Four Little Words

Suns Golden Ray

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 03/01/2005
Last Updated: 05/01/2005
Status: completed

James has decided to take the next step in their relationship. However, saying "Will You Marry Me" is much harder than originally thought. Can his mates and the entire Auror division help him propose before he really botches it up...or anyone else dies. (Third Book in the LJ Series)

Chapters

1. When the World Ends

2. Things I'll Never Say

3. The Greatest Love of All

4. My Stupid Mouth

5. Scarlet Tide

6. Favorite Book of Poetry

7. Friends in Low Places

8. Stay

9. Love You Out Loud

10. Sweet Transvestite

11. Love Boat

12. I Want to Tell You

13. Burn

14. What I Really Meant to Say

15. Can't Help Falling in Love

16. Broken

17. Try

18. The Sign

19. The Ghost of You and Me

20. Sweet Surrender

21. Chocolate

22. Tourniquet

23. Through With You

24. White Flag

25. Punishment

26. Worst Day Since Yesterday

27. I Spy

28. Edge of the Earth

29. Call Me, Call Me

30. Without You

31. Come What May

1. When the World Ends

"Amidst the burning, we'll be churning
You know, love will be our wings
The passion rises up from the ashes
When the world ends."
-When The World Ends, Dave Matthews Band
Chapter One

"Crucio."

The house was in a panic. Dark wizards in cloaks surrounded the house, torturing as they saw fit. There were half-drunken punch goblets scattered around tables, and decorations for a birthday party of sorts for a �Miller Dougland,' a very sociable member of the Department of Transportation. Said "Miller Dougland" was lying dead on his punch-stained rug next to several dropped goblets.

It was his fifty-third birthday, and he was having a riotous time with his friends from work, near sixty or seventy of them, when the Death Eaters began appearing. He was the first to go, after three Death Eaters tired of toying with him. Then his friends, who were too scared to Apparate away, were next.

So it went on.

Of course, they tired quickly of their games and finished every last one who remained off. Then they were gone.

Over an hour later, the Aurors arrived. The door opened with an eerie squeak and the shadow walked into the room.

"Oh man...not again," Sirius sighed to himself. It had been a long time since there had been this many at one place. He felt the familiar squirming of his stomach as he walked into the house of death.

"Merlin," came the next Auror, Remus. He was looking pale, but the full moon was long past and was long to come. He quickly followed Sirius trying not to look too closely at the bodies of people he saw every day.

"James..." came one of the final two. They walked inside, hand in hand, looking around.

"This is sick," came the aforementioned James. "Bloody sick."

"Come on, let's go alert Moody that everything's clear," Sirius muttered, after looking around the house. "No more Death Eaters."

"Clear, yeah," James shook his head.

It had been nine months since they had left Hogwarts, and the world had turned for the worse as You-Know-Who had become the whispered fear on everyone's lips. Scenes like this had become more and more prevalent so the Minister of Magic had made the executive decision to speed up the training of Aurors to two years instead of three, therefore, they had finished only three months before. Fully trained Aurors, they had been called out the night that they had received their licenses.

And it had been random and near non-stop. Every week was a new place, new victims, no closer to stopping it. Most of the time, they had come across scenes like this. All dead, none surviving, no witnesses. The Dark Mark above the house was enough to know what had happened.

This would mean more paperwork to file, a press release to be drawn up and given to the Daily Prophet, corpses to be identified, drinks to take, feelings to sort through, it was all standard procedure now.

"Moody," James said, walking by Moody's office. "Lily and I are off."

"See you tomorrow then?" Moody grunted. James sighed and picked at the doorframe. Standard procedure was to give Aurors the week off after they were in a life-threatening situation. Standard procedure was out the window these days; the most they got was 18 hours before they had to return to work.

"Yeah...tomorrow," he nodded. He padded down, tiredly, to the bundle of offices that were his, Sirius', Remus', and Lily's. Sirius was staring out his window, Remus was drinking tea which James suspected had some whiskey in it...yes, he could see the bottle cap on top of the stack of papers, Lily was packing up, and looked up when she saw him.

"Ready?" he asked, holding out his arm. She nodded and walked to him, lugging her giant bag of papers. "Want me to carry that?" he asked.

"No...I'm...I'm fine," she nodded, shouldering them. And the next morning, she would be fine, they all would. It only took a good night's sleep to half-forget the sights they had witness, or to file them in with the countless other faces that they had seen.

Miller Douglas was half-Muggle, half-wizard, and most of the people at the party had been that too. It used to matter who was killed. Now, no one was safe, save the Death Eaters themselves, and even then they might not be so safe.

Appearing in the living room of their small flat, James waved his wand at the stove to start a pot of tea. Lily leaned up and kissed him, smiling tiredly and sadly.

"I'm going to go take a shower. Want to join me?"

"No thanks, Baby," he smiled. "Want me to make some dinner?"

"Don't we still have that Chinese?" Lily asked.

"I threw it out. We ordered it two weeks ago."

"Oh...do we have anything in there?" she asked, looking towards their refrigerator. He walked over to check and sighed.

"No...a few firewhiskeys and some butter."

She fell back on the couch. "Is that all?"

"Sorry love."

"Does Sirius have any food?" she wondered.

As if he had been summoned, Sirius popped into their living room and walked over to the kitchen.

"Prongs, you got any...oh..." he frowned when he saw the kitchen. James looked in all the cabinets too.

"How is it we get paid so much money and yet we never have any food?" he muttered, finding naught but a few scattered plates and cups and a box of old crackers.

"No time to shop, I guess," Sirius sighed. "Dinner at Wormtails, then?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Lily chided them. "It's past midnight, and I'm sure he has to work in the morning."

"He won't mind. We'll leave him a few Galleons," Sirius shrugged. James trotted over to her and gave her a kiss.

Peter, it seemed, was the only one who lead a normal life. Since leaving school he was a regular manager at Gringotts, and was pulling in enough to get by, and had enough time to go to the grocery store.

"I'll bring you back something. Don't forget about the tea," James smiled. He and Sirius Apparated to Peter's house, leaving Lily to tend to the tea before she took a shower.

***

"Mm...a whole chicken-"

"No! Padfoot! Nothing that looks like it took a long time to make," James grunted, slapping Sirius' itching hand.

"It's been so long since I've had chicken-"

"So go out and buy your own."

"News flash, Prongs, my shift usually ends after all the nice chicken-baking shops are closed."

"How about some cold cuts?"

"I don't eat cold cuts, Prongs."

"What are you two doing?" came the sleepy voice of the owner of the food that Sirius and James were pilfering through.

"Ah, morning Wormtail!" Sirius exclaimed brightly. "Just...grabbing a bite to eat, is all."

Peter yawned and trudged over to them, his house robe open to show his pajamas underneath. "Well do it quieter, some of us have to sl-sl-sleep," he yawned again.

"Busy day with those goblins, eh?" Sirius nudged him. Peter nodded but didn't look at him.

"Your day fairing well?"

"Horrible," James muttered, trying to open a jar of pickles rather unsuccessfully. "We-eerg- came-aaargh!-to-mmmph-late-bloody hell-"

Sirius rolled his eyes, grabbing the pickle jar from James and opening it without much difficulty. James glared at him.

"Show off."

"All dead then?" Peter asked, watching James fish out a pickle.

"Yeah, shame too, old Miller was a hoot to have lunch with," Sirius rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

Suddenly, there was another pop and Remus appeared, looking quite sheepish.

"Hey Moony, what's up?" Peter asked.

"Oh...well I stopped by your flat James, and Lily said you were over here. Um...could I maybe have something to eat? I'll pay you, of course, but-"

"Hey, Moony, don't worry about it," Sirius waved his hand. "No need to look so nervous about it. Wormtail's glad to supply us with food that we have no time to get! Prongs, Lily-love, and I would starve if it wasn't for him!"

Peter didn't look like he was going to contradict Sirius' statement, as he was beaming. Remus nodded and approached their little group. James held out a pickle for him.

"Picwle?" he asked, one hanging out of his mouth.

"Do you want me to make you something?" Peter asked, suddenly in a host-like mood. "Anything at all?"

"Lily's at home," James nodded, running his hand through his hair. "Something quick, as she's looking pretty tired."

"Aw, Prongsie-wongsie needs to get back to his wittle misses."

"She is not my little misses, Padfoot," James shifted uncomfortably. "She's not even my wife."

"Yet," Remus muttered.

"Soup sounds good if you've got any," James ignored him. "I can just whip it up at home."

Looking crestfallen, Peter sorted through his cabinet until he found a can of soup that James could have.

"Here you go," Peter nodded. He looked to the other two, hopeful and ready to please."What can I get you two?"

"See you guys tomorrow," James nodded, Apparating back to his own apartment.

***

"Thanks, Baby," Lily smiled, putting her empty bowl of soup on the bedside table. James came out of the bathroom, clad only in his Snitch boxers, with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

"Pete's a wifesavah, I don't know wha we do wifou him," James said.

"Can't understand you," Lily said, crawling deeper under the covers. James spat into the sink and came back.

"I said, Pete's a lifesaver. I don't know what we'd do without him."

"This is getting ridiculous..." Lily sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Seven days a week is just too much."

"You know we're short on personnel as it is," James said, turning off the bathroom light and climbing into bed beside her.

"At least we didn't lose anyone tonight," Lily sighed. "Have you talked with Dumbledore lately?"

"I dropped in the other day," James said, putting his hands behind his head. "He's thinking about something, I can tell. But I just don't know what it is."

"Hm," she said, turning over and putting her head on his chest.

"What are you thinking about?" James asked, reaching down in the dark to take her hand.

"You," Lily smiled.

"What about me?"

"How much I love you," she sighed.

"What a coincidence," he chuckled. "I'm thinking the same thing."

"Great minds, hm?" Lily said, leaning up to kiss him. "Mm...minty fresh."

"You still taste like soup," James informed her. In the dark, she glared at him and left the bed, turning on the bright bathroom light, blinding him. "Gah!" he cried.

Lily stood in the light, brushing her teeth with feeling and looking at him, though he couldn't make out her face.

"Baby, I was just kidding," James whined. "Come back!"

"Nuh-uh, you want me to have minty fresh breath, then that's what I'm going to have," she told him as she spit out the toothpaste. Then she went for the mouthwash and gurgled for a bit.

"Ba-by..." he whined, rolling over on his back.

She continued to gurgle and then she spit out. James grinned and waited, and then frowned when Lily decided to gurgle again. She turned around, bathed in the light and washed the mouthwash around in her mouth, a smirk on her face.

"You're so mean," James sighed. She turned around and spit out the mouthwash, picking up the towel. She daintily tapped it at the corners of her mouth, making sure to get each drop that may have landed on it.

"Finally," James grinned when she put the towel down. He let out a string of sputters when she opened up the cabinet, intent on moisturizing her face.

"I don't think so," James grunted, rolling out of bed and marching to the bathroom. He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, walking back to the bed, despite her giggles of protest. Putting her down none-too-softly, he joined her soon after, picking up his wand and shutting off the lights in the bathroom.

2. Things I'll Never Say

"What's wrong with my tongue?
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothing to say
I'm feeling nervous, trying to be so perfect
Because I know you're worth it."
-Things I'll Never Say, Avril Lavinge

Chapter Two

"Morning, Prongs," Sirius nodded, sitting at James and Lily's kitchen table, doing the Daily Prophet crossword puzzle. He had a great deal of it done.

"Why are you reading that in our flat?" James asked, scratching his bare chest sleepily.

Sirius shrugged. "I had hoped I'd get some company," he said, sipping a cup of coffee.

James blinked at him. "Did you make coffee too?"

"Naw, I went over to Wormtail's and he was making a pot, so I took the rest of it." He motions to the pot in front of him. "He told me I have to return the pot though, as the last time I stole it, I didn't return it for three weeks."

"When were you over there?" James asked, sliding into the seat across from Sirius.

"About four hours ago," Sirius looked down at his puzzle. "I need a seven letter word for �Gnome.'"

He groaned. "Padfoot, you know I'm bloody horrible at those things," James shook his head. "Ugly?"

"Ugly would be four letters, Prongs," Sirius pondered deeply, rubbing the dark circles under his eyes.

"Didn't you sleep last night?" James asked. Sirius shook his head.

"No, wasn't tired, really," he continued to think. "Stupid? No, that's six letters."

Lily shuffled out of the bedroom, her dressing robe open to reveal a very scanty nightie. She rounded the corner to the kitchen and jumped, quickly covering herself up, but not before Sirius got a nice glance at her.

"Uh-oh, sexy Lily," he smirked lewdly. "Somebody got some-"

"Can it," James glared at him, sitting down on the other side of Sirius.

"What are you doing here?" Lily asked, sitting down on James' lap, sleepily.

"Working on this damn Prophet puzzle and drinking coffee," he said, offering her the pot. "And see, I brought some for you too!"

"Where did you get the coffee?" Lily asked him.

"Wormy," he winked at her.

"You two are horrible, going over and taking his food," she chided them.

"Would you rather starve?" James asked, putting his chin on her shoulder.

"Lily, I need a seven letter word for �Gnome,' that has an �l' in it," Sirius said, biting on the quill.

"Problem?" Lily yawned. Sirius looked up at her and filled in the squares.

"Lily! You're a genius!" he cheered. "Now, I need a six letter word for �What happens when you meet a troll in a hallway.'"

Lily turned to James and began playing with the top of his bare chest. "Since you two aren't doing anything at the moment, how about you go and get us some food?"

"Why don't you go get some food if you're so upset about it?" Sirius snorted, looking at the blank squares pointedly.

"Because," Lily turned to James and bared a bit of her nightie. "James doesn't want to make me upset, does he? Else no more back massages..."

"Come along, Padfoot, we're off to the grocery store!" James grinned.

"Good choice," Lily ran a finger down his chest and chuckled.

"Five letter word for weak male," Sirius said, loudly, acting as if he was doing the crossword. "Has two �s's in it..."

"What do you want me to cook tonight, hm?" Lily said, ignoring Sirius. "A chicken? We haven't had one of those in a while."

Sirius dropped his quill and his ears perked up. "Chicken? Can I have some?"

"If you stop making fun of James, perhaps," Lily said, over her shoulder. "And if you go buy me one, and get some more food while you're at it."

"Come along, Prongs, we're off to the grocery store!" Sirius jumped up. Lily got off of James' lap to let him get up and go get dressed.

"Make sure you two don't buy a whole bunch of junk, too," Lily warned them.

"Junk, puh. We don't get junk," Sirius huffed indignantly.

***

"Marshmallows?" James asked, holding up a bag.

"Yup."

"Sprinkles?"

"Yup."

"Whipped cream?"

"..." Sirius stared at him and then a grin came to his face. "One for your house, one for mine."

"Nice," James grinned, throwing two cans of whipped cream into the shopping cart. "Oh, yeah, Lily said she wanted a chicken-"

"Prongs, lemme ask you something. How good are her back massages? Good enough to do whatever she wants you to do?"

James gave him a meaningful look. "Yeah, they're that good. Pity I'm the only one who gets to find out about them, as they usually lead straight to mind-boggling shags."

Sirius snorted. "You are so whipped."

"Am not!" James huffed indignantly.

"Jaaaaaames!" Sirius mocked Lily's higher voice. "James, I'm hoooooooot. Go turn on the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaan."

"Shut up!" James blushed. "Talk to me when you get a girl like Lily."

"Difference between my girls and your girls is that my girls don't hang around for long," Sirius said.

"Really? And how long have you been shagging Dorcas?" James nudged him in the stomach.

"Dorcas happens to be a very good shagmate," Sirius picked up a bottle of chocolate and tossed it into the shopping cart. "�s not as if I'm going to marry her or anything." He threw a snide look at James. "Course, neither are you, at the current rate of your relationship-"

"Actually," James grinned and pulled out a small box. Sirius blinked at him and then scowled.

"You bloody bastard! I thought you were going to bring me when you went shopping for one!" He stared at James jealously.

"I was, honestly, but I was out walking yesterday and I saw this and...It spoke to me, Padfoot," James gently opened the box and looked at the sparkling diamond ring inside. "It said �Buy me James! Buy me!' and I just couldn't resist." Sirius �ooh'ed and peered down at it.

"How much?"

"More than the necklace."

"Aren't you still paying that one off?"

"Uh-huh."

"Yikes."

"Yeah."

"How ya gonna do it?" Sirius asked, when James pocketed the ring again. "And when?"

"Tonight, most likely," James grinned. "I wanted to wait until I showed you the ring, �cause I knew you'd blow a gasket if I proposed without you knowing."

"What are you going to do?" Sirius asked, grinning.

"Well, I'm thinking that after dinner tonight, I'll ask her to go on a walk with me," James said.

"We've got to work tonight," Sirius reminded him.

"Yes, well, not until 8. And how long is it going to take to say four words, huh?"

His friend shook his head. "You'd be surprised."

"So we're going to be walking right," James grabbed Sirius' arm as if he were Lily. "And sometime along the way, I'll hand her a flower or something pretty."

He reached up and gave Sirius a canister of tapioca pudding, as if it were the flower. Sirius cooed, and in a high voice, said, "Oh James! You're so thoughtful!" He gripped James' arm tighter and grinned lovingly.

James gave him a sideways look, and then continued. "Then I'm going to say something about the stars and her eyes, something really corny and sappy."

"Say, �the shining stars are nothing compared to the shining in your eyes,'" Sirius grinned.

"The...what?" James said, turning to look at him. They were still arm-in-arm.

"The shining stars....are nothing....compared to the shining...in your eyes," he repeated.

"The shining stars are nothing compared to the shining in your eyes," James repeated. Sirius let out a high-pitched coo and rubbed his head against James' shoulder.

"Oh James, you've such a way with words!" Sirius cried. Neither of them noticed the old lady coming into the aisle behind them.

"Then, I'm going to stop and take her hands, like so," he reached down and grabbed Sirius' hands. "And look up into her eyes, and say-" Sirius reached over and handed him a can of beans. "Thank you, Padfoot," he cleared his throat and dropped on one knee sappily. "Will you marry me?" He proffered the beans.

"Oh James!" Sirius squealed, taking the can of beans and holding it close to him.

"Ahem..."

James, on his knee and holding a can of beans up to Sirius, and Sirius, squealing like a girl and holding a jar of tapioca pudding in one hand and beans in the other, both turned to look at the old woman, a little boy, and one of the store workers staring at them oddly.

James stood up and cleared his throat. Sirius was too busy hugging his can of beans to notice the change in atmosphere.

"James! Yes! I'll marry-" He turned to see the group of people and his face dropped. The store worker raised his eyebrow and opened his mouth to say something, but James drug Sirius out of their eyesight into the next aisle.

***

"Dinner was delicious," Sirius said, patting his stomach.

"I should say so," James glared at him, taking a sip of wine.

"Look, if you wanted the legs, you should have said something."

"You ate both the legs, a wing, and half of the breast, Padfoot," James growled. "In case you didn't know the chicken's anatomy, the only thing left was one wing and the other half of the breast. Not only that, but you ate half of the potatoes, three quarters of the salad, and drank half the bottle of wine."

"I'm a hungry boy," Sirius grinned at James over his glass of wine. He stood up and stretched. "Well, I'd best get ready for work. James, are you going to be making any beans later?" he asked, giving James a very poignant look.

"I daresay you've had enough to eat," Lily chuckled, beginning to clean up.

"Beans?" James asked, confused. When Lily had her back turned, Sirius pointed to his left ring finger, and James nodded, coming to a realization.

"Something I'm missing?" Lily asked, turning to them from the kitchen.

"Nothing at all, Baby," James grinned. "Padfoot was just leaving, weren't you, Padfoot?"

"Yup, consider me gone," Sirius grinned and walked to the door on the living room wall that connected their two flats.

James took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen where Lily was making sure that the dishes cleaned themselves properly. He snuck up behind her and put his arms around her, surprising her. She gasped and a plate fell to the sink with a clatter.

"James!" Lily growled at him and she repaired the plate.

"Come out for a walk with me?" he asked, kissing her ear.

"James, we've got to go to work in a few minutes."

"We can go for a little fifteen minute walk," James whispered, pulling her away from the sink. They walked down the stairs and into the chilly night air and began their walk in the city where James grew up.

The sun had set, yet there were no stars or moon to light their way. James noticed this just as he was about to unleash his �stars shining' line that Sirius had told him to use. If there were no stars to "reference" by, he would not have the "spur of the moment" feeling that he was going for. Hence, his entire proposal preparation was mute.

He looked over to Lily and a goofy grin came to his face. This was Lily, his girlfriend. He hadn't had trouble talking to her in years. He told her his deepest secrets and his fears, and even was no stranger to talking dirty to her in their more heated moments.

Four little words, James, he told himself.

He opened his mouth.

And no sound came out. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth, ready to tell her....

Tell her what? He couldn't just spring into it, could he? He had to create the mood.

But how exactly was he going to create the mood? Certainly not by walking along with his mouth hanging open dumbly.

He supposed he could start by telling her that he loved her, something that was quite easy for him to do. He cleared his throat.

"I love you," he said, his voice small and odd-sounding. Lily looked up at him, a concerned smile on her face.

"I love you too, are you all right?"

"Yes..." the oddness in his voice wouldn't go away. Right, now that was out of the way. How come the mood wasn't there yet?

Sometimes, he decided, the best laid plans are made on a whim. After all, in his past dealings with Lily, doing things on a lam worked fifty percent of the time. So he took a great big breath and opened his mouth again...

...to no sound coming out. His brain was completely blank, other than the endless cycle of thoughts circulating in his head. He could think of nothing to fill the open hole of his mouth, and suddenly began to panic.

He was sure he looked quite goofy, walking along a Muggle street hand in hand with Lily, staring at her instead of what was in front of him, mouth open with no sound coming out.

He probably looked even more goofy when he ran head first into a light pole.

"Oh my! James!" Lily was over him in a second. "Honey, are you all right?"

"Ow..." James blinked, sitting up. He looked over to the bushes where he could see two dog eyes reflecting off of the lights. The dog snorted and shook his head disappearing in the bushes.

"I think we've had enough of walking tonight, do you feel well enough to Apparate?" Lily asked, fussing over him.

"Yeah, I do," James sighed, the weight of the ring in his pocket ever more pronounced. "Let's go find somewhere to Apparate then."

Lily helped him up and they walked to a dark alleyway where they could Apparate. James could see the black dog following them in the shadows, and he sighed. Sirius was going to give him hell for this.

3. The Greatest Love of All

"I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they posses inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be."
-The Greatest Love of All, Whitney Houston
Chapter Three

"You. Are a chicken-shit, Prongs, plain and simple," Sirius glowered at him. They had just returned from a mini-battle with three Death Eaters. Lily was still helping out at the safe house, and Sirius and James stopped back in at work to jot down some quick paperwork, but before they even got to sit down, Sirius had rounded on James. "It's not that hard. It's four tiny little words-"

"I know."

"Say them with me," Sirius leaned against James desk and played with a rubber band. "Will. You. Marry. Me. Easy, huh?"

"The clouds threw me off," James muttered, playing with his fingernails.

"Clouds?" Sirius stared at him incredulous. "What the bloody hell do clouds have to do with a marriage proposal."

"Well, you know you told me to do that whole �stars are your eyes-'"

"You aren't going to try to stand there and tell me that you couldn't think of something else to say..."

"Yeah," James blushed.

"Prongs....you're....bloody impossible!" Sirius sighed. "You're acting sixteen again!"

"In case you didn't know, I'm nineteen. Which is three years older than sixteen."

"Yes, Prongs, I did know, as I am currently the same age. But at sixteen, you couldn't be in the same room as Lily without making a complete arse out of yourself. You've been dating her for a year and a half, what is so different?"

"I dunno...it's... a big step?" James tried.

"You're chicken shit, is what you are. Chicken. Shit."

"Chicken shit," repeated a child's voice from the ground. James and Sirius looked down and blinked. A small red-head was staring up at them, curiously.

"The hell is that?" Sirius sputtered.

"It's a kid, Padfoot."

"Is it yours?"

James glared at Sirius. "Where'd you come from, kid?" James asked.

"Chicken shit," he repeated, giggling at James.

"Yes, we know he is," Sirius chuckled, amused. "But where did you come from?"

"Chicken shit."

"Great job, Padfoot," James glared at him. "Now you've ruined the kid."

Another small redhead skirted into the office and then turned down the hallway. "Uuuuuuncle! He's down heeeeere!"

One of the Prewett twins came into the office, looking quite put out. "James, thanks a lot-"

"Chicken shit," the kid peeped again.

"Ooh, Uncle...he said a bad word!"

"Hush Charlie," one of the twins said, holding his arms out for James to put the small child in them.

"These yours, Prewett?" Sirius asked as James hands him the kid. "

No...they're my sister's. She's pregnant, you know," he adjusted the smaller child on his hip. "Twins, it runs in the family, you know."

James cleared his throat. "Speaking of that, which one-"

"Fabian," he chuckled. Charlie seemed not to know either, as he seemed to file that away. "Anyway, she's having twins soon, so she asked me to watch a few of her kids today-"

"Don't they have enough?" Sirius asked, aghast. "That's like four kids!"

"Five," Fabian corrected. "There's Bill, Charlie, Percy, and then the twins on the way."

"Who'd want to have that many kids?" Sirius stared.

"They're aiming for a girl," Fabian shrugged. "Trying to break the curse, I guess. There hasn't been a girl born to her husband's family in generations."

"What a shame," James shook his head.

"Five children," Sirius was still aghast.

"Chicken shit!" the child chirped again.

"What have you been teaching him?" Fabian asked, blinking.

"Er...he walked in while I was badgering Prongs here," Sirius snorted. "He's being a wimp because he won't propose to Lily."

"Oh..." Fabian looked at him. "Do you think she'll say no or something?"

"No..." James muttered looking down. "Whenever you two decide to get married, you'll know exactly where I stand, all right?!"

"What's the problem, then?" Fabian asked. "You're obviously in love-"

"Yeah, but if we're married, it'll take a lot more trouble in case things go sour," James pointed out. "Like paperwork and stuff..."

Sirius stared at James. "If things go sour?"

"Yeah...if I find out that she's really not the one for me-" James picked the edge of his desk.

"The only thing out of your mouth since the first time you laid eyes on that girl was her," Sirius said, slowly. "And now, after all this bloody time, you're saying that you have any doubt that she's not the one for you?"

"I'm not saying I have doubts," James said. "I'm just saying that it's a big step to take..."

"Chicken shit!"

"You know, I'm starting to think the kid's right," Sirius snorted. "You've never shied away from anything in your life, Prongs. Least of all, Lily. So why getting cold feet now?"

"Making up for my gittiness?" James tried.

"I don't think so," Sirius shook his head. "I think you're just putting this off as long as you can. You-"

"Chicken shit!"

"Thanks kid," Sirius smirked.

"My, my, what an example to teach the future generations..."

Charlie looked up and ducked behind his uncle's legs. All three of the adults stiffened, and the mood took a turn for the worse. Even Percy seemed to notice the change, as he seemed to shrink into his uncle's shoulder.

Striding into James' office, as if he owned it himself, Rodolphus Lestrange peered around, inspecting the office.

"What are you doing slinking down here, Lestrange?" Sirius all-but-growled, folding his hands over his chest. Lestrange smiled a very slick smile, as if he knew something everyone else didn't. He pulled out a slip of paper.

"I have just donated a great deal of money to the Ministry, I am inspecting how my investments are being used," he walked into the office and picked up a few files laying on James' desk. James quickly snatched them out of his hand.

"Doesn't mean you get to spy for Voldemort, Lestrange," Fabian glared. Lestrange started a bit at the mention of the name, but straightened up.

"You'd be wise not to mention his name...in front of the children," he smirked, looking down at Charlie, who was white in the face. Fabian realized that he did, in fact, have the children still with him, so he was quiet as to not draw any fire towards them. "Besides, I have no idea what you're talking about."

