Tentatively

Peccavi

Rating: G
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 07/11/2004
Last Updated: 09/01/2005
Status: completed

The tentative process of laying your heart on the line and convincing her to give you a chance.

Chapters

1. Tentatively

1. Tentatively

Tentatively

Originally written for the third contest held by Quills and Spills

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Madam Pince is going to kill us. Harry Potter mused as he surveyed his surrounding. Books of all sizes laid discarded carelessly around him from his earlier activity of finding something interesting to read. He had pulled out book after book with interesting titles only to find that nearly all of them had been related to potions, his least favorite class. Now the books had piled up and surrounded him to create a sort of wall that prevented him from fully stretching out his legs.

Tired, he rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn. Even he had a limit to the amount of time he spent in a library on a snowy Saturday.

Harry groaned as he felt his legs grow stiff when he shifted his legs. Wonderful, his legs had to go numb just when he decided to clean up this mess. A sigh escaped his lips. Oh well, he did attempt to do the right thing. It’s the thought that counts anyway. He leaned back and ran a hand through his messy black hair.

“Harry, get off. You’re heavy.” A voice stated behind him.

He glanced behind him at Hermione Granger, Head Girl extraordinaire who was currently poured over the text in front of her. Grinning, his green eyes narrowed playfully as he leaned back further so that she was hunched over more. Growling, she pushed back until she was sitting upright again and fixed him with a stern look. He smiled cheekily in return.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Oh grow up.” She said and turned back to her book. “You can go if you’re really that bored. No one’s making you stay.”

“Not without you.” Harry replied. “I told you that I’d stay with you for the day and I will. If I die from boredom, it’s over your head.” She snorted at this and continued to read, ignoring her friend who was growing desperate to get out of there with her. Hermione supposed that this would be considered cute since here was the great Harry Potter, lightly tugging on a piece of her hair for attention. A small smile crept its way on her face, one that didn’t go unnoticed by a pair of green eyes.

“C’mon, you know I’m right, Hermione.” Harry tugged on her hair again, absently noting how it accentuated her face quite nicely. He never knew what had caused her to suddenly grow her hair out but it wasn’t really so important that he had to mention it. Flowing out in soft waves, he couldn’t help but notice how much prettier she’s become. She seems so much older. He thought idly before continuing to beg.

“Please?”

Still adamant about finishing up on her research, she simply turned the page.

He growled and promptly turned around. “You know, I get enough neglect from the Dursleys,” He stated sulkily. “I don’t need it from you.”

Harry heard a sigh escape her lips and for one glorious moment, thought that he’d finally worn her down. Of course, then she had leaned on him further and continued reading which thwarted his hopes. Mumbling to himself, he decided to put the books back on the bottom shelf while the blood started to rush back to his legs.

He was careful not to reach too far in case the girl leaning on his back would slip. Don’t want her to bite my head off for losing her page. He thought. Harry managed to clear away one section and happily took full advantage of the new space to stretch out his limbs.

Hermione chuckled. “You’re just like Crookshanks, such a lazy boy.” She teased.

“Until your cat can play quidditch and win three House Cups, never compare me to him.” He replied, making a face. She paused for a beat before nodded in agreement. Satisfied with winning one over her, he turned back to the task at hand. After shuffling a few books around, one in particular caught his eye.

It was a fairly old book with yellow pages and worn edges. There was a feather engraved in gold on the burgundy cover, reminding him of the house of Gryffindor. Curious, he opened the book and settled to browse through it for a while. Soon he because deeply engrossed and leaned back into Hermione.

“Beasts of Magic.” She felt more than heard the words as the tremor of his deep voice echo in his body as he read the title out loud. Hermione regarded him out of the corner of her eyes to see her friend looking through a book. She let out a small sigh, relieved that Harry’s attention had been diverted. Maybe now she could get something done.

The Phoenix: A mythical bird that never dies, it is widely known for its brilliant scarlet and gold feathers and healing tears. No phoenix has ever lived less than five hundred years nor has more than one existed in the same time period...

So Fawks is the only phoenix in this time, interesting. He thought. Hagrid must really be jealous of Dumbledore for having it as a pet. A smile touched his face as he thought of how upset the man must have been. Hagrid did have the tendency to get attached to the most peculiar creatures.

Throughout history, the phoenix has been a symbol of many things. The ancient Romans believed it to have represented the idea of resurrection; of life after death. In Chinese mythology, it is a symbol of high virtue and grace, power, and prosperity.

Harry scanned the rest of the information before turning to another familiar beast.

