Flower Of The Forest: Lily's Story

Disclaimer: I really don't see the point of these things. But ok, whatever. I do not own any of JKR's characters, spells, places, ideas, etc. If you REALLY want to sue me a) first you got to find out where I live and b) all you'll get is two cents. Thank you.

Full Summary: James and Lily break up after a whirlwind romance that left them both head over heels for each other. So, why did they break up? What happened that upset them both so much? Lily is telling her friends the story of her life, and how she came to love the man who had been asking her out on a joke for years and years—and why she agreed to a first date. In the course of a few days (which may turn into weeks), Lily tells them everything that was important to her, reading straight from the diary she had been writing in since she was eleven.

As she does this, she begins to find herself again. It's becoming easier to smile, and she doesn't want to die as much as before.

So why does he show up?

Why does he come back and beg for her to accept him again?

Why isn't it as “over” as she thought it had been?

Rated R for language, sexual innuendoes, sexual acts, suicidal thoughts, and (for the Americans) drinking before the age of 21.

-Chapter One: The Story Begins

-By Natali

Lily sat in an armchair, playing with the chain around her neck. The chain she'd never taken off. The chain that reminded her of just what she had lost. She looked up into the other person's face, Grace's face.

“Why do you want to know?” Lily asked softly, twirling the golden chain. “Why do you even care?”

Grace sighed, and rubbed her eyes with her palms. “Lily… You've been here for over two months. Your mum says you quit your job, you won't go out of your house, and that you won't take phone calls or owls. What is the matter with you, Lily?”

A tear, of which Lily was unaware, slid slowly down her pale cheeks. What was the matter with her? Why didn't she want to live anymore? Why did she hate her life?

“I'm going to tell you a story, Grace,” Lily said flatly, rising to go to a bookcase. She browsed through her extensive library. When her father and stepmother had died four years ago, she'd gotten the house and all the money, because Petunia was another man's daughter, even though her mum had been married to her father back then.

“This story is… interesting and colorful,” she continued, finding the book she was looking for. It was an old, leather-bound diary that had once been her mum's. “It is sad, depressing, happy, and romantic.” She leafed through the heavy volume, searching for a particular page.

“Lily? Are you ok?” Grace asked. “Do you want me to invite Rachel?”

“I'm here, Grace,” Rachel said quietly, slipping into a chair at the large oak desk. “Lily, you are being ridiculous. Honestly!”

“This story,” Lily went on, ignoring the previous dialogue, “is about a love found, a love held, and a love lost. It is about a man and a woman, who never knew what could be until by pure chance, they saw each other and fell in love.”

“Lily, you're scaring me,” Grace whispered, hugging her legs. “Why, Lils? Why are you like this? He's just a guy. There's more out there—believe me!”

Lily paused in the act of skimming a page. “He is not,” she whispered threateningly, “in any way, shape, or form, `just a guy'.”

Rachel sent Grace a concerned look. “Alright then. What's this that you called us here for then? Do you want a whiskey? Or maybe something stronger? A sleeping pill, I don't know!” She rose and began to pace the room. “You're concerning me, Lily.”

Lily didn't reply, but instead sat back down in her armchair. She shoved her unbrushed hair out of her face and smiled; it was a sad, but also happy smile.

“So… You're going to hear my story…” she whispered so softly that Grace and Rachel had to strain to hear.

“I always thought your story was a happy one, Lils,” Grace said. “Are you really going to let the fact that James has hurt you so bad that you can't even feed yourself kill you, Lily!?”

“You're a fool if you do, Lily,” Rachel added.

But Lily ignored them, knowing that they didn't really mean that and that they were just upset.

“If ever there was a story sad, then this. If ever there was a heart broken, then mine. If ever there was true love…” She paused, crying and realizing it this time. “Then ours.”

“So, what story are you going to tell us, Lily?” Grace asked, hoping that if Lily let it all out and just cried all her tears that she would become herself again. The old, sparkling, smiling, bright, smart, and beautiful Lily she knew and loved. She still loved her, but it hurt her heart so much to see one of her best mates so deeply depressed.

Lily looked up at her grief-stricken friends. At least they cared about her.

“This is, quite simply”—she traced the page she was about to read from—“Lily's Story.”

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September 10, My Last Year At Hogwarts

-It's been ten days since school started again. Grace, Rachel, and I have officially begun the new—and final—year by stealing Professor Wirtkin's, the Potions Master, toupee and hanging it by a string in the Entrance Hall. I'm afraid he wasn't too happy about that, though Dumbledore did seem a tad amused. Unfortunately for us, we all got three days' detention—with none other than old baldy himself.

James Potter said hello to me. No, diary. I will not go out with him. As the popular girl that I am, I can't let it get around that I go out with players—of which Potter and his friends are the elite. We fight a lot, mostly about whether or not I should have to go out with him or not.

It's a joke. I know that it is. I have a blast doing it too. Sometimes, you just need to know that you can have someone to flirt with when the going gets rough.

Ok, now that Rachel has stopped looking over my shoulder, I can get into the real details.

It was after my—our—last class today. Potter and I both have Transfiguration at the end of every day, except Fridays. But never mind that. The bell had rung, and McGonagall was in her regular bitchy mood…

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“Miss Evans! Mr. Potter! Stay after class and clean up this mess!” Minerva McGonagall bellowed at them as she headed out the door with the rest of her students. “And if this place isn't spotless, I'll have both your bums in detention for the next month!”

“Such a lovely disposition,” James muttered sarcastically.

Lily smiled, waving to her friends to go on. “Do you think she knows we can just use a spell to clean it all up?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

James chuckled. “Who knows? Would you like to do it, or shall I have the honors?”

“Be my guest,” Lily said, walking towards the front of the room. “I'm going to look for that Candy Quill she took from me yesterday.”

“See if my Bertie Bott's are there too,” James said over his shoulder, raising his wand. “Scourgify!”

“Ha! Found them!” Lily came towards him with his beans outstretched in her hand.

“To the blessings of magic,” James said, toasting her quill.

“Indeed,” she smiled, taking a bite out of her favorite candy. Just a few more moments and…

“Go out with me, Evans?”

She chuckled. “I knew that was coming. Would you like to guess the answer, or shall I have to tell you once more?”

He smiled. “I'll wear you down one of these days, Evans.”

She nodded. “I'm sure you will.”

“So then, why won't you just go out with me? Just once, Evans… I can guarantee you'll have a good time—and I'll keep my roaming hands to myself and all.”

“Why do you even want to go out with me, Potter?” she asked him for the first time. “It's not as if we're all that compatible.”

He raised a brow at her, leaning casually against a desk. “Ever heard of sex appeal?”

Lily laughed. “Sex appeal? Bloody hell, if I went out with every bloke who thought I had sex appeal, I'd be on a permanent date for the next fifty or so years.”

He leaned closer. “Yes, but I'm only one bloke, so what's the harm?”

She leaned in too, and whispered, “I just might like you.” She leaned back and winked.

James laughed and shook his head, taking a step towards her. “Sure, Evans?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“What will it take to convince you?”

“I don't know.”

“Maybe,” he said in a husky voice, “I should show you why you should?”

Lily smiled flirtatiously at him. “What are you saying, Potter?”

“I am saying”—he pulled her closer by her waist—“that maybe you should see just how strong this sex appeal is.” Slowly, and with much expertise, he covered her tender lips with his and gently kissed her not rushing her. “Working yet?”

She grinned and ran her hand through his hair, messing it up just like he always did. “I don't know. I haven't made up my mind yet.”

He chortled and kissed her more hungrily than before, taking the breath right from her.

Lily moaned and pushed herself closer to his manly body, melding her soft feminine body to his hard masculine one.

Well, he wasn't kidding about sex appeal, she thought to herself. No, not at all.

The sound of approaching footsteps from outside the door pulled them apart, and scattering to pick up their stuff.

“We'll see you later, Professor,” Lily said, walking past her quickly.

“Hope we did a good job,” James said, fighting to keep a straight face. He chased after Lily. “So, what do you say, Evans? Dinner this Saturday in the common room? I could cook if you'd like.”

“No, that's alright, thanks,” she replied easily, heading for her dorm.

“What?” he smiled. “I didn't convince you before? I can fix that.”

“Oh, you convinced me,” she answered, climbing the stairs that would lead to the tower. “You were right. Kilos of sex appeal between us.”

“Then?”

“I never said I'd say yes if you proved it to me.” With a final smile, she told the Fat Lady the password and entered the common room, separating herself from James.

He grinned after her and shook his head. “That's one nice piece of ass.”

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September 11

Today, something very… interesting happened. How to explain?

Well, Grace, Rachel, and I were in the library playing around when I remembered that I had to do a sixteen inch essay for Potions that was due the next day. So, I said good bye to my friends and got up from my comfortable chair. I'm backing up, sharing jests with them about guys and their inability to think with anything but their… well, you get my picture.

Anyway, I turn around to finally head up, and who should I bump into?

That's right…

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“You make sure that he's thinking with the right head next time, Rachel,” Lily laughed. “I'll see you guys at dinner!” She raised her hand in a good bye gesture, then turned.

And smacked right into James Potter.

James smiled and caught her around the middle before she lost her balance and fell. “Why, it's not every day that a wicked looking girl falls right into my arms.” He winked and inconspicuously massaged the small of her back, where his hands still were. “And where were you headed in such a rush?”

“Up to my room to do an essay,” she replied, wishing she could remove her hands from his chest without making it obvious. “Thank you for not letting me fall. Now could you… let me go?”

He released her and stepped aside.

As she walked away, she looked over her shoulder and gave him a genuine Lily smile. He returned the gesture then turned to Sirius, who was standing to his right.

“Nice piece of ass,” he chuckled, clapping Sirius on the back. “Come on. I think the House Elves made tarts today.”

Lily was still smiling as she entered her room seven minutes later. This would only be too easy.

“Plan A,” she told herself aloud, setting her stuff up. “Make him want me so bad he won't know what to do with himself.”

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Back to the Present…

“But what does that have to do with anything, Lily?” Rachel asked. “That doesn't explain why you haven't been yourself since… well, you know.”

Lily, who was beginning to feel more like herself—in other words, she was feeling period—looked down at the pages of her diary as if transfixed.

“Would you start a story in the middle?” she asked her mates.

“No,” they replied.

“Well, I'm not either. I'm starting at the beginning. The beginning of it all…”

One day, she promised herself, one day I'll be Lily once more. She stared unseeingly at the pages. As soon as I stop writing here, I'll know I am over my pain. But `til that day…

Grace allowed herself to smile as she noticed a bit of the old Lily coming to life. Finally! There was something besides just space in her eyes. Yes, there was pain and mistrust and hate, but at least it was a step in the right direction. Hell, she might even cry for real soon—sob until she makes herself sick.

Rachel on the other hand, frowned. Lily didn't need to cry. She needed to get over that asshole and go on with life. She was still young (hell, very young), and beautiful. She was intelligent and fun to be with. She figured that if Lily headed out now, she'd be married in a year. Just because Potter had been too stupid to realize what a prize he had doesn't mean other men wouldn't.

Lily rose and placed the diary on the end table.

“You two might as well stay here,” she said, her voice going emotionless again. “This story might take awhile. Would you mind?”

Grace said, “No. It's summer, and I'm off. You have a month to tell me the story before I have to get back to my kids at the elementary school.”

“You know I work from home. I probably wouldn't get much done until you felt better anyway,” Rachel smiled, hoping it would be contagious. It wasn't. She sighed. “I have no inspiration for my book as of yet. And the few articles I'm planning on doing won't take too much time.”

“Great. Help yourselves to whatever room.” With that, Lily went to her bedroom.

She pushed open the door and went straight to her bed, locking the door with a charm as she went. The moment her head hit the comforter, tears obscured her vision. Not for the first time in two months, she broke down sobbing. In the end, she knew what would be the outcome.

She would rise from her tear stained bed in roughly three hours time, go to the loo, and throw up whatever food the maid shoved down her throat during the day. Her clothes hang off her now, and she'd gone from a healthy skinny to an anorexic one.

“I want to die,” she sobbed to the picture of James she kept on her night table. “Why did you do this? I love you so much…”

Something McGonagall had once said late into their Seventh Year popped into her mind.

I swear, it's like they're the king and queen of this school, Albus. Just look at them! All they have to do is walk down the halls hand in hand and everyone is worshipping them.

Lily smiled as she remembered Dumbledore's response. She smiled for the first time in two months because if there was one person who had never let her down, it was Albus Dumbledore.

Can you blame them, Minerva? I mean… They're Potter and Evans. Just for that fact, they should be worshipped.

Oh, Headmaster, McGonagall laughed. I suppose you're right.

What would they say now if they knew how the Royalty had end up?

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-A/N: Hey, that was the first chapter. I hope everyone likes it. Please review and comment/criticize/send hate mail, whatever! Just let me know what you think.

-Natali

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-Chapter Two: Chocolate, A Girl's Best Mate

-By Natali

-September 13

Plan A is off to a marvelous start. What's all this about a plan, diary? Well, I'll tell you. I'm convinced that I can bag a boyfriend with a little… shall we say, craftiness? Why ever would I just want a fling, when I could have James Potter for a much longer time? Exactly.

Much could be said in defense of a fling. They're loads of fun, easygoing, and virtually painless. But the fact remains that I'm more than just attracted to Potter. Do I fancy him? …Hard to say, really. There's always that possibility. But I think that it's more of the chase that attracts me the most. He is, no doubt, the most eligible bachelor in Hogwarts, because even Sirius ties himself down once in a while. But James has never even gone out twice with the same girl. (By saying this, you must understand that going out means on an actual date, not just sex. That would be a totally different story.)

