Julia had managed to keep up the pretence that nothing was really happening for quite a while. She hoped James would come to his senses. She trusted that he would soon realise Lily was not the right girl for him.

Merlin, Lily's so-called qualities were nothing but a phony mask! In reality, she was nothing but a cold slut, whose favourite pastime was toying with people's feelings and screwing up their lives.

How could James think that she was for real? He was a warm, sensitive guy, who was always honest about his opinions and feelings… Lily only cared about what people thought of her; she just wanted to be worshipped by everyone. And she would stop at nothing to achieve that.

She put up a different façade around each person she knew. Julia had already noticed it; she had been stupefied to see how differently Lily acted around James, for instance. Or around Alain – poor guy! She had taken hold of him with her poisonous claws, and needlessly broken his heart…

Lily had never cared about him. She never cared about anyone, not for real.

Julia had already heard her making some wayward comments about Sirius, and she didn't doubt that the two of them had already had an affair at some point. If so, it had certainly happened behind James' back, while he and Lily were still dating.

Merlin, if Lily didn't care about hurting her best friend's feelings – Julia knew that Leylann really loved Sirius, deep inside –, then how could she ever have second thoughts before getting involved with James again, and breaking his heart once more?

Oh, Julia remembered his state after their first break-up! How could she not? All the Hogwarts students had been absolutely stunned by the Head Students' drastic change of behaviour after James' lethal affair with Kate Malshirn.

Now Julia doubted if Lily had even really loved James back then. No, she knew better than to believe that someone as heartless as Lily could ever feel real love. She had surely faked all that misery.

Why could James want to get involved with someone like that?

Julia was afraid of losing James, of course. And it would be even worse to lose him to someone who would only make him suffer more…

Yes, she loved him. She loved him, she hated him, she wanted to kill him, and she wanted to stay with him forever. Her heart yearned for him, her arms craved to hold him once more, and her eyes burned with the bitter tears she longed to shed…

Julia had been betrayed. She had seen it in his eyes, in his comfortable behaviour around Lily, in the intimate looks the two of them shared when they thought she wasn't watching…

Merlin, she hated him.

What did he want? What could he possibly want from Lily that Julia was unable to give him? What could he hope for in a relationship that would force him to pretend to be someone he wasn't most of the time?

Lily would never appreciate him for what he really was! James was really a gentle, unpretentious guy who enjoyed peace and quiet. He was surprisingly conservative at times, and always mindful of other people's feelings.

Oh, of course James could be a little controlling every once in a while, but for the most part he was really meek, and liked taking things slow. He wasn't possessive or jealous; he avoided arguing with Julia, and always apologised whenever he said something that hurt her.

Julia was sure that, like her, he dreamed of growing old with someone he loved. He wanted to stay with her; he needed stability. Lily would never agree to be with him for good. He couldn't possibly hope for that! Of all people, he knew that she was extremely fickle…

So was it only lust? Was that why he'd spent the night with Lily?

If that were the case, Julia would forgive him. Sharing his body with her wasn't half as bad as sharing his heart…

Oh, she couldn't bear the thought that James had actually fallen in love with that bitch. He couldn't have – he still loved Julia.

He still loved her… It was a comforting thought. He would forget Lily in time, and his love for Julia would remain untouched.

It was really very simple. She was exaggerating the situation – things weren't that bad. James was having an affair… big deal. Julia really expected to be in it with him for the long run, and there would always be other women.

Julia didn't mind; or at least she would force herself not to worry about it. He would still love her, no matter what. She would do whatever it took to keep James, and she would succeed.

"Now abide faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love."

Yes, she would succeed. After all, love was the most powerful of feelings.

.................................................

Ils se sont cachés dans un grand champs de blé

Se laissant porter par le courant

Se sont racontés leurs vies qui commençaient

Ils n'étaient encore que des enfants (...)

Qui cueillerent le ciel au creux de leurs mains

Comme on cueille la providence, refusant de penser au lendemain...

Michel Sardou, "Une belle histoire"

.................................................

"So, what did I miss?"

"You left right after we went to the French Ministry, right?" Lily asked, grinning. Valerie nodded. "Merlin, you missed out on quite a bit."

"Really?"

"Yeah!" Leylann replied, chuckling. "Mrs. Potter here has done many… interesting things this week."

Valerie nearly fell off her chair – literally –, and started to laugh. "You're joking. Was that for real? I thought it was just a big misunderstanding with Rita Skeeter! You're really married to him?"

Lily laughed. The absinthe was already having quite an effect on them all. She could feel that characteristic light-headedness… "Yeah, it was for real."

"Oh, really? And how did that happen?"

"We –"

"Let me tell it!" Leylann interrupted. "It was the night before Valentine's Day, and the Marauders – that's the name of James' little gang, you've probably heard of it – decided to take their girlfriends to Hogsmeade, a village near our school. That, of course, included yours truly, and little Mrs. Potter here, back when she was Miss Evans."

Lily couldn't stop giggling. She had considered herself Miss Evans until one week ago, for goodness' sake!

"And then suddenly we realised that Lily and James had disappeared. They were just… gone. Knowing them, we dutifully ignored that – they were probably hiding in some dark corner, occupied with their own private celebration of Valentine's Day. So we decided to go out and walk around the village in pairs, waiting for the two lovebirds to meet us."

"Were you drunk?"

"No, just a little tipsy. Lily and James never needed alcohol to do these crazy things. We all ended up running into them more or less at the same time, near the outskirts of the town, shagging like bunnies out in the open."

Valerie guffawed. "How many of you were there?"

"Seven, in total, even though they didn’t all see each other at once," Lily replied. "So of course we were automatically married. It never occurred to me I had to check the Registry… And now here I am – Mrs. Potter."

"When are you going to get a divorce?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? You're just… okay with it?"

"She wouldn't dream of getting a divorce, now that her marriage is finally beginning to work!"

"You – you shagged him?"

Lily nodded smugly.

"All week long, anywhere, anytime. I feel like we're back at Hogwarts, except they don't live together anymore. But I'm sure that will be remedied soon enough."

"Lily and James lived together?"

"Well, almost. They were Head Students, see, and their rooms were connected."

"How… practical."

"Very much so."

Val emptied her glass, and gestured for Leylann to fill it again. "And what does Alain think about all this?"

"We broke up!"

"No, he dumped her."

"Yeah, that's more accurate."

Val stared at Lily, shocked. "Oh. My. God."

"Yeah."

"I can't believe it!"

"Uh-huh."

"I thought that was impossible."

"So did I."

"You – you shouldn't have waited so long to break up with him."

"I know."

"It must've really hurt your pride."

"It did."

"You're relieved, aren't you?"

"Of course."

"Yeah. But he shouldn't have been the one to do it."

"No, he shouldn't have."

"It's fair, though."

"Yeah, it's only fair."

.................................................

Lights go down; it's dark, the jungle is

Your head can't rule your heart

A feeling so much stronger than a thought

Your eyes are wide, and though your soul it can't be bought

Your mind can wander…

U2, "Vertigo"

.................................................

"Was he really as bad in bed as you used to say?"

"Oh, yeah. Or maybe worse."

Leylann grinned. "You know, the other day James asked me if you'd been faking it all these years."

Lily laughed. "Yeah, he happened to see Alain at my place. What did you say?"

"I suggested that you'd lied to him."

"Excellent."

Valerie raised an eyebrow. Just how intimate were Leylann and James? She didn't know, but in her opinion such matters definitely weren't normal conversation topics between two acquaintances.

"What do you mean, 'how intimate'?" Lily asked with a strange grin.

Valerie's eyes widened. She hadn't realised she'd said that out loud. "I – I mean –"

"I've already slept with him, if that's what you're asking," Leylann replied.

The poor girl was extremely shocked; Lily and Leylann started laughing hysterically again.

"How did Sirius feel about this? And – and what about Lily, was she around?"

"My guess," Leylann managed to gasp, still guffawing, "is that they both felt pretty damned good about it, since they were shagging just a few feet away as well."

"What?"

"We used to try different experiences like that every once in a while – you know, to keep things interesting."

"And the guys were okay with it?"

"Okay? Okay? It was their idea!" Leylann answered, shaking her head. "James is very handsome and all, but I'll always prefer Sirius. I wouldn't have suggested that if Sirius hadn't come up with it."

"It was his idea, then, not James'?"

Lily stretched lazily. The drowsiness was beginning to kick in, she realised all of a sudden. Oh, crap. It was much too early to go to sleep! "I suppose every guy fantasises about shagging his girlfriend's friends. James liked the idea when Sirius talked to him, but I'm quite confident he wouldn't have let any other man come near me."

"He's very possessive of you. I was a little surprised when he agreed, to be honest."

"Well, he trusts Sirius completely. Of course things might have changed a little since that stupid revenge of mine back at Hogwarts –"

"What revenge?" Valerie interrupted.

Leylann sighed, and explained, "After James cheated on her, Lily kissed Sirius right in front of him, leading him to believe she was having an affair with his best friend."

"Ouch. That must’ve been bad."

"It was."

"But why was he so mad, if he let Sirius sleep with you all the time?"

"For starters, it wasn't all the time. We only did it two or three times. Not to mention that those three times I had James' authorization, and he was close to us – it was a mutual agreement. It didn't bug me to see him with Leylann in that situation, and it didn't bug him to see Sirius with me. But I know that, if I'd caught him kissing Leylann on the grounds, I would have had a thing or two to say to them," Lily explained, glaring jealously at her best friend.

Leylann laughed. "Calm down, girl. That didn't even happen."

"I know! Good for you it didn't, or I would have mercilessly Disintegrated you and thrown your remains in the Great Lake."

Leylann grinned, and turned to face Valerie. "She gets very violent when it comes to James, see. He's not the only possessive one!"

"Oh, no, no, no. It's not like that at all. I'm not possessive, I'm just saying –"

"Of course you are," Leylann agreed sarcastically.

"You're lying."

"That's not the point. You got me to admit what you wanted. I have the right to believe whatever I want, and you will not convince me."

"All right, all right!" Lily threw her arms up, surrendering. "The prosecution rests its case."

Valerie laughed, and lifted her cup in a mocking salute. "Objection, Your Honour! I –"

"Overruled, overruled, whatever it is," Leylann intervened impatiently, reaching for the bottle.

"Shut up, Leylann. What is it, Val?"

The girl smiled sheepishly. "I want more absinthe."

"Oh." Leylann laughed, and gave her the bottle. "Sustained!"

.................................................

Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big, fake smiles and stupid lies, when deep inside you're bleeding

No, you don't know what it's like when nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like to be like me…

Simple Plan, "Welcome to my life"

.................................................

Remus Lupin liked living alone. Well, he'd learned to like it, at least, after a few years.

It was logic, really. If he had a roommate, he would have to choose someone who knew about his lycanthropy and had no problem with it. And it would be very, very hard to find someone like that.

There were the other three Marauders, of course. But Peter lived with his mother; she depended on his help, and refused to hire a professional nurse. As for Sirius and James… Remus would never have thought that those two wouldn't live together after Hogwarts.

He bore no resentment whatsoever. Sirius and James had known each other long before Hogwarts, and they were best friends. Naturally, they were very close to Remus and Peter as well, but it was a little different, and they all knew it.

James… James had always been the leader. Even when he was down, even when he was little but a wreck, the other three still looked up to him. It was something innate – a quality Remus couldn't describe. It seemed like he would always know what to do, and the best way to do it.

Everybody fell under James' spell with surprising speed. His entire world revolved around him; all his acquaintances experienced his magnetism, and only a few of them realised it. They could love him or hate him, but no one was indifferent.

It was fortunate that the three most magnetic personalities Remus had ever known – James, Lily, and Sirius, in that order – got along so well.

Remus couldn't help but grin. Yes, despite outward appearances, Lily and James did get along extraordinarily well. They both made too many concessions, if that was even possible. He worshipped the ground she walked on, and she was too spellbound to take advantage of it.

Lily would never take complete control of her life, not with James. No other man could have overpowered her this completely, and she knew it – and that was why she loved being with him.

Remus idly wondered what would have happened if Lily had stayed with Sirius instead of James. Would he have tamed her, too? Probably not… She was stronger than him; he didn't have enough natural authority to impose himself.

Suddenly, he caught himself, and shook his head. It wouldn't have happened. Lily and Sirius didn't have enough in common. It would kill him inside, little by little, to be domesticated by her, even if they loved each other.

Sirius had simple needs, and despaired when they weren't satisfied. Remus grinned, knowing that his friend resembled a puppy more than anyone he'd ever known. He remembered one specific busy day, not too long ago, when the poor guy had practically bounced around the place all afternoon until James, desperate, had offered to do Padfoot's part of the work, and begged him to go out and party.

Sirius had to have fun. It was really that simple.

Back in Auror training, he and James had been locked up with a few more people in a small space, and they had been forced to work together for a few days, with rationed food. Merlin… that had been a nightmare. Sirius had freaked out, and nearly failed the task. He couldn't stand to be confined; he couldn't stand not to have fun for too long. That was just who he was.

Sirius hadn't even bothered taking the elective Hostage 101 course. He knew that he could never handle being a hostage; it was useless to try and practice.

They were unlikely friends, all of them. Sirius' immaturity constantly exasperated the three of them. They were always trying to get Peter to be less of a pushover. James was the kind of guy who got along with everyone but never opened up to anyone; one would not have thought that he would have such a group of close friends.

As for Remus himself… Well, he'd never thought that he would have any friends, period. His condition isolated him from the rest of the magical community. Despite that, he was a gentle man – and he was trying hard to remain that way, but it was almost impossible.

Most people who learned of his true nature were scared of him. Either that or they gave him those patronising looks of fake pity. The uncomfortable smiles, the badly disguised frowns, the uncontrollable wincing! Oh, there were times when Remus hated the wizarding world.

And that was when he remembered that there were good wizards out there. Many, many of them. Wizards who had no prejudice against werewolves; people who would know better than to ignore him anytime other than the full moon.

Unfortunately, the woman he loved was not one of those people.

.................................................

I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes, but it's only me, and I walk alone

I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams

Where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one, and I walk alone

I walk alone, I walk alone…

Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"

.................................................

Remus threw a bitter look at the silver chains lying in a corner of his room – they had made him howl in desperate pain less than one week ago. Thanks to the soundproofing charm, the neighbours hadn't heard a thing… But the memory still made him shiver.

He hated spending the full moon locked in his room, bound to the wall by chains that burnt his skin and drove him mad. But he'd had no choice.

Remus didn't trust himself to face the full moon alone anymore. He'd gotten used to having Sirius and James there to control the Wolf; the prospect of meeting an innocent wanderer frightened him.

Last week, James had been too busy with work to come and be with him. That was fine; Remus could understand. But Sirius… Sirius had simply forgotten about the full moon, and had gone out with some girl.

Remus couldn't possibly have left the house alone with little Wormtail, who for obvious reasons couldn't control him. So he had been forced to remain at home and bear the torture of being restrained by the damned silver chains.

Oh, Sirius hadn't done it on purpose, and Remus knew it. It wasn't the first time that had happened. But it still had been a little hard to face him a few days later, at James' party, like nothing had happened.

Remus was learning to forgive. It was hard, without a doubt, but it wouldn't do him any good to hold grudges. Any accumulated hatred made it easier for the Wolf to take over – so he had to make an effort to remain moderate.

Sometimes he wished he could afford the luxury of holding grudges against people. That was a privilege most people took for granted.

But right now he only wished he weren't a werewolf. It was rather simple, wasn't it? His life would have been so much better if he hadn't been bitten all those moons ago, in that fateful December, 1962.

For instance, he would have been able to continue with Sylvie.

Remus took a sharp intake of breath, and tried to keep her out of his mind, just for a few more minutes. He had to save his grieving for after the break-up.

And he had only started going out with her three weeks ago! Oh, he got attached to women way too easily. It made him suffer, and it wasn't worth it. He just couldn't help himself.

Loving was part of being human. He hated it.

.................................................

I'm just another heart in need of rescue, waiting on love's sweet charity

And I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days

'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams

Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known

Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone…

Whitesnake, "Here I go again"

.................................................

Remus walked to the kitchen and made some hot chocolate. He needed warmth; he wanted to feel comforted. He couldn't understand if he was indeed cursed to spend the rest of his life totally alone, but it certainly seemed so, and that disheartened him.

"Hey, Moony!"

As usual, Padfoot had quietly Apparated to one of the rooms and tried to surprise his friend. It was useless; Remus had heard him. It was amazing – even after all these years, Sirius still didn't know better than to try and trick his friend's sharp senses.

"Hello, Sirius."

"Oh, what's wrong?"

Remus took a sip from his cup, and maintained a carefully neutral facial expression. "Nothing. I'm fine."

Sirius shook his head, and pulled up a chair to sit next to him. "I can tell you're upset. Is it about last week's full moon?"

"No, of course not," Remus answered, drinking a little more. "It's fine, Padfoot. Really."

"I just forgot… I'm sorry. Things happen. And Prongs, you know he was busy. I'm sorry, Moony. It won't happen again."

"Yes, of course."

Remus looked preoccupied. Sirius could see it clearly, he just didn't know why. It was time to begin guessing.

"Is everything all right with Sylvie?"

"Yeah," Remus replied quickly – too quickly.

"Oh. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Moony –" Sirius began sternly.

"I'm breaking up with her soon, that's all."

"But why? You really like her…"

"I know. It's just – it won't work."

"She didn't believe your lie about the full moon?"

"She did. But… but she told me something that's bound to get in the way of our relationship."

"What?"

Remus smiled bitterly and finished his hot chocolate before continuing. "Her family was attacked by a werewolf while they were on holiday, many years ago. Her little sister died, and her father was heavily injured. They only realised he'd been bitten too late – he killed Sylvie's little brother before his wife managed to hex him. He died."

Sirius' jaw dropped. One couldn't tell that Sylvie and Dominic had had such a tragic childhood by looking at them. Poor things!

Oh, Merlin. The last thing she would want was to get involved with a werewolf. Remus was right – he had to end it, and soon, before she discovered his secret.

"I'm so sorry, Moony. That's awful."

Remus shrugged. Another heartbreak; more pain. Why did it still hurt to lose a partner, after all this time?

"I'll get over it."

Sirius looked at him with legitimate concern. But he knew Remus would rise above it – he always did. Moony was the only Marauder who dealt well with strong emotions.

Poor thing.

.................................................

It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you when we're out at night

Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right (…)

Why can't I breathe whenever I think of you?

Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?

It's inevitable…

Liz Phair, "Why Can't I?"

.................................................

"So, what were we talking about?"

Valerie grinned. "Alain. And his tiny wiener!"

"Ah," Leylann said, also grinning. "I think we've talked enough about that."

"What about James, what's he like?"

Lily sighed. Damn, she missed him. Already. They had spent all afternoon together, but apparently that wasn't enough for her.

Did he miss her, too? Oh, he was probably with Julia, too busy pleasing his girlfriend to remember his lonely wife.

She chuckled. Had she just described herself as someone's lonely wife? Merlin, how depressing.

"Oh, he's better," she replied. "Much better."

"Bigger?"

Leylann laughed. "Val, even Peter Pettigrew is bigger than Alain. He's really that pathetic."

"You've slept with Pettigrew too?" Valerie asked, taken aback.

"No!" she replied at once. "He's totally not my type. No, James said that."

"Oh, I see. So, what about James? Is he bigger than Peter, then?"

"Yes, Valerie. Of course! Gosh."

The doorbell rang, and Leylann wobbled to see who it was. "Three to one it's Sirius," she stated cheerfully.

"Five to one it's James," Lily said at once.

"Right, as usual," he said, entering the room. "Hi, Leylann."

Noticing her state, he offered his arm as support until they arrived at the couch. Leylann sat down, giggling. "How chivalrous."

James grinned. "Hey, Valerie."

"Hi, James," she greeted, blushing. How could she look at him so soon after talking to Lily about him? "I'm sorry I didn't go to your birthday party. I was on vacation."

"It's all right," he said, sitting next to Lily and kissing her softly. "Hey, you."

"Hey," she breathed out, feeling all tingly inside. Oh, she was glad he'd come. He'd chosen her over Julia! Thinking of the credulous girl made Lily curious… What excuse had he used this time? "Where does Julia think you are?"

"Work," he replied, his voice muffled against her hair.

Lily contentedly leaned her head on his shoulder, and looked at the other girls. They were watching the couple benevolently, happy that they'd finally gotten back together.

"What am I interrupting?" James asked, wrapping a protective arm around Lily's waist and pulling her a little closer. "Should I ask what you were talking about?"

"You and your tiny wiener, actually," Leylann answered soberly.

"What?!"

Lily let out a soft chuckle. Valerie grinned broadly. Leylann soon started laughing too. James then realised that it had been a joke.

"We were comparing you and Alain; you know he doesn't stand a chance," Lily said, still smiling. "And Valerie was shocked to hear that you've already slept with Leylann."

"Ah, I see."

"Do you three have any plans of doing it again any time soon?"

"Why, Val, are you thinking of joining?" Lily joked.

"Nah, it's not really my kind of thing."

James threw Leylann a coy look, and she bit her lip. "I have nothing against the idea, you know."

Lily glanced at him. "You haven't done it in a while, right?"

"Since you left."

"Hmm, I wonder why you never suggested it to Julia."

"Are you kidding? The girl won't even accept –"

Lily interrupted him. "– I know. I'm her best friend, remember?"

"You are?" Valerie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, I was."

"Yeah, you were. Not anymore," Leylann said, frowning. She didn't think Lily cared about losing that particular friendship. She and Julia had never had much in common anyway. "Never again. You can be sure of that."

.................................................

I will be waiting, always waiting for you to let me inside

Where your fire burns, in a city of angels

Just like a river rushing straight to the sea

I'm the one thing meant for you and you for me

Whatever you want, whatever you need

Whatever it takes, I'll do anything…

The Calling, "Anything"

.................................................

Minutes lazily turned into hours. The girls were getting more and more tired, but they didn't stop talking for a second. James would have fled the scene a long time ago if Lily hadn't made it quite clear that she wanted him there.

Listening to them was entertaining, in a way. James had never quite understood why girls always assumed guys had ulterior motives whenever they did or said something. But now he was beginning to wonder if the reason was that girls always had ulterior motives.

Oh, not Lily – not always, at least. Of course she manipulated him every once in a while, just like she toyed with everyone else's lives… He did it, too. But there were many times when the reasons for her actions were obvious – especially to him.

But right now, James wasn't sure why Lily wanted him there. He wasn't able to contribute much to the discussion, after all. Every once in a while, the girls required some male perspective on a specific situation, but it was rare.

His main function at the moment was being Lily's warm pillow, and he didn't mind at all. She was curled in his lap, leaning her head on his shoulder, and occasionally looked up and kissed him.

It was a very comfortable position, he had to admit. Naturally, he would much rather be shagging her in her room or something, but it felt nice to stay with her like this, just enjoying the closeness.

Lily clearly didn't want him to leave any time soon; she liked it, too. She probably wouldn't even have admitted that to herself, but she did.

"I didn't tell you that?" Leylann asked excitedly. "Right, I forgot. See, Jason gave me this really huge bouquet of daffodils – and you know what daffodils mean, right?"

The only problem was, he didn't know how much more girl talk he'd be able to handle. James sighed; there was only one solution to that.

"Val, pass me the absinthe, will you?"

.................................................

Amor da minha vida, daqui até a eternidade

Nossos destinos foram traçados na maternidade (...)

Por você eu largo tudo -- vou mendigar, roubar, matar

Até nas coisas mais banais, pra mim é tudo ou nunca mais

Jogado aos seus pés, eu sou mesmo exagerado...

Cazuza, "Exagerado"

.................................................

"I need to go back," James said quietly. "Julia might decide to check if I'm at the office or something if I take too long."

Lily sighed, and didn't answer. He was right.

"I'm getting sick of all this sneaking around… I have to break up with her," he stated, carefully watching Lily's reaction.

She seemed pleased for a second, but soon frowned. "Don't do it just because of me, James."

"By that you mean 'don't do it expecting me to get officially involved with you,' of course."

Lily grinned. "Exactly."

He nudged her playfully. "We're already married, honey. It doesn't get any more official than that."

Still grinning, she turned, kneeling on the couch and sitting in his lap. James embraced her and they kissed.

James didn't want to leave… Unfortunately, he hadn't broken up with Julia yet, so he was obliged to go now – and, if possible, get rid of her that same night.

"It's her birthday next week," Leylann called from her armchair. "It would be mean to dump her now, James."

"Good point," Valerie agreed.

They weren't entirely sure the couple had heard. Their initially gentle kiss had already become a shameless make-out session, and they definitely seemed very busy.

"I think you'll need to repeat that," Valerie said, grinning.

"I will, no problem. Aw, Val, don't they look perfect together? They're so cute!"

The two girls watched Lily and James with lenient smiles on their faces. They did look great together.

Valerie and Leylann couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous. Would they find someone that perfect someday?

.................................................

(You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling

Baby, we're not buying; hun, we saw you hit the ceiling

Face it like a grown-up! When are you gonna own up that you've got it bad?)

(…) You're way off base, I won't say it! Get off my case, I won't say it!

(Girl, don't be proud; it's okay, you're in love…)

Oh, at least out loud, I won't say I'm in love…

Hercules Soundtrack, "I won't say"

.................................................

"You love him."

Lily rolled her eyes. Not that again.

Leylann shook her head, annoyed. "It's obvious. It's so clear to everyone that I find it almost impossible to believe you haven't realised it yet."

"We're not in love, Leylann."

"So what, you hate him? Oh, yeah. Did you see all that hatred, Val?"

Valerie smirked. "Sure! They hate each other so much… It's scary."

"It's understandable why they think sex is the only possible release to all that detestation."

"Totally."

"It's not like that!" Lily wailed impatiently. "Of course I don't hate him!"

"Well, then what? You're just attracted to him?"

"Yes."

"And how do you explain the fact that you two were cuddling for hours here? That's not lust, Lily," Valerie stated categorically. "It's obviously way beyond that."

"Okay, so I like him. What's the big deal? Why do you insist on using that awful label? I'm not in love with him; I won't fall in love with him again, period. I just… enjoy being around him."

"You like spending time with him?"

"Yes."

"That's it?" Valerie asked one last time. "You don't think about being with him for good? Growing old and all?"

Lily grimaced. What was it with the two girls and their urge to know if she had suddenly decided to look for commitment?

"If I had to choose someone with whom I'd spend the rest of my life, of course I'd pick James. But that doesn't mean I want to stay with him for good now."

Leylann and Valerie grinned broadly. They had liked that answer; Lily was slowly beginning to accept the truth.

It was only a matter of time until she confessed her undying love for James.

.................................................

In a perfect world, this would never happen (…)

It makes no sense; I could just pick up the pieces

But to you, this means nothing, nothing at all…

I don't know what I should do now; I don't know where I should go

I'm still here, waiting for you…

Simple Plan, "Perfect world"

.................................................

James Apparated into his living room and was pleased to find all the lights off, and the flat peacefully silent.

He wasn't tired. The day hadn't been especially tough, and the prospect of spending four days without work was invigorating.

Turning on his bedroom light, he was stunned to find Julia sitting on his bed. Damn, the absinthe must have affected his senses. How could he not have noticed her presence?

She looked rather dejected, and James swore inwardly. Now he would have to deal with an annoying interrogation… And he couldn't even break up with her; Leylann had asked him to wait one more week.

Julia stood, and walked to him. She had clearly been crying; she morosely glanced at him, and he wondered just how much she knew about his latest escapades with Lily.

Once she was close enough, she noticed the scent of alcohol on his breath, and sniffed his shirt… Perfume. Lily's perfume.

Julia fought back tears with difficulty, knowing that her crying would only annoy him more. James had been with her; she was sure of it.

"Where were you?"

"At Leylann's," he answered at once.

Julia raised a sceptic eyebrow. "Right. You just decided to go to Leylann's for a drink or two. Merlin, James, at least come up with a decent excuse. You said you were going to work, if I'm not mistaken."

"I was there, but then I had to ask Lily something, so I went to Leylann's."

"You could've sent her an owl."

"Yes, but I wanted to discuss the matter with her, so going there was much more practical."

"How did you know she was at Leylann's?"

"She lives there now."