This was a complete lie and all three of them knew it. But it was the way they handled the Death Eaters; they could not outwardly admit that they were in contact with known Death Eaters, else their own fortunes would be in jeopardy. So they played this game of thinly masked lies and ironic statements.

Before either of them could snatch it away from them, Lestrange picked up another folder and opened it.

"My, my, my," he tutted. "Another Mudblood family murdered. Such a shame, after a while, they'll be none left."

"Watch your mouth, Lestrange," James growled, clutching at his wand in his pocket.

"Oh yes, I forgot, you're rather attached to your mudblood little girlfriend, aren't you?" Lestrange smirked. "Better get a move on, though, Potter, with her being such a target and all, you never know when she'll snuff it next. Didn't you just loose three Aurors the other day-"

"How's Bellatrix?" Sirius changed the dynamic of the conversation before James threw aside his wand and beat Lestrange to a bloody pulp with his bare hands. "Still getting married, or has she left you for her boss?"

Lestrange colored and James and Sirius smirked. Though Bellatrix was still on the lam, It was whispered that she had lost her luster for Rodolphus, and was pining over the Dark Lord. Of course, this rumor had been circulating for some time, and it was widely thought that Bellatrix only was marrying Rodolphus for the position he held in pure-blood circles.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lestrange said, trying to compose himself. "I have not seen Bellatrix in months."

"Pity, I guess she did leave you then," Sirius snorted. "Clearly, power does make one more attractive-"

"Tell me, how's your brother Black, heard from him lately?" Lestrange asked.

Sirius visibly darkened. "No."

"Fortunately, he's making up for the mistakes his brother made. He's proving his parents proud, dropping out after this year to get a head start on his future career."

James watched Sirius closely. If he was touchy about Lily, Sirius was near explosive about his brother. He wasn't sure if he needed to intervene; if he took what Lestrange said, Regulus was joining the Death Eaters after he completed his sixth year at the end of June.

But to James' surprise, Sirius was calm and collected. He shrugged half-heartedly. "Fine, let him do what he wants. I'm sure that he'll fail, miserably, as he normally does."

James stared at Sirius, blankly. Lestrange also seemed to be miffed that he hadn't gotten a rise out of Sirius, because he lost his urge to taunt them some more. He threw the folder down on the desk and adjusted his robe.

"I've wasted enough time here," he said, straightening up. "I need to inspect the other offices."

"You'll walk straight ahead and out of this area of the Ministry, Lestrange," James ordered.

"And who's going to make me?"

James whipped out his wand and pointed it in Lestrange's face. "Go on, I'll be watching."

Lestrange snorted and swept out of the office. James made sure that he was completely gone from the hallway before he turned back into the office.

"Bloody berk. We should talk to the minister about restrictions," he snorted. "Donations or not, he's probably getting all the information he needs from his daily walks through our offices."

"You know that she can't do anything about it," Fabian shook his head, adjusting the small child on his side. "Else the donations from all the pure-blood families would stop. And then we wouldn't have any money to do anything with."

"Stupid pure-bloods and their vast fortunes," Sirius growled. "Well, they should be allowed a window of time or something, so that we can hide all of the good stuff so that they can't just spring up on us."

"Chicken shit!" The child in Fabian's arms chirped once more.

"Molly's going to murder me," Fabian sighed, grabbing the other child's hand and leading him down the hallway. They could hear him admonishing the little kid for cursing so much, but it didn't seem to be doing any difference.

"Padfoot?" James asked, cautiously. "Are you ok?"

"With what?" Sirius asked.

"Regulus...I mean..."

"Oh..." he shook his head. "I don't think he'll go through with it. He may act brave, but inside, he's just a little chicken shit like you."

"Hey..." James frowned.

"So, back to what we were talking about," Sirius poked James in the shoulder. "You and your problem."

"It's not a problem."

"The fact that you can't string together four simple words in front of your girlfriend, yeah I'd say it's a problem," Sirius raised his eyebrow.

"I can...when I'm ready."

"One day," Sirius sighed. "Lily isn't going to wait around for you."

James shook his head. "We've been out of school for less than 6 months, Padfoot. Not even two months out of training. I don't think she wants to get married right now."

"You've been dating for a year and a half," Sirius reminded him.

"So?" James didn't look at him.

"So now you're just making excuses. You have to cook those beans someday, James."

"What?" James asked.

"You know, the grocery store and the beans and the tapioca...." Sirius reminded him. "And that old lady with blue hair..."

"Oh yeah," James grimaced. "Why'd you have to remind me of that?"

"Because, James, you need to be reminded of that..."

"Well, now I have to figure out a way to do it. The romantic walk didn't go so hot-"

"I noticed," Sirius sniggered. He then snapped his fingers together. "I've got it!"

"What?"

"Your main problem is that you can't say the words, right?"

"Er...yeah..."

"So...follow me on this, ok, mate? How about you make this really fancy romantic dinner and stick the ring inside the dessert? Then she'll look at it, say yes, and that's that!" Sirius looked proud of himself.

James thought about it for a moment, fingering the ring in his pocket. "You know...that's not a bad idea!"

"Of course it's not a bad idea, it's mine, isn't it?" Sirius rolled his eyes.

"So, when should I do it? Next week-"

"Tomorrow."

"But I-"

"Tomorrow, Prongs."

4. My Stupid Mouth

"My stupid mouth has got me into trouble again
[...]Mama said think before speaking
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do?
[...]I'm never speaking up again."
-My Stupid Mouth, John Mayer
Chapter Four

There were a few problems with James' grand master plan:

The first being that James was no chef (he more had a tendency to set fire to things whenever he was in the kitchen for any purpose other than eating). This directly tied into number two; James hadn't the faintest idea what it was that Lily liked to eat. He knew she was easy to please, as she always cooked a wide variety of foods for dinner (most of which he did not like, being a picky eater). However, her favorite food was a mystery to him.

So being that since he could not cook, and he hadn't the foggiest what to cook if he did know how to cook, he decided to call in extra help. He would get the expertise of the wisest person he knew, and a most excellent chef, one that could give even the Hogwarts elves a run for their money, and a quite beautiful, wise person, at that (which he often told her, especially when he wanted something)...

"Mummy?" James called in his youngest, baby-sounding voice. He poked his head into the kitchen and saw it empty. He heard sobbing coming from the living room and voices. On his guard, he pulled out his wand and crept closer to the living room, ready to strike on whatever horror was being unleashed within. He pressed himself against the wall and listened closely, waiting for his chance to strike.

"No! No, he can't be....not now!"

"It is best that he go, after all. He's a danger to you if he stays here. A walking target-"

"But I'm.....I'm....I'm carrying his BABY!!!" and then a loud �DUN-DUN-DUUUUN' of music. James put his wand away and rolled his eyes, stepping away from the wall and walking into the living room, shrugging his shoulders to relax them.

His mother was sitting next to her Wizarding Wireless, with a tissue to her eyes. She seemed to be calming herself down as the announcer told them to stay tuned for scenes from next weeks show of �Spells and Sorcery.'

James leaned against the couch and cleared his throat. His mother jumped and the tissue fell from her hand. "James Potter, don't scare me like that."

"Still listening to this rubbish, are you?" he walked over and kissed her forehead. "So whose baby is it?"

"Oh never you mind, you little..." she sniffed, dabbing her tissue under her nose. "What brings you down here?"

"Well...I had a favor to ask of you," James admitted, shyly. He rubbed the back of his head nervously.

"Really? And what is this favor?" Mrs. Potter asked, knowingly.

"Well...um...." If he was having trouble asking his own mother to help him ask his girlfriend to marry him, how was he going to be able to tell said love of his life?

He decided to let his actions speak for him, and pulled out the small black box that had found its home in his pocket. Mrs. Potter let out a gasp of surprise.

"James! You're going to marry that girl!"

"Well, sort of," he whispered, peering around cautiously as if Lily was bound to walk in the door at any moment.

Of course, all Mrs. Potter could hear was wedding bells. She made a sound that was a cross between a banshee and a school girl and proceeded to squeeze the breath out of her son while he attempted to tell her that he hadn't quite figured out how to do it yet.

"And, of course, we'll pay for the wedding!" she exclaimed, finally releasing James to his wheezing breaths. "Everything! The poor dear hasn't got a family of her own, and I never had a daughter, so perhaps she'll let me be her �mother' so-to-speak, and, oh hush James, I'm thinking!" She pushed his hand away gently from her shoulder, but he continued to call at her.

"Mum!" James finally cried, exasperated.

"Erm, yes dear?"

"Well..." he swallowed, putting his hand to the back of his head. "I haven't...asked her yet."

"Oh..." she deflated. "Why not?"

"Well, actually," he put his arm around her. "That's where you come in..."

"How so?" Mrs. Potter seemed less inviting than she did a minute before.

"It was Padfoot's idea really-"

"Oh Lord...." Mrs. Potter rolled her eyes. "What has that crazy boy concocted now...?"

"He says that since I can't say the words, I should cook her a really fancy dinner, and hide the ring in the dessert-"

A look of realization dawned on Mrs. Potter's face. "Really? So this is why you have come to see me, I take it?"

"Yes...well, first of all, do you know what she likes to eat?" He asked, ashamed.

"You're sitting there and telling me that you've known her for how long and you don't know what her favorite food is?"

"Er...not really my department, Mum...I was too busy eating..."

Mrs. Potter rolled her eyes. "James, sometimes I wonder how you managed all of your excellent grades."

"So, what is it?" James chose to ignore the barb at him.

"What is what?"

"Her favorite food?"

"Oh, James, I don't know. She pretty much ate anything I cooked," Mrs. Potter shook her head.

"Well that's just loads of help," James sighed. "How the bloody hell am I supposed to cook her a dinner-"

"Language, young man," Mrs. Potter said, sharply. "I suggest we go into the kitchen and find something that you would find enjoyable."

"Why's that?" James asked.

"Because, you, unlike her, are the pickiest eater alive," Mrs. Potter said, standing up and walking into the kitchen.

***

Lily rapped on the door that lead to Sirius' flat. She had not seen James all afternoon, and was more than slightly concerned about him. They had made a promise to leave notes telling the other where they were going and for how long, to avoid worrisome situations. She hoped that he had dropped in by Sirius' house for a bit of a chat, and had been kept over.

She knocked harder when she got no response. Finally, the door opened and Sirius was staring back at her, shirtless.

"You know, you can just walk through. �s what I do."

"Yes, but you don't have manners," Lily grinned at him. "Have you seen James?"

Sirius, of course, knew where James was, but was slightly worried that he hadn't made it back. Of course, he could not tell any of this to Lily. So he cocked his head to the side and picked at the doorframe.

"I mighta seen him, what's it to ya?"

"Sirius, stop playing," Lily rolled her eyes. "Do you know where he is?"

"Maybe...what'll you give me for the information?"

"How about I won't hex you within an inch of your life," Lily offered.

Sirius was about to retort when the object of their conversation Apparated in the middle of Sirius' living room.

"Oi! Padfoot!" he looked around angrily, not seeing Lily or Sirius by the door. "Bad bloody idea! Not only did I completely burn-"

Sirius cleared his throat loudly. James whirled around and felt an ice cube drop in his stomach at the sight of Lily's mildly inquisitive stare.

"Burn what, Honey?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Burn....um...." Caught completely off guard, and having those gorgeous green eyes bore into him, James stuttered for a few moments. Sirius finally cleared his throat again and turned to Lily.

"He was attempting to brew a potion for me, you know how abysmal I am at Potions-"

"Oh yes, with your Outstanding..."

"Nevertheless, I had Prongs here-"

"Who is worse than you in Potions, so I remember-"

"As evident by his burn on his hand-"

"Where's the burn?"

"Lily, you know better than I do that James is a skilled healer when he wants to be," Sirius finished. James shook his head. How Sirius was completely able to control the conversation every frickin' time, he'd never know or figure out.

"Whatever Sirius," Lily sighed. "James, are you coming?"

"Actually, I have something to discuss with Padfoot here, so I'll be along," James, who was eternally thankful to his best friend, did his best to hide his gratitude as Lily was still in the room.

"Don't be too late though, I'm making dinner," with that, she closed the door behind her and left the two men at it.

"Wheeew," James let out a whispered breath of relief. "That was-"

Sirius shook his head violently and grabbed James by the scruff of the neck, dragging him into his bedroom. He took one more look around the flat and then shut the door.

"Oi, Padfoot," James chuckled, smartly. "You know you're my best mate, but I'm about to be engaged to Lily-"

"My room has a Silencing charm on it, dingbat, so we won't be overheard and I just covered your arse, so you'd best be good to me. What did you find out from your Mum?"

"That I need to be cooking for me, because Lily basically eats anything put in front of her. No word on what her favorite food is."

"Interesting..." Sirius bit his lip. "And what were you talking about burning?"

"Oh, I attempted to make a dinner..." James half-smiled. "Didn't quite work so well..."

"Define �so well,'" Sirius asked.

"Good thing Dad came home when he did, else I might have burnt down the entire kitchen?" James said, in a small voice.

"Why this chick loves you I'll never know...but regardless, it looks like you're going to have to use magic-"

"Um...Padfoot?"

"Yes?"

"I was using magic...that's what made it worse..."

"Right, looks like your Mum is going to have to make the dinner for you," Sirius obviously was getting tired of James' hopelessness.

"I don't know if she wants to really see me, as I broke a lot of-"

"For crying out loud, Prongs!" Sirius growled. "Are you trying to make this difficult for us!"

"No..." James retracted into himself, ashamed.

"Fine, well then I suppose you'll have to buy it all and make it look like you made it. Dirty up some pots and pans, if you can handle that without setting the kitchen on fire..."

James laughed a high-pitched laugh. "Funnily enough, I was doing dishes when I started the fire..."

Sirius stared at him. "I don't want to ask..."

***

James stared at the beauty in front of him. A beautiful (store bought) stew lay bubbling on the table as a first course, along with a basket of (bakery bought) rolls. The main course, a stroke of genius by him, was a beautiful lamb, cooked happily by the house elves of Hogwarts. They were so tickled to have their most frequent customer back that they even threw in a complimentary batch of scones for after dinner tea.

Of course, if everything went according to plan, and Lily took one bite into her (store bought) cupcake, there would be no after dinner tea. Oh, James thought, happily. No after-dinner tea at all...

He hopped giddily from one foot to another, walking back and forth from the kitchen to his make-shift dining area. It was three in the afternoon, and unfortunately, he had to have the dinner now, as they had to be at work by 7. James figured that they would have two hours of eating, and one hour of...other stuff, before heading off to work. He had bewitched the windows to make it seem as if it was dark, and had lit candles all around the room.

He glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. Any moment now, Lily would walk through the door. Then she would let out a happy sigh and fall into his arms and they would begin with the dinner. Any minute now...

Any minute turned into five, and then thirty, and then an hour had passed, and then two...

By the time Lily had walked through the door, James was laying upside-down on the couch, making one of the scones tap dance for him. He'd gotten it to be quite good, being able to dance quite like this muggle he saw once-

The door swung open and Lily gasped. "James!" she exclaimed.

He fell over forwards, painfully, and got to his feet. "Surprise!" he grinned.

"Oh," she was looking around upset. "Oh, damn it!"

"What?" James asked.

"I was...I thought....I already had dinner...and you....oh you made a lamb-"

"No," James said, his voice hollow and dissapointed. "No, I picked one up from Hogwarts."

"Oh Baby!" Lily threw herself on James. "Honey, I'm so incredibly sorry. If you'd have told me you were making...buying dinner..."

"Not hungry at all?" James asked. Lily bit her lip and shook her head. "Not even room for a cupcake?"

"I'm positively stuffed."

"Please?" James asked.

"Oh, all right, one cupcake," Lily sunk down into the couch, feeling completely lousy. James disappeared into the kitchen and returned with one cupcake for her. The icing on top looked as if he had been tampered with.

"Did you eat my icing?" Lily asked, taking a very small bite of the cupcake.

"A little bit off the top," he grinned, playing with her hair.

"James, I can't eat anymore..." Lily announced when she had eaten half the cupcake.

"Please?"

She begrudgingly lifted the pastry to her lips and began nibbling. James suddenly had a look of extreme panic and his hand reached for his pants. He enclosed his hand around a small box and winced.

"James..." Lily said, as she finished the cupcake. "What was the point, other than making me sick, of me eating that?"

"I...um....got turned on?"

Lily put her hands to her stomach. "Honey, I'm in no mood for sex right now. In fact, I think I'm more in need of a good loo..."

"Yeah...yeah me too..." James admitted quietly, watching her walk to the bathroom in their room. How on Earth he had forgotten to put the ring into the cupcake was beyond him. The door opened on the other side and Sirius and Mrs. Potter walked out.

"You..." she said, almost too amazed for words. "...are so much like your father...I could just..." And with that, she Disapparated.

"Smooth, Prongs, real smooth," Sirius snorted before walking back into his flat. James sighed into his hands and knew that once Lily was out of hearing range, he was going to get it...

Again.

5. Scarlet Tide

"We'll rise above the scarlet tide
That flows down through the mountain
And separates the widow from the bride."
-Scarlet Tide, Allison Krauss
Chapter Five

"So let me get this straight," Sirius paced in front of James. He had closed the door and put a Silencing Charm on the office so that they wouldn't be overheard. James looked quite meek and quite ashamed of himself. "You bloody forgot to put the ring into the cupcake? How does one forget to put a ring in a cupcake that's intended to be his marriage proposal?"

"I'm an idiot?" James tried.

"Well that's for bloody sure!" Sirius spat. "I can't believe you! Stupid wanker..."

James looked at his hands stupidly; the offending ring was laying open in its box in his hand.

"In any case, we must not be deterred. We just need to come up with a different plan is all..."

"Right," James sighed, feeling lousy. He played with the edge of the folder that he was holding. Sirius was about to let him have it again, so he decided to try to change it to a subject that would make Sirius flustered enough to drop the whole dinner ordeal. "So how are things going with Dorcas?"

"Hm?" Sirius asked. "Oh, yeah...fine I guess. We aren't really anything...you know."

"Yes, but you've been shagging for a few months now," James pressed. Sirius was obviously concerned about something because he frowned. "There's got to be something there..."

"Bah, nothing, Prongs," Sirius shook his head. "At least, nothing like what you and Lily-love have..."

"But there's something?"

"I dunno..." he smiled wryly. "Unlike you, Prongs, we do not feel the necessity to aptly name our relationship."

"So you do have a relationship!" James pointed.

Sirius sighed. "I'm not going to go into it."

"Fine, fine..." James chuckled, dropping it. But Sirius seemed as though he wanted to talk about something along that vein, but didn't know how to approach it delicately.

"Prongs?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you a very serious question?"

James looked up. "Of course..."

Sirius looked around. Even though there was a Silencing Charm on his office he approached James and stood right in front of him.

"Does Lily ever...." he trailed off.

James waited a few seconds before prompting Sirius, "Does Lily what?"

"Does Lily name...certain parts of your body?"

James blinked. "What?!"

"I mean," he leaned in closer. "Has she named your dick yet?"

James stared at Sirius for a bit and then felt laughter building up in his stomach. However, Sirius didn't think that this was a laughing matter, so James didn't let it surface.

"Named...my dick... Padfoot?" James couldn't help but ask, "Why...has yours been named?"

Sirius turned his chair around so that he wasn't facing James. "Yes..." he muttered.

"What'd...she name it?" James grinned, biting his lip to keep from laughing.

Sirius mumbled something.

"What was that?"

"I said, she named it �Pepelillokins, the big, one-eyed pirate.'"

James made a sound, as if the laughter was threatening to explode out of his mouth. He managed to say, "My, that's a long name."

"Oh, that's its full name," Sirius grumbled. "She calls it Pepe for short."

This was too much as James exploded with laughter. Sirius whirled around and was about to hex him silly when Moody came in, cloak half-on.

"Get your coats, boys, we're going out."

***

Rain slammed against the window. Lily stirred a bowl of soup thoughtfully, watching the water hit the window as if the window had done something to offend it. She could hear the wind howling outside, and hoped that wherever her boys were, that they were dry.

She was where she normally was during a stakeout, at the safehouse, ready with her wand and potions to heal the wounded. The object was to get them back on the battlefield before they were hopelessly outnumbered.

She tried a bit of her soup and burnt her tongue as the rain came down harder. From all outward appearances, the rickety house on the cliff should have fallen over into the black sea below from the force of the wind upon it. But, as was the case with Lily herself, it was tougher than it looked.

She sat down on a couch and pulled her legs up to her, blowing on the steam to cool it down. Her wand was ready on an armrest whenever the battle brought wounded to her door, but for now, all she could do was wait.

She preferred to stay behind on these raids. Not because she was scared or because she was unfit to duel with Death Eaters, but because she found that she had a better skill being the Healer back at the safe house. As the war between Voldemort (Lily shuddered at his name) and the Aurors heated up, the regular Healers were less inclined to stay behind and tend to the wounded, as they might find themselves targeted.

Lily fancied Healing so much that she had thought several times about returning to a bit of adult class to brush up on some of the classes that she did not choose to pursue NEWT-level classes in, so that she could become a Healer at St. Mungo's. James was all for it, and even promised to help her study for her classes (he offered to go to some of the classes for her, but Lily reminded him that they probably would not admit a �Lily' that was a man).

A worried smile came to her face as she watched the storm heat up again (it had taken a little break). All she knew was Moody came in and told her to go to the safe house and she knew that meant a stake out. She didn't know where they were or how many were there, or how many dark wizards they were expecting...

She listened to the old house creak and whine with the wind and found her soup was cool enough to drink.

She hated waiting. It was why she was so much better suited away from danger. She was so impatient that when the time came, she was too freaked out by them not coming that she needed a few minutes to sort things out in her mind before defending herself. Unfortunately, a few seconds could mean her death.

Here, though, she was far away from the anxiety over life and death. She worried though. Worried like the dickens about her boys.

She grinned nervously. Her boys.

She knew that they could take care of themselves far better than she could take care of them in battle. Back here though, it was a different story. She enjoyed being able to fuss over them, even if it was for a few seconds to mend their bones and heal their cuts and send them flying back into battle.

Of course, she always had this feeling of dread that when she sent them off that they might never come back.

The rain ceased and an eerie calm filled the room. Her heartbeat, already so loud in the silent room, sped up as she dwelled on her negative thoughts for a second. She always had to go through this period of wondering if she'd ever see James...or Sirius...or Remus....ever again...

Swallowing a particularly large gulp of soup, Lily returned to her positive thoughts, and the wind and rain came up again. She breathed a little easier and finished off her soup, curling up by the fireplace and grabbing a tattered old book from the table.

It was her old NEWT Potion book, and she was reviewing (to pass time) the proper ingredients for the Potions that might be required of her tonight. She got up and walked over to the store cabinet, making sure that she had a fresh supply of all the ingredients, as well as pre-made vials.

She heard a movement upstairs and jumped a bit, reaching for her wand, but after a few seconds, she heard it again, and sighed. There was an old, nearly dead tree planted out front that scratched at the windows sometimes. Returning to her couch, she tossed the Potions book aside and tapped her foot.

Hopefully, they had gotten a bad tip and there was to be no battle tonight. Hopefully, by dawn, James would come get her and tell her that everything was ok, no harm done...nobody dead tonight.

She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself tighter. She always had an eerie feeling as though someone were here; she often wished that she could have someone just to keep her company. Of course, that would reflect badly on her, and she might just be fired. Not only that, but there was barely enough manpower for one person to stay behind and be ready to Heal, let alone two.

Peering up at the clock, she realized that she had about three more hours until the so-called "halting point." No matter what anyone said, no battle ever started past five in the morning, as Death Eaters usually liked to work at night and after five the dawn was starting to break. If there was no action at five, then people would start to be let off. Moody always stayed until noon the next day, just in case...but nothing ever happened.

She lived for nights like those.

Unfortunately, most nights began the same way...the quiet house, the eerie silence (though tonight she was joined by the rain), and the solitude. Then, one would Apparate in, bleeding or in some other way damaged, give a full report of what was going on, and then, if Lily could set him or her right, they would Disapparate back to the battlefield.

The only problem was just waiting. Waiting for that first person to come. Waiting for that first injury.

The rain had stopped now, and she could see a break in the clouds where the near full moon was shining for a brief moment over the wet Earth. In a week, it would be the full moon-

Pop!

Speak of the devil.

"Remus!" Lily said, grabbing her wand and rushing over to assist him onto one of the beds laid out. He was wincing and clutching his chest, wheezing slightly.

"There's-aah-about ten real Death Eaters-dammit-" he cursed, as Lily laid him down. "But they've got-" he moaned when Lily had to move him to remove the top part of his robe "-about fifty people under the Imperious curse...so we can't hurt them too badly..." He relaxed when Lily started applying liberal amounts of painkillers to the giant bruise on his chest.

"From what I see, you've got some broken ribs..." Lily said, gingerly touching his chest.

"Can you mend them?"

"I can get them to hold together, but I don't think you should be going-"

Pop!

"Here, keep rubbing this in," Lily said, handing him the vial of goop. She rushed to the aid of another Auror, by the name of Eri who had collapsed in a heap on the ground. She assisted her up and laid her out on the bed.

She was coughing up big giant spats of blood and Lily was consulting her book when-

Pop!

"I'm going to DIE!" screamed another Auror, Alexander his name, as he clutched his leg which was sticking out the wrong way. Lily magicked him onto a bed, the one that was Remus' but she didn't notice that he was gone because of the screaming-

Pop!

An older wizard by the name of Benjamin had been clearly manhandled and was barely breathing.

Pop!

Dorcas, with a limp on her right leg, was hyperventilating, citing that she had just been through a Cructious curse, and that all she needed was a Calming Drought.

Pop!

Remus was back, this time with Sirius, and he was nearly crying in agony over his broken ribs; a Death Eater had taken his boot to him several times before Sirius could get him away.

Pop!

Pop!

Pop!

It went on like this for hours it seemed like. Every time Lily was halfway through treating one person, another would appear citing near death. She tried to sort them in varying degrees of deadliness; if they were near death, she would drop everyone else to see them first, if they were in excruciating pain, she would see them on varying degrees of scream levels. It was a gruesome rubric, but it was necessity.

She heard at least fifteen Pops at once and let her breath out. It was over. She set to checking everyone out, finishing up with the ones that were crying the most and then going down from there.

When she came upon Remus (she had thrust a Sleeping Drought into someone's hand to give to him), she finally saw James, and felt a great deal of worry lift from her shoulders.

"Hey," he kissed her cheek.

"Are you all right?" she asked, going over to begin mending Remus' broken ribs.

"Eh, nothing you can't patch me up when we get home," James shrugged, watching her fix up his mate. "Poor Moony. Got three hexes to the chest, and then, when he came back, one of �em booted him in the same spot and was crushing his chest-"

She tutted. "He disappeared when I was busy with Alexander. I didn't give him my ok to go back. Hopefully this will teach him a lesson."

"Yeah," James looked around. "How bad is it?"

"Got a bit hectic, nothing new," Lily shrugged. "Nobody's permanently damaged, thank Merlin." She drew a sharp breath. "Anybody..."

"No," James shook his head. "We were lucky enough to save the Muggles that they were attacking, so they're ok. Sent to St. Mungo's for a check-up and memory modification and then they'll be good as new."

"Are you going home?" Lily asked, quietly. He shrugged.

"I'll stay here, see what I can do..."

"No, you've had a hard night, go home and get some sleep."

He stood up and kissed her temple. "Oh, there's something I gotta tell you when you get home, it'll brighten up your day."

***

Lily ended up finishing with her healing by eight-thirty in the morning. She had to send a few to St. Mungo's (including Remus), and they would have to stay the day and possibly the night. Then she had to make sure that none of the other Aurors had any lasting effects of the hexes sent their way and then, finally, she had to clean up the safe house, though it took her a few swishes of the wand to do so.

