The Rat Files by Capn Rating: PG13 Ship: Harry & Hermione Canon: Books 1 - 5 Genre: Humor Status: In progress Length: 4,897 words in 2 chapters Published: 22 Dec 2004 Last updated: 24 Dec 2004 Harry drinks a botched potion and finds himself six inches long with a stringy tail and whiskers - Hermione looked the brown rat over. “Ron, it looks like a regular disease-ridden rat to me.” Harry scowled. For a girl so bent on helping out non-human creatures, she sure was mean to rats. From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/3454/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. I AM NOT A GIRL “So Weasley, how many dumpsters did you have to rummage through before you were able to find that moldy mop bucket you call a potions cauldron?” Malfoy asked conversationally from the desk across from them. He turned around and flashed them a feigned innocent smile. But Draco Malfoy wouldn’t know innocent if it bit him in the hindquarters. Ron fumed and made a move to stomp his pasty blond head into the floor. “Really, Malfoy. Can’t you think of anything better than that? You’ve really been slacking on the poor jokes lately.” Hermione quickly grabbed Ron’s arm and pulled him back before he got them all a detention. Lately, Snape wasn’t below giving random people detention, as well as the people who were unfortunately seated in close proximity. “This is just priceless! The little fuzzy Mudblood defending her trash of a boyfriend. I must say, I saw this coming.” Draco pretended to clap. He punched Crabbe and Goyle and they miraculously got the point and clapped as well. “Your Mudblood jokes are going kind of stale too, Malfoy. Why don’t you ask your father? I’m sure he and the other washed-up, old has-been Death Eaters are having a jolly good time down at Azkaban telling jokes.” Harry said hotly as he too restrained Ron’s advances. Malfoy glared at him. “You’ll pay for that one, Potter.” “Oh, will I now? What are you going to do, tell your daddy on me?” “Harry, stop.” Hermione whispered. “Shut up, Potter.” Malfoy took out his wand. Harry did the same. “Oh, so you’re the only one allowed to spew bullshit around here, is that right Malfoy? You can call my friends Mudbloods and trash but I can’t call your father a sniveling little – “ “Harry, stop!” Hermione clamped her hand over his mouth, just as Snape swept into their presence, glaring down upon his students. “Is there something going on here?” he asked slowly, looking deliberately at Harry. “Malfoy’s a cheap, dirty, conniving son of a – “ “Well, Potter and his goonies have decided – “ “Malfoy is just being his usual cowardly, bastardly - “Uhh…duhr….err….” Ron, Malfoy, Harry, and Crabbe and Goyle all began speaking at once and Snape looked about ready to hex them all into oblivion. “You guys, shut UP!” Hermione was stunned at her own daring. All eyes in the classroom fell on her. Snape sneered. “Ten points from Gryffindor, for being a bossy know-it-all who doesn’t know her place.” Harry fumed. “That’s – “ “Twenty points each from Potter and Weasley for fighting.” Malfoy smirked. Snape turned sharply to make his way back to the front of the room and stumbled right into Crabbe and Goyle, who were still standing there looking up at him blankly. “And five points from Slytherin for allowing these two stumps to remain as unintelligent as they are.” He stormed away. Malfoy shot daggers at his two minions, who were looking at each other, puzzled. Harry turned back to Ron and Hermione, both of whom were bright red in a mixture of outrage and embarrassment. “That slimy, greasy – “ “That’s enough, Ron. We don’t need any more points taken from Gryffindor.” Hermione warned, carefully brewing their group’s potion. “I think Snape’s got his mind set on getting us into the negatives this year.” She poured their potion into three cups, one for each of them. They were practicing the Illumination Potion, which was rumored to be in the class’s final exam. It caused the drinker’s body to glow a bright orange and it was used on wizards who waved other wizards on broomsticks into a safe place for landing. “Now we just add