Deer to Me

Suns Golden Ray

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 06/12/2004
Last Updated: 16/12/2004
Status: completed

One day, during sixth year, James was out in the Forest in his Animagus form. He happened upon a very irate Lily Evans, who was fuming over "that stupid toe-rag." Lily, thinking that the stag is innocent, begins talking all about how much she hates him...and his cute arse. (First Book of the LJ Series)

Chapters

1. Get Over Yourself

2. Hotel Paper

3. Another Bag of Bricks

4. This Side

5. Infatuation

6. Cry

7. All I Want for Christmas

8. I'm With You

9. Done Hanging on Maybe

10. Perfect

11. Tuesday Morning

12. Stuck

13. Where is the Love?

14. Not Myself

15. My Valentine

16. The Distance

17. Tsubasa no Keikaku

18. Don't Speak

19. Get Yourself

20. Find My Way Back

21. Saints and Angels

22. The First Cut is the Deepest

1. Get Over Yourself

"Let me give you a tip:
Get out of my sight, get off of your knees
Get out of my face, get out of my sleep
Get out of my space
How long do I have to show and tell,
Scream and yell?
Get over yourself!"
- Get Over Yourself, SHeDaisy

Deer to Me
Chapter One

Once in a while, every girl has a bad day. Lily Evans, 6th year witch attending Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry was no exception.

The first thing that happened was she woke up this particular morning with a headache and stuffy nose. That never did bode well for her. She also had trouble sleeping the night before. For some reason, she could not close her eyes and sleep, but kept mulling over thoughts that centered around her future, NEWTs, her Transfiguration test, and two fellow Gryffindors, who had tricked a first year into eating a bewitched apple and his nose had grown five feet.

Said Gryffindors had continued to worsen her day when they had hexed a Slytherin fourth year from behind a statue. Lily had it on good authority that said Slytherin was one of said Gryffindor's brother. Still, it didn't stop her from going to McGonagall and requesting points be taken away. She would just earn them back in their next class, Herbology.

She failed to earn the points back in Herbology because they were studying something Slytherins obviously knew more about than she did. Plus she had to endure taunting from them, and that was never a good thing.

Had to take more points away because same Gryffindors hexed Severus Snape, their favorite target, citing that he had been rude to her in Herbology. She had to �patiently' remind them that he was not apart of the taunting, and more points went away.

To make her day oh so much better, herr period decided to show up out of NO WHERE during Care of Magical Creatures that day, along with body-bending cramps. She had to make up a very lame excuse to Professor Kettleburn and run back to the castle.

Finally, her school day was over. Now it was time to do her homework. That wasn't going so hot. First, she couldn't figure out how to begin her scroll for history. She started off with something not even remotely well-written, scratched that out, then began anew. Her next try ended badly because she kept misspelling every thing she wrote. Her third attempt went fairly well (except that half of the parchment was covered in ink blots from previous attempts) until she sneezed right on her paper. All of her somewhat well-written words were now covered in Merlin-knows-what.

With a strangled cry, Lily threw her parchment across the room. A few people looked over at her, but the rest ignored her as she retrieved the mistreated product of her tantrum to recopy it on a new piece of parchment. But when she turned to go back to her table, so clearly marked with her own things strewn from one end to another, someone was sitting at it.

And it wasn't just someone she could politely remind that she was sitting there and she was in a very bad mood and it would not be wise to continue the habitation of said claimed chair, either. It just had to be someone who had first been a part of the cause of her bad day. She was positive that he would mock her for her display of anger, then run his hand through his hair like the arrogant bastard he was and then have the AUDACITY to ask her on a date. AS IF Lily wanted to date that prick, which she DIDN'T.

"Hm...Evans love, you could have put an eye out." The target of her wrath stated very nonchalantly.

"What?" Lily retorted, trying to keep some sort of her famous temper under control.

"Throwing things across the room like you just did." He slid backwards in his chair and put his hands behind his head. "You could have put someone's eye out."

"Potter, today is not a good day," Lily stated through clenched teeth. "Get away from my table."

"Oh, is this your table?" James said. "Well, there's a little bit of space here for me, don't you think?"

"No."

"You got up."

"Potter, we are not first years any more. Can't you come up with a comeback that's at least your own age?"

"I know you are, but what am I?" That nearly sent Lily over the edge as she balled her hands into fists.

"Why can't you go sit at another table?" she spoke through clenched teeth.

"Because they're all full," he said, without looking around. Lily raised her eyebrow at him. There were about five people in the common room, as most everyone else was outside enjoying what was left of the afternoon.

"Really?"

"I...don't want to be alone at a table," James said, smiling at his own cleverness.

"Your best friend is right over there," Lily said, slowly losing what iota of her patience was left. Sure enough, his partner-in-crime was over by the fireplace, along with the rest of James's cohorts.

"Oh him. He can get really annoying sometimes."

Lily had never, ever, considered hurting another human being in her entire life. But right then, she was about an hair's breath away from socking James Potter right there in his arrogant little mouth. She let out a huff of air and sat down where she was before, pulling her history essay in front of her and copying it very neatly and precisely. She even found some good in her wasted parchment, it served as good scratch paper for her outline and-

Dear Merlin, was he singing now!!!

"James will you PLEASE be quiet?"

"Oh, was I singing aloud?" he said, very innocent-looking.

"YES!"

"You could have just politely asked me to be quiet, you know. You don't have to get your knickers in a twist."

"You...." Lily started but then went back to her essay with increased fervor. But now she couldn't concentrate. Just him sitting there was enough to drive her over the edge. She was waiting for anything, ANYTHING, any excuse to jump at him. She was just in one of those kinds of moods.

Suddenly, he coughed. A little clearing of the throat. Barely a noise. But it was enough.

"That is IT!" she exclaimed, taking her things and walking out of the common room. James looked at her with a funny expression and then shrugged it off. He looked around the common room and trotted over to Sirius.

"We going?"

"Waiting on you, mate," sirius said. "What was with Evans today?"

"I dunno. Probably on her period or something," James said.

"Most likely," sirius said. "So where we going tonight?"

"I thought we'd go see what's happening in the Forbidden Forest," James said. "What do you think?"

"Sounds like a good idea. Where's Moony?"

"Prefect duties," James said, upturning his nose. "I swear, ever since Dumbledore picked him for that damn job, he's been no fun."

"What about Wormtail? Where's he been?"

"Who knows," James said. "Looks like it's going to be just us after a while."

"At least until the next full moon," sirius added with a grin.

***

Life was so much more simpler when one was an animal. All of his odd feelings from puberty and red-heads virtually disappeared. All of his thoughts, though still there, just seemed much more serene.

Sirius was already ahead of him in the forest, chasing after some bird or something. James was taking his time, stretching his legs and feeling the wind in his fur and through his antlers. Suddenly, he stopped, pricking his ears up to listen.

"...damn asshole. Thinks he owns everything. Probably does, too. Spoiled brat..."

I know that voice. He trotted over to a clearing just on the edge of the forest where Lily was hunched over her homework, her wand a lit above her head and stuck into a hole in the tree. She had gotten a fair amount done, as evidence by her closed books, but she was still a long way to go.

James edged closer, his animal nose picking up her scent from yards away. He jumped when he stepped on a twig, and Lily looked up to see him. She gasped and James was half-intent to run away.

"What a gorgeous stag," she breathed. James realized that she didn't know who he was. He stepped back, a little hesitant of her when she stood up and approached him. "I didn't know that deer lived in the Forbidden Forest."

She reached a hand out and touched his fur. James twitched involuntarily at her cautious touches, but soon relaxed.

"You are so beautiful," she said, moving her hands up to pet his face. "And so calm."

As long as you keep petting, love. James's skin was crawling with her touch, and it sent tingles up and down his spine.

"You have his eyes," Lily stated, startling James. Who's eyes? He thought. Lily continued in her absent-minded conversation."Though I like yours better. James's are more arrogant. More self- satisfying."

Oh really? But you are talking about me, aren't you Lily. So you do think of me as something other than a bullying toe-rag. He felt cold when she left him to go back to where she had been sitting.

"I really hate him sometimes. He just rubs me the wrong way. I can't stand those arrogant guys that strut around thinking everyone's going to fall at their feet." James swivelled his head to look at her.

Do I strut?

"But then again, who could blame him. He's smart, funny, great at sports, not to mention he's got this beautiful body and this killer" James was pleased that she was about to say �bum', but she trailed off "...well, you get the picture." Lily laughed a little and James was pleased to notice a blush on her face.

You bet your sweet ass I do. I was right, you CAN'T resist my charms!

"Merlin, if he ever found out that I thought that, I don't think Hogwarts built doors big enough to fit his giant head."

Hey!

"Well I suppose it's all for the best that I can't stand him. He'd be perfect if he didn't have that arrogant air about him, and then where would we all be? There don't need to be perfect people in the world." Lily sat back down on her thinking spot and went back to work. James just stood there watching her.

"I thought you'd have left by now," Lily said, looking up at him. "I can't do my work with you staring at me like that."

But I could stare at you all night.

Lily looked up at the darkening sky above her. "I suppose I'll go in. Maybe that toe-rag's gone from the common room."

Wow, I went from killer ass to toe-rag in less than a minute. James lowered his head and nuzzled at the grass in embarrassment.

Lily gathered up her stuff and turned to him once more. "Well, I suppose I'll see you around." She walked towards him and gave him one last pet around the antlers. "Wish me luck against the prick."

This perception of me must change.

***

James burst into the 6th year dormitory and ran over to Sirius's bed. The curtains were drawn. He knocked on the wooden post. "Hey! Padfoot! I got something to tell you!"

He heard a sigh from inside the curtains. "Kinda busy right now, Prongs." He heard a feminine giggle.

"But this is important!" James whined.

"Next time your with a girl, James. Next time," Sirius muttered, throwing open the curtain. He was shirtless and so was the girl he was with. James recognized her as a 5th year. Sirius winked at her and shut the curtains behind him.

"What?"

"Nice," James smiled at him. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"What?"

"Guess what just happened?"

"What?" Sirius guessed. "Aliens landed?"

"No, I..." He took a glance at the bed and moved Sirius to the other side of the room. "I was in the Forbidden forest and guess who I found."

"The Minister of Magic?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "Hurry up."

"Lily," James grinned. Sirius blinked at him and then looked back over to the bed.

"You pulled me away from that to tell me that you found Evans in the forest. You are so dead."

"No, no. I was as a you-know-what, so she didn't know it was me," James said. "So then she started talking about how she hates me and whatnot-"

"James, if you didn't learn anything, I'm going to strangle you-"

"-I also learned that she thinks I have a sexy ass," sirius paused for a moment and then went back to the bed.

"Come get me if you learn anything Earth-shattering."

"But-" Sirius curtains closed and the girl behind it giggled and moaned.

"Hmph," James frowned at him. "Maybe Remus will understand."

***

He found his studious werewolf downstairs helping out a second year with a Swelling solution. Once the second year saw James come downstairs, he ran away in fright and Remus gave him a tired look.

"Must you always do that?" he sighed.

"What?" James shrugged. "I didn't do anything."

"What's on your mind." Remus asked. James related his problem to Remus. Remus tapped his quill on the table and listened patiently to James's story. His face changed from one of interest to one of indecision to one of caution.

"So what do you think?" James asked.

"James, I'm going to caution you," Remus said. "It sounds like you have stumbled across a way to listen to Lily's most private thoughts. Not to mention that you aren't her favorite person in the world and if she found out, she would be very hurt and feel very violated."

"Can't imagine why?" Remus wasn't surprised to see that James was serious about that statement. He was good at about everything else, except sometimes he had a tendency to gloss over other people's feelings to make him happy.

"James, I'm your friend, right?"

"Of course you are, Moony," James smiled at him.

"Then as your friend, I'm going to advise you against taking this route to get to Lily. It is just going to end up in a lot of pain for her and you probably won't get what your going for.

"Gee thanks a lot Moony," James frowned at him and stood up. "Something good happened to me and you're all pissy about it."

"Prongs, I-" Remus called after him, but he was on the other side of the room, where Peter was struggling with his homework.

"Hey Wormtail," James said. Peter looked up happily.

"Hey James!" James went into detail about his encounter in the forest and Peter was grinning the whole time.

"That's great, Prongs!"

James sighed. Good ol' Wormtail.

2. Hotel Paper

3. Another Bag of Bricks

4. This Side

5. Infatuation

"But Mama used to warn me
Not to rush love with another
...Ay, Mama, you seem to forget
I never will let a man control my emotions."
-Infatuation, Christina Aguilera

Chapter Five

Attention all 6th years
There will be a Ministry official conducting
an assembly concerning the new Auror training
program next Wednesday at 9am.
Attendance is optional.

This sign was up on the bulletin board in the Common Room and was surrounded by a huddle of people almost all the time. All four of the Marauders planned on attending, as they were all keen on becoming Aurors. James wanted to be one simply because it seemed like a good route, since he was good at about everything an Auror was supposed to be good at, and because he came from a family of Aurors. Sirius wanted to be an Auror to get back at his family. Peter only because James and Sirius were so adamant about it.

Remus was the only one out of the group completely terrified about life after Hogwarts. Oh, sure, he didn't shake in his boots like Peter was prone to doing, but in his own quiet way, his friends could see that he was nervous about leaving the shelters of Dumbledore.

"Don't worry about it, mate," Sirius told him while they were going into the Great Hall for the meeting. "The ministry is losing so many Aurors anyways that they'll hire anybody who can shoot a spell."

Remus didn't look too pleased with that response as they took their seats in the middle of the room.

Dumbledore was speaking with a rather old-looking woman, but upon closer inspection, she wasn't that old. James recognized her as Millicent Bagnold, the newly appointed Minister of Magic. She was causing quite a stir in the country with her rather un-orthodox methods of dealing with dark wizards.

Next to her was Professor McGonagall and someone James recognized from graduating Hogwarts a few years ago. He remembered him because he had an unfortunate last name, something that had to do with his ass. James' heart did a dance when he saw Lily enter the room as well. He didn't know that she wanted to be an Auror; he thought that she was going to be the Minister of Magic or something. He was about to shove Remus out of his seat to make a space for her when she went and sat with the only other girl in the room, James thought that she was from Ravenclaw. He slouched.

"There aren't any Slytherins here," Remus remarked with a wry smile on his face.

"No, there wouldn't be, would there," Sirius looked around. "Ten pounds says that we'll be killing them in five years."

"Or having them kill us," James said grimly.

"Yeah," Sirius swallowed hard.

"Attention, please," Dumbledore's soft voice rang out and suddenly everyone was quiet. James and Sirius were quite familiar with Dumbledore, having gone to visit him several times over the course of their years. They respected him so much because of what he did for Remus, that they tried to never stray out of line when it came to him.

"Attention. Thank you. The Minister of Magic has called this meeting to introduce a new program that will be running here at Hogwarts. I must caution you that those who decide to go into this endeavor must understand that they may not come out of it alive."

There was a slight movement in the seats around, but James kept still. He knew what came behind an Auror, his grandfather was one of those who fought and died against Grindelwald, so none of this was new to him.

"That being said, I have the honor of introducing Minister Bagnold." The woman nodded and came up to the stand, looking out on the students before her as if she knew that half of them would not live to see their 30th birthdays.

"The Ministry has just passed a new law to initiate an early-training Auror program in the schools around the country. The Auror training program, which usually takes three years to complete, has been shortened to two and a half. The first half will begin next January, in addition to your other classes. The rest will take place during your 7th year and beyond."

"Three guesses why they're doing this?" Sirius leaned over and whispered into James' ear. He nodded. It didn't surprise him that this was going on, what with Voldemort killing off everyone left and right.

"Now I don't think that I have to warn you that this is a very dangerous job. I would advise you to write home to your parents and tell them of your plans before you sign up. Also, this does not exempt you from your NEWT exams nor is it an excuse if you do not pass them. An Auror is expected to juggle many things at once and if you cannot pass your normal schoolwork with this then the occupation is not the one for you."

She continued on about the specifics of the program and the grades that were expected of each person, but James and Sirius were in quick conversation.

"You going to ask your mum, Padfoot?" James grinned.

"Yes, that'd be a lovely letter," Sirius snorted. "Dear Mum, I've decided to completely break away from our family and become an Auror. I'll say hello to the rest of the family as I curse them into oblivion. Love, from Sirius."

James snickered.

"You gonna ask your mum?" Sirius asked and James rolled his eyes.

"Do you know my mother or not? Of course I'm not going to tell her. Dad's going to be right jealous when he finds out though. He's never forgiven Voldemort for waiting so long to come about." James whispered back.

"James, you're dad is the coolest," Sirius smiled. "What about you Moony?"

"I'll have to speak with Dumbledore in private," Remus said quietly.

"Come on, Moony. I'll bet that the Minister'll hire you," Sirius said. "I mean, she's a girl, right? Girls are so much more understanding than boys are. She'll probably think that you're cute or something and hire you on the spot." Remus looked at the severe woman and then back to Sirius. "I don't think so, Padfoot."

The assembly ended and people milled around in a group to ask the Minister questions personally. Remus, James, and Sirius hung back and waited until everyone was done.

"Minister?" Remus ran to catch her before she left the room with Dumbledore. The old man turned to Remus with his eyes slightly sparkling and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, Mr. Lupin, Minister Bagnold and I were just talking about you before the meeting."

"Is this him, Dumbledore?" Minister Bagnold eyed him. "And you say that he's trustworthy?"

"I have named him a prefect."

"Minister!" James spoke up appearing beside Remus and grinning. His father was at the top of the department of International Cooperation and his mother was also high in the department of Magical Transportation and he'd had dinner with the minister on several occasions.

"Ah, Mr. Potter," she gave him an approving glance. "Your father said I might have to look out for you at this meeting. He said under no uncertain terms was I to prohibit you from joining."

"Good, then he'd say the same thing for my friend Mo-er...Remus Lupin here," he said, nodding. "He has my highest approval."

"Me too," Sirius spoke up. The Minister raised an eyebrow at him.

"A Slytherin Auror? This is a new one by me," she cleared her throat.

"Slytherin?" he laughed. "No, I'm a Gryffindor."

"But...you're a Black, aren't you?" she looked him over again. Sirius nodded.

"Oh, and do be kind and tell my father I'm signing up when you see him," he grinned. Dumbledore chuckled and the Minister sighed.

"I suppose you want me to allow Mr. Lupin into the program as well." She nodded towards Remus who was looking rather shy.

"Yes ma'am. He's only off three days of the month, if that," Sirius shrugged. "And since you're already losing people left and right, what's to loose?"

"Much, Mr. Black. Much." She suddenly looked older than she had before. "But I will consider your case, Mr. Lupin. As you have such...strong...favor." With that, the two of them left the Great Hall, leaving the three Marauders by themselves.

Sirius let out a loud sigh and exclaimed, "Wow, I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat."

"You're always hungry, Padfoot," James chided walking towards the window. Sure enough, Lily was on her way to the Forbidden Forest. "You can go, I've got an appointment to get to."

Remus made a sound of disapproval, but that was it.

***

Ok, Lily, what do you have to say about that? James thought, padding into the opening. Lily was pouring over a piece of parchment, but James noticed that there were no books strewn about as was usual.

"Hey," she said, looking up. "Just writing to Mum and telling her about the meeting." She read over what she had written. "Of course, I'm leaving out the whole fact that I am fighting a man who despises muggles and muggle-borns above all people so me joining is like a big target saying 'here I am! Kill me now!'" she laughed, but James could tell that it wasn't a convincing one.

"I just have this feeling that no matter where I go, I'm a target anyways, you know?" She gave him a piercing gaze. "So I figure that if I join up, I'll at least be able to protect myself a little better." She finished up her letter and signed it. Then she turned back to James.

"You know who I was quite surprised to see there?" She rolled up the parchment. "James Potter. He's so wrapped up in himself, I'm surprised that he would risk his life to save someone else. And Sirius too, I thought his whole family was into the dark arts."

Oh, how little you know me. Lily darling.

"It's kinda scary that there were only me and Emmeline for girls." Lily said. "I don't really know her all that well, I mean, we spoke a few times in Herbology, but that's it."

That's her name! Emmeline Vance. James was sure that Sirius had at least snogged her at one point.

"But you know, she's got some sense. She turned down Sirius Black when he asked her to his room one night, the only one in Ravenclaw to do so."

Ok, so maybe not.

"That Sirius Black. You know he's slept with every girl in my dorm except for me. I think he's going for every girl in the year, except for Bellatrix."

James suddenly felt sick when he had a mental image. Lily was laughing.

"Then again, that entire family is in-bred, so I'm sure it wouldn't be weird to them." She seemed to find this incredibly funny because her laughter echoed in the trees. James stopped the reeling of his stomach to listen to it. It sounded like tinkling bells to him and it made him want to have a goofy smile on his face.

"Still, that's one of the reasons why I won't date James Potter," she sighed. James shot her a look.

I most certainly am not pure-blood, nor am I in-bred.

"There's this rumor going around that James and Sirius are trying to sleep with all the girls in our year. I think the reason why James is so persistent is because I won't. You know what I mean? The grass is greener on the other side?"

Most certainly not. I want you because you're perfect. Sirius is just a man-whore.

"I don't think that I could handle it if I gave my heart to James and then find out that he just wants me to be another notch on his bedpost." She looked down on the ground. "I've never had a steady boyfriend. I want my first to be special and I don't want it to be James Potter.

