The Play's The Thing

Title - The Play's The Thing

Author - William Evans Potter

Spoilers - Books 1-5

Summary - DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ BOOK FIVE!! (On the off chance that you have not yet managed to snare your own copy) It was the end of the second Wizarding war, and as our heroes returned triumphant, Harry had remained withdrawn since that time. However, he has a shocking surprise for everyone.

Rating - PG for Language (perhaps one swear word or two)

Author's Note: Hello everyone. I'm so sorry about all the delay between my last one shot and this one, but as you all know, real life can be real troublesome. So I've taken some time off just to finish up this little bunny for you all. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All the Harry Potter characters belong to J. K. Rowling, a giant among writers. The character of Gordon Devereaux belongs to the story “The Time of Their Life” by Amynoelle and Heaven, and the idea behind the villain in the play comes from a story on The Snitch forums called “Night of the Living Fan Fictions,” authored by someone who I can't remember right now. Any help giving me the person's name so I can give proper credit would be greatly appreciated. In otherwords, I only own the plot.

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Hermione Granger was really worried. This had become nothing new for her; in fact, it was second nature to be worried. But that was back during the war, when Voldemort was still alive and the wizarding world was preparing for the worst. But then Harry showed strength of character and resolve as he faced down the most evil and vile wizard of the modern era and took him down.

Harry Potter. Her Harry Potter.

Everyone who knew about it teased her incessantly about the not-so-secret crush she had for Harry since, since… she couldn't even remember how long she had this crush at this point, it had permeated every single cell of her body, all her electrons and neurons were completely focused towards Harry. When he would step into a room, her eyes lit up. When he gave that boyish, charming smile her stomach would flutter, knees weaken, and heartbeat quicken. But the problem was that both were exceedingly rare instances these days.

Since the end of the war, Harry had become somewhat of a recluse. He didn't shut anyone out of his life, nor did he even stop appearing in public. But he became withdrawn, secretive, always working on this “special project” of his. Hermione always gave him her full support, but what was odd was when he asked to borrow a book on Shakespeare. It was peculiar, but nevertheless, whatever Harry had wanted to use was his as far as she was concerned. Besides, she could never refuse him when he looked at her with those deep pools of emerald that she thought of as windows to his soul. So she couldn't imagine what surprise would be in store for her when she came home one evening after a long day at the Ministry delivering yet another report on some newly developed charm. She was about to sink into her favorite chair and relax, but found herself on someone else's body instead. She jumped up, wand out quickly to find herself looking into the amused, twinkling eyes of emerald she had come to love.

“Bloody fucking hell Harry!”

This only served to amuse him further, with a questioning look in his eyes.

“The bookworm? A swearer? Didn't know you had it in you Hermione.”

“Well after hanging around the two of you all my developmental life, it shouldn't surprise you.”

Harry gave a small chuckle, lighting up Hermione's heart. “Well, that is true. We did thoroughly corrupt you.”

Hermione slowly put her wand away as she looked back at Harry. He was wearing a casual white t-shirt as well as a pair of blue jeans, but neither did anything to detract from his handsomeness in her opinion; as a matter of fact, it did the exact opposite, making him appear, well… scrumptious. Had she not been looking him over, she would have seen him doing the exact same thing. She herself had on her typical work robes normally, but underneath she also liked to wear a nice looking shirt and a pair of nice black slacks to go with them. She knew there were a few people that turned their heads when she walked, but her eyes were solely for Harry. She looked him back in the face with a curious glance.

“So what are you doing here?”

Harry held out her book, a smile on his face. “I came to return this. It was a big help, let me assure you.”

“Really? On what?”

“Well, you'll just have to see soon. It's taken me a little while to work on, but trust me, the entire wizarding world will hear about it and love it.” Harry once again gave her that amused, bright smile that lit up the entire world around him, and all she could do was simply nod her head with a smile as he brought her out of her house. She looked at him, confused.

“What are you doing?”

“Well seeing how I haven't been out in a while, I figured on going out to eat and would like you to come along with me.” Hermione smiled at this, but then felt a yawn come on that she simply couldn't stifle. Harry looked at her, and then smiled, leading her back to the couch in her den.

“No, I'll be fine Harry…” Hermione said with a weak voice, trying to get up, but Harry gently lay her back down on the couch as he started away for a moment.