one hair of Lumen Rat.” Hermione pulled the small baggie of tiny unremarkable brown hairs from her pocket and opened it. “What’s a Lumen Rat?” Harry wondered, not really caring. He just wanted to take his mind off of stuffing Snape’s massive nose into Neville’s old trainers. Hermione smiled eagerly at him, oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t really listening. “A Lumen Rat is like a common rat, except – “ Suddenly Crabbe came bumbling over from his table and crashed deliberately into Hermione, and they fell to the floor in a heap. “Hey – get – GET OFF!” Hermione shoved at Crabbe’s whale-like body. He grinned stupidly and made his way back to his table, where they saw Malfoy grin and wave gleefully. “Asshole did that on purpose!” Ron raged. Hermione quickly went to hold Harry and Ron back by the arms. “You guys, we don’t need anymore trouble. I’m fine!” She hissed. “Hermione, let me go and I swear I’ll – “ “Harry!” Hermione scolded. “Just don’t. Come on, let’s do our potion. Please?” “Sending his big ugly gorilla to practically rape you – “ “HARRY! He did nothing of the sort now will the two of you just bloody SIT DOWN!” Harry relaxed, but shook Hermione’s hands away defiantly. “Fine. Where are those Lumen Rat hairs?” Hermione realized she was no longer holding them. “I bet that bloody git stole them!” Ron turned back around looking murderous. “Ron, no!” Hermione pulled him back. “They’re…right there.” She picked the baggie up off the floor, half of its contents spilled out. She brushed whatever she could salvage from the floor back into the baggie and handed it to her friends. She noticed a lone rat scamper away and she wrinkled her nose in disgust. The dungeons were filthy. “Okay, one hair into your cup.” She instructed. “And we should instantly glow orange.” The three looked hesitantly at the globby contents of their cups. “Are we sure it’s supposed to look like that?” Ron asked skeptically. “Yes.” Hermione said confidently. “Looks kind of like, PolyJuice Potion…” Harry observed. Their last experience with that particular potion wasn’t exactly a nice one. Especially for Hermione. “Yes, well…” Hermione looked a little green. “The Illumination Potion is actually a close cousin of the PolyJuice Potion. Actually, besides a few tiny details, the only difference is the medium we add. Since the potion is not meant for animal transformations, we don’t actually turn into the Lumen Rat, but we gain some of its properties. Namely, the glowing.” “Bloody walking encyclopedia is what you are.” Ron grumbled. “No, Ron, I just have an attention span.” Harry grinned at her. “Okay then, cheers?” He held up his cup. His two friends murmured “Cheers” and clinked their cups. Then they all squinched their eyes shut and prayed for the best. Moments later, Hermione and Ron were glowing a bright neon orange. Ron in particular was hard on the eyes, since his hair seemed to be obnoxiously bright now. Hermione squinted at her friend. “Goodness, Ron. I never had a stronger urge to hit you with something.” “Bloody hell, remind me to make some of this the next Cannons game!” Harry just felt sick. “Harry…you’re not glowing…” Hermione said, concerned. “Are you feeling all right?” He was not feeling all right. There was this tight cramp in his stomach all of a sudden. A sharp, twisting pain that made Harry want to pass out right on the spot. It started at his navel, not unlike a Portkey, except this Portkey hooked in and twisted mercilessly. The room started to spin. “Umm…umm…” He grunted. Then he doubled over in pain. “Harry!” Hermione cried. “Professor Snape, something’s wrong with Harry!” Snape looked him over carelessly. “Get to the Hospital Wing, Potter.” “Sir, shouldn’t we come with him?” “I’m sure Potter can make his way up there by himself. Isn’t that right, Potter?” Snape seemed to be daring him. Snooty, greasy, pompous, rat-face git. Harry glared up at him, but nodded yes. He now felt slightly nauseous and that was not something he wanted Hermione or Ron to see. “Are you sure, Harry?” Hermione asked desperately. “I’ll be right back, Hermione.” Harry