The Griffin: A beast with the characteristics of the lion and the eagle. This noble creature has a most ferocious appearance with its powerful wings, deadly talons, and sharp eyes. In ancient times they were symbols of guardianship, protection and the retribution of justice.

He couldn’t help but smile at this. After all, the Griffin was his House creature, and Harry was definitely proud to be a Gryffindor. It was his strongest ties to his parents…and the fact that it declared him noble and brave, and courageous was also a bonus. Harry grinned a bit; he could already hear Hermione’s voice reprimanding him for his growing ego. Oh, well. Like father, like son I suppose.

He flipped through the book and came across a number of fascinating creatures that he didn’t even realize were real. He leaned back carefully so that he wouldn’t burden the girl behind him with his weight. Hey, if he had to stay there, he might as well get comfortable. Hermione felt more pressure on placed on her but it was much more carefully applied than before. It didn’t really bother her much so she shifted a little to better suit his frame on her. She heard him sigh and relax against her.

Harry’s scent slowly drifted towards her nose and she noticed, not for the first time, how soothing it was. The cologne she bought him really did do him justice; especially after he came back from a hard practice session with the team. Hermione picked up where she left off in her book, comforted with Harry’s scent and grateful that he’d decided to stay with her. Even she got lonely once in a while.

Harry landed on a page with a brilliant picture of an all too familiar beast.

The Hippogriff: These proud creatures are the only known relative to the griffin and are the offspring of a horse and a griffin.

So Buckbeak’s in this thing. He smiled at the memory of the beast. I should make a copy and show it to him later. The hippogriff had been returned to Hagrid in the six year, much to the half giant’s delight. The Order just didn’t have anyone to take care of it since Sirius… He shook his head and continued to read. He didn’t need to think about Sirius again, at least not now.

Unlike griffins, hippogriffs could be tamed and used as aerial mounts. A symbol of love, it is often found in ancient Greek art as the chariot beast, pulling lovers through the night sky.

Wait, what?!

Hermione was midway turning a page when she felt Harry stiffen and turned her head slightly to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

Jumping a little, he turned his head slightly to see her skimming over the page he had just read. “Oh, er- I was just reading about Hippogriffs and I er, I was thinking about- about Buckbeak!” He cringed inwardly as he stuttered through his lame excuse. Hermione only nodded a bit seeing as how she was reading over his shoulders. Harry suddenly caught a whiff of her light fragrance and was pleasantly surprised to find that she wore vanilla. Odd how it was his favorite scent on a girl yet he never noticed her wear it.

“Hmm, you should show this to Buckbeak,” She said lightly when she was done skimming and turned back to her book. “I’m sure he’d love seeing how he’s a published creature.” She placed her hand on the ground to shift some of her weight on it before continuing with her reading, oblivious to the boy sitting behind her with an irregular heart rate.

Didn’t she read what I read? He thought. His eyes raked over the page and fell on the tell tale line: A symbol of love…lovers through the night sky. He chanced a look back at her to see if she was affected but she was the picture of calm. Right, if she’s not giving it much thought, then neither should I. He told himself. But even as he tried to not to, he continued to watch her out of the corner of his eye. Idiot, she going to notice!

Sure enough, her inquisitive brown eyes met his. Raising an eyebrow in the universal, “Yes?” Harry colored a bit and looked away. “Er- it’s nothing.” He mumbled, running a hand through his hair. A few moments passed before he gathered enough courage to glance at her again. Due to the fact that he was just so spectacularly lucky, she was still regarding him with an expectant look.

Sighing, he felt his cheeks flame a bit more before speaking. “Well, er- you see…um, you read this page, right?”

“Well I skimmed it so yes, I suppose so.” She replied, curious to see why he was so nervous. A smile graced her lips as she noted that he looked absolutely adorable when he stumbled over his words like that. He looked back and saw her amused smile before quickly turning back.

“Right, so, er- I was wondering…um, what did you think?” He finished lamely.

Hermione tilted her head. “Think about what?”

“Um, the whole, er, love thing…” Once those words left his mouth, he held his breath. Why was he so nervous about it? This was after all, only Hermione. But even so, Harry couldn’t help calm the butterflies that refused to settle in his stomach. Stupid, this is why books are evil. They make you think too much! Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to mention it after all. Harry could just kick himself for even bringing it up when it was obvious that Hermione hadn’t even noticed.

She blinked. A pause hung between them and he felt like he could just burst from the suspense. Finally, she spoke. “I don’t understand.” Harry nearly fell over when he heard that and looked at her incredulously. “What do you mean you don’t understand?”

“I don’t get what you want my opinion about.”

“Don’t you remember our third year?”