But I do. James certainly had a long way to go if he wanted to gain her affections. And here he thought he was actually getting somewhere.

6. Cry

"I was changed...
The moment I saw you cry.
I wanted to hold you
I wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything all right."
-Cry, Mandy Moore

Chapter Six

Lily felt the back of her neck burn somewhat. She adjusted her sweater and heard more laughing. It was her old paranoia from primary school that when people laughed, the object of their laughing was her. Not to mention it was the Slytherin direction where the laughing was coming from. She, being the only full muggle-born between the two houses in the Herbology house right then, was the only one who could possibly be the object of ridicule.

She continued to prune her plant with a purpose and ignored the laughing behind her. She pushed a piece of hair out of her face and back into her braid and pushed her plant away from her. Professor Sprout came over and looked at her progress.

"Very good, Miss Evans. You may go after you've cleaned up your mess," she said, moving on. Lily pushed all of her leaves into her hands and threw them away, then gathered her books and bag and left the classroom.

After depositing her things in her dormitory, she wanted to go to the library to get another 6 inches of information before Transfiguration that afternoon.

She turned a corner and saw a gaggle of Slytherin walking in from the greenhouses. Lily wanted to avoid a confrontation with them, so she kept her head down and stayed close to the wall until she could reach the library.

No such luck.

"Hey Mudblood." One of them said, turning around to meet her. In an instant, the rest of the Slytherins had surrounded her in that way that only people with malicious intent had an ability to do. But Lily was not in the mood to deal with them right now. She tried to walk through their circle to no avail.

"We heard that you're going to be part of that new Auror program." Lily recognized the leader of the circle was Bellatrix Black, Sirius's cousin. She was widely known to be crazy, and Lily attributed it to the in-breeding. " You know my boyfriend is in the Dark Lord's inner circle. I'll be sure to tell him to kill you first. With that God-awful hair, you'll be a perfect target for him to hit."

"And I'll be sure to get him before he gets me," Lily spat back, knowing that she sounded very lame. The Slytherins agreed by laughing wildly at her.

"How are you going to do it, Mudblood?" Another sneered at her. She didn't know his name, because he was a 7th year. "Stun him to death? You people are too good to use the Unforgivable Curses."

"That's not necessarily a thing to be boasting, now is it?" Lily glared.

"What's this?" Someone took the notebook from under Lily's arm and began flipping through it.

"Well, well, well. The mudblood's got a penchant for the unforgivable curses. Maybe she isn't going to stun us to death."

"It's for Defense Against the Dark Arts," Lily said, exasperated, trying to get her notebook back.

Bellatrix's eyes lit up and she snatched the book away. She flipped through it, looking through Lily's meticulously written notes that took up three quarters of the book all ready.

"Oh really. Could it be for that research paper?" Lily didn't like the look in here eye and whipped out her wand.

"Give that back," Lily demanded. Another Slytherin took her wand from her, and, being about three feet taller than Lily was, she wasn't likely to get it back so soon. She turned back to Bellatrix, wandless, but determined not to show fear in the face of these people.

"Give me back my notebook." She was running out of options, but she wasn't going to let them know that. Bellatrix was now flipping backwards and forwards in the book the insane glean not leaving her eyes.

"This looks like a lot. Wouldn't it be too bad if it just....spontaneously exploded!"

Lily's eyes widened. She'd been working on that for months now. If they destroyed it, she'd be so far behind her schedule, not to mention all of those notes that she took, all gone.

"No!" She lunged for her book, but she was held by the robes just out of reach of her precious notebook.

The Slytherins were laughing themselves to tears when Bellatrix dangled her papers menacingly under her wand which was alight with flame. It was becoming black on the bottom and Lily's heart was racing and tears were filling her eyes, but she would not let them fall.

"Accio notebook," a very pissed voice behind them said.

The book zoomed out of the Bellatrix's hand and into another's. Lily turned, and to her relief, it was in the hands of another Gryffindor. But to her dismay, it was James Potter.

"Padfoot, Slytherins have sunk to a new level, don't you think?" James said, an angry fire burning in his eyes. Sirius had that same anger in his eyes.

"Definitely."

"Cousin," Bellatrix cooed.

"I'm not related to you," Sirius growled. Bellatrix just laughed and pushed Lily over into them. James caught her in his arms and didn't take his hate-filled eyes away from the group. The one with her wand flung it at her and it hit her in the shoulder. James pushed her behind him and pointed his wand along with Sirius.

"James, stop!" Lily cried.

"Lily, they need to be taught a lesson," James no longer cared if she watched him. They had gone too far this time.

"Evans, just stay back," Sirius growled. Bellatrix let out a high pitched laugh.

"My cousin and Potter, the mudblood lovers!" they laughed. James twisted his hand around his wand and stepped forwards.

"Let's see. Five points from each of you that said �mudblood,' ten points from each of you for fighting in the hallway. And if there are any more words out of any of you, they'll be more deducted."

They all looked to Remus who was standing into the doorway, arms folded and Prefect badge shining on his chest. He looked to Lily who was feeling very dumb at the moment. Her prefect badge just sat there on her chest, dull.

"Don't you agree, Lily?

"Yes," she said, quietly.

"You can't do that, Lupin," Bellatrix hissed.

"No," he said, punctuating every word with a step, "but I can tell Professor McGonagall and, as she usually agrees with my point deductions, it shall be done, mark my words."

"Shame you're all idiots so you can't salvage points," Sirius laughed very haughtily and walked away with the rest of the Marauders. Once they were out of earshot, James turned to Lily concerned.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine," she spat. "I didn't need your help."

"But-" Lily shoved him out of the way and continued walking. James stared after her, confused and hurt.

"Wow, that's gratitude for ya," Sirius sniffed. James turned to Remus and folded his arms in front of him.

"Care to explain that, Moony?" he demanded. "We just saved her from a group of Slytherins and she's all mad at us."

Remus opened his mouth and shrugged. "I am far from being the expert in the way a woman's mind works."

***

Lily wiped the page when a tear dropped on it. Some of her notes were singed, but they were all still there. She ran her hands down the bottom of the pages and they slightly chipped off. This caused a new wave of tears to fall down her cheeks and she pulled her knees up to her chin and just cried.

She heard movement to the side of her and lifted her head to see who it was, fearing that it was the Slytherins come back for another round at her. But it was that stag again.

In all of the years that James had known Lily, he had never seen her shed a tear. Even when she'd stubbed her toe on the fireplace, or when she got less than an �Acceptable' on an essay in Transfiguration during their 5th year, or when she got so mad at him that he could see steam coming out of her ears, she'd never cried.

And now she was curled up into a tiny ball bawling her eyes out because of a bunch of stupid Slytherins.

"You, again, huh?" Lily said, wiping her eyes. James could tell that she had been crying hard before he showed up because her voice was shaky. "I-I can't believe I let them get to me like that. It's not as if it was the f-first time or anything. I'm just so mad at myself for not doing what I should have done. I could have just done a simple spell, got my book back, and kept walking. I'm supposed to be an Auror-in-training. And I had to be saved by James bloody Potter and his band of idiots. Like I'm some sort of damsel in distress."

What's so bad about me saving you? James thought, walking closer to her.

"It's not like I'm trying to be a feminist or anything. It's just....I always feel like I have to prove something to everyone. I can't explain it. It's because I'm a muggle-born. A mudblood," she laughed ironically. "The things that the Slytherins say affect me. I feel like they're right sometimes. I feel like I shouldn't be at this school. I don't belong." She gave a wry smile. "I don't belong in the muggle world either."

James was right in front of her and could smell the salt of her old tears. You could belong with me.

"The girls in the dorm, they're all right, but they've all been raised on magic. I feel so lost sometimes and so dumb when they talk about things that go on at home," Lily said. She felt another good cry welling within her chest when she remembered her own home. "M-My sister's the s-same way, you know. She h-hates me because I'm a w-witch. I don't belong anywhere!" She dissolved into tears again.

He felt his heart stop. To witness her in such a vulnerable state was killing to him. So he reached his head forwards and nuzzled his head into her arms. Lily was startled at first but then began stroking his head.

"I guess I'd better get back. Lunch is probably over by now and I'd hate to be late for Professor McGonagall's lesson." She stood up and grabbed her books. James reached down and grabbed her notebook with his mouth and gave it to her. Lily was surprised at this action and began walking towards the castle, furiously wiping her cheeks so that her tears would have no trace left on her face.

Back in the clearing, James transformed back into his human self and let out a sigh. She'd mentioned once before how different things were for her because she was a muggle-born, but it never hit him exactly how different things were. When she went home, they knew nothing about Hogwarts and the things she learned, and when she came here, everything was already known to everybody, so explaining it was redundant to them. And what was up with her sister hating her? That wasn't right at all.

Seeing that she'd made it inside, he also began walking towards the castle. He'd be late for McGonagall by the looks of the time, but he'd always end up getting on her good side after a few minutes.

***

The common room was quiet for once, or at least it was for Lily, sitting next to the fire. She had eaten early so that she could save a spot on one of the big squishy arm chairs that she so loved to sit in. Now, she was completely immersed in the wonders of Charles Dickens, a childhood friend that she had brought along with her to Hogwarts. The Slytherin taunting was still weighing heavily in her mind and when she read Dickens it usually made her feel better.

She had always assumed that everyone else in the room realized that book + Lily + fireplace + squishy couch = don't disturb. But, then again, when one assumes it makes an ass out of u and me...

"Lily, Lily, lovely Lily. Lovely, lovely Lily. Lovely, Lily, lovely, Lily of the lake-"

"What Potter?" Lily snapped, turning the page. To her utter amazement, �Potter' plopped down on her arm rest and began reading over her shoulder.

"What's that you're reading?"

"Dickens, someone you wouldn't know anything about so don't ask-"

"Lily, I am shocked and appalled. I'll have you know that I do have some muggle in my family. Not much, but some. I have read John Dickens," James grinned at her. Lily gave him a dry look and continued with her book. James cleared his throat and Lily ignored him.

"You were supposed to laugh there."

"I'm not."

"Come on, Evans, be nice."

"Why? Because you saved me from the big, bad Slytherins?" Lily shot at him.

"No, because I'm just trying to cheer you up."

"That's rather kind of you Potter, but I think I have that taken care of."

"Apparently not," James muttered. Lily shot him a cold look.

"I don't need you to lead me around by the hand."

"So, how about that Charms essay, huh?" he laughed.

"James, please go away?" Lily said, her patience slowly leaving her.

"Lily, I'm trying to have a pleasant conversation with you," James said, leaning back on the armrest.

"And I'm trying to read, or can't you see past your own ego. The world doesn't revolve around you?" She snapped her book shut and began to walk away when James's words stopped her.

"Why do you push people away when they're trying to be friends with you?" He was pleased to see that Lily was stopped dead in her tracks. She appeared to recover because she whirled around and lashed out at him.

"I don't want to be friends with you, Potter!"

"But you don't have any others, so why not try to be friends with those who want to be friends with you?"

James later realized when Madam Pomfrey was placing the anti-swelling charm on his aching forehead that friendless-Lily was not a subject to be breached upon lightly.

7. All I Want for Christmas

"I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
...I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is You."
-All I Want for Christmas, Mariah Carey

Chapter Seven

With the coming of December, came the excited whispering of the break and the next Hogsmeade visit. Though Lily always went on the visits, she especially enjoyed the Christmas visit because it was when she got all of her Christmas shopping done (except for Petunia, who would never accept anything magical). The rest of her family always loved her assortment of magical gifts, from the wizard chess set to the giant bags of Honeyduke's sweets.

Which was why she was standing in front of a giant rack of chocolates of every magical size and shape and was looking at each bucket before moving onto the next. She always tried to bring some that she had never brought before, and old favorites.

"Try a slice of the thrice dipped honey chocolate pie," a voice behind her said. Lily shook her head, not recognizing the heavy voice.

"None of my family likes honey."

"Well, they are just muggles," Bellatrix Black slid into her line of vision and leaned up against the tiers of chocolates.

"Hullo Bellatrix," Lily said, attempting to be pleasant. She could still remember the evil girl dangling her precious notebook over flames earler.

"Lovely day, isn't it Lily?" Bellatrix let the �l's roll off of her tongue and Lily cringed a little.

"Yes, quite."

"Going home to the muggles next week?" Her eyes flashed and Lily felt a shiver run up her back. She lifted her chin and gave her a determined glance.

"Yes. I am."

"Have fun, then," Bellatrix sauntered away to terrorize more people. Lily watched her go and went back to her chocolate choosing.

She was worried that maybe Bellatrix was hinting to something, because she had that look in her eyes. But, then again, Bellatrix was completely mad. And she could have just been �making conversation' in that odd way that she did....

But even so, she quickly chose out her assorted sweets for her family and hurried out of the shop. Taking a few minutes to look for Bellatrix Black, Lily sauntered into the Three Broomsticks for a quick warm-up butterbeer before she continued with her Christmas shopping. She still needed to find something besides sweets for a few close people, and for her muggle friend, and-

The sound of high-pitched laughter brought her away from her thoughts. Sirius and James apparently were entertaining the entire bar with some sort of prank or story of a prank, Lily didn't care enough to find out which it was. Not really clamoring for another unneeded personal encounter, she slipped into the back of the bar where she could go over her Christmas list privately.

"Did you think you could come in here without me noticing?"

So much for privacy.

"Go away, Potter," Lily sighed, not looking up at him. Uninvited, he peered over her shoulder (thus, entering into her personal bubble, and making her quite uncomfortable), to see her list. She quickly stuffed it into her bag and scooted away from him.

"That's not very nice, now is it?" James took this as an invitation to sit next to her. Lily grimaced; she was trapped between Potter and the wall. "�Tis the season, after all..."

"None of the four seasons would make me want to be nice to you, Potter," Lily growled, agitated. James cleared his throat, blushing slightly, and pushed a crudely wrapped box towards her.

Lily also felt heat rise to her face. "What...is this?"

"I think it's generally known as a Christmas present..."

She blinked again. He had bought her a Christmas present?

"O-oh..." she said, quietly, pulling it close to her.

"Are you going to open it?" he asked, looking at her hopefully. She nodded slowly and began unwrapping the present gently.

All feelings of flattery fell away when she pulled out a notebook.

"Thanks..." Lily blinked. It was the thought that counts, but...how boring was a notebook?

"See, only you can write in it," he demonstrated by trying a writing spell on the paper. The ink just spattered off onto the table. "And you'll never reach the last page because it always keeps another there for you. And it's tear proof and stain proof" He pointed his wand at the pages. "And best of all, it's fireproof." He shot flames at the book and they repelled off, the same as the ink.

Lily was taken aback.

"I figured," James continued shakily, handing her the book back, "that if you had a fireproof notebook that the Slytherins couldn't ruin your notebooks again."

Lily could see that he was still concerned from the Slytherin episode a few weeks ago. She cleared her throat and slipped the book into her bag.

"Well, if people would get over this whole �pure-blood' nonsense, I wouldn't need to have this notebook, now would I?" She picked up her list again. "I suppose that I'll have to add your name down."

"You don't have to," James said, concerned at why she took so badly to the gift.

"Ah, James," The barmaid sauntered up to the two and placed a butterbeer in front of James. "On the house, for your wonderful storytelling." She took a look at Lily and gave James a wink. "James, who is this lovely date of yours?"

Before he could answer, Lily replied, "He most certainly not my date. He invited himself to the table."

"Er...I see," she said. "Would you like anything?"

"Butterbeer, please," Lily stated, matter-of-factly. James pushed his over to her and got up.

"You can have mine," he grumbled, looking much like a kicked puppy. Lily felt a pull in her heart and moved the butterbeer towards a more accessible spot.

Over on the other side of the Three Broomsticks, James plopped down next to Sirius who was currently turning a fork into a papaya and back again for some blonde 3rd year. James nudged Sirius who kicked him for interrupting his flirting time.

"Fine, I'll go find Moony," James growled, standing up and walking out of the bar. He pulled his coat closer around him and walked up the road to the Shrieking Shack. There he found Remus, staring at the house wistfully, leaning on the fence. This was where he spent a good deal of his Hogsmeade visits. James leaned up next to him.

"Did you need something, James?" Remus asked softly.

"She hated her gift," James blurted out. He knew that Remus was probably concerned about the upcoming full moon, but he couldn't concentrate on anything but Lily at the moment.

"What did you get her?" Remus asked.

"A notebook."

Remus shot him a dry look. "Quite romantic, James."

"It wasn't just any notebook," James glared at him. "It had a bunch of protective spells. I figured that if the Slytherins got a hold of her notebook again that she'd need one that could be as resilient as she is."

"I see. And she didn't like it?"

"No. Remus, I'm getting really confused," James whined. "You know her the best, could you go talk to her?"

"I suppose," Remus stood up. "After all, it is Christmas. �Tis the season."

"Remus, I could kiss you."

"Please don't."

***

Remus found Lily outside of a tobacco shop. She was checking something off of a piece of parchment and stuffed it back into her bag, continuing on down the street. He hurried over to her before she ran into another shop.

"Hey Lily!"

"Remus, hello," Lily seemed mildly surprised, but her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"What are you up to?" Remus asked. "I didn't know you smoked."

Lily blushed a little and held up a box of Reynold's Tricolor Tobacco. The sides read �Shape- shifting smoke!' and �Smoke comes out a different color every time!'

"It's for my father," she clarified. "What are you up to?"

"Shopping for Christmas," he nodded. "You?"

"The same."

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," Lily shook her head.

"Who do you shop for?" Remus asked.

"Oh, the usual. Mom, Dad, little brother."

Remus raised his eyebrow at that statement but continued on. "You have a little brother, I didn't know that?"

"Yeah, little brother and older sister," Lily said the latter with a sarcastic tone.

"You didn't mention her either, but from your tone I can tell that you don't like her very much."

"Not at all," Lily said. "She's jealous because I'm a witch and she's just a muggle."

"What about your little brother, is he muggle, too?"

Remus noted that the secretive smile that played on her face reached her eyes. "Well, maybe, maybe not. He's turning 11 next April. So I'm keeping an eye out for the owl post."

"I see," Remus continued walking.

"What about you? Brothers, sisters?" Lily asked.

"No, just me," he smiled. She shifted her bag on her shoulder as they passed Zonko's.

"I need to go get something for my little brother." Lily looked at her list. "What does a 10-year- old want?"

"You might ask James that."

"Why?" Lily's eyes narrowed at the mention of his name.

"He certainly acts 10-years-old," his eyes sparkled and Lily laughed.

"Oh, speaking of which, I have to get him something. So maybe I can get him and my brother the same thing at the same time."

Remus leaped at his chance. "Er-Why are you getting him a present?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "He gave me one. A notebook that's indestructable."

"You don't seem too enthralled by it."

"Well, honestly, the reasons for him giving it are rather dumb, don't you think?" Lily motioned to Zonko's and they stepped inside.

"Why?"

"I don't want things to be protected from Slytherins nor do I want to be protected," she sighed and picked up a self-reloading sling shot. "I want them to leave me alone."

"Understandable. But I think you should have given James credit for giving you the next best thing."

"But it's not," Lily protested, and the trick pen she was holding squirted out onto the table and then back into the pen again. "I knew that he sent you."

Remus only smiled back. "He told me that he wanted to give you something as resilient as you were."

Lily put down the pen and looked like she was milling over that thought. She looked back at him with a reluctant expression.

"Well, I guess."

"By the way, James told me that he was running out of his secret stash of cocoanut blizzard bites."

With that, Remus left Lily smiling thoughtfully, holding a rubber chicken that was popping back and forth from a pair of scissors.

8. I'm With You

9. Done Hanging on Maybe

"Last night I heard the sweetest sounds
And if I hadn't been drinking
I might have remembered more of what she said."
-Done Hanging on Maybe, Evan and Jaron

Chapter Nine

James was presumably still in his bed for the rest of the weekend, for Lily did not see him once. She suspected that after spending a night out in the snow, one would have a good chance of getting sick. Sirius, Remus, and Peter kept coming back and forth from the room laden with bowls of soup and glasses of juice. Lily thought it incredibly overdramatized, he was just milking it by not going to Madame Pomfrey for some Pepper-up potion.

She had more to worry about because in a few days she would be going home to face Petunia and her �charming' husband. She spent Sunday putting a dent into her holiday homework ahead of time because she was sure that she'd have no time to do it during the holidays, what with planning the wedding and spending time with her family and such.

Monday, Lily noted, exasperated, that James was not among the three Marauders that sauntered in a moment before McGonagall. She thought that having his friends gopher him soup and juice all weekend was bad enough, but missing school was just unsatisfactory. McGonagall noticed as well and put down her quill.

"Mr. Black, the school and this class has been unusually quiet as of late. Where has Mr. Potter disappeared to? Taking an early break, is he?"

Sirius put on his best innocent face. "No, Professor. He's sick."

"So I shall have to check with Poppy, shall I?"

"No ma'am. James isn't in the hospital wing. He's sleeping in our dorm."

"Don't you think it would be wise to remind him that there are potions for whatever ailments plague him? Except, of course, laziness-"

"Sorry Professor. Must have slept in." Even Professor McGonagall looked surprised. The voice, once charming and smooth, was raspy and low. James Potter, the once the sexy and debonair, now was the sickly and pale. He shuffled past her to take his seat next to Peter who scooted away a little, to avoid catching anything.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black has informed me that you have not seen Madame Pomfrey for your illness."

"No ma'am," James shook his head. "I'm not that sick."