My friends and I adore challenges and tricks. Wouldn't it be the ultimate challenge to have James Potter as a boyfriend? And the trick part? Well, I'd get back at him for that one prank he played on me in Third Year.

I would be the Prank Princess, so to speak.

Because Plan A has been accomplished (he most definitely wants me very badly—I heard this information from a friend of a friend of his friend who heard it from Sirius), it's time for Plan B, which puts Plan C into motion.

So, what's Plan B?

Spend more time with him.

And C?

Make him think he's ready to win me over so he'll be so cocky he'll think he doesn't even have to put in effort.

And when that's achieved… Heh, heh. Activate Plan D: Make him rethink his cockiness…

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(-Memories-)

“Lily? Are you coming?” Rachel asked, holding open the door to the room they shared. “Dinner will be over soon.”

Lily looked up from writing in her diary. “No, go on without me. I've got a plan to take care of…”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

She shoved the diary under her bed and went to redo her hair—she'd just woken up from a nap, and it was all over the place.

Humming a little tune that some First Years had been singing after the last lesson, she took the pins out of her hair and reorganized her luxurious wine-red hair. So engrossed was she in doing so, she didn't even hear someone enter the room and tiptoe towards her.

“Boo,” James whispered in her ear, making her squeal.

“How'd you get in here?” she hissed, catching her breath. “And for God's sake, wipe that smart smile off your face!”

James chuckled. “I got in with my broom, over which the stairs have absolutely no control whatsoever. And no, I'll smile all I want.”

Lily smiled too, and picked up the pin she had dropped when he'd scared her. “Why aren't you at dinner? And while we're there, why are you here?”

James shrugged, looking around the only room he'd never been in (the girls in his own year and house never slept with him). “Not hungry, because Mum sent me pies this morning and they're all gone now. Here because that's where you are, which is where I want to be. Now, what's your excuse?”

“I'm here because this is my room.”

“No, I meant for not being at dinner with the rest of your mates—one of which has just recently hooked up with Remus. Going down the stairs, in fact.”

Lily giggled. “Grace. She's been thinking about it for weeks.”

“Point is, Sirius and Rachel are in a snit, because they don't get along as well as Grace and Remus do.”

“Grace and Remus have never said more than five words to each other.”

“But they're getting along quite well, aren't they?” James laughed. He walked to what he supposed was Lily's bed—her favorite jeans were lying on it—and sat on the edge. “So, what's your excuse?”

Lily smiled, remembering what she'd told Rachel. “I had some… business to take care of.”

James nodded slowly. “I see. Well, since you're not doing anything, fancy a walk on the turrets?”

Right where I want him, Lily thought. Poor, gullible fool.

“Just as long as we're at the understanding that this isn't in any way a date,” she stated stubbornly. “But yes, I'd love some fresh air.”

Half an hour later, Lily had let it slip that she kept a diary, and had done so for seven years.

“It's just,” James said, “what's the point of writing something that no one else will ever see?”

Lily thought a moment, swinging her legs from the stone bench they were sitting on. Her gaze swept the dark Scottish countryside, pinpointing the places she could recognize: Hagrid's hut, the gates to Hogsmeade…

“Think of it this way,” she spoke finally. “My mum gave me this diary when I left for Hogwarts. It was the same one she'd written from the time she was fourteen to the day she married my father at twenty-six. The reason she'd stopped, at least according to what she told me, was because she'd found herself and didn't feel the need to ever write again. In the time she did write though, she wrote about the same problems I'm faced with: life, money, boys and how much you might hate them…” She looked at him. “Don't you think there would be a lot of wisdom in those twelve years?”

James nodded slowly. “So then, you're planning to give it to your daughter?”

Lily shook her head emphatically. “Are you nuts? With all the things I do!”

They laughed together, unconsciously leaning on one another. When the laughter died down, James turned to look at Lily, not realizing that if he did their lips would be almost touching.

“Why won't you say yes?” he whispered, raising his hand to caress her neck. “It's not that you don't like me. I know you do.”

She raised a perfect eyebrow and stared at him for a second. “You're right… I won't deny it.” She stood and touched a hand to his cheek. “As for why I won't go out with you… That's for me to know, and for you to find out, James.” With a final smile, she headed to the Great Hall for whatever food she could find.

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(-Present, the next day in Lily's library…-)

Lily shut the diary and stared at the floor. Could she go on? She had thought that she would be able to retell the story… Why was it so hard?

Because she still loved him.

“Something the matter, Lily?” Grace asked. It was only noon, and Lily had already stopped. At this rate, they would be there until Christmas.

“I'm hungry,” she said, voice hoarse. She almost ran out of the room.

Rachel turned to look at Grace. “Didn't the maid say something about her…?”

“Not eating? Yeah. So then…?” They got up and followed Lily into the kitchen, where she was sobbing and munching on blocks of chocolate.

It was the first thing she'd eaten voluntarily since the breakup. The maid, Marisel, was standing in a corner, looking shocked down to her toes.

“She just… came in, got chocolate, and ate,” she sputtered in a Spanish accent. “Nada mas!” She made the sign of the cross. “Dios mio!”

Grace looked at her friend sympathetically, trying not to find the fact that Lily was covered in chocolate humorous. “Oh, Lils… If you're hungry you need real food. You're so malnourished it's scary.”

Lily only sobbed harder in response.

“Come on, Lils,” Rachel said softly, extending her hand. “We'll go give you a bath.”

“I… took one this morning,” Lily said. “Don't need—want—another.” After her reply, the cries became louder, and she started to choke on chocolate.

“I didn't suggest it to clean you up. I meant a bubble bath, with loads of scents and candles, and chocolate if you'd like,” Rachel explained, gently tugging the chocolate away from Lily. “Come on. You'll like it, trust me.”

“It hurts,” Lily whispered, leaning against a cabinet.

“What?” Grace asked.

“I was numb… but now, it hurts,” she cried silently. She glanced up at her best mates. “Is there… any ice cream?”

Grace, Rachel, and Marisel all laughed. Even Lily's lips twitched a little.

“Yes, Miss Lily,” Marisel chuckled. “I'll get your favorite—Rocky Toad.”

Marisel's purposeful mix up made Lily smile—but only a little. “Rocky Road, Marisel,” she corrected, allowing her friends to help her up.

----------------------------------------------------Later…---------------------------------------------------

“I don't see why I have to wear this dress,” Lily said, staring at her white cocktail dress. “There's no special occasion.”

Rachel made an irritated noise while braiding her hair, just the way Lily liked. “You're not a zombie—that's a bloody occasion in my book.” She poked Lily's side. “Besides, I want you to see how much you need to eat and exercise to look good in this dress again. You're so skinny!”

Lily frowned. “I'll try and forget you said that.”

Grace laughed, filing Lily's nails. “We should have done this sooner. Of course all you needed was a bath, chocolate, and a manicure! We should've known.”

Lily sighed. “I'm still not happy.”

“Then what are you?” Rachel asked exasperatedly.

“Sad. Empty. Hurting so bad I feel my heart is being ripped in half,” Lily said through tears.

“Good,” Grace said softly, patting her hand. “It's part of the recovery. Now, here's your diary”—she passed the heavy book to her—“so keep reading while we pamper you.”

“Could I have another piece of chocolate?” Lily asked, grabbing one without waiting for permission. “Alright. I'll skip a few entries—the next few are just about how Grace and Remus kept shagging each other—”

“Excuse you!” Grace gasped. “That is none of your bloody business.” She whacked Rachel. “You either!” She glanced at Lily, hoping to see a smile. She didn't.

“Anyway, it was the next week when I was able to write something noteworthy about my plan for James…”

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-September 20

Plan B and C completed. In the past week, Potter has walked me to class, from class, to meals, from meals, and all around the grounds—strictly friends and not as a date, of course.

But today… oh, today I put Plan D into effect—and oh so nicely, too.

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(-Memories-)

Lily Evans sat on the couch, bored out of her mind. Grace was off with Remus—again. Not that she knew Lily knew.

If you really need me, she'd told Lily, I'll be in the third floor broom closet. I'll be… uh, doing detention! Yes, that's it!

Really. How pathetic…

She sighed and twirled a strand of her hair in circles, apathetic to the knots that she was forming. If only J—No! Plan D had to go into effect. He had to doubt his place with her.

“Speak of the devil,” Lily muttered, watching James come towards her. “Around my little finger, aren't you?”

“So Lily, want to go for a walk?” he asked, leaning forward. “I hear the House Elves have special candy already for this year's Halloween. From Sweden.”

“No, thanks, James,” she replied smoothly. “I'd rather just sit here.” Never mind that I'm bored to high hell.

He frowned. “Are you sure? You don't have to eat anything if you don't want.”

“Yes.”

Slightly confused, James persisted. “Come on. It'll be something to do, instead of just sitting here doing nothing. Besides, I don't have anyone to go with.”

Even though Lily was determined to stick to her plan, the bewildered look on his face pushed her over the edge. Why did he look so sorry about the fact that she didn't want to go?

“Ok,” she sighed heavily, trying to sound bored with the idea. “Let's go.”

And later, in her bed, with her stomach so full of candy she felt sick, Lily wondered.

Was he really that sad about her reluctance to go? Were his intentions genuine? Was she even willing to find out?

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-September 22

Diary, I hadn't meant to go with him. Honest. But the look on his face on Thursday… And then, when I was determined to look like I was having an awful time, all he has to do is smile, stuff his mouth with candy, and try to talk. Then I'm laughing, choking on bits of some Sweet Sins (sugary candies that make you look devilishly sinful)!

But tonight… Oh, tonight was bad for my plan, but so, so good for me. It was… wonderful. As you know, I like to go into the forest, even though I'm not supposed to. But you know, rules are there to be broken…

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-Memories…-

Lily spread out languorously on the cool grass, looking up at the starry sky. She smiled, thinking of the rose James had given to Grace to give to her. It was such a public courtship. She knew it: she was falling, falling fast and hard.

It was impossible to ignore him, to pretend like she found him boring. Suddenly, her “plan” and turned around and bit her in the behind.

Lily came to the forest about once a month, just to get away from everything—life, school, boys, bitchy and back stabbing girls, and even her best mates. Just to… get away and relax.

“Well, well, look at the flower of the forest, lounging around as if she owns the place.”

Lily sat up and smiled. “Hi, James. How'd you know I was here?”

“I followed you,” he shrugged. “And I like that nick name for you. Lily, Flower of the Forest.” He winked and held out his hand to her. “Want to go somewhere special?”

She hesitated. “I don't know. I've never gone past this point…” She looked off into the darkness. “Have you ever… been there before?”

James took a step towards her. “I will never let anything happen to you, Lily.”

The tension hung in the air, and both could feel it.

“Alright. I trust you, James.” She stood with his help and brushed off the back of her pants. “But just in case something does happen, it's your head.”

“My Flower of the Forest,” he chuckled, grabbing her hand and heading deeper into the forest.

“Your flower?”

“Alright. Soon-to-be my flower.” He gave a sharp tug on her hand that brought her closer, and planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

“You're real cocky,” she muttered, but she was smiling in the darkness.

“Down to my toes.”

They walked around in the dark and overgrown forest for ten more minutes, before they finally came to what James was looking for.

“Alright, Lily,” he whispered. “Close your eyes.”

She smiled. “Done.”

He pulled her forward, careful to make sure that she didn't trip on anything along the way. When he had her in the middle of the clearing, he stepped back and said, “Ok. You can open your eyes now.”

Lily did, and had to take another breath. They were in the middle of a large clearing, with a rippling brook running through it. Up above, the stars were bright and visible, miles away from city lights. They were essentially alone in the world, just them and nature.

She continued to look around, staring at the green grass that was clearly recognizable in the moonlight. Flowers of all colors dotted an old path that ran along the edge of the clearing.

“My parents used to come here, when they were at Hogwarts,” he said softly, still about two feet behind her. “My mum told me once when I was five, thinking I wouldn't remember, I guess. Anyway, I got here, and I looked for it.”

“Ever bring any girls out here?” Lily asked, trying to sound nonchalant. She was not feeling jealousy. “It's really romantic, isn't it?”

James smiled to himself. So he'd gotten under her skin, huh? It was almost worth saying he brought them all, just to see how she would react.

“No. You're the only one, Sirius included. I brought Remus because he appreciates these kinds of things. Do you like it?”

She didn't answer. She didn't really need to.

Taking advantage of her silence, he closed the gap between them and hugged her from behind. Very gently, he littered soft kisses down her neck, going from one side to another.

“James?” Lily whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Why'd you bring me? Why are you concentrating so hard on getting me to go out with you? Isn't it just about the shagging, and then it'll be over and done with?” She turned, still in his arms. “I just don't get it.”

He slowly massaged the back of her neck. “Some things you just don't have to get, Lily. And even if I wanted to tell you why I'm so… stuck on you, I couldn't tell you, because I have no bloody clue.”

“Do you believe in fate?” she asked, only an inch away from his lips.

“The fate that God sets for you, or just in general?”

“Ah, a religious question.”

“In a sense.”

“The fate God's chosen for each one of us. Do you believe that He knows it and plans it all out?”

James thought a moment before answering. “Yes. But it wasn't until now that I understood everything had its purpose.”