reassured her and hobbled to the door. When he was gone, Malfoy wasted no time in bending over and performing an exaggerated pantomime of poisoned Harry hobbling along like a diseased idiot. This time Hermione made no attempt to stop Ron. ~*~ It was all Harry could do to hold back his groans of stomach pain. What the hell had he drank? He and Hermione and Ron had all drank from the same cauldron. There was no difference! Yet, they glowed orange and he just got some sort of weird food poisoning. He grunted aloud when he reached the stairs. Maybe he should have gotten one of them to go with him. There was no way he was going to make it up the stairs. For the first time he wondered why Hogwarts, with its many floors, had never invested in elevators. He silently cursed whoever invented the staircase and then half-crawled upwards. It was then he noticed his hands, which were grasping the cold stone steps. They were covered in brown fur. Harry blinked his watering eyes and looked again. Yes, they were still furry. And his fingers seemed to be growing into long black nails. “I’m hallucinating. I’m definitely hallucinating.” He murmured to himself. Then he heard something scrape behind him. He turned around and was startled to find a long brown snake following him. Wait. That wasn’t a snake. Harry shook his head vigorously to shake himself out of whatever funk he was in. Which in turn tore his attention away from the snake and to his whiskers. His whiskers. “Ahh!” he tried to yelp, but all that came out was a frightened squeak. “What the hell is going on?” he thought to himself. He took a potion….it made him sick…it was exactly the same as Hermione and Ron’s though! Except…the Lumen Rat hair… His stomach sank as he remembered Crabbe causing Hermione to spill the baggie onto the dark, dirty floor. And he remembered Hermione saying the potion was related to the PolyJuice Potion. The gears turned in Harry’s head. Slowly, but surely, he came to a conclusion and he looked back at the “snake” for confirmation. To his dismay, he found what he had been fearing. Then he looked forward and found he was facing a tall stone wall that hadn’t been there before. Actually, yes. It had been there before. Only a few seconds ago it had been the next stair. And the snake was his tail. And he had freaking whiskers. And his nose was wet. And… Bloody. Hell. Harry scrambled over the formerly smooth, but now relatively bumpy floor and found a small puddle of water. It was the dungeons, after all. He was almost afraid to look in, but curiosity got the best of him. He stared at his reflection. Harry Potter was a rat. ~*~ “For homework I want a two foot long essay about the alternative uses of the Illumination Potion.” The neon orange class groaned as they packed their things up. The effects of the potion would last at least one hour more. “Sadistic prat.” Ron grumbled. “And Mr. Weasley, don’t forget your detention tomorrow.” Ron clenched his fists. “We should go see if Harry’s okay.” Hermione said, writing down the assignment on a separate piece of parchment so that she could give it to Harry. “Right.” The followed the mass of students out into the damp corridor. But before they could climb the steps, Ron spied something out of the corner of his eye. He stopped suddenly, almost causing Hermione to fall backwards down four steps. “Ron, you realize if you had done that a split second earlier I would have fallen, cracked my head open, and haunted you relentlessly for the rest of your days.” “Look!” Ron pointed. ~*~ Harry was still staring in shock at his reflection. His long twitchy nose. His beady little eyes. He barely had time to look up before a massive, annoyingly orange hand wrapped itself around his middle and lifted him up. His short limbs scrabbled uselessly. “Ron! Put that down, who knows what diseases it’s carrying!” “Hermione! Ron!” Harry squeaked. Thank Merlin they found him. “It’s ME! HARRY!” “It hasn’t got diseases, Hermione! Actually, it’s quite cute.” “Ron? Ew…” Hermione looked the brown rat over. “Ron, it looks like a regular disease-ridden rat to me.” “Disease-ridden? Excuse