She Apparated to the main room of their house and was startled to see James and Sirius toiling over a crossword puzzle.

"No, it can't be �Dungbomb,'" Sirius muttered. "That'd be too obvious."

"Right, how about �Stinkpellet?'" James pointed out.

"Too many letters-"

"Why you two slave over that thing is beyond me," Lily grinned, falling into James' lap. "Why are you still awake?"

"Waiting on you, of course," Sirius rolled up his newspaper and tapped her on the head lightly with it. "Now, we can go to bed..."

And he bid them both a very good morning and walked through to his flat. James yawned and put his head on Lily's shoulder. She closed her eyes and leaned against him, very sore from the night's ordeal.

"So, what was that funny joke you were going to tell me?"

"Oh...yes...." James grinned. "Well, you have to promise you can't let Sirius know I told you."

"Right," Lily nodded.

"Well, he told me today that Dorcas had named his dick," James sniggered. Lily opened one eye at him. "No, no, no....get this: She named it �Pepelillokins, the giant, one-eyed pirate!'"

Lily opened her mouth to retort, but James cut her off again.

"And it's �Pepe,' for short."

"James, I don't see why you're laughing," Lily told him, getting up off of him and pulling him up into a standing position. "You certainly weren't when I named yours."

6. Favorite Book of Poetry

7. Friends in Low Places

"I got friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I'll be Ok."
-Friends in Low Places, Garth Brooks
Chapter Seven

"I'm a failure, Pete," James said, putting his hands over his head. Sirius and Remus refused to listen to him whine, so he went to the next in line. Peter, ever wanting to please James, offered to take him to the nearest bar. Though it was Muggle, it had the stuff to make James happy, or, in this case, more depressed.

"No you're not, Prongs!" Peter chirped hopefully, as the bartender brought by another whiskey. "You just...need a bit of encouragement."

James hiccuped. "My mum, my best mate, Remus, nobody's been able to-hic- help me!" he said, banging his head on the table. "Get me firewhiskey!" he whined. Peter kicked him to shut him up.

"Have you gotten yourself a girl yet?" James asked, sighing, and looking at him forlornly.

"No, Prongs, I haven't-"

"You need a girl. You're still a virgin," he stared at the ceiling. "More firewhiskey!"

"Prongs!" Peter flushed. "Look, I think you've had enough-"

"I'm not a bloody house elf!" James growled, grabbing the front of Peter's robes. "Get. Me. MORE!"

"Potter, kindly quiet yourself before I break the statute on secrecy and hex you quiet," came a hoarse voice from down the bar.

It took a moment for the two of them to register who was mocking them from a little corner in the bar. Peter, the more sober of the two, realized it first and was quick to switch to cautionary mode. James, after blinking and swaying a bit, stood up, nearly knocking his stool over. He went for his wand, but Peter stayed his hand.

"All right-hic- Snivelly?"

Severus Snape poured some more vodka into his tiny little glass. Then he turned his head to look at James, who was near falling on himself. He turned around the look straight again. "Better than you, apparently."

"Having fun killing the Muggles?" James asked, throwing his hands around. "Going to hex everyone here when you're done drinking their stuff?"

Snape took another drink, and sighed. "Your feeble mind cannot...." he trailed off.

"I haven't heard you taunting me from behind that mask, there, Snivelly, afraid you'll get caught- "

"James..." Peter whined, pulling him back down.

"Your fat friend is right, Potter, you're making a scene."

"Not so tough out here in the open, are you?" James said, throwing his hand out and knocking over the bottle of whiskey. He didn't even make notice to it. Snape said nothing, but continued to drink.

James, hand still on his wand, was about to whip it out and hex Snape when there was a loud banging noise from the doorway. James turned his head slowly to see who it was, grabbing onto Peter for support.

"Forget what day it is, idiot?" came a snarling voice. Sirius marched over to James and Pete, seething. "I've been looking all over the bloody place for you! And here you are, getting drunk?"

This set James off again. "Sirius, I'm a failure!" James whined, throwing himself onto Sirius and clinging to him.

"Black, please stop this disgusting display of bonding," Snape sneered from the bar. "It's making the rest of us ill."

Sirius pushed James off of him gently (but James clung to his arm) and turned to the source of the voice. "Snivelly? Of all the bars...huh?" He noticed the almost-empty bottle of vodka and smiled. "What's the matter? Killing innocents taking its toll on you?"

Snape said nothing, but downed another glassful.

"Paddy, Paddy, Paddy," James clawed at him. Sirius rolled his eyes and put both of his hands on James' shoulders.

"Look, we have to be somewhere, remember?" he said, very vaguely. "Do you think you can Apparate?"

"I-erm-don't think that's a good idea," Peter shook his head. "He's had a fair bit-"

"And why the hell did you let him have it?!" Sirius turned on him. "Not too smart, Peter, not too smart."

Peter retracted into himself, but then said, "You can use my fireplace...if you want..."

Sirius hoisted James' arm over his shoulder and shook his head. "Fine, I suppose it's the least you can do after you got him into this state."

Sirius turned to look around the bar, but Snape had disappeared. He adjusted James on his shoulder again and helped him out of the door.

***

When Sirius and James appeared in Dumbledore's office, a group of people were already there. The office was spacious, but nearly bursting at the seams from all the people in it. Sirius had to drag James by the arm into a corner so that he wouldn't attract attention in his drunken state. When they passed by Dumbledore, who was talking with Frank Longbottom, both of them gave him odd looks, but maybe it was because James had burst out laughing while pointing at Frank.

After securing a chair in a very unobtrusive corner, Sirius plopped James down and stood in front of him, shielding him from view. He was most irked at his best friend for not thinking about the meeting, but he wasn't going to let him make a fool out of himself, because that's what best mates were for.

Lucky for James, (as she would have made a very large scene yelling at him) Lily was on the other side of the room, chatting animatedly with Alice, and did not notice how her boyfriend's head was lolling about.

However, as soon as James spotted her, he let out a large cry of anguish that caused several people to turn and stare at him. Sirius cleared his throat loudly.

"Stomach virus," he nodded, and people scooted away from the two of them.

"Why the bloody hell did you get drunk?" Sirius hissed to James after they had gone.

"I'm a failure!" James moaned rather loudly. Sirius shushed him, but decided not to provoke James to talk further. All Sirius wanted to do was get this meeting started and over with so he could get James home to sleep it off.

Dumbledore seemed to have finished his chat with Frank and rose to his desk, a symbol that the meeting was starting. James' head was still bobbing up and down on it's own, but there was really nothing Sirius could do about it that wouldn't bring more attention their way, so he tried to make the both of them as inconspicuous as possible, but there was no need. As long as Sirius had known him, Dumbledore had that talent of silencing a room with a single hand wave.

Sirius had only vaguely understood why Dumbledore called all of the Aurors together. They always had things to talk about, whether it was about the latest movements of Voldemort or talking about problems with communication between Aurors, but Sirius knew that it was something more. The feeling of being back in Hogwarts, at least for Sirius, made him feel so connected with Dumbledore and made him want to reaffirm his allegiance to him. And with so much uncertainty among Aurors, it was a good feeling.

And speaking of uncertainty. "Frundus Musell's location was known by only myself, Bartemius Crouch, and a select group of other people," Dumbledore said, heavily, of a muggle-born official who was recently found murdered in the spot most considered him to be safe in. "Though we are not quick to jump to conclusions, we are afraid that someone very high up is leaking information. Therefore, I must caution you to not speak idly to co-workers or friends."

Sirius' eyes narrowed and they swept the room. He noticed Remus was not in attendance.

"These spies may be under the Imperious Curse, or they may be threatened, or they may even be doing it of their own free will. They may lie in the Ministry, they might be your neighbor, they may even be your best friend."

Remus' absence was taunting Sirius again.

"However, I urge you that we must stay united, else we will fail," Dumbledore warned. "These are untrusting times; we cannot see all ends. But one thing is certain. What Lord Voldemort wants is to break up the resistance against him. He will do that by planting distrust in all of us. Do not let him do it."

"Albus," came the small voice of Alice Longbottom. "You're telling us that there is a spy, but you're also telling us that we must trust each other."

Dumbledore nodded, gravely. "There is a fine line between caution and distrust. Be cautious, but do not accuse idly of treachery. When we all start accusing, the real spy may slip through our fingers."

He suddenly broke into a large smile. "To end this meeting on a lighter note, we have successfully foiled ten Death Eater attacks and saved twenty-three people!"

The Aurors looked among themselves shiftily. That was only half of what they had accomplished last month.

Dumbledore rose from his seat and signaled the end of the meeting. Sirius turned to James and saw, gladly, that he had fallen asleep.

However, when Sirius turned around, Lily was standing in front of him

"What's wrong with him?" Lily asked, curiously.

"Um..." Sirius gulped. "Stomach virus...you know..."

Lily looked concerned. "Why didn't he tell me!?" She leaned down to check his temperature. That was when she got a whiff of his breath. Her face hardened.

"Stomach virus, hm?" she sniffed, grabbing the scruff of James' neck away from Sirius. "We'll see about this �stomach virus.'" She walked into the fireplace and Floo'ed to her flat with James in tow.

"You asked for it, James..." Sirius rubbed the back of his head. He caught Dorcas' eye from across the room and she winked at him. Smirking jovially, he sauntered across the room, and the two of them Apparated away together.

***

Lily was nearly hoarse when she Apparated to Remus' flat two hours later. She had decided to go check on Remus because back at her own flat, James was near tears in headache pain and loud gasps of pleasure were echoing in from the flat next door.

Remus was fast asleep in bed, and looking quite peaky. Lily sat down on the edge of the bed and put a warm hand to his bare back.

"Remus?" she shook his slightly. He blinked and looked up, yawning slightly.

"Lily?" he rolled onto his back and sat up. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to give you your medicine..." she frowned at the bruise encompassing his chest. "Remus, that looks horrible."

"Doesn't hurt," he lied.

"I'm sure..." she pulled out a large glass container of a purple gel substance. "Are you hungry?"

"No, not really," he lied again, but this time his stomach gave him away.

"I'll go fix you something, all right? You start rubbing this on," She opened the container and handed it to him. He gagged.

"Couldn't you do something about the smell?" He covered up his nose.

"Well, you aren't going out on a hot date tonight, now are you?" Lily said, pointedly. "Would you rather be in even more pain during your transformation?"

"It doesn't hurt-"

"Don't lie to me Remus, it doesn't work," she said, standing up and kissing his forehead. "I'll be back in a little while."

She set herself to working in the kitchen, and nearly blew a gasket when Remus came wobbling out of his bedroom.

"I'm fine, really," he said, pointing to the less-full container.

"Good," she went back to making lunch for Remus. "Do you know what the idiot did today?"

"There is no telling..." Remus snorted.

"He showed up drunk to Professor Dumbledore's meeting!" she nearly shrieked.

"Was Sirius drunk too?"

"No...at least, I don't think so..." Lily thought. "The numbskull told me that the idiot had a stomach virus!"

Remus was used to these loving "pet names" for his two best mates. "Well, I'm sure he was trying to save you the trouble of being mad at James."

Lily bit her lip, worried. "I'm really...he's been acting very odd lately."

Remus played with the napkin. "Er...odder than usual?"

"Yes...Remus, please don't laugh at me for thinking this but..."

"I wouldn't laugh at you," Remus says, honestly.

"I think he's trying to propose to me," Lily flushed.

"Really?" Remus looked surprised. "Well, that's great!"

"Yes, but the problem is that he can't seem to get it out...and maybe that's not even it...maybe there's something else wrong with him."

"Perhaps-"

"Professor Dumbledore told us that he thinks there might be a spy among us," she started slowly. "You don't think that he's..."

"Lily, of course not," Remus shook his head. "As if there would be a spy among our group?"

"You're right, you're right...maybe this Auror business is getting to him...has he told you anything?"

"Nope, can't say that he has," Remus shook his head. He wasn't going to spoil the surprise of knowing that there was a surprise for James. "But I don't think he's in any sort of trouble."

"He knows that he can tell me if he is, right?" Lily said, handing Remus his lunch.

"Yes, he does. And we would tell you if there was something life-threatening going on with him," Remus assured her.

"And you don't think he's a spy?" Lily asked.

"Do you think he's a spy?" Remus tilted his head.

"No, not really," Lily laughed. "I'm really grasping for straws here..."

"Are you worried that he's going to propose?"

"Oh, hell Remus, I don't know!" Lily came around to sit down next to him. "I mean, for one thing, we're really young. I'm not even twenty yet! And for another, our jobs just...what if one day he dies? Or what if I die? Or what if we hate each other and get a divorce?"

"In the first place," Remus said, putting his hand over hers to quiet her. "You worry too much."

"I know."

"In the second place, if either of you should die, Merlin forbid, would you rather spend the rest of your life wishing that you had married him?" He patted her hand again. "It is better to know what it feels like to do something and hate it, than to spend the rest of your life wondering how it might have been."

"Better to love and lost than never to have loved at all, right?" Lily smiled.

"And I don't think that James would let you divorce him. He'd throw himself off of a building if you left him, I'm sure."

"He would not!" Lily pushed Remus playfully.

"He would too," Remus pushed back.

"He's going to get sick of me one day..."

"After nine years of gawking after you?" Remus shook his head. "I doubt it."

"You're a good guy, Remus," Lily put her head on his shoulder. "You'll make some girl very happy some day."

"I don't think that's a possibility," Remus scooted away from her. "Anyway-"

"Remus?" Lily asked, concerned. "Why is that not a possibility?"

"Don't think you've read the latest article in the paper, hm?" He pushed the Daily Prophet over to Lily and opened it to the fifth page.

"�New werewolf regulation takes steps further to keep half-breeds in line. The new law, which states that werewolves are not permitted to live with humans-' Oh this is ridiculous!" Lily fumed.

"Not really, I mean, I really shouldn't be allowed to live with others, I might bite-"

"One evening, Remus, one evening you are a danger to others. And they should have enough sense to just get out!" She nearly tore the paper up in her hands.

"Well, it's just as well, you know. No one in their right mind would live with a werewolf-" He trailed off, knowing the angry look in Lily's eyes would just worsen if he continued.

"You are a human being, Remus," her voice shook. "You are a human being and don't ever let anyone else tell you differently. These people-" she gestured to the paper. "These people are horribly nasty people."

"Lily-"

"I'm sending my idiot over tonight," she stood up, sniffing. "You take care now." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be by tomorrow. And don't forget to put that stuff on your bruise every hour on the hour."

"Yes Mum."

"Oh you..." she threw her arms around him and hugged him. He winced as she made contact with his bruise, but hugged her back. She wiped tears out of her eyes and looked at him. "They shouldn't be allowed to treat other people like that, Remus. You wait, one day things will be different, even if I have to pass all of the legislation myself."

"Lily, don't worry about me...I'm used to it-"

"But you shouldn't have to be used to it," Lily sighed. "I'm sorry that people treat you this way..."

"But you don't," Remus smiled at her. "And James, and Sirius, and Pete...that's all that matters in my mind."

She kissed him again on the forehead. "You go get some sleep. I'll send along the boys later on."

Remus nodded and Lily Disapparated.

8. Stay

"You say,
I only hear what I want to
And you say,
I talk so all the time
So..."
-Stay, Lisa Loeb
Chapter Eight

"Moony was...a bit edgy last night, wasn't he?" Sirius asked, rubbing his arm gingerly as he held the door open with his other one for James. Both had taken yet another coffee run, for the werewolf had run them both ragged.

"If you ask me, I think he's sexually frustrated," James snorted, swirling around his coffee in his cup with his finger. "How long has it been since he's had a girl?"

"How the bloody hell should I know?" Sirius looked out the window darkly and raised his cup to his lips. "He's been so bloody secretive lately."

"I could ask Lily," James asked. "He seems to talk to her more than us anyways."

"And you're...ok with this?"

James forced a nod.

"If it were Dorcas-" Sirius said, without thinking.

James gave him a snarky look. "Oh really? And is Dorcas your girlfriend now or something?"

"No!" Sirius said, a bit too quickly. "She's just...well..."

"Hm?" James smirked.

"Get off my bloody case!" Sirius threw a pen in James' direction. "So I'm a bit possessive of my shagmate, what's wrong with that?"

"Shagmate? Is that what they call them now? I still prefer fianc�!" James chuckled.

"Well, if I were going to marry her," Sirius growled. "I wouldn't be such a pussy about it-"

"Oh, so you are going to marry her!!"

"Marry who?" Dorcas interrupted, opening Sirius' door.

"No one," Sirius growled at James. "He's being a prat."

"Oh...um..." she bit her lip nervously. "Can I talk to you, Sirius?"

"Sure," James said, motioning to the empty chair beside him.

"Alone," Dorcas clarified.

"Ooooh," James winked at Sirius. "I see. Another one of those �meetings,' aye?"

"Oh sod off, you stupid prat!"

"No thanks, but I'm sure Dorcas will be more than happy to assist you if you would like to yourself..."

Dorcas nearly punched him as he ducked out the door, cackling.

"That's not why I came in here-"

"I know," Sirius said, quickly. "He's a prat, I'm sorry." He smirked and sat back. "Come have a seat then..."

"I think I'd rather sit over here," she said, plopping down into a seat across the desk from him.

"Is anything wrong?" Sirius said, leaning forward.

"Yes...well..I was talking to my Mum the other day and she asked about my love life...well...I told her about you."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "And?"

"Well..." she twisted her hands around in her lap. "She's old and doesn't really understand the concept of shagmates...and...um...well, I told her that we were dating." She put her hand to her lower stomach.

"Something wrong with your stomach?"

"I'm on the rag."

"Oh," Sirius rocked back and forth. "Well, so you told your mum that we were dating...and?"

"And, well...my parents...they want to meet you. So they invited you over to this big family gathering we're having with all the family. Cousins, brothers, sisters...do you want to come?"

"Of course I do," Sirius grinned. "Free food, right?"

James crept up to Sirius' door. He was sure by now the two of them were going at it as they usually did (which was why James never sat in Sirius' chair), and he wanted to see if he could get any names to taunt Sirius with later. He peered through a crack in the door. Dorcas was rubbing her abdomen worriedly and Sirius was leaning against his desk talking with her.

"Dorcas, there's nothing to worry about."

"You're sure you don't want to run out on me?" Dorcas asked, blushing. "Because if you do, I'll totally understand."

"Of course I'm not going to leave you for something like this," Sirius shook his head.

"But...kids?"

James blinked. Kids?!

"I'm great with kids," he waved her off. "We'll meet your parents, tell them the truth-"

"Oh, Sirius!" Dorcas shook her head. "We can't tell them the whole truth!"

Sirius sighed. "Fine, we'll tell them that we're dating. Will that make you happy?"

"Yes!" She stood up and sat in his lap. "Sirius, I just...this makes me so happy."

"You know I like to keep you happy," he smiled. Dorcas put her hand on her stomach and Sirius put his on top of hers.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, quietly, rubbing his hand along her belly. "I've always wanted to know."

James' eyes widened. Dorcas couldn't be...pregnant...could she?

"No, not really...just feels weird..." Dorcas smiled at him. "I really appreciate this, Sirius..."

"As much as I gripe about you," he lifted her chin up. "I do think you're pretty nifty. And nifty people make me want to stick around. Who knows, one day we might get-" he snorted "-married or something."

"My mother would have a field day. You know she won't think us �proper' until we tie the knot, right?"

"Who cares what other people think?" Sirius shrugged. "I'm perfectly happy with you and me and whatever else comes our way."

Dorcas put her head under Sirius' head and sighed; he was still rubbing her stomach gently.

James backed away from the door, eyes wide. Sirius had gotten Dorcas pregnant! And he was just...and she was just....

James stumbled down the hallway towards Lily's office. He burst in there, panting and looking like he'd seen a ghost.

"James, honey, what's wrong?" Lily asked, standing up.

"Sirius...and...Dorcas..."

"Yes, Alice told me about that," Lily chuckled and shook her head. "I knew one of these days it would catch up with them."

James stared at her. "So..."

"I think it's about time that they had a proper relationship, maybe even moved in together. Goodness knows she's over at his flat enough-"

"Do you think they should get married?" James asked.

"Well, now I really don't see that happening," Lily shook her head. "Not as if they really need to, you know."

"But..." James said.

"Oh, come now, you don't really think Sirius is going to settle down with the first girl he ever...well...you know...."

"But he..." James sputtered. "And she..."

"I know you're worried for him, but I really don't think that you need to. They know what they're doing..."

"But they've never..."

"But that's half the fun, isn't it?" Lily grinned, kissing him on the nose. "Oh, and James, could you be a dear and go check on Remus for me?" Lily asked. "And go make sure he put on his medicine on his chest."

James cringed. "I don't have to put it on him, do I?"

"Well, depends..."

"On what?"

"How much pain he's in," Lily shrugged. James blinked at her, realizing something.

"You don't ever...rub his chest with it or anything do you?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't be an idiot."

"But I mean..." James frowned. "You rubbed his chest?"

"James, if I become a Healer, I'm going to be rubbing a lot more chests. You'd best get used to it."

"Yeah, but no chests of guys who you used to have crushes on-OW!" James rubbed his head where the paperball hit him.

"Stop being a prat, James," Lily said, reading her papers again. "I love you, remember?"

"But do you love Remus too?"

"Yes, but not in the same sense."

"WHAT?!" James yelled.

"Honestly, James, there are more ways than one to love a person."

"Are there?"

"Well, let's see..." Lily thought. "There is the undying love I have for you. And then there is the brotherly love I have for Remus. And then, of course, the caring love I have for your mother. And that love I have for Sirius that gets tested on a daily basis. And of course the-"

"Oi!" James blinked at her. "How can you love so many people at once?"

"James..." Lily rolled her eyes. "Go check on Remus won't you?"

"Puh, fine...I'm gone..." he Disapparated.

***

"Oi! Moony!" James called, walking through the flat.

"James?" Remus called from his small kitchen. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, two things really...first of all, have you been using that brown shit Lily gave you?"

Remus peered into the kitchen where the stuff was emptying into the sink slowly. "Just applying it now, actually."

James let out a bark of laughter. "Good man."

"And what else was on your mind?"

"Well...have you talked with Dorcas or Sirius lately?"

Remus laughs. "I suppose Dorcas finally told Sirius then? She's been dallying for a while now."

"S-She told you?"

"Well, of course. She came over the other night, asking for my advice on the matter, as you'd blab to him first thing."

"Would not," James frowned.

"This was something that needed to be worked out between the two of them, and it needed to be handled by someone with...tact..."

"But...I mean-"

"She was really getting worked up over nothing. I knew Sirius would be ok with it, after all. He's a pretty laid-back guy-"

"Remus, this is serious!" James slapped his hand on the table. "Sirius is not ready for this sort of responsibility! He's barely an adult himself!"

"James, this is not that big of a deal..." Remus gave him an odd look. "It's not as if this is some sort of major commitment or anything."

James looked completely lost for words. "But...."

"You really worry too much," he said, sitting back and rubbing his chest. "I really do wish this thing would go away. You will tell Lily that I've been using that crap, will you?" Remus nodded towards the kitchen. "She'll murder me if she finds out I've been draining it."

"You're right," Lily said, deathly quiet behind them. She pointed to Remus. "You, bedroom now." The she turned to James. "You, home now. I'll deal with you later."

"See ya mate," James winced.

***

James was attempting sleep on the couch when he heard loud laughter coming in from the next room. He sat up and walked over to the door, opening it.

Sirius and Dorcas were both cracking up, completely drunk.

"Did you see her face?" Dorcas said, taking another swig of the bottle of wine. "She looked like she was ready to disown me!"

"Well, see that's why we're perfect for each other, both of our families hate us now..." Sirius laughed, pulling the wine. "Let me have that, you're too drunk."

"I can't believe we stole the bottle of wine..." Dorcas hiccuped.

"We're putting it to better use than your parents are..." he leaned over and kissed her roughly.

"I don't believe this," James said, anger in his voice. "You two...."

"James, grab Lily, we'll have a drunken party!" Sirius said, trying to stand up straight, but failing miserably.

James walked forward and grabbed the bottle out of their hands. "This has to be the most irresponsible thing you've ever done. This is your bloody child, for crying out loud."

"Child?" Sirius said, his laughter slowly dying. "What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"And you," he wheeled on Dorcas. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that alcohol can damage or even kill your unborn baby?"

"What....?"

"Maybe everyone else seems to think this is no big deal, but as the child's future godfather, it is my job to make sure that you two don't-"

"Prongs, what child?" Sirius asked.

"Your child! The one Dorcas is pregnant with!" James looked at her. "You are pregnant, aren't you?"

"Not that I know of...." Dorcas shook her head slowly.

"You mean...but what did you go tell her parents?!" James asked.

"Dorcas told them that I was her boyfriend," Sirius snorted. "And then they found out that we were just shagging and nearly blew a gasket."

"Wha...?"

"You really need to listen up more, Prongs," Sirius put his hand to James' chest. "But, for tonight, go sleep with your soon-to-be-wife...We need some time alone."

"But...but I..." James could only mutter stupidly as he walked all the way back to the couch.

9. Love You Out Loud

10. Sweet Transvestite

11. Love Boat

"Come aboard, we're expecting you
Love, life's sweetest reward
Let it flow, it floats back to you
Love Boat soon will be making another run."
-Love Boat, Paul Williams

Chapter Eleven

"You are so whipped," Sirius glared at him, while the Healer prodded his back. Lily had taken one look at Sirius and proceeded to chew James out for letting him injure himself further. Whereas a simple spell would have sufficed before, now Sirius would have to spend at least a day at St. Mungo's. Lily also threatened James with no more back massages if James failed to deliver and watch Sirius until he was fully healed.

"I am not whipped, I'm concerned about you as well," James shifted uncomfortably.

"�James Potter! If you don't sit there and make sure he gets the attention he needs, I will never even think about massages ever again!'" Sirius mocked. James blushed slightly; the Healer gave him a suggestive look.

"There!" said the Healer after a bit. "All finished."

"See? Nothing to worry about!" Sirius said, pushing himself up by his arms. After a second, he let out a howl of pain and fell back to the bed. "I thought you said you were finished!"

"I am finished," the Healer said, scribbling something on a pad of paper. "You'll just be sore for a day or two, falling on your back is nasty business. You should probably stay here until you're well enough to walk."

"It's all right, Sirius," came a voice from the other side of the curtain. James moved them aside and they saw fellow Auror Marlene McKinnon laying on her back, smiling at them. "I'm here for a while too."

"What happened to you?" Sirius asked, adjusting himself so that he could look at her.

"Some little arsewipe who liked to use the Crutacious curse. I don't know who he is, his voice doesn't sound familiar," Marlene shook her head. "The Healers say that I need to stay here for a day to rest."

"I could kill Lily," Sirius grumbled.

"You can also live with lying in a bed for a few hours," James said, plopping himself down in a chair between the two beds.

"Fine, since we're here, how about we start practicing with the beans?" Sirius said, reaching into his robes and pulling out a can of beans. James blinked at him.

"You carried those all throughout the battle?" he stared.

"You never know when you needed to spill the beans," Sirius said, grinning. "I needed to be there in case the mood showed up to tell you it was the right time to open the can."

Marlene raised her eyebrows. "Do you think that we need to call the Healer to see if his mind has been addled?"

James snorted. "It's too late, he's been like this for too long."

"Fine," Sirius pushed himself up to give Marlene a very snarky and knowing expression. "We're talking about James proposing to his girlfriend."

James sat up. "Hey!"

"See what you get for being snarky?" Sirius said. "I'll tell your secrets." He laughed, but that hurt his back too much so he stopped and fell back onto the bed.

"See what you get for being snarky?" James hissed back.

"So, that's what you've been trying to do," Marlene chuckled. "We all had bets going."

"What?!" James sputtered.

"Yeah, Lily's been telling us all about your little failed adventures. I suppose Alice gets the pot then..."

James blinked at her. "You mean to tell me that you had wagers going on what I was doing? And Lily was in on it?"