“You're a romantic sap, James; it's disgusting.”

“Yes,” he chuckled. “I know.”

“I love it.”

“Know that too.” He gave her one quick kiss. “But I still don't know if you'll go out with me. I'm not perfect, you see.”

Lily bit her lip. “Damn it. Bloody hell, damn it! Yes, James. Yes, I'll go out with you!”

Lily caught him by the neck and pulled him closer, melding their lips in a fire hot kiss that would burn their lips at the thought of it for years to come.

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-A/N: Well, I've only been on PK since what, Monday? I've had 5 reviews. I'm being extremely nice—I'm updating faster than I planned. Lol, this is prewritten (until chapter 4 a/w…).

Thanks to Emilyp, Rita, Remus'sweetie, my Anonymous reviewer (name?), and Green Eggs and Ham. Thanks a lot guys!

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-Chapter Three

-By Natali

(-Present…)

“That's so sweet,” Rachel sighed, tying the last braid. “You never told us any of that before.”

Lily shrugged, getting up from her chair. “I didn't want to—or needed to either. Now I both want to and need to.” She turned around. “Interestingly enough, chocolate and a bubble bath do help. Do you… want to go shopping?”

Grace smiled at her. “Oh, we're really feeling better now. Alright, let's get on with this therapy!” She grabbed both Lily and Rachel by the hand, apparating with them to a store in Middlesbrough, in a back alley. It was her haven.

“Ok, Lils,” Grace smiled, shoving her in the direction of the shoes. “I command you to spend at least a thousand galleons here!”

Lily shook her head, but let a small smile creep onto her lips, even though it was a little forced. She began trying on random shoes, trying to find the most outrageous.

“Tell us another story, Lily,” Rachel called from her left, scanning a clothes' rack. “We don't have all day you know.” She winked.

Lily picked up the pink and bright green stiletto boots she'd been trying on. “Alright. I practically know the diary entry and its story by heart anyway… That tends to happen when you're so head over heels for someone that you think about them, even if you're not thinking about them. Does that make any sense?”

“Yes,” Grace said under her breath. “I wonder what they would say if they knew Remus and I were hooking up again…”

Rachel peered over the rack. “Did you say something, Grace?”

Grace shook her head. “No. Not one thing… Well, go on then, Lily.”

Lily turned back to her shoes and tried on a pair of bright blue strap sandals. “Well, you guys remember our first date, right?”

“How could we forget?” Rachel muttered, looking at a pink skirt. “You were talking nonstop about it, you prepared for it for three hours, and then you kept us up half the night giving us a play by play!”

“Fine, I won't tell you then.”

Grace sent Rachel a murderous look. “Don't listen to her. You tell us anyway. Besides, the first time you told me, I tuned out after the first five minutes anyway.”

The same pink and neon green boot hit the side of her head.

“Bitch!”

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September 29

I'm going to bed soon. I just came back from our very first date together (and his first date period). Now, we'd gotten together on Wednesday to discuss our plans. We'd go to Covent Gardens for a play and then Somerset House for an after party of sorts. He was very… extravagant, to say the least.

Well, he was so nervous! It was almost cute—but since James Potter is too cool for that, we'll say he was charming. (Splendid. Bloody splendid! Did you see that [! ]? Did you see how I called him James? Bloody hell…)

Because we were planning to go out of school, and it's not exactly “allowed”, we had to sneak out, with a whole bunch of accomplices. Not to worry, it's been done before, several times. So he'd arranged for us to take our clothes and head over to Covent Gardens—the Warlock Underground.

I was really excited earlier, because I'd never been to see a play at the Gardens. I've been, naturally; but a play, and an after party?

And so I figure… If I'm going to get myself into this mess with Potter, why not pick up some culture along the way?

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(-Memories…-)

“Lils,” Grace said, poking her head in. “He says he's ready when you are.” She came the rest of the way in and shut the door behind her. “Are you really going to do it? Why don't you just go have a nice, private dinner in the greenhouses or something? Are you willing to risk expulsion just for a little fun?”

Lily smiled. “First, of course I'm really going to do it. Second, when has expulsion been a threat to me? And third”—she turned from the mirror she was looking in and faced her friend—“the greenhouses?”

Grace furrowed her eyebrows. “That wasn't my point.”

“Yes, well mine is that I frankly don't care. Potter is an expert at sneaking out of school, and I'm no novice either! Then with all of you helping… Well, it's bound to go fine!”

“You know these things always have a way of coming back and nipping you right in the ass.”

“Naturally.”

“And you just don't give a rat's hairy bum, do you?”

“Not a hair of it.”

“Jolly good then. Remember that when you're packing your bags to leave.”

“If they haven't already expelled me for all the things I've done, why would they start now? Besides, my mum would nag Dumbledore so much he'd finally give in and let me in again.” Lily placed first one ornamental chopstick then another into her elegant bun. “And anyhow, would you pass up a night like this?”

Grace smiled slowly. “Hardly. But I still think you better watch it. Snape is just begging to get you into trouble.”

“That foul, irritable cockroach! I swear, doesn't he bathe? Its called cologne, for heaven's sake!”

Grace laughed. “Relax, Lils.” She looked at the pretty white dress hanging on the closet door, ready for Lily to take it with her. “I love that dress.”

“Thank you, I do too. Now, what will you be doing while I'm gone? Snogging with Remus, shagging Remus, or staring at Remus?”

Grace sputtered incoherent sounds as Lily grinned knowingly.

“I am not shagging Re—Lupin! We hardly know each other.”

Lily feigned a disappointed face. “Well, that must make the shagging part rather awkward. Rather, the part after. What do you say then? `Thank you'?”

“I am not shagging him, I tell you!” she shrieked.

Rachel walked in from the bathroom, catching the end of this. “Who? Remus? Of course you are, dear. It's obvious as the bloody sun in the sky.”

Grace's face turned a deep shade of crimson as Rachel and Lily laughed.

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(-Present…-)

“Excuse you!” Grace interrupted. “This is not Lily's story. This is bloody Grace's private story, so shove off with it, Lils!”

Lily and Rachel shared a look, Rachel's a smiling one and Lily's a half-smiling one.

“Really though,” Rachel mused, browsing though the lingerie. What would he think of this? she wondered, holding up a hot red thong. She giggled as she looked at her mates. What would they think if I told them?!

“Really though what?” Grace grumbled.

“How could you think we didn't know?” Rachel laughed. “You two would sneak off every two minutes to somewhere and shag each other silly. At least, I'm guessing you did—you would disappear for hours.”

Grace didn't answer. They still disappeared for hours… Just to her flat this time and not in some broom closet at school.

Lily gave Grace a sly look. “He was good, huh?”

She was silent for a moment. “Yes. Very, very good. And thorough. Oh so very thorough.” She groaned and bit her lip, reminiscing. “Wicked…”

Rachel snorted. “Someone liked to get fucked.”

“You're so crude, Rachel!”

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(-Memories…-)

“So Lils, excited for your date with Potter?” Rachel asked.

“I suppose. Which reminds me… McGonagall down there?”

“Yeah.”

“DISTRACT HER! I GOTTA GO!” Lily shoved Rachel out of the door, grabbed her dress and ran down the stairs (alright, she walked. There was no way she was going to mess up her hair).

“Potter!” she hissed at him, grabbing him by the arm in his room. “We need to go! McGonagall is going with Rachel, but then we're screwed. Come on!”

“I think you're so sexy when you're rushed,” he chuckled.

“Don't you have your outfit?”

“At home.”

“Oh.”

They went out the portrait, and headed deeper into the castle.

“So, how are we getting out?” Lily asked, smiling at the hand James had grabbed on the way out. “Should we use the passage behind the portrait of Guld the Groggy?”

James stopped and stared at her. “How did you know about that?”

“Never mind. Are we?”

He hesitated then kept on walking. “No. Filch found it last week and had it blocked. I suggest you don't use that one anymore—he's prowling around it, trying to catch the people who used it.”

“Thanks for the heads up. I'll remember to tell Grace and Rach. The passage behind the statue of the Greek goddess?”

“Do you know every passage here?”

“I'd like to think so.”

“How many?”

“Eight.”

“Eight? There's only seven, not eight.”

Lily smiled. “Of course there is. You keep thinking that.”

“I've been all over this castle! I know there isn't another passage.”

“Well, unless you were in the Seventh Year girls' dorm, you wouldn't have had a chance… We dug it ourselves.”

“Why, you naughty thing.”

“Thank you.”

“We can't use the one behind the statue because there was flooding there in the last storm and it's all caked mud—not to mention an entirely different tunnel.”

“Then which one, genius?”

James was silent for a moment. “There's this tunnel, on the grounds… It ends somewhere.” He sighed. “Lily, you have to promise not to tell anyone. And also that you'll never go there again.” He opened the great oak doors in the Entrance Hall. “You also have to promise that you won't tell anyone about this place—ever.”

“Alright. What is it? A government tunnel or something?” she joked.

“If only it were that.” James turned left and headed for the Whomping Willow. “Another thing. I'll… have to blindfold you.”

“You are not blindfolding me, James Potter.”

“It's for your safety! Tell me now if I can't, because that means we can't go out this way.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Fine. You can blindfold me. When?”

James grinned. “Now.” He tied the white handkerchief around her head. “And when we get to the end of the tunnel… Promise not to ask questions.”

“Alright. Really, it's as if it's some sort of secret…”

“…It is.”

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(-Present…-)

“Um, did you say the Whomping Willow, Lils?” Grace asked as they walked down Baker Street, eating ice creams in celebration of their account-emptying purchases.

“Yeah. Why?” Lily asked.

Grace frowned. “Did he um, ever tell you why you couldn't tell anyone?”

“No, not ever. Is something the matter?”

“No. Everything is fine,” Grace replied, relieved.

Rachel meanwhile, was watching an old man walking down the street, rethinking about the events of three days ago. Three days ago, she had gone to see James, Sirius, and Remus—just because Lily and James had broken up, didn't mean she couldn't talk to them. She'd gone there to see them, and to ask James what had happened (for all Lily had told her about the breakup, she'd never told her why).

She'd gotten to the flat they shared, but only Sirius was there.

“Where are they?” Rachel asked.

“I don't know. James has gone missing for the past week or so. Remus is off with some girl—at least, that's my notion.”

“How could you not know where James is, Sirius?”

“He's a big boy… He can take care of himself.”

“And you don't think he's hurting?”

“…Not really.”

“You're a prick! They love each other!”

“Seems to me that they broke up…”

Rachel smiled and glanced down into her shopping bag. What would he say about the lingerie she bought?

But that wasn't the important thing. What really mattered was the fact that the old man following them on the other side of the street had been near Lily's gigantic mansion. Now, why would an old beggar go to a very rich, guarded neighborhood, and then follow them all the way here?

“Hang on guys. I want to see this store. Go on, I'll catch up,” she said, preparing to cross the street.

“You sure you don't want us to come with you?”

Rachel smiled. “Positive.” As she crossed the street, cars honked at her (or perhaps it was her miniskirt?). “Oh, dear God,” she muttered, “you've really done yourself in this time. Chin deep in shit, aren't you?” She gave a chuckle as the old man smiled and walked up to her, hugging her in greeting.

“You smell bad,” she wrinkled her nose. “What is that?” She sniffed. “Rotting fish?”

“Shove it. I had to sleep in the dumpster to avoid the coppers.”

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(-Memories…-)

Lily strapped on her right shoe and stood, looking at herself in the mirror. In all modesty, she didn't look too bad.

At all.

With a satisfied sigh, she grabbed her purse and headed down the stairs to where her prince was waiting.

“I'm ready,” she called out softly. “Don't laugh.”

James smiled and stood up from his couch. “I won't.”

With one last breath, she stepped around the corner in plain view of James. “Well… What do you think?” she asked when he remained silent.

His chest swelled as he drank in the sight before him: a beautiful, porcelain beauty packaged in the finest white satin.

When he still didn't say anything (trying to ignore the growing erection in his pants, I imagine) she said, “You don't like it. Great. Well, deal with it!” She tried not to feel disappointed, not to feel sad.

“Lily… That is not what I was thinking.” He held out his hand. “Come here, angel.”

Lily slowly walked to him and let him wrap her in his arms, even though she was still a little upset. “You didn't like it,” she grumbled. Her eyes misted. “You're supposed to like it.”

What am, five? Why am I crying? she thought to herself.

“I did like it,” he whispered. He ran his tongue along her perfumed neck. “I really like it. A lot. You look… breathtaking, and I do mean that.”

“I know you like it,” she giggled, nudging his stiff member. “Shall we go?”

“Let's.”

(-Later…-)

“My lady,” James smiled, opening the door for the carriage he'd rented to take them to the party. He handed Lily up and followed her in. “Go on, Jerry!”

The carriage lurched forward just as he sat down.

“Did you like it?” he asked.

“It was good,” Lily nodded, looking out the window. “I've never been to see a play here. Do you come often?”

“Mum and Dad drag me along.”

“My mum could never afford tickets to a play, much less a private box at a play! And Dad… Well, he was cheap even though he had the money.”

“Your parents are divorced?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. They hated each other and I loved my stepmother. Before they died three years ago, anyway.”

“I'm sorry for that then.”

She shrugged. “Death is something that happens everyday. There's this one poem called There's An Elephant In The Room. It goes:

There's an elephant in the room.

It is large & squatting, so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with "How are u?" and "I'm fine".

And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather.

We talk about work.

We talk about everything else—

Except the elephant in the room.