Julia was surprised by that information, but didn't show it. Well, why should Lily bother to inform her anything about her personal life these days? They weren't best friends anymore – they weren't even just friends. They were rivals.

"Oh. And why did you drink?"

"Well, I did what I had to do first. Leylann and Valerie were there, too, and we just drank and chatted for a while."

"What did you talk about?"

James sighed exasperatedly. "Random things. Come on, Julia. Enough with the third degree!"

"Oh, excuse me. I'm just not used to seeing my boyfriend come home in the middle of the night, drunk and smelling like another woman's perfume. Sorry!"

.................................................

It looks as though you're letting go; if it's real, I don't want to know…

Don't speak – I know just what you're saying

So please stop explaining; don't tell me, 'cause it hurts

Don't speak – I know what you're thinking

I don't need your reasons; don't tell me, 'cause it hurts…

No Doubt, "Don't Speak"

.................................................

Julia clearly didn't mean the apology, and James grimaced. What had happened to meek, affable Julia? She was always snappy and clingy these days… Very annoying.

"I've already told you where I was."

Julia closed her eyes for a few seconds, taking deep breaths. She was clearly making a decision. "All right, James, listen. I'm willing to play dumb, I really am. It breaks my heart, but I don't want to lose you. I just need to know what kind of relationship you have with Lily – is it really only lust?"

James was truly shocked. He would never have expected such a selfless statement from Julia. What was he supposed to say? The truth, perhaps. But then again, he wasn't sure of what that was.

"She's seducing you, James; I can see it clearly. And you're falling for it."

"Julia –"

"I know, I know. You think your precious Lily would never be capable of such a thing. You think you know her. Merlin, she must be so glad she convinced you of that… Lily's a manipulative bitch, James. You can try to ignore it, but it's true."

"I –"

"I just want to make sure you know what you're doing," Julia continued. She couldn’t hold it anymore – she started crying. "You're being a fool, James. You're trading someone who loves you more than anything for someone who doesn't, and can't, love you."

"I'm not trading –"

"I'm not stupid!" she shrieked, sobbing uncontrollably. "You've already slept with her, and we both know it. If you thought I wouldn't notice, well, then you've underestimated me! I'm not just going to sit around and let you cheat on me like that. We have a mature, deep relationship – let's talk about it, and figure out what we're going to do next."

James buried his head in his hands. After a few seconds, he decided to tell her at least part of the truth. "All right. I am attracted to her; I admit it. But –"

"I don't need to know," Julia hurried to interrupt him. Slowly, she was regaining her self-control; she'd already stopped crying. "Some things are better left unsaid."

He glanced at her, puzzled. Was Julia going insane? It definitely seemed like it.

"I just want to know if you're falling in love with her again, that's all. Do you still love me, James? Is it Lily's body you're after, or did she manage to get to your heart as well?"

James frowned, and his eyes betrayed his utter confusion. Julia seemed slightly relieved; if he wasn't sure, then there was still hope for her.

"I'm going to spend a week with my mother, in Rome," she said quietly. "I'm coming back for my birthday party, and we'll talk again. You spend some time thinking until then – think hard, James. And try to understand what that bitch is trying to get you to do. She has no real interest in you; she's just in it for the thrill of the chase."

"When are you leaving?"

"Now," Julia answered with a small smile. "You have seven days to figure out how you feel about Lily. I hope you manage to keep a safe distance from her during this time, so that you can achieve an objective, balanced view of the situation."

James nodded.

"Goodbye, James. I love you."

"Me too," he replied, as usual.

James immediately regretted saying it; those two words had never seemed so hollow. Julia didn't notice. After a quick kiss, she Disapparated, and he was finally alone.

Merlin, how wonderful! He was free for one entire week, and then he'd break up with Julia for good. Their arrangement couldn't have been more perfect.

.................................................

Isn't this the best part of breaking up?

Finding someone else you can't get enough of

Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we're gonna scratch…

Liz Phair, "Why Can't I?"

.................................................

Lily woke with a start, her heart beating quickly. She had heard a strange noise coming from the kitchen… Her brain had quickly interpreted the information and rang all the necessary alarm bells in her mind. There was someone in the apartment.

Lily glanced at the door leading to the hallway; it was closed. So the source of the noise definitely hadn't been any of the girls.

She silently reached for her wand, clutching it tightly.

There was a small flash of light, and Lily froze. Had she been caught? Soon, however, everything was dark and still again.

Trying hard not to make any sudden movements, she lowered one leg to the ground. The cold touch of the floor made her gasp. She suddenly felt very cold, and wished she had remembered to put on a jumper or something before walking around the house in a sheer nightgown; it was almost winter, and the weather was already very chilly.

The only sounds Lily could hear were her own heavy breathing and her heart thumping. Who could it possibly be? Well, a Death Eater, of course, but… Oh, she didn't want to die like this. Alone, at home, wearing just a skimpy black silk camisole. Cornered, defenceless, trapped. Alone.

'Oh, for goodness' sake, shut up.'

Right. So she was about to die, and all she could think of were her bloody clothes. And the sadness of dying all alone.

Great.

Squinting, Lily noticed there didn't seem to be anyone else in the living room… So maybe it was safe to stand up and run to the kitchen. But then again, the intruder could have gone to some other room – or maybe he was invisible.

Everything happened very abruptly. A hand quickly pushed her wand to the floor, while the other slipped underneath her back and pulled her up a little; there were suddenly warm lips kissing her, strong arms holding her… Reflexively, she wrapped her legs around the person’s waist.

Lily groaned and lightly tugged James' hair to keep his face away from hers while she glared at him. Oh, of course it had to be him – no other man would have dreamed of doing this.

She couldn't see his face well in the dark, but she could feel his grin. Her chest heaved with irregular breathing. "Merlin," she said, sternly looking into his playful eyes. "Merlin, James, I –"

"Shh," he whispered, glancing at her nightgown, wondering if he should bother removing it now. "You don't want to wake the others, do you?"

"What do you want?"

James just smiled, and Lily rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. Indeed, it was a silly question.

"Why are you sleeping in the living room?"

"Valerie's sleeping in my room."

"Oh. Why?"

"Bernard was beating her up," Lily explained. She felt James' eyes flash; he clenched his jaw. If there was one thing he had never tolerated, it was cowardice. He'd never hexed people who weren't capable of defending themselves, not even back when he was a bullying toerag. "I filed for obliviation, and she has to stay here while the French bureaucracy processes my request."

"I see. You can stay at my place, if you want."

Lily looked at him with genuine surprise. "What about Julia?"

"She's in Italy. We're… sort of taking a break at the moment."

"What if she decides to come back all of a sudden, or something?"

"She won't."

Lily seemed thoughtful for a while. Valerie would be safe with Leylann. Julia… Well, Lily just didn't care enough about her to worry.

The real issue here was whether she wanted to spend four days with James. And the answer, of course, was enthusiastically positive.

Dutifully ignoring that small part of her mind yelling (just for a change) that getting involved with James for real like this was dangerous, Lily smiled.

"Yeah… Sure, I'll go."

.................................................

Watching every motion in my foolish lovers' game

On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame (...)

Through the hourglass I saw you, in time you slipped away

When the mirror crashed, I called you, and turned to hear you say

If only for today, I am unafraid...

Jessica Simpson, "Take my breath away"

18. Falling

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 18

"Falling"

.................................................

Wednesday, November 22nd, 1978

.................................................

On s'est aimé, n'en parlons plus, et la vie continue

Ça va pas changer le monde, ça va pas le déranger

Il est comme avant, le monde; c'est toi seule qui a changé

Moi, je suis resté le même – celui qui croyait que tu l'aimais

C'était pas vrai, n'en parlons plus, et la vie continue...

Joe Dassin, "Ça va pas changer le monde"

.................................................

"Maman, maman!"

Charlotte d'Épernay glanced at her daughter with exasperation. She loved the little enchantress, there was no doubt about it – it was impossible to resist her genial smiles – but life would be so much easier if Fleur didn't demand constant attention!

At the moment, the one-year-old was extremely annoyed, and wouldn't be easily appeased. A man whom she did not know had simply entered the room and monopolised Charlotte. Of course the little girl couldn't stand by and let him do that!

Fleur in a temper was not a pretty sight. Charlotte could recognise the signs easily, and hurried to pick up her child.

Alain watched them, transfixed. Mme D'Épernay was a Veela, and had passed the gift of mesmerising people on to her daughter and granddaughter. Charlotte had always taken advantage of it; he knew that she was captivating him on purpose right now, but didn't really mind.

She ran her fingers through her long blonde hair and smiled amiably at Alain. He grinned instinctively; it was always like this with her. Looking deep into her blue eyes, he wondered what it would have been like to marry such an enticing woman. Would he have been happy? Would he have even remembered to ask himself that question?

Well, Alain had already made his choice. He had defied his entire family by breaking up with Charlotte and dating Lily Evans instead… She was Lily Potter now, who had ditched him to be with her husband, the same Lily Potter whom he had dumped just because he couldn't bear the thought that his girlfriend's heart belonged to another man.

And now here he was, with Charlotte again. Oh, no, not like that! He was just visiting. She had called Alain, presumably after hearing that he'd broken up with Lily. The once self-important Mlle D'Épernay had fallen from her high horse less than a year after she and Alain had broken up – she had been knocked up by some guy whom she hadn't married.

Oh, the scandal! Poor Mme D'Épernay had been shocked. The family couldn't alienate the elderly couple's only heiress, so they had convinced her to get rid of the baby. However, Charlotte had changed her mind after discovering that she was expecting a girl.

She did not regret that decision. Fleur d'Épernay was everything for which Charlotte could have hoped… But he half-Veela's reputation had been tarnished. And that, Alain suspected, was why he had been summoned to her today.

Fleur was still looking at him with distrust, but the reassurance of her mother'sarms made her less wary.

"'Ello," she greeted.

"Hello, Mlle D'Épernay," he replied in French. The mere sound of English unnerved him these days.

Fleur flashed him a radiant, glittery smile before turning to her mother, and Alain groaned inwardly. Charlotte was clearly an efficient teacher; the girl was already quite capable of enchanting others. "Veux manger!"

"What's the magic word, darling?"

Fleur sighed impatiently, and Alain was stunned. He had never met a toddler this reactive before. The girl was certainly very premature.

"Lucy!" she called in a surprisingly loud voice. Charlotte rolled her eyes, but wasn't surprised at her daughter's irritation; this was clearly a usual occurrence.

A maid entered the room after a few seconds, and took Fleur to get nourishment. Charlotte and Alain stared after them for a few seconds before once more turning to face each other.

She softened visibly when gazing at him, and he couldn't help noticing that the Veela in Charlotte was much stronger than in her daughter. Perhaps that would come with time to little Fleur, but it was unlikely.

"She's got a bit of a temper," Charlotte said with a benevolent smile.

"Yes, but she's very adorable – it's easy to overlook it."

She grinned broadly.

"Fleur looks a lot like you," Alain continued. "She'll be a heartbreaker when she grows up, too. Of course you haven't been doing that much these days –"

She scowled. "I've had enough sermons about the consequences of my actions, Alain. I don't need any more."

"Okay."

.................................................

I loved you endlessly when you weren't there for me

So now it's time to leave and make it alone (…)

I don't wanna be the loser, and I've had enough

I don't wanna be a fool for you in this game for two

So I'm leaving you behind…

NSync, "Bye, bye, bye"

.................................................

"So, how have you been?"

Alain smiled sadly. "I'm pretty sure you know the answer to that."

"Right. Yes, I do. I felt truly sorry for you when I heard about the thing with that British Auror."

He knew she didn't mean it. "Thanks."

"You really liked her; anyone could see that."

"Yes."

"But she didn't love you back… That was also awfully obvious to everyone else but you, Alain."

He grimaced. "Is this where the 'I-told-you-so's begin? Merlin knows I've already heard plenty of those. I don't need a sermon either, Charlotte."

"Of course; I'm sorry. He was British too, you know – Fleur's father."

He was surprised by her revelation – no one knew much about Charlotte's mysterious ex-boyfriend –, but feigned indifference. "British? How interesting."

"Isn't it? What is it about those people that we can't resist?"

"Well, for me, it was really – I don't know. I've always detested the English; I only liked Lily."

"I see."

"You're already teaching the kid to speak English?"

"Yes, I figured it would be useful for her."

Alain shook his head. "Don't. If her father ever wants to reclaim her –"

"He will do no such thing," she intervened dismissively. "And that's why I wanted to talk to you."

Alain leaned back on his chair and closed his eyes. He was pretty sure of what Charlotte would propose.

He was almost positive that the child's father wasn't even aware of Fleur's existence, and Charlotte wanted to keep things that way. There was an easy way out of the uncomfortable situation for her.

She had given birth to Fleur almost ten months after breaking up with Alain. It would be perfectly acceptable for him to acknowledge the child as his… And Charlotte's renewed aura of respectability – not to mention the rich, desirable husband – would regain her unlimited access to Parisian Society.

And Alain… Well, he would gain a perfect trophy wife, and a great way to get back at Lily, not to mention that his family would be relieved to see him following their advice again. His tardiness in acknowledging Fleur could be explained by demonising his ex-girlfriend's temper.

"We were never deeply in love," she stated calmly. "And we never needed that. You know that our parents decided to marry us when we were small – and it would have been better for everyone if we had followed their wishes."

"You wanted freedom as much as I did, Charlotte. We broke up without resentment precisely because you wanted to see what it was like out there."

"Yes. And look what happened to that," she gestured towards the door with a smile. "I've had enough of this, Alain. My child needs a paternal figure."

Alain almost grinned. How hypocritical. She was perfectly capable of raising Fleur by herself. She was the one who needed that marriage, not her daughter, and they both knew it; but it was unnecessary to state the obvious truth.

"So your suggestion is that we should marry, and that I should register Fleur as my daughter?"

"Yes."

He seemed to ponder the issue for a while, and Charlotte held her breath. What now? If he refused, it would be hard to lay the groundwork to try again. If he said yes… Ah, that would be the solution to all her problems.

"I'm – not sure, Charlotte."

She frowned. "Alain, I –"

"Listen, you can't be in such a big hurry. You've waited for over a year; you can wait a week or two. Just give me a little time to think this through."

She knew better than to push him more now. "Okay."

Alain sighed. Yes, marrying Charlotte would be a wonderful way of getting back at Lily, but it would also mean losing her for good. With an inner shudder, he weighed the two girls' explosive tempers – and the half-Veela bombshell was the worst, by far. He would never dare to cheat on her or anything.

Not that he would ever have cheated on Lily, either. Frowning, Alain remembered that Potter's interest in her was only temporary. He was sure that it was only a matter of time before Lily dumped him, or vice-versa.

But that was beyond Alain's control. He had a choice to make now, one that didn't involve Lily – at least not for now.

Would he manage to move on, and let Potter have Lily?

.................................................

Thursday, November 23rd, 1978

.................................................

You see through, right to the heart of me

You break down my walls with the strength of your love

I never knew love like I've known it with you (…)

I won't hold it back again, this passion inside

Can't run from myself – there's nowhere to hide…

Whitney Houston, "I have nothing"

.................................................

Lily didn't need to open the blackout curtains to see what the weather was outside. She could guess. A dull, foggy morning just like any other… The softly tinkling drizzle announced another cold day, and no Londoner in his or her right mind could have hoped for anything else today.

Yawning, Lily hugged her pillow tightly. For some reason, waking up alone hadn't been a pleasurable experience. Why had she expected James to be there? She had never minded it when her boyfriends had left before dawn – in fact, she'd always preferred it when they did so.

Glancing at her watch, she was stunned to find out that it was past three. Merlin, Lily had really given up on routine, hadn't she? Such a radical transformation, so fast… She wondered when things would get back to normal.

Normal. Lily chuckled. She had yet to find out what 'normal' meant in this new situation. That would come with time; she wasn't worried about it.

Lily was just living one day at a time. Not worrying about the future was a pleasant novelty – even though she was pretty sure that it was a direct result of her denial.

Well, it wasn't really denial, since Lily knew that the preoccupation was there, buried deep inside. She just… ignored it. She pretended that she didn't care about whether or not she and James would have a future together. She tried to shrug off any thoughts about staying with James for good; they weren't important, she kept telling herself.

Lily hoped that she was getting better at convincing herself of that. After so many years, one could only hope.

She buried her face in James' pillows and hugged them tightly, remembering what it felt like to have him there with her. Where was he now? Why wasn't he there with her?

Well, he had probably left to have lunch or something. She couldn't expect the poor guy to wait over twelve hours for her to wake up…

Suddenly, Lily heard fast steps coming from the hallway. She felt the bed sink as James sat beside her and waited for her attention. She didn't turn to look at him.

"If you missed me this much, you could've just called, you know,"he joked. "You don't need to make out with my pillows; I'm available, sweetheart."

.................................................

Whatever you want, whatever you need

Anything you want done, baby, I will do it naturally

'Cause I'm every woman – it's all in me, it's all in me…

I can read your thoughts right now, everything from A to Z (…)

I consent your needs, like rain on to the seeds

I can make a rhyme of confusion in your mind

And when it comes to some old-fashioned love, I've got it…

Chaka Khan, "I'm every woman"

.................................................

"I didn't know you were home, honey," Lily replied, facing him with a grin.

"And where else could I be? It's three o'clock!"

She shrugged. "Out to lunch with the Marauders, maybe. Or perhaps you could've realised you missed Julia, and gone to visit her."

James chuckled. "I know we're crazy and all, but not even the Marauders have lunch at three AM, Lily."

"Oh. It's – oh… I've barely slept, then."

"Uh-huh. You must've dozed while I was in the shower."

"Shower. Right. You were with Julia, I can tell," she said, pouting and looking away. Anyone could tell she was trying hard not to smile.

He laughed. "Obsessive jealousy doesn't suit you."

"You'll see what suits me or not after you give me a good reason to be jealous," Lily replied at once. "Your behaviour has been irreprehensible so far."

"You mean other than breaking our marriage vows on a weekly basis for the past seven years?"

She seemed to ponder the question for a moment. "Well, we didn't actually take any vows."

"Good point."

"But you're trying to distract me from the real issue here. Did you or did you not Apparate to Rome for a quickie?"

"I did. In fact, I cast a sleeping spell on you, spent twenty-four hours in bed with my girlfriend, and then came back here to pretend nothing had happened."

"I knew it!"

James grinned and kissed her forehead. "You're a genius, did you know that?"

"Uh-huh," she agreed, pulling him down to lie beside her. "Maybe you should have tried to marry someone who would be more submissive to you."

"Nah. I love it when you defy me. I couldn't imagine marrying anyone else. You're the most important person in my life, and the one woman I've ever needed… You know that, don't you?"

Lily nodded, and gave in to his kiss, feeling strangely light-headed.

Yes, she knew. And she cared more about it than she would want to admit. She needed to hear him say that… She was sure that he meant it; James didn't need to use cheap lines to get into her pants, and they both knew it.

James was the only man she'd ever needed… But she didn't need to tell him that. He knew it, too.

.................................................

Par le temps que je prends pour ne penser qu'à toi

Par mes rêves de jour où tu règnes en idole (...)

Par la contradiction de ma tête et mon coeur

Par mes vingt ans perdus qu'en toi je réalise

Par tes regards lointains qui parfois me suffisent

Et me font espérer en quelques jours meilleurs

J'en deduis que je t'aime...

Charles Aznavour, "J'en deduis que je t'aime"

.................................................

"We have time," Lily whispered with uncharacteristic shyness.

He nodded, and moved back a little, lying beside her. There was no need to rush things tonight. They were both quite tired.

Propping herself up on one elbow, Lily put her leg around his midriff. James stroked her bare thigh almost absent-mindedly – they hadn't bothered getting dressed yet –and glanced at her.

Lily was looking at him with a strange expression. James couldn't quite place it; she seemed torn between worry and satisfaction. He slid his arm forward, and she rested her head on it, perfectly content to stay like that for now.

Lily closed her eyes, and James held his breath, staring at her. Every once in a while, he realised that he was impossibly lucky. Why had she come back to him? Did he deserve to be this happy after all that he had done?

She hadn't been the only woman whose heart he had broken. James had cheated on countless girls in the past few years, and was more than used to emotional break-ups. He'd even missed quite a few of the women afterwards, but he'd always known from the start that none of those fast relationships meant a thing to him.

Lily,however,did. He knew that perfectly well. James had already worked hard to get to some women who liked tobe difficult before; but none of them had required as much effort as Lily Evans had. And she had been worth the chase.

From the moment he'd managed to first get her, in Sixth Year, James knew that he never wanted to lose her. But he had. And now James had her again – he had been fortunate enough to get a second chance. He was terrified of losing her once more; the very thought of it made him nervous.

James admitted without difficulty the obvious truth. He had never forgotten Lily; his feelings for her had never really gone away.

All right, he thought with an inner grin. That wasn't so hard.

That much was evident. So he liked Lily. What a brilliant deduction.

Was he still in love with her?

His first response was an emphatic no. It didn't make any sense.

James should have moved on, and forgotten Lily. The love he'd felt for her should have waned with time. When seeing her again, all he was supposed to have felt was a bit of melancholy, or maybe some physical attraction.

No such thing had happened.

Well, of course he was attracted to her. And yes, he had initially thought that lust was all there was between them. But not anymore; now he knew that there was more, much more.

James knew better now than to think that what he felt for Lily was reasonable. It wasn't supposed to make sense.

He wanted her back – for real.

He was happy. Lily made him happy. He had never felt this before – it was a blissful thrill he associated with his teenager years.

James wasn't an innocent little boy anymore (had he ever been?); he was much older. He had matured… And his feelings for Lily had matured with him.

She was the one with whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life. He would even say that he wanted to marry her – but that had already been taken care of, all those years ago.

So he wanted to continue to be married to her. Buy a house. Get house-elves. Have kids someday. Grow old together.

The idea had always horrified him, but now it didn't seem so terrible. What could be so awful about sharing your entire life with someone else?

Oh, Merlin. James could barely believe he had actually just thought that. Had Lily housebroken him in so little time?

He didn't even know if that was what she wanted! Lily kept saying that she wasn't looking for commitment… Of course, knowing her, he was sure that she was just afraid; but, besides that, what if she really didn't want to be married to him?

Was that possible? Yes, it was. It was likely.

Lily was only twenty-four years old… She probably wanted to enjoy life a bit more before she settled down.

It didn't matter. He would wait for her.

Lily opened her eyes and smiled at him. James smiled back, and encircled her with his free arm. She moved closer to him, and he idly toyed with her hair, not really knowing what to say. He wasn't sure that there was anything to be said.

.................................................

Yahweh, Yahweh, still I'm waiting for the dawn

Take these hands; teach them what to carry

Take these hands; don't make a fist

Take this mouth, so quick to criticise

Take this mouth, give it a kiss (…)

Yahweh, Yahweh, why the dark before the dawn?

U2, "Yahweh"

.................................................

"This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper," the priest recited calmly, lifting the host to the mass attendants.

"Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed," everybody replied obediently.

"The body of Christ."

"Amen."

Julia took a deep breath. It had been long since the last time she had attended mass, and now she felt very guilty. Mrs. Rutilia had given her quite a lecture earlier that morning before leaving to church, but that had been unnecessary. The mere sight of the statue of the Virgin Mary already mortified her.

Strangely enough, Julia liked going to masses. Most people thought they were boring, but listening to the priest's constant cadence soothed her for some reason. So there really was no excuse for her absence – other than the fact that her boyfriend wasn't Catholic, of course.

Mrs. Rutilia had told her many times that it was her mission to bring James to God, so that they could marry properly. But it was hard for Julia to convince him to go to church. For that matter, it was incredibly hard for her to convince him to do anything against his will.

Julia felt a sharp elbow against her arm and lifted her eyes to meet her mother's. It was time for communion, and she was supposed to enter the line to receive the host from the priest.

But Julia didn't feel clean. She had failed God somehow; she knew it from the bottom of her heart.

She shouldn't have let go of James like that; he would not be able to deliberate freely with that woman so close to him. Lily had probably been waiting for an opportunity like that for a while to approach him.

Oh, no… Julia had to go back. If she didn't return now, she would lose him for good. Lily would take advantage of her absence to seduce James even more. Damn!

She slapped herself inwardly for using such language in the house of God. Well, she hadn't said anything out loud, but she'd thought it – and He was certainly listening.

Julia needed to confess. She had to talk to her mother, too; Mrs. Rutilia always had great advice.

What would she say? What would Carla Rutilia do in that situation?

The answer was quite simple. She would not have let it come to this point. Carla would have solved the problem long ago. She would've identified the danger in Lily at once, and eliminated the threat posed by the treacherous false friend.

All of a sudden, Mrs. Rutilia knelt beside her, fervently praying after having received the host. Julia could hardly make out the whispered prayer, but she focused for a few seconds, and was impressed by her zeal.

"The Lord be with you."

The priest's calm, certain voice startled Julia. She hadn't realised that the mass was already over; she had certainly spaced out for much longer than she'd intended.

"May the almighty God bless you, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit."

"Amen," she replied, along with everyone else.

The priest drew a vague cross over the group. "Go in the peace of Christ."

It was a wonder she still remembered how to answer everything… Julia silently promised to herself that she would never again spend this long without attending mass.

She sighed. "Thanks be to God."

.................................................

Every other day, I would call, you would say "Baby, how's your day?"

But today, it ain't the same – every other word is "uh-huh," "yeah, okay…"

Could it be that you are at the crib with another lady? (…)

Just this question – why do you feel you gotta lie?

Getting caught up in your game, when you cannot say my name…

Destiny's Child, "Say my name"

.................................................

"Hello?"

Julia was almost sure that she'd heard a muffled laugh, and a woman's voice – but that could have been just her imagination.

"Hey," James replied. Did he sound tired and breathless or was she really imagining things? Well, it was very early in the morning; he had just woken up, perhaps. In fact, it was even likely that the phone had woken him.

"How's everything?"

"Fine."

"Er… Have you been working much?"

"Yeah, kind of."

"Is everyone okay?"

"Uh-huh."

He was clearly distracted, and unwilling to talk. Julia bit her lip angrily. Was she there with him? Oh, the nerve of James Potter! How could he speak to his girlfriend on the phone when the other woman was right beside him?

"I think Mum will come to my birthday."

"Okay."

"The party will be in your apartment, right?"

"Right."

"What's wrong, James?" she asked irritably. "Why can't you talk properly? Is someone there?"

"No," he answered at once. "It's nothing, I'm just busy."

This time, Julia undoubtedly heard a distant laugh over the phone. She closed her eyes. This was a nightmare, and she had to wake up somehow. James had probably called Lily the minute Julia had left… Well, damn him!

"I have to go."

"All right."

"Bye, James. I love you."

He hesitated for about five seconds before reacting. The cretin hesitated. "Me too."

Julia didn't bother hanging up; she just threw the phone against the wall with all her might, and it broke.

One of the maids warned Mrs. Rutilia, and she came running to the living room, where her only child was curled up on the floor, crying.

Feeling immensely sorry for her baby, Carla sat on the floor and hugged Julia, rocking her until she stopped sobbing.

"What's wrong, darling?"

"It's – James. I called his apartment, Mama, and there was someone else there with him!"

"Doesn't he have a roommate? Perhaps this person wasn't there because of him."

Julia laughed bitterly. "Oh, no, believe me. Lily is after James, not Sirius or anyone else."

"Lily? Lily Evans, your friend?"

"That harpy is not my friend anymore," Julia replied, pouting.

Carla ran her hand through her daughter's hair soothingly. "Perhaps you should have asked James to come here with you."

"We're – going through a bad phase in our relationship. Lily's really trying hard to break us up, and his resolve is waning."

"She is a very attractive woman," Mrs. Rutilia mused. Julia threw her a dirty look, and she half-smiled. "Of course I'm on your side, darling. Tell me something – do you really think fighting for your relationship is worth it?"

"Yes," Julia replied quickly. "Beyond any doubt. We're meant to be, Mama. I've never loved another man like I love him."

Carla sighed. "Well, then you must pray about this, Julia. Pray and ask the Virgin for a solution. Ask the Mother to rekindle the love in his heart, and to give you a way to get rid of that viper."

Julia nodded mutely. She couldn't see a way out, but she trusted her mother, and she trusted God. She was the good girl here; and good always prevailed.