But he coughed so loud that people around him took the same idea from Sirius and scooted away from James.

"I'm sure. Potter, you are dismissed from class, and I want you to go straight to Madame Pomfrey."

"But-"

"Now Potter," McGonagall barked. James gathered his things and mumbled things to himself, some of which Lily could discern as �child molester' and �broad, one year out of healing school, has no real training.' He slumped out of the door and the students could hear his hacking down the hallway.

After class, Sirius, Remus, and Peter shuffled down to the hospital wing presumably to go visit James. Lily's curiosity at their loyalty got the better of her and she ran to catch them.

"Why are you going to visit him?" Lily asked, positioning herself in-between them. "He's made you run up and down the school just because he's too stubborn to go to the school nurse."

Sirius chuckled, "Well, Lily, first off, you haven't seen Poppy around James, now have you?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Not that again. I'm sure that James is imagining it-" They came to the door. James sounded very horse and very scared.

"P-Please! Madame Pomfrey, don't-"

"Come now, Jimsey! It's just a simple sleeping drought." The voice of the school nurse, usually steely and calm, was light and flirting.

"B-But don't you have a potion for the flu?"

"Of course I do, but you don't have the flu, now do you?"

"What?!"

"You've got a severe case of the....the...Epstein-Barr virus," she cooed.

"Mono?!" James's voice was skeptical. "But I haven't even-" Sputtering and choking followed and Madame Pomfrey made a very happy sound.

Lily didn't look completely convinced, but she had her doubts about her initial reaction. Sirius poked his head in and looked around; the nurse had already gone. He and Remus tiptoed into the room and snuck behind the curtains where James was staying. Lily just walked through the room and flung open James's curtains. He let out a gasp of sheer terror.

"Relax Prongs, it's just Lily," Sirius said, waving his hand in front of James's face. James swatted at it only to hit Remus in the face.

"I thought it was �Poppy,'" James croaked. He was very pale against the white sheets and he had taken his glasses off, which gave him a very innocent, boyish look to him. Lily almost felt sorry for him. Key word being almost.

"Why'd she give you a sleeping drought?" Lily asked, sitting down on the bed after closing the curtains again. "She could just give you some Pepper-up-"

"She's always trying to keep me here overnight like that," James shivered. "She's real creepy, too."

"She's always so excited around-" Peter started but then Sirius kicked him, remembering that Lily was present.

"Around what?" Lily inquired.

"Quidditch games," Remus finished, smiling.

"At this rate, I'm never going to get out of here." He folded his arms and pouted. "Epstein-Barr disease my ass." He turned to look at Sirius. "Padfoot, you know better than I do-"

"James, that's a potted plant. I'm over here," Sirius grabbed James's face and adjusted it.

"Why don't you just put on your glasses?" Lily interjected mildly.

"Because the stupid broad took them," James squinted and he was sure that he was looking at Lily because her red hair was catching off of the sunlight.

"Why?"

"�Cause she knows that I'm completely blind without them," James said. "Can't see a bloody thing. So I can't escape."

"Ok, Mr. Potter, let's see how that drought is doing! I've found the potion that can begin to kill the virus, but I think you'll have to stay here all night-" She sang and thrust open the curtains. Her eyes lighted up when she saw Sirius and then to the calendar when she saw Remus. But Lily, who had never so much as gotten sick (if she had a sniffle, she used a muggle remedy and it was gone), had never been to the hospital wing.

"And you are?" she said, very haughtily. James reached out and snatched her hand.

"My girlfriend," he said, defiantly. Remus sighed and took James's hand out of his and into Lily's.

"Really?" Madame Pomfrey glared at her. "I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over."

"But what about them?" Lily asked. "And if I'm not mistaken-"

"-which she isn't a lot-" James spoke up.

"-visiting hours are from 7 in the morning until 7 at night," Lily recited, wondering why she was sticking up for Potter like this, and why she was getting butterflies when he held her hand in his.

"Where did you hear that?"

"It's on the door," Lily reminded her sweetly and pointed. She fought down a shiver when James rubbed his thumb on the top of her hand. Madame Pomfrey gave her a final glare and sputtered in indignation. She turned and shut the curtains, sweeping away, apparently defeated.

"Now, let go of my hand, Potter," Lily said. James (albeit very reluctantly) let go of her hand. She felt cold, but attributed it to the hospital wing.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"Only because you're sick," Lily stated, hoping that her cheeks weren't red. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I shall be going."

"Come visit me again." James begged. "I can't be here alone!"

"...I'll see what I can do."

Once she was gone, Sirius punched him in the shoulder. "OW!" James cried. "What was that for?"

"Did you not see her?" Sirius hissed.

"...mate, I'm blind."

"She was blushing," Peter said, excitedly.

"Was she? Really?"

"That she was," Remus said, a bit less enthusiastically.

***

Lily couldn't concentrate through History of Magic. She could just see James, sitting there in the hospital wing, being fretted over by Madame Pomfrey. She also couldn't help but remember that little pot of vapor rub sitting in her trunk and how soothing it was.

But this was Potter. She didn't owe him anything. He was a prick.

Well, she did owe him a Christmas present. She twirled her quill in her hands while she thought. If she did this for him, she wouldn't have to spend money on him. And then she wouldn't have to worry about his not being in class with her and everything would be back to normal.

Wait, when did she start caring whether or not James was in class with her?!

But, it did cover the Christmas present dilemma. She could just pop in there, give it to him, remind him �politely' not to use it all, and then return in the morning, he would be fresh and ready to get back to class with her.

But she didn't care whether or not he was in class with her at all. Not at all.

So after dinner, Lily grabbed her little blue bottle and trotted down to the hospital wing. She was mildly surprised to see a new sign that read:

Special holiday hours:
12pm to 1pm
Saturdays only

"Come off it, Madame Pomfrey!" James was still apparently horse. "You can't do that and you know it!"

"I'm quarantining you until you are healthy enough to be exposed to the student population. If I let you out and an outbreak of E. Boli erupts, we'll know who is to blame-"

"I thought you said it was the Epstein-Barr virus." James sounded very upset.

"Have you been to healer school, Jimsie?"

"No ma'am."

"Then shut up."

Lily turned with a little laugh and walked towards the Great Hall where dinner was currently being served. She sat near Sirius and Remus and could hear them talking about the new �visiting hours.'

"Completely daft bird, if you ask me." Sirius' mouth was full of food.

"She's a fairly pleasant person otherwise-"

"Oh you're just in love with her Moony because-" Peter winced and rubbed his shin. Sirius motioned to where Lily was sitting.

"Something on your mind, Lily?" Remus asked.

"Well, I was wondering whether or not you were going to sneak in to see James tonight."

"Of course we are," Sirius said, as if she had asked whether or not papayas were orange. "Why? You wanna sneak in, too?" His eyes gleamed mischievously. "Have an ickle crushy-wushy on Prongsy-wongsy?"

"No," Lily's cheeks were bright red to match her hair. "I just have his Christmas present to give him."

"I see," Sirius said. "Well, you can use James's Invisibility Cloak."

Lily's jaw dropped. "So that's how you do it all! I've heard those things are very expensive. How did James get a hold of one?"

Sirius shrugged, "It's supposed to be a family heirloom, but I figure that James is just spoiled rotten."

"Figures," Lily nodded. "So you don't think he'll be mad if I borrow it?"

"No, Lily, I don't think he'll be mad at all if you come and visit him," Sirius grinned.

"Are you positive that you're not coming?" Lily pleaded. Sirius had shown up with the cloak after dinner, but he had told her that neither he nor Remus were going to go.

"Yeah, I've got some stuff to do, and I don't want to intrude on your private time."

"There will be no private time." Lily rolled her eyes and put the cloak over her head. She disappeared instantly. It was odd, because the room was now veiled in the pattern on the cloak, and she walked right by people without them seeing her. Sirius walked her to the door and opened it for her, so it wouldn't look like the portrait door was swinging open on it's own.

"Hello Sirius darling," The Pink Lady crooned. Once they were out of earshot, Lily hissed at him, "Does everyone think that you're Heaven on Earth?"

Sirius sighed and turned towards the library. "Everyone except for you, Lily darling."

Lily didn't reply, but continued onto the hospital wing. The door was locked, but Lily used a hand unlocking charm and slipped inside unnoticed.

"Padfoot?" James croaked. "Padfoot, is that you?"

"No," Lily whispered and crept into the curtains, looking around for Madame Pomfrey.

"Peter? Mate, you need to grow some balls. You sound like a girl."

"I am a girl," Lily growled.

"Crimity, Wormtail! I never knew-"

"Don't be so daft, Potter." Lily took the cloak off of her and threw it on the bed. James, still blind, squinted in the growing dark.

"Only one person has such dulcet tones," James smiled. "What are you doing here Lily? Come to perform a daring rescue? Sweep me off my feet-"

"Where's Madame Pomfrey?" Lily was still whispering and she sat down quietly. James laughed.

"She's out at the moment. You're ok." James was still looking at her (or more accurately to three feet to the left of her) with astonishment. "You took my invisibility cloak from my room-"

"Borrowed from Sirius."

"-snuck down here-"

"The halls weren't that crowded."

"-just to see me?" James finished.

"No." Lily pulled out her tub of vapor rub. "I'm here to give you your Christmas present."

James eyes lit up because he, of course, couldn't see what she had taken out. For all he knew it could have been condoms.

"Merry Christmas indeed." A wide smile spread across his face, but then he let out a hacking cough that reverberated in his chest painfully.

"That's what you get for thinking so perverted," Lily chided. She was about to say more, but Madame Pomfrey came back in whistling. James motioned for Lily to cover up with the cloak and she barely made it before the happy nurse came back in with a big flask of sleeping potion.

"Now, Jimsie. You need your sleep or else you'll never get better."

"Now, how do I know that doesn't have some kind of reactant that will put me to sleep, but just make me sicker so that you can keep me here."

Madame Pomfrey made a little twittering laugh and sat down on the bed. James scooted back and she reached a hand out to flatten his hair.

"James, James. You've got such an imagination on you." She tapped his nose and then grabbed it, lifting the top of his head up and draining the potion inside his mouth. James was completely out of energy so he didn't fight as much as he had been doing, also, he didn't want to seem weak when Lily was standing right there. He knew she was there because he could feel the warmth coming off of her leg by his hand on the edge of the bed.

"Now, sleep tight, Jimsies!" She fluttered out of the room and shut off the lights. Lily waited a few minutes and then took off his cloak. She had a satisfied sort of grin on her face, or so James thought.

"Ok, now you've completely convinced me that she's mad. So I'm going to go ahead and give you your birthday present."

James sat back and let out a loud yawn.

"Stuff works fast," he stretched. "So, what's this present?"

"It's called vapor rub. You spread it on your chest-"

"Really!!!!" James sat up so fast it made his head spin. Lily smacked him hard.

"My mum used to spread it on my chest-"

"Kinky-"

"When I was a little girl." James now had no question on where to look now because Lily's face was shining so red that it was a beacon in the night.

"Oh," James winked. "What for?"

"When I was sick like you are now. You know, congested. Hoarse."

"I see." He thought for a moment. "But I thought that your family were muggles."

"They are, this is a muggle remedy."

"Whoa, whoa," he put his hands up. "Time out. I've heard stories about muggle remedies. Stitches and things like that." He shivered.

"James, would you rather be stuck here with Poppy?"

"Er....all right." He sat back and let out a deep breath. "What do I need to do?"

"Take off your shirt," Lily said before thinking. Why couldn't she just tell him to put it on himself?

"Oooh, Lily. You know I said anytime, but I don't want to get you sick," James laughed while unbuttoning his pajamas. Lily chose to ignore that comment, except her cheeks kept flaming red and wouldn't stop. She busied herself with unscrewing the top and took a moment to take a whiff of the stuff for herself. It reminded her of home and her mother.

"Are you sure about this?" Lily's blush returned full force. James was topless and he had some nice muscles. Lily dipped her fingers in the stuff and rubbed it on her hands. James was eyeing her oddly and she reached her hand out and placed her hand on his chest. He flinched and grabbed her hand.

"What?" Lily asked softly.

"Your hands are cold," he smiled, giving her hands a light squeeze. Lily continued to rub in the salve, completely aware that James' eyes were glue on her. Her hands ran along his deep neck lines and his prominent Adam's Apple and onto the grooves of his chest.

"Lily?"

"Hm?"

"It's not working," James grinned. Lily sighed and put a little bit more on his chest.

"It's not supposed to work immediately. Muggle medicine doesn't work that way. But your nose should be clearing up soon."

"Hm..." James yawned. All of this massaging felt nice and he was starting to loose the fight against the sleeping potion. He opened his eyes again to see Lily right above him. She was so close that he could see her face, but it was a bit fuzzy.

"James?"

"Hm?" Everything was starting to be a bit dreamy now.

"Are you nearsighted or farsighted?"

"Near," he murmured.

"How badly?"

"Pretty badly." He blinked slowly and then she was very close to him. He could count the freckles on her face. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5-

"What are you doing?" Lily asked.

"Counting the freckles on your face." But it sounded more like �coning the fregles yur mm' to Lily and she left it at that. Placing the now closed bottle on the table, then thinking better of it and placing it under his pillow, Lily too his discarded shirt and wrapped it around his neck to keep in the aromas.

And there she left him, snuggling his pillow and dreaming about freckles.

10. Perfect

"I'm never going to be good enough for you
Can't say that I'm all right
Because we've lose it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect."
-Perfect, Simple Plan
Chapter Ten

To Madame Pomfrey's chagrin and James's pure delight, he was feeling very well enough (or at least his voice had returned enough) for him to be let out of the hospital wing. He wasn't completely well yet, but he kept the stuff that Lily gave him close at hand. He didn't have long to �enjoy' his time back in classes however, the term ended two days later.

So here he was, the little blue tub stuck under his nose, his mother's hand-woven quilt wrapped around him, taking up one complete side of the compartment while Sirius and Peter took the other side playing chess. James could hear by the sounds of utter defeat that Sirius was taking a pounding time and time again. Peter may have been a complete bungler at everything else, but he was a genius when it came to chess. Perhaps it was because he wasn't afraid to sacrifice his entire army so that the king would be all right, whereas Sirius and James wanted to at least save the back row. Kinda hard to win against those odds.

His eyes were closed when the compartment door slipped open. He heart Remus's hello, he was back from his prefect duties.

"Sleeping is he?" Remus asked.

"As always," Sirius snorted. "I don't know what Evans did to that little bottle, but he hasn't let it go."

"Probably it's a reminder of her or something," Peter suggested.

"Quite odd if you ask me," Sirius muttered, rubbing his chin in thoughtfulness.

"What is?" Remus asked and James heard the cushions moving as if he was sitting down.

"I was just thinking how adamant Evans was to go visit him, even to the point of sneaking in there."

"Yes, I noticed that too," Remus winced as a particularly brutal knight slaughtered Sirius's pawn.

"Perhaps she doesn't think him so much a git as she lets on," Sirius grinned and directed the next pawn to take the knight. "She was blushing something awful when he took her hand the other day."

"Did he tell either of you what she did?" Peter was nonchalant when he directed a pawn Sirius hadn't noticed to take Sirius's pawn, a rook, and his queen. "Check."

"Damn you Wormtail," Sirius cursed. He stared at the board for a few moments, looking up at Peter's calculating face. He moved to touch his other rook so as to take the offending pawn, and Peter made a sound. Retracting his hand like the rook was on fire, he reached towards a pawn that was also close. Peter made another sound and gave a little shake of his head.

"Uh-uh?" he asked. Peter shook his head. Sirius brought his hand back to his mouth and tapped his nails on his teeth. He surveyed the board and made a sound like something had dawned on him. With a devious little cackle, he moved his king the only way it could go, left.

"Checkmate," Peter moved the pawn into the space where the king had previously been. Remus gave a chuckle.

"Your too trusting, Padfoot."

"You....little..." Sirius was shaking in anger. He lunged over the chessboard and knocked Peter over. The two wrestled for a moment, Sirius going for Peter's neck and Peter squealing like a girl.

"Come on guys!" James whined. "That's really loud!"

"Baby!" Sirius snorted, sitting on Peter. He gave a whimper of pain as Sirius was a lot bigger than he was.

"Maybe we should get Lily to come back. You seemed to make a miraculous recovery the last time," Remus chuckled.

"Yes, dear Prongs. What happened?" Sirius squirmed on top of Peter; he had a bony butt and it was digging into Peter's back.

"She just gave me my Christmas present," he said very ambiguously. Remus and Sirius looked at each other and Peter gave another whimper.

"And it was?" Sirius pressed.

"Very nice. But a little messy. She made me take off my shirt," James smiled. Remus might not have, but Sirius would definitely take it the wrong way. Sure enough Sirius was laughing and hitting him on the shoulder.

"Good going, Prongs!" Sirius was grinning from ear to ear. Peter was still on the ground and whined.

"I'm sure that you didn't..." Remus was more the type to take things with a grain of salt. "I mean, Lily's....James....you didn't-"

"Re-lax, Moonface," James said. "Nothing happened. She brought this stuff in and rubbed it all over my chest. It's a muggle remedy."

"So, she rubbed it on you?" Sirius asked him incredulously.

"Yup," James sat up and stretched. "I was quite surprised myself, but I'm not one to kick a gift horse in the mouth."

"Look," Remus corrected.

"What?" Sirius and James looked around, trying to figure out what Remus was talking about.

"No, the expression is �look a gift horse in the mouth.'"

"Well it makes more sense to say, �kick,' you know? I mean, what's so bad about looking at something," James shrugged. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Horses aside, why was she being so nice to you?" Sirius asked. "I think she might be warming up to you, Prongs? What's she been saying in the forest?"

"Nothing much," James said. "She hasn't been out there lately. I don't know why."

"I suppose she hasn't complained about it all that much," Remus said quietly. "I never hear the end of it during rounds."

"What?" James asked.

"She loathes the cold," Remus told him. "Absolutely hates it. That's why she didn't go out the other night."

"Well, I'll be..." James thought about this for a moment. "And you didn't think to tell me that?"

Remus shrugged. "Thought you knew."

Later on, they arrived at the station and James was immediately showered in kisses by his mother. She was all a twitter because James had written a pathetic letter to her saying that he was sick and that he really missed her (it always meant that he was off the hook for chores during his stay at home). The only thing he had to was endure the public show of affection and the taunting by Sirius.

Speaking of the old dog, he gave a glare to his own lot who were greeting his little brother Regulus with as much love and affection as the Blacks were famous for, a pat on the back and a curt nod. They looked to Sirius without much affection and made a motion for him to follow them. Sirius waved goodbye to James and grabbed his things, walking towards them with a grim face.

James turned to Remus, but he was already with his own family, his kind-looking mother and stern-looking father, and James knew that they were exactly how they looked. He, himself, was terrified of the older Mr. Lupin.

While James's own father went to retrieve his son's trunk, James looked out for Lily and her family. He'd only seen them in passing before, but now he took a good look at them.

Mr. Evans was a smart-looking man, if not a little rough around the edges. He gave Lily a quick kiss on the forehead and she said something about the state of his hand, for she was looking at it intently. From this far away, James couldn't see exactly what was wrong with them.

Mrs. Evans was a blonde woman with Lily's almond-shaped green eyes. She held herself much like Lily did and gave her daughter a hug, very lovingly. Lily spoke to her about something and they both smiled in laughter.

Next was a little blonde boy who was about two heads shorter than Lily. He lunched at her and she gave him a big hug. It warmed James's heart to see her with him for some reason. Lily stood up and James could see her entire continence change. She was much stiffer when she addressed the last two people.

The first was a woman a few years older than Lily. She was very thin and bony, not beautiful like Lily was, but there was some resemblance. Especially in the way they looked at each other, a perfect combination of restraint and intense dislike. Lily obviously didn't know the other person because the bony woman had to introduce them. The man nodded at her and had a purple face. Lily gave him a small smile-

"Come along, son," Mr. Potter called. He followed his son's line of sight and clapped him on the back. "Still onto that one, are you? Made any progress?"

"Actually, Dad, I have." James took one last look at Lily and left with his parents.

***

That night, James was sitting in the living room, completely full of his mother's cooking and very satisfied with life. The Christmas tree was rife with gifts, many of which bore his name. His room was untouched and welcoming, as was his bed. The beautiful vixen next door was playing with her three-year-old and he had a nice view when she bent over to pick him up. He was going to go check up on his friends down at the coffee shop down the road (Godric's Hollow was filled with muggles, James was sure that they were the only magical people in the entire town). They were always up for a good afternoon, even if they were muggles. They got into some scrapes just the same as he and Sirius.

He reached over to the table and pulled out his wand. He had turned of age at the beginning of October so he was able to go out and do things with his wand now. It made for a much lazier James as he Summoned his blanket to himself and snuggled with it for a moment before falling into a light sleep.

He jolted out of his sleep by a flash of light and thunder. He looked at the clock and rubbed his eyes, it was past midnight. But it wasn't the thunder that had awoken him, it was the banging on the door in the front door. James sat up and walked to the door, yawning loudly.

"Jim, what's going on?" His father called from the front door.

"Dunno Dad," James said, walking to the door and opening it. He blinked and turned on the light out front. Standing there, drenched in rain and shaking was Sirius. He was pale with patches of red dotting his cheeks. He had his trunk overflowing with his things and he looked at James, his eyes full of disbelief and hurt.

"James, can I stay here for a while?" Sirius asked.