“Well of course I do but I hardly see a connection…” She trailed off as a look of recognition flashed across her face. And she’s the brightest witch of our year. Harry thought grimly.

“Oh, I see now.” She laughed and shifted a bit on her arm. “Don’t think so much about it Harry. It really doesn’t mean much.”

Amazing, he was confused again for the second time in under a minute. That had to be some sort of record for him. “What?”

“Harry, the idea behind the Hippogriff being the symbol of love is based on a quote from Virgil’s Ecologues.” She explained with that same tone that she used that time in their fifth year when she was explaining to him the mysteries of girls. He hated that tone of hers. “The text mentioned that the Hippogriff is an offspring of a horse and a griffin. These two animals are enemies by nature. The only relationship they truly have is that of a predator to prey. The notion that they would mate is absurd and therefore, it’s the symbol of impossibility as well as love.”

She smiled at him. “So you see, there really isn’t anything to worry over. Nothing’s going to change. We’re still friends no matter what.”

A bit dazed at the explanation Harry nodded. “Of course…it was rather silly of me.” Giving her a weak smile he turned his attention back to the book. He was surprised to find himself a bit disappointed at the prospect that there was no chance of a romantic relationship developing between Hermione and himself. Stupid, she’s your best friend. He chided himself. Best friends aren’t supposed to have those thoughts about each other.

But then again, Ron had felt that way towards her in the past. Granted his chances had crashed and burned not long after that…but still. Harry tried to imagine what kind of person she would end up with in the long run and drew a blank. Well, I suppose he’d have to be real intelligent…kind and understanding, of course. He thought idly. And I guess she would like a handsome bloke to sweep her off her feet…probably someone with blue eyes and blonde hair. He thought that Hermione would like that. She’d most likely end up marrying someone of that sort later on in life and invite him and Ron to the wedding.

The idea of him standing by while Hermione promised the rest of her years to someone else struck him in such a way, that his heart constrict painfully and felt bile rise to his throat. Harry couldn’t understand where the sudden rush of jealously came from, but it was there and he knew that it was strong. It should be me that she’d pledge her life to. His heart whispered to him. No one else. His green eyes darkened at the declaration. He wouldn’t allow anyone to take Hermione away from him. They’d have to pry his cold dead body from her.

His eyes widen with realization. Oh bloody Hell.

Hermione sighed inwardly, Harry hadn’t relaxed at all. What could be wrong now? Honestly, she loved the boy to death, she really did, but this really was getting a bit ridiculous. When he was all tensed up like that, it made her tense as well since being around him for so long caused her to become a tad bit paranoid. Leaning most of her weight on her arm, her unoccupied hand pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit she had developed ever since their sixth year. Absently, she estimated how long it would take to make him spill the beans when she felt his hand next to her own on the floor.

“I-I was thinking,” Harry started tentatively. He was terribly nervous about what he was about to do. What if he failed just like Ron? He didn’t have the blonde hair or blue eyes that she would’ve liked. But still, He thought to himself. I have to try. “Would it be so awful if we…if we were more than friends?”

Harry felt her stiffen behind him. Not a good sign.

She was sure her heart had stopped beating and that she was about to go into cardiac arrest soon. She blinked a few times and shifted a little. Well, she still had control of her body so that’s a plus. “Harry…if this is about what you read, about Hippogriffs I mean,” Hermione began tentatively, not knowing where this would end up. “Like I told you before, it’s really nothing to think about too much. Don’t feel obligated to have feelings for me because of that passage.” Her words rushed out as she felt her cheeks burn. “Remember, it’s also a symbol of impossibility, not just love.”

I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with him! She thought, thoroughly embarrassed.

“It can’t be impossible if Hippogriffs actually exist though.” Harry pointed out, glad that his voice was steady.

She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. What was she supposed to say to him? What could she say? All she wanted to do today was to catch up on some research for the potions exam they had next week. It was wonderful of Harry to stay and offer her company, but if she knew that things would turn out like this, she would’ve told him to go with Ron when he left a few hours ago. Now she was stuck in such fix that for once in her life, she couldn’t just look the solution up in a book (twice actually since she still had trouble flying). His voice brought her out of her thoughts when she realized that he was talking again.

“…and really, if anything I don’t want you to feel obligated to have feelings for me.” He paused, no longer sure what point he was trying to make. His green eyes darkened a bit as he relaxed his posture so that he wasn’t so tense and covered her hand with his own. He really didn’t have anything to lose at this point; he’d already risked it all. At the contact, Hermione halfway opened her eyes.