There's an elephant in the room

We all know it is there.

We r thinking about the elephant as we talk.

It is constantly on our minds.

For you see, it is a very big elephant.

But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.

Oh, please say her name.

Oh, please, say "Barbara" again.

Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,

Perhaps we can talk about her life.

Can I say "Barbara" & not have you look away?

For if I cannot, you are leaving me

Alone…

In a room…

With an elephant.”

“That's… different,” James said. “I'm guessing that the elephant symbolizes something?”

“Death,” Lily offered. “We don't like to talk about it, but it's there, so why do we avoid it? I won't say I don't miss them—because I do. But it's something that happens. People come and go, but it's their love that stays here forever.”

“You took it hard, huh?” he asked softly.

“Yeah.”

“When did your parents divorce?”

“When I was two months old,” she smiled. “My sister, Petunia, is about a year older than me. It came out that she was actually my dad's ex-best friend's daughter. Needless to say, it ruined their marriage. It wouldn't have been such an unhappy ending if my mum had ever gotten married with Petunia's dad like they were going to, but he died of a stroke.”

“How old was he?”

“Sixty-five.”

“Ill.”

Lily laughed. “No kidding. Point is, Petunia's always held it against me. So when I got Dad's inheritance…” She grinned at him. “You can imagine.”

“Ah. Sibling rivalry.”

“To the max. What about you?”

“My parents are so deeply in love it's sickening,” James grimaced.

“They kiss in front of you?”

“If only it were that!”

Lily giggled just as the carriage stopped in front of Somerset House. “I guess we're here.”

“Uh… Lily?” James said, not moving. “Do you want to… skip this?”

Lily cocked her head to the side, thinking. “By all means. Let's skip.”

-A/N: I answered all reviews on the review page. Thanks for reading guys!

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-Chapter Four: Did Someone Say “Royalty”?

-By Natali

(-Present…-)

“So, what were you up to, old man?” Rachel asked, smiling at the man across from her on the main street.

“Not a word, Rachel,” James whispered, grabbing her hand. “Come on, we'll talk back at my flat. I have a great need to bathe.”

“You had a great need to bathe two days ago, James,” Rachel muttered, preparing for apparition to the guys' flat.

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(-Later…-)

“So, why were you stalking Lily?” Rachel asked, looking through a photo album of James and his parents. “I noticed you were hanging out at her house yesterday. Spill.”

James sighed, running a hand through his wet hair. “Ok, Rachel, but you can't say a word about this to anybody.”

Rachel nodded. “Of course. That goes without saying.”

James closed his eyes, trying to psyche himself up for what was going to come—what he was going to have to relive.

“Has Lily… told you why I broke up with her?”

“No, and I haven't had the bollocks to ask her about it. I was hoping you'd enlighten me.”

“I'll bet the reason she hasn't told you is because… I haven't given her one to begin one.” He rose from the couch and went into the kitchen to pour himself a drink—a very strong one.

“You did what?” Rachel asked, raising her eyebrows.

“I haven't told her why I broke up with her.”

“And you're going to tell me?”

“No.”

“I didn't think so. Are you going to tell her?”

“Eventually. I just… can't. Rachel, I need to talk to her. If you could ask her if she wants to meet up with me, I'd really appreciate it.” He looked at her with pleading eyes. “I'd ask her, I would, but I've already tried to talk to her. And she ignored me entirely.”

“How long have you been stalking her house?”

“About a month, after my second attempt to make contact. I thought she needed a little time to recuperate, but it's only gotten worse. I spoke to her maid, and she said that she's lost a lot of weight. Doesn't sleep very good. Isn't the same person…”

“She wasn't,” Rachel affirmed. “But she's feeling better now. To an extent anyway. Do you really think she'll agree to see you if I ask her?”

“I hope so.”

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(-Back with Grace and Lily, at Lily's house…-)

“I wonder where Rachel disappeared to,” Grace mused, setting her stuff on a table. “Should we try her cell phone again?”

Lily shook her head. “She's heard the next story, to an extent. You were away shagging Remus when I told her.”

“Would you stop that!”

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September 30

Last night, I hadn't been able to finish my story. Anyway, James asked me if I wanted to skip the after party. Hey, I'm always up for a little romp in the sheets! But no, that wasn't quite what he had in mind.

At least, not for the immediate future.

And so, I think I'll finish the rest of my story. As you know, we got back to school at five in the morning. Well, what had happened before was… very nice. Now, diary, I'm not really quite sure what is up with us. Not truly. I've read the entry Mum put in here when she went out with my father for the first time—back when she claimed she loved him. For that matter, perhaps she's always loved him, but things just got complicated…

But I digress.

James had asked me if I wanted to skip the party. I've said that like four times. But it's the way that he asked. Now, he didn't get on bent knee and propose that we miss it. I'm not suggesting anything nearly as exaggerated. Maybe I mean what he was saying through his eyes?

So, I was confused. When I'm confused, I consult the earlier pages of my heavy volume that is a diary. Mum and Dad's first date was boring—she stated so herself. But it was about twenty entries later that I found what I was looking for. Something that related so much to me that it scared me…

Right now, diary, I am wearing a golden chain around my neck. But I have no idea what it stands for! James gave it to me. There's something symbolic about. I'm almost positive it holds some sort of magic, but I don't know what!

Perhaps I should just ask him?

Which wouldn't be so hard… If he hadn't asked me to not ask! But I'm getting ahead of myself. James told Jerry to go on ahead—to where, I didn't know until later.

It took awhile to get to our destination (though I'm very suspicious of the carriage flying above England. That or I've seriously misjudged where the place we went is located…), but we finally did. What can I say? What is there to say? I had a lovely time with a lovely person…

…Who knows how to give lovely gifts.

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(-Memories…-)

Lily sat in the carriage, playing with the zipper of her purse. For the past fifteen minutes, she and James had been silent. It wasn't necessarily an uncomfortable silence, but she wished they could talk about something.

I wish he'd kiss me, that's what I really wish. He can be as silent as he wants, so long as he's kissing me!

James's eyes met hers, and he smiled.

“Are you bored? You've been playing with the zipper for awhile. I'm sorry I'm not much of an interesting date.”

“No, I'm not bored. It was just something to do with my hands,” she explained, smiling back. This was what she wanted. This was, after all, a date—an engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest. Needless to say, James was of a romantic interest to her. “And you're very interesting.”

He shrugged, looking out the window. “Why'd you agree?”

“Pardon?” she asked, bewildered. Agree to what? Skip the after party?

“Why did you agree to go out with me?” he clarified, turning back to her. “You'd refused before. So why then, in the forest.”

Lily—for the first time in years—blushed. It wasn't a purposeful blush; he'd actually made her blush! “I'm not sure, James. But I'm glad I did.”

He nodded, turning his head to once again look out the window. “Me too.”

“If it helps any,” Lily continued, playing with her zipper again, “I think it was that you'd set the mood. The clearing really was wonderful, James. And… you were right.”

“About what?”

“There is loads of sex appeal.”

They shared an intimate smile, before James got up and joined her on her side of the carriage.

“You don't think this is too much then?” he whispered in her ear, breathing in her scented skin.

“Oh, it's definitely too much,” Lily giggled. “But I guess you were only trying your hardest.”

“Not my hardest. It could have been a lot more ridiculous,” James chortled. “I could have taken you to dinner with the Queen.”

“You are so dramatic, James.”

“I know.”

They fell silent once more, but it was no longer comfortable. The air was heavy with tension—I wonder what kind…?

“Sadly, I have one more thing to give you,” he said after a minute. “I was going to wait until later, but now seems as good a time as any.”

Lily looked at him warily. “What is it, a castle or something?”

“No, but that could be arranged.”

“Oh, sure.”

“Fine, don't believe me. But right, back to your gift—to celebrate my first date ever, and our first date together.”

“We should write this in the history books.”

“Sirius is taking care of it. I think that Remus is taking the pictures as well… When he's not off shagging Grace anyway,” he laughed, pulling her onto his lap. “Ok, I hope you like gold jewelry.”

“Well, save something for the surprise, will you?” Lily asked. She accepted the box James handed to her, and lifted off the lid. She'd never really perfected the art of accepting gifts (just how gracious should you be?), and this was one to top them all.

Inside lay a thing gold chain with a gold pendant, with what looked to be symbols of a sort on it. It was nothing out of the ordinary (at least, to the naked eye), but it was captivating all the same. There was something about the way the light would shine off the exquisite metal…

“It's lovely,” she whispered, taking it out of the box. “You're quite a spoiler.”

He grinned and took it from her hands to put it around her neck. “Yes, my family is famous for that. My father says that it's a Potter tradition. The girls are quite generous too.” He fastened the pretty necklace, and let it fall against her chest (glorious chest that it was).

Lily frowned in thought. “There's something… eerie about it. In a good way, don't get me wrong. It's just… different.”

“Lily, promise you'll never take it off,” he whispered in her ear.

“I won't,” she promised, fingering the pendant. “What does this say?”

“Don't ask and I won't have to tell you a lie.”

Lily scrunched her nose, but let it pass. Honestly, she didn't give a crap what it said.

“You are so beautiful, do you know that?” he asked, barely audible. Without waiting for her reply (though it was technically rhetorical), he leaned forward and softly brushed his lips against hers.

“Again,” she murmured.

So they kissed again, their tongues barely touching.

He briefly broke apart from her lips to whisper, “To many more, Lily.” And again their lips crushed the other. Just as James was about to deepen the kiss…

“Oof!” Lily fell on top of James (more than she already was, that is) as the carriage lurched to a stop. “You need to tell your driver to give a warning if he's going to brake like that.”

“I need to tell my driver to not ruin very good moments,” he bit out, seating Lily back onto her own seat and opening the door. “My lady,” he bowed, offering his hand to help her down.

Once she was out and had looked around, Lily burst out laughing. “This is the entrance to Hogwarts!”

James grinned and nodded. “What, did you think skipping the party meant we'd go somewhere else?” With a wink, he gave a squeeze to the hand he hadn't yet released. “Come, we'll go eat something in Hogsmeade. Jerry, thanks for everything.”

“Anytime, James.”

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(-Later…-)

“Mmm,” Lily sighed happily, trying to slip off her shoes.

“Damn it, where is that extra blanket?” James hissed, searching blindly with his hands while his lips were otherwise occupied with Lily.

“Forget the blanket.”

“I get very cold at night.”

“You won't be getting cold tonight. Trust me.”

(-To be explained and continued…-)

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(About twenty years before…)

Diary of Erica Thompson, March 23

Agatha Winsley's Boarding School for Girls

Today was the third date I've had with Christopher—Chris. It was so very sweet, in every possible way. He was so nervous! Maybe it was the pressure of improving his prior boring dates?

He was the perfect gentleman. It's such a nice change after Adam—bloody wanker. But never mind. If Madame knew I had escaped from the school… Heh, I would hate to think about what would happen to me.

It started off so nicely. Chris isn't very rich (which is ok, because nor am I), so it was a very casual date at a local restaurant—in his hometown, thirty or so miles from my school. We couldn't risk being seen by someone and having it get back to Madame.

It wasn't the dinner, or the place where we ate that really touched me. It was the way he treated me. He opened every door for me, helped me in and out of his car, tucked the chair in behind me in the restaurant… He even bowed when he picked me up and dropped me off! Didn't even try to kiss me.

I had such a good time. I haven't smiled so genuinely in a long time. I wish Mama didn't make me come to this stupid school. It's so high-strung, for the rich, “I can get anything because Daddy has truckloads of money” bitches that inhabit this concrete prison with me.

As I've mentioned before, we'd grown up together. He and his family had moved when he was fifteen and I was ten. Despite the somewhat large age difference (back then, anyway), we were reasonably close friends.

And somehow, when he told me he loved me tonight—after only meeting up again for two months!—I returned the statement.

And diary, I do mean it.

He is my escape, and such a sweet one too.

Today he also gave me a glass rose. Small, inexpensive, but the gesture was so full of love!

…And I haven't even kissed him yet.

I'll bet it will be like fireworks. It'll be such a reawakening that I'll never want to leave his arms, nor run into the arms of another.

By next year, I know I will be Mrs. Chris Evans. And the year after that I'll be pregnant with either Peter or Petunia Evans!

I'll finally be happy…

-Erica

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(-Present…-)

Lily stared down at the page her mum had written so many years earlier. It showed that love sometimes wore away.

“But Erica is different from me,” Lily told herself aloud, grateful for Grace's sudden need for the loo. “I am not going to screw up my life like she did.”

With that, she closed the book and threw it onto the floor. After a moment of pondering it, she picked it back up and opened it to an empty page, grabbing a quill to write. It'd been awhile—since James had come into her life practically. The only time she wrote was to write down important dates: James's first “I love you”, first talk about marriage, how many kids they'd have…

The same mistakes Chris and Erica had made.

Furious, and already crying, she began to write furiously.

Date: Who gives a fuck?

I hate him. I love him. I want to hurt him. I want to kiss all his troubles away…

What will the great Lily Evans, Queen of Hogwarts, do now? What would they all say?

They would all laugh, that's what! Lily Evans has finally fallen…

All hail the goddamned queen…

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(-Memories, a few months after their first date…-)

Lily Evans smiled as she walked down the halls with James Potter by her side, holding her hand and carrying her books. Everyone was watching them, though they tried to appear inconspicuous.

“Lils, James!” Grace said, walking up to her. “Have you heard what they're saying around school?”