"Sure, mate. What happened?" James said, moving away and letting Sirius walk in. He obviously said the wrong thing because it set Sirius off again. He threw his trunk down and began shaking violently again, but James realized that he was never cold.

"Those....those....those.....stupid...." He couldn't spit the words out as he paced the carpet.

"Sirius, son, why don't you sit down." Mr. Potter was downstairs now, and looking concerned at the angry teen in front of him.

"They wanted me to drop out of school to be a Death Eater!" Sirius exclaimed. James and his father were speechless. For a while the only sound was the pattering rain on the ceiling.

"What?" James said.

"They told me that �The Dark Lord has it right' and that I should �be taught alongside the right kind of people.' I told them that they can stuff it, in laymen's terms." He cast a cautious glance at Mr. Potter. "I'm never going back there as long as I live."

"Slimy gits," Mr. Potter said. "But you are welcome here as long as you like, you know that."

"I hate them. I hate them all," he said, sitting down and shaking still. "Them and they're stupid pure-blood nonsense."

"Will? James?" Mrs. Potter came out in her dressing gown and rubbed her eyes. "Sirius, what are you doing here? Merlin, you're shivering. Let me go make some tea, James, go fetch him a blanket."

"Yes Mum." James went to the cabinet and grabbed one of his grandmother's hand-sewn quilts and handed it to Sirius. He held it in his lap, but didn't unfold it.

"I'm not cold. I just keep hearing the things that they're saying. My father called me a disgrace and said that maybe my brother would make the name of Black great again. My mother blasted off my name on the family tree and told me that she was going to tell people that I had died, and I should just jump off a cliff because I was good for nothing else."

"Padfoot..." James was speechless. He knew of everything that Sirius had to deal with in his home, having been there once when he was 13 and been thrown out because he was not �pure- blood.'

"And what's worse, there was Regulus, smarmy bastard, telling them that he would be better and that he would do everything that I failed, and he would become a Death Eater in my stead. Stupid git, he doesn't realize what the Dark Lord means. He's going to start killing people next. And even if he wasn't, Prongs, I wouldn't even think about any of that. All through the argument, I kept seeing Lily and I wanted to shout at them that muggle-borns are just as good as the rest of us."

"You did the right thing, Padfoot," James said as his parents returned with food and a steaming cup of tea.

"James, go make up the spare bedroom, will you? And take Sirius's things" Mrs. Potter said to her husband. "I'd like to talk with Sirius."

"Sure," James said, getting up and walking upstairs. He was still reeling from that conversation with Sirius. He couldn't understand how family could hate each other so much. He switched on the light in the bedroom and set to making the bed (he was so used to doing things at home without magic that he forgot he could use it). How could his family say those things to him? He tucked the mattress cover over the ends of the mattress and shook his head. Things like that never made sense to James who was raised with the fact that no matter what, people should respect each other (greaseballs who were too into the dark arts didn't apply, but James never categorized him as anything but �it').

"Hey Prongs." Sirius walked into the room and sat down on the bed. He looked more tired than James had ever seen him.

"Sorry �bout your folks, mate," James smiled half-heartedly.

"Yeah. Bunch of blighters."

"What'd my mum and dad say?"

"Oh, you know, I should still try to make amends with my family, and that they're a bunch of idiots, that was your father-"

"Good ol' Dad," James said with a smile. If he was taught by his mother to love and respect everyone, he was taught by his father to loathe the dark arts.

"But that I could live here if I wanted," Sirius said, looking guilty. "I just....I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go."

"Good, I've always wanted a brother," James grinned. He honestly couldn't think of anything better than Sirius living with him. This meant that they could cause trouble from waking until sleeping.

"They aren't all that they're cracked up to be, believe me," Sirius laughed.

"Aw, come\ on. I'm the older one, right? So I get to boss you around?"

"Not likely Prongs."

***

James noticed that the next morning his mother had gone Christmas shopping and when she returned, the tree was twice as full as it had been before, and all of the new presents bore Sirius's name.

11. Tuesday Morning

"Tuesday Morning in the dark
I was finding out who you were
...If I had known then, that these things happen
Would they have happened with you?"
-Tuesday Morning, Michelle Branch

Chapter Eleven

Lily peered into the kitchen. There were trays and trays of cooling cookies all over the kitchen. She looked down at her partner-in-crime, who's blonde head was covered with a black hat to make him stand out less. They winked at each other and snuck into the kitchen, each heading towards a different end where their favorite variety was currently cooling. They both took a furtive glance around and reached out their hands.

"Hold it right there," A cold voice came from the doorframe. Lily and her accomplice winced at the same time and straightened up, putting their most innocent faces forwards.

"Hello Mum!" Lily cheered.

"I know what you two are doing." Mrs. Evans held a spatula in her hand and had the glare that Lily herself saved only for James.

"Mum, it's just one cookie!" Lily's second cried. "You have about fifty thousand more!"

"That's not the point, Oliver," Mrs. Evans began scooping a cooled pan into a basket. "These are for the bazaar tomorrow."

"Mummy, do I get to help this year?" Oliver cried, bouncing up and down.

"You get to be my special helper," Mrs. Evans said, ambiguously. Lily snorted. That meant that Oliver was going to be messenger boy.

"What did you sign me up for this year, Mum?" Lily asked, pulling Oliver into her lap, lovingly.

"Something easy, don't worry. I know this is your vacation." Mrs. Evans gave her daughter a smiling glance. "You will be at the face painting booth."

"Hey Lily," Oliver said, leaning back against her . "When can you show me magic?"

"After next May," Lily rolled her eyes, but still kept a smile on her face. "I've told you fifty times."

"Oh. Well, when am I going to get my letter?" Oliver asked, excitement in his voice.

"You may or may not get your letter," Lily reminded him. "But you'll get it in two July's if you do."

"Will you teach me?"

"Teach you what?"

"If I have magic, will you teach me?"

"That's what the professors are for," Lily reminded him. Oliver gave her a worried look.

"But I don't know any spells."

"Neither does anyone else. There are a lot of people just like you who come from all muggle families-"

"What is going on in here!?" Petunia hissed, sticking her bony head in the kitchen. "I have Vernon over, so stop talking about your abnormal-"

"Petunia!" Mrs. Evans's eyes grew large. "That is completely uncalled for."

She gave a quick and unbelievable apology. "Keep your speech to yourself." Petunia sneered and left the kitchen. Oliver turned back to Lily and frowned.

"I'm glad she's getting married. I was afraid she was going to be an old maid and I would be stuck with her until I left."

***

Lily's mother was part of a Ladies' Club that hosted a non-profit bazaar in the neighborhood to raise money to buy presents for the less fortunate children in the area for Christmas. Lily had always helped out, and it was something she looked forward to every December.

So she found herself at seven in the morning setting up her face paints and brushes and cups of water. She put her jacket around her tighter and frowned. She wished she could have created a little fire to keep her warm, or at least charmed her coat to keep her warm. The sky was completely clear, but the sun was not warming her up at all.

After painting flowers and such on some children's faces for a few hours, Lily peered out of her booth to see that the bazaar was in full swing. People were milling all around and she could see lots of bags in people's hands. Going back to sit down, she pulled out An Introduction to Aurors (a different book cover adorned the front, of course), and began reading it. One of the requirements was to completely cover the entire book during the Christmas holidays.

She heard someone walk inside and sit down and went for her brush, without looking up. "What do you want paint....ed..." she asked, trailing off.

"I want �James Potter is Sexy', or a JP and an LE with a little heart," came the cocky reply. James Potter was leaning on her little table with his cheek bared to her and an expectant look on his face, Sirius sniggering to the right of him.

"What...how....you....?" She couldn't voice the right question. He turned his head so that he was facing her properly and answered her questions one by one.

"Well, I wanted to see you, first of all. Second, I flew here. Don't worry, I used my invisibility cloak with Padfoot here. And I don't know what you were going to ask with the �you,'" he grinned. "But I'm making a donation, so you have to paint my cheek." To make a point, he threw a galleon into the jar. Lily glared at him and fished it out, giving it back to him.

"This is a muggle event," she reminded him. James nodded in understanding and pulled out a few notes. He threw them all into the jar in front of her and grinned, resuming his position of baring his cheek to her.

"What do you think, Padfoot?"

"I rather like, �James Potter is Sexy,'" he said, looking around. James nodded and looked to Lily who made a sound and dipped her brush in the paint. She paused for a moment and then a grin spread on her face. She took James's face in her hand and began painting, slowly and meticulously. James heart beat faster when her face came close and he could feel her breath on his face.

He heard snickering from Sirius and saw the delight in Lily's eyes and was suddenly worried for what was on his cheek. Lily sat back and dipped her paintbrush into the murky water. James looked to Sirius who was in all-out guffaws of laughter.

"What?!" James demanded. "Give me that mirror, Lily!"

"Nope," Lily snatched it away from his reach and laughed when he grabbed for it.

"Lily Shea! What on Earth did you write on that poor boy's face!" Lily frowned and peered out of her booth where her mother was standing. She beckoned James over to her and took his face in her hands.

"I suppose you are JP."

"Yes ma'am."

"I'm sure you're not a �smarmy git,'" she patted him on the shoulder. Lily muttered something like �that's debatable'. Mrs. Evans gave Lily a glare and turned back to James. "You don't have to donate anything, young man."

"Please," Sirius stood up, "Lily was only telling the truth. James here is a-" He chuckled "smarmy git."

"James?" Mrs. Evans gave Lily a sideways glance and then her eyes lit up. "So you're James Potter! Lily's always talking about you." Lily's face flushed bright red and her mouth dropped, gaping wordlessly.

"Nothing good, I imagine," he grinned, pleased as pie that Lily had been telling her mother about him.

"No, but I can see now that Lily was clearly overreacting," Mrs. Evans beamed. "You're such a charming young man."

"Why thank you, Mrs. Evans." Sirius rolled his eyes. James had begun to use the �I'm-so- charming-that-you-have-to-love-me' voice.

"But I don't think I can take you seriously until you wipe that paint off of your face." She went to go get a washcloth, but James, after looking around, whipped out his wand and pointed at his cheek.

"Scourgify," he said, simply and then put his wand away. Mrs. Evans was amazed.

"But-But you won't get in trouble?" she asked.

"Oh no, ma'am," James said. "I'm already 17."

"Really, now?" she said. "Fascinating."

"Yes, Mum, shouldn't you be going?" Lily urged. Mrs. Evans grinned at her.

"Actually, I just came to relieve you. Cynthia Rimes' daughter is here. So you can take your charming friends around and show them the bazaar."

"But-"

"But you'll do it." Mrs. Evans left no room for argument.

"I can certainly tell where Lily gets her charming temper from," James interjected, lightly.

"No, actually, she gets it from her father," Mrs. Evans beamed, walking away.

***

"So honestly, what are you doing here, Potter?" Lily asked as they walked around the bazaar. Sirius kept wanting to stop and examine the muggle things so they were by themselves.

"Well, Sirius moved in with me and we had all ready terrorized my family so we figured we'd come see what you were up to."

"He moved in with you?" Lily asked. "Why?"

"He ran away." James expression was stony. "His parents and their pure-blood nonsense again."

"Oh," Lily nodded as Sirius observed an alarm clock. "Poor guy."

"He's happier anyways," James said. "But anyways, we wanted to see what you were up to."

"I'm...flattered..." Lily said, giving him a strained smile. James seemed a bit put out, but cleared his throat.

"So what exactly is this?" He motioned to the grand selling and buying going on around them.

"My mum is part of a Ladies' club that does this annual bazaar to raise money for needy children around the town. I've always helped out," Lily said.

"Do you always paint mean things on people's cheeks?" He gave her a mock glare. Lily blushed and shook her head.

"Only special pricks, Potter."

"I'm touched."

***

Lily found it incredibly easy to talk with James Potter when he wasn't surrounded by other people and being a complete prick. Sirius had disappeared sometime during their conversation and so it was just the two of them walking around Lily's home town as the day progressed into afternoon and then evening.

One of the things that surprised Lily the most was the fact that James was so knowledgeable of muggles. She finally asked him about it and he explained that he lived in a muggle town called Godric's Hollow.

"But...I thought you were pure-blood," Lily said. James gave a little laugh and shook his head.

"I've got some muggle born and half-blood and all of that," James said. "But I do know that I can trace my lineage all the way to Godric Gryffindor."

"Really?" Lily smiled at him. "That's amazing."

"Yeah, I had no question on where I was going to be sorted."

"I wasn't sure that I was going to be sorted at all," Lily grinned sheepishly. "I thought that they'd check their list again and then look at me and say, �Sorry, we made a mistake. We meant another Lily Evans' and send me home."

This seemed to amuse James because he was laughing very heartily. She took some offense to this; she thought it was a very valid thought and it had worried her the entire train ride to Hogwarts.

"What's so funny?"

"Lily, nobody could mistake you for someone else, trust me," James said. "You're one of a kind."

To this, Lily blushed and they walked on in companionable silence. He turned to look at her when she shivered a little.

"Cold?" James asked.

"Yes," Lily looked back at him. "I loathe the cold."

"So I've noticed." James muttered. He looked down to the very warm jacket (his mum had put a Warming Charm on it to keep her Jamie warm) and then shrugged it off, handing it to her. She looked at it and shook her head.

"You'll be cold, won't you?"

"Nah, when you play Quidditch as much as I do, you tend to become immune to the cold." He offered it again and she took it, putting it on. Out of the corner of his eye, James saw her press her nose to the fold and smile a little bit. His heart leapt into his throat.

"It's getting dark," he observed, clearing his throat.

"You are so observant," Lily chortled back. She held the jacket closer to her and looked down at the road. "You're in the Auror Program, aren't you?"

"Yeah, defeating dark wizards runs in the family," he laughed. "Started reading the book yet?"

"Breezed through the first few chapters. I'm not so sure I want to do it anymore," Lily admitted. "I mean, if I loose it in front of a whole bunch of Slytherins, how am I even going to compare to the Dark Lord?"

James was silent for a little bit. "Why do you let them get to you?" he asked quietly.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because it's true?" Lily looked at him. He stopped her.

"How is it true?" he said.

"You know, I am muggle born. And maybe I'm not as good as they are-"

"Says who?"

"I'm not," Lily shrugged, shuffling down the sidewalk once more. Down the road was a playground with some nice swings, and she fancied a sit from walking around all day.

"Yes you are," James caught up with her. "You're twenty times the witch that they are."

"Not something to be broadcasting in the middle of a muggle neighborhood, Potter," Lily said through gritted teeth as an elderly couple walked by. James looked at them and then back to Lily.

"Not as if they can hear anything anyways, huh?" he nudged her. She glared at him.

"That was mean."

He retracted. "Sorry." He sat down next to Lily on the swing set and watched her rock back and forth for a few minutes. She sighed and looked up at the sky and James cleared his throat, looking down at the grass. "Is that the only reason why they get to you?" he asked. "Because you think that they're better than you are?"

"Not just that." Lily was very interested in the stars above them.

"Well?"

"I guess..." She trailed off and turned to look at him. "I guess that I'm terrified that if I make them mad that they'll come after my family. I feel like I'm fighting a war on two fronts. Defending myself, and defending the homeland."

"Have you talked with Dumbledore about this?" James asked. Lily gave him a wry look.

"Dumbledore? The headmaster? Sorry, James, but I'm sure that he doesn't really care about me. I mean, I'm just another muggle-born with a family, right?"

"You don't know him that well, do you?" he laughed.

"Well, seeing as I'm not the descendent of the founder of Hogwarts, no," Lily snapped.

James played with the swing chains. "Dumbledore doesn't care who you are. He treats everyone the same. Even if you're Godric Gryffindor's heir or if you're some slimy greaseball."

"James," Lily sighed, exasperated. "You really do need to stop being mean to that poor boy."

"I do nothing unless provoked!" James said, holding his hands in the air.

Lily gave him a dry look. "Does the fact that he �exists' count as provocation?"

"Yes."

She rolled her eyes. "You are so immature."

"Lily, you've got to understand something about my family. Ever since Godric, we've had this sort of malice against all Dark Arts. Someone in my family has been involved in the downfall of every single Dark Wizard in history."

"So?"

"So, we're kinda programed to hate any sort of Dark Wizard."

"That doesn't explain why you torment poor Severus." James felt nauseated. Poor Severus?

"Because he's obviously on the path to being a Dark Wizard. He knows more spells than some Death Eaters, I'd imagine."

"Well, obviously," Lily rolled her eyes. "You and Sirius attack the poor guy so much that he had to learn them."

"This was before he came to Hogwarts," James said.

"Do you think that you're better than the Slytherins who make fun of me just because I'm a muggle-born?" Lily asked. James paused for a moment, but obviously didn't make the connection.

"No, because you can't change who you were born as."

"But he can't change himself, either. Or maybe he doesn't want to change."

"Well then it's his own damn fault and he can deal with the consequences," James nodded. Lily shook her head.

"This is a losing argument, isn't it?"

"Yup," James said.

"So let's move on to something else."

"Ok." He sat sideways on the swing and looked at her. "How many blokes have you kissed?"

Lily almost fell out of her swing. She was blushing madly at him and sputtered for a moment until she finally answered, "That is none of your business, James Potter!"

"I'll tell you how many girls I've kissed."

"I know how many girls you've kissed," Lily hissed, wishing that the blush would leave her face.

"Keeping count?"

"No, there are 27 girls in our year? Minus the Slytherins, that's 5, so 22, and of course, myself, that's 21. Give or take about ten or fifteen under and older classmen-"

"Whoa whoa." James held up his hand. "I think you're confusing me with Sirius!"

"You both share the same girls right?" She had pursed her lips together. James shook his head.

"Try about 8," James grinned. "And five of them were girls from Godric's Hollow."

"Man-whore," she commented. James was stunned.

"That's not a lot, you know."

"Compared to the company you keep, I'll bet." Lily laughed and James laughed as well.

"Do you know, that every time I want to ask him something after nine o'clock, he gets all upset and tells me that he's with a girl."

Lily shivered, "That's disgusting."

"Tell me about it," James said.

"Oh please." She also sat sideways on the swing so that she could talk to him better. "I'm sure you've done it many times too."

James thought for a moment and seemed to be counting. "Well, if you want to talk the actual deed of �doing it', then I'd say 3 times."

"Three times?"

"Yes, but with the same girl. She was a muggle I had a fling with last summer."

"Really?" Lily said.

"You know, I do have needs and I can't wait around forever for you." James folded his arms in front of him and smiled. Even though she had red hair and green eyes...but James wasn't going to tell Lily that. "So what about you? I think we were on kissing, correct."

"If you must know James," Lily's voice was very matter-of-fact, "I have been kissed once. But it was a simple, innocent kiss."

James humphed, "Innocent? How so?"

Lily clicked her tongue inside her mouth and pursed her lips. She spoke as if the she was telling James that the ocean was blue. "Well, obviously, there was no tongue."

To this, James turned into a laughing pile of goo on the ground.

"What?!" Lily cried, blushing. "It's not that funny!"

"Oh, it was just the way you said it!" James cackled. He put his hands on his waist and gave Lily a very accurate representation herself. "It was innocent, there was no tongue. Like that's a gauge to tell whether or not something's innocent!" Lily sputtered and frowned. "Oh, Lily, that was great!"

"I'm so glad you enjoyed it." James looked up at her smiled.

"Come on, Lily. I'm sorry." He sat back on the swing and looked up into the stars. "Do you want to start heading back?"

"Sure," Lily said, standing up. James followed and moved to put his arm around her in a hug and she jumped back suddenly.

"What?" he said, concerned. "I'm trying to make amends."

She mumbled something that James didn't quite catch.

"Huh?"

"Fine, fine." He put his arm around her shoulders and she jumped again.

"I'm not going to strangle you or anything-" To that, Lily walked a few steps out of his embrace and gave him an odd look.

"Lily, jeez!"

"I just....don't like people touching my neck," she said. "It's a phobia I have."

A light turned on above James' head. He nodded. "So if....I do this?" He reached for her neck and to his complete and utter surprise, she uttered a shriek of terror and ran five steps ahead of him.

"Don't do that!" she hissed.

"Ok ok." He ran up to catch her and walked by her side for a few minutes. Then with a glance over to her, stretched out his arms and yawned, then dove straight for her neck. The same squeal of fright came from his studious Lily and she ran down the street, James hot on her heels.

They ran all the way back to Lily's house, where James finally caught her and pinned her onto the swing chair hands on either side of his neck. Lily was whimpering and James was laughing.

"Ok, ok," he panted, from running and laughing so hard. "I'm done."

In retaliation, Lily reached up and put her hands around James' neck. He stared at her blankly and then down at her hands. She frowned at him and crouched back on one side of the swing, her knees acting as a guard against James.

"So let's see," James leaned over to rest on her knees . "I have learned today that you have had one" he snorted "very innocent kiss, you have an evil older sister and adorable younger brother, you hate peanut butter, and that you have a phobia of people touching your neck."

"And I have learned," Lily squeaked. "That you are a mean and hateful person!" As the words came out of her mouth, she could not believe it. She was flirting with James Potter!

"But you already knew that," James smiled. "So are you going to trust me again?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"What if I give you Marauder's Sacred Honor I won't ever touch your neck again?"

"No."

"What if I cross my heart?" He put his head on top of his hands on her knees so that he was face to face with her.

"No," she said very quietly. Although, she didn't really have to speak very loudly because he was right in front of her.