“I know that I shouldn’t be asking you this.” Harry continued, tightening his grip on her hand. “I’ve probably ruined our friendship now…not to mention that I’ll make you a target for being the Boy Who Lived by the media…again.” An image of Rita Skeeter and her annoying persistence flashed in his mind. He shook his head. “There’s still the threat of Voldemort and I’d kill myself if you were hurt in any way because of me…” He cringed when he realized what he was saying. Why the bloody hell was he giving her reasons to say no? “I just, er- I guess I just needed you to know.” He finished lamely with his head hung low.

Hermione was stoic for a while before her features soften. A sigh escaped her lips, much like one released when someone’s defeated. “I see.” She said with a soft smile. Her hand was slowly going numb from his grip but she didn’t really mind it much. After all, he needed her a lot. Hermione knew now why she had no words to say to him. It was because no words were really necessary on her part. It was astonishing how she didn’t see it in the first place since it was so simple.

With that in mind, she closed her book with her free hand, placed it to the side and began to reshelf the books around her. Harry felt her movements and knew that she meant to leave soon. That she meant to leave him. Tears began to prick his eyes but he held them back. Deciding to be useful, he too began his earlier task albeit with one hand this time since he refused to let go of her hand.

When they finished, Harry avoided looking at her and opted to stare at the bookcase.

“I guess Madame Pince won’t kill us after all.” He said in a weak attempt to lighten the situation. Hermione picked up the book she had been reading from the floor and straightened up. “I suppose not.” She responded smoothing out her uniform. She finally focused her attention on him and smiled at how he was trying to avoid her despite the fact that he held onto her hand. He could be such a child sometimes.

Harry was still sitting down when she stood and he could feel her eyes on his back. She tried to free her hand from his but he held on still, trying to make her stay, to make her realize that his sudden affection towards her was genuine, that he needed her by his side. But when he heard his name escape her lips, he knew that he had lost and forced himself to let go. He felt so very cold after he lost contact with her. Just when he was going to make a quick exit to wallow in his sadness, she appeared in his line of vision.

Her dark eyes glittered as she smiled at him. He loved that smile. “Are you coming?” She asked with a knowing look and tugged at his robes. He grabbed her hand and looked her in the eyes. When he felt her intertwine her fingers with his, his green eyes lit up with hope. He scrambled to his feet and looked down at her. Hermione never really grew much while Ron and Harry had shot up, but she managed to grow up to his shoulders.

His eyes searched her face for something, anything that would tell him what her decision was. Hermione smiled again, and that was good enough for him. He brought her hand up and eagerly kissed the back of her hand, all the while never breaking eye contact. He wanted her to see how happy he was now. Her cheeks colored at his gesture and that made the smile on his face wider, if possible.

She turned around and headed towards Madame Pince with Harry. They got a few curious stares from the handful of students that were fortunate enough to be in the library at the time. Later, they would have the honor of informing the school about Harry and Hermione but they really couldn’t care about what the school would say. After she checked out her book, she led Harry out of the library and into the Head common room.

Unable to restrain himself any longer, Harry turned her around and caught her lips with his. It was a gentle, tender kiss that made the butterflies in her stomach come to life. She gripped onto his robes while one of his hands held her face and the other rested on the small of her back, pushed her body closer to his.

When she broke the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers. Hermione opened her eyes and found herself captivated by the deep shade of green irises staring at her with utter adoration written in them. She couldn’t have stopped the smile from appearing on her face if she tried.

Hermione allowed him to lead her to the couch where he sat down and pulled her on his lap. He looped his arms around her waist to hold her and buried his face in her neck. She shivered when the cool frame of his glasses came in contact with her skin and felt his arms tighten around her.

“Don’t leave me.” Harry mumbled against her neck. He needed her word that she wouldn’t leave him for another.

“I won’t.” It wasn’t a promise, but it was enough for now. With the threat of Voldemort on the horizon, it was all he could expect from her.

They stayed like that for most of the day. Hermione picked up where she left off in her book while Harry was content with just holding her and having her close to him. He occasionally dropped kisses on her neck but for the most part, he was lulled into a state of calm by her warm vanilla scent. Much later, when it was nearly time for dinner, Harry felt her shift in his lap and a teasing glint appeared in his eyes.

He brought his lips to her ear slowly. “Hermione.” He whispered.

She looked at him gently. “What is it?” she asked.

“Get off, you’re heavy.”

Before she had a chance to tell him off like she was itching to do, he kissed her, effectively stopping her from giving him any injuries and at the same time, leaving both of them quite happy. For now, the world stood still for this moment. After all, when something happens to Harry Potter, the world watches – eager to witness the young hero’s rise in the ranks of legend. And now, it was apparent that he would not be alone.

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling in association with Scholastic Books, Warner Bros, etc.