Lily and James smiled at Grace's excitement.

“What?” Lily asked.

“You're the new king and queen of Hogwarts—or so they say,” Sirius said, jumping in next to them. “Ever since Longbottom and his girlfriend left last year, they've been looking for their replacements.”

Rachel came out of the Muggle Studies classroom, saw them, and having heard the gist of the conversation, joined them too. With a pinch on Sirius's bottom—at which he gave a surprised yelp—and said, “Yeah, and the lame ducks have even offered to come and crown you after the Quidditch Cup Tournament at the end of the year.”

Lily and James looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“That is so…” Lily began.

“Pathetic,” James finished. “Really, as if we need the Mob's approval of our relationship to go on living.”

Grace rolled her eyes, playfully shoving Remus when she passed him in the corridor. “Well, I just thought you two would like to know. Shall I pass it along the grapevine that you wish to accept your position, should you be chosen?”

They didn't even have to look at each other.

“Yes.”

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(-Present, at James's flat…-)

Rachel sipped some of her coffee while she watched James pack a bag—he was going back to stalk Lily's house again.

“If I were you,” she told him, “I'd take a tent.”

“I've rented one of the houses down the street from there.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Really? Well, good for you. Does that mean you're moving out of here?”

“I said renting. I haven't bought it—and won't, either.” He zipped the bag and hung it on his shoulder. “Ready to go, then? I'm sure they're wondering where you disappeared to.”

“I'm a big girl now,” she said. She sighed and stood up. “Ok, let's get this over with then.”

James sighed as he made ready to apparate to his new home for at least the next week. He wanted so badly to talk to Lily, but she just kept ignoring him. What would he do?

Wait until he could tell her everything, and then kiss her, propose to her, and not leave the bedroom for at least a week.

There was doubt in his mind though. What if he never got the chance?

“One more thing, Rachel,” he blurted out, dropping his bag. “I need you to do something for me.”

Rachel looked at him when she heard the trouble in his voice. “Yeah? What is it?”

He said as he walked to his room, “I'm going to write a letter. And if anything happens to me, I need you to give it to Lily. But only if something happens to me or if I tell you otherwise.”

“James, what the bloody hell are you talking about? Are you in some kind of trouble?” she asked, following him. “If you are, tell me. You're starting to scare me. First, you stalk Lily's house. Then you follow her to another town. And now you're telling me something might happen to you? No, this is just too much. I want you to walk up to her and tell her to her face and resolve all this shit, `cause you two love each other, whether you like it or not!”

“Rachel,” he warned.

“No, I'm not done!” she fumed, pushing him onto his bed in order to scream at him properly. “You broke Lily's heart—no, you broke Lily and haven't even apologized or given a reason for it. I've been understanding; hey, things happen. But you know, I think you're scum for doing that to her, I really do. Inside, at least. In the part of me that doesn't think you're a good guy.

“I know you are, but fuck it, James! You've hurt her so bad that she didn't even want to live. What the hell am I supposed to do? I love you, as a friend, and don't want to lose you. I love Remus too; Sirius even more because he's possibly the best guy ever!”

“Sirius—?”

“Do not interrupt me, Potter!” she cut in. “Now, as I was saying, you need to grow some and talk to her yourself, you little wanker! I don't care that she's ignoring you. That, in my opinion, is all your fault and what you deserve. I will talk to you tomorrow—wait for me by the fountain down the block from Lily's at one.” With that, she disappeared to Lily's house.

“Bloody hell,” he muttered, then smiled. “Sirius, eh?”

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-A/N: Ok guys. This is the last of the prewritten chapters. So, you'll have to wait. But I expect to have another chapter by tonight. If not, tomorrow. I've declared next week off because of midterms. Happy holidays.

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-Chapter Five: Like A Chain Around My Neck

-By Natali

Rachel popped into Lily's house, infuriated. She masked that quickly though, when she saw that Lily was looking straight at her. “Hi,” she smiled.

“Where were you?” Lily asked, as she took a bite of the cookie in her hand. It was nice to see her pigging out, but Rachel prayed she didn't get fat or anything. Lily had such a pretty body.

“Oh, nowhere. Where's Grace?” Rachel asked, changing the subject.

Lily's eyebrows knitted together. “I'm not sure. She asked if I would mind it if she disappeared for a few hours. I said no, asked her where she was going to go, but she totally ignored the question.”

Rachel smiled. “Sounds familiar.”

“Doesn't it?” Lily laughed. “Just like when she was shagging Remus. You don't think…?”

“No. She's over that. So is he for that matter.”

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(­-Where Grace had disappeared to…-)

Grace sighed happily as Remus played with her hair. This was pure heaven—in more ways than one. Yet, in the back of her mind, she couldn't help but worry about Lily and what James had done.

That is, whatever it was that he'd done.

“What's bothering you?” Remus asked her, kissing her temple. “You seem distracted.”

“Forgive me if I'm unable to carry on an intelligible conversation now,” she laughed, burrowing closer to him. She fiddled with his chest hairs as she contemplated how to begin. Finally, she went with the obvious. “You know what's bugging me.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I do. It's been bugging me too.”

“Alright, I know that something happened, and maybe James has a good reason, but the way he did it!” she exclaimed. “I'm so fucking pissed at him right now!” One of her fists clenched. “Damn it.”

“I know, but what do you want me to do? The bloke's my bloody best mate—I can't tell him to shove it or to get back with her. I can't even talk about it with him; he's forbidden us to.”

“He hasn't told you anything?”

“No. I told you, we wouldn't even have found out if we hadn't asked.”

“That's just… not James!”

“Obviously is.”

“There has to be something more. There has to be.”

“Keep dreaming.”

They fell silent, pondering their own thoughts. Of course there was something else. This little dilemma had to get resolved, and soon.

Their sex life was hurting.

“You know, for all this, Lily doesn't seem to want to get back with him,” Grace mused. “I mean, yeah, she's upset, she's hurt, and she's cried river and an ocean. But she's never actually said she wants him back. The love's still there, but not the desire.”

“The desire is there,” Remus insisted. “Trust me. I've heard James muttering in his sleep. He was so loud once that I went to see if something was wrong. He was crying.”

“In his sleep?”

“Yes. I don't know. I think we should butt out.”

“But they're not going to get together on their own! We need to help them,” she persisted.

“I really do think you should stay out of this, Grace. Maybe it's not meant to be. They obviously broke up for a good reason—maybe she's still mourning it?”

“No, she kept saying something about why he would do this or that. Some relationships need a second chance, you know. I say we force them to see each other.”

“Grace…”

“Our relationship needed another chance!” she continued, sitting up now and holding the sheet over her naked body. “Are you saying that we shouldn't have had one?”

“We are very different from James and Lily.”

“How?”

“For one, they've been together for years.”

“Bull shit! What's that got to do with it? If anything, it further proves my point. Years shouldn't be wasted. I won't rest until they're together again, Remus.”

“I hope you don't mind being on the go for a few lifetimes then.”

She glared at him and got out of the bed.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “Grace, come back. Don't be stupid.”

“You, Remus J. Lupin”—she pointed a finger at him—“have absolutely no sense of love in your coldhearted body.”

“Grace,” he sighed.

“No! How can you say that? They are our best friends, and you're lying there like you're the king of the world!” She grabbed her robes and began to put them on. “Well, guess what—you're not!”

“Grace,” he repeated, rolling off the bed. Such a drama queen…

“I hope you rot in hell, Lupin,” she sputtered, looking around wildly. “Where the bloody hell is my underwear?”

He smiled as she bent down to look under the bed. When she came back up with the item she was looking for in her hands and turned around, she jumped.

“Don't guys have any modesty? Do you always walk around naked as if it's nothing?” she snapped.

“It isn't anything,” he chuckled. “It's just a body. And you've seen it a few times, Grace.”

“Not the point.” She tried to fight his charm, but found herself smiling as he wrapped his arms around her. “I'm still going to leave. You're not changing my mind.”

“As long as you don't leave mad,” he whispered. “As for our little situation… Give it some time. If it counts for anything, I haven't seen James in about four days.”

Grace rolled her eyes. “Makes me feel splendid. He's probably wasting his fortune on some whore.”

Remus laughed.

“It's not funny!”

“James would never hire a whore, Grace. What I meant by it is that I think he's been around Lily's place.”

“And you think this because…?”

“I asked a buddy of mine for a favor,” he smiled. “I took a sample of his clothes and sent it into a lab, because I was curious to know as to where he'd been disappearing all this time. Turns out that there was dirt enough for three days there. And a certain element could only be found in Lily's little town…”

Grace squealed. “How nice!”

Suddenly the door opened. Sirius stepped in, finding a clothed Grace and naked Remus, who was hidden by Grace's body.

“Heh, hey, Sirius,” she smiled. “Long time no see. I'd go over and give you a hug, but…”

“Do you mind, Padfoot? We're kind of busy,” Remus frowned.

Sirius snickered. “This again, huh? Lord, this should be interesting. I knew you were seeing some girl. I'll talk to you two later.” He shut the door.

Grace giggled. “Funny. Oh well, so much for the secret. But tell him to keep it from Lily and James until this shit is resolved—I want to concentrate on them.” She looked at the clock on his dresser. “I've got to run. I have a few lesson plans to write up, and then Lils is telling me a story.”

She gave him a quick kiss before disappearing.

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(-Lily's House…-)

“You two need to stop disappearing on me, you know,” Lily said, chugging a bottle of beer. “Gosh, that felt good.”

Rachel chuckled, throwing a glance Grace's way. Someone had just gotten laid… But by who? Hmm, she'd take care of that later. Grace had that sedated look on her face.

It'd been awhile since she'd had it.

“Story?” Grace asked lazily, smiling at her hand. “Please? It's been such a nice day. I'd love for it to end well.”

“I'm sure it has been,” Rachel whispered into her ear while Lily grabbed the diary. “You will tell all later tonight. You can count on it.”

Grace humphed.

“Alright, on with our story,” Lily sighed. “Where were we?”

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(-Memories: The Explanation of what else occurred on the night of their first date…-)

There is fun.

And then there is fun.

Lily and James were having the latter. It was fun to sit in silence, fun to hold hands, fun to be with each other…

On a deeper scale, it was even great. Fantastic. Everything they'd ever subconsciously wanted…

Of course, since it was subconscious, neither knew that all the sex and all the boyfriends/girlfriends were all an attempt to find what they really wanted—love.

Many people believe that you fall in love once. Others believe you fall in love more than once. Some don't even believe in it.

So what's the truth?

They didn't know exactly, but they did know that there was something special between them. Love? Lust? Acid reflux?

Something had to explain the jittery feeling in her stomach that Lily felt whenever they touched.

Something had to explain the leap James's heart would take every time their eyes met.

Something had to explain the quickening of their pulses every time their lips touched.

Some people believe in love at first sight. Others believe you grow to someone. And again, some don't even believe in it to begin with, and therefore do not care how it is that you fall in love with someone.

It wasn't love at first sight, though maybe attraction.

Did it grow slowly?

And yet, they'd only really been “interested” in each other recently—though perhaps a little longer on James's side.

So then… what?

“About what time is it?” Lily asked, leaning on James as they headed back for Hogwarts. Her stomach was full, and she was warm inside from the butterbeer.

“It must be around one or so. Maybe later,” he replied, squeezing her hand. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yes, a great time. I hope you did too.”

“I did.”

She smiled, and kissed his cheek. “James, I… Well, I didn't think this would be so nice, to be honest. I knew I'd have a good time, but…” She shrugged. “I'm not sure how to explain.”

He didn't answer, but only kept walking.

Bothered by this, she asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Just thinking.”

“About?”

“Oh, a few things, this and that.” He sighed, switching her hand from his left to his right so that he could put his left arm around her waist.

“Don't we have to go in the same way we came out?”

“No. Filch is in bed. Besides, I brought something along. I don't think we'll be running into anybody. We'll just have to hurry.”

Lily nodded as James dropped her hand to look for something in his pocket.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “Filch is asleep.”

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(-Later…-)

They stifled their laughter as they made their way up the stairs. Peeves had been roaming one of the corridors, and he'd threatened to turn them in for sneaking around. They couldn't wait to see what the Bloody Baron was planning to do to him.

James had called in a favor of the Slytherin ghost.

“Shh, we're going to wake up the whole of Gryffindor,” Lily giggled, turning to go into her dormitory.

“Hey, Lils,” James whispered. “Aren't you going to say goodnight?”

“Say goodnight, or show goodnight?” she grinned. “Come here.” He obligingly leaned forward and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly.

A few minutes later, they were still “saying goodnight”.

“You know,” she whispered against his lips. “We could just make this a whole lot easier if we went to your dorm and got it over with.”

He raised an eyebrow, seeming to think about her proposal. “That would make sense,” he replied slowly. “Are you sure? No pressure.”

“Yes, I'm sure.”

Hand in hand, they hurried to the Seventh Year boys' dormitory, where James first stuck his head in to see if anyone was awake.

“No one,” he mouthed. “They're all still out, except for Peter.”

Lily nodded and followed him, tiptoeing past the sleeping boy's bed. He looked especially rat-like in the poor lighting.

“Your bed?” she mouthed to him, pointing at the object in question.

But he shook his head, and led her to the other side of the room, where he felt for something on the wall. Finally, he found a latch and pulled back the wall. It was only about a foot and a half in width, but they could squeeze through if they tried.

“Ladies first.”

She went in, trying to see in the darkness.