“Don't move. I'll bring you something.”

Hermione lay back and relax, hearing the sounds of pans clanking, dishes being pulled out, water running, then the other various sounds of Harry cooking something. Slightly curious, she would have lifted her head to look at Harry's work, but realized that she had just put in a counter just above her couch so as to allow her guests to place their food behind them and not be disturbed by continually holding it. So sighing, she laid back and enjoyed the aromatic smells wafting in the air towards her, her eyes closed as she let a small moan escape her. Within a few minutes, Harry came back out, carrying two plates of what looked like the most delicious chicken parmesan, as well as having in two behind him two glasses of her favorite wine and a small lidded tray. She felt the small trickle start to form at her mouth and gave Harry a heartfelt smile.

“Oh you don't know how much I've missed home-cooked meals!”

“I can imagine, especially since I'm talking to the girl who made the Easy Bake Oven a difficult task,” Harry said with a chuckle. Hermione gave him a mock glare.

“I'll have you know that that particular Oven was faulty!”

“And the four after that?” Hermione just bowed her head low before looking back up with a smile.

“Alright, so I was never great in the kitchen.” Satisfied, Harry had the rest of the dishes start to set down in front of the two, the wine glasses right next to each other.

“I hope one day you will be able to tell me how to do wand less magic Harry,” Hermione said, eyeing him with a look Harry could remember all too well in school - the look that said she was looking forward to dissecting a new specimen.

“Trust me Hermione; when I'VE learned how to master it completely, you'll be the first to know.” Satisfied, the two ate in silence. They made a silent toast to each other with the wine before Harry lifted the tray to reveal Hermione's favorite desert - a strawberry cheesecake. After they finished it, Harry simply waved his hands to clean the dishes and set them back where he found them before getting up.

“I'm going to run now Hermione, but I've got something… two weeks from now. A special event that I think you might like. Would you like to go?”

Overjoyed in her heart, Hermione smiled at him deeply, her ears almost turning red.

“I'd love to Harry.” Harry beamed at her, which almost caused a blush to tinge at her cheeks.

“Great. Meet me at the burrow two weeks from Friday.” And with that, he exited her apartment with a pop and left her feeling giddy and exited at the prospect of another evening with Harry. She went immediately to her fireplace to floo Ginny the good news.

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On the morning of her appointed date with Harry, Hermione found herself giddy; in fact, she actually heard herself giggle, twice. She couldn't believe she would actually be going out with Harry Potter, even if she was unsure about what kind of date this would be. She found herself looking through her wardrobe for what to wear, even going so far as to take the day off so that she could get herself made up at a salon. At first she was opposed to this, as it was Ginny's salon, and to be frank she never really had the same type of taste that Hermione had, but Hermione had acquiesced when she saw the lady work with some of the most unmanageable hair that Hermione had seen, almost as bad as her own hair once was. Now of course in her older years it had softened slightly, and the bushy hair was more curly that busy, flowing down to the small of her back. For tonight though, the lady had it straightened in such a way that when Hermione looked at it, she knew exactly what type of dress she would wear, especially how fitting it would look on this occasion.

When she arrived at the Burrow, she was greeted by the site of all the Weasleys - yes, even Percy - decked out in their nice clothes while she had on her plain wear with a bag in her hand. She told them she was going to go upstairs to get changed in her outfit so that the floo wouldn't affect it and just as she reached the bathroom heard the telltale pop of Apparation and everyone's voice to greet Harry. She smiled when she thought of what she was going to look like. After a few minutes of applying last minute makeup and another few to get her dress on, Hermione greeted everyone, and inwardly smiled at the dropped open mouth of Harry, staring at her precisely the way she hoped he would.

It had taken a few waves and swishes to adjust it, but she managed to pull out her old Yule Ball dress, and made it look a bit more updated, remembering the night that Harry couldn't take his eyes off her. It was with a smile that Harry took her and the rest of the Weasleys along. When they asked about the location, Harry simply said “It's a surprise.” He handed them all his own portkey as they all grabbed. Moments later they all had appeared in what looked like the backstage of a theatre with a throng of actors and actresses. One of them Hermione recognized from the Wizarding magazines as new sensation Gordon Devereaux. He really was making waves as a great actor. She looked at Harry curiously, as did all the Weasleys.