"Oh yes," Marlene nodded. "Alice Longbottom thought you were going to propose, Dorcas thought that you were trying to break up with her, Willow Smith from the Department of International Cooperation thinks that you're trying to ask her to have a threesome with some other girl, Marion Keller from Department of Magical Games and Sports thinks you're really a dark wizard and are planning to turn her into a slug, Addy Walker thought that you were trying to tell her that you were a vampire, Ashley O'Leary thought that you were trying to tell her that you were pregnant..."

James stared at her, stupified. "All of these people put money in to bet what I was trying to tell my girlfriend?"

"Of course we did, we aren't stupid you know."

"But I haven't asked her yet, so you can't tell anyone," James said, panicked.

"So tell her," Marlene shrugged.

"That's the problem," Sirius spoke up again. "He's a chicken shit."

"Chicken shit!" pipped the voice from the doorway.

"Percy!" One of the Prewett twins swept him up in his arms and walked away, telling him off for running away. "Your mummy is going to spank you for running away again!"

James sighed. "I just don't know. I can't seem to choke out the words..."

"Maybe I can help," Marlene offered.

"Oh, I don't think you can..." Sirius muttered.

"What's your idea?" James ignored him.

"I have this boat down in the Carribean, anchored in St. John's Bay. You could take Lily out on a romantic cruise, propose to her as the sun's setting."

"Why would that be any different from any of the other ideas?" Sirius asked.

"In the first place, you two would be all alone on a boat," Marlene said. "It could get you in the mood. In the second place, it has anti-Apparating charms on it and once you set it to go a certain speed around a certain place, you can't change it. So that would mean that you either stall for three hours or tell her and get it over with."

James grinned. "Sounds great!"

"You won't do it," Sirius shook his head.

"Fine friend you are," Marlene glared at him. "It's worth a try, isn't it?"

"Yeah, of course it is," James grinned. "Thanks Marlene!"

"Anytime..." she said. "Besides, Alice could use that 300 galleons."

"Three hundred galleons!?"

***

He was pumped.

Pumped.

He was going to do it tonight, if it killed him.

He had told Lily to take the night off, and he had told Moody that he was taking the night off.

He told Lily not to eat and to be home by six.

He had dinner reservations at the Tamarind Club on Tortula, the largest British Virgin Island. He had consulted Remus before he made the reservations, just to be absolutely sure, and Remus had pointed out that the Islands were four hours behind them. So the reservations were for four in the afternoon (which was eight at night in England).

Marlene had taken him down to the boat yesterday to show him how to work it. She showed him the automatic course charter and how to work it, and then she helped him chart his four hour voyage around Josiah's Bay so that he'd be at just the right point to see the sun set, and she told him that would be the ideal spot to propose marriage.

He had a picture of the place where they were Apparating to, so Lily could visualize it perfectly.

He had her clothes laying out on the bed.

He had the ring in his pocket.

Tonight.

Was his night.

Lily came home at six o'clock on the nose, giving him an enthusiastic kiss and hug. He returned it and led her into the bedroom to show her the clothes he had picked out for her.

"A sundress?" Lily asked, raising her eyebrows. "It's the beginning of February...where am I going to wear a sundress?"

"On Tortula," James said, smoothly, taking off his sweater to reveal a very tropical-looking orange shirt with white flowers, then he picked up the picture and showed it to her. "On the BVI."

"The...Virgin Islands?" Lily said, smiling. "Going on holiday a bit early aren't we?"

"I thought I'd take you out somewhere nice for dinner," James said, helping her take off her button-down shirt and unbuttoning her pants. "Are you taking a shower first?"

"Yeah, probably," Lily said. "Why, do you want to take one with me?"

James just grinned.

***

They arrived at the Tamarind club at three-forty-five, and were promptly sat next to the window. The sun was still out, but was shining beautifully on the crystal-clear water. James looked up to Lily, who was grinning happily, and took her hand.

"The water is the same color as your eyes," James whispered, squeezing her hand. "Beautiful."

Lily blushed. "I didn't know there was such a color as beautiful."

He leaned over the table and Lily met him halfway in a kiss. He sat back down and smiled at her. "I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you, too," Lily said, back. "Is this Valentine's day, or something?"

"Valentine's day isn't for another five days," James reminded her.

"But..." Lily smiled. "Why tonight?"

"I was feeling romantic," James said, taking her other hand. "And I thought we needed a night off."

"You're so adorable," Lily giggled.

"I know."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You never change, do you, Potter?"

"I changed for you, didn't I?" James said, kissing her knuckle.

"No, not really," Lily shook her head. "I just realized that I liked you being a big git." She reached forward and played with his hair.

"I like you being mine," he said, smiling.

"I like that too," she said, smiling back at him.

After dinner, James took Lily down to the seaside and led her along the waterfront until they reached the boats.

"Let's go on the dock, shall we?" James asked, leading her towards it. Lily nodded, happily and followed.

"Such pretty boats," Lily sighed, putting her head against James' shoulder. They stopped at one of the more larger ones and James looked down at her.

"Want to go out on it?" he asked, mischievously.

"James, we can't steal a boat," Lily sighed, tugging him away.

"Why not, Marlene said we could use it as long as we wanted," James grinned, getting onto the boat and holding his arms out for her to jump into them.

"M-Marlene?" Lily gasped. "Marlene McKinnon?"

"Yeah, I asked her the other day," James said, holding out his arms again. "I fancied a sail around Josiah's Bay, what do you say?"

Lily stepped into his arms and he pulled her into the ship, smiling. "James, you don't know how to sail a boat...."

"Are you going to trust me, or are you going to trust me?" James said. "Now, get your cute arse up to the front while I get things ready back here."

"Cute arse, hm?" Lily said, climbing up onto the side of the yacht.

"And be sure to bend over a lot," James called, as he tapped the automatic system with his wand. Lily turned back and glared at him, sitting down on the bow of the ship and watching them leave the dock. Once James was sure that things were working properly, he joined her up front, as they left the harbor and sailed out into the bay.

"James, who's driving?" Lily asked, scooting into his arms.

"It's automatic, m'dear," James answered, smiling. He was feeling a bit odd, as if he wasn't digesting properly. He attributed it to nerves, but it was really making him feel sort of sick.

"This is amazing," Lily said, letting the wind blow through her hair. "Absolutely amazing." She leaned up and kissed him. James thought that maybe a quick snog with Lily would settle his increasingly upset stomach.

Unfortunately, he had to break away from her, groaning slightly, a pounding in his head. He put his hand to his forehead and breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, but nothing seemed to be working. The fish he had just eaten seemed to be alive and kicking in his stomach.

"Baby?" Lily asked, putting her hand to his chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," James said, breathing out very slowly.

"Are you seasick?" Lily asked.

"No, no," James shook his head. "I'm fine..."

"Do you want me to see if there's any water on the boat?" Lily asked, brushing her hand over his hair.

"Yeah," James nodded, meekly. Lily left his side and disappeared, and James laid back against the hatch on the bow of the boat and whimpered silently. The boat rocked under him and made him feel even sicker, so he sat back up.

Lily showed up with a martini glass she had found downstairs filled with some ice. She handed it to James and put her arms around him, rubbing his stomach gently.

"I'm sorry you feel bad, Baby," Lily whispered. "Maybe if we stop the boat?"

James looked at his watch. It was almost seven, and he and Marlene had planned on letting the boat sit for an hour, while they watched the sun set.

"It's ok, the boat's going to be stopping soon," James nodded, taking a few of the ice cubes into his mouth and crunching them up.

"Want to lay down in my lap?" Lily offered when the boat came to a halt. James nodded and laid his head down in her lap, whining quietly. She put her hands in his hair and rubbed his scalp, trying to make him feel better. "So what's wrong?"

"My stomach hurts," James said. "And my head hurts too..."

"Poor baby," Lily said. "Are you feeling any better since we stopped?"

"No," James sat up and scooted against the side of the boat, leaning on the ropes. Lily scooted over to join him and put her head on his shoulder. James put his hand in his pocket and felt the ring. He'd better go ahead and get this proposal over with before the fish came back for an encore.

"Lily..." James said, kissing the side of her cheek.

"Yes?"

"Lily, would you..."

"Yes?" Lily asked, looking at him. James groaned.

"Would you look the other way..." He said before leaning over the side of the boat and emptying the contents of his stomach. Lily put her hand on his back and rubbed gently until he was done with his first wave.

But James, who was astounded that he had so much in his stomach in the first place, was going for round two, and saw the remnants of his pasta lunch come out of his mouth. Just when he thought it was over, round three came running by.

"Poor Baby, do you want to Apparate home?" Lily asked, kissing his sweaty forehead.

"Can't," James grunted, wiping his mouth weakly. "Marlene put some Anti-Apparating charm on the boat so nobody can attack them, and I don't know how to rechart the course to go home."

"How much longer do we have then?" Lily asked, getting up and going to the back of the boat to find a towel to wipe his mouth.

James looked at his watch. "An hour."

Lily came back and dabbed his mouth with the towel. "I'm sorry this turned out so horrible for you..."

"Yeah, me too..." James whined, putting his head over the side of the boat.

***

Sirius heard movement on the other side of the flat and poked his head on the other side of the door to see what was the hubbub. He immediately frowned when he saw Lily lowering James onto the couch and covering him up with a blanket.

"What happened?" Sirius asked. Lily went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water.

"James got a bit seasick," Lily sighed, bringing it back to him. He took it gingerly and brought the glass to his lips, drinking a little bit before lying back down.

"Seasick?" Sirius blinked.

"Yeah, poor guy," Lily sighed, running her hand through his messy locks.

"Seasick...worst bloody luck..." Sirius rolled his eyes and walked back to his flat.

12. I Want to Tell You

"I want to tell you
My head is filled with things to say
When you're here
All those words, they seem to slip away."
-I Want to Tell You, The Beatles
Chapter Twelve

Sirius and Remus stared at James, pitying. He had been progressively tearing up a piece of important parchment that he needed to be filling out, rolling up the individual pieces and throwing them in his wastebasket.

"Mate, I mean...you couldn't have known you get seasick," Remus broke the silence.

"What are the odds?" James asked, his voice hollow.

"Actually, a great deal of people get seasick," Sirius said, truthfully, but James just sighed.

"Is this punishment for me being rude to Snivellus all those years?" James looked to the heavens. "Is this punishment for all the times I hexed people for no reason, when I pulled all of those pranks, when I hurt all of those people. Is this my punishment?"

"James, you can't spend your life thinking that you're being punished for every bad thing that goes wrong," Remus said, intelligently. "Sometimes things just...happen. And then you have to cut your losses and move on."

"So you're saying I should break up with her?" James asked.

"No, I'm saying that you suffered a misstep, you didn't plan for something, it happened, so you need to get over it and move on, figure out a different plan," Remus said.

"How many different plans can I come up with?"

"I think," Sirius said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "That it is time that James let the professionals do the work for him."

"How so?" Remus questioned. "And what professionals...?"

"And wouldn't I need to be the one to ask Lily to marry me?"

"If you two blighters would shut up for a minute, I could tell you what my effing plan is!" Sirius growled.

"Fine, O Wise One, explain your grand master plan," James chuckled.

"My plan is really quite simple. Well, the theory is simple, but the practice will be much more difficult," he smiled secretively. "Remus and I are going to be the puppet-masters in a little game I like to call �Project James-proof.'"

"Catchy title," Remus remarked.

"Stuff it, Moony."

"We are going to be in control of everything; food, wine, conversation, music, setting, everything will be under our control, so you know that it won't be botched up."

"Another dinner?" James rolled his eyes. "We tried that once before, remember?"

"Yes, but this time you won't be alone in there to mess up," Sirius patted him on the shoulder. "The only thing you have to do, is say four, small, little words. And that's it."

"That's it?" James said.

"That is it," Sirius nodded. "The rest shall be taken care of by myself and Mr. Moony."

"I am so lucky to have friends like you guys," James said, grinning. "I know I can do this. I was almost there at the boat; I was about to say it-"

"Instead you sprayed it," Sirius sniggered.

"But when are we going to do it," Remus asked. "And where and how and with what food and neither of us know anything about cooking-"

"Moony, Moony, Moony," Sirius stood up and gave him a little pat on the back. "Stop worrying so much. We have the perfect date," he strolled over to the calendar with the naked woman and tapped a circled date.

"Valentine's day?" James blinked. "That's in three days though..."

"You don't need to worry about that," Sirius came behind Remus and grinned devilishly. "Moony and I shall take care of everything."

"Actually," Remus scooted away from Sirius a bit, feeling a tad uncomfortable. "As I stated before, neither of us know a thing about cooking, so it would be in our best interests to send Pete an owl."

"Of course!" Sirius said, rather quickly. "I was just...about to suggest that!"

"I haven't seen Pete in a while," James admitted, guiltily. "Do you reckon he's still our mate?"

"Goblin business hasn't been going too smoothly," Remus remarked. "A lot of bad rumors have been coming out of Gringotts lately, and from what I hear, Pete's right in the middle of it. It seems as though the goblins are considering switching sides."

At the befuddled look on Sirius and James' faces, Remus continued, "I take it you two haven't been reading the Prophet lately."

"Erm...no, not really..." Sirius admitted and James shook his head.

"In any case, I don't think Pete will hate us too much for not paying him much attention these past few weeks," Remus finished.

"Good!" Sirius exclaimed, cheerily. "Then James, return to your office as if nothing is amiss, and practice saying those four little words that you've been meaning to say for so long!"

"Right!" James jumped up and trotted back down to his office.

"Erm...I said not to look as if anything is amiss..." Sirius peered out his door.

***

Lily wished that he would just propose to her and get it over with.

She wasn't stupid. She knew that he had been trying for the past month to ask her to marry him. She had, at first, found it cute, the different ways he tried to do it, but now...

Now it was just pathetic.

As if she didn't notice the way Remus and Sirius gave him furtive looks and nods when they thought she wasn't looking. As if she didn't hear them counting down until project "James- Proof" (which, she thought, was a clever name considering he was being so hopeless about the whole thing), but she gave them the satisfaction of being surprised when James asked her to go out to dinner with him.

She fought back the eye roll when James gave Sirius a very knowing nod and wink.

It was almost insulting to her intelligence the way they were carrying on. But she figured if she wanted James to propose, she might as well let him do it his way and just go along with it. So she dabbed perfume behind her ears and got dressed in her black dress (she also got into some sexy knickers so that when things escalated, James would have a nice reward for his "hard work"), and smiled graciously at the dinner that was prepared for them.

"I thought it would be more romantic, just the two of us," James told her, as Sirius (in a very spiffy looking dress robe) poured them glasses of wine.

Lily nodded and thanked Sirius, who flashed her a cheesy smile. "Yes, just the two of us..."

"Don't worry, I am invisible, blind, and deaf," Sirius said, bowing very low.

"Too bad you aren't mute either!" James grumbled. Sirius hissed at him and sauntered back to the kitchen.

"So, what's this all about?" Lily asked, trying her best to be coy.

"Happy Valentine's day, darling," James said, raising his glass to hers.

"Happy Valentine's day, James," Lily said, thinking to herself, And if I don't get a marriage proposal, I'll ask you to marry me myself!

"You look beautiful," James said, smiling.

"Thank-" They heard a loud crash coming from inside the kitchen and James groaned.

"Who all is in there?" Lily asked, thoughtfully. "All three?"

"Erm....Peter was kinda busy and a bit miffed that we hadn't spoken to him in about three and a half weeks...so he couldn't make it."

CRASH-BOOM!

"Oh...dear..." Lily winced. Even though it was Sirius' apartment, she didn't want to imagine the mess the two of them were making in the kitchen.

"Erm..." James cleared his throat. "Well...sounds like things are going-" CRASH BOOM! "- rather...erm...."

"Yes..." Lily winced when Remus told Sirius to "PUT IT OUT!!!" and a faint smell of smoke wafted into the living room.

A few minutes of silence later, Sirius came out, looking a bit frazzled, holding a tray of two bowls of soup. Before he was three steps out of the kitchen, he tripped over the rug and one of the bowls went splotching to the ground. He stood up and waved his wand, so that the soup came back into the bowl. Then he straightened up his best robes and approached the table.

"Having difficulties?" James said, trying to keep a straight face.

Sirius took one look at him and then switched bowls. "I was going to give her the one that fell on the floor, but you can have it, Mr. Smarty-pants."

"Gee thanks..." James grumbled, looking down at the bowl in front of them. "Is this chicken noodle soup?!"

"Erm..." Sirius looked around, trying to avoid the question. "The stew didn't quite turn out the way that we...erm...wanted it to... so...we found this in my cupboard."

"I see...." Lily nodded. "Well, thank you..."

"Yeah..." Sirius was quick to disappear into the kitchen.

James sent an apologetic look Lily's way and dipped his spoon into the rather dark looking soup. "Cheers," he smiled, bringing the spoon to his mouth.

As they both found out at the same time, not only was the soup extremely cold, but someone had apparently forgotten to read the directions on the condensed soup can. They both spit the soup back into the bowl at the same time and took quick sips of their wine.

"Hopeless," Lily coughed.

"Completely."

They heard a loud sizzling from the kitchen and then they heard Remus yelping in pain. Lily put her napkin on the table, nervously. "I'm going to go check on them..."

"No!" James said, reaching over to take her hand. "Just...stay here..."

"Dinner shall be..around in a few minutes..." Sirius said, coming out of the kitchen. He had flour smeared on the side of his face and was trying his best to look dignified, but ended up looking completely ridiculous.

"Do you need any help?" Lily asked, biting her lip.

"No! You just stay there!" Sirius shook his head. "Besides, you'd kill me if you saw the mess in there!"

With that, he disappeared again.

Lily shook her head, amazed. "How is it that you boys are so hopelessly inept at doing anything?!"

"Because we have you to take care of us," James smiled, rubbing the top of her hand. "And you do such a good job of it too."

"Oh hush," she blushed.

"I mean it, once this war calms down a bit," he kissed her hand. "You're going to be the best healer St. Mungo's ever had."

"Healer Lily P-Evans..." Lily blushed, hoping James hadn't seen her slip up. As a matter of fact, he smiled even wider, as if he knew what to do next by instinct.

"Sirius!" he called.

Sirius stuck his head out, and a cloud of white smoke followed him. "What the hell do you want?!"

"Put dinner on hold for a bit, we're going for a walk.."

***

"Such wonderful friends you have, James," Lily smiled up at him as they strolled through the park hand in hand. She was wearing his large blue coat and was looking quite content next to him. "Imagine, giving up their Valentine's day for you..."

"Well, tonight is very important," James nudged her gently and squeezed her hand lovingly.

"Is it now?" Lily said, coyly. Sort of like every other night this past month.

James saw the first of several landmarks that Remus had pointed out to him for him to say certain things, but such a complete calm had come over him that he felt as if he could really speak from his heart and not botch it up.

"This is the most important night of my life, you know," James pulled her closer and put his arm around her.

"It doesn't feel any more important than any other night..."

"It is."

"Even more important than the Quidditch final of seventh year?"

"Much more important."

"More important than any tests at school?"

"Mm-hm..."

"I see..." Lily put her head on his shoulder. "So what makes tonight so important?"

He kissed her forehead. "Things."

"Things, such as...?" Lily asked.

"Shall we sit down?" James offered a small white bench that they had just happened upon. Lily sat down primly and James joined her, pulling her back into his embrace.

"Things such as...?" Lily started him again.

"Are you cold?" James asked.

"No...Things, such as..." she pushed again, getting impatient. James let go of her and took her hand in his.

"Lily Shea Evans, you are the love of my life."

Lily smiled at him, trying to keep the cynic thought of �Bout bloody time...' off of her face.

"The light in my world."

James could feel the words bubbling out of him. He was going to do it tonight.

"Without you, I am nothing."

Well, Lily thought, feeling a warmth spread all over her body, I suppose if he's going to be this sweet, it was worth the wait.

"I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love you," James shook his head, feeling the words in his heart. "I never thought that I could need someone as much as I need you."

Lily felt a prickling in her eyes; she was such a sucker when he went all out like this.

"From the first moment I heard you screaming at me, I knew..." James chuckled and Lily let out a watery giggle.

"You always know how to make me angry," she said, thickly, trying to brush his hair down.

"So, Lily, my sweet angel, my beautiful flower, my life, my love, my everything..."

"Yes..." Lily said, holding her breath. He slipped off the bench and went on one knee. She could see it all in front of her, her wedding dress, their honeymoon, their first child, and then their tenth, and all of them, playing in the backyard on broomsticks, their kids going to Hogwarts, prefects and troublemakers, and then growing old together, loving, sweet, and-

"We need a break."

13. Burn

14. What I Really Meant to Say

"It took me by surprise
To see you standing there
close enough to touch
Breathing the same air."
-What I Really Meant to Say, Cyndi Thompson
Chapter Fourteen

"Well...." Sirius rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Well what?!" James seethed. He was still reeling from the fight earlier, and he had one hell of a hangover.

"Well this is a fine mess," Sirius dropped his hands and stared at him. "I took you out to get drunk so you could realize what kind of a girl you had, and you screw that up!"

"I didn't screw a thing up, she over-reacted!" he growled, sitting down and holding his head.

"To tell the truth, Prongs, this wasn't my best idea ever."

"Actually, it's the best idea you've ever had!" James exclaimed, looking up. "Showed what kind of a person she really was! Good thing I broke up with her before I married her-"

"Don't bullshit me, Prongs," Sirius rolled his eyes. "You'll be back together within a week having glorious make-up sex."

"Sex wasn't that great-"

"I said not to bullshit me, Potter," Sirius said, throwing a pen at him. "I heard the tales, and the moans on several occasions. The sex was fine."

"All right, I'll miss the sex, but that's it!" James exclaimed. "I won't miss her nagging or her...well...whatever else she did to annoy me!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Direct your bitching the other way, please, I don't really want to hear it because I'll be hearing the exact opposite from you next week, and it'll annoy me."

"Aren't you supposed to be my best friend?" James asked. "And you're taking her side?"

"I'm not taking anyone's side, Prongs," Sirius said, standing up. "You've had a fight, she's threatened to move out-"

"I kicked her out!" James said, proudly.

They both heard a loud gasp of indignation and turned in time to see a flash of red fly off. Sirius sighed, melodramatically.

"That is the fifth time she's walked by."

"So?"

"In fifteen minutes."

James frowned. "She's the one who overreacted! She's getting what she deserves!"

Sirius stared at him, then finally said, "Just go." He pointed to the door. "I can't listen to your idiocy anymore."

"Well...fine!" James grabbed his coat from the chair and stormed out.

***

James wandered around London for the rest of the afternoon, hands stuck in his pockets and a permanently moody expression on his face. He was going over the conversation he had with Lily and the one he had with Sirius. Some of the things that had come out of her mouth were so hurtful, so mean, and he was sure he hurt her just as badly.

Truth was, he wasn't sure if he slept with that girl or not, and truth was he didn't care. They were on a break, anything goes, right? She could have gone out and slept with anyone she wanted, and he wouldn't care, right?

The unhappy feeling in his chest told him the answer to that question.

Kicking a piece of trash across the street, James decided to go talk to his own personal counselor who knew him better than he knew himself.

He found himself standing on his own doorstep and knocking the door meekly. Normally, he'd just walk on through, but he wasn't sure if his mother was still sore about the kitchen-burning incident. He waited and knocked again when the door opened.

"H-You," he stared.

"You," she stared back.

For a moment, both of them were silent, staring into each other's eyes. The former feelings of love and affection welled up in their chests, and, for a second, they both felt the magnetism towards each other.

Then the loving feeling was overtaken by a hurt and angry wave of emotion and the eye contact was broken by a flurry of blinking and blushing.

"W-What are you doing here?" James stammered after regaining the ability to speak.

Lily also seemed to be having trouble finding her tongue, but once she found it, it was acidic. "Your mother invited me to stay here until I found a new flat."

"What?!" he exclaimed.

"James, darling, I thought I heard you yelling," Mrs. Potter said, briskly, coming out of the kitchen. "Lily, dear, go check on that pie."

Lily turned around and once she had fully broken eye contact with him, seemed to be more sure of herself, because she turned around and sent a glare James' way. James returned it with intensity. Mrs. Potter noticed but brushed it off until Lily was out of the room.

"What did you do?" Mrs. Potter asked, shrilly, once the door to the kitchen had been closed. "Sleeping with another woman! I thought I taught you better than that!"

"It's none of your business, Mum," James frowned. "I came here to talk to you, and you're housing her?"

"For crying out loud, James, she's your girlfriend, not a parasite," Mrs. Potter shook her head, walking into the living room.

"Ex-girlfriend, Mum," James said, loudly and towards the kitchen. Mrs. Potter held her tongue and sat down on the couch, crossing her ankles snappily and waiting for James to take his seat across from her.

James plopped down on the couch, slouching, and Mrs. Potter began gently. "I don't doubt that you were frustrated-"

"Frustrated?!" James sat down. "Frustrated is a bloody understatement! For a whole month, Mum, a whole bloody month, I tried to propose to her. Every single bloody trick in the book! Now I realize what was wrong?"

"What?" Mrs. Potter said, tiredly.

"I don't really love her!" James said, throwing up his hands. "That's the only reason why I could possibly screw up that many times!"

"Oh for heaven's sake...."

"And then, when I decide to go see what else is out there, she goes crazy on me! If she truly loved me, she would have understood!"

Mrs. Potter stared at him.

"Well..." James lessened a bit. "She wouldn't have gone crazy the way she did..."

She continued to stare.

"The point is, Mum, that we're over," James finished. "And she just needs to get over that."

"She already is," Mrs. Potter pointed out.

"So why is she staying here?" James asked.

"Because, dimwit," Mrs. Potter snapped, and James frowned. "Her sister refused to even let her in the door."

James felt the beginnings of guilt. "Oh..."

"She's gone over there three times. The first time she had the courtesy to open the door, and the other two times, she completely ignored her."

"Um....I'm going to use the loo," James said, lamely.

"Go right ahead," Mrs. Potter sighed. "Oh, the one downstairs is being inhabited by some sort of creature that likes to grab at things, nearly gave your father a heart attack the other day. Use the upstairs one."

James nodded and headed up the stairs. He trotted down the hallway to the bathroom across the hall from his room and put his hand on the knob. But the knob turned before he could do it. Lily stepped out, not paying attention, and found her nose pressed into his chest. She slowly raised her eyes to meet his.

It was the first time they had been so close in nearly 24 hours. And though they were loathe to admit it, both of their bodies were telling them to get closer, out of habit. They both appeared to be fighting the feeling with every thing they had. Finally, Lily put her hand on her hip and flipped her hair behind her shoulder.

"Are you going to move?" she demanded.

"Why don't you move?" James demanded back.

"You're in the hallway."

"You're in the bathroom."

"You are such a prat," Lily said, moving from side to side, but finding no easy exit. "I can't get around you."

"Not my problem," James said.

Lily grunted angrily and pushed him out of the way, her hands brushing at his chest, which, unhappily, sent shivers down her spine. When she was far enough away from him that she could think clearly again, she turned around to sniff at him, "I wouldn't be drunk for the meeting again, Potter."

"What meeting?" James asked, whirling around.

"Dumbledore's meeting, nitwit," Lily said, walking down the hallway. "Try not to be late for it, he says it's important."

"I'm never late for the meeting!" James yelled after her, groping for a comeback. "You're late for the meeting!" he said, lamely.

"M-ME?!" Lily whirled around.

***

"Out of my way, Potter," Lily growled, shoulder to shoulder against James as they rushed into the meeting place. They had spent so much time arguing in the hallway that they both had realized that they were at least five minutes late.

As the meeting was a top secret one, the Aurors were told to Apparate to a certain place (in front of an old bar in Scotland) and follow the directions from there. Lily and James had Apparated at the same time and were currently racing towards the meeting spot, shoulder to shoulder.