"Hope to die?" He moved in closer and put his hand on her cheek.

"No."

"Stick a needle in my eye?" he finished.

"Please, could you? I've always wanted to see someone-" James closed the space in-between them (there wasn't much) and pressed his lips to hers. For a moment, they stayed like that until he moved and she pushed him away.

"James, stop." She pushed him away a little. James moved back to leaning on her knees.

"What? Don't worry, it was innocent. There was-"

"I don't know if I want this," she blurted out. James suddenly felt very cold.

"W-What?" he said.

"I don't know if I want this." She repeated with much more conviction.

"Why not?" James said. He thought that he was on a roll! He'd gotten more information tonight than he'd ever gotten with Prongs.

"Honestly?"

"Yes, of course," he nodded.

"Because you are an egotistical, self-centered, mean, hateful person and I don't think that I could, in good conscience be your girlfriend under those circumstances."

"Wow, not that honest," James laughed, but it was half-hearted.

"Sorry." Lily looked down at her hands.

"So....you want me to change for you?"

"No, James. You just aren't.....aren't what I want in a boyfriend." She sat up and walked to the door. "I'm really.....James, I'm sorry."

"The truth hurts, I suppose." His voice was very hollow.

"G-Goodnight James," she said, walking inside the door and closing it with a soft click. He heard a rustling in the bushes and a soft pop.

"Ouch." Sirius came out from the bushes. James looked at his hands and felt his eyes burn. He thought that he was getting better.

"Come on, Padfoot. Maybe....maybe it isn't meant to be?" Sirius sat down on the swing and put his hand on his shoulder.

"No," James looked determined. "This is war, Padfoot. I'm going to get her to go out with me if I have to change my entire personality."

"That's not a good sign, Prongs." Sirius pointed out to him. "Maybe we should discuss this with Moony-"

"No," James stood up. "I've got a plan. But I'm going to need your help. And Moony's too."

"Prongs, she's....mate, she's not going to come around," Sirius said.

"No, I think she's got some kind of feeling for me," James stared at the door realizing something and smiling a little. "Deep down."

"Why do you say that?" Sirius asked. James turned to look at him with a satisfied smile.

"She's still got my jacket."

12. Stuck

"And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you, but I love you
I can't stop thinking of you
It's true, I'm stuck on you."
-Stuck, Stacie Orrico
Chapter Twelve

"Lily, honey. You've been so quiet this morning," Mr. Evans said, looking at the rearview window. Lily was holding a blue jacket to her chest and watching the buildings fly by as the family drove her to King's Cross. "Something on your mind?"

"Just....thinking about school," she smiled at him. It wasn't a complete lie. A few thoughts swirling in her head had to do with school, or, more importantly, the Auror classes that she was beginning. The book she had to read over the past three weeks was full with some of the most complicated spells and potions that she'd ever seen. Thinking of Auror classes led her to think of the Slytherins, who were probably going to be more and more abrasive to her now that she was doing this.

She looked at Oliver who was ecstatic that he got to go past the barrier again. She was worried for her family, what if something happened to them while she was gone? What if the Dark Lord decided to go after them?

Then, there was the biggest thing on her mind. She looked down at the simple blue jacket in her hands that no longer smelled anything of James (she might have worn it a few times....or maybe everyday). He had invaded her every thought since she last saw him. His completely and utterly hurt expression and the way his eyes just mirrored his breaking heart. And the way that his lips felt on hers. And the way that she could just unlock her heart and talk to him for hours. And the way-

She let out a sigh of frustration. Once she got back to school and remembered just how much of a jackass he was, everything would be back to normal. She would give him his jacket back, laugh about how stupid she was to take it, and be sure not to look at him in the eyes because she might start crying.

Her father and brother were kind enough to offer to carry her bags to the station while she, Petunia, and her mother walked behind them. Lily was becoming visibly more nervous as they made their way towards Platform Nine and Ten. She slipped through the barrier with her father and brother and her mother and Petunia followed.

With a quick glance around the station, Lily felt safe that James had either not arrived or was already on the train. She turned to the rest of her family and gave them all hugs goodbye.

"So you'll be able to do magic when you get home next summer, Lily?" Oliver asked.

"Yes," she grinned. "I'll show you some good magic, all right?"

"Lily, darling, there is that charming boy, wasn't his name James?" Her mother cooed, looking towards the platform door. Lily turned and felt the pit of her stomach drop. James was there with his mother and father and Sirius, who Lily remembered was living with James now. James' mother made her smile because she was fussing over the two of them like a mother hen. She fiddled with James' hair and he ducked away from her hands.

James' father was giving the boys some wand movement instructions and making James smile. It wasn't a mean smile or even a big-headed one, but it was a nice smile that made Lily's stomach flip-flop.

"Lily, I'm going to take these bags to the compartment, all right?" Mr. Evans said, hoisting the bag onto his shoulder. "Come on, Oliver."

"Ok, Dad," Lily nodded, watching as Mr. and Mrs. Potter left their two sons to their devices. Sirius was the first to spot her and nudged James. He turned to catch her straight in the eyes and then looked down to what she was holding in her hands. He and Sirius made their way over to her and she met him halfway.

"Hi." Her voice was very soft like she was in a library.

"Hi." His voice was equally soft.

"Um, you left your jacket." She thrust it at him, not looking at him in the eye.

"I know."

She heard a disapproving click behind her. Lily turned to see Petunia with an upturned nose.

"So it's his jacket that you've been wearing every single day for the past three weeks." She looked at him and Lily wanted to crawl into a hole and die. After murdering Petunia, that was.

James couldn't respond to that and he just nodded dumbly. Sirius was snickering.

"Um, James. This is my sister, Petunia." She felt the blood rushing to her face.

"Hello," he smiled at her. Sirius looked at her and made a very loud sound.

"Oh, and his friend Sirius." Sirius, never one to be shy in front of a lady, booted James out of the way and made his presence known to Petunia.

"Such a lovely name," he grinned. "To fit a lovely woman."

Lily gaped at him. She loved her sister, but she was most certainly not lovely. She was rather horse-faced and boney. James knew that this was a line he used often and just sighed. Petunia seemed taken aback.

"Excuse me?" she sputtered. Sirius took her hand and was about to kiss it when he noticed the giant rock on her left finger.

"Sweet Merlin...." he whistled. Petunia snatched her hand away from Sirius and huffed away. Lily's parents and Oliver were coming back, and Oliver, seeing Lily with two guys, ran over to her.

"Hullo." He gave James a once over and noticed the jacket in his hands. Then he turned to Lily a slight smile on his face. Lily blushed even more and looked away/

"Is this your brother?" James asked.

"Yes." Lily put her hands on his shoulder. Somehow, leaving Oliver out in the open with James Potter in front was a very scary proposition.

"How old is he?" James asked.

"I'm nearly ten," Oliver said, proudly. "And I'm going to Hogwarts, too. Only Lily says I have to wait until I get my letter. But I'm convinced I'm a wizard."

"Are you?" James said, pulling out his wand. "Do you have one of these?" Oliver made a sound and looked like a kid in a candy store.

"Wow! Lily's doesn't look like that!" James bent down so that he was at Oliver's level.

"Yeah, every wand is different. Mine's mahogany. Wanna hold it?" Gently, Oliver held the wand and flapped it around a little bit.

"Neat," he said. Lily's parents cleared their throat behind them and Oliver handed the wand back to James. Lily followed him back to her parents and gave them kisses and hugs. Boarding the train, she walked down the hall, looking for an empty compartment when the door opened. Lily was half-afraid that it was Bellatrix, but it was Emmeline Vance, along with a few other Ravenclaws.

"Hullo Lily," Emmeline smiled. "I had some questions on the book. I was wondering if you would like to talk about it?"

"...Sure." Lily stepped inside and smiled at the Ravenclaws, all strangers to her. They were introduced one by one by Emmeline, but Lily couldn't possibly remember them all.

"Did you get a lot of this book?" Emmeline asked when the other girls had broken off into their own little huddle.

"Not really," Lily admitted. "But I don't think we're supposed to understand it, do you?"

"I hope not," Emmeline said. She gave Lily a piercing look. "Are you scared?"

"What?" Lily was caught off-guard, thinking about mahogany wands.

"Are you scared about becoming an Auror?"

"No," Lily shrugged. "I'm more scared for my family."

"I saw them," Emmeline nodded. "Muggles, right?"

"Yeah," Lily admitted.

"My mother's muggle-born."

"Really?"

"Yes. She said she always had a hard time in school because of it."

"It's no picnic," Lily laughed. Emmeline nodded and grinned.

"Lily?"

"Hm?"

"You know that we're the only two girls in the program, right?"

"Yes."

"I think we should stick together."

"I agree," Lily laughed. "It's us against all of those boys."

"Don't you know who's teaching the course?" Emmeline asked. Lily shook her head. "Frank Longbottom." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "He's not too bad to look at, if you catch my meaning."

"No, I do," Lily smiled half-heartedly. She didn't think that she could possibly even think about another guy until she got James Potter off of her mind. Somehow he wouldn't leave her alone.

***

"Prongs, get that stupid grin off of your face," Sirius growled at him. James looked at him and sighed.

"So what exactly happened?" Remus inquired, opening up a chocolate frog.

"Lily handed him the jacket and then Lily's sister, rather hot-"

"She was not," James snapped out of his daydream to give him a disgusted look. "She was horse- faced and boney."

"Yeah, but she had a nice figure," Sirius shrugged. James made a retching sound and clung to his jacket.

"I'd rather take my Lily, thank you."

"So what did she say?" Remus pressed. "Lily's sister."

"Well she told Prongs here that Lily'd been wearing his jacket every day," Sirius snorted. James sighed and buried his nose into the folds of the jacket.

"It still smells like her," he grinned. Sirius took off his own jacket and pelted James with it.

"I hope we don't have to deal with this for the rest of the year," he groaned. James threw his jacket back and gave him a serious look.

"You know, this means that if I want to stay in her good graces, then I've got to stop being such a prick."

"Should we begin praying for a miracle, then?" Remus grinned. James threw him a dirty look.

"Actually...I was thinking along the lines of you two helping me out a bit." He looked at Sirius and then clarified, "Or maybe just Remus."

"What now?" Remus asked.

"Well, I want you to remind me, at least when Lily's around, when I'm being a jerk."

"And I should do this because...?"

"Because you're my friend," James pleaded. Remus sighed.

"Will you stop tricking Lily in the forest?"

James looked at him oddly. "But then how will I know whether or not I'm doing the right thing?"

"James, I refuse to help you unless you stop spying on her," Remus told him frankly. James glared at him and then moved to the other side where Sirius was waiting.

"Will you help me?" he asked. Sirius shrugged.

"I don't know how much of a help I'm going to be, I'm usually the big jerk there with you, mate."

"So what am I supposed to do?" James frowned.

"Maybe, you should begin from the inside and figure out just what is right and wrong for yourself," Remus said.

"Inside out, huh?" James rubbed his chin in thought. And he realized that he needed to shave. "I just might do that."

"And then you'll realize that spying on her is a wrong thing to do," Remus finished.

James thought about it for a moment and then shook his head. "Nah."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Hopeless."

13. Where is the Love?

"People killing, people dying
Children hurt, [I] can hear them crying.
Can you practice what you preach,
And would you turn the other cheek?
...These people... got me questioning
Where is the love?"
- Where Is the Love?, Black Eyed Peas

Chapter Thirteen

It felt like James had just laid his head down on the pillow when the light from the sun blinded him in the eye. Normally, James lazed about in bed for a few more minutes and then sidled towards the bathroom, but today he was on a mission, and he needed to be out of his room quickly.

He plopped down on the big chair in front of the dead fire and watched the girl's side of the tower. One by one, the girls walked down, some wide-awake, some half-asleep, and the last ones hurrying to put on their make-up and make it down to breakfast on time.

However, James did not see the one person that he wanted to talk to this morning. Lily was either a very late sleeper (which did not coincide with James' picture of her) or she was a very early waker. His grumbling stomach told him that if he missed breakfast, there would be hell to pay, so James made his way down to the Great Hall. Sirius had saved him a seat, and he plopped down it. He looked down the table for his red-headed love and realized with a jolt that she was no- where to be found.

"Looking for Lily?" Remus asked, seeing James confusion. "She's over with Emmeline Vance at the Ravenclaw table." He nodded behind him. James looked past Remus' shoulder and saw Lily, indeed, sitting with Emmeline and other Ravenclaws. He frowned.

"What's she doing over there? Is she switching Houses or something?"

"I'd imagine that they're preparing for the Auror classes tonight," Remus said. James looked confused and Remus clarified, "You know, the book that was assigned to us to read over the break. Did you even read it?"

James laughed and ruffled his hair. "Of course I did, Moony. What do you take me for?" he laughed. "Sirius read half and I read half."

"And you think that's good enough?" Remus asked.

"So why's Lily sitting over there at the Ravenclaw table?" James diverted the subject.

"I would wager because that's the only other girl that's doing the program."

"Really?" James thought of Sirius and the fact that the only other girl in the program turned him down and smiled. "Sucks for you, Padfoot."

"Why?" Sirius broke his attention away from his breakfast.

"Because you won't touch Lily," he gave Sirius a knowing glance, "and the only other girl turned you down."

"Huh?" Sirius looked at Emmeline and recognition dawned on him. His face darkened. "Oh yeah, I remember her. She said that she didn't want to get a disease. Stupid tart." He looked to James. "But I didn't tell anyone about that."

James pressed his finger to his nose and winked at his buddy. "Lily and I had a conversation about it."

"Oh," he snorted, going back to his breakfast. "So, when's the next �meeting?'"

"Hopefully, tonight," James shrugged. "But, I usually take my cue from her, so who knows." Remus shook his head.

"Can't do it tonight, we have class."

James looked to Remus and then bit his lip. "And how often do we have these classes?"

"Every night from 5-10."

Sirius choked. "What about dinner!?"

"We have a special dinner prepared at 4:30," Remus explained. "So that means that right after our afternoon class, we head straight for the Great Hall, eat quickly, and then head to the fifth floor until 10."

"B-But that means I won't be able to talk with Lily!" James exclaimed.

"Don't worry, we still have weekends off. You can talk to her all day." Apparently, Remus still did not approve of James' method, as evident in his voice.

"But, that's only once or twice a week!" James slumped. Remus shrugged.

"That's the breaks, I'm afraid."

***

James had never seen so few people sitting at the tables in the Great Hall. It was almost eerie, especially since there was only one long table filled with 8 people, eating quietly. James noticed that the two girls sat apart from everyone else, still looking through the book and practicing wand movements and such.

"Potter." He looked up and saw one of the Prewitt twins (Gideon or Fabian) looking down at them. "Can we join you?"

"Sure," James said, offering a seat for the two next to Peter and Sirius. He didn't know anything about these two because they had never had any classes together with Hufflepuffs. They weren't even on the Quidditch team.

"Um." Sirius was looking at the two back and forth with an eyebrow raised. "Can we put a bell on one of you?"

They exchanged glances. "Why?"

"So we can tell you apart." James snickered and Remus blushed from embarrassment. Sirius could be so blunt at times.

"I'm Fabian," the one on the right said.

"I'm Gideon," the one on the left said.

"Well, a fair judge that is," Sirius grumbled. "Don't you have some other distinguishing features?"

They shrugged.

"Oi, this is going to be troublesome." Sirius ran his hand through his hair. James looked down to the end of the table and caught Lily's eye looking at him. She blushed and turned away.

"I'm sure you'll get used to it after a while," Gideon said. "We do."

"Can't you get some sweaters that say �G' and �F' on them?" Sirius asked. "I'm sure we can find someone who can make sweaters. Or maybe we could color coordinate. Gideon, since your name starts with a �G,' yours can be green. Fabian...Prongs, what color starts with an �F?'"

"Fushia?" James shrugged.

"Do you have any fushia-colored sweaters?" Fabian looked like he was going to protest deeply to wearing pink, but they were interrupted.

"I hate to break up this interesting conversation, but it's time to go." A deep voice said above them. James turned around and recognized the person as the one talking with Professor McGonagall during the meaning. His name had to do with his ass or something.

"Professor Longbottom," Remus nodded respectively. To their surprise, �Professor Longbottom' made a disgusted noise.

"Please, don't ever call me that." He shuddered. "Makes me sound so old."

"What should we call you then?" Sirius asked.

"Frank. Just Frank," he said. "But really, we need to get started, I want to cover a lot in our first night, if we're going to get things underway." He looked around the table and pointed them out. "Let's see, obviously the Prewitt twins, James Potter, your father sends his regards," James grinned, "Sirius Black, James' father also sends his regards," Sirius grinned like James, "Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin." Remus was sure that he could tell the difference between him and the rest because he was rather peaky this time of the month, the full moon was three days away. He looked down at the end of the table where the girls were still up to their ears in the book.

"And Lily Evans and Emmeline Vance." James' eyes narrowed at the way �Frank' paused to look at Lily longer than the other girl.

"All right then, I'll go round up the girls and we'll head off." He strolled down to the end of the table and called to them. James didn't take his eye off of �Frank' as he sat down next to Lily. He made both the girls laugh and James realized it must have been because he'd mistaken their names.

"James, you coming?" Sirius asked. James stood up and followed, but only after Lily and Emmeline got up as well.

***

"All right? Everyone here?" Frank looked about the room. Emmeline was sitting on one end, with Lily next to her, James plopped down next to her, followed by Sirius, Remus, and Peter, and finally the two twins (nobody'd been able to tell them apart yet). James wanted to be next to Lily just in case he spotted �Frank' watching her again.

"I hope that you have all read the book. As it turns out, that book is usually taught over the course of six months, but, as our time is limited, we are going to be going faster than most classes and we will be done in three months." He surveyed the room. "How many of you are seventeen?"

Only James, Remus, and the Prewitt twins raised their hands.

"How many of you will be turning seventeen by June?" They all raised their hands.

"Good. After finals, you should all head straight to the ministry and get your Apparating licenses. Our class, which usually is let out for the summer, will continue, and the best, and cheapest, way to get to the site of classes will bet to Apparate."

He stood behind the podium and cleared his throat. "Now, just because we're moving so fast doesn't mean that I don't think that some of you might fall behind. That's why any time that you are having trouble with anything, I want you to come to me or any of your other teachers." He gave a short laugh. "Trust me, even I'd have a load of trouble doing it this fast."

James noticed that his eyes darted to Lily, who seemed completely unaware. His heart leapt into his throat. She looked so cute concentrating like that....

"Now, let's begin," Frank continued. "Seeing as there are a multitude of items that we can begin with, I picked my least favorite subject in school. Potions. Now," He leaned on the podium so it rocked back and forth. "Can anyone tell me why an Auror would need to learn about Potions?"

Lily's hand raised slowly.

"Yes, Lily?" James didn't like the way that he said her name.

"Well, I've heard about them in passing, but aren't there certain potions that only take effect when other things are added after they are taken? So that the people don't know that they've been poisoned until it's too late?" She blushed a little bit. "I don't know if that made sense."

"No, it did." He flashed her a winning smile. Lily's blush deepened. James growled silently. "Lily's right, though. They're a select group of potions called the Polyplenus group. They are the ideal weapon against people because of the way they take effect. They consist of two or more completely different potions administered at a different time."

"Excuse me, but I don't quite understand," Emmeline raised her hand. Frank thought for a moment.

"Maybe if I give an example. The Trifalsus potion is one of the more deadly, because a person doesn't even realize that they are dying until it's too late." That made a few of them uncomfortable. "The first element is a vapor version of a Swelling solution. It is very diluted so that it causes little damage, and, when sprayed, the victim may feel a little uncomfortable and feel like they have a cold. The second element is Alihotsy, anyone know what that is?"

Remus raised his hand. "It's a plant. The leaves cause hysteria. But why would anyone eat it?"

Frank nodded. "The Alihotsy leaf looks similar to a regular iceburg lettuce leaf, and it can be easily confused. But, when combined with the Swelling solution, the plant does not react. Oh, there might be some nervous tension, but nothing compared to what normally happens. So, the victim is still blissfully unaware of what is happening to him or her."

"But why is this potion so dangerous if the ingredients keep it from harming you?" Sirius asked.

"Well the final ingredient does much worse than it's intended to," Frank said, solemnly. "The Drought of the Sleeping Death is not hampered or hindered by either of the other elements, in fact, it awakens them both. The drought puts the person into a very deep sleep, that they won't wake from easily. But then Alihotsy begins to take effect and the victim's blood pressure goes through the roof, spreading around the Swelling solution, causing the arteries and veins to swell, as well as the wind pipe. The victim suffocates in their sleep."

The room was silent. James saw Lily put her hand to her neck and gulp.

"These potions are very deadly and an ideal weapon of the Dark Lord because they are so easy to administer to unsuspecting Aurors and political officials."

James suddenly was worried for his family and sunk lower in his seat.

"However, there is some good news," Frank grinned. "Once you know what's wrong, you can do a simple Engorgement Charm-"

"Engorgment Charm?" Remus asked. "Wouldn't that do the opposite of what you needed to do?"

"One would think so," Frank said, tapping his hand to his chin thoughtfully. "But the combination of the Alihotsy and the Drought make it so if a Reducing Charm is used, the effects will happen ten times faster, and death is almost instant."

They all gulped.

"Which is why you're going to learn the ingredients of all of the potions and be able to pick them out," Frank ended, cheerfully. "Now, open your book to page 357 and we'll start going over them."