“Harry, what's going on here?” Harry smiled at them and simply took them with him as they went to the box seats area, waving off other people with a sign that read “Reserved - Harry Potter and co.” and was banishing away everyone else. Harry tapped the sign with the wand and identified himself as it disappeared and the rest filed in, the balcony expanding along with the party members. Finally, after taking their seats, they saw menus appear beside them. When they placed their orders, they looked down and saw the theatre jam packed. Finally, music began to play, typical of the American Broadway style fanfare opening. Then someone came up and began the introduction.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to welcome you tonight. The play you are about to see is a first hand account of the final battle in the last grizzly war we just faced, but with a twist - this play comes to us from the eyes of Harry Potter himself, and is going to be a comedy. We hope you all will enjoy this.”

Everyone cheered and the rest of the Weasleys as well as Hermione had even looked on at Harry and clapped along as well. Harry simply shrunk into his seat, his cheeks and ears the same red color as the Weasley's hair.

“A play?! Oh Harry, how wonderful!” Hermione exclaimed, coming over and hugging him. She settled back into her seat as the lights went low.

The night was a total blast in her opinion, and play was very well written for a comedy. The wizards and witches alike were rolling in their seats with laughter, even at the sight of Lord Volda-Prima-Donna, played by Gordon Devereaux. The highlight had to be the sight of him, along with “Lucius and Bellatrix,” doing their version of the number “I've Put a Spell on You,” by Bette Midler from the movie “Hocus Pocus.” After the show was done and the lights came back up, everyone was cheering raucously, and when the spotlight shined on Harry, the audience was even louder. Hermione couldn't have been more proud. But when Harry waved at the stage, the two actors who played Harry and Hermione came out, smiling.

“While this was the end of our play, we do have one final bit that Mr. Potter himself asked us to do in private, and he hopes you all will enjoy this.”

As he said that, Harry turned to Hermione with a smile, while the actor on stage did a final bit.

“Hermione?”

“Yes?”

“There's something I've wanted to tell you. Something I've not told you since the end of our fifth year.”

“What is it?”

“You see, that night, at the Ministry, I felt something I never felt before, and while it was combined with my fear, it was something there as well.”

“What?”

“Love. I felt love for you Hermione. I - if you had died that night, I would never have been able to make it here.” At this the real Hermione gasped, looking on at Harry with shock.

“Wh- what are you trying to say Harry?”

“I'm saying Hermione I love you.” And with that, the real Harry leaned in and kissed Hermione, a gentle kiss filled with nothing but love. After he was done, Harry looked at her nervously, to which Hermione responded by pulling him in for a harder kiss as the crowd cheered on and the rest of the cast came out as well to join them. When they pulled away, Hermione hugged Harry with tears in her eyes from all the happiness she felt.

“You don't know how long I've waited for this.” Harry grinned at her.

“I might have an idea or two.” They just laughed before they kissed again.

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Please R/R!!

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Author's Note: You know, feeling a bit generous, I've decided to give you all a surprise epilogue not intended to be put originally with the one-shot. So here you all go.

Disclaimer (meaning `get me out of trouble so I won't pay money'): The characters mentioned in this story are not of my creation. Harry Potter and co. belong to the creative mastermind that we know as J. K. Rowling. Gordon Devereaux is the property of Amynoelle and Heaven's story “Time of Their Life,” and Lord Volda-Prima-Dona is a created character out of the Snitch's fanfiction story “Night of the Living Fanfic.” Only the plot belongs to me.

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The Play That Killed by Lavender Brown

Having myself been a member of the final battle at the ground of Hogwarts, I was at first surprised to see someone make a play about the said event. Even more surprising was the fact that the play was written by former classmate and house-mate, Harry Potter, known to many of you as The-Boy-Who-Lived and The-Wizard-Who-Killed-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (man, you people need to call him by his real name, because all those dashes really look annoying). But I have to say, that after watching the production with Laurence Oliver as Harry and hunky import Gordon Devereaux as the hilarious Lord Voldemort (wow, bet you never thought you'd see the word hilarious in front of his name, did you?), Harry masterfully put together something for the wizarding world to use as a catharsis.

