Count the Days

harryhermioneluver101

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 29/12/2004
Last Updated: 29/12/2004
Status: completed

Her Harry had been gone for a year now, but Hermione Granger didn't know how to accept it. one-shot fic

Chapters

1. untitled

1. untitled

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing for Portkey. Any reviews are greatly appreciated, and please try and bear with my convention mistakes! I was the only person available to review this. Enjoy!

Count the Days

'What do I do now,' Hermione Granger thought desperately as she looked out the window into the night sky. In her mind, there was nothing left to live for. She couldn't believe it. Her Harry. He'd been gone for a year now.

"By now I should be able to move on. I'm just being pathetic," she whispered into the silence, but she knew she would never move on. Not entirely. She knew that when he died a part of her died with him. She just didn't want to accept it.

"An entire year...." she mumbled, taking it in. Hermione could hardly remember most of that time. Maybe because there was nothing to remember. She felt like her life had fallen into this robotic cycle- wake up, go through the day, and then sleep. It was during the night that she hurt the most.

He used to hold her at night, looking at the starry sky. She would be so contented, just sitting there in his arms. He'd tell her all about the stars, stroking her cheek and cradling her head into his chest. They would stay for hours at a time, even in the cold. She never got chilly, though. He'd always keep her warm.

'I'm never going to feel his arms around me. I'll never feel his breath on my neck or his lips on mine. I'm never again going to see that goofy half grin of his or that glint in his eyes when he was excited.' Ahh, those eyes. Those deep, emerald green eyes were amazing. They seemed to go on forever. She had never tired of looking into them. What she would give to see those eyes again.

"Give it up ," she whispered. "He's gone. He's been gone for a year now and you need to accept it." But as she spoke the words they seemed to squeeze her heart even more, if that was possible. Although she was pretty sure there was nothing left to squeeze.

She hated the way he died even more than the fact that he was gone. Voldemort died just as that prophecy said one of them would. But soon after, Harry was gone too. He died just as his parents had died. Her Harry deserved better than that, she had thought desperately so many times since that dreadful day. Looking back on it after all this time, it still seemed so unfair......

***

"Hermione!" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs. "He's coming! Get back as far as you can!"

"Harry, no!" she had protested. "I want to fight!"

"'Mione, we've been over this. You can't fight him. Only I can do that."

"Oh Harry," she sobbed as she went to his side. He pulled her against himself for a brief moment and she felt the gentle brush of his lips on her forehead. "Now you don't go getting yourself killed!" she said as a futile attempt at a joke, but her voice faltered as she realized what was about to happen.

"Hermione, we've talked about this, you know that anything can happen," he said, but after seeing the pleading look in her eyes added, "I'll do my best."

"Now go!" he yelled as he saw the signal from Ron. Voldemort was coming over the hills to meet them.

"I love you! Come back to me!" she yelled as she moved to the back of the crowd. She saw him mouth the same three words back at her as she proceeded into the mass of people. Hermione glimpsed Ron go to stand by his side. She felt a sudden pang of jealousy. She had wanted to be there with the two of them, to fight alongside her two best friends in the world, her boys. But she knew Harry would never allow it. Neither would Ron, for that matter.

***

She felt her heart start to break once again as she relived those final last words, Come back to me. At the time she hadn't known for sure that those would be her last words to him, but given what she knew now there was so much more she wished she would have said. But that wasn't the end of her memories of that day.

***

She was standing so far back from the action that the people in the front were nothing but small blurs. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, she heard the cheers. They started at the front and moved to the back with rapid procession. Soon they filled the entire valley. 'They've won then! Harry's won! It's over!' Hermione thought as she felt her heart fill with pride and joy and love and countless other emotions that her mind didn't have time to identify. She waited for him to come to her, to wrap his arms around her and spin her in a circle as he had done countless times before.

But he never came.

After several minutes she started to wonder. She made her way through the already departing crowd to the front battle line.

Then Hermione saw him. Her heart started to pound when she saw that he wasn't out yet. He was standing, barely fifty yards from her, battling with Bellatrix Lestrange.

"I killed your pathetic godfather so many years ago, Potter, and now I'll have the added satisfaction of killing you! The Dark Lord will be avenged!" she cried shrilly into the cold night.

Then it happened. Harry started to raise his wand to shoot a spell at her, but she was quicker.

Those two terrible words would be forever embedded into Hermione's ears. "Avada Kedavra!" Bellatrix screamed at the top of her lungs. A green light exploded from the end of her wand and struck Harry right in the chest. As he fell, she heard Bellatrix say, "Remember Potter, you’ve got to say it like you mean it!" before Disapparating.

There Hermione had stood, unseen by both of them, as her life had fell to the ground and shattered.

***

She remembered running to him, taking his limp body in her arms and shaking him, screaming. She remembered Ron, good old Ron, coming and comforting her and pulling her away from the body. She briefly recalled the memorial service, and her parents trying to help her, but other than that the following months were a blur of crying and pain. But no matter what, that last day played again and again in her head.

Hermione turned over lightly in her bed and tried to get comfortable. She imagined his warm arms around her waist, his body snug against hers. For a moment she was content, but then the illusion went away as it always did and she felt that horrible wrenching pain in her chest that she had become so accustomed to. She felt a single, cold tear fall down her cheek and her whole body began to shake. Hermione wished she could just go, die, be with her Harry. She had wished this same thing countless times before, but could never bring herself to do anything. She knew that he would want better than that for her, that he would want her to live a full and happy life no matter what, with or without him. Until then, she would have to count the days until she would be able to see those green eyes glimmer, feel his warm embrace, and be whole again.

"'I'll count the days my Harry," she whispered, "And I'll try my best to live those days full and happy for you. To honor your memory." She thought about all the times she had made similar promises to herself, to him, but something about this one seemed different. This time it seemed right.

The next morning Hermione woke to the bright April sun shining on her face. She slowly got up out of bed and walked to the window. She drew in a small gasp at what she saw. The front lawn was full of beautiful flowers of every color, the first spring bloom. But that wasn't what surprised her; right in the center of the flower bed was one taller than the rest, and it was the most beautiful shade of emerald green she'd ever seen. That was her first thought, anyway. Then she realized she had only seen that color so bright one other place, and her whole body warmed. "Harry." she whispered, realization dawning on her. It was his way of giving her his blessing.

And there in her bedroom, for the first time in a year, The-Girl-Who-Loved-The-Boy-Who-Lived smiled a true, genuine, happy smile. She was smiling for many things- for the spring bloom, for the shining sun, for the wonderful warmth that had encircled her- but most of all she was smiling for her Harry, and for a future that looked bright.

"Goodbye, Harry." she said for the first time, letting it sink in. "Goodbye, my love." And with that she proceeded to run down stairs, still in her pajamas, and jump and dance around the lawn, letting the sunlight and smell of flowers envelope her.

A/N: I know it ends a bit weird, but I wrote the ending a different day and I didn't want it to be quite so depressing. I think it works, but let me know what you think!