***

When the 8 students left the room for the evening, they all had mirrored looks of horror and disgust on their faces. They had learned that there were a grand total of 15 Polyplenus potions, each with 2-8 ingredients that caused death ranging from simple suffocation to spontaneous combustion.

Once they had left Emmeline and the Prewitt twins (Sirius was annoyed to learn that they even changed the same color green) at their respective dormitories, the five Gryffindors headed back to their tower. Peter was the most anxious to get back, and cited that he would be the first to use the washroom, and that if anyone argued, they could say hello to the contents of his stomach.

James hung back with Lily and Remus. He could see the paleness of Lily's skin and looked over to Remus. He, too, had a white pallor, but, as James looked out the window, the full moon was two nights away.

They reached the door and Peter ran up the stairs as fast as his little feet could carry him, followed by Sirius who told them that he'd watch over Peter. Remus went slower and kept looking out the window.

Lily was about to walk up her staircase and (as James found out in his 2nd year) since he could not follow her, he called out to her.

"Lily!"

"Yes?" she turned around.

"Are you....are you ok?" he asked. She looked about two daggers at him, instead of the fifty million she usually used with him.

"Why wouldn't I be? Because I'm not some strong boy-"

"No. Because it freaked us all out." James folded his arms in front of him. "It's just that we're too manly to ask each other about it."

Lily's eyes seemed to soften a little. "If you want to know, no. I'm not."

"Me either," James admitted. "If this is just the beginning...I mean, what else can they throw at us?"

"Or our families," Lily admitted softly. James looked up at her.

"Are you worried for them, still?"

"Yes," she said.

"And you won't go talk with Dumbledore?" James asked. Lily shook her head.

"No. I'll....I'll get over it soon enough." She turned to walk back up the stairs.

"If...If you need to talk about anything," he stepped forward. "You can come talk to me, you know."

Lily smiled. James hoped that she was thinking about Prongs.

"I think I've got that covered, but thank you for the offer." She ascended the tower stairs. James turned and walked up his own stairway.

When he came into his room, he was greeted with the sounds of Peter retching. Remus was staring at the windowsill and looking at the moon with the same sad face that he always had. He looked around for Sirius and saw him pacing the room as Padfoot.

He could see that his friend was antsy from the way his muscles in his back were tense and the fast wagging of his tail. Bending down, James reached over and gave him a scratch behind the ears. Padfoot looked at him and then popped back into Sirius.

James watched as he continued his pacing as a human.

"How can they...who would...I can't even...." James knew that he was thinking of his family from the way that he couldn't even pop out a single coherent sentence.

"I know, Padfoot," James soothed. "Why don't you go run around some? Hey, I'll even go with you?"

"No. It's ok." Sirius sat down, but was still shaking. "James, who would want to inflict that on anybody?"

"That's why they're evil, Padfoot." Remus spoke up from the window. James knew that he was always cranky before the full moon. "And that's why we're becoming Aurors. To stop them from doing this to innocent people. So you can wallow in how terrible this all is, or you can suck it up."

"What if I don't want to suck it up?" Sirius replied back at him. Remus sent him a glare that could freeze boiling water.

"Then be glad that you have the option to fight against this injustice." He stormed to his bed. Sirius realized what he'd said and felt terrible. He had no room to talk about how horrible he felt, when one of his best friends turned into a man-eating monster every month.

"Moony-" Remus closed his bed curtains, glaring at Sirius. He stood up and walked to the bed. "Moony, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" James put a hand on his shoulder.

"Just let him be for now," he said. "It's near the full moon, you know how he gets."

"Right," Sirius said, sitting down on the bed. "Should we go check on Wormtail?"

They exchanged glances and James stood up. "I'll do it."

14. Not Myself

Suppose I said
That I'm on my best behavior?
...Would you want me when I'm not myself?
-Not Myself, John Mayer

Chapter Fourteen

Other than the fact that there was almost certain death and death probably wouldn't come swiftly, James realized another reason why there were only eight students who signed up for the program the next day when Professor McGonagall assigned them a 3 foot essay on human transformations gone wrong, due in a week. Then, they had to begin researching Patronus Charms for Flitwick. Plus their nightly classes, they had only the weekend to get a week's worth of homework from all 6 of their classes, unless they wanted to stay up all night.

James grumbled about it all, but then when he looked to his left (where Remus usually landed himself), he felt even worse. Remus had apologized the next morning for being in such a foul mood, but both Sirius and James agreed that he didn't have to. They stuck by him protectively and James even did a quick Copy Charm so that Remus could sleep in History of Magic and his notes would be copied as James wrote them.

However bad their day was, the evening faired much better. James noticed that no one really had much of an appetite during dinner, but Frank was looking quite pleased with them all. In fact, at their Auror class that night (Remus insisted that he go, even if it pained him to walk), Frank told them all some very good news.

"Congratulations, you have all passed the first test of the Auror classes," he beamed. At the complete confusion on everyone's face, he elaborated. "The first character test, I mean." He paused and thought for a moment. "Actually, in a real class, this would be about the fifth, but Minister Bagnold wanted to make sure that you had the stuff to take all this information in during a sped-up course. Which is why you should all be proud of yourselves."

"But what's the test?" Sirius asked.

"The test is quite simple. I tell you about the stomach-churning Polyplenus potions. You study their effects. If you come back sane, you pass," Frank said, his eyes sparkling.

"So those are the character tests?" James asked, incredulous.

"It is the best way to figure out whether or not wizards and witches can take the things that will be presented to them. Normally, there is a build up to the Poluplenus potions so the shock is not so great. But you eight are obviously made of stronger stuff than some full-fledged wizards."

Nobody was too proud of that.

"Now, we're going to start on certain charms that come in handy-" Seeing the looks on their faces, he laughed. "Don't worry. This isn't as bad as the Potions. Because you all did so well, we'll stave off some of the more disturbing aspects of Auror work for a couple of weeks."

After class, Remus said a hasty goodbye to James and Sirius and headed to the hospital wing, limping the whole way. Siris and James stood and watched him leave with pity on their faces. But they doubled their efforts in class the next day to keep Remus up-to-date on everything that he needed for classes.

When 4:30 came around the next afternoon, and James was about to take his first bite of dinner, he realized with a very hard pang that they would be in class during Remus' most painful time, his transformation. He told this to Sirius in a hushed tone during their dinner while Peter was chatting merrily with the Prewitt twins.

"So what are we going to do?" Sirius asked. "We can't just skip class. I'm already behind as it is. Those charms were a pain in the ass."

"Maybe one of us can slip out saying we're going to the bathroom."

"It's possible, but won't that raise even more questions?" James asked. "I mean, I don't know if Frank knows whether or not he's a you-know-what."

"Ok, I'll go tonight, all right?" Sirius said. "And I'll just....talk with Flitwick or something." James nodded and looked down to the end of the table where Lily was picking at her food silently next to Emmeline. "But how am I going to skip class?" Sirius asked.

James thought for a moment. "Maybe, you can come a few hours late. You can say that you had detention for something and had to come later."

"What if he checks?" Sirius asked.

"Then he checks." James shrugged. "Though, I think he's too daft to wonder." Sirius raised his eyebrow at James.

"What now?" Sirius asked. "Why don't you like Frank?"

"Surely you see the way that Frank stares at Lily," James said. "It's indecent."

"I'm sure it's nothing," Sirius gulped down his milk. "He's a professor."

"Who left school three years ago," James reminded him. "He's not that old."

"I think you need to get over it, mate." Sirius stood up and grabbed his bag. "I mean, she was staring at you all throughout class today."

"What?" James felt his piece of roll get stuck in his throat.

"Yeah. And at the train station, she couldn't keep her eyes off of you." He stretched and put his bag over his shoulder. "So if he has any intentions, which I doubt, she's pretty much sending signs that she's interested in you." James grabbed his bag and followed him.

"But she said herself that she wouldn't date me."

"Sure, but weren't you going to change that?" Sirius raised his eyebrow at him. "When we came back from Lily's you were on this �Prongs-for-A-Better-World' kick."

"I know. But I don't know what I can do."

"Why don't you do some of that sappy prefect thing that Moony does?" Sirius suggested.

"Like what?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Tutor someone, stop a fight in the hallway, that kind of goody- goody stuff."

James blanched. "But that'll ruin my reputation."

"It's your reputation or your girl, you're gonna have to choose," Sirius shrugged. "I won't think any less of you, you know."

"Thanks." James grinned. "I'll bring Wormtail along after class is done. Then maybe we can go chat with Professor Flitwick together, all right?"

"You got it," Sirius grinned and looked down the table. "By the way, the Daft One is with your girl again." James looked down the table and saw Frank talking quietly with Lily and Emmeline.

Daft as he was, James noticed the way Frank probed Sirius when he took an extra long bathroom break.

***

Lily was not an indecisive person. Actually, she loathed indecisive people. It was a problem her sister had (on everything except her hatred of Lily's "abnormality"). Never knowing whether or not she was going to do something, what would happen if she did it. No, Lily hated those people, and prided herself on her ability to sift out pros and cons and then quickly come to a decision.

So why was she so topsy-turvy on the topic of James Potter!?

She had told herself (while wearing the sweet-smelling jacket) that James Potter would return to big git with the sexy ass as soon as they returned to school and he blew something up. Never, in her wildest dreams (ok, maybe in her wildest dreams), had she imagined James being...a nice person.

Her first inclination of this �radical transformation' came when she heard yelling in the hallway and saw the light from wands bouncing off of the walls. She arrived to see Evan Rosier, a Slytherin 7th year (with a carrot for a nose and two red peppers for lips), and a Gryffindor 5th year(whose arms had turned into large tentacles) on the ground, Stunned, with James Potter speaking pleasantly with a shocked Professor McGonagall.

"...and I just stunned them. It's a terrible thing, fighting in the hallway, you know, Professor," he said.

"Yes, well, 10 points from Slytherin and Gryffindor and 15 points to you, Mr. Potter. Though it would be wise in the future for you and Mr. Black to follow your advice." She undid the spells on them and sent them off to the hospital wing.

***

Wednesday afternoon, Professor McGonagall came into their History of Magic class. Lily felt a constriction in her chest and saw that the rest of the class was shifting nervously in their seats. Professor McGonagall gave a quick smile to the class and the breath everyone was holding was let out. Nobody's parents were dead this afternoon.

"Excuse me, Professor Binns, but I was wondering if you would excuse Mr. Potter and Mr. Black for the rest of the class period."

Professor Binns gave a quick shake of his head and James and Sirius left. Lily pursed her lips. They had probably pulled some terrible prank that landed somebody in the hospital wing, or they had destroyed some property or something of the like. She looked over to Remus, who was back from visiting his sick mother, and mouthed �What happened?'

Remus shrugged and continued to take notes.

Lily passed by the Transfiguration classroom and expected to see Sirius and James taking notes, but they were practicing a spell that they had learned in Auror classes. They thanked Professor McGonagall and hurried out the door.

***

Then, Lily found him surrounded by a cluster of first years on Saturday morning. She could see his wand pointed at one of them and she stormed over there to see what he was up to.

"And then you swish and flick," he said. "Wingardium Leviosa." With a gasp of approval, the book that was in the first-year's hand flew upwards and then landed back in his hands gently.

"Ok, now you try." 11 Wingardium Leviosa's sounded and 3 books levitated into the air.

"James, what...are you doing?" Lily said, almost too stunned for words.

"I'm helping these wonderful kids out with their Charms homework," he grinned. "Care to join us?"

"..." Lily shook her head and walked back to her side of the Common Room, completely confused. She turned back to look at him and then headed out the door. James knew exactly where she was going and turned back to the first years.

"Yeah...just keep practicing and you'll get it. I'll be back later!" He hurried out the door, excitement circulating in his chest. He'd not been able to see what Lily's response to the entire winter break episode, nor his new self, and he was anxious.

"So what is this new and improved Potter I'm hearing all about?" A sly voice called. James skidded to a halt. He turned and saw Snape staring at him.

"What'd you want, Snivellus?" he said. "I'm in a hurry.

"I see." Snape strolled across the empty hall and twirled his wand in his fingers. "So it is true that old habits die hard."

"Only when it comes to you." James kept walking.

"Then again, maybe not," Snape called. "Here lies a perfect opportunity to attack me, nobody watching, and James Potter walks away."

"I'm not walking away." A voice in his head (which sounded a lot like his father) told him to turn around and curse Snape into oblivion. There was also a second voice in his head (which sounded like Remus) that told him if he so much lifted his wand, all that he'd been doing would be wasted forever.

In the end, his decision was made for him when Snape attacked him first by sending him flying into the wall. James whipped around faster than Snape could see and cursed him back. Snape fell to the ground, obviously in too much pain to move.

"JAMES POTTER!" James closed his eyes and gripped his wand, his hatred of Severus Snape growing tenfold. Lily walked towards him, fuming. James turned and tried to explain himself.

"Lily, I swear, he attacked me first! I was-"

"I don't want to hear it!" she spat. "You and your �changed self.' You disgust me!" Her voice was so high and shrill that it left his ears ringing as she stormed away.. Or maybe it was because he was getting so mad at the pleased laughter on the floor. He turned to Snape and growled.

"You are so dead, Snivellus." James didn't think that he'd ever been so mad in his life.

"Careful, your mudblood girlfriend'll come back and give you a tongue lashing," he sneered. James gripped his wand even tighter. "You know, even for a mudblood, she's too good for y-"

But Snape never finished his remark, because James had hexed him ten times and left him oozing on the ground.

However, James' anger was no where near Lily's wrath when he met her in the forest. She was muttering to herself and shaking her head while she jotted down ideas for her Transfiguration essay. James approached her and she looked up at him. She was shocked at first, and then her face broke into a smile.

"You are one stubborn animal." She closed her book and put down her quill to get up and pet him. "Well, serious developments have happened in the area of James Potter." She paused in her petting. "Events that...well..." She sat back down. "He kissed me. And, the worst part about it, I liked it. I really did."

James felt like he could start flying. Maybe he should look and see if Santa needed some more deer for his sleigh for next Christmas.

"But...when he was being so nice to me, and even though I told him more than he needed to know, I just kept seeing him laughing when he's cursing Severus or pulling a prank on some third years."

But I'm fixing that, aren't I? Please tell me that it's working.

"He's been weird lately, though. Ever since we got back," Lily sighed. "He's been so nice to people. Like this afternoon, I saw him tutoring some first years. He's never tutored anybody before, save Peter Pettigrew. And it's made me forget, a little. I mean, I see him now as the James that I talked to in the park, the one that made me feel like I was pretty, and interesting, and wanted by someone. But...I can tell that it's not going to last."

What?! How?

"Today I found him fighting with Snape. He's so fake," Lily frowned and James felt his heart sinking. "But, as much as I told myself that everything would be back to normal when he did something like this, I can't hate him now.

"I want to hate him for putting up a front so that I'll like him, but I can't. Somehow, the fact that he's trying to change himself, even if it is a front, just to date me, it's flattering, in a weird sort of way." She cast a look over at Prongs and looked around. "Don't tell him that, though. I refuse to date him until I see that he's changed from the inside out."

Hm...Remus said the same thing. Maybe I'm not going deep enough.

"Besides that, there's other developments. I'm starting this Auror program and some of the stuff that we're learning is so..." She looked as if she was trying to find the right word. But James could read the look on her face plain enough. "I'm worried that when we have character tests that I won't be able to pass them." She steeled her face. "I'm just going to have to fake it. Fake it really, really well." She gave a little laugh. "Too bad I'm not an actress."

She thought for a moment and then a light came to her face again. "Oh! Good developments in the friend department," she grinned and reached up, stroking his long, furry face. He would have sighed if he had the capability to. "The only other girl in the class, Emmeline Vance, and I have become quite close. This may sound silly, but she's fast becoming a real friend for me. She has to be, I mean, nobody else understands what it's like to read about a potion that suffocates you in your sleep."

She moved to put her hand against her throat again, but then looked down at her Transfiguration homework. "Well, this is due on Tuesday, so I'd better get to working on it."

James realized that with the full moon and Auror classes that he hadn't started on his essay either. So while she was immersed in her essay, he slipped away and went to do his.

15. My Valentine

"And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine."
-Valentine, Martina McBride

Chapter Fifteen

Classes at Hogwarts had never passed so quickly for the eight in the Auror classes. Before any of them knew it, it was February and another Hogsmeade visit was upon them. Sirius knew that Valentine's day was approaching, as his owl was bombarded with secret admirer letters and proclamations of love beginning on the first day of term. It was an annual joke among the Marauders and they never failed to press Sirius on the issue.

"So, are we planning to break the Hogwarts record of 4,382 letters this year?" Remus asked casually one morning.

"Where'd you come up with that number?" James asked.

"It's in Hogwarts, A History. I looked it up the other day when I was researching for the DADA essay."

"Why do you need to research, Moony?" Peter asked. "You already know pretty much all there is to know?"

"Yes, well, I was looking up the trials and such," he said, quietly. James cleared his throat and continued on their previous conversation.

"So, whose got the magic number of things?" he asked.

"It was back in the 1500's, I do believe," Remus said. "What's your grand total now, Padfoot?"

"Oh, I dunno. At least 400 since January," he said, off-handedly, looking through the letters. "Who'da thought that so many girls had it out for me?"

"Are you sure they're all girls?" James grinned. "You never know these days...?"

Sirius closed his eyes and sent an apple flying at James, who ducked just in time. Then he packed all of his fanmail into the giant bag that he kept them all in protectively. "Yes, they're all girls. No guy could write this girly."

"How do you choose?" Peter asked. Sirius shrugged.

"The top ten who sound the most desperate and the most sane, I have dates every half-hour during Hogsmeade."

"That's so terrible, Padfoot," James shook his head.

"Hey, if they don't like it, they can find another date."

"Hey James, how are you coming along with Lily?" Peter asked. "I've noticed that you haven't been doing as much damage as of late."

James sighed and tapped his fork on his plate, looking down the table were Lily was sitting (again) with Emmeline. The Ravenclaw had broken from her table for once and sat with Lily at the Gryffindor table. They were talking over something that interested them both, from the way that Lily's eyes lit up. She'd been so pleased with him as of late, and then...disaster happened every time he was getting somewhere.

"James?" Peter asked. James tore his eyes away from Lily and gave Peter a tired look.

"Well, Wormtail. It seems as though Snape has it out for me lately," James frowned. "Ever since he's figured out that I'm trying not to be so much of a prat, he's been showing up and taunting me, right in front of Lily. Now, you can't expect me to just take that, can you?" He sighed and sat back. It was true, almost every day for the past three weeks, Snape had been lurking around every corner when James was in the vicinity of Lily. At first, James tried to ignore it, but then he'd done a few well-cast hexes, and James had no choice but to retaliate.

"And what does she say about that?" Peter asked. "I mean, to Prongs."

"We've been so busy that she hasn't ever gone out there. So I don't know. But from last we chatted, she can't hate me," he finished, proudly, then sunk down into his seat. "But who knows how much damage these past weeks have done."

"Are you going to ask her to Hogsmeade?" Peter asked. James thought about it for a moment and shook his head.

"I have to wait for the opportune moment," he said. "I mean, you know how pissed she gets when I ask her to go out with me."

"So you're just going to leave her alone?" Peter scratched his head in confusion.

"No, I'm going to subtly exude my presence during the next few days," James clarified. Peter, who was often confused by his big words, stared at him owlishly.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, Wormtail, that I'm going to, in essence, woo her," he grinned.

***

Single-Awareness Day (or as other people called it, Valentine's Day) was one of the worst days of the year for Lily. All throughout elementary school, she had to endure the torment of Petunia's many valentines (though Lily thought Petunia was horse-faced, she was more popular with the boys than Lily was). Lily despised it at Hogwarts too, simply because she loathed seeing public displays of affection in the hallways.

She was half-inclined to start docking points from snogging people in the hallway, but knew that the teachers would just brush it off and tell her to find someone to snog herself, which made her even more horrified. If it was one thing that disgusted her above all other things, it was the fact that the teachers had to break up snogging sessions in the hallway. For some reason, it made her cringe.

Speaking of Lily's love life, James Potter had been unusually silent during this time of love and lust. Usually, when they returned to the new year, James would double his efforts to get her to be his valentine, asking her sometimes three times a day. But now, he didn't even so much as hint to the day, and she was in close quarters with him for 5 hours a night nowadays. She was feeling a tad put-out, and, in awe of herself, wondered if James was still interested in her.

But one day after Auror class (she was feeling pretty badly because they were practicing some dueling spells and she hadn't been able to put a tear in the pillow they were using, when everyone else completely obliterated their pillows), she came to her room and found a single red rose lying on her pillow. No note, no anything except the single rose.

Something akin to relief welled in her chest, he hadn't forgot about her, even though she'd been horrible to him as of late. She touched the rose and then picked it up, mindful of the thorns, and quietly walked down the girl's staircase and up the boy's. She stopped at the door that was marked �6th year' and knocked quietly.

"Coming!" came the suave voice behind the door. Lily rolled her eyes. Sirius Black was probably expecting a girl to come visit him tonight. When he opened the door, he whistled.

"Look here, Prongs. Lily's finally come around!" When he came fully in the door, Lily could see that he was shirtless. He put his arms around her and grinned. "So, Lily, darling, shall I woo you first with some poetry, or do you just want to get down to-oof!" Lily looked to the ceiling in annoyance and slammed her arm into his stomach. She could hear water running in the bathroom from both the sink and the shower.