James, the bigger and stronger of the two, was winning, but Lily was quite fast and was keeping up. They reached the door and both reached for the handle. When their hands met on the golden handle, they both retracted as if the other was on fire.

"Where are your manners, Potter? Ladies first," Lily put her hands on her hips.

"I don't see any ladies," James said, quickly, and while she was recovering from the indignation from that comment, he slipped in the door.

Dumbledore had already started talking, but paused a few seconds when the door opened. James nodded to him and found one of two available seats, next to Peter.

"What are you doing here, mate?" James whispered, sitting down.

"Dumbledore asked me personally to be here," Peter shrugged. He smiled at Lily when she sat down, grumbling at the only other seat.

"Go sit somewhere else," James growled at her.

"There are no other seats!" Lily growled back.

"Uh-oh..." Peter said, sitting back a bit to get out of the line of fire.

Dumbledore continued on as if he couldn't see the storm brewing over one circular table in the back. "And in this time of disunity, this is the time that we need to gather together. Our system of learning about the enemy's movement is, at best, shrouded in fog. For too long we have relied on the abilities of just Aurors, for it has been commonly known that they are the only ones with the talent to do anything against the Dark Lord."

"What's he been talking about?" James asked Peter.

"I don't know-"

Lily made a sound of impatience. "Shut up, Potter, I'm trying to listen-"

"Shut your own fat mouth, Evans-"

She gasped. "I do not have a fat mouth!"

"Both of you!" Peter shushed them.

"But the Auror cannot do his or her job without knowing where the enemy will be. Lord Voldemort has not and will not hesitate to use others than his army of Death Eaters to do his work. We have reports that he has offered the hand of friendship to giants, werewolves, and other creatures which the wizard community has shunned. We must do the same-"

"Albus," came the wizened, Irish voice of Professor McGonagall. "You cannot expect us to-"

"Unfortunately, those whom we would most benefit from have already allied themselves with the Dark Lord. Which is why Aurors must ally themselves with those who would most benefit them; the common wizard."

An astonished look crossed the faces of every one in the room.

"Common wizard?" Lily muttered to herself.

"Shut up Lily, I'm trying to listen," James mocked her. Lily was about to retort when Dumbledore continued with a lighter air.

"As odd as it sounds, the common wizard is the best secret weapon an Auror possesses. For if we have the common wizard on our side, we have access to a mountain of information on the movement of dark wizards that otherwise we would not be able to know. The common wizard can strike up a conversation with another common wizard about the latest attack, and the other wizard will be open and honest with him. If an Auror were to ask the same wizard the same question, they would get a dishonest and chopped story, because the wizard would be too afraid of being incriminated."

"He's got a point," James remarked to Peter. "You'd probably get more information than I would-"

"That's because nobody likes to talk to you, Potter."

"This new order of wizards must remain a secret," Dumbledore warned. "All information must be transferred through a highly secured route. Fawkes the Phoenix has offered his services as a method of communication between members. Each one of you will be given a feather which you will be able to use whenever you need to communicate with someone else of the Order."

James started snickering and turned to Peter. "That'd be useful."

"How's that?" Peter whispered.

"I could send you guys feathers every time I wanted something-"

Lily snorted. "Leave it to you to abuse the privilege, Potter."

"This new Order of the Phoenix shall be the forefront of the battle against Lord Voldemort, so those who are not willing to lay their lives on the line, you may choose not to join without any fear of penalty. Now that we are the united response to the Death Eaters, they will not spare you as they have in times before."

"One can only hope," James threw a look Lily's way.

"Yes, miracles can happen," she sneered back.

"This is the only way," Dumbledore said, heavily. "The only way we can prevent more loss of innocent life. We must rise and meet them as one front, united and unwavering."

"United?" Lily snorted, looking at James.

"Fat chance," James returned.

"Can it, both of you," Sirius hissed from the next table over. James closed his mouth and sat back, sending death glares Lily's way, and she returned them with interest.

***

"This is effing ridiculous," Sirius grumbled over his glass of pumpkin juice. Everyone was milling around after the meeting had ended in a large feast, courtesy of the Hogwarts elves. James and Lily were still hidden under a giant storm cloud, with poor Peter in the middle, unable to leave.

"To be perfectly frank, that was quite the dumb idea," Remus cleared his throat.

"I know it was a dumb idea!" Sirius growled. "That was the point!"

Remus stared at him, confused.

"Look," Sirius leaned into talk to Remus quieter. "I took him out to show him that he couldn't find anything better than what he already had at home."

"And...what were you going to do when Lily found out that James had slept with another woman?" Remus asked, slowly.

"She wasn't supposed to find out..." Sirius cleared his throat. "And for the record, they didn't have sex."

"How do you know that?" Remus raised his eyebrow.

"Because she told me when I shagged her this morning," Sirius said, putting his hand to his chest and burping. "He'd been moaning about how much he loved his Lily that she didn't have the heart to go through with it."

"Wait a second," Remus said, turning around. "Back up....you shagged her?"

"Yeah," Sirius shrugged.

"What happened to Dorcas?"

"Oh...well...." he looked at the floor. "She doesn't know about them."

"Them?!"

"Well, her friend while James was busy in the bedroom and then the other girl, because she was pretty damn hot-"

"And you aren't telling Dorcas?"

"She doesn't need to know, Moony," Sirius shook his head. "Speaking of which...I think I'll see you later."

"You lead a very odd life, Padfoot," Remus chucked, as Sirius passed him to go meet up with Dorcas.

"Hi," came a voice to his right. Remus turned around and smiled.

"Hello Em," he said, turning to go sit down with her.

Back at the "happy" table, James and Lily were still sending hints to each other that they were not thrilled to be there. Peter was about to hex both of them, but figured that he might get into a bit of trouble if two Aurors ended up dead next to him.

However, he was spared momentarily from the bickering, because Marlene McKinnon held up a camera and got everyone's attention.

"Let's get a picture of everyone!"

"Because next week we could all be dead," Moody grumbled audibly.

Marlene levitated the camera in front of her and peered through the lens. "Smile everyone!"

James and Lily leaned in, arms around Peter, not knowing the other had done the same.

"Get your hands off me, Potter," Lily smiled through her wide smile.

"Fuck off, Evans," James grinned back.

SNAP!

15. Can't Help Falling in Love

16. Broken

17. Try

"All of the moments that have already passed
Try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be...that wonderful."
-Try, Nelly Furtado
Chapter Seventeen

"So did you hear? Remus Lupin and Lily Evans spent the night together!"

"Oh really? What did James say?"

"He was pissed, from what I heard."

"Why were they sleeping together anyways?"

"I heard it was because Lupin, you know he's a werewolf and all, it was because he was trying to kill her-"

"Lupin? A werewolf? Why's he still hired?"

"Ministry is short on good Aurors, and from what I've heard, he's pretty good."

"Assuming he isn't a spy."

"If I hear one more person..." Lily growled, sending death threats to the gossipers across the mess hall. She was tearing up little pieces of napkin while listening to every conversation that passed. Remus, who was going over a report and sipping coffee, put his hand over hers to calm her tearing and then removed it.

"It will pass, just like every other rumor. Remember the one about Moody and his fetish with lacy tea cozies?"

Lily snorted.

"You're just noticing it more because it's about you."

"How can you be so bloody calm!" she hissed. "People are saying things and-"

"Lily, people will be "saying things" about me for the rest of my life," he remarked, tiredly.

"But-"

"I know that it upsets you to hear them, but one of these days you'll have to understand that you cannot change the way everybody thinks." He turned the page.

Lily frowned and swept the scatter of napkins into a pile. "Still, I-"

"Drop it."

"Fine..."

It was impossible for Lily to drop, however, when Sirius came barging into Remus' office later that afternoon and yelling at him. She heard the loud voices and wandered down to his end to see what was the matter.

"I didn't sleep with her, Sirius," Remus sighed.

"Oh really?" Sirius said, sarcastically. "Then why the hell were you cuddling with her?"

"We were not cuddling, Black," Lily stormed in, before Remus could retort calmly. "And even if we were, it would be none of your business. You can tell Potter if he wants to dispute those facts, he can haul his prattish arse down here and talk to me himself!"

Remus groaned and put his hands over his face. He had always assumed that Sirius wouldn't jump to conclusions the way James had, but obviously any excuse to distrust Remus was taken without any consideration as to the merit of it.

Stop being cynical, Remus told himself.

"I'm just saying that Remus here has always had a fancy for you, Lily, and that it was quite disloyal of him to go after you when you had just broken up with James!"

"I went over to his house, get your facts straight!" Lily said, snarkily.

"Oh really, well, it's still his fault for consenting to it!"

Remus decided that it was just best for the two of them to duke it out and continue working silently. In fact, it was only when the Prewett twins came by to break them up did they quit yelling at each other.

***

"I think they're shagging," Sirius remarked, solidly, smothering a piece of bread with mustard. He was making a giant sandwich over at Peter's house, with said owner and James working on their own works of culinary art.

"Me too," Peter squeaked. "He's always fancied her, and she's always been so keen on him."

James picked up his firewhisky and drank it, going back to his sandwich. "It was only a matter of time."

"True," Sirius nodded, placing the final layer on his six layer sandwich.

James and Peter stared at him.

"Taking it light, are you?" James asked.

"Watching my figure," Sirius shrugged. "I'm not as spry as I used to be." And with that, he took a giant bite out of the monster.

"So Pete, how goes work at the bank?" James turned to him, changing the subject. "Dumbledore have any special jobs for you, now that you're in the Order with us?"

"Well," Peter squeaked. "I'm supposed to be the ambassador between the goblins and Dumbledore. He's been owling me near every day..."

"Who knew ouw Petey couwd be sow impowtant!" Sirius smiled, mouth still full of food.

"Proud of you, mate," James grinned, and then turned to Sirius. "Hey, Padfoot, did you hear anything about that Swedish minister coming for a tour next week?"

"Nope."

"Me neither," James snorted, bringing the firewhiskey to his lips.He stared at it, blinking for a second. "What's wrong with this firewhisky?"

"Erm....it's non-alcoholic," Peter whimpered.

Sirius stared at him. "What the hell is the point of firewhisky if it isn't alcoholic?!"

"Mum came by yesterday," Peter hung his head. "Found that in there and told me off for being a professional with liquor in the refrigerator. Then she charmed out all of the alcohol."

"Did she ground you too?" Sirius asked, incredulous. "Are you not twenty years old, mate?"

"Yes...but-"

James rolled his eyes. "If my mum-"

"Your mum isn't speaking to you right now," Sirius reminded him. "She's too busy catering to your ex-girlfriend."

James shrugged. "Dad says that she's concerned because Lily's all alone in that flat by herself and doesn't have a mother." He shifted uncomfortably. "Is it bad that I feel bad?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm not the one you need to be talking to right now. I'm biased because she's shagging one of our former friends."

"Former?" James blinked.

"If he's going to lie to us point blank just so we'll keep being his friends," Sirius shrugged.

"Why are you so gung ho against Remus all of a sudden?" James sat up a bit straighter. Peter shrunk back into himself, watching the exchange. "I mean, normally you'd be the one telling me that I'm jumping to conclusions and-"

Sirius sighed. "I.....have a problem trusting Remus. I always have."

"Not because he's a werewolf...?" James said, tilting his head to the side. "Padfoot, you aren't that-"

"I don't know, all right?" Sirius slammed his hand down on the table and Peter jumped. "I just don't trust him... Especially with all of this highly classified information leaking out into the public..."

"I cannot believe they got on board Marlene's boat," James sighed, putting his head in his hands. "She was always so careful with her whereabouts."

"I know," Sirius shook his head. "Horrible sight it was," he shivered. "They didn't even have any sort of....anything..."

"To think, Lily and I were on that very same boat not even a month ago..." James swallowed. "What if they'd gotten that information?"

Sirius snorted and looked out the window. "Well, they wouldn't have because Remus fancies Lily too much!"

James gave him a tired look.

"I'm kidding," Sirius backed off a bit.

Peter took a long drink of his non-alcoholic firewhisky.

***

James peered out his office door across the hall into Remus' office. He was working diligently, as always, listening to a jazz instrumental on the WWN. He would write for a while, in his tiny scrawl, and then sit back and look at the progress he'd made. Then he would finish with one page and start on a new one, barely pausing in between them.

Sighing, James twirled his chair around to look at the pile in front of his desk. Being an Auror sure was a lot of paper work. He then noticed a great deal of them were death reports and then decided that he wasn't in the mood to deal with dead people today.

Unfortunately, before he could go take his tenth coffee break (he was about on schedule) of the day, Moody caught up with him as he took his first step into the hallway.

"Where are you going, Potter?" he growled.

"Coffee break!" James piped happily.

"I've got a better job for you," Moody said, his eyebrow raising. "Go find your friend Black."

"What for?" James asked.

"We've had some reports that there's some dark activity at the Blackleaf Inn on Knockturn Alley-"

James snorted. "Really? What's next? Books being sold at Flourish and Blotts?"

"DON'T BE SNARKY POTTER!" Moody roared. James jumped, terrified.

"I want you and Black to go there and ask questions-"

"As if they're going to talk to us, Moody-"

"JUST DO IT!"

"Gah!" James jumped again. "Fine...." He turned to go and then turned back around. "Have you had too much coffee this morning or something?"

"GO!"

James took off running, the mad look in Moody's eye was threatening physical violence.

***

"So let me get this straight," Sirius said, putting his hand on the old, rotting door. "We're supposed to go into a bar in Knockturn Alley that our enemy frequents often and ask questions to people who won't talk to us about things that they're trying to keep from us?"

"Yeah, that's basically the gist of it..." James shrugged, wrapping his cloak around him tighter.

"And Moody asked this if us?" Sirius blinked.

"Yeah..." James nodded. "A bit strange if you ask me..."

"Very strange," Sirius agreed, opening the door.

The bar had been humming with some sort of quiet activity, but once they walked in the door, all the noise stopped and every head turned in their direction.

"This is going to be oh so fun!" Sirius hissed. James ignored him and walked up to the bar, sitting down and looking around. The heads in the darkness were still staring at him, with loathing and distrust. He saw a trollish looking man (or maybe it was a woman) in the corner, a pipe with a purple fume coming out of his mouth. Three shadows were turning their white eyes their way once every few minutes and then would return to their conversation, nodding a few times. The bartender was standing as far away from them as possible, but also staring at them, as if daring them to ask him something to drink. He was polishing a bottle that had a skull and crossbones on it menacingly.

"Do you think if I asked for a goblin water, he'd give me that poison?" Sirius whispered.

"Probably," James nodded. "Who's going to be the lucky guy?"

"I don't know, but those shadows look awfully familiar," Sirius squinted. "Am I crazy or are you getting a bad feeling too?"

"I've had a bad feeling," James looked around. "Moody doesn't hate us that much, does he?"

"I don't know, the screeching that you and Lily do at each other on an hourly basis is enough to drive anyone mad," Sirius gave him a pointed look. James snorted.

"Bloody redhead."

"Those two are moving," Sirius nodded. "Bloody fecking...I thought they looked familiar."

"Lestrange brothers," James sighed, reaching for his cloak where his wand was hidden. He looked to Sirius who was doing the same and the two of them turned around so that their backs were to the bar. The Lestrange brothers appeared into the dim light, smirking.

"Did you get lost, mates?" Rodolphus asked, easily. "Or have you decided to switch sides?"

"Routine question and answer session," Sirius said, just as easily. The smallest of looks that the Lestrange brothers gave each other was enough to tip the two Aurors off.

"Oh really?" Rabastian said, eyeing them. "Well, ask your questions, we'll give you answers."

"I know one you can answer," James said, keeping his hand on his wand. "Go look in the mirror and find us two slimy Death Eaters."

"That's a pretty serious charge," Rodolphus shook his head. "Especially in this part of town. You don't want people to think we're angels or something."

"You?" Sirius snorted. "A saint?"

"Good and evil are in the eye of the beholder," Rabastian sneered.

"Or in the eye of the man in charge," Rodolphus said. "And we all know who that will be quite soon."

"You could say he's already there," Rabastian smirked. "He's picking you off one by one, McKinnon first, you next..."

James brandished his wand, angrily. Sirius had done the same.

"I think you'll find a bit of trouble with that plan," Sirius snarled. "James and I don't lay down and die like you want us to."

"Oh, Sirius," Rodolphus said, a gleam of mad happiness in his eye. "Regulus sends his regards. He will be leaving school at the end of the term to join us."

James was quick to put his hand on Sirius' arm to calm him; the other man was about to curse the gleam out of Rodolphus' eye.

"We'll see about that," Sirius said, apparently doing his best to stay calm.

"Is that all you can say?" Rabastian tutted. "I suppose it won't matter much in the end. You'll be dead in five minutes."

"I do believe that we are on equal footing," James said. "Two against two, don't you think?"

"James," Sirius said, seeing the third shadow move out of the corner of his eye.

But before that shadow could start the first word out of his mouth, the lights from outside came spilling in and a loud �STUPIFY!' rang from the steps. Remus came running in, wand raised, looking around.

If James and Sirius thought they were going to get a fight, they were wrong. Rodolphus and Rabastian seemed more keen on keeping the identity of the third person a secret than doing any sort of arm to James or Sirius. They rushed over to help the shadow up, and then disappeared.

"Thanks mate," James said, feeling a bit sheepish. "How'd....how'd you know?"

Remus finished his survey of the bar; everyone was ignoring them now. Then he turned to James and Sirius and gave them a half-smile.

"After �Moody' finished screaming at you, the real Moody walked by, complaining of hip pain," Remus said. "So I came over here as soon as I could to make sure everything was all right."

"Erm...thanks..." Sirius grumbled.

"Look," Remus rolled his eyes. "I have not nor will I ever shag Lily. If you want to know, she came over the other night because she was horribly upset over Marlene's funeral and spent half the night talking about how much she missed you, James."

James blinked. "...oh."

Remus folded his arms in front of him. "And furthermore, before you came barging in, she was about to go over and find you to apologize and to get you to marry her."

"Now, don't you feel stupid?" Sirius turned to him.

Remus gave him a pointed look. But weren't you saying the EXACT same thing?

"A bit..." James rubbed the back of his hair. "Sorry mate."

"It's all right," Remus nodded. "Let's get out of here, though, hm?"

"Not a word to Moody?" James said, cautiously.

"Not a word of what?" Remus said, innocently.

"That was some serious knight in shining armor, though," Sirius sniggered as they walked out. "Pity you didn't ride in here on a white steed, that would have made my day."

"You weren't up in a tower though," Remus said, seriously.

"And Prongs needed to be singing sweet lovelies," Sirius jabbed him with his elbow.

"I'll have you know, I have a lovely singing voice..."

18. The Sign

19. The Ghost of You and Me

SGR's Note: This chapter breaks into R terrritory, be warned

One more point of interest: there actually is a H�kan Wilhemmson. He's an underwear model in the Swedish Magazine Solo, in the July 2004 issue. Many thanks to Tove for bringing that entertaining magazine all the way from Sweden.

"I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me."
-The Ghost of You and Me, BBMak

Chapter Nineteen

All in all, Lily thought it had been a very odd week.

It had all started when this blonde man with a perfect white smile had walked into her life. She wasn't expecting to find such a...whatever he was...in such a short period of time. She wasn't sure if she fancied him or not, nor was she used to fancying someone at first site.

However, seeing the look on James face when she walked by with him was enough for her to go along with it willingly.

He was the complete polar opposite of James. Where James was crude and uncultured, H�kan was the epitome of class. He had taken her to see a play the night before, something, if Lily had suggested it, James would have fallen asleep during. H�kan had also taken her to some art museums, and had been very knowledgeable on most pieces. James probably would have whined about how boring it was and made crude comments about the paintings with the naked women in them.

Then again, H�kan didn't have the ability to make her laugh the way James did...but enough about that.

She made sure that James knew that they were going to one of the fancier restaurants, and that they were going on an honest to goodness date. She was satisfied to see him find out (through Remus) and watch him flip out. It was amusing, to say the least.

Needless to say, she hadn't been surprised when James had shown up at her door about fifteen minutes before H�kan was scheduled to pick her up. In fact, the entire day, she had been waiting for him to show up and protest the entire thing.

What she wasn't expecting was what he said.

She opened the door, expecting it to be H�kan, and resisted the urge to smirk knowingly when she saw who it was.

"Hi," she said, leaning against the door.

"You look nice," James said, quietly. "New robe?"

Lily nodded. "H�kan took me shopping yesterday."

"Oh," James muttered. "C-Can I come in?"

As much as Lily didn't want to let him, she opened the door wider and allowed him entry. He took a moment to look around her flat and gave her an approving smile. He noticed most of the stuff in here was once in his own barren flat, but he made no mention of it.

"Yes?" Lily asked, impatiently.

"Let's sit down," James said.

"Tell me why you're here."

"We need to talk about...us..." James said, sitting down on a sofa that once belonged to him.

"I was under the impression that there was nothing to talk about," Lily said, looking down at her hands.

"I think...that we need some closure-"

"James, I'm dating other people, I don't-what?!" Lily blinked. "Closure?!"

"Yes," James nodded.

Lily sunk down into her seat. "Closure, James? As in, you admit that we're over?"

"Even I've got to admit that it would be pointless for me to be jealous over every guy that you happen to date..." James sighed. "So...I just want to end it, completely."

"James.... I.... that's very mature of you," Lily smiled. "Did you just think of this or-"

"I've been thinking all week...if we really are over, why am I so jealous?"

Lily chuckled a little.

"And I just need to break the habit of...well...loving you I guess."

Lily nodded. "If we really aren't made for each other."

"Yes," James said. "So...I want you to have fun tonight," he smiled, half-heartedly. "And take a coat when you go to Sweden."

Lily laughed, sadly. "I'm not going to Sweden."

There was a knock at the door.

"That's H�kan," Lily said, quietly.

"I'll go then."

"Right," Lily said, standing up at the same time he did. They stood there for a minute, staring at each other, and then James leaned in to gently kiss her on the cheek, chastely, and at the same time, aching.

"Bye," he whispered.

"Bye," she whispered back. With a pop, he Disapparated. Lily took a few seconds to compose herself after that oddly emotional encounter, and then walked to the door to answer it, because the knocking had become more impatient.

"I was afraid you weren't here," H�kan smiled, extending the bouquet of flowers in his hand towards her.

"I'm here, I was just...taking care of some business," she smiled. "So, shall we?"

"Yes, of course," he took her arm in his.

***

Maybe James was feeling closure from their little talk, but it had sent spirals of thoughts through Lily's mind throughout the date. H�kan kept asking what was the matter, because their conversations, usually so animated and lively, had regressed into one-sided questions with one- word answers from Lily.

Of course, when H�kan asked "So, tell me, what's on your mind tonight?"

Lily answered, "Yes." Then he knew something was up.

"Lily," he reached across the table to take her hand in his. "Something's troubling you, isn't it?"

"N-No..." Lily shook her head, squeezing his hand. "Just....lots of thoughts tonight."

"Thoughts? Thoughts about what?" he asked, turning over her hand to draw patterns on it.

"Just...thoughts," Lily resisted the urge to remove her hand. She had been fine with him for the past week, why was she now becoming more averse to him? Her and James had agreed to a closure, not to rekindle the dead flame.

As difficult as it was to tear her thoughts away from her past, she decided that it was time to focus on the present, and H�kan, because it was quite rude of her to be so reserved.

"So, where are we going after dinner?" Lily began, conversationally.

"I thought...perhaps..." he played with her hand some more, as if trying to delay the severity of the answer. "That I could show you the lavish hotel that your ministry has been so kind to supply us."

"Oh," Lily felt a blush come to her face. She'd never done this sort of a date before. With James, they were...well...different. But after all, she was an adult woman, and she was perfectly capable of doing that sort of thing....

H�kan was still awaiting her answer.

Lily cleared her throat and licked her lips, steeling her reserve. "That sounds lovely."

***

"Lavish hotel" turned out to be one of the finest wizard hotels around London. H�kan seemed very self-important indeed when he walked into the lobby with Lily on his arm. The concierges all nodded to him, and he nodded back, a very pompous act that made Lily a bit embarrassed to be with him, to tell the truth.

But she grin and bore it, and soon the lift doors were closing behind them. H�kan was still reveling in his importance of being known by all of the concierges, and made a comment as they passed the first floor.

"So, tell me, what do you think?" he asked.

"It's very beautiful," Lily nodded, running her hand along the lift side, which was encrusted in gold.

"You're very beautiful," H�kan said, smoothly. He leaned against the wall that she was playing with and took her hand in his, kissing her fingertips lightly.

Unfortunately, when Lily looked up to see him in the eye, she found hazel eyes instead of blue. Blinking once more, the blue eyes returned and were much closer than she originally thought. Before she could think of anything else, soft lips were pressed against hers and then a tongue was running along her closed lips.

Afraid that she'd see the hazel eyes instead of the blue again, Lily snapped her eyes shut and giggled a little bit. "Close your mouth," she ordered, pausing a bit. Deep laughter and then chaste kisses, and yet not so chaste. Strong arms that were unfamiliar, but at the same time, very familiar encircled her and rubbed up and down her body.

The lift stopped moving and the doors open. Lily opened her eyes, and was startled to see H�kan looking down at her. She was so sure for a minute there that...

Without saying anything, H�kan took her hand and lead her down the plush hallway. Lily was still a bit unnerved; she was so sure she was in someone else's arms. H�kan seemed not to notice her amazement, or was attributing it to something else.

Once they reached his room, he tugged her in front of him so he could watch her while he unlocked his door. He placed another not-so-chaste kiss on her lips and she let out a sigh, trying to keep her mind from thinking that she was in someone else's arms.

The door gave way behind her and she realized that she had been leaning heavily on it, because she nearly fell over. If it wasn't for Ja-H�kan, she would have fallen completely.

"I've got you," he whispered into her ear, nipping at it. Lily wrapped her arms tighter around him and he carried her through the hotel room. Her eyes were still snapped shut, so she had no idea where she was going until she felt herself laid out on satin bed sheets.

Her eyes opened and she could see blue eyes reflecting the moonlight from the open window looking down at her, just before they shut again and soft lips pressed against her own. In the darkness, Lily felt her jaw lax and her lips open up so that they could kiss deeper.

Coldness swept up from her calves and she became aware that he was pulling her robe up her legs. He paused for a minute to push her up the bed so that her legs were no longer dangling off the side of the bed.

Somehow, he had also pushed her robe up past her hips so that it was bunched around her waist. His hands ran down the length of her leg and then back up to push the robe up further. He pulled her so that she was on top of him so that he could easier pull the dress over her head.

She dared a quick look down and saw messy hair in the darkness of the room. His eyes opened for a second and she saw herself reflected in the hazel of the eyes. She leaned down to kiss him gently, and he pushed her back onto her back, taking control again.

Apparently, the fact that she had kissed him willingly had given him permission to be more daring with the way he touched her. She went so far as to tell him that he didn't need to ask, because she trusted him so much.

"How does this feel?" he breathed.

She nodded.

"And this...?"

She nodded again, more fervently. He was panting in the darkness, as if he was still hesitating in breaking the final barriers between them. He pressed his lips to hers, asking silently for permission.

"Please, James-"

"What did you just say?!"

The light flicked on.

Lily's eyes snapped open and she sat up. H�kan was wearing some sort of black underwear that Lily couldn't decipher what it was, and she was still wearing her undergarments.

"I said, what did you just say?" H�kan demanded, looking quite put out.

"Erm..." Lily blushed. "I don't remember, what did I just say?"

"You just called me James," he frowned.

Lily winced. "Did I?"

"Yes."

Lily sat up, and the words came bubbling out. "I'm so sorry, he's my ex and-"

"You just....!" H�kan exclaimed, madly. He got up off the bed and was pacing around the hotel room muttering in Swedish. Lily got a good look at his black underwear and she was shocked. It was a black elastic piece that stretched all the way around his hips, and had two smaller pieces that formed a triangle on his bum. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing, he looked so ridiculous.