He too went in, but not before hanging a tie on his bedpost. That way, the others knew that the room was… occupied.

He shut the door and felt around for a light. Once found, he lit it.

“I have to ask. What is this room? Do I even want to know?” Lily asked quietly.

“You can talk at a normal level. It's soundproof. This was a room that Sirius found once quite by accident. He leaned against it and it fell open. And so, we bring a few friends here every once in awhile,” James explained. “Water?” He walked to a pitcher and poured them both drinks, handing one to her.

“Well, I have to say that I'm mildly impressed,” Lily nodded. “And it's not too bad looking either.” She watched, puzzled, as James probed through the room in search of something. “I'm not very patient, James. I think you should know that.”

She walked over to him and pressed her lips to his, nipping his bottom lip.

“I've learned,” he said throatily, and plunged his tongue into her mouth—still looking for whatever it was he was looking for.

“Mmm,” Lily sighed happily, trying to slip off her shoes.

“Damn it, where is that extra blanket?” James hissed, searching blindly with his hands while his lips were otherwise occupied with Lily.

“Forget the blanket.”

“I get very cold at night. It's a curse of a sort.”

She gave him a siren's smile and whispered into his ear, “You won't be getting cold tonight. Trust me.”

With a promise like that, it was all James could do to not rush and finish it right then.

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-A/N: Ok, then! I think this went well… Let me know what you guys think. I need to sleep, really… I have a lot of pressure to remain up to par. I hope my writing isn't declining…

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-Chapter Six: Garden Strolls

-By Natali

(-Present…-)

Lily opened the front door, heading for the park at the end of her street which was always empty. Something had changed in her overnight. Something was different about the whole place.

“Ah,” she said finally, while sitting on the swing. “James is here.” She glanced at the foreboding house to her left, where a young man was peeking out of the highest window, only an eye and a patch of black hair showing. She held his gaze, and he knew immediately that he was found out.

He'd told himself not to peek, but he hadn't been able to resist watching her, especially now that she seemed a bit happier about the whole thing. The fact that she was out was evident enough about her better mood.

Lily squinted up at him, regretting what she was about to do. But of course, she'd known she was going to do it perhaps even before this situation presented itself.

She called him down with one simple wave of her hand. After a quick check that there were no muggles around, he apparated down to her.

Hands in his pockets, he stepped closer slowly, finally seating himself in the swing next to her. The entire time, she'd been facing ahead and not even acknowledging his presence.

“I forgive you,” she stated simply, still not looking at him.

“Lily…” But he hesitated, running a hand through his hair. “I wish…”

“It's ok,” she whispered, finally turning to him. Her heart turned over as she noted how utterly… miserable he looked. Maybe even worse than she, because at least she was getting over it. “I've always forgiven you, you should've known that I would this time too. It just took me a little longer than the other times, James.”

“Lils, I didn't—”

“You've always hurt me, and that's ok. I don't think that you do it on purpose, it's just the way that you are,” she sighed, playing with the fringe on her skirt. “I long ago stopped holding grudges against you. So don't worry.”

“Lily, I want to talk—”

But she rose, stopping him. “No. I'm not exactly sure that I could take it,” she smiled honestly. It felt so good to her to smile. “Just tell me that you're sorry you've hurt me so much. And that's it. That's all that I really want to hear. Since our best mates seem to be getting together, we're going to be seeing a lot of each other, and there's no point in this being uncomfortable, is there?”

Don't do it, James. After all the work, after you promised to her so many times that you'd protect her, don't be selfish now and ask for her back. You don't deserve her, you scum. You're not even worthy to look at her, James told himself, looking away. You don't even deserve to live on the same planet as she is.

“Of course. I just… Lily, we can be friends can't we?” he asked timidly. If he couldn't have all of her, he might as well take what he could get.

She fingered something on her neck.

The necklace he'd given her so long ago, he realized, fighting to control the emotions within him. Why, of all the people, did I give it to her?

“Yes, James. One way or another, I need you in my life. Even as just a friend. Goodbye.” She turned and headed back for her own house, tears streaming down her face already. Part of her had been hoping… But no, that part of her was silly and had silly dreams and hopes.

“I'm so sorry, Lily,” he called after her. You moron, he berated. You selfish asshole. He stood up off the swing and headed after her. “Every time that I hurt you, I'm so sorry,” he told her once he'd caught up. “I never meant to.”

“It's ok,” she insisted, wary of the hand he was bringing to her cheek. “James, don't do this to me,” she pleaded. “Don't do this.”

“My beautiful flower of the forest,” he muttered, one lonely, solitary tear slipping out of his right eye. “You always did look breathtaking, even when you were feeling terrible.”

“I am not yours anymore,” she reminded softly, not angry. No, she sounded more pained and a little touched that he still considered her his, even if she wasn't. “You can't have me anymore.”

“I… I wasn't asking,” he forced out, dropping his hand. “I just… Ugh, I don't know. Lily, don't cry over me. I'm the biggest jackass ever to walk the face of the earth, and you're so much better off without me.”

“No, no, you're not.” She hung her head. “Don't tell me that, James. Don't tell me that I'm better off without you.” The tears streamed down her face a little faster now, and James was becoming alarmed. He'd never been good with crying females, much less one that he wanted to kiss so terribly.

“But you are. If you knew…” But he shook his head. “Forget it. I've never been able to lie to you, you know. It's a curse, and I'm sorry that I ever asked you out, Lily. I'm sorry for you, because now you're stuck with those memories.”

She looked up into the eyes of the man she loved—the man she'd always love—and pulled him into a tender hug. “I'm not. Not for one bit of it.”

He sighed, breathing in the scent of her hair, instantly soothing him. She began to sob harder, and he comforted her, softly patting her back.

“Lily, don't cry. It'll only make me feel lower than I already do, if that's possible,” he murmured into her hair.

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. You have nothing to feel sorry for.”

“No, I do. I'm sorry you're so sad,” she said, leaning back to look into his face. Even now, after all of the shit he'd put her through, she was still so sensitive to his needs. He wished that she wasn't.

“I'm fine,” he lied.

“Of course you are,” she nodded, kissing his cheek. “You've always been. Thank you for listening to me cry like a baby. And for finally helping me to let go.” She kissed his cheek once more, lingering just a little too long. “Bye.”

He watched her go, and it was official.

He'd finally lost the last person who he really cared about. Even Sirius and Remus were being pushed away by him.

“No more,” he said, gritting his teeth and fists clenched. “No more.”

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-December 3

Well, it's official. James and I broke up today. He's hurt me so badly, diary! All I did was talk to Brandon, and suddenly I'm flirting with every guy I see and a slut. He went out with this slut, so why the bloody hell does he care?! I don't get him, I don't understand him, and I hope he dies alone and cold and depressed when he's eighty.

Or perhaps even better, tomorrow morning.

I don't even know what happened, it's all such a blur… I swear, I've never even looked at someone else the entire time we were dating. I mean, the freaking “king and queen of Hogwarts”. If anything, I thought that showed how utterly happy we were with each other. And to top it off, the sex is awesome. But apparently, none of that matters…

No one even knows that we've broken up yet. I'd hate to see how people would react. I know of a few bitches that have been just waiting for me to screw it up. And those are their words exactly. But fine, I don't need him. I've never needed anyone, so why should I start now? Why should all of a sudden some guy mean something more to me than just a toy?

I wish I knew. Because that's exactly how I feel, and I can't wipe it out of my head. I feel so broken inside, which I suppose that I shouldn't, since I was sort of the one who introduced the idea of breaking up. But it wasn't my fault, he was overreacting for no damn reason, so what am I supposed to do, hmm?

Maybe beg him to take me back?

I'm seriously thinking about it, because I can't stand this. I'm not sure what it is about James Potter, but he's got me hooked. Hooked like a bloody fish. And I'm not going to be getting free anytime soon, if the river I've managed to cry in five minutes is any indication. Oh, damn, and I've managed to stain this page with tears, too!

…I've noticed that I haven't even told you the story yet, diary. I'm sure that you're just dying to hear what happened.

But then again, you were never really alive were you?

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(-Memories…-)

“What's the matter with you? And let go, you're squeezing me too hard!” Lily said as James shoved her into a random broom closet. “Gosh, James, what is wrong with you?”

“You're a slut,” he scowled in the dim room.

Her jaw dropped. “I'm sorry, what did you say to me just now? I know that you didn't just call me a slut. Because I suppose that that makes you the boyfriend of one.”

“You are,” he bit out. “You flirt with every bloody boy you pass, my best mates included. Lord only knows who you've cheated on me with.”

“Are you mad?” she asked incredulously. “Me? Why on earth would I cheat on you when I could've just dumped you and not have that on my conscience? And when have I ever flirted with Sirius or Remus?”

“And Peter.”

She burst out laughing. “I sure as hell didn't flirt with Peter. I find him about as attractive as rotting cheese on a dead frog.”

“Who knows what goes on in that head of yours.”

“I think something's gone to your head,” Lily sighed. “You're completely off your rocker—well off it.”

“Are you insulting me now?” James accused.

Lily only stared at him. “I think you've been looking for a reason to start this. If you want to break it off, James, I'll be a big girl and I can take it. No need to be subtle on my account. Although this isn't really subtle, but that's you, not me.”

“What, you want to break up?” he asked angrily.

She laughed, head thrown back. “What is the matter with you? Have you been smoking something? Are you a pothead? I've never dated one, and I'm not going to start now.”

“And still you insult me.”

“Would you shut up!” Lily shrieked. “Now, what's the problem here? You don't want me to talk to anyone with male genitals? Can I talk to the professors, or is that forbidden as well?”

“Don't be a smart ass,” James growled, stepping closer to her. “You know very well what the problem is. Am I supposed to sit there and watch you humiliate me, and flirting with every damn thing with a penis?”

“And don't forget the girls. I flirt with those too,” she snapped. “After all, I'm all for equality. And since I'm a slut, I can't exclude half of the human race. No, I'm for love all around. What, did you think that you were the only one who was going to get to sample Lily Evans while we were together? I thought you were on board with this idea, Potter.”

What had begun as a fake and forced anger soon became real.

Very real.

James pushed her a tad violently against the wall, and Lily recoiled, eyes closed and trembling.

He didn't want her to be afraid of him. He'd overreacted, and he hadn't meant to hurt her. But just… Oh, he was such an idiot. He hadn't thought his genius plan through so well after all.

“Go ahead. Hit me,” she dared him, looking straight into his eyes. “It's really no worse than you've already done. And it'll probably pain me less too.”

He backed away slowly, eventually out of the broom closet and away from it.

She slid to the floor, shaking. She'd truly been afraid that he was going to hit her, but thankfully he hadn't. But maybe what he did was just as bad.

“Don't cry,” she told herself bravely. “Not yet.”

She rose and headed out the door, rubbing the back of her head where she'd been slammed against the wall. That was going to leave a bump, she was convinced of it.

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(-Present…)

“How dare he?” Rachel asked angrily. “You know, he has some nerve to do all this to you. And I don't know why you put up with it. If I'd known about this, he wouldn't have been alive today.”

Grace agreed, but didn't say so. She felt that she had to let Lily know that there was more than one way to react to things. “Yet you didn't tell us. It seems to me that you lied to us a lot when you were with him.”

“I never lied to you,” Lily said immediately. “But you're right. I didn't tell you everything.”

“Why not?”

Lily shrugged. “Because he was always so nice and so sincere afterwards that I didn't want to create that tension.”

“There were other times?” Rachel asked warily.

“Yes, there were. Not as bad as that one though. But basically the same. He'd get jealous or upset about something, and we'd break up for about two hours before he came back and apologized.”

Rachel saw red. “You were too nice to him.”

Lily smiled. “Well, the makeup sex was always the kicks. I just couldn't resist.” With a sigh, she added, “But I did, today. I resisted.”

“He tried to make up with you?” Rachel asked curiously. “You actually talked to him?”

“I called him down from his house,” Lily replied. “I told him I'd forgiven him; again. And I'm not exactly sure what happened, and I don't feel like talking about it, if that's all right.”

“Of course,” Grace said understandingly, but Rachel wanted to know. She sent her friend a glare and shook her head. Pouting, Rachel sat back in her chair.

“Anyway,” Lily said, her tone much happier, “I feel so much better, and that's what I really needed to do. So I think that we should go to a club tonight, just for the fact that I need to get laid very badly. Oh, and bring along your boy toys.”

Rachel chuckled. “You always seem to know these things, Lils.”

“Yes, well. I am me, aren't I?” Lily smiled, rising. “Come on. You have to help me decide what to wear, because my past depression has addled my mind and I'm incapable of picking a flaming hot outfit. So come, you two lazy things. We're going up to my closet.”

“We'll be there for hours,” Grace groaned. “Your closet is bigger than my bedroom.”

“Don't be so exaggerated, Grace,” Lily laughed. “It's not bigger, but the same size. Really, people are going to think I'm addicted to clothes.”

“You are,” Rachel muttered as they went up the stairs.

“Yes, but no one needs to know that.”

She's finally back to her normal self, Grace thought thankfully. Oh, thank you, God. Thanks so much for bringing back our mate.

But Rachel was thinking a different thing entirely.

Lord help me to not murder that Potter prat. Pray for his conversion to the nice guy I know is in there somewhere in that thick head of his. For his own wellbeing, I hope he gets back to normal.

And, of course, Lily, being aware of her friends' thoughts sent her own silent prayer up to the heavens.