"Calm yourself, Black. I'm here to see Potter," she said.

"Somewone cawing me?" Came the voice from the bathroom. Lily felt her breath catch in her throat when James came out of the bathroom wearing naught but boxer shorts with little Snitches on them that flew around. She tore her eyes away from the moving Quidditch balls on his pants to the well-defined area of his chest, that she'd had the pleasure of rubbing with Vick's Vapor Rub not too long ago.

"Wiwy?" he said through his tooth brush. She cleared her throat and looked at him in the face. He was blushing a nice shade of red.

"I need to speak with you about something," she managed to stammer out.

"Owkay," he said. "Giwve me a miwnet." He went back into the bathroom and Lily heard the water that was running stop.

"I wouldn't go out there, Moony," she heard James warn.

"Why?" A voice responded. Lily must have turned three different shades of red then because out of the bathroom wearing a white towel was Remus Lupin. He jumped and yelled when he saw Lily and then went back inside the bathroom.

"Maybe, I'll just....wait outside." Lily scooted out of the room. She was trying to erase the picture of James Potter's Snitches, but they weren't going anywhere. He didn't help things when he came out wearing those boxers and no shirt.

"You wanted to see me, Lily?" James asked, putting his arms over his very pretty chest. She could see goosebumps raising on his skin.

"Er-Yes," she said, holding up the rose. "Did you give me this?"

James took the rose and looked at it. "Nope. But I can remedy that." He handed it to her and grinned. "Merry Christmas."

"James, I'm serious."

"No, he's in there."

"Stop." Lily wanted to get to the bottom of this soon. "I want to know who sent me this flower?"

"If I had to wager a guess, I'd say Frank Longbottom," James shrugged. "He's been making eyes at you lately."

"Frank? No, it couldn't have been him. He's engaged." Lily told him. James's brow furrowed.

"How do you know this?"

"He told me," Lily told me. "He's been giving me some extra pointers."

"Really?" James fought with himself not to be interested. "Any particular reason why?"

"Well, he's been trying to make me more prepared than the rest of you. I'm a natural target," she explained, amazed that James didn't fly off the handle. "Why do you ask?"

"I thought it was indecent," James said. "But I honestly don't know who gave you that rose, other than me just a few seconds ago." He stretched and Lily could see the lines of his muscles move.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yes, night." Lily was still transfixed on the muscles that she didn't notice that they were gone until the door shut and she was bathed in darkness again.

***

Two more roses found their way to Lily's bedside the next morning, and Lily pricked her finger on them when she tried to pick them up. She was worried for a moment that they may have been some sort of Slytherin trick, but then she reminded herself that nobody but Gryffindors had access to the dormitories.

After another Auror class, Lily found one on top of her bathroom things before she went to go take a shower. She had started a vase of them all and when more came (three with her owl the next morning, along with a letter from Oliver), she just added to the pot.

She started looking around for someone who might be looking at her oddly, but she realized that her secret admirer was a very good actor. She couldn't find anyone that even looked her way.

The final four that she got over the course of the Friday before the Hogsmeade visit (which happened to be a Friday the 13th), all had notes attached to them.

The first, which she received when she awoke, had a note which read, "I'm charming this flower so you'll have good luck today."

The second, which found itself into her Transfiguration book, read "You transfigure my heart into a bird because it soars every time I see you."

The third, which sprouted out of her pot in Herbology read, "Your eyes remind me of the greenest trees in the world."

Finally, when she went to dinner, she found one on her plate. She sat down across from Emmeline who was looking at it oddly.

"Did you see who put that there?" Lily asked.

"Nope," Emmeline replied. "Got a secret admirer?"

"I hope not, it'd be rather bothersome," she smiled, picking it up and reading the note attached. "Meet me at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow morning, and I'll reveal myself."

"So how many of those to you have total?" Emmeline asked.

"Counting this one, eleven. Maybe he's going to give me a dozen tomorrow."

"Hello ladies," Sirius crooned from behind them. "Since it's the day before Valentines, how about we be more friendly towards each other?"

"How about not, Black?" Emmeline glared at him.

"Come now, we're not asking you to marry us," James said as he plopped down next to Lily. "We just want to enjoy dinner with you. You're always sitting by yourself."

"Hello Lily," Remus said, sitting on the other side of her, which left Peter to sit on the other side of Emmeline.

"Oh, are we finally all sitting together?" Gideon (or Fabian) said, sitting down on the other side of Remus. His brother sat down next to Peter.

"What do you have there?" Peter asked Lily. She held up her rose.

"A secret admirer note."

"Are you still getting those roses?" James asked, biting off the edge of a roll. Lily's gaze pierced him.

"And you don't know who's sending them?"

James sighed. "No, I don't know who's giving them to you. I thought we went over this?"

Lily pondered his words during the rest of the Auror classes as she cursed her pillow into tattered feathers.

***

The next morning arrived cold and crisp and Lily put on her best robes to go out into the village. She was praying that it wasn't some first year with an infatuation, or Peter Pettigrew. She hoped it was someone nice that truly liked her and wanted to date her.

She sat down in a booth and ordered a butterbeer. She realized that the note didn't specify a time, so she could be waiting all day. Taking a light sip of her butterbeer, she looked around. She could see Sirius Black snogging a girl in the corner (funny, she thought she'd seen him come in with another girl) and Remus Lupin and Peter playing wizard chess in the corner. But no James Potter.

"He's probably snogging some other girl, but has the decency to go into a corner," she muttered to herself.

Suddenly white filled her vision. She blinked and made out the contours of a white rose and the fragrance hit her. She smiled and took the rose delicately in her hands, realizing that it was thornless.

"I daresay you've had enough thorns." The familiar voice said above her. Lily looked up and gave James Potter a slightly annoyed look.

"I thought that you said you didn't send them?" she asked. James was pleased to see that she wasn't too incredibly upset by the discovery.

"Correction. I said I didn't give them to you, with the exception of the first one," he said, looking very pleased with himself. "A random first year girl gave them to you. I just told her where to put them."

Lily smiled and looked at the rose in her hand. "So all of those little letters-?"

"I got bored just sending them to you," James shrugged. "So I figured I'd be a little creative."

"So I suppose you want me to be your valentine for the day, correct?" James was taken aback.

"Why no! I just wanted to give you some roses, that's all."

Lily couldn't believe it. "So all of that, was just because?"

"Of course, if you want to be my valentine for the day, that would be all right too."

Suddenly Sirius ran up to them, two different colors of lipstick smeared on his mouth. "Quick, have any of you seen Jennifer Graham?"

"No, why?" Lily asked.

"Damn!" Sirius cursed, running to the next table. James was chuckling.

"Sirius is trying to break his own record of snogging only 10 girls in one day. He's going for 20, one every quarter hour for five hours."

Lily gasped. "That's terrible!"

"Yes, well, he didn't make his quota with love letters this year, so he's trying to outdo himself in some way. From the looks of it, he's running a few minutes behind." He turned to her and looked out the door.

"So, since my best friend is busy with all of his lady friends, shall we take a walk around Hogsmeade?"

"Sure," Lily laughed and went for her purse. James stopped her.

"It's taken care of."

"James, you shouldn't-"

"But I want to," he came around to the other side of the table and offered his arm. "C'mon. Let's go explore."

Usually, Lily stuck to the Three Broomsticks and the surrounding stores, but James decided to take her all around the village to places she'd never been before. They stopped at the Shrieking Shack for a little while and James told her about it.

"Supposed to be the most severely haunted place in all of Britain," he told her.

"So why was it just built our first year?" Lily shot back. "How'd it get so haunted so fast?"

"Well..."James's face seemed to grow a shadow "...they say that the owners build the house over the portal to Hell. One day, a giant hand reached up and grabbed all of the people that were working on it, and the owners and pulled them all down to the depths. The shrieking sounds are their tortured cries as they are burned for eternity." He ended right in front of her face, trying to scare her. Lily stared back cynically.

"Then how come there wasn't a big hole before they built the house? And how come nobody'd fallen down there before?"

James ran his hand through his hair. "You're a tough one to scare."

"I just don't believe in ghost stories." Lily sniffed. She stopped to think for a moment. "Well, ones that don't have tangible ghosts, that is."

They heard running and looked to see Sirius running down the street, lipstick all over his mouth. He was out of breath.

"Mate, have you seen Gina Matthews?" He huffed.

"Nope," James said. "By the way, you've got some lipstick right around here." He made a motion that encompassed his entire face.

"Shut up," Sirius glared.

"Do you think that he'll be able to do it?" Lily asked. "Snog twenty girls in one day?"

James watched him go and said, "Who knows?" He turned to her and cleared his throat. "Though I don't think that he's snogging her innocently. I do believe that there is some tongue," he grinned.

"Potter..."

16. The Distance

"The sky has lost it's color
The sun has turned to gray
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away."
-The Distance, Evan and Jaron

Chapter Sixteen

Irony was a bitch, Lily decided the day after Valentines. For the past 3 years (ever since James had decided that girls were not disgusting), all she had heard was �will you date me' and �go out with me, Evans' and she loathed him. But now that she had started to fancy him, and expected him to go along with it whole-heartedly, but he'd stayed distant from her.

She had a feeling that it had to do with the fact that he had a Quidditch game to prepare for. Ever since he realized that Gryffindor and Ravenclaw were neck and neck and were playing each other for the Quidditch final, he had thrown himself into his favorite past-time, which, so Lily thought, hadn't gotten that much attention as of late.

So that left her all alone and wondering what the hell he had put into her butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. In all honesty, it was a very good act he put on, and she was very pleased to see that it was, in fact, him that was holding that beautiful white rose in front of her. However, it was still the fact that James Potter had caused her to have a good time twice, and once when he was at school, when there was no other excuse.

Now that James was pretty much gone from her side for a while, she was left at the mercy of the Slytherins. When he walked her to classes and such, they left her alone. But now that he spent every waking moment on the Quidditch pitch, she had no one to keep them away.

The Slytherins, as if spurred on by some invisible force, had decided to make the only Muggle- Born in the Auror training program miserable. She suspected that they had found out more about the program and had direct orders from the Dark Lord himself to stop or at least severely maim whoever they could get their hands on.

She was probably the easiest target (other than she was always alone) simply because she was the only one who didn't fight back. She was the only one who would just dock points and walk away when they teased her. Of course, they never dared touch her as long as any friend of James Potter was around, as they wouldn't blink before cursing their heads off.

She told no one of these attacks, simply because they would think her too weak and not able to take out a few teenagers. Besides, if any one in the class caught wind, they'd recommend that she be taken out, as she didn't have the right �stuff' for the class.

One bright and sunny Saturday afternoon in March, Lily decided to see if her old stag friend was out and about. Happily, there he was, as if he'd never left. She put her bag down and walked over to him to pet him.

"Hello," she grinned, running her hand down his long neck. "I thought I'd fancy another visit."

Visit me all you like, darling, James grinned inwardly. He was pleasantly pleased when Lily had been all smiles about his Valentine's Day stunt and he was feeling like he had been neglecting her with all of his Quidditch practices, and he wanted to see if she was still happy about V-Day.

"James has been oddly distant since Valentine's Day," she told him. "I think that he's doing it on purpose. You know that old adage, �absence makes the heart grow fonder?' Well, it has."

Well, then, James thought with a mental grin. I suppose I should thank Ravenclaw after I smash them to bits for keeping me �absent.'

"And...this is going to sound very silly, but I miss seeing him all the time. I mean, I see him enough during the classes, but Valentine's day was just so....fun."

Yay! James was pleased to see her eyes light up in remembrance.

"Anyways, I didn't come out here to talk about James, even though he just keeps popping up in my mind." She laughed a little bit. "Did you know that he has these boxers with Snitches on them?"

Oh dear, she's talking about my Snitch boxers again?

"I've probably told you about that before," she grinned and shook her head. "It's so weird that once he stops paying attention to me is when I start to fancy him a little bit."

Yes, and that's all according to my...er...very impromptu plan. It actually never occured to James that Lily might be more interested if he just left her alone. But now that he thought about it, the thought did make a lot of sense.

Her face dropped and she sat down on the old rotten log. "But anyways, as much as it pains me to stop talking about James, there is a problem."

What?

"It's those damn Slytherins again," she sighed. "They've started using me for target practice, just because I'm the only Muggle-born."

Fight back, Lily! You know enough curses to blow them into next Tuesday. James was getting quite tired of Lily's �I'm-not-worthy' act.

"It's not as if I'm defenseless," she shrugged. "Well, there's a couple of reasons why I don't fight back. The first is obvious, since Murphy's law is always in effect, when I even try to fight back, I'll get points taken away and get detention."

Who's law? James wondered.

"And second of all...I'm afraid that if I start, they'll go after my family."

If you're so worried about your family, then why don't you talk to Dumbledore!? James sighed.

"I just wish I could put a bubble around them and protect them from all harm," Lily said. "And I can just see Bellatrix..." She shivered. "You know, I've got half a mind to think that half of them are already Death Eaters, with the way that they act."

She gave a little laugh. "I wonder if they have an Early Death-Eater program?"

Knowing them, they'd just throw them out there and say �Get cursing!' He thought of Sirius' little brother Regulus and cringed.

"Anyways, I just wanted to tell you about my little Slytherin problem, because I know that you understand and won't tell anyone. And I'll keep my eye out for any more pod-people that have replaced James Potter. Or myself."

What are pod-people? James wondered as she walked back up to the school.

***

Lily was fast at work on the finishing touches for her DADA essay when the door to the Common Room opened and Professor McGonagall came in. Lily looked up and, for the second time in a year, her heart stopped.

"Miss Evans? The headmaster wishes to see you," she said, quietly.

Lily closed her book and stood up mechanically. "No one has died, Miss Evans, you don't have to be so terrified."

Lily let out a breath and glared at McGonagall's back. It was like she enjoyed in the torture of her students or something. Sadist.

"Chocolate Frogs!" McGonagall said, and the gargoyle that they were standing in front of jumped to the side. Lily looked towards McGonagall who nodded towards the open door and then she walked through it into the Headmaster's office.

"Ah, Miss Evans," came the old voice from above. Lily looked up and smiled faintly when Professor Dumbledore made his way down the stairs and sat down in his desk. "Please, have a seat."

She sat down in the chair in front of his desk and folded her hands in her lap nervously.

"If Professor McGonagall did not inform you, your family is fine," he smiled, eyes twinkling. "However, it is because of them that I would like to talk with you."

Lily cast a glance out the window to the Forbidden Forest below and then shook her head. It couldn't have been....?

"A little birdie flew in and told me that you have some concerns about your family's safety." Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. Lily rewound to a conversation she had between herself and James Potter on this subject.

"A little birdie by the name of James Potter, huh?" Lily seethed. Dumbledore chuckled.

"Yes, but it was Professor Longbottom informed me of a problem first. Professor Longbottom has informed me that he doesn't think that you are reaching your potential as an Auror. He has spoken with your other teachers and they have told him of what you are capable of. So he had come to me to ask my opinion on the matter. However, it was Mr. Potter who informed me that it was out of concern for your family's safety that you do not do the best that you can."

"Professor, I can explain-" Lily started. Oh, she was going to ring Potter's neck! Dumbledore held up a hand to silence her.

"Miss Evans, you will not be leaving the program any time soon, unless, of course, it is your choice."

He dug in his desk and pulled out a bag. Lily gaped at him as he pulled out a lemon drop and popped it in his mouth.

"Would you like one, Miss Evans? I'm sure that you know what these are."

"N-No thank you," she said, staring at him. "But why do you have a bag of lemon drops?"

"Miss Evans, contrary to what most wizards think, I hold muggle invention in high esteem. Some of the things that come out of that world, far surpass the things that come out of our world."

His eyes twinkled as if telling her something.

"For example, I have never been a fan of Bertie's Every Flavor Jelly Beans, as I came across a vomit-flavored one in my youth. I find that candy, no matter the kind, should be a pleasure to everyone, and not just the inventor. Which is why I stay with my muggle lemon drops, predictable yes, but always satisfying."

"Professor, what should I do about my family?" Lily asked in a small voice. "I'm afraid that they'll become a target if I become too good or put too many people in Azkaban-"

"Miss Evans, there is nothing to be gained from hiding. If we allow the words of our enemy to disparage us from our chosen path, then they have won. Would your family rather you be less than you are or them be safe?"

"Professor, you've never met my sister have you?" Lily asked, dryly. Professor Dumbledore gave a little laugh.

"I, too, and blessed with an unfortunate sibling. My brother Aberforth-" He cleared his throat. "As I was saying, your family would rather you succeed in life than be mediocre because of them. You must ask yourself whether it would be better to be less than your potential or to take a chance, albeit a small one, and help many more families like yourself before they suffer the fate you foresee for your own?"

Lily was silent and then said, "But what can one person do?"

"Sometimes, Miss Evans, one person can make all the difference in the world. If you can save one life, who knows what that life could end up doing?"

***

"Potter!" Lily cried, walking into the Common Room. James was hunched over a table with Peter, and looked up when his name was called.

"Yes, Lily?" he called back.

"Potter, why did you go to Dumbledore?" she asked, stomping her foot. James stood up and stretched, walking over to her and leaning against the table.

"Because I wanted you to see that nothing is gained from-" The rest of the words died in his throat when Lily threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you," she said. He smiled at returned the hug, savoring in the feel of her in his arms.

"Well, if I'd known that I'd get a free hug out of it, then I'd have done it a long time ago," he chided.

"James, you are incorrigible," Lily laughed, pulling away from him. Peter coughed from the table.

"What, Wormtail? You're interrupting my time with Lily!" James growled. He turned back to her. "So are you going to start putting your full force into your Auror work?"

Lily nodded. "And since you were such a loudmouth, I think you'll be my first victim."

"Anytime, lovely," he grinned.

Lily made sure that he wasn't grinning at the next Auror class that they practiced dueling in. She wanted to show him just how into it she was now. As he limped away, draped around Sirius' shoulder, she couldn't help but see a satisfied grin on his face.

17. Tsubasa no Keikaku

18. Don't Speak

19. Get Yourself

20. Find My Way Back

21. Saints and Angels

"When we're torn apart, shattered and scarred
Love has the grace to save us
We're just two tarnished hearts
But in each other's arms
We become saints and angels."
-Saints and Angels, Sara Evans

Chapter Twenty-One

Lily was busy putting the finishing touches on her parchment about the Unforgivable Curses when a shadow passed over her. She was about to tell off James Potter when she found herself face-to-face with his best friend.

"Oh, hello," Lily said. Sirius actually was her least favorite Gryffindor, as she'd like to believe that he was the one who ruined the rest of them, because some part of her wanted to think that James was good at one point. And after all, Sirius was a Black...

"Mind if I join you tonight?" Sirius asked, looking at the chair.

Lily stared at him dryly. "I'm not going to accompany you to your room tonight, Black-"

"No," Sirius laughed. "I just...I wanted some intelligent conversation tonight, and as my mates and I aren't speaking to each other..."

"Oh," Lily said. "Well, some of them aren't that smart-"

"Tell me about it," Sirius snorted. "I tell you, I don't think Pete would have passed fifth year if it wasn't for us-"

"I meant Potter."

"Oh," Sirius blinked. "What's he done?"

She glared at him. "As if you don't know."

"I probably do, but enlighten me anyways."

"I found out," she sniffed. "That he has been spying on me for the past year."

"Ah," Sirius nodded. "That would do it."

"I mean, and then the blighter starts talking about how he �saved my life, so I shouldn't be mad at him-'"

"How so?" Sirius asked.

"I'm..." she looked down and seemed a bit uncomfortable. "I'm not supposed to be talking about it to anyone. Potter hasn't told you?"

"About?"

"Someone used the Trifalsus potion on me," Lily said, quietly. She tried not to think about the incident itself, and was more focused on the discovery of James' spying on her, so when she was forced to think about it, it always sent chills up her spine.

"Someone what?" Sirius yelled.

"SHH!" Lily said, putting her hand on his arm. "In any case, Potter was spying on me when it took effect, so he...saved my life."

"You don't look to happy about this," Sirius said.

"He spied on me, Sirius!" Lily said, shaking her head. "I cannot forgive that."

"Seems a bit silly to me," Sirius said. "To not be speaking to him after he saved your life, simply because he spied on you..."

"Well, that sounds like something his friend would say," Lily sniffed.

"Too bad I'm not his friend at the present time," Sirius sniffed.

"Why?" Lily asked.

"What happened is a sensitive subject between Remus, James, and I," Sirius stated. "But all you need to know is that Sirius screwed up...royally."

"I see," Lily nodded. "And have you even tried to apologize?"

Sirius sighed. "Lily, this screw-up won't even partially be forgiven with a simple apology."

"Yes, but it's a first step," Lily said.

"Maybe you should take your own advice," Sirius said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you should maybe start to forgive James if he apologizes-"

"I'm not going to forgive what he did-"

"Oh bloody hell, Lily," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "The man just wanted to figure out how you'd like him back, can you give him a break?"

Lily stared at him as he stood up, annoyed and walked to the portrait hole, just as James walked through it. The two of them stared at each other for a minute, and then glared at each other.

"Lily?" James continued walking and came up to Lily. "The headmaster wants to see us."

"For what?"

"I can't discuss it here," James threw a nasty glance to Sirius, who rolled his eyes.

"Who said I wanted to listen?" he called from the portrait hole.

"Who said I wanted to tell you?"