"I'm sorry," Lily said, finally, sliding off the bed. "He came over before you did, and-"

"So, is this how you do it in England?" H�kan asked, wildly.

"No, it's not," Lily said, sitting up a bit, and grabbing for her robe; she didn't feel comfortable now that she knew the man in front of her was H�kan and not James. "He and I wanted closure to our relationship, that's all-"

"Och jag som t�nkte be dig komma till Sverige i sommar!" he exclaimed.

"I really do apologize," Lily said, slowly putting on her robe. "I...he....he was my only boyfriend, and I'm afraid I was quite attached to him."

"Jag tycker att du borde g�," H�kan said, pointing towards the door.

"Excuse me?" Lily said, quietly.

"Go!" H�kan said, pointing again. "Just go."

"I'm sorry," Lily muttered, grabbing her shoes and walking out of the hotel room, incredibly embarrassed.

20. Sweet Surrender

"I've crossed the last line
from where I can't return
where every step I took in faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home"
-Sweet Surrender, Sarah McLaughlin

Chapter Twenty

James jumped a little bit on the balls of his heels, trying to garner the nerve to knock on Lily's office door. He had heard through the grapevine that H�kan had decided to cut his stay early, and had hiked back to Sweden with his minister. However, no news on how Lily's date with him went.

So here he was, and here he'd been for the past five minutes. He raised his hand to knock on her door, but then retracted it. He bounced some more and raised his hand, then retracted it once more.

Finally telling himself that he was either going to knock and find out or walk away and wonder, he raised his hand to knock, but the door moved.

Lily looked up at him, startled to see him standing there. "H-Hi..."

"Hi..." James said, smiling.

After a few minutes of silence, Lily prompted, "What's on your mind?"

"Oh! I wanted to know how your date went," James said, finally, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"Oh..." Lily said, not looking at him. No matter if they were �over,' she could never lie to him while looking at him. "Went fine, I guess."

"Are you going to go on another date?" James asked.

"Probably....not..." Lily shrugged, looking up at him. "Didn't really work out that well, I suppose."

"Oh," James nodded, looking down and trying not to look too happy. "Why not?"

Because I bloody moaned your name when I was shagging him! Lily thought, but she just shrugged. "Just one of those things, you know?"

James nodded. "Where're you headed?"

"Coffee break," Lily nodded. Because I was up all night thinking of you, bloody idiot.

"Care if I join you?" James offered.

Yes. "Not at all."

They walked in relative silence for a bit until they passed Sirius' empty office. James paused for a minute to look inside.

"He hasn't been in all day," James wondered. "That I've seen."

"I haven't seen him either," Lily shook her head. "Is he sick?"

"No, he would have come in anyways," James thought aloud. He walked into the office and snooped around. "He came by for coffee this morning, and..." He stopped when he saw an open letter.

"What?" Lily asked, walking inside.

"This explains it," James showed her. "He's gone to meet Regulus."

"Regulus...who's that?" Lily asked.

"His younger brother who apparently is leaving school to become a Death Eater."

***

<

Sirius never doubted that Regulus would want to show up at the Hogs Head. He knew that he would want to come either because of the chance to get inebriated underage for free, or, by some miracle, because he actually missed Sirius, and he wanted to discuss his choice of a future profession.

He only doubted his brother's craftiness of getting out of the castle.

Which was why his faith in his gene pool was restored when Regulus came slinking into the Hog's Head, as if he wasn't supposed to be there at all. Sirius rolled his eyes and motioned for him to come sit with him at the bar.

"Get over here before you attract any more attention," he grumbled.

Regulus stepped up to the bar, sitting erect on a barstool, and looking around as if Filch was going to jump out any minute to grab him by the throat and drag him off to detention.

"In the first place, I got Dumbledore's permission for you to be out of school," Sirius said, grabbing him by the shoulder, and forcing him to slump over. "So stop looking like an Erumpent in the middle of mating season."

Regulus, not used to slumping over, adjusted himself accordingly and looked over to Sirius, speaking for the first time, "So...where's my firewhisky?"

"Spoken like a true brother of mine," Sirius chuckled and slammed his fist down on the table. A giant bottle of firewhisky and two small glasses appeared by his hand. Sirius opened the bottle and poured Regulus a cup.

"So," Sirius said, after watching his brother down the cup in one gulp (and have a horrid reaction to it). "Wanna tell me why you decided to become one?"

Regulus snorted and tapped his cup against the bottle, asking Sirius to pour him more.

"Dad and Mum mostly. Well, mostly Mum, I guess...and Dad..." Regulus shook his head.

"But why are you leaving school?" Sirius asked, watching him interested.

"They're making up for lost time," Regulus winced when he finished off his glass. Sirius didn't wait before pouring him more. "You know, with you leaving and all...and becoming an Auror..."

"So they want you to quit school so that you can be me?" Sirius quirked his eyebrow.

"Yes, and they don't think that I really need my final year anyways," Regulus brought the cup to his lips. "Father said that I'd learn more useful things being a D-...one of them...." He shook his head and put down the cup. Sirius put his own cup to his lips, but didn't drink.

"It's all right, nobody's listening," he smirked. Regulus was too interested in drinking the firewhisky to question further.

"So...what all have you done?"

"Nothing yet," Regulus sighed. "It's mostly Rabastain's doing...he's the one who brought my name up."

"Why'd he do that?"

Regulus shrugged. "Probably Mum talked with Auntie and Auntie talked with his mum about dropping her name. We're related to them somehow..."

"Bella's married to his brother," Sirius filled in the blank for him. "Or so we think."

"They did get married, now I remember," Regulus nodded. "I went to the wedding."

"They had an actual marriage?" Sirius blanched.

Regulus nodded. "It was a big deal among the pure-blooded families. Though there was a lot of money that exchanged hands to keep it hush-hush."

"Apparently," Sirius snorted.

"There's a lot of money that switches hands to keep a lot of things quiet," Regulus thought aloud. "Like, a few weeks ago, there was an Auror that was killed on her boat. I don't know how the information about the boat got to him, but Rodolphus paid off the dockmaster and several other people to hide them up on the boat."

Sirius said nothing, but poured himself a little bit of firewhisky.

"I've heard that they're going to start going after Aurors themselves, now that they've got that Order of the Puffskien or whatever it's called."

Sirius resisted snorting, because it would make the firewhisky come up into his nose.

"You aren't a part of that, are you?" Regulus looked over as Sirius poured him another glass.

"No, no, of course not," Sirius shook his head.

"Good, �cause I'd hate to think that you'd be apart of something that I'd someday probably have to kill..."

"Yes, that wouldn't be good would it. Drink up, drink up," Sirius said, pouring his firewhisky to the top of the glass.

"Stuff tastes like shit."

"Yes, drink, drink," Sirius nodded. "Anything else about the money that's keeping everything quiet?"

"They've got a spy," Regulus said, suddenly. "In your ranks. I don't know who he is, nobody does...he's just gotten us a lot of information."

"You don't know anything more about him?"

"I know he's big and scary and has red eyes and a white face-"

"No, not Voldemort, you wanker, the spy!"

"Oh...no, nothing really. I've not gone to a meeting yet...I don't even have my mark yet..."

"When will you get it?" Sirius asked, conversationally.

"End o'school," Regulus muttered. "Rabastian says that it doesn't hurt, but I think he's full of shit, personally."

"Yes, well, we all do," Sirius said. "Drink more, drink more."

"There's none left," Regulus observed, looking into the bottle from the head.

"Oh, well...more firewhisky!"

"Don't you think that you've done enough damage, Black?" came a snarling voice from behind them.

Sirius turned around, and to his dismay, he found Severus Snape glowering at him.

"Drunk, much, Snivellus? This is the second time you've interrupted my private conversations at a bar."

Snape was holding a piece of parchment in his hand, which was telling him that something of interest would be at the Hog's Head. He was surprised to find the two brothers there, and even more surprised (and very pleased) to find Sirius doing something quite evil indeed.

"Go get somewhere else greasy, git-face."

"I wouldn't have thought that you would be that low as to pump your own brother for information," Snape growled. "That's low even for you."

"Is it now?" Sirius stood up and lazily turned around to face Snape. It was just starting to sink in what he'd been doing was pumping his brother for information. But he wasn't about to let Snivellus know that what he had said bothered him. "Too bad it's none of your business."

"I think it is, seeing as how your brother and I belong to the same side," Snape growled. "And I don't think that the Dark Lord would appreciate some foolish teenager telling all of his secrets."

Sirius' eyes narrowed. He wouldn't put it past Snape to skettle over to the Dark Lord and tattle- tale on Regulus. But that would also mean that Regulus would be killed for his treachery. All sorts of nasty possibilities were falling into place in Sirius' mind.

"Of course, should I kill you right here, the Dark Lord need not know that any of this had occurred," Sirius brandished his wand.

"To save his skin, or save your own?" Snape gestured down to Regulus whose head was bobbing up and down at the bar. "I wouldn't want to be my brother's killer."

Sirius' eyes narrowed dangerously. "I will not be my brother's killer." Snape looked as if his birthday had come early.

"So...this is interesting..."

"What is interesting?!" Sirius said, a bit more frantic than he meant it to sound. His attention was taken when Regulus fell off the bar in a drunken stupor, and landed on the floor. Sirius turned to help him onto his stomach, so he didn't choke.

He paused when he heard Snape chuckling.

"Funny, is it?" Sirius asked, dangerously.

"Immensely. I so enjoy seeing those who believe that they are high and mighty thrown off of their pedestal."

"Only because you're too slimy to get up on there yourself," Sirius shot back, checking Regulus over before he stood up again.

"Sticks and stones, Black, but guilt will always rack you," Snape taunted.

Finally tired of listening to Snape tell the truth, Sirius whipped out his wand to hex him into eternity, but Snape had disappeared. Now that he was gone, Sirius took a minute to clear his thoughts of the jaunting words of that �greasy bastard.'

He lifted Regulus up and put his arm around his shoulder and threw down a few galleons for the bottle of firewhisky before walking to the door.

On the way towards the Hogwarts castle, Sirius' mind was replaying everything that had happened in the past thirty minutes. How he had relentlessly pumped his own brother for information. He was starting to feel sick himself, and he was sure it wasn't the firewhiskey.

The sheer possibilities of what could happen were terrifying Sirius more than anything. What if Snape was good on his word and went to the Dark Lord? What if he sent people out to kill Regulus? If anything happened to him, it would have been Sirius' fault.

And to think, he brought him out here to try to dissuade him from becoming a Death Eater. Well, so much for that plan.

After dragging Regulus up the hillside, and up the front stairs, he hoped that everyone would be in class when they walked through the castle to the hospital wing, for he didn't want to answer any questions.

Once they were inside, he only encountered one person.

"�lo Dumbledore," Sirius said, quietly.

"Hello Sirius," he said, eyes slightly twinkling. "I take it your brother enjoyed your-erm- �alternate methods'?"

"Yeah, he did," Sirius nodded.

"Apparently, your methods of persuasion were a bit too much," Dumbledore nodded to Regulus' head, which was lolling about like a doll.

"Yeah," Sirius cleared his throat. "Can I put him in the hospital wing until he wakes up?"

"Certainly," Dumbledore said. "I shall accompany you."

"Thanks," Sirius muttered.

"Did you accomplish what you set out to do?"

"Worse."

"Ah, I see..."

"I'm..." Sirius started. "I did something very stupid, and I'm wondering if it will have...bad consequences."

"I see," Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling slightly.

Sirius grunted, and shifted his brother on his shoulder, wondering when the walk to the hospital wing had gotten so long.

"From all of my years, I do know one thing," Dumbledore said, when they had finally reached the door. "One cannot foresee all ends from where he stands right now."

"Yes, but it's the ends I can see that make me worried," Sirius muttered, walking past him. Dumbledore continued to watch him, eyes still twinkling.

21. Chocolate

"What have I done? It's too late for that
What have I become? Truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time."
-Chocolate, Snow Patrol
Chapter Twenty-One

James opened the door to Sirius' office, peering inside timidly. Since returning from his meeting with his brother, Sirius had said absolutely nothing to anyone, and had spent his time staring off into space. He had written several letters and every single owl that he had sent off had come back with the letter unopened.

Sirius didn't look up when James opened the door, so James opened it further and walked in anyways. "Hey mate."

"�lo," Sirius responded.

"Want to tell me what happened?" James offered.

Sirius sighed and looked out the window. "Nothing except that everything my parents thought about me was true."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" James smiled. "They're a bunch of dudders-"

"No, Prongs, the part about me being a reckless, selfish idiot," Sirius growled.

"You aren't-"

"What sort of a bloke gets his younger brother smashed and pumps him for information?" Sirius asked him.

James blinked at him. "What?"

"I had every intention of getting Regulus tipsy so the idiot would listen to me," Sirius shook his head. "But.....then he started talking about things that....well....I frankly didn't expect him to be a part of...and so I kept telling him to drink up."

"Well, that's all right-"

"No!" Sirius stood up, angrily. "I used my kid brother! No matter if I hate my parents...he doesn't deserve that."

"Padfoot, it's all right-"

"No, it's not!" Sirius said, going to the window, a note of panic in his voice. "Snape found out."

"Snivellus?" James blinked. "The hell was he doing there?"

"Molesting goblins, hell I don't know!" Sirius exclaimed. "The point is, he's....he could go to Voldemort and tell him that Regulus was telling me information.... and he could kill Reg."

"He can't touch him while Regulus is in school," James shook his head. "This could be a good thing, you know, if Regulus is a traitor, he can't join the Death Eaters and-"

"Regulus won't let a little thing like talking to be stop him from making my parents proud of him," Sirius said, disgusted. "And what's worse....Snape was right."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I think you just said an oxymoron-"

"No, Prongs, he was!" Sirius said, putting his head against the charmed window. "If Regulus is killed, it's my fault."

James stood up to join him by the window. "Padfoot..."

"Why, James?" Sirius said, looking moodily at the fake landscape in front of him. "Why couldn't I stop myself?"

"What did he say?"

Sirius closed his eyes. "He said that there was a lot of money exchanging hands to keep things quiet. He said that every single pure-blood family that was on Voldemort's side attended the wedding of Bellatrix and Rodolphus, and that it was kept quiet because of a lot of money. He said that Marlene was killed because of an exchange of money between the Death Eaters and the dock handlers."

James shook his head, unable to comment on that.

"He also said that there was a spy in our ranks, very close up. That's how they knew that Marlene was going on the boat, because of the spy. He says that nobody knows exactly who it is, though," Sirius closed his eyes disgusted. "I made him pass out, Prongs. He's my brother."

"It was....an accident....?" James tried.

"No, I knew what I was doing," Sirius opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. "Which is why what I did was even worse. I treated him like some sort of common.....he's my brother."

"You need to get out of here," James said. "Go take a walk, or something. Get your mind off of it."

"I'm waiting for my letter," Sirius said, looking out his door. "I keep sending it, hoping that he'll open it."

As he said it, the owl came fluttering back in, dropping the unopened letter onto his desk.

"Go on," James pushed at him. "Get out of here. Get some fresh air.

Sirius grabbed the owl and attached the letter to its leg. But the owl, frustrated with flying back and forth with the same letter, pecked at him and flew out the door, dropping the letter into the trash can on the way out.

"Can I borrow your owl?" Sirius said, looking to James.

"Mate, give him a few days to cool down," James said, picking up the letter out of the trashcan. "Then you can try again." He came back and pushed Sirius a little bit. "Come along then, I'll go with you, and we'll go get a drink-"

"Merr!"

"Er....we'll go for a walk, then," James corrected himself.

***

"Hey James! Hey, hey Sirius!"

The two of them stopped their aimless trek across the town, and turned around to see one of the Prewett twins fighting his way through the crowd to get to them.

"Hey, mate, didn't you hear me?" the twin said.

"No, sorry," James said. Sirius opened his mouth to ask, but the twin cut him off.

"Gideon," he answered with a wry smile.

"Ah," Sirius said, slowly.

"Look, I just wanted to ask you to tell Moody that Fabian and I weren't going to be around for a while. Molly just went into labor, and we've got kid duty in the waiting room. I left Fabian all alone with three kids-"

"Three kids, you say?" Sirius said, getting an idea.

"Yes, soon to be five-"

"Why don't I come with you to help out?" Sirius asked. "I have a lot on my mind."

"But-" James eyes widened.

"Don't be a pussy, Prongs, it's just kids," Sirius muttered. "Let's go then, hm?"

"Oh...all right...are you sure?" Gideon said. "They're a handful."

Sirius shrugged. "It's no problem."

James whined.

"Well, thanks..." Gideon said. "So, what's bugging you so much that you'd want to babysit three kids."

"Oh, you know," Sirius said, sarcastically nonchalant. "I'm just a fucking idiot-" Sirius announced as they walked into St. Mungo's. He didn't even notice the affronted looks or the mothers putting their hands over the ears of their children with trunks and duck feet.

"Ah, I see."

"I was...." Sirius sighed. "I don't know."

"Here we are," Gideon said, just as a loud crash echoed from within. James made another sound of protest, and hopped from one foot to the other. Gideon cracked the door and peered in, making sure that no children were within hitting range of the door.

"What's going on in there?" Sirius asked, amazed.

"Erm....their other uncle, Bilius, decided it would be a good idea to feed them a bit of chocolate for being so patient. Then the berk left us," Gideon grumbled and jumped when something slammed against the door. James was the only one to jump.

"Give Uncle Fabian back his wand, Charlie- OW!"

"Uncle Fabian is pur-ple!"

"On the count of three, we're going to run inside," Gideon said to James and Sirius. "Because if the door is left open, one of them will run out. Got it?"

"Yes," Sirius said, nodding.

"All right..." James muttered.

"One....two....THREE!" Gideon said, swinging open the door and jumping inside. Sirius and James hopped in just as quick, and sure enough, one of the little red-headed terrors was headed straight for the open door, but Gideon slammed the door before he could get to it.

"Where have you BEEN!?" Fabian, who was, indeed, purple, bellowed.

"I found help," Gideon said, holding his arms ready to catch one of the red-headed children who was waving around Fabian's wand. Unfortunately, every time the child waved the wand, he would turn something in the room into something else.

This became a problem when the chair became a loud barking dog.

"Are they crazy?" Fabian asked, staring wildly at Sirius, who expertly turned the dog back into a chair. Gideon shrugged and brandished his wand to turn the rest of the zoo back into waiting room furniture.

"It's all right, James, you can peel yourself off of the wall," Sirius grumbled at him. At the first, James had planted himself against the wall so as to not draw attention to himself.

"I-If you say so..." James said.

"Sit down, you bloody berk," Sirius rolled his eyes and plopping down on the floor. James hesitantly joined him and then noticed that Gideon and Fabian had left them behind.

"Hey! Where'd they go!" James said, whining.

"Probably to get some coffee," Sirius said, stretching a bit. "They've probably been dealing with these brats for hours."

"Chicken shit!" chanted one of the said "brats" as he ran a circle around James.

"Ah, I remember you," Sirius growled, grabbing him in his tracks and throwing him over his shoulder. The other two were alerted by the giggling and squealing of the child and ran over to jump on top of Sirius as well.

James watched in fascination as all of the chaos in the room was concentrated in one area, on top of Sirius. And even though he had three kids climbing on top of him, he somehow seemed to be managing the situation perfectly.

"How'd you get so good with kids?" James asked.

"Cousins," Sirius snorted. "And Reggie I guess..."

"He's not so much younger than you are, though-?" James asked.

"Well, you see....I was the only fun cousin that the ickle ones had to play with," Sirius said, expertly keeping all three kids on his back at once. "Nobody else would get on the floor and wrestle during family functions."

"I'm sure," James chuckled. "I'd imagine your parents weren't too pleased."

"I think by that time they'd given up trying to make me behave," Sirius sniggered. "After I got sorted, everyone just pretended I didn't exist. I only came to the functions to piss them off."

"Little blokes getting tired...." James cooed when the youngest yawned.

"Let �em fall to sleep on their own," Sirius sat up, shaking his messy hair back into place.

"I've always wondered, Padfoot," James said, cautiously, as if he knew that the subject was painful for Sirius. "What made you decide?"

"To do what?" Sirius asked, watching the second youngest fall to exhaustion.

"Decide to not be a Death Eater-sort of person," James shrugged.

Sirius shrugged. "It never appealed to me in the first place. I didn't think that I was better than anyone else, personally. So it made no sense to think that just because I was born a certain way that I was better than anyone else."

"Is that why you think the Sorting Hat put you in Gryffindor?" James said.

"Possibly. Or possibly because I refused to be in the same house as Snivellus."

James choked on air and started laughing. "You told the Sorting Hat that you didn't want to be in the same house as Snape and it listened to you?!"

Sirius nodded smugly. "Stupid git had been a bane on my existence for eleven years, and I told the Sorting Hat that he wouldn't live to see his seventh year if we were forced to live together."

James stared at him, awestruck. "And here I thought that you'd been noble and told the Hat that you disagreed with everything that Slytherins stand for and that you wanted to be good!"

"Well, I told it that too, but I think the fact that I threatened to come find it with a pair of scissors if it put me in the same room with Snivelly might have helped...." He pulled the final kid off of his back and placed him next to his brothers. "We can't all be descendants of Godric Gryffindor, you know," he winked.

"Yes well," James snorted. Before he could retaliate further, the door opened again and Gideon and Fabian came back in with giant cups of coffee. They stopped short when they saw the scene at hand. During their conversation, all three kids were lying down and asleep.

"Stunning spells?"

"Sleeping charms?"

"Child skills," Sirius answered, grinning.

"How's your sister?" James asked.

"Still in labor," Fabian answered, sitting down in a chair and putting his hand to his head.

"How much longer?" James asked.

"A lot longer," Gideon grumbled. "It took her eight hours to get her first kid out, and from then the time's just increased with each one. I'd say we're looking at early tomorrow morning."

Sirius peered at his watch and let out a laugh. "They'd be born on April Fool's Day, you know? I'd kill to be born on April Fool's day."

"Why?" James asked.

"Because, I could tell everyone that it was my birthday and then tell them to do this big giant elaborate party for me, and in the middle of it, right as they are about to cut the ten-layer chocolate cake with fudge icing, and after I've opened all of my presents, of course, I would tell them �Nope! Sorry! April Fool's Day!' and then take the cake and my presents before anyone could hurt me. Then, the next day, I would be all upset at everyone for not knowing that my birthday was on April first."

James raised his eyebrows. "You've had a lot of time to think about this, haven't you?"

Sirius shrugged. "No, not really."

Boom.

"The hell was that?" James said, grabbing at a chair nearest him as the earth shook beneath him.

"Earthquake in London?" Gideon asked, also bracing himself.

Boom.

"Impossible," Sirius shook his head and stood up. He paused to look at the children who were still sleeping. "They'll be all right in here."

Boom.

"For the moment, at least," Fabian said, pulling out his wand. The four of them decided to not use the lift and hoof it down the stairs. When they reached the bottom floor of St. Mungo's, they knew that they were definitely needed, because people were walking in with serious injuries.

Injuries like their heads bashed in.

Ignoring them for the moment, the Aurors pushed their way through the stream of hysterical people into the street.

"Sweet Mother of Merlin....." James said, his eyes traveling upwards, and growing wider by the second.

22. Tourniquet

"I lay dying
And I'm pouring
Crimson regret, and betrayal."
-Tourniquet, Evanescence
Chapter Twenty-Two

"Sweet Mother of Merlin....." James said, his eyes traveling upwards, and growing wider by the second.

Giants. No less than twenty giants. All of them, pounding with their giant clubs into the buildings surrounding St. Mungo's. Not only that, but a large army of an assortment of dark creatures, who were crawling in and out of buildings, reeking havoc whomever they could get their hands on. If one thought that this attack was completely random, the five Death Eaters instructing all the creatures put that thought to rest.

"Are they all creatures?" Fabian asked. "We could blast them all with one shot!" He brandished his wand and aimed for one group of dark creatures. James was quick to grab his arm and pull him away.

"You can't just exterminate them as if they're pests!" he said, shaking his head.

"Oh, really?" Gideon said, ripping James' hand off of his brother. "What do you suggest then, James? Stunning them?"

"We can't..."

"There's no time for your social commentary!" Gideon growled. "People are dying!"

"But-"

James couldn't finish his statement because Sirius had grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the way of a giant club swung by one of the giants.

"Thanks, mate," James muttered, getting his bearings back. They had become separated from the Prewett twins in the craziness that was the street before them. But he had just gotten himself back on his feet, when Sirius yanked him to another place of safety, because the giant apparently wanted to try to make some pancakes.

"You need to get out of here," Sirius said, dragging James up the street out of harm's way. "Go back - THUMP - to the office - THUMP - and get - THUMP - everyone!"

"What - THUMP - about - THUMP - you?" James said, the giant club barely missing his much- wanted appendages each time.

"I'll - THUMP - be - THUMP - fine, - THUMP - if - THUMP - you - THUMP - hurry!" Sirius grumbled. "Now get out of here!" He pushed James out of the way and turned around to tackle the giant head on.

Without thinking anything else, James Apparated to the Atrium of the Ministry of Magic and ran over to the Statue of the Magical Brethren. He pulled out his wand and tapped the left arm of the wizard on the statue, thus causing an alarm to go off one floor below him, in the Auror offices.

The arm extended to James' face and he blinked, clearing his throat.

"Erm? Hello? Is this thing on?" He sure felt stupid talking into a palm.

Even from one floor up, he could hear Moody yelling at him to get on with it.

"St. Mungo's is under attack by a bunch of dark creatures, so...erm....everyone needs to get there as soon as possible....erm....thanks?"

Deciding that was good enough for an alarm, James Apparated back to the battle field.

"Where've you been, Potter?!" Moody barked at him from his perch atop a giant, trying to get a spell to penetrate the thick skin.

"Sounding the alarm?" James said, looking up at him. "How'd you get up there?"

"Never mind that, idiot!" Moody growled. "Get your arse in gear and help people!"

"Oh sorry!" James nodded, shooting a spell up at the giant Moody was wrestling with. The spell ricocheted off the clip that held the giant's giant scrap of clothing together, and then bounced off of the gilding of a building, and then, miraculously, up the giant's nose.

Days later, James would not understand the geometry of how that happened.

The point was that it managed to stun the giant, or kill it, either way, it fell to the ground with a thud. Moody hopped off of its shoulders and walked over to James, who was still trying to figure out how the spell managed that angle....

"Bloody idiot!" Moody grumbled, slapping James upside the head. "I didn't mean help me!"

A pop appeared beside James and Remus was there. Moody grumbled and ran off to go tackle some other monstrosity.

"Glad you could make it, Moony," James smirked at him.

"Your announcement was quite amusing," Remus said, keeping close to James and helping him defend the both of them. "If I hadn't known it was you, I'd think it was a prank."

"What took you so long then?"

"Was in the loo," Remus smirked. "Can't drop everything for-"

James turned his head quickly when Remus stopped talking. He had turned as white as a sheet and was staring at a wizard who was not wearing a black cloak over his head, but who was blasting Aurors with everything he had. He had a savage look about him as he did so.

"What?" James said, keeping an eye out for anyone who would want to attack him.

"He's...a werewolf," Remus said, blankly, lowering his wand.

"Moony!" James exclaimed, just as a goblin decided to make them his next prey. Remus stepped back and couldn't tear his eyes away from the man, who was yelling things at the Aurors. Obviously, he betrayed his disease to them and was met with a silver arrow through his chest.

"MOONY!" James grumbled, grappling with the goblin that was trying to choke him.

"I-I can't stay here..." Remus said, putting his hand to his mouth and Disapparating.

"GERROFF!" Sirius said, running over to help James. He pulled the goblin off and blew it to smitherinnes for good measure. "What the hell is wrong with Moony?"