"Remember, darling: all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. This trial is happening for a reason – to strengthen your relationship. You two will come out of this better than you were when you went in."

"I know, Mama."

Carla kissed Julia's forehead, and smiled. "I love you, dear. And James does, too – he will remember that soon."

Julia grinned despite the tears. Everything was going to turn out okay.

.................................................

Friday, November 24th, 1978

.................................................

Quarter moon, always makes me think of you

Are you thinking of me too, when you see it shine?

It's kind of sad, but I'm smiling – imagine that

'Cause we're lucky to have had what we had, even for a time

Didn't we set the nights on fire? Did ever a flame burn any higher?

Wasn't it so sweet, wasn't it? Didn't we love?

Tamara Walker, "Didn't we love?"

.................................................

It was wonderful while it lasted, no doubt about it.

She wasn't the problem; he was.

Of course they could still remain friends, if she so wished.

Sylvie sat on the windowsill and blankly stared at the dark sky. She wouldn't cry; it had been long since she'd shed tears because of men.

But she hadn't managed to harden herself against fate's unpleasant surprises yet. So many tragedies, so many heartbreaks, and still she hadn't reached the point where she didn't care anymore.

At least Sylvie didn't cry. She dealt with the pain and moved on; she already knew all the stages through which she had to go, and expertly sped past them.

So here she was. It had to be some kind of record – she had gone from heartbroken and depressed to indifferent in about two hours, and was now already feeling nostalgic.

Yes, her relationship with Remus had been wonderful. That idyllic romance from the first few days hadn't even worn off, so they had been very happy together.

The break-up speech had come as a surprise to her. He had caught her completely off-guard – all of a sudden, it was over. That simple. No explanations, no begging, no tearful goodbyes… Just an amicable parting of ways.

Why?

Sylvie couldn't possibly have let Remus leave it at that. She had eventually convinced him that it would be easier to come to terms with the whole deal if she knew why he was doing it. Now, a part of her wished she hadn't asked.

A werewolf. He wasn't even a human – he was a beast, just like the one that had killed her sister. A bloodthirsty, ruthless animal… Just like her father, he would be capable of murdering his own children.

Sylvie grimaced. No, she couldn't be with someone like that. She would never look at him the same way again.

It was a stupid prejudice. She knew it made no sense; after all, werewolves were normal human beings most of the time. But that irrational fear was buried deep in her heart; it was impossible to get rid of it now.

Well, at least he hadn't expected her to accept the truth calmly. At that moment, she was far too shocked and hurt to say anything, thankfully. Next time she met Remus, however, she was bound to snap, or say something cutting. So she had to avoid meeting him; it wouldn't be too hard.

Sylvie threw the moon a bitter look, hating the source of all her troubles.

She pitied Remus, in a way. Living with lycanthropy was hard; there was no doubt about it. But Sylvie hated him for giving her false hopes, approaching her and winning over her heart before telling her the truth. He should've told her that he was one of them from the beginning.

Maybe not. If he had done it, she would never have had this short, sweet relationship with him.

Yes, it had been wonderful while it had lasted. He was the problem, not her… Literally. The very essence of his being was the problem.

But she was pretty sure that she never wanted to see Remus again, let alone remain his friend.

.................................................

You're my reason for reason, the step in my groove

And if you say this life ain't good enough, I would give my world to lift you up

I could change my life to better suit your mood, because you're so smooth…

It's just like the ocean under the moon, that's the same emotion that I get from you

You got the kind of loving that could be so smooth

Give me your heart, make it real, or else forget about it…

Santana & Rob Thomas, "Smooth"

.................................................

Lily woke up with the soft brushing of James' lips against hers. She didn't open her eyes, and continued enjoying the gentle kisses down her neck.

"Good afternoon," he muttered with a smile.

Lily looked at him, grinning. "You're spoiling me. I could get used to this, you know."

"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?"

Lily shrugged. They had gone to sleep long after sunrise, and woken up at four PM. She had long since given up trying to maintain a balanced schedule around James.

"Are you hungry?"

Well, now that she thought about it… she hadn't eaten anything since lunch, the day before. Yes, she was famished, actually.

She nodded. James left the bed and picked her up with a mock-resigned sigh.

"James!" Lily giggled. "Let me go!" she complained, not too emphatically.

He turned her a little, and she wrapped her legs around him, encircling his neck with her arms. When they arrived at the kitchen, he put her down on the counter.

James looked at her in a naughty, unmistakeable way. "Are you sure you're hungry?" he asked, brushing her hair off her face with a lazy grin.

Lily smiled. Not taking his eyes off hers, James slowly unbuttoned her shirt – well, it was his, but it looked so much better on her! – and threw it far away from them.

She was really beginning to get used to this. It was utterly senseless, but Lily knew that at the moment there was nothing she wanted more than to continue living with James after the weekend.

He held her tightly, and she bit his lower lip, licking her way to his ear.

"What do you want?" Lily whispered, grinning.

James looked at her, mildly surprised, and shook his head. "Not now," he replied. "It's your turn."

Lily smirked. Okay, so maybe wanting to be with James wasn't that senseless.

.................................................

It's a secret that no one tells – one day is heaven, one day, it's hell

It's no fairy tale, take it from me! That's the way it's supposed to be…

You will fly and you will crawl – God knows even angels fall (…)

You laugh, you cry, no one knows why, but oh, the thrill of it all

You're on the ride; you might as well open your eyes…

Jessica Riddle, "Even angels fall"

.................................................

"Lily?"

She was absorbed examining a parchment against the light coming from the tip of her wand. It appeared to be impossibly coded. "Yes?"

"Is it all right if I go out with the guys tonight? Sirius has written me a letter complaining that I haven't talked to them in days – and I realised he's right. I don't even know where he's staying while you're here. Do you mind?"

"No, not at all. I might go home and spend some time with the girls, too… go out with them or whatever."

"You can call them here, if you like," he suggested, going to his bedroom.

"All right."

James returned to a few minutes later. Lily had just sent Myrie away to Leylann's, and had resumed working on the undecipherable parchment.

"Lil… Just don't bring any blokes here, please."

Lily was offended by his remark, but quickly realised that she had no right to be. She had made him believe that she was a slut; he was treating her as such.

Man, it hurt. Lily didn't want him to think that of her. She would never cheat on him with any other guys. But, of course, he had no way of knowing that he was different from all the others.

"Right, because I'm that much of a slut," she snapped. "Don't worry, James. I won't bring any guys to your apartment."

"I'm just saying!" James replied defensively. "I wouldn't like to come home and find another guy sleeping–" he hesitated.

"Go on," she dared. "Continue."

"Sleeping with my wife on my bed."

Lily laughed bitterly. If she weren't so annoyed, she would have even appreciated the craziness of the situation. But she had been working in an impossible problem for ages, she hadn't been getting much sleep lately, and James was leaving her all alone in the apartment for the rest of the night. So her day wasn't really improving.

"I see. You definitely don't have to worry about protecting your marriage. You can even bring a girl home with you if you want – I won't be here when you return."

"Merlin, Lily, stop being so childish!"

"I'm going out with the girls; I'll sleep at home! I'll be fine!"

"Why will you sleep on the couch, if you can sleep here?"

Lily shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe you'll want to bring someone over, and your wife's presence in the house annoys you."

"I'm not bringing anyone!"

"Well, since I'm a slut and you're a man-whore,we get along marvellously well – but not when it comes to seeing other people."

"Damn straight. I don't want you seeing any other guys," he retorted, clenching his fists. It was true. This wasn't the time to say it, and he was expressing himself in the worst way possible, but it was the complete truth. He didn't want Lily to be with anyone else – and he needed her to know that.

She glowered. "I won't. Not in here, like you said. I'll make sure to take him to the elevator hall, just in case."

James ran his fingers through his hair, clearly furious. "Whatever, Lily."

.................................................

If I had known the pain I'd make you feel

I would've stopped this thought of us, and turned upon my heel

Go, you should leave me – time will make it be all right (…)

Believe me when I tell you, I would love to love you like you do me

But there's a pillar in my way, you see…

The Corrs, "Love to love you"

.................................................

The doorbell rang, and James left to the answer it. Lily stayed in his room, seething. Why had she said those things? She was being an inconsequential, immature brat – but James had that effect on her sometimes.

Lily went to the living room, and got there just in time to see James glaring at a very confused Charles Friedrich. She rolled her eyes.

Oh, Merlin, she groaned inwardly. He's jealous of Charles?

James knew perfectly well that the guy was in love with Valerie. But when they were in the middle of a fight, he never considered the facts before overreacting. That was just the way he was.

James gestured for Charles to enter, and threw Lily an irritated look before Disapparating. He would probably forget about this later on; as usual, they would only remember their anger, and not its cause.

"Valerie told me she was coming here," Charles said earnestly. "Do you know when?"

"She should be here any minute now."

They sat on the couches, and Lily examined him curiously.

"You've heard of what happened with Bernard, I presume."

Charles grimaced. It was easy to see that he felt guilty. "Yes. I got home from an undercover mission this afternoon and then I found out… I oversaw his obliviation, made sure he wouldn't remember a thing about her, and then I wrote her."

"She's better now."

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"Wednesday night. But I called Valerie a few times since then… Leylann's helping her. She's a Healer; she has experience with all sorts of traumas."

"What should I do, Lily?" he asked, burying his head on his hands. "It was my fault. If I hadn't come to her –"

"No, Charles, it's not your fault. And it's not Val's fault for telling him everything, either. Bernard is a coward, and it was awful of him to hit Valerie. Period."

"She must blame me…"

"No, of course not. She's already accepted that he's a pathetic, screwed up guy who doesn't deserve her."

Charles sighed. "Good. Merlin, I was so scared! I just started thinking – I could have lost her. He could have raped her or whatever. I – I can't risk it, Lily."

"Then why don't you stay with her?"

He grinned sadly. "Everyone asks me that. It's so obvious, isn't it? But she wants me to marry her, and I can't. Do you remember what happened to Aline?"

Lily shook her head. Of course she knew what had happened. Charles loved telling that story… And, by the looks of it, he wanted to tell it again now. "No, I wasn't in France when that happened, but I've heard of her. You two were married for how long?"

"Fifteen years, almost sixteen. And then, all of a sudden, she takes off with the kids… We weren't even going through a bad phase or anything! She just decided that she wanted to see the world, and have fun. I discovered later that she'd found someone younger. She broke my heart – she ruined my life. I loved her so much…"

"Valerie would never do that," Lily said softly.

"I didn't think Aline would, either. I thought I knew her. But she did, and I swore to myself that I wouldn't marry again. I can't, Lily…"

"What does Nicholas think?"

Charles snorted. "What would you think if your mother suddenly got bored of you and sent you to live with your father, a man you hadn't seen in years? We're only beginning to get along. He likes Valerie and all, but he doesn't want me to remarry any time soon."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"No. But he's almost her age, for goodness' sake! Of course it's an uncomfortable situation. I can't marry her – and she should understand that."

"Do you love Valerie?"

"Of course I do. More than anything."

"Then you should try to understand her side of the story, too. She's young, Charles. She's always dreamt of getting married – white dress, flowers, Wedding March, the whole deal. It's hard for her to give up on that, even though she loves you. It's difficult to devote yourself to a relationship that has no future."

"But we can have a future! We can stay together! I just don't want to marry her! Why is that so hard to understand?"

Lily didn't know. She understood both sides of the situation, and it was evident that one of the two would have to compromise. But Charles wouldn't change his mind any time soon…

Would Valerie be willing to put aside her dreams and be happy with him?

.................................................

Mesmo querendo, eu não vou me enganar

Eu conheço os seus passos, eu vejo os seus erros

Não há nada de novo; ainda somos iguais

Então não me chame, não olhe pra trás

Você diz não saber o que houve de errado

E o meu erro foi crer que estar ao seu lado bastaria...

Paralamas do Sucesso, "Meu erro"

.................................................

All of a sudden, the two girls Apparated right between Lily and Charles. Valerie had her dark brown hair up in a ponytail, and she was wearing one of Lily's robes. Obviously, Leylann hadn't let the girl go home to get some of her own.

"Leylann," Lily said, standing, "have you met Charles?"

"Yes – Gideon's party, remember?"

"Right."

Leylann smiled. "It's nice to see you again."

"Likewise."

Valerie gazed into Charles' eyes; their warmth comforted and reassured her. Oh, she was glad he'd come. She needed him right now – she needed to feel loved.

"They told you what happened, right?" Valerie asked, sitting beside him.

"Yes."

"Did they get a hold of him?"

"Yeah, I was in charge of the obliviation. Everything went well; are you sure you don't want to have your memory wiped as well?"

"I don't think the best way of dealing with issues is to get rid of them, Charles. It's not the end of the world; many women go through this on a daily basis."

"I see. Let me stay with you, Valerie," he asked earnestly, squeezing her hand. "Please. I'd never do something like that."

"I know that. But nothing's changed, has it? You still think the same way."

"Yes, but –"

Val sighed. "We have nothing else to say to each other, Charles… Let's not go there again."

"Valerie, I love you. Please…"

"That's not enough," she replied sadly. "I need more than pretty words. I want a home, Charles. Commitment. Maybe kids, one day. I have to have some kind of future to which I can look forward. I can't handle this now."

He ignored her words and kissed her, taking her by surprise. After a few seconds of shock and indecision, she backed off, furious.

"I – can't, Charles. Not now, don't do this, please. Not when I'm vulnerable, not when you know you can play me effortlessly. It's just cruel."

He shook his head, disappointed.

"I've made my choice. And, regardless of what Bernard did, I'll stand by it."

Admitting defeat, Charles stood, and said goodbye to the girls. He Disapparated; Valerie didn't look back.

Lily was torn between pity and admiration for her friend. Part of her wished that she were capable of turning down her own addiction – namely, James Potter – just like that. But another part reminded her that Valerie was missing out on a lot by rejecting a man whom she loved.

"Well," Valerie said pensively, "that wasn't too bad."

Leylann took a deep breath. Someone had to make her talk – it wouldn't be hard. "Why were you so angry, Val? He –"

"Charles is trying to toy with my emotions again!" she snapped, frowning. "I can't let him get to me!"

"His situation is very complicated, Valerie. Have you stopped to think that maybe he really does love you? He just can't marry you, sweetie. Maybe it's worth it."

"Oh yeah, this coming from you is almost a joke, Lily. I know he loves me! I know he can't – or won't – marry me! And I can't live with that – I don't want to spend the rest of my life without giving love one more chance. The perfect guy for me is still out there, somewhere… I'm sorry, but not all of us have had the fortune to meet our soul mates at the age of eleven, and get married to him before graduating!"

Lily was silent. That was typical of Valerie; she was always dreaming of some ideal guy, and complaining about the pretty nice one she had at the moment…

Well, Lily was a bit like that, too. But she would never let go of her husband to chase some guy who, for instance, would never break her heart. She had already tried that, and it hadn't worked.

But things would be different for Valerie, hopefully.

.................................................

Saturday, November 25th, 1978

.................................................

For once in my life, I have someone who needs me

Someone I've needed for so long

For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me

And somehow I know I'll be strong

For once, I can touch what my heart used to dream of…

Stevie Wonder, "For once in my life"

.................................................

The girls had left a few hours ago, but Lily hadn't slept. James hadn't arrived yet, and she couldn't help but trying to imagine where he was, what he was doing, and with whom.

It was silly to obsess over this, she kept telling herself. He had just gone out with his three best friends, after all. James already had a wife and a girlfriend – she should admire his vigour if he managed to maintain any other affairs.

Lily rolled her eyes. Yeah, right. Why did she bother pretending she didn't care when she was obviously anxious?

She heard the noise of the keys on the door, and felt relieved, preparing herself for one of those tiresome but necessary conversations. James had an excellent resistance to alcohol; Lily had seen him seriously drunk very few times.

Her guess was entirely mistaken. It took James a while to fit the keys into the hole, but he eventually wobbled in, obviously wasted.

"I shishn't shrust myshelf shoo Apparaysh," he announced with a goofy grin. "'Ellooo!"

James was having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other, and Lily chuckled, hurrying to help him.

He gave her a wet, sloppy kiss, and she grimaced. "You're slobbering."

"Shrunk," he shrugged.

"That's no excuse," she replied. Except that it totally was. Oh, Merlin… He was far too sloshed to cast a Sobering Charm on himself – and the spell didn't work unless the drunkard himself cast it.

The idiot who had invented such a complex Sobering Charm – full of Ts, Ds and Ls – had obviously never drunk a drop of alcohol.

"I'm sho shorry for whaz I shaid, love…"

"No problem; we'll talk about that some other time. Come on," Lily said with a sigh, pulling him towards the room. "You need to get some sleep."

He would have undressed a lot faster if his fingers didn't keep missing the buttons. By the time he was done, Lily had already arranged the blankets and dimmed the lights.

James obediently lied down, and patted the space beside him. "Shtay," he asked, looking at her with an expectant smile.

Lily could never resist that puppy-dog look – and James was always so adorable when he was drunk!

He pinched her backside, winking, and she grinned. "You have to sleep!"

"Later," James said, tickling her without mercy.

After a while, she managed to hold his hands and stop him. James knew she was awfully ticklish, and took advantage of that as often as he could.

He lowered the strap of her dress, and his hand leisurely went up her thigh. Lily shifted uncomfortably. "You need sleep…"

"I want –"

"Not tonight," she replied seriously, tenderly kissing his forehead. "Tomorrow."

He accepted the rejection with a smile. James would not have given up this easily if he were sober… But he knew he wasn't thinking straight at the moment, and he trusted Lily to make decisions.

"I love you, sheesh you know zat?" he mumbled, kissing her shoulder and resting his head on her chest. "I love you sho much…"

Lily froze.

A few minutes later, James was fast asleep. She had barely breathed.

He was drunk, anddefinitely not in his right mind. He would never have said such a thing if he were sober. Never.

Because he didn't mean it. He couldn't mean it. Well, of course he could. But he didn't. Did he?

Did it even matter? Why did she have to worry about putting a label on what they had together?

Well, if James thought they were in love… It had always been easier for him to accept these things than her. She had always been more afraid of facing her feelings than him.

James loved taking risks. He loved loving. He loved feeling stupid and foolish, and being able to return a girl's feelings for him with inexhaustible passion. Like Lily, he feared the aftermath; but that probably wouldn't be enough to prevent him from feeling.

Lily, on the other hand,hated loving. She hated losing control of her life, feeling vulnerable and irrational. But if she were in love with James, none of that would matter. She would be swept away despite her fears and insecurity.

Lily loved loving James.

.................................................

I'll do anything – make it stop, please!

I've got the worst hangover ever

I'm crawling to the bathroom again

It hurts so bad that I'm never gonna drink again

I'll probably never drink again; I may not even drink again

At least not till next weekend…

Offspring, "Worst hangover ever"

.................................................

"Bad, bad, bad hangover!" was the first thing James said when he woke up, even before opening his eyes.

Someone touched his forehead tenderly; the contact of ice-cold fingers was a momentary release from the throbbing, sickening dizziness. He started trying to think, but it hurt. Bad idea.

"Aah. How much did I drink?" he managed to utter.

"I wasn't there, remember?" said a familiar voice. No, he didn't remember. He was having a hard time remembering his name right now, let alone the previous night's events. Whose voice was that again? Oh! Lily! Lily was here. Why was Lily here? "Come on, sweetie. Drink this."

James didn't want to swallow anything. Thinking of it made him nauseous. He shook his head slightly – actually, he just considered doing it. And the pain worsened. No, thinking was definitely not an option.

"Please."

"I don't want to!"

Even the sound of his voice made him want to scream. Naturally, he knew that the pain would be absolutely unbearable if he did so. Speaking was also a bad idea.

"It will make you feel better."

James resigned himself to the fact that he would have to endure listening to his voice one more time. "No."

He shuddered. Make it stop…

Lily sighed. "I don't know what you did yesterday, James, but I have to admit I'm curious. I've never seen you this bad before."

"Please – please, love – ssh," he begged in a desperate whisper, making frantic, rickety gestures. "Please…"

Lily was still for a while. It was useless to ask that of her, James knew; he felt awful even without any movement, noise or light. Merlin, he was most certainly never going to drink again. Ever.

She gently opened his mouth a little, and poured some liquid inside. James could probably figure out what it was if he stopped to think about it – but he knew better than that now. Lily then pressed his neck in some specific place, forcing him to swallow.

He would have grimaced. But it hurt to do that, too.

All of a sudden, the pain lessened a bit. His stomach didn't seem like it was going to implode anymore, and he didn't feel that extreme needto getrid of his eyes and ears just to prevent sound and light from reaching him.

It took him quite a while to connect this improvement to the potion his wife was once more trickling down his throat. She had rested his head on her chest now, and was gently wiping the cold sweat off his forehead.

"Thank you," he whispered hoarsely.

She smiled a little, but James didn't see that. He just made the enormous effort of opening his mouth wider and swallowing the life-giving concoction faster.

Oh, Merlin. He felt good.

.................................................

Si Dieu ne t'avait modélé, il m'aurait fallu te créer

Pour donner à ma vie sa raison d'exister

Toi qui es ma joie et mon tourment, tantôt femme et tantôt enfant

Tu offres à mon coeur chaque jour tous les visages de l'amour (...)

Viens, fais de moi ce que tu veux: un homme heureux ou malheureux

Un mot de toi, je suis poussière, ou je suis Dieu...

Charles Aznavour, "Tous les visages de l'amour"

.................................................

James hadn't thought it would be possible for that to happen any time soon. Ten seconds ago, even death would have been a welcome relief. But now he didn't feel sick or dizzy anymore. He still had a minor headache, but that would fade with time.

James wanted to say something to Lily, but she put a finger to his lips, and reached for another potion on the nightstand. This one, he imbibed willingly, with astonishing speed. He couldn't wait to get back to full form.

Clarity suddenly returned to his mind. He sat up, opened his eyes, and began understanding what was happening.

"Feeling better?"

James turned to look at Lily. She was beaming at him with delicate tenderness – she hadn't looked at him like that in a long time. He smiled.

"Wonderful. Thank you."

"What happened last night?"

"You tell me. The details are still fuzzy."

"Well, you told me you were going to meet Sirius, Remus and Peter –"

James grimaced. He had just remembered under what circumstances he had left the apartment.

"Listen, I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have said all that, and I'm sorry."

"No, no. I overreacted. I realise my behaviour justifies your concerns."

"I know you better than that. Your behaviour doesn't necessarily reflect what you really feel, and who you are. I was angry, I was jealous – you know how possessive I can be sometimes."

She nodded.

"I just… don't want to lose you again. Ever," he confessed, caressing her cheek with an affectionate smile.

Lily suddenly remembered what he'd told her last night. I love you. How could three simple words have disturbed her so much?

Well, she had decided not to think about them… Not unless he said it again – sober, this time.

"Thanks for taking care of me. I would have suffered for much, much longer if you weren't here."

"What did you drink?" Lily asked curiously.

He shrugged. "It takes a lot more alcohol to get me tipsy than it does any of the others. So Sirius usually pours some kind of… alternative potion in my drink, unbeknownst to me, of course. When I notice what happened, I'm far too wasted to care. But he always promises he'll never do it again."

Her mouth hung open; she'd thought that none of Sirius' prankscould surprise her again. Clearly, he still had a trick or two up his sleeve. "That's illegal."

"And since when has he cared about that? It's not like I'll denounce him or anything."

"True."

"The effects of that potion are terrible, though."

"I can see that. Why didn't Remus stop him?"

"Oh, Moony was depressed. He broke up with Sylvie the day before yesterday, I think… He's really down."

"Poor thing! Why did he do it?"

"He told me last night, but I don't really remember… She has something against werewolves, if I'm not mistaken."

"I see. What about Peter?"

"Oh, he was drunk before any of us got there."

"Right."

"Anyway, I'm going to talk to Sirius later on – but of course he'll just laugh and say the same thing he always does."

"Why didn't he at least come home with you? You were in a pretty bad state."

James shrugged. "Remus brought me here, I guess. Sirius left earlier on, with some girl he picked up at the bar."

"Just for a change."

"Exactly. So, what are we doing today? No more nights out with Marauders for me."

Lily smiled. "We need to go shopping. Your refrigerator is almost empty."

He made a face. "I don't like shopping."

"I know that. But I'm going with you; it won't be that bad."

James cocked his head to the side, and his eyes glazed over. He was clearly trying to remember something. "I seem to recall some kind of promise regarding today…"

Lily laughed. Of course he would remember that. It was probably the only part of the evening he wouldn't forget under any circumstances.

"After we come home," she said, grinning. "That way, you can look forward to that and not complain much about the shopping."

"Oh, but on the contrary. Actually, let's just do it before and after shopping, just so I won't get too impatient."

Lily acquiesced. She had once heard that married life was all about compromises and companionship.

Why wouldn't she want to continue to be married to him? It was definitely an awesome lifestyle.

.................................................

Even without clucking like a hen, everyone gets noticed now and then

Unless, of course, that personage should be invisible, inconsequential me (…)

A human's made of more than air; with all the bulk, you're bound to see him there

Unless that human being is unimpressive, undistinguished you-know-who

Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane, should have been my name, 'cause you can

Look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there…

John C. Reilly, "Mr. Cellophane"

.................................................

"Listen, Pettigrew," Pamela Avery said irritably, "you're running out of time. The Dark Lord has his ways of knowing when one's loyalty is wavering – and you're walking a very thin line right now. Both Dumbledore and he know that you're too much of a coward to betray either side completely… But you have to make your choice."

"I – I have, Pamela," Peter stammered, looking around with suspicion. The bar was full of people; how could she know that they wouldn't be overheard? "I'm working for the Dark Lord. I will pass on information to him."

She snorted. "We want the real information, Pettigrew. Not what that old fool allows you to tell us."

"I tell you everything!" he exclaimed, fearful. How did they know that Dumbledore gave him information? Oh, the Dark Lord just knew those things – one never asked how. It didn't matter anyway. "Dumbledore has no idea –"

Pamela waved dismissively, rolling her eyes. Her ice-blue eyes were opaque; she was clearly bored. She wished she didn't have to deal with despicable, weak traitors like Pettigrew, but it was necessary for anyone who wanted to become somebody among the Death Eaters, and come closer to Voldemort's inner circle.

Her brother was part of it… And if he – an incompetent, clumsy fellow – could get that far, then she most certainly could. All she needed was some great information from one of the many people she was currently recruiting or blackmailing, leading to a beautifully effective killing. Lord Voldemort would then promote her instantly.

Pamela had been working with Pettigrew for many years now. She had realised that he was the weak link in Dumbledore's chain soon after he and his friends had graduated from Hogwarts… And then she'd begun the painstaking process of winning his trust.

She regretted that awful waste of time now. Pettigrew had only agreed to betray the Order after a persuasive display of strength – about one minute of Cruciatus had accomplished what six years of tête-à-tête had not.

"There's an Order meeting tomorrow – everyone will be there. I'll tell you all about it, I swear!"

She nodded. In truth, it was like Pettigrew had been searching for an excuse to do the wrong thing all along. He adored, envied and hated his friends at the same time. It was probably a relief for him to side with Lord Voldemort, who would give him an escape for all that bottled abhorrence. Peter was finally accomplishing something – something Potter, Black and Lupin were incapable of doing.

From what she'd heard, those three were almost incorruptible. Sirius Black had decided to fight the Dark side a long time ago – Pamela had recruited hisyounger brother Regulus, so she knew his story well. Remus Lupin was a werewolf; he could be a valuable (though belittled) addition to their ranks, but, unfortunately, he was an extraordinarily tame, meek human. Lord Voldemort had no use for a wolf like him. And James Potter… Well, he was very dedicated to Dumbledore, and to his work. But he could join the Death Eaters someday, maybe, if they tempted his ambition and thirst for knowledge.

Pettigrew, on the other hand, was driven by fear, and a strangely powerful desire to please and follow. He appreciated living in the shadow of others, but hated himself for it. Pettigrew was a strange man, but in no way fascinating. Pamela considered him despicable and repulsive. Nevertheless, he served a purpose – didn't everyone?

Despite all that she had done to him, he still looked at Pamela with adoration. She was his superior; she had made sure to make that very clear. He followed, loved and hated her, too.

Pamela was mystery and ice to him, just like Lily was fire and passion. Not that James' oh-so-perfect wife had ever given him the time of the day, naturally.