We started off with the “Golden Trio,” as Harry refers to them, preparing for the last week of school before Graduation. I myself will never forget the night they disappeared. As the three were sitting around in the common room, listening to the noise and hustle of all the other years nervously pacing about to find out their test results, the three were simply laying on our plush sofa, lounging back even though I could tell they were discussing something serious. Suddenly a hand shot out of the fire, grabbed Hermione, and the three held to each other before she disappeared. We later learned that the hand was a complicated enchanted hand that was sent via floo powder to act as a portkey.

From here, Harry takes things for an interesting ride. For example, when they arrive, they are greeted by a shocked Lucius and Bellatrix, played by Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson respectively. The two were in the middle of changing for something according to the orders from Voldemort, when the Trio arrived inside their dressing room. You might think that Death Eaters would torture the Trio using Unforgivables, but not in Harry's play. No, they were tortured by off-key singing of show-tunes and an apparent “strip tease” by Lucius, which would more than likely have been the most horrible thing to see, had not Voldemort appeared.

In this rare performance side of Mr. Devereaux, we saw him as Voldemort acting like a silly and swarthy girl, even telling off Bellatrix for having a larger mirror than him and Lucius for having too much glitter to distract his spotlight. Of course, Harry does add a touch of realism when he has Voldemort “kill” one of the critics of his performance. Then Harry uses Voldemort, Lucius, and Bellatrix to sing the song “I Put A Spell On You” from the muggle film Hocus Pocus, eventually ending Voldemort by criticizing him so harshly along with the trio that he turns into dust along with the other followers. All in all, there aren't words to describe how utterly hilarious and enjoyable this was. However, the real treat was for us women in the audience after the play had ended.

Harry - showing a side of his charm that no one had seen in Hogwarts - had his characters of Harry and Hermione do a skit where Harry confesses his feelings for Hermione, and in the process the real Harry kissed Hermione in front of everyone. I for one would like to wish the couple on a happy and well deserved relationship.

This has been Lavender Brown, and I'm off to collect my money from Ron.

“Ronald Bilius Weasley!”

Ron flinched the next afternoon, hearing the sound of an extremely irritated and annoyed Hermione coming down the stairs, a copy of the Daily Prophet in her hands. He tucked his head in so low that his neck wasn't visible. Meanwhile, with Hermione came Harry in tow, an amused look on his face.

“You, you… you bet on my love life?!” Ron just held his hands up in the air.

“Not exactly Hermione… you see, we had a bet going on at school started by Lavender, where everyone was betting as to when you two would hook up.” After this, Ron started to stand a little straighter as he put on a stern appearance. “And quite frankly, you disappointed me.”

“Me, disappoint you?”

“Yeah. You know, I did everything in my power to try and hook you two up before the end of seventh year, and yet for some reason you two were stubborn and persistent enough to not listen to me.” Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but Harry quickly swooped in and kissed her, in the process grabbing her as she was falling back. After a long few moments, Harry brought her back up, looking smug while she was disoriented.

“Well um, that is to say… next time, er…” Harry just laughed.

“I think she's trying to tell you thank you in her own way.” Hermione simply nodded mutely. Taking her along with him, Harry walked outside the Burrow as he planned to take her with him for a talk. They ended up simply walking around until Harry reached Stoatshead Hill, where they had once gathered to head to the Quidditch World Cup. Harry sat down with his back to the tree, Hermione in front of him. He hugged her from behind before she turned around to face him.

“So Harry, um, when did you first…” “Have feelings?” She nodded.

“It's hard to say when it began. I mean, it certainly had it's foundations in your help during the Triwizard Tournament, it had its cementing when I thought I had lost you in fifth year, but it's hard to really pinpoint a moment when I started loving you.” She nodded for a moment, her head underneath his as she lay on top of his chest. She thought for a moment, then raised herself up to look at him.

“What about the whole issue of losing my friendship?” Harry thought for a moment and replied hesitantly “Well… I had put you through worse than dating me, so I figured if you would stand with me even when I was a prat, you would stand with me if things didn't work out.” She had a look of mirth in her eyes as she looked at him.

“Oh really? So you just assumed I would be there as your friend Mr. Potter if I had ever had my heart broken by you?” Harry looked like a deer in headlights with his eyes wide open, and she just smiled at him. She patted his cheek and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

“Don't worry. I don't think you could have ever broken my heart.” Harry looked relieved before he continued to hold her in an embrace. Looking tentative for a moment, Harry asked her “So… what did you think of the play?” Hermione looked at him with a smile.

“It had the best `Happily Ever After' for me.”

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