"I have no bloody idea," James shook his head. "He was looking over there...." He searched the area for any clues.

"We don't have time to fuck around, Prongs," Sirius growled, pulling him back into reality. "People are dying!"

"Right," James said, steeling himself and bringing his wand up to fight the next thing he saw.

But he suddenly found himself surrounded by blood-thirsty creatures. Everywhere he looked, there were teeth, and there was hissing, and there were scales, and it was all making his head spin.

He jumped when Sirius pressed his back against him, a sign that Sirius, too, had no idea what to do. They'd been in battles before, but this...this was bordering on a massacre. And they were soon going to be a part of the dead unless something amazing happened in the next few minutes.

"Retreat!" Moody called over the roar of the crowd. "The patients are out of the building! RETREAT!"

James turned to Sirius, who was looking back at him, a wild and scared expression on his face. It was the first time James had ever seen him truly scared, and it caused chills to go up James' spine. He reached down to grab Sirius' hand as a signal that James was still there, and Sirius squeezed it so tightly James thought his hand would fall off.

Before the two of them could Apparate to safety, they were distracted by twin cries of pain. "Prewett," they said, unison and looked about wildly for the source of the cry.

All five of the Death Eaters had decided to turn on the Prewett brothers, as they had obviously been disposing of massive amounts of the dark creatures. They were faring less well against their human enemies, however, and seemed to be running out of steam.

James and Sirius tried to break through the river of dark creatures to get to them to help. They pushed and shoved and clawed and kicked as hard as they could, because they knew, if they could get close enough to distract them for only a few seconds, the twins could get to safety....

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

It was the first time either of them had seen that curse performed on someone they knew. As Aurors they were permitted to use it, but nobody that they associated with chose to use it, choosing instead to bring the villain in as whole as possible.

Seeing the twins fall in unison to the floor, still sweaty, still shocked, still battling, was nearly enough to unnerve the two of them. If it weren't for the fact that Moody was still hanging around to make sure everyone got back safely, they probably would have suffered the same fate.

"There's nothing you can do for them, boys," Moody said gruffly. "We've got to retreat. We'll come back for them later."

***
<
The safe house was very subdued for all of the people in it, Lily thought. They had all appeared at once, and had the same look of uncomprehending shock on their faces. It was through scattered mumblings that Lily had learned the truth; the Aurors had lost the battle.

Apparently, the sheer number of creatures that had shown up was staggering. And also, word was that the civilian casualties were also staggering.

Remus was one of the first to show up. He still hadn't said a single thing to Lily, but just had a look of complete horror on his face. He'd retreated to one of the bedrooms, or the bathroom, and hadn't come out since.

Then they information came pouring in. Lily had gotten most of it while she was bandaging up the people who appeared there, but oddly enough, none of them were in a hurry (as they usually were) to get back to the battle. In fact, none had left once they appeared.

She had kept her eyes open for James or Sirius, and had gotten worried when she hadn't heard from them in a while. Somewhere, deep in her belly, she knew something was horridly wrong.

Relief washed over her when Moody appeared holding James and Sirius by the shoulders. Cold dread pierced her when they choked out two words.

"Prewetts. Dead."

The entire house went as silent as a grave. James and Sirius stumbled over to the fireplace to sit and stare off into space, still not recognizing what they had seen.

Moody cleared his throat, understanding that a speech was needed. However, he could not find the words to say it. So he pulled out a orange feather and it disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Two seconds later, a whoosh was heard, and Dumbledore walked out of the fireplace. His eyes first landed on James and Sirius, who were sitting on the edge of the fireplace, then they swept the room, landing on the ashen faces of those who knew the Prewetts the best.

He was quiet for a minute and then he turned to address the room.

"You have suffered...a defeat," he began quietly. "A horrible, heart-aching defeat."

Next to James, Sirius gave a small sniffle.

"You have lost two very fine Aurors this afternoon. They died like heroes, so I am told."

James bit his lip so hard that he felt as if he was going to make it bleed.

"What Voldemort wants... is for this to ruin us. We have never suffered a defeat like this before; you have never had to run from battle to keep yourselves alive. You may feel worthless right now, you may feel guilty for leaving when Gideon and Fabian Prewett stayed to fight."

Sturgis Podmore put his hand to his face and his shoulders shook.

"Gideon and Fabian stayed because they knew that if they stopped fighting, their sister and her two new children would have died as a result," Dumbledore said. "Our first priority was to ensure the safety of those inside the building. Thanks to Gideon and Fabian, who kept the Death Eaters occupied, we were able to get many people to safety." He did not discuss the three-hundred-and-twenty-three who were not able to be saved.

Lily now felt hot tears leaking down her face.

"However," Dumbledore said, looking at them all. "Each and every one of you combined could not have stopped the flow of dark creatures. If you had all stayed and fought, you all would have been killed, and then Lord Voldemort would be free to do as he wishes. As long as there is strength to fight, there will be hope. Their goal today was to unnerve us. Their goal was to make us afraid to come out and face them, to think that to defeat them is impossible."

Every face turned to look at him, as if his words were the very air they breathed.

"You must not let this deter you from your goal," Dumbledore stressed. "Instead of shying away from it, you must fight harder, stronger, better, so as to honor the memory of these two fallen Aurors who risked their lives so that others could live on, or, as in their nephews case, begin anew."

This was the final straw for some of the people in the room, as they burst into sobs. Dumbledore said nothing else, but headed back to the fireplace where James and Sirius were sitting, heads in their hands. He put his hands on both of their shoulders.

"Molly wanted me to thank you for watching her children," Dumbledore said, quietly. "And also for trying to save them."

Mouths too tight to say anything else, James and Sirius just nodded. Dumbledore passed them and went back into the fireplace, and with another whoosh he disappeared in a puff of fire.

***
<
The funeral was a very quick affair, three days after the battle, but word spread very quick throughout the offices. People were lined up out the door to pay their respects to the two heroes that saved St. Mungo's.

Gideon and Fabian's sister, still very weary from giving birth to twins, sat near the two caskets, a resolved, closed expression on her face. Her three older children sat still as statues, even the youngest understanding the solemnity of the occasion.

Remus had shown and paid his respects, and then had left quickly, still refusing to tell anyone what he had seen that had caused him to loose his cool the way he did. Frank and Alice were some of the ones who didn't cry, though Alice came close when she passed by Molly. Sturgis and Kingsley spent a while in front of the caskets as well, Sturgis having a harder time leaving when it was time. Emmeline had come by as well, dabbing her eyes with a napkin, but she had left quickly to follow Remus and try to coax out of him what it was that he had seen.

Professors came by as well. McGonagall sounded as if she had a head cold when she talked with the twins' sister. McGonagall took special pride in informing her that the twins were on the list to come to Hogwarts, and how she thought that they would make their uncles proud. Professor Sprout had also come by, as head of the house that both of them were in; she weeped and patted the caskets. Dumbledore had come by, of course, to pay his respects. He paused in front of the baby carriage that held the two red headed twins and paused to look down at them approvingly. Then he too had moved on.

Lily had come as well, but after looking at the family, she had run out, sobbing. Dorcas was one of the last people to come, as she had spent most of her time outside the building with James and Sirius.

Neither of them wanted to go inside. They didn't want to see the caskets, or the kids sitting erect, or the sister staring stonily at each person who paid their respects. They didn't want to keep reliving the deaths that they felt that they could have prevented. And if they could prevent having one more aspect of those deaths seared into their memories, then they were going to do it.

Finally, Dorcas had given up and gone inside by herself. Which left James and Sirius sitting on a bench outside the rickety house with one lean-to.

They couldn't say anything to each other; there was nothing to be said. It wasn't until the twins' sister waddled outside that they even looked up.

"You two need to go inside," she said, gently. When faced with their sister, James and Sirius couldn't say no. They stood up and walked inside, though every fiber of their bodies was telling them not to.

The house was crammed with chairs and platters of food that nobody had touched. Two closed caskets lay at the front of the empty living room. The older kids were gone, and so was the twin's sister's husband. All that was left was two caskets, a sister, and her two newborn babies.

"Go on then," she prodded gently. James and Sirius walked up together and each took a casket.

"Even in death, can't bloody tell them apart," Sirius said, thickly. James nodded.

They spent a few minutes, with their hands on the respective caskets, before removing them, and turning to walk out the door.

"Wait just a minute," the sister said, going towards the baby carriages. "I want you to meet somebody."

"Please-" Sirius said, holding his hand up. "I don't think I can-"

"Yes, me neither..." James shook his head.

"Please," she said, putting a baby in each of their arms. James felt as if his heart was being torn out of his body. Sirius looked as if he was feeling the same.

"I've named them George and Fred," she said, businesslike. "After their uncles."

Sirius could only nod, which was more than what James was capable of doing.

"My brothers would have rather died than have let anything happen to their family," she explained. "Life ends and life begins, that's the way that it has been and that's the way it always will be. They died so that these children could live."

James could feel his chest slowly becoming less tight. Somehow, holding this baby was like holding a reincarnation, and it made him feel better.

"Gideon and Fabian live on in the memories of those who loved them. And in their nephews."

"I expect great things out of them," Sirius said, letting out a watery laugh.

"And I expect to see great things continuing from the two of you," she said, taking the children back and putting them in the baby carriage. "As Professor Dumbledore told you, don't let this deter you from your ultimate goal."

"What is that goal, though?" James whispered.

She smiled and looked down at the babies. "Right there."

23. Through With You

24. White Flag

25. Punishment

"I thought that this was supposed to feel good
And if you were really mine I guess it would
I didn't fall in love
'Cause it was the right thing to do
I just went ahead and fell for you."
-Punishment, SHeDaisy
Chapter Twenty-Five

For such a small office, nobody seemed to know anything about the loud arguing that took place in Sirius' office. Sirius himself was being tight-lipped, and snapped if anyone asked him about it. Dorcas took to having a look of embarrassment and refracted the question to another topic. Because no new developments happened, the topic became trite to discuss, so it fell into obscurity.

Meanwhile, Lily was dealing with her current addiction to her ex-boyfriend. She had to will herself not to look up happily whenever she heard his gait echoing in the halls (yes, she knew what he sounded like when he walked by). She purposefully found out what times he took breaks and planned her day around them.

It wasn't working.

"So then I said, �Sirius, honestly, what are you going to do with a vat of baby lotion'?" James sniggered. Lily was beside herself giggling as they sat in the break room at a table together. "And then do you know what the idiot says?"

She shook her head, wiping tears of mirth out of her eyes.

"He says, �I'll take a bath in it, that way my arse can be baby soft!'" James said, putting his head on top of his hands and laughing into them. Lily collapsed into giggles.

They both gradually came back to a normal sense, chuckling occasionally. Lily's eyes were glued on James, taking in every inch of him that she could see. He was so handsome, she caught herself thinking. The way his mouth moved when he was laughing was so sexy-

She closed her eyes and turned her head. Not good thoughts.

"Oh, he's a berk," James said, sniffing lightly. He was riding some sort of euphoric high at the thought that he was making Lily laugh. He used to make her laugh all the time, when they'd wake up in the mornings, before they'd go to bed at night, whenever he'd see her-

He cleared his throat. Not good thoughts.

Lily was trying to find the will to stand up and walk back to her office , just so she could salvage some sort of dignity and not be a simpering pile of goo over this man, this sexy, funny, handsome-

He was trying not to look into her eyes. For if he looked at her eyes, he would want to drown in them, and then he wouldn't stop staring and then it would be- oh too late, there he went, looking at her eyes, were they always that green?

Lily was currently trying to remove her eyes from James' own piercing hazel eyes. But somehow, her eye muscles weren't working properly, and she couldn't move her eyes.

Then he moved his eyes, for a fraction of a section, to her lips, and then back up, and then back down. Her eyes started working again, and she glanced at his lips, and her breath caught in her throat as his tongue dashed out to run over his bottom lip. Her heart was beating so fast that she was getting dizzy.

She didn't want him to look like he was going to kiss her. Because she really did want to kiss him, but they had closure and it would completely ruin everything that she had built up against him and-

James' heart was beating fast, and closing his eyes, he opened his mouth slightly and leaned in.

Lily closed her eyes and opened her mouth as well, feeling his breath on her face.

The squeaking of the door brought them back to reality. They jumped back from each other so fast that their chairs left scratch marks on the tile floor. Adjusting themselves accordingly, each shot a (very dirty) glance to the door to see who had interrupted them.

"Oh, sorry..." Peter said, blinking madly. "James...er...Dumbledore wanted someone to show me the safe house, just in case someone attacked me, being as I'm in the Order and all and-"

"Well, now you're going to be attacked, now that you've announced it to the world," James rolled his eyes, standing up. His voice sounded high and squeaky, and he didn't look at Lily who was looking the other way and twirling her hair. "Let's go, and keep your voice down."

Once he was at the door, Lily turned to watch him go. She let out a deep breath and put her hand to her forehead, feeling a tad dizzy. She folded her arms on the table and put her head into them, letting out a groan.

"Believe me, I'm doing the same thing," came a voice from the coffee machine. Lily looked up and smiled halfway at Dorcas.

"I didn't see you come in," Lily said, offering her the seat that was vacated by James.

"Well, I didn't expect you would, seeing as you were near snogging the brains out of James," she sat down, smirking slightly.

Lily blushed and coughed.

"Why don't you two just get back together? Everyone thinks you should," Dorcas asked, sipping her coffee.

"We have closure," was the only excuse Lily could come up with.

"Closure?" Dorcas asked, eyeing the door. "Closure as in �we-have-such-sexual-tension-we're- about-shagging-on-the-floor?'"

Again, Lily blushed and coughed.

"I wish..." Dorcas started, sounding a bit unlike her usual sardonic self. She sounded a bit unsure of herself, something she never was. Lily looked up, concerned. She was running her fingers up and down the paper cup, seemingly absorbed in the feeling of heat on her fingertips.

"Dorcas?" Lily asked.

"Oh, sorry," Dorcas said, swallowing and looking a bit annoyed with herself for the momentary lapse.

Lily reached forward and put her hand on Dorcas'. They were not particularly close, but Lily felt a mild kinship to the other witch. "Is something wrong?"

Dorcas jerked her hand, but did not remove it. She looked up at Lily and then back down at her cup. She was silent for a few minutes before saying, "Not...anything unexpected...on his part anyway."

Lily was opened her mouth, concerned, but Dorcas said, "I can't talk about it here, too many flapping lips." She gestured to the open door. "It's not something I want broadcasted to the world."

"I see," Lily nodded, retracting her hand. "Do you want to go somewhere else?"

Dorcas shrugged, as if she'd rather not discuss it with anyone, but at the same time, needing to. "I'm getting off soon anyway."

"What time is it?" Lily asked, turning her head to squint at the clock on the wall. "Already eight?"

"Time flies when you're having sexual tension between your ex, doesn't it?" Dorcas snorted.

***

After a request to go the Muggle way ("It helps me clear my mind," Dorcas had told Lily), they found a small coffee shop in the basement of a larger building. Dorcas seemed right at home, with her beatnik glasses and robes, whereas Lily, still in crisp black robes, seemed mildly out of place.

"So," Lily asked, peering at Dorcas over her tea. "What's going on?"

Dorcas grimaced while sipping her own tea and took her time setting down her cup and settling back in her chair and dabbing her mouth with a napkin. When she finally spoke, she spoke in such a low voice, Lily could hardly hear her.

"Lately, I've been feeling...oddly....about Sirius."

"Like?" Lily asked.

"Like...I don't know, I've been thinking about him more often," Dorcas said, thinking. "And in a way that I've never felt about a guy before."

Lily quirked her brow. "Do you lo-"

"No, Merlin no," Dorcas said, shaking her head. She almost said it too quickly. "Of course not. That," she couldn't even say the world, "entitles something completely different. That is what you have with James-"

Lily sighed, sadly. "Not anymore..."

Dorcas rolled her eyes, but decided that it was a mute point. "In any case, no, I do not. But...I..." She looked away, embarrassed. "I asked him if he wanted to...well...be other than shagmates."

"As in, your boyfriend?" Lily asked, aghast.

Dorcas nodded, shamefully.

"Sirius has never had-"

"I know and the last real boyfriend I had was in sixth year, I don't have boyfriends either. But...something about him," a grin was forcing its way onto her face.

Lily was still staring at her in shock. "I never would take you for the type to ask him to be-"

"Apparently, neither did Sirius, because he started staring at me like I was crazy," Dorcas sighed.

"Is that was the yelling was about the other day?" Lily asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Unfortunately," Dorcas said.

"So why didn't you tell anyone?" Lily asked.

"Because! It's embarrassing! I just asked him to be my boyfriend, and he flat out refused, in fact, he told me that I was going crazy. And between you and I, I think I am."

"Why's that?" Lily laughed.

"I asked to cook him breakfast," Dorcas hissed quietly. "I want to cuddle, I want to do all of these girlfriendly things...it's sickening."

Lily looked at her tea wistfully. "What I wouldn't give for a cuddle...."

"What about you?" Dorcas asked. "You and James are obviously pining over each other, why don't you get back together?"

It was Lily's turn to look embarrassed. She took several large gulps of her tea and set it down. "Because...."

"Because?"

"Because we both decided that we shouldn't get back together," Lily said, unconvincingly.

"So how come you've been following him around like a lovesick puppy lately?" Dorcas asked, knowingly.

"I haven't been-"

"Every time you've been out of your office, you've been around him," Dorcas pointed out.

Lily sighed, unsure of what to say.

"Well, isn't this a pretty sight," Dorcas laughed. "You're trying to get over your guy and I'm trying to make mine lo-er...well, you know what I mean," she started blushing again. "Why don't we trade."

Lily let out a bark of laughter. "Sirius? That would be...disgusting..."

"Would it?" Dorcas asked.

"In the first place, Sirius would never think about me in that way, he's too loyal to James," Lily's face was still disgusted. "And in the second place, I don't find Sirius even remotely attractive."

"To be fair, I think James is a bit of a prick."

"James is a large prick," Lily corrected her. "But he can be sweet sometimes....and he can kiss, oh, he can kiss..." She closed her eyes for a moment in memory. When she opened them, Dorcas was shaking her head.

"He's there if you want him, and I don't think he'd complain if you threw him into a closet and shagged him rotton."

"I think we both would, in the long run. I don't want to go through another fiasco like before we broke up. Honestly, how hard is it to say four little words?!" Lily said, angrily. "I mean, honestly."

"Why didn't you just ask him yourself?" Dorcas asked.

"Because...I've always had this idea of how I wanted to be asked. I don't care about much, but I want him to ask, and I want him on bended knee."

"Do you still want it?" Dorcas asked.

Lily was quiet for a very long time. When she looked up, she said, without conviction, "I...no...I guess not."

They decided to take another walk while they continued their conversation. Dorcas invited Lily over to her flat, as it was nearby.

"Why do you like the Muggle way?" Lily asked, as they stepped into the lift to go up to Dorcas' apartment.

"My mom was a Muggle and my dad is Muggle-born," Dorcas asked. "So I grew up the Muggle way."

Lily grinned. "Magic is nice, but there are some things that it just can't duplicate."

"That's the truth. Apparating stresses me out more than walking," Dorcas said, playing with the wall of the lift as she leaned against it.

Lily nodded in agreement, watching the numbers change. "I wonder, sometimes, what it would be like if I had never gotten my letter. Would I have turned out just like my sister? Boring and ordinary?"

The lift doors opened and the two women walked out of it, both quiet in their thoughts. Dorcas pulled out her keys and was about to open the door when Lily cleared her throat.

"Actually, I think I'm going to go back home," she admitted. "It's been a long day, and all..."

Dorcas nodded, understanding. "These walls are thin, so I would use the lift to Apparate."

Lily nodded and gave a little wave. "This has been a nice chat."

"Yeah, it has," Dorcas smiled. "You know...if hell freezes over...and I," she laughed, as if she thought this was the dumbest idea ever, "ever get married to Sirius," she laughed again, to let Lily know that she still thought it was dumb, "and you, of course, get married to James, we'd be...sisters, of sorts."

Lily let out a little laugh. "Yes, but as we've seen, Sirius has a better chance of marrying you than James does of asking me."

Dorcas put her hand on the knob and nodded, laughing. "See you tomorrow," she said.

"See you," Lily nodded, turning to walk down the hall to the lift as Dorcas went inside. She pressed the down button on the wall and waited looking around at the decorations.

Until she heard a scream saw the decorations shimmer green.

Whipping her head around, she raced down the hall, not recognizing what she was doing. The door was still unlocked, and almost opened on its own.

There lay Dorcas. Above her the Dark Mark.

26. Worst Day Since Yesterday

"Falling down to you sweet ground,
When the flowers they bloom,
Well it's there I'll be found,
...It's been the worst day since yesterday."
-Flogging Molly, Worst Day Since Yesterday
Chapter Twenty-Six

Lily had never in her life wanted to get so drunk that she couldn't see straight before.

When pressures had been exerted upon her, she felt as if she always had someone to turn to. She had her parents, and when they were gone, she had James, and now, she had nobody.

So she turned to a giant bottle of Vodka.

She could only stand to be at Dorcas' funeral for five minutes before she had to leave. She didn't want to see Sirius, she didn't want to see Dorcas' family, she didn't want to see Alice or Frank, she didn't want to hear their questions of "What did she say before she died?"

She wanted to be alone. And she wanted to forget everything.

Because now that she was halfway through her bottle of escape, the guilt was being replaced by a selfish relief that she had not gone in with Dorcas. Oh no, that would have made it too easy for Voldemort, who Dumbledore had found out, was the one to go after her. Lily wanted to make it difficult for him to get her, because if she was going to go, she wasn't going to go without a fight.

She downed another cup. It had stopped tasting like mouthwash, and had started tasting mildly sweet.

Remus told her that she had run into the Auror offices shaking and trembling and babbling words. Lily was ashamed of herself; other people had died around her, and she'd not fallen to pieces like that.

She took another drink. There were now two bartenders who were staring at her with the same expression of pity and confusion.

She supposed she looked a site. She could barely remember the past four days, let alone remember what she dressed herself in this morning. She dared a peek down at her black skirt and saw that it was, in fact, wrinkled.

Who cares, she thought as she drank two more glassfuls. She certainly didn't now.

Against her will, she remembered the look on Sirius' face when he comprehended what she had just said. She'd never be able to name what he looked like, and she'd probably never see it again. She didn't dare tell him that Dorcas was talking about marrying him before she died.

She remained tight-lipped about everything before Dorcas died. Moody told her that he needed to file a report, and Lily didn't remember much after that except that for the first time he looked scared of her and that her throat was scratchy.

She didn't want to tell anyone; it would break their hearts. It broke Lily's, as she took another drink.

Almost out, she noticed, reaching her hand down to her purse and trying to count out the right amount. It seemed easier about two hours ago, but now she couldn't seem to keep a count straight in her head.

She pulled her purse on top of the counter and counted each pound carefully. She rubbed her forehead and was surprised to see that it was very sweaty, even though she was shivering slightly.

She continued to count her money when the door to the bar opened and a very irate looking man stormed inside.

For the second time in two months, Severus Snape had gotten an anonymous owl telling him that "something of interest" would be at such-and-such bar. The first encounter, with Sirius Black and his boozed-up brother, was less than satisfactory, so he was less inclined to go to this place of "interest." His curious nature got the better of him, and he showed up at this bar in the middle of the afternoon.

His sharp gaze swept the room and saw nothing of interest to him. He assumed that whoever it was, probably had fallen to the floor already, and was not going to do anything for Snape. He was about to leave when he heard quiet, feminine crying from a shady corner.

Lily was so frustrated that she couldn't put her pounds together that she had burst into tears. She tried for the umpteenth time to count out how much money she needed to replace her now empty vodka bottle, when she realized she didn't know how much another bottle cost. A simpering whimper escaped her lips and she pouted, poking her pound notess moodily.

Snape, assuming that this spectacle of female drunkenness was the "interest," skulked over to see why the Head Girl in his year was sobbing over a bunch of money.

Lily looked up and was not surprised to see Snape. Or maybe she was too far gone to notice that someone she hadn't seen for near two years was standing in front of her. She made a grunting sound and pointed to her pounds, nudging them towards him, asking him to count them for her.

Snape, not a speaker of drunk!Lily, was a bit confused, to say the least. He slid onto the barstool next to her and watched her interested. He'd never seen her in such a vulnerable state; this simpering fool was a far cry from the girl who he used to know.

Deciding nothing was getting done by just watching her poke her money sadly, he cleared his throat. "What are you doing here?"

Lily had apparently lost the ability to speak coherently sometime during her bottle. She raised her wand (Snape raised his eyebrow; he was sure this was a Muggle establishment) and went "POOOOOOF!" and then slid back down into her arms, sighing sadly.

"That made no sense," he stated, plainly.

"Merr!" Lily grumbled, burying her head into her arms. "Lone!"

Snape sighed and looked around the bar, bored. Most of the other patrons were too absorbed in their own drinks (for they were the only ones that frequented the bar at four in the afternoon) to notice the girl who was using sign language to communicate.

"Poooooof!" Lily tried again. "Grrr!"

Watching her was slightly amusing, in a twisted sort of way, but he was still no closer to figuring out why he was here and why she was drunk.

Realization hit him. He remembered hearing Lucius talking about the Dark Lord killing one of this grand Order of the Phoenix a few days ago. He wasn't sure which one it was, but he knew it was a girl, and he could only assume that she was friends with Lily.

But that still didn't answer why he was here.

Lily wasn't looking too good anymore. Her head was lolling from side to side on her folded arms and her skin was ashen.

"Damn my conscience," Snape muttered, standing up. She didn't protest when he pulled her into a standing position, but then her knees gave out on her. Snape was quick to catch her and pull her upright, slinging her arm over his shoulder.

"You're welcome to use the fire, if you want," the bartender grumbled, nodding to the roaring fireplace. Snape snorted; apparently it was a wizarding establishment. He tried to help her walk towards it, but she wasn't working with him. Finally, he hooked his arms around her knees and carried her to the fireplace. Grabbing a pinch of Floo powder, he said, very clearly, "Albus Dumbledore's Office."

***

"Ah, Severus, I wondered when you would come," Dumbledore said, looking up as Snape left the fireplace. Snape stopped short.

"You were...expecting me?" Snape said, feeling quite odd holding a near passed-out Lily in his arms.

"First thing's first," Dumbledore smiled, conjuring a nice fluffy couch. "Miss Evans needs to sleep." His eyes twinkled. Snape jerkily placed Lily on the couch and Dumbledore conjured her a blanket and then returned to his desk. He gestured for Snape to sit in the chair in front of his desk.

"I am afraid I don't understand-" Snape said, as he sat down. "Was it you that sent me those letters?"

"Naturally," Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling merrily.

"But...why?"

"I was conducting a bit of an experiment, I apologize for using you without your knowledge, but had I informed you, I do not think that you would have gone along with it."

Snape was silent.

"You see, Severus, I have, for a very long time, kept the notion that you were not who you say you are."

"I...beg your pardon?" Snape asked.

"I do not think you are who you say you are," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling madly.

"Who...do I say I am?" Snape questioned, slowly.

"A follower of Lord Voldemort," Dumbledore said, plainly. "Or at least, one that believes in the same thing he does."

Snape felt his face flush. How dare Dumbledore insinuate-

"I do not know what you are talking about," Snape seethed.

"If you truly were a follower of Lord Voldemort, you would not have brought Miss Evans here to me; you would have killed her without thinking. She was very incapacitated, very weak, very vulnerable. If it had been anyone else, she would have suffered the same fate as Dorcas Meadowes."

Snape swallowed. He hated it when Dumbledore was right.

"So?" he said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Are you suggesting I turn in my resignation to the Dark Lord?"

"Severus, you know as well as I do that resignation is death," Dumbledore said, sadly. "However, if you truly are the man I think you are, you know what it is I am asking of you."

Snape knew; he wasn't a simpleton. "Why me?" he asked.