Don't let them see James for a few weeks, because I think they'll kill him. At least Rachel anyway.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You spoke to her?” Sirius asked, inspecting James's new home.

“She called me down and all,” James said miserably. “If anything, I'm sure more now than ever that it's good and over. Better for her.”

Remus glared at his best mate. “You could've told us something about this earlier, you know.”

“I could've,” James agreed. He sighed. “You have all the right to be pissed with me.”

“Funny thing is, I'm not,” Remus said angrily. “I'm mad because you're a complete idiot. You never think things through. And now, when you finally decide to tell us that the bloody necklace you gave her is what Voldemort's been looking for these recent months, it's too late to do shit about it!”

“She's perfectly safe,” James said weakly. “She was only in danger if we got married. He doesn't have a clue about who has the necklace.”

“And yet, I'm more worried for your sanity,” Remus spat. “You, obtuse as you are, gave it to someone you knew, and not some random person in a club.”

“Oh. I've never thought of that,” James mused.

“Of course not. You're dense. We've established this already,” Remus retorted sharply.

“Relax, Moony,” Sirius said in a warning tone. “We've been fighting for long enough. We all mess up.”

Fuming, Remus closed his eyes. “Fine. I'll shut up for now.”

“James, what're you going to do about this?” Sirius asked.

“Nothing,” James replied bitterly. “And don't you two try to convince me otherwise.”

“You don't deserve her. There's no way I'm going to try to convince you, of all things,” Remus growled.

“Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it that way,” James muttered sadly. For her safety.

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-A/N: Sorry it took me so long, but I really didn't have anything to write about. But I so loved writing this chapter, as sad as it made me. Next is a club scene.

Thanks to all for reading.

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!

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-Because I'm stupid, I'd forgotten to upload chapter seven here. So yeah. This is eight and seven. Sorry guys.

-Chapter Seven: Officially Nuts

-By Natali

Present Date—I've lost track

Well, here it is diary:

I am officially nuts. Officially. No doubt in my mind. James spoke with me yesterday, when I called him down. And I am officially nuts.

I, Lily Evans, am dressed up. What for? To go out. Go out where? To James's new house. Why? Because I'm about to accept him back.

If he begs enough.

Why again?

Because I love him, and I'm just so confused.

He's keeping some dark, dark, dark secret from me. I can just… TELL.

I'll write later. Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?

Depending on the outcome of my wild escapade, I may or may not write.

Guess which outcome would make me NOT write…

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(-Present…-)

“You are crazy,” Lily muttered. “Bloody crazy, and you've no clue what the fuck you're doing here, in front of James's new house, in front of his gate, the gate to his house, of which he bought in my neighborhood, the neighborhood in which I live, that also contains James's house.”

She took a deep breath, still staring at the white gate. All she'd have to do was open it, walk ten paces, and she'd be at the front door. Then she'd have to go inside. Then she'd—worst of all—have to figure out an excuse to why she was here in the first place.

“You don't think things through, you nincompoop,” she scolded herself, scowling. “Impulse. You've always done things on impulse. Why, wasn't that time that you and James went into the bathroom at The Three Broomsticks on impulse? And what happened afterward?” She shivered in remembrance. “Yes, oh, impulses. What a royal pain in my arse.”

Suddenly, the door opened, and Lily yelped, jumping slightly. “Oh, hi… Sirius. Erm, what are you doing here?”

“Sorry, Lils, wrong line,” he smiled, shutting the door. Sobering as he came closer to her, he dropped his voice and spoke out of the corner of his mouth. “James is watching you from the third story, in the attic. I suggest you stop making a fool of yourself, grow some, and get in there. I doubt he expects that you'd come in. Later.”

“Help yourself to anything in my fridge,” she called after him, as he was sure to be on his way to see Rachel.

“Thanks, will make sure to do that!”

Turning back—and now aware that someone was watching her—she slammed the gate open, and shut it. As if by their own accord, her feet started shuffling forward, and in no time she was at the door.

“Bloody hell,” she whimpered, knocking once then entering. The house was musty, but it was grand nonetheless. A sweeping staircase was to her right, and a two-story high entrance hall is where she found herself. The second floor balcony could be seen from her position, as well as its doors and boxes.

He must still be moving in.

She stepped forward carefully, trying to gauge where exactly the attic would be. It would have to overlook the front lawn, which law north. She turned to the stairs, and started her way up them.

“What a miracle James doesn't have a butler or some House Elf,” she muttered.

I've really got to stop this talking out loud to myself thing, she thought. It's spooking even me, and I must've looked utterly ridiculous from the attic, talking to myself and standing in front of that damned gate for five minutes.

Finally, after searching for several minutes, she managed to find a door open, with a staircase inside. It was a small, cramped space, but she felt she could do it. After all, if James's big manly frame could fit, so could she.

There's always apparating, she mused bitterly, climbing. Now why didn't I think of that before? Bloody idiot witch.

“James? You there?” she called out softly, winding her way through coats, boxes, dust, and what she was pretty sure was a pile of bones. She hoped there was a rat or something up here and not something else.

“We're here,” came his reply.

We? Lily's inside froze, and she halted for a moment. Who else could be with him, in this dusty, dark, private place? Was it a girl? Was she intruding? Lily felt sick, and wished she hadn't been impulsive.

“Why me?” she mouthed heavenward, continuing her trek.

“Yeah, we're here, Lily.”

Oh! It's Remus! Lily smiled, keeping down a giggle. It'd be nice to see him again. It's been a few months.

“Hello,” she said, emerging from a rack of dusty dresses that must have been from the early 1900s. With a cough, she waved. “Nice”—cough—“afternoon, isn't it? I”—cough—“hope I'm not”—cough—“interrupting.” She gave a sneeze, and then finally opened her watery eyes. She'd always been allergic to dust.

“You shouldn't have come up. You're allergic to dust,” James stated absently, handing her a handkerchief. It was one of the odd things about him. He'd always carried one, and one that matched with his clothes too.

“I'm fine,” Lily insisted. “Hi, Remus. How've you been?”

“Dandy, and randy,” Remus smiled, kissing her cheek. “Did you need something?”

“Well…” Lily hesitated, looking away. “I was hoping to speak with James a bit, if you don't mind.”

She was surprised by the scowl that came onto his face. “No,” he lied, starting forward. “Not a bit. James, do me a favor mate, and be a man, you coward.”

“Remus, shut up,” James said dryly, drinking something from a cup. “And by God, go get shagged with Sirius, will you? I'm tired of hearing you.”

“You need some sense in you,” Remus retorted hotly. “You've got something not right up in that head of yours! You—”

“What are you, children?” Lily interrupted, stepping between them and feeling like her old self. “Go on, Remus. I'll be fine.”

“I hope he won't,” Remus muttered, downing his own drink. “There's hard liquor in my room, if either of you will be needing it. Lily, I suggest you drink double. Good bye.” He disappeared with a pop.

“That was odd,” Lily said softly, turning to look at him. Her skin crawled, because he looking at her with that same look he used to get, one that had never made her doubt his feelings for her.

I love you, that look said. And I wish we were anywhere but here.

“Stop it,” she whispered, moving her head. “Don't do that, you don't mean it.”

“And you swear that I know what you're talking about.” He didn't expect to be answered, so she didn't. But his hands on her shoulders were too much.

“You've got nerve, Potter,” she said sharply, but not quite enough as much as James's conscience would've liked. Yeah, it hurt, but not enough to make him back off.

“So do you, standing in front of my house muttering to yourself.”

“Touché.” There was an eerie silence as she contemplated how she should begin her proposal. Finally, she decided on one. “Do you know what bugs me? How at the end of some stories people say `And they lived happily ever after'. That's not true, there's just no such thing.”

“There are things close to it,” he said carefully, choosing his words. “What do you mean by being here, Lils. Just say it.”

“You don't hate me.”

“No,” he sighed, “I do not.”

“You even called me Lils.”

“You've always been Lils to me, even before we went out. Always, in my head… In my heart.”

“You're lying.”

“I'm not; I really did think of you as—”

“Not that. Either you're lying about wanting to break up with me, or everything we've ever been has been a lie. A total, and huge lie.” Head still averted, she played with her necklace, pulling at his heart.

Don't you do it, you selfish jackass, Remus's voice said in his head. Don't you dare beg her back—you don't deserve her.

“I don't deserve you.”

“Who cares, and who's keeping track?”

“You don't get it, Lily!” he said angrily, stepping away. “You don't get it one bit!”

She whirled around, her fieriness—his favorite part—coming fully.

“Not because I don't want to, but because you've blocked me out and you've tried again and again and again to block me out, James Potter, and I've had it up to my fucking eyes with it!” she roared, growing red in the face. “I don't get it because you won't let me.”

He growled—he actually growled!—and stepped towards her menacingly. “I've kept you protected for a very long time, Lily, so don't start lecturing on `doing right'. If I didn't know what was right, I wouldn't be in this position right now! But because I'm human, just like you, I let down my guard and moved in seven bloody houses from you, where you can come and do… this!”

“This?” she repeated, pitch rising. “What is `this'? Is this coming over here, admitting my insanity, and trying to understand why I still want you back `this'? Is that bloody good enough for your `this', James?”

“Shut up, Lils, you're crazy and don't know the better of it.”

“Shove it up your arse, James. You've always been such an asshole.”

“At least I'm not a colossal bitch who can't seem to make up her fucking mind about any fucking feelings and doesn't care about toying with a man's already fucked up emotions.”

“Oh, you're one to talk, about `toying with emotions',” she hissed, poking his stomach hard. “You really do have the gall to say that, don't you? And I bet you totally believe it, too.”

“I laid it out for you—2+2=4. But no, you've got to go and give me a bloody equation. What is it? X equals the opposite of b plus or minus the square root of 4ac over 2a?”

She stared. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Forget it. Get out of my house, Lily, for your own good.”

“The hell I am!”

“The hell you are!”

“If you don't keep your voice down, someone's going to think there's something wrong up here and call the authorities or something,” she bit out, closing her eyes in aggravation.

“Oh, really?” he laughed. “And who exactly would hear us? BAM OUR FUCKING DOG?!”

“He is not `ours' anymore, he is `yours',” she screamed back. “Do you remember that I bought him for you one day in Diagon Alley, and we said we'd share him, but you kept him when you broke up with me for no reason!”

He drew breath in a hiss. “I had—have—a reason.”

A perfect, red eyebrow rose haughtily. “Oh, really? Let's hear it then. Let's hear why the infamous, dashing James Potter felt it necessary to break poor little Lily's heart.”

Abruptly, he pushed her back against a wall, and she broke out in tears, tired of trying to hold them back. She continued on relentlessly, driving a stake into his cold, lonely heart with every trenchant word.

“You're a worthless, useless waste of skin! I came over here to talk to you, James, because for some outrageous reason, I want you back because I have never loved someone the way that I love you. Never!” She gave a big sob. “And I'm such a fool, such a bloody, idiot fool!”

James remained quiet, the lump in his throat growing larger with each second. He was going to back down, he could feel it. After all that shit, he was backing down.

“The necklace,” he croaked out, gripping her arms tighter without realizing it. She winced in pain, but didn't make to move out of his reach. “The one I gave you—the one you're wearing—is what Lord Voldemort is looking for. I gave it to you because it wasn't safe in my family anymore. I'd never expected that… we'd last.” His grip tightened yet again, but Lily wasn't listening.

Hatred filled her, and her tears became angry—angrier than she'd ever been with him.

“How could you keep something like that from me?”

“I thought it was for the best.”

“WELL NOW LOOK WHERE WE ARE!” she screamed in his face, wrenching her arm out of his hold long enough to slap him across the face.

It seemed as if the whole world had stilled, and Lily stared in horror as her fingers began to appear on his face. “James, James… I didn't mean to…”

“Don't you get it?” he whispered lethally. “Don't you understand? For whatever reason the Dark Lord wants that necklace, the only way he could get it is if it was through my family and to end my line—the Potters—forever?”

“So why not prove him wrong?” she sniffed, leaning her head back against the wall.

“You're stupid if you don't see this, Lily.”

“Are we back to `this'?” she yelled. “I'll give you another slap, if that's what you need to right your head!”

“DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME AGAIN, LILY!” he roared, recapturing her arm and holding it against the old wall.

With all the hatred she could muster—and by now there was quite a lot of it—she put all her effort into conveying it in a deadly whisper. “I hate you.”

There are three words that could make you feel as if you're on top of the world, and then there are three that make you want to die, kill yourself, and never feel anything again. Maybe drink yourself into a drunken stupor and high dive off the Tower of London.

Those three words Lily had just told him so convincingly were the latter.

“I know,” he said simply. “I know you do.”

She collapsed against him, sobs racking her body. “No, no, no.”

“I hate me too,” he whispered into her hair. “I really can't see how you could ever love me. I'm the most—”

“James, I didn't mean it,” she whispered against his cheek, bringing up the hand that slapped him to the cheek that still bore her mark. With loving caresses, she managed to dull the sting a bit, but not the ache inside of him. “I didn't mean a word of it.”

“Yes, you did.”

“But I take it back.” She hugged him. “Why don't you talk to me?”

“Because. I don't want you to get hurt.”

“There are no such things as happy endings, but `there are things close to it'. Don't you think this is one?” she whispered, giving his jawbone tender, loving little kisses. “Why not?”

“Because you're on the line, and that's not something I'm willing to risk,” he replied, but he was returning the kisses. Slowly, but very surely.

“Together, James… when haven't we been able to do something?”