Oh, in his dreams, she had often looked at him in the same way she looked at James – or even at Sirius. But in reality, Peter knew that she would never do such a thing.

No one would ever pay attention to him; he was simply unremarkable, insignificant, contemptible, unreliable Peter. He would never be great; he would never be noticed. Or so they all thought.

Peter Pettigrew would prove everyone wrong.

.................................................

So good on paper, so romantic, so bewildering

I know nothing stays the same

But if you're willing to play the game, it's coming around again

So don't mind if I fall apart; there's more room in a broken heart

It's coming around again…

Carly Simon, "Coming Around Again"

.................................................

"How many Death Eaters are watching the back entry to the camp, in your opinion?"

James sat up to look at the scenario on which Lily was working. In so doing, he moved the blankets, and caused several parchments to fall on the floor.

Before she said anything, he hurried to get everything. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," James said, throwing everything on the bed.

Lily shrugged. "Most of those were yours anyway. But you're bugging me now - stop tossing things so carelessly… You're going to spill my ink! James!"

He glanced at the dark blue ink spot on his blanket, and frowned. It was spreading quite fast; before they knew it, Lily's bare thigh was also getting stained.

"Oh, great," she moaned, reaching for her wand.

James Scourgified the ink before she could cast any spells. "I'm sorry, honey," he repeated, kissing her forehead. "What was it that you wanted me to see?"

Lily's anger faded instantly, and she smiled. "If you were Voldemort, how many Death Eaters would you set to watch the back entry to this camp?"

James stared at the parchment for a few moments. "None," he replied at last. "None at all. Unwelcome visitors would be received with open doors to an easy path free of interruptions. When they let their guard down, probably somewhere around here," he pointed at a specific place on the map, not too far from the entrance, "I would tell my men to attack."

"I thought so too. But it seems a bit too risky, beyond his usual standard. The place is perfect for that, though."

"I think he's learning from his past mistakes. Who requested that scenario? It's lovely, quite complex."

"Gideon. He received intel that they're going to use it for holding hostages – but no one's been captured so far, I think."

"It might not be much longer."

"I wonder who's next," Lily said with a heavy sigh. "It could be anyone, really."

James sat beside her and lightly stroked her blue thigh. "He's – getting stronger… It seems impossible to undermine him, despite our best efforts."

"Hey," she nudged him softly. "We can't despair. There's always hope. And we can always prevent him from getting much stronger; that's some consolation."

"I know," James agreed, rubbing her arm as if to warm her. "Do you think we'll ever get to stop him? For good, I mean?"

Lily shrugged. No one liked to be overly pessimistic these days, but… it did seem unthinkable to defeat the ostensibly all-powerful Dark Lord.

"I really don't know. But if anyone can succeed, it's Dumbledore – and we're doing all we can to help him."

"True. Sometimes, though, I wish he would just get his wand and challenge Voldemort to a duel."

"Who knows who would win? Voldemort is a great sorcerer. And we need Dumbledore."

"He would win."

"Voldemort uses dark magic."

"Albus uses ancient magic."

"Good point."

.................................................

I want to believe in a freedom that's bold

But all I remember is the freedom of old (…)

As darkness falls, I return to my bed

Don't ask me more questions; don't fuck with my head

I've been down in this world, down and almost broken

Like thousands of people, left standing in their shoe…

Flogging Molly, "Black Friday Rule"

.................................................

Sometimes, Peter felt a bit guilty. But he wasn't really betraying his friends, after all. It wasn't like they were going to get killed by Voldemort or anything… The Dark Lord knew that he would lose Peter's allegiance if he murdered any of the Marauders.

Peter was only going to prove to everyone what he already knew, deep inside: they would never see him coming, but he was capable of outsmarting them all.

Dumbledore was far too worried about his values and ideas to have any real power; Voldemort obsessed excessively over getting people to fear and worship him. Peter would slowly play one against the other, like he had been doing for the past few years, and eventually bring about their downfall.

Well, maybe his two masters were aware of his plan to some degree. But they, like everyone else, underestimated the potential of Peter Pettigrew.

It was exciting. This was his one chance to become a hero – a man everyone would look up to, even James and Sirius.

Oh, he could already see it! He would be universally considered a hero: Order of Merlin, First Class. How noble of him, they would say, to sacrifice several years of his life to the defeat of Voldemort and Dumbledore, two tyrants oppressing the wizarding world!

He'd come up with this master plan in the bitter hours after his initiation as a Death Eater. Alone and terrified, Wormtail had taken a long time to recover from the shock of torturing and killing a human being.

Neither Albus nor Voldemort knew what was in store for them. The first had accepted him into the Order out of pity and respect for the Marauders' friendship. The latter had simply instructed one of his lower-level Death Eaters to torture one of Dumbledore's pets for information.

What an unpleasant surprise that had been. There had been a time, Peter remembered well, when he had loved Pamela Avery. It was almost unthinkable for a woman so gorgeous to devote such attention to a man like him. But they had met a few years ago, one cold Christmas morning, and had instantly connected. Well, she'd listened – no one had ever really listened to him before. In time, Pamela became his friend, his confidante, someone whom he trusted completely. At some point, he had fallen head over heels in love with her.

Peter now understood her ill-disguised irritation after noticing the consequences of his lovesickness. He couldn't care less about her insinuations concerning the Dark side, not anymore. Her soft probing of his opinions and potential had been accomplished without difficulty, but it was hard to make him think or act coherently.

That was when she had made a harsh decision. The searing pain caused by the Cruciatus Curse had forced him to face reality. Pamela wasn't interested in him; she was just recruiting potential Death Eaters. And she wouldn't hesitate before killing him if he refused.

Naturally, he had accepted to become a servant of the Dark Lord. Peter didn't intend to die any time soon.

"This is your last chance, Pettigrew," Pamela hissed. Ever since his initiation, she always called him by his last name. No more intimacy; not even the slightest hint that they'd ever been friends. "Be careful. You know what we're capable of, don't you?"

He just nodded. There was no denying that, despite all his plans and mental boasting, he was very scared of Lord Voldemort and his minions.

There was no denying that, if he were forced to make a choice, Peter knew where his true loyalties would lie.

.................................................

Just when I thought I was safe, you found me in my hiding place

I'd promised never again, I wouldn't give my heart, but then

Closer, closer, I moved near you – the way I want you makes me fear you (…)

I find it hard to explain; it's crazy, but it's happening

And I'm falling again, much further than I've ever been…

The Corrs, "Love gives love takes"

.................................................

The past few days hadn't been flawless, but they had been perfect. To anyone else that would be a paradox, but not to Lily. She knew her interaction with James would always be a little bumpy, and they would always clash occasionally. They would never have an idyllic life of lovey-dovey romance – it just wasn't their style.

All of a sudden, James started moving, and tried to fluff his "pillow". Lily grinned, and tried her best to respond to his movements with the necessary flexibility in order to prevent him from waking.

Satisfied, he stopped, and was soon sleeping deeply again.

It was hard to believe that Lily was really concerned about all those little things regarding James. Her toothbrush was on his bathroom sink. They had cooked all meals together. They had been working in bed all weekend, with predictably frequent pauses. Lily had even fixed the buttons on his robes, for goodness' sake! They had definitely been spending a lot of time together… And she liked it.

Why? Why would she enjoy spending time with a guy who aggravated her that much? Sure, the sex was great, but this day-to-day life was something she really didn't need to experience. After all, her relationship with James was merely physical, right?

No. No, it wasn't, of course not. They were way past that now – it was useless to deny it.

And Lily liked the bloody routine. She enjoyed arguing with James about cleaning up, about who was going to cook what for dinner. She liked working with him in bed, and being around when he had those crazy fuck-the-world-let's-run-away fits. Lily needed that part of him, too. She wasn't just after his body… She wanted the whole deal. And that included his heart.

.................................................

I never felt this way

How do you give me so much pleasure

And cause me so much pain?

Just when I think I've taken more than would a fool

I start falling back in love with you…

Alicia Keys, "Fallin"

.................................................

Yes, she wanted to be loved. She wanted James to love her, and only her. Thinking of Julia made her stomach jolt unpleasantly. No, James couldn't go back to his girlfriend. He and Lily belonged together; she didn't doubt that anymore.

She had resisted, but it had been futile. James already had immense power over her. He had managed to return to her heart, despite her best efforts.

Could he break her heart again? Lily grimaced inwardly. Yes, he could. Easily.

Was she afraid of losing him? Ah, definitely.

"Oh, no," she muttered, biting her lip.

James' eyes snapped open and he lifted his head from her chest. "Is something wrong?" he asked drowsily.

"No, honey," she replied, lightly running her hand through his hair until he fell asleep again.

What was this thing that they had together, then? Was it love?

Lily still doubted it. Love seemed to be something huge, important and overwhelming, something that was definitely beyond them. But, at the same time, love was just a small part of their relationship – what they had was so much more than justsappy romance…

Merlin, she was going insane.

Was this love or not?

Lily hated James sometimes, she really did. She would wish thatshe could kill him. And then, one second later, they would be laughing together… He confused her sometimes, and constantly made her keep her impulses and reflexes in check. But that was just a part of them, an idiosyncrasy of their peculiar relationship.

Lily had given up worrying about those momentary uncertainties a long time ago. They never lasted long anyway.

The bottom line was that she knew she wanted to be with him, despite all his flaws. They were a part of him, and she had learned to accept them. Would it still annoy her a little if he were jealous whenever she talked to another guy? Yes, of course. But, in time, he would trust her more. James also put up with a lot, tolerating her temper and all.

Whatever it was that they shared… Lily wanted to continue sharing it. She didn't want this to end – and she knew that another break-up with James would nearly kill her, again.

Yes… She'd let him in too far.

.................................................

Said there'd be no going back, promised myself I'd never be that sad (…)

Just wish I had a crystal ball to show me if it's worth it all

'Cause I can feel it, baby, I feel like I'm falling for you

But I'm scared to let go; I'm scared, 'cause my heart has been hurt so

And I've got to be sure, 'cause it's been so long

And I cannot take the pain again if it all goes wrong…

Jem, "Falling for you"

.................................................

It was hard for Lily to identify what exactly they had together. It felt different from what they'd had back at Hogwarts… But then again, they had both changed quite a bit since then.

Had James done it all on purpose? She could see it clearly now – constantly angering her had been the fastest way to do away with her little façade of aloofness, the mask she'd learned to wear for the past years.

In just two months, James had turned her life upside down. He'd destroyed everything for which she'd worked for six years. And she'd liked it, and she'd been thankful.

James wasn't only her best friend and lover. He was now as necessary to her as the very air she breathed. Spending too much time without him made her feel cranky, and snappy… And seeing him always brightened up her day.

James was the first thought on her mind in the morning, and her last one before falling asleep. Of course, being around him all day was an excellent excuse for that fact. But Lily knew that nothing could justify the way she always hoped to see his hazel eyes looking into hers the moment she woke up, and the way she dwelled on the memory of his lazy, roguish smile every night…

Whenever they were together, a strange giddiness threatened to overwhelm her. The three days she'd spent in his apartment were, beyond any doubt, the most blissful and, well, happy time she'd had in years.

She wanted to continue living this way. She wanted to be able to spend the night with him whenever she wanted, and not worrying about being caught.

Lily loved to lie with him, just feeling the familiar protection and warmth of his embrace… She loved the way he ran his fingers through her hair, how softly he always kissed her goodnight, his smile, his laugh, that naughty sparkle in his eyes, the way he looked at her, making her feel unique and needed… She loved the way he knew her better than anyone, and could always push her buttons properly, improving her mood with the strangest methods… Oh, she could go on with the list forever, she loved just about everything about him…

Oh, no. Merlin…

Lily had tried to prevent it from happening, but that was useless. She knew it, she was sure of it, she couldn't possibly go on trying to deny it. Everyone had seen this coming – everyone but her.

Lily loved James.

.................................................

Opened my eyes today, and I knew there was something different

I saw you in a brand new way, like the clouds had somehow lifted

And if yesterday I heard myself saying these words, I'd swear it was a lie

I don't know why, but suddenly I'm falling…

Was I so blind? I was loving you all the time

And now I'm hopelessly addicted, helplessly attracted…

The Corrs, "Hopelessly Addicted"

.................................................

19. Accidentally in Love

.................................................

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 19

"Accidentally in love"

.................................................

Sunday, November 26th, 1978

.................................................

Take my love; I'll never ask for too much

Just all that you are and everything that you do

I don't really need to look very much further

I don't wanna have to go where you don't follow (…)

I have nothing, nothing, nothing if I don't have you…

Whitney Houston, "I have nothing"

.................................................

"Good morning."

Lily heard James' distant greeting and came up for air, smiling at him. "Good morning."

She loved her husband's apartment. One of her favourite features was the big bathtub, in which she still hadn't had the opportunity to stay for long. But this morning, Lily had woken up determined to try it out, and she loved it. Oh, of course James didn't have all the proper scented foams and bath salts, but she would fix that in no time.

His bathroom was decorated in a rather simple fashion, much to his liking. Some things had changed in the past week; there were two big towels instead of one, two toothbrushes by the sink, and a few cosmetics here and there. Lily had quickly banished what little items Julia had left behind to the back of the cupboard.

Lily Potter's influence was already evident in different parts of the house. She had greatly reorganised the kitchen, and rearranged the living room furniture. Sirius had considered complaining – it was his apartment too, after all –, but he liked the modifications in the end. Slowly, all the Marauders were beginning to remember what it felt like to have LilyandJames as part of their gang.

James, on the other hand, was having a blast. The perks of living with Lily were rather evident, and greatly outweighed occasional frictions. Why should arguments worry him? The couple would always quarrel anyway. But to wake up in the morning and find Lily having a bath… that was worth anything.

James sat on the edge of the tub, and absent-mindedly rearranged the bubbles. "Can I join you?"

She moved a little, scooting so that he could enter. James took off his boxers and slid underneath her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Lily leaned her head on his chest.

"I'm not used to waking up alone anymore," he said with a smile. "You could have called me."

" 7Hhopefully, I was well replaced by the pancakes," Lily replied. "I didn't want to wake you up, but I would have had to if you had continued sleeping for much longer. I wouldn't want us to be late for the meeting."

"It starts at four, doesn't it?"

"Yes, but I was thinking of stopping by Hogsmeade before that… I haven't been there in a while. What do you think?"

"That's fine. We can leave right after lunch – and I'm cooking this time."

"Oh no!" Lily exclaimed with feigned horror. James had only cooked for her once before – and she had distracted him from the fire, so the meal hadn't turned out very good.

He chuckled. "Ah, yes. You're a wonderful cook, darling, but you have yet to see what living with Sirius did to my domestic skills. It was either learn to cook or order food every day."

"What, none of your girls cooked for you?" she asked, mockingly surprised. "I'm shocked."

"Well, Julia did, sometimes. But, I don't know… I don't like it when people cook here."

Lily looked at him curiously. "Why?"

He shrugged. "They always mess up my things."

"Oh, dear. I didn't know it irritated you… I can put everything back the way it was."

"No, it's fine; I'm just a little… possessive of the kitchen for some reason. I'm the only one who uses it, see."

"I can put everything back, James."

"It's fine; your way is good too. Plus, marriage is all about compromise," he taunted, grinning. "And I don't mind sharing my kitchen with you."

She beamed. "Okay then."

James kissed her forehead tenderly. "Why did you make pancakes?"

"You mentioned something in your sleep about chocolate topping… I thought you were dreaming about pan–" she paused when she noticed his amused smile. "Oh, silly Lily. You wouldn't dream of pancakes."

"Well, I didn't yesterday," he admitted. "Even though the pancakes were delicious, they did not replace you adequately."

"I'm afraid we're all out of chocolate topping, honey."

"We'll be fine without it."

.................................................

Aceita o que seja seu, então deita e aceita eu

Molha eu, seca eu, deixa que eu seja o céu

E aceita o que seja seu; anoiteça e amanheça eu

Beija eu, beija eu, beija eu, me beija; deixa o que seja ser

Beba e receba o meu corpo no seu corpo, eu no meu corpo

Deixa, eu me deixo...

Marisa Monte, "Beija eu"

.................................................

Lily checked her watch. "We have two hours before noon."

"Excellent."

"What are you cooking for lunch?" she asked, lazily stretching and accommodating herself more comfortably.

"I'll decide when I get to the kitchen."

Their change of focus was always so smooth and natural! One moment they were having a perfectly normal conversation, and the next, they had begun toying with each other – and they often did both at the same time, like now.

James placed his leg between hers, and turned her torso slightly, so that she could face him. He tenderly kissed her nose, eyelids, cheeks and lips, and Lily shivered when he went down her neck, shoulder and arm.

"I want –" she breathed out suddenly.

James immediately stopped what he was doing to look at her. "What?"

Lily smiled. How could he convey so much care and lust in a mere glance? She was thankful that her relationship with James didn't consist solely of routine Friday night missionaries… She couldn't imagine ever having that boring an interaction with him.

"What do you want, love?" he asked again.

She looked at him strangely. Why was he calling her that? She had nothing against it, but… When had he started getting love in the picture? And why had they started with this silly pet name thing anyway?

Speaking of nicknames, Billy seemed to be getting impatient. Oh, it was a terribly unoriginal name! She knew it, but she hadn't been able to come up with anything better back at Hogwarts. 'Peter' and 'John,' her first two ideas, had been vehemently rejected by James for obvious reasons, and 'Billy' had ended up being chosen.

Lily soon stopped thinking about that. James had stopped waiting for her to express her wishes, and was moving against her slowly; their slippery, soapy skin was touching everywhere.

They turned around and switched positions until they reached a satisfactory arrangement. The recurring splashing sound of the water against the tub was slow, roughly following their breathing.

James seemed to be daring her to make the next move. Her lips slowly formed an impish smile, and she freed one of her legs to wrap it around him.

Lily wished she could say that she hadn't felt this excited before, or something equally impressive, but it wouldn't be true. James had always known how to rub her the right way, so to speak.

She was in a permanently semi-excited state all day, or so it seemed. She'd heard people talking about how blissful the first months of married life were – and the Potters were enjoying this time to the fullest. It was never too late for some fooling around; they were never too busy for a relaxing quickie.

Before she knew it, James had already guessed her intentions, and had abruptly pulled her underwater. She didn't have time to react; he kissed her, forcefully pushing her closer to the ground. In the distance, she heard the water splashing on the floor, and knew that the bathroom was going to be a mess after they were done.

Lily couldn't tell whether he was taking or giving her oxygen. It didn't really matter. Suddenly, without any foreplay or teasing, he was inside her.

Lily's body jerked involuntarily, and James tightened his grip on her waist. She encircled his neck, pulling him closer, and deepened their kiss. She did it as if her life depended on the intensity of her actions; in a way, that was exactly how she felt.

Their synchronisation was as good as always. Lily and James had known each other well for a long time now, and the past few days had improved that. She could hear his accelerated heartbeat – or was it hers? –, and tightly clutched his neck.

Lily felt dizzy, but maintained the frenetic rhythm he had set to their movement. She could feel herself being quickly pushed over the edge, and James – oh, James was only waiting for her. His back hit the wall hard every time he moved a little slower than her, and he seemed keen on not letting that happen too often.

Lily emitted a low, short moan as soon as they came up for air. She felt weak, as if every bone and muscle in her body could shatter at any time. Her head even hurt a little – the lack of oxygen had definitely been taxing… But damn, that had been good. It had been one of the best in the past few days, despite its simplicity and speed, and that was saying something.

"That was… fast," he said, chuckling. "It must be some kind of a record."

Lily grinned. "Do I need to say that that was absolutely fantastic, or will your male ego over-inflate if I flatter it any more?" she asked, still slightly out of breath, looking at James and running her hands through his hair. His head was now on her chest, and he had his eyes closed.

She felt his smile against her skin, and her grin broadened.

"No, it could always use some more flattering."

"I thought so."

.................................................

The look of love is in your eyes; a look your smile can't disguise

The look of love, it's saying so much more than just words could ever say

And what my heart has heard, well, it takes my breath away (…)

How long I have waited, waited just to love you!

Now that I have found you, you've got that look of love

It's on your face, a look that time can't erase…

Diana Krall, "Look of love"

.................................................

Lily's foot toyed with James', and their fingers intertwined. He would need a few minutes to recover, and she would be happy to remain in their current position.

"I was thinking about the Shrieking Shack," James said nonchalantly. "Or maybe the Quidditch pitch… ah, and the Great Lake… Hogwarts has too many possibilities. I can't make up my mind. What do you think?"

"But we've already tried all of those. Why don't we go somewhere new?"

"Are you suggesting that we should endeavour to shag in every Hogwarts chamber?" James asked, smirking. "Now, that's an ambitious project I'd love to undertake."

Lily chuckled. "So would I, James, but I'm afraid we won't have enough time to spare in the castle these days. Although," she added pensively, "we do have quite a head start."

"So, should we start from the top down, north to south or what? It's a damned shame the guys didn't manage to get the Map back from Filch's office… It would be useful now."

Lily glanced at him. "Are you really serious about this?"

"Yes, of course. You?"

She smiled. "Naturally."

James laughed. How could he have found such a mischievously adorable wife? "I love you, you know that?"

He didn't stop to think about what he was saying. He didn't even consider for a second what the consequences could be. However, he did notice it when Lily took a sharp intake of breath. And only then did he realise what he had just said could surprise or upset her.

James knew Lily well enough to tell that she had been struggling against denial for a while. Had she overcome it?

James raised his head to look at Lily; he couldn't wait to read the reaction in her eyes. Would she be frightened? Disappointed? Frustrated?

He gazed into her eyes for a moment, but doubted the veracity of what he saw there. He didn't believe it – he wouldn't believe it until he heard her say the words.

It only took her a few seconds to crack a smile. His statement had surprised her, yes – but it had been a pleasant surprise. Naturally, she had already realised that he cared for her somewhat… But he loved her; he loved her!

"I love you too," she replied, feeling an inner thrill incomparable to any caused by physical stimulus.

Oh, no 'me toos' for James! She wouldn't give him the same answer she had given to all her boyfriends in the past few years. This time, she was for real.

He grinned, and moved closer to kiss her. Could life really be this perfect for much longer? James had never felt this happy before; he had never appreciated having Lily around him this much.

She loved him, and he loved her even more for that.

.................................................

Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed

Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless, aching need

I say love, it is a flower, and you, its only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance…

LeAnn Rimes, "The Rose"

.................................................

"Pass me the white pepper, love."

Lily did as James requested, and watched him with interest. He tasted a little bit of the sauce from the pan, and smiled with satisfaction. She had to admit that the smell was absolutely delicious; she was dying to taste the dish he was preparing, but he would hear none of it.

A distinct flutter of wings puzzled Lily, and she turned to look at the newcomer. Eilantha, the Potter family phoenix, had suddenly appeared in the kitchen.

Lily almost squealed with delight. She hadn't seen James' phoenix since they had left Hogwarts. In truth, she had never really remembered to ask him what had happened to the bird. Now she regretted it, having just realised how much she liked the bird.

"Eilantha!" she greeted profusely. "Oh, it's been such a long time! How are you? I missed you!"

The phoenix leaned her head against Lily's cheek affectionately, and James grinned. The two of them had always gotten along well, but they had never had an opportunity to stay together for long. Eilantha had flown away soon after the Potters' death (which she had witnessed), and she had returned on the day of Lily and James' Graduation – the day of their break-up.

"She's always gotten along well with you," he said, "but she's never really liked any of my other girlfriends in the past few years."

Eilantha glowered so expressively that the couple had to laugh. The phoenix nodded towards Lily.

"You knew we were married all along, didn't you?" Lily asked with a sudden hunch. "That's why you liked me – you always side with Potter women."

If that were possible, Lily would say that the phoenix smiled. It was entirely plausible to imagine that Eilantha had sensed the new connection between Lily and James from the day they'd gotten married. After all, that connection had been formed by a ritual, and not by signing a simple piece of parchment.

"I tried to introduce her to Julia a few months ago, but Eilantha refused to acknowledge the poor girl. She flew away and has only shown up when I'm alone."

"Good girl," Lily praised her, beaming. "Julia was never Potter material."

James chuckled. "That was precisely Eilantha's opinion – or at least that's what I gathered from all the fulminating glares she sent my way."

The phoenix gently stroked Lily's face with the tip of her wing.

"You approve of Lily, then? Can I stay with her?"

Eilantha nodded slowly.

James smiled, and tenderly kissed his wife. "See, you're officially a part of the family now, love."

Lily playfully ran her hand over the top of Eilantha's head, and the bird emitted a strange, melodic squeak. James suddenly remembered the pans on the stove, and hurried to get everything off before things started burning.

He began separating silverware and plates. Taking advantage of his inattention, Lily grabbed a spoon and tasted the sauce.

"Hmm," she muttered. "This is delicious!"

James turned and grabbed the spoon. "You were supposed to wait!" he chided, somewhat ineffectively.

"I did wait!"

"You should still have waited more," James said, serving her plate. "But anyway – did you like it?"

"It's wonderful. I give up on insisting otherwise; you're a great cook."

He grinned. "Thank you."

Lily smiled as well, and glanced at him lovingly. They sat across the table from each other, and were quiet for a while, appreciating the food.

Eilantha watched them with benevolence. Lily and James now looked every bit like the couple they had been for years. They were perfect together; they had always been meant to be. They were true Potters.

.................................................

Dedicato a chi aspetta uma speranza

Davanti ad un dolore, nel freddo di una stanza

Dedicato a chi cerca la sua libertà

Canto alla vita, alla sua bellezza, ad ogni sua ferita, ogni sua carezza

I sing to life, to its tragic beauty, to pain and strife, all that dances through me

The rise and the fall, I've lived through it all...

Josh Groban & The Corrs, "Canto alla vita"

.................................................

Aberforth Dumbledore was a happy man. He worked as a bartender in the beautiful village of Hogsmeade. He could have remained contently under his powerful older brother's protection, but had chosen to serve as Albus' lookout.

Aberforth was an active member of the Order of the Phoenix. He was Albus' eyes and ears in the village, always keeping an eye on the Hog's Head’s clientele.

He didn't really mind working for Albus. After all, the Hogwarts headmaster had already pulled him out of several tight spots – including one particularly embarrassing incident involving Aberforth's pet goat. It was only fair that the youngest Dumbledore should repay him somehow.

Despite having worked closely for many years, the two bothers had never been close. Aberforth had always been the odd, rebellious black sheep of the family, and Albus had already begun to show his genius before learning to speak. No one ever believed that they were twins; precocious, loveable Albus had always seemed much older than immature, ill-behaved Aberforth.

Their family had always been poor. With great difficulty, they had managed to give Albus some special training, at the expense of Aberforth's education. It was almost a relief to them when their youngest son had refused to go to Hogwarts. He hadn't wanted to endure seven years of people comparing the two brothers and having exceedingly high hopes concerning poor Aberforth.

Being the younger brother of one of the greatest wizards of all time was not easy. Nevertheless, Aberforth didn't feel bitter about it – not anymore, at least. They were well past a hundred years older now, and the time for those silly resentments was gone.

All that was in the past. The imperative present was the threat posed by that self-entitled Lord Voldemort. Oh, Aberforth remembered him! Tom Marvolo Riddle had been a model student back at Hogwarts, a seemingly flawless wizard.

Riddle had been to the Hog's Head only once – right after his Graduation. He had made quite an impression on the bartender, who had been curious to meet the young genius. At the time, Albus had just arranged the place for his erratic brother in Hogsmeade. The former Transfiguration teacher and Deputy Headmaster had been concerned about Aberforth's constant troublemaking, and had wanted to keep an eye on him.

Sporadically, Albus came over for a drink, and they had tense, rather superficial talks. These occasions were rare, and brief; the two men had no common interests. Aberforth had never cared about what happened in the wizarding world. Deep inside, he carried the firmly established certainty that Albus would make everything all right in the end; he always did.

Aberforth had always wondered if Albus was sure of that as well. One day, the troubled Hogwarts teacher had vaguely mentioned his worries about an especially bright Slytherin prefect. More than used to his customers' lamentations, the bartender had hurried to identify what was ailing his older brother: jealousy.