"You are the only one I felt I reached," Dumbledore stared at him over his half-moon spectacles. "Out of all of the children that passed through here who have gone on to become those who call themselves the Death Eaters, you were the only one which showed compassion."

Snape felt ill. "I am compassionate for no one."

"Why then, Severus, did you not tell your master that Regulus Black had told secrets to his brother? It would have been the perfect opportunity to raise your rank in his eyes; not to mention the revenge upon Sirius Black." He added the last part with an air of exasperation.

"I..." In truth, Snape had not an answer to that question.

"Why, Severus, did you not kill Lily Evans just now? Even more so, why did you bring her here?"

"It is not right for someone to die drunk," Snape sniffed. "I would rather the satisfaction of fighting them when they are at their best."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrow. "Lord Voldemort and his followers have no respect for those they deem lesser than they, most especially someone of Miss Evans' genealogy."

Snape opened his mouth and then closed it. He knew, and he knew Dumbledore knew, that he was not a Death Eater in spirit.

The unspoken question lingered in the air.

"I understand that this is a very risky operation, Severus, and that if you are discovered, you will be killed. But you must ask yourself, is the live you lead right now worth living?"

Snape turned away. Dumbledore had touched a nerve.

"If you leave this office, I will not mention a word to anyone. No one will know we have spoken, no one will know what I have said to you. I have it in good faith that Miss Evans won't remember a thing."

Lily gave a squeak on the couch and flipped on her side, snuggling with a pillow.

Snape knew not what to say. He knew what was in it for him, he knew what was at stake, he knew everything there was to know, because he had been considering the possibility for some time now. The feeling when he watched Voldemort murder children left him cold and sick.

Dumbledore was staring at him patiently over his half-mooned glasses, as if Snape had all the time in the world.

"There is..." Snape started, keeping his eyes fixed on some of Dumbledore's trinkets in a cabinet against the wall. "Something large that is going to happen very soon. I don't know what it is, exactly. The others are very excited about it. When I learn more....I shall let you know..."

With that, Snape swept to the fireplace and disappeared into the roaring flame.

"My pony," Lily mumbled.

"Ah, Miss Evans," Dumbledore said, turning to her, a look of happiness in his eyes. "I do believe I owe a letter to Mr. Potter about your whereabouts."

27. I Spy

28. Edge of the Earth

29. Call Me, Call Me

30. Without You

"I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore."
-Without You, Mariah Carey
Chapter Thirty

Lily fell to the ground in a puff of dusty rock. All of the Aurors paused to stare at her still figure. The dust settled and she continued not to move, but the battle raged on.

"No..." James whispered, his heart pounding painfully in his head. She needed to get up, she needed to brush herself off, look quite miffed at the interruption, and continue on, with a rather peeved expression on her face. She needed to get up to snark at James, and tell him that he was overreacting, that she was perfectly fine.

The battle, which had for sometime, been going in supreme slow motion, fast-forwarded back to reality when a hex hit James square in the center of the chest and sent him skidding. He came to a halt and stared at the sky, wondering why the pain in his chest didn't hurt more than it should have. His whole body was numb.

He turned his head and saw Sirius yelling at him. Probably telling him to get up or something like that.

His vision was filled with black hoods and wands.

"James!" Sirius cried, fear in his voice. If Lily was dead, James was sure to have stopped all reason for living. Sure enough, he didn't even try to raise a wand when three Death Eaters surrounded him and began torturing him.

His Death Eater was being oddly persistent in not letting him get to his friend, however, and it was getting annoying. James' screaming was drilling into his head like a bad hangover and it was ruining his concentration. He felt something wet on his arm and looked to see that the Death Eater had broken the skin on his arm.

"Merlin, not Sirius too," Remus breathed, seeing the giant splash of blood on his arm. He was purposely ignoring Lily's body on the ground, but James' screaming was a bit more difficult to forget. Now Sirius' red spotted arm was distracting him and causing him to make the correlation to Lily's red hair.

Why wasn't anyone going to help James? The sentiment was prevalent in all the minds of the Aurors. Nobody felt in control of the situation. It was all so confusing; on the one hand, the intelligent thing to do would be to just Disapparate. Safety of yourself was the number one priority...but then James would probably die, but apparently, he wanted to, now that Lily was dead, and who would be next?

The Death Eaters could sense another death was impending. James' screams were becoming weaker and weaker, even though they weren't very strong in the first place.

He could barely feel the physical pain from the curse. As he rolled on the ground, the ring that he always kept in his pocket dug into his hip, and it was the only pain that he felt. The pain drove a direct line from his hip to his heart, and was more painful than anything he'd ever felt in his life.

She was gone from his life, forever. The pain was making everything clearer in his head. He loved her. It was deeper than that though. As he lay there on the ground, emotional pain wracking his body, he truly understood what it meant to love her. He could never put it into words, but the feeling of love and loss that filled him made it almost too difficult to breathe.

In one second, he felt as if he aged ten years. This adult feeling of love surpassed any feelings he'd had for her before. He must have told her that he loved her a million times, and he thought he knew what love was. His love of Lily and his love of Quidditch were on the same level before, but this feeling that was overcoming his body, this feeling was on a whole new playing field.

And those bastards killed her.

When James' loud scream echoed on the battlefield, most thought he had finally died. They were supremely shocked when he blew all four Death Eaters back onto their backs, and was looking ready to kill.

Voldemort and Dumbledore had only paused briefly in their dueling when Lily had been killed, and when James had stood up again, but they were back to fighting. James had his eyes set on Voldemort, and his heart set on revenge.

Dumbledore saw James walking towards them, and knew what he was going to do by the look in his eyes. Before anyone could react, James raised his wand and set a hex straight at Voldemort's back.

He stepped forward a bit, as if the hex had only imbalanced him. He paused for a brief second, deflecting a curse from Dumbledore, and then sent James flying. He landed on his side and rolled a bit in the dirt, tripping Emmeline and the hooded figure she was fighting.

Voldemort and Dumbledore returned to fighting, but James was not to be deterred. His arm was only a little bit out of socket, and he could throw hexes with his left hand too. He walked right through Emmeline and her Death Eater, who looked quite affronted that he had interrupted their battle, and marched back up to Voldemort.

"James, would you quit it?" Sirius yelled when James went flying past him.

"Not...gonna...he's dead..." James panted, standing up again. "Lily..."

Sirius would have loved to have grabbed James before he got himself killed, but Rabastan Lestrange had other plans. He was enjoying laughing at Sirius' attempts to get away from him, and had found James' declaration of revenge to be very amusing. So amusing that he had announced it to the rest of the Death Eaters.

James really couldn't hear anything except the voice in his head telling him to keep trying until he was dead. There really was nothing left to live for now that Lily was dead, so what did he have to loose by going up against the worst wizard in nearly a century.

"Boy, you are trying my patience," Voldemort hissed, turning once more to get James out of his way. To his annoyance, James deflected that spell, and sent another flying. Voldemort growled and the two had a small dueling session for about five spells before Voldemort hit his target.

However, when Voldemort was distracted by the satisfactory glare at James bouncing along the hard rock like a jagged doll, Dumbledore got the upper hand and managed to strike his foe right in the chest.

Staggering back a few steps, Voldemort gave the first ever hints that he was human. He coughed and held his chest. His Death Eaters stared at him, but then were quick to leave their Aurors to rush to his side.

With a deafening Pop, he Disapparated. The Death Eaters followed, their normally in control eyes looking quite harried indeed.

"No," James huffed, getting to his feet slowly. Voldemort still needed to be there.

"C'mon, mate," Sirius whispered gently in his ear, helping him to his feet. The Aurors stood around, nursing their aches and pains, none of them looking towards the one person who could have healed them in one fell swoop, who was lying on the ground.

"We...we should all get to St. Mungo's," Dumbledore announced quietly. "James, you especially."

"Come back," James whispered, his voice cracking. "You stupid bastard, come back...."

"Can you Apparate, mate?" Sirius asked, throwing James' arm over his shoulder. "C'mon, let's go to St. Mungo's and get you cleaned up-"

"COME BACK!" James screamed, throwing Sirius off of him. The Aurors stared at him, a mixture of pity and shock on their faces. "COME BACK, YOU COWARD!"

"Mate-" Sirius said, approaching James slowly. "It's all right, there was nothing any of us could do-"

"HE NEEDS TO DIE!" James cried, and with a loud sound that was a mixture between a grunt and a whine of pain, he Disapparated.

Sirius sighed, heavily and looked to everyone else. "I'll...I'll go look for him in a bit...he needs some time to himself."

Dumbledore nodded and turned to look at Lily. "Alastor, will you help me?"

"Sure," Moody said, sounding as if he had a head cold. "I'll-"

Lily gave a moan and turned her head.

"What?!" Sirius said, doing a double take.

Dumbledore swept over to her in three strides and bent down to look at her. His finger traced the track the spell left on the dust and saw that it went about three quarters of a meter to the left of where Lily was.

"How?" Remus asked, also running over. "No one has ever..."

"You see here," Dumbledore explained, running his finger along the rock face. "The spell must have missed her when James ran into Lord Voldemort."

"Sweet Merlin," Remus swallowed, hardly believing his eyes when Lily gave another turn of her head. He had to look away because he was overcome with emotion.

"Well then," Sirius said, a ghost of a smile on his face. "Let me go get our prima donna."

***

James had no idea where he was.

He had no idea how he got there.

He couldn't tell you what it looked like, or how cold it was, or if it was uncomfortable to sit there for a long period of time.

All he could do was cry.

He sobbed and held the beautiful diamond ring in his hand. He loved her so much. He should have married her.

His chest was heaving and he was having trouble breathing, but he did not care. It was just as well that he died crying.

He was running over all the memories of her over and over again. Over and over he saw her when she first got up for the Sorting Hat wearing her jumper over her cloak. He remembered the first time he realized her fancied her, in their fourth year, when he and Sirius had broken into the girl's bathroom and they had seen her in nothing but a towel.

He remembered fifth year when she had yelled at him in front of everyone. Sirius was the only one who knew that James had cried that night. But not a lot, only a little, he protested.

Sixth year, when he found out that she liked his arse. He gave a chocked sob. He spied on her, changed himself for her. Made her fall in love with him.

Their first kiss was so beautiful. And then she had denied him again.

He tried so hard. Then they had flown together. He could have died a happy man, but he wanted more.

It all seemed to come crashing down. She found out that he'd been spying on her, and changing himself to fit her needs. She was so hurt, and he felt so stupid.

It was Snivellus who had inevitably gotten them together, funnily enough. If he hadn't been so stupid as to go look to see where Remus was hiding, then Lily never would have found out about his lycanthropy, and found out what lengths James was willing to go for his friends. It was after that that she decided to give him a chance. Funny how life works out that way.

Their first real date. He'd brought her flowers, and made Sirius and Remus help him get dressed in just the right clothes. Then, oh then they had kissed for near ten minutes on her porch.

He was insatiable after that. He wanted her lips on his all the time. Every day, he felt as if he would explode without them.

Christmas, their declaration of love. The necklace that she still wore, the feeling of euphoria when he finally was able to explore her most private places. Of course, he wasn't allowed to look, as she was still very self-conscious about her body.

He sobbed more, his chest hurting with every rattling breath.

Her family. Killed by the same man and his followers.

He grabbed at the ground until he found something that he could chuck good and hard.

They'd made love, and it was worth the wait. Then they had moved in together, and made love every night for a month, it seemed like.

He would never be able to wake up with her still sleeping next to him. She would no longer put on his Snitch boxers and a bra and snuggle next to him. She would no longer kiss him on the nose when they woke up. She would no longer sit on his lap and play with his hair while he and Sirius worked on their crossword puzzle.

There was no life if she was not in it.

"You know, you really should get cleaned up," Sirius said, clearing his throat behind James. "You look a sight."

"Go-hic-way, Sirius," James said.

"Ickle Prongs have the hiccups?" Sirius asked, sitting down next to him. "If you were anyone else, I'll have you know, I would draw this out and let you sit here in misery, but I'm not going to."

"What-hic-talking about?" James asked, his lips and eyes the same color red.

"The spell missed her, mate," Sirius said. "She's all right."

James stared at him.

"Lily's...alive?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, putting his arm around James shoulder and having a moment of male bonding with him.

James, however, had different idea.

"She's ALIVE!" he yelled into the night, shooting up straight. "W-Where is she?" he asked, and now that he knew that there was something worth living for, all the pain of his bruised body came back, and he hunched over.

"One step at a time, mate, you need to go see a Healer-"

"Fuck me, where's Lily?" James asked, breathless.

"St. Mungo's-" Sirius began and then James disappeared in front of his eyes. "Oi. One minute you're angry, then you're crying, then you're nearly peeing yourself," he rolled his eyes. "You're like a bloody girl on her period."

SGR's Note: Ah, ah...so close, so close...one more chapter! Don't forget to leave a FULL EMAIL ADDRESS or even better, email me yourself to find the writing journal. Of course, you know, you could always just check my author page and get it from there... But just remember, chapter thirty-one will be half here and half there!

31. Come What May

SGR's Note: Aighty, I'm going to put the R-RATED ending of this chapter in here to save time and effort. So yeah, be warned.

"Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time."
-Come What May, Moulin Rouge

Chapter Thirty-One

When Lily awoke, she was lying face up in a hospital wing. Not immediately remembering what had just happened, she tried to sit up, and realized that she ached all over.

"You gave us quite a scare, Lily."

She looked over and saw Dumbledore smiling down at her from a chair beside her bed.

In an instant, the entire battle came back to her, up until the flash of green-

"How?" she asked, breathless.

"A rather extraordinary occurrence," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. "Apparently, Lord Voldemort lost his footing during the casting of the spell and it missed you."

Lily blinked, confused. "I don't understand...I don't..." Everything was now coming back to her. Seeing Voldemort appear in the safe house, James showing up, but not dying, Benjy, just before he was...and then she killed...

"Professor," Lily whispered, never breaking the habit of using pleasantries with him, and at this particular moment, not wanting to. "I...I killed t-that man...I didn't mean to...it just happened, and I...." Tears began falling down her face. "How am I any different from them, now?"

"Sooner or later," Dumbledore began, heavily. "Every Auror must ask themselves these same questions. As you undoubtably understand by now, death is one of the larger aspects of being an Auror. You have seen death, both your friends, your family, and now you have given death."

"Professor, I didn't mean to!" Lily cried. "I didn't want to, I needed to get..." She swallowed and trailed off. Her reasons were selfish. She wanted to get to James. She killed a man because she wanted to get to her ex-boyfriend.

"The hex you produced should not have had the effect that it had," Dumbledore explained. "It was not meant to kill, yet it killed."

Lily shook her head and put her head into her knees.

"Why do you think the spell was so powerful, Lily?"

"I don't know," she sniffed, wiping her eyes.

"It was powerful for the very reason you're so remorseful over this death," Dumbledore said, gently. "It was because you carry so much love in your heart that you wanted to help those who you care about."

Lily sniffed. Dumbledore's speeches were supposed to make her feel better. This one wasn't.

"It doesn't make it right," Lily sniffled. "I am no better than a Death Eater-"

"A Death Eater would never show remorse over someone that they killed, Lily," Dumbledore said. "And a Death Eater would never classify someone they murdered as an �accident.'"

"Was it an accident, though, I..." Lily trailed off, quietly. Then she realized what she was saying and snorted. "I'm probably the only Auror to think like this...everyone else probably would be cheering..."

"Which is why I was so pleased to have such an Auror like yourself on our side," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling slightly. "This world is sadly devoid of true compassion, and that is something you have in abundance. If I can have one Auror who understands the true meaning of death, and what it means for both sides, then I am already much better off than Lord Voldemort."

"Did...anyone else die?" Lily asked.

"We have yet to find Benjy Fenwick-"

Lily closed her eyes and felt bile rise in her throat. She could still hear the sound echoing in her mind. She would rather the idea that she was a murderer.

"Lily?"

"They...blew him up," Lily said, simply, trying hard to not throw up. "Just as he Apparated..."

"I see," Dumbledore said, quietly. "No one else...then, perished in the battle."

"...ME THROUGH..."

Lily looked up, eyeing the door, her heart race quickening. Dumbledore, too, eyed the door, but he had a twinkle in his eye.

"...THE PATIENTS....MY LILY..."

"I think I hear Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said, lightly.

Suddenly, the door began to shake, and then someone began banging on the door. Then both the shaking and the banging stopped, and then there was a loud boom, as if someone had thrown themselves on the door. The booming happened again, and once more.

Dumbledore stood up and strolled to the door, unlocking it and opening it, just as James went flying into the room, landing, head-first, into a table of potions and healer equipment.

"James!" Lily gasped, sitting up straight. "Are you all right?"

He sat up, and was dripping with purple potion, and took no notice of Dumbledore. He stumbled over the mess he had just made, walking to the bed, looking at Lily with too many emotions to count written all over his face.

"Oh, Merlin...I love you," he said, and then, in one fluid movement, he cupped her face and brought her lips to his in a searing kiss.

Dumbledore took this as his cue, and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him, a slight smile on his face.

Not even needing any explanation of the sudden change of heart, Lily closed her eyes and let herself fall into his kiss. He left her lips and kissed a line across her cheek until he reached her shoulder and buried his head into the crook of her neck.

"I was so afraid I'd lost you," he whispered, and she could feel the tears seeping into her shirt. He brought his head back to look into her eyes. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she said, grinning through her tears. "I love you, I love you..." He crushed her against him and took in a shaky breath.

"I love you," he whispered, pressing his face into her hair. "I love you."

"I love you," she said, closing her eyes tightly and feeling more tears of her own fall down her cheeks. She couldn't think of anything else to say that would adequately sum up what she felt.

"I love you," he laughed, looking into her eyes, and more tears splashed down his cheeks.

"You don't have to cry," she swallowed, brushing the tears off his face as more fell down hers. He reached forward and kissed hers away. She leaned forward and kissed his as well. They began playing a game of who-could-kiss-whose-tears-away-faster, until there were no more tears to kiss and they were kissing passionately once more.

"Wait, wait," James said, taking a deep breath. Lily, too, was running short on breath, as the two of them were quite out of practice kissing this much for this long.

"What's wrong," she asked, cupping his face and running her hand along his cheek.

"I don't want another second to go by before..." he said, reaching in his robe and pulling out a very worn black velvet box. He adjusted her in his lap and held her close to him, pressing his forehead to hers.

"Lily, will you?" he asked, flipping open the box and looking into her eyes.

"No, James," she said, shaking her head.

"W-What?" James asked, his heart racing. How? After all this time? She said no?

"Not until," Lily cleared her throat. "You do it properly."

"Properly?" he asked, confused.

"Get on your knee, and do it properly," she said, kissing his nose. Slowly, a smile formed on his face and he understood what she wanted.

James gently slid her off of his lap and then slid off the bed onto the floor. He got to one knee and looked up at her, proffering the ring up towards her.

"Will you marry me?"

"Did you think I'd say no?" Lily laughed, more tears falling down her face, sliding off the bed, less gracefully, into his lap and wrapping her arms around him tightly. He de-attached one of her arms and finally put the diamond ring onto her finger.

"I love you," he said, two tears falling down his face as he held her again.

"I love you," she whispered, her voice thick. She looked at the ring and laughed quietly. "So this is what it looks like?" He pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Do you like it?"

"I love you," she said, putting her hand to his cheek and kissing him. The ring felt odd and different on her finger, but she never wanted to take it off. When she tried to run her hands through his hair, it got tangled in some of his messy locks.

"Ow," he said, grinning. "Going to take some getting used to, hm?"

"Probably," she said, looking at it. "I suppose there's just one more question..."

"What's that?" he asked, kissing her once more, sensuously. She would let his lips go and deepened it. A soft moan came from the depths of her throat and she wondered how she could have gone so long without one of James Potter's amazing kisses.

"Your place or mine?" she breathed once she let him go.

"Our place," James said, opening his eyes to look at her.

"Our place?" Lily asked, breaking away from him for a minute. "I thought you said you broke the lease?"

"I lied," James nuzzled her cheek gently. Lily closed her eyes and held him tighter.

"Take me home, James," she whispered.

***

"I'm tired of waiting," Sirius announced.

"We're tired of listening to you complain," Remus snapped at him.

"I want to know what's going on in there?" Sirius whined.

"I think you would know what goes on in there more than anyone else," Emmeline muttered.

"I beg your pardon!" Sirius said, affronted. "I have never proposed marriage to anyone before."

Remus quirked his eyebrow. "Do you really think that's what James is doing?"

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Sirius announced, getting up and walking to the door. Remus stood up to try to stop him, but he'd already opened the door.

"Where the hell are they?" Remus blinked, peeking inside. True enough, the room was completely empty.

"Ah-HA!" Sirius said, from under the bed.

"What?" Remus asked and then gasped when Sirius came up holding an empty velvet black box.

"James....has finally cooked the beans."

***

R-RATED

�Let�s get out of here,� James whispered on Lily�s skin. She sighed and took his lips once more.

�Your place or mine?� she breathed.

�Our place,� James said, opening his eyes to look at her.

�Our place?� Lily asked, breaking away from him for a minute. �I thought you said you broke the lease?�

�I lied,� James nuzzled her cheek gently. Lily closed her eyes and held him tighter.

�Take me home, James,� she whispered.

He reached forwards, staring at her with such intensity she started to tremble, and pulled her close to him. With one small kiss on the nose, they both Apparated out of St. Mungo�s back to their apartment.

Once James felt Lily appear next to him, he reached over and picked her up, bridal-style. She let out a soft sigh, as she was still a bit tired from her ordeal, and let him carry her to their bedroom.

Of course, it was only until James put Lily on the bed that she noticed anything odd.

�James, honey,� Lily said, a bit louder, when he started pulling off her clothes. �Where are the sheets?�

�You took them, remember?� James moaned, sucking on her shoulder.

�James,� Lily said, pushing him up a bit. �You mean to tell me that you�ve been sleeping on a bare mattress and-� she looked up and James sucked on the tip of her chin �-and a quilt?�

�It�s not so bad,� he smirked at her. �I doubt we�re going to be doing much sleeping anyways...�

�James, I�m not doing this without sheets,� Lily told him, point-blank, as he sucked on her earlobe.

�But they�re all the way at your flaat,� James moaned, nudging his head next to hers. �Do I have to?�

�Go.�

With a heavy sigh, James sat up and Disapparated.

When he came back, Lily was not where he had left him, but he heard the water running in the bathroom. He threw the blankets on the bed as an afterthought and bolted to the bathroom, which, from the looks of it, was bathed entirely in candlelight.

He was right; Every nook and cranny of the bathroom was covered in candles, and there was a steamy, sensual sent wafting into his nose. Then of course, there was the eye candy.

Lily was sitting on the edge of their bathtub, wearing James� robe, although it was hanging off of her shoulders. She had dipped her toe into the steaming water to stir around the bubbles as she poured in bubble bath.

James walked up behind her and kissed her shoulder lovingly. He then kissed up her neck (she put her un-ringed right hand in his hair and sighed) and suckled on her ear. He untied her robe and threw it to the ground She stood up and pulled off his robes slowly. Once they were sufficiently ready to bathe, James stepped into the hot water and pulled her down with him into his lap.

�I missed you,� he said, running his hands up and down her body.

�You only missed the sex,� Lily teased, even though she knew differently. However, it was nice to be able to have a chest like his to snuggle up to whenever she wanted.

She turned a bit and laid her head under his neck and sighed, gently stroking his chest with the tips of her fingers. �Life was so boring without you, James,� she confessed.

He reached for the floating sponge and dipped it into the water, putting it to her skin and watching the water drip down, reflecting the yellow candlelight all around them. She sighed against his skin and turned her head a bit to kiss his collarbone. He dipped the sponge into the water and for a while, the only sound was the sound of water dripping from the sponge to her skin and back to the water.

Lily looked up and kissed the bottom of his jaw, up his cheek and then to his lips. He dropped the loofa into the water and raised his hand to cup her cheek, opening his mouth on hers and letting the kiss get as wet as they dared. James reached down and pulled her up higher on his body, pulling one of her legs around his waist. She made a sound of protest.

�No, James,� she whispered. �Not here.�

�I know,� he said, his hand sliding down to caress her sides. He kissed her lovingly. �I know.�

�So...� Lily said, now glad that James and she were on the same wavelength. �Are we going to take a bath, or are we going to prune?�

�Hm...� James smirked, grabbing her and rolling them both over so Lily was dunked under the water. She came up spirting water onto James� face.

�You...!� she gasped. James grinned down at her cheekily.

�Oh no! You�re drowning!� He covered her mouth with his and blew into it. She giggled and wrapped her arms around him again and wouldn�t let his lips leave hers.

�My savior...� she sighed. The weight of him on top was so familiar and her body was aching for more.

�Shampoo!� James said, accurately reading the look in her eyes, but choosing to not indulge her. He sat up and pulled her upright, reaching forward to grab the shampoo. Lily glared at him. He was such a tease.

�Fine,� she turned around and folded her arms over her chest. �Shampoo me.�

Having forgotten exactly how nice it was for James to massage her scalp, Lily was whistling a different tune a few seconds later. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, his hands traveling all over her scalp and his fingers sending tingling sensations all up and down her body.

He pulled her back so that her hair was under the water and began massaging out the bubbles. He watched her lovingly and she reached up to tap his nose.

�You�re adorable,� she whispered.

�You aren�t too bad yourself,� he said, pushing her head out of the water. He ran his hands through it and brushed it out of her face.

�Ready?� she asked, smiling.

He replied by kissing her open mouth. She wanted to melt into the bathtub; his open mouth kisses were the best ones he had. His lips lazily slid over hers and his tongue lightly rubbed over hers, causing shivers to go up and down her spine. He stopped kissing her, and while she swayed lightly in a daze, he got out of the tub and dried himself off. Then he leaned back into the tub, and just as she had started to comprehend things once more, he kissed her again, and pulled her into a standing position easily.

He ran a towel down her body and through her hair, kissing her when he was close enough to her lips to do so. When she was as dry as she was going to get, he picked her up bridal-style, and carried her over to the bed.

�Ah-James...�

�What?�

�Sheets.�

With a groan of impatience (and while still holding Lily), James found his wand and magicked the sheets onto the bed. Once everything was all pristine, he wasted no time in messing them up, by pushing Lily onto the bed roughly.

Four months of sexual tension exploded on the newly-bedded sheets. Lips were everywhere, hands were even more everywhere, and both found that they could pick up right where they left off. They each wanted to make sure none of their territory had changed, so there was plenty of hand-roaming (followed by the occasional grunt or moan). They made up for lost time by kissing every inch they could get their lips on (which also accounted for the not-so-occasional grunt or moan).

By the time they were ready, there was so much passion between them that they didn�t even waste precious moments figuring out which position. They just did it.

And oh, how glorious it felt.

While returning to some sense of mental coherency, they lay panting in each other�s sweaty arms.

�Well...� James said, finally, laughing once. �That was...�

�Yeah...� Lily agreed, snuggling on his chest.

�I don�t know what to say...� James shook his head. Lily grinned and kissed him, pulling the sheets over the two of them.

�Then don�t say anything,� she whispered, reaching over and turning off the light. She found him again and snuggled up next to him, kissing his chest.

�I love you,� he sighed.

�So you�ve told me,� she replied, pressing her head to his.

�I want to tell you again.�

�Feel free.�

�I love you...can I call you Mrs. Potter?�

�That�s your mother, James.�

�Oh...my wife, then?� He felt her smile against him.

�I like that...my husband...� she said, more to herself than to James.

�I like that too...my wife...� he said, grinning also. �Hey Baby?�

�Hm?�

�Did you think you�d ever end up getting engaged to me?� he asked. �Like, when you found out I�d been spying on you in sixth year-�

�James,� Lily said.

�Hm?�

�We just made up, let�s not bring up your stupidity again.�

�All right...�

�Good night, James.�

�Good night, Lily.