“We haven't been able to stay together for over a year.”

“No one is perfect,” she smiled, inching her way to his lips, the lips she'd missed so much.

“No, Lily,” he pleaded, brushing his lips on hers. “Oh, Lils.”

The silence in the attic this time was neither awkward nor angry nor sad. It was one that held promise, hope, a future.

And yeah, even love.

Lily sneezed suddenly, straight into James's mouth.

“Ew!” he laughed. And laughed and laughed and laughed…

She laughed with him, hugging his middle, and he hugged her back. They were like that for a long while until tears of laughter ran down their faces and their sides ached.

“That… was… one of the most… disgusting things I've ever witnessed,” he gasped, pulling her against him.

“It was just a sneeze!” she said in her defense. “You have my spit in your mouth, but me sneezing disgusts you?”

“No, it only amuses me,” he smiled, kissing her again, cutting off whatever smart retort she was preparing to make. “Let's get out of here, before you sneeze again.”

“You are so cruel!” she grinned, walking beside him in an intimate hug. “Does this mean we're back on…?”

-Chapter Eight: Jack and the Beanstalk

-By Natali

“Deep shit,” Rachel muttered, pacing the parlor where Remus and Sirius watched her, somber. Grace was watching Lily's cat play with its yarn, oblivious to the world. “I'll kill him.”

“Whatever,” Remus said, bored with it all. “You won't be able to do anything about it. You know how James and Lily are…”

“Yeah. All they have to do is be left alone long enough, and they'll shag each other. That's how they've managed to stay together all this time, you know,” Sirius muttered.

“It's James's fault. All of it is,” Grace pouted. “Do you know how much trouble this will be? Oh, it's just such a pain in the arse for us all.”

Rachel played with her glasses, biting the tip. “Dumbledore sound good?”

“First we need to sort of assess this situation,” Remus disagreed, rising. “I mean, how do we go about all this…? James failed to mention that the necklace existed, but Sirius and me have always known that there would be some sort of complication from Lord Voldemort. We even thought Lily was aware of this…”

“But she wasn't, obviously. And James, idiot, gave her the necklace,” Sirius groaned, pulling on his hair. “It's all James's fault for not telling us.”

“Can't they just give to someone else?” Grace asked.

“They could, but I doubt it'd work.”

“Meaning?”

“Magical objects don't like leaving their owners. I bet you that necklace would somehow find its way back to Lily.”

“What does that have to do with Voldemort anyway?” Rachel half-screamed, frustrated. “How is that supposed to help him kill off the Potters?”

“Not a clue,” Remus and Sirius shrugged simultaneously.

“Well, look who's here,” Rachel smiled. “I'm not sure whether to kill you guys or congratulate you…”

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June 19--.

Whoever decided that Jack and the Fucking Beanstalk was a good story, should be bopped on the head with a sledgehammer.

I hate stories now. Fables, fairy tales, stories of any and every kind… James told me loads of stories, just because his mum used to tell them to him, and he had loads in his empty brain. I hate stories… They remind of good times. Good times should go to hell. So should Jack and his fucking beanstalk. Oh why not send that idiot, mother fucking giant there too?! You know who should also go to hell?

James should go to hell.

Why does he keep doing this? He manages to ruin every bloody thing for me, yet there he goes, walking around as if he's just all fine and dandy. Well screw him. You'd figure, right, that since school is about to finish—for good now, mind you—that he'd be able to contain himself for the three blasted days that are left?

Yet no, here I am, Lily Evans, sobbing my heart out, because Mr. Fucking Potter couldn't keep his fucking pants the fuck up. Damn him! Where does he get off, doing things like this?!

Imagine my surprise when I come into his room and that whore Lorena di Maya is on top of him, bouncing around like she's in some sort of car with bad shock absorbers! I've never seen anything so unskillful as that bitch trying to do… whatever it was she was doing.

So I ask: “Something you want to tell me, James?”

You should have seen that black-haired cunt jump off him, trying to cover those tiny boobs of hers. I'm not even sure she has a full A cup yet!

Of all the creatures he could've cheated with… A fucking male would have been better!

I think it would've hurt me less, too. Imagine, me being rejected for Lousy-in-Bed Lorena! Talk about wounded pride…

He's such a prick. Just a handsome, practically perfect prick, pompous prat, pain in my arse GIT! Oh, damn, I'm using alliterations now. You know it's bad.

I feel, quite frankly, like digging myself a grave and laying my body down to die and wither away.

Dust to dust… Ashes to ashes… Eventually they all fall.

Even the king and queen of Hogwarts.

Or perhaps I should say especially?

I don't think it's fair to put me through all this. He done things like this before, yet all he's got to do to get me back is to look at me, tell me he'll never do it again, and say how much he cares about me, needs me… Loves me…

How much he loves me, how sad he was until I brightened up his life, how I make him quiver with lust just by saying his bloody name.

He promised he'd never want another.

So much for that. She wasn't exactly forcing him, was she? And the look on her face! Back stabbing bitch!!!! It told me all I needed to know: `Oops, you caught me with your boyfriend. We aren't sorry we did it, just that we got caught'.

During this lovely exchange of faces (during which my own countenance probably spoke loud and clear to her: `Go ahead, I dare you to fall asleep and close your eyes tonight! No one encroaches on what is mine'), that ingrate which I used to call my boyfriend was pulling on his pants and trying to talk to me.

In the movies, the scene always blurs, as if in slow motion, and the girl is seen running away, crying. I know how that feels, as of today.

He's outside right now, pounding on my door. `Lily, it's… not what you think' he keeps yelling, over and over and over again… Until that's all I hear, but I've managed to drown things out.

How can it not be what I think? I saw them shagging each other, and he wasn't doing much to fight her off either!

I'll kill myself. Of all the things he's done—would have done in the future, too—I would never have thought this…

His mantra's changed now. I wonder when? I hadn't noticed. Something to the effect of: `Open the door, please Lils, I've got to talk to you. Listen to me, my love'.

Dirty, rotten, cheating bastard.

I bet he hears me sobbing—I am, you know. I've never cried like this before. Not when my pets died, not when I found out that Petunia hated me, not when I understood what my mother would do with our mailmen, gardeners, and lawn mowers while Daddy was away on business. Not even then was I this hurt. Because I've never loved like this.

Obviously, he hasn't either. Loved, that is. Or at least, not me. Never me. That's what hurts too. Every time he whispered those three words to me (“I love you, my Flower of the Forest,” he whisper against my lips, nearly every night before bed…), it was all a lie.

One big lie.

How does someone go from utter, unmitigated happiness to wrist-slitting depression in less than thirty seconds?

Ask James Potter, and he'll be glad to explain it to you.

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-Memory of that entry…-

“You prick,” James groaned, leaning against the door, still topless. People were eyeing him oddly, and Lily's best mates looked about ready to kill him, even though they didn't know what he'd done.

They knew he'd done something.

“I think she's gone to sleep,” Rachel snapped, crossing her arms and pushing herself off the wall behind him. “Let me get in.”

“If you get in, then so do I,” he growled, examining his reddened palms. He must have been pounding on that door for at least half an hour now. “Anyway, she won't open the door.”

Grace grimaced. “What did you do? Usually Lily just hits you upside the head then moves on with life.” Her eyes were so penetrating that he felt as if she knew every little thing that had happened—Lily walking in, staring for a moment, yelling various epithets (in different languages), then running out, crying…

“Nothing,” he muttered, sighing and balling his fists up. Lils never cried… “If she wants to talk to me… I mean, if she comes out or opens the door, will you let me know? I want—need—to talk to her.”

Rachel and Grace stared at him as he walked off, trying to hold back tears, unbeknownst to them.

“What do you think he did?” Grace whispered to Rachel, turning toward their door. “Lils, it's just us. Open up.”

Silence, then a gut-wrenching sob.

Rachel and Grace looked at each other.

“Whoa, this is worse than the time that Lils didn't get an O.W.L. in Arithmancy,” Rachel gawked. “Should we get her chocolate? Alcohol? Finger paints?” Suddenly, the lock on the door clicked, and the door creaked open ominously.

“You should tell one of the House Elves to oil that door,” Lily sobbed throwing herself on the bed. “Please don't talk to me. Pretend I'm not even here.”

Of course, if Rachel and Grace hadn't known Lily so well, they wouldn't have known what she said, because her face was buried in her already soaked pillow, muffling the words so that it sounded something more like, “Heez don't hok fu me. Preten im not eve here,” with a dramatic wail on `here'.

“Oh, sure, because a sobbing 17-year-old red head is just normal,” Grace smiled, patting Lily back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Sure?”

“Yes. I don't. Go away. Please.”

Grace sighed, and dragged Rachel out.

“We shouldn't have left her,” Rachel mumbled, heading down the stairs for dinner. “What if she kills herself or something?” Grace knew she was only half-joking.

“I think,” Grace said sadly, “that we'll never really know what happened between them. Maybe it's a good thing?” she asked softly as they watched James sprint upstairs, slipping when the staircase became a slide. He managed to reach up there though, to their surprise.

“Yeah. If we knew, we might tear him to shreds…” Rachel agreed. “Poor Lily. Out of all of us, she was always the least violent.” She cast a look at Grace, who was giggling. “Ok, so maybe you are, and maybe you wouldn't tear the asshole to shreds. But I would!”

Back upstairs, James was holding Lily's wrists as she tried to pummel him. He wasn't exactly straining, but to him, her tears were more hurtful than her closed fists.

“Lily, please…” he begged.

“I hate you!” she yelled, wrenching herself from his grasp. “I do! I hate everything you do to me, you know that? I hate how I want to die because some bimbo spread her legs for you! I hate how I'm not even sure I blame you for it! I hate how I blame myself, because I'm obviously not enough.” She'd stopped sobbing by now—you could only go for so long before you got dehydrated—but she was still crying quietly.

“You were—are—enough, Lils,” James sighed, his heart dropping with each word. “I was stupid.”

“Am,” she corrected, lying down on her bed. “That's present tense. You always have been and always will be a bloody idiot. Always. And in my eyes even worse.”

“I deserve that,” he gulped.

“You deserve worse.”

“I don't deserve you.”

“You don't. Lucky for you, you don't have me anymore.”

“Lily—”

“Shut up and get out,” she interrupted. She sounded stuffy, and her eyes were so swollen she felt that she'd never be able to close her eyes.

“Lily, we need to talk,” James said more forcefully. “Let me tell you what happened.”

“I'm not blind, Potter. I know what happened,” she said coldly. “Please get out.”

James didn't move for a moment, but eventually moved for the door. “Eventually, Lils, you're going to have to talk to me. And when that day comes, I'm going to keep telling you what I'm going to tell you now: I love you.”

The thing he heard was the sound of a vase smashing against the door, where James's head had been just seconds before.

“Don't call me Lils,” she whispered, a tear slipping down her nose.

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-Present Time-

“You're joking? That's what he did?” Rachel shrieked, jumping out of her chair. “You even forgave him?!”

“Why, thank you, Rachel,” James said dryly. “It's an honor to know that you'll back me one-hundred and two percent.”

“Fuck off, you wanker!” Rachel spat. “You're useless, you know?”

“Rachel, shut up,” Grace sighed, rubbing her temples. “Lils forgave him, that's what matters.”

“And just look at where that got her—in danger of dying and possibly pregnant!” Rachel said exasperatedly.

“I'm not pregnant, Rachel,” Lily rolled her eyes.

“You could be! You two just shagged. Didn't you?”

“Rachel, shut up before I shut you up,” Lily growled. “I didn't tell you guys the story so that you could all gang up on James. And don't think I don't see you over there, Sirius, with that homicidal look in your eyes.”

“You're disgusting. She was your girlfriend! And with Lorena di Maya, of all the women, you chose her?” Sirius gasped. “My Lord, I'd take Lily over Rachel some days!”

“Usually around the time when I'm PMSing…” Rachel snickered.

“Let it go,” Lily said harshly. “That's not why I told you guys.”

“They're right, of course,” James shrugged. “I am disgusting. Wow, I didn't know your little diary there was so very… vehement. Very descriptive.”

“So why'd you take him back?” Grace asked.

“None of your business,” James and Lily both replied. The subject was dropped.

“So, what was the point of that?” Remus asked eventually.

“To show you how powerful Voldemort can be,” Lily said quietly. “James would never have…”

“In other words, even the oh-so-imperfect James Potter isn't as low as to sleep with someone who isn't his girlfriend. Thanks guys, I know how much trust you put in my character,” he snorted.

“Forget this, I want to party. Club, anyone?” Rachel said, jumping up, always the party girl…

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-A/N: Oh guys, I'm sorry! But I've been just as unfaithful to my other stories! Thank you to everyone! Please read and review, sorry for any typos, but I've been in front of this computer typing for too long to bother editing it. I'm usually pretty good about things like that, and I hardly spell check anyway, so nothing new.

Oh, yeah! LMAO, yes, I KNOW I got the quadratic formula wrong! I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to, but I couldn't remember it. On the bright side, my people in Algebra corrected me: x= the opposite of b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus 4 times a times c over two times a. Lol. Great, huh? BUT I'm glad that my readers aren't idiots! W00t w00t for all of ya'll!

Ok, as for the reason why James gave Lily the necklace… Basically because he felt like it and couldn't be bothered to give it to anyone else. Stupid? Yeah, sorry. But it seemed like an ok idea when I first thought of it…

Thank you all for reviewing, sorry that I can't give personal replies. But I do really appreciate it!

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