"Please!" Lily interrupted. "Let's go, James."

James gave Sirius a triumphant glance and walked out of the Common Room with Lily.

"So what's this all about?" Lily asked.

"Revenge," James said, simply. That was all that was spoken until they reached the stone gargoyle and walked up the stairs. Lily was shocked to find Bellatrix sitting there, complacently, with Professor Dumbledore and a man she didn't know, but he looked nothing like a wizard she'd ever seen. He had the straightest part of hair and the most impeccable mustache that she was sure she'd nick her finger on it if she touched it-

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore interrupted her thoughts. His eyes weren't twinkling, but he was looking quite grave. "This is Bartemius Crouch, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"Er...hello." Lily nodded. Crouch gave Lily a once over and then looked back to Dumbledore.

"Albus, I'd much rather get this over and done with as soon as possible."

"Yes, yes, of course," Professor Dumbledore said. He turned to Lily and James. "Miss Evans, you were poisoned on the sixth of April, were you not?"

"Yes, sir," Lily nodded.

"And Mr. Potter, did you save her using an Engorgement Charm?" Dumbledore nodded to James.

"Yes sir," James nodded as well.

"And I attest to the fact that Miss Evans was suffering from the after-effects of the Trifalsus potion," Dumbledore said, quietly.

"Taken, Lily Evans was poisoned by the Trifalsus Potion," Bartemious Crouch said, hurried.

"Now, as for the culprit," Dumbledore turned to Lily. "Miss Evans, what contact have you had with Miss Black before the incident?"

"Not much..she's in my year but..." She looked at Bellatrix who was smiling smugly. "But the day of the incident, she...put something on my neck," Lily reached back and rubbed the back of her neck.

"And the day before," James said, speaking up. "She was wearing a foul smelling perfume, because I couldn't get it out of my nose for two hours afterwards."

"You can't prove any-" Bellatrix stopped short when Dumbledore procured two items; a perfume sprayer and a small vile.

"Traces of both a diluted Swelling Solution and the Drought of the Living Dead," Dumbledore explained. "These were found by an anonymous source in an anonymous place. Inside are traces of both the Swelling Solution in this perfume bottle and the Drought of the Living Dead in this vial, which are used in the Trifalsus potion."

"And why do you say those are mine?" Bellatrix sneered. Dumbledore waved his hand over the vials and two white figures (both which were identical to Bellatrix), picked up the bottles and used them; the perfume bottle on herself and the vial on a ghost of Lily.

After this display, Bellatrix's upper lip stiffened visibly.

"We also have five House Elves who are ready to testify that they saw you in the kitchens the day of April fifth."

"What importance was that day?" Bellatrix asked.

"That was the day you poisoned her, idiot," James muttered.

"With all of this evidence, do you wish to change your plea?" Dumbledore asked, his eyes hard. "If you plead guilty, you might receive a lesser sentence. And if you wish to divulge the whereabouts of Voldemort's next meeting spot, you might even be let free. Perhaps, you'd like to name a few Death Eaters?"

Bellatrix let out a loud, shrill laugh. "Me? Sell out my master? I would rather go to Azkaban."

Dumbledore sighed, gravely. "As I hate to see such youth wasted, but Mr. Crouch..."

"Gladly," Crouch said, shooting manacles out of his wand and chaining Bellatrix's hands together. Dumbledore handed him her wand and the three of them marched out of the office.

Lily and James, completely stunned, followed them out of the office but stood there and watched as Bellatrix was lead out of Hogwarts, chained and head held high.

"Oh my God....he was trying to murder me?" Lily let out.

"Yes, it's cause you're in the Auror Program," James agreed conversationally. Lily turned at threw daggers at him.

"And I suppose that you found this out listening to Dumbledore as your illegal Animagus form, huh?"

"Lily..." James was tired of everyone being so mad at him. He turned to her and put his hand on her arm. "Look, I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong, and I'm-"

"Potter, save it." Lily growled. "I don't want your apologies."

"What do you want?" James asked.

"I want you to leave me alone!" Lily cried, turning and running down the hall.

***

After the talk of Bellatrix Black's grand arrest, and the pointing of the papers at how she was a supposed Death Eater died down, the school returned to boring, even more so since the Marauders were still not on friendly terms. The days sped by way too fast (as dates which are undesirable tend to do), and before any of the four knew it, it was the full moon.

Unlike past full moons, neither James nor Remus nor Sirius nor Peter had even spoken to each other. The only signs that any of them had remembered was the gradual peakiness of Remus' face with each closing day. Though neither of the other three spoke to each other, they all felt completely terrible at the prospect of Remus spending the night by himself and hurting himself, as he had used to do.

A dark shadow scuttled across the darkening grounds of Hogwarts, trying not to be seen by anyone. He wanted to get down to the Whomping Willow before Remus completely lost his mind. Even if Remus would never speak to him again, he didn't want to leave him to hurt himself.

He tapped the Whomping Willow's root and then slid through the doorway into the dark tunnel. He felt his way along the wall, breaking off bits of dirt that were packed into the wall. He felt as if he stepped on something and then tripped.

"Ow! Who's there?!"

"Prongs?"

"Padfoot?"

"Lumos," James whispered, and the light came on the two of them. Or, more accurately, just Sirius. James was still under the invisibility cloak. He shrugged it off of his head and stared at his former-friend.

"What're you doing here?" James asked.

"I'm gonna go see Moony," Sirius mumbled. "You, too?"

"Is it a good idea for you to be here?" James glared at him. "You may tell someone else how to get past it. Maybe have a party tonight?"

"Prongs, I'm sorry," Sirius said, sincerely. "I fucked up royally."

"Yeah, you did," James said. Sirius threw his hands up in the air and plopped down on the ground, putting his head in his hands.

"Prongs, you're my best mate," he said, softly. "These past few weeks have been hell for me without you and Moony. Oh yeah, Wormtail, too," he added as an afterthought. "I know what I did was wrong and all I'm asking is for your forgiveness."

"It's not mine to give," James said, not looking at him. "Padfoot, I want to forgive you, but I can't help as if I'm betraying Moony if I forgive you before he does."

"So that's it, then?" Sirius asked, hollowly.

"I guess, so," James nodded. Sirius took a deep breath and stood up again, marching towards the patch of light in front of him. James, confused, followed.

"P-Padfoot?" Remus stuttered when they came into the shack. "What are you doing here?"

"Moony, I'm sorry," Sirius said, walking over to him. "I am so incredibly-completely-totally- irreversibly-inescapably-please-please-pretty-please-with-a-Chocolate-Frog-on-top-forgive-me sorry."

"Padfoot, I-"

"And I promise I'll never lay a hand on anyone as long as I live. No more pranks, no more anything, I'll even help old ladies across the street."

"Sirius, wait-"

"And I promise that I'll make top grades now and I'll be nice to my family and I'll never touch another girl as long as I....wait," he reconsidered, "I'll never sleep with another girl unless I really fancy her, no, unless I really fancy her, or she's really drunk...no, that's not right-"

"PADFOOT!" Remus interrupted him. "It's ok."

"I-what?" Sirius did a double-take.

"What?" James asked.

Remus took a deep breath, and they could tell that it was paining him to breath. "Padfoot, I'm not...happy...with what you did, and I'll probably never forgive you for doing it-"

"But, Moony-"

"However," Remus said, louder, "I'm forgiving you as you, not for what you did...did that make sense?"

Sirius and James looked at each other and shook their heads �no.' Remus sighed and rubbed his stomach.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is..." he looked up at them with tears in his eyes. "I'm...I'm really glad you're here. I don't like being alone on a full moon...and I don't want you to hate me and-"

"Dear me, Moony's getting weepy and he's rambling incessantly," James sighed, a giant weight lifted off of his shoulders. "Sirius, I think that-"

"THANK YOU MOONY!" Sirius cried, running at his friend and tackling him to the ground in a hug.

"OOOOWWW!" Remus howled. Sirius sprang off of him and helped him up.

"So, sorry about that, Moony-"

"It's ok," Remus grunted. "I was so worried that you wouldn't come and then I'd be all alone again..."

"Moony, we'll never let you go through this alone," James said, plopping down beside him.

"You know, we'll always be here for you," Sirius patted him on the back, gently. "No matter what."

Suddenly, the door squeaked open and a rat ran through. The three humans laughed as Peter transformed and wondered, "What's so funny?"

The laughter ended when Remus went stiff and pain marred his face. James and Sirius nodded at each other and transformed.

The Marauders, though no longer the wild, boisterous boys they were before, were back in business.

22. The First Cut is the Deepest

"I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure gonna give you a try
If you wanna try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know
The first cut is the deepest."
-The First Cut is the Deepest, Cat Stevens

Chapter Twenty-Two

The Marauders made their comeback with a big bang. Literally. After that �eventful' afternoon, it soon became apparent to the rest of the school that the four were making up for lost time. Every time a class got out, there would be some new happening in the hallway. But along with these pranks, slowly a new image of the four became apparent. They were no longer the mean pranksters who chose innocent students as the victims, although Slytherins were often involved.

With the promise of fun times in the hallways, classes and days passed quickly and soon exams were over and gone and the students were boarding the Hogwarts Express for their homes.

"Well, I knew everything would work itself out," Sirius stretched from his side of the compartment, ignoring the doubting glance from Remus. "I'd hate to think of a Marauder-less Hogwarts."

"You'd better get used to the idea," Remus said, stretching his feet across to the other seat. "Next year is our last year."

"Ah-ha, dear Moony, I have thought of that! Next year, we're going to have a Marauder boot camp to train a group of kids to fill our humongous shoes."

"Dare we ruin a batch of kids in that fashion?" Remus said, thoughtfully.

From the other side of the compartment, next to the window, James let out a mournful sigh as he watched the trees fly by. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Prongs, you'll see her over the summer," he said.

"�s not gonna do anything," James mumbled. "I tried talking to her yesterday and you know what she said to me?"

"What?" Peter said.

"Nothing! She completely ignored me!"

"Well, that's better than throwing insults, I guess," Sirius shrugged. "Prongs, I know that this sounds bad, but you'd better find yourself another girl. What about that chick that you dated last summer? I'll bet she's still available-"

"I don't want anyone else," James mumbled. "I want her."

"Prongs, why you're so obsessive, I'll never understand," Sirius cringed, standing up. "Pardon me, mates, but I have to take a leak."

"Thanks for the information," Remus snorted.

"Anytime!" Sirius whistled merrily as he exited the compartment.

***

Sirius strolled down the hall, peeking into compartments, seeing if there were any of just girls. A flash of red caught his eye and he backstepped to look through the window. Lily was sitting in there, all alone, reading some book. Sirius slid open the door and leaned against it.

"Afternoon, Miss Evans-"

"Save it, Black," Lily snorted. "I wondered when Potter would send in one of his cronies to sway my way of thinking."

"Ouch!" Sirius laughed, closing the door behind him. "What have I done to merit this attack?"

Lily glared at him.

"Come on, Lily love, he's not bad as all that is he? Sure, he tricked you a tiny bit by spying on you, but what's a bloke supposed to do when he likes a girl."

"Oh, it wasn't for that. I know how you two work. You're just after sex and that's it."

"My, my, Lily love..." Sirius chuckled, sliding into the seat across from Lily. She looked about to say something about it. "A bit big-headed, aren't we?"

She nearly stood up in intrepidation. "I like how everyone thinks that I'm the big-headed one here!!"

"Thinking that he went through all that just to get some action from you. You're pretty cute, Darling, but no bird's worth all of that trouble, unless she's real special."

"Really?" Lily said, doubtingly. "So care to inform me as to why he spied on me?"

"Probably because he loves you," Sirius shrugged. Lily's mouth dropped open and then she laughed, nervously.

"Your daft, Black. Potter? Loves me?"

It was Sirius' turn to laugh. "Where have you been the past 3 years, Lily love? He's been falling over himself every time someone even mentions your name?"

"But he can't possibly....love me..."

"Maybe he doesn't know it now, but he does," Sirius shrugged. "Even now, he's sitting in our compartment, near tears because you won't give him the time of day anymore. His exact words were �I don't want anyone else, I want her'."

"Exactly!" Lily said, closing her book. "Only me? The one he can't get!"

"There you go again, sounding egotistical." Sirius sighed.

"Well, what else am I supposed to believe? He turned into an Animagus to date me? To get to know me better? To prove that he's the best in the class?"

Sirius opened and closed his mouth. Lily looked down at her book again.

"So...I take it that the rest of you are Animagi, right?"

"Yeah," Sirius nodded. "Sorta."

"Since Prongs is obvious, what is Padfoot?" she asked. Sirius looked out the window and then transformed into the big, shaggy dog. Lily looked at him with a raised eyebrow and waited until he turned back.

"And Wormtail is a rat-"

"Fitting," Lily snorted. "And Moony?"

"Er....Remus' mum showed us some pictures when he was a baby and he was bare naked, so-"

"Sirius, you aren't going to sit there and tell me that Peter Pettigrew became an Animagus, one of the most advanced spells, and Remus Lupin did not?"

"He...well...he doesn't need to," Sirius looked down. "I...I got in trouble once for telling more about it, so I'd rather not go on-"

"He's a werewolf, isn't he?" Lily stated. Sirius looked at her with an open mouth and nodded. Lily sat back and smiled at Sirius. "Well, I'm glad I wasn't totally off base."

"How'd you find out?" Sirius asked.

"Sirius, I used to take rounds with him, remember? He'd always find some excuse to get out of going on the full moon. Plus he always looks so sick, but, what does that have to do with you being Animagi?"

"You have to understand something, love," Sirius said, leaning forwards. "Remus, when he transforms, it's very painful. It's actually much worse after, though. Without humans to bite at, he bites at himself."

Lily gasped.

"He'd come back bleeding and half-dead from blood loss, but he'd always keep his head up and carry on. So me and James, once we figured it out, we decided that we'd do something about it. Actually," Sirius thought, "it was all James, and me, always looking for an opportunity to show off, joined him. It took us three years to finally master it all by ourselves, most of that was helping Wormtail, but we finally did it.

"You see, Lily-love, when we're with Moony, he doesn't hurt himself, and he keeps more of his mind. So that's why James became an Animagus. Not to spy on you, or to do anything bad, but to help his best friend."

Lily looked at the ground and laughed a little bit. "And here I was, thinking that he did that just to get in bed with me and he's been doing it for his friend."

"Yes, you see how that was a bit big-headed of you," Sirius nodded. "But you didn't know. So now that you know, what do you think of Mr. James William Potter?"

Lily sat back and eyed him. "Now how do I know that this isn't some story that you concocted to...." She sighed. "Never mind, that's probably big-headed of me too."

"He's not such a prat, though, is he?"

"There's still the fact that he spied on me. And that he fights Snape with no apparent reason!"

"Ah, yes. Well, the first one is a big, giant screw up on his part," Sirius winked. "I never said that he was perfect, now did I? He's been trying to apologize to you, and you've been blowing him off. As to the second part of that accusation, I can honestly say that he will never fight Snape again while you are in the vicinity."

"And how do you know this?" Lily asked.

"Well, you see, we've all had some screw-ups lately, James had his, and I had mine. I-er-sorta told Snape how to get to Remus when he asked-"

"You did what?"

"Funny, that's what James said when I told him," Sirius laughed, nervously. "But anyways, long story short, James saved Snape's life and was in this life-debt thing that pure-blooded idiots have. So to pay it off, Snape agreed to not bug you two and to go get the junk that Bellatrix used to try to kill you."

"James saved his life?" Lily gasped. "But he hates Snape!"

"Yeah, he does, but he doesn't want to see anyone get killed, Lily-love. Deep down, James has a heart, it's just not in the right place often." He leaned forwards. "So how �bout it, Lily-love? Wanna give James another chance?"

Lily laughed a little bit. "Why are you so interested?"

"Well, because I have to live with the prick and all summer it'll be moaning and whining about how �Lily doesn't love me' and �I've missed my chance forever.' Don't you love me more than that?"

"He won't do that," Lily blushed.

"Oh yes he will. He's doing it right now, in our compartment. Go see!" Sirius said.

"I think I'll pass, thanks," Lily smiled, half-heartedly. "I've got some thinking to do."

"Well, just understand that nobody's perfect, but James really does love you."

"Sirius, we've already gone over this before. James doesn't love me-"

"Oh," Sirius laughed, "did I say �love?' I meant, �wants do date,' oops!"

"I'm sure you did, Padfoot," Lily said. "You'd better get back to the rest of your group, lest they come looking for you."

"I will, and you do your thinking. Just remember that you love me and my sanity!" Sirius said, as he walked out the door.

***

James shuffled off the train and immediately spotted his parents. Sirius was already bounding over to give them big hugs (in front of his own parents who barely ever looked at him when he lived with them). He watched as Lily stepped off of her compartment and went to go get her things off of the train.

"James! Honey, what's wrong?" Mrs. Potter said, touching her son's face. "You look like you've lost every game this season."

"It's nothing, Mum," James sighed.

"He's just had his last chance with this girl and now she won't even look at him," Sirius filled in. James scowled at him and then pouted.

"Come on, son, I'm sure that she'll forgive you after a bit of the ol' Potter charm!"

"Sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Potter, but that ol' Potter charm is what drove her away in the first place!" Sirius sniggered.

"Stuff it, Padfoot," James threatened, but it was a half-hearted threat.

"Erm...James?" came a very timid and nervous voice behind him. James felt his heart leap into his throat and he turned around. Lily had a light blush on her cheeks and was biting her lip (rather cutely, James thought).

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Can I...can I talk to you for a second?" She was aware of Mrs. Potter's eyes on her and she looked down at her entwined fingers.

"Sure?" James looked to his mother and shrugged, following Lily to a semi-secluded portion of the platform.

Lily turned around and finally looked James in the eye. "Look, P-James. I-"

"Lily, I'm so sorry that I did what I did!" James interrupted, taking her hands. The dam was broke. "I'm sorry that I'm such a prat, and I'm sorry that I spied on you. I'm sorry that I hurt you, though I didn't mean to, honestly I didn't. All I wanted was to find out more about you and-" Lily took one hand out of his and pressed the tips of her finger to his mouth.

"James," Lily smiled. "It's me who should be apologizing. Here I was being such a...'big- head,' when all you were doing was helping Remus."

James stood back. "How-" She pressed her fingers harder to his mouth to silence him.

"A little doggy walked in and told me," she smiled. James rolled his eyes.

"I should have known. He looked way to smug when he came back from the loo."

"Anyways, what I'm trying to say is..." She took a deep breath. "James, I've done a lot of thinking since Sirius talked with me, and I've decided that you aren't a....as much of a prat as I originally thought. And, I was so busy being...well...being terrible, that I never had the opportunity to thank you for saving my life...So...and just stop me if this sounds really lame, but...if you want, sometime in-between Auror classes, we can...get together...if you-"

"You mean it!" James' eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas. "Really?"

Lily nodded. His mouth broke out into the biggest smile that Lily had ever seen him, and it was a nice smile (and it made him very cute, she added silently). He lunged forwards and swept her into a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you so much, Lily!" he whispered.

"James," Lily pushed him away a little (but not too much, she was still in his arms). "I...well, if this turns out to be anything, I want to go slow."

"Slow! Yes! I can do slow!" he nodded, vagariously. He had a calculating look on his face for a moment and then leaned forward. Lily moved her head to the side a little bit.

"Slow, remember?"

"A kiss on the cheek?" James begged. "Just a little peck?" Lily looked doubtful. "Come on, it's a friendly thing. And I promise it'll be innocent-"

"You aren't still on about that, are you?" Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine, a little �peck' on the cheek."

James grinned and leaned forwards-

"So, Prongs, what are we going to do when we get home?" Sirius interrupted when James was an inch from Lily's creamy cheek. James cleared his throat and gave Sirius a meaningful glance. Sirius made a sound of understanding.

"Sorry!" he apologized.

"Sorry about that, Lily," James whispered and went to kiss her on the cheek.

"But as I was saying-!" Sirius came up again. James growled and whirled on him.

"Padfoot, I'm kinda BUSY right...." He also had a look of recognition and then scowled as Sirius shook with silent laughter.

"That's not funny," he pointed.

"Yes, actually, it's riotous," Sirius stepped back a little bit. "But sorry, Lily-love. I'll let you get your kiss."

"Thank you, Padfoot," James glared. He turned back to Lily and put his hand on her cheek, leaning forwards....

"But it's just too good of an opportunity-" Sirius didn't finish that statement because James had bounded after him. James skidded to a stop after a few steps, backtracked to Lily, grabbed her face in his hands, and planted a very sensuous kiss flat on her lips that left her a little dizzy.

"See you later, Lily!" he called, running after his best friend. He finally caught up with Sirius and tackled him to the ground, putting him in a head lock.

"Good gracious, Lily, is that your boyfriend?" Petunia's snobbish voice came from behind Lily. Her mother stood with her hands on Oliver's shoulders watching Lily with amusement in her eyes.

"Not yet, Petty, but he is...sorta deer to me," she shrugged, following her family off the platform and back into Muggle London.

SGR's Note: Hello and thanks for reading! I decided to wait until the end of the book to do an Author's note simply because I have a surprise for you.

There are two completed sequels. And they are both on FF.N.

Why did I wait so long? Because this book was crap on FF.N, and the sequels are crap too, but not so much crap. I'm going to edit the other two and post them here as well, but if you *just* can't wait, go to FF.N.

Again, thank you so much for reading, I very much appreciate it!