me?” Harry scowled. For a girl so bent on helping out non-human creatures, she sure was mean to rats. “Relax, Hermione. It’s not like I’m going to drop dead of bubonic plague…I think I want to keep her…” “Gee, thanks Ron. But this is HARRY! Wait. HER!? What makes you think I’m a girl!?” “What makes you think it’s a girl?” “That’s my Hermione.” Harry applauded, but only succeeded waving his stubby appendages around. “I don’t know. It looks like a girl.” “I do not! I am a deviously masculine rat!” “I don’t know, I think it’s a boy.” “I love this woman.” Harry nodded vehemently, accomplishing nothing except a tighter grip from Ron. “I’ll ask Hagrid tomorrow. He can tell.” Ron said. “What, you mean you’re actually going to keep that…thing!?” Hermione demanded. “I’m not a THING! I’m a HARRY!” “Why not?” Ron clutched Harry to his chest. “Oww, Ron!” Harry thought he felt a rib crack. “Don’t you remember the last time you had a rat??” Hermione pointed out. Ron slumped as he remembered Scabbers. He looked depressed. “Good one, Hermione.” Harry knew that losing his favorite pet had stung, even if it had been an ugly, evil, backstabbing bastard. Hermione softened. “Oh Ron, I’m sorry…” He said nothing. “Look, Ron. After we go visit Harry we’ll go straight to Gryffindor Tower. You can bring…it.” Hermione looked at “it” disdainfully. “Why?” “You’ll see. Come on.” They ran up to the Hospital Wing, with Harry bouncing around helplessly in Ron’s shirt pocket. Harry was elated. As soon as they realized he wasn’t in the Hospital Wing, they would to put two and two together and soon after he would have his own human body back. “You two are going to have to stop right there.” Ron and Hermione swiveled around to face a portrait of a sad clown. “Why?” Ron asked. “They’re having lots of problems up in there.” The melancholy children’s entertainer informed them. “Something about a bad potion. Just then the door to the hospital wing swung open, with Madame Pomfrey looking very heated. Snape followed, looking indignant. “You should have known that Clotropesis Root was expired!” she roared at him. “WHAT!?” Harry cried noiselessly. “It wasn’t all expired!” Snaped snapped back. “I’m not the dolt who ordered the shipment, anyway!” “Tell that to the thirty students in there suffering from poisoning!” “Hey, at least they didn’t mix their damn potions with regular rat fur.” Harry huffed. Snape turned to Ron and Hermione. He pointed at them. “These two came out fine. Obviously it was a bad shipment if some were bad and some where not.” “It doesn’t matter! I’m going to have to speak to Dumbledore about this!” Pomfrey threatened. “Be my guest, Madame. He’s the one who ordered the Clotropesis Root.” He bowed arrogantly and swept away. “That man…is such a…” “You got that right.” Harry agreed. “You got that right.” Ron said. “Madame Pomfrey?” Hermione asked timidly. “Is…is Harry in there?” “No! No I’m not! I’m in Ron’s bloody pocket trying not to fall down the little hole and into his pants!” “Hmm? Oh, he might be, dear. We’ve got so many students from your Potions class right now. They all went straight here after the class ended. Poor dears…” “Can we see him?” Ron asked. “Oh, not tonight I’m afraid. We’re just too busy.” “NO! You have to let them see me! I mean, not see me! I mean, uh…NO!” Harry groaned inwardly. It was going to take forever for them to realize he was missing. “Okay…” Hermione sounded disappointed. Harry’s little rat face frowned. He never liked it when she was disappointed. “Mr. Weasley….is that a rat in your pocket??” Madame Pomfrey’s face twisted in disgust. “Yeah…” “What if it has diseases or something?” Hermione looked pointedly at Ron. “What is it with women and rat diseases?” Harry wondered. “Oh, come on then…” Ron grabbed Hermione arm and pulled her away down towards their Common Room. “Don’t let that thing sleep in your bed with you!” Madame Pomfrey called out behind them. “As if.” Harry snorted. Then he remembered how Ron slept with Scabbers every night. “Good grief.” ~*~ Note: I know, I know I suck at updating existing stories. But if it makes you feel any better, this story is already finished. I wrote this during my finals because…uh…finals sucked. Anyway, it’s really only a matter of posting the chapters (this is a short fic). So review honestly please. This story should be completely posted here before the New Year :-). I SWEAR this time! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 2. Mmm Bacon Back in the Common Room, Ron insisted on petting Harry’s soft brown fur. Harry grimaced. Ron’s touch felt mildly like sandpaper grinding against his soft fur. The boy was in dire need of lotion. He made a mental note to swipe some from Hermione for him later on. “I wonder what Hermione’s going to do to you.” Ron wondered. Harry didn’t care. So long as it stopped Ron from petting him. Earlier Ron had presented his new rat to Lavender and Parvati. To his surprise, they didn’t run away screaming ‘Eeeek!’. They actually thought he was adorable and made cooing noises at him. Their petting was a lot softer and nicer than Ron’s, girls had really soft, smooth hands. He made another mental note; before he turned back to a human he would find those two and get them to pet him again. “Okay Ron, here’s the test.” Hermione strolled in from her dorm, carrying her giant orange cat. “Crookshanks!?” “Crookshanks!?” Harry froze. Good Merlin. “Hermione, are you insane!? I did not bring Bacon here just to give your bloody cat a quick dinner!” He protectively held Harry against his chest. “Bacon?” “Bacon!?” “Yeah…I think I’m going to name her Bacon.” Ron nodded. “Stop calling me a bloody HER!” “Why Bacon???” “Well I had some this morning and I quite liked it…” Ron explained, as if this made complete sense. Harry shook his furry little head. Hermione shook her head. “What? It’s not like I named her ‘Crookshanks’ or something.” Ron insisted indignantly. Hermione glared. “Okay…Well here, Crookshanks. Have a look at him.” She held Crookshanks closer to Ron. “Why!?” Ron backed away with Harry. “Don’t you remember third year? Crookshanks will tell us if there’s anything wrong with her.” “But what if he eats her!” “Then he was evil!” “Whaat?” Harry stiffened. He appreciated Hermione’s insistence on calling him a “he”, but he really wished Hermione wouldn’t do this. “Whaaat!?” Ron stared at her incredulously. “And what if Crookshanks is just hungry!?” “He doesn’t eat rats.” Hermione said firmly. “How do you know?” “Because he’s my cat!” “Hermione!” Before he could stop her, she lowered Crookshanks to Harry’s level. His tiny black eyes looked into Crookshanks golden ones. They stared at each other for a long moment and Harry began to wonder why he wasn’t currently in Crookshanks’ stomach being digested. “Hi Harry!” Harry blinked. “Crookshanks?” “Yeah! Hi!” “What the hell?” Hermione took Crookshanks away and set him down on the floor. She nodded thoughtfully. “Looks like Bacon’s clean.” Ron was still clutching Harry tightly. “Merlin, Hermione, I swear Crookshanks almost ate her! Did you see that look in his eyes?! Look! Poor Bacon’s in shock!!” Harry was still stunned at having almost had a conversation with Hermione’s cat. “Well, I’ll see you around Harry. I have a spider upstairs I was playing with.” He bounded up the Girls Stairs in a blurry orange streak. Harry couldn’t stop blinking. “You exaggerate too much, Ron. Crookshanks barely moved!” “Just you wait. You’ll see. He’ll end up eating one of my pets again.” “He didn’t eat Scabbers!!” “Not for lack of trying!” “Scabbers was evil!” “That’s not the point!” Hermione groaned and threw her hands up in the air. “Fine! Fine, whatever! Watch over Beefsteak like a hawk. At least now your brain will finally be having some usage.” She collapsed heavily on the sofa, with her arms crossed. “His name is BACON.” Harry took a moment to take all this in. Nope, impossible. He would never be able to fully comprehend how screwed up this situation actually was. All he did know was, when some old wizard historians put him in a history book someday, he hoped that they would leave this part of his life out. After a fun-filled dinner (which consisted of ogling Gryffindor girls cramming delicacies down his throat and cooing ‘such a cuuuuutie!’ at him) Harry found himself sitting on a blank piece of parchment beside Ron and Hermione. Hermione was, as always, doing her homework. Ron, on the other hand… “Come on, Bacon! You can do it. Stand on your hind legs. C’mon, do it for daddy.” It was a shame no one could see Harry’s severe eye roll. “I don’t think he likes that much.” Hermione commented, looking up for a moment from her essay to give Ron a similar severe eye roll. “She.” Ron corrected. “Damn it, Ron!” Harry desperately wanted his human body back so that he could give Ron a good kick in the - Ron grabbed Harry gently by the front paws and swayed them in a wave motion. “Atta girl, Bacon! Wave your hands in the air! Wave them like you just don’t care!” “Ron, you are in dire need of a hobby.” “Ron, you are in dire need of a hobby.” Hermione snipped, dipping her quill in ink. Harry was this close to kissing Hermione. Thank God, at least she saw how irritating Ron was being. And at least SHE acknowledged him as a GUY. Unfortunately he didn’t think Hermione would fancy a peck on the cheek from a little brown rat. He just looked up at her in appreciation. And was disappointed to find an amused smile on her face. “Et tu, Hermione?” Harry’s eyes traveled to the ink pot by Hermione’s hand. Eureka! That was it! When Ron finally gave the absurd dance of stupid a rest, he scrabbled across the sheets of parchment towards Hermione’s inkwell. He had a message to write. Carefully, so as not to fall in, Harry dipped his little paws into the deep black ink. “Ron, you’re rat is trying to drown itself. You drove the poor thing to suicide.” Hermione plucked Harry’s soft body away from the ink. “No! Unhand me!” Hermione placed Harry down on the table. Harry really did not want to write on the table surface, but at this point he had no choice. He’d worry about detention for defacing school property later. He raised his paws and began writing. I AM – “Whatcha doing there, Bacon?” Ron carelessly picked Harry up, causing his tail to smudge the three letters he had written. “NO!” “Hermione, look!” Ron pointed at the now illegible ink spot. Hermione looked and frowned. “Your rat just ruined this table!” “She did not! It’s art!” Ron declared. “Hey, Dean! Dean!” Gryffindor’s best artist made his way over. “That’s a pretty slick rat you got there, Ron!” “Look what she drew on the table!” “I didn’t bloody draw a damn thing – “ “Blimey!” Dean exclaimed upon further inspection. “I reckon it looks a bit like a star!” Ron took a moment to marvel at the genius of his rat. Harry inwardly barfed. Soon the entire Gryffindor Tower had gathered around to ogle at the beautiful masterpiece now titled “Bacon’s Star”. “That’s ruddy brilliant!” “A rat drew that?” “It must be a magic rat!” “It’s so adorable!” “Can I pet him?” “It’s a her.” While Ron was holding in a proud yet ever-so-breath-impeding grasp, Hermione seemed relatively quiet. She looked at the little smudge of writing deep in thought, then at Harry, then back again. She seemed to be working something out in that amazing brain of hers. “Come on, Hermione. You’re the smart one. You see I was writing something. Say it! Say it!” “Ron…I don’t think that’s a star…” “YES! YES!!! I LOVE YOU HERMIONE!” “I’m pretty sure it’s just an accidental smudge.” Now Harry wanted to drown himself. “It is not!” Ron cried defiantly. “It’s obviously a star!” “Why do you always have to be so cynical, Hermione?” Lavender scolded, then resumed her cooing noises over Harry. Hermione pressed her lips into a skeptical line, but said nothing more. ~*~ Harry spent that night on Ron’s pillow, forced to withstand Ron’s powerful and vastly unpleasant snore-breath. Every time he tried to move it was like he set off some alarm that only Ron could hear, so that he would grab Harry by his disgustingly cute middle and pull him back. “Stay right here, Bacon. We don’t want you getting lost.” “Ron, if Scabbers weren’t already evil, he would have learned to be.” Harry mumbled, resisting the urge to bite him on the nose. Ron snored at him. A few minutes later, after