Since then, Aberforth had been anxious to meet the boy. Once he did, the reason for Albus' preoccupation became apparent. Riddle had a magnetic personality; he was convincing and undoubtedly powerful. What was there not to like about him? Everyone disagreed with the paranoid Transfiguration teacher, or credited his apprehension to the fact that he was Head of Gryffindor house.

Albus had finally gone mad for good, they all said. He envied Tom's gifts, and was afraid of the competition, the most daring declared. Aberforth had never liked to follow the mainstream opinion. And, this time, he sided with his brother.

There was something about Tom Riddle. Aberforth couldn't really identify it, but he had already had enough contact with dark wizards to develop a sixth sense of sorts.

The cold look in Riddle's eyes… The way he manipulated everyone around him… His curiosity regarding obscure, if not dark, areas of magic… Tom Riddle was heartless, and ruthless. Yes, he was dangerous. And that, Aberforth knew, was the first step in any potential Dark Lord's path.

Aberforth himself could testify of that. He, who had been Grindenwald's best friend, certainly knew how that transition worked.

.................................................

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control

'Cause everything that you thought I would be

Is falling apart right in front of you…

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

And every second I waste is more than I can take…

Linkin Park, "Numb"

.................................................

Aberforth angrily wiped an empty Butterbeer jug, filled it up and slammed it on the counter, nearly breaking it. The poor astonished customer in front of him slowly moved away from the apparently unstable bartender.

Thinking of Gerald Grindenwald always made him feel frustrated and immensely furious. He couldn't help feeling a little guilty as well. After all, Aberforth had parted ways with Gerald precisely when the future Dark Lord had been beginning to get acquainted with the Dark Arts. Would things have been different if they had continued as friends?

The youngest Dumbledore had already been involved in many dodgy activities. Nevertheless, he had hesitated when Gerald had introduced him to dark magic, only a few days after beginning to study it himself.

Aberforth knew that his brother would disapprove of this new interest. But that disapproval had never stopped him from doing anything… The problem was that, for once, he actually understood Albus' concerns.

Gerald delved deeper into the Dark Arts, and began alienating his former best friend. He hung out with a strange crowd; Aberforth hadn’t liked his new friends at all. Around that time, Albus had caught word of his brother's brief contact with evil wizards, and had offered him a job in Hogsmeade.

Albus was rich now, and famous. He bought the Hog's Head, and gave it to Aberforth, on one condition: the formerly irresponsible wanderer would have to settle and take care of the business himself.

Looking around the place, Aberforth smirked. One couldn't exactly say that he had done a good job with the bar's maintenance. But he liked the Hog's Head this way: dingy, shady and quaint. The tavern made enough profit to hire a lady who helped arrange the rooms in the inn above.

Aberforth still didn't know why he had accepted his brother's offer. Granted, he had always been crazy and utterly unpredictable, and nothing could have surprised anyone more than his acceptance. But why hadn't he suddenly become bored and left? He had no idea.

After the initial shock had died down, it had probably been his intention to leave at some point. The truth was that he had enjoyed living as a bartender. Listening to other people's sorrows was amusing, in a slightly sadistic way. For a few hours, he became a total stranger's best friend and confidante. Keeping secrets and occasionally giving advice was an essential part of the profession.

That was why he had hesitated before agreeing to Dumbledore's request to become a Hogwarts Guardian. Albus had mostly unnoticed wizards (and perhaps other creatures too – who knew?) secretly stationed in several parts around the school, serving as his scouts and sentinels. He had chosen them soon after becoming Headmaster; it had been a brilliant and highly functional idea. But then again, so were most of his ideas.

Anyway, here he was. Aberforth was a Guardian, just like William Bones and Rubeus Hagrid. Those were the only two others whom he knew, but there were certainly at least a few more. In addition to this mostly boring and uneventful job, Aberforth was also a member of the Order of the Phoenix.

Now, that was a lot more fun. Aberforth clearly remembered the day his brother had come to tell him that Tom Riddle had proclaimed himself the new Dark Lord. That announcement had surprised Aberforth significantly less than the similar one concerning Gerald Grindenwald, fifty years before.

Back then, the bartender had gone through a brief phase of denial. Surely his best friend could not have fallen that far! Soon, however, the sad reality had sunk in; the next blow – Albus being put in charge of hunting Gerald down and possibly killing him – had been accepted with far more ease.

But when news of Riddle's rise to power reached his ears, Aberforth had been a little worried. His anxiety was exclusively due to the fact that Albus seemed alarmed – that was a scary thought.

It couldn't mean anything good. Aberforth had seen the boy with his own eyes; he could imagine the incredible things Riddle was capable of. After a few years of training in the Dark Arts – presumably with Gerald's old buddies –, Riddle would become almost unstoppable.

Almost. Aberforth knew perfectly well that, in the end, Albus would corner this Dark Lord as well. Hadn't he caught Gerald? Hadn't he seen through Riddle's cover years before everyone else? Wasn't he the greatest wizard of their time?

There was nothing to worry about, really. Aberforth would do what he could for the Order in the meantime, of course, but he was sure that, in the end, all that would matter would be Albus' duelling skills against Lord Voldemort.

In the end, everything was always about Albus.

.................................................

A cloaked entity within a virtual reality, mechanised and organised

To me, it's plain to see the hand that's been busy weaving fantasy

It's so hard to understand, and often we are blind

But if truth were an ocean, would it fit in the pool of the human mind?

The Corrs, "Secret life"

.................................................

"Excuse me, excuse me."

Aberforth turned to glance at the door when he heard a familiar female voice. He had a great memory; it took him only a second to remember who it was.

"Mrs. Potter," he greeted with a slight smile.

He didn't know Lily well. They had only met a few times before, and most of those had consisted mainly of bartender-customer interaction. On the other hand, Aberforth was well acquainted with her husband. The four Marauders had frequently visited the Hog's Head, but James had been the one who'd kept in touch after graduation.

"Hello, Mr. Dumbledore."

"Aberforth, please," he hurried to correct her. "That name is not always welcome around here."

Lily nodded, and sat in the counter.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"Just water, please."

After serving some other customers, Aberforth came to talk to her. Like everyone else, he approved James' choice of a wife. Oh, of course the couple kept insisting that it had all been a huge misunderstanding! But despite that, the two of them obviously felt enough love for each other to prevent the filing of a divorce.

"Are you here for the '72 reunion?"

Lily blinked a few times, confused. Oh, right… Dumbledore had organised a reunion of her former colleagues as a cover-up for the Order meeting. It was getting harder every time to assemble all the members in one place.

"Yes, I am."

"How is James? I haven't seen him in a while."

"He's fine. He went out to meet his friends… They’ll stop by later on; I'm sure he wants to say hello."

"He's a fine man; you're lucky to have captured his heart for so long."

Lily beamed. "I am."

"I'm glad you decided to stay in London after all. It was the right choice."

She clearly remembered the day Aberforth had come to meet her, disguised as a cab driver. It had been her first day of work with James, and she had been quite willing to give up on everything and to return to France. But Albus had sent her a clear message through his brother: London was the place for her, not Paris.

Lily was certainly grateful for that intervention. But, on second thought, she would never have left England, despite all the initial quarrelling. Sure, she'd considered doing that many times – it was an ever-present threat in her first arguments with James. Nevertheless, she wouldn't have really done it.

"I wasn't in my right mind back then. I shouldn't have left in first place. I really enjoy working here."

"Do you and James get along better now, Lily? May I call you Lily?"

"Yes, of course. And yes, we get along significantly better, but we'll always argue a little."

"Just like back at Hogwarts… You all used to come here often."

"James came here more times than I, if I'm not mistaken."

"But when you started dating, you two came together. I wonder why; my bar may be many things, but romantic it is not."

"Well, it's a nice place."

Aberforth smirked. "No, nice isn't quite it, either."

Lily grinned. She liked dealing with honest people – she knew so few of them! "The Three Broomsticks is far too… bright. I prefer slightly obscure, kind of dubious places like this. I like the Hog's Head."

"Good. I like it, too."

"What are your shifts here?" Lily asked point-blank, raiding an eyebrow and hoping he'd understand her true question. Aberforth never went to Order meetings; most members didn't even know he was one of them.

"I hardly ever leave," he replied evenly, pouring her another glass of water. "I enjoy my work, and I only go out when I absolutely have to do so."

"I see."

"My brother and I get along reasonably well, Lily," Aberforth stated somewhat cryptically. "He generally forgives my faults even faster than he does everyone else's."

She nodded, not really knowing how to respond. Was everyone in Dumbledore's family a little nutty?

"So don't worry about my part of the big task; I've got it covered."

"Okay."

.................................................

You say I took the Name in vain; I don't even know the Name

But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?

There's a blaze of light in every word; it doesn't matter which you heard

The holy or the broken Hallelujah…

Leonard Cohen, "Hallelujah"

.................................................

"Hey, Moony."

Remus looked up and lifted his glass of Butterbeer to salute Peter's arrival.

The Three Broomsticks was usually a cheery pub, but today the mood seemed to be somewhat dampened by the chilly weather. The few customers talked in fast whispers, and every loud noise startled most people.

The atmosphere of Remus Lupin's little corner didn't seem any happier. In truth, his face showed more sadness than most others. His eyes betrayed the void he felt in his soul.

It was always like this, Peter thought dully. Every heartbreak seemed to tear Remus' world apart, and only a new infatuation cured him for good.

"How are you?"

Wormtail's question was an invitation for his friend to open up and confide in him, but, as usual, Moony didn't take it. Remus was like Prongs, in a way; they dealt with pain similarly. However, the werewolf was significantly more jaded.

"Predictably awful. You?"

"I'm all right."

"Good."

They were never talkative when Sirius and James weren't around. Remus and Peer were essentially backstage guys – neither dealt well with being in the spotlight, unlike the other two Marauders.

It was odd, actually. The four of them were entirely different and no one could have foreseen their friendship. And yet here they were – not as close as they had been back at Hogwarts, but still close nonetheless.

Sirius and James were still best friends, naturally. If the rumours were true (and scandalous rumours concerning them were usually true), they had even shared girlfriends at some point! Peter and Remus had never been included in that special bond of theirs, mostly because it just wasn't the quiet ones' cup of tea, and the two craziest Marauders knew that.

"Did you hear? James is going to buy wedding rings today."

"It’s about time," Remus stated with a small grin. "Is that why he's late?"

"I think so. He probably went with Sirius."

"Yes, that's likely."

They didn't voice their complaints about not being included in this important moment of James' life. Why would they? They both knew that Sirius would always come first.

Oh, there they went again. Remus had nothing more to say, so he silently sipped his Butterbeer. If Peter pressed the matter, he could probably get some more information about the whole Sylvie affair. However, the truth was that Wormtail didn't really want to do that. Why should he care?

So Moony had broken up with yet another perfectly nice girl, and was suffering… Big deal. That happened all the time!

But of course Moony always managed to get other wonderful women later anyway. Despite being utterly miserable and looking like crap most of the time – not to mention the whole turning-into-a-bloodthirsty-beast-once-a-month thing –, he charmed girls easily.

Remus Lupin was a true Marauder. He just didn't switch girlfriends with the same frequency as James and Sirius did, but that was only because he didn't want to. Naturally, that did not mean that he had ever spent more than a couple of months without dating.

The logical conclusion could be no other: Peter was the only Marauder who was always pushed aside, alone and frustrated. Merlin, he hated it. Yes, it was nice to have those incredible friends to whom he could look up to, and many people wondered why they had accepted him into their gang in first place. Wormtail – Wormtail! He couldn't have gotten a more pathetic nickname! – didn't care.

One day, all that would change. One day, he would show everyone that he was better than show-offs like Sirius Black and James Potter. All the girls would throw themselves at his feet, including one Pamela Avery, and, perhaps, Lily Potter.

Peter smiled. Yes, he would like that. He would like that very much.

Lily Pettigrew.

.................................................

You know you've got the keys to my heart…

One, you're like a dream come true; two, just wanna be with you

Three, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me

Four, repeat steps one through three; five, make you fall in love with me

If ever I believe my work is done, then I'll start back at one…

Brian McKnight, "Back at one"

.................................................

The Hogwarts sky seemed pleasantly familiar. It was wonderful to pierce its clouds once more, especially considering that both Lily and James hadn't flown in quite a while.

But now here they were: together on one broomstick, just like old times, idly flying through the golden Quidditch hoops. Lily was in front of James; he had one arm around her waist, and was guiding the broom with the other hand.

"I'd forgotten how wonderful it is to fly," she mused, looking down. The castle was slowly becoming smaller. "This place is so beautiful… I miss it so much!"

"It's been years since I last got my broomstick and flew off to nowhere… The fact that I forgot my trusty Comet here at Hogwarts speaks for itself."

Lily turned her head a little to look at him. "Why is that? You've always loved flying."

James kissed the tip of her nose with a smile. "Because of you, of course. I stopped playing Quidditch because I missed having you as a fellow Chaser. I tried to avoid everything that reminded me of you, especially in the first few months after Graduation. Granted, that was nearly impossible…"

"Aw, poor baby," she cooed, putting her arm over his and pressing her cheek against his. James hugged her more tightly, and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

Lily giggled. "Are you even looking where we're going?"

"I don't need to," came the muffled reply. "Cover your eyes, love, and prepare to feel a little cold."

She suddenly remembered what was about to happen, and took the necessary precautions. "Impervius! Impervius!"

Lily finished the spell just in time. For a few minutes, a cold, strong wind blew against them. Clouds zoomed past them incredibly fast, and the humidity would have been almost unbearable if they hadn't been magically protected. The skies swirled around the frail broomstick.

"I should have come in front of you," James said regretfully, rubbing her arm. Lily barely felt his warm breath on her ear. "I'm sorry."

"It's all – all right," she stuttered. She felt entirely frozen, unable to think or move. "Are we almost the– there?"

"Almost. Help me keep the broomstick steady, straight ahead."

With some difficulty, Lily stretched her nearly petrified hand towards the handle, and her ice-cold fingers wrapped around his unfeeling ones. The couple leant forward; it was easier to endure the harsh wind that way. Their speed increased vertiginously, though by no move of their own.

All of a sudden, everything was still. The sun shone brightly, and the clouds below seemed like a distant, snowy field.

"It's a pity we can't see anything down there."

Lily nodded. They had just been catapulted to the exterior of the magic 'bubble' surrounding Hogwarts. The vertical limitation had been recently created due to the popularisation of aircrafts.

Albus Dumbledore, who had been the Transfiguration teacher back then, had undertaken the hard task of studying the ancient charms protecting the wizard school. He had then cast one more layer of strong deflecting spells. That way, Muggle airplanes would not suffer (and possibly crash) from the reverberations of all the magic practiced at Hogwarts.

The end result was that, if wizards flew beyond a certain height, they were able to see Hogwarts in the same way occasional wanderers did: a few ruins with a DANGER sign. The flight was strongly discouraged, and prevented to an extent by the artificially rough climatic conditions near the borders.

"I wonder if Williams Bones is still around," James said idly, scanning the environs. "He used to come zooming over right after anyone left the boundaries."

"Dumbledore might have relocated him. He's – what, Amelia's brother?"

James shook his head. "Distant cousin. Genealogy was never really my forte, but, if I'm not mistaken, he's Amelia's great granduncle's grandson. I think that, other than Edgar, he's one of her closest relatives alive."

"I'll never understand how all of you old-blooded wizards learn all these family trees by heart. They're so complex!"

"Well, we grow up surrounded by distant relatives… It's not that hard, really."

Lily nodded, still unconvinced. "Isn't little Gus Amelia's closest relative?"

"Of course; how could I forget Gus?" James smiled. "Have you heard the story of Amelia's involvement with Fabian Prewett?"

"Yes."

"I've never seen him more desolate than on the day Amelia gave birth to that kid."

"Poor guy."

"He thought that her pregnancy meant that she had decided to be with her husband after all."

"Didn't he want her to be happy?"

"He knew she would never be happy with that guy," James answered carefully. "But, in the end, I think he wants her to be happy, even at the expense of his own realisation."

Lily sighed. "Would you be capable of that?"

He was pensive for a while. "I'm not sure. I can be pretty egoistical sometimes."

"Yeah, me too."

.................................................

Here we are, talking about forever; both know damn well it's not easy together

We've both felt love; we've both felt pain (...)

I'm not scared; it's worth the chance to me... Take my hand – let's face eternity

Well, I can't tell you that I will never change, but I can swear that in every way

I'll try to love only you, and I'll try my best to be true...

Alan Jackson, "I'll try"

.................................................

James pulled Lily a little closer, and they both stared at the clouds below. Lost in thought, he remembered their past together. The couple had certainly gone though a lot to get to where they were now... He was certain that it had all been worthwhile; he couldn't imagine how his life would have been if Lily hadn't come back to him.

"I hope I never have to make that choice," Lily muttered.

"You won't – not if it depends on me, at least."

Suddenly, he smiled, and let go of her hand. Lily threw him a confused look while he searched his pockets. He seemed to find what he'd been looking for after a few seconds, and said, "You know, people usually throw big parties to do this, surrounded by tons of people. But we've never really liked doing things the conventional way... So, Lily Potter –" he began with a broad grin, opening his hand to reveal two rings, "will you continue to be my wife?"

Lily was pleasantly surprised. She couldn't help smiling. His expectant face seemed to shine with fierce joy and pride. He was so endearing, so absurdly romantic! How could she have thought that she had fallen out of love with him?

"I will," she replied.

James kissed her softly, and said, "And I promise to continue to love and – and to hold, and all those nice things, no matter what happens. Oh, and to be faithful to you and only you, until death parts us. Do you?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Lily giggled, feeling incredibly silly. "You switched everything around, baby."

"Ah, I know. I asked Sirius to help me memorise all these things, but he kept making stupid comments... You know how that can be."

She nodded. "But it doesn't matter. That was perfectly sweet... I guess we should put the rings now, then?"

"Oh! Rings, yeah," he agreed, obediently giving her his wedding band.

Lily suddenly felt a strange lump in her throat, and a strong urge to cry. Turning to stay face to face with him, she almost fell off the broomstick. Merlin, she loved James too much... that couldn't be good.

He wrapped his arms around her protectively. James would never let her fall; he never wanted her to feel anything but pure joy for the rest of her life. Lily was his – body, heart and soul –, and he loathed the thought that harm could come to her in any way.

"I love you," she breathed out sincerely. Lily had never meant those three words as much as she did now. "That was perfect, adorable, so loveable..."

"Only you can make me act so utterly foolish – and I love you even more for it."

Lily chuckled.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

He looked away. "For staying here, for being with me, for deciding to give us a chance."

"It wasn't really a decision; I had no other options," Lily replied at once. It was true, and he knew it. "We deserved that. I just hope it never has to end."

"It won't," James assured her with perfect certitude, and she believed him. "We've been through enough. We deserve to enjoy this peace and quiet for a while."

"I sure hope so."

.................................................

So open up your morning light, and say a little prayer for right

You know that if we are to stay alive, and see the peace in every eye

I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over

I want to know right now what will it be

I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over

Will it be yes, oh, will it be sorry?

Dido, "I don't wanna wait"

.................................................

"Leylann?"

The brunette turned abruptly, caught off guard. Leylann hadn't heard that voice in many years – and she was beginning to wonder why she had never bothered to keep in touch with any of her Hogwarts friends. It was nice to see so many people again.

The room was beautifully decorated; Dumbledore had taken care of everything. A huge, moving sign read 'Welcome back, class of '72,' and there was enough food to feed twice the number of people present.

Leylann had already talked to several of her old colleagues, most of whom she hadn't seen since Graduation. A few had even started Healer training with her, and she had met one or two as patients in St. Mungo's. Naturally, there were a handful – Lily, Sirius, and others – with whom she still met regularly.

The girl now standing before her was not one of those. Virginia had been her best friend back at Hogwarts, but they hadn't met since then. Having moved to New York soon after leaving Hogwarts, however, it had been hard for her to keep in touch with Leylann.

"Gin! Whoa, how are you?"

The two women embraced, laughing. They had been close back then, even more so than Leylann and Lily. The latter had always kept a safe distance, as if she thought that the girls' friendship was fickle.

Looking back, Leylann didn't blame her. The two of them had only become best friends during Healer training, when they were already sharing an apartment.

"I'm fine, just great. And you?"

"Same, same."

"Is Lily coming?" she asked, eyeing Rita Skeeter with a grin. The reporter was avidly watching the entrance, eyeing the others every once in a while. "That Prophet girl is probably just waiting for the famous Potters."

"Remus told me they're already in the castle. I don't know if they’ll come to the reunion, but it’s likely."

"I always knew that there was something different about those two. They were too close, you know?"

Leylann grinned. These days, everyone claimed to have 'guessed' that Lily and James were married since Hogwarts. Just this afternoon, it was the third or fourth time that someone stated that to her. "It was easy to tell which couples would go ahead and get married as soon as they left school."

"Frank and Alice Longbottom," Virginia said at once. "Rodolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, James and Lily Potter…"

"Did you notice the Lestranges didn't come?"

"Of course. Most of the Slytherins are suspiciously absent, actually. Is it true that most of them are Death Eaters?"

"That's what people say," Leylann replied nonchalantly. She was no Auror; she didn't have any access to this sort of information.

"You-know-who is beginning to get really strong in the US. It's preoccupying."

"He's never attacked America before?"

"Not really. We've had a few American wizards murdered abroad, but never in our country. And then, all of a sudden, people started dying everywhere from Alaska to Florida… It's like a damned plague; everyone's terrified. We watched him grow more powerful here with apprehension, but we never really imagined that he'd come after us as well."

"Are you an Auror?"

"Yes. That's why I'm here – I'm going to take a look at the British methods and see if there's anything we can use."

In Leylann's opinion, Gin talked too much about her work. Wasn't this kind of thing meant to be discussed only in the office, with other Aurors? "How nice. Are you still living in New York?"

"No, I moved to LA. What about you, still in London?"

"Yeah, in the same apartment."

Gin hesitated for a second before asking, "Leylann, is there any way – and I'll totally understand if there isn't – for me to stay with you for a few days? I don't know for how long I'm staying, but I want to find a flat of my own. I just need somewhere to crash in the meantime."

"I'm not sure – I'm still sharing the place with Lily. I'll check with her, and tell you."

"What, Lily doesn't live with her husband?"

Oh, Leylann didn't feel like explaining the whole story right now. "It's a temporary thing."

"Okay… Just let me know when you can."

"Sure."

"So, what have you been up to lately?"

"Not much. My profession is terribly absorbing."

"Yeah, I know the feeling."

"Do you like being an Auror?"

"It's not bad. What about you?"

"I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else."

.................................................

When my soul was in the 'lost and found,' you came along to claim it

I didn't know just what was wrong with me, till your kiss helped me name it

Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for

And if I make you happy, then I don't need to do more

'Cause you make me feel like a natural woman...

Aretha Franklin, "Natural woman"

.................................................

"I don't want to enter."

James turned to look at Lily. They were only a few feet away from the Entrance Hall, and she had frozen in place. Several of their old classmates had already arrived, he could tell. A familiar laughter reached his ears; Sirius was in there as well.

Would it be nice to see everyone again? James wasn't sure. There were a few he honestly wished he could never see again – Severus Snape, for instance. But others… well, he simply didn't care. Of course it would be amusing to relive those careless days, but it wouldn't be nearly as fun if Lily weren't with him.

No, he wouldn't stay if she left.

"Let's go home, then," he suggested.

"We can't; there's an Order meeting here tonight, remember?"

"Oh, right. That's the reason we came in first place. Let's… walk around the castle, then."

Lily cast him a sideways glance, and smiled. His innocent suggestion didn't fool her for a second. "All right. Do you still remember your way around here?"

James snorted.

"Right. It's a stupid question, isn't it?"

"Terribly so."

"I wanted to go to the Gryffindor common room, and we don't have the password. Are you sure you remember all the secret passageways?"

"Lily!"

"Okay, okay! I'll shut up."

He quickly led her to an empty classroom, and had a hard time convincing an embittered suit of armour to let them enter the passageway to the Gryffindor tower. What had happened to that docile painting of Wendelin the Weird? Oh, right, Sirius had traumatised her with some indiscreet questions! Well, it didn't matter; the caretaker knew about that passageway, so it wouldn't be useful for any future Marauders.

James grinned. He could imagine himself giving his two (or three? He and Lily hadn't discussed that yet) sons a complete tour of the castle. Argus Filch had confiscated the Map a little before Graduation, but of course the four original Marauders could make another one, to pass on to their children. After all, no Potter had ever been a well-behaved student, even though there had been several Head Boys in the family.

Lily looked around the small tunnel with a nostalgic smile. It didn't take them long to arrive, and she happily noted that their old common room was empty. For a moment, she considered following the passageway to the Head Students' bathroom, but the armchairs near the fireplace seemed awfully inviting.

Lily pointed to the stairway leading to the girls' dormitory. "I remember the day I first saw you coming from Kate's dormitory," she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. "I had just come here from my sister's wedding, and I saw the two of you, obviously right after shagging."

She didn't want to mention her parents' death. She hardly ever mentioned it to anyone, and he knew what she was referring to.

James looked at her with genuine surprise. "You never told me that. I've always wondered how you knew about it before I said anything."

She looked at him square in the eye. "How was it?"

"What?"

"Kate. What was that like?"

James seemed hesitant. "I – why do you want to talk about it?"

"Because we're both here, and I want to know. I never understood why you'd done that, and now's as good a time as any. You loved me, didn't you?"

"Like a madman," he replied at once, staring at the fire. "I'd never felt anything like that before. I wanted to marry you; I never wanted to let you go. I was so dependent on being with you that I… I was scared of it all."

Lily glanced at him incredulously. "So you loved me so much that you just had to cheat on me?"

"It wasn't like that. I – she started constantly hitting on me, and then one day I just decided to give in to her. I wanted to know if it would be the same; I needed proof somehow that you were really different from all the others."

"And shagging the school slut was the best way to go about it?"

"I'm not saying it was the smart or right thing to do, but I just – needed to know! Come on, honey, I had barely looked at any other girl in over a year. I was suddenly confronted with the very real possibility of marrying you in a few months, and… I freaked out, but I didn't realise that until it was much too late. I thought that it wouldn't matter – you wouldn't even need to know or anything."

"Did you really think Kate would keep it secret?"

"I wasn't thinking! Honestly, I thought that, if I did it that one time, I would know that I really was meant to be with you, and all would be well."

"What happened then?"

James took a deep breath. Reliving those feelings wasn't good – he had beaten himself over all that far too many times. "It was awful."

She snorted. "Of course. That was why you kept doing it."

"No, really, I mean it. It wasn't bad in itself. I enjoyed it and all, but… it felt wrong, afterwards. I felt bad for doing it – and, in a way, I wanted to punish myself. I knew that I could never be with you again; I wouldn't be able to hide it from you."

"But why couldn't you just – not have been with her?" Lily asked, frowning. Everything seemed so absurd!

"I should've, but I only realised that after it was too late. I suffered too, love. I made my own life miserable, and I knew that everything was my fault. And then you told me your parents had been killed, and… Knowing that I was making you suffer even more hurt me as much as being away from you."

They both remembered well what had happened afterwards. They had ended up getting back together, and had eventually parted ways for good. Lily tried to summon up the reasons of her departure, but could only think of one: she had been afraid of being cheated on again.

"Do you think you'll ever freak out like that again?"

James raised an eyebrow. "Merlin, I hope not."

"Well, you've matured. Do you think nowadays that shagging can be entirely void of emotion?"

"Yes. It's entirely possible, and I've never doubted that, but… Once you spend too long without really feeling it, and you find someone, it's so valuable, and – I just don't want to lose this."

"But why would I trust a guy like you?" She asked, moving over to sit on his lap, burying her face in his chest.

He kissed her forehead. "You wouldn't. If you thought this through, and if you really wanted to be safe from harm, you wouldn't."

Lily sighed. "But it's too late now."

"Yes," James agreed with a slight grin. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do. More than anything."

"I don't want to disappoint you."

"You won't," she smiled. "I’m sure of it."

.................................................

I like your pants around your feet; I like the dirt that's on your knees

I like the way you still say please when you're looking up at me

You're like my favourite damn disease…

I love the places that we go; I love the people that you know

I love the way you can't say 'no'…

Nickelback, "Figured you out"

.................................................

"I knew I'd find the two of you near the Gryffindor tower! You're astonishingly predictable sometimes."