several tosses and turns by Ron that sent Harry tumbling off the pillow onto the floor, Harry decided there was no way he was going to sleep that night. He scampered towards his own bed, which of course was empty. And almost got squashed to death by an invisible foot. “Sorry, Bacon.” A soft voice whispered. Whoever it was stood directly over Harry, so that he could look up underneath the Invisibility Cloak. And, to Harry’s embarrassment, the person’s nightgown. Hermione bent over and scooped him up in one hand. Harry’s mind was swirling at the sight of Hermione’s – Harry slapped himself with his paw. Don’t think like that. “You’re a strange little rat, aren’t you?” Hermione whispered. Harry noticed she wasn’t cooing or going all lovey-dovey over him like all the other girls (and some boys) did. Intriguing. “Come on, let’s go wake Ron. We’re going to go visit Harry.” Harry’s heart soared. This was it! Now they would see that Harry was missing and eventually he’d get them to realize he was a rat and THEN he would be free! Harry practically leaped from Hermione’s arm to wake Ron up. “Psst, Ron!” Hermione removed the invisibility Cloak, to reveal her head. Unfortunately this was a bad idea. “Wha – AHHHH!” Ron saw Hermione’s floating head and launched sideways off his bed. Everyone in the room jolted up. “What-what-what is someone trying to knife you in your sleep again, Ron?” Seamus yawned, referring to a third year incident. Thankfully, Hermione had swung the cloak back over her head. It wouldn’t do for the entire school to know he had a bloody Invisibility Cloak. Ron just stared breathlessly at the space where he had seen Hermione’s head. Harry looked up from Hermione’s palm and saw that Hermione had her eyes squeezed shut. “N-no. I’m fine. Go back to sleep.” The boys didn’t need to be told twice. Within a few seconds snores filled the room again. Hermione took off the cloak. “Sorry.” she apologized sheepishly as she handed Harry back to Ron. Ron glared. “Give a man a bloody heart attack, why don’t you.” He fumed. Then he climbed back into bed as if nothing had happened and Hermione really wasn’t standing there in an invisibility cloak. Harry grew impatient and scrabbled at his face. “Ow! Bacon! What are you doing?” “Waking you the hell up, obviously!” “Ron, I want to go see Harry.” Hermione whispered urgently. “Why?” “Because we haven’t seen him since class!” “You heard Madame Pomfrey. We’re not allowed to.” Ron half-snored dismissively. “That’s why I’ve got his Invisibility Cloak, you prat. Come on!” Ron groaned softly. “Nice to know you care so much, mate.” Harry said dryly. “Ron!” “All right!” Ron heaved himself out of bed and stuck his feet into his slippers. “All right, let’s go.” They made their way to the door under the invisibility cloak. “Hey! Wait for ME!” Harry skittered after them on the hardwood floor. “Bacon wants to come too! How awesome is this rat?” Ron gushed, picking him up. Hermione rolled her eyes. “I know, right?” Harry borrowed her eye-roll. Hermione was much cooler than he thought. ~*~ Moments later they stood at the door to the infirmary. “Open the door.” Hermione whispered. “You open it!” Ron whispered back. “You’re closer.” “Ladies first.” “Good lord, you two.” Harry groaned. Hermione huffed and turned the door knob. Before them were a dozen beds, each with a grimacing student on it, curled in a ball. They all seemed to be asleep. “Where’s Harry?” Ron wondered. Hermione gave him a “How am I supposed to know?” face. Harry tried to make the same face, but of course failed due to the pointed nose and fur. He sympathized with Hermione, he really did. Quietly, they searched each bed, looking for the familiar shock of black hair and the tell-tale scar. “Oh, disgusting.” Ron hissed. “What?” “Crabbe drools.” Harry had to agree. The sight of Crabbe’s thick saliva trailing down his cheek and soaking into his pillowcase was enough to make his little rat stomach turn. “Ron?” He looked up from inspecting the intriguing viscosity of Crabbe’s spittle and saw Hermione, leaving against a wall as if she might faint. “What?” “Harry isn’t here.”