Lily and James turned to look at Leylann, who was coming up the stairs to meet them. They had just climbed out of the portrait hole, and had been debating whether to go to the reunion or not after all.

"How are things there?"

"Oh, everything's fine. Gin came – do you remember her?"

Lily frowned. "Er… brown hair, brown eyes, awfully talkative and your former best friend?"

"That's the one."

"Carolyn Brandt came, that blonde whom Remus used to date, and Annie Gibson too – she's working in Law Enforcement."

"Has Benjamin arrived?"

Leylann reflected for a second. "No. But he wasn't in our year."

"Yes, but his wife was."

She grinned. "I'm sure the two of you get along superbly well."

James laughed, and playfully nudged Lily. "It's no big deal. Mrs. Fenwick knows she's taken."

Leylann's eyes widened, and she remembered something. "Lily, Gin wants to crash at our place for a while. Is that all right with you?"

"Of course, no problem."

"You can come stay at my place," James offered.

"We don't know for how long –" Leylann began.

"For good, I mean."

He really did enjoy living with her… He had never considered asking another woman to move in with him, but this really seemed natural. It was an expected progression of their relationship.

Sure, things were moving a bit too fast. However, neither of them wanted to waste any more time after spending six useless years apart.

Lily took a sharp intake of breath. Once his statement had sunk in, she smiled. She was going to live with James! The prospect was a little daunting, but at the same time it pleased her immensely. She was his wife now, in every sense of the word.

"It's settled, then," James said, beaming.

They hadn't noticed, but Leylann had already led them most of the way to the Great Hall. Lily was suddenly torn between showing off her ring and husband to everyone else and trying to escape again.

"So… Are you going in or not?" Leylann asked.

"No," Lily decided quickly. "You can go if you want, James. I'll just – stay outside."

He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "Nonsense. I'll stay with you. Just give me a second."

James went inside the Great Hall, and Lily knew that he was just going to let the other Marauders know where he was going. They would need to contact him when the meeting was about to start.

Her gaze followed him, and she smiled. She was going to move in with him!

Well, what about Julia? How would she feel when she found her boyfriend living with another woman? That awfully bad decision of spending a week in Italy had been more disastrous than anyone could have foreseen.

For some reason, Lily had never felt threatened by Julia's presence in his life. The poor girl wasn't real competition; James loved his wife, and only her.

Lily was a little sorry, of course. After all, Julia had been her best friend for many years. Sleeping with her boyfriend – despite everything else, that's what James was – had been cruel and heartless.

Lily knew how terribly Julia handled heartbreaks. Losing James, a man Julia loved and hoped to marry someday, would hurt a lot. Would it be worse for her to know that Lily had caused the separation? Would that be a surprise, or did she already know?

Julia wasn't stupid. But, if she had known, why hadn't she done anything?

She had just… left. She'd left the ground clear for Lily and James' relationship to blossom. Now there was no more room in his life for a girlfriend whom he didn't even love.

Lily felt like such a grownup all of a sudden! Perhaps that was due to the amount of memories she'd had to face today. So many things had changed since then… Lily's life would probably have been happier if she had stayed with James all these years. However, she had a feeling that, in that case, she wouldn't value that happiness as much as she did now.

Happiness. Yes, Lily was happy, more so than she had ever been. And it wasn't just a temporary elation; it was simply her state of being. She felt delighted, excited, needed, safe and in love.

Leylann threw Lily a somewhat puzzled, amused look. "Are you the same Lily who was terrified of getting involved with James a mere week ago? Lily Evans, that friend of mine who swore that she would never fall for him, and that your involvement would be purely sexual? That ice queen who wouldn't let her boyfriends bring more than one shirt to her apartment so that they wouldn't get too comfortable?"

Lily shook her head, grinning broadly. "No, Leylann. I'm Lily Potter now – a head-over-heels, homey wife whose greatest ambitions are to cook dinner for Mr. Potter every night and to have time to knit clothes for our dozens of children."

Leylann grimaced. "Dozens?"

"At least."

"Merlin… Seriously, are you guys in it for the long run, for real?"

Lily shrugged. "We haven't really talked about that."

"But you're going to live with him… And you're already married… I expect a nephew any time soon."

Surprisingly, Lily just smiled. The idea of having children didn't disgust her anymore. The world was coming to an end.

"You shouldn't have bothered unpacking! You only lived in my house for a few hours, really."

"That's true, but I had no idea any of this was going to happen! On Wednesday, I was still insisting on a physical relationship and unashamedly displaying a somewhat obsessive commitment phobia."

"And now you're in love with your husband, you're wearing a ring and thinking about children."

"I'm not. Well, I am. But it's just – well, someday, I think it would be nice to have little redheaded Potters running around."

"I call godmother!"

"Oh, of course."

"Wonderful, then. So… you're moving in with James and Sirius. Good luck, and don't let them keep you tied up in the kitchen for too long."

Lily blinked a few times. "I might just be spending too much time with them as it is… That sentence wasn't supposed to sound dirty at all, right?"

"No!" Leylann chuckled. "But I know what you mean – I hear hidden meanings in cookie recipes after spending a week with Sirius."

Lily laughed.

.................................................

Melting under blue skies, belting out sunlight, shimmering love

Baby, I surrender to the strawberry ice cream never ever end of all this love

Well, I didn't mean to do it, but there's no escaping your love (…)

Come on, come on, we were once upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love, accidentally in love…

Counting Crows, "Accidentally in love"

.................................................

"There he is!"

Bozo looked at the entrance when he heard Rita Skeeter's exclamation. He then took a picture of James Potter talking to Sirius Black, and waited for Potter to go talk to other people.

In Rita's opinion, the Potters were obviously the stars of the reunion. Never mind the fact that they hadn't even attended it; the couple was much more famous than most of the other alumni. In fact, Lily and James Potter had been showing up in the Prophet more often than Dumbledore himself.

Much to Bozo's disappointment, he had to endure Rita's irritated foot tapping for a while after that. Apparently, Mr. Potter had not come to stay at the meeting. He left a mere couple of minutes later.

"Where's he going?" she asked rashly. "Where's his wife? Why won't he stay?"

Bozo was beginning to get used to Rita's moods. It was always best to stay quiet.

"Follow him, Bozo."

He didn't complain. He knew that she would come as well; Rita wouldn't rest until she got a few quotes and some nice pictures of the Potters.

They were relatively easy targets. Before long, the couple had arrived near the Great Lake, and were sitting by the shore.

Bozo clicked a few times, waiting for Rita to catch up with the three of them. Had the Potters realised that they were being followed? It was likely; they were Aurors, after all. If that were indeed the case, it was kind of them to go somewhere with such perfect lighting and landscape.

James kissed Lily softly, and they lay together for some time.

"Did you catch them kissing?"

Bozo turned to look at Rita Skeeter. She was avidly watching the couple, and seemed anxious to take advantage of this situation as much as possible.

In her opinion, it was excellent to make her readers fond of the beautiful, talented couple. That would make their divorce a hard blow on everyone – a blow that would move many to tears.

Oh, of course they would divorce! Two explosive, fierce souls like them wouldn't let routine settle. Their love wouldn't diminish and wane with time; they would never let it come to that. The marriage was going to end with a bang that would shock everyone.

Rita could already see the headlines: the divorce of the century! It had been long since the British had had such promising rising stars close to the public's heart. The Longbottoms were nice – too nice. The Prewetts were awfully boring and serious.

For the past few months, the Witch Weekly reporter had been searching for someone to place in the spotlight. Now she'd found Lily and James Potter, who had it all: danger, beauty, infidelity, temper and an irresistible disregard for rules. Everybody loved them.

Smiling, Rita asked her photograph to take another series of shots.

It was going to be an excellent divorce.

.................................................

Never made it as a wise man, I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing

Tried living like a blind man; I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling

And this is how you remind me of what I really am…

It's not like you to say sorry; I was waiting on a different story

This time, I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking…

Nickelback, "How you remind me"

.................................................

Six years had passed.

Six years, Remus John Lupin.

It was definitely enough time to move on and forget. He'd been through several infatuations and heartbreaks since leaving Hogwarts. He should have forgotten Carolyn Brandt.

Actually, Remus had forgotten her. She was nothing but a painful memory now, like so many others: his first love, his first heartbreak. Nonetheless, he hadn't taken his eyes off her all afternoon. Why?

He knew why, of course. In his damned human heart – more human than Carolyn's, probably –, he always treasured those feelings, enduring time and distance, long after each break-up. In a way, Remus still loved all those women, and he would never forget them.

And now here she was, the first name on the long list of people who despised him. Oh, she had hated him so much back then! Carolyn had cried, and begged him to lie to her. The truth was too difficult to bear – she couldn't possibly have fallen in love with… with a monster. No, not her sweet Remus!

Their eyes met. Remus had been watching Carolyn for a while, and she knew it. He knew she knew it, and she was perfectly aware of that as well. Would she risk talking to him now, or would she continue ignoring him?

Liar, her angry eyes spat all of a sudden.

Her patronising glare hurt Remus. No, it hadn't been unexpected, but it still caused pain. Well, it wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. He would get over it, just like he always did.

Carolyn began walking towards him. Remus watched her, knowing fully well what to expect from their exchange. Why didn't he run? It would be easy to excuse himself, go talk to someone else and avoid her…

He did no such thing. Her wavy brown hair and swaying hips drew closer. Those hazel eyes soberly looked into his. She hadn't forgotten; she hadn't forgiven.

The navy blue velvet robes hinted at obscene riches. Everything about her gave away her love for ostentation. Carolyn's eyes were no longer those of a young girl in love; she had seen the world now. She knew how time went by, inexorably changing people and the world surrounding them. But she still hadn't forgiven him.

How could she have pardoned someone who had deceived her with phoney promises? She had gullibly trusted a monster with her heart, and nothing good had come from that. He had told her the truth, shattering her hopes. Obviously, she couldn't possibly have continued dating a werewolf.

Remus reasoned with himself, trying to silence the angry memories. He had honestly expected that Carolyn would react better to his confession. He had hoped against hope that she would accept him… But no, an age-old prejudice had overcome her love for him.

Why did he have to revisit all these memories? Why had she decided to come to this reunion anyway?

"Hello, Remus," Carolyn greeted warily. What did she fear? Did she think that he would suddenly transform and attack her? Why didn't the wizarding world realise that the Wolf only ran loose on full moon nights?

"Hello, Carolyn."

He was polite, as always. Was he this courteous when facing Death Eaters as well? Did he remain this calm when the white-hot pain of torture ran down his spine? Did any of his gestures ever betray fury or passion? She didn't remember; she didn't want to remember.

"It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has. How have you been?"

"Fine. My mother's married to the Minister now," she replied, somewhat aggressively. Was Carolyn trying to impress Remus? If so, she was doing it in an entirely inadequate way.

Like most members of the Order of the Phoenix, Remus disliked the Minister for Magic, Carl Bennett, who was little more than a self-important villain who had far too much gold invested everywhere to care about the people he administrated. Bennett defended his money's interest extraordinarily well, but didn't do much against Voldemort.

Alas, he was no fool. It was difficult for Dumbledore to puppeteer him around when necessary. Oh well – his mandate would be over soon.

"How nice," Remus said evenly. "How about you?"

"I'm engaged to Regulus Black – have you heard of him?"

Remus seemed surprised, and Carolyn remembered that Sirius Black – oh, it was easy to forget that he existed! – was a good friend of his. Regulus' older brother was no longer considered part of the family; his name had been burnt off the family tree years ago. The two latest Black revolutionaries officially no longer existed.

Toujours pur. Yes, they were all pure, Carolyn included. She could trace her genealogy for centuries, and had connections in all the right places. If wizarding Britain were still a monarchy, she would be a princess. And Sirius – Sirius could have been king. Unlike his brother, he had the charisma and strength to succeed.

Remus… What a joke! He was unfit to clean the floor on which they all walked. A beast, an impure animal – that's all he was. Carolyn could barely believe that she had let him seduce her.

How could she have known? How had Dumbledore accepted such a creature among his students? Hogwarts clearly wasn't what it had used to be.

"We've all changed a lot," Remus stated, his amber eyes piercingly gazing into hers. He could guess it all – not that she was trying to hide it: contempt, loathing, disgust… Why did he force himself to face such a disheartening situation?

"That's true," Carolyn agreed, suddenly anxious to walk away from him. She had nothing to say to Remus. The transgressions of her youth did not matter anymore. Love was overrated; honour was much more important.

Bowing her head slightly, in a regal salute of sorts, she left Remus and returned to her group of friends. Carolyn was immediately welcomed back into the joyful chat; they didn't know with whom she'd been talking.

She felt relieved to be surrounded by her equals once more. Associating with Remus Lupin tainted her. No one knew the truth about him, of course, but she felt contaminated to be anywhere near him.

Carolyn had a sudden impulse: she could tell everyone about his condition! It would be strangely rewarding to see him universally despised, suffering his former friends' scorn… She had to make him feel what she had gone through – she had fallen in love with a werewolf! How could he have any idea of the painful healing process she'd had to undergo?

She chose to remain quiet, despite everything. After all, Carolyn had given him her word, all those years ago, and she wouldn't break that promise. But she could never meet him again. He was unclean, and she was almost a Black. She had to merit that distinction.

Always pure.

.................................................

They live with their eyes turned away

They were the first ones to see; they are the last ones to bleed

The ultimate high as all beautiful dies

A ruler's tool, a priest's excuse, a tyrant's delight (…)

Cut me free, bleed with me, one by one, we will fall down, down, down

Pull the plug, end the pain, run and fight for life…

Nightwish, "Tenth man down"

.................................................

"Did you hear about the Heathrow fiasco?"

"Yes, of course! Merlin, what a shame," Gideon Prewett said, shaking his head despondently. Like many of the older Order members, he was here on a date with one of the girls from the class of 1972. There had been quite a few available; no one liked going to reunions alone.

The small group of people surrounding him nodded. Indeed, it was a great shame. A team of Aurors had failed to protect an airplane after receiving fairly specific and accurate information, causing the death of two hundred Muggles. There were rumours implying corruption among some high-profile Ministry officials. The wizarding population was confused; weren't they supposed to be the good guys?

"It sounds extremely odd to me. I've known Ralph Cyrus for many years, and I've never seen him fail so spectacularly. He's a good Auror," Frank Longbottom stated firmly. "Now, all these accusations of bribery…"

"If Cyrus was such a great guy, then why did he accept Malshirn in his team?" John McKinnon, Marlene's brother and a former Ravenclaw, retorted. "Everyone knows that she means trouble."

An uncomfortable silence ensued. Kate Malshirn was the Minister's mistress; he'd been putting pressure on all the Chief Aurors to accept her in their teams. Nobody knew why Ralph Cyrus had caved.

"It's not like we knew much about her… James Potter is the only one who's always loathed Kate Malshirn," Sturgis Podmore said carefully. Most people present knew of the story involving Malshirn and the Potters, but perhaps the mention of it would annoy Sirius Black, who was standing right in front of him.

"He has every reason to do so," Sirius replied vehemently. "Most people who get to know Kate Malshirn soon find out that she's not at all likeable."

"Why didn't she come? Wasn't she in the class of 1972?" Emmeline Vance, a new member of the Order, asked, frowning. She was pretending to date a former Hufflepuff, Elphias Dodge, who was also a member of the Order. They weren't doing a good job; he had forgotten his 'girlfriend' and was discussing Quidditch with Peter Pettigrew in a corner. On a second thought, his attitude wasn't that uncommon.

Nobody there worked in Cyrus' team, so they didn't know the inner details of the Heathrow episode. Since it had happened, two days ago, most of the Aurors from that team had been regarded with some suspicion. Nevertheless, everyone knew how awful it felt to suffer a major setback and to be responsible for the death of so many others. For that reason, Aurors tended to be more understanding toward their colleagues.

"I don't know why she didn't come, but her situation's not at all comfortable," Sturgis remarked. "The population's putting lots of pressure on Bennett, and he will be forced to investigate several of his friends. I heard he's not happy about it."

"You don't think – he couldn't be involved, could he?" John asked shakily, as if he had never contemplated the possibility before. Everyone feigned shock, as expected; but, in truth, it was the foremost concern on most people's minds.

"He's a model citizen," Frank reprimanded him at once. "He has no reason to get involved in something so low."

Sirius shrugged. "Money. Power."

"He wouldn't go as far as to form an alliance with the Dark Side!" Alice Longbottom, Frank's wife, exclaimed. "His wife is my cousin thrice removed, and he's a close relative. I know Carl Bennett. I don't like him, but I know that he would never do such a terrible thing."

Sirius Black was no idealist. Trusting other wizards, especially respectable "pure-bloods" like himself, wasn't his forte. If some annoying Muggles were a nuisance to both sides, why wouldn't they ally? It was only natural.

"He has some principles!" Alice continued. "Bennett is the Minister – if we can't trust him we can’t trust anyone."

"But we can't," Sirius retorted. "Surely you've learned that by now!"

Sturgis seemed hesitant. "I'd sooner believe Crouch had done something like that. Bennett cares too much about his precious investments to risk such a dangerous liaison."

"Crouch is a bit too cruel most of the time, but he hates the Dark Side with every fibre of his being," defended Caradoc Dearborn, an Order member who had come alone despite being one year younger than the rest. No one had noticed that yet. "In case you haven't noticed, he is entirely against any sort of compromise."

Everyone had to agree.

"Don't you guys think it a little weird that so many of the passengers in that flight just happened to be influential, rich businessmen? Do you remember that a few of them had connections to the wizarding world and were perfectly aware of its existence?" Sirius taunted. "Come on, I'm no strategist, but that shows an interesting bit of planning, doesn't it?"

"There's no denying that it wasn't a coincidence," Caradoc intervened. "It comes down to two options: one, the information was corrupted by them somehow, before it got to us. If so, there's a serious flaw, and we have to find out how they did it. Two, we have a traitor in our ranks. It's really that simple."

It was not a pleasant thing to hear.

"There is a third possibility," Alice quietly suggested. "They could have simply failed."

A brief silence followed her words, and each person reflected on that somewhat comforting possibility. Could a good team of Aurors let several Muggles die just because the mission planning hadn't been effective? Was the improvisation capability of the wizards involved simply not good enough?

Even accepting that, one question remained: why had the team faced so much unforeseen opposition in the field in first place?

"That could be it, but it doesn't seem likely," Frank replied honestly.

"Cyrus and I have never been the best of friends, but I know that he's good at what he does," Sirius agreed. "Those Aurors were forced to act like Bernie the Blind Beater out there! I refuse to believe that the blame was entirely theirs, if at all."

"Then who could be the traitor?" John asked, frowning.

Silence.

No one knew for sure, but one thing was certain: it could be anybody. As far as they knew, it could be one of the people standing right there.

No one was safe. No one could be trusted.

.................................................

A/N – I've been neglecting Portkey for a while, haven't I? *sighs* I'm sorry.

Well, from now on, I will update here as regularly as possible. I will probably keep uploading chapters to fanfiction.net if the fucking nazis don't delete my account for writing songfics… But when the website I'll share with amazing authors like Solarism, Sarinileni, erak, Y. Kuang and others gets ready, I will most likely stop posting everywhere but there.

There, I've said it; I'm a bloody wanker, and I'm royally pissed off at ff.net's bitchiness. That's that.

-Chris

20. Eclipse

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 20

"Eclipse"

.................................................

Sunday, November 26th, 1978

.................................................

If you only got love for your own race, then you only leave space to discriminate

To discriminate only generates hate; when you hate, you're bound to get irate

Badness is what you demonstrate, and that's exactly how anger works and operates

You gotta have love just to set it straight, take control of your mind and meditate

Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all…

Black Eyed Peas, "Where is the love?"

.................................................

Logic ruled the world. Severus Snape was sure of it.

A sentimentalist fool would say that love made the world go 'round. An obsessed materialist would credit that to money. Most Death Eaters, and Lord Voldemort himself, always celebrated power. Egocentric relativists might argue that it was the universe that spun, not Earth itself. Each person had a different view of what moved everyone's lives: luck, wit, confidence, sex, chocolate, destiny…

It didn't matter to him. He was a Death Eater, yes; he'd seen all the effects power had on weak people. Severus Snape was not weak – he would never be. Voldemort's deliriums were unimpressive. The man was mighty, but someday he would fall; it was inevitable.

Severus had joined the group at first out of curiosity and mere thirst for knowledge. In Lord Voldemort, he had found a worthy teacher: a Dark wizard whom he truly respected. Slowly, his respect had waned; only his fear remained.

Nowadays, people were always drawn to the dark side by force or ambition. Voldemort was unable to work on someone's mind, unable to shake the foundation of someone's very soul. Why should he bother? All it took was a simple Imperio…

No, Voldemort would never appreciate the true meaning of torture. Violent, fleeting pain meant nothing. He tried too hard to be evil: he simply couldn't achieve any kind of balance. The Dark Lord was exceedingly simplistic; magic was his dangerous, lethal toy. He was far too… pathetic.

Snape almost smiled. It took courage to think such a thing, especially when one was facing Lord Voldemort in all the magnificence of his anger.

He often felt a certain intellectual curiosity: who would win, if it came to a duel? Snape had heard it many times – the only man whom Voldemort feared was Albus Dumbledore. Was it true? It seemed uncharacteristic of the man, in all his self-assured megalomania, to fear someone. Perhaps it had something to do with the student-teacher relationship back at Hogwarts. Well, it didn't really matter.

Snape was powerful, more so than he let on, but he probably couldn't take on the Dark Lord alone. He would learn, eventually; the wizarding world would need time to heal after these years of terror. This dictatorship of fear had been imposed on the population. They had never learned to respect Voldemort; their fear was due to pain.

It had been a bad move; but then again, when had Tom Marvolo Riddle ever been subtle?

"How could she live?" Voldemort roared, glaring at Snape. Wonderful: it was his turn to be chastised now. "How could you let her flee, when I had specifically ordered her death?"

"She had been forewarned, my lord," he said after a slight pause. "There was a trap. We barely managed to escape."

"You should have pursued her anyway! Crucio!"

Snape's every muscle tensed; he barely flinched. His trembling eyelids were the only sign that he was in extreme pain.

What could he do about this? Voldemort was provoking resentment in all the right people: those brave enough to fight him. Oh, of course he tried to kill them, but, in time, there would be far too many.

Should Snape ally himself with them? It was the first time he actually considered it. It did seem to be the next logical step… Was it worth the risk?

Voldemort lifted his wand, and hissed, "Legilimens…"

At once, Snape conjured the scenes of the unsuccessful attack to his mind's eye, carefully keeping Voldemort away from his recent conjectures. He felt the Dark Lord examining each several times; suddenly, he was released.

"Discover who their informant was," he commanded, Disapparating.

Severus turned to look at the others. Wordless understanding shot through them at once: they needed to find a mole – or a fake one – before sunset.

"We'll meet here at six," said a voice Snape knew to be Bellatrix Lestrange's. Naturally, she would be the one to find the 'true' infiltrator, the one that would be reported at the end of the day to the Dark Lord. Bellatrix constantly tested the lower level Death Eaters' loyalty in the slightest details, and hurried to report on them. She, too, used methods Snape considered too raw.

What would he do? There was no way he could unearth a true traitor in just a few hours… It was best to let Bellatrix do her job the way she preferred.

Joining forces with the likes of Albus Dumbledore was not a pleasing prospect. Snape despised the man, but still maintained some respect for him – as much as one could have for a highly limited but still wise wizard, that is.

The Hogwarts Headmaster would have been great, if only he had broadened his intellectual horizons a tad more. His reluctance to meddle in the Dark Arts was pitiful. Nevertheless, Snape could learn from him as well; it would all work out for his profit.

Well, Severus would be killed if Voldemort noticed the betrayal. Naturally, he would never do so. Bella… Ha! No, she would most certainly never catch on to Snape's wavering loyalty.

If Voldemort lost, the Headmaster's trust would acquit Snape of all guilt. If Dumbledore and those by his side were killed, Severus would remain loyal until he'd acquired enough strength to overthrow Voldemort.

Yes, it was the logical course of action. He had to go to Hogwarts. Not now – not while his damned colleagues' reunion was taking place, of course. Snape didn't want to meet any of them: they, too, were fools, manipulated fools.

He would bring them all down someday.

.................................................

It's hard to remember how it felt before, now I've found the love of my life

Passes, things get more comfortable; everything is going right (…)

We used to think it was impossible; now you call me by my new last name

Memories seem like so long ago; time always kills the pain…

Gwen Stefani, "Cool"

.................................................

"I don't like him."

Lily laughed at Benjamin Fenwick's discomfited face. "Colour me shocked."

"I mean it, Lily!"

"Of course you don't. He introduced you to everyone as Benjy, and you hate that nickname."

Ben threw his former lover an exasperated look. "Well, yes, and now I can't correct people without looking like a jerk. But that's not my point! Can't you see what he's done to you?"

Lily glanced around the room. Most Order members were already there, talking quietly in small clusters. It wasn't hard to find James, and he soon looked up to meet her eyes. She smiled, and so did he. Benjamin shook his head.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. Look at yourself, Lily – look at the mess you've become!"

"Mess? I'm happy, Ben. That's all there is to it."

He shook his head and offered her a cigarette. She refused. "Don't you remember what happened last time, Mrs. Potter? You've let your guard down again, and I've never seen you do this with any other guy. You're begging to have your heart broken, and you know it."

Lily sighed. If James had heard her sigh, he would probably have understood everything she meant to convey: the long time she'd spent pondering that issue, the decision she'd made, the blissful state of abandon in which she found herself at the moment. Naturally, Ben only grasped that his nagging was annoying Lily.

He looked away and lit up, staring at the Forest outside.

Benjamin had been living around Muggles far too much, Lily mused. Ben was one of the few wizards she knew who smoked. How had she ever shared that habit of his? It was odd; she wouldn't even consider doing it now.

Suddenly, she remembered that James had already smoked as well, a few years ago: it had been one lingering part of the self-destructive cycle he'd thrown himself into after their break-up. Funny, she couldn't imagine him holding a cigarette. It just didn't fit; he was stable, determined. Had they really suffered that much back then? Those days seemed remotely surreal.

Well, Ben had seen the awful time she'd gone through back then. His preoccupation was justified, perhaps, but that didn't mean there was anything Lily could do about it. She'd already let James back in her life and he wouldn't hurt her again.

"Why can't you be a little more careful? Slow down a little, Lily. You're still young. There's no reason to rush this relationship with him."

"Ben, we're already married. We're living together," she said, fighting back a smile. There was no need to mention the mere technicality that she hadn't moved in yet. Lily needed to shock him out of this whining: it was useless to complain! "Frankly, I don't see how we could decelerate now."

Ben frowned. This whole marriage affair had never made much sense, and it angered him. How could Lily take a wedding that had happened without her consent seriously? "It can't last," he shrugged.

Lily glared at him. Why couldn't he be supportive of her? Why couldn't he see that she needed this? "Pardon?"

"You fight too much. You're just far too alike, and you're both utterly unable to settle down. Your attraction to Potter is fleeting. Once it wanes, the frustration will sink in, and the relationship will implode."

Lily closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She reminded herself that Ben was just jealous. He didn't mean to irritate her. Well, maybe he did, a little. Maybe this was his little revenge.

"You know I love him," she said, after a few minutes. "If not, you should realise that right now. I love him more than anything, Ben – and I don't understand how you of all people can't see how much he means to me.

"I've gotten it bad this time, even worse than when I was younger. What can I do? There's something about James that just disarms me."

"Potter will break your heart," He stated with bothersome certitude, throwing his cigarette out the window. Ben avoided her eyes, disgusted by her lovesickness. It diminished his view of her, and he hated Potter for it. "But I do hope he can make you happy in the meantime."

.................................................

And that's about the time that she broke up with me

No one should take themselves so seriously

With many years ahead to fall in line, why would you wish that on me?

I never want to act my age… What's my age again?

Blink-182, "What's my age again?"

.................................................

"Padfoot, why do you have that look on your face?"

Sirius Black turned to look at one of his best friends. Well, it was Remus' moral duty to make sure nothing too bad was taking place. Unfortunately, by the time Padfoot seemed this self-satisfied, it was usually too late for damage control.

As always, Sirius tried to shrug it off and distract him. "It's nothing. Hey, did James tell you that he's inviting Lily to move in with us?"

For once, the all-too-familiar tactic worked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I wonder what the neighbours will think: two grown men and a woman sharing a tiny flat!"

"They have no way of knowing that you've used magic to enlarge it," Remus mused, grinning. "Yes, they will imagine the strangest things."

"I don't mind."

Moony raised an eyebrow, vaguely amused. "Of course you don't. But doesn't it bother you? Lily moving in, I mean."

"Not at all. It was about time."

It was then that Remus caught that familiar glint again, and remembered to continue his third degree. "You've been up to something, I can tell. Spill it."

"It's nothing, really." Remus just continued staring, and Sirius finally threw up his arms, admitting defeat. "I just sent Gin a letter a few days ago, asking her to come to the reunion."

Moony glared at him, eyes wide with alarm and suspicion. "Padfoot –"

"What? My intentions were perfectly pure!"

Remus preferred not to voice his utter distrust of any possible connections between that adjective and his best friend. "Do you really think I'm that desperate?"

"Well… No, of course not. But you see, the thing is, you have been kind of down since you broke up with Sylvie –"

"– And that was three days ago –"

"– It doesn't matter! You've been terribly depressed, and I remembered that Gin used to have a thing for you…"

Remus half-smiled. "I ended up talking to Carolyn Brandt instead, and look how happy that made me."

"Didn't you at least say hi to Gin?"

"Yes, sure." He shrugged. "She's staying at Leylann's; we're going to meet next week or so."

Sirius grinned so broadly that Remus was forced to wonder if his friend knew more about this than he had disclosed.

"Padfoot… What else did you do?"

"All right, all right. I just mentioned to Gin that maybe she could come live here for a while and study with British Aurors. Oh, and I kind of took care of the paperwork."

Remus blinked for a few seconds, trying to understand his friend's trail of thought. "You did this… so that Lily would live with you and James?"

Sirius nodded. "And so that you could marry Gin and have a ton of babies. That way, everyone will be happy."

Moony shook his head, positively dumbstruck. "How can your plans actually work? You just have crazy ideas and hope everything turns out fine!"

"Well, I'm a genius."

"A modest genius, of course."

Sirius acquiesced, smiling. "Naturally."

.................................................

Empty spaces - what are we living for?

Abandoned places: I guess we know the score

On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero, another mindless crime behind the curtain, in the pantomime

Hold the line; does anybody want to take it anymore?

Queen, "The show must go on"

.................................................

"I believe we have two operational issues to solve before we discuss recent events," Dumbledore began. "The first one is, of course, the frequency of our meetings. We used to meet once a week, but that is clearly impossible now."

"I believe Hogwarts is somewhat of a liability," James suggested daringly.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and most Order members eyed James as if he were insane. Even Lily, who was sitting beside him, looked at him with genuine surprise.

"I mean - of course this is the best place for us to meet, with the best security and age-old protection spells. However, there's the small detail that we cannot Apparate."

"There's always Floo powder," Dedalus Diggle stated. "And the Hogwarts Express. Not to mention, of course, that we can simply Apparate to Hogsmeade and come here."

"Yes, and those are the methods of transportation most people here used," Lily replied, slowly understanding. "But the problem is that they are all easily monitored. It won't be long before Lord Voldemort realises that, for instance, every Wednesday, twenty wizards go to Hogsmeade for no apparent reason."

"Besides, if there's an emergency and someone has to leave, it's harder to do so from here," James added.

"I see," Dumbledore nodded. "Well, no one likes the idea of leaving Hogwarts less than I do, but it's a valid point. Meeting somewhere closer to London would probably be better. Do you have any suggestions?"

Dorcas seemed thoughtful. "We could meet in the office."

"Which office?" Dedalus asked.

"We work together – I work with Lily, James and Marlene, that is."

Caradoc Dearborne frowned. "What about Amelia Bones? I remember she used to be there too."

"She's in Law Enforcement now," Benjamin answered at once. "She's starting tomorrow."

"Oh." Dedalus looked at Dorcas, frowning. "But aren't you Aurors? I thought all Aurors worked in the Ministry."

"Yes, we're Aurors, but a few teams – like mine and James' – work undercover as Muggles," Gideon explained. "It's just a precautionary measure. Plus, we stay closer to the action that way."

"That brings us to our second point of discussion, even though we haven't reached a conclusion yet," Dumbledore intervened, looking at the Potters. "Your team needs more members."

"Yes, sir."

"I think it would be interesting to have an entire Auror team comprised of Order members."

Lily frowned. "With all due respect, sir, our team needs at least two more members, and most Aurors here can't afford to leave their own groups."

Albus gravely observed her; what was he thinking? It was always impossible to tell. After a while, he nodded, and turned to look at the other Order members.

"Does anyone have any suggestions?"

"I can leave my team," Caradoc volunteered. "But I would prefer not to do so. We've been working hard on the Unforgivable Curses for a while now."

"No, you're necessary there," Lily replied at once. "That's not an option."

Gideon hesitated slightly before suggesting, "I think my brother Fabian wouldn't mind leaving his team. He's not part of this group, but he's well aware of its existence."

Edgar Bones grimaced, and didn't bother mentioning the irony of the situation. How would Amelia react when she heard that Fabian Prewett had replaced her? Lily noticed it at once, and couldn't help wondering the same thing.

Benjamin took a deep breath. "I could leave Law Enforcement."

He barely had time to see James Potter's cross look before Dumbledore smiled and announced, "Wonderful, then. The two of you will fit in quite nicely. And I do believe it is a good idea for us to meet there. Would you mind giving us access instructions?"

.................................................

Que reste-t-il des billets doux, des mois d'avril, des rendez-vous?

Un souvenir qui me poursuit sans cesse...

Bonheur fané, cheveux au vent, baisers volés, rêves mouvants (...)

Un paysage si bien caché, et, dans un nuage, le cher visage de mon passé...

Charles Aznavour, "Que reste-t-il de nos amours?"

.................................................

Alain didn't want to let go of Lily.

At the moment, she was nothing but a memory: her eyes, her smile, even her temper… He missed that wonderful, sweet girl who had captured his heart.

Alain didn't know the new Lily. He didn't know what had happened to his girlfriend after she had begun working in London, but she had changed. This probably had something to do with James Potter – damn him!

The man had somehow stolen the love of Alain's life, with complete disregard for the chaos that had caused.

Potter couldn't make Lily happy; Alain was sure of it. The British strategist was unable to respect monogamy for long. Soon enough, she would probably get sick of forgiving his mistakes, and return to Paris.

Were Alain absolutely certain of that fact, he would not hesitate before turning Charlotte's offer down. He would definitely not marry a woman he didn't love, or adopt a child that wasn't his. However, the truth was that Alain had to admit that Potter probably intended on keeping Lily for good this time.

The only heir to the Delacour fortune couldn't afford the luxury of waiting several years for a potential wife. The advantages of marrying Charlotte d'Épernay – a French witch from a good family – were evidently numerous. She was the fulfilment of his parents' every dream; she was the embodiment of everything Lily despised the most.

The only practical downside of marrying Mlle d'Épernay was the existence of her young daughter. It wouldn't be hard to convince a one-year-old to accept a new father, but it had to be done soon. It wouldn't be complicated to get a positive paternity test: a little gold here and there, some significant pressure on the right people, and voilà, the girl would become Fleur Delacour.

Oh, Alain would naturally favour the children he fathered, but Fleur would never be belittled. Like his own sister, she would be introduced to the right people when the time came, and marry properly.

Yes, that was tradition: it was the correct thing to do. Marrying a capricious British divorcee would never be the proper course of action for Alain. His family would always patronise her, and she would never truly like them.

"That doesn't matter," he growled to himself. Suddenly, he stopped and looked down at the sidewalk, grimacing as he cursed himself for being so engrossed in his own thoughts. No Frenchman cleaned after his dog – they simply walked attentively.

In Alain's opinion, big-city Muggles shouldn't be allowed to have dogs. The poor creatures were confined to tiny studios most of the time; it was little wonder that they always decided to cause confusion.

He sighed, and examined the surroundings. No one was looking. Well, there were tourists staring, of course. Tourists always stared; they were part of the landscape. Alain surreptitiously took out his wand and cleaned his shoes.

Arranging his tie, he continued to walk. It was good to pretend invincibility, aloofness. If anything, the past few weeks had taught him to exude self-confidence.

His self-esteem was at its lowest, but the casual observer couldn't tell. Well, it was hard to keep the memories away at night. How could he not think of her when he saw things that she had left behind? How could he look into a mirror?

That was when he broke down, and began to wish for a way out of this situation. Afterwards, he wondered if having Charlotte beside him would help. Alain reckoned she would do her best to make him forget the nostalgia. He just wasn't sure if he wanted to move on…What if Lily returned?

Well, he could always divorce Charlotte, but he would never do such a thing. Oh, the scandal it would cause! It was unthinkable for Alain Delacour to force his wife to become a single mother…

Was he ready to destroy his reputation even more because of Lily?

Alain looked up at the dull, grey sky, and inadvertently bumped into a few strangers. He muttered a hasty apology, but it didn't matter to them, or to him.

He wasn't the type of guy who was carried away by emotion. He hated it, and valued his ability to keep his feet on the ground. It was time to focus on reality once more: streets, people, family, status, life… Lily had turned his world inside out for two years. That had to change. He had to change.

Yes, marrying Charlotte was the right thing to do.

.................................................

Monday, November 27th, 1978

.................................................

She may be the face I can't forget, a trace of pleasure of regret

May be my treasure or the price I have to pay

She may be the song that summer sings, may be the chill that autumn brings

May be a hundred different things within the measure of a day (…)

She may be the mirror of my dreams, a smile reflected in a stream

She may not be what she may seem inside her shell…

Elvis Costello, "She"

.................................................

"Wake up, love. We're almost late."

Lily opened her eyes and jumped out of bed, nearly knocking over James. He had been standing right beside the bed, and had to grab her waist to keep them both from falling.

"What time is it?"

"Six-thirty," James answered, grinning. It wasn't particularly late, but he knew that she took a while to get ready.

Lily cocked her head to the side and smiled. "I'm cold," she muttered, still half-asleep.

He rubbed her arms protectively, and directed her to the bathroom. "Have a good shower," he said, kissing the tip of her nose. "I'll go make breakfast."

When he left the bathroom, she was sleepily staring at the mirror. Half an hour later, when Lily came to the kitchen, she resembled her normal self significantly more.

"I need to drink something," she said, examining the table with a grin. "Hmm, I don't think I will ever get used to you cooking for me."

James poured Lily and himself some tea. "I see you've finished organising the closet."

"I did, only a couple of hours after you went to sleep," she replied, nibbling on some toast. "I've already managed to enlarge it enough to make my closet fit inside it, and then I just Vanished the wood."

He made a face. "You have too many clothes!"

Lily threw him an amused look, and remained silent.

"I mean, I remember you used to have quite a bit of clothes back at Hogwarts, but this is just insane! Seriously, honey, your closet is something like five times the size of mine – not counting the shoes…"

She smiled. "Does that bother you?"

"No, not really, provided that I still have some space there."

"All right, then."

After a few seconds, James cleared his throat and reached for a piece of parchment. He had obviously started working earlier today. "Crouch has announced the creation of a special commission to investigate the Heathrow incident."

Lily frowned. "It's not like him to show off for the press. Who was chosen?"

It took James a split second longer than normal to answer the question, and she guessed the answer.

"Did he say why he chose me?" she amended her question.

"I'm not sure; everyone knows we need you in Strategy. Crouch may know more than he's let on so far," he mused. "In that case, he probably has a specific reason."

"There are many other strategists available, you know. He didn't have to pick me," she complained, with a hint of exasperation in her voice. "It's not like I need the media scrutiny and constant pressure!"

"You can refuse."

"Oh yeah, and then that will leak, and everyone will think I'm heartless. No, of course I have to go."

James didn't react; he had already arrived at that conclusion.

"Fine," Lily consented under her breath. "What does he say in the letter?"

"You can continue working in our team for a while. He says that the amount of work you'll do in the committee depends solely on your compassion for the memory of those poor dead people, or some equally guilt-inducing suggestion. I don't think he wrote that letter personally; it's probably just a standardised thing."

"Yes, that's likely. Is everything confidential?"

"Ah, yes, of course - you can't mention a word to anyone, including your husband."

She smiled. "How long do we have before the press finds out, in your opinion?"

"A day or two, tops.”

.................................................

And I find it kind of funny; I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you, 'cause I find it hard to take

When people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world…

Tears for Fears, "Mad World"

.................................................

Fabian took a deep breath when he entered the first-floor office, and didn't bother turning on the lights. He just wanted to feel the atmosphere of the room. Amelia had worked there; it had been a long time since he had been in contact with anything of hers.

Oh, no, he hadn't forgotten! The faint, bittersweet smell surrounded him, invaded him, and stirred his very soul. Her presence was strong here: he could almost see that fleeting shadow, touch her, hold her…

Shaking his head, Fabian snapped out of his reverie. The fact that this office had been assigned to him was disturbing. He hadn't complained, of course. After all, brooding had never kept him from working.

What was he doing here anyway? Gideon hadn't been specific in his request, and everyone in this team seemed to be a perfectly normal Auror. Fabian could tell they weren't. Oh, please – how could anyone think that James Potter, of all people, wasn't in Dumbledore's group? What did these people want from him anyway?

Was this yet another attempt to get him to join that so-called Order? How many of them were in on the secret? If this were just a plot to influence Fabian, they would all be sorely disappointed. He approved of their work, yes, but he would never become one of them.

Fabian was devoted to the Ministry alone. There was no reason, he reckoned, to trust another wizard to command the fight against Lord Voldemort, even if that wizard was Albus Dumbledore.

"Fabian?" Dorcas' head appeared through the door. Clearly, people in this office didn't bother to knock. Well, he would have to work on some charms if he wanted privacy. "We'll have a meeting in ten minutes."

"I'll be there," he replied. The head disappeared, and he leaned back in his chair.

What now? It was going to be fun to work with these people. They were good, and everyone knew that. Fabian just didn't want to be dragged into their secret world of mixed loyalties.

He loved being an Auror. At first, the expectations had been overwhelming: his father had been a famous Chief Auror and politician, and his brother had quickly obtained command of his own team. In time, however, Fabian had obtained respect for his own achievements.

He stood up with a sigh, and walked to the door. It was strange to work wearing Muggle clothes; Fabian hadn't gotten used to the office routine of changing attires there. Perhaps in time he would grow accustomed: he always did.

After all, the story of his life was a tale of concessions and conformity. He had yielded to his father's final wishes, and settled for the sad, risky life of a lonely Auror.

It was probably worth it in the end. He didn’t have the proper perspective yet, right? Or maybe – maybe this lack of purpose was all there was to life anyway.

The hallway was awfully bright compared to his dim personal space. The contrast was normal, yet metaphorical. This was the time when he put on the mask to face his senseless daily humdrum. No, life couldn't have a real meaning. Was Fabian really that different from those surrounding him? They didn't seem to be in a better condition than him – well, at least most of them didn't.

He climbed the stairs and slid into the Chief Aurors' office. Lily Potter was looking out the window – oh, some offices had real windows here; how strange –, and her husband had his arms around her. Were they happy? It certainly seemed so, but appearances could be deceiving.

Fabian felt bad for intruding. The other staff members hadn't arrived yet, and the couple was clearly enjoying a quiet moment.

"Hey," Lily greeted, turning to face him. James detangled himself from her, and they examined the newcomer with sympathy.

"How was your first day, Fabian?"

He shrugged. "Everything's fine."

The Potters were strange, he reckoned. James had been his friend for many years, and Lily was all right, but they were too – happy. Most people gaped at their gorgeousness and perfection, but Fabian knew better than to believe that image.

Well, Lily wasn't Fabian's type; he understood why most men would find her attractive, but her beauty didn't impress him. Besides, he couldn't forget James' angst in the months after their break-up.

"I know everyone here," he continued. "But I heard that another member will join, some guy from Law Enforcement."

"Yes, Benjy Fenwick," James replied. He smirked when Lily threw him a significant look, but Fabian didn't understand the inside joke. "He starts tomorrow."

"Would you prefer changing offices?" Lily asked worriedly, out of the blue.

Fabian's eyes barely betrayed his surprise. He should have guessed that James would tell his wife the whole story! Nevertheless, the fact that more people knew about the situation with Amelia was slightly upsetting. "No, I'm fine, Lily –" he shifted uneasily. "Should I call you Lily? Mrs. Potter? Chief?"

"Any of those is fine," she shrugged.

"Anyway, they're probably waiting for us," James said, gathering a few pieces of parchment spread clumsily on his desk. "Shall we?"

"The meeting isn't here?"

Lily shook her head. "Didn't Dorcas show you? There's a meeting room downstairs."

"Ah, I see."

James led the way down; before they got to the ground floor, he stopped and reached back to grab Lily's hand. They stopped; Fabian noticed they wanted to exchange a few words alone, and immediately hurried past them.

"What, do you feel like playing matchmaker?" Lily asked under her breath, staring after Fabian.

James nodded slowly, and turned to face her. "I've been thinking of setting those two up for a while. He's so miserable; it's sad."

"You know, he may freak out and want to kill you."

"Yes, and he may be truly completely happy for the first time in years."

"True. When do we do this?"

"Some time this week. Let's give him some time to get used to the team."

.................................................

Friday, December 1st, 1978

.................................................

His eyes said it all; I started to fall, and the silence deafened

Head spinning round, no time to sit down, just wanted to run and run

Be careful, they say – don't wish life away… Now I've one day! (…)

In just one hour, they'll be laying flowers on my life: it's over tonight…

Jem, "24"

.................................................

Every second, the ominous ticking of the clock weighted more oppressively on Julia's heart. 'We'll talk after the party,' James had said right after welcoming her. His greeting had been far too distant.

Her heart had sunk when she'd looked into his eyes: he'd made his choice. There was no hope, she knew – she'd known it from the moment she'd seen the new issue of Witch Weekly.

There they were: the Potters, the golden couple, just like old times. They were happy, people said; they were in love. Julia suffered--it hurt to see them together. James whispered something in Lily's ear; they were almost kissing. His eyes darted to his girlfriend, and he quickly pulled away.

The nerve of that girl! Lily had dared to come to Julia's party! 'Happy birthday,' she'd said, with the most hypocritical of smiles. Oh, what would Mrs. Rutilia say when she saw the redhead here?

"Hey, Julia, come take a picture!" Leylann called from the other side of the room. She, too, was a fraud; everyone was allied against Julia. Naturally, all of James' friends preferred Lily. Why wouldn't they? Julia truly loved him – but they didn't care about that.

They were after fame, exposure. They wanted the notorious, explosive girl, and not the quiet one. Julia was far too restrained, they probably said. She wasn't right for him. She wasn't bad enough.

James clearly felt the same way. He'd let himself get seduced… Bastard. There he was, talking, making her laugh. Why should they bother pretending now? Everyone knew that they were together and that that Julia meant next to nothing to him. Why had he even come to the party? Oh, right. It was in his apartment.

James should have chosen Julia. Lily would dump him again, and he would have no one. On the other hand, Julia would've gladly forgiven his mistakes. He hadn't asked her to do so – he didn't believe he was doing anything wrong.

Did he know he was breaking her heart? Did he know he was making Julia suffer as much as his beloved Lily had suffered, all those years ago? Did he even care?

.................................................

Every now and then, I get a little bit restless, and I dream of something wild

Every now and then, I get a little bit helpless, and I'm lying like a child in your arms

Every now and then, I get a little bit angry, and I know I've got to get out and cry

Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified, but then I see the look in your eyes

Every now and then, I fall apart…

Bonnie Tyler, "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

.................................................

"What are you doing here?"

Lily squinted and tried to see the man standing in the doorway. "I'm tired, love. Can you come in, and oh, please close the door? There's too much light out there."

James complied and walked to his bed. "We had quite a day, didn't we?"

She yawned, and stretched. "I can't believe we had to hide every trace of my presence in this place. It took more work than I'd imagined."

"Well, you sure have a lot of things. But that doesn't matter; things will be simpler after I break up with Jules."

He lay down beside her. "How do you think she'll take it?"

"Not well. She’ll cry a lot."

"Yeah, I think so, too. Do you resent her?"

Lily hesitated before answering, and leaned her head on his shoulder. "No. She kept you safe for me." She grinned. "Who knows how many awful gold-diggers were waiting for you to be available?"

He chuckled. "I'm not that rich."

"Well, you have a pretty decent income – ah! I owe you this month's Godric's Hollow rent."

"True. Actually, I haven't paid it yet; I’ll do it on Monday. Where does that lady live again?"

"Somewhere in Scotland. It shouldn't be hard to find."

"Yes, probably."

James stroked her face, and suddenly realised her cheeks were wet. Nothing else in her demeanour had indicated she'd been crying. "Lily, why were you –"

"It was nothing," she interrupted him.

"Yeah, sure. Now tell me."

"I just – I don't know. I saw you with Julia."

"And?"

Lily shrugged. "Maybe I felt guilty, maybe I thought you could still love her a little. I had this feeling that everything was wrong about this – about us."

"It's not wrong, love. It feels right. You know it's right."

"I do… But she knows, James; I can't help feeling a little bit sorry for causing all this, and yet I don't. I want to be with you, and I don't care about her."

He acquiesced. "I understand."

She sat up, and looked at him with a smile. "I should go."

"Where?"

"Will sent me an owl; I left a few things in my old apartment. It shouldn't take me long to gather everything. Either way, it's not like Jules actually wants me here."

"All right. The party should end soon. I'll talk to her."

"All right."

"See you later."

They kissed briefly, and Lily stood. "I hope it goes well."

"So do I," James answered to an empty room. For once, he didn't really know what to say to his girlfriend. There was nothing she didn't know, or hadn't guessed. Julia wasn't stupid: how would she take this?

James shouldn't have postponed this break-up for so long, he knew. He should have done it the moment Lily had entered his office – what was it, two months ago, maybe less?

He knew their relationship had been inevitable, inescapable. He just had to convince Julia of that.

.................................................

I'm there at your side, a part of all the things that you are

But you've got a part of someone else – you've got to go find your own shining star

Where are you now that I need you? Tears in my pillow, wherever you go

I'll cry me a river that leads to you ocean…

Destiny's Child, "Emotions"

.................................................

Julia had made a mistake. Well, she'd made many mistakes, but trusting James had been her biggest one yet: of course he wouldn't manage to spend one week away from Lily! Sure, Julia had needed this time with her family to think things through, but he… he had stayed with her. Now, the damned viper had been let in too far.

Julia had lost him for good. He thought he was happy with Lily. He felt loved. He had forgotten his girlfriend, the one girl who had been with him through thick and thin. She hadn't abandoned him like Lily.

None of that mattered to him, and Julia just couldn't accept that.

She felt sick and dizzy. Lily had disappeared, but James still paid no attention to Julia. He was far too busy with their friends, obviously talking about Lily and how perfect the couple was… Had everyone forgotten the birthday girl existed? It certainly seemed so. How long would this torture last? What would he tell Julia after the party?

It just didn't work out between us, probably. It's not you – it's me. She already knew that much. Julia had done nothing wrong… He had simply had enough. He wanted more: he wanted Lily…

I'm with someone else. James couldn't even say he'd met another girl; Lily had been there first. Nevertheless, she had no right to steal him away like that. She didn't deserve him. Julia couldn't let go of the man she loved so easily – she wouldn't.

"Julia, are you okay?" Leylann asked suddenly, staring at the birthday girl with concern.

She turned to look at Lily's best friend, her stomach sinking further. Did Julia have to count on these people to be there for her? All her friends knew Lily and James… No one would support her. She had to find a way –

"No, I'm not," Julia heard herself saying. "I've been sick all week."

Surprise flickered in Leylann's eyes. The Healer instincts in her began processing the information; Julia could feel the skilled gaze taking in the ashen colour of her skin, her pained facial expression, the feverish grit in her stare…

Leylann remembered Julia hadn't drunk anything since the party had begun. No… This couldn't be happening, could it?

"Julia," she said, her voice noticeably, nervously lower, "are you –"

She sighed, and didn't answer.

Leylann closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. The effects of this could be devastating, or minimal. Everything depended on decisions of both Julia and James. How would Lily take it if – oh, Merlin, Lily…

"I need to talk to James," Julia said resolutely, turning away from Leylann. "Don't you dare say anything –" her voice quivered a bit, "to either of them."

The Healer nodded absent-mindedly, too busy looking around for her best friend. Lily needed to know this right now.

.................................................

J'irai chercher ton coeur si tu l'emportes ailleurs

Même si, dans tes danses, d'autres dansent tes heures

J'irai chercher ton âme dans les froids, dans les flames

Je te jetterai des sorts, pour que tu m'aimes encore

Fallait pas commencer, m'attirer, me toucher

Fallait pas tant donner – moi, je sais pas jouer…

Celine Dion, "Pour que tu m'aimes encore"

.................................................

A/N Okay, you can kill me now. I'm so, so sorry! I got caught up – so much has happened – well, I'm sorry. In the end, I didn't even like the way this chapter turned out, but I knew I'd be lynched if I had to rewrite it and everything. Ah, well.

Okay, so, since last chapter, my story did get deleted from fanfiction.net. I have definitely joined The Great Break. We're working on a new, better archive, and that's that. If you have a LiveJournal, come join our community!

I hope to upload two or three before HBP comes out, but I won't make any promises. Thanks for all the reviews, guys! See you soon.

-Chris

21. And so it is...

Hopelessly Addicted

Chapter 21

"And so it is..."

.................................................

Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are (...)

Summer has come and past; the innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends...

Green Day, "Wake Me Up When September Ends"

.................................................

"James, have you seen Lily?"

He glanced at Leylann half-dazedly. "She's already left."

She let out an exasperated sigh, knowing he wasn't paying full attention. What was he thinking about? Indeed, what was he thinking, getting Julia pregnant and shagging Lily on the side? James was stupid, stupid, stupid – inconsequential as it was –, and so outrageously irritating... He was about to break Lily's heart again; did he have any idea?

If not, Leylann didn't want to be the one to give him the bad news. Let him face Julia – let him deal with the situation as he wished. On the other hand, Lily had to be informed. It was imperative, urgent; how would she react? Perhaps it would be better to have James tell her, but no; they were both overly emotionally involved.

Leylann needed to think, think... Knowing James, he'd take full responsibility and marry the pregnant girl. She groaned, massaged her aching temple, and felt sadness overcoming her for what was about to happen.

James was giving her a weird look; she avoided meeting his eyes and Disapparated. It was impolite, she knew; Leylann didn't really care. Lily, Lily... where could she be? Her first guess was home – her own apartment, that is, not James', for obvious reasons. Then she'd go to the office, and perhaps Valerie's... No, she was bound to be at the office.

James knew where Lily had gone, of course, but Leylann hadn't exactly asked him. He went to the kitchen to get something to drink, wondering how, exactly, he would tell Julia he didn't love her anymore. It wasn't as if he never had – actually, that was precisely what it was.

He sighed. He couldn't dump all this on her, not out of the blue. On the other hand, she was perceptive enough to notice something the whole wizarding world took for granted: Lily and James were married and in love.

People made small talk with him; James answered mechanically, his brain working at full-speed. It wasn't Julia's fault; she had done nothing wrong. She didn't deserve this – she didn't deserve him.

"Hey," he breathed out when Julia entered, taking him by surprise. It was a decent start, he figured. Did she already know what was coming? Could she tell from the empty looks, the nervous fidgeting with the dishrag?

"Hey."

Julia seemed calm, surprisingly so; James was relieved... or maybe not. That meant she hadn't realised what was about to happen. Not even the heartless bastard who parades his marriage right in front of me, she'd figured, would end our relationship on my birthday. Well, she was wrong. He felt even guiltier now.

"We need to talk."

She acquiesced. "Yes. We do."

He almost raised an eyebrow, almost asked her to react properly. This wasn't standard Julia behaviour – sweet, emotive, caring Julia...

"I think –"

"I'm pregnant," she interrupted him abruptly with a half-smile. She expected no delighted reaction, it seemed; it was a fact of life, a simple, trivial fact, with predictable consequences. It was an invisible punch in the stomach; he nearly doubled over, feeling an exquisite, steely pain.

.................................................

Who made up all the rules? We follow them like fools

Believe them to be true; don't care to think them through

And I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry it's like this

I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry we do this...

Jem, "They"

.................................................

James was numb, stunned, and uncomprehending. What had just happened? Ten seconds ago, he'd been worrying about how to break up with Julia in a not-so-cruel way. What, how, why had this happened?

Oh, he knew how. Even in his current mind-boggled state, James wasn't entirely stupid. He didn't remember any occasion when they'd forgotten the Infertility Charm, but did it even matter now? He had to make a choice. He had to decide what he was going to do about it, and it would change his life for good.

A child wasn't like any other temporary relationship. James knew he would never want he or she to grow up without his constant presence. He was also sure that he didn't want to lose Lily; he didn't want to keep Julia. She wouldn't be a burden if Lily weren't in the picture, of course... Nothing could restore that balance, now that his wife was back.

"What – what can I –"

"James," Julia said soberly, boring into his eyes with bothersome certitude. Should he cling to her, now that his confusion was overwhelming? He couldn't; she would never understand... "I have no one's support. My mother knows about your marriage with Lily; she considers this a child born out of wedlock, a shameful thing. I can't –" she almost sobbed, "do this on my own. You know that."

He did know. Julia wasn't strong enough to go on with this alone, and he couldn't possibly ask it of her. But Lily, what about Lily?

"I – I have to – think –" he stuttered, avoiding her eyes, cringing inside, life and determination flowing out of him more and more every second. "I need time to think..."

Julia shook her head. "Your child needs a father!"

"But –"

"There are no buts, James!" her exclamation bordered on pure hysteria. James was trapped inside a nightmare, terror-struck, helplessly cornered. He wasn't old enough to have a child. He wanted to have fun; he didn't want to be tied to Julia forever – not Julia!

She looked angry, perhaps disappointed. He couldn't deal with her wacky hormones at the moment. Lily, he needed Lily. She would sort this out; she would tell him everything was going to be all right, wouldn't she? She had to!

Lily was – where again? He'd forgotten. Ah, yes, she'd gone to her old apartment in Paris. He ignored Julia and Disapparated, much like Leylann had done, instantly arriving at the front door. He hadn't given the location half a thought; he remembered it at once. Perhaps it was one of those little magic events that happened when wizards were in trouble; perhaps sheer instinct had guided him to Lily.

Yeah, great! Now James was becoming melodramatic, on top of it all. The thought of losing Lily was unbearable, ever-present. The enormity of the fact itself – he was about to have a child – shocked him much less than what her reaction would be, and what he would have to do now.

James knew that he couldn't possibly break up with Lily. Unless she showed him another option, however, that was precisely what he had to do now.

.................................................

Every time you speak her name

Does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you die?

But you're still alive! And I'm here to remind you

Of the mess you left when you ran away

It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta know...

Alanis Morisette, "You Oughta Know"

.................................................

James rang once, twice; no one answered. It was well past midnight, but he hadnÕt remembered to check his watch. Where was Lily? He considered entering the apartment anyway, and Apparated at once.

All lights were off. There were a few boxes here and there, bags, trunks, children's stuff – James felt a strange pang, like an unpleasant memory trying to come through – it didn't make sense; Julia's pregnancy was all he could think of, really. Huddled in a corner was the confused shape of a kneeling woman; it was Lily.

"Leylann sent me an owl," she announced unnecessarily, glancing at him. He could see it in her eyes; yet again, he was causing her pain. Lily knew James had made his choice, even if he didn't. She knew him; she knew him...

"I didn't –"

"I know you didn't," she intervened impatiently. "But you did."

"Lily, I –"

"Will you bother arguing, James? You know what you want to do, even though you really wish you didn't..."

He gave her a frail smile. "This would probably be easier if you didn't know me that well."

She bit her lip and dodged his apologising, pleading eyes. "Right."

"I can't," he stated firmly, staring at the wall ahead and sitting beside her. Something steely in his eyes melted; his gaze bled, froze, cut through her own.

She shrugged blankly. Lily's heightened defences and forced self-control revealed more than her hidden tears. "You will – again."

"It's different, this time. I don't want to leave you."

Lily laughed humourlessly, a dry, nervous cackle. Life was a joke – this situation was a prank – he was the only one who still hadn't caught on. "You wanted to leave me back then? That's... good to know, James, really. I didn't; I still don't. But you've always seemed to deal with this sort of thing better than I."

"You know that's not true. It's something – beyond our will, this time."

"Sure. It feels familiar, though, doesn't it? Only – there won't be another chance for us this time. It's for good. Last time, I promised I'd return..."

"This time, you're promising not to?" James asked, lips ironically twisted – no one would call that a smile. "It's beyond our will, remember? I may divorce one day; we'll meet... Well, who knows? I'm not saying I won't come back to you, that's all."

She laughed again, mocking him, her spiteful eyes disdaining his ridiculous position. Lily hated him right now, more than anyone could have – and to this he clung fiercely; this situation had broken her, changed her. She still loved him. "I wondered if we'd ever learn – if I would ever learn... We'd inevitably get hurt again."

"We're not meant to be, are we?" he demanded, his voice quivering with caustic, white-hot pain. Lily wanted to show him how hurt she was. So be it; James would do the same. She'd cried all her tears, it seemed; he had yet to shed his, far from her.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I just – didn't think it would happen so soon. I didn't even know if I'd be able to leave you again."

"Well, you're pretty good at it. We seem to enjoy leaving precisely when it hurts us the most."

She frowned, unsure of herself, desperately wanting to be strong and not knowing how to go about it. "How will you deal with this?"

James smiled. "I didn't, last time, and look where it got me... I know how to get rid of this as well as you do. That is, I don't."

"You do realise we'll still be seeing each other every day at work, right?"

"Hmm, yes. That should be lovely."

Lily leaned against the wall, closing her eyes. James knew what was going on in her mind – thoughts, regrets, longings – and felt sorry, desperately sorry. This was his fault, again; he brushed his fingers against Lily's cheek almost in a reflex. He wanted to tell her everything was going to be all right...

"Stop!" she exclaimed suddenly, glowering. "Do you want to see me miserable? James, do you need to see me crying around the corners for some twisted reason of your own? Are you sadistic enough to demand despair as proof of my love for you? Isn't it enough to know I'm – I'm –"

James examined her sadly. He could identify and understand the transition going on in Lily's mind; he read it in her eyes – furious, hollow, hurt, desperately neutral. He knew she was about to cry, but she didn't want him to see it, Merlin knew why.

He knew she was vulnerable. He knew he'd completely shattered her illusion of control. Restraining her appearance, how far he could see her pain, was all she could try to do. He wasn't sadistic enough to appreciate her pain; it was too close to him; it hurt; this was James at his most masochistic.

Oh, there she went again. With a supreme effort, Lily had once more mastered herself. When she spoke, James already knew that she wouldn't mean whatever it was that she was going to say, or the tone with which she said it. It still hurt; it made him wonder just how many years of her otherwise good life Lily had wasted with a bastard who always broke her heart in the end.

"I suppose we need to file for divorce," she stated, taking a deep breath and staring at her left hand. "I'll do that first thing Monday morning. I'll find some kind of excuse; it shouldn't be too hard. We'll have to tell the press, too."

"We will."

"I suppose you'll... want this back?" Lily asked, nodding towards the wedding band.

He shook his head firmly. "No. It's yours – has been for a long time."

"Can you leave?"

"Yes, I suppose that's better."

Lily nodded, avoiding his eyes again. What was she thinking now? Did she simply need some space to cry, to punish herself for being foolhardy enough to fall for James again – for still loving a guy like him, despite everything?

He stood. "You know, I came here hoping you'd offer me an alternative."

"What, you wanted me to say you could continue cheating on Julia?" she sighed. "I would do so, really, but... no. I could never be your 'other woman' – not you, not after all this."

"You would never be the 'other one'," James replied lamely. "She would, no matter what the rest of the world thinks."

"And that's not fair for her, now is it?" Lily's cynical laugh made him frown. "She must've had a hard time getting pregnant despite your carefulness. It's only fair you reward her accordingly."

"What? You think she –"

She rolled her eyes. "Please. Of course she did it on purpose."

James had not thought of that. He hadn't had time to think it through; now, however, he realised that this theory made perfect sense.

"It doesn't change a thing, though. She played dirty, I guess, but she does get to keep you."

James surveyed his soon-to-be ex-wife's facial expression with disgust. He hated himself for this; he'd never forgive Julia; he regretted everything, everything... If Lily had remained in France, he wouldn't have been as happy, but she wouldn't have been as hurt.

Had it been worth it?

"I wish you'd never come back," he muttered bitterly, meaning every word. "I wish I'd never laid eyes on you again. Now that everything is said and done, however, I only wish you deal with this mess better than I will."

Lily acquiesced.

"If you need me, Lily–"

"I won't."

"All right, then."

Suddenly, Lily found herself alone again. It was a new, cold anxiety creeping in, suffocating her, and she hated it.

.................................................

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away

Now, it looks as though they're here to stay (...)

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play

Now, I need a place to hide away

Oh, I believe in yesterday...

The Beatles, "Yesterday"

.................................................

The sound of the door opening startled Sirius; he looked away from the girl in his arms to see his best friend's silhouette. It was grave, crestfallen. Sirius held his breath for a second, closed his eyes – not again, not when everything seemed to be working! –, and didn't hesitate.

"I have to talk to James," he muttered, disentangling himself from Karen. No one, least of all this girl, whom he'd only been seeing for a week or two, would prevent him from finding out what had happened. In truth, Sirius didn't really want to know. Things had been perfectly fine the way they were...

She seemed offended, and threw James an indignant glare. He didn't shrug it off as usual, but didn't bother acting apologetic. He simply absorbed the feeling – it was one of those the-world-hates-me moods Sirius abhorred.

After a moment's angry realisation – Sirius wouldn't get back to what they'd been doing; he definitely wanted her to leave –, Karen collected her clothes and strode into the bathroom, slamming the door.

James stared uninterestedly ahead. "I'm sorry to have interrupted," he began, with a strange kind of humour that was entirely lost on Sirius.

"What happened?"

James sighed and closed his eyes. It was hard for him to put it into words; it made everything much worse – so real... "Julia's pregnant."

Sirius' tone was almost bored, as if he'd been expecting this predictable turn of events. "And you decided to be responsible about it and leave Lily."

He nodded, trying too hard to seem dignified and sacrificial. He wanted pity, perhaps. Well, he wouldn't get any. Sirius felt an angry turmoil inside him; but that could be merely a selfish feeling – after all, who wanted to deal with miserable, heartbroken James again?

"Fuck, James! How bloody stupid are you?"

He grimaced. "It was a bad decision, you think?"

"Come on, Prongs – this is entirely unnecessary. Give the kid some money, see him on weekends, but you don't have to waste your entire life because of that!"

"I couldn't live with myself if I did that. You know that I–"

"You know what will end up happening," Sirius interrupted him levelly.

"No. I don't."

Sirius raised a sceptic eyebrow, but instantly realised what James' point would be. "But now youÕve seen Lily. Now you do want to be with her. It won't be like before!"

"It can very well be."

As his friend, Sirius probably had to support James' choice; as Prongs' best friend, Padfoot couldn't fail to express his annoyance, and repeatedly hit James over the head with it.

Sirius wanted to punch James, make him realise how utterly unreasonable his decision was, but he knew he wouldn't succeed. Prongs was stubborn, he told himself sadly; he would never listen.

"If you want sympathy, Prongs, go talk to Peter, or Remus," he said tiredly. "You're a daft prick for insisting on this."

James could've asked why Sirius was acting so harsh; he could've complained and argued that his friends were supposed to be helpful in times like this. Nevertheless, he knew that Sirius would be there for him, eventually – but, right now, he had to make a point. No one else would put it so bluntly.

And James wanted to accept his suggestion, he really did. He just... couldn't.

"I don't want sympathy, but I hate myself enough for this. I don't really need to be lectured."

Sirius shrugged. They were silent for a while; suddenly, he said, "All right. So we're not blaming Julia for this, aye?"

"No. It's entirely my fault."

"Prongs, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but –"

One glance at James' facial expression made Sirius change his mind. He could never remain angry with his friends for too long. In the end, he was a softie inside. And he did pity the poor guy.

"Good luck, mate."

.................................................

Get the hell out of this town; find some conversation

The low-fuel lights been on for days; it doesn't mean anything (...)

We'll never have to listen to anyone about anything

'Cause it's all been done, and it's all been said

We're the coolest kids and we take what we can get...

Brand New, "Soco Amaretto Lime"

.................................................

The room was dark when Lily Apparated, but it didn't take her long to identify Leylann sitting on the main couch. It took the brunette only a glance to realise what had happened; she'd been expecting it and fearing it, much like Lily herself.

"Oh," Leylann said, less eloquently than she would have hoped. She never knew what to say in these situations; past experience indicated that Lily preferred to be left alone, but perhaps things would be different this time.

"You don't have to –" Lily waved vaguely towards herself, her trembling hand reflecting what little light came from the hallways. The gestured denied itself; Lily did need support; why else would she have come here, of all places?

Leylann wasn't sure she knew how to deal with this. Naturally, she'd done her share of helping –girlfriends who'd –been dumped, but nothing this... extreme.

"How was it?"

"Pretty good, actually," Lily shrugged. "We've broken up. You know."

Leylann nodded. Of course she wouldn't ask how Lily was, or anything self-evident of the sort. How should she act? She had no idea; she never did, actually. Each break-up was different, had its own depressing peculiarities... It was often better just to be there.

"It was bound to happen," Lily breathed out, sitting on the sofa, gazing ahead with a strange mix of bravery and nonchalant fatalism. "I knew it; I've always known it; why was I so surprised?"

They were silent. Leylann conjured two mugs of steaming hot tea, and waved her hand over them – the peculiar kind of small wandless magic all wizards were capable of doing -, cooling the drink.

"You would much rather lose him – in a different way, I guess?" Leylann prodded gently. "The fact that itÕs Julia makes it much worse.Ó

"Does it?"

Lily sipped her tea, trying to examine herself from a careful distance. Was she jealous of Julia? Did she resent her former friend intensively enough to hate her? It wasn't hard to find an answer. Yes.

But why else would she have lost James? They loved each other. They wouldn't have broken up otherwise; he had asked her to move in with him, for heaven's sake! It was useless to wonder why she had to lose him – she just did. She'd done something wrong from the start.

They had been wrong. They shouldn't have done all that; she knew it now. This mess with Julia wouldn't have happened, for one...

"Yes," she mused out loud, not entirely aware that Leylann hadn't followed her trail of thought. "See, it would have happened anyway, somehow, eventually. But I do hate her. I hate her for doing this consciously. I hate her for ruining my life with James on a whim. I had no idea that Julia would be so vindictive. I thought she was... meek."

"She is. But – well, you kind of pushed her limits, Lily."

"Oh, yes. I was wrong. It doesn't mean I'm not supposed to feel miserable, does it?"

"Of course not."

Lily slid to the floor and hugged her knees, burying her face in her arms. Her voice sounded muffled; she seemed about to cry; it had taken her long enough.

"I'm supposed to mention that I miss James' strong, comforting arms right about now, right?"

Leylann smiled.

"Well, I do, but I don't feel as awful as I thought I would."

"I know."

Silence again. Lily thought about everything that had happened so far; she knew – she was absolutely certain that her mood would worsen later. She was still startled; the night's events hadn't sunk in properly yet.

She didn't need to glance up at her friend to know her facial expression: Leylann was concerned. She'd help Lily, even though the latter had often ignored her in the past few days. A sudden pang of guilt overcame the redhead; she had neglected her friends because of a guy who'd already broken up with her.

Where was Valerie? She'd been staying at Leylann's – so had Gin, actually -, and Lily hadn't even bothered to ask...

She looked at the hallway; the lights seemed be coming from her room. Valerie was probably staying there. She'd want to know what had happened, too...

Lily would have plenty of support. This wouldn't be too hard.

"Leylann?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

.................................................

I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose

My heart is under arrest again, but I'll break loose (...)

Has someone taken your faith? It's real, the pain you feel

The life, the love, you die to heal; the hope that starts the broken hearts

You trust – you must confess...

Foo Fighters, "Best of You"

.................................................

It had been hard to decide whether or not to come to the office. Ordinarily, James wouldn't have hesitated; it was the best place to think during weekends and late at night. The familiar lonely environment helped him concentrate and think properly. The problem was that Lily thought so, too, and he could run into her here.

She could assume that he would go and not do so, of course. Or she could think that he would think that she would be there and not go, so she would be able to. Or he could stop conjecturing and take the chance of meeting her. It wouldn't be that awful, James reasoned, ignoring how much he truly dreaded the possibility.

He had quickly decided not to speak to Julia again tonight – she certainly thought that he needed this time to cope with the news – and leave. Naturally, there was someone at the office when James Apparated.

It didn't take him long, however, to realise that it wasn't Lily, but Fabian. He was busily stirring a potion, and barely looked up when the Chief Auror entered.

"What are you doing here?" James asked, genuinely surprised. None of his colleagues – other than Lily, of course - had ever had the habit of working until late at night.

"Working," Fabian replied curtly. It was evident that James wasn't the only one having a bad day. He decided to ignore his own predicament for a while and find out what Fabian was going through; perhaps it would help, even. What good could come of constant sulking?

"What's wrong?"

"I – had a fight with Gideon, nothing serious."

James sat at the front desk, suddenly unwilling to work. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"I don't mind." Fabian sighed, and kneeled beside the steaming cauldron. "I just – ugh. I hate arguing with him. We're so different, but we know each other unnervingly well... We always say too much."

James nodded understandingly; he hated arguing with Sirius, too.

"We're arguing about whose turn was it to do the dishes, you know – and it's nothing bad, for Merlin's sake, it's just a bloody spell, and suddenly he hates my girlfriend, we're complaining about things that had happened years ago, and Dad, and-" he sighed again. "I was upset, that's all."

"I see."

"So what about you?"

James shrugged. "The usual," he replied with a hint of a smile. "Found out my girlfriend's pregnant, just broke up with my wife."

Fabian stared at him for a few seconds, stunned. "What? You and Lily – oh."

"I'll live."

"Of course you'll live; how you'll do that is what concerns me. Bloody hell," he muttered darkly, frowning.

James suddenly remembered that Fabian had shared much of his misery a few years ago, mourning over Amelia Bones – married to another man, and later expecting a child. It was a different situation, of course, but even though Fabian and Lily didn't get along particularly well, James knew that Prewett truly sympathised with his current situation.

"We'll need to find a replacement for her," James said quietly. "I have to talk to Dumbledore."

Fabian nodded. He wasn't part of the Order, but all the other members of the team were, and depended on the Hogwarts Headmaster's approval before adding anyone to the group.

They were silent for a few minutes; the youngest Prewett added a sickly green powder to the potion – James knew what it was, but couldn't be bothered to concentrate -, and busied himself with it for a while.

"Damn!" Fabian exclaimed out of the blue, clear worry and revolt in his pale brown eyes.

James then realised that he didn't want pity. He was sad, yes, but hated to see others being careful around him, as if afraid that he would break down any time. He needed anger; he needed to cling to the certainly that this situation was unfair; he needed loud cursing, kicking things, and blasphemy-inducing rage. He didn't deserve it; he really didn't.

Of course guilt had long since begun creeping in; it was only natural. Had it all been his fault? If he'd done things differently – if only he'd broken up with Julia the moment Lily had come to London...

"Playing what-if is really quite worthless," Fabian shrugged, knowing that look on James' face all too well. "You should know better."

"Do you?"

He nodded. "I have my moments, but –,yes. I do. It's a waste of time."

"Oh, that, I know." James laughed throatily. "It's just... Fabian, I really thought things would work this time. I don't want to spend my entire life with a woman I don't love – not when I could've been with Lily. And I miss her already; she'll have someone else soon, or, even worse, she'll be depressed and suffer for a long time because of me. Do you want me to accept this fate quietly?"

Fabian didn't answer.

"I'm ranting; I'm sorry." He sighed. "I'll be upstairs if you want anything."

.................................................

Baby, I've been here before

I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor

You know, I used to live alone before I knew you

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch

But love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah...

Jeff Buckley, "Hallelujah"

.................................................

"And then, of course, he got fired – and ended up moving to another state," Virginia finished, grinning. "Everyone despised the jerk because of what he did to me."

The girls laughed. Lily was lying with her head in Valerie's lap; Leylann and Virginia took turns bashing mankind for the soon-to-be-former Mrs. Potter's benefit.

"Men are despicable creatures," Valerie said incisively, not for the first time. "How dare he?"

"Did you consider forgiving him?" Leylann, out of mere curiosity; she had lost contact with Virginia over the years and, now that the New Yorker was around, it was important to get to know her as well as possible.

"I did. I really liked him back then, but – I just couldn't. She was my boss, for Merlin's sake! And he did it so that he would get promoted instead of me!"

She wasn't pretty, Leylann thought suddenly. No, Gin was plain in every way possible – pleasantly so, perhaps, but there was nothing extraordinary about her. What did Remus see in her? She hadn't had much to do with him back when the two of them had dated, and Leylann definitely didn't see anything coming out of the old flame now.

Gin was too – shallow wasn't the proper word – the closest thing Leylann could think of was 'un-Remus-ish.' Yes, that neologism said it all; the girl seemed to lack... humanity. It was, of course, impossible for someone to be as utterly human as Moony; he incarnated the race's every weakness, every irrational strength.

Valerie stroked Lily's hair with a small, worried smile. It wasn't hard to understand what she was wondering: was this conversation upsetting Lily – rubbing salt in the wound, so to speak? Leylann didn't think so. She'd felt that kind of pain, and she was certain that many friends bubbling around would only help (for now).

Leylann knew Lily well enough to perceive that the break-up hadn't sunk in yet. The girl was trying to put off dealing with that mess of feelings – undoubtedly already threatening to drown her, pull her down...

The resolution wouldn't last long. Being around people forced her to keep up the act for longer; Leylann wondered if she should ask the other two to leave Lily alone for the moment.

"Valerie, you haven't said anything," Gin noted, looking at the French girl.

"I – don't have much to say," Valerie replied, her accent seeming much worse now. It was a dead-on telltale sign of her nervousness, Leylann knew; she was about to interrupt, when Lily's gaze locked with hers.

Let her be, the green eyes seemed to ordain. She needs this.

Leylann could never understand why she always obeyed Lily so promptly. It was almost instinctive; if the matter was important, Lily invariably took the lead. Plus, Leylann tended to make all the wrong decisions in situations like these.

"I've been talking about me for a long time! It's your turn, come on."

"I – er –"

Valerie hesitated, tugged her hair behind her ear, frowned; she had several interesting stories of past relationships, but it was obvious that all she could remember was her Bernard, her last boyfriend: wonderful, gorgeous, jealous, and abusive.

Finally, she spoke. "I have this guy, Charles – we haven't dated in years, but we're still sort of involved. In a way," she added, after noticing Lily's stupefied stare. "I mean, I broke up with him, and I know we can't be together, but –"

Valerie shrugged. Lily waited.

"I just can't rule out being with him for the time being. I need time to – heal."

"Have you talked to him lately?" Leylann asked; she barely knew Lily's French friend, but her intuition was honed enough to understand what was happening here.

Valerie nodded. "I saw him this afternoon."

Lily didn't seem surprised; she merely looked at the girl inquisitively, and Valerie complied.

"We didn't – well, we went out with his son and the kid's potential girlfriend."

"How did that go?"

"We got along better than usual – the boy and I, that is. I'd forgotten how disastrous teenage dating is!" she laughed. "I gave him several tips, and he was surprisingly thankful. I thought he'd hate me for saying it, but it wasn't bad at all."

"I would've hated it if one of Dad's girlfriends gave me any tips," Leylann muttered, old memories resurfacing. "But then again, I never liked any of them."

"He likes me well enough; he just doesn't want another mother."

"And you understand that."

"Of course." Valerie sighed. "I sometimes wish I didn't, but I agree with him more often than not. I want to be with Charles, but – it would be too complicated! Plus, he doesn't want to."

"Do you think that if–"

"Hey," called out a new female voice, approaching from the hallway.

Lily immediately sat up straight, her eyes sizzling with angry anticipation.

What on earth was Julia doing here?

.................................................

I've played all my cards, and that's what you've done, too

Nothing more to say – no more ace to play

The winner takes it all, the loser standing small

Beside the victory, that's her destiny...

ABBA, "The Winner Takes It All"

.................................................

The girl had once been more than welcome in their little circle; there was a time when Leylann, Lily, and Julia had been the best of friends. Obviously, things had changed; at the moment, Julia was probably the person everyone there least expected to see.

She seemed uncomfortable – good. Julia was the minority here. Everyone regarded her with open hostility.

"Lily, can I talk to you for a second?"

The redhead wordlessly stood and followed Julia into the living room. What did the girl want? What in Merlin's name did she expect from a confrontation with Lily?

It was still dark; Julia switched on the nearest lamp and walked to the dark blue couch. Lily sat in front of her, waiting.

Julia seemed torn between wailing and punching her, perhaps leaning towards the latter. "What you did to me..." she began, her voice broken and sharp. "It wasn't right."

Lily remained calm, strangely so; she felt detached, more curious about Julia's motives than anything. "No, it wasn't."

"I love him."

She nodded. "I know. So do I."

"Well, I'll keep him."

"Good for you."

Julia frowned. "I mean it."

Lily leaned back on the couch and yawned. "Of course you do; who's saying otherwise?"

"You are!"

She paused. "I am?"

"Yes! You're always sarcastic and embittered! You act as if you're the victim, instead of me!" Julia replied at once.

"Hm." Lily thought about it for a few moments. "You're right."

"I kno–"

"But," she continued, "all things considered, you won the dispute, not I. All that's left for me is a divorce certificate. Have you thought of it that way, Jules?"

She was offended, outraged. "I'm pregnant!"

Lily shrugged. "And you're going to marry a great guy because of that – exclusively because of that," she added with a ferocious smirk. "I don't know why you decided to do it; I would've thought you'd value a loving, reciprocated relationship –"

"James does love me," she interrupted, glowering. "I don't understand what you've done to his head, how you've seduced him and whatnot, but he does!"

Julia was categorically delusional; it was useless to argue now. Lily felt tired, immensely tired; it was pathetic that she should be defeated by her; it made little sense, and, in a way, that justified everything.

When had they made sense? When had James' presence in her life allowed her to think properly?

"Why are you here?" Lily asked. She didn't want to know anymore; the safe predictability of hiding alone in a room and staying up all night seemed much more appealing.

Julia fidgeted with her hair, not knowing what to say. She looked small, Lily thought, small and defenceless. Some nostalgic memories of times when they'd been friends resurfaced; no, Lily didn't hate her – in fact, she pitied this lame rival of hers.

"Are you leaving?" Julia blurted out suddenly.

Lily stared at her, confused.

"The – London, I mean," she stuttered. "You're not going to keep working with him, are you?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

In truth, Lily hadn't given the matter much thought. Sure, it would be awful to continue seeing James, but perhaps it was for the best. They did work well together. Would it be worth it?

One thing was certain: she didn't want to return to France. She belonged here, in the British Ministry, regardless of its many idiosyncrasies.

"It doesn't matter," Julia said hurriedly, seeming anxious to leave. She stood up and straightened her robes; Lily remained seated, staring ahead and thinking. "I should go."

The girl walked away; the door slammed shut.

Lily thought of the girls worriedly waiting for her in the bedroom. She didn't want to talk to them, discuss the break-up or avoid mentioning it in such an obvious way that it made the situation even more pressing in her mind. She wanted to be alone, toss-and-turn, think things over – she needed space.

The thought of going to the office crossed her mind, but she quickly dismissed it. James was probably there, after all. She had to go somewhere else – the Leaky, perhaps.

Lily Disapparated. Her friends would understand.

.................................................

And so it is, just like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze, most of the time

And so it is, the colder water, the blower's daughter, the pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you; I can't take my eyes off you...

Damien Rice, "The Blower's Daughter"

.................................................

.................................................

A/N Right. I'm sorry it took me so long, once more... But anyway! Only one more chapter to go! I'm actually relieved that this fic is ending – I've had it for about a year now, andÉ well, the plot's almost over. :)

The beta version of our new archive is up – go check it out at unknowableroom.org.